#yeah I know death is a positive card I’m a white gay person do you know how many fucking people I know who read tarot & wont shut up abt it

[squiddlysquoo]

That's the 5 of Cups and also Death is a positive card in tarot it just means change

Who got so mad at me misreading a random tarot in that FOX news clip that they messaged on anon. Come off anon and chastise me properly

[dragonairice]

BMC characters as things people I know have said because everyone else did it

Rich: Don’t be a joker. Be a clown. Get paid for making people laugh ~ Jeremy: My position on this couch reflects my position in society Michael: What does that even MEAN??? ~

Jeremy: Oh my God Oh my God oh my God- Mr.Heere: What’s wrong? Jeremy: I just told Michael I’m Bi! Jeremy:...SHIT I JUST TOLD YOU I’M BI-

~

Chloe: I’m not in the mood for a boyfriend right now

~

Jenna: No no no, go on, I’ve never seen a trainwreck in person before

~

Jake: Wish I was a credit card so people would call me valid

~

Jake: One’s death and the other’s debt. Both equally terrible things

~

Jeremy: I don’t subscribe to gender

~

Brooke: Is this a rhombus?...I’m just gonna call it a slanted rectangle

~

Rich: What do you call a kid with no life? Jeremy: Me? Rich: Dead Jeremy: Oh

~

Michael: You would die without me Jeremy: I would not Michael: You follow me to the bathroom!

~

Jake: It’s not over till the fat lady sings Jake: And Christine is about to ask me who the fat lady is

~

Michael: Okay first of all, don’t question my thought process, second, good one-liners before you shoot an atheist?

~

Chloe: A piano’s still gonna be a fucking piano, no matter who’s playing it

~

Jeremy: Do your work Rich: What if I did you instead? Jeremy: Not in school bro Rich: OH???

~

Michael: I WAS JUST JUMPED BY A WHITE MAN Jeremy: I JUST WANTED TO HUG YOU JESUS CHRIST 

~

Chloe: I’m looking forward to seeing your half of our project Rich Rich: Yeah I’m looking forward to seeing it too

~

SQUIP: I’m aromantic Jeremy: You smell nice?

~

Christine: I know what it is I just don’t know what it is

~

Jenna [to Chloe]: You’re turning into a white woman please stop

~

Brooke: Did you see Jeremy today? I like his vibes Chloe: That’s not a vibe that’s a cry for help

~

Rich: Raccoons are the world’s natural vibrators Jeremy:...I don’t even wanna know

~

Jenna, vlogging with the squad: This is what virgins do on a daily basis

~

Brooke: I don’t get it- my triangle looks abnormal! Michael: ...That’s a rectangle?

~

Jeremy: My brain is not braining

~

Jeremy [Betrayed]: after everything I’ve done for you? Chloe: Do more

~

Christine: What in the diddly darn gosh wholly heck Christine: Sorry I wanted to see how many funky things I could fit into one curse

~

Christine [pointing at herself in the mirror]: You are no silly quirky; you are a fool

~

Chloe: If you guys can donate some money please do Chloe: I mean, I can’t, I’m broke, but like you all can donate

~

Michael: be gay, do crime Jenna: be queer, have fear

~

Jake: Hey what’s alliteration? Michael:...Aren’t you an English student-

~

Jeremy: I don’t have a death wish I just wouldn’t complain if I died

~

Christine [talking about her cat]: Do you know how many times he’s just peed on my things and left? Chloe: Ugh. Men

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[jesuisgourde]

gay/queer references in Peter’s journals

Again, I have probably missed stuff due to going through pretty quickly and also due to having stared at this document for so long, everything has kind of blurred together.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both.

from 'A Diamond Guitar' by Truman Capote "Except that they did not combine their bodies or think to do so, though such things were not unknown at the (Prison), they were as lovers. Of the seasons, spring is the most shattering: stalks thrusting through the earth's winter-stiffened crust, young leaves cracking out on old left-to-die branches, the falling asleep wind cruising through all the newborn green. And with Mr Schaeffer it was the same, a breaking up, a flexing of muscles that had hardened. It was late January. The friends were sitting on the steps of the sheep house, each with a cigarette in his hand. A moon thin and yellow as a piece of lemon rind curved above them, and under its light, threads of ground frost glistened like silver snail trails. Tico Feo had been drawn into himself - silent as a robber waiting in the shadows."

Then a meet with Bounds Green's African prince outside whitechapel tube, rugged lookies at I in military attire & to a ruptured Albion rooms tidied in hours and now lids drawn heated on the eyes. A young looking fella has a crush on me.

Jackie/Camillia/Marie/Kate/Chris/V. churchill Jackie/Evelina/Jasmine/Sachi/Dalston/Sussie Sandra/Carlene/FP/Jay/Dalston/Kraut

There sat a young black man, perhaps in his early or middle twenties. He looked for all the world like the archetypal rude boy. Clean, cheap reebok, nike, adidas variously rolled, laced & zipped about his lean, spreadeagled body that hung loosely about the waiting room chair. Gold & tattoos adorned his person, and a blank animal look was attached to his clear face. He sat before me in a row of four empty chairs, staring at polished floor or the mundane television. A balding white man minced in & all perceptions were suddenly proven to be false as they embraced and snuggled up to each other, giggling & whispering & touching each others noses.... very much in love, fingers crossed for the blood tests.

[Image: an article from Gay Times of an interview with Peter. For some reason, the portrait included alongside the article is of Carl wearing a grey and black t-shirt.] Name? Peter Doherty Age? 22 Where are you? I'm on the motorway just north of Southampton. What kind of day are you having? (Vaguely) Erm... quite misty. Something's waiting around the corner, but there are no corners on the motorway, so we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead. Maybe something will happen tonight.... What's this we hear about you once being a rent boy? Well, when times are hard, duty calls. How long ago was it? When I was 19, about three years ago. How do we know this isn't just a Shaun Ryder-type lie? 'Cause if it was, it would make me a complete scumbag and I'm not, and I'm not interested in that kind of pantomime. It wasn't a very happy time. I didn't really enjoy it. Why did you give it up? (grimly) Well, certain people disappeared... and anyway, ultimately I found myself no longer in such a vulnerable position anymore. Dawn broke, and I realised that it was a beautiful world after all. Have you done any other dodgy jobs? All of us in the band have tried to deal, but it's not good if you like the drugs too much. You just end up using them yourself! I once was a gravedigger. I used to do it with my mate in Willesden Green cemetery. We didn't actually do the digging, a machine did that, but we used to have to fill them in. It was pretty grim work. So are you gay then? Love is love, wherever it comes from. I'm not anything, really. I am a very sexual person but... I dunno, I believe in liberty... The Marquis de Sade has a lot to answer for... Do you get a lot of gay fans? Yeah - well, there's one guy in particular. He's very shy and he follows us around. He brings in letters and cards and stuff, but he's very quiet. I think John (the bassist) is the main pulling power in the band. Are you jealous about that? Nah! I've known him too long.

You know I'm alright i dont even care i like it when they stare & stare call me queer, dear oh dear a million things & what I wear He's real hard when he's with his mates but I'll saw him again & he was too late

Dear NME I'd have thought after the Gay Times piece, the interview with Rapture fanzine & our recent gig at the Slum Club everything would be clear. No it still remains to give a big hearty fuck off to all these twisted suburban types calling me a liar. Vulnerable young men & women all over the world find themselves victims of circumstance.

she was dressed in suit & tie & lightly etched-on moustache. 'I've always wanted to kiss a bird in the back of a taxi.' she says, running her hand up the fishnet ladders of my thigh. Stepping onto the front line in Bow puddles, elevators, buzzing doors,

[Image: the original page in the book has been preserved. Two paragraphs have been boxed off with biro. They read:] “...cast Richard Burton and Rex Harrison as bickering queer barbers and then much more uncompromisingly in William Friedkin's adaptation of The Boys in the Band (1970), which introduced some of the plainer four letter words in the English language to the screen for the first time. 'Who,' asks Cliff Gorman, in his brilliant portrayal of the most effeminate of the homosexual group as they gather for a soul-searching party, 'Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?' Other homosexual manifestations to occur in movies around this time included an elliptical but unmistakeable male fellatio scene in John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy (1969) when Jon Voight, as a broke and disillusioned Texas stud importunes in a New York cinema....”

[Image, top left: a blurry photo of John onstage, playing bass. Image, top right, sideways: a photo of the band onstage. Carl and John are on the left, sharing a mic. Peter is on the right, playing guitar and singing into his own mic. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his bottom half from the chest down is visible. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his top half from shoulders up is visible. Image, bottom left: a torn fragment of a photo. What looks like a denim-clad knee and a yellow carrier bag are visible. Image, bottom middle: a photo of someone's knee in torn jeans, taken from under a table. Image, bottom right: a torn photo of Carl in a black sleeveless shirt, posing with his fingers in his mouth.] [A paragraph from the original page of the book has been left exposed and boxed off with black biro. It reads:] “The Boys in the Band was displaced by an immeasurably more powerful portrayal of homosexual groups, Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971). Set in a Quebec prison, this disturbing, factually based drama vividly recounted the corrupted of a heterosexual convict trapped in a tough, potentially vicious homosexual society. In one horrifying scene, a weak, put-upon prisoner is gang-banged by his fellow inmates; in another, the 'hero' is blackmailed by his cellmate into accepting him as his lover for the duration...”

Like a cat on a hot tin roof Like a macho man in a roomful of poofs I have tried in my way to be free.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Jerome... is that how it's spelt? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes it is [Written in Peter's handwriting] Can I read you something? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes please.....

I insist, new book of Albion, befuddled by drugs I may yes about 2 but I do not miss out entirely on the subtleties of the inhuman relation ships that are this the mainstay of my stay here in one bounce of a loaf. Boys are fooled into fooling with boys. [...]

More general references/some extra explanations:

“The boy looked at Johnny” is a line from Patti Smith's song “Horses,” part one of a three-part song called “Land.” In the song, a young man named Johnny is assaulted by another man in a locker room; he then mentally journeys to other fantastical lands and visions. A lot of people interpret it as being about gay sex, although some people interpret it as being about a stabbing.

Peter quotes and references Jean Genet's writing and works about Jean Genet many times. While Genet's works are nearly all about crime and prison (one of Peter's main interests and points of fascination), all of his works are very explicitly gay. The Thief's Journal is more about Genet's various lovers than it is about his criminal history. Our Lady Of The Flowers is about a drag queen and her criminal lovers, and is also extremely erotic.

(“Jerome” is Jerome Alexandre, vocalist of The Deadcuts, who was friends with Peter and Mark Keds.)

[leechonspeeddial]

Midnight Shift: Singer's Blood

Summary: Something wicked might have come to the Burger King. Either that, or someone really needs deodorant

wc: 1.7k

Read on ao3

"And just like that? I'm in your game?"

"Eh, 'just like that' is like not it, Gucci, but basically. Yeah, dude," I watched as sprite mini-me walked all over the map — a pixelated version of East Laddle's last remaining Burger King, complete with a rat king decomposing in the parking lot and Not Kevin's monster of a car covering an old blood stain.

"Call me Gucci again and I'll burn down your secret edibles stash"

"Nah, dude. The invitation for your family's gala was written in gold, and the card was imported from France. I think I'm entitled, yeah?" I rolled my eyes and cursed as the date to Alice's stupid party drew to a close. Two more days before the humans unknowingly walked into a vampire lair.  

It was cliché to say that I just wanted to be a normal kid, and there was a part of me that would be happy to explain everything I felt with the cliché. But I knew that wasn't it — spending a decade in high school made you realize how stifling normal could be. What I truly wanted was to be left alone; I was fed up of Alice treating my like one of her dolls and everyone enabling her. I was tired of having no thought that was truly for myself and Edward violating my privacy on a whim. It hurt to see Rosalie go from a doting mother to a distant figure when I no longer looked like a child, much like it hurt to see Bella see me as an extension of her beloved husband. 

Being able to hear all of them have sex only made everything much worse.

"Whatever. Just show me my final boss form. You said your roommate was hardcore into Junji Ito"

"Alright, but we only have the concept art for it, though. Abby got super pissed at us for smoking her artisanal weed, so she's not like making the sprite until we get her more, 'kay?" Straight Kevin minimized the game and navigated through his discord server. I left him to his search so I could refill my mello yello; it was always a good shift when Gay Kevin and Not Kevin were away from the store. They were objectively entertaining men, but they also got a little too intense about work here. Neither would let us blow off work in favour of our personal projects. 

Not since Wrestlemania Condimentalooza.

I slurped at my drink and absentmindedly wiped at the counter. Straight Kevin had his phone hooked to our sound system and he was blasting his playlist. His taste in music was…was one would call eclectic if one was feeling charitable – and boy, did I feel like I was making a million dollar donation. In the past hour alone, we had listened to swedish rap, some Nancy Sinatra, Blackpink, Tibetan throat singing, quebecois death metal, and Maroon 5. 

Fucking Maroon 5. 

But none of that compared to the song that was currently playing. It was less of an auditory experience, less of a musical treat, and more like being forcefully turned into a robot that was in the middle of short circuiting. Not only could you feel the beat, but you could see it too. It looked like flashing lights, and I was certain in that moment, that if it continued I would soon be able to taste sound.

And it was during that assault of my senses that I smelled it. Something unlike anything I had ever smelled before and an immeasurable sense of dread washed over me. The pit in my stomach felt like a black hole as I stood ramrod straight and saw a man I had never seen before enter the building alongside Jeremiah.

Nothing about him particularly stood out. He looked like any other white guy that just got out of the office. He was tall though, taller than anyone else here. Not unnaturally tall, mind you, but...something about his aura felt dangerous. I was on edge and no longer breathing, was this how it felt to be near il tuo cantante?

I made eye contact with the man and tried to place the smell, the flavour of it. It didn't taste enticing, if anything the rat king out back called to me more than the man did. But if this was what Bella smelled like when she was human, I had many questions for Edward.

"How's it hanging, Carrot top? Still working on that game, I see Shaggy," Jerimiah appeared oblivious of my behavior. Then again, glaring to our customers wasn't uncommon for me.

I looked away from the man and I saw Jerimiah set up a chess game on his table. Oh no.

"My man C.J. here is buying me lunch, so you can tell your anxious manager not to have a panic attack over more 'non-paying customers'"

"Nah, it's all cool, dude. Kev and Not Kev are on a supply run. Another of our suppliers dropped us like a hot potato"

"Cello beach, that's what they say, no?" Jeremiah shrugged and the man tilted his head.

"C'est la vie?" He questioned using a register of voice I had not expected. I hated it.

"Languages were never my thing. Math, now that's my jam," he dropped onto his chair and I decided I needed to clear my airways. I needed to get out of here. 

Now.

"Kev, take their order. I'm going to deal with the raccoons"

I didn't even wait for a response before I hauled ass out of there. Luckily, I had enough self control to not vampire yeet myself. 

Once outside I took a deep breath.

It was a deeply offensive smell, but at least it was a familiar one. Trash, raccoons, and decay, baby. 

Though, on second breath. Way less raccoons than last week. Significantly less. Maybe Gay Kevin had finally bested them, which shame if true. 

I leaned on the dumpster and tried to focus. It was important for me to figure out what the hell was going on, because damn if some paper pusher was the reason we left East Laddle. The Cullens would jump at the opportunity to decrease my autonomy if I ate some guy. 

Which, yeah. Murder shouldn't be taken lightly, but I'd never be able to have as much freedom as I did now.

God, it'd be fucked. They'd make me go back to school and somehow rationalize that decision as a good one. Somehow surrounding me with hundreds of humans after murdering one would make sense because they'd be there to keep an eye on me...

I was getting sidetracked again, back to the matter at hand. 

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, that man stank. Second, there was a part of me – and I didn’t know how potent that part might be – that wanted to murder him in cold blood. And third, I was deeply and irrationally terrified of him.

A trash can fell over with a loud clang and a empty jug of bleach rolled pass my feet. My eyes widened in realization – Jake had once told me that to him, the smell of vampires made his nose burn. It was an unpleasant odor that clung to everything a vampire touched. Similarly, Alice had gone on at length at how much she didn't like how the shifters smelled like.

The man didn't smell like a shifter, which only served to make me more uneasy. He clearly wasn't a vampire, his eyes were bright blue and I heard his heart beat, but my nose felt like burning back there. 

The more I stood in our nearly empty garbage zone, the more questions I had. The last time I felt this level of terror, the freaking Volturi had crossed the Atlantic to personally execute me. It was horrifying.

And exciting. This was something new and unheard of, a break from the monotony of the past 15 years. I needed to solve this mystery and I needed to do it stat. Not only because this was potentially life threatening – and I didn't mean just the vampires, whatever that man was could be a danger to the whole town – but also because the moment the Cullens found out about it, we'd be out the Minnesota, nay, the States, before I could even think to protest. 

I was so not letting the Cullens ruin this for me. This could be my Riverdale moment; Betty who? Resentment Cannibal was on the case. 

...

Ok. That was a bit cringe, but fuck it. I walked back in to the building with a mission in mind. I also washed by hands with our heavy duty soap for at least 20 seconds.

"–that incident he got kicked from kitchen duties. Which sucked, cuz CJ has some wicked knife skills," Jeremiah's voice carried to the back of the kitchen and I mentally prepared myself to go back to ground zero. 

"How didn't you notice the taste? Catfish smell so bad when you rupture their guts"

I walked to our registers just in time to see the man shrug. The chess game was still on going and they had pushed another table besides Jeremiah's to make space for the food. There was only one meal on the tray.

"You should have seen Tammy's face. She wanted to blow up so bad, but she couldn't because Susan was there," Jeremiah pitched his voice up and put on the worst British accent I had heard in my life, "'Oh, it's fine Mr. Singer. No big deal. Not a problem. Honest mistake. Happens to everyone!'" 

He took a bite from his burger before continuing. "That woman is so gone on CJ it makes her look stupid."

The man made a face while Straight Kevin laughed.

"She isn't 'gone' on me"

"'Oh Mr. Singer, is that a new coat? Did you do something new with you hair, it looks spiffing! What a nice strong man you are,'" Straight Kevin dissolved into giggles while Jeremiah kept up his imitation. "You have to tell her your taken, man. For all of our sakes"

I stepped forward to join the conversation, when my phone blew up, vibrating as if its life depended on it. I would have ignore it, but the notifications just kept coming. The three men looked back at me.

Fuck.

I fumbled as I took the phone out from my pocket and I checked the messages, all of the Cullens had send me a text and they all said the same thing.

Family emergency. Alice had a vision. Come home.

Double fuck.

[acousticcheeze]

Here's my 100 questions for my OC thing!

My OC is Laureli, a 6'2 Altmer trying to make his way in Skyrim

1. What do they smell like?

Whatever alchemy ingredient he’s been working with, really. Lavender is what he smells like most often, though.

2. What is their voice like?

A smooth-ish medium pitch Altmer voice that has elements of calm and irritation.

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Helping others through his alchemy. He wants to improve medicine for Skyrim, as well as all of Tamriel.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

He had a whole scientific presentation one year that ended up being completely wrong. He got humiliated in front of everyone.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

Winces at it, curses, and then gets to treating the problem.

6. What do they like to wear?

Functional clothes that keep him warm and allow him to carry alchemy ingredients in his pockets.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

The relationships with some of the people he’s helped over the years. It gave him a sense of purpose and fulfillment knowing that he could help people, save people.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

He’s an alchemist...in Skyrim...I’m pretty sure there are a few contenders… (giants toe, large/small antlers, ectoplasm, the list goes on)

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Normal side sleeper. Prefers to sleep on his left side.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

Horker stew. It’s actually way better than he thought it would be.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

If what he’s doing is good enough. He has big problems with perfectionism that still persist with him even after leaving Summerset.

12. How do they like to dress?

Robes with an alchemy enchantment and a hood.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

He tries to shake them off, but has panic attacks and whatnot sometimes as a result of them.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Is completely shattered by it. He’s dealt with this so many times before, though, so he keeps his cards close to his chest.

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Creating potions that help much more than the average cure disease potion would, as well as all sorts of other concoctions. Also, he’s created a sort of disinfectant and is working on a hand sanitizer.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Cranky, cranky, cranky.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Drunk? Oh no no no no Laureli does not drink (and even if he did he’d be out real quick)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

He isn’t really into music, but he enjoys the songs the bard plays at the Bannered Mare.

19. Are they right or left handed?

Right, but is practicing with his left hand too in case something happens to his right.

20. Fears?

Death and failure, mostly.

21. Favorite kind of weather?

As the sun rises and there’s dew all over the grass, the light reflecting through each drop.

22. Favorite color?

The color of eyes. Or, more specifically, the hundreds of little pinpricks of different colors inside of eyes, It’s really quite fascinating.

23. Do they collect anything?

OH YEAH. So many different alchemy ingredients and random stuff to be used in his next works-

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold, which is good since he lives in Skyrim.

25. What is their eye color?

Chartreuse (like most Altmer)

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Altmer

27. Hair color?

White

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

Yup. Breezehome is small, but manageable, and Whiterun is a decent hold to live in.

29. Are they a morning person?

Yes. He gets tired around 9 and can’t stay up past 12.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

Very organized. Again, he’s a perfectionist.

32. Pet peeves?

People touching his things as well as people inserting themselves into his business.

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

An amulet of Talos a Nord gave him. He hadn’t gotten the chance to learn much about Talos at home, and he found it very interesting talking to the local Nords about their beliefs. That amulet reminds him of his first day in Skyrim, the first day of his new life.

34. Least favorite food?

Taffy treats, or anything with that sort of texture and stickiness that can get stuck to his teeth very easily.

35. Least favorite color?

Very pale green. It looks gross.

36. Least favorite smell?

Death. (Yes, death has a smell)

37. When was the last time they cried?

Recently.

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

No. Oh Auri-el, no no no no. He cries alone and he makes sure of it.

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

Was in a fire when he was younger, he has a burn going up the inner leg on his right leg.

40. Do they have any scars?

Only mental ones. (and the burn scar on his leg)

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

Perfectionism, past abuse, self hate, among others.

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Picking at his nails. He knows it makes them hurt and get bloody, but sometimes he just can’t help it.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He can be very rude if he’s working, but to be fair, it is really annoying to be bothered in the middle of your work.

44. Why might someone love them?

Who wouldn’t love an overworked science boye? But in all seriousness, if he loves someone, he will be very caring towards them and is also just great listener. Tries not to care any more though because of personal trauma.

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yup. He’s heard of people’s encounters with them. Honestly, you’d be stupid to not believe in them.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

At this point? No. Farkas later down the line? Yes.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Farkas, but we ain’t talking about that yet~

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

No

49. Do they like surprises?

No. Please do not surprise this poor man he will stagger back and crash into everything.

50. When is their birthday?

9th of Hearthfire (September 9th)

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

He takes a few seconds to acknowledge it and then gets on with his work.

52. Do they have any family?

Yup! A Mom, a Dad, a younger sister, and a male cousin that lives nearby (he’s in the Thalmor and the whole family has very Pro-Thalmor views)

53. Are they close to their family?

HAH- no~

54. What is their MBTI type?

INTJ (Damn this list for making me look up stereotypes for this. Honestly I hate the MBTI system so much-)

55. What is their zodiac sign?

Virgo

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Ravenclaw

57. What D&D alignment are they?

If lawful chaotic good was a thing then yes

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

Yes, but they are often so tangled up that it’s hard to get any real meaning from them.

59. What are their views on death?

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’ll be fine-” Hopes that he’ll be fine but is really scared about it.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Bad science puns. He will stifle a chuckle before telling you how bad your joke was.

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

This man does not get bored. He will always find something alchemy related to study or look into.

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

Yes. Laureli loves the Skyrim weather (for the most part. Places like Dawnstar and Winterhold suck)

63. Do they have an accent?

Yes. He has the typical Altmer accent.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

“Why is this here? This isn’t mine.”

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say

He would probably take too long deciding and die before he could do/say anything.

66. How do they feel about sex?

Sex repulsed asexual.

67. What is their sexuality?

GAY

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

Nope.

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

He’s seen so much it would take a lot to surprise him here.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

Grumpy scientist with no people skills.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yes, definitely

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Not really. (Lucky)

73. Do they have a pet?

No

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Nope, unless you press his buttons. His anger is pretty much “What in the name of Auri-el is wrong with you?! Don’t touch my equipment!!”

75. How patient are they?

Very...until you hit his limit. Then he gets passive aggressive.

76. Are they good at cooking?

Not really. He can be good at it, he just chose not to learn in favor of working on his projects. Can make enough to live on, though.

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

He doesn't have a favorite insult (he rarely insults people).

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Talking fast, pacing, flappy hands.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

Try to avoid bringing those fears up around them and avoiding making fun of them. If their fear is nearby, he will either tell them or take care of it. (which is good because Farkas is scared of spiders)

80. Are they trustworthy?

Yes, but you have to be a very certain kind of person to work with him.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Sometimes, especially romantic feelings. Romantic attraction? Nope, not possible- (It totally is; he’s in denial)

82. Do they exercise regularly?

With all of the walking he does around various holds, yes.

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yes. He’s a perfectionist with many things, but has learned to let go a bit more when it comes to his appearance. He still will take ages to get ready, though.

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

Tattoos, braids, basically everything you’d see on a typical Nord. It’s so different from his home and he’s completely enamored.

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Himbo nord men. Sweet morons basically.

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Not really. Sweet foods do have their place, but he isn’t wanting to get any cavities, so he tries to limit his sugar. (Especially since Altmer live 200-300 years aprox)

87. What is their age?

52 (~20s for an Altmer)

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

Tall, but about average for an Altmer

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

No, but if he did he would have half-moon spectacles.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

Not really. He doesn’t really think anyone is attractive. (Well, except for Nord himbos, but he doesn’t know that until he meets Farkas)

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Practically nonexistent, but when there is humor it’s mostly dry and sardonic.

92. What mood are they most often in?

That sort of focused work mode you get in when you’re really concentrating, as well as somewhat-sociable-but-still-kind-of-tired-and-grumpy

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People messing up his equipment. Oh sweet Auri-el, if you touch his things he will explode. Also, he hates the racism that the Thalmor promote. (He hates racism in general, but he hates the Thalmor’s views the most).

94. Outlook on life?

“It sucks, but I do find quite a bit fascinating and I’ll help where I can.”

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

His perfectionism, how lonely he knows he is, and more.

96. What is their greatest weakness?

Again, his perfectionism, as well as having his work dictate more in his life than he should.

97. What is the greatest strength?

His brain. He remembers small details extremely well, and is practically an encyclopedia when it comes to alchemy.

98. Something that they regret?

How awful he used to be to everyone back home. He got a lot of pushback on his dreams and who he was, so he lashed out. Even though there wasn’t much he could do there, he still regrets hiring his family and wants to try at a relationship again with them (lol good luck).

99. Biggest accomplishment?

How is this different from “Greatest Achievement”?

100. Create your own! (Why is his alchemy so different from the norm?)

Because he’s trying to do something much more along the lines of modern medicine as opposed to just potions.

101. (Bonus!) Why is he in Skyrim?

Because it’s rather lacking in the medicine department compared to the other provinces, so he decided his talents would be best used there. Obviously, his family protested, but he went anyways.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #225

“i tried to write your name in the rain, but the rain never came.”

How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Considering my dumb phone doesn't let me know I have texts half the time, I do multiple times throughout the day. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? HA HA YOOOOOOOOOOOO SARA AND I DID AND NOW I DEADASS WANNA MARRY HER TOMORROW How many times a day do you wash your hands? It varies. After I use the bathroom or if I'm about to touch food. You walk in on your parents smoking pot, what do you do? lol h u h How old were you when you had your first crush? Hell if I know. I do remember as a young kid though, I was very much "ew boys no thnx." Maybe like... 5th grade? When was the last time you asked God for something? A long, long time ago. Your opinion on smoking: Just don't, dude. It's money going towards gradual suicide. No one likes the smell. You sure won't like how it affects your body. It's an addiction/it's stressful to stop. I'm not gonna like, judge you if you smoke, but nevertheless, I'll tell anyone it's an awful idea. Make love or fuck? It depends on the mood. I was more into the former mood back when that even applied to me, though. Have you ever cried so much over something that later felt like nothing? Oh, I can assure you I have. The last time you were afraid of the dark was: I'm not really scared of the dark, but one time I got up semi-recently in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and after one incident, I was so, so careful and nervous to step on Bentley's tail. He lost his fucking mind on me when I did it once, of course on accident. The TV was off by this point, so I couldn't see well at all. I love having a dog that fucking scares me. How often do you say I love you to your parents and mean it? A whole lot. Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? I mean sure, it sucks, but if they're legitimately busy, they're busy. Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes what animal? I had a phase where I really wanted a fox, and now I am DEAD serious about fostering opossums at some point. When you go to sleep, do you have to have white noise or silence? SILENCE. Though I don't really get /total/ silence 'cuz I have to have my fan on. My room's always hot. Have you ever gotten in a fight with a teacher? No. Ever had a creepy dream about a teacher? No. Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? I believe I was at my then-best friend's house. I had suuuuch bad separation anxiety from my mom that I know I was older than most kids who did. What are you limits for doing stuff for money? I'd never do sexual favors or seriously hurt someone for it. Is there someone you are mean to all the time for no reason? No. I'll admit I'm typically rather short with Bentley, but Jesus, do I have reason. When you think of love what’s the first that comes to mind? Sara. How do you calm your mind and find peace when you are stressed? My best bet is going to sleep; that's pretty much, usually, my reset button. Have you ever given someone flowers? I gave Jason flowers once or twice. I gave my mom some for Mother's Day as a kid. How often do you get on Facebook? A couple times a day... mainly just to see memes lmaoooo. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? Good Lord, Tuesdays. I'm at school for 13 hours. Mostly sitting in the library waiting for classes, but. I do study a whole lot, though, and it's when I get a bunch of schoolwork done. Is there a place that you will never return back to? Idk. When was the last time that you created a PowerPoint? I'm actually working on/off one for FYS 'cuz we have to do this "Lifeline" thing where we introduce ourselves and give our stories. Guess who's not fucking ready. Do you like group work? NO. NO. Particularly if it's with people I don't know. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Is music or the TV on while you complete this survey? I'm listening to Chase Holfelder's cover of "Kiss The Girl" rn. Does your grass need cut currently? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? Occasionally. What color are the doors in your house? White. Have your friends ever not wanted you to be with someone? Probably. What is your favorite use for whipped cream? I hate that stuff. What is your favorite flower? Orchids. And your favorite nut? Ew no thanks. Can you curse in a foreign language? Of course I know "fuck" and "shit" in German lmao. Are you fond of spaghetti? Hell yeah man. Have you ever played in the mud? I sure did zoom through it on my bike as a kid. Do you remember what your first real relationship felt like? That relationship ultimately led to PTSD, how could I possibly forget. Who can make you happy no matter what? Sara, Mark, and Game Grumps are particularly good at that. How tall are you? 5'4.5'' Are there any animals near you? No, I'm at school rn. Do have a lot of lists? No. Are you a godparent? No. Do you sleep too much or not enough? Eh, it depends on the day and my mood. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? Never been on one before. Do you think having a bad temper is a sign of immaturity? I mean, no? It's an interesting question and I guess a "maybe," but. I feel this depends on the trigger. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? I was a fucking yoga master babe in 9th grade, fuckin fite me. When growing up, did your parents keep the house very tidy? I guess? It wasn't dirty. How many watches do you own? Zero. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? Political views, I guess? Or the fact I'm bi? I only know of one person in my extended family that's gay. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? No shit? Emergencies are a thing? BUT, respect the teacher, please. I cannot stand people using their phone in class, especially here in college. You're paying a shitload to learn. Spend that time as you're supposed to. Take education seriously. If your phone's on vibrate for said emergency situations, that's cool. Do you have any gay relatives? Lol oh. Yeah, Mom has a cousin. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Yeah. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? I deleted my sister's mother-in-law in fury over her homophobia because I've seriously had it, then just a few days ago actually I went through my Facebook list deleting people I just didn't really feel connected to/didn't really care to follow their journey anymore. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? Zero. Do you know what your vocal range is? It's not broad. I'd say I'm probably in a rank slightly lower than most women. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I've never really been in the position to be capable of that. I've never had a source of income. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Probably heavy. Or symphonic, though I haven't found too many artists in that sub-genre that I really enjoy. But BOY, when I do? I will BINGE that shit to the ends of the earth. Have you ever turned down someone who didn’t handle the rejection well? Ha ha oh man, I remember in 4th grade, this kid Nick was desperate to date me. It was endearing and cute, but he asked kinda obsessively. Then jfc, when I broke up with Tyler, you would've thought I was Jason and he was me, holy shit. How large is your largest scar, and what is it from? Well, I can't see it, so I actually don't know. I guess kinda long, but not wide. It's from a cyst removal surgery. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Omg, my Writing teacher. She really liked my writing on my essay. I was so flattered. When was the last time you went for a walk? Like, just a casual walk for the sake of walking? Not since I was at Sara's last. That was when my muscle atrophy was starting to get extremely bad though and I was very close to death omg. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? I don't think so. When cooking a meal, do you clean up as you go or wait til you’re done? I don't know how to cook. Do you develop crushes easily? NO. I am soooooo romantically picky. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? A month or more with Colleen after we were evicted. That was a really good time, honestly, regardless of how we feel about each other now. I don't think anyone's done something so selfless for me, and we really did have fun. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? I'd say it was normal for someone that age. Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? NO. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? Hell yeah. That was my favorite thing about the church I grew up with; Catholic churches tend to truly have incredible stained glass. Are you scared of snakes? Nope, snakes are Baby. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No; I only have two, and I just slightly have enough room for them. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? I strongly prefer soft. Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes. Do you eat meat? Regretfully. Can you sleep with the light on? NOOOOOOOOOO. I have to truly be exhausted. Have you ever broken a bone? No, but I did fracture my wrist as a kid. Have you ever made ice cream in chemistry class? Bitch I wish, tf. Do you use the microwave often? Considering a bitch can't cook, yes. Microwavable meals are the reason I am alive. Have you ever painted a room? No. What’s in your copy and paste? This survey. Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward? Fuckin ME JFC. How do you usually pose in your pictures? With the left side of my face facing the camera (bc my hair kinda swoops over the right side), and I'll usually smile with my teeth or do a :D face bc at least I look happy instead of high with my squinty-ass eyes. :') Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them? um????????? me?????????????? Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway? If someone doesn't want me to take a picture of them, I absolutely don't push them 'cuz I totally get it. How’s your posture? Bad. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed? Thank God in Heaven no. I. Would. Have. Raged. ^ were you a good mother/father? N/A What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up? My hair is too short for that. But I generally find french braid buns SO pretty. Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book? Uh, I don't think so. What does your screen name mean? Favorite animal, meerkats, + favorite artist, Ozzy Osbourne. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test? N- no wait. They were mandatory when I've gone to the ER for suicidal thoughts. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events? It doesn't really matter to me. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone? Idk, dropped it? What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both? Uh, I don't think it's exactly debatable to call it selfish... I mean, you're dating for the sake of monetary gain...? What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you? I couldn't even try to picture her doing that, but obviously I'd be uncomfortable and jealous. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do? Idk, multiple things. Which ex of yours do you talk to the most? I only talk to Girt. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with? I drank with family, probably, but I've never reached the point of being drunk, and I've never been high. ^ are you still friends? I mean, I love my family. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission? No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped? *shrugs* Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing? I don't know what it would be. Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do? Probably none? I don't have many friends to compare to. Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal? UM Suzy Hanson is a B A B E? ?? ? ? ??? I adooooorrrrre her clothing line (Psychic Circle), too, and so wanna buy something. Have you ever been lost in the woods? DARLIN I've watched The Blair Witch Project 2 much for that shit. What did you last stretch the truth about? Idk. Have you ever had withdrawals from something? Caffeine, and then WoW for quite a few months after I stopped playing for like, a year or more. Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about? I know at least one of Mom's friends that I've only met once, and briefly. How old is 'too old’ for you to date? I wouldn't date over 30 (I absolutely stg that has nothing to do with H I S age being 30 lmaoooo). How do you feel about guys in tight jeans? Skinny jeans look good on like, anyone. Favorite hour-long show? Uhhh idk. Well, at least out of the shows I used to like and would be most interested in watching, The Good Doctor. Favorite half-hour show? Meerkat Manor. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once? My current house? Just one, I think. Steak or chicken? Chicken. I'm piiiiickyyyy w/ steak. Is flirting really cheating? Yes, if you're clearly not just teasing. What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value? My pebble from my partial hospitalization program. What’s your choice of chips? Girrrrrllll gimme Cool Ranch Doritos. What song would you use to torture someone? i t ' s  f r i d a y  f r i d a y What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received? Probably that my nose was cute? If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say? First off, NOT say "you're not fat omg ur beautiful." I'M overweight and don't like when people say that. I'm perfectly aware that you're lying "for my own sake," which is sweet, but it's not helpful. Motivate me/the person to improve without being an asshole. Let them know I believe in them, which I do for ANYONE. If I could lose 60-70 pounds in a year, anyone can. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say? So when I was very little and my mom gave me orange juice, I freaked out because it had pulp in it. And what did I say? "I CAN'T DRINK THAT IT HAS NIPPLES IN IT" look idk don't ask but boy does Mom love sharing that story. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hot’. You say: Most likely "go away." Possibly "thank you, but please go away." Actually yeah, that's more likely. Like it's flattering to know someone finds you attractive, but yeah, that's just uncomfortable for some stranger to do that. I also wouldn't want to really piss the person off. Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Definitely not. Almost the only person ever would be Girt. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No. Not my kinda scene. Like I absolutely will not think less of someone who does this, but I just don't like but moreso feel bad for men or women who reduce themselves to their sexual capabilities. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Hell nah man. Pizza is supreme. What color is your watch? I'm not wearing one. I never do. Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. Visual attraction, of course that's real, but I promise you dear, you don't love someone upon looking at them. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? I hate that stuff. Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's father-in-law's mom. ... At least I think that's what she is? Do you want to change your name? Nah, it's fine. Have you ever tried to erase someone from your memory? Of course I have.

[writer-and-artist27]

How to Kill a Slimy Snake Man

Because Osie gave me permission and the idea was too tempting to really resist. And they were nice enough to help me edit, so woo! More writing to share!

The usual disclaimers as always: I don’t own anything or anyone except Tomoko. Kei belongs to @langwrites, and Otoha to @owlsofstarlight.

The theme for this story is My Soul Your Beats, specifically the fanmade Duet Remix done originally by Lia and LisA for Angel Beats. I found that the remix really fits the world that is Silent Feathers, combining the piano that Tomoko is known for with the rock beats Lang and Osie seem to use a lot for CYB. I wanted to use this song for so long, I’m just glad Silent Feathers has given me an excuse to do so now!

This should canonically take place after the original Silent Feathers post, the short story titled Kuroha-san, and Osie’s most recent story showing Otoha’s lab antics.

Please enjoy!

Secrets always seemed to have this unspoken code of conduct. Vy’s past family took it to heart enough to where it was still ingrained in me as Tomoko.

(1) Never force someone into saying it. (2) No one was entitled to hearing another person’s secret. (3) If a secret is shared with you, you’re not supposed to share it with others because it breaks the whole idea of a “secret” in the first place. And (4), always be patient and understanding when someone wanted to share a secret. Interrupting was literally the nail in the coffin of any talk like that.

Even now, that didn’t change.

Kuroha-san was particularly antsy when the prospect of secret sharing came up in the air, and even if I didn’t know them as well as Kei, that didn’t mean they were any less deserving of respect.

Kuroha-san was just as much of a reincarnation buddy and friend as Kei. The least I could do was hear them out. The more help we could get before the world went to shit via Aliens and bullshitty snakes, the better.

I wasn’t expecting Otoha to blurt it out when the tension became a bit too much.

…Well, technically, they glossed over it, but the words were way too suspicious to be ignored. Even if they weren’t directed at me.

Kei was with us too, so that helped.

Maybe.

It all started with Kei prompting the question behind her cup of tea. “So, any updates on snake-man?”

Otoha flapped their right hand in the air while swaying back and forth on their seat cushion. “Oh you know, same-old same-old. The snan’s still proving why we need a code of ethics.” She fell silent for a second, then brightly added, “Oh, fun news, I told him about Unsealing Technique: Flesh Confetti and actually creeped him out!”

Kei visibly paused her thinking. “Flesh Confetti?”

Snan? What? Hisako loudly expressed in my place with a raised eyebrow. Is that supposed to mean something? And what the hell is Flesh Confetti?

For some reason, I could only imagine that one filler arc where Hinata came up with the Protective Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms Technique for literally slicing up summon bees, and I shivered. Bug corpses were already not a pretty image to remember.

Otoha’s next comment didn’t help because Kei apparently set off an explanation. Around their strawberry mochi, because the sweets didn’t even deter them from talking. Or flapping their hands. “I store the fleshy bits and gore left over from my Razor Wind Jutsu and then unseal it over my unsuspecting enemies when I need a quick distraction! So, Flesh Confetti!”

Never mind. Ew.

My stomach sank as the saliva quickly dried up in my mouth. “How…effective.” The words were almost guttural and far too deep to really be from my voice if not for the fact I felt my lips move.

I did not need that image in my head.

Otoha only grabbed another strawberry mochi from the plate sitting in the center of the impromptu group huddle that we were having on my room floor. They apparently didn’t mind? “That’s the same reaction Orochimaru had.”

Now bile was climbing up my throat. Um. What.

Rewind. Did Kuroha-san say, “Orochimaru”?

My mental voice came out tiny and barely audible in the massive mental library. Hisako?

…They said, “Orochimaru.” My Nobody paced back and forth, shaking her head vigorously. Her long brown hair was flying everywhere, but she didn’t even seem to care, continuing to pace with a fish face. They. Freaking. Said. OROCHIMARU. Hisako repeated incredulously.  

What. What.

Kei didn’t seem all that fazed, judging by the raised eyebrow in Otoha’s direction, but my stomach was already starting to grow pumpkin patches for butterflies to start flocking around. Ugh.

The conversation starter of “snake-man” didn’t make me feel any better. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that my voice turned high-pitched to express that uncertainty. “Um, Kuroha-san? Kei?”

Both ninja turned to me. “Yeah, Tomo-chan?”

They were in unison. Holy heck, they were in freaking unison. Hisako clapped almost immediately, but I outwardly blinked because that kind of thing rarely happened outside of well-established ninja teams. Then again, I only really talked with Team Minato and Gai, so there was that…

That was both cool and kinda whoa. Hisako finished for me.

Yeah…

Kei and Otoha exchanged a look before turning back to meet my stare. “Uh, Tomo-chan,” Kei started slowly, putting down her cup of tea, “are you okay?”

“Trying?” I squeaked. The stomach butterflies were starting to mate now, frig. I did not want to throw up right now! “To be okay. I think. Um. Uh.”

Hisako had taken a fetal position in the library while pulling out a single cue card from around the corner. She was broken too. Darn it. The cue card barely helped with its single sentence of, Just say it.

This was going to be a bombshell.

I forced as much oxygen into my lungs with a deep breath, instinctively closed my eyes to save myself the embarrassment that was meeting my friends’ stares, before blurting it out. “WH-WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY OROCHIMARUUU~?!”

A long pause followed.

My heart was still beating against my ribs, the stomach butterflies were having a field day, and for some reason, no one was talking.

Okay. I know we’re not ones to talk, but. Hisako raised her head from her knees to glare out at the world. Despite her limited vantage point. Someone. TALK. Silence. Sucks.

I slowly opened my eyes.

Otoha had apparently turned white, brown eyes wide as their jaw clenched. Kei was equally perplexed, glancing between Otoha and I before shrugging helplessly. “We forgot to tell Tomo-chan, didn’t we, Os?”

“Eh…yeeah.” Otoha said slowly. I was not expecting them to chuckle nervously when turning back to meet my stare, and I couldn’t help but feel like I had done something wrong when hearing it. “Hehehe…yeah, Tomo-chan, I work for creepy snake guy.”

It was such a simple sentence, but it was enough to set something off.

Hisako, naturally, blew up first. Because of course. Inner darkness, people. THE FUCK?!

Outwardly, I held my tongue, took another really deep breath, and clenched my hands. Kuroha-san was nervous. They sounded guilty. I couldn’t panic. “…Creepy snake guy?”

“Creepy snake guy,” Otoha repeated, laughing again. It was still a nervous laugh. “Hehehe…oops?”   

“OOPS” DOES NOT HELP ANYTHING.

I took another breath. Hisako wasn’t helping either, but yelling something wouldn’t help the sudden weight residing in my heart. There were so many questions flooding my head, but what left my mouth instead was a quiet, “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Otoha inclined their head, and the confusion was obvious in their voice. “Oh yeah, Tomo-chan, I’m mostly safe. I mean, I’m taking shifts at the hospital and now I’ve got you. He can’t disappear me without questions. And being his lab assistant means I’m right in the spot to take him down.”

“Th-That’s not what I meant!” I didn’t even mean to yell, especially considering the fact that Otoha and Kei both had flinched, but something had snapped in me, and I was left helpless in riding whatever emotional wave it had. “You’re…you’re…” I hung my head. “You’re…”

You’re putting yourself at risk. And I have to hear about this just after we got to meet up? You’re risking your life?

You’re risking dying again?

Hisako was already getting up from her previous fetal position in the library to reach out towards me, a solemn look on her face. She already knew. She already saw where Vy’s old memories ended. There was too much red. Tomoko-chan—

Kei was faster than my Nobody in scooting over to sit near me, a hand already resting over both of mine. I didn’t even realize my hands were starting to shake until she was steadying them with hers. “Tomo. It’s okay.”

Snot was starting to come up to my nose as the doubt took a seat in my heart to fester like the darkness it was. Goddammit. The memory had to influence me again. “I-Is it? It’s fucking Orochimaru, Kei. An Orochimaru who got away with abusing his only son in Canon. An Orochimaru who got away with countless murders and child abuse and Hokage Naruto didn’t put him to justice. Hokage Naruto didn’t do anything to him.” The urge to cry was strong, but I didn’t want to break down now. The emotion wave couldn’t take me yet. It couldn’t. “A-And, Kuroha-san…” My voice stalled, no thanks to the sudden lump surfacing in my throat. “I just met you again, and hearing that—”

My breath was already starting to shake, but I choked out because they needed to hear it. From me. “I-I…I don’t want you to die.”

There was only a single second of silence before I could pick up the sound of someone scooting over. A hand landed on top of my head, and I looked up only to see Otoha smile. “Eh, no worries, not even death can kill me.” I could vaguely register that same hand start to pat my hair, and even when the tears were starting to bubble up in the corners of my vision, Otoha was still smiling. “I’ll be fine, Tomo-chan.”

When glancing to the side, Kei only shot me a small smile, nodding her head encouragingly. It was obvious she shared the same sentiment.

Trust them, Tomoko-chan. Hisako was already hugging me. Trust them.

I could’ve taken it. I could’ve. Instead, what left my mouth was a tiny and squeaky, “Really? How—How do you know that?”

I could’ve taken it if not for the fact that Ty said the same thing, and their influence still hurt. If not for the fact that I — that Vy — tried to help him, and he didn’t accept it. That he still called me out for being too naive. Too ignorant.

Otoha frowned, letting out what sounded like the hum of a troubled dinosaur as their hand stilled on my head. I wasn’t expecting the frown to suddenly turn upside down. “Hey,” their hand started patting my head again, smoothing some stray hairs back into place. “I got you and Kei, right? We can handle anything.”

My heart skipped a beat. When I glanced to the side, Kei only smirked, nodding again. “We’re all together, Tomo-chan. We’re not alone. We can do this.”

Hisako only closed her eyes, stepping back to look up at the library ceiling with a resigned smile. Water was already pooling at her sneakers. Three, two, one…

The first tear slid down my cheek. “K-Keiiiiii, Otohaaaaaa…” my voice cracked. “You—you two are such—” A smile was creeping up my face as I reached up to wipe at my eyes, the beginnings of a laugh echoing in my throat. “You two are such cheesy dorks. And you’re the ninja…” The first sniffle finally slipped through.

These two were the ninja, and they weren’t pessimistic.

They were actually optimistic. They actually believed in something better.

They weren’t Ty.

They felt like Leo and Josh. The same warmth, the same confident reassurances.

They were my friends.

I could finally take that.

Even with the water starting to flood the library like a sudden rainfall, Hisako only shrugged with a fond smile. We’re lucky, huh, Tomoko-chan?

I didn’t even have to look up to know Kei and Otoha were exchanging another look before I could only see past their shoulders. I somehow activated the Quick-Play Magic Card: Sudden Group Hug. Aaaaaah. “You don’t have to worry, Tomo-chan.” Kei’s voice echoed above my head, and the tight grip on my shoulders was enough for me to know that those hands were hers. “We can do this. There’s no need to cry.”

“I-I can’t help but cry, okay?” was the protesting squeak, but I couldn’t deny I was hugging them both back just as hard if not more so. “You two are my reincarnation buddies, and I want to see the future with you! A-And just when I worry, you two say something like that, and now I feel so happy, even though I know I should be worried about the Creepy Snake Guy…!”

Hisako bit back a barking laugh. Avatar reference a no go?

Then the lightbulb went off. “O-Or should I just call him, ‘Creepy Spooky Slimy Snake Guy’?”

Otoha let out a soft and happy crow-noise as the hand on my head started to brush through my hair. If I didn’t know any better, it resembled a triumphant laugh from how sudden it was. “Tomo-chan, I’m the lab assistant, let me worry about the Creepy Snake Guy. That’s easier.”

Even without the space to look up, I could already tell Kei was rolling her eyes. “Creepy Snake Guy. That works.” There was a small pause before the arm around my shoulders squeezed softly. “I think we should leave the music to Tomo-chan and not the names, huh, Os?”

“Hey…”

Otoha laughed again. “Vy Vy’s better at music.”

Now the tears were fading for a pout. Gosh darn it, these ninja. I could never be depressed around them, huh. “So,” I tried not to grumble, “does that mean I have to be the Nurse Joy of the group?”

Another small pause, then Kei was chuckling above my head. “I think Kairi is better.”

Otoha squawked like a pterodactyl. “Why not Al? Or Winry?”

Kei’s hand on my shoulder loosened. “That works too.”

Did they just start bringing on more references? The water in the library was already starting to reach Hisako’s knees, but she apparently didn’t seem to care judging by the proud grin on her face. Yes.

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by my Nobody pulling out a vacuum of all things. Time to clean up! was the loud bellow. Water, be nice, and they’ll be no blood spilled.

It was best to ignore her pushing the power button.

Instead, I found myself laughing before sitting up in the group hug and squeezing Kei and Otoha both.

“Tomo?”

Another squawk. “Tomo-chan?”

“Just, thank you,” I said honestly, holding back happy tears. “Thank you both, so much. For believing. And for—” the name was like sawdust on my tongue, but I still said it anyways because I needed to let go. I needed to vent at one point. “For not being Ty.”

Kei exhaled shakily in what sounded like clear understanding, just as Otoha’s hand on my head stilled, another dinosaur trill soft in the air. “No problem, Tomo-chan,” they added quietly, hand patting my head all over again. “No problem.”

I couldn’t help the last small happy tear. I didn’t deserve these two, yet they were here. They were here, in the Group Hug, and my heart and mind were finally in agreement about something.

They weren’t going to leave.

The tear fell quickly to the floor tile as the Group Hug didn’t let up for a while.

Snake Man was going to see a painful death, and at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if these two ninja were the ones I would have to thank for it.

I had more than enough to thank them for already.

[eating-rocks]

all of them (or as many as you wanna do)

I’m really tierd so the spelling is probs crap

Ask Away

1. What is you middle name?Sofie Elisabet

2. How old are you?19.5 years

3. When is your birthday?March 24th

4. What is your zodiac sign?Aries

5. What is your favorite color?Pink, orange, green

6. What’s your lucky number?7

7. Do you have any pets?Two cats

8. Where are you from?La suecia

9. How tall are you?162cm /5´3″

10. What shoe size are you?Heels-EU: 37 UK:4 US: 6 ½Normal shoes- EU:38-39 UK:5-6 US: 7 ½-8 ½

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?Like, 5

12. What was your last dream about?No fuckning clue, my dreams are weird. 

13. What talents do you have?Idk. I can cook….and I’m sort of good at art. Well, there’s the beading, of course. Uhhh, that’s about it14. Are you psychic in any way?Don’t belive in that kind of thing15. Favorite song?Non atm16. Favorite movie?Fantastic beasts…. prehaps17. Who would be your ideal partner?Someone who doesn’t get annoyed when I’m being weird or when I’m having a trust issue episode. And they also need to get sarcasm and like puns18. Do you want children?Nope, and I can’t have them anyway19. Do you want a church wedding?Yes20. Are you religious?Very21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Like, 20 times in the past 2 years22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?No, I’m a good girl23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Youtubers only. 24. Baths or showers?Shower first to get clean, bath afterwards to relax25. What color socks are you wearing?One black and one grey26. Have you ever been famous?Lol, fuck no27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?No28. What type of music do you like?All29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?Yes30. How many pillows do you sleep with?1+Sana31. What position do you usually sleep in?Geko 32. How big is your house?Me and moms appartment is 107m^2 and has 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms+a 100m^2 yard with a glass porch. I’t pretty nice, but has too much hallway

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?I have the same smoothie every morning34. Have you ever fired a gun?No (I’m so tired I read finger gun at first)35. Have you ever tried archery?No but I want to, there’s an outdoor archery range about 500m from my house 36. Favorite clean word?uh, idk37. Favorite swear word?Fuck38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?~36h39. Do you have any scars?Tons of small ones40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?No, not that I know of41. Are you a good liar?Probably not42. Are you a good judge of character?Not sure43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?Nupe44. Do you have a strong accent?I don’t think so45. What is your favorite accent?Don’t have one46. What is your personality type?Idk. me??47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?A harry potty hoodie from wb studio in london48. Can you curl your tongue?Yes49. Are you an innie or an outie?Very innie, it’s almost gross50. Left or right handed?Both. I hold a pen with my right hand, though51. Are you scared of spiders?Fucking terrified

52. Favorite food?Sushi without raw fish53. Favorite foreign food?Same, I guess. Sushi counts as foreign, right54. Are you a clean or messy person?Both. I’m clean, but I’m also constatly exhausted55. Most used phrased?“Fuck you“ probably 56. Most used word?Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?about 10 minutes58. Do you have much of an ego?No, I don’t think so59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Bite. I’m gay, I don’t suck on things60. Do you talk to yourself?Yea, all the time61. Do you sing to yourself?No62. Are you a good singer?I’m terrible63. Biggest Fear?Being dead. I don’t fear dying, I fear leaving loved ones64. Are you a gossip?No65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?Dunno66. Do you like long or short hair?Both67. Can you name all 50 states of America?Lol, nope68. Favorite school subject?English69. Extrovert or Introvert?Wallflower 70. Have you ever been scuba diving?No71. What makes you nervous?Life72. Are you scared of the dark?Yes73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?Depends on if the mistake has consequences or if it’s just a slip up74. Are you ticklish?YES!! I WILL kick your teeth out if you tickel me, though75. Have you ever started a rumor?No76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?Not really77. Have you ever drank underage?Ish78. Have you ever done drugs?Does prescribed one counts 79. Who was your first real crush?Don’t remember80. How many piercings do you have?0

81. Can you roll your Rs?“Yesh82. How fast can you type?p fast

83. How fast can you run?Not that fast

84. What color is your hair?Purple85. What color is your eyes?All of them86. What are you allergic to?pollen, gluten and lactose87. Do you keep a journal?No

88. What do your parents do?Mom’s a potter and I don’t want to talk about my dad

89. Do you like your age?No, make me tiny again90. What makes you angry?I AM A SMOL GURL FUELD BY RAGE 91. Do you like your own name?yes

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I’ve thought of fur-baby (pets) names. 

Female dog: KeelahMale dog: LomerrynBrown poodle: Makkachin or VicchanOrange cat: Nugget or pumpkinRagdoll: PotyaNorse forrest cat: YuuriBengal: Yurio

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? don’t want kids

94. What are you strengths?idk

95. What are your weaknesses?Everything

96. How did you get your name?It’s the name of my maternal great grandmother97. Were your ancestors royalty?Hell nah98. Do you have any scars?I’ve answer this already99. Color of your bedspread?White-ish100. Color of your room?white

TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI

1: What are you wearing?Socks, panties and a sleeping mask

2: Ever been in love?Yes3: Ever had a terrible breakup?Hell yeah4: How tall are you?162 cm5: How much do you weigh?~85 kg6: Any tattoos do you want?The deathy hallow symbol, a picure of my cat, some bible verses, ps3 controller, amongst other things7: Any piercings that you want?Septum, navel, snake bites and full ear8: OTP?Viktuuri, otayuri and adoribull9: Favorite Show?none atm10: Favorite bands?none11: Something you miss?Not being stressed out12: Favorite song?None13: How old are you?1914: Zodiac sign?Aries15: Hair Color?Purple16: Favorite Quote?”Back in the day they use to say you will not get far, but now today my insta page looking like post cards”17: Favorite singer?None18: Favorite color?Pink, orange, green19: Loud music or soft?Both20: Where do you go when you’re sad?Tumblr21: How long does it take you to shower?5-10 minutes22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?10-15 min23: Ever been in a physical fight?No24: Turn on?Raspy voice25: Turn off?Braging about dick size/experience in bed26: The reason I joined Tumblr?”Lol, why the fuck not”27: Fears?Insects, hights, death, darkness28: Last thing that made you cry?Life

29: Last time you cried?A few days ago30: Meaning behind your urlMe name and birth year31: Last book you read?Hamlet32: Last song you listened to?Tempeture-Sean Paul33: Last show you watched?Modern Family34: Last person you talked to?Mom35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?Childhood friend36: Favorite food?Sushi37: Place you want to visit?Non38: Last place you were?Home???39: Do you have a crush?Ish40: Last time you kissed someone?10+ years ago41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?Don’t remeber42: What color underwear are you wearing?stripie white ones43: What color shirt are you wearing?Non44: What color bottoms are you wearing?non45: Wearing any bracelets?nope46: Last sport you played?Uh…..47: Last song you sang?Dunno, don’t sing much48: Last prank call you remember doing?Haven’t really prank called

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?A few weeks ago50: Favorite movie?Fantastic beasts

[losille2000]

Home, Chapter 16

TITLE: Home CHAPTER NUMBER: 16/? AUTHOR: Losille2000 WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor!Tom GENRE: Romance/Drama FIC SUMMARY: Tom returns home grouchy and exhausted from a cramped flight after four months on the road for work. Unfortunately, there’s already someone sleeping in his bed. RATING: M (sex, language) WARNINGS:  None. AUTHORS NOTES: What is this? Oh yes, it’s another chapter of Home. There are some issues in this chapter that tread into the murky issue that has plagued the fandom since Summer 2016. The views and how I’ve fictionalized them are not meant to disparage anyone. Thank you all so, so much for your support! Enjoy!

Previous Chapter - Also available on Archive of Our Own!

Chapter 16

 The grocery store was a scene of chaos. Okay, maybe not end-of-the-world apocalyptic food-stealing chaos, but the Saturday shoppers were out in force. And someone must have recognized Tom, despite his sunglasses and baseball cap disguise.

 Marigold found him immersed in a group of people snapping photos with their phones and begging for autographs. Despite his casual easiness talking to them, she immediately noticed his discomfort. He held his shoulders back and wide, stiff with tension that moved up jaw and pulled the little muscles near his ear. If he pressed his lips into a terser line, then they’d disappear. There were also furtive glances around, looking for a suitable excuse to rid himself of the curious looky-loos. Like a caged tiger, he paced the front of his too small habitat searching for an escape.

 She took pity on him, surrounded as he was. She knew he could handle himself, but that wasn’t any excuse to bombard a man just trying to do his grocery shopping. She also felt bad about dragging him all the way to one of the largest squares near the university on a weekend, where she should have realized there were bound to be a ton of people out and about doing their errands. It was this reason that propelled her into helping him.

 Sucking in a breath, she waded into the fray, weaving through the crowd until she made it to the front of the line. A woman was just leaving his embrace after a selfie, so Marigold took it as her opportunity to swoop in and wrap an arm around his, entwining her fingers with his. There were upset tuts from a few people, obviously thinking she had cut in line, but she smiled as sweetly as possible and looked up at a speechless Tom.

 “Sorry ladies,” she said, laying her sweetness on thick. “We really need to get our shopping done and head home.”

 He blinked rapidly, as though trying to comprehend that she was really there. He lifted their entwined hands and looped his arm around her back so that her arm crossed her front. He didn’t make any attempt to release his grasp and instead pulled her hard against his side—hard enough that she lost her breath for a moment—and slipped their hands further down to her hip. The position locked her firmly in place; it was intimate and too close, her breathing suddenly coming in shallow puffs.  She swallowed and glanced up at him again. Where was he going with this, beyond acting out an extreme possessiveness to ward off the group of people staring back at them?

 “All we need to do is stop at the butcher,” he said softly, to her alone. Then why had he been so insistent on her finishing up at Cora’s to come help him? Had he known what this scene was going to turn into? Had he needed an excuse?

 “Perfect,” Marigold smiled, turning to the crowd. Some had already filtered away. A few ardent fans backed up a foot or two, but shot her death glares. “I’m so sorry. We’re just on a time crunch.”

 Tom finally stepped into the conversation. “Thank you, all of you. But she’s right. I’m so sorry I couldn’t meet everyone individually.”

 Titters of acceptance filtered amongst them. Marigold thought it was funny how it was okay for him to turn them down, but a person he was with had no standing in their eyes whatsoever. She already suspected she’d be public enemy number one by the end of the weekend, at least on the internet, since she’d been spotted with an Internet Boyfriend. She’d deal with it though, because he had looked truly upset by the attention—something she had not, up to this point, ever seen from him in press images. Something was wrong. It didn’t take any extra power to intuit that; all she needed to know was how he was crushing her to his side.

 “Let’s go,” she finally squeaked, moving again to turn around toward the trolley that he’d pushed behind him.  Tom let go of her and they walked side by side to the butcher where he quickly selected the meat required for their dinner, but he didn’t say anything else to her directly.

 He didn’t speak much at all, actually, except for when they argued about paying at the till. He won quickly by employing his long arms and making it to the credit card reader before she did. Then he didn’t speak as they loaded the bags into the back of his Jaguar. Marigold watched as he folded further into his thoughts and waited. Waited for him to talk about, to smile again, something. 

But he didn’t.

 She sighed and stretched out in the passenger seat once they were out of Cambridge. It was painful to see him so morose about something she thought he relished. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 He coughed. “Not particularly.”

 “Too bad.”

 “Leave it alone, Ree,” he warned.

 “I’ve never seen you like that.”

 Tom glanced at her. “You haven’t been around me for very long.”

 “You were upset.”

 “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

 Marigold refused to take no for an answer. “Sometimes it helps to talk instead of bottling it up and letting it eat away at you.”

 The scowl he turned toward the windshield would have withered a flower.

 “I think I deserve to know a little bit about what happened back there if I’m going to have to deal with the fallout of the attention,” she said.

 His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. Then he loosened them, before tightening them again. The muscle in his jaw ticked. “I love my fans. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just a little… overwrought… with all the attention. Sometimes all I want is to go to the shop and pick up some groceries. Not put on the Tom the Actor song and dance.”

 “I totally get that,” she said.

 He looked her way. “How could you possibly understand?”

 “One of the reasons I decided to leave New York was to get out from under the thumb of my dad’s side of the family,” she said, picking at lint on her jeans. “I always had to put on this goody two-shoes bit whenever I was around them. Any sign of weakness and they smelled the blood in the water.”

 Tom pressed his lips together. “Did they, uh, know about…”

 “I couldn’t talk about it. They’re super Christian,” she said. “Not like the horrible bigoted Christians you’re thinking of—I mean, one of my cousins is gay and they’re okay with it. But you bring up magic and I’m suddenly in league with Lucifer himself.”

 Tom was silent, considering what she’d told him. She knew it was two totally different situations—his life invaded by people he couldn’t do his job without, her with a loving but close-minded family. But there was a familiarity in what he told her that rang true for her.

 Marigold shrugged. “I know it’s not exactly the same, but we’re both tired of the same shit. We just want to be ourselves, right?”

 He nodded. “Right.”

 “Without having to worry about what anyone thinks of us.”

 “Yes.”

 “Well, congratulations, Tom. We finally have something in common,” she replied.

 That drew a lighthearted laugh from him.

 Marigold grinned. It was nice to hear him laugh again. “You don’t have to answer me, but does this all stem from what happened over the summer and the fallout?”

 His shoulders stiffened. He cleared his throat. “Sometimes I feel like you read my mind.”

 “It’s because I do.”

 “You said nothing about telepathy.”

 Marigold chuckled. “Okay, maybe I don’t read minds. I’m just good at reading people.”

 “Yes,” he answered her original question, simply. “And no. It didn’t start this summer, but it did come to a head. It really hit me that I wasn’t me any longer. I was—am—the public’s commodity, traded in paparazzi images and vicious tabloid stories. Everything spun out of control when I realized I couldn’t just have a random fling, especially not with someone who likes to use people like she does. I thought I could, but I learned quickly I couldn’t. Do you know people try to track her private jets? People track my whereabouts using Twitter mentions, and paparazzi try to catch me in the most unflattering times and I … it’s oppressive. You know? And then you start overthinking things like what you’ve said and done in public to make people hate you so much and it all spirals from there.”

 “I get it,” she said. “I do. But some of that comes with the territory of what you do.”

 Tom agreed. “Playing with and meeting my fans is wonderful, but all that compounded too rapidly and I wasn’t prepared. I have some time off now and I thought that sequestering myself away in my house would help me rebuild what privacy I’d lost—but I, uh, realized it’s not that easy.”

 Well, at least that explained away some of the rotten mood when he found her sleeping in his bed. It even made her less judgmental about his reaction to the subsequent time she happened across him at the café in Hampstead—of course, he would think it was an unwelcome intrusion. Like she had purposely engineered excuses to interrupt his self-imposed exile.

 “Are you lonely?” she asked.

 He seemed startled at her question, but she noticed something sad cross his eyes. He deflected from his own emotion. “Why do you ask that?”

 Marigold shrugged. “It just seems like it’s lonely at the top.”

 “Even though you have everyone around you and about you? Yeah, it’s bloody lonely,” he admitted. “Are you lonely?”

 “Ha. Yes. Think about it. I moved to a different continent, to a cottage in the middle of nowhere with the intent of being one of those witches you read about in storybooks. I was convinced no one got me or would ever get me, but I’m realizing that’s not the case and that locking myself away in my ivory tower was never going to help me.”

 Tom was silent for a long time, scratching his beard thoughtfully. Finally, he turned to look at her. “So you were, in essence, building your own prison cell, huh? That’s pretty twisted.”

 “Yeah, well, your prison cell is your ego,” she teased.

 “Maybe so.” Tom finally sighed and relaxed back into his seat. “Maybe I’ll never get back to what it was like before, like Pandora’s box. It’s all out and wreaked its havoc and there’s no way my world will ever be the same even if I try to stuff it all back in.”

 Marigold nodded and reached out to pat his arm in sympathy. “Yes, but there’s also hope in that box, right?”

 A weird smile of appreciation stretched his features. “Do you know how nice it is to talk to someone who understands my references?”

 “Lots of people get your references, Tom,” she said, though satisfaction rippled through her body. After her meeting with Cora, she knew why it was easier for her, maybe, to understand him. Marigold simply didn’t realize it would materialize in something as simple as this. Or that he’d be able to notice it with the spell still in place. Perhaps Cora was right—the spell was like Swiss cheese and hanging on by the barest of threads.

 “Well, yeah, but I’m used to explaining myself all the time,” he said. “It’s nice to not have to qualify comments with tons of information.”

 “And here I thought you just liked being a know-it-all,” she teased again.

 Tom scoffed. “Okay, when a reporter stares back at you blankly after you give an answer to their question, we’ll see how much you can resist the urge to elucidate.”

 Marigold laughed and looked out her side window. After a while, she drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. “Just remember that time heals all wounds.”

 More than he knew, apparently.

 “Or I need to learn to live with the new normal,” he replied. “Can we talk about something else now? I’m done being broody.”

 She shrugged. “What do you want to talk about?

He glanced again in her direction, nodding at her arms where she held her purse. “How about why you’ve been clutching your purse so tightly to you since we left the cottage earlier.”

 Marigold did not realize she had been so protective of the journal inside the purse, or that he had noticed her preoccupation.  She released her hold and let it lay on her lap. She hadn’t been ready to tell him about the journal entries, especially with a few of the things Violet mentioned, but maybe he didn’t have to know about the last one with the curse and their connection. The other stuff shouldn’t be too bad.

 “It, uh,” she said, reaching inside and pulling out the old journal. “It’s one of Aunt Violet’s journals.”

 He turned down the road that led to the cottage. “Is that why you had to go to the magic shop?”

 She nodded. “I was looking for guidance, and it turned out that the witch there is someone who was friends with Violet and my grandmother.”

 “Guidance about what?”

 “You.”

 He frowned. “You were talking about me with another witch.”

 She still didn’t like the way he said the word witch. The tone was still a little incredulous, despite all that he’d witnessed this morning. Frankly, it wouldn’t have been difficult for him to substitute a letter and finish the distasteful intention of his tone.

 They pulled to a stop in front of the house and Marigold extracted the picture she’d used as a bookmark and handed it over to him. Then she watched him for any sign of emotion. He looked at the picture clinically, coolly detached, then he blinked.

 “That’s me,” he said, his voice wavering with barely contained emotion. He ran the pads of his fingers over the glossy photo as though he could feel himself sitting there, or as though there were the barest tinges of memory waking up within his mind.

 “Yes,” she said. “With my grandmother and aunt. Violet is on the right, Rose on the left.”

 “They were identical.”

 She nodded. “Yes.”

 “You look like them,” he said in wonder. “Their eyes have nothing on yours, though.”

 Marigold wanted to ask where the hell that came from, but she was too dumbfounded to say anything. Had he really said it, or was it her imagination? What had possessed him?

 He flipped the picture over and read the words. “Am I mentioned in the journal?”

 She bit her bottom lip and handed over the open book. He read the first entry about the day Violet and Rose went to the hospital to help him, all the while his face remaining inscrutable.  When he finished the passage, he shut the cover with a snap and handed it back to her, seemingly content with what he read. He stared out the windshield for the longest time, physical and metaphorical clouds passing shadows across his face.

 An afternoon thunderstorm had gathered in the distance, gaining speed and darkening the sky. Jagged lightning streaks touched the ground in silent flickers, quiet rolling rumbles reaching them ten seconds later.

 “We should probably get inside with the groceries before the storm makes it over here,” she said, reaching for the door handle.

 His hand shot out and grabbed her arm, the suddenness of the movement and the shocks passing between them stilling her in her spot. Marigold looked over her shoulder at him, but still he said nothing.

 “What?” she finally asked, softly, just above another rumble of thunder.

 “My father… when I decided to be an actor... we’d go round and round about me making something of myself.” If his voice were a physical thing, it would have been a knife stabbing her heart. “To be my own man. He hated what I wanted to do. But I was convinced, and to prove him wrong, I’ve tried my best to be the best. To work hard. And to give back, knowing my good fortune.”

 Marigold nodded.

 “He’s come around, obviously,” Tom said. “But this—the way it’s written in there. Was he so adamant about it because of them? Because he was convinced they saved me, and I had to show something for it? What if this isn’t enough? What if I’m not—”

 She set a hand on top of his, squeezing his fingers. “Stop. That’s not what Violet means.”

 “How do you know?”

 “Because I knew Violet,” she said. Not as well as she thought, but she still knew her better than most. “This self-sabotage is playing into what happened at the grocery store. You are enough, Tom. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

 He sucked in a deep breath, turning in his seat to fully face her. “You’re too good to me after how I’ve treated you. If all this is true, if there’s really such a thing as magic, your grandmother died because of me. You should hate me, but you’re here holding my hand, convincing me I’m not a waste. I don’t deserve it.”

 Marigold snatched her hand away and lightly smacked his shoulder. She chuckled, trying to deflect her emotion and the tears prickling her eyes. “Oh my god, are actors always this melodramatic?”

 Tom shifted away from her. “Excuse me?”

 “You know what Violet would tell you right now?” she asked. “She’d tell you to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. The last thing either of them would want is for you to wallow around like this. What Violet means about making something of yourself is that you need to live your life. That you smile and laugh and love. Stop caring so much about what others think about you or making some grand mark on the world. Even a tiny drop in the ocean causes a million ripples.”

 “You make it all sound so easy.”

 She laughed and pushed open her door. “I know it’s not. Believe me. You can’t change the past, but you can affect the future, so concentrate on that.”

 Tom got out of the car, shutting the door behind him. “Then that’s a whole other worry. What does the future have in store for me, anyway?”

 “How about we start by getting the groceries inside before the storm arrives,” she said. “And then I’m going to bake cookies for later, and you’re going to make us dinner. How does that sound for the future?”

 He pursed his lips, eyes narrowing as he considered her words. “It sounds like heaven.”

 Marigold rolled her eyes. “Apparently, I’m not holding up my end of the bargain. I promised you hell this weekend.”

 “You know,” he said, reaching into the backseat for the bags of groceries, “I’ve never really considered just how thin the line is between heaven and hell until just now.”

 “No kidding.”

 They walked to the front door together and she let them in the cottage. Tom turned to her before he left for the kitchen. “But don’t worry. The day is young. I’m sure you’ll think of something to make me suffer.”

 That sounded like a challenge and, Marigold thought, she was never one to back down from a challenge. He was going to live to regret those words. Oh yes, he was.

[comical-thoughts-blog]

Nick Spencer - A rational response

Comic fans are absolutely crazy – there’s a side for everything. The last big bust up was with the right moaning about diversity, representation and counting the number of queer characters on a team. Well, why should the right get all the fun? Now it’s the lefts’ turn to party!

Misleadingly brown haired and not-blue-eyed Nick Griffin Spencer, has gotten his fascism facilitating fists upon the Sentinel of Liberty, and thanks to some clever MacGuffin, Captain America is now a Nazi, or at least, a Nazi sympathiser. Cue clutched pearls, audible gasps, and Helen Lovejoy’s catchphrase.

The main objections to the current Cap-as-Nazi premise seem to centre around two points -

Nick Spencer doesn’t think we should punch Nazis

It’s irresponsible to publish a story like this during the current American political climate

We’re already getting into some murky waters regarding the interplay between reality and fiction, writer & story. Not to mention there’s a whole can of literary and philosophical questions posed - should fiction reflect reality? Should it provide escapism? Hope in time of need? Should it protect us from the cold, harsh realities of the world around us? A question without a definitive answer is not a problem, for a problem without a solution is not a problem, it is reality.  And the reality is thus – some people think this story shouldn’t be published, some are really enjoying the read. So naturally the story shouldn’t be published and the rest of us should suffer.

So, to the first point – Nick Spencer and his path of non-violent resistance, or just not wanting to punch someone because they don’t agree with what they’re saying. There’s a slight irony to the writer of Captain America, supporting free speech,  being met with vicious online abuse, calls to be sacked, and death threats, by the people who are so appalled at Steve Roger’s sudden abandonment of his core motivations.

Plenty of people adopt a position of non-violence,  that’s fine. Not punching someone is really not the same as agreeing with what they say, or facilitating their speech. Was Gandhi facilitating British fascism? (And no, you dumb fuck, I’m not comparing Nick Spencer to Gandhi, I can practice playing the piano, but Oscar Peterson I ain’t) And just as a little aside – ideas can’t be punched away, you aren’t winning any position by shutting down what opposition has to say. Any ideas suppressed through violence will eventually emerge through violence. Get your shit together and start improving your rhetoric – that’s the real problem. The left is shit with winning hearts & minds – not hard to believe given the call for banning, sacking, and suspension of everything they don’t agree with.

The other point, the sheer irresponsibility of Marvel publishing a story about their top Nazi-smasher becoming the best goose-stepper this side of 1945; when guys, there are actual Nazis in the White House. How dare they! At a time when the Office of President of the United States, the representation of all that’s good about America, has fallen into perversion, Captain America, another representation of all that’s good about America, has been perverted. Of course, we don’t actually know how the story is going to end, but it probably wont be with Steve Nazi Rogers ruling Earth. (Which somehow makes this even more offensive because it’s just going to be retconned anyway, although it’s not really a retcon if it was never intended to stick in the first place).

People aren’t angry at Nick Spencer, they’re pissed off with one of the most fascist and incapable men holding one of the most powerful offices in the world – and they’re pissed they can do fuck all about it. They are irate, and angry, and let’s face it, offended, because they feel powerless to change the situation they are in – and now the one person who should be there for them, is not. Well, you know what? Tough shit. Captain America is not going to save you from the situation you find yourself, do it yourself. (Isn’t that what America is all about? Pulling up your bootstraps, getting stuck in, and not relying on anyone else? No, I don’t care if you don’t agree with that, but it’s your prevailing culture, otherwise Flint would have clean water and you’d all have universal healthcare)

Marvel don’t owe you hope, and the only responsibility they have is to tell a good story – which those calling for Nick Spencer to be silenced wont allow. But not only do many in America love Secret Empire, many outside do too.  If you can’t tell by now, I’m not American, just one of the few good cards I was fortunate enough to be dealt.

Your hysterical reaction to fucking comic offends me, as a rational human being. I’m not demanding you be silent. (Although I’d ask for you to keep it down, smoke some weed or pop a Xanax – get that blood pressure down!)

In conclusion – guys, calm the fuck down. You’re giving the left of us a bad name, you really are getting on like snowflakes.

PS – As for Magneto as Nazi, is that a bad call if it turns out to be true? Yeah, a holocaust survivor as a Nazi is probably in bad taste, but we haven’t even seen past the first issue yet. We’ve not idea how they will transpire or how the reality warp will change history. As a gay man, Magneto’s holocaust past speaks to me, and I think it was a bad judgement call to change him in such a way, but I’m not going to let my own personal feelings about someone’s story ruin it for everyone else. In the end it’ll just be something I don’t think they did so well.