#skate into my heart au
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Skate to my heart | MV1 (SM & Blurb)
pairing: max verstappen x hockey player!reader (they/her)
summary: when hockey season overlaps with F1 season, there's bound to be sparks flying
warning: none!
wc: 934
a/n: Hockey presason is back baby! also all photos for y/n is from @/PWHL_NewYork ! Highly recommend watching PWHL & supporting these women!
maxverstappen1
liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, landonorris, charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, and 1.8m others
maxverstappen1 It was a tough race with tougher conditions but we maximised with p2 đ Now time for a much deserved break before coming back stronger đŞ
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user9355 THAT'S MY GOAT!!!
user305 we only go up from here đđ
landonorris you gonna let oscar just drown you like that?
âł maxverstappen1 compared to you? i survived âł landonorris RUDE???
user593 LETS GOOOOO
user29 we are so BACK!!!
yourusername beautiful driving by my goat, excepted nothing less. next manifesting a podium for austin when i go in person đđ
maxverstappen1 liked this comment âł maxverstappen1 challenge accepted âł yourusername đđ¤
yourusername tagged NJDevils and PruCenter
liked by yourbestfriend, yourteammate1, your_teammate8, maxverstappen, and 928k others
yourusername đđ preseason is back! time to see some of my favorite devils before hitting the rink with my gals đâ¤ď¸ IN OUR NEW HOME ARENA FOR THE SEASON đ
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yourteammate1 still sad you're a devils fans as NYS đđ
âł yourusername đ¤ˇââď¸ âł yourteammate1 texting coach to trade you as we speak âł yourusername WOOOOW THE BETRAYAL BY MY OWN WIFE
user305 YES THE DROUGHT IS OVER!!!
user3953 OMG HOME STADIUM IN NJ?? LETS GOOO!!!
yourbestfriend so good to be back đŽâđ¨
âł yourusername SOOOO GOOD!!
user694 MY QUEEN!!!
yourusername liked this comment
yourusername
liked by yourbestfriend, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, yourteammate1, and 1.1m others
yourusername LETS GET LOUD!! đ§ââď¸đśđŠľ
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user4863 YES YES YES!!!
user042 FINALLY!!!
yourbestfriend THE KING AND QUEEN OF THE ICE đđđ
âł yourusername DAMN RIGHT đŁď¸
user3068 đđđ
yourteammate1 watch out, your replacement is showing you up
Ⳡyourusername sadly I think they're better 𤧠Ⳡyourteammate1 you can become the team photographer it's okay Ⳡyourusername oh yeah for sure
user3053 SO EXCITED FOR THE FIRST GAME!!
maxverstappen1 I'd like to propose a bet
âł yourusername im listeningđđ âł maxverstappen if you can win your first game since i've bought a ticket to see it âł yourusername okay, name your price. âł maxverstappen1 if you lose, you pick up the tab for post game drinks âł yourusername and if i win you'd pick up the tab for post game drinks? âł maxverstappen1 preciously âł yourusername alright, your on đ¤ be prepared to lose mr. 3 time world champ âł maxverstappen1 ha. i don't lose âł yourusername you do tomorrow night đđ
maxverstappen1 tagged yourusername and NYsirens
liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, yourusername, landonorris, and 1.5m others
maxverstappen1 wonderful job ladies. a well deserve win đđ
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user2953 HELLO???
user384 bring back hockey max!!!
landonorris so when did we start liking hockey, hm? đ¤¨
âł maxverstappen1 I have always liked hockey âł charles_leclerc if it's not f1 or your e-sports, you only watch for background noise âł landonorris what charlie said! âł maxverstappen1 Highly debatable âł yourusername he likes it when he's got a bet on the game and loses đ¤ âł landonorris OH?
user736 OMG OMG I WAS AT THE SAME GAME!!!
user203 need this man to be invited back to give my ladies a bigger audience đ
yourusername pay up champ đĽđłđĽđł
âł yourbestfriend EXCUSE ME??? WHERE'S MY INVITE âł yourusername sorry girlie, this was a bet made between us 𤧠Ⳡyourbestfriend đ have a drink for me âł yourusername ofc boo âł maxverstappen1 yeah yeah. i'll meet you outside âł yourusername okay âşď¸
After the team meeting and the media, you leave the stadium with your teammates to the bus. Spirits are high and the energy is buzzing between everyone. Youâre laughing with your teammates and spy Max standing a little further off to the side in front of his car as heâs on his phone. You put your duffel bag into the compartment of the bus before excusing yourself. Your teammates boo and pout, asking where you were going and why you werenât celebrating with them. You quickly explain you had a bet going on with an acquaintance. Your face flushes slightly when the girls see Max and start teasing and giving low whistles before youâre turning on your heel and heading to the Dutchman, gently flattening out your black dress.
âHello there.â
Max glances up from his phone to study you before locking and pocketing his phone before he breaks into a small grin, âHello. Congratulations on your win.â
âThank you,â you give a small jokingly curtsy, âI had to make sure I was not picking up this bill.â You tease. âReady to go? Hope I didnât keep you waiting too long.â
âI am,â he steps aside as he opens the passenger door for you, âalso no you didnât keep me waiting long at all.â He offers a hand, which you take and helps you into his car before he closes the door gently behind you. You settle into your seat and start talking to Max to fill the silence. Itâs surprisingly a lot easier to get the Dutchman talk when heâs asking you questions about hockey. How long have you been playing? Did you start as a kid? Why did you want to play hockey? What did you do on your off days? What was training like? What are practices like? Could he come and watch a practice?
You happily answered all the them on your way to the bar, the two of you going back and forth with a question and answer. You two end up in a booth in the corner at the bar with your drinks chatting and talking with laughter and banter between the two of you.
The night flies by and before you know it youâre back in Maxâs hotel room. Itâs not like it was the endgame but it was 2am and his hotel was closer than the teamâs hotel. You texted your roommate before Max is passing you some of his clothes and you take a shower. You come out laughing because Maxâs sweatpants are too big for you and you have to hold them up while waddling over to Max, whoâs on his bed who is also laughing. He trades you the sweats for a pair of shorts and takes the sweatpants. You settle into the other side of the bed and the two of you continue to chat until somehow you both fall asleep.
Waking up the next morning, Max is already finishing getting dressed. He asks if you want to go back to your hotel and change before joining him for breakfast and you sleepily agree before you get out of bed. Somehow, you manage to direct Max to the hotel in your sleepy haze before the two of you are back in your room and you change. The two of you then go out to a little cafe for breakfast.
Then the mall.
Then lunch.
You joke that this feels more like a date.
Max states that maybe he wanted it to be a date.
You stare at him in a bit of a shock before smiling and accepting dinner as a date which Max just smirks slightly.
The date goes amazingly. Max picked some fancy restaurant but you didnât care about that. You cared about being on a date with Max. How easy it was to talk to the Dutchman. How much of a nerd he was that the media never showed because he kept it tucked away. It was a different side to the driver that you were glad you got to see.Â
After the date, you two went to get ice cream. You two finally exchange numbers before he drops you off at your hotel so you could pack for your flight. You donât sleep, spending the night texting Max.Â
You two schedule virtual dates in between your schedules. Your favorite is a virtual escape room that is Twilight themed. Max was so stressed trying to figure things out and you were laughing so hard that you almost pissed your pants but you two escaped with two minutes to spare. Max swore he would never do it again but he also needed to prove that he could do an escape room with more than five minutes to spare so it became your go to date and by the third, Max had been so frustrated with a puzzle (that he wanted to do on his own) that he blurted out âbabe help me!â
You did but after you circled back to the comment, smiling and teasing him. You found his blush cute as he fumbled with his words before admitting since you two have been talking for so long and going on dates he wanted to ask you and had this whole thing planned but it just slipped out in the moment of his frustration. You laugh softly but smile and admit that you were going to ask him pretty soon if he didnât and somehow him blurting that out felt somehow fitting. You two laugh but end the date on the biggest high ever.
You were dating Max fucking Verstappen.
maxverstappen1 tagged yourusername
liked by yourusername, landonorris, charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, and 1.9m others
maxverstappen1 one of us is a professional hockey player...
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landonorris not you watching her bust her ass and not helping her
âł maxverstappen1 I did not! I helped her âł yourusername he lies âł landonorris knew it âł maxverstappen1 y/n! âł yourusername kidding!
danielric3 woooow i thought we had something special
âł maxverstappen1 we do! âł danielric3 LIAR! âł yourusername sorry, my bad. if it makes you feel better, i totally kicked his ass âł danielric3 this does actually, thank you
yourusername you did me dirty with that photo
âł yourbestfriend now girl...how âł yourbestfriend I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT
yourusername at least i kicked your ass
âł maxverstappen1 yeah wait till we go karting âł yourusername i'll your ass there too đ¤ âł maxverstappen1 okay schat, we'll see đŠľâ¤ď¸ âł yourusername yes we will â¤ď¸đŠľ
#starlight library presents;#startlight library navigation#STMH#skate to my heart#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen x y/n#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen smau#max verstappen social media au#mv1 fic#mv1 x reader#mv1 imagine#mv1 smau#mv1 social media au#f1 imagine#f1 smau
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Shoma Uno & Stephane Lambiel: Fall On Me | Friends on Ice 2024
thanking both shoma and stephane for this very lovely program đ
#figure skating#shoma uno#stephane lambiel#friends on ice 2024#fskateedit#wow thanks for breaking my heart#shoma retiring only to do this with his ex-coach#this is gonna be used as a template fs au for all the couples i just know it#the number of times i gasped while making this gif set??#the yearning the beauty the grace#my gifs
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So I've been thinking way too much about my ice skating Soriku AU....
Pose based on this video, I've been watching ice skating videos every night for the last few weeks because I can't stop thinking about Sora and Riku skating together.
#soriku#soriku fanart#kingdom hearts#sora kingdom hearts#riku kingdom hearts#sora kh#riku kh#kingdom hearts fanart#soriku art#next time sora will have funny pants i just didnt feel like inventing clothes... just wanted to draw this pose#I WILL WRITE THIS AU SOON. I have a fic to finish and might do a oneshot afterwards but. I will write this very soon#i already have a doc going with ideas and my scattered thoughts#i've spent hours researching ice skating in the last two days omg.#i have to find a balance between being faithful/accurate but also not requiring my readers to do homework to understand terms#pluffie draws#< the never used tag because my arthritic fingers do not allow me to draw much anymore#this is the first time i've ever drawn a profile shot that i didn't hate. idk what i did but it was magic. profile view is so hard for me!!#soriku endgame actually
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Oh hey, if you're still taking art requests and are up for the potentially challenging poses and outfits I would love to see more figure skating art! If you want character suggestions, how about Cerdic, Niles, or Demyx?
đ§ââď¸ I. May have gone a lil đ overboard, but I was having fun with it and loved all the suggestions gjsfhdjkgfdsg
For Demyx's look, I played with his organization coat for the outer layer and the design underneath comes from Arpeggio. Cerdic got a bit of a blend of his more casual look and his armor (also BEYOND honored to have an oc as a suggestion đđ). Niles got his regular look mostly simplified, but I changed up his cloak for fun ;w;
#thanks for the ask! c:#you wouldnt believe who i had the hardest time with-#demyx#niles fire emblem#fire emblem fates#kingdom hearts#fire emblem oc#fe oc#my ocs#oc: cerdic#my art#figure skating au
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ice skater/ice hockey player au for portada (maybe)?
HELL YESSS I love the way your mind works, anon!
Hockey Player!Ace x Figure Skater!Yara
They both got into their sport because of their fathers. Gol D. Roger is an absolutely legendary hockey player and Mihawk is a multiple-award-winning world champion figure skater, who has won both in the menâs singles category and the ice dancing category alongside his partner Shimotsuki Akiko (Akiko herself was also a great figure skater but her career never gained the kind of international acclaim Mihawkâs did)
Ace uses his motherâs surname Portgas because he wants to make his own career without being tied to his fatherâs legacy. Rouge in this AU is alive and owns a nice little flower shop. Roger, now retired, helps her run it. (He gets a lot of âHey, arenât you--â to which he quickly cuts in âAhaha I have no idea what youâre talking about :) I am just a humble flower merchant!â)
Ace started out on the same team as his sworn brothers Sabo and Luffy, but was drafted onto the Whitebeards, coached by Edward Newgate, a legendary player and old rival of Rogerâs who had his eye on Ace ever since Aceâs rookie years coming up through the junior leagues. Marco is the current captain.Â
Mihawk is now retired and is dedicated to training Yara. He and Akiko were married for a very brief period of time, but are now divorced. Despite this, they are on friendly terms and still make a good team when it comes to raising their daughter.
Yara (who still uses her birthname Dracule Yara in this AU) is quite popular, especially with people eager to see her continue her fatherâs legacy. She tends to receive a lot of gifts thrown onto the ice during every competition, and one of the things she always gets is a bouquet of hibiscus flowers. There is never any name attached to them but theyâve clearly been professionally-arranged and often come with a nice little typed-out note giving her really sweet compliments. They always make her heart melt a little bit every time she reads them and she really, really wants to know who is responsible (especially since hibiscus flowers are her favourite, which she vaguely recalls mentioning in an interview once at the start of her career before she gained any real fame).Â
Now for the Portada. Yara and Ace train at the same rink, but rarely interact at first. Ace often watches her work through her routines before his own practice. His brothers and teammates like to tease him about the massive crush he obviously has on her and have tried to goad him into approaching her, but he chickens out every time because he just gets so flustered. He can be so smooth and cool when it comes to talking to women at a meet-and-greet or publicity event but when it comes to Yara, he totally falls apart. Heâs a world-famous super rookie, but his crush turns him into an awkward teenage boy again.Â
One day during training, Yara pushes herself a little too hard and over-rotates while trying to do a triple axel. She twists her ankle badly and has to go to the hospital. While there, she receives plenty of gifts and well-wishes from fans, as well as more hibiscus bouquets.
After the doctors clear her to return to the ice, Yara gets a little frustrated with herself as she is a bit out of practice and struggling to complete routines that once came to her so easily. Ace comes in early and sees her sitting in the middle of the rink, fighting back tears. All his shyness falls away as he skates over to her, offering her a hand and a shoulder to cry on as she admits that she feels like sheâll never skate like she used to again. Ace does his best to reassure her that sheâll be back to her old self in no time, and guides her through doing some basic warmups before he has to leave to attend his own practice, but not before promising her that heâll come early every single day until sheâs skating like she once did.
He makes good on his word and slowly helps her build her confidence back, skating with her and encouraging her when she starts to doubt herself. The two develop a friendship and bond over their time on the ice together, and occasionally even spend time together outside of the rink, too. (As friends do, when they want to be around each other while simultaneously fighting off their feelings for one another). When Yara wins her first competition since her injury, Ace congratulates her in person while Yara also receives another hibiscus bouquet with the most heartfelt, sweet note attached.
A month or so later, Yara decides to get Akiko some flowers for her birthday. She remembers Ace mentioning that his mom is a florist so she makes it a point to stop by Rougeâs shop. While there, she begins to notice something odd: there are hibiscus flowers everywhere, much like the ones in the anonymous bouquets she has been receiving for years now. She quickly puts two and two together and decides to confront Ace about it the next time she sees him at the rink.Â
Ace confesses that heâs been in love with Yara since the first moment he ever saw her skate, but he was too nervous to talk to her, hence why he felt he could only express his feelings through anonymous bouquets (when he wasnât available, he would get Luffy or Sabo or even Rouge to throw them onto the ice on his behalf). Yara is stunned to know that this hotshot young rookie had been admiring her from afar all this time. She always thought Ace was cute, too, but his public persona was just so flirty and silly that she had no idea he was this serious about anyone, least of all her. Sheepishly, Ace asks her out, which Yara accepts. As one date turns into two, three, four, etc. they decide to keep their relationship private. Only their close friends and family know. Â
The Stanley Cup playoffs start for this year, and the Whitebeards make it all the way through to the final round. They are tied three games to three with their rival team, and the score has sat at 2-2 throughout the game when Ace scores the winning goal. He celebrates with his teammates for a second before skating over to Yara, dropping his helmet on the ice as he leans over the door to the ice and kisses her while the crowd goes wild. (Their moment of passion doesnât end there, but continues in Aceâs hotel room all night long).Â
Word quickly spreads through social media that hockey star Portgas D. Ace is dating figure skating legend Dracule Yara. Two years later, when the Whitebeads win the Stanley Cup for the third year in a row, Ace ends the game by scoring the winning goal yet again, then skates over to Yara and gets down on one knee. A very shocked, but very delighted Yara says yes.
Ten years later, Ace and Yara are both retired, and proudly watch from the stands with the rest of their kids as their son Shiro wins his very first figure skating competition.
#oc: bravada yara#ship: portada#otp: i'd burn the world for you#asked and answered#my ocs#portada au headcanons#i guess 'swordsman/woman' got translated to 'figure skater' in this lol#i used to love watching hockey when i was a kid (hockey night in canada my beloved)#got into watching figure skating years back as well#so both these sports are near and dear to my heart#this is an AU i would absolutely draw had i the skill and patience lol
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if you were a pro athlete, what sport would you play?
rapid-fire style again (âď¸ ŐਠŐ)âď¸these are fun!
viole: volleyball or baseball!
khun: soccer (or football, as he says) or figure skating
rak: ice hockey
hatz: wrestling
hockney: âŚfishing? thatâs definitely not a sport
elaine: equestrian (but no horses???)
endorsi: gymnastics
anaak: boxing
me: real football! áŚ(ò_ĂłË)á¤
-isu
#thanks for the question!#//mun: siu has drawn so many sports aus in his blogposts theyâre great#//mun: figure skating khunbam have my heart#//mun: also yes i 100% see shibisu as american coded because cmon it makes so much sense#shibisu#ship leesoo#tower of god#tog rp#tower of god rp#webtoon#ask me anything
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Um so, this took up the entirety of my Sunday. I canât stop thinking about it please go read it
#blue lock#nagireo#reo mikage#reonagi#blue lock reo#nagi seishiro#figure skating au#best friends to strangers to rivals to lovers#oh my god my heart hurts#hurt/comfort#blue lock fic#fanfiction#ao3
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angel iâm so excited sep-oct2020 was literally peak i think a skate rat aus (kisses miki) revival would fix me
IT WAS TRULY THE PEAK OF MY EXISTENCE I HAVE NEVER THRIVED MORE !! i was reading mikis skate rap wip and like honestly itâs been so long and .. rereading it sucked me right back in there and its just SUCH AN EXPERIENCE ITS INCREDIBLE.
u and i both nonnie !!! no pressure but like @undermattsun a skate rat revival would literally fix my mental illness so . <43
#urusai! baka#I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THO OMG NONNIE#AN OG!!!#SINCE THE BEGINNINGGGGG#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH OMG MY HEART IS DOING FLIPS#thank u for being here oh my god <433 sobs#BHT HONESTLTBYA LIKE#THE SR AU IS JUST#INCREDIBLE#ITS INSANE HOW FAST I WAS SUCKED BACK IN#ITS ALMOST AN ISEKAI#I WOKE UP IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (AND IM SURROUNDED BY SKATE RATS?!)
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Hot Wheels [M] Pairing: Kim Mingyu x Fem!Reader Tags: 15.9k, 90's AU, Co-Workers to Lovers, Fluff, Humor, Smut 18+ Collab: Now That's 90's Summary: There has been something brewing between you and your part-time co-worker (full-time hottie), Kim Mingyu. Endlessly flirting on the clock at Wheelies, making out in the back of the movie theater, rolling around in the sand with a mighty good man...no other 90's dreamboat could ever compare. Warnings: SMUT 18+, MINORS DNI!! mxf (consensual) sex, fingering, low-key breast play, making out (in public), hickey talk, Mingyu is hung (obvs), he's also portrayed as 'taller' than the mc in interactions, mild to moderate language use, gyu's roomies are sloshed at the end (unrelated to smut or main characters), that should cover all the bases...
Fridays at the roller rink are always busy but this is the first official skate-night of Summer Time â99 and itâs like opening day all over again. The schools let out just a few hours ago, releasing hoards of teenagers with pent-up energy loose on your small town and there is a line out the door waiting to get into Wheelies to jump-start their next few months of freedom.
Thankfully, the owners prepared and bought a whole new stock of skates so when you inevitably have to help out at the rental counter youâll have enough to go around without having to argue with some sixteen-year-old about not having their size.
For now, youâre on the floor making sure everything is running smoothly, gliding around in circles with your hands in your pockets. Itâs not too packed just yet even though you can see the steady stream of kids filtering through the doors after hitting the ticket booth. Mothers are packing up their little ones knowing itâs time to head out before it picks up pace and the exchange in skaters coming on and off the floor keeps things pretty even for a short while.Â
As you pass by the DJ booth for the hundredth time this evening, Vernon pauses to make a goofy face at you while he sets up his equipment. Heâs probably the one person who enjoys the summer nights the most because he gets to put on light shows and mix tracks to his heartâs content.Â
After letting the floor empty a bit more, you come to a stop in front of him for a quick break, crossing your arms and resting them over the top of his carpeted booth.Â
âYou gonna play something special for me tonight, Nonnie?â
He rolls his eyes but grins all the same. âYou ask me that every night.â
Laying your head on your arms, you look up at him with a pout, âAnd yet, no romantic song dedications to your favorite Wheelies girl,â you pick your head up and bat your eyes at him, âIâm starting to think you want to break up with me.â
âI promise if I want to end our made-up relationship, Iâll tell you like a real man. Besides,â Vernon laughs and tilts his chin up, looking at something behind you, âI think youâve been seeing other people. Hotter Wheels if you catch my drift.â
âHeh, I think he hates that name,â you turn, catching sight of Mingyu ducking into the locker rooms to change out and stow his bag, most likely coming straight from hockey practice. Vernon is back to messing with things when you turn, humming, âLets be real. I only like boys who donât like me, Nonnie, thatâs why youâre the one.â
âWhat if heâs like you and only goes for girls who donât want him?â
At that you laugh, preparing to depart as the floor begins to steadily fill again. âWell then, heâll be lonely forever because I am pretty sure everyone wants him.â
âIncluding you?â
Very stealthily, you flip him the bird.
Vernon just laughs it off and gets back to work as you skate away, toying with the whistle tied around your neck. You can tell heâs about to get started with his new set when the lights dim and the carpeted walls and floors outside of the polished skate floor start to glow. The little whirls and shapes coming to life with a neon purple hue.
You catch the line piling up at the rental booth but thankfully, it looks like they called in a few extra hands tonight to help there and in concessions which means you get to stay on the floor. Rentals isnât the worst, that would be birthday party hosting, but you also hate concessions so you donât put up a fuss when youâre asked to help with skates or in the front on the rare occasion one of the sweet old ladies manning the ticket windows is out.
As more people start piling onto the floor you slow your pace and skate backward for a few feet to check out your surroundings and find teenagers everywhere, loud and wildly unaware of their surroundings. They arenât too awful this early in the night but youâre sure youâll have to escort someone off the floor before closing time.
Youâll enjoy your leisurely pace for now and it seems Wonwoo is keen to do the same on the opposite side of the crowd. He weaves in and out of skaters bobbing his head to the music. His glasses are sitting lower on his nose than usual and youâre sure heâs broken them againâŚor his little brother did and heâs waiting for their exact replacement to come in so he can switch them out without his brother noticing and feeling any more guilty.Â
Heâs only eight but Wonwoo is his very best friend. They come in on Saturdays together, one of Wonwooâs only days off, and he teaches his brother to skate for an hour or so before he lets him loose in the arcade and they leave with matching ice cream cones in hand. They even have matching shaggy hairstyles. Itâs adorable.
In truth, youâre fond of many of your co-workers but Wonwoo is definitely in your top three for that reason alone. You get along really well with any easy-going personality, it's the same with Vernon. They are both just nice, quiet guys and the exact opposite of the giant shadow hanging over your left shoulder.Â
Although, you suppose you get along just fine with him as well.
âQuit checking Wonwoo out, youâre breaking my heart.â
Even before he opened his mouth, the distinct cologne he always wore told you Mingyu was finally on the floor, ready to chase you around for the rest of the night like it was his full-time job. He spent more time trying to charm your pants off than doing what he was actually hired to do but he is so damn charming that he somehow gets away with it.
Besides, this is just a part-time gig for him. Might as well enjoy himself while heâs at it.
When you donât answer right away, he decides to show off his stupidly impressive hockey maneuvers and he swings around in front of you, casually skating backward without bothering to look behind him. Heâs big enough that people canât miss him and they tend to move out of his path pretty quickly. Now that he sees your face, heâs smirking because you donât even have it in you to hide your smile tonight. âOh, thatâs pretty,â he coos, âMy heartâs healing already.â
You grab his arm to pull his hand away from his chest and he spins around to skate at your side, eyes briefly scanning the floor until theyâre back on you.Â
âI wasnât checking him out but believe me⌠youâre going to be absolutely devastated when Vernon finally admits heâs in love with me. Game over, buddy.â
Mingyu looks wholly unconvinced. âWell, heâs had long enough and youâre going to fall in love with me by the end of the week soâŚâ he pinches his lips together like heâs just delivered the real, honest, awkward truth and youâre battling butterflies in your stomach.Â
âEnd of the week, huh? Are we sure?â
He gets distracted by an increase in volume but for only a moment because Wonwoo is already on it and the quick, sharp sound of his whistle means Mingyuâs full attention is on you again. âThatâs what I have circled on my calendar,â he shrugs, âNothing we can do about it now but let it happen.â
Mingyuâs sense of humor and playful nature are the literal nails in your coffin. You can handle hot with no personalityâŚthis one is hot with an overabundance of personality.
You look up at him, probably grinning ear to ear, âBet you have little hearts doodled all over it with a hot pink gel pen, donât ya, Hot Wheels?â
He grumbles something under his breath and it makes you snicker. Wonwoo started that one and it seemed to spread throughout the building like wildfire. Now, even the ticket ladies call him Hot Wheels though youâre sure they mean it quite literally whereas Wonwoo was actually just busting Mingyuâs balls about a particularly embarrassing tumble he took.
âPurple gel pen, actually,â he turns and pouts as you both bank around the curve again, âLost my pink one.â
âCould always steal another one from your little sister.â
At that, he scoffs, the corner of his lips pulled up into a half-smile, âShe threw a Barbie car at my head the last time I visited,â he doesnât even sound upsetâŚitâs more proud than anything, âShe reminds me of you sometimes.â
When you go to respond, a young boy accidentally skates too close to you and his wheels knock into yours throwing you both off balance. You catch him by the arm, meeting his panic-stricken eyes, and wait to hit the floor but you rock back against a hard chest and thank all your lucky stars Mingyu was there to save you. The older you get, the harder the floor feels.Â
âIâm so sorry!â The boy exclaims once youâre all steady again, âIâm not good at this! I promise I wasnât trying to take you out!â
His genuine concern is sweet and you laugh it off. âItâs totally okay and nobody got hurt,â you tell him and he takes a deep breath, âWanna go around together a few times?â
The boyâs eyes shine and he nods his head rapidly. Mingyu drops back a few paces and you hold out your arm, elbow tucked into your side. âOkay,â you pat your forearm, âHold on hereâŚthere you goâŚand weâre going to push off at the same time with the same foot. Hey, Gyu,â you call over your shoulder and he comes back up to your side, waiting for your instructions, âWill you skate a little ahead of us so he can watch you?â
âFor sure,â Mingyu grins, picking up speed until heâs far enough away to slow his pace again and remain ahead of you.
The kid is a bit wobbly but heâs trying really hard and it makes you smile. You remember when you first learned to skate and how intimidating the rink was though you were around eight and he looks to be around fourteen. There wasnât a floor full of bigger, faster kids to compete with though so you think maybe you got off easier.
âYouâre doing great,â you encourage him, âWatch him go around the curve to get a better idea of how to steer yourself.â
Mingyu banks it beautifully, as usual. Itâs surprising to most people that someone his size could skate so fluidly especially after learning that he only started playing hockey in his early teens. It was just something he had a natural talent for and trading out blades for wheels hadnât altered his ability to move with grace whatsoever.
You work through the turn together, a little less smoothly, but you make it around and he lets out a short laugh. âHe makes it look so easy.â
âYeah, well heâs had lots and lots of practice and likes to show off.â
Your eyes settle on Mingyu again and as if he can sense you watching, he turns over his shoulder and winks which is not solely witnessed by you because the kid chuckles, following through the next curve with more confidence. âIs he your boyfriend? Heâs kinda cool.â
The question catches you off guard and you laugh, covering your mouth with your free hand. âNot my boyfriend but yeahâŚI guess heâs kinda cool.â
He looks up at youâŚalmost mischievously youâd think, if you knew him better. âI think he wants to be your boyfriend,â he snickers, âHe keeps looking at you.â
You huff out a laugh, placing your hand over his before swinging you both into a stop out of the way. âIâm starting to think this is all a ruse and heâs paying you to put in a good word.â
The kid laughs and shakes his head, âNo, Iâm just nosey and a really lousy skater,â he says, looking up at Mingyu whoâs come over and stopped next to you, âThanks a lot for helping me out,â he looks a little sheepish, hand reaching around to scratch the back of his neck, âThere is this girl at school I like and sheâs a figure skater. She asked me out on a date at the ice rink when she comes back from vacation with her family in two weeks and I said yes even though Iâm probably going to make a fool of myself. Figured I should start practicing now and falling on wheels is less intimidating than falling with knives on my feet.â
You laugh softly and Mingyu grins, shaking his head. âI admire your dedication to getting the girl, kid. Listen, I coach a youth hockey league at the ice rink down the road and have a free hour a few days a week that I use to practice myself. Iâd be happy to teach you if you want.â
The boyâs eyes light up. âThat would be so cool!â
Mingyu chuckles, âAlright, awesome. Are one of your parents here with you? I can go talk to them and give them my information.â
âYeah! My grandma is sitting over there,â he points to the corner where you both make out an older woman sitting alone with a book in hand, surrounded by way too many boisterous young people.Â
You meet Mingyuâs eyes and both make a face. âYikes, okay, letâs go save grandma.â
The boy thanks you again and starts to merge back into the flow of skaters as Mingyu smiles at you, pushing off with a âDonât miss me too muchâ and a stupid kissy face.Â
His grin is wild and gorgeous when you wiggle your fingers and whisper, âBye, lover boy.â
Vernon is smiling at you when you reach his booth and you hop up onto the small ledge that allows a good look at the floor as a whole while also giving your legs a needed break. Heâs playing one is his 80âs to 90âs pop mixes and tweaking the rotating lights that dance over the skaters until they start changing colors, neon polka dots as far as the eye can see.Â
There is a steady exchange of kids coming on and off the floor. Most of the early group heading into the arcade or bombarding the concessions counter while the later crowd takes their place. In between all that, you catch sight of Mingyu speaking with the boy and his Grandma. You donât even realize that youâre unabashedly smiling at the scene, thinking about how kind and attentive he is when heâs listening. The way he leans in and pulls back, grinning and laughing.Â
âStill think youâre not into him?â Vernon says over your shoulder, laughing when you startle.
You purse your lips, eyes wandering back over. âIâm simply admiring his social aptitude,â you flick your eyes back up to Vernon and grin, âWhy? Is it making you jealous darling?â
He smirks, âNot yet. Gonna have to try harder.â
âUgh,â you swoon, hand over your heart, âI love it when you play hard to get.â
Vernon nods his head laughing, âYeahhhh, I know you do.â Then he notices youâve got your eye on an issue that needs handling and reaches out to pat the top of your head, âTwo more hours and they all have to go home to be someone elseâs responsibility. Iâll throw in some of your favorite jams.â
Ten oâclock couldnât come soon enough but you appreciate his offer and toss out a few songs for consideration though heâs pretty familiar with your tastes. You step back down onto the floor and blow Vernon a kiss when you immediate recognzie the song heâs jumped intoâŚjust for you.
 âYou really are the best. Check on you in a bit, undercover lover.â
He throws up a peace sign and you cut across the floor to ask a couple of kids who were just blowing and popping bubbles to go spit out their gum as itâs clearly stated that it's not allowed on the floor. They donât love your request and start to argue but Mingyu sneaks up behind you again and dazzles them with a smile. Just like that, the two young girls start giggling and falling all over themselves to do exactly as askedâŚall because the pretty guy said âPleaseâ.Â
Itâs comical, honestly.Â
Mingyu is smirking when he rolls along beside you, bending at the waist to peek up at your face because itâs aimed at the floor as you try to school your features. Heâs so irritatingly flirtatious and youâre too quickly playing into his hand tonight. Youâre usually better than this, holding out well until youâre pulling out of the parking lot.Â
âOh, yeah,â he intones, âTonight is definitely the night. Youâre giving in. You canât resist me any longer. It was bound to happen. Youâre still smiling! I can see it!â
Laughing, you pull your head up and give him a look that you would have loved to be firm but itâs not in the slightest. How can you be serious when he is so not serious? âDonât you dare,â you warn with a loose laugh tacked on at the end, âI told you, weâre not going on a date.â
Mingyu shrugs, âSo, movies tomorrow night?â
âDonât you work tomorrow?â
He bats his eyes with a saccharine smile, âI love that you know my schedule by heart,â he ignores your eye roll, âWonuâs covering my shift since he owed me one and also because heâs a true romantic. Heâs rooting for us and we canât disappoint him.â
âWell, I suppose if itâs what Wonwoo wantsâŚâ you look up at him, eyes glittering with excitement, âWhen are you picking me up?â
For as calm and cool as Mingyu keeps it on the outside, heâs buzzing on the inside because heâs been toying around with the idea of taking you out forever. And heâs askedâŚmore than onceâŚbut youâve kept him on his toes and heâs enjoyed the playing the game but heâs elated that youâre finally saying yes.
He tries to school is face but heâs still beaming as he tries to casually say, âIâll pick you up at seven.â
âSeven?â you snicker, âIsnât that a little late to get started? You keeping me out all night?â
He just shrugs, grinning. âMaybe.â
Mingyu shows up nearly twenty minutes early and you can see his car outside your condo. He doesnât make a move to get out and itâs amusing to watch as he nervously drums his fingers on the steering wheel for a few beats before reaching for the door like heâs going to get out, and then shaking his head before resuming the fidgeting. Itâs also a relief to know heâs feeling the same jitters you are.Â
The thought crossed your mind to pop your head out to wave him inside but he might be giving himself a pep-talk and youâre still contemplating your outfit.Â
The movie theater is always so cold. You debated the pros and cons of wearing something short-sleeved because on one hand, if youâre cold it might prompt your date to keep you warm but on the other hand, if he didnât, youâd be freezing the whole time.Â
You could bring a jacket, but thatâs an extra thing to carry.Â
Digging through your closet, you pull out a fuzzy black long-sleeved sweater. You hold it out, admiring the way itâs cropped a little shorter in the front, and then turn back to the mirror, holding it up to your chest. It would look cute with the Leviâs youâre wearingâŚdecisions, decisions.
A car horn beeps and you peer out of your window seeing Mingyu rigid behind the wheel. You laugh, thinking he probably did not mean to do it and is embarrassed at having accidentally made too much noise. Thatâs pretty obvious by the way heâs looking around, paranoid and frustrated. Itâs actually super cute and youâre lingering by the window now just admiring him from afar without care
Until you see Mingyu cut the engine and get out of the car. Then the panic sets in because youâre still not ready and wellâŚitâs the first time heâs seeing you outside of work and not in uniform. You want him to be wowed and are probably still taking too long to get moving considering how brisk of a stride you know his to be. Heâll be here any second.
You scramble to pull on the sweater in your hands and run into the bathroom to grab your gold hoops, fix your hair, and check your makeup one last time. Your heart is racing but you smile at your reflection. He sees you all the time at work looking not even half as done-up as you are right now and thinks youâre a solid 10, so there isnât really any doubt heâll be pleased. Then the doorbell rings.Â
A few deep breaths to calm your nerves comes first. When you open the door, Mingyuâs mouth is fixed like he had a line locked and loaded but when he sees you, he chokes on the words. Heâs so flustered that he stumbles back a step, laughing at himself. âOh, youâre not going to take it easy on me, are you?â
That lights you up from the inside out and brings your confidence back around full circle.
âHave I ever made things easy for you?â you snicker, grabbing your purse off the hook by the door, âI think you like a challenge.â
âNah, I just like you,â he smirks, tongue poking the end of his pointed canine as he watches you close and lock the door, trying his hardest to be respectful, âYou look really good. Have I said that yet?â
Stashing your keys in your purse, you turn and grin up at him. âYou alluded to it but I wouldnât mind hearing you say it out loud.â
Always playing and teasing and flirting. Itâs almost too much for you both to bear at this point.Â
âIâll tell you as many times as you want,â he says softly but he reaches toward you, slipping his hand just behind your hip to pull you closer with a bold, sharp tug. Startled, you bump right into Mingyuâs chest and look up at him with wide eyes. He doesnât say anything for a minute and then tilts his head back, sighing into the sky above. Heâs mostly amused when he looks back at you.
âYou look incredibleâŚand we should get in the car before I ruin the illusion of me being a gentleman.â
âThat image has been splintering for a while but I donât think Iâll mind if a manner or two slips,â you tease as you pull apart, taking the time to look him up and downâŚ
Light-washed jeans, crisp white t-shirt, open flannel hanging off his broad shouldersâŚâYou look really good too,â you murmur in appreciation.
Heâs about to sweating straight through his shirt if you keep looking at him like that.
â...yepâŚtime to go,â he mumbles, pinching is lips together as he grabs your hand. He pulls you toward the parking lot which isnât far, and opens the door for you to slip into his passenger seat. He doesnât let go until youâre settled and takes it a touch further when he reaches in and grabs the seatbelt before you. His hand purposely grazes against the exposed skin between your pants and top as he buckles you in and you let out the breath you were holding the second he closes your door.
Itâs getting more difficult to play hard-to-get by the millisecond but youâre willing to give in first if your reward is Mingyu breaking down bit by bit right in front of you.Â
You bite your lip to keep from giggling when he quickly rounds the car and settles into his seat next to you. Heâs still shaking his head, quietly laughing at himself for getting so easily worked up. He turns over the engine, shifting into drive, and peers over at you with an air of disbelief.Â
âIâm starting to think weâre gonna have to sit in separate rows at this rate.â
Thankfully, the tension melts into easy banter and conversation on the ride to the theater. Mingyu entertains you with stories about his family and asks after yours, specifically your beloved niece whom he loves hearing about. He lets you toy around with his radio and blare some Spice Girls song that neither of you sings along to with the correct pitchâŚor words. Itâs a blast either way.
Bold flirtation aside, Mingyu has always been a gentleman where it counts.
When you arrive at the movie theater, he opens all the doors, holds your hand every chance he gets, pays for your tickets and snacks despite your protesting, and lets you choose where to sit. The theater isnât very full, though the movie you both decided on has been out for a while so itâs not all that surprising to see so many open seats. There are a few people scattered here and there and you donât particularly love sitting next to others if you can avoid it.Â
That leaves the very front or the very back.Â
You glance over your shoulder at Mingyu, patiently waiting for you to decide, âYou really donât care?âÂ
He shakes his head again with a soft smile and you sigh looking back at the open seats, âI donât like being super closeâŚare you okay with sitting up top?â
Mingyuâs eyes scan the very empty top rows and widen like he hadnât actually realized how secluded they were until just now. âTotally cool,â he manages after a moment, âLead the way.â
âOh boy,â you whisper to yourself, turning to make your way up the stairs. You have to focus ahead and calculate the distance of each step so you donât screw up and trip because that would be awfully embarassing. Itâs dark, cold, and quiet, and there is a huge gap between the section youâre headed toward and the next closest couple sitting in the middle.Â
The very last row was almost too intimidating as if it somehow was the designated spot reserved for horny, depraved teenagers, and you were mid-twenty adultsâŚso you stopped once you hit the second to last row and cut in a few seats before deciding that sitting in the middle was also weird so you dropped into the fourth seat from the aisle and forced yourself to stay put.Â
PIcking a seat and sticking with it has never been so daunting before.
Mingyu doesnât say anything at all about your choice, much to your relief. If he cracked a joke about it, you think you might just burst at the seams. He just sits down in the seat next to you folding his very large frame into the too-tight space between the armrests. Youâre both quiet as the lights dim and the previews start rolling but you can still feel him wiggling and adjusting himself next to you.
Your eyes meet when he accidentally bumps your arm and you smile at the fact that he is genuinely embarrassed, for no reason at all other than unintentionally taking up extra space. âIâm so sorry,â he whispers, âI donât remember the seats feeling this cramped.â
âItâs really okay,â you turn, tucking his elbow safely into his side as you lift the armrest between you to give him more room, âWe can share.â
âAre you sure?â his eyes seek yours again in the darkness, âI donât want you to be uncomfortable.â
You quietly snicker at his worry when he was the one being so brazen with your proximity earlier. At the same time, you can appreciate his consideration and reassure him with a gentle smile. âI really donât mindâŚthe extra body heat is appreciated.â
You can feel the moment Mingyu lets the tension flow out of his body. His shoulders relax until your arms touch lightly, his legs spread a little further apart as he sinks into his seat, firm thigh now pressed to the outside of your own. Heâs warm and his cologne, as usual, is so rich and alluring that you know youâre going to be fighting the urge to mold yourself to his side for the next hour and a half.Â
Surprisingly, the movie isnât half bad even though it was one you chose because every other film out was either super sad or overtly romantic and neither genre felt like a good fit for a first date. âBlack Maskâ had a decent balance of action scenes and suspense that pretty easily kept your eyes on the screen, at least for a little while, sharing sour gummy worms and a soda between the two of you.Â
Your attention began to wane after the third time you bumped hands with Mingyu and it was lost entirely when he decided to simply hold your hand instead. Movie plot gone in an instant.
Instead of the screen, your eyes fall to your joined hands resting in his lap. They climb up to his chest, slowly rising and falling with each measured breath. Carefully, you let them slide higher, admiring the shadows projected over his throat and jaw. Higher to admire his handsome face. Higher again, just to get a little more of him, and when you get there, you find him staring back.
Neither of you shy away this time. Mingyu nervously licks his lips and his eyes flit down to yours, only for a second, just to reassure himself that youâre both on the same wavelength even though the chemistry between you has always been pretty clear. He still hesitates before he leans closer but youâre done waiting and choose to kiss him first.Â
Itâs soft, brief, and when you part, you can see the smile on his handsome face and it brings the butterflies in your stomach back to life all over again. He cups your cheek and pulls you back into another kiss, and then another, and another. A million times youâd thought about kissing Mingyu and this was still far better than any youâd imagined thus far. Â
Actually kissing him highlights the small details you were missing. The bits of it that are unique and a part of him only. Itâs the way his thumb strokes against your cheek, how he tilts his face and changes his angle so fluidly that you follow him like itâs completely natural, the tender way heâs slow to let go of your bottom lip and how he kisses it afterward.Â
Itâs certainly not your first kiss or even the first time youâve made out with someone at the movies, but this feels entirely new. Mingyu is not some hopped up, horny kid. He takes his time with you, heâs gentle, patient. Itâs not sloppy or rushed. He isnât trying to clumsily cop a feel the whole time, though, you think youâd probably let him and that he wouldnât fumble around at all. It feels like he knows exactly what heâs doing, even if he doesnât.
You hope that you feel natural to him too.
He pulls back with a slow hum of appreciation and thatâs good enough for you.. When your eyes meet, youâre both smiling, and Mingyu takes that as his good sign. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and tucks you into his side until he feels your body relax against his and you finish the movie just like that.Â
Well, youâre both looking at the screen but youâre more focused on the way he continues to kiss your hair every few minutes and heâs locked on to the feeling of your nails gently drawing a line up and down his thigh.Â
Eventually, the lights come on and youâre a little slow to untangle as the rest of the theater clears out. Itâs entirely empty by the time either of you hit the stairs.Â
âSoooo,â Mingyu hums, trailing behind you half a step, âThoughtsâŚopinionsâŚ? On the movie, of course.â
You laugh without turning around and nod your head, âRightâŚthe movie, yeah. Just as the trailer promised,â you focus on your feet moving a step at a time and not tripping, âPerfectly executed action sequences.â
He grins to himself, tucking his chin into his chest. âIâm glad it lived up to all the hype,â he balances his weight on one foot before taking the next step, âNothing worse than all that anticipation ending in disappointment.â
You peer over your shoulder at him, smiling coyly, âOh, no disappointment here. Iâm sure iâll be thinking about it for quite some time.â
He huffs out a laugh, âAre we talking about the movie or the kiss?â
âWhat kiss?â you smirk, quickly turning around to hurry down the rest of the steps but heâs right behind you the whole way.
Just as you whip around the corner and into the dim hallway that leads to the exit, Mingyu catches you around the waist and pins you up against the wall. You can feel his heart thudding under your palms, the thrill of excitement hardly contained in his chest as his lips crash into yours.Â
Disappointment is so very far from your realm of feeling at the moment. Any expectation you had, which admittedly was already pretty high, was shattered and elevated yet another level each time his tongue danced across the seam of your lips or when his hands made another pass over your body.
From the beginning, you theorized that Mingyu was more than just a smooth talker. You had him pegged as a man with follow-through and youâre simply rolling in it, knowing you were right, and now youâre experiencing it for yourself which makes things that much more gratifying.Â
Mingyu was a certified lover boy. Called and confirmed it.
The very best part, you think to yourself as you feel him grin against your lips, is that heâs yoursâŚor at least, he wants to be. You donât have to let him know heâs already won.
Heâs still smiling when you slide your hands over his arms, pointedly squeezing the ample muscle there, and he finishes you off with a few final, fluttering kisses.Â
When your eyes meet, there is a buzz of nervous laughter and Mingyu again asks, âSo, the movie or the kiss?â
Your gaze drifts back down to his mouth and your stomach twists torturously when his knowing smirk reveals a prettily pointed canine. The same thatâs bitten into your bottom lip a few times already this evening. You look back up and narrow your eyes playfully, âI donât recall any kissi-â
He leans back down, slotting his lips against yours and the second he so much as breathes the door at the end of the hall clicks open and you hear two voices, likely the staff coming to clean the theater, and here you two delinquints are still splattered against the wall playing tonsil hockey.Â
Mingyu freezes and your eyes are wide as saucers. âGo, go around the other way!â
You have to slip out from under his frame and drag him a few feet before his mind catches up and youâre both scrambling back across the theater to the exit on the opposite side. As quietly as you can, you peek out of the small window to make sure the coast is clear and pop the door open for you both to come tumbling out.Â
The wide corridor outside the theater is mercifully empty but the adrenaline in your bodiesâ leaves you jogging toward the side exit, laughter bubbling up and out into the open space around you. Itâs all so silly and exhilarating, and when Mingyu grabs your hand, pulling you through the doors out into that warm summer air, youâre sure you canât remember the last time youâve felt soâŚalive.Â
Or maybe there is just something about the moon and stars, and the way their enchanting glow seems to make everything in their wake just a little more beautiful. Heâs one of those things - bright, beautiful, feathered and soft around the edges.Â
Youâve stopped to catch your breath but it remains trapped in your chest the longer you look at him. Itâs suddenly a little heavy, this crush of yours, weighed down by impression of his hands on your hips, your face, the small of your back. Flirting and teasing was easy. Agreeing to finally go out with him was easy. Realizing the potential for more was real and standing in front of you was a shock to your system because youâre uncovering very quickly how much you want that with him.
âWe should definitely go to dairy queen.â
It takes a minute to process his words and then with a little shake, you lift your head to find Mingyu smiling back down at you. âFeels like the movie might have left you with a lot to think about and nothing helps me sort through my head quite like ice cream.â
You cock your head to the side, the tension in your chest evaporating just like that.
âHave you always this charming?â
âWhen I put in the extra effort, which is only for you, sure,â he chuckles, using your joined hands to pull you a little closer as you walk alongside eachother through the parking lot, âIâm not everyoneâs cup of tea though.â
âI donât believe that for a second,â you scoff, bumping into his arm with your shoulder, âEveryone loves you. Iâve seen it with my own two eyes.â
His tongue pokes into his cheek, rolling his eyes skyward, âYou missed the guy I had to escort out of the rink a couple weeks ago who took a few swings at me in the parking lot. Pretty sure he was not enthralled by my dazzling smile and strapping good looks.â
âOne personâŚthatâs all you got?â
Reaching his car, Mingyu opens the passenger door for you and waits until youâre seated and looking up at him expectantly. He licks his lips and smirks, âBuckle up, youâre in for a ride.â
After grabbing ice cream, you decided making your date drive over to the shore was favorable to sitting on the sticky red tables outside the DQ, so instead, youâre sitting side by side on a small gym towel he miraculously had in his trunk, eating your deserts and swapping stories to the tune of the gentle waves crashing ashore.Â
So far, youâve learned that the sole reason Mingyu got into hockey in the first place was because he was in constant trouble as a kidâŚin school, at home, or literally anywhere else he happened to be. His poor mother tried to put him in every sport and hobby she could think of to keep him busy and out of trouble but baseball wasnât a fit, basketball ended in another fist fight and suspension, football benched a few and landed one kid in the hospital, and any form of martial arts was out of the question.Â
Finally, she found an ad in the newspaper for boyâs hockey team tryouts and the rest was history. You can clearly hear the admiration in his voice when he spoke about his original coach and his teammates. How it was touch and go from the start but no matter how much hot water he found himself in, they wouldnât quit on him. When he realized that, he started pouring all of his pent up energy into the game and it changed him in all the best ways. Itâs the whole reason he coaches todayâŚto be someone who can make a positive change in a kidâs life the way his coach did for him.
Honestly, itâs hard to imagine Mingyu as anything other than the kind, gentle, playful guy you know him to be but everyone grows and changes. He still has a wild sort of glint in his eyes at times that lead you to believe every word heâs said about his younger years.Â
The sea breeze is crisp and almost a little chilly despite the warm air it mixes with so you push a little closer into Mingyuâs side and he wraps an arm around your shoulders. âCold?â
âA bit,â you roll your head toward him, resting it against the crook of his shoulder, âKinda just wanted to be close to you againâŚdespite your delinquent past, I think I like you a little.â
âA little?â he smirks, eyes darting to your mouth briefly, âI think you like me a lot.â
Scrunching your nose, you make a face at him and he tosses his head back and laughs.Â
âIf you donât admit it soon Iâm going to have to make a huge, probably embarrassing, for you, romantic gesture,â he counters, looking very half-serious, âA big old fashioned declaration of loveâŚin publicâŚloudly.â
âYouâre still a little shit, arenât you?â
âDonât pretend you arenât loving the reformed bad boy thing.â Heâs spot on because Mingyu is the exact kind of guy you would have had a crush on back then too.Â
You let out a long sigh and pick your head up, leaning to the side to bury your now-empty cup in the sand so it doesnât blow away just like Mingyu had on his side. In the process, Mingyu slips his arm a little lower on your back, his hand curled around your hip to keep you balanced. You love every single point of contact so you fall right back into his side when you sit up again.
âTo be fair, I think youâre only partly reformed,â more smirking, âMhm, thatâs exactly what I mean,â you hum in amusement, âListen, Iâll give inâŚjust a littleâŚand admit that there are a lot of things I love about you..â
âIâm listening,â he purrs, ready for the boost in confidence youâre surely about to give him. Anything that could even vaguely resemble a compliment would send him over the moon coming from you.Â
âI love the wayâŚyou genuinely enjoy helping people,â you start quietly, soothing the subtle nerves beginning to tingle in your fingertips, âI love that you put so much time and effort into coaching your kids and how much you love talking about themâŚhow youâll roll your eyes and shake your head telling me stories about them and yet you always finish with a smile because âtheyâre a handful but theyâre good kidsââ
Mingyu snorts softly and you knowingly ask, âThereâs lots of little Mingyuâs on your team, arenât there?â
He nods slowly, pushing the tip of his tongue against his teeth. âOhhh yeahhh,â he breathes out with a light chuckle, âI understand now why my coach made me run drills until I dropped. Iâve got a couple that have already outshined my reputation at their age and some days itâs a battle of wills but theyâve come along way,â he ducks his head, grinning, âHoping theyâre the extent of my karma and it doesnât come back to bite me in the ass when I have kids one day.â
He makes a face right after he says it and looks down at you almost apologetically, âWas that weird to say on a first date? I feel like thatâs something youâre supposed to avoid but youâre easy to talk to and words just fall out of my mouth sometimes.â
âYou donât have to apologize,â you laugh, quirking an eyebrow at him, âI know itâs a first date but weâre not strangers, besides, Iâve always just assumed you were a family kind of guy. You talk about yours all the time, super close with your little sister, and from all iâve witnessed, youâre just kinda great with kids in general,â you shrug, easing his worry, âI promise, itâs not a shock to me that youâd want your own and Iâll save you the torture of wondering whether to ask or notâŚyes, Iâd like to have kids someday. Someday farrrrr away in the future.â
âOh, good,â he chuckles, âMe too...lightyears away.â
Itâs not on either of your radars currently but itâs nice to know that you have common goals for the future. It leaves a brief pause in the conversation, though not an uncomfortable one. Just a quiet moment to soak things in.Â
First date, first kiss(es), and itâs all goingâŚperfectly.Â
Itâs one thing to flirt and banter with a cute co-worker but taking the leap and going on a date together is a whole different game. There are very real feelings on both sides of the court and the potential for something real and permanent is so palpable you can feel it pushing you closer to one another. Leap again. Put yourself out there and trust the other will catch you.
Mingyu breaks the silence first and you feel his fingers twitch against your back.Â
âI really like you,â he says steadily, like that was the easy part, âI think youâre beautiful inside and out, stop laughing iâm being serious,â he grins and you try to reel it in for his sake, âMy first day on the job I was blatantly called out and laughed at by Wonwoo after he caught me spacing out and staring at you for the third timeâŚI donât think I even made it an hour into my shift before I was hooked.â
âOh, I thought you were being serious?â you grin.
âShhhh,â he counters, âIâm not done.â
âWhere was I? Oh yeahâŚyouâre a good friend and a good person, and I like having you in my life,â he says softly, picking up your hand and pulling it into his lap, âI want to bring you home to meet my family so my mom can drag out the photo albums the way sheâs always joked about doing while my sister spends the whole time telling you embarrassing things about me. They would like like you a lot. The boys on my team already like you.â
âOh?â
He laughs, âOh yeah, theyâre always in my business and I made the mistake of bringing you up at a practice once so youâre a regular topic of discussion. I should have known I was doomed from then on and theyâre brutal sometimes. One kid called me a loser because heâs fourteen and has a girlfriend and I donât.â
âIs that how youâre asking me out? Trying to get the sympathy vote because youâre getting picked on by a bunch of kids?â you smirk.
âMaybeâŚis it working?â he asks, gaze dipping to your mouth for the millionth time tonight.
âI donât know yet,â you inch a little closer, âMaybe you should try softening me up a little more before you ask again.â
He pauses, hovering just a breadth away from your face and his open mouth pulls into a sly grin, âBy any means necessary?â
âDo what you have to do I suppos-â
âNiiccceee hickey.â
You slap a hand over the mark you swore youâd covered well enough with concealor, apparently not, and whip your head in Vernonâs direction. âCan you not announce it loud enough for everyone to hear?â
Vernon glances side to side. âThere is literally no one except us in here and that thing announced itself.â
âWhat thing?âÂ
Wonwoo comes in and drops his bag on the wooden bench, pulling out his uniform top to shrug over his shoulders. His glasses sit askew on his face and you really hope heâs got good insurance because theyâre always in awful shape.Â
You turn and press your forehead against the cool metal of your locker door and Vernon chuckles, stowing his things noisely. âThe physical evidence to prove that her date went abundantly well.â
Wonwoo smirks, walking closer to pry your hand away from your neck. He whistles. âDamn, Mingyuâs a biterâŚnot surprised. Good luck hiding that thing - itâs going to be with you for a while.â
âOk. Hickey expert. Thanks for your input,â you grumble.
He shrugs. âWe all have interests and hobbies, and youâre welcome.â
You roll your eyes and turn around, leaning back against your locker with a pout. âIâm kinda nervous that weâre working together tonight for the first time since we went out. Do you think it will be weird?âÂ
Vernon makes a goofy face. âWhy would it be weird? I thought you said everything went well and youâre like, dating now? Did something happen?â
âNo, everything was great,â you slump down a little further, âLikeâŚtoo great. Iâm trying not to jinx things or be weird. Are we too old to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend? Is that a thing for adults? Or did we grow out of that after high school?â
Wonwoo rolls his eyes, fixing the notch on his belt, âNo, weâre not too old for that. Heâs your boyfriend. Youâre his girlfriend. Simple.â
âIs it?â you reply with a unintentional snap that doesnât phase either of them.
Vernon sits on the bench in front of you and stretches his back out, groaning like an old man. âYes, simple. You like him and he likes you, and you have fun together. I fail to see the problem.â
âYeah, thatâs like, the opposite of a problem,â Wonwoo agrees, âBesidesâŚbeing left alone in the rink after hours sounds mighty convenient if you ask me.â
Snapping your jaw shut, your eyes widen, âWhat exactly are you suggesting?â
Wonwoo smirks, âIâm not suggesting anything but an opportunist would use their imagination.â
Both you and Vernon peg Wonwoo with a suspicious stare.
âWith all due respect,â you say slowly, your eyebrow steadily raising with each word, âI didnât think you rolled like that.â
âNeither did I,â Vernon adds, equally intrigued.
âYouâre kind of a freak, arenât you?â
âWhoâs a freak?â
All three of you startle and whirl around to see Mingyu coming through the door. His hair is wet, likely freshly showered after hockey practice, and heâs looking at each of you with a clueless grin.Â
âNothing and no one!â you reply with a grin, already floating toward the hunk in the doorway, âHi.â
âHi,â he grins down at you, âI see you and I got stuck closing tonight.âÂ
You swallow down the knot in your throat and hold up a middle finger behind your back directed at Vernon and Wonwooâs snickering.Â
âYep,â you bounce on your toes, âJust you and IâŚclosing everything downâŚtogetherâŚtonight.â
Mingyuâs lips pinch together to hold in a laugh. You were always so bold and confident when it came to teasing him and now, he can tell youâre having to make a great effort to hold it all together. âIâm sure weâll find a way to make it fun,â he chooses, satisfied when your eyes widen just a touch, âI think Jimâs looking for you by the way. If youâre done getting-âÂ
âYes,â you squeeze his arms and then move past him at lightening speed, rushing out the door.Â
Mingyu just stands there and laughs quietly before looking up to see the grin on Vernon and Wonwooâs faces. âAlright, how much did she tell you?â
âDidnât have to tell us much at all.â
Wonwoo shakes his head. âThe bite marks you left told us everything we needed to know.â
Mingyuâs eyes drop to the floor as he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. Heâs glad the ones you left on him are covered by his collar because he just barely got away with blaming it on equipment mishandling when one of the older boys in his youth league pointed one out with a mischievous laugh.
Vernon claps a hand over his shoulder on his way out the door causing Mingyu to look back up again. âHappy for you, dude. Sheâs a good one.â
Mingyu smiles softly, âThanks, man.â
When he leaves, Mingyu pushes further into the room and starts getting himself situated, glancing over at Wonwoo every now and then like heâs waiting for him to say something.
âI can feel you staring,â Wonwoo mumbles, eyes now glued to his Game Boy Pocket as he tries to save his progress from earlier.
Mingyu shrugs his shoulders up to his ears, pushing his bag into his locker.Â
Wonwoo puts his game down and looks up. âWhaddaya want, Hot Wheels?â
He pauses, making a face at the nickname, and then carefully asks, âOn a scale of one to ten, how bad of an idea is it for me to-â
âMake a move tonight?â
Mingyuâs mouth pops open. âOh,â he blinks, âYou read minds too?â
Wonwoo sighs and leans back a touch, both hands gripping the edge of the bench beneath him. âTo be fair, thatâs exactly what Iâd be thinking about if I were in your position. Empty buildingâŚgorgeous girlfriendâŚâ
Mingyu scoffs, âAlright, easyâŚâ
He gets a smirk in return and Wonwoo stands, stretching his long limbs. âIâm not wrong and also not interested in your girl so relax,â he leans down and tugs on the laces of his skates and then straightens out, âYou both think too much. Just be normal. Do the same lovey dovey, flirty shit you always do and see how the night goes.â
âYouâre kind of good at this,â Mingyu compliments, his lips pulling into a half-smirk, âWhat do you get up to when youâre off the clock and not playing big brother of the year?â
Nearing the door, Wonwoo just turns over his shoulder and tosses Mingyu a wink.
Heâs handed out enough advice for one night.
You were still jittery when Mingyu joined you out on the floor but falling into the same routine was pretty simple, just like Vernon and Wonwoo said, and it took loads of anxious tension off your shoulders. If anything, Mingyu was more playful with his teasing and a little more bold with his physical affection when others werenât paying attention.Â
It was like a game of how flustered he could make you without getting in trouble for fooling around on the job. The floor was crowded which simply meant he got to stay a little closer to you without looking suspicious which allowed him to find out how fun it was to pull you around by the belt loops of your pants.Â
He loved the little noise of surprise you let out every time he snuck up behind you, hooking his finger through the loop to tug you back against his chest where he pretended to tell you something important. Like he was just trying to talk to you over the sound of the music when he had nothing but more teasing to whisper in your ear.Â
The hours flew by unnoticed and before long, you were bidding your last goodbyes to the rest of the staff having finished their own cleaning and closing duties.Â
Mingyu went into the office to toy with the audio system after you asked to throw something on just so it wasnât silent in the big dark building while you followed Vernon and Wonwoo to the doors to lock up after them.Â
Vernon shifts his bag on his shoulder and cuts a sideways glance in your direction. âYou gonna be okay?â
You shrug, touched and confused heâd asked. âYeah, Iâve closed up a million times. All good.â
Wonwoo pats the top of your head like a puppy. They both have a habit of that.
âHe meant, are you gonna be okay here alone with Mingyu? Are you comfortable with us leaving - not that I think heâd ever do something to hurt or upset youâŚIâd kill him and he knows itâŚbut you give us the word and weâll stay.â
âOh,â you blink and wave your hands dismissively, âNo, weâre good! I was just worried about being a loser earlier but weâre totally fine!â
âWe thought so,â Vernon grins, pushing the glass door open, âJust checking.â
Itâs sweet and embarrassing that theyâd thought to ask and you tell them as much as you gently push Vernon through the doorway. âThought for a minute you were finally ready to confess,â you joke, fake pout on your lips and all, âIâll drop him like a hot potato if you ask, Nonnie.â
Wonwoo follows him out and laughs, âYouâre full of shit but Iâm sure he appreciates the sentiment. By the way, if you find yourself in needâŚJihoon keeps condoms in his locker.â
You slap a hand over your mouth, covering your shocked laughter. âFirst of all, mind your business and second, what the hell?!â
Vernon shrugs, âMan likes to be prepared I guess!â
âŚ.Line cooks are one of a kind. Truly.
Youâre shaking your head as they wave goodbye and walk off toward Wonwooâs car as it must have been his turn to carpool. Pulling the doors shut, you carefully lock each one and double check them before turning on your heel and then the music cuts on over the speakers. Itâs not crazy loud but enough to keep the odd sounds that accompany a big old building from rattling in your ears.Â
Mingyu pops his head out of the office when you round the corner and you cock your head in question, âBeastie Boys?â
âCouldnât get the discs to work so radio it is,â he shrugs, âI can find something else if you want.â
You shake your head, brushing past his shoulder into the small office to sit down and reconcile the financials for the night. âIâm not picky. Did you already grab the bags from the registers?â
He nods, âYep, everythingâs there and Jim left the keys for the safe in the desk,â Mingyu squeezes your shoulders when you sit down and you smile up at him. âIâm going to knock out the kitchen and rental walk-throughs while you count if thatâs okay? After that we will just have shut down the arcade and I can take out the left over trash bags.â
âThat would be amazing,â you tell him, head still cushioned against the office chair as you smile lazily up at him, âI just love a man that knows how to take charge and get the job done.â
He immediately chokes out a laugh and turns on his heel muttering something about how âheâs not going to get anything done if you keep that upâ as he walks away.
It takes another full minute to bring the task at hand back into focus and you have to consciously fight off the intrusive inappropriate thoughts clouding your brain when itâs supposed to be crunching numbers. You even have to recount a few bags because the image of Mingyu sitting you on the desk youâre working at to do dirty things with you keeps popping into your head and itâs getting harder and harder to focus. After probably twice the amount of time it usually takes you to do the financials, youâre finally done and locking the safe when Mingyu returns.Â
âOh, hey,â you perk up when you notice him in the doorway, âReady to go do the arcade?â
âAlready done,â he snickers, âI came back after walk-throughs and caught you cursing and restarting your counts so I just went ahead and finished up the list.â
âOh!â you shift on your feet, â...guess weâre all done then.â
Mingyu crosses his arms, leaning against the door frame looking extra swoon-worthy. Not a single poster of your favorite 80s and 90s heartthrobs plastered to the walls of your old bedroom held a candle to the picture in front of you and he knows it.Â
âYou sound disappointed. Iâm sure we could find other things to do if you wanna stay a little longer,â his eyes shift over to the audio system, still playing a mix of alternative and pop hits, and fixes his eyes back on you, âEver considered making out with someone in an empty skating rink with No Doubt playing over the speakers?â
âCanât say I have. What about you?â
Mingyu grins, shifting his weight to tower over you, âThought just now crossed my mind.â
He slides one hand beneath your jaw and the other over your hip, slotting his lips against yours as he walks you back until you bump into the desk behind you. After teasing you with your belt loops all night, you decide to return the favor, licking at the seam of his lips as you hook your fingers in his front loops and pull him closer. He laughs against your lips and pulls back to meet your eyes. âThatâs my move.â
âI liked it, so I think Iâll steal it,â you smirk, tugging at the loops still.
âWe should probably get our things and head out before I do something stupid and incredibly irresponsible,â he chuckles though there is a very real edge to his tone like heâs trying hard to behave himself right now.
âWhat kind of stupid and irresponsible things?â you test him, releasing his belt loops to hook your index finger into the waist band of his pants instead, âI might be interested.â
The hand on your hip squeezes and he bites out a laugh. âWhoâs the delinquent now?â
âStill you, but I recounted those bags because I kept getting interrupted by steamy office fantasies popping into my head so if youâd rather take me home before we make questionable decisions, we should probably leave now.â
He groans, torn between having to wait or giving in and having you right here, right now. The cons would be that itâs A.) your work place, B.) itâs not the cleanest place to hook up, and C.) he has to wait when his body is begging him otherwise.
As luck has it, you decide for him.
âCan we go to your place? My roommate is home tonight and sheâs got hard rules against hooking up when the other is home. She doesnât even really like when I have friends over but her name is on the lease so I donât argue much.â
Mingyu shuts off his internal debate processing, grateful to have you choose for the both of you. âMy roommates work the late shift at the bar on 89th so they will probably come home at some point but they donât care about guestsâŚor girlfriends. We respect that rule in regards to privacy.â
âUgh,â you rolls your eyes, relaxing in his hold, âThat must be so nice. Got an extra room at your place?â
âGot plenty of space for you in mine,â he smirks, âAlright let me grab our bags from the locker room and weâll get out of here. Did you drive?â
You shake your head, moving to turn off the audio system, âNo, I took the bus today.â
âSweet, weâll take my car home and wonât have to worry about leaving yours.â
Itâs funny how youâre both being so casual at the moment as if you werenât pinned up against the desk, debating whether you should desecrate the business office, and now youâre both going about your normal routines as if you didnât just agree that youâre leaving to go directly to his place to hook up for the first time.Â
It catches up with you when Mingyu pulls up to the front of his shared beach house and cuts the engine. You look at the light blue house and catch the subtle sounds of the ocean not far off. âI had no idea you lived on the island,â you share as you get out of the car and walk together toward the door.Â
Mingyu hands you the key and takes your bag so you can open the door. âYeah, weâve been here about a year now. Used to share a condo a little further in but we spend a lot of time at the beaches here so when this place opened up we snagged it as quick as we could.â
Pushing inside, itâs exactly what you imagine a triad of bachelors to live in. Everything is clean but the couch is a futon, there are two cd towers filled with music youâd love to check out, a few bean bag chairs, a stereo system big enough to take up half a wall, and theres a couple of empty corona bottles spread on the low table in the living room next to a few gaming controllers.Â
Mingyu groans when he sees them and glances over apologetically. âI definitely asked them to clean those up when I left this morning. Youâd think a couple of bartenders would know how to recycle empty beer bottles. I swear we have manners.â
You laugh and follow him to what you assume is his bedroom down the hall. He opens the door and drops both bags next to his dresser before flicking on a lamp. âWasnât expecting to bring you back here so I am glad my cleaning habits are something of use,â he pulls open a drawer and grabs a random t-shirt before handing it to you, âHere, you can wear this if you want and Iâll show you where the bathroom isâŚI just uhhh..I thought maybe youâd be more comfortable changing out of your uniform.â
You raise a brow at him, âWhat? My Dickies and pinstrip ref polo arenât sexy enough for you?â
He smirks back, âAnything you wear is sexy enough for me but the sex and dating column in Cosmopolitanâs spring magazine says a womanâs comfort comes before all else and is the key to a healthy, thriving relationship.â
âYou read Cosmo?âÂ
He shrugs, âHad to pick my mom and sister up at the hair salon and got there on time which was apparently thirty minutes early. There was nothing else to do.â
âLearn anything else?â you ask just before he leaves you at the bathroom door.
Mingyu tugs the frosty bleached tips of his hair. âLearned six new ways to accesorize with butterfly clips and that my horoscope for last month was only half correct,â he grins, âLet me know if you need anything, babe, iâm gonna use the other bathroom to clean up.â
You mumble back an OK and shut the door, bumping into the counter. âBabe?â you repeat quietly, looking at yourself in the mirror.Â
The reality of you having a super-hot-hockey-player boyfriend who is also insanely sweet and volunteers his free time to coach a youth league, and is an amazing kisser, and the kind of guy that calls you babe, crashes into you completely and youâre scrambling to clean yourself up, change, steal some mouthwash, and give yourself a full pep talk before you emerge god knows how long later.Â
Following the same path back to Mingyuâs room, you pause at the door and take a deep breath before re-entering his space.Â
Heâs laying in his bed tossing a small blue ball up and down with one hand while he waits. Youâre pleased to see that he decided not to put a shirt on, lounging only in a pair of basketball shorts, because you also decided to ditch half your clothing. The opposite half.
The ball lands in his palm with an audible smack and he looks up when you step into his room, closing the door behind you.Â
âWait right there,â he throws out a hand as you take a step closer and you hesitate, âI just want to burn this image into my memory for all of eternity.âÂ
Rolling your eyes with a soft laugh, you walk the rest of the way over to Mingyu who reaches for your hand and pulls you up onto his bed to straddle his lap comfortably. His hands move up and down your thighs and heâs smiling at you all the while. âYouâre so beautiful,â he sighs and then shakes his head when you try to brush him off. âGenuinely. Iâm not just saying that to get in your pants. Youâre not even wearing pants to get into.â
Heâs amusing and captivating when heâs like this, hands exploring every inch of exposed skin, chest pressed against yours, his face turned up as he looks at you with that white-hot gaze. It further drives your need to touch and feel him so you wrap your arms around his shoulders loosely, letting your fingers dance over the muscle in his back.Â
Mingyuâs eyes flutter closed, only for a moment as your nails trail over his spine, and you smile to yourself, overjoyed with the feeling of his body beneath yours. Â
âThis feels a little surreal,â you speak quietly and he hums in response, setting his eyes back on your face, âI meanâŚâ
âAhhhhhh,â he grins, lacing his fingers together where his hands rest on your lower back, kept warm under your shirt, âBecause youâve been dreaming about me every night since we met?â
âSomething like that,â you sigh and Mingyu shuts up, not expecting you to give in so easily. You pinch the hair at the nape of his neck tugging it nervously, âYou should probably kiss me before I say something even more embarrassing.â
Mingyu chuckles and his eyes dip to your mouth. He captures your lips easily, moving his hands against the planes of your back as he kisses you until your mind clouds over.Â
His hair is soft between your fingers, the silly frosted ends tickling your skin when you give a little experimental tug. Wonwoo teased him endlessly for falling for the fad but you had to admit you liked it on him.Â
Youâd probably like anything on him though. Besides, it wasnât long before Wonwoo broke down and tried it too albeit a bit more subtle and less Backstreet Boys.Â
Mingyu braces his forearm behind your hips and tugs. His skin is hot and he keeps you still against him, not like you plan on shifting away, but the need to be touched, heldâŚanchored to him is met without needing to ask. It feeds into your confidence allowing you to move more freely, rolling your hips, arching your back until your chest is pushing into his and he just canât stand the fabric in the middle.Â
The shirt heâd given you doesnât even fully hit the ground before his arms are wrapped around your body again and he buries his face in the crook of your neck, lips trailing over your throat, shoulders, collar bones. Whatever he can reach without letting go.Â
A sharp gasp hits the air when his tongue dips to the base of your throat and he closes his lips over that same spot with a kiss. Thighs trembling, you hope he doesnât comment on the pathetic way your cunt squeezes around nothing. He says nothing though. Instead, he groans deep in his chest and his hands tighten possesively.Â
Then he does it again, and again. He encourages your real, raw reactions, full intending to pull them from you until you let go of whatever mental block is keeping you from letting him know exactly how much you love the way he makes you feel.Â
Pretty soon he succeeds and youâre no longer trying to hold yourself together, holding your breath, or trying to be quiet.Â
Mingyu drags his teeth along your collarbones and grins at the soft hum you let out, so at odds with the way your body jumps at the sharp sensation.Â
âYou like that, huh?â
It take an extra few seconds to process his words, brain near mush from his attention.
âSo you do like it,â Mingyu laughs, pecking a small kiss to your shoulder, âWhat else do you like?â
Youâve only just now formed a response to his first question and now heâs asking another and heâs smirking. Itâs almost like heâs doing it on purposeâŚ
Your mouth pops open to say something, what that might have been, youâll never know because at the same time, Mingyu leans back a little and drags your hips over his, grinding his erection against your sensitive cunt. âYou like that?â
At this point, you give up on words and just nod your head fervently. Yes, I fucking like that.
His hands ghost up your sides until his thumbs are brushing against your breasts. He pauses, testing the water before diving in, and he catches the hitch in your breath. The way your head drops back just a touch like all this is making you a little dizzy. He leans forward and presses a kiss against your sternum before falling back against the pillows to take in the full picture.Â
You, perched in his lap with your back arched, pushing your aching breasts into his hands to play with. Itâs the exact shit heâs fallen victim to in a wet dream but this is real and far better because here you are, in the flesh, gripping onto his wrists and rocking your hips against him for an inkling of relief from how much heâs turned you on.
Itâs wearing his patience down and is going to bite him in the ass if he doesnât move things along. He prematurely finished one time and it still haunted him at night. Never again.
Hopefully.
Mingyu makes a miraculous maneuver, with you landing on your back at his side, somehow, without twisting or pinning someoneâs limb in the process.Â
âThat was very smooth.â
Youâre staring back up at him in wonder, partly because youâre not used to being tossed around like that, but also because heâs looking down at you with a serious, heated expression and itâs making your heart beat a little too fast.
âCan I touch you?â he askes softly and youâre immediately nodding. âYeah?â he mimics the motion in a daze, eyes glued to your mouth, âCome here.â
Easy. You kiss him, well, itâs pretty equal efforts but you get to him first, too impatient to wait even half a second more. His hand moves over your hip slowly, then shifts to brush against your naval where he rests it for a moment, heat from his skin seeping into yours.Â
Heâs planning on making good on his request, though you beat him to it again.Â
Mingyu parts his lips with a sigh when he feels your hand slide over his. Your fingers curl around his palm and you guide his hand lower. He asked to touch you and then made you wait - whether it be on purpose or just his own nerves - youâll help him help you.
He doesnât seem to mind and rewards you instantly with his thick fingers rubbing against your cunt through your panties. Your mouth falls open with a soft moan and his brows knit together right as the sound hits his ears. His gaze is unwavering and you almost wish he would just kiss you again instead of studying your face this closelyâŚthen his middle finger presses down a little harder and the sound you let out that time makes the corner of his mouth turn up into a half-smirk.Â
It doesnât even slip away when he leans down and kisses you, his smirk still obviously tugging at his lips when they touch yours. His hand pushes inside your underwear and he groans into your mouth when he feels how wet and warm you are but he doesnât have time to waste or savor the feeling because he needs you to cum on his fingers at least once before he fucks you and his will to wait it out is all but gone.Â
Youâre responsive to every stroke, gasping and whimpering, digging your nails into his arm. Your back arches up off the bed every time he pumps his fingers faster, rubbing them up against your g-spot with expert ease because, hell yeah he reads cosmo, heâs too fucking good at it to not have been guided by the devine-feminine mind.Â
Mingyuâs mouth envelopes one of your nipples and his tongue rolls against it at almost the same pace and pattern heâs rubbing your own slick into your clit and thatâs enough to send you over the edge. He tries to be patient, to let you come down before he goes reaching for a condom but he catches the time on his digital alarm clock, the numbers glaring at him in bright red.Â
It was already past midnight meaning having the house to himself is ending relatively soon.Â
You donât need the extra recovery time though, in fact, itâs the opposite. What you need is more and you need it now. âMingyuâŚâ he hums in response and you will your mouth to work again, âDo you even play basketball?â
He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. Poking your tongue in your cheek you nod and point to his shorts, â...Off.â
Mingyu grins as he leans down and kisses you before rolling out of bed and your lips turn up into a smile, a breathless laugh floating up into the air. He drops his shorts and steps out in white Calvin Kleins stretched taut over his golden thighs, showing off every inch of his assets, and you have to prop yourself up on your elbows to even get the full picture.
Move over Marky Mark.Â
Youâre too busy staring at Mingyuâs body to notice him taking the opportunity to appreciate yours. Itâs just a brief moment to sate both your curiosities because though neither of you would prefer to admit it, youâve thought about each other naked and probably more than once. Getting handsy on your date gave you a bit of an idea but the overwhelmingly obvious dick print staring you in the face at the moment confirms your indecent theory about what Mingyu might be packingâŚ
And that has got to be the âPonyâ Ginuwine was singing about.
When your eyes meet somewhere in the middle, you both turn away quickly, embarrassed only slightly for getting caught. It was a good feeling to know that the attraction is mutual. You hear a drawer close softly and feel the dip in the bed when he slides under the covers next to you. Rolling over, you land almost nose to nose and Mingyu grins, âI like it when you check me out.â
You answer him with a kiss that starts out innocently enough but itâs such a dizzying sensation to be so wrapped up in him that whatever witty retort you had been thinking of is lost in the way his fingers squeeze into your side. He sighs against your lips when he drags you closer and your thigh settles high on his hip, wrapping your body around him tightly. Without thought or hesitation, he drives his pelvis forward, rubbing his erection into your sensitive cunt.Â
It makes you break for air, drawing too much of it into your lungs just to sharply moan through the exhale when he doesnât stop. The muscles in his arms are so taut beneath your fingers that you know heâs not doing it to tease you - heâs at his breaking point and really just canât help himself.
One hand slides down and pushes against the waistband of his briefs, rolling the material down as best you can until it catches his attention so his can finish the job himself. He groans, mostly to acknowledge your intentions, but also because heâs slowly trying to reel himself back for a moment. Just long enough to peel the last bits of clothing off you both and get a rubber on. Itâs probably one of the most ridiculously inconvenient things heâs been made to do in a long time.
Neither of you say a word as he rips open the foil, trying to keep his hands still enough to roll the condom on correctly. It feels like static in his veins, trying to sit still when everything inside his body is screaming go, go, go! You can feel it too, the buzz of anticipation, the pulse between your thighs.Â
Then, there is a pause after he rolls back over, covering your bare body with his own, and he just looks at you for a moment, mouth tight. Your hands slide over his arms, up his shoulders, and settle on his face. âEverything ok?â
âJust wanna do this right,â he whispers back, turning his face to kiss the palm of your hand.Â
The corners of your lips lift in a small smile. âFeels pretty right to me, if that helps.â
The tension in his shoulders melts away and he relaxes his pinched brows. âIt does help,â he says, one big hand stroking the outside of your thigh around his waist, âJustâŚtalk to me if there is anything you want or donât like.â
âI will,â you reassure him and he eyes you wearily one more time until you sigh, âI promise.â
That seems to be enough for him as he shifts between your legs and you let your hands fold over his shoulders, trying hopelessly to relax your body when you feel his fingers on you again. He doesnât keep them there long, just enough to make sure youâre still wet before heâs gripping his cock, guiding himself into your heat.Â
The pressure is immense and Mingyu feels you tense up beneath him. He pulls his other arm up and shifts his weight over to one side, grabbing your face with his free hand. âBreathe,â he says quietly, tipping your face up to look at him, âJust breathe, baby.â
Easier said than done but you exhale shakily and his thumb brushes against your cheek. Mingyu draws his hips back slightly and pushes further in, eyes falling to your mouth when it pops open. The feeling of fullness is all encompassing and all you can think about. So full you might burst at the seams but again, you will yourself to relax and he finally, finally bottoms out.
You let out a sharp breath and just canât seem to catch it.Â
Mingyu seems unsure of whether he should move or not and he barely gets the question out before youâre nodding. The first few thrusts are still tender and heâs still mindful of that but after a minute or so, the tides turn and youâre digging your heels into his backside, pulling him deeper.Â
Mentally, emotionally, physically deeper.Â
Heâs a romantic through and through, including in times like this where heâs drunk on pussy and pure infatuation. He canât get enough. The way you feel around him, clinging to his body, hands against his chest, eyes glued to his. Heâs in severely dangerous territory and clamps his lips shut until the words sitting there fizzle out. Patience is what he needs. In his mind and in his heart.
His body is on an entirely different page.Â
Mingyu is smooth and consistent in his movements, like water in and around you. His name spills from your lips reverently, whispered into the air between you and it feeds him, pushes him to fufill your needs in a way you knew deep down he would. Heâs a pleaser in every way.Â
So, when you slow him down with your palms firmly planted against his chest, he stops and listens. His attentiveness almost makes it harder to speak.
âCan I uhâŚlike would you mind if IâŚlaid on my stomach?â you ask unevenly, not really sure why youâre hesitating to share what you want when that is what heâs asked of you.
Mingyu looks like heâs died and gone to heaven. He doesnât even answer. Carefully, he pulls out and moves so he can roll you over, prop your hips up, and fill you right back up. This time there is no slow start. His hand settles on your back, just between your shoulder blades, and he holds you there, pinning you in place in such a way that your eyes close on contact. Perfectly content to stay put.
The room is filled with lewd noises. Skin slapping against skin. Deep grunting and moaning sounds mixed together. Your muffled voice chanting his name over and over again. Mingyuâs quiet praises tickling your ears when your head turns fuzzy.Â
Itâs a good thing no one is home because itâs almost embarrassing how loudly passionate you both are. You regret not asking Mingyu to turn on the radio to drown out the noise but itâs too late now and with another tug upwards on your hips, heâs stroking your walls just right and you hit an entirely new set of notes.Â
Mingyu can feel you squeezing around him, mewling into his pillows and heâs hanging on for dear life because youâre still skirting around the edge and heâs seconds from toppling over. An idea pops into his head, a catch twenty-two really because in doing this, he puts himself at further risk of finishing first but itâs still too enticing to pass up.Â
Somehow, he manages to roll your bodies together until he hits the mattress, successfully claiming his spot as your big spoon. He hooks his left arm under your head so that itâs rested on his bicep while his hand is free to roam your chest and his right arm snakes over your hip before you feel his middle and ring finger slip between your folds.Â
With you tightly wound up in his hold he picks up a brutal, finishing pace. He hits all the right spots and works your body until youâre seeing stars. Your breathing now harsh and uneven limits your ability to speak but you donât need to say anything at all.Â
Mingyu knows your coming and heâs going right along with you. When your orgasm hits, you bear down against him, crying out in broken sounds as he pumps his hips through his own release. He continues to hold you against his chest, gently kneading at the fleshy part of your hip.Â
He presses kisses against your hair and then carefully, he pulls out before rolling you onto your back. Mingyuâs smile is adoring and beautiful, it makes you want to bury your face in the pillows again. The blanket will have to do.Â
âWhy are you hiding?â Mingyu chuckles, grabbing at the blanket, âWas it that bad?â
You flip the sheet down and give him a blank stare.Â
âShut up,â you bite, a hint of a smile appearing, âYou know it was good. Better than good.â
âHow good?â he smirks.Â
With an eye roll, you pull the blanket up just high enough to cover the lower half of your face. âReally fucking goodâŚand youâre not even slightly winded.â
Heâs on top of the world.Â
âMy stamina is just another one of my many desirable qualities,â he half-shrugs, âIf youâre still not in love with me, Iâm happy to keep trying.â
âWill you stop when I do?â
âNot a chance,â he grins, one hand squeezing your thigh as he swoops in to steal another kiss, âStay with me tonight. Iâll make you anything you want for breakfastâ
You pretend to think about it when you know youâll say yes, and not just because you donât have a car. A sleepover? With your hot boyfriend? Who just rocked your world and will probably do it again and then cook for you in the morning? Yeah, thatâs a no-brainer.
âI could probably be convinced if you find me something comfy to wear and have a spare pack of noodlesâŚIâm starving.â
Mingyu jumps out of bed, the sight of his bare cheeks making you turn and giggle. âIâm about to make you the best noodles of your life,â he walks over to his dresser pulling out underwear for himself, a clean t-shirt, and blue-plaid pajama pants, then he tugs open another drawer and turns to you, holding out a big soft-looking jacket, âI think youâll like this one. I donât have any pants that will fit you but this is pretty long. Oooh,â he pauses, âI didnât think about underwear when I-â
âRuined mine?â you raise your brow teasingly, sitting up and making grabby hands for the sweater he tosses to you.
He scoffs, tip of his tongue poking at his teeth. âYeah, thatâs my bad.â
Your voice is muffled as you pull the sweater over your head before climbing out of bed, pleased that it indeed covers you well. âItâs okay. Itâs not the first time and Iâm sure it wonât be the last. Iâve learned to keep an extra pair in my bag.â You mention this so casually that heâs stunned when you walk over to grab said panties from your bag and kiss his cheek before turning to leave, âIâm gonna go clean up. Meet you in the kitchen for those mind blowing noodles?â
Mingyu hollers back as you near the bathroom door. âIâll blow your mind in the kitchen alright!â
He slumps against the dresser when he hears you respond with, âIâm sure you will, babe!â
Babe. Ugh, youâre so it for him.Â
The steam of the shower mixed with some kind of masculine aroma in Mingyuâs body wash gives off the same feeling of being in his arms and the thought warms your belly again. Itâs almost embarrassing, how much you want him just after having him in full, but youâre sure heâd be happy to oblige even if you so much as hinted at it.Â
Maybe he will blow your mind in the kitchen.
As youâre wrapping up and getting dressed you hear music, oddly loud for the hour but itâs vaguely familiar, still muffled by the sound of the vents running to air out the steam in the bathroom. Then thereâs a crash, not earth shattering but enough that youâre slightly concerned. You hurry to hang your towel and pull on your clean underwear and his sweater when you hear another bump against the wall. ThenâŚsinging?
âKiss meeee out of the bearded bobby~â
âNIGHTLYYYY beside the greanbeann grass~â
You poke your head into the hallway, âUmâŚMingyu?â
âSWIIINGG SWIINNG-â
âSwing the spinnnning stem~â
Definitely not Mingyu. Also, definitely not the right words to this song but your interest is piqued.
You come around the corner to find him in the center of the living room, quietly laughing, holding the hand of one of his very jovial (probably drunk) maybe roommates while the other (definitely drunk) maybe roommate is spinning around them in circles, bumping into things along the way.Â
The one with bright blonde hair pokes Mingyu mid-spin, âYou wear the shoes and Iâll wear a dressss~â
Then the his drinking partner joins in and their both belting out, âoOHHH Kiss meeee, beneath the melting twilight~â
Mingyu points to the blonde and shouts over the noise, âThat oneâs Hoshi.â
 âLead meeee, out on the moonlit flooOr!â
He gestures at the one hanging off his arm, the tall boy with shaggy black hair, âThis oneâs Minghao. Theyâre plastered, obviously.â
Theyâre delightful and Hoshi is coming your way with a cat-like smile. He bows, almost stumbles, and reaches for your hand which youâre happy to share. âLift your open handâŚâ he serenades, lifting yours into the air, âStrike up the band and make firefights dance silver moons sparkly~â
And he spins you away so quickly you almost stumble but Mingyu catches you around the waist with Minghao singing over your shoulder in a whisper, âSo, kiss me.â
And Mingyu does, of course, heâs not going to miss the opportunity. Minghao grins, leaning against the wall to catch his balance, and Hoshi clapsâŚa little bit like a buffoon but you really like them both. Mingyu must really love them because he doesnât complain one bit about the noise and overly dramatic show, especially with it being your first impression. It helps that he knows how laid back you are and can see the delight still dancing in your eyes.Â
He does however, turn down the music on the stereo so everyone can talk without shouting.Â
âYou do know you guys are supposed to be serving the alcoholâŚnot drinking itâŚright?â
âDonât be r- *hiccup* -rude!â Hoshi flaps his hand dismissively, âIâll tell your pretty girlfriend about all the times we had to hold your hair back, our sweet little Mingoo ~â
Minghao giggles, bumping into Hoshiâs shoulder, âOr about how you,â he pauses, the two of them bursting into hysterics as Mingyu sighs like he knows whatâs coming. Minghao wipes away a tear, still cackling, âAbout how you got totally tanked that weekend you first started working at Wheelieâs and whined alllll nighttttt-â
Hoshi whacks Mingyuâs shoulder laughing and then looks at you, âHe wouldnât shut up about you the entire night. Crying into his beerâŚbecause he thought you were dating the DJ.â
Your hand flies over your mouth, giggling up at your boyfriend who is being a really good sport right now. Even as he pokes his tongue into his cheek, shaking his head at his friends.Â
âVernon and I were never dating,â you fake sniffle, âSadly.â
âSadly?!â Mingyu swings his head around toward you, âI thought the soulmate thing was a joke?â he laughs.
âOh, baby, it is a joke,â you reassure him, patting his chest gently but just when he relaxes you whisper, âUntil it isnât.â
Hoshi sticks out his hand as heâs stumbling toward the kitchen and you land a low-five as he goes, and one up top when Minghao follows behind him excitedly mumbling about making drinks for everyone, then Hoshi is shouting about noodles âfor the love of god, we need more noodles!â
Mingyu sighs and you know heâs about to complain that he no longer has you to himself. Can practically hear it in your head already. So, you cut him off before he can start, tugging him down into a kiss hot enough to make him groan against your lips as his hands dip down to take handfuls of you.Â
Then heâs laughing, falling out of rythym and you pull back, smiling. âWhat?â
You squawk in surprise when he smacks your ass and says, âYou know youâre still not wearing pants, right?â
Actually, you forgot because of the whole song and dance thing.Â
âThatâs embarrassing,â you mumble, tugging his sweater further down your thighs, âI could go throw my work pants-â
âI can try to find you som-â
You both look toward the kitchen when music starts playing and Mingyu shakes his head, almost regretting stowing his portable radio in there for when heâs cooking. Itâs quiet for a few seconds and then, like someone cranked the volume all the way up, itâs starts blasting and theyâre both singing.
âOoooh baby, baybay, b-baby, baybaby, oooh baby-â
Mingyu just laughs. âOn second thought, donât even worry about it. They arenât going to remember anything tomorrow morning anyway.â
âI like them,â you grin.
His shoulder shake with mirth, âOf course you do.â
You giggle when one of the guys starts shouting the words and grab Mingyuâs hand, pulling him along behind you. âCome on, noodles, drinks, Salt-n-Pepa,â he fake groans and you squeeze his hand, âThis is the most fun Iâve had at a sleepover in years.â
Then heâs grinning, âWell, we can make it a regular thing if you want.â
You turn, just before you get to the kitchen and push up to kiss his cheek, âWhatever you say, Hot Wheels.â
âOh, come on,â he drags his feet after you, âCan we pick a new nickname?!â
âSure. Come on, Coach Kim. Letâs go play in the kitchen.â
He stumbles a step and shakes his head. âAm I supposed to pretend it doesnât make me kind of horny when you call me that? God, please donât hold that against me. I am only a man.â
Oh? Good to know. âWhatever you say, Coach.â
Thanks for reading! đ
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christmas puppy
đ staring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader
đŽ preview. âGod, youâre so jealous,â you laugh. Your best friendâs brother doesnât usually act this way, at his frat, everyone knows youâre his, no one would dare come near you- but here, in your hometown, surrounded by past crushes and would be romancables, itâs open season, and itâs clear that itâs making Jaehyun uncomfortable.
tw/cw. multiple sex scenes, airplane sex, best friend's brother Jae touching reader while his sister is drunk/asleep next to them, fingering, multiple orgasms, phone sex, dirty talk, praise, slight stalking/use of snapmaps to obsess over a crush, jealousy, unprotected sex, Jae is a munch, sibling antics, 'loser' jae, exhibitionism, directed masturbation, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) angel. (his) puppy.
đšÂ rating.18+ explicit I wc. 11k
đ aus. uni/frat au, best friend's brother Jae, boy next door Jae, Christmas, secret romance, established relationship, etcâŚ
âď¸Â mlist + an. It's the way I'm kind of in love with him, he's so stupidly soft
Prologue
âWe really shouldnât be doing this,â you groan as your best friendâs brother slips his hand under your shirt, pressing you tighter against the door of his frathouse bedroom.
âYouâre right,â Jaehyun concedes, but his lips continue their fevered pace against your throat, and his thumb brushes by your nipple, making you moan louder.
âYour sister-â
âNever has to know,â he finishes for you.
He pinches your nipple gently and it has you whining, your panties growing wetter by the second. But itâs only a brief distraction before your mind is spinning again. âWe need to stop,â you say, but in the same sentence, you reach between your bodies to palm Jaehyunâs cock through his jeans.
âWe can stop,â Jaehyun nods, finally pulling away from your neck to look you in the eyes. âTell me to stop.â
You stare at the prettiest man youâve ever seen. The man you grew up with. The older brother of your best friend, the boy next door. Heâd been at the center of all your fantasies in high school- but youâd never thought youâd actually end up in this situation with him⌠repeatedly.Â
You canât say no, and you both know it.
Jaehyun smirks, a pretty dimple on display, and then heâs smashing his lips to yours. His hands wrap around your waist, and he tosses you onto his bed. By the time heâs kissed down your body and lifted up your skirt, all your objections have dissipated from your mind.
Thereâs only you and Jaehyun, and right now, thatâs all that matters.
One
âIâm literally dying to see you,â Nari grins the moment you open Facetime.
You laugh, setting your textbook aside. âYouâre seeing me now.â
âDonât be like that,â Nari rolls her eyes. âYou know what I mean. Christmas! Just a few more exams, and by this time two weeks from now, weâll be making cookies and Christmas shopping and watching movies and hitting on cute boys at the skating rink-â
You smile at the thought, although your heart picks up speed at the mention of boys.
âI hear Mark Lee is going to be home for Christmas, and so is his cousin Jeno- Iâm thinking, if we play our cards right, maybe we can swing a double date, or we could invite them to my family Christmas party and see what happens under the mistletoe!â Nari continues.  Â
âAre you still crushing on Mark?â you laugh, shocked that her infatuation with her old high school crush is still alive and well despite going to a different uni than the resident hockey prodigy.
âOf course!â Nariâs expression falls. âWait, arenât you still into Jeno?â
âHonestly?â You take a deep breath. âWeâve done a whole term at our new universities, and I feel like it would be better for me to find someone here. Long distance isnât my thing.â
âWell, in that case⌠I suppose I can talk to my brother and have him set you up with one of his frat friends,â - the thought of Jaehyun setting you up with anyone other than himself is almost comical, and you have to fight the laugh that bubbles inside of you - âactually, that brings me to the reason I called! I know you and Jae were going to leave to fly home around the same time, but it turns out you booked the same flight- what are the odds huh?â
Your heart skips a beat again. You hadnât thought much of telling Jaehyun your flight time three nights ago after heâd fucked you stupid- hadnât realized there might be an ulterior motive to his question.Â
Of course heâd get the same flight as you.
Youâve been sleeping together for just over two months now, and the fratboy always has a way of ending up in the same room as you- although, heâd been using Snapchat maps to do it originally.Â
The man is obsessed- and you kind of love it.
Youâd mentioned wanting to join the mile-high club to him the fourth time youâd hooked up, when youâd discussed sex bucket lists, but youâd never imagined he would remember it- or try to put it into practice.
âAnyways, I know you two arenât close,â Nari explains, âbut I thought you might want to coordinate with him, and when you land, I can pick you both up from the airport, save your mom a trip.â
You swallow thickly before nodding. âThat would be nice.âÂ
It would be nice⌠but it wonât be easy.
Youâre shocked youâve even kept your little secret this long, and youâre dreading what it will be like once youâre in person with your best friend. Hiding the fact that youâre fucking her brother while at uni with him is one thing, doing it in front of Nari will be another.Â
Two
âI know whatâs making you tense,â Jaehyun says, pulling his face from between your thighs and straightening to stare down at you.
âExam season?â you suggest, mind half occupied with the final you have tomorrow.
âYouâve had big tests before and itâs never taken this long to make you cum,â Jaehyun scoffs. âNot that I mind, of course,â he leans down to press a quick kiss to your lips, adjusting on top of you while his cock slides between your wet pussy lips, teasing you. âYouâre worried about seeing Nari.â
âAre you seriously going to talk about her while you put your cock in me?â you laugh, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.
âIâm not inside you yet,â he grins, pausing his grinding movements.Â
âAnd I hate that youâre not,â you groan, your core still throbbing from the orgasm heâd just given you with his tongue.
âBe for real with me for a moment,â Jaehyun urges, leaning down to press his lips to your throat. âIs it really the worst thing in the world if Nari finds out about us?â
âPuppy-â
âItâs been two months. Weâve been fucking for two months, angel. I know you donât like to use official terms but come on⌠you know what we are to each other. Isnât Christmas the best time to tell everyone?â
âTell them what? That weâre fucking?â
âDonât make me use the G word, because I will,â he warns.
âThe G word?â you fake innocence.
With a low groan, Jaehyun pushes his cock into you. âChristmas is the best time to tell everyone that youâre my girlfriend.â
âIs that what I am?â you tease, although your stomach erupts in butterflies at the notion.Â
Jaehyun tangles his fingers with yours, pressing them against the pillows while he begins to thrust into you. âUh huh.â
âYouâre so soft, puppy.â
âIâm actually really hard,â he smirks, looking down at you with mischievous eyes. âNo one makes me hard like you do.â
You laugh. âHow romantic.â
âLook-â he swallows thickly, holding your hands tighter while rutting into you, âweâre flying home together- Nari might guess it even if we donât tell her.â
âIf you look at me the way youâre looking at me right now, it will be kind of obvious,â you admit.Â
Jaehyun has taken to staring at you like a lovesick puppy, and your new uni friends are the first ones who pointed it out to you. At the time, youâd assumed they were being crazy- when youâd first started fucking Jaehyun, youâd thought heâd always just be your best friendâs hot older brother. Youâd had no way of ever anticipating that heâd fall for you as hard as he has.
âSo we should just tell her,â Jaehyun suggests.
âWhat if I want to keep you as my dirty little secret?â you sigh. âJust for a bit longer.â
You can feel his hot breath against your face, can see that heâs not happy with the idea, but he nods anyway. âWhatever you want, angel.â
âThank you, puppy.â
Lifting your head off the pillows, you press your lips to Jaehyunâs, and thatâs the last you have to say on the matter before getting lost in him.
Three
âFuck, angel,â Jaehyun groans, digging his fingers into your thighs while your panting and muffled moans fill the small airplane bathroom, âI donât know how Iâm going to go five days without this.â
You can only groan against his palm, eyes rolling into the back of your head while he fucks you harder. Your own fingers work your clit, and your pussy is clinging desperately to his cock.
Youâre already on the edge- Jae had been teasing you under your blanket at your seats, and the exhibitionism of this whole situation has your heart racing a million beats a minute.Â
âIâm sure we can find some time for a few quickies, right?â Jaehyun asks, and you can hear the desperation in his voice. âMy sister isnât going to hog you the whole time-â
You open your eyes, giving Jaehyun a warning look. Itâs cute that heâs so worried about his sister- but you hate when he brings her up while balls deep inside your wet pussy- your orgasm so close you can almost taste it-
âFuck, yeah, youâre right- shit,â Jaehyun gives his head a small shake. âWeâll make this work,â he insists, taking his hand from your mouth so he can crash his lips to your own, fucking you even harder.
Itâs a wonder that the whole airplane isnât rocking with the intensity of his thrusts, and you nearly have a heart attack when the plane hits turbulence just as you both cum.
You cling to each other, shaking with emotion as the small bathroom jolts and rumbles.
The plane steadies out and Jaehyun smiles into your kiss, laughing a little at the way youâd both reacted.
âWe should get back to our seats,â he whispers.
âYou go out first, Iâll be there in a sec,â you nod, allowing him to help you back onto your feet.
Your legs feel like jelly, and with one final press of his lips to your own, Jaehyun pulls up his sweats and then slips out of the airplane bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts and anxieties.Â
Four
âSeriously, I should be pulling my own bag,â you say for the third time since Jaehyun had lifted your luggage off the carousel.Â
âYouâve got a bag,â he grins, eying the duffle over your shoulder.
âWhen Nari sees this, sheâs going to know something is up.â
âMaybe sheâll think Iâm just being a good brother,â Jaehyun points out. âBesides, she wonât know I pulled your bag through the airport. Sheâll just show up with her car, and watch me put your stuff in the trunk. Thatâs not so bad, is it?â
You suppose heâs right, but your nerves are getting the better of you.
Itâs hard to stand so close to Jaehyun without latching onto his side. Itâs cold out too, and your jacket is fine, but you know Jaehyun is warmer- know that if you were to sneak your hands under his parka and touch his perfect abs, youâd heat up in no time-
âThere she is,â Jaehyun tells you, eying the line of cars waiting to pull up for a brief stop in front of the terminal.
Nari has brought her family Range Rover, and soon the boxy SUV is coming to a stop in front of you. Your best friend jumps out of the driverâs seat, running around the large car to throw her arms around you.
She belts out your name as she embraces you, the fur hood of her jacket tickling your nose. You canât help but smile, melting into the hug.Â
âI canât believe youâre finally here!â Nari grins, pulling away to get a good look at you. âItâs been way too long, babes!â
You hear a small scoff, and you turn to see Jaehyun already busy at work putting your luggage in the back of the SUV.
âI missed you too, Jae,â Nari calls. âBut this is my best friend, excuse me for welcoming her first.â
âI didnât say anything,â the dimpled frat boy smirks, and youâre struck by the beauty of Jeong genes. Both siblings have perfect black hair, perfect little dimples that pop out when they smile, and perfect brown eyes that are always full of admiration when they look at someone they care about.
After one more small squeeze, Nari bounds over to her brother. You watch as Jaehyun lifts her from the ground, spinning your best friend around while she squeals with delight.Â
âJeeze, Jae,â Nari gasps when sheâs set on her feet again, âhave you been bulking again? Youâre fucking huge!â
You want to groan at the statement, because itâs so true.Â
Jaehyun had always been attractive, but then heâd gone to uni, joined the football team- and now, heâs as sexy as ever. His shoulders are broad, his chest sculpted by the gods, his arms all beefy and thick and always ready to throw you onto his bed-
The pretty fratboy notices you staring, and he flashes you a wink over his sisterâs shoulder. You break eye contact, staring down at the pavement.Â
âWas the flight okay?â Nari asks, coming over to join you again.Â
âWe hit a bit of turbulence,â Jaehyun answers smoothly. âBut Iâd say it was a good trip.â
Your skin heats at the memory of him railing you less than an hour ago. You wonder if your panties are wet from watching him be the hottest man youâve ever seen- or from his cum still dripping out of you.
It feels dirty- but exhilarating at the same time. Jaeâs your sinful little secret, and despite the wish that he didnât have to be, itâs part of the fun.
âYou seem off, babes,â Nari says, reaching over to touch your arm. âAre you okay?â
âJust tired.â You smile softly. âDidnât sleep much on the plane.â
âWell, when we get home, I can make us some espresso martinis,â Nari winks.Â
Before you can say anything else, a car honks behind you, making you jump.Â
âWe should get going,â Jaehyun says, reaching for the door to the driverâs passenger seat. âDonât want to hold up the line.â
Instead of entering the car himself, Jaehyun looks at you pointedly. When you furrow your brows with confusion, he makes a small motion with his head, a motion that says âget in.â
While Nari hurries around the front of the car, you step closer to her brother. âYouâre opening car doors for me now?â
âJust being chivalrous,â he grins.
You can feel his breath against your face, can see it in the cold air- heâs so close, his lips all perfect and pink and plump-
âGet in bitches, weâre going home!â Nari yells as she hops into the car.
And just like that, the spell is broken. You tear yourself away from Jaehyun, getting into the SUV while he closes the door behind you, taking his own seat in the back.
âOkay, so I know youâre only here for five days, but we still have to do all our Christmas traditions,â Nari says as she carefully pulls out of the terminal line.Â
âAll of them?â you squeak. Youâd figured youâd do a few of the things youâve been doing with Nari since high school, but the idea that youâll do all of them? âDo we have the time?â
âWell, if we start tonight with a girls' night, we can bake cookies, have a sleepover, watch some Christmas movies, have our espresso martinis- and then tomorrow we can go skating. Iâm pretty sure the Lee boys will be there, I bumped into Mark yesterday and he said he has to be on the ice every day, even during his break-â
âYouâre still into Mark, huh?â Jaehyun laughs, leaning forward from the backseat to join the conversation.
âOf course.â Nari flips a long, dark, silky smooth strand of hair over her shoulder, eying her brother through the rearview mirror. âHeâs literally adorable.â
âSure he is,â her brother scoffs.
âAnyways, as I was saying,â Nari grabs your thigh, squeezing gently, âMark said Jeno was flying in- I think last night? So if we go skating tomorrow, we could probably see them both, maybe get apple cider from the parking lot food truck together after a cute little double date-â
âDouble date?â You can feel Jaehyunâs breath against your neck. âSince when are you both into Leeâs?â
âSince when are you joining in on girl talk?â Nari fires back at her brother. âCanât you let us plan in peace?â
âI told you Iâm not into Jeno anymore,â you say quietly, feeling your skin prickle under Jaehyunâs hard gaze as you address his sister.Â
âYeah, your whole long-distance thing- well, who says this has to be a relationship? We can have a bit of fun, canât we?â
You and Jaehyun both sigh, and you hear the fratboy sit back in his seat, clearly exasperated.
âThis is what happens when you join girl talk, Jae,â Nari scolds her brother. âIf you donât want to hear the juicy details, put some headphones on.â
âIâm fine with juicy details,â Jaehyun notes, âI just donât like hearing about your random hook-up plans.â
âAs if you wouldnât hit on Irene if you saw her around town while youâre here,â Nari points out.
âIrene?â You perk up at the mention of the girl who used to be the cheerleading captain at your high school. Sheâs a year older than you, one year younger than Jaehyun- You swivel in your seat to address the man youâve been sleeping with for two months. âYou have a crush on Irene?â
âOh my god, have you never heard this?â Nari practically wiggles in excitement. âJaehyun was obsessed with her. Like- truly obsessed.â
âI was not-â
âYou a hundred percent were!â Nari insists. âWhen Jaeâs obsessed, he does this thing where he low key stalks the girl- like, looks at her location on Snapmaps and then just âhappensâ to end up in the same place and bump into her-â
Your skin tingles. Youâd known Jaehyun had used that tactic on you, but you hadnât realized that it was a common theme of obsession for him.Â
When you sneak a look over your shoulder at the fratboy, you find his entire face has turned pink. âNari, stop-â he groans.
âIâll stop if you stop,â his sister fires back.
âFine, yeah, I wonât say anything,â Jaehyun sighs.
âGood!â Nari grins in triumph. âSo as I was saying- if we do skating tomorrow, and make gingerbread houses the next day, we can get most of our traditions done before the Christmas eve party.â
âYou know what?â You take a breath as the car comes to a stop at a red light. âIt sounds like you have this whole thing planned, so letâs just do it. Whatever you want.â
âReally!?â Nari beams, turning to look at you.
âUh huh,â you nod. âWhatever you want.â
âEeee!â your best friend throws her arms around you, leaning over the middle panel to hug you tight.
âNari, the road!â Jaehyun yells, hand grabbing at the shoulder of your seat.
âRight-â Nari pulls away from you, turning her attention back to driving. The light is green now, and she hits the gas just as the person behind you begins to honk. âIâm just so excited- girls' night!â
âMore like girls' week,â Jaehyun sighs from behind you.
âAnd what about it!?â Nari grins. âBabes,â her attention shifts to you again, âwe should do takeout tonight. I know your mom is probably going to cook, but Iâve been missing our pho place for literal months-â
Jaehyun perks up behind you. âThe pho place down on Wayfare?âÂ
âAs if thereâs any other pho place,â Nari sasses.
âShit, I could go for some of that too.â
âThen get it yourself, weâre discussing girlâs night, Jae. Youâre not invited.â
You canât help but grin to yourself at their bickering.Â
Soon youâre pulling up in front of your houses. When Jaehyun takes your luggage out of the back, you grab the handle, offering him a small smile. âThanks for this, I can take it from here.â
âHave fun tonight,â he tells you.
âWith your sister? Always.âÂ
Five
You havenât been on skates since last Christmas, and stepping onto the ice makes you wobbly. Nari grabs onto your arm, giggling at your antics.Â
âDonât make fun of me,â you tell her, although youâre grinning at your own ineptitude as well.
âIâm not,â she insists. âYouâre adorable. Jenoâs gonna love this, it will give him an excuse to come hold your hand.â
âJesus, I already told you I donât want Jeno-âÂ
As the words escape your mouth, you catch sight of the Lee cousins. Mark is wearing blue jeans, a red crewneck and a beanie, his cheeks flushed. Heâs grinning at the man next to him, the Lee Jeno in question.
Your sentence gets caught in your throat, because damn, even from across the rink, Jeno looks good. Unlike his colorful cousin, Jeno is in full black. Joggers and a hoodie, but even through the thick fabrics, the broad set of his shoulders is undeniable.Â
Had everyone gotten hotter in the past few months?Â
âWhere did you say Jeno ended up going to uni again?â you ask.
Nari grins knowingly. âHe went down south somewhere, a lacrosse scholarship, remember?â
Jeno had been a lean jock type in high school, but now, he looks like certified Angus beef, and you want to take a bite.Â
You might call Jaehyun puppy these days, but if anyone embodies some good labrador retriever energy, itâs the two cousins who catch your eye and come skating over.Â
Your heart begins to thunder in your rib cage, and suddenly, the winter jacket youâre wearing feels much too hot and heavy- or maybe thatâs just you.
âLook what the cat dragged in,â Nari beams, looking Mark up and down. âDidnât think Iâd see you again so soon.â
The hockey player gives your best friend a look, âI mean, I did tell you Iâd be here every day, didnât I?âÂ
You can see Nari begin to flounder next to you. âShe mentioned Jeno would be in town, so I insisted we come today,â you say smoothly, catching the younger Leeâs eye. âI guess I was wondering how your lacrosse scholarship was going.â
âYeah?â Jeno grins. âI can tell you all about it.â He holds his arm out to you, and with one final smile to Nari, you accept his offer, wobbling a little as you join Jeno and begin to skate around the rink. âWhere should I start?â
âWherever you want, I donât know much about lacrosse.â
âWellâŚâ Jeno takes a deep breath, and then he launches into a rundown of his team's wins and losses, giving all sorts of details and using lingo that you can hardly keep track of. Itâs the most you can do to watch your footing and not slip while latched onto his large bicep.
In the periphery, you can hear Nari and Mark chatting behind you. Youâre happy sheâs finally getting some time with her crush, even if it means you have to take one for the team and entertain Jeno⌠although, heâs doing a pretty good job entertaining himself.
âAnyways,â Jeno sighs, âenough about me, how has your first term been treating you?â
âItâs been great!â you smile. âI love my classes, my teachers are very good at what they do-â
âHow about your personal life? New friends, boyfriends-â Jeno trails off.
You find yourself giggling. âWow, Jeno, that was smooth.â
His ears turn pink, and he adjusts your hand on his arm, pulling you closer. âIâll take that as a no?â
âYou should take it as a⌠itâs complicated.â
âMost things are,â Jeno nods. âBut they donât have to be.â
âThey donât?â
âSometimes it can be as simple as I think youâre hot, you think Iâm hot, lets see what happens.âÂ
âIs that what you want?â you ask. âTo see what happens between us?â
âIâm definitely curious about it⌠and I feel like you are too.â
You open your mouth to say something, and thatâs when you catch sight of Jaehyun. Heâs leaning by the opening to the rink, arms crossed over his chest. The white cardigan he has on was a Christmas present from his mother last year, and his jeans are black. He looks extremely striking, as always, and heâs staring right at you, a smirk on his lips.
âI uhâŚâ you swallow thickly, considering letting go of Jenoâs arm-
Behind you, Markâs voice gets louder. âYou really think you can skate faster than me?â
âWe should race,â Nari insists.
âYouâre so on.âÂ
A moment later, the two are whipping by you and Jeno, giggling like children. The distraction makes Jeno perk up, and you feel his muscles flex under your fingers.
âYou should join them,â you suggest, seeing it as your only easy way out of this situation.
âAre you sure? Wonât you fall?â
âIâll be okay,â you insist. âSeriously, I know you want to.â
âYouâre the best,â Jeno grins. And then he does something you never would have expected him to do. He leans down and presses his lips to your cheek.
As suddenly as heâd made his move, heâs darting off, and youâre left shocked in his wake.
You freeze where you are, and then you begin to wobble. Your skates slip on the ice and your arms fly out, trying to help you balance-
But itâs no use, after a few seconds of sliding around, you begin to fall backward-
Strong arms catch you, and you find yourself clutched to Jaehyunâs chest while he looks down at you. âHey, Angel.â
âPuppy-â you gasp, clinging tightly to his woven cardigan.Â
He helps you straighten, only to pull you tighter to his body, leaning forward so his lips brush by your ear when he says, âI wanna kiss you so fucking bad.âÂ
âJae-â
âItâs only fair, isnât it? Jeno just got to kiss your cheek, why canât I?â
âWe canât do this here-â
âYouâre right,â he nods, pulling away from you, âlet's go somewhere private.â
Your whole body is alight with tingling energy. Youâre drawn to Jaehyun like a moth to a flame, and it takes every ounce of your self-control to pull away from him- although, you latch onto his arm a moment later when you begin to slip again.
âPuppy,â you say in a hushed tone, âwe talked about this.â
âWe never talked about Jeno flirting with you in front of me,â Jaehyun points out, beginning to lead you toward the wall of the ice rink where youâll be able to grab the ledge for support.Â
âIâm sorry about that.â
âItâs not your fault. He has to learn his place.â
âGod, youâre so jealous,â you laugh. Your best friendâs brother doesnât usually act this way, at his frat, everyone knows youâre his, no one would dare come near you- but here, in your hometown, surrounded by past crushes and would be romancables, itâs open season, and itâs clear that itâs making Jaehyun uncomfortable.Â
âIâm protective,â he corrects you.Â
You make it to the edge of the rink and you grab onto the side, steadying yourself and turning to look out at the ice. Mark is easy to spot in his red crewneck, making a fast lap with Nari and Jeno quick on his heels. God, youâd really held them all up with your wobbly skating.
âThey look like theyâre having fun,â Jaehyun notes, following your gaze.
âYeah, Nariâs always been good on the ice.â
Jaehyun laughs. âThatâs what five years of figure skating will do to you.âÂ
âI wouldnât be able to stand it, my feet are already hurting from these skates and I just got here.âÂ
âI could always offer to take you home, we could get some alone time.â Jaehyun moves closer to you, and it takes everything for you to not lean against his shoulder.Â
âIâd love to, but-â
âBut this is girlâs time,â he finishes your sentence for you.Â
âIâm sorry.â
âDonât be,â Jaehyun sighs. âNari has missed you. I donât blame her for that.â
A minute later, your best friend stops in front of you with the Lee boys in tow. âReady for another go around the rink?â she asks.
âIâm just slowing you guys down, maybe I should just⌠stand here,â you suggest.
âIâll keep her company,â Jaehyun smiles, and you donât miss the way his eyes shift to Jeno, who straightens under his gaze.Â
âOr we could go grab some apple cider from the food truck,â Jeno pipes up. âMark and I have been here a while, Iâm done with skating if you are.âÂ
Nari looks at you, then at Mark, then to Jeno- youâre not really sure how to respond yourself.
âApple cider sounds perfect right now,â Jaehyun says smoothly. âIt will be my treat. But hey, Nari, I know you love skating, how about you stick around here with Mark for a while? Looked like you two were enjoying yourselves.â
âUh⌠I mean, if thatâs okay with you?â Nari reaches out for your hand. âWeâll do a few more laps then we can come join?â
âWhatever you want,â you nod, squeezing her fingers gently.Â
âOkay, well,â a grin appears on her face and she sneaks a glance at Mark before looking at you and her brother again, âI guess weâll meet you in the parking lot.â
As she and the hockey player dart away, you push off from the wall, only to begin wobbling. Two sets of steady hands grab your arms and you find yourself squished between Jeno and Jaehyun.
âEasy there, angel,â Jaehyun breathes.
Jeno tightens his grip on you but doesnât say anything, and they help you off the ice.Â
You can feel the tension in the air, and it only gets thicker as you try to find somewhere to sit to take off your skates amongst the young families all lacing up to get in the rink. Itâs Jaehyun who nabs you a seat, insisting youâre the first to get your skates off. But he doesnât stop there, as you struggle with the tight knots, Jaehyun gets down on a knee, brushing your hands aside.
âLooks like Nari did these up for you, huh?â he muses with a grin on his face.
âYeah, something about tight laces for ankle safety,â you huff, leaning back and allowing him to do the work.
Jaehyun opens his mouth to respond to you, but Jeno beats him to it. âSo you two are pretty close, huh?â
You exchange a look with your best friendâs brother. âWell, I mean- we grew up together,â you point out.
âRight, neighbors, I forgot about that.â Jeno nods to himself. âAnd youâre at the same uni now?â
âYup,â Jaehyun says flatly, pulling your first skate off while you let out a sigh of relief.Â
âSee much of each other?â the lacrosse player asks.Â
âIn passing,â you lie, and it makes Jaehyun smirk to himself as he continues to your second skate.Â
Jeno doesnât question you further, and as soon as youâre free of the torture devices that had been strapped to your feet, you dart to the skate counter to retrieve your shoes, leaving the two alpha males to their own devices.Â
When Jaehyun and Jeno find you again, theyâre chatting easier now- some shared love for a sports team. It allows you some reprieve as you all head outside and get in line at the food truck.Â
Itâs odd to be in a situation like this. Two gorgeous, beefy, tall men on either side of you- this would have been a dream of yours back in high school, but now, it falls oddly flat.Â
Mark and Nari join you by the time you make it to the front of the line, and Jaehyun buys a round of apple ciders despite the Lee cousins protesting. âItâs the least I could do for the guys who entertained these two goofballs before I showed up,â Jaehyun insists, nudging his sister playfully.
The conversation quickly returns to sports, and Nari pulls you aside. âSoâŚâ she grins. âHow was Jeno time?â
âHow was Mark time?â you counter.Â
âHeâs just as cute and sweet as I remember,â Nari practically swoons. âIâm so happy Jaehyun decided to cockblock you and not me- but Jeno likes you, Iâm sure of it.â
âCan we drop this whole Jeno thing?â you groan, eyes darting over her shoulder to the group of men who are still talking about football of all topics.
âHeâs so hot though! Why are you being like this?âÂ
âI told you, I donât want anything long distance.â and also Iâm in love with your brother.Â
Nari crinkles her nose with distaste. âYouâre no fun.â
Your gaze shifts to Jaehyun, and he flashes you a small wink that makes your heart race in your chest.Â
This whole thing is getting out of hand.
Six
Itâs very hard to focus on your gingerbread house with Jaehyun hovering around the kitchen. Heâs come and looked in the fridge about six different times, youâve watched him down three beers, eat an orange cup, a few pieces of beef jerky, and then grab a bag of chips.
âDid you guys not have dinner or something?â you find yourself asking with a laugh.
âHuh?â Nari looks up from her immaculate creation, then swivels in her chair to eye her brother. âActually, thatâs a good question, why are you eating so much?â
âAre you two fat-shaming me?â Jaehyun questions before plopping more chips in his mouth.Â
âOh my god, Jae, fuck off-â Nari rolls her eyes.
The football player grins. âIf you must know, Iâm bulking. Iâm allowed to bulk, arenât I? I was at the gym for three hours this morning.â
âThat doesnât sound healthy,â Nari muses.
âYeah? Well, look at these.â Jaehyunâs in a muscle shirt, and as he lifts his arms to flex, you find yourself beginning to drool. You have to tear your eyes off of him, your skin heating with excitement.
God, you want him so bad-
âPut your guns away, Jesus, neither of us want to see that!â Nari screeches.Â
Jaehyun only grins, approaching the two of you at the dinner table. âNice gingerbread houses.â
âWeâre almost done,â Nari smiles, inspecting her perfect little edible art project.Â
âWhatâs next for girlâs night?â Jaehyun asks, leaning over his sisterâs chair.
âChristmas movies,â you respond, trying to focus on your own craft despite Jaehyunâs eyes being glued to you.
âSounds fun.âÂ
You reach for your martini, and you can feel Jaehyun watching that too.
âHow much have you guys had to drink?â Your best friendâs brother questions.
âWho are you? The party police? God, Jae, just leave us alone,â Nari groans.
âFine, have it your way.â Jaehyun straightens again. âJust pace yourselves okay?â
You wonder, as the night continues, the motives behind Jaehyunâs warning. Nari generally does the opposite of what her brother asks her to do, and true to form, she ends up drinking much more than sheâd initially planned.
By the time you settle into the living room to watch a movie, sheâs hiccuping, her skin all flushed as she cuddles under a soft blanket. âStupid Jaehyun,â she groans, âtelling me not to drink. Who does he think he is?â
âHeâs just watching out for us,â you sigh, scrolling through Netflix to find the movie youâd agreed on.
âWhyâs he have to be such a big brother party pooper all the time?â Nari asks. âHeâs so lame.â
You canât help but smile. And you canât agree with her either, a small sound of semi-affirmation is all you can muster.Â
Youâre not fifteen minutes into the movie when you hear soft footfalls behind the couch, and you turn to see Jaehyun leaning over you. âHi,â he grins.
Your eyes dart to Nari, who is passed out in the corner of the couch. Alcohol has always made her sleepy, and you wonder if this was Jaehyunâs plan all along.
âCan I join you?â he asks.Â
âAs long as you donât wake her up,â you whisper after a few moments of contention.
Jaehyun comes around the couch and you wiggle over to make room for him in the middle. He sits down carefully, allowing you to adjust the blankets over you both. His arm immediately falls around your shoulders, and you canât help the sigh that slips out of you.
âMissed you,â he says softly, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
âMissed you too,â you admit.
His free hand finds your thigh under the blanket and you shift nervously.Â
âPuppy-â
âNari is asleep. We both know what happens when she drinks. Sheâs out cold, angel.â Jaehyunâs angled towards you now, his lips ghosting past your throat.
âWhat about your parents?â
âTheyâre at a Christmas party, they wonât be home till the AM.â He nuzzles your ear and the contact makes you shiver, turning slightly toward him while he parts your thighs. âCan I touch you?â
âYouâre already touching me,â you breathe.
âYou know what I mean.â His fingers toy with the waistband of your sweatpants. âTell me to stop.â
You can only release a small sigh of pleasure as he kisses your throat again, abusing your sweet spot while his hand slips under your pants, bypassing your panties too.
âFuck, angel, youâre already so wet,â he moans in your ear. âSuch a dirty girl, letting your best friendâs brother touch you like this while she sleeps next to us.â
You hate that his words turn you on even more. Hate that your entire pussy tingles with interest, his index finger brushing over your clit and making your mind hazy.Â
âHave you missed this as much as I have?â he asks.
âItâs been two days puppy, weâve gone longer-â
âThatâs not the point,â Jaehyun insists, slipping one digit into your tight pussy, stroking your aching walls while you struggle to hold your moans at bay. âItâs torture, being this close to you and having to pretend weâre not-â His voice catches, and his breath is hot against your skin.
âNot what?â you whimper.
âNot totally obsessed with each other,â he says finally, adding a second finger to work you open.
âOnly one of us is obsessed, puppy.â
âYeah? Your pussy says otherwise, angel. Youâre practically dripping on my hand.âÂ
âPlease-â
âPlease what? Close already?â Jaehyun applies pressure to your clit with his palm, pumping his digits into you even harder.
âWe canât-â you swallow thickly. âI canât-â
âCanât what? Cum while Nari sleeps next to us? Iâm sure you can angel, she never has to know, thatâs what you keep saying, right?â
âPuppy,â you open your eyes, reaching up to cup his face. âThe bathroom.â
Jaehyun pulls his hand from your pants immediately. âAfter you.âÂ
You catch him licking his fingers clean as you stand from the couch, careful not to wake Nari as you tiptoe to the bathroom down the hall, Jaehyun hot on your heels.Â
Youâre quick to turn the light and fan on, hoping to muffle any noise. The moment the bathroom door is closed and locked behind you, Jaehyun has you pressed against it. His lips are hot against your own and he quickly tugs your pants down to your knees. You try to thread your fingers through his hair only for him to capture your wrists, pinning them above you while his free hand slips between your legs again.
His digits slide into you easily, and your back arches, thighs twitching. âFuck, puppy-âÂ
âIâve missed watching you cum,â Jaehyun groans. âWanna make you cum like this before I fuck you properly. You can do that for me, right? Cum on my fingers? I think I deserve it after having to watch you and Jeno yesterday.â
The mention of Jeno has your stomach twisting into knots, your orgasm building much too quickly as Jaehyun works you open, his palm firm on your clit.
âCome on, angel,â his grip on your wrist tightens, âI can feel you tensing up, just let go for me.â
You bite into your lower lip as you cum, your core throbbing while Jaehyun works you through it. Youâre doing your best to muffle your own sounds but itâs difficult with the amount of pleasure coursing through you.
You can feel Jaehyun watching you intently, can feel his heavy breaths on your skin as his fingers thrust in and out of your gushing pussy.
âSo fucking perfect,â he groans.Â
âPuppy-â you whimper, desperation overtaking you.
âYeah?â
âFuck me? Please?â All your inhibitions have flown out the bathroom window. All you want now is Jaehyun.Â
âThought youâd never ask,â Jaehyun grins.Â
He lets go of your wrists and you move to the sink, lifting yourself up and onto it while Jaehyun works on his belt. Your skin tingles, your eyes fixed on the bulge pressing against denim. As soon as heâs pushed his pants down, releasing his aching cock, youâre grabbing at him to pull him close, lining him up with your core-
âFuck!â Nariâs voice is loud on the other side of the door. âOh my god, Y/N, open up!â
You freeze for a moment, but when loud banging begins, you jump into overdrive.Â
You push Jaehyun away from you, hopping off the sink to pull up your sweatpants- âGet in the shower,â you whisper at him before turning your attention to the door, âOne moment!âÂ
The next thing you do is flush the toilet, then turn on the faucet while Jaehyun clamors into the tub, still fumbling with his pants while you close the curtain.Â
âOh my God-â you hear again, and your heart thunders in your rib cage, realization overtaking you.
You unlock the door quickly, throwing it open just in time for Nari to stumble past you to the toilet. She sinks to her knees, a gagging sound filling the room as the consequences of her drinking are brought up.Â
âNari,â you sigh, immediately moving to grab her hair, pulling it away from her face while she pukes.Â
Thereâs nothing else to be said, nothing else to be done while you take care of your best friend, her brother hiding in the shower with his cock probably still hard and aching.Â
As things begin to settle for Nari a short while later, you stroke her back. âFeeling better?â
She nods, letting out a pitiful groan.Â
âDo you want to stay in here? Or do you think we can go to the kitchen so I can grab you some water and crackers for your stomach?â
Nari takes a moment to consider it, and then she mumbles, âKitchen.âÂ
You help her to her feet, supporting her out of the bathroom. When you reach the kitchen, you take her to the sink just in case anything else comes up, and you hurry to get her some water.
As you hand her the cup, Jaehyun stumbles into the kitchen. âAre you two okay? I heard noises.â
âShe just had a little too much to drink,â you explain softly, still rubbing Nariâs back.
âWell, I hate to say it, but I told you to watch your liquor tonight,â Jaehyun grins.
Nari glares at her brother over the rim of her cup. âFuck off and die.âÂ
SevenÂ
The Jeong family Christmas party is always one of the best nights of the year. You arrived early to help prep appetizers, and youâd been in the house not five minutes before Nari forced you into an ugly Christmas sweater - as per her family tradition.
Now, as the house is full of all sorts of people, you feel like an absolute mess with the stupid reindeer on your chest. Although, to be fair, Nariâs is even worse. And Jaehyunâs? Maybe the most hideous of them all- however, his handsome face is more than enough to make up for it.
Jaehyunâs clearly pent-up, and itâs obvious he doesnât give a shit about your ugly Christmas sweater. He keeps looking at you as if he wants to throw you against the wall and fuck you stupid with the entire party watching, and youâve done your best to avoid him all night.
It doesnât help that Jeno and Mark have shown up, the hockey player distracting Nari and leaving you open to the younger Lee, who keeps finding excuses to start a conversation with you.Â
âSo when do you head back to uni?â Jeno asks, leaning closer as he nurses the beer in his hand.
âOn the twenty-sixth.â
âShit, in two days?â
âUh huh.â
Jeno cocks his head to the side. âYou couldnât stay longer?âÂ
âIâm actually moving into my own place on January first, so Iâve gotta get home and pack and prep for classes next term, that sort of thing,â you explain.
âSucks. It would have been nice to spend some more time with you.â
You notice then that his beer is empty, and instead of responding to his statement, you suggest getting him another round. When you move to the fridge, you find that all the Coronaâs are gone, so you excuse yourself to grab more from the cooler out on the back deck, hoping for some reprieve.
Itâs a cold night, your breath hanging in the air as you open the cooler, reaching down for the beer you need.
You hear the door open behind you, the noise of the party getting loud only for it to be muffled again when the door is shut once more. âIâll just be a second,â you call, expecting it to be Jeno whoâs followed you outside, however, when you turn, itâs not Jenoâs chest you bump into, itâs Jaehyunâs.
âHey, angel.â
You let out a sigh, looking up at his handsome face. âHi, puppy.â His arms wrap around you, and you let out a groan. âWhat are you doing?â
âItâs cold out here, Iâm warming you up,â he insists, dimples on display as he grins. âAlso, I found something inside.â
âYeah? What did you find?â
Jaehyun reaches into his pocket, pulling out something small and green. âMistletoe.âÂ
He doesnât even bother holding it over your head, he simply cups the back of your head with one hand and draws your lips to his own.Â
This is the worst place to be kissing Jaehyun. Anyone could open the door from the kitchen and find the two of you making out, but you also canât say no to him anymore, not when your entire body is yearning for him in a way that you canât even put into words.
You melt in his embrace, kissing him back.Â
His tongue glides against your lower lip, and you open your mouth, accepting him into you while he releases a low groan, tugging you closer to his warm body.Â
Thereâs a shattering sound inside, and a scream, then laughter, and the commotion causes you to pull away from Jaehyun, looking over his shoulder toward the door.
âWe should go back inside,â you sigh.
âFor Jeno to keep flirting with you?â Jaehyun scoffs. âIâm not a huge fan of that idea.â
âAs if you werenât talking to Irene earlier, donât think I didnât notice her arrive an hour ago.â
âThereâs a difference between me and Irene, and you and Jeno.â
âYeah? Whatâs that?â you laugh.
âI donât give a fuck about Irene anymore, but with you and Jeno, Iâm not so sure.â
Your heart tightens in your chest. âJae-â
âPuppy,â he corrects you.
âPuppy,â you sigh, âthereâs nothing between me and Jeno. Iâve been trying to avoid him all night.â
âNot as hard as youâve been avoiding me.â
âYeah, because you look at me like you want to bend me over the next horizontal surface and fuck me stupid!â you laugh.
âAre you a mind reader now, angel?â Jaehyun grins.
âSomething like that,â you shake your head at his antics, patting his chest with your free hand. âSeriously, Iâm getting cold, we should go inside.â
âFine,â Jaehyun sighs, releasing you. âYou can head in first, Iâll give it a minute before following.â
You canât help but give him one final kiss, a kiss that lingers before you tear yourself away, brushing past him to enter the warmth of the house again.
Jeno is still standing in the kitchen, and you hold out a Corona as you approach. âHere.â
âCan I ask you something?â Jeno watches you add a few more beers to the fridge.Â
âOf course.â
âWhen you said your love life is complicated⌠itâs Jae, isnât it?âÂ
Your skin tingles as you close the fridge, turning to match Jenoâs gaze. âI uh-â You swallow thickly, looking around to make sure no one is listening before you lean in closer to the lacrosse player. âWas it that obvious?â
âNo⌠and also sort of. There were signs, like, the way he just followed you outside, but I actually asked a friend about you,â Jeno admits.
âA friend?â
âYeah, I uh, went to lacrosse summer camp with this dude for a few years, turns out heâs a pledge in Jaehyunâs frat. He confirmed things.â
âWhich pledge?âÂ
âPromise he wonât get in trouble?â Jeno laughs.
âCross my heart.â
âHis name is Jaemin. He says you and Jaehyun have been a thing since the start of the year. He said it seemed pretty serious.â Jeno studies your face, and youâre not sure what heâs really looking for from you in regard to a response. âI guess⌠I guess Iâm just wondering why you two arenât open about it here, or at least, why you arenât as open about it as you seem to be at the frats.â
âHeâs my best friendâs brother,â you say quietly.
âYou really think Nari would care about something like this?â Jeno asks.
âSheâs very⌠competitive about my time,â you explain. âAnd as I said, this is her brother weâre talking about. Their relationship is⌠complicatedâ
âMost family dynamics are,â Jeno concedes. âBut if you ask me, I donât think sheâd have that big of an issue with it.â
âIâll keep that in mind,â you sigh, although youâre not sure how well Jeno knows Nari.
âListen, now that youâve made it clear youâre into someone else, Iâll leave you alone,â Jeno says finally. âI didnât mean to step on any toes.â
âYou didn't,â you assure him. âHow were you supposed to know about Jaehyun? Itâs not your fault. No harm, no foul.â
âI mean, I did kiss your cheek, which feels pretty innocent, but looking back now- Jaehyun was totally watching when I did that,â Jeno laughs.Â
âOkay, maybe there was a little harm,â you admit, joining him with a giggle, âbut seriously, donât worry about it. Iâm the one who has to sort this whole Jae thing out, not you.â
âGood luck with it, really.â Jeno reaches out and gently squeezes your shoulder, offering you one more smile before he turns and disappears into the other room.
Nari finds you a short while later, explaining that the Lee cousins had left. She gives you a complete rundown on Mark while the two of you sip wine and giggle by the fireplace. Other people begin to dissipate as the night goes on, and soon, you find yourself heading to the door.Â
Your best friend gives you a tight hug, and then you catch sight of her brother over her shoulder.
âLeaving already?â he asks.
âIâm pretty tired,â you admit.
âYou canât say goodbye without hugging at least two of the hosts, and seeing as our parents are in the kitchen discussing land equity, I guess that leaves you with me,â Jaehyun grins, holding his arms open for you.
âJesus, Jae, youâre such a dog,â Nari rolls her eyes.
With a laugh, and a shake of your head, you step into Jaehyunâs embrace, hating how your body reacts to him. Youâre aware of Nari standing just a few feet away, but you canât help the way you lean closer to his ear. âGoodnight, puppy.â
Jaehyunâs body tenses slightly, and you pull out of the hug, offering him a small smile.
âGoodnight, y/n.âÂ
It feels weird to hear him actually call you by your name instead of calling you angel.Â
You donât like it, and the feeling sticks with you while you head next door to your own house.
After a quick hello to your mother, and an acknowledgment that your dad is still at the Jeong Christmas Eve party, you go upstairs, ready to go to bed. Only, as soon as you enter your room, your phone begins to ring, and you pull it from your pocket.
âHey, puppy,â you laugh. âMiss me already?â
âLook out your window.â
Your gaze lifts, heart already picking up speed.Â
Growing up with Jaehyunâs room directly across from your own had led to a few tense moments in your teens. One day, youâd seen him fresh from a shower, towel low on his hips- but other than a few near-naked moments, youâd done your best not to be a peeping tom. Itâs interesting to have him directing you to be nosey, and you approach the window with your phone held tight in your hand.
Jaehyunâs standing in his room, and he waves his fingers at you. âI didnât think weâd be reduced to this,â he admits, âbut fuck it, if this is the only way I can have you tonight, then I guess phone sex is my new best friend.â
âPhone sex, huh?â you laugh.Â
âYou got to cum with me yesterday, but I didnât, and Iâm feeling it, angel.â As if to prove his point, Jaehyunâs free hand slides down his chest to his pants, and he grips his cock through the fabric. âYouâre making me crazy.â
âIâm not doing anything, puppy. Youâre the one being insatiable. Iâm just a good girl in her bedroom while her neighbor watches and touches himself.âÂ
âI shouldnât be the only one having fun though,â Jaehyun says, and you can hear his breathing getting heavier already while he palms himself through his pants. âHow about you lift that stupid fucking reindeer sweater and show me those tits I love so much?â
âYeah? Is that really what you want, puppy?â You grab the hem of the ugly sweater, slowly lifting it to reveal a strip of your abdomen.Â
âFuck, why havenât we been doing this every night since we got here?â Jaehyun groans, stepping closer to his window to get a better look at you.
âWeâve been busy,â you remind him, allowing the fabric to drop down again. âIâm actually pretty tired-â
âIf we donât do this on the phone, Iâll be forced to come over there, explain to your mother that youâre my evasive little tease of a fuck toy, and rail you in your bedroom.â
The thought makes your pussy throb with desire. âWe canât have that, now can we?â
âSo be a good girl, angel, and take off your sweater.â
âTake off yours,â you counter.
Jaehyun doesnât waste a moment, he tears the fabric off his body, muscles rippling under unblemished skin.Â
Fuck, youâve missed him too, but you havenât allowed yourself to acknowledge just how much youâve missed him until this very moment.Â
You follow suit, taking off the ugly Christmas sweater.
âBra too,â he says, voice husky as his hand returns to his cock.
Unlike Jaehyun, you havenât mastered the art of removing your bra with one hand, so you put your phone on speaker and set it on the windowsill. Youâre slow with your motions, flashing your best friendâs brother a flirty grin as you reach behind your back.Â
âFuck-â he groans, watching one strap slip off, then the other. As you drop the bra to the floor, Jaehyun pulls down his pants, and your mouth begins to water at the sight of his cock.
You wish you were closer to him, wish you could see the pretty vein that runs along the underside of his dick-
âI want you in my mouth, puppy,â you admit.
âAngel-â Jaehyun moans, wrapping his hand around his girth.Â
âWanna suck you off till you see stars,â you continue, reaching up to grab your breasts, teasing your fingers over your nipples, and letting out a shaky breath.
âI wanna eat you out till your thighs are shaking around my head and youâre squirting all over my tongue.â
You immediately fumble with your pants, pushing them down around your ankles and then your panties too.Â
âTell me how wet you are,â Jaehyun commands as you bring your digits to your clit, swiping through your pussy lips to collect the moisture there.
âIâm drenched, puppy, and Iâve been drenched since that kiss we had by the cooler outside.âÂ
âYou shouldâa let me fuck you,â he says smugly.
âPuppy-â
âI know, I know.â You hear him swallow thickly. âRub your clit for me, and donât be gentle. Iâm way too horny to last- had a wet dream about you last night and I canât get you out of my head.â
âTell me about the dream?â you urge, applying pressure to the sensitive bud between your thighs.
âWe were back in my room at the frat,â he starts. âNo one was gonna bug us. No sisters or pledges. Just you and me. I took my time with you, letting you grind on my thigh in your sweatpants till you were begging for me to get you naked and do whatever I wanted to you.â
âAnd then?â
âStripped you, got between your thighs, made you scream, made you cry and drool and say please-â You can see his hand picking up speed on his cock, and your pussy throbs as you work your clit. âFinally gave you my cock, folded you like a fucking pretzel, and gave you everything you wanted.â
You slip a digit into your pussy, releasing a frustrated groan.Â
âI know that sound, angel. What? Fingers not big enough for you?â Jaehyun laughs.
âNothing is big enough except your cock,â you whimper, quickly adding a second.Â
âTrue, but youâll still cum for me, right? I wanna watch you cum.â
You bring your second hand to your clit, and the moment you touch it, electric tingles erupt across your skin.
His dirty talk - as well as the fact that you havenât fucked him in a few days - has you close to the edge already.Â
âI wanna watch you cum too,â you tell him. âWish you were cumming inside me though, filling me up just right-â
âFuck, that perfect fucking pussy squeezing me for all Iâm worth-â
âPuppy,â you whimper, feeling your emotions building with your orgasm.
âYeah, angel, Iâm there too- gonna be good and cum with me, right? Gonna let me watch you as you fuck yourself with your fingers wishing it was my cock inside you-â
âJae-â
âPuppy, call me puppy, angel- fuck,â he groans loudly and the sound goes straight to your core, which pulses around your fingertips.Â
You canât hold off any longer, your orgasm hits you like a ton of bricks. A strangled gasp escapes you, your eyes closing, head falling back as white-hot energy surges through you.
Jaehyun releases his own sound of pleasure, panting hard on the other end of the line. Muffled moans and whimpers ensue as you work yourselves through your highs, your body aching for Jaehyun to be there with you instead of in his room next door.
As your orgasm passes, you slowly come to a stop, opening your eyes again to stare at your best friendâs brother. Heâs already wiping away his cum with a tissue, and he flashes you a wink.Â
In retaliation for the flush that immediately consumes you from such a small act, you take your fingers from your pussy, lifting them to your lips.
âJesus, angel,â Jaehyun moans, his motions coming to a stop as he watches you.Â
âBet you canât wait to taste me again, puppy.â
âI can still come over.â
âNot a chance in hell.â
âIt was worth a shot, though, huh?â he laughs.
âGoodnight, Jaehyun.â
âYou donât wanna stay on call? Maybe Facetime while you fall asleep or something?â
âIâve gotta shower-â
âTake your phone with you.â
Itâs so hard to say no to him, so you donât.Â
His eager encouragements and filthy mouth help you cum two more times - once in the shower and once in bed - before you finally pass out while on Facetime with the man who owns your heart.
Eight
Nari knows you well. Better than almost anyone, and because of this, gift-giving with her is always easy. She gets you a box set of your favorite perfume before opening the present youâd gotten for her (skincare from her favorite Korean brand).Â
As you settle onto her couch afterward, however, you realize just how well she knows you.
âSo⌠whatâs going on with you and Jae?â
âHmm?â You nearly choke on your wine.
âYou called him puppy last night.â You stare blankly at her. âAs you were leaving. At first, I thought it had to do with me calling him a dog right before that, but⌠I donât know, it felt too natural, and he seemed way too happy and smiley afterward.â
âI didnât uhâŚâ you swallow thickly, âI didnât realize youâd heard that.â
âI bet you didnât,â Nari shakes her head knowingly. âThe more I thought about it, the more everything seemed to be natural between the two of you. Him helping you with your bags when I picked you up from the airport, him buying us all apple cider at the rink- the way he helped you on the ice. Even the way he hung around while we did our gingerbread houses. Thereâs something between you two, isnât there? You guys are too natural together for there not to be something.â
âI mean⌠heâs your brother-â
âAnd heâs annoying, and lame, and a loser- but if you can look past all that, well⌠heâs a good guy at heart. And Iâve always wanted you to end up with a good guy.â
You canât believe the words coming out of Nariâs mouth.
âThere is something,â Nari states after your silence lasts a moment too long.Â
âNari, I wanted to tell you-â
âI get why you didnât, but seriously, fuck that, tell me everything!âÂ
Youâre shocked that sheâs practically wiggling with excitement. As if this isnât her older brother youâre talking about.
âWhat do you want to know?â you ask finally.
âWhen did it start? How did it start? Is he actually good to you? Does he stalk you on snapmaps?â
Her flurry of questions are almost too much to keep track of, and you set your wine glass down to get your bearings. âHeâs good to me,â you admit. âAlmost too good- and yeah, he still stalks me on snapmaps.â
âThat creep!â Nari laughs. âSo heâs like obsessed obsessed.âÂ
âI guess so.â Your skin heats at the admission.
âYou know what, I canât believe Iâm saying this but you two are kind of cute together. But, if he breaks your heart, you get me in the divorce and Iâll disown him.â
You giggle at how serious Nari is about this. âDeal.â
As the word leaves your mouth, the back door opens and Jaehyun trudges inside, a bundle of wood in his arms. Thereâs snow in his pretty dark hair, and his cheeks are pink from the cold. He looks up and flashes you both a smile as he kicks off his boots. âThought you guys might want to get the fireplace going today so I chopped some provisions.â
All week, youâve been hiding your affection for this absolute puppy of a man, but you donât have to do that anymore.
You stand from the couch, smiling warmly at him. âShe knows, puppy.â
âShe knows?â he repeats, freezing in place. He looks from you to his sister, then back at you again.Â
A huge smile appears over his face and he drops the firewood, practically running at you, hopping over the couch and nearly whacking Nari in the process only to wrap his arms around you and pull you into a tight hug. He spins you around the Jeong family living room, burying his face in your hair.
âWe donât have to hide anymore!â he yells in your ear.
âNo more hiding,â you agree as he sets you down, only to cup your face and kiss you deeply. Your skin flares at the realization that youâre doing this in front of his sister, but Jaehyun doesnât seem to have a care in the world.
When he breaks away from you, he turns to Nari, grinning triumphantly. âThis is my girlfriend!â
âWait, you two are like, official official?â Nari asks.
âWe are now,â Jaehyun states, but he falters, turning to you. âWe are, right?â
âYes, puppy, Iâll be your girlfriend,â you laugh.
He kisses you again, grinning the whole time, and you canât help but smile as well.Â
âFuck, you two are really cute,â Nari groans.Â
âThis is the best Christmas present ever,â Jaehyun announces.
Nari rolls her eyes. âIâm not gifting you my best friend! Jesus, Jaehyun, get a life!âÂ
âSheâs my gift, no takebacks,â your puppy boyfriend insists, staring at you with stars in his eyes.
âYou know what, we always did say we wanted to be sisters,â Nari sighs. âI guess we can officially welcome you to the Jeongâs now.â
âWeâre not getting married-â you protest.
âNot yet, anyways,â Jaehyun quips, earning an elbow to the ribs.Â
âYeah! Put him in his place!â Nari cheers.Â
Jaehyun holds you closer, bringing his lips to your ear. âDoes this mean I can take you upstairs and fuck you now?â
âFucking hell-â Nari squeals, âdo neither of you know how to whisper?! I did not need to hear that!â
âThen you should find some headphones, because this one can be kind of loud.â Jaehyun pokes your stomach and you slap his hand away.
âFine, shit,â Nari rolls her eyes, âlook, as your best friend,â her eyes find yours, âIâll give you half an hour to fuck my brother before I demand you come back downstairs for our usual Christmas festivities, deal?â
Before you can even answer, Jaehyun is throwing you over his shoulder. âDeal!â
âď¸Â mlist + an. thank you for reading! I was feeling in the Christmas spirit, and I thought Jae would be so good for this :)
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đŽ preview. âOh, weâre a hundred percent fucking at the Jeong family Christmas party. Iâve been needing you since dinner, angel. You wonât make me wait any longer, will you?â
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, deep throating, oral, pussy eating, multiple orgasms, soft/romantic sex, dirty talk, mutual orgasm, praise, quickie, slight exhibitionism (fucking upstairs at a party), I petnames. (hers) angel (his) puppy.
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âYaâll are like a pair of fucking wild animals,â Nari whispers as she takes her seat between you and Jaehyun at the dining table while her parents prepare to bring food from the kitchen for your meal. âYou canât keep your hands off each other for ten minutes to eat a family dinner together- I thought the honeymoon phase was supposed to last a few months and itâs been over a fucking year.â
No one is more shocked than you are that you find yourself at the Jeong house for a second Christmas in a row while still completely enthralled with the oldest Jeong sibling. As supportive as Nari has been, itâs clear sheâs salty about her brother getting much of your attention these days, and you canât say you blame her for that.
This Christmas, youâre spending a week and a half in your hometown, and Jaehyunâs been trying to monopolize on your time with a fire that rivals even his sisterâs.Â
âYou donât have to sit between us, you know,â Jaehyun quips.
âI think the fuck I do,â Nari retorts with a snort. âThis is a PG dinner with our parents you whore.â
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our leaves must fall before our flowers can bloom
genre: poly hockey team!ateez x coach fem!reader, enemies/strangers to lovers, athlete!au, slow burn, fluff, angst
length: 37.6k
c/w: sweaty and athletic ateez (warning well deserved), explicit profanity, themes of corruption and rocky family relationships, trauma, hurt/comfort, injuries, kissing, boys are in an established relationship, m x m interactions
synopsis: you become the new coach of the elite men's ice hockey team, the red devils. but with both yourself and the team carrying burdens of the past, you all find it difficult to see eye to eye. as you lead them to the championships in the korean ice hockey league, you discover that teamwork and trust is not as straightforward as it seems.
a/n: it has made me incredibly touched to see so many of my readers from the essence of youth come back to support this new oneshot. thank you from the bottom of my heart ⥠and as always, this fic would not have been possible without @sorryimananti-romantic and her undying support
if someone were to ask yunhoâor anybody on the teamâwhen he feels the most alive, his answer would be the same every single time: when he is on the ice, just like he is right now.
the air of the rink is already chilly, but with the added cold of emerging autumn, each rugged lungful he takes fills his chest with vigour. only his own heavy breathing can be heard as the rest of the playersâ shouts become muffled into the background outside of his helmet. he tightens his grip on his stick, muscles locked and engaged with adrenaline. his vision narrows, an opening suddenly clearing itself through the tangle of sticks and jungle of skatesâa golden opportunity for him to take.
âsan!â he yells.
their usual goaltender glances upwards as he handles the puck rebounding off the boards. his jaw tightens and with a practised flick of his wrist, san chips the puck over an incoming stickâs attempt to block the pass. thereâs a burst of explosive power as yunho speeds up along the opposite boards to receive the landing puck, hoping to break away from the opposing teamâs offensive players before he passes it off.
the flash of a blue jersey appears in yunhoâs vision with alarming momentum. they lower and widen their stance, shoulder positioned in front ready to knock him directly into the boards in an attempt to steal the puck, leaving yunho with no choice but to mirror their actions. he braces himself as the opponent rams into him with more force than a usual play, and in combination with their own towering height, yunho finds himself being pushed into the plexiglass panels as he loses possession of the puck.
involuntarily, he lets out a threatening growl of vexation. there is a teasing chuckle from the other player that still has him pinned against the wall despite the continuing game, which clearly tells him that the excessive body check was deliberate. yunho has half a mind to flip their positions, knowing he could easily overpower the other. but before he can adjust his stick out of the way to make good use of his hands, the opponent playfully knocks their helmets together.
âyouâre hot when you get all competitive and riled up.â
all of the tension escapes yunhoâs body, because he will never not find mingiâs attempts to flirt mid-gameâwith his mouthguard and resultant bumbling pronunciationâto be amusing. he endearingly rolls his eyes and sighs, âhave you not heard of, âdonât poke the bearâ?â
âyouâre not a bear, though,â mingi squirms cheekily on the spot, still up in yunhoâs personal space because he knows the older will never be truly annoyed by his antics. âyouâre just a cute, harmless puppy.â
before mingi can blink, yunho grabs him by the shoulders and pins him against the wall. yunho smirks, âand they also say, âlet sleeping dogs lieâ.â
wooyoung tongues his cheek with mischief at the sight of the two, nice and cosy against the walls of the rink. he hands his stick off to seonghwa, who is starting to remove his helmet, and skates in their direction, ignoring the dull throb in his left ankle. wooyoung only bothers to slow himself down slightly, instead letting his trajectory be cushioned by something else.
mingi lets out a pathetic noise as the air is squeezed out of his chest from the impact of wooyoung and yunhoâs added weight. the latter grunts out, a little breathless, âwoo, please, youâre going to knock somebody out like this one day.â
it goes in one ear and out the other as wooyoung grins up at him to state, âseonghwa scored so we lost âcause you were too busy making out with mister mingles here.â
yunho pushes off the wall to free himself from the sandwich of bodies and pivots on his skates to jab wooyoungâs padded chest. âyou and san were doing the exact same thing just five minutes ago.â
âweâre on the same team,â wooyoung shrugs, âwhereas mingi is not, so youâre fraternising with the enemy. now come on losers, captainâs wrapping up practice.â
the three of them glide along the ice to rejoin the rest of the team, where they are stepping out of the rink to sit on the benches. they remove their helmets and start unlacing their skates as hongjoong gathers the attention of the team.
âgreat work from everybody today, especially you, jongho. your backhand wrist shots are improvingâkeep it up. now just a reminder to everyone that our regular games start next week so i want you all to make sure you are stretching and cooling down properly,â he emphasises. he pointedly looks at yeosang, who has already begun to wander his way off to the changerooms, at the same time that seonghwa scruffs him by the back of his jersey and gently tugs him back to the team.
jongho peels off his blue practice jersey as he scans the arena and absentmindedly asks, âis coach still not here? itâs already the end of practice.â
âhe said he had something to sort out today, but would come round if everything went well,â seonghwa answers, also craning his neck to look for signs of their coach.
from where you and coach cho are watching from the designated scouting area in the arena, the team is unable to spot you two. you had come from the final negotiations of your contract with coach cho and had watched their team, the red devils, play the last period of their game. despite it only being a friendly match amongst the teamâs players, you have already grasped a sense of their playing styleâit is heavy on the offensive at the expense of defence, just like how you used to play. it is fast-paced, aggressive andâŚprone to injury.
âletâs go meet the team,â coach cho voices, making his way out of the viewing area as you follow beside him. all the players look up from their skates that they are still unlacing or from their stretches on the floor when you two near the arrangement of benches surrounding the rink. they greet coach cho enthusiastically and you can see why from the way the older man smiles at them like they are his own sons.
ây/n, this is the team, the red devilsâmy pride and joy. boys, this is y/n,â he introduces. âi had to miss practice to meet up with y/n and make sure she was happy to sign on as part of the red devils.â
said team gives you disinterested glances, a complete change from the receptivity with which they respond to coach cho. one of the red-jerseyed boys, who you recognise as wooyoung, utters sarcastically, âcute, but we donât need a mascot or cheerleader.â
coach cho chuckles lightly, âsheâs your new coach.â
âhold on, you were serious aboutââ ââare you coaching a different teamââ ââyou donât want us anymore?â
some of the boys erupt into a barrage of questions, trying to make sense of the sudden announcement, whereas the others stay quiet, flickers of flashbacks stirring up from within the depths of their memories. their coach raises his hands to settle them as he apologises, âi didnât want to say anything before i was one hundred percent sure that things would go ahead, and i wasnât sure whether y/n would accept the offer.â
âis it because your wife is due soon?â san interrupts.
coach cho nods, âwith twins, and i want to be present to helpâas a husband and a father. but that just isnât feasible as your coach, as much as i love you boys.â
training as professional athletes takes incredible perseverance, discipline and commitment. there are early mornings, late nights, weekends and public holidays. it takes sacrifices in the form of time and relationships, especially when they must travel away from home for up to weeks on end to compete in matches. and with the start of the regular season, the intensity is only going to ramp up. as hard as the athletes train, the coach works twice as hard to make it all possible.
the team needs somebody to be there for them to ensure they make it into the playoffs, and it just wonât be fair for anybodyâthe players and his own familyâif coach cho were to keep his position. and the team gets it, they really do, butâ
âsheâs the new coach?â yunho frowns in confusion. âno offence, but weâre not a bunch of kids for her to practise being a soccer mum to.â
âshe was the assistant coach for the grey eagles,â coach cho discloses.
âthe grey eagles? the under-21 menâs championship team?â yeosang looks incredulous.
mingi sceptically comments, âthe fact that weâve never seen or heard of her before probably tells us enough.â
hongjoongâs lips purse sourly as he tries his hardest to analyse the situation with the professionalism of the teamâs captain. but with the sudden change in coaches and the same critiquing doubts as mingi, hongjoong cannot help but feel his personal judgement webbing over his mind. over the teamâs entire career as an elite ice hockey team thus farâfive years, now well into their sixthâthe red devils have only ever had two coaches. coach cho has been with them for the longest and whilst it took the team a while to eventually warm up to him, he has been with them for almost quadruple the amount of time it took to trust him.
the teamâs alternate captain, seonghwa, speaks to you directly, âif you donât mind me asking, why are you not playing as an athlete yourself? youâre clearly our ageânowhere near retiring.â
you knew from the very start that your age would make your credibility as a coach much lower, and your answer to seonghwa will not help your case either. âi stopped playing.â
âhow come?â
the trigger of memories fills your nose with a sharp stinging smell. you blankly reveal, âi chose to stop playing.â you know exactly how it sounds like to somebody else, even more so to professional athletes. coach cho has also told you of the teamâs hardheadedness and strong will when it comes to the passions of their career, so you are expecting the cold receptiveness that you are met with.
your response strikes the wrong chord within wooyoung. there was a point in his career not too long ago when the choice of continuing to play or not was at risk of becoming a forced decision. the way you answer so callously with those very words that had threatened to tear his world apart has his jaw grinding and eyes darkening, and he is not the only athlete in the arena who feels similarly.
âi would rather choose to die before i choose to stop playing. ice hockey is my entire life and without it, i am not living either,â hongjoong jabs and you cannot help but clench your fists because you know exactly what he means. still, you stay quiet as he continues, âsorry, but i canât respect a âcoachâ who chose to stop playing.â
at the captainâs words and subsequent move to leave for the changerooms, the rest of the team also gather their equipment and follow his steps. sanâs feet falter in front of you, expression hesitant until he decides to voice, âour team needs a bit of time. itâs hard for us to warm up toâŚoutsiders, and i know it might not mean much to say this but we have our reasons. donât expect us to blindly trust you just because youâre a coach.â
the use of the word âoutsiderâ does not go unnoticed as you nod, âof course.â
san jogs off to rejoin the others and coach cho hums, âguess some things havenât changed. they were just as prickly to me when i first became their coach.â
you raise an eyebrow, âprickly? to you?â
âyes, believe it or not,â he chuckles nostalgically. âweâve come a long way because iâve been their coach for years now. but it took me a while before i was able to break down their walls.â
you briefly mull over the information, then ask out of curiosity, âwhat would you have done if i didnât sign the contract?â
âbegged you to rethink your decision,â he jokes with a pleased chortle. âi would have to start looking for a different coach, i suppose. you were my only pick.â
âbut why me, of all people? there are so many other experienced coaches that you can choose from.â
he looks at you, eyes glinting with intuition and confidence as he simply says, âyouâre familiar with their playing style. they play just like you used to.â at your silent processing, coach cho probes, âwhy didnât you tell them the real reason?â
you smile wistfully, âi didn't tell them because iâm not here to gain their pity.â
some of the boysâ voices grow louder as they emerge from the changerooms, changed into fresh clothes and their kit bags slung over their shoulders. you hear one of them ask, âcaptain, is she really going to be our new coach?â
they step out from the facilityâs corridor and you accidentally make eye contact with hongjoong, yet neither of you look away. maintaining a steady gaze directly at you, he responds with a slight glower, âmaybe, but sheâs only the coach by title. iâm still the captain of the team, so letâs see who everyone listens to.â
as they exit the rinkâs arena, you feel a fire of determination growing inside of you. you have won over your own demons and you have won the championships beforeâthis is nothing in comparison. whether your next words are for coach cho or for yourself to hear, it does not matter.
âi may not play anymore but i was still once an athlete, and no athlete has ever, in their career, wanted pity. iâm here to earn the teamâs respect and i will win over them, especially their captain.â
you watch the swing of the glass door as it shuts behind the players, catching a brief glimpse of the trees lining the arenaâs perimeter. it is the first day of autumn when you meet the red devils for the first time and outside, the leaves are beginning to change their colours.
autumn, 2018: pre-season
hongjoong believes all coaches are to be respected. it does not matter what kind of team they coach, how many years of experience they have, or whether they have built up a reputation for themselves. to hongjoong, respect for coaches is not something earned nor negotiableâit is something well-deserved and expected, as is for anybody in a position that is higher in the chain of command.
he may be the captain of their unofficial team, but hongjoong knows that the way a team can place their blind trust in the coach is irreplaceable, regardless of how much the other players rely on him too.
hongjoong watches as his boys carry out the practice drill he has set up for them. yeosang handles the puck around the cones before passing it to wooyoung, primed offensively near the goal to make a quick shot, who groans when his shot rebounds off the post. as he retrieves the disc, yeosang takes over wooyoungâs position near the goal ready to receive yunhoâs pass as he starts to work his way through the cones next.
they are limited in the type of drills they can practise because hongjoong was only able to rent half of the community rink for a measly two hours. the boys are not even in proper uniform, wearing only their shin guards under their sweatpants and gloves on their hands to prevent any injuries when the centre had stated very firmly they would not be allowed in with their bulky equipment.
and yet, none of this has dampened the boysâ spirits. san teasingly brags that it is his chance to show off his skills other than goaltending, and jongho thanks hongjoong quietly for renting the rink in the first place. their understanding nods and comforting hugs make hongjoongâs heart clench, even more so as the team eagerly and diligently practise the drills in mediocre conditions but with fiery determination to prove their worth as newly-signed athletes under the kq blue birds.
this is exactly why hongjoong is driven to find them a coachâany coach: to give his boys a solid pillar they can rely on, because he himself lacks the resources and strings to pull in order to fulfil their shared dreams. he needs to keep his boys as one team, instead of scattered into other teams as extra players like a gracious opportunity for the leftovers, since kq does not yet have a coach available for the eight of them.
âcaptain!â
the excitement in seonghwaâs voice startles hongjoong more than the speed at which the alternate captain skates towards him. seonghwa digs his skates into the ice at the last second, stopping himself just shy of knocking the other over as he exclaims, âhe emailed back!â
âthe coach you reached out to?â hongjoong clarifies, eyes growing wide.
having caught wind of his signed contract as a professional athlete, an acquaintance of seonghwaâs had reached out offering to pass on the contact of their acquaintance, who apparently knew somebody with coaching experience. it was rare for a coach to take on a rookie team unless there were incredible benefits, so he and hongjoong had drafted and sent an email with little to no expectations for a reply. but seonghwaâs furious nodding is telling otherwise, and his eyes sparkle as he shoves his phone in hongjoongâs face to show him the email.
dear mr park, thank you for your interest and for reaching out with your proposal. i have looked at your athlete profiles and it appears that you all have big dreams and extremely promising futures. it would be my utmost pleasure to help you all reach your true potential by coaching your team. if you would like to arrange a meeting in person to discuss expectations and conditions regarding training, competitions and future championships prior to finalising the contracts with your company, please let me know what times and dates best suit yourself and your team captain, mr kim. i look forward to working with you all. kind regards, coach yeon
âholy shit,â hongjoong steadies seonghwaâs giddy hand to read the email again. when he reaches the last line, he starts once more from the beginning to make sure his eyes are not lying to him. then he breathes out with finality, âholy shit. am i reading this right?â
âyeah, joong. youâre reading it right.â
hongjoong is not often one to be affectionate with the others, but yanking seonghwa into a bone-crushing hug as he repeats holy shit like a mantra is the only response he is able to muster. the older laughs wetly, throat constricting with overwhelming joy and he holds onto his captain until the other pulls back.
âyou tell them, okay?â seonghwa does not wait for a response before he is raising his voice to gather the others, âboys! hongjoong has good news for us!â
like puppies responding to the call of food, their heads immediately perk up and they abandon the puck and the drill to speed towards their two captains. there is a clamour of questions as they enthusiastically predict what is going to be said.
âare they letting us use the rink for longer?â
wooyoung squeezes himself in between yunho and mingi to ask, âare we getting the whole rink?!â
âno way,â san gasps, âor did our practice jerseys arrive?â
hongjoongâs eyes soften at their guesses. his boys demand so little from him when he wants to give them everything they could never even think of asking for. he glances at seonghwa, who looks just about ready to burst from his own excitement, then reveals, âweâve found a coach willing to take on our team.â
dead silence. yeosang blinks and wooyoungâs jaw drops. jongho, who had been lazily circling around the group, comically slows to a stop, joining the rest of the boys in frozen stupor. it is only broken when yunho dares to confirm, âdoes this mean we wonât be rostered as extras for other teams?â
everyoneâs hopeful eyes look at hongjoong. he nods, âweâre staying together and playing as our own team.â
it is obvious the moment the information registers in their minds and the implications of what it means for the teamâs future starts to sink in. they explode into a flurry of movement and hongjoong and seonghwa find themselves swept up into the middle of a clumsy group huddle as shouts are exchanged, uncaring of who is listening or talking.
âare we finally playing in championships with the big dogs?â
âweâre going to play interstate?â
âoh my god, what if we get into nationals?â
ânah, fuck that boys, letâs go international! weâre going to represent korea one day and become the best team in the world.â
the amount of voices overlapping one another are overwhelming, but it is overwhelming in the way that it makes hongjoong soar up into the clouds, wings stretched to their full span and carried by the hollers and cheers surrounding him in every direction. his cheeks hurt from smiling because these are the boys that he knows and loves.
they may only be a small team of eight, but they have dreams that are big enough to fill the entire universe.
âwhatâs the coaches nameââ ââknow if theyâre a good coachââ ââteams have they coached beforeââ
seonghwa chuckles as the boys hound them with question after question and hongjoong appeases their curiosity dotingly, âweâll find out when we meet himâcoach yeon.â
but it does not matter what qualifications coach yeon has or does not have, and it does not matter what teams he has coached or has not coached before. what matters is that he is a coach and he is willing to be their coach, because it means that hongjoong and his boys are finally taking the next step towards their big dreams.Â
and most importantly, they will be in this togetherâŚas the red devils.
autumn, present: regular season
âagain.â
hongjoong grits his teeth, taking up his position as centre again in the marked circle for the practice drill. even during defensive faceoff plays, he and the team are accustomed to taking on an aggressive approach. when he wins possession of the puck, the wingersâusually yeosang and wooyoung, or jongho when substituted onâquickly breakaway and move forward with him into the offensive zone.
obviously, they have other strategic plays too to switch up the predictability of their tactics, such as moving the puck towards the board whilst yeosang covers him, or by passing the puck back to the mingi in defence. but overall, their team is capable of rapidly flipping from defensive to offensive play using the aggressive setup.
the practice drill you are currently running emphasises heavily on the defenceâthe reverse setup play. hongjoong is to pass backwards but in the direction of the boards whilst yeosang supports and wooyoung covers the area directly between the circle and san. mingi moves towards the boards to receive the puck, and their other defenceman, yunho, assists with covering the goal.
hongjoong does admit that this play is much safer and stabler, but it is also much slower andâŚcowardly. his team is called the red devils for a reason and their reputation as demons on ice is not something that he is going to throw awayânot following years of blood, sweat and tears to stand back up after falling during their rookie year.
when he assumes his stance once again inside the faceoff circle opposite seonghwa, who is playing the centre position as the mock opponent, you drop the puck onto the centre dot. the moment it hits the ice, hongjoong clears it with his stick towards the right boards. it doesnât go back far enough for mingi to receive though, so yeosang makes the split decision to burst sideways to retrieve the puck, all three forwards moving aggressively in synchronisation to advance offensively once he gains possession.
you stop them, shaking your head. âagain.â
it has been a week since your first meeting with the team, and with the start of the regular season, training has focused on refining their strategies. the red devils are playing in the korean ice hockey league for the second time, an annual national championship with a singular menâs division.
teams from all over korea gather in seoul to compete in regular-season games at the gangneung ice arena against the other teams in rotation. depending on the number of participants, the red devils will need to play an average of three games a week for the next five to six months. then based on the outcome of the games, if your team scores within the top thirty two, they will be able to enter the playoffs.
last year, the red devils were only able to make it to the quarterfinals before they were knocked out. but considering it was their first time competing in a proper championshipâas opposed to the rookie leagues and interstate competitions they competed in during the first four years of their careerâmaking it into the top eight teams out of over a hundred or so teams was already impressive enough.
your teamâs first regular-season game starts tomorrow, so it does not matter that this is the sixth time in a row that you have stopped them during this drill. you will make them restart until they perfect the play. with that in mind, you release the puck onto the centre dot of the circle once more, but this time seonghwa wins the faceoff, clearing it to the side where jongho is waiting as his left wing. seonghwa looks at you guiltily and anticipates the word that will come out of your mouth.
you bite your tongue, having sensed the rising tension amongst the team an hour ago, but now they are almost at their boiling point. closing your eyes briefly, you try reminding yourself to think about the situation from your playersâ perspectives.
their career progression rides on this championship, and with their grit and determination, they will not settle for simply beating their own record in ranking. no, they vie for first place. only the top team secures a position in the international ice hockey league, the most coveted opportunity to represent korea in the championship between the worldâs best teams.
and it is during this vital timeâwhen the stress levels and stakes are as high as they can getâthat the boys have suddenly had to change coaches. not only have they lost their most trusted support and guide, they have only had one week to adjust to their new oneâyou. in the grand scheme of things, one week is nowhere near enough time to develop any sort of meaningful relationship where they are able to listen to and rely on you.
taking a breath, you explain, âbeing so focused on offence leaves your team vulnerable if the opposing team also has aggressive forwards that you canât break through. the faceoff play needs to be adjusted for those situations, otherwise itâll be too difficult to control the puck and it will more than likely end up in chaos. it wonât be a game of professional skill anymore, but a circus of dirty play.â
your defence-focused coaching style has worked well for all the past teams you have taught, both menâs and womenâs teams. you know that the boys play an offence-focused style; you are reminded too closely of your past self every time they rush head-on into every situation. and it is exactly because of thatâbecause you know the dangers that come with their aggressive styleâthat you are making them adjust their play. their career comes first and if they suffer an injury, there may not be a career left.
so you will play the bad cop if you have to. they will come to understand you one day.
san bites down on his mouthguard as he listens from his position in the goal. he is able to see each and every play unfold, better than any other of his teammates, so he knows where you are coming from. whilst he has become used to the pressures that come with goaltending, no amount of training or competitions will ever fully eliminate the sudden spike in fear and anticipation the moment the opposing teamâs forwards break past yunho and mingi.
san is the teamâs last line of defence and the best outcome is that a game never comes down to just him, the opponentâs stick, and his goal. it is true that his team needs to work on their defensive plays, so when the others huff in defiance and reluctantly reset their positions, san simply lowers his centre of gravity in wait for your cue to restart the drill.
âagain.â
outside the arena, the echo of sticks and scraping of skates sound faintly as the first leaf of autumn begins to fall to the ground. as time passes, the rest of the leaves will also succumb to a similar fate, only differing in how. some will fall in a slow and graceful descent, whilst othersâŚ
âŚa rapid and spiralling whirlwind downwards.
counting the heads and finding all eight of your players seated in the bus, you nod to the driver to close the door and start driving. most of the boys have chosen to sit on a two-seater by themselves, only yunho and mingi choosing to sit together. they share a set of wired earphones, eyebrows furrowed in concentration at one of their phones, likely monitoring one of their own matches or one of another teamâs.
the rest of the boys sit alone, faces grim and tight as they stare out the window. they look exactly like you used to and it hits you with a wave of bittersweet nostalgia.
the ride to the competition venueâmuch less for the very first game of the seasonâis always the quietest, air strung tight with nerves as everyone prepares themselves psychologically for the inevitable pressures that the game will bring. being able to compose and centre oneâs mindset is already half the battle won, and whilst nobody says it out loud, you all know that todayâs results, despite it only being day one, will set the tone for the next four to five months as they fight to qualify for the playoffs.
as you make one final sweep from the back of the bus to the front whilst it pulls away from the curb, you accidentally make eye contact with yeosang. you give him a polite smile and he opens his mouth, closes it on second thought, then decides to ask anyway, âdo you want to sit here?â
it is a lie to say that you are not surprised by the question, so you stumble over your response as you stammer, âoh, okay. thanks.â
yeosang reciprocates your noise of disorientation and when he fumbles to move his bag aside that had been occupying the space beside him, you belatedly realise he was only asking out of courtesy. but backtracking now and rejecting his offer would be a million times worse and you can only try to hide the flaming heat behind your cheeks as best as you can as you sit down in the seat.
he fiddles with the straps of his bag and you can feel his discomfort reeking off his hands. in an attempt to break the ice, you glance at him, âare you nervous for the game?â
he nods, âdonât think it gets any less nerve-wracking no matter how many games you play.â
âwell this is a pretty big championship. you have every reason to feel nervous,â you hum.
yeosang levels you with a look. âare you trying to make me feel better or worse?â
you do not know him well enough to be able to discern whether he is joking with you or not. opting to clear your throat instead, you point out, âyou have your teammates who you can trust.â
âyeahâŚteammates.â
and you have me, too, as your coach, you want to say.
the hopeful glimpse in the dark of your eyes is enough for yeosang to pick up on your thoughts. he swallows uncomfortably and looks away.
we donât know that yet.
you bite the inside of your cheek, trying once more to extend the conversation after a pregnant pause. âdid you guys have a coach before cho?â either you have a shitty sense of appropriate conversation starters or yeosang wants absolutely nothing to do with you (it is likely both, but one can be optimistic), because his shoulders tense almost immediately.
âwe didâŚjust one,â he starts off carefully. you think that that is going to be the end of it, but then he adds on, âwe donât really talk about him though.â
and there it isâthe end of the conversation. it is his nice way of telling you that there is no more to be said, so you sit the rest of the ride in silence next to yeosang, pretending not to let the sheer awkwardness suffocate you.
when the bus arrives at the gangneung ice arena, you hurry to alight and only then do you feel like you are able to breathe again. you plaster on a smile and notify the boys, âyour first game is in two hours against the panthers. youâve been allocated locker room 3B.â
they make their way into the centre and you trail behind in wait as they find their designated space. warm-ups will be first so they will not be needing their full gear just yet, which means it should not take long for them to change.
inside the locker room, the red devils shrug off their bulky duffle bags and change into their game jerseys, lacing and relacing their skates to ensure the snuggest fits. hongjoong alerts, âboys, time to go out and start warming up,â receiving a chorus of acknowledgement as everyone grabs the rest of the gear that they need.
before jongho places his phone into his assigned locker, he habitually taps on the screen one last time to check for any notifications and finds a single text from his younger brother, jonghyuk. he knows he should not read it, much less right before his first game, but the smaller part inside him that yearns for his familyâs recognition dares to hope for something. dragging the preview down to avoid opening it, jongho reads the text.
are you just going to keep pretending you havenât read our messages?
jongho clenches his jaw and swipes the notification away as if that will also erase it from his mind. tossing his phone into the locker, he shuts it with a harsh swing, resting his forehead against the cool metal as he closes his eyes and breathes out shakily. this gameâthis championshipâjongho has to win; he cannot afford to lose.
âcaptain.â
hongjoong turns around to see jongho striding up towards him, brows furrowed and voice troubled as he questions, âare we really not going to tell coach what our game plan is? shouldnât we work together with her?â
âjongho,â the captain sighs, âwe got lucky with coach cho, but we know better than anyone else that not all coaches are like him.â
from where he has been listening in on the conversation at the doors leading out of the locker room, seonghwaâs shoulders stiffen. there is a moment of silence; the rest of the team have already made their way to the ice rink.
âwhat if we lose?â
it is the way that his voice grows small and timid that hongjoong realises it is not his captain that jongho needs right now. hongjoongâs gaze softens as he searches the youngerâs eyes, âdid your family say something again?â
he receives no answer but it tells him more than enough. âyou trust me?â
jonghoâs almost imperceptible nod does not escape hongjoongâs observations, so he continues to reassure, âweâll win. my boys are the best players, you included, and we already have experience playing in this competition.â he ducks down slightly to meet jonghoâs gaze, âand even if we do lose? we lose because of our own skillsânot because of anybody else.â
his words tug a small smile out of the corner of the youngestâs lips, and hongjoong returns it with a relieved smile. with a nudge, he sends jongho in the direction of the door, where seonghwa pretends to ruffle his hair affectionately knowing that it will be dodged. seonghwa chuckles lightly and watches him walk off, unbeknownst to his captain watching him.
âhey,â hongjoong calls out gently, âi know what youâre thinking, but that wasnât what i meant.â
seonghwa looks back and winces, âi canât help it.â
âand thatâs why i will keep telling you no matter how many times you need to hear it. it is not your faultânever was, and never will be,â hongjoong cocks his head playfully as he raises an eyebrow.
âsame goes to you then, captain,â seonghwa returns the banter, shoulders relaxing and head shaking, ânot your fault either.â
âyouâre right, so letâs get the fuck out there and smash our game, yeah?â hongjoong slings his arm around the other and leads them both out of the locker room to join the rest of the boys.
what he does not say, though, is that seonghwa is wrong. seonghwa may have been the one to reach out to coach yeon, but hongjoong was the one who made the executive decision to accept and trust coach yeon.
he is not going to make the same mistake twice this time, because it is not just about protecting his dreams, his career, or those of his teammatesâit is about protecting the people he loves.
hongjoong will not let them fallâŚnot again.
winter, 2018: regular season
jongho twirls his phone in his hand, intermittently turning the screen on and off. he sits in the corner of the locker room, away from the rest of the boys as they wait for coach yeon to return from checking in and filling out their required paperwork. only several competitions later will they realise that their locker room is small, cramped and dim, but to their fresh, bright-eyed excitement at competing in a professional league for the first time, they hardly have time to critique the assigned space.
the phone comes to a stop. making up his mind, jongho taps on the screen and navigates to the keypad. dialling his motherâs number, he brings the phone up to his ear and waits with bated breath as it is left to ring.
âwhat do you want,â comes her curt response when she finally picks up.
jonghoâs words falter, âoh, nothingâŚi just wanted to tell you that weâre playing our first game today.â
âgame? your little team doesnât even have a coach,â his mother patronises.
shoulders curling in on themselves, jongho hesitantly voices, âi told you last month that we got a coach.â
âi forgot,â she brushes him off, âand it must not be a very important competition then, seeing as it isnât worth remembering.â
âthereâs prize money,â he reveals. maybe if he can bring some of it home for his parents, they will recognise his efforts.
she sceptically probes, âis it national? international?â
ânoâŚregionals.â
âis it ranked at least?â
âitâs just an entry-level competition for rookie teams,â jongho trails off, discouraged and confidence in shambles.
his mother scoffs at his answers, none of which are the ones she wants to hear. âyou have no excuse not to win this competition, then. this is childâs play. just look at jonghyuk. heâs two years younger than you, yet already has his eyes on the olympics. if you lose, i donât want to hear about itâdonât bring shame to our family.â
âokay,â jongho mumbles, but his answer is only heard by the beeping dial of the ended callâŚand the rest of the boys it seems, if not apparent by the sombre hush that has settled over the room and the worried lips that he sees when he looks up.
yeosangâs mouth parts, the youngerâs name on the tip of his tongue, but then coach yeon enters the locker room and calls for their attention. jongho gives them a reassuring smile before setting his phone beside him on the bench and directing his gaze to their coach, grateful for the distraction. it leaves yeosang and the others with no choice but to drop it for now.
coach yeon erases the old scribbles on the roomâs whiteboard and replaces it with rough markings of the hockey rink. he drags the magnets into the different zones, each one representative of a player, as he goes over the final lineup and their respective positions based on the opposing team they have been pooled against.
âstay strong on the offensive and maintain a 2-1-2 formation where possibleâyeosang, i want you up there with hongjoong and put pressure on the other team. if they gain puck possession, both of you fall back to where wooyoung is and maintain 3-2.â
the three forwards nod and coach yeon touches one of the magnets positioned on the playerâs bench. âjongho, youâll come on for your shift during the second period. whoever you replace will come back in later to sub the other wing. yeosang and wooyoung, you should both be playing again during the third period.â
âyes, coach,â jongho acknowledges.
coach yeon continues on to review their game plan and hongjoong steps up to assist with detailing their different strategic plays. to jongho though, their words sound like he is listening from underwater as his mind involuntary drifts off. it is a small saving grace that his parents do not care for his match, because it means that they will not see that he is not part of the starting lineup.
for seven of the people in the locker room, winning the competition is an aspiration, but for one of them it is an expectation. and for the remaining individual, the competition in itself is an opportunity, but for an entirely different reason.
winter, present: regular season
inevitably, you find out. when discrepancies start to occur between training, pre-game meetings and the actual games, it is only a matter of time before you start to notice them.
it starts off with the uncommon plays that are simply a response to the game situationâones that are dire and not often brought up prior to them actually occurring. during their fourth regular game of the season, the red devils are behind by two goals. the last period is almost over when they miraculously gain the power advantage after two of the opposing players are sent to the penalty box in quick succession.
before you realise what is happening, hongjoong gives his team a signal and both yunho and mingi on defence and san in the goal all rush forward to attack with the wings. you can only watch with wide eyes as they risk an empty net in the hopes of scoring two much-needed goals to even the playing field.
wooyoung manages to score one with a quick shot, but with the release of the opponents from the penalty box, their advantage is put to an end and they ultimately finish the match with a loss. you do not dwell too much on their sudden change in tactics despite the lack of communication with you, because you understand that every single game requires a different approach. sometimes, there is no time to strategise, only time to act.
but one occurrence turns into two, and two turns into several. and when, during one of their matches the week prior, jongho and wooyoung swap positions on the left and right sides of the rink as soon as the youngest replaces yeosangâs shift, it becomes quite conclusive that they are deliberately withholding information from you.
the boys are not brainless. it is not a coincidence for you and the team to discuss one game plan in the locker room only for it to completely change the moment they step onto the hockey rink.
you silently watch as the boys prepare for a faceoff in their defensive zone. they are currently playing against the incheon bears and the timing of the penalty puts you all on edge; the score is currently tied four to four and only twelve seconds are left on the clock. you had requested a time-out right as the referee made the call in hopes of stopping the momentum of the opposing team and to tell the boys to play defensively for this faceoff.
âplay it safe. stall for the last twelve seconds and drag the game into overtime,â you had ordered.
the incheon bears have made a shift change with their player number four coming on for the faceoff, their right wing who has low stamina but terrifyingly accurate shots. he is responsible for most of his teamâs goals and several other scoring attempts that san had only just managed to block. you are also almost certain that they will be aggressively body checking your players to make this faceoff count for them. your forwards have to play safelyânot just for the sake of the gameâs score.
at your defensive suggestion, san had nodded in agreement with you, âforwards need to make passes with sure lanesânothing that can risk getting intercepted. go for the reverse setup play if you guys can.â
âwe donât need to take this into overtime,â hongjoong had started to argue, âother than number four, the rest of their offence is weak. as long as we break past him, we have an opportunity to score.â
âcaptainââ
the whistle blows before mingi can give his two cents, the mere thirty seconds for the time-out far too short, and the boys hurry to enter the rink again. hongjoong leans in quickly to say something to them before they disperse into their positions and mingi glances at you, almost guiltily.
you do not have the confidence that your team will listen. san may have seen the advantages in favouring a defensive play, but he is not the one who will decide which direction the puck will go when the referee drops it onto the ice. hongjoong is.
the hand of the referee raises to signal the start of the faceoff and both teamâs centre forwards lower their stance. then the puck hits the ice. hongjoongâs nimble reflexes help him to snap his wrist and twist the puck away from the incheon bearâs player, wooyoung already surging ahead with explosive strides towards the other end of the rink. but just as you fear, the opponentâs left wing thunders at hongjoong with horrifying speed, intention solely to bowl him over onto the iceânot to steal the puck.
âfuck, captain!â you yell, heart leaping up into your throat as it cuts off your breath.
hongjoongâs eyes snap upwards and darken, jaws aching from the force with which he grinds his teeth together despite his mouthguard. he suddenly pivots on the edges of his skates and shifts his weight to only just narrowly miss the body check, then flicks the puck away before another player can knock him down.
he does not need to look before passing to where he knows wooyoung will be, years of synergy allowing their plays to connect seamlessly. except incheon bearâs number four has predicted their exact play, having been watching from the benches and noting your forwardsâ preference for aggressive attacks.
âshit,â yunho curses under his breath, ice shaving under his skates from the accelerating force of his strides towards the puck. he is not going to make it in time. âmingi!â
seonghwa jolts up to his feet from the playerâs bench, chest mid-inhale with apprehension at the captainâs pass. the puck is intercepted within the blink of an eye and with a well-timed punch turn around yunhoâs attempt to regain possession, the rival teamâs number four makes a shot for the goal.
it is too fast for mingiâs stick to blockâarm still stretching out with desperationâand although san drops down to his knees in hopes of barricading the goal with his leg pads, the trajectory of the puck arcs higher than he had predicted.
as the puck soars past san and hits the netting of the goal, the buzzer sounds in tandem with the eruption of cheers around the rink. all around, the incheon bears swarm towards their number four in joyous celebration. mingi leans over to rest his hands on his knees from both exhaustion and defeat, and the other boys stand in similar stances as the outcome of the game registers in their tired minds.
in an attempt to cheer them up despite his own disappointment, seonghwa half-heartedly smiles at his boys as they slowly start to trudge their way off the rink. âwe played well, boys. it was unlucky that our pass got intercepted, but we can do better next time.â
âgood thing it isnât the playoffs yet,â yunho tries to joke, âso weâre still in the competition.â
nobody cracks a smile and wooyoungâs face is dark, hand grabbing the walls in support to favour his left foot whilst lifting his skates over the slight ledge of the bench door. noting his slight limp, san quietly murmurs in worry, âdid you tape your ankle?â
wooyoung shakes his head. âi ran out. forgot to buy some yesterday.â
âmake sure you ice it tonight then, okay?â san gently supports him by the elbow to the benches so they can loosen the laces of their skates and grab their things before heading to the locker room.
you look away to flip through the notebook in your hand instead, trying to calm the shaking of your hands. ice hockey is a contact sport and you cannot protect the players from every single collision, but that last body check that hongjoong had been unprepared for still has acid pooling into your mouth. you scratch the score â4-5â onto a page filled with their scores from this season thus far. a quick calculation tells you that the red devils have just as many losses as they have wins, which in all honesty, is not looking good.
thisâŚconflict needs to be cleared with the teamâwith hongjoong. you cannot let this concealment of tactics and blatant changing of strategies right in your face continue any longer, because at the rate they are going, they may not even make it into the playoffs. and as you make eye contact with san, who has been staring despondently at the puck that still lies in his goal, you know that you must clear the air for the team, too. the last thing you need is for their own teamwork to fall apart because their differing opinions on your coaching starts to drive a wedge between them.
san stills when you break your gaze and glance away to pivot on your heels in the direction of the changerooms. from the way your mouth thins and neck becomes rigid, he is quite certain you are not happyâand rightfully so, san must admit. he stalls time by slipping off his bulky gloves and freeing his hands up to remove his helmet and mouthguard too.
noting that the other boys have grabbed most of their belongings, san heads off first to meet you, knowing that they will follow him soon after. he walks down the corridor easily balancing on his skates and rounds the corner to their locker room. except the sight that greets him has his feet halting and taking a step back behind the doorway.
your hand is deep in one of their bags. san is unsure whose bag it is, but the brief glimpse of the black canvas bag he caught is enough to tell him that it is one of theirs. although he is not making any accusations, he also cannot think of a reason as to why you would be rummaging through their bags.
âwhy are you just standing there?â
jonghoâs voice startles him and he mumbles, ânothing,â before stepping through the door with the rest of his team. you are sitting on a bench in front of an empty locker now and if he did not know better, san would think that he had imagined the last minute. he glances discreetly at the bag you had been poking through and recognises it as wooyoungâs.
gingerly seating himself in front of his own locker, san waits on edge as mingi also grasps the atmosphere and sits too. gradually, the boys read the room with tactful glances and linger on their feet or on the benches. all except for one.
âwhat was that?â you cut through the silence with a directed question at hongjoong.
the captain continues to toss his gloves into his unzipped bag at the bottom of his locker before proceeding to unlace his skates, not once turning to look at you.
âwhat was what?â
you know fully well that he is aware of what you are talking about but you decide to humour him as you elaborate, âthat last faceoff. i clearly told you to play defensively, but you went against it to try for a goal. and let me guess, you told the others to ignore what i said.â
âand so what if i did?â hongjoong challenges. yeosangâs wide eyes dart from side to side and yunho watches on uneasily as his captain finally turns to glare at you. âin that momentâas a player on the rinkâi saw the opportunity and took it. if there is a chance to attack, then my team takes it. we donât run away like cowards.â
the successive jabs at your athletic retirement cause a lick of phantom heat to wrap around your shoulder. your jaw grinds as you hold yourself back from biting the bait. âthen iâm curious as to what opportunity you saw every time you decided to withhold game tactics from me, or every time you changed the strategy the moment you and your team stepped foot onto the rink.â
âmaybe we would respect and listen to your coaching if it actually suited the playing style of our team. heavy defence may have worked for the grey eagles, but i think you need to reevaluate your abilities as a coach because it seems like you are forgetting that we are not them. forcing us to play defensively like your past team is not going to work for shit, coach,â hongjoong mocks.
you scoff to the side, questioning your own ears. it borders on a laugh, because that is his reason? you have been adjusting their playing style not only based on the situation that arises each game, but in general for their own good. earning his respect be damned, you will not stand for this.
you return the same scornful tone, âwell then, captain, considering you just lost the fucking match because you were too arrogant to defend for twelve fucking seconds, i think you should also reevaluate yourself. are you acting in the best interest of your team, or are you acting in the way that best strokes your own ego? and let me remind youâif you suffer an injury, your whole team suffers with you.
âif you do not have the decency to at least tell me what you have discussed with the boys so that i can adjust the plays accordingly, then i think the shit results of your games so far speak for themselves. teams have a coach for a reason whether you like it or notâŚor maybe i should say, whether you trust them or not,â you snap.
running your stressed fingers through your hair, you tear your eyes away from hongjoongâs defiant eyes. the two youngest avoid your gaze, whereas yunho and yeosang simply stare at you with their jaws slack at a loss for words. the fire within you almost quenches when your eyes skim over san, mingi and even seonghwa, who are fiddling with their jerseys with guilt.
the room suddenly feels too small and too stuffy. âchange. the bus will be waiting outside,â you mumble, then you leave without a further word.
nobody in the room moves in the wake of the argument, not even hongjoong, who continues to bore holes in the doorway that you have just disappeared through. yunhoâs eyes awkwardly dart back and forth between hongjoong and the other boys before they land on the bench you had been sitting on.
the notebook you are always holding is still there, left behind in your haste to leave. he stands up to grab it, turning on his heels to chase after you when the open pages catch his eye. âwoah,â yunho breathes out, double-taking and bringing the notebook closer towards him to read the contents. âthis is insane.â
you have marked down not only their score for every single game they have played this season, but you have also tracked the statistics of who has scored, assisted, or successfully defended a shot. yunho flips back through the pages as the other boys come to crowd around him. there are logs of their major games from the past five years, diagrams of their faceoff plays and formations, analyses of their strengths in games won and similarly, analyses of their weaknesses in games they have lost.
âoh, fuck,â mingi curses when yunho flips to the more recent pages and they see that you have compiled the same details and information, only more concisely, for every single opponent team the red devils have played against this season. there is no way of seeing thisâhours upon hours of hard workâand still questioning your intentions as their coach. âi think we owe coach a huge fuckinâ apology.â
hongjoong immediately furrows his eyebrows with displeasure. âare you taking her side, mingi?â
âcaptain,â mingi deliberately calls. it is at times like this where being the only logical thinker in the team has its merits. it may be harsh, but mingi must draw the line between their professional and personal life. this dispute must stay strictly within the bounds of their career without blurring the lines over into their romantic involvement with one another, otherwise things could get messy real fast.
mingi stares at the captain as he reasons, âthis isnât about taking sides. from a solely rational point of view, i think it may have been better for us to play safe and defend like coach had suggested.â
from beside him, san nods in agreement. mingi continues, âand iâm not just talking about todayâthere were a lot of times when coachâs plays might have worked out better than bulldozing ahead with offence. yeah, weâve won a few games but weâve also lost just as many. how many of those could we have won if we had trusted coach?â
yunho backs him up whilst gesturing vaguely between the both of them and san, âitâs easier for the three of us to see from defence, but their forwards were already close to intercepting our faceoffs quite a few times that game.â
hongjoongâs immediate thought is to defend himself, because he is their captain and their centre forward; the one who leads them into opportunities to score and win. he knows that every single time he chooses an aggressive play, it is at the risk of weaker defence. the odds have never deterred him, though, because he has always been confident in his abilitiesâin his teamâs abilities.
but if, even now with the palpable experience of losing because of his own decision, it still does not deter him from taking risks in a situation where offence may be his downfall, then is he confidentâŚor overconfident?
it is quiet for a moment. hongjoong swallows the urge to justify against their opinionsâagainst your opinionsâinstead looking around at his team. he meets jonghoâs round eyes and he remembers one of the very reasons why he is so committed to leading the red devils to the gold trophy. why, if he is becoming a hurdle instead to their victory, then he needs to change. âwhat does everybody else think? seonghwa?â
âweâve been wary of y/n all this time, but the more games we play and especially afterâŚâ the alternate captain vaguely gestures in the air, â...today, we should really work with her instead of relying on ourselves. weâve seen her notebook, too, and i think thatâs more than enough for us to see that the effort and resolve she places in our team is genuine. we need to acknowledge that and apologise.â
ânot even coach cho went to these lengths, and most definitely not coach yeon,â yeosang shrugs as he offhandedly comments.
spurred on by everybody else, san carefully voices the thought that has been lingering on his mind, âi think itâs time to tell her the truth. we owe her that much.â
the truth. the wounds that not even coach cho knows of.
hongjoongâs distrust in you may have initially been true to his desire to protect his boys from something like that from happening again. but he is now realising that you may have seen right through him. perhaps at some point in time, it became unwillingness to trust you, blinded by his prideful title as the demon king of the ice rink but at the expense of his team under the guise of wanting to safeguard them.
exhaling shakily, voice thick with regret, hongjoong accepts, âiâve let you all down, havenât i?â
âno,â yunho gently rebukes. âletting us down would be refusing to listen to us. we trust you for a reason, hongjoong.â
not just as a captain, but as everything else too.
seonghwa wraps an arm comfortingly around him. with hongjoongâs demonic presence on the ice once he is in the zone, it is easy to forget that he actually has a shorter stature than all of them. âthatâs right, we trust you,â seonghwa affirms. âthe next step is for us to trust our coach as well. weâre a team, but it isnât complete without our coach.â
âand this apology isnât yours alone to bear,â yunho reminds. âlike seonghwa said, weâre a team and we all have fault in our behaviour towards y/n. if iâm honest, i had a shitty attitude and gave her a hard time at the start too,â he admits, wincing at the memory.
yunho is not the only one who grimaces as they reflect on their own actionsâwhether they happened when you were first introduced to the team, during your first training together, or even up until todayâs game. but wooyoung, who has been quiet throughout the entire ordeal, still has a niggling doubt: one that is most personal to him in comparison to the rest of the team.
wooyoung reveals his thoughts, âbut what about her choice to stop playing? i still canât think of a good reason that i can respect her for having retired.â
âthen we ask her,â mingi proposes.
jongho nods, also curious to know whether there is more to your decision than you have let on. âtoday, though? we donât really want to come off as accusatory or anything. it might be good to give her some space today.â
âwhatâs our schedule looking like tomorrow? training?â
everyone looks at seonghwa, the most likely person to know their schedule off by heart. he does, and he scratches his head as he recalls, âno, recovery day. low-intensity cardio in the morning andâŚa team meeting with coach in the afternoon.â
âtomorrow it is, then,â hongjoong concludes. there are hums of agreement and the decision appears to appease wooyoung enough for the boys to start dispersing, heading to their lockers to finally start changing out of their gear.
wooyoung tosses his helmet and gloves onto the bench in front of his locker before sitting with a sharp but discreet inhale. he carefully loosens the laces on his skates, easing the left one off his foot slowly. the relief is immediate and his fingertips gingerly touch the throbbing area around his ankle. it is not too swollen, but he will need to ice it when they get back to their apartment and he will definitely need to buy more tape.
he sheds off the rest of his gear and uniform, leaving them on the bench too to air out while he takes a quick shower. as he roughly towels his wet hair afterwards, he drags his kit bag further out to make it easier to toss everything in.
âhuh?â wooyoung makes a noise of confusion when he unzips the bag, hand immediately reaching in to grab the item that has caught his eye. it is partially covered by his hoodie but he would be able to recognise the packaging anywhere.
âwhatâs wrong?â san asks, glancing over.
the younger brandishes the brand new roll of strapping tape he has found in his bag, the frown etched across his face slowly relaxing into amused exasperation as he reasons, âi must not have seen this in my bag all along.â
san is about to snort and make fun of his inattentiveness, but a sudden thought stuns the smile off his face. it was not that wooyoung had managed to miss the spare roll in his bag. it wasâ
ây/n,â he quietly exhales with realisation.
at wooyoungâs questioning what?, san looks at him with upturned eyebrows. âthe tapeâcoach was the one who put it in your bag, right before we all walked in here.â
âthisâŚshe gave it to me?â wooyoungâs face drops, remorse evident in the thickness of his voice. âbut why?â
san gently squeezes his shoulder with a smile, simply answering, âbecause sheâs our coach.â he turns to zip up his own kit bag and leaves wooyoung to digest the revelation. the boy is quiet for the rest of the time, teeth gnawing at the inside of his cheek as he stares ahead and absentmindedly follows the rest of his team out of the locker room.
when they exit the ice arena, they do not expect to see you. and yet, there you stand beside their bus waiting stonily with your jacket zipped up and hands in your pockets. you mentally count them off without acknowledging them as they start to store their kit bags under the bus and board. yeosang gets on first, taking a seat near the front of the bus as usual. he watches from the window as you wait for the rest of the boys.
you follow jongho up the stairs, the last to load his kit bag, and tell the driver that you are all good to leave. yeosang sits a little straighter as he tucks his small backpack further under the seat in front of him with his feet, having left the seat beside him empty. but before he can open his mouth with an offer of a seat, you have already sat right behind the driver. yeosang leans back into the cushions of his seat, unfamiliar with the sense of disappointment he feels.
the ride back from the competition venueâmuch less after a lost gameâis always quiet, players both physically and mentally exhausted from the strain. this time, though, it is strikingly silent, but you appreciate itâneed it.
you stare out of the window as the trees flicker past like a repetitive motion film. most of their leaves have already fallen off, littering the ground in a blur of tragic glory. and with the beginning of winter, the trees will soon become completely bare, bringing about the period of time when there is nothing but bleak emptiness.
winter, 2019: regular season
â2019 ice hockey rookie stars tournament: team standingsâ
hongjoong stares at the printed piece of paper with seonghwa at his side, where the results of all the teamâs round-robin games have been taped up onto the walls of the stadium. hongjoong does not even bother reading from the top, eyes going straight down to the bottom of the page instead.
the red devils are dead last, having lost every single one of their matches. even the korean penguins, who had nil wins either, had managed to beat them earlier today, ranking them at the lowest of all teams. it is fucking humiliating and hongjoong hates that the sport that had brought him and his boys all together, that they had immeasurable love for, is now one that fills them with shame and indignity.
nobody else but the two captains of the team have decided to look at the rankings. they had all already known towards the end of the regular season that they would not stand a chance at making it into the playoffs. and yet, hongjoong and seonghwa need to see the results for themselves. it is almost masochistic, forcing themselves to look at the fruitless results of their hard work in their first competition that has so devastatingly crushed their morality.
seonghwa picks at his cuticles fretfully and wonders whether he made the wrong decision to give up his education in pursuit of becoming an athlete. he thinks of his parents, who had encouraged him with supportive smiles and offers of financial support the moment he brought up the ideaâwas it all in vain?
âare you two done looking?â
both of the boys turn at the question to find a captain with his team waiting to look at the standings.
âyeah, sorry,â hongjoong mumbles before stepping aside to yield his spot. the players swarm forwards and he is pushed further back away from the list like a physical representation of his distance from the playoffs.
somebody from the other team yells, âwe made it! weâre in the playoffs!â and they simultaneously break out into cries and cheers as they celebrate together.
hongjoong watches on bitterly, wishing with every cell in his body that that was him and his boys. how is he going to walk back into the locker room as their captain when all of his boys have eyes that are rimmed red and cheeks that are blotchy from despairâwhen there are captains like that who have successfully led their team to at least a chance at winning the competition.
the feeling of a pinky slowly hooking around his own draws hongjoong out of his pain. âletâs go back,â seonghwa murmurs, tugging him away from the still-celebrating team. together, both of them start to walk back through the hallways to their locker room.Â
âarenât we down here?â seonghwa questions, standing at the t-intersection that hongjoong has absentmindedly walked straight past.
âoh, yeah. sorry,â hongjoong apologises and begins to backtrack. his ears suddenly perk up at the sound of a voice. âwait, doesnât that sound like coach?â
before seonghwa can respond, hongjoong has turned around yet again towards the voice in search of their coach. seonghwa hurries to catch up and that is when he hears it too.
âhave you transferred the money?â
âyes, i wired you the remaining amount the moment we won,â a deeper, unrecognisable voice reassures.
hongjoongâs footsteps falter, brows knitting together and head cocking to one side. he gestures for seonghwa to slow down, pressing a finger on his other hand to his lips. both of them creep forward silently.
the unfamiliar voice probes, âyour teamâyouâre sure they donât suspect anything?â
hongjoong and seonghwa do not need to see him to confirm their suspicions when they hear the unmistakable laughter of coach yeon. through the gravelly sound, he mocks, âthey have no fucking clue even though theyâve lost every single one of their games. theyâre dumber than fucking sheep. their captain tells me everything about their plays and strategies and they never question it when i change things around.â
seonghwa clutches the back of hongjoongâs jersey with a death grip, knowing that without it, his captain will punch coach yeonâs face into a bloody mess. but as much as their coach deserves it, it is not worth the disciplinary action that will inevitably follow, likely suspension, becauseâ
âplus, even if they do somehow find out, what can they do about it? bullshit, thatâs what. they have no evidence and theyâre not going to risk blowing this up and ruining their own careers instead,â coach yeon boasts smugly. âlosing like that as a rookie group in their first year out is completely normal. no one will believe them, and no coach is going to want their team after that because of their âshitty sportsmanshipâ or out of fear of being accused in the same way if they lose again.â
at coach yeonâs words, seonghwa scrambles to put them into context with his dread-riddled mind. the echoing pounding in his ears tells him that he has just heard something that was never meant to be known. he does not even notice that the voices start to grow distant as the two men begin to walk off, but hongjoong does.
the trembling grip that is still on the back of his jersey grounds hongjoong enough not to throw everything away and sprint up to coach yeon with vile words and heated fists, but he also cannot do nothing. hongjoong peers around the corner before seonghwa can counteract his movement, desperate to identify who exactly coach yeon is talking to. except the revelation has him reeling, hands white from how hard his fingers dig into his palmâa stark contrast to the deep scarlet of flames that leap forth from his murderous eyes.
because the person who is walking beside coach yeon is the coach of the korean penguins. hongjoong and his boys have not been losing because of their skills they believed to be fucking shitâcoach yeon has been fucking ensuring they lose.
for money.
winter, present: regular season
you stand on the balcony of your apartment. the sliding glass doors are shut behind you to keep the heat trapped inside, but for now you welcome the refreshing cold of the winter chill as you simply observe.
below on the streets, the miniature specks of people and cars mill around as if you are watching a game simulation. it is strangely humbling to think that each and every one of the people you see are living their own lives, completely distinct to yours with different yet very real problems of their own, but in the grand scheme of the cosmos, you are all insignificant.
you wonder what concern the people holding their coffee are plagued with right now; what problem the people crossing the street are facing. you wonder, if you were to tell them of your worries and they were to tell you of theirs, would you curse or thank the heavens?
the phone in your hand buzzes. you look to see if it is from coach cho and manage a small smile of relief when the notification is indeed from him.
apologies y/n, i was busy earlier. i can call now if you still need me?
you send an affirmative reply, then slide to answer the call that comes through. âhi coach, sorry to bother you.â
âno, youâre alright. is everything okay?â
you hesitate before revealing, â...i messed things up with the boys.â
âthe team?â his voice goes gentle, fatherly nature extending to you too. âwhat happened?â
âhongjoong and i had an argument today after the game because he keeps changing the teamâs plays without letting me know, or even after weâve agreed on something else. it was only meant to be a talk, but then things escalated and we ended up fighting. i justâi donât know what you saw in me, coach, because i donât think iâm fit for the boys,â you ramble. âtheyâre not listening to me, they probably donât even like me, and weâre going terribly with the season.â
you take a breath as you timidly admit, âi donât think weâre going to make it into the playoffs and itâs going to be my fault.â
âhey,â coach cho grounds you, âmaking the playoffs would be great, yes, but the reality is that most teams donât. and youâre still very young yourselfâthis is your, whatâŚfifth year of coaching?â
throat too sticky to formulate a response, you simply hum.
âwhen i first started coaching, i was older than you and it was still a steep learning curve during my first ten years. i believed that coaches deserved the utmost respect and that my opinion was final. theyâre my players, so of course i should be the one laying down the laws,â he chuckles. âbut growing up was realising that whilst the respect is still there, it needs to be mutual. coaching a team is not a hierarchy of âi command, you listenâ, but a show of leadership with the captain at the front of the teamânot on top of them.â
his words strike a chord within you. coaching the boys was frustrating because they were not listening to you. but it should never have been a case of who listens to whoâit should always have been a reciprocated relationship of everyone listening to one other.
as if he can physically feel the guilt that is starting to settle in the pit of your stomach, coach cho draws your attention to something else. âremember what i told you when we met the team for the first time? why i chose you specifically?â
âbecause of our similar playing styles?â you recall.
âexactly,â he confirms, âyou know best the strategies and plays that work, and what their strengths and weaknesses are, because they were also your own. you need to be a coach to their playing style, not the other way aroundâthey shouldnât be a player to your coaching style.â
you cannot help but worry, âwhat if they get injured?â
ây/n, this is where your similarities can either be your biggest flaw or your greatest asset as a coach. no matter how safely they play, there will always be a risk of injury. that is just how the sport works and you know that the best. you can teach them to assess the risk and pull back if they really need to, but ultimately, there is no way of eliminating the risk completely.â coach cho pauses, then asks, âif you could meet your younger self, would you make yourself change your playing style?â
would you? as you imagine what you would tell your past self if you had the chance to, you find that you do not have an answer. perhaps for the sake of a prolonged career, you would. but then would it be your passion and skills that are playing the game, or your fears and worries?
if you cannot come to a decision even for yourself, then it is completely unfair for you to restrain the boys within the cages of what you view as safety for their own good. harnessing the defensive skills may have been functional for the grey eagles, but like hongjoong said, you are coaching the red devils now and it is not working for them. you must come to terms that you cannot protect the boys at every opportunityâconsciously or unconsciouslyâyou need to be a coach to them.
coach cho, aware that you have come to a conclusion, asks you one final question, âhave you told the boys why you retired?â
âno, not yet,â you shake your head. you already have an idea of what he is going to say to you next.
âi think itâs time for you to tell them,â he advises. âremember, y/n, sometimes you need to be vulnerable with them first before you can make things right.â
after coach cho ends the call, you do not make a move to go back inside the apartment. you stay standing on your balcony, arms folded as you lean against the handrail listening to the faint rumble of traffic and hustle of busy activity. life goes on, and so will yours; you just have to make it count.
the trees on the streets may be stripped bare and lonely throughout winter, but eventually you learn to appreciate its nothingness. it is a necessity in order to start afresh.
mingi stares at the blinking cursor that sits in the open search bar. it has been empty for the last twenty minutes since he started up his laptop, wondering whether it would be an invasion of privacy for him to look you up on the internet.
he makes up his mind. he knows that he was the one to tell wooyoung only mere hours ago that they would ask you about your decision to retire tomorrow at the meeting, but mingi supposes it would not hurt to simply see what sort of athlete you were like before.
typing your full name into the search engine, mingi hits âenterâ and waits for the results to appear. he combs through the first several links quickly. they all have the same information; ice hockey databases and websites that detail your age, nationality, physical stats and position, but the sections that usually list your team and agency are now blank.
mingi is surprised to learn you were also a centre forward. he scrolls down to your game logs and match statistics that span from 2014 to 2019. you have won an impressive number of championships, most notably the under-18 and under-21 womenâs ice hockey league. they are both international competitions and mingi is not sure how your reputation has flown under all of their radars.
frowning, he goes back to the search engine and clicks on the next page in an attempt to find more information. it is not until he clicks yet again to the next page that he finds a low-reputed news article from almost eight years ago where you are the main subject.
ây/n l/n, youngest player of âblack catsâ, wins ice hockey championship at the age of sixteenâ the headline reads. there is not much to the article, but it outlines your admirable achievement at your young age as a rising prodigy in the ice hockey scene. mingi agrees, since he knows that you also go on to win another international competition a few years after that. just as he is about to close the tab, there is a recommended link that catches his eye.
he hovers his cursor over it. the hyperlinked headline does not explicitly say your name, but the phrasing really only alludes to one athlete considering it is a recommended link on your article. mingi does not know whether he wants to click on it, though, because he is afraid of confirming it is you.
and if it isâŚthen the others will also need to see this too.
âhongjoong, guys, come look at this,â mingi calls out, balancing his laptop on his forearm as he walks out into the open living room. the others look up from where they are sitting or emerge from out of their rooms at his summon.
âwhatâs this?â hongjoong reaches out to receive the laptop and places it on the table. his eyes skim the screen, trying to make sense of what mingi is showing them.
mingi points to the hyperlink he had been mulling over. âi think we need to look at this.â
solemnity washes over the boys as their curious gazes dull and darken, realisation of what exactly they are reading dawning upon them. all at once, their hearts clench in solidarity. hongjoong clicks on the link. the only sound that permeates the silence is the rhythmic tick of the clock on the wall. nobody talks. nobody moves.
ice hockey star announces retirement following shoulder injury june 18, 2019 star player y/n l/n, centre forward of the âblack catsâ, has announced her retirement from professional ice hockey today. her decision follows lingering issues after suffering from a rotator cuff tear during the grand finals of this yearâs under-21 womenâs ice hockey league. l/n has been under the ice hockey spotlight ever since her win in the under-18âs league as the youngest player on her team. she is well-known for her offensive threat to the opponents, bold playing style and unparalleled skill breaking through the lines of defence. during the grand finals in april, l/n was body checked from the side by âpolar bearsââ kim hyejin. although full-body checking is illegal in womenâs hockey, it is not uncommon during the heat of competitions. l/n suffered a severe right rotator cuff tear and is reported to have received open surgery last month. l/n did not provide further details about her recovery, however stated that she plans to focus on her physical rehabilitation in the meantime.
the glare of the screen stares back at the boys as they finally understand exactly why you had retired and why you had come back as a coachâyou were unable to fully step away from the sport you so loved with your entire life.
âcoach wasnât telling us to play defensively at all the crucial times just for the sake of the game strategyâŚâ seonghwa grasps.
â...but because she didnât want the same thing to happen to us,â hongjoong finishes. one of your heated remarks during your argument with him suddenly resounds in his mind: and let me remind youâif you suffer an injury, your whole team suffers with you. you had been reliving your own demons every single time hongjoong and his boys were playing aggressively on the ice. âfuck,â he mutters.
mingi leans down a little. âwait, see if there are any other articles about this.â
fingers dancing across the keyboard, hongjoong opens up a new tab. another quick search of your name with the keywords âinjuryâ and âretirementâ yields no further articles. mingi is certain you would have had more media coverage considering you had suffered an injury at the rising peak of your prodigious career, so he finds it strange that there is close to no information about this.
âit almost looks as if somebody had the articles purged from the internet,â mingi observes.
jongho nods with furrowed brows, âmaybe y/n? but why would she go to the length to remove them?â
âi mean, wooyoung didnât exactly go around flaunting off his injury to the media. maybe she didnât want the attention anymore,â yeosang guesses.
yunho nudges wooyoung playfully as he comments, âno offence to you, but none of us are exactly famous enough for the media to take interest in our injuries.â
âi think the real question is why coach didnât tell us that her injury was the reason why she stopped playing,â seonghwa wonders, âit was never really a choice like she made it out to be.â
none of them know the answer. hongjoong slowly closes the laptop, exhaling deeply, âweâve got a lot of things to clear up tomorrowâŚand a lot of apologising. iâm going to sleep early. you all should too.â
with that, he gets out of his seat and disappears into his bedroom. hongjoongâs mind is heavy and crowded and he knows he is going to be awake for a while.
nobody sleeps well that night. especially wooyoung.
spring, 2023: playoffs
âwhat do you mean i canât compete in the playoffs?â
âyou have a fractured ankle, wooyoung. the playoffs are honestly the least of your concerns and if you keep straining yourself like this, it wonât just be the playoffs that you canât compete inâitâll be the rest of your life,â coach cho admonishes.
âbut this is our first proper championship, coach,â wooyoung begs, âyou have to let me play.â
coach cho hates that he has to say no and if he could swap ankles with his player, he would do so in a heartbeat. âthis isnât a choice. you physically cannot play. what are you going to do out there on the ice? crawl?â
âfuck, coach, you donât understand. it was so hard for us to get to this point. this means everything to me, fuck, please,â wooyoung pleads between heaving breaths.
âiâm sorry, wooyoung,â coach cho apologises, leaving no further room for argument as the other boys divert their gazes to the floor.
hongjoong gently squeezes wooyoungâs shoulder. âthe doctor said that your cast can come off in about eight weeks and if itâs looking good, you can gradually join in on any light training when itâs off-season.â
wooyoung does not care because in eight weekâs time the playoffs will already be over. he knows he is being unreasonable and that there is no chance he will be able to set foot in an ice rink within the next two months. but his heart and mind are operating separately and the only thing his heart can see is the opportunity of playing in the championships slipping right out of his grasp.
he is already angry at himself for getting injured in the first place but it is not enough to quell wooyoungâs raging inferno. so he does the only thing he can think of in the momentâhe spits out his anger with a venomous, âi hate you all.â
it hurts the boys more to see wooyoung hurting and coach cho speaks up on their behalf, âi would rather you hate us now than for you to hate yourself in the future because you traded decades of your career for this one playoff.â
wooyoung jerks his head away defiantly, but they know he is only trying to hide his tears. unable to watch any longer, san moves in closer and pulls the younger into his arms.
âfuck off, san. i donât need you.â
san swallows the hurt in his chest because he knows there is no truth behind wooyoungâs words. âi know you donât,â he offers, âbut i need you. so just let me stay.â
wooyoungâs body sags as all of the fight slips out of him in the form of shuddering sobs. san embraces him tightly, as if he has picked up all the pieces of the other and only a hug can make him whole again.
âiâm sorry,â wooyoung chokes out.
san shakes his head with reassuring hushes, âdonât be. you focus on recovering and weâll take it from here.â
like that, wooyoungâs anger is quenched and the team goes on to compete in the playoffs without him. but in the absence of anger comes other emotions, jealousy and insecurity the ugliest of them all. wooyoung despises the bitter taste in his mouth as he sits on the playerâs bench outside of the rink each game, only able to helplessly watch his team advance further in the playoffs without him.
and as much as wooyoung wants them to win, he also does not want them to win, because if they can win the championships without him playing as their left wing, then do they really need him at all? he never gets to find out the answer though. they lose in the quarter finals.
wooyoung does not tell anybody about the ill relief he feelsâŚand he vows to take that secret with him to the grave.
winter, present: regular season
the moment you walk into kqâs meeting room, a rehearsed apology for the team on the tip of your tongue, you realise that something is off. not necessarily wrong, per se; just off.
all the boys are sitting around the table as usual, though the overhead projector that is routinely already set up with video footage of their recent games has been put on standby mode. but the thing that unconsciously makes your hackles rise is the expression they all nurse on their faces, strangely familiar yet foreign at the same time. it is familiar in the sense that people have looked at you this way in the past, but it is foreign in the sense that it has never come from the boys before.
âhi, coach,â hongjoong clears his throat awkwardly, opting to look at the wall behind you instead of your eyes as if even he knows this is the first time he has ever addressed you as such. âwe had aâŚtalk last night and thought we should probably clear up a few things before we discuss the actual games.â
although you share the same sentiment as they do, hongjoongâs words put you on guard. gingerly, you lower yourself into an empty seat across from him. âi also have a couple of things to say, but you guys start,â you cue.
hongjoong glances at seonghwa beside him, who in turn gives him a miniscule shrug. neither of them know how to bring it up with you as they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. thankfully, mingi steps in, not one to beat around the bush.
âwhy didnât you tell us about your injury?â he asks directly.
with mingiâs question, you are suddenly able to place their expression. the boys look at you warily as if you are a wounded animal they are afraid will run away. you loathed the expression years ago when it was from your coach, your teammates and your familyâthe constant treading on eggshells around you with pitying eyesâand you still loathe it just as much as you do now.
your prickles emerge and your instinctive reaction is to deny it. you have kept your injury a secret up until now for a reason and the unexpected confrontation has all of your sirens blaring to keep it a secret. but then you remember coach choâs adviceâyou remember the apology you had mulled over all nightâand you force your prickles to retract.
you take a breath. coach cho would not have told them about your injury, so there is only one way the boys could have found out about it. âyou read the articles, didnât you?â
mingi at least has the decency to look sheepish as he admits, âoneâŚbut there werenât any others.â
âi thought as much,â you mumble to yourself, smiling tightly. you choose not to think about how they came across the article. âi wanted them all removed and my agency managed to pull enough connections to sweep the articles under the rug, but i should have known that in this day and age it would be impossible to get rid of any media completely.â
the question remains as to why you have chosen to keep this hidden and alsoâ
âwhy did you want them removed, though?â hongjoong furrows his brows.
you have faced countless demons in the last six years. the injury itself, the abrupt end to your golden days, and the forced reconciliation with the fact that you will never be able to play again. and yet, the demon that continues to haunt you to this day is the media spotlight that chases after you as if you are a circus animal.
you are unable to look at any of them in the eye as you finally bare yourself open to the boys. âthe articles felt belittling and shamefulâthey still do. they made me feel less as an athlete then and they make me feel less as a coach now. i worked my heart and soul to get to where i was with the skills that i had, but you donât understand just how crippling it is for all of that to be overshadowed by an injury. it was no longer a celebration of my achievements, simply because nobody cared anymore. it just became a fucking broken record of, âhow does it feel to have fallen at the peak of your career?â
âthen when i became a coach, it didnât matter how well my team performed or how hard they worked to win the championships. the question became, âhow does it feel to coach after being forced to retire because of your injury?â no matter how hard i tried, i just could not escape the hellhole of my injury.â
guilt settles in the pit of mingiâs stomach as it also does for the others. they may not have written the article, but by consuming it and searching for more, they had unknowingly joined the faceless masses of those who had hurt you.
you dig your thumbs into the flesh of your thighs to stop your voice from shaking as you continue, âthe media will not care for the achievements that myself or my players accomplish when there is something even betterâa sob story. but i do not need that kind of pity. not from athletes, not from other coaches, and most definitely not from strangers silently pitying my life from behind their newspaper or screen when i did not ask for any of it. i made people forget and i kept this all hidden because my career, be it as a coach or a former athlete, does not deserve to be reduced to that kind of shit.â
the raw honesty behind your words strikes the boys silent. what they thought they had started to understand about you, they are now realising was barely the tip of the iceberg. seonghwa wonders for just how long you have left this wound bleeding and untreated. he calls out for you sadly, âcoach, you shouldâve told us.â
when you look up, you are surprised to find wetness brimming his eyes. you feel the hot rush of emotions build up behind your own eyes but from anger, because why is he upset? what reason does he have to cry when you are the one who has suffered all this time?
your voice is biting when you respond, âand have you look down on me like everybody else? i just said, i do not need your pityââ
âitâs not pity,â a voice interrupts firmly. of all people, you least expected it to come from wooyoung. his tone stays unyielding as he holds your gaze. âweâre athletes too, y/n.â
the way he includes you in the collectiveâas an athleteâhas your glare softening immediately, replaced by the dangerous quivering of your bottom lip while he elaborates, albeit voice gentler now, âwe are hurting for youâwith you. it is not pity; it is standing by your side in hopes that we can help you up if you ever fall again.â
because it is okay to fall, and you will fall; wooyoung knows that the best.
you tilt your head upwards as you desperately blink back the tears that suddenly threaten to spill. the swell of emotions that had churned in your chest had not been anger but fatigue, you realise. wooyoungâs words give you sudden clarity that you are tiredâof suffering alone and in silence. you want help.
âiâm tired of hurting,â you confess quietly.
âthen let us share the hurt with you.â
the dam breaks and your tears fall freely down your cheeks. it starts off with a nod so miniscule that the boys think they have imagined it, but then slowly and surely, your head moves up and down with more conviction. âokay,â you whisper.
you had always thought that you had come to terms with your injury and the end of your career, but perhaps you are still mourning your lossâŚand perhaps that is okay. like looking into a time-warped mirror, wooyoung sees the fight slip out of your body with a sob as you apologise, âiâm sorry.â
san wants to cross the room and wrap his arms around you if it can take away even just a fraction of your hurt. but he knows that he cannot cross the boundaries of professionalism despite the intimate nature of the conversation right now, especially when you and the team are only just starting to patch things up. so instead, he opts to rub his thumb over the knuckles of wooyoungâs hand from under the table, which has slipped into his, hoping that one day he will be able to do the same for you.
âwe understand,â hongjoong answers on their behalf, âyou were doing what you needed to do in order to protect yourself.â
and if you do not realise that he says those words for himself and his team to hear too, then you will by the end of the conversation as you walk away with a newfound understanding of them.
âno, not just for that,â you shake your head, roughly swiping at your tears with the back of your hand. âit ended up negatively influencing the way i coached you guys, even if it was subconscious. i let my own trauma dictate how i wanted you to play: defensively all the time whether it was needed or not. hongjoong, you were right about me not coaching your team as your team.â
you try your damned hardest to keep your voice steady so that you can look at them properly to apologise, âiâm sorry i made it so hard to trust me as your coach.â
âokay, let me stop you right there,â yunho smiles gently, sliding a tissue box in your direction. âwe were pricks too, so half the apology is ours.â
âdonât call her a prick,â seonghwa whispers. his horrified expression relaxes when you break out into a wet chuckle.
hongjoong is glad that you are able to find something to laugh about even with your cheeks still damp and blotchy, and he finds his mouth curling into a bittersweet smile. you have been honest and vulnerable with them and now it is their turn.
âwe have something to tell you about our past coach,â he starts, drawing your gaze to him. ânot coach choâour very first coach. weâre not trying to justify that what we did as a result was okay, butâŚâ
âbut hopefully i can understand,â you finish when hongjoong hesitates. he nods and you mirror his action with a reassuring smile to encourage him to talk.
but irregardless of what they tell you, you already know that you want to understand them, because understanding is the first step to forgiving, and you want that too.
so with intermittent comments from the other boys, hongjoong reveals to you the hidden wounds they have been nursing. and as they tell you about coach yeon, how their trust in him had been misplaced, how he had betrayed it for money at the expense of their championship, and how they had then let that become mistrust in you and your reason for retiring, wooyoung finds himself quiet so that he can steal glances at you.
he can see it now. the untameable beast within you of passion for ice hockey that has been forcibly chained down to the ground with the weight of the earth. the devastating torment that must incessantly surge through you in the most debilitating waves, tenfold any anguish he felt when he was unable to compete in the playoffs. the blemished canvas of dark and ghastly emotions that you do not let see the light of day, yet continue to coexist in hidden silence.
it is there and then that wooyoung realises you and him may be more similar than he thoughtâthat you may actually understand him better than any of his seven boys.
you stop the drill.
yeosang gracefully turns in an arc whilst keeping the puck close to his stick as hongjoong and seonghwa dig their skates into the ice to brake before their momentum takes out the younger.
âletâs have jongho try using the perimeter of the rink instead of passing to yeosang this time. start the faceoff again,â you instruct.
the chorus of responses that you receive are zealous, even slightly teasing as the boys lower their voices with a, âyes, coach!â and give you small salutes with their gloved hands. you cannot help but snort and shake your head, waving at them to retake their positions.
practice is short today, since your team has a game tomorrow. the first half an hour consisted of running through offensive formations for power plays and you are now focusing on defensive penalty kills. your two captains and wooyoung are playing as the mock opponents, preparing your remaining wings and defenseman for a situation where they are down a player.
hongjoong seems to mull over a thought as he looks at the formation of his boys. âyou mentioned the team weâre playing against has a tendency to position their forwards higher up, didnât you?â he asks and when you nod, he suggests, âwhat do you think about trying the diamond formation instead? might help close some of their shooting lanes.â
with the captainâs input, you reposition yeosang further up to form the tip of the diamond, and yunho too to cover the right point whilst jongho covers the left. mingi moves in a little closer to the goal to cover the bottom of the diamond and you make sure to point out the importance of his position.
âif the opportunity arises, we can transition into a counterattack instead with 3-1. but weâll need to make sure we still cover the goal in case they turn it back over againâmingi, this will probably be you. support whoever has the puck from behind, but make sure you donât go too far forward.â
mingi answers with an affirmative and yeosang passes the puck to hongjoong for him to commence the penalty kill. at your whistle, the rink explodes into action. wooyoung and seonghwa immediately split down the perimeters to open up shooting lanes for their captain, who passes the puck off to wooyoung the moment he has cleared half the rink. with a brief adjustment of the puckâs angle, he attempts a cross-ice pass to where seonghwa is free on the other side.
with astonishing speed, jongho intercepts the puck and yells, â3-1!â he continues to barrel forward with the momentum of his explosive acceleration towards the goal as yeosang anticipates a pass and yunho joins the counterattack rush to his right. the three of your players charge forwards with adrenaline as mingi covers them from behind. jongho chips the puck over hongjoongâs stick, which is immediately taken up by yeosang. without a goaltender, he finishes it off with an easy shot into the net.
the tempo and execution of the rush surprises not just you, but the boys themselves too, who are tapping their sticks together with elated excitement at the success of the play. it may only be a simulated practice drill, but you still share in the same pride and contentment that hongjoongâs face glows at you with.
he cocks his head to the side with a paired smile and you return the same nonverbal acknowledgement. corners of your lips still lifted up, you gather the boys, âletâs have a drink break.â
as the boys make their way over to the benches, removing their gloves and helmets, you eye the water bottles and make sure you have enoughâfive in the cooler and three on the bench beside it. san bounds up to you after grabbing one from the cooler, bragging, âcoach! did you see the way jongho intercepted that puck?â
from beside him, wooyoung reenacts the moment with wild flails of his limbs and airy whooshes from his mouth, jongho watching with bashful giggles. you indulge in their animated recount and listen intently. âhe was amazingly fast,â you agree.
yeosang passes an opened bottle to wooyoung before untwisting the lid to his own, commenting, âthe ankle weights on top of all the training must be working.â
the boys are not currently wearing any, but you had slowly implemented the use of vests, ankle or wrist weights during specific drills. now that they have taken them off and are playing without the burden of the additional mass, you are all starting to see the gains of their hard work.
you smirk with satisfaction, âof course. if my players are going to bulldoze across the ice, may as well make them fast enough to avoid all the opponents.â
âdonât encourage her,â wooyoung elbows yeosang scandalously. âsheâs going to make us wear heavier weights next practice.â
âyou donât get to complain if you donât even wear the weights,â you quip.
he knows his injury means that he cannot wear the weights in case it places stress on his ankle, so he curses at you with no real heat just for the sake of cursing, âfuck you.â
you wink, âlove you too.â
wooyoung shuts his mouth and scrunches the bridge of his nose with faux displeasure, and jongho laughs at his inability to faze you. you glance down and open your notebook to mention, âon that note, though, how do we feel about going up a few hundred grams next week?â
âiâm fine with that,â yeosang says at the same time jongho confirms, âsounds good.â most of the other boys also nod that they are fine with increasing their weights, save for seonghwa who notifies you that he is still adjusting so he will keep his as it is for now.
you jot down ticks and crosses next to their names corresponding to their answers whilst suggesting, âyunho and mingi, you can both probably try half a kilogram since your body masses are higher.â
said boys peer over your shoulder to see what their new weights would be, then yunho makes a noise of intriguement. âcoach, did you write these?â
you look to where his finger is pointing toâsticky notes upon sticky notes of unorganised observations and reminders to yourself. starting to feel self-conscious, you deny, â...no,â only for yunho to swipe the notebook from out of your grasp. âhey!â
he holds it up and open above him, voice gleeful as he reads one out, ââjongho, wooyoung and yeosang prefer water at room temperature when trainingâtake bottles out of cooler!ââ
âaw, coach,â wooyoung coos, âdid you deliberately leave three bottles in room temperature for us on the bench?â
feeling your ears heat up from being exposed, you swipe at the notebook. your skates give you added height, but so do yunhoâs skates, so your attempts to jump for it are futile.
ââboys want to eat abura soba after their winâ,â he continues to read, pausing to let out a dramatic gasp, âare you going to treat us, coach?â his question is met with enthusiasm.
when another wild swipe sends a sharp sting down your shoulder from the movement, reminding you of the pain that had flared up a few days ago, you decide to change tactics. you grab the back and front of his jersey with your hands, completely ready to commit to scaling him like a literal tree. but then a different set of hands easily takes the notebook out of yunhoâs and of course it would be mingi. you insult, âgive it back, you tall buffoon!â
mingi is hardly fazed as you switch targets to him, your fingertips nowhere near reaching the notebook as he snickers and reads, ââtrial jongho as starting forwardâwait.â he lowers his hands with sobriety and you are finally able to snatch the notebook back, shutting it before they can read any more of your sticky notes. it is not like there is anything they cannot know, but it is sort of embarrassing for them to see how much attention you pay to them.
âyou want jongho on the starting lineup?â mingi confirms that he has not read it wrong, eyes as wide as all the other boys as they look at you.
jongho is almost certain that you must have meant somebody else, or something else, because there is no way that he would be given the opportunity to start for the teamânot when they have yeosang and wooyoung as their wings, and the choice of hongjoong or seonghwa as their centres. he is used to being the player who momentarily relieves others of their shift on the ice, or as his parents so like to remind him, option b.
âwhy do you all look so surprised?â you frown. beckoning at jongho with your chin, you ask, âyouâve been practising hard to make your right hand just as good as your left hand, havenât you? so letâs take advantage of your versatility and unpredictability on ice and throw the opponents off. what do you think?â
jonghoâs mouth opens and shuts, struggling to formulate an answer through his wide beam other than, âiâof course, if youâd let meâif everyone else is happy.â
the pleased smile on hongjoongâs face is enough to make his cheeks sore and he wraps his arm around the youngestâs shoulders. he praises, âlook at you, our wild card and our hidden ace,â as seonghwa declares, âi know heâll do us so proud.â
both yeosang and wooyoung simultaneously offer their positions in the starting lineup and the rest of the boys watch on with fond expressions. they are grateful that you have recognised the talents and hard work of their youngest. although you are not aware, this opportunity holds significance not just in regards to his career.
you conclude, âweâve been on a good streak with our games. letâs ride the momentum and show the other teams what jongho is capable ofâwhat weâre all capable of.â
âyes, coach!â they shout, the loud echo of their voices reverberating and filling the rink with buzzing energy for the remainder of the training session.
spirits still high by the time you call it a wrap, you let them change as you grab your own belongings. there is a team meeting in the afternoon so you and the boys will be going back to kq to eat at the cafeteria and use the booked room. you pause when you see wooyoung loitering by your bag. he still has not changed out of his practice clothes.
âiâm not letting you on the bus if youâre planning on staying in those clothes,â you joke.
âiâm going to change!â he scowls indignantly, then avoids eye contact as he thrusts something out in your direction. he mumbles, âhad some spares. didnât want them. just dumping them with you so you can stash them or use them or whatever, i donât care.â
you grab the small bag, brows creased with confusion, but wooyoung dashes away to change before you can ask what it is. you peer inside and to your pleasant surprise, there are two packs of pain relief patches. your shoulder protests at the lack of attention you have given it in the last few days. the pain is chronic and never really goes away, but it has been bothering you more than usual recently, so it is all in good timing that you now have some patches.
you make a mental note to stick one on when you get to the company and grab your bag after ensuring your notebook is stored inside. as you head towards the change rooms to wait for the boys, you spot a piece of paper on the floor. it looks like rubbish that you must have missed on your way in earlier so you pick it up to throw away. but when your fingertips touch the familiar sheen of the wax-like paper, you realise wooyoung must have dropped it.
it is confirmed when you unfold it to read the text and see that it is from yesterday evening, at the pharmacy that is just across the street from the company; in your hands you hold wooyoungâs receipt for two packs of pain relief patches.
spring marks the start of the playoffs. in synchronisation with the burst of life that blooms with the season, your boys, too, flourish in the league.
the unpredictability of your teamâs strategies that entail a mix of both yours and hongjoongâs prowess helps to secure wins over the remainder of the regular season. despite the unsteady start to the season, it allows your team to scrape into the round of sixteen near the bottom of the standings.
the red devils are seeded against the team that is third in the rankings, and then against the sixth-standing team in the quarterfinals. in upsets that knock out two of the most anticipated teams in the league, your boys advance into the semifinals, their reputation as the demons of the ice rink that had laid low now rapidly spreading.
where none of the other competitors had paid you and your players any mind before, barely even noticing your presence, the opponents now glance and watch your team walk past with an air of confidence through the arena. their tense jaws and hard gazes size up your athletesâformidable rivals who have suddenly barrelled up the ranks from out of nowhere and now pose perhaps the biggest threat as a team that has somehow slipped under their radars.
you know; your team may be small in numbers. but with yunho and mingi flanking the sides of the boys, and even with hongjoongâs charismatic aura alone leading the front, which extends around him like a dark cloud of terror and envelops the rest of the group too, your team is a pack of predators at the tip of the apex.
other players part to make a path for your boys, whose heads are held high and eyes are set only on their captain and you, their coach, as you all walk to your assigned changeroom. the nerves have long dissipated because the ice rink is your territory and the other teams are your prey.
the moment you shut the door behind the last of them into the room though, the icy stare in wooyoungâs eyes melt and he exclaims, âholy shit, did you see the way everybody was looking at us? we must have looked so fucking hot, i wish i could ask for my own signature.â
from their glowing faces alone, you can tell that they are all basking in the feeling of finally being recognised and reckoned with. yunho bats his eyelids and pinches his voice higher into a falsetto, âoh wooyoung! youâre so handsome and cool, could i please have your signature?â
mingi imitates him and pounces on wooyoung, begging for a photo together as he clings onto his elbow. it sets off the rest of the boys to crowd around like mock fans with faux exhilaration. you snort at their antics, leaving wooyoung to sign imaginary sheets of paper with his imaginary pen in favour of ensuring all of their backup equipment and gear is correctly located outside or in the storage area.
you allow the boys adequate time to change into their full gear for their warm-up prior to the actual semifinal game before you walk back into the locker room. your ears perk up when you catch the end of sanâs question, âthatâs good for us, isnât it?â
âwhat is?â you ask out of curiosity, flipping open the provided cooler and adding several sports drinks into the ice.
âi overheard someone on the white tigers team say that their head coach happened to fall sick, so they have their assistant coach today,â jongho mentions.
the surge of brazen smiles and reassured glints in their eyes at the reveal of information makes you falter to a degree. you lightly chastise, âdonât let that get to your heads and start being cockyâplay as you usually do and do not underestimate them just because their head coach is off.â
you pull your notebook out of your bag, the familiar cover and weight of the book providing you with a sense of security as you remind the boys, âthe white tigers have a very similar playing style as us. we may have worked hard on our defensive strategies, but with similar strengths and weaknesses overall, it wonât hurt for us to still be cautious.â
âyes, coach,â they chorus.
hongjoong nods, âletâs go warm up, then finalise our starting lineup for the game.â
your teamâs allocated time on the rink passes by quickly and it is followed by the last adjustments to the discussed strategies and game plan, thorough checks of their gear, and the remaining boys who are still wearing their practice jerseys change out of the blue into their red game uniform. in full gear, there your boys stand, presence intimidating and demoniac. the boys do not live up to their team name; their team name lives up to them.
they stride through the hallway for their semifinal game against the white tigers. right at the end before it leads to the ice rink, yunho yells, âpep talk, captain!â
hongjoong groans, rolling his eyes, but places the blade of his stick onto the rubber flooring nonetheless. the rest of the boys huddle around, their sticks meeting in the centre of the circle and standing close together so that their helmets and shoulders knock against one another. you are also swept into the circle with yeosang and san by your sides.
âboysâŚand girl,â hongjoong snickers to himself before recollecting his very inspirational train of thought, âweâve fought hard to make it this farâthis is the first time weâve made it into the semis, so letâs keep running until the very end, yeah?â
to the teamâs increasingly loud cheers, hongjoong yells, âletâs fuck it up out there!â
their sticks hit the ground in unison and despite the muted sound of the cushioned flooring, their shouts of fighting resolve and unwavering determination drown out everything else. together, you emerge from the hallway and your starting players take their positions on the ice, ready to fuck it up.
only, it happens literally.
the moment the puck hits the ice and the white tigersâ centre forward, byun, wrestles it away with his blade, hongjoong immediately knows it is going to be one of those games. the ones where his competitive grit is fueling his mind ablaze but his body is leaden-footed as if he is wading through quicksand; where his body is just unable to keep up and move the way he wants it to. it is one of those days where his condition is just inexplicably off and there is nothing he can do about it except hope that his years of training and sheer aptitude for the sport will be enough.
âfuck,â you curse under your breath at hongjoongâs slip as jongho and yeosang rush to fall back and support those in defence. âhe wasnât like that during the warm-ups.â
byun is not only agile and swift, but is almost an identical reflection of hongjoongâs own bold and assertive offence. the centre forward powers through with evasive turns around yunhoâs attempt to body check him, unafraid and confident. passing the blue line into your teamâs defensive zone, byun flicks the puck at the goal.
the point shot is an unexceptional attempt to score, nothing that sanâs reflexive goaltending cannot take care of. he extends his left foot and blocks the low shot with his leg pad, where the puck then slides in yunhoâs direction. you did not doubt for a moment that san would not be able to save the shot, but it is still a close call that is far too early in the game to be a good sign.
your teamâs greatest strength is their unspoken synergy and seamless unity, but it is also their greatest weakness. when one player stumbles, particularly when it is their captainâthe very roots of the teamâtheir bond runs so deeply that it throws their teamwork out of harmony and ultimately impacts the entire team.
with sanâs save, yunho regains possession and handles the puck around the back of their net to shake off the pressure that the white tigersâ forwards are placing on him, as well as to buy his own team some time to reassemble in their formation.
you know that this is not going to work for long; you have to change the momentum of the game, and fast. âseonghwa, get ready,â you alert. âyouâre going on for hongjoong.â
the alternate captain stands, alarmed at the unexpected line change so early into the game. he grips his stick with white knuckles and watches his team as he waits for your cue. yunho hits the puck against the boards where yeosang successfully receives the rebound.
âbreakout!â yeosang yells and rushes forward with the chasing skates of the opponents nipping at his heels. jongho clears the centre line into the offensive zone at the same time hongjoong screens and blocks the view of the white tigersâ goaltender, setting up for an opportunity to score.
when the opponentâs left defence and wing advance on yeosang rapidly, he fakes a deceptive pass towards the boards before twisting the blade of his stick and flicking the puck between their skates instead in hongjoongâs direction. but like an eagle honing in on a small rodent, byun swoops in to snatch the puck, flipping the possession again.
the tides turn and all the athletes on the rink race towards your teamâs net, a cutthroat competition between triumph and desperation to chase the puck. byun passes to the player on his left as they both dash closer, the left forward immediately returning the puck the moment he receives it to break past mingiâs defence.
you are able to see the white tigersâ right wing following closely behind ready for a drop pass, but in your teamâs frenzied minds, they are unable to read the play. yunho approaches byun, who is expecting the defence and leaves the puck behind whilst skating on, knowing that it will be received by his trailing teammate. with the momentary confusion that is enough to disrupt both yunho and sanâs gaze on the puck, the opponentâs right wing winds his stick back just enough to build power without sacrificing speed, then slaps the puck into the corner of the goalâ
âand scores. within the first three minutes of the game.
âseonghwa,â you call out again with urgency as the whistle blows. you turn to look at him, âyouâre up. you have to break the flow of the team. not just the white tigers, but ours tooâthe boys are panicking and you need to help anchor them.â
he nods, steadying his hand on the board in preparation to hop over it, and you yell out for the captain, âchange!â
hongjoong sees the gesture of your hand pointing at the bench, and although his chest tightens with frustration at himself, he speeds towards the edge of the rink to change. once the captain is close enough, seonghwa pushes his skate off the benches to launch himself over the top of the boards onto the ice then propels himself forward to take the centre faceoff.
the captain sits down heavily on the bench, defeat already broiling off of his slumped body in smothering swells. you really cannot afford to take your eyes off the game; it waits for nobody and the whistle has already blown, the rink erupting into commotion. but whilst you need to watch the game unfold, you need hongjoong just as much, and his team needs him.
you turn him slightly to face you so that he can see your face of resolution. âyou are the captain, so be the captainâfor the teamâŚand for yourself,â you invigorate, voice raised so that he can hear you over the noise of the stadium.Â
you give his shoulder a hard squeeze, certain he will not be able to even feel it from under the pads of his uniform. regardless, he understands your intentions and nods grimly, the fog in his eyes clearing. wooyoung taps the back of his helmet in a show of encouragement and hongjoong returns the gesture with appreciation.Â
a particularly loud thump draws the attention of all three of you back to the game. from the grimace on yeosangâs face and his hand steadying himself on the boards, it is obvious he has just been body checked into the wall. seonghwa pursues the puck with graceful yet powerful speed before he digs both skates perpendicular into the ice to suddenly change direction. pushing off, he accelerates back towards the white tigersâ defensive zone when mingi manages to disrupt the opponentâs stickhandling enough for yunho to sweep the puck and skate it up the perimeter of the rink away from their net.
wooyoung also goes on for yeosang but as the left wing, so jongho switches position to play as the right forward. he skates past the benches when an opportunity arises and he hands off his stick whilst grabbing his right-handed stick from you with practised ease.
with the line change of forwards and with seonghwa on as your centre, your team stabilises to an extent. the red devils are no longer being pushed back but they are also unable to push forward. the game is at a stalemate, although the tides remain in favour of the white tigers with both their positional and psychological advantage of the first goal.
you can see the pressure weighing down on your boys; passes that yunho and mingi would be capable of executing blindfolded are miscalculated; predictable manoeuvres still mislead wooyoung in the wrong direction; seonghwa and jongho fail to notice the opportunities for clear passing and shooting lanes; and the openings appear far too wide and innumerable for san to cover the goal from. the relentless offensive pressure that the white tigers places on your team, strikingly similar to how the boys played when you first started coaching them, does not give any breathing room either.
so that is how the first period comes to an endâlosing zero to one with none of your players performing at their best condition. their steps are heavy and burdened as they walk back to the locker room for the intermission, helmets removed the moment they come off the ice to reveal hardened expressions. in the privacy of your assigned room, most of the boys adjust the pads in their gear and yunho peels off his shin guards to let them air out.
you pass around their iced bottles and as exhausted as they are, they make sure to voice their gratitude. san grabs wooyoungâs bottle for him, since the younger is bent over loosening the laces of his left skate. âhere,â san murmurs, twisting open the cap and passing it to wooyoung once he straightens his back.
similarly, seonghwa hands over an opened bottle to yeosang before taking a swig of his own. âyouâre okay?â he checks, the particularly rough body check that yeosang had copped earlier in the game still at the forefront of his mind.
yeosang gives the alternate captain a reassuring smile, âiâm okay.â
appeased by the answer, seonghwa turns to look at hongjoong, who is re-taping the blade of his stick. âwhat about you?â seonghwa softly asks, âyouâre feeling okay?â
hongjoong glances up briefly at the back of your figure. you are busy shifting the red magnets around on the whiteboard and erasing the markings you had made prior to the start of the semifinals. when you turn around to gather their attention, you accidentally make eye contact with him and break out into a small smile.
âyeah,â hongjoong replies, âiâm feeling okay.â
âalright, listen up boys, that was just the first period. weâre not even halfway into this game and weâve started to even up the playing field now that weâve found our footing,â you encourage. âwe just have to make sure we keep our heads cool and read their plays instead of simply reacting to their movements.â
you look at each of them as you direct, âtheir centre forward, byun, has been on for almost all of first period, so thereâs probably going to be a shift change, if not a complete line change of forwards. they have the leniency to swap out their top players since theyâre in the lead, which means if we want to break their momentum, we need to break it then.â
shifting yourself slightly out of the way, the boys are able to see the new arrangement of positions you have marked out on the whiteboard. âweâre starting the second period by sharpening our offence in the 2-2-1 formation,â you explain. you beckon your head at the captain, âhongjoong, youâre back on. you and wooyoung are to position yourselves up high between the neutral and offensive zonesâtry to screen their goaltender when our boys have possession. yunho, i want you to move up to our blue line with jongho and open up as many passing lanes as you two can. mingi will stay in defence and help cover the goal with san in case the white tigers makes a counterattack.
âuse this opportunity to make as many scoring chances as you can. if there isnât a clear shot but thereâs a chance it can be continued on by another one of us, then go for it anywayâany sort of pressure we can put on their team is better than none.â
your forwards nod with understanding, so you continue to the most important point, âbut the moment byun and the wingsâkim and song, i think they areâcome back on, weâre reversing the formation.â you reposition half of the magnets into a 1-2-2 formation. âonly hongjoong will stay up high; wooyoung will fall back and join jongho in the neutral zone; put pressure on their forwards from there. yunho and mingi, youâll play left and right defence as usual.â
san listens intently when you start moving the black magnets that represent the opposing players and call out to him directly. you warn, âsan, be careful of their drop passes. kim and song have been skating forward but leaving the puck behind for byun to score multiple times throughout the first period. they have you primed to predict it now, so theyâre probably going to change their tactic and pass directly in front of the goal instead.â
âyes, coach,â san acknowledges.
a glance at the screen on the wall of the locker room tells you that there are only a few minutes left of the intermission. âgear up and get ready to go back on,â you instruct the boys.
they make final adjustments to their pads and yunho tapes his shin guards back into place under his socks. you make sure they all have their helmets and sticks when they start to file out of the locker room once they are ready and you grab wooyoungâs gloves for him while he ties the laces of his skates again.
âthanks,â he reaches out for them as he stands up. except he stumbles slightly when he puts weight on his left ankle and your hand instinctively grabs his to steady him.
your eyes grow wide with concern. you know that wooyoung is the type to keep quiet about his pain, even if you ask, âdoes your ankle hurt?â
âno, my legs just fell asleep on me from sitting,â he reassures, conscious of your hand that still holds his. he smiles through his lie and hopes that you are unable to pick up on it. the buzzer sounds before you can, though, warning you both that there is only one minute remaining until the game resumes.
hurriedly you tell him, âlet me know if you need to come off.â
somebody yells out your names, forcing you both to rush off to join the rest of the team in the hallway. wooyoung knows that he should admit to you right there and then that his ankle does hurt, but he will notâhe cannotâŚbecause he owes it to his team.
they do not know and they will never know, but there is not a day that goes past where wooyoung does not feel guilty for having desired for their loss last year. he has to play and win this championship for his team because only then can he start to forgive himself. but until he wins, he deserves to suffer.
those in the lineup rapidly glide across the ice to take their positions, wooyoung included. a short buzzer sounds, the puck is dropped, and the second period starts. immediately you can see that your boys have the advantage. the white tigers had not expected you to take such an aggressive approach of offence considering that you are losing.
and sure enough, just as you had predicted, their coach has changed their entire line of forwards. the players are still undeniably skilled, but they visibly struggle to match the pace at which hongjoong and wooyoung are now leading your team to attack.
the rink is under the boysâ control; the neutral zone has become a stronghold with the resistance of both jongho and yunhoâs combined strength and mingiâs reinforcement from behind. wooyoung weaves through the players with polished agility as he creates passing opportunities around the offensive zone, whilst hongjoong makes his own path with imposing might, his devilish wings spread. and even if the white tigers somehow manage to gain possession of the puck and break past your defence, san looks impossibly larger than the goal itself, leaving no openings for their forwards to score.
it is well into the second period when the perfect play sets itself up. with mingi blocking any possible rebounds off the boards, yunhoâs attempt to body check the white tigersâ right wing forces the player to pass the puck across the ice. before their centre forward is able to receive it, jongho has already intercepted and is thundering ahead with his stick controlling the puck.
âhigh!â he shouts, ploughing through the neutral zone as wooyoung and hongjoong immediately respond to his call and skate up towards the goal.
jongho deliberately looks at his captain but flicks the puck with a forehand pass in the other direction, too fast for the defenders to react to. wooyoung easily receives the anticipated pass, thighs burning and his left ankle stinging as he rushes towards the goal from the left with powerful acceleration. the white tigersâ goaltender immediately lowers his stance and raises his arms in preparation to block his shot.
in the corner of his eye, wooyoung sees hongjoong matching his lightning pace on his right, the captainâs eyes narrowed with concentration and body weight tilted forward as he hurtles past the defenders. wooyoung pretends to wind up his stick for a slap shot into the net, only to twist the angle of his arms at the last second to send the puck skittering across the ice directly parallel to the goal. the goaltender drops down to his knees, having anticipated a scoring attempt, except the puck is now nearing hongjoong.
hongjoong sees it clearlyâthe trajectory that the puck is taking and the perfect point where it needs to meet his stick. without breaking its momentum, his arms contract to swing his stick and the blade collides with the puck with forceful precision, sending it hurtling through the air. the goaltender desperately scrabbles back onto his skates to defend the other side of the goal, but it is too late.
the puck flies past the posts and hits the netting.
the horn blares and echoing cheers erupt throughout the stadium as the lights flick on to shine across the net and your forward players. hongjoong yells with fierce triumph, stick raised into the air as wooyoung excitedly collides into him. the duo disappear amongst the bodies of your boys as they swarm around them feverish exuberance.
âthatâs our fucking captainââ ââwooâs assist was insane!â
hongjoong cannot even tell who is who as he is jostled around in overjoyed laughter and beaming smiles, numerous hands reaching out to tap his and wooyoungâs helmets and shoulders. from outside the rink, you, seonghwa and yeosang have long stopped sitting on the benches, bodies too strung tight with hopeful tension to stay seated, so you are immediately swept up into a hug as the three of you celebrate the goal with identical exhilaration.
the game is still far from over but the morale has just skyrocketed through the roof as if the red devils have scored the winning goal. combined with the teamâs fans electrifying the atmosphere of the stadium, it definitely feels like it, and you are starting to see hope that the ones advancing to the finals after today will be your boys.
âline change!â you faintly hear, so you still to watch all three of the white tigersâ forwards skate towards the boards. byun, kim and song jump onto the rink, back on offence in the wake of your goal.
hongjoong makes eye contact with you when you search for him amongst the team huddle and in unison, you both nod, pride and determination unspoken in your gazesâthe real game is about to start now. the boys start to disperse and take up their positions around the marked circle for the centre faceoff, and hongjoong and byun meet head-to-head once again in the middle of the rink.
the white tigersâ centre forward smirks condescendingly, âcute goal.â
hongjoongâs face thunders over but he will not let himself resort to dirty sportsmanship. he bites his tongue and lowers his stance, focusing his attention on the game instead.
âready,â the referee signals, then the puck is released.
byun manages to steal it and sends it backwards to his defensemen to open up more passing lanes, but as discussed, your boys mutually move into the 1-2-2 formation to fortify against their offensive plays. despite the pressure of the white tigersâ top forwards back in play, your team is riding on the momentum of your goal; although you had been treading to keep your heads above the water during the first period, there is now an air of confidence that permeates the ambience of the rink in favour of your boys.Â
an angled pass from their defence rebounds off the boards and kim receives it high in the neutral zone. he attempts an immediate pass across the ice to song, except the safety net of your playerâs defensive formation allows mingi to thrust out with his stick to intercept the pass. he signals, âbreakout!â before deflecting it to wooyoung.
the turnover of possession immediately triggers a switch in defence to offence as wooyoung handles the puck back the other way. his wrists twist the stick with measured coordination, controlling the blade and puck as an extension of his own hands while approaching the offensive zone. wooyoung sees the white tigersâ defensemen racing towards him so he abruptly pivots towards the left to drag the black disc around their extended sticks.
suddenly, a sharp pain engulfs his ankle that has his legs crumbling as he staggers off balance. wooyoung manages to stay upright, using his stick to steady himself, but the momentary stumble is more than enough of an opening for byun to steal possession from behind him.
the rival centre forward swerves around jongho then stays close to the perimeter to avoid mingiâs resistant defence. behind mingi, san splays his legs out as he prepares to block the left side of the goal, but byun continues blazing on and wraps around the back of the net. san follows his movement and swiftly shifts over to the right instead while byun cradles the puck with his blade to lift it into the air the moment he approaches.
yunho cannot risk a penalty by raising his own stick to block its trajectory, so he shifts his body in hopes of deflecting the shot before it reaches san. but byunâs wrists snap and tuck the airborne puck at a sharp angle right past the red goalpostâŚand the horn blows to mark the scoring of a goal.
your jaw plummets at the same time that your heart does. not even your lungs work, your body frozen stock-still. once more, the white tigers are back in the lead only mere minutes after the score had been painstakingly tied by your team.
âfuck!â wooyoung curses and slams his gloved fist against the ice, having dropped to his knees in enraged denial.
seonghwa looks on with despondence from beside you as hongjoong drags wooyoung back up to his feet. the captainâs jaws are clenched in frustration but only because of the score itselfânever because of his boys. when mingi and yunho try to comfort san with firm squeezes and uttered reassurances, he can only return a tight smile, all three of their breaths heavy and irregular from exertion and dismay.
for the boys to have climbed so arduously and persistently to even the scores, only to be knocked off and their momentum obliterated so mercilessly soon, it is even more demoralising than the white tigersâ first goal. after all, the higher the climb, the harder the fall.
through the deep ache in your heart, you mutedly say to yeosang, âgo on for wooyoung, and tell jongho to change sticks and play as left wing.â
âyes, coach,â he replies, voice delicate. yeosang waits as you gesture for wooyoung to come off before he hops over the boards and skates in jonghoâs direction.
âwoo,â you murmur as your left wing makes his way back to the benches, but he avoids your gaze and keeps his head down. you bite your lips and decide not to push it for now. instead, you press an opened bottle into his gloved hand.
wooyoung is thankful that the bottle is half empty, because his hand unconsciously clenches around it with quivering shame and he would have spilled the water were it full. he makes no move to bring the bottle up to his lips; he doubts the water would go down his constricted throat anyway. the penetrative guilt of his tears hurts immeasurably more than the piercing throb of his ankle because he may have just cost his team the winâŚagain.
even when the buzzer signals the end of the second period, wooyoung dares not to look up. the score is one to two and it is his fault. the intermission passes by in a haze of dissociation, his body robotically moving on autopilot into the locker room and back to the ice rink. wooyoung does not even know whether there are line changes to the positions or whether the game strategy has been altered.
but it does not matter because it does not concern himâas if any coach would put him on after his grave mistake. what wooyoung fails to notice though is the glances of worry in his direction, and they do not come solely from his boys.
the stakes run at their highest in the third and final period. tension suffocates the entire stadium, invisible hands that snake around your throats with a hangmanâs loose and make you break out into cold sweats. all the players on the ice rink put everything that they have on the line because by the end of the next twenty minutes, only one team will be advancing to the finals.
from the moment the puck is dropped into play and the timer resumes, the rink is a torrential battlefield of contesting skates and grappling sticks. dramatic passes and unforeseen interceptions lead to rapid turnovers that force both teams to hastily switch back and forth between offence and defence.
but everyone learns of the juxtapositions of the world early on in life. there is no light without dark, there is no happiness without sadness, there is no spring without autumnâŚand there is no victory without defeat. for every scoring attempt that the red devils make, the white tigers make three, steadily and gradually pushing your boys back in the final stretch of the game. and while most of your forwardsâ goals are blocked in the nick of time, most of theirs are not.
as a last resort in the face of the crisis, you calculate the risks then add seonghwa onto the field. âyunho, change!â you yell, pulling him off defence.
âbehind you,â byun alerts song as seonghwa powers across the ice right into the cutthroat action, before cursing when the white tigers nearly lose possession of the puck.
your two captains unrelentingly pursue the black disc at the forefront of your team, their complementary synergy and unity a whirlwind of prowess to be reckoned with as they try not to let the burden of scoring weigh them down. despite the overwhelming pressure as the teamâs last line of defence, even more so now that you have sacrificed stability to capitalise on having two centre forwards, sanâs cat-like eyes do not cloud over, only intensely scanning the field and the opponentâs plays.
you glance at the clock. there are only two minutes left and even the combined efforts of your forwards is not working. you never thought that you would ever have to do this as a coach, but now you are afraid there is no choice. âyunho,â you urge.
his head turns to you and you see the ashen pallor of your own face reflected on his as the very probable outcome of the game dawns across your minds. you make your decision. âyouâre going back on. for san.â
yunhoâs eyes widen. âfor san? i canât play as goaltenderââ
âno,â you shake your head, âweâre playing without a goaltender.â
sixty seconds.
save for wooyoung, all of your defenders, wings and centre forwards make a last-minute spurt to attack, not letting their bodies recover for even a split second as they strain their burning legs and gasping lungs.
thirty seconds.
they desperately break past the physical boundaries of their own stamina into their last reserves of pure grit and will, draining every last drop that their mental resilience has to offer.
ten seconds.
they do not give up. they try again and again to score. but against all of your prayers, all of your tears and sweat and against all of your hopes, the gap does not close. the final buzzer blares throughout the entire stadium, marking the red devilâs loss.
two to six.
your players stand motionless, ghosts of denial and despair amongst the crazed jumps and bounds of celebration as the white tigers flock across the rink towards one another. hongjoong tilts his head upwards to stop the rush of tears from falling down his face, both yunho and seonghwa mirrors of his pain as sweat and tears drip down in salty trails. san grasps the edge of the board in front of him, his head hung low and shoulders quaking from how hard he tries to stifle his sobs so that wooyoung does not hear him.
not one of your boys are able to accept the results of the match. not even you can bring yourself to utter a single word of consolation, be it for yourself or for them. and as you watch the wretched image of your heartbroken boys, choking back tears of your own that you are unaware still manage to escape the corners of your eyes, the only sounds in your ears their stricken cries, you are reminded that the path of an athlete and coach is nothing like its portrayal in movies and stories; where hard work triumphs and leads to sure success.
the harsh reality is that there is no dramatic comeback. there is no underdog victory. there is no miracle and there is no final to advance to. you and your boys lose by triple the amount of your own goals and just like that, the journey has come to an end at the semifinals.
it is an anticlimactic defeat, the gap so far that your team could not even see the light at the end of the tunnel. and somehowâŚthat feels far worse than losing by just a marginal difference.
the locker room is mostly quiet, the silence punctuated only by the closing of zippers and rustling of canvas as the boys who have finished showering and changing pack the rest of their gear for the final time. there are no more intermittent sniffles, leaving behind a miserable hush of emptiness instead. even the dying flicker of the light in the far corner of the ceiling thrums with more energy than the boys combined.
you sit on one of the benches and absentmindedly thumb through your notebook. seonghwa sits to your right, his kit bag already long organised and tidied to preoccupy his mind. the warmth from the close proximity of your thighs and elbows is a gracious comfort to the both of you. it no longer makes your backs straighten with uptightness, conscious of the boundaries between coach and athleteânot after your hearts and bodies melded together in hugs of solace after the final buzzer of the semifinals and melted away those lines.
seonghwa places his hand soothingly on your knee and murmurs, âstop looking at that. weâll think about it later all together.â
none of the words or diagrams had been registering in your head, but you nod and close your notebook anyway. he probably does not want to see it either. you rest your head back against the wall behind you with a small exhale, blankly watching your team instead until your eyes travel around the room.Â
you count, then count again, before calling out, âcaptain, is wooyoung still showering?â
hongjoong cranes his neck around at the same time that everybody else does as well. âdonât think so,â he frowns, âiâm pretty sure he was one of the first ones out.â
wooyoungâs kit bag is still unpacked in his locker, so he is definitely not already waiting for the bus outside. before his absence can raise any alarmsâthe last thing the boys need on their plate right nowâyou stand and announce, âiâll go find him. he probably just lost track of time.â
âdo you need me to come with you?â yeosang rises to his feet.
you shake your head and reassure, âkeep packing your bag.â then you turn to make your way out of the locker room when somebody calls out for you.
âcoach, wait.â
itâs san, who skitters in front of you to press something into your hands. âgive this to him when you see him?â
the item crinkles and a glance downwards reveals that it is an instant ice pack. you smile softly, stuffing it into the pocket of your jacket and hoping that nobody notices the ice pack that is already in there. âof course,â you gently touch his forearm. âiâll be back.â
this time you make it out to the corridor but you do not get further than four steps before another voice stops you.
âcoach!â
when you turn around, hongjoong emerges from the doorway. he slows down as he catches up to stand in front of you. âiâŚâ his voice falters. âiâm sorry.â
iâm sorry i didnât realise wooyoung was gone. iâm sorry i didnât do my job as captainâŚand iâm sorry for losing.Â
âno,â you shake your head. âdonât be.â because you tried your bestâŚand you did not give up. beckoning in the direction of the locker room, you tell him, âtake care of the boys, okay? iâll be back with wooyoung.â
the rigidity in hongjoongâs shoulders dissipates. âthank youâŚy/n.â
you smile, âanytime, hongjoong.â you wait for him to walk back inside before you finally turn to find wooyoung.
the arena is massive but apart from the locker roomâwhich you already know wooyoung is not inâthere are limited places that offer privacy from the multitude of people who mill around, be it other athletes, staff or spectators. you know from personal experience, so you head to the one place that is usually guaranteed to be somewhat out of the public eye.
âoh, fuck me,â wooyoung startles when you sit yourself down heavily on the same step as him, his curse echoing around the both of you. âhow the fuck did you know i would be here?â
you snort, bumping his shoulder with yours. âi hate to burst your bubble, but this isnât exactly an original experience. iâm pretty sure every athlete has hidden here to cry at one point in their career.â
the slight spark of light that had ignited within wooyoung at your appearance suddenly flickers out, reminded of why exactly he is hiding in the emergency stairwell in the first place. shame tears his eyes away from you, unable to meet your gaze any longer.
âi want to be left alone,â he murmurs.
although you respect his request, that is the opposite of what he needs. left to his own thoughts and devices, you know that wooyoung will spiral dangerously in guilt and self-reproach, even if the red devilâs loss is not his faultâis not anybodyâs fault.
the two of you sit in silence, wooyoung intermittently swiping at a lone tear that threatens to drip off his chin, and you mulling over the words that you hold close to your heart. eventually, you break the quietude with a soft chuckle.
âthe first game i ever played i was actually on left defence. our team was losing by two goals and i suddenly had the puck. i still remember seeing an opening in the goal and feeling the surge of confidence that i did when i hit the puckâŚbut you know what?â
wooyoung does not answer, does not look up from where he is picking at his cuticles, but you can feel his curiosity so you continue, âit was an own goal. i scored into my own teamâs net and it wasnât until i scored another goal before i finally realised which way i was meant to go. obviously, my team wasnât very happy with me, but then i ended up winning the game for them anyway and thatâs how i started playing as centre forward.
âthere was also a time during internationals where i argued against the refâs call and got myself put into the penalty box. it cost our team a goalâthe tiebreaker, too. i learnt my lesson and never did that again. and then there was the first couple of years i started to coached. i thought i had enough experience as a player to be a perfect coach. it wasnât until one of my teams told me to pull my head out of my ass that i realised i was anything but.â
that gets a small snicker from out of him. you deliberate, âiâd like to think that we make the best team now, though.â
he scowls disgruntledly, âweâre your only team.â
âand my favourite team, too,â you laugh softly, gauging his expression. âmy point is, wooyoung, we all make mistakes. but the reason why we make them in the first place is because we love playing. we do what our heart wants to in the moment and we play for ourselves because otherwise, there would be nothing left of us without ice hockey. what matters is that we stand up again and learn from the experience.â
wooyoung feels the weight of your words settling heavily in his chest because they are only half true to him. his passion and love for the sport indeed burns eternally as a blazing inferno inside of him, but his persistence to play today was due to ulterior motives. to acknowledge that aloud is a different story, though.
your voice takes on a lighter tone, âalthough i guess in this case, you should be sitting down with that ankle of yours. you know you should not be gambling with your injuries.â
he finally looks at you; a former athlete who did not even have the luxury to gamble your injury. it suddenly scares him to imagine just an ounce of the conflicting anguish that must course through you at his continuous decisions to endanger his own careerâthe anguish that you have made sure to never show, lest it affect them.
âdo you ever feel angry?â wooyoung abruptly asks, voice laced with hesitation.
it is your turn to look away. you know that the question is not directed at himself but your entire career. with a bittersweet chuckle, you allow yourself to admit, âevery day. i still get angry and i still get upset. i wake up in the morning wondering why it had to be me and i go to bed at night wondering why i didnât deserve a second chance.
âbut iâm okay; it gets easier to be okay. coaching means that i still get to go on the ice, i still get to experience the adrenaline of games and i still get to play through you guys. and most of allâŚi still have a team. i donât know if i will ever stop feeling angry, but itâs better than it used to be.â
at your admission, wooyoung is reminded of how you are possibly the only one who would be able to truly understand him. he musters his courage and confesses, âi wanted us to lose last yearâŚand we did end up losing.â
it catches you off guard, the direction of the conversation not what you had expected, but you neutralise your expression and tone so as to not make him feel defensive. âhow come?â
he swallows. âmy ankleâi fractured it last year just before we made it into the playoffs, so i wasnât able to compete. i had been so angry at first; angry at myself for getting injured, angry at my coach for not letting me play, angry at my team because they could play. then when it became clear that i wasnât going to be able to compete regardless of how angry i was, i became jealous, insecure andâŚafraid. jongho and i share the same position, and i mean, look at him nowâheâs able to play both left and right wing. if they had won the playoffs without me, then would the team really need me?
âthey did end up losing, just like i had wanted them to, but that made me feel so much worseâmade me realise just how terrible i am of a person. the guilt eats me alive every single day and i tell myself that i will make it up to them this time, that i will risk everything to win for themâŚâ wooyoung scoffs pathetically at himself, âonly for me to fuck things up because of my fucking ankle again.â
you get it. the slow gnawing of yourself from the endless feelings that you âshould not haveâ until you become no more than an empty husk. ever since your own injury, you have spent nights on end trying to reconcile with your emotions in your own confusing and formidable journey, but for the first time ever, you are grateful that you didâbecause you can keep wooyoung company on his.Â
you carefully voice, âi think it was okay for you to have felt the way that you did. theyâre your feelings and nobody can invalidate them nor your experience. what i came to realise was that all of those âuglyâ feelings do not make us ugly for having themâthey simply make us human. it is only a problem when those feelings end up hurting other people, but i think the person you hurt the mostâŚwas yourself, wooyoung.â
at your words, he looks at you with wide eyes, a fresh swell of wetness gathering in them. wooyoung is kind and loving to everybody, yet has never once thought about deserving that kindness and love for himself. you smile gently, trying to hide the slight quiver in your own lips as your heart clenches with a desire to be loved in his stead.
âyou know, woo, iâve watched basically all of your past games including the quarterfinals from last year. but if i were to compare it to todayâs game, it was as if two completely different teams were playing. your team was alive todayâa truly united team where every member is the driving force behind each otherâs passion for the game. i am pretty confident when i say that a huge part of it was because you were playing with themâbecause the team was finally whole again.
âyes, the trophy and the championship title is coveted but it is not what truly matters to them and neither to you. it wasnât the actual win itself that you wanted today, but being able to win for them. and if your boys were to pick between winning without you and losing with you, iâm pretty sure you know better than i do what their immediate choice would be.â
should the other boys be here right now, they would instantly berate your ears off for even suggesting the first option. the thought flickers through wooyoungâs mind too and the corners of his lips tug upwards slightly.
still, he apprehensively confirms, â...no one is angry at me?â
âno,â you reply, voice soft, ânot at all. but we are worried.â
you are reminded of the weight in the pocket of your jacket. pulling it out, you present the ice pack to wooyoung. âlook, san told me to give this to you.â
his fingertips brush against your palm when he reaches out, hand hovering over the ice pack as if he does not dare to touch it. âsan did?â he whispers.
when you nod, the final confirmation that he needs that nobodyâyou includedâharbours ill feelings for him and his actions, he allows himself to take the ice pack. allows himself to love himself.
âyou need to take care of your body,â you fondly chastise, lightening the atmosphere. âdid coach cho not drill into you that as an athlete, your body is your most valuable asset? if you thought he was bad, heâs going to seem like an angel when iâm through with you. you wonât just be banned from playing, iâll tie you to the bed to make sure you donât walk on that ankle.â
wooyoung laughs through the few tears that are left, mood lifted enough to suggestively lift his eyebrows and quip, âkinky.â his laughter grows when you punch his arm in response.
no longer does he have to carry this burden alone because you are there for him now. but you know that you are not the only one who can be there for wooyoung. the dynamic between the boys runs past mere teammates and from what you have noticed, quite possibly even friends.
tentatively, you suggest, âmaybe this is something you should tell the others about. that way you can truly let things go.â
his gaze wavers at the idea as he looks at you. yet, the miniscule smile and encouraging nod you give him fills him with tranquillity. perhaps it is time to let go, but the only way he can truly do that is if he is honest to the boys about his feelingsâif he is honest to himself.
âokay,â he breathes out softly.
you grace him with another beat of silence before you stand up, extending your hand out to him. âletâs go.â
wooyoung takes your offered hand and lets you pull him up to his feet. he does not know if it is intentional, but the slight squeeze you give him right before your hand lets go of his fills him with warmth. the feeling stays with him even when he activates the ice pack as you two walk back to the locker room.
right at the doorway where the rest of the team is behind, you stop. you place your hand on wooyoungâs back, whose brows are starting to furrow in confusion. âiâll be waiting out here. take your time,â you tell him.
âthank you, coach,â wooyoung returns your soft smile.
before you can think better of it, you reply, âi wasnât talking to you as your coachâŚbut as your friend.â then you nudge him towards the doorway with tender encouragement, waiting for him to walk through the threshold before you close the door behind him.
the first few months you had coached the red devils, mistrust had been in the shape of private conversations that deliberately excluded you. but now, trust is in the conversations that you know you do not need to be a part of. so you simply lean against the wall and wait.
and when they emerge from the locker room half an hour later, you know you have made the right decision upon seeing their eased expressions and relaxed shoulders. the air is still sombre, their defeat in the semifinals still fresh at the forefront of everybodyâs minds, but what matters now is that they will face the loss togetherâthe eight of them and you.
âhere you go.â
hongjoong hands you your bag so that you do not have to go back in to grab it. you take it graciously from him, then with him by your side, you two lead the group through the arenaâpast the gazes and whispers that follow your groupâand out to the teamâs bus.
first to load his kit bag, yeosang takes his usual seat towards the front and waits. he has long developed the habit of placing his backpack under the seat in front of him instead of beside him. as the bus starts to pull away once all the bags are properly stored, you wordlessly take the seat next to him. your knees intermittently brush up against each other with the slight sway of the bus, but neither one of you make a move to shift your legs away.
you and yeosang watch the outside world whirl by the window, just like you always do. except the flowers that have bloomed among the treesâthat had been bursts of positivity and vibrancy only just this morningâare now bittersweet reminders of the fall that you and the boys have just experienced.
a brief movement below your line of vision causes you to glance down. it is yeosangâs hand, palm upturned with a silent invitation of solace. you slide your fingers into his, an extension of the comfort you wish to give to them, and them to you.
what you and the boys do not realise, though, is that your flowers have simply bloomed elsewhere.
your jaw drops in sync with the last of the heavy suitcases that seonghwa rests on the floor outside their apartment complex. the amount of his luggage is easily equivalent to at least half the teamâs.
âthese are all yours?â you confirm.
seonghwa looks at you strangely, âof course. why?â
you look at him strangely. âare you planning on moving? why did you pack enough for a trip around the world?â
âwell somebody didnât want to tell us where we were going, so i had to make sure i was prepared for wherever our destination would be.â
âitâs called a surprise for a reason,â you shake your head, âand i did tell you to pack for cold weather, didnât i?â
seonghwa fakes offence, scoffing, âcan i remind you that it is still spring here, so my apologies for assuming that it might potentially mean we are travelling overseas.â
âyouâre such a worrywart, you old fart,â wooyoung teases, circling around the older on his rideable suitcase.
seonghwa yelps when the wheels nearly run over his toes and he threatens, ânext time you wet through your entire pack of underwear, donât come crawling and begging for my spares.â
the suitcase halts indignantly to a stop with its rider. âthat was one time,â wooyoung complains, âand it wasnât even my fault!â
âit wasnât even my fault,â seonghwa mocks. âi told you not to put your shampoo in a ziplock bag but no, you said that it would be fine.â
wooyoung sticks his index finger up. âcorrection, hongjoong said that it would be fine.â
âwhat the fuck, wooyoung,â hongjoong blanches at the sudden disclosure.
âand thatâs exactly where you are at fault,â seonghwa cocks his eyebrow at wooyoung. âwhy would you listen to him?â
âwhat the fuck, seonghwa. iâm your captain,â hongjoong scowls.
âonly during games.â
when you make eye contact with san, the two of you can only sigh with amused resignation. the rest of the boys shake their heads and proceed to load their luggage onto the bus, leaving the trio to feud it out in the background.
as mingi stacks his luggage beside yunhoâs, he turns to ask, âare you sure we donât need our kits?â
âyou all brought your skates and sticks with you?â you question in return. when mingi and yunho nod, you reassure them, âthen thatâs all you need.â
jongho pipes up from beside you, âbut what about training?â
âmental training,â you simply grin before hopping up the stairs to sit beside yeosang.
the boys gradually take their seats, even wooyoung and the two oldest despite their continued bickering. somebody yells out over the commotion, âcoach! are you going to tell us where weâre going now?â
you peer backwards over the top of your seat to find everyoneâs eager eyes on you. ânope,â you snicker, âyouâll find out when we get there. we are going on a holiday though, iâll tell you that much.â
there is a surge of excitement at your confirmation and a similar fluttering eagerness flits through you, except yours is because you cannot wait to see their reactions. you really hope that the next two weeks will help to reset the teamâs morale and give them a much-needed break.
âkq let us go on holiday?â yeosang asks with an impressed look as you settle back in your seat.
you give him a proud smirk. âiâm pretty convincing when i want to be. plus, we just had playoffs and we would all benefit from the rest. what better time to do that than at the start of the off-season?â
âthere is no better time.â
âexactly.â
and so the bus starts the four-hour drive towards what the boys will soon come to realise is a team retreat. mingi connects his phone to the bluetooth, in charge of shuffling the music that blasts through the speakers, turning the atmosphere of the bus into a lively concert once it becomes obvious that it is going to be a long trip.
you have to yell over their deafening singingâwhich you have to admit actually sounds quite impressiveânumerous times for them to sit their asses down, their enthusiasm uncontainable by the seat belts and law regulations. but they look their age, free and untroubled; just a group of boys up to their silly antics with one another, so you cannot bring yourself to truly regulate them.
the bus drives on, making a rest stop at one of the service areas along the highway so that you can stretch your legs in fresh air, use the restrooms and most importantlyâ
âfood!â
their hollers resound before the doors of the bus even open. the second that the gap is large enough to fit one of them through, most of the boys go sprinting off like a stampede of toddlers in the direction of the food court.
wooyoung stays back and slips his arm through the crook of your elbow when you step off the bus too. he grins mischievously, âiâm sticking with you so you can pay for my food.â
âoh, stop it,â yunho tugs him away, pulling even harder when it only serves to make wooyoungâs grasp tighten around your arm. âiâll pay for your food. leave her wallet alone.â
you laugh brightly as you are jostled around and you pull a card out of your back pocket, holding it up like a golden ticket. you waggle your brows playfully, âitâs on the company card.â
both wooyoung and yunho freeze. their eyes instantaneously start to glimmer, faces radiating when they slowly look at each other. then before you can react, they pounce on you, linking their arm through yours on either side of you and dragging you along to catch up with the rest of the team.
âbuy whatever you want!â wooyoung brags and waves the card that he has seized off of you, âitâs on me!â
the service area itself is a field trip as the eight boys cause carnage throughout, except the destruction is in the number of times they swipe the company card. their hands quickly fill with rice cakes and fish skewers, corn dogs and grilled squid, more bags of walnut pastries and roasted potatoes tucked safely under their elbows. they demolish the snacks at the same rate it takes for the next ones to be prepared and the card is tossed around to keep up with their purchases.
they do not forget about the drinks either, getting iced americanos and barley tea to go along with their snacks, and banana milk and soda for the next leg of the trip. whatever catches their eyesâbasically everything they lay their eyes uponâthey buy. you do have to draw the line at daytime drinking though, narrowing your eyes at the cases of beer jongho and yunho try to pick up until they sheepishly put them back.
(you also end up having to purchase motion sickness tablets because seonghwa and mingi gorge themselves so full on snacks that they are queasy before they even make it back on the bus. kqâs president sends you a text too, asking just what exactly you and the boys have bought to rack up almost forty consecutive purchases at a service area. but the subsequent message asking if they are enjoying themselves tells you that his question is all in good fun.)
their energy mellows out during the last hour of the trip, both from tiring themselves out and from the gradual change in the scenery outside the windows. no longer can you see an endless mirage of highway road and open fields.
as the miles build up the further you travel, it leads deeper into a mountainous woodland with the trees growing denser and thicker around you. the narrower road winds around the base of hills and the bus driver carefully navigates the undisturbed peace of the forest. it starts to get colder and when the branches of the trees gradually dress themselves in dappled layers of snow, more of you shoulder on the thick coats and puffer jackets you had told them to bring.
the bus eventually arrives at a clearing amongst the pine trees, revealing a large but welcoming cottage pension. its wooden exterior and sloped roof gives it a distinctly cosy and rustic look, with large glass doors spanning the entire height of the walls that will let you admire the surrounding mountainous beauty from inside. off to the side of the cottage, there is a sizeable lake that has frozen over and immediately, you know that this was the perfect place to choose.
the boys press their faces against the window to get a better look as the bus pulls up beside the accommodation. âwoah,â they breathe out, their exhales fogging up the glass.
they follow you off the bus in a trance, mouths open and unable to peel their eyes away lest they waste even a second to drink up the sight before them. here, in the heart of the taebaek mountains, it is still a winter wonderland despite the spring blossoms that cover the rest of seoul.
you turn to face them, walking backwards slowly and spreading your arms out with fond tenderness. âwelcome to your home for the next two weeks, boys.â
even though it is simply an illusion created by taebaekâs geographical location and mountainous terrain, this time you find yourself appreciating the coldness and bareness of the winter-like ambience that cocoons you and your boys. it is as if time has stopped and there are no worriesâŚonly time to heal and start afresh.
living together, even if just for a holiday, is different.
you are used to only seeing the team in their training clothes, practice jerseys or bulked up in their padded gear and uniform. but here, the boys wear lounging sweatpants and worn hoodies, hair soft and poking into their eyes, bodies and expressions unguarded as they laze around. and where you are used to only seeing them at training, meetings and games, all rigorously scheduled and planned, there are no expectations to follow and no limits as to when you see them here.
the boys have their own organised chaoticness to their daily routines, having been living together for almost seven years now, and it seamlessly integrates into the space of the cottage too. but what truly surprises you and them is how you naturally blend into it.
when you rented the pension, you had ensured there were at least three bathrooms to accommodate all nine of you. however, you quickly discover that numbers mean nothing because the boys are incapable of staggering their morning and nightly bathroom routines one by one like you had assumed they would. you also realise that it is not that they are incapable, but that they like and want to do everything together.
space within a room holds no meaning to them and they are perfectly content to stand pressed up against each otherâs sides, expertly dodging elbows and leaning over one another to reach for their toothbrushes or skincare. after that first night, you wake up in the morning and patter off in search for the least cramped bathroom to wriggle yourself into, up to three of you sharing the large sink and mirror that now looks comparatively tiny as you brush your teeth together.
more often than not, you find yourself sandwiched between yunho and mingi. it is moreso a matter of neither boy letting you escape from their clutches if you happen to peer into whichever bathroom they have crammed themselves into.
âwe make the perfect ratio as the two tallest plus you as the shortest,â mingi likes to rationalise, âso it averages out perfectly with three boys in each of the other bathrooms.â
âbut sanâs shoulders are basically the equivalent of two grown men, so your point is invalid no matter how we divide ourselves up,â you like to argue back.
except they refuse to see reason. instead, yunho raises the volume of the speaker he has set on the sinkâs counter that blasts out music to playfully drown you out. you relent every time and it turns into goofy dancing from the three of you as you pull silly expressions at one another in the mirror. when you rinse your mouth, mingi will start a gargling competition without fail, but none of you have lasted for more than three seconds before you begin to choke with laughter.
(when you are with people you like, everything is funny.)
seonghwa shakes his head whenever he passes the bathroom, insisting, âthe only thing you guys are missing is a disco ball.â he is definitely not jealous of the fun you three are having. not at all.
the eldest has his own routine though, visible in the way he prepares everybodyâs cups of coffee in the morning. they are all made differently according to individual preferences; no sugar, double shots, a dash of milk, brown sugar, matcha powder or decaf. and despite the fact that yeosang is usually up the earliest, seonghwa does not allow him to make his own coffee.
seonghwa claims it is because nobody knows how to properly use the drip brewer, but yeosang sits next to you and murmurs into your ear, âhe just wonât admit that he likes to make them for us.â it must be the chill of the morning, but yeosangâs warm, whispery voice always sends goosebumps over your arms.
by the second morning, seonghwa finds himself naturally grabbing an extra cup and the hot surprise greets you with one and a half teaspoons of sugar in it, just how you like it. hongjoong emerges from the bathroom moments later to grab his cup and as he takes a careful sip, his eyes flit over the remaining cups on the table. seonghwa can practically hear the numbers ticking up in his head.
ây/n already took hers,â he verbalises, beckoning with his chin.
hongjoong turns around in the same direction to see you curled up on the sofa next to jongho and yeosang, your feet tucked comfortably underneath you as you lean forward out of curiosity to take a sip of jonghoâs americano. when your expression scrunches up from the shock of bitterness, jongho giggles brightly and steadies your hand that is holding your own cup of sweetened coffee. his eyes melt at your reaction.
âoh, i know that expression,â hongjoong chortles. âheâs a goner.â
seonghwa sees the honey in hongjoongâs own eyes and he smiles knowingly, âi donât think heâs the only one.â
hongjoong does not peel his gaze away from the three of you all cosied up on the couch. âyouâre right, theyâre both goners,â he hums absentmindedly, not at all registering who exactly it is who is being referred to.
(the true answer is that there are more than three of them.)
you discover that wooyoung is usually in charge of cooking, but in return, everybody else gets up to clear and wash the dishes the moment the last pair of chopsticks is placed down on the table. that is the only time they are allowed into the kitchen because they are apparently all walking hazards.
but when wooyoung realises you can actually handle a knife without giving him grey hairs from watching, the two of you easily divide the roles and tasks between yourselves. like a waltzing dance, you move together in the kitchen to prepare the meals. he passes you the spices in the overhead cabinets before you ask and you close the fridge when he takes out a pack of meat or vegetables.
cooking with wooyoung is never without bickering. he does not let you hear the end of the time you bump your head on the edge of the counter when you try to grab a saucepan from underneath, or the time you squeal after the oil starts to splatter from the onions. but if that is the reason why he starts to subtly move his hand to cushion the edges of the counters when you bend down to find something, or why he chooses to do the stirring and frying while you slice, then he pretends it is merely coincidence.
san never strays far away from the kitchen whenever you and wooyoung are cooking. you have noticed that they do not really ever stray apartânone of the boys do, though. wooyoung talks as you and san listen and the latter does not stop smiling as he watches wooyoung multitask. what you do not realise is the countless times you have forgotten to keep cooking because you are watching him too with the same expression that san wears.
(the rest of the boys realise and they also see the way san and wooyoung will pause to gaze at you.)
when you two have mostly finished cooking and it is simply a matter of waiting for the sauce to simmer or the soup to boil, you find that wooyoung will take his seat next to san on the barstools at the island, knees and thighs touching as he continues the conversation. you gravitate towards them the first time before catching yourself, cautious that you may be intruding, but then san gives you a dimpled smile and beckons for you to come and sit by his other side.
san likes to keep a gentle hand resting on wooyoungâs knee as he talks. when he does the same thing to you without even looking, your lungs stop working for a minute. the only thought that consumes your mind is the warm sensation of sanâs thumb soothingly running back and forth across your skin. you do not want him to stop, so you stay still in hopes that he continues. you are pretty sure san does not even consciously realise he is doing it.
(san does, and he is glad you do not move away.)
in the hours after dinner and before you all head off to sleep, you pile the thick blankets into the open living room and squish yourselves on the least number of couches as possible. again, space holds no meaning when you are with the boys and you find the press of yeosang and hongjoongâs skin against your own more natural there than not.
sometimes you watch movies together, other times talking with low voices as the hours tick by, and other times where you are all doing your own things but in the presence of one another. regardless, the nine of you stay cuddled in front of the fireplace with the warm glow of the fire and the light dreamy flutter of snow outside the windows.
yeosang tenderly tucks the blankets up around mingiâs shoulders when he falls asleep before turning to you on his other side. âare you warm enough?â he softly asks. and even though you say you are, he still tucks the edges of your blanket under your chin, nestling you safely within the blanket, hongjoongâs side and his own body.
the boys are naturally affectionate with one another and seeing the close dynamic of theirâŚfriendship so intimately in the environment of the retreat reminds you once more of the possibility that their relationship may run deeper than they let on.
(but when that affection extends to you, you wonder what exactly that may mean for your own relationship with the boys.)
and so living together, even if just for a holiday, is different. it is different when they are the first sight to greet you when you wake up, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and voice still husky from fatigue as they murmur good mornings to you, and your cheeks start to glow with rosiness.
it is different when the decisions you make together are not about a change in formation or a defensive power play, but what to make for dinner and what movie you want to watch afterwards, and it makes you begin to wonder what other mundane decisions you want to make with them. it is different when they wrap you in their embraceâeight consecutive hugsâto bid you goodnight, and it takes you longer to fall asleep because you toss restlessly in your bed as their smiles replay in your head.
being on the retreat together is strangely domestic and homelike. but it has been almost nine months since you have started coaching the boys and thus seeing them every day for countless hours on end. so really, this trip should not change anything.
and yet, it feels like everything is changing.
jongho pays no mind to the conversation that is happening around him. last he heard, half of you are wanting to go out to skate on the lake before the sun sets and the other half are wanting to finish the halli galli championship you had started the night prior.
he is happy to do either but his mind is distracted by something else. as the screen of his phone lights up, jonghoâs eyes flicker down and he puts his hand over the glowing display before anybody can see the caller id. you glance at him when you catch the movement in the corner of your peripheral vision, only to look away when yunho calls out your name to see which of the two options you would prefer.
the screen goes black as the call goes unanswered. seconds later, it lights up briefly with a notification.
pick up.
then the caller id shows up again. jongho grabs his phone and mumbles to nobody in particular, âgoing to grab something from my room.â
closing the door to the room that he is sharing with hongjoong in the pension, jongho sits down heavily on the edge of his bed, phone clutched tightly in his hand. whilst he has no qualms ignoring their messages now, he still finds it difficult to do the same to their phone calls. he finds his resolve weakening as he watches his phone ring for the third time within minutes.
so jongho picks up. âmother,â he greets stiffly.
she scoffs scathingly, âyou finally decided to pick up.â
âiâve been busy with the playoffs.â a half lie.
âbusy? busy losing, you mean,â his mother ridicules. jongho is taken aback by the fact that she is aware, since he did not tell his family. it makes sense when she berates, âdo you know how embarrassing it was for me to find out from your aunt? she told me to congratulate you for making it into the semifinalsâthe semifinals, jongho.â
he feels a heat of shame at what she is insinuating. jongho defends, âthatâs still the top four out of seventy six teams.â
ânobody cares,â she turns her nose up. âit does not matter if you came fourth, second or lastâunless you win first place, the result is not worth anything. our entire family has a legacy of achievements and your younger brother even has an olympic gold medal now. but what have you done? this is a mere national competition and yet you are incapable of making it into the finals.â
âjongââ his name dies on the tip of your tongue and your hand stops before you can knock on the door when you hear jonghoâs muffled voice.
the boys had finally decided to grab their skates so you had come to get jongho to join everybody outside. realising he is talking to somebody, you are about to turn away and give him some privacy, but the words you hear make you freeze.Â
it is not the conversation itself that you overhear; it is the wounded tone of jonghoâs voice that makes it impossible for you to walk away. your feet stay rooted to the spot, in fact, wanting to enter the room. you have not heard jongho in such great affliction before, not even when he was consoling the boys with tears in his own eyes after their crushing defeat in the playoffs.Â
âwhen are you going to celebrate my achievements for what they are, instead of telling me to do better?â jongho appeals.
he has lived his entire life being told that he is not good enoughâconstantly compared to the accomplishments of his family, particularly those of his younger brother. what he does not understand is why he cannot just be recognised for the athlete that he is, void of any other person.
his mother is silent and for a brief moment, jongho thinks that she may finally see some sense in his wordsâŚonly for her to unfeelingly state, âwhen they are worth celebrating.â with a simple, âdo better,â she hangs up on him.
jonghoâs hand falls limply into his lap, phone slipping out of his lax fingers with a dull thud to the ground. he wants to swear. he wants to cry. he wants to throw his phone against the wall until the screen shatters. but jongho simply leans forward, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, the crushing weight of dejection forcing his lungs to exhale shakily.
there is a faint, timid knock on the door. he knows who it is immediatelyâonly one person would knock so softly. âcome in,â he answers listlessly, because he could never bring himself to ignore you no matter his own feelings.
the door cracks open to reveal your tentative figure and you slip through the opening. from the way your lips are pulled down, eyes rounded with concern, jongho knows that you have connected enough dots to understand the context of the phone call.
you approach the bed and try to ignore how small the boy in front of you looks with his shoulders hunched inwards on themselves. jongho has always appeared as the most collected and composed, even more so than the captain, and it makes your chest tight to realise he has simply been hiding this whole time.
jongho is not a man of many words so you do the next best thing that feels right in the moment. you simply open your arms. when his hands slowly come up in silent acceptance, you step forward to engulf him in your embrace.
he presses his face into the soft warmth of your stomach. the darkness welcomes him with safety and comfort and he lets out a stuttering breath that racks his entire body. you wrap one arm around his shoulders and cradle the back of his head with your other, your fingers tenderly caressing his hair in soothing motions.
although silence is what he needs, you allow yourself to say one thing to him. you murmur, âiâm proud of you, jonghoâŚso, so proud of you.â
and they are the words he has been wanting to hear his entire life. unable to keep it together any longer, jongho breaks down in your arms with tearful sobs and allows himself to grieve for the acknowledgement he has yearned his entire life and never received. however, it will only be for tonight because he has realised that it is futile to chase after recognition from a person who refuses to see his worth, even if that person is his own family.
there will always be other people who can see his actual worth; the same people who will still love him even if he does not have a gold trophy to call his. for him, those people are his seven boys and you.
so he stays in your arms with you wrapped around him, time lost to the two of you. he cries until he has no tears left and you tilt your head upwards to stop the flow of your own tears before they can drip down onto the crown of his head. and outside the bedroom, hongjoong quietly eases the door shut to give you both some privacy.
you do not know how much time has passed when you finally step out. jongho has fallen asleep after you tucked him under his covers, exhausted. heading towards your room to change out of your shirt, you are startled by the sight of hongjoong lingering near the door.
âyou didnât go out with the boys?
he shakes his head, then conscious of where you two are standing, he gestures inside your room and follows you in. âis jongho okay?â hongjoong asks.
âi think soâŚheâs sleeping now but probably just needs a bit more time,â you sigh, âi just wish i could do more for him.â
hongjoong reassures, âyou are already doing so much more than you realise.â
for jongho. for wooyoung. for all of them. comfort has never been about the words or actions, but the person who is by their side, and for the boys, having you there is already enough.
âreally?â you worry.
âyes, really.â
before he realises what he is doing, hongjoong reaches out to gingerly cup the side of your face to thumb away the worry in your brows. ây/n, you take care of us all the timeâŚbut who takes care of you?â he whispers.
âiâm your coach, of course iââ
âno,â he interrupts. âyou arenât just our coach and from what i have seen, you arenât just our friend either. unlessâŚâ hongjoong hesitates, âunless iâve been reading everything wrong, then in which case, tell me and iâll move away.â
you do not reply. your eyes flicker back and forth between his, your heart racing and mind blank. it is trueâthey are not just your players and they are not just your friends either, but you are unsure about taking such a huge leap of faith and acting upon the feelings you have only just started to understand.
hongjoong takes your silence as encouragement to step even closer until he is right in front of you. he keeps his hand on your cheek, his other coming up to delicately cradle your waist. you are standing intimately enough for his warm breath to span across your cheeks as he tenderly pleads, âlet us take care of you as more than what we are right now.
âif you do not want to put a label on it then thatâs fine, we wonât. weâll still be your team and youâll still be our coach. but please, let us take care of you when you are hurt, when youâre upset or angry, and when you are happy, too. let us love you as one of ours.â
as one of theirs.
you swallow and confirm, âare you all together?â
âyes, weâre dating each other,â hongjoong nods.
âbut then whyâŚâ your voice trials off. why me, too?
hongjoong taps the tip of your nose and jokes lightly, âis there a capped limit as to how many people we are allowed to love?â
it pulls a giggle out of you and he smiles fondly as he reiterates, âwe donât need to put a label on this and we can go entirely at your pace. just let us into your heart, please?â
for a moment you wonder what will happen to your professional relationship with the boysâwhat will happen if things do not work out or worse, if other people find out and report you all for it. but when you really think about it, you realise that the professionalism between you and the boys has long since blurred.Â
you do not know if you can go back to seoul after this retreat and act like you do not want to continue living with them. most importantly, you do not want to know if you can. so you take the leap of faith and nodâyou want to be theirs.
when you first met the red devils in autumn last year, you were resolved to win over them. never would you have expected that you would win them over in more ways than oneâŚand be won over yourself.
âhi, girlfriend.â
seonghwa smacks the back of wooyoungâs head. âstop pressuring her,â he hisses as the younger cackles delightfully and strides away through the snow impressively fast considering he is wearing his skates.
âignore him,â seonghwa turns to you, where you are sitting on the porch steps to the cottage. he squats down and takes the laces out of your hands to start doing up your own skates.
âi can do it myself,â you start.
âi know you can,â seonghwa hums, gazing up lovingly, âbut i want to do it for you.â
you press your lips together in an attempt to hide the shy smile that blooms across your face and when that fails, you duck your head down instead. ever since your talk with hongjoong the other day, the boys have been significantly more obvious and proactive with their displays of affection for you. however, you are pretty sure they had their own conversation when you were asleep or in the shower, because not one of them pressures you into something you are not ready for, even if that includes making your relationship official.
âthere you go. is it too tight? too loose?â seonghwa taps your skates and you tell him they are perfect. taking his offered hand with an appreciative smile, he pulls you up to your feet and you go to join the rest of the boys on the frozen lake.
you are sure it feels the same for every single one of your boysânothing can compare to that moment when you first step onto the ice. it is where you become a completely different person; a fish back in water, in control and at home.
it had been a gamble renting the cottage pension as you were unable to know whether the lake would be frozen over enough to allow for skating. but it is as if the heavens know not to separate you and your boys from the love and passion that your entire lives revolve around, because you are blessed to see them scrambling out to play on the frozen lake almost every single day, just like they are right now.
san spots you and seonghwa and beckons for you two to join. âhongjoongâs the tagger,â he calls out.
the captain stands at the other end of the lake, back facing everybody as he drawls, âgreen lightâŚâ
before hongjoong even starts to enunciate the first word, yunho, wooyoung and jongho have already pushed off their skates to advance. it sets off an immediate chorus of indignant shouts and desperate acceleration amongst everybody else to catch up. you laugh and seonghwa drags you along with him urgently, unable to stand your apparent nonchalance and uncompetitiveness.
but oh, how wrong he is. very quickly, you join the majority of the boys in a game of who can be the most sneaky with dirty play. wooyoung and mingi tussle with one another right as hongjoong turns around with his yell of âred light!â, trying to topple the other over so they get caught. jongho yanks on the back of seonghwaâs jacket whilst yeosang giggles and joins in to yank on jonghoâs, effectively preventing all three of them from advancing forward.
âlet go of me, you brats!â seonghwa flails forward against the combined weight of the two boys but to no avail.
you use yunhoâs height to your advantage and hide behind him, steadily creeping forward even when hongjoong has turned around to face you all. yunho quickly catches on and extends his hands backwards for you to latch onto. you are more than happy to let him do all the hard work skating you both towards the captain and you grin cheekily at the trioâstill caught up in their self-induced tug-of-warâas you overtake them easily.
ây/nâs cheating!â san hollers, the only one who is actually playing by the rules.
âlifeâs not fair!â you holler back gleefully at the same time that hongjoong sniggers, âsan, you moved your mouth! go back.â
san gives an indignant cry, âfavouritism, i say!â but, bless his heart, moves back to the starting line regardless.Â
when yunho is almost towering over hongjoong, he cues you to get ready to escape by letting go of your hands. you pivot around and without waiting for anything else, you start to run away.
âgreeââ
yunho tags hongjoongâs right shoulder before pushing off to the left so that he escapes the otherâs immediate line of vision. except it means that the first person that hongjoong sees when he turns around is you.
an involuntary squeal escapes you when you hear the terrifying crispness of skates on ice right behind you followed by the captainâs arms snaking around your waist. âcaught you, babeâ he beams. hongjoong lifts you up with shit-eating smugness at your reactionâboth at his close proximity and the pet nameâspins you around for good measure, then sets you back down to chase after the others.
wooyoung skates in a wide arc to dodge the captainâs frenzied rampage, only to suddenly appear right beside you with the most telling glint in his sparkling eyes that he is up to mischief. he grins.
âwooyoung, no,â you warn.
he grabs you by the waist. âwooyoung, yes.â
wooyoung pushes off his skates with you in front of him at breakneck speed across the ice, bellowing at the top of his voice, âmake way for the cripples!â
you scream the entire way to the end of the lake, hands clutching onto his like a lifeline as a colourful string of words flies out of your mouth. you think you black out for a second because when you open your eyes again, you are in a heaving tangle of arms and legs on the cushiony surface of powdery snow.
âoh, shit,â hongjoong winces.
the boys speed towards you and wooyoung, and yunho peers down at you on the ground with panicked concern in his eyes. âare you two okay?â he asks but when he sees that you are laughing, unrestrained and radiating joy, yunho relaxes and joins in with relief.
theyâmainly seonghwaâfuss over you both enough to reassure themselves that there is not so much as a scratch or bruise, before mingi suggests playing a casual hockey game of five versus four. there are to be no goaltenders and san fashions makeshift goalposts by poking sticks into the snow on either ends of the lake.
the team splits into their usual arrangement when they are required to be in two groups; hongjoong, yunho, san and wooyoung; seonghwa, yeosang, mingi and jongho. normally, you would offer to be the honorary refereeâŚbut the boys have never been rough with you and you have confidence that you will not get hurt. so for the first time in years, you play.
it is far from a proper league game and it will never be enough to quench your thirst as a former athlete, but for now, gripping your stick on the ice in tandem with the others, you are contentâyou are alive.
like red light, green light, the game starts off fair and proper for a grand total of two minutes. then it becomes a circus of foul plays and increasingly creative methods of cheating as all sense of order is tossed out the window. yunho and san stand in front of you, leaving just enough space for you to handle the puck, whilst hongjoong and wooyoung flank your sides and use their sticks to block any attempts to steal the puck. as a shielded group of five, you all move up towards the goalposts like a formidable army tank.
in retaliation, jongho physically manhandles hongjoong out of the way, hugging him from behind with a vice grip that he swears not to let go. seonghwa, mingi and yeosang imitate him with similar displays of strength, turning the entire match into a childish scuffle of chaos and hysterics.
there are no proper rules, no proper gear and no proper stadiumâonly the bare minimum, yourselves and uncontainable laughter. it feels like you are kids again, little souls harbouring colossal dreams, running around on the fields with long branches and a pine cone you had found when you could not afford to go to a real rink.
it is like you have gone back in time to when all you knew about ice hockey from watching it on your television screen was that you had to get the puck into the goal. you and the boys are fresh, blank slates without a care in the world for the countless strategies and tactical plays that you have learned over the length of your careers.
without the pressures and routines of strict training regimes, you all reignite the very roots of your ardour and fervour for ice hockey. no longer is it about the scores and making it into the playoffs. no longer is it about winning the championships to gain the acknowledgement of other people. no longer is it about the trauma of betrayal, injury and defeat you have experienced.
playing is simply the thrill of skating liberally with no burdens across the ice. it is the feeling of thriving when your blade connects with the puck and sends vibrations up your arms. it is the rush of adrenaline as everyone moves in tandem with the same singular thought in your heartsâthat you love ice hockey with your entire lives. and that in itself is already more than enough, even without a gold trophy and championship title to prove it to yourselves.
for the last five years, the boys have had the leaves of their trees forcibly plucked and removedâby family, by coaches, and by injuriesâŚbut now?
it is time for their flowers to bloom.
spring, 2025: playoffs
standing off to the side, you watch your boys listening attentively to the reporter who is conducting an interview with them. you have continued to stay out of the media spotlight where possible, not yet entirely comfortable standing in front of the cameras again, but your boys have quickly grown accustomed to media coverage ever since their popularity gained traction thanks to their undefeated streak in the regular season.
the interviewer glances down at her prompt card before asking, âso tell me, what has been a major contribution to your success this season? your team has made a name for yourselves as the undefeated champions so farâquite a contrast to how you started off last season.â
seonghwa laughs cordially with her. âwe were getting used to a lot of changes last year so our teamwork and mentality wasnât the best,â he admits. âour agency gave us some time off to recalibrate, which really helped us to focus on building ourselvesâas individuals and as a team. i think we learnt to place our unconditional trust in one another and our coach. we still play with a dominantly offensive approach, but weâve been adopting different playing styles and experimenting with them, so this relies heavily on believing in each other.â
yunho nods, gesturing for the microphone to add, âas cliche as it may sound, a huge part of our growth was also learning how to accept loss. this wasnât just in the context of being defeated in the semifinals but in the wider lens of our past mistakes, relationships, and even situations that we could not change.
âit has been a tough journey for a lot of us over the last year, but we were lucky enough to have each otherâs support,â yunhoâs nostalgic smile reflects your own as you realise just how far both you and all of your boys have come. âonce we were able to let go, it meant that we could enjoy our career for what it truly isâplaying the sport of our dreams together, every day.â
the reporterâs ears perk up in interest at the segway to probe and she jumps on the opportunity to ask, âi am sure many of your fans have been curious for a long time. is there a special somebody who has supported youâor any of youâthroughout your journey?â
yunho passes the microphone to the hand that has extended out to reach for it. itâs san this time, who has a charmingly confident persona that he takes on whenever he answers questions during interviews. good thing too, because their fans are going to need something to distract them from understanding the confession he is about to make.
âthere is. we all do, actually,â his deep voice rolls off his tongue like butter. the way he smoothly talks with a flirtatious smirk never fails to make you swoon. âfunnily enough, we all met our girlfriend at about the same time.â
off to the side, wooyoung sends a wink in your direction and you have to muffle a snort with your hand and divert your glance away. the structural framework of the stadium ceiling suddenly looks very interesting. san stands there incredibly smug at his joke that he knows nobody but you and the boys will pick up on.
by the time you tune back into the conversation, the reporter has moved onto the next question. âlast year, you lost to the white tigers in the semifinals. how do you feel about facing them again later today?â
due to a spike in popularity, the korean ice hockey league had to divide its teams into two separate groups for the regular season matches this year. both the red devils and the white tigers had been placed in different groups and by some twist of fate, had ranked at the top and then seeded accordingly on either ends of the tournament brackets. now, your team faces theirs in the very last game of the season.
the finals.
âweâre quite excited, actually,â jongho responds. âwe have been wanting to play against the white tigers again some day and i donât think it gets any more fitting than meeting them in the finals. they have some incredible players but like seonghwa mentioned before, weâve been working hard to adjust our playing style to suit the situation. our coach has put in a lot of effort to hone in on our strengths and weaknesses, so no matter what todayâs outcome is, weâre confident that it wonât be an easy win for either team.â
âi am sure the finals is going to be a thrilling match. now, speaking of coaches,â the interviewer starts and you can see hongjoongâs hand twitching subtly at his side, ready to step in and deflect the question need be should it pertain to you.
she continues, âhow does it feel to play against your former coach?â
yeosang and mingi frown, unable to neutralise the confusion on their faces. hongjoong smiles calmly, ultimately taking over the microphone as he apologises, âsorry, could you please elaborate your question?â
it is the interviewerâs turn to fluster slightly but she nods quickly, âyou must not be aware, then.â
your eyes dart back and forth as you try to recall whether there is a crucial piece of information you have somehow missed or forgotten to tell the boys. the tone of her voice foreshadows something that makes the pit of your stomach churn.
âlast year, the white tigers had a stand-in coach, so you probably did not know.â she says her next words carefully and despite the bustling movement that fills the entire stadium, you can hear the exact moment all of your hearts drop.
âthe coach of the white tigers is coach yeon, your teamâs former coach in 2018âŚand heâs here today.â
you are the first to rush back into their locker room. frantically, you grab the official guide that had been given to you by the ice hockey league prior to the start of the regular season from out of your bag. you flip through it, team profiles upon team profiles blending into a hazy blur of faces as you find the one you are trying to look for.
ây/n,â somebody gently murmurs from behind you but you do not register their call. you continue to flick through the pages and when you find the profile for the white tigers, you scan the top of the page for a certain name with a shaky finger.
head coach: yeon ha joon
âoh my god,â you breathe out, hands lowering to your sides and gaze wavering. how the fuck had you managed to miss it this entire time?
you are not the only one affected by the revelation. the change room is pervaded by unease and restlessness, and wooyoung paces back and forth despite hongjoongâs attempts to get him to sit down. hongjoong himself cannot even remember how he answered the question about coach yeon, only that he had somehow excused themselves not long after to cut the interview short.
âhow is he still a coach?â seonghwa furrows his brows.
wooyoung stops pacing and your eyes are drawn to him when he suddenly blanches, âwhat if coach yeon is doing the opposite now and paying other teams to let his own team win?â
âno wayââ ââi wouldnât put it past himââ ââsurely not?â the boysâ voices overlap at the speculation.
it is a valid speculation based on what they have told you in the past about coach yeon. however, you stay quiet, suddenly aware of the fact that it is not something that would favour you should it be true. you gnaw the inside of your cheek because as much as you know that your boys would not suspect you, you still worry that doubt may cross their minds at one point, even if only briefly.
âunless the money he offered every single time was equivalent to the prize money, itâs highly unlikely the teams would have all accepted, right?â jongho points out.
yunho shrugs nonchalantly, âbut even if they did, we all know that coach yeon would never be able to bribe our girl.â
the way everybody immediately agrees expels some of the anxiety within you, filling you with reassurance and security that starts to relax your chest instead. wooyoung chooses that moment to finally sit down on the bench beside you. he adds, âweâre too whipped for you, so even if you were bribed, we would probably ask whether the money was enough and if you wanted more.â
san chucks a water bottle at him. despite yourself, you laugh and admit, âthat isâŚstrangely comforting.â
âsee,â wooyoung triumphantly boots the bottle back at the older. âshe gets it.â
seonghwa intercepts the pitiful bottle before it becomes weaponised and sets it down next to him. âshe wouldnât accept the money in the first place.â
âexactly, so why does any of this matter?â mingi suddenly questions.
yeosang knits his brows together as he states the obvious, âitâs coach yeon.â
âand?â mingi mirrors his expression with genuine confusion.
it is quiet in the locker room. the coach of the white tigers is indeed coach yeonâŚand so what? what exactly about the revelation has pushed you all to the edge of the cliff?
mingi cocks his head. âwhat iâm trying to say is, does it make any difference whether he is their coach or not? think about itâregardless of how he got his team to the finals, he has no unfair advantage over us. thereâs no way that he has bribed a fixed win in the finals, and he has no access to any insider knowledge that could jeopardise our tactics and plays.
âthe only leverage that he âhasâ is a psychological advantageâif we can even call it that. but weâre not the same boys who were too naive and powerless to do anything about it six years ago. if anything, we can easily turn this to work in our favour because i donât know about you guys, but iâm ready to drag his ass through the mud. what we said earlier about not caring for todayâs outcome? nah, fuck that. weâre going to fuck him up and show him that he messed with the wrong people.â
he takes everybodyâs silence as misunderstanding of his last statement and he hurriedly clarifies there is no violent intent, âby winning. fairly.â
âdamn,â jongho whistles. âyouâre onto something for once.â
mingi clambers over seonghwaâs legs to grab the forgotten bottle and it goes flying across the room with violent intent. âdude, what the fuck,â mingi grouses.
the dull thud that resounds when jongho holds sanâs leg pad up to block the projectile is enough to shift the mood in the room entirely. you finally relax into hongjoongâs side and he moulds you closer to him with the arm that he snakes around your waist as you both watch the locker room erupt into familiar pre-game mayhem.
yunho immediately scoops up the bottle and pitches it again. san stands to the side worrying over his poor leg pads as jongho uses them to bat the makeshift ball. his impressive accuracy makes you wonder whether they would have made it just as big as they are now had they formed a baseball team instead, but then yeosang narrowly dodges the bottle before it gives him a black eye, wooyoung cackles in the background, and you think better of it.
seonghwa joins you both on the bench and amongst all of the mischievous chaos and raucous laughter, you feel at peace, your hands clasped tenderly in the hands of your two captainsâin unity, trust and love. you affectionately squeeze their hands with unspoken conviction.
you know your boys are going to play well; you just have a good feeling.
the energy in the room spikes exponentially as you huddle together one final time before you walk out of the locker room, through the hallways and to the arenaâone final time before you step out to the ice rink as the red devils, playing in the final match.
you and your boys stand in a circle as close as it is physically possible with their bulky pads and game jerseys that they wear so proudly. it is indiscernible where one of you starts and where another ends from how intimately you all press together. your huddle is a woven nexus of arms and your hearts pound as one entity.
everyone learns of the juxtapositions of the world early on in life. there is no light without dark, there is no happiness without sadness, there is no spring without autumnâŚand there is no victory without defeat. not a single one of your boys has made it this far without falling at least once, and the conscious thought makes your heart swell and your throat constrict with overwhelming emotion.
somehow, you manage to choke out, âi am so, so proud of all of you.â
yunho and seonghwaâs own eyes start to heat up with wetness. from your side, san kisses your temple with feather-like tenderness, âand weâre so proud of you. y/n, you have grown just as much as we have.â
âthank you for being our coach,â hongjoong murmurs into your ear from your other side, the tip of his nose softly nuzzling you.
wooyoung reaches out to thumb the round of your cheek, âand thank you for loving us when we found it difficult to love ourselves.â
you had always viewed your injury and career with anger, bitterness and anguishâŚbut you have finally come to terms with it. in the process of healing, you have learnt to love yourself, love eight other people, and to be loved. you have had your golden days as an athlete and you are now living your golden days as a coachâ
âthe very coach of the red devils, your team of boys who are living through their golden days as athletes, and you are going to lead them to victory in the finals.
swiping at a tear that slips down your cheeks, you grin. âboys, letâs win this match and then,â you pause as you meet their determined gazes, their smiles wide with uncontainable excitement, the tension in the room electrifying and palpable.
âletâs go international.â
you may have all fallen beforeâas athletes, as coaches, as a teamâbut you will always stand back up together, because at the end of the day your dream is theirs and their dream is yours. and like autumn, the leaves fall for a reason; they must fall before the spring flowers can bloom to their full beauty.
and bloom your flowers have.
#loren writes#ateez fics#ateez fic#ateez x reader#ateez ot8 x reader#poly ateez x reader#hongjoong x reader#seonghwa x reader#yunho x reader#yeosang x reader#san x reader#mingi x reader#wooyoung x reader#jongho x reader#ateez fluff#ateez angst#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez oneshot#ateez au#hockey ateez
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Poor poor hockey! Simon :(
he lost and now the only thing to make him feel better is a good bj
this made me twitch so here u are my love !!!
!! comfort/smut - minors dni; hockey au; praises (in a tender way and but also in a kink way); D/s-ish; some semblance of plot ig // 2.4k words (LMAO)
the horn blows, marking the end of the game and, with that, the end of spec gruâs season.
it was heartbreaking to watch the way the boys' bodies slump, their loss descending onto them like heavy rain. the arena shakes, screams from the opposing team's fans piercing your ears, but you can't blame them, reallyâthey won on home ice, against the leviathan of the league. it is a tremendous win for them, and a devastating loss for your side.
you feel your hand getting squeezed and you turn, looking at johnny's fiancee, seeing the way her own face is crumpled in her sadness.
"i guess that's that, huh?" she says, comforting, her voice a quiet whisper that was almost devoured by the loud cheers.
sometimes you forget that she's an athlete too; that she feels things a lot more intense than you do because she understands the grapple. the desperation. the way how everything you give and everything you put out is, at the end, not enough.
you sniffle, holding her hand tighter.
"i'm so proud of 'em," you say wetly, unable to compartmentalize your grief.
she laughs, the sound of it so empty of any humour but not any less kind.
âi am too.â
you both turn your gazes back to the rink and watch the teams shake hands with each other, the players finally amiable like they hadnât just been tussling on ice, all sparked by the sharp tension that buzzed throughout their play.
you watch as simon takes a lap, patting the backs of his team members with his lips pursed, but otherwise he is put together. and yet here you are, shaking, lips wobbling, nose twitching because you are trying your best not to cry. it isnât like you were the one who lost so you wonder why your heart twinges with so much pain; why is it that you are the one holding back the tears?
simon turns to the crowd, roving his eyes past bodies, until they finally lock on you. his lips twitch into a smile; you give him what you hope is a big oneâthe type of smile that will let him know how in awe you are of him, win or not.
they skate away and you all shuffle out, preparing for the flight back home.
.
it was expected for the players to fly back home togetherâa semblance of normalcy even amidst the staggering defeat. it was their last attempt at showing sportsmanship; at showing the hounding media that despite the abrupt end of their season, they remained close-knit.Â
simon understands it, of course. it was a media play, one that contends with the politics of the league, but it was difficult to act impartially, especially when they were making their way back, empty-handed, from the home ice of the team that had defeated them. it was difficult to not show the turmoil in their hearts, but they all managed to hold their heads up high during the exit and that was that.
they didnât talk about it much, avoiding that last game as best as they could until the briefing, but hunger thrums in their jowlsâno one was satisfied with being the second best.Â
the promise of a better next season hung above them, but it is still so unreachable.
simon feels angrier than usual, unable to stop himself from taking this loss personally. like what costed them their win were only his shortcomings; like this defeat was his sole failure because he did promise to lead his team on ice, with price unable to stand as their official captain during the games. he had promised to score the most, after all, and had promised to keep the opposing puck out of priceâs net, but he failed in both and, well, here they are.
back home, anguished. defeated.
heâ
simon's phone rings, a quiet trill that echoes in the empty locker room.Â
he shoots awake from the swirl of his thoughts, sluggish as he pulls it out of his bag. he expected it to be laswell or keller, or maybe their coach, but simon feels his world tilt when he sees your name flashing on his screen. and just like that, like he wasnât even drowning in his self-doubt and self-hatred, simon feels like he can breathe again.Â
he feels lighter, his anguish seeping out of his pores, leaving him with nothing but his flesh and his heart and his love.Â
simon picks up the call, hears your voice, then he is up and running back home.Â
.
there is a sense of urgency in the way he finds you, his cold body folding into the warm touch of your own. you gasped out his name, surprised at how fast you have him back in your arms after a whole season of flying and leaving and pursuing his chance at the cupâ
âiâm home, petal,â simon murmurs, his voice deep and beautiful and longing, and you giggle, your eyes watering, before you nuzzle into his chest.
he breathes you in, the faint smell of ozone and rain and something distinctly flowery fills his nose, and somehow this is what grounds him, his blood spiking as desire and need fill him up instead.
and it trickles into him like wafting smokeâsoft, gentle, cascading like a warm kiss. it is still intense, hungry, but it is tender. quiet. like everything about simonâs buzzed energy had transformed into this careful folding. the anger, the desperation, all of it snuffed out for a vulnerable moment.
âbaby,â you begin, voice muffled from where your head is still pressed on his chest. âlove, you did so well.â
he shakes, his words failing him now.Â
you pull back just enough and he sees the glazed look in your eyes as you stare up at him, your lips curled in your smile. âiâm so proud of you, si.âÂ
his heart stutters inside the cages of his ribs, jumping, before it lodges itself in his throat.Â
you giggle at his wordless tremors and press close again, your body melting onto his again, before you tip your head back to his chest but this time, instead of a nuzzle, you greet his beating heart with a kiss. one that is so light he barely feels it from his shirt, but simon feels so shaken.Â
he feels so raw.Â
you are holding him like he is the best thing in this world. like all his bulk and his size and his anger is still worth this softness.
âi need you,â he croaks out, unable to stop the way his feelings bloat and rage in the pit of his stomach.Â
âyou have all of me,â you reply, breathless, your eyes still blown open, wide and full of wonder. then they shift, turning sharper, gaining edge; still careful, coaxing, but overwhelming. âtell me, my love. tell me how you need me.â
âfuck,â simon rasps out, feeling like heâs running out of air. his fingers twitch, digging deep into your skin, feeling it mould under his touch.
heâs missed this, alright. heâsâ
âmouth,â he finally manages to bite out. âwanâ feel your mouth, love.â
âokay,â you croon, kissing his pec again. âsit fâme?â
simon doesnât even have it in him to feel embarrassed about the way he falls to his ass on the plush mattress, bouncing a little bit because of the force, before he spreads his legs open, so, so desperate.Â
you have your bottom lip trapped between your teeth, canines dimpling the flesh, and simon feels like he is burning from the inside; doused with the fires of need, spark untamable, licking up, up, up.
âcome on, firelily,â he rumbles, needy. âcâmere anâ kiss me.â
you huff, fond, and fall to your knees, scooting close to him.Â
it was silent as you fumble with his sweats, tugging at the drawstring and grumbling when the hem gets snugged on his hips. simon chuckles, pushing your hair out of your face before he juts up just enough to give you room to slide his sweats and his boxers down.
the cool air makes him tremble and you murmur something. it was so faint that he doesnât get to catch what it was, but his curiosity sizzles at the sight of you licking your palm, shyly with how you refuse to meet his eyes. he almost teases you, his cheeks round with giddiness, but then you wrapped your fist around his half-chub, and his sanity is razed.Â
simon hisses, eyes fluttering close at the warm curl of pleasure.
jesus. heâs missed the feeling of this; your hand is softer, more supple, around his cock. it was so different from when it was his own fist rubbing himself, beating at his angrily flushed cock with desperation only for his peak to tip over mutedly, and not enough to truly satiate his hunger.
but this? fuck.Â
simon doesnât even realize heâs whimpering, his head thrown back at the curious pace of your hand, not really jerking him off but mapping along his veins almost in quiet awe.Â
ââm not gonâ last long if youââ he gasps at a particular twist. âif you keep doing that.â
âoh, no we canât have that,â you tease, chuckling, and simonâs reply builds on the tip of his tongue, cheeky, but then youâre already moving, your back folding, your breath hitting his sensitive head.
his thighs tense in his anticipation, his stomach locking. you flit your eyes up at him, pupils blown wide in your own ragged need, before he jerks at the feeling of your tongue pressing on the underside of his cock, licking up, and teasing his leaking slit.
simon moans, guttural, his voice caught on the back of his throat. he drops his hands to his sides, fisting at the sheets as you keep licking, teasing his slit and tracing his veins, lapping at his cock so messily.Â
if he didnât know any better, heâd think that youâre inexperienced; all sloppy and curious, like youâre attempting things youâve probably seen in porn, but then you close the ring of your mouth around the bulbed head, suckling like itâs a goddamn loli, while your hands drop to squeeze his balls, and simonâs gone.Â
âshit-!â he gasps out, battling air like heâs back on ice.Â
he bucks his hips forward, unable to help himself, and only stops at the warbled sound of your surprise.
âfuck,â he hisses, hand coming up to swipe the hair from your sweaty face. âiâm sorry, darlinâ. didnât mean tâforce it down. sâjust that yâr so good.â
he keeps petting your cheek, overtaken by his desires and no longer able to stop the string of words trickling from his heart. âmissed you lots, sweeâart. missed you so muchâtake me deeper?â
your cheeks hollow as you hum, so obedient for him.
âyeah, jusâ like that,â simon trills, his chest rising as he breathes in deeply. his stomach flexes at the feeling of you swallowing more of him, taking his thickness past your gummy cheeks and into the wet vice of your throat. âshit, baby. christ. yâfeel so fuckinâ good âround me. so perfect anâ wet.â he giggles, drunken in his bliss. âsuch a messy baby yâare. so sloppy. yâwanted my cock that much, dinâya? so hungry fâr it.â
thereâs a wet slurp when he hits the deepest you could allow him, your eyes rolling to the back of your skull. you choke, your body lurching in protest, but simon is at the throes of his pleasure and his rational thoughts are devoured by his gluttonous need, and simon knows it is wrong to ask butâ
âhold it in? can you do that fâr me, love?â he croons, his voice curling in his euphoria.
he knows this is playing dirty; to use your weaknessâthe deep rumble of his voice and the gentle beckoningâto make you weak, malleable. to make you just as desperate for him because he knows all you want to do is to be good for him even when it has you straining, your eyes filling up with tears. he knows it is wrong, but he canât help it. he wants you this way.
and you want him like this tooâhis desires sharpening, shaping him to be mean and dangerous. his thickness fills you up, pressing at the roof of your mouth and trapping your tongue underneath the weight of his flesh. your larynx is stretched out, stuffed, but simon is looking at you so adoringly, his own ecstasy so dizzying, so addicting.
you nod, sniffling, finally replying to his question because you want him to feel good. because you want him to lose his restraints when it comes to you.
because you want him to use you until heâs truly relaxed, his body exhausted with something beyond his heartbreak. with something beyond his loss.
simonâs lips wobble like he knows what it is you are thinking of.Â
he fucks your throat that way, gentle and sometimes slipping into something so mean it makes you squirm on your knees, the muted throb of your strained legs finally turning into staticky numbness, but you donât complain, your jaw relaxed as you let simon use you.
he growls out his praises, his words chewed on in his peaking euphoriaânose flaring, cheeks flushed redâor lilting as he teases youâpulling his cock out enough that all that is left is the head, and you whine because you want him in, please simon. wanâ more pleaseâ
âgonna cum, sweetheart. gonna cumâfuck!âgonnaââ
simon throws his head back, a blinding white filling his eyes and his ears ringing. his body trembles at the intensity of his orgasm, immense pleasure overtaking every synapses in his body until all that he feels is the feverish wrap of your mouth on him.
he flicks his eyes down, panting, and twitches at the sight you makeâjaw slack, eyes faraway, skin shining with a thin sheen of sweat.Â
you look, fuck, you look angelic like this.
simon cups your cheek, his thumb swiping just underneath your teary eye. you focus back to him slowly, blinking owlishly.Â
âshh,â he croons, gentle. âiâve got you, darlinâ. iâve got you.â
a whine builds from the back of your throat and simon hums, responding to your wordless babble, trying to ease you back down from the fog. he continues to hold you even amidst his oversensitivity, waiting so patiently so he can take care of you now.
yeah, he thinks to himself as he continues to return your unblinking stare. iâm glad to be back home.Â
hope this was good :'33 once again pls dont judge me for my blatant self-indulgence hhHHHHH oki oki mwah!!
#anon#hockey au#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley smut#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley#simon riley#hockey player simon#cod smut#ask#suns
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just got jumpscared by the banana fish closing and in the span of five seconds experienced every emotion known to man, culminating in complete and utter despair. anyway you should watch banana fish if you havenât! very good show!
#banana fish#remembering last spring when I watched this show three times back to back#read the whole manga too#ao3 tag? no match for me I got it all#you can ask me if I hate happiness or if Iâm some sort of masochist and the answer is just yes#but also the show is just so good#I may be an odd one for this but it brought me such happiness as it jumped on my heart#my soul is always with you etc etc#(and pro tip if it gets too much for ya just watch yuri on ice afterwards and pretend itâs a really eccentric figure skating au)
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Thin Ice
Theodore Nott x Reader
Summary: Your friends drag you to a hockey game, but halfway through you lock eyes with Theo. You canât help but feel a strong pull toward him. Deciding to shoot your shot with the player.
Warnings: 18+, MDNI, SMUT, Chars 18+, Hockey AU, flirting, tons of tension, explicit language, hockey!theo, dom!theo
A/N: Starting this series for my babe @amiableness I hope you enjoy it because this is just the start! Also BIG shoutout to my girl @westcanaan82 for the hockey!theo render. Definitely go Check out her page because she makes me DROOOOL
The arena was packed, and the noise was overwhelming as you sat in your seat, begrudgingly dragged there by your friends. You were scrolling through your phone, totally uninterested in the game unfolding before you.
But then⌠it seemed out of nowhere. A tall and muscular figure on the ice caught your attention. Fuck heâs hot. It was player number 13, Theo, whose piercing eyes were fixed on you through his helmet.
You felt a smirk growing on your lips before he nodded his head up at you and skated along the ice. Shuffling a puck with his hockey stick with ease. The game going on. Fuck maybe this game isnât too boring. You held your phone in your hand but your gaze settled on him on the ice. Suddenly gaining an interest in this sport.
After he shot a puck into the goal he pumped his fist in the air but you swore he looked over at you. Throwing you a flirty wink. And trust me, he fucking did. At this point, Theodore was trying to show off for you. Hoping he would get your attention. Craving your attention.
The game ended, and his team had won the match. But after all the eyefucking you two did you wanted to stay back in hopes to see that same player. âIâll catch up with you guys later!â Your friends gave you a knowing look while they walked out. You slowly moved around the now quiet arena.
A few minutes later, you started to feel defeated, thinking he mustâve left but thatâs when you heard a low and deep Italian accent. âI noticed you in the crowdâŚSeemed to be pretty glued to that phone of yours.â
Bright cherry red painted across your cheeks as you turned around. Quickly tucking your phone away in your purse, you gave the hockey player a small sheepish smile. âUhâŚYeah, sorryâŚItâs just not really my thing I guess.â
But when your gaze settled upon the player, he wasnât in the same gear from on the ice. Oh no. he was now in a tight under-armor top, showing off his muscular and toned torso along with a pair of black sweatpants. Freshly out of the shower, his brown locks clung to his forehead. The smell of his body wash was rich and intoxicating as it wafted all around you. Fuck me.
âNot your thing, huh? What is your thing then?â
Theo asked, his taunting tone hinting with flirtatiousness. Feeling the way your heart skipped from his words. His deep voice. Fucking hell. You hesitated for a moment, your fingers anxiously playing with the rings you wore. âI donât knowâŚReadingâŚMovies.â
Replying to the Italian, he ran a hand through his wavy hair, slicking it back and giving you a charming smile. âA reader. InterestingâŚ.â Theodore said in the same teasing tone before sticking out his hand and you matched him, giving your own and shaking it. The second your hands met, a spark pulsated through your body.
âNott. Theodore Nott. But you can call me Theo, Cara.â
The charming accent rolled off his tongue smoothly as you both exchanged names. You crossed your arms over your chest, shifting your weight to one leg. Bringing your confidence out. Something you always had. âAnywaysâŚWhatâs interesting about me reading?â You asked, giving him a bratty little grin.
Theo cocked an eyebrow, scoffing under his breath as he took a step before you. Eyeing you up and down fully. âAh, Iâm not sure. Just interestingâŚWhat do you like to read?â He questioned as he casually leaned closer toward you.
You tried to focus but his voice, his words were so smooth it sent little shivers down your spine. "Umm⌠mostly romanceâ Stuff like that." You mentally chastised yourself for sounding so fucking cliche. He seemed very interested in youâŚMaybe even so much so that you could get some hockey player action.
Theo gave you a lazy smile and your heart fluttered, feeling the tension building between you both. "Romance, huh? Thatâs fitting." You raised an eyebrow, confused. What the fuck was he on about? âWhat do you mean?â
He shrugged, leaning even closer towards you. âYou look like the romantic typeâŚ.SoftâŚsweetâ Yâknow?.â Your cheeks burned again. Was he flirting with you? This couldnât possibly be real. This was something out of the novels youâd read.
âOhâ Thanks I guess?â A sea of giggles freed from your lush lips. The same ones Theoâs eyes were burning into now. He stalked toward you as you walked back until you were pinned against the white brick wall of the ice rink.
He carefully took a strand of your hair, wrapping it around his pointer finger while his tongue poked the inside of his cheek. âCan I get the pretty girl's number, hm?â He asked, remaining not only charming but⌠cocky. Drawing you to him even more.
It seemed that your confidence exuded his own to creep out. But fuck did you like it. A confident man like this? Damn. âHuhâŚIâm not sure. Can you?â Teasing him right back you subtly bit your lower lip to fight back the giggles that wanted to escape from within.
âFuckinâ tease. Isnât that right?â
Theodore now pinned both of his hands above your head, practically towering over your tiny frame. âPerhaps just a little bitâŚâ Breathing out your words, your gaze danced along with his ocean eyes. Feeling your heart thump hard against your chest.
âI like a teaseâŚA challengeâŚâ His tone now held something of mischief, giving him a different vibe. And fuck, your whole body was fucking feeling it. âYeah?â You asked, bringing out more of your sultry tone, keeping your lips slightly parted as you glanced down to his own.
That was it. Theo was going to come in hot. Make his move. Smash his lips to yours. But just as he was millimeters away from ravishing you a loud shout was heard. ââNott! Back in the locker room!â His fucking coach. What a cock block. Theo rolled his eyes and cursed in Italian under his breath.
âWe arenât finished hereâŚâ He replied to you lowly, throwing up his pointer finger to his couch. He reached into his pocket. Pulling out a pen and taking your arm. Feeling the tickle of his scribbling, He wrote something on it as you sat there dumbfounded.
Once he was done, you scanned over your forearm. In sloppy handwriting was written his number followed by âText me, Tesoro ;)â giggling at his little winky face as you nodded your head.
With that, he walked off with his coach to the locker room. That night you got home thinking of everything and anything that could have happened if his damn trainer didnât interrupt you two. Thatâs when you decided to send him a flirty yet risky textâŚ
Ahhhh the start of hockey!theo đđĽ
â¸ď¸
Really hope yâall enjoyed im too excited to continue on with this au! ATP I have so many and STILL have some In the back of my mind help lol
As always asks and requests are open my sweet peas đ
Divider pinned in my masterlistđ
#theodore nott#theo nott#theo nott smut#slytherin boys#theodore nott smut#theo nott x reader#slytherin#theo nott x you#theodore nott x reader#harry potter fandom#theo nott drabble#theo nott imagine#theo nott fanfiction#Theo Nott series#theodore x reader#theodore nott drabble#theodore nott fic#theodore nott fanfiction#theodorenott#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott smutt#theodore nott x fem!reader#theodore nott x y/n#theodore nott x you#theodorenott x reader#theodorenottsmut#theonott#theonott smut#theo nott smutt#theo nott x fem!reader
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COLOGNE âŻâŻ ďš ěíě´í ďš
đŤ i'm not done yet , please kiss my neck
in which . . . you are intoxicated by their cologne â ěíě´í x f! reader ŕ¨ŕ§ non! idol au / fluff wc 100> per mem ăť w kissing, lovie dovey & puke worthy fluff + from liz. i love men who smell good
likes and feedback are greatly appreciated ><
HEESEUNG \ íŹěš
You rested your chin on Heeseungâs shoulder, arms snaking around his waist as he stood at the counter making coffee. He chuckled softly, already used to your sudden bursts of affection, but this time you buried your face against the side of his neck.
âY/n,â he laughed, âyouâre making it hard to concentrate.â
âI canât help it,â you murmured, inhaling deeply. The warm scent of his cologne mixed with something uniquely him made you smile. âYou smell so good.â
âGood enough to distract you, huh?â He turned slightly, a teasing grin spreading across his face.
âShut up,â you mumbled, placing a quick kiss on his neck before hiding your face against him again.
âAnytime you want to get distracted by me, you know where to find me,â he said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pressing a kiss to your forehead.
JAY \ ě ě´
Jay was sitting on the couch reading a book when you plopped down next to him and immediately leaned into his side, nose brushing against his neck.
âY/n, what are you doing?â he asked with a laugh, though he didnât move away.
âSniffing you,â you said bluntly, earning a wide-eyed look from him.
âYou're so weird,â he teased, tilting his head to give you a better angle.
âI donât care. I love the way you smell,â you said, leaving a trail of kisses from his jaw to his shoulder.
Jay set his book down, turning to pull you closer. âWell, Iâm not complaining if it means I get your attention.â
JAKE \ ě ě´íŹ
Jake was mid-conversation with his friends when you walked up to him and looped your arms around his waist, your face immediately pressing against his neck.
âY/n?â he asked, a little surprised but not moving an inch.
âJust ignore me. You smell too good to resist,â you murmured, placing a soft kiss on his collarbone.
He blushed, his friends laughing and teasing him. âAre you serious right now?â Jake whispered, though his grin betrayed his embarrassment.
âCompletely,â you said, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. âYouâre mine, and I can do what I want.â
Jake just shook his head, a warm smile spreading across his face as he pulled you in tighter.
SUNGHOON \ ěąí
âAgain?â Sunghoon said with a smirk as you wrapped your arms around him from behind, your nose pressed to the crook of his neck.
âCanât help it,â you mumbled against his skin. The crisp, clean scent of his cologne mixed with the faint chill from his skating practice made your heart flutter.
âYouâre obsessed,â he teased, turning around to face you.
âMaybe I am,â you admitted, brushing your lips lightly over his jaw. âYou complaining?â
âNot at all,â he said, leaning down to kiss you properly, his hands gently resting on your hips. âBut donât blame me if I start expecting this all the time.â
SUNOO \ ě ě°
Sunoo was fixing his hair in the mirror when you came up behind him and hugged him tightly, your head resting on his shoulder.
âYou smell so good,â you sighed contentedly, nuzzling against him.
âOf course I do,â he said with a playful grin. âI work hard to stay flawless, you know.â
âStop being cocky and let me love you,â you said, pressing a kiss to his neck.
He laughed, turning to wrap his arms around you. âYouâre lucky youâre cute,â he said, tilting his head down to give you a soft kiss.
JUNGWON \ ě ě
Jungwon was sprawled out on the couch when you crawled up beside him, resting your head on his chest. You couldnât resist leaning up to nuzzle against his neck, inhaling the light floral scent he always carried.
âYou really love doing this, huh?â he asked, amusement in his tone.
âYup,â you said simply, placing a quick kiss on his jaw.
âYouâre like a little koala,â he teased, pulling you closer. âNot that Iâm complaining.â
âWell, koalas are cute,â you said, leaving another kiss just under his ear.
Jungwon smiled, his eyes soft as he looked down at you. âSo are you.â
RIKI \ ëí¤
âY/n, what are you doing?â Ni-ki asked, trying to keep a straight face as you practically climbed into his lap to hug him.
âYou smell so nice,â you said, completely ignoring his protest and pressing a kiss to his neck.
âOkay, but Iâm literally just wearing the same hoodie as yesterday,â he said, trying to act nonchalant but clearly flustered.
âItâs you. Thatâs why it smells good,â you said with a grin, leaving another kiss against his collarbone.
Ni-ki sighed dramatically but wrapped his arms around you. âFine, but if youâre gonna keep kissing me, you canât stop now.â
#࣪ đ ŕ¨ŕ§ âđ â MADEWiTHLOVE.#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#yang jungwon x reader#lee heesung x reader#jay park x reader#jake sim x reader#park sunghoon x reader#kim sunoo x reader#ni ki x reader
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Sprinkles of Luck & Doubt
Hockey!Azriel x Ice Skater!Reader
Summary:Â Anon Req: Do you think hockey!Azriel would sneak into the girls locker room/showers just to see figure skating reader? đ
Warnings: Light sexual themes, angst
Word Count: 1752
Other Fics in the Hockey!Az AU: Penance, Shut Out, Out of Order, All's Well That Ends Well, Brr-eakdown Shots & Spins
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âWhat theââ
Your shriek is abruptly cut off when a palm lies flat across your mouth. Your heart hammers into your chest as you react, hands clamping down on the thick forearm that feels nothing like a womanâs, which is concerning considering youâre standing in the middle of the shower, soaking wet, in the womenâs locker room.
âEasy, sweetheart,â a voice you know all too well purrs in your ear. You go lax against the body behind you, shutting your eyes and trying to regain some semblance of a normal heart rate when his hand slips away from your mouth. He plants it on your hip, and his touch alone only sets your heart into a stampede again.
âWhat are you doing here?â you whisper, mustering up the strength to scold Azriel when you turn to face him instead of sidling right up into his side and giving into every ounce of pleasure that him sneaking into the womenâs showers with you brings.
âI needed to say goodbye to you before we leave for Briarwood,â he answers, and the way that he said he needs to say goodbye is not lost on you. It makes your stomach twist and your heart beat happily in your chest, your cunt perking up at the words.
âAnd that couldnât have waited until I got out of the shower?â
His hazel eyes peruse your body in a slow trail, drinking you in like youâre his prey. His pupils dilate with arousal, and Azriel shifts on his feet as his cock begins to fill. If he doesnât stop looking, heâs going to have the worst case of blue balls on the bus, and his teammates might not pick up on why heâs being so stiff since heâs normally a silent, brooding guy before big games, but he knows that Cassian and Rhys will clock him the second he steps foot onto the bus.
âCouldnât pass up the opportunity to see you in my favorite outfit of yours,â he smirks, trailing the tips of his fingers up your sides. You shiver, near violently, clenching your thighs together when his thumbs brush over your nipples.
Your eyes flutter shut at the sensations zipping up your spine. You lean into Azriel, fingers fisting into his black t-shirt, uncaring that youâre getting his clothes all wet. He doesnât care either, especially when he bends down into the onslaught of water to capture your lips against his own.
âYouâre all wet,â you protest when you finally part, blushing red hot when he winks at you.
âCanât be as wet as you, sweetheart,â Azriel jokes, but his cock is rock fucking hard. This was a terrible idea, in theory, to sneak into the womenâs locker room and even more so to slip into the shower with you when he has only minutes before the bus leaves. But he couldnât help himself, couldnât not see you one more time before the tournament this weekend. He needed a kiss from his good luck charm. Needs much more than that, if heâs being honest with himself, but he doesnât have the time.
âHa ha,â you laugh drily, flicking water at him. âJust remember that while Iâm here under the warm water with itâs perfect pressure,â you tease, fluttering your lashes at him when his eyes grow dark. To frustrate Azriel further, you slide your hands down your body, following the water cascading across your skin, right between your thighs. Azriel follows the movement with a wild look in his eyes that makes you want to back away, make you want him to chase you, touch you until you canât stand, canât see straight. The muscles of your legs twitch in agreement. âAnd youâre sitting on the bus with your hands in your lap, wishing you were between my legs instead of in your hand.â
Azriel growls softly and it goes straight to your core. It takes all your effort to turn away from him and plant yourself fully under the spray, slicking your hair back and shimmying your hips for affect.
âYou are so getting punished when I get back, sweetheart.â
âWhat?â You whirl around, completely unprepared for him to be only inches away. You gasp and lose your footing, but Azrielâs already wrapping an arm around your waist and hauling you into his body. His cock strains against his pants, and the jeans heâs wearing only increase the sensations of his body against yours, rubbing across your sensitive, flushed skin. âYouâre the one that started this mess, I should be punishing you!â
His hazel eyes glow at the prospect, a challenge. He dips his chin, his words fanning across your lips as he speaks. âDo you want to punish me, sweetheart?â
No, you want to drop to the tiles and suck him down your throat, no matter how much your knee might protest. You want to see his cock, touch it, taste it, feel it, but you know he wonât let you. Not right now.
Itâs going to be a long and lonely weekend without Azriel here. And now that youâve seen his cock, had the immense pleasure of having it inside of you, you know that the sad vibrator in your bedside table back at the dorms will in no way compare to the man with his arms wrapped around you.
On the other hand, you could see yourself stripping him bare, climbing over his lap and teasing his cock with your soaked cunt in punishment for the teasing. With him gone all weekend, there will be ample time for thinking up ways to tease him until heâs begging for you. You think youâd like to see that, Azriel whimpering and pleading for you to ride his cock. It would be a nice change from you always being the one worked up until there are tears in your eyes.
âEarth to sweetheart,â Azrielâs gruff voice draws you back to the present. You didnât even realize you were grinding up against him, your breaths sharp and quick until you remember where you are, who youâre with, and what youâre doing.
You blink, feeling your chest flush when you meet Azrielâs gaze. His eyes are heady with lust, mouth set in a firm line because heâs trying to hold back the grunts and groans that threaten to slip form his throat. He doesnât want to get caught, no matter how much he likes how youâre dry humping him.
Maybe he can sneak you with. Surely, coach wonât notice an extra body on the bus. Of course, thatâs a lie. Nothing gets passed him. But maybe Azriel can convince you to drive down, and he can sneak you into his room for a little pre-game good luck romp in his bed. Yes, that might work. If he can get Rhys and Cass to leave him alone in the room for more than thirty minutes.
âSorry,â you respond softly, trying to pry yourself away from him. Youâre embarrassed that you lost yourself in a daydream right in front of Azriel and wanted more, but his hands are gripping you tighter, squeezing you closely to his chest.
âLook at me,â Azriel demands when you refuse to meet his gaze. Youâre hot with embarrassment, and the water pouring down your back isnât helping. Your name is a soft-spoken warning on his tongue, like if you donât look up, youâll be the one thatâs getting punished instead.
You can get on board with that, but realization strikes as loud as the giggling of girls on the other side of the curtain does. Youâre in the womenâs locker room with a boy whoâs not supposed to be in here, and heâs supposed to be on a bus leaving for the beach town on the coast to defend their undefeated season against the Sparrows.
You peek up at Azriel, melting under his tender gaze. Your heart pounds hard in your chest, so much to the point that it hurts. How heâs so easily able to calm you, to make you feel better with a single glance, probably means that youâre in way too deep with him. You shouldâve been more cautious.
âDonât be sorry,â he continues, his thumb stroking a soothing pattern across your hip. It lights you on fire, that touch, leaves you craving more. Azrielâs grin is crooked. âI like it when you want me.â
âI want you all the time,â you breathe like some panting girl. Why canât you stop admitting things like this around him? Youâre going to scare him off.
His eyes glitter, and at least you can take relief in the fact that he wants you back, might just want you like you want him.
âI want you all of the time too,â he says against your mouth, because heâs barely grasping onto his self-control by a thread. He kissed you like youâre the missing piece of him, and you allow yourself to fall into it too, brushing your tongue against his. Everything goes out the window when heâs with you; schooling, hockey, everything. Thereâs a twist in his stomach at the thought of that, that he shouldnât be putting all his eggs in one basket with you, shouldnât be letting you distract him like this when thereâs so much pressure on his shoulders this yearâŚ
You feel it in the way his body locks. Itâs quick, but itâs there, and the clapping of flip-flops on the wet tile stomping into the shower beside yours is the perfect excuse for him to pull away.
You donât know why, but the way he avoids your gaze has you shrinking back under the spray and covering your body with your hands. You donât know what just happened, to make Azriel go from doting and attentive to closed off and dare you say shy within a nanosecond. It couldnât have been your admission, because he responded just the same.
You donât get the chance to find out because heâs peering at you from under his thick, dark lashes, offering you a soft, sad smile, and parting with a quiet goodbye that feels more like a breakup than a see you next week.
âIâll be seeing you, sweetheartâŚâ He trails off, and it feels like a lie, even more so when he slips past the curtain of your shower without a look back.
Itâs funny, that you can trick yourself into thinking youâre not crying when your tears mix with the water from the shower head thatâs long gone cold.
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Azriel Hockey!AU Tags:
@whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @going-through-shit @crazylokonugget @lilah-asteria @girl-who-writes-stuff @moosemahboi @sherayuki @lyinginameadow @acourtofatboydreams @blackthorngirl @shadowsingercassia @evergreenlark @hannzoaks @bloodicka @whyshouldihaveanam3 @elle4404 @cherry-cin @quinzzelx @i-am-infinite @feeriqueivre @blightyblinders @kennedy-brooke @nyxbranwenn @dee-writes-smut @konaanaria13
#acotar#azsazz#acomaf#azriel#azriel x reader#acowar#azriel/reader#hockey!azriel#acotar hockey au#azriel au#azriel shadowsinger
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