#yeah ethel is really fantastic

[inkykeiji]

Clari ! I was listening to ethel cain today and her song Inbred (lol) is sooo touya-nii and reader ! I know you may not like it/listen to her because her music is similar to nicole dollanganger and I remember you saying somewhere that shes a lil triggering but! I just thought id share in case (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

gore pop!! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) i can actually handle ethel cain a lot easier than i can handle nicole; there’s just something about nicole that hits so close to home, and i think it might be because we grew up so close to one another—she really captures the barren, desolate, absolutely eerie feeling of small-town ontario that’s so hard to explain if you didn’t grow up in small-town ontario AHAHA <3 ethel feels a little more removed from myself with her southern gothic type vibe n all that. i think they’re both absolutely phenomenal artists + lyricists though!!!

anYWAY enough of my rambling; i’ve heard inbred before and you’re literally 100% RIGHT it is so touya-nii. my favourite part is scumbag fuck but i swear that he’s not / he’s so good to me and to nobody else / so you should watch yourself because it’s just,,, it’s touya-nii and his little sister to a T. it’s he’s the best to me, he loves me so much, and he’ll fucking kill you <33

[amysgiantbees]

I just find it strange that the developers chose to rewrite Wyll. I love new Wyll I think he's fantastic and I don't necessarily want the previous version. But I find it bizarre that there was somehow so much negative feedback about old Wyll that they risked completely rewriting him.

Now I love all the companions. This is not Dragon Age Orgins where I debate recruiting Ogrun every time. But I just find it strange that the reason given was Wyll's negative feedback when most of the other characters have been unpopular too. Like Lae'zel is infamously unlikable to a great many people.

People love to bully Gale and there's even lines in game that call him pathetic. The DEV's in the IGN interview even agreed that Gale killing himself can be a good ending, " I really liked Gale setting off the bomb with the brain, and actually that felt like the right ending to me.

AS: In many ways it is, yeah." Which feels problematic to say the least, like I get supporting player choices but suicide is never the "right" way to do things.

Or even I'm pretty sure I remember Neil Newbon talking about how he was sure a lot of players had killed Astarion permanently in their playthroughs.

Then there are people being absolute freaks on the internet about Halsin all because he's polyamorous.

Like these characters are wildly popular too but they certainly have their haters. So why did they lack such confidence with Wyll? The best source I could find on early access Wyll is this article https://gamerant.com/baldurs-gate-3-wyll-early-access-story-change-karlach-explained/. It says that this change was made to make his story stronger, make him more unique, and give him more complicated emotional ties. Unless he was really basic before they did not accomplish this. He has less content so his story lacks the depth the other's do. It's also inconsistent, with you being able to put him off being a duke by telling him he'll be too power hungry which he has never been. His emotional ties are rushed. He never really confronts his father, having the tadpole do most of the work and never hashing out his feelings beyond that he's fine.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. According to the article he was meant to have a dark side like Shadowheart "According to the panel, depending on whether players allow him to go through with killing Karlach, he will become a radically different companion instead of if she is recruited." Which would have been cool but if they didn't have enough time to do that maybe they should have tweaked what they had.

Plus, according to the article in early access he was "a straightforward hero who develops a violent side regarding his patron or goblins." This article too show's that his early approval matches current Wyll pretty well except for dealing with Aunty Ethel and more goblin hate https://fextralife.com/baldurs-gate-3-early-access-companions-guide-wyll/.

I just don't know I just find it so frustrating that it was the black main character they chose to tweak and ran out of time to complete his story and still haven't fixed it with a patch. And in the IGN interview the devs kind of sounded like there wouldn't be anymore patches and it's just frustrating. Wyll deserves just as much content as any one else.

[anatomicaltheatre]

JUST PERVED OUT🤎 loved it so much 10/10 for what it was which is fantastic. so glad i took the time to listen to it the way it was meant to be listened to w no distractions and just completely engaged in every sound. i ended up writing notes on each song as i listened so i wouldnt forget the feelings it evoked and the imagery it made me think of, and it got very stream of consciousness-y and it was a lot of fun. i dont usually listen to albums this way but i think i should more often. i really do love challenging art that forces you to tap into your subconscious and gut instincts to reveal its meaning. i was excited to hear that perverts would be more noise oriented and really stoked for something super weird, but a little apprehensive since i dont listen to that sort of music as often as id like. but this album was just such a great EXPERIENCE overall and just full of so much cool sound and it was sooo scary and sexy at the same time. this album is definitely designed to scare off certain people from ethel cain as an artist and i applaud her for that. not me tho i loved it and i want to listen to more of it. favs were probably punish, vacillator, and pulldrone; vacillator really stood out when i was listening to the entire album but i think as individual songs punish is my fav (probably why it's a single lol). butttt yeah loved this album and i feel rejuvenated rn i love art

[azure-firecracker]

song rec: bite the hand by boygenius

The game is here!

Again, I will be surprised if I don’t like this.

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

Yeah it’s fantastic I love the intensity, the harmonies, the contrast, the lyrics, all of it. I need to get into boygenius more.

May I recommend Wasia Project and Ethel Cain for vaguely similar vibes?

[sophaeros]

omgg @cluedoenthusiast thanks for the tagg :3 <3

fav colour: pink <3 i like almost every colour tho

currently reading: technically im making my way thru roland barthe's the pleasure of the text but it's so difficult to parse i have to keep taking breaks. i've just downloaded georges bataille's erotism tho im really excited to get started on it. also im trying practice my japanese by reading "the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all" by arai sumiko it's super cute

last song: SUPER IN LOVE WITH PTOLEMAEA BY ETHEL CAIN!!!! wait i just checked my music app the last song i had open was actually family tree bc i was letting the album play IT'S PTOLEMAEA IN MY HEART THO

last series: i dont watch tv shows a lot bc i can never make myself sit down and watch them 😭 i think miu404 from a few months ago comes to mind? great show btw you should watch it fantastic found family detective show. omg wait yeah i just checked my netflix my mom and i were watching neir automata ver 1.1a except our region doesnt have english subtitles so we're mostly going off of what i remember of the plot from the game 😭 sometimes they'll say something and i'll be like OH they said x and my mom will be like oh did you understand what they said and i'll have to admit no i just remember this cutscene exactly

last movie: my mom and i finally watched the 2005 pride and prejudice film it was great we kept pausing to heckle the characters

currently working on: well....i shan't say.......suffice to say i made a whole other pseud on ao3 for it

tagging (no obligation to do it): @yellowocaballero @inconsistentsky @actualbird @chemicalarospec @folaireamh

[mangalover4321]

While finishing up Requiem of a Redemption, I wanted to share some of the music I listen to while writing and what songs I think definitely reflects back on Shinjurou and the entire story. So here is the first part of my list of songs!

First up!

Za Za by Biv

This one has had the biggest impact on my writing and story. It is the song that I have connected with Shinjurou. Especially these lyrics right here:

Your voice is all I see too, the love I couldn't feed you I shouldn't try to teach you, all I wanted was to reach you Hold you till the sun up and turn the fuckin world off It's just us, just rip apart my flaws, love You never should of hurt, just because I'm so fucked up This is all that I deserve

It is just absolutely heartbreaking and related to Shinjurou as a person.

The War II by heylog

Fantastic song from heylog! They are one of my favorite musicians and I can not stop but praise their music! Everything is so amazing and it was hard to pick just one song from their entire career but the War II is definitely the most influential one on Requiem of a Redemption. Here are my favorite lyrics:

i'll fight till death if it keeps u safe i'll kill them all just to make sure ur okay they charge at me, hold my ground, be brave i lost my mind and there's nothing that remains

Tutorial on How to Smile by JAXXON D. SILVA featuring Haydn and GRXGVR

Honestly, I really just love the beat in this song, keeping the pace throughout it the same. My favorite part of the songs:

I'm only happy doing something that I'd die for Is there any tutorial on how to smile more, oh yeah

Hospital Beds Part II by Ethel Cain

Again, this song reminds of Shinjurou dealing with the fact that Ruka was actively dying and he could not do anything about it. He's already lost so much and with this, it really is the breaking point. My favorite part of the song:

I’ve been broken before But this time I’ve lost my life Cause every time I held yours You made me wanna keep mine

Ethel Cain just has an absolutely beautiful voice and you can feel the heartbreak in her vocals throughout the song.

Kill Me by XXXTentacion

Just...dear God, these lyrics are something else. Again, this song pulls at Shinjurou's PTSD and depression eventually descent in alcoholism. The most impactful lyrics from the song:

Kill me now, numb the pain, I just want it to stop Run away, run away from my broken heart

Sleepseason by slen featurin Idstayawaytoo

Sleepseason is one of my all-time favorite songs and not just because of the impact it had on Requiem of a Redemption. Just understanding the feeling of wanting to be better, again and again, and struggling to do it (which again relates to Shinjurou). My favorite lyrics from the song:

I'm sorry I apologize- 'pologize If I hurt you with my lies- with my lies I'm trying to be better now- better now I'ma get it right this time- right this time

Star Shopping by Lil Peep

Absolutely beautiful. This song always gets to me and I can not say it enough: this song is so influential. It doesn't matter how it relates to the story by the overall tone and musical composition in the song is something else. My favorite lyrics from the song:

Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason A reason to shine, a reason like mine and I'm fallin' to pieces Look at the sky tonight, all of those stars have a reason

The Devil Told Me I'm Not Alone by Gemini Aaliyah

A heartbreakingly beautiful song from Gemini Aaliyah. Great for helping to write some difficult scenes.

ITIIITIATIIHYLIHYL by Blackshape

This is a very unique song and I found it by accident! This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when writing fighting scenes. My favorite part of the very short lyrics:

If this is all there is I hope you live

Swan Dive by Convolk

Great song by convolk! This song is tied with another Convolk song, Anxiety, which I will include in my next post.

My favorite lyric in the song:

Why can't I seem to let you in Never really loved the man I been Never really kept my word but I'll run away Things caged and kept from you

Part two of my list will be posted song as well!

[eleven-annihilation]

introduction post version 2, electric boogaloo :))))

hello, i'm daneel, an Earth Science undergrad student and occasional artist living on unceded land in Australia.

pronouns: he/him (tme trans guy)

age: 18

i'm not fantastic with tagging but please shoot me a message if there's anything you'd like me to tag for (for example, i tag #eyestrain for content that might affect photosensitive users). any nsft posts will be tagged accordingly, so if you're underage (< 18) please filter #nsft out of what you see on my blog. i don't typically use tone tags but i can clarify meaning if needed.

i'm an atheist, but i love talking about different religions and users of all faiths are welcome here !!

current interests include:

the southern reach trilogy by Jeff Vandermeer

writing screenplays

meteorology

the secret history

conclave

house md

brewing coffee (yeah I'm one of those aussies smh)

capitalist realism (as a literary and societal theory)

favourite artists are:

molchat doma

phoebe bridgers

ethel cain

rufus du sol

searows

lord huron

i'm chronically ill so i can be a bit sporadic responding/being online in general. finally, i don't really have a DNI so just don't be an asshat or a bigot thanks x :)

[dogmoteeth]

The Origins of Blackthorn Creek

Friends, romans, countrymen, users of tumblr.com: Greetings, I'm assuming either this has come up on your feed or you've seen another one of my posts and you're now curious as to what 'Blackthorn Creek' is. Either that or you don't care at all and are about to scroll past, if that's you: good for you, you know what you want and who am I to stop you?

So, who am I? What's my business here? I hear you asking, and I shall answer.

I am a (wo)man of mystery, a femininomenon, if you will. I go by many names: gay idiot, loser, dogmoteeth (for all my homies who fw dog motifs, I see you, I hear you), but for now you can call me The Creator, because 1. that's what I am, and 2. it's ominous and mysterious asf, but dogmoteeth is good too.

As for my purpose here? Well, I have ventured back to my forgotten home nation of tumblr for the first time since around 2018-19 for a reason you may have already guessed by my name. Yeah, I'm writing a book - It doesn't sound as exciting when you phrase it like that but I need to let all the girls know I'm chill like that.

My book, which for now remains 'The Untitled Blackthorn Creek Project' until I think of a bad-ass name for it, is going to be a culmination of all things whimsical and fantastical. If you love small town mysteries, magical creatures, portals, the indomitable power of friendship, religious trauma and gay people then, boy, do I have a treat for you.

My inspiration for this book was based on a lot of media I consumed growing up and has been brewing in my head since I was about 5 and discovered the magical power of escapism. Now, I've decided to finally let the world go full Gordon Ramsey on my brain soup.

Here's a brief plot summary to get your noggins hooked:

Blackthorn Creek is a small town in the American northwest, specifically Oregan. It's dominated by an evangelical church which almost all of the town subscribe to. However, a group of 8 friends (gay and straight - we don't judge ✊) begin to doubt the methodology being taught, and, together in the secret under-underground basement of the church, form a safe space for them to freely live and love without judgement.

However, when high school begins, the 8 start slowly drifting apart. But, one of them, Marion MacSweeney, is desperate to reunite the group and she does... when she disappears one night without a trace.

Set from the years 2014-2024, the book will be told through multiple perspectives: one from every member of the group and also that of blacklisted journalist/author, Kate DiCesare, who is desperate to get the inside scoop on what really went on all those years ago.

I will be posting all things 'Blackthorn Creek' such as maps, character profiles, playlist and pinterest boards here on my tumblr @dogmoteeth, and the actual book, probably released in chapters, on here and eventually on Archive of Our Own (Ao3) .

Here's an inspo list, if you like any of these things consider following along for this journey:

Gravity Falls, Ethel Cain, specifically the first season of Riverdale, IT, Stranger Things, Over The Garden Wall, The Catholic Church (even though the one in the book is evangelical lol), the Trench universe, the LGBTQ community (big up my fam🏳️‍🌈), I am not okay with this and Everything Sucks.

If you've read this whole thing (you already mean so much to me and I love you) and want to follow along this journey with me I would so so so appreciate it if you would follow my account :) <3 , or don't idc (almost lost my cool in front of the ladies for a sec) but I will follow you back and I hope you enjoy my silly brainchild because I care about it so much and I'm so excited to finally tell this story.

-The Creator, (dogmoteeth) out. ✌️

[vagueconfusion]

Aw, thanks @ruinme-please! This one is really neat!

Evanescence covering August Underground (Ethel Cain) Uh, theoretically they could? It's a instrumental with vocals but no words. Amy Lee would sound amazing, but there's better Ethel Cain songs they could cover from a vocal perspective.

Kesha covering Drink You Pretty (Placebo) Yes. Yes. She could. It would be very good.

Elias covering Crawl (Bad Omens) Yeah, probably. This isn't one with harshes, though I think he'd definitely bring a different feel to the song.

Billie Eilish covering On Fire (Garbage) Yeah, I think she could pull that one off actually.

Holding Absence covering MAD (Caravan Palace) I would give it a listen if they tried, but I don't know how well these two would mix honestly. Am willing to be potentially blown away though.

Sleep Token covering Cosmic Love (Florence + The Machine) This might kill me, but they would definitely do this fantastically. I would cry though.

My Chemical Romance covering The Bullpen (Dessa) Not sure about this one, lmao. Am going to go with no, I would give it a listen though.

Chappell Roan covering you should see me in a crown (Billie Eilish) Would be super interested in her spin on this actually, whether she would stick with her current vocal style or dip a bit into how she sang on her EP. Am unsure if I'd like it more than the original though.

Creeper covering Prayers (In This Moment) Um. Honestly no clue. 50/50 split, it could be really good or it could. Not be.

Janelle Monáe covering So Much (For) Stardust (Fall Out Boy) I think she could. No reasoning why, I just think she could.

Hmm, am going to tag @stellasplendens @inv3ga @tonguetyd @andromedacarriesaxes @frmtheroombelow @tyrannosaurme @flamingflyingv no pressure though!

Tagged by @sopheadraws 👑👑👑

(I love music games so much!!!)

I would like to inform you all that my playlist is 66 hours long and I have a diverse palette so I am not responsible if The Cast Of My Little Pony Equestrian Girls 2 covers a Frank Ocean song or something

1. Johnnie Taylor’s cover of Vienna (by Billy Joel)

Okey this is insane this would be so good it would be different but still preserve the original feeling (I need this actually)

2.Hadestown Broadway Original Cast’s cover of Rehab (by Amy Winehouse)

ANOTHER MASTERPIECE like the fates would kill those ‘no, no, no’ s. Like this would be a fates heavy song with others chiming in and I would be obsessed thank you very much 🙏🙏

3. Rachel Zegler’s cover of Alejandro (by Lady Gaga)

I have never heard her sing a song badly but this song won’t go well with her voice. I think an acoustic version with harmonies would be good tho. (The more I imagine a soft acoustic version more I want it)

4. Billie Eilish’s cover of Hound Dog (by Big Mama Thornton)

no

5.Robert Cray, The Robert Cray Band’s cover of No More Rain (In This Cloud) (by Angie Stone)

I think it would be good but I feel like he would make small changes to the instrumentals don’t know what else to say about it

6. Lana Del Rey’s cover of Dance With You Tonight (by Laufey)

I think it would be different definitely darker/moodier but I love the original too much so I kinda think she wouldn’t do it justice especially if it was live cause I feel like the way she sings and the playfulness in her voice is very integral to the songs whole identity

7. Beyoncé’s cover of Forgiveness (by Rina Sawayama)

weirdly a huge YES from me I think she would lower the sound of the instrumentals and focus on her vocals which she would destroy (of course)“Sometimes I blame you sometimes I don’t” especially could be very lemonade

8. Hozier’s cover of Diamonds and Rust (by Joan Baez)

amazing. no notes. perfection. hozier covers are my mental health treatment

9. (again!!) Hozier’s cover of WAP (by Cardi B, Megan Thee Stalion)

I am conflicted…. slay?

10. (again!!?!!) Hozier’s cover of Nothing You Can Take Away From Me (Boot-Stomping version) (by Rachel Zegler, The Covey Band)

I interpret this as Hozier’s formal apology after the WAP incident (Handsome Squidwardian event for sure) He would do justice to this song, (very him) I would go insane if this was real

+11. (doing another one because hozier took 3 spots jdkdkdkdjsj😤✊) The Cast Of Hamilton’s cover of Dumb & Poetic (by Sabrina Carpenter)

I regret my choice to do another one and I don’t listen to Hamilton often so only thing I can think of is Lin Mal Miranda impressions on tik tok that are then used to make unserious gay ship edits so obviously.. 10/10 this is what the industry is lacking thank you for coming to my conference 🙏🙏📈📈👆👆😘😘

@simplysummers @angelhummel @freddieslater @bansheeheart @inlovewith-icecream

Also @ anyone who sees this and wants to ✨

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Okay, this is a continuation of an anonymous request for prompt #31 for my special February 28 Short Dates event for my Daily SamBucky Fluff Diary series. I hope the anon and you all enjoy the final part of this prompt! 🥰

Date 22 of 28: Recreate Their Best Previous Dates Part 5 of 5 - Speakeasy

| - 21 - | - Prompt - | - 23 - |

Red velvet curtains separating each booth and its tables with fan motifs etched into the wood. Servers dressed in flapper attire; in golds and silvers and crimsons. Rich pine green with gold accents sunburst Art Deco wallpaper. Low mood lighting. Each page of the menu devoted to one drink with an illustration of the drink.

Sam smiled at The Vanishing Adonis, looking over its menu.

Honey, That's a Cocktail.............................................🍹

🍹.......................................................................Porto Flip

Woo Woo........................................................................🍹

🍹..............................................Conflict & Compromise

Ruby Relaxer..................................................................🍹

🍹.................................................................Horse's Neck

Charlie Chaplin..............................................................🍹

🍹..................................................................Beauty Elixir

The Spice is Right.........................................................🍹

🍹...................................................................Mind Eraser

Sam flipped through the pages, trying to figure out what he wanted next, what else he wanted this time, what piqued his interest. They were already three drinks in, but still.

"I can't believe you got us seats in here," said Sam, grinning, taking a sip of his Paper Plane, glancing over at the Devil's Tail Bucky was drinking, "This place is so hard to get into."

"Well, you know," said Bucky, tucking his hair behind his ear, "I called in. Said I was bringing you. The owners remembered us from last time - saved us the best booth."

Sam couldn't help but smile at that. The place looked like the photos his grandparents took when they visited the Vanishing Adonis, back in their liquor smuggling days during Prohibition.

The wallpaper. The curtains. Hell, even the furniture. All brought up to date to some extent, but still so very frozen in time. The owners, the grandchildren of the original owners of the bar, had wanted to revive the speakeasy for a while, but had only gotten the funds for it maybe two years ago.

Sam didn't even know how he got that first reservation. While the place was quiet, barely filled with twenty guests, this was the limit, which meant getting reservations to this place? Was near impossible.

But Sam had, and when they'd gone to the speakeasy, the owners knew who Sam was right away and sat down with him and Bucky, Sam and the owners swapping stories about their grandparents all night. And while Sam was welcome any time and could drink for free, Sam just hadn't had the time to come back and it was, again, near impossible to get a reservation.

But Bucky somehow got them one.

"Remember," whispered Bucky, moving closer to Sam in the booth, arm draped lazily over Sam's shoulder, "When we first came here. And after the owners went back to their work and we were both on our fourth drink, they began playing that song?"

Bucky began humming something Sam vaguely remembered, some Ethel Waters song, Bucky slumping as his third drink really started hitting him, singing into Sam's shoulder, "I can't give you anything but love, baby; That's the only thing I've plenty of, baby," the rest becoming a garbled mess of nonsensical words.

Sam smiled nonetheless, kissing Bucky's forehead.

"I remember," said Sam, remembering Bucky whispering every word perfectly into his ear, serenading Sam in a way only he could hear in the dimly lit speakeasy.

Yeah.

This was a fantastic date to reenact.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Want to choose a date for Sam and Bucky to go on during this special February Daily SamBucky Fluff Diary event? Check out the prompts here and send me an ask! I’ll write you a drabble as one of my Daily SamBucky Fluff Diaries!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hey, here’s some shitty news. New Archie webtoon dropped and it looks like they’re still intent on killing a-spec jughead. Sorry for that news.

Yeah, it's really not going in a direction I trust. I guess we'll see what they do, but I was already thinking I was going to just leave it and let it finish, and look up spoilers before reading anymore. Because yeah I don't need a story about Jughead dating someone.

Honestly after reading through it I'm also really offended by how they drew Ethel. Like you can develop her as an interesting, well rounded character and let her keep her distinguishing features...you don't have to turn her into a completely different looking person and force her to match modern beauty standards. Now every woman has to have that same identical body and face type to be interesting and sympathetic.

This is the webtoon if anyone's interested in looking at it and judging for themselves.

If you want quality a-spec Jughead though, other than the fantastic Jughead 2015 run, the Archie Comics digests you buy from the store are always the classic sex/romance repulsed Jughead we're used to. (And they let Ethel look like Ethel.)

All the best, Anon!

[themetaphorgirl]

Please deep dive into your thoughts on Alex, I don’t see enough talking about her

ALL RIGHT Y’ALL WE ARE GETTING INTO IT

So before Spencer Reid got fast-tracked to the BAU at the age of twenty-two, Alex held the record. She joined the bureau with a double major and a PhD (hello, Dr. Blake) at the age of twenty-four. So she’s brilliant. Definitely the second smartest person who’s ever joined the team outside of Spencer. And she clearly did really well for herself, she was twenty-four-years-old and she worked on the Unabomber case, and apparently quite a few other high-profile cases.

And then Erin Strauss completely fucked her over. 

Someone arrested the wrong suspect in the Amerithrax case, and Alex was blamed for it, and Erin Strauss let her take the fall for it. So Alex went from being a prodigy in the bureau to resigning in disgrace and going back to civilian life.

And then we have her personal life. Her mother died at some point, and so did her brother Danny, who was killed in the line of duty. And she couldn’t handle going back home to see her father and her younger brother Scotty, so she just couldn’t bring herself back to visit.

And she got married at some point, and James Blake is clearly a great guy, and they had a baby.

Alex spent nine years as the mom to a critically ill child. That is so much. And it was a neurological disorder with no name. She says “he kept growing despite his disease,” so most likely he was diagnosed shortly after birth. 

She also says “the last time I lay beside him he was almost as long as me.” Alex’s entire field is linguistics, that’s not an error. Not tall, but long. Most likely Ethan never walked. Maybe he never even spoke. And she says “he was ready to say goodbye.” 

That is a lot of trauma to unpack.

And when he died, she was probably adrift. She didn’t have a child that needed her anymore. And that’s probably when James started traveling with Doctors Without Borders, and that’s probably when she went back to working at Georgetown as a professor.

And that’s when she met Spencer. 

They don’t say exactly how that situation worked out, but he guest-lectured in her class, apparently on numerous occasions. And she’s still quietly grieving for her son, and this twenty-something kid in a sweater vest comes bounding into her lecture hall, and he’s brilliant and he read her thesis on metaphors and he’s so excited to speak to her class. 

So they struck up a friendship before she even started at the BAU. And maybe Spencer speaking to her class was what made her reconsider coming back to the FBI. And she has something to prove, and nothing to lose, so she comes back. 

And she gets to stare Erin Strauss down, and Erin is clearly embarrassed and apologizes, but this isn’t something fixed with an under-the-breath apology in the middle of the bullpen, Erin Strauss ruined her career to save her own ass.

And while she gets off to a bit of a rocky start with Penelope “I Don’t Like Change” Garcia, she clicks really well with everybody else, and finds her spot on the team. And she’s tough as nails (”I’m practically bulletproof” “Yeah, I heard that about you”) and she mumbles rap lyrics when she’s stressed and she speaks a million languages. She gets pretty close to JJ and Rossi especially.

She doesn’t put a picture of Ethan on her desk. At Garcia’s Day of the Dead party, she brings a picture of her mom instead.

And Spencer bonds with her in a way that he never bonded with anybody else on the team. They do timed crossword puzzles together. He fusses over her when she gets shot. She understands his references and he can talk without explaining himself. (One thing I’ve noticed in seasons 8 and 9 is that he places himself next to her a lot, whether in they’re in a car or a conference room, he tends to gravitate towards her.)

She sees Ethan in him, what her boy could have been, and she sees a second chance to save her son. And she also sees herself, this brilliant kid, and she wants to protect him the way no one protected her when she got thrown under the bus. 

When he needs someone to drive him to the phone booth, he picks her (even calls her by her first name) and she’s concerned about him she doubles back, tires squealing and tells him she’s worried (and he goes wide eyed, his voice pitching up like a kid caught by his mom in a lie) and she can tell when she needs to take a step back, and not only does she give him space, but she doesn’t give away his secret. 

(also, can we talk about her little pep talk when he’s doubting himself? 

“What if she doesn't like me?“

“Why wouldn't she like you?“

“Because I'm weird! I slouch, my hair's too long, my tie's perpetually crooked-”

“Your hair's fine.”

“Really? Thanks! My mom thinks it's too long, so does my Aunt Ethel.”

“Well, you're not dating them.”

Such a sweet moment.)

When Maeve is missing and he’s so beside himself he can’t think straight, he asks Alex, out of everybody on the team, to help him sort through his thoughts. And when Maeve dies she blames herself. 

And in Texas he pushes her out of the way, he takes the shot that could have killed her, and she panics. She’s usually cool and calm and collected, and she loses it completely, and she calls him by her son’s name because not only does she see Spencer as her son, but she failed again, and Ethan is dying in her arms for the second time. 

She’s the first one there at the hospital. She’s usually so calm, and JJ is the one who is talking sense into her. And while we see Garcia with him in the hospital, particularly for the really big scare, she was the one with him when he woke up, and she was the one who took him home.

Spencer was the only one she ever told about Ethan. And I think he understood that her heart just wasn’t in it anymore. She’d proved all she had to prove. She was ready to go home to James. And I think she found her own closure. She couldn’t save Ethan, but she saved Spencer.

We don’t hear anything else about Blake after the season 10 opener. She transferred to Boston, and she’s teaching. And I’m mad as hell that we didn’t see her during Spencer’s prison arc, because she sure as hell would have been there with the team, fighting to get him out. But then again, we didn’t see or hear much of Morgan in that arc either.

But yeah. Alex Blake is a fantastic and complicated character and she is a QUEEN and she was a major asset to the team’s work, and she loved Spencer as much as he loved her.

in conclusion, we stan Alexandra Miller Blake in this house

[itsactuallyunlocked]

ND culprit (written) tier list

@an-american-teen-against-crime made a ranking of all the culprits based on presentation and level of iconicness, and I had some of my own thoughts, so I decided to make a written tier list. Lotta spoilers below the cut!

Mitch/"det Beech": Mitch gets an F for not even being in the game. Detective Beech/Uncle Steve does win more points from me for being genuinely threatening at the end of the game (and honestly I didn't expect a new culprit in the remaster so he got me by surprise). B for him. Together they get C tier.

Dwayne: absolutely iconic. Absurd. Psycho. Comes back for another round later in the series. S tier.

Louis: I don't like him. The plan is weird and maybe a bit too realistic for my liking. Generally forgettable, D tier.

Lisa: also a little forgettable, but she gets props for explaining her motives and actions for the whole game. Kicks Nancy's ass and leaves her to die. B tier.

Joseph: scary in the quiet way. It's very unsettling that he's helping you but he's also holding a teen hostage in a condemned building. B tier.

Taylor: kind of pathetic, right? He makes himself sick by eating rank cookies. Locking Nancy in the monolith was very scary but nothing saves your rep when you have to run to the toilet mid-conversation. F tier.

Emily: she's quite threatening! Her plan is calculated, she makes several attempts to kill Nancy, and her final plan is to savagely beat Nance to death. Not quite iconic enough for S but a solid A tier.

Elliot: a real asshole, this one. I've had co-workers like him. The villainy is pretty good though. B tier.

Andy: I always got creepy... incel vibes?? from him. I don't like him. This is my list and he's going in C tier for being generally gross but not cunning.

Shorty: I am HAUNTED by "...here's Shorty." He seems nice, but in the way where he'd stab you in the back. And that's exactly how he is, so it's good characterization. A tier.

Jane: a literal child. She's lashing out because she's hurt and Ethel is an awful influence on her. Great twist because she's 10, bad villain because she's 10. C tier.

Marion: not bad. It's a good reveal, and a decent plot. B tier.

Lori: I love this game but damn Lori is a bad culprit. She doesn't even decide to be a villain until the very end. F tier.

Minette: I like her crazy bitch energy. It's fun that for most of the game she's discount Miranda Priestly, then at the end you find out she's actually a villain. B tier.

Mike/Pua: hard to say. The plot of the game gets a lil incomprehensible, but I'd say they're decent. C tier.

Yanni: he got that thicc ass. Okay besides that, he came up with that story about his grandmother being eaten by wolves??? Fantastic. A tier.

Renee: kind seeming with a dash of threatening. Love her wild convictions. S tier.

Helena: solid villain. Girl is in. charge. Also she knows to get out while the getting's good. B tier.

Okay, if Fiona was actually a villain who was scheming and trying to hurt ppl, she would be S tier. She's not though. No bad intentions, D tier for villainy.

Okay so. I might've made a case for this one, but it's pretty majorly racist, so it's an automatic F tier.

Corine: she's real mean! Great villain for a high school setting. A tier.

Scott: I literally don't remember him. F tier.

Rentaro: I liked him :( but he's a terrible boyfriend. The plotting and execution are really good though, it's just the motivations that don't make sense. B tier for the horrifying yurei robot.

Anja: oh yeah she's golden baby. S tier. Until we meet again girlfriend!!

Brenda: she's a big bitch. Her and Toni are megabitches. Plot is okay, not great. C tier.

Abdullah: huge energy, but what did he really do? That's kinda Abdullah in a nutshell though. C tier.

Victor: they just wanted a twist villain. He's decently menacing for the five minutes he's around. Killed a guy. Still D tier.

Clara: the backstory is phenomenal. I like her constantly standing around brooding. S tier.

Ewan: kind of boring but he did presumably have a lot going on in the background. An actual terrorist. Still C tier.

Kiri: I don't get what her deal was. F tier.

Xenia/Thanos: yeah they're S tier.

Soren: I honestly don't remember him that well. He was threatening at the end there. C tier.

I remember NONE of the characters from this game, I don't remember the culprit, and I don't think they really mattered. FFF tier.

[sapphiresonstrings]

...And She Loves Me

I charge anyone writing anything set in any time period other than this one to watch a few episodes of I Love Lucy, which ran from 1951 to 1957.

I Love Lucy is an old sitcom from the days of broadcast television. I’ll pick out just one episode, entitled The Quiz Show, in which we get a little bit of interesting worldbuilding. (Worldbuilding, in a sitcom set in the modern day? Well, the audience of the time wouldn’t have noticed, but for us it’s new information. Bear with me.)

I Love Lucy stars real-life married couple Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz as as Lucy Ricardo her husband Ricky Ricardo. It has the distinction of being the first show ever to do re-runs. It also has the distinction of coming across as really fucking weird to modern audiences not accustomed to 1950′s gender politics.

Season 1, episode 5, “The Quiz Show” begins with Lucy is in her kitchen, working in a book labelled “Household Accounts.” She has a pen behind each ear, another in her mouth, and a fourth in her hand.

Lucy’s friend and landlord Ethel enters.

ETHEL: Good morning Lucy.

(Lucy doesn’t notice Ethel at first.)

ETHEL: Fortunately I’m not the sensitive type.

LUCY: Oh, I’m sorry Ethel. I’m so terribly busy. You know what day this is, don’t you?

ETHEL: What day is it?

LUCY: This is the day RIcky goes over my household accounts.

ETHEL: Well, so long.

LUCY: Oh, now, Ethel, don’t go, I need your moral support. I don’t think I’ll ever get it figured out.

Lucy picks up a sheaf of loose papers from the table. Standing in the middle of the room, she closes her eyes and throws the papers, scattering them. She opens her eyes and begins to pick them up one by one.

ETHEL: I know I’m a fool to ask this, but what are you doing?

LUCY: This is my system for paying bills. See, I throw them all up in the air and those that land face-up are the winners.

The studio audience laughs.

(Lucy being stupid is frequently the punchline of a joke. On one level this reflects the gender politics of the time. On another level this reflects the kind of comedy that actress Lucille Ball was going for, drawing on her experience in slapstick.)

ETHEL: By the winners, you mean the ones you pay?

LUCY: Uh-huh.

ETHEL: Well, what happens if they all land face-up?

LUCY: Well then I just switch, I only pay the ones that land face-down.

ETHEL: That figures.

LUCY: Oh, what’s the use, I can’t afford to pay any bills this month.

(From offstage) RICKY: Honey?

LUCY: Yes, dear?

RICKY: Are your books ready for me to see?

ETHEL: Let me know how you come out. 

LUCY: Alright

Ethel leaves. Ricky enters.

RICKY: Okay, let’s see what shape your accounts are in this month. I’m afraid.

LUCY: Well, honey, if you’re too busy this morning-

RICKY: Oh ho ho, no, no, no, no. 

The studio audience laughs. Ricky takes the “Household Accounts” book from Lucy.

RICKY: I wouldn’t miss this for all the money in the world. And that’s probably what it’ll cost me.

Ricky examines the book.

RICKY: Hmm...hmm...

LUCY: Is it interesting?

RICKY: Very. 50 cents for the news boy, 39 cents for toothpaste, 15 cents for nail polish, 245 dollars for miscellaneous...

The studio audience laughs.

RICKY: Miscellaneous?

LUCY: Yeah, miscellaneous.

RICKY: Would you mind telling me what comes under miscellaneous?

LUCY: Oh, you know, rent, telephone, electric, groceries, gas, stuff like that.

The studio audience laughs.

RICKY: Oh, that kind of miscellaneous.

LUCY: Yeah.

RICKY: Uh huh. Well, I’m glad to see you paid this month’s bills.

LUCY: Well, they’re not exactly this month’s bills.

RICKY: Oh? They’re last month’s?

LUCY: No, they’re not last month’s, either.

RICKY: You don’t mean they’re the month before last’s?

LUCY: No, but you’re getting warmer!

The studio audience laughs.

RICKY: What month’s bills are you paying now?

Lucy sings Jingle Bells. Presumably this means she’s paying the bills from December, 1950. Lucy tries to take the book back.

RICKY: Wait, wait, wait. Morbid curiosity makes me want to see more. The lights have not been paid. The water hasn’t been paid. The phone hasn’t been paid. Why they haven’t been turned off I don’t know.

LUCY: Well, I’ve been going around stalling our creditors.

RICKY: Eh?

LUCY: I jollied them out of it.

RICKY: You did?

LUCY: Yeah. Except that this month I think they’re gonna want more money and less jolly.

The studio audience laughs.

RICKY: Lucy, this is absolutely fantastic. It’s just unbelievable! I would like a logical explanation of it.

LUCY (imitating Ricky’s Cuban accent): Well, I’d like a l-oh-geekal ‘splanation of it, too.

RICKY: I make good money. I bring it home and it - it - it - it disappears! Now what have you been doing with it?

LUCY: I sank it all in a phony gold mine?

RICKY (pretending to laugh): He, he, he, that’s very funny.

LUCY: I thought you’d like it.

RICKY: Yes...Well, I’ve got something very funny to tell you, too.

LUCY: Oh, yeah?

RICKY: Yes, I have. You know, you’ve used up your allowance until next February. And you’re not going to get any more money until then.

LUCY: But Ricky!

RICKY: And not only that but you can’t have any more charge accounts. I will handle all the money, and pay all the bills. Now, isn’t that funny?

(The scene continues, but the part we’re interested in is over.)

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here, starting with the fact that Ricky has his wife on an allowance. For those of us who grew up in homes with shared finances, this seems so patriarchal it’s downright barbaric. But actually, this was common for a very, very long time. We even have old (as in medieval) marriage contracts that stipulate the allowance in writing.

Now consider the assumptions at play here. Lucy is downright childlike. There is no equality in this relationship; Ricky makes all the decisions, and more than that the universe justifies Ricky making all the decisions. By the logic of the I Love Lucy universe, Ricky is right to take the household finances away from Lucy, because she’s terrible at it. Just like we have the cliche dynamic of stupid husband + wise wife as typified by The Simpsons and Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy uses a dynamic of stupid wife + wise husband.

If this sounds alien to you, consider that this is from our era. If you’re writing something set before 1951, think about how much more alien the world was before then. Does your medieval fantasy feel even one-tenth as medieval as this TV show from 1951?

[notyourbae365]

The One Where They Both Say Yes

                                               ~A Bughead Fanfic~

Description: A sweet, fluffy Bughead fic inspired by the double Malec proposal! It’s always great when two things that I love can come together :)! Contains fluff, hijinks,  general cuteness, and the only warning is that your mouth might hurt from smiling (I know mine did while I wrote this)! I hope everyone enjoys! (Oh, and of course the title was inspired by the most amazing show, Friends.) 

                                                               ~

Betty Cooper and Jughead Jones were the perfect couple. It seemed that no matter who broke up, hooked up, or got knocked up in their crazy town, they remained steady. They had been through so much together in the 5 years that they had been dating, so it only seemed natural that it was time for them to take the next step in their relationship.

At least, Jughead hoped that was how they both felt. The dark-haired boy was currently pacing the floor in the dorm room that he shared with Archie, nervous beyond belief. He was planning on proposing to Betty tonight, and his normally collected composure was cracking rapidly. What if she thought it was too soon? What if she didn't want to get married right after they graduated from college? Maybe she would want to explore more, even see other guys? At that thought, Jughead knew he had to stop overanalyzing what her response might be, otherwise he was going to lose his damn mind. 

Luckily for Jughead’s nerves, Archie opened the door just then, back from his exams. 

“Man, have you got perfect timing. I need to ask you something.”

“Go ahead, bro, shoot.” Archie responded, sitting on Jug’s twin bed. 

“Okay, so I’m going to propose to Betty tonight,” Archie looked shocked, but he quickly regained his composure, “and I wanted to know what you think she’s going to say.” Jughead asked, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. 

“Jug, that’s great! I always knew you guys were going to get married someday, I just didn’t know it was going to be so soon! However, I think she’s going to be over the moon. You shouldn’t doubt her, buddy. I think everything is going to perfect.” Archie said, patting his friend on the shoulder.

“Really? That makes me feel so much better, thanks man. She’s been dropping hints left and right, so I think she’s gonna say yes. Hey, do you want to see the ring?” Archie grinned and nodded, so Jughead took it out of his pocket.

While the two boys were admiring the ring, they had no idea that a similar conversation was taking place in the girls’ dorm room. 

                                                             ~

Betty Cooper had been in love with Jughead Jones forever, it seemed. She knew his fears and his flaws, and loved them because they were a part of him. However, if there was one major thing her boyfriend was bad at, it was taking a hint. She had taken to reading bridal magazines when she knew he was around, talking to him about beautiful rings that she had seen in the jeweler’s window, and how she had caught the bouquet at Cheryl and Toni’s wedding. He never seemed to get it however, and she was beyond frustrated with waiting for him.

Today, that frustration was increased exponentially by a wedding invitation arriving in the mail. It would seem that Ethel Muggs was getting married. Betty hadn’t spoken to her since high school, but she was happy for her. At least somebody’s boyfriend could take a hint. 

Veronica got home just then, fresh from taking her final exam. Betty got up to greet her with a hug.

“V! How was the test?” Betty asked, beaming with pride for her best friend. Veronica feigned sadness.

“Oh, well it was.....amazing! I absolutely crushed it!” Veronica’s fake sadness had given way to a huge smile, and her and Betty jumped in excitement. 

“That’s fantastic, V! I’m so happy for you. We have to celebrate tonight. I think Archie’s finals were today too, so he can tell us how those went.”

“That sounds great. I’ll call the guys right now, and ask them where they want to go.” 

While Veronica was talking to Archie on the phone, Betty got lost in her thoughts again. A night like tonight would be the perfect time for Jughead to propose. If only, she thought. Suddenly, an idea hit her like lightning. Why wait for him to propose, when she could ask him to marry her! It was absolutely perfect, he would never see it coming! 

“Hey, earth to Betty!” Betty was jerked from her thoughts by Veronica waving her hand in front of her face. “What were you thinking about? You’re smiling like a maniac! Frankly, you’re scaring me a little.”

“I’m going to propose to Jughead tonight.” Veronica reeled back on her heels, clearly startled. 

“You’re doing what?! Where did this come from? I mean, I think it’s great, I just had no clue you even wanted to get married right now.” 

“I’ve been wanting him to propose for a while now, but he has no idea. So why not ask him instead?” Betty grinned, clearly excited.

“You’re absolutely right. Take the bull by the horns, B. I’ll help with whatever you need.” Veronica hugged her best friend, excited at the prospect of Betty’s impending engagement. 

“Thank you, V. That means a lot. Okay!”, Betty clapped her hands together excitedly, “there’s so much to do! We have to write my speech, get a ring, figure out when to pop the question.....” Betty continued naming things, blissfully unaware that her “clueless” boyfriend was doing the exact same thing. 

                                                              ~

“Okay, Arch. I think I’ve finally got the plan all figured out. We’re all going to be at the restaurant tonight, so I’m going to do it then. I’m going to tape the ring to the inside of the cover of this vintage Nancy Drew book that I got from an antique store. I’ll pretend that’s a gift I want to give her, she’ll unwrap it, open it up, find the ring and bam, one knee and speech.” Jughead finished, looking at Archie for his response.

“That’s an amazing proposal, Jug. She’s going to go batshit crazy over it.”

“I hope so. I worked really hard on this. This is going to be a night we’ll never forget.”

“Absolutely, man.” Archie checked his watch. “We better get going or we’re going to be late for our reservation. I don’t know why Betty and Veronica insisted on going to this fancy-ass restaurant. Any place that requires a suit jacket is too stuffy for me.” 

“Hey, don’t complain. This “fancy-ass restaurant” they chose is much better suited for my proposal than Poppa’s Pizzeria anyway.”

“Yeah, I know, but I guarantee the food isn’t any better. Poppa’s pizza beats crab legs and caviar any day.” Archie said, with a disgusted look. Jughead laughed, and put his arm around his best friend.

“Come on, man. We gotta go.”

                                                               ~

Betty and Veronica got to the restaurant first so that they could make sure everything was set up, Betty a bundle of nerves. 

“Let’s run through everything one more time. We eat our meal, and then I tell the waiter to bring dessert. He’ll know that means it’s time to bring to bring out a strawberry milkshake, which will have a tag that says “pull me” on the outside attached to string that is tied to the baggie that has the ring in it. Then he pulls the string, finds it, is shocked, cue me on one knee and speech.” Betty said, reciting her plan from memory. 

“It’s perfect, Betty. He’ll be so surprised! You couldn’t screw this up if you tried. Everything will be just right, I promise.” Veronica smiled assuredly at her best friend, not knowing the plan her boyfriend and Jughead had already come up with. 

It was certainly going to be a night of surprise for everyone. 

                                                          ~

Archie and Jughead arrived shortly after the girls’ conversation, and the couples greeted one another with “hello’s” and kisses. All four of them couldn’t seem to stop smiling, but both Betty and Jughead were too anxious to notice that the other seemed as nervous as they were. 

The group sat down at the table, and casual conversation was made in an attempt at normalcy by both sides.

“So Arch, how were your exams?” Betty asked, holding Jughead’s hand on the table.

“They went pretty well, I think.” Archie looked over at Veronica sitting next to him. “Hey babe, your exams were today. How did you do?”

“Great! I feel very confident.” Archie kissed her on the cheek.

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!”

“I’m glad me and Bets took ours already”, Jughead said. “I wouldn’t want to have to worry about that tonight too.” He laughed, and then his eyes widened when he realized what he had said. Archie’s did too, and he quickly swooped in to save Jughead’s secret.

“Yeah, I’m nervous about graduation too. Me and Jug were talking about it on the way over here, about how awful it would be if you like tripped on your gown or something.” The group laughed, and Jughead’s comment flew under the radar of both girls. 

The men breathed a sigh of relief, and the conversation continued on. They talked about after-graduation plans, funny stories from college, and Ethel’s upcoming wedding, which the boys had also received an invitation too. Archie and Veronica did most of the talking, with Betty and Jughead insanely nervous about their proposals. Neither Archie or Veronica realized that they were both covering their best friend’s ass for the same reason.

Their meal came and was eaten, and then it was time for Betty to order the dessert. She did so with ease, not messing up at all. It seemed that everything was going perfect, and Jughead didn’t suspect a thing. That is, until....

“Bets, I have something for you. It’s a graduation present.” He handed her the wrapped book with the ring inside, barely able to contain himself. 

“Oh my gosh, thank you Jug! I actually have something for you too, but I wanted to give it to you during dessert. Can we open our things together then?” Betty asked, hoping she wasn’t being too obvious. Jughead was a bit taken aback, disappointed he would have to wait for a bit to propose, but he agreed. Veronica shot Betty a covert thumbs up for her smooth move.

Soon, Jughead’s milkshake arrived along with ice cream sundaes for the rest of the group. He started to protest and say that he hadn’t ordered a milkshake, but Betty shushed him. 

“It’s alright Jug, I ordered it. I thought it would be nice to have something sentimental tonight. Plus, your gift is inside!” Betty said, smiling excitedly. 

“Aah, clever. But you’re opening yours first, I’m too excited to see you open it.” He said, anticipating her reaction to the ring.

“Okay, fine. But only because I love you.” She pecked him on the cheek, and then pulled the string on the package. The wrapping opened, and she saw what was inside.

“Oh my gosh, is this a vintage Nancy Drew book?” Betty squealed, amazed at how thoughtful her boyfriend was. “This is amazing, Jug! Thank you!” She hugged him tightly.

“You’re welcome, but that’s not all. Look inside the cover.” Betty looked puzzled, but did what she was told. When the book fell open, she saw the ring taped to the cover, but her mind struggled to compute what she was seeing.

“Oh. my. God. OhmyGodohmyGod. Is- Is this? Are you seriously?” Betty was in shock, sitting still as a stone. Across the table, Archie was grinning, and Veronica was just as shell-shocked as Betty. 

Jughead dropped to one knee, and Betty became coherent enough to interject. 

“Hold on, just one second. I-I can’t believe this! I know this is going to sound really weird, but do you see that tag on your milkshake?” Betty said, her hand shaking as she pointed. Jughead was extremely confused.

“Are you really interrupting my proposal to you to talk about a milkshake?”  He said in disbelief. 

“Pull on it.” Betty said, still reeling. 

“Seriously?” Jug couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Pull the damn string, Jones!” 

“Alright!” Jughead got off of his knee and sat in his chair in front of the milkshake. This proposal was not at all going as planned. He pulled on the string, and a baggie containing- was that a fucking ring? Now it was his and Archie’s turn to be completely dumbfounded. 

“Wait a second, you were-” Jughead was cut off by Betty getting down on her knee. 

“I am so shocked right now, and I know you are too, but honestly I think this is the most perfect proposal that we could have. We’ve always done everything together, why not this too? I love you so much, Jughead Jones, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and create so many more amazing and crazy moments just like this one. What do you say, will you marry me?” Betty was visibly crying by the end of her speech, and Jughead was definitely tearing up too. 

Jughead got on his knees with her, and gathered her hands in his. 

“Only if you’ll marry me, Elizabeth Cooper.” She laughed, and nodded her head enthusiastically, tears still sparkling in her eyes. 

They stood to their feet and got the rings out, placing them on each other’s hands. Archie and Veronica were beaming behind them, and they weren't the only ones. The restaurant had started paying attention, and when Betty and Jughead sealed their engagement with a searing kiss, the patrons erupted into applause. 

Betty and Jughead separated, with Betty blushing as she realized that they had just passionately kissed in front of over 100 people. The couple sat down, and Jughead, noticing his new fiancée's blush, said softly in her ear,

“Get used to it, babe. You’re going to have to do it all over again on our wedding day.” Betty laughed, the blush receding from her cheeks. They looked at each other and both thought at the same time,

I love you so much.

[lilibetts]

The E(X) Files

S1E01: Descent Into Eldervair

“Welcome to Eldervair Court, please enter your code now,” the pleasant, computerized female voice prompted. Betty groaned, because of course she had stopped the white Toyota Highlander too far away to reach the keypad. In her defense, this car was given to her by the Bureau as a part of her cover and she'd only been driving it since this afternoon. The thought of the mountains of paperwork she'd have to fill out if she so much as scratched its paint filled her with dread.

“Please enter your code now,” the recording prompted again. Was it her imagination or did the recording sound exasperated? Betty cracked the driver's side door open a fraction and leaned through the window to punch in the numbers she had memorized the night before.

“Please enter your co-- Welcome home, Mrs. Fletcher.”

“I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that, do you, Snookums?” The sardonic male voice piped up from the passenger seat.  

Betty breathed through her nose, silently counting down from ten before she turned to glare at her pretend husband for the next few weeks. Agent Forsythe Pendleton Jones (“the third, unless you have a daddy or necrophilia kink”), aka Jughead, was partially slouched in the seat.  He no longer sported his ever-present crown beanie, though Betty wouldn't put it past him to have it stashed in a box somewhere. For someone who had his head covered most of the time, his hair looked criminally good.

And Betty had a right to complain- the humidity had made her hair wavy and frizzy. Inherit her mother's 'great hair' genes, she did not.

“Speak for yourself, Buttercup.”

Jughead wasn't Betty's usual partner, but Kevin was taking a well-deserved vacation. (His reaction, when he found out Jughead and Betty would be partners? “Oh dear god, there'll be no self-restraint there. None.”). Jughead didn't have a usual partner; he'd been heading up the X-Files division on his own in his tiny basement office.

She wasn't sure if she'd been partnered with Jughead because she was one of the few agents who didn't make fun of him, either behind his back or right to his face, or because her superiors were tired of her go-getter personality and quick close rate on cases.  Or they had decided 'who better to pretend to be husband and wife than two agents who used to be married to one other?'

Barely sparing a glance at her ex-husband fidgeting in his seat, Betty moved the gearshift back into 'Drive' and steered the vehicle through the now open gates.

Eldervair Court was a massive, walled community in upstate New York— built into a partially cleared section of Fox Forest. As they began to make their way down the winding drive, the multitude of trees gave attractive cover, but nearly blocked out the sky entirely. Given that the weather that day was overcast with gray skies, Betty was immediately unsettled by how isolated she already felt from the world beyond the walls.

The trees faded away just enough to reveal rather enormous but attractive red-brick houses, each on top of a sloping grass hill, with stone steps and pathway leading to the front door. Georgian architecture, Betty thought. Maybe revival, maybe original. Just how old was this community? They hadn't been able to figure out when Eldervair Court was incepted.

The houses were all completely identical; the lawns perfectly manicured with attractive rows of rose bushes. Not a single speck of what might be termed 'character' could be found. They looked, for lack of a better word, perfect.

It gave Betty war flashbacks to her own childhood.

“These aren't houses,” Jughead muttered, right leg jiggling anxiously as he stared out the window. “These are mini-mansions.”

Betty frowned, the surrealism getting to her. “Yeah, I wouldn't say it's all very Stepford Wives, but...”

“More David Lynch's Blue Velvet meets Tim Burton?”

“Something like that.”

As she turned into the driveway, Betty spotted an expertly coiffed redhead in a black sleeveless blouse and red palazzo trousers standing up on the porch with a ruby-red grin on her face. Clearly she was the welcoming committee.

“Showtime,” Betty muttered as she plastered on the smile she'd learned from Alice Smith Cooper.

“It's almost like meeting your mother all over again,” Jughead groused under his breath, eyes trained on the woman on their new porch. Betty didn't even dignify that with a glare.

As they exited the SUV, the moving truck with two other agents backed up into the space next to them. The weather here was still warm for late September, so Betty had dressed semi-casually according to a popular Fall Fashion Pinterest board and Jughead wore a nice pair of new black trousers and a blue sweater that did fantastic things for his eyes.

(She'd given him that sweater several Christmases ago.)

The redhead sauntered up to them on towering red stilettos. “Bonsoir, Fletchers!” She trilled. Now that they were closer, Betty could make out the shape of the woman's broach— it was a spider.

"'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly.

She was met at the top of the driveway by a petite pink-haired woman, this one dressed in all black and floral platform ankle boots. Once she struck the perfect couples pose, the redhead addressed Betty and Jughead: “Welcome to Eldervair Court, we're the Topaz-Blossoms and yes, we're domesticated lesbians.”

“Cheryl,” the pink-haired woman scolded lightly, the soft smile on her face telling Betty she was used to her wife's dramatics.

“Sorry TT, I didn't mean to engage in bisexual erasure. 'Domesticated lesbians' just has a better ring to it. Forgive me, mon amour?” Their noses rubbed together in an Eskimo kiss before Cheryl remembered her new neighbors existed. “As you can see, EC is a progressive, open-minded community, as long as you keep your lawn up to regulations!”

Sensing that Jughead was about to make a sarcastic comment, Betty beat him to the punch. “That's wonderful! I'm Juliet and this is my husband, Holden,” she introduced them, patting a hand on Jughead's chest to warn him to watch his mouth.

And also sell that they were definitely a married couple, not a pair of divorced FBI Agents. Nothing to see here, let's move on.

“I'm Toni,” Pink Hair said with a small wave. “Cheryl and I live two doors down, next to the Andrews'.”

Cheryl clapped her hands. “Now that we've dispensed with the niceties, since you two took your sweet time arriving, we're going to have to hurry if you're going to make the six o'clock cutoff.”

“Cutoff?” Jughead frowned. Glancing down at her phone, Betty saw it was 4:51.

“The six o'clock cutoff? All move-ins must be completed by 6 PM. It's in the R&Rs.” Cheryl intoned, as if that ought to have been obvious.

Toni at least had the grace to look regretful. “Yeah, you're really going to need to brush up on the Rules & Regulations. They're the price we pay to keep this community successful.”

“We'll definitely read it through carefully,” Betty promised. “It's just been so busy lately, what with the move and all...”

Cheryl had already whipped out her phone and her thumbs flew over the screen. “I've conscripted some of your new neighbors into helping with the unload. With my superior delegating skills, we'll have you moved in in no time at all!” With a flip of her hair over one shoulder, she was off, barking out orders at the people crossing the street towards them; Toni made a beeline for the moving van.

Betty and Jughead shared a look before they made their way to the front door. In front of the columns on either side of the porch sat two statues, their grotesque features seeming to leer at her. Gargoyles. They were gargoyles. A shiver made its way down her spine.  Keep it together, Betty, she told herself as she slid the key they'd been sent into the lock.

From the entryway, the view of the home was magnificent, there was no other word for it: high ceilings, paneled walling, and tall windows that let in plenty of light. There was a sweeping staircase and the hardwood floors looked to be dark maple and wide planked.  Jughead curled a proprietary arm around her back, resting his hand on her hip.

“Now, Lambchop, what do you think? Is this the place for us or what?”

They'd lived in a tiny two-bedroom in Queens, a paradise before Jughead's undercover gang assignment destroyed them from afar.

“It's right out of a dream, Bugaboo.”

Tap-tap-tap-tap. Shaking off her sudden melancholy, Betty turned at the sound of heels on hardwood on to face Cheryl's approach. “This place is downright immaculate,” she pretended to gush. “I would love to send the previous owners a Thank You note.”

Cheryl made a disinterested noise. “Whatever suits your sensibilities, Juliet dear. You can give it to me and I'll send it on to them,” she said with eyes downcast, pretending to study a scuff mark on the floor.

No, you certainly won't, Betty thought with a vicious stab of satisfaction at catching someone in a clear lie. Because Dilton Doiley was dead and his wife, Ethel, had gone missing.

A steady stream of people with boxes started coming through the open door. In the distance, Betty could see their undercover movers unloading the first of their carefully selected furniture. Now, there was a job: join the FBI and use your interior design degree to stage undercover agents' homes to help sell their cover.

“So,” Cheryl carefully enunciated. “What is it that you do?”

“Oh, I'm the social media manager for an event planning company in the city and Hols here is working on his third novel.” Betty beamed with pride at her pretend husband's achievements. Thanks to Amazon and Kindle Unlimited, it was disturbingly easy to backstop Holden Fletcher's novelist career in such a way that it was believable that the couple could afford to live in Eldervair Court.

The Bureau hired out-of-work English Majors and MFA degree-holders to do things like this, too.

Cheryl made another noise, clearly not impressed by what it is that they do.

That's when it got a bit weird. A redheaded man, who had been introduced to them as 'Archiekins' by his immaculate wife in pearls and a dark plum sheath dress, shouted out the time.

“5:40!”

The stream of neighbors turned into frenzied rapids. Before they knew it, all the boxes were inside, as well as the furniture, if not in the exact room they belonged. By 5:58, everyone was exiting the house with words of welcome and half-formed plans to have dinner tomorrow night.

“We'll leave you to it. Toodles, Neighbors!” And with that, Cheryl closed the door with a flourish behind her.

“Dear god,” Betty groaned, shoulders slumping.

“Yeah, nothing weird going on here at all,” muttered Jughead before he turned away from the front door. “Hold on, you didn't let me carry you over the threshold—“

Betty simply rolled her eyes and made her way toward the kitchen. They'd brought two coolers full of food to last them until they could go grocery shopping tomorrow. The Bureau had only intended to give them one, but Betty had renegotiated the second, knowing what kind of appetite Jughead had. She wanted to get the perishables into the fridge before it was too late.

She stopped short when she caught sight of the two items on the granite countertop. “Ju-” she caught herself in time. “Sweetie, come see what our neighbors left us!” she called out.

In less than two seconds she felt the heat of him at her back. “Well, wasn't that nice of them?”

Next to the enormous, spiral-bound binder that proclaimed 'Eldervair Court: Rules and Regulations' on the cover, was an ivory box with two detailed black-and-white creatures stenciled onto it. Inside the ornate red frame, written in Gothic lettering were the words:

Gryphons & Gargoyles