#y’all I’m going to be real honest and say that I’m not happy with these pictures but I must pretend because this is my exposure therapy

[peasantflour]

Cowboy MK

(Poem by me, story based on S1:09)

I see your discontentment

Forced into shoes too large to fill.

I offer a different path

One to reveal your true strengths

without restrictions, hesitations, or fear

Stifle your conscience

Don’t let him stand in your way

Take the shot

And see where my guidance has led you

.

.

.

This is a continuation of my original Cowboy Wukong and Macaque poem. I’m a little less proud of this one. The art is stilted and disproportionate in some areas, but we’ll pretend it was all a stylistic choice! I think it’s pretty neat overall.

[xndrexcruz]

Unexpected Love (smau)

✮- pairing: joão félix x fem!reader

✮- faceclaim: madison beer

✮- summary: when an unexpected turn of events causes a beloved pop star and a rising fútbol star to unexpectedly fall in love and share their story through social media

✮- warnings: none

✮- author’s note: this is pure fiction, also this is my first time doing anything like this so if you have any tips or feedback that would be great. also jude bellingham and reader have a pure platonic friendship.

@username1

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by 691,652 others

username1 are we gonna talk about what my man just said a few minutes ago..

view all 88,793 comments

username2 UHMM… when was this?!? (not that im mad about this at all 🌚)

username3 SAY WHATTTT

username4 wait why do i kinda ship…

username5 he’s upgrading 😌✊

username6 MY WIFE AND HUSBAND!?!!?

@yourusername

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by sabrinacarpenter, itsnicolewallace, judebellingham, and 1,920,077 others

yourusername finishing my newest album can be expected to drop later this week 🤍🎶

view all 72,583 comments

sabrinacarpenter can’t wait to listen ☺️

yourusername liked this comment

username7 can we be expecting any feature by anyone 🌚

username8 i wish i wanna see her feature with someone again!!

username9 i’ve been counting down the days since your last album im so excited!

judebellingham can you even play the guitar? 🤨

yourusername yes now why are you hating 😒

judebellingham IM JUST ASKING

@yourusername

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by joaofelix79, judebellingham, milliebobbybrown, and 2,973,328

yourusername ackk i can’t believe it after 2 motnths of working my ass off y’all can finally go stream UNEXPECTED ENCHANTMENT 😌 anddd not only that but i’ll be having a tour in europe/the uk for it as well, so go buy tickets if interested i’d love to see all of you there! 🤗 i’m so happy that i was able to pull this off in the spam of 2 months thanks to not just my production team but a certain someone who might or might not be my muse thank you 😉 but HOPE YALL LOVE UNEXPECTED ENCHANTMENT!!! 🫶🏼

view all 962,895 comments

judebellingham so did your “muse” send all those flowers 👀

yourusername wouldn’t you like to know

username10 not jude being a chismoso

username11 he’s so real for that

username12 i love their relationship

theweekend congrats on your album

yourusername liked this comment

username13 okay joão i see you liking her post 🌚

username14 our man is finally making a move 🙈

username15 can’t he just like her post?

username13 i’m just saying he might be liking it since he likes her

username16 ARE WE NOT GONNA ADDRESS SHE PRACTICALLY SAID SHE HAS A BF BY CALLING HIM HER MUSE AND THE WINKY FACE?!?!

username17 NO CAUSE LITERALLY WHAT ARE THE THEORIES GUYSS

@joaofelix79 just posted a story!

seen by 8,459,035

@joaofelix79

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by yourusername, pablogavi, redbullracing and 1,156,833 others

joaofelix79 thank you for the amazing experience, i had a lot of fun! 🏎️

tagged @f1 and @redbullpor

view all 378,563 comments

username18 YOURE SO FINE JOÃO 🤭

username19 OMGGG DONT PANICK BUT Y/N LIKED

username20 AHHH SCREAMING AND CRYING

username21 uhmm wasn’t y/n supposed to be at this event too ?? 👀

username22 are we not gonna talk about who took these pictures 🧐

username23 probably his manager or a photographer?

@yourusername

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by scuderiaferrari, joaofelix79, redbullracing, and 1,847,384 others

yourusername fast cars and even faster melodies! had a blast at the event! 🏎️🎶

tagged @redbullracing

view all 153,472 comments

username24 spotted at the same event…. is it official yet? ❤️

username25 woww you and joão are both here! coincidence? i think not! 😉

username26 it was not a coincidence let’s be honest 😏

redbullracing we were happy to have you! come again soon

yourusername dw you’ll see me again!

@yourusername just posted a story!

seen by 7,749,264

judebellingham has replied to your story

is it who i presume it is ⁉️

yourusername

who knows maybe.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

judebellingham

girl you know damn well 😒

fraternizing with the enemy is a big no no

yourusername

womp womp

go cry about it ☺️

judebellingham

i see where ur loyalty stands now 😔

@foxsoccerspn

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by 472,859 others

foxsoccerspn joão félix’s pointing gesture says it all. a win dedicated to someone special in the crowd! 🌹

tagged @joaofelix79

view all 328,561 comments

username27 pointing to his lucky charm? 🫣

username28 idk what else y’all need as proof to him and y/n dating SHE WAS LITERALLY AT THE GAME

username29 i really hope they are cause i shipppp!!

username30 this celebration means everything 🥰

username31 he’s so sweet i need a joão to my y/n like by yesterday

@yourusername just posted a story!

seen by 9,475,946

@barcelonasportsnews

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by hugofelix18 and 368,946 others

barcelonasportsnews caught by surprise! joão félix and y/n l/n, from stages and fields to barcelona’s streets! 🌇❤️

tagged @joaofelix79 and @yourusername

view all 274,921 comments

username32 I CALLED IT FROM THE START AND YALL ALL SAID I WAS DELUSIONAL

username33 awww they’re so cute wth 🥺

username34 HELLO ?? ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT HUGO LIKING THE POST

username35 NO CAUSE I HAD TO DOUBLE CHECK TOO 😭

username36 the new it couple 😍

username37 i’m just so happy he’s moved on from magui

username38 as he should she’s a bop 😝

@yourusername

❤️ 💬 ↗️

liked by joaofelix79, lamineyamal, judebellingham, and 4,643,275 others

yourusername he’s got a way of turning every doubt into gold, with him by my side, there’s a story yet untold 💗

tagged @joaofelix79

view all 2,975,832 comments

joaofelix79 minha linda namorada 💗 (my pretty girlfriend 💗)

yourusername o meu lindo namorado 💗 (my pretty boyfriend 💗)

username39 AHH ITS FINALLY OFFICIAL

username40 i knew her album was about him 🤭🤭

lamineyamal mis padres ✌🏽(my parents ✌🏽)

yourusername mi niño (my boy)

joaofelix79 creí que yo era tu chico 😒 (i thought i was your boy 😒)

yourusername mmm los dos? (😁 mmm both of y’all? 😁)

useranme41 he’s living proof you can get with your celebrity crush!

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

Corinne: "I’m screaming alongside the rest of y’all! It’s happening!!!!" [source]

Nathan: "Thrilled to share our latest trailer! Very proud of all these animators." [source]

Trick: "There we go." [source] / "I hear there's something at this [trailer] link now." [source]

Blair: "LIVE NOW! October 31st 💜🐉🐺" [source]

Brianne: "It's almost here... So close..." [source]

Corinne: "I’ve held the dagger in my hands, and well, needless to say I can’t wait until my own personal copy arrives. I’m definitely not going to be unhinged. 🤷‍♀️" [source]

Bryce: "if I may workpost for a sec, I'm forever grateful for days like today when I get to gush about dragon age with the fans. this community is so welcoming and my heart is so full today 💜" [source]

User: "Of the new companions, who do you think would have the best chance of beating you at pinball?" / Corinne: "Bellara, definitely. As an Elven tinkerer with a curious mind and playful spirit, I think she’d be so into it" [source]

Brianne: "So excited to share more of what we've worked on!" [source]

Corinne: "Some of the best moments I have is reading through the team’s experience, highlights, and feedback for the game. You’re right - we do love it! It’s a wonderfully talented group of folks I get the pleasure to work alongside." [source]

User: "MORRIGAN!!!!" / Corinne: "Keeping this secret has been KILLING me 😊" [source]. User: "I can't wait to find out all the other secrets that you've got in store for us." / Corinne: "Oh just you wait 😉" [source]

User: "HER CROWN I SEE THAT CROWN." [re: Morrigan] / Corinne: "👀" [source]

User: "CORINNE! It looks so good!! I can't wait to play it!" / Corinne: "Thank you so so much! The team did such a fantastic job. It’s been a labor of love for so many of us 💜" [source]

Corinne: "Can’t wait to hear about your adventures and the decisions you’ll make.I immediately preordered another copy of Rook’s Coffer even though we on the dev team get one 😅" [source]

Corinne: "I’m in awe of what this team has created 💜" [source]

Corinne: "We’re all so proud of this game and I mean it when I say we’re are just as excited to get it into your hands and hear about your adventures as your are to play it.This team is truly a wonderful group of creative people. 💜" [source]

Corinne: "The team has put so much of themselves into this return to Thedas, and believe me when I say that it means so much to all of us to see and hear about your excitement 💜" [source]

Corinne: "I’ll be honest, it still doesn’t feel real to me either that we are so close now. We all hope you’ll love this return to Thedas 😊" [source]

Corinne: "I hope you’ll share a pic of the Rook you settle on when you emerge from Character Creator. If you’re anything like me you’ll spend a loooot of time lost in the options 😉" [source]

Corinne: "Rogue is so so good. The Veil Ranger specialization is absolutely one of my favorites" [source]

Brianne: "I'm excited to see everyone's Rooks! I really like the ones I've made." [source]

Corinne: "Happy to say this time around we’ll be able to support those flowing locks in-game" [source]

The Codex is "vast" [source]

User: "question, of our 7 companions, which is most likely to be up early and watch the sunrise , which is most likely one to sleep till noon?" / Corinne: "When you see Davrin’s room, you’d certainly assume he’d be up watching the sunrise with that view. If only it weren’t in the fade 😅" [source]

User: "For purely scientific and artistic purposes....is Emmrich taller than a female elf or roughly the same height?" / Corinne: "Well… usually taller, but y’all can control your characters height now so 🤷‍♀️😅" [source]

Malcolm: "To all the people excited about the return of Her.... same, fam, same. And by Her I mean Morrigan. Just... just in case that wasn't clear." [source, two]

Malcolm: "The level art team for DA:Ve are incredible. The environments they've built are gobsmacking. I adore what they did for the Necropolis in particular." [source]

Malcolm: "And Rivain is just... 👀 Seeing this one go from early greybox to full art was such a delight" [source]

Malcolm: [image of bby Manfred] "That's my boy!" [source]

[textblock character limit break!]

User: "*remembering all those dang statues in my origin story in DAO* ah shit that’s a lot of gods" / Brianne: "You'll be fine. You... May want back-up 😁" [source]

Brianne: "While on the topic of Dragon Age: The Veilguard... I just adore him. [image of Assan]" [source]. / John: "the team's official Assan photographer" [source] / Brianne: "When I said I'd capture one, two, several more shots..." [source]

Brianne: "There are some spooky places to explore" [source]

User: "I'm so excited :)))))) I hope I spotted the bun hairstyle of one of my favorite hammer wielding characters in the world <3" [re: image of character who is probably Evka Ivo] / Brianne: "Well, would you look at that :)" [source]

Mary: "[Assan] is the best character in the game. We all know this to be true." [source]

Blair: "everyone went nuts about baby griffon, but Manfred is my boy, my sweet cheese, etc. ride or die, Manfred 💀💜" [source]

John: "am I playing our game for fun on a Friday night, I certainly am. romancing my own companion to do one last check to make sure all the conditionals work. folks it is a very strange thing" [source, two]

Trick thinks the Spellblade spec is delightful :D [source]

User: "Is Solas speaking in the Hallelujah cadence at the beginning of the Release Date Trailer ? I'm trying to match it up but the best I can get is opposite stresses although the meter is 8/8/11" / Trick: "In DAI, only a relative few lines were in that cadence. He hauls it out for special occasions. :)" [source]

Original post: "I know that the AP Stylebook says the proper possessive form of Harris is Harris'. But the AP Stylebook also says not to use the Oxford comma. It's not a serious publication, let alone an authority on punctuation." Trick: "There was an actual voices-raised argument among the BioWare Writers and Editors over S-apostrophe vs S-apostrophe-S, along with threats made to writers who proposed character names ending in S in the future. Question time: Can anyone think of an antagonist in DA:I whose name ended in S? Corypheus's assassins' scimitars's's'' blades are coated with poison." [source, two] User: "I make everybody mad by switching between -s' and -s's depending on if the "s" represents a voiced or unvoiced consonant: Anders', but Fenris's." Trick: "I think that was very close to the consensus we landed on." [source]

Mass Effect

User: "fully accept that the answer may be "that was 8 million years ago I have no idea" but did you unilaterally decide to make Thane hallucinogenic when licked while writing ME2 dialog??" / Trick: "Yes. My intention was always that Mordin was trolling you there, but I don't think everyone took it that way. 🤣" [source]

[pedrithink]

opposites attract ✩ kylian mbappé

KYLIAN MBAPPÉ X READER

where there is golden retriever! kylian and his black cat girlfriend.

faceclaim: lily rose

Liked by ethanmbappe, ynusername, and 2,363 others

ynkyliannews Y/N was spotted in a cafe in Paris. She looks marvelous 🥰 @ynusername

View all 201 comments

mbappegirl look… i love y/n, but she should smile more.

⤷ psgfan yeah, this gives a bad image to kylian too…

ynfan1 she looks fantastic, omg!!!

mrsmbappe why is she always so serious? 😭

kyliangf she is beautiful, too bad that her way of being makes it seem that she is rude

ynfan2 love u gf

Liked by k.mbappe, neymarjr, and 217,728 others

ynusername le temps de l'amour

View all 1,263 comments

k.mbappe You look amazing 😍🤤🔥🔥

ynfan1 DAMN MAMA

mbappegirl GIRL WHY U NEVER SMILE

ynfan2 we love you!!!!!!

forkyky you all the time: 😐

ethanmbappe 🖤✨

Liked by ynusername and 1,273 others

ynkyliannews Y/N was spotted having dinner with a friend. @ynusername

View all 128 comments

mbappegirl she never smiles like that when she is with kylian 🫢

mrsmbappe nah, for real… kylian deserves a person who treats him better.

ynfan1 y/n and kylian have always had a private relationship, she doesn't need to be smiling to show that she makes him happy

psgfan c’mon…

forkyky 🤔

kyliangf kylian is not the problem in this relationship and we all know that…

Liked by ynusername, leomessi, and 3,584,026 others

k.mbappe De retour avec mes bébés maintenant.🇫🇷🥳

View all 11,237 comments

mbappegirl how can this BABY date that girl? 😭

mrsmbappe she doesn’t even comment on his posts, omg! 🫠

psgfan playing break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored

ynfan1 KYLIAN WE WANT A COUPLE PIC

⤷ forkyky we don’t want a pic, we want him to break up.

⤷ ynfan1 @forkyky shut up

tchaga_ ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Liked by k.mbappe, ynusername, and 4,268 others

ynkyliannews Kylian looks so cute in this photoshoot. 🥺

View all 347 comments

mbappegirl let’s protect him for his own girlfriend 😭

ynfan1 y’all always act like she’s forcing him to date her, leave her alone!!!!

forkyky he’s such a cute and kind person, can’t say the same about his gf

ynfan2 why do you hate y/n so much? everyone has different personality

mbappemine if kylian is with her it's because she makes him happy, so as fas we must respect and support him.

Liked by ynusername, k.mbappe, and 107.827 others

ynkyliannews Lately I've only been reading absurd comments about Y/N and I came to say that in these two years of relationship, they've always been VERY happy together. Kylian has always been honest about his feelings and i'm sure if she was mean to him they wouldn't be together. Y/N was with him through the worst and best moments of his life, always supporting him and making him smile. That's her way of being and it's not you who have to dictate how she should or shouldn't be.

View all 678 comments

mbappemine SPILL!!!!!!

ynfan1 THANK YOU!

ynfan2 thank you for talking about this because people talked like she treated kylian poorly

mbappeyours kylian shared this on his story 🫣

kyksbaby i hope she’s fine :( she looks so cute!!!!!

Liked by ethanmbappe, jkeey4, and 5,346,728 others

k.mbappe I heard about some comments going around about Y/N and I was disappointed to read some. This woman was by my side in my saddest moments and happiest moments, many times she is the starting point for all my peaks of uninterrupted happiness. We always had a private relationship, but I say here with all the certainty in the world that I am very happy next to this amazing, loving and generous woman. I honestly, truly, completely love her.

View all 16,726 comments

ynusername you know i'm not good with words, but the only thing that matters to me is that you know how much i love you and how important you are to me. i love you in ways i have never loved anyone else.

mbappemine so happy for you guys :(

kyksbaby your happiness is what matters to us

ynfan1 kylian killing his own “fans”, as he should.

mbappeyours we will always support both of you 💗

ethanmbappe dopest person everrrr 🔥 love you sis

jkeey4 she’s fire 🥳🔥

[newtkive]

pixels [ newt x reader - modern text au ]

ch. 2 - drama queen core

summary: minho's drama finally catches up with him, but newt becomes a hero.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

THE GLADE

[ 12:08 PM ]

y/n: gm pookies

newt: it’s the afternoon.

y/n: yeah well

ur east coast

newt: so are you y/n

y/n: FINE BAD MORNING THEN ARE U HAPPY?

minho: drama queen is awake

newt: you’re the drama queen min let’s be fr

minho: u want me to die be honest

newt: see .

tommy: hey guys :3 been waiting for you all

y/n: awwww tommy <3 gm

tommy: morning sweetums

minho: ew stop

newt: how did you sleep?

tommy: good! used my new heated pillow

newt: not you

minho: not you

tommy: wtf

WHO THEN?? THERES LIKE 7 OTHER PPL IN HERE

minho: he means y/n

and there’s 4 other people not including newt and y/n dumbass

y/n: oh

why just me????

newt: cuz you stayed up til 6 am

y/n: ..

how do you know that

newt: i saw you were active on discord

gally: doesn’t that mean you were awake too then

newt: ok and?

minho: thats crazy newt

newt: no it isn’t

i just casually saw it

y/n: hehe

im ok i need to sleep more. sims 4 was really consuming me

why were you awake??

newt: up for work

minho: you get on discord before work?

chronically online..

newt: can you choke and pass out and hit your head please

minho: THE WAY U WANT ME DEAD IS INSANE

y/n: he’s gotta check on his discord hoes before hitting the grind

newt: there are no discord hoes

unless you count thomas

and i don’t

tommy: well why not

newt: because you disgust me

tommy: love u too :3<3

minho: y’all about to kiss aren’t you

newt: never say that shit again im outside your door with a b*mb

minho: why censor it

just blow me up it’s my grandmas house anyway. u want to jump her that bad????

gally: blow that bitch up i say

y/n: HELLO???!,!!

gally: minho not grandma

she loves me cuz im so tall

minho: tall people always gotta remind you they’re tall 😒

like we get it bigfoot

gally: shut up tinkerbell

y/n: you’re somewhat tall minho

minho: any man under 6’0 is considered short

y/n: yeah but newt is 6 ft trapped in a 5’10 body so not totally true

newt: what does that even mean

minho: give me a break

i can tell you exactly what that means

she wanna hit

newt: stop

tommy: don’t get his hopes up

newt: dude

stfu

y/n: what newt said

gally: can we appreciate the only one actually over 6 ft here

minho: no.

tommy: im the same height as newt!!!!

y/n: yea but ur like 3 ft trapped in a 5’10 body tommy not the same

tommy: oh ..

minho: kind of real

newt: can someone kick gally i’m tired of seeing his fucking name on my phone

gally: then turn your phone off don’t you have old ladies to tend to at the library

newt: yeah and they all love me

y/n: so real

if i was old i’d go in there and imagine you’re my young boyfriend and cling to everything u say

tommy: true im the old ladies

y/n: LMAO

minho: write a fanfic y/n why don’t you

newt: yeah you both are old and not beating the dementia allegations

y/n: IM THE YOUNGEST HERE

ur just mad you’re old as dirt

tommy: youth has left you newt and it has turn you bitter in your old age.

minho: thomas knows big words who knew

newt: which word in that sentence was big??

y/n: shut up minho

minho: wtf did i do

y/n: idk but i imagine you sitting there typing on your little phone and i got pissed

minho: WHAT???!.‘wKWHFO

newt: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

yeah chubby little fingers hitting the wrong letters on his iphone 8

minho: im leaving

tommy: dont leave i forgive you for what you said

minho: i don’t give a damn

y’all mad y’all are all fake im the realest i’ve been prophesizing and reading scriptures 7000 years before y’all fake asses were born be so for real right now

y/n: not reading that

congrats

or sorry for what happened idk

about to drink my coffee in a wine glass

tommy: just drink wine

newt: it’s noon tommy??

tommy: ok and?

newt: explains a lot

minho: no coffee for me this new year only water and pussy juice fr fr

[ newt removed minho from the group ]

tommy: woah

y/n: woah..

newt: i can’t take it anymore

alby: How did you get that access..?

newt: don’t worry about it

in times of need i have to step in like that

y/n: hi alby!

alby: Hey y/n!

tommy: you’re such a hero newt

gally: that was deserved

who wants to play minecraft rn

y/n: me!!

alby: I’ll play, I’m off work today.

y/n: let’s go to the desert i want a camel

gally: alright but then the caves after i wanna mine

newt: if you mine with her you gotta bring extra food and storage when she dies so you can pick up the fallen items

gally: i forget you’re her designated babysitter

y/n: oh please no he isn’t

and i’ll bring my own food

newt: you always say that and then leave it in the stove oven

y/n: WELL I WONT THIS TIME

newt: sure ok

i’ll get on after work

[ alby added minho to the group ]

minho: when i get you.

newt: why did you add him back alby

alby: He was harassing me.

newt: be a man and take it

gally: im leaving

[ gally left the group ]

minho: im going to throw up and die

newt: im staying out of this

minho: (guy who caused it) im staying out of this

y/n: why does gally alwyas leave 😔

newt: why question a gift from the heavens

tommy: get online y/n gally is attacking my dirt house w a pickaxe :((((

y/n: NO IM COMING

minho: im coming to your work newt

newt: okay im locking the door early then

minho: i’ll smash through the glass idc

newt: i’m leaving my shift is over at 1 today.

minho: i’ll use life360 on you

newt: i deleted that app

minho: i’ll stand in the middle of the street

newt: ok let me position my car in front of you

just come to my apartment and we can play w them on pc and xbox

minho: …. fine but i hate your guts

newt: fine

y/n: HURRY GALLY IS ATTACKING MY SHED NOOOOWWW

newt: i’ll just rebuild it

minho: i’ll set it on fire just wait

[luvrrgirl444]

chapter 14: genius

IRL, INSTAGRAM!

“hi, y/n and i’m here today with genius to explain the lyrics of my song ‘kill bill’.” you smiled at the camera.

“so, fun fact about kill bill is that it actually only took about 6 hours to produce. i, uh-” you laughed. “i saw this thing online and it made me feel some type of way, and i was like ‘i need to release what i feel right now.’ so, i took out my songbook and went crazy. i called up my friend jean, my producer, and i was crying,” you laughed again, and made a phone gesture with your hand and brought it up to your ear. “and i was like, ‘bro i just wrote these lyrics, can we make a song right now?’ and we did, in like 6 hours.”

VERSE 1

i’m still a fan even though i was salty

hate to see you with some other broad, know you happy

hate to see you happy if i’m not the one driving

“the person that this song is about is actually also an artist, and he’s actually really talented. so basically, i was saying that even though i hate that nigga,” you stuck up your middle finger. “he’s still a great artist, unfortunately. the next two lines are literal, uh, about a month, maybe a month and a half after we broke up, he was posted up with another girl. which was honestly really shitty because he broke up with me to ‘focus on his music’” you quirked your eyebrow and used quotation marks. “basically this whole song is about me being a jealous heartbroken bitch.” you sarcastically smiled.

PRE-CHROUS

i’m so mature, i’m so mature

i’m so mature, got me a therapist to tell me there’s other men

i don’t want none, i just want you

if i can’t have you, no one should

i might

“i was tryna convince myself that i was strong, and that this wasn’t hurting me as much as i thought it was, but it definitely was. literally wrote a whole muthafucking song about it.” you laughed. “we we’re dating for a long ass time to be honest, so with the ‘i don’t want none, i just want you’ lyric, it’s basically saying that i’ve been with you for so fucking long, it’s always been you, how am i supposed to move on, y’know? it’s lowkey corny but yeah. the last lyric is very um, yandere simulator vibes but it relates to the theme of the song, which is like jealousy and vengeance and possession.” you put your hands up. “don’t worry y’all, i’m not a criminal.”

CHORUS

i might kill my ex, not the best idea

his new girlfriend's next, how'd i get here?

i might kill my ex, i still love him though

rather be in jail than alone

“i can explain y’all, i’m not a killer or a criminal but imma be real, i was definitely having some intrusive thoughts. but everyone does. like, anyone who says they’ve never had thoughts about hurting someone that did them dirty, or fucked with them, they’re fucking lying, 100%. and relating to what i said before, we were together for so long. no matter how much i try to deny, the love is still there. it’s been built up for years, as much as i want to, i can’t magically forget it overnight.”

you continued on with singing the lyrics and explaining them until you completely finished the entire song.

“kill bill was an impulsive creation and release. we recorded and finished the song in like 6 hours, and i was like ‘i want to release this today’” you pointed downwards. “but everyone told me no.” you rolled your eyes. “so i asked when was the soonest we could release it, and it was like in 2 days. so the next day i posted on instagram saying that i was releasing a song tomorrow and that was it. there was no promo for it, which is why i’m so fucking shocked that it did so well. but, thank you to my fans, friends and family, i love you all. stream kill bill, album coming soon, bye!” you blew a kiss to the camera, before smiling and making heart with your hands.

liked by erenjaeger, latto & 588,087 others

y/nsinterlude kill bill interview w @genius out neowwww!! go run it up 🫣🫣🤍

comments

erenjaeger whole lotta yip whole lotta yap

⤷ y/nsinterlude BITCH

⤷ historiarei IM CTFUUUUUUU

y/nsbby ALBUM COMING SOON? HOW SOON IS SOON GIRL??

⤷ y/nsinterlude im doing good wbu

valentinagomez TE AMO MI AMOR 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏾

⤷ y/nsinterlude TE AMO HERMOSA 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏾

user2000 i love u ur so real ❤️❤️

⤷ y/nsinterlude im the realest i love u too 🤍

conswife stop talking shit about connie omfg

shyshiloh i just died 😵😵

⤷ y/nsinterlude i’ll revive u bae 😘

user182 not u still in love with that sick man..

⤷ y/nsinterlude I DID NOT SAY THAT SHIT

aarlert second pic giving egg lowkey

⤷ y/nsinterlude bitch u did NOT js say that

jkirstein professional yapper

⤷ y/nsinterlude i’m beating your ass ho

user555 dont let c***** see that video..

view 86.7k others..

🦋 !

- this chapter is fr just a whole lotta yapping but 🫣🫣

taglist! <3 @lovelytayy @cyberkitty1 @sqlty @cr0quis @koreluvsspring @asp7n @lottiematthewsceo @shidousmainluvr @idontknowwhatnametochoosee @drugzforyou @astrokatsuki @crvzy-fujoshi @ncentic @ilyconnie @stellartoi @bubbabobabubbles @tee4str

[futurecorps3]

Hobie Brown partying with latina!reader<3

Masterlist<3

SUGGESTIVE!!! MDNI GO AWAY OR ILL BITE YOU

I’m already giggling about this shit and haven’t even started it 🤭 just picture that emoji cause that’s how i look rn. This is written from my perspective which is from a mexican living in Mexico going to 100% mexican perreos!!!

-It took a while to convince him to be honest

-Don’t take it the wrong way though!! He’s supportive and go ahead, perrea hasta el suelo but it’s just not his scene

-He’s not a reggaetón hater, he believes every type of music has a merit to it!! BUT ITS JUST NOT HIS SCENE

-Hacerle ojitos was enough to convince him lmao

-“Mi amor please! I want you to meet my friends” You whined, looking up at him all dressed up for the party that started in about thirty minutes. How could he say no when you were looking so pretty? “Shit ‘aight” He muttered, leaving to do his makeup as you kissed his cheek sweetly

-Now when y’all get there

-HE’S ASTONISHED TO SAY THE LEAST

-Yeah sure, mosh pits were crazy and the pubs he frequently attended were also wild but seeing

-People making out with a stranger then the next, some couple basically fucking in the couch next to the door, a girl downing shots like there was no tomorrow, besos de tres, and most importantly; el perreo.

-My man gets shy n shit like he holds your hand. pls help him no entiende nada

-Your friend approaches you with two plastic cups with some golden liquid that didn’t even reach the half of the cup. “Hey Hobie! Nice to meet ya’, my name’s Martha. Tengan, para ambientarse and getting the party started for you two!”

-Hobie thought it was dumb to drink so little of something, even more when he saw how effortlessly you downed your shot. “What’s this shit?”

-Tequila. It was Herradura. Now he knows why you pour so little for a single shot.

-HE WAS WHEEZING, SPILLING HIS GUTS OUT AND ABSOLUTELY BAFFLED BECAUSE HOW DID YOU DRINK THAT WITHOUT EVEN FLINCHING?????

-Your male friends definitely laughed a bit at that, pero en buena onda, they know how important Bee is to him so they’d never be mean to him hehe

-“Ay cabrón, Martha le dio tequila?” One of your friends say while laughing, his arm rounding your boyfriend’s tall figure “Sí, no soportó” You laugh back, kissing Hobie softly

-Your friends got to know him, silently questioning his intentions and stuff but not like they’re your parents. They mean well!! They just want their friend to be happy with this new dude, and some of them are men, so they definitely know how shit they can be

-“So this is what usually happens?” He asks, looking around as he takes it all in “Yup” you nod, popping the ‘p’ and smiling “I love it”.

-He found it all very freeing; no one judging, everyone moving as they pleased and drinking like hangovers weren’t real. No labels, no consistency. Just fun.

-Then… your friends pulled you to the circle to dance

-And he was done for.

-Seeing how you moved your hips in circles (something he was now sure was sort of a generic gift) changed his life forever

-You danced with your girlfriends, making a line of grinding and twerking from time to time. Some of their boyfriends reaching out to dance with them

-“Holy shit” Hobie muttered, entranced by how you ass moved in those shorts “Yeah, it’s something else” One of your friends who was now friends with Hobie (bonding over playing vodka beer pong) answered.

-“Try to dance with her man, I know you’re foreign and stuff but I don’t think Y/N/N would mind teaching you”

-His feet take him to you before he knows

-“Want me to teach you, love?” You shout so he can hear you over the music, and he just nods with a smile, holding your hands

-“Your work is just moving with me with your hands on my hips, look at Martha and her boyfriend”. He noticed how your best friend’s boyfriend kept a tight grasp on Martha’s hips, going down with her and up again if she did.

-Hobie replicated his moves and soon he got the hang of it

-Big, ring-clad fingers holding your waist tightly as he loosened his hips and felt your ass grinding against his crotch. You can feel how his tall figure looms over you, towering your smaller frame and you love it.

-As he gets more confident, he starts pulling you closer, kissing your neck from time to time and pulling away for a bit so you can scream some lyrics with your friends and then go back to him.

-It's safe to say he has a boner, yeah

-To you? It felt like an absolute dream! Imagine him grinding behind you to some track of Un Verano Sin Ti as he sings along to some of the chorus’s lyrics <3

-You got wasted, danced the night away, he perfected his spanish and you accomplished your dream; ver a Hobie Brown, el punk, perreando.

˚ · • . ° .

TAGS: @kirbyskisses @angeliquecherie @cowboycurtis56 @backyard-bear @lilacspider @gktyo @katsukiswrld @elusive-honeydew @solanawrld

I'm actively ignoring my full inbox to write this so it better not flop. HERMANAS lemme know if u like it and leave in the replies what else would you like to see from hobie with a latina reader

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

[maximumsass]

Green Eyes of Envy Pt. 6

Author’s Note: Hello my lovely readers!! For all the newbies that come across this Heyyyy!! I have been MIA for a long minute with this series but I got inspired again and boom I wrote for this first time in literally months! I have part 7 almost finished so be on the look out for that!But I’m back to feed your Melissa Schemmenti fanfic needs! And I hope y’all like it!! I feel pretty damn good about it and writing this made my little author heart very happy! Sending y’all all da love and hugs!

Warning: SMUTT, obviously a lot of fluffff!! And an argument which breaks my heart but couples fight gotta keep it real!

Synopsis: Thanksgiving is upon you and Mel and sadly you have made plans to go home for the holiday. Of course both you and Mel are upset about this. Emotions are running high, and someone lashes out! Will you and Melissa be able to makeup before you have to catch your flight home? And if y’all do makeup, will it include bedroom activities? Keep reading my lovely readers to find out!

Word Count: 2.5K+

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

——————————

It’s the week of Thanksgiving and you are going back to Michigan to see your family. This had been planned since August so before you and Jessica Rabbit got together. You didn’t know who was more sad about not being together for your first holiday as a couple.

You were taking a personal day on Wednesday to fly out early and be with your family as much as possible for the short trip home. Of course that meant the redhead couldn’t take you to the airport and see you off because it was the last day of school before break and this made her even more upset. You actually had your first fight about it.

“I’ll take a personal day too and then I can take you to the airport.” Mel said over dinner.

You stopped eating and put down your utensils. “Honey, you know the district is having a sub shortage. And think of your kids, they all will want to say bye to you on the last day.” You say hoping that logic will have her drop the topic.

“But I need to take you to the airport and do the sappy cry fest goodbye before you go through security.” She says looking at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“Mel, I don’t need you to do anything for me. Would it be nice if you could yes, but it’s not a good option so it’s fine I’m a big girl and I can get an Uber.” You say to her and as soon as it’s out of your mouth you wish you could take it back.

She looks at you with disbelief. “Why is it so bad to need me (Y/N)? Do you know how terrifying it is for me to admit to myself let alone to you that I need you. I could’ve easily denied that I need you but I’d be lying to myself just like you’re lying to yourself!” She exclaims and then the tears start flowing down her cheeks.

And then you realize that you’re the asshole in this situation.

You get up and walk towards her slowly to gage where she’s at. Fuck it, you need to hold her and apologize and do whatever it takes to make sure she’s okay.

“Baby I am so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I promise. My mouth and my defense mechanisms got the best of me. If I’m being honest I’m more upset about not being together over break than I’m letting on and I’m just trying to be fine about the whole thing. I know shoving difficult shit down always leads to hurting myself or someone I love. I think I was just trying to protect you from seeing how upset I actually am because I knew it’d make you feel more upset. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that and I sincerely apologize. In the future I’ll just tell you how I’m really feeling so it doesn’t build up.” You say looking at her, you holding her hand, your thumb stroking the top of her hand. You stand up and grab a couple tissues and hand them to her.

She wipes her eyes and then gently pulls you onto her lap.

“I forgive you angel, I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. You never have to hide from me. I want to see every part of you. Especially when you’re really upset because I know I won’t be able to fix it most times but I know with certainty that I will love you through it and sit by your side and listen and hold you through it. You just gotta let me in so I can do that. I promise I’m not going anywhere, you’re forever stuck with me. You just have to trust me.” The redhead says softly.

You feel a couple tears slide down your cheeks. You wipe them away and then lean your forehead against hers. “Thank you for forgiving me. I just want to tell you that I do need you. I’m not saying it just to say it I really truly mean it. I need all of you and like you said, it’s really scary admitting that. There’s this part of me that if I say I need you that somehow you’ll end up thinking that I’m incapable, which I know sounds ridiculous. But when one of the top assumptions about me is that I am incapable to do most things because of my disabilities, it’s something that’s always in the back of my mind.” You explain as you play with her hair.

“Oh honey. I didn’t even think about that. That makes so much sense. I know I keep saying this to you but I’ll say it again you (Y/N) (Y/L/N) are my superwoman, you’re the most stubborn, independent, get shit done woman I know, and I know that you can do and get anything you want to…well maybe not cooking.” She chuckles and kisses your head. “But when you let me take care of you, when you let yourself need me it makes me feel so special because you’re so selective about who you let in. Whenever you’re having those thoughts you just need to tell me. And then I’ll remind you how amazing I think you are, how I know you can do whatever it is that I’m doing for you and that it’s okay to let your amazing woman take care of you and need me in that moment. Besides I will always be the needier one out of the two of us, cause you’re just irresistible.” She says smiling at you.

You lean in and give her a long slow desire filled kiss. When you break away she has a big smirk on her face. “We’ve had a lot of sex but we still haven’t had makeup sex yet. Do you think you are up for checking that off our firsts list tonight?” She purs into your ear.

You mirror her smirk. “I think I’m up for our first makeup session.”

“But this is a rare occasion kind of thing miss. Fighting is not who we are. We just need to remember to talk to each other about the hard shit. You’re my safe place and I’m yours, whatever we’re facing we do it together.” She says and you nod in agreement.

Before you know what’s happening she’s takes you in her arms and she stands up and carries you to the bedroom. She lays you on the bed and then she starts undressing you, when she’s done with you she starts undressing herself but slowly to tease you, it’s working and just spikes your desire for her.

You prop yourself up on your arms so you can get a better look at the strip tease she’s doing for you. She finishes by taking off her black lace panties that she knows drive you wild. And then before you know what’s happening she’s on top of you and is kissing you with such desire. Her tongue licks your lips for permission to enter and of course you let her tongue slide into your mouth and dance with your tongue, and you moan into the kiss.

She breaks away for air, and looks down at you like you are the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. She then goes to your neck and starts kissing, sucking and nibbling, you both know that she’s marking her territory.

Melissa knows and loves how independent you are but she also has this possessive side where you are hers and everyone needs to know it, hence her marking you everywhere possible. And you’re not gonna lie, you think this side of her is so hot! You love that she wants everyone to know that you belong to her.

She works her way down to your boobs, and then she’s licking your nipple and sucking it and you let a stifled moan fall from your lips. She takes your chin in her hand and gets you to look at her.

“I want to hear that gorgeous moan of yours, nice and loud.” She instructs seductively.

She then goes to the other boob and works wonders with that gorgeous mouth of hers. “Fuck Mel!” You moan as your hands grip the sheets.

“There’s my good girl sounding so gorgeous for me.” She says praising you.

She then proceeds to kiss all the way down your stomach and your legs and then she gently licks all the way up and down your folds. Your moans fill the room.

“You’re already so wet for me princess, such a good girl wanting me to fuck you so badly.” She says as she looks at you between your legs.

She then slides her tongue inside you and your hips immediately start grinding against her mouth and your hands go to her hair. She starts rubbing circles on your clit and you feel the heat starting to rise as an orgasm begins to form.

“Oh my god Mel, yes I’m almost there!” You exclaim.

And then she pulls away and gets off the bed.

“What the actual fuck??!!” You whine looking to see what she’s doing. She goes into her closet, rummages around in there and then comes back out wearing the strap.

And you feel a whole different type of desire building inside your pussy.

She gets back on the bed and climbs on top of you. She hovers over your face and then leans down to kiss you softly.

“I’m sorry I left ya high and dry, I just thought that makeup sex needed to involve me strapping you.” She says in a soft but confident tone. All you can do is nod.

She starts rubbing the strap on your pussy as well as taking your juices and putting it on the strap so it’ll enter you with ease. She looks at you for permission to enter and you nod.

She knows that you need her to be gentle and go slowly as she starts. She pushes slowly inside of you and you gasp because having her fill you feels so god damn good. She starts pumping in and out slowly at first as she moves so that you’re face to face again,she takes your hands and places them above your head and then intertwines her fingers with yours as she leans down and kisses you deeply and you both can’t help but moan.

“You’re being such a good girl and taking me so well. You look so beautiful with me filling you.” She whispers to you.

“I’m so close Mel! Fuck!” You yell out.

“Me too baby.” She pants as she thrusts in and out of you. She can tell from your face that you’re about to cum. She thrusts in you a few more times and then says “Cum for me, my beautiful girl.” And you cum all over the strap and she cums seconds later. And then collapses on top of you as you both come down from your orgasms.

“You my dear are truly my sex goddess.” You say as you smile at her laying on your chest.

“Good, then I’m doing my job.” She says softly and winks at you.

“I love ya, ya know.” You say as you stroke her head and kiss her temple.

“I know baby, I love you so much.” She says as she reaches up and caresses your face.

“I would say that’s the best makeup sex I’ve ever had.” You say with a big smile.

“I would definitely agree. But like I said, makeup sex is occasional at most. I hate fighting with you.” She says looking up at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“I know baby. Me too. You’re just too adorable to fight with anyway.” You say with a chuckle.

“I’m only adorable with you. Everyone else I instill fear into their souls!” She says and then chuckles.

“You are rather terrifying in most situations i will say.” You say with a smirk.

“You make me feel safe, ya know. That’s why I’m so soft and loving with you cause you hold space for me where I can bring down my walls and be vulnerable and I know you got me and will love and support me regardless of what I’m feeling on any given day. And that’s a big deal for me. Thank you for being that for me, amore mio.” She says softly and then leans to you and gives you a soft love filled kiss.

“You wanna take a shower together tonight? That way you don’t have to worry about taking one tomorrow morning?” She asks as she pulls out of you, gets up and takes the strap off.

“Awww look at you thinking about future me.” You say as you get up and walk to the bathroom. “You know I’ll never say no to a shower with you.” You say as she follows you into the bathroom.

“You know I always think about you and how I can make your life easier.” She says as she wraps her arms around your waist. She looks at the handy work she did to your neck just moments ago and laughs.

“I’m glad you find the hickeys you gave me so amusing.” You say dripping in sarcasm.

“What can I say, you’ve turned me into a horny teenager all over again! And I just can’t help myself, plus your neck is so irresistible. It makes me laugh because I never felt this way let alone acted like this with anyone even as a kid. And now at 50 years old a little 29 year old comes along and brings it out of me.” She explains as she caresses your neck.

“I love that I brought it out of you.” You say with a smirk.

“Me too baby, me too. Okay shower and then bedtime so you wake up refreshed and ready to embark for Michigan.” She says and then takes you by the hand and into the shower.

You shower and then get into bed, you lie there staring up at the ceiling, feeling sad that you have to be away from Mel for five days.

“You better get your cute ass over here and lay your head on my chest. You know how that helps me fall asleep.” She says as she rolls over to face you.

You roll over and maneuver yourself and place your head on her chest and wrap your arm around her. And you listen to her heart beat and her breathing get slower and slower, as you drift off to sleep in the arms of a woman who is your everything.

“Feel the rain on your skin, no one can feel it for you only you can let it in. No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips. Treat yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten!” Blares through your phone into the silent room.

“Fuck my life!” You groan into your pillow as you grab the phone off the nightstand to turn off your alarm. You feel soft kisses being placed on your shoulders and up your neck. It’s Mel’s adorable way of making you feel better in the morning cause she knows you’re not a morning person. And it really does make you feel better.

You turn to face her and are met with her gorgeous green eyes which you could get lost in for eternity and you’d be perfectly content with that.

“Good morning angel.” She says with a big smile as she leans in and kisses you softly. You wrap your arms around her and pull her so that your bodies are intertwined with each other.

“Good morning my gorgeous girl.” You say softly as you give her a sleepy smile.

“I just want to stay like this all day. I can’t believe I won’t see you for five days, it’s gonna be so weird. I’m gonna miss ya so much.” She says and then she lays her head on your chest.

“I know baby, me too. I’m gonna miss you so much. But it’ll go by fast and then I’m all yours to do with whatever you like.” You say with a big smirk.

“Ooo I like the sound of that!” She looks up at you seductively. “We both need to get up and get moving princess.” She says and then steals another kiss and then she rips the sheets off of you both and gets up.

“Fine but only cause you said too.” You chuckle and get up.

Once dressed, Mel goes through a mental checklist with you to make sure you have everything packed.

“You are very cute making sure I have everything.” You say as you put your hands on her waist and pull her in for a hug.

“I need to know you’re taken care of even when I’m not there. Not saying you can’t take care of yourself…” She says but is interrupted by you kissing her.

“I know what you meant baby.” You say to her when you break away as you caress her cheek.

“Good! You’re finally getting it through that stubborn head of yours!” She teases and playfully nudges you.

“Yeah, yeah! I should probably call my Uber.” You say in a more somber tone.

“Because I can’t drive you to the airport, will you at least let me pay for your Uber?” She asks with her big puppy dog eyes.

You knew this was just another way of the redhead wanting to take care of you. “Fine. I’ll let you get my Uber. But you better watch out I could get used to this princess treatment!” You teased her.

“Good! Cause you’re getting it for the rest of our lives together!” She quips back with a big smirk.

Mel gets an Uber for you. A few minutes later she’s notified it’s here. You walk arm in arm outside with Mel of course carrying your luggage. Your Uber pulls up and Mel puts your suitcase in the trunk. You look at her and see her eyes fill with tears. You pull her into you for a tight hug.

“I’ll be back before you know it. And you’ll probably realize how nice it is not to have me around.” You tease her and feel her laugh into your neck. “I’m going to miss you so much. And just know that whenever you think about me, I’m probably thinking about you too. I love you so much, sweetheart.” You say as you stroke her head.

“I’m going to miss you more! I love you so much amore mio. Don’t forget to text me when you get to the airport, when you get through security, when you get on the plane, when you land and when you get to home.” She instructs you as she looks at you lovingly.

“Yes ma’am.” You say with a nod and then you pull her in for a deep passionate kiss. When you break away, she gives you one more quick hug and then opens the car door for you, makes sure you buckle up and then gently shuts the car door.

“You ready to go?” Asks the driver.

“Yep.” You say as you roll down the window and wave to Mel. And you look back at her standing in her driveway watching you leave until you can’t see her anymore.

Onward to Michigan, you think to yourself.

[dollfaceksj]

Can #7 be of Jungkook getting seriously jealous and making oc cry with mean-ish words? Maybe? Please?

i hear u loud and clear 🫡

gonna tag some warnings: y/n is a bit out of line/out of character cause of alcohol consumption & sorry for the angst…. this kinda takes a serious turn unlike the crack-vibes we’ve had so far. + its pretty long. sawry <3333

taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) #7

masterlist

<- previous ; next ->

sunday evening, ur chillin’ at home, watching how to get away with murder with a bag of chips on your stomach and your legs thrown up on the table

your phone starts ringing and you groan

who the hell is calling u rnnnn

you reach for the remote to pause the show before raising your phone to look at your screen

oh it’s eunbi

…

wait

IT’S EUNBI

you shoot up and chew the remnants of the chips in your mouth quickly, swallowing it down with your can of soda

you pick up the phone and put it to your ear

“hey–”

“i told you not to tell him!”

NO

what

NO NO NO

“what?”

“don’t act stupid! jungkook! you told jungkook!”

fuck fuck fuck

how are you gonna explain that you really didn’t!!

“eunbi i swear i didn’t!”

“then why did he come by to tell me he doesn’t like messing with people that can’t keep it on the down low? you’re the only one i told!!”

just to tell her? does that mean he just went there to break their little fling off and he didn’t fuck her?

but

why…

would he…

hm

“i swear i didn’t tell him. you can ask him yourself!”

“well i can’t anymore, he wasn’t very fucking happy, y/n. now he thinks i’m a dumb bitch that can’t help but run her mouth.”

well

she kinda is?

just calm her down

“you’re getting worked up over someone that has a gaming set up with twin monitors and a chair that lights up.”

she quietly chuckles and then says, “well, he has amazing dick.”

oooof. it worked

you roll your eyes. “you can find so many better, eunbi. don’t let that guy walk all over you like that.”

rich coming from YOU

she sighs quietly. “sorry for yelling like that. i just…”

she suddenly trails off

hm?

“you just?” you encourage her to finish her sentence

“how do you know he has a gaming set up? even i don’t know that.”

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

oh right

yeah

well

you’re fucked actually

now how the FUCK are you gonna explain you’ve been to his apartment after he just broke it off with her

SHE’S GONNA THINK YOU MADE HIM BREAK IT OFF WITH EUNBI FOR YOU

“what?”

wow very smart

“how the fuck do you know that, y/n?”

just calm down

think logically

“eunbi, he’s literally a damn gamer. it was a stereotypical joke but i’m pretty sure he does.”

GOOD SAVE GOOD SAVE

it’s quiet on the other line for a moment

“right, right, sorry. i’m being paranoid.”

“paranoid for what? u’d hate it if i did something with him?”

“well, i wouldn’t like it to be honest but i guess you can do whatever you want. it’d just be a shitty thing to do.”

???

“why, though? like you said he’s fucking everyone and their mother. you weren’t seeing each other romantically and y’all weren’t on platonic terms either. it was just sex.”

the other line is quiet

you conclude, “unless you… unless you’ve caught feelings for him.”

silence

eunbi is dead silent

“really eunbi? a JUNIOR?”

“ughhhh it’s not my fault, okay! he’s just so…” she deeply sighs. “he just knows what to say.”

yeah

yeah you know what she means

“i’m sorry he broke it off like that.”

“it’s okay. maybe it’s better before i actually catch some real feelings.”

you sigh and rub your forehead. “you’re in uni to get your degree, not let guys walk all over you and ESPECIALLY not geeks that are younger than you.”

she softly chuckles, “right. well anyways, i gotta go. i’ll talk to you later.”

“okay…” you quietly sigh as you hang up the phone and slam your phone down onto the couch besides you

for fucks sake

if you didn’t already feel stupid for playing this stupid game with jungkook, you feel guilty now

but why? they weren’t a thing

they weren’t anything

you could’ve very well already been sleeping with jungkook (gross!) when she told you

so does it matter in the end?

it’s just a matter of circumstances

worse than the circumstances you find yourself in right now

clubbing on a friday evening with tae and his mates

wearing the tightest little skirt you own

a long sleeve shirt that plunges almost all the way down to your belly button, cleavage on display

makeup and hair done the way you like it

you look absolutely stunning (u always do bae <3)

tae came to pick you up and now you’re standing in a club, hugging your phone to your chest as you wait by the bar

joon, yoongi, tae and seokjin are present

and yoongi looks mighty mighty MIGHTYYYY good

his long black hair is slicked back and he’s dressed in all black like he walked off the set of a mafia movie

you’ve taken just two shots so far but taehyung hitting The Shoot to a song that it doesn’t fit on whilst recording it for his insta story is enough to turn your babysitter instinct on

but

your phone buzzes

instagram notification

probably taehyung tagging you on his story again for the nth time tonight

you glance at your phone anyways

📸 @.jungkook97 has requested to follow you!

?

??

???

what the fuck

what the literal FUCK?

why is he

WHY IS HE ????

Oh for fucks sake

shit shit

what do you do?

accepting and declining his follow request would both just look like you’re still playing his game

and ur NOT!!!

swear

your thumb hovers over the confirm button

girl just accept his follow request and he’ll see how unbothered you are thru ur story

NO

decline and put him BEHIND you.

nooooo just accept :))

decline.

accept!!

DECLINE

before you can even accept or decline

an arm brushes against your elbow and you snap your head up to look at the person

is it .. who u think it is ..

“you don’t look like you’re enjoying your night,” he says as he nods towards taehyung

oh shit it’s yoongi

his voice is so deep and gravely. goodness gracious.

what perfect timing

you really needed something to take your mind off of all this bs

“i’m babysitting a grown man,” you chuckle, crossing your arms as you lean back against the bar

“he’s not your responsibility so you’re a good friend for that.”

hmmm

what a sweet thing to say :(

“thanks, yoongles.”

he chuckles and shakes his head. “what did i say about calling me yoongles?”

hm hm hm

you quip, “want me to call you something else instead?”

WHERES UR DECORUM???

TWO SHOTS AND UR LOSING UR MIND

he glances at you. “i’d blame the alcohol for your boldness but you had water the other day and you were still on demon time.”

???

you giggle and shake your head. “i’m fine. i’m just having fun, yoonie.”

“don’t call me that either.”

you should really listen to him but why are you such a fucking lightweight MANNNNN

you lean into his face. “you know, you have really pretty lips. like you could be a mouth model.” your eyes are glued to his lips and his eyes are staring down at you as you close your eyes in on his lips

“that so?”

(guys his lips…)

“like they’re so pink and plump. and soft. wow, you could totally be a mouth mod–”

yoongi chuckles and shakes his head before he cuts you off. “just kiss me.”

PAUSE

RECORD SCRATCH

WAITTT

you blink at him a couple times. “my lip combo cost me–”

“38 bucks, i know. you make them look that good and expect not to be kissed?”

DAMN

wow

that was so

smooth wow wait

uhhh

you

you kinda want to

so maybe you should

your eyes ping pong between both his eyes, a slight pinch on your brows. “i mean,” you pause, “it’s just a kiss.”

and before you know it, you’ve gently pressed your lips against his.

wow

his lips are so damn soft

so so soft

you cup his soft cheeks and pull him a but closer, lips messily painting his

but he doesn’t seem to mind when he holds you close by your waist, lips moving against yours in your own rhythm

you part your lips and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue through, gently licking into your mouth and allowing himself to taste the alcohol on your tongue

you move your hand down to his chest, other arm wrapping around his neck

suddenly a tap on your shoulder makes you jump

fuck fucj

who is that who is that

pls don’t be him

you pull away and glance over your shoulder

to be met with

none other than

oh.

it’s tae

WHEW

why are you still worried he’ll catch you? he doesn’t even go clubbing and he wasn’t here with tae or any of the other guys

he starts tugging on the both of you

“GUYS. dance on the dance floor! not at the bar. y’all look STUPID.” he slurs his words and you realize he thinks y’all are dancing and not … making out

what a dumbass

yoongi glances at you and chuckles, making you reach up and wipe his lips clean of the gloss you just smeared on his lips with your thumbs

you pull him to the dance floor, back turned to him

and so, you lead his hands to your hips as you continue to sway your hips to the song

he grips your hips and presses the side of his face against the side of your head

you close your eyes, allowing yourself to feel the music and the beat pumping through your veins

you needed this

no thoughts right now

you lean your head back against his chest, cranium grazing his collarbones as he continues to respectfully keep his hands on your hips

you dance with him for a few songs, allowing yourself to forget about everything. you’ve been acting a fool lately and yoongi is making you feel okay

you feel okay.

you feel okay.

you feel okay.

that is until yoongi stops moving behind you

just as you turn to look over your shoulder, you see

you see him

him

him

him

Him

HIM

h

i

m

“can i borrow her from you?” is all you hear as you stare at his lips, watching the lip rings move as he talks

what the hell

“sure, man.” yoongi pats jungkook on the shoulder before smiling at you and disappearing in the sea of bodies

no

yoongi, don’t leave

no no no

your heart is beating in your ass.

jungkook closes the distance between you and swiftly turns you around by your waist, holding your back close against his chest

your heart is definitely beating through your back and he can feel it through his chest, you’re sure of it

why the hell is he here?

he never goes clubbing

what is going on????

“no one likes a tryhard, y/n.” he says into your ear as he sways left to right

????

what?

no literally what

“you’re so pretty, so elegant. you could have the world at your feet,” he continues, hands respectfully dropping to your hips as he holds your hips and sways them for you

because

you

are

literally

fucking

frozen

“and yet, you’re seeking attention like you don’t matter.” his words are literally creating a dry lump in your throat

you literally did nothing wrong today

you didn’t do anything to get a reaction out of him

and yet he’s tearing into you???

you don’t deserve it this time

that’s enough

you’ve had enough

you slowly peel his hands off your hips and turn to him, glaring right up at him

he tilts his head to the side as he stares you down

everything happens

at once

you realize what’s going on

when you’re staring at the side of jungkook’s face

his cheek that’s reddening

and a clench in his jaw

right

you just

slapped him

you watch as he slowly nods like he knows he deserved that

he slowly turns his head to look at you and you’re vibrating with rage

“fuck you, jungkook. you absolute fucking asshole.”

you watch him open his mouth to respond but you don’t let him speak

you continue, “the world doesn’t fucking revolve around you but you know why you think it does?” you give him a moment to think about it.

but this time he’s not saying anything. he just stares at you

“because you’re a damn narcissist and you think any and everyone is out to get dicked down by you.” you bring your hand up to wipe your runny nose with the back of your hand

girl … you’re tearing into him

“but you’re just a fucking loser that games all day and gets his dick wet by girls who are also just looking for a release. you’re not anything fucking special, there’s nothing you can offer anyone except for good dick and your math notes.”

you can’t seem to stop though

“yeah, i admit, i sat next to you that day and talked to you like that with questionable intentions but that was because i wanted to see how far you’d be willing to take tae and joon’s ‘warning’, not because i fucking want you cause i don’t. i said it before and i’ll say it again but you gross me the fuck out.”

wrap it up before he cries… or before you cry

his big black eyes are staring straight at you, lips slightly parted and just a look of shock on his face

his cheek is decorated with a red print of your hand

“at the end of the day you are absolutely,” you pause as you narrow your eyes, “nothing but a fuckboy.”

by the clench in his jaw, the pinch in between his brows, the squint in his eyes and the quick scrunch in his nose, you can tell he doesn’t fucking like that

but you clearly don’t give a fuck anymore

he had it coming

tears prick in your eyes but you refuse to let them fall in his presence

what gives him the right to make you feel so small and humiliate you like that?

and with that, you shove your hand against his shoulder and push past him

you stumble all the way to the restrooms and book an uber

you wait for the uber’s arrival in the stalls

and leave without another word to anyone else

jungkook: 2

you: 1

to be continued

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[doomed2repeat]

Bridgerton Spoilers Below:

Guys…every couple on this show has something come between them until the 11th hour. We got more happy Polin than any other couple on the show if we’re being entirely honest. Y’all wanted Penelope to spend half the season making Colin grovel over one bad comment but are upset that Colin was in his feelings for 2 episodes about a huge lie that Penelope didn’t even tell him about so he had to find out on his own?

In comparison- Penelope overhears Colin say he would never court her. Penelope ghosts him for at least 4 months during the off season, and stays mad at him for about one full episode, since he apologizes at the very end of episode 1 and she forgives him. Colin finds out Penelope is Whistledown, that she’s been lying to him and keeping secrets, that the queen has nearly discovered her and is coming after his family, and that Penelope wants to keep writing despite it all, and he speed runs anger to acceptance to pride in about 2 episodes, all while still managing to express his love for her in the small ways he feels comfortable with, like his reassuring looks during the wedding ceremony, or dancing with her at the reception.

And I swear the audience of this show has a perception problem more than the show itself has a writing problem. People want this show to be something else, something that it never planned on being and then upset at the show that is IS and blow their complaints out of proportion. How can you honestly say Polin spent ALL of part 2 fighting when Colin doesn’t even find out about Whistledown until the very end of episode 6? They’re only really fighting for 1.5 episodes total, and their honeymoon period in episodes 5-6 is very strong. The engagement party with Colin’s sappy speech, Colin goofing off and then dancing in the church, Colin explaining his love for Pen to his brothers, and later saying he’s so in love that he can’t write, the engagement ring scene, Colin talking to Eloise about how Penelope and their future is the only thing that matters, Colin confronting Portia and that beautiful scene of Polin’s first time. Yes Penelope is going through it because of the weight of the LW secret, but that was full on honeymoon period mushy in-love Colin.

Happy Polin is good, but not at the expense of glossing over the real problems this couple had just to rush us to the part where Colin just becomes Penelope’s cheerleader with no interiority of his own. They gave us and Colin that high so that it could come crashing down with the reveal. We know that Colin feels things intensely and deeply, and while that means he’s excitable and giddy during happy moments, in means that his negative feelings are strong too. If you were into Colin when he careened headfirst off a cliff when he was falling for Penelope, that’s the same guy who careened headfirst off a cliff when he felt betrayed. He’s a sensitive guy, take it or leave it. Colin was not relegated to being a side character by the show, they allowed him to process and feel his emotions fully and make human and true to his character mistakes that actually give his character more agency than the audience who wanted him to get over LW quickly so we could use him for more sex scenes.

And I’m not saying the show is perfect in that regard- the very last sex scene when everything was open and Pen was on top should’ve been longer, the make out session on the street was the perfect opportunity to transition to a second carriage ride that would be more like the books- and I’m not even saying they’re perfect in how they used Luke Newton/ Colin - I would’ve preferred that he was able to stand by Penelope’s side more at the end, they really fumbled on the Polin vs the world aspect of the story we were all hoping for. BUT for a guy who connects sex with emotional closeness as much as Colin does in the show, it makes perfect sense that part of processing his feelings comes with not being intimate with Penelope and for a guy as sensitive as Colin he needed the grace to sort himself out.

[spirit-of-beetlejuiceblues12]

My thoughts on John Mulaney & the Baby J special

There’s so many places I could start but it doesn’t matter because this is definitely gonna be long af.

So. I’m not exactly clear on what exactly the beef with Mulaney is. Here’s what I have heard:

People are upset about his addiction and stay in rehab. Honestly, I don’t understand why this is even a reason to be angry at someone. Parasocial relationships really have y’all pissed at this one man for something a lot of celebrities have done, are doing, and will continue to do. Dumb reason to vilify him.

Divorcing his wife and having a baby with another woman even after saying he didn’t want children. Okay, if he did cheat on his wife, that’s fucked up and he sucks for that. Another ‘my wife’ guy down the drain. But whether he cheated or not, the reason his marriage fell apart is not our business. Stop taking it personally.

Dave Chapelle transphobia when he opened for JM. Alright, I’ll give you this one. I don’t know the details (honestly I don’t really want to go looking for them), so I’m not going to say whether it did or didn’t happen and how bad it was. I’m a genderqueer person and it makes me sad that Mulaney may have knowingly let that joke happen. I wish he would say something.

I found Baby J comforting in a weird way. I went into it wondering if he was going to address any of the shit that happened in the past few years; I was thrilled to see that that is literally all the special was about.

Someone on tumblr said “John Mulaney is a piece of shit, but he’s still the funniest motherfucker out there” and dude. Yes. As always, his comedic timing was incredible.

Baby J made me laugh so hard. There was some killer lines in there that nearly knocked me out; his vibe is truly different, but there’s also still that token Mulaney dry humor. It reminded me why I took so much comfort in his past specials as a teenager, because his sarcasm and wit have never failed to make me smile. As I watched the special, I found myself relieved that he was back, happy that I have new John Mulaney content to meme about.

Don’t get me wrong, Baby J was not as raw and brutal as Bo Burnham’s Inside. If Mulaney had tried to make it like that, it would’ve been disingenuous and boring. He was true to his own humor and I things that’s really important.

Everything he said was blunt and honest. I noticed that he was genuinely laughing at his own jokes and the memories he was recounting. I don’t think anyone ever realized how truly buttoned up and rigid he was onstage in the last specials because we were all “hehe funny man runnin around”. Isn’t that wild? Suddenly he’s showing his real self, and I think that’s incredible. He’s imperfect and uncomfortable and that’s not something we haven’t gotten to see in celebrities very often.

I can’t speak from experience with addiction because I’ve never had an addiction. But I do understand that it’s a remarkable thing to overcome. I’m really happy for John Mulaney, and I’m very glad he’s doing better. Hopefully we’ll see some more improvement in him from here. I wish we could’ve gotten to hear more about what happened with his wife and the baby, but like I said that’s not really our business.

“When I’m alone, I realize I’m with the person who tried to kill me.” Okay but that one felt very personal, I won’t be taking questions.

TLDR; I think parasocial relationships are a big part of why people are pissed at John Mulaney, and we all need to recognize that. He’s a human being and he’s allowed to fuck up. Baby J was an incredible show from start to finish and I will be watching it a million more times.

[oldhalloweentape]

🪨Venture (OW II) x (gn) reader ⛏️

(Dragon Reader Edition!)

(Picture’s not mine!)

(I’m gonna be honest with y’all, my bones fucking ache. But it’ll be ok, the week will be done soon enough. Happy early birthday @goohts , you weirdo/pos)

- From my knowledge, I know that most dragons have a human form so meeting them like that is the most likely situation, however, the idea of them stumbling upon your cave and witnessing your full dragon form while on a hiking trip sounds fun.

- Makes them question everything— The mere mention of real-life dragons was preposterous, considering mere folklore and fictional but… Here you were, and it had their brain just emitting a droning dial tone and nothing else.

- They’ll get over it— Eventually. When the initial panic and fear of being honey smoked by your large lizard assed self, approaching this part of you with an air of excitement.

- This is revolutionary to them, you are an absolute marvel to them, every little bit of information you tell them whether it be about your species or parts of history you were able to experience is cataloged neatly in various handwritten and recorded journals.

- Studies you (expect to be poked and prodded a little bit if you let them) as much as they can so they can see whether or not historical depictions of your species were accurate or not.

- The prehistoric lizard facts are endless and they will eagerly ask you about your ancestry, you have them captivated.

- This may be a highly coveted secret of yours and with Venture usually it’s natural to think that they might spill the beans inevitably, and are kind of right. Though they are actually able to swerve certain questions about you fairly well, technically not lying but not indulging in telling anyone.

- Just means they can be slick when they want to be, and will divulge in sharing anyone else’s secrets with you.

- Considering how time after time throughout history humanity, or certain groups of humanity are known for being rather gauche and destructive with their kind, and we know how they are with inhuman species that are visibly able to think critically/emotionally and have bodily autonomy (cough cough omnics cough cough).

- Anyways on a less serious note, I feel like they’d be a D&D player, like usually playing bards or artificers, so— I guess you can say that they can finally seduce a real dragon with their D20 roll/j

- Shared lizard brain? Shared lizard brain, the size of your hoard increases tenfold with rocks and crystals just by them coming on by your cave and waving them around excitedly.

- Got a hoard of ancient treasures? Their immediate reaction is to try to analyze them and ask question after question on each piece so they can hear you talk about how you got them and so on and so forth.

- They’re like a kid in a candy shop, aching to touch everything but asking if they can all the while giving you puppy eyes, saying stuff like “You won’t even notice I’m here! Pleaseeee!!”.

- This goes for them wanting to touch you while in your dragon form, like if you have scales, feathers, fur, etc.

- When you’re cuddling they’re going to run their feelings across them, enjoying the texture.

- Kisses your snout a whole lot, you letting out a small puff of smoke from your nose is just too cute.

- Knowing the whole fire breathing and association with the element you probably feel like a hot rock… And they’ll be the lizard in this relationship now.

- Can and will plead for you to let them climb on your back and fly with you, the wind on their face is rather nice and exhilarating.

- Has “jokingly” asked for you to fry Mauga before, drawing some crude picture of it you keep on a pile of gold coins.

- Ya’ll are extremely cute, as any other Reader x Venture usually is.

(Hmm, monster x human, y u m)

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, April 14, 2024

My posts

Honestly, I spent much of the week coping with storm migraines. You can tell, because I was reblogging a lot from under a cold compress rather than doing anything useful with life. 

Reblogs of interest

The Hot Vintage Lady Polls are rough out there, y’all. Round three started closing yesterday (see what’s still open here), and as of this writing, we have lost Bette Davis, Alla Nazimova, Theda Bara, Myrna Loy, Barbra Streisand, Fay Wray, Lucille Ball, Ginger Rogers, and Olivia de Havilland--and it looks like Catherine Deneuve, Clara Bow, Lana Turner, and Mary Pickford are on their way out. Meanwhile, I learned about a ton of actresses I’d never heard of before, only to shriek when Sharmila Tagore, Nadira, and Waheeda Rehman lost this round. (Edwige, I will never forget you.) 

Let me remind you (and me sometimes, too): Not everyone has the same taste or childhood attachments or cinema experiences as you. And everybody in this bracket loses. Everybody but one. 

(I can tell I’m not cut out for brawling because I’m like, “I will be very sad to see Norma Shearer go, but Hazel Scott seems nice!”)

--

“Actually, Mr. Musk, I am an attorney. Do you know that?” Here’s the highlights of Mark Bankston, the man who brought down Alex Jones, coping with Elon Musk and Elon Musk’s Lawyer, who is not even licensed in Texas, for 100 pages of deposition. 

Hozier Watch 2024: “Too Sweet” has now charted higher in the UK than “Take Me to Church,” and it’s getting real close on the US charts. This is a song that didn’t even make last year’s album. I am endlessly fascinated. 

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Neil Banging Out the Tunes Day!

“Posting endless DNIs because we can’t (or don’t know we can) make spaces just for the people we do want to interact with” actually makes a lot of sense in this centralized social media hellscape. 

There is a 20k mg weed gummy and nobody needs that. “Forget meeting the Hat Man this is what turns you into the Hat Man. This is worse than that torture drug that makes you experience 600 billion years in a second. This is the secret to honest to god shifting.” 

One of the best uses of the Kate Beaton Poe comic I’ve ever seen

“Americanisms that tell you to check on your American” (they are all correct)

“Tuxedo Mask is the first example of being ‘Kenough’”

Just this once, I will allow this AI rendition of a “traditional Polish family” and their traditional Polish woodchuck. 

I am absolutely not saying there is anything wrong with being into tentacles; I’m just saying that Pyramid Head doesn’t even have them and thus is a pretty tame choice to complain about. 

Little Guy, a game

A cursèd chair called “Oops!”

Sparrow Tarot: Honestly, this is one of my favorite takes on the Hanged Man.

This dog is a biscuit and she is precious

Video

One of the things that’s so great about this Ilia Malinin free-skate program is, he makes it look so effortless that I would have never figured out on my own, without Tumblr’s commentary, that there’s a couple moves in here that no one in the world can do but him. Like, the very first jump and the announcers start screaming. 

A journey from fearing moths to raising them

A dude puts on a dress For the Meme and then discovers that he loves it (and then he styles it as a full outfit and it looks SO GOOD)

Watching this cat ride around on a roomba on a sped-up surveillance camera is self-care.

So is this (although it’s a bit strobe-y)

Bat type: hi doggy

Was the jello for the tuna salad lamb supposed to be lime?

The sacred texts

Holy Shit, Two Cakes

The origin of “Me, an intellectual”

#AllMyLifeIHadToFight

Personal tag of the week

Designer Roberto Cavalli, who passed away this week at age 83. I reblogged several fashion posts--I hadn’t even realized myself that he had designed Beyoncé’s famous yellow dress in Lemonade.

[sensitiveheartless]

different from the fanfic writer ask thing, but I just wanted to thank you for always always always being such a friendly and positive ray of sunshine in the fandom! BSD fandom is generally a hostile place to be, but your tumblr is and always has been such a chill place to be! It’s always so fun to see your fic ideas and fanart, and it’s always a relief to be able to interact with you, knowing you’re not going to overreact and lash out unexpectedly! Thanks for being such a bright, safe spot that makes this fandom worth staying in and interacting with!

Anon I will CRY, don’t tempt me — but seriously, I’m really glad I’ve been able to be that for you!

I think I’ve been pretty lucky, to be honest — I might have grown up with too much unsupervised internet access, but one thing that my mom did hammer into my head at a young age was to never ever share anything personal about myself with anyone online. Which my child brain interpreted as “never talk to anyone ever or they will find out where you live”, so I then proceeded to avoid making any social media accounts, and in general tried to never interact with anything online at all up until I was in college.

…Anyway, as a result of that, my default state is not interacting with things, which makes it pretty easy to ignore random internet squabbles or people trying to be inflammatory. (Also I don’t go in the main tags for bsd so I just see things through the blogs I follow, none of which are particularly drama-prone, so I’ve overall had a pretty positive experience in this fandom, considering it’s the first one I’ve ever interacted with. I think in general that kind of curation makes for a much more chill experience, so I do recommend that.)

But yeah! I will never lash out at someone for saying hi, or just interacting with me in general, and I fully intend to keep this a chill blog where I just share the stuff I’m working on :D I am here because I like making things and I like talking with people about the blorbos!

Ah, also, a somewhat related guarantee: on the rare occasions I’ve gotten bad faith hate mail on here, I have ignored it and gone to draw something that makes me happy instead of responding. I will continue to utilize that strategy, and that is a promise. Y’all don’t need to see that kind of negativity, and it’s a waste of energy to respond, so I don’t.

(This also seems like a good time to say that I am dearly sorry if I’ve ever blocked a real person while mistaking them for a bot, it’s just genuinely hard to tell sometimes alskdjfj)

[crowtrobotx]

Gotta be honest, folks. I’m with most of y’all in that I’m just numb. Had to get talked off a ledge already. I’m not going to doompost but I don’t have anything to say that would be helpful at the moment. I probably have to make serious plans to leave the state I was born in and have lived in for almost 34 years. And I’m just supposed to… go to work.

Not trying to make it about me but man is it gonna be real fuckin’ hard to find a reason to be happy about my birthday next Friday.

[lurkingshan]

Step by Step Episode 11 (OF DOOM)

Warning: I really, really did not like this episode. If you’re trying to keep positive vibes you should scroll on by, friends! 

Welp. I told a few friends last week that my biggest disappointment would be if, after missing the mark on the emotional payoff of the slow burn and speed running the relationship, the show chose to break them up and do a time jump rather than staying with them in the present time and working through the conflicts they set up. And here we are! I wish I’d been wrong about where this was heading. Shouts to @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm for holding me down while this show fell apart on me, I’ve been all in a tizzy about it, because I really loved it for awhile there.

This episode, yet again, felt like a disjointed mess. After last week’s cliffhanger, the idea of Pat resigning to get away from the predatory office gossip fell away within a few quick scenes. Instead the tension disappeared as the plot brought them into a bubble with only their most supportive colleagues and we swerved into a retread of the Put nonsense and a new plot about Jeng and Pat fighting to save the digital marketing team via the power of Put’s quasi-celebrity and Instagram likes. Or something. I honestly couldn’t tell you the details of what they were trying to accomplish, I was too distracted by my incredulity to pay close attention to this very sudden fake problem that they were obviously going to conquer (that, my friends, is what we call conflict with no stakes). Meanwhile, the show suddenly wants me to care about Jaab and Jen again - enough to devote a big portion of the penultimate episode’s runtime to them, what a choice - after doing fuck all with that plot for six weeks. It’s a no from me. 

It doesn’t matter anyway, because soon enough we’re time skipping again! After resolving the work challenge subplot we speed past another three months of Pat and Jeng’s relationship without addressing any of their issues, and I guess I’m supposed to be at peace with being a full nine months into their relationship with no onscreen emotional advancement? But I gotta be honest, y’all. I am not. You just don’t do this with a slow burn romance narrative. You can’t spend 80% of your runtime building to something that you have no intention of paying off, and no amount of thinking about what else this show is trying to say is going to convince me they did proper justice to the relationship. I already broke down why I didn’t think the episode 10 culmination got us there, and nothing that happened in this episode changed my opinion.

And all of this is leading to yet another time jump - two entire years this time - after the big reveal that Jeng doesn’t believe in Pat at all and literally bought his success, Evil Daddy knew it all along and waited for a choice moment to deploy the info for maximum damage while twirling his villain mustache, and Pat is finally quitting for real and dumping Jeng for good measure.

And ya know what? GOOD FOR PAT. I was completely on his side in this decision. If there’s one bright spot in this episode (other than Chot, always Chot) it’s Pat getting himself together enough to realize he deserves better than the bullshit he’s been getting from Put and Jeng and walking on out. So Jeng and Pat are now broken up, but I never got invested in their relationship in the first place, because we barely saw it, let alone got the chance to live in and feel it. I wasn’t even upset while watching this breakup scene - it left me emotionally indifferent. Which is maybe the worst thing I can say about a dramatic climax in a story.

I guess next week we’ll meet Jeng and Pat again two years in the future and get some kind of happy ending. I’m gonna stick around for the finale and cross my fingers that we get all the epilogue fluff we have definitely earned, but sadly, this show has lost me.