#yeah it's so embarrassing especially since i have a hard time believing anyone would willingly want to talk to me and spend time with me

[theotheroccassionalfanficwriter]

Heyy can I request a 3rd part for Zhong x mage reader where they hopefully realize their feelings for each other? Feel free to end it off & add as much fluff & smut if you wish (*^ω^*)

Thanks for waiting anon, lol I just realize that this was almost the same as the previous ask so I decided to do a reader's POV continuing from where we left off last time.

So please enjoy the fourth part in the In Pursuit of Series: 1,2,3

In Pursuit of Love

Summary: You fell in love slowly, unknowingly, and when you had realized it, your love for him had already sunk into the marrow of your bones.

--

1.

Falling back together was easier than the time the two of you spent weeks apart from each other. You found it easier to fall back to your morning routine with Zhongli around than it was to relearn how you lived before. And somehow the two of you had grown closer, more attuned to each other’s thoughts that sometimes there was no need to talk further. It was the intimacy of being known, and by the archons you were drunk on it.

You lived freely and happily, as if all the burdens you had were gone. With Zhongli by your side, it felt like the world had become brighter. Spending time with him, starting and ending the days with him became so natural that you didn’t notice what was already there from the start.

It stood to reason that you didn’t put much thought when Zhongli woke you up with his tongue down your throat or his hands groping your now exposed chest. It meant that when Zhongli took off your clothes in the morning, placing kisses on your neck and leaving visible marks on your skin, you merely thought he was just getting things started to transfer his energy for your continued survival.

It meant that you didn’t think much when you found yourself returning the favor, opening your legs for him, riding his cock early in the morning and not bothering to stifle your moans because Zhongli told you he liked hearing how much you wanted his cock, how slutty you acted when he thrusted his cock in your pussy until it was raw.

You had thought all of his words as dirty talk, not actually carrying any meaning beyond making the sex pleasurable for both of you. And today was no exception, you woke up with Zhongli’s mouth sucking on your nipples, leaving new bruises on top of last night’s marks.

Your pussy was filled with fresh cum and you could taste his cum on the back of your throat. You idly wondered how long had Zhongli been fucking you before you woke up, but such thoughts were thrown in the back burner when you felt his fingers tease your clit and toy with your cum-filled pussy.

“Nnnn!”

With a pop, Zhongli stops sucking your nipples and kisses you on your mouth, tongue entangling with yours.

--

“Good morning” He greeted you with a soft and gentle smile that was at odds with his lewd acts.

“Good morning” You greeted him shyly as you spread your legs wide, and silently asked for his cock. You wanted to be awake this time when he filled you up.

For someone who was fucking you for an indeterminate length of time, Zhongli had a lot of stamina. His cock easily penetrated you again, geo cuffs forming like an absent thought on your wrists as he went in and out of you. His cum acted as a lubricant to ease his cock as it filled you to the brim, stretching your walls and giving you a pleasant burn.

Your ample breasts jiggled from the force of being fucked over and over. Your pussy felt raw but even so you couldn’t help but want more, Zhongli’s dick had ruined you for everyone else. You were quite sure that no one would be able to bring you over the edge the way Zhongli did.

Your entire body felt warm from the lust and the odd feeling that came from Zhongli’s archon energy. Before you could even ask him about it, your thoughts were interrupted by the hard thrust of his cock that had your body arching and feeling the warmth of his thick cum.

Zhongli pulled out and let the rest of his cum shoot on your body, some landing on your face and open mouth.

“Good girl.”

You smiled at him sweetly.

2.

For some reason, it became a common occurrence for you to head to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor with a homemade lunch for Zhongli, on days when you had no case to solve or you had reached a dead end. Today was a latter kind of day, there were no breakthroughs on the Chasm case which Qixing was gracious enough to not hasten you.

Especially since they were aware that you had landed a life threatening curse on yourself.

So now that you had gotten used to spending your lunch time with him, it made you realize that everyone in the Parlor was already familiar with you. You no longer limited yourself to chatting with Hu Tao or the Ferry Lady when Zhongli was busy with his job. Which was odd, now that you’ve thought about it. For all of the claims of your genius and the surprising amount of time you spent with children, you were never good at people.

Or to be more precise, good at keeping people. Your relationships with everyone you’ve met had always been so-so, you could rely on them for information you need, or calling in for a favor but if you could never truly trust yourself with them. You don't know when to call people friends or how to keep the ones you make, you suck at maintaining relationships and the only ones you’ve been able to maintain are from people who are surprisingly stubborn or sticky.

Ones who didn’t mind that you never wrote regularly or you came and went through their life like a breeze of wind. They were people who didn’t mind rebuilding friendship again and again, assuring you in their own silent way that you were wanted and welcome.

Which meant that the present relationship you had with the employees of Wangsheng was an odd change, a welcome one, but odd nonetheless. This was how Zhongli found you, contemplating in silence, in his office.

“Are you alright, dear?” He asked, worry marring his beautiful features.

“Hmmm...yeah, just thinking” You answered with an awkward smile and a heavy feeling in your heart that you can’t quite explain.

“You don’t have to, you know” Zhongli said, reassuring you.

“I really don’t know” You joked with him.

“Talk to the others if you aren’t up to it” He explained and to anyone else it would felt like a slight, a terrible jab at your inadequacy that you never quite got the hang of.

But it was Zhongli.

Zhongli who willingly shoulders the gossip about your relationship with him, who cares for you so deeply that he can give you himself for an indefinite period of time, Zhongli who simply wants to stay by your side and thinks the world of you, who believes that you are good.

And that’s enough to take off the sting from the reminder of your flawed humanity, makes your body relax and you find yourself leaning into his hand that somehow made its way to your face.

You nuzzle into it, a show of affection that makes you feel embarrassed but the weight of Zhongli’s affection, this intimacy from whole acceptance and being known, was an addictive warmth that you feared losing.

“Thank you.”

You hope that Zhongli can hear everything those two words encompass.

3.

The changes stemming from your relationship with Zhongli, mainly this odd but welcome change of being connected to people, and staying in a place for a long while meant that inevitably you end up having a permanent address people can find you.

It was novel to you, the idea of a place being stuck to your name. You said as much to Zhongli, during one of those rare times he had no work and decided to be with you for an entire day.

“How do your friends write to you then?”

“They don’t or well they post a commission to the guild and I pay for the reward” You told him truthfully before recounting the first time one of your friends had done so and it had involved a high ranking adventurer, the guild master of the adventurer’s guild and ending with an entire map of Mare Jivari.

“What were you doing there?!” Zhongli had asked scandalized.

“I was curious and there was no known map of it, so I thought ‘huh? Guess this would give me a whole lot of mora if I did this!’ how was I supposed to know one of my friends would end up pregnant during that time and wanted me to be a godmother?” You replied, slightly offended and amused at the look on his face.

Which naturally resulted in Zhongli extracting a promise from you to never go to dangerous places without him, ever again. And he was so earnest and so seriously worried about it that your grin slid off your face and you gave him your word.

Which then resulted in you feeling slightly off kilter about it. The thing is you never thought that Zhongli would care for you this much, for all of the fucking and the tender moments between you two, you’ve always believed that there was a line somewhere.

A line that dictated the end of his care for you and the beginning of his indifference. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe he wanted to stay by your side, it was just that you’ve always thought he meant it figuratively like he wanted to be kept up-to-date with you when your curse is finally lifted.

Because the thought of Zhongli, coming along with your adventures, travelling with you leaves you just slightly, very slightly, perplexingly happy. It makes you grab his hand and intertwine it together, and Zhongli doesn’t mind, doesn’t care for this display of affection and instead encourages it.

He squeezes your hand twice, and gives you a smile that assures you that you are wanted. A part of you dares to hope that you’d find your home in this place, here with Zhongli and if not, you’re content with him being a place you can return to, a place of reprieve from the life of a traveler.

And this leads to your few friends addressing letters to Zhongli’s place, adventurers from around the world used as glorified messengers for your equally eccentric friends, sending packages or cases in your way. Sometimes, asking for advice or a consultation but more often than not, a mere teasing letter inquiring about your daily life and the new found changes they’ve seen.

“It’s nice,” You told Zhongli, in the middle of reading one of your letters, “having this regular contact with them.”

You don’t notice the way Zhongli pauses in his cooking, just to look at you and your soft fragile smile.

“You can tell them to send their letters here, and I can always go deliver them to you” He offered.

You laughed, thinking that he didn’t mean it but nonetheless happy with his kindness, “If you keep doing stuff like that, you might just make an honest woman out of me!”

And Zhongli says nothing beyond a smile, and you let the moment pass. Willing your heart to calm down and not letting yourself hope for too much, you continued to read your letters even though your mind often drifts off to Zhongli’s “offer”.

Later that night, as you laid in his arms, you began to wonder if the two of you had blurred the lines of friendship and something more.

4.

Sex with Zhongli was always fun and just as exciting as the first time you did it with him. As you haven’t found a cure to your curse yet nor an alternative that didn’t involve an adepti, you felt indebted to Zhongli’s generosity on being your life support for an indefinite period of time.

It meant that sometimes when Zhongli did something that only lovers would, you were content to let it pass. Considering how much of his essence you needed, you were willing to let him enjoy you however he wanted.

It meant that on certain occasions where Zhongli’s libido was unbelievably high, you’d let yourself be led to a secluded to corner of a mountain, a road, or even Liyue’s backstreets to have your panties pushed to the side and be fucked by his thick cock.

You’ve learned how to muffle your moans as his cock relentlessly thrusted into your pussy, hands deftly freeing your breasts from its confines and playing with it. Squeezing and pulling and pushing it until it felt overly stimulated from the attention. Your body learned how to arch itself in the right way, ensuring that his cock repeatedly slammed its head into your g-spot.

The only change between then and now was that Zhongli had gained a preference on muffling your moans with his mouth, kissing you fervently as you milked his cock with your pussy. His kisses was intense, it made your knees weak and felt too intimate between two people fucking for necessity. Which often led to the two of you kissing for a long period of time, even when Zhongli rubs your pussy through the fabric of your panties or simply because he felt like it.

Zhongli was an excellent kisser, that much you could tell from the steadily growing frequency of him simply kissing you, without it leading to sex or having your pussy eaten out. And maybe you were biased with your opinion considering you’ve never kissed anyone other than Zhongli but you were quite sure that he gave the best kisses.

This thought only became more prevalent with each lingering kiss he gave you, the warmth that left your lips tingling. It made you want for something you don’t quite understand or dare to understand. Zhongli made your knees weak, he made you want things you’ve previously given up on, he made you want for a home you could return to.

Zhongli was changing you into someone you weren’t quite sure you truly welcomed and yet you couldn’t help but want and want. Selfishly wanting to tie him to you, to tie yourself to him.

“Zhongli?” Your voice trembled, soft and scared.

Even so in your eyes, he remained smiling, calm and patient as he gently took strands of your hair and kissed its tip.

“It’s fine, I can wait.”

You closed your eyes and bowed your head. The sound of his footsteps gently fading away as he walked away made you feel relieved and aching at the same time.

5.

Despite sleeping separately for the first time since you were cursed, Zhongli’s affection for you didn’t change. Except that he no longer gave you kisses outside of foreplay or sex even still his affectionate looks and smile remained.

It left you disappointed and yet a clarity of mind and heart.

Ultimately, you understood that Zhongli was doing this to give you space, a breather to allow you to make your decision without any bias or undue influence. This allowed you to realize that you had been deceiving yourself for a while now.

Even so you still didn’t want to voice it. You couldn’t even dare to speak of it in the privacy of your mind. So you did what you always did when everything felt constricting. You ran away.

The benefits from being a mage was that you could use the teleportation devices scattered throughout Teyvat. Which meant that it was quite easy for you to slip in and out of 7 nations without anyone knowing. So it was really quite easy for you to get out of Liyue Harbor, use the device in Mt. Tianheng and go to Snezhnaya.

The surprise and alarmed look of Tartaglia was enough to quell your nerves.

--

You raise a bottle of your finest fire water and said, “Let’s drink!”

2 bottles later and you’ve unloaded everything between you and Zhongli to Tartaglia. You sat across from him, legs spread and stretched out while his fireplace blazes on the side and engulfing both of you in warm orange light.

“So you’re in love” He smirks, amused and equally drunk, comfortably leaning in the plush seat of his tufted back armchair.

“I am not” You denied, sinking further into your seat and ignoring Tartaglia’s loud and uninhibited laughter.

“I just like the no strings attached sex and affection” You clarified, “You’ve known about me for a long time, I don’t do well in long relationships.”

Tartaglia takes a swig of his own bottle of firewater, “You do, we’ve been friends for a long time” He smiles at you “you’re just afraid of commitment.”

You look at him, face blank but eyes showing your reluctant agreement and Tartaglia leans towards you, “You’re afraid aren’t you, of what Zhongli would do in the future, about you, me, the Abyss and everything it entails, and Celestia.”

“Maybe.”

“You were never one to let your fears rule you” His voice becomes soft, the unspoken affection bleeding through his words, “so what exactly are you afraid of losing once you acknowledge it?”

“I hate it when you aren’t sticking to your ‘only cares about a good fight’ persona” You groaned out, sitting up straight “you’re lucky I see you as family or I’d curse you right now.”

Tartaglia laughs and ruffles your hair, “Go to sleep and then return to him tomorrow.”

He gets up and makes his way to his bedroom, before he could leave the room you spoke, “Thank you.”

From behind you, Tartaglia smiled and said nothing as he continued on his way. There were some things that no longer needed to be said between two friends.

--

You sat on the edge of the cliff in Mt. Tianheng, watching the sunrise as Liyue Harbor slowly comes to life. You weren’t quite ready to face Zhongli yet.

You wanted to steel your nerves, calm your heart and properly arrange your words. Despite the carefree nature you showed, when it came to the matters of the heart, you always treaded carefully. Gone were the days you fell in love recklessly, accidentally and unknowingly hurting others and being hurt in return.

You wanted to face Zhongli, sincerely, to give him the utmost consideration for all that he had done for your sake. You wanted to make sure, to truly ascertain that what you felt was real and not a mere byproduct of the curse you had been saddled with. Zhongli deserved to be loved for who he was, as he is, and not what he gave up for you. To love him out of gratitude was to trample upon his sincerity, and you didn’t want that.

So you stalled, you waited, you didn’t rush. You simply and slowly worked out what you truly thought, what you felt. By the time the sun was high up in the sky, you stood up and patted your clothes. You slowly made your way down, entering Liyue Harbor, greeting the merchants and the townsfolk that knew you.

Each step that you took made you nervous, despite that you continued to make preparations, you pre-ordered a take out from Wanmin Restaurant, buying Zhongli’s favorite dish, Crystal Shrimp, and Universal Peace.

“I guess, Mr. Zhongli isn’t going to be Liyue’s most desired bachelor anymore?” Chef Mao joked.

You blinked and then laugh softly, “Was it that obvious?”

Chef Mao smiled, fatherly and nostalgic, and then he spoke to you with a wiseness that only came from suffering the vicissitudes of life, “There are things that can’t be concealed easily, one is indifference and the other love.”

Surprised, you stared at Chef Mao who only laughed boisterously, and with his fatherly tone added, “I’m not blind, and I was young once! I can tell if a man is interested or not.”

With a wink, Chef Mao waved you away and you shook your head in amusement as you walked away after paying in full. You slowly made your way to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, taking in the sight of Liyue Harbor in its busiest time of the day.

And as you neared the bridge in front of the parlor, you saw him. Walking slowly over the bridge, a rain of red maple leaves fell as he passed, you slowly halted and stared at him.

Thump thump

Your eyes met his and your heart that was moved by him, began to beat just a little bit faster. You smiled, gentle and soft, filled with unabashed adoration for him and slightly ran towards him. Zhongli smiled at you, eyes reflecting the deep emotions that he had for you.

Time slowed down and ran fast.

“I’m home” You told him as you hugged him and buried your face to his chest.

His arms gently and tightly wrapped around you, “Welcome back”.

There were still things that needed to be said, confessions to be made but for now the two of you didn’t need to do that yet. Not when both of you had finally reached the same place, hearts beating in sync.

+1

“Hey,” You called out to Zhongli “Do you remember the temple that got me cursed?”

“Of course” Zhongli replied, face stern and serious as he remembered that disastrous day.

“Well, I finally found out the story behind it” You revealed as you comforted him, hand gently patting his.

Zhongli relaxed, tense frame slumping a bit in the privacy of his shared home with you. He pulled you into his lap, embracing you and softly asked, “tell me?”

You hummed and began your tale,

“There used to be an immortal, a scrap collector, who was Heaven’s beloved official, and” You paused dramatically “there was a ghost king, a great calamity that the heavenly officials feared. The scrap immortal had the world’s terrible luck, he would experience all sorts of misfortune and tragedy while the ghost king had the world’s best luck, he would never lose a gamble nor a bet.”

You looked at Zhongli, teasing and eyes twinkling, “And these two unlikely beings were each other’s dao partner.”

Zhongli choked, “My dear…”

You laughed and laughed, “surprised? I was too! Ah~ Zhongli that temple was the one the ghost king, Hua Cheng, the Xuè Yǔ Tàn Huā built for his beloved, his highness Xiè Lián. It was the only surviving relic of the place where the infamous Ghost City was located.”

Zhongli blinked, “Then we entered the Ghost Realm?”

You nodded, “Yeah, we ended up triggering an old protection array. I ended up being the receiver of the curse since I was careless when I was fighting, I damaged the statue of his highness and the ghost king punished me for it.”

Seeing Zhongli frowning, you hurriedly appeased him, “Don’t worry! Those two have been gone for a long time now! What was left in there was just a particularly powerful emotion powered curse! So don’t go fighting with them!”

Zhongli sighed, but the frown on his face didn’t go away, “Then your curse?”

“With or without your cum, The curse would have eventually faded away.”

You laughed at his blushing face and decided to reveal one more thing, “Zhongli~ Did you know that when gambling with the ghost king, the only way to get what you want was to pass a test?”

Forehead to forehead, you stared into his eyes, through his heart and to his soul, voice filled with wonder and love, “If you can move his highness, Xiè Lián’s heart with pity, the Ghost King would give you what you want even if you had lost the debt.”

“I-”

You cut Zhongli off with a gentle kiss, and then said, “That day, I heard your prayers, and begged them to let you go. To let me suffer the curse alone, to let me suffer the unbearable pain. Because I couldn’t bear to have you suffer the consequences of my actions.”

“I can suffer any humiliation but my heart can’t bear the thought of you being humiliated” You told him, this secret of yours, the one you kept close to your heart.

--

You didn’t know when you began to fall for him, maybe it was when you had brazenly teased him, “Osmanthus wine, I’ll give this to you so don’t be a stick in the mud!”

Or maybe it was when he had asked, visibly worried, “Are you not afraid of being struck down like the sinners of Khaenri’ah?”

Or maybe it was when he had lowered himself to the ground and cried, “I just want to save her alone.”

There were so many moments that could have started it all but you knew when he had completely taken grasp of your heart.

“Please, let me walk by your side, protecting you and your belief.”

His words that day, fell into your heart like a rock that fell into a pond, creating ripples as it sank down on the bottom and stayed. He had, without you noticing, walked step by step into your heart, and made himself at home in there.

You would forever answer the calls of adventure, the never ending stories the world was waiting to tell you, but you also knew that you would always, without fail, return to Zhongli. To your home and one day you would settle your old bones with him, weathered hands holding each other, and greet each day side by side.

[asthmark]

❝ chemistry ❞ o.st

synopsis → osaki shotaro moving to town means trips to the dance studio, boba dates, and the perpetual teasing of lee donghyuck. 

pairing → shotaro, reader

requested? → yes! based off @onlyjihoons​​’s shipping game answer ♡

word count → 5.5k (this was supposed to be 1k.... goodbye.)

a/n → i enjoy writing texting scenes WAY too much ;; tbh this is like 50% texts im cryign but i had to convey how much i love 00 line .... and also how firmly i believe in lee donghyuck devil supremacy. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated and enjoy! 

+

if someone were to ask you how you felt about your friends, you would without any hesitation, answer that you loved them to death. of course, if you were being completely honest, you would also have to add that you experienced the urge to strangle them from time to time. that might earn you a couple odd stares but you’re sure people would be more understanding if they knew who was in your inner circle to begin with.

for starters, there was lee jeno — tall, handsome, and the textbook definition of a gentleman. then, na jaemin, who you would consider to be the yin to jeno’s yang. an extremely energetic guy and, in your book, a total freak of nature ever since you found out that he inhales four shots of espresso on the daily. liu yangyang was a more recent addition to your group but, being as quick-witted as he was, he quickly fit right in. he also had a habit of going on somewhat aggressive rants in german which renjun found to be extremely amusing. speaking of, huang renjun was another one of your close friends — the shortest of the group, actually. (and, much to renjun’s dismay, that’s exactly how donghyuck liked to introduce him to people.) he was the type of guy you could trust to keep everyone in check which consequently made you mildly terrified of him.

however, it could never compare to the perpetual fear you have of lee donghyuck. 

of course, you love him to pieces but sometimes you really wish he didn’t find so much joy in, well, making everyone miserable. you couldn’t deny it was funny to watch him tease and taunt your other friends. you still remember him purposefully messing up renjun’s game at the local arcade just when he was about to reach his high score — and also the way renjun had tackled him to the floor right then and there, resulting in the six of you being banned from the place. or, that time he offered to pay for everyone’s starbucks orders only to tell the barista that jaemin’s name was ben dover. (to no one’s surprise, yangyang had found that joke particularly hilarious.) you can also clearly recall how hard you had laughed in both of those situations.

but, donghyuck never let anyone laugh for too long.

according to him it was ’only fair’ to make sure each of his friends was at the receiving end of his gags. so, despite laughing at his latest victim’s expense, each of you knew that donghyuck would make sure you were in the same position sooner or later.

you definitely weren’t expecting it to be your turn one dull friday evening.

things are going slow for you as you sit at your desk, typing away on your laptop. school has been out for hours and your professors have decided to be saints and leave you little homework for the weekend. beside you, your phone dings, alerting you of the new text message in your group chat.

[4:23 pm] hyuck: i’m bored 🥺

[4:23 pm] you: plz never use that emoji again

[4:24 pm] nana: it’s misleading dude

[4:25 pm] yangx2: yeah like when have u ever made a face that isn’t this 😈

[4:25 pm] renjun: donghyuck is the devil = confirmed

[4:25 pm] nana: CALLED IT

[4:26 pm] hyuck: u guys are literally so evil

jeno laughed at “u guys are literally so evil”

[4:27 pm] jeno: look who’s talking lol

[4:27 pm] you: dangg u know it’s bad when lee jeno disses u

[4:28 pm] jeno: ...ngl it kinda feels like ur shading me rn

[4:28 pm] you: u would be correct :)

[4:29 pm] hyuck: um HELLO can u guys go back to paying attention to me???

[4:29 pm] renjun: what do u want, diva?

[4:29 pm] hyuck: i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(

renjun disliked “i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(”

yangx2 disliked “i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(”

you disliked “i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(”

nana disliked “i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(”

jeno disliked “i just wanna spend some quality time with my best friends ;(”

[4:30 pm] hyuck: OH COME ON

[4:30 pm] yangx2: i think what u meant to say is that u wanna make one of us very miserable today, right?

[4:30 pm] hyuck: .....no comment

nana renamed the group chat “hyuck hate club”

[4:31 pm] hyuck: ok i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

[4:31 pm] jeno: well now u know what it’s like to be friends with u

[4:31 pm] you: so true king omg ur on a roll

[4:32 pm] hyuck: hmm okay so either jeno or y/n is gonna be today’s target, got it

[4:32 pm] hyuck: anyway can u guys come down to the dance studio now??

[4:32 pm] you: what makes u think i would go anywhere near u when i know ur plotting ur revenge on me as we speak

[4:32 pm] hyuck: because maybe i’ll have mercy on u and just terrorize jeno instead

[4:33 pm] you: good enough for me! thnx bestie, see u soon!!

[4:33 pm] jeno: HEY

nana laughed at “good enough for me! thnx bestie, see u soon!!”

[4:34 pm] yangx2: u literally cannot trust anyone in this friend group

[4:34 pm] renjun: ikr isn’t it great???

you might have been slightly out of your mind to willingly go see donghyuck knowing you had teased him in your group chat earlier. although, if there was a slight chance he would show you mercy if you did hang out with him, you were going to take it.

the studio was where you had first met donghyuck, along with the rest of your friends due to the dance classes you attended. after bumping into each in between classes and during practice, you began to get well acquainted. turns out, the six of you actually got along incredibly well and after a while, you began to share routines and tips, even choreographing together from time to time. obviously, this led to the infamous group chat being formed and lots of time spent outside the studio as well.

but, none of you had lost that love for dancing. in fact, forming your little clique had only made it grow. as you opened the front doors of the building you had made so many memories in, you wondered if donghyuck wanted your insight on a certain routine or needed some help choreographing. of course, there was also the possibility that he really was just bored and wanted you to suffer with him.

what you did not expect, however, was to see him caught up in conversation with another person. you couldn’t clearly see them with donghyuck in the way; all you knew for certain was that your best friend’s mouth was moving a mile a minute. you tentatively tiptoe into the room, hoping to not intrude on their discussion. but, at hearing the doors creak open, donghyuck puts his rant on pause to enthusiastically wave you over.

you sigh, putting your belongings down and approaching the pair. as you near, you notice that hyuck has a huge smile — no, smirk — on his face. you internally curse yourself for believing that he would ever pass up an opportunity to torment you, especially in front of a stranger.

“this is a very dear friend of mine,” you hear him introduce to his acquaintance. “her name is y/n. she dances, too.”

“oh, that’s really cool!”

the stranger’s unusually cheery tone prompts you to finally peek behind donghyuck and put a face to the voice.

and what a face he has.

“this is shotaro,” donghyuck informs you. “he’s new to town and quite the dancer. caught him in the middle of a routine.”

your knees almost wobble as you take in the stranger — shotaro’s — kind eyes that almost sparkle. (you aren’t sure if it’s because of the fluorescent lights of the studio or just part of his charm.) his lips are curved up into a friendly smile that makes you feel slightly giddy. his hair falls into his face almost perfectly, not a strand out of place and you’re uncertain as to how that’s even possible since, as donghyuck had said, he was dancing. not to mention, there’s not a bead of sweat on his face. did this guy come straight out of a disney movie or something?

“excuse her,” donghyuck chuckles. “good looking people tend to make her freeze up. don’t worry, this happened when she met me, too.”

you offer your friend a glare and an elbow to the side and you swear you hear shotaro chuckle. you turn to him instead, putting on a welcoming smile.

“my bad, i just—”

“got lost in his eyes?”

you pinch the bridge of your nose. “donghyuck, please don’t make me have to attack you in front of our guest.”

more giggles escape shotaro. (you swear it’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever heard.) you curiously tilt your head at him.

“sorry, it’s just that, you guys are too funny,” he admits with a sheepish smile.

you mirror his grin, slightly relieved he was amused instead of weirded out. “yeah, well, just wait ’til you meet the rest of us. it’s like a circus show, you’ll love it.”

“hello, clowns!”

“speak of the devil,” donghyuck murmurs, watching as yangyang and renjun enter, followed by jeno and jaemin.

“woah, who’s the cutie?” yangyang asks renjun, in what you presume he thinks is a whisper. however, yangyang has never spoken quietly a day in his life. renjun simply shrugs at his question.

having clearly heard the compliment, a faint blush creeps onto shotaro’s cheeks.

“guys, this is shotaro,” donghyuck answers, tugging the sandy blonde forward.

he gives a somewhat shy wave. “hi, y/n’s friends.”

jaemin erupts into laughter. “uh oh, looks like he likes y/n more than hyuck.”

“don’t blame him,” jeno mutters.

shotaro’s forehead creases, face suddenly twisted in worry. “oh, i’m sorry, was i not supposed to say that?”

“oh no, don’t worry,” donghyuck denies, quickly. “i’m sure y/n doesn’t mind at all, right?”

if you could crawl into a hole to avoid the embarrassment, you would. of course, donghyuck was 100% right; you really didn’t mind shotaro calling the group that if it meant you could hear him say your name over and over again. in fact, his sweet voice could probably make the dictionary sound like the most addictive song. but, donghyuck had no right putting you on the spot like that.

jeno suddenly speaks, catching on to your flustered state and donghyuck’s evil grin. “so, it’s y/n’s turn today? sweet, i’m off the hook!”

shotaro furrows his brows slightly. “huh?”

“oh, it’s just an inside joke,” jeno says, smile reaching all the way up to his eyes.

you wish you could strangle him right then and there for finding amusement at your expense but the last thing you want is for shotaro to think you’re some sort of psychopath. (although, with a friend group like this, you’re definitely beginning to think that’s where you’re headed.)

“got it,” shotaro responds, breaking out into a grin himself. “you guys seem like a really close bunch!”

“the closest,” donghyuck corrects, overly sweet, as he wraps an arm around you. (you resist the urge to shove him off.) “you’ll fit right in!”

+

you believed that the torture was over the day donghyuck introduced shotaro to your group. you would probably just see him from time to time and the studio (hopefully without hyuck around) and it would all be downhill from there, right? the latest notification on your phone alerts you that you are absolutely wrong.

hyuck has added one (1) user to the group chat

[1:05 pm] hyuck: welcome shotaro!!

[1:06 pm] unknown: oh hey guys! :]

the emoticon almost makes your heart beat right out of your chest. you roll your eyes in frustration at how easily affected you were by this guy. seriously, why did everything he do have to be so cute? regardless, you quickly add his number to your contacts.

[1:06 pm] hyuck: why don’t we do a little roll call so shotaro can save ur numbers to his phone

[1:07 pm] yangx2: YANGYANG

[1:07 pm] yangx2: HA I WAS FIRST

[1:07 pm] jeno: ...

[1:08 pm] jeno: anyway this is jeno :)

[1:08 pm] nana: jaemin present!

[1:08 pm] renjun: hi shotaro, this is renjun

[1:10 pm] shotaro: haha cool thanks a lot, i just saved all ur numbers!

[1:10 pm] shotaro: but quick question, is y/n in this group chat? :0

you almost drop your phone at reading shotaro’s message although you’re unsure why. he just typed your name, get it together, you urge yourself.

[1:11 pm] you: heyy shotaro! i’m right here :)

[1:11 pm] shotaro: oh yayy! i’m so glad ^^

hyuck disliked “oh yayy! i’m so glad ^^”

[1:12 pm] hyuck: shotaro plz return my love what does she have that i don’t T-T

[1:12 pm] nana: a heart

[1:12 pm] yangx2: a brain

[1:12 pm] jeno: a conscience

[1:12 pm] renjun: a functioning moral compass

[1:13 pm] hyuck: wtf

[1:13 pm] shotaro: ahahaha it’s like i’m watching a comedy

[1:14 pm] you: told u it’s a circus

[1:14 pm] you: i say get out while u still can

[1:14 pm] shotaro: whaatt and leave u behind? no way!

nana renamed the group chat “shotaro x y/n supremacists”

[1:15 pm] jeno: my thoughts exactly

[1:15 pm] renjun: took the words right out of my mouth

you cringe at your friends’ blunt behavior, praying shotaro didn’t find their antics to be too strange.

[1:16 pm] shotaro: 😳

[1:16 pm] nana: aww someone’s shy

[1:17 pm] renjun: he wouldn’t last a day in itzy

[1:17 pm] yangx2: HELPP

you shake your head, laughing silently to yourself as you mute the group chat and place your phone back down. although, moments later, you receive a direct message. you presume it’s one of the boys trying to rope you back into the chat but the moment you see the contact name, you’re forced to do a double take.

[1:21 pm] shotaro: i hope i’m not bothering u but i just wanted to make sure ur okay .. you kinda went quiet in the gc :>

[1:21 pm] shotaro: it’s shotaro from the dance studio btw!

you can’t help but find the fact that he seriously thought you wouldn’t remember him adorable. how could you ever forget a face like his?

[1:22 pm] you: that’s so kind! i’m okay, i promise. i’ve just had to put up with those dorks for way too long, sometimes i just ignore them haha

[1:22 pm] shotaro: lol yeah they do seem like a handful! but i look forward to getting to know them better!!

[1:23 pm] shotaro: and u too ofc~~

it takes all your willpower not to spam dozens of heart emojis in an attempt to show shotaro just how he has reduced you to a lovesick fool. instead, your response is short and sweet.

[1:23 pm] you: right back at u, taro! ♡

+

“okay, take five,” donghyuck pants, pausing the music blaring from the speakers.

you gladly obey, wiping away the light sweat you had worked up from the latest routine you and hyuck were constructing.

you both belonged to the same dance class and frequently paired together for partnered projects. the rest of your friends attended different classes, which you constantly joked was for the best since there was no way one dance instructor could possibly handle the six of you together.

“how do you feel?” donghyuck asks you, running a hand through his tousled hair.

“the choreo’s great, i’m proud of what we got so far,” you reply. “of course, i would be happier if i didn’t have to get so up close and personal with you.”

donghyuck scoffs at your joke. “i can’t do anything about that. the teacher said the whole concept of the routine is supposed to be is intimate.”

you fake a gag, failing to contain a laugh when hyuck playfully shoves you in offense.

“i’m sorry i can’t be shotaro,” he adds, a smirk forming on his lips.

you roll your eyes. “oh, very funny.”

“c’mon, you’re acting like you wouldn’t kill to have him as your partner, especially with choreo as spicy as this.”

“well, it would beat being paired with you,” you remark, picking up your water bottle and taking a swig.

“hm, then looks like today might be your lucky day,” donghyuck replies, eyes trained somewhere behind you.

you follow his gaze, nearly choking on your water as soon as you catch sight of shotaro entering the studio. he meets your eyes, plucking out his earbuds and offering you a small wave.

“oh, hey guys!” he exclaims, cheerfully.

“hey ’taro,” you greet, rather quickly, earning you a knowing glance from your partner.

“’taro?” hyuck repeats, amused, as he folds his arms over his chest. “you guys are already on cute nickname basis?”

shotaro giggles, eyes squinting adorably as he does so. “it is a pretty adorable nickname, right? she’s the only one who calls me that!”

your heart beats faster when you see how oddly excited that seems to make him. did he somehow find it endearing?

“seems like the two of you are becoming quite close, hm?” continues hyuck.

shotaro nods enthusiastically before glancing at you tentatively, as if to check for confirmation.

“yeah, you could say that.”

your agreement causes yet another smile to grace shotaro’s lips — this time he seems relieved. you briefly wonder if the kid ever stops flashing those pearly whites of his. you certainly hope so, or else your heart may never catch a break.  

“well, since you’re comfortable enough with each other,” donghyuck begins, flashing you a grin.

you’re not even sure what he’s gonna say but you already feel the need to put an end to it. after all, nothing good has ever come of donghyuck’s mischievous grins. you subtly purse your lips and narrow your eyes in an attempt to get him to stop whatever chaos he’s planning to ensue.

nevertheless, he proceeds. “maybe you could help me out with this choreography?”

you want to facepalm at donghyuck’s lame excuse of a lie. however, on the other hand, shotaro’s face lights up in delight.

“you’re working on choreo? what for?” he inquires, curiously.

“for our dance class,” hyuck explains, motioning towards you. “i have a couple ideas so i was thinking you two could maybe try out some steps i’m planning to include. you know, to help me... visualize.”

“that sounds awesome,” shotaro responds, oblivious to your friend’s untruths. “i would love to help you guys out.”

“great!” donghyuck claps his hands together. “just a heads up, the theme of the routine is intimacy, so i wanna see all that charm of yours, shotaro. it’ll, uh, help me choreograph.”

you cringe at the obvious fib. meanwhile, it’s as if a switch has gone off in shotaro’s mind. his smile fades and his eyebrows knit together. “hold on, i-intimacy? does that mean—”

“that you’ll have to get a bit touchy-feely with her? yeah,” donghyuck interjects, innocently.

“y’know... i’ve really been wanting to dance with her.” he faces you, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “just never thought it would be like this.”

you offer him an apologetic smile. “i know, it might be a bit... uncomfortable. you can back out if you’d like. i promise hyuck and i won’t mind.”

shotaro’s head shakes, vigorously. “no, of course not!” he must realize how quick he was to deny your offer, making him suspiciously eager to be close to you as he immediately adds, “i mean, it’s good practice.”

you suppress a giggle. “sure thing. hyuck, should we get started now?”

the boy in question dramatically picks at his nails, acting as if he had been waiting on you both for hours. “if you guys are done flirting, then, yeah.”

you roll your eyes, shooting shotaro a mildly annoyed stare. he grins, finding it to be equally amusing as it is endearing. (what can he say, the faint pout that appeared on your face was cute.)

“shotaro, how about you get in position right behind her.”

shotaro obeys, making sure to leave a significant amount of space between the two of you. however, donghyuck doesn’t seem to approve.

“closer!” he commands. “the concept is intimacy, not social distancing!”

shotaro shuffles forward, pressing his front into your back. you can’t help but notice how firmly toned his chest is. curse his dancers body, you think.

“okay, now, lemme see your hands on her waist!”

you feel the breath of shotaro’s shaky exhale on the back of your neck as he obeys, sliding apprehensive hands around your midsection. there’s silence on donghyuck’s end and through the mirror you watch him observe the two of you, no doubt acting way more pensive than he truly is. you know he’s just prolonging your flustered state by keeping you in this intimate position with the younger boy.

although, shotaro himself might know it too, considering the fact that he begins to rub comforting circles into your sides that he’s currently gripping, as per donghyuck’s request, in an attempt to calm you down. you nearly melt right then and there. at the same time, you hope he doesn’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

donghyuck calls out your name, successfully startling you and putting an end to the peaceful atmosphere. “why don’t you go ahead and lean on his shoulder. just lay your head back nice and easy— good, very good! look at that chemistry!”

if you’re being sincere, reclining on shotaro feels way more natural and enjoyable than it should. he steadily holds you in place, almost as if he secretly wishes to never let go. you wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea either.

“alright, last thing, guys! y/n, how about you hook your arm around shotaro’s neck?”

you do so, fingers brushing softly against his jaw. he shivers beneath your touch, erupting into giggles when you shoot him an odd stare.

“i’m ticklish,” he confesses, in a whisper.

you can’t help but smile widely. “is that so? hm, i might have to exploit that information sooner or later.”

“as long as donghyuck doesn’t find out,” he replies.

his comment certainly gets a chuckle out of you. “did you finally realize how evil he is?”

“if the torture he’s putting you through right now is anything to go by, then absolutely.”

“only a matter of time before it’s your turn,” you reply. you lean into his ear to add, “by the way, this is anything but torture for me.”

“hey! no whispering!” donghyuck reprimands.

for the first time, shotaro goes against the older boy’s orders to whisper back, “it’s mutual. if anything, i think this is the best thing i’ve done since i moved here.”

your heart melts at the sincere admission. you stare at shotaro in what you’re sure is a very obvious case of heart eyes. you’re taken aback to find that he, too, returns the lovesick look. perhaps he was immersing himself a bit too much in the intimacy concept...

“stop! pause! cut!”

you and shotaro (reluctantly) untangle yourselves from each other to face a seemingly unhappy donghyuck.

“can you guys please just focus on my instructions without falling in love with each other?” he pleads. “i mean, you haven’t even gotten out of the starting position yet.” he groans, exasperated. “actually, you know what, just take five.”

+

[2:03 pm] hyuck: good morning

[2:03 pm] nana: it’s 2 o clock in the afternoon but ok

[2:03 pm] hyuck: i just woke up, therefore it’s morning

[2:03 pm] shotaro: good morning :3 did u sleep well?

[2:04 pm] hyuck: i slept a wonderful 27 hours, thnx for asking!

[2:04 pm] yangx2: ?????? THERES NOT EVEN 27 HOURS IN A DAY IM SCREAMING

[2:04 pm] you: LOLLL WHY WAS HE HIBERNATING

[2:05 pm] renjun: i was just gonna ignore him but i am genuinely concerned now

[2:05 pm] shotaro: woww,, well at least you’re well rested now! :]

[2:04 pm] nana: shotaro, i am begging u not to encourage him

[2:04 pm] you: all it takes is one (1) supportive person and he becomes an unstoppable force of evil

[2:04 pm] shotaro: o_0

[2:05 pm] jeno: besides ur like the only other person here with common sense besides myself and maybe renjun. i can’t lose u to donghyuck :(

[2:05 pm] renjun: ykw i’m not even gonna argue with that

[2:05 pm] yangx2: yeah shotaro is a good guy™

[2:06 pm] hyuck: i hate u guys and ur goldfish attention spans

[2:06 pm] you: sigh what do you need hyuck?

[2:06 pm] hyuck: i want boba :(

[2:07 pm] you: that actually sounds really good but idk if it’s worth being around u

[2:07 pm] hyuck: i’ll pretend like u didn’t just say that <3 what if i paid?

[2:07 pm] you: ....

[2:08 pm] yangx2: LMAO HYUCK BEING NICE IS SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR

[2:08 pm] renjun: ikr it’s making me super uncomfortable rn

[2:08 pm] hyuck: can’t i do something nice for my friends? :/

[2:08 pm] jeno: no

[2:09 pm] nana: nope

[2:09 pm] yangx2: nah

[2:09 pm] renjun: absolutely not

[2:09 pm] you: never seen it happen before so no

[2:10 pm] hyuck: u guys are so fake :( shotaro do u wanna hang out with me? if u say no i’ll scream :)

[2:11 pm] shotaro: yeah i guess i could :]

[2:11 pm] renjun: oh this just got interesting.. i guess i could tag along

[2:11 pm] yangx2: me too, i gotta be there to record whatever happens

[2:12 pm] nana: i’m in

[2:12 pm] jeno: same

[2:12 pm] you: hhhhh okay fine.. only to ensure taro’s safety

[2:13 pm] shotaro: (^з^)-︎♡

+

due to the fact that you believed donghyuck was going to try and officially initiate shotaro into your friend group with one of his infamous pranks, you decided to head to the boba shop. you hoped that if you showed up, you would be able to prevent whatever mayhem he had planned or at the very least, provide some damage control.

you pushed open the door to the quaint building, the bell dinging to announce your arrival. your eyes immediately lock onto the table in the far back since it was where you and your friends always sat — you had practically claimed it. you expect to see all the chairs filled but, to your surprise, only one person occupies the space.

osaki shotaro.

he beams, probably relieved to finally have some company in the otherwise empty shop. (after all, you weren’t sure how long he had been sitting there all alone.) nevertheless, you allow yourself to wonder — just for a second —  if maybe he was just that ecstatic to see you. the way he enthusiastically waves you over seems to be in favor of that theory. it’s almost confirmed when you reach he table and he pats the chair beside him.

you let out a soft laugh. “the whole table’s empty, ‘taro.”

“i know,” he admits. “i just really want you to sit next to me.”

you swear you could break down in tears simply from the way he’s looking at you; like you’re all he needs. it’s pure adoration.  you wonder if that’s how you look at him too. you can’t help but ask yourself if he, too, notices your longing stares.

you decide that you would be a monster if you denied shotaro his wish, so, you internally prepare yourself to sit next to possibly the sweetest boy you’ve ever known. yet, that proves to be difficult as said boy stands up to pull out your chair like the gentleman he is. you shoot him a grateful smile, mentally dethroning jeno as the most well-mannered person you know and passing the crown on to shotaro.

“so, how long have you been waiting for?” you ask, resting your elbow on the table and leaning into your palm to stare attentively at the boy to your right.

“actually, i only got here a couple minutes before you. we did agree to meet up here a quarter before three, right?” he asks, slightly confused.

you nod in confirmation. “honestly, i think we got set up.”

shotaro tilts his head. “really? why would they do that?”

“might have something to do with our ‘chemistry’,” you explain, quoting donghyuck.

the japanese boy’s mouth falls agape, as he comes to the realization. “oh, so they literally set us up.”

“mhm,” you agree, smiling ever so slightly.

shotaro must be paying closer attention than you thought because he picks up on your grin. “what’s with the smile?”

you shrug, feigning uncertainty. “i guess i just don’t feel so bad about being set up if it’s with a certain cutie i know.”

“oh?” he raises a brow, cheeks growing as he too mirrors your lovestruck look. “should i be worried about this guy?”

“certainly not,” you reassure him. “i’ve only got eyes for one.”

you see a faded tint of pink rush to his cheeks and you find it adorable how your confession flusters him. you can’t help but caress the supple skin as gently as possible. shotaro leans into your touch, his own hand coming up to cup your own, almost as if he were holding you in place. after a couple moments of basking in the intimate moment, you retract your hand.

“maybe we should try and get hyuck to include that in the choreo, huh?” you suggest, a teasing smile on your lips.

shotaro chuckles, “sounds good to me. i might even ask if i can fill his position, too. if not, i just might get jealous.”

you playfully shove him and he raises his hands in surrender. you chuckle, grabbing one of the menus that litter the table, planning to offer shotaro some help choosing an item from the list that is surely unfamiliar to him but it seems something outside the window behind you has caught his focus instead.

“looks like we have an audience.”

you take a deep breath at his words, preparing yourself for whatever it is you’re going to see upon turning around. when you finally do, all you manage to catch is five heads ducking beneath the windowsill, in a weak attempt to not get caught.

“of course,” you nearly laugh. “they’re so predictable.”

shotaro seems to find the situation humorous as well, if his amused tone is anything to go by. “to be honest, we should be thanking them. they got us together.”

“oh, so we’re together now?” you inquire, raising a brow.

“w-well, i mean, if you want to. i-i definitely want to.”

“no need for stuttering,” you reassure him, reaching over to stroke that one ticklish spot on his neck. “to quote a very wise — and handsome — young man, ‘it’s mutual.’”

he smiles at his own words being recited to him. “i don’t know about you, but i think we should seal the deal.”

“interesting. how do you suppose we do that?” you ask with faux curiosity. you certainly had some ideas of your own.

“maybe... a kiss?” shotaro leans forward, eyes closed expectantly as he taps his cheek. you resist the urge to pinch his lovely, round baby cheeks. he peeks one eye open to add, “for the audience, of course.”

you giggle, completely and utterly love-struck by the boy before you. in fact, you are so enamored by him that you decide to go the extra mile and press a sweet, chaste peck to his lips.

it seems as if he himself didn’t expect it as his eyes snap open, hand coming up to cup his lips in shock. when he finally uncovers his mouth, you see there’s a dazed, giddy grin on his face that let’s you know the smooch was very welcome pleasant surprise.

your phones simultaneously go off, alerting you of incoming messages. it’s a given that it’s none other than the group chat.

[3:15 pm] nana: that smooch was romcom worthy i’m so impressed right now

[3:15 pm] jeno: shotaro is living proof that being a gentleman has its perks! everyone in this gc should take notes!

[3:15 pm] yangx2: HERE IHAVE THE VDIEO OF THE WHOELE THIGN IF ANYOEN WANTS IT

[3:16 pm] yangx2: attachment: 1 video

[3:16 pm] yangx2: SORURY FOR THE TYPSO MY TEARS ARE BLURRIGN THE KYEBIOARD

[3:16 pm] renjun: can we get boba now?

[3:16 pm] renjun: oh wait my bad, congrats to the new couple :-)

[3:16 pm] renjun: to celebrate they should pay for everyone’s drinks.. just a thought

[3:17 pm] hyuck: ur welcome, y/n and shotaro ;)

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Do You Trust Me?

Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader

Summary: When Lenora finds out she’s pregnant and another girl turns up pregnant and murdered, Arvin and Y/N take matters into their own hands. 

Warnings: Violence, Murder, Sexual Assualt, Teen Pregnancy, Cursing, Mentions of Rape, Bullying, Dark Religious Themes, Talk of Abortion  DO NOT READ IF THESE BOTHER YOU (Very similar things to the movie)

Word Count: 7000

A/N: So Lenora doesn’t die in this but that part is instead replaced by the Reaster girl being found dead (I named her Jeanette... I didn’t remember if they gave her a first name)

A/N 2: I know I’m writing characters that exist already but like I feel like I’m going to Hell for writing this. Any other Christians feel that way about liking the movie?

___________________________________

Secrets were hard to keep in such a small town as Coal Creek. Everyone knew everyone and if one person saw something, the whole town knew about it by next morning. That’s why Lenora had kept her secrets with Reverend Teagarden from all except you. Other than Arvin, you were her only friend in the world. It felt nice to have another girl to talk to because as much as she loved her brother, it was nothing like having a sister. Though you weren’t related, just friends from school, it was the closest thing she had. 

The two of you had bonded over the harassment from boys at school. Unlike Lenora, you had no problem dishing back threats and abuse. You were more like Arvin in that sense, not always terrified that the Lord was going to smite you for defending yourself. You and Arvin were close too because of it. 

The day you two met, he’d gone to pick Lenora up from school one day to find the two of you cornered out back by Dinwoodie and his boys. They called Lenora ugly, as per their daily routine, and said they wouldn’t fuck her with a bag on a her head. Tommy Matheson had a paper bag held over her face, holding her down while she squirmed. 

“There ain’t nothing alive that would willingly let you touch them, Dinwoodie!” You spat while Orville Buckman held you back, his arms wrapped around your body, keeping your arms . pinned to your side, “You’re a vile thing. Hell, I’m sure a dead pig wouldn’t let you fuck it.” 

Dinwoodie spun around and blew a hard smack across your face, “Lenora here ain’t much different than that. But you on the other hand, I’d take you whether you wanted it or not. I like a girl with a dirty mouth. And lucky you, I won’t make you wear the bag.” 

He fisted your hair and pulled your face close to him, trying to force a kiss from you but spat in his face, a massive drip of saliva landing in his eyes and smaller particles spewed across his lips. “You nasty bi-” Gene Dinwoodie reared back, ready to hit you again when suddenly Arvin came out of nowhere, sending a solid blow straight into Gene’s face, sending him flying to the ground with a crack. 

Orville let you go to go after Arvin and Tommy did the same to Lenora. You ran over to her and pulled the bag from her head, seeing evidence of her silent tears all over her face. Once you saw she was okay though, you ran over to help Arvin, who had found himself dragged to the ground by the three boys. Lenora got up too, screaming for them to stop. 

“Stop!” You yelled, pulling at Gene’s arms to try and get him to stop kicking Arvin. He shoved you back harshly by the chest but you caught yourself, returning with a sharp blow to his face with your locked fist. 

The enraged boy smacked you even harder than before, sending your ass to the ground with thud that you knew would leave a bruise. Your hands and knees got skinned up as you skid slightly on the pavement. Lenora kept pulling on the boys too, begging them to stop but to no avail. 

“Ha, sister fucker!” The three of them called out to Arvin before leaving the three of you alone. 

“Are you okay?” You asked the boy that you hadn’t met before, who was curled up in a ball on the ground and holding his stomach. He groaned in response, trying to push himself up but requiring your assistance. “Thank you for what you did back there. I’m sorry this happened.” 

He stretched, flinching at the slight movement. He sent a small nod towards you but then turned towards Lenora, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Lenora.” Words couldn’t describe the guilt he felt for allowing this to happen. 

“It-it’s okay, Arvin. It wasn’t that bad this time. Y/N here took the brunt of it, unfortunately.” Lenora turned to you, “‘M sorry about that, by the way. You didn’t need to step in for me.” 

You had stood up about the same time Arvin did, brushing as much of the dirt off your bleeding and scraped up knees as you could without flinching, “Those guys are ass holes, Lenora. I did need to.” 

Lenora piped up, “Oh, um, Y/N, this is my brother Arvin. Arvin, this is Y/N. She just moved here.” 

“It’s nice to meet ya.” You greeted the boy with a pained smile, your face hurting from the blows you’d just taken. 

Arvin nodded, “You too.” He paused for a moment, “Can I give you a ride home? I don’t need them boys catching up with you again on the ride home. Besides, your face is getting mighty red. I might have something back at my house to keep it from bruising up too bad.” 

You looked over at Lenora, sending her a questioning look, like asking if you could trust this boy who had just come to your rescue, which may have seemed like an odd inquiry to have since he just tried to take on the guys harassing you, but your encounters with boys in this town hadn’t gone all too well thus far. The girl looked unfazed though with almost a hint of excitement that you could possibly be going to her home. 

“Um, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” You tucked a messy strand of hair behind your ear before looking back up at Arvin to see that he was already staring at you. 

That was months ago. You’d gotten settled into Coal Creek by now and the abuse from Dinwoodie had stopped entirely after Arvin had gone full vigilante to beat the shit out of them all. Speaking of Arvin, the day he saved you and Lenora, he asked you on a date and the pair of you had been going steady ever since. If there was ever a couple to not be fucked with, the town had learned it was you two. 

This weekend, you’d gone over to the Russel’s home for supper at their Grandma’s invitation. It was delicious, as usual, as that woman had the God-given ability to produce miracles in that kitchen. As you all finished up, Uncle Earskell asked Arvin to help with something upstairs so he left without a second thought to help his kin. 

Lenora had been looking at you funny all night, as if trying to catch your eye. After helping Grandma (which she insisted you call her as well) clean up supper, Lenora pulled you off to the side, “Y/N, let’s go on a walk. I need to tell you something.” 

The weight in her eyes told you how serious this was so you just nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.” 

She grabbed a lantern on her way out the door and towards the barn. It was already dark, despite only being seven in the evening. Lenora led you out there and then closed the door before sitting on the hay. “So what is it?” You asked nervously. Normally, you would have made a joke but something told you that this wasn’t a joking matter. Anxiety buzzed all around her. 

“Y’know the new pastor? Preston Teagarden?” Lenora began, wringing her hands together and beginning to hide under her long red hair. 

You nodded, the question having an obvious answer as everyone, including your God fearing Mama and Aunt, went to church every Sunday. “What about ‘im?” 

“Well… um… y’see. We… we had sex.” She whispered the last word like it was the dirtiest thing she could fathom saying. 

Your eyes blew wide and your mouth dropped open, “You what?” You whispered back in shock. 

“Shh!” She held her finger up to her lips, “He said that to bear yourself as God made his first children was to truly turn yourself to Him.” 

You were having a difficult time processing this new information. Arvin and you had both agreed that there was something off about that new preacher since the first day you met him but you wouldn’t have guessed it was anything like this. “Lenora, that makes no sense. God sees everything. He’s already seen you in your birthday suit. He doesn’t need the preacher to see it too.” 

Part of you felt bad for the way you were reacting, especially when you saw the way your best friend shrunk back a little in embarrassment. Clearly, he’d manipulated her into getting what he wanted, using her faith as a weapon for her sexual exploitation, but of course she didn’t see it like that because his words were specifically tailored to get her to believe him. Now as you said these things, though, it was becoming clearer to Lenora that she had been manipulated. 

“That’s not all…” She continued. 

You held her arm gently, “What is it?” 

Her eyes got wide with fear, “You can’t tell anyone okay? You gotta promise.” Her hand covered yours, gripping tightly to ensure that you grasped the severity of the situation. 

You swallowed hard, honestly scared by her reactions to whatever was happening. This wasn’t like sweet, simple, calm Lenora. Nonetheless, you nodded, “I promise.” 

“I think I’m pregnant.” 

You actually choked, “What? Are you sure?” This was bad. This was so bad. 

Her eyes began to well up with guilty tears, “Yeah, I am. I was pretty sick a few weeks back. Couldn’t eat nothin’ cause I kept throwin’ up. And I haven’t had that time of the month in  two months.” 

“Two months, Lenora? Shit…” You whispered, leaning back against the hay. Even before moving to Coal Creek, you came from a small town in Pennsylvania where this had happened to a few girls. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon in that particular town. Your daddy had been a doctor before he died so you’d seen more than a few cases of teenage pregnancy. For Lenora, though, this was practically unheard of. Good Christian girls don’t have babies before marriage. “Did you tell ‘im?” 

Lenora’s breath shook, “Yeah ‘nd he said I was crazy and delusional. Just imaginin’ things. Said we never did nothin’ in the car. Then he said that I had to get rid of the baby or I’d be branded as the town whore with a bastard son. Even said it’d kill Grandma from the shame of it all if anyone found out.” 

“That is not true, Lenora. None of it. You’re not a whore and it would be best for everyone if that baby inside you was a bastard. That disgusting man isn’t fit to walk the Earth we live on, let alone be a father.” It felt like the blood was rushing through your veins with full force, internally panicking about the situation. This was a big deal and, unfortunately, you weren’t sure if Lenora was emotionally capable enough to handle it alone. She’d always been quiet and lonely and an easy target for cruel people. “Are you keepin’ it?” 

Her breathing shuddered as if she’d started crying, “I can’t kill the baby inside me and go on livin’ with that. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,Y/N.” Lenora threw her arms around you and you held her as her body rattled against yours. 

“Shh, you got me, alright? Me and Arvin. And I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be ashamed if she knew what Teagarden did to you.” You insisted but she shook her head. 

“You must think I’m stupid for believin’ that man.” She sat up wiping her eyes with her sleeve. 

“No! I do not think you’re stupid at all. That monster took advantage of you, told you things to make you believe that his dirty, lustful thoughts were vindicated by the Lord. And he’s going to fucking pay.” You were furious now as you began to stand up, unsure of exactly what you’d do but you knew you were gonna do it. 

Lenora grabbed your arm and pulled you back down, “No! Wait! Please-” 

“What’s going on here?” Arvin opened the door with a concerned face. 

Both you and Lenora jumped at his sudden intrusion but were even more nervous about what he’d heard. 

“How much did you hear?” Lenora asked her brother, rubbing her hands on her thighs. 

He walked in and slammed the door shut behind him, kneeling down in front of you and his sister, “That someone took advantage of you and Y/N was gonna make ‘im pay. Now what happened? What’s going on?” 

This was one of the things that you’d always loved about Arvin. He had this protective nature over what he loved, ready to do anything to keep his loved ones safe, whether that was his sister, his girlfriend, or his grandmother. His brown eyes held so much sincerity and understanding for his younger sister but also fear for what had been done to her. 

When she didn’t respond right away, Arvin looked over to you with questioning desperate eyes but you chewed your lip, knowing that it wasn’t your secret to tell. Instead, you looked back over to Lenora sadly and nudged her slightly. 

“C-can you say? Please? I don’t wanna say it again.” Lenora begged you quietly, avoiding eye contact with Arvin. Though you could never truly know she felt, you tried to understand all the emotions that must have been running through her. 

Arvin met your eyes, begging you to tell him what had happened. “She’s pregnant. It’s that Reverend Teagarden’s baby. Said that he told her that the only way to get close to God was to show him her in the form of Adam and Eve. But now he’s saying that she’s delusional and that it’s not his.” 

Arvin’s temper flamed inside his chest. That explained the Reverend’s intense sermon about delusion this last Sunday. Nobody did this to his sister and got away with it. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking ki-” 

“Arvin please-” Lenora tried to calm him but it was a weak attempt, still trying to stay quiet so Grandma wouldn’t notice.

“No, I’ll end his life for what he did to you.” 

You watched your boyfriend reel around, hands holding onto his hat. He was livid, understandably so. 

Lenora wasn’t quite sure why she wanted to protect Preston Teagarden after what he’d done to her but she thinks it’s that she was more concerned for her brother. Besides, no matter what Teagarden had done, did he really deserve to die for it? 

“We don’t have to hurt him,” You spoke to your boyfriend, “If she wants, she can just have the baby and we’ll help raise it.” 

“But he said it’s not his and that I’ll just be considered some no-good whore. He said it’ll kill Grandma. I don’t want to kill Grandma.” She was almost crying again at the thought of their grandmother ending up six feet under because of the shame of having her as a granddaughter. 

“He said that?!” Arvin nearly yelled. 

“But what if he’s right?” Lenora thought out loud, “I couldn’t live with myself if I got rid of the baby but I can’t risk killing Grandma. Maybe it would be better if I were dead-” 

“No!” You and Arvin both said firmly in unison. You held her hand tight and Arvin knelt down again. 

He swiped his thumb comfortingly across the back of her hands, “Don’t you ever say that. We have both already lost too damn much to lose each other too, ya hear me?” 

Lenora nodded, tears falling down her cheeks when she closed her eyes. 

“Why can’t we just ruin him? You can have the baby and let everyone know what he did. Everyone will know that he’s the father and it’ll destroy his life.” Arvin suggested, all of the miserable ways this could end for the man twisting his heart in sadistic pleasure. 

You shook your head though, “No, they won’t. It’s different for girls in small towns like this. Doesn’t matter what happened, you’re still the dirty no good whore, even if you were raped. The man is treated like a victim for even having the inkling of an accusation brought up.” After a few minutes, you suggested, “Why don’t we run off. We’ll all go to a new town, somewhere where nobody knows none of us. We’ll tell ‘em that your husband died in the war, leaving you with the baby. I’ll go with. I’ll help you raise it.” 

She shook her head, “But what about Grandma and Uncle Earskell?” She did have a point. They were both getting on in age and would need more help than they already did. 

You all sat in silence for a few moments, brainstorming ideas of what to do. Eventually, Arvin looked at his sister, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

The three of you went back to the house for the rest of the night, knowing that everyone would be getting suspicious if you were out any longer. 

The three of you kept the secret quiet, barely even speaking about it to each other. You’d been doing as much research on babies in the libraries at school, which earned you quite a few disapproving looks from people who assumed that you and Arvin were expecting. You were serious when you said that you had every intention of helping Lenora and so was Arvin. 

Weeks had gone by with relatively no news. Well, that’s what the town thought at least. After finding out about what the Reverend had done to Lenora, Arvin had told you about his plan to watch him. 

The pair of you had spent several afternoons staked out near the church, watching as he went to the place of worship and then left at night. But then you started noticing a frequent visitor. Jeanette Reaster. The pair would drive off to a little secluded field and, sure enough, Teagarden would have his way with her. Though you couldn’t hear what was said, it was clear that they’d been praying beforehand before she submitted to him fully. Now, you knew Jeanette Reaster and, much like Lenora, she was the last person you’d imagine having premarital sex for the fear of being struck down by God. Whatever this man had said to them must have been real convincing. 

“Piece of shit…” Arvin leaned forward against the steering wheel of his car while you sat beside him. You both watched on as the Reverend laid the girl down and began his assault of falsely “holy” acts. 

For respect of Jeanette, you both looked away during the actual act but when you saw her ride off, Teagarden got out of his car, a bunch of fabric in his hands and sniffed them as he watched her. “That fucking perv. How does nobody know about this?” You asked, disgusted. Reaster was a good girl. She didn’t deserve this abuse. 

“We know about it.” Arvin said, putting the car in reverse, “And that’s enough.” Less than a week later, word got out that Jeanette Reaster had run off. Grandma had told Arvin and Lenora that her mother had said to her privately that Jeanette left a note saying that she was pregnant but the father refused to believe that he was the father. To spare her family the shame, she ran away and begged them to just say that they had no idea what had happened to her. That’s what her parents intended to do for their daughter’s sake but had entrusted Grandma with the secret just so they had somebody to talk to about it.

The day after she disappeared, they found her body on the side of the road just a few towns over. Nobody had any idea of what had happened except for you and Arvin. Both of you were convinced that Teagarden had murdered her to keep his secret from getting out. 

The anger that was held between you and Arvin both was unparalleled. In part, you both felt partially responsible for her death. If only you’d said something, maybe you could have saved her. But neither of you even knew she was pregnant. That monster did to her exactly what he had probably planned to do to Lenora. 

“We have to set things right.” Arvin said, sitting in his car one night with you in the woods, “That girl is dead and I can’t help but feel like it’s on me.” His head hung sadly, the weight of another death weighing on his heart. 

You shifted sideways in the seat, your jeans rubbing against the vinyl car seats. You placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, “This is not your fault. This is the evil of a wicked man.” 

“A girl is dead, Y/N. He got her pregnant and murdered her. He got Lenora pregnant and tried to convince her she was crazy. He’s taking advantage of innocent girls out here and then tying up the loose ends.” Arvin sat there, so much hurt behind his brown eyes. Then an idea dawned on him, “Do you trust me?” 

The question took you off guard and it showed but you answered honestly, “Yes.” 

** 

Perhaps being quieter in church was for the best for this particular scenario. You’d never been as religious as the rest of your family or the rest of the town, for that matter. But this morning, you found yourself on your knees by your bedside. “Lord, please forgive the things that I am about to do. Please understand that I do this with the best intentions of protecting every other girl to cross paths with Preston Teagarden and to avenge the death of Jeanette Reaster. I pray that you please forgive Arvin as well as I know he is a man with nothing but good and love in his heart. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.” 

Almost on cue, your mom knocked on the door to see you on your knees, “Arvin is out front waiting for you.” She announced with a warm smile, noticing your outfit, “You look nice, sweetie! Since when do you clean up all cute for that boy?” She teased, a loving smile on her face as you smoothed out your yellow dress that hung just below your knees. The sleeves were tight and went about halfway down your biceps. It was far from revealing with a neckline that stopped just below your collarbones but it still was tight enough to accentuate the shape of your concealed breasts. A brown belt was tied around your waist, showing off your figure. 

“Yeah, well I figured that for once I might as well dress up and do something nice.” The lie slipped out smoothly despite the racing of your heart in your chest. 

She pulled you in for a hug, “Well you tell Arvin that I want you back by nine tonight! I’ll be going over to Mrs. Hadderson’s for quilting today, just so you know, in case I’m not home when you get back.” 

You picked up your bag and pulled her into a side hug, “Alright, Mama. Love you!” You hollered, running out the door. Arvin was dressed normally, just his blue jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked great as always. 

When you slid into the passenger seat of his car, he perked up and looked over at you, “Not used to seeing you like this on any day but Sunday.” He attempted to joke but found it difficult considering what the two of you were planning on doing. 

After driving a ways down the road, he asked, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this? Because I can drop you off with Lenora and I’ll take care of this myself.” 

Looking over at him to see his eyes scanning your face for signs of hesitation, you placed your hand on his leg, “I’m not letting you do this alone.” 

Not too deep down, Arvin felt terrible for allowing you to partake in this. Death had always seemed to follow him wherever he went; he didn’t want you to be stuck with the same curse. The two of you developed a plan but Arvin had created a backup just in case you decided you didn’t want to partake, not that he would blame you. He was terrified beyond belief himself but he’d decided that for the sake of every other girl in this town and any other one’s Teagarden had harmed in the past, he had to do this. 

The only thing making him feel remotely at peace with your involvement was the fact that you weren’t actually doing the killing. You were the diversion, he was the trigger man. Arvin sighed, relenting to the fact that you were in on this, “Did you bring the rope?” He asked, eyes flicking over to you and your bag between glances at the road that moved beneath the wheels of his car. 

You dug around in your little bag and pulled out a small length of rope, a weapon chosen for the lack of clean up. “Got it. You got the gun?” 

Arvin pulled his denim jacket back just enough to show the handle of the Luger that once belonged to his father. This weapon was chosen for its reliability. Once you guys started, you had to finish otherwise he’d tell everyone. 

Before you knew it, the tires were coming to a crunching halt on the rocky sideturn just around the corner from the church. A sudden wave of nausea came over you and you had to breathe deeply to settle it down. “You okay?” Arvin asked, reaching out for you. 

You swallowed hard, “Yeah.” Sweat began to bead up on your brow as a million different images of what could happen in the next few minutes ran through your head. 

Arvin watched as you zoned out on the dashboard and he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. It was the same inner conflict he’d had this morning before picking you up, when he first pocketed the gun.  “Whatever happens today, I need you to know that I love you Y/N.” 

You sucked a quick breath in. Neither of you had ever used the L-word before. Arvin was scared to because he’d lost so many people and the fewer people he loved, that fewer people he could lose. You had just never loved anyone romantically before and were too terrified that maybe you’d say it too early or think you felt it when you really didn’t. With Arvin, though, you knew it. “I love you too, Arvin.” You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips deeply, wanting nothing more than to stay against his skin for the rest of your lives. But, unfortunately, there was something you had to do first. 

“Remember, just get him to bring you to the field. I will be there waiting. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear?” Your faces were close together, so close your foreheads almost touched, as he went over the plan one last time, trying to make sure that you knew that you were safe as long as he was around. 

“I know.” You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though it was far from a grin of actual happiness.

Arvin watched as you got out of the car, leaving the small bundle of rope behind, and walked down the dirt driveway to the church. You looked just like someone that pervert would fall head over heels for. There was an innocent sway to your hips and the way you held your bag close to your body screamed insecurity, but the kind of a young girl who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. The funny thing was that this wasn’t something totally out of character for you. Sure, you had a mouth and fist that could dish as much as it could take, and yeah, you and Arvin had been together for almost half a year, but there was still a youthful innocence to you. There was still a brightness in your eyes and a pep in your step, one that hadn’t been beat down by the tragedies of life yet. It was one of the things that Arvin found most attractive about you but it was also one of the things that Preston Teagard would as well. 

The doors of the church were cracked open just slightly when you approached and you could see the Reverend sitting in the pews, reading his Bible, through the gap. Taking one less final deep breath, you pressed the door open and stepped in, the heels of your little white chucks padding against the hardwood. Teagard turned around at the sound, “Why, hello, there.” He greeted warmly. It disgusted you how this man could act no different after knowing what he’d just done but the worst monsters were human. 

“Uh, hi there, Reverend. I’m sorry to bother but I just needed to talk to you about something.” You began, accentuated your Appalachian drawl while trying to make your voice sound as young and innocent as you could. 

He patted the pew beside him, “Well, my child, you’ve come to the right place. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?” 

Skin crawling as you walked, you forced your feet to move towards the man and sit beside him. Right away, his arm stretched behind your shoulders as he sat uncomfortably close. At first, you avoided eye contact, “Well, um, you see, I’ve been… straying from the light and I really want to get right with God.” 

This had to be the first truth you’d told anyone other than Arvin today. You felt too terrible lying in the presence of God so you’d found a way to genuinely get your feelings off your chest while still luring Teagarden into your trap. 

He rubbed his chin and hummed, “The fact that you acknowledge this means you haven’t strayed too far. God always comes back to his flock, even to those little sheepies who’ve gone astray. Why don’t you tell me more.” He urged. 

Your hands squeezed the strap of your bag tightly, “I… I have lustful thoughts sometimes.” 

Preston was lucky he’d had a lot of practice concealing his emotions because he’d be lying if he said that those words didn’t stir something in him, “Now are these just thoughts or have you acted on them?” 

“Oh, just thoughts, Reverend. I’ve never acted on any of them.” You reassured, finally meeting his eyes. They seemed to look at you with such understanding that you could see why Lenora and Jeanette had fallen for him. 

He nodded in approval, “And who are these thoughts about?” 

This was where you’d have to do a bit more lying, “I don’t really want to say.” You blushed bright red. You knew that Preston must have taken this as a sign that it was about him but it wasn’t. Your dirty thoughts never strayed from Arvin. 

Preston looked away and then back down at you, “You’re going with that Russel boy, right?” 

Silently, you nodded, not wanting to incriminate your boyfriend too much in this process of confession. 

“Has he ever touched you?” Preston pressed, his body getting closer to yours inch by inch until your legs were nearly touching. 

The red in your cheeks wasn’t part of the act anymore but genuine. You shook your head, “No, never.” You felt almost panicked at the question. 

“Have you ever touched yourself to these thoughts?” His voice became slower, more cautious as his inquiries got riskier and riskier. 

You found yourself unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore and looked back down at your shoes instead, just shaking your head, “No, I feel too weird. Like it’s a violation or somethin’.” 

Preston looked away, as if considering something, before turning back to you, “Can I show you some place? I find it helps me feel closer to God when I feel like I’m goin’ astray. Perhaps I could help.” 

Hook and sink. He’d fallen right into the trap. With a shy nod, you agreed sweetly, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that. Is it far?” 

Teagard shook his head, “Oh no, not too far at all. But I’ll drive so we don’t have to walk.” 

Getting him to drive you to the spot was just as easy as you imagined it would be. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, you noticed a car in the far distance behind you that you immediately recognized as Arvin following. Preston’s car came to a stop in the same field you’d seen him take Jeanette Reaster to a few weeks ago, facing the woods ahead. 

It really was quite peaceful and would have been a pretty sight if you weren’t with a sexual predator. Again, his arm slid around your shoulders and you breathed in deeply, the intense sexual tension making you uncomfortable even though you had every intention of finishing him off before he even got a hand up your skirt. 

“You said that Russel boy has never touched you. Have you ever shown him yourself?” The fact that this man had the nerve to ask you such questions disgusted you beyond belief but you kept up the facade. 

“Like naked?” You clarified, seeing him nod, “No, not naked. We went to the lake one time so he saw me in my bathing suit then but that’s not exactly the same thing.” 

Preston chuckled at your naivety, “No, no, not the same thing at all. You know how you’re supposed to save yourself for marriage to be right with the Lord. But there is nothing that brings you closer back to our heavenly father than to be as Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the garden of pure paradise.” 

“How is that so?” You cranked up the childlike inquisitive nature as you looked up at him with big doe eyes. 

Preston had to fight the urge to take you here and now, looking at you like this, but he remained strong for the sake of the process. “They were made in his image. We all were but they were his original children. The pure, unaltered image of God himself, before the sin of man tainted it all. By showing yourself in your pure, unaltered image, you bring yourself closer to the light.” 

Your brows furrowed, “But didn’t you just say that premarital sex is a sin?” This may have been jeopardizing your mission but you felt inclined to point out the hypocrisy before you offed the man. 

He nodded, chest falling and rising with a heavy sigh, “It depends on who you’re with. I’m a man of God myself and I like to model myself after Jesus. I’d like to think that makes me an extension of His love and power and therefore an outlet for you to feel safe to do whatever you need to do in order to be right with Him.” 

With a shaky breath, you bit your lip, “Alright. H-how do I-?”

Preston watched as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt and let his mind wander to what else those fingers might be good at. “First, let us pray.” He reached over and held your hand, “Lord, Y/N is showing herself to you. See her Lord, as you made her. She presents herself to you. Give her strength. Amen.” 

“Amen.” You muttered after him, your fingers slowly going to unbutton your dress. This wasn’t how you’d imagined the first time a boy seeing you in your knickers going. In your mind, it had always been on a nice romantic evening with Arvin and a selfish part of you wanted it to stay that way but then you remembered why you were doing what you were doing and sucked down the reservations. At least you weren’t actually losing your virginity to the monster. 

Nervous fingers fuddled with the button for just a moment too long and Teagarden twisted sideways, hands coming to cover yours, “May I?” He offered his assistance. 

Your heart thumped so loud you could hear it but you nodded silently, letting your fingers fall onto your thighs. With deftly skilled fingers, he had your blouse unbuttoned before long and had pushed it off your shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat at this much exposure, your breasts just barely concealed under only the fabric of your bra. Lord, you prayed silently, please let this be over with quickly. 

Your eyes slid closed, trying to imagine that it was Arvin touching you instead of Preston Teagarden but then the mere thought of comparing the two made you sick to your stomach. They were nothing alike. 

A set of chapped lips kissed your forehead gently, then your cheek, and then, finally, your lips. At first, you drew back, but still kept your eyes closed, trying to mask the disgust with untouched hesitance. You forced your body to relax again and Preston took that as a cue to continue with what he was doing, his lips returning to yours. 

Wasting no time, he’d crawled over you until your back was flush against the seat. You placed your hands awkwardly and haphazardly on Preston’s shoulder’s, trying to feign inexperienced confusion. You and Arvin may not have ever gone all the way, but you’d at least gone this far. 

Preston’s lips moved down your neck and your breath got caught in your throat. As much as you hated it, he knew what he was doing. This man knew all the right buttons to push to make a nervous girl submit to his every desire and, though you were well aware of the game he was playing and had zero attraction to him, the physical reactions were almost impossible to stop. Your body shuddered when his stubble, something Arvin lacked, scratched the sensitive skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes were open wide now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finally show up and save you from this situation. 

Arvin approached the car and slowly and quietly as he could. The windows were up so it wasn’t too big an issue as long as he wasn’t clanging metal but he figured he didn’t want to take any chances. When approached the driver’s window, his heart wrenched and he immediately regretted putting you in this position. 

Preston was on top of you, his hands roaming all around your semi-exposed chest. He knew that you’d never been exposed like that to anyone before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for allowing the first time to be with anyone beside him, let alone Preston fucking Teagard. 

He expected to have to psych himself up for the actual kill, to have to convince himself to do it but when you locked eyes with him, a silent plea to get the man off of you, it came unnervingly natural. With the rope already wrapped around both of his fists, Arvin reached for the handle and threw the door open, looping the rope around Preston’s neck and dragging him back out of the car. Preston’s eyes were wide with shock and fear, “What the fuck?!” He hollered in fear, the words turning to gagging and choking. His hands grasped at the rope but Arvin had it pulled too tightly. 

Preston’s body was kicking against the grass but his neck and head were pressed against Arvin’s chest, who was kneeling in the field. 

“You really thought you could get away with what you did to my Lenora? To that poor Reaster girl you murdered? And then I bet you were willing to do the same to her over there too, huh?” He seethed, notioning over to you with a flick of his chin. 

The reverend tried to say something, anything to defend himself or get himself out of this situation but Arvin never let up so the words came out as disgustingly graphic chokes. You crawled out of the car, not knowing what you could do to help or secure the situation but feeling useless now. 

In a few minutes time, his lips had turned blue and the thrashing of his body had stopped. Arvin finally let up and the body slump into the grass. He crawled back and away from the man who had only moments ago been all over you, touching you. 

That was when he remembered that you were there still. He’d gotten so blinded by rage that he almost blacked out, caught up in the task at hand. But when he looked up, his heart began to beat again and he stood up, rushing to you, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” 

Your face was pale and blank, almost as if you were in shock. Your top was still totally unbuttoned, white modest bra still exposed to the world but you didn’t look like you cared at all. If Arvin was being honest, this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing you topless for the first time going. He always hoped it would be romantic and with more than enough time to compliment every inch of your perfect body. Instead, you looked scared and shocked and almost like you could be sick. 

“Y/N?” He urged, coming stand between you and Preston’s body, attempting to break your view of it. He reached down and began to re-button your blouse for you. 

“I’m fine,” You said flatly, only moving to look up at him, “Are you okay?” 

With a glance down at his knuckles, the rope burn was clear to see, but Arvin had been through much worse, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry that I let him do that. This whole idea was stupid and now-” 

“No,” You interrupted, finally snapping out of your shocked state and bringing your hands up to rest on his, which were on your chest now, “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.” 

Arvin didn’t actually feel remorse for killing the man. The only thing he wanted was to take you back home, or rather far away, where there weren’t any reminders of today’s events. He wanted to show you how special you were, how much he loved you, and how brave he thought you were for being willing to be Teagarden’s last victim for the better good of the world. 

[goodgirlofglory]

A hairy situation / One-shot

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Word count: 4,3k

Warnings: 18+, Explicit sexual content, Explicit language, smut, oral (m/f recieving), slight fingering, hair pulling, pubic hair pulling, pubic hair!kink, dirty talk, fluffy dirty talk, slight soft dom!Steve, some standard fluff in there too.

Summary: You usually keep yourself neatly shaved for when Steve returns from missions, but this time things change and you find yourself with a full blown bush by the time Steve’s about to remove your pants. His reaction is quite different from what you expected (*wink* *wink*) …

Author’s note: This has not been proofread by anyone but me, so all the mistakes are mine<3 Hope you enjoy<3

The warm water ran down your back as your hand absentmindedly caressed your naked stomach. Nowadays the shower was the only relief for your touch-starved body.

Usually, Steve would be gone for about three months when on missions. This one was bordering on four, and he had warned you the prognosis was five. You were already wallowing in self pity, your body practically humming with built up arousal at being left untouched for so long.

Only a month left, only a month left, only a month left...

Your hand found your mound and started playing in the curls that were adorning it. An impressive mop of dark curls had grown there during your months of loneliness, and you had now grown quite used to feeling the soft hair between your fingers. 

Usually you kept yourself bald except for a neatly trimmed triangle or heart above your slit - one time you even managed to make a circle with a star in the middle, which had made Steve both cringe, blush and laugh his eyes out at the same time. 

He’d fucked you all the same though, quite fervently too if memory served you right.

Now, however, you had let the razor lie for a while and suddenly you were sporting the bush of a 60’s hippie.

You quite enjoyed it, and would actually miss it somewhat when you’d shave it upon Steve’s return.

Steve always gave you a heads up when he returned from missions. Several actually. Usually he would call once he had landed at the compound, so he could hear your voice and how happy you became once you realized he was back. 

Then he would text once he had debriefed, showered and was leaving the compound, and then again once he had reached your apartment complex, mostly because he couldn’t help his excitement. 

That last text was usually just a heart emoji (you had laboured hard to teach him texting - especially emoji use - so those hearts were particularly satisfying).

So you always had plenty of time to clean the apartment up a bit, shower (and shave), dress in something sexy and maybe even light some candles and put on some sweet 30’s jazz (a special treat for Steve).

That’s why you weren’t stressing about letting your hair grow out down there, it would simply take a bit longer to shave once you got the notice from Steve.

Which would be a month away at least.

God

You stepped out of the shower, got dressed and left for work, ready to throw yourself into your tasks at the gallery in order to distract yourself from your misery. Maybe you’d even get some Ben and Jerry’s on your way home.

§

You struggled to push through the front door with your work bag on one arm and a bag of groceries (Ben and Jerry’s included) on the other. That’s when you noticed the music softly playing from the living room. Weird, you didn’t remember leaving the radio on…

When you’d closed the door and shook off your shoes, you noticed the distinct smell of your honey and rose body soap lingering in the air. There was no way that had kept since your shower this morning. Something was amiss...

You barely begun to feel anxious when a large pair of hands clasped around your face and a pair of familiar lips crushed onto yours. Your yelp was muffled by the passionate kiss, and a second later your mind caught up and you realized. 

It was Steve! There, in your apartment, his tongue sliding passed your lips and into your mouth as it opened willingly for him. 

The bag of groceries fell to the ground along with your bag and you flung your arms around his neck as he whipped his hands around the back of your thighs and hoisted them up to wrap around his slim hips in one, smooth movement.

You broke away from the kiss with a gleeful squeal. 

“You’re here!?” You were dumbfounded in your joy. 

“I couldn’t stay away from my best girl any longer,” he responded with a smile, pushing you up against the front door.  

“But I didn’t get a call! Or a text. Or even a heart emoji,” you said, more incredulous than anything else. It was a wonderful surprise that caught you completely off guard, blizz surging through your body. 

“Yeah, I wanted to surprise you, actually see you when you got the news for once. I had the team do the debriefing on the jet so they could drop me off here directly,” he said as he leaned in for another kiss. “Totally worth it to see your reaction,” he said against your lips, and laughed when you slapped his chest.

“You scared me, you asshole,” you exclaimed, but you were laughing with him.

“Sorry,” he answered as he kissed his way down your jaw and onto your neck, warm hands squeezing your thighs. He didn’t sound sorry at all, teeth nipping at your pulse point, drawing a tiny gasp from your lips.

Touch-starved indeed. 

Your mind started to fog over with a wave of arousal as you started to feel down his back. The muscles rippled under your fingertips, and you raked your nails back up to his neck, eliciting a quiet groan from his throat. 

That’s when you noticed he was completely nude except for a rather tiny towel around his hips.

“You showered here? And you used my body soap?” you asked.

“I had to shower, I don’t think you could have handled the smell. Three months undercover in the Croatian black market, the last three weeks on a pig farm in the countryside. Plus, your body soap reminds me of you. Got me hard just smelling it,” he said, letting you down on your feet again as he started ripping off your layers of clothing, breath coming out in pants.

Hard indeed, you thought, as you looked down to see the tiny towel struggle against the tent at the front. 

Instinctively, you reached for it, throwing the towel off as he threw your jacket and scarf aside, grasping his hard cock in one hand, feeling how hot and heavy it was in your palm.

He threw his head back and let out a shuddering breath, hands loosely wrapped around your neck as you gave an experimental tug. He seemed pretty much as touch-starved as you. 

There was a reason you reacted so quickly once you got the heads up. Aggression, stress, adrenaline plus his enhanced physique usually meant a lot of pent up energy needed release once Steve got back from missions. You had no qualm at all being the vessel through which that energy was released. Steve would put you through the mattress two to three times during the first night back, and you absolutely fucking loved it. And you loved him, and were pretty sure he loved you back.

“I love you,” he muttered against your lips as he started pushing you towards the bedroom, your hand still wrapped around his cock, pulling at it slowly as leakage began to spring forth at the tip. Your mouth watered at the sight. 

“I missed you, I need you. Now,” he continued, voice breathy as his eyes gazed sweetly into your own. Your breath caught in your throat at the piercing blue. 

“God, Steve, you have no idea how much I’ve longed for you,” you heard yourself saying, emotion washing over you almost making you whimper. You still couldn’t believe he was here, a whole month before time!

The back of your knees hit the bed and he gently pushed you down onto your back, hands going straight for your pants when you froze.

Shit. A month before time. Fuck

Without the heads up you hadn’t had the opportunity to shave. You hadn’t even gotten your bag off your shoulder before he had practically thrown himself over you in the hallway.

You had no idea what this would mean to Steve. Would it be a turn off? Did women sport bushes in the 40’s? Had he even seen a woman’s pussy before he went in the ice?

The thought of this moment being ruined sparked a panic in your mind and your hands shot up to grab Steve’s wrists as he was undoing the button of your pants. 

His hands stilled and he gave you a confused look. 

“What is it?” he asked, concerned.

You gave a strained smile and bit your lips as you stared into his curious eyes. Why were you suddenly being so unsure of yourself? This was Steve, you could say anything to Steve!

“You know, since you were a month early, and didn’t text before you came over...I didn’t have time to...freshen up...down there,” you said slowly and gestured awkwardly to your crotch.

He huffed a laughter. 

“Honey, you know I love the way you taste. Just let me get these off you,” he said confidently as he undid your sipper swiftly and started to tug at the waistband of your trousers.

“It’s not that,” you said, again stopping his hands mid-movement.

You took a deep breath.

“I haven’t shaved...in four months...so it’s kinda...bushy” you said, averting your eyes in embarrassment. 

This was truly uncharted territory, seeing how you couldn’t even keep eye contact. This was the man who’d had his whole tongue up your ass. 

“Oh” he said, surprised, though there was a hint of curiosity in it. 

His eyes grew wider as he stared at your pant clad crotch, hands still on the waist band. His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip as he focused intently on the space between your legs. You couldn’t read his expression, he didn’t seem to know exactly what he was feeling himself.

Then he slowly pulled your pants down your legs and threw them on the floor. He sat down on his knees in front of the bed and pulled at your thighs with ease until your butt was right at the edge. He never let his eyes away from your crotch, you watching him intently.

When his eyes darted up to meet yours, they were dilated to the point where only a small rim of blue shone around the black pools of...lust?

“You’ve grown a whole forest for me, have you?” he asked, voice suddenly gone dark and ruff, and he looked back down between your legs. 

You tiny lace thong concealed your slit and puckered back entrance, but not much more. On all sides of the light purple fabric was wild, dark hair, some even springing forth through the lace. You thought it was actually quite a pretty sight, but was still holding out on the verdict from Steve. 

He let a finger trail the hair that was growing on one side of your panties, and a hum rang through his chest. That seemed like something you could recognize. It was a hum of approval. Of appreciation almost.

He took one of the curls sticking out of the lace between his fingers and pulled lightly. The tugging sensation provoked a gasp from you, and the responding grunt from Steve’s lips caught both of you off guard. Your eyes met briefly in surprise, before you both returned your focus to your hairy core.

You were starting to understand his reaction now, intrigued. Reaching down, you tugged your panties to the side, letting him see your slit and the puckered lips between the two mops of hair. 

His breath came out harder as he spread his fingers through the hair before pulling at the lips, spreading them open to reveal your weeping hole and red clit, swollen and needy for attention. Without another word, Steve leaned in and gave a swipe of his tongue up the entire length of your slit, and you moaned at the pleasure that bolted through your core. 

He started licking and sucking at your leaking sex like a man starved (which he to some degree was), hands gripping your hips and holding you down as you sqiurmed at the stimulation. 

As he worked you, you threw your shirt off along with your bra, and his hands automatically reached up to your breasts as you lay back down on your back. Deftly, he rolled and pinched your hardening nipples with coarse fingertips, all while lapping at your clit with quick and wet expertise. He moaned into your core, sending a shiver up your spine and you started to rock your hips against his face in rhythm with his licks. 

You knew you wouldn't need long tonight, and when Steve pulled his right hand down and slipped two fingers right into your cunt, he only needed to curl his fingers a couple of times before you came undone, back arching and lips open in a silent scream as you came, convulsing around his fingers. He languidly licked you through your orgasm, groaning into your wet heat as you relaxed back down on the mattress, breath ragged. 

He removed his fingers from within you, and you lamented the absence. He put the fingers in his mouth, sucking greedily on the digits. He kept your eyes in a locked gaze as he moaned at the taste, and you whimpered at his unabashedness. 

“You taste so good, baby,” he said between licking the residue of your orgasm of his knuckles. 

America’s golden boy was such a dirty bastard in bed, and you couldn’t help your proud giggle at being the one who unleashed his inner beast. 

His eyes went back to your quivering cunt and he let his fingertips gently play at your entrance. You didn’t quite understand where he was going with the gesture, but didn’t mind at all. He looked on entranced as he moved his fingers around your weeping hole, and you looked at him.

“God, what a sight,” he whispered, almost to himself. “Such pretty, wet curls”.

Your cheeks flushed and you let out another giggle. His attention drew to your face, and he laughed as well as you hid your face in the crook of your elbow. He raised himself to his feet and crawled over you on the bed.

“What?” he asked, smiling from ear to ear as you giggled again.

He was so darn cute, and still rock hard, his engorged length brushing against your inner thigh.

Instead of answering, you lifted your head up and caught his lips in a kiss. Enthusiastically, he threw himself into it, gasping when you took his bottom lip between your teeth and sucked lightly. A shiver went through him, a near pornographic groan leaving his throat. 

Oh he was on tonight 

You couldn’t wait to taste him. To feel his throbbing cock stretch your mouth, salty on your tongue. 

You gently pushed at his chest, and he let you roll him over on his back. Lord knows you would never be able to move him without his help, but you both liked the feeling of you being in charge. 

He watched you intently with those breathtaking blue eyes as you slithered down his body, laying wet kisses to his strapping chest, dipping your tongue into every divot of his abs. He let out these wonderful, small gasps every so often, his hands going into fists at his sides. 

You wasted no time when you reached his cock, only licking once at the small drop of clear fluid sitting at the tip before taking the purple head into your mouth, sucking lightly. 

Steve let out a strangled moan and threw his head back, eyes falling closed. 

"Oh my god, baby, that's it," he panted.

Spurred on by his words, you started to work your head up and down his throbbing length, pushing him further in each time. When he hit the back of your throat, you pushed through your need to gag and swallowed around him. 

He groaned, a deep, vibrating sound that went straight to your core like a lightning bolt. 

You felt his hands on the back of your head as he held you in place.

Yes, yes, yes, you thought through your body's surge for air. 

Tears pricked at your eyes as your throat convulsed around him, and Steve called out in that stern and commanding voice above you. 

"Look at me" 

And you did. His heavy brow furrowed, cheeks flushed and lips red, swollen and slightly parted. He was a vision and your cunt clamped around nothing, screaming for attention. 

He gripped a fistful of hair and dragged your face off his cock. Your ragged breath ripped out as oxygen finally found your lounges, long strings of saliva connecting your mouth to his red and angry cock. 

You could feel him losing control of himself in the way his look darkened, his muscles twitching. You eagerly anticipated it. He gripped your jaw and slammed his mouth to yours, spit and precum mingling between you in an open and obscene kiss that was mostly tongue.

He drew you up to straddle his waist with the hand on your jaw and you eagerly obeyed his manhandling. 

You splayed one hand on his chest, while the other reached between you to grab his cock and lining it to your entrance. He let his hands glide up your thighs and settle on each ass cheek as he spread them slightly. 

You locked eyes with him as you felt his tip breach you, forcing your flesh to yield to his massive girth. 

A groan escaped his gritted teeth.

As you tried to lower yourself though, you felt his hands holding you put, not letting you move a centimeter.

You looked down at him, and you saw him smugly cock a brow at your obvious frustration. A needy whine escaped you. 

"Tell me what you need, baby," he commanded, almost encouraged. 

The cocky bastard was getting off on denying you, enjoying torturing you. 

You secretly loved it. 

"Come on, baby, tell me. What do you need?" 

You knew the questions applied to more than just the serious fucking you craved that moment, and had craved for months now. 

"I need you," you whispered, staring into his intense eyes. 

He moved you with ease a few inches down on his cock, relishing in your gasp as he stretched you so sweetly. 

"Tell me how you feel about me," he demanded, keeping you pinned in place as you squirmed in his grip. 

You whimpered in your desperation to be filled. 

"I love you, Steve. I love your face, your tongue, your cock. Even your sadistic pleasure at torturing me like this," you gritted out, nails digging into his chest. 

He groaned at your words and pushed you down on his cock in one swift motion until he bottomed out inside you. 

You struggled to take in air as he kept you put with his hands on your hips, the new torture not being able to get away.

He looked on, eyes hooded as you gripped him like a vice. 

"That's it, baby. You need this, you need me. You love me. You’re so good at taking me, swallowing me so greedily," he kept repeating as he rocked you slowly on him, waiting for you to adjust. 

"Yes,” you repeated breathily as you started moving your hips in tandem with his hands. Soon he removed them, letting them hover over your waist as you moved on your own, riding him harder and harder. 

You started riding in earnest, slamming yourself down on his cock as the squelching sounds of your arousal filled the room. 

“Fuck,” he exclaimed. Your chest swelled with pride.

His eyebrows started to raise in a telling way that made you think you were actually gonna make him come, and you moaned at the prospect.

That's when he caught you by surprise, sitting up and flipping you over so you were under him, remaining inside you the entire time. 

He wasted no time before he was pounding into you, the bed protesting the vigorous movement underneath, you encouraging it above. 

He threw one of your legs on his shoulder, sitting up on his knees to get that angle that always made you see stars. 

And boy, was he right on cue. His cock punched right onto your sweet spot and you arched your back, cunt involuntarily squeezing him. 

"G-god," you choked out, hands clasping at his thighs, feeling how his taunt, bulging muscles moved under your touch as he fucked into your yielding body, bringing you closer to the edge with every thrust.

You looked up at his face, and saw how his hand reached around your thigh to ghost above your lower abdomen, seemingly contemplating.

You were right on the edge, vision blurred, sweat on your forehead as you looked on. 

That's when he ran his fingers through the hair on the top of your mound and closed his fist around it. He took in a sharp, shuddering gasp and his movement faltered for a moment. His brows raised again. 

His hand tugged harshly at your pubic hair and to your utter surprise, your orgasm exploded within you, your mouth opening in a small whine as your body went rigid. 

Steve groaned deep in his chest before his eyes rolled back. His hand tugged harder on the fistful of hair, sparking your prolonged orgasm with a painful sting. 

He gave a few, deep thrusts as his own release coursed through him and into you, filling you up with four months worth of pent up juice. 

Through your haze you squeezed his thighs lovingly, nails digging into the skin. He was so goddamn, fucking beautiful. 

Steve released his grip on your hair and let his softening cock slip out of you. He collapsed beside you on the bed, one massive, hot hand on your thigh to keep you connected.

You had early on learned that The Captain's love language was touch, and he would usually keep himself physically connected with you at all times during the first 24 hours back from missions - to your varying delight.

You lay there, listening to your pants as you came down from your high. It was all so strange, and all so good. 

You turned your head towards him, taking in his glorious side profile with his straight and imposing nose, strong chin and ruff stubble, piercing blue eyes concealed by pale eyelids and a flutter of thick, long eyelashes. 

“I gather the bush wasn’t a problem?” you teased.

The way he had reacted to it had been anything other than what you expected. You thought maybe you’d get some mild discomfort, some awkwardness and then just ignoring it all together. 

Not ...that. 

You mound still stung a bit from his harsh tugging at the end there.

He smiled and turned to meet your eyes, cheeks slightly pink. 

“You gathered right,” he said, and averted his eyes in the cutest way possible. You rolled onto his chest and made him look you in the eyes. His hands found your back and started stroking a couple of fingers lightly up and down your spine.

“Where did that come from? If I’d known you’d react like that, I would have grown it out a long time ago!”

He laughed.

“If I’d known, I would have let you know a long time ago. Everyone I’ve been with before you sported the same...baldness as you normally do. And it’s not like I saw a lot og nude dames back in the day, ya know.”

Ah, that answered that question

As your thoughts lingered on his response, he saw his opportunity to grab the back of your head and bring you in for a sweet kiss. Starving and deprived, the kiss soon turned heated, and his tongue effortlessly slid into your mouth as you moaned at the intrusion. 

You broke the kiss before it became too consuming, earning a disappointed pout from Steve as you quickly threw yourself from the bed. You pointed a finger at him.

“No, no, no, I am going to shower before you go any further, mister!”

He raised his hands in defense at your tone, but a smirk was playing at his lips. 

“Plus, I think I need to shave a bit, don’t you?” you asked innocently.

Before you knew it, he had rushed forward, grabbed your wrist and waist and hoisted you back on the bed, effectively pinning you under his weight, one wrist in each hand at the side of your face. You felt your body humming with energy at his power demonstration.

“You’re not going to shave a goddamn thing,” he said matter-of-factly, though there was a playful tone to his voice. 

You giggled at his words, which turned into a gasp as he leaned down and nipped at your neck.

“Do I need to go down there and remind you who you belong to? Eat your wet and hairy pussy like cream, taste my stain as it leaks out of you?” he rasped in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and right to your core. The dirtier side of your Captain still took you by surprise sometimes.

Then your eyes flashed open as realization hit you. Cream.

“Oh my god, Ben and Jerry!” you shouted as you pushed at your restraint, and Steve, ever the intuitive, let you go immediately when he understood the moodshift.

You darted out of the bed and sprinted from the room.

“That better not be someone you're expecting,” Steve called from the room, and you couldn’t control your laugh as you bounded for the discarded grocery bag in the hallway.

As if...

Author’s note: This was my first one-shot, and a hell of a lot of fun. I don’t really remember where the whole pubic hair!kink-idea came from, but once it entered my mind, I couldn’t get it out until it hit the paper. I just imagine Steve being a real lover of natural bodies and natural body hair, ya feel<3 Thanks for reading, love you<3

[yuzukult]

i’m bad too 18 || kdy & reader

title: i’m bad too - drabble series pairing: kim doyoung x reader genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut, goodboy!doyoung, nerdy!dy (basically he’s a dork) & badgirl!reader, hitman!au, oc-isn’t-a-hitman-but-she-could-be!au, word count: 1.8k warnings: none for this chapter a/n: just two more chapters left to the end !! :D taglist: @wownajaemin​​​​ @crescent-iak​​​​ @ncttboo​​​​ @byunbaekby​​​​​ @jinfizz​​ @doyoungyoung​​ @ahgayeah0305​​ @doyobun​​ @sexualitaeyong​ @mrkleelvr​​ @m1ss-foodi3​​ @hcwurld​​ ← previous chapter || next chapter →​​

Doyoung’s favorite drink is caramel coffee.

He doesn’t like it hot—you recall him mentioning, he prefers it iced, and he finishes it so fast that the cubes don’t melt and condensation doesn’t drip off the sides of the plastic cup.

So you shouldn’t be surprised that he’s at this very café. Especially since it is his spot, but it also shouldn’t be news to you when you’ve come here everyday for the past two weeks in hopes of running into him.

You wonder how he’s been doing. It’s been months since you’ve last seen him; forever ago since you saw him with that girl Karina, and you’re curious if he thinks about you as often as you think about him. He’s on your mind daily, sometimes by the hour depending on what you’re doing, and he feels like a drug you can’t quite quit (despite the shortage of time you’ve done fine without him).

And you admit willingly that your feelings for him come rushing back the moment you see that pretty smile dressed upon his lips when he laughs from his chest at the video his friend shows on his phone.

But you continue to sit in the corner of the shop, face behind your device as if you’re immersed in the technology when you’ve got your eyes on him the entire time.

Instagram doesn’t do justice. You never know what he’s really up to, you learn, because his feed only shows the happy pictures he poses for. But his stories—you stay for that. There’s some nights you’d catch him posting something with a scenery, a little heartfelt description written along the horizon, and it gives you a glimpse of how he’s vaguely feeling. Maybe they’re for you, well, you were hoping they were, but for a guy who isn’t the greatest in the romance department, he’s very artistic, so it wouldn’t be surprising if it weren’t for you.

Maybe it was for Karina.

Okay, there might be a slight chance that you were bitter about that chick. She hung out with Doyoung often, from what you speculate, possibly involved in the same friend group, having mutuals together (which, already is how she’s so different from you). She roughly reminds you of that emotion that runs through your veins when you first saw Doyoung talking to Joy; that clenched jaw, tightened fist, and a deep swallow to push down all your anger. Joy was just a friend, and you eventually learned that without having to go the hard route, but Karina… didn’t give you any reason to believe her friendly motives. But Doyoung isn’t yours, you have to remind yourself, and because he isn’t, there’s no need to get upset.

For one, the times you followed (don’t judge, you missed him but didn’t want to approach him if he wasn’t ready) him, Karina always stuck to Doyoung like glue. She was practically joined by the hip; batting her pretty long lashes, cheeks brushed with that coral pink blush like she’s all embarrassed because sweet boy Doyoung accidentally touched the back of her hand, and whenever she got the chance, she’d hold onto his arm tightly, pretending that she couldn’t catch her balance in those Ultraboost sneakers that were basically socks on a sole with no support.

“Ugh, you always do this,” one of his friends says, loud enough that you could hear from where you’re sitting. “How do you manage to beat me every time?”

“I learned the tricks,” Doyoung retorts, voice stable but his face all smug. “Doesn’t look like you did though.”

The other guy rolls his eyes before tossing his phone onto the table. “Forget that dumb game. I’m actually curious about something,” he begins, leaning over with his forearms pressed against the surface. There’s a mischievous smile that tugs on the ends of his mouth, and you rest back in your seat in curiosity when his tone changes. “You and Karina. What are the two of you?”

You nearly snap the pen you’d been fiddling in your hand.

Fucking Karina. Again. This bitch just keeps being brought up, doesn’t she?

Doyoung shifts in his seat, hands with his phone dropping onto his lap. A brow quirks, narrowing a strange gaze at his friend. “Why are you asking?”

“Mmm, heard there’s rumors going around about Karina liking you.”

“And,” Doyoung takes a sip of his iced coffee. “Why’s that matter?”

The friend clicks his tongue, groaning that Doyoung isn’t picking up the not-so-subtle hints. “Because. Have you seen her? Or are you just blind. She’s smokin’ hot like… literally any guy would want to get with her. And you too, which is kinda crazy—”

“—is it impossible to believe that someone attractive can like me?”

“I mean, no offense Doyoung, you don’t exactly look like the type that would sweep those types of girls off their feet. You spent most of the time indoors! Watching movies, playing games, maybe sometimes you go out to clubs and parties but barely and it’s with our geeky friends. Even I can come to terms that I’m a geek. Jocks or bad boys are what she would be into.”

Doyoung sighs. “Where are you going with this?”

“You should date her. Since, you know, you have that chance.”

He shrugs, bending the straw of his drink like he’s occupied with something else that’s going on in his mind. He’s quieter than usual, especially around a friend, and it’s left you pondering what’s got him so tied up. But then, you hear it.

“I’m waiting for someone.”

His guy scoffs in belief. “You’re waiting for someone. Who? That chick you were having friends with benefits with like a year ago? Dude, she was also out of your league. Rode a motorcycle, didn’t talk to anyone, hot, and somehow you got her attention. But dude, she’s been gone for a while now.”

Doyoung purses his lips. “Told her to come to me whenever she’s ready. Karina and I don’t really have something like… that. Not worth dropping the chances of her coming back and seeing me with Karina.”

“She’s got you that bad?”

A soft smile pulls on his lips, and he nods confidently. “Yeah, she does.”

When Doyoung and his friend pack up their bags to leave, he halts in his tracks. “Actually, you head out first. I’ll meet you later tonight, I won’t be going to the pre-game.”

The latter stares at Doyoung suspiciously. “Really? What’s up with you? Thought you said you were tagging along.”

“Yeah but… I gotta do something real quick. I’ll meet up with you.”

Strange, you think to yourself, because Doyoung seemed like he was going to leave too, until that very last second. Then, you notice something. When his friend leaves through those double doors, he turns and looks directly at you.

At you. Like he sees you.

You’re not a ghost, but you’re pretty good at camouflaging yourself with a crowd. You’re not the prettiest nor the ugliest, so being average has an advantage in this field, but Doyoung isn’t like normal people. He sees you, and even though you’re in a black baseball cap with casual clothes to match, he still can spot you in a sea of people.

“You’re here,” he says, his tone between a question and a statement. Part of you expects him to be angry, fuming with rage because you’re here instead of asking him to meet up. “You’re… actually here.”

“I’m surprised you found me,” you retort, standing up from your seat and gathering up your belongings. “I thought I was good at blending with people.”

“I’m in love with you, you expect me to not see the girl I’m head over heels for?”

You pause.

Bag not even slung over your shoulder, your heart does the complete opposite of your motions and races. He what?

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Doyoung straightens his posture, trying his best to read the expression on your face. “Why… Why haven’t you called or reached out? Were you not ready until now?”

“I thought… you had a girlfriend,” you admitted, and truthfully, you’re not sure how Doyoung manages to get you to spill out your insecurities so easily. His eyes widened, and before he could say anything else, you interrupt his train of thought. “But that was months ago. It’s fine. I trained, and I’m back in the field, and I wanted to see how you were doing, that's all.”

“But you didn’t want to call me?”

You clear your throat, drifting your gaze elsewhere. “Like I said before. Thought you had a girlfriend. I don’t want to interfere with anything in your life that could be normal.”

He has a finger on your chin, directing your attention back to him. Your heart skips a beat this time, air sucked out of your lungs from his stare, and you swallow. “I waited for you, though. If you’re ready to come back, please come back. I have never dated anyone since I left your place, and I don’t intend to either. I made a promise and I’m keeping it.”

You hated reporting here.

There’s something ominous about this warehouse; it’s not just the people who occupy it, but it’s the building itself. Outside, it looks like an abandoned stone mill. Worn down walls, windows shattered, and located in a dangerous neighborhood, secluded from all the up-and-coming buildings that are being constructed a couple blocks down. The cars that came for drop off didn’t come here either, so it made the building even more mysterious and seemingly empty.

But the moment you stepped in the front doors—it’s like a factory.

A factory that manufactured everything from guns, grenades, to bombs, and so on. Everything that you wore on missions, everything you held between your fingertips, and everything you utilized in the field were all made here.

The headquarters.

Upon entering, you had to go through security. Guns are to be logged in, identities are checked through the system, quick but yet thorough pat down, and phones are chipped until you leave the premises. Needless to say, they were careful and even someone like you with so much skill and worthiness cannot go undetected here.

“Boss is asking for you.” A gorgeous girl says, clipboard in her arms. She’s got her hair tied in a low bun, glasses on with thick frames, and a pencil skirt to pair with her white blouse.

“I asked for boss, but yeah, that.”

She nods, bowing her head just slightly and you’re wondering how she even got in this field. Shy, quiet, and fragile, she seems, and you wonder if she knows what’s actually happening around here. “Please follow me.”

She takes you down a narrow hallway, far from where the other workers were posted, and takes you through these metal doors that looked too heavy for her to push, but the guards standing by the sides do it for her instead.

“Head on in. He’s waiting.”

“Right,” you gesture her a head nod in thanks.

Taeyong is seated at his desk, two additional guards standing on either side of the wood, and he’s fidgeting with the pen in his hand. “Lookie here. Our star player. Ten’s little sister. What do I owe the honor?”

“I want out.”

[cuinnamonbun]

The brothers being accidentally in love with the Muslim even though they can’t be with them... would they lowkey convince the MC or would they sulk lol

(Say if it goes for both ways, MC is a hopeless romantic lowkey lmao)

OOF. So much angst. This one is a real brain teaser, I had to read SOO many tragedy poetry and fics to get the feeling so excuse the sentimental writing LMAO. A bit of warning though, I feel as though the brothers are OOC in this which is seriously messing me up, but I didn’t want to leave you bare-handed!

I feel like this HC requires a bit of context in order for people to understand why I wrote the brothers’ reactions the way I did. So I’d like to iterate the fact that I, too, am a hopeless romantic and I definitely believe love can change even the most difficult man. I’ve always had this HC in the Obey Me! universe that every creature is fallible and that the brothers, once fallen, are now much more vulnerable to these new emotions than when they were angels since they’re no longer bound to the service of God y’know? 

So with that in mind, onwards to the HC!!

p/s: I’ll post the little brothers’ reactions soon, hope you liked this :)

How the Brothers React to Accidentally Falling in Love with a Devout Muslim MC (Big Brothers)

Lucifer

At first, this man will pursue MC for not-so-wholesome gains (cough corruption kink cough). Lucifer is a very decisive man. He knows what he wants and unashamedly goes after it and he will stop at nothing until it’s rightfully his

But in his pursuit, I could see him actually, really, really falling in love with MC

It’s their pure, kind soul that attracted him initially as with all the other demons, but the more time he spends with them, the more he gets sucked in until all he wants and craves is MC

It’s almost heart-warming if not a bit concerning

However in his chase for MC’s affection, Lucifer would forget one crucial detail: MC is a Muslim, one whom is devout especially now having seen angels, demons and hell right in front of their eyes and when he accidentally witnessed them praying, he will just shut down and instantly remember that they are not meant to be

To put it simply, it’s illogical for them to even be together

When the realisation dawns on him, he immediately turns a full 180 and become a massive dick to MC, even borderline cruel that shocks the brothers

If MC confessed their love to him, Lucifer’s heart would soar in happiness, but his pure, unadulterated love for them would force him to push them away and tell them that he doesn’t reciprocate their feelings

But I could also see his Pride taking factor into this.

A prideful demon such as he, who willingly defied God and fell from Heaven, he would absolutely REFUSE to have his partner so dedicated to God. 

It won’t sit well in him at all and it will absolutely leave a bad taste in his mouth

But this doesn’t change the fact that he’s still in love with them, a fact which he DESPISES and is DISGUSTED by

When they left the Devildom, Lucifer would do what Lucifer does best: repress his feelings. That, or take it out on Mammon lol

But seriously though, he would need an outlet for his anger, heartbreak and yearning and he would most definitely drown himself in work or by punishing his brothers.

He can pretend all he wants that he’s fine, but Lucifer’s cues are pretty easy to read especially since MC has managed to get the demon brothers’ to bond with and understand each other deeper beyond surface level (a miraculous feat, kudos to our MC), the others can definitely tell that there’s some serious repression going on

But Lucifer gets very snippy whenever the brothers try to help him with it, which irritates the HELL out of them and they would be too annoyed with him to even bother helping him now 

Now that his pride has driven away both the very person whom he loves and his brothers, Lucifer will become even more withdrawn and far, far lonelier than he was before MC came into their lives

Sometimes, he curses the circumstances that led them to him, even if they were the best thing that ever happened to his family

Yeah, heartbroken!Lucifer is just ;((( (Alexa play bitches broken hearts by miss billie eilish)

Mammon

This man is a capital S simp.

Mammon gets attracted to anything shiny/pretty REALLY easily (after all, it’s one of the main reasons why his symbolic animal is a crow) so him being attracted to MC at first didn’t really come as a surprise

I think he knows the difference between finding someone attractive and actually being in love with them despite having never even fallen in love before

He’s lived for centuries and plus, his own sister loved a human, he’s certain he has never felt that for anyone before

Him realising that he’s in love with MC would definitely come as a shock to him though. This tsundere can deny it all he wants, but he can’t deny the fact that MC’s mere presence alone gives him serenity and cardiac arrest at the same time

His initial reaction when he comes to terms with it would definitely be to flee and avoid MC like they’re the plague. But this man pines and when he does, his sin will flare up and MC will find themselves with a very clingy Avatar of Greed by their side

To Mammon, being in love is the equivalent of stepping outside of your home for the first time in weeks and feeling the gentle warmth of the Sun caressing your skin

He is gentler, more compassionate, and more attune to MC’s feelings. He definitely places them above Goldie because they are his most prized possession, the keeper of his heart, the rarest jewel and like everything he treasures, he takes extremely good care of them. But he would NEVERRR let MC or his brothers EVER know about that (sike, everyone knows it, he’s so soft for them it’s so obvious. They find it endearing though)

Which is why when he remembers that they’re Muslim and that they worship God, the very deity he curses and rebel daily against, his heart would break

He isn’t stupid (well, not all the time), he’s lived in the Celestial Realm before. He has seen the humans who reside there once they pass their mortal life. They were infinitely exuberant compared to the ones who were condemned to a lifetime of punishment in the Devildom for their sins

And he could never doom them like that, it would hurt him to see his love miserable and depressed down in the Devildom even if he would want nothing more than for them to be together forever

So, he would bottle up his feelings and try his best to live in the present and enjoy what little time he has with them, even though he felt like that entire year passed by in a flash (which, in demon years, is most definitely like the blink of an eye)

If MC reciprocates his feelings, I can picture him being so, so joyful about that fact, but he knew that their romance is a tragedy right from the beginning. He is a fallen angel, he can’t change his nature and he has transgressed against God in the worst possible way; by swearing eternal enmity towards Him.

I can’t picture him getting over them, even after they’ve passed and are thriving in the Celestial Realm

omg I'm gonna sob Alexa play Smile by Juice WRLD

Leviathan

We all know that Levi thinks of MC as his Henry, his number one best friend

And he’s right. There were no instances of their hangouts being anything more than platonic

When he first started falling for MC, he’d deny it like Mammon did

Him? In love with his best friend? Preposterous.

Eventually he’ll come to realise it though because they were probably watching hilarious videos on the Internet (cough Buzzfeed Unsolved cough) and Levi was so distracted because he was just staring at MC laughing suuuper hard at the video in pure awe. Like his lil demon heart just went doki doki

Pure joy is so beautiful on people and seeing it on MC?? They were  pulchritudinous

But even after coming to terms with it though, Levi becomes SUUUUPER shy and embarrassed about that fact that for the first few days, he avoided them because he couldn’t compose himself in their presence

Eventually our beautiful demon of envy will snap out of it by MC cornering him and tearfully telling him that they miss his company 

So now they spend even more time together and Levi will slowly become more confident around MC

This means soft, shy touches turn into ‘accidental’ brushes against them then to full lingering touches until finally, he becomes confident enough to throw his arms around them in a hug

Unfortunately, depending on the gender identity of MC, this may not fly all that well

In Islam, contact between opposite sexes whom you have no familial relation to/are not married to is considered a sin (I can elaborate in another post if anyone is interested in it though) and MC will have to politely turn him down, but this doesn’t mean that they hate him. It’s far, far from that

They have to be gentle in their explanation to Leviathan. This man’s self esteem is so low that if MC were to ever recoil from his touch, it would send him into a shame spiral and self deprecating thoughts that is much, much worse than before

So MC will have to remind him that they are Muslim, that they are bound to the services and will of God.

This reminder will destroy him though and his sin will absolutely consume him

He would become so, so envious of God that someone as amazing and wonderful as his MC is so dedicated to Him, and in his envy, comes wrath.

Though his wrath is not as potent as Satan’s, it is enough for him to act irrationally and ruin his friendship with MC

He just couldn’t stand to be around them because all he wanted to do is to hold them, kiss them and love them and his envy for them will become too much that he will start to breakdown because of it

I do picture him being a yandere though with his being the Avatar of Envy. If MC returns his feelings, it might be best that they keep it to themselves and not make it known because this man WILL latch on to them and never let them go

He would absolutely turn them against God if it meant he gets to be with them for eternity even after they die

[stellarlex]

Why Lila Apolgists Make Absolutely No Sense

*SIGH*

You know, typically, I honestly believe its fine to like a villain’s character. They can be interesting, and so does their progression. Perfect example of this is Chloe Bourgeois. Don’t get me wrong, I hate Chloe with a passion. She’s entitled, an elitist, a spoiled brat, a vicious bully, and an even worse superhero who frankly shouldn’t have been given another chance since she squandered it by still being a bully after being trusted with the Bee Miraculous.  

However, we do see her character change a bit once we see how her mother is. Frankly, her mother’s abandonment of her is still no excuse. Especially since now that her mother is staying in Paris, Chloe and her mother delight and even bond over being as mean as possible to others. Chloe does gain some insight but has trouble learning from her mistakes.

Chloe apologists make excuses for her because of her mother, but they have no leg to stand on because while Audrey Bourgeois is mean, treating her daughter meanly didn’t turn Chloe mean. I say that because Audrey Bourgeois was absent from Chloe’s life, so she had no real influence on Chloe. Chloe just likes being mean, and so does her mother and they bond over it.

Which brings me to Lila Rossi.

Lila Rossi is a flagrant, vicious, unrepentant liar and a bully. From the very first episode that she appears in, it’s clear the only purpose of her lying is to make herself look better to get people to like her, and so that she could possess Adrien Agreste.

Some Lila apologists, (I’m not gonna @ anyone because quite frankly some people are literal infants who can’t take when someone criticizes their fave character and feel the need to insult people when they were in fact not insulted at all. News flash majority of the fandom hates her and if you don’t want her to be criticized in your posts, turn off the fucking comments.) wholly believe that Lila was just lonely and is a “teenage girl who makes dumb decisions like every other teenager.” “Just wants people to like her because she moves around so much.” “She’s being manipulated by Hawk Moth.”

OH. FUCKING. PLEASE.

First of all, Lila doesn’t want friends. She wants fans. There’s a big difference. Lila didn’t even tryto be honest when she first got there. She just immediately came in and started lying about knowing all these famous people and making promises she couldn’t possibly keep to make herself look good. News flash, there’s no fucking excuse for her to lie like that. Was it dumb for her to lie like that? Yes. But for those apologists that say that she’s just a teenager and that teenagers make dumb mistakes, the point of negative consequences is that you LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. She had negative consequences when she got caught by Ladybug and chewed out.

And before people come on my post and whine about how Ladybug shouldn’t have chewed her out like that, lemme break that interaction down a bit:

_______

- Lila used a superhero’s name to make herself look good, but not only did she make herself a target for Hawk Moth, she jeopardized Ladybug’s standing in Paris. What would happen if Lila’s lying made citizens view Ladybug negatively, which considering how easily Lila turned Marinette’s classmates against her, isn’t a stretch.

- Ladybug had been jealous, there’s no doubt about that and I don’t condone her jealousy. Jealousy however is NOT the only reason she followed Lila. It stopped being about Lila the moment Marinette saw Lila steal that book. I say that because Marinette was clearly afraid that Adrien would believe Lila’s lies since Lila had worked hard to make herself look like a real superhero in Adrien’s eyes in order to gain his affection. Marinette was also angry because Lila, who she doesn’t know from a can of paint was disparaging her superhero persona in order to manipulate Adrien into liking her.

_______

Now that I’ve broken that interaction down, I can say that Ladybug had absolutely EVERY right to chew Lila out like that. Ladybug softly taking her aside wasn’t gonna help Lila. Lila would have just kept lying because it works for her. Lila needed to be exposed and embarrassed about being caught, because those are adequate consequences to being a liar. Consequences are a learning tool for when you do something wrong. Yeah she made a “dumb teenager mistake”, but when she was caught she felt embarrassed and should have learned not to lie like that anymore.

Instead, she blames Ladybug for outing her, which is absolutely stupid.

Lila has no one to blame but herself for her actions. Ladybug isn’t the one who lied, Lila did. Ladybug wasn’t the one who stole Adrien’s book, got a fake miraculous to impress him, and toss his book in the garbage. Ladybug also didn’t lie to her parents about school being closed because of akuma attacks, and lie to her classmates and teacher about traveling to these exotic places. Ladybug didn’t willingly work with Hawk Moth on Heroes Day to get multiple people akumatized by making Ladybug look like a villain. Ladybug wasn’t the one who lied about having a disability to sit next to a boy, nor did she threaten a student in a bathroom and then again willingly work with Hawk Moth. Ladybug didn’t lie her way into the Agreste mansion in order to spend time with Adrien, or give him an unwanted kiss, take a picture of it, and then send it out to everyone she could in order to make it seem like she and Adrien were together. Nor did Ladybug willing team up with an akuma and lie about being injured so that the heroes of Paris would lose the battle. Ladybug also didn’t willingly go after Chloe Bourgeois so that she could break the connection that Chloe and Adrien have.

No. Lila did all of that.

Which is why it baffles me that Lila apologists makes these excuses for Lila like she’s some little lost lamb who’s just so lonely that she can’t help but lie in order to make friends, or that she’s being manipulated and groomed by Hawk Moth to act that way.

BOO. FUCKING. HOO.

Nobody told Lila to lie to people. She did that all on her own and she guards her lies viciously. She was a liar before Hawk Moth ever targeted her, and judging by how good she is at manipulating others, she’s been doing this long enough to be good at it. Being the new student is no excuse to lie to make friends. The moment she was caught by Ladybug she should have learned her lesson and confess to her classmates. If she were repentant about it, it’s more than likely that people would forgive her. Maybe not everyone, but that’s still a consequence she should experience for lying.

Even if she really was that lonely, she’s only going to be more lonely once she gets caught by everyone. And then she’s back to her supposedly lonely status with the added consequence that no one trusts her.

But Lila’s own willingness to do anything to guard her lies by isolating and bullying someone makes the entire argument that she’s lonely unfounded. In fact, Lila’s loneliness works to her advantage because without her mother there to dispute her lies, she can lie all she wants and manipulate people to her side to her heart’s content. If she was really just some teenage girl who was lonely, why would she make someone else feel isolated and lonely? That entire argument is BOGUS.

As for being manipulated by Hawk Moth, I will say that he is manipulating Lila, but not NEARLY to the extent that Lila apologists make it seem like she is.

Let me explain:

_________

Hawk Moth didn’t manipulate Lila into going after Marinette. Lila did that all on her own. Hawk Moth did however make a public statement to piss Lila off in order to akumatize her on Heroes Day…..

The first time.

The second time was absolutely her own willingness to work with Hawk Moth, a terrorist, in order to take down the heroes of Paris. Once he took those powers away, he was no longer manipulating her through magic. She looked more than happy to continue working with Hawk Moth. I will admit though, after seeing Troublemaker, that it may be possible to still be in the villain mindset even when the item is broken and the person returns to their regular form without being cleansed by Miraculous Ladybug. The majority of those who didn’t do that, for example Weredad, where Tom went back to his human form and didn’t still act like a villain despite not being cleansed by Miraculous Ladybug, proves that it is more than possible for a person’s akuma powers to be taken away and they return to their normal mindset.

I fully believe the latter example is what happened to Lila.

Her continued hate of Ladybug is proof enough that she willingly helped Hawk Moth the second time he akuamtized her on Heroes Day. She didn’t regret anything she did.

_________

Lila is more than willing to work with others to achieve her goals of bringing down Ladybug and having Adrien for herself. Gabriel however, doesn’t manipulate Lila much. He doesn’t have to. All he does is point her in the right direction with some comments like he did in Miraculer when he spoke about Chloe and Adrien’s friendship. All he said was:

“I don’t think Adrien is completely indifferent to Chloe, they’ve had a very strong friendship ever since they were young. A relationship that no one can ruin.”

Everything that Gabriel said about Chloe and Adrien’s friendship was the absolute truth. Did he know that it would rile Lila up? Absolutely. Did he make her go after Chloe? Absolutely NOT. She did that on her own out of jealousy and the need to have Adrien all to herself. Gabriel in fact hadn’t said a word to Lila before she started ranting about Adrien’s friends. She did that all on her own. He didn’t offer her anything to go after Chloe. He didn’t lie to Lila about Chloe and Adrien’s friendship. He hadn’t even been the first one to mention Chloe, Lila did that.

Like I said, Lila wasn’t manipulated much by Hawk Moth. He doesn’t need to do that. In Chameleon he certainly didn’t manipulate her into taking the akuma. She akumatized herself and was all to willing to do it. In fact, Hawk Moth sent Oni-chan after Lila to keep her away from Adrien, and it was after Oni-chan that Gabriel saw a way to concurrently benefit from Lila’s manipulative ways.

Sorry Lila apologists. You can’t claim that Hawk Moth is the reason she acts this way or that he’s consistently grooming her. Because if you look at all the facts in canon, he isn’t. He doesn’t really need to. He didn’t manipulate Lila into hating Chloe because she already hated Chloe before Gabriel ever mentioned Chloe and Adrien’s bond. All he did was tell the truth. He didn’t make Chloe out to be some big bad villain that Lila needs to save Adrien from. He just said that they were friends for a long time. And for that reason, Lila went after Chloe.

Is Gabriel a manipulative prick and terrible father? No doubt about it. But surprisingly enough, despite how he already dislikes Nino, he never made Adrien break off their friendship. In fact the only reason he mentioned Chloe’s friendship with Adrien in the first place was because he wanted to get Chloe to be his ally and to steal the Bee Miraculous. He doesn’t want to Lila to isolate Adrien from his friends. He could have done that himself.

Lila however DOES want to isolate Adrien from his friends. I can think of no other reason why she would want to separate Nino and Adrien other than to keep Adrien completely to herself and isolate him so that she is the only one he will turn to for comfort. Sociopaths and psychopaths will act charming in order to get someone, and then they will convince or bully their significant other or friend that they don’t need their friends or family until they have no one else to turn to.

She wouldn’t mention Alya because Alya has no romantic interest in Adrien and needs her in order to have internet fame on the Ladyblog. Nino however is someone that Adrien would gladly spend time with without Lila, and people like her can’t stand that. They are so jealous that they won’t even tolerate the object of their affection to have friends.

It may seem out there to Lila apologists, but here’s something that they cannot deny that is absent in canon.

Gabriel in canon never mentions his dislike of Nino to Lila.

Not. Fucking. ONCE.

EDIT: (I can’t believe I forgot to add this the first time.) What proves my theory about Lila’s dislike of Nino is in Chameleon. What I forgot about was that after Adrien told Lila to stop lying, she tried to do to Adrien what she threatened to do to Marinette, to turn his friends against him. That part is important not only because of how she tried to punish Adrien for going against her, but also because of who she tried to turn against him first. And the person she immediately went for was NINO.

That destroys any possibility that Gabriel told her his dislike of Nino for her to exploit, and that’s important because it means that she really is trying to break up Adrien and Nino’s friendship. It’s also important because if she destroyed their friendship, she would then be able to control Adrien through that friendship.

All it would take are a few words about how Nino should be friends again with Adrien and Adrien would have his best friend back. But that also means that if Adrien didn’t fall in line to what she wanted, she can destroy that friendship again. And we all know how much Adrien treasures his friendships when he’s not sticking his head in the sand.

So what reason would she have to hate Nino and insult him besides her own interests in Miraculer? Oh yeah.

NONE.

It’s not far off from what she’s trying to do with Gabriel. She’s trying to control Adrien’s life through his father who everyone knows is really strict. A word from Lila would tip things in her favor, and it benefits Gabriel because her lies are a chance to akumatize someone. Just like we see in Miraculer, Lila is all too willing to badmouth anyone in her way to Gabriel in order to manipulate Gabriel into isolating Adrien from his friends.

In conclusion,

Nearly everything that Lila apologists make excuses for in regards to Lila’s behavior can EASILY be debunked by canon. She’s not truly lonely because her efficiency in lying depends on her being the only one that spreads information. And she clearly likes to lie.

Lila needed to be exposed in the way Ladybug did it because she needs consequences to learn not to lie. Instead she just blames everything on Ladybug instead of herself because she’s a narcissist, and a sociopath who refuses to take the blame for anything she’s done wrong.

Gabriel isn’t manipulating Lila into the way she is or nearly as much as apologists make it out to be. She was lying before he ever akumatized her, and he’s never made her believe that the people she hates are evil. Not even Ladybug. She already hated Ladybug, and she already hated Chloe before Gabriel ever mentioned the truth about Chloe and Adrien’s friendship.

The arguments that Lila apologists make in order to justify Lila’s behavior in the show is mostly unfounded. Now, I love Marinette, but I will absolutely openly criticize her behavior when she screws up. And she has screwed up plenty of times. But Marinette learns from her mistakes and actively tries to make up for what she’s done wrong.

Lila has absolutely done none of that. At least Chloe has tried, and as much as I hate Chloe, that makes Chloe better than Lila in my book.

Before I end this, let me give this one last piece of criticism for Lila apologists, or just people in general who do this:

Calling people names and insulting them for having a differing opinion is absolutely juvenile and people who do this should be ashamed of themselves.

For Lila apologists in particular, It’s also really funny how they talk all this shit about a person who has a differing opinion about Lila by saying “you’re hating on a teenage fictional character” when they will openly insult anyone who hates that “teenage fictional character”.

I often post on Lila and even Chloe, Kagami, and Adrien apologist’s posts because I want to have a discussion and see the reasons why they believe certain behaviors are okay. My intention is to offer a differing opinion so that people can stan less and think more. I don’t always go about it correctly and I tend to use sarcasm sometimes. That’s my fault and I will admit that. But I have never insulted anyone. My purpose isn’t to pick a fight. It’s to discuss canon and trade theories. I look at things unbiased based on the facts that I am given from canon. We’re all fans of this show, not competing houses in fucking Hogwarts. We’re allowed to have differing opinions and we’re certainly allowed express our differing opinions if the comments are open.

I once told a Lila fan that she should stay in her lane and not comment on people who hate Lila’s posts. Honestly, now that I’m writing this, I feel a bit like a hypocrite in regards to that time. There is however a difference. They were basically demanding that everyone tag their Lila hate, and I had to explain that Lila as a character was meant to be hated, and it wasn’t fair to make the majority who hate Lila tame their opinions of her in order to make the small amount of people who like her happy. I suggested that they tag in a way that is welcoming to Lila fans.

That’s totally fine to do and I still suggest people do that.

I also suggest to Lila fans, apologists, etc., that you should be prepared to accept criticism if you decide to leave the comments open on any post, and not just posts about Lila. If you can’t take that, turn off the comments or make a place where you can do that. But remember this:

You don’t get to insult people and act fucking immature just because you can’t take criticism about a “teenage fictional character”. Or any character.

The comments are open and I eagerly await a rebuttal.

[brittle-bone-gabe]

The Forgotten: Chapter Nine - Trashmouth

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Epilogue

Summary: Barry Berkman couldn’t remember much of his childhood; he knew he used to live in Derry, Maine, but that was about it, besides being taken by his “Uncle Fuches” at age 16 to move to Cleveland, Ohio. Eddie Kaspbrak moved from Derry, Maine to LA, becoming a police officer, surprisingly enough. Normally things were quiet for the most part, besides the occasional drug busts, but it’s when someone named Barry Block enters his line of sight as a possible suspect for the recent string of murders he has to push the feeling of remembrance to investigate.   Pairing: Adult Reddie  (Richie x Eddie) Or, technically, Barry x Eddie Read on Ao3: Here

Eddie waited in the lobby of the precinct until Richie drove away from his spot across the street before heading back inside. Almost like he needed that reassurance that Richie left without any issues, Eddie was hoping that he would make it home alright… Wherever home was for Richie…

There was so much on Eddie’s mind right now, after hearing what Richie had to say. Just… knowing that he was more or less forced into a life he didn’t want to be apart of was very saddening. While it was sad, Eddie had to tell himself that Richie could’ve tried a little more to get out of that life; he could’ve left without telling anyone since it was apparent that he was allowed to go wherever he wanted, especially since he attended an acting class. The situation was fucked up, but Richie still killed people, he was still a murderer… So why was Eddie having such a hard time coming to terms that he needed to arrest him?

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Eddie turned around, limping his way through the precinct. A couple of phones started ringing in the office around him, for some reason the sounds were setting Eddie off, suddenly it felt like he was having sensory overload. The officers who were standing around talking and laughing at a normal, reasonable volume now felt like they were all screaming and it was setting Eddie on edge. He needed to get away from this.

Instead of heading back into his cubicle, Eddie took a quick turn, limping into the conference room where he used the whiteboards for the case he was working on. The pictures of those in the acting class were still pinned up, seeing them felt like a slap in the face. The answer was there the whole time and he was too blind to see it. What was he going to do now? The case was more or less solved… but did he honestly have the heart to arrest Richie? Yeah, he understood that if he didn’t he would be a hypocrite, and if anyone on the force found out he would get into some major trouble… but at the same time… Richie was his best friend that was put into an unfortunate situation.

As if on autopilot, Eddie began taking the pictures down, deciding that he needed to talk to Richie about all of this if he were going to keep this from coming out. He couldn’t willingly allow Richie to keep doing this job, but if he stopped, actually changed his life around like he wanted to then maybe it would be more bearable to let Richie walk free. Yeah, it felt wrong, it felt horribly wrong, but it was a difficult choice. Letting out a shaky sigh, Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache coming on.

“Giving up on the case?” Detective Mae asked, leaning against the door frame of the conference room with her arms folded over her chest.

“What? Oh…” Eddie looked at the pictures he was holding onto. “I dunno…” he admitted, tossing them onto the long table in the center of the room. Everything is right there… you have the evidence… Eddie let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his head. “I can’t… really find anything else about this case. I think it’s time to put it back.”

“Uhhuh…” Mae said, acting as though she didn’t believe him which set Eddie further on edge, giving her a look. “What, uh… what was that in the car?”

At first Eddie had no idea what she was talking about, but then it hit him quickly.

“Were you watching me?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mae shrugged, walking over to the table, picking up the pictures to shuffle through them as if there was a secret message there. “Did it have to do with the case?” She asked, a small smile tugging at her lips but she refused to smile fully, dropping the pictures back down on the table.

“Yeah,” Eddie lied, “but, it’s not that. I don’t have anything else to go off of this case…” he repeated as if he said it enough times it would become true.

She couldn’t hide it anymore, Mae finally let her smile shine through. “I know what’s going on here.”

The sentence was so vague, there was so much shit that Eddie had going on, so much shit that Eddie was hiding that he felt like panicking. No, there was no way she knew about Barry. Eddie knitted his eyebrows together, trying to act like he was confused about what she was talking about… Well… he was confused. Eddie literally had no idea what she was going on about or what she could possibly know.

“Wh-what-what do you mean?” Eddie stuttered, resting his hand on his aching leg, which suddenly felt more painful than usual. He needed more pills.

“Don’t play dumb, Kaspbrak. You weren’t talking about the case with that guy.”

“Wh-”

“What’s his name?”

Eddie paused, trying to put two and two together to see where she was getting at, but he couldn’t be sure.

“ What?” Was she implying what Eddie thought she was implying? For fuck’s sake, what was Eddie getting himself into now?

“I’m not stupid, Eddie.”

Eddie opened his mouth to naturally say Barry, but that wasn’t his name. “...Richie,” he answered quickly.

“And how long has that been going on?”

Well, shit. Mae was implying… that. For almost a year, Janice and Mae had been encouraging Eddie to put himself back out there after he broke off his engagement with this woman he’s been seeing when he lived in New York for a short period of time. The relationship had become long distance when Eddie decided to move to LA for a better job opportunity, of course his fiancée didn’t like that, but she was suffocating him, so why not break it off? Eddie wasn’t happy with her, she wasn’t happy with the situation… It seemed like the best option.  

Eddie cleared his throat, his face now had a pink tint to it. “We’ve actually known each other for years, but we’ve just reconnected.”

                                                              -----

Barry slammed the door of his car a little too hard in the parking lot of the theater that it echoed. Out of pure paranoia, Barry glanced over his shoulder into the street to make sure that nobody had been following him. Well, the only person he had been paranoid about was Eddie, if he wasn’t paranoid before he was paranoid now, especially since he basically spilled everything to him in the car earlier. Now he had every right to come and arrest him, but if Eddie was going to keep his word like he had implied then Barry should be fine.

He moved towards the building, his mind and heart heavy as he had been thinking about something the entire drive here. He clutched the backpack strap that was over his shoulder, digging his fingernails into it instead of picking at his skin, Eddie told him to stop doing that so he was going to attempt to stop. From behind, Barry could hear a group of other students laughing and talking amongst themselves, something he lowkey wish he had; of course he was acquaintances with most of the people in his class, but not close. Sure, they invited him out sometimes, more so when Barry first joined the class, now it seemed like he would be invited once in a blue moon. While going out with friends once in a while would be fun and get him out of the hotel room, he wasn’t going to force himself into somewhere he wasn’t welcomed.

Letting out a sigh, Barry went inside, picking at the band-aids on his hands. The dim light shined over his face as he moved past the stage he had become accustomed to rather quickly so he could take his normal seat up in the front. Before sitting down he caught eyes with Sally, giving her a small smile, she returned it but it didn’t feel sincere. Yikes, this is why Barry didn’t interact too much with others.

There was a lot on Barry’s mind right now; his main issue was his identity. Who was he? Obviously his real name is Richie Tozier, he understood that now, but it was still hard to come to terms with. His childhood was a distant memory, his whole life was picked apart and pieced together with false information from the one man he thought he could’ve trusted, and now this whole thing with Eddie? Barry closed his eyes, letting out a breath to calm himself, to calm his thoughts and focus on the moment like Mr. Cousineau had taught him to do.

“...Barry? Barry.”

Barry jerked his head up at the stage where Gene Cousineau was standing, trying to get his attention. He felt the entire class looking at him, like their eyes were burning in the back of his head and he hated the feeling. Barry’s shoulders hunched up, embarrassed that he was zoning out in class again. Gene was more like a father figure to Barry than Fuches ever tried to be to him and Barry hated letting him down.

“Yeah?”

Gene motioned for him to come up on stage. Out of habit, Barry looked over his shoulder to make sure he was gesturing to him. He swallowed hard, shifting his backpack to the left side of his feet so he could get up from his seat.

With his heart pounding against his chest, Barry made it up on stage, standing next to Gene, who was holding a script out to him. He paused, looking at the small stack of papers in Mr. Cousineau’s hands.

“This is the monologue I want you to do for the next class, Barry,” Mr. Cousineau told him, shaking the script a little to encourage Barry to take it from him.

Knitting his eyebrows together, Barry took the script, the papers feeling rather heavy in his hands. His identity was a major part of anxieties as of late, he wanted to change himself again. Or… Not necessarily change himself, more like going back to the person he was born as.

“Hey, guys… um…” Barry had started his announcement to the class, instantly regretting it as he had no idea how he wanted to word this or if this was exactly what he wanted. Well, he started, he might as well finish it. “So I’ve decided something.” He had everyone’s attention, he could tell by their confused looks. “I’ve decided that…” He took a deep breath, looking at the script in his hands. Yes, he wanted this, he didn’t want to be Barry anymore… “I’m changing my name.”

There was some murmuring, which made Barry worried that he made the wrong choice to bring this up. Maybe he should’ve kept living his life as Barry while suffering with this identity.

“Changing it to what?” Mr. Cousineau asked him, rubbing his chin.

“Richie Tozier. Or, on stage, Richie Trashmouth.”

“What’s with the name change?” Sally had asked from her seat, from her tone it was obvious that she wasn’t impressed.

“I dunno… It feels… right. Better than Barry.”

Sally opened her mouth to say something else, but Mr. Cousineau cut her off before she could say anything.

“Alright, Richie Trashmouth,” Richie let out a sigh of relief, he liked how that sounded coming from Mr. Cousineau who always easily accepted him, “we do our monologues next class.”

The rest of class had ran rather smoothly, certainly a lot better than last time for Richie. He was certainly in the zone now, doing the exercises without his mind wandering and forcing himself into a panic attack. In fact, not once did he think about Fuches, or Eddie, or the hot water he could possibly be in. This is exactly what Richie needed, finally he was able to relax and chill out with a hobby he actually enjoyed.

Towards the end of the class, Gene was standing up on the stage, giving feedback as he checked the old fashioned watch on his wrist.

“Well, that’s all I have for you guys. I hope you all have a wonderful night.” Everyone started packing up their belongings and standing up from their seats, so Gene had to call from over them. “Richie? Can I speak to you for a moment?”

Richie stood up, throwing his backpack over his shoulder before meeting up with Gene who had stepped off the stage. They stepped to the side so the rest of the class could leave.

“I need to ask…” Gene started, gesturing towards Richie’s face, “what’s with the glasses, son?”

“Oh…” Richie instinctively reached up to touch the side of his glasses to make sure they were still on his face, as he had just gotten used to them so it was like they weren’t even there, “I usually wear contacts, but I don’t have anymore. I need them to see.”

“Listen,” Gene started as he grabbed Richie’s shoulders, looking him in the eyes, “I’m really proud of you. I know it wasn’t easy to stand up there on stage and tell everyone about your new identity.” Richie nodded, feeling his eyes burning from the tears that were threatening to fall because, for once, he felt like someone understood him and what he was going through. “But, I have to ask… Is there a reason for it?”

“It’s just… I caught up with a friend from my hometown and seeing him again made me remember a lot of things.”

“Cleveland?”

“Actually, no. Derry, Maine.”

“Never heard of it.”

Richie chuckled, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. “That’s not a surprise.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see what Richie Trashmouth brings to us. Have a nice night, Mr. Tozier.” Gene patted his shoulder before heading back down the hall towards his office.

Richie’s heart and chest felt heavy, but not from anxiety or any negative feelings for once, no, instead it was more like a… overwhelming feeling of happiness. He had a huge smile on his face as he turned to leave the theater. Mr. Cousineau accepted his new identity and that’s all that really mattered to Richie, it felt like he was doing something right for once in his life and wanted to keep this going. Now that he was Richie Tozier that meant he wasn’t going to be doing anymore jobs for Fuches and that was final. As soon as Richie got back to the hotel he was going to take his half of the money, pack his shit up, and leave to find his own place away from Fuches and Hank. Fuck the job. Fuck Fuches. Fuck this.

The moment Richie stepped outside the building his smile dropped when he saw Sally standing out there, waiting for him with her arms folded over her chest like an upset mother. Richie stopped in his tracks, his hand clutching the backpack strap again, swallowing hard. He felt like he did something wrong, but wasn’t sure what it was. He opened his mouth to speak but Sally started speaking first.

“What the hell was that?” She asked him.

“W-what was what?”

“That… Richie thing.”

Richie glanced around for a moment before looking back to Sally, confused on what that was supposed to mean. “That’s… my name?”

“And the glasses?” She reached up, touching them which caused Richie to flinch and back up a little bit. “What the fuck’s going on with you?”

“I just feel like it’s more fitting,” Richie defended himself with a single arm shrug.

Honestly though? What was the big deal? He was wearing glasses and had a new name. How did that suddenly make it the end of the fucking world? Why was it okay for other people in Richie’s life to do things to make themselves happy but whenever he did something for himself to change his life, to make him happy it was suddenly wrong? It wasn’t fucking fair.

“I mean…” Sally started, dropping her arms to her side dramatically, “it’s one thing to have a stage name like Barry Block, but why do you need to change your entire name? And why Trashmouth?”

“Oh… that’s what my friends called me back in Maine.”

Sally rolled her eyes. “Get it together, Barry,” she said before walking away.

Richie took off his glasses, holding the lenses up so he could see through them before attempting to snap them in half, only managing to bend the frames. He was left there alone, confused, and in the middle of yet another identity crisis.

[eldritchsurveys]

674.

have you ever violated school dress code? >> I wasn’t allowed to wear anything that would have violated any school dress codes, so I have no idea how that would have ever happened.

if you are listening to music, is the singer male / female? >> I’m not listening to music.

what [ if anything ] do you give up for Lent? >> I don’t observe Lent.

what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? >> I mean, I can’t think of any on command, but there are plenty I come across online and stuff that make me snicker. I just like wordplay, tbh.

when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? >> I mean, it’s mostly Can Calah who gives the impassioned arguments in defense of not giving up. I just listen and gripe and wait for his infallible logic to work its magic.

what are your opinions on immigration? >> I don’t have a blanket opinion on immigration. I have no personal issue with individual immigrants, no matter their story. They’re just people to me, who want the same things I want -- to survive, to have their needs met, to make a better life.

would you tell an actual immigrant your views? >> Of course I would, if they were unsure where they stood with me.

what was the subject of the last list you made? >> I don’t remember the last time I made a list.

do you ever get nervous before interviews / important meetings? >> I mean, I would if that was a thing that occurred in my life.

who pays for the majority of your belongings? >> It’s pretty evenly split between me and Sparrow.

would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? >> Of course...?

what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? >> I mean... that depends on many factors, including what the outfit is for and how much money I have.

is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? >> ---

when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? >> I don’t remember.

have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? >> I mean, maybe a long time ago. Doubtful, though.

the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? explain your choice to rate it as such? >> I rank formal education rather low on my personal importance scale, but I rank informal, interest-based learning very high on my personal importance scale. I love to learn, but I don’t operate well in school settings and actually end up learning less in those settings.

what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? >> I haven’t done any cool science experiments. :(

are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? >> No.

how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? >> I don’t know how to deal with that kind of thing anymore.

when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? >> I haven’t been in this situation in a long time, I don’t know.

have you ever played around with "dry ice"? >> No.

do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? >> Of course they are, if we’re talking literal children (not teenagers). It takes some time for a small human to develop the sense of independent reasoning and reckoning of consequence that would allow them to take full responsibility for their actions.

how do you, personally, define music? >> I never really thought about it, it’s one of those concepts where I basically take my understanding of it for granted.

should the military draft take both men AND women? why / why not? >> That’s not a debate I’m willing to get into. I want nothing to do with a draft and I ideally wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with getting drafted, actually.

when was the last time that you corrected someone? >> I don’t remember. It was probably something really minor and not a big deal for either party. --Oh yeah I remember now, it was about why Bourbon Street is named Bourbon Street.

when was the last time you were corrected? >> It was also probably about something minor and nbd. I think the last time might have been when I misspelled “Lolth” because believe it or not, I’ve been doing that since 2009. I always misspell it “Lloth”, it’s just what happens.

when did you last say " i told you so "? >> I don’t remember. I try to avoid saying that unless it’s about something funny/silly.

is there any celebrity you like to " keep up with "? >> Not especially. I mean, there are definitely actors and directors that I pay attention to more than others when they get involved in new things, but I always forget to like, keep regular tabs on them or whatever.

celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? >> Boo.

what is the most life-changing book you have read? >> I couldn’t say. A lot of books I’ve read have had a significant impact on me in some way.

have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? >> Sure.

has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who / why? >> Absolutely. I’m not going to elaborate, the negative impact that others have had on me is both 1) way too lengthy and sensitive to elaborate on and 2) not worth dwelling on right now when I just want to chill and take a survey.

what does marriage mean to you, specifically? >> It means legal recognition of our partnership, which is necessary for things like, say, being each other’s advocates in a medical emergency.

how will you know when you are ready to get married? >> I didn’t bother fretting over whether I was “ready” or not. We’d been living together for a couple of years by the time the topic even came up, it didn’t seem like a weird next step to make.

how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? >> Way more time than is logical, probably.

is there a joke that you just can't stand? >> I mean, probably. There are a lot of insensitive jokes out there.

have you ever read any self-help books? >> Yeah.

what's your take on the obesity problem in america? >> I don’t have a take on it. You know what I do have a take on? The constant social pressure to be thin, and the resultant contagious obsessions with eating the “right” foods, compulsive exercising, and worrying about a number on a scale. Being fat, of all things, shouldn’t be this dramatically frightening or repulsive to people, but that’s what we’re made to believe, and that’s the message we’re all internalising on a daily basis. I’m fucking tired of it. I got enough problems.

what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? >> I don’t think I’ve ever flipped that hard on anything. There are things I’ve liked casually that I ended up not caring about later on, but nothing that I loved that I started hating later. I might shift from being obsessed with something to just being chill about it, but that’s it.

what is something you used to dislike, but now like? >> I disliked Metallica as a child.

when ( if ) you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? >> I don’t plan on being a parent, but how I treat children in general is almost directly in contrast to how I was treated as a child. I treat them with respect, I listen to what they have to say, I let them feel their feelings, I show interest in their interests, etc.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? >> Let’s just say that I did not ever feel loved or respected when I was spanked. I felt terrified and shameful and being left alone to self-soothe afterwards with no real understanding of why I was being punished so harshly definitely didn’t help. I don’t feel like my understanding of right and wrong was healthily developed by corporal punishment. I don’t see any benefit to it, but I see a lot of harm. So, no. I would not spank a child.

what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? >> I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve done anything especially ridiculous?

--- did you regret it / love it / hate it / want to do it again / etc? >> ---

is emotional cheating ( in a relationship ) as bad as physically cheating? >> I have no opinion on this, it’s irrelevant to my life.

if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? >> ---

when you look at the sunset, what do you think about / feel? >> I mean, it all depends, don’t it? I don’t have the exact same thought every time I look at something.

is there someone you wish you could trust / you wish was trustworthy? >> No. I just wish I didn’t have such overdeveloped trust issues.

is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who / why? >> Well, yeah, and those people are, therefore, no longer in my life.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? >> I’m not sure, I haven’t really kept track.

have you ever walked out of a boring movie ( in theaters )? >> No. I did want to walk out of Infinity War, though. Not because it was boring, but because it was pissing me off. (Also, that was back when Anthony was still around, and he wanted to walk out too.)

how open are you with people you know online? >> It depends on how I know them, what we have in common, how long I’ve known them and to what degree, etc.

what do you think of athletes that take steroids? >> I don’t think about that.

if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to effect how you view him/her & his/her work? >> Not really. I barely notice when scandals like that happen, anyway. It also seems like most scandals are just sensationalised overhyped nonsense to get people talking about whoever it is, for publicity, and has nothing to do with, like, the merits of the performer’s art or whatever.

what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? >> ---

what is one fashion trend that you hope makes a comeback? >> ---

what is one that you wish would just die out already? >> ---

have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol / drugs? >> I don’t drive, period.

are you overly attached to your material possessions? >> No. I can be a bit under-attached, in fact. I’ll throw a thing away in a heartbeat. (This doesn’t apply to like, electronics, or any other expensive thing that I use on a constant basis. But like, t-shirts, books, toys, novelty items, other shit that ends up just taking up space and collecting dust? Bye.)

have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? >> Not since I was a teenager, most likely.

living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? >> I... I have lived in poverty. Poverty is my default state of existence. I don’t really know what to tell you about “what it’s like”. What’s it like to not be poor?

what is one " diet " that you think is just utterly worthless? >> All of them are worthless to me.

what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body / appearance? >> I wouldn’t give them advice. Advice is what the entire world is going to try to give them. I’d imagine they’d be tired of advice (unless they’re specifically asking me for it, I guess). But I’ll always have a “mood” or “I know that feel” to offer, because... yeah. Same. The shit sucks and there’s no easy way out of it.

what advice would you give someone about to start high school? >> I don’t even want to think about that phase of life, I’ll pass.

what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? >> *shrug*

what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? >> I mean, I don’t know. USian attitudes towards and assumptions about a lot of countries are... misinformed at best.

have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? >> Yeah.

in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? >> Nope, don’t care.

do you understand / read shakespeare? >> I have never been able to grok Shakespeare, and I’m not interested enough to keep trying.

would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? >> Most likely not. Luckily, that’s not likely to happen.

do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? >> I mean, yeah, I use the internet.

[ask-alaska-and-hawaii]

TV Tropes: Alaska

Acting Your Intellectual Age: He has the looks of a first-grader but the mind of a seasoned mountaineer and has no interest in connecting with children that look his age. However, this could just be because he has no interest in connecting with anyone outside his ‘pack’ after what happened last time.

Adorkable: Has his moments, such as when he’s gushing about dogs. He really loves dogs.

The Alcoholic: Being Alaska, Alaska has a love for the sauce, especially salmon vodka. This usually leads him to pass out by the end. 

Animal Motif: Dogs and wolves obviously. Specifically Alaskan Malamutes and Siberian Huskies for the former and Arctic Wolves for the latter.

Badass Bookworm: Loves to read but is a natural survivalist and gunslinger.

Berserk Button: For your safety, do not mention Russia or Texas within ten feet of him. Also, don’t call him small.

Big Brother Instinct: To Hawaii and by extension the other states if they are threatened as he does genuinely care about all of them even if they do think he’s rather odd.

Big Brother Mentor: Also to Hawaii by sharing his experiences to teach her that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. She, however, hasn’t taken on his nihilism and still believes in the best in people.

Big Eater: Given that he smokes marijuana, is a state, and is stress eater this is no big shocker.

Blue-and-Orange Morality: Being raised by wolves, Alaska has a mindset closer to animals than humans. For one Alaska, cares nothing for morality besides protecting his ‘pack’ (America and the other states) and judges things like disloyalty and irresponsibility far more harshly than someone being outright malicious. He also thinks that politicians need to start fighting to the death for their position. Literally. (This also could just be because he just hates politicians since they often lie to gain people’s favor)

Broken Bird: After so many years of tragedy and isolation, Alaska is understandably rather cynical.

Break the Cutie: See ‘Dark and Troubled Past’.

Brooding Boy, Gentle Girl: A platonic version but he is the brooding boy to Hawaii’s gentle girl. 

Brutal Honesty: Everyone agrees that Alaska is probably the most honest of the states, however, his honesty is usually extremely impolite to which he just says ‘I say the truth, it’s their fault if they can’t accept’.

Byronic Hero: Alaska is snarky, stoic, stubborn, excessively cynical but is passionate about his beliefs and has a soft spot for the environment and its creatures.

Celibate Hero: While not asexual, he has little interest in ever having sex and it’s not just because he looks six.

Color Motif: White and gray.

Comically Serious: He does not understand jokes so he will often take these at face value.  

Crazy-Prepared: Winter’s in his state are intense, so he leaves nothing to chance. 

Dark and Troubled Past: Imagine being locked into the form of a baby, abandoned by the people who were supposed to love and protect you, find a new family in wolves only for them to be killed leaving you to survive on your own while looking a like a toddler. When you finally found someone they also die leaving you to want to curl up and die and then be adopted again but seen as odd by your adopted siblings. Yeah, Alaska having depression and anxiety makes a lot of sense.

Deadpan Snarker: Usually this, especially when at states meeting or when he’s answering asks.

Defrosting Ice Queen: Alaska is not an easy person to get along with and can be extremely rude and sarcastic especially to ask blogs that star Texas, however, it is possible for him to warm up to some people outside his family like Dave (@alaska-ask-blog-aph) or at the very least learns the ability to bite his tongue.

Emotionless Boy: Most of the time, he is extremely stoic due to the fact that when he does express emotion, he can come off as rather intense.

Everyone Has Standards: He has a strange morality, however he is openly disgusted by ‘people’ who would rip away children’s innocence.

Foil: To Hawaii. They are both disconnected states and the child of a Native mother and Caucasian parent with trauma happening to them at very young ages which caused them to act the way they do, with Alaska being very stern and no-nonsense while Hawaii is energetic and enjoys making people smile.

Friendless Background: Because of his inability to relate to children his physical age and his autism causing him panic attacks whenever he is in close proximity to others, he has very few friends other than Hawaii. 

Friend to All Children: Zigzagged. He doesn’t connect with older children very well but he does have a soft spot for toddlers and babies and even makes an attempt to be openly kind to them. He also considers the worst people the ones who would purposefully steal their innocence and wouldn’t hesitate to pull his gun on such people.

Friend to All Living Things: Hey, I said humans, I never said anything about animals but yes he does love animals particularly dogs, wolves, and eagles.

Good is Not Nice: Not nice is an understatement. He has a strange moral code, is rather rude to new people, and mainly keeps to himself but if someone dares and tries to hurt his little sister or anyone in his family, they better start running.

Guilt Complex: Blames himself for what happened to his crush.

Hates Being Touched: The only one who he will willingly let touch him, much less hug him, is Hawaii. Other than not, hands-off.

Hates Their Parent: Openly refers to Russia as ‘a sperm donor’. And that’s when he’s being nice.

The Hermit: Lives like this whenever he’s at home in his state.  

Hidden Depths: 

Instead of hockey as one would think, he enjoys figure skating and is actually pretty good.

Not shown on the blog, yet but he actually enjoys the company of toddlers like Nunavut as they are far less complicated than people who are older.

He also enjoys writing and even creates stories in his free time. He also uses it along with his personal journal as a form of therapy for himself.

Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Brother/Sister version. Alaska is the huge guy to Hawaii’s tiny girl, especially once they’re older where he’ll be at 5′11 to 6′0 to Hawaii’s 5′3. Justified as Alaska is one-fifth the size of the lower 48 and is larger than Montana, California, Texas COMBINED.

Human Mom, Non-Human Dad: While his biological father is Russia, his mother was a normal Yup'ik woman named Uki.  

Hypocrite: Alaska calls Russia a ‘cruel, crazy manchild’  when he openly calls for the deaths of anyone who betrays their country. He also wants Hawaii to seek help when he resists any for him.

Hypocrite has a Point: To be fair, being lenient with traitors is a recipe for disaster for this country.

Ice Queen: He’s a rather cold and rude person but still a nice guy underneath.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Cynical, rude, stubborn are all words that would accurately describe him but also family-orientated, protective, and generous when he needs to be.

Knight in Sour Armor: He does see the world as a cold and dark and is a self-proclaimed misanthrope but still does his best to protect his family and people.

Meaningful Name: Alaska’s name Inuit name, ‘Nukilik’, means ‘strong’ and given everything, he’s gone through and still living to see today, no one can say he isn’t strong. As for his European name of ‘Peter’ meaning ‘stone’ and he is stone-faced and it’s also a nice reference to Peter the Great of Russia.

Mixed Ancestry: He’s half-Slavic, half-Inuit. 

Nature Lover: Growing up most of his life in the forests of Alaska, it makes sense the woods are where he’s most comfortable especially among the animals there. He is also disgusted by hunters who hunt merely for the game and not because they need it.

Not Good with People: Type 2. My beloved grumpy boy is unsurprisingly not good with people as he can’t understand their feelings or why he offended him. However, he is good at reading the feelings of animals and emphasizes more with them.

No Social Skills: Justified due to both his upbringing. He also is very indifferent to having them at the end of the day.

Older Than They Look: Being a state this a given. However where he differs, since he was born in 1800, he’s actually older than most states but since he was basically deserted by Russia he was never given the ability to grow.

Only Sane Man: Certainly sees himself as this among the other states as he feels that they play bloated, bureaucratic politics far too much instead of working together to help their father.

The Pessimist: Alaska physically can’t bring himself to hope in the best in people since all he’s seen was the worst in people since he was young when everyone he loved just ditched him or died. 

Raised by Wolves: Played completely straight. After his mother’s tribe abandoned him in the woods an Alpha She-Wolf who had just lost her pups adopted Alaska.

Socially Awkward Hero: Alaska can scale mountains, survive massive earthquakes, and survive on his own for years. However, the ability to interact with humans or even other anthropics is the hard part.

Strong Family Resemblance: Besides his dark skin, black hair, and eye shape, Alaska is basically a younger version of Russia. This has gotten him into quite a bit of trouble like when he was accused of being a communist during the McCarthy era due to his Russian heritage and Belarus has tried to kidnap him on more than one occasion.

Sugar-and-Ice Personality: In spite of cold, loner nature and dislike for society in general, Alaska at his core is a genuinely familial, protective person who just wants to take care of those he cares about. This is best showcased in his relationship with Hawaii, who might be the only person he openly gives affection to and he did go as Elsa twice just to make her happy even if it was embarrassing for him.

Trauma Conga Line: Abandoned, seen as a threat, had his pack murdered, only person he ended up caring about dying, and nearly froze to almost-death. All when he looked 2. Someone get this boy a therapists.

Used to Be a Sweet Kid: When he was young, Alaska was a sweet and gentle boy, even while living with his wolf pack. However, due to the many tragedies in his life, he has become extremely bitter and cynical towards the world.

When She Smiles: Has given a few in some comics and chats. He even admits that the main reason he loves Hawaii (as a sister) is that she is one of the few people who can make him give a genuine smile.

[sweet-or-sarcastic]

Changes

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded a fic. I’ve had this on my computer for over three months and I just had to get through it. This one is Post-Graduation and is a little bit on the mature side. Enjoy!

-------

The two villains...ex-villains...heroes... (what the heck were they now?!) laid side-by-side. However, unlike the years they spent together, bantering about a “foolproof” plan or a recent defeat, the world savers found themselves on a hotel bed. Their naked bodies were covered by flower petals and expensive sheets with singed ends. They laid there hair tousled, out of breath, and staring at a ceiling forever scared by plasma blasts.

They were, to put in frankly, flabbergasted by the event that just transpired.

In less than a week Drakken and Shego had gone from partners in crime to world-saving partners in bed.

Yeah..this was a weird sitch.

Neither knew who would speak up first, so they both started talking, continuing to stare at the ceiling.

“Wow”

“I can’t believe we....”

“I know” “Yeah…”

“That was…”

“Right?!”

“I never would’ve expected” “Such strength”

‘Such passion” “Dominance”

“Yet tenderness”

“Outta someone”

“Like…”

“You.” They finished at the same time

Drakken sat up on the bed hunched over letting the sheets fall, exposing his chest. Shego followed, having a strong grip onto the bedspread to cover her breasts. Shego didn't know why she was being so self-conscious. She’s known the Doc for years and it's not like she hasn't been in this situation before. She’s done this many times, some of them too drunk to remember. But she hadn’t been in this situation with someone she cared about, as hard as it was to admit.

Drakken could sense the tension in Shego, particularly in her shoulders.

Was she already regretting what happened?

Drakken could tell that Shego was out of it. He didn’t want to scare her off but he could feel her slipping away from him with every second.

“Maybe if I just..”

The scientist softly placed his hand on her back and rubbed her shoulder with his thumb. Shego could feel the stress in her body melt away as the doctor caressed her. She exhaled and let out a moan similar to the sounds she made just moments ago.

She turned to Drakken and the two stared at each other with matching expressions of confusion and bewilderment.

There were too many thoughts to bear, too many emotions passing through their bodies all at once.

What are we going to do now that we’re pardoned? Are we going to lose all our friends? Can things ever go back to the way they were? Am I going to lose you?

If there was anyone Drakken needed right now amidst all this craziness, it was Shego. If she left, especially now, he’d go off the deep end. No amount of money, fame, or respect from the world would change that.

Shego wasn’t sure what terrified her more; the fact that Drakken was now a respected scientist who didn't need her anymore or the fact that she was so scared of Drakken not needing her. She was so used to being needed, leaving others in the dust with her confidence skyrocketing. But now here she was, on the verge of tears, prepared to give up her dignity and beg her boss not to leave her.

The pair continued to stare at each other for moments on end. Drakken could feel himself about to break. He needed to touch something or someone. He placed a hand on Shego’s cheek; her body weakened, closing her eyes and letting out a hitched breath. Drakken rubbed his thumb along his assistant's cheek and swore on his mother’s life her skin was damp. Seeing her so vulnerable (for him of all people) made his stomach flip. He didn’t like seeing her like this. He felt like he was invading her privacy, exposed to a side of her that she didn't want the world to know existed. He had to do something. Quick.

With all to lose and even more to gain, Drakken brought Shego’s face to his, kissing her hard. Shego on instinct, placed her hands on his cheeks and roughly kissed him back. Drakken kept a hand on Shego’s cheek and moved the other to her hip, caressing the skin there with his thumb. Shego slid her hands down from Drakken’s face to his chest: firm, warm, and smooth.  The world savior groaned against her lips at the soothing feel of her hands on him. His mouth left hers and made its way down to her neck leaving a trail of kisses down her jaw. Shego let out a small moan and wrapped her arms around Drakken’s neck tight, never letting him go.

Their kisses were like the ones that they shared during sex: breathless, lustful, desperate. They touched each other like a couple reunited after the war; grasping at each other's bodies, hands roaming to feel everything, trying to remember and memorize each other. They had lost each other once already this week, separated by thousands of light years. Now, with all the opportunities and offers, they could lose each other again, separated by thousands of miles. And this time, it would be willingly...and that was terrifying.

Drakken moved his lips from Shego’s neck but kept his hands on her; placing both arms around her waist, pulling her in even closer. Shego put her hands on Drakken once more. She laid her head on his chest. Her ear was against his heart and she could hear its beat. Matching the rhythm of her breathing to his heart, Shego started to relax against the man and buried her head into him. Drakken ran his hand through Shego’s hair as he cradled her against his chest. Her hair was sicky with sweat yet smooth as his fingers moved through her curls effortlessly. Nudging at her head with his nose, Drakken brought Shego’s head up to meet his eyes. He’s never her seen her eyes so doe...so worried. It was then that Drakken finally realized that they were in the same boat. She was scared of him leaving.

He almost smiled knowing that the almighty Shego could be scared, because of him of all people. The realization made his heart both flutter and feel heavy. With her face still cupped in his hands, Drakken leaned down and softly kissed her forehead. He wanted her to know that he was here and would do whatever it took to stay. Much to his surprise, his affection was responded with giggles.

Oh great, now she’s laughing at me

“Dr.D that tickles!”

Drakken looked back down at Shego to see her eyes closed and nose scrunched up. By god, it was the cutest he’s ever seen her in the last five years. The mad scientist smirked as he thought of his most evil plan yet.

“Oh really?”

Shego immediately lost the battle of composure as she was attacked by peppering kisses of the enemy all over her head. She couldn’t contain herself much longer when he started to kiss her nose. That was her weak spot, causing her to chuckle in frustration.

“No Dr.D, stop! I can’t take it!”

Drakken released his prisoner from his affectionate offense, but not before leaving a long kiss on the center of Shego’s head, with Shego responding with a small groan in annoyance. He laid back to his original spot on the bed, raising his arms behind his head and staring at the ceiling.

“I can’t believe I just slept with my sidekick” the madman joked.

Shego scoffed at his comment, shaking her head in disbelief.

“So now he’s got jokes huh?”

It was now her turn to lay back down on the bed and get comfortable in the sheets. Shego turned on her side and softly placed her hand on Drakken’s chest, caressing his skin.

“Well, I can’t believe I just fucked my boss.”

On cue, Drakken moved his hands from the back of his head to cover his face from embarrassment as his cheeks blushed a deep blue from his partner’s vulgar language.

“God that woman and her mouth sometimes”

Shego chuckled at the man and his adorable antics. Even after aggressive, passionate sex, Drakken was still Dr.D, a grown man who inside was a sensitive flustered teenager. But, he was her Dr.D.

Drakken threw his arms back on his sides and grabbed the hand that was on his chest. He intertwined his fingers into Shego’s and turned his head to look at her. She stared back at him with a long smirk, testing his courage to see what he would do next.

“Well, Ms. Sidekick,” he began while bringing her hand to his lips to gingerly kiss, “would you believe it if we did it again?”

The woman genuinely smiled at the doctor, pleased that he didn’t back down. Shego roughly grabbed the back of Drakken’s neck and pulled him into a hard kiss. Drakken put his free hand below her jaw and kissed her back just as roughly. The couple found themselves in the rhythm of another romp, similar but more loving and more controlled than the last. 

Changes were coming, they both knew it. But, they were going to be okay. Because whether they were galaxies or miles apart, they always found their way back to each other. She’s come back because of jealousy and he’s come back because of pickles, so love was definitely not going to be a problem.

----------

Yayyy! It’s done, I’m so happy I finally finished this one. I swear it was staring at me on my computer. I tried to be a little angsty but ehh, I’m a sucker for fluff and cuddles! XD

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [final] | s.m. series

a/n: this is the end wow, what a ride. thanks for coming along. pls send me your feedback and consider buying me a ko-fi (link in bio) if you want to see more stuff <3

New Year’s Eve, a time for resolutions. My life was a mess, but I could clean my room.

It was somewhere around hour two when my dad came in.

“Hey, let’s go for a drive.” He asked me.

Dad took me to the diner down the road. The diner was stuck in the past, but in that way that made people gravitate to it in search of simpler, happier times.

“Oh, here’s a song your mom loved,” my dad said as we sat down at a booth in the corner. “You know she’d go over to that jukebox and play this song. And then when it was over, she’d play it again. And again. And she wouldn’t just sit here and listen to the song with me, she’d get up and dance in the aisles. All while people were eating.” He pulled out his wallet, revealing a picture of my mom. “I used to think it was so embarrassing, but now I look back and think of how stupid I was. I should have been dancing with her.”

I looked down at the picture he’d handed me, seeing my mom look so happy, dancing her heart out. I smiled, “That sounds fun.”

“There are so many things I should have told you and your sisters about her, but I haven’t.”

“That’s okay, dad.” I whispered to him, knowing how hard it can be to willingly remember her.

“No, it’s not.” He sighed, “I’ve relied on you and Ari too much. I know that, especially when it comes to Sof. You’re seventeen. You don’t have to be an adult yet. You shouldn’t be an adult yet. That’s why I was so happy when I saw you and Shawn.”

“I don’t want to talk about Shawn, please.” I said shaking my head.

“Shawn who?” My dad quipped.

“Really?” I said completely unimpressed.

“Look, I don’t know what happened between the two of you. But I saw how you were with him, how you opened up around him. Not to us, you’ve always been open with us. But to the world. Honey, you were so happy. Seeing you light up, experience the world, you reminded me of her,” He motioned towards the picture I was holding. “I don’t want you to close yourself off to that part of you.”

“Dad,” I mumbled, feeling tears well up in my eyes, “I really miss her.”

“I know you do.”

__

It was first day back at school since winter break, and the hot tub escapade.

“I didn’t hear anything about it,” Lucas said to me as we walked towards my longer.

“No, the debate team scandal definitely knocked it out of the top spot,” Chris laughed.

“Well that’s good news?” I asked hopefully. “Officially back to being invisible.”

Lucas, looking forward, was the first to see the crowd. The crowd that was gathered suspiciously close to my locker. Pushing through the group of people, towards my locker, I finally saw what everyone was whispering about. A picture of me and Shawn kissing was taped to the locker, with black writing underneath saying, “It’s always the one’s you least expect.” It reeked of Gen’s doing, but let’s be honest, that meant nothing now. The damage had already been done, when the video was leaked.

Chris ripped the picture down, just as I pushed my way back out of the crowd, rushing down the hall, hearing Chris call after me.

“Woah, hey, what’s going on?” I hear Shawn from in front of me.

I look up, sure that my expression is tumultuous, confusion and anger all coming together in one odd, unknowable emotion. “You’re just going to let everyone believe that we had sex in the hot tub?” I screamed at him. “When you know that nothing happened? I’m sure you’re glad that video leaked.” I stalked away from him, not wanting to ever see Shawn Mendes again.

“Are you going to do something about this?” I hear Chris behind me, being the best friend that she always has been.

“Listen up, everyone!” I hear Shawn yell at the top of his lungs, getting everyone’s attention. I turn, stopping to listen to what he might have to say about this. “Not that it’s anyone’s business, but nothing happened in the hot tub. So if I hear any of you talking about Y/N or that video, I’ll personally be kicking all of your asses. You understand?” He turned towards me.

“Listen, I’m so sorry about everything, okay.” Shawn said, running in front of me to stop me from walking away. “Look, if I knew who did this I would--”

“Well, I know who did it.” I said. “So should you.”

“Okay, okay.” Shawn whispered, “Let me just talk to her, okay?”

“No,” I responded. “This is my fight. She’s not doing this because of you Shawn. It’s because she hates me. I have to handle this myself.”

__

Going up to Gen would normally terrify me. I used to be so scared of standing up to Gen, despite the horrible way she treated me and everyone else around her. But there was something that had happened to me over the last three months. Maybe it had something to do with opening up to the world, like my dad had mentioned. But I wasn’t scared of Gen anymore. I was finally realizing that Gen was just as sad and pathetic as I’d been when I was scared of her. She was insecure, just like every other high school girl, no matter how much she tried to convince other people she wasn’t.

“I know you posted that video,” I said as I marched up to her in the bathroom.

“Um, nope that wasn’t me,” She said.

I scoffed, “Please Gen. It’s bad enough that a guy would do this, but that a girl is doing? That’s fucking despicable. Girls shouldn’t be tearing down other girls!”

Gen walked away to dry her hands, “Well, like I said. I didn’t post it. But you know,” She turned to look at me. “I’m glad someone did. Because now everyone will know who you really are.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Shawn, he’s not as confident as he pretends to be. I am not as tough as I pretend to be. But you, Y/N Y/L/N, you are not as innocent as you pretend to be. Because you kissed the boy that I liked!”

“You guys are broken up!” I shouted at her.

“No, not now. Before, before we ever even dated, you kissed him.”

“That was seventh grade! You’ve got to be kidding me!?”

“You know that I liked him, and you kissed him anyway!”

“It was spin the bottle you fucking psycho! And it was tongueless”

“Okay, well it wasn’t tongueless to me!” Gen shouted back before turning around and storming out of the bathroom, leaving me alone.

I always thought no one was paying attention to what I was doing, that the only drama in my life was in my head, but it turns out, I wasn’t as invisible as I thought.

__

“I feel like I owe you an explanation,” I told Josh from my spot on the sofa.

Josh just smiled at me.

“See, all of these letters I wrote, they were based off this feeling. Just like a fun little spark, that I wanted to explore in my mind. But my letter to you, it was based off actually knowing you. You were the first boy that I ever really liked. And I didn’t really realize how I felt about you until after you and Ari had started. But over time,” I shrugged, “That feeling just faded away, and I missed my best friend. The best friend I had before you and Ari. And it wasn’t love, I was just jealous of the time she got with you because it felt like she had stolen something from me.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that earlier?” Josh asked quietly.

“Well, I just...I didn’t really realize until Shawn.”

Josh sighed. “Right, Shawn.”

“It was real in a different way, and I’m really sorry.”

Josh looked over at me with these sad eyes, “There’s no reason to be sorry. I know where you’re coming from.”

“Did you stop loving Ari, after she broke up with you?” I wondered.

“Well, not right away. At some point it changed though,” Josh scratched at his arm, “But the longer she was away, the more I realized why she did what she did. Do you feel the same way about Shawn?”

“I know you don’t like him…” I said, not sure if Josh actually wanted to talk about this or just wanted to be polite.

“Well, I liked the way he stood up for you today,” Josh admitted. “He should have done it sooner, but I’m still glad he did it.” Josh looked at me, “Look, if you miss him. Just tell him.”

“No, I can’t,” I stuttered.

“Why not?”

I choked, not wanting to admit the reasons. But under Josh’s gaze, I didn’t have much of a choice. “Well, if it wasn’t real, then I didn’t lose anything. But if I admit that it was real, and he still doesn’t want me, then…”

“Then at least you’ll know,” Josh said kindly. “Look, Y/N you can’t sit up in your room your whole life, writing love letters that you’ll never send out. You have to tell people how you feel, when you feel it. Shawn wouldn’t even be in your life if the letter hadn’t gotten out in the first place.”

“You’re right.”

“You can’t exist in fantasy forever,” Josh whispered.

“I’m just tired of writing love letters, Josh. It would be nice to be receiving them instead.”

“Y/N,” I heard Sof say, slowly walking up to me. She was holding the blue box I had once hidden my love letters in. “I have something I think you should see. Please don’t kill me,” Sof laughed lightly, “But you were always throwing these away, and...I thought you’d want to see them one day.”

I opened the box, looking up at Sof carefully, not sure what to expect. But in the box, I saw bits of paper that I recognized instantly as Shawn’s lyrics for me. I’d never read them because I knew they hadn’t been for me. Or well, I thought they hadn’t been for me. They were just for show after all, to make Gen jealous.

Each note was addressed to me, with a heart after my name in Shawn’s scribbly handwriting. I began to read them aloud.

I get a little bit nervous around you. Get a little bit stressed out, when I think about you.

Baby, anytime you’re ready. I’m waiting.

What if my daddy’s write when he says that you’re the one?

Every single night my arms are not around you, my mind’s still wrapped around you.

And if I have to, I’ll wait forever. Say the word and I’ll change my plans. Yeah, you know that we fit together. I know your heart like the back of my hand.

I’m so sorry, we’re still stuck in the middle.

Can I kiss you or not? Cus I’m not really sure right now of what you want.

Take my hand, we’ll be fine.

Maybe I should stop, and start confessing.

And I’m not trying to ruin your happiness, but darling don’t you know that I’m the only one for ya?

“Still think you haven’t gotten a love letter?” Josh asked.

__

After Josh had left, I began to strategize with Sofia to determine the plan of action. How were we going to get Shawn back. We’d spent some time trying to write a song, thinking it would be a cute way to reconcile, to sing a song to a songwriter. Sofia had even retrieve an old out of tune guitar from their dads room. But it turns out, that while Shawn may be stellar at song writing, Sofia and I were certainly not.

“Maybe, let’s just go back to the start,” Sofia suggested. “Write him a letter?”

I shrugged, “Maybe, but don’t you think that’s a little impersonal?”

The doorbell rang before Sofia could respond. Leaving the mess of notes and Sofia on the floor, I stood to answer the door.

Shawn stood, with his hands behind his back.

“Okay, before you slam the door in my face or tell me to go home, please just let me explain everything.”

I smiled at Shawn, who looked a little shocked when I invited him inside rather than kicking him to the curb.

“Okay, first off,” Shawn brought his hands in front of him revealing a drink and flowers. “A horchata, and flowers, because I want you to know I’m being completely serious right now.”

I smiled up at him, thanking him for the items.

“What’s all of this?” Shawn asked as he came to see the mess Sofia sat amongst.

“Oh, nothing,” I rushed at the same time that Sofia said, “Y/N is just trying to figure out how to win back your affections.”

I shot a glare at Sofia, “Go away.” I gritted, turning to see Shawn smiling shyly at me.

“It’s okay,” Shawn murmured, “I’ve been doing the same thing.”

I sat on the couch, allowing Shawn to follow suit. “Listen, Y/N, the only reason I went to see Gen that night was because I went to tell her that we were over. Like completely done because I only wanted to be with you.”

“Really?” I asked suspiciously.

“Really,” Shawn smiled. “Y/N, I am so in love with you there could never be anyone else.” Shawn said sincerely.

“You’re what?” I squeaked.

“I’m in love with you.”

“I wanted to tell you that I liked you, in a not fake way,” I said quietly, looking at Shawn’s feet. “I’m in love with you too,” I looked up at him. “But I’m so scared.”

Shawn shuffled towards me on the couch, his hand coming to rest on my neck. “I”m scared too.” He shrugged. “But we’ll make it.” Shawn leaned in to brush his lips lightly against mine before he seemingly got distracted.

“Who plays the guitar?” He asked pointing to the guitar on the floor.

I laughed, “Um no one.” I ran a hand through my hair, as Shawn eyed me quizzically. “Sofia and I might have been trying to write a song for me to sing to you.”

Shawn laughed, “Really?”

I nodded shyly.

“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard, but…” Shawn reached for the guitar, cringing at the out of tune sounds it was making. “Maybe I can be the one to sing a song to you.”

I smiled at him, as he mindlessly tuned the guitar for a couple of minutes before a soft, beautiful hum came from the guitar.

Shawn began plucking out a smooth melody, “Don’t cry or do, whatever makes you comfortable. I’m tired too, there’s nothing left to say, let’s call a truce.” Shawn crooned the words to me, his expression telling me everything I needed to know about how he felt.

“I’m so sorry,” Shawn sang, “That we’re still stuck in the middle.” Instantly, I recognized the song as lyrics from a not Shawn had previously given to me. Hearing the words in song, was somehow so much better.

“Can I kiss you or not,” Shawn smiled, laughing a little, “Cus I’m not really sure right now of what you want. Are you still mad at me? I’m hoping not.” I smiled at him, leaning closer to him, wanting to breathe in every part of this experience that I could. That’s what my dad had said right? Don’t close myself off to moments like this.

“Tell me what’s inside your head, no matter what you say, I won’t love you less. And I’d be lying if I said I do.”

Shawn ended the song and placed the guitar at his side, “So,” he smiled. “Are you still mad at me?”

I shook my head, laughing, “God no.” I crawled into his lap kissing him quickly. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I couldn’t possibly stay mad, even if you deserved it.”

“I need to thank Sofia for sending me that letter,” Shawn smiled as he leaned in to kiss me again.

tagged: @peacedolantwins2 @rosecth @honestlygarbage @quirkymermaid (since its finished lol) @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @mcufangirlqueen @my-sweet-escape-from-the-world

[littlebitoffanfic]

Mine

Fandom: The Hills Have Eyes Character: Lizard Relationship: Lizard/reader Request: “you almost had me fool. Almost.” and/or "But you were mine" - The Hills Have Eyes (character up to you!) You shove the last of your clothes into your bag as you sniff back tears. the house was empty ever since Lizard had stormed out hours ago. Most of the rooms were in darkness apart from your bedroom which looked like a bomb had hit it. You looked around, searching for any last piece of clothing or your things you might have missed, but once you were satisfied, you picked up one of the backpacks and swung it over your back. Carrying the second in your hand, you turned off the light and went downstairs and out the back door. It was late and dark. You felt guilty leaving without saying goodbye to the others, but you hoped your note would be enough closure for them. Plus, you weren’t sure if you even could leave. you were kept for Lizard. You knew that from the start. Whatever warped life you had lived that lead you to falling helplessly in love with the man, you didn’t really understand. But there you were. You would have done anything for him. In fact, you had. You had killed, mutilated, committed cannibalism and so much more just to make him happy with you. and he always had been. You were his prize, his pet to keep safe and somewhat happy. You thought he loved you. at least in some regard. You were sure of it. At the start, it was more physical than anything else. He completely rocked your world, introducing you to a sex life you didn’t even know existed. But over time, things became a lot more intimate and loving. Sometimes, he would be soft and gentle while other times he would pull your hair and bite you. And you loved every moment of it. Gradually, he started spending more time with you. he gravitated away from his family and towards you, spending his evenings in your company. He started asking about you, wondering where you came from. And he listened properly. no like some guys who just say ‘yeah’ but never really take in the information. No, he would listen and respond. One time, you had mentioned how much you liked flowers and the next day you found some of the small flowers that grew on the bushes near the gas station on your bed. One time you had told him about how you always liked bracelets and the next day, there were at least 25 or even 30 bracelets on the kitchen table. You didn’t think where they came from, but you chose your favourite and when Lizard came back, you threw yourself into his arms. Yes, he could be angry and cruel at times, but barely with you. he snapped if he was tiered or hurt and he would manhandle you if something was seriously wrong. Once, someone had escaped and Lizard and dragged you to the bedroom, locking you inside to keep you safe. At first, you had been scared, but then you heard a fight break out down stairs and you realised Lizard had know the man was in the house. You really did love him. But after this fight, you couldn’t stay. Not knowing what he had said. It had all started because you mentioned that you’d like to maybe have a look around outside the village. Maybe go to the gas station. Lizard had said no. but things escalated when you tried to persuade him. That was when you realised. He didn’t trust you. But things only got worse. You tried to tell him he could trust you, that you would never run becuase you loved him and as long as he loved you, that was all that mattered. But he was angry. And Lizard was quick to snap. “I don’t love yah.” He had snarled at you. instantly, he had seen the effect his words had had on you. your whole body slouched as your eyes watered. Lizard was quick to leave before he could see you cry. He never liked it when you cried. You felt dirty and used. Sure, some part of you told you that he had just said it out of anger, but another voice was louder in its opinion. He didn’t love you, he didn’t trust you, you were just the first one that came along. And now, you were sneaking out of the house. You knew where the family kept the car which they used to get back and forth quickly. You could hotwire it and take it up to the gas station where you’d be able to take another vehicle and get away. Becuase you couldn’t stay. Not anymore. “What are you doing!?” A voice hissed and you were pulled to the side, slammed against the rocks surrounding the area. Lizard voice had made you jump because you didn’t expect him to see you. Goggle or Ruby, yes, but not Lizard. “Im going.” You hiss back. “You think yah can just up and leave?” Lizard growled back, a small huff of laughter leaving his lips as he said the words. “I don’t know.” You looked away from him becuase even you knew that was a lie. You weren’t allowed to leave, ever. “Go back to the house.” Lizard voice was low and threatening but you shook your head, managing to wriggle out of his grap which was surprisingly easy. You had seen him pin down men twice his side, you should have been no problem. But then again, he had never had to hold you down. No, you had always came with him willingly with your hand in his own. “Why do yah want to leave all a’ sudden?” Lizard calls after you as he darts after you. he grabbed your wrist. “Why should I stay?” you twist around, countering his question. “Because yer mine.” He growled and you almost fell back into his arm. Almost. You turned to look at him, your eyes tearing up. “I might have believed that. that you might love me and want me to stay because of that. You almost had me fooled. Almost.” You breathed and Lizards hand dropped your wrist. He flinched at your tears. you took the moment to back away from him as he glared at the ground. You could see how tense his jaw was as he looked back up at you but didn’t come after you. You climbed into the car and quickly hotwired it. The car burst to life and you were sure a hand was going to throw open the door, grab you and rip you out the car. But it never did. You pulled away, looking in the rear-view mirror, you saw Lizard watching after you. he took a few steps into the centre and stared after the car until you could no longer make out him in the darkness. ----------time skip ------------ You didn’t know what brought you back to this place. It was close to 5 years since you had left and yet, you never wanted to be anywhere else but back in the village. After your life with Lizard, the whole world seemed so boring and dull. You’d never met anyone quite like him before. He enchanted you, bewitched you and you never really fought it. Even after you had left, he confused you. Why had he let you leave? He was sure to get in a lot of trouble with the family since you might run and tell the police about them. But you didn’t and you were sure he knew you wouldn’t anyway. Part of you thought he really had meant what he said in the argument, that he truly didn’t love you and saw you as nothing more than a fuck buddy. but he could have just killed you. You had seen him do it to loads of people before. He didn’t care about blood on his hands. So why let you run? Why not just kill you? Getting out of the car, you look up at the gas station. It was deserted. When you had ran through, there had been an older man here who had double looked at you but done nothing to stop you. He seemed to no longer be here. pushing the door, you were surprised to see it was left open. Stepping inside, you were thankful that the building was a little cooler than outside. There were bottles of water in a fridge which you were quick to retrieve and check the date. When you realised it still had a year or so left, you opened it and took a drink. Then you heard movement behind you. You glance in the fridge, able to see a slight reflection in the glass which revealed a male figure. One you had only dreamed about for the best part of 5 years. You twisted around, meeting the gaze of the man who stood behind you. he was staring at you like you were a ghost of some sort. He blinked, hard, but nothing changed. It seemed the years hadn’t been as kind to Lizard as they had been to you. he now sported several new scares and his skin showed the wear of the constant sun. But his eyes were as blue as ever. “[y/n]?” he breathed your name, taking a hesitant step forward. “Hi Lizard.” You gave him a small smile because, even though you didn’t want to see him, you were still happy. “but, but you left.” He breathed, frowning deeply as he stared at you. “yeah..” you trail off, looking away from him in embarrassment because it might have been one of the worse decisions you’d ever made. “Why’d yah leave?” His voice showed anger but his eyes were screaming sadness as he stared at you. “I thought I didn’t want me. That you really didn’t love me. You didn’t trust me and I thought I was just like one of the outsiders to you. I thought you would have found someone else.” You look to him, expecting him to nod and confirm he had another mate. But he shook his head, dropping his eyes to the ground. “Never found anyone after you. didn’t look. Just hoped you would come back.” Lizards feature showed a slight distress before he looked back to you. “Why?” you breathed. He could easily have found another female, especially within 5 years. “Cause you were mine.” Lizards eyes meet your own, and you knew there was only one thing you could say in return. “I still am.” You breath. The broke Lizard. He darted to you, his arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled against his body. His lips collided with you in a desperate and needy kiss. One which made your whole world spin uncontrollably as he kissed you with such fire and passion. you placed your hands on his shoulders, near the base of his neck and slipping your fingers under the material that covered his torso. He shivers at your touch, and you could see a few more scares across his skin but he didn’t seem to care. He pushed you back against the fridges, his hands traveling down your sides towards your ass before he picked you up. You quickly wrapped your legs around him, allowing him to grind against you. You pulled back for air, but Lizard couldn’t bare to be parted from you and proceeded to kiss down your neck. “That’s a hell of a hello.” You were panting slightly, and you were sure your cheeks were a dark pink. “Shouldn’t have let you leave that day.” He breathed against your skin. “Should never have got angry with yah.” He didn’t sound like he was talking to you directly, but more like he was scolding himself. “Stay?” He meant to make it sound like a demand, like he was in control of this situation. But the truth was, he wasn’t. he was begging you. The way he clung to you, the way he had kissed you and the way his eyes met yours with a deep burning for you told you so. “I’m yours, aren’t I?” you smile, leaning your forehead against his own in an intimate gesture. “Mine.” He agrees.

[aspiratinganxiety]

Christmas Dinner Part II

The much awaited final chapter of the Christmas dinner prompt! This is pure fluff with a delectable finish, if I do say so myself. The first part of this fic can be found here.  

I am so sorry that I had to repeatedly bump back the post date for this piece. You guys were so excited for it, and I swear that I got it to you as soon as I could. I’ve had a couple of weeks with a new job and some stuff that needed to get done around the house for the change in season. 

As always, I am grateful for your patience, and I would love to know what you think of my work!

(Side note: If you want to be added to a taglist, let me know. I don’t really have one yet, only a small one for Part II of the Ballerina/Dick fic. Not really sure if anyone is interested. Drop me an ask or message me if you’d like to be tagged in my work, and please specify if there are certain triggers that you’d like not to be tagged in.)

"Just make sure to act... ya’ know.... natural. Like we willingly spend time with one another romantically. Also please, please do not take Jason’s bait. He’s always an especially bitter pill during these parties. I don’t know why. It’s just like, one of his things. One of his many things. Oh! And remember-”

“Christ on a bicycle, Tim!” you interrupt him, patience completely evaporated. “I know how to be a girlfriend. I’ve been in more relationships for an amount of time that totals longer than your go with Stephanie. I know all the weird quirks with your family, even Jason. I understand what jokes not to make. All of my major etiquette lessons were from Alfred himself, and I don’t drink. Won’t make a habit of it in front of Bruce as an underage date to the only son functioning as a public figure for Wayne Enterprises. I get it. I know. Chill the fuck out and get off my back, or I’m going to punch you in your bird throat.” 

Usually, you do not threaten violence to anyone, especially people as kindhearted as Tim. Jesus God though, 45 minutes of his frantic dictation about your expected behaviors and you’re ready to strip off your bribery gown, roll out of the moving car buck-ass naked, and hoof it back to your apartment in the snow.

You have enough anxiety of your own, poured into a buh-jillion dollar dress that was made to push your boobs up to your chin and mold your butt into some kind of evergreen-colored peach. You can barely walk in your shoes, you’re wearing jewelry that cost more than your education, you are terrified that Damian might mistake your fake fur for the real thing and try to murder you on the spot, and the flower crown braided to your head is made of poky pine twigs, baby pine cones, and glittery sugared berries that are all working together to make your scalp itch worse than the week and a half you spent fighting a colony of lice in the fourth grade.

Fucking Lacey Whitaker and her four-feet of infested hair...  

In short, you want to die and you haven’t even tried to lie to Batman yet. 

“Wow.” Tim blinks, mouth scrunched into an unimpressed line. 

You sigh, hanging your head. “Tim, I am not going to punch you. That would be unkind and, frankly, a stupid move on my part.” You shake your head. “Not a fight I can win.” 

“I’m honestly less offended by the punching and more hung up on the bird throat comment.”

You cut your eyes at him, incredulous. “Yeah, well, that scarf isn’t exactly doing you favors.” 

He balks, jaw falling open. “Okay, first: you must be going blind. Francisco hand delivered all of the accent notes for my attire, including this scarf, so that I would match your dress. The one that you picked. The one that is on your body this very minute, if you would recall. The botanical embroidery is even consistent. So, yeah.” He motions to the fitted portion of the gown that can be seen hugging your thighs below the hem of your fluffy false fur coat. “Second observation: you are hella’ mean when you have The Anxiety, and I did not intend to fan that flame.” 

“Well, you’re hella’ bossy when you get nervous. Not a great combination to be crammed in a sports car together.”

“Noted,” he says, pulling the scarf looser.

The rest of the drive is somewhat tense as you both deeply question your life choices and rehearse the practiced cover story about first dates and whatnot. The sidewalk that leads to the main entrance of Wayne Manor is mercifully devoid of ice, having been flawlessly scraped and salted ahead of time. Alfred greets the two of you with a broad smile and ushers you into the bright, impeccably decorated foyer. 

“Happy Christmas,” he says, looking down at you in his warm, if distant, way. “Aren’t you a sight, Miss?” 

You acknowledge the compliment as Alfred hangs Tim’s coat and scarf, ducking your head in an awkward cross between a nod and a bow, frantically trying to peel the fur coat away from you before Damian gets a look at it. 

It is then that Tim sees the bodice of your dress for the first time. He stares, too struck by the full effect of the incredibly intricate, fitted garment to be ashamed that he is staring. The gown envelops you tightly from your bust to just below your hips, flowing seamlessly into rounded pool of silken fabric at the floor. Delicate lacework that echos the embroidery running throughout the piece act as wide, gossamer straps that tip over your shoulders and dive into what the cut of the dress would indicate to be a deep hemline baring a good portion of your back. With the high notes of red in your wreath, on your shoes, and staining your pretty, pretty lips, it’s hard for Tim to decide if the incredibly flattering silhouette created by your gown is more provocative than the contrasting, complimentary colors of forest green and holly-berry red that work to draw eyes up and down your body, then back up again... and down.... and up.

It is Alfred’s voice, chastising him, that breaks Tim out of his awed silence. “Take her coat and put your tongue back in your mouth immediately, Master Timothy.”

“Right!” he says, closing his eyes with a nod and stepping toward you. And again quietly, he almost sighs, “Right.” 

You hand him the fur, somewhat confused. Meeting his eye, you attempt to convey a look that asks whether or not he’s begun acting. After all, it’s only Alfred, and you both knew that there was zero hope of convincing the brilliant Englishman from the get. Tim was relying on the gentleman’s steadfast discretion to allow him this Christmas of peace from his brothers. 

Your initial reaction to Tim’s obvious admiration isn’t playful banter or a controlled taunt, as rehearsed. Rather, you are overwhelmingly flattered and suddenly battling an absolute tidal wave of uncharacteristic bashfulness. Heat burns in your cheeks from more than the rush of blood brought up by the warm house as you pass off your coat. Tim seems genuinely embarrassed too, as he avoids touching your hands and keeps his body far from you, using the full length of an outstretched arm to snag the outerwear. The left side of his face is crumpled in an apologetic wince, and the expression cuts clean through you. The bubble of your sheer delight implodes into a million little radiant drops as you try to decide whether or not the wince means he regrets having found you an attractive sight. 

That is not how boyfriends who enjoy your dress behave. Tim’s presenting a friend reaction, a friend who is afraid of having objectified or offended you. You steel yourself against the rush of anxiety that previously dimmed your flattered reaction and accept that you are gonna’ have to hem this tattered patchwork of a plan all by your lonesome if it’s going to be believable.

The Red Robin’s body language indicates that he’s all but thrown in the towel here at the door. 

And so, you take a deep breath, unfolding the neat, tidy little booklet of repressed feelings that you’ve been harboring in the pockets of your heart since you were 15, and you let yourself smile at him.

Really smile. The way you do when his back is turned. When his woefully dedicated or unimaginably funny words are in text. When you know it’s safe and no one will see the way that you smile for Tim.  

Your lips curve up a bit wry, teasing but encouraging. Teeth flash, a porcelain sign advertising your giddy joy and the silly sense of eagerness you allow yourself to feel, all-too-easily engaging the fantasy that this is a real date. Your shoulders half-shrug, and you catch the perfectly manicured nail of your ring finger between the knuckles of the opposite third and fourth fingers, running the corner of your thumbnail beneath it. The gesture is a nervous, fiddling one that communicates that damnably predominant shyness creeping up again.

You keep his eyes too, pegging him with an expression that communicates all of the softness and the intensity that you’ve been fighting to hide for so long. 

Tim goes stone still, like he’s been struck by lightening and his brain decided to exist stage left for intermission. He stares at you, staring at him like he’s answered some kind of prayer by grabbing your coat. 

For a brief, breathless moment, he feels like Gods must.

He’s dizzy with the sensation. It echos from his temples through his skull, then all the way down to every toe. A reverberation of unmitigated glory as delivered by the expression of someone he loves.

Nobody has ever looked at him that way. 

Not even right after he saves their life.

“Heavens,” Alfred mumbles behind him, a shared note of awe in his voice. 

Tim jerks, having completely forgotten where he was, why he’d be there, or that other humans who weren’t you existed at all.

The older gentleman relieves Tim of the coat, casting a prideful, knowing look over the much younger man. “I’ll just take that. Everyone is socializing in the parlor. Go on to the party, and I will call when the dinner preparations are in order.”

Tim, grateful that Alfred habitually motioned both of you toward the heavy mahogany doors that lead into the front sitting room, realizes that he somehow lost all memory of the manor’s blueprint. He also cannot recall the name of Damian’s dog.

“Well,” you say, waiting until Alfred bustles away before leaning toward him with a much more contained smile. You nod toward the parlor, a curl falling from its place pinned to your crown. 

“Uh,” Tim delays, closing his eyes and giving his head a quick shake. He dares to step closer to you and carefully brushes at the strand of loose hair. “Actually, do you think it would be okay if... um.... well, I was wondering if you’d like the plan being that this-” he motions between the two of you. “This was less for pretend and more for real?”

He speaks so quietly that you are straining to hear him. Beyond that, what you can make out of his words seem to imply a notion that has your heart hammering so hard that it isn’t leaving any room for your lungs to expand.

You get closer and whisper more distinctly. “More real how?”

“Like, real real.”

“You are not helping me understand, Tim,” you hiss, feeling rather vulnerable and unsure.

He grins haltingly, schooling his features into a gentler expression before balancing your chin on his thumb and forefinger. Tim tilts your face up, sure to keep gauging your reaction to his approach with inquisitive looks and plenty of pauses. Your eyes flutter shut after the tip of his nose presses into yours playfully, and he angles his head to brush past the bridge of your own nose and nuzzle into your cheek. 

Time stops again when you’re on the very cusp of kissing, lips together in a tickling brush with warm puffs of breath mingling between you. “Is this okay?” he asks, the press of his mouth to yours causing you to silently mirror the formation of his words. 

“Uh-huh,” you answer a susurrant hum, eyes still closed and oh so excited for a proper kiss.

“Ah, crap.” Jason’s voice booming out of the parlor behind you has both you and Tim jumping out of your skins. “That’s 60 bucks to Selina, guys! Turns out Timbo and Bo-peep are an item after all. They’re kissin’ in the foyer like animals! Catwoman takes the pot.”                                 

[atopearth]

Shall we Date? Wizardess Heart Part 15 - Mel Glover Route

How rude of Mel to just steal her apple and eat it!! I’d be so angry! Well, what a great first day for the heroine; she gets lost in the forest because she heard the voice of the tree, meets Mel, gets scolded by Leslie and then Sigurd comes to pick her up with Smokey, his flying magical beast! Now she doesn’t even need to walk back lmao.

Wow, what an honour for the heroine to be his buddy. Mel is so amazing to author textbooks, travel the world and be so knowledgeable about magical trees and plants etc. Lmao at their awkward interactions. Kate looks cool! Legit can’t believe the heroine is older than Mel, he looks so much older lmao. Loll at Mel’s eyes sparkling when he started thinking that the reason they lit up as buddies was to balance her childishness with his maturity haha and other theories. Awww his first impression of her was cute and interesting! I’m so surprised hahaha. Omg, it was so unexpected when Mel actually reacted with emotion and kindness when she said that he should sleep better otherwise his body will always be tired, and that she cares about him because they’re buddies, then he thanked her saying it was nice that someone was looking out for him! That’s actually really cute! I guess he’s always used to being alone so this made him realise that the feeling of someone caring about you is pretty nice.

Omg, honestly didn’t expect him to kiss her already lol. And to be when they were hiding under the podium too lol, so random. Not sure whether to feel happy or insulted that he kissed her because he felt that her heart beating really fast had influenced his heart to be the same, and that made him feel like kissing her lol. That’s wonderful, Mel🤨 It’s kinda funny how mature Mel can be but also how childish he can be at other times. It was nice of Mel to personally craft a new wand for the heroine since her one broke. I’m surprised the heroine so willingly gave the wand back to the magical tree and restore it when the wand was given to her by her parents. Guess it’s better to thank the wand and let it be useful to the tree than to keep it as just a memento.

Not sure why Mel doesn’t want to be her buddy anymore but he made her cry! That’s no good, Mel! Amelia is like the best friend ever btw. She lets the heroine cry her heart out, take her around the city to cheer her up, give advice and tell her that giving up so fast on Mel isn’t something she’d do and during all this, she somehow found the address of Mel’s master so the heroine could go visit and see what’s going on!? Dude, where can you get a great friend like this? She’s logical and understanding, I love her. I was just about to call Mel childish for running away after seeing the heroine, and then I remembered that he’s younger than her lol. But yeah, it was really cool and funny when she used the magic that he taught her to restrict his movements for a moment so she could catch up to him, she’s smart and capable haha! Only when she’s chasing boyfriends hahaha.

I always find it so adorable when a guy holds the girl’s hand and puts it in his pocket to keep their hands warm. Like, I’m not sure how big those pockets they have are since my clothes barely have any pockets, nevertheless, it’s so sweet and cute. Mel’s words can be blunt and hurt the heroine’s feelings but I think his self awareness towards this and apologising for it is very considerate. I’m glad he finally realised that the feelings he has towards the heroine is love. Took him a while but it was cute how their relationship progressed so I’m happy. It’s so cute how Mel says he’s a kid only when it’s convenient to him hahaha. I always forget that he’s younger though considering how mature he is most of the time. It was so adorable when they both didn’t want to leave each other, omggg. So corny but cute lmao.

For this season/arc, it’s a hard choice but I think I’ll have to choose Sigurd for the best route this time. Mel is a really close second though! And Leslie is a far off third lmao. Honestly, I think in terms of the story and progression, Sigurd’s route wins hands down, but in terms of romance, Mel’s was much cuter, sweeter and it progressed at a good pace. As for Leslie’s route, it just lacked in both areas and I don’t like Chica hahaha. Mel’s right though, they’ve kissed already and they’ll eventually be doing things that are even more embarrassing than him piggy backing her, so really she should just let him carry her since her ankle is like that loll. He’s so honest with his feelings and thoughts after he confessed lolll, the heroine is going to die from embarrassment🤣

I’m not sure why Mel is hiding things but I really wonder whether shooting an arrow with the Bow will really cure the magical tree that’s wilting? Kate seems kindaaa suspicious. And she is! She’s a bit frightening tbh… Was she jealous of Mel all this time? The preview for the next chapter was kinda sad though, Randy said Kate seemed like an evil person whereas Azusa said that from his perspective, she just seemed like someone overwhelmed with sadness, it made me think of Azusa himself and I guess he can really relate to that. I guess Mel wanted to protect Kate and bring her back to their side but it didn’t work.. I wonder why Kate is doing all this since she has the power to go through parallel worlds transcending time? You can see why she doesn’t like the heroine since she’s been thwarting her plans as the Sol Maiden in the different worlds aside from this one. So, the heroine getting together with Mel brings the world to an end? (Since Kate is successful this time around, hahaha)

I find it saddening that Kate is really doing all this because she feels so inferior to Mel since he can do anything, is super happy and has everything in life, whereas ever since she was abandoned as a child, she never had anything that was truly hers until she found out she had the power to transcend time, so now she wants to destroy the world and make herself the only living person so she can finally be special. It’s a terrible way to think about things especially if she succeeds, she’ll realise she’s not special at all because people are only special when they can be compared with someone normal. If she’s the only one alive, no one will recognise that she’s special anyway, so what’s the point?

I like that the summon was successful and that there’s more trouble to come but I honestly find Kate a weak villain especially since she was convinced so easily when she was so intent on destroying the world… It was cool to see the heroine’s clothes transform LOL, Sailor Moon moments hahaha, well gotta look pretty when you save the world from darkness I guess? Omggg when the heroine saved the world and all her friends and their familiars were thanking her, Taffy was sooo cuteeee when he jumped at her and clung to her saying he loves her omgg, I want Taffyyy! It was nice to see the heroine get to enjoy the festival this time around with Luca and everyone, sounds like fun~ She also delivered her part as the Sol Maiden well without any mistakes! The only sad thing was that Mel wasn’t there to share all this with her :( Personally, like the headmaster, considering the situation, there should be no reason for his licence as a magical tree doctor to be revoked since he did it to save the world, I don’t think anyone has the right to judge him for that!

Glad everything turned out well with Mel just being reprimanded and Kate being taken by the ministry, but with their master there to watch over her, so I guess now she can reflect but also get what she wanted most, which was the care of the master. Lmao when the heroine asked what Mel would do if she failed the academy judgment exam and he said he’d laugh hahahaah. He’s right though, regardless of whether she passes or not, that doesn’t change the fact that he loves her. I always forget that the story spans across only 13 days, so really, they met, fell in love, confessed, saved the world and then Mel proposed to her?! A lot of things really happened.. You could give me 13 years and I still wouldn’t be able to do those lmao.

I never considered the heroine becoming a magical tree doctor tbh since just because she can talk to them and cast the protection spell doesn’t mean she can become one too lol, but I guess considering how clingy both Mel and the heroine are with each other in this route, working in the same profession, travelling together and being together all the time would suit them. I love the engagement ring Mel made, it’s made with wood from the magical tree and it has a snow apple on it lmao. I’ll forever remember Mel eating her apple🤣 I felt it ended so nicely with Mel being able to fulfill his dream of attending school and it’s alongside the heroine~ Sweet!

Overall, I quite enjoyed Mel’s route, I guess it really helps to pick up on all the romance that Sigurd’s route lacked, but it was kinda to the point that the whole story was basically romance with a bit of plot hahaha. Well, it was good to finally see Mel’s perspective and how this event was related to Mel, but I think it was rather undermining and Kate was a meh kinda villain since her reasons and determination was rather flimsy. Anyway, if you want some more cute romance, then this is the one XD Overall though, I liked Sigurd’s route the most because I felt the heroine grew the most in that route and really became a strong independent woman that Sigurd couldn’t help but fall for eventually haha. Then I’d pick Mel since he’s sweet and I felt that he and the heroine grew together nicely in this route, where they learnt to rely and believe in each other and not just love each other I guess haha. Last is Leslie is because his route was really bland, I personally do like Leslie but his route just felt like nothing happened haha.

[imagine-loki]

Dangerous Love

TITLE: Dangerous Love CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 43 AUTHOR: Pretty Dead Girl ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that, when Loki comes to the tower, you fall in love with him even though you know you shouldn’t. Knowing that you are absolutely terrible at hiding your crush, you avoid him to not get into trouble. Everyone at the tower keeps away from him, but none avoid him as much as you do, and he gets curious. That’s how he finds out your little secret and he will no longer let you ignore him just like that. RATING: M Summary: Tony takes care of business and discovers shocking news while Thor and Astrid take on Loki in an attempt to stop him from ending the world, and a surprise visitor shows up to help Loki. Thor and Astrid went in search of Loki while Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Steve, and Bucky retreated back to Stark Tower. Tony, Vision, and Bruce, the three Avengers who were not wanted criminals, volunteered to stay and deal with the authorities. They didn’t usually stick around for this, but the battle against Eirik and his demons left Central Park littered with bodies, and without SHIELD, someone had to stay behind and explain why.

Another reason they remained behind- if not the most important reason- was to take care of Ragni’s body. She was to be taken care of first by the coroner, above all others. Tony would make sure of that. Sitting next to Ragni, Tony was grateful Vision and Bruce stayed off to the side and gave him a moment to grieve, alone.

The aching pressure in Tony’s chest was a constant reminder of how incredibly guilty he felt, unable to recall ever feeling this bad, and doing his best not to think about Loki or the fact that he was out there all alone while he slowly lost his mind with grief in the process. God, how could he be so fucking stupid? Unable to hold it in for a moment longer, Tony allowed himself to break down. He rocked back and forth, still wearing his helmet to hide the tears that he knew were coming, and started to sob. He grieved for both Ragni, the friend he’d already lost and Loki, the friend he was currently losing.

His sobs were just beginning to die down when F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke up, “Sir, agent Barton is on the line. Would you like me to connect the call?” He started to say no, momentarily embarrassed for crying, then decided against it.

“Yeah,” Tony croaked, no longer caring that Barton would see his red-rimmed eyes once the call connected. He was, at least Tony assumed, currently dealing with his own grief. Mourning not only the loss of a friend but a woman he once loved- a woman he probably still held love for.

A moment later, Barton appeared on the screen. Judging by his long face, his lament was obvious. Wiping the tears from his own red-rimmed eyes, he drew a shuddered breath. “Hey, Tony,” he said quietly, voice wavering as he spoke.

Tony cleared his throat and gave him a small smile, “Hey there, Legolas. What’s up?“

“I called to let you know that Natasha managed to get in contact with Maria Hill and she’s sending a team via Quinjet.”

SHIELD coming to the rescue after being all but eliminated- Tony had a theory that SHIELD evolved from cockroaches; you couldn’t kill them no matter how hard you tried -should have surprised him; it didn’t. Not even a little bit.

“Natasha briefed Hill and her team about what went down earlier and while they shouldn’t have any questions, expect them. They will, without a shadow of a doubt, ask about Nick. SHIELD- what’s left of them anyway -is having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that he willingly joined forces with HYDRA-demons and left us with no other choice than to eliminate him.” At that, Tony furrowed a brow. “We decided to omit the part where Loki murdered Fury in cold blood. So instead, we told Hill that he was killed during the battle. You never know how SHIELD is going to react. While there’s a chance they will say nothing since Fury was technically a HYDRA-demon or whatever, there is also a good chance that they will do something. Claim that since he was in our custody they could have brought him in and ‘cured’ him. But we also would have had to have known SHIELD was still around. Still, I figure better safe than sorry.”

“Good idea.” The last thing they needed to do was give SHIELD a reason to go after Loki. Especially now. Now really wasn’t the best time for that.

Tony had just finished explaining- the Fury, Loki story change -situation to Bruce and Vision when SHIELD arrived. There were at least twelve agents that Tony could see, none that he recognized, scattered all over the park like roaches. He refused to stray too far from Ragni’s body- there was no telling what SHIELD would do with it -and veered away any agents who stepped too close. He figured the coroner would have been here by now, assuming they didn’t need a reasonable time frame to work with since what they were picking up wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Still, the thought pissed him off. He decided if they hadn’t shown up within the next twenty minutes he would take her himself.

Five minutes later, Tony saw a ghost.

“You’re dead,” he stuttered, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes (he’d finally managed to remove his helmet) blinking several times before he decided that either A. he was dreaming or B. he had somehow died and not realized it.

“Am I?” The man known as Phil Coulson replied and quirked an eyebrow in Tony’s direction.

“You were dead. They said you were dead.” Tony stopped himself before he blurted, Loki killed you!

“Huh, guess it didn’t take,” he shrugged indifferently and then smiled. “It’s nice to see you, Tony.”

Well shit! Tony mused to himself. Coulson really was here. Standing in front of him. Alive and, well… Alive. Thank God. He thought he was going crazy there for a minute and he really didn’t want to see another shrink.

“Yeah, you too, dude. Wow. I can’t believe you’re really here. Wait, why didn’t I know that you were alive before now? Does anyone else know? Clint? Natasha? Steve?”

“Not yet, but I plan on revealing myself to them very soon. I’ve been kinda sorta undercover for the past two and a half years. Knowing I’m alive is… Well, it’s a need to know basis,” he explained.

“Sounds, uh, cool.”

“Mhm,” Coulson hummed and pulled out his cell phone, but Tony knew better - that it wasn’t any ordinary cell phone. Not when it came to Phil Coulson and SHIELD. “Now, tell me,” he spoke, gravely, “Exactly, what happened here?”

****

Who knew that New York’s Central Park had its very own satanic temple? It was no wonder Eirik and his demons gathered there. Loki knew the place would still be crawling with mortals and decided to continue his plans the following night. When the time came the park was exactly as needed; empty.

He didn’t even notice that he stopped to stare at the ground until he realized the spot he was subconsciously looking at. Ignoring the stabbing pain in his chest he continued through the park until he reached the center, the satanic temple lying below. He had every intention of bringing the temple to the surface, where he planned to use the earth’s energy to trigger Ragnarok, beginning with Midgard. Once he was finished, he would travel back to Asgard and fulfill the promise he’d made to Odin.

Closing his eyes, he held out both hands and focused his energy, and within moments the ground beneath him started to shake as the temple rose to the earth’s surface. The main spire of the temple bore the effigy of the demon herself, Lexiyah; the demon of destruction and death. Once above ground, Loki relaxed and then focused once more. The air crackled around him as he poured the earth’s energy into the temple that would eventually trigger a catastrophic event. He truly believed it was better this way, for all of them. There would be no more pain, no more suffering, only peace.

“Loki, stop!” A familiar voice came from behind him and Loki rolled his eyes.

Dammit, Thor. Not now!

“Loki, no!” Another voice, one he recognized to be Astrid.

Dammit to hell!

He really didn’t have time to end the world and deal with them. Why couldn’t Thor and Astrid just leave him alone? - leave him be, and just let him do what needed to be done.

***

Loki ignored his pleas, leaving Thor with no choice but to use Mjolnir, and chucked the hammer at his brother. He, of course, made sure the hit wasn’t fatal or really even enough to hurt him, he simply knocked Loki off balance just enough for him to lose his focus. When he regained his footing, Loki glared daggers at Thor before sending a blast of energy in his direction, hitting him, and knocking him back several feet where he landed not so gracefully on his ass.

“Dammit, Loki! That actually hurt!” Thor hissed through gritted teeth, slowly working his way back on his feet. “Loki, you need to stop this madness!”

“Do I? Do I!” He yelled, hitting Thor with another blast of powerful (and very painful) magic, knocking him back to the ground.

“Stop, Loki! You’re hurting him,” Astrid screamed and stepped between them. “Please, you need to stop. This isn’t the way!”

“How would you know!” Loki roared and then hit her with the same blast he hit Thor with.

“Shit! Fuck, that smarts!” She cried, staring at Loki with pleading eyes. “Please, please, Loki. Just stop.”

“I can’t, don’t you see? It’s better this way.”

****

“Please, you must send me back now! I’m the only one who can stop this!” She shouted. “You must send me back!”

“It can be done, but understand, that if you choose to leave you can never return, your fate will lie elsewhere.” A large, dark-skinned man with yellow eyes explained.

“I understand,” she nodded.

"Knowing this, have you reached a decision?”

“I have.” Frigga stood and approached the guardian. “I choose to go back. My son, my Loki needs me, as does the fate of the nine realms.

"Then by the order of the guardians, Frigga Odinson, you are hereby exiled from Valhalla.”

***

Thor and Astrid were on the ground and barely conscious. He couldn’t remember Loki’s magic blasts ever hitting this hard, but considering his new found power, courtesy of Odin and the hidden vault filled with dangerous books of magic (Yes, he knew about that, having arrived on Asgard an hour too late) Loki’s magic was a lot more powerful, but also a lot more unpredictable.

It also occurred to him that Loki may have never actually tried to hurt him before using magic. At least, not until now. But what made the situation worse was that he was hurting Astrid too; his best friend, without a single regard for her welfare. Little by little Loki’s humanity slipped away. If they kept this up Thor was sure the magic would kill both Astrid and himself. It would take a while, but Loki would inevitably kill them if he continued down this road.

“Loki…” Thor tried again, unable to form the words he wanted. “…Stop.”

“I will, brother,” Loki told him. “But only if you stop trying to stop me.”

“You know that I cannot do that.”

“Then I cannot stop. Not until you’re dead.” Hitting Thor with another blast Loki rendered him unconscious.

“Loki, think about what you’re doing!” Astrid attempted to reason. “You can’t kill your brother and you can’t end the world!” She met his eyes and her bottom lip quivered. “You can’t kill me.”

“I can,” he said simply. “And I will, whether it be now or during Ragnarok, you will perish. Now choose.” Loki demanded. “You die now or later, which is it?”

“I won’t let you do this,” she choked, shaking her head. “I won’t.”

“Then you die now,” he declared. “But because you are my friend, I’ll make sure you don’t feel a thing.”

Snapping his fingers, he placed Astrid in a deep sleep and readied himself creating a larger, more powerful, ball of energy that he planned to use to finish them off. Then suddenly, he heard another familiar voice calling out to him. It didn’t take long for him to realize that the voice he was hearing was a voice he shouldn’t have been able to hear. Because the voice was coming from someone who was dead.

Frigga was dead.

“Loki.”

But she wasn’t dead. She was here, now, standing in front of him. Was he seriously hallucinating now? He had to be.

“Loki, my son.” Frigga gave a small smile. “I need you to come back to me.”

“Come back, what do you mean?” He asked skeptically.

“Your humanity slips away, I sense it. You must fight to get it back.”

“I don’t want it back,” he growled. “It makes the pain easier to handle if I seal it away.”

“Loki-”

“You aren’t real, you can’t be! Frigga… my mother is dead.”

“I was dead and now I am not, but I’m real Loki. I’m right here.”

“But how?”

“That isn’t important right now,” she told him. “What’s important is that you stop this. Do you truly wish to destroy a world that your mother resides on? Would it be so easy for you to kill me?”

“What, no!” Loki stressed. “I would never harm you, you know that!”

“Yes, I do know that,” Frigga said softly and took a few steps toward her youngest son.

“…You’re really here?” He asked so softly, so pitifully, it broke Frigga’s heart. He still wasn’t sure if she was truly here.

“Yes, Loki. I’m really here.”

Releasing the magical energy, Loki let it fall into nothing and stood as still as a statue (probably with his mouth gaped open) as Frigga approached him.

This couldn’t be real; it had to be a dream.

…His mother was dead.

“Mother?”

The word comes out broken as it finally hits him, losing what little composure he had left. Sobbing, Loki falls to his knees and Frigga knelt down beside him, taking him into her arms much like she did when he was a small child and embraced him. And he lets her. He lets her hold him as if he were a child, enjoying the comfort and presence of his mother; something that he’d missed very much.

“Everything is so screwed up,” Loki choked. “I lost… I lost her and I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry my sweet boy, mother’s here now,” she assured him, running her fingers through his hair. “You mustn’t go through with what you’re trying to do, Loki. I know that you’re hurting and I know you long for death. I know exactly what you’ve lost and for that I’m sorry, but please, Ragni wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“You knew Ragni?”

“I knew of her. I watched you Loki and that girl loved you, I could see that clearly. She wouldn’t want this and deep down you know it too. If not for me, do it for her - promise me you won’t do this, that you’ll stop and come back to me. If you let me I can help you.”

After several minutes of silence, Loki reluctantly agreed, “Alright.”

“You can try but I swear mother if I cannot find something to numb the pain - stop this constant ache in my chest - and soon, I won’t last much longer and it won’t matter how badly I want to live because the grief will kill me. I can already feel it.”

****

“How long is he going to be gone?”

If Tony wasn’t depressed before he sure as hell was depressed now.

They’d found Loki, but his mother had returned from the grave (holy shit, what’s with all the dead rising?!) deciding that it was best she take Loki away for a couple of months while she helped him manage (and hopefully) remedy his grief. Now he stood in the living room with a girl he didn’t know but didn’t care because his only concern was for Loki.

“Couple of months,” Astrid shrugged. “Three at the most. Frigga thinks a change of scenery might help instead of staying here where everything reminds him of her. I’m sure it’s hard either way.”

“I’m sure it is,” he nodded. “Wait, Ragni’s funeral is the day after tomorrow. Loki’s going to miss it?”

She nodded sadly. “Yeah. When he gets back we can show him her gravesite. Loki’s having a hard time focusing on anything other than not losing his mind and/or humanity right now.”

“I can’t even imagine what he’s going through.” Tony sighed and sat down on the couch.

“You couldn’t, it’s so much worse because of the bond,” she mumbled and joined Stark on the couch. “We have to do something. He can’t just stay this way. I have a lot of faith in Frigga, but even I don’t think she can work around this kind of magic.”

That was discouraging, if the Allmother couldn’t even save the day.

“So what do we do?” Tony asked.

“The only thing that we can do.” Astrid took a deep breath and stared Tony Stark directly in the eyes. “We’re going to bring Ragni back.”

Author notes: I am so sorry this took so damn long. I forgot how to write and I’ve also been dealing with personal problems. I’ll do my best and try not to take so long for the next update.