#yeah it does look good in photos or from certain angles but idk

[no-one-hears-me]

why did super overlined lips become a thing when they only look good on camera IF THAT

[nikrangdan]

photographer!ni-ki

pairing: photographystudent!ni-ki x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: every time you went to the park you noticed a mysterious boy who would take pictures of the scenery on his cute little camera. you liked to see what he’d take pictures of from afar but one day you noticed his camera pointing straight at.. you

for ni-ki’s bday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE <33 sorry i posted a day late but i hope u all enjoy!

———

“y/n!”

you groan before getting out of your bed at 10am

it was a saturday why was your mom yelling at u ..

you walked into the kitchen all sluggishly and rubbed your eyes

“you need to start taking suki on walks to the park. you need the exercise too.” your mom doesn’t even spare u a glance before walking out the door to run some errands

right

u forgot u were taking care of ur cousins dog while he was out of town... her name was suki

shes a little shiba inu AND SHES THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!

WELP

u dont even have a choice anymore

u got somewhat ready before heading out with suki in your arms

shes so soft and fluffy

though u dont like to admit it, u kinda agreed with ur mom about u needing to exercise and get out the house

you’ve been cooped up in your room for days with no social or nature interaction

so

the park was about a 10 minute drive from ur house

and it was actually a really pretty park...

there was a lake and really pretty flowers everywhere and alot of gazebos and benches

and a nice open field of greenery

it basically looked like a park out of a movie

so you weren’t suprised that there was a decent amount of people there

but not too much thankfully.. or else you would’ve driven to another park with less people

you got out the car with suki and put her on the leash

let the walking begin!!!!

it was a really nice day out... the sun was shining but it wasnt too hot or cold

you led her onto the sidewalk and she began sniffing at the grass around her

whenever a few people would pass they would coo at how adorable she was

it wasnt until 5 minutes later that ur eyes locked onto a figure infront of the lake

you were just walking with suki in silence.. admiring the scenery

until u caught sight of a boy

u could only see his back but u noticed the camera over his shoulder

he was standing in one of those photographer poses where like one leg is bent and kind of out while his back is hunched to get that perfect angle of a shot

he was infront of the sidewalk railings where the lake begins and he was taking photos of the scenery across from it

it was a beautiful sight honestly

there was another sidewalk but behind it was colorful trees and blossoming flowers and bushes

u understood why he’d take pictures of it

you didnt see his face but u kind of acknowledged the boy before walking past him with suki

basically thinking he was just another passerby that you noticed making a single appearance in your life and never expecting to see him again

OH BOY U WERE WRONG

the next time you see him is 3 days later at the same park

you were walking suki again but this time at 7pm after dinner

the sun was almost done setting so the sky was getting darker but there was still a hint of the orange circle peeking from below

this time you walked further down the sidewalk path towards the scattered gazebos

and you noticed the same boy again

this time he was sat in one of the gazebos with his tiny camera in his hands

his back was hunched over again and he was looking closely at the pictures he had taken

‘oh its him again’ u thought

and that was it

LOL

u just acknowledged him in ur head AGAIN before u thought nothing of it and continued ur walk with suki

so the NEXT time u saw him was another 2 days later at 7pm again

you wanted to take suki on a quick walk

but you got tired after like 10 minutes so you sat down on a blanket u brought

suki was just laying next to u while u were on ur phone

it wasnt fully dark out yet and there was still a few people in the park

the fairy lights that were placed around were lit up already

it was super pretty and the weather was nice

after staring at ur phone for a few mins u looked up just to look around

and u saw Him again

wow

why do u keep seeing him !?!?!

his back was faced towards u like always

and he was like 40 feet away from u so he looked so tiny

but u could tell it was him because of his blond hair and black coat he always wore

you kind of zoned out and unfortunately ur eyes were trained on his back without u even noticing

and he

turned

around

for the first time EVER!!!!

its like he sensed someone staring at him

but yes he turned around with his camera in his hand

the first thing u noticed was that he got a new camera

it was a larger black one

definitely more expensive

Awe good for him!!!!!

and then u glanced up to see his face

and u made EYE CONTACT

u looked away so fast

because

He was SO CUTE.............

u awkwardly started looking to your left and tried turning ur face away from him

‘oh look at those beautiful um... birds.. yeah’

hopefully he didnt notice

*nervously sweats*

u didnt dare look back in that direction so u spent the rest of your evening in the park on ur phone or playing with suki

eventually it reached 8pm so u packed up ur stuff and went home

U were still kind of thinking about that boy....

so u were like

i need to go back

and u did Lol

u went back the next day at 6pm this time with suki

it was lighter out and the sky was beautiful

perfect for a certain boy to be taking photos

*evil laugh*

u were walking for like 15 minutes and u didnt see him anywhere :((((

the one time u go there for HIM

u settled down under a tree

suki immediately went on the blanket when u sat down too

you played tug of war with her and fed her some treats while playing

playing with her for 10 minutes straight definitely tired u out so u laid down and just stared at the sky

it was a faded blue turning into orange and pink

U were kinda bored so u sat up and started petting suki

you would occasionally glance up at the strangers walking past u

and

let me tell u what Happened..

u looked up at another lady walking her dog and went like

‘aweee that dog is so cute’ in ur head

and u took ur eyes off the dog and glanced to ur right

idk bc u felt like it

AND GUESS WHAT U SEE???!??????

THE BOY

LIKE 20 FEET AWAY

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD

AND HE HAD HIS CAMERA UP TO HIS FACE

and it WAS POINTED AT U ??!?!

as soon as u looked in his direction he jumped and put his hands down

he like

Blushed????? and awkwardly smiled u know rubbing the neck and all that

he was embarrassed

ur cheeks were turning so red

BUT HE WAS SO ADORABLE

was kind of weird.... stalkerish but um

he cleared that up BECAUSE

He started walking over to u

he was wearing black jeans that were ripped on the knees with black high top converse

and a gray sweater with a black coat over it

HE JUST LOOKED CUTE OK

ur were like OMg []£{€]%[#{%€]£{

n he just Plop

he stood right infront of u basically towering bc u were sitting under the tree

suki noticed the boy and tilted her head like hmmmm???

u had the SMALLEST smile on ur face bc u wanted to seem friendly but not TOO friendly

he had his camera strap over his arm while he held it and his other hand was rubbing the name of his neck

“uh... sorry about that.. i didn’t mean to seem weird or anything!” he waved his hands infront of him to deny it

u just sat there while he talked like ❤️_❤️

“im uh taking photos for my class and i thought u looked nice so i took some pictures.. im really sorry i should’ve asked first now i seem weird or something im really-,”

u cut him off so he didnt ramble any longer

“no its okay! i get it” you gave him a warm smile and pet suki while she drifted to your side and kept her eyes on him

u both just stared at eachother for a few seconds before you spoke

“um.. would you like to sit?” you scooted over and made room for him in the blanket

WOW U WERE FEELING BOLD TODAY...

“uh sure” he set his camera down and sat beside u

“this is suki.. shes my cousins dog” u said when she climbed into his lap and started sniffing him

he grinned and pet her before looking up at you

“im ni-ki by the way” his cheeks turned a bit pink which u thought was cute

“y/n” you smiled

“suki seems to like you” u laughed

“so how long have you been working on this project or whatever?”

“oh um i started last week... i just have to make a portfolio of photos i take and turn it in” he said while keeping his eyes trained on suki

u noticed he didnt make eye contact with u often but u knew it was probably because he was nervous because u do that too

“can i see the pictures...?” u hesitantly ask him

his eyes light up when u say that

“yeah!”

AWE HES SO EXCITED

he picks up his camera next to him and clicks a few buttons

“oh by the way... ive noticed u at the park before! you’re always with the camera” you laugh

“ah yeah, this park is where most of my project photos are taken.”

he leans over and shows you the pictures on the device

“woah” you let out a gasp

he showed u the picture he took of you first

How does a picture look better than real life...

you’ve never really been into photography but now that you’ve seen his work u might just have to start getting into it

“this isnt even done yet, i still have to edit it so it’ll look even more perfect” he shyly says

“this is amazing what the heck” your jaw is Dropped

“thanks”

“i need to see the final result” u said because it was such a nice picture

“um.. if you give me your number i can show you it” he sent you a cheeky grin

SMOOTH.....

he was so AGGGHGGHG ur kind of obsessed

you two exchange numbers and talk about random things for a whole hour until he says he has to go

“it was really nice meeting you.. i had fun” he tells you as he starts standing up

suki is sleeping so he tries not to wake her up

“i had fun too” you smile

“would you like me to walk you to your car?”

A GENTLEMAN !!?!?!?!

“oh yeah, thanks”

you two spend another 2 minutes together as you walk side by side with suki in your arms and he held your blanket and bag for you

you reached your car and thanked him

“ill see you soon, dont forget to text me! and good luck on the project, i know you’ll do great”

“thank you..”

ni-ki’s cheeks turn pink once more before he turns around and starts walking away with a smile on his face

he is just the cutest thing ever

you definitely need to see him again

[msgrumpygills]

Ugh, I can't believe I'm doing this but:

To play devil's advocate for Misha, a lot of what some of the antis say about him are blown out of proportion. Not saying he doesn't still do sh*tty things but not QUITE as sh*tty. There was the claim of RA being a fake charity, the Karla stuff, the upskirt photos (the fans are all in shorts and someone said they asked him to take a photo of them at a certain angle idk i saw the argument forever ago and it looked pretty setteld on the side of no upskirt) the faking being poor growing up (apparently Darius Marder spilled that it was actually worse for Misha growing up than he let on) as well as maybe 1 or 2 other things. Idk i try not to get involved. Misha isn't the only one either. Both sides are up Jensen's ass constantly even though he deserves it the least (ie: the hotel door kicking thing and the prequel thing).

Here's the thing though, Jensen gets criticized from all sides and I've seen Misha stans turn on their Godking quicker than a white tiger at a Siegfried and Roy show ( sorry I'm old that was my best analogy) when he says something they dont like (usually pertaining to their ship) but i rarely see a Jared stan say " Hey dude, maybe don't?" When he does something messed up.

I honestly didn't notice it until he got arrested and I was thinking "Not cool." While everyone in my circle was rallying to support him. I think thats about the time my fan glasses got knocked off my face and it only went down hill from there.

Like yeah, we can like someone and still be critical of their actions, but when we hate someone it should be measured in an equal and opposite way. If someone is a sh*tty person there's no need to make up stories about them to make them seem worse.

I believed the RA being fake or a scam and had to make a correction post not too long ago. I try very hard to give full context to things for that reason. Misha is a creep and a dick at times, but he doesn’t deserve to have things made up about him just for people to have a reason to not like him. Dislike him because you want to, it’s a free country. 

I vaguely remember the hotel door kicking story, and kind of forgot about it. Wasn’t it something involving Jared? Like he was in the room and Jensen was worried? Either way, kicking a door in isn’t cool. There are definitely people who refuse to hold Jensen accountable for things (I’m sure people think I’m like that) same with Misha, but Jared fans I think are the worst. 

Good analogy! Misha fans get very aggressive if he says something wrong, Jensen fans can go either way depending on what it is, but Jared fans? He’s an angel! Never does wrong! Always the victim! 

I know I rag on Misha and Jared more than Jensen, but I’m not blind to the shitty things Jensen has done in the past. The difference is, Jensen apologizes for things, he changes his behavior, and learns from things. Plus, besides prequelgate, he hasn’t made recent mistakes. Jared and Misha do something dumb far more frequently. 

[vagrantblvrd]

Okay, so I can’t stop thinking about the AU where Jaskier somehow ends up working in a Geek Squad-esque department and has to deal with these witchers who bring in mangled/otherwise destroyed phones and the whatnot AU?

Like, the witchers aren’t completely technologically impaired right because the thing about living through who knows how many innovations and whatnot over the years but they really don’t make stuff the way they used to.

(Jaskier maybe sit through a semi-rant on the subject a time or two while processing whatnot for the witchers who have brought him yet another mangled bit of tech orth a fair bit of money and did he know they used to make them of sturdier stuff???)

Anyway.

Geralt is Geralt, all hm’s and hm’s and usually :( although there have been moments of >:( and an especially rare :| which is the closest to the teeny tiny smile Jaskier gets on a good day or when he says something that amuses Geralt enough to visibly show it. (An actual :) is something to be treasured for days afterward and gets Jaskier gentle ribbing from his co-workers because his relationship with the witchers and Geralt in particular is high entertainment for them, but yes.)

Lambert is a delightful asshole who came in all >:(((((((((( after Geralt mentioned there was a new face in the Geek Squad-esque group, one who got him a new phone in spite of the most recently mangled one being out of warranty and suchlike. Didn’t even ask why it smelled of swamp water and may or may not have had bits of swamp...gunk in its insides and anyway.

Jaskier clearly made an impression on Geralt and he’s like but why, though, and comes in intending to be That Customer - and indeed is through the entire ordeal.

Makes Jaskier go over the fine print in the warranty and whatnot when he brings in some horribly mangled bit of shiny tech - a tablet or some such that clearly cannot be saved and is just barely under warranty. A day later and he’d be out of luck, right?

And while it’s covered by the warranty it’s also just old enough the store doesn’t carry it anymore - been discontinued or whatever - which should be fine, right? Jaskier can set Lambert up with the newest model or other equivalent and everything should be fine, but no, no.

Lambert gets this glint in his eye and is like, oh, I’m not going to make things that easy for you, buddy, and goes off on this...whatever about how he liked the version he had - doesn’t want or need the added features on the new one even though they actually are pretty nice, just because he can.

And of course he came in on one of the days Jaskier’s usual supervisor is off and the one who’s had it out for Jaskier since day one is working. Positive Jaskier has done nothing to deserve being moved from overnight stocker to Geek Squad-esque team member and looking for the smallest reason to get him fired. (Or at least kicked back to overnight stocker and then fired for some other reason no one can call them on.)

This supervisor who is hovering, just waiting for Jaskier’s Retail Voice and whatnot to slip so they can pounce and Lambert might not know the details about it all, but it’s pretty damn obvious the supervisor doesn’t like Jaskier.

So he’s like, “Okay, but...” whenever Jaskier brings up a new avenue of convincing the asshole to just say he’ll take the new tablet and gtfo already, pls you asshole, pleasant smile on his face and gritting his teeth the whole time.

Just as the supervisor has had enough of watching Jaskier dealing with this stubborn customer and clearly failing to meet their needs, Lambert is like “Well, I really did like my old tablet, but I suppose this one you’ve been trying to sell me on for nearly half an hour will be adequate, probably,” like Jaskier’s got him at gunpoint or something.

Jaskier is like oh, excellent, sir, what a wonderful choice sir, you are totally my favorite customer sir!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD while also being like >:(((((((((((((((((( to Lamert’s clear amusement and whatnot.

After the deal is done and the bastard’s on his way out, Jaskier is like !!! when he sees Lambert stop in front of the assole!supervisor sure he’s going to complain about Jaskier. To his surprise though, Lambert’s just, all “Oh, he was so helpful! Answered all my questions!” and so on and both Jaskier and the asshole!supervisor are taken aback because that was not what they were expecting?

And then Lambert’s like “I only want to deal with him when I come in here,” to which Jaskier is ah, okay because he gets Lambert’s game now, and the supervisor is just okay, well, I have no control over that unless you come in on days he’s working, but you can bet I’mm make sure it happens if you do, haha.

Which more or less seals Jaskier’s fate on that angle, and absolutely what Lambert intended, and anyway, asshole.

Later on, after they’ve had enough such encounters that Lambert isn’t suspicious of this oddly helpful person at the store where they buy most of their consumer electronics he’s like, >:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD when he comes in nd Jaskier’s like >:(((((((((((((((((((( if you really wanted to help me out here with the asshole!supervisor you’d buy an extended warranty or whatever and Lambert rolls his eyes and scoffs because those are scams and he’s not an idiot, and anyway, he knows Jaskier doesn’ really want to shank him out back behind the store with a rusty knife the way he threatened one time because Lambert is a delight, okay, an utter delight.

Jaskier side-eyes him so hard for that and is like, oh????? So then Lambert won’t mind meeting him out back on his break? Asking for a friend, you know, no other reason. Strangely, Lambert does not.

(Mostly because of that time Geralt fondly told the others about Jaskier shanking a monster out back by the store’s loading dock when Geralt was a little bit bleeding out and in a bad spot and anyway, yeah, no, thanks, Lambert wasn’t born yesterday okay.)

But you know who is an actual delight that Jaskier loves to see come into the store?

Aside from Geralt???

Eskel.

The man is sweet and polite and holds actual conversations (not a slight against Geralt by any means, it’s just. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone at work who isn’t a coworker or a horrible customer and so on) and otherwise doesn’t give Jaskier headaches.

(Though there was the one night after closing and rare time when the store would be clsoed the next day for a holiday or whatever so no night crew coming in. Jaskier was trying to get his car to start when Eskel showed up all bloody and half-dead and Jaskier was closest. Also his phone was broken and no way to contact Geralt or anyone else and how was Jaskier at first aid, asking for a friend and all.)

Anyway.

Jaskier’s favorite encounter with Eskel at work is when he calls Jaskier asking if he can help with a tech issue. Mangled laptop and files he wants to get off the harddrive you know, but ~sensitive file that have to do with the witchers and their work.

They all pretend Jaskier knows absolutely nothing about any of it, even though he’s patched all of them up at some point or they’ve saved his life from some monster or other and there really shouldn’t be any pretense about it all?

AND YET.

It’s one of those days where work is slow and the other Geek Squad-esque people are out on house calls and won’t be back for a few hours or called out sick or whatever.

And this, okay, this is something Jaskier convinced one of them to teach him or he taught himself through Google and YouTube and anyway, he can do the file transfer magic stuff for Eskel, no problem.

Tells him as such and to come by before anyone gets back from the calls so he can handle it himself without anyone looking on and all, so he does, right?

Jaskier lets Eskel in the back room with him while he works, and they have a nice little chat and catch up on what’s new in their lives and all that.

Jaskier is like oh, ew, gross because some of the files he salvages for Eskel are photo documentations of past hunts - for science!!1! - but also ooh, what was that hunt like???

(Accidentally clicks on some or some other reason for him seeing what the files are or just file names and anyway, shhhh, let me have this.)

Because curiosity and also songs and Geralt enjoys being difficult on purpose and Jaskier’s never sure how much Lambert tells him is complete bullshit, and anyway. Eskel’s the nice one. Usually.

Also, though, also.

There are so many photos of Geralt and Lambert, Vesemir and Ciri and certain sorceresses and suchlike, and it’s adorable and sweet and wholly expected?

BUT.

To Jaskier’s forever joy and delight there are at least two entire album’s worth of freaking goat pictures.

(Well, okay, goat and horse and whatever other animals these withcers have in their lives and so on.)

It’s adorable as hell and Jaskier makes these little squeaky noises of pure awww at the sight of them, okay, because Lil Bleater and whatever little terrors Eskel has known and clearly adores.

He’s like staring straight ahead and all everything’s fine and normal and whatnot while Jaskier is like omg and she’s so cute and omg Eskel, omg.)

Withcers may not be able to blush or whatever, but you can sure as hell bet he would have been blushing up a damned storm if he could and Jaskier also knows that and is just.

Charmed, okay, he is utterly charmed by this big soft dork and swears he won’t tell anyone even though the people who matter obviously know as well, and anyway, anyway, he gets this soft little smile for it and his heart is like oh, oh no, because Jaskier’s kind of gone on these idiot witchers okay.

(After the discovery of the goat pictures Eskel starts sending new ones to Jaskier who always gets that look people get when presented with adorable pictures of animals and this warm squishy feeling because oh, oh no, indeed and anyway, yes, because idk what pairings/ships i even want this to be anymore but just soft feelings all over the place even with Lambert, the bastard. XD)

[merinnan]

Time Raiders

Okay, pausing the DMBJ 2 watches to watch the Time Raiders movie instead! I've been told that the entire movie is basically one big crackfic & I want to see how true that is

- Apparently the only place I can find it is YouTube 

- And we open with someone laying down cards which...seem to be making a qilin pattern. Okay. 

- And now we're at the Himalayas, and it seems to be a bunch of white soldiers shooting people? 

- Oh, this leader white guy has a classic villain look. I love the pocket watch, too 

- Wait, he's supposed to be a scientist? 

 - He obviously hasn't read the Evil Overload Handbook 

- And now this is giving me flashbacks to Xiaoge's first appearance in DMBJ1

- Ah, yes, I think this is the Xiaoge for this movie. Excellent. 

- DUDES. You have GUNS. You were using them just before. Why are you now using knives only? 

- I mean, it wouldn't do much better, because Xiaoge, but still 

- This is A Look

- Finally, one of them uses a gun, and it's as useless as I expected it would be 

- Ahahahah, omg, what he did to these two guys is hilarious 

- That is a TERRIBLE hiding place 

- Don't....don't leave him alive. JFC

- This flashback montage is super weird 

- Look, I don't have a tattoo myself, but I'm pretty sure that that's not how you get tattoos 

- And now we move to Wushanju 

- Oh, I think it's Sanshu who's been playing with those cards

- ...you have got to be kidding me 

- Really? We're really doing this? 

- I guess this is Wu Xie, then 

- What even did he just randomly put that mask on for 

- That is NOT a newborn

- Awww, kid Wu Xie 

- Yay, creepy old houses. And ofc kid Wu Xie is gonna try to get inside 

- But that is a fucking massive lock 

- Yes, of course, wrap the porch in giant fuckoff chains, but don't lock the front door. Why not? 

- ....k 

- Sure, that happened

- And bratty kid Wu Xie still pinched one of the medallions after all of that 

- Okay, yeah, if you were a kid who had to go to a funeral every month, no wonder you'd be so bored at them

- This movie is all over the place in terms of timeline 

- I think we're finally into the time period of the main story 

- And it seems this one also has Wu Xie as having been an architecture student of some kind

- Oh, yes, that's exactly what you want to find while crawling through a tunnel 

- WX: "Sanshu can never know about this. You didn't tell him, right?" 

WM: *oh shit I'm screwed face* 

- Hi Sanshu, I wonder how you got here

- I love that no matter what version it is, Wu Xie is a little shit XD 

- ...Wu Xie. Moths. Light. No. 

- Wu Xie gonna Wu Xie 

- Wu Xie, what are you doing? 

- OMG 

- Sanshu, this is all your fault for never letting him in anything like this. He doesn't know not to touch

- Wow, that wasn't subtle at all 

- That's some steampunky looking villain lair right there 

- I love how the 'passerby video' getting screened fucking everywhere is just the movie footage of that scene XD That's some high quality passerby video with interesting angles

- That's an interesting drinking spot, Xiaoge 

- I love that so far Wu Xie's instincts for everything is either 'touch it', 'wear it', or 'dismantle it' 

- ....okay 

- Yeah, I....I think this is going to be my reaction to most of the movie, tbh

- Although at least this whole magic Snake Empress and weird ancient technology/magic thing is more interesting than the bland het palace drama randomly dropped into the middle of DMBJ1 

- Oh, finally, some product placement 

- I was wondering what was taking it so long

- I love how all their desks and papers and such are inside what look like coffins, and then fold out 

- Oh look, Xiaoge's sword is inside one of the coffins. 

- And there's Xiaoge 

- Hei Ye gave Sanshu the sword decades ago?

- lol, this is like some Sword in the Stone bullshit right here 

 - I love it 

- a) Was all that really necessary 

- b) wtf even is that sword? 

- It's a really bizarre design, and surely being able to be moved like a mechanical device would weaken it?

- ...okay, that was a cute meeting, I'll give it that 

- Love how the older guys are teasing Wu Xie in the truck here. 

- Oh, Wu Xie's actually a psych student in this one

- And like, Wu Xie, how do you know Xiaoge was looking at his reflection. It's a window, he might have just been spacing out at the scenery 

- You must have been paying a lot of attention to him to notice it was the reflection he was actually looking at, hmmm? 👀

- This is a cute Wu Xie, tho 

- Yes, Wu Xie, despite your lack of modesty there I totally caught that you just called Xiaoge handsome 

- WU XIE WHAT NO DON'T DO THAT 

- Hahaha, Xiaoge had exactly the same reaction

- No, Wu Xie, it doesn't matter that you'd taken the ammo out, you should never stick the barrel of a gun in your face and look down it like that. 

- Even if you're certain it's unloaded, you just DON'T DO THAT

- Wu Xie, lacking impulse control and survival instincts without Xiaoge and Pangzi since....forever 

- (okay, lacking survival instincts was perhaps a bit too far, but still)

- I love Xiaoge's "omg what even are you" look at that 

- This is a very talkative and open to talking about himself Xiaoge 

- It's kind of weird

- lol @ Sanshu locking Wu Xie in the truck so he can't come with them 

 - I mean, really, does he actually expect this to work? 

- He knows his nephew both likes and is good at taking things apart, after all 

- lol, I knew it 

- Oh 

- Oh, that's not a good sign

- Even Coral's logo just screams 'villainous organisation' 

- These mercenaries look like video game characters from like COD or something 

- Oh hi, lady I presume is A-Ning 

- I like the haircut. Looks kinda like DMBJ 1 Xiaoge's haircut, just with the fringe over the opposite eye

- Oh, there's that gratuitous boob shot that @thosch3i​ told me about 

- I really don't see why it was necessary for A-Ning to crawl all over the truck like that when everyone else just walked past it

- There is some really nice scenery in this movie with all the mountains and cliffs and such 

- "What I'm doing isn't about right or wrong, it's about how much" I like this A-Ning. She is refreshingly direct and mercenary

- Damn, I though Xiaoge was going to notice the drone. I mean, it's so close to them! He should notice it! 

- Love Hendrix's surprised Pikachu face at recognising him, though 

- I'm honestly surprised that none of them have looked in the truck at all

- I do appreciate that this movie doesn't even attempt to pretend that they're not tomb raiders 

- And that they have no interest in preserving this place 

- Because BOOM! Let's just dynamite our way in and destroy half the wall

- Oops, no floor there 

- Hahaha, this tomb is a fucking platform game 

 - Lovely, a shootout in a tomb. Just what every good tomb raiding movie need 

 - lol, Sanshu 

- Don't you ever ever again wonder where your nephew's little shit tendencies come from

- I think Xiaoge and A-Ning are the only truly competent people on their respective teams 

- A-Ning, 'keep them alive' does not mean 'try to shoot one in the face at close range' 

- That little boot knife is kinda cute, though 

- Clever move, Pan Zi

- I love the Xiaoge/A-Ning fight. He really is the only one who could keep her distracted 

- I'm impressed at how well she held her own with him 

- IDK why he was holding back

- Also, Xiaoge participating in fight banter, no matter how minimal? Strange, but also kinda cool. 

- I'm going to be giggling about that "Not bad"/"I know" for awhile, I think 

- IDK how they had the time or the ability to stay still long enough to rig up that trap, I'm impressed

- lol, yeah, I didn't think that it would take Wu Xie long to get out of the truck 

- I take back my earlier comment about it being too harsh to say that Wu Xie lacks survival instincts without Xiaoge and Pangzi around

- Wu Xie, there is not enough light down here for you to get good shots without your flash being on 

- I know having your flash on is a BAD idea, but still 

- You cannot be getting good photos in this light

- Why is Xiaoge separated from everyone? He jumped down with them 

- I mean, it's good that he is, otherwise Wu Xie would be kinda screwed right now 

- Huh, bats, there must be an actual entrance to this tomb, not just the one that Sanshu's team made.

- A-Ning's tiny baby drones are so cute 

- The English dubbing in this is surprisingly good compared to the shows 

- Yes, good, the staring is starting 

- ...Wu Xie, you little shit 

 - He's so pleased with himself 

- Xiaoge is so confused until he explains it 

- OMG, a Xiaoge smile

- OMG A XIAOGE LAUGH

- Ah yes, multiple large tornadoes, a way to signify weird shit is going now 

- And weird spinny planets forming an...energy grid of some kind? 

- ...k 

- The mini drones apparently only pick up on people who are part of A-Ning's team, I guess

- JESUS 

- I mean, I had a strong suspicion that was gonna happen, but it still made me jump 

- Xiaoge to the rescue! 

- Damn, that sword is strong 

- This tomb definitely has a spider colony, but given it also has a bat colony that doesn't surprise me

- Those are some creepy looking mannequins 

- This set up looks like a game of Mouse Trap 

- A game of Mouse Trap with fire 

- That's actually a really cool way to light all the candles and lamps 

- I'm impressed that none of the cobwebs have caught on fire

- Oh, so NOW you use your flash, Wu Xie. When the room is all well lit and you don't actually need it 

- CREEEEEPY 

- Wu Xie and his compulsive need to touch things 

- Are all the puppets connected somehow, or are we gonna have spooky magical shit making them all come to life?

- Oh, the puppet band is like the bells, I guess 

- Huh, it seems Wu Xie's the only one who got thrown into memories in these illusions, everyone else's hallucination still has them inside the tomb 

- wtf, a lion is a weird thing to hallucinate

- Magic Zhang blood, go! 

- IDK why he needs to cut himself for each person, though, surely one cut should be enough to get all the drops of blood he needs 

- Good boy, Wu Xie, already so protective of his Xiaoge

- This really is a fucking platform game 

- Guys, this is why you study up on the raid mechanics BEFORE you enter the instance 

- Ahahahah, the music playing as Wu Xie basically dances with the sword trap

- lol, the look on Xiaoge's face as he realises Wu Xie is just...fucking dancing and taking photos 

- And that it's WORKING 

- OMFG, this is basically just a bizarre dance sequence 

- I love it 

- It's so stupid

- The puppets having fucking crossbows 

- Because ofc they do 

- Repeating crossbows 

- ...k 

- So now we have a room full of skeletons stuffed into cages 

- Why not 

- Ah, we're about to have bugs show up 

- Excellent 

- This is what I've been waiting for

- Let the hilarity begin continue 

- Dude, you can quit right now as much as you like, but it doesn't mean you're going to be able to get out of here by yourself 

- I guess this guy's gonna die now 

- For the tropes are hungry and must be fed 

- Much like the bugs

- Yep, here we go 

- Hello, shibie, I've been expecting you 

- These ones don't look as cartoonishly ridiculous as the ones in DMBJ 1, I'm sad 

- OMFG, it's eating the shovel/pick/thing 

- Okay, this is a good effort at cartoonish ridiculousness

- It's a lovely day in the tomb, and these are horrible shibie 

- Poor Wu Xie, so shocked at getting slapped

- And yeah. Yeah, that's about the only thing you can do there. 

- Only way to save the guy is to just give him a quick death so he doesn't suffer from being eaten alive

- They're lucky these shibie move so slowly. It gives them plenty of time to climb up onto those frames 

- lol, weird bendy sword again 

- Wow, good catch, Wu Xie 

- Y'know, Wu Xie, it might have been more useful to give the knife to Da Kui 

- And ofc Wu Xie falls down

- What is a DMBJ adaptation without Wu Xie getting himself into danger like this?

- That was so much wtf all at once 

- First, an unbroken flute just, like, laying there on the ground 

- Then, Wu Xie somehow thinking that playing it would save him from the bugs 

- Then that WORKED 

- He's like the fucking Pied Piper of the shibie 

- What even is this movie

- Haha, the little OK sign he flashes at Xiaoge 

- The wtf look on Xiaoge's face 

- Same, Xiaoge. Same 

- I love how everyone just. Accepts it & congratulates Wu Xie on being an awesome flute player 

- But then ig what else are you gonna do? 

- It's like, well, this may as well happen

- Sanshu's team really likes using grenades, huh? 

- Well, it does work pretty well! 

- See, Wu Xie, this is when you need to summon your bugs back

- On a completely different tangent, I cannot get over how weirdly the subs translate men you ping. I had to look up wtf shtum was. I've never come across it before. Is it something more commonly used in the US or something?

- Xiaoge, when you said you had a better way than digging under the door, I didn't think you meant just BATTERING THE FUCKING DOOR WITH THE SHOVEL 

- Oh, no, it's with your sword

- Because the best way to look after a sharp blade and keep it in good condition and keep a good edge is to...hack at rocks with it 

- Ofc 

- Why didn't I think of that? 

-  OK, ig fucking up your sword's edge did actually work, there's now a giant-ass hole in the door

- This is serious Day After Tomorrow vibes here

- Ah, yes, giant lightning strikes that cause so much force to travel through the earth that they can semi-collapse a tunnel deep underneath a mountain 

- Just your usual tomb robbing dangers 

- Physicists and meteorologists would have a fucking field day here

- Ah, I see we're at this level of the platform game 

- With the collapsing floor you need to get across without falling

- Okay, that's really kinda sweet of Wu Xie here. He thinks he's likely to die, and the most important thing to him is giving Xiaoge the pictures he took of him so that he doesn't lose all his memories 

- And aww, Xiaoge's so worried about him

- Like, I'm totally understanding why the transmigrated Wu Xie in that fic looked at these two and went "wow, we're so gay in this timeline" 

- Even the music in this scene is shipping it 

- Romantic line, and dramatic fall through the floor. Yep.

- I'm amazed he survived that fall, but it's Wu Xie, and he can't die 

- ...yes, ancient Persian architecture totally had anachronistic technology. Sure. This is definitely like that 

- omfg, they're statis chambers 

- 2000 year old stasis chambers

- Guess they're not worried about catching Sanshu and his team to get the key anymore. They've been kinda sidetracked 

- Side quests will do that 

- ...plant golems 

- "Don't shoot the thing that's in the process of murdering your friend! You might damage my research project!"

- Ew, that's not a nice death 

- Yes, good girl, A-Ning 

- That thing was just gonna kill your whole team otherwise 

- ...how did that laptop survive the blast enough for Wu Xie to be using it with no problem 

- That's one tough laptop 

- Where do I get one?

- And hey, I guess the one Chinese guy with A-Ning isn't actually one of her people, since she just, like, left him there 🤣 In the room with a plant golem 🤣 That she then threw a grenade into 🤣

 - ...omg, that's meant to be Pangzi?

- I was wondering why no Pangzi in the movie. I guess 3/4 of the way through isn't too late to properly intro him 

 - Ahahaha, Wu Xie actually thinks his bluff was super successful when there's a plant golem behind him 

- Xiaoge to the rescue again XD

- lol @ both Pangzi and Wu Xie using Xiaoge's sword as a restraint 

- ...surprise A-Ning! I wasn't expecting her to actually come back 

- And she's somehow lost all of her guys

- That's a lot of snakes, but I'm more interested in where all the water is coming from and why you can see the sun behind those shelves 

- Given how deep under a mountain they're supposed to be 

- I do love competent, pretty girls wielding huge fuckoff guns

- This door mechanism is so intricate (like the key/timer). So ofc I'm sure they're going to destroy it all 

 - Because that's how tomb raiding movies go

- Introduce a tomb with intricate and complex mechanisms far in advance of anything else known to that time period and civilisation, and then destroy them in dramatic fight and escape scenes 

- OMG the floor is lava 

 - Of course there's lava as well

- Oh, and it seems it's now all open to the sky 

- Ig the lightning which could mysteriously exert high levels of force must have smashed through the mountain and very neatly cleared it all way so that this part of the tomb and only this part of the tomb is now open air

- Wang Zanghai wishes he could go this extra with tomb building 

- And now Xiaoge being super extra to get across the destroyed section of the bridge 

- So this dude is gonna wake up just before Xiaoge gets there, isn't he? 

- And we're going to get an epic swordfight between them

- At least, it better be an epic swordfight 

- Otherwise this buildup will be very disappointing 

- Ah, yes, good, there we go 

- And all the plant golems are also waking up 

- ...along with a shitton of snakes 

- OMG the snakes have arms 

- The snakes 

- have arms

- OMG Xiaoge's sword is doing what now? 

- That's almost as ridiculous as the snakes with arms 

- It's like a sword designed by a 13 year old weeaboo boy

"it's gonna be ancient, and super strong, and nothing will ever make it blunt" 

"okay, seems like a typical magic sword so far, that's fair" 

"and you can bend it at right angles" 

"...you can what"

"and when it's bent at right angles, you can make it spin really fast and still use it like a proper sword" 

"...it what"

- ...the Snake Empress is reforming in her armour as thousands of little vines all coming together 

- k 

- Sure 

- This may as well happen 

- And her armour has boobplate, because ofc it does 

- Oh, she ain’t happy that Xiaoge just killed her plant golem boyfriend

- Her aesthetics are hilarious 

- It's part Queen of the Damned, part Little Shop of Horrors 

- Okay, snake lady, your worms might change the world but honestly I think that lightning would be more effective if you could control it

- Sanshu and co just randomly walk in through another entrance 

- Oh, and there's the rest of A-Ning's team

- I want the story behind this A-Ning and her team. The way they all call her captain, and follow her without a second word, and are so genuinely happy to see her. This isn't just a throw-together team, or a team that Hendrix put together and put her in charge of. This is her team, and there's an obvious history between them

- And snake lady is suddenly not looking as pretty as she was, for no discernible reason 

- One minute she's jumping around, the next she's all pale and falling apart. At least her face is 

- It's like she's decomposing throughout the fight

- And here come the snakes with arms 

- They move just as slowly as the shibie in here do 

- They jump pretty fast, though 

- RIP the next member of Sanshu's team 

- Yeah, machine guns aren't that effective against regular snakes, let alone magic snakes

- And the plant golems are here 

- RIP more of Sanshu's team 

- Ah, the little snakes with arms are all grown up and off to conquer the world

- ...omfg Pangzi 

- And this time it's A-Ning to the rescue 

- I love how quickly Wu Xie and Pangzi fall into the dynamic of a pair of clowns, regardless of adaptation

- RIP Harry. You went out like a badass 

- Oh wow, both teams are having some fucking epic sacrificial deaths in this fight scene 

- I like 

- And more cute pingxie, this time in flashbacks 

- lol, clearing out plant golem conversion by pure force of will

- ...and channeling blood down the grooves in the sword blade apparently...makes it sharper? 

- At least, it couldn't cut through the vines before, and now it can 

- That's not how magnetic fields work

- Ahahaha, Wu Xie pulling out his flute 

- He's gonna pull that Pied Piper shit again, isn't he? 

- Here come the shibie, come to nom on plant-snake-lady flesh! 

- She's having just as much trouble with them as everyone else does

- Because it's a lovely day in the tomb, and they are horrible shibie 

- Wow, she hits hard, she knocked Xiaoge like halfway across the chasm 

- Good thing there was a random broken pillar there

- Are they getting obliterated? 

- Ah, no, they're getting sucked up by the wind 

- Shibie-nado! 

- You know, I kinda like how bad Wu Xie's English is compared to everyone else who's spoken English so far 

- It nicely demonstrates who speaks it a lot and who doesn't

- Aw, Wu Xie, you're always so optimistic when you're baby 

- And it actually worked. I'm impressed. 

- Oh wow, A-Ning, that's some character development right there, caring about right or wrong instead of money

- Nice Pangi & A-Ning dynamic in this movie, given how they usually hate each other 

- This is definitely the final level of a platform game 

- Hahah, the two teams now 

- Awwwwwwww 😭

 - I think this is the first time I've seen Wu Xie rescue Xiaoge rather than vice versa 

- "I regret not locking you in the truck myself" 

 - Sorry, Xiaoge, I don't think you'd actually have much more luck with that than Sanshu did 

- Xiaoge, you really should have been more careful there, you almost did low Wu Xie 

- Good thing A-Ning was close by!

- ....the sword...is being used...as a boomerang 

- wtaf 

- Hahahah, the snakes' death throes, omg 

- lol what even was that ending

Overall: This movie was just one long DMBJ PingXie AU crackfic, and the author didn't know how to end it so just...didn't write an actual ending. That's the only way I can explain it. 

[diegoh4rgreeves]

#SelfiesForCastaneda

Story Summary:  You’ve just finished watching The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. You follow the main cast on Twitter and get a Retweet from David Castaneda on your selfie! This prompts a conversation with you two. You hit it off and set a date.

Chapter: 1/1

Word Count: 2,420

Pairing: David Castaneda x Reader

Warnings: Anxious thoughts

It’s a rainy Friday night. Normally you’d go out with friends or go out to downtown Toronto. Because it was raining and you were exhausted from work though, you decided to veg out and finish watching the Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy. You were comfortable in your warm home, laid down on your plushy couch, with a fuzzy blanket covering you, and you were in your sweatpants and loose white t-shirt.

You forgot about this comfort once you were so stunned by the series finale of The Umbrella Academy. You could not wait for season 2. You also got attached to the characters and you loved Ellen Page and Robert Sheehan more than you already did before; back when you saw the movie Juno, and back when you watched the show Misfits. You thought Emmy Raver-Lampman was so pretty and seemingly sweet in real life. Your bisexual ass could not get over this. You hit the Follow button in Twitter for Ellen, Robert, and Emmy. The character Luther was your least favourite one, though you thought to get to know the actor for him, Tom Hopper, from interviews, and to Follow him on Twitter too. Justin H. Min was so handsome and so vulnerable as Ben. Aidan Gallagher was just a kid and did an amazing job playing an old man trapped in the body of a 12 year old. And last but not least, there was David Castaneda. He is the most handsome one to you. As Diego, he was so resentful. It didn’t make sense to you because all the siblings went through childhood trauma, from the same man who adopted them all. He was also spiteful towards a former lover, Detective Patch (who your gay ass also found attractive. That’s a story for another time). Still, there was something about Diego, or David, that made you feel good things.

You smile as you hit the Follow button on David. You have followed all the main cast of The Umbrella Academy, along with Mary J. Blige, who is just an icon. You also followed Gerard Way, who created the show and was the singer of the brilliant band My Chemical Romance.

You spend the rest of your evening lurking everyone you just followed. It feels good to be in love with something again.

As you lurk David and his Likes, you see a bunch of fan’s selfies he liked. Every selfie has the hashtag #SelfiesForCasataneda You’re intrigued by this. You wonder if he started this hashtag, or if some fans did. You are also pleased that he interacts with fans. He’s still at the level of fame where he can see fans in his notifications over being blinded by the plenty of Likes, Retweets, and Replies he gets.

This motivates you to get off the couch and to take a shower. As you take a shower, you think of an outfit idea for this selfie you’re thinking of posting. You’ll wear all black; the tight black turtleneck you bought a while ago and have worn plenty of times already, the baggy black jacket you’ve copped from your older sister, and black jeans. It was a Diego-esque outfit. You didn’t have to cosplay. You just always dress like this anyway, and you were the most confident in it.

After your shower, you slip into the outfit, put on some concealer, black winged eyeliner, and red lipstick. You snap some shots from the camera on your phone. You try out a bunch of angles. You scoff at some selfies and think there’s no way he’ll Like any of these. Well, he could, since he seemed like a support Liker to fans. You still wanted to dress to impress if he was going to actually see this selfie!

You beam up once you get another idea. You run to your kitchen to pick up 2 kitchen knives. You are aware of how funny this could look. You like to think that you’re a creative person, or so you decide to go the positive route of thinking.

You get the knives and put a self timer on from the camera of your phone. You criss-cross your arms, with a knife in each hand, and take the shot. Your phone took 3 shots, so there’s a chance of a good one. There is a good one indeed. Your face was lighted perfectly in this certain one. There was a glow. Your hair looked great too. You love the shape of your body as well.

You post the photo, and put in the hash tag, #SelfiesForCastaneda You press ‘Tweet’. At this point, you don’t care if no one would Like the selfie. You are just feelin’ your look!

Fortunately, you do get some Likes; a few were David Castaneda fan accounts, one from a supportive mutual, and a few others were from other fans of The Umbrella Academy. You Like everyone else’s most recent tweets and selfies back.

Then there is a Retweet. You beam up and think maybe it’s from one of the Likers. You view the Retweet and it’s from… @DavidCastanedaJ You think it’s another fan account, until you remember following this account earlier, and you notice the blue checkmark next to the username, which indicates that this is an official and verified celebrity account. Your heart is racing. What the fuck! you think. You check his account and think that maybe his support Liking evolved to support Retweeting. There is no other Retweet with the hashtag #SelfiesForCastaneda on his account though.

You leave your phone alone for 2 hours after your tweet gets more Likes and Retweets from other David fans. You even notice some haters in the thread. Luckily there are only a few haters. Everyone else says that your photo is bad-ass.

You’re not usually one for bragging. This is a very cool moment though, so you retweet David’s Retweet of your selfie, and you caption it with, 'Uhmmm… did David Castaneda just retweet my selfie!? Diego frickn Hargreeves!?“

You look at the time on your phone. It’s 1:30am! You’re usually a night owl. Somehow though, you were tired. You did sleep very little before you went to work, and you commuted in the rain. Being cozy and watching Netflix had to contribute to that tiredness as well. So, you snuggle up in your warm bed, which also has a fuzzy blanket, and sleep.

—

10:43am. You wake up naturally and pick up your phone which was laid on top of some pile of clothes you left on your floor beside your bed. You check your Instagram, Facebook, and Tumblr. Finally, you check your Twitter to check on the selfie. You also see an Inbox notification. You wonder who that could be from. People don’t normally message you on Twitter. You open the inbox and in the preview, it’s @DavidCastanedaJ ! You can’t believe it. What could he possibly have to say to you? Your heart is racing.

What if he says that the retweet was an accident? Would he have had to message you that though? He could have deleted the Retweet if it was an accident. You would have understood that he didn’t mean to Retweet one fan’s selfie randomly.

You take a deep breath before opening the message to quit your overthinking and your doubts.

@DavidCastanedaJ: It’s a good selfie. I had to retweet it.

After lurking his Twitter last night, you notice that he’s got a dry and sarcastic tone. You’re unsure of what to respond to him with, or if you should even respond. Well, of course you should respond. He felt compelled to say something to you personally instead of being funny and fishing for Likes. Well, that’s speaking for if he’s not being sarcastic.

You tap your chin and wonder if you should screenshot this to your close friends, especially your sister who got you to watch the show and dealt with you ogling over him. You shake your head out of this and think that it’s best to reply to him ASAP. He sent his text around 6am. You’re not sure why he sent it that early. He’s in Toronto, a city not too far from yours. He’s not shooting a show, as far as you knew. There isn’t even an announcement of a season 2 for The Umbrella Academy yet.

You quit your overthinking again, and decide to reply with this:

[@YourUsername]: A good selfie how? Like, in what sense?

You take another deep breath and chuck your phone on the spot next to you on your bed. You get up from the bed and decide to leave your phone alone and try to think of something productive to do on your day off. Before you can do that, your phone buzzes. You beam up, and rush back over to your bed, which you sit on your knees for.

Twitter Notification: Preview of @DavidCastanedaJ Inbox message

@DavidCastanedaJ: Idk

@DavidCastanedaJ: I like your Diego get-up, and you’re aesthically pleasing

Your heart is skipping beats. What does he mean by aesthetically pleasing!? Is he implying that you’re attractive? Are you even his type in looks? Do you resemble Detective Patch? Are actors attracted to the type of people who play their love interests? Well it was the only reference you have for this emerging and handsome actor.

You’re in your 20s, and he’s 29. You still have a baby face and wonder if he thinks you look younger than you actually are. Why would he retweet your selfie though?

[@YourUsername]: Aesthetically pleasing? This face?

You hold your phone and stare at the thread. Maybe he’s online if he replied to your last text just seconds after it. Much to your surprise, there’s a blue checkmark which indicates that he read it. Maybe he’s just thinking of what to say. Or maybe you’re a suggestive creep! Wait, how could you be if he was the one who retweeted your selfie!? God, you really had to quit that. Stop letting it get to your head!

The thread shows a new bubble, from him.

@DavidCastanedaJ: Haha

@DavidCastanedaJ: Yes, this face

@DavidCastanedaJ: It’s a great face. What’s your secret?

You are now blushing and still manage to type.

[@YourUsername]: I did sleep 9 hours last night. You know what they say about 9 hours of sleep.

@DavidCastanedaJ: Yeah, that’s lucky

You are easing into this now, though you are also wondering if you should be careful, or if you’re just dreaming and didn’t actually wake up earlier than you usually do.

[@YourUsername]: I’m guessing you don’t have that luxury?

@DavidCastanedaJ: Well, maybe now I can sleep that much

@DavidCastanedaJ: Back when we were shooting the Umbrella Academy though, I was a mess!

[@YourUsername]: You seem so healthy

[@YourUsername]: At least with that body, you do…

David seems to like that response. You spend Saturday afternoon texting each other, and it’s still surreal to you that this is happening, much less how you two seem so connected.

—

A few hours later.

@DavidCastanedaJ: So, you said you’re in Toronto, right?

[@YourUsername]: Well, I’m in a city *near* Toronto, about a half hour away

@DavidCastanedaJ: Oh I see

[@YourUsername]: I’m there often anyway. I mostly go see local bands, and take their photos

@DavidCastanedaJ: Right. I remember you saying that earlier

You’re unsure of how this conversation could last at this point. You take a chance with a one-word response anyway.

[@YourUsername]: Yep!

@DavidCastanedaJ: How would you feel about coming to Toronto tonight? I thought maybe we could have dinner, and I could show you real Diego Hargreeves gear…

Your heart is racing again! In fact, you think that you’re going to shit your pants. You decide to have some banter with him to cover up your fangirling.

[@YourUsername]: "Real Diego Hargreeves gear.”

[@YourUsername]: Is that a sexual innuendo?

@DavidCastanedaJ: It is if you want it to be ;)

[@YourUsername]: Omg

@DavidCastanedaJ: I realize that did sound pretty sketchy, so sorry about that

[@YourUsername]: No, it’s totally fine! I was just teasing :)

[@YourUsername]: I would love to come to downtown tonight! When are you free?

@DavidCastanedaJ: Well, seeing as I’ve been texting a very beautiful girl all afternoon, I’d say my schedule is pretty flexible

[@YourUsername]: Really? Are you sure that Gerard Way isn’t barking at you to get back on set for season 2 as we speak?

@DavidCastanedaJ: Ahahah yeah totally

@DavidCastanedaJ: I’d tell him to wait though. I should get to spend my free time with someone cool first

From there, you hash out the details for the plans; what time, and where to meet. You both also decide to get a drink at Brooklynn Bar. You’re not much of a drinker, though for a celebrity like him you made an exception.

You decide to wear “the Diego get-up”, this time you style your hair, wear darker red lipstick, the same black eyeliner, and you sling a small black cross-body bag over your shoulder.

David texts you with his name. Then he tells you to keep him posted on your whereabouts. You make your way to downtown and your meeting spot with him. You eye the area and look for him. You turn to some side, and you see him walking over. Your heart is skipping beats again, and you gasp.

He looks so handsome with his tan peacoat, black jeans, his gelled black hair, and beard and mustache.

He smiles knowingly and walks over to you. He gives you a hug.

You cannot believe that it is actually him. You realise in this moment that you could have been catfished. You weakly hug him back in your disbelief over this moment.

He pulls you in closer and you hug back tighter.

“Oh my God!” you exclaim.

He pulls out the hug and he looks over at you with a toothy smile on his face. “What?”

“It’s you. It’s really you! God, this is so embarrassing. I think that I’m actually starstruck.”

He chuckles. “This is gonna sound weird, but I thought I was being catfished.”

You give him a puzzled look, although you are so flattered. “I thought that I was an annoying type of fan you’re annoyed of attracting!”

“What!?” he laughs. “Okay, we haven’t even had a drink yet and we’re already confusing each other.”

You let out a laugh.

He gestures an arm to the entry door. “Shall we go in?”

“Yeah sure!”

He signals for you to walk in first, and so your date begins. Things can only get better from here.

[silver-greedling]

The View in Altissia

Prompto Argentum x Reader (aka the babiest boi) idk if trigger warnings are totally necessary, but brief mentions of blood, other than that, it's just long and i use italics a lot hng

"We're going sightseeing," the girl told her twin brother Noctis after he ignore her the first time. "You guys can come with, if you want."

Unbeknownst to her, Prompto gave the other guys a look, and they all inwardly sighed.

"I'm going to be working on a new recipe," Ignis informed them. "Perhaps another time, princess."

"I'll be asleep," Noctis added, rolling onto his side in the bed. "Count me out."

"And I'm gonna be helpin' Iggy," Gladio finished, standing from his spot. "Smell ya' later." He gave her a playful punch on the arm, and she smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I guess we'll be off, then," she said. "Bye! We'll be back before too long."

Her hand found Prompto's, and she gleefully pulled him out of the expensive hotel room, clambering down the stairs with him laughing and following closely. The city of Altissia was absolutely something to be amazed by, and she was. The way the water gleamed and how the sun seemed to shine even brighter off of the water. Not to mention the architecture was insane! It felt like an entirely different world from Lucis.

"Check this out!" the princess enthused, pulling something from mher backpack. She scrounged inside for a little map she had gotten when they entered the city. "This map has a bunch of good photo spots marked on it! We should check them out."

With a little smile, Prompto nodded in agreement, and they set off on their own little scavenger hunt. The map was a little confusing, but they managed to find most spots without too much of a hassle.

"Oh, you can see the entrance from here," Prompto gushed, picking up his camera and angling himself to get a perfect shot. With a moment's time, his camera went off, and he showed the photo to her. It was of the large, man-made path leading into the city, the same one that we had entered on.

"You're amazing at this," she told him. He pulled back and rubbed the back of his neck shyly.

"I don't know...uh, thank you," he muttered. His cheeks were a bit flush, but she paid it no mind.

"C'mon, it's getting late, and we still have a few spots!"

So they spent the rest of their day covering the rest of the city, taking what felt like a million pictures. At some points, the girl had snatched the photographer's camera and taken a few photos of her own, most of which had been cute candids of Prompto. She made sure to save her favorite pictures of him.

"It's really late," she sighed, glancing at the setting sun, "and we've covered all of the photo spots in the city. We should head back."

Prompto took her hand in his as she turned to step away. "I-I know one more place," he informed her. "This is actually a perfect time to go. Can we spare a little extra time?"

A smile made its home on her lips as she nodded. "Of course, lead the way."

He tightened his grip on her hand a little bit, before purposefully walking with her through the city. It almost seemed like he memorized the path, making quick turns and not once asking directions or using a map.

They found themselves walking up a long flight of stairs that the girl halfway recognized. "This...leads to the gondola for the stadium, right?"

"Yeah, it does," he affirmed. "I hear it's the tallest point in the city, which means it must be a great place to view the sunset, don't you think?"

"Sounds like it."

Once they reached the top, she verbally noted the absence of the gondola worker, and Prompto replied that the gondolas didn't run after a certain time of day. Satisfied with the answer, she took a seat at the little table, looking into the sunset. Prompto pulled a chair next to her, gazing into the distance.

After a few seconds, he reached for his camera, but she held her hand out. "Some things are better as just a memory," she smiled, looking over to him. "Photos are great, but nothing could ever beat living in the moment and remembering it, y'know?"

He set his camera down on the table, and she took his hand before it could move away. He seemed taken aback, but his fingers quickly wrapped around her own hand softly.

"Thank you for spending time with me today." Her thumb rubbed the back of his hand slowly. "It was super fun, and I'm glad, of all the guys, I got to go with you."

"Why me?" he blurted out, before his eyes went wide, as if realizing what he'd said. "I-I mean, you don't have to answer, I was just-"

His whole body seemed to freeze as she planted a kiss on his cheek. The only thing that changed was how his face went from a blush to being completely red, all the way to his ears and halfway down his neck. He gave her that same wide-eyed look as she moved away, but she saw the beginning of a smile starting to cross his face.

"Uh, princes? Not that I'm not grateful, but...what was that for?"

"You can be so oblivious, can't you?"

Before he could protest, she placed her hands on his burning cheeks, pressing her forehead against his.

"I don't know how you haven't noticed yet," she began as his hands came to rest on her knees, "but...I really like you, Prompto. You're such a sweet guy, and your smile is just the cutest thing. You go out of your way to protect me, and always make sure to check on me. How was I supposed to NOT fall for you?"

His eyes restlessly searched her face as she continued.

"I understand that...I mean...maybe it's just because I'm the princess, or that I'm your friends' sister. Maybe..." Her shoulders slumped a bit. "Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but I was just hoping you might like me, too."

Eyes downcast, she let her hands drop from his face, moving away. Before she could get far, his hands found hers, and her eyes snapped back up to his.

"I do like you!" he said loudly, before swallowing hard and biting his lip, looking for the words. "I really like you. It's not just that you're the princess, or that you're Noctis' sister. It's that fact that...you're you."

It was ger turn to sit and listen with a warm face as he rambled on. It was getting darker, but the light in his eyes was all she needed to see.

"You're absolutely beautiful, and you're kind, too! You laugh at my jokes like you mean it, take care of me when I'm hurt, and...and you do things like this!" He waved one of his hands a little. "You spent the entire day with me simply because you wanted to. No one coerced you, no one made you. You chose to spend time with me."

She let one of her hands return to his cheek. "I'll always choose you."

Like magnets, they gravitated toward each other, and they soon found their lips locked in a meaningful embrace. They were both complete amateurs, having never kissed people before, so it didn't get much farther than simply being lips touching lips, but it couldn't have felt more right. Somehow, someway, both of them just knew that everything in that moment was right.

When he moved back, his forehead rested against hers, both of them breathing a little heavy.

"Thank you," he said softly, putting a hand on the back of her head. His fingers threaded through her hair, and she found herself gravitating toward him again.

"You don't have to thank me," she spoke as she pulled away from a second kiss. "I don't deserve thanks for following my heart."

~~~

"Princess!" Gladio yelled into the disaster area that used to be Altissia. Water flew past from every direction, some of which landed on the prince and princess' three friends. "Hey, this is serious!"

The three shouted her name, searching every accessible place for the girl. Prompto's eyes started to water, but he wiped the tears away quickly, shaking his head.

"I gotta be strong," he muttered through gritted teeth. "I'll never be worthy unless I can be strong in times like this." With that and another shake of his head, he continued through the city, calling her name into every alley and building he passed.

It felt like ages he'd been searching, and he found himself unable to stop the tears, this time.

"This isn't a game!" he shouted without meaning to. "Please, we need you! I need you, princess!" The tears continued. "Just a few days ago, you said you wanted to be with me! I'm right here! Please!"

His legs felt weak, but he put a hand on a building next to him, just in time for a tremor to shake the ground. He was able to keep himself steady until it passed, and he pushed onward through the city.

A look of desperation had settled on his face as his head whipped at every corner, shouting the name of the girl he knew he loved.

He couldn't hold back a sob when he saw a familiar mop of hair making her way down one of the streets. Prompto all but threw himself at the princess, arms wrapped around her shoulders and holding her tight.

"Prompto," she said softly, sounding weak and strained. He moved back to see her holding her arm, which had a huge gash covering it. Blood was practically pouring from the wound. "I-I can't move my arm. I don't know if..." Her shoulders started shaking, and the blond man put a hand on her cheek, feeling the wetness of both tears and the water that whipped around them both. "There was stuff flying everywhere with the water, and I was trying to lead people away, and...and I saw something going for one of the kids, so I grabbed him to protect him and-" She was cut off by her own pained cry.

Prompto put his hand on her good shoulder. "We have to get you out of here," he said, shedding his own tears for the injured girl. "I...I can't do anything for you, here. We should regroup with the others, can you manage it?"

There was certain softness in his voice, along with what seemed like absolute assuredness that she would be okay. The tears in the princess' eyes slowed as she shook her head. "I lost a lot of blood," she admitted. "I don't know how long it is before I pass out or something..."

Her love nodded quickly, before he moved to gently scoop hed into his arms from her god side. She cradled her injured arm, which caused Prompto's heart to drop each time his eyes crossed over it.

"Thanks for finding me," she said quietly, and Prompto almost lost the sound in the wind and debris.

"I don't deserve thanks for following my heart," he recited. The princess sniffed as he stopped by a clear alley, where the wind didn't quite reach. At least, it didn't reach yet.

"I love you," the blond man admitted aloud. "I've loved you from the moment you opened up to me. From the very second you told me everything, I have loved you."

The girl in his arms seemed to relax at his words, her face gently pushing into his neck as she curled in his arms. "I love you, too," she added, and Prompto hoped she didn't hear his heart explode. "I love you so much, Prompto."

He placed a light kiss on her cheek, before glancing back into the streets. "Let's get you somewhere safe."

~~~

She woke up in an unrecognizable hotel room and immediately feared the worst. Had she been kidnapped? Was her brother okay? What about Gladio and Ignis? And Prompto, did he make it out?

Her fears were somewhat set at ease as a familiar body walked toward her from the corner of the room.

"You're awake," Prompto noted, happiness blatant in his voice. "Don't move too much; you've got stitches."

With a glance down at her own arm, she confirmed his words. Her wound had already mostly closed thanks to the stitches, but she still felt uneasy and uncomfortable looking at it. It almost reminded her of the pain she had originally felt.

"Is everyone okay?" the princess asked softly, and her lover's heart broke when her voice cracked.

"Everyone made it out, but..." Prompto sighed, sitting on her bed gently. She moved to be closer, and he helped her to sit up, leaning against him for support. "Noctis isn't awake yet, and Iggy...we think he might have lost his eyesight."

A few tears left her eyes, but the boy was quick to wipe them away. "It's my fault," she whispered. "If I hadn't made you guys come searching for me, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. I'm so sorry." Her crying worsened.

"Don't say that!" The surprise and almost bitterness in his tone shocked the girl, but she remained silent. "You were out there trying to help other people get out safely. Without you, they might not have made it out." His hands rested on her face. "Don't say you're sorry for helping other people. You saved lives, princess."

It was silent for a moment, the only sound being the little sniffs that occassionally left the crying girl.

"Are you okay, Prompto?" she asked a second later. "How are you doing?"

"I'm alright," he said, and the princess shook her head. "What?"

"Be honest," she demanded softly, eyes meeting his with a glare that almost scared him. He sighed.

"I was just...really worried about you is all. I was scared that you wouldn't wake up, or that I wouldn't get you to safety in time, if at all." A soft smile came to him. "But seeing you up and talking makes me feel so much better. I'm happy you're okay."

He placed a light kiss on her lips, before gently laying her back down. "You need to rest. You'll heal better with time and sleep, so you should."

"Stay with me," she said, but it almost sounded like a question. "Don't go."

Prompto thought he might just die looking at the nearly helpless look that she gave him. He found himself incapable of telling her no, which is how he also found himself lying in bed with her, an arm wrapped around her as she laid her head on his chest.

The two didn't care that it was midday, nor did they care when a certain buff friend of theirs came in to check, only to find them passed out next to each other. He outwardly rolled his eyes, but, inside, he silently thanked the Six that someone was able to be at peace after what happened.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

12:19am.

Good morning to those of you who are just waking up right now.

Monday, April 6th of 2020.

Feeling a little off tonight.

I guess just reflecting on things with my ex earlier had me feeling a certain way.

Just remembered that time we listened to Shes a Big Boy in his livingroom, with him laying ontop of me on his couch.

I think this was the song I listened to a lot when we first broke up, too. It was a nice ambiance, with the rainstorms that winter and everything.

It's grooving, sexy, and also a little somber as well.

A nice, slow vibe for a nice easygoing night, relaxing, letting go of some inhibitions with some wine or something nice, like.... chili cheese fries. God, I miss those. Those were delicious.

.....

Thinking about the baby photos of him in his livingroom too.

He was a weird looking preteen. Its odd, seeing the photos of him with a bowl cut.... I don't know how to describe the creepy expression he makes in his youth photos, but..... its just creepy.

He and his brother turned out attractive as hell, so whatever. Its just kinda funny, knowing that Patrick had a bit of an ugly duckling phase. His isn't as bad as my puberty was, but compared to the photo of him taken at 19.... All I could do was wonder, "How the fuck did you go from this to this?"

He really grew into his jawline and found flattering angles for him, I guess, but its a shocker. (His brother also was funny looking with a teeth gap, bowl cut, and very beady far apart eyes..... then he still turned out hot. They sure the fuck know how to turn lemons into lemonade, dont they?)

This isn't relevant to the thoughts I've been having tonight, but, its still worth mentioning. Wanted to get both of those facts off my chest for awhile now. (That Patrick was a funny looking child, the type that would get pushed into swimming pools, or one would steal pokemon cards from; and that his brother was hot as hell. Not like I'd hit on his brother, just saying....)

Also, I should unfollow his brother..... someday?

Whatever.

And his baby pictures, he was an oddly adorable child. I don't know, something kinda adorable about seeing the pale, big forehead, squinty eyed man you've come to adore, in his squinty eyed, plush cheeked baby phase.

It's trippy. It's always weird, seeing how someone looked as a baby, and grew up... Patrick looks the same, just like, adult mode. He went from cute lil baby taking adorable photos with his mom with an adorable grin, to a goddamned hippie that has an adorable grin and super stupid fucking lack of skills in the relationship department--

Anyways.

Whatever.

Cute baby.

And, idk, seeing baby photos of the guy I like does make my thoughts race a little. (A LITTLE, as in as slow as a car being pushed by three toddlers on low fucking gas.)

Like, "Oh, so thats how he looked as a baby.... I was a cute baby too.... If we collabed on a kid, then, what would it look like?"

It's not me actually considering a baby at 19, just a childish daydream. But, its not out of the question either, to wonder what a situation would be like in the instance that a guy you're monogamously seeing might one day have a slip with a condom, or might not pull out fast enough, you know? (Thank god he only wore condoms, he already nutted too damn fast with those...)

Even with Other Patrick, it came up the first time we had sex. There was a small incident, and so to resolve the small incident, a very small morning after pill had to be taken. He was more emotional about it than me, but he was very mature and considerate about it as well, to make sure I wasn't going to feel any guilt over it.

And we talked about it. If the hypothetical did happen. He mentioned leaning towards an abortion, and when I said "Oh hell yeah, most definitely", (since I wasn't gonna throw away my career and hourglass figure away for nothing,) he snugly sidled up against me and said "Yeaaaaaah, cause yknow, I ain't tryna have no kids anytime soon. I'm not quite ready to be a dad yet, hehe."

Then he was pretty taken aback to hear me say that if I was going to raise a child, I'd probably prefer to be a single mother than to have a guy around.

(I've grown out of this mindset, but hey, pick your jaw up off of the floor and listen.)

He sat up and asked why, clearly never hearing a girl say she'd want to raise a child on her own BY CHOICE. I basically said that I'd be too annoyed at the idea of any excess bullshit from a man I'm not married to, (baby mama drama, side chicks, abandonment, abuse, a lack of financial stability, a potential stepmother that could hurt my damn child,) and more... and that I'd much rather be the one to raise me and my kid to a level of safety and security in the world, since I'd trust myself most than any random guy I'd hook up with.

He was kinda accepting of it, but still let me know, "Well, if I ever did have a kid with a woman, then.... *nothing* could ever physically stop me from being with my child", putting his head against my neck and his arms around my waist in the bed.

......

Sweet guy.

Patrick #2 had a similar opinion. That even if I was pregnant, then I should at least give the man room to support the kid, especially financially, since it's the man's duty to take care of his kid. (I appreciate both of their maturity about it.)

Child support is fine, but if the father of my kid is dangerous, or would make my kid vulnerable, no way in hell would they be around them. (But otherwise, yeah, ideally I'd wanna be married first.... or not have kids for a very very very very long time.)

......

Anyway.

Patrick #1, I recall, was always a bit on edge. I don't know what he was so nervous for; I'm much too.... *not of fully sound mind* to have a child, and barely ate enough back then as is. He was BOLD to assume I'd want his children. (That soon, at least...)

I literally remember his mom showing me his baby photos, (seeing a 6 ft tall athletic ass man with abs of steel and biceps that could crush melons, back when he had chubby cheeks and plump little hands, is.... adorable,) and when I aaaawwwwed, and commented on how cute his baby photos were... Nigga must've had a Thats So Raven style flashback, since he just paused and said, "Can we focus on something else please?"

And a few other moments of asking his mom pregnancy related questions. (NOT FOR ME! WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HER FAMILY!)

I naively asked, "What would you say was the most challenging thing about childbirth for you?", when she brought up raising her sons as young boys and the surgery and all that.

And he gave me such a look across the kitchen, incredulously....

It was either:

1) why the fuck you wanna know?

2) tamia, did you forget that my mom had a miscarriage before?

It was both, but his mom was completely calm about it... I apologized profusely for even asking something like that and forgetting her past, and she accepted it.

Theeeeen when she eventually finished the breakfast gossiping and left to her room, Patrick got on my case, all paranoid I was gonna want to bear his kids??????? "What a straaaaange question you asked my MOM about there.... not like you'd be needing to know any questions for that now, though, hmmm?"

Moral of the story: don't have raw sex with girls who aren't on birth control, if you're gonna be paranoid every time she says a baby photo is cute, or talks to your mom about your childhood.....

Yikes.

But... I do wonder sometimes.

I'm pretty good at picking guys. I pick the smart and empathetic ones, or at least the logical ones who have a little bit of soul inside of them. I pick the type of guys to pay for a Plan B and that would discuss a gameplan for a pregnancy, not the types that would disrespect me, then dip if I ever had gotten pregnant. (Even if a nigga tried, the courts would GET HIS ASS, ASAP.)

I guess its just... yknow, one never knows where relationships lead. My most serious relationships came from guys I thought weren't gonna last. The relationships that started with high hopes ended with low notes. One cant predict things.

I've read so many stories about how one fling or text or accident lead to them meeting "the love of their life", or them being friends, and then a short fling, before suddenly the fling goes on longer than one would have thought.....

Then next thing you know, they simply continue.

And then oh look, the guy you meet at an ice cream shop ends up becoming your millionaire hunk husband that you raise five kids thirteen dogs and two kids with and live on your luxury yacht, traveling all of Europe.

(Once again, a daydream.)

Or how short term relationships resulted in marriages, or co-parenting, or super cute kids that turn out to be pyromaniacs and torment everyone in your local housing community. (Awww, imagine if they had MY eyes! Awww, beautiful!)

.....

Just kinda sad, yet wholesome too.

Having a crush and doing the typical "what if we... ended up serious... and we had kids... and had a life together years from now? haha just kidding haha...... unless? ;)" thought process to myself is nice.

And it only gets sad post breakup, when you have to mentally rip up any embarrassing daydream about a fuckboyish asshole being the hypothetical "someone" you'd spend the rest of your life with, some day.

So alas, sadly, I will not be having my ideal future with the last nigga I dated. As cute as a daydream as it was, it just couldn't be a reality due to the way things had gone down with him.

And alas, Patrick #1 isn't gonna be the hot husband with a 7/8 inch schlong to pipe me down on the beaches of Hawaii and Italy someday. (Does Italy even have beaches, though?)

Its a little sad knowing how many times I've had the highest of hopes and fantasies with someone, just for things to end at the mildest inconvenience due to them not seeing any of the same potential or actual respect inside of the relationship as me....

But whatever.

1:13am. I'll have my ideal suburban or beautiful Parasite style life with a daughter of my own someday, in a beautiful environment.

Whether or not the guy I crush on and idealize that fantasy with is around or not.... even if he leaves, my ideal family and life stays.

So, I see why I wanted to be a single mother.

I'd rather work for a comfortable and beautiful life with a girl of my own to raise to her full potentiall, (or boy/nonbinary, if that happens, lol,) than to think anyone else could get that for me.

I can always just get a sperm donor.

Plus, if I did have a kid or get married, you think I'd need their toxic ass around, near me and my child, ruining my life with them?

Hell the fuck naw.

Manifesting a beautiful life for myself as we currently speak.

Gonna go to sleep. Peace out.