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nightswithkookmin · 2 years ago

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I love Hobi, God knows I do and he is enlisting soon. I get that. Me is ot7 anyday of the week. But here lies my issue;

FACE lasted on there 👇🏽 for all of 2 minutes

Then look how close their release dates are.

Members so far have gotten to promote their shit with no interruptions but Jimin has to share the limelight❓❓❓ For whatever reason. And people are gonna keep yapping about how he's the company's favorite? Ain't no such thing man, Fuck outta here!

I'm on pills and that's not even working

First off, I think two things can be true at once. Jm could be hybe's favorite idol and still get screwed up by hybe💀

Ain't nobody following the script like Park Jimin, ain't nobody fetching them coins and attention like Park Jimin. He's the korean IT Boy brand reputation king. Hybe's gotta love him and if they don't fuck them. They ain't shit anyways😌

This whole shmelly business has me between rocky and palm face won't lie. And any comment I make on this will fetch me some heat but here goes nothing. On one hand I love me some healthy idol competition up in BAngtan to see who outsells who and who out performs who- makes for quality entertainment if you ask me.

but on the other hand, I just hate blatant injustices and this right here is the mother of all injustices. It's just atrocious and wrong. It's not really a fair competition if some have more resources, more exposure and more corporate support now is it?

What is good for the goose is good for the gander and I'm just not seeing the fair equitable distribution of company resources on this one. Hybe needs to wash their ass with soap. It stinks from all the shitting they be shitting out here.

It's one thing if they are doing it on purpose but if all this is just one big coincidence as a result of their lack of thoughtfulness and awareness in handing these boys' marketing then I'm sorry someone needs to get skinned up in there. Yea I said it. Off with their heads.

Knowing hybe it's either they think JM has enough organic traction to sell on his own- matter fact, when it comes to the maknae line vs the hyung line this is very often the approach but we don't talk about that💀

I remember they did the same thing around the time of covid right before BTS announced they were going solo. I remember ranting about how they were deliberately sabotaging BTS to promote the other brands under hybe.

It's not uncommon for hybe to use the influence, reach and relevance of one brand to cross promote another. Yall recieved the weird notifications from certain brands on Weverse?

Whe it comes to the hyung line, the company goes a little bit hard and extra each time and they often do this with the members they think are least likely to perform in terms of numbers.

However, this time around, I think it has something to do with the enrollment list? Don't know, could be wrong. The thought that JM or Namjoon is next after Hobi makes me sick to the tummy and I hope I'm wrong 😭😭😭

I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they going off of the enlistment list and need to do whatever they can for Hobi before he leaves.

Besides, I think If they were to treat the members equally and not equitably, I'm afraid some members wouldn't do as well- phpah pah paw. Gunshots😭😭

I know they think Jimin has the numbers, and he will do great in spite of these hurdles- but see, that's how we lose. THATS HOW WE FUCKING LOSE when everyone stops pushing cos they think this is an easy win!

I've seen Bangtan lose and come close to losing awards because of mentalities like this for me to sit quietly and watch it happen to Park Jimin. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

But then i also dont see him as competing against the hyung line you know? What are they competing for? Those two have totally different audiences and need unique market approaches and strategies to reach them💀

And I'm not just talking about reaching just army.

I would be concerned if they started using the same promotional strategy of a rapper for a singer.

If anything, I think JMs competition is the Maknae line and probably Jin too as he is also part of the vocal line. Therefore I feel I don't have a yardstick to measure him against yet as neither Jungkook nor Tae's album has been released- right?

But wait till it's JK or Taehyung's turn and let me see different treatment out here- I DARE THEM

If hybe thinks they are just going to gloss over things and sweep JMs album debut under the rags then they have another thing coming. They should plant their feet on solid grounds cos I'm about yanking the ground from underneath them.

They are going to leave everything on the shoulder of the fans and then swoop in last minute to claim they did shit for the BOYS when things turn out great.

They should show me the budget they have for each members' promotional package. Let's start there. Cos that determines how and where each member gets promoted.

On the flip side, having those two contents out around the same time reduces promotion costs as such content tend to cross promote eachother. Face will definitely drive traffic to Hobi's content as will Hobi's content to Face.

Personally I wished they would release vminkook albums consecutively within a short span of eachother. People listening to face will be more likely to click on Jk's song and Tae's right after. It keeps the fans engaged, keeps the momentum going and keeps all three trending on the charts making it hard for an outsider to break the chain.

They could have done same for the hyung line too.

All this seem to lack direction and each day my non existent faith in hybe wanes.

I hope the end would justify the means. Hopefully. I'm gonna sit tightly out here and watch it all play out to the credits and then I will comment on it😌

Hybe brought them this far, I should at least hope they know what the hell they are doing. But if Face pays the price for their edgy endeavors then I shouldn't be held responsible for the hex I put on them.

It's funny how you say Jimin is about to share the limelight when he's actually about to eat Hobi up😭😭

Gotta run 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️

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spreadwardiard · 1 year ago

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Aaah an otp ask game that i decided to just... answer everything to. (Since i dont really get many asks 😅😅😅) Aaaanyway here are 20 questions about my Otp, Megatron and Orion Pax, specifically from the Two Sides to a Coin AU i been working on with @lets-try-some-writing.

I literally adore these two and their dynamic so much. I just have so many feelings about the two of them, hope yall enjoy this little exercise.

1. What's the biggest wish the members of your otp have for the other? Is it a wish that could come true? Do they actively work towards it?

Orion Pax wishes that his lover would be seen as a respectable mech in every day society. He wants Megatron to be able to find employment should he want to. He wants his voice to be heard. He wants Megatron to be able to access everything Orion feels he is entitled to.. He also knows that this wish is an uphill battle after the war. Too many believe the official lies told about why the war started so quickly and with such brutality. Orion has been working diligently to expose these truths, even though he knows deep down that Cybertron will never trust Megatron and most will see only a monster.

As for Megatron, what he wants for Orion is for him to be able to heal from the trauma inflicted on him by the war and his entrapment behind the Matrix. This is why he tolerates Ratchet's mistreatment of Orion, because without Ratchet's expertise, his mate would still be mostly withdrawn into himself and lashing out at everyone like a wild animal, instead of just causing hell for the Council.

2. How comfortable are the members of your otp around each other? Do they care about keeping up appearances? Would they care if the other(s) saw them groggy, undressed, without makeup, etc.?

They are both COMPLETELY comfortable around each other to the point neither have any shame when they are alone. Both of them think nothing of walking around their hab with panels popped open from earlier tangles of passion (poor Hush). They have seen each other at some of their lowest points, so superficial things like grogginess or being dressed just aren't concerns to them.

3. If your otp were stuck in an elevator/other cramped space with not much to do, how would they pass the time?

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) this is easy. They would do each other to pass the time once conversation inevitably falls to flirting, and their proximity combined with being alone makes touching irresistible.

4. After a bad day, what would each member of your otp do to cheer the other up?

Depends on the type of bad day, but if Orion has a bad day at work, Megatron will spend extra time doting on him once he gets home from work. He will prepare Orion’s energon with extra care for flavor and consistency, making sure it is just the way he likes it. He will listen intently as Orion complains about what has him troubled. Kisses and affectionate touches are doubled and it is not uncommon for Megatron to pull a frustrated from work Orion Pax into his lap for a good long snuggle.

If Orion has a bad day in the sense of his mental health, Megatron will call Ratchet for Orion to request medication or advice (even tho he hates that fragger). He will make a point to stay in whatever room Orion chooses to spend the day as much as possible, to bathe him in his field, constantly pouring love and reassurance at him. If Orion is unable to leave the berth, Megatron will big spoon him, and whisper poetics in his audials

If Megatron has a bad day, Orion Pax goes into full devotion mode. He will pamper his champion by waxing his plating, soothing any aches and pains by dipping his digits into transformation seams and under plating to massage or untangle over stressed wires and components. He will prep Megatron's fuels with just as much care as Megatron does for him, and if that fails to comfort him, Orion will unleash his field and wrap him up in his full devotion.

Both of them will read aloud to the other as a means of comfort, as well as engage in what may appear to be heated arguments, but are in fact, simply debates or discussions they are using to blow off steam with each other.

5. What's your otp's ideal vision of the future? What would they want to happen? Where would they want to live?

Orion wants to go home to Kaon with Megatron in the future, away from what he considers to be the oppressive Iaconian etiquette standards (and Optimus Prime). He wishes to have a modest hab with a large garden where he can grow as many crystals as he wants. He wants to expand the Hall of Records to have branches in each major city, both to aid the mechs living in those regions, but also so he may retain his job as head Archivist no matter where he chooses to live. Orion wants to stand at Megatron’s side every day for the rest of his life, and wants to do all he can to help Megatron see the Cybertron he dreams of, He hopes to one day raise many sparklings with Megatron, who he knows will make as good a sire as he does a conjunx. but above all else, Orion just wants to be with Megatron. Everything else is secondary. This is his most selfish desire for the future. He would literally give up everything else just to stay at Megatron’s side.

Megatron also is homesick for Kaon after living so long in New Iacon, but is mostly happy as long as Orion remains at his side. He has hopes that Optimus and Ratchet will pull their helms out of their afts and fix the many problems that both he and Orion have been bringing up to the Council and citizens but honestly has doubts their concerns are being heard with any deal of seriousness. He wants a truly free Cybertron, one where former Decepticons can live alongside former Autobots in peace. He wants those of living in the sublevels to have the same access to public services as those on the surface. He wants a true end to functionalism and the idea that frametype has anything to do with intelligence or personality. Megatron wanted originally to forge a better Cybertron for all citizens and he STILL holds on to that original ideal he had before he fell into madness. He is not keen on the idea of sparklings, as he does not think he would be a suitable sire for anyone, and he fears that being tied to him would make any sparkling's life more difficult just by association.

6. If your otp went on a holiday, what would they pack? What would they definitely forget? How would one react to the other forgetting that thing?

Orion would pack things for them to read while they’re relaxing. Holiday is meant for downtime and that is what Orion will plan for. Datapads, a comfortable thermoplastic sheet, his medications and some of his favorite snacks. Megatron is much the same, and would pack to relax. He would pack items such as a cleaning cloth, plating polish, his writing materials, as much shanix as he thinks they will need, and then a bit more for good measure. Neither of them would think to bring an itinerary. They are so focused on relaxing that they simply forget to make actual plans at their destination, both relying on the other to do so. However, upon discovery of this the two of them simply laugh it off, this is so typical of them, and enjoy their time moseying about near their hotel and just spending time together.

7. Your otp has to spend some time apart for whatever reason. How would they bridge that time? How would they react upon seeing each other again? Would anything change?

This is a good one. These two are so very codependent on each other. Their forced separation during the war has left deep scars on both of them that leaves them both anxious when they are apart, even for normal daily life, however, it is actually Orion who is better at coping with separation. Their bond runs deep, they can feel each other’s emotions quite clearly through it and Megatron is always monitoring Orion’s emotions when they are apart. He could not feel it at all during the war and now is hyperaware of everything Orion is feeling and any blip or change in those emotions puts him on alert. He worries for his Archivist when he cannot be there to protect him or help him should he need it, because his failure before the war led to Orion being taken and locked away. The further away Orion is, the stronger his anxiety, because he cannot get to him as quickly if he’s needed. It is not uncommon for him to private comm Orion (either voice or text) to ease his anxieties that Orion is okay. This is just a normal workday, if Orion was called off on a mission I do not think he would cope well, He would demand he come along, with many prefabricated excuses as to why he needs to be there, even though he knows Orion knows the truth of the matter.

Orion also suffers anxiety at separation, but the medications he takes to help manage his field disruptions act as a bit of a dampener in this respect. He misses his conjunx terribly while they are apart, but it doesn’t eat at his spark as harshly as it does Megatron. He too frequently comms when he feels Megatron’s emotions dip too far, but he always allows time for Megatron to course correct his emotions himself before reaching out, though he often does comm over interesting things he learns while working as well. Orion would be much more comfortable with the idea of a short separation, but still would not be pleased by it.

Upon any reunion between the two, they embrace as closely and as tightly as they can, both with arms and with their fields. They tell each other how much they missed each other and almost always share a brief romantic moment of gazing into each other’s optics before kissing, and nuzzling each others faces. A long separation would make this small ritual of theirs last much longer is all, and afterwards they would be extra touchy and there would be an entire day of them just sitting nearly on top of each other because they missed each other’s touch so much.

8. One part of your otp found out they didn't have much time left to live. How would they react? Would they tell the other? Would they spend every last second together or would they withdraw to soften the blow?

Both of them would be completely honest with the other about their impending deaths. Honesty was something they swore to each other at the very start of their union. Both would spend every last second with the other until the very end, no matter how badly it hurt. They promised each other eternity and meant it.

If Megatron were the one to die, Orion Pax would first completely retreat into himself. He would hear no one speaking to him, nor even see them standing in front of him, and his field would flare wildly with his inner grief and anguish. He would be truly spark broken, and likely would not survive long after Megatron died,

If Orion were the one who died, Megatron would be absolutely devastated, but because he has so many dreams independent of Orion, he still has something to live for. He would pour all his grief into his dreams of a better Cybertron, one that truly is free, and yes, he would fight for it again if he has to. He would endure with the hope that Orion’s belief in reincarnation was true and that someday they would be reunited once more.

9. What annoys each member of your otp about the other? Do they tell them? Do they compromise/work it out?

Megatron thinks Orion is a selfish, insufferable little glitch and will tell him so, right to his face. Honesty, after all, but he also is sure to tell Orion that he would not have him any other way. Megatron also finds it annoying that Orion refuses to see the truth: that Ratchet is NOT his friend, and hasn’t been for a long time. He tells him that too, and Orion resists it because he has hope that their friendship is strong enough to overcome this, even though deep down he knows Megatron is right. Orion finds it annoying that Megatron frequently loses his place in his datapads and he has to search for where he left off, but this inconvenience hasn’t been something he’s felt the need to speak up about yet, and once he does, Megatron will likely solve the problem.

10. If your otp had met at a different point in time/their lives, what would change? Would they still end up together?

If they met up earlier than they did, they absolutely would have ended up together and their bond would have been even stronger during the war. Had they met up much later, they maybe wouldn’t have had time to form a romantic bond, which would have greatly influenced Orion’s reaction to being given to the Matrix. Without Megatron’s influence to be more selfish and do things for himself because he wants to, he would have most certainly rolled over for the Matrix and accepted his role with little fuss, though he would have still suffered the loss of his life, he likely would never have lashed out violently.

11. What is your otp's most special moment? If they could travel back in time to relive it, would they? Would they change anything?

Their bonding rite, when they (unofficially, in the optics of the government) conjunxed themselves. Orion had been courting Megatron for over a vorn before Megatron decided it was enough. He took Orion deep into a defunct mine below the gladiatorial arena to a natural chamber full of giant, glowing crystals that were useless to harvest but gorgeous to look at. It was there he and Orion first engraved, painted and laid official claims on each other’s sparks and frames. It was also here they first committed an act of blasphemy: consuming energon drawn from each other’s spark chambers, an act that only served to tie them even closer together. The only thing they would change if they could go back would be that they would proudly show off their claims to the world, instead of hiding them away to avoid their illegal bond harming their cause.

12. Was/is it difficult for the members of your otp to realise their feelings? Were they okay with those feelings or were they in denial?

Megatron knew long before Orion did that he was in love. He knew as soon as he agreed to pop his panels for Orion the first time that he had to be helm over pede in love to seriously consider something so taboo as interfacing with Trion’s prized pupil, Orion was practically an untouchable due to his association with the Head Archivist. But Orion came to him to express his newfound selfishness, and he couldn’t find it in his spark to deny him what he had specifically told him to seek out; what he really wanted. If that was a few experimental interfaces and surface level merges, he was happy to oblige. But when it came down to things getting serious??? He rebuffed Orion’s attempts at courtship several times. He believed that Orion would be destroyed by his way of life, but he was only delaying the inevitable.

Orion, however, did not realize he was in love until it literally slapped him in his face. He and Megatron had been ‘fooling around’ a little with each other but no feelings were attached, or so he thought. It was simply a matter of Megatron helping him learn to be more selfish, until it wasn’t that anymore. Megatron standing up for him to his Sire awoke a deep realization that he wanted so much more from the Champion of Kaon than he originally thought. Though Megatron turned down his courtship several times, he still insisted that Orion pursue the things he wanted in life, including himself. When Megatron finally agreed, their relationship ignited like an inferno

13. If your otp moved in together, what would their home look like? What would be each member's touch? Would they argue over it?

They have lived together. They prefer habs with less rooms and more space to accommodate Megatron’s larger frame size. Both habs they have lived in post war had high ceilings, wide and tall door frames and large living spaces. For the same reason, they prefer large pieces of furniture to accommodate Megatron. Orion likes the extra floor space, it gives him plenty of space to plop down and spread out his work all around him

Orion is not much concerned with the way the hab looks as much as he is how it functions. He likes to have plenty of niches and cubbies to stash things as he sees fit, However, he never forgets where he puts anything, no matter how nonsensical it seems. If he were in control, the hab would be completely full of shelves stocked with datapads from any and all subjects Orion or Megatron found interesting as a means of lining the walls rather than actually decorating. As it is now his collection of datapads is organized in a manner that only Orion himself understands. However, he does have a few things he likes to display, such as his favorite rocks from his collection, a framed transcript of the first speech of Megatron’s he ever heard, his potted crystal and the crystal shard he has yet to plant that Megatron gave him during their reforging rites.

Megatron on the other hand, while eccentric in his style, does indeed like to have some decor in his hab. He enjoys mixing bold colors and differing styles together to get something he feels matches both himself and Orion. He has many pieces of Kaoni and Decepticon artworks, both paintings and sculptures, that he displays in their berthroom, where he spends most of his time. He keeps Orion's urge to horde datapads in check, by allowing him limited spaces to store them. Orion is secretly grateful for this. They have little reason to argue over it, their habits suit each other perfectly.

14. What is something that would break up your otp? How high is the chance of it actually happening?

I am unsure if anything would make Orion want to break up with Megatron. He already has forgiven murder, plague, madness, the destruction of cybertron, the maiming of his sparkling and so much more. As for Megatron, he would have broken up with Orion for sure if he’d taken the Matrix willingly, but he didn’t. The likelihood of them breaking up is practically 0 at this point.

15. If one member of your otp could only experience the other with one sense (sight, touch, hearing, taste, smell, fantasy senses, etc), which one would they choose? Would they find a way to work around the issue?

They both would choose touch in this scenario. They went so long without being able to touch one another that neither of them ever want to go through that again. Though hearing is a close second for Orion, because he loves Megatron’s poetry almost as much as he loves the mech himself, cheese and all.

16. If one member of your otp committed a serious crime, how would the other react? Would they forgive? Help cover it up? Go to the police?

Lol. Orion’s already aided Megatron in various serious crimes, including during the war while he was fighting denta and claw to keep him and his soldiers alive. Even pre war, Orion aided Megatron in committing various crimes, by means of delivering him information necessary to do so. Orion may not be capable of pulling the trigger himself, but he is more than happy to supply the ammo, if you catch my drift.

Megatron absolutely would help Orion hide a body. After all the scrap Orion has done for him, the least he can do is not ask questions.

17. If one member of your otp had an accident and was left with a permanent disability (Paralysed, missing limb, lost senses, etc.) how would they both deal with that? Would they cope? Would that be too much for them?

Orion is disabled now. His field management disorder is a disability that will probably be permanent. It is the main reason Orion holds it in so close, because he cannot filter its strength and it is painfully powerful when he is feeling negatively and incredibly overwhelming if he is feeling positively. He no longer has access to an entire layer of communication used by his people, and tries to make up for it by loading his speech with subglyphs to make sure he’s understood properly. Megatron suffers the brunt of Orion’s painful field attacks with little complaint, other than it hurts. He is honest about that, every time Orion asks, and it will never be too much for him and he also has no qualms with telling Orion how much he loves the nearly overwhelming weight of his field all around him when they are being intimate. They are quite happy together.

If Megatron were to become disabled, it would be difficult to adjust to, in the sense that Orion would find his work/home life more challenging to juggle, but he WOULD find a way to make it work. He would also be honest with Megatron about how difficult it is to maintain, but their love absolutely would see them through it until the perfect balance was struck. Orion is just as devoted to Megatron as Megatron is to him. It would be a difficult adjustment, but in the end they still would be quite happy together.

18. What are the small gestures with which your otp says 'I love you'? Are those daily rituals? Is the other aware of the intention behind those gestures?

They have so many little rituals they do to express love to each other. One I mentioned already, their daily embrace when Orion returns home from work. In the mornings, Megatron always helps Orion prepare for the day, polishing and cleaning him up so he looks as respectable as possible. In the evenings before recharge, they cuddle up together either in berth or on the sofa and read to each other. They express their love often through physical touch, both small brushes against each other to outright grabbing each other for kisses or embraces, each touch is a declaration of their love for each other and they both understand that.

19. Is the approval of family and friends important to your otp? If so, how would they try to win over a skeptical in-law? Would they cut people off if they didn't approve of the relationship?

Complete honesty: they dont give a frag. The odds were stacked against them from the very beginning on this one. Orion knew that none of his friends or his sire would ever approve an illegal intercaste union with a mech like Megatron. So he hid it until he had no choice but to reveal their involvement with each other While the disapproval hurts, he would rather cling to the few mechs he considers to be his loved ones rather than cut them out.

As for Megatron, the only mech who's opinion he truly cared about was Soundwave, and Soundwave was the one who taught Orion Kaoni and gladiatorial courting practices so that he could pursue Megatron properly. Soundwave shipped them before they even knew they were attracted to each other.

20. How tolerant is your otp of each member's ex(es)? Do they care? Do they get jealous when the topic comes up? If they're still in touch with their ex(es), how does the other feel about that?

Orion has no exes. Megatron was his first. However that doesn't stop Megatron from wanting to tear Ratchet apart as if he were an ex. Ratchet is one of the only few mechs Megatron truly sees as a threat to his claim, even though he knows Orion isn’t interested in anyone else. He does not believe that Ratchet was never interested in Orion and this is entirely Ratchet's fault for using his close friendship with Orion to get under Megatron’s skin.

Megatron does have exes, but most of them are long dead and the few that are not, Orion has never even met, and so has no concern over. Even if a jealous ex was to return, Orion would not be worried. He trusts their bond and their love with all his spark and knows Megatron would not allow anyone to attempt to seduce him away from him, but if they were to try, they would have to go through a very possessive Archivist Pax first. He is not threatened by the idea of an ex showing up, but if he feels his claim is being blatantly disrespected, he will not hesitate to lash out about it.

#spreadwardiardthoughts #megop #megaop #orion pax #megatron #two sides to a coin au #tfp megop #tfp orion pax #tfp megaop #megatronus #headcanon #fanfic au #otp thoughts

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mushibashiraas · 2 years ago

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🛒 I JUSR REALIZED HOW AWFUL AND ROBOTIC I SOUNDFJDJDJ LIKE. i come back after posting the ruggie fic and redoing my theme only to drop a to do list and dip againdjsjdjs ah. uh.

so life update ig? eh. i can talk more about my chronic migraines too since the life update is mainly about themfjdjdj oops. BUCKLE TF UP BC THIS'LL BE LONG (still dont know how to add the "more under the cut" thing on mobile tumblr. too lazy to get out my laptop)

this whole week has been insane! context: my migraines are triggered by bright light, loud sounds, motion-sickness-games (i.e. genshin, Identity V, etc.), weather pressure changes, rainy days/nights, storms, and dramatic temperature fluctuations..... but mainly the last four.

anyway. this week had the first and the second triggers. (and towards the end of this week is supposed to have the last trigger. yay!) one of the things that happens (IF i push myself to power through and "stay conscious" — more on that in a bit) is that i faint. like. not "faint for a couple minutes." nahhhh! i go out for like 10-40 minutes; normally the max is 20. but occasionally, a 40 minute episode'll occur and those are the scary ones.

on tuesday, i had a doctor appointment with my cardiologist pertaining to said migraines and fainting. while waiting to check in, i passed out and fell (i was standing at the time). and the staff and nurses were worried i hit my head so they called for an ambulance to drive me across the street to the hospital ER. i was there all afternoon and almost all night. i finally went home at 11pm. i'll spare yall of the more personal details (what tests were done, the overall experience, etc). all i'll say is that there's a reason why i hate hospitals and needles.

but the visit was long and tedious and terrifying and painful. i cried several times, as well as fainted a few more times between when i came to just as the paramedics arrived and a little after the technicians performed EKGs, etc. [like they usually do whenever someone is first admitted to the ER]. those fainting episodes were only a few minutes tho. not long at all. don't worry!

*sighs* anyway. that visit defined my entire week tho bc i ended up missing a day of work on thursday and a korean language class on wednesday. still felt the usual symptoms (most likely the aftermath) like dizziness, nausea, a heavy, sluggish feeling, soreness/headaches, loss of eyesight, etc.

hope this explanation helps??? i'll get back to writing and gaming soon. aaaaa i have a guaranteed yelan to get ready for anyway. heehee

EDIT: i forgot to add that yall shouldnt worry too much! sorry if i scared yall! these migraines and fainting episodes aren't manageable yet. even tho i can go to work sometimes, i cant drive, take horseback riding lessons (i used to take them), and go to/continue college,,,, i've had them since 2013?? 2014?? and am on medication for them as well as going to a neurologist and cardiologist who are both monitoring my condition and trying to help me and get them manageable so i can do all the aforementioned things i said i can't do.

also, it's not as uncommon as i seem to make it to be. several celebrities (look up Ben Affleck migraines) have chronic migraines, as well as several families/people/co-workers also have or have dealt with chronic migraines and passing out due to them. my own mom and older brother — altho they aren't biologically related to me — also have bad/chronic migraines. my family actually make jokes about my migraines and say i'm a walking barometer lol if anyone lives in the northeastern U.S. text me and check if a storm is coming. lol i can most likely tell you; if i migraine than yes. if i don't than no. lol /j but all jokes aside,,, again. don't worry too much for me. ok? i'm still functioning even if it's at low-HP/hu tao levels (a little genshin/gamer joke/comparison for yall). i'm still shino/em, someone who is so in love with jamil and xiao and rindou that they'll devote all their time and resources to taking care of them. heehee! ❤️❤️

#shino & 🚑.#REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES PLS!#🥺

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thefictionshelf · 3 years ago

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yt authors stop describing white/southern European character's skin as olive challenge

#i don't think yall know what that colour looks like i rlly dont #it's medium light at lightest #yea in no world is that a white person just please stop #i cannot tell u how many characters i have assumed to be ppl of colour because of that descriptor specifically latine bc they'll have like #spanish-y names #and then theyll actually just be spanish.. and like okay ig damn #as much as ilt the most famous offenders are probably nico di angelo and katniss everdeen #but honestly the phenomenon is so prolific that im not even rlly mad about any specific instance #at this point olive is a better sign of a character being white than shit like pale #cause that can be east asians or indigenous ppl or caucasians (yes that's different than white look up the history of the word)#but olive!! now that's a whitey babey #i would say that it's a better sign than white #but i honestly cant recall the last time i read that descriptor #like it happens #but kinda uncommon #and i genuinely don't think ive ever read white as a racial descriptor ( not just skin colour) outside of like. books VERY MUCH about race #despite the fact that ive def heard like black/red etc #which... something about yt authors not making use of the word white but taking to word olive #its a microaggression innit

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xumoonhao · 4 years ago

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just when did people decide it was okay in any way to police the way people identify themselves? like i hate to be the one to say this, but i can promise you that the 14 year old on this site using a term youve never heard of to describe their specific experience with gender identity/sexuality is not the fucking enemy. like theyre not. hell, no one using obscure terms is the enemy! we're all just trying to figure ourselves out; trying to manoeuvre in a very cis-het society that makes it hard for even the people who know with 100% certainty where their sexuality or gender lies. get off your damn soapbox and stop preaching to people just trying to figure themselves out; we're all on the same side here.

#also. this does NOT extend to ppl on the internet slapping lgbtq+ ~exclusive~ terms to people not in the community. i.e #pedophiles/'super straights'/or w/e bullshit people will come up with in the future to try to shove their way into our spaces.#those ppl are Not what this is about. its not even close. those people are simply trying to infiltrate spaces bc they think theyre #entitled to belong somewhere where they so clearly are not welcome.#also. this doesnt apply to the ppl trying to cutify existing labels to make them more palatable to people.#our identities dont need to be easy to consume in order to be accepted!!! if you cant accept our sexualities/#ways of gender expressions then youre a problem. theres no exceptions. dont try to terms cute bc it makes YOU #more comfortable. our labels/terms arent for you to decide if theyre appropriate or not. bc guess what! if you aint lgbtq+#our terms arent for you! it wild i know since yall think everything applies to you but it doesnt. god.#this post is for the confused ppl throwing things at the metaphorical wall and seeing what sticks. trying out terms #and seeing what makes them feel comfortable bc i swear to god if i keep seeing ppl being like 'dont use this label for xyz' and its #just like a word or something uncommon them im going to fucking lose my mind #there are some exceptions - like pansexual (its biphobic) or demisexual (i think someone just made that up in a forum post #if i remember correctly) and i think there are some others but for the most part its all grey area that makes some people so #damn MAD for some reason and like it isnt that serious!!! young queer people have a hard time these days bc there are so #many labels these days!!! and social media in particular has made it almost normal to know everything abt yourself at even a young #age and thats where much of the problem is. at least thats what i think lmao #anyways...to round this out: respect young queer people and whatever identity they choose. let them change their label #as much as they feel they need to. and if youre an adult please for the love of GOD think before you make posts talking #about how to identify yourself. theres lots of young people on this website who will take your word as gospel. be responsible.#i think thats all...i hope this came out the way i wanted it to but im not always the best with getting my thoughts out </3 #anni.txt

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purecantarella · 3 years ago

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Need A Little Sweetness

happy yeji day my lovelies!! i hope you're all doing well and i know its been a hot minute since yall seen me but i am 90% that through this semester i died but here we are HAHAHAAH now lets celebrate this adorable little kitten's birthday, shall we? hwang yeji x reader disclaimer/s : none, this is floof. i dont think i even cursed, give her an award AHAHAHA

also this gif made my heart stop yall

You worked at a café, a rather popular one at that. It was often packed with tons of customers, men, women, and everything in between but you never batted an eye on it. It didn't really bother you as long as it didn't take away from your job.

You weren't blind to the fact that they all came for you.

The shop was crowded filled to the brim with customers, as it always was, while you manned the machines behind the counter while everyone made attempts to catch a glimpse of you. Flipping levers and filling cups with a big smile on your face, all of the people in line swooned over you.

"Macha Frappe for Jae...!" You called out through the rowdy crowd, the same smile etched onto your lips as the man walked up to the counter with a heavy flush. "Here you go, sir." You offered to his shaking hand.

"U-Uhm, I wanted to ask if..." You quirked a brow at him curiously, tilting your head to the side, kind eyes slowly urging him to finish his thought. Instead, he shook his head before quickly bolting out of the door. Your eyes widened but again, you didn't really pay it any mind, shrugging it off before returning to your duties.

"Y/n." The firm voice of your manager before he signaled for you to come to the back. Soft groans fell upon the lips of those waiting for their drinks. You giggled before turning to your manager, offering him your full attention with enthusiasm. "What's up, boss?"

"Look, you know how you took a leave last week?" He paused to gauge your reaction. When he saw you nod slowly, he smiled at you sheepishly. "Well we're going to need you to make up the hours you missed." As you opened your mouth to complain, the older man gave you a glare, warning you.

were a full-time student in college with no work experience and hardly cent to your name.

The day seemed to drag on longer than usual, minutes began feeling like hours, and you were there until closing time, midnight. More customers came and went, some of which made attempts to ask you out but you were simply not in the mood to deal with strangers being interested in you. It had just been a lot.

There stood a tall figure, her features almost completely covered by what she was wearing. You could tell she was an idol with her entire ensemble. But it wasn't uncommon especially at this time of night. At this point, it didn't really phase you.

"Good evening." You greeted with a tired smile.

"My managers haven't exactly had my best interest at heart." The idol noted while leaning up against the bar, her hand lifting her cup up to her lips. Your gaze trailed up to meet the woman's eyes, for the first time since the shift began, you pushed the textbook out of your hands.

The corners of your mouth pulled up slightly. A dry chuckle emitting from your throat before you gave Yeji your full attention. "I get that..." You trailed off, disappointment still evident in your eyes. The singer looked around the shop, little to no one was there.

It wasn't often it happened when you were on shift, but it wasn't impossible. "If I pay for another drink would you like to join me?" She asked with a soft, sweet smile.

You turned your head

"...Fine..." You muttered begrudgingly, before turning back around. "Smile, Y/n." He reminded in the same firm tone that filled you with so much anger and frustration.

Your manager had long monopolised on your popularity and politely encouraged you to take on more shifts because of it. As much as you'd like to leave instead, you begrudgingly stayed. After all, you were a full-time student in college with no work experience and hardly cent to your name.

As sun fell and the night washed over the sky, business slowed down a bit. The café was almost abandoned, you were the only one left to man the register and make the drinks, your manager had left you to close up.

To fill the empty time, you'd pulled out one of your textbooks, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes as you leaned against the counter for support. Your mind was no longer processing the heavy information you were being fed. A frustrated groan left your lips as the bell of the front door rang, and you shot up immediately.

"Good evening." You greeted with a tired smile.

"I'll take a dark roast, please. Thank you." She muttered, her voice sounding as worn out as you felt. You nodded quickly before setting the machine up. As you waited for it to heat up again, you looked at the young woman who stood in front of you.

You recognized her, she was one of those girls from Itzy. You didn't keep tabs on them but you did know their faces. Hers in particular, Hwang Yeji, was an absolute vision to you. You cleared your throat before speaking, a part of you curious about her presence so late. "It's not often I see idols at this time without their members or their managers..."

"My managers haven't exactly had my best interest at heart." She paused to fiddle with her fingers. "I guess I just wanted a break from them."

A dry chuckle emitting from your throat before you gave Yeji your full attention. "I get that..." You trailed off, disappointment still evident in your eyes. The singer looked around the shop, little to no one was there. "Whenever I pass, this place is usually booming. Slow night?" She asked curiously.

A soft humming behind you took your attention, alerting you that the machine was ready. You gave her a single nod before turning to make her order.

"It doesn't happen often but I suppose nothing is impossible..." You replied, sliding the coffee into the singer's hand. For a minute there's a lull in the conversation "If I order another drink would you like to join me?" She asked with a soft, sweet smile. You looked at her in amazement before you giggled uncontrollably.

"Your smile is just radiant..." She muttered before cupping her hand over her mouth.

The smile on your face brightened as you poured yourself a cup of the dark, warm liquid. You took a sip, never breaking eye contact with the young idol. "So miss Leader, tell me about yourself."

"You're a fan?" Yeji asked with a quirked brow as she leaned forward, challenging you with a wide grin.

You pretended to think for a moment, looking up to really sell the act. Your gaze returned to the singer's amused expression. "Not really... but maybe that'll change."

The night flew by without either of you realizing it. Empty hours usually spent watching the clock were replaced with laughter and endless conversations. It was the happiest you'd truly felt while you were in your workplace.

"Yeah, then Yuna said—" Before Yeji could finish her thought, her phone began to vibrate violently making her face color drain. Quickly, she pulled the phone up and stuffed the device into her pocket. "I have to go, my managers realized I got out."

She began to fidget for her wallet but placed your hand over hers, lightly restraining her. "The company you gave me is more than enough for a couple coffees." You smiled up at her, as your hand remained over hers.

Yeji smiled down at you apologetically before dashing down the street. You smiled down at your hand, the warmth still lingered, making butterflies escape in your stomach. You giggled to yourself.

'You don't meet women like that all the time...' You thought before turning to turn off the machine and prepare to close up for the night. The memories of the night keeping you smiling the entire time.

The next few days were rather uneventful, so much so that you simply couldn't get Yeji out of your head. Every now and then you stay a little later at night, much to your fanatic customers delight, to potentially catch a glimpse of the singer again. Much to your disappointment, she never returned.

You'd supposed it truly was a once in a lifetime experience, one that seemed to be completely one-sided.

It was another late night, a surprising amount of people were still present. You deduced it was because they heard that you were staying later recently. With each customer, your energy began to diminish.

"Good evening, welcome! What'll you be having...?" You trailed off looking down at the monitor of the register, faux smile still very much present.

"Oh I'll have a dark roast with an extra shot of Y/n?" The familiar voice said in a hushed tone before peeking their eyes out from under the cap she wore. Your eyes immediately brightened as you stared at the singer's covered face. "Rather forward of you, don't you think?" You teased, the grin on your face never loosing its shine.

Yeji merely shrugged, the grin on her face still prominent. She cautiously looked around before whispering, "I'll wait for them to clear out...then can I take you out?" The singer asked with a twinge of blush coating her face.

You smiled shyly, before nodding. The crinkle of her eyes grew smaller as she nodded and slipped a bill for the coffee. Half an hour passes before your co-worker comes in as per your request so you can escape the job quicker.

You both met up in front of the café, which garnered a few disappointed looks from your loyal customers.

You looked at her with an amused expression, arms crossed as you neared the taller woman. "So why'd you come back, Hwang Yeji? Couldn't get enough of the coffee?"

Yeji giggled before moving to stand beside you as you both made your way through the cold Seoul night. "Nope, work's been bitter enough..." She paused to look down at you, nudging your side gently. "I wanted a bit of sweetness this time around."

You smiled up at her shyly before you began to talk the night away again, like you had before. Excited to see where the sweetness would take you.

yeah i dont know what the last line was but here we are HAHAHAHA i hope that you all enjoyed that and Yeji day as a whole!! i'm gonna try and comeback with a few more fics in the next few days, granted i don't get dogpiled on by work but it's pride month next week so i hope to have some fics out by then since it is important to me and to a lot of people!! i hope you've all been keeping safe, my lovelies 😊 i'll see you vv soon, keep safe, and i love you all with all i can give 💖 - r

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stormblessed95 · 3 years ago

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Unpopular opinion I guess but I don’t see how that anon asking about Jikook and kids is homophobic. Gay and lesbian couples can’t naturally have kids, it’s a fact, no judgement here, we just can’t. And right now in most countries around the globe - even the most liberal ones - it is still extremely complicated for us to have kids, no matter how - adoption, ART, surrogate motherhood, you name it. Judging by how far South Korea is when it comes to LGBT rights, I doubt it’s an easy thing to have a kid when you’re in a same-sex relationship over there. Not completely impossible for sure, but surely very, very, very complicated. So if Jikook want to have kids in the future, it’s pretty logical that some people are wondering what about them then? I don’t want kids myself but I witnessed a gay couple around me having a crisis over this, it’s an extremely complicated issue that legitimately can create tension within the relationship - same for straight couples that can’t have kids actually. I don’t think that anon meant it in a "they can’t be gay if they want kids because gay can’t have kids" kind-of way. They can’t have them but they surely can want them but it’s not always possible to fulfill that wish unfortunately. I don’t want to be a party pooper but yes some couple may split because of this and it was not so uncommon for queer people not so long ago to "give up" on that part of themselves, to sacrifice themselves and engage in a straight relationship in order to be able to have kids. Still happens in some countries most probably. It’s a shame, it’s shocking, but it happens. Now it’s not really our business if Jikook do want to have kids or not, and it they do want kids it doesn’t mean they can’t be a couple, but I understand that it may rise some questions for some people. Even though they’re rich af, they’re still korean citizens, and I don’t see them willing to move outside of the korean borders so yes it could be a huge issue for them.

Sometimes I see Jikook blogs quick to jump to conclusions and scream about homophobia when I just don’t see it. Most Armys are quite young and from conservative countries, it’s only normal that they’re ignorant about LGBT issues. I see a lot of them willing to learn, being supportive (maybe I’m too optimistic). We all have stereotypes about this and that, it doesn’t necessarily means we’re -phobic. Heck I’m from a liberal western country, lesbian myself and I’ve said some pretty dumb things as well regarding wlw relationships. I don’t see homophobia in saying that gay people can’t have kids. I do see it when people say they shouldn’t have kids though, but it’s a different statement. It’s okay to ask questions, why always question people’s intentions? How do we expect people to learn if we relate everything regarding LGBT issues to homophobia? They’re going be afraid to ask if we keep acting this. - I’m obviously not talking about straight up crystal clear homophobic statements. Which I really don’t think anon’s question was.

Soooo I'm not sure how to totally answer this except to be totally honest with yall. Before you send an ask into a blogger about "why are you defensive?" Or "why do you all jump immediately into saying something is homophobic?" Please take a moment to really consider why that is. If you run a blog and have anon asks on, you probably already know. If you don't, let me tell you. Because there is a lot that never gets published.

For every ask yall see, there are 2 that you dont. I've answered like 800 asks at this point, so that is ALOT of asks gone unanswered that you never see. Sometimes they are innocent and just not something I feel like answering or are repeat questions or rants. Often times they are hateful. Sometimes that hate is directed at me, often it's at the members. Or it's at KMs bond. I cannot begin to tell yall the amount of asks I have gotten trying to invalidate the idea that Jimin and Jungkook could be gay, much less in a relationship with each other. Using all kinds of various reasons that simply are not reasons at all. Such as, for example, the kids thing. I have gotten asks from people saying Jimin is straight and he is going to be a wonderful dad, which would be impossible if he were gay with JK so he can't be. I've even gotten asks from Jikookers trying to disprove Taekook as a ship by saying that Tae cannot be gay because he has been very vocal about wanting kids and that would be impossible if he were gay and dating JK. Which is simply not true. I get these a couple times a month at a minimum. I get others about them being attracted to women, or pulling away from skinship, or spending time with xyz member, or looking at xyz girl group member on stage, etc etc etc. I basically delete this all the time right away because it's simply not worth it because those people don't actually care and I don't have the mental energy to sit and try and educate every anon who walks into my inbox. I have done it before and done it nicely and respectfully many times. It's exhausting. And it's constant as long as my anon asks are turned on. It's why I turn them off every now and then, to play catch up and give myself a break.

And when you are dealing with an influx of toxic anons that frankly are homophobic or just other shippers and being hateful.... can you understand how that might make you learn to be wary of all anons. It's not all anons, it's not even most anons, but there are quite a few that ruin it for everyone. So if you send in wn anon ask and it's super vague and feelings slightly leading, most of us who run these blogs and answer these questions will probably assume that you ARE trying to lead us to the answer that jikook is impossible or their is no chance that they are involved or that they are trying to invalidate them in some way. So when the ask in question was "Jimin wants kids, what about jikook?" It leaves me side eyeing the anon a little bit. The reason I answered that one at all instead of deleting it with all the rest is that it WAS vague, so I answered very generally, answering all the different ways I assumed the ask COULD be referring to. And because it does imply that if it was questioning their possible relationship, that the anon seemed to be trying to lead me to a conclusion that jikook would then be impossible, because of wanting kids. Which is very simply untrue. So unless you are clear with your ask, you run the risk of being misunderstood. And I will always err on the side of caution because of the amount of toxicity that sometimes gets into my ask box. And Im sure that is what is going on with other bloggers too. So again, I ask that please, before you assume that we all just don't care or are too quick to judge, open a KM focused blog and allow anons in for a month. Sift through all the drama and try to understand what we all are working with.

So while I don't think you are necessarily wrong, I do think my opinion stands that if the idea of either of them wanting children or liking children or speaking very generally about bangtans future children makes the idea of them being gay and/or being together questionable, that does sit in the realm of homophobia. And assuming every anon has good intentions just isn't possible. If you want to send an ask or a message outside of anonymous mode, it does make it easier to trust your intentions behind the ask because you are assigning your name/handle to it. And while there is nothing wrong with keeping things anonymous, I keep them on for a reason, you just have to accept that unless your intentions are very clear and easy to read (this has nothing to do with what language you speak btw, please don't worry about that), most bloggers will probably be a little wary of you. And with the kids one in question, I was nice, I kept things generalized and answered the question in ways that would have had nothing to do with questioning the validity of their possible relationship as well as the ones where the intention would have been to do that.

Hope that all makes sense and helps you, anon, and everyone else who sees this understand why sometimes JKK blogs are quick to get defensive or to not just implicitly trust in everyone's good intentions. Please remember that we who do these blogs are human too, and answer these asks in our spare time. Hope everyone has a lovely day 💜

#jikook #kookmin #jikook blog

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brelione · 4 years ago

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Just Me? (Kelce,Rafe,TopperXReader)

Warnings:Not proof read,mentions of eating disorders,not proof read,hehehehehe yall arent ready <3

The Best Boys Marvel Movies Action Figures Bird

You couldnt stop thinking about what had happened with Rafe.You had tried everything to get it off your mind.You tried going for a swim,wrapping your banadage over with plastic wrap like Kelce had told you but that just made you think of how much more fun it would be to play volleyball in the pool with the boys.

You tried watching tv,doing the dishes and baking but you had baked brownies.Who’s favorite food in the whole world is brownies?Rafe.Rafe fucking loves brownies.You couldnt even understand why Rafe would kiss you.He had literally seen you with tears in your eyes and vomit all over your face.That’s gross.You sat in your kitchen for a while,walking in circles on top of the kitchen table,debating on whether or not to call Kelce.

You couldnt talk to Rafe about it,that was just both awkward and ridiculous.Kelce would probably insist on inviting Rafe over to have a group discussion about the importance of communication and understanding.That left Topper.You huffed,deciding to get off your table and grab a diet coke from the fridge before calling him.

“Did your cut reopen?”He asked anxiously,not even bothering to say hello.He held the football that was previously being thrown back and forth to his chest,holding up a finger to Kelce as he listened to you. “An emotional one.Can you come over?”You asked,tapping your fingers against your marble countertop.

He frowned,looking at the dull sky through his dark sunglasses,letting out a small sigh. “Yeah,sure.So whats going on?Is it the type of emotional reopen that you need McDonalds and coffee or is it a tissue and Criminal Minds situation?”He asked,guessing it was probably the second one.

“Neither.Are you alone?”You asked,intriguing him. “You want me to come over?Like just me?”He asked. “Are-are you with the others?”You asked,waiting anxiously for his answer.He stared back at a confused Kelce,humming. “Im with Kelce.Would you be okay if I brought him?”He asked you quietly.

“No-do not bring Kelce.I dont know,just tell him that you have to clean your fishtank or that your uncle died or something.”You exclaimed quickly,not wanting to hurt Kelce’s feelings.Topper’s jaw dropped. “Dont fucking manifest my uncle dyint-just give me twenty minutes,alright?”He asked.You smacked yourself in the face with your palm,groaning. “Yeah,okay.”You answered,hanging up.

You spent those twenty minutes pacing around your house,jogging up and down your stairs until you were painting,tug at your shirt to cool yourself off.You got annoyed with the material,ripping it off your head and throwing it.

“FUCK!”You shouted for no reason in particular.Everything was beginning to stress you out,walking down the stairs and fighting the urge to scream as the moment ran through your head once more.You always knew Rafe would drive you crazy.Your door opened,Topper standing there with a frozen coffee topped with whipped cream.

He looked over to you,surprised that you werent laying on your couch as usual.He glanced down at your chest for a split second before staring down at the floor,feeling guilty.He held out the coffee to you,eyebrows furrowing when you placed it on the table opposed to eating the whipped cream off. “What’s going on?”He asked,reaching out to grab your shoulders and make you look at him.

“Im sorry,im really fucking stressed and I have a stomach ache and im going insane and you’re the only person I cant think to talk too.Did you tell Kelce you were comeing here?”You asked.He grabbed your wrist gently,pulling you onto the couch and looking at you with concern evident on his face.

“I told Kelce that I left my oven on so I had to leave.Rafe is out on the boat with Sarah,Ward,Rose and Wheezie for the day.Can you tell me what’s going on?”He asked,dragging the coffee across the table so it was in front of you.You sighed,bringing your knee to your chest and wrapping your arms around it.

“I just-god,shitting fuck.”You cursed,getting quiet as you pinched the bridge of your nose.Topper was getting more and more worried as the seconds passed,reaching out a hand to rub your thigh in attempts to comfort you.

He let out a small gasp when you gripped his wrist tightly,shaking it back and forth with slight aggression. “Literally dont tell anyone what im about to tell you,got it?Not Rafe,not Kelce,not Nemo,not your mom,not your uncle not anyone.Do you understand?”You asked,trying your best not to sound completely insane but not succeeding at all.

He nodded quickly,anticipating building up within him. “Yeah,I totally wont.I promise.Now tell me what the fuck is happening!”He exclaimed. “Rafe kissed me.”You answered,feeling your hands shake a little as Topper went silent.He didnt know what to think.He was mroe mad at Rafe than anything.They had all agreed to just stay friends with you and not to fuck anything up.

He felt jealous that he wasn't the one to kiss you but also felt more worried about how you felt about the whole situation.Clearly you didn't feel great about it otherwise he wouldn't be sitting on your couch.He was shocked that you had chose to talk to him over Kelce.You had always picked Kelce to speak to about your emotional problems.That only made Topper think more.

Why wouldn't you want Kelce to know? “God,topper.Can you please say something?You’re stressing me the fuck out.”You huffed.He licked his lips upon realizing that his jaw had dropped. “So he just kissed you?Like,it just happened?”He asked.You nodded,looking over to the coffee and the foamy white mess that had once been a beautiful swirly mountain.

“So...how do you feel about it?Do you like him like that?”Topper asked,trying to keep himself from freaking out.You bit your tongue,looking over to your tv and deciding that this whole house was too awkward and too quiet.You reached for the remote,putting on some cartoons. “I don't even know.I don't know what to think or how to feel and I havent talked to Rafe since then and now I feel like shit.What do I even do?i cant call him or anything cause I have nothing to say.”You thought out loud,kind of wishing that Kelce was here to go through all of the possibilities to help you figure out your best option.

But he wasn't. “Thats okay.You don't really need to know right this second but if you want to keep things from getting awkward then-well,hear me out.I think its a good idea for you to talk to Rafe about this or just talk to Rafe.Right now things are awkward because you’re not talking to him.Just think about it,you’re avoiding each other which makes you both too uncomfortable to start a conversation which will make things worse.”He explained as if he had been through this type of thing before.

You bit the inside of your cheek,forcing your eyes to look at the tv where a rerun of The Loud House was playing. “You really think its a good idea for me to talk to him?”You asked.You saw him nod from the corner of your eye,hearing your stomach rumble right after. “Yeah,I do.You should call him and ask him to hang out or something.I can invite Kelce over too so its not awkward and you two can either talk about it or not.Just being around him in that setting will probably make you less nervous.”He handed you the frozen coffee and a straw,wanting you to drink it.

“How stressed have you been?”He asked,relieved when you took a sip of the coffee.You pulled away from the straw,sighing. “Why?Do I seem overly stressed?”You asked,trying to figure out how he could tell you were anxious.On top of being friends with you for over five years he also watched Criminal Minds.He probably knew shit about your anxiousness.

He shrugged,looking around to see where you had thrown your shirt. “Your house smells like brownies.You used to bake so you’d feel closer to food and you stress bake sometimes.When was the last time you ate?”He asked,making your eyes widen and your heart thump.Shit.You hadnt eaten since the last time you saw Rafe,three days ago.

“Yeah,its been a while,hasn't it?”He asked,knowing that he had caught you. “Did you do this on purpose?”He asked,tracing figure eights on your kneecap. “No,i've just been really stressed.”You answered.He nodded,telling you to drink your coffee while he went to make you something.You sat on the couch,stirring the coffee and thinking again.The thought of him kissing you invaded your mind as you thought back to everything that had led up to it.

You had wrapped your legs around his waist but that wasnt something uncommon for you to do.You’d wrap your legs around him and your arms around his shoulders and make him carry you around like a toddler.Something told you it was just the way the situation was,he was really close to you and no one else was around so why the fuck not?That was probably all it was but your brain kept going back to the way your stomach felt and the way your heart sped up.

It was something that you hadnt felt before and your brain was probably just trying to recreate the feeling by forcing you to think about it for 72 hours straight.Yeah,that made perfect sense.Your phone dinged,causing your heart to drop into your ass.Fuck.You picked it up,not daring to look at the screen as you built up the courage to look at it.

Three….two...one.You looked at the screen,eyes widening when you saw who it was.It was your uncle,one that you hadnt spoken too since your fourteenth birthday.That was the first red flag before you even read the message. “Your mother’s with me.She’s not coming back.”Was all it said.He was in Italy which meant that your mother was too.She had no reason to be in Italy.This had to be some sort of sick joke.Maybe your Uncle’s wife had took his phone and texted that to you just to get you on edge.

Deep down you knew that it wasnt true,that you mother really wasnt coming back.Your eyes began to water,a few tears rolling down your cheeks.What the fuck were you gonna do?There was no knowing if she would pay the bills from Italy or if you would lose your house and everything you owned because of her.You let out a muffled sob,covering your mouth with your hand.Topper heard,running out of the kitchen.

“Hey,whats wrong?Is it about Rafe?”He asked,kneeling in front of you and grabbing you a paper towel to blow your nose.You shook your head,watching as he picked up your phone and read the message across the screen. “Its gonna be okay,I promise,okay?”He began to rub your back,wishing the Rafe or Kelce was here since he wasnt the best at comforting you.Rafe was best at cuddling and Kelce was best at talking and Topper preferred to just be emotional support. “No-no she’s not coming back and im gonna lose the house and im fucked!”You sobbed,his arms wrapping tight around you. “No,no you’re not.We’ll figure it out.”He answered,making the decision to call Rafe and Kelce to come and help with the situation.

@sweetlittlegingy @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off

If you’d like to be in the taglist for the series comment with a “*” or ⭐

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe x you #rafe fic #rafe #drew starkey #topper thornton #topper thorton x reader #topper thorton imagine #topper imagine #topper headon #topper thornton fluff #kelce outer banks #kelce imagine #kelce obx #kelce x reader

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free-pool-trash · 4 years ago

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folklore - isaac lahey {6/?}

part 6 (again) 😖 ***the timeline/sequence of events is messed up but it doesn’t matter too much it’s just to move the story along faster*** everything about this is a hot mess, i hope you love it ;)

(sorry about this i rlly dont know wtf happened it just spazzed out, sorry yall)

word count: 4k

warnings: blood, tension, kissing ;), mentions of abuse, swearing

taglist: @makeusfreefromthisfandom, @cece-lives-here, @chocolate-raspberries, @belsandthings, @dancing-tacos-23, @truly-dionysus, @britty443, @tanyaherondale, @furiouspockettoad, @yunsh-17, @random-thoughts-003, @gloomybrieyxb, @futuristicslimemongerbanana, @linkpk88, @big-galaxy-chaos, @im-a-stranger-thing, @riaisnotcool, @its-evita-here, @pad-foots, @sweetpeabellamyblakedracomalfoy, @bookswillfindyouaway, @what-the-hap-is-fuckening, @awkwardnesshabitat, @pieces-by-me, @wreny24 let me know if you’d like to be added <3

MASTERLIST

To say Isaac Lahey looked like he’d been beaten to a pulp would have been a colossal understatement. The boy practically limped into school the day after his father demonstrated his dissatisfaction for his youngest son after attending his parent teacher meeting.

It’d been a long night of taking punches, kicks and insults that would plague Isaac’s mind for weeks to come. His voice was raw from screaming to be released from the freezer he’d been locked in after his father grew bored of inflicting pain physically. Deciding psychological pain was just as good as physical pain, his father left him to think about his inferiority for an entire night, only letting him out an hour before he was due to start school.

His lip still dripped scarlet as he walked the halls, both eyes black and ever so slightly swollen and so very tired looking. His steps were taken shakily. It didn’t take him long to notice you standing by his locker, waiting for him as usual. Usually when his eyes flickered over you his body would fill with relief. But after remembering how upset you’d been in your car the day before he found his relief being replaced by guilt and dread.

Isaac ducked his head, he did this purely to avoid your eyes. He still made his way towards you nonetheless.

The first thing to hit you was the scent of blood. Fresh and warm and right from the source, you could tell- you weren’t sure how you could tell but you just knew. You lifted your eyes from the floor. You wished you hadn’t when your eyes landed on Isaac, hobbling towards you with blood dripping down his split bottom lip.

The second thing to hit you, though, was the undeniable feeling of guilt that hit you when Isaac refused to meet your gaze.

As soon as his slow and sluggish steps carried him to you your hands flew to his cheeks, gentle but firm, you cupped them and tried your very hardest to ignore how much you wanted to run your tongue along his bleeding lip. It was proving a lot harder than you would have ever thought it would, in all honesty.

You forced your eyes to stay locked on his, your jaw tight and teeth clenched, your own anger overpowering Isaac’s guilt. “What did he do to you?” You asked him softly, brushing your thumbs along his cheekbones with a feather like touch. The last thing you wanted to do was put him in any more pain than he was already in.

“I may have a C minus in more than just chem.” Isaac explained flatly. Despite the slight ache your hands caused him he couldn’t stop himself from melting into you, loving your warmth as opposed to the cold of the basement freezer.

At his confession you found yourself unable to hold yourself back any longer. You let out a sigh and Isaac fixed you with a confused gaze as he watched your brows furrow in determination. “Come with me.”

Isaac followed behind you as you led him towards the basement of the school, nobody ever went down there and your first class, with Isaac, happened to be a free period. It wasn’t until you were standing across from each other again in the narrow dark hallway of the basement that Isaac spoke up in question, “Did you bring me down here to kill me or…”

You let out a shaky sigh, confidence waning as you second guessed yourself. Was this a good idea? Absolutely not. Would it make him feel better, however? Incredibly so, yes.

Deciding you’d probably stretched the whole “keep Isaac out of it” thing as far as you could, there was no point keeping it from him any longer- he was getting hurt whether he knew about the supernatural or not.

“I’m about to tell you something completely bizarre and I need you to, one, please believe me and don’t freak out and, two, don’t be mad at me for not telling you sooner.” Isaac’s eyebrow rose in concern, “Yeah- yeah sure, ok- what is it?” His voice was filled with worry as were his eyes, that still sparkled despite the dark purple colouring surrounding them paired with the dim lightening of the windowless basement.

“Remember that thing that bit me?” You asked and he nodded mutely, “well, it sort of… gave me something.”

Isaac gasped, “Rabies?” His question was so positively drenched with genuine concern that you had to laugh, grabbing his hand and shaking your head softly.

“No, I don’t have rabies.” You laughed again, his relieved sigh bouncing off the walls.

“Thank God.”

“It’s probably best if I just show you.” You told him, smiling softly and nodding your head in resolve. You were doing this.

“Show me wha-... holy shit.” Isaac gasped yet again, mouth agape and eyes wide as he stared at your, now slightly changed face, your eyes were a glowing purple and you had fangs? Something in the back of his head told him that, really, he should be afraid. But he wasn’t. Not even in the slightest. He thought the look suited you quite frankly. The way the purple glow of your eyes reflected against your complexion in the dim lighting was, in all honesty, completely mesmerising.

“I’m a vampire.” You clarified, although it was perfectly obvious. Isaac only nodded his head numbly, still trying to comprehend what he was looking at.

When he didn’t say anything after a solid ten seconds you spoke yet again, “I’m telling you because, I hate seeing you hurt…” Your voice trailed off, you weren’t exactly sure what to say in the moment.

It was just then that Isaac spoke up, a sad lilt in his voice while he squeezed your hand, “Come on, (N/n). Don’t do this to yourself, you know there’s nothing you can do-“ You cut him off, voice a mix of anxiety and excitement, “But Isaac! I can! I can do something about it! Okay? Look- I’ve got all these new vampire abilities and one of them…” You paused to take a breath, eyes flying around his face frantically before you finally locked your gaze with his.

Swallowing the lump on your throat you finished, “I can take your pain away. And physically heal you- but that might not be such a good idea. Your dad would know something was up.”

One thing you loved about Isaac was that he always took your word for things. He never ever doubted you and always believed you when you told him something. Even in a situation like this< he never asked questions< he simply trusted you.

“Will taking my pain away hurt you? Because if it will then absolutely not, I’ll keep it to myself I don’t want you getting hurt because of-“ Isaac fretted anxiously, only stopping when your hands returned to their previous spot on his cheeks, smiling sweetly, “It won’t hurt at all. It’s actually quite enjoyable.”

“How do you do it?” He asked tentatively, hands moving to rest on your waist, an action that wasn’t entirely uncommon but was usually saved for the most intimate of shared moments, which, you supposed, this was.

Nervously you chewed on the inside of your cheek before telling him, “Well, when I feed on someone, its got some kind of euphoric effect- kinda like a drug high or something.”

Isaac, yet again, nodded his head. “Okay. Go for it.” He told you surely, though hints of anxiety still lingered in his voice.

You nodded slowly in response. Your hands slipped from his cheeks, the left was now tangled in his curls and tilting his head gently to the side to expose his, already bruised, neck. The other grabbed ahold of his shoulder, bringing him down so that you were level with his neck.

Isaac’s eyes stayed glued to you while you walked him carefully backwards until his back met the wall of the basement, your eyes were still glowing and it was when you nervously peered up at him through your lashes that he realised; he’d do anything you ever asked him to.

“This might sting a bit. Tell me if you start to feel dizzy.” You warned before, hesitantly, moving your fangs towards his neck. His grip on your waist tightening as you bit into him, as gently as you could. He let out a short hiss of pain before you felt him relax against you, his eyes closed and his jaw fell slack the second his blood hit your tongue.

His blood was an entirely new experience. It tasted like, you didn’t actually know, but it was like nothing you’d ever consumed before. If you thought Stiles’ blood was good, Isaac’s was on another level. Maybe all your pinning for him made him taste better to you? You didn’t know.

A satisfied sound unconsciously left your mouth at the flavour while your hand tightened in his hair, but in your close proximity you picked up something more than just the taste of his blood. It felt like… lust?

The feeling was backed up by the throaty groan falling from Isaac’s mouth, his hands not only tightening on your waist but pulling you closer to his body. Now chest to chest as your lips moved on his neck.

True to your word, Isaac already forgot about the ache in his body- his mind now consumed by the feeling of you, the girl he was not so secretly in love with, with your lips and tongue situated on his neck. And if that alone wasn’t enough to steer his mind away from his pain, the feeling the bite gave to him definitely did the trick.

It was like morphine running straight through his veins. He felt not only like he’d never been hurt to begin with but as well as that, and maybe more importantly, his mind was completely at peace- his thoughts purely consumed by you.

The way you looked when you removed your mouth from his neck was bordering on ethereal, your bodies remained pressed against each other and for a few moments you simply stared at each other with half lidded eyes. Isaac’s breath came out in pants as he stared down at you, your own eyes captivated by the dried blood on his lower lip. Noticing this, and with very little composure what with his current blissed out state, Isaac spoke, “You can take it- the blood. If you want it.”

You weren’t sure at what point it had happened but the lust you felt earlier had magnified tenfold, although you were sure it didn’t all belong to Isaac- you felt it too. He stared at your lips the way you’d been starring at his only seconds ago, did he want you to kiss him? It seemed like it. Did you want to kiss him. Absolutely. A thousand times over.

Again you found yourself wondering; was this a good idea? And, again, you found yourself thinking that, no, it probably wasn’t the best idea.

Your inhibitions were lowered significantly since you fed, feeding on Stiles’ had been enjoyable but feeding on Isaac, though- that had been intoxicating. Perfectly content to blame what you were about to do on your intoxication if it came back to bite you in the ass, you moved your hands back to their favourite spot cupping Isaac’s cheeks.

Slowly, you pulled him back down to your level, the boy in your grasp complying quite happily, seemingly entranced by your face. Butterflies were erupting violently in your stomach at the way his blue eyes fluttered over your face appreciatively as if admiring art and the way his hands held you to him so tenderly, like he was afraid to hurt you despite knowing you were a supernatural entity.

What you’d give for him to gaze at you like that, so openly and surely, all the time.

Without giving it any further thought you gave into what you’d been craving for the longest time and pressed your lips against his, the action feeling more intoxicating than the blood itself.

Isaac’s hands mirrored yours, sliding up your side before resting against your cheeks.

His lips moved furiously against yours. The many bruises and injuries that littered his body were long forgotten as he tasted you against his lips, finally.

Your breath came out in pants as you pulled away, your forehead resting against Isaac’s and your chests still pressed against each other.

It was only when you studied his face that you’d realised you never even got the blood from his split lower lip. What made you feel better though, was the fact that he’d kissed you as passionately as you’d kissed him and his hands that still cupped your cheeks.

“That definitely made me feel better.” Isaac breathed out against your lips, a dopey smile forming on his own.

An airy laugh left your throat at his comment, all your fears of the kiss causing havoc evaporated from your mind with the sound of his voice.

“On a scale of one to ten how drunk do you feel right now?” You asked him teasingly, noticing his eyes were glazed over and his almost static feeling happiness was popping in your chest, almost like fireworks.

Isaac only shrugged, his happiness feeling as though it couldn’t ever be dampened after the kiss he’d just shared with you. “Tipsy at best.” He answered, and true enough you noticed he’d regained his composure a lot faster than Stiles had done the first time you fed on him. Kisses did have a tendency to be sobering, you supposed.

A silence fell over the pair of you after that. Isaac’s eyes returned their gaze to your lips yet again and you would’ve had to be blind not to notice. By this point your eyes had returned to their usual colour and your fangs reverted back into their dormant form of your regular canines, he was simply looking at you now, just you, no supernatural frills to be seen. But as always, you just being you was enough for him.

“Would our friendship be destroyed if I told you I really want to kiss you again?” Before you could even answer, he was already dipping his lips back to yours. Not that you minded.

This time, his lips moved slowly and gently, his thumbs rubbing against your cheekbones before they slipped back down to grasp your waist. As your lips, yet again, meshed perfectly with his, that feeling came over your chest again. That light, fluffy feeling he not only gave you but also radiated. It was only when he pulled away for the second time that you put your finger on exactly what that feeling was- love.

With the realisation- the confirmation that the love you felt towards Isaac was mutual you couldn’t stop the wide smile that formed on your lips, you chased his lips once more after he’d pulled away and tried to keep your giggles quiet when he met you halfway with just as much enthusiasm and his smile just as wide.

It was probably a stupid question but you asked it anyway, “So… you’re not mad that I didn’t tell you about the whole vampire thing?” Isaac shook his head, “I know now. I get why you didn’t tell me.”

“I wanted to.” You told him, a nervous smile taking over your lips as you continue, “But I was kinda warned against it.” He nodded his head, although he was confused, who would’ve even warned you? Were there more supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills that he didn’t know about?

His thoughts didn’t wander too far as your soft voice cut them off, “I’m glad you know now. I missed ranting to you.”

The boy, still holding your waist, let out a sigh, “I’m glad you told me, too. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. You had me worried.” He told you, laughing airily towards the end.

When he saw the look of guilt beginning to form on your face he immediately changed the course of the conversation. “While we’re confessing stuff…” he began, shy Isaac returning as his eyes fluttered anywhere but your eyes. “We’ve been best friends for a while, and um- I’ve wanted to tell you for a while- years… yeah for years… but um-“ you couldn’t help but smile as he rambled, you thought you had a clue where he was going. “Isaac.” You cut him off softly, smile never faltering when you finally dropped your palms from his cheeks, placing them over his that were still on your waist and giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“Take a breath.” You instructed with a laugh. Taking your advice Isaac took a deep breath, manoeuvring his hands to hold yours, your intertwined hands hanging between the both of you now.

“I like you- love you! I love you. A lot. In a more than best friends way. And I have for a… twelve, yeah, no I’ve loved you since we were twelve. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same! I just thought since we kissed just now that maybe you-“ He was rambling again, as he tended to do when he was nervous and in the moment you couldn’t think of any other way to shut him up than to plant your lips against his. Effectively cutting him off as you did so.

To be perfectly honest, you could definitely get used to kissing him like this all of the time. When you removed your lips from his, for what felt like the millionth time, Isaac’s eyes remained shut. With the absence of blue it really hit you how beaten up he really was, his eyes were black and purple as well as swollen terribly. When you took him in, the words fell from your lips before you could think of some flowery way to present them, “I love you too.”

A sigh of relief left his mouth and he finally found the courage to open his eyes again. The moment was ruined by the class bell ringing in the distance, signifying that your free period was now over and you’d both need to be getting to class.

The pair of you headed off together with wide smiles on your faces that didn’t seem to die down throughout the rest of the day. At the end of the school day, he’d walked you to your car and gave you a kiss goodbye before walking away looking the most pleased you’d ever seen him.

To put it simply, you were on cloud nine. As soon as you entered your kitchen once you got home from school, though, you found yourself crashing straight back down to earth.

Sitting in front of you in all his glory was Derek Hale, it didn’t excite you to see he didn’t look even remotely like he was about to apologise for being a shitty, unloyal pack member, “What do you want?” You snapped, tossing your school bag by his feet rather aggressively for no particular reason. It felt kind of nice to mildly inconvenience him.

“You need to leave.” Was all he said and you rolled your eyes, crossed your arms over your chest and stared at him with a raised eyebrow, “May I remind you, Derek, you don’t fucking live here. So maybe you need to leave.” You snapped, venom seeping from your tone but it didn’t seem to phase him, he knew how things worked with you. You were always hard to lose but once you were gone you were even harder to get back.

“Beacon Hills, (Y/n). You need to leave Beacon Hills.” He clarified for you, still remaining stoic. “What? Why?” You wanted a good reason. A really good reason. You didn’t just confess your love to your best friend of six years to have Derek swan back into your business and tell you had to leave town for no good reason.

“If I tell you, you won’t leave.” Was he serious? He couldn’t give you a reason to leave but you could think of about ten reasons to stay, he obviously wasn’t one of them at the minute.

“You’re full of shit.” You stated, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Look I know you don’t exactly like me right now, kid. But for the first time since you turned I’m actually trying to look out for you, alright?” His stoic facade had dropped now, he was practically begging.

You clenched your jaw, you didn’t want to be difficult but it was hard when the man in front of you wasn’t exactly a smooth operator himself. “If you want me to trust you tell me why.”

“We know who the Alpha is. He’s going to be coming for you next and we need to get you as far away from here as we can before he gets to you.” Derek finally explained, his anxiety bouncy from every cell in his body right into your chest. “Who is it?” You wondered, who could it have been that would make you want to stay? It wasn’t Isaac, it could’ve been Scott but that wasn’t likely seeing as he was looking for the alpha too. It definitely wasn’t Stiles.

Derek didn’t answer this question. “Your dad is in a meeting with Chris Argent right now. His sister, Kate, was onto you, wants to put your fangs on a necklace. Your dad’s keeping them distracted long enough for me to get you out. So, we need to go. Your stuff is already in my car.” He rushed out grabbing your forearm with a grip you knew you couldn’t wriggle out of. (Not that you didn’t try.)

The wolf had to practically wrestle you into the passenger seat, ignoring all of your colourful threats of what you’d do to his precious car once you got free of his hold as he strapped you in.

Once he got into the driver’s seat, he immediately began to drive, way over the streets speed limit, and it wasn’t until you passed the “Visit Again Soon!” Beacon Hills sign that you piped up.

“Ok, we’re officially out of town. Now tell me what the hell is going on.” You demanded, the tension between you and Derek growing with every mile he drove.

Letting out a deep sigh he finally answered, “The Alpha? It’s Peter.”

The gasp that left you was sharp and Derek knew you’d handle this information with as much disbelief as he had.

Peter couldn’t have been the alpha. The alpha killed Laura Hale- tore her apart. The alpha bit Scott and you, Scott had told you he’d even punched his fist through Derek’s chest and chased him, Stiles, Alison, Jackson and Lydia around the school a few nights ago. Peter wouldn’t have done all of those things… The Peter you knew wouldn’t do all of of those things.

The the more you thought about it the more it began to add up in your mind. The voice, the one you’d heard that night in the hospital, so full of clarity and intention, the voice that consistently rattled your brain with the words of “Don’t let it kill you.” That voice, it belonged to Peter.

“Stiles and I found out last night. He said he had plans for you, he said he wanted the both of his by his side- in his pack. We knew if he got to you right now you’d join him. Even if it was just to spite me.” He explained softly, his brotherly tone making an appearance for the first time in weeks.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you stared at Derek in confusion, “What makes you think I would’ve gone with him.” You asked, a tiny bit offended by his statement although you had a feeling he was onto something, even if you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you. I’ve been thinking about what you said last night before you ran off and you’re right. I forgot about you when you needed me the most and I’m sorry for that. We both know you and Peter always had a stronger bond than the rest of us. Hating me would make him look better” He told you, not receiving an answer as he watched you stare emptily out the car window, watching the sun as it set.

“You were always so independent growing up, you did things yourself and you loved it. I didn’t know what to make of you becoming a vampire, to be honest I was hoping you’d become a wolf.” Letting out a heavy sigh Derek finished his little speech, “I didn’t know how to help you. It made me feel useless so I focused all of my time on helping Scott. I know it hasn’t been easy for you but where you’re going is going to be really good for you.”

“And where exactly are you taking me.” You asked suspiciously. “Before you freak out, you’re only staying there until we stop whatever Peter is planning. Two weeks tops.” He tried to reason but it only served to panic you further, “Derek, where are you taking me.”

“I’m dropping you off at the airport and your getting on the next flight to Virginia.” Your eyes widened as you let out a small screech, “Virginia? That’s like a five hour flight! Why Virginia? And for two week? What about the Winter formal?” You rambled, voice high pitched with panic.

Derek shot you a sympathetic look before returning his attention to the highway, “I’ve got a few friends there. One of them is kind of a vampire expert. Says he knows some people that might be able to help train you.” The wolf explained.

Derek had friends? That was truly shocking.

“Who’s your friend?” You asked curiously.

“His name’s Alaric Saltzman. He’s picking you up at the airport when you land.”

“So I’m staying with some man I’ve never even met? Cool. Really not worrying at all, Derek. And my parents are on board with this little plan?” You inquired uneasily.

Derek let out a snigger at this, “Seeing as your mother was the one to suggest him, yes. Your dad isn’t so keen on the idea.”

He was chuckling like a little kid and you felt as though you were missing something, “Why isn’t he too keen on it?”

His laugh came out full voice now as he looked at you with a mischievous grin, “Because before he and your mother got together, she was dating Ric.”

Your eyes widened and your jaw almost hit the floor, “So your shipping me off to my mother's ex to keep me away from my alpha werewolf uncle? You guys are the fucking worst.”

#isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey #teen wolf x reader #derek hale x reader #folklore i.l

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childofathena · 5 years ago

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Okay so I have been thinking about this lately... Basketball player Percy?

ok im the wrong person to send this to because i know nothing about sports. tho i think percy played on a basketball team in canon, i love that for my son.

ive spent way too long trying to come up with an answer to this so.. time for bullet points

percy has a nasty habit of pushing himself way too hard for the team. he doesnt want to let anybody down & views it as his job to pick up any “slack” he sees, even though logically he knows its not on him

he probably started playing early on outside of school, mostly for a way to get rid of excess energy, especially after being cooped up in classrooms all days

in high school his friends convinced him to at least try out, and he agreed not expecting much of it. not really thinking hed even make the team

but ya boy is talented of course he made the team

i did online high school idk how sports in schools work bye

but he winds up getting a sports scholarship to a college which was a huge weight off his shoulders because uhm.. money.

balancing classes and basketball gets even harder

but honestly? he genuinely enjoys the sport. its good for him to clear his head and it helps his ADHD to get all that energy out

yall idk sports but like.. random additions

he loves that he has an excuse to wear basketball shorts all the time

its not uncommon for him to totally forget to drink water during practices and afterward whenever he grabs his bottle to drink everyone is just like.. “dude.. did you.. not drink at all?” and percy is *surprised pikachu face*

percy is really chill with the team but any parties that happen after games, unless hes rly feelin it 30 minutes in hes like “hmmm sorry yall i just remembered i have a super important meeting yes its 11PM”

i dont even Know im rambling so hard. things make sense inside my head kinda.

#text #asks #percy jackson #pjo

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years ago

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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