#yeah im crying about old fictional men. so what. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

delicrieux · 4 years ago

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☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand)

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist. ҉ myso masterlist ҉ previous. ҉ next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it.

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge.

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too.

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view.

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”.

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute.

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets.

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance.

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?”

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over.

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae.

looking hot, her message read.

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse social media au #corpse husband fanfic #social media au #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fic #reader #xreader #imagine #imagines #myso #make you say oh

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7fckingidiots · 4 years ago

Note

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 4 years ago

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*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍��tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

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piratemadi · 4 years ago

Note

please make your critical post of supernatural those are literally the only posts about supernatural i care about, especially since i side eye the heck out of the many people who give supernatural a pass because they ship two boring white dudes (dean and castiel) PLEASE

omg ok nobody make fun of me for posting an earnest criticism of this show i enjoy critical analysis and being a hater

i think most of why this show sucks has already been covered pretty thoroughly but these r the main things abt it that piss ME off.

the racism runs so SO deep. supernatural is supposed to be an exploration of americana thru horror (and i’ll give them that. like the idea of deconstructing america and all its fallacies thru horror is genius and in competent hands it would be absolutely incredible. but anyway) but it only really scrapes the surface of what is inherently horrific about americana! something like that is supposed to be an INTERROGATION of monstrosity and how america (and western society more broadly) creates monsters out of human beings and how white christian morals are established as the ONLY acceptable morals and how anyone who falls outside of those norms (non christian, non white, lgbt, people with substance use disorders, prisoners, the poor, indigenous people/cultures etc) are monsterized, so to speak, because of an oppressive and unloving colonial society. like u cannot have a horror narrative abt monsters attacking family values and white suburban life without invoking some very old and racist conventions! but instead of subverting that supernatural just reinforces it! it consistently fails to make any kind of real statement because the most demonized parts of society are the people who are also treated the WORST in canon! native american beliefs are stolen and turned into stupid bogeymen without the show ever featuring a native character or seriously grappling with the inherent violence of america as a colonial state, black men are consistently portrayed as angry and evil while black women are treated like shit (dean’s happy ending at the end of s5 is with a white woman he fucked one time instead of with the black woman who he was in love with??), impoverished people are mostly ignored and when they’re not theyre monsters (theres one episode centered around a poor rural family that commits murder and cannibalism. no supernatural stuff or monsters. just poor people. thats the scare).

theres this consistent fixation on preserving american suburbia, on saving “normal” (read: white middle class) people and it sets up this dynamic of like. the “real world” is the white middle class and then there’s hunters including our mains who defend that “real world” against monsters and demons, which is just Everything Else. and the writers PRETEND to struggle w the question of monsters and what makes one but they just toss it around without ever actually committing to answering that question with compassion or narrative coherency. they have multiple episodes about characters who were raised human, who want to be human, but have to be killed because of an inherent evil nature. there’s a plot in the early seasons about how one of the main characters has demonic powers, and instead of saying that doesnt make him inherently bad and he’s allowed to fully access all parts of himself without being fundamentally evil, they consistently frame intrinsically neutral traits as inherently evil specifically because they go against a christian ideal of morality! and eventually he learns to suppress these powers and that’s that!

and then it establishes christianity as the guiding principle of america, not in a way of like “american culture and history is deeply steeped in white supremacist protestantism that has led to incredibly fucked up views on god and love and morality and thats what we have to deal with as people who live here”, but in a way of like “the christian god is real and he’s a white guy who fucking hates you.” which like. Ok. they bastardize and trivialize any religions that arent christian while building the entire series on christianity. Ok. like i guess its possible to write stories about white christianity without implying that every other religion is full of shit but supernatural did not do that on any level

its also just. really poorly written. i genuinely loved the first season i thought it was really well paced and that the characters were introduced really well like the first season is a GOOD horror story in terms of family as horror and the inherent terror of americana. but the pacing and the character development started tripping up in s2. by s3 they started raising the stakes Exponentially which honestly is such a kiss of death for good fiction like every season mounting a bigger badder antagonist than the last one is the surest way to kill a story bc it means the earlier entries in that story become basically meaningless in the face of the new bad guy. u dont need to raise the stakes to write a good story! a well written story abt the horror and drama of a close knit and unhealthy family caught up in something they don’t really understand isn’t Less emotionally resonant than, like, having to stop the world from ending, because at the end of the day its Fiction and none of it matters beyond what u can make the audience really Feel. im not gonna feel sorrow if 7 billion fake little people die. i didnt cry when the death star blew up whatever planet it blew up. what DOES make me feel sorrow is a few truly well written characters whose relationships are complicated and tragic and whose motivations i can understand and whose inner lives i can imagine. raising the stakes destroys a good story and thats exactly what happened to supernatural (not that the racism and misogyny and american protestant moralizing wasn’t killing it already)

also, the misogyny makes the female characters basically impossible to watch. like not a single person on that show is a good actor (except sterling k brown love u king u were the best actor that show ever saw) but they didnt even give any of the women anything to work with. its literally so cringey to watch any woman onscreen except maybe like. bela talbot and she was treated like utter shit.

god. you know that expression dont fall in love with potential? i dont do that w people i do it w fiction. i came off black sails and the untamed and frankenstein and i watched the first couple seasons of supernatural with my friend and it was like...there was so much room for it to SAY something about monsters and how society creates them thru violence and how deeply horrific american protestantism is. like theres so many questions and concepts that it brought up that it never actually SAID something about. shithole of wasted potential. and yeah dean and castiel is stupid there i said it

#again i KNOWW everybody knows it sucks and doesnt care #im a hater!#asks

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yoongiiggles · 6 years ago

Text

Happy For You, Happy For Us | Part 1

Type: Series

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized Reader

Summary: You have been in love with Dean for as long as you have known him. Wanting to be more than friends with him, you pour out your heart to him in a confession to which he turns you down immediately saying that he has been in a long term secret relationship with a girl named Lisa. Not wanting to damage your friendship even further, you suppress your feelings for him and support his relationship. But when they get married, you become heart broken and leave your life behind to start anew.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings:

A/N: Having all these ideas for writing my own fan-fiction and searching songs that would match the story is making me think about my love life and Im miserable lol. I relate to this song so much, as I’ve invested so much of my time on this guy and he decides that a long distance relationship is not worth it (he moved to another state for college). And the last words he said to me and how easy it was for him to say “it’s for the best” leaves me confused and bitter. But I guess we all are not allowed a happy ending I guess. Anyway, hope you enjoy this series!

Song: Saved - Khalid

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || Part 10 || Part 11 || Part 12 || Part 13 || Part 14 || End

God. You love him. For as long as you have known the Dean Winchester, you were in love. But did he know? Of course not. You were more likely viewed as a sister figure in the Winchester’s life. The same way you see Sam Winchester as your little brother. But as for Dean, you feel nothing but pure love. Although some say to just go for it and tell him you love him (as Sam would say), it wasn’t easy for you to just do exactly that. Being his friend before any of your feelings developed to love, you have watched his consistent habit of bringing a woman back to the motel for a one night of pleasurable fun and even sometimes going for another day and even going as far as getting their number and calling them whenever he needed a release of some sort. But lately, this habit of his has seemed to stop for a while.

“Got it! I just figured it out, it’s an old witch using traditional witch craft to lure her victims in thinking she can grant them any wish they want”

“Seriously Sam? You couldn’t wait until we finished eating huh?” Dean mumbles as he chews loudly on his burger.

“Seriously guys? You can’t discuss this without food in your mouth?” You chuckle as you throw away your empty bag that was once full of french fries and a burger. As you begin to sit down on the couch, Dean perfectly throws a piece of wrapper in your face. “Hey watch it Dean-o! You need this pretty face to lure in the enemies!”. He ignores you pleas and begins his second burger of goodness.

“She’s right. This witch only seems to attract female victims. Nothing particular about them, just the fact that their a female. And most of these cases of missing females disappear at every fancy party held by the mayor. And lucky us, there’s one two days from now and if we leave by dawn we’ll be able to be there one day before the party starts. So eat up and gear up. I’ve got our outfits prepared and...” Sam continues to ramble as he types at rapid speed on his laptop, “we’re on the guest list.” Just as Sam finishes his sentence, Dean throws another burger wrapper his way. “Ugh! Seriously Dean”, You and Dean laughing hysterically.

“Just tell him. Dean Winchester might be a lady’s man but I know him enough to know that he won’t hurt you intentionally. Besides, he cares about you too much to hurt you”.

“Easy for you to say Sammy. You’ve never been in this position. Besides look at him and God! look at her! How can I compete with that!?”.

“Ouch!” It wasn’t the first time Sam has hit you in the back of your head. “Seriously (y/n), he’s not even doing anything. And can’t you see her struggling for his attention?” And it’s true, strangely enough. Dean hasn’t paid her any attention since he’s been at the bar, grabbing you and Sam another round of beer. And now that you’ve thought about it, every time you guys came at the bar after every hunt, he hasn’t taken a single woman back to the motel, choosing to down a couple beers and play a game of pool.

“Yeah you’re right... I wonder why that is...” Even though he hasn’t paid her any attention, it still makes you insecure. Knowing that these were the types of females he goes after-- skinny, blonde, gorgeous, and tall. Looking down at your fingers resting on your chubby legs you don’t notice Sam giving you a sad look.

Sam groans inwardly, frustrated that you don’t see what he sees. Dean’s glances and lingering touches. But how could you? Just as much as you know them both, he knows all too well of your insecurities. Curtesy of your drunken nights at the bar while Dean is away with another woman, you have nothing but Sam at your side, listening endlessly of your rants about the things you don’t like about yourself and how Dean will never notice you in the way you have noticed him because of how you look.

Groaning, you place your head on the table “Ugh... Why couldn’t I have fallen for you instead?”. Again, missing the sad look Sam gives you.

“Well, Good Morning to you sweetheart”. Damn Dean and his choice of words. You groan, lifting your head from the window, “Are we almost there?”.

“Not quite. It’s taking us longer than I thought. We’re gonna head to a dinner just a couple minutes away from where we are, you good with that?”. Sam says looking back at you. You say nothing and nod, placing your head back on the window. It’s a nice scene for once, green trees and blue skies, a complete different contrast to the dream that you just woke up from.

And just as Sam says, the diner appears in your line of sight just after 5 minutes. And just like any diner you’ve been to, it has that classic retro vibe like the one they had in the olden days. Climbing out of the impala, you notice Dean constantly checking his phone screen from his pocket. Thinking nothing of it, you follow after Sam entering the diner, deciding to pick a booth by the window. As you sit down, you notice Dean through the window on the phone against the impala, a wide smile gracing his facial features. “Wonder who he’s talking to...”.

Sam too, after ordering food for the three of you guys, looks out the window and says, “Probably Bobby Singer. Heard that he’s getting married to this chick called Jane”. You look at him in disbelief, “Seriously? You knew and didn’t tell me anything about it!?”. He shrugs nonchalantly, “totally forgot about it”. You roll your eyes and notice Dean and his suppose phone call with Bobby is over, walking over to the two of you guys. And as always, Dean sits by you.

“Im gonna head to the restroom”. You watch as Sam leaves to the restroom and wait until he’s inside, you finally turn to dean, “Who was that? Bobby Singer? I can’t believe you and Sammy knew he was getting married and didn’t bother telling me about it!” you exclaim, hitting his shoulder blades.

He looks at you, with what you think would be mild uncomfortableness, “Uh yeah, forgot to tell you about that...sorry...” he quickly looks away from you and gets up to the bakery side of the Dinner to order a cherry pie. Suspicious and knowing that there’s probably more to that phone call, you put it in the back of your mind as your food arrives.

“Sammy are you crazy!? Im not wearing this!” you cry out. There is no way your wearing this dress. Your chubby arms are in view and just looking at the slit of the dress resulting in your legs in view for anyone to see makes you sick. Your not used to wearing these types of clothes. Of course you’ve worn dresses for hunts like these, but you wore dresses of your choice that concealed your whole body. And knowing Sam picked out this dress for you AND knowing your insecurities, you cry out of frustration.

Sam is shocked to say the least. You were so beautiful, the dress hugging your curves in all the right places. So just as you are frustrated, he’s also frustrated. But seeing those tears run down your face, his frustration fades and a wave of sadness hits him, “Hey now, why are you crying?” with no response from you, he cups your face “You are so beautiful (y/n). I picked this dress out because the color compliments your skin tone, it brings out the colors in your eyes, and...” you don’t notice it but his voice shakes, “I knew this dress would look absolutely amazing with your gorgeous body...” Sniffling loudly and still frustrated, you don’t catch his last sentence and finally look at him “what?”.

Releasing his hold on your face he lets go and coughs “Nothing. Look, we have don’t have much time to waste, the party is gonna start in two hours and we have an hour drive to the hotel”. You nod silently, deciding to put your heels on and again not noticing the lingering stares of Sam.

Dean walks in and Sam quickly turns away, facing Dean “Are you guys ready? Wow...” Putting your last pair of heels, you don’t notice the silence in the room and two men staring at you, too caught up in your self-discrimination. With the strap hugging your ankle, you turn around “Im ready” and begin walking towards the door to the impala, again not noticing their eyes following you. As Dean finally register that your standing by the impala he leaves the room. But Sam just stays behind and shakes his head. Dense she is this woman. If you would just stop and look at them, you’d see how beautiful you are to the both of them.

You’re blown away. You’ve never seen anything like this before, it was like you were in another world, a fantasy world. Immediately, you feel silly about your reaction on your dress, as you look around, you feel under dressed. But no time to linger on those thoughts, as you hear your ear piece pick up with Sam’s voice and Dean’s arm around your waist tightens. “She’s there somewhere. Not sure of her appearance or age, but based on most witch cases, she should be able to stand out from the crowd”. You nod unknowingly and allow Dean to lead you to the bar.

Standing closely to you, you hold your breath as Dean leans down to whisper in your ear, “Notice anything suspicious about any woman?” You shake your head softly and whisper back, “No, but Sammy said that any woman that stands out from the crowd could be her”. He nods back at you and as planned, he leaves your side to get a couple dance with a few women, on the look out for any that stands out. You release your breath as you watch him lead a woman to the dance floor with a wide grin on his face.

“Easy (y/n/n), try grabbing a drink from the bar and act like your looking for a potential dance partner”. You release another shaky breath and order a drink. As soon as you have your drink in your hands, you have no time to look around in the crowd as a man approaches you with a flirtatious smile, “Hello love, name’s Brian, and you are?” you take a minute to study him, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes staring back at you, and a golden suit you’ve never seen a man wear before. it really does seem like you’re in another world. You shake his hand firmly, “Daisy”. You quickly glance back to the dance floor and notice that Dean is nowhere to be seen. “Beautiful name for a gorgeous dame like you” in your ear piece, you can hear Sam scoffing. Alarmed at Dean’s disappearance, you nod a thank you and excuse yourself. But you don’t get far away from him as he is in front of you offering a dance. Thinking of it as a way to look around in the dance floor more closely, you accept.

“I’ve never seen someone like you here before. Whose family name are you from?” Completely. Different. World”. Another quick glance over his shoulder and you see her. She’s talking to an elderly man and Dean still nowhere to be seen. where the hell is he? You look back at him, “Im from no family name. I just happen to know the mayor”. The look he gives you impales you. You’re not sure if you should be intimidated or flustered at the intense look he gives you. But before you can even think about it, a hand taps your shoulder and relief floods you as you recognize Dean’s cologne, “May I?” The guy takes one final look at you and then Dean and kisses your hand and leaves. You watch him walk away towards the witch not realizing how close Dean is holding you.

You finally look back at him and realize he said something to you. “What?” He spins you around and brings you back close, whispering lowly in your ear and again, your breath hitches in your throat, “I said did you see her? The guy that was just with you came with her, i’ve noticed.” You look back at her, talking to “Brian”. You nod gently to him, “how do you know they came together?”. They’re walking to another room, a female following closely behind. “I was at the entrance and saw them both come in, holding hands. You think there’s two of them?” They’ve just entered the other ballroom. “Dean we gotta go, a girl is following them to another ballroom”. With quick actions and Sam confirming that there is indeed two witches, you finish the job quickly and stealthy.

“Good job guys. Im leaving the motel now, where are you guys?” Dean looks back at you, “It’s cool Sammy, we’ll walk. (y/n) insist that we do. sides’ its snowing and you know girls and snow” you can hear Sam laughing from the phone, “yeah don’t worry “Dad”. Okay okay bye”. As you stare up at the sky dripping down snow, Dean begins to mumble something, not hearing him clearly, “What?” He looks away rubbing his neck, “I said you look...” he looks back at you “...beautiful”. Your heart rate picks up. But before you can something his phone starts to ring. He excuses himself from your stare and leaves you breathless. You begin to think back on what Sam said,

“Just tell him. Dean Winchester might be a lady’s man but I know him enough to know that he won’t hurt you intentionally. Besides, he cares about you too much to hurt you”.

“Yeah okay... Bye”

You look at his back, concern radiating from your voice, “Everything okay?” He turns back at you with a smile in his face, “Yeah. Everything is great.” He walks back at you and you stare at him, with your palms shaking and sweating, your heart racing, and throat growing dry you finally say,

“I have something to say”

Dean chuckles at you, “You first”

Releasing a shaky breath, you stare at him intensely and say “I don’t know how to say this but...”

“...But??”

“I-i-i love you”

“I love you too”

You shake your head frustrated, “No, I mean... Im in...” you exhale another shaky breath, “Im in love with you, Dean Winchester”.

Part 1 (you are here) || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || Part 10 || Part 11 || Part 12 || Part 13 || Part 14 || End

#dean winchester #SPN #supernatural #spn imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x plus size reader #dean winchester x plus sized reader #reader #reader imagine #reader insert #plus size #plus size reader #plus-size reader smut #plus size reader smut #fluff #angst #smut

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neo-shitty · 3 years ago

Note

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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the0ther-side0f-dawn · 8 years ago

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Songs that made me cry the firs time i heard them as a baby 13 year old.

I remember listening to it, and it used to make me feel powerful. Now, i listen to it, and it feels empty, like lies. I have heard the contrary too many times. Seen the contrary too many times. Seen people over and over again endorse the contrary too many times.

Also i have grown tired of the message, “noone can love you until you love yourself.”

and lately i have been seeing “you canot love yourself, until you have been shown what love is”

and i want to believe the latter is true. i want to believe that this emptiness i feel is not the result of my own failure to appreciate myself. because appreciating myself is possible the hardest thing anyone could ask me to do. not because i dont deserve to be appreciated, tho sometimes i do doubt this, but because it is really hard to love yourself, when those are your imperfections and your insecurities and all those things you have to see everyday and you have to hear the world talk about like you should be ashamed of them. overtime, when you hear the words “fat” or “ugly” or “undesirable” its your reflection that comes to mind, and not some other image like vernon dursley or donald trump or ugly betty. its not a public or fictional image, but it’s you. which is so deeply personal, and you cannot detach yourself from it.

and the media doesnt help. do you know how many fat characters there are? you go to a con, and find all the fat people, and figure out who’ll they’ll be dressed as. personally, on like a universal level i dont particularly care about men, so i dont know what characters there are in that department, but for women. It’s Ursula. Are there are other characters? maybe. i only ever see Ursula. I was watching the show the other day, and there was a character she was fat, and she was a good friend, and kind person, and she was quiet. i saw myself. and then, yknow what? the longer the story progressed it turns out she was one of the bad guys. So hey, maybe we could stop villifying fat people, that would be nice? i looked up ‘fat cosplay’ images, and on the first page, only 4 of them were canonically fat characters, and most the images there were people making fun of fat people. the canon ones: Ursula. Hulk. Garnet (from Steven Universe). Jade? or is it Jane?- i get those 2 mixed up- (from Homstuck, end even then, HS character’s size is largely up to interpretation, which is great, but im not sure it’s canon, because the way the kids and trolls are portrayed is certainly smaller than a lot of the villains such as the black king, certain members of the felt, lord english & more), but there’s a problem there

and you look to advertisements? p much always skinny women

plus size models? maybe an AUsize 14?if you’re lucky.

plus size clothes in stores? hard to find, and inconsistant. do you know how hard it is to buy bras for example? now when i was 12 i was a 16c, now an 18c. but most stores wont carry 18 in their normal range and you have to go to plus size, and what happens when its plus size? well they start at c-cup but they make the cups waay bigger? why? because they have no idea how larger women’s bodies work.

weight loss? ahaha yeah. my depression is laughing at you.

i mean 100% my depression is the reason i am fat. the reason i gained like 20kg in 8th grade. oh also a shitty mother who threatened me into silence instead of taking my feelings about how much i hate everything seriously. thats another rant.

also on weight loss: sure i have lost 10Kg in the space of a couple months before, in fact ive done it multiple times, but then life gets tough and i start stress eating again, and it all comes back, in a similar time frame. how do i lose it? i just stop eating. i replace a meal with an ice tea or soup. something liquidy, that is mostly water. and i distract myself by playing video games. but you know what? dieting takes time and money. eating healthy takes time and money. when i was in highschool, id eat what my mother gave me. when i work over the summer, i eat a lot of bread because its really easy to make a ham and cheese sandwhich, and bread is really filling, because i often work 5 hours shifts, with an 1hr transit either way, and no break.

and you know what? and if you cant afford the time and money to make good food choices, you can do what i did- just cut food. but that requires a lot of time and personal stamina also.

and then other people exercise. (good luck getting exercise clothes if youre size 16+) and honestly, even just getting any shorts that are suitable?

and going to a gym is embarrassing (because gyms are definitely marked at people who are fit and thin / muscular)

and i think people well then say ‘just lose weight’ forget how often mental health ties into it? youre often speaking to people with depression (low motivation, low energy) and people with anxiety (discomfort, insecure, get panic attacks worrying about how people perceive them) which is super ignorant

sorry i have a lot of thoughts and feelings

#sorry i have a lot of thoughts and feelings

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ladyofmind · 7 years ago

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February Games Roundup

Hopefully, you regularly follow the Red Letters characters on their Twitter escapades. But in case you are like me, and can generally only catch up on your Twitter every few days, or are not fans of Twitter, I do like to recap. After all, all those loose characters running around talking can get confusing, and I am not just talking about Malta's Cockney phonetics!

This month, I tried 2 new games and stayed faithful to a few of my favorites.

First up- #CharactersTell hosted by @m_arbanassi saw a few of my characters facing tough questions. From the heartbroken surviving those romantic Valentine questions to one half of a semi-happy couple peppered with questions about marriage and children! These women rolled with all of it to the best of their abilities. We met Tweety and Malta, aka Double Trouble, and also Madam Sofia, and one of her minions.

I have a source that says Male characters are planning on appearing this March, so stay tuned for that, or come back again next monthly round up to meet them all! Just say a little birdy told you ;)

#CharactersTell

2/1- Hello again, Tweet here, main storyteller from the Red Letters series. Generally known as your hostess with the mostess! ;)

2/2- Romantic? Yes, love being a matchmaker for others, and have a great track record there. As for romance and myself? Takes a certain kind of something to turn my head. I love love, even if it isn't my strength…

2/3- I'm not the one that gets in the most trouble… well at least in any relationship way. *giggles* Though I have forgiven the music man ghost I enjoy chasing over his perfect song selections. So I love music and love.

2/4- I like an equal partnership. I call the shots in the bar/club I own and run, so I need an SO that is comfortable with my flirting and spotlight issues. If we work that out, SO can run my off hours all they want…

2/5- I am many things, serial flirt being the top of the list, but Miss Tweety is NOT a cheater. One potentially serious love interest at a time, and when I pick, well I'm open to other conversations, but I'm not the one to cheat first.

2/6- Now that is a secret I don't usually tell… Can't give an edge to the chasers working hard to learn and try me, can I? Let's just say I love a good chill situation, and can't remember the last "date" I was on.

2/7- Always spend V-day in company! I run a bar, and it's a busy party night for us… Wait are you asking if I will have company by night's end? No, that's bad for my reputation, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't have someone in mind…

2/8- If you don't know who I am, you are in the wrong club. I own Sinful. You will call me Madam Sofia.

2/9- Love? Who said anything about love? It is no longer a weakness I admit to having, and I make many a note of those who do, because nothing fills my little black book better…

2/10- at first, I had a serious relationship with this wounded sort who I liked; until I found out he started "dating" another girl at my club… So I moved on to my guitarist, since he makes my voice sound good…

2/11- Depends… are we talking box of chocolates, or man sized chocolate covered? Also, are you volunteering?

2/12- Honey, lying is part of my business. I am what you want me to be, what you need me to be… for the right price.

2/13- What is wrong with your hearing? You pay me, you can visit one of the girls for the night… wait you mean a date for me? Costs you far more, and it's still here in the club, but at least I will sing for you.

2/14- There is no longer dates worth remembering.. so no... get lost, I am done with your terrible questions. That's what the bubbly (w)itches are for, paid by MY own dime, not making the same money the others do… (rants while walking away, pissed)

2/15- *Wonders by with a teapot* 'ello gov'na! Didn' see you 'here, fancy a cuppa? Wot's 'ha'? Questions? Alrigh', I've go' 'ime while my po' boils… Malta's me name, do as I please is me game, aw wai'ress ifna you mus' label i'.

2/16- (Malta) Crush on Duck? No gov'na, bu' she did 'elp me figure ou' wha' 'o do wi'h 'he big old Sco'. Never me' a bloke befawe who could come close 'o ou'lastin me in a drinkin game… tha''s a good skill you knah?

2/17- (Malta) I don' da'e men. I did recen'ly ge' asked ou' by 'ha' Sco' 'hough, even if I star'ed i' wi'h 'ryin 'o check under 'he kil'… Good 'imes *cackles, fondly touching a flowered hair pin in her curly red hair*

2/18- (Malta my Cockney) Me mum an' dad were no' married, so i' doesn' mean as much 'o me. *checks to see who is listening* Bu' if 'he big bloke wan'ed a mit fasting, I wouldn' say no…

2/19- Blimey no. 'avin any ov me own, no… I'm mawe 'he guardian ov some'hin off 'he stree' 'han from me Jack Jones loins.*Malta shivers at the thought, never really having considered it before*

2/20- (Malta) Faw 'he Sco'? Any 'ime I 'ook a spankin 'ha' led 'o da'e 'imes, wi'h aw wi'hou' par'ners in crime… Faw Duck? Well, well, she 'ells i' be''er, bu' we go' awful close one day, over a stupid necklace…

2/21- (Malta- Cockney) I 'aven' 'ad no breakups. Excep' when 'he Sco' disappeared 'o lick 'is wounds faw a bi'. No' like we were married a' 'he 'ime so i' shouldn' 'ave ma''ered… S'upid male pride 'hinkin 'e knew best… *teapot whistle* Sawry gov'na, 'ha's me 'ea.

2/22- You met my boss, Madam Sofia, earlier in the month. Call me whatever you like love, I can be whoever you want me to be… I bet we have everything in common… Are you single? You're so fine…

2/23- The same it is in your world? I would like to mate once, but I can not find anyone… If I sell myself, then it doesn't feel like love, but if I am not, how else will they like me? All the singing and dressing tight or loose hasn't done it yet.

2/24- ROFLMO of course! Silly! I would like to be married one day… oh you don't believe in marriage? … Yeah, you're right, it's only a piece of paper, marriage doesn't matter.

2/25- That's kinda a big deal around here. Being sexy is part of my job, do you think I am sexy love? What do you like?

2/26- I love nature love! Do you want to go out to the hot tub, and enjoy the stars? Maybe stay there until the birds sing?

2/27- I could totally love that! I'm a Gemini! What's with that face? Are you a Virgo? Is that the problem?

2/28- Magic is so cool! I often think I have an impressive wing span *stretches arms* don't you think? There have been comments on my wolf in heat tendencies, but I can't help that it's practically mating season… Where are you going? Can I come too?

The other continued game this month was #AuthorConfessions hosted by @_JM_ Sullivan and @jjulien25. Another love fest, this time a mix of author, character, and a generally good way to get to know people through their writing. This hashtag game had me working the art skills in the free program Canva to answer a question or two.

#authorconfession D

1- What do I love most? #writing? #music? My family, and friends. Heck even my #librarylife sometimes… not all the time because it is #work, but it's full of books…

2- Very little, I like sweets, and chocolate, but my go to is salty. More chips, less candy.

3- Maybe for a week? We're not really fighters, unless forced into it, so hard to say what might happen in a zombie situation.

4- For my Selfie Sunday pics about my #WIP can usually be found on my Instagram, but this sums it up... #colorful #outlines for the win! Now to #write it...

5- Valentine's day is all well and good, but never has been a huge thing for me… I worked in a flower shop for many years, so V-day was a work day, and if I had a reason to celebrate, it was a different day.

6- The trouble with my MCs is they think they know their greatest desires, and strive for them, until they achieve it (like Woods' music career) but once on the top, they are no longer sure that was their greatest desires… little do they know they want it all!

7- Word count report-

#amediting chapters 1-2 or 650 words total so far, and #amwriting words to fix a few forgotten holes, ditches, cavernous pits, whatever you call it. Not really keeping track of the adds… just page numbers 2/135-150

Roses are red,

violets are blue

my MC is sweet,

but pretty deep too

Told you there's a reason I no longer do poetry 😆

9- Plot bunnies? It's like spring fever over here! Bunnies multiply faster than I can catch them, but there is a system to this! Method to the madness! I hope…

10- #SparkleOn … It's my day off! A Saturday to relax, and catch up on all the things I missed during the long week. Plus an extra day of writing!

11- Too many? There is a kilted char from a @lynsaysands book that was funny and still rolls around my brain….

12- I can't name a specific favorite, but I love good books with good chars that make you laugh and cry as needed…

13- I am kind of in between genres at the moment… I simply write to write because I like to, and the box it is supposed to fit in is not exactly my concern until it has to be… I like reading romance tho…

14- Wait are you asking if I will have company by night's end? No, that's bad for my reputation, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't have someone in mind…

15- There were a bunch of 90's era #YA sorts of books that got me, terrible titles, but good stories… anyone remember the #LoveStories #series? Full list? -> https://goo.gl/bWHxg8

16- Tell my readers? Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much you mean to me, nor how excited I am when I know you have read something. You mean the world…

18- Um.. guess I am good with death in this way… I can't remember a fictional death that stuck with me…

19- No one really dies, most just transition out of the work… There is one death, but it is of a nice old man, nothing violent, just a time thing…

20- Not going to write an epitaph for my books… Feels wrong to me, like allowing myself to give up on them at some point… They will never die… maybe reinvent themselves after a long period away, but nothing written can really die.

21- Night Owl, working on trying to be more middle of the day… Could eventually try being an early writer, but currently not able to pay the steep price of getting out of bed to do it…

22- Usually coffee, or soda… Caffeine…

23-Twitter sparkles because of people like @RW_Hodgson, @Ashleydhansen12, @m_arbanassi being those friends that like tweets, so you don't feel like you're talking to yourself. And @carpekat14, for recently reminding me where I started a few months ago. 💜 to all

24- Each book has a color, and they all fall under the Red Letters theme… Currently working on the split that makes Yellow Days and Sinful Sunrise (orange-y)

25- "I can't believe this ridiculous drivel! It's totally unrealistic, with everything falling into place too easily. I mean who falls into a job in a brothel type night club?"

26- Me, hands down… Antag is emotionless to some degree, MC is one emotional setting presented to people, but some serious stuff going on inside, but as the writer, I have everyone's feelings coursing thru as needed.

27- I write with the range of emotions, but I do like to tickle your funny bone more than making you suffer… does that count?

28- From the writing? Or from the lack of writing and frustrations in relation? Either way, it does make me cry from time to time… Otherwise I am not doing it right.

#StoryWarriors hosted by @writeratops came recommended from #WIPjoy, so naturally, I gave it a go, since there were dual characters. Bebe made her introduction into Twitter here, and well… She's that friend. Bebe and the girls will reappear again at some point, though if you caught #MusicMonday, you might already know they are off to forget about some guys by finding some new ones. You see, as Nira obsessed as Bebe is, she still has a good heart. Between Malta and herself, they have seen who may be coming to town in March games, and they are all about distracting a sister. Triple Trouble are friends first, SO's second, and heaven help the soul caught breaking a heart… So enjoy Bebe's first attempts at Tweeting (yes there are a ton of jokes about Tweety that you guys are spared, trust me, you're welcome) Bebe won't last long before she jumps back in, she had too much fun keeping everyone on their toes…

#StoryWarriors D

1- Hello all! Most days I can be found working in a library, and most nights, I *try* to write books. In the editing and rewriting stage of one book, and the 3rd times a charm rewrite of the sequel…

2- Hello again, Tweety here, Hostess with the Mostest from the Red Letters series… ;) I always say you'll have to come back again to learn more about me!

3- *Bounces into view, possibly on a sugar high* Bebe's the name, bouncer's the game, well at least one of them… *looks around* Why is everyone nervous about this? It's not like they can see my… *Is quickly caught and taken away by Nira*

4- T works in a bar/nightclub, so there is really no desk space that is hers… but you can bet she's found places to hide snacks and notebooks for herself!

5- *no hesitation* Nira. *clarifies question with examples* What? Does no one else use their something like boy toy as a way to get around? What is wrong with you people?

6- I am what you call a picky eater for… reasons… once had a guy turn me off salads for a while, because he was so insistent that I eat the salad over my cupcake sugar fix... learn to let it go, you won't win.

7- I'm good with whatever Tweet puts on the stage, I would give specifics, but there's a name we do not mention, and I may bust on my bestie, but I won't poke THAT wound. Not that crazy or mean.

8- "I love a good corset, pants, heels… well I love all clothes ok. But I always make sure to keep a balance, some skin here and no skin there, for respectability of course." -T "Don't play innocent Tweet, I know you too well" -Bebe

9- I carry in my cargo pockets, or inside my bra. You know, the standard stuff. My ID, some cash, at least one weapon, handcuffs, oh and candy!

10- Why does everyone ask about my room? What's the fascination? I think I get that question as much as I ask what someone's drinking… The room has a lock for a reason, and soon, a keypad too. A lady has to keep her anonymity, or else why come back for the chat?

11- Depending on what the clerk's like, B might not even notice, might cause a scene getting change, or if it's a real crazy day, there may be some acts that would get the clerk arrested for public indecency. It's a good thing B doesn't really shop anywhere... 😟

12- Tweet has a paw print tattoo for a reason… total animal lover. Probably already being followed around by an animal, she would still take this lost one home too.

13- Nira. *is warned about pattern developing in her answers* It's what I do tho... Fine… I may get a bottle of something as an added nightcap… Is that better? You know, you sound like Tweet… Is everyone else a prude type too? 🙄

14- Surely by "attending" you mean "hosting"? I am great with other languages, I may not speak them, but sometimes I understand it and the emotion behind it too. All else fails, a charming smile smoothes many flaws.

15- They don't really need to do that, as they are finally well off, but like quick cash? Well it depends who's around… B would totally help T, there just may be some embarrassment to T that would make B's day.

16- Tweet and break ups… um, sticky issue now of course… but she does have a problem being mean to people that might not deserve it. Tries to let them down gently, also tries not to lead them on from the start…

17- Nira… plays nurse man and makes me soup and other things for the week that I disappear for and am not allowed to discuss in general company… enter at your own risk lol

18- Everyone calls me Tweety Bird, and I don't really mind it… I do flitter around a lot, and there was once this joke about me and a porky pig, but that’s another story for another day…

19- *has a hand over her mouth and plenty of whispers before allowed to answer* fine… I have a talent for drinking games, things that involve whipped cream, and I can strip a man in 5 seconds… (as a bar bouncer?) *giggles wickedly* sure, let's go with that.

20- If I shared my secrets, why would you bother coming back to visit me? Besides, all my secrets go in the book… you can read it for yourself.

21- I really don't know… there was a lot of shy lonely play time growing up, but I didn't find myself until I found my work, and my Nira.

22- That I work too much? I love my job and the life it has given me, but sometimes, just sometimes, I think about vacations.

23- Tweet is my bestie.. I love her, and there is a reason we're double trouble… with Malta, we're a triple threat that no man survives.

24- Oh Sly and I discuss this often. He is so well read, he's like a dictionary. But the book that means the most to me? It's the one full of my patron notes, and quotes, sort of like a diary.

Deciding that maybe you guys might want to know more about me, I threw in one extra game. #Expressoyourself hosted by @chelseadevries, and it was a tough one for me at times, but that is the point of this, isn't it? Get to know the mind behind the characters running wild, get to know a bit about me, to see if you might be interesting in reading my books at some point, right?

#expressoyourself

2/1- Tough one right from the start… My sense of humor? Compassion for others? Fierce protective streak? I'm a work in progress, and grow fonder of it every day.

2/2- To be persistent, but patient. My confidence grows along with my #wip, just like a friendship, and half the fun is in the adventure getting there.

2/3- I may still be on the fringes of it, watching, but I have made some great connections that are already making me think differently, which adds depth and helps me grow as a #writer

2/4- Hard to answer, as everything I have written to date had romance elements, but I would say no, I don't write a story dedicated to romance, just use it as a common vehicle.

2/5- The little mermaid… there may have been a point in my younger life where I may have believed I was said mermaid…

2/6- I pick and choose thru different #writing books… some stick with me, others don't…

2/7- Incomplete? Um 7 maybe 8 or 9? Quite a few are "When I finish #WIP this is next, with pages of notes." Is there a prize or club for 10 or more? Might as well start my entry forms now…

2/8- No, most of my writing is done by typing, but I have tons of hand written notes and edits…

2/9- Any notebook is good… even used to use things like the back of my hand… A short pencil is better than a long memory!

2/10- Funny, and emotional. I write some deep stuff, but try to give a balance, so it is not too heavy or too fluffy in the end.

2/11- Sometimes… Usually start my #writing day by rereading the last few paragraphs, and minor edits are natural, other times I hack it to pieces and fix it to continue.

2/12- Last book I read completely? Dirty Book Club by Lisi Harrison. Neutral about it, since I felt there could have been more to it, or something. Worth the read, just not a full on loved read for me.

2/13- Next book? Flipping through writing books counts? I am on hold and awaiting Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan, because I loved his #NaNoWriMo #peptalk

2/14- #AdrienneBasso isn't on Twitter, but she is a favorite… the rest of my shout outs are for @m_arbanassi, @EdwinaGustafson, @AndrewRoberts66, @patchworknerd, @thelaceylondon, and of course @awakeatlastrock because #music has #writers too.

2/15- Favorite part of the day? When you hit that moment and you know that this time is your free time, and can do what you please. Gotta #relax in between your daily crazy you know…

2/16- Lol more like how do I not procrastinate? Only way I get in the writing zone is with #music. Settles my mind, then helps me set the mood I need…

2/17- I actually don't! Probably should, but I work in a #library so I have my pick and don't think about it much…

2/18- Love… has given me the space to grow into my own confidence, and experience life beyond what I would have done for myself.

2/19- It's odd, and I do not normally recommend books, as people have opinions, but one that I read and enjoyed at a time I needed it was "I regret everything a love story" by seth greenland

2/20- I don't drink much while reading… suppose its because I like to have both hands occupied with the book… just whatever I drink that day I guess.

2/21- Not while reading unless vital to understanding the story.. maybe after the reading time (aka the end of the book) if its not too late or too sleepy

2/22- I already have my US travel companion in mind for book tour, get to see the country that way. Really want to see #London, #Poland, #UK and #Japan among others tho.

2/23- Besides my TBR book pile? My people know I have a thing for #purple, and #TweetyBird.

2/24- The broken and battered appearance deterred many others, who passed it by, but despite the care it needed, I took interest. For inside was a life and story I did not know I needed so. #loveabook

2/25- oh options! Who to pick? Musicians I love? Actors? Writers? I wish my possible future #litagent would find me first, love to chat there…

2/26- The same thing we do every night… Finish writing and editing, to take over the world Pinky! No idea where #PinkyandtheBrain came from… enjoy lol

2/27- Song lyric? @awakeatlastrock #purgatorium "Choices made on this glorious day Will decide your fate so let's play" Really good deep stuff if you think about it.

2/28- To young writers- There will be ups and downs, but never stop. There is something in you that wanted to write, listen to that tiny voice, even if it's like nurturing a dying flame, eventually it will become a fire.

That’s all the games from February... Looking forward to March! Might even play a little Male March Madness, stay tuned, and thanks to all my readers and followers. I hope to have more and more news to share this coming month!

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

Text

The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Its the most fucking ridiculous story, isnt it? We went to watch fucking dolphins, and we ended up in fucking Syria. Last summer in the Mediterranean party resort of Ayia Napa, Lewis Ellis was working as a club rep. I mean, it was fucking 8am, he told an Australian website soon afterwards, and the last fucking club had closed, and we thought, We can still go dolphin watching. Well blag our way on to a fucking boat and go dolphin watching.

But when the boat sailed so far that Cyprus disappeared from view, Ellis explained, they started to worry. Why are we so far from land? they asked the crew. Were fucking miles away and weve got no fucking wifi. Something, Ellis said, had been lost in translation; his exuberant season as a shepherd for the resorts party pilgrims had gone terribly awry. The crew wasnt taking them to watch dolphins: they were going to a Russian naval base in the city of Tartus, on Syrias Mediterranean coast. Yeah, it is a little ridiculous.

It was, nonetheless, a story that had legs. Hungover lads boat trip boob lands them in Syria, wahey-ed the Mirror; British holidaymakers board party boat in Ayia Napa and end up in war-torn SYRIA, guffawed the Express. If you saw these headlines at the time, you may dimly remember the rest. A stubborn trawler captain, chugging doggedly onwards to Tartus, where he turfed the friends out upon landing; interrogation at the hands of Russian intelligence officers; mutual hilarity as the Russians realised what had happened; and, after a hot meal, a quick tour of the area, and a good nights sleep, spots on the next fishing vessel headed back to Cyprus. It was never made clear why the captain had let them on the boat in the first place, but whatever. Everyone lapped it up.

Reflecting on the whole thing five months later, Ellis, a 26-year-old with a business degree and a marketing masters, couldnt totally wrap his head around it. I think I found 35 stories about us, he told me. I read about myself in the Hawaiian Express, do you know what I mean? (Notwithstanding that there doesnt appear to be any such newspaper, yes, I definitely do.)

What made it really weird to see the media pile in with such unstinting enthusiasm was that the story was total cobblers. I could not believe how gullible they were, Ellis said, a top note of glee still in his voice. We were just having a laugh! It was banter!

Lads: this is the age of banter. Its long been somewhat about the banter, but over the last few years, it has come to seem that its all about the banter an unabashedly bumptious attitude that took up a position on the outskirts of the culture in the early 90s and has been larging its way towards the centre ever since. There are hundreds of banter groups on Facebook, from Banter Britain (no memes insinuating child abuse/dead babies!!!) to Wanker Banter 18+ (Have a laugh and keep it sick) to the Premier League Banter Page (The only rule: keep it banter). You can buy an I banter mug on Amazon for 9, or an Archbishop of Banterbury T-shirt for 9.99.

There are now four branches of a restaurant called Scoff & Banter. When things were going badly at Chelsea FC under Jos Mourinho, it was reported the team had banned all banter in an attempt to focus their minds, and that terminology appeared in the newspapers, as if you would know exactly what it meant. Someone has created a banter map of London using a keyword search on the flatshare website SpareRoom, showing exactly where people are looking for a roommate with good banter (Clapham tends to feature prominently). When a 26-year-old man from Leeds posed for a selfie with a bemused aeroplane hijacker, Vice declared it the high-water mark of banter.

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

If you are younger than about 35, you are likely to hear the term all the time. Either you have banter (if you are funny and can take a joke) or you dont (if you arent and cannot). The mainstream, in summary, is now drunk and asleep on the sofa, and banter is delightedly drawing a penis on its forehead.

As banter has risen, it has expanded. Long a word used to describe submerged expressions of fraternal love, it is now also a word used to excuse uninhibited displays of masculine bravado. Today, it is segregated by class, seized on by brands, picked over by psychologists, and deplored by cultural critics; it is dominant, hotly contested and only hazily understood.

And so, whether he intends it to or not, Ellis use of the term raises some questions. Is he throwing his lot in with the most pervasive branch of the blokeish mainstream, a sanitised and benevolent hilarity that stretches from lad-dad panel shows to your mates zinger about your terrible haircut? Or is he lining up with the misogynist imitators of the Bullingdon club, a sprinkling of racists, and, as we shall see, an actual murderer purveyors of a malicious and insidious masculinity that insists on its indivisible authority and calls you a slut if you object?

Ellis isnt preoccupied by these questions, but for what its worth, he does say that he and his friends never had the slightest intention of going to Syria. We werent really trying to fool anyone, he told me, although Im not sure thats entirely consistent with the facts. We were out for a stroll, and we came across this area that looked really run down, we thought it looked like Syria. So we put it on the club reps [Facebook] page that thats where we were. And everyone started liking it. And then one of the people who contacted us was from LADBible which is like the Bible, but for LADS so we said, well have a mess around here. Well tell a completely ridiculous story, see if the media believes it. See if we can become LADBible famous.

It did, they could. Eventually, the truth came out, not thanks to any especially determined investigative journalism, but because Ellis cheerily admitted on Facebook that his tale of magnificent idiocy was a fiction. Hahaha what a prank, he wrote, with some justification.

The confession only brought another cycle of attention. Publications that had picked up the story in the first place resurfaced it with new headlines to reflect the audacity of the invention; social media users adduced it as evidence for their views of young men, or the media, or both. The Russian embassys Twitter account called it a telling example of how many Syria (and Russia) stories are made up by UK papers, which was great geopolitical banter. The attention entertained Ellis, but he says it wasnt the point. We just thought it was funny, he said. People are too serious. I keep being told to grow up, but I still want to have a good time. Ive had the jobs, Ive got the education. But when Im off work, I want to escape.

Ellis is an enthusiast and an optimist. He is, he told me late last year, desperate to take every opportunity, just to say yes to everything I can. We were on a night out in Manchester with his friends Tyson, John and Chris. In the course of the evening, the following things found their way into my beer: fingers; salt; vinegar; mayonnaise; a chip; saliva; a 10 note; and, I hazily remember being told after the fact, at least two shots of vodka.

Everyones got a thing in the group, Ellis said, as we walked from one bar to the next. One guy, hes not even that ugly, we say he looks like a Peperami. Tysons got this mole on his face, its like a Coco Pop, so youve got a Coco Pop on your face. I looked like Harry Potter when I was a kid, so they call me Potter, thats my nickname. Every single one of us has something. So you youve got Chinese eyes. Youre Chinese.

For the record, I didnt think this was OK, but coming after such a harmless litany, it didnt seem malicious enough to confront. Of course, tacit endorsement is what makes such offensive epithets a commonplace, and so it troubles me that it made me feel mysteriously welcome, just as it had when John punched me lightly in the balls when I arrived. There was no doubting Elliss sincerity: as he spoke, the sheer daft beauty of male friendship seemed to amaze him, almost to the point of physical pain. We just take the piss out of each other, and thats how we show our love, he said. So many group chats on the phone, and you just take the piss until they cry. And its like, when youre really killing them, you go, Ill stop if you want, because you know they cant say yes, so you just keep going. Then we arrived at the next bar, where I was made to drink something called a Zombie.

Early in the evening, before any of this had undermined my ability to take useful notes, Ellis broke off from talking as we walked down the street and sidled into a window display at Next Home, where he Tracey Emined a carefully made bed by climbing into it and rolling around. Everyone cracked up. Give the world a laugh, Ellis tends to think, and the world will smile back at you. Jump on a boat, and youll end up somewhere great; make the boat up, and youll get there faster. Its all about having fun, its all about the banter, he said, after hed rejoined us outside. Banter is about making the world a more exciting place.

If nobody can agree on what banter is, thats hardly a new problem. The first usage of the word recorded in the Oxford English Dictionary comes from noted Restoration lad Thomas dUrfey, also known for his hit song The Fart, in a satirical 1677 play called Madam Fickle. Banter him, banter him, Toby, a character called Zechiel urges, which may be the first time that someone called Toby was so instructed, but certainly wasnt the last.

The OED also notes early attempts at a definition by Jonathan Swift and Samuel Johnson. (Swift mentions a banter upon transubstantiation, in which a cork is turned into a horse, and fair enough, turning a cork into a horse would be classic banter.) Both are a little disgusted by the word, and neither unearths much of an origin story: by their accounts, banter is so coarse that it emerged, fully formed and without antecedent, out of the mouths of oafs.

As it turns out, though, the OED is not at present fully able to handle the banter. According to Eleanor Maier, an associate editor on the dictionary, a search of earlier English texts reveals that a number of previous examples are missing from the dictionarys definition, which was first drafted in 1885 including a quote from a 1657 translation of Don Quixote. (After examining the history, Maier told me that she would be adding banter to the list of entries that are up for review.)

dougie stew (@DougieStew)

Welcome to London #BagelGate pic.twitter.com/KcJoz0ycZU

February 26, 2017

In recent years, banter has barged into our lives at a remarkable clip. Googles Ngram Viewer, a tool that assesses (with some limitations) the frequency with which a term appears in a large database of written sources, finds that banter popped up about twice as often in 2008, the most recent year covered, as it did in 1980.

But banter plugged away for a long time before it became an overnight success. In the 19th century, it often denoted a kind of formal sparring. Even as the term evolved over the 20th, it continued to seem a little prim. In the House of Commons in 1936, Ramsay MacDonald, the former Labour prime minister who had returned in a new seat after losing his old one, was subjected to a good deal of banter Dear old Granny MacDonald!, among other witticisms.In 1981, a Guardian report that chess champion Anatoly Karpov and his handlers had successfully protested at his challenger Viktor Korchnois constant cross-board talk ran under the unlikely headline: Chess banter banned.

Such stories do little to prepare us for what banter has become. Consider the viral video that became known as #bagelgate earlier this year. In the recording, a minor scuffle broke out on the 00.54 train from Kings Cross to Huntingdon, and then for no obviously related reason a woman who had a large bag of bagels decided to put one on the head of the guy sitting in front of her, and then another after he took it off and threw it out of the window, and another and another, and then everyone in the carriage started chanting hes got a bagel on his head, and eventually the slightly spoddy victim who is me when I was 13 and someone filled my pencil case with Mr Kipling apple pies (squashed, oozing) because I was fat lost it and screamed Get the fuck out of my face!, and then another fight broke out on the platform, and then the police got on to the train, and every single person fell into not-me-guv silence: this is not Granny MacDonalds banter any more.

If it is hard to understand how these activities can fall under the same umbrella, it should be noted that a phenomenon may predate our choice of term to describe it its just that the act of definition makes it more visible, and perhaps more likely to be imitated. At some point, though, banter became the name for what British men already regarded as their natural tone of voice. There is a very deeply embedded folk culture in the UK of public ribaldry, extreme sarcasm, facetiousness in other words, of laddishness, says Tony Thorne, a linguist and cultural historian. What you might think of as banter now is rooted in that tradition.

That tradition first lashed itself to banters mast in the early 1990s, and controversy soon followed. In June 1992, a Guardian story headlined Police fire sex banter officer, about the dismissal of a sergeant for sexual harassment, recorded an early skirmish in the modern banter wars, and an important new layer to its meaning in the wild: The move is seen as part of the Metropolitan polices desire to reassure women officers that what has previously been tolerated as banter is no longer acceptable. Two years later, the lads mags arrived.

The first edition of Loaded magazine appeared in May 1994, with a picture of Gary Oldman on the front smoking a dog-end, under a banner that declared him a super lad. What fresh lunacy is this? the editors note read. Loaded is a new magazine dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of sex, drink, football and less serious matters Loaded is for the man who believes he can do anything, if only he wasnt hungover.

If banter dismays you, James Brown, the magazines first editor, is quite an easy bogeyman. As he acknowledges himself, he created a title that defined a genre. Loaded was swiftly recognised as a foundational text for a resurgent and ebullient masculinity that had been searching for public expression. While it was always overtly horny, the magazine was initially more interested in a forlorn, slackjawed and self-ironising appreciation of A-listers (one reversible poster had Cindy Crawford on one side and a steam train on the other) than the grot-plus-football formula that successors and imitators like Maxim, Zoo and Nuts milked to destruction. But it also flirted with something murkier.

To its critics, Loaded and its imitators aimed to sanitise a certain hooliganistic worldview with a strategic disclaimer. Banter emerges as this relentless gloss of irony over everything, said Bethan Benwell, senior lecturer in language and linguistics at the University of Stirling and the author of several papers on mens magazines. The constant excusing of sexist or homophobic sentiments with this wink that says you dont really mean it. Benwell pointed to Loadeds emblematic strapline: For men who should know better.

Brown denies that his magazine invented banter. Instead, he says, it captured a zeitgeist that the media had previously failed to acknowledge; the folk culture that Tony Thorne refers to, brought out into the open. Before Browns intervention, GQ had run John Major and Michael Heseltine as cover stars, for Gods sake. I took the interests and the outlook of the young men that I knew, and I put them in a magazine, Brown said. Im not responsible for the tone of the later entrants to the market. We were criticised because we fancied women, not because we belittled them.

The thing about Loaded was that the way we wrote reflected the way we were with our mates, he went on. Theres definitely a thing that exists in the male outlook: you take the piss out of the people you like, and you ignore the people you dont.

Accept this as your starting point, and objections become exhausting to sustain: what youre objecting to is an act of affection. Of course, this is what makes it insidious. Because Browns account rests on the intention behind the magazine, and Benwells on the effect it had, they are impossible to reconcile. Its a very difficult thing to resist or challenge without looking like the stereotypical humourless feminist, said Benwell. But by laughing, you become complicit.

Loaded gave this new kind of banter escape velocity, and it began to colonise other worlds. On BBC2, for example, David Baddiel and Frank Skinner were staking out their own territory with Fantasy Football League, a mixture of sketches and celebrity chat that managed to be enthusiastic and satirical at the same time, and reached its peak when the pair became national icons, thanks to their Euro 96 anthem, Three Lions. While a long-running joke about the Nottingham Forest striker Jason Lees pineapple haircut seems flatly racist in retrospect Baddiel did an impression of him in blackface by and large, the tone was milder and more conventional than the magazines were: this was the sensibility of the university graduate slumming it before embarking on grown-up life.

Baddiel implied that laddism could easily occupy a spectrum from ogling to literature, drawing a line to Nick Hornbys memoir of life as an Arsenal fan, Fever Pitch. Hornby once said to me that all this stuff you know, fantasy football and his book is men talking about things that they like and for a while in the mid-80s they werent allowed to, he said in 1995. Ive always liked football and Ive always liked naked women, and its easier to talk about that now than it was eight years ago. Those comments reflect a kind of sneer at its critics that you could often detect in Fantasy Football League, even as its hosts protested that they were just having a laugh though Baddiel himself denies that view. Twenty years on, he, like Brown, is at pains to draw a line between the approach that he and Skinner popularised, and the forms that came later. I guess me and Frank did specialise in banter, he said in an email. In a time before it was known as bantz.

Over the next 10 years, two things happened that ushered in the age of banter. (You might call it mature banter, except that its also the opposite.) First, instead of just being a thing that happened, it became a thing that people talked about. Then, as it became a more tangible cultural product, everyone started trying to make money out of it. The watershed moment, the forms equivalent to Dylan going electric, was the invention of Dave.

Like most good ideas, it looks simple enough in retrospect. Before Dave was Dave, it was UKTV Gold 2. The predecessor channels audience share was 0.761%, and no one could tell who on earth it was supposed to be for. But we had the content, says Steve North, the channels brand manager in 2007 and content of a particular kind that the existing name did very little to communicate: Have I Got News for You, They Think Its All Over, Top Gear. Viewers said they loved the repartee, the humour. It reminded them of spending time with their funniest friends.

The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

The target audience was highly specific. It was men married or in relationships, maybe with young children, not going to the pub as much as they used to, says Andy Bryant, managing director of Red Bee, the agency brought in to work on the rebrand. And they missed that camaraderie.

Their purpose thus fixed, North started to run brainstorming sessions at which people would shout out suggestions for the name. One of the ones we collected was Dave, he says. We thought, great, but we cant call it that. But then we thought, Its a surrogate friend. If the audience really sees it as that, if they see it as genuinely providing the banter, maybe we can really give it a name.

They put their hunch through its paces. The market research company YouGov was commissioned to test Dave alongside a bunch of other names (Matthew and Kevin were also on the shortlist), but nothing else had the same everyman resonance. For us, Dave is a sensibility, a place, an emotion, a feeling, said North, his tone thoughtful, almost gnomic. Everyone has their own sense of who Dave is, thats the important thing. Its hard to find anyone who doesnt know someone called Dave.

Now the channel had a brand, it needed a slogan. Lots of people claim they played a part in the naming, says Bryant. But it was just as important to encapsulate what the channel was all about. And at some point someone, I dont know who, wrote it on a board: The home of witty banter. The rebrand added 8m new viewers in six months; Dave saw a 71% increase in its target audience of affluent young men.

Conceived by the first generation of senior professionals to have grown up with banter as an unremarkable part of their demographics cultural mix, the channel crystallised a change, and accelerated it. In 2006, The Ricky Gervais Show, in which Gervais and Stephen Merchant relentlessly poked fun at their in-house idiot savant Karl Pilkington, became the most popular podcast of all time. In 2007, the year of Daves rebrand, Top Gears ratings shot from below 5m to a record high of 8m. The following year, QI moved from BBC4 to BBC2. (A tie-in book published the same year, QI: Advanced Banter, sold more than 125,000 copies.)

North saw the kind of fraternal teasing that was being monetised by his channel, and the panel shows that were its lifeblood, as fundamentally benign. The key thing is that its two-way, he said. Its about two people riffing off each other.

But like his 20th-century forebears, he can see that something ugly has evolved, and he wants to keep his brand well away from it. Bants, he said with distaste. That thing of cover for dubious behaviour we hate and despise it massively. When we launched, it was about fun, being light-hearted, maybe pushing each other without being disrespectful. When people talk about Ive had a go at that person, great banter no, thats just nasty.

By the turn of the decade,as other branding agencies mimicked the success of Dave, banter was everywhere, a folk tradition that had acquired a peculiar sort of respectability. The men who celebrated it werent just lads in the pub any more: they had spending power and establishment allies on their side. But they were, by the same token, more visible to critics. Aggression from an underdog can be overlooked; aggression from the establishment is serious enough to become a matter of public concern.

Take Richard Keys and Andy Gray, Sky Sports brand-defining football presenters, who got themselves up to their necks in some extremely bad banter in 2011. Keys blamed dark forces, but everyone else blamed him and Gray for being misogynists. We knew this because there was footage.

The firestorm, as Keys called it, centred on claims that the two men had said and done heinously sexist things off-air. Most memorable, at least for its phrase-making, was the clip in which Keys eagerly asked his fellow pundit Jamie Redknapp if hed smashed it it being a woman and asserted that he could often be found hanging out the back of it.

Gray went quickly. In the days before he followed, Keys burned hot with injustice in a series of mea-sorta-culpas, particularly focused on the tape in which he expressed his derision at the idea that a woman, Sian Massey-Ellis, could be an assistant referee in the Premier League.

It was just banter, he said. Or, more exactly, just a bit of banter, as he said Massey-Ellis had assured him she understood in a later telephone conversation in which, he added, much banter passed between us. She and I enjoyed some banter, he protested. It was lads-mag banter, he insisted. It was stone-age banter, he admitted. We liked to have banter, he explained. Richard Keys was sorry if you were offended, but also, it wasnt his fault if you didnt get it. It was just banter, for goodness sake!

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Keys insistence that his mistake was simply a failure to move with the times was nothing new: banter has always seemed to carry a longing for the past, for an imagined era before male friendship was so cramped by the tiresome obligations of feminist scrutiny. But while his underlying views were painfully dated, his conception of banter was entirely modern: a sly expansion of the words meaning, and a self-conscious contention that it provided an impregnable defence.

The Keys variation understood banter, first, as a catch-all means of denying responsibility if anyone was hurt; and, second, as a means of reinforcing a bond between two people by being cruel about a third. The comparison wouldnt please a couple of alphas like Keys and Gray, but both strategies brought it closer to a style of communication with classically feminine associations: gossip. Deborah Cameron, the Rupert Murdoch (lol) Professor in Language and Communication at Oxford University, argues that the two modes of interaction follow basically the same structure. People gossip as a trust game, she said. You tell someone your unsayable private secret, and it bonds you closer together. Theyre supposed to reciprocate with a confidence of their own. Well, banter works in the same way now. You say something outrageous, and you see if the other person dares to top your remark.

The trust game in banter was traditionally supposed to be: do you trust me when I say were friends in spite of the mean things Im saying about you? But now theres a second version of the game: do I trust you not to tell anyone the mean things Im saying about other people? I think originally it was a harmless thing, said Cameron, whose analysis is rooted in an archive of male group conversation, mostly recorded by her students, that goes back to the 1980s. But then it started to be used as an excuse when men were caught out engaging in forms of it that werent so harmless.

It comes down to context and intent, says the comedian Bridget Christie. The gentler form of banter is still knocking around, she suggested, but now it exists alongside something darker: I found The Inbetweeners adolescent banter hilarious, because it was equal and unthreatening. But there is obviously a world of difference between a group of teenage boys benignly taking the piss out of each other, and a bigot being racist or misogynist and trying to pass it off as a joke.

Trace the rise of banter, and you will find that it corresponds to the rise of political correctness or, anyway, to the backlash against political correctness gone mad. That phrase and just banter mirror each other perfectly: one denoting a priggish culture that is deemed to have overreached, the other a laid-back culture that is deemed to have been unfairly reined in. Ironically enough, just banter does exactly what it accuses political correctness of, seeking to close down discussion by telling you that meaning is settled by category rather than content. Political correctness asserts that a racist joke is primarily racist, whereas banter asserts that a racist joke is primarily a joke. In the past, the men who used it rarely had to define it, or to explain themselves to anybody else. Today, in contrast, it is named all the time. The biggest change isnt the banter itself, says Bethan Benwell. Its the explicit use of the word as a disclaimer.

By sheer repetition and by its use as an unanswerable defence, banter has turned from an abstraction into a vast and calcified description of actions as well as words: gone from a way of talking to a way of life, a style that accidentally became a worldview. He bantered you, people sometimes say: you always used to banter with your mates, but now it often sounds like something you do to them. Once it was directionless, inconclusive chatter with wit as the engine that drove it, said the comedian Russell Kane. Now, if I trip you up, thats banter.

You might think the humiliation suffered by Keys and Gray would have made banter less appealing as a get-out, but not a bit of it. Banter, increasingly, seems like the first refuge of the inexcusable. In 2014, Malky Mackay, who had been fired as manager of Cardiff City Football Club a year earlier, was caught having sent texts that referred to Chinese people eating dogs, black people being criminals, Jewish people being avaricious, and gay people being snakes all of which were initially optimistically defended by the League Managers Association as letting off steam to a friend during some friendly text message banter. The comedian Dapper Laughs, whose real name is Daniel OReilly, established himself as banters rat king, with his very own ITV2 show, and then lost it after he suggested that an audience member at one of his gigs was gagging for a rape. A man was convicted of murder after he crushed his friend against a wall with a Jeep Cherokee after an argument over badger-baiting, a course of action that he said had been intended as banter. Another slashed the throat of someone he had met in a pub and described the incident as a moment of banter after 14 or 15 pints. Both are now in prison.

By any sane measure,banter was falling into disrepute, as often a disguise for malice as a word for the ribaldry of lads on the lash. Still it did not go away: instead, the worst of it has mutated again, asserting its authority in public and saving its creepiest tendencies for the shadows or, at least, for the company of five, or 10, or 20 of your closest mates.

At the London School of Economics, it started with a leaflet. Each year at the universitys freshers fair, LSE Rugby Football Club distributed a banterous primer on rugby culture. In October 2014, says the then-president of the student union, Nona Buckley-Irvine, a student came to her in tears with a copy in her hand. The leaflet talked about trollops, slags, crumpet, mingers, and the desirability of misogyny; there were passing references to the horrors of homosexual humiliation and outright homosexual debauchery. Anyone charmed by all this was invited to sign up for the club and join the banter list, entitling them to participate in the exchange of chappish email conversation.

To anyone with a passing knowledge of university laddism, it was hard to imagine a more ordinary iteration. Still, after the unreconstructed chappishness of the leaflet came to light, the club knew it had a problem. It issued a collective apology acknowledging that we have a lot to learn about the pernicious effects of banter, and promised to organise a workshop. But there was reason to be sceptical about the depth of that commitment.

When Buckley-Irvine and her colleagues published a report on the incident, they noted a string of others, including an antisemitic assault on a university ski trip to Val dIsere in 2011. And there were other indiscretions it didnt mention. According to two people who were present, one club dinner at an Indian restaurant on Brick Lane ended with a stripper having bottles thrown at her when, already intimidated, she refused to take her clothes off. She hid in the toilet, and had to be escorted out by a member of staff as the team vandalised the restaurant.

Photograph: Alamy

According to five people who were either members of the rugby club or closely associated with it, one notorious senior member was widely thought to be responsible for the leaflet. (He did not respond to requests for comment.) But when they came to defend themselves to the student union, members of the club fell back on one of the most revered pillars of laddism: all for one, one for all. Theyd clearly worked out a line, says Nona Buckley-Irvine. No one individual was responsible. They were sorry. It was just banter. Thats what they all said.

The accountancy firm KPMG, which sponsored the universitys wider Athletics Union, decided that banter was not an especially helpful brand association, and withdrew funding worth 22,000. The students union decided to disband the club for the academic year. The decision moved some observers to disgust. It was a gross overreaction, a former team member told me. We were the best-behaved team when it came to actually playing rugby but they banned that bit and they couldnt ban any of the rest.

Others took a less measured tone. I had old members emailing me and calling me a fascist, says Buckley-Irvine. Asking me if I didnt understand that it was just banter. Rugby players chanted abuse at her on nights out, she told me. They shoulder-barged her, and called her a cunt.

These kinds of interactions would tend to take place on Wednesdays, also known as sports night, at a bar in Leicester Square. Sports night was the apotheosis of the rugby clubs bleak solidarity. In deference to what you might call the wingers-before-mingers code, for instance, members of the club who were expected to dress in suits werent allowed to speak to women before 9pm. So they would just shout abuse instead, one female former student, who Ill call Anna, remembered. One chant, she said, went, Nine nos and a yes is a yes. At the time, Anna thought that it was all a joke. People would say, Its just banter all the time. After everything. Absolutely everything, she said, sitting in a cafe in south London. If you were meeting someone new, saying they had good banter, that was a pretty high compliment. Whereas if you dont go along with that stuff, its seen as, you cant take the chat, you cant take the banter. And its not seen as having a stance against it. Its seen as not being able to keep up.

After the rugby club was disbanded, nothing much changed in sports night social life. Many members of the club still went on the same nights out; they just colonised other teams. They still addressed girls as Sarah 2 or Sarah 8 depending on how attractive they considered them out of 10; they still had shouted conversations about their sex lives in front of the women they had slept with but refused to acknowledge.

That culture was not confined to Wednesday nights. Anna remembers a guy who took her picture as she slept, naked, in the bed they were sharing, and circulated it to another non-university sports team via WhatsApp. She wasnt meant to see it on his phone.

Ask anyone well-informed where banter resides now, and theyll give the same answer: WhatsApp groups and email threads, the safe spaces of the lad class. What youd get out of those WhatsApp threads, its another world of drama, one former member of the football club said. The details of girls bodies that youd read, a few funny jibes, that was the limit for me. But when it moved on to, like, really, really bad stuff, always about sex it was too much. Those threads are the source of everything.

If the threads were an outlet, they were by no means the limit. Banter, by common consent, wasnt confined to mocking each other: it was about action. If you dressed up for a night out, one female student remembered, it was just kind of status quo that you could have your arse grabbed. It was just like, Oh, that was kind of weird, but OK, thatll happen. Like everyone else willing to speak about it, her view of that culture was perplexingly nuanced, sometimes contradictory. It sounds scary, she said, but that being said, some of my best nights were there, and like it was fun. But then she said: What was defined as serious just got so pushed. I think for someone to lodge a complaint they would have to be actually hurt.

Anna remembers lots of sketchy incidents. She recalls nights when her choices faded into a blur, and she wondered if she had really been in control. But at the time, I would never call it out, she said. And then, youre all living in halls together, and the next day, its like: What did you do last night? Thats hilarious. Thats banter.

When Anna thinks about the behaviour of some of the men she knew at university, she finds it hard to pin down exactly what she thinks of them. Theres one in particular who sticks in her mind. On a Wednesday night, he was a banter guy, she said. He was a Wednesday animal. But the rest of the time, he was my friend.

Controversial though all this was at the time, no one seems to think that it will have cost the perpetrators much. Ive tried so hard to leave all that behind, said the former member of the football team. But those guys theyre all going on to run banks, or the country, or whatever. The senior rugby man who many held responsible, by the way, has landed on his feet. Today, he has a job at KPMG.

In 2017, every new instance of banter is immediately spotted and put through the journalistic wringer. (Vices Joel Golby, who wrote the definitive text on the bagel thing, has made a career from his exquisite close readings of the form.) But when each new absolute legend emerges, we dont usually have the context to make the essential judgment: do the proponents tend towards the harmless warmth of Ellis and his mates, or the frank hostility of the LSE rugby boys? Is their love of irony straightforward, or a mask for something else?

As Richard Keys and Dapper Laughs and their cohorts have polluted the idea of banter, the commercial entities that endorsed its rise have become uneasy with the label. They wanted it to go viral; they hadnt expected it to go postal. Dave, for example, has dropped the home of witty banter slogan. Its not about classic male humour any more, its a little bit smarter, says UKTVs Steve North. We definitely say it less than we used to.

<source media=“(min-wid

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163730951422

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

Text

The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

dougie stew (@DougieStew)

Welcome to London #BagelGate pic.twitter.com/KcJoz0ycZU

February 26, 2017

The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Photograph: Alamy

<source media="(min-wid

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

dougie stew (@DougieStew)

Welcome to London #BagelGate pic.twitter.com/KcJoz0ycZU

February 26, 2017

The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Photograph: Alamy

<source media="(min-wid

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/

0 notes