#y'all wanna invalidate trans men so bad

[gnometa233]

"Trans men and lesbians can date!!" "Trans men and straight men can date!!" "Lesbian includes attraction to men!!!" "Labels mean nothing just use what you want!!!" what if I threw a rock at you.

[noiwontsaythatabouthim]

Hi, op here, some stuff happened recently.

One, I don't think I was TA, personally. Seems most of you don't think that either. I do feel bad, now, for not handling it better, though.

I texted K again later and said I was sorry for telling her that in front of everybody and then storming out. I probably should have just put my foot down harder on my refusal and told her privately how much it upset me. I also told her, like how most of y'all told me, that her whole men suck routine was really invalidating as a trans man, and that either she Included me in all men or didn't, a real damned if you do damned if you don't sort of situation.

She thanked me for apologizing and apologized herself for the men comment. She said she honestly wasn't thinking about it when she said it but she'd try to be more sensitive. She also said she'd found out that her most recent boyfriend was married with kids sooo. She was kinda down in the dumps about men and dating and whatnot.

As for bigger updates... L broke it off with her fiance after our brunch!! She realized he wasn't doing anything and just absolutely oozing weaponized incompetence. So after a big blowout where she said either grow up or I'm gone, he chose to stay a giant man baby. You know, I never liked him much. She's angry and heartbroken, but she's like, gorgeous, smart, and insanely sweet. She'll realize that he was an absolute nothingburger of a man soon and move on easily.

Anyway, seems like a lot of y'all have nice things to say about my husband, so I'm gonna tell you what happened when I came out to him because I'll tell as many people who will listen how perfect he is.

So for the past two years before I came out, almost our whole married life, we had been having difficulty. I'd realized I was a man shortly before he proposed to me, and I thought I would just bottle it up and keep it down for the rest of my life. Turns out that's hard.

Like I said, difficulty. We were rarely affectionate with one another, almost never made love, and when we did, it was so unenjoyable that usually I pretended to finish and he said he was fine without finishing. It wasn't healthy for either of us. I kept feeling like I was dragging him down with how mopey I was around him, so around 5 years ago I decided to just bite the bullet and come out. I had already been visiting with a gender therapist behind his back and had the go ahead from both them and my endocrinologist to start T. I felt very guilty about that at the time, doing it behind his back.

I took him into the bedroom to talk and ended up just sobbing into his shirt for 30 minutes before timidly muttering "baby, I think I'm a man. I wanna be a man."

He laughed so loudly it made me jump and then cried out "thank GOD" as he hugged me. He told me that he was a second away from coming out himself and that he thought he'd have to divorce me. He was so relieved, I don't think I've ever seen him that happy. He promised to be with me every step of the way, and he was.

He was there to kiss me when I changed my name. He held my hand as I got my first T shot. He was the first thing I saw when I woke up from both top surgery and my sterilization procedure. He bitched at the social security office because it was all bullshit, he got in long, annoying phone calls with the bank. He renewed his vows with me last year in front of all our friends and family. He's the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. I would do anything for him. I love him so much.

Sorry, I know I'm gushing, this isn't what the blog's for, but I just... need you all to understand that when K asked me to shittalk my husband, how impossible that felt. How cruel it felt. And I also want any other trans folks reading this to know that you can find your person, you don't have to give up on love. Someone out there is gonna love you, they're gonna think you're so fucking hot, they're gonna bend over backwards to make you happy. And you deserve it, too.

Sorry about the rambling. Hope all yall have a good day.

AITA for not complaining about my sex/love life?

A bit nsfw. I'll try to keep it vague.

So I (31FTM) came out and transitioned about 5 years ago. My husband (34, cis M) and I were married beforehand. He was extremely relieved, as he had realized he was gay and didn't know how to tell me. It's like a fairy tale if Disney thought we were marketable 💜 just a bit of context to what happened next.

I have a group of friends, straight cis women my age, who knew me pretransition. They were relatively supportive, minus a few confused questions and a couple of comments early on about how hard it was to remember my name.

I was out to brunch with 3 of them (K, S, L, all early 30s/late 20s). L is engaged, S recently got serious with a guy, and K is perpetually single.

We were all chatting and eventually got on the topic of romance. S was complaining that her boyfriend never did the dishes. L laughed and said she had to essentially train her fiance to do certain household chores. K piped up with some sort of "men are the worst" comment, which I just sort of ignored, until she turned to me and said "So what gets on your nerves about YOUR husband, OP?"

I shrugged and said that sometimes he leaves his socks on the floor, but that's about it. K rolled her eyes and said there had to be SOMETHING that pissed me off about him, like "he's bad in bed or doesn't listen to you." I snapped a little and told her that no, actually, I don't care what you say about your partners but mine is actually really great, and I love him. He's great in bed, he's very caring and passionate, he listens to me all the time, and I won't be convinced to shittalk him.

It got quiet and I just decided to leave cash for my part of the bill and leave. I went home to snuggle into my husband's arms on the couch and tell him what happened. He just laughed and said I could shittalk him if I wanted. I don't think he really got why I was so upset.

That afternoon, K texted me and said I really embarrassed her in front of everyone and wanted me to apologize for what I said. I refused and told her that I wasn't gonna apologize because she assumed I didn't like my husband and I corrected her. She called me a bitch and went radio silent. I texted S and L and asked them if they were okay, no response yet.

My husband thinks I should just apologize, but I don't want to say sorry for refusing to talk badly about someone who supported me during one of the hardest times of my life, even if he'd be fine with it. It just makes me feel wrong.

AITA?

[with-love-anu]

Honestly I just went thru those terf blogs and Anu nothing we say or do is gonna remotely affect them because they've lost all empathy towards people. And I was the anon who said we shouldn't call terfs feminist and they can die mad about it. Some people can never ever understand the amount of privilege they abuse. The whole point of our argument is that these people have basic empathy and kindness but they just don't. They don't care. We can't educate them because getting educated is a choice. And they don't wish to make it. Honestly at this point I just pity them because they choose to go through this world remaining on the wrong side of the history. They just make the choice to be the villain. And not a moral villain. A bad stupid villain. Also to all my trans friends reading this, I love all of you and so do a lot of others. Sometimes it's hard to unhear what these dumbasses have to say and I get that but try to remember that we all there to defend you and fight for you. Be you. Don't let someone without a basic understanding in science and no empathy and kindness get you down. Your are pretty, you are beautiful and most importantly you are valid. The only person having any say on your identity is you. Nothing else matters when it comes to your understanding. I hope y'all have a noice day. Keep shining 🌟💖🤗

You wanna hear my opinion? I do have the answers to every single one of their questions. I refuse to waste my energy on them. Did they reply to your expanded biology reply? No they didn't. Did they reply to @/thepaintedpage? No they didn't.

Because all they have are invalid second handed arguments. Because even they can't fight facts. Seeing how they found my post even tho I didn't tag it properly shows that they're willing to waste their breath on something so very stupid. Trans women = women and it's going to stay that way whether they like it or not.

Tempting me to reblog again won't get on my nerves I have the patience of Saint when I need to. And if any of them are stalking my blog and reading this, no your replies don't effect me even a little. I mean, other than making me laugh and entertain me.

To all the trans women and men following me, you're all beautiful and valid I love you and support you. I hope you have a great day and live wonderful lives.

[x-keeprunning-x]

I'm cishet ace so im the exact ppl theyre trying to keep out but dw I consider myself straight I won't take any of these "resources" everyone keeps talking abt.

I see both sides of this I really do and I wanna know what OP was reacting to. Because trans women do deserve to be centered in conversations about TERFs bc duh its in the name. And I can see why if she saw something that was trying to center ace ppl it'd invoke this kind of post.

BUT. I think it's important to emphasize the comparison between the way aces are invalidated to the way bisexuals were as well, and that both of those ideologies came around from TERFs. Not to say "aces are as oppressed" but to acknowledge that these ideas are backwards and coming from the same people who hate trans women. The first reply made a very good point in that way about how they're the same ppl.

We need solidarity against these ppl, and maybe by pointing out that the same ppl who are ace exclus are *transphobes,* we might save someone naive from going down that rabbit hole and becoming a baby terf. Because that's how it starts. (But like the important emphasis should definitely be "don't listen to that person about ace/pan/bi discourse bc they're a transphobe." Transphobia should be the main bad point.)

Exhibit A: (also my only exhibit)

So like. idk. I've already listed all the reasons why I'm not qualified to weigh in but I'm here anyway so. Make the comparison in a not tone deaf way and recognize that trans women are the primary target of their wrath and that other orientations are secondary targets. Not to be that guy but: hitler imprisoned lots of non jewish ppl but we still center them because they were the main victims. But we can do that while also acknowledging that he targeted gay men, POC, Romani, etc etc.

I guess I shouldn't come to tumblr for nuanced thinking but fr y'all it's not black and white

there is no part of the terf ideology that has anything to do with ace discourse. literally none at all. if you think it does then you fundamentally misunderstand what terf means and you are beyond help. stop watering down the issue of transmisogyny. trans women are enough to fight for, we are enough to grieve for, and our problems are enough to stand up for on their own, so it makes absolutely no goddamn sense to make the issue about an entirely unrelated topic bc you can’t muster up the empathy for us to not twist the discussion around your internet arguments. tme ppl can and will reblog just keep your mouth shut for once