#yeah i am on this ship no one should be surprised

[selineram3421]

can I make a request for an Alastor x reader? Where y/n is Husk's sibling and Alastor won't stop flirting with y/n and Husk is just not having it? (And the rest of the HH crew are just in the background shipping Alastor and y/n)

*swipes up* Cat Demon Reader!!!! FUCK YEAH!

Hissy Kitty

Prologue

Alastor X Reader

Warnings⚠

⚠ cussing, protective older brother Husk, Alastor loves annoying your brother, italics = thoughts ⚠

Husk was very protective of you and made sure you were taken care of. In Living and afterlife, he kept you out of his "business" to keep you safe.

Of course you surprise him by showing up at the hotel.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?"

"Surprise!", you cheered and gave your older brother a hug.

He didn't want you anywhere near his work. It was too risky. You would have been made a target. He didn't want HIM to know about you.

"Answer the question.", he grumbled but hugged you back.

"I haven't seen you in a while and I just wanted to-", you began, pulling back a bit from the hug, taking a look around the hotel lobby that was behind him.

"Look, I'll call you and tell you all about it but you need to go before-", he tried to get you to leave quickly.

"Husker!"

Shit.

He was pissed that he was too late.

"What are you doing trying to chase a guest out?", the demon in red walked over and pulled you into the hotel. "We are trying to invite them in."

"This one ain't looking to stay in the hotel!", your brother hissed and tried to pull you away from the red dressed demon.

You were suddenly spun and dipped by the man in red. It shocked you so much that you held onto the red demon tightly.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! I am Alastor the facility manager.", Alastor grinned as he gazed down at you. "And who might you be?"

Such an adorable thing. He thought when seeing your ears pinned back and eyes having turned into slits, his grin widening when he noticed Husk getting angrier.

"Um..can you let me up now? This is a very weird way of greeting..", you squirmed, your tail flicking in annoyance.

After letting you go, Alastor took note of how bristled up the fur of his acquaintance was.

How interesting..

"Forgive me dear, I can get quite theatrical.", he laughed and fixed his bowtie. "And your name?"

"I'm-"

"Not staying.", Husk cut in. "They only came to see me, now back off."

"What the hell, can't I greet a demon?", you huffed.

Your brother pulls you away to speak in private.

"Not this one! This prick is someone I don't want you hanging around with.", he whispered growled, putting his hands on your shoulders. "Go home, put some wards or some shit for protection and don't come back here again!"

"Damn it Husk!", you slapped his hands away. "I came here to check up on you!"

Alastor stays where he is to enjoy the show. Glancing to the side when seeing Angel step into the lobby.

"Its been years! I haven't heard from you until two weeks ago about this place. Where have you been!? Do you know how worried I was!?"

"Psst! Smiles! Who the fuck is kitty whiskers?", the spider asks.

"Haven't the faintest idea but this argument is getting amusing.", he responds.

"I told you that I moved! That should be enough!", Husk gestured to the hotel.

"Yeah, its nice to know you're alive but you could have at least told me how you've been! Did you make any new friends? Did you drink until you blacked out again? Something else for fucks sake!", you yelled.

"I'm alive!", your brother yelled back. "I drank yesterday!", he pushed you towards the door. "I don't have friends!", he opened the door. "Now leave!"

"Tsk tsk!", Alastor tutted and used his shadows to pull you away from the door, moving you into his hold. "They are our guest, even if they are just visiting Husker~"

The Radio Demon's smile growing bigger when he saw the cat clench his fists.

"You are welcome to visit anytime to see this-", the red demon gestures to your brother. "-hissy kitty that you know."

"Ha!", you quickly covered your mouth to keep your laugh silent.

"A smile! Finally!", Alastor leaned closer to you. "I'd like to see it if you don't mind."

"Back off!", Husk pushed the red dressed demon away and took your hand. "Come on, I'll show you around."

"I can stay!?", you asked your brother.

"Only for a few hours!", he replied.

You stayed longer than a few hours.

Charlie had caught wind and was excited to meet you.

Husk drank from his bottle, watching as you talked to the Princess and Vaggie. The two were hooked on whatever story you were telling.

"So Husky~", Angel slid over.

"Don't you fucking call me that ever again.", the cat grumbled before continuing to drink.

"Who's the new cat strolling about?", the spider asked. "I've never seen you so pushy with someone before~ Are they an ex?"

"None of your business and ew. Fuck no.", Husk wiped his mouth after he finished the bottle. "Forget about them. They need to leave anyway.", he said before walking over to you.

.

"Hi Husk!", you waved as you entered the hotel.

"Fucking shit. What did you not understand about staying away!?"

You had a smug grin and pranced over to him.

"Can't really stay away from where I work~", you said and showed your employment papers.

"What.", your brother growled.

"While I was talking to the Princess during the tour, you stepped out for a bit and I told her I wanted to work here!", you beamed, cat tail swaying calmly. "So now I can't leave! Yay!"

"Are you fucking stupid!?", Husk yelled.

"Now Husker.", Alastor appeared from the shadows behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "That is no way to talk to your fellow coworker."

The Radio Demon smiled cheekily when seeing the cat demon's fur bristle in anger.

"Let's show you all of the staff rooms!", he said suddenly and turned you towards the stairs. "There are quite a few closets littered about for cleaning supplies! For now that is what you'll do with Niffty until the Princess can think of where to put you."

"Is there any cleaning supplies?", you asked a little suspicious.

"Haven't a clue! But let's find out!"

You were near Alastor most of the day.

Husk actually followed you both until the "tour" ended.

"And that is all of the cleaning closets so far!", the red man grinned.

All of you were now standing in one of the many hallways. The fourth floor if you remember.

"Thank you for pointing them out.", you removed his hand from your shoulder. "Little less of that if you don't mind."

"Oh! I didn't even notice.", Alastor held his hands behind his back. "Do remind me if I slip again."

Husk quickly took you away from the red demon and walked you towards the lobby.

"Look, I'm glad you're here. Really. But its not safe for you to be around that smiling asshole.", your brother hissed.

"Husk, I'm not as clueless as you think I am.", you sigh and shook his arm off. "I'll keep myself safe.", you finish and walk away.

The cat demon stayed behind, groaning as he slides his hand down his face, feeling on edge, tired, and annoyed all at once.

"I've never seen you around a demon like them~", Alastor appears from the shadows. "And you're so protective!", he walks in front of the cat demon. "What a good older brother you are.", he leans back and spins his head to look at the demon.

"Don't you fucking try anything!", Husk threatens.

The Radio Demon laughs and stands up straight. "We'll have to go over our deal again!", he says while fixing his coat. "I hope you added their protection in."

"You piece of shit-!", Husk extends his claws and opens his wings up.

"I must be off! Who knows what trouble the guests have gotten into already!", Alastor walks away from the angry cat.

The Radio Demon hummed as he walked down the hallway, a slight skip in his step as his smile grew wider.

Oh how entertaining~

I love cats💕 Also this is turning into a short story because Husk is gonna be hella pissed.

~Seline, the person.

Part 1

Taglist@

@ducky-died-inside @scary-noodlesblog @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @lbcreations-blog @gallantys @+?

ML for Alastor🎙 | ChL for HK😾

[verstapwn]

「 SUMMARY 」 — Red Bull's rich girl & Red Bull's golden boy are dating and everyones surprised.

「 PAIRINGS 」 — max verstappen x nepo baby!reader

「 WARNINGS 」 — suggestive, lestappen sex jokes lol, checo slander?.

「 AUTHOR'S NOTE 」 — y/n the founder of idgafstan. of course the title comes from one of my favorite frank ocean songs, super rich kids. y/n's dad is like the Lawrence stroll in this au, so she's a nepo baby (not a driver).

liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, and 991,531 others! yourusername we don't talk about my boyfriends thighs enough. ＠maxverstappen1

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liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 1,326,493 others! maxverstappen1 My girlfriend everyone.. <3 ＠yourusername

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➥ yourusername bad idea cus i'd sabotage sergio too much (allegedly) :/ ➥ schecoperez Oh. ➥ yourusername my bad fam, free dinner spot at my house ig

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welcome to my first fic! i hope you enjoyed everything :) <3 the faceclaim i used for 'y/n' is meret manon bannerman from katseye! she's gorg. not much i have to say tbh. see you in the next fic —— DELIA.

[silencesscreams]

i can see you

james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)

summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.

a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift

warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation

for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.

you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.

“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.

“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.

“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.

as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.

“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.

“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”

“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.

“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.

“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”

it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?

“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.

“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.

“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.

james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.

-

your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.

the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.

you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.

you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.

and then there was james.

james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.

when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.

sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?

as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.

-

you felt like you could kill him.

after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.

but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.

you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.

"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.

"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.

“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“

“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.

“i told you, they were really good.”

if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turned red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.

you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.

he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.

he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.

he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pajamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.

he shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.

the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.

maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.

“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.

“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.

“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.

“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.

“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”

“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.

“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”

“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”

“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”

“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.

you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.

-

as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.

you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.

on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.

when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.

you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-

giggles.

there were giggles coming from your room.

and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.

you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.

“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”

“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.

you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.

“thank you, have a nice night”

you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.

you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.

“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“

“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.

“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.

“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”

“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?

“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?

“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?

“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“

“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.

you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.

“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.

it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.

“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.

“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.

you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.

his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.

you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?

once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.

maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.

he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.

you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.

you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.

“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.

“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something on your phone.

you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.

you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.

“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“

“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.

“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.

fuck.

you were going to share the damn blanket.

he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.

was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.

you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.

you could have died right there.

he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.

‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.

you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.

you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.

the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.

you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how he could be so sweet, funny and nice.

after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.

he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.

you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.

you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.

everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want to read it at the moment.

“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.

“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.

“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.

“yeah” remus answered, smiling.

“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sitting next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.

“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”

they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.

once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.

they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.

“can i stay with you for the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.

“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the arm of ouch.

“yeah?” the guy answered.

“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.

“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?

“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.

“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.

“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.

“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.

“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.

“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.

“really? what does he say?”

“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.

“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”

“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.

“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.

“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.

for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.

he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.

did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?

goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.

it made you feel crazy, it really did.

you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.

the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-

you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.

‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’

you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.

you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.

“y/n?” he was looking at you now.

fuck.

“yeah?”

“you look really good tonight.”

“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.

“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?

“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.

“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.

he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.

the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.

you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.

kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.

he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.

“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.

he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.

he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.

when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.

“james…” you let out as he bit you again.

“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.

“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.

“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.

“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.

he was big.

you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).

he was on his knees, towering over you.

“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.

“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, especially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.

he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.

he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.

“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.

“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.

“take it off”

“what?” you’re confused.

“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.

“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?

“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.

you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.

“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.

“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.

“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.

“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.

“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.

“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.

“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.

“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.

“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”

“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.

“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.

“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.

“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.

“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.

“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.

he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.

“jaaames” you would whine

“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.

if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.

“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.

“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.

you were in ecstasy.

“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.

“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.

“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.

“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.

“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.

your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.

as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.

“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.

his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.

he made sure he got rid of every single drop.

your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.

“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.

“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.

“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.

“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.

“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.

[froggiewrites]

May I request some Luffy smut? Maybe including some aphrodisiac of some kind or influence from a devil fruit- I don't mind! I'd just love to see your ideas

I am SO sorry this has taken so long, thank you to everyone who's sent in requests for being so patient. Life has been kicking my ass this month so badly I haven't even been able to read any fanfic, let alone write it. Fingers crossed that the end of November is kinder than the beginning!

I'm really excited to have finally finished this request, I'm a big sucker for sex pollen/aphrodisiac stuff so this was really fun for me! Also, this was my first time writing for Luffy, so I hope I did him justice!

Need

Pairing: Luffy x Reader

NSFW

Summary: You find your Captain in dire need of a little help. What kind of friend would you be if you didn't provide? Warnings: Smut, Sex Pollen/Aphrodisiac, Oral Sex (Reader receiving), Vaginal Sex Word Count: 1.8k

You should have known something was wrong when the ship was quiet. The Thousand Sunny is never quiet. There’s always the sound of clashing metal, of excited voices, of a song dancing its way across the deck. But you don’t hear a single noise outside of your door, nor do you see anyone as you pad your way outside. 

You knew that you were docking soon, that your crew would leave to explore the island, but you didn’t expect them to leave without waking you up. You had been on night watch last night, so you certainly needed the rest, but you’re not used to them not at least momentarily waking you to let you know where everyone’s going.

Your surprise and confusion only grows as you hear someone crashing through the brush, and you see your Captain emerge, sprinting precariously toward the ship as though he’s being chased.

“Luffy?”

He doesn’t answer as he continues to rush forward, launching himself up onto the Sunny. Luffy stumbles onto the deck, teetering dangerously towards the railing. Before you can rush to catch him, his back hits the wood, and he lowers himself to the ground, legs splayed out. You can’t even tell if he can see you until he murmurs your name. He’s dripping with sweat, his face red.

You kneel down between his legs, leaning forward to try to get a good look at him. You can’t see any visible injuries, but clearly something is horribly wrong. “Are you okay, Luff?”

“No.” His voice is nothing but a whine, his eyes glassy and unfocused. “Need…something.”

“Something?”

Luffy glances around, pout on his face. “Something. Dunno what.”

You reach out to rest your hand on his forehead, which is burning so hot you almost pull it back in shock. He leans into your touch, giving off a soft hum. “You have a fever. Do you know what happened to you?”

“Nothing happened. We were all exploring, and we split into groups, and then…hm…I ate that fruit Zoro picked.”

Oh god. Zoro’s not exactly a botanist, or a survivalist, and for a single moment you believe with every fiber of your being that your dear friend has accidentally poisoned your captain. “What kind of fruit was it?”

“I dunno. It was sweet. And red.”

You sigh. “That doesn’t narrow it down at all. God, you would think that eating one mystery fruit in your life would be enough for you.”

His indignation beats out his discomfort for just a moment. “The first one went really well.”

You guess you can’t argue with that. “Can you remember anything else about it? We can rule out any devil fruit since you haven’t…exploded.”

“It was warm. And it made me wanna come find you.”

That makes you pause. “It…made you want to find me? Like specifically me?”

“Yeah.”

You have a bad feeling about this. “Do you know why you wanted me?”

He squints in concentration. “To…make it better.”

“How?”

He grabs your hand and places it back on his face. The sound he makes is borderline erotic. “Like this. This helps.”

The warmth against your hand, the moan that escapes your captain, the tent you can see growing in his pants, it all starts painting a very troubling picture. A very tempting one, but troubling nonetheless. “Luffy, are you warm anywhere in particular?”

“My stomach. And lower.” He pulls you closer, wrapping an arm around you and burying his face in your neck. His nose nuzzles against you, and he takes a deep breath, inhaling your scent and sighing. His hands gently massage against your hips, reveling in the feeling of your skin beneath his fingertips. “You’re soft,” he murmurs, lips brushing lightly against you. You clench your thighs involuntarily, a move you hope he doesn’t notice.

“You’re—ahh!” One of his hands moves up to your breast, squeezing your breast through your shirt, and he moans again at your squeak. “You’re not in your right mind, Luffy! I think that fruit was—ah!” His hand slides beneath your shirt, then your bra, and finally he pinches your nipple. 

“Come closer.” His voice is thick as he pulls you onto his lap. “I think this is fixing it. Feels nice.” He jerks his hips, and you can feel his hardness rub against you. You try to keep your moan inside of your mouth, but when you do, he huffs, and ruts into you harder.

“Luffy!”

He grins. “That’s better.” As his hand begins to slide down the front of your pants you finally come to your senses and grab it, stopping him in his tracks. He blinks at you, a little clarity coming back to his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“You–you’re clearly under the influence of something, and I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want–”

“I want it.” The hand slides slowly down further. His voice grows hungrier, more desperate. “I need it.”

With the way he’s looking at you, pupils blown out and cheeks flushed, you believe him.

“Well if you really need it, I’d hate to deprive you, Captain.”

He grins, and before you know it, you’re pinned to the deck, your shirt and bra removed, Luffy’s teeth pressing insistently against your chest. He shoves his hand unceremoniously between your legs, making a small noise of satisfaction against you when you squeal. His fingers slide against your clothed clit, sending a shiver up your spine and slowly building the heat in your gut. He hums quietly, “It’s wet.” He looks up at you. “For me?”

You flush, before nodding quickly. You can’t bring yourself to look at him out of fear you’ll combust. You can see the sweat sliding down the muscles in his arms and chest, his tongue peeking out of his mouth as he pants. He looks even better than you’d ever dreamed, his eyes radiating a hunger than you never expected to be directed at you.

He quickly slides down your pants and underwear in a single motion, and in your surprise you press your thighs together, shielding yourself from him. He practically growls, “Stop that. Wanna taste.”

He pries your thighs apart, diving into you with the same enthusiasm he does everything else. His tongue laps at you with reckless abandon as he sloppily takes everything you’ll give him. His hands pull you impossibly closer, his nose brushing against your clit as his mouth explores. When you moan, he laughs against you, the rumble of it spreading across your sensitive skin and making your thighs tense around his head. You worry you’ll suffocate him, drown him, but he doesn’t seem to mind losing to you.

You can feel the tension building in your body, your legs shaking as you come closer and closer to your peak. Your hands grip the grass beneath you, one second away from ripping it out of the deck entirely. Some part of you is hyper aware of the fact you are out in the open, where anybody could see or hear, but the rest of you is lost in the pleasure of the moment, in the feeling of your Captain’s tongue against you. So you don’t try to stop your back from arching as your climax grows nearer, nor do you make any attempt to hold back your cry as you cum on your Captain’s face.

He pulls away from you, his face dripping, his pupils blown out, and his lips upturned into a dazed smile. You can’t bring yourself to look away as he slowly licks his lips, savoring every drop of you. Without a word, his mouth crashes into yours, and you can taste yourself on his lips. His hands roughly force down his pants, exposing his weeping cock to the cold air. He lets out a borderline whimper of relief against your lips, before pulling back just long enough to whisper, “Get ready.”

“Lu–ah!” He thrusts into you in one smooth stroke as his lips once again insistently press against yours, stealing your breath away. You can feel every inch of him as your body welcomes him in, clenching around his length. He moans into your mouth, the sound deep and wanton. He gives both of you little time to adjust before his hips are rocking, chasing the release he’s been so desperate for. He’s moving so quickly you’re surprised he was patient enough to even wait this long. His hands are borderline bruising on your hips, his teeth clacking against yours as your kiss grows rougher and rougher, as your dear friend and Captain pounds into you with the fervor of an animal in heat. 

You can feel his muscles tense under your fingers as you pull him tighter. His breaths grow more ragged with every moment, and as he finally pulls away from your kiss you get to see the beautiful sight of the dam breaking as Luffy finally cums. His face is filled with a mix of relief, exhaustion, and affection as he gives a final few thrusts, your own climax coming not soon after. He collapses on top of you, and the weight is more comforting than crushing, though it steals your breath away anyway.

“I was right.” His voice is sleepy and slow, and you can’t help but picture the faces of your friends as they find you stripped bare and pinned to the deck below your Captain. Sanji might have a breakdown.

“Right about what?”

“I needed you. You fixed it.” His hand comes to rest on the back of your head affectionately, and he places a comically loud smooch on your forehead.

“So you’re all cured?”

“Ye–” He hums, and you can see an idea take him as his face scrunches up and his eyes shift away. “No. I think we’ll need to do this again.”

You can’t keep the smile out of your voice as you respond. “Oh yeah? How many more times, do you think?”

“I dunno. A lot. It could take a while.”

You laugh. “You know, I think we can do this as many times as it takes.”

He lets out an overjoyed laugh. “Awesome!”

“But first we should get inside before anyone else gets back. I don’t really want them to see me like this.”

He nods, quickly scooping you up and carrying you in the direction of his cabin. Before you can say anything else, you hear the voices of your crew coming closer, and you quietly urge him to rush.

You only get a moment of relief before you hear Zoro’s confused voice.

“Whose clothes are these?”

Your panic is quickly overshadowed by Luffy’s booming laugh rumbling through his chest, spreading the same infectious joy that he always does. The embarrassment is worth it, just to hear such a wonderful sound.

Tag List:  @pandora-writes-one-piece @shy-writer-999 @saturogojosgirl @dreamcastgirl99 @tochillwithamockingjay

[st4rssky]

You wanna kiss me so bad..

☆ inspired by this silly post from Ro<3 ☆

“Are you kidding!? The main character is obviously in love with her best friend!” I huffed in frustration, feeling the heat of our argument pulse in the air. I had been going back and forth with Satan for the past fifteen minutes over the book he had so enthusiastically recommended.

He slowly lifted his gaze from the pages of his current read, a sly smile forming on his lips. “I see how it may seem like that to a novice reader like yourself, but I can assure you it’s not like that.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes with a laugh. “Novice? Just because I don’t have my own personal library doesn’t mean I’m a novice. I know what I read.”

Satan leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, the smugness radiating off him like heat from a flame. “Ah, but sometimes the best stories require a deeper understanding. You have to look beyond the obvious.”

“Look beyond? Seriously?” I shot back. “The girl is practically pining over her best friend in every chapter! It’s like a neon sign.”

He tilted his head, pretending to ponder my words. “Or it’s simply a reflection of a strong platonic bond. Not everything has to be romantic, you know.”

I raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth. “Sure, if you ignore all the longing looks and the way they keep finding excuses to be alone together.”

“Maybe they’re just really good friends,” he countered, a teasing glint in his eye. “You’re reading it like a rom-com when it could just be a heartfelt exploration of friendship.”

“Yeah, right. Tell that to the thousands of readers shipping them online.” I leaned forward, fueled by my conviction. “You’re just in denial because you like this book too much.”

Satan chuckled, shaking his head. “Or maybe I’m just more discerning. You should try it sometime. Might improve your perspective.”

“Discerning, huh? Sounds like a fancy way to say ‘wrong,’” I retorted, but a smile crept onto my face. The playful banter was what I enjoyed most about our discussions, even if it made me want to throw the book at him.

“God, you are so stubborn!” Satan replied, a smirk tugging at his lips as he chuckled. “It’s okay to be wrong, you know?”

I shot back, folding my arms defiantly over my chest. “You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

He paused, a flicker of mischief in his eyes. Silently, he closed his book, stood up, and took a few steps toward me. “Oh? I can’t make a fool of myself now, can I?”

Before I could respond, he backed me against the bookshelf, the hard wood pressing against my back. My breath hitched, caught off guard by the sudden intimacy. Satan's fingers brushed gently along my jaw, sending an electric thrill through me.

He held my gaze, his eyes searching mine, before flicking down to my lips. There was a heartbeat of tension, and then he leaned in, kissing me sweetly.

It was soft and lingering, the world around us fading into the background. My initial surprise melted away as I kissed him back, warmth flooding through me. When he finally pulled away, that teasing smile returned.

“So, am I still stupid?” he asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

“HE KISSED ME?? WE WERE FIGHTING AND HE KISSED ME??” I exclaimed, pacing back and forth in front of Asmo’s bed, my heart still racing from the unexpected turn of events.

Asmo giggled lightly, his focus on filing his nails, a playful smile dancing across his lips. “Maybe next time he’ll get you naked~”

I stopped mid-step, turning to face him. “Asmo! Are you kidding? We were literally at each other’s throats one minute, and then—bam! Kiss!”

He tossed the nail file aside, leaning back on his hands, looking thoroughly entertained. “Sounds like a classic move to me. Tension builds, and then... surprise romance!”

“Surprise romance? I was ready to strangle him!” I said, throwing my hands up in exasperation. “And now I’m supposed to just brush it off like it’s no big deal?”

“Why not?” Asmo shrugged, grinning. “Kissing during a fight is like a plot twist! You know you’re dying to see where it goes next.”

My steps faltered lightly, my face flushing. I looked away, huffing under my breath. I hate it when he's right.

@l3viat8an mwah mwah<3

[ronance4everbrainrot]

GLAAAASSSSSHEAAAART INCORRECT QUOTESSSSSS. because I missed them (long?)

(and other ships)

Red: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.

Chloe: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

(Fight of our lives basically)

---

Red: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Mal: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Chloe.

Red, pointing their hot glue gun towards Mal: You’re on thin fucking ice.

(canon)

-now Chloe and her Mentor-

Chloe: How do I make a date really romantic?

Evie: Be mysterious.

Chloe: Okay!

*later, while on a date with Red*

Red: So where are we going?

Chloe: None of your fucking business.

(Red teases her about it on their next dates)

---

Mal: Evie, I know you love Chloe. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.

Mal: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

(she's the smartest dumbass. or dumbest smartass?)

---

Red: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you?

Chloe: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now.

Chloe: Would you like me to tutor you?

Evie: That was smooth.

(Evie is proud. Mal is losing 20 bucks. why? Bet)

---

Red: Do you want to know your gay name?

Chloe: My... my gay name?

Red: Yeah, it's your first name-

Chloe: Haha. Very funny Red-

Red: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Chloe: Oh- oh my god.

(Mal, proud: Now that was smooth)

---

Mal: Why are you guys acting like this?

Red: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.

(sigh)

---

Evie: Mal? I mixed redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?

Mal: Evie, I swear to god—

(Evie. Stop doing that. You need sleep don't overwork yourself. I love her Qvq)

---

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Mal: What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Mal: Oh my god, you have Evie.

(the good old Isle days)

---

Celia : I am a ninja.

Mal: No, you’re not.

Celia : Did you see me do that?

Mal: Do what?

Celia : Exactly.

(canon)

---

Mal: Hey, can you do me a favor?

Celia : Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.

Mal: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?

Celia : Oh, no, I do.

Mal: Well, what is it?

Celia : You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

(she loves to annoy Mal. Little annoying sister. Canon)

---

Celia: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.

Dizzy: Where were they?

Celia: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.

Dizzy, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.

(it was Uma, wasn't it? That's literally canon XD)

---

Celia: Here comes the lightning!

Celia, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.

Dizzy: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

(and they were roommates, your Honor) (wow they were roommates) (The bestest of friends)

---

Red: N... No!

Celia: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???

(Red is trying to deny her crush on Chloe. Ha.)

---

Dizzy: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Dizzy is such a nice person, Dizzy is so happy-go-lucky! Dizzy can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Dizzy CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Dizzy IS be in a bad mood.

(Yas Queen. Queen of Mean? So last season. Queen of Bad Mood? So in!)

---

Mal: You tricked me!

Audrey: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.

(Maybe Queen of Mean isn't so last season.)

---

Dizzy: Comparing Audrey and Mal is like comparing apples and oranges.

Mal: We’re both unique in our own ways?

Dizzy: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.

Audrey: Which one of us is the orange? (It's me, isn't it?)

(Damn Dizzy. Queen of Bad Mood taking the lead)

---

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*

Chloe: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?

Evie: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.

Red: What about Dizzy? Nobody ever suspects Dizzy!

Dizzy: Well what about Audrey? They have a gun!

Audrey: Celia has a knife.

Celia : Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Red in the arm*

(where is Uma? oh-. I bet it was Audrey. How else do you show you love someone? They are having their Killing Eve moment)

---

Audrey: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).

Uma: Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).

Mal: How are you talking like that in real life?

Uma: Witchcraft (derogatory).

(canon. They late/hove each other)

---

Dizzy, talking about Evie: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life! And I’m not about to start now!

(before Evie got through to her on the Isle 🥲)

---

Mal: *running towards Celia with open arms*

Celia: *moves out of the way*

Mal: Hey, why'd you move?!

Celia: I thought you were going to attack me.

Mal: I was going to hug you!

Celia: Why would you hug me?

Mal: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

(OOF. Lol)

---

Celia : I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

(yuh)

---

Mal: Wow, this sucks. I’m gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you.

(she's getting there. Go queen)

-will add more of the boys in the next one-

Carlos: Are you laughing at that video of Ben and Harry fighting?

Jay: No.

Jay: I'm laughing at the comments.

(the comments saying "Ha! Gaaaay" etc.)

---

Carlos: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Jay. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Jay!

Gil: Nope.

Carlos: In that case, as the archbishop of Gil's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Jay right on the lips!!!

(Damn Carlos. Yes. Thanks for helping Gil. Everyone needs Carlos as a best friend)

---

Harry: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Jay without them noticing?

Gil: Hey, Jay, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Jay: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

Harry: ...

(same Harry, same. But then again not that surprised)

---

Now this is for @corgiplays for context here

Chloe: Earl, I sense hostility.

Earl: Good, because I hate you.

(accurate?)

---

Earl, entering the room: *Sees Chloe and leaves*

Chloe, watching Earl leave: There’s my monthly dose of the Cat…

(Earl didn't leave before pushing one of Chloe's things tho)

---

Chloe: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Red: For the dogs.

Chloe: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Red: They don't know how.

(I want Red to be able to cook lol. That can't even be a headcanon tho, that has to be an AU lol)

---

Earl: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

Biscuit: ...what happened?

Earl: I made a VERY bad mistake.

(Oof)

---

Biscuit: Don’t be sad!

Red: Why not?

Biscuit:

Biscuit: I don’t have a good answer.

(Red acts like she can understand him. Imagine his responses lol. But she basically can)

---

Chloe: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Earl: I'm aware of that.

Chloe: But then you and I had some time together.

Earl: Uh-huh?

Chloe: It did not get better.

(It did. Stop lying. Also Chloe does the same thing as Red. I mean honestly who doesn't talk to their little furry friends.)

---

Red: You don't know anything about me!

Biscuit: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

(Damn. If Red could actually understand him she'd be flabbergasted)

--and just because I love it so much. Here is that one again

Chloe, gently nudging Earl aside with their foot: Earl, move out of the way so I don’t trip on you.

Earl, her eyes enormous: You kick Cat? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Chloe! Jail for Chloe for one thousand years!

(she is purposely laying in the way tho. And then acts like Chloe hurt her when Red hears her distressed meows)

---

That's it

Hope you liked it.

Byeeee

[alexa-fika]

If your requests are open, how would you feel about child reader being found by Garp, Helmeppo, and Koby?

(Maybe their crew thought they were on the ship and accidentally forgot them on an island or something idk, I just want grandpa Garp with his new grandbaby)

New Apprentice (Koby, Helmeppo x gn!Child!reader x Garp)

A/N YA’LL I COOKED HERE, highkey worried that they are ooc here but other than that I LIKE, proud of how this one turn out, let me know what you think of it. Big brother Koby and Helmeppo 🥹, guys am I the only one picturing that being one of the most wholesome things?

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for reader in japanese

Dividers by @/saradika

“Koby, are you even listening?!”

“Haha, I am Helmeppo”

“Seriously, you have got to start….

Koby let out a nervous laugh as Helmeppo began going on a tangent, scolding him as he focused on the path ahead of him, paying little attention to his partner’s rambles, only giving out the occasional quip here and there to keep him appeased, which did, until he spotted something in the path that got his attention.

He frowned, kneeling down to look at the object, catching the attention of Helmeppo, who watched over his shoulder.

“Huh, is that a stuffed toy?” He asked, looking at the dirt-covered wolf as Koby picked it up, wincing at the red splashes matting its fur

“Yeah…has blood on it.”

“Maybe it’s from someone who left it long ago, maybe from a kid who tripped?” The blond suggested

“No, it’s way too much to be from a scrape, and look,” he said, pointing at the path.

Helmeppo frowned as he spotted the small tracks that cut through the path leading out into the small forest that surrounded it. 

“It rained earlier today, so these had to happen recently, and the blood is fresh, too,” he muttered.

“Let’s go,” The pinkenette announced, following the direction of the tracts, letting himself be guided by the disturbed soil, broken branches, and the occasional drops of red that colored the ground.

“Hey do you thi- Hey! What the hell, Koby?”

“Wha-? What’s wrong Helmeppo-san?”

“Don’t give me that you just chucked a stone at me!”

“What are you talking about Helmeppo-san?” Koby asked, confused as he stood up from his kneeling position as he looked at the tracks

“If it wasn’t you, then wh-OW.”

“I -I will hurt you, s-so go away!” A small voice cried, chucking a rock at the marine

Koby let out a hiss, rubbing his head and turning to the voice, easily finding the culprit standing in one of the tree’s lower branches, a small child holding a handful of stones in their hands.

“Hey, how about we put those down?”

“No!” They cried, throwing yet more rocks at both of them

They squeaked as Helmeppo pulled out his swords and easily cut through the stones set his way. What most caught them off guard, however, was Koby’s sudden disappearance. They stared at the spot he had stood at confused, looking around to see where the man had went with no success.

The child released a surprised gasp as they soon found out the man had appeared beside them on the branch.

Koby enveloped the child in a tight but gentle embrace and jumped off the tree; before he had a chance to address the kid, he found himself stepping back, a shocked look on his face as the child pulled a small knife, trying to stab him.

He frowned, watching as the kid took the opportunity to run behind the tree.

“Koby, wait,” Helmeppo called, putting his arm on his partner’s shoulder to prevent him from pursuing the child.

“Helmeppo-san? We should get the knife from them; they could hurt themselves or hurt someone.”

“I think we should try a different way, look,” he said, gesturing to the crying child peeking out of the tree.

“They aren’t trying to hurt someone; I think they are just scared.”

“Ah, I’m sorry! I don’t want to hurt you; I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Koby cried, taking in the child’s state, letting another cry as the kid ducked behind the tree when he reached out to them.

“Ah, I must have scared you, right? I didn’t mean it; I really am sorry for that,” he apologized, a nervous smile on his face as he sat down. Helmeppo followed suit and sat next to him.

Dokucha popped their head out again, watching as the men sat cross-legged, ways away from the tree.

“Umm, we found this earlier,” Koby tried, showing them the wolf plush.

“Ah! Mr.Okami!” they exclaimed, stepping away from the tree and trying to reach for the stuffed toy, only to realize their actions and quickly step back.

“It’s okay; you can have it back if you’d like; how about we trade?” Helmeppo suggested, pointing to the knife

They seemed to think about it, glancing at the knife in their arms and Helmeppo’s awaiting hand to the stuffed toy Koby was offering to them. Finally, as they slowly made their way to them, they placed the knife on Helmeppo’s hand. The former gave them a small smile as they then walked in front of Koby and grabbed the stuffed toy, hugging the toy tightly as they sat in front of them.

“H-hey, you’re bleeding!” Koby exclaimed, apologizing when they flinched at his tone

Koby glanced at Helmeppo, wondering how they should approach the situation.

“Hey, how about another trade? Your wolf looks like he needs a wash, right?” Helmeppo asks, glancing at their plush

Koby catches on quickly and looks at them with a smile.

“How about we wash him for you, and you let us look at your wound?”

“Y-you’ll keep him safe?”

“The safest,” Koby reassures with a smile.

“Okay”

“Hey, Mister Koby?”

“Yeah?”

“How..umm…how did you disappear before?” They question, looking away as he glanced up at them from his bandaging work

“Disappear?”

“Yeah, when I umm, when I threw a stone at you, you disappeared.”

“Oh, that? It’s a fighting technique; I didn’t disappear; I just moved really fast. It’s called Soru,” he explained with a grin, his attention back on the bandages being applied.

“I uh- I think it was really awesome.”

“Haha, It was nothing; many marines can do it; Helmeppo can do It too,” he brushed off.

“You’re being too modest, Koby,” Helmeppo sighed from his place at the sink, trying to wash the grime and blood off the stuffed toy.

“It’s going to have to soak for a while to make him all clean,” he called, drying his hands off and walking closer to the pair. Seeing the look on the child’s face, he pulled something from his pocket and handed it to them.

“Here, you can take care of our Den-den Mushi for now.”

“It looks different,” they muttered.

“What do you mean?” Koby asked as he clipped the bandage and stepped back

“It looked different in the ship; it was black and white.”

Koby and Helmeppo pause, glancing at each other at the kid’s comment

“Ship?” questioned Helmeppo

“Y-Yeah”

“What did you do at the ship?”

“T-they made me clean the ship, but sometimes they would make me fight o-others or test things for them.”

Those words were all the pair needed to grasp where the child might have come from and what their job at the ship could have been.

“Is that how you got that?” Helmeppo said, pointing to their now bandaged wound

They shook their head at that but made no move to explain themselves.

“Could you tell us about it?” Koby prompted

Once again, they received all but a shake of their head.

“Why?” questioned the blond marine, a frown on his face

“I don’t w-want them to hurt me.”

“They won’t,” Koby answered with a grin.

“We’ll protect you,” Helmeppo confirmed with a slight smile.

“Pinky promise?” they asked, holding out their pinkies.

The two let out a small laugh but nodded and interlocked their fingers with theirs, their pinkies enveloping the child’s much smaller ones.

After sealing the promise, Dokucha proceeded to tell them what had occurred. It seemed like the man who they worked under was dark and twisted, enjoying the creation of painful and deadly viruses and, even more, testing it on the child, letting them reach the verge of death before finally giving them the antidote.

Despite this treatment, it was this same man’s love for pitting his subordinates against each other in a deathmatch that caused them their current wound. As they had refused to hurt the other subordinates, they had found themselves being punished for insubordination by the man.

Koby and Helmeppo listened intently to the child’s story, horrified at the treatment they had endured, and drove the two to tears and sniffles as they embraced them and repeated their promise.

Dokucha’s lip trembled as they sat on Koby’s lap, Helmeppo sitting next to them, an older man sitting in front of them listening as his subordinates filled him on what had happened and why they had returned with a child.

“Wahahaha! Another one?!” he laughed, his booming laugh echoing around the small office

“What about you, you little brat? Do you want to be a marine? Or do you want to be a pirate and have me beat that out of you?”

“Uh, Vice-Admiral Garp, I don’t thin-

“Eek! I- umm- ah-

“Spit it out!”

“Umm, I- I’m not very good at fighting, and I don’t like it either, but I want to be with Koby and Helmeppo!” They exclaimed, apologizing and returning to their timid state once they had realized their outburst

“Wahahaha! That’s a good answer, you squirt. I think I’m going to like you! In that case, you will train under them.”

“T-Train?! Vice-Admiral Garp, I don’t think we are ready to train someone.”

“Don’t worry, Koby! You and Helmeppo will turn them into a fine marine!” He exclaimed with a booming laugh

"How about it, kid?!”

“…” They stayed quiet, unaware of the sudden shift of attention, quiet with a strained smile on their trembling face, eyes blown wide at the interaction

“Uh, Dokucha?” Helmeppo asked, leaning closer to the kid, trying to get their attention

“He was asking you,” he explained

“Yes!”

Koby let out a laugh at their rushed answer as he, too, leaned toward them

“He asked if you would like to train with us, to be a marine.”

“I can be with Koby and Helmeppo?”

“Yes, you would stay with us.”

“I - I really would like that,” they answered bashfully

“Good, I‘ll come by from time to time to check on you and give you some private lessons,” he grinned, smashing his fist against his open palm

“No!!” They screamed as they hightailed it out of the office

“Ah, wait, Dokucha, come back!”

okay I really struggled with the Garp part and the timeskip leading up to him, so do let me know if you liked it. I really struggled him adding him so hopefully it checked the box of Garp and Grandbaby interaction 😂

Taglist:

@imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

[alotofpockets]

Out of pocket | Renee Rapp x Actress!Reader

Where an interviewer makes out of pocket comments and Reneé stands up for you

Reneé Rapp Masterlist | Words: 1.7k

-----

Booking Mean Girls was your breakthrough, you had some small roles in TV shows here and there, but getting to play the main character in this rendition of a movie you loved dearly, is what put your acting career on the map. 

Your girlfriend and co-star, Reneé, had helped prepare you for your first big interview. In the preparations she had also mentioned that interviewers could be a hit or a miss, and that there were reporters out there that definitely should not be in the industry. You didn’t take the warning lightly, but assumed your first ever interview would not be with an interviewer that was a part of the minority that didn’t treat people right.

Nothing in the kind and welcoming introduction when you got to the studio could have prepared you for the change that was coming your way. With the camera rolling and the spotlights on you, you were ready to start the interview. Reneé was to your side, and the interviewer sat off to the side behind the camera’s.

“Hello and welcome back to another interview! Today we have Reneé Rapp and Y/n Y/l/n, two stars of the newest Mean Girls movie. Welcome girls, it’s a pleasure to have you here.” You and Reneé both smile, “Thank you for having us.” You say for the both of you.

“Let’s dive right in. Reneé, how excited are you for the release of your new film?” Renee immediately lit up, “Yeah, I am super excited. It has been so much fun being able to portray Regina again, I honestly cannot wait for everyone to see the movie.”

The interviewer nods and moves to you, “And Y/n, how has it been to work on your first big movie set?” You were still a little nervous, so you looked over to Reneé for comfort. Her reassuring smile was all it took for you to feel more comfortable. “It was an incredible experience. Everyone on the team was amazing, and I learned so much while working on creating a movie that I cannot wait to share with the world.”

“Reneé, obviously you’ve been in the spotlight for quite a bit.” She nods in agreement, “How was it working with a relatively new face like Y/n.” Your girlfriend looked over to you with nothing but love in her eyes. “It was great to see in action, she brought an energy to the team that was exactly what we needed. She is very talented, and working with her was amazing. I hope to be privileged enough to be able to work with her again.” 

“The fans can’t seem to stop shipping your characters, as well as the two of you. Would you like to share the story of how you met?” Since Reneé answered the last question, you took this one. “We had met a couple times shortly though a mutual friend, but really connected during the audition process for Mean Girls.” Reneé nodded along with you, “You could say that the chemistry read was off the chart with us.” She adds with a wink, that leaves you giggling. 

The ease you were feeling during the interview was quickly gone with the next question that was asked. “Y/n, how are you dealing with being in the spotlight? Are you keeping up with all the attention, or is it overwhelming for someone with your background?” You had been very open about your past, and not growing up with a lot of money, but the way this question was formulated made a shiver run down your spine.

“Oh eh it’s definitely a big change, but I am grateful for my team, coworkers like Reneé, and the fans for accepting me into this world and supporting me in my career.” The interviewer nods, and you get a feeling he wasn’t done just yet. 

“Speaking of change, it must be quite an adjustment from your humble beginnings to now being the lead in what is expected to be a hit movie. Do you think you would’ve made it this far if you weren’t dating someone in the industry, who has the proper experience?” 

The question takes the both of you by surprise. Reneé reaches out her hand and places it on your upper leg, to offer you some kind of comfort. “I believe I’ve earned my place here.” You were not going to let him paint this picture where you got everything handed to you on a silver plate. “Every audition, every role, and every late night spent studying lines, it brought me here. I have worked very hard to be a part of this industry, as has every actor I’ve ever met.”

The interviewer smirks, clearly not satisfied with your answer, “Alright, but don’t you think that being in a relationship with someone as established as Reneé might give you an unfair advantage? I mean, how do you think people perceive your success? As earned, or just as a result of dating your girlfriend?”

Reneé is ready to burst, but you stand up before she can say anything. “I refuse to be disrespected like this, I’ve worked too hard to let someone like you undermine my accomplishments. This interview is over.” With that you rip off the microphone pack and walk out of the room. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself. Y/n is an incredibly talented actress, who has earned every bit of success through her own hard work. The fact that you’d suggest otherwise says more about you than it does about her. Like she said, this interview is over and we do not sign off on you using any of this.” After defending you, Reneé rushes off to find you. 

She found you pacing the hallway. The moment your eyes find hers, you rush into her arms. “I am so sorry he said all of that. You worked very hard to get where you are today, and I am so proud of you. I am also very proud of you for standing up for yourself, I know that isn’t always easy in situations like this.” 

You shake your head, “Who does he think he is, asking these kinds of questions?” Reneé shakes her head. “A low life who wants to make money off of other people’s misery, but don’t worry, I told him that we do not give him the right to use the footage of today.”

Reneé took you home, where you spent a relaxing afternoon together, full of cuddles and comfort. This was definitely not the first big interview you had in mind, but there was nothing you could change about it. Together with Reneé, you had gotten both your managers together and explained everything that happened, and to let them know that neither one of you would ever agree to interview with the company again. 

A few days later, against all your expectations he had released the interview against your wishes, and painted you as the bad guy. You were angry, and were in constant meetings with your management to figure out what your options were.

Between calls Reneé got the perfect opportunity, so you got both your managers on the phone again. “Drew Barrymore just called and said that if we want to, she wants to give us the opportunity to talk about the interview on her show. She wants to give us a platform to create change in the industry.” You take over from your girlfriend. “Yeah, we already talked about it amongst ourselves, and would love to grasp this opportunity. I know how horrible it was for me, and I want to be a part of making a change.”

Both managers agree, and the next day you are on Drew’s show. The experience of being interviewed by her was a stark contrast to your first interview, and you were glad to know that there were good people out there. 

Drew let you speak on what happened at the interview, and how they used the footage while you had retracted your consent for them to use it. “And Y/n, have you seen the reactions of your fans?” You shake your head, “No, I’ve honestly tried to ignore everything surrounding the release of that video.” Drew nods, “That is very fair. I have a compilation of a few things we have found online, and would love to show it to you. Only if you are up for it of course, it’s up to you.”

You end up agreeing, and Drew instructs her crew to play it on the big screen. It starts off with a few screenshots of YouTube comments and tweets of fans defending you, which already got to you. You watched the screen with teary eyes, and leaned into Reneé for comfort. She wraps her arm around you and pulls you even closer. 

Then the video shows some of your co-stars defending your honour, as well a bunch of people from the industry. At that point you could no longer keep your tears in. Reneé kissed your shoulder, and rubbed her free hand over your arm. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Drew says when she notices the tears on your cheeks. You wipe them away, “Happy tears, don’t worry. Thank you for showing me this, and thank you to everyone that defended my honour. Your support means the absolute world to me.”

The rest of the interview was focussed on your upcoming coming, in the form of a redo from the failed interview. This time you and Reneé both felt comfortable and safe, all thanks to Drew and her team.

With this interview you were sad that it had to come to an end, but walked off feeling content. Drew listened to everything the both of you had to say, and shared the same enthusiasm as the two of you did about the new movie. 

“Thank you.” You say to Reneé, once you’re in your dressing room. “What for?” She asks with her brows slightly furrowed. “Just for always being there for me. I love you.” She smiles and pulls you in for a hug. “I love you too, and I will always have your back.”

-----

💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[sturnsbaebackup]

can you write something about how the fans have started speculating something between you and chris??

RUMORS FLY - CHRIS STURNIOLO

summary: you and chris have been talking, and the fans are starting to notice.

warnings: none!

-

as nick and matt argue about god knows what into their microphones, chris stares down at his phone with a small smile. “chris what’s your opinion on this?” nick asks, but it appears chris hasn’t heard him.

“chris, get off of your fucking phone. we’re on the podcast! who are you even texting that’s so important right now?” matt groans. quickly after being called out chris puts his phone away. he’s very clearly flustered, and he says, “i was just um— texting nate!”

“texting nate? with that big of a smile on your face? i didn’t know nate was so funny… but whatever can you please just get off of your phone and help us settle this debate,” matt says, glaring at chris with a wondering eye. not even his brothers knew about you and chris, but they were bound to find out soon enough.

chris feels his phone buzz on his lap, and he waits until he has a chance to answer it. he doesn’t want to tell you that he’s recording because he doesn’t want to stop talking to you, so he tried to multitask, but clearly he’s not very good at it.

nick suddenly gets up and walks over to chris, snatching his phone from his hands. as he does so, he see’s your contact name and the photo of you and chris cuddling at the top of the screen. “oh my god that’s—“ he blurts out, but immediately stops himself. “—enough! i’m taking your phone until the end of the episode” nick says, immediately catching himself before he reveals you and chris’ secret.

chris’ cheeks turn bright pink, and his heart rate is through the roof. he knows he’ll be grilled with questions once they’re done recording, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready for that yet. eventually the pod is over, and immediately nick hands chris his phone with a smirk.

“have fun texting y/n!” nick shouts as chris begins walking downstairs to his room. a loud gasp can be heard from matt, and chris can feel his cheeks burning up. he scurries into his room and replies to your texts, and immediately opens tiktok to rewatch the tiktok you guys had made a couple days ago. he scrolls through the endless comments, and begins to notice a reoccurring pattern.

“are they dating?!”

“oh i ship this”

“i think they’re dating! i mean, y/n is wearing his brand…”

and so forth. he bites his cheeks to hold his smile in, but ultimately fails when he sees all of the support even when you guys haven’t gone public. as he scrolls through his phone, a gentle knock can be heard on his door.

“come in nick!” he exclaims, not even looking up from his phone. he knows it’s nick because matt has a tendency to just walk in, or bang on the door. one or the other.

“can i ask you something?” nick asks, sitting in the end of chris’ bed.

“yeah, anything,” chris says, putting his phone down and fixing his posture.

“why didn’t you tell me and matt?”

“um— well we aren’t really telling anyone. i mean we’re not dating yet, but—“ he pause, “actually i don’t really know, honestly. i guess i’m just nervous that if i start telling people things will go south,” he shrugs.

“are you planning to ask her out soon?”

“yeah, i am actually. i was gonna do it this weekend, and make it a big surprise for the fans but now i don’t know. the fans are already speculating things, so i feel like i should just scratch the whole big idea i had and ask her the next time we hang out.”

“oh! that was also one of my questions! how the hell have you been hanging out with y/n and both me and matt didn’t know about it?! we live together and i still didn’t know!”

chris chuckles, “there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me nick. and it’s gonna stay that way, so if you could stop asking me a million questions that would be great,” he sarcastically grins, and nick just rolls his eyes. nick closes the door behind him, and chris immediately goes back to texting you.

—

the podcast episode was posted a few days ago, and immediately the fans have been questioning who chris was texting. there have been many many guesses, but most have been you. chris feels like it’s his fault, and the last thing he wants is for you to feel like you’re being led on, so there’s only one thing to do.

“y/n, i have a question,” chris says nervously, looking down at you as your head rests on his arm.

“what is it?” you ask, knowing exactly what it is. or hoping, at least.

“well, obviously i like you. a lot. and i was just wondering if you wanted to make this official? will you be my girlfriend?”

“of course i will chris, is that even a question?” you giggle, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of chris’ shoulders. he smiles at you and gently places his hands on your cheeks, pulling your faces towards his. your lips melt together, and your hands find their way to the back of his neck.

you both end up falling asleep in chris’ bed, and while you both nap, you’re unaware that nick and matt both arrive back home. they enter chris’ room after calling his name a few times with no response, only to see you both asleep. of course, them being the immature boys they are, take your guys’ picture. unfortunately, you learn about this the hard way when you see the photo in their photo dump a few days later. you gasp and immediately check the comments, expecting tons of hate comments.

“i knew it was y/n! they’re so cute!”

“AWWW”

“cutest couple ever”

you immediately text chris, and you both share a big grin over the situation. although you never would have expected your situation with chris to have gotten semi-exposed, you were just glad everyone was so supportive.

[sugarushwriting]

vampire enhypen ot7, you’re their human blood bank (part eight and last part!!) (or is it the end?)

last part! thank you for loving this series, that i didn’t expect to be a series!

also i realized mfc roomies name is jen 🤦🏽‍♀️ pls ignore that and imagine two different jens

not proof read.

reblog, like, comment, share but please do not repost or translate.

again, i am not shipping any le sserafim girls with enhypen, especially ni-ki and eunchae!!

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

a few days passed and jay felt like he lost all authority of the guys. ni-ki was ignoring him and all the other guys, they couldn’t find him after he disappeared in the middle of the night. he hadn’t showed up to classes the rest of the week.

they lost you. you ignoring every effort of them trying to reach out. again, it hurt you to ignore jake and the younger ones, but you couldn’t be sure they were genuinely concerned or doing it because of jay and sunghoon.

sunghoon was pissed at jay as well. jay was still angry with jake. jake was just trying to focus on classes but he missed your taste and blood.

jungwon only got to feed on you once, and his body was definitely craving your blood. heeseung tried to help him feed on another human safely, but it seemed his body rejected the blood.

soon it would be sunoos turn to feed on a human, and he was less than thrilled.

jay stood in the middle of the library in the house that you loved so much. your scent lingering behind. he sighed in frustration, more at himself.

“jay.” sunghoon caught his attention.

jay turned around. “yeah.”

“we have trouble.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

the trouble? sakura called in a friend.

bang chan, also known as chris. he was an elder vampire, even older than jay by a decade. but not only was he a vampire, but a vampire—werewolf hybrid.

bang chan brought two of his own vampires, lee know and seungmin.

“thank you for coming so quickly.”

“of course.”

bang chan lived not too far away, but stayed low. he didn’t just take in vampires, but all supernatural creatures that don’t have a family or their original living arrangements didn’t work out.

ni-ki bowed to the oldest.

“you must be ni-ki.” bang chan smiled.

bang chan explained how he made sure all supernatural creatures learned to live among humans all while balancing their other lifestyle.

he has fairies, a banshee, a ghoul, other vampires, werewolves and so much more he helps and takes care of.

“i could come with you?”

“if you want. i understand your original living plans may not be going the way it should?”

ni-ki shook his head, “he’s threatening to send me to switzerland.”

“sounds like good ole jay. just hauling newbies off when he finds it too hard.” lee know laughed.

you soon came down the stairs surprised by the handsome men in the living room.

“is she a creature needing a living space too?” lee know asked.

“no. she’s a human hiding from the guys. they poisoned her to keep her at bay to behave.” sakura answered.

“jay has become more unhinged since the last i have seen him.” bang chan said and looked at sakura. “basically since he last had you, when you were human.”

“they know we’re in town.” seungmin whispered.

he was talking about jay and sunghoon. bang chan looked back to the younger one. “do they know where exactly?”

“they shouldn’t, i made sure they couldn’t track us.” sakura said.

“that’s why we couldn’t smell you all.” bang chan nodded. “smart.”

sakura got a phone call from one of the girls.

“we’re being followed by them.” kazhua said.

sakura already knew who she meant by them. sakura looked at the three vampires in her living room.

“lead them here. it’s fine.” sakura answered then hung up.

kazuha and eunchae led sunghoon and jay straight to the seraphims house, pretending they didn’t know they were being followed.

both girls entered the house, greeting the three men. sakura made quick introductions, then a knock came at the door.

“oh how nice for them to knock.” bang chan laughed.

sakura went to open the door, jay and sunghoon pushed past her but stopped when they came eye to eye with bangchan.

“hello men.” he smirked. he knew those two had no power over him. bangchan was one of the strongest living supernatural creatures there was.

jay didn’t even acknowledge him. “ni-ki, pack your things, you’re coming home with us.”

“no, you’ll just send me to switzerland!”

jay shook his head. “i realized i over reacted. i promise not to send you to switzerland.”

“why? so you can chain me in the basement instead?”

sunghoon made eye contact with you. “babydoll.” he said barely above a whisper. he couldn’t even recognize his own voice.

your heart fluttered at hearing sunghoons voice. “hi hoonie.”

he went to step closer to you, but stopped himself. “babydoll, how are you?”

“she’s fine now that she’s not poisoned by you.” kazhua spat.

sunghoon frowned. “i am so sorry.” he was defeated. you were special to them.

jay was fighting his emotions. his family was basically falling apart. jake was ignoring him, sunoo and jungwon was tiptoeing around him, ni-ki had ran away, sunghoon and heeseung was frustrated with him.

most of all, he lost you. he betrayed you and your trust. and because of that, his own clan was struggling. but he just needed you to know you belonged to them and no one else.

he didn’t like the idea that you may be going off with bangchan and his clan.

jay looked up at you with pleading eyes. “love, i am so so sorry for how i treated you and made the guys treat you.” jay stepped closer to you, you instinctively stepped back. “love, please don’t go off with them.”

you looked at him surprised. “you think i was going to leave with them?” you pointed towards bangchan and the other two guys.

eunchae shook her head. “she wants to become a seraphim.”

everyone in that room looked at you in shock. eunchae was tired of holding onto what you asked her last night.

“absolutely not! i will not lose another love!” jay yelled in anger. then looked to sakura with pleading eyes. in order for you to become a seraphim you would have to die. you knew that much.

“what’s the point of me staying human if i grow older and you all stay the same huh? what happens then jay?” you argued once again. “like i have stated, i refuse to be at your beck and call for the rest of my life!”

“fine! you wanna become a supernatural creature?”

no one, not even bangchan saw what was coming next. jay used his vampire speed to pass everyone, to get to you.

you couldn’t even realize he was in front of you until he sunk his teeth into your neck. this time, it felt different. it didn’t feel like jay was feeding. no, this stung, terribly. you screamed out in pain.

you heard screaming, gasping, your named being yelled, jays name being yelled, and then jay ripped off of you.

all before you blacked out.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“babydoll, wake up please.” you heard sunghoons pleading voice.

“jay has lost his damn mind!” jake said next.

“what the hell is wrong with him?” this was heeseungs voice.

“it’s his emotions.” you think that was bangchan. “he’s blinded by her like he was sakura. but this time, he refused to lose her.” bangchan sighed. “he went against his morals to keep the woman he wanted.”

“but now we won’t even be able to feed off of her. her blood is like ours!” jake stated in worry. oh how he was going to miss your taste.

“not necessarily,” bangchan offered, “her body still needs to accept or reject the change.”

you squirmed. what does he mean accept or reject? you slowly opened your eyes, realizing you were at the boys house, in sunghoons room. you had a cold towel pressed on your forehead, a mini heart monitor attached to your finger.

“baby, you’re awake!” jake smiled in relief and went up next to you to grab your hand.

bangchan asked, “how are you feeling?”

“like hell.” you answered with a groan. “what do you mean accept or reject?”

bangchan didn’t beat around the bush. instead simply and straightforwardly answered your question. “when someone gets turned into a vampire, their body will either reject the transformation or accept it. by accepting it, you turn into a newbie. by rejecting, you’ll either return back to a human with some complications or die.” bangchan explained. “we’ll know in the next 12 hours what your body does.”

“what kind of complications?” you asked.

“there’s no limit or straight answer. some who have rejected the change became blind, or mute, or deaf. they’ve became paralyzed. some develop paranoia, ptsd, and other mental disorders. some end up getting tumors or cancer. very rare has those who rejected the change return to their normal self.”

“im gonna kill him.” sunghoon said under his breath.

“no need for that, let’s see how she does, first.” bangchan said trying to ease the tension. “remember, you all said she was special. it’s very rare a vampire loses all their morals and senses over a human. there must be a reason.”

“any ideas?” sunghoon asked.

“there’s a few,” bangchan began. “all of you say she’s special, at least the ones that have fed on her. and there’s some reasons to that. her blood could have a rare genetic marker that makes you all more attracted to her. it could be simple as her blood type is rare and more diserable. or it could be symbolic.”

“symbolic how?” you asked now interested yourself.

“a human who’s special to a vampire can represent the human side or humanity that vampires lost once they became what they are. a reminder of their past life of what they once were. it causes an emotional attachment and significance.”

“what was it for sakura?” you asked.

“her blood type was rare and more desirable back then.” sunghoon answered. “same for kazuha. the more we fed the more we bonded with them through their blood.”

“what happens if my body accepts the change?”

“you’ll have to feed on jays blood to complete the change.”

“and if i don’t?”

“you die.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

jay was being watched heavily by lee know, seungmin, sakura, and kazuha. eunchae stayed back at the house with ni-ki, and jen, chae and garam showed up to keep them company after what they witnessed.

jay was surprised by his own self. he’s never went against his morals. he vowed to never bite a human to change them unless they were close to dead and agreed to become a vampire.

“i don’t need a babysitter.” jay huffed.

“if she dies, i will rip your head off myself.” sakura snapped. “another human doesn’t deserve to die because of you.” sakura wanted to cry but she stayed strong.

“sakura, im so sorry.” jay apologized.

“centuries too late buddy.”

sunghoon walked into the living room where jay was being watched. jay stood up quickly, “how is she? any change? any idea of what her body will do?”

“she’s okay for now, she’s awake. no worries or ideas yet. she’s aware her body may accept or reject and bangchan explained what may happen if her body rejects it. bangchan even explained why we could be so attached to her.” sunghoon said.

“why are yall so possessive of her?” sakura asked. “is her blood that rare like how mine and kazuhas was? it’s the 21st century, im sure her rare blood type is more out there than before.”

sunghoon shook his head. “im not sure. she doesn’t remind me of my past before i became a vampire.”

jay shook his head. “me niether.”

“then it could be a genetic marker in her blood.” lee know offered as insight. “meaning she could come from a line of heritage that is just meant to be a human blood bank for vampires.”

“meaning she was made to be fed on by vampires.” seungmin summarized.

“then why aren’t yall going crazy for her? is it because you all haven’t tasted her?” sakura asked.

lee know shook his head. “she smells sweet, but not something i want. she is made for jay and his line of vampires, meaning, everyone he’s turned.”

“if we taste her, she may either taste normal or bitter to us.” seungmin added. “it also means someone in her family has the same genetic marker and was fed on by a descendant of jays. whether it be a great-great grandmother or great aunt or uncle, or whatever. there’s no pattern on how many generations it skips or passes down to.”

“if that’s the case, then her body will reject the change because she’s not meant to be a vampire.” bangchan spoke up as he came down to the living room. “if her genetic make up is made for her being fed on, then she’ll reject the change, survive, and go back to normal, hopefully with no complications. we just have to wait and see.”

“that still doesn’t excuse your behavior!” sakura scolded. “poor eunchae and ni-ki are probably traumatized!”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

12 hours later, you felt the same. you didn’t feel sick, you didn’t feel stronger, you felt like the same ole plain you. your body rejected the change with no complications.

bangchan explained the reasoning behind that. your genetic marker and why you’re so special.

“so i still grow old, they’ll be young, and eventually throw me to the curb?” you sighed.

bangchan shrugged. “not necessarily, weirder things have happened.”

you realized you do have a bond with these boys, and it started when jay took note of you in class. when your eyes met, you knew there was something special, some different. when he told you about him and the other guys, you weren’t scared, it almost felt normal.

you were stuck with them and you were okay with that.

little did you know, it was your great-great-great grandmother who carried the genetic marker. she was special to jays father. jays father fed on her and continues to with his wife, jays mom.

yes, that is right. your great-great-great grandmother is still alive. after she died, jays dad found a witch to bring her back to her young human form so he could continue to feed with the one blood he had a bond with.

jays dad would make sure his son knew the truth, when it came time to say goodbye to you and how he could keep you alive and young.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

[orangeocelotmartyn]

The start of something new (Garbage Rat, Martyn, and Ren triangle)

trancript under the cut

Oli: Have you seen a Rat-tic around here, because I told one of them there would be one. Water: I don't know what that is-- Eloise: No, but you know who I have found? I found Mratyn-I found Mratyn, and Will! Oli: Marty! Eloise: Everybody's here, yeah, Marty-- Oli: Marty's here. Marty from the good ole days! (begins playing a quiet clip of applause) Eloise: He looks a bit different, though, he looks a bit different, and I think he's got-I think he's got a boyfriend. Oli: (shuts off the sound of the applause) Wait, what. Eloise: I don't know, he just kept calling him all these pet names like "Big J" and "Captain," but I might be misinterpreting that. Oli: But he didn't call him anything like "O-Dawg," or-or "Garbage Rat," did he? Cause that's my names, he wouldn't use those on someone else. (he plays a clip of an audience 'aw'ing) Eloise: No, he didn't call him that. Oli: Oh, well, that's good, that's nice, I'd love to see Marty.

---

Oli: Don't worry guys, I'm gonna free you! Bek: Help me! Martyn: (through disbelieving laughter) You've gotta be joking--you've gotta be kidding, Garbage Rat! Oli: (joyously) Marty! Martyn: (laughing) What are you doing here! Oli: I've been here the wh--two weeks now, getting drunk on wine! And forgetting stuff. Martyn: What is the--right-- Oli: What happened to your eye? It go the same way as mine? Martyn: I don't wanna talk about it. Captain, if we're gonna recruit anybody, this is our guy-- Ren: Who is the loud one? Martyn: --This is our guy! Oli: You've not found another-- Ren: Reveal yourself loud one! Oli: Hello its me the Garbage Rat I eat the garbage. And what is your name sailor? Ren: Hello Garbage Rat, I am Admiral Jaque Levy La'rat. Oli: No way. And what are you doing with my boy? Ren: (clears throat) He's the Lieutenant on my-my vessel. I picked him up a few weeks ago out in the middle of the ocean, he was in half a tennis ball floating around and it was quite pathetic. Oli: No way...that's quite the step up from being a highway rat. Martyn: Ehh--that's the first time you've described it as pathetic, I don't think I like that. Bek: Bit embarrassing Martyn. Ren: Highway rat, what--? Oli: I actually never called him pathetic--

---

Oli: -friends everywhere we go-- Martyn: Garbage Rat! Oli: Oh my god, Captain, my Captain. (Martyn: Oh.) Hello. Ren: It's the Garbage one again, hello! Martyn: Oh, two seconds, Will! (Will: Okay!) Oli: Hello, you found yourself--you guys find yourself a ship to commandeer yet, you found yourself a highway to man? Martyn: Ah, we-- Ren: We find ourself a perfect spot to rebuild. Martyn: Yeah, we found a plot. We got home and a plot. We're gonna go to the kitchen with Will, wanna come? Ren: I would like, I would like to add, Mister Garbage, that you look magnificent on our boat. I mean, look--the three of us together, side by side, as the pirate crew is there no better-- Oli: Yeah...ey, ey now, I love pirating, I love stealing, I love robbing, I love eating. I'm all those things, but water is not a thing that I enjoy, my sweet croissant. Yeah. Water-- Martyn: Yeah, he's got a past with, uh, flushers. Oli: Drowning, flushes, the whole-- Ren: I understand. Oli: --nine yards, yeah. I shall not be going anything that could have whirlpools. Ren: Out on the high seas, some might call you a Coward. Martyn: Ooh. Oli: Well. In the garbage bin, somebody might call you a corpse. But I ain't gonna make it happen. (Martyn laughs in surprise) Martyn: Yikes. I should step in here, but I don't wanna, I wanna see what happens. Ren: My words. I've never heard such intimidation before. Oli: It's been a good few years. I've faced a lot of creatures in my time. I remember when we were-- Ren: Alright, well Mister Garbage, I'd be happy to have you as an ally on shore, in that case. Oli: I would love to be an ally on shore. And if you--

[brunnerasposts]

hiiiiii!

i saw your tbbt fix AND OMG IT WAS ADORABLE could i maybe get a story about the whole gang getting overprotective when Somone flirts with reader [ik it's basic I just love the overprotective trope]

tysm!♡ of course!

Dinner Disaster

The Big Bang Theory x GN!Reader

Summary: A dinner at the Cheesecake Factory gets awkward when the gang defends you from a stranger coming onto you

Word Count: 0.7k

Warnings: Outside of TBBT storyline, no shipping with anyone, gender neutral pronouns for reader

Additional Note: I had no idea what to name this one, I'm so sorry 😭

It was another average day for the gang in Pasadena. Everyone had just gotten home from work and decided to go have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory per Sheldon's consistent schedule.

You, Leonard, Howard, Amy, Bernadette, Penny, Raj, and Sheldon all took your usual places at the eight person table.

"Let's see... what am I going to order that isn't going to make me nauseous?" Penny asked herself, confusing Howard.

"Is something wrong with the food?" His chair made a slight scrape sound against the floor as he shifted. "Should I be eating a tum?" He joked.

Bernadette shook her head, rubbing her boyfriend's back. "No, silly. It's just that when you work in a restaurant for a while, the consistent smell of the food plus eating it on your break makes you get sick of it." She explained.

"Don't you feel weird eating dinner at the place you work?" Leonard asked you, making you shrug.

"I make a point not to eat the food here. Otherwise, I'd never step foot into the Cheesecake Factory again. I honestly can't smell half the foods in here anymore." You explained, the short scientist nodding as he looked over his menu.

"Excuse me," a voice came from next to you. Everyone, confused, looked to what they assumed was the waiter, but it was an unfamiliar man.

He was tall, clean shaven, but something felt off. Your gut told you this guy was going to cause trouble. Realizing that he was speaking to you, you turned to face him more. "Yes?"

"I know this might be a little forward, but you're really attractive, and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink with me at the bar?" The guy asked.

You froze.

Never had someone been so forward with you before, nor had anyone been so blatantly rude to the fact that you were otherwise busy. Penny, who sat next to you, leaned forward. "Who are you exactly?"

The man glanced at Penny, a bit taken back but also not doing anything to hide the fact that he was also checking her out. "Just a guy who noticed an attractive person and wanted to say hi."

Sheldon interjected, sounding annoyed with a stranger interrupting their dinner. "Excuse me, but I don't believe you understand the social protocols here. Our friend is clearly enjoying our company, and we are more than capable of fulfilling their intellectual and social needs."

Amy was quick to follow up. "Sheldon's right. We're a close-knit friend group, and quite honestly, I think you're making our friend uncomfortable." She added, her tone protective.

The man raised his hands defensively, clearly surprised that everyone was snapping back. "I didn't mean to cause trouble."

Raj, who had been silent up to this point due to his incapability to speak in front of women, managed to muster up the ability to say, "Back off, dude or Penny will kick your ass."

Penny gave Raj a look, but everyone knew that she'd be able to take him down.

"Woah, woah! Hey, look, I'm sorry. I was just trying to meet someone. No need for a fight." Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked to you. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Not really sure what to say, you shrugged. "You did, and I appreciate the apology. I'm going to have to decline." You tried to be nice about it, but your friends were making that a little difficult.

"Yeah, our friend is not interested. Goodbye!" Bernadette shooed him off. Surprised, the man blinked a few times before quickly scurrying off.

Once he was out of sight, the tension at the table seemed to disperse. You turned to everyone, laughing a little. "What was that, you guys?"

"What?" Leonard pretended to be oblivious, adjusting his glasses. "That whole thing that just happened!" You laughed, looking between everyone.

Amy, who sat adjacent to you, tilted her head a little. "Someone was making you uncomfortable. Did you think we were just going to let him?"

That made you smile, warmth spreading through you as you looked to everyone. Although you were slightly embarrassed, you were mainly appreciative that they were so quick to help.

"Thank you, guys." You said, touched by their concern. "Just remember I can take care of myself."

"We know. We just care about you." Bernadette smiled from a few seats down.

As dinner shifted back to its normal rhythm, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the people around you. Being apart of this quirky, overprotective group of friends meant you'd always have someone looking out for you.

You wouldn't have it any other way.

The End.

[a-killer-obsession]

Valentines Day Special '24 [Killer x Reader]

🔞 MINORS DNI 🔞

Hidden feelings lead to late night confessions.

CW: fluff and smut, oral sex, face-fucking, vaginal sex, afab reader

WC: 4401

Masterlist || AO3

To say you were grumpy today was an understatement. It had been just over a month since the Victoria Punk had docked at an island with a population, therefore it'd been just over a month since you'd gotten laid. It's not like you were the only one feeling antsy, after three uninhabited islands in a row the whole crew was anxious to get their dicks wet. A few of the other girls on the ship, like Quincy, had regular fuck buddies, but unfortunately you didn't. There was only one man on the ship you had your eye on, and he seemed as far from interested in you as possible, you'd probably have better luck seducing a seaking. To top it all off - it was Valentine's Day. The icing on the horny cake, if there was any day you should be getting laid, it should be today.  

You sighed and looked over the deck. The aforementioned man you had your eye on was making his usual quick, silent strides across the deck, his long blond mane fluttering behind him as he walked alongside the Captain. His shirts always seemed too small for his heavily muscled frame and you could swear sometimes that it was some sort of divine punishment for you specifically. Gods you would do anything to rip off that stretched shirt and run your tongue over the muscles hidden underneath. 

You must have been staring for a little too long because the masked man turned and looked at you midstride, he probably felt your eyes burning holes in his clothes while you thought about undressing him. You quickly looked away, pretending you were just looking at the open waters behind him. It probably wasn't subtle, and it definitely wasn't the first time he'd caught you ogling him. If he had any inclination to fuck you he would have done it by now, because surely it was clear by the sheer number of times you'd been caught eye-fucking him that you wanted him. Alas, he'd never even mentioned it, never made any comment that gave you any hint as to whether he returned the attraction, or was uncomfortable with your staring. You turned back to the railing behind you, groaning in frustration and leaning against it. 

“Kid wants to know why you were acting like such a pent up bitch at dinner,” a smooth baritone voice suddenly came from behind you. You squeaked in surprise and almost threw your book overboard from where you were sitting cross legged on the figurehead of the ship. 

“Jesus fucking christ Killer, we need to put a fucking bell on you,” you turned your torso and smacked him on top of his mask with your book. Considering how big he was, it was a playful gesture - you could never hurt the giant of a man. 

“Sorry,” he said with little emotion. 

“You can tell Kid I was acting like a pent up bitch because I am a pent up bitch,” you grumbled, spinning on your ass to face him properly, “when are we getting to an island with a decent town? I'm going to fucking implode if I don't get laid soon, even Heat is starting to look tempting at this point”

“ Everyone is pent up,” he added, “but you were acting particularly bitchy today”

“Yeah, well, none of you brutes could appreciate a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day,” you pouted, “usually by now I'd have a line of men kneeling at my feet begging to fuck me, roses and chocolates in hand. This fucking sucks”

“Oh, that's today?” He mused, “I didn't realise you cared, I didn't think anyone on this ship cared. Anyway if Heat is looking so ‘tempting’ why don't you just go jump him?”

“Because, Killer my sweet masked giant,” you patted him on the chest as you slid off the figurehead, “there's only one man on this ship I'm interested in fucking and I don't think he has a single molecule of interest in me. But hey, that's what vibrators are for”

He grabbed your wrist as you walked past and looked at you. You didn't turn to look back at him, the gesture was almost painful. Not physically, but emotionally. He knew full well you were talking about him, and he felt bad about it. “Killer, it's fine, you don't have to feel sorry for me. I'll get over it.” He let go when you tried to shake him off, and let you walk away without another word. 

In truth, you weren't sure if you would get over it. Till now a lot of what you thought you felt for Killer was just physical. It wasn't till he grabbed your wrist that you realised just how badly you craved his touch, how much you just wanted to be held by him. You'd rushed back to your room as fast as you could as tears pricked your eyes, realising that he would likely never return the feelings. Hell, you didn't even know what he looked like under the mask, he didn't trust you enough to show you, how could you ever expect him to open his heart to you? It hurt, this Valentine's Day really fucking sucked. And to make matters worse, your trusty vibrator died before you could cum. Thanks to the stupid, stupid fucking feelings you couldn't get there and in the end even your toy had given up on you. How depressing. 

It must have been past midnight by now, at least V day was over, as miserable as it had been. You decided to go get a snack after your self-fuck-athon, maybe you'd get lucky and find something sweet so you could at least eat your feelings. You didn't bother to put on pants, opting to just throw a satin dressing gown over your negligee before heading barefooted to the kitchen. It was warm enough anyway, the ship must be coming close to a summer island. That made you hopeful, summer islands were often tourist hot spots, ripe with hot, horny men. 

You were surprised to find the kitchen light on, only commanders were allowed in there outside of meal preparation hours and you were sure you were the only one midnight snack inclined, except for Heat of course who would get the munchies often after smoking pot. But he was on nightwatch, there's no way he'd be in the kitchen. You were even more surprised to hear a deep, angry “ fuck ” and the sound of something metal being dropped as you approached the door.

You opened it to find Killer, standing at the sink running his hand under a cool stream of water - the swearing must have been him burning his hand. He looked in your direction only for a moment as you entered, before turning his attention back to his hand. 

“You good, Kil?” You asked as you slid up beside him. You took his hand gently and inspected it, seeing that the burn looked small but deep. You weren't the ship's doctor but you helped out sometimes, being that you at least had some basic first aid knowledge. “Yikes, keep that under the water, I'll grab a dressing”

He did as he was told while you rummaged in the cupboards for the small first aid kit you insisted be kept in here in case of kitchen related incidents. Suck it, Kid, now who's idea is a waste of time? Point for [Y/N]! You retrieved a small gauze and some medical tape from the box - the burn needed to be dressed loosely so it could breathe, but be protected from anything that could cause infection. You ripped a few paper towels from the roll on the bench before turning off the tap and taking his hand gently again. He didn't protest, he knew you were in medical mode. You could get scary when someone refused medical care, scary even to a strong man like him. 

You pat his hand dry and inspected it one last time before applying the gauze and taping it down, flexing his hand to make sure the tape wasn't too tight for his muscles to move. “Make sure you go see doc tomorrow about this,” you instructed as you let go of his hand and set about putting the tape away and throwing out the gauze packaging. 

“Yes ma'am,” he grumbled, returning to whatever he'd been doing before while you opened the fridge to inspect its contents. The kitchen held other, more commercial style fridges, but this one was smaller, just for the commanders. It mostly held beer. 

“Hungry?” He mused. 

“Mmm,” you replied, closing the fridge with a disappointed sigh, “shit all in here though” 

“Here,” he turned and held something out for you. A chocolate cupcake, not yet iced and still warm from the oven. He must have burnt his hand taking them out. 

“You made… cupcakes?” You asked quizzically, looking at the small cake in your hand with confusion as you peeled away the paper lining. It was a weird thing for a big, tough guy like Killer to be making in the first place, let alone in the middle of the night. You took a bite, it was soft and warm and laced with chocolate chips. You almost purred at how delicious it was, even without icing. “KIL! THIS IS DELICIOUS!”

“Thanks,” he'd turned back to the rest of the cupcakes and was gingerly moving them to a cooling rack, “I uh… I made them for you. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

You paused mid bite, absolutely dumbfounded. He'd made cupcakes… for you? “What? Why?” You asked before taking another glorious bite. 

“You're supposed to give chocolate on Valentine's right?” He explained shyly, “I know it's late, and it's not exactly a box of assorted artisan bonbons, but I figured at least chocolate flavoured would be something? I don't have any flowers, sorry”

You were absolutely shell shocked, frozen in silence, cupcake still in hand, just staring at him. He realised after a moment that you hadn't said anything and looked over his shoulder at you. 

“Kil…” you sighed, “I don't… I don't understand” 

He sighed and turned around, leaning against the bench behind him. He ran a hand down his mask in frustration - not at you, but at himself. Of course you didn't understand, you'd given him every opportunity to show he had feelings for you, and he'd thrown them all away. 

“I… I thought, for the longest time, that you just wanted me… for sex,” he started to explain, staring at the floor, “but I… I wanted more, I didn't want to be just something physical with you. And I didn't think you wanted anything more than that, but…” he paused, his mask turning in your direction now, “I realised today that maybe that wasn't true, and I've hurt you by just ignoring it completely.”

You were sure what to say. The man had just confessed his feelings for you when you thought up until five minutes ago that you'd never have a chance with him. Hell, your eyes were probably still puffy from crying about it. And now you were standing here, home baked cupcake in hand, made specifically for you, and a confession swimming in your mind. Your brain felt fried. 

“I…” you couldn't form a complete sentence, you were overwhelmed. You probably would have just said fuck it and kissed him, but the stupid mask was in the way, so you just awkwardly put your cupcake on the bench. You'd intended to turn to him after putting it down, but you found yourself stuck staring at the granite. 

A hesitant hand slid across the counter to where yours still laid after putting the cupcake down, and he took your hand in his. “Please say something,” he almost whispered. 

“Sorry I just…” you took a deep breath and a small laugh escaped you, “to be honest Killer, I just spent the evening crying over you, and now you confess these feelings I never thought were possible and bake me cupcakes and I… I'm just really overwhelmed, sorry” 

“I made you cry?” He whispered, sliding a little closer and squeezing your hand, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to”

“I know, Kil,” you forced a smile for him, looking where you guessed his eyes were, “I know.”

He slid closer, wrapping his other arm around your waist and pressing his mask into the crook of your neck. You rested your head against it and sighed, pressing into the hug and squeezing his hand back reassuringly. Gods he was so close, and he smelt so fucking good, like musk and vanilla and cardamom, a rush of electricity sparked down to between your legs, you wanted to fucking devour him. 

“Fuck this,” you announced, suddenly over the tender moment when you remembered how fucking down bad you were. If the others weren't awake yet then maybe it was still technically Valentine's Day, the day wasn't entirely lost. You grabbed his hand firmly and dragged him behind you as you left the kitchen. He came willingly, albeit a bit confused, as you led him towards your room. He paused in his stride when he realised where you were taking him. 

“What?” You said, frustrated as you looked at him. He was far too big for you to lead if he wasn't willing.

“Uh,” he seemed nervous, “we should go to my room. My bed is bigger”

“ Oh,” you replied. Oh he was willing, apparently he had the same thing on his mind if he was making the suggestion. “Okay then, lead the way” 

He hesitated for a moment before gaining a sudden burst of confidence and grabbing you, picking you up and slinging you over his shoulder. “Oi!” You complained. He grabbed your ass and squeezed it in response, and you squealed excitedly, if you weren't wet before you were definitely wet now as the man you'd been fantasizing about for months carried you to his bed. 

He opened the door and immediately threw you on the bed, before turning and locking the door behind him. His chest was heaving as he looked at you and his pants sported a clear bulge. He looked big, even through his pants, and you swallowed heavily as your eyes ran up and down him. He was doing the same to you, his mask tilting up and down oh so slightly as he undressed you in his mind. 

You moved to the edge of the bed, kneeling, and beckoned to him with one finger and a sly smirk. He wasted no time ripping off his shirt and coming to the side of the bed, and your hands were all over him as fast as you could move them. “Fuck I've thought about this a million times,” you said before licking a long stripe up his abdomen, from the top of his blond snail trail to his collar bone, where you sucked and nipped before moving to his neck. He grunted under the mask, and one of your hands slid down his chest to rest over his groin, palming his bulge. 

His hips moved of their own accord, pressing his eager dick into your hand. You took the hint and brought your other hand down while you continued to kiss and suck his neck and trapezius, unfastening his jeans and pushing them down along with his boxers enough to let his large erection spring free. You paused your devouring to admire it, thick and veiny, the pink tip already leaking precum. A wide grin spread over your face, you knew this man would not disappoint you with girth like that. You bet he knew how to use it too. 

“Like what you see?” He mused, running a hand through your hair, tugging a little in an obvious hint.

“I do,” you purred, sliding your knees further back on the bed so you could lower your torso, bringing your face level with his hard cock. You looked up at him as your tongue met his tip, swirling around it before running a stripe along the underside. He groaned and pulled at your hair. “Use your words, Killer,” you cooed. 

“Fuck [Y/N], suck it or I'm gonna fucking die,” he growled, pulling your hair harder. 

You smirked and he moaned under the mask as you finally took him in your mouth. The girth pushed your lips to their limits, stretching your muscles almost painfully as you wrapped both hands around the base to pump what wasn't currently in your mouth. You started a slow, firm rhythm, moving your hands in the opposite direction to your head, meeting in the middle. His hips jerked and his dick slid deeper in your mouth, hitting the back of your throat before he suddenly pulled back. 

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled. 

“It's okay baby,” you purred, before taking him in your mouth again, the whole way this time. His eyes widened under the mask as your nose met his blond pubes, your eyes still looking up at him. You held him there for a moment, running your tongue along his underside, before sliding back and letting him go with a pop. 

“ Fuck,” he gasped, “you don't have a gag reflex?”

“Lost it in the war,” you winked, “you can be rough with me if you want”

You opened your mouth invitingly, sticking out your tongue, your hands running over his thighs. He eagerly took the invitation and shoved his dick in your mouth unceremoniously, grabbing your head with both hands to hold it still as he started to thrust. Slowly at first, but as he realised you really could take it he moved faster, using your throat like a cock sleeve. His moans as he used you made you unbelievably wet, you loved looking up and seeing him looking down at you, watching his cock disappear in your mouth while he fucked it. 

“Fuck… fuck,” he grunted before his thrusts stopped suddenly, his cock deep in your throat as his hot load spilled from it and slid straight down. You moaned around his dick in response, sucking your cheeks tight to milk every last drop from him, incredibly aroused as you watched him come undone, his head thrown back and his hands wound tight in your hair. He finally let you go, pulling your greedy mouth of his cock and throwing you further back on the bed. 

“Hungry little slut,” he growled, reaching for the strap that held his mask firmly on, “you're going to be the fucking death of me.” You heard the click of the latch and shivered with anticipation, eager to see what he looked like underneath. You let out an audible gasp as he removed it, revealing sharp blue eyes with heavy lashes and purple painted lips. 

“What the fuck, Killer?” You almost yelled, “why the fuck do you wear a mask when you look like that? ” 

He gave you a shit eating smile before climbing on top of you, his half hard dick pressing between your legs and giving you much needed friction. You moaned and rolled your hips up towards him, desperately seeking more. 

“No more talking,” he growled before smashing his lips against yours. He could taste himself on your tongue as it fought with his, both of you moaning and grinding against each other like horny teenagers before he finally broke the kiss. He grabbed your waist and pulled you up as he kissed and sucked your neck, leaving hickies and bite marks where his mouth traveled, while he pushed off your robe and pulled your nightie up over your head. When he let you go you landed with a bounce, your tits bouncing with you before he hungrily took one in his mouth and sucked at your hard nipple. His hand found the other, rubbing the pebble between his thumb and index and pulling gently to illicit small moans from you. 

His mouth traveled further down, his tongue leaving a wet trail on your abdomen as he made his way to your mound, his thumb finding your pussy and rubbing over the clothed folds. 

“Fuck, Kil, please,” you begged. 

He twisted the band of your panties with his index fingers and pulled them down, sitting back for a moment to free them from your ankles and throwing them aside. He looked at your naked body for a moment, admiring your soft curves and the marks he'd left on you. He stood up with a smirk, and you whined as he moved away. 

“Where are you going?” You complained.

“Give me a second,” he replied as he opened a side table drawer, pulling a hair tie from it and fastening it around his long blond mane as he returned to you. “Had to get my hair out of the way,” he crawled back between your legs, pushing your thighs apart and running kisses over them. You moaned as his nose ran over your center, and he used his hands to spread you open. 

“So wet…” he mused before running his tongue between your folds. You almost cried at how good it felt to finally have him on you, and his tongue quickly found your clit and swirled circles around it. He looked up at you from between your legs as he sucked on it, pulling a deep groan from you. Under his chin his hand slid up, his middle finger toying with your entrance before sliding in easily, twisting to find your sweet spot and pressing against it. 

“Hnng.. Kil..” you mewled as your hips rolled on their own. 

He slid in another finger, pumping you slowly, letting you stretch around his thick digits before adding a third. He pressed up against your g-spot, making short, hard thrusts against it while he continued to suck on your clit and play with it with his tongue. You were so pent up, your orgasm hit you so suddenly without warning, almost pushing his fingers out from how tight you squeezed around them as you squirted and shook. He worked you through it, paying no mind to the juices dripping from his goatee as you moaned and cried his name. 

He pulled his fingers out and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, sitting back on his heels and admiring his work while you panted. “Fuck, sorry Kil, I'm not usually that… violent,” you stuttered out between heavy breaths. 

He gave you a smug grin as he crowded back over you, kicking off his shoes and pulling his jeans the rest of the way off. “My girl only squirts for me, huh?” He leaned down and kissed you hard, forcing his tongue in and making you taste yourself. You thought it would taste bad, but the sweet musky flavour made you moan, “you taste so good baby, I could never get enough of that,” he cooed when he finally pulled away. 

His dick was hard again and he pressed the tip against your pussy, rubbing against your over sensitive clit. “Think you can take me?” His voice was deep and dark with arousal, it made you shudder. 

“Fuck, please Kil,” you were practically clawing at his forearms as your hips tried to meet him, but he skillfully kept his length away, “please, fuck me”

“Mmm,” he purred, running his nose against your neck till his mouth met your ear, “get on your knees” 

The second he leaned away you were moving, flipping to your front and presenting your ass for him, your wet pussy on full display and begging to be filled. “Good girl,” he cooed, pressing his tip against your entrance, “here you go baby”

He slid inside in one fluid motion, made easy by how soaked you were from your previous orgasm, and you both groaned as he bottomed out. He paused and let you adjust, his girth stretching you deliciously and filling you so well, his chest resting against your back as he waited for you to be ready for him. 

“Kil, move, please,” you begged. He didn't waste anymore time, starting a deep, fast rhythm, almost desperate, right off the bat. His heavy length rubbed against your g-spot with every thrust, making you moan with reckless abandon, uncaring of who heard. He grunted and whispered your name like a prayer as he fucked you hard, his front snapping against your ass and leaving it red with every deep movement. 

“Fuck, you're so tight, fuck,” he mumbled.

Your core was already tight as he lost himself in you, your body being shaken back and forth with the pounding, your orgasm quickly approaching. You barely had time to reach back and grab his thigh before you screamed out, your walls squeezing around him as you came hard.

“Ha.. fuck..” he grunted, slamming in to you and stilling as he came deep inside you, filling you with another hot load. 

The two of you collapsed onto the bed as he pulled out, his head against your shoulder blades and his hot breath making your skin damp. His hands were on your hips, holding you tight in place while you both caught your breath. He rolled off to give you space to breathe, laying on his back beside you, his head turned in your direction. You turned to him and smiled, reaching a hand up and pushing his messy bangs out of his face. His eyes closed and his face pressed into your palm, so you rested it against his cheek, caressing him with your thumb. You wondered if anyone had ever touched him like this, since he no doubt kept his mask on with other women. 

“Kil?” You whispered, sliding closer and resting your head on his shoulder.

“Mm?” He mumbled, his eyes still closed, half asleep at this point. 

“No more hiding feelings, kay?” You said softly, and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“Kay,” he whispered back, before turning and wrapping himself around you, getting comfortable and falling asleep. 

He was still wrapped around you when you woke up, naked and spooning on top of the covers, the wrong way across the bed where you'd both fallen asleep. He kissed your shoulder as he felt you wake, humming as he ran his nose across your skin and breathed you in. He was already making plans to spoil you next Valentine's Day. 

[leandra-kinard]

The Spy who Loved Me

Inspired by the unhinged spy!Tommy theory and all the amazing fandom responses, here's a little something I just wrote.

~*~

“Maybe they should hire you to play the next Bond,” Buck says and looks up from where he’s snuggled against Tommy’s side.

“Me?”

There’s that now quite familiar look of amused disbelief on Tommy’s face that Buck’s come to adore; if he’s perfectly honest, he’s said the one or other surprising and outrageous thing just to trigger it.

He bites his bottom lip, but feels the grin stretch on his lips nevertheless. “Uh-huh. I think you’d look amazing in a tux.”

Tommy huffs out a small chuckle and trains his eyes back onto the TV where Daniel Craig is wearing said tux. He looks great in it, too, but Buck is convinced Tommy would look at least ten times hotter in the same outfit.

“Too bad they don’t hire Americans for the role,” Tommy says with a soft sigh. “Although, I have been informed I can do a smashing Bri’ish accent.”

Buck snorts out a laugh. “That was terrible.”

“Hey!” Tommy retorts with fake indignation.

“It was— uh. Pretty bad. Not nearly as convincing as your fake mouth static.”

There’s a gleam of amusement in Tommy’s eyes for a second before his expression goes nearly blank. He turns his head a bit more closely towards Buck and says, “Why is it that people who can’t take advice always insist on giving it?”

For a split-second, Buck is taken aback, but just as he sees the hint of a smirk tug at one corner of Tommy’s mouth, he remembers just having heard that line in the movie a few minutes ago. He lets out another soft chuckle and rests his head back on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Okay, that was— uh— a little better.”

“Just a little? Let’s hear yours then.”

“Uh, no. I— uhm, couldn’t do a convincing ‘Bri’ish’ accent if my life depended on it.”

“Well then,” Tommy says, no longer trying to imitate an English pronunciation, “I suppose this Bond is gonna have an American ‘Bond Boy’ then.”

Buck feels another chuckle bubble up his throat, paired with a small tingling deeper in his belly — a playful excitement as he lifts his head once more. “Mr. Bond, you’re really good at faking an American accent, you know that?”

There’s just the hint of a huffed-out chuckle coming from Tommy before his face and tone turn serious again. “All part of my training. You should hear my Austrian accent,” he says in what sounds like a somewhat convincing impersonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Buck can’t help but laugh at that but tries to play along. “Yeah, that— uh— that was pretty convincing. Hm. Maybe you are a spy.”

“Yeah?” Tommy asks, brows raised. “You have any valid reasons to suspect me?”

Buck pretends to think and shrugs. “Well. You showing up that closely to when Captain Jackass did? Maybe… uhm. Maybe he planted you long before to prepare his hostile takeover?”

Tommy responds with a shocked expression of mock outrage, but then sighs. “Okay. You blew my cover. I am a spy. In fact, I’ve been studying you for months.”

“Really?” Buck asks, that silly excitement once more bubbling up in his belly and chest. “So you— uh— being friends with Eddie first was part of that?”

“All just a ploy. It started earlier than that. In fact, we’ve got our own mad scientist on our side who caused the freak hurricane that capsized the cruise ship.”

“Wow. I knew it,” Buck replies, trying to swallow the giggle of amusement that wants to escape him.

“Yeah. There’s just one problem with the whole scenario,” Tommy says with another sigh.

“What’s this?” Buck asks and watches Tommy’s gaze turn softer, whatever playful pretense in it almost entirely gone now as he looks directly into Buck’s eyes.

“I’ve fallen in love with my target.”

A breath leaves Buck on its own accord, pushed out of his lungs with the swell of emotion that makes his heartbeat pick up. “Y— yeah?”

“Mhm,” Tommy nods solemnly, one hand reaching out to Buck’s neck, his thumb gently brushing along the line of his jaw as his face moves closer. “Guess I have no choice but to turn double agent now.”

Before Buck can respond, he feels Tommy’s lips on his. It’s a soft, gentle contact at first, but it takes his breath away nevertheless. Despite the little ‘roleplay’, the emotion, the affection he feels in the kiss is more real than he ever remembers it feeling with anyone before.

And then it deepens. Tommy’s stealing the breath from Buck’s lips as he licks into his mouth. There’s a huffed, trembling sound following it that Buck equally seeks to devour, and the tingling in his stomach shoots lower and runs all the way up his spine with a yearning hunger.

Holding onto Tommy’s lips for a moment longer, memorizing the taste and sensation as if he can’t get a dozen more just minutes after, Buck finally draws away. He’s shifted on the couch, half kneeling on the surface now next to Tommy, and one hand on his shoulder. A smirk forms on his lips as he lets his hand drift slowly, deliberately, down Tommy’s front to his belt buckle.

“Maybe I should blow more than just your cover?”

Tommy lets out a tiny chuckle, his brows going up a fraction with a subtle, suggestive glance.

“I knew being a spy would really pay off one day,” he says as his hand drifts to the back of Buck’s head, gently pushing him downwards.

On the TV, the Bond movie remains entirely forgotten.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

hi! i saw on your shipping chart you had meenah and cronus as moirails and noted 'would have prevented all problems' and ive never really seen that take before. id love to hear your thoughts on that if you wanted to talk about them, your analysis in general is always amazing

Sure! I know this one's going to be controversial, but TBH I'm kind of fascinated by their dynamic. So please bear with me here and come into it with an open mind; I was also really surprised when I noticed what was going on.

Also, standard disclaimer that nobody has to agree with me or ship my ships, I literally don't care, HCs are valid, death of the author, etc. etc. This is just a canon discussion blog, and there's kind of a weird amount to read into in the canon between these two.

Okay, so, first of all, quick refresher on moirallegiance: it's not necessarily about being BFFs, it's very specifically about pacifying each other, keeping each other calm and stable, and preventing each other from causing harm to oneself or to others.

Ergo, the marker of moirallegiance rests not on "do these two get along as BFFs?" and instead on "do these two keep each other calm and/or mitigate each others' harm".

So with that out of the way, Cronus and Meenah. We know that Cronus has a redcrush on her, echoing Eridan's redcrush on Feferi, and that Meenah is not interested at all. Cronus shoots his shot with her, she's like ick, no & leaves, and that's that on that. Cronus then rounds on Mituna and says some unbelievably cruel and shitty stuff, but here's Point #1 - Meenah shows up again, and Cronus stops immediately, and then is noticeably calmer and friendlier to Mituna. Compare:

CRONUS: you are a brain damaged reject on a team full of rejects. a rejects reject. i vwould havwe culled you myself if that vword meant vwhat it should havwe on our planet.

-

CRONUS: vwell, this is clearly absurd, but nyeh, vwhat the heck. CRONUS: mituna, i just cant take it anymore. i think my ghost is going to kill itself. MITUNA: WH0W4H L375 FUCK!!!!! CRONUS: vwait... CRONUS: really? MITUNA: N0 0Y0 P135H3 0FF 1ND107 FUGG1NG G4R484G3  #FUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0U CRONUS: oh.

So at the very least, SOMETHING conciliatory seems to be happening here, whether that's pale or ashen. But I'm going with pale, because it continues.

Their second conversation together is really interesting - not only has Cronus stopped redflirting with her, but he no longer even seems interested. Compare this to the section with Mituna above:

CRONUS: oh sure. no grub sauce on your hands! MEENAH: wow you did it MEENAH: ampora you totally changed my mind about you lets start makin out immediately  #not CRONUS: just admit it. you havwe it vwithin you to be just as harsh to our behelmeted buddy as i am, if not more

Like, he doesn't even ACKNOWLEDGE the "let's make out #not". Not even in an indignant "see, you keep playing with my collapsing and expanding bladder based vwascular system" kind of way. Literally just breezes right by it, which says to me that he isn't even really that into her concupiscently.

But more interesting are the actual contents of the conversation. Cronus is the only person on the entire team who's able to make Meenah have misgivings about how awesome the Condy is.

MEENAH: man MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayin MEENAH: like MEENAH: i probably took care of him good MEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways MEENAH: and... yeah #38(

This is the first and only time that Meenah even acknowledges that the Condy - herself at her worst - is kind of shitty. This is the first and only time she's ever expressed any emotion for the Condy other than fangirlish admiration or rage against Caluborn for enslaving her. For whatever reason, she actually listens to Cronus when Cronus takes her to task, and he's actually able to make her genuinely reflect on her worst tendencies.

But maybe more damning is the fact that in their first real conversation together for nearly an eon, she almost fixes him:

MEENAH: i heard a rumor you think youre a human now MEENAH: that true CRONUS: its a privwate matter. i dont see vwhy i should havwe to talk about it vwith you, and open myself up to more of your judgmental scorn. MEENAH: sounds like another desperate cry for attention imo

[...]

CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up.

Cronus's fundamental emotional problem is a sense of purposelesness and ennui. Born into a caste of high privilege, with his identity overshadowed by said position, he's been handed an unpleasant cocktail of entitlement, lack of true emotional support or connection, and lack of a real, authentic personal identity - especially because the thing he DID seem to derive a sense of identity and purpose from - his little Harry Potter wizard backstory - was driven out of him. In other words, he's kind of a shitty rich kid that doesn't really know who he is outside of that, and his humankin stuff is an attempt to fill the wizard hole without addressing his real underlying issues. It's a Bad Thing for him to be doing, and something he should drop in order to start addressing his genuine insecurities, feelings of emptiness, and lack of identity or purpose. In other words, it's harm he's performing on himself, and a single conversation with Meenah being enough to make him reconsider it? Hmmmmmm.

In fact, I'm not the only one picking up on the pale vibes. The specific way that Kankri interrupts the two reads as incredibly pick-me in pale:

KANKRI: Listen, I was d9ing y9u a fav9r. Y9u d9n't need t9 6e dating any9ne wh9 can't appreciate y9u f9r wh9 y9u really are, 9r m9re imp9rtantly, which fantasy versi9n 9f y9urself y9u m9st str9ngly identify with.

[...]

I just wanted y9u t9 kn9w that I'm here f9r y9u, and am prepared t9 lecture t9 y9u extensively, I mean, listen t9 y9u extensively, a69ut y9ur ultra-imp9rtant pr96lem.

"Don't take Meenah's advice about your problems! Take mine instead, I care about you sooo much more than she does!" lol. I have a whole essay on how Kankri and Cronus are actually super toxic for each other, in an interesting foil to Karkat and Eridan, which I'll link here in a bit (I'm on mobile RN and it's hard enough C/Ping my sources).

In any case, Kankri slides in at exactly the moment where Meenah's about to fix Cronus, and proceeds to make Cronus worse. The details are in the Cronus and Kankri essay, but TL;DR it's kind of implied that Kankri is the one who talked Cronus out of the wizard stuff in the first place, which pretty much disqualifies the two's relationship from pale, given how harmful that was. This whole thing is pretty reminiscent of Gamzee coming between Karkat and Eridan when Eridan is trying to comfort Karkat about Sollux dying, because it's implied Gamzee has a palecrush on the guy. That might be subjective, though.

What isn't subjective is the fact that Meenah unironically defends Cronus's wizard beliefs when Aranea starts shitting on them.

ARANEA: Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought [Cronus's wizard beliefs were] all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense. MEENAH: serket why do you got to hate on other peoples religions MEENAH: dont you kno they just as much a load of crackpotty bunk as all your spiritual bullfuck ARANEA: 8ut I........ ARANEA: Yes, I guess I was out of line.

She doesn't do this for anybody else. Not long after, it turns out she's absolutely joking about defending Kurloz:

MEENAH: wow serket MEENAH: just wow so rude MEENAH: poor clown ARANEA: Don't give me that! I seem to remem8er you having more than a few unkind words for him 8ehind his 8ack. MEENAH: yeah im messin witchu he sux

And even proceeds to shit on HIS spiritual bullfuck:

MEENAH: )(ONK ARANEA: Honk honk! ::::) MEENAH: lol im glad we can both agree that clowny fuckin soda cult is the dumbest shit ever

So... weird, huh? Seems like she gives Cronus special treatment for some reason.

That's it for the diegetic stuff to go over, which, yes, means that there's a bit of non-diegetic stuff to discuss. It's not much, but here's Hussie's commentary from the Act 5 Act 2 book, on Mindfang's journal entries about Dualscar leading up to the 3x showdown (emphasis mine):

In the end, even though violets are the ruling class, she doesn't care much about them either. All she cares about is keeping her stranglehold on power with this complex, staggered, oppression-based sort of pyramid scheme. Note how it says the Condesce doesn't even know who Dualscar is. That's how insignificant he is, ultimately. Similarly, all Eridan was to Feferi after a while was a tiresome pest. The way that situation played out could also be seen as long-delayed karmic backlash for Dualscar's irrelevance to her, at least from a very Amporan point of view.

Now, while the specific context here is about how, from the point of view of a shitty entitled guy, Eridan killing Feferi is kind of a retribution for the Condy not giving a shit about Dualscar, all of Hussie's commentary is meant to be interrogated just as much as the base text, and it just makes me wonder. The dancestors very much treat their Alternian counterparts as alternate versions of themselves, consistent throughout their interactions, meaning we ought to consider Duascar and the Condesce to be versions of Cronus and Meenah.

If it is, in fact, the case that Cronus and Meenah would've made for excellent, harm-reducing moirails for each other, then murderstuck being a karmic backlash for their ultimate irrelevance to each other takes on a much greater implication - one that traces back to Cronus's classpect.

Bards start off massive karmic chain reactions, resulting in improbable victory or abject defeat, sometimes both; Hope is an aspect whose main application is making fake things real.

So I'm not saying that Cronus believing that an evil wizard attacked him when he was younger but was inadvertently sealed away and that Cronus was therefore karmically destined to defeat this wizard, but then having his beliefs shattered halfway through, led to him karmically contributing to the eventual creation of LE via his Hope abilities "inviting destruction" by making only the first half of his fake prophecy true, but - oh, no, wait, I am saying that. Man, that really sucks for everybody. If only Cronus had a friend who was, for whatever reason, willing to stick up for his dumbass wizard faith.

If only.

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Moooore descendants 4 incorrect quotes with Glassheart/CharmingHeart (they back)

(and other ships)

Red: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

(Girl. Same)

---

Maddox: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk!

Red: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them.

Maddox: You said I should try some!

Red: I said they were good.

Maddox: That’s not how I heard it.

(MADDOX! HIIIII! SOME LOVE FOR YOU TOO BUDDY!)

---

Red: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Maddox always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity.

(AU. Red is a good cook)

---

Chloe: So how’s the food Red made?

Cinderella: It's great! Compliments to them.

Chloe: *goes to the kitchen*

Chloe: You're adorable.

Red: *blushes*

(again. Red is a good cook. She invites the Charmings for dinner and then asks them for their blessing when Chloe leaves)

---

Chad: we could make a boys club!

Maddox: Im non-binary.

Chad:

Chad: Anti-girls club.

(Slay. Also can't decide if Maddox should be green or purple. Maybe even orange but I chose green for now. Will change later if I'm in the mood)

---

Red: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Chloe: Do it or you're straight.

Red: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

(That's too far, Chloe! Are you mad?!)

---

Chloe: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Chloe: Oh, look! A butterfly!

(She's either laser focused or cannot concentrate at all)

---

Red: *clicks pen*

Maddox: *clicks pen in response*

Queen of Hearts: Stop that.

Red: Stop what?

Queen of Hearts: You’re talking about me in Morse code!

Red: Yes, that’s what we doing. In our very limited time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Congrats, you figured us out!

*later*

Red, to Chloe: That’s actually exactly what we were doing.

(I'm surprised you kept your Head. And they absolutely did learn that because they had nothing else they could do)

---

Chloe: Come on, Chad. Nobody actually believes that Red is in love with me.

Chad, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Red is helplessly in love with Chloe.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Chloe: Red, put your hand down.

(*raises hand* what more evidence do you need??)

---

Chloe: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.

Chloe, gesturing to Chad and Red fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

---

Red: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Chloe made me get tested.

(It is canon now. Headcanon)

---

Chloe: Anything else?

Red: Yeah. Stay away from me!

Chloe: Alright. See you in the room we share

(Literally them. Canon. can also be switched)

---

Queen of Hearts: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

(rather that and not off with my head)

---

Queen of Hearts: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Red’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

(Oop-. Damn. She would care more tho. I think..)

---

Queen of Hearts: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.

Mal: What makes you say that?

Queen of Hearts: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?

Mal: Your Majesty.. You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?

Queen of Hearts: *screams in anger*

(Just a meeting between two Queens ✨. Canon

---

Queen of Hearts: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Maddox: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

(ssSSHHhhH. Not so loud. Don't want you to lose your head. Canon tho)

---

Red: I’m terrible at expressing myself.

Uma: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words.

Red: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

(Girl same. Getting advice from the principal ✨ she probably did something 👀)

---

Queen of Hearts: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

(She for real does make it everyone's problem)

---

Hope you liked it!

Wanted to add more but then it would have been too long.

So the next one has more of the OGs

Byeeee