#y'all look forward to my silly stories... cry

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Can I just say I enjoy your writing soo much! Also thank you for doing WIP Wednesday! I literally look forward to it every week now.

thank you anon!! <3 i'm glad TwT

[enbypotat53]

So I've been compiling images (and composing myself), I think I'm ready to give my two cents. This'll be broken up into parts because only 10 images per post, so look forward to uh.. a lot! :,)

(MAJOR SPOILERS FOR II EPISODE 17 UNDER CUT)

We're starting with the Purgatory Mansion crew! And ohhh holy FUCK do I have a lot to say about them. First of all just. Fuck. God. Fan rambling during Test Tube's death, trying to keep himself composed?? And his denial of her death, just.. broke me. Painty having to be the one to snap him back into reality and TELL him that she's dead?? AUGHHHH 😭😭

ALSO THE PHONE?? MAN. THAT. THAT HURT.

SPEAKING OF PAINTBRUSH!

Okay I just. I genuinely this this was THE most gut-wrenching scene of II. Period. FUCKING PROPS TO JAZZY MOTHERFUCKING OLIVER CAN I LIKE. MARRY HER?? (/PLATONIC)

Okay so if y'all know me I'm pretty sure you know by now Paintbrush is my favourite OSC character. EVER. Their entire arc, their story, it just. It means so, so much to me. They're the entire reason I discovered I was nonbinary in the first place. They helped me find ways of dealing with anger in a healthy way. This fuckin' paintbrush has done more for me than I think.. ANY other fictional character in the history of ever?? This scene?? I genuinely nearly threw up from how hard I was sobbing.

Also can I just say how glad I am that Jazzy is voicing Paintbrush?? Like I don't think I've mentioned this enough but her vocal skills in this scene were PHENOMINAL and she SERIOUSLY did Painty justice. Good lord when they started crying I screamed out loud. Just. Lightbulb sacrificing herself for them, the whole "you need to be the leader now" thing?? Painty watching whilst all their friends die around them and they just have to sit there?? They can do nothing about it?? FUCK.

Them trying so hard to fight for her?? To SAVE her?? I just. I can't.

Not to mention just. This. Fuck. I'm a hardcore lightbrush shipper through and through so to me this is the equivalent of a child just trying to support their parent through the death of the other parent, but. Even if you see them platonically this hits DEEP. Their best friend, their rock, the silly to their serious, just died in front of them. The only things remaining being her lifeless corpse and a crab that she once gifted to them in memory of their friendship. Plus the symbolism of their flame dying out when Lightbulb dies?? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO FIGHT FOR?? ADAM ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME.

Yeah can you tell I love these guys?? (I'd post the image of Painty BEGGING Bow to tell them how to get back from death, but 10 images per post limit fucked me over :P)

(Hotel folk next!)

[alphaofdarkness]

Okay Dany, convince me to ship Kidge. What is the appeal of this ship? (genuinely asking because I've only watched season 1 and I'm curious)

⁉️👀⁉️

Not gonna lie anon, your question caught me off guard at 2am on a Sunday,, I was like 😳

“Oh shit someone's asking me?? About a ship?!” The intimidating question was so real and all I could do was literally go on a feral tirade on why I love Kidge so much and legit made no sense and just kept wondering in between moments of clarity on how I can properly defend myself on why I like the ship 😩 (not that I need to or have too, enough time has passed where I can say,,, just let me ship and be blissfully happy UwU, I do not car e anymore lol)

I will say that I want to keep this brief (as best I can, because heck I went feral just talking to myself on why I like the ship), I’m not the best at explaining things like some other amazing people might in the ship tag. But take what I say with a grain of salt and hope I don’t scare you off with whatever I do type.

**Note: This is not entirely brief liike how I wanted and I hate myself,, feck,,, I failed step one immediately**

Imma do bullet points, thoughts and prayers y'all cause I did my best to explain my chaotic thoughts lol ;;w;;

First and foremost! I definitely recommend that you watch the show in the general scope of a viewer and not just focusing on a ship. I think everyone should and would be aware of that~ but much like my initial watch I wasn’t paying much attention to the show and lore and story because I was distracted~. It wasn’t with Kidge at the time, but it definitely impeded my watch in the beginning as well as me falling off the fandom for a while into season 3-5. Plus, me rushing through those seasons when season 7 was coming around like, blood hell Alpha.

I think it goes without saying because the show is really good and love the found family aspect of it most importantly 👏🏼👏🏼 I am a sob and a fecking mess about this trope and I will forever cry over it.

I highly recommend watching the show in increments too instead of just binging it because you will lose information much faster 😭 and also it is just so fun to look forward to watch it the next day. I had so much fun this month just rewatching the show and am kind of depressed that it’s over lol 😔

Don’t cry because it’s over be happy for the journey (and all the fanfics you can reread again with full, understanding knowledge 😌)

Additionally, it is fun to reflect on the episodes re-watched, to better retain the info, at least for me, I can be slow with digesting new information (especially after so long), but it also made me giddy just talking to myself about the silly or serious shenanigans happening in the episode.

Second of all! I don’t want to convince you to ship Kidge 😩 I want you to convince yourself on why they would be good and cute together from your perspective! 👏🏼👏🏼

I personally think that they just work so well together, and while their initial interactions are short and brief, I love seeing them just standing next to each other or sharing panels during the fight sequences through much of the early seasons! I will say liike season 7 (even season 8) is like a holy grail for Kidge shippers because— 😩👏🏼 AH, took a while to get there, but we made it besties!!

Considering you’ve only seen season 1, I won’t dive into too many spoilers! To the best of my ability, I will say, I tended to focus on where the two stood by one another a lot and how they interacted in their lions and as Voltron and outside of it! ~

1. They both have family members/familial others on the trip to the Kerberos mission and just the whole concept of them looking for their respective familial figures.

Like that’s is the first part of the whole “WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL 😩” the way the two of them are shown to fight tooth and nail to save and go out of their way to figure out where their family members are is just 🤧✨ I truly believe if there was an opportunity to grow and develop them together it would have been over this.

I also find it incredibly fascinating that they are two of the most prominent characters that dive into their backstories in flashback sequences through the seasons ahead (we got a glimpse of Pidge's backstory in season 1 with a few more down the line). And how similar the two are in some of their experiences like school and being bullied and how their familial figures guide them (Shiro to Keith and Matt, and her father, to Pidge).

Hell, all of this could have been played as platonic all the way through or something more. Like I was there for it 👏🏼 I feel like this is a strong cemented stone on why I ship them a lot and keep me going on the potential their relationship could have been if they knew one another before the pilot episode. I just think it would have been cool, two conspiracy theorist bypassing the government to search for the truth!

2. They are literally the right and left arms of Voltron; the sword and shield ✨

I sincerely wish so much that again their relationship could have been developed more in the early seasons with this aspect, especially since we see how developed both Lance and Hunk are with each other (I mean they are literally best friends at the Garrison, I needed most of that with Kidge especially since they would be the opposite to them so it would have great to see them develop together as the arms of Voltron 🤧).

I just think it would have been nice to see it play out on how well they work together on the field and off it. I will say! It isn't all lost, especially into season 3 and like late season 6 and onwards! I say the dynamic of Shiro and Pidge in their lions and as Voltron currently is what kind of develops in Keith and Pidge later! I hope you can make sense of that later on as you keep watching 👀!

3. Other general things about their tropes and personalities just give me more fuel to ship them, such as:

Them both being introverted to heck in their respective ways; the techie nerd and the emo loner like,,, sillies!

I am always someone who loves looking at character color palettes and how they mesh well together; so believe me I lost my mind when Kidge shippers literally came up with Kidgemas cause of their red and green colors and I just *screams* 🌿🔥

I love both their personalities and how similar, yet different, they are to one another in that respect; they both have a drive and fire in them, their sarcasm and jibs to the others is so funny.

I'm not over season 1 episode,,, 2? Of the team training together and like,,, first of all, the two's small spat because Pidge couldn't concentrate during the mental exercise, but literally leaping to her defense when Allura threw food goo at her like,, Ah I just love her sarcasm to Allura then "The princess of what, your not ours--" and i just like go off queen, but also please no fighting 😩 y’all are going to be family ah,,, i love my dysfunctional family so much ya'll

Keith making a face at the action and immediately "Go loose, Pidge" LIKE AH! 👏🏼👏🏼😩😩

But they also have their calm moments of serene clarity and peace that is heighted with their interactions with the other characters as well!

I also noticed how they both tend to be the mature ones in some cases and some situations when around the other or a shared mature figure like Shiro; Keith by like a lot, clearly, but I was increasingly surprised by how Pidge maintained some serious temperament during missions, especially when around Hunk and most definitely around Lance lol (It is funny tho how serious and mildly annoyed she gets to his flirtatious ways, but can also immediately just let her guard down and have giddy fun with him when something catches her interest, it's so cute and hilarious 😌).

I also just love their development through the show of just letting their guard down around the others overtime! Especially with Keith and how his lone wolf personality melts away (believe me I lost my mind at how many sweet moments were between him and Hunk and IM just here crying at how Keith was able to smile and have fun around him 😭 💛❤️ got me all emotional i fecking criED). As well as Pidge with the others, especially after she told them about her true identity and how she wants to be able to work with them better without any secrets (On a side note, I wish there was more moments with Allura and Pidge earlier on ;;;o;;; SHE LEARNED ALTEAN FOR HER AND CORAN AND IM JUST,,, sweetie I love you! YOUR HONOR THEY ARE SISTERS! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼).

Ah shit, is that season 1 or 2? ;;w;; well, she learns it a nice fact! My girl is such a genius like how did she not like,,, move up grades in school, she is so intelligent , i could never. Not gonna lie, I feel like the team wouldn't be as successful with intel if they didn't have her and her tech wizard skills because DAMN.

Also how Keith was so up and arms when Pidge wanted to leave initially like!? Please ;;w;; sir has abandonment issues, please don't leave sweetie (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀); but also a similar scene occurs, very briefly, later on in reverse :) so take that as you will! It is very small, almost negligible if you aren't paying attention to it.

It is made better by a concluding panel that Kidge shippers just lose their minds over ! (Me, I am kidge shippers and I lost my mind over and over because they are just — *cries and sobs* perfecto!)

Very minor thing, but the height difference (in general im weak in the knees for this) always gets me crying, screaming, throwing up, going feral on the ground. My dearest Pidge, she may gain some legs later in life, but like she is definitely still tiny and I sob, give us short queens some representation because it is so hard out here, and we will kill you (not Allura bending down to her height in that episode she was planning to leave; how NOT to talk to a short person Allura lol 😩)

I think it goes without saying that the whole team, including Keith, are protective of Pidge like as they should be and I just *grins mischievously* can say with confidence that he do 😌

Definitely more of a personal headcanon, and there is a Kidge art of it floating around somewhere in the tag, if they actually had more moments and trained together, but I love Pidge being taught on how to defend herself, especially one on one and like her managing to take down Keith in training and he's just like "⁉️⁉️😳⁉️⁉️” God, I love a woman that can kick my ass trope *chokes*.

I am a sucker for hearing their voices and tone and emotions, so you know for damn well I am listening to them just say the others name in a soft or sarcastic tone lol (I love Steven Yeun's voice, my Glenn 😭, I am a mess for not appreciating Keith before in my initial watch of the show).

Ah, I can go on and off about them, especially about the later seasons but like you're just going to have to take a look of it yourself as you go into it 😌

Once again, I definitely recommend you watch the show for what it is in its storytelling and lore and character development; you can keep a close eyed view of Kidge in the background, but definitely rewind for the moments or stop and pause or rewind for the information given in story.

I hope you enjoyed my nonsense speak and take something away from it or ignore it altogether. I don't mind, I want you, overall, to convince yourself on why you would like to ship Kidge as you watch the show, if at all! We are all here for a fun and good time after the show's initial debut 😌🌿🔥

Have a small doodle of Kidge! My first time drawing them after like 4 1/2 years and I am just,,, yelling at my growth in art and how cute I made them look; mild spoiler, I suppose, of their older selves appearances~ Hope you like! 😌✌🏼

Enjoy your day anon!

[aroaceconfessions]

https://aroaceconfessions.tumblr.com/post/694895420173877248/im-writing-a-book-wher HI I HIT SUBMIT TOO EARLY AND ME AND MY SIATER WERE CRYING TEARS OG LAUGHTER AGSHSAA

My dog made me fumble with my phone (he really wanted attention) so blame Peanut

But yeah I'm writing a book and I've got aspec characters in it that deal with alienation/demonization and I'm still working out of the plot but there's monsters (it's basically a slur at first that's later reclaimed) and humans and being a monster is like, an allegory to being queer and neurodivergent and since I've revived the old wip it stemmed from I've been learning so much about my community!! And like!!! This is such a comfort wip omg

I'm not sure when it will be published but you bet your bread I'll have sensitivity readers because I want to represent communities without much rep! I'm just, so excited to publish it when I get there!!

It's about a changeling living in a society that hates beings like him. Over the course of the story he's going to make connections with others like him, learn to overcome his internalized hatred, and eventually accept and appreciate what sets him apart. Very coming of age story with social commentary elements! And that's stuff I can't delve too much into ;)

I never had anything like it growing up and it resulted in a lot of internalized hatred, confusion, and overall discontent. So I'm hoping this book will help people (or otherwise) like me feel seen, heard, and appreciated

I'm trying to include loveless rep, alloaros, romo aros, aroaces, and etc. My MC is aplaro but this isn't something that's fixed or bad!! He's just dealing with a lot! I also wrote one of my mcs to struggle with hormones like I do, another whose dysmorphia stems from his moral dilemmas, and multiple trans characters- some who experience dysphoria and others who don't! My main parent is a transman, there's foster siblings rep, and possibly a wavership that develops between two or more characters!!

And my cast is predominantly POC (mc is culturally east asian, his mom is east asian, a black transgirl, an afro caribbean vampire, mc's foster father is caribbean, etc) because we have enough predominantly white casts and more cultures deserve to be included accurately and with care!

There's lots of friendship, casual intimacy, normalization of unrequited feelings- stuff I preach about on the daily. My main goal with the book is to start conversations about things that only seem to matter to us aspecs

I'll properly advertise it when it's done but yeah the wip means a lot because it's a very personal, very important, very queer! And to think this all began from just a silly little sims 3 file

That's all I can share at the moment!! It's still a wip so a lot is bound to change. I was just sharing what's pretty concrete so far! Mainly because y'all were expressing interest and I'm really enjoying conceptualizing it :D

I also can't spoil too much for when it does come out! The very idea of someone taking all this makes me feel a bit ill, haha

But I hope you enjoy what I've shared thus far 💚

Looking forward to reading it!

[sneezehq]

Repairs

Two sisters, in the aftermath of the battle at Haven.

This is another fic that I've had in the works for a while, as this idea has been living in my head rent free since I finished watching volume 5. God that season just gave me so many feelings about these two, and I just love these two and their relationship to bits. So yeah, I thought I'd write it down and y'all can check it out. Enjoy!

For all her claims that she’s fine and more worried about the rest of them, Ruby crashes hard after the battle at Haven.

She manages to stay awake long enough to be interviewed by the Mistral police, although she does have to keep stifling the occasional yawn into her hand as she answers their questions. Ruby is barely able to keep her eyes open when she’s handed off to the medical team that was called in, but she reluctantly hangs on to consciousness long enough to get checked out.

As soon as she’s released, Ruby passes out, curling up with her head on Yang’s shoulder and snoring softly. She gets a few concerned looks from Weiss and Blake, but Yang just lets out a loud sigh and runs a hand through her sister’s hair.

They sit like that for a while, as the sun slowly creeps up in the sky, as Weiss is ushered off with a pair of medics and Blake is taken aside by a pair of faunus that Yang assumes are her parents. At one point, Sun is sitting with them—when did he get here? Yang tries to get Ruby to lay down properly, if she’s going to sleep, but her sister had stubbornly insisted that she was totally fine and that she was definitely going to stay awake, before immediately dozing off again.

For all of Qrow’s boasting about knowing everyone and his connections with other huntsmen, it doesn’t spare him (or the rest of them) from extensive questioning by the police about the attack on Haven. By the time they’re all cleared to leave, the sun is firmly in the sky and the day is well into morning.

“Hey, wake up, sleepyhead,” Yang teases, shaking her sister’s shoulder gently. “They’re letting us go.”

“Guh’what?” Ruby mumbles, eloquent as always when she wakes up. She scrubs at her eyes with one hand and brushes her bangs out of her face. It doesn’t do much, as the rest of her hair is a tangled mess. She looks up at Yang, blinking blearily. “Where are we going?”

“Back to the house, silly.” Yang reaches out a hand to help her to her feet. “You awake enough to walk?”

“Of course! I’m totally fine!” Ruby insists petulantly, batting aside the offer of help and clumsily scrambling to her feet. With her hair a tangled mess, flushed cheeks, and sleepy pout, she looks like the five-year-old that Yang used to read stories to. “Let’s go!”

Yang is willing to humor her at first, but after the third time that her sister trips over her own feet and nearly faceplants into the road, she decides that it’s time for her to step in. It takes some cajoling—and some quick rearranging of weapons (because Yang is not walking the whole way back with Crescent Rose jabbing her in the spine, Ruby’s baby or no)—but Ruby eventually gives in. She reluctantly clambers onto Yang’s back, with Nora carrying her beloved sniper-scythe beside them, promising to keep it within Ruby’s line of sight so that she can keep an eye on her weapon.

Despite her vehement protests that she was fine to walk and that she wasn’t even remotely tired anyway, Ruby is out within minutes, her head slumping forward against Yang’s neck. She doesn’t even stir when they arrive back at the house. It’s all too worryingly similar to the comatose state her sister was in after the fall of Beacon, and although Yang tries to banish those darker memories, she can’t help the relieved sigh she breathes when Ruby finally wakes upon being unceremoniously deposited on the floor of their room.

Scowling, Ruby starts to make an unsteady, shambling beeline towards the nearest bed, but she’s stopped by Yang’s hand on her shoulder. “Not yet,” she scolds gently. “Shower first, then sleep.”

Ruby glares at her, looking for all the world like an angry toddler who missed her naptime. “You’re mean.”

“Really hitting me where it hurts, sis.” Yang pats her sister’s shoulder. “Come on, I’ll get you something to eat afterwards. You’ll have weird dreams if you go to bed on an empty stomach.” Ruby pouts, swatting at Yang’s hand, but she reluctantly grabs her things and heads in the direction of the showers.

Heading to the kitchen, Yang quickly decides on sandwiches and fixes a pair of plates, making sure to leave a couple extra out on the counter in case anyone else is hungry. She’s exhausted, and every muscle in her body aches, but she knows from experience that she’ll feel less crappy when she wakes up if she takes a shower and eats something first.

She arrives back at the room to find Ruby fresh from the shower, hair damp and pajamas on, and hands her a plate. Ruby scarfs down the food as if she’s afraid that Yang will take the food away from her.

“How’s your head?” Yang asks when Ruby finally decides to come up for air. The medics had cleared her for a concussion, but she’d still taken a pretty hard hit from Emerald.

Ruby squints at her, grabbing another sandwich. “It hurts,” she mumbles through another mouthful of food.

“Anything else hurting?”

Her sister blinks slowly at her and shrugs, putting her half-finished sandwich down and resting her head on the table. “Everything?” she says finally, sounding more asleep than awake.

Yang nudges her awake before she can fall asleep at the table. “Go lay down in the bed if you’re going to sleep.” She holds out a couple of pain pills. “But first, take these and drink some more water. I’m getting in the shower.”

Ruby rolls her eyes but does as she’s told, downing the pills with a large swallow and stumbling off in the direction of the beds.

Freshly showered and dressed for bed, Yang expects to find her sister passed out for good, probably snoring loudly and drooling on the pillow. To her surprise, she emerges from the bathroom to find her sister watching her, propped up on her side by an elbow. She’s also laying in Yang’s bed.

“I didn’t think that you’d still be awake,” Yang comments, crossing the room and plopping down next to Ruby. “And scoot over, you’re hogging the bed.”

Ruby scoots, and Yang settles in, pulling the covers the covers up to her chin. As soon as she lays down, Ruby is pressed up against her side, tucking her head into the crook of her neck. Yang smiles at the contact, running her fingers through her sister’s soft hair. “So, what are you still doing up?”

Ruby is quiet for so long that Yang starts to wonder if she’s finally dozing off. “You were crying earlier.” Her voice is so quiet that Yang has to strain to hear it.

“Huh?”

“I noticed it earlier, when you came back with the lamp,” Ruby says, stifling a yawn. “Did something happen down in the vault?’

Oh. She hadn’t thought that anyone had noticed. She didn’t think that Qrow noticed, and if he had he hadn’t brough it up. But of course Ruby wouldn’t miss something like that. “I,” she begins, before trailing off. She’d lied to Qrow, earlier, but she can’t quite bring herself to lie to Ruby. “I ran into my mom, down in the vault.”

“Oh,” her sister murmurs. “Wait, did she try to hurt you?” Ruby scrambles to try to sit up, as if expecting Yang to be hiding some grievous injury from her.

Yang stops her with a hand on her arm. “No, no, she didn’t hurt me.” Not physically at least. “If anything, I hurt her. I might have yelled at her when I ran into her.”

“Oh,” Ruby says again. “Good.”

Yang almost does a double take. If she had been drinking something, she definitely would have spit it out. “That’s good?”

“Yeah,” Ruby nods, her chin bumping gently against Yang’s collarbone. “She left you, and I don’t know why she left you, but I know that her leaving hurt you. A lot. It’s not good to keep all that hurt inside you, you know. I heard what you said to Weiss, and I’m sorry that I left you too.”

Speechless, her head spinning (and not just because Ruby is being a massive hypocrite right now), Yang flounders for a moment before responding. “You were right to leave,” she says, although it pains her to admit it. “And you know that you’ve more than made up for that already. I forgave you pretty much the moment you left. You were hurting too, and I took it out on you. That’s not fair, and I’m sorry.” She pauses, brushing some hair out of her face. Ruby makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle. “But,” she takes a breath. “You know that the same goes for you, right? You can put up a façade all you like but I know that you’re hurting, and you can’t keep hiding it from everyone like this.”

Ruby sniffles again, scrubbing at her face. “I know,” she mumbles, her voice raw. “But I’m scared. Sometimes it feels like if I try to talk about it, I’ll just fall apart. I don’t have time for that.”

“If you fall apart, we’ll all be here to put you back together,” Yang soothes, running her hand up and down Ruby’s shoulder. “You’ve been strong for the rest of us when we were falling apart, so let us return the favor for once.”

“Yang? I’m scared.”

“Me too, Ruby.”

“Y’know, after the fall of Beacon, I don’t remember much,” Ruby says hesitantly. “Once minute I was on top of the tower, and—” she cuts herself off. “And the next I was at home, and everyone was gone. It was—it was really scary.” She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes again. “I’m scared it’ll happen again. What if I close my eyes and everyone is gone again? I just got you guys back.”

“Well, I know that I’m not going anywhere. When you wake up, I promise I’ll still be here. And I can’t speak for the others, but,” she pauses to wipe her own eyes. “I guarantee you that if you don’t get some sleep Weiss is going to yell at you. She’ll probably yell at you anyway. I’m sure she can find a reason. And Blake,” She takes a deep breath to brace herself. “I don’t think, well I hope, anyway that she didn’t come all this way just to leave again. She said she wasn’t planning on going anywhere, so I guess we’ll have to trust her.”

“You’re right,” Ruby murmurs sleepily. She yawns. “Yang? I’m really tired.”

Yang smiles fondly, pressing a kiss to the top of her sister’s head. “I bet. Get some rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

[for-his-dream-xciii]

New Happiness (F)

Pairing: sf9 chani x reader.

Genre: fluff, one shot.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 3k.

A/N: Hello there, if anyone is reading this, I hope you can enjoy this story a lot. This is my first time writing a thing like this so, I’m sorry for all my mistakes. Also, english is not my first language so again sorry, hehe. I noticed that there aren’t many sf9 scenarios and since I craved for a chani scenario a lot because he’s my baby, I got inspired by a dream I had so I wrote this, also adding more elements to make it more interesting. Fantasies, I love y’all.♡

Also a big thank you to Guille who helped me a lot with this and for being the only one who is always there for me when I cry about chani.~

As you were arriving to the venue you still couldn’t believe how your sister had managed to convince your mother into letting her go to this concert and by all means drag you with her as well. You were trying to concentrate all your energies into the upcoming exams you had to prepare for this semester so, dealing with this stuff right now felt like a waste of time and got a little bit on your nerves. Of course you loved your sister a lot, and you would do anything for her, but right now you were just so stressed that everything in your surroundings felt annoying and you just wanted to get this done so you could get back home as soon as possible.

Spring was around the corner when the news about this indie band that wasn’t even that famous came along. And so, Amelie, your little sister, got interested in them a lot, since she liked the simple vibe their songs had, unlike other girls of her age, her interests were different and very unique. You were certainly quite proud of how well she had grown up through the years, after helping your mother to raise her in any aspect you could. You three were alone in the world, and because of that you were always there to support each other.

The concert date was approaching but you just kept studying and didn’t pay much attention to your sister who was so excited about it. Though, deep down you were happy that she had found a thing or two to distract herself in a healthy way from all the stressful stuff she had going on sometimes.

D-day was here and now Amelie and you were waiting on the line outside the venue with a bunch of people. There weren’t that many but it was enough to fill both floors inside. The queue moved, and you proceeded to pay for the tickets with the code you had already saved online a couple weeks ago, you gave it to the boy who was attending and he handed you over the two tickets with no problems.

Calmly and side hugging your sis, you entered the hall, now the only thing left was for them to open the doors and then the concert would be starting soon. You were sure it wouldn’t be that long, as soon as the sun went completely down they will be done and you will get to finally go home.

You separated from the hug and while walking you decided to check your phone and as you tried to reply to the messages from your best friend who was telling you how she couldn’t decide what she was going to have for dinner you stumbled into someone.

“Oh my- I am so sorry.” you said as your eyes went up to meet a brown haired guy who was also looking apologetically for not paying attention to where he was going either.

You both stayed still for a moment. Breathless for a second that felt like forever.

“Chani? Lucas! Hey, how are you?” Amelie said smiling. Chani and you were still staring at each other. He had the cutest, shiniest brown eyes and the sweetest stare you had ever seen before. But of course, you being you, got overwhelmed at the situation and immediately looked away before you even dare to blush. How did this guy managed to almost get that from you? Yes, he was very good looking but, was it that much of a big deal to almost make you blush? You took a quick glance at him again, from head to toe, his beauty was truly breathtaking and you felt a rush of excitement running through your body. May all at those love-at-first-sight stories be damn, you did not believe in such things. But again, who said love? You were allowed to think a guy looked extremely fine at first sight, right?

Wait, so Amelie knew them?

“Y/N, this is Lucas, he’s one of my classmates.” your sister explained. “And he’s Chani, his older brother.”

You all exchanged some polite “Nice to meet you.” and then proceeded to keep walking to the doors, where a certain amount of people were already gathering.

After saying your goodbyes, Lucas and Chani kept walking forward, you and your sister stayed still, close to one of the doors.

“So… I guess you aren’t that close to Lucas. I thought you two would maybe want to go inside together.” you stated while watching Amelie’s reaction, she looked unbothered. “It’s better when you have nice people to share this kinda stuff with, you know.” You were hoping not to sound too lonely, but Amelie looked up at you.

“It’s okay dude, we are here together.” And that’s how she cut off the subject and y'all finally got inside the venue a few minutes later.

While going inside many people went to the second floor and many people chose to stay in the first one. The truth was, each floor had a nice view of the scenario so it was really up to the personal preferences of each person to choose where you were going to stay during the whole presentation. Amelie wanted to stay in the first one so you went further to get close to the stage, even though a lot of people were already stuck right beside it.

As you waited, a few songs of the band were softly playing as background music so you were hoping to recognize some songs later on when they will came out and do them live.

While you were enjoying one particular song, you had this weird feeling that a gaze was on you, so you started to look around and yet everybody seemed to be minding their own business jamming to the songs or talking to each other, it wasn’t until you started to scan the second floor when your eyes met Chani’s for the second time that evening. The moment it happened he played it cool, looking away while keeping a straight face. In fact, when you had just met him a few minutes ago, he was also holding this serious, yet not rude expression. It only made you more curious about him.

You turned to look at the stage again, trying to not think about Chani anymore, and kept humming to a song Amelie made sure to get it stuck in your subconscious before today.

As the background music died, the band members started to come out and all the people cheered for them warmly. The concert was going great, many of the songs were slow jams but it was a very enjoyable atmosphere. At some point you grow weak and looked up to check on Chani, he seemed to be enjoying this even more than Lucas. You really started to regret the fact that he and Amelie weren’t close enough to stick together earlier.

But then you got an idea.

“Hey… wanna go to the second floor?” you asked, trying not to look straight at Amelie’s face, she would read through you right away and you weren’t sure if you could give her a proper explanation to your sudden request.

“Why? We are fine here, besides I’m sure there’s only a few more songs left. What if we don’t get a comfortable spot? We are okay here.” she said without looking at you. She was right, the concert was probably gonna end soon because you could tell the sun was starting to go down, just as you predicted. The concert will be done as soon as the sun gets fully hidden.

“You’re right, but still... we should go up. Don’t you think it would be great if we can see the two perspectives of the show? I mean, we are lucky enough to be here. We should enjoy it as much as we can.” And from where the hell did all of that came? You were taken aback yourself at how smooth you sounded.

For a moment, Amelie stood unbothered, but then she looked up at you.

“Alright then, let’s go.” YES. YES. Wait, why am I so excited? Please, be chill.

You both quickly took the stairs so you wouldn’t miss many parts of the show taking too much time going up. As soon as you started moving through the people who were on this floor you regretted coming here. What were you thinking? It’s not like you could just go wherever Lucas and Chani were and act like y'all were friends or something.

You spotted them leaning on the railing and decided to play it cool so you would look like you didn’t see them and were casually going around.

But Amelie also spotted them, and right away she looked at you smiling. “Oh… my God.”

“What?” you asked looking at her. She knew you too well. She knew you don’t usually do this kind of stuff just because. You must have a reason.

“You brought me here so we could be closer to Chani? Did you like him? You from all people? The almighty I-don’t-have-time-for-boys Y/N? This is hilarious.”

“Oh please don’t be silly-”

“I thought It was weird when you asked to move, you hate moving around in events like this. Now it makes sense.”

“It’s really not like that Amelie-”

“Hey.” she stopped on her tracks. “For once, let me help you, as much as you always help me. Come on.” She grabbed your hand and started to drag you closer to where to boys were. “Just try to be friendly you know, I mean wait, don’t, don’t try, just be you and see what’s up. I will do my best to get along with Lucas so you two can freely talk.”

“What? Amelie I swear-” but you never got to finish your sentence because you were already behind the boys.

“Hey guys, we meet again.” Amelie let out, both turned around. Chani looked at you gifting you a shy smile. W-was he really smiling at… you? CHILL, REMEMBER TO BE CHILL.

“Hey, are you guys having fun?” you asked, you exchanged looks with Lucas and he felt relieved… Relieved? Relieved of what?

“One of the best shows I ever attended to.” said Lucas now looking at Amelie, she returned a smile to him. “And now that you’re both finally here I shall finally have peac-” he was interrupted by Chani. “I’m sure what my little brother is trying to say is that he’s glad we are not alone anymore, he gets easily tired of me. Don’t you, little demon?” Chani said while ruffling his hair.

“Please, let go of me, talk to her alre-”

“Don’t y'all love this song?” Chani half screamed, you jumped a little bit because of his voice, he had a very low tone while speaking and that half scream took you by surprise.

As if Amelie immediately understood what was going on she turned to Lucas and started to talk about lot of stuff related to the songs, the band and members. You were left wondering why she waited to this day and this moment to finally get close to this boy. Was she really trying her best because she thought you liked Chani and she could help you both to get along if she did the same with Lucas? You truly raised the sweetest girl.

“So… how long has it been since you know this band? I thought they weren’t that popular?” You asked Chani, now all of you moving to lean again into the railing. The sun was still present but it wasn’t hot, unlike many concerts that are during the day, today was a lovely spring day and for some reason your body just felt super relaxed, as if you lungs were getting clearer oxygen, it was a strange but exciting sensation.

“I actually discovered them about a year and a half ago, I think. Ever since I found out about them, both me and Lucas enjoyed many of their songs so, coming today was a must.” He replied, looking at the stage where the vocalist was looking at one of his bandmates and smiling.

You found yourself admiring Chani’s side profile, he seemed to have no bad angles…

“That’s cute.” you laughed. “I actually don’t know many of their songs but I came here for Amelie.”

“I guess I owe Amelie a big one.” he let out on an almost inaudible voice, thinking you wouldn’t be able to catch it, still focused on the stage where the band was starting the last chorus of that song. But you did hear it.

And that’s all it took. You were blushing. As you were just admiring how it was such a beautiful day, now you suddenly felt hot. And even if you didn’t understand why, you liked it. Though, the little tingles in your stomach made you panic. You could be just assuming things, you thought. Don’t.

Brushing off the tingles you decided to also focus on the stage now, where the drummer was explaining how only 3 songs were left.

You were sad, why didn’t you think about coming up here earlier. You hadn’t done much, and you still didn’t know how to face him and tell him you wanted to know more about him.

As you kept struggling searching for the right words to say so you wouldn’t sound too desperate, you heard Lucas and Amelie who now were a little far from Chani and you, but their conversation still was able to reach your ears.

“… I swear, the entire concert Chani hasn’t shut up about your sister, he wanted to convince me to go down on the first floor but I told him It would look creepy, besides, I didn’t want to bother you two, you gave me the impression of wanting to be left alone.” You were one hundred percent sure neither of them knew you were listening, so you kept a straight face and kept looking at the scenario.

“Oh no, don’t worry.” Amelie said. “I also thought It was strange of my sister, wanting to come up here. I guess they shared a thing.” she mischievously laughed. “And please, don’t think about us like that, I’m just not good at making friends I guess and well my sister, yes she looks kinda scary because she doesn’t smile that much, but she is very friendly once you get to know her.”

“Guess Chani just found someone who will understand him-” Lucas started to laugh.

“Also…” Amelie wasn’t finished. “I do like you a lot, you know Christina told me about what you did for her, I thought you were a very nice person. I’m just not too talkative, It’s truly not your fault.”

“Well, you are being talkative now… Thank you, I guess. It’s good to know… I also think you are a very nice person yourself.”

They both kept chatting and your attention went back to the stage when only 2 songs were left.

Chani and you kept exchanging shy looks and he came closer to you, so now his right arm oftenly made contact with your left arm. The tingles again. May them be damn.

“You know…” you finally said, looking directly at Chani’s eyes. As the sun was now directly hitting you both, you now had to close one of your eyes while looking up to him. According to you, you probably looked ridiculous. But for Chani, he felt his heart melt as he found you quite adorable.

The whole concert he kept looking at you. He never saw a girl like you before. You had this cool and serious aura, he felt very attracted to you since your eyes met again inside the venue. He kept having this strange feeling of wanting to get to know you. And since he couldn’t come up with a better idea he started to let it all out with Lucas. He kept asking him about you, and of course Lucas didn’t know much. He told Chani the only things he ever heard Amelie said, about how much time you dedicate to college, that’s why you couldn’t always be there for some of Amelie’s school activities. Unlike Chani, who spent a lot of time helping Lucas with them. So that’s why you two had never met before.

“I think their last song today is gonna be one of my favorites.” you breathed. You felt happy. A brand new kind of happy. You were glowing. So then, you gave him a little smile.

That’s all it took for him. He broke into a wide smile staring at you. He was almost speechless. He wanted nothing more than to get enough luck so you would get interested in him too. Having you by his side felt so right and warm, at that moment he knew he didn’t ever wanted you to go too far away from him, he had a thousand butterflies going crazy in his stomach so after a rush of courage he let out. “So… uh, if you want to, maybe I could give you my number? Is that okay?” His heart was about to jump from that second floor as if going into a suicide mission.

“That sounds great, I shall give you mine too then.” You agreed, you looked away while the last song started. You refused to look at him again, you didn’t want him to notice how flustered you were, you felt so damn lucky as if you had just won the lottery. Gathering all your strength, you managed to get back to your cool stare, while the song was breaking into the chorus you tried to enjoy the last drops of today’s show. Just as you predicted the sunset was here. As the song was reaching the end, by instinct you looked up and locked stares with Chani who was being sunkissed in the most beautiful way you never knew a person could be, smiling at you. While looking straight into his eyes, your heartbeats went faster and appreciating all his features you couldn’t help to wonder if you ever would be able to kiss him like the sun was doing it right now.

[ravenwolf1132]

They Come and Go

This was just a quick plot bunny that I came up with on the fly while listening to the fma ost and merry go round of life. Shaggy, who as I picture him, is someone who values nature and the prospect of life, comes across someone attempting to do the impossible and breach the laws of nature and the way life flows to try and bring back his dead wife. A woman he loved more than life itself and had a very healthy relationship with, which unfortunately their time together has been cut short due to an untimely death. He's trying to bring her back to life and Shaggy has to talk some sense into him a la Fullmetal Alchemist style. (As in philosophy, heavy topics like death and grief, and trying to move on with one's life. Just a warning to y'all)

Kinda just jumps right into the confrontation between them. No set up what-so-ever as if it's just after the dramatic reveal and you turned on the TV at the end of the episode. So, LET'S-A GO!!

(Oh and Clarence and Myrtle were just names I came up with on the fly, so picture them how you want.)

~•~●~•~

They Come and Go

"Clarence?!" The Mystery Inc exclaimed all except Shaggy.

"But why?" Velma asked she was sure that the sweet and kind man was innocent.

Clarence scoffed, "because of my wife, that's why!"

"Huh?"

"Ugh, guys, like, it's easy," Shaggy drawled in a bored tone, all eyes were on him. "His wife is dead, and he wanted to bring her back to life. Isn't that right, Clarence?" He held up the book the man was trying to steal. "I have to say, all this set up and elaborate planning is a little much for trying to steal a single book. Then again, like, perhaps you wanted to scare everyone away so there would be no witnesses to the atrocity you were about to commit!"

"But how can wanting your loved ones back be an atrocity?!" He shouted in outrage, "Don't you have people you'd miss if they died?! Wouldn't you want to do anything to bring them back again?!"

"Yes, I do have people like that, they're all around me," Shaggy admitted. "But, like, there's a difference between wanting to do something and actually attempting it. There are many people who want to try and bring their loved ones back to life, yes, that's true. Hell, that's a natural part of the grieving process. But, there are few who actually attempt it, and even fewer that succeed. Even then, they're still losing that battle. But that's another story entirely."

"That doesn't make any sense, isn't bringing the dead back to life supposed to be impossible?" Fred asked.

"Exactly my point, Fred," Shaggy said. "It is impossible. The closest we've got is cloning, and, like, even then, those clones are different than the person we initially tried to bring back. There's no bringing the dead back to life, it's just not possible."

"So what?!" Clarence yelled, "just because those people failed, doesn't mean I will too!"

"Oh really?" Shaggy questioned with a quirked eyebrow. His voice was level and calm, and the others knew that Shaggy only ever got like this when he was pissed off. Wisely, they backed off and let him speak. "You really think you are powerful enough to play the hand of God? I'm not a big religious believer myself, but even I know that life is something way out of our human control. Nature is something that cannot be controlled, everything will eventually go back to the way it was, how nature intended it to be. That's the problem we have here. Going against that flow of life, that innate cycle that cannot be changed nor altered is the problem. You have to accept it, not fight against it. If someone were to be brought back to life, it would only disrupt nature's balance and destroy ecosystems. Let's say that the person you brought back was content wherever they ended up, would they be grateful to you and thank you for a needless rescue then?

"What if, even worse, they were brought back immortal? Can you name one person that would want to be physically unable to die? No, I doubt it. Immortality is considered more of a curse than a blessing. Not only would it throw a permanent wrench in the circle of life itself, yes I did just make a lion king reference but it's relevant! But it would also destroy the person who came back, unable to die while they have to watch those around them grow up and pass on themselves.

"How would they feel towards you if you were the reason they were miserable? That they were robbed of that chance of having a happy afterlife by you and as rubbing salt in the wound, would never be able to have that chance again, and would have to watch as other people die and are given it instead, because of you and your selfish desires to have the love of your life back? Well, I'm telling ya now pal, that's gonna get you an eternity in the dog house."

Clarence looked like he had been slapped across the face and it seemed as if he was finally woken up from his delusions. He hung his head in shame and his shoulders started to shake, the others thought he was going to explode with anger, but when they heard soft sobs coming from him, they realized he was crying. Shaggy doesn't usually like to make people cry and would try to make it up to them, but he didn't this time. He couldn't, he was right and he was standing by his belief, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to offer some comfort. He helped the emotionally distressed man out of his costume and binds and the man latched onto him and sobbed. Shaggy didn't say anything but hugged him back and let him pour it all out. When the sobs finally died down, he pulled back.

"Thank you," Clarence said in a quiet voice, "I see my wrongs now, but still. What am I supposed to do now? That hope was all I had left! Please, tell me, what I'm supposed to do??"

He was so distressed, the Gang had never dealt with a case like this, and it hurt them to see him like this and sympathized with him. After all, everyone has people they couldn't bear to lose, he had a point. But Shaggy seemed to know what he was doing.

"Like, I can't tell you that," he said with a sorrowful shake of his head, pulling out of the other man's vice-like grip. "You have to figure it out for yourself. I can't tell you what you have to do with your life as much as anyone else can, only you can make those decisions."

He stood up and turned his back to the man walking forwards a few steps before pausing, he glanced back and saw Clarence sitting there limp as a rag doll and he sighed quietly, barely a sound passing his lips.

"Well, if you want my advice…"

"Yes?" Clarence asked in a hopeful voice.

"You have to move on. Myrtle wouldn't want you wallowing in grief and self-pity, she'd want you to honor her memory by living a long, happy life even in her absence. But not for a second should you forget her."

"How could I? She's- or was- the love of my life, I- I couldn't just, just forget someone like that!"

Shaggy turned and smiled at him, it wasn't a confident grin or silly smirk, it was a genuine smile that had to make him wonder if this kid had been through something similar. "There you go," he acknowledged, "That's the first step to acceptance, admitting that she's gone. It'll be hard, trust me, I know. My dad, someone who I was really close to, was killed on duty. I know what it feels like to lose a loved one, but once they're gone, they're gone. No one can bring the dead back to life, Clarence. Not you, not me. But hey, I got through it. You will too. And anyone else dealing with it for that matter. It's a part of how life goes, and everyone will eventually have to face that same music too. But oh well, I'm just some humble hippie kid riding around in a van straight out of the 1960s with his friends and his dog, so what do I know?" He laughed and even the rest of the occupants in the room shared a chuckle. "Still, you have to keep going, Clare. To quote an obligatory teenage cartoon, 'you have two good legs, so get up and use them.'"

"Heh, you're right," Clarence said, "though I probably would have gotten away with all this if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and your dog."

"Rog? Rhere?"

The room's atmosphere lightened at the familiar quip. Then Daphne spoke up.

"Well, the good thing is," she started, "this whole thing was private and no one but us knows that you were the monster. So how about we let this one slide for once? We'll just return the book and say we found it when the monster disappeared, though we are also going to be sure to explain how the monster won't show up again. Not unless it's someone else doing it, of course."

"We'd let you off with a slap on the wrist, but I think Shaggy has that covered," Velma said.

He laughed, embarrassed, "Well anyway, like, how about we hit the town and get dinner? After all this excitement, I'm starving!"

"Reah! Re roo!" Scooby agreed with a wag of his tail.

That night consisted of returning the book to the museum, explaining to the town how the monster won't come back, then proceeding to hang loose with some fun. Only Shaggy could really turn from any heavy and depressing topic to something light-hearted so quickly.

~•~●~•~

The closest thing we humans have to immortality is human memory. Remembering those who have passed on. As cliche as it may sound, the phrase "those who leave us don't truly leave us, they will continue to live on as long as we can remember them" still has merit. It's the only thing we can hope for beyond our grave that we made a big enough impact on those we love to be remembered for generations to come, that way, we can truly live forever as long as our memory still lives. I hope all those struggling to come to terms with death know that things will get better, and to those of you who are debating whether or not you're worth living, you are. You'll find your acceptance too, you just have to keep living to see the next day to eventually get there.

Boy, that went long, but I'm glad about how it came out. (And don't worry, I'm fine. It's just something I think was appropriate to address after writing a story with such heavy topics.) Well anyway, it's nearly midnight over here and I need to go to bed, G'night!

[curvesandtigerstripes]

Year End Reflections (No, I'm not dead)

This year... hasn't been an easy one.

At the beginning of this year, I found out that my body wasn't working right. It was a relief, because I had felt for a while that things weren't right, but it was also scary, and upsetting, and overwhelming. Fast forward to the end of the year, and while some things have gotten better, we still don't have my Graves Disease under control. According to my doctor, if upping my medication for the third time doesn't help, we may have to look into killing my thyroid altogether with radioactive iodine, making me hypo for the rest of my life. I've known this was a possibility from the moment I was diagnosed, but I had been hoping that if it came to that, it would be my choice, not something I'd be forced to do.

I haven't tried to stay healthy in all this, even thoough with my health on the line, it would totally make sense to. I've been stressed, I've reverted to old habits, and consequently I've gained... much more weight than I would have preferred. I'm not where I started, but I've gained back at least half of what I've lost. And part of me hates myself for it, but another part of me is just trying to remind myself that I need to love and forgive myself, because that's the first step to being genuinely happy with myself again.

So, this year has been... a bit of a dumpster fire. Yes, there have been good things - I got to go to JAPAN, for god's sake, and that was fucking amazing - but it feels like everything outside of that has been a bit of a wash. But I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to start over, so to speak. I'm ready to love myself again. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure if that means I'm ready to be back on here 110%, because I know it's gonna be hard, and I know I'm gonna slip up, and I have a really hard time feeling guilty when I do, like I'm letting people down. But I will try to check in, I will try to be more present.

I will learn to love myself again. That is my goal for 2018.

I'd also like to connect with people on here again, because while I myself haven't been super active, I log in multiple times every day and read so many stories y'all share, and I'm rooting for you, even when I don't say anything at all. So for that reason, I'd like to give a few shoutouts to the people I've been following, who have inspired me, who I've been silently cheering for. I hope y'all see this; if you don't, it's not a big deal, but I do hope you know how much you mean to me (and I'm sure to a lot of other people in this community).

@fatmaninalittlesuit - Dude, I don't even know what to say. I've followed you for years and you have always been such an inspiration, but this year you have absolutely killed it. You've worked so hard, and it's paid off tremendous dividends. I saw your ten selfies of 2017 post today and literally said out loud, "Holy shit, John, you don't even look like the same person - you look awesome!!" You look happy, you look strong, and you always have kind words of encouragement to share with us. Thank you for all you do in this community, and may your 2018 be rad as fuck.

@curvymommy70 - You have been so sweet to me. It seems like every time I've made a post complaining for crying about my circumstances, you've always been there to pat me on the back and reassure me things would be okay. You have been a rock for me in this community throughout the year, and I don't feel like I've done enough to convey how much I appreciate you. Thank you so much for everything, and I cannot wait to see what 2018 brings you (I hope it's only good things). :)

@plussizeadventure - I haven't really said two words to you, but I followed you earlier this year and I'm so glad I did. I know 2017 has been shitty for you too, but I can't tell you how much I love seeing your smiling face on my dash. You are funny, and smart, and determined as hell, and I find myself cheering you on in the face of your challenges, whether it's shitty advisors or cancer. The fact that you can still smile at the end of the day puts things in perspective for me, and if you can find things to smile about, then I sure as hell can too. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story with us - I know I don't always talk often, but I am always rooting for you!!

@mystoryfortheaudienceoftheworld - Another person who I only just started following this year, and now I look back and ask why??? You are such a delight, I love seeing your smile, your passion for life, even when things are rough, and your dancing gifs and videos make me wanna get up and shake it too! You are Hayden are PRECIOUS together, and I am so happy for the next phase of life you two get to embark on. I love seeing you on my dash. Also - and I hope this isn't too weird - you're only about four-ish hours away from me and I wanna be like, let's get brunch sometime! I feel like that would be an awesome meal. :)

@sweetiefiend - I know we haven't chatted in a hot minute, and I'm not in the GG fandom like I used to be, but I just love seeing you on my dash. You are gorgeous and kind and encouraging, and it seems like you've always reached out to me when I needed it the most. Thank you for that, and I hope 2018 is fucking awesome for you.

@sahraylia - My wifey until I die~~ You are always there for me, you are encouraging, kind, loving, patient, and you're not afraid to call me out when I need it - all of which I love you for so, so much. I hope I can be as supportive to you as you've always been for me. You always encourage me to be myself, especially when I need the reminder, and I can never express to you how much that means to me. I love you so, so much, and I hope 2018 is better than your 2017 was. <3

@dysfunctionalkitsune - I'm gonna see you tonight, it's probably inane to but this here, but girl. I am so grateful for you in my life. I never would have guessed all those years ago when we met in middle school that we'd be as close as we are now, but I am so glad we are. You are the fire that keeps me going, keeps me pursuing my dreams, even when I fall off the wagon multiple times per week. You helped us get to Japan this year, you always take me on fun adventures, your thirst for excitement and life is contagious and I'm so glad I know you for it. Having you as a friend means life is never boring, and I love that. I love you so much, and I can't wait to see where our next adventure takes us!

@starfieldeyes - I don't even know what to say to you, because words seem meaningless. You have been there for me in my worst times, when I sobbed on the phone, when I felt like everything was lost. You've been there to lift me up, wipe my tears, and sometimes slap me in the face and tell me to get over myself - all from hundreds of miles away. You always seem to know what I need when I need it, and I literally cannot express how much I love you & how lucky I am to have you in my life. The college we met at was not a good match for either of us, but I will always be grateful that I met you (and Brittany) there, and I wouldn't change a thing about going there if it means I get to have you both in my life. Thank you. I love you.

@mynameisbirdie - I feel like putting a shoutout here is silly, because you're my sister and all, but I don't know if I tell you enough how much you mean to me. You have become one of my very best friends, and I'm so happy that we are as close as we are. I'm so grateful that I can literally tell you anything and I know you won't judge me. I love that we share our interests with each other and drag each other down into our respective fandoms, I love that we laugh over rip vine compilations and quote John Mulaney to each other, I love everything about us and our relationship. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you so much.

I know there are people that I'm missing, but this has gone on too long already, lol. Here's hoping for a better 2018 than 2017 - for myself, for all my followers, and to whoever might be reading this right now. Let's make 2018 our bitch.

[mamashaysaid]

Zaza's 8th🎈🦄Birthday to the movies🎬 It was her first time and we had a lot of fun! 

To My Beautiful Daughter..

I'm not sure how many of the words you understand, but I know you feel my love through it all. When I breathe your scent in, when I kiss your forehead, when I rub your cheeks, or your little belly - your cheeks are my favorite because they are always so warm. They remind me of my great grandmother’s love.  I love you in ways that scare me. To the point where my eyes fill up with tears. I'm scared for you all the time. I turn my head to the stories. To the media. I try to stay out of my feelings, so I can push forward for you. In my feelings, I'd probably drown with sorrow but I'm growing to be the most positive person I can be, not only for Mama, but for both YOU and your BROTHER, too. He doesn't deserve to feel my anger for something that is not even his fault. It's no one's fault that you have to go through what you do. I'm just being selfish, right now. I feel like b/c I made you, I deserve you forever and ever. Some days I feel so cheated, like God betrayed me, like he or she is punishing us, but I can never figure out why… “What did we do so wrong?” “Was it that time when…?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why her and not me?” “Is this your way of showing me something?” “What was it that I was not seeing before, that you had to go and take it out on my baby?!!” All of these are pretty cruel questions to torture yourself with. I never want you to go through that or feel like because I have asked those questions, that I don’t want you or that I don’t love you the way that you are. Some days, I just feel resentful, and then I feel bitter towards people who don't even deserve to "have what they have". And I”m not even in the right place to say who is to have what they have! I feel that way about your brother too, with his situation (& his dad never keeping in touch), and I have to accept that one day, he's not going to be around me all the time anymore, and I can only hope that b/c of our family size and lack of support, that he will stay close to me - without him I might feel like I'm actually going to be more lonely and heartbroken than ever before. You kids are my heart. I always want to be a part of your world. 

& I want you to be mine forever, But the reality is that you're not promised to me. Neither of you are. Not for today or tomorrow. Your underlying condition makes things difficult to project the future, but I try not to think of that too much, because.. I can see you, the REAL you, under it all. Aicardi holds you back. It suppressed your spirit, but I can see it is COLORFUL. I hate that kids can't be kids b/c of limitations that are no fault of their own. It angers me b/c we can't fix it. No doctor can truly heal this. The damage is done. No money can buy or replace this. 

We can only look inward for the type of healing that we truly need.. I wish you could see it. How you look to me, from my eyes. How I felt about you, from my heart. I wish you could see how beautiful you are everyday. I wish you could hear your voice, like how I hear your voice.  I wish you could tell me you love me, your brother wishes he could make you laugh and hear you call him silly names and know exactly what you want for your birthday. I wish you could hug me, even giggle or smile at me, sometimes. It's only around your bday when I notice these things. I hate it. I would never wish this on anyone. Not this pain. Not even my worst enemy. Your birthday is supposed to be joyous, and yet i'm crying in the bathroom, writing this, b/c I don't even know if you understand that it is your birthday. I bought all these things for ME. You are at peace, just the way you are. I’m ashamed of being so vain. This is a personal problem, I suppose, because you are who you are. No difference to you. It crushes my soul and I suppress these types of feelings, so I don't have to go through the waves of grief all over again. I know no one will truly understand, until they’ve been through it. It's the same pain I felt that day, in the bathroom of Wake Med OB/GYN, right after they told me you'd have brain damage and “everything would be uncertain”. It's the same fuhcking pain every year, I’m sorry Zaza, I don’t mean to curse. I almost would rather stop breathing, than feel that pain again. Thank God I didn't lose you completely.  Thank God I get a chance to be your mom, even if I'm not perfect. But here I am. Your 8. Fuhcking 8 & after searching through Pinterest for an entire 2 hrs, searching for a birthday theme to light up your world, l realized I was searching only for my vanity. For my feelings. This shit breaks me down, in a way that I'd never be able to talk about out loud, without fear that I'd probably choke on my own tears. That's how I know I love you Zaza. I'd give my life, if it meant you could live a normal life or to live I wanted to give you. I'd give my lung if it meant you could breathe normal. My eyes if it meant you could see us smile and appreciate the beauty all around you.

My brain, if it meant you could understand how many people are rooting for you - if you could just tell me you love me, If you could understand just how much your little family wants the best for you. You could have all of my organs,  if it meant you could live a longer, healthier, more active life. BUT we are learning to live around it, and we are learning that normal is only a perception. We are healthy working with what we have, and that’s all we can do. 

BE CONTENT.

We are thriving on our own.. making a difference with our own story. We have our own way and it works for us and its productive, although can always improve, right? We just had to find our own, and it only took us forever b/c we have limited resources. 

But Miss Azana, YOU are strong, baby. Stronger than most of us out here. Stronger than most warriors, standing on their own 2 feet.  

You are Courageous. Sassy. Stylish. BEAUTIFUL AS EVER! Loving you teaches me that this world ain't for the weak. Loving you teaches me that love is not supposed to be conditional. Loving you teaches us that if we can endure your life, as a family, and if you can endure your own pain that you’ve had to go through already, then we can pretty much get through any little thing. Loving you teaches me patience, even though I don't want to be patient. Loving you teaches me how to love myself, how to love other people, for everything they are, and in between. You are our little LION, and our pact is exactly how it is supposed to be. 

I love you, and I truly believe if I can get strong enough, we can be together for a really long time. Looking at some of the other Aicardi girls, with the same abilities as you, and seeing how they are thriving into women - we can be like that too. There was a young lady I was reading about, who is 25, still lives with her parents, and she gets to go to the beach regularly, travelling all the time with her Mom and Dad. And even, the parents still vacation a lot with friends (as a couple) for respite, and their entire family sometimes, so the young lady is always thriving and happy and smiling, her brothers all go to college - LIFE IS GOOD FOR THEM..it’s not about “looking perfect”. You can see it’s hard, but you can also tell that they are happy. AND We can be that. We just have to keep believing in each other. And believing in you. 

……..I believe in you. I will fight for you. Even if my heart hurts. It's just a feeling. My feeling. And it will go away, like the other feelings went away. For NOW, you are HERE, and I’m going to LOVE YOU until I'm no longer.

Happy 8th Born Day, Miss Azana Neorah❣

You are, and have always been, my ULTIMATE LIGHT. 

(P.S) It was so hard to write this (back when I did, originally), and even harder to share right now… but I wanted to do this because, unlike most blogs… I wanted to share something raw from my heart.. Something that I’ve been dealing with for some time, that always eats at my spirit around this time of year because I know that there are other parents who feel this way around their kid’s birthday too, and I want y'all to know that  - YOU ARE NOT ALONE, in feeling that way. <3 

[fuck-customers]

scandal - cliques and sex

**i really love my manager, he was the manager at my store about 3 years ago before i transferred, he then left and then came back about a month or so after i transferred. i've came to him with so many problems - both work related and personally due to various things such as the death of a family member, mental health and even because i wanted time off to do some silly uni assignment last minute. he let me leave 45 mins early one day because i looked upset - he's a gem. and its not just me that he does this shit for - its everyone. i get on with him personally as we have similar interests. he's a pretty good boss most of the time, and he's never been an asshole to me.**

this is kind of a fuck-managers, fuck co-workers thing but anyway my work has broke into proper scandal recently. 

ANYWAY, its highly likely my boss is fucking one of my co-workers, let's call her becky so i don't refer to her as "this girl" 24/7. shes 25, hes 30. 

it's a huuuge story and we basically need to speak about it all for it to all make sense. (and believe me this is the cut version) 

when my boss become the store manager for the second time, everyone was happy cos he's amazing but there was a lot of giggling like, "oh becky will be happy, she loves him" blah blah blah all that bullshit. anyway, she had a boyfriend at the time and he was in a pretty serious long term relationship. i never thought anything of it, cos he is a pretty man and he seemed to be her "type". 

flash forward to about a year later, late 2016, she gets promoted to keyholder. she did a lot of opening shifts - often with my boss. again, i see no problem with this. she's full time and she gets on with everyone. progression. good for her. 

but this is when shit gets nasty! she becomes friends with these two part time girls - obviously there's nothing wrong with this but they form a pretty brutal clique. they managed to get shifts together and just sorta stood and spoke for the whole shift, had their lunches together and did no work whilst hating on everyone else for not doing work, idk whatever. they have this whatsapp chat, where they added pretty much every girl apart from me, a girl we will call "sally" (who similarly, fucked our old supervisor but thats a different story and they date now so its not as bad), the xmas temps, the other full time girl and the mature student whose part time. i cared at first but i got over it pretty soon. 

becky became very nasty to sally, basically because sally seen through her shit and called her out for being a bitch. becky managed to turn most of the girls away from sally, apart from those not in the chat and one of the girls in the groupchat ("emily") who never contributed. sally spoke to my boss about it because she was feeling really shitty, and he just kinda swept it under the carpet - very not a him thing to do. sally couldnt take it and ended up quitting - which is a shame, because sally was probs my closest friend at work.

i spoke to sally about this at a later date when we met up and she said that when she opened with becky and the manager they ignored her and made her do stupid tasks whilst they did really minor jobs together. she said it reminded her of what her and her now boyfriend used to do at work. this opens my eyes a lil, and i noticed anytime i am working with them that they talk a lot, and go on lunch together - my boss normally takes his lunch alone when shes not in and he used to drive home and eat it with his girlfriend - or he'd sit in a cafe.  

jumping a little bit, i was on a shift and was on the phone to a manager of another store, he asked to speak to our manager, and i couldnt find him anywhere. when i finally find him i just hand him the phone, not saying anything because the store was really busy. it sinks in as i walk away from him that i caught him crying. he doesn't properly bring it up again but he asks me and a few other people "what would you do if you saw me crying" - i feel mega guilty but act as if i honestly didnt see, cause its awkward. idk if i mentioned it before but he has like major depression, possibly bipolar but hasnt confronted his doctor on this (i dunno how many people know this) and like, i think some things get to him. like if him and the area manager disagree, or if him and his girlfriend fell out or if he fucked something simple up. hes quite reserved during the xmas period, and very unlike himself. i mention this to a supervisor im very good friends with a few weeks later and they tells me that hes been having problems with his girlfriend and she got rid of their pet dog, for no apparent reason.

so thats...really shit.

at some point becky and her boyfriend break up, im not sure but i notice after a facebook stalk at the start of 2017. this is around the time my manager starts to act more like himself and work feels more normal.

and this is when shit gets more obvious and more weird. 

there's a shift im on with the manager, emily and one of the boys we work with. one of our other managers is getting married and my boss recommended him his friend to be the photographer. so we're all talking about weddings and getting married and children. when we ask our manager about this, he acts flakey and says he doesnt want to get married. its left there but im in with the same people (excluding boss) and becky the next day and the conversation picks up - becky says she really wants to get married but doubts it will happen because she'll "probably fall in love with someone who doesn't want to get married".

my boss starts using his phone on the shopfloor, snapchatting and texting, it gets to the point that our area manager BANS him from using his phone. myself and other staff members notice that he's snapchatting becky a lot. emily tells us when she went on a night out with "the girls" (from the groupchat) becky wasn't off her phone, snapchatting him with "the girls" but then hiding her phone and texting him when she thought nobody was looking. obviously, her little clique seen nothing wrong with this, or blindly ignored it but by this point emily was sick of her shit. 

we win a staff night out. long story short, they go off together for ages. 

another time, she goes over to his house (that he shares with his girlfriend) with the shitty excuse that he was gonna fix her laptop, cos "he can fix them". 

i hear from the same supervisor that told me before about his relationship problems that his girlfriend was looking for jobs in another city without really consulting him. so things are pretty bad. 

emily (bless her) left the groupchat after too many bitching sessions. they start targeting this poor younger gal at work that becky decides to randomly argue with on facebook. they all claim they dislike her because "theres just something about her". i think the gal knows that becky despises her for no apparent reason and is sick of it so she blocks her. they dont really work together anyway, so idk, its a bit drastic but i suppose its fair. emily defends her and leaves. the next day at work, she shows us the whatsapp chat. 

becky screenshots a conversation between her and boss that has statements like "tbh i only hired her because she was hot" and him making a meme of her. its HORRIBLE. its so out of character and weird. and it seems even more fishy that becky is stirring it by showing a large chunk of the work group. personally i feel like becky knows exactly what shes doing, idk, i feel like shes took advantage of the pretty good nature of our sometimes unstable manager and make him like this. i have no idea, i could be biased cos i really like him - he could be using her as a bit on the side, taking advantage of the fact she always had a crush on him.

someone tells other management about the whatsapp, cause y'no... its sick. and emily shows the other managers the picture, and they call him up on it. he seems to be pretty apologetic about it but idk. becky sends emily passive aggressive texts about the whole thing saying she trusted her and whatever blah blah blah... i dont care. its a lot of shit.

someone at my work calls my manager on the way he is with becky and apparently just breaks down into tears and says he left his girlfriend last night and slept in his car. about a week later, someone else calls him out on it and he says he knows he's "been a dick" and kinda ignores the confrontation. i think hes back in his house now, no idea about his girlfriend.

beckys girl posse dont know anything about it, or claim not to, not even the two who shes closest to. i go to the same uni as one of them and one day we meet for lunch, it comes into conversation and she says "well its not any of my business" i try and remain neutral and say if they are doing anything its not fair on either of them and she says: "no its not fair on becky if he doesnt want to date her and only wants to fuck her", goes bright red and changes the subject. 

a few days later, emilys brother who works in a takeaway where becky lives sees both becky and our manager ordering (emilys brother comes into our work a lot - just before the "how did he know who they were" bullshit). he tells emily, and says to her just to say that he saw him, apparently he went bright red about this and quizzed emily on when this was (obv because he knew he was getting caught in this scandal) but she said she wasnt sure. 

so, this week, becky and my manager were caught coming to work together, when they live in complete opposite directions of eachother. i think someones reporting him and i think becky might be transferring to another store.

this is all confusing and a clusterfuck but it feels like something that would happen in a soap opera and its something that i thought i should share.

if there's any updates on either

- the clique being more bitchy

or

- manager/becky relations

i'll keep y'all posted!