#yea I know anxiety is the key player here

[apollo-zero-one]

you can't go to the bathroom when you want ? :((

Previously I lived in a house with 1 bathroom and 5 people so it was always occupied or always an ordeal of someone hanging on the door as soon as I was in there- or opening it without knocking if I forgot to lock the door. I could only shower in the middle of the night and even then I risked someone needing to go and, while half of my family members were willing to go while someone is in the shower, I was not and so I would rapidly rinse my hair and wrap up in a towel and flee. Being the only person home was rare but a blessing and the level of freedom I am aspiring to when I finally have my own place.

Currently I live in a house with 1 bathroom, 3 people and 3 dogs. The 3 dogs are the bigger issue here as I don't handle them super well- two are untrained puppies who jump on me and bite me, and while I know it's normal puppy behavior, it's scary and hurts. I don't feel comfortable trying to train someone else's dog and especially not disciplining them, so I just try to ignore the dogs and keep my hands and face away from them. My housemates who own the dogs shout at them when they see them jumping and biting, which... Feels like shouting at me, since it is in my direction and I'm letting it happen. I also don't believe shouting at the dogs in any way helps deter them. The shouting stresses me out at best and triggers me at worst. I'm just trying to get from my room to the bathroom and I am being jumped on, bitten, barked at, and yelled at. ...so you might understand why I have to wait until I am in a sturdy enough mental place before making the trek, or wait until they are sleeping or have gone out somewhere.

So, like, no one is stopping me from going to the bathroom ever, there are just a lot of obstacles and my baseline anxiety sits too high to cope with All That a lot of the time. (I have on occasion resorted to things I am not proud of because I know dealing with the banging or the shouting just isn't something I'm going to be able to handle in the next couple hours)

But I have a plan and I'm working hard and eventually I will have my own place. Soon soon soon I will be able to have a whole little home where I am not hiding from anyone and I can cook whenever I want and shower whenever I want and walk around my home in peace. If all goes according to plan, which it never does but I can hope, 3-6 months. Then I can finally, finally, finally have my own space.

[izukult]

haikyuu boys and icks (pt 2)

requested by the fav @angefleur sorry this literally took me months.

haikyuu boys are just that!! boys!! they are disgusting, i hate them. here they are as / with icks

characters: hinata, kageyama, oikawa, sugawara, yamaguchi, tsukishima, bokuto, akaashi, iwaizumi, matsukawa, hanamaki, kuroo, kenma, tanaka, nishinoya, daichi, atsumu, lev

hinata shoyo; i’m so sorry but he wears tighty whities lol— don’t have much else to say about this, but sometimes if he bends down to pick something up you see them😕

kageyama tobio; awful, awful grammar— i know they don’t speak english and i don’t know the japanese equivalent to this, but he gets you’re/your, too/to/two, they’re/their/there wrong all the time. it’s hideous. “your good” “yea i thought so to” “there stupid lol”

oikawa toru; owns an eat, sleep, game shirt— he doesn’t even actively game, he bought it because “he plays volleyball games”. it’s disgusting and he wears it with pride.

sugawara koushi; talks really tough but cowers away if he’s called out— he’d been too loud for the small store and you both knew it, but he’d told you he simply didn’t care. that was until the store manager came over and he’s awkwardly standing in his place, cheeks heating up as he gets lectured while he stutters out a bunch of apologies, saying he didn’t mean it.

yamaguchi tadashi; “keep your eyes on me”— if someone he cares about is going though like an anxiety attack or anger, he does “the speech”. i don’t think he means to be repulsive, but it is. “guys! i can help them! i can fix them!” no.

tsukishima kei; sighs really loud on purpose— whenever he’s mad and really wants you to know about it, he’s gonna practically scream a breath. if you don’t react the first time, he clears his throat a little and does it louder, his whole upper half moving with it.

bokuto kotaro; gets really angry when you tell him about bad things— you’d just told him a shitty thing you’d gone through and he’s fuming. but not just angry for you— he’s shaking in his boots, face red and hands balled into fists as he starts basically threatening a wall

akaashi keiji; mansplaining everything— oh my fucking god. it doesn’t matter what it is, even if you know it, even if you studied it, even if you have a goddamn phd in it, akaashi is going to tell you how it works as if you don’t know. so annoying.

iwaizumi hajime; orders for you at a restaurant— you don’t ask him to and you don’t even have the chance to say your answer. when your waiter asked if you wanted anything to drink, he immediately said two waters before carrying on with his convo. doesn’t even realized he came off an ass?

matsukawa issei; sends you a bunch of vape tricks— you didn’t ask, you don’t care. but he’s sending you really shitty o’s and banes as if you want it. and he thinks he’s hot shit about it, too.

hanamaki takahiro; shouts names of basketball players to throw away trash— he gears up to do it and makes a big deal about it before he does. if it were america, he’d say kobe as he shoots for the trash can, but then he awkwardly shuffles when he misses, walking over to pick it up and actually throw it away.

kuroo tetsuro; freestyles for you and makes you listen— he gets off the charts bothered if you laugh or show any indication of not liking it. it’s super uncomfortable and you’re both just sitting in his room. you’ve been completely silent for the past nine minutes, while he repeats himself.

kenma kozume; gets embarrassed mad— if someone proves him wrong on something he was actually trying to talk about, he’s coming up with excuses and denying every reason he was ever slightly wrong. will also throw an insult.

tanaka ryunosuke; his camera roll is full of fuck boy selfies— face in his pillow, collarbones in bed, shirtless mirror pics, etc. and posts almost all of them on a private story called “elite baddies🥶🔥” that has literally everyone on his snap

nishinoya yu; can be a huge pick me boy— has definitely sent multiple people “but i’m too ugly for a girl like you🥺🥺” shut your fucking mouth noya, yes you are. it’s not his whole personality because he is pretty confident, but he definitely has his awful moments.

daichi sawamura; sends working out vids— he’s doing push-ups in his room, and in theory you’d thought it would be really attractive. but his form is off, and for an athlete he sure is out of breath and you can tell he’s struggling.

miya atsumu; asks his mom to go somewhere and when she says no he starts crying— he’s full out sobbing at this point, throwing his hands up as he complains about how unfair she’s being. he begs, too, trying to bargain ways to go with extra acts of service.

lev haiba; constantly gets pranked with the placebo effect— his friends will hand him something and tell him it’s alcohol, and he’s wincing at how it burns. thirty minutes later and he’s laughing his ass off, covering his mouth as he goes “guyssss, i’m not drunk” with a slur on his words.

[enden-k]

Hey hi this is... high-key ridiculous of me, but! How? Do? Friends work in genshin? I haven't even co-oped yet, like at all, cus I don't understand the like. The etiquette? Obviously there's a bunch of tiktoks where some Childe main joins worlds to leave partial lyrics and see what happens and thats funny and all but what? Is the done thing here? I'd like to be able to do co-op, my absurd social anxiety aside, cus it seems like a lot of fun but I can't figure out the... rules for lack of a distinctly better term djdjdn not to be cripplingly socially inept but you've got a bunch of friends on genshin and you've shared your uid so people can add you so clearly you know how this works and so like. Oh my god. *pinches the bridge of my nose* this is genuinely the stupidest ask I've ever sent istg.

TLDR: how do friends and co-oping work in genshin cus I am entirely too skittish to find out via trial and error and you seem to know what you're doing djdhsksl

this not a stupid thing to ask, dont worry!! i can understand your question!

ok so basically, in coop/with friends you can:

join low level players and help them with progress/bosses/farming/etc. sometimes you find people in the coop list that literally have "need help with bosses" or anything similar in their signatures so theyre actually hoping for someone to join and help them out! i have a few low level friends and they often ask me for help which is v fun, i really enjoy helping people out

ask friends or join strangers if you need any mats you ran out! my friends ask me whenever they need smth if they can pick that in my world and if i dont need those mats myself, theyre free to pick. obv the other way around too; if i need smth (for example when i needed dandelion seeds back then) i just ask friends or even here. if you join strangers and are in need of mats, its better to ask them first if you can pick those!

farm together with friends! i tend to farm with irl friends or my close friends on here for artifacts/bosses; for me its more fun to do that together, especially if all of you need the same thing (shared pain over a shitty artifact is half the pain, as a saying goes ajsbsb) you can also coop in domains w random people, the game will match you up with whoever needs to run the same domain! ive never tried it (like i said, i usually farm alone or with friends) but yea, thats also an option if youre bored farming alone or need help and wanna play with others

do whatever you want w your friends, like mini concerts or photoshootings AHHA YEP! my best friend and i sometimes do little photoshootings with our ships (since u cant really take pics of two of your characters jasbc); i have really cute pics of our zhongli and childe on the bridge under the tree in the harbor <3 (he often neglects his childe, esp now that he finally got his fav boys together so i guess i need a new childe AKJBCKAJ </3)

jon others and just-- chill and chat? i had a xiao come in my world (they were the first random stranger i ever accepted bc i was also super anxious about ppl joining) and they didnt need anything, they just wanted to chill. turned out they just joined random peoples worlds and asked them about their current fav song (mine was teardrops by bmth, btw HAH i managed to share a song with yall) and turned out we share the same music taste so we ended up running around, fighting a little and chatting about fav songs and art and got super excited over stuff and boom, were friends now HAHAH (it was a really nice first coop w strangers experience for me!) but yea, never did that myself, i guess most people who dont mind/shy away from talking to others enjoy just popping in and have a chat, they just have to find the right people who are up for that i think ahbhjhja

i threw in a few things i do or experienced as some kind of example but yea! there are not really any rules; just talk to people! i think many people tend to kick others if they join their world and then just pick mats or do whatever without even a greeting or asking or anything, which is understandable

also: if it helps, depending on your server we can play together too and you can see how its like? on EU im used to help others and on america i absolutely dont mind getting help with exploration or anything since im so behind with everything and it can get a bit boring lmfao

[whatisthiswritingthing]

Piano Man - Part Two - Lindsey Horan x Reader

Sequel to Piano Man 

“Coffee?” Lindsey questioned unnecessarily as she set a steaming cup in front of Y/N the next morning. 

Y/N contained her grimace, she hated coffee. It was bitter, always tasted burnt to her, and in now way appealed to her. She preferred to tea. But if the midfielder was going to make the effort to bring her coffee, she could drink coffee with breakfast.

 “Thank you, Lindsey, I appreciate it,” Y/N thanked her, forcing herself to take a sip, doing her best to keep her expression blank. She quickly took a bite of her eggs to replace the bitter taste in her mouth. 

“I like coffee too Horan!” Rose called out as the blonde sat down at the table next to Y/N. 

“When you become a piano savant, I’ll bring you coffee,” Lindsey threw back, hedging a glance to Y/N next to her, briefly catching what she thought looksd like a scowl on the younger woman’s face. 

“Would you accept dog connoisseur?” The brunette midfielder asked instead.

“Nope, it’s a pretty specific preference to earn you a coffee delivery,” she winked back at her friend, shifting to look at Y/N, this time seeing the look of disgust as she took a sip. The smile quickly dropped from Horans face, Y/N forced a small smile on her face and took another sip of coffee, “you don’t like coffee, do you?”

 “It’s fine,” Y/N made a point of taking another sip, keeping her eyes cast down as she set the cup back on the table. 

Lindsey reached out and placed a hand on her arm resting on the table. The blonde could feel the forearm muscle flex as Y/N tapped her index finger against the table, “you don’t need to finish it Y/N.” 

“No, I appreciate you bringing me coffee Lindsey,” Y/N repeated, lifting her hand to grab her cup again. 

Lindsey tightened her hand on Y/N’s arm, keeping it in place, “that doesn’t mean you need to finish it,” she reassured her gently.

 “Claimed!” Rose leaned across the table, taking the coffee cup for herself. 

Y/N glanced up to see Rose proudly sipping her new coffee and everyone else rolling their eyes at the brunette, she smiled to herself.

 Lindsey loosened her grip, but began to rub her thumb along Y/N’s arm. “What do you prefer instead of coffee?” She asked softly, like it would be a secret between just them. 

“I like tea instead,” Y/N whispered in return, angling her head to look at Lindsey who was watching her. Seeing Lindsey nod along, Y/N began to tap her fingers again, rolling a few of them on the tabletop. Lindsey soothes her thumb over the popping muscle in her forearm at the motion, the tapping slowly stopping. 

“Eww leaf water?” Sonnett crinkled her nose, reaching over and stealing the stolen coffee from Rose who just scowled and let it happen. Y/N blushed and bit her lip. She knew they were teasing her and were working to include her, it was a new feeling, being so readily accepted, being allowed to share her own opinion without being told it was wrong. 

“Better than your jitter juice,” Y/N said softly, resuming tapping on finger on the table, Lindsey tapping her thumb in time to the flexing muscle.

 “Oh she’s got sass!” Rose laughed, attempting to reach and steal the stolen coffee back from Sonnett, only for the blonde to pull it away and out of her reach. The brunette huffed and leaned back in her chair. 

Y/N pulled her hand off the table, beginning to wring her hands together in her lap. Lindsey let her hand follow, resting it gently on the forearm, continuing to tap a thumb. Y/N gave Lindsey a small smile, the small comfort soothing some of her anxiety sitting with the friends. The midfielders smile grew when she saw the younger woman accepting her touch. 

Conversation flowed at the table, everyone encouraging Y/N to join the conversation who added her comments throughout. The tension left her shoulders the more the group spoke, gentle jabs thrown at each other, smiles all around. Lindsey’s hand never left Y/N, only shifting it slightly to rest on her thigh. 

The rest of the team noticed the dramatic shift in Y/N, she was still quiet and reserved, but she smiled more, attempted to initiate conversation with everyone, she all around seemed more at ease with the group.

 When Y/N slipped out of her hotel room that night, Emily walked out with her this time, all pretence of sneaking gone. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw Lindsey standing in the hallway, awkwardly shuffling her feet on the carpet. Lindsey bit her lip, nerves oozing out of her, Y/N had opened up to the group and let them see her play, but she was worried this was overstepping.

“You coming to hang out with me and Beethoven Linessi?” Sonnett shoved Lindsey forward when she saw Y/N freeze and blush. 

“Uh, yea, if that’s alright,” Horan tentatively replied, glancing at the blushing woman. Y/N clasped her hands together and nodded with a small smile. 

Lindsey’s grin grew and she took confident steps forward to walk alongside the pair. 

They walked the rest of the way in silence and all gently sat on the piano bench, Y/N in the middle. Y/N began playing a simple melody, the other two women watching her nimble fingers glide across the keys. 

“Why did you choose soccer and not piano?” Emily asked as Y/N played the last note. 

Y/N’s fingers froze on the keys before she began another song, “I love piano, outside of soccer, it’s the only place I feel completely relaxed. The only place where my thoughts aren’t racing, and my mind feels like it shuts off. But I despised it so much when I was younger, it took me a long time to embrace it as a good thing,” she began playing again.

Both women nodded along, letting her play with no one saying anything.

“Then when I embraced piano, it still felt like it was too much like conforming to what my parents wanted since it was something they had pushed on me. And I wanted it to continue to be something I kept for myself,” Y/N smoothly transitioned between songs without stopping, Horan and Sonnett not saying anything, it was clear this wasn’t something simple to speak about. “I didn’t even tell my parents I was going to England to play soccer, I told them I was going for an internship at the hospital. I was too much of a coward to say it to their faces,” her fingers hesitated while her voice softened and she bit her lip. 

“You did what you needed do for yourself for the first time,” Lindsey rested a hand on her thigh again while Sonnett began to rub a hand up and down her back.  

“I know that now,” Y/N nodded and continued to play, “I’ve had a hard time accepting it, and I’m slowly getting there, I guess.” 

“There’s no time line you need to follow; you get to make mistakes, you get to learn from your experiences, you get to be you,” Horan tightened her hand on the last word, trying to really drive her words in. 

“She’s right kid, there’s nothing wrong with taking your time to figure it all out,” Sonnett added. 

Y/N glanced back and forth between the two women on either side of her. She didn’t make mistakes, that wasn’t an option. Anything she did had to be right the first time, mediocracy wasn’t allowed.  

“I can’t, uhh,” Y/N’s hands stilled on the keys while she tried to gather her words, “thank you,” she said with a firm nod when she couldn’t think of anything more eloquently to say. “I really can’t thank you enough. No one has ever made the effort to try actually get to know me. I’m pretty introverted, so I come off as arrogant or rude. But I’m not, I just struggle to fit in or know what to say.” Y/N bit her lip, pausing to think about what else to say, if there was anything else she should say.

Horan and Sonnett had already put in so much effort to learn about her, had given her the opportunity to explain her past, they had reassured her with both their actions and words that she could be herself here. 

“Hey! You started the concert without us!” Rose called as the rest of the group joined them in the ballroom. They all came over and leaned against the side piano, Kelley stopped and gave her shoulders a squeeze and dipping a wet finger in Sonnetts ear before laughing and skipping away as Sonnett tried to swat at her. 

Y/N felt the heat on the back of her neck, but it didn’t drift to her cheeks or ears this time. She felt like she belonged with this group, they put her at ease, the teasing was never directed at her, but they included her and encouraged her to participate. The easy comradery amongst them made her want to be more open with them, want to participate in the gentle teasing.

“Alright, Mozart, let’s hear it,” Ash prompted, tapping a key as she walked around. 

Y/N began playing another soft song, everyone quickly quieting and listening to the music. 

“Kel, Y/N went to Stanford too,” Sonnett tried to continue to encourage the group to get to know the younger soccer player. 

“I know!” Kelley lit up, “I followed you guys your last two seasons, back-to-back championships, both undefeated seasons, lowest goals against in NCAA history for men’s or women’s.” 

Now Y/N did feel the blush spread immediately to her ears at the significant praise. 

“Fan girl much Kel?” Ashlyn laughed, everyone else staring at the defender. 

“She’s a defender who broke Stanford’s scoring record! That doesn’t happen!” Kelley defended, motioning her hands to the blushing pianist. 

Y/N brought her hands to her lap, heat now spreading to her chest. Lindsey kept a hand on Y/N’s thigh but leaned away, mouth agape, eyes wide in shock.

Everyone else sharing similar expressions, all amazed at the new information. 

“You did that, and you were pre-med?” Ali asked the blushing defender, the first to recover from hearing how skilled she really was. 

“Uh yea,” Y/N stiffly nodded, taping a few random keys on the piano in front of her, “I graduated suma cum lade.” 

“What? That’s unreal!” Kelley exclaimed, “what was your average?”

“4.0,” she glanced at the defender, at the eye roll she followed up, “99%” she mumbled. 

“She looks so real,” Rose whispered while she leaned forward and poked Y/N’s cheek. 

Lindsey swatted the midfielders hand away for Y/N, “dude you’re like a genius.” Kelley just continued to stare at her, mouth wide open. 

“I guess,” Y/N mumbled, continuing to tap the keys, it slowly turning into a melody, “they, my parents, didn’t approve of me playing soccer, so I needed to make sure I didn’t do anything to cause them to stop me playing.”

“So you broke several different soccer records, all while having an unreal average, in an incredibly hard major, at one of the top schools in the country?” Lindsey listed. 

Y/N shrugged and continued to play, “mediocracy wasn’t an option for me.” Everyone continued to stare at her. 

“Can I be you when I grow up?” Rose stared at her with wide eyes.

“You are so hot,” Lindsey said under her breath, or so she thought, all eyes whipping to her instead. Horan now fidgeted with her fingers, her blush matching Y/N’s. Lindsey had undoubtedly been attracted to the younger woman before, but now her attraction grew tenfold, she wanted to know more about this incredible person. 

“How did you end up playing for Arsenal then?” Sonnett shifted the focus back with a smirk, she knew her best friend would figure it out on her own. 

“They offered me a contract, I knew med school wasn’t what I wanted to do, or at least not yet. It sounds immature and trite, but the more life experience I got, the more I had the urge to do the opposite of what my parents wanted. I didn’t declare for the draft here to keep it a secret but fielded a few from overseas.”

“You are incredible Y/N,” everyone was astounded listening to her story and accomplishments, “one more song and let’s get you to bed kiddo.”

Everyone separated and made their way to their rooms, each pausing to give Y/N a quick hug. 

Lindsey trailed behind Emily and Y/N. Y/N was quiet again, unaware of the look Emily kept giving her best friend, trying to encourage her to speak more to the other defender. 

Talk to her Sonnett mouthed over Y/N’s shoulder, slipping behind the hotel door again, blocking Y/N from entering again. 

Y/N turned back to Lindsey; eyebrows creased in confusion at being locked out of her room again. “Did I say something wrong?” Y/N pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. 

“No, that’s because of me,” Lindsey tried not to roll her eyes, but bit her lip as her nerves started to set in. 

“Because of you?” Y/N tilted her head to the side, Horan smiled at the innocent puppy like expression on her face. 

“Yea, me,” Lindsey started more confidently, “Sonny is being an annoyingly good friend and making me talk to you alone.” 

“Did I do something wrong Lindsey?” Y/N was growing nervous now. 

“No, god no. I, um, just wanted to,” her nerves were returning, she had hoped Y/N would be more aware of where this conversation was going to go, “We have the afternoon off tomorrow, would you like get lunch with me?” 

“Yea of course, should we invite the others? I’ve told you guys so much, I want to know more about you guys too.”  

“Umm, we could invite them if you want, but, uhh, I was kind of hoping it could be just the two of us,” Lindsey rubbed her hand on the back of her neck, “like, um, well like a date.” 

Y/N stood up straighter, eyebrows shooting up, “you want to go out with me?” 

Horan nodded more confidently now, “of course I want to go out with you Y/N.” 

“You want to go out with me?” she repeated, pointing at her own chest. 

Lindsey chuckled and stepped into Y/N’s space, tugging the hand down and holding onto it while reaching for the other, soothingly running her thumbs along the knuckles.  “Yes, I want to go out with you Y/N,” she tugged the smaller woman into a hug, holding her tight, “you can so no, I would never force you do anything you don’t want, but I would really like the chance to take you on a date.” Lindsey pulled away with a gentle kiss to the cheek, like she had the night before. 

“I would, uhh, really like that too Lindsey,” she blushed looking at their still connected hands, “to, go on a date with you,” she glanced up, the pair sharing a soft smile. 

At the click of a door, they both looked to see Sonnett standing there giving them a thumbs up.

“Adorable,” Emily pointed to Lindsey, “I expect to be the maid of honour.” 

[adhd-disaster-willie]

home is wherever you are tonight

summary: Alex and Willie are suffocating beneath their respective parental figures, so, barely 20 and scrambling to just breathe, they leave LA. And they also slow dance.

notes: this was gonna just be a like 800 word fic of them dancing but I have no self control so I ended up with this monstrosity. (also, maybe listen to apple pie by lizzy mcalpine while reading)

word count: 2,600

---

“I been runnin' 'round

Try'na find a place where I can breathe

But me oh my

I found you

Under an april sky

And you feel like

City life, apple pie baked just right

Home is wherever you are tonight”

---

The early morning tastes like coffee and Willie’s breath mints, gentle laughter lingering on his lips. And Alex has never been a morning person, but with the first rays of sun in his eyes and boxes crammed into every empty space in his car, he thinks that maybe he should wake up early more often.

The road seems to stretch endlessly ahead of them, but Alex can’t tell if the tension in his chest is anxiety or anticipation. Willie squeezes his hand in reassurance as he starts the car and they take a deep breath in unison, realizing it’s maybe the first time they’ve ever been able to truly breathe.

They’re several miles down the highway, shoved in between cardboard boxes and the dry August heat; and Alex’s car is cramped and smells of fast food and summer and Willie Willie Willie. Alex adjusts his grip on the steering wheel, mumbling the words to whatever song is playing on the clunky, staticky radio. The whole world seems softer, with the sun dipping just below the horizon, the last dregs of light sticking to the clouds and painting them pink. Alex sighs contentedly, a grin tugging at the ends of his lips. Willie has their hand stuck out the open window, giggling into the rushing air like it’s telling him the whole world’s secrets. And with their other hand gripped in his own, no reason to let go ever, Alex thinks that the secrets of the universe are laid right out on the dashboard for him to hold.

“What’s so funny?” Alex asks, although it’s less of a question and more a reason to hear Willie’s voice.

“We’re running away together,” Willie replies breathlessly. He laughs again, throwing his head back and stretching his arm farther out the window like he’s trying to touch the clouds.

“Well I wouldn’t quite say we’re running- oh okay.” The last part is in response to Willie putting their index finger over Alex’s lips and looking at him like he’s crazy.

“Yes we totally are. Buzzkill.”

Alex huffs, but it doesn’t hold any weight and is laced with a smile. “I’m driving, idiot. Stop- okay move your hand please.”

“Make me.”

“Willie.” Alex’s fixes a stern gaze on him, just long enough to send them into a fit of giggles before he turns back to face the road. It’s several minutes of comfortable, soft silence before Alex sighs in resignation. “I guess you can say we’re running away.”

“Ha!” Willie pumps his fist, narrowly avoiding smashing the ceiling. And really, considering the age of Alex’s rickety car, smashing would probably be the right word.

Alex raises their intertwined hands briefly. “Here’s to running away.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Willie cheers. They crinkle their nose and kiss Alex’s knuckles, hugging their hands to his chest.

“That’s…” Alex shakes off the crimson tint to his cheeks. “You’re not drinking anything.”

“Not yet,” Willie replies, waggling his eyebrows mischievously.

Willie falls asleep with the sun, something that’s baffled Alex for years. The sky is twinkling with stars and the horizon with city lights, and Willie’s curled up around a pillow, their cheek pressed against the window, breath fogging up the glass. Alex shifts slightly to turn down the music, maneuvering around cautiously to reach the knob without letting go of Willie’s hand. He can’t help from humming under his breath, it’s an older Queen song, one Alex remembers listening to with tangled headphones, huddled in the corner of the gym to avoid the atrocity of dodgeball.

“Love of my life…” Alex trails off, mouthing the lyrics. Beside him, Willie stirs slightly, mumbling something incoherent.

“Hmm?” Alex likes having conversations with a mostly asleep Willie, it’s incredibly entertaining.

“Love you more.” Eyes still closed, Willie pats Alex’s cheek and nods decidedly. “Mostest.”

“Is that so?”

“Love of my life!” Willie sings along loud and off-key, voice slurred with sleep. “M gonna love you forever.” They fall back, last bits of consciousness gone, and Alex blinks back surprised tears.

“And ever,” he finishes softly, squeezing Willie’s hand. Forever sounds nice.

The rest of the drive floats by like a spring breeze snaking through a field of long grass. Willie wakes up at some point, eats an ungodly amount of popcorn and screams the lyrics of American Idiot out the window at the bustling city, like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to hear the song. Alex can’t help but laugh loudly when a conservative looking old lady glares at them, utterly scandalized.

“I think you just ruined her night,” Alex quips with mock seriousness.

“As I should!” Willie flops back into the seat, adjusting their tangled seatbelt and looking at Alex with a lopsided grin.

Alex laughs for what’s maybe the millionth time today, and it hits him that this is the most he’s ever involuntarily smiled in a day. It’s half past 8 and he’s settled at the base of a tree with Willie perched on a branch just above his head, rambling on about color theory or something equally as confusing. The drive would’ve taken 4 hours without Willie pulling on Alex’s elbow and squealing for him to stop at everything mildly interesting, but Alex isn’t entirely complaining, even if his back is sore.

It’s odd, to be leaving LA, but Alex thinks that everyone knew he couldn’t stay there his whole life, not with the church on his drive to work and the streets full of too many people that know him too well. And maybe he didn’t like change, but it can’t be that much of a change if Willie is still there with him. Willie grounds him. So do Luke and Reggie and Julie and Flynn, but in a different way. His parents tied him to the floor, his friends root him, let him grow and have a place to come home to at the same time. And Willie? Willie is the ground. He is the soil and the curling grass to Alex’s timid tree. Willie is home, wherever they may be.

“2 miles,” Alex states, pulling gently on Willie’s ankle, letting them know that he wants to look at them. Willie hops down and Alex winces even when they land safe and sound on their feet.

“Why do you do that?” Alex questions huffily, crossing his arms over his chest.

Willie gives a half shrug. “ ‘S fun.”

“For you, maybe.”

“Hmm.” Willie drapes their arms around Alex’s neck, pulling him into into a gentle kiss. Kissing Willie feels like rain after months of drought, sun breaking through a canopy of trees, and Alex is sure that it always will, until they’re old and grey. Alex smiles against his lips, pulls apart and rests his forehead against Willie’s, biting his lip in a soft smile. “C’mon.” He clasps Willie’s hand and sticks it in the pocket of his hoodie, bumping their shoulders together. “Lets go home.”

“Home.” Willie breaks out in a grin that glows like the full moon on a clear night. “Yea.”

---

The apartment complex is wedged in between a suspicious looking butchery and a quaint little antique shop with butterflies painted on the dusty windows that Alex reminds himself to take Julie to at some point, when his friends all inevitably visit in the whirlwind that they are. The pale yellow wall paint is peeling and the stairs are much more wobbly than Alex is comfortable with, but he lets out a breathless, bubbly laugh at the sight of it. His parents aren’t there, nor is Caleb, or any of the things back in LA that were suffocating them both to the point that they booked it, half-broke and with only 2 months of warning.

Alex swings their hands, looking at a very bouncy Willie with his eyes blown wide from excitement. “Hey, we’re home.”

“We’re home!” Willie grabs Alex’s face roughly, fumbling to kiss him with their hands shaking and lips curled up in a giddy beam. They settle for holding him in a crushing hug, swaying them back and forth gleefully.

“You’re excited,” Alex chuckles, brushing at his crumpled hoodie when Willie breaks away.

Willie sticks his tongue out childishly. “So are you, admit it.”

Softening, Alex cups Willie’s cheek and exhales softly. “Of course I am.” He crinkles his nose affectionately as Willie leans up to peck his cheek. “Now-” Alex stacks as many boxes as he can fit in his arms. “Lets do this.”

---

It’s 2am and Alex is completely and utterly exhausted. Half the boxes are open, they unpacked most of it just looking for the air mattress. His record player is resting on the counter, there’s a pile of books in one corner and several trashbags of clothes in another. Willie is sitting crosslegged on the floor trying to work the portable air pump and scowling at the still deflated mattress like it stole his wallet.

“Y’know, you’d think they would provide some sort of instruction book,” Willie says poutingly. They fall back onto the wooden floor with an annoyed sigh.

Alex looks up from where his head is buried in his arms, sitting on the single bar stool they’d managed to fit in the car. “There was an instruction book, speed bump. You threw it out because you claimed that ‘everyone knows how to work an air pump!’”

“But I’m not everyone!” Willie whines. “You should’ve warned me.”

“I… okay.” Alex bows his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Lets blow up the mattress and call it a night, okay?” He lowers himself to the floor, hovering over Willie and tucking a strand of hair behind their ear. “Give me the pump, I’ll figure it out.”

“Hmm.” Willie hauls themself up, yawning loudly. They settle themselves in Alex’s lap, head tucked into his shoulder while Alex wraps his arms around them and fiddles with the mattress.

“M gonna fall sleep here,” Willie mumbles into Alex’s shoulder.

“Yea?”

“Mhm, g’night.” Willie burrows further into Alex, tucking his hands into his hoodie pockets.

Alex exhales, a fond smile tracing his face. He lifts one hand to card his fingers through Willie’s long hair, using the other to blow up the mattress. Willie groans in frustration at the loud noise and Alex has to fight a laugh.

“Alright get up, we have to- Willie.” Willie’s latched himself onto Alex like some sort of leech, pretending to be asleep despite the soft giggling escaping his lips.

“William,” Alex says, snickering. Willie doesn’t budge. “Pretty boy,” Alex tries. That always works.

Willie melts, lifting their head and flushing bright red. “Stop taking advantage of me,” He grumbles as he stands, pulling Alex up with him.

“Stop letting me,” Alex retorts with a teasing chuckle.

But instead of flopping unceremoniously onto the mattress like Alex expects, Willie pads tentatively to the wide window facing the flickering city and lets out a breath of awe. He hugs himself firmly, brushing his thumb over his bicep. Alex approaches them and snakes his arms around their torso, perching his chin on their shoulder and humming in question.

“I’m okay,” Willie answers the unspoken question, nudging Alex’s head lightly. “It’s just overwhelming but like…” he pauses, eyebrow furrowed in thought. “In a good way. It’s a lot, but it’s all good.”

Alex nods in understanding. “Yea, I agree.” He intertwines their fingers, rocking back and forth. “Lots of good.” He presses a kiss to the top of Willie’s head, lingering for a moment to relish in his presence.

“It’s beautiful,” Willie remarks, eyes raking over the bright city lights. It looks so distant and yet so familiar at the same time.

“You’ve seen the city a million times.”

“Ok, but this is a different city,” Willie responds. It’s true. It’s like the same puzzle with all the pieces arranged differently, except for one in the middle that the whole rest of the world revolves around.

Willie wriggles in Alex’s grip and spins around, tossing their arms over his shoulders and fidgeting with the hood of his sweatshirt. “Dance with me,” he says, voice soft and silvery, a whisper of cloud waltzing across the moon. Alex raises a doubtful eyebrow.

“You wanna dance… Willie, we’re exhausted.”

“No, no, no,” Willie shakes his head slowly, eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “Just-” They settle one hand one Alex’s shoulder and the other on his hip. Humming a gentle, lilting tune, they begin swaying side to side, drumming his fingers to a beat only in his head. “Dance with me.” He presses an idle kiss to Alex’s lips, chapped from the wind and laced with fresh apples . “Please.”

Alex hums in consideration, moving Willie’s hands to hold them in his own. “One second.” He ducks out of Willie’s arms, earning a squeak of protest.

Alex has had his record player for years now, Ray gave it to him as a Christmas present when he was 15 and he definitely cried. He’d gone through 3 boxes packing his records and Willie had looked… mildly concerned. But ha, who’s laughing now? The vinyl starts, popping occasionally in the way that makes Alex giggle with joy. Alex steps back proudly, floating back over to Willie and mimicking their previous position, one hand on their hip and the other on their shoulder. Willie smiles fondly at the song choice, Apple Pie by Lizzy Mcalpine, though he knows that nothing else would’ve fit.

“Remember the first time we listened to this song together?” Alex asks as Willie stumbles over his feet.

Willie nods. “Course I do, hotdog. You got sooo blushy.”

Alex shrugs nonchalantly. “Well, you kissed me so it worked out.”

“It did,” Willie whispers.

Alex spins them messily, laughing aloud when they slam into his chest without warning. "Very graceful," he remarks sarcastically.

Willie scrunches his face affectionately, pecking the tip of Alex's nose, singing gently as he draws back. "Home is wherever you are tonight."

It’s a tender moment, until Willie steps on Alex’s foot and snickers an apology. “Oops-”

“Ow, Willie. You don’t know how to slow dance do you?” Alex teases.

“Ok-”

Alex sighs warmly, god sometimes all the feelings were just so big and overwhelming. “Just, c'mere-” He draws Willie closer to him, embracing them like he’s the only thing in the world. And maybe, for the moment, he is. Willie tucks his head into Alex’s shoulder, breathing in his scent, lavender and dust; and Alex follows suit. His eyes flutter shut and he hums contentedly, heart giving a leap at the sheer domesticity of dancing in the empty living room in their pajamas, Willie tracing slow, sleepy circles on his back.

They’re hardly dancing anymore, really, wrapped up in each other like the sea and the shore at high tide, swaying to their synced heartbeats. The unfamiliar walls and creaky floorboards, cold beneath their socked feet, suddenly begin to look like home beneath all the strangeness and Alex can’t help but grin.

Alex’s home is in the crook of Willie’s neck and the light curve of his spine; the scent of rainstorms and cotton holding him close like he’s prone to break. And perhaps one day he will break, fall apart in Willie’s arms. But with the scratchy record humming in the background, and Willie’s body melting into his own, he thinks that their arms would be the best place to fall apart in.

---

art i made :)))

[lovingmyselfcore]

Skate Into My Heart

Chapter Three; Uh oh

BESTIES

I'M ALIVE AND I DID THE WRITING THING

@ciaraloves (or @perseusjackson-jasongrace ig) LOOK AT ME DOING THE THING

As soon as Nico left the locker room, Piper pounced on him. Literally.

He was forced to take a step back and caught her by the shoulders, “What’s up?”

She was practically vibrating with excitement, “Annabeth’s back!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Come on!” She grabbed his hand and yanked him through the hallways and into the main rink where a crowd of people had formed next to the bleachers.

It was the rest of the team and in the center was Annabeth, a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, looking exhausted as all hell but she was grinning as the team peppered her with questions and play-by-plays of the practices she’d missed.

Piper shouldered them into the center so Nico was directly in front of Annabeth, Piper on one side and Calypso on the other.

“Hey, Nico,” Annabeth said, still grinning. She stepped forward for a hug and he let her, burying his face into her neck and breathing, already feeling the responsibility leaking from his tight shoulders. Annabeth was like a big sister to him, not that he’d ever admit that, but still.

“You want to get out?” Nico whispered into her neck.

“Yes,” She whispered back emphatically. Nico could barely stop himself from laughing but as they pulled apart he saw the genuine relief in her eyes and felt himself worrying. He needed to talk to her, about the team and skating, about Will and of course, if she needed to talk about why she’d been gone for so long, he’d do that too.

Apparently, Calypso recognized that too and, bless her heart, muttered something to Leo, and together they captured the team’s attention, allowing Nico to tug Annabeth away from the crowd and out of the rink. She sighed as soon as they were ejected onto the city streets. Nico stuck an arm out and she smiled and linked their arms.

“Where are you headed?” Nico asked as they walked the short distance to the car garage.

“Oh, probably just my apartment.”

Nico nodded, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying with your dad or not.”

She shook her head, “He doesn’t even know I landed yet. I’ll head over in the morning.”

Her voice was stiff and Nico took that as his cue to change the subject. “So I have something to confide in you.”

She perked up almost immediately and he swallowed hard. But she just looked at him with those gray eyes and he reminded himself that this was Annabeth. That she wasn’t going to get angry with him.

At least, he hoped not.

“I’m talking to one of the hockey players,” He said casually.

Her grip on his arm stiffened and he braced himself but she was still just looking at him.

Finally, she grinned, “So when you say ‘talking to’...”

He groaned and felt himself flush, “Oh, shut up! Just friends.”

She hummed and released his arm to dig for her keys in her jacket pocket. “Is he nice?”

“No, he’s a dick,” Nico said sarcastically.

Annabeth rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

“He’s blonde,” Nico offered.

“Oooh,” Annabeth drawled.

He rolled his eyes and she burst out laughing, her voice echoing off the stone walls of the parking garage.

“Is he gay?” Annabeth asked.

Nico nearly flinched and passed it off with another eye roll, “I don’t know, Annie, that’s not something that’s come up in casual conversation.”

She glared at him and Nico, being the mature adult he is, stuck his tongue out at her. She did it back then shook her head. “Too much time with Percy,” She muttered and Nico snorted. She grinned at him.

“So he’s okay?”

That sobered her immediately. “Yeah. Well, as okay as he can be. I’m only here for like two weeks because he insisted I come back, but I’m leaving as soon as possible,” She glanced sideways at him, “Not to leave you alone again, though.”

He shrugged off the flash of selfish hurt he’d felt, “I’m good, Beth.” But he wasn’t good. He’d just told her about Will, and not even the start of the way his stomach would twist when he saw a new text from the hockey player and not the same twist when he panicked. And that also meant his chances of performing solo again were climbing. He didn’t know how to feel about that part.

“Stop that!” She exclaimed, halting once they’d reached her car.

“Get some sleep, Annabeth,” He said genuinely then smirked a little, “It looks like you need it.”

She threw a balled-up receipt she’d found in her bag at him, “Dick!”

~~~~

“Hey, Nico.”

Nico nearly leaped out of his skin, spinning to see Persephone in the living room.

She snorted, “Didn’t mean to scare you, sorry. Did practice go well?”

His phone buzzed in his pocket, “Yeah. Annabeth’s back.”

Persephone hummed, reaching up to untwist her hair, sending it cascading down her shoulders, “That’s good. I know you’ve missed her,” She said with a knowing look in her eyes that made him shift uncomfortably.

“Yeah, definitely, um, I’m tired we learned some new moves for Regionals today, so,”

“Yeah of course.” She was still smiling.

“‘Night Persephone,”

~~~

Nico flopped face-down onto his bed with a groan. He knew Persephone though he had a crush on Annabeth; he didn’t blame her, he’d never really made it a point that he didn’t. He wished he could come out to her and his dad, he didn’t really have a reason why he hadn’t besides the weight of anxiety on his lungs.

His phone buzzed again, and he wriggled upright to yank it out of his pocket.

Will: Distract me

Will: My mom is driving me insane

Nico grinned to himself, both of them were dealing with mommy issues at the moment.

Nico: idk how you expect me to distract you

Will: Just tell me about snakes or smth

Nico: you think i just have fun facts about snakes on hand?

Will: Yeah?

Nico: good

Nico: cause i do

Will: :)

Nico: snakes can slither 12.5 mph

Will: Good lord

Nico: snakes have internal ears but not external ones

Will: ??

Nico: they can’t create their own body heat which is why theyre in the sun all the time

Will: Hmmmm

Nico: they smell w/their tongues

Will: I thought they had nostrils??

Nico: they do

Will: what

Nico: it’s their Jacobson’s organ my dude it works in mysterious ways

Nico: not really but yk

Nico: sCieNcE

Will: ok….

Nico: if you get bored of snakes i’ve also got a bunch of random cheetah facts

Nico: i love cheetahs

Nico: very cool

Nico: fast cats

Will: Lmao go ahead

Nico: but first

Nico: why’s your mom driving you insane

Nico: if you want to tell me ofc

Nico: not trying to be weird

Will: Nah you’re fine

Will: She wants me to focus entirely on med school and not hockey

Will: She’s trying to get me out of it, actually

Will: Do something ‘respectable’

Will: Not turn out like my dad

Will: Even though dad has literally NOTHING to do with hockey

Will: And in my opinion he’s not bad. Not great. Not awful yk

Will: But hockey’s what’s putting me through med school so

Will: Gods, I really just burdened you with that I’m so sorry

Nico: med school huh

Nico: now i can say i know a doctor

Will: In training

Nico: close enough

Nico: you’re a great hockey player and you're going to be a great doctor

Nico: and you can always talk to me, will

Nico: you’re not burdening me with shit

Will: thanks <3

Nico didn’t understand why he blushed. It was a goddamn emoji. Calm down, Di Angelo.

Will: So we’ve been talking for a few weeks now. Can I call you my friend yet?

Nico snorted, feeling like he was fifteen again, sprawled on his bed, in the dark (because for some reason he didn’t turn his lights on) late at night, texting his- well, anyway.

Nico: yea dumbass

Nico: we’re friends

Will: Nice

Will: Now give me cheetah facts you adorable nerd

~~~

WILL

“Will? You good?”

Will blinked, Jason coming in to focus in front of him. “Uh, yeah.”

“That was believable,” Clarisse said sarcastically from behind Jason.

Will attempted to shake the fog from his head, “Yes,” He repeated.

Jason just blinked at him and Will was formulating an excuse for why he was so tired besides the fact that he’d spent all night talking to a cute figure skater with a ridiculous amount of animal facts stored in his small body when Coach Hedge’s voice boomed from his seat on the bleachers, “Solace! You alive?”

“Yes, coach!” Will shot back.

“Then why are you just standing there? Get back to the game! You too, La Rue and Grace!”

“Yes, sir!” They all barked back.

Clarisse gave him a once over before skating back to her goal and Jason went over to Will’s spot with him, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

Jason opened his mouth, probably to question why the mom friend of their group was tired enough he nearly tripped over his stick but Will just said, “It’s fine, Jase. It’s not a big deal.”

“Grace!” Coach Hedge screeched.

Jason gave up on trying to interrogate Will and skated back over to his spot.

~~~~

“Mama, please,” Will tried, but his mother cut him off.

“Willaim. Hush. How’s that girl you said you were dating?”

What?

He was silent for a beat too long.

“Oh, baby,” His mother’s thick southern accent drenched her words. “You broke up? I’m so sorry.”

Oh gods, Lou Ellen Blackstone.

Will and Lou Ellen had dated for two months a long time ago, and when they were still dating he’d told his mother about her to get her to back off of his personal life a little. Their break up hadn’t had a huge fallout, Lou Ellen had told him through tears in his living room that she was aromantic. They were still friends, had been even before they dated, actually, and talked to each other pretty regularly.

But the problem was, that had been three months ago, and he hadn’t told his mother about their breakup. He knew she’d ask why, and he didn’t want to out Lou Ellen or make her a devil in his mother’s eyes. So he’d procrastinated coming up with a reason until he’d forgotten about it entirely.

And now it had come back to bite him in the ass.

“Yeah we broke up a little while ago,” He forced himself to sound choked up, which wasn’t hard, giving the way his panicked brain was now sprinting in circles on his lungs. “I just didn’t disappoint you.” Probably the most honest thing he’d said in weeks, but that’ll be unpacked later.

“Honey,” She sighed sadly and Will didn’t know whether or not that was on his behalf or hers.

“Well, it’s okay, because I’m dating someone new.”

“Oh?” He could hear her spine straighten. “Is it someone I know?”

No, mom, it’s not one of the country girls I grew up with.

“No,” He winced at how southern he sounded. He’d been talking to his mother for five minutes. “You don’t know him.”

HIM. Good Gods, Will. Yeah, you came out as bi to your mom, but still, you haven’t actually mentioned a guy to her yet.

She was silent for so long his heart joined his brain in the track meet happening on top of his lungs. “What’s his name?”

He was so she’d spoken that he blurted, “Nico.”

What. The. Fuck. Willaim.

Apparently, his heart had won that damn track race.

“Well, what I was leading up to before you told me about what happened,”

Will hummed non-committally, trying not to sound like he was taking relieved breaths as she spoke.

“The family’s come for a reunion and you should bring that boy!” Will choked on his spit.

“Mom, I don’t know about-”

“No, William. There isn’t a set date yet so we can work around your schedule,” Fuck. “I insist, Will. I need to meet this boy you clearly like very much, even though all you’ve said is his name, a mother knows.”

Umm, what.

“Sure,” Will said, sounding a little strangled. “But we have a game this weekend.”

“Alright, William.” She sounded the way she always did when he brought up hockey. “But as I said, we can work around your schedule and his. Talk to him about it, and let me know.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Will repeated. “I’ll do that.”

She hung up and he was left staring at the wilting daisies at his kitchen table.

What had he just done?

[talk-geek-to-me]

Betrayal

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader. eventual Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Anxiety. depression, abandonment, hella angst man, fluff, second-hand embarrassment, swearing, some violence, but it’s super mild. I think that’s about it.

Word Count:4,359 (I’m so not sorry)

Disclaimer: I’m so sorry this took so long for me to get out!! Life’s kinda really crazy rn. I’m moving across the country and I’m trying to keep up with school. It’s a super busy life rn. But I really hope you guys enjoy it!! It’s probably not as good as I hyped it up to be. There is totally enough room for me to make a part 2 but, Idk. With how I left it, I think it doesn’t need it. But I hope you guys love it as much as I do!! @buckysknifecollection​ prompt is in bold.

*** = time has passed

~~~= same day. different perspective 

"I'll be back, I promise" Steve caressed your cheek, lips quickly brushing against yours, pulling away just as fast as they came. He staggered away from you, getting one last look.

Your brows pulled together in confusion, eyes searching his blue ones, only finding determination instead of love and care that was there a few days ago. You watched him hug Bucky and head towards the Quantum Tunnel.

Once Steve was in place, he glanced at you, heartbreaking at your confused stare. He knew if he had given you a real kiss, he wouldn't find it in him to go back. He knew he wouldn't be able to provide the answers to your questions you'll be cursed with.

"Gonna miss you buddy" Bucky stood next to you, hand coming to rest on your shoulder.

"It's gonna be ok Buck" your gaze snapped between the super soldiers.

"What?" You stepped away from Bucky, looking at Sam for an answer, only for him to meet your gaze with an equally confused look.

"Going Quantum in 5...4...3..2..1" Bruce counted.

"Wait-" You stepped towards the machine. You felt a cold hand wrap around your wrist, gently tugging you back. You snapped your head to Bucky, finding his baby blue eyes are filled with sadness and guilt. You stopped struggling.

"Bringing him back in 5..4..3..2..1" Bruce pushed a series of buttons before looking up at the platform to find it empty.

"Where is he?" Sam barked, eyes flicking to you before going to Bruce.

"I don't know, he must've blown past his time" panicking, Bruce began typing different combinations in hopes it would do something.

A few seconds passed, but to you, it felt like hours before your hope vanished and was replaced with pain. Your heart breaking when you realized that Steve left you for her.

Tears pricked your eyes, compromising your vision. A ringing filled your ears, muffling the conversation around you.

Turning on your heel, you quickly made your way towards the cabin, tears now spilling into hot streams down your cheeks. You yanked own the screen door just to slam it shut behind you. The echo of it made Sam and Bucky turn towards where you had disappeared.

"How long do you think she'll be upset?" Bucky sighed, the guilt in his eyes traveling to his heart.

"I don't know man, I don't know.. She'll need us though. C'mon, we gotta catch her before she leaves us here" Sam made his way towards the cabin, stopping to put the shield by the door.

Stepping inside, Sam found you scrambling around, grabbing your jacket, bag and the car keys that had been discarded on the coffee table before you had ventured to the platform.

"Y/N" Sam stepped in front of you, hands up, showing he meant no harm. His voice soft. "You're not suitable to drive, please let me."

You glanced at him before your eyes landed on the Brunette leaning against the car. He immediately opened his arms for you. 

Lips quivering, you placed the keys in Sam's hand and bounded down the stairs and straight into Bucky's arms. Safely in his arms, your shoulders began to shake, and sobs broke out of your throat. His hand cradled the back of your head, keeping you close. Tears formed in his eyes, making him hide his face in your hair. He didn’t feel the same pain you felt, but he did know how you were feeling. Steve didn’t just leave you, he left him, Sam, his friends, the family he created here. 

Sam had made his way to you two when you felt another pair of arms wrap around you. It was going to be hard, but you can get through this... Together.

***

Due to the compound getting rebuilt and thanks to Sam’s good heart, he took you and Bucky to his DC home. Even when you reassured him that you’d be fine and find your own place to stay, but he insisted you stay with him.

Inevitably, you locked yourself in the room Sam had given you. Bucky had tried to get you to come out, but each try left him with silence. Eventually, he’d leave a tray of food out your door, checking every few hours to see if you’d eaten any. At first, you didn’t. Soon enough, he’d found the plate had been picked at.

It was weeks, 3 to be exact, before you decided to venture out of your room. 

Sam was the first person to greet you one Friday morning. He handed you a cup of coffee and wrapped an arm around you in a side hug.

“How are you holding up?” He ruffled your hair before he moved back to the other side of the counter.

“I’m okay, been sleeping a lot, crying... Ya know, depression stuff” Bringing the cup to your lips, reveling in the warmth the coffee provided as it coursed through your body before it settled in your stomach. You scanned the house, looking for a certain Super Soldier. “Where’s Bucky?”

“Dimwit went on a milk run. We were running out of ideas of bringing you out of that room.” He places a small bowl of yogurt Parfait in front of you.

“Dimwit?” You giggled over a mouthful of berries and yogurt.

“He’s been getting on my nerves.” 

As if on queue, Bucky steps through the front door, drawing all attention to him. His eyes met yours, and a smile blessed his lips.

“Oh my god," He quickly set the bags down, the sound of plastic bags and cans hitting the table filled the room before he quickly made his way to you. Engulfing you in a hug, he lifted you off the barstool and twirled around earning giggles to escape your lips. “When did you come out of your room?” He sat you back on the stool, stealing your coffee in the process.

“Actually, just about 20 minutes ago.” He glanced at Sam, who confirmed your statement with a nod.

“Good! I bought movies and junk food. So, go” He pulled you off your chair “Go shower and change”

“Please!” Sam laughed as Bucky pushed you in the direction of the bathroom.

“Do I really smell that bad?” You pulled your shirt to your nose, crinkling it. You did smell that bad.

“Sweetheart, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you reek.” Bucky opened the door and lightly pushed you into the entryway.

“Wait, I don’t have any clothes” You turned to make your way back to your room, but the Assassin was in your way.

“Don’t. I’ll do it. Just shower” He pressed his lips to your forehead, and quickly padded off to your room.

You turned towards the mirror, your brows were slightly raised, mouth turned in a slight smile, and cheeks faintly dusted with pink. “What the fuck just happened?” you questioned. Sighing when you got no answer, you turned on the shower and waited for it to warm.

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, slowly coming to the realization of how bad you looked. Bags under your eyes from lack of sleep and crying too much, skin pale and greasy, lips insanely chapped that no amount of chapstick would fix. You didn’t look or feel like yourself. Depression turned you into a different person, and you didn’t like her.

Fog crept its way across the mirror, eventually covering your reflection. Letting out a sigh you turned away from the mirror and began undressing.

You were about to step into the shower when a knock came at the door. Quickly wrapping a towel around yourself, you opened the door enough for you to see who it was.

“Um, I brought clothes” Bucky mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but you, a light blush cascading across his cheeks.

“Easy there Sarge, don’t get too excited” You giggled, taking the neatly folded clothes. Fingers brushing against his, sending another shade of red up his neck. “Thank you, Bucky”

“Yea, of course, um..I’m just gonna” He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder indicating he was going to leave.

Nodding, you closed the door and laid out the clothes. Noticing that he didn’t bring you jeans but had brought you your favorite joggers and a tank top, made you smile. One that reached your eyes.

“He cares”

***

Stepping into the living room, you found the boys dressed the same; sweatpants and t-shirts. They were standing in the middle of the living room, yelling at each other. Movies scattered on the coffee table, food placed in the middle. 

Giggling, you moved around Sam and plopped down on a couch and scanned through the selection. 

You popped it in the DVD player and let the opening scene stop the bickering behind you.

"The Mummy?" Sam question

"Yes, because you two wouldn't shut up. So please, sit down and enjoy the beauty of Brendan Fraiser." 

It went on like this for weeks. Watching movies, arguing who got to pick the movie.

Soon enough, you started feeling better, well enough that you started jogging with the boys in the morning. 

***

It was 5 am when Wanda called you, pulling you from a blissful sleep.

"Maximoff, I swear, if you're not dying, I'll kill you." You huffed, moving towards the heat source in your bed.

Laughing at your empty threat, you could hear Strange tell her to calm down even though he was chuckling himself. "The compound is finished, you guys can move in today"

"You couldn't wait till a decent hour to tell me this?" You groaned. Feeling an arm wrap around your middle, you looked up finding confused baby blue eyes locked onto your features. 

"Wanda" You mouthed earning a nod from the super-soldier. His arm slide up your back and cold metal hand under the strap of your tank top.

"Well, I had just gotten off the phone with Pepper and-" She was still talking but Bucky had plucked the phone out of your hand and pressed it to his ear.

"We'll be there later Wanda, goodnight," Bucky said. You could hear her gasp and begin to talk, only to be cut off by Bucky hanging up.

"Bucky" you lightly scolded as he pulled you closer to him after throwing your phone to the other side of your bed. 

"Sweetheart, its 5 am and I plan on” He moved to hover over you, fitting between your legs, hips resting against yours, forearms supporting him. “Spending a bit more time with you before the sun rises.” 

Smiling at his comment, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hands falling into his hair. “Well Sarge, the sun is beginning to rise and Sam will want to know.”

Bucky scanned your face as he brushed stray hair away from your face, smiling softly when you leaned into his touch. “I know. Are you feeling better?

You nodded, pulling him closer to you. “I feel” you brushed his nose with yours “So much better, thank you” 

“My pleasure” He closed the small gap between you with a kiss.

A couple of hours later, you had packed your things and were packing the car when the boys came out of the house, bickering about who's driving. 

"I'm not letting you drive, Grandma, and little miss speedster over there will kill us!" Sam shouted, taking the keys out of Bucky's hand. His head snapped towards you, feigning a hurt expression.

“I’m an assassin!” Bucky exclaimed

"You stole my steering wheel and that makes you an assassin?" Sam joked

"Boys! Listen, you both drive super slow, so I'm driving" Snatching the keys out of Sam's hand, you slide into the driver's seating. 

The drive to the compound was a long one. You may drive fast, but with Sam and Bucky arguing over the music, it felt longer. On many occasions during the drive, you had slapped Sam’s hand away from the radio and asked the boys to stop arguing.

Arriving at the new compound was like arriving at Disneyland. The boys had stopped arguing and stared in awe as you pulled up. It was bigger, more windows, a pool. Everything the old one had, this one had too. It was just bigger.

Parking the car, your door was immediately ripped opened and you were being pulled out into the crisp October air, and into a certain witch’s arms. 

“I missed you so much!” Wanda squealed, tightening her grip on you.

“Wanda, I missed you too. But I think I’m going to miss breathing if you don’t let me go” You wheezed as she released her hold on you. She looped her arm through yours, pulling you away from the car. But not before she shot a glance at Bucky, wiggling her eyebrows as if she knew what had happened the night before.

“What the hell happened last night?” Wanda questioned as she leads you to the compound.

~~~

“Hey,” Sam tossed Bucky his bag “Is she ok?”

“Yea, she was in one of those depression moods that I used to get” He watched you and Wanda interact with each other before Strange came up to the two of you.

“You stayed the night in her room, man. What was that about?”

“She asked me to stay. I wasn’t going to leave her alone with her thoughts” Leaning against the car, Bucky crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Sam.

“I see you two getting close,” a smirk was forming on the new Captain’s lips “I saw the kiss before we packed the car” Sam wiggled his eyebrows at the Sergeant. 

“Oh, c’mon man! You weren’t supposed to see that!” exclaimed Bucky as he hit his shoulder, making Sam laugh.

“Ohoho! Then don’t do it in the middle of the living room!” Sam's smirk turned to a wicked grin "And when you kissed her hand in the car, or the time you held her while she made dinner! Or-!" He was cut off when Bucky threw his sweatshirt at him. 

“C’mon man!” Bucky laughed, a light pink dusted his cheeks.

“Or! the shower incident” Sam faked a gasp, a smile broke across his face as the former Winter Soldier turned a bright red.

~~~

“That’s all that happened last night” You explained to Wanda, who didn’t believe you despite what you confirmed.

“Yea? Then why is he turning into a tomato over there” Strange pointed towards the car. 

Turning towards the car, you saw and could hear Sam howling with laughter, and Bucky? Well, Strange was right. Bucky’s face was, in fact, turning into a tomato. 

“I-I don’t know. Sam likes to pick on him sometimes.” You mumbled, brows furrowed together as you watched Sam lean against the car for support and Bucky hide his smile behind his hand.

***

It was around midnight when you decided to sit in the living room, music softly floating through the tv speakers. Footsteps drew closer, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Ya know, it’s not polite to play music without someone who was alive when it came out” Bucky’s voice came closer until you feel the couch dip with his weight, signifying he was sitting next to you.

"I thought you were asleep" You countered, shifting to lean on him, back to his side, your head laid on his shoulder. Bucky had moved his arm around you and had begun tracing designs on your arm.

"I don't sleep when you're not next to me" He mumbled into your hair. Your heart skipping a beat, a blush crept across your cheeks, and you began to relax more against him.

Sitting in comfortable silence, you two were enjoying Frank Sinatra’s Come Fly With Me play when Bucky cleared his throat.

“Wanna dance?” 

You looked up at him, seeing a smirk playing on his lips, making you smile.

“You gonna dance with me as you did with those girls in the 40’s Sarge?” You watched him stand and hold out his hand. “Cause I wouldn’t say no”

“Come here then,” Placing your hand in his, he pulled you to your feet. Sliding his hand around your waist, it rested it on your lower back. His gaze shifted to the distance between you two, and back to your eyes. “We’re gonna have to get a lot closer than this, Sweetheart.” Feeling his grip tighten on your waist, you sucked in a breath when he pulled you closer. Chest pressed against his.

“Now we dance,” Bucky began swaying, his eyes never leaving yours. He led you in a classic waltz, occasionally spinning you, earning giggles to escape your lips.

Pulling you tight against him, you rested your head on his shoulder, your hand falling on his shoulder, savoring the moment. 

“I need to tell you something” Bucky whispered in your ear.

“Of course Buck, what’s wrong?” Worry laced your voice

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get something off my chest” Breaking apart from you, he ran his hands nervously through his hair.

“Bucky, what’s going on?” You took a step towards him.

“ty oblegchayesh' zhizn' kazhdyy den', ty vyyavlyayesh' luchsheye vo mne. Ya snova nachinayu chuvstvovat' sebya staroy. ya vlyublyayus' v tebya” Bucky panicked, eyes searching yours.

“Bucky, you’re speaking Russian” Bucky has never seen a more confused face than yours at this moment.

“I panicked!” He exclaimed

“If your plan was to throw me off, then it worked!” You laughed, stepping closer to him, you placed your hands on his shoulders. “James, tell me what you said”

Hearing his first name roll off your tongue, made his worry disappear. He wrapped his arms around your waist, rubbing little circles in your back.

“I said,” Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before looking you in the eyes. “You make living every day easier, you bring out the best in me, Sam’s noticed it. I’m starting to fall in love with you Sweetheart. I know it’s not the right time, but I wanted to tell you”

“Bucky-”

“No, I need to tell you. I need you to know and if you don’t feel the same then-”

“Bucky!”

“It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. I totally get it” He rambled. Realizing he wasn’t going to give you a chance to talk, you crashed your lips to his. 

You two have kissed many times before, but this is different. You don’t know when you realized you had feelings for him, but you do know that he’s always been there for you. He’s made everything easier. Easier to breathe, to get over you know who, to adjust. Somewhere in there, you’ve grown feelings for him.

Pulling away, you rested your forehead against his. “I feel the same way”

“Really?” Bucky’s face nearly tore in two when the words filled his ears.

“Really” You agreed.

~~~

A crashing noise pulled Sam out of sleep. He poked his head out his door, finding yours and Bucky’s door opened and music coming from the living room. Sam decided that he didn’t want to know what it was, so he headed back to bed, but a light outside his window caught his attention. Ripping the shades opened, he saw a familiar figure standing on the Quantum Tunnel platform. Doubt filled him, there was no way he was back... Right?

Watching the figure look around, Sam ran out of his room, as quietly as he could, down the back staircase and out to the backyard

“Sam?” The figure called.

"Steve? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the 40's" Sam questioned.

"I know. Peggy and I.. We didn't work out. It wasn't right. Peggy wasn't-" Steve began, his mind racing.

"Wasn't what Steve?"

"She wasn't y/n" Steve sighed. He knew Peggy wasn't you the second he got to her house. He knew you two are very different, but everything she did, he found himself silently comparing her to you. She was a spy, and you were an Avenger. When she spared it was quick, but when you spared it turned into a competition. Everything Peggy did, Steve found himself missing the things you did. There was a hole in his life and only you could feel it.

"Steve-"

"I need to see her" Steve interrupted, making his way towards the door Sam came out of.

"What? No, Steve. Don't" Sam followed the former Captain, trying to catch up with how fast he was walking. When did he walk so fast?

"Sam, I messed up. I left her when I shouldn't have, I have to make it right" Steve called from the stairs. Sam ran up the stairs behind him and grabbed his arm when he caught up to Steve.

"You don't understand. She's changed, she's not the same girl who loved you. She's.." He hesitated "She's moved on Steve."

"I need to see her" Steve persisted, pulling his arm out of Sam's grip and headed down the hall towards the living room. Dread filled Sam, slowly following the First Avenger.

~~~

“We should probably go to bed” Bucky mumbled into your neck. You two had found your way back to the couch after your confession. 

“Or we could stay and sleep here. We’re already laying down” You raked your fingers through his hair, grabbing a few strands and began braiding the brown locks. A door being slammed open pulled you two apart. 

“It’s the middle of the night, who the hell is slamming doors?” Bucky reached behind the couch for the handgun he had hidden there. You were already on your feet, gun at the ready and heading towards the sound of intrusion.

“Wait! They might be asleep!” You heard Sam’s desperate pleas come down the hall.

“Sam? What’s wrong?” You lowered your gun, hearing two pairs of footsteps advance quickly towards you. Quickly raising your gun, you loaded the chamber and took aim. 

“What the hell” Bucky said from behind you, drawing your attention to him. Bucky’s eyes never left the intruder, confusion overcame you, and you looked at the intruder. Finding the person who you never thought you’d see again. Steve stepped closer to you, and you stepped away from him.

“Baby?” His voice was soft, too soft, foreign. Shaking your head, you stepped closer to Bucky.

“You don’t get to call me that” You hissed through gritted teeth. The confusion was replaced with anger. It took over you, your hands and voice shook. 

“Please let me explain, baby” Steve took a few more steps towards you, hands coming up to cup your face. He lowered his face to yours, hope-filled his entire being. 

“Steve” Bucky placed a hand on his shoulder “Don’t do that” The warning in his voice made Steve stand straighter.

“This is my girlfriend” Steve argued.

You let out a laugh that startled both boys. You continued to laugh until tears were evident in your eyes.

“That’s fucking hilarious Rogers, you think I’m your girlfriend?” Shaking your head, you stepped closer to Steve. He was taller than you by a foot, making him stare down at you. But by the way, he felt, you were staring down at him. Your eyes bore into his, rage radiating off you, and Steve could feel every ounce of it. “I haven’t been your girlfriend since the moment you decided to fucking leave. You don’t get to call me that. Don’t ever call me that, again” You pushed past him, shoulder hitting his arm hard enough to make him lose his balance.

“Baby, wait” He caught your arm. Twisting your arm out of his grip, you reeled around and connected your fist to his jaw. 

Hearing the crack, Bucky and Sam flinched, thinking that you broke Steve’s jaw with how fast you reacted and how fast his head snapped to the side.

“Damn” Sam mumbled, looking at Bucky “That’s your girl man”

Pride filled his body, Bucky stood a little taller “I know”

“Get it through your head, Rogers! I’m not your girlfriend! I’m not yours! Don’t touch me” You hissed. Turning on your heel, you stormed down the hall towards your room, slamming the door shut when you were inside.

Steve rubbed his jaw, feeling the serum begin to heal his jaw, looking at his friends before his eyes landed on the Brunette, “Looks like your hair is getting a bit long.. Operation Haircut?”

“When you decided you’re done with Operation Jackass, then I’ll consider Operation Haircut” Bucky scoffed, following the trail of rage to your bedroom, entering it without knocking.

Slowly closing the door to your room, Bucky found you sitting on your bed, eyes closed and taking deep breaths. 

“Sweetheart?” He whispered, fearing the nickname might make you snap. But it only brought you comfort.

“Bucky” Your voice shook, opening your eyes, they landed on his form, kneeling next to your bed. He took your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “Why is he back?” Your voice was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know sweetheart,” He paused, searching for the right thing to say before deciding on distracting you, “You know, that was a really good punch. It looked like you nearly broke his neck with how hard you hit him”

The burden of heartbreak left your chest and in its place, laughter made its home. “I had someone teach me how to throw a punch hard enough to break a jaw” You gripped his hand tighter, referencing to him.

“Yea? He did a damn good job” Lifting himself, Bucky sat on your bed, pulling you against him.

“Yea. He did” Relaxing against the Former Hand of Hydra, you finally begin to feel at peace with yourself. You made the decision right there that it was always Bucky. He was your rock before and after Steve left, he was the light in a dark room. He knew that you could take care of yourself, but when you need it, he’s there for you. You, too, had begun to fall in love with him. People would be against it, due to him being the Winter Soldier, but you didn’t care. He didn’t think he was a hero, but you? He was your hero.

Tagging: @parkerpuff​ @blameitonthecauseway​ @chocolate-cutting​ @jeremyrennermakesmesmile​ @sebastian-i-stan​ @intense-sneezing​ @welcome-to-my-broken-sanctuary​ @siren-queen03​ @hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall​ @teamcap4bucky​ @buckysknifecollection​ @neglectedleo​ @dyanna-corona​ @crist1216​ @delicatecapnerd​ @twilight-crescendo​ @weebid​ @lucaslikestojinglebells​ @wxntersoldiers​ @breakmebucky​ @lecoindenox​

[allulily]

watching the promised neverland ep1

most likely spoilers ahead

(not most likely, most definitely and they are not minor spoilers so you've been warned)

these are in real time(ish) reactions i write as i watch with minimal editing

before starting the 1st episode: ok so the picture looks cute, there is no summery being shown but whatever i'll just see how this goes. my sister has been annoying me to watch it and i have heard good thing about it's use of sound. let's get this started but i have some homework so i'm going to let this play on background while i try to figure what the fuck is up with math

0:57: this gate seems important and a little suspect but cute animation and, yes emma i too wish to ride a giraffe. and they all say mom like they have the same one but they don't really look like siblings

2:26: cool intro fun vibes

2:29: what's up with the numbers

3:10: that's a lota children

3:37: they seem to happy go lucky, somethings up

4:29: animation pretty

4:43: ominous music and numbers mean bad things

4:55: ohhh is it connys birthday happy birthdayyy babyy

5:18: i don't know what they're doing bet it seems ominous and intense

5:31: kinda culty vibes

5:49: yayyyyyy

5:59: eDgEyy

6:15: TAGGGGGGG

6:26: why all white? it's culty

7:02: Aawwwwww Conny and Don are BESSSSTTT friends

7:33: norman's good at tag

7:59: BIIIIIIGG steppppyy

8:09: clocks are cool, whimsical

8:26: oh no norman, emma go help him

8:27: NOOOORRMANNNN UR MEANNN

8:52: how stRatITigiEc

9:53: feeling ominous

10:01: oh no

10:09: ahhhh noooo suspenseee somethings gonna happen

10:24: i'm unsettled i've been unsettled

10:46: oooooooooh exposiiiitioooooonn

10:50: it's a tiny fence man

10:59: yesss be the level head ray QUESTION EVERYTHING

11:08: hmmmmmmm something's a bit weird

11:23: mmmmmmmmk these people gathered seems like some key players because they aren't that stupid and are not 4 years old and are talking about suspect things

11:26: it's an orphanage huh didn't get that till just now i was pretty sold on the cult idea, still could be an orphanage for a cult

11:30: 12 is not the age at which you age out of foster care system/ no longer need a legal guardian what happens at 12? do they go to a new orphanage?

11:33: from who ur orphans? i take back what i said about them being important because they're smart they're kinda dumb but still there is an adaquate amount of them to make sense as being important based on the topic they're discussing

11:38: i redact my previous statement of my redaction of them being smart

11:43: that's not how that's supposed to work

11:56: glasses sweety i don't think that's how that works

11:58: this seems like the type of conversation you shouldnt brush off like that

12:02: based on this background music and the music as emma approached the fence i kinda feel like you don't

12:10: yea that's culty

12:12: so they have access to books that's cool

12:50: they are pretty childish for protagonists

12:52: based on the title that statement ("i don't really want to leave") is either very very true or very very false

12:59: given that this is the first episode of an anime and it has some very culty vibes the "we're all happy here" is not going to last

13:02: someone is not happy

13:03: this child has a very high pitched kind of annoying voice i hope they die first

13:08: ooh this small child is getting adopeted (idk is that like being inducted into the cult? then why a 5 year old before the 10?11? year olds) i take back the ending of my previous statement they seem like a side character/supporting character and they're cute enough and they said something nice so i geuss they can stay as long as they don't talk to much

13:13: like a mom or an orphanage mom?

13:17: the whole "never even think about abandoning my children" but seems odd but my running theory is that they are part of a cult so maybe that's a prevelant issue? or is it because they are in an orphanage that this is relevant?

13:19: this feels a bit creepy

13:55:awwwww

13:59: noooo her best friend don is crying and she's crying and its saaaad but they were part of the conversation of important topics so maybe she'll stick around or we'll get updates on her

14:02: ominous door slam

14:12: ohh nooo this is very not sounding good

14:19: uh oh somethings off

14:31: mk i geuss that gate doesn't look bad at all

14:32: connys bunny, noooooooo

15:03: why isn't he joining them

15:05: whatever i geuss they're very considerate

15:13: uh oh spagetios

15:17: this seems like it's gonna be a bigger deal that the show wants be to believe

15:22: well that trucks suspicious

15:32: oh no ominous music and ominus anxiety inducing camera angles before it was only the video or sound

15:37: ahhhhhhh suspenseeeeee is gettin toooo meeee

15:43: ahhhhhhHhHHhHHHH creepy vibes

15:50: dumb bitch characters are unaffected

15:56: there isn't even ominus music just a consistent background noise and an every so often background noise and creepy ways the scene are shot but it's wooorrrkkkingggggg

16:03 suspense is building what's gonna happennnn

16:08 what's that dark stain. i hope it's water

16:25 shit what's happened

16:28 she is unsteady this is not god the weird noises are getting creepier

16:30 biiiiig step back

16:32 oh no she has seen something

16:36 oh wow this is killing me but like in a good way

1639 wooow this is a looooot creepier now

16:46 the way we are being brought to look at the thing emma is looking at is excruciating ahhhhhhhhh

16:54 oh nooooooo what issss itttttttt

16:56 hot ducking shit is that conny

17:00 ok so there's a flower

17:01 ok so the flower stabbed conny

17:06 SHIIT

17:29 are they out of food why would he want to catch a cat for dinner this seems bad

17:36 FUCK

17:42 god this animation is beautiful

17:46 huh so it seems like connys dead dead. um i didn't mean it when i said i hope she dies first

17:50 so do they eat people

17:52 yes

18:01 what did they just put connys body in?

18:03 oh no

18:09 FARMMMM

18:11 "only the rich can-" CAPITTTALLLLLISIOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

18:14 AHHHHHHH SHUUUUT UP U FOOLSSS

18:22 ANOTHER

18:32 MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

18:39 AHHHHHH NOOOOOO DONTTT FINDDD THEEMMMMMMMM

18:52 NOOOOOOOOOO

18:53 AHHHHHYHHHHH SHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

19:03 ahhh yes hyperventilation

19:22 no

19:26 denial

19:48 shouldn't everyone be able to hear her pained wail

19:54 badly like it went like shit like thank fucking god they found out but also it's the worst thing ever

20:25 such great expression of emotions is shown

21:09 yes escaping an evil cult canabil type farm shit will be EXAXTLY like playing tag yes great splendid why was i ever worried i might as well stop watching this series now because you can defeat all of your problems with the ability's you have attained from tag

21:12 SOMMMEEBODDDYYSSSSS EEVVEEESSSDROOPPPINGHGGH

21:17 HOT FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK THAT SCARED ME

21:29 SHITTTTTTTTT

[milfgritty]

76 from the angst list with Travis Konecny?💓

this got,,, so long i’m sorry

76. “You’ve changed.”

Dating an NHL player was hard, you knew that when you started dating Travis while he was still a rookie. It wasn’t like you expected it all to be smooth sailing, but you thought he was worth it.

He is worth it, you reminded yourself silently, but even you had to admit that you were believing it less and less.

You just couldn’t wrap your mind around it. At first, everything was great. Travis was attentive and sweet, never letting yourself feel insecure. He always called on roadies, saying that he missed your voice. One time, he even showed up at your place to surprise you with a bouquet of your flowers. Date nights were often and he always made sure you were comfortable. It was easy to fall in love with him, and you did, even going as far to move in together. Everything was great.

Until it wasn’t.

One minute, the two of you were in love and never strayed too far if you could help it. And then Travis started making his way up team ranks, becoming a fan favorite and getting praised constantly. Nothing changed at first, but slowly but surely, things did.

Yea, he would go out after games sometimes to celebrate wins. You never minded, even turned down some invites. But those after games celebrations became longer, him not coming home until the middle of the night. Then those after game outings turned into every other day outings, and then every day outings until you weren’t even seeing him at nights.

It escalated until he just didn’t have time for you and when he did, he was distant. No calls, no texts unless he wanted to know what was for dinner, conversations in person dissolving into silence so swiftly you couldn’t bear to be in his presence.

Of course, you didn’t realize that at first. Excuses became your go-to. Excuses for his change in behavior, excuses to friends, subconscious excuses to get out of being around him.

It wasn’t until you caught yourself making up increasingly small and nonexistent reasons to get away that it occurred to you that you were purposefully trying to get away.

Things went even more downhill from there.

Unable to ignore everything, the over-analyzing started. You sunk into yourself, going crazy, convinced that everything was happening because of something you did. Maybe you were the one that changed, maybe he didn’t love you anymore and it was your fault. It continued like that for weeks, and what hurt most was that Travis didn’t even notice.

You would’ve continued doing that if it wasn’t for lunch at the Giroux household with the other WAGs while the guys were at practice. Ryanne was the first to notice something off with you and soon you were spilling all the worries plaguing you. Within the hour they were all caught up on your relationship troubles and the most relieving thing was that they were all on your side.

He shouldn’t be treating you like that, they told you. You can’t let him keep doing this.

So you made a plan to confront him. You found yourself home- if you could even call it that anymore when it hadn’t felt like home in so long- after another win sitting on your couch, dread weighing you down.

Time ticked past slowly, so achingly slow. Incapable of doing anything but come up with new scenarios of this playing out, you waited.

The bright orange clock that you had picked out together as a joke when you first moved in read 3:02 AM when the door finally opened.

Numbness already spread through you hours ago, the nerves and anxiety being suppressed underneath. It was a good thing too, because you couldn’t promise you wouldn’t have thrown up if you couldn’t throw yourself into that cold nothing.

Travis stumbled in, not noticing you until shifted and caused a creaking noise to disturb the quiet around you. He started, body jolting as he spun in your direction.

“Babe?” He asked, surprise clear through his slightly slurred words. For a second, you worried over the possibility of him driving home drunk, only dispelling it with the hopeful thought of Nolan not letting him drive like that.

You stayed silent, finally given the chance to get every last thing off your chest only to not know what to say. What you came up with after a few beats wasn’t something you meant to say, but you found yourself whispering it out anyway.

“You’ve changed, Travis.”

The words croaked as they left your lips, heartbreak ringing clear in them.

“What? I don’t-“ He stuttered, leaning against the door frame.

You stood, knowing what you had to do no matter how much it hurt. “I can’t deal with your shit anymore,” you told him, “I won’t deal with it anymore.”

Breathing out a harsh laugh once you saw the confusion evident on his face, you didn’t bother skirting around the issue.

“I’m leaving, Travis.”

That seemed to finally get through to him, you noticed as he walked toward you in a dazed panic.

“Leaving?” He questioned, shaking his head. His words were clearer now. “You can’t leave,” Travis said weakly, reaching out for you.

Easily side stepping him, you backed toward the door while mentally thanking yourself for having the foresight of packing a small bag and putting it in your car on the chance this went bad.

“The only person you have to blame here is you,” you told him, blinking back tears that had begun clouding your vision without your permission.

Not giving him the chance to respond, you fled through the door and quickly closed it behind you. This wasn’t how you planned on this panning out, but you knew it was for the best. As you pulled your keys out of your hoodie pocket, you dully realized that you were actually wearing Travis’s old hoodie that he had given you before the first road trip he went on during your relationship.

Tears returning full force, you comforted yourself with the knowledge that it wasn’t your Travis that you were leaving behind drunk in your shared apartment.

No, that Travis was long gone.

And now, so were you.

Send me things for sleepover saturday!

[sneev]

said i would so i did!

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

It was someone from work (my supervisor) so uh i’d say something like “im so sorry how did this happen bye”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Avoiding them like the plague :/

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Yeah and first of all I wouldn’t be dating them so

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yea

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Drunk :/

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Bitch u stole my response. My whole life is messed up.

7. What does your last received text say?

It was from gav abt his project and about roadtripping

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Id k! I was drunk! I barely remember! I hated it!

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Not gonna talk about it anymore on here!

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

This afternoon

11. What do you drink in the morning?

COFFEE

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed

 13. Do you think relationships are hard?

Yeah and sometimes I need breaks, im not good at them

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Idk im good

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

:///////////////////////////// why is this all about kissing

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Rainy if im not going to work and staying in and getting to bake cookies/ drink coffee

Sunny if I wanna run or going to work

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Running shorts? But possibly sweats soon bc cold

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Id like to think yea

20. Does anyone like you?

No (also shut up u can totally be w/ someone and I think u will be one day and it will be beautiful)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

NO

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

NO I WISH

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yea and I almost got one last night while semi-drunk that said no guts no glory. Would still get it.

25. In the past week have you cried?

OF COURSE

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Black lab and also a greyhoundd

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

in

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

NO

29. Do you think you’re old?

no

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yea but honestly it’s exhausting lately and I sometimes forget. Idk why im like this

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s ok slept most of it and worked

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

yea

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Chilly but not freezing

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

GAV (and some of my bros)

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Relationship !!!!!!!!!

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Aren’t we all complicated

37. What song are you listening to?

Move your body – sia alan walker remix

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Always

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Veens <3 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

I never had a real crus h!!!!!!!!!!! 41. When did you last receive a text message?

12:30 am 42. What is wrong with you right now?

Depression anxiety and whatever is wrong w/ my body physically. Will get back to u after I find out from dr 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Vvv well 44. Does anyone disgust you?

Of course 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

It depends who and how well we get along? More complicated than this ! 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yes but tired, sad, the usual 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

jess 48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Uh it’s a Chicago red stars shirt w/ press’s number 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yea 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Uh ? I gave up on someone if that counts 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Nevr fell hard so no

  52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

No when I give up I give up 53. Do you like rain?

yessssss 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Not rlly but if they pressure me to, then I wouldn’t like that  55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

yea 56. Do you like to cuddle?

sure 57. Are you shy?

All the time 58. Do you get along with girls?

I think so 59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

NO 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Phone, wallet, keys, but something else? Hairties. I always have at least 2 on 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Probably yeah 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I don’t know! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

STOP and no 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

sure 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

No tf I mean , joey is always cute so yes I guess

 66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

30 something ://////////////// and it was only 1

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   

Do them myself  68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

no 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

No, but it would b cool to have one. I like customizing things but I just, dont 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Lil wayne rather than luke bryan puke 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

windows 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

I want pizza hut and the last 2 weeks my sister went like 3x and I’m pissed! Haven’t had pizza in weeks! (like take out pizza) 73. Do you like diet soda?    

NO but I will drink coke zero/sprite zero occasionally at my one friend’s house when I don’t drink the alcohol they have 74. What color are the walls in your room?    

blue 75. Are you 16 or older?    

yea 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

no 77. Do you have a job?    

yes   78. What are your initials?    

Ks

  79. Did you ever have braces?    

yea 80. Are you from the south?    

no

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

Uh I don’t write statuses 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Yes ! and it sucks! 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     dad

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

nope 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Uh I don’t remember ….. yikes 86. Do you smoke?    

nope 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   

flips  88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yea 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

Str8 but it curls weird/has waves , even when I straighten it (lmao gay) 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

Idk I can’t swim

  92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

:/ 93. …Had sex in a car?     groossss

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

Single pringle 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

PARTYING jk I was dancing sober so it was weird but everyone was so drunk they didn’t care so it was fun 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

4th of july 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

sure 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

gross 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

Yeah I almost died

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

yes 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

LMAO no 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Learn to let go it’s rlly good 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

yes 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

No tf ?

�2|9#

[chanzicoup]

Suffer in Silence (VIXX N x Reader)

A/N: for @Narwhal_Power on wattpad

Summary: Y/N was invited to the VIXX dorm after her work shift for dinner. It wasn't weird for her to come over being Leo's cousin and all. Not only that but she was also one of their stylists so she sees them on a regular basis anyhow. She works part time at a grocery store and part time in the make up department to pay for student loans, all while balancing schooling itself. It didn't help that she had been easily stress out and has panic attacks when everything grumbles. She's just gotten home and out of the shower when Ken called her excitedly to invite her to dinner.

Count: 1.8k

Genre: Angst

Warning: Anxiety, Stress, Panic Attacks, etc.

Request Regulations/Rules

~Blake

Y/N's POV

I changed into a grey tank top and yoga pants before drying my hair with my towel and playing music on my CD player. Most people would usually listen to music on their phones but when you have all these albums you can't let your money go to waist by never actually playing the CD's. Seconds later my phone began to blare BLACKPINK's Boombayah and Ken's face flashed on my screen. I set my towel on my bed and lowered my music before picking up.

"Hello?" I asked. He could only be calling this late because he wants something.

"Y/N!!! Are you free!?!?!" I heard his screams of joy yell. I moved my phone a few inches away from my ear to prevent me from going deaf and chuckled.

"Yah cutie, calm down. Yes, I am free. Why?" I questioned. Cutie is my nickname for him since I refused to say 'oppa' with the VIXX guys. It was to awkward for me. Ken responded in a normal voice surprisingly.

"We're ordering chicken today! Leo says you're having a hard time recently because of work and school and he thought it be fun if you came over!" It was true school and work has been piling up lately because of the holidays and finals, but I tried to keep it together mainly because I didn't want the boys to worry.

"I'm okay I just need to sleep!" Ok so trying to convince them I was fine never works and I have absolutely no idea why I even tried.

"Too late, Y/N! We already ordered yours so you have to come! Dinner will be here at seven!" And with that Ken hung up. I rolled my eyes and pulled out a hoodie to wear and my converses. Just because they invited me over doesn't mean I have to dress up, I bet that they are wearing sweats and white t-shirts so I'll be just fine.

My phone chimed and I looked at the screen to see a reminder my teacher had sent in my History Group Chat.

'Remember, students, your Quiz on the Preamble Origins is tomorrow! Finals are coming soon too. Two weeks away to be exact.'

Ugh, I nearly forgot about that. And I've studied for days! I guess I should revise my notes soon if I forgot this early on. Maybe I could do it during my ten minute break in between shifts? Yea that sounds fine, I'll revise before the quiz too so I should be alright.

I finished drying my hair and grabbed my keys before getting into my car and driving off. It took me only a few minutes to get to their dorm and when I did Leo met me in the drive way.

"Nice outfit." He joked. I rolled my eyes and locked my car.

"Says you, you're wearing basically the same thing I am." He wore a black hoodie with red sweats and black slippers. He scoffed and led me inside, sore loser. He never liked being corrected but he deals with it when it comes to meeee.

"Whatever, dinner will be here in fifteen minutes." We took off our shoes at the door and walked into the living room where the other boys were sitting and chatting. Leo sat on the floor and I sat in the last seat on the couch N and Hyuk were sitting in.

Out of all the boys the two that were the most calm around me were Hyuk and N. In the beginning I thought they didn't like me but I soon learned that they just had a lot of respect to me. Hyuk because I was older, just by a few weeks but he says I'm 30 with my mental age. N says it's because I'm not only one of VIXX's family member's but technically I'm their coworker. I hold a high respect for them too, of course. We became best friends after that and we started acting and speaking comfortable with each other. N looked over and wrapped his arm over the back of the couch I was resting against. Which was a normal thing to do between us.

"How was your day, Y/N?" He asked, ignoring Leo's judging.

"Meh, could be better but it's been worse. I just has a busy day." I laughed it off as a joke to get him to stop talking about it, I could just feel the stress bubbling up  from within.

"You're ok though right?"

"Of course, nothing I can't handle!" MORE LIES

"As long as you're fine. Don't stress too much." He cautioned. I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

"Yes, mother." His eyes widened and he moved his hand in a motion that looked like a woman moving her hair off her shoulder.

"At least I'm a pretty woman, unlike some girls..." He sneered.

"OooooH Noona he dissed you!" Hyuk cheered, this kid just wants to see a fight.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" I squealed, N shook his head and at that I pounced and began tickling his ribcage.

"Y/N STOP! YOU KNOW I'M TICKLISH!" N said in between breaths. That may be true, but he insulted my beauty and this means war!

Hyuk joined in on the tickling and we continued as N wheezed in sporadic giggles. After a few minutes I saw Leo get up and walk into the kitchen, mumbling about how us children are ridiculous.

"Time out!" Hongbin's voice rang from the kitchen, we halted immediately. He walked out wearing a black apron and holding a tray of hot tea. He set it on the table and removed his apron, setting it to the side.

We drank our tea and became engaged in a conversation about RAVI's solo. I had remembered, I was going to be doing his make up for that concert. You can thank me later. The chicken was not here yet and I was starving. My phone rang in the middle of Ken's sentence and I saw it was my boss at the grocery store calling. "I am so sorry, but it's work."

"You can go in my room to chat." N stood and led me to his bedroom. I thanked him as he shut his door and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Y/N YOU THINK YOU CAN SLACK OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BUSY!" His booming voice echoed roughly into my ear drums and my heart raced with fear.

What had I done wrong?

"Sir, what do you mean?" I asked in the quietest voice possible thanks to the growing panic attack.

Calm down, Y/N. This is your boss, he's always mad at something. He'll quiet down soon enough.

"I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LAST FEW WEEKS YOU'D BEEN DROPPING IN PRODUCTIVITY. THE ITEMS AREN'T STRAIGHT ON THE SHEVES, THE JANITOR'S CLOSET WAS A MESS, AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOUR SLOW CHECK OUTS! JANINE DOES A BETTER JOB THAN YOU AND SHE JUST STARTED OUT!"

"I-I'm sorry, sir. I'll do better, I promise!" I said with tears in my eyes. I'm going to be fired, I can already tell. I tried my best this week too, but I guess it just wasn't enough. I'll never be enough.

N's POV

I closed the door to my bedroom and made my way into the living room, where the boys were eating the chicken that must've came while Y/N and I were away.

"Y/N still on the phone?" Leo asked with a mouth full of food.

"Yea she should be out in a few minutes." I sat down in my seat again and opened my box to start eating.

3rd POV

But she hadn't come back, not after ten nor twenty minutes. The boys were starting to worry and her food was getting cold. Leo noticed and felt something was wrong, but he hadn't acted on it because he normally was like this when it came to his baby cousin. It never turned out to be a big deal so he ignore his gut feeling. N on the other hand knew something was wrong, he just knew.

Y/N's assumption was right, she'd been fired. As her now ex boss hung up on her after spitting foul words to her she'd crouched down to the floor and began letting her stress out in the only form she knew how, crying salty tears. She hid her face in her knees that were bent to her chest. Curling into a ball in the dark only made her feel more pathetic.

N decided to check in on her and he excused himself from his members to make his way to the bedroom. He knocked on his door a couple of times, the only sound he had heard was Y/N's sniffling. He rushed into the room and found her on the floor.

"Hey, what happened?" He shut the door and turned a lamp on, kneeling next to her. She flinched away but N only drew closer and wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm sorry." She cried. N immediately understood what was happening and hugged her with both arms, having her head rest in his nape. She cried harder after feeling comfort and support in his embrace. He holds her head and smooth down her hair, something his mother had done for him once or twice before.

She relaxed and thanks to N's actions but he did not stop, not that she was complaining. N could tell she was exhausted. Her makeup covering the bags under her eyes had washed off. He also knew she hid her problems because she didn't want to feel like a burden to the others. He knew what it felt like to be overloaded, working over time, and suddenly having everything crumble despite how hard you tried to prevent it.

"I know you're not ok. You don't have to lie to me, Y/N. Tell me what's wrong." He whispered. For once in a long while Y/N confessed and let the weight fly off of her chest. She told N about her job, being fired, studying until morning only to get B's on her tests, exams, bills pilling up, everything. N sat and listened. He listened to her worries and fears while stroking her hair and holding her tight. When she was finished she let out a long sigh and sat up and out of N's arms, much to her dismay. She wiped her eyes and pulled her hair to the side to keep it out of her face.

"I'm sorry." She said while clearing her throat.

"Don't be, I understand. What you need to remember is that there's always a shoulder for you to lean on here." N raised to his feet and helped Y/N to hers. Walking hand in had he lead her to the bathroom.

"Go wash up, you're foods getting cold." He chided. She smiled and did as she was told.

Never again did she suffer in silence.