#y’all feel free to send more asks on the theory in I enjoy thinking about it

[violets-arepurple]

Your theory on abilities being a trauma response is actually kind of correct! In the Gaiden light novel, it was stated that people develop abilities after some major event occurs rather than being born with them. I apparently can't send images on anon, so instead I'll copy and paste the specific excerpt I'm referring to (all translation credit goes to profqlasses on Twitter, she really did us Gaiden fans a massive service with her translation).

---

"Because my ability does not listen to my commands.

My ability lives in the shadow beneath my feet. With almost no definite form and like the shadow itself that wriggles autonomously, it’s an elusive ability lifeform. What I only know is that it has goat-like horns and is a bipedal beast, with nothing more than a black sickle to attack with. Everything else is ambiguous; even if you stare at it carefully, you still won’t be able to make out its figure. I don’t even know what it’s thinking.

I call it the Shadowling.

It’s hiding in my shadow now, thinking of something.

I don’t know when it will reveal itself or whom it will attack.

I don’t even know if it’s an enemy or an ally.

Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, I feel its gaze in my shadows, and my skin would grow cold.

A monster lurking within me.

An abnormality holding my breath behind my daily life.

“Sensei,” I muttered hoarsely. “Have you ever wished you didn’t have your ability?”

“What a very mature question,” replied Ayatsuji-sensei. “I can tell you the answer, but I don’t think a fledgling like you would catch it. You’ll need about ten years of suffering for that kind of excellent question. How many years has it been since your ability first awakened?”

I didn’t need to count with my fingers; the number had always been in my head.

“……Five years.”

“There are lots of obscurities as to when and how people acquire their abilities. But most of the time, there’s a certain trigger. In your case, it was your mother’s death. In Reigo Island’s Serial Murder Case five years ago. If it’s from something like that, it’s no wonder if one or two abilities would get involved there. And it’s regardless whether the person in question wants it or not.”

The Reigo Island Serial Murder Case that happened five years ago.

A case where tourists who visited the island suspiciously disappeared one by one.

Ever since Mother died in that case, I’ve had to deal with this unstable and baffling ability.

My senpai from the Special Division analyzed this ability as “a memento of my mother”. Whatever the reason was, my ability manifested because of Mother, which led me to be scouted by the Special Division. In that sense, it’s all thanks to Mother that I became an agent. In reference to that, Senpai once mentioned, “Think of it as a gift from your mother”.

However…

I remember the moment when the dark and cold figure of the Shadowling pierced the Special Forces members’ chests.

Without even a murderous intent but rather with a transparent and pure will to kill.

This—is a gift?"

---

It's kind of a long excerpt (so sorry for how much space this'll take up in your inbox), but it's really interesting and important. I'd also like to specifically emphasize the part where Ayatsuji says that "it's no wonder if one or two abilities would get involved there". One or two. This confirms that people can develop several abilities, which is an absolutely fascinating concept.

Anyway, Gaiden is literally So important to overall BSD lore, and it pains me that it's so criminally underrated. So, if you have the time, I highly suggest reading it :)

Thank you for the info Anon

The several abilities part is quite interesting as it could be reminiscent of people having multiple trauma responses/coping mechanisms in the face of trauma

Peoples abilities being uncontrollable at first is also important as for many people who have trauma it can be difficult for them to prevent the negative effect of their trauma and in Bsd it seems to be that the people with the most control over their ability have some sort of support system or recovery. Even characters like Akutagawa who seems to have control over his ability but he in fact uses it in a very self destructive way that only really causes harm to himself and others (this isn’t to say he’s bad due to his trauma that is a contributing factor but mental illness is a reason not an excuse)

This is also has interesting for Dazai as he has one of the most uncontrolled abilities, he’s constantly in defence mode as well as this he is the most obviously traumatised characters, as shown by his constant suicide attempts, manipulation and self sabotage. This means it may be possible that with some character development and healing he’ll be able to turn his ability off one day

[justflushme]

Fandom’s (that’s a me) Analysis on Chapter 76 TBHK/JSHK

Written: March 19, 2020

Let’s do this y’all (Navigation to previously written chapter analysis is linked at the bottom)

Ok first off, this chapter I found hella confusing I’ll say that but I think I made some sort of connections that could lead to some sort of theory. Alright let’s start! I’ll be going chronologically in the chapter with my reactions.

SHE JUS GRABBED THE KID THATS SO DAMN CUTE OMFG 😭

Ok this is what really tripped me over. The kid has a pulse and is warm meaning that he is in a human body. Of course Nene and Kou beleive this is Hanako’s descendant but honestly this kid could just be Hanako or Tsukasa. If it were a descendent, then maybe the whole Yugi family didn’t die? I thought the family suicide was about them but maybe it could have been another family.

OK WHY DIDNT NENE SAY “AMANE’S DESCENDENT” I bet the kid would have faltered then and would have given off more info! Also Kou is thinking in a good direction. I think the chapters forward are just going to keep causing Nene and Kou to think whether it’s Hanako or Tsukasa.

Did anyone else notice that the face on the phone looked like an adult type figure? The eyes were drawn in a style that resembled the adults in the manga. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of Hanako or Tsukasas parents.

I can’t, for the life of me, properly decipher that song. One night... Two dawns. Lowkey makes me think Hanako/Tsukasa was one person and the two dawns are his two personalities that got split when he became a ghost. But I doubt this is is true. Or one night could be a parent, two dawns could be a sibling, and all three are waiting for the morning. But what is to come at morning?

Also what happened to the other voice? In Chapter 75, there were two speech bubbles but Kou only sees one kid in that room. What happened to the other??

Ok this is interesting. These two moments in the chapter resemble certain school mysteries. In the second panel, we can see all the clocks on the ceiling resembling No. 1, the Clock keepers. In the first panel, this may be abstract, resembled the door Yashiro and Hanako were sucked through in No.6’s boundary.

The bugs in the trash pit of the boundary resemble the bugs that come out of the door Yashiro gets sucked into at “The Red House”. This may be a coincidence but I feel this is worth looking into. Maybe Yashiro is now going to be trapped into the pits of No.6’s boundary where Akane and Aoi were in chapter 69?

LMFAO KOU’S FACE AT THE END PFTTT. Also, WHAT A TSUKASA MOMENT. I know its up to interpretation so far on whether this kid is Hanako or Tsukasa, but what a perfect parallel of the earlier chapters where Yashiro was kidnapped. Here is the anime scene below.

I really want to believe this kid is Tsukasa but honestly its still too early to say. (I wrote a theory on the kid being Tsukasa which you can find if you look up “fandoms theories” on my blog :))

KOU PLEASE DONT CARRY HIM LIKE HE IS A PIECE OF LUGGAGE IM CRYING.

Alright,

So this chapter was pretty short, I’m guessing this is the start of a whole new arc where Kou has to save Yashiro. I will be confused if Yashiro is not heard from and it is just Kou centric because in the very first chapters of JSHK, Yashiro was seen as the narrator. I wonder if the authors just decided to ditch the concept or they swiftly changed narrators in the middle and the fandom didn’t notice.

As to whether the kid is Tsukasa or Amane, I don’t want to give up my position on the kid being Tsukasa but I am not cutting out the possibility it could be Amane. I’ve heard some theories that one twin is with Yashiro and Kou is dealing with another but I don’t know if that could be the case. The kid seemed to be exact same kid Yashiro took with her before she got sucked in. Maybe it is a scheme and a twin is acting like the first child but since the people who don’t want the kid to leave seem really protective, I think it is the same kid that got put back into the room Yashiro and Kou originally found him in.

I think the house isn’t centric to just Hanako or Tsukasa. I am going to go with the notion that this house is the one connection to all the seven mysteries. With the clocks (No. 1), the faucets (which could be a nod to Hanako’s bathroom), and the door bugs (No.6), maybe all of the seven mysteries have some belonging to this house. I used to think that the family suicide included Amane, Tsukasa, and their parents. Now, I don’t really know what to think. This chapter gave possibility to so many things that it is tough to find a theory that interlocks everything.

If I am correct (which idk) about Yashiro being sucked into No.6’s boundary, Aoi might show up in later chapters which could be interesting to see. I wonder if the house is a sort of time trapped loop or reality in which Amane/Tsukasa didn’t die and they live on in a human body stuck as a kid forever. Other than that, I am still way too confused on how the kid has a pulse.

Other random theories/questions (with not much basis for proof but interesting to think about haha):

- What if everyone who died in that house became one of the school mysteries. I mean of course this would be a weird mother and father thing to figure out but damn dude what if

- If the house is connected to all the seven mysteries, how did Mitsuba get roped into this? He became a school mystery when Tsukasa shoved the heart in his mouth so was it always planned that Mitsuba was to become a mystery? He has some sort of relation to the house as he took a photo of it but that could just be a coincidence.

- YO- ok ok. So what if that kid truly is Amane or Tsukasa right. He is one of the two. Let’s say the kid is Tsukasa (jus stick with me here) and Tsukasa is kept away to be with his toys. Amane was the one abused by the parents hence why the people who don’t want Tsukasa to leave are so protective of him staying in that house. If Amane was abused and Tsukasa was kept away, it might explain pent up resentment which could have led to Amane killing Tsukasa. I have no proof for this, I just think it could be interesting to think about. Of course it is tough to prove though because in Chapter 75, there were two voices in the room so maybe both twins were kept there.

I know I was all over the place with this analysis but I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to send me asks/chat with me on anything! I would love to hear your thoughts!

Navigation:

-> Chapter 77 Analysis (In construction)

<- Chapter 75 Analysis

[margoshansons]

Desperate Measures: 18/?

MASTERLIST

Summary: Y/N comes back to camp, where several people are waiting to welcome her. But she can’t stay long, especially with Finn and Murphy out there. Bellamy doesn’t take too kindly to a figure from Y/N’s past.

Warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of a massacre, swearing, guns, death.

Notes: MY BOY DESERVES FUCKING BETTER JROTH! Anyway, I decided y’all needed some healing after that last episode so please enjoy this long chapter filled with plenty of Bellamy/YN. 

If any of you guys ever need to talk about 7x13 and what happened, I’m always here for you. Based on 2x05 “Human Trials”

***

Her breath threatened to betray how strained she felt from the walk to Factory Station and back. She clutched Monroe closer to her. The two women, suffering from similar wounds, leaning on each other for support as they struggled to cross the last few meters.

Her side split in pain, legs buckling underneath the weight of Monroe on her shoulders. She thought she could feel the stitches in her leg come undone.

“They’re back!” Someone shouted as they collapsed against the grassy fields, Octavia relieving the weight by taking Monroe off her hands. Y/N raised herself up, leaning against Bellamy for support.

“I’ve got you sparky.” He whispered, a reassuring smile on his face. Y/N couldn’t find it in her to berate him about the nickname. Her energy cells were depleted, and her leg was ready to bust open. “You’re going to be okay,”

Her balance was thrown off by a body colliding into her, disbelief erupting in her body as she removed her arms from Bellamy’s neck to her long lost friend. The blonde curls impedeing her vision confirmed her theory. Clarke was home.

Clarke was safe.

“You’re okay” She murmured through tears threatening to escape her, voice breaking, “You’re alive.”

She felt Clarke’s smile against her shoulder, “I thought I’d never see you again,” The blonde murmured, tightening her embrace, not ready to let go.

“Neither did I.”

When the two women let go, Clarke shared another tight embrace with Bellamy and Y/N felt herself almost plowed over by another body colliding with hers.

“Holy shit you’re actually alive,”

Her heart almost stopped when she heard the voice in her ear, hands running through the dirty blonde waves that had once been so familiar to her.

She pulled away, unable to believe who she was seeing. “Kyle?” Her voice broke as she said his name for the first time since solitary.

“Hey Sparky,” Wick’s eyes glazed over before pulling her back in for a hug, arms tightening once again around her waist as she buried her face in his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his familiar frame, “I missed you,” He whispered in her hair.

She pushed herself away, wrestling herself out of his stupidly strong grip. “Hey,” she spoke through unshed tears, voice thick with emotion, “Feelings are dumb remember?”

He let out a chuckle and she forgot how much she missed hearing him laugh. “Right,” Wick replied, pulling her inward toward his side, “Feelings are stupid.”

She let out a similar chuckle before a cough threw them out of their reunion. Y/N locked eyes with Bellamy, her throat constricting as nerves jumped upward at the thought of them meeting. This was going to be awkward.

***

Bellamy curled his lips at the sight of the taller guy holding Y/N so close to him, and he didn’t really like the anger stirring within his stomach as he caught the looks they gave each other.

Not that he had any claim over her, but he thought they were headed toward something at least.

“Who’s this?” He asked, trying to keep the irritation from leaking through his voice.

Y/n swallowed before plastering a bright smile on her face, “This is Wick, he was my partner in engineering on the Ark.”

“In more ways than one.” Wick remarked, garnering a playful snort and a smack across the chest from Y/N.

Bellamy nodded, hoping the white hot rage deep in his gut wasn’t visible to everyone the way he thought it was. What the hell did he mean? Who was he to talk about her that way?

“Anyways,” Y/N continued, gesturing toward him, “This is Bellamy, he’s my…”

He swallowed as she creased her eyebrows, struggling to find a way to define their relationship. “He’s my co-leader.” She settled on, and he tried to ignore the way his shoulders seemed to deflate at the sound of the term. He had hoped they were something more.

He wanted to be something more.

Didn’t she?

“Nice to meet you man.” Wick offered his hand out, which Bellamy took for the sake of being polite. “Y/N’s told me all about you, you know before Councilor Sydney went all batshit and crashed the exodus ship.”

“Wait?” Y/N asked, “That was her? That makes so much more sense.”

Wick nodded, wanting to continue talking. Bellamy was grateful for Clarke’s interjection.

“We can play catch-up later” She announced, turning back toward Bellamy and Octavia, “Where’s Finn?”

He saw the hope in her eyes die as Bellamy uttered those three words. “Looking for you.”

Clarke stepped back, ready to launch into a series of questions about what had transpired until a gasp of pain coming from Y/N’s mouth tore them from their conversation.

“Y/N?” Wick’s trembling voice came from Bellamy’s side, the two boys rushing forward to catch her as her leg buckled “Hey, Sparky can you hear me?” Bellamy shoved down his irritation at the use of the nickname and focused on Y/N’s smaller frame. 

“Come on,” He urged, pulling her into his side, her head resting on his shoulder, almost fading out of consciousness from how hard she had walked. His breathing increased rapidly, heartbeat pounding against his ribs as they made their way to the med tent, Bellamy’s gaze never leaving hers.

If they had he would’ve caught the look of realization crossing Clarke and Wick’s faces.

***

For the first time in a very long time, Y/N actually felt somewhat normal. Her leg was hardly bothering her anymore and she could actually move it without worrying too much about any extra pain.

“Hey Sparky,” A familiar voice called beside her, and she smiled in relief as she realized that her reunion with Wick hadn’t been a dream.

“Hey Kyle,” She moaned as she pulled herself up, the lack of sleep over the past few days finally catching up to her. “Where’s everybody?” She asked through a yawn as she gazed around the medical walls surrounding her. She drew her eyes to the gaping hole in her jeans as she ran her fingers down the perfectly neat stitches, the other hand embracing Kyle’s. “How did I get here?”

“Bellamy Blake,” Wick responded, the slightest smirk on his face as he leaned back, releasing his grip on her hand, “You know I think he really cares about you.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, shifting her weight so her legs hung off the table, ready to jump to the ground. “I’m not doing this now.”

“Hey, you were the one who wanted me to come down to help with this situation.” Wick brought up, and she groaned, her feet slapping the floor as she remembered their conversation from long ago.

“I hate that you remembered that.” She uttered, able to walk better than usual. Her eyes glanced around until they fell on a pile of clothes not that far away.

Wick stood up to follow her, “I remember a lot of things, like how Jackson said that you shouldn’t spend anymore time on that leg until it’s fully healed.”

Y/N scoffed, ripping off her tank to replace it with a grey thermal from the pile. Wick’s eyes lingered on her torso, eyebrows shooting themselves up into an arch.

“You gonna stop staring or do I have to close that mouth of yours myself?” She teased, the familiar flirtation sending something uncomfortable ripping through her. 

She hated this feeling. 

She hated the fact that even having Wick here was bringing these memories back.

She hated that it wasn’t Bellamy she was trading innuendos with.

Y/N ignored the smirk spreading across Kyle’s face as he leaned back, “You were the one who broke things off, so just remember that when you want some of this.” He defended, gesturing to his body.

She threw her head back and cackled, the sound freeing her from some of the responsibility she had been shouldering since she came down.

It was true what they said.

Laughter really was the best medicine.

“You come all this way to try and rekindle something Wick?” She used his last name, knowing it was less intimate. First names meant something to them, they didn’t just throw it around because they could.

“Actually I’m here to check on you,” His eyes flickered to her bare legs as she pulled on a new pair of jeans, lacing up her boots as she turned to face him. “And to tell you that your friends are planning on going after the two you left behind.”

Finn and Murphy.

They were still out there and Clarke was back home.

As if sensing her confusion, Wick continued to explain, “The council’s cutting them loose, Raven and I are helping you guys sneak out.”

Y/N bit her cheek mirthlessly, “Great, when do we leave?”

The medical flap opened, revealing Raven standing there with a brace surrounding her bum leg, a duffel bag of rifles around her shoulder as she handed Y/N a pistol. “Now.”

***

Bellamy failed to hide his surprise upon meeting Raven and Y/N at the electric fence, the latter in fresh clothes with a pistol strapped to her side.

“I don’t like you coming with us.” He muttered, shifting his gaze between the two women.

“It’s a shame I don’t listen to you then.” She smirked, handing him a rifle as the pitter patter of footsteps rounded the corner.

Clarke smiled at the two of them, “Nice to see that not everything has changed.”

Bellamy scoffed, hiding the pleasure he felt at the idea of Y/N accompanying them on their journey. He liked her company, and he knew Clarke wouldn’t leave without several stashes of gauze and painkillers on her.

Octavia’s wild braids made an appearance and determination crossed her face. “I’m not letting you leave here without me.”

“Octavia--” Y/N moved before getting cut off by the other girl.

“Finn and Murphy are headed for Lincoln’s village,” She brought up, the argument clearly practiced, “I’ve been there, have you? Have they?” She threw a pointed look at Bellamy and Clarke before Y/N pulled out a pack.

“I was going to say I know.” She smirked, the two girls sharing a smile before Octavia moved forward.

“Whoa,” Raven drew her cane in front of his sister, “Not so fast Pocahontas.” Her cane touched the fence, electricity sparking and crackling as the five of them jumped back.

“I thought you said it was handled,” Bellamy growled.

“It is” Y/N spoke up, raising a radio to her mouth uttering three simple words. “Shut it down Wick.”

She handed the radio to Raven, and Bellamy once again tried to get a hold on the anger raging inside him at the thought of Y/N and Wick spending time together while he was out petitioning to save their friends.

He hadn’t been there for her. Not like Bellamy had,

The next time the cane touched the fence, nothing happened. And he supposed he had Wick to thank for that.

He sighed as they snuck out, barely catching the look Clarke gave him and Y/N as they shuffled forward behind Octavia, footsteps matching each other.

***

Bellamy shifted uncomfortably on the log, eyes locking onto Octavia’s sleeping frame, a small tug at his lips recalling everything the two had been through. Clarke slept a few beats away, curled up next to the flames, blonde hair splayed out on the grass beside him. He was grateful to have her back. Having her around made things so much easier.

When his eyes flitted to Y/N’s blanket, he perked up in worry, the pack abandoned on the forest floor as he looked around, searching anxiously for his co-leader, his friend, his...something.

“Relax,” Her soft voice answered, footsteps settling next to him before she sat down next to him, her body warming him more than any fire ever could. “I was just scouting the area,” She waved her pistol before holstering it in her pants like he once did, letting him know that she was armed and ready to defend herself.

He let out a sigh of relief before turning his gaze beside him, eyes scanning her illuminated features. She stared out at the fire before him, ponytail drifting over her shoulders as she leaned forward, elbows against her knees.

“Did you mean what you said?” He swallowed his nerves, ready to get an answer to the question that had been plaguing him since the day she got shot. “Back at the dropship, before we got seperated. Did you have feelings for me?”

He watched her shoulders tense at the question, and he knew he had taken it a step too far. They were in the middle of a war, they shouldn’t be talking about this. They shouldn’t be focusing on this, but he needed to know.

“Yes.” She breathed, eyes flickering to his mouth, “I do have feelings for you. Murphy was right.”

His chest exploded at the confirmation, nerves evaporating into relief as it pumped through his veins. 

“That’s a relief.” He joked to ease the tension, “I was afraid I had to beat Murphy if it wasn’t true.” She chuckled, the hushed laughter sending his chest pounding with pride. “Maybe I’ll beat him anyway.” He continued, his lips tugging involuntarily. “Just for kicks.”

“You should cut him some slack,” Y/N spoke up, surprising both of them before letting out a yawn “Even he and I have something in common.”

It was Bellamy’s turn to chuckle, “You should get some sleep,” He brushed a piece of hair that had fallen loose aside, pushing it behind her ear as he examined her beautiful face again, the touch sending shivers down his spine.

“So should you.” She pointed out, hands brushing themselves across the wrinkles in his forehead.

He couldn’t keep the adoring smile off his face, wanting nothing more than to press his lips against hers right then and there, to take her in his arms and forget the rest of the world existed. She made him want to be better.

She made him want to live.

“I’ll sleep when we find Finn,” He said, shoving those thoughts to the back of his mind as he remembered his own reality. “I knew what they were capable of, and I let him and Murphy leave with two automatic rifles.”

“We let them leave.” Y/N reminded him, grasping his hand in hers, drawing his gaze toward her intertwined digits. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

His gaze moved up her arm, meeting her exposed neck until it finally landed on her soft lips, and the desire to kiss her had never been greater until that moment.

It seemed so perfect.

The gap was almost nonexistent.

Inching closer and closer--

“I’m sure it was just like the dropship,” Clarke’s trembling voice rang through the fire, tearing the two apart. “It had to be done.”

Bellamy nodded slightly before shifting his gaze to the fire, one final question lingering on his mind. “How long until chocolate cake turns into being hung upside down and drained for their blood?” His voice shook, as if he couldn’t handle the truth. As if one wrong move would topple him.

“I don’t know” Clarke admitted, sitting up, “But we don’t have much time.”

Y/N nodded with him, “First we find Finn,” She chimed in, “And then we rescue our friends in Mount Weather.”

“And Lincoln.” Octavia announced, everyone finally awake. “Think we’ve slept long enough.” The rest of the group agreed.

“I’ll go find us some water to extinguish the fire.” Y/N announced, tearing herself out of Bellamy’s grasp to enter the darkened forest.

“She’s good for you Bellamy.” Clarke told him as soon as Y/N was out of earshot.

Bellamy nodded, ‘She’s good for all of us.” He said instead, ignoring the knowing look on Clarke’s face. “I don’t think any of us would’ve survived if she hadn’t been on that dropship.”

“You got that right.” Octavia snickered, a soft smile on her face as she caught the look in her brother’s eyes. “We got lucky.” She said.

Bellamy nodded, sending a look in the direction she had disappeared in. “Really lucky,” He murmured to himself.

***

“We’re almost there.” Octavia announced, continuing her way through the endless amounts of trees, “Once we reach the statue it’s only another kilometer or two.”

Y/N creased her eyebrows in confusion, she tilted her head as she linked eyes with Bellamy.

Statue?

Were there remnants of Old Earth that had survived the bombs?

Her question was answered once they stepped deep into a clearing, the dirt path stretching before them, but Y/N’s eyes were trained on a vine covered monument above her, a brief moment of awe crossing her face before a sob pulled her back to reality.

“The reapers came from there.” Octavia spoke, tears falling down her face, “I couldn’t save him Bell, I couldn’t save him.”

Bellamy pulled Octavia close, reassuring her that they would find Lincoln again and he would make sure of it. Y/N shuffled closer to Clarke, glad to have her with them as they traversed forward.

“I recognize this statue,” the blonde announced, “He was a great peacekeeper before the cataclysm.” Clarke and her stared up at the statue once again, letting Bellamy and Octavia have their moment. “I destroy my enemies by making them friends.” Clarke whispered, and Y/N tilted her head, not recognizing the quote. “It was quote of his. One that I think we need to implement.”

“How you reach the goal matters.” Y/N told herself, realizing what Clarke was hinting at, “You wanna seek peace with the grounders?” She asked, knowing it was the most logical conclusion.

Clarke nodded, “Their people are in the mountain too. We need--”

Shots rang out, pulling the foursome back to reality as they raced toward the village, hoping they weren’t too late.

They scrambled down the man-made path, dirt roads and statues forgotten as their eyes graced the horror awaiting them at the grounder village. A burnt farm crumbled at their side, blood poured onto the streets and a man with a face tattoo released a guttural scream to the sky. 

They scrambled down the hill, and Y/N’s gaze went to Murphy, whose gun was slung behind him. She turned her eyes to Finn, smoke rising from the barrel of his rifle.

She leaned down next to Octavia, examining the warrior--no, the child bleeding onto the pavement beneath him.

Beside her, the sobbing man closed the child’s eyes whispering one phrase. “Yu gonplei ste odon*.”

Behind her, Finn’s crazed eyes were locked onto Clarke’s whispering a phrase of his own.

“I found you.”

***

That night her mind refused to sleep, replaying the massacre over and over, recalling the final words the man with the face tattoo had spoken to that child, the screams that followed. She couldn’t get them out of her head, and when she slept they only made things worse.

She wanted Miller here.

She wanted him to steal moonshine and tell her that things were going to be okay, to cheer her up with his awful jokes and play games together as they spilled secrets they wouldn’t whisper to anyone else.

Pulling herself out of bed, she shoved the flap of her tent open, wind rushing against her exposed legs, not caring about who saw her. His tent was close enough to hers.

No one would question it.

Especially what remained of the hundred.

Warm light flooded the room, almost blinding her as she stormed into Bellamy’s tent, the brunette rushing his hands through his hair. She suspected his mind was doing the same thing.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Was all he asked, eyes widening.

She shook her head and he gestured toward his own bed, she moved in next to him, the last of the oil in the lamp burning out as she pressed her body against his, relishing in the warmth they gave each other.

***

A/N: IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!! Our babies are together at last! I debated about changing it so it happened much later, but after tonight I think we all could use some romance in our lives, especially with Bellamy Blake. 

DM Taglist (closed): @chloe-skywalker​ @im-a-writer-right​ @clarkewithameme​ @shatteredlovesick​ @your-typical-giggle​ @rhyxn​ @amongthewildthingss​ @furiouspockettoad​ @niammain​ @cxddlyash​ @lena-davina @kaylinfayezink​ @gingerxarmy​ @super-marvel-dale​ @travelnottogoanywherebuttogo​ @nerdbookish​ @valeskasecco @strangerliaa​ @simsvetements​ @molethemollie​ @thebookisbtr​ @im-a-stranger-thing​ @jordangdelacruz​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @multifandombookstore​ @okj232 @asian-male-enthusiast​ @minigranger​ @jooheonbee​ @libraryoffandomsuniverse​ @pancakefancake​ @weird-pale-blonde-person​

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I know we are all discussing the latest episode of Season 16, but I need to wrap up 11 for my own sanity (because there is a LOT to discuss in my Season 12 rewatch already), so without further ado - more rambling for you.

I’m not going to include 11x20: Don’t Call Me Shurley because I think I’d like to do an entire Chuck - arc - series.  Rob Benedict is a gift; that dad mug kills; and I love that the fan theories about Chuck spinning around this fandom for years turned out to be correct after all (WEIRD HOW THAT HAPPENS WITH CHARACTERS EH).  Moving on.

As you will recall, two recaps and many many many crackhead other posts from my corner of super hell ago, I ended the 11x18 recap with this image of Amara realizing...”something” after Dean said Cas’s name (just before she took Casifer with her), Dean/Amara unbreakable connection be damned. Speaking of unbreakable connection this post is partially the AMARA DISSERTATION.  Buckle up.

FF to 11x21: All in the Family; the boys are shooting the shit with Chuck and in the meantime, Amara is torturing Casifer.  Important to note that just recently the actual Cas was enlightened that Dean wants him to cast Lucifer out, so I presume he is a little more active at this point, and that strengthens the following hypothesis.  Look how Amara is looking at Casifer here:

And here, right before she touches him on the chest.

It’s the same look she gave Dean. She’s trying to decipher something; trying to figure something out. 

She appears to Dean in the VERY next scene, to show him how she is torturing Casifer.  But the real point is, of course, to show him how its affecting the physical form of Cas, reminding him its not just Lucifer who is suffering.  It works.  

DEAN 

Amara is – she's in my head. [Sam looks at him sharply] Hey, I didn't ask for it, okay? She just showed up. But she's showing me visions of – of Lucifer. By Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap – like she's really doing a number on him.

***Note, yet again, despite the *connection* Amara/Dean supposedly share, all he can think about and talk about is Cas.

And Amara knows it.  That’s the realization she has in 11x18.  Dean loves Cas.  Then, in 11x21 she realizes Cas loves Dean.  So, she uses it to her own ends.  Smart girl.  

Enter Donatello (I love him), prophet of (not) the Lord.  He, Metatron, and Sam set out to rescue Casifer while Dean distracts Amara.  If we start with the presumption she now has the prior additional insight, the following snippets of dialogue hit a little different.

AMARA

This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer?

*********

DEAN

You're right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.

AMARA

Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle. 

***AHEM, this was not the FACE CUPPING I requested.

What keeps Dean from having it all?  What is his struggle?  It’s not the monsters or the hunting.  Dean’s repeatedly shown he loves this life; he doesn't want anything else (and the one time he did try it in Season 6, it was half-ass at best, and he left the minute Sam returned to go back to hunting).  Dean’s KEY struggle in the show is internal.  He represses his feelings, pushes his pain aside, resulting in a cycle of self-loathing and anger.  That cycle keeps him from having it all - accepting he can be loved, allowing himself to give his heart to someone else.  And at this point, Amara not only knows that someone else is Cas, she knows that Cas feels the same way.  Girl, welcome to super hell.  Take a damn seat by Sam.

11x22: We Happy Few

I’ll skim through this one so this post doesn’t completely make your eyes bleed due to the sheer length.  

The splicing with the scenes of everyone assembling different factions to form the new “line-up” needed to trap Amara is excellent. I’ve already done a short post on the brilliance of Dean heading to get Crowley and the ex-boyfriend mood of it all (Dean, of all people, telling Crowley to sober up gives me an ENTIRE head canon of the Crowley/demon!Dean unseen dynamic in Season 10).   And of COURSE Dean knows exactly what to say to convince Crowley to get on board. I also enjoy our future Sam-witch as the emissary to Rowena (”three’s a coven” would be a great tattoo, TBH).

BONUS:

I love her.

Big fight scene with Amara ensues, but this isn’t the finale so she cannot be beaten.  However, right before she mortally wounds Chuck, she does this:

[Yelling, LUCIFER charges her from behind again, but AMARA flings him hard against a support pillar across the room.]

AMARA

Goodbye, nephew.

[She banishes LUCIFER. CASTIEL slumps unconscious to the floor.]

DEAN: Cas! 

(He rushes AMARA, but she flings him away without effort.)

***She banishes Lucifer.  She could have just killed him.  Ended him entirely, and Cas along with him.  But she BANISHES LUCIFER.  Because of what she learned in the prior episode.  Because of the pain she saw in both of those idiots.

She does this for Dean.

Anyway, thank you Casifer FOR YOUR SERVICE.  I miss you already.

11x23: Alpha and Omega

There is nothing more precious than Dean sending his brother to check on GOD while he goes to check on his boyfriend:

DEAN: [Grunting]

Check on him.

SAM: [kneels next to Chuck]

Hey. Chuck?

[Dean kneels down next to Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. Cas stirs and looks up at Dean]

CAS:

Dean.

DEAN:

Cas? Hey, is that you?

***All the heart eyes for the reunion!!

*********ALSO SHOULDERRRRRRRR

Chuck is dying, Rowena bonds with him.  Crowley is gold in this finale.  I MISS YOU MARK.  This line is NOT in the transcript/script I used, and it potentially being ad libbed makes it even better.

Dean decides to deal with the end of the world by drinking ONE beer, then deciding there is “not enough” beer and grabbing Cas for a beer (and....*feelings*) run.

DEAN:

You know what? This isn't gonna be enough. I better make a run.

[Sighs]

No reason to die sober, huh?

[to Sam]

You want to?

SAM: [frustrated] 

No!

*********************

DEAN:

Be right back.

SAM:

I'll stay here, find our Plan B.

DEAN:

Okay. Cas, come on.

Nothing makes me more pleased than the assumption that of COURSE Cas is coming with him.  I mean, he just got him back.  Also, Sam is frustrated because he is back in super hell, obvi ;)   

***Now we have the little “you’re our brother” bit in the Impala beer run dialogue, but to me it’s because Dean doesn’t know how else to express what he’s feeling.  Repression, people.  

The look of literal PAIN on Cas’s face at the “brother” line makes me cackle.  Misha Collins DESERVES AN EMMY; he is doing the Lord’s work with his Acting Choices here.

This little part before is what really gets me though, especially with all of the WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

[Dean and Cas are driving in the Impala]

DEAN:

How you doing? You good?

I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.

CAS:

I was just... so stupid.

DEAN:

No, no, no. It wasn't stupid.

You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun.

Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.

CAS:

Well, it didn't work.

DEAN:

No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.

CAS:

I was just trying to help.

DEAN:

Well, and you do help, Cas.

***ITS JUST SO LOVELY.  Dean asking Cas how he is doing (what Cas always asks Dean); telling Cas he wasn’t stupid (throwback to Cas telling Dean he was stupid “for the right reasons”); acknowledging that Cas does HELP.  That he is important and appreciated.  THIS IS SUCH GROWTH.  I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Speak his love language, King.

Anyway, then Dean turns into a human bomb because martyr!dean gonna martyr and be “daddy’s (Chuck filling that role here) blunt little weapon” and we get -

THE DESTIEL GOODBYE. Tell me they didn’t actually go canon for the FIRST time here.  I will fight you.

LOOK at Cas watching him in the background. 

These fucking desolate eyes. I’m crying.

THEY JUST GOT EACH OTHER BACK -  

(I recognize this .gif is meh quality but I love that he turns and walks to him and Cas just GRABS him in this crushing hug)

DEAN [accepts the hug good-naturedly but then looks sad]

Okay, okay.

***”good naturedly??? ok Jensen “Acting Choices” Ackles. That is not “good nature” that is BLISS.

AND THEN THIS -

SOBS IN ENOCHIAN.

***I literally had to remind myself that the reunion hug is coming; it’s just an episode away.  I’ll make y’all feel better too; here it is - A PERFECT PARALLEL. Curse this show.

MORE OF THIS “GOOD NATURED” HUGGING PLEASE.

Anyways, back to depressing subtext.  

DEAN:

Okay, look. I want a big funeral.

All right? I'm talking epic.

Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.

*****This scene lives in my mind rent-free as PROOF 15x20 doesn’t exist.

I can’t skip over further growth in Dean’s goodbye to Sammy.

***He’s being serious. Seasons 1-3 Dean would never have admitted this.  I was a blubbering mess at this point.

So, Dean heads to Amara, and the rest of the gang heads to the bar.

CROWLEY:

Your round, Moose.

***I would love an entire bottle episode of Crowley, Sam, Rowena, and Chuck at that bar TBH.

And then, Dean saves the day.  BUT NOT by dying and sacrificing himself, letting himself be used as a weapon of mass destruction.  No, he fixes the DAMN WORLD by connecting to Amara emotionally, and bringing her and Chuck back together, because he understands that not to be alone is what she really needs; that her own struggle is the same as his - letting in love instead of raging against it and fighting her own need for companionship.   Because that’s where ELDEST SIBLING AMARA AND Dean Winchester CONNECT.  Amara isn’t in love with Dean.  She identifies with Dean.  She sees her own feelings in him, her own pain, and that’s why she exorcises Lucifer and saves Cas - FOR Dean.  Amara’s just a Dean girl, everyone.   And we know Dean girls protect Cas at all costs.

Yup.  Amara Dean Girl Darkness Heller.  

That’s it.  That’s the dissertation.

See you in Season 12, where I will attempt to figure out the reason behind the British Men of Letters, killing Hitler, the brain melt that is Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, the comedy of errors that is Cas playing Dean hot and cold, and the Mary Winchester of it all. 

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Alright, time for an important update--

There’s going to be some changes going on with the blog and I’m excited to talk about them. I’ll give full detail beneath the cut. Before I get into it, though, I know not everyone’s gonna read this long post, so I  wanna let y’all know that my inbox is fully open again, so you can send in anons and chat with me and whatnot. 

Asks

Like I already said in my previous update, I turned off my anons due to the flood of nasty messages I’ve been getting. They’re all deleted now, and any new ones that come in will be deleted. I’m done with them. I will not answer them. If you send them to me, then you’re wasting everyone’s time. Do better. 

Themed nights + New kinds of posts

I’ve previously talked about my feelings for the current state of the character/ships/seasons/etc nights and how they’re not as fun for me as they used to be. While I will always love chatting with you guys and hearing your opinions, it’s grown a bit stale for me to make “It’s character night, y’all!” every Saturday since by now, we’ve covered just about every character, and the same goes for the ships. 

I wanna do something new, y’know? Have new discussions that aren’t just “I love this character they baby,” and bounce around new ideas. On top of that, there’s a couple new post types I’m introducing. 

Lemme start with Fridays. I’ve gotten a couple asks in the past asking me to do these Top 10/Top 5 lists that I’ve loved creating! It got me thinking that there are a lot of different lists I could create for fun, so why not do one once a week? 

T5F, as I’ll tag them. The first one’s ready on the queue to go up tomorrow, and it’s a fun one-- a more silly subject to start with, y’know? It was run to write up, and I had some help from my screenshot dealer @pi-creates​ to create them, and I’m excited to share it with you. :D

On Saturdays, we’re going to hold something I’m calling--

The basic idea is that I’m going to give you an AU in just one sentence-- no other details, nothing else at all. You guys will take this idea, expand upon it, and the we discuss. 

For example, this Saturday’s AU is going to be: “Aasim took over as leader after Marlon’s death.”

That’s it, that’s all I’m giving you. It’s up to you guys to come up with the details, send ‘em in, and we’ll expand on it together. Make sense? 

I’m excited to start this new... what, series? I guess it could be a series... a new series of themed nights. How about that? I have a long list of different AU’s, and hell if you can think of any, please feel free to send ‘em in! 

So, that’ll be replacing Saturday’s usual character night. As for Sunday’s usual ship night, that’s being removed entirely. I’m gonna be streaming every other Sunday morning, and in the afternoon, I wanna take that time to answer asks, work on fics and other posts, and work on my queue. So, I’ll still be active, but not for a themed night, y’know? 

Now, there’s another fun, more sillier post I’m gonna be doing every so often. I’ve always wanted to do something like this, and now that I’m doing new things, I’m saying “fuck it” and throwing it in.

Yeah, that’s right. Conspiracy theories about TWDG. 

Y’all have heard me talk about alien Luke, right? Well, that’ll be the first conspiracy that goes up, and others from then on will either come from my brain, from me searching around for the craziest theories, or submitted by you guys. 

Sometimes we take things so fucking seriously, y’know? Sometimes I wanna yeet everything out the window and rant about how there are actually two different Luke’s in S2 and one of them is an alien replacement. 

You got something crazier than alien Luke? Submit it and don’t leave out any details. 

-

Okay, so those are the three new things I’m introducing to the blog starting tomorrow. I’d like to know what you think! I hope you’re excited!

Stream Schedule

For those who watch the streams, I have the March schedule posted on my blog, and I wanna say a huge THANK YOU for your support of the streams. I love doing them, and I love talking to the chat. :D

You’ll notice I am doing a few extra streams outside of my usual Monday/Tuesday schedule. After doing the TFS all-day marathon, I realized that I actually liked streaming on Sunday mornings/noon. I figured that would be the perfect day to do some Death Road runs! Then on those two Fridays, I’m doing some one offs-- Little Hope [despair run] and Oxenfree. 

I’m doing a despair run of The Wolf Among Us, then we’re jumping into a playthrough of Fable III, a game that I haven’t touched in years but remember having a lot of fun with. It’s got a lot of choices, and as we all saw in the Yes, Your Grace, I am 100% fit to run my own kingdom, so what could go wrong? 

-

That’s all the new stuff I have to talk about. Now I’m gonna get mushy and say thanks for sticking around, even though TFS ended years ago. And thank you to those who are kind and decent without our twdg community, who have participated in past theme nights, and who send me asks watching to discuss twdg-- I appreciate every single one of you. I hope you enjoy the new things to come. ❤️❤️❤️

[thiswasinevitableid]

82, Sternclay, NSFW if possible? Ty so much for all your great fics <3 -☀️

You’re welcome! I hope you enjoy the fill. It’s NSFW, and involves mating cycles, because my A03 stats suggest a lot of y’all like that.

82. you knock on my door at 2 in the morning because your very white cat got out and you need help trying to find them in the three feet of snow we have

He has no one but himself to blame. 

Stern is always so careful about shutting the doors in this cabin, as the old hinges and worn frames can send them swinging open when coupled with a strong wind. He thought he had that same care when he came in with more firewood from the basement, which can only be accessed through by going out of the house and then down to the locked door. 

Apparently not. At one, he went to check on Yeti and found the back door open and the faintest shape of feline paws leading into the darkness. 

They’ve got two feet of snow on the ground, with another foot forecasted to fall by morning. And Yeti is sleek and snow-white.

He’s wandered the perimeter of the house, left her favorite blanket out on the covered porch, and tried in vain to follow the tracks, filled in by the falling snow. He’s been outside for an hour now, with no sign of her. Not even the jingle of her collar in the cold air. He’s shivering, but he can’t stop the search; Yeti is out here, cold and scared and it’s all his fault. 

As he’s crunching through the snow, warm light spills onto the trees. His neighbors  (a loose term out here) house. He couldn’t stand waking Barclay up to help him, but if he’s already awake…

Stern raps on the door, and four seconds later it opens, his neighbor looking like a lumberjack centerfold given life, even in his sweatpants and brown sweater. 

“Joe? Is something wrong?”

“It’s Yeti, she got out without me noticing and I can’t find her, I’ve been out here an hour and there’s no sign. I, um, I know it’s a stretch but can you help me look for her? We can cover more ground that way.”

Barclay gives a small, worried smile as he nods, “Yeah, of course, lemme get enough on so that I don’t freeze and I’ll join you.” 

He waves Stern inside, passes him a box of tissues before disappearing upstairs. Here he’d hoped the tears from his brief panic and self-blame spiral hadn’t left evidence. He’s good in a crisis, has handled much more stressful incidents with grace and calm. But for some reason every time he musters up those emotions, gult rips them to shreds. Yeti is his to look after, he’s supposed to keep her safe, and one careless move has her out in the woods, in freezing weather, with predators, or thin ice, or, or, or-

His brain is excellent at generating contingency plans on the fly, but tonight it directs that ability to making him think about all the bad things his error could cause. 

“Okay, got my headlamp so I can keep my hands free. You got a light?”

Joe holds up his flashlight.

“C’mon, let’s go find the Yeti.” They set off side by side in the snow, “where do you want to look?”

“Fan out near the creek, I think. The snow isn’t as deep there, so she might have gone that way because it was easier to move.”

“She’s a climber, right? So how about this; we go on either side of the creek, you look on the ground and I’ll look in the trees?”

“That makes sense.” 

It’s slow going, both of them being meticulous, shining their lights on every branch or under every bush. Stern’s always appreciated how careful Barclay is; he assumes it comes with a profession where being messy slows you down, but the first time he saw his well-organized kitchen his heart did a little dance of delight. 

In the month and a half he’s lived here, the cook invites him over at least twice a week to try out a recipe. He works at Amnesty Lodge in the nearby town of Kepler, and spends some of his nights there. Still, he’s at his cabin often enough that Stern’s been able to invite him over some evenings. Though it’s odd he’s up so late on a work night.

“Do you not have to go in tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m taking this week off. I have some vacation time and when I get back it’ll be the holiday break rush until New Years. I got caught up in the latest Agent X novel and didn’t see how late it was until you knocked. How about you, staying up researching again?”

“Yes. I was trying to keep the fire going because it’s nice to work in that little living room but, um, going out to get the wood is how she got out. If I’d just gone to bed-”

“Whoah, hey, none of that.” Barclay stops, turning to face him, “shit happens, even when you’re careful. This isn’t your fault, Joe.”

“I know. It still feels that way.” He starts forward again, feet freezing in spite of his snowboots (chosen for optimal weight to insulation ratio). Part of him wants to keep talking, because Barclay is interesting to talk to, his years playing “Lodge dad” giving him endless anecdotes and the ability to be honest without being cruel. 

It helps that his baritone voice makes Stern think of brown sugar; rich, complex, just the right kind of sweet. 

After a solid hour of searching, Stern is so cold he’s having trouble getting words out. Barclay sets a big hand on his shoulder, guiding them towards Sterns cabin.

“Joe, you’ve gotta take a break. Worried your lips are gonna go as blue as your eyes, and then tonight will really suck.”

“But I haven’t found her.”

“And you won’t if you freeze to death or get so chilled you can’t think straight. At least sleep for a few hours.”

Stern’s about to protest as they reach the door, but then his knees buckle and he slumps against a broad chest.

“I’ll do one more spin into the deeper woods on my way home, and leave some blankets out on the porch in case she makes her way to me. She’s smart, just like her owner; I think she’ll get home okay.”

“Right. Okay. We’ll be okay.” 

Barclay hesitates mid motion, then pulls Stern into a hug. Stern is not small, and at Six feet zero inches he’s used to being the tallest person in a room. Barclay always feels like he’s dwarfing him, though right now that’s the most comforting sensation in the world. 

“I’ll check by in the morning.”

“Thank you, for everything.” He mumbles into Barclay’s scarf.

“Any time, Joe.”

----------------------------------------

Barclay waits until Joe is inside and the upstairs light switches on to leave the back porch. God, it’s so fucking cold tonight. He doesn’t blame Yeti for getting curious, but she could’ve picked a less awful time to do it.

He’s glad the other man came to him for help; he hates the idea of Joe out here alone and stressed, searching carefully and kicking himself the whole time. He’s glad Joe took the suggestion to sleep. 

He’s glad the other man came to be his neighbor. 

Ironically, they’d met when Joe came over and asked to borrow a cup of sugar. The dark-haired man was short on what he needed to cook, and Barclay was happy to supply it. It’s not everyday a cute guy asked him for some sugar. 

They ran across each other in town, and Joe even came to eat at the Lodge, usually at off hours where Barclay had a chance to talk. That’s how he learned Joe was here to research a recent Bigfoot sighting. 

“I used to be in the FBI, investigating the same thing. Then I got so frustrated, no one really believed in the possibility of unknown creatures, and the few who did saw them as having some sort of use to the department of defense. Great idea, find something so rare it’s existence is unproven, and then lock it away or blow it up.” The sip of coffee is more aggressive than usual. 

“Won’t they get mad if you spill their secrets?” It was only half a joke. 

“I doubt it. They weren’t too interested in my theories when I worked there; odds are they’ll keep an eye on me a little while and then ignore me. Unless I find Bigfoot, of course, in which case they may want me back. I’m not interested, from now on I monster hunt in the name of science.”

Barclay hopes Stern never finds Bigfoot and stays in his cabin, writing and researching and consulting and coming over to Barclay’s for dinner twice a week. He has a whole menu in his mind titled, “foods for seducing Joe” that he’s going to whip out in the next few weeks, he swears it. 

He’s been swearing it for two weeks. 

Joe is sophisticated, smart, has really good taste in books and food, and Barclay feels so listened to when they talk. Barclay starts blushing whenever Joe smiles at him, which would be embarrassing except Joe does the same thing whenever Barclay drops his voice a little. Besides, he likes it when Joe smiles. 

Barclay would give anything to make Joe smile tonight. Which is why he’s tromping into the spot where they lost the last of Yeti’s footprints. He stands, listening for any sign of human life. 

Then he slips the woven bracelet off his hand, and his foot-prints almost double in size. 

It’s a bad idea, he’s not all that far from other houses or the road, but in this form his sense of smell is twice as strong and his night-vision a bit sharper. It’s also the reason he’s taking this week off work. Yes, he likes to rest up before the winter rush; but his heat, which comes ever fourteen years, is due in the next few days. He’s actually a little worried turning into his Sylph self will make his brain fuzzy enough to forget his mission. So he reminds himself, as he tromps through the growing blizzard, that he is doing this for the person he’d most like to impress in this world, and that does the trick. 

A whiff of the same, non-human scent he stole a noseful of when hugging Joe catches his attention. He follows it to a disused burrow, gets down on his belly, and finds reflective eyes blinking back at him. 

The animal hisses. 

“Man, please be Yeti and not a bobcat. Duck’s gonna fucking kill me if I harass the wildlife.” He reaches into the burrow and hears a telltale jingle. Yeti, surrendering to her fate, goes limp in his hold. When he puts her against his chest she chirps, curiously sniffing him. As soon as the bracelet is on she blinks once, then purrs as he bundles her into his coat. She’s cold and damp, but she’s in one piece. 

“C’mon cousin, let’s get you home.”

The lights are all still one, and the front door is wedged open the exact amount a cat would need to get inside. He steps in, kicks the wedge free and shuts the door. The fire is low, and there’s no sound of anyone moving around. 

“Joe? Whoa, careful Yeti, I know you wanna get warm but we should show him your okay.”

“Mew!” Yeti bites the fringe of his scarf. 

He tries again, “Joe, you still up? Got someone for you?”

A scuff and groan from the kitchen, “Huh? Oh, shit, I fell asleep, one second”

Yeti shifts her focus while Barclay is distracted. In one graceful leap she rips his bracelet away, lands, and bounds to the kitchen.

“Yeti! Thank the lord, there you are my little cryptid, I was so worried about you, don’t ever do that again, thank god you’re okay.” Joe’s voice goes muffled, as if he’s holding the cat to his face and talking into her fur. Barclay is frozen, not wanting to be seen but even less wanting to have Joe spot Bigfoot dashing into the trees. 

“What do you have--Yeti, it’s rude to take things from the man who saved you from being-” Joe rounds the corner, cat in his arms, and gasps. Yeti, uninterested in the unfolding drama, tumps to the floor and scampers upstairs. Joe’s hands fly over his mouth the instant she’s no longer in them. 

“Hey” Barclay waves.

“What the fuck?”

“I’m, uh, I’m Bigfoot.”

“What the fuck?” Joe isn’t moving, and Barclay decides now is his best chance. 

“I’m just, uh, gonna go get my bracelet back.”

“No, you’re going to explain everything.” 

“I really, really can’t, some of it isn’t mine to explain. I mean, uh, I can explain some bits later-” He creeps toward the stairs. Joe steps in front of him. 

“Barclay, this can’t wait. You, you’ve been him the whole time, my entire world view is simultaneously being proven and flipped over, would you please just talk to me?”

“Mew?” Yeti is halfway down the stairs, watching them with the bracelet still in her mouth. Without breaking eye contact, Joe reaches up and out, plucking it from her teeth.

“You’re not getting this back until you explain.”

“Babe, please, I promise we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“No, wait, what did you call me?”

“Uhhhh” Barclay lunges for the bracelet instead of answering. Stern twists out of the way, sprinting for the kitchen. Barclay gets an arm around his waist and yanks backwards, sending them both over the back of the couch. Joe elbows him and scrambles up. Barclay only just manages to block him from going up the stairs, stalks him back onto the rug and tackles him. It succeeds in bringing the man down and keeping him pinned. 

It also sends the bracelet flying onto the floor, where Yeti snatches it up and disappears up the staircase. 

Barclay realizes he’s growling, stops so that he won’t frighten Joe, only for it to start up again as a reflex.

“Barclay, I swear, if you hurt my cat-”

“I won’t, I, that’s what not that noise is for. Or, uh, I mean I’m pissed you played keep-away with something I need, but I also have some bad news about Sy--uh, Bigfoot biology. Uh, so, first thing: I have a heat, which is why I was trying to stay away from people. Second thing: my kind uses a very intense game of, uh, chase as part of courtship.”

Stern shifts his thigh, “That explains what I’m feeling.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Look, can you go get the bracelet and then we can, like, have some tea and talk about this? I’m sorry, I feel so bad for making you deal with this.” The growl rumbles up again. He gears up another apology when he notices Joe’s blue eyes getting wider.

“Is this, um, only because of your heat? I mean, if you tackled some passerby, would the same thing be happening?”

“No.” Barclay squeaks. 

“Then I’m not seeing how this is a bad thing, big guy.” He grinds his thigh up, making Barclay yip and pin him to the rug while touching as little of him as possible. 

“Joe, this doesn’t make me like, mindless or anything, but if you say you want this you are signing up for several days of as much fucking as I can manage.”

“I don’t have any deadlines.” Joe’s eyes remain fixed on Barclays crotch. 

“I’m serious, if you say stop I will, but if you don’t you won’t be able to get out of bed for days. And, uh, I can put my disguise back on, you don’t have to fuck me like this, I know it’s weird.”

“Barclay, I built my life’s work on weird.” Joe pets his arm.

“Yeah but not on fucking it.”

“How do you know? Lots of my time with the UP is classified.”

“Joe…” it’s a warning, the heat in  his brain suggesting a dozen things to do so the human can’t be touched by another cryptid ever again.

“I want you, Barclay. In both forms. As long as you promise we’ll talk after, I’m okay with doing this first.”

“I promise”

“Good, because otherwise I was going out to see if there’s another bigfoot in the area who was interested.” Joe smiles, moves to pull off his shirt. He doesn’t get to; Barclay snarls possessively and drops onto him, biting his neck and ripping his clothing into a flurry of fabric scraps. The human moans, gasps when Barclay makes short work of his own pants and reveals what’s waiting beneath. Barclay doesn’t give him time to process, shoves his legs as far apart as they’ll go, and finally sinks into him.

“JesusfuckingCHRIST, ohfuck, ohmyfuckinggodAH!”

His cock is more thick than long, splitting the human open while bottoming out on every thrust. Joe’s fingers knot into the rug, his words morph into sharp, ecstatic sounds. Every creature in the forest can probably hear him. 

Barclay clamps his hand down over the humans mouth, “shut up babe, don’t want anyone else in the woods getting any ideas about how good a fuck you are. You’re fucking mine.”

A muffled moan and, when he pulls his hand back, “Y-you really think I, fuck, I can keep quiet when you fuck me like this?”

“Thought they taught FBI agents discipline” he drags his claws across Joe’s chest, relishing the shaky, happy noise that gets him. 

“There’s discipline and, AAHnnn, there’s inhuman restraint.”

Barclay slams the hand down again and growls, pleased, when Joe’s posture turns submissive.

“Here’s the deal; you keep quiet and take it like a good mate, and after I cum in you, can be as loud as you fucking want, because anyone who gets near you’ll know belong to me. I mean” he jerks his hips, “they’ll be able to tell that from the fact I’m balls-deep in you too, babe.”

Joe nods, replaces Barclays hand with his own as the Sylph hooks his knees over his shoulders. The next minute goes in a heat haze, his brain and body united in the desire to cum in Joe, to claim him,  while the human stifles his screams and grows slicker with each thrust. 

He tips his head back with a howlgrowlpurr as he cums, leaving faint clawmarks in Joe’s legs as he holds them open to make sure he takes every bit.

“Lord almighty” Joe’s hand falls to the floor, “that, that was amazing, why on earth were you acting like this isn’t something I’d waaAAAAAntohgod.” He whimpers as Barclay starts up again, fucking his cum up into him.

“Shoulda known you’d like it; you’re perfect, Joe.”

A blush and a shy moan, and he leans down to kiss him gently.

“You are. You’re the perfect man, the perfect mate, and we are gonna have so much fucking fun together.”

“And fun fucking?” He looks pleased with the wordplay.

He snorts, “Glad to know that sense of humor sticks around when I’m filling you up, oh, ohfuckyeah” another orgasm hits, milder this time. 

“Are they near constant when you’re in heat?” Joe eyes the trail of cum sliding back down Barclay’s cock.

“No, just easy to have. So” he flips the human over, squeezing his ass appreciatively, “let’s try it from  behind this time; wanna find out how it feels to cum in you while I get you off.” He slips his hand over Joe’s thigh and between his legs, “and you better fucking do it too, of I’ll drag you outside and fuck you against a tree so anyone passing by can see how fucking eager you are for me.”

“Please, we’ve spent so much time outside tonight.”

He thinks as kisses along Joe’s shoulders, “You’re right. I’ll fuck you against the door instead.”

-------------------------------------

When Stern wakes up, snow is falling in the grey light and his clock reads 2:30 P.M. Downstairs there’s a homey clink of pots and pans, and the smell of coffee winds it’s way to him. 

He fell asleep around five, he thinks, when the cumulative exhaustion of his day overpowered the thrill of being with Barclay. Honestly, he’d have kept going, but Barclay was adamant he rest. So they finished with him fucking Stern’s slack, sleepy mouth, before the cryptid bundled him into bed and snuggled up to him with those deep, rumbling purrs that Stern now loves.

The bracelet is gone from the nightstand (Yeti didn’t eat it, thank god), so the chef must be making breakfast in his human form. Now would be a good time to go down and talk. 

“Mew” A weight lands on his chest as Yeti kneads the blankets, purring when he reaches you and rubs her head.

“You know, little monster, this almost makes the heart attack you gave me worth it.”

“Mew?” The cat stares hopefully out the windows. 

“Not a chance. I can’t take that stress again. Besides” he scoops her up, “we need to unbox that new toy I ordered. Barclay and I need some time to ourselves today.”

[wizardofozymandias]

Five Best Bits From 2020

Edit: I was tagged by @noire-pandora and Tumblr decided to bury the notification. 

Tagging: @blarfkey, @nug-juggler, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, @queenaeducan, @luzial, @myrddinderwydd. Sorry for re-tagging most of y’all, but it’s hard to keep up with everyone who’s been tagged.

2020 was my most productive year for writing, and the first time I published any fanfiction. I’ve put my five favorite snippets under the cut, along with links to my AO3.

From The Cult of Fen’Harel, Chapter 4, The Bard and the Bees. This is probably my favorite passage I’ve written so far. I love the idea of Solas getting desperate enough to try recruiting Sera. And it goes as well as anyone could expect. 

Sera made a face. “Don’t want none of your elven glory shite. Did you forget, my people are the friends of Red Jenny? Ellana’s my friend, and you hurt her. My people look out for each other, don’t team up with nobs who hurt us. Besides, it’s all stupid. Your magic and ancient rot, you’ll just burn the world down to get what you want. Couldn’t make me be part of that.”

“Please, Sera, think of what you could be, what you could do.”

“I could be dead, workin’ for you! Can’t you hear my no? Let me say it louder for you: NO.”

“Don’t you see that the elves are just the type of people you claim you want to help? The little people you fight for could finally have something of their own, instead of being relegated to the dregs of society.”

That seemed to set Sera off. She was on her feet and in his face in seconds. “Solas, you nug-sucking, piss-brained, moldy-arsed wanker! Don’t talk to me about little people! I’ve seen your altars and shite, you think you’re some mercy-giving god? Fuck you! You never see anybody ‘cept your elfy elves! You don’t give a shit for anybody but your people!”

Her tirade went on for several minutes. Solas remained as still as stone while she harangued him. Truthfully, he feared for his life. He had seen what a powerhouse Sera was on the battlefield. He was only grateful she was too close to shoot him. When she seemed to be winding down, he opened his mouth to speak again.

She stuck a finger in his face. “No!”

He gently pushed her hand away, then tried to speak again.

She repeated the gesture. “No! I’m leaving, and my lot had better not hear a peep outta yours!”

Sera started walking away. Solas took a step in her direction, one last futile attempt to persuade her, and was hit in the chest with a jar of bees.

~

From Daisy’s Garden: This conversation between Merrill and Keeper Marethari is based heavily on my own experiences with an abusive parent. Marethari struck me immediately as someone who gets away with treating Merrill like shit by burying her viciousness in concern for Merrill. Slight verbal/emotional abuse cw.

Merrill couldn’t get her breath between her sobs. She didn’t want Marethari so near, didn’t want to be touched, didn’t deserve to be touched. Here she was, crying without a reason, and delaying her lessons, and babbling about nothing. When she did manage to speak again, she simply choked out another, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry for being a fool,” Merrill said miserably.

“That’s a terrible thing to say about yourself, da’len. You’re a capable, intelligent, beautiful young woman. Just because you take these silly notions is no reason to torment yourself. You simply need to be more careful about not saying every ridiculous thing that enters your head.”

~

From The Cult of Fen’Harel, Chapter 5, Fresh Brewed Trouble. This is the first time Solas actually asks Ellana about the cult. It was fun to write him having a complete meltdown about his opposition being. . .less well-organized than he expected.

“What is the Cult of Fen’Harel?” he demanded.

Ellana grinned mischievously. “Enjoying your reading material?”

“Brother Genitivi,” he spat, “seems to think that they are a Dalish fertility cult.”

“That’s been the most popular theory, based on ‘the proliferation of crude phallic imagery’ found at the sites where the cultists have gathered. Although Brother Burbadur has some unique ideas.”

“That hack?! They still allow him to publish?!”

Ellana giggled. “So, you know about Brother Burbadur? I’ve sent you a copy of his latest book. It’s all about your cult.”

“With his Snake-Kings and lunatics? Mythal enaste, what have you done?”

“You mean Moon Men?” Ellana corrected. “Don’t you realize, Solas? I don’t have to instigate everything. It’s like Thedas itself wants you to fail.”

~

From The Cult of Fen’Harel, Chapter 6, The Mirror’s Secret. I love, love, love any instances of Solas interacting with an old Keeper Lavellan. So of course I had to send him to Clan Lavellan to bargain with Ellana’s grandmother. (For clarification, Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel goes by Mae in CoFH.)

Solas coldly repeated his question: “Again, what do you expect me to do here?”

Mae put her hands on her hips. “Well, I don’t want you to join the ‘rituals,’ if that’s what you’re afraid of. Your followers have been nothing but a nuisance lately. I’d like you to put the fear of their god in them.”

“How exactly?”

“You’re the Dread Wolf. Figure it out. I just want you to chase them off and scare them enough that they’ll stop trashing the altars and stealing the clan’s statues. I won’t mention what we had to clean off those statues last time.”

Solas shuddered.

Boisterous laughter and torchlight from the clearing signaled the cultists’ arrival.

“They’re here,” Mae whispered. “Get to it. Just don’t hurt any of them.”

“You should go now,” Solas warned.

“Before you become too terrifying for my mortal eyes to behold?”

Solas looked at her pointedly.

She snorted. “I’m not missing this show. But you’d better get out there before they start stripping.” She peered around a tree. “They’re barely wearing anything as it is.”

Solas shuddered again. Then, feeling more than a little embarrassed with someone watching, shrugged off his mortal form. The howl of the giant, six-eyed wolf echoed to the ends of the Free Marches.

~

From Of Mages and Moon Men. I desperately want Solas and Dorian to be friends, so writing them having fun together makes me happy. 

Dorian chuckled and looked at Solas. “It seems you aren’t such a wet blanket after all. Just present you with silly books about ancient elves and you’re downright companionable.”

Solas ignored Dorian’s attempt to bait him. “You are not such bad company yourself, Master Pavus. I would not have expected it.”

Dorian made a face. “Solas, I will promise never to insult your wardrobe again if you will promise to never refer to me as Master Pavus.”

“Does it irk you so much?” Solas couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I hope to be old and grey before I’m forced to go by Master Pavus.”

“Fair enough. I suppose we can consider this a cease fire between us?”

“Certainly!” Dorian held out his hand for Solas to shake. “I’ve never laughed at ridiculous Chantry scholarship with a better fellow.”

[bisluthq]

But Kaydom was also toxic. And like I just want a good and chill fun lane, which is what so many of us are trying to do and build now. // as an ex hard kay, this is really just what I wanted all along. in the main swiftie fandom, there was so much homophobia and also a lot of racism too (at least back when I was in it). and so I never felt comfortable there at all.

and on TTB's blog and other similar kaylor blogs, I never really felt free to express my own thoughts because anybody with a differing opinion would get shut down. you couldn't voice a theory that didn't fit their version of Kaylor Canon without being dismissed or sometimes even made fun of. and a lot of them tended to get rude or even mean if you disagreed with them

I also hated the way that marginalized fans were treated by most of those main blogs too, it was extremely frustrating

empsmd was always really nice and open-minded and so were a few other "big" blogs, so it wasn't every single one of them who was like that. but even on those blogs, the toxic kinds of kaylors still followed and so you still had to be careful what you said

I felt like leaving the fandom, I was done with it all, I didn't feel comfortable anywhere. it just wasn't fun anymore. and I know it wasn't just me, a lot of other people felt the same way

but I'm really glad that I found blogs like @swiftgron-get-married and your blog and others like @kaylorrehabcenter and @kaylortruther and @kaylorhistorian. I also really like @karliesbuzzcut bc she's really funny without being mean-spirited and is still open to people with different opinions to her. there are a few others I like too but I can't name them all lol

it's really nice and refreshing to just be able to send in asks and not feel as judged as I did before or like I'm being looked down on or like certain blogs are trying to bully me into either shutting up or agreeing with them, you know?

and I'm glad this side of the fandom actually seems to be more accepting towards minority groups in general

I know this is super long and kinda sappy but yeah, I just wanted to say I really appreciate all of y'all and for the first time in almost a year, I'm actually enjoying being in the fandom again. so thanks guys ❤️

This was so so nice! Thanks for taking the time to write it up babe.

At the end of the day, fandom is meant to be about clowning and having fun. It’s not about being “right” tbh. The moment it starts being about that - about proving something “for a fact” and when self-awareness of the clownery gets lost - is the moment things get toxic and weird.

Like again idk I guess like I say my first fandom was Harry Potter. We clowned on ALL the books and guessed what was coming. 85% was wrong. It didn’t matter, we were just having fun.

I hear someone shouting - but these are real people!!! And sure. But like... they’re also brands and market themselves for public consumption. I’m quite hectic to not talk too much about private characters beyond mentioning their existence because that’s not fair. But Tay markets her relationships, and us gossiping about them whether real or fake or rumored or confirmed is fundamentally chilled. The issue is when we think we know better than her or get like... angry at her for not being our headcanon version.

Also I make a huge effort to be inclusive of all minorities and I know the blogs you mentioned do too. I have limitations and I can fuck up and if I do please tell me so I can course correct. It’s really important to me for this to be a safe, welcoming space for everyone. That doesn’t mean we won’t talk about icky subjects sometimes but we do not endorse those opinions/standpoints/ideologies.

So thank you again for taking the time to write this up. I love y’all so much.

[ripleyfm]

              ･ﾟ☀   good   morning   to   everyone   except   those   who   hate   on   legend   of   korra   !   skskskks   i’m   teddy   ,   i’m   a   lil   ole   baby   swinging   back   into   the   rpc   heart   emojis   a   -   blazing   !   this   is   my   lil   sunflower   chaos   seeker   known   as   ripley   ,   a   newer   muse   for   me   but   i’m   really   excited   to   flesh   her   out   here   with   some   extra   spooky   elements   .   i   have   a   god   awful   sense   of   humor   and   too   much   enthusiasm   for   angst   so   tbh   ?   come   get   y’all   PLOTTIN   JUICE   to   distract   me   from   thirsting   over   avatar   kyoshi   !  disc / ord is @𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫 !#6439 since i’ll be mobile for the afternoon !

* [ bruna marquezine + cis female + she / her ] —— have you met tallulah ripley ? they are a twenty-two year old senior currently studying biology & music theory. they live on decker house, and word around campus is that this leo is vibrant + gregarious, as well as hedonistic + philophobic. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. trailing sand in on the hardwood with bare feet , running late to meetings ( and asking forgiveness with a mere flash of a grin ) , tucking a greta van fleet album among the family collection of concierto classics .

EDIT : wanted and current connections can be found here ! 

youngest   of   four   ,   born   into   an   old   money   surname   ,   her   mother ,  an  international   student  from  sao  paolo  ,  brazil  ,  and  american   father   meet   as   competing   pianists   at   holloway   ,   falling   in   love   ,   marrying   ,   and   beginning   the   next   generation   of   the   ripley   virtuosos   soon   after   graduation   .   her   childhood   is   privileged   and   uneventful   ,   strict   and   stifling   as   early   as   she   can   remember   ,   tallulah   causing   trouble   enough   as   if   to   make   up   for   her   perfectly   behaved   siblings   .

her   father   becomes   one   of   the   most   prolific   modern   composers   of   his   time   ,   and   splits   his   efforts   between   composition   and   teaching   music   theory   at   julliard   as   his   wife   continues   performances   as   a   famed   pianist   .   though   her   siblings   branch   out   into   other   instruments   ,   tallulah   is   the   only   one   stubborn   enough   to   weather   the   callouses   on   her   fingers   ,   figuring   if   she’s   going   to   be   forced   to   play   an   instrument   of   any   type   ,   it’ll   at   least   be   something   she   likes   .   thus   ,   the   only   stringed   instrument   in   the   ripley   household   becomes   hers   as   she   takes   on   the   cello   by   storm   .

practicing   cello   is   perhaps   the   only   thing   lu   truly   commits   herself   to   ��   charming   and   sociable   as   she   may   be   ,   her   selectiveness   with   her   efforts   makes   her   sluggish   with   schoolwork   as   if   to   give   her   family   a   hard   time   .   her   siblings   ,   all   honor   scholars   and   first   chairs   at   their   respective   instruments   ,   pick   on   her   for   her   unmotivated   wild   child   ways   at   the   encouragement   of   her   mother   .   the   only   person   who   takes   the   time   to   sit   with   tallulah   and   keep   her   on   track   is   her   ever   -   tired   (   but   endlessly   generous   )   father   .

her   world   is   turned   upside   down   her   freshman   year   when   her   father’s   occasional   stumble   turns   into   a   more   regular   struggle   to   keep   his   balance   ,   an   ultimate   diagnosis   of   a   degenerative   disease   rattling   their   family   as   they   know   it   .   tallulah   ,   wild   and   only   tamed   by   the   kindness   of   one   man   ,   starts   acting   out   in   an   effort   to   ignore   the   world   around   her   .   the   rift   between   herself   and   her   family   only   multiplies   when   she   discovers   her   mother   having   an   affair   as   her   father’s   health   continues   to   decline   .

he   passes   away   on   a   vacation   he   and   tallulah   take   to   the   ripley   summer   beach   house   ,   something   they   had   done   to   have   some   quiet   time   together   away   from   the   judgement   of   her   siblings   .   having   to   be   the   one   to   break   the   news   to   the   family   ,   she   feels   herself   shut   down   and   lose   whatever   desire   she   had   left   to   live   the   perfect   life   her   mother   and   siblings   tried   to   force   on   her   .

she   starts   going   almost   exclusively   by   her   surname   ,   making   it   into   holloway   more   as   a   favor   to   her   family’s   generous   donations   to   the   music   program   than   on   grades   .   she’s   barely   hanging   on   by   her   involvement   in   the   university’s   symphonic   orchestra   ,   where   she’s   a   first   chair   cellist   that   shows   up   late   to   every   damn   rehearsal   and   somehow   can   cold   sightread   well   enough   to   piss   everyone   off   ksksksk   .

given   this   ,   she’s   only   minoring   in   music   theory   to   stay   in   the   orchestra   ,   and   partially   to   feel   close   to   her   dad   .   though   her   dream   is   to   write   music   scores   for   films   ,   she’s   majoring   in   biology   to   have   a   respectable   backup   plan   .   if   she   can’t   do   music   forever   ,   she’ll   disappear   onto   a   beach   somewhere   in   costa   rica   and   be   a   marine   biologist   and   never   be   heard   from   again   lmao

PERSONALITY   :   ripley   is   happiest   shotgunning   a   white   claw   before   piling   into   the   squad   car   and   calling   aux   immediately   !   loves   her   friends   and   sees   her   circle   as   found   family   that   she   would   do   anything   for   .   

she’s   laid   back   and   observant   ,   one   of   the   quieter   in   the   group   as   she   tries   to   suss   you   out   but   is   the   first   to   approach   a   newbie   and   act   as   if   you’ve   been   friends   for   ages   .   she   makes   an   active   effort   to   not   judge   others   on   the   basis   of   first   impressions   and   tends   to   be   rather   open   minded   when   meeting   others   ,   which   makes   her   a   sort   of   universal   friend   -   to   -   all   ;   given   this   ,  when  wronged  ,  she’s   a   stubborn   little   shit   and   though   she   wont   let   them   live   rent   free   in   that   headspace   ,   she’ll   go   full   send   to   making   sure   they’re   aware   they   don’t   exist   to   her   !  

she   hates   petty   drama   and   tends   to   skirt   most   responsibility   by   sweet   -   talking   her   way   out   of   things   ,   giving   the   impression   that   she   can   be   lazy   or   unmotivated   .   this   is   true   to   some   extent   ,   such   as   with   her   grades   or   her   timeliness   ,   but   those   who   strike   the   right   balance   will   see   a   side   of   ripley   that   is   laser   focused   ,   whether   its   drunken   ramblings   about   the   brilliance   of   the   chord   progressions   on   fleetwood   mac’s   rumors   or   an   astute   observation   about   the   emotion   behind   a   certain   cello   movement   .   though   she   prefers   to   skip   the   hard   thinking   and   just   enjoy   the   moment   ,   ripley’s   admittedly   a   clever   girl   ,   simply   needing   the   right   push   to   unlock   her   truest   potential   .  

she’s   incredibly   relaxed   (   sometimes   a   bit   too   much   for   the   preference   of   some   )   and   tends   to   try   and   avoid   over   -   complicating   issues   in   order   to   not   have   to   face   them   .   especially   considering   the   infidelity   of   her   mother   ,   ripley   is   a   staunch   believer   that   relationships   are   a   waste   of   time   and   is   the   annoying   bitch   who   argues   that   being   in   love   is   a   scam   made   up   by   the   simps   to   feel   valid   !  

acts   as   if   she   isn’t   FULL   of   feelings   and   emotions   24/7   n   listens   to   emo   70’s   power   ballads   when   the   person   she   likes   doesnt   confess   their   love   for   her   under   the   moonlight   like   they   were   supposed   to   in   her   fantasy   …….   smh   .   she’s   too   busy   trying   to   be   ~cool   and   effortless~   that   she   sometimes   sabotages   the   things   that   would   bring   her   the   most   happiness   ,   then   blaming   herself   in   a   vicious   cycle   that   just   leaves   her   trying   to   distract   herself   w   crazy   antics   to   avoid   focusing   on   her   feelings   .

RANDOM BLURBS :    hates   men   n   regrets   all   attraction   to   them   .   thinks   all   women   r   too   good   for   her   .   convinced   she   will   be   a   useless   bisexual   forced   2   be   forever   alone

plays   guitar   as   a   mental   break   from   cello   and   loves   it   .   i’m   still   deciding   a   vc   for   her 

knows   the   beaches   in   maine   are   cold   af   but   wants   to   go   every   weekend   anyways

drives   the   most   impractical   soft   shell   jeep   which   sucks   in   the   east   coast   wind   and   snow   and   yet   it   is   somehow   exactly   an   embodiment   of   Her   Brand tm

like   5′9   tall   and   hates   wearing   real   people   shoes   she   said   berks   or   nOTHIN

wishes   she   could   go   vegan   but   is   so   bad   at   keeping   track   of   her   meals   she’d   forget   instantly   and   down   a   20   pack   of   chicken   nugget

too   mellow   &   apathetic   to   be   a   chaotic   neutral   but   too   adventurous   to   be   a   true   neutral   so   she   lives   somewhere   in   that   lawless   grey   space   skskskks

acts   REAL   california   for   someone   who   grew   up   exclusively   on   the   east   coast   ....   hm   .....   🤔

grew  up  disconnected  from  brazilian  culture  due  to  her  mom's  whitewashing  and  she  resents  it  greatly  .  can  understand  scattered  portuguese  but  took  spanish  in  high  school  so  that's  as  close  to  the  language  as  she'll  get  .  wants  to  take  lessons  online  tho  !

inspos r lila from umbrella academy , wynonna earp , beverly marsh from it , michelle manlon from derry girls , korra from lok , adora from she ra and the pop ,  and that ugly yellow overtone used in outer banks  💖 skskskks 

[c-is-for-circinate]

Who wants a little Cinderbrush AU on this quarantine evening?

A while ago, @brightandshinynewstories and I were chatting about what would happen if the Cinderbrush four lived in Exandria (and also relatedly, if the M9 were Monsterhearts characters, but that is a digression y’all should take up with her).  We figured it would start, at least, a little like this:

There’s a phrase Sasha's history tutor used once, when she was thirteen or fourteen and didn’t have a way to stop her parents hiring all her tutors and arranging her schedule for her.  Her history tutor was a stuttery little halfling man fresh out of Vasselheim, and half of what he said was deadly boring, but he was less brutally awful than her etiquette and protocol tutor, which was probably why he got fired before she turned fifteen.  That one conversation, though, has stuck with her for all these years.

“Everyone thinks they live at the end of history,” he’d said.  They’d been talking about the end of the reign of Uriel Tal’dorei at the time, how his decision to abdicate five minutes before he unexpectedly died in a massive dragon attack hadn’t accomplished much of anything except for making life massively difficult for his son fifteen years later.  “This is it, the final form of the world.  All the aeons of existence have led up to this moment right now, and finally we’re living in the future.”

“Isn’t everybody always living at the end of history, then?” Sasha had asked.  “If you look at it that way?”

“Not...not quite,” Kempler had stammered, a little off-balance the way he always was when she asked questions she actually wanted to know the answers to.  “Usually it means more like..the idea that everything, societal structures, social mores, everything has fallen into place in such a way that it doesn’t need to change any more.  Does that make sense?”

“Of course,” Sasha had said, and let him go on talking about dragons and heroes and the politics of non-existent emperors and kings.  She’d thought about it all afternoon.

This isn’t quite the end of history, Sasha figures now, half a dozen years later.  If it were, there’d be a better way to work her way up in the government of Emon besides playing personal aide to Arbiter Ethna for the next ten years in hopes of getting appointed to a magistrate’s position someday.  Some kind of school for barristers and politicians, at least, instead of everything coming down to her parents’ names and polite tolerance for her existence.  Her advancement wouldn’t depend so much on this awkward noble apprenticeship system where she’s more tied to Ethna’s reputation than her own skills.

It’s got to be getting pretty close, though.  It’s 853 PD.  Emon’s a miracle of government and engineering.  Uriel Tal’dorei’s been dead for forty years, there haven’t been dragons around to ravage anything since Sasha’s parents were children, and every day law, order, and the modern age prove a little more how they triumph over chaos.

It’s good to live at this end of history, Sasha tends to think.  There’s just enough still to do in the world to give her a chance to do something really special about it.  Just enough wiggle room left to let her...bend the rules.  Just a little.

Nobody says arbiters and politicians can’t have a little magic on their side to...smooth things along, just a little.  Nobody says aides like Sasha can’t spend their free time however they like.  Nobody tells Sir Murasaki’s daughter she can’t go where she wants, besides Sir Murasaki himself.  If she likes to sit auditing classes in the back of the room at the Alabaster Lyceum--if she happens to enjoy practicing classical violin or running vocal exercises in her tiny little office behind Arbiter Ethna’s courtroom--well.  The bardic arts might be a relic of the past, when people had to go out slaying monsters and dealing with dragons every other day, but history hasn’t quite left them useless yet.  Anything can be a tool if you’re clever and charming enough to use it right.

Living at very-nearly-the-end of history might be the best tool there is.  The best thing about it, Sasha thinks, is the chance to make sure she’s the one who decides how it ends.

.

Sasha told Cam about her end-of-history theory once, some starlit evening on the rooftop balcony of his parents’ townhouse, looking out over the sparkling lights of the Cloudtop District and enjoying the quiet.  He’s not sure he’s smart enough to really understand it, but that’s Sasha for you.  There’s a reason she’s going to be on the Tal’Dorei Council someday, while Cam’s going to be...whatever Cam’s going to be, by then.

Probably running the family business, one way or another, if his dad hasn’t actually killed him instead of letting him inherit.  It’s basically fine, as life plans go.  Parts of it don’t suck.  That’s something.

It’s why everyone was so in favor of him courting around with Sasha in the first place, anyway.  The Murasakis are nobility and all, but they’re from some island in the middle of the Lucidian Ocean on the other side of Exandria.  The Solomons were nobodies, until they just happened to own the only still-operating stone quarry in a hundred miles in the wake of the destruction of Emon forty years ago.  Sasha’s parents have influence, Cam’s have money.  Even Cam knows putting that combination together is a recipe for power.

Real power, probably, not the magic kind.  Fewer rules.  Fewer restrictions.  Fewer demons, whispering in the back of your ear when you’re trying to sleep.

If this is really the perfect future that everything’s always been trying to lead to, then shouldn’t they have wizard magic or some shit that would just get the stone out of the ground without needing miners and overseers and crap like that?  And then, like, nobody would send some stupid human kid with no darkvision into the back end of the quarry just because he’s the boss’s son and some fucker thinks he needs to be hazed for “company morale” or whatever.  Just for example.

So maybe the world’s not getting better, it’s just that the bullshit that piles up a little deeper every year has just about reached a critical maximum.  That’s fine.  No wonder Sasha’s looking forward to the future so much, gets along with the world so well.  He used to watch her weave her own web of total crap every time she worked a room, catching eyes and shaking hands and making everybody fall in love with her as soon as they met.  It’s kind of the most impressive thing Cam’s ever seen.  He kind of hates her for it, right at this moment.

Cam’s just not built for that much shit.  He's charming, sure, people trust him, people like him, but he can’t talk his way out of any- and everything like Sasha can.  Probably that’s a nobility thing.  The Solomons aren’t nobility, everybody knows that, especially Cam’s dad, and he’s never let Cam forget it for two seconds in a row his whole life, so right, no wonder Cam’s useless in Sasha’s kind of world.  No wonder he lets himself get into such shitty situations sometimes.  No wonder he can’t get Anukirai to leave him--to leave Sasha--alone.

If that’s what he wants.  Which--it is, of course, it should be, it has to be, it’s just.  Hard, sometimes, when Cam’s father decides if he can’t be the normal born kind of nobility, he’d better just prove he’s the High Lord of All Assholes.  When Cam’s trying not to be the kind of guy who just up and punches his problems in the face.  When Anukirai starts making promises, and Cam--when Cam can feel the power behind them, the weight of thousands of years of lurking underground, lying in wait, full of so much more patience than Cam’s ever had himself.

He’s pretty sure he could Command his dad to do just about anything, once.  Just once.  So far he hasn’t tried.

The worst thing about living this close to the end of history, Cam knows for damn sure, is feeling the weight of all of it crushing down on top of you all the time.

.

Jamie’s heard about it, too, somewhere along the way.  Lunch with Sasha at the Lyceum is always interesting, one way or another.

It’s bullshit, of course, but it’s the sort of bullshit that always appeals to people like Sasha.  As though there are other people in the world like Sasha Murasaki.  Things don’t end, they just die occasionally, and leave stinking corpses of whatever they used to be there to entertain passers-by.  Witness the inside of poor Cameron Solomon’s head these days after that particular breakup, case in point.

But of course it’s enticing to picture the world as just half a step short of perfection, all the for pretty, perfect people who think they might just be that last piece of perfection Exandria’s waiting for.  That, at least, isn’t exactly an uncommon attitude around the Alabaster Lyceum.  Everybody thinks they’re going to be the next Allura Vysoren, or whoever it is they’re all idolizing these days.  Everybody thinks they need just that little bit of extra edge to get there.

Jamie’s done with that particular race, which doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy spectating it.  There’s a lot of benefits that come from staying enrolled as a student of the arcane arts at the Alabaster Lyceum of Emon.  Greg Wrenly keeps paying tuition, room, and board, for one.  There’s a handful of cantrips and a couple of halfway decent wizard spells in Jamie’s back pocket now, too, which is never a bad thing.  It’s always good to have options.

For instance: now the desperate, overachieving would-be wizards of the Lyceum don’t have to fight their way through years of arduous study and spend enormous reserves of magical energy to cast True Seeing.  A little bit of druidcraft, a couple of exactly the right mushrooms, and for a handful of gold coins Jamie can provide a direct line of sight to the Ethereal Plane with negligible side effects to follow.  Options.  They’re practically a public service.

Jamie prefers to keep as many options open as possible; gods know nobody in this fucking city seem to realize they have any.  That’s what needing to be the best will do to you.  If a quarter of their classmates realized how much power the average archdruid has at their command, there’d be a mass exodus of ex-arcanists desperate to be the next fucking Voice of the Tempest, every one of them desperate to live up to thousands of years of legends and heroes and complete fairytales.  Every single one of them would miss the entire point.

Jamie doesn’t need to be the best.  They just need to maintain their own, extremely specific skill set, market it in the right way to the right people, and not get caught up in everyone else’s everything.  Stay a minimum safe distance away from Sasha.  Enjoy Cam’s company without getting too invested in the pretty and the trauma.  Enough wizardry to mess with peoples’ heads and not be too bound to the whims of nature, enough druidry to keep in good supply and not be too bound to some fucking hand-scribed spellbook.  Enough alchemy to keep in business.  Enough business to make sure they don’t completely lose touch with reality, the way so many mages tend to do.

Of course it’s not exactly traditional, or historical, or Respectful of the Great Arts, or whatever the fucking line is.  What the hell would be the point of that?

The best thing about living on this end of history, whatever the fuck that means to anyone, is getting to pick and choose exactly which parts of it you want to keep.

.

Aff gets the whole history thing in pieces, in passing at first, but it makes more sense the more they think about it.  You can learn a lot slinging pints of ale in your dad’s tavern on a regular old Grissen weeknight.

It’s not like they’re friends with Sasha Murasaki of all people.  Aff hadn’t even known who she was until Amanda from the livery stable down the street explained it, and apparently there’s an actual member of a titled noble family on her way up the ranks in the Watchful Hall who comes out to Aff’s dad’s tavern, like, a lot, which is just crazy.  It’s just that sometimes when Sasha’s waiting for somebody, or she and her trio of Emon’s Who’s Who are bored or whatever, they invite Aff to sit down and talk for a while.  Cameron Solomon’s... whatever, he’s cool, Aff’s mom doesn’t live too far from his dad’s mine these days, so maybe they’d helped him out while he was puking in an alleyway once or twice before even moving to Emon, out in the countryside where being a super-rich merchant prince didn’t matter that much.  And Jamie...Aff doesn’t really get Jamie, but they’re in here a lot, alone at a table where a whole rotation of people sit down to join them and then leave ten minutes later.  You learn a lot about someone when they drink by themselves while they’re doing some kind of weird shady business in your bar at least once a week.  That’s all.

Aff doesn’t even really think any of them are friends with each other, either, anyway.  Sasha and Cameron used to come in on dates, a couple of kids from the Cloudtop slumming it in Diamond Liquor out in the Central District, but they don’t really do that any more.  The one time Sasha showed up when Cam was already here, he got up and left.  Sometimes Sasha goes and sits at Jamie’s table in the corner, and she’s usually there for a lot longer than ten minutes when she does, but she still always goes back to the rest of her crew and Jamie goes back to drinking alone.  Jamie and Cam have come in together a couple of times, and it seems like Jamie doesn’t even do business on those nights, but like, who even knows what’s up with that, right?

Not that Aff’s being creepy or anything.  They’re the bar...not-maid.  Bartender?  No, that’s their dad, ruling over the land of kegs behind the actual physical bar.  Bar...server?  Is that a thing?  Whatever, it is now.  Aff’s the bar-server, they hear things.  They notice things.  That’s all.

Like Sasha talking about the end of history, which, it took Aff a couple of different conversations to realize she didn’t mean the end of the world, which is probably good.  Aff’s pretty sure she means the fact that they live now, in modern times, which don’t really have dragon attacks or cool heroes or crazy adventures any more, because all the cool heroes already went on all the crazy adventures and killed the dragons so that modern times could happen in the first place.  Which is great!  Right, that’s totally for the best, dragons are definitely bad news.  Aff’s seen a couple of places where Emon got rebuilt forty or fifty years ago after half the city...melted, they guess?  So like, it’s good that that’s not happening nowadays.  That’s a good thing.

It’s just...

Look, Aff’s a good bar-server, or whatever you want to call it, and they like living here with their dad, and Emon’s not a bad place to be, it’s just.  Hard, sometimes.  It’s hard, when they get so angry they just want to hit something, again.  Like, a lot.  Again.

If there were still adventurers and dragons and shit, then maybe Aff would have a use for all that pent-up aggression or whatever.  Maybe they could, y’know, kill monsters or whatever, and it would make them a hero instead of a fuckup.  If it were still the old days like that, maybe Aff would be good for something.

If this really is the end of history or whatever, Aff thinks that maybe the hardest part is feeling like they got smacked down in the wrong part of it.

.

The trouble, of course, is that history is nowhere near through with them.  Or with its own twists and turns, which is how history tends to work, really, even when you think it’s all just about settled down.

The third week of Fessuran is...confusing, more than anything.  Everything happens so fucking fast, in a blur of blood and fear and sleep-deprivation, washed over with a little extra haze from Jamie’s very good berries, and a couple of days go by in either about two hours or two weeks, and this is never going to make a good story to tell any kids they ever have, if they ever survive long enough to have kids.

Half a dozen people are very dead, that’s very clear, well beyond the help of any cleric or reasonably-ethical necromancer.  Amanda from the livery stable down the street from Diamond Liquor was pale and streaked in blood, breathing shallowly and barely alive, last time they saw her.  That might be worth something, if they could figure out or agree on what.

The four of them are not dead.  They are not under arrest.  They’re not in Emon any more, either, but since staying away might be the only chance they have to keep being not-dead and not-arrested, that’s probably a win, too.

They look at each other, hollow-eyed and dazed, across the table at the only inn in the tiny nowhere town of Cinder Hills, where they didn’t dare sleep last night and had better leave the minute they finish breakfast and also decide what the hell comes next.

“What,” Cam says, speaking for them all, “the fuck?”

.

“Look,” Sasha says.  “It’s fine.  We just…go to another city, and wait for things to die down.  Come back when it’s all over and pretend none of it ever happened.  Nothing to do with us at all.”

It’s fine.  It has to be fine, because if it’s not then Sasha’s lost everything.  Jail isn’t the only way to be trapped.  Freedom costs so much.

“You cannot possibly think that’s going to work,” Jamie says scathingly.  “You think there’s anybody in Emon who doesn’t know who the great Sasha Murasaki is?  We run, and we do not come back.”

Fuck Jamie, fuck them, just…fuck.

She’s spent years building herself a future in Emon.  Years, fighting to make herself a place in history.  Scrounging for every fucking scrap her parents would let her have, every fraction of respect or freedom that couldn’t just be taken away on a whim because she didn’t lower her eyes enough on any random night.  And now she’s going to lose it to this?

“Um,” Aff says.  “I have family in Emon?  I’m not just going to disappear on my dad.  And like, what about Cam’s dad, or Sasha’s family, or–”

“I can’t see my dad right now,” Cam interrupts quickly.  “Leaving actually maybe sounds good.”

“Oh, and leaving where, Jamie?” Sasha demands, because she’s ignoring Cameron right now until she can handle looking at him.  “Are we all going to stay with your little forest friends?  Sleep on leaf mattresses and learn to be druids, then?”

Jamie snorts.  “I’m not taking any of you within ten fucking miles of any druid circle I’ve ever met.  You, they’d eat alive,” and he gestures dismissively at Aff, “and you, they’d never forgive me for.  Luckily the world’s pretty fucking big.”

“So, what, you just want to–what, get on a ship and go to Wildemount?” Cam asks, interrupting Sasha again before she can get started on what even she knows is going to come out sharp and bitter and useless.  “Never come home?”

“You can do whatever the fuck you want.  I’m going to Kymal as soon as I can get on the fucking road, to see if I can rebuild even a third of what I just left behind.” Jamie says, like it’s just…that easy.  “Maybe Westruun, eventually, depending on how that goes.”

Sasha cannot start over in fucking Kymal.  She can’t.  She’s going home.  She’ll get this straightened out.

Everybody knows who her parents are.  They could smooth the whole thing over, probably, if she went down on her knees and begged hard enough.  If she agreed to let them ship her off to whatever cloister or rich husband they chose, and lost everything to spending the rest of her life under her mother’s thumb and her father’s commands anyway.

Fuck.  Fuck.  It feels like the walls of this tiny shitty tavern room are closing in on her already.  Sasha is so fucked.

It was supposed to be perfect.  She was almost done.  She was on her way.  It was going to be perfect.

“We should probably stay together,” Cameron says worriedly, looking between Sasha and his precious Aff and Jamie fucking Wrenly.

“Westruun,” Sasha says.  It’s too small to build anything worth having and it’s too far away from everything she’s ever built so far and it’s too big for her to matter at all and it’s too close for her to really be safe.  Westruun’s nothing.  But at least it’s better than fucking Kymal.  “We can go to Westruun.”

Or Vasselheim.  Or Rexxentrum.  Or Ank’harel.  Or Port Damali.  Sasha’s a little afraid to start running.  She’s a little afraid that once she gets going, she won’t be able to stop.

.

Notes on Level 2:

Sasha, human bard 2 Cantrips: Message, Prestidigitation L1 spells (3/day): Charm Person, Sense Emotions, Disguise Self, Comprehend Languages, Detect Magic

Cameron, human warlock 2 Patron: Fiend Cantrips: Mage Hand, Friends L1 spells (2/day): Command, Charm Person, Hex Invocations: Beguiling Influence, Devil’s Sight

Jamie, human wizard 1 druid 1 Cantrips: Friends, Mind Sliver, Minor Illusion, Druidcraft, Infestation L1 spells (3/day) : Cause Fear, Color Spray, Silent Image, Charm Person, Sleep, Identify, plus any druid spells prepared that day

Aff, human barbarian 2 Rage (2/day): +2 damage

[joe-mazzello-archive]

The Strangers - Chapter One - Cold as Ice

A Joe Mazzello x OC fic

Word Count: 5.8k

Chapter Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption, sexual references

A/N: Here we go, gang! Please please please feel free to send me feedback/questions/theories. I want to hear from y’all! Also I do technically have a playlist for this series but since each chapter is a song title, the playlist is a bit on the spoilery side so I’ll wait until after it’s finished to link it. Also sorry that Ben is accidentally Barney Stinson. I needed someone to balance out Joe.

Joe shifted in the cold leather chair he sat in. He couldn’t help but fidget as he patiently waited for the door to the office across from him to open. He looked at his watch. 4:32pm. He’d been waiting for over ten minutes now, hoping that somehow his punctuality would make the meeting to go well.

His eyes wandered to the plaque next to the door. Theatre Arts Department Chair was engraved neatly into the gold metal. He couldn’t help but smile as he thought back to a conversation he had with Ben a week ago, before the meeting had even been scheduled.

“Mate, the fact that you’re not already the department chair over that old geezer is beyond me!” Ben had all but shouted through the crowded bar, swinging his mostly empty beer bottle around wildly. “I mean he doesn’t do shit! He sits at his big desk doing fuck all and takes a huge check home every month! You’re the one who really runs that department.” Joe threw his head back in laughter.

“Well last time I checked, he’s still got the title and I’m still a lowly professor. But I appreciate your enthusiasm, Ben,” Joe replied before finishing off his own beer.

“You should just take that shiny gold plate off the wall and hang it next to your office. See how long it takes that idiot to even notice!” Ben countered before waving down the bartender. Joe noticed and pushed his friend’s arm down.

“I think we’re both done for the night, dude. Besides, you’ve been so focused on me you haven’t even picked out your prey for the night,” Joe teased.

“Ey! Don’t call the women I sleep with and then never call again ‘prey’! I’m offended you think so little of me, Joseph,” Ben argued, before turning to survey the room.

The conversation seemed so long ago to Joe. What had started as a rant about how the department didn’t have enough funding to put on the shows he wanted to do led to a discussion about how Joe hadn’t received a raise in years. Ben urged him to setup a meeting with the department chair. The next day he found himself sending an email to his boss, asking to discuss the plans for the department for the next term.

A day after that, Joe regretted ever hitting send. In his inbox sat an email reply from the grumpy old man himself.

Sure. My office, Friday 4:30pm.

And there he sat, outside that very office, his knee bouncing the messenger bag that sat on his lap as he rehearsed in his head what he wanted to say to the man.

Finally, the door opened and Joe all but jumped to his feet.

“Mr. Mazzello, come on in,” the man growled, his deep gravelly voice giving the impression that he had a perpetual sore throat. Joe shuffled into the large office, eyes glued to the floor, heart pounding. He cursed himself for listening to Ben. He’s rarely listened to Ben before. Why did he start now?

The old man grunted as he sat down, his desk chair that had been there since the department was built squeaking underneath his weight. Joe took a seat in one of the dusty chairs on the other side of the large wooden desk. Clearly this office rarely saw visitors.

As the old man adjusted his tie and glasses, Joe took a moment to glance around the spacious office. The off-white walls were bare except for a few certificates framed behind the elder man’s head. A small bookshelf sat off to the side, the shelves half empty, with only various binders and knick knacks cluttering the spaces. In the corner sat a tall filing cabinet that looked like it hadn’t been touched in decades. The man’s desk was almost bare except for a laptop computer, a pile of papers, and one lone picture frame that faced him. Joe couldn’t help but be curious as to who’s face the chairman looked at all day long, considering the man had never married nor had children.

The room was the complete opposite of Joe’s chaotic office. Every bit of wall space in Joe’s office was covered in posters for previous productions, show programs, and framed photos of casts and crews from shows past. He hadn’t seen the actual top of his desk since his first year as a professor, every inch being covered in scripts and books.

“I believe you mentioned in your email that you wanted to discuss next term. If I recall correctly, I already approved next year’s season of shows,” the man said, his head cocked to the side as he stared at the young professor. Joe wrung his hands together as worked up the nerve to respond.

“Yes sir, you did,” was Joe’s simple reply, his voice shaky.

“Then what more needs discussing?” the man asked, somewhat incredulously. Joe took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully.

“This past term, we ran into roadblocks when it came to our budget for our productions. We wanted to do things that weren’t realistic when it came to what funding we did have. So I dipped into my own funds to make those things happen. And as a result, we put on some of the best shows the department has ever done.” Joe suddenly found a burst of confidence, surprised at how assured his statements sounded.

“I was unaware of this. Did you submit for reimbursement? That can easily be arranged,” the man replied, his demeanor softening at Joe’s words. Joe felt the energy in the room shift; as if Joe was now in control of the conversation.

“I honestly don’t think that’s necessary, sir. What I am asking for is that you find more in the department budget for our productions, so we can make these things happen with nothing to hold us back,” Joe proposed, the quivering in his voice completely gone now.

The man paused for a moment, processing what had just been asked of him. He turned to his laptop, squinting as he began to mash at the keyboard. Joe sat frozen, his confidence beginning to waver as he waited with bated breath for the old man’s reply. After what felt like an hour, but was probably no more than ten seconds, the man turned back to the auburn-haired professor.

“Consider it done.”

Joe’s eyes widened and he suddenly found it hard to breathe.

“Sir?” he squeaked out.

“I was extremely impressed with this past season. If you’re telling me you can continue to reach that level of quality and beyond, I see no reason to not expand the production budget,” the man continued. Joe couldn’t help but grin like an idiot, surprised at the response he had gotten.

“Thank you sir, we can absolutely do that,” Joe replied, nodding almost too eagerly. The old man turned back to his laptop, typing away once again.

“I’m also going to approve a 10% salary increase for you,” the man added before standing up and stretching out his hand.

Joe mirrored his actions, getting up so fast that the blood rushed to his head. He took the man’s hand and shook it vigorously.

“Thank you, so much sir. I don’t know what to say,” Joe spat out, realizing that he was probably shaking the man’s hand too long. Joe released the chairman’s hand, realizing his own hands were jittery with excitement.

“No need to say any more, I actually have another meeting in a few minutes. Enjoy the rest of your Friday, Mr. Mazzello,” the man answered, sitting back down and immediately turning back to his computer, as if Joe wasn’t even in the room anymore.

“You too, sir. Thank you again!” Joe crowed as he grabbed his bag and moved towards the exit. The man didn’t even look back up.

It wasn’t until Joe was back in his own office that he truly processed everything that had just happened. Not only did he successfully argue for more funding, he got a raise without even asking. He whipped out his phone, pulling up his friends’ group chat.

Joe: I MADE THAT MEETING MY BITCH Lucy: You kiss your mother with that mouth? Ben: you got the funding???? Joe: AND A RAISE Rami: I have no idea what we’re talking about. Lucy: Babe I told you, Joe was trying to convince the department head to give him more money for shows. Ben: fuck yeah mate!!!! Bevs tonight to celebrate??? Joe: I absolutely need a beer. Or several. Rami: I’m in. Lucy: I’m there too! Ben: as the kids say, let’s get TURNT Joe: Please never say that again.

And that’s how Joe found himself bar-hopping in the city with his three closest friends. After closing out the bill in bar number three, Joe was starting to pass the threshold between tipsy and drunk. He debated about calling himself an Uber, pulling up the app to determine how much one would be. But suddenly his phone was ripped from his hand.

“What do you think you’re doing? The night is so very young, Joseph,” Ben slurred, locking Joe’s phone and putting it in his own pocket. Ben swung his arm around Joe’s shoulders. “We still gotta hit up Sully’s!”

“I’ve heard that place is such a dive, Ben. Can we go literally anywhere else?” Lucy asked, swirling the last of her cocktail before downing it. Rami’s arms were wrapped around her waist while he slowly swayed to the background music playing through the bar’s speakers.

“How else are we gonna find a girl who’ll be interested in Joe?” Ben said with a shit-eating grin, squeezing Joe’s shoulder.

“Gee thanks, Ben,” Joe replied with an eye roll.

“Besides, an old mate of mine is one of the bartenders there. I’m sure he can hook us up with some free drinks or something,” Ben added, practically dragging Joe towards the bar exit. Lucy and Rami followed behind without further argument.

After stumbling four or five blocks, the group finally found the correct street. A neon red sign reading “BAR” hung above the door and the name Sullivan Street was etched in white letters on the window.

Ben led the group inside the almost full bar. Joe couldn’t help but scan the room, Ben’s comment rolling around in his head. Not that he had been actively looking before tonight, but it had been awhile since Joe had been with someone. Mostly because his work took most of his focus away. But with only exam week left before the summer began, Joe felt like he finally had time for something. Or someone.

His eyes darted around the bar as the group continued to follow the blonde Brit. Ben wove through the crowd to the stairs leading to the second floor. The upper floor was much smaller and definitely less crowded. A small bar with one lone bartender was tucked in the corner, while the room was littered with high top tables. At the back of the room was a small stage boasting an array of instruments surrounding a large drumset with the words Parkway Diner neatly painted on the bass drum.

Ben made his way over to the bar, the group close behind. The lone bartender’s face lit up as Ben approached him. While the two exchanged pleasantries and a handshake, the group took seats at the bar, Joe continuing to survey his surroundings. A female laugh rang out and drew his attention to one of the high-tops closest to the stage. The laugh belonged to a small woman with bleached blonde hair that she styled in a messy pixie cut. Her burgundy crew-neck sweatshirt contrasted against the sea of tank tops and t-shirts the other bar-goers wore. A shiny black color coated her nails; standing out against the pale skin of her hand that held her beer.

Joe watched as she clinked that beer with the three men surrounding her at the table. Joe was immediately intrigued by the woman, who almost looked too young to be in a bar. He watched as she pulled out her phone, glancing at the screen before shoving it back into the pocket of her black jeans. She raised her hand, seemingly signaling something to the men around her. They immediately understood whatever the message was, as they all simultaneously left the table and headed through a door next to the stage.

Joe suddenly understood. They were the band, and they had five minutes until their set.

But the woman remained, downing the rest of her beer. She turned and surveyed the room, almost the same as Joe had been doing moments before. All of a sudden, her eyes connected with his, and he found himself smiling.

But the moment was brief, as the woman just continued to look around the room, not even noticing Joe.

“Earth to Mazzello!” Ben’s voice rang out in Joe’s ear, pulling him from his trance.

“Sorry, what?” Joe replied, turning to face his friend.

“Gwil, this inattentive asshole is my coworker, Joe,” Ben said to the tall bartender.

“Pleasure to meet you, Joe,” the bartender greeted, stretching his hand out for a shake. “I’m Gwilym, but call me Gwil.” Joe shook the man’s hand, quickly noticing how much the bartender towered over him.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Joe answered before quickly turning his attention back to the high top by the stage. But the woman had vanished, forcing Joe’s focus back to his friends. “Is there a band performing tonight?”

“Oh yeah. Friday nights we have a seventies pop and rock cover band called Parkway Diner,” Gwil responded, wiping down an empty glass.

“They any good?” Ben asked, playing with a lime on the bar before Gwil swatted his hand away.

“Oh, they’re way too good to be playing here. Their drummer and lead singer is incredible,” Gwil replied before gesturing to the rest of the group. “Drinks anyone? First round is on me.”

Drink orders were taken as a distracted Joe’s mind couldn’t shake the image of the small blonde woman. He looked at his watch, hoping the five minute warning she gave the other men was up soon so she’d reappear.

As if on cue, the other bar patrons began to cheer as the woman and her bandmates entered the stage. The woman pulled two drumsticks from her boot as she found her spot at the drum kit. Joe watched her curiously as she fidgeted with a microphone that was at level with her face.

Before Joe could inquire more about the woman, a guitar riff pierced through the bar. The woman seemed unfazed as she joined in on the drums, the rest of the band following suit. The woman leaned towards the microphone, never missing a beat before singing out.

Now if you're feelin' kinda low 'bout the dues you've been paying Future's coming much too slow And you want to run but somehow you just keep on stayin' Can't decide on which way to go Yeah, yeah, yeah I understand about indecision But I don't care if I get behind People livin' in competition All I want is to have my peace of mind

Joe was entranced by the woman. Her voice was beautifully raspy and harsh, perfectly fitting the hard rock song. She belted every note with ease, all while she drummed away. Joe found himself hypnotized by her passion as she performed, each note and drum beat piercing through him. He felt a tap on his shoulder and a glass of beer was shoved in front of him. He grabbed it, his eyes not leaving the stage for even a moment.

Now you're climbin' to the top of the company ladder Hope it doesn't take too long Can'tcha you see there'll come a day when it won't matter? Come a day when you'll be gone, whoa I understand about indecision But I don't care if I get behind People livin' in competition All I want is to have my peace of mind Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Joe was completely blown away. The woman’s fervor in her performance was intoxicating; she played the drums like it was the most important thing she could ever do. But the thing that Joe was most affected by was the woman’s absolute joy as she struck each drum and sang each lyric. She smiled and laughed, seemingly losing herself in the music. Joe was almost jealous; he wracked his memories, trying to determine if he’d ever been that happy in his life.

Now everybody's got advice they just keep on givin' Doesn't mean too much to me Lots of people out to make-believe they're livin' Can't decide who they should be, whoa I understand about indecision But I don't care if I get behind People livin' in competition All I want is to have my peace of mind Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, look ahead

She sang out the last lyric with such intensity, that by the time she stopped singing, Joe realized he had been holding his breath. The woman continued to beat the set in front of her, finishing the song by throwing her sticks above her head.

Joe hadn’t even noticed the crowd that had formed in front of the group until they roared with applause. Joe joined in, cheering and clapping for the performance.

“Holy shit, you weren’t kidding, Gwil,” Rami shouted over the crowd.

“Yeah, they’re the real deal,” Gwil replied before turning his attention to another patron.

The band played a few more songs for the continually growing crowd. Joe’s friends chatted away behind him, while his attention never left the stage. Despite the several drinks he had consumed since the night began, Joe felt sober as ever. He only knew one thing: he needed to meet the woman on the stage before him.

As each song ended, Joe prayed that it was the last, wanting nothing more than for the woman to return to her original high top so he could weave his way over to her. He wanted to be around her, hear her speak, ask her questions. He was so fascinated by her and he didn’t even know her name.

Finally, the desperate man got his wish.

“Thanks everyone, we’re gonna take a short break and be back in a little bit,” the guitar player announced through his microphone.

Joe’s eyes followed the woman as she squeezed past her drumset and the discarded instruments amongst the stage. And much to his delight, she headed right his way.

“Gwilly! The usual please,” the woman shouted before slapping both hands on the bar counter next to Joe, paying him no mind.

“Already got it ready for ya,” Gwil replied, handing her a mixed drink. “Oh, Mar, this is an old mate of mine, Ben. And these are his friends.”

“Gwil, you have a friend other than me? I’m proud of you, bud,” the woman teased before sticking her tongue out at him. Gwil flipped her off in response.

“I’m Lucy and this is my boyfriend Rami. You’re so talented!” Lucy gushed as she rested her hand on her heart. The woman chuckled before responding, the sound like music to Joe’s ears. He wanted nothing more than to make her laugh again and again.

“I’m Marley. And thanks,” she replied quickly before taking a sip of her drink.

“I’m Joe,” Joe added, unable to hide the huge grin that had taken up residence on his face. Marley simply nodded in response, seemingly uninterested in the group’s presence.

“Pleasure,” Marley responded coldly, turning back to Gwil and taking another sip of her drink. “Gwil, can you tell Paul the right amp is being weird again? I can still hear a tiny bit of feedback.”

Joe wanted her attention again, but the woman seemed more focused on the drink in her hand than anything else.

“Why can’t you tell him?” Gwil countered, pouring a beer for himself.

“He’s still mad I called him a cuntfuck, so he’s giving me the silent treatment,” Marley answered, before she downed the rest of her drink, slammed the glass on the counter, and headed back in the direction of the stage.

And just like that she was gone. The group was left speechless, with Joe caught up on the way she said “cuntfuck” so casually.

“Well she’s a friendly one, huh?” Ben sarcastically commented after a few seconds of awkward silence.

“Yeah that’s Mar for ya. She’s a bit rough around the edges. Took her months of playing here to finally warm up to me,” Gwil offered.

“Is she single?” Joe asked, his own words surprising him. He had been thinking it, but wasn’t planning on actually asking it. Gwil let out a deep belly laugh.

“Good luck with that one, mate. Like I said, tough one to crack,” Gwil said, continuing to laugh.

Joe furrowed his brow, put off by the man’s laugh at his expense. So she was not the most friendly person at first. Big deal, Joe had met people like her before. He had students who put up the same walls. He knew that under her hard shell, she was full of passion. He could tell by the way she lost herself in her music.

Joe knew he had to be patient. He knew people like that needed time to open up, to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to “figure her out”; he didn’t want to search through her soul and dig up her deepest insecurities. He wanted her to offer herself openly, to trust him enough to let down her walls.

Joe chastised himself for only saying two words to her, feeling like he fumbled their first meeting. But he wasn’t going to let that or Gwil’s reaction deter him.

Marley. Her name rang through his mind as he watched her return to her spot behind the bass drum, effortlessly twirling a drumstick between her fingers. The familiar intro of “Roxanne” by the Police rang out through the room. Joe spotted an empty high top closer to the stage, the same table the band had occupied before their first set. He made his way over to it, weaving through the droves of people singing along, leaving his friends and the judgmental bartender behind. He leaned on the table, nursing his beer as Marley and the rest of the band played their hearts out. Joe’s eyes centered in on the fiery blonde, watching every flick of her wrists, every arch of her back. She finished singing the first chorus and flung her head to the side, letting the music dictate her movement. She bobbed to the beat of the musical break, turning to survey the crowd.

And for the second time that night, her eyes locked onto Joe’s. This time he wasn’t grinning like an idiot. He kept his eyes soft, but his face almost completely neutral. Her stare lingered for a moment, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips before turning back to the mic to start the next verse.

Progress, Joe thought. He only wanted to pique her curiosity in him, to even the playing field a bit. Marley had taken up so much space in Joe’s head already, he wanted her to wonder about him too.

The rest of the group eventually joined him at the high top as the night went on. Rami and Lucy swayed to the music and even sang along to some of the songs, with Ben more focused on the drunk brunette who had been hanging all over him for the past half hour. Every once in awhile, Marley’s eyes would meet Joe’s. Each meeting was like a duel, both parties challenging the other to look away. Joe won every time, having the advantage of not having to perform for a group of rowdy bar-goers.

After a few more classic seventies hits, the band finally finished their set to deafening applause from the crowd. Joe had to admit that Gwil was right about one thing, they really were way too good to be playing in a dive bar like Sully’s. Joe wondered if they played original music, filing that question away for when he actually got to have an actual conversation with Marley.

The three men each bowed while Marley simply gave the audience a half-assed mock salute before climbing off the stage and heading straight back to the bar. Joe stood up straight from the table, before an arm snaked around his shoulders.

“You ready to call it?” Lucy asked, resting her head against Joe. “Rami is seconds away from falling asleep. I think Ben fucked off somewhere with that girl so the three of us can split an Uber.” Joe glanced in the direction of the bar, the stools empty except for Marley, who appeared to be having a wildly dramatic conversation with Gwil.

“I think I’m gonna stick around, Luce. But thanks,” Joe replied, snaking his own arm around Lucy’s back to pull her into a side hug.

“Okay, text me when you get home so I know you’re not dead,” she added before peeling Rami off the high top.

“Will do.”

He patted his pocket and suddenly realized that Ben still had his phone. Well shit. He shook the thought from his head. He had more important matters to attend to.

Once the pair disappeared down the stairs, Joe began to make his way back over to the bar. He quickly downed the rest of his beer as he approached, giving him a reason to go to the bar other than the woman perched at it. Suddenly he was cut off by a hand landing on his shoulder.

“Hey, there you are. Where are the lovebirds?” Ben questioned, eyes darting around in search of the couple.

“They headed out. Where have you been?” Joe countered, shrugging Ben’s hand off.

“Oh you know, the bathroom,” Ben answered evasively. Joe then noticed the dark mark under Ben’s left ear and he suddenly understood.

“For fuck’s sake, Ben. Not even taking her back to your place this time? You just knocked it out in the bathroom of a shitty bar?” Joe teased, shaking his head.

“Hey, I offered, but the girl had no patience. I just gave her what she wanted,” Ben boasted. Joe rolled his eyes.

“What a gentleman,” Joe commented. “Can I have my phone back please?”

“So what are you still doing here?” Ben asked, slamming Joe in the chest with his own phone. Joe took the phone back and simply looked in the direction of the bar at the woman seated there. She was laughing at something Gwil had said, the sound carrying throughout the bar that was slowly emptying now that the show was over. Ben followed Joe’s eyes and understood immediately. “You trying to go for the drummer?”

“I just want to talk to her,” Joe admitted, his voice low.

“Well good thing your best friend is here to wingman for ya,” Ben offered, swinging an arm around Joe’s shoulders. Joe shrugged it off with a chuckle.

“Lucy is my best--”

“Shut up, let’s go,” Ben interrupted before heading towards the bar. He slapped his palms down on the counter, much like Marley had done before. He slid on the stool one away from Marley, giving Joe the opportunity to take the spot next to her. Maybe Ben did know what he was doing. Joe took his seat, briefly glancing to his right. He found Marley’s brown eyes glaring at him for a moment before turning back to her drink.

“Gwilym, another round for me and Joseph. The boy needs it,” Ben exclaimed. The tall bartender nodded before grabbing two glasses.

Joe pondered what to say to the woman next to him. He wanted to come off as cool and collected, not wanting to act like he was as engrossed by her as he truly was. He didn’t want her to think he was some slimy dude trying to get in her pants. He needed to establish himself as someone as intriguing as she was. Gwil handed him his beer with a nod and a knowing smile. He was onto Joe.

Joe pushed the bartender out of his head and leaned slightly in Marley’s direction.

“I’m sure you hear this all the time, but you’ve got a killer voice,” Joe offered, his own voice somewhat quiet so only she could hear him. He played the sentence back in his head. Was it too gushy? Was it too cliche? Suddenly his normal confidence when talking to women was disappearing. He was second-guessing himself. He found himself briefly glancing at Ben for his reaction, but the Brit was too wrapped up in a conversation with Gwil. He was on his own. Some wingman, Joe thought. But his trepidation was immediately sated by Marley’s slight chuckle.

“Eh, I don’t mind hearing it anyway. Thanks,” Marley answered, holding her drink towards him, almost as a peace offering. Joe smiled and clinked his glass against hers. They both took a sip of their respective drinks before Joe continued.

“It kind of begs the question, what the hell are you doing in a place like this?” Joe inquired, propping his elbow on the bar and his chin on his knuckles. Marley was unfazed by the question, giving a noncommittal shrug.

“Pays the bills,” she responded, fingers tracing the condensation on her glass.

“Why seventies music?” Joe asked. Marley finally turned to face him, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.

“You are just full of questions, aren’t you?” Marley challenged. Joe was unsure if she was genuinely annoyed or just playing with him. He decided to take the risk.

“How else are we supposed to get to know each other?”

“Who says I want to get to know you?”

“Well you haven’t called me a ‘cuntfuck” yet, so I’m taking that as a good sign.”

Marley threw her head back with a cackle, the sound reverberating through Joe’s chest.

“Touche, random guy, touche,” she finally said, arching an eyebrow. “You haven’t been a cuntfuck. At least not yet.”

“I guess there’s still time,” Joe added with a smile. “And it’s Joe.”

“Right. Joe,” she corrected, unfolding her arms and relaxing a bit. Joe was now close enough to notice that her maroon sweatshirt had small white text across the front of it. Squinting to try and decipher it in the dim lighting of the bar, he suddenly recognized the words. The infamous “to be or not to be” speech from Hamlet.

“Shakespeare, huh?” Joe pointed out, nodding his head in the direction of the text in question. “A woman after my own heart.”

Another deep cackle. This one a bit more forced than the last.

“Not in the slightest,” Marley responded with a smirk, patting Joe’s thigh and turning back to sip her drink. The interaction was confusing, her words like a slap in the face but her touch warming every inch of his body. Joe couldn’t let himself get caught up in the moment. He had to keep the conversation going, or she’d lose interest.

“So do you agree with Hamlet?” Joe asked. Marley cocked her head, clearly surprised by either the question itself or the fact that Joe wasn’t discouraged by her rejection. Maybe both. She turned back to the man, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Are you asking if I agree that the concept of death is scary? Or if I agree that taking one’s life is the most powerful thing one can do the combat the shittiness of living? Because both questions are pretty heavy-handed considering we’ve just met,” Marley argued, leaning forward to emphasize her point.

“Would you rather I ask about your favorite color or whether you prefer Coke to Pepsi?” Joe countered, arching an eyebrow. Marley paused, eyeing Joe up and down and pursing her lips.

“I would rather ask you a question for once, oh curious one,” she finally answered. More progress. He had her hooked. “So. Joe. What do you do? You know, other than pester random women in bars.” It was Joe’s turn to chuckle.

“I’m a theatre professor over at the college,” Joe revealed. Marley smirked and nodded.

“Oh, yeah. That explains a lot,” Marley commented, before finishing her drink. Joe folded his arms this time, leaning closer.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Marley opened her mouth to respond, but Gwil appeared.

“Sorry to interrupt, but we’re closing up shop soon,” the bartender admitted, swinging a towel over his shoulder and handing Joe his bill. Joe glanced at his watch. 1:57am. He groaned, knowing his time with the woman was up.

“Well, this certainly has been...a conversation,” Marley declared, drumming her fingers on her thighs. Joe signed his bill with a smile.

“That it was,” Joe replied, before grabbing a cocktail napkin. He jotted down his number and slid the napkin towards Marley. She eyed the napkin with an arched eyebrow. “In case you want to banter with me again.”

Marley’s eyes flashed between Joe and the napkin a few times. Joe held his breath, hoping the bold move would pay off. After a few more seconds and another pursing of her lips, she snatched the napkin and stuffed it into her pocket. Without another word, she hopped off the stool and disappeared into the door next to the stage.

Joe finally let out the breath he had been holding, sliding off of his own bar stool. Ben nudged him.

“How’d you do? I’ll be honest, I was not paying attention whatsoever,” Ben admitted, as the two men began to make their way down the stairs and towards the bar’s exit.

“Yeah, I noticed. And I think it went well. I gave her my number,” Joe answered. Ben chuckled and shook his head lovingly.

“Mate, you’re supposed to get her number,” Ben countered as he pushed the front door of the bar open for the two of them.

“I figured she probably wouldn’t give it to me if I asked. So I put the ball in her court,” Joe said with a shrug.

A short Uber ride later, Joe found himself back in his own apartment. He sighed as he settled into bed, Marley still at the forefront of his mind. Everything about her was absolutely fascinating. She had a youthful radiance about her, yet she was hard and cynical. She performed with such love for what she was doing, but the second she was off the stage, she hated the world. Joe hadn’t met anyone like her before.

But for now all he could do was let his mind wander, and hope that he’d hear from her soon.

All he could do was wait.

--

Taglist: @hellysthings​ @queenspur​ @briarrose26​

[margoshansons]

Even numbers for the fic writer game?

2) Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I have not yet done true enemies to friends to lovers and I need to do it because I love it so much.

4) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Oh man. So many. I have Alfie’s fic Chaos Theory, Stella’s Fic, my Bucky Barnes found family Fic and literally so many that are half outlined. I always have at least five to ten ideas running through my brain at any given moment. 

One I’m really excited about that isn’t OC related is a Bellarke Much Ado About Nothing AU, with Bellamy as Benedick, Clarke as Beatrice, Raven as Hero, Finn as Claudio, and Roan and Ontari as Don Pedro and Don John.

6) Share one of your weaknesses.

I am awful at writing action scenes. I actively go out of my way to avoid them. (Like making Jas faint during the Mutliplex fight). I am also really bad at tagging dialogue.

8) Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”

Cisco smirked at her response, “please, you practically drool all over him when he’s in the room.”

She shook her head, “Barry’s my best friend, that’s all,” She began, sticking her tongue out at Cisco, “and I do not drool”

This is such a sibling interaction and I could see the entire scene unfold before my entire eyes. Plus, I’d never been good at writing Cisco, and then this scene happened and It just felt perfect.

10) Which fic has been the easiest to write?

Surprisingly, Chain Reaction. I wasn’t expecting it to be so easy, but Jasmine’s character really just flew off the pages for me.

12) Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

Legends of Tomorrow: “Phone Home” or “Legends of To-Meow-Meow”

Both of them are meaningful but hilarious while playing with traditional tropes and just going batshit crazy. It reminds me to not take my work too seriously.

14) What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Don’t name your characters using the same initial or with phonetically similar names. 

Fuck that! I will name my characters however I see fit. It stifles creativity and if you have a name that would work, then use it! 

16) If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Look, you know it, I know it, the entire community knows it. Bellarke for life baby!

18) Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

I use outlines, OneNote, character worksheets and timelines to keep everything in check. I am a very messy and disorganized person so the more I can organize my thoughts the better. 

20) Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Just me, a coffee, my bedroom, a comfortable chair, my headphones, a good playlist and people to talk to and bounce ideas off of. (but they stay quiet or are virtual)

22) Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

a soft melody left her lips, rising up through the cold air, her breath creating a cloud every time she let out a note.

Cosette reached in her pocket to grab the forty-sous. Her hand came up empty. Oh no. What was she going to do now? 

Her sore throat burned as she swallowed down her nerves, anxiously pulling the ragged shawl closer around her shoulders, the frayed threads barely keeping the garment together while she reached down to grab the wooden bucket, water rushing over her bare feet, freezing her already cold legs. 

Y’all, this is from the archives, so I hope you enjoy this.

24) Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

When I was starting out yes. Now I don’t unless I plan on not continuing it. Every piece of writing you put out is valuable.

26) Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I try to as much as possible! I don’t really get many offers to beta, but when I do, I try my best. I’m a pretty harsh editor and I know what I like and don’t like so I try to be supportive with a hint of “this kind of sucks but I respect your decisions”

28) Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@probably-voldemort : I’ve mentioned them so much on this site, but they are honestly one of the most talented writers I’ve ever encountered. The way they detail every character’s thought process and the dialogue and the ANGST. It’s all just *chef’s kiss*

@cassercole : Liz is so fantastic as coming up with unique ideas and making you care about the characters she creates. Like, I was really on the fence about Bucky, until I read RIM and then I was like, ‘I get it now’

@ocfairygodmother: The og and the person who inspired me to join the OC community, Jan is so talented at creating her own canon and then making it work with already existing canon. Like Entreat Me Not To Leave is my main source of Outlander news now. I don’t even watch the show anymore because her fic replaced it in my mind.

30) Do you accept prompts?

Absolutely! I just may not get to them for a while haha.

32) How do you feel about smut?

Alright look, I’m not good at writing it, and I’m not a fan of reading it. I just have a really complicated relationship with sex in general and I’d rather keep it out of my writing until I know more about it.

34) What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

FUCK THAT!!! 

YOU KNOW WHAT’S SEXY? CONSENT!!

36) Which is your favorite site to post fic?

AO3 for life BABYYYY!

38) Talk about a review that made your day.

I don’t get that many reviews, but literally any of them make my day. I just love it when people show interest in my writing! 

40) Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Oooh, Okay. I’m hoping you mean Chain Reaction, since that’s what I’m working on right now, and while the ending is FAAAAARRRR away, I think I have a good alternate ending. (I’m probably gonna cut it off at Crisis or just skip over season 6)

Barry and Iris end up together, Eddie comes back to life and ends up with Jasmine after Crisis.

FANFIC WRITER ASK

[nikfehu]

Season 7 Thoughts

Hey there y’all. Bought time I shared what I thought of the new season now that I’ve been able to think through everything. Remember, these are my opinions, so of course y’all don’t have to agree with me. And go ahead and send me whatever you feel like you gotta because of what I said, hate, agreement, whatever. Also, this will not be spoiler free. Let’s goooooooo (Also, apology ahead of time because this is going to be loooooong)

So I personally thought this season was actually really good. I liked the fact that it was split into two different sections - the space trip arc and the saving Earth arc - with a two episode connection between them. To me, it made it a lot easier to follow what was going on while the Voltron crew was making their way back to Earth.

There was a lot of action happening in just the trip back. Having the game show in there definitely broke up the trip, keeping us interested in what was going on. The part where they were left adrift in space got really real, letting us see what the Paladins thought about each other and about being Paladins.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about how Keith and Lance spoke, and the way I see it is that Lance had finally snapped about how Keith had left them for the Blade. It was said that Lance had a void from where Keith had left. Keith was frustrated with everything, and snapped too. I don’t think they were trying to be mean to each other. I think it’s that they got overwhelmed with everything and snapped.

The part where they were captured by Ezor and Zethrid was super interesting! I viewed it as our first canonically LGBTQ+ couple in the show, and it made me really happy to see it. I really loved how as soon as they decided they were going to torture Pidge, Lance shot up to protect her, even if he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to do much. The fact that his first instinct was to charge them makes me really happy.

Axca coming back against Ezor and Zethrid was really shocking. I hadn’t thought she would ever turn against them. I don’t remember if it ever explained why she did, but I really want to know. I know people are freaking out about Keith and Axca now being written as a couple. But honestly? I don’t see that happening. But I guess we’ll see in the next season.

The saving Earth arc was so action packed and so emotional for everyone. I’m glad that James got his chance to redeem himself from the Garrison for Keith (though we only saw him being a jerk at the very beginning of the season, so he may have fixed things with him before hand). The Garrison working with Voltron was literally the coolest thing ever.

Lance and Pidge reuniting with their families got me in the feels. I almost cried during those scenes. The Holt family reunion was so precious, cause Colleen finally got her family back. Lance’s family, oh my god, that was such an amazing reunion. Lance’s niece and nephew calling him Uncle Lance made me smile so much. I got really sad when Hunk couldn’t find his family, but I was proud of him for being so determined to find them that he was able to override his fear.

I was really happy to see Keith making up with Iverson, and then later coming to Hunk to talk to him about his family and offering to help him find them. Keith himself said he was bad at this stuff, but the fact that he was willing to help means that he’s making an attempt to open up (I’m assuming it was because of what had happened while they were stranded in space). I also think this was his way of trying to make up with Hunk about the things he had said earlier on in the season.

I’m really happy we got to see Lance acting like a brother with Veronica. We always knew how important his family was. But it wasn’t until he was willing to die to protect her that we realized just how far he was willing to go to keep them safe. That part had me on the edge of my seat because Red wasn’t responding to him and I was so scared that something bad was going to happen.

I definitely wasn’t ready for Admiral Sanda to betray the Paladins to protect Earth. I know she was doing what she thought was best, but I think if she had listened to what everyone was saying about the Galra, she would’ve realized that the Galra can’t be trusted to keep up their end of deals. And even though this made me hate her, I definitely did not want to see her die. I wanted to see her get a chance to make things right with everyone back on Earth for betraying them.

Psychic connections with the lions?? What?? I knew that the Paladins had to capable of some amazing things in order to gain the trust of them. But I didn’t know they could essentially project their spirits into the and pilot them! Even Shiro didn’t, and he was stuck inside Black for 4 season! I’m so proud of them for being able to do something so amazing!

Okey, but the Atlas essentially turning into Earth’s Voltron because of Shiro? How freaking cool is that!! It makes me wonder if that means that if Voltron goes back into space if Shiro is going to stay on Earth (along with if Hunk, Pidge, and Lance will). Shiro was able to do so much without having a lion this season, it was so amazing. I will admit I thought Sendak was going to kill him if the crystal lightening didn’t, but I’m so glad Keith was able to save him. I was also sobbing during Shiro’s speech because the Paladins were no where to be found and they had been hit with something that should’ve killed them. I thought they had died and I was so heart broken.

I have so many questions about the final robot and the Altean that was found to be piloting it. I have a theory that it’s Haggar’s doing, that she found the Altean colony and, using the knowledge and magic she learned on Oriande, was able to convince them that she was good and that Allura and Voltron are evil. I’m pretty sure Romelle is going to be the only person who will be able to convince them that Haggar is the evil one.

So, now onto the touchy subject - LGBTQ+ Rep. I think even though we all wanted Lance to talk to Shiro about his sexuality and have Shiro and Adam reunite, having what we did is a start. Ezor and Zethrid having an entire episode is absolutely amazing. We’re all assuming they died in the explosion, but it was never confirmed that they did. So while we might think our canon lesbian couple is dead, they may not be, and they may show up in the next season. And if they don’t, the fact that we got it is so amazing.

The Shiro and Adam situation is a very touchy topic. I think killing Adam off was a bad call, but I can make some assumptions as to why they did it. Killing him meant that Shiro had a personal reason (other than saving Earth) to do everything he could to defeat Sendak. I’m really hoping they touch on it in the next season, because Shiro needs a chance to grieve for his boyfriend/fiance. Just because we didn’t get the interactions between them that we wanted doesn’t mean we didn’t get any rep. Shiro himself is our rep, whether it gets focused on or not.

Now onto the most touchy topic - Klance, Allurance, and Kaxca. People are saying that Klance is dead because Axca suddenly shows up and Ezor made a comment about her being in love with him. I really don’t see this as ever happening. I get the vibe that Axca is somehow related to him (maybe she’s Krolia and Kolivan’s child? They seem to be a thing when they’re in Keith’s room)

Allurance is also something I don’t think will happen. It’s been 7 seasons and it’s just now that we’re seeing Allura seeing Lance as more than the goofball he is. I think she’s a little desperate to feel something in her heart again after Lotor, and that she’s seeing Lance as that person who can do this. She knows that Lance has feelings for her, but I don’t think Lance has realized that Allura really isn’t the person he should be with. I think he’s scared to accept that. And then to have her being the way she is might be making him think she really is. I think the next season will let us have more insight into this.

I think Klance still has a really good chance of being a thing. It may not seem like it, but there was a lot of character growth between Keith and Lance. Keith trusts Lance enough to not only have his back during missions, but to lead the team while he went off to do something else, like helping Axca. There was clear concern on Lance’s face when he left, but he trusted Keith, and Keith trusted him.

We were told that Lance would be someone’s first choice, and he was. Remember the game show episode? Keith immediately wrote down Lance. Despite what he said, we all know that’s not the only reason he chose to write down Lance. Lance was Keith’s first choice to lead the team to the lions. He could’ve asked Shiro or Allura or even Krolia. But he chose Lance without a second thought. He called out for Lance first when they were stuck on Sendak’s ship. Lance was, and is, Keith’s first choice.

We may not have gotten Klance like we wanted, but we were far from Queer Baited like everyone seems to think. The show isn’t over. We’ve had two (2) canon queer couples in the show, and there may be more in the next season. Our Rep may not have been shown the way we wanted, but I really don’t think we were Queer Baited. We have another season. We’ll see what we get in terms of Rep.

So, parting thoughts: I actually really enjoyed this season. There was so much action, so many emotional scenes, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It had me holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat during a lot of scenes. It had a lot of scenes to help us with the sadness and seriousness. This season was a season showing us what war is like, and I think the crew did a phenomenal job at this. I’m very excited to see what the next season will give us.

[goldenscript]

bffs to lovers!kino

literally the sweetest sunshine of a best friend that you could ever ask for

kang hyunggu, a dancing and music prodigy who can sing, dance, and rap,,, like who knew? well, ofc you did

you’ve known him long before he was accepted into his music academy and hit it off really well all over the place

he’s not signed or anything yet but he should be - actually, he wants to get his degree first before he focuses on all that stuff so on top of music he’s being extra studious

anyway hyunggu and you have been bff’s since you two were kids, you two were inseparable after being seated together and since then it’s just been you and him as two peas in a pod

as you two grew older,,, like into 5th grade and onward, you noticed his affiliation for music and how much he adored being able to sing and play instruments

the way he lit up at the sound of music was more than enough of a telltale sign that he was meant to play and perform

you just knew,, and you’re certain a part of him knew too

he just needed a push from someone

his parents couldn’t really give him the money to play piano or anything, so they weren’t an option

however, the music teachers at your school helped him raise funds because they saw so much potential in him like you and even though he said it wasn’t a big deal if he couldn’t get lessons, you knew it was

he did a bunch of yard work, house work, lots of side jobs that could help him fund that dream of his and he saved up A Lot

sometimes when he wasn’t looking you’d put in a few bucks of your own allowance to his little lessons fund too

instead of giving it to him directly because the last time you did he got really upset, you would give it to the teachers and made them promise not to say a word about it

so you continued to encourage him to keep pursuing his music despite how shy he was with any of it,,, like talent shows? nope. showcases? Heck no

your middle school music teacher begged you to convince him because to no avail the poor shy boy just couldn’t find the gets to get on that stage with other people watching him

you knew how much he wanted to perform and share music he had trapped in that little notebook of his and you just,,,

you made it a goal of yours to convince him

you wanted to give him that strength to do it not only by talking to him about all his anxieties so he’d feel lighter but also by showing up to every single practice

you would always stay up with him to listen to his latest piece and you even showed up to his first performance with a rose because you couldn’t afford a bouquet but he loved it

he really began to love music and performing and the idea of making it a career really dawned on him when he was contacted by a scout for a big arts academy

next to your support, he decided to take a music career path more seriously just to show his parents that instead of running a grocery store with them that he wanted to make music and write lyrics and sing and all that good stuff

they were pretty skeptical because practicality and tbh they actually hadn’t seen him perform

he was also so shy to mention it to them because it was always about the store with them so you told them about it and it was a later performance that would really seal his fate in the music world

he performs this song about growth and doing better things and it’s just so beautiful with his voice and the melody and he hit this gorgeous high note,,,, like he automatically got that scholarship

you and his parents were so proud,,, y’all even cheered the loudest and as embarrassed as eighth grader hyunggu was, he was so elated that you three were there

in the end, they decided to support him and his decision to accept the scholarship to the arts academy in the city and it dawns on the two of you what this meant

school of performing arts in seoul  (SOPA for short) meant bigger and way better things for him and you didn’t want that to be wasted just because he would be leaving

despite how visibly torn he was at first, you definitely talked him into going because you absolutely refused to be the reason why he didn’t follow his dream

so in those for years you exchanged a few words and saw each other in the beginning

sometimes you visited or he visited but a lot of the time you had to go there during his free time which began to get sparser and sparser as the school drew on

and eventually he just grew busier and busier to the point where visits didn’t happen anymore

you’d get a few texts every now and then - eventually those stopped too

at first, it hurt a lot to know that he couldn’t respond but you also understood that the workload there is vastly different from your average high school and if he wanted to keep a spot there then he needed to put 110% in

plus, over the years, his stuff was taking off - from performances to demos to even melodies because his producing was just as good as his singing and dancing which you actually had no clue about

at least until your old music teacher saw you volunteering at the middle school and watched some videos at you and you were just,,, in awe because he really became something amazing like you knew he would

you didn’t have any hard feelings over all - his parents often gave you updates about him since he did his best to send them some updates every now and then and it made you happy

you even enjoyed his music, often sending him a few encouraging messages even if they weren’t answered since he just needed to know you loved it too

your graduations fly by but by then the two of you have gotten new phones and numbers so you just hope he’s doing well

his mom tells you he is before you leave for uni and she even drops a few hints that he’s asked about you too so it makes you happy that he’s still thinking of you

she reacts a little funny when you tell her you’re going to seoul university but you brush it off since you were absolutely certain that hyunggu would wind up getting signed after high school but guess what??

you both wind up at the same university!!!!

you actually had no clue all that fall and winter quarter, only sparsely hearing about how knnovation was at the school but it slips your mind that this is kino aka your childhood friend hyunggu

until,,,,,

you’re both in music theory that spring!!!

he kinda ok really sucks LOL

it’s almost appalling how badly he’s doing in the class since he’s such a superstar in the underground music world but when you see him with his tufts of dark hair and the tip of his tongue at the corner of his mouth,,, you swear he looks familiar

you don’t really find out until a few weeks into the class that it’s him until the professors asks to see you and him after class

at that point where you finally get a good look at him and he gets a good look at you, you both recognize each other immediately

and you’re both like !!! “omg it’s you!!!”

the professor just laughs at you two and says “well it’s good thing you know each other!!” and he turns to you like “can you pls tutor him??”

hyunggu’s pretty sheepish about saying his grade but he looks at you pleadingly since you’re actually the top student in the class and you’re like “yeah ofc!!!”

so you both get reacquainted and shyly exchange info for studying

tbh this winds up being excuses to wander the city together and you attempting to explain certain concepts to him

he sorta gets it but he gets really distracted bc holy fuck you’re so cute and so sweet and he feels like crap for hardly messaging you back but you actually have no hard feelings and it makes him feel worse so you’re like !!! “ace the next quiz and i’ll forgive you”

and he gets really cutely determined and feels his heart singing like it did before he left you and in truth he kinda stopped responding to you bc he always got these weird fuzzies in his tummy and you consumed his mind a lot,,, it was really distracting

it wasn’t until he was older that he realized he really liked you and seeing you again reignited those feelings!!!!!!!

he invites u to his dance competitions and singing recitals and you go to like every single one with roses even tho he tells u not to but you’re like u never invited me to the ones in high school so i need to make up for lost time

and hearing that, makes him feel even more !!!!!!!!!

and anyway he winds up acing his exams with your help and his own determination to impress u

and in all that time of studying and getting reacquainted, you two have gotten so close, knowing each other’s lives like you were never separated,,, and he sees just amazing you are and how much it makes him never want to see you go

it also shows him just how much you’ve affected him because he’s reminded of those nights in high school where all he could about was you and how much he wanted to text you back and all that but he was scared

he heard horror stories about best friends falling out because one of them fell for the other and how drastically different things were

like even worse because it becomes painfully awkward and imagining a life like that with you?? hurt,,, a lot,,, so he just stayed away

he hoped the feelings would go away

and for a while they did but it was never enough for him to forget you or remember your phone number even when he’d get a new phone

each performance, he’d remember you there with a single rose and it’d always make him work harder

it was sort of his thank you to you for encouraging him and giving him strength to perform

one night you two are just hanging out watching some movies and you look over at him with this gorgeous twinkle in your eye and say, “i’m really glad that you’re in my life again, hyunggu”

and instead of responding, he kinda just leans in to kiss you but he’s about to pull back since ??? ‘@ me wyd!!!!’ 

but

tHEN

you kiss him

it’s really brief and quick but your lips are tingling and so are his

and when you pull away to say, “i’m really really really glad - god i’ve been dying to do that!” he gets so flustered and happy and he admits that he has too

of course, he’s a lil embarrassed that you did it first but he’s like “how abt a date then?”

you break out in a beautiful smile and agree before you cuddle in his arms and continue watching movies

just to really encapsulate your relationship with hyunggu, i just wanna say you two balance each other

he’s prone to overthinking and wondering if what he’s doing is ever good enough but you are always there to encourage and lend him some strength because you believe in him more than anyone in this entire world

and for you, you’re prone to overworking yourself because you want to have a good future and sometimes you tend to take on more than you can handle or you always strive for the best grade and sometimes you get so burnt out but then hyunggu’s there

he’s a sweet soul and he’ll always tell you to take it easy, sometimes taking you away from your desk just to have a break because those dark circles and your growling stomach are all telltale signs that You Need To Rest

he’ll even sing you a lullaby when you want to sleep but can’t and he can’t help but break out into a beautiful grin because you recognize it as a song he sang to you when you were in middle school

and he admits he wrote it for you

because next to giving him strength, you really motivated him to do better,,, you always have

him going to college wasn’t just something his parents suggested, but it was something that he knew even you would talk him into because of your value of education and working for something

he admits that you showed a lot and taught him a lot and it puts you in awe because even though he was really busy with his music,,, you were still on his mind

and honestly it makes you feel even more love for him because he’s truly a loving soul who only wants the best for people he cares about

it’s the night after finals when you’re exhausted and way too lazy to go anywhere but your dorm

he comes over and asks how they went and he laughs when you groan but open your arms up for his usual cuddles and as you both lay there, staring up at the ceiling for nothing in particular,,, you tell him,,,

“i love you”

it takes him by surprise because he’s thought of telling you and thought of the idea of loving you and it really struck him when it hits him that he really wouldn’t be where he was without you 

he tells you that and as you’re at a loss of words, he presses his lips to your forehead and hums that song of yours and says “i love you too”

[valeriemperez]

hey can you gif the spartancanary scene at the end of 6x02 when she's training in the bunker and then diggle comes to talk to her? I kind of really want to see her working out but I also would like to see their conversation so like if you think this would work better as two gifsets feel free to do that. I only ask because you made one gifset for them already and I figured you like their dynamic? but only if you want to ofc. if you don't just let me know and I'll ask someone else :)

Sorry this is 300 years late! I enjoy their dynamic very much, though I’m still not sure what to make of it lol.

Any trends planned for episode 4 and 5

One is in the works for 4.05, we just need the specific name for the trend. Iris GNO? Girls Night Out? Bachelorette Iris? Please send ideas!

Since Cecile will be at the bachelorette party there's a good chance the tension is about CS. In the interview CP made it sound like it didn't have anything to do with Joe or Cecile being part of the family. My biggest fear is that this "baby" might be used to convince Joe to leave team flash because of the potential dangers.

Glad you see the reasoning in the tension! As for Joe leaving Team Flash... He’s still a cop and therefore in danger, unless he retires. I expect they’ll want to keep JLM on the show and keep him onscreen as much as possible. Or I hope anyway...

Hmmm, so two things. First, OF getting a wedding reception doesn't discourage me - it only makes me think we'll probably get some personal WA wedding stuff on our show, too. And I'm 100% here for that. Second, what do you think are the chances that Cecile & Joe's baby will meet a similar fate as Martha and Jonathan's from S2 of Smallville? I think that would be really sad, but it wouldn't surprise me. I just wonder how this baby will fit into their lives.

That would be so sad if Cecile lost the baby, but yes, it is a possible avenue to take. I don’t think a baby would interrupt the flow much, though, because Joe isn’t the main character and Cecile is a guest star. She can just be offscreen taking care of it. If she loses the baby due to something Thinker-related, that would certainly bring down the mood and remind certain people of the cost of bringing Barry back.

And btw I totally agree about personal WA stuff on our show.

I know it's still fairly early on in the season, but I was just curious, do you have any theories about what The Thinker's master plan might be and/or why he might want Barry? I think that, for once, the big bad doesn't actually want to kill Barry, but rather he wants to use Barry for something. But I don't know what that might be, or how these other metas factor in. Any ideas?

Very good question. It’s hard for me to gauge, but we do know that he wants to somehow “improve” the human race. Maybe he wants to use Barry to give everyone powers? Not sure, I feel like it’s gotta be more than that.  

Can y’all stop asking Tati about the Keiynan stuff. She doesn’t work on the show and has no idea what’s going on bts 🙄 Perhaps @ Keiynan or TPTB on twitter if you want real answers.

LOL, I appreciate that. And I agree, we need to ask the people in power for an answer. And do try TVLine and EW, because they might get a quote.

[lindners]

with great excitement and not so much honor i introduce you my newest character n o r a   l i n d n e r — history geek & puts up walls around her high enough that even genghis khan cannot fight. okay but serious business — hello there ! my name’s dallas ( i play adala + alvaro ) & i am eighteen, and am from the netherlands. i love dogs, i love football, i love watermelon and i love any roleplay shenanigans. send me pictures of your pets ?1!? if you’d like to plot, talk, send me pictures of your pets, you could either like this post or message me at any time. it’s free, it’s a good offer js.

so, after long preperation of making gifs for her and finding the perfect fc over the span of like three days, i am finally ready to introduce nora to y’all. her name is nora alexandra lindner, she’s nineteen and a freshman at bernard studying history and philosophy.

she’s originally from washington, one of the smaller towns near seattle. she grew up within a high class society, with both of her parents coming from old money and having connected in a marriage that only secured their position is this layer of society. she used to go to private schools in both primary and secondary school, living in this determined societal bubble. ever since she was young, she grew up in this quite big, old mansion that was originally her grandparents’ place. ever since she was only three or four years old, she would explore the endless rooms, the attic, the hidden doors all throughout the house. perhaps in a quest to fight her curiosity. the place also had a gigantic library with bunches of old books and ever since the moment she could read it was where she spent most of her time, reading as she sat in the windowsill.

her mother passed away when she was five years old, an event that had a major impact on her life although she claims to never have once shed a tear. she dealt with the loss in her own way, which was mostly to reminisce her fondest memories and perhaps honor her mother more than grief her. even around her family, it wasn’t considered proper to show your emotion in excessive ways as crying or screaming. she dealt with it internally more than anything.

ever since then it was nora, together with her older sibling and her father, together in this big estate, however the family always had the tendency of being fairly mysterious, quiet, secretive. the loss of her mother merely increased this feeling, making the family feel more broken up despite their unconditional love for each other — there just had been a sense of distance between nora and her father especially. her older sibling was hard to connect with when she was younger, due to the gigantic age difference between the both of them. the true distance was formed however, by the closer bond that her sibling and father seemed to have. for some reason there were all these suspicious meeting in the living room late at night that she would notice when she sat on the stairs because she couldn’t sleep, and for some reason it never connected in her mind why it was going on, until ... drum rolls, her secret got revealed to her.

her dad especially always carried this air of mystery around him. being a college professor in english, he was very career oriented in the first place, however the doors to his office were closed far too often to be casual. he used to have these meetings with his friends, fairly late at night behind closed doors and the mere things that nora would notice as she tried to listened to the muffled sounds behind the door, would be the smoke of the cigars and their hushed voices. it always had some kind of dark feeling in nora’s mind, never knowing about what took place behind those doors. her dad and his friends were this group a la dead poets society,  with their similar interests. they grew up together, her dad being one of those people spreading self proclaimed revolutionary poetry in banksy style by writing it on the walls in the bathroom stalls or leaving messages in everyone’s lockers. it was something they got into trouble for back in the day, but perhaps this part of her dad is mirrored within nora herself, seeing how she likes to think about big questions left unanswered. perhaps not with the same skepticism or revolutionary thought as her dad, but with a hint of curiosity and interest. but in the end, nora was always obsessed with the idea of what was going on.

nora herself could be perfectly described as an old soul in a young body. ever since the moment she could think straight for herself, she started to think and she never stopped thinking. she asked endless questions, even if they don’t require an answer just because she likes the philosophical thought. the meaning of life was probably a concept she understood by the age of four, i would not be surprised.

notorious for her calm interior and exterior. in some ways, nora carries this calm atmosphere with her, some kind of relaxing way of living life to the fullest. even besides her intense trains of thoughts. she is the kind of person who lives by don’t worry, be happy and whose main goal in life is to pursue her dreams and seek fulfillment. not to be successful, to outdo her parents, to become a doctor or whatever else.

this calm of hers might also come from the weed though. she’s a stoner, often to be found late at night on a park bench face up looking up at the night sky as she wonders about the future of the world. she simply enjoys the rush it gives her, the boost it gives her thinking and the way it makes her feel slightly alive.

a gigantic history geek — from when she was incredibly young it was mostly informative history books that she found in her grandparents’ library, and it is exactly where she found her passion for the subject. she is interested in puzzling together the theories, the what ifs, trying to predict the future by looking back at what happened years ago. probably makes too many history jokes, spams you with history memes.

she is a talkative person, who knows how to keep a conversation going. but despite her talking a lot, she never truly says anything. it all comes down to the same — they speak about anything, but not themselves. she’s fairly closed off, building her walls high not for a particular reason but because she tends to like breathing this air of mystery. keeping people guessing about what will be coming next, she gets off on the thought of being an enigma.

she is known to be considered apathetic, however. she deals with emotion but in a way that is far less intense than any normal person would. it nearly looks like it doesn’t phase her, like it does not do her anything. but dealing with both excitement and pain with a kind of restraint was always how she was raised, and still how she expresses herself. because she doesn’t. her lack of expressive emotions nearly makes her feel scary. perhaps because the line between right and wrong is more blurry in her eyes, or because she is able to look at these happenings from a bit of a distance, and it only causes them to be able to experience it less intensely.

her aesthetic i see as this schoolgirl like vibe, with her plaid skirts, the sweaters, stockings and black boots. carrying around a backpack at all times. smoke between her fingers, books pressed between her arm and her chest. breakfast for dinner. soft rock and alternative music. has this truly soft and pretty singing voice that she rarely lets anyone hear. looks incredibly put together, but is a mess. does not know what she wants to do with her life. shrugs a lot.

I DONT HAVE A CONNECTIONS PAGE UP ! because i’m absolute trash. but what i would love to see is a childhood friend, perhaps something like a roommate, enemies, study buddies or someone she tutors, someone who has a bad ( making her more wild or reckless ) or very good ( letting her open up ) influence on her & someone she has a good and calming influence on, or who she drags into her addiction. confidants, because she’s a good listener even though she barely talks about herself. former flings, perhaps a former friends with benefits on bad terms. current flings even.