#yeah i have a lot of edits from this one 30 second video lol

[maximura]

[blaiddfailcam]

Hi! I really love your work with gifs, they're always so cool. How do you record what you do with Bloodborne? I'm very uneducated about gif making but I usually only see that stuff from games that are available on PC? Or at least a photo mode?

Oh wow, thank you so much! 🥲

Yeah, it's a bit complicated recording GIFs for Bloodborne without a PC—less so the recording part, actually, more the camera trickery.

As for recording, downloading, and converting, these are the basic steps I follow:

Find whatever I want to make a GIF of in the game, then set up the shot. I play without the HUD to make sure I get as much screenspace as possible, so it takes some deep familiarity with Bloodborne's gameplay as a whole.

Using the PS4/PS5's feature to save previous gameplay, I retroactively record the last 15-30 seconds after I get the shot I wanted.

I've downloaded the Playstation App on my phone. The PS4/PS5 will automatically upload saved gameplay there, which I can then download directly to my phone's storage. (I'm definitely operating on a low budget, lol.)

Via my phone, I trim the video to get only the exact shot I want to convert into a GIF. I'll also mess around with contrast, saturation, sharpness, etc. to get a clearer image, and ideally to minimize the resultant GIF's file size.

This is where it gets laughably cheap: I upload the video to a site called ezgif.com. It's a little hokey, but true to the name, it's very easy to use and has a good bit of options when it comes to resolution and framerate. Most importantly, it's free. I haven't had any issue with it thus far! (🤞)

Once I have the GIF I want and under 10 MiB, I just download it straight to my phone. I might edit this GIF later, but it's essentially finished.

That's it for the technical side, but as for how to actually go about recording gameplay in lieu of a photo mode? Well, there are a myriad of techniques I'm still experimenting with, but most rely on one simple in-game mechanic:

Gesturing. Specifically, the Sit Down gesture.

Since there's no way to obscure the player character (at least not entirely), the simplest solution is to have them sit down so you can either crop them out of view, or hide them entirely by having them sit by a wall or object that forces the camera close to them.

You can also sit while using the monocular, which drops the player character out of view so you can get close-ups of the environment, or simply record pristine images without need for a wall.

There's a lot more I've learned as far as camera movement, but those are the basics of simply removing that pesky hunter from the picture. No modding necessary!

Of course, this means there will always be a degree of diegesis, so I can't easily get high-angle shots or slip out of bounds. Furthermore, enemies will still try to beat my ass, so I have to be careful. It's a bit like wildlife photography in that sense, lol. (But that can be a good thing!)

I hope I was able to answer your question!

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: We're Moving Out

Date video was published: 04/25/2017 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 342

I’m back from my holiday hiatus! This is a great video to start a new year of posts with.

Time for the moving (to the second London flat) announcement video! I already know I’m going to say way too much about this one. Dan teased this video before it was posted.

0:01 - I love Dan’s little knowing smile at the start that this is going to be a “big deal” sort of video

0:08 - “ascending to another dimension” is what Dan thinks would have to happen for Phil to stop making videos, apparently

0:11 - “none of us would be surprised if you were an alien, Phil” somehow I have no memory of that line in this

0:16 - they’re so deadpan about it, but also maybe they just seem exhausted

0:25 - oh my god at them having already lived together for almost 6 years total at this point all they was back in 2017...time has no meaning

0:35 - yeah Dan’s on that same page

0:38 - ahhhh, flashback to THE WARDROBE

0:44 - I love their commentary on this

0:50 - you can actually see this thought go through Phil’s head

1:11 -  love how casual they are about of course they’re moving to a new place together. (I remember lots of different speculation at the time, not just that they were moving but maybe moving to separate places...lol.) Dan’s stare at the camera says he’s seen some of that

1:20 - and in these shots they have things in such random places...the mess disturbs me but I guess understandable when getting ready to move

1:21 - lol at the box with the lemon humidifier from 5 Things I Regret Buying; very important to pack I guess

1:27 - king of comedy Phil emphasizing “stuff” in the annotation

1:33 - that would disturb me in a dark apartment at night

1:42 - flower crowns from Pastel Edits

1:48 - Phil is way too into that idea...and of course “we” could move

1:59 - Dan is already done with moving and they haven’t even actually moved yet

2:07 - Dan’s face as soon as Phil says “penetrated” is quite something

2:23 - Dan leaning in to Phil poking his head...alrighty

2:30 - more than 2 years actually...the first time Phil tweeted about being annoyed by drilling was 2012(!) and then several more times - 1, 2, 3

2:44 - frolicking with a non-specific celebrity here...Dan looks like he has heard Phil talk about this several times

2:55 - yeah that could not have been helpful for filming

3:24 - Phil with the sweet explanation

3:30 - they somehow have the thinnest...5:13 - and thickest walls of all time, lol

3:38 - Dan talked about these noises in the now-privated tour of the first London flat video he did shortly after they moved in

3:54 - those poor neighbors actually

4:20 - jumpcut into Dan giggling

4:36 - just yikes...also “crack-cam” and the battery slowly draining 😂

4:46 - again with the mess especially straighteners (that Dan’s not using at this point, btw...) and other things plugged in makes me so nervous

5:03 - footage from 2017 WANTS ME DEAD

5:24 - maybe why they moved into a much newer building here and a complete new-build for the forever home

5:30 - “that’s happened a few times” very nonchalant there

5:37 - don’t remember if that footage was ever in a video before, but Phil did tweet about mice back in 2013 (1, 2)

5:52 - even Phil’s sarcasm is coming out a bit here

6:00 - why did they keep that for so many years if they hated it

6:10 - I have questions but I don’t think I want to know the answer... 😳

6:16 - the props box! that comes as-is (to the filming flat)

6:22 - pretty sure that wig was a reject from the Pastel Edits video, not the anime video

6:28 - okay Phil...

6:32 - this is so cute and I love Dan’s little giggle behind the camera about them doing this

6:51 - awww, I love piano Dan and that he’s planning to get another one (and now... 😭)

6:57 - ahahaha...is the butt chair the thing Phil hates like Dan hates the golden pig?

7:12 - “that’s Phil’s request” 🥺 

7:13 - again with the mess, help

7:18 - would love to know about the decision to leave this bit in the video

7:37 - that does seem like the worst design decision

7:52 - we’re keeping the sofa crease (but only in the filming flat)

8:00 - Phil had also tweeted about injuring himself on that coffee table (1, 2)

8:14 - ahahaha, DanAndPhilCRAFTS

8:25 - it really was but they did make it work

8:37 - “they have definitely seen a lot of butts”...great. also Dan has a cross-stitch of one of his tweets there

8:40 -  🎵 too many stairs. too many stairs...too many stairs 🎵

9:01 - is that that bathroom window...you can definitely see through it 👀

9:10 - the reassurance there

9:24 - I love the “wot...no.” 😂

9:39 - awww Phil with his nostalgia

9:51 - also the reminiscing is too much 😭

9:54 - more from THE WARDROBE

10:08 - “this new place is going to look exactly the same...” I really think they had planned to mostly just show the filming flat (with most of the “Dan and Phil” stuff in it and keep the living flat private, but they got lazy with that pretty quickly after the move. The first glimpse of the living flat was on Phil’s Instagram.

10:19 - this is the last video on Phil’s channel from this flat. One more on Dan’s channel though

10:32 - this outro footage must have been filmed later after they had more packed

10:33 - I also want to talk about the post-it note system they seem to have in this. They don’t mention it here, but Phil talks about using a similar system during the next move. There are two post-it colors in this video: blue - 7:00 on the full-length mirror; 10:38 on the other full-length mirror; and pink - 7:50 on the lounge rug, 7:57 on the Hulk and Iron Man pictures; 10:35 on Dan’s bedspread (I think?) and the black desk; 10:38 on some of the art from Phil’s wall. I’m pretty sure they were using blue to indicate what went to the living flat and pink for what went to the filming flat, because that is where all of those things end up

I love this video a lot. I think they must have filmed this ahead of the Australia trip that I talked about in the last post, because they seem to have moved almost immediately after getting back. Although with DNP and their usual lack-of-planning-ahead, who knows, ahahaha.

They had moved (but were still unpacking) by April 27 when they did a live show from the new place. Dan also shared this amazing creep shot that Phil took the day before that. 

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

The Video

Alrighty, so as promised, I listened-slash-watched-slash-backtracked the video over making and eating dinner, with a break in between to take a phone call from my sister, so I may have missed and misunderstood/misheard a few things and may need another rewatch to fix any presumptions I make in this mini (?)-review.

Two things I do need to correct from my last post:

One is that I actually was sent the video to pre-watch before it was posted; I found it in my emails two days later but because I was swamped with day job stuff (as in I was working until 11 PM both days, and I didn’t even sit down until 4 on Saturday), and my fandom email is NOT a primary address so it’s not hooked up to my main Mail server on my MacBook (limited space), I hadn’t checked my emails since Thursday afternoon. So yeah, technically I should’ve known it was out, so apologies: technically I knew it was coming out; my sorry arse just didn’t check my emails.

Second, is that meta I did send her did get referenced and used; some of it word for word (like the discussion about the difference between Johnlockers and TJLC) so meta was read, my bad on assuming it wasn’t before watching.

C’est ça on that front.

A few things that ruffled my feathers and maybe I misheard, but I’ll mention them as I remember it:

I did find it slightly bothersome that the assumption was that Johnlockers that we were a bunch of teenagers (we weren’t – most of the people I talked to were in their 20′s and 30′s and many were academics of varying sorts). SZ was younger than many of us in our little corner of the fandom, I think, and it was filled with amazing meta and university-level papers on queer history, ACD canon history, subtextual writing and literature.  EDIT: I did skim back over to a bit of the beginning since I missed it over making dinner, and I guess a lot of the people who contacted SZ were teens at the time of the airdate, so again, my little bubble and all that and apologies for assuming. :P

This is a totally biased view and probably indicative of how deep down the rabbit hole I was: A bit annoyed at the implication in our belief that Mofftiss weren’t trying to deliberately imply the Gay Sherlock / BiJohn thing especially paying special attention to it during Q&As and meet and greets and interviews; That the cues weren’t there. Though she did point out the queerbaiting aspect of it. I don’t know. Maybe I misunderstood since I was stuffing my gob with pasta and wishing I had a cheesecake.

I think SZ should’ve worded her Twitter callout post a LOT better, because the cons were only mentioned for about 10 minutes, and in only in relation to the drama. She did praise the cons as a positive experience for people, so I’ll give her that.

The Twitter stuff pre-vid-posting still rubs me the wrong way.

Still feel that selling the shirts is tasteless. Mug is cute, though.

Things I did find interesting / good / stuff I didn’t know:

I know I’m a minority in this regard, especially since I am a fence sitter, but I feel... relieved? sorry I can’t think of the word... that SZ essentially did accuse Mofftiss of queerbaiting by the end of it – that it’s not just us who see it. I’ve always said without an S5, it IS queerbaiting, and given that S5 probably won’t happen anytime soon... well. Like I’ve said in the past, I hold out a glimmer of hope. Not holding my breath though.

The mentions of some of the fandom theories and speculations were done tastefully, light jesting but not mocking them.

The discussion section about AA / Mary... Yikes. I forgot it got THAT bad.... I guess because I was always in the “Mary’s a kickass villain” camp so I was blissfully ignorant about that stuff until a few years later. 

The ace stuff, 100% true, and I’m glad it was brought up.

The term “Ragnalock” got a chuckle out of me, will admit that. First time I’ve heard of it.

I had no idea the ARG theory was anything more than thelostspecial website. Somehow I missed that whole thing about it being part of the series itself.

And, a lot of things, in hindsight: just an overall, “yeah. :|”

And some additional notes I can’t really classify one way or another:

Cringing at MYSELF because of some of the post-S4 theories that, looking back: oof. Apple Tree Yard specifically. 

AND cringing at myself because I know I perpetuated a lot of the “IT WILL HAPPEN” in my corner of the fandom pre-S4 because I wanted people to be excited for a new season. For that I am very sorry to everyone who were hurt by my belief. S4 was a brick wall and I hit it hard, thought I do enjoy theorizing about how fake it was. It’s the only way to cope for me, LOL.

Ooof the drama stuff, a lot of it I didn’t know the entire deets about, only about the PPG being involved. I tried to stay out of it when I could and focused mainly on meta writing, my own healing processes, and making people feel welcome. It’s what a few bigger bloggers did for me when I joined by interacting with my posts and offering their kindness, and I wanted to return the favour. Inevitable it had to be covered, but yeah, dark times.

LOOOOOOOL the critique about TFP. Literally stuff that we’ve talked about in our “something’s fucky” tag. 

And to address the elephant in the room: Yes, I DID give SZ meta, but it was the link to fandom meta that is essentially on the header of my blog on desktop, just as I do with anyone interested in the fandom.

Overall, it was a thought provoking vid, a bit of a nostalgia hit to be honest. I thought that it was a good video, interesting in that strange way where you relive strange moments of your past. I feel it was a fair analysis of the fandom, but please, please remember: I can’t speak for those directly involved in the events mentioned, because I WAS NOT THERE. Not my place to disregard their feelings if they have a different opinion than I. 

That said, I think it’s worth a watch if only to see what the fandom WAS. But it’s informative and respectful, I think. Though, I think she could’ve left out the bit at the end just before the credits.

And finally: to anyone who are coming here from the vid: I have been here since S3, joined because of LSiT, and later I wrote villain Mary meta and TAB meta. These days, I primarily have focussed my attentions on curating content, offering my advice on stuff, introducing newbies to the series, and trying to spread positivity, all peppered in with the random theory from time to time, and trying to atone for my... “enthusiasm”?... in the past. I like promoting community and open discussion from all viewpoints, as long as it remains respectful. So yeah, I do have some meta you can check out, just let me know what you’re looking for, and I do lots of fic recs, so if you’re looking for something, hit me up.

Cheers, all. I’m going to bed. 

[alonelyhollowgram]

I Listened To 40 (+1) King Covers

I decided to listen to a bunch of King covers since there are so many and why not? This is my feelings on them. The song is originally by Kanaria sung by Gumi. I don`t know who this post is for. Under the cut due to the length.

Flare - This is the first cover I`ve listened to, so I might be biased. I really like this one. Flare`s deep voice fits the song perfectly and she sounds great with plenty of energy.

Risu - Definitely not bad. I`m kinda missing  some pow in her voice though.

Kanata - It sounds good. I do wish she went a  bit lower in tone. Also her “hahaha”s felt more like she`s giggling, personally I prefer the clearer “Haha” ones instead. 

Towa - Towa`s voice is really great in general and I feel like it shines in songs like this. I`m not the biggest fan of  the “pah”s (0:56), it sounds like it has gone through a filter. 

Shion - Shion`s cover seems to be the most viewed cover in Hololive and I can understand that. She sings the song a  bit softer all around (1:00, for example). This makes the cover feel a bit smugger, which plays with Shion`s strengths. 

Roboco - Holy harmonies, batman! That was my first reaction. This was a unique take on the song by adding things like  harmonies and extra laughter. She sings some of the lines differently by changing the tone of her voice at certain points reflecting the lyrics. However, I feel like her voice becomes a bit too airy at some points in the songs,     especially at the high notes (0:21). This is a bit off topic, but  shout-out to the English subtitles! You can tell that effort has been put into it.

Matsuri - It sounds fine, but it doesn`t really stick out. I really like the way she rolls R in Ratata (1:28) though, so much that it`s kind of a highlight of the cover.

Watame - Her voice fits this song. I`m not entirely sure what the choir (?) is (0:52). It`s a bit strange, but it doesn`t detract from the cover. I like her “Haha”s.  

Sora - Sora`s cover isn`t very intimidating/threatening, I find it rather cute! I really like how the “pah”s goes in the left ear and in the right ear independently. The instrumental kinda sticks out too.

Reine - Wooow. That was great! I`m at the point that I can really appreciate someone having a different take on this  song. The remix sounds good, the MV adds a lot of energy and Reine sounds good too, of course.

Sukoya - Let`s finally step out of Hololive. Yeah, this is pretty good. She sings this a bit softer (like Shion) which fits her well.

Chima - Good. This cover uses a bit of an echo thing which I think makes it sound better (1:07).

Asano Sisters - I think the one singing is Ruri? I`m not familar with them. It doesn`t really stick out, but she sings it well. 

Nui - Her voice is smooth. She also uses the choir effect, not as effectively as others though. Not the biggest fan of her “Haha”s.

Kizuna Ai - This is the 15th one I`ve listened to in a row She sings it well, but it doesn`t stick out.

Gero - This is the first cover by a guy I`ve listened too. Just that makes it special. I like it a lot. The instrumental sounds unique with an organ sound at times and it has extra voice effects.

Luz - This one uses a lot of backing voices like a creepy whisper and more. Pretty OK all around.

Meychan - Pretty good. Not much more to add.

Nanana - This one surprised me. It was a  pretty standard cover until 1:40 when her voice became deeper, and the  avatar changed to someone with shorter hair! Very exciting. Just by being different makes this one better.

Soraru - He sounds good. I like his “Haha”s.

Kagura Nana - Pretty good. She adds laughter in the     background sometimes and puts her voice through a filter. It makes it     sound different. The last “you are king” (2:14) was really     cute. 

Lumi Celestia - This cover was sung very soft and airy. It doesn`t sound as good as I`d like. Another shout-out to the English subtitles. They are really nice.

Kotone - I like her voice. Sounds strong. 

Kuzuha - I think this might be the cover with the most views. Wow. i get it. He sounds good and the song fits him.

Shien - His voice is nice. It fits the song. His “haha”s are a bit weak.

Alfakyun - There are multiple people singing  this, right? It sticks out on that alone. Well, it sounds nice.

Rinu - I like how she sings this. Makes it feel  different than the others. 

Honma - Wow the MV! I haven`t been this  excited since Reine`s cover. I`m not that into her voice, it`s a bit too squeaky.  

Inamtr/ 猪七 祭 -いな まつり -  This one gave me quite the laugh haha.

Rion - This was nice. Her laughs were cute.      

Tojiro - I wasn`t very into his voice, but sometimes he sings kind of like a growl which is interesting. 

Shima - Back with the choir and organ thing. It sounds fine, but it doesn`t stick out.

Mafumafu feat.  nqrse - This was a pleasant surprise. It starts off with an original rap. This version is a duet. Both do a good job, the inclusion of nqrse was a good decision. It sticks out a lot.

Tamaki - It`s fine. He doesn`t sound as good with the high notes though.

Sukoya (again) - Turns out there is another version. This time it`s a remix by DJ WILDPARTY. At this point I`m just happy for something different. It sounds good, but some parts are better than others. 

Utako Suzuka - This one reminds me of Nanana`s cover because both change their voices to be more masculine later in the song. I prefer Nanana`s cover over this one, but it still sounds fine.

Melissa - This cover isn`t that different from the rest, but I like it a lot. They sing it well and from 1:55 and to the end is unique with the growl Melissa does and more. 

Kaida Haru - This cover can get rather breathy at points lol. I`m not the biggest fan of that. 

Chigusa - I think this song shows off her vocals well. This is another that changes voices in the middle of the song. From short hair to long hair this time contrasting the others that changes the voices. It sounds good.

Leona - Her voice fits this song well. Sounds nice all around. I`m into it.

*Belmond - It`s been a couple days since I listened to the King covers, so the break gave me time to clear my mind. The first though I had after listening to Belmond`s version is wow. He made the song his own. The first 30-ish seconds was quite the first impression. I thought it was really cool. The entire instrumental felt like that to me, it was nice. Belmond`s voice is so powerful in this song. It sounds good, and it complements the instrumental well. The video itself is also nice. The smoke is a nice touch.

I`m done! Wow, that took some time. I was probably more open to the starting ones than the rest. I guess that`s what happens after listening to the same song so many times. I`ll take a long break from this song haha. 

 Anyway, here is a list of the standouts:

Flare: She was the first cover I listened to and I do really like it.

Reine: This one was very good. Definitely worth a listen.

Roboco: This was very unique. 

Nanana: The change is pretty cool.

Inamtr: This one gave me a laugh.

Mafumafu feat.  nqrse: Another unique one.

*Melissa: Yeah, I thought this one was nice.

*Belmond: This might be recency bias kicking in, but still.

(* signifies an edit.)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #367

“i should warn you that you may fuck me, but chances are i’m gonna fuck you over”

Where was the last place you went for vacation? The beach. When was the last time you wore makeup? Halloween. Do you watch soaps or drama series? If so, which ones? Not currently. What’s your favourite tomato variety? I hate tomatoes. What was your very first pet like? Dad had a dog named Trigger when I was born, but I have no memory of her, so I'm excluding her. I consider our first family pet to be Chance, a cat my mom took in after finding her literally in the trash. She was... god, incredible. She was a loyal friend, and I can imagine no greater mother than she was (she legit fought off a rottweiler head-on to protect her kittens). She was so smart, so gentle, and just simply amazing. I'll always miss her. What was the best school project you remember doing? Looking back, despite the fact it TERRIFIED me before, that would be my senior project presentation. It was about snake misconceptions and fallacies, so I made a slideshow to present to the special ed class. I made drawings for them to color, word searches, all that kind of stuff. They were just the sweetest and seemed really into it. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? None. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I really... don't like thinking about this. Like I'm weak enough now at 25, I can't imagine how my, say, 60s would be. I hope and just about pray that my physical health will improve, but I'm just going to exclude that part entirely from this answer. Personality-wise and such, I have a feeling I'll be the quiet and sweet kind, the one that loves her (hopeful) spouse like crazy, and comes most alive on Halloween if I live in a place where children come trick-or-treating. I imagine I would LOVE that. I'd love to be the type that goes on morning jogs to help stay spry. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington might be tied. Both were so, so sudden. Steve was like, invincible to my childhood eyes, and when I heard about Chester's death, I thought it was just a sick rumor. Two amazing people that died way too soon. What’s the craziest colour you’d dye your hair? That would depend on personal opinions. I want to dye my hair LOTS of colors though, if that tells you anything. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus. It's a pretty short game if you know what you're doing, and it's super relaxing to me and just so goddamn pretty to look at. Every time I've played it has just been a pleasant experience. Do you like meatloaf? Yeah, it's fine. How about Meatloaf? I know who he is, but I've never really listened to his music. Do you take time to do charitable work? If so, what do you do? No. ;_; Especially with all the free time I have, I really should... What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Okay, don't ask, but if I for a SECOND see that commercial of Mr. Clean dancing while he's cleaning, I will die because of memories. What is something you hope you will never inherit from a specific relative? Diabetes. It runs heavily in my family. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name: The Human Centipede. No. Thank you. Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. What’s your dearest souvenir? The stuffed moose I got at Cabela's during a visit to Ohio. I named him Brownie, and he was my "childhood plushie" we all have. Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? Not in the actual area I live in, but there are DEFINITELY places where it's a pigsty of distasteful shit. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn’t count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No, that stuff doesn't interest me. What’s the most ecological thing you do? We recycle, and I also use metal straws. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. There is no fucking way I could do it. What’s your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I like Clue just because of the mystery-solving factor, and I think it's kinda cool how you can think ahead and use other's findings to your own advantage to win the game pretty early. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Some German. It's gotten pretty weak with neglect, though. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you’ve been? This is a complicated answer that I just don't feel like elaborating on. What’s the most freeing thing you’ve ever done? Letting Jason go. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, and I'm not interested. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? Honeysuckles. What has been your worst restaurant experience? Well, it's a fast food restaurant, but lemme tell you about my vegetarian encounter with Burger King. I ordered their veggie burger. Which they have. It's not a secret. These idiots gave me a bun with tomato and lettuce, and I think mayo on it, after sounding confused when Mom was ordering for me. Mom went back in there of course to tell them, and oh god was the manager pissed, lol. I got my veggie burger in the end. What’s the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Some sexually inappropriate jokes can still get me sadly, lol. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? Not literally, but boy do I think depression counts. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else’s? If so, why? Y E P. I can't tell you why, I just... do it. I look at other's successes and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?", and beat myself up about being a failure. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, runny eggs, many other things because I'm just mega picky. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Just the spray paint kind that vendors like to do at the beach and stuff. I don't remember any I got, though. What does your favourite mug look like? It's black with a Markiplier quote on it, given to me by Sara. :') Do you ever read other people’s survey answers? Yeah! Friends', anyway. I love learning all the obscure things about them. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, specifically early morning, because it's better for my depression. Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? A follower that isn't afraid to speak up when I'm really against something. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? I've been really into "7empest" by Tool lately, and the synthwave edit of "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who was your favourite character? I don't remember it well, but I think I liked the butler. Was there even a butler? Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') Do you have any plants in your home? No. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous colour you use? I only ever use black. What was the last photograph you took? My cat being adorable while sleeping. <3 Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? No. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer? I absolutely hated it. Do you have a headache at the moment? Yes, actually. I've really been attacked by the Covid shot side effects. Are your parents still together? No, thank god. What was the last hot food you ate? I made a chicken and I think pesto (some Italian noodles, idk) Healthy Choice bowl for dinner last night. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. :( Do you ever feel afraid people will question your sanity? I'm sure people have before, and back then? Rightfully so. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Always. It's so weird how it's gotten worse with time since leaving school, even though I write... Were you a straight A student in math? Yeah, no. I usually got Bs or Cs. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. I don't really like yellow. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Have a stable job. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES. Do you feel a connection to the moon? It's not something I think about, so not really, but I do believe all things in the universe are connected in some way. We are simply a part of nature, as all else is. What does your heart long for? Contentment in who I am and where I am in life. I know I also miss being in love. Do you know what your purpose in life is? We have no innate purpose; we make our own, and I want mine to be to show others that there is always hope for yourself in yourself, and also to spread the message of love of all animals. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year I didn't. I really should change that this go around. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes! They're a kind of rare sight here sadly, so when I had the opportunity to photograph a fox tragically as roadkill, it was a photographic experience I won't forget. God, I wanted to pet it (I obviously didn't), but I did talk to it about how beautiful (s)he was as I got some shots. I never had a harder time leaving one of those angels I've taken pictures of. Do you find Halloween fun or scary? FUN!!!!!! Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Not at all. What do the trees look like where you live? I mean, there's a variety, but the staple that you see literally everywhere are pine trees. What is your dream vacation? Somewhere with mountains, clear lakes, cool weather, beautiful and various wildlife... What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? The zoo in the 5th grade. It was the one occasion I got to see meerkats. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I lived for them. Do you find museums boring or interesting? I find science museums to be very, very fascinating. Art ones are great, too. What are three issues you are passionate about? LGBT rights, the pro-choice movement, and wildlife conservation, to name a few. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all. What size is your bed? Queen. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? When we were experimenting with my Klonopin dosage, I learned that 3mg was enough to knock me on my ASS. Do you like bath bombs? I mean they're pretty, but I wouldn't waste money on 'em. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Yikes, a looooooot. But this also depends on what you think qualifies as "small." Most of my favorite "small" YTers are tarantula keepers or sub-1M let's players. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier obviously, Snake Discovery, Good Mythical Morning (even if I don't watch them anymore, they are veeery dear to my heart and I will always support them), Sam & Colby... Again, there's a lot. When you don't watch TV and YT instead, you really get attached to a lot of them. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Would you believe me if I said Pussycat Dolls? haha Do you like Disney movies? Um, DUH. Were you ever in the popular crowd? No. Have you ever used an outhouse? UGH, at like childhood sports games, yes. I could NEVER nowadays, oh my god. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I have the creativity to, but not the dedication. Are there any foods that make you gag? Beans, for one. I just canNOT with them. It's a completely involuntary reaction. Have you ever had blonde highlights in your hair? I think I did? Who was the last person you video-chatted with? The lady who was seeing if I qualified for TMS therapy. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Definitely not, I love those. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I don't actually want one, but if I did, I'd go to a serious professional to get THE Darkiplier smile. :') If u know u know. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you think half blonde/half dark brown hair is attractive? It looks great on some people, but it's not my favorite combo.

[sailorzakuro]

STRICTLY LAUNCH 2020 PARTY POST

Idk I’m excited lol this probably won’t be very well thought out cos I am tired I am on a sugar crash I had 2 giant sugary chocolate chip cookies and quite a bit of alcohol so like sorry for the informality but did you ever expect that from my Strictly posts now these are a mess letting anyone new know 😁👍.

Caroline Quentin and Johannes Radebe - Okay she seems kind of short to be paired with a tall fellow but YOU SHOULD KNOW I LOVE JOHANNES and I have a soft spot for Caroline even though I never liked Men Behaving Badly I have to stan comedy actresses 😂. SO YEAH THIS IS A GOOD ONE 😂.

Clara Amfo and Aljaz Skorjanec - Again, another short woman tall bloke pairing (that’s how it looks anyway) but they seem to get along well so... good for them? 😂. Idk I was too excited for Bill Bailey and the hot boxer to pay attention to some of these 😂. Again, if you are new to these, I am VERY biased 😂. These are so bad lmao.

Ranvir Singh and Giovanni Pernice - Heights match lol but again I don’t think I was paying much attention at this point but in all honesty I don’t think any pairing are bad so 😂. (LOL EDIT I just saw their video again and wow she is actually a lot shorter than him rip).

HRVY (come on mate) and Janette Manrara - This one low key was not expecting but it makes sense, she’s short, he’s 12, perfect match 😂.

Jason Bell and Luba Mushtuk - Okay again I have fuck all to say about the pairing so I’ll just say that I knew it was Luba from the second they showed a preview of her on that football pitch like I never knew Luba was so easily identifiable 😂. Also the way his American accent says “Tottenham Hotspur” sounds so much cooler than when we say it 😂.

Jamie Laing and Karen Hauer - OKAY THIS WAS THE MOST SURPRISING WTF I think we were all absolutely expecting him to be with Oti again but nope he’s got the woman who taught CHRIS FUCKING RAMSEY THE LEGEND how to dance so he has a bright future 😂. Even though he was first paired with the winner ANYWAY I love that from the back they look like the same person 😂.

Nicola Adams OBE (yes I’m keeping that in her name) and Katya Jones - Another plot twist of the night, I was still secretly praying it would be Oti, someone convinced me it would be Janette, the nation thought it would be Karen (KAREN thought it would be Karen), then they give us Katya 😂. IS IT BECAUSE THERE’S NO CHANCE OF HER HAVING A DRUNKEN AFFAIR WITH THIS PARTNER??? Cos honestly that’s a good idea 😂. But HI I HAVE THE FATTEST CRUSH ON NICOLA THIS IS GONNA SLAY ME ESP WITH KATYA’S CHOREO I THINK I’M GOING TO DIE HELP.

Jacqui Smith and Anton du Beke - And the most obvious pairing of the night goes to 😂. With Anton’s partners for the most part it’s “who’s the oldest or has the least societal approved body type” so yeah everyone saw this coming rip Anton’s chances it’ll be another few years before he gets another decent crack 😂.

Maisie Smith and Gorka Marquez - GORKA’S BAAAAACK and he got paired with a wotsit rip okay ngl this is probably my least favourite pairing (not cos of Gorka I stan a king) cos like this woman already knows how to dance she won the Children In Need one last year WHY IS SHE HERE 😂. She’s very excited and I’m happy for her but how excited can you be for something you’ve already done you know 😂. Also SHE IS YOUNGER THAN ME SHE IS MONTHS YOUNGER THAN ME AND SHE IS DANCING WITH A 30 YEAR OLD yeah I don’t like this 😂.

JJ Chalmers and Amy Dowden - Not much to say here rip but they don’t look bad at all 😂.

Bill Bailey and Oti Mabuse - BILL BAILEEEEEEEEY joint favourite omg my favourite pro with one of the greatest comedians of all time HOW CAN I NOT STAN 😂. I do find it ironic though that last year Oti was originally paired with Jamie and Karen got the comedian, and this year Karen’s been paired with Jamie and Oti got the comedian 😂. BUT I STAN you should also know that my favourites are USUALLY the comedians I’m a comedian what can I say (and I can say that with more credit now cos I’m like actually actively trying to get into stand up pandemic set me RIGHT back but just before it all kicked off I was getting help from a comedian at the place I volunteer and he actually read my stuff and ACTUALLY thought I was funny so...).

Max George and Dianne Buswell - I feel like it’s gonna be a trend where Dianne gets good partners that go out really early... NOT THAT I THINK MAX WILL BE A REPEAT OF DEV like maybe that was a mistake on BBC voting idk but even if he’s really good I’d be concerned for Max’s safety cos with the momentum Dianne has for going out with Joe it could hit back again... all I’m saying.

Anyway that’s it! Overall decent pairings, some surprising, some obvious 😂. But I’m looking forward to this series!! Week 1 is NEXT WEEK so not as long to anticipate it 😂.

[purplesurveys]

1141

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Do you have a favourite day of the week? What is it about that day that you like so much? I feel like I just answered this recently, but let’s go with Friday again. Always nice to fade out after work and to finally close all my work tabs and chats, and not feel obligated to reply to anyone for a couple of days.

2 - Would you describe yourself as a sociable person or not? I’m not the most sociable person, like I don’t always have the energy to be at the maximum level of perky, but I am to an extent. I no longer find it difficult to approach people and strike up a conversation.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to out-loud? What did you speak to them about? My mom. My former director, Ysa, sent me a scented candle earlier tonight - as a parting gift since she got promoted and got reassigned to my employer’s sister company - and I just asked my mom to light the candle up because I’m scared of matches and fire.

4 - Do you prefer tea or coffee? Coffee; I never drink tea.

5 - What's your ideal weather? When was the last time you had that kind of weather where you live? Any kind of weather where the temperature is anywhere below 25ºC (which is already considered quite chilly here) is fine with me.

6 - Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Does virtual count? I had a Jeopardy night on Zoom with my orgmates a couple of weeks ago. I might miss out on a couple of people, but I was with Peter, Elis, Andi, Carmel, Robin, Laurice, and Mik. Apart from that, my uncle treated me, my kuya, and my cousin Luke to lunch the morning after said Zoom call.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Oh my god, just this afternoon. I was in a Zoom call with a client and besides our PR agency, there was another marketing agency in the call who was also pitching their presentation deck. The entire call was pure bliss on my end, no one was making noise at home – the second it came to my speaking parts, Cooper started howling and barking like crazy because idk, maybe he saw an animal outside or something?? In any case it suddenly got very loud and I got caught off-guard, and I ended up stuttering several times as I was trying to focus.

8 - Do you have to wear a uniform at work or school? If not, what do you tend to wear? The only time I had to wear a legit uniform was in private school, which I attended from preschool to high school. We do have business casual dress code at work, but that in itself is pretty flexible so I don’t really count it as a ‘uniform.’

9 - Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Indoor cinema. I watch a lot of things that I’d love to be able to view with a much bigger screen - plus it’s a lot easier to maintain than a pool, lol.

10 - When was the last time you were at the beach? August 2019 :(

11 - Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. My parents also advise against getting my own credit card since I could pick up some bad spending habits from it, according to them. That sounds scary enough so I’m ok with my debit card.

12 - What do you tend to wear to sleep in? Does this vary depending on the time of year? Usually something light, short, and airy since I live in a tropical country that never gets to enjoy temperatures lower than like 23ºC.

13 - What do you tend to have for breakfast, if you eat it? Fried rice, hotdogs, and bacon strips are filling enough for me.

14 - If someone offered to cook you a three-course-meal of your choosing, no budget - what would you have? Oysters, filet mignon, and macarons.

15 - How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Anywhere between 7–9 during weekdays, and like 3–4 during weekends because revenge bedtime procrastination is real. Yeah, I’d say it’s enough on both ends.

16 - Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We have neither.

17 - When was the last time you did a load of laundry? Do you need to do some in the near future? I don’t do the laundry at home.

18 - Are you addicted to anything legal? What about illegal? I guess vaping? I’m a lot more reliant on it now versus the past few months, and I get a little restless whenever I have to charge it for an hour or so. 

19 - Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? A little bit, but I obviously haven’t had to express it in a while because of my much-lessened time on the road due to Covid. Standstill traffic is the biggest factor, but standstill traffic + stupid drivers who are impatient and end up not following the road lanes is the quickest way to irritate me and set me off.

20 - What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? I have no idea, and that’s precisely because I live in the suburbs in a city which would not make them a common sight.

21 - How is your hair styled at the moment? Low side ponytail.

22 - Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Not as much as I used to. I’ll probably post 5–7 tweets (versus the 50+ I’d post when I was younger) and share like 1–3 Facebook posts a day. I could talk about pretty much everything on Twitter since that’s my main dump - be it rants, my feelings, what I ate, the latest dumb thing Cooper did, etc. On Facebook I mostly share memes, at least family-friendly ones that wouldn’t alert my relatives lol.

23 - What are you watching/listening to at the moment? Nothing for either. I can hear some birds chirping outside since it’s finally getting brighter again, but that’s it.

24 - If you have multiple pets, do they all get along with each other or are there sometimes fights/scuffles? Cooper has actually finally settled down a bit so I’m starting to feel more comfortable letting him out with Kimi in the same room/floor. He understands that Kimi doesn’t like being disturbed so even though he’s in the mood to run around and be energetic and play catch or whatever, he always takes the time to tip-toe around Kimi. They’re not best buds by any means, but it’s enough to leave them be and not worry about a fight breaking out anymore. Sweet boys.

25 - What are some habits you have in common with your parents? My dad excessively blinks when he’s feeling tense or in an argument; I ended up picking that up from him. With my mom, it’s mostly phrases or expressions that she likes to use.

26 - Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? Beaches.

27 - When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? I either remember the page number or do a tiny dog-ear. Bookmarks aren’t the right match for me lol, I’ll most likely end up losing them.

28 - What's your favourite kind of cereal? Sweeter ones.

29 - Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? Yeah, my neck had actually been seriously stiff during my last shift and I couldn’t move my head unless I moved my entire body along with it. It’s died down now but I can definitely still feel the strain. My left shoulder in particular feels very strained at the moment and I’m feeling a considerable level of discomfort from it as I take this.

30 - What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? 2 Days 1 Night, the usual. The Korean style of video editing is phenomenal and can literally make anything funny.

[birlcholtz]

you did bittyholtz so now how about bittyrans

bittyrans you say??? this is so fucking long it’s over 2.5k i’ve written full ass fics shorter than this i am going to bED

it starts with the PSLs, as so many things do. (do they???? idk i’ve only had like 2 psls in my life) PSLs turn into rans and bitty having weekly scheduled ‘get coffee and talk about the absolutely obscene lifestyle choices of the rest of our team,’ featuring holster and jack’s wardrobes, the green couch, and shitty’s inability to chew without talking at the same time, among other things

and THEN ‘coffee and bitch’ sessions turn into 'coffee and talk about whatever u feel’ sessions and eventually it just becomes a Thing. saturday mornings are for ransom and bitty. there’s still a lot of 'coffee and bitch’ happening, because it’s not like holster’s adidas slides and socks combo just went away, but they realize it’s not just expensive lattes and a half decent sense of fashion and hygiene that unites them. 

they deal with academic pressure in such different ways that it’s almost impossible to notice the similarities until they start talking more and more and realize they both feel that pressure (ransom because everything he turns in has to be perfect, bitty because he has a ridiculously hard time concentrating on things that don’t interest him, like for instance many of his classes), it’s just that ransom has nervous breakdowns that feature a lot of crying under the table and bitty bakes things as therapy until he’s forgotten all about whatever he needed to do.

so what happens when eric bittle (unofficially voted cutest member of smh 80 times) and justin oluransi (the most beautiful man at samwell) hang out a lot?

well, the first thing that happens is that people stare at them a lot as they walk around but ransom genuinely doesn’t notice because this happens to him all the time it’s never *not* happened and bitty notices but he figures it’s just because Ransom. u know.

ransom also finds bitty’s vlog, watches like 8 videos immediately (holster: dude are u ok), and barrels into the kitchen with his laptop in hand like BITTY CAN WE MAKE THIS

and bitty’s like oh sure! and ransom’s like. no. i mean can WE make this. i want to learn to make it and bitty’s like FUCK yeah

over the course of learning to make this dish ransom successfully wheedles bitty into letting him be on his vlog, bitty’s subscribers are Shook at this beautiful man just suddenly appearing when bitty has literally never had a guest before. he and ransom struggle to call each other by their first names the entire time and it’s fun and silly and they DO actually get a decent pie in the oven so it’s a success ('teaching my teammate to bake a _____’ sorry i didn’t think of a recipe lol. fill in whatever u want)

and then the comments on that video blow up, mostly with comments about ransom, some are just about how beautiful he is, some are like eric…. >.> why is this man on your channel when nobody else has ever been. eric do you have a boyfriend and where did you find him

bitty reads all these comments and does Not mention them to ransom but he’s mildly flattered that these people just assumed he was dating rans. because it’s hard to stand next to ransom and still feel attractive oops

BUT he also gets a bunch of new subscribers, which is why he asks ransom if he wants to be on the vlog again a few weeks later and ransom is like oh HELL yes

but it’s too late. bitty’s read all the comments asking if they’re dating. he never thought about ransom in that context before but he’s read all the comments now and he can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to date him. oops

they do the second video, and bitty firmly tells himself that they’re just friends and he’s just overthinking all of those comments, but also ransom smiling directly at someone is a force to be reckoned with and bitty literally cannot stop himself from smiling back (it’s a good thing they’re the only ones in the kitchen because anyone else would probably explode from observing it. bitty smiling is much more powerful than he knows)

okay and like. if bitty thought the comments on the first video were a lot. the sECOND video with justin oluransi?? it blows up. particularly because of one part where bitty catches ransom stealing a strawberry and just gasps and goes “justin” and people lose their minds over it. eric is so appalled. justin grins in a way that is only half apologetic and immediately reaches for another one and eric literally almost yeets the pie down the counter away from him. people set it to music on tiktok (i know tiktok wasn’t a thing while they were in college let me h a v e this)

and let it be known, ransom is also reading the comments on these videos, and he sees all the ones asking if he’s bitty’s boyfriend and he’s like haha wait what and tHEn he goes back and rewatches the videos he’s been in and like?? okay he can see why they think that. bitty puts his hands over ransom’s a lot and ransom slings an arm around bitty’s shoulders a lot but that’s just normal for smh??????? right??????? RIGHT??????????

too late. they’re both overanalyzing every single interaction now

(holster: bro did you see this tiktok of you and— ransom: and bitty losing five years off his life expectancy? yeah holster: nono this one’s set to don’t rain on my parade/the sound of silence/et cetera you have to watch it)

ransom still isn’t in most of bitty’s videos because honestly most of his stuff goes way over ransom’s level of baking knowledge. but he still watches them and it’s kind of nice to watch vlogs where bitty is so obviously in his element? the way he talks to the camera is so friendly and charming and the way he bakes is so efficient and professional. and because he’s a masochist he reads the comments on those ones too and finds a lot where people are asking where justin is. but mostly he’s focused on bitty and how obvious it is that this is bitty’s THING. he just exudes confidence and happiness and it’s kind of hypnotizing honestly

(he also goes back to bitty’s earliest vlogs and is like holy shit BABY BITTY. SO SMALL. and bitty in those videos is still charming but a little less calm and collected— the editing is a little less smooth, and he can’t quite stop himself from adding editorial comments about his aunt’s and his mother’s different techniques. it’s kind of adorable. and like, bitty is still adorable— wait what just crossed ransom’s brain???)

because bitty IS adorable, just a little more put together now. he still gets more excited by discussing types of flour than anyone else ransom has ever met, and he still bops along to whatever song is stuck in his head while he bakes, and when ransom sees bitty after bingeing roughly half of his videos and feels something in his chest lighten, he figures that’s probably going to be his new normal.

and people in the comments clamor for more videos with ransom, and ransom sees these comments, and bitty does too, and ransom seeing these comments is why he pokes his head into the kitchen when he knows bitty is filming, silently waves at the camera, and then leaves again before bitty’s even noticed that he’s there. it makes it into the final cut of the video and the comments section goes wild.

ransom and bitty still hang out plenty outside of doing vlogs together— bitty eventually gets a few dollars in ad revenue from the first video ransom was in and insists that they go on a celebratory unscheduled annie’s trip. (annie’s date energy intensifies)

and while they’re at annie’s/hanging out around campus/bitty has let ransom drag him to the library for some reason bitty can’t help but wonder what it would be like if he was actually dating ransom. he can’t deny that he thinks about ransom in that way now— it’s hard NOT to honestly?? like ransom has been objectively beautiful since the first day bitty met him (and before that, but y'know, not as relevant to bitty’s life) and maybe it’s just his imagination but he thinks that ever since they’ve started making these videos ransom’s smiles have lingered just a little longer and there are more of them, too. and the vlogs have also shown bitty a side of ransom that he doesn’t see a lot, because nobody sees it a lot— ransom trying something he isn’t already good at. throwing himself into it with enthusiasm, actually, and that NEVER happens. ransom is not great at handling failure? but bitty gets to see him cut loose and relax and laugh at his mistakes and he kind of loves it and loves this version of ransom he hasn’t seen before

and ransom, for his part, has been steadily falling for the sheer force of bitty’s charisma when he’s doing something he loves, ever since he first found bitty’s vlog. and as he looks closer he realizes it’s not just the vlog— bitty has always had these depths to him, he just kind of lets them out when he’s baking? and ransom feels kind of privileged to be able to see that side of him so regularly

(also i’m just saying that ransom is very into intelligence and watching bitty fire off answers without even blinking to obscure baking questions where ransom only understands about 30% of the words is a turn on)

but ransom’s become a fan favorite on bitty’s vlog, and he keeps making recurring appearances and even improves a little at baking (which bitty always comments on when he notices an improvement— it’s half chirpy and half genuine pride), and people in the comments BEG them to do a q&a for like. a couple of months. before bitty is like uhhh if i want to make money off of this channel i gotta give the people what they want

so he makes a normal vlog but at the end ransom pops in and they’re like hey we’re gonna do a q&a for our next video where eric answers baking questions and justin is also there since y'all really want him there for some reason??? (but bitty says it nicer and less confused than that)

bitty immediately realizes why ppl want ransom to be in the q&a so bad when about 25% of the comments are about baking and the rest of them are about bitty and ransom. roughly three-quarters of THOSE fully assume they’re dating and the rest of them are just asking if they’re dating.

so bitty is like um ransom?? we should probably address this in our q&a?? everyone really wants to know if we’re dating??

and this interaction is incredibly awkward. i need you all to know that. it’s incredibly awkward because bitty is like 'okay so like YES i like ransom in more than a friend way but this is literally the worst scenario ever i literally can’t believe my subscribers are calling me out for making eyes at him’ and ransom is like 'fuck fuck fuck i want to date bitty but i don’t want to make it weird is it weird??? because of his vlog?????? what do i do??????’

but anyway then ransom is like uh yeah we should address that! and then like. says nothing

and bitty’s like uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh. sooooooooooooo. what do we say

and ransom’s like. :0. um. (the amount of ums and uhs in this conversation are astonishing let me say) well. are we dating??

and bitty genuinely can’t tell if ransom actually meant that as a question or if it was sarcastic and he says as much and ransom is like no that was a real question i actually don’t know if we’re dating or not?

and bitty is like holy shit i can’t believe this is happening what the fuck and he says well. we should um. clear that up. before the q&a

and ransom’s like yeah we should. uh. like. we COULD be dating.

and bitty’s like ….yeah yeah we could. are we?

and ransom’s like do you want to be?

and bitty’s like do you want to be?

and ransom’s like i asked first and bitty’s like damn u got me there. and then he’s like yeah i …. kinda want to be dating and ransom is like swawesome me too glad we cleared that up, how was ur lit seminar and bitty is like HOLD ON JUSTIN OLURANSI because did that just fuckin happen??? we can’t just MOVE ON from that conversation that fast????

so they wind up talking about how basically bitty’s vlog inspired Feelings in both of them and it’s very emotional because ransom is like i love that i feel like i can make mistakes around you and bitty is like i love that you put in the effort to learn about what i care about and they go to annie’s because That’s What They Do and get matching drinks as they always do and smile at each other the whole time (bitty is also literally pinching himself because What The Fuck, how did i wheel JUSTIN OLURANSI) and then they go back to the haus and start picking the questions to respond to in their q&a

ransom does get busier and can’t spend as much time in bitty’s vlogs as usual but he helps bitty plan out what he’s going to talk about when, when to post, the ideal ratio of how-to videos versus just answering questions, and with his help bitty’s vlog starts getting a lot of attention and a lot of subscribers, like, exponentially fast

(it helps that they got memed so early on)

(it also helps that their q&a video where they confirmed they were dating was fucking adorable because they talked about how they got together and how a big part of it was bc of bitty’s vlog and it’s just the sweetest goddamn thing and that video totally blows up too)

(intentional celebrity eric bittle. accidental celebrity justin oluransi.)

it gets to a point where bitty is like. making legitimate money from his vlog and he INSISTS on compensating ransom in some way (ransom: i like helping you??? bitty: and i like making my vlog doesn’t mean i don’t like getting things out of it) so they work out a system where ransom gets some money for helping bitty plan out videos and edit and he gets some more for videos he’s in and like?? they’re icons. 

some headcanons: 

ransom successfully convinces bitty to wear sperrys

bitty boops ransom’s nose so often that there are compilations of it

bitty also spends a lot of time with ransom when he’s studying for tests because being just like. physically there, like leaning on ransom’s shoulder or holding his hand helps reassure ransom a little

ransom always holds bitty’s face in his hands before kissing him and bitty thinks it’s the best thing ever

there’s an entire swallow issue about them

bitty’s name in ransom’s phone is 'eric butter

bitty tells his parents ransom has been helping him with his vlog before he tells them that they’re together, and coach is like 'nice’ and suzanne bursts with such effusive joy (because ransom is great with parents) that bitty feels himself grinning

the Thesis Battle of 2017 is less increasingly sneaky methods of convincing bitty to write his thesis and more 'bitty read this article on the pomodoro method and then work on ur thesis for twenty minutes so you can bake pie later’ (dex asks ransom if they should cut off bitty’s oven access and ransom is like hmm. well if u do just make sure it doesn’t affect how the kitchen looks because if he can’t even film vlogs answering people’s questions then he’ll be really frustrated)

ransom and bitty shop for clothes together all the time and when it’s winter clothes it’s a constant battle between things that will keep them warm and things that will look cute. they definitely have discussions where bitty’s like 'okay do you think this is warm enough for me’ and ransom’s like 'no that’s warm enough for me you’re from georgia’

both of their snapchat games are INCREDIBLY strong. ransom’s stories are a work of art and bitty is a master of filters and they are constantly communicating via snapchat

ransom also keeps track of all the memes that surface from bitty’s channel and saves them to show bitty later

bitty’s channel gets bigger and bigger and more and more popular and his creative team gets bigger and more complicated to reflect that? but at the same time ransom is always his no. 1

[herkiss-theriot]

Lol I know absolutely no one asked but here I am, arbitrarily ranking Kid Krow songs because this is a music blog now apparently and it’s my favorite album so far this year. Feel free to shoot me an ask for any elaboration or other opinions lol. Sorry for the long post. I would add a keep reading but I’m on mobile and the mobile app is somehow worse than the website. I’m also not tagging this so if this gets notes it’s not my fault. Also I’m editing the post em to say that I think this whole album is amazing and it pains me not giving every album a 10/10 bc they’re all so good

Comfort Crowd - 11/10

One of the best album intros I’ve heard compared to other albums I like. It means a lot to me and is overall a really easy song to listen to in basically any mood but is a great pick me up I think it also has one of my favorite lines on the album “you say through a sigh that I said that line already”

Wish You Were Sober - 8/10

A fun song to listen, has some solid lines. Not very relatable in my experiences but that’s also not the point lol. Favorite line(s): “knees weak, but you talk pretty fly, wow” “gettin’ good start saying gotta bounce”

Maniac - 8/10

One word titles are always fun but also -2 for some ableist language. Ik that’s not always at the top of Woke Cultures to do list but it’s a real problem and provides for some cringe vernacular choices sometimes. Overall it’s a pretty good song and is definitely one of the best on the album that’s playable even outside of the album/to people who arent into Conan. Conan apparently describes it as an “upbeat bedroom pop banger” according to genius which I guess, yeah, but what a way to describe a song. Favorite line: “we had magic, but you made it tragic”

(Online Love) - 9/10

First interlude if the album which is very exciting. Very cool idea to say that he thinks this love could be more if it were in person which translates well into current scenarios. Has a really cool guitar pattern and a nice ending. -1 bc it’s 30 seconds long favorite line: “I can’t help but imagine what maybe could’ve happened if we weren’t just an online love”

Checkmate - 10/10

Ik this was released pre-Kid Krow but god it’s one of his best songs and I’m so glad it made it on the album. It’s just got such a good energy about it and I always love chess analogies. And Ik Kid Krow Isnt a concept album by any means but I love the story arc going on of finally catching on. Favorite line(s) “cry me a river till you drown in the lake” “holding your hand but in the other one, baby I’m holding a loaded gun”

(I wrote parts for the cut that always bleeds and fight or flight and then accidentally deleted them so rip me sorry if they’re a lil short/less in depth)

The Cut That Always Bleeds - 8/10

It’s overall a great song and is really emotional but -2 bc I ugly cry to this song and get asked if I’m okay a lot lol favorite lines: “I don’t love you anymore” a pretty line that I adore”

“Can’t life another minute bleeding from my back cause I don’t have another one for you to stab”

Fight or Flight - 11/10

What a song. There’s not a lot I can say other than that it’s literally one of the greatest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s got some of the most genius song writing that I’ve heard on an album in a while. Also when I was learning to drive with my Nana i had a playlist that would go from Comfort Crowd to Fight or Flight which is an experience I recommend everyone have at least once in their life. My only criticism of this song is that it’s perception of cheating is a lil Disney-channel-esque” which maybe doesn’t make sense and also I’m fairly certain that he writes from personal experience and who am I to say he can’t write what he wants lmao.Favorite line(s) “id rather lie than tell you I’m in love with you” (one of my favorite lines EVER) “they also didn’t know that our lover loved us both.

Affluenza - 7/10

A fun song but is kind of a lot in my opinion and seems vaguely out of touch. However I do agree with the overall sentiment of eating the rich (also if you’re a trinkets fan I think this is a good song for an Elodie playlist or maybe even Tabitha depending on the perspective.) although I will say it’s a really good take on the idea of affluenza as a concept. favorite line “give me none of your affluenza”

(Can We Be Friends) - 6/10

Ik it’s an interlude so it’s kind of the point but definitely a skip most of the time even though I think the line “if anybody fucks with you I’ll knock their teeth out” gods hard. I just think one minute is a really weird time frame for a song. Sub one minute is just short enough to want more and 1:30 and perfectly acceptable for a song but one minute is v awkward

Heather - 10/10

Not amount elaboration would ever be able to perfectly encapsulates how gorgeous the idea of this song is. This idea that you wish you wish you could be someone else because you feel that this other person is otherworldly and is more deserving of the person you love. That feeling is gut wrenching. Favorite line “why would you ever kiss me, I’m not even half as pretty”

Little League - 5/10

I’m so sorry it’s just such a skip. I don’t know why but I can’t listen to this song. It reminds me of a big time rush song for some reason which isn’t a bad thing but every time I try to listen to it I think about how I think it’s a btr copy 😭 also when I do listen to it makes me cry a lot and yearning for a youth that I let waste away and I hate feeling actual feelings so minus points for that. Favorite line “when we were younger we wore our hearts out on our sleeve, why did we ever have to leave? Little league” I think it’s my favorite bc it can be interpreted in a couple of ways and I’m too tired to get into it rn

The Story - 10/10

Simple. Beautiful. One of the first Conan songs I heard. My friend was a huge Conan fan and so I listened to a couple songs like generation why and crush culture but she saw him in concert b4 kid Krow was released and took a video of The Story and I absolutely fell in love. The first time I heard it I sobbed. This idea of paralleling a bunch of failed loves and friendships in order to justify why you think yours will work is so cool and I love it a lot. Favorite line “I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works but I think that it could work for you and me.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Dan's Diss Track - ROAST YOURSELF CHALLENGE

Date video was published: 07/25/2016 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 311

Well here we are. This is one of those videos I remember watching the first time when it came out and just starting at the screen and thinking....what.

0:01 - he keeps introducing himself at the start of videos

0:06 - how did he miss so badly with the sunglasses? lol

0:12 - two months actually...remember when that was a long time between videos? 😳

0:21 - I wonder how many takes he had to do to get it to mostly line up

0:24 - lots of editing stuff too; I’m betting that took a while. The fringe will only live for about another 6 months

0:26 - oh I forgot there were cut-away scenes too, even. Nice camera panning there by Phil

0:30 - the “noodle” “poodle” rhyme is great. Also love the insert from the Audiobook Trailer because that’s the curliest his hair had been on camera at this point

0:33 - awww, fetus Dan

0:37 - “if winnie the pooh fucked slenderman” is also a great line 😂

0:38 - too real for him with the procrastination and afraid of being judged

0:44 - lol at the insert with him wearing the light-up fedora he got for Phil

0:47 - search results for just “guy youtubers”...so much Tyler Oakley

0:51 - how the fuck did I forget about this Phil clip?! christ 😂😂😂 Dan apparently wanted him to wink too, but Phil doesn’t know how lol

0:55 - love that he just included the full “reasons why Dan’s a fail” intro clip

0:58 - yeah, this took a lot of editing to put together; I’m impressed

1:02 - so many insert clips, both newly filmed ones and from old videos

1:04 - “anything embarrassing from your past you just delete” this whole video is self-aware Dan. Also love the “when you said xD unironically” joke here 😂

1:05 - didn’t realize he attempted to do the vegan thing this early on for a bit. Also “you missed the meat” with the Dan tongue-thing... 😳

1:07 - well that looks like a lot of clean-up for a 1-second clip

1:10 - tumblr call-out. I love that he has it zoomed in enough to read the post which includes the phrase...“penetrative phallic metaphor” hahaha

1:16 - well that’s a clip to include. He really does have a past insert for a lot of the things he came up with for this

1:23 - somewhat controlled falling that still does not look comfortable at all. Also, still committing to the shirtless for every in-bed clip

1:27 - ah yes this bit...the subtlety, there was none. also I love that both DNP are into Evan Peters

1:29 - he used this clip in BIG

1:31 - “it’s hard to put you in a box” ...a theme he also brought up in BIG as something he really doesn’t like

1:38 - also forgot about this bit 😂 the giant one direction post and creepy paper mask in the background do not help

1:42 - the word “obviously” is banned now

1:53 - “repress it...then cry into a slice of pizza” somehow the theme of Daniel and Depression later on

1:57 - nice giving a shoutout in the track to the person who started the challenge!

2:02 - this is one of Dan’s most-viewed videos on his channel

2:06 - “four videos a year” sad foreshadowing for 2018

2:10 - lol at pointing in the wrong direction and the “fail” annotation

So much crammed into 2 minutes of lyrics, lol. And he was being pretty open despite his usual “it’s a joke” cover. 

I love that he made this “challenge” video even though no one tagged him just because he wanted to. I love that he put so much effort into it. I just love Dan okay.

[ahmeddocuments-blog]

Day 6, (Paris: Downtown; Place de la République, Place de la Bastille, Palais-Royal, Pont Alexandre III, Eiffel Tower, Gare de Lyon), 30-9-2019

Written by Ahmed Hassan, edited and corrected by Aya Ashraf.

I just woke up and it’s my last day in Paris. That feeling is always aching my soul yet I always plan to have all of the new places right after Paris just to feel less pain leaving this city behind. Today I’m doing nothing except visit some new places I haven’t visited before, meet a friend from Brazil and then start preparing for my departure to Italy.

I started moving from home at around 7:30 AM, It was that early because I wanted to say a fine goodbye to the city. For a change, I wanted to try taking the bus to the City, discover how it feels going through the suburbs of Paris to reach the city. Took a bus near the Aulnay-sous-Bois train station and switched for another bus till I reached my first destination; Place de la République.

At the center of the square is a bronze statue of Marianne, the personification of the French Republic. The square is well known for being a protesting spot as it can contain large numbers without severely affecting traffic.

I proceeded to Place de la Bastille, another spot I wanted to visit, the place is another square centered by July column, topped by a gold Génie de la Liberté.

The Bastille square in Paris is where the Bastille prison stood until the storming of the Bastille and its destruction during the French Revolution, and with no remains in sight at the moment.

I started moving by bus to Gare du Nord. A very interesting benefit of having a free day without itinerary is how free it feels to switch to buses or walking instead of quicker transportation methods like trains and metros. It gives you that feeling of being a resident for a while, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. One of the priceless benefits of travelling is remaining silent, observing and actually listening to nothing but street noises. I can’t remember that I’ve put headphones and listened to a song during the 33 days I’ve been outside Egypt. You don’t need to escape anything anymore, you’re just there to feel and enjoy the moment, and be proud of the present that’s happening and achieving everything you’ve ever planned and dreamed of.

Trying to waste time before meeting a Brazilian friend of mine, I had another walk from Gare du Nord. I passed by Église Saint-Vincent-de-Paul, the scene looked cinematic; people were sitting on the stairs leading to the building entrance in the middle of a Parisian street, and behind them a very symmetrical building of the church itself.

I continued my long walk and passed by the Opera again, nothing looks the same when you’re saying goodbye. I mean, I still remember how it felt leaving Paris the year before. The feeling is indescribable when you’re looking at anything knowing it’s the last time to do so. The image below might seem like a regular picture of a street in Paris, but it was me observing that golden statues, street noises and beautiful buildings for the last time for a long time.

In realization that I’m closer to visiting Palais-Royal, I started moving to the Palace to check another place I’ve never visited. Palais-Royal is a former French royal palace, and now it’s the headquarter of Ministry of Culture, the Conseil d'État and the Constitutional Council.

The Palace is famous for tourists for Les Deux Plateaux, which are rows of columns with different heights put in an old parking lot. The columns were put in this place between 1986 and 1985, and it’s been a touristic spot since then.

I mean come on, this looks like fun!

The palace also features very fine gardens, which I like to describe as gardens inside a building inside a city.

And like Versailles, the gardens had this set of trees aligned in a very symmetrical scene.

I was about to leave the palace, but couldn’t do it before stealing another symmetrical shot. (Okay it’s not very symmetrical and i’m personally hurt the lanterns aren’t perfectly aligned lol)

Moving on, the Palace’s exit was right in front of the Louvre’s side entrance. And no matter how stunning and breathtaking the main entrance with the pyramid looks, the side entrance fits the authenticity and classic side of the Louvre.

I started walking along the Seine, Moving towards Châtelet. I passed by Pont Neuf, Notre Dame, Fountain Saint-Michel, Hôtel de Ville, Centre Pompidou and ending my long walk at Les halls, the famous mall in Châtelet. I had a fast meal at a Burger King nearby, then started moving again to the Louvre.

The sky was very colorful and a bit clear that day, I had an amazing time sitting near the fountain of Jardin des tuileries. A fountain, ducks, fine architecture, good sky view, all in an indescribable harmony creating a scene I’ll never forget.

I finally received a notification of the arrival of Samuel, that Brazilian friend i’m meeting. We’ve met on Couchsurfing and agreed to tour the city together. He had just arrived from Madrid to Paris so he depended on me to show him around. In one trip, I showed the city to two people who briefly described me as a “local” because of the way I fully memorized city information like the landmarks and the streets.

We met and started to introduce each others, he started complementing my Instagram posts and telling me he’s been dying to see Paris the way I show it in my pictures. I was extremely happy because I’m someone who’s very proud of his Instagram account, I count it as one of my strongest assets of memory preservation. When I introduce or share this account with people, I always tend to mention that it’s like a museum for Ahmed Hassan, as my photographs capture my timeline for the past few years, showing the development of tastes and interests, also what i’ve lived, witnessed and documented during this time.

Continuing our conversation about pictures, Samuel asked me to photograph him near the Louvre. He was amazed of how he pays no effort in explaining what exactly he needs to see in the captured photos. We started discussing various topics like cultural difference, travelling and photography. Samuel wanted to visit the Eiffel tower so bad and start posing for photos next to it. He asked me for good shots for it, I suggested we take a walk along the Seine, crossing Pont Alexandre lll, passing by Les Invalides till hitting Champs de Mars right behind Eiffel Tower.

The below photo was the last photo I took for the Louvre, It was me saying goodbye to on of my favorite places on earth.

Moving from the Louvre, we walked and talked along the Seine, capturing some fine scenery for the landmarks, showing it all like a postcards you wanna receive so bad.

Below is Musée d'Orsay

Pont de la Concorde

And finally one of the best -and saddest- pictures ever, a sunset in Paris. Why saddest? It’s my last sunset there. It looks like an oil painting that has a presence that never fades, or even fails to remind you of what you’ve felt taking such picture.

We passed by Pont Alexandre lll, and the bridge never fails to be impressive at any time of the day. The timing was perfect because we got to capture a golden bridge under golden weather.

It’s my favorite bridge in Paris, and It never fails to remind me of the first time I recognized it in Adele’s “Someone like you” music video. I’m no drama queen, or maybe sometimes I am haha, but I slightly felt the same that day walking there, and yeah, nothing is the same when you’re saying goodbye. I’m intending to describe more on that matter, you feel like you’re aching in a way that doesn’t show a physical pain, everything you’re hearing sounds the same, yet you feel it’s distorted. It’s complicated, Anyway, here’s another picture of the bridge capturing Les Invalides.

Moving forward, He asked for amazing places to capture the Eiffel tower inside the city itself, so I suggested the below location I initially used for my Trip in 2018.

We continued walking towards Champs de Mars and when we arrived, Samuel was astonished of how the tower looks marvelous the closer you get closer, we arrived there a few minutes before it got all lit so we captured both moments.

And same way with the lights starting to glow

We got closer for a better shot, and captured one of my finest Eiffel tower photos ever!

We again moved to the Seine to pass to Trocadéro to capture my last photo of the tower, which started to light in purple in solidarity with Breast Cancer Awareness Month that occurs annually in October.

So, That was it. I said goodbye to Samuel as I had to move to prepare my luggage and head towards Gare de Lyon for my 6 AM train, which was pretty early to be there almost 7 hours before the train, but me and Mohamed thought it should be better for him not to pay another night for a few hours, and it was risky to depend on getting there on time less than one hour after the public transportation starts the next day.

On my way to Islem’s home though, I was stopped in the metro station and got fined 35 Euros for violating the Metro’s rules of having an image and a name on my transportation Card, the whole situation didn’t make my Paris ending any prettier, It was scary and worrying being stopped by metro officials, yet I gotta admit it was my fault as I was notified I should update both the photo and the name 5 days earlier.

Arriving at Islem’s, My luggage was Pre-Packed, I just showered and collected my belongings and started moving, I thanked Islem for his GREAT hospitality for the second year in a row! It was almost 11 PM when I started moving, I stopped and took a last look at the house before for my last RER ride to Gare de Lyon.

I arrived at Gare de Lyon, Mohamed arrived a couple of minutes after. We were ready for our more than 6 hours time of waiting. We tried to discover the station, discovering that, obviously, every single shop or store is closed. The only available items to purchase are the snacks of the vending machines. The only thing that broke the silence that night is a man playing piano closer to midnight.

We stayed and talked about what we’ve progressed so far in the trip, which is completely nothing to what’s coming up a head, before we were ordered by station security to exit the station as the station is “Closing” till the morning. That was another bullet to my head that night. We roamed the scary streets surrounding the station at night searching for any café or restaurant that might be working after midnight with no luck, we even tried our luck with fancy hotels like Holiday Inn to try and stay for a drink or something in the lobby which was refused as well. It was a scary couple of minutes before we decided to head up to the Station’s door and try our luck again, The security asked us to come back in and wait for the train as he’s been searching for us for a while to tell us to get back inside. We were a bit relieved knowing that we’ll be in a safer situation, we faced another hazard of creepy Algerians who were roaming the station searching for a cigarette or a lighter to smoke weed. We ran into a Brazilian guy  and his dad. They only spoke Portuguese so I used google translate to communicate. They were both heading to another French city and they were terrified by the creepy Algerians roaming the station. We stayed together for an hour or two, talked for a while. I gave him a souvenir of an Egyptian coin which he was crazy about given the fact that he was a coin collector.

It was finally around 5 AM when we noticed that our train was already in the station since before midnight, not ready to be entered though but we were finally that close. The doors are finally opened near 6 AM and we got on, in separate cars unfortunately but still, safer than ever.

Before the train moves, I wanted to take a moment to appreciate the Paris effect it has on me for the second year in a row now. The city attracts my senses and brings out the best of me, I’m thankful for it as it captured my first experience as a tourist the year before, and it’s the only city I visited twice, and intending to include in every Europe trip I’m intending to pursue. The city also confirmed and enriched my passion for architecture and art. Unlike most Egyptians, I don’t find it an ordinary “overrated” city, I find the streets talking with history and beauty, the bakeries are running and keeping history of recipes, preserving a significant European cuisine. The fact that I remember leaving the city in the two years I visited leaves me speechless. In both trips, Paris was the start of my tour, and even though it was followed by GREAT cities and countries after, It still doesn’t feel the same.

The train started moving and I finally felt safe and calm enough to sleep, The ride takes around 7 hours to Milan. I tried to ditch the previous night away and think about the amazing Italy adventure coming up ahead, the first country I’ve ever wanted to visit. I napped for an hour or two before the Police officers started passing and checking our passports, it’s a normal procedure for intercountry trains or transportation in general. Everything is going well and smooth now, Let’s hit Italy!

Self reflection:

I’m finalizing this blog post on October 9th from Egypt’s North Coast, nearly after three months of not blogging because of the heavy work load I have. And even though it’s all still packed with no time to take a proper break, I found a way to return and preserve moments like this because it’s all still there. Once I started writing, it took me less than a day to finalize the whole post.

So, hmm, a self reflection. I’m currently unaware of my feelings towards anything, I feel better than the last time I blogged, but I currently have a general understanding that everything isn’t worth the effort of thinking anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking anymore, Haha -I wish though-. by going through 2020, I’m developing weird facts about how everything should be understood and acted upon. Starting from relationships, work, personal spaces, caring, and everything. I feel like I’m still discovering these things for the first time, like a kid learning to walk in his first year. Nobody told me getting ready to turn into a 30 year old has a reset button of your whole belief system. You go through the same things you go through on daily basis, but with growing mind and easier letting go abilities. You go and evaluate friendships, actions, hobbies and whole life style, you check how responding differently can leave your mind in peace, how going an extra mile doesn’t always bring what you’ve been missing or expecting, how being a selfish person is not as bad as it’s been showed to us growing up.

Now we’re less than three months away from the end of 2020, I gotta say it’s still hurting me revealing all my scars at once to myself in one single year, and at the same time I’ve never been more thankful for such an evolution of thoughts in the same year. If I’m allowed to say a piece of non-cliché advice, I’d say go selfish to liberate yourself from the restrictions that keep you from discovering who you really am. Instead of unrolling yourself as a carpet for others to grow with whoever they wanna be, be your own red carpet.

Be your own superstar.

[canaryatlaw]

okay late tired you get the picture. today wasn’t like, bad really, and it did have some good points, but a lot of it was just nonstop work constantly flying from one situation to the next because before I could finish any one task another would already come in. this is what happens when you have court and clinic on the same day. ugh. but yeah, I woke up at 8:45, I had had to re-go to sleep not long before hand because my cell was left on ringer with the volume way too fucking loud so someone calling woke me up very quickly. I don’t even remember who it was lol. but yeah, I got up and got ready, we already had like 3 active cases to work on before we even opened the hotline, so it was going to be a busy one. Court took a little bit but not bad, I’m getting spoiled because a lot of the time they’ll stick me pretty far ahead in the group, especially when it’s just me and the whole will be me and the judge exchanging 60 seconds worth of dialogue and then being done, lol. I’m hoping that’s what happens tomorrow, because we had left over stuff from clinic that I’m supposed to you know follow up on at the beginning of the day. so yeah, that will be fun. like I said the day was pretty much just constant tasks. Somewhere along the way I had a very random craving for chicken salad, and then from there for a like classic deli sandwich. now of course New York is filled with amazing delis and they’re very sporadic everywhere else, but there does happy to be an amazing and authentic kosher deli a few blocks over from me, so I took a look at their menu on ubereats. they had a whole section that was like the sandwiches with names like “call your heart doctor” but then had no description of what was actually in the sandwich....I mean I probably wouldn’t be ordering one of those anyway but it was pretty amusing. I settled on a roast beef sandwich and everything was going well until I got a call that they were out of roast beef. they had asked on the app what you wanted them to do if they’re out of an item like dropping the whole order or just proceed without the item, or for them to call you, so I of course chose call me. so yeah, I got that call and right next to roast beef on the menu was a roast brisket sandwich, which I figured is like probably close enough to roast beef, and I love that firehouse subs brisket subs (I need to actually hunt one of those down here in Chicago because it’s been way too long since I’ve had one) so I just went with that. well. bad choice. I keep working and a bit later I get the call and go grab the food. I’m trying to unwrap it and the whole thing is just like incredibly greasy and it was like, basically this massive hot hunk of meat on a roll with a slice cheese, which is definitely not what I had been wanting but I figured it’d probably still be good so I ate half of it. My stomach afterwards was not pleased with this decision, so the second half is in my fridge, I’ll probably just end up throwing it out because I have pretty much nothing else I could do with it or people to give it to. oh well. the good news was that I had also ordered a little thing of chicken salad that seemed to come out well so hopefully I can have that tomorrow. and yeah, tasks most of the day with random things causing issues, and then almost 2 video hearings but the second didn’t quite go off because some old people are just really, really bad at technology, and no matter how much I try to explain the process of logging into Zoom and getting to a meeting, saying the numbers back and forth and them insisting the numbers are bad when they’re the ones I just used to sign in....so that’ll be waiting in the morning, I think I’m going to just have her do it over the phone because that’s usually easier for older people to figure out, even though it does require entering the same numbers, it’s a interface they’re used to and know how to work. so hopefully that will work out. I think I finished everything up around 6 or so and tried to get myself to stop working after that (it’s the issue when your work laptop is also your life laptop and at any given moment I can switch to my work set up and do anything needed, but I’ve been pretty good with it lately. so I hung out for a bit and helped some friends with things, then at 7:30 we recorded the new podcast episode which I’ll have to remember to edit and release tomorrow, which shouldn’t be too difficult because I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be cut, just add the theme song at the beginning and the end which is easy once you know how to do it. and yeah, after that I went back to helping friends with some things and eventually showered and started getting ready for bed then clearly wasted way too much time before actually starting to write this and head to bed afterwards, but now I am here and I’m very tired so I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Sleep tight.

[freelancingnation]

90 days and some change (Day 4, Video #1): Getting to my first course goal step-by-step layout by Caleb Bourquin at Freelancing Nation

Scrum… the final frontier for freelancing

What is up here guys and gals, yeah I know that was random as hell know but I just wanted to come and actually say that I want to start documenting my growth throughout making my first course.

I do not know how many people know that I am making a course, so that’s why I kind of wanted to document it. Also, I kind of wanted to show myself for my future reference on how I went about doing everything, and how I sort of went through the problems run into.

So, what I decided to do was straight up start documenting my day today.

I do not want to say it is a Vlog type of thing, but I wanted to go ahead and give myself a certain amount of days, to reach a goal.

Due to wanting to achieve the goal, I found something recently called Scrum to help with it. It is a framework that SaaS companies, and pretty much a way to lay everything out and also allow you to see if you are on schedule.

  Anyways, I’ll quickly lay out what this video goes over and lay it out here… I used an app to transcribe this and it’s VERY long. I don’t want to edit anymore so:

I went and broke down how Scrum sorta works and why it’s great to lay everything out

Why I think it would be cool to document everything and also that I make money in what I am teaching. That is NOT to say like “look at me, I’m so cool”, no, it’s simply to state that I am teaching this because I know a little bit about how to make money with Freelancing and also I enjoy teaching…. Also, I like the money as well, I ain’t no saint, everyone needs money. I am simply trying to help others create their first money online.

I’m scared that this will not work out and it’s possible that it will not. I am however much more confident that it will work out due to changing a lot over the 7ish years in business.

I breakdown everything I am doing and have written down.

I explain how these videos and documentation will work.

Let’s get back to work!

  Note: What this challenge is about is giving myself just over 90 days to complete my newest course and get my first 100 students!

  Here’s the links to the free course group, my new eBook, the rest of this 90 days and some change and my SEO micro services if you want to check anything out:

Get my 5 step process for becoming an online Freelancer now: https://course.freelancingnation.com/ebook-optin-main

Free Course FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/197569828171452/

Check out my 90 days and some change series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5MTlC0PoGk1W2CyYyd1bobnfcYnFzAn8

Check out my Legiit Marketplace SEO services: https://www.legiit.com/profile/DripfeedNation

Head back to the Freelancing Nation Homepage and check out our training, more posts and what all we do!

    I wouldn’t read it if I was you, but I wanted to show that I wasn’t lying… it’s long (and not super great lol)

  ”

I guess overall view really quick overall view is straight up and that it’s just breaking down everything that you need to be able to reach a certain goal, and pretty much going and sprints or working in Sprint’s is what they call it, and I don’t really know exactly all that goes into it, to be honest. But I just know kind of what the general basis, and that I need to write every freaking thing down that I can think of, with every single thing that I need. So that’s exactly actually what this is right here and when I, When I started the video off with here but now since this is my first day, actually, I’ve been doing a documentation and everything like that I just kind of wanted to give a brief overview on what I actually wanted to do. And also as well kind of what all I’m doing so. What I was kind of thinking her and not kind of thinking actually am trained to do is get my first hundred students in the first course that I’ve ever made. And the first course that ever made is a freelancing course and that’s where I make most of my money well, I guess not most of my money that’s where I started, I guess you could say I make most of my money from like client work and stuff like that now, but where I started anyways with like the whole entire entrepreneurial online marketing type of thing was from freelancing right and what freelancing is is pretty much just, you don’t really know what it is but it’s pretty much just selling a certain services, micro services on a marketplace. And they can range from any sort of niche rather if it’s software rather if it’s some sort of marketing such as what I do SEO rather if it’s paid advertisements you know there’s there’s tons of different things just, most people think of Fiverr. If you ever heard of that when they go into freelancing or go look for freelancing so anyways not but I just wanted to go ahead and create a course that goes over how to exactly, go into a freelancing platform and start to make money online, so just kind of like how I went about it. And what I’ve learned throughout that entire process of doing so. I want to be able to teach other people because one will I really enjoy teaching, I’m not gonna lie, I do. It just makes me feel good to actually know that I could potentially like have an impact on somebody else’s life. I’ve always been that way and it’s just something that I honestly just enjoy. Obviously I like the money to know, don’t get me wrong I’m not some saint and just like, just like most people ain’t saying like you know just, you know, it’s just all because of the passion that I have no I mean I do have a passion for it but still have, I need to make money too right we all need to live right. So, no, but I wanted to just kind of start kind of documenting exactly what I’m going to be doing what I kind of want to do I kind of wanted to do some sort of 90 day sprint sort of thing, and or overall goal I guess you could say, and I didn’t really want to just call it a 90 day because everybody calls it that so I was gonna like say 90 day and some change, I don’t know. But pretty much what the actual goal is so like I said I’m just going to kind of break it down some of the things here. So, what the actual goal is and you can see up here is if it focuses that’d be great. It’s pretty much just getting 100 students in my course. Second is going to be going and doing five of those students actually having some sort of success with the actual course and I actually have what the success means right they’re gonna food focus. Pretty much what it means is, I want a couple of people that I have taught how to actually make some sort of money with freelancing, and it’s also a bonus there if they get like their ads set up, or some sort of like website or doing YouTube, or something like that, because again, I teach those things in the course. Now, again this is the program to promote the course I’m just telling you what I am doing there so anyways now that’s that’s what success means right with the students right. So, what I want to be able to do is have this done by all by July 31. And because I’m actually moving out I just moved to California, and with actually my, my buddy who’s also an entrepreneur he’s a software developer. But, anyways we’re actually making a podcast together as well just just FYI, but no but anyways. No, so we’re going to be moving to Florida from California, in about four months, I think is August from now, because today is what it is for for sorry there’s a lot of flipping around to the camera here that’s for 2019 2020, right, Jesus this thing is not focusing anyway so yeah that’s what I’m kind of wanting to do is by July 31, is that I want to do pretty much it would be 90 days from now almost, and some changes are like I said I want to call it, right, so that’s what I’m doing there.

I want the actual course itself done within the next 30 days and then me running ads and everything like that for those first 100 students and five successful students at minimum, there as well so I’ll kind of go into just a quick overview of what all that means when I say that like the actual course done because my course isn’t done by the way. And that’s totally fine for and I’ve already made some sales as well so and that’s totally fine by the way to have it’s not a big deal. Just as long as I’m still consistently moving at actually going and getting the course done that’s what really matters. So, and also as well still having enough there to be able to teach people at least the basics, and then some, some of the more like advanced stuff as well, in which I have pretty much most of the face basic stuff, just some of the more advanced stuff is still what I have to make but again it’s still good to just start making money with it, because it did take a lot, a lot of time of my time to go and record all the videos that I have so far and everything like that but I’m not going to get into that right now. So, actually. First off, one thing that I do want to say, and before I want to preference this I should actually preface it preferenced it before actually even started video. But why I’m doing this by the way, I’m doing it this way where everything’s like broken down and stuff like that and I’m really glad that I was able to learn about this whole entire Scrum thing is, because of the fact that I’ve always had trouble with going and starting things now.

I’m sorry, I’ve always had trouble with actually going and finishing things that I’ve started, that’s the better way to put it. Like most entrepreneurs and actually some that I even talked to on the daily I know are like this as well, is that I go ahead and start a project I jump into it.

In only recently have I any of the ones that have jumped into actually made money because it took me a good couple of years to figure out how to actually like go into something and have enough knowledge from my other stuff that I’ve done before. Other failed businesses that I actually make some sort of money with it right so anyways. With that being said though.

It is something that I’ve always had trouble with is to just jump into a business and start it like I was saying like a lot of entrepreneurs had so I have. So, with this one. I’ve already had, or already been kind of running a semi successful business, business doing my freelancing which by the way is called drip the nation is my brand. It’s freelancing, and also I have clients of my own that I do marketing services for right. So, I’ve already made money online and started to make money online so doing now, a actual course over that is something that still, it’s not. I mean, it is new because I’ve never taught directly taught in like a course before so it’s, I guess it is. It is new, but it’s still wrapped around the current business that I’m doing because I’m pretty much just teaching, what I’ve done, you know before I’ve actually done it I’m not one of these people that have gone and just like say that they’ve done it and they like just started themselves right. No I’ve actually I’ve actually made a couple couple thousand dollars a couple. I think the last time I checked was like $35,000, with my freelancing stuff and then I think it was like 70k 80k 90k somewhere around there I can’t remember exact numbers for my actual like client work and stuff like that so far. Right, so again that’s not even very much. For some people, again, that may be a lot. Again, I’m not even talking about monetary right now so don’t even don’t even look at that. I’m just simply stating that I’ve done a couple of things I’ve actually already made some sort of money even though it may be not too much compared to what most people may Cray. I’ve actually made some sort of money in it so I’ve got a little bit more knowledge and all this stuff right so I’m actually able to go and start a course and be able to actually know how to promote it. And or at least know how to do the research to promote it, things like that so I was like well because I already know that. I want to actually do something that I never have done before. And honestly, I don’t like doing. And that’s exactly what this is. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do here is writing everything out every single thing that I wouldn’t need per like subject and actually going and giving myself a specific amount of days I don’t know if you can see that there. Yeah, it says it right there I know it’s all jumbled and stuff like that but that’s just how I write anyways yeah that three to four days is is giving me. Just what that one was actually this one, sorry for flipping the camera around. Yeah, that one was actually the three four days is literally laying out Scrum. So that’s what this paper is right, three to four days and that’s from the 426 I actually, that’s actually three days ago now that I actually started this I just wanted, I just thought about, I should actually be documenting this stuff so that’d be pretty cool actually I thought about that yesterday But anyways, you’re just gonna happen but anyways. With that being said, I want to be able to have something down here so I can actually know all that I need to go through and just kind of have it all laid out for me so that way I can just kind of go day by day, just, you know, knocking things out one by one, and having like little micro sprints like this is its own thing right here right so the layout of Scrum is its own thing I have to do an E book. Right, I had to do an E book for my funnels and stuff like that so that’s going to be, I think it’s yeah four to five days, and then a couple more days for some of the editing to be done. Because I’ll have to send it off to be edited and then have it come back and do a couple of things there. Then I have like funnel pages broken down right so I have my opt in page I’ll need that. And then also as well I have my sales page so this is going to be my. I’m not on the thing, sorry. This is going to be my sales page for my first actual sections of my course I’m splitting into by the way. At least, that’s what I’m thinking right now is I’m going to have sections one through nine actually as like a monthly payment at a really stupid cheap price. And then also, as well. I’m going to have a Next, the actual like more advanced stuff, and its own price, probably for 179 a month I believe that’s what I’m trying to price it at. And, yeah, that’s what that is there, and then nothing more on there.

Yeah, then okay so yeah, coming back to my order funnel pages again I’ll have my order confirmation. Right. And then also as well have testing the funnel so I got to test the funnel that’s, that’s two or three days so Oh, by the way, I’m sorry.

Actually I didn’t give myself days for this one yet for my funnel pages like I said, My Scrum isn’t done yet isn’t done yet. I have today and tomorrow to actually knock them out.

So that’s that there.

Yeah, so that that doesn’t have like actual days yet on it, then testing the funnel out to actually go and test my funnel again don’t have the day set for that one.

Gotta go and edit more or read the rest of my videos so I have sections one through five are actually done right now on my course, and are well I’m sorry one through nine are recorded and one through five are actually edited. So editing videos, is one thing that I didn’t think would take a long time, and it does take a long time. So I had to learn that that’s one of the things that I just had to frickin learn as I as I was going along with this I didn’t know that that was going to be one of the problems I ran into but it was. And hey, you just got to frickin just deal with it right you just got to deal with it. Keep moving break it down and make it happen right and that’s exactly what I had to do with this. So, with that being said though.

Yeah, so one through five is actually edited and in the actual course right now and it’s still at beta so it’s. That’s why I say it’s fine to have it I just call him beta test phase right now that the course is in and actually it’s super cheap right now, but anyways.

With that being said, like I said, I do have one through nine recorded right now, and I’m just slowly going to be editing those videos, as I go along with all of this right now. And then like I said that, just edit the rest of them that’s pretty much what that means there is I’m just going to edit the rest of the videos.

Yes. So after that though I’ve got some automation that I want to do in my Facebook. In the actual Facebook group. So I have a couple of days to do, I’ll probably just do that one or two days it won’t take too long just some like posts and some reminders and stuff that I want to do. And then also as well I want to actually start doing webinars so QA webinars type of thing we’re actually going to answer questions for my students that are in right now so I’ll want to do that as well and that actually is going to start.

I’m going to have the first one scheduled of what it says right here. 30 days after I actually start ads which are over here somewhere sorry I’m not pointing in the camera you can’t see me anyways yeah, then I’ve got some forms to do so. This is some forms that have to do for the unlocking that I want to do. And that may actually be changing I’m not sure I’ve got a couple ideas on that but that doesn’t matter.

Then also as well so this is the second part so this is actually so like it says right here I’m not sure if you can see that but I want to do this, like I said, the 30 days is where I actually want to go and start actual ads and stuff like that so all of this stuff before all of this and then all this on the back here. I actually want this to be all done within 30 days and I can definitely do that. That’s why I have this laid out though. That’s why I want to have this laid out though because it really like.

I set it up, and that’s what you do with Scrum as well but you set it up so that you give yourself a, a nice variety of days, but a certain amount of days and then you add like one or two just to be able to give yourself a little bit of extra time with it as well. So, I think that was a pretty cool concept to be able to learn about and actually my buddy Leon was the one that told me to do that. So thank you, Leon but actually he’s the guy that we’re doing the podcast. I mean him are doing the podcast but anyways yeah so that’s that there and then yeah so after that though after the 30 days I’ll still have about 60 left, depending again on you know because things can change and stuff like that. Some days I won’t want to work at all you know just regular parts of being entrepreneur you don’t, you know, obviously you try to be as consistent as possible right you try to be as consistent as possible and getting your health and wellness and working out and eating the right foods and stuff like that listening to Sam ovens that’s a huge one as well. No for real though that is, and doing that type of stuff it helps a lot with like the focus and consistency and all that sort of jazz and I know I’m sort of kind of rambling here I’m sorry but no it’s definitely good to know. And again, like I said before, actually doing this I didn’t really have that. And that may be another reason why I actually don’t like making schedules like this are like layouts of everything that I needed to do, because it never got done because I again I would just start it and then never get the friggin project done right so yeah so that that may be another thing is like, because I had problems with like my focus and my eating and stuff like that, or I have problems with my focus and not wanting to do work and you know mentality and you know mindset and stuff like that. It’s because I had problems with like my eating and my diet and not working out and you know not getting rid of distractions where I could rather if it’s on my phone rather if it’s social media crap that I don’t need rather if it’s gaming, you know, rather if it’s freakin smoking marijuana or you know drinking or my problems with tobacco, I had a lot of problems with that, you know, whatever the case may be getting rid of that crap and just completely stopping it because you know that it’s hindering your success is absolutely freaking huge and I wish more people would understand that and like start to learn about that anyways it’s very good information to know and I want to actually start teaching about that.

But anyways, with that being said, let’s get back to this. So, yeah, sorry about the random, random thing there but anyways yeah so so yeah next would be the actual second part of the beta so I again I because I don’t have everything done, which I actually did not have in this yet is going and making actually, sorry, the camera. Going actually doing right here, 10 through 14 which are my other sections. I have to go and actually record those and then edit. So since those won’t be done yet. I’m going to just start running ads to sections, one through nine still that are done, of course, just to the course, but, you know, and those will be added on later but, again, there’ll be relatively quickly added in. As I’m running ads and stuff like that but. And then I’ve got retargeting here as well. For the last one up here so far and then like I said a couple more things like you know making new videos, and also doing affiliate outreach for my actual course itself but anyways rather than that though. Yeah, that’s, that’s a handle that may sound like a lot in this video did last a while a lot longer than I thought it would but since it’s the first one I kind of wanted to just kind of go over everything that I’m wanting to do within this 90 days and some change that perfect header headline though. 90 days and some change. Anyways now, but for although that’s what I wanted to do, and that’s what I am going to be doing now.

I was definitely scared on making this video because what I’m not scared of making this video because I’m used to making videos now from making doing like courses and stuff that’s totally fine I’m scared of the fact that I’m going to have this like I’m going to do all this like writing down and going to start this, but I’m not going to actually get the freakin project done or get to visit goal of 100 students in the course right. And I’m not going to make that happen and that’s a potential I mean it could definitely happen that way I don’t know, right, the only what what I can do, though, the only thing I can do though is hedge my bets, to be the best, as I possibly can be with the whole entire thing. So a part of that hedging of the bets is having it clearly laid out on what all I need to do. And also, as well just keep as consistent as possible daily. Right. With my, you know, getting better at eating or getting, I guess back into the, you know, eating the right foods and stuff like that because I was out of it for a while I did it for a while but then I was out of it.

And also as well, making sure I’m consistent with working out every single day which I have been getting back into my routine of doing that.

And, yeah, just just, you know, getting back focused on things and I definitely have been doing, doing much better these last couple of days.

And, yeah, also being able to like record this and just kind of be able to have a new mentality since the last time that I did this sort of structure. Definitely, you know, I guess it’s been it’s been actually a good few months since I’ve started any new project or. I mean even that that’s a really isn’t a new project because again it’s like wrapped around my current business. So it’s been a few months since I’ve done anything that’s like, Like the next step I guess you could say in my business. So, yeah that’s that’s huge. So, yeah, but anyways, with that being said as well. I don’t know if they’re I don’t think there’s anything much else to talk on that I haven’t talked on me yet. I don’t know but if there is then I’ll document it again, like I said in a later video but like I said, I want to do these every day possibly I may do them every other day, and there may be a little bit of a, a time expands, or whatever, whatever I’m trying to say. There may, I may not upload the video until like the next day or so with that whichever what I’m doing so that just know that that may be a thing as well. And I’m not sure if I want to do like a transcription of each of these videos I made do that too. And it’s just gonna be a free thing on frickin Google Docs but anyways I may do that too and just put it on like a medium or something like that or like a blog or something because I want to do. I want to be able to get some sort of, you know, actual like people that are able to come and check this out and see what I’m doing and potentially like have some sort of impact on them as well, maybe, maybe get them in the mood to freakin go and, you know, write all their stuff out and you know any of you entrepreneurs out there who are trying to make something happen, right, write all your stuff out and actually like sit down and know that you’re gonna frickin focus on the damn thing, and he consistent with it, and you can be consistent with it, as, as while I am as well. And to be able to hear from any of you guys doing that that was pretty freakin amazing to be able to hear as well I mean, I know that I’m going to stay consistent with this I damn sure know that I will even if it does take me a little bit longer than I anticipated. I damn sure we’ll be doing so because again, I have that knowledge now from actually like making money and stuff like that on the internet. And I guess with my own business that’s weird to say but I guess it is it is it is honest, you know I’m being honest with that. I have that knowledge now that it is possible. So, you know, starting actual, like, if you’re starting out right now. It may sound like a hell of a lot, or it may sound like something that you’re just not confident in yourself in right or confident with yourself with right but i don’t know i just i just have a lot more confidence now I guess you could say because of the fact that, again, I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything i don’t i don’t mean for it to sound like that whatsoever. No, I’m just saying I have more confidence now I seriously do because I actually have something already, right. So, anyways, like I said though for somebody else to be able to, you know, give, give me some something they’re doing as well you know it doesn’t have to be a 90 day or some shit like that you don’t have to go and do that you know 90 days and change or anything like that but just to be able to have like, you know, show me that you have something laid out, and like a project that you’re working on or, you know, something like that. That would just be freakin cool so anyways I’m not gonna have this video drag on any longer than it is and hopefully you’ve got some sort of value over this and hopefully you really enjoyed like my whole entire scrub my paper of absolute craziness here. Just, just the way that I take notes right so that that’s just me So anyways, like I said, this is the first video of my 90 days and some change documentation I guess you can call it. And, yeah, let’s go ahead and get back to freakin work. All right, let’s make this thing happen.

”

  If you read all that, you deserves come freshly baked cookies, I’ll ship them to you for the low cost of $73,256 dollars ;p

    Be sure to check out my next 90 Days and Some Change freelancing course challenge here:

The post 90 days and some change (Day 4, Video #1): Getting to my first course goal step-by-step layout by Caleb Bourquin at Freelancing Nation appeared first on Freelancing Nation.

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[callioope]

Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass). 

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable. 

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row! 

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser? 

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me. 

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.  

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg. 

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >) 

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no. 

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!