#yeah i'm alive i've been dealing with a lot of shit recently

[latin-dr-robotnik]

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The Sequel Wars made me like Mega Man 4. What a good remake.

[punkitt-is-here]

Super enjoying how much of the recent MLP stuff I've been watching (almost midway through season 6) deals with "friendship problems" that are more applicable to all ages. Stuff like "your friend is overworking herself and you're rightfully frustrated she can't find time to be with you and relax" and "I don't know what activities I can do with my friends anymore because we all like different things" and "I have a really annoying family member who I have to be tough on so they can become better" are all lessons that are good for kids to know, but also as a 20-something adult it just feels good to have a show talk about that kind of stuff. Like, yeah, the primary audience is kids, but I feel those!!! I understand these problems on a more relatable level and it's nice to have a show that's broadly optimistic and positive tackle things that are usually deemed too simple and childish to be worth bringing up in adult media without some sort of mature twist. I'm absolutely not saying those mature twists don't make for wonderful stories, or that MLP is only good when it caters to adults (which it obviously doesn't very frequently, it's still a show meant to sell toys to small girls) but you just don't see adult friendship problems tackled in pleasant and straightforward ways. The show doesn't have to mask any of its intent in a veil of maturity because it's a cartoon about talking pastel horses. I think a lot of stories for adults just kind of don't think it's worth their time to talk about this kind of stuff, because it's inheritly pretty simple, and a lot of works kind of assume you're too old to be talking about friendship problems, but that shit persists pretty much as long as you're alive and have friends, so it's just...nice to have a show focus on those small things that usually aren't acknowledged as its primary focus. I don't need to have a cartoon help me figure out the world - I'm a pretty well-functioning adult, I figure that out from other places - but it's just pleasant having something even acknowledge the smaller problems you can have in adult relationships and not be bitter or cynical about taking about them. It feels good!

[dykevotions]

what's the buntom lore I've seen u post abt it a lot and I'm curious

HI. HELLO. WHATS UP . i be keeping this shit Short and Compact. Trust me

here are summaries of friday league and saturday league of beastlife. aswell as my beastlife guide post . neither of the summaries include the most recent season which. is the one buntoms in. but yknow. you win some you lose some.

SO. BUNTOM. WHATS HER FUCKIN DEAL !??!?!

feat. mild spoilers* for beasts, and . decently wordy! *some of you know already, but im trying to film a cool video about it and edit it tonight alright... .

SO. buntom is a animal crossing inspired cartoon character, who is an mctom (my cubito ocs) who only speaks in animalese and tomlang! now you might be asking. what the fuck is tomlang. as you should be. Ask all the questions ever.

Tomlang is a conlang I(1) made, based entirely off of symbols on a standard english keyboard. pretty + right?

link to the tomlang guide. not required reading, but its pretty short, and < think its pretty cool.

now if you read it (which. again. not required!) you'll have seen.... this

now this is not Andromeda(2) but is LUNATIC !! I LOVE LUNATIC TSHIRT THAT SAYS I LOVE LUNATIC (this is about buntom i swear. this will make sense)

lunatic (atleast this specific one!(3)) preforms hexes to be less than a pixel tall and understand buntoms thoughts. lunatic is the only person that has ever understood buntom, and nobody knows he exists.

insert comics . Yeah

so buntom exists with lunatic for a bit of time. not a while, but they just chill in the forest.

then buntom gets pulled into a death game (with a skyblock gimmick this season! how fun!) , with lunatic alongside her. this is where 🎈s #story really starts

to summarise everything to happen to buntom throughout the season (saturday leauge s4, plus a guest visit to friday leauge s3) : she is dehumanised , treated as an animal or uncontrollable/feral by multiple other teams, downright called his teams PET by someone (hi sonicmike. hows your day . ) and destroys shit and kills people over it. as you do. and also helps build a giant network of paths in the sky (skynet) which are burnt down (he rebuilds them) (wtf sonicmike)

he gets mixed up with sheeptom (the other mctom in beastlife) after they go to a wedding on applecraft (another server. hard to explain) and deals with new people who are.... nice to xem for the most part? And treat er like a person? he has to bury one of them. besides that, it was good for him. she likes the people in friday league.

and then ves back. and he wakes up at her teammates grave. with more time(4) and signs from sheeptom telling her that it was sorry that they had to do it. and that their teammates love them. there's a funeral for someone else. hardly anyone honors space for dying too. he resents them for this.

the only teammate he has around at this time, is echidna. and echidna is walking away from where they live, so fuck it. and he follows. and theyre in the middle of nowhere together, far above the others. and hes safe for a while there. they both have a few hours till they die, but its peaceful.

they shouldve broken the path to where they were. practically the entire server comes to find them and hunt them down. they spawn kill them. they barely escape. they go back to their old base. they get found. echidna runs out of time. buntom dies, but still has time. he hides. she goes to the nether. tom covers the portal in lava. xey trap themself in the nether for the last hour(ish) heart has to live.

he resents herself for this. xey cut their dyed parts of hair off (they liked their dyed hair. it was her favorite part of how he looked, but it made him not fit in. if only he was like the others, then maybe they wouldnt have hated him. maybe then echidna mightve been alive.) and play tic tac toe with lunatic. over and over. and over and over.

and its the last session

and you have 24 minutes left to live

and you play tic tac toe

over and over

and over and over

and you admit that you're scared to die (this isnt the first time you've told lunatic this. you did it when you first hid.)

and you make your own grave (and lunatic, you are buried together.)

and you make echidna a grave

and you play tic tac toe (your move!)

and you have 10 seconds

and you look at how you hid from the world

and you die

and you're coming back next season! but in the meantime, shes in hell :D ! all mctoms get their own personalized hell, and buntoms is made for two! buntom has lunatic ignoring and not listening to xer, and not moving, and is so scared that his best friend is like the others. that she really is what everyone else thinks of him. that this is how it was always going to end. and lunatic just has to stand there! and cant talk, or move, or communicate at all. horrible world for autistic people

thats . basically it. Yeah . i think that covers most of my bases . buntoms also canonically aroace and autistic. so . Win!

footnotes :

1: okay my brother helped a bunch and so its like. partially him aswell

2: echidnas friday leauge character! her name does that when he tries to say it.

3: see. worldhoppers vs worldbounds. except lunatic is a seperate third thing. theres multiple lunatics out there thats all u need to knoww

4: limited life gimmick. u know the deal

[piracytheorist]

Grrrhhhnnn okay venting time because doing that to my family will either make them sad or they'll tell me I'm exaggerating.

So in my family there's two group chats. A big one with relatives from the side of my late father, and a smaller one with relatives from my mother's side. The first one I'm a part of, and though I'm not very active, I do pop in to see photos of the family whenever they share.

The second one I'm not a part of anymore. I was in it, but my aunt was in there, who can be perfectly described as a Facebook aunt, complete with Minions memes posting. Anyway, I was mostly ignoring the stupid memes she shared in that group chat, until she started spouting anti-vaxxing shit and I was like okay yeah bye. And I left the group chat.

Considering that everyone else in the group chat HAD vaccinated against covid and was PRO vaccine... I expected they'd talk to her and I'd come back into the group and we'd just never have to deal with her shit again.

But nope. I was left out of the group. I told my mother about my complaints over that, and she was like "Yeah okay we'll talk about it" and then we just never did.

It's been years since, and all along they've been sharing photos and news and having video calls in that group chat and I'm just never in, and then they go like "Oh yeah, you're not in that group" LIKE YEAH. FOR A FUCKING REASON. I have mentioned that a few times but they're just like "Eh okay".

Anyway, I've been mostly ignoring the fact that I feel pretty much left alone by my own family, because we Shan't Upset the Anti-vaxxer Facebook aunt, but today I realized my sister, who is visiting the States, did a video call DURING THE FUCKING ECLIPSE. And I wasn't even given the chance to take part. I realized that because she shared a video her friend took with his phone while she was talking to the others, and I could hear her greet someone from the Facebook aunt's camera. In the video (which she shared in the group chat of the other side of the family - which I get why she didn't call there, this group chat has some 30 something participants, while the other has like, seven) the eclipse is very clearly shown, and fantastic tbh, while in the video call she made she says the eclipse wasn't visible. So, I shouldn't get to complain, I guess?

Fuck that, though. Because no-one wants to talk some sense to our aunt, even though we all agree she's wrong, I missed an opportunity for something my sister knows I love. I know I wouldn't be able to see the eclipse from her video call, but seeing her being excited about it live would do as much.

And the thing is... who do I complain to about this? I can't complain to my mom, because I was raised in a "don't make mom sad" mentality, and she has lost her parents, two of her three siblings (with Facebook aunt being her last remaining close relative), her closer aunts and uncles, and recently her husband. How do I come up to her and tell her "Your bitchy sister, the last person left alive from your original family, made me miss a great opportunity for a bonding moment, and it's all the fault of you and the rest of the family for deciding that It's Okay that Nette isn't in this group chat where we share all about our family, and it's better that we keep anti-vaxxer Facebook aunt instead." How do I do that?

I can't complain to my sister who witnessed the eclipse, because I don't want to sour it for her. It was a great moment for her to witness it, I'm happy for her, and I don't want her feeling sad because she clicked "video call" on the group chat of the extended family, which is the one with the most activity.

I can't complain about it to my oldest sister, because she's the type of person who will blame me for overreacting on Facebook aunt's comments, for not talking about it, and for caring so much for a fucking eclipse or whatever. We don't have a lot in common and sadly she has a hard time understanding that I am passionate for different things than she is, and my passions are just as legit as hers. So I'm pretty sure she'll just scoff and blame me.

I could complain about it to my brother, but he lives far away and has little to no contact with Facebook aunt aside from that group chat. He won't disagree with me but he might say I'm exaggerating, and he won't be able to provide any help.

I don't want to complain to my therapist, because I have better use of my 40 euros per session than a stupid Facebook aunt.

I don't want to complain to my Facebook aunt, because she won't listen and, just like my oldest sister, she won't understand why what she originally did was stupid and insulting considering she knows I have a heart disease and I am a high risk group for any disease so anti-vaxxing can be just like lethal danger for me, and she also won't understand why it was important for me to witness the eclipse with my sister, or at least witness her witness it.

And like... UGH. I might go for a walk and listen to some music, fuck this shit. I'm tired of being second thought to anti-vaxxer, minion-posting, ignoring-her-daughter's-very-obvious-learning-disabilities-and-near-arrested-emotional-development aunt.

[shallow-between-stars]

Oops.

Hi, um, yes! Hello!

So, uhh, it's been seven years. I recovered my account about... a month ago and that was an ordeal, then did nothing with that for a bit, then lurked for a bit and am now posting.

SO WHAT HAPPENED YOU ASK?

Short answer: Life.

Long answer: Life, pets, work, and a side of what I think was HORRIBLE BURNOUT.

I didn't really notice I was pulling away from Tumblr, but I kinda did, which is absolutely my bad. Then, y'know, shit happened.

I got back from China in... 2017... promptly lost my job, ended up with a new job I loved for a company I hated, worked there for five years or so. Had to people, like, a lot.

My job was entirely dealing with people. Mostly people under 12. And my poor, introverted soul really struggled with that most days and came home, crashed on the couch and slept. When it wasn't school term, it was holiday care, when it wasn't holiday care it was school term. I was responsible for a lot, including making sure a daily average of 30 kids didn't hurt themselves.

And, y'know, about a year into that, my father (who I love a lot better at a distance) and I had a conversation (started by me) about my moving out of the family home. Mum and Dad basically refused to let me rent and (I'm showing my upper middle class, here, sorry) bought me a house that I am slowly paying them back for.

Yes, I know, and I am so very grateful for their support.

My dad and I shopped together and picked out a (unbeknownst to us) house-flipped 30 year old property with a great back yard and some small things that needed fixing, and I packed my bags and over the course of a week, I moved in.

And then I did what every responsible new home owner would do and waited until I moved in and was settled before making any more drastic life changes.

...

...

...Yeah. I'm lying.

I got two dogs. Ranger, who is the end result of putting all your points into Charisma and Constitution and using Wisdom as a dump stat, and Rogue who went the Int/Dex route but forgot that constitution exists. Seriously. I had her a week and she nearly died from -eating chicken.-

(She's allergic, we have discovered in the interim. She's also five now, arthritic and incontinent, the very definition of THE BEST DOG WITH SHITTY HEALTH ever. I'd say she's the living embodiment of 'adopt, don't shop', but the other dog's adopted and has an almost 1:1 ratio of "years alive" and "windows broken because he got scared".)

So. I worked a shitty job for five years (and through Covid, my job was considered an essential role which meant I worked straight through the pandemic, with children, which was low-key terrifying), and then in an episode of "nepo baby" a friend of my mother's got me a job at a high school for kids with behavioural issues where I worked for the better part of last year teaching EAL/D to refugees. I loved the kids to pieces, but as you could probably tell from the 'refugee' part of that sentence, these kids came with very heavy stories and my heart was broken for them more often than not.

Anyway, due to a contract kerfuffle at the end of last year I found myself out of that job, but my boss stepped in for another episode of "nepo baby" and sourced me a -new- job with a friend of hers working at a different school, where I am now. Still teaching high school, still teaching EAL/D and still loving every minute of it.

Anyway, I'm writing again, which is great, and something that I haven't managed to do consistently for years (See: HORRIBLE BURNOUT) and am excited to be -almost- ready to post some new content to my sadly neglected AO3, where the last thing I posted was about... two and a half years ago and at the tail end of Covid.

Surprising no-one, the content I have most recently written is Kal and Bull.

Surprising probably a lot of people, I still haven't played Baldur's Gate 3, but I've got three weeks of holidays in about a month so maybe I will play it then? Maybe?

[bisluthq]

https://www.tumblr.com/bisluthq/760849091467067392/yeah-i-agree-but-taylor-doesnt-seem-to-like-to?source=share

The whole "Taylor doesn't relax" thing reminds me of how sad the Speak Now era quotes from the Lover Journals make me:

Oct 8, 2010

"Music has helped me a lot lately. It helps me quiet my very loud fears. I love mornings like that, smiling and talking to strangers, waving to fans, and they burst into tears and screams.. All before noon... I get stage fright every time I walk onto a stage now. I wish it wasn't so, but I can't blame my mind for freaking out about performances. Criticism of my performances has been the biggest source of pain in my life. I sometimes feel like my college degree is in acting like i'm ok when i'm not."

Jun 17, 2011

"Something so unexpected and amazing has happened recently.. I've become blissfully happy with my life. Like, actually grateful for every second of the day... I really do need to create in order to live and feel worthwhile... This ridiculous thing happens to me when i'm this happy. I start feeling like karma will balance it all out by making something tragic happen. But i'm trying to just show gratitude as much as I can. Everyday, every minute, I'm grateful for being happy right this moment. I think I'm a summer person. I'm also a work person. Tour gives me something to pour myself into and a reason to feel ok about sleeping in till noon on my days off."

Sep 8, 2011

"I can't even tell you how alive and worthwhile i feel when I'm writing a new song and I finish it and people like it. It's the most fulfilling feeling, like getting an A+ on your report card."

Oct 30, 2011

"I've had a chest infection for the last few days, so singing has been so hard... I almost cancelled tonight's show, but I made it through... We only have 9 shows left on this tour and I'm ready for a break... I'm just so glad to have a few days off. (ok... 2)"

Mar 2, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about getting older and relevancy and how all my heroes have ended up alone... I wrote a song and it's called 'Nothin New' and it's about being scared of aging and things changing and losing what you have. It says "I'm getting older and less sure of what you like about me anyways". And in the chorus it says "how can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? And will you still want me... when I'm nothing new" It's a really vulnerable song, but I think it's important to say."

--

Idk. There's just something about a lot of observably unhealthy patterns seemingly developing around this time. Also the comments surrounding "needing to create to feel worthwhile" make me sad, since she's said later that for 6 months before writing Red (so late 2010/Early 2011) she couldn't write anything due to a "particular toxic relationship" *cough* Jake Gyllenhaal *cough*. Anyway. She’s clearly been "doing it with a broken heart" for a long ass fucking time.

yup. And that’s why I say like if this one doesn’t work out (I hope it does) I’d like her to ACTUALLY take time off and be single for a while and deal with her own shit.

okay so story time right because I keep saying this applies to me, and it does, but I do feel like I need to break the pattern and my current bf and I are doing unchartered territory for me like going to couples therapy and whatnot. My friend (the technophobe biokineticist who dated my bf’s close friend) was round the other day and having a whole ass meltdown right because she drank too much (which was on her because it was inappropriate because I had ONE light beer while she was here and my bf didn’t have anything because he thought we might have to drive her home and her car was here so we both needed to be like present yk) and she was going on and on about how she wants to be single until December (which we think is a very solid choice for her) and ergo she was upset her brother told her his friends find her hot (here’s where we lost her train of thought) because her brother and his friends are in their 30s and she’s in her 40s (like my bf also so it was hitting a nerve for us both) and she was going on and on about this and we were like “so would you rather 30 somethings don’t find you hot???” And she was like “no but I want to stay single until December!!!” and we were like “okay so do that lmao a dude finding you hot while you’re out isn’t asking to marry you?” and she was like “yes but I hate that all I’m good for is sex” and we were like “wait so do you want to fuck the 30something or nah because you don’t have to but also he’s a big boy and yes he probably doesn’t look at a 40something and plan marriage and kids right if he’s not stupid but also age gap relationships happen at our age and don’t feel that dramatic so which do you want???” And she was just like “you guys can’t understand” supposedly because he’s a man and I’m in my 30s and maybe that’s true. But all I keep thinking is my bestie evidently pencilled in FUCK DAY on December 5th lol 😂😂😂😂 and that to me is not being single or figuring yourself out at alllll lol.

[weregonnagetyou]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Honestly I've had a LOT of good ships with Mia. The most recent OTP is probaby Mia and Freddy with @coptm. Sadly they've been taking a break from RP. But other good ones were with @brkbd and @buriedwith-blog. I also had a ship with a Kelly from AVED.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Heck pretty much all of it. I love the fluffy stuff, the angsty stuff. I'll write the spicy stuff now and then but I suck at it. I just adore shipping and Mia loves all the flirty and physical stuff from it.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

I mean I don't mind an age gap. As long as they both met when they were fully into adulthood and it's completely consensual. Mia is 26 and I don't see her going for anyone younger than 21. And 21 is pushing it for me. But I'm probably good with 10 years, maybe 15 years. Big age gaps don't make me uncomfortable unless like the older person knew the younger when they were under 18. That makes it weird for me.

Are you selective when shipping?

I can be. It just depends on how well Mia and the other muse gets on. I've ship her with some pretty random characters, like freakin young Magneto from xmen and Jesse from Breaking Bad lol. So when it comes for fandoms I am not picky. Mia's the type that would find someone she would want to bang from any fandom.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

When hands start going lower and the panting and moaning starts. It usually goes under a read more or a fade to black.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Not gonna lie, I've shipped her with a few Ash's in my day. Younger Ash and even older Ash (talk about an age gap lmao). Someone writing Ash even wanted him to be her long lost dad. That was when there were a bunch of Ash blogs around and they all wanted a different dynamic with Mia.

She also had a thing with a werewolf character. She made out with the main dude from the 2016 Blair Witch movie (Heather's brother). She had a relationship with a Rafe from Uncharted (i totally forgot about that one.) Also a Roman from Hemlock Grove.

I also had a super fun platonic ship going with a Ricky from trailer park boys. My girl has gone through it with various ships.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?,

I don't mind if it just comes naturally in RP. It's funner that way. But it's also okay to ask. That makes it easier sometimes. But like it is super easy to ship with Mia. Even if it's just like a one night stand of friends with benefits. Girl likes to just make out sometimes without commitment.

How often do you like to ship?

I really haven't been doing it a whole lot lately. Then again, I've been on hiatus for awhile. But it's not the priority with my RPs. I'm a horror girly but I dabble in romance when it pops up.

Are you multiship?

Oh yeah

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I guess I would be a ship more-or-less? Like I said, it's not the priority for this blog. But I am always looking for more dynamics. Right now I am obsessed with enemies to lovers so that would be fun :D I also just love platonic shit.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Mia is too busy dealing with detox and getting possessed. But if I am making up a ship, I like the idea of her and Kelly. Maybe her and Beth. If we wanna do some time travel to when he was still alive, she'd probably fuck Scotty. Heck the game being a thing makes the possibilities endless. And time travel happens in these movies.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Yo just let me know if you wanna ship. Send some shippy memes when I reblog them. Get that building up in some threads. Fill out my interest checker and hit the box by romance under "what kind of threads do you want to do?" I am always down. I will let you know if I'm not interested in shipping Mia with your character. But that hasn't happened yet.

Tagged by: stole it from @bewitchingbaker

Tagging: i'm too lazy to tag. steal it.

[celestialmancer]

... // 10:35 pm, Dwelling on things before returning back to other stuff I'm working on-- lengthier ramble I guess, not too long but yeah

Been kind of reflecting on my own relationship to my creative work & whatnot as of late, most particularly just... The level of importance that art/writing/other creative outlets has always had in my life, I suppose.

There's just been this like, acknowledgement (?) of how it quite literally is like... The main thing that's kept me alive & going, & I do mean that quite literally (considering the... circumstances... of past stuff...) since its probs one of the only consistent things I've had there for me. Like, the things i create/write/etc always have been a coping method I suppose, for letting out emotions or processing things I've had some experience with (or full experience with) & like, how it's helped me sort of start to piece things together to properly understand & work through them &/or even like. Figuring things out about the past or myself too, I suppose (case in point, how I had a lot of things come back to the surface one due to things I was writing that I had repressed, & then starting to just work through that all I suppose). Also why I tend to not be afraid to explore darker topics but, regardless...

Just, something that's served as a way of taking past hurts/foul circumstances/etc & purging them through that, turn the metaphorical poison into an antidote I guess for lack of better phrasing, poison being the past stuff I've been dealt & antidote being taking the shit from that & turning it into a tool to help navigate things & at times help in the healing process too Which, is something I've sorta acknowledged also in therapy (& I guess also why my therapist has taken such an interest in knowing about the things I've created, whenever we're not doing EMDR or talking about certain past shit I practically buried & never opened up about)

I think the... Main? Example? Of this especially was during the years I was dealing with M & other fucked up circumstances ig. Bc those were among some of the darkest years I almost didn't make it through, yet at the same time w going through the heinous shit I did those years I also. Was soaring w my own artistic stuff? like, those were also the years I was really excelling & doing a lot with my artwork, engaging in competition stuff too that i did really well in, got lots more creative outlets, & even the arts performance i became part of in front of a TON of ppl, & those were things that kept me going I guess? Aside from plenty other creative things I picked up on. (All this during a 5H profection year, lmao)

So its just, sort of seeing how that kept me from slipping away I guess? & then over the years, used it to start trying to find myself & my identity after the stuff that left me feeling devoid of one (outside of the... things from M & ... well, we won't get into that). & Also adds to the weight of artistic pursuits & everything for me & esp w how important all that's become to me in recent years (given current circumstances that are ongoing too)

I would. Really love to be able to put lots more focus & time into creative stuff honestly, I've never really had the chance to fully fully immerse myself into it w/o also simultaneously going through rly harsh circumstances (bc that's just how life is ig) but, maybe one day we'll get there.

[keichanz]

hey i'm still alive

👀

uh so. how's it going. thought i'd give a little life update in case anyone was curious or interested >> tho probs not ;lajdfk;l

yeah i know i've been mia for like. a long time now, and tbh there's no particular reason why. i know i've lost some followers because i've been so inactive and haven't written anything in a long ass time. i do apologize for that. a lot has happened in the last few months and i guess i just wanted to give my friends and follows a brief little overview of what's been going on in my life and to prove that i am indeed still alive lol.

so most of you all know by now that i finally landed a good paying remote job yeah? and at first it was amazing. now? not so much. the schedule sucks ass, the management is balls, and the actual work sucks even more. i'm not happy there anymore so i'm currently looking for a new job. and im so desperate to get out of there i'm looking outside of remote jobs as well.

right now i'm waiting to hear back from an office technician job right here in my town that pays $27 an hour. TWENTY. SEVEN. guys that's $8 more than what i'm making right now ($19 an hour.) oh my GOD if i made that money i'd be able to finally move out of this god awful house with a flea problem that i CANNOT get rid of (my poor babies :( i've legit tried everything, even fucking professionally treated this house with orkin to get rid of them, had both of them get flea baths by a groomer and STILL i cannot get rid of the damn fleas. it's so fucking stressful y'all you cant even begin to imagine), finally get new tires for my truck, and live comfortably with extra spending money without having to worry about paying rent or buying groceries for the month. i'm PRAYING i get this job. even if it's not remote that pay would make it SO worth it.

anyway. moving on.

i've also gotten into a relationship with someone i was desperately in love with, then got my heart broken because he ended things. it hurt a lot. i got over it though, with the help of some pretty amazing friends, and one of my best friends. and right now, i'm currently dating that best friend lmao. so i'm in another relationship, and i'm very happy with him. our relationship began at the end of june, i believe. (i'll never forget the day he asked me to be his. y'all my hearT MELTED 😍😍)

it's a long distance relationship as tom lives in canada, but he did recently come to see me as evidenced by the photo above. i love this man y'all. he's amazing. there is one thing i'm kinda worried about with our relationship, but i won't get into that because thinking about it upsets me. but anyway he makes my very happy. ❤️

so that's pretty much what's been happening. i just haven't really been inspired/motivated to write at all lately, and i do apologize for that. it's just been a very overwhelming few months, with dealing with this damn house, ending a relationship and starting a new one, stress from a job that i'm really beginning to hate, trying to find a new one, and just a few other small things that aren't worth mentioning.

i do hope you all know that this doesn't mean i've abandoned writing or abandoned any of my stories. it's just been difficult to write anything lately but that doesn't mean i don't want to. i still love inuyasha. it's still my favorite anime. i still read fanfic (on occasion, when i have the time as i'm pretty much in a 24/7 discord call with tom except right now because he's at a dentist appt which is why im taking the time to write this -3-) and i still do think about my stories. hell, sometimes i even get an idea for a good oneshot and think to myself "shit i need to write that down" but then i forget about it and hate myself for the next 24 hours -_-

so yeah. that's what's been going on. i'm still around. i still get on here and reblog a few posts, mostly the ones i'm tagged in or some nice fanart. i do miss y'all and i hope my absence hasn't upset anyone or made them think i'm done with the inuyasha fandom. i'm most definitely not. it's just...sort of taking a backseat for now until i sort some things out in my life. definitely not preferable, but it is what it is, y'know.

my dear readers, followers, and friends, i love you all so much and i'm glad you've stuck around this long even though i haven't been around. you're the reason why i'm still here, why i want to someday get back to writing and giving you more content to enjoy and gush over. thank you for your patience with me and still giving love to my stories after all this time. i still get the occasional review for one of my stories, and trust me, i read every single one of them and they make my entire day. it's so nice knowing people are still reading my work and enjoying it. maybe it's selfish, but i hope you never stop, because reading those reviews gives me a huge boost when i'm feeling down on a particular day and it makes me feel like i haven't been forgotten, though by every right i should have been.

okay i've rambled long enough. in short, i just want to say thank you. you're all rockstars. i love you all. ❤️

until next time, my lovelies.

[occult-roommates]

Are you proud of me?

As it was her last day in San Myshuno, Farida wanted to chat with her son at least once. So they went to a café located on the San Myshuno University campus.

Farida: This is a nice place, you could study there. Dawud: Mom, I am done with school, I'm finishing my mechanic training and this is what I'll be doing for a living unless something happens. But it's fine, I enjoy it greatly, and it's brought me more joy in the few months I've been doing it than my stupid programming degree gave me in the five years I forced myself to do it.

Dawud felt incredibly nervous. Why did she want to talk to him? This is just going to turn into another arguments isn't it? Also let's be honest, that cappuccino was not helping with calming him down. Little know fact, but caffeine actually tends to do the opposite of making you feel calmer.

Dawud: Mom, I'm sorry. Farida: For what? Dawud: W-Well, for everything. You know like, constantly lying to you about my wereabouts and disappearing for long periods of time and also for what I said to you when dad died. I'm so so so sorry for that, I'll admit I wasn't thinking about it anymore, but I remembered that incident recently and I've been feeling so guilty about it. Farida: I know, you were just a teenager dealing with the loss of his father. I have let this go a long time ago. Dawud: It seems I have this talent to say the most hurtful thing imaginable to the people I love whenever I'm sad. Like, when Daniele rejected me even though he loves me cause I'm a human and as a spellcaster he cannot be with me so I started insulting spellcasters as a whole. Farida: Mm?

Oh shit, Dawud had actually straight up never told her about his sexuality, as he had figured it out pretty much when he fell for Daniele. He did had suspicion growing up, but it was what finally confirmed it. So basically, not only did he dropped all of that on his mother, now he also had to anticipate her reaction to him essentially coming out.

Dawud: Um yeah, I like guys. Farida: Oh, Dawud...I've always knew you like boys. Dawud: What do you mean you always knew. Even I didn't always knew. Farida: As a child, you would often make your figurine kiss and claim they're married and when we told you it's not legal for two men to get married you cried so hard you threw up. Dawud: Ah um so, anyway...Yeah, Dan and I almost dated. So instead I dated his cousin, Matteo, for a while, didn't worked. Sex was great, but there was very little chemistry between us. Same thing with my roommates Charlie, but at least I'm still friend with her, I don't think I'll remain friend with Matteo. Also yes, by Matteo I do mean Isabella's son. Farida: This is a lot to take at once, and it includes some things I would have rather never known.

Farida took a sip of her coffee, and let the silent remain for a few moment. Dawud fidgeted with his fingers, wondering what she had to say next.

Farida: You know, in the end of the day, I must admit I am still proud of you. I know you're trying to build yourself a good life in spite of everything. Dawud: Th-Thanks mom.

The woman stood up, and reached her arm to indicate she wanted to give her son a hug, which he received. It felt nice, last time his mom gave him one, his father was probably still alive.

Though Dawud had to admit, his mind was wandering. He was thinking how that now that he's no longer with Matteo, he might be able to get Daniele. But you know, it can be a little bit gauche jumping on the dick of your ex's cousin as soon as you break up. Also, the rift between spellcasters and humans still exist, and it's not gonna be fixed any time soon. However, you know what is happening soon, the Spellcasting Summit. And Dawud had an idea...

He had to find a way to travel to the Magic Realm.

Prev - Next

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

at some point im gonna doodle Band AU Shadow and Maria in the sweaters like goddamn i really love how you characterized them the trans chapter still makes me tear up, I like how you rolled with the idea of sexual dimorphism between female and male hedgehog Mobians too tbh, did any of that originate from Amy's old design by chance? How she had once had her quills spiked up but later it was changed to them being slicked down? (Personally I like the echidna-hedgie hybrid theory for her but your take on it is really neat!)

I also just love how you've characterized them all. I'm gonna be ranting a bunch and it's gonna be confusing a lil but like pls stay with me i just have the Big 'Tism so my brain go hugvyfcrytjkn

I enjoy having the whole thing be very plotless tbh, there's not enough of that in fics imo and it's the exact stuff I need a lot and I love that. I don't ever really feel anxious that, say, Maria is gonna suddenly die or some shit like that, or that some cataclysmic event is gonna suddenly happen. I like that, I've needed a lotta that honestly. I just love how you've written it so much,,

I am still curious about Shadow's past, though. Was he still genetically engineered? Is he still part-alien??? Does Chaos Energy even properly exist??? Is Gerald just A Guy who is a scientist and actually succeeded at what he'd wanted to do???? Seeing as it seems his "backstory" never properly happened, and they're in modern times, I presume Gerald would be still alive or something. Is Eggman there too???? /Is there potential that younger-Eggman exists and he's like a weird internet troll to the band or something????/ Perhaps jealous that his cousin gets to meet the "cool guys" and there's a very small and non-dramatic plot of Tails being like "ugh this guy again" and Maria's like "oh yeah thats my cousin!" and everyone's like "WHAT????"

There's just so much to explore with such a domestic take on these characters honestly, and I really love that. It explores parts of their characters that often don't get touched often due to how much they're always fighting or dealing with drama. It allows dynamics to be explored that are never really toyed with in canon. Adapting various pieces of the characters to a more laid-back setting is genuinely REALLY fun and you've done it so well I just,,, wawUUUGH,,,

I'm so interested to see what goes on with Knuckles too, since his whole story is seemingly so fantastical yet so easy to adapt to a more mature and "realistic" setting. Does he simply come from a culture that's often overlooked in this world? Is his inner compass about protecting his family name? Is he actually the last echidna in this world or are echidnas moreso simply a group that are marginalized in some way? I almost feel like him being someone who's struggled through, like, immigrant struggles would almost be a really interesting take on him as a character. He's quiet about who he is, where he's from, often keeping to himself, it's why he doesn't sing on his own and why he often is seemingly just... There. But Amy knows, she's one of the only ones who does know.

And maybe if Shadow still shares that "being made in a lab" past as his canon self, perhaps he and Knuckles could end up being friends if Shadow were to learn about his past. They could relate to one another's feelings of not belonging where they are, yet having strong drives to defend WHO they are.

(I've been reading a lot of immigrant poetry recently for class and because, despite not sharing those experiences, I still always feel like I relate to the general themes of them. I dunno why, but I always imagine Knuckles being the type to write stuff like that himself, since his whole story draws a lot from very real and serious sorts of topics that can be related to some of those real-life issues. I really like that about him, how it always seems that his story is taken VERY seriously and not downplayed. That's why I liked him in Frontiers, and why I know many liked him in Sonic 2. Just mentioning this all because that's my inspiration for even coming up with this idea)

Again I absolutely do not wanna seem like im hijacking your story! I just wanted to rant about characters because hmmmmng,,, you write them so well and give me many idea and I love that,,

damn you put so much more thought into this au than i did LMAO

ummm okay i'll take these one by one

first: the trans chapter, that is ABSOLUTELY what i wanted to do and i'm so glad someone picked up on it. I think male hedgehog mobians have their quills spiked up while female hedgehogs tend to have them drip down. That's why Sonic pre-transition tied up his quills! However, I do think Amy fucks with her presentation a bit in that sense, she still spikes up her quills (though i think, similarly to how there are short haircuts that are deemed femenine by humans, the same thing could apply to hedgehog mobians and their quills)

about it being plotless... aha. haha. im gonna be honest. i love drama. there WILL be some dramatic event, and there’s gonna be drama, but it's not gonna be sudden. i'll be sure to have enough build up so it hurts a little less. a little. but its gonna take a while. so dont worry about it :)

OKAY shadow's past. okay. yeah so. okay. everything is like a lot more normal and domestic than in canon, so the whole magic and powers aspect is... altered. similarly to how it is in pirate au, the characters still have some trait thats similar to their powers/abilities in regular canon (sonic raced in highschool and regularly goes on runs, for example). I think Chaos Energy and the chaos emeralds and all that stuff is the equivalent they'd have of mythology. some people believe it, some people don't. "chaos and the emeralds" is a name that came to sonic based on one of those myths.

so... about shadow. gerald is dead. old age. i'm gonna try to explore shadow's past on later chapters so i'll keep it to: shadow was adopted by and raised by gerald until the doctor died, leaving shadow in charge of finishing raising maria. (and also, i didnt take eggman in consideration for this au because... implications. but it would be funny if he was just maria's annoying cousin that both of them can't stand)

and about knuckles! yeah, it's pretty much the former! it'd be interesting if he was an immigrant or someone from an overlooked culture. and no he is definitely not the last of his kind but i do think where the gang leaves it's not THAT common to see echidnas. i don’t think i'll touch much on that because... well i'm very much white and very much live in my birth country so i am deeply unqualafied to write about immigrant struggles, but that's definitely the direction i'd love to go to for knuckles. also you didnt ask this but he's like a big brother figure to amy, they were childhood friends

i actually hadn't thought about most of the things you asked, and this helped me do some worldbuilding, so thanks a lot for the questions!!!

[ghostalmost]

been doing a lot of 3 am thinking about all the posts saying ai generated images can't be art because ai can't Create, it can only imitate. and i look back on the time years ago, in another life, when i drew a lot and played music sometimes. i got a great deal of enjoyment and fulfillment from doing these things, even though they could be frustrating too. but i could never come up with interesting ideas to draw or music of my own. even at times when my ability to draw or play music peaked, i've never been particularly creative and that's that. as far back in my life as i can remember, i always just drew characters from cartoons and books that i liked, and probably a couple thousand cats with wings because i saw a picture of a cat with wings in a book once and thought it was cool.

i realize there are some differences here, but still: i was just imitating too. always. i would sometimes try stuff with weird colors or proportions or shading techniques or whatever, but i was always just taking ideas i picked up from someone/somewhere else and playing with them like toys lovingly handcrafted by someone else, never creating something of my own, something new. if the 'Human Element' that people say is missing from ai generated images is some kind of innovation or creativity or uniqueness, then there was also basically no Human Element in any "art" i've ever done in my life.

for years and years i've been quietly hoping that some inspiration and motivation will come back to me some day, and i'll find myself able to start learning how to draw again. until very recently, i never gave much thought to why i want this. is it just because i felt like A Person Who Draws is a good thing to be, or something i was "supposed" to be?

people who create often talk about their art being a way to communicate something they can't communicate in any other way. sometimes there's a sense of urgency there too, like they're about to explode if they don't get some of these thoughts and ideas out of their head and into the world! but since i could never even find any ideas when i needed them, that can't be what i'm after. there's some appeal in the idea of developing a skill and seeing how far i can push it, but shit, i already feel so, so far out of my depth just trying to like... exist, and be a person.

the only clear thing i can think of that i ever brought to my imitation-art that ai can't bring, is appreciation. yeah, it doesn't sound like much because everyone can appreciate stuff, but that just means it's another 'Human Element', doesn't it? i drew steven universe characters because i thought they were cool as hell. i drew cats with wings because i love cats and addings wings to an animal you like is fun. i learned to play the bits of music i learned because i thought it was really nice music. (admittedly throughout all of these i was also kind of desperate to find things i could do that other people would like, so when people liked my drawings and noises it was a wonderful and relieving feeling. but i do think at its core it was mostly about me just really, really liking stuff.)

so.. maybe that can be plenty of reason to try, for me? maybe i can learn how to find inspiration in that, instead of just, i dunno, waiting for it to reappear from somewhere else.

maybe i can somehow develop my ability to perceive and appreciate, to be fascinated and humbled and amazed by everything i learn. maybe i could somehow, someday, learn to visually communicate something about how strange it is that sometimes a single thought or feeling in just one little brain can seem as big as the whole universe, or how the longer i live the more being alive hurts and is really hard and scary and exhausting, but also more profound and beautiful and exhilarating, and maybe worthwhile.

none of this is new at all, of course. i know i don't have anything to communicate that everyone else doesn't already know. this is just standard human stuff i'm talking about, and maybe that's the point.

[starrysnowdrop]

Hey there! I don't know how to write this so I hope you won't mind my awkward phrasing XD

I've see a lot of negative posts about the Sorrow of Werlyt Quest Line, some even pretty aggressive. Now I feel so bad for liking it, I love the Siblings and how Gaius turns out to be an actually somewhat good Dad. I like the fights a lot, especially the second one. Had massive fun with posing and fooling around. I also love how the Villain is just that, a mean bastard who deserves some stab wounds.

But now I'm desperately searching for other people who like this quest line. Long story short... I've just wanted to ask how you see the story arc 😔 sorry again for writing so much nonsense 💜

Hi sweetie, thank you so much for reaching out to me @xxcrowfeatherxx! Before I begin my essay long answer, thank you so much for the amazing ask!

First, please don’t feel bad for what you enjoy, or begin to think that your opinion is invalidated because some are really vocal about what they dislike. You are allowed to enjoy the Werlyt storyline despite the fact that there are some who dislike it. Also, please don’t take my opinions as gospel either. Regardless if my opinions are similar or contradict your own opinions, please go on enjoying the Werlyt content! With that being said, let’s get into it, shall we?

My Thoughts on The Sorrow of Werlyt Up to Patch 5.4

I think I will get the less controversial aspects of Werlyt out of the way and say I’m in LOVE with the fact that we are fighting the weapons from FFVII. VII is one of my favorite games in the FF series, so I have been hyped since Ruby Weapon was announced. I absolutely loved all of the weapons and their respective battles, with Ruby giving me utter chills with Nael van Darnus popping out of the weapon all gooey, then the absolutely EPIC Sapphire duty that is taken right out of my childhood fantasies of wanting to pilot a gundam! Emerald Weapon’s trial even on normal mode was so much fun, and it tested my ability to stay alive and dodge all the mechanics really well. And just seeing the VII weapon designs in full HD quality just makes me squeal with joy every time.

Now, for what you are probably waiting for me to comment on: the Werlyt story. Obviously since we haven’t seen it through to completion, I can only comment on how it’s going so far through 5.4, so my opinions may change down the road. That being said, I don’t hate the storyline, but it’s more in the execution of certain plot points that annoy me.

For example, I adore that we are exploring Gaius’ past and the reveal that he had more “adopted” children, as it shows the kind of person Gaius really is behind the armor so to speak. I don’t hate that the Raen kids are there, or that Gaius seems to be on his way to having a full redemption arc, unlike some more vocal people have said on Twitter recently. I’m actually all for a redeemed Gaius, I just hope they do it well, and not just brush over certain things... unfortunately it seems so far that they have.

Not sure if you’ve seen the meme going around, but after Severa explained her past to Gaius, he had full shocked Pikachu face, right? That bothers me, because how can he NOT know that a majority of pure blooded Garleans look down on other races as inferior? I mean, Cid knows, how can Gaius be all shocked about this? I understand that Gaius may not be aware of all the dealings going on in other legions, sure, but the overall ideals of the Garlean Empire even talk about “subjugating primitive peoples” (that’s an Emet quote by the way for the reference), so that sounds like half-assed writing to me. It seems to me that they are painting Gaius as if his biggest sin is being ignorant of the problem instead of him coming to terms with himself being part of said problem.

There’s also the huge issue of what sounds like victim blaming Livia sas Junius for how she turned out to be. Millisandia’s friend explains to you that Gaius always tried to keep Livia at arm’s length because she was getting obsessive over him and trying to keep the others from getting near him. Well, Livia was another of the “adopted” children as well, so if anyone is to blame here it’s Gaius, not Livia. Yeah, “keeping her at arm’s length” by making her his right hand! Talk about mixed signals here. If he knew something was up about Livia’s behavior, he should have done something about it to help the situation, instead of rewarding her for her devotion instead.

Also, others have brought up the point that the Werlyt storyline with Gaius and the Raen “adopted” children is sort of redundant when this has already been explored in Cid’s backstory, and I agree to a point, but not fully. The fact that Gaius takes in children and raises them like they were his own is not new to Gaius’ story certainly, as Cid tells the WoL that “He was there for me father, when you were not”, but it’s not explored that much more than that. And as we know, Cid defects and leaves Garlemald to fight for Eorzea instead of following Gaius. Therefore, it’s interesting that the Raen children look to Gaius as an example instead of what Cid did, so I actually like that we have been given more exploration into the backstories of these characters in this storyline.

There’s also the fact that people have been critical about Cid seemingly forgiving Gaius for everything he’s done and just brushing it all aside like it’s no big deal in this storyline. I guess people get that impression when Cid tells the WoL that when he saw Gaius again in Praetorium, he doesn’t know why he wasn’t that mad at him like he thought he would be. Now, I need to go back and screenshot this conversation just to be certain of the details, but the impression I got was that Cid had mixed emotions about Gaius, but he was willing to put it aside for the greater good (ie: defeating the Weapons that will kill all of Eorzea). Also, Gaius practically raised Cid himself, and in a lot of ways, Gaius was more of a father figure to Cid than Midas ever was. So does this make Cid’s feelings towards Gaius complicated? Absolutely! Gaius still feels like a father to him, so I believe Cid gets a pass for having mixed emotions about the whole situation. Not to mention that Gaius wasn’t the one that almost killed him... but anyway.

I haven’t talked too much about Valens yet, but he’s so creepy and freaks me out, and that’s a great thing! He’s definitely a change from our more sympathetic villains we’ve had lately with Emet and Elidibus, so I’m actually happy about that as well. I honestly can’t wait till that piece of shit dies!

I know I made this way longer than anyone probably cares to read, but I’m honored that you asked me for my thoughts on Werlyt and I’ll be happy to talk about it anytime with you! Once again, thank you so much for the ask!

[airanke]

I can't remember, but i think it was you who said you were changing Wows storyline (not that I blame you lol) but I'm curious what it is? I'm mostly writing excerpts for my characters during Legion and I've been thinking a bit on what they'll be up to during Bfa. I'm debating changing some things to fit my version of bfa lol

Yes, it WAS PROBABLY ME.

I’m changing it specifically for Amita’s “canon” story (Lascivious Ophidian, as I’ve named it). She follows WoW storyline pretty closely up until the beginning of Legion.

Umm because I’m long winded, I’ll put it all under the cut!

[Pre-post Edit]: Also I’m really sorry, I JUST finished typing it all and uh. It’s long. Ahahahah;;;;

Some of my points below are subject to change but I’ll give you the gist of the differing things that happen in Lascivious Ophidian vs. Canon WoW.

Vol’jin and Varian not dying (now, I know Varian dying is important to Anduin’s development, but you don’t need to kill a parental figure to push forward a child. BNHA is a very good example of not needing to KILL the mentor to push forward the student, same can be applicable to Anduin and Varian). Sylvanas actually uses her quick reflexes and her experience as the previous ranger general of Quel’thalas to fire an arrow at the fel guard before it can stab Vol’jin (also I won’t go into how BS it was that he died of Fel Poisoning, but I won’t do that here LOL). If Blizzard wants to write “strong women”, they can start with actually having them use their skills to help their allies (cuz don’t get me started on how Jaina just disappears from the Alliance cinematic along with Mekkatorque so that Blizz can milk the whole Genn / Varian scene).

Quickly following this, Varian and Vol’jin fight the Fel Reaver together while Sylv / Jaina more or less team up to evacuate all Horde / Alliance fighters. Some ofc refuse to leave their High King / Warchief, and both women also provide long range support. Baine has to carry Thrall off battle because Thrall is completely spent. Eventually Vol’jin and Varian take down the Fel Reaver, but not before both of Vol’jin’s tusks break (he loses one to some trash mob that he needs to dodge with little time to think about it - the other he loses because Varian notices that Vol’jin is now off-balance with one tusk missing and listen, Vol’jin has big tusks, bigger than how I draw them, so he’s off-center because of that. This leads to Varian running toward Vol’jin with a hand out, Vol’jin nicks his tusk and in a moment of absolute trust, Vol’jin lowers his head enough to let Varian grab, and snap his tusk. And then kill something with it. Because that’s badass).

Varian unfortunately gets either his spine broken or knocked out (haven’t decided yet) and Vol’jin has to carry him to safety because he’s down for the count, and right before Gul’dan can Do Some Bad Shit the Aspects show up with a large force of dragons. Gul’dan nopes the fuck out. Khadgar manages to make it over to and teleport the remaining people to safety (not sure what entirely happens to Amita during this yet, I originally had her scripted to throw her all into making a wall of roots and get left behind, but I already have a plot similar to that with her disappearing for three years and Vol’jin Will Not Lose Her Again so… that’s still up in the air. She’s present during Broken Shore, though).

Then, instead of leaving cuz she’s Angery at the Horde, Jaina instead recognizes that she still has trauma / pain from what the Horde did to Theramore, and then Dalaran (kinda sorta) during Garrosh’s reign. So she leaves Dalaran to Khadgar because she’s like “y’know what, I can’t bring myself to trust the entire Horde again yet, if you want them in Dalaran, then I can’t be here, in Dalaran. I still need time to heal” something like that. Everyone is understanding of this and doesn’t try to make her stay, and Amita does what she can to help her BFF find some solitude. Something along those lines. Cuz y’know Jaina’s anger and distrust toward the Horde is still valid and understandable, but Blizz REALLY needs to do better with nuance instead of having characters Rage Quit every ten seconds.

Most of Legion stuff otherwise is normal, with the whole class hall thing (the Dreamgrove, in Amita’s case), Genn still pursues Sylvanas into Stormheim but instead of destroying her chance to enslave Eyir, Vol’jin pulls a hard stop on that plan. She rage-vents at Vol’jin about it and he claps back that she never actually asked him if she could go off on this little personal mission of hers, and so robs Genn of the closure he needs in regards to Liam’s death (this is important for another plot point I have further down). Vol’jin promises that he’ll help her find a way to sustain her people through more natural means (l i t e r a l l y). So Vol’jin and Sylv have a pretty strong bond, and also because Sylv actually follows the development Blizz was giving her up until Teldrassil happened, which was her developing past her obsession with keeping ONLY the Forsaken alive (re: “we are the Forsaken, we will slaughter anyone who stands in our way”), and starts to care about the Horde and wanting to keep the Horde alive (which was still hinted at until, y’know, recent shit which I don’t understand).

Argus related stuff is pretty much the same.

Sargeras still stabs Azeroth, and so there’s Azerite everywhere, and Vol’jin is entirely unamused by Gallywix because the Azerite shows Vol’jin a vision that Bwonsamdi has shown him before, so he just shrugs it off, because Vol’jin doesn’t care about becoming the ultimate legendary saviour all-powerful all-mighty whatever the fuck. Silithus is pretty similar but after some ACTUAL TALKING, Vol’jin and Anduin agree to split who harvests Azerite from where so that Horde miners aren’t being killed and Alliance troops aren’t being killed in retaliation (Vol’jin sends Sylv to “deal with” the problem at first, and then has a chat with Anduin to p much show Anduin that “every action has a reaction, did you really expect me to loaf around while you killed my miners?”) Yeah. Learning moment yay.

As for BfA, instead of Teldrassil being burned down by Sylvanas (because she obvs CAN’T do that since Vol’jin is warchief and he would fucking never), Genn is the one behind it. So Sylv WANTS to march on Teldrassil because she doesn’t believe the peace between the Alliance and Horde will last. Vol’jin, while agreeing that it would, in fact, be smart to attack Teldrassil, tells Sylv “no, we can make this work. Sure, peace might not last forever, but so long as I’m in charge, I can make it work. We’ll start with Ashenvale. We’ll start with having our druids restore what we’ve taken”. Sylv eventually agrees that this is a good idea, so then stuff between the Horde and the Nelves is a bit better.

Now, I haven’t ironed out EXACTLY how I get to Genn making the decision to burn down Teldrassil, but he’s very consumed by his anger toward Sylvanas (re: him not getting his chance to ruin HER chance at getting a future for her people because Vol’jin both ruins that chance and proposes an alternative - more or less leading into Forsaken learning druidic magic so that they can use plantlife to sustain and heal their bodies, and we get the orcs of Draenor, so there are other rituals that can be put in place of… FUCKING VALKYR. Please note this is also something else that I’m still working on, but I find it frustrating that we just always forget that the Horde has druids and shamans and there are other ways to preserve the Forsaken than the Blight. Because perhaps Sylv is just going to have to make due with what she has, and IDK ACTUALLY TALK TO HER PEOPLE AND GIVE THEM A CHOICE AND SHIT. Sylv is p much driven by fear of death when you think about it LMAO).

Anyway, Genn burns down Teldrassil but also does it in such a way that the Nelves still blame the Horde. Malfurion has an inkling that Vol’jin wasn’t behind it because he / Sylv / Saurfang show up when they get wind that this is happening and apparently it was Horde troops and the LOOK VOL’JIN WOULD GIVE SYLVANAS AND THE PANIC IN HER FACE LMAO anyway, Genn had made the mistake of capturing a druid, who quickly escaped Worgen eyes and went right to the Dreamgrove, and then immediately went to Amita to tell her what was happening, so Amita immediately goes to Darnassus and starts evacuating people and basically she barely manages to escape in her dragon form and Sylv and her Forsaken pull Amita and a lot of the civillians out of the water yaddyadda fun stuff.

Sylv immediately knows that Genn did this because he wanted an excuse for the Alliance to march on the Undercity, and yeah, kinda goes from there with Undercity plot, and Vol’jin allows Sylv to use the last of the Blight to Blight the Undercity, because there’s no way Sylv will let the Alliance take away her people’s home from them, esp not since they WERE the humans who had lived and died there.

Anyway, my BfA stuff is still kind of a mess becuase while I absolutely loathe Genn’s guts, I don’t want his decision to burn Teldrassil to be on a whim, or to seem non-tactical (personally I thought it would be interesting if Teldrassil was an inside job because then it would be taking away the Horde’s chance to turn it into a Horde stronghold, kind of like how I interpreted Sylv’s choice to Blight the Undercity as her taking away the Alliance’s chance to turn UC into an Alliance stronghold, y’know?)

ALTERNATIVELY I CAN ALWAYS THROW THE TWILIGHT’S HAMMER IN THERE BECAUSE I WANT TO GIVE THEM MORE PROMINENCE ANYWAY BECAUSE BLIZZ ALWAYS FORGETS ABOUT THEIR OTHER VILLAIN FACTIONS IN FAVOR OF RED VS BLUE FOR SOME REASON THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND and I already have an incredibly high ranking Twilight’s Hammer lady in the works, she’s v horny and frisky all the time but she will destroy you make no mistake.

Cuz then Genn could just try to pin it on the Horde anyway, and like… what you gonna’ do bout that, it’s a fire, it will burn all the evidence anyway. Genn’s word against Vol’jin’s. Depending on who you talk to, will depend on who they’re more inclined to believe, no?

I’d go into more but it’s SO MUCH, so I’ll just list a few other things (this is only Horde side related because I STILL haven’t finished Alliance side, my apologies):

Shadra does not die.

Rezan does not die, but is out of commission for a while, therefore still allowing Zul to take over the city.

Mythrax is killed before he can destroy the third seal.

Rastakhan does not die in the Raid on Dazar’alor, for multiple reasons I won’t go into.

He does however step down as king so that he can mentor his daughter, and because he’s ready to let himself die if that ends up being the case.

Katherine and Rastakhan may or may not have a few years together before Rasta finally dies peacefully.

Probably some other things that I forgot, but before anyone comes after me about “reversing” these deaths, listen. From a story only standpoint, they are pointless. In regards to Shadra in particular, the ONLY REASON she even dies is because we, as the player character, cannot attack Yazma. You can bet your entire ass that Amita would go charging down there and bite off Yazma’s head (which is foreshadowed earlier in Amita’s story after Vol’dun stuff but I don’t want to spoil EVERYTHING haha!).

However, these deaths make some sense in regards to the way that Blizzard has plotted their dungeons / raids. They need Yazma to be empowered for a dungeon, just like they need Rezan to die for that same dungeon. Mythrax needs to break the third seal and live for the Uldir raid. Rastakhan needs to take on a deal with Bwonsamdi because there’s a whole death plot aspect thing in BfA and so Bwonsamdi needs to be in that position of power.

For Amita’s story, however, these deaths hold no merit, they DON’T need to happen. Technically you don’t need them to happen in game either, but I digress, I understand the decision that Blizzard made in regards to them even though I obviously strongly disagree with these decisions. 

That’s kind of all I’ve got for now. I need to finish Alliance stuff because Amita DOES spend a lot of time on Kul Tiras as Jaina’s support, because Jaina just needs her BFF there to lean on, since going back to a family that thinks you were the cause behind your father’s death is not easy my dude.

[callsignbaphomet]

I kind of want to write it myself but I have to go to work, so I'm going to give you 34 because it is the corniest thing I've read all day.

34. “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

He was tired, worn out and even if he didn’t want to admit it he was pretty sore. It’d been a long time since he’d been fucked like that. Last few times he was sober enough to recall were quickies behind whatever building was the closest to vaguely hide behind. He was sure he and whoever was with him had been caught numerous times. Not exactly something he felt any shame about, not when the audience were chem infused, alcohol fueled raiders who did the same or worse if some of the stories were to be believed. While the drug-infused anonymous sex in public was a way to scratch an itch, so to say, the excitement of it all died down rather quickly and he soon came to find that it wasn’t exactly satisfying. Especially when he could recall some partners either finishing too fast, not being able to even stand on their own two feet or after two to three thrusts they couldn’t keep themselves hard enough to finish which led some to threaten him if he ever said anything. The threats themselves made it all the more hilarious for him, it was even more hilarious when he’d dispatch the juicy little detail to certain people who were known to never shut up about gossip.

This was different. This was far better than the last several times he recalled. Even better was the fact that he was able to lie down next to him and when he’d put his arms around him and pulled him closer he thought he was going to squeal. He shifted his eyes to see his arm sticking out from under him while his other arm hugged him. He stared at the palm of his hand and slowly moved his own hand towards it. He touched his palm with the tip of his fingers and gently drew circles in the middle. After a while he was suddenly startled when he closed his hand around his, prompting him to turn around. He was met with a set of sleepy blue eyes and a small smile staring back which caused him to smile back.

“Sorry, J, didn’t mean to wake you.” Angelus whispered.

“Just had my eyes closed, that’s all. I thought you were asleep.”

“Uh-uh.” Angelus said as he nuzzled up to Jelani. “I don’t know, can’t sleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.” Angelus whispered. He opened his eyes and saw the stitches on the right side of Jelani’s neck. A few more inches and the bullet could have hit an artery but he quickly shook his head as to avoid thinking what could’ve happened instead of being grateful that they got out alive though a little battered.

Angelus ran his finger across an older scar on Jelani’s jaw and out of curiosity asked, “How’d you get that one?”

“Hmmmmm, knife fight with some drunk idiot.” Jelani chuckled as he remembered the fight, “Funny thing is I actually didn’t feel a thing when he cut me but once the Psycho wore off I bitched and cried for an hour about it.”

“That’s Psycho for ya.” Angelus blurted out as he laughed. “Great when it’s in your system but once it’s gone you’re gonna wish you were dead.”

“Hey, so what about you? What happened to your back? It’s covered in scars.”

“The one time I did something nice for someone else I almost got killed. You remember that girl I introduced you to? Ginger?”

“From the lighthouse? Yeah. She’s nice.”

“Well, she was on her way back home when she and her party got lost, they’d recently moved to the lighthouse and were in short supply of practically everything so they’d gone out to search for stuff to bring back. Unfortunately they ran into a yao guai and she was hurt pretty bad and I have no idea why but I ran over to help. I don’t really remember too much but when I came to she grabbed my gun and emptied the entire clip on that thing’s head. Was kind of badass. I passed out again, blood loss, and came to at the lighthouse. Been friends since. Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“What about the ones on your arms? The ones on your right arm look fresh.”

Jelani remained silent as the question registered. Normally he’d tell anyone who asked about those specific scars to piss off or that it was none of their business, but he didn’t want to seem cruel though at the same time he thought that if he told him the truth he’d think he was some demented freak and would push him away. For a while he analyzed his options and carefully constructed an answer. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie, the scars were almost perfectly aligned and the cuts were clean. It was obvious that he hadn’t gotten them from a fight or from some wild animal.

“It’s…just something that happens once in a while. It’s better if we don’t talk about it; I wouldn’t even know how to explain it without–”

“Without sounding like a freak. I get it. I had a friend who did the same after his wife died. He said that it hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as what he was feeling.”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“I’m sorry, J.”

“It’s fine. So what happened to this friend?” Jelani asked as to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Oh, well, believe it or not one day he ran into an old abandoned farm outside the Commonwealth and said he wanted to farm the shit outta it. From raider to farmer. I laughed so hard I thought I’d pissed myself but he was serious about it. Started growing crops, expanded the farm, hired some people and took it easy from then on. He wanted me to go along with him but nah, farming is definitely not for me and give up this freedom to wake up at dawn to tend to plants? Hell, no. I do miss him. Had a really thick accent like you. Well, not exactly like yours. Yours is really weird–not that it’s bad! It’s just you know, unique. He actually taught me how to speak Spanish just so we could share info and no one would be the wiser.”

“Wait a sec. You know Spanish?” Jelani amusingly quipped. He always found it fascinating when others knew some other language besides English. The fact that that friend had an accent as well felt like a relief after a childhood of other kids making fun of his.

“That’s right, papi.” Angelus chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Jelani. “What about that weird language you sometimes mutter to yourself, what the heck is it?”

“Well, my father’s family had a habit of keeping track of their ancestors from before the war. If you ask me I think it was their way to cope with dealing with life as it is now. So my father could trace his family back from before the war. Apparently five years before the war our family moved from some other country into Minnesota. We lost track of what that country was along the way but we know they spoke this language called Norsk and they’ve been passing it on ever since. I learned that one before I learned English so that’s why the accent plus he had the same accent and when I was really little my mom wasn’t home too much so I learned to talk, read and write from him.”

“Why wasn’t your mom around too much?”

“She was with the Brotherhood of Steel and every time they got close she went off to throw them off her trail. There wasn’t any NCR activity in the Capital so my dad had nothing to worry about. But the Brotherhood didn’t take too kindly to her going AWOL so she ended up on their shit list. I guess she dealt with them because after I turned four she was around all the time.”

“I didn’t know you were from the Capitol. What about your parents? They still there?”

“They died when I was five.”

“Wait a minute, how did you–”

“My brother looked after me.” Jelani answered in anticipation to Angelus’ follow up question. “He did the best he could but he was only fourteen when our parents died. It was really hard at first, their deaths hit him pretty hard and even though they left a good amount of caps hidden away it only lasted for a few months. After that my brother tried to find anything he could do to earn caps for us but sometimes there wasn’t really much people would ask a fourteen year old to do. He tried to hide it but I know he lied a lot about how bad things were at times. Most nights he wouldn’t eat so I could and he’d lie but I knew he would go days without eating so that I wouldn’t go hungry. If he was sick he’d save the Stimpaks in case I got sick. So as I got a little bit older I learned to steal shit to bring it home, there was no way I was gonna watch my brother kill himself for me.”

“God, that sounds horrible.”

“It was. I think he knew I was stealing stuff but he didn’t have any proof. What was he gonna do, keep inventory? Plus a friend of the family would check in on us. It was this really old ghoul named Sunniva. She’d come around every few months to check up on us but when she found out our parents died she stopped by every month with supplies so I kept the stealing down to only when it was an emergency. Things got a hell of a lot better when he was able to pass as an adult and joined up with a group of mercs called Talon Company. I don’t think he liked doing some of the stuff he had to do. Some nights he came home, washed up and went to bed without saying a word but I could hear him crying.”

“Anyway, after a while he and I decided to move out of the Capitol. We had the caps, the supply and gear for a really long trek so we just left. Those were the best months of my life. He’d mapped out several routes we could take to get to New Vegas and he’d let me choose which one we were taking that day. It was amazing, we’d stop to explore ruins, he gave me every Nuka-Cola and gumdrops he’d find along the way and there was this huge library and he let me take as many books as I could carry with me. So at night we’d find a good spot to spend the night in, eat some dinner and we’d spend a few minutes outside just looking up at the stars and right before bed he always read a bit aloud to me. I preferred to do it myself but it was great just hearing him talk for a while.”

“New Vegas, huh? I heard that place was fucked because of the NCR.”

“Sorta. Anyway, we stayed there for a while until we got in trouble with the NCR.” Jelani laughed as he recalled the confrontations which were dangerous but for some reason he and Loke never took them seriously. Maybe they liked to lash out at lesser threats to feel some sense of power since the Legionnaires were always on them and giving them a hard time. Of course Jelani left out the small fact that the reason they ended up running from the NCR was because they killed six of their veteran rangers over a petty squabble that escalated due to short tempers and massive egos.

“After the NCR put out a “shoot on sight” on us we decided to leave. We heard a few caravans were headed to Boston so we were hired by one to get them across safely. It wasn't…” Jelani’s voice began to quiver as he recalled the last weeks he spent with his brother.

Angelus caught on to the change in his voice and quickly looked up to see him. He didn’t say anything to Jelani especially when he saw tears silently running down his face, he just hugged him a little tighter and nuzzled his nose against his throat.

“Um…” Jelani gasped as he tried to catch his breath while trying desperately to hold back his tears. “He…he died and it was my fault. He was all I had and he’s dead because of me. I picked the route and we walked right into a deathclaw nest. He told me to get everyone far from the nest and I did but I went back for him. He was standing in the middle of a rope bridge with the deathclaw near him. I panicked and shot at it so it turned around and was walking towards me. He cut the ropes holding the bridge together and they fell. I watched him fall and I stayed there for days hoping that he was okay and that he’d come back but he never did–I killed him–”

“No, hey, J, listen to me!” Angelus said as he cupped Jelani’s face in his hands and while looking right at him he continued, “You couldn’t have known there was a deathclaw nest there. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was!”

“No, it wasn’t! Look, clearly your brother loved you. He loved you enough to face off against a deathclaw for you. Do you honestly think he’d want you to blame yourself for what happened? No. You said so yourself, he looked after you and cared for you. He put aside any selfishness and even his own needs to take care of you because he loved you and didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. Okay? Don’t do that to yourself.”

Jelani went quiet as he slowed down his breathing. He still felt an immense guilt over what happened that day but in an odd way what Angelus had just said made sense. Blaming himself wasn’t going to solve anything, it only led to him mutilating himself and playing with the idea of killing himself, none of which was going to bring Loke back and in the end his death would’ve been in vain.

“Come on,” Angelus whispered while wiping away the tears, “Don’t cry, hon. Those pretty blue eyes look best when they’re shining like stars.”

“Okay.” Jelani said as he finally smiled.

“Well, actually, these stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

As soon as Angelus said that both of them stayed quiet for about a minute staring at each other and suddenly both of them burst out laughing. Once they were able to calm their laughter Angelus covered his face with his pillow but Jelani lowered it to find him blushing over what he had just said.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Oh, my god, I don’t fucking know. I heard this drunk idiot say it at the cafe and I don’t know why I just remembered it and blurted it out. That was so weird!”

“Nah, it was cute but kinda weird too.” Jelani hugged Angelus and pulled him closer until they were both body to body. Jelani then looked past the cloth dividing the makeshift bed in the small camp, he could see the sky behind the Nuka-Cola Bottling Plant getting lighter across the horizon. Neither of them had slept but he didn’t worry about it. They had nothing planned for the day and it was fine by him if they spent the entire day sleeping together.

“Hmm, it’s almost sunrise.” Jelani yawned.

“That’s fine. The world can go fuck itself, I just wanna stay like this with you.”

“Jeg elsker deg.”

“I love you too.”

[myvelouri]

Did I write about Sam? I think so, yeah she said she appreciates me, and it took her a while to warm up to me

She even asked if I was off tomorrow and said to come in and dab with her lol, which I think means smoke a blunt but yeah. She was really treating me like a whole full human being.

I think cause, well, she's the waitress that works there but she surprised us at Whataburger cause she saw me Ronnie and Hector chillin there. She freaked me out lol. But she saw me get some customers at the bar treating me with racism or sometimes calling me gay. I don't know if that's what did it but she thought of me as so sweet now. Cause even during the fight I accidentally dropped the drink on her she was trying to serve. It's okay, it was riled up and a lot of people. I grabbed onto her and told her to stop me. And I remember that. After it ended I went up to her alone and said "hey, I'm sorry I dropped that on you, I.." and she cut me off and said "omg you're so sweet, no, it's totally fine" and I said "okay" and walked away.

It was a wild night, that one.

But yeah so I did go see Sam the day after but she was busy at work. She didn't smoke with me at all. She was tired I suppose. Idk though. It's okay

I mean people do that. Ronnie said he was gonna text me to hang tonight but he didn't. So I know people do that, you know?

I love Ronnie. He actually told me "I was going to jump into that fight if that guy started hitting only you" and I was like wow I love you man. Idk how we got to be decent friends but I appreciate him

I'm a mostly loving and trusting person and no one sees that right away (anymore) because I look a certain way I assume.

Okay anyway, back to that night at Whataburger. She like surprised us. Hector and Ronnie left. That one dude working at Whataburger tried to get with Sam so much that Sam asked me to sneak her out. Lmao we did when the guy wasn't looking but we also refilled our drinks LOL. Omfg she was saying I should work with her, she was saying she's emo as fuck too. I am actually able to talk to her for a long time. Good chemistry. She a goof. Omfg right, she has a very goth name, it's so pretty, ffs her name is "Raven" and her last name is equally as goth. And she was telling Ronnie and Hector (before they left) how someone said something she LOVED which was "they said my name is like, um, those books," and I said "lmao SOMEBODY? girl, I said that hahahahaha" "fuckin, 'somebody'" and I was teasing her, like, it was really funny hahaha. And the book series was "a series of unfortunate events" yeah, Sam is very baudelaire. I'm somewhat well cultured and I knew other thing she has with her that one time. Like I said, I gave good Chemistry with her. And now she's open to me. I can't believe that happened. At the same time I'm really sad that this whooooole time I knew her she didn't really like me, up until now. I guess... I guess it took her a while to get to know me just by watching me at the bar and seeing me deal with many situations. As well as being sweet to her most of the time. I don't know. I joke with her a lot too, I tease her. I did this knowing that she wasn't into me. I just liked her as a friend I get to be goofy with. You have to realize I grew up like this, being the funny one, being the goofy asshole with many friends and girls, just having a good ass time laughing. I'm very fun! And so, yeah man, I liked messing with her. So I'm sad that she didn't like me right away like people used to. I don't know. I think my appearance is different and causing some issues here. I used to be more adorable. It is confusing to explain. It would take long so I won't do it here right now.

But yeah me and Sam escaped Whataburger and talked in the parking lot forever. She said the fact that she's asking if I'm off tomorrow or actually trying means that she sees me as someone real, and said she appreciates me. It warms my heart. But I selfishly am still bitter that I wasn't appreciated earlier? Not in regards to her specifically, but that this has been happening to me a lot recently? Ppl not liking me and shit? So yeah, she warmed my heart a lot. I told her "wow, well I'm glad you see that now, a lot of people don't see that in me anymore" she thinks I'm really sweet.

I don't know. During that fight at the bar with the homophobia piece of shit, I bumped into her and was still able to have clarity even in my drunkenness to aid her immediately, and I became soft so quick and said "I'm so sorry Sam, are you okay? I didn't mean to touch you there, I didn't mean to drop that on you" i forgot to mention that when that happened, and I had her hold me, because of the bar fight I was in, that I accidentally also grabbed her breast, not grab, it wasn't on purpose, I was riled up, wasn't even LOOKING, I thought it was her torso or arm, because I trust her you know? And yes after I did that I immediately said omg I'm.so sorry I didn't mean to touch you there... She understood completely.

And also as we joked while in Whataburger before we left, or escaped hahaha, I said "okay let's go babe" and I quickly laughed and said "lol wtf I just called you babe" and she laughed, and she was into that too. Can't remember her joke but she played along hahaha maybe called me honey or something. Fucking dork, lol.

I think it's so funny that she ran into us at Whataburger. Perfect timing. Cause me Ronnie, and Hector were at Steve's place smoking and drinking. For a whiiiiile. And we got hungry so we left to eat. What were the odds Sam was driving by Whataburger that moment we were inside already. And she saw us. Yeah haha she said she saw us so solhe decided to come in

I should ask her if she wants to watch the joker with me. I'd like to see it with somebody

I showed her the kitten I rescued! She knows about it all. She helped me out by telling me stuff about it

Ahhh

Yeah guys the girl who's snap I got last night? Yeah she uh, never added me back. That's another L for me.

I'm not weird or creepy. I don't know why I think that. Maybe I am now. I just want to die. This is all so much and this ain't even half of what I deal with. There's shit I deal with so heavy that I don't even post here. I mainly post about relationships and friendships here along with dealing with that while having depression.

But I'm not okay. I hate myself but I love myself, but I dislike myself a lot more. The parts I love, I wish were more amplified..

I need money. I should just call into work tomorrow

I'll be in bed all night tonight, listening to music

Idk why that girl never added me back. She told me she was gonna just chill all day today too. And I told her that's totally fine, we can do something anytime. It's nice to meet you, REALLY love your style!

And the way she looked at me with those "I think you're so fucking cute" eyes confused me. Usually you can tell you know? I can always tell when a girl thinks I'm cute. But I've been off now. So off. Literally no girl likes me anymore

I think I've become old and ugly

Lonely, weird and lost.

I miss many things from life. I want many things too. I still do. If not, then I just want death. Being alive while wanting things so badly and never getting them is torture... Especially when the things you desire are things that everyone already has and takes for granted. You don't know, you just don't know

I'm so hurt that this is my life

I don't think I deserved this... I don't think anyone deserved this