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[pmpkinns]

Growls From The Dark (Chapter 1 - Missing)

(I’m deciding to upload the chapters here as I upload them on archieve! I aim to upload a new chapter between Friday or Saturday of each week. Feel free to follow me on my social medio for upload updates and other information! 

Twitter: TiredLeaf@LeafTired , Instagram: _tiredleaf_

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Word Count: 5K+

Summary:  Luz hasn't shown up to school all week, which leaves her friends concerned. Brushing it off as the human needing to do errands for Eda, Amity's concern reaches its peak when Luz blows off their Azura Bookclub Meeting without any word as to why. Even stranger, Eda and Lilith refuse to tell Amity the truth about the noises she hears from outside the owl house as well as refusing to let her see Luz. Things remain in the dark until Amity is attacked by a strange creature on her way home one night. However, its eyes remind her of the human girl she loves.

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It was quiet. Nearly too quiet for Willows liking. Her gaze remained on the empty seat across from her as Gus continued to drink his apple blood without care. There was a silence between them, though it was not awkward, it was oddly peaceful. “Gus, have you seen Luz around today?” Willow asked, a hint of worry clearly laced in her voice. Gus stopped, his eyes shifting to the spot where Luz usually sat. The young witch thought for a moment. Luz had not been in his illusions class that morning, which he found a bit odd. However, his mind had been more focused on writing up an essay for the Human Appreciation Society, discussing a few new things that Luz had told him about the human realm. “I haven’t, but I wouldn’t think too hard on it. Maybe she’s out with the owl lady?” Gus tried his best to calm his friends' worries. They usually talked every morning before school; however, Luz had never picked up.

Willow gave a curt nod of understanding, before going back to the lunch on her tray. As soon as the sound of shuffling reached her eyes, Willow's eyes shot up, expecting to see the smiling Latina. However, they met with a pair of concerned yellow eyes. “Have either of you seen Luz today?” Amity asked her gaze drifting to the empty spot next to her. Willow seemed to tense just a bit, however, remembered Gus’s words. “She didn’t answer her crystal ball this morning, but she’s probably off somewhere helping Eda and Lilith. Also, she does stay with her mother on the weekends, so there’s a chance they’re just spending the day together.” Willow listed the different possibilities. Amity’s ears appeared to droop just a bit, which did not go unnoticed by the plant witch. “Hey, don’t think too much about you. I’m sure she’ll be back tomorrow!” Willow tried her best to raise the spirits of the youngest Blight, Titan knows she needed some joy in her life.

Amity’s eyes continue to remain on the spot where Luz usually sat. Finally, she sighed, giving Willow a reassuring smile. “You’re right, she’s probably just needing a day to herself,” Amity admitted. The group had been through so much within the past two years. With the takedown of Belos, there was still danger lurking in the shadows due to the escape of Kikimora. Due to this, Amity no longer needed to focus on joining the emperors' coven at the time, with Lilith having taken over and currently working to rebuild it and shape it into a proper coven that could do good. Amity now spent most of her days studying, hanging out with her new group of friends, and spending time alone with Luz that the group and her siblings did not need to know about.

School went on normally with only a few incidents. Someone had accidentally created a rather large plant beast that tried to consume students. Another tried creating an illusion of themself that ended up running around the school, spray painting everything in its path. And finally, the school had to evacuate due to a student in potions not paying attention, thus the smoke from their cauldron had caused the fire alarm to go off. The trio met outside, slightly damp due to the water. Willow was busy ringing out the little bit of water from her uniform, meanwhile, Gus created the illusion of a fan to help dry off the notes he had been taken in one of his classes. Amity stood beside him, opening one of her abomination textbooks to try and dry as well. Once everything was situated, and the smoke cleared, everyone returned to their classes to finish off the day. In the end, the group once again met up outside. “Should we just wait to give Luz her schoolwork tomorrow when she comes back?” Gus asked as he stared at the papers in his hands that his teacher had given to him earlier. Willow and Amity shared a look, almost as if they were having a silent conversation with each other. “I think we should wait until tomorrow. That way we can help her if she has any questions.” The plant witch insisted. “I think I’ll copy my notes for Luz tonight, that way she isn’t too lost,” Amity claimed as she thought about the girl, she had a crush on. Willow's eyes shifted towards Amity, who was busy staring at the ground. She bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from smiling as Amity’s cheeks turned a light pink.

“I think she’d like that.” Willow agreed.

The next day, Luz did not meet with the trio at the front of the school. Nor did she ever show up to lunch or any of her classes.

The day after, Luz remained absent, something that was beginning to worry the group. She had not been picking up when they called the owl house’s crystal ball, nor had been seen by any of the local vendors.

“Maybe something finally ate her,” Boscha had commented one day as she listened in on the group’s conversation during class change. Both Willow and Amity shot a look towards the three-eyed girl. She currently wore her grudgby jacket, due to the season starting the upcoming weekend, and tossed a ball in her hand. “Or maybe she’s just tired of hanging out with losers, though, she’s quite the loser herself.” The girl commented with a giggle. Willow took a deep breath to calm herself. “Luz is fine, she’s just out due to personal reasons.” Willow lied. Boscha stopped tossing the ball as she scoffed. She was about to open her mouth once again until Skara roughly grabbed her arm. “Boscha, you’re supposed to be at practice! We’ve been wondering where you’ve been!” She stated, tugging at her friend's jacket. Her eyes lit up at the sight of Amity.

“Amity!” She called excitedly, taking a step forward wanting to talk to the green-haired witch, however she was roughly tugged back. “We don’t have time for talking Skara! We need to practice!” Boscha barked as she pulled her friend away. “But you got to talk to Amity!” They heard Skara whine as Boscha led her down the hall and out the school. Amity’s expression became somber. Skara was not as bad as Boscha and honestly, she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss her. Gus took note of this. “Hey, I’m sure Luz is alright like Willow said! You two have your Azura Book Club meeting tonight, right? I’m sure she’ll be there!” Gus tried his best to reassure the youngest Blight. Amity thought it over. She couldn’t say she’d be exactly happy that Luz decided to miss school but attend their book club meeting; however, the thought that Luz missing school but still wanting to see her made her heart flutter a bit. “Yeah, I’m sure she’ll be there.” She agreed, holding her books closer to her chest as if the gesture helped slow down her beating heart.

Amity waited from six till a quarter to the witching hour in her hideout at the library.

Luz never showed.

Her pillow was soaked with tears when she woke up. Her siblings had suspected Amity to be out at a sleepover but were surprised to hear the front door open from the living room where they were busy watching a horror movie. Eric had nearly screamed, but Emira was quickly able to cover his mouth before he woke their parents up. The twins slowly peaked over the couch, surprised to see their sister slowly closing the door closed. “Mittens?” Emira gently called out, watching her sister tense. Both their eyes widened in concern as they took in their sisters tear-stained face. She sniffled weakly, eyes starring at the floor instead of her siblings. “Amity, is everything alright?” Edric asked, standing from the couch and ready to rush to his younger sister to see if she was hurt. Amity’s bottom lip trembled as more tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. “Amity!” The twins tried to keep their voices low as their sister ran from their view and up the stairs towards her room.

They remained in the living room with the movie paused, giving their sister some time to herself, hoping she would come down and speak with them when she felt better.

Amity never returned to her siblings.

Amity cringed at the feeling of the dried tears against her face. She felt gross and wanted a shower more than anything at the moment. Well, she actually wanted to rush to the owl house to see if Luz was alright, but that would have to wait. Amity crawled out of bed nearly jumped at the sound of knocking echoing throughout the manor. Somebody was at the door. Amity glanced at the clock on her wall and then out her window. It was nearly seven in the morning and the sun was just beginning to rise. The knocking continued and from the sounds of it, the person was clearly not happy. Amity grabbed a change of clothes, preparing to take a shower, before walking out of her room. “I know it had to be those twins!” Whoever was at the door barking.

Curious about the topic of her siblings, and what they could have done to make someone so angry, Amity turns away from the direction of the bathroom to instead stand at the top of the staircase. One of the maids starred unamused at the man in front of her. Amity took note of his attire, chalking him up to be one of the farmers that lived a few miles away in the more rural area of the boiling isles. “Excuse me sir, but I don’t really see how you can believe the Blight twins to be the cause of such-” The maid seemed to be mulling over a variety of negative words in her head “-Misfortune.” She went with. The man huffed, rage clear on his face. “Because they’ve done this before!” He yelled, clearly irritated that he was not believed.

“My fence door was torn apart and some of my screech sheep gone!” The man growled. Amity could tell the maid was holding back an eye roll at the man’s accusation. “Well some may be missing; however, you still have the rest.” The maid claimed, ready to shut the door; however, the man was quick to press his hand against it. The woman’s eyes shifted towards his calloused, the twitch of her brown signaling she was becoming more irritated by the second. “There is nothing left.” The man hissed. Amity tensed slightly. It wouldn’t have been the first time a farmer had beat down their door due to her siblings, but something seemed off. When she came home the twins had been in their pajamas, clearly too lazy and not planning to go out and terrorize people with their usual shenanigans.

The man made no move to step inside the manor; however, he clearly didn’t plan on just leaving either. “And what, if I may ask, are you wanting exactly? Because I shall tell you now, the Blights will now be paying for your losses due to a claim without proof.” The maid stated rather harshly. The man sucked his teeth, ears twitching in clear irritated. His mouth opened and closed before he simply took his hand off the door and turned to walk away. The maid puffed out her chest in a bit of pride, though her eyes narrowed when the man stopped. “I know it was those damn Blight twins! And I’m going to catch them next time!” The man barked as he stomped down the old pathway.

Amity processed the conversation. Her siblings had scared local sheep stiff, laughing as they would fall over, however she could not wrap her head around the twins breaking into something physically to cause chaos. No, that was simply too much work for them. If they can’t use magic to get where they want, they’ll go find something else to entertain them. “Ms. Blight.” The voice of the maid pulled Amity away. Her eyes met with disinterested pair of green ones. “You may wish to change before breakfast. Your parents will be joining you, and I doubt they’d be very thrilled to see you in your school attire on a weekend.” The maid hissed. Amity tensed. No doubt about it her parents would be up soon, so she had to hurry. Quickly, Amity rushed to the bathroom. She undressed of her school uniform and tried to make her shower as quickly as possible, aiming to get changed and downstairs before her parents woke.

When she was done Amity wrapped her bathrobe around her, exiting the bathroom as soon as she finished everything she needed to do. She stepped out, ready to head straight to her room, instead of the waiting hands of her mother. Odalia gently cupped Amity’s face. “Sleep well?” She asked as a small smile graced her features. “Yes, mother,” Amity replied automatically. Odalia hummed lowly, her thumbs gently rubbing against Amity’s pale cheeks. “That’s good. I could have sworn I heard you crying at some point in the night,” Her mother stated which nearly made Amity’s body tense. “Oh darling,” She cooed, bringing Amity into an embrace. “Did you and Boscha have a disagreement? I haven’t seen her or Skara around in quite some time.” Odalia claimed. Amity gave a small nod, refusing to open her mouth in fear of her voice betraying how nervous she felt. Odalia hummed lowly, her nails finding purchase in Amity’s hair.

Usually, such an action would cause people to feel comforted and safe. Amity felt like she could throw up. Odalias nails raked against Amity’s scalp, her fingers stopping to place a strand of green between her fingers. “Such a beautiful shade. It really brings out the brightness of your eyes. The paleness of your skin. It’s absolutely beautiful.” She hummed, gently rubbing the wet strands between her fingers. Her hand once against found its way into Amity’s hair. This time she felt a rather harsh scrape against her roots. It made her wince. “Such a nasty shade. Very distasteful to the eye. Don’t you hate it Amity? This disgusting shade of brown takes away from such a lovely shade of green.” Her mother claimed, fingers pulling at her roots as if she were pulling weeds from a garden. What a silly comparison, as if Odalia had to do a hard day’s work in her life, let alone get dirty in a garden.

“I hate it, mother.” Amity lied.

Odalia hummed lowly in joy. She didn’t need to look up to know that her mother's smile had grown. “That makes me so happy to hear. I’m actually going into town after breakfast to have my hair done for a party your father and I must attend tonight. You’ll join me.” She stated, pulling away from Amity. Odalia’s hands once again cupped her face, giving her no choice but to stare up at her mother. “Be a good girl and wear something nice.” Odalia stated with one more look over of Amity “Don’t embarrass me.” Her eyes read before releasing her daughter's face to head downstair. Amity felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was quick to rush back to her room, changing into something she felt would be flattering to her mother’s taste, which meant an outfit that her mother had gifted her recently.

It took Amity a moment to find something reasonable, due to her usually stuffing all her clothes given to her by her parents to the back of her closet. Usually what she wore were outfits she bought while out with Willow and Luz, some even coming from shopping trips with her siblings. Once she was changed, she used a spell to dry her hair and pulled it up into its usual half pull back state. She packed a bag, making sure to put in the notes and the homework Willow and Gus gave her yesterday since she had been expecting to see Luz that night. She halted at the thought. Amity sniffled at the memory. Was Boscha right? Was Luz tired of hanging out with them? Had she done something that had upset Luz? Amity shook her head free of the thoughts. If Luz had a problem, she’d come to them to speak about it, she wouldn’t just cut them off. Quickly, Amity made her way downstairs, making sure to drop off the bag by the door to grab when she and her mother left. Breakfast was quiet and uneventful, the twins mostly conversing amongst themselves and answering any questions their mother had.

Due to the takedown of Belos, Odalia had enlightened her family about her “concerns” of the Emperor's Coven. She had made it clear she didn’t feel comfortable with her children joining now that such a corrupt person had taken over. They were not allowed to join until a more suitable person was placed as head of the coven. On their way out, Amity grabbed the bag and slipped it over her shoulder. A carriage waited for them outside, which Odalia insisted her daughter enter first. Once they were comfortable the carriage began its journey to the marketplace. “Schoolwork darling?” Odalia asked, having taken notice of her daughter's bag. “Actually, a student in my abominations course was out sick this week, so I offered to bring them their schoolwork.” Amity partially lied. It felt as if her mother was starring through her, subtle smile still on her face as she checked her daughter for any hints of a lie.

“Such a good girl.” Was all that she said before turning her attention to the window. The conversation ended just like that, and the rest of the journey was silent. At the hair salon, Amity was quickly rushed into a chair by her usual stylist who scolded her for allowing her roots to grow out so much. She listened to her mother chuckle as she was placed in her own chair, the stylist being quick to let Odalia’s hair out of its usual updo. “I told her, brown just isn’t her color.” Her mother stated, relaxing in her chair as the stylist began to work. Amity felt embarrassed as the adults talked about her as if she wasn’t there.

Amity stayed out of the conversation, only speaking when spoken to. The sooner this ended, the quicker she could get to the owl house to see Luz and make sure she was okay. To hold her in a tight embrace and run her fingers through her hair. Amity’s face began to burn at the memories. At the times they were supposed to be having a book club meeting, but instead leaned against each other and took a nap, their arms wrapped around each other. The times they would be out to see a movie with Willow and Gus who didn’t realize that the two girls were secretly holding hands under the armrest between them. Jeez, she really missed her. “- And grudgby season has once again started! My husband and I went to the game last night and my oh my, how things have changed since your daughter left Mrs. Blight.” The man behind Amity laughed.

“All negative I hope.” Odalia chuckle, which caused the rest of the salon employees to give a laugh. They could think her mother was joking, but behind that innocent smile, Amity knew her mother meant what she said. “Your daughter was such a star player, it’s sad that she decided to quit.” He spoke as if he wasn’t talking about the girl who sat in his chair. “Oh, I know. Her father and I were so upset to hear that she quit due to a little mishap with her team. Luckily, she’s feeling better and Amity plans to rejoin the team again next year.” Odalia stated proudly. Amity tensed, her eyes widening. They had never spoken about this. She had no plans on returning to the grudgby team. “Oh, how wonderful! It’ll be so wonderful to see you on the field once again Ms. Blight!” Her stylist stated excitedly as he finished adding the last bit of dye to her hair. “Yeah, me too.” Amity gave a fake smile and even through in a giggle for effect.

“Is she wanting to be grudgby captain again?” An older woman who was having her hair washed asked, joining in on the conversation. Amity could feel her mother's gaze, as the older woman stared at the back of her daughter's head from her mirror. “You bet she does,” Odelia stated happily, which earned a few mumbled of joy from the other clients. Though Boscha had brought Hexside to victory on many occasions, everyone knew that the only way she even became captain was due to Amity leaving. “Oh, how exciting! We can’t wait to see you on the field once again!” A man who was having his hair dyed as well claimed excitedly. Amity chuckled, becoming more embarrassed as attention was drawn to her.

“Me too.” Amity lied once again.

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Amity waved goodbye to her mother as she once again entered the carriage, hair more elegant and ready to be seen. Her mother had originally offered to drop her off at the so-called classmate's house, but Amity insisted she walk to prevent her mother from being late. Her mother looked as if she wanted to continue with her daughter, though held back as soon as Amity mentioned the party her mother needed to attend. Before entering her mother had gently brushed some strands of green hair out of Amity’s face with a simple “Beautiful once again.” Slipping past her lips before disappearing into the carriage. She waited till the carriage was out of her sight before turning and heading towards the owl house.

Her concern only grew as a few merchants who recognized her, stopped her to ask where Luz had been. She usually delivered potions to people around the area, however, hadn’t been seen all week. Eda and sometimes Lilith would be spotted instead, selling potions to customers both new and old. Amity began to feel more anxious each time she was stopped and asked about the human girl. By the time she reached the edge of the woods Amity’s pace quickened. As soon as the owl house came into view, she began to slow down. Oddly, King was outside. There were scattered band-aid wrappers drifting away from him and past Amity. Some even floating towards the ocean. She shuddered at the breeze, a reminder that the days were becoming chillier, and that she had forgotten her coat at home. King appeared too busy to realize Amity was walking upon him. Hooty had fresh scratches on him, which King placed band-aids over. “You know she didn’t mean it, something just uh, different for now.” King tried to reassure the cowering owl door. The sound of crashing caught Amity’s attention as well as Kings. They both looked up towards the second floor where rattling could be heard. “Is everything alright?” Amity finally spoke up, causing King to jump and Hooty to hiss in surprise. “Danger! More danger!” The owl cried, still not forgetting when Amity had released her furry upon the door two years ago. Honestly, she thought things had gotten better between them, thus something must have happened to cause the door to be so shaken. “Uh, yeah, what brings you here?” King asked, turning his full attention to Amity. “I came to drop off Luz’s homework since she never came to school all week,” Amity claimed, shifting her backpack off her shoulders.

“Welp, thanks for that uh, greenie? I can give that to Luz!” He stated, jumping up to grab the bag from Amity, who quickly held it out of his reach. King glared at her. “What’s the big idea!” He barked, continuing to jump as if he would somehow jump high enough to reach that bag. “Can I please see Luz?” Amity tried her best to keep her temper under wraps. King finally stopped jumping, a long “Um” escaping him and causing a brow to rise in curiosity on Amity’s face. “King, who are you talking to?” Eda’s voice caught both their attention as she threw the door open. She looked tired and her hair disheveled. Her eyes widened. “Oh, it’s you.” She stated rather tiredly. Did these people just forget her name or something? “Edalyn who’s at the door?” Lilith asked from the couch, leaning over the side just a bit to see past her sister. Her eyes widened. “Amity? What brings you here?” She asked, placing some documents on a small table that had been move beside the couch over the past two years.

Amity’s eyes couldn’t help but follow the papers her old mentor had placed down. More so what caught her attention was that by the way she had placed them signaled she had the papers upside down when she was originally holding them. Odd. “I’m here to see Luz. She wasn’t at school all week, so I brought her homework and was going to see if she needed any help.” Amity stated while opening the bag and pulling out the homework. Eda and Lilith exchanged a look. “We can give that to Luz for your Amity,” Lilith claimed as she stood from the couch. Amity was quick to notice the woman nudge what appeared to be a book further under the piece of furniture. Something was off. “May I ask why I can’t see her? Is she sick?” Worry was clear in Amity’s voice as she asked. “Yep, got a bad human sickness or something. I blame it on this one here’s cooking.” Eda tried to joke and even nudged her older sister who simply glared at her.

“The human is just feeling a little under the weather. However, she may not be-” Lilith was cut off at the sound of a loud banging coming from upstairs. Everyone looked up to stare at the ceiling for a moment before the rustling calmed down, though it was clear someone was walking above them. “Yeah, she sounds very bedridden,” Amity stated with a bit of venom laced behind her words. Eda glared at the girl, though Lilith placed a hand on her shoulder. A warning as to hold her tongue. Eda sighed, “Listen, kid, Luz isn’t doing so hot right now-” another loud bang echoed throughout the house “And she probably won’t be for a while.” The witch claimed. Amity shifted her gaze away from the witches to stare in between them. From what she could see the house was a wreck. The couch had claw marks, there were torn and tattered books and pieces of fabric that littered the floor as well. Her eyes narrowed, was that a large hole in the window behind the table? “Did someone try to break in?” Amity once again questioned. The sisters shared a look once more, a motion that was steadily beginning to irritate Amity.

The sounds continued to pick up whenever everything went quiet, however, Amity was noticing that when she spoke, the sounds would stop for a while. As if on cue, the sounds of scratching at wood interrupted the sisters. “So, what exactly do you have up there with Luz?” The teen asked with a raised brow. Once again, the sounds stopped, causing the sisters to exchange a look. “Nothing of importance. Just an old house, don’t you know they creak and moan?” Lilith claimed, shifting closer to Eda to block Amity’s view of the house further. As soon as she finished speaking, the sounds picked up, the clawing seeming to intensify. “Yeah, you’ve been here plenty of times! You know the sounds this house can make.” Eda chuckled, which earned her a rather sour look from Lilith. Amity mulled the words she wished to use next over in her head.

What caught her attention though was the sound of a rather loud sniffing? It was clear whatever creature was above them was trying to figure out something or had the scent of something it was trying to get to. Once it stopped sniffing the scratching began once again. “I think you should go,” Eda claimed, reaching for the bookbag that Amity held in her hands. Before Amity could register what had just happened, the white-haired witch slammed the door in her face. Amity stared wide eyes as she came face to face with a concerned and battered Hooty. She listened as Lilith scolded Eda for her rude behavior, though their voices began to drown out as they took their arguing further into the house. Hooty took in Amity’s upset expression. “There there, it’s okay!” Hooty stated, wrapping its body around Amity once. She wanted nothing more than to shove the bird tube away, but at the same time, she was trying to wrap her head around what just happened.

“Luz isn’t feeling too well, and it’s not really good for her to be out and about, hoot!” Hooty claimed, its eyes shifting to the side of the house where Luz's bedroom was located. “Is-,” Amity’s voice got caught in her throat. She basically knew nothing about the diseases and sicknesses humans caught. “Is she going to make it?” Amity asked with clear concern of what the answer would be. Hooty’s eyes widened, its normal smile once again appearing. “Of course! Luz is going to be fine once Eda and Lilith sort everything out, hoot!” Hooty stated with such confidence Amity couldn’t help but feel a bit better. “Really?” She asked, happy that she was getting a bit of information out of the house at least. “Yep! Eda’s been dealing with the same thing for years! Hoot!” Hooty nuzzled its face against Amity’s who just seemed lost and confused at his statement.

“Welp, you don’t worry too hard about it! I’m sure you’ll see Luz soon when everything is better!” The owl pulled away from Amity as it spoke, once again appearing as just a face in the door. Amity remained standing; the ruckus upstairs having faded away as background noise by now. She was tempted to continue questioning the bird tube, however, quickly concluded that it would not be much help. It was currently trying to reach a spider that was crawling down its web with the weak attempt of grabbing it with its tongue. Amity slowly backed away, deciding it would be best to return home. She had spent a good bit of her day with her mother, much to her displeasure, though felt it would be best to return home before her parents made it back from their party. Plus, the wind was beginning to pick up as well as the chill in the air.

She spared the house one last glance, even moving closer to the cliff to see if she could peer up at Luz’s window. Oddly, it was boarded up, only adding to Amity’s concern. Taking a deep breath, Amity was quick to turn around and head back home. She was sure once everything was said and done with, Luz would explain herself. Amity had to admit to herself that she felt relieved that Luz wasn’t avoiding her on purpose nor their group of friends. She continued down the normal path, though turned onto a new one that she had found which was a quicker way to her home. She hummed at the memories of all the times she had taken it as she slipped away from the owl house to go home. Her mind was occupied to the point she didn’t realize how late it had gotten and how close she was to getting home. The old money houses that littered her neighborhood came into view.

Most of the houses were lit up due to the darkness that had begun to cover Bonesborough, which brought a sense of relief upon Amity that she was nearly home. Her parents wouldn’t be back till later that night, which meant she could do as she pleased. Getting a warm cup of boiling chocolate sounded delightful, something to bite the chill in the air. Maybe she could even convince the twins not to bother her and instead allow her to watch a movie with them. The ideas of what she could do when she got home began to run through her mind. It was so rare for her to feel like she could be herself at home.

Little did she know that a creature lurked close behind, its snout pressed to the ground as it sniffed furiously. The creature had been tracking her, for quite some time. Its speed picked up as Amity’s scent got stronger. The green-haired witch never ever realized what was coming. The only time she registered anything is when the sound of breaking sticks and running caught her attention and she was shoved off the path by a large body and into the darkening woods on the other side.

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Thank you for reading and please feel free to leave a comment!

[artificialqueens]

The Parent Trap, Chapter 9 (Biadore) - Henny

A/N: Thank you for the comments, Hennies! Y’all are making me feel like Ariel in the beginning of Little Mermaid 2 :> I missed all of you too! Sorry if there was a problem with the formatting of the previous chapter; completely my fault!

OH, and if you’re confused with the timeline, I’ll simplify it for you:

RPDR Season 6 (filming) ended around Mid-July of 2013 (assuming it takes about a year or so before it is released). January 2014; Roy and Danny started dating. 6 months after that, June 2014, a month after Bianca wins, they get married. A year later, the couple gets baby fever, so they start looking for the perfect surrogate and egg donor. This is where I deflect a bit from the prologue, it takes them until May 2016 to conceive.

TLDR; the fic takes place July 2026, and RPDR is currently airing S19 with THE AS:BoTW filming the very same year . If I had said anything contrary to those stated above, disregard it. This is the new timeline I’m going to follow going forward.

All the love, Hennies!

XOXO, Henny

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Well, would you be interested in joining the first All-Stars: Battle of the Winners in place of Bianca?”

The way Adore gaped at her phone was almost comedic, mouth opening and closing like a fish. In some way, she’s almost flattered at the fact that Ru called personally instead of a producer. It’s almost very considerate, since the man knew what had gone between Danny and Roy.

“Well, last time I checked, you didn’t crown me, Mama…” Adore adds a teasing tone to her voice, and tries to ignore the nerves that seemed to resurface at the idea of returning back to the competition. It’s been many years since Season 6, and Adore has genuinely forgotten how it feels to be on a platform like that again. Focusing on her music as both Adore and Danny has shifted the focus of her career as a drag queen and performer; and with many seasons passed, she knew her charm has run dry with Drag Race fans.

Ru laughs, the iconic shrill making Adore spiral back into the werkroom. “I didn’t, didn’t I?” He laughs again, and Adore can only imagine him wiping a fake tear. “But, I am planning to release the footage of you and Bianca winning to prove that my decision to invite you has some bearing, at the least.”

Adore inwardly groans again, remembering the night of the finale wherein they filmed the ending of her and Bianca winning together. She feels the ghost of Bianca’s hands squeezing her own as they waved and the sparkly confetti rains and glitters of lights from cameras blinded their eyes; applause and cheers roaring in their ears.

“What will the other queens say? The winners, I mean. It’s not like they’ll consider me a winner, especially the newer queens.” Ever the anxious person that she is, she finds a brush to fiddle with to lessen her anxiety.

“My competition, my rules. Whatever I say goes, Baby. They can say whatever they want, but if they’re smart enough, they’ll pipe up. And, besides…” Ru trails off excitedly, like they were sharing a secret. “Since this is only a Netflix special, I’m only doing the first decade season winners. I’m sure they’ll be nicer to you than recent ones.“

“All of them said yes?”

“All, but one, you already know…”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“So, what do you say?”

“I- I don’t know, Ru. I’ll think about it…”

“Of course, let the producers know soon, alright? Filming starts October! Toodles!”

The call ends, and it takes everything in Adore’s willpower not to throw it to the wall. She looks at her phone’s lock screen and sees the beaming face of Portia, and she manages to calm down. She stands up, grabs a pre-rolled joint in her makeup kit, and heads out of the building after shouting to the manager to inform him about her whereabouts. She normally didn’t do this anymore; smoking, hard liquor, and even hooking up with trades that come her way. Portia had completely turned her life around, and so did Roy and Nerissa. “Fuck,” Tears fill her eyes again at the thought of her daughter who she no longer knew, she sniffles as she takes a long drag of her joint and breathing out harshly.

A tall figure looms over her, and with a tap on her shoulder, she nearly doubled over in fear. “What the fuckkk…” She groans, clutching her heart.

“Oh, sorry… Didn’t mean to scare you.” Adore looks up to meet the steel eyes of a blonde stud with a smug smile on his face.

“Shit, I know you…” Adore murmurs in thought, before she remembers “You’re Brooke, right?”

“Brooke Lynn Hytes, yeah.” He flashes her a beautiful, gorgeous smile, pearly whites and all. “…But right now, uhh,” He looks down to his jeans and plain gray shirt, “You can call me, Brock.”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Okay, give me another one.” Portia looks at her cards, one five of hearts and the other six of spades. It was really late and they just finished washing the dishes of the entire camp after dinner. Not tired from their post-cry-emotional nap earlier, they had decided to play a game of Blackjack. Nerissa deals her another card, and picks one for herself. Portia peaks at the new card, and sees her nine of spades. She joins the cards together, and places them down in triumph.

“20, let’s see yours, Haylock.”

Nerissa drops her cards, a jack of diamonds, two of clubs, and nine of clubs. “Blackjack, bitchh…” She taunts, laughing at Portia’s dismayed face.

“That’s not fucking fair…” Portia drawls, “That’s your 9th time winning, I think you’re cheating…”

“Oh, please. You just play your cards wrong, and sometimes, I’m just really lucky…” Nerissa beams as she watches Portia fix the cards and put it back in their case, murmuring “I don’t want to play anymore.”

“It’s getting pretty late, too. I think we should go to bed.” Nerissa yawns as she grabs her blanket and tries to settle herself in. Portia agrees before standing up to lock their door; to make sure the windows are tightly shut; and to turn off the light. The moon shines at its brightest, a cool silver light shimmers through their window.

“I know it’s late, but I’m not even remotely sleepy.” Portia comments despite the yawn the escapes her.

“Same here,” Nerissa says with droopy eyes.

“Tell me, what’s Bianca like? No… noo…What’s dad like?” Portia asks, adjusting herself so she faces her sister. The mere idea of having a sister and having Roy Haylock AKA Bianca Del Rio, THE Bianca Del Rio is possibly 50% her dad makes her more giddy than anything in the world.

“Dad is probably the most workaholic person you’ll ever meet. He’ll make time for you, yes. But, you can tell that 75% of his mind is just…” Nerissa sighs, “exhausted, if not thinking about work… He really tries though, he hasn’t missed any of my ballet recitals yet nor any PTAs. He’s as active as a busy parent can be.”

“That’s good, I guess…” A hum of agreement, another yawn.

“And not to mention, the free dresses.” She giggles, “How ‘bout our other dad?” Nerissa turns to lie on her back, thinking about her dad who she hasn’t updated in awhile, even though she promised to do so everyday. A sudden urge to hug her dad courses through her body, and subtle pout forms at her lips at the thought of Roy. She missed her dad, she’s still upset about the whole not-telling-her-she-was-a-twin-thing, but she missed him nonetheless.

“He’s pretty chill. I can do anything I want,”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, my dad’s pretty cool. We have the kind of relationship where I can tell him things and… he can tell me things. He’s my best friend, so we just have fun most of the time.” Portia says with mere awe. “But, it wasn’t always like that. There was a time though where he was pretty down in the dumps; he didn’t really have the best mental health back then and his coping mechanism–”

“Hey, this seems kinda personal. You don’t have to tell me this, okay? Only if you’re comfortable doing so.” Nerissa says, her arm crossing its way to pat Portia’s tummy to stop her thought.

“No, no… You’re my sister, and I trust you enough.”

“Okay, if you’re sure… So you were saying?

“Yeah, so, he didn’t have the best coping mechanism. Alcohol is tricky when it gets out of hand. I didn’t mind at first, because I didn’t think it was that bad. I didn’t notice the signs because I was so young. It was only one incident, really, when I understood the gravity of it all. Around June, he nearly drank himself to death. I don’t know why he drank severely that night, but I just found him passed out on his own–” Portia chokes as tears start up with the memory of seeing her dad then. “I was only four then, Riz. I didn’t know what death was, but the minute I saw him– It just rationalized so quickly in my head. I called 911 as fast as I could. I didn’t know what I was saying half the time ‘cuz I was just crying.”

Nerissa places a comforting hand on Portia’s arm as the girl tries to fight the sniffles. When Portia manages to barely win against the tears, she continues, “When we were in the hospital, I was with my Grandma and there was another man, I– I don’t know who, from what I can remember– we didn’t know if my dad was gonna make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Porsche.”

“No, no… It’s fine. Just sucks to remember it. But, he managed to pull through, obviously. He hasn’t drank alcohol in years. So, I’m really proud of him, especially in his line of work, it must be so hard.”

“Yeah, as his 50%-chance daughter and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of him, too. “

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

When Courtney heard the rumors going around backstage that night, she had about ten shots of tequila before coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t tell Roy. But, funny how alcohol works out.

“Yanxxxxx��� Courtney drawls out on her phone that she’s struggling to hold up to her ear. But the effort was there. She has absolutely no idea where she is as she presses her warm cheek to the cold faux leather seat of a couch.

“Bitch, did you really just– What?” Roy rolls his eyes as he looks at his phone that hosts Courtney’s current call and the said-blonde on his couch, drooling and staring off into space.

“I gotta–” hiccup “tell you a ssssecret.” Courtney angles her phone to her mouth, so she’s directly speaking to the phone’s microphone. Roy walks over to the drunk girl, grabs her phone and throws it in her purse. He ends the call on his phone before slipping to the kitchen, grabbing a towel and soaking it with cold water. He gives it a good squeeze to remove the excess water before going back to Courtney and placing the towel on her forehead.

“You’re so lucky Riz isn’t here or I would’ve left your drunk ass in the club.” He mutters in annoyance, even though everyone knew he wouldn’t really do that. He could never let anything happen to any of his loved ones, and god knows Riz has seen Courtney or Shane pissed drunk since she was a toddler.

“No,” Courtney says abruptly, hand swatting away Roy’s hand. “Nooooo…” She continues to drawl. “The secret is Ado…” She leans in close, way too close. Roy gets a harsh flashback and hastily pushes Courtney away. With the push, Courtney plops on her back and passes out entirely. Roy sighs, both in frustration and exhaustion. He wouldn’t bother removing Courtney’s makeup, but he did give her the courtesy of removing her wig and cap, as well as unlacing her corset. It all feels familiar to him, taking care of someone and helping them de-drag, except of course, back then he had to strip Bianca off himself and help Danny remove his clothes which then would lead to…

Roy shakes his mind, trying to get rid of the idea before it escalated. He leaves the guest bedroom and makes his way to the kitchen for a glass of wine. He’s just going to pretend he doesn’t know that Courtney was about to say something about Adore as he starts up a design for Rupaul on the granite kitchen counter.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“I can’t believe Biadore was ACTUALLY a thing.”

“How can you not? The tension was so obvious, especially during that one part where Adore said she didn’t want to work with Bianca? The sexual tension was just–” Nerissa fans herself before she receives a slight smack and push on her shoulder.

“Dude, you’re so fucking weird. I don’t wanna think about my dad’s sex life OR YOURS!!”

“I’m just telling the truth! The stare was intense.” Nerissa breaks into a fit of giggles at Portia’s face of slight disgust at the idea. “And speaking of, did your dad date anyone again?” Nerissa asks.

“Never anyone serious enough to introduce to me, no. He’d go on dates, sometimes Adore would go on dates. But, yeah. He never really seemed interested in dating anymore, so he put all his attention to me or his and Adore’s music.”

“Do you call Adore “mom”?”

“No, that’s weird!” Portia snorts, “My dad is, well, my dad. He has his own quirks and personality. And, Adore, to me, is just a whole different person. I can’t explain it. Like, I know he’s Adore Delano through and through. But, my mind just sees Adore like a whole different person.” Portia rolls again to her back, so she’s facing the ceiling like her sister. “How about your dad? Did he date anyone?”

“You know what’s weird? I don’t think he ever did, not even dating or flirting with anyone else. He’s always been so closed off to anyone who showed any particular interest.” Nerissa twiddles with her thumb, before scrunching her nose in distaste. “I mean, in some way, I get it. He’s scared to love again. Uncle Shane always said so. I wish I knew why though.”

Portia hums, thoughtfully. Another pregnant pause looms over their conversation. It has gone on for so long that for a moment Nerissa thought Portia was asleep, until…

“I AM SUCH A FUCKING GENIUS!”

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight |

[dontyoudarejudgemesworld]

Another one already, but only because I’m stuck in bed with a cold.

So here is Chapter two of The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far. Once again you can click here if you want to read it on AO3.  Not too much more to say about it, besides in general I hope to get one or two chapters up a week but wont make any promises. Real life is chaos and I have most of the fic written however it currently resides in a handful of note books so transcribing it is the name of the game. And with that allow me to fling yet another chapter of an insignificant fic int yawning void that is the internet

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The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far Chapter Two: One Conversation 

“Soos watch the Shack. I’m going out,” Stan barked as he headed out the door. The young man’s surprised but excited affirmative barely registered as he climbed into the Diablo and started it up. This was insane, it was noon on a Saturday in peak tourist season he should be leading tours and fleecing rubes. He shouldn't even be bothering with the woman. As far as she and the rest of the world were concerned Stanley was dead. The woman had already given him a free pass. She’d told him she’d understand if he didn’t come looking for her and bowed out. He had too many things on his plate; he had a lie to maintain to the world while trying to figure out the damned portal. She’d said he’d never see her again and he honestly believed her.

And that was why he was doing this wasn’t it? Because he couldn’t just leave well enough alone. He was far too curious, he’d always wanted kids when he was younger. He’d secretly wanted the whole shebang; a sweet little wife, a few kids, a house down the street from Sixer and his research. Of course that had derailed when he’d been kicked out and he realized he wasn’t exactly fatherly material. Worthless just like the old man said.

In retrospect he should have considered he might have a kid out there somewhere. He had spent many night is beds that weren't his own in search of warmth or some kind of fleeting companionship. And while he had normally taken steps to prevent such an outcome he had slipped up a few times. And with a list of one night stands a long as a New York phone book the odds had stacked against him. Still it hadn't really been a thought until last night when Stanley Pine’s illegitimate daughter came knocking on his door. His daughter.

The thought was still like a cold bucket of water every time. At first he’d tried to figure out how it wasn’t true. The test had been wrong after all paternity test were only 99.9% positive. She didn’t look that much like his mother her eyes had been brown like Ford’s and his. And the fact that she had six fingers…that was just a coincidence. Yeah, and pigs could fly while singing opera. He’d tried all night to find a lie convincing enough, but had failed miserably. Turned out 40 years of lying about everything wasn’t even enough practice when his own child was staring into his face.

And how the hell had she even found him? Seriously he hadn't gone by Stanley Pines for years especially when it came to women. Couldn’t risk dragging them into the shit show that was his life from the poor decision to spend a night or two with him. Yet somehow she’d not only managed to find out who he was but to track his ‘brother’ down in the middle of nowhere with proof. How the hell had she managed that? What kind of ‘friends’ did she have that obtaining federal evidence was possible? Was that even legal?

Not that she looked like she would have a problem if it wasn’t. While he knew that reading a book by its cover was never a good idea she looked rough. It wasn’t just her appearance either. There had been a hardness to her eyes that he knew too well came from years of running in dark alleys and knowing all the wrong people. And her voice had an edge to it beneath that southern drawl she had. The kind of edge that spoke of slit throats, gun fights, and darkness.

Pulling into the Twin Bed’s parking lot he spotted her bike in front of room six. He was sure there was some kind of irony or poetry or whatever in that. Shifting into park he took a deep breath.

One conversation to get some answers. That was all. He needed to know how she found him, after all if she’d dome it maybe someone else could. Sure, she thought he was Ford, but still his past coming back to haunt him in anyway was the last thing he need. That was why he was here…for answers.

Wow… a lie he almost believed.

“You can do this, Stanley. In and out,” he said as he switched off the car, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out. This was insane. He should just leave the woman be, he didn’t need more complications. Besides what could he give her besides trouble. Shaking himself his hand raised to start the car but the door to room six opened and he froze. His daughter stepped out shoving unruly black curls out of her face as she squinted up at the sun. Shaking her head she pulled something out of her pocket and lit a cigarette. Slouching against the wall she rolled her shoulders and stared off into the woods and Stan knew he couldn’t leave. Groaning he climbed out of the car and slammed the door causing her head to snap over to his direction. He froze for a split second feeling her eyes boring into him.

Smoothing his face into his mask he strode towards her calm and collected even as his brain screamed for him to run the other direction. Twenty seven steps is what it took to reach her. For a moment they just stood staring at each other before she exhaled a cloud of smoke away from him. “Well, if I was a betting woman I’d have lost,” she said with a smirk, “So…uhhh nice day, huh?”

“Uhhhh yeah real…uhhhh sunny,” he replied rubbing the back of his neck nervously. A heavy silence descended as they stared at each other. A few awkward moments passed before she stubbed the cigarette out on her boot and cleared her throat. “Look I think I’m gonna need a beer for this. You?” she said cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he said and relief flashed on her face and he let out the breath he’d been holding. “Well come on in,” she said as she opened the door to her room. It was small and tidy with a twin bed and a dressed with an old TV perched on top of it. In the corner was a small table with two chairs and a mini fridge. Walking over she pulled two bottles out and popped the tops before sitting down and sliding one over towards him. Taking a seat he nodded his gratitude as he picked it up as she took a long sip of her own. Following suit he stared at her wondering how he had missed how much she looked like Ma. “So I’m sure you have a million questions so go ahead and ask away,” she said and he considered where to start.

“Sure, so uhhh how’d you find me? I mean Stanley wasn’t exactly…,” he trailed off causing her to smile.

“Forth coming with his identity,” she finished for him chuckling, “Well yeah it took a while. He told my mother his name was Stetson Pinesworth,” she admitted, “But I’m a professional P.I. so I was able to follow the strings. Once I chased down his real name it was relatively easy to find you and your older brother Sherman. I considered not going any further but…,” she shrugged, “I thought y’all might want to know that Stanley had some small part of him out there even though it seems like…he was a bit of a black sheep so to say. And I chose to come find you instead of Sherman because I figured with you being a genius and all you could make a call on if Sherman and his kid needed to know. Plus I admit I was curious of what my father looked like and since you’re twins…,” she told him with a shrug and and awkward smile as she took another drink. Letting out a huff of laughter at that he grinned back. He noticed that her words were more precise then yesterday and that her accent seemed to all but disappear. So this is her professional voice, he thought taking another small sip.

“Well sorry it couldn’t be more appealing kid. I wish I could say you got lucky and took after your mother but truth is you look like our Ma when she was young,” he said and she laughed putting him a bit more at ease.

“T’ain’t that bad. It takes a special kind a looks to rock a fez,” she added with a smirk a bit of her drawl slipping through. “Hey it sells the Mr. Mystery a bit more,” he replied, “So yur ma was…,” he asked and she scowled slightly.

“Mary Pisano. She wasn’t…the motherly type. Drink and drugs were way more interesting then her kids. Far as I can guess she got her claws into your brother at a bar and had some fun. I wouldn’t judge him too harshly if I were you though she was real good at that sort of thing. Poor sap probably had no idea what he was getting into,” she told him her voice hard and each word sharp, “She doesn’t really matter. By the time I was nine I was in the foster system. So there isn’t really much to know there,” she added and he took the hint that that wasn’t a subject she was real keen on talking about. Taking a drink he tried to remember her mother but the name meant nothing to him. He wished that he could honestly say that she’d been something special to him, one of the ones worth remembering but no. Just another nameless port of comfort in the sea of misery that was his life.

“Yeah, well he was a bit of a hound,” he said quickly taking another drink to cover his own discomfort.

“Like I said I cant blame him. She was beautiful and that can make any man stumble from time to time,” she said with a smile that he returned. For some reason  the fact that she seemed to honestly mean those words made him feel a bit relieved that he didn’t recall her mother.  

“I suppose that’s right. After all there’s a million stories about men doing dumb shit because of a pretty girl. So you got any questions for me?” he asked and she shrugged.

“I mean yeah a million but I cant really think of them now. Like I said I never really expected you to come ‘round, and I would imagine you cant answer most of them since you ain’t him,” she admitted, “I guess…I really just want to know if he was a good man,” she said after a long moment of consideration. He felt his face fall at that. He wasn’t a good man, he was a liar that sold junk to tourists. And before he’d been…well just about everything except a good man.

“Well…,” he began but she waved her hand to silence him.

“Before you go getting all squirrelly on me I literally have a collection of files on his criminal record. He was a con among other things I know that. But just because he was a criminal doesn't mean that he was a bad man,” she told him and he felt his face twist in confusion causing her to let out a low chuckle, “Look I know that just because someone was a criminal doesn't mean they were all bad. You do what you gotta to survive. So I ain’t askin’ if he was law abidin’ I’m askin’ if he was a good man? If he had a good heart,” she explained and he stared at her mouth slightly agape for a long moment. He’d never though of it like that. Was he a good man? He certainly tried to be but he felt like he’d failed. Sure he’d never hurt anyone he didn’t have to or stolen from people who couldn’t afford it. But still…

“He tried to be,” he said finally, “I mean his heart was in the right place but it always seemed to go wrong. He wanted to make things right for the family but seemed to just fall from one bad situation to the next.I don’t know if that makes him good or not,” he added finally and she nodded.

“I would think it did. I mean my opinion is to judge more by intent not out come generally,” she said with a soft sigh, “The saying is that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I cant dismiss the intent just because the final destination sucks,” she told him evenly They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before she finished her drink and rose to get another. He watched her move to the fridge considering her. It was strange to him that she seemed so nonpulse about the whole thing. What kind of life had she led that she could calmly dismiss his criminal record so easily?

“I see you had your extra finger removed,” she said finally breaking the silence and pulling him from his thoughts. Looking up at her he realized that she was looking at the ‘surgical scars’ he’d given himself after the funeral. He’d done it because he was tired of wearing those damned gloves all the time around the family.

“Uhhh….yeah. They were starting to lock up and I figured it would be better to do it before they got real bad,” he said quickly hoping that she didn’t see right through the lie. She seemed to be able to read him, and he guessed if she was a PI she would have to be able to tell a lie when she heard one.

“Makes since. I mean I only have it on my left hand but the docs warned me that it was prone to arthritis. Figure I’ll deal with it if it happens until then,” she shrugged and he was a bit relieved that he had chosen the right excuse. “So I gotta say you’re pleasant enough to talk to but I’m thinkin’ maybe I ain’t ready for your brother and his family just yet,” she admitted suddenly and he blinked in surprise.

“What? Why?” he asked wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“It isn’t you,” she laughed seeming to read his feelings again, “It’s me. I’ve always been out on my own. Which was fine. I’m a big girl, but I’m finding talking to you is…a lot. His family seems pretty close knit where as you seem a bit more of a loner…another reason I decided to talk to you. The idea of being introduced to any more of you right now is…Unsettling. If you even think that he would care,” she told him with a grin.

“Shermie is a big softy, he’d love to have you around,” he assured he quickly, “I suppose you could say he’s the sentimental one out of us. But yeah I can see where you’re coming from,” he admitted thinking about it for a moment. Shermie had always been the glue the bound them together. He’d always made sure to stay in touch and insisted that Stan had a relationship with his nephew and the twins (to the point that violence had been threatened if he didn’t show up at family gatherings at least once in a while). After he’d faked his own death Sherman had seemed even more hell bent to keep keep the family together, if he found out that his ‘dead’ little brother had a daughter she’d be dragged into the fold kicking and screaming if necessary. And when Stan considered what she’d just said he could only imagine how uncomfortable that would be for her.

She gave him a grateful smile and opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by her stomach letting out a loud gurgling sound. He almost laughed out loud as she pressed her hand lightly to her stomach her cheeks coloring a bit like a guilty child.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten in..,” she paused appearing to think about it for a moment, “…a while? Time has gotten away from me lately,” she finished lamely. Cocking an eyebrow he gave an amused smile as he shook his head.

“Day drinking on an empty stomach, huh?” he said rhetorically as he stood up, ”Not a bright idea there kid. Come on. I’ll show you the best place in town,” he offered,”We can continue awkwardly staring at each other over food,” he added and she let out a bark of laughter that broke the tension he hadn’t realized had descended on them.

[shenanigans-academia]

End of Season 3

Last one! Then I’ll shut up until October

Episode 51: Moving Into Dorms

•”I won’t make you worry, Mom” Izuku don’t life to your mother like that

•”She reminds me of my predecessor”

“What why?”

“It’s the hairstyle” All Might asbsjienb

•I LOVE THESE KIDS SO DAMN MUCH

•I genuinely just want like a spin off of the kids in the dorms. Like them just being super powered teenagers living together and being KIDS like. Please. Living with all your friends with powers? What could go wrong...? Think of the shenanigans

•Aizawa laying down the hammer wow

•I. Love. Kaminari. Jirou leave him alone

•BAKUGO AND KIRISHIMA I LOVE THEM OKAY

•Kirishima is Best Boi

•Uraraka falling over from shock the entire time and Iida freaking out is so cute

•MIDORIYA’S ROOM IM CRYING

•Tokoyami’s is badass leave him be he tried so hard

•Mineta no

•Leave Ojiro alone he’s comfortable

•Kaminari’s room is literally any teenage boy room. I knew at least 4 guys who had a room almost exactly like that lmao

•I FORGOT KODA HAD A BUNNY

•The girls are outnumbered. Hate when Mineta’s right

•Bakugo is such an old man he’s already asleep I love a sleepy sad Boi

•Mineta:”I knew I’d get in trouble if just I suggested seeing the girls dorms now I have people to back me up!”

Todoroki:”I’m over it”

•Honestly Kirishima’s isn’t that bad y’all are just mean (except you Uraraka you get it)

•”If I found out my boyfriend had a room like this I’d dump him” HAGAKURE WHAT THE HECK

•Shouji... honey. Your bed isn’t even made. And they thought Ojiro’s was plain

•Okay Sero’s is cool “yup that’s me, always the wild card” god I love you

•Todoroki’s is so cozy

•Sato is so. Sweet lmao we need more of him

•Jirou is so punk I LOVE HER

•Hagakure. So. Pink

•Mina. So. Hot Pink

•Ojiro is so polite he’s so good

•I need Momo’s bed

•LMAO SERO WRAPPED UP MINETA WHEN HE WAS BEING PERVY WE LOVE TAPE BOY

•YEAH SATO WON

•Intervention time

•Tsuyu is so pure she deserves so much

•YALL MADE TSUYU CRY IMMA FIGHT

•KIRISHIMA APOLOGIZING AND SAYING HE WONT MAKE HER SAD AGAIN WARMS MY HEART they’re all so pure

Episode 52: Create Those Ultimate Moves

•Mido forgetting he was in the dorm is kinda cute he’s like wait this isn’t my room at home

•”That’s 2 questions. Calm down” Iida it’s too early for this and Aizawa is a tired man

•Everyone’s so intense. Then Mido is just like...I can’t move my arms what the fuck do you want from me

•”How can I fight with these damaged arms?” Well everybody told you NOT to break your bones, Deku

•ALL MIGHT HAVING A TEACHING FOR DUMMIES BOOK IM CRYING

•Lmao they just blew up Midoriya

•Nobody:

Mido and Uraraka: BOOOOOOBS

•”I’m Tenya Iida, the man you tricked into to being a walking billboard for you at the Sports Festival!”

“NEVER HEARD OF YA” Hatsume has no chill

•Hatsume doesn’t know personal space lmao

•”My quirk is in my legs you mad woman” Iida is done

•AND MIDORIYA JUST REALIZED HE HAD LEGS LMAO

•Mido is so soft for his mom’s costume I love it

•Bakugo is literally trying to kill somebody

•”If I’m so worried about using my arms then I’m use my LEGS” what happens when you break your legs again honey THINK

Episode 53: The Test

•Gotta protect those stupid red shoes

•I live for Kami’s choker. But Kiri you added sleeves. But still. No. Shirt. Honey

•Tsuyu’s hair up is *chef’s kiss*

•The girls talking about boys like regular teenagers I love it

•”ITS A BOY ISN’T IT IS IT MIDORIYA OR IIDA YOURE ALWAYS HANGING OUT WITH THEM WHICH ONE IS IT” Minaaaaaaa lmao she doesn’t mess around

•Cue Uraraka watching Deku lmao “it’s not it” SWEETIE YES IT IISSSSSSS

•Inasa is Iida x1000 and with WAY too much caffeine

•Erasure is too emo for love lmao

•”Think about it Erasure, if I was your wife your future would be a life of constant laughter”

“That sounds like a legitimate nightmare” god I love this grumpy man

•I do love Joke and Aizawa’s “friendship” if you want to call it that lmao

•IT’S DEKUS TWIN

•”This charming pretty boy is going to steal our girls” You’re right Kaminari he is

•”Please date me”

“Shut up” I’m both Ms. Joke and Aizawa

•Aizawa has so much faith in his class he’s like I’m not worried about my little shits just watch

Episode 53: Shiketsu High Lurking

•JIROOUUUUUUU

•”PROTECT THIS PERV” Mina is my favorite 1A girl I’m not sorry

•Shindo is slutty Deku and I love him

•I am the commentator wow

•”I don’t know why but I’m actually getting pretty excited about this” of course you are Midoriya you big quirk nerd

•”In order to help others you have to be able to take care of yourself” DEKU SAID SELF CARE

•”Midoriya what is this enviable situation you fight yourself in” Serooooo why

•We’re gettin some good Sero content thank god

•Lmao there’s a ninja school

Episode 55: Class 1A

•Todoroki is. As you say. A Badass

•Inasa:”Wait what were we talking about!?”

Poor Random Kid:”I don’t know. You just came up and started talking...”

•This is literally Anime Hunger Games

•Shouji holding Tsuyu is. So pure

•SHOUJI YELPING AND TURNING AROUND WHEN MOMO OPENS HER SHIRT TO USE HER QUIRK HES SUCH A GOOD RESPECTFUL BOY

•The power group we don’t deserve: Momo, Jirou, Tsuyu, and Shouji

•KAMI AND KIRI FOLLOWING BAKUGO MAKES ME SO HAPPY they love to annoy him and it works but they work so well together love Bakusquad

•GOOEY KIRI IS GROSS LMAO

•Aizawa basically saying Mido and Bakugo are the leaders who help the class work better the most and that he’s honored to teach them is PEAK

Episode 56: RUSH!

•Sooo Shindo’s a sneaky bastard I see

•”THIS IS WHY EVERYONES TERRIFIED OF YOU YOU’RE WAY TOO HARDCORE” Kaminari’s right and he should say it

•I need more Baku and Kami interactions tbh

•”Those ugly ass gauntlets of his” love sassy Kami

•DEFEND BAKUGO SQUAD IS AIZAWA/KAMI AND KIRI YES I LOVE MY BOYS

•Oof Mido takes no prisoners

•It does suck that if you don’t pass the Provisional License exam do you just never get your Hero License? Do you only get a set amount of times you can take it?

•Iida has grown so much

•Bakugo knows your secrettttt

•Jirou says fuck Kaminari lives lmao

•GO CLASS 1A ALL OUR KIDS MADE IT

•Aizawa shut up you big softie lmao

Episode 57: Rescue Exercises

•Sero why are you starting shit lmao

•Kirishima and Kaminari following Bakugo just because they want to is my favorite

•Momo stopping Uraraka from acting too quickly is great leadership skills. All these kids have what to takes to be heroes they work so well together and in situations like these I love these kids so much

•Shouji and Mineta are a good team because Shouji keeps Mineta in line and I appreciate it

•The fake bystanders are hilarious

Episode 58: Special Episode: Save The World With Love!

•All Might and David Shield (GAY)

•Bakugo why are you like this

•Midoriya is a giant softie romantic and I fucking love it

•All Might as a villain is just funny he gets so into the roll but he’s also just a bad actor lmao

•Mic needs to tone it down but he’s so funny

•I like Cementos a lot and Midnight is an A1 actress go her

•All Might running away and shattering the kids idea of love is so fucKING FUNNY LMAO

•Nice way to set up the movie

•UNLCE MIGHT

•GAY

•The timeline of this episode is throwing me off tho since this is before Midoriya moves into the dorms

•DadMight and Deku family vacation SO CUTE

•”You are the real heroes” THEY’RE SO PURE HOLY SHIT

Episode 59: What’s the Big Idea?

•Bakugo you need to calm down babe

•Gang Orca came to play damn

•Todoroki and Inasa are so chaotic together oh my god

•Gang Orca is just like what is up with these damn kids

•”It was a shock to meet your father because when I looked into his eyes the only thing I could see was an insatiable anger aimed at the entire world” imagine being raised/trying to live with that hatred, Inasa

•Lmao Todoroki triggered Inasa into not coming to UA. Endeavor loves ruining kids lives doesn’t he

•TELL EM OFF MIDO

•Inasa is so. Weird

•”Why didn’t I remember him? He’s so loud and obnoxious” You were so blinded by hate for your father that you were literally blind to other people in your way sweetie

•LMAO JUST CHOKE A CHILD THEY’LL GROW STRONGER

•Highkey love Shindo ngl

•Team Work Boys come on

•Ojiro my fuckin BOYYYY

•OHHH TSUYU THATS MY GIRL WE LOVE POWER MOVES

•Love Hair Dude

•Gang Orca’s actually impressed wow

Episode 60: A Talk About Your Quirk

•Mido passed yesss All Might Jr lol

•Bakugo and Todoroki. Whomp whomp

•B:”Let me see it [review of the exam]”

Kiri:”Ahh how about you worry about yourself”

Kiri’s like please don’t kill me

•Sero:”Hey looks like I’m pretty great at this” I love you Tape Boy

•I love how Iida just picks Mineta up by his cheeks and takes him away from people when he’s being too much lmao Dad Mode Activated

•Inasa and Todo are such an interesting dynamic. I haven’t read the manga but I know the make up exam happened recently and their interactions always make me laugh

•Kinda forgot about Toga but there were hints that it was her the whole time so it’ll be cool to actually meet Camie later on

•Holding his Prov. Hero License:”I have to show my mom and All Might right away” Izuku I love you precious boy

•oh my god One For All shut the fuck UP

•”I won’t be dying any time soon. Especially not by Shigaraki’s hand” if that is foreshaDOWING IM GONNA CRY IT BETTER NOT BE HIROKOSHI

•”We’re gonna have a talk about your quirk” I’m ready to CRY

•Kiri sleeping is so cute I love his hair down. And Iida sleeps stiff as a board I’m laughing reminds me of a friend of mine

•Bakugo please just. Breathe

Episode 61: Deku VS. Kacchan, Part 2

•MY FAVORITE EPISODE YALL

•Kacchan Hon, Deku doesn’t live just to get in your way in life believe or not

•Bakugo DEFINITELY kinda planned on killing Midoriya AHH

•”Why hurt each other when we could just talk things out?”

Bakugo tries to blow him up instead

•The flashbacks are killing me they were so small

•Bakugo’s voice cracking while talking about his anguish and self blame? That shit HURTED

•When he yells like this he looks like a feral wolf oh my god Kacchan

•Kacchan needs a hug. Too bad he doesn’t understand being comforted by other people. So instead Izuku KICKS HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD WHAT THE FUCK

•Feral Bakugo has been Leveled Up

•”Our relationship to one another is completely screwed up” Oh really Mido what made you think that

•These kids wanna fuckin die

•”It’s obvious you’ve always looked down on me even when we were kids” Bakugo you are a BIG DUMB BLIND BOOMY BOY

•Okay but the animation tho???

•”All Might was my hero but you were the one ACTUALLY IN MY LIFE” WHEN I SAY I SOBBED

•When Bakugo’s crouched and ready to strike, Me:”MA THERES A WEIRD FUCKING CAT OUTSIDE”

•A wild Gremlin is loose Aizawa and All Might come get your kids

•FUCKIN KO BOI

•lmao whoops never mind

•my favorite MHA ship? Bakugou and Therapy

•ALL MIGHT YOU LITERALY JUST WATCHED THEM PUMMEL THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER BRUH

•Bakugo blaming himself for All Might’s retirement? Kill me

•”Sometimes I forget that you’re children” apparently everybody does THEY’RE 15/16!!!

•”Don’t you dare lose again” you are. So confusing

•Baku’s little exhale tho he had so much weight on his shoulders this poor boy

•”If this secret ever got out, people will wonder where the power went. You idiot why did you tell me about it before” Deku’s like I can’t win with him lmao

•THEY’RE PROPER RIVALS NOW I LOVE 2 IDIOT CHILDREN

•Aizawa with his hair in a ponytail and black V neck tho? Oof when I say I love a man...

•Aizawa is done with this class and these 2 problem children in particular lmao

Episode 62: A Season For Encounters

•My boy Twice

•”Your face makes me want to puke” you get used to it rando villain dude...or noT DABI NO

•Dabi. Babe. Bruh. What the fuck

•Twice and Ectoplasm have similar quirks...TODOROKI WHERE ARE YOU

•Overhaul. I’m gonna hate you so much I can tell. Especially for Season 4 I KNOW YOU you creepy Plague Doctor Asshole

•Kirishima trying to comfort Todoroki is adorable

•MONOMA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS LEAVE PONY GIRL ALONE DON’T DRAG HER INTO YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO

•SHINSOUUUUUU “looks like he’s bulked up a bit since the Sports Festival” my boy gettin BUFF since he knows Midoriya could’ve killed him if he wanted to lmao

•Kami playing with Ojiro’s tail gives me life

•...You ain’t nothin but a Hound Dog Lmao

•BIG THREE. BIG THREE. BIG. THREE. MIRIOOOOOOO

•God I love Present Mic

•Sero and Mineta are asking to die I swear

•IIDA CALLING MIDO “HOUSE ARREST” AND DOING A FUNNY VOICE IM CRYING I love sassy Iida where has he been

•The first time I saw the scene of Mirio sticking his head through stuff to scare Mido was on Tumblr before I watched MHA and I was CACKLING AND CONFUSED

•The broccoli head was strong in that frame

•THE. BIG. THREE. AHHHH

Episode 63: Unrivaled

•Sometimes I forget how fucking gross Mineta is. Then he opens his mouth and it all comes flooding back

•”He didn’t do that great a job at the Sports Festival last year. Definitely left a strong impression” being buck ass naked will do that lmao

•I relate to Amajiki Tamaki so. Fuckin. Much. I feel you sweetheart

•LET! SHOUJI! TALK!

•Kaminari you dumb

•”The futures gonna be!?... Awful” Wow. Mirio gets it

•Tamaki if you could get off the wall you could do what Mirio’s trying to teach these kids I love an anxious boy

•Big Tough Boi Kiri is both badass and soft I love a Rock

•Aaaannd Mirio traumatized a bunch of kids with his dick. Mostly Jirou lol

•Aizawa your whole class was just murdered by a wild naked man

•Mirio has a baby face TinTin but is fucking JACKED

•”I tried to make it so that you didn’t see my willy. Sorry if you did” Mirio you’re so cute I’m going to bawl in Season 4 I’m not ready

•Mirio walks so funny

•...who the fuck is Sir???

•Kiri bringing Baku his trash: “Sure I’ll take it!”

Anybody else bringing Baku their trash:some kind of aggressive phrase

•Oh, you. I heard about you. I know what happens to you... this is gonna hurt, huh?

Whelp that’s the end of my rewatch. I can’t wait for Season 4! Is it October yet???

[goodyeartheshippycat]

Tagging Game

Rules: Answer 21 questions about yourself and tag 21 people whom you want to get to know better :)  

Tagged by both @sparkly-things AND @slstarrycity <3

Nickname/Pet name: Don’t really have one. Whatever my partner has decided to refer to me as in a given span of time, I guess. Common fallbacks for that include “clumsy baby giraffe” and “monster”.

Zodiac: Aries/Snake, though I don’t subscribe to astrology of either kind.

Height: Just shy of 6’ tall (182 cm).

Last Movie: Into the Spider-Verse. Highly recommended!

Last Thing Googled: “Shai Utoh shrine treasure” >> clearly a sign I’ve been doing nothing while sick except playing Breath of the Wild. Because I was having a frustrating time reaching the final treasure chest in that shrine and wanted to know what it had in it so I wasn’t needlessly beating my head against my controller over a shitty boomerang or something. Spoiler alert, it had an ancient core in it so I continued to struggle with the challenge of figuring out how to properly launch Link into the air at the correct height to paraglide onto the ledge containing it. But I succeeded in the end! [insert triumphant emoji here]

Favorite Musician: Single musician rather than group? Probably one of the greats from the jazz era. Count Basie or Duke Ellington or Django Reinhardt or Artie Shaw, perhaps.

Song Stuck in Head: Most recently Gaston’s song, but with the lyrics changed to fit Prince Sidon from BOTW (I fell down a YouTube hole of crack, don’t judge me), some of which I couldn’t remember so I just started making up new ones as I hummed it. I’m most proud of “No one thinks like Sidon / No one winks like Sidon / No one lusts after Hylian twinks like Sidon”. (Okay, you can totally judge me and my complete lack of musical talent).

Other Blogs: Nope, I just shove everything onto this one like the heathen I am. Sorry to anyone who follows me for/knows me from a fandom that I don’t post enough about (looking at you lovelies from the DS9 community – sorry y’all, I still love seeing your content, though).

Do I Get Asks: Usually only if I do an Ask Meme. Which I should do again sometime because they’re fun.

Following: 196. Wow, how did that get so large? I should probably go through and thin that out a bit…

Dream Trip: Travelling across Asia. I’ve never been to that part of the world but would love to go some day when I have enough money. I want to see the cultural sights, the natural sights, and eat lots of delicious street food!

Amount of Sleep: I miss being young and not needing it, but these days I do best with 6-9 hours. And then another hour or two lazing around in bed, if possible XD

Lucky Number: I’m super skeptical and don’t believe in the concept of “luck” per se…. but I’ll go with 38 (the number of my favourite Pokemon, and therefore near and dear to my nostalgic heart).

What I am Wearing: A green and blue plaid cotton house dress from the late ‘60s or ‘70s, a rainbow striped sweater, and black fleece-lined tights (because it’s winter, so fashion must also be at least somewhat practical.

Dream Job: Botanic garden curator. Or mad scientist.

Fave Food: All of them? It’s difficult to pick because I love eating. It’s hard to beat freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies, though. For savoury food, maybe dumplings (though that encompasses so many different types it’s almost cheating…  but I love them all!)

Play Any Instruments: Nope, never really had the talent for that.

Languages: English. Un peu (tres petit peu) de Français.

Fave Songs: Going by how frequently I’ve listened to them over the past little while:

Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae – Probably my song of 2018, and a fabulous video to boot.

Wild West by Lissie – First heard while watching the new season of Twin Peaks, but listened to incessantly while driving over the summer. Anyone who rode in my truck probably heard it at least once.

Thin Blue Flame by Josh Ritter – A rediscovered old favourite. So fucking powerful and it builds from such a quiet, unassuming start.

House by Patrick Wolf – Inspired by Liz’s inclusion of a Patrick Wolf song! I’ve been listening to his stuff for over 10 years now (wow, how time flies!) and love everything from his dark, emo-inspired phase to the happy, upbeat, ‘80s-influenced pop numbers. Putting this song in because the music video is just, so aesthetic.

Random Fact: I’m secretly a bit of a hoarder but I’m also fairly organized—as well as good at using available space and tidying up—so it doesn’t really look like I am.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Vintage dresses soaking in a handwash basin, the commingling scents of a glass of scotch and a cup of tea sitting on the side table together, the way a book’s deckled edges feel against your fingers, creamy lace paired with worn leather, the flickering of a neon sign with blackened burn out marks in the corners, that indescribable feeling of standing alone in the forest after the rain, an overflowing box of costume jewellery, the dull sheen of light reflecting off snake scales ready to shed, dirt clinging to the smooth metal spokes of a bicycle wheel.

I thought that last question would be harder, honestly, but once I had one or two, the rest just started to flow. Not sure how accurate they are as descriptors, but read into them what you will. I suppose…

Tagging: As per usual, do it if you’d like to, because I enjoy reading them, but I’m not gonna bother tagging anyone specifically.

[mdwatchestv]

Everything I’m Going to Watch in October

I really wish I had written this ahead of time and not after a week where I’ve had a half dozen rage cries, but here we are. The unending parade of television premieres marches mercilessly onward. 

October boasts yet more network premieres that I am blissfully ignoring, as well as television’s annual attempt to stir up some spooky content. I have a question for you all, is there a television series (not the news) that is truly scary? Like a keep you up at night, turn on all the lights, hide behind the couch from the tv, terrifying? I absolutely hate horror movies, I hate jump scares, and I hate feeling freaked out, I get enough of all that simply by virtue of being a woman who goes out in public. That being said, I can’t think of a show that is so scary I couldn’t watch it. The first season of American Horror Story came close, and there are 30 seconds of Twin Peaks that are so scary they made me cry, but I can’t think of a consistently scary series. BUT YOU TELL ME READERSHIP, what’s the scariest television show?

Speaking of, I am proud to announce I have watched the first two episodes of AHS: Apocalypse and found them to be mildly enjoyable! Surprise, bitch! I also got to Forever which, despite mixed reviews, I found delightfully strange and entertaining. Maniac is sort of exactly how I expected to be, which is totally a good thing, and The Good Place might be the only good thing left in this miserable world. 

Friday, October 5th-  Into The Dark (Hulu)

All that introductory rambling wasn’t for nothing, look it’s paid off immediately. Even if this wasn’t a horror series I would still be telling you about it, because Hulu is throwing down the gauntlet on anthology series. Into the Dark is an anthology that is going to air a new standalone episode once a MONTH for a YEAR. Twelve episodes, over a YEAR. Each episode will be a scary story about a holiday that month, scary Christmas, scary St. Patrick’s Day, scary 4th of July. It’s ambitious, and also extremely optimistic there will be enough people still alive on this space rock to make it to the scary Labor Day episode next September. So hats off to you Hulu, you are going for it. 

Sunday, October 7th - Doctor Who (1:45pm on BBC America)

I have had an up and down relationship with the New Who series, but I am back into it in a big way because we are getting THE FIRST FEMALE DOCTOR! Not only is the effervescent Jodie Whitaker helming the series, but also (finally) a new show runner in Chris Chibnall! He is a former Torchwood and Who writer, and also the creator of Broadchurch (starring David Tennant, Olivia Coleman, and Jodie Whitaker). Broadchurch is quite simply one of the finest dramas ever, and if you have not seen it, it is on Netflix. Anyway, if you too have been taking a Who Hiatus, the time to come back is NOW!  Ooo-WEEE-ooo!

Wednesday, October 10th - Riverdale (8pm on the CW)

I have NOT finished season 2 yet, but I AM an avid follow of KJ Apa’s Instagram. Does this count? 

Friday, October 12th - 

The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix)

Apparently this is “loosely” based on the classic Shirley Jackson novel, whatever that means. But it’s Halloween, it’s Michiel Huisman, it’s a big old why not from me. A review described this as “This is Us for goths��, and I’m here for that.

The Romanoffs (Amazon Prime)

Yes, it’s the new anthology series from that guy who did Mad Men!  It has all the stars in the sky,  shot in 8 countries, and I, as well as some amazing ladies, sunk a year of my life into crafting it. I’ve not seen any of it, and no spoilers, but I am most excited for episode 3 which stars Isabelle Huppert for goodness sake. Also look at broody JJ Feild up there. Hi JJ!

 Friday, October 19th- Making A Murderer Season 2 (Netflix)

Back in 2015, season 1 of this doc series took the 2015 holiday season by storm. What at first seemed like an investigation into what makes a person a murderer, instead became a searing look into our countries criminal justice system. Whether Steven Avery is actually guilty becomes almost immaterial in the larger landscape of planted evidence, pressured confessions, and the jurisdictional mayhem that occurred during this investigation. 

Sunday, October 21st - The Woman in White (10pm on PBS) 

That’s right y’all! It’s a BBC miniseries based on a classic novel! Intrigue, betrayal, mystery, 19th century, asylums, British actors, Wilkie Collins, all the proper ingredients for a delicious television stew.

Friday, October 26th - The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Netflix)

Based on the comic book series of the same name, and written by Riverdale’s Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, this show is a darker take on the beloved teen witch. Honestly the plot could be about literally anything, it’s a GOTHY WITCH SHOW AND I WANT IT.  GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT INTO MY EYES. 

Yes, I know there is a lot of other stuff premiering this month that’s “popular” and I should “really watch”, but you know that’s not how I roll. It’s a hard world out there, so practice self-care, be honest about the television you are going to watch, cast some spells, do you.

Happy Halloween!

XO 

MD

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

tazchat: double whammy

okay so i’ve been havin computer troubles lately and i wanted to make sure the readmore works so i had to wait to upload these, right. but. anyway. if you know me irl and you see this you are legally allowed to kill me.

i’m almost done with the bank episode, but. y’all. there’s two whole episodes before that. we’re just now getting to the really good shit. but the shit that came before? also fucking good. here’s that.

and now, what about two of you have been waiting for: Welcome Back To Bee’s Journey To Self-Acceptance Re: Their Deep Attachment  And Sense Of Relation To Travis McElroy’s Self-Insert DND OC

—“i wish i had pictures but at least i have my memorieeeees” —LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH —i love weird all yankovic’s song paradoxes —magnus calling the boys “fellas” and “boys” all the time is a speech quirk i forgot about. he addresses them as a group more than the other two and. hm. —you know what else i forgot about magnus? he values honesty to a point he doesn’t always live up to? but when he does... boy HOWDY. this whole roswell exchange is SO in-character and i love it. —aaand (this is a magnus monologue!!! listen. listen) he is All About People even if he isn’t necessarily great with them? he knows that nobody’ll survive past 12 but he won’t let them die in the collapse/fire —wait. oh my god. that’s why! i guess! because that’s what happened in RR. fuck? it’s salt shaker level implication, if intentional, and i love it. —chekov’s bush —“oh, the labor—“ / [magnus starts digging with his hands] / “i cast healing word on taako” PEAK THB DYNAMIC —“i put the bomb in a DIFFERENT POCKET than steven” —ALPHABET PUZZLE —oh my god they just blow up the room GRIFFIN: how do you feel? you’ve died three times. it hasn’t been great. TRAVIS: this is how magnus would live his life anyways? he’s emboldened by being able to fuck up CLINT: merle’s not a fan JUSTIN: Just Another Day At The Office, Babey. but he’s fuckin disoriented. —just highlighting that bit which has been highlighted so many times before because it’s so good because we stack up: Oh That’s Why Magnus Made The Chalice, merle death irony, and Justin Predicts The Stolen Century —A L P H A B E T P U Z Z L E —fuckin love the implication that this mine intentionally hired one person for every letter of the alphabet —DISARM / OPEN —“you guys are adorable right now :D” —I’m Gonna Call It Good Ice —token arc elevator —The Bugs Appreciate His Folksy Charm —magnus is exactly that one andy samberg snl skit about that Actor Who I Won’t Name Because He Committed A Literal Hate Crime talking to animals. —Another Fine Miller™️ Product —Merle Fucks Up His Nature Check And Clint Fucks Up Justin’s Mic —[merle solves the whole issue] / TAAKO: another great adventure, magnus. —every time they say umbrella on this show i am reminded that i apparently say umbrella wrong, but, look, they say it the same way!!! —also the imagery of merle just whistlin as magnus and taako hide under their shield/umbrella is so cuts —♪ To Heaven We’re Going On A Trip Together ♪ —CHRIS ISAAK —“dad , i don’t give two shits” —three bubbles —Teef —Oh Worm? —all of you hold hands [...] and you are dead. —Oops-A-Doodle! —oh my god it’s the diamond episode —“i have 24 hours, i don’t know if i can learn to play jock jams on piano” —“oh, i remember you, little ren!” lyin ass but it’s cute —“so the cooking show is on ...Hiatus” —Help Yourself Cast Yourself Into Magic Legend —the ash character voice is really familiar and i can’t place from where? i think it’s the john voice —HELL YEAH IT’LL BE COVERED IN THE SEMINAR —“my lawyers have told me that if there is no tomorrow this payment is null and void” —“that’s a one perception” / “EVERYTHING’S COOL, DON’T EVEN WORRY BOUT IT.” —I DON’T KNOW YOU FROM JAKE! —oh fuck there IS a zone of truth in this arc. —Istus? Maybe Christmas? Biscuits? —clint thought bjork was pronounced bork —“listen skipping niceties is our spe-ci-ality.” —“did you use cold butter or just stick with room temp?” / “mostly just scone magic!” / “not the baking convo i was hoping for, but.” —TURN RIGHT. TURNRIGHT. Tuuuurn Riiiiight. —“it’s my prophecy. i earned it. through lying.” —black opal. fuck off griffin. —“an ocean of tar [...] a world covered in ash.” / THERE IS ALWAYS A THIRD OPTION which none of the dumbasses on this show could figure out beforehand because plot —i burp and small prophecy comes out. —wait no i wanna talk about like. lup and lucretia are both very smart women who are extremely myopic but like. what if we had both. you dumb ass motherfuckers. i love you. —“tell em it’s a bank holiday. hug day?” / “it IS hug day.” —magnus nerds out over the architecture in spite of disaster. hell yes —MERLE ABOUT TO MAKE HIS FIRST RELIGION CHECK — comin up on junebug! i just remembered —“can’t call up istus, like new phone who dis” —Fantasy Shorts —magnus chasing a rag like a kid chasing a butterfly is SO GOOD —clint wants to play doctor strange so bad. @mcu recast now —“is it alive?” / “it’s a skeleton.” / “yeah, but it’s dnd.” —caleb cleveland teen cop —“SKELETONS CAN MOVE IN THIS GAME, JUSTIN!” / “so can rugs, travis, watch aladdin.” —“...it’s seventh level necromancy.” —the ONE TIME griffin gives a shit about casting time is when clint tries to necromance asdhfjkll —“are you about to make a joke about the song luca?” / “...no.” —“it can be upsetting to see a Living Skeleton Man!” —“what loop? what are you talking about?” me when people first proposed the twin theory —Griffin Wants Magnus To Take The Chalice So Bad And I Love It

libra season

[likealittleheartbeat]

Y’all came thru! Put together three lists below. The first is my top shows; the second is the recs people offered; the third is a list of tv protagonists who are uncompromisingly capital-G Good like our boy Aang.

My Top Tier Shows:

- Friday Night Lights (2006-2011): ostensibly a show about an small American town’s high school football team, FNL is the definition of provincial fiction, exploring the humanity of each of its diverse characters and their realistic struggles with immense sympathy and nuance. - Hey Arnold! (1996-2004): one of the few animated shows to appreciate financial realities and the complexity of multiculturalism while still refusing to ever see the worst in anyone, even as people inevitably fail the idealistic expectations set for them.  - The West Wing (1999-2006): intelligent, hopeful, and decent. it will almost make you think politics could really work this way. lol - Skam (2015-2017): a groundbreaking Norwegian teen drama that changed it’s main character each season, beginning with the classic teen romance protagonists and slowly shifting it’s audience towards asking questions about how class, sexuality, race, and religion affect who we see as capable of desire and desirability. All the while, it emphatically pushed for compassion for everyone. - Adventure Time (2010-2018): like no other show in history. silly, caring, and surprisingly profound but rarely sanctimonious. - Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown (2013-2018): travel around the world (the show’s refreshingly as likely to visit the city you grew up in as some exotified locale), learn about politics you’ve been until now ignorant about, but never give up hope that goodwill abounds even amongst the most ravaged lives. - Fleabag (2016-2019): ignore the white-feminist hype and push through the first four episodes to watch Fleabag and the television format as a whole crack open. will have you asking about the nature of thoughts, love, grief, and belief. - My So-Called Life (1994-1995): the 90′s teen drama ahead of its time. every character and plotline rides the ledge of cliché yet amazingly stays grounded and true. - Cowboy Bebop (1998-1999): the anime that made anime. there was anime before this show, but nothing had or has approached Bebop. world-weariness inhabits every frame of the rundown space fantasy world and every piece of dialogue, but we’re left with an acceptance of impermanence rather than a commentary about the rot of the world. also, one of the few animes with english dub voiceover work that fits the characters and won’t hurt your ears :P

Fan Recs:

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009-2010) Steven Universe (2013-2019) The Good Place (2016-2020) Yona of the Dawn (2014) Revolutionary Girl: Utena (1997) The Dragon Prince (2018-present) Mob Psycho 100 (2016-2019) The OA (2016-2019) Star Trek (OG: 1966-1969; Next Generation: 1987-1994; Deep Space Nine: 1993-1999; Voyager: 1995-2001; Discovery: 2017-present) List for Do You Miss Aang? Try These Unwaveringly Good, Caring, and Hopeful Protagonists: Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks Adora in She-Ra: Princesses of Power Ted Lasso in Ted Lasso Anne of Green Gables in Anne with an E Arnold in Hey Arnold Leslie Knope in Parks & Rec Issa Dee in Insecure Steven Universe in Steven Universe Josiah Bartlett in The West Wing Finn in Adventure Time Captain Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation Eric and Tami Taylor in Friday Night Lights  Sana Bakkoush in Skam

Clearly ATLA is in my list of Television Greats, but I wanna know what other shows y’all would put in that tier? I’m talking about shows that demonstrate a level of care, depth, and craft that allow them to hold up way beyond their moment.

My main issue that I come up against when I look at online lists with these kind of things is that I really struggle with the visual language of violence and irony (and the way they often direct the overall message of a show). So that ends up cropping out a lot of the typical choices like The Sopranos, The Wire, Game of Thrones, etc. and even a hefty chunk of comedies. And I’m wondering if the ATLA crowd that really stans for the ethics of the show might feel similarly and have a different perspective? So let’s see those replies bb’s!

[alvane]

Twin Peaks Episode 14 Spoilers

I was able to watch the 14th episode of twin peaks this morning bc sky Germany accidentally uploaded it instead of  episode 13 and they r dumb. theres a plot summary below the cut so beware MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR EP 14

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-iirc the ep starts off with the fbi storyline. Frank Truman calls Gordon Cole and tells him that they found laura palmers diary pages 

-albert tells tammy about the first ever blue rose case which was handled by the young phillip jeffries and gordon cole

-then gordon remembers a dream he had in which a woman (i think it’s the woman that got murdered in the first blue rose case but im not certain) repeats the phillip jeffries quote from fwwm about everyone living in a dream. We are shown flashbacks of the jeffries scene in fwmm (so yes bowie does appear in this ep but no actual new footage of him, just old stuff)

-Albert says that he suddenly remembers jeffries mysteriously showing up too . i guess they all just collectively forgot abt Jeffries showing up 

-then Diane joins them and reveals that evil coop mentioned major briggs during the last night she saw him

-aaaaand then gordon cole shows diane the wedding ring found in major briggs corpse (dougies wedding ring) and she mentions that her half-sister is called janey-e and is married to a guy named dougie. wtf . gordon cole calls the las vegas fbi (?) office and they try to find dougie. it’s finally happening y’all

-then in twin peaks we see the dick police officer (chad i think) get arrested by truman and bobby heck yeah

- andy, truman, hawk and bobby look around for jack rabbits place in the woods. they eventually find it and discover naido (the japanese women w her eyes sewn shut that was in the mauve zone of the black lodge in ep 3) lying there naked

-whilst they try to care for her the vortex (the one that almost swallowed gordon 2 eps ago) shows up and andy gets sucked in. there he meets the giant in the same black and white room that the first scene of the season was set in

-the giant calls himself the “fireman” or smth like that. I forgot if he says anything else but eventually andy looks up and in a window sees some flashbacks of past events. like scenes from the day laura was murdered and evil and good coop in the black lodge. there is one scene we havent seen be4 in there (which im assuming means it shows the future) of andy and lucy walking around in the police department.

-then andy disappears from the lodge (?)

-we see hawk, truman and bobby wandering in the forest, saying they cant remember what just happened

-in the next scene in the police department andy and lucy r taking care of naido (is no one concerned that her eyes r sewn shut ????) no one comments abt andy suddenly being back so i guess no one can rmbr his trip to the black lodge

-next scene we see everyones favorite character, james , and a british guy hanging out together. they apparently both work for the great northern hotel

-british guy is wearing a green glove that he says he can never take off. he tells james this is because he was told by someone in a dream (and the way he talks abt it makes  it seem like one of the twin peaks demons/spirits caused this dream) predicted that he would find this glove so its his special glove

- yes idk what the fuck is going on either and some random guy having a magical green glove seems like its fake but i swear this actually happens djncskncnk

-james goes to investigate the mysterious noise in the great northern in the basement

-then we see sarah palmer go to a random bar (i guess the roadhouse isnt the only bar in twin peaks now). some guy hits on her and calls her a dyke and a cunt but she retaliates by taking off her face like laura does in the first or 2nd ep of this season. unlike laura tho there isnt light behind her face just smoke and a hand shows up and also a mouth. its fucking creepy. then she touches him and his neck just kinda. explodes. what the fuck.

-david lynch really wasnt fucking around when he said fix ur hearts or die i guess 

-in the roadhouse  theres some singer performing a n also two women talk abt a guy named billie (audrey’s billy?) but i dont know what that was abt

thats all i can rmbr. this episode was super weird (but great) and kinda hard to explain so mssg me if u want smth clarified. on a side note i think this is the only ep of twin peaks w absolutely no new cooper scenes. he only appeared twice in reused footage..........

[pushbreezango]

30 Questions!

I was tagged by @finnfinnfergal​

Nickname: I’m Kris or Kristopher. Don’t really have nicknames.

Gender: Nonbinary :D (they/him)

Star Sign: Aries

Height: 5′3

Time: 12:16pm

Birthday: April 5

Favorite bands: Not huge into music. I’ll usually listen to whatever’s on. The hits tend to be good. Ninja Sex Party is good jams. I cosplayed Ninja Brian from If We Were Gay last year. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons is my default listenin.

Favorite Solo Artists: Can’t immediately think of any at the moment. 

Song stuck in my head: Using Discord for the Breezango chat has lead to Discord being stuck in my head this morning. Rip me.

Last movie I watched: It was probably when I watched Princess Diaries with my brother like a week ago 

Last show I watched: Twin Peaks. Just saw the first episode so far but y’all know why ;) Last one I finished was GLOW

When did I create my blog: I made this blog a bit over 4 months ago to be the Breezango-exclusive blog that I had wanted to follow :P 

What do I post: Anything relating to Tyler Breeze, Fandango and occasionally Dalton Castle. I reblog most things in the tags and basically never queue anything :P

Do I have any other blogs: I’ve got my main blog (toasterlock), which I’ve had for like 6 years. I’ve got my currently inactive art blog (dailydawne). And I have a general wrestling blog for stuff that comes up on my dash that I don’t want to bother my mainblog followers with (wwefashionpolice - misleading since there’s like no breezango but I was just surprised the name hadn’t been taken) 

Do you get asks: Not that often. Usually just when I ask about stuff in the tags. I’m always down for questions, messages, conversations etc. I also like getting tagged in this kind of stuff or even if you want to show me anything ;)

Why did you choose this blog name? I started this blog before Breezango got a push and was salty that they were almost never on TV. I’m so happy they got a push <3

Following: 656

Followers: 442 

Favorite Colors: Turquoise and hot pink (and is holo a colour :P)

Average hours of sleep: 6-8? I dunno. Can’t be bothered to check my watch.

Lucky number: Numbers that aren’t 4, 6 and 8?

Instruments: I pick up instruments easily but don’t have much interest in music. I learned a bit of piano, guitar and djembe. 

What am I wearing: Breezango shirt and pajama pants. Y’all should see the ensemble I was rocking last night (if my selfie stick didn’t heckin break). This shirt, a denim vest and the rest was my Breezango costume. I felt ~powerful~ 

How many blankets do I sleep with: One big duvet. Seemingly regardless of season. 

Dream job: If I wasn’t disabled, doing a wrassle would be rad but so far probably selling bondage gear tbh. Currently working on selling stickers to fund my transition. 

Dream Trip: Dunno. I’ve been most places I’ve ever wanted to be? Still haven’t been to Hawaii to visit my best internet friend. 

Favorite food: The meal I would get at Black Angus in Singapore when I had surgery on my legs 10 years ago. I would legit just want to go back to Singapore for a steak/soup/bread/cake combo like that dude. 

Nationality: Confusing to say the least. I’m Canadian, haven’t lived there in 15 years. Lived in Indonesia for 10, the Netherlands for 3 and I’ve been in Australia for 2 now (thus the times I post I guess since I don’t use the queue cus I like the instant validation that the activity graph show me ;P)

Favorite song right now: #MMMGORGEOUS or Good Dirty Fun on 30 minute loop because it’s makes me feel awesome when I walk to school. And it makes my walking faster. I genuinely don’t have much to listen to on my phone but I’ve been enjoying this for the past month. 

No pressure guys: @sailoralderaan @transboy-tyler-official @fashion-files-saves-2017 @cutesville @silly-luke-skywalker @starbxrner @walter-sullivan-stubble @breezangobabe @breezango-deserve-the-titles @veganheel @ Kiwi, it’s not letting me tag u >:I

[noelmu]

WEEK(S) IN REVIEW 8/6/17-8/19/17

Right before we left on our cruise last month, two of my regular outlets reached out to me with assignments for interviews. I had to turn both down, because the likely timing of each was going to coincide with me being literally out to sea. One was with Arcade Fire frontman Win Butler, and was supposed to happen a week before the release of the band’s new album Everything Now. I was disappointed to miss it, because I think that record is half-stellar and half-muddled, and I  had a lot of questions about how it came to be. Fortunately for me, both The A.V. Club and Arcade Fire’s publicist were willing to wait until I got back, even though that meant the interview ultimately happened after the LP was already out.

The other offer was even harder to say no to. My New York Times editor Gilbert Cruz was in contact with David Lynch’s staff about doing an interview specifically focused on Lynch’s work as the sound designer for his TV series Twin Peaks. Lynch doesn’t do a lot of press, and he’s not big on broad, contemplative conversations about the meaning of his art, so both his willingness to talk and the narrow topic were rare opportunities. I was thrilled then when the back-and-forth on setting the interview up lasted long enough for me to get back home and get back into the mix.

I was uncommonly anxious about the Lynch interview, in part because It happened toward the end of the day on a busy Monday (the kids’ first day of school), and in part I wasn’t sure what I was going to get from the director during the 15 minutes I’d been granted. But as it turned out, Mr. Lynch was enthusiastic, thoughtful, gracious, and funny, giving more detailed answers than I’d expected.

The interview was trimmed by Gilbert, and then again by another NYT editor -- first to make it a little tighter, and then to make it short enough to run in the paper’s print edition. Nothing of substance was lost. The overall thrust and themes of my chat with Mr. Lynch is there in the finished version; and given how popular the article has been on social media since it posted on Thursday, I think Lynch fans are enjoying it.

(Aside: The interview posted literally about an hour before my wife Donna went under sedation for a colonoscopy. It was a routine “hey, you’re an old person now” exploratory procedure, unrelated to any health concerns, but the whole process was still a highly stressful multi-day hassle for both of us, and the enthusiastic reaction to the Lynch piece helped ease both of our anxieties that particular day. So thanks to all of y’all who read the interview and commented on Thursday.)

Anyway, since Lynch talks so rarely, I thought I’d share two extended exchanges that were cut from the published interview, plus one aside that was part of a longer response that did make it into the Times. There’s nothing essential here, but I enjoyed the way he phrased these responses.

For example, while describing the process of choosing sound effects, Lynch said to me, “Y’know, there can be very bad doorknob sounds. It just breaks the thing. So you try to get the doorknob’s sound to live in the picture, and be correct.” I love savor the plainspoken poetry of that.

That was the aside. Here are the two exchanges:

NYT: There have been several scenes this season where dialogue repeats, and people or machines will say the same phrases over and over: like with Johnny Horne’s malfunctioning teddy bear robot, or the Woodsman’s speech on the radio. When you add in the music and the background effects, those scenes are almost like a musical composition.

Lynch: Yeah! In a weird way it is. It’s beautiful. With the sound and the dialogue, it has to be a certain loudness. It has to be a certain way. If you want it to feel real, cleaning the dialogue and preparing the dialogue is a real art. You can do things to remove bad background sounds but if you eat into the voice, it doesn’t sound right. It’s a tricky, tricky business to get it all sounding right and clean. But it is like music. And the way people talk, y’know, that’s so important. If they’re talking real quietly, or if they’re talking the way I am now. Or the pauses in between. It’s a lot like music.

NYT: Can you compare it to picking out notes on a piano until you hear the one that makes the melody?

Lynch: In a way. Y’know, you have an idea. It’s like when you read a thing and then an image pops into your head, or however that happens. You’re seeing a picture in your brain like on TV. Everybody has this experience. If you’ve got an idea for a chair, there’s a chair. You see it. Then you look closer and you see that it’s made of wood. Then you see that it’s got, y’know, some cushion on it. And it’s a certain proportion. So then when you build a chair you just follow that idea, and that’s the way it is.

You have an idea that you’ve fallen in love with, and now you’ve got to translate that to cinema. Every single element that makes it up, you’ve got to check it against the idea. It involves lots and lots of talking, and lots of looking, and talking some more, and getting everybody on the same path. Little by little bit, you start getting this stuff that’s true to the idea. And you just stay on that as good as you can.

So there you go. Both the Lynch and Butler interviews are linked below in full, if you missed them earlier this week. I also have two lengthy essays for The Week about new Netflix shows, a well-received Very Special Episode column about Friends, and an eclectic assortment of reviews.

I went into August having decided not to pitch anything, figuring that with fall coming I’d either already be getting calls to do September preview pieces or I’d just spend the month selling DVDs to pay the bills -- while cleaning the house, getting the kids ready for the new school year, and helping Donna through her complicated schedule of semester-prep, academic research, and doctor visits.

So far hough August has turned out to contain a good mix of this and that: a lot of personal business, but also a lot of rare opportunities and lucrative assignments. Below are first fruits of the month. There should be more to come.

The A.V. Club Interview: Win Butler on why he ignores the internet, and why he expects Arcade Fire to stick around A Very Special Episode: A very special Friends from 1997 debated the meaning of “on a break” Movie Review: The powerful Whose Streets? looks back at the unrest in Ferguson Best Of: The best movies of 1997 (I wrote about The Apostle, Breakdown, and Fast Cheap & Out Of Control)

The Los Angeles Times Movie Review: The Farthest pays homage to Voyager, and human potential Movie Review: Siri-type app turns lethal in Bedeviled Movie Review: The Ice Cream Truck soft serves its horror Movie Review: Lycan recycles werewolf and horror formulas with little payoff Movie Review: Muddled sci-fi thriller What Happened To Monday is still fun and has Noomi Rapace times seven New In Home Entertainment: Alien: Covenant is one of the best of the Alien franchise movies New In Home Entertainment: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 is less surprising but more visual than the first

The New York Times Interview: “I Love Winds": David Lynch on the Sound of Twin Peaks TV Review: Twin Peaks Season 3, Episode 13: Starting Position
 TV Review: Twin Peaks Season 3, Episode 14: Who Is The Dreamer?

Rolling Stone The 25 Greatest South Park Moments, Updated (I wrote the season 19 premiere and finale, and Mr. Garrison becoming president in season 20)

The Week My teen son has autism. Here's what Netflix's new dramedy Atypical gets wrong. The Defenders blessedly abandons the super-hero backstory

[justrosesdude]

Thanks for tagging me! :)

What do you prefer to be called name-wise? I usually just go by M

When is your birthday? February 7th!

Where do you live? In New Zealand 🇳🇿

Three things you are doing right now: Procrastinating homework, sitting on the couch, listening to a medical drama.

Four fandoms that have peaked your interest: ohhh now that’s not fair there’s too many! Umm. Currently I’m really invested in MDZS and BNHA. There’s also the MCU and Sanders Sides that I actively follow :) There’s so many more but I’ll keep that short.

How has the pandemic been treating you? Well... I’d imagine my experience in New Zealand will be quite different than a lot of you? I’ll share a bit more about it in case you’re interested. My city hasn’t experienced a full lockdown since May last year and school has been practically normal since then. Also, apart from on public busses, wearing masks hasn’t really become mainstream here. It’s almost as if Covid doesn’t exist here at some times. I’m not sure what it’s like anywhere else, but in general, we can go to crowded restaurants and in-person concerts (There was a Six60 concert in Hamilton just the other day!) So, apart from an increased fear of social interaction with strangers, I think we’re doing well. Just last week Auckland (our big city) had an outbreak so we’re all a bit anxious again :’)

A song you can’t stop listening to? Honestly? “Chase me” by DREAMCATCHER lives rent free in my head Rn.

How old are you? I’m a minor so I prefer not to say.

School, university, occupation, other? I’m in High School. In future, I’d like to be a Forensic chemist or something of a similar occupation.

Do you prefer heat or cold? Ohh cold all day long. NZ is a pre cold place in general, so I’m definitely more used to the cold. My favourite season is definitely winter because I get to bundle up in my favourite hoodies!

Name one fact that others may not know about you: Uhh... I have 6 pets? 3 dogs and 3 cats. And also honestly it’s kind of surprising how many people will just go up to a Rottweiler and pat them without asking- Another thing I’ll mention is I have a twin sister!

Are you shy? Oh most definitely. I overthink the most simplest of conversations. So I’m pretty awkward. However, this changes when you get into a debate with me. Skip the small talk and jump straight into a debate about morals and ethics and we’ll be best friends lol

Pronouns? She/her

Biggest pet peeves? Teachers who linger over your shoulder (literally breathe down your neck) while you’re trying to work, and gossiping.

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be: 8.2

Whats your main blog? This one :)

List your side blogs and what they’re used for: This is my only one

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I’m very awkward with socialisation at first and will spend like 5 mins humming and huhing over basic responses and but honestly once I know ya be prepared for me pouring my heart out in pseudo-essays about my latest passion lmao.

@jaytrixradio @decidedlynotnormal @oatmealoatmealoatmealoatmealoatm @queenvespertine @sunshinenotdick @10not-suspect01 @alec-the-transgender-artist (You don’t have to do it but I thought I’d tag y’all anyway. Anyone else who wants to do it pls do!)

“Get to know me tag game”

Rules : answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

Ayye, thanks for this tag @p-irozhki​ , not gonna lie that I was a bit surprised to get a notif from you. 

Tagging (feel free to ignore or skip questions if you’re not comfortable answering): @blacwaifu , @bianakinnie666 , @lemonraito , @cupcakesandkittens @jewels222777888 , @foxyplay3106 , @selfconsciouscrabcake , @mariola-writes , @marvelous-raven , @mangaislife-4ever (and whoever wants to do this).

What do you prefer to be called name-wise ? Online people usually use my @ to address me, but Hikay is fine too.

When is your birthday ? in January

Where do you live ? Somewhere lost in the South of the Pacific Ocean. :)

Three things you are doing right now : listening to music, looking at my screen and thinking about what should I write for my essay later.

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest? Studio Ghibli, Haikyuu!!, Jujutsu Kaisen and Naruto. (Also, Blue lock)

How has the pandemic been treating you ? Nothing really change.

A song you can’t stop listening to right now ? I let my playlists shuffle the whole day, tho if I were to pick one song I’m listening a lot, it would be “We’ll be fine” by ReN. 🙏 -bet my family and friends are done with this one-

How old are you ? 19👀 (soon 20).

School, university, occupation, other ? Need more time to do all the things I want to try.🤔

Do you prefer heat or cold ? I like cold but better heat cause it means Summer (for me at least) and I love going to the beach so 🤷‍♀️ .

Name one fact others may not know about you : I still need a second to know where is the right and the left. -a lost cause yeah😂-

Are you shy ? Kinda yeah.

Pronouns ? She/Her.

Biggest pet peeves ? Loud chewers/speakers, slow walkers and annoying students who can’t shut up.

What is your favorite “dere” type ? I think Bakadere (urgh, I didn’t even know what “dere” was until now) much more because clumsy could be my second name (all those embarrassing moments pls😭).

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.  5

What’s your main blog ? This one I guess.

List your side blogs and what they’re used for : don’t have any.

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends ?  I’m sorry for you?, I’m awkwardly social 🙏 but friendly when I want to.

[bobbystompy]

My Top 132 Songs Of 2016

Previously: 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Haven’t started writing this yet, but after peaking at 73 songs in 2013, then dipping to 67 and 71 the last two years, it is unbelievable we hit 132 (blame Spotify’s easy ability to save music and create playlists).

I debated skipping around, but nahhh, let’s get it.

As always, the criteria/info:

This is a list of songs I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; it’s not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of... each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check out some for yourself

BOBBY VS. THE SONGS, FID

132) Kendrick Lamar - “untitled 07 | levitate”

Yeah, not gonna do the thing everyone else is doing where we pretend Kendrick is making amazing music with 2016′s throwaway release. I had to trudge through so much weird-and-not-fun stuff on “Butterfly” last year; it’s time to be done with it. Kendrick is obviously a top flight MC and could end up as an all-time great, but, like, come on -- this is from an EP of b-sides, it’s (probably) the best song... and it’s still not that memorable. How this record is ended up on so many year end best of lists mystified me.

131) Young Thug - “Drippin'”

Thugger spazzin’ around.

130) 2 Chainz f/ Lil Wayne - “Gotta Lotta”

Eh, this song’s aight; beat good, kinda sticks with you sometimes. Funny it should be listed as “2 Chainz & Lil Wayne” -- peep the very creative album art -- yet ended up as a 2 Chainz solo feature (on technicality alone) due to Weezy’s ongoing label issues. These two play off each other well.

129) Real Friends - “Mokena”

This song is good, but it’s... a little too angst-y at points.

128) Iggy Pop - “American Valhalla”

The best compliment I can give this song is it sounds unlike anything I’ve ever heard. Not a fun listen every time, but if you consciously immerse, it can definitely work.

127) The Avett Brothers - “Ain't No Man”

Good mom song; feels like fun. passed the torch with this one.

126) Paul Simon - “Horace And Pete”

Louis C.K. got Simon to write a theme song for his dramedy “Horace and Pete”, and the diminutive one came through in spades. I sometimes like to shoehorn in the f-word when singing along to help break up some of the seriousness. But yeah, this feels like a ‘60s classic even though it’s essentially brand new.

125) Frank Ocean - “Nikes”

The A.V. Club summed up my opinion of the Frank Ocean record with one swift line: “On first listen, Blonde feels like a Cracker Jack box with no toy in it.”

Amen.

Don’t get it twisted: I love Frank, still believe in Frank, and of course consider “channel ORANGE” to (objectively) be one of the greatest albums of this generation, but “Blonde”? It didn’t connect. Somewhat reluctantly, I picked this song for the list because it was the first one I heard, and it stands as a symbol of the initial hope which faded over a few listens. But when Ocean breaks in after all the high pitched singing, it does feel like a moment.

Also, this line will always stick: “RIP Pimp C / RIP Trayvon, that n**** look just like me”.

124) DJ Khaled f/ Jay-Z & Future - “I Got The Keys”

DJ Khaled is a talentless jackass, annoyingly ad libbing his way into our brains. Unfortunately, my personal favorite artist chooses to make listenable songs with him. Alas, No. 124. Jay slaying with “My wife Beyoncé, I brag different”. Future... being Future.

123) Slim Thug - “King”

The always underrated Slim Thug, hangin’ out and tellin’ you about his life. Also lifting weights. Minus points for using the Pimp C sample Jigga used in “FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt” only three years ago.

122) American Football - “Give Me The Gun”

This band will never hit for me as much as it does with cool/laid back guitar people, but I enjoyed this tune. And I wish my friend Luke were here to listen with me.

121) Craig Finn - “Screenwriters School”

Craig Finn, as slow and chill as you’ll ever hear him.

120) Mikey Erg - “1001 Smashed Motel Rooms”

Solid verses, big chorus, and you can almost, like, tell he’s bald by the voice (not an insult).

119) Cassadee Pope - “Summer”

The former Hey Monday singer goes in on the strongest season.

118) The Cool Kids - “Connect 4″

It’s very difficult to write about The Cool Kids without using the word “cool”, but man, these guys have such a great interplay. It’s not two separate dudes taking turns; it’s a glorious intertwine with true chemistry.

117) Third Eye Blind - “Cop vs. Phone Girl"

This is our first song I’d call an imperative listen. I say this because you need you to hear Stephan Jenkins sing “Why's it so hard to say ‘Black Lives Matter’? / Doesn't mean that you're anti-white / Take it from me, I'm super fucking white”.

He remains bulletproof.

116) Wakrat - “Sober Addiction”

I was positive this song was a jam after one listen, but I’ve listened 3-4 times since, and it’s gotten progressively worse each time. If that’s not enough of a hook, the singer is the Rage Against The Machine bassist.

115) Owl Meet Rabbit - “This Side Of The Nut House”

A Christmas song with a “National Lampoon” reference.

114) YG f/ Drake & Kamaiyah - “Why You Always Hatin?”

Still a little unclear why Drake keeps agreeing to be in YG songs. His verse references sliding into DMs.

113) Yo Gotti f/ Nicki Minaj - “Down In The DM (Remix)”

...and we also have a track titled after it. My biggest memory with this song will be feeling sick in an Uber from Chicago to Forest Park on, like, a weekday morning but still mustering the nerve to laugh at the chorus, which is egregious enough before the “bridge” of “Snapchat me that pussy, if it’s cool”. Seriously. RIP, music.

112) The Dirty Nil - “Zombie Eyed”

This rips.

111) Microwave - “Homebody”

A good song that pulls you in further when the distortion gets bigger in the chorus.

110) AJJ - “Terrifyer”

Some days, you're a member of Queen Other days, you're a Kottonmouth King Some days, you're Emilio Estevez Other days, you're Charlie Sheen

109) Band of Horses - “Casual Party”

These guys are all smooth harmonies.

108) Fitz and the Tantrums - “HandClap”

This song is pretty unoffensive, but it’s catchy enough to work.

107) Nothing - “The Dead Are Dumb”

“The Dead Are Dumb” -or- if the “Twin Peaks” theme actually went somewhere.

106) Car Seat Headrest - “Unforgiving Girl (She's Not An)”

This band kinda reminds me of The Strokes; just a liiiiiitle less New York street and a tad more indie.

105) Vince Staples f/ Kilo Kish - “Loco”

Vince got into the news this year after defending the mom who had an extreme distaste for his lyrics in 2015′s “Norf Norf”. Let’s just say she also would not enjoy this one. His interplay with Kilo is on point.

104) GTA f/ Vince Staples - “Little Bit of This”

‘ey, it’s Vince again, and this one is stronger; somehow topping the high energy of “Loco” with another level of fire-spitting.

103) The Living End - “Monkey”

The Aussies broke a 13 year album hiatus with 2016′s “Shift”, and “Monkey”, one of the lead singles, did not disappoint. There will always be a place for songwriting like this.

102) Vic Mensa - “16 Shots”

This song is so raw and street and real. Sometimes you hear something, and it just cuts like a knife. I’m talking a “Straight Outta Compton” level here. Mensa has thoughts on police brutality in Chicago, and he ain’t holding back. He played this live on Kimmel, and his solemn-yet-wired energy could not be ignored.

101) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Summerly”

Some might say BATS sold out with this very commercial ode to Pollyanna’s raspberry wheat ale, but when you consume as much of it as those boys do, I say it’s legit art.

100) Macklemore & RL f/ J. Woods - “White Privelege II”

This is kinda like the Third Eye Blind message on Black Lives Matter, only the exact opposite. It’s... quite heavy handed, and while I like that from Macklemore, I realize a lot do not. All I can say in his defense is, like, man, it really seems like this dude is trying, and he certainly attempted to involve the right people. If that’s not good enough for you, I get it.

(Plus, he kinda digs on Iggy; throwing y’all a bone, just take it.)

99) Conor Oberst - “A Little Uncanny”

Oberst sounds a ton like Bob Dylan in this one, but he also sounds a ton like Oberst. It’s kinda like two massive folk tidal waves crashing into each other.

98) Cymbals Eat Guitars - “Have A Heart”

CEG -- despite a terrific name -- have always made music that felt obtuse, but this is the first song that felt ready-made to, like, give normal people a window to check out the band.

97) Green Day- “Bang Bang”

Everyone wants to over-analyze Green Day. But if you don’t do that, you’ll enjoy this as a fast and easy pop-punk song. It plays at my gym sometimes, and I always kinda assume people are annoyed by it. To quote Josh from “Heavyweights”, this pleases me.

96) James Vincent McMorrow - “Get Low”

Chill/cool.

95) The Flatliners - “Hang My Head”

This won’t end up in their all-time Top 5, but it’s a good song, and it was nice to hear from this band in 2016.

94) AFI - “Snow Cats”

This would sound right at home as a mid-tempo number on “Sing The Sorrow”.

93) Jay Electronica - “#TBE The Curse Of Mayweather”

Oof, what a shitty title. So, this is Jay Elect’s “blast back” at Kendrick Lamar after K-Dot slaughtered the rap game (and shit, maybe rap itself) in 2013′s “Control”. But here’s the thing... “Control” was “Control”. No one is topping “Control”. No one is successfully going at “Control”. That’s in its own stratosphere. Was it fun to see the enigmatic MC try? Sure. Did it make any type of impact? Eh, no. But I did enjoy the fake Kendrick voice.

92) The Dyes - “Loudmouth”

Out of every song so far, I’ve found this the toughest to write about. My favorite part is probably the way the guitar and bass play off each other, but my second favorite part has to be how sinister and swaggery it sounds.

91) Big Sean - “Get My Shit Together”

Maaaan, I missed Big Sean in 2016 after an extremely fruitful 2015. The few times he did surface -- on other people’s songs -- he stayed in form, so you’ll see more of him as this goes.

It feel like young Ray Allen with the white twins

90) Emeli Sandé f/ Jay Electronica & Áine Zion - “Garden”

Serene, with a fitting Jay Elect verse.

89) Yumi Zouma - “Haji Awali”

Chiller than a Coleman.

88) Jimmy Eat World - “Get Right”

We’ve talked about this before, but JEW typically have sunny day feel good songs, or nighttime darkness-type songs; this one’s the latter.

87) Into It. Over It. - “No EQ”

Sooooo good; melodic and percussive and soulful. It tugs at your heart just the right amount.

86) The Front Bottoms - “Joanie”

This really, really sounds like a Front Bottoms song, which I mostly mean as a compliment but also... am slightly worried about as it pertains to future material.

85) The Lumineers - “Ophelia”

Would I like to steal this song and give it to a girl and say I wrote it to mega impress her? Uh, duh. Piano for dayz.

84) Viola Beach - “Swings & Waterslides”

Kinda a lighter version of the Arctic Monkeys; mostly the singing... but in a big way.

83) The Game - “92 Bars”

It’s sposta be a Meek Mill diss, but it’s basically Game freestyling about a buncha stuff over a workable beat. Some real solid lines, too. My favorites:

- “I can kill you in four bars, that's a Kit Kat”

- “Let me tell you who suck, like banana Now and Laters” (haha)

- “Give me Left Eye back, take Fetty Wap and the Raiders”

- “Gum by them Yeezys, I'm the 6'5" Eazy” (MVP bar?)

- “This the Golden State and my shooters ain't on no hoop shit” (coooold)

82) OMI - “Hula Hoop”

I’mma give the write up here to my girl Alyssa Pawola, via her husband, Jeff Pawola (who watched the video after she was told the song reminded me of him):

She agreed with you!

She says it's because the singer dances similar to me and is a little goofy (compliment?), whereas all the girls around him are really good dancers (thus, her).

81) Joey Purp f/ Chance The Rapper - “Girls @”

If you’re not all-in on this song by the seven or eight second mark, then you can probably pass. HOWEVA, Chance and his 3 hat appear later on, so we call that incentive, young Bucky.

80) Vinnie Caruana - “I Don’t Believe You”

The feels like a last-song-on-the-record kinda track.

/looks up if it was the last song on the record

...8 of 10!

(Close enough.)

79) No Lenox - “Leave”

This song is heart and blood, with a rare use of “fucking” from Chris Trott.

78) JANK - “Versace Summer”

JANK is interesting. All of their artwork and motif make them seem like stoners (and maybe they are), but the music itself is so technical and synced. Like, you know they’re trying and very capable. So as weird as seeing “Versace” next to “JANK” might look, maybe it’s this high end brand that truly does fit their sound over, say, Faygo. But yeah, by the time this song is done, even though they’ve played the chorus a handful of times, you probably wouldn’t mind a handful more.

77) White Lung - “Dead Weight”

This band is just the coolest shit. They always go so, so hard, but this time, there’s a guitar playing mega bad ass leads to help even things out. I would believe you if you told me the guitar was also shooting lasers.

76) Descendents - “Without Love”

Like The Living End, the Descendents have also been out of the ‘releasing new records’ game for over a decade. And as jokey of a band as they’ve been in the past, this song has some of the same earnestness and vulnerability we heard on 2004′s “Cool To Be You”.

75) Andrew Bird - “Roma Fade”

For sure a candidate for coolest song title of 2016.

74) LVL UP - “Hidden Driver”

This is too indie for its own good.

73) A$AP Ferg f/ Big Sean - “World Is Mine”

Mostly included for Sean. Sorry, Ferg -- but you did give him the hook and a verse.

72) AM Taxi - “Enough To Feel Like Enough”

Like The Front Bottoms song from earlier, this AM Taxi song is very AM Taxi. But I ain’t ever worried about AM Taxi.

71) Rozwell Kid - “Baby’s First Sideburns”

Not sure I’ve ever heard a weak song by this band.

70) PARTYNEXTDOOR f/ Drake - “Come And See Me”

If you wanted to upset your love interest in 2016, hitting him or her with the “I hear you talkin' 'bout ‘we’ a lot, oh, you speak French now?” line was probably a good place to start.

69) Tancred - “Bed Case”

Kinda ‘90s, right? Nice.

68) Thrice - “Blood On The Sand”

Moderate take alert: I purport the Thrice singer sounds like Dave Grohl in this song, particularly during the chorus. Come at me with your agrees or disagrees.

67) MakeWar - “Ode”

The dude on this band’s album cover always reminds me of Rafa Nadal, which is weird, as I’d argue he looks -20% like Rafa Nadal. This song has a downcast energy. I think I wanna see these dudes live.

66) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Asshole Pandemic”

Party punk, wooooo. You will not find a more circular 2016 lyric than “Why’s this fuckin’ dick gotta be such a cock?”

65) Adam Friedman f/ Mike Posner - “Lemonade”

blue eyes >>> brown eyes, Adam.

64) Matt and Kim - “Let’s Run Away”

As always-always-always, Matt and Kim are having more fun than we are.

63) Ariana Grande f/ Nicki Minaj - “Side To Side”

As recently as 40 days ago, I was emaling my friends about this track with the very loaded “I’m not sure this song is good at all”.

My buddy Brian’s response will probably jar you like it jarred me:

Gotta say, I have a soft spot for this song. I think the beat is pretty banging and the subject matter is a plus. Like, we do have to acknowledge that she's walking side to side because she's been having sex with dude all night and day and now her vagina is too sore to walk like a regular person. I can dig that.

Well then.

62) With You. f/ Vince Staples - “Ghost”

Weird music video, but definitely my favorite version of Vince that we got in 2016.

61) Fifth Harmony f/ Ty Dolla $ign - “Work From Home”

I was listening to this song with my girlfriend the other day, and I said something like “This song could really use a rap cameo”. Enter: the very forgettable Ty Dolla $ign. Still, a fun, sexty song. Also, I believe this is our first -- and only? -- song to have over one billion YouTube views (!!!).

60) Masked Intruder - “If Only”

This made it over other MI candidates due to the Winnie Cooper reference.

59) Fat Joe, Remy Ma, Jay-Z f/ French Montana & Infared - “All The Way Up (Remix)”

An easy chorus for sports teams to co-opt, as well as a “fuck off me” Jay verse. He bucks “Lemonade”, ups his products for the infinite time, and drops the mic after:

The OG's say, "Hov, how high is high enough?" I said "'till we eye and eye with the higher ups" Until we let 'em know, we ain't those n****s Until our baby's showered in gold, n**** Blue looking like Pac in the tub David LaChapelle levels of not giving a fuck Prince left his masters where they safe and sound We never gonna let the elevator take him down

Man.

Worry not, cockroach French is around to muck things up. It’s salvaged by a real dope Remy Ma verse, though.

58) Al Scorch - “Everybody Out”

The perfect soundtrack for escaping a busted speakeasy.

57) Tegan and Sara - “Dying To Know”

This song makes the list because the “Boyfriend” chorus was lazy as hell; it was like the “Closer” chorus, version 2.0. Conversely, “Dying To Know” has real emotion and a big, legit chorus.

56) Bloc Party - “The Good News”

A song I fear no one will like but me... but hey, my list.

55) New Lenox - “It’s Its Own Thing”

This is a song I wrote (and drummed on) about how winter sucks. It’s also about Chicago, being alone, finding someone, and using Banner Pilot to get through tough, frozen times. Shout out to Dave Rokos for singing the majority of the leads and Chris Trott for producing.

54) Julien Baker - “Photobooth”

I became enamored with the voice and talent of 21-year-old phenom Julien Baker throughout 2016, and though she released her debut album in 2015 (ALL TRACKS DISQUALIFIED, CHICA), she did drop this Death Cab cover for The A.V. Club this year, so I found a way to get her in the door. Now that we’re all here, I’ll give the floor to Deadspin’s Tom Ley:

What I did not expect was to like this version of the song so much that I now become visibly disgusted when I try to go back and listen to the original. Like all the good, thoughtful teens of my era, I spent a lot of time listening to Death Cab in my car, and I used to nod along pleasantly when “Photobooth” came on. But now I’m just angry I ever wasted any time listening to a lesser version of the song. In my opinion, Death Cab should just turn their entire catalog over to Julien Baker and be done with it.

Ironically, I will be seeing Baker open up for Death Cab singer Ben Gibbard later this January.

53) Desiigner - “Panda”

This is a bad song... but it’s incredibly listenable (for about 30 seconds, only it keeps going for a normal amount of time). It got upped on Kanye’s album, which likely sparked public interest in this mumble rap disaster. Literally the best thing you can say is it’s a Future rip off -- and he’s not all that great to begin with.

/sadly looks up YouTube view total

190 million; Fifth Harmony is like “pshhhh”.

Yet, “Panda” somehow endures. It feels fresh, saying “panda” repatedly never seems to tire, and it burned down the dance floor at Brian Pawola’s wedding this summer; old and young alike wanted to be pandas.

Now is also probably a good time to disclose my Halloween costume...

52) Cloud Nothings - “Modern Act”

Me, blogging about my excitement for the new Cloud Nothings album that drops in three weeks.

51) A Tribe Called Quest f/ André 3000 - “Kids” (no link)

Welcome back.

50) Run The Jewels - “Talk To Me”

Haven’t listened to RTJ3, but it’s only been out for, like, 10 days. Still, this song is as reliably dope as they’ve always been. I also felt compelled to include ATCQ and RTJ in these spots to ensure they were not above “Panda”.

Brave men didn't die face down in the Vietnam muck so I could not style on you

49) Kevin Devine - “No History”

My aforementioned buddy Dave Rokos likes this song because of its big chorus, and I’d also like to use it as a selling point.

48) Kings Of Leon - “Reverend”

For as big as Kings Of Leon are, I haven’t really heard this song anywhere.

47) Rae Sremmurd f/ Gucci Mane - “Black Beatles”

I always thought Rae Sremmurd were kinda meh (at best) and Gucci Mane was an idiot’s idiot (at absolute best), but this song’s a banger -- and this conclusion was reached prior to it going viral with the Mannequin Challenges. Speaking of... my 2016 Black Wednesday:

A video posted by Bobby L (@bobbystompy) on Nov 23, 2016 at 7:15pm PST

46) Grimes - “Kill V. Maim”

This song is straight out of a video game or action movie. Like, get ready to fight a boss or something.

45) Dave Hause - “With You”

Heartfelt ballad that feels sprawled out across a few genres.

44) Robin Thicke f/ Nas - “Deep”

What do we get when we combine a dude with no credibility and feature a dude with tons of credibility? A sneaky sizzling collab. And if you still got beef, remember: it ain’t that deep.

43) Against Me! - “Rebecca”

A lot of people have had this AM! song on their year end lists, and I wasn’t seeing it, but after a few extra spins, it became pretty clear this was thee highlight from the album. It’s got this kinetic energy, spinning out of control while somehow maintaining perfect balance.

42) Restorations - “See”

Restorations make spectrum songs; ones you listen to while the world moves in slow motion at an airport reunion, while time stops after a death, or stretches out on an overly contemplative Sunday evening. What I’m saying is, these dudes control the clocks.

41) Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties - “Green Like The G Train, Green Like Sea Foam”

Soupy from The Wonder Years’ solo project keeps -- PUN INTENDED -- chuggin’ along with this one. He’s singing in the same gear he always sings in, but the chorus and always trusty synced rhythms that break it in two definitely get me goin’. 

40) Titus Andronicus - “No Future”

Titus Andronicus covering Craig Finn, and they add just the right amount of anguish to the proceedings. There’s such an obvious-yet-still-clever element to the “February’s about as long as it is wide” line.

39) Rihanna - “Needed Me” (NSFW-ish video)

This song is good -- Mustard on the beat, natch -- but RiRi murdering a dude in the back of a strip club in the video might be better.

38) Jeff Rosenstock - “Festival Song”

The former Bomb the Music Industry! singer dipped his toe in a few genres throughout his 2016 album “Worry”, though I’m not sure how to describe this one; it’s kind of spastic punk with some synthy keyboards and a catchy outro, strong enough to throw two capable haymakers as the song enters its final minute. 

37) The Steve Adamyk Band f/ Colleen Green - “Carry On”

I hadn’t even heard of this band a month ago, but “Carry On” has quickly become a favorite; toe-tappin' rock.

36) The Naked And Famous - “Higher”

This band seems like they’d have -- there is no better word I’m so sorry -- epic concerts. Also, don’t miss out on the “In The Air Tonight”-sounding fills.

35) Phantogram - “You Don’t Get Me High Anymore”

Brilliant drum samples, drug stuff, and a pop sensibility; you seriously could not ask for more.

34) Child Bite - “Vermin Mentality”

This song is quite harsh, and I imagine if you had individual approval ratings for all 132 of these songs, it would very easily finish in the bottom five. That said, I think it rocks, and it reminds me of the Dead Kennedys’ best scenario.

33) Joyce Manor - “Last You’ve Heard Of Me”

Sure, I reacted like a mom when I saw Barry’s new neck tattoo in the video, but the song was the redeemer. Recommended if you like the Everclear “Santa Monica” intro, marijuana makes you tired, or you’ve found love in the parking lot outside a karaoke bar.

32) Cassino - “Alabama Song”

If you did happen to listen to “Vermin Mentality”, this’ll probably be the song to get that taste out of your mouth. I love its overall laid back vibe, even if what it’s about remains unclear after a good chunk of listens.

31) Direct Hit! - “Was It The Acid?”

This one lost several punk points after the singer revealed he did not use hard drugs. But still.

30) Bayside - “Pretty Vacant”

My buddy Brian Pawola doesn’t like this song because of the teenage-y “I can’t believe this is my life, I’m pretty vacant all the time” chorus, but that’s precisely why I do. Also, apparently the album it’s off of is called “Vacancy”, haha.

29) PUP - “Familiar Patterns”

Feels weird not picking a single, but this one was always my favorite; the same percussive power, shreddy singing, and unrelenting noise we got in their debut a few years ago. Also funny: they named their 2016 album “The Dream Is Over”, which is what the PUP singer’s doctor told him after diagnosing his vocal chord ailment.

28) Tokyo Police Club - “Not My Girl”

Sometimes, I wanna tell non-punk fans TPC is what all punk rock sounds like, because even though the band has more of a pop-indie element, they do seem like the genre’s best case scenario more often than not.

27) The Falcon - “If Dave Did It”

Feels like sacrilege picking a Dave Hause fronted track for my Falcon choice. After all, this is Brendan Kelly’s group, and after an EP and two full lengths, it’s Dave’s first ever time fronting a song in the band. But this song kept standing out. It also has a small drum solo, and even though basically all drum solos are bad, Neil Hennessy’s on the kit -- so you know you’re in good hands.

26) Chance The Rapper f/ 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne - “No Problem”

Chance’s “Coloring Book” was so positive and creative and multi-faceted that it feels a little wrong to pick a song that’s more traditional rap with typical guests, but it really is the best song, you know? For whatever reason, Lil Wayne’s nonchalant verse was my favorite, with his initial bars being the highlight:

I got problems bigger than these boys My deposits, they be on steroids Lord, free the Carter, n****s need the Carter Sacrificin' everything, I feel like Jesus Carter

But sure, we can also highlight funny 2 Chainz things:

- “Inside of the Maybach look like it came out of Ikea / Run shit like diarrhea” (oh my god)

- “Aye, aye, captain / I'm high, captain / I'm so high / Me and God dappin'” (haha)

Also, if you don’t raise-and-drop your arms for the “huh! huh!” part before the beat kicks in at the beginning after “lobby”, you’re a monster.

25) David Rokos - “Pacific Time”

Falling in lust with a California girl who has the keys to bomb ass hotel room overlooking the ocean? What self-deprecating heterosexual dude isn’t signing up for this?

24) NOFX - “Six Years On Dope”

Thrash punk, with Fat Mike and Eric Melvin divvying up the vocals after arguing to start the song. Here’s the July 2016 description I emailed to the gf:

So, the lead singer has kind of a flat, annoying voice, but then there's this guitarist who mostly does yell parts and not a lot of leads, but in this song, they both basically trade off yelling, and the guitar is blaring, and it just does not relent. They've released a million records at this point, but something about it feels so fresh. Like new blood has been infused into all of them.

You will like... 0% of this.

Her response: “Hahaha. I wouldn't say that I hate this...but it's pretty close.”

23) Beach Slang - “Future Mixtape For The Art Kids”

Of all the artists on this way-too-long list, I had the hardest time picking a Beach Slang song. This is probably because all of their songs sound the same. But as a writer earlier this year said, it’s still a good song. So true. I went with Track 1 from their album “A Loud Bash of Teenage Feelings” (this is the actual title) because it has the biggest chorus:

We're not lost, we are dying in style We're not fucked, we are fucking alive I hope I never die

Every Beach Slang song also has to include “die” or “alive” in the lyrics; this one gets both. Minor gripe: that vocal distortion you hear is an effect used on every other song on the 29 minute record.

22) Kid Cudi f/ André 3000 - “By Design” (no link)

When you think too much, you’re removing what’s moving

This song could literally be in a made up language, but the diction, beat, and Caribbean stylings from Cudi and 3 Stacks would still make you wile out. The full version appears to be nowhere on the free Internet, but I highly recommend finding it.

If you’re too lazy, peep Cudi’s “Goodbye” instead. It’s a pump up track that samples 2Pac and Pink Floyd -- what could go wrong?!

21) Anderson .Paak - “Come Down”

My buddy Ceebs used this as the entrance song at his wedding; he and his wife looked so cool.

20) The Weeknd - “False Alarm”

Listen, I wanted to include “Starboy”. But after shunning “The Hills” for “Can’t Feel My Face” in 2015, I wanted to pick the weird song over the poppier one this time, OK? This music video is so violent. I also really do wonder if this song has borderline punk elements.

19) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Higher”

Just a Carly Rae “Emotion” b-side cracking the Top 20, no big deal. Seeing CRJ in Milwaukee in March was my favorite concert of 2016; so much so that I saw her in Chicago the next day and even exchanged a shirt (...cutoffs) with the merch guy I’d met already.

18) Brian Fallon - “Red Lights”

We have The Gaslight Anthem singer’s solo project here. This could definitely be a TGA song. “I only stop to tell her that I love her at the red lights” = unstoppable swoon.

17) Jay-Z - “Spiritual”

I need a drink, shrink or something I need an angelic voice to sing something

A song that should’ve had a much bigger spotlight in an incredibly tumultuous year. I remember listening to this during the Dallas shootings, my heart absolutely breaking for the country. Here is the statement Hov released with the track:

16) Justin Timberlake - “CAN’T STOP THE FEELING!”

Our Song of the Summer, 2K16.

The one critique you could give is maybe it’s a little too easy, a little too low hanging fruit, but my counter would be: who said pop music has to be terribly difficult? And if you’re still folding arms during the “Can’t stop the fee-laaaaahn” falsetto part, having fun probably isn’t your bag.

15) Get Well Cards - “Is It Worth It?”

I think you’re trying to kill me, when you said you’d lick my wounds

I play drums on this jam, but it’s Dave Rokos’ songwriting that gives me all the feels. It always reminded me of a slightly more restrained “Good Things”. This song is about sleeplessness, deep contemplation, and a deteriorating relationship; you don’t know if you should do everything you can to hold on... or mercifully let it all go (”And they say time is all we have to give / And I think I’ve given you enough”... oof).

14) Resolutions - “Daily Train”

Blindly assumed this band was from Canada, but, upon further research, it looks like Germany. Hmm. The singer sounds like the Rise Against dude to me.

13) Mike Posner f/ Big Sean - “Buried In Detroit (Lucas Lowe Remix)”

Hunger > Strategy

The Mike Posner comeback was one of the more delightful storylines of 2016. Though I liked “Ibiza” quite a bit, I had a softer spot for the one with his fellow Michigander. This is my favorite Big Sean performance of the year, and Posner’s verses and choruses are straight anthemic.

12) blink-182 - “Rabbit Hole”

Though we can all agree “Built This Pool” is the best song of all-time (Travis’ “Is that really it?” = completely perfect), “Rabbit Hole” was a bit more well-rounded -- and it’s Matt Skiba getting in the mix in a blink-182 song (verse two); I can’t believe we’re here.

11) Kanye West f/ Kendrick Lamar - “No More Parties In L.A.”

In honor of its number on our dear list, my Top 11 favorite bars from this banging banger of a song...

11. Kanye: “And as far as ‘Real Friends’, tell all my cousins I love 'em / Even the one that stole the laptop, you dirty motherfucker” (he’s not over it)

10. Kanye: "My psychiatrist got kids that I inspired / First song they played for me was 'bout their friend that just died” (creepy, ominous)

9. Kanye: “Hey baby, you forgot your Ray Bans / And my sheets still orange from your spray tan” (very South Naperville)

8. Kendrick: “She said she came out here to find an A-list rapper / I said baby, spin that 'round and say the alphabet backwards” (the young MC will not be slighted)

7. Kanye: "Thinking back to how I got here in the first place / Second class bitches wouldn't let me on first base" (those days are probably over, Yeezy)

6. Kanye: “Got pussy from beats I did for n****s more famous / When did I become A list? I wasn't even on a list” (those days are also probably over, Yeezy)

5. Kendrick: “Well cutie, I like your bougie booty / Come Erykah Badu me" (that’s just good game)

4. Kanye: “Every agent I know, know I hate agents / I'm too black, I'm too vocal, I'm too flagrant” (empowering)

3. Kanye: “I was uninspired since Lauryn Hill retired / And 3 Stacks, man, you preach it to the choir” (golden)

2. Kanye: "Mulholland Drive, need to put up some god damn barricades / I be paranoid every time, the pressure / The problem ain't I be drivin' / The problem is I be textin'" (we’ve all been there)

1. Kanye: “I be worried 'bout my daughter, I be worried 'bout Kim / But Saint is baby 'Ye, I ain't worried 'bout him” (and we’ll end with my favorite rap lyric of 2016)

10) Daya - “Hide Away”

It took a few listens to realize how sublime this one is. The lyrics are solid, the beat is great, and they display some real patience with how the hi-hat notes are deployed, and it really helps control the flow of urgency (Posner uses this tactic in the “Buried In Detroit [Remix]” as well).

Also, don’t sleep on its grocery store banger potential with the happier sounding and cutesy “Tell me where the good boys go” bridge.

9) Beyoncé f/ Kendrick Lamar - “Freedom” (note: link is to the live performance)

This is big.

I remember when “Lemonade” dropped, I was txting with my friend Buffalo Grove Tina (she’d heard the album and I hadn’t yet), giving her selective feedback as I was progressing through the tracks. She then sent a message that stuck with me every listen since:

Hooooooly buckets, she nailed it. The Just Blaze beat should be sent to the CDC, Yoncé is breathing fire, and once you start to finally wrap your head around all of that, you get a K-Dot verse as icing on a cake that already had great cake and great icing. It’s run-through-walls time.

8) Drake - “One Dance” (note: link is to the live version)

Drake has been so consistent with his output this decade, turning every year into a "Should I pick the hip-hop song or the pop song?" debate when it comes to list-making. This time, the pop song wins (or dancehall, really).

"One Dance" is a good joint to drink, dance, or sway to. There's a reason it became his most streamed song of all-time.

7) The Hotelier - “Piano Player”

What a beautiful piece of music. The warmness I feel during the “I don’t know if I know love no more” is unmatched. Their album (”Goodness”) is one of the year’s best.

6) Culture Abuse - “Dream On”

This song is automatic pulverization. Like, about 80% of the way through, it tries to end but somehow can't. The chorus isn't ready to be done. Some have compared the singer's style to a robot, but I think it just sounds *cool*.

5) Japandroids - “Near To The Wild Heart Of Life”

She kissed me like a chorus

Skeptics might hate on this song for sounding like a retread of their sound from 2012's legendary album "Celebration Rock", and even non-skeptics may roll their eyes at the "I used to be good, but now I'm bad" line. But I shun these trigger happy notions. Enough time has passed since “CR”, and I was ready for this band to come back; beyond ready. This song gave me everything I was missing during the Japan-void.

/walks out of the room with an unflinchingly straight face

4) Pusha T f/ Jay-Z - “Drug Dealers Anonymous”

My pick for the best hip-hop track of the year. No choruses, no trade offs; it’s one long Pusha verse, then one long Jay verse -- the best rap verse of 2016, by my count. Pusha’s is galvanizing too, though. He paints pictures, conjures the Flint water crisis*, and sets up a bowling pin for the GOAT to roll one at...

/deep breath

Just, like, fuck, man.

JAY-Z IS SO GOOD AT RAPPING WORDS

Shawn Corey Carter doesn’t walk, he weaves. He doesn’t blast, he shoots silenced. I’d love to use the word “ether” to describe the verse but won’t out of respect. What doesn’t it have? I don’t know. Here’s what it does have: Tomi Lahren she gone, drug dealer stuff, rich guy stuff, historical and pop culture references (I’ll defend the “Damn, Daniel” line to the death), and this piece of divinity: “Y’all think Uber’s the future, our cars been autonomous”.

Sometimes all I can do is put my head down, bite my lip, and bob when this song comes on; lucky to be alive, like always.

(* - Pusha apparently donated water to the city but wanted it nameless, rationalizing it in the song with: “And I can’t even mention what I sent or what I spent / Cause my name in 18 wheelers is evidence”)

3) Modern Baseball - “Apple Cider, I Don’t Mind”

MoBo’s “Holy Ghost” was a little uneven as an album, but I’m just happy to have singer Brendan Lukens here with us after his bout with depression, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. By the time he got back to the studio after rehab, he was ready to give us at least a little insight into his psyche -- and it’s desperate, scary, and beautiful. My favorite overall musical moment of 2016 is the pleading “I can’t” he hits at the 1:15 mark of this one.

Clocking in at a tick under two minutes, this song almost feels incomplete in a way that 2014′s “Rock Bottom” (2:14 itself) didn’t. It’s like Lukens wants to sprint so hard he passes out, worrying not as much about finishing the race but instead focusing on giving the audience all of himself while in the booth.

2) Pinegrove - “New Friends”

Hit me, Spin:

Pinegrove are almost radically likable, soft-spoken in a year of grandiose statements, filling a void that only existed in retrospect.

Damn straight. I hadn’t even heard of these guys at the start of the year.

This goes from indie folk to a Weezer-y outro with only a short build up, but the songwriting and lyrics are in a style all their own, really. That’s it.

1) The Menzingers - “Lookers”

When this dropped, my buddy Chris Trott emailed me what he always emails me when a new song piques our interest: “Holy good god damn this is good. This is like 'I believe in music again' good.”

Shortly after, I remember leaving work for lunch and bumping the song for the first time in a parking lot. I wrote him back: “Was staring at this brick wall while listening and the first thought that popped into my head was something like 'It feels like they are taking my soul out of my body and splattering it on that wall' (in the best way, of course).”

Nostalgic verses, massive Jersey chorus, an “On The Road” reference, and the desire to want more of these songs even after you were just given everything in a single installment.

This god damn band.

[unclecrizzle]

THE BEST TV OF 2017: THE UNCLE CRIZZLE EDITION

Too much horrible shit happened to me in 2017 to get fully immersed in binge-watching EVERY GOTDAMN SHOW THAT’S OUT THERE! (I don’t know how Questlove does it!) But I dipped into several things that turned out to be some exceptional TV. And they are:

1.       Twin Peaks: The Return (Showtime) – Mark Frost and David Lynch’s 18-part trip back the ABC cult soap they somehow got on network TV in the ‘90s is still a magnificent ride. Hilarious, terrifying, baffling, addictive, mystifying -- every episode left me wanting more. And by the time it got to its expectation-obliterating mindfuck of a last episode, this revival-for-people-who-hate-revival’s message was pretty clear: Maybe it’s best to leave the past in the past.

2.       American Vandal and The Keepers (Netflix) – Keepers is a jaw-dropping, true-crime series about the decades-old, unsolved murder of a nun and the unspeakable acts she knew was happening at a catholic school. Vandal is a dizzyingly clever dramedy that poked fun at Keepers, Making a Murderer and other shows of its ilk. What both shows brilliantly did was convey the secrets, lies and personal confusion teenagers usually deal with during their formative years. Fuck war – high school is hell!

3.       Bojack Horseman (Netflix) and Rick and Morty (Adult Swim) – These two savagely satirical cartoons are also the best tragicomedies that are currently on TV. Both shows feature arrogant, astoundingly damaged protagonists who stay suspended in a state of self-centeredness, almost unwilling to accept the damage they end up inflicting upon the people they claim to care about. Man, why are animated shows often the realest shows on TV?  

4.       Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS) – I don’t understand why late-night talk shows rarely get ten-best love this time of year. These two shows not only give consistent, nightly entertainment, but two hosts – guys who took a while for them to truly find their footing – who aren’t afraid to be honest and opinionated when it comes to what’s happening in the world. Letterman would be proud.

5.       Better Things (FX) and One Day at a Time (Netflix) – I don’t know if Louis CK’s sexual-misconduct trouble brought the show more into mainstream focus, but more people (especially critics) realized this season what I realized last season: Pamela Adlon’s single-mom-com is a work of sarcastic, cathartic genius. Meanwhile, the Latin reboot of Norman Lear’s iconic single-mom-com turned out to be an actually well-done revamp. Speaking of moms on the edge…

6.       I’m Sorry (truTV) – The best new show none of y’all probably saw was Andrea Savage’s savagely funny sitcom that started out as a Curb Your Enthusiasm for women, but ended up being a witty look at how a married funnywoman (played by Savage, of course) with kids tries to stay sane and appropriate in the City of Angels.

7.       Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) and Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (TBS) – The Daily Show vets continue to fight the good fight during our Trumpalicious times, making sense of all this terrible, terrible shit and trying to mine some comedy out of it. At this point in the game, these two are basically comedy angels – and they seriously need a hug.

8.       The Carmichael Show (NBC) -- The minute I saw that its third-season opener would be about rape (a very funny episode, BTW), I knew that this sitcom’s days were numbered. But I’m still pissed that this usually brilliant, often hilarious, all-the-way Black show was cut in his prime. There’s a special place in hell for the execs who foolishly thought Marlon would be a suitable replacement after this show got the ax.

9.       Insecure (HBO) – Although there were a couple of off episodes (what was the deal with that blow-job ep?), Issa Rae’s catty-but-cackle-worthy sitcom still remains a heavily divisive yet wildly fascinating show for folk who need to know how single Black people are living these days. BTW, BEST MUSIC CUES EVER!

10.   The Defiant Ones (HBO) – Allan Hughes’s rollicking, four-part chronicle of the partnership between workaholic musical hellraisers Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine is basically a less-bleak O.J.: Made in America, a novelistic look at how music and culture has changed in the forty years – and how these guys changed it.

OK, one more…

11: Patton Oswalt: Annihilation (Netflix) – By far, the best comedy special that dropped in 2017 was Patton Oswalt’s searing but unbelievably funny latest, where he delved into the sudden death of his wife and how life has generally been after that. Also, shout-out to Dave Chappelle for immediately following up those tone-deaf specials he dropped earlier in the year with the hilarious, honest two-punch of Equanimity and The Bird Revelation.