#xiao pang

[funplings]

xiao pang... i love you...

[isshi69nikkei]

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Unknown, Ep 11: To Grow Taller

Alright y’all, I just want to say that I am not super thrilled with how Episode 11 went. I felt like they completely obliterated the emotional build up to the change over after they did such a great job of navigating it in Episode 10. 

So as much as there were some lovely images of hands, I’m not that interested in writing about it. So it is time, it is time to do the thing I should have done long ago. 

It is time to write about Lili and San Pang. 

Hands down my favorite part of this episode (and probably one of my favorite scenes of the series) was seeing the two of them interact, of seeing more of Lili’s inner workings, of understanding that she knows more than she lets on. I loved Yuan telling Qian that Lili is smart, and I loved the proud little smile Qian had when he heard that. 

The most important scene in this episode, to me, starts with the height wall. That thing has been causing me psychic damage since episode one. It pans down to Lili. I like how long the camera lingers on her eyes. Lili has seen everything that has happened in their lives and she’s been spared from a lot of the violence, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t beared witness to it. 

I was really struck by her words to San Pang: 

“When we were little, Qian was always there to help us with everything we did. He would measure our height every year. I always wondered when I could grow taller than him. Then I could protect him.” 

I know we have seen Lili constantly take a back seat in this story. We have seen her even acknowledge Qian’s focus on Yuan multiple times throughout the show. We don’t see her doing as much for Qian as Yuan does. She doesn’t know how to wrap up leftovers, she’s not a great cook, she doesn’t try to pay the household bills. But that’s because she loves Qian like a sister does, she’s got a secure position in the household, she’s not trying to be Qian’s partner, and it is a testament to Qian’s love for Lili that she does not know how to do some of the basic life things, because it means that she’s been so well taken care of she hasn’t been forced to learn.

There are all these little elements scattered across the series that show Qian’s love for Lili. The picture on his desk at home is of him, Yuan, and Lili at Qian’s graduation. He has the magazine she’s featured in on display. He immediately softens on his anger towards her relationship with San Pang when she asks him to go on a family vacation. 

She has seen how much Qian has suffered, and she loves Qian enough to want to shield him from any more harm. 

And San Pang is so lovely in this scene, with his head resting on the stair railing, a sleepy look of love on his face as he stares at Lili. I love the way San Pang smiles to himself when she tells him this. Because Qian is family to San Pang and San Pang is family to Qian. San Pang loves Qian and wants what is best for him always. And I do think there is a difference there between the soft, dreamy, comfortable expression he has when looking at the woman he loves, and the small smile that lights up his eyes at the thought of Lili loving her brother enough to want to protect him.

Lili’s face is serious, and she does not always look in San Pang’s direction when she talks:  

“Even though he is a few years older than us, his hands are always covered in scars and calluses.” Lili tells the ground. It’s interesting to me to see when she is comfortable enough reviving a memory to look San Pang in the eyes because she doesn’t do so until partway through her hand cream story:

“One year, I took the hand cream my classmates gave me” she looks at San Pang “and rubbed it on his hands at midnight.”

The camera cuts to San Pang who is listening to Lili absolutely enraptured by her. And I do have to commend the show for how they have navigated Lili and San Pang’s relationship change. In very few frames, with little fanfare or flare they have made San Pang and Lili’s relationship clear, understandable, and believable. We’ve had like, two minutes of them together up through now, and all I need to believe these two will be together forever is all in the way that San Pang looks at Lili. That man is not only head over heels in love with Xiao Bao, he’s ass over tea kettle in love with her as well. 

“He scolded me for it. Do you know why?”

“I do.” San Pang says with a smile. And I love that because we remember that San Pang and Qian have grown up together. San Pang has been helping take care of Qian and the rest of the family for years. You know in the way that San Pang smiles that he is remembering Qian as a young man complaining about Lili lotioning his hands in the middle of the night. Hell, I can picture Qian’s rant right now. “Because it smelled like roses.”

Lili laughs and covers her face in embarrassment. “That’s right.”  

But like a lot of scenes in this show, the transition from lighthearted to more serious changes on a dime. Lili’s face slips back in to a frown as she turns over a thought. “Nobody cares about Qian.”

And this is what it feels like sometimes, with how stubborn Qian is, with how much weight he wants to carry for himself, with how much debt he owes to the likes of Le, Xiong, and San Pang. But they don’t expect repayment, they did this because they care about Qian. San Pang has helped Qian weather many many storms. He has pushed when Qian needed pushing, he has pulled when Qian needed to be held back. 

“Yes, they do. We all love your brother.” 

Qian has so much love in his life, if only he stopped long enough to see it. If only he let go long enough to feel it. I was not thrilled with how they fumbled so much of the emotional weight of Qian and Yuan getting together in this episode, but I am glad the show took time to highlight how much they all love Qian and to show the audience that they want to protect Qian just as much as Qian wants to protect the rest of them. 

All this to say San Pang and Lili work incredibly well together as a couple, and I’m so happy that we got to have this little moment between them, both to breathe a bit more life in to their relationship and to remind us all that Yuan is right. Lili is not as naive as she seems.

__

All gifs by the lovely, wonderful, marvelous @wanderlust-in-my-soul. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST <3

[tokumusume]

[tinesleftnipple]

LOL at san pang wearing a short sleeve turtleneck the day after they got caught with hickeys

[movielosophy]

Till the End of the Moon  | I need money to feed my baby

[wriothesleypieces]

Brount in front of Robespierre

Brount when Fouché visited

[heymeowmao]

长月烬明 | Till the End of the Moon E35 ° I’m not afraid of turning this stone. I just don’t want to live in the dark.

[lyselkatz]

Fated Earthly Entanglements

My boy Páng YíZhi and his Camellia Prince/martial-nephew/protégé/bestie.

🐱

Seriously though, Xiao Lîn looks so much happier with him.

...☕?/commission

[junoprr]

@cquackity-apologist

Bear Selfies Captured By Camera Traps

[thisonelikesaliens]

jt620123 ig 05.20.24

writer/producer of the show posted a 520 (i love you) special that was pure domestic fluff with Qian and Yuan babysitting their niece. big disclaimer again, not a writer but tried my best to translate the joy i got from this piece and hoped i managed to spread some of that joy to this fandom

Not yet a year old, here Xiao Xiao Bao was again at her uncles' place. Xiao Bao had become a fairly well-known celebrity in the Asian entertainment world, and San Pang would be following her whenever she had to travel for work, which meant her brothers were on for babysitting duty.

Wei Qian never thought his sister's career would take off after getting married and having a child. These days, not many female celebrities would so openly talk about their partners and children, and perhaps it was exactly because of the way Xiao Bao set herself apart from the industry norms that she garnered so much support.

Wei Qian put down the magazine after reading the exclusive interview of Xiao Bao and her family (that he noted did not include her brothers). He picked up Xiao Xiao Bao who was happily entertaining herself and complained to her about her mom.

"That interview about your mom's family should've included your uncles, right? We're way more good-looking than your dad! Here, let me see…it's a good thing you look like your mom instead of your dad."

As if to show that she did not appreciate the disrespect towards her parents, Xiao Xiao Bao began to cry.

Wei Qian tried to pacify her but her cries became louder, so he picked her up and went to prepare formula, but Xiao Xiao Bao was still crying and wouldn't take the bottle.

Utterly defeated, Wei Qian had to ask for help.

"XIAO YUAN, HOW MUCH LONGER IS YOUR CONFERENCE CALL?"

Wei Qian put the bottle on the table and decided to check Xiao Xiao Bao's diaper.

"Sorry, give me a moment. I'll call you back soon." Wei Zhi Yuan ended his call and came downstairs.

As soon as Wei Zhi Yuan appeared, Wei Qian passed a still wailing Xiao Xiao Bao over to him.

"She's not taking the bottle, I think she needs a diaper change."

Yuan checked the time, checked the diaper, then picked up the bottle to check the temperature.

"It's too hot, run it under cold water for 30 seconds." Wei Zhi Yuan instructed as he handed the bottle to Wei Qian.

Wei Qian took the bottle and went into the kitchen, grumbling under his breath about the trials and tribulations of babysitting.

Wei Zhi Yuan sat down with Xiao Xiao Bao on his lap, wiped her tears and rocked her back and forth while humming. Xiao Xiao Bao's cries turned to sniffling and eventually stopped completely, then she grabbed Wei Zhi Yuan's finger and started to put it in her mouth.

"I'm so sorry, your little uncle lost track of time, you must be hungry! Don't be mad at your aunt, he can't even take care of himself…"

"Who did you call 'aunt'?" Wei Qian said menacingly while thrusting the bottle in Yuan's face. Realizing his mistake, Yuan took the bottle and corrected, "I'm the little uncle in charge of changing diapers~you're the best BIG UNCLE in the world in charge of feeding her~"

Pacified, Wei Qian sat down next to Wei Zhi Yuan and watched him feed their niece.

"I fed Xiao Bao like this when I was a kid too, and now I can't believe I'm watching you feed her and San Pang's daughter…"

That made Wei Zhi Yuan chuckle. Wei Qian yawned, then leaned on Yuan's arm, playing absently with Xiao Xiao Bao's little feet.

After Xiao Xiao Bao finished the bottle, Wei Zhi Yuan leaned forward to put the bottle back on the table and noticed that Wei Qian had already fallen asleep, his head sliding down and nesting comfortably on his lap.

Wei Zhi Yuan burped Xiao Xiao Bao while watching Wei Qian fondly, then bent down to press a kiss on Wei Qian's forehead.

"No matter who you are, from now on we will never be apart as long as we live."

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

How they Kiss You (Kaeya, Xiao, Zhongli, Tighnari)

cw:Fluff, Very suggestive, very slight Kaeya angst

Kaeya x gn!reader, Xiao x gn!reader, Zhongli x gn!reader, Tighnari x gn!reader

Requests and Asks are OPEN

Kaeya

Kaeya's kisses come in several forms depending on his moods

More often than not they're teasing kisses, quick, with varying amounts of tongue. 

Somehow they still manage to leave you breathless and always, always wanting more

Kaeya seems to find your reactions amusing. He’ll pull away only for you to chase after him. After doing this several times he’ll “give in” and capture your lips for something long and passionate that makes all the teasing worth it. These usually lead to a good fucking that leaves both of you sleepy and satisfied

Other times, however, his kisses are incredibly gentle. They’re slow and sweet, accompanied by fingers in your hair or a hand cupping your cheek. These ones don't lead to anything more.

Or rather, these soft make out sessions lead to heart-pangs because you know that this is one of the ways Kaeya comforts himself. He loves your kiss, he loves your touch, and he lets them drive away the pain that he can’t always bury

sprinkled between these longer kisses, both the comforting ones and the passionate ones, are kisses to the top of your head

He finds it absolutely hilarious when you pout and glare because it’s all too easy for him to use his height to his advantage like that

Xiao

Xiao’s kisses change greatly as your relationship develops

At first his kisses are very hesitant. He often lets you take the initiative

When he does initiate he treats you a little like glass. He sees his strength as a yaksha and doesn’t want to accidently hurt you. Not when he’s finding that he’s craving something a little more passionate

Eventually, however you do manage to convince him that as human as you are, you’re not fragile. That humans are built to kiss and be kissed

Once he figures this out, make out sessions change drastically

You frequently find yourself perched on his lap, arms around his shoulders while he rests his hands on your hips. really, there isn’t an inch of space between you as you kiss until both of you are breathless

Zhongli

Honestly, full out, blistering make out sessions don’t happen very often with Zhongli (not that he can’t. Every now and then he gets in the mood and good bye underwear, lol)

He prefers things that are softer, more subtle, especially in public. Cheeks, fingers, foreheads, quick kisses on the lips, each full of tenderness and love. You never ever doubt the depth of feeling the ex-archon has for you

Despite his fondness for chaste kisses, things that say “I love you” not “let me fuck you”, he’s just as adept at diving you mad with lust

He presses kisses to your wrists, your neck--he really, really, really like kissing your neck, whether he’s trying to start something or not---every now and then using the faintest pressure of teeth.

Either way, you really never complain

Tighnari

I don’t see him giving a lot of casual kisses. He’s busy. You’re busy. Everybody is busy. The forest watch is busy gossiping about you, lol. So kisses and other forms of affection are kept to the moments that can be stolen from daily life

That doesn’t mean he’s opposed to kisses and stuff though. See, with him it’s not as much about how he kisses you, but where he kisses you.

Any chance he gets, he’s dragging you out of the forest watcher camp in an attempt to get some privacy and attempt to prevent some of the gossip that comes with living in relatively close quarters with people and up a tree.

He found very early on in your relationship that Sumeru’s massive trees make very good make out spots. Not only is it far away from anyone watching or listening in, but the leaves provide plenty of cover.

Of course, “where” doesn’t just refer to the trees

Tighnari is a researcher through and through. Since you started dating he’s come to enjoy “researching” the best ways to reduce you to a pile of mush

So while deep kisses with lots of tongue is fun, he likes leaves light, teasing kisses on your neck, any exposed skin on your chest, the skin just below your ears, and anything else he can get to.

There have been many occasions where his “research” has prompted experiments in just how far you can go in a tree.

[squiddy-god]

Xiao and his "friend"

If you see this and you think, "hey, I've seen this work before" you probably have, as I previously went by squid-God-Supreme, however, my blog got nukes, so I am re uploading almost all of my old fics. Once I'm finished uploading all the ones I intend to, I will announce that I am finished, however, after that, if you see I haven't uploaded a specific fic, you remember me writing, you can always request that I upload it.

CW : friends to lovers trope, tooth rotting fluff, Xiao being Really really awkward, gn! Reader, short fic

Being close enough to the yaksha to be considered a friend was a feat on its own 

Another was getting him to fall for you 

And fall he did, xiao had it bad but no one knew as he was rarely seen 

You had gained the yakshas affections, the only problem was how subtle he was 

Xiao has little experience with romance and while one might assume he'd be direct with such feelings, they would be wrong

Eons of pain and melania of suffering only served to teach him that gentle thing where simply no meant for him, that he would only drive them away

Too fearful of once again returning to that aching loneliness, he sought the help of zhongli

Much of xiao's romantic subtleties stem from the former god, his years of knowledge on seemingly anything has taught him various traditions and intracys of love and commerce alike. 

 The glances he steals when you sleep, the longing gaze that fills his amber eyes- and the gentle hand that wishes for nothing more than to touch your cheek, all too quick to retreat when you stir in your slumber, not knowing that you would have grasped his hand in yours. 

You were a sweet dream, a love he longed for yet one he said he could not obtain. 

But unbeknownst to the adepti you felt the same 

You loved xiao, more than he would ever know 

You didn't think yourself good enough of his affections, solemnly convincing yourself that he couldn't harbor affection for you 

You called yourself a fool for believing that there was even a chance that he would return your feelings 

And while you knew you had no right to be jealous of the traveler it didn't stop the ache you felt 

He looked so at peace with them, and you wondered if you had ever seen the same when you were with him 

Xiao was tired, he was growing impatient with this pining, and the distance that you seemed to create made his hands twitch anxiously 

Had he made a mistake? Had he reached to close and caused you to fly away? 

You no longer stood as close to him, your hands did not brush against his gloved ones and your visits to the inn began to lessen 

He felt it again, the gnawing at his mind as it screamed that he had hurt you in some way and the painful beats of his heart as they rang in his ears 

It felt awful to stand so far away from him, inches feeling like miles as you hoped he didn't notice the sadness in your eyes 

But it was for the better you told yourself

You took a deep breath as you walked up the stairs of the inn, a silent prayer that the yaksha was not there tonight. “Is xiao here?” you asked, feigning hopefulness as you looked at verr. “Ah no, im sorry dear, he went with the traveler to help with a commission” that hurt, despite the hope that he wouldn't be there it didn't stop the pang of jealousy. You shoot these thoughts quickly reminding yourself that this is what you wanted. “But why don't you leave him some almond tofu, i'm sure he'd appreciate it” you nodded and smiled, it would be suspicious if you declined, so of course you picked up the plate and made your way to the top floor of the inn. What verr had told you was no lie, xiao had gone with the traveler to complete a commission, however he had returned a while ago, neglecting to inform verr of his return, knowing that if you heard he was here you wouldn't come. So he waited with narrowed eyes for your figure to come up. He was done with this, he would figure out exactly why you had created this distance. He was thankful that the inn was slow tonight, no one was on the top floor, it was the perfect opportunity to confront you. 

Your lips were tugged down in a frown, the glossy look in your eyes made something in xiao break, once the plate of almond tofu was set on the floor and you had turned back to quickly retreat from the inn he appeared. Strong arms caged you against the railing as a piercing amber gaze lingered on yours. His hand held one of your wrists so you couldn't run away, but his grip was feather light, gentle and not bruising. “Why?” his voice was loud enough for only you to hear, but it held no aggression or malice. You could only stare back confused, why what? You didn't understand. “I have told you before, the bond between us is too strong to sever now. So why? What has made you want to sever it?” he was too close, your eyes couldn't dart anywhere but his burning gaze. “I don't know what you-” he pressed closer to you, “you do.” he stated as if it was a fact set in stone. “You just seem happy with them, I don't want to ruin that with my feelings” it was his turn for confusion to take hold. “The traveler” you clarified. 

It all seemed to click in his head and he sighed, resting his head against yours. His eyes were still wide open, gold irises swimming with relife. “Are you really such a dense mortal? Have you truly not noticed my affections? or my courtship?” Xiao asked, his hand leaving your wrist to cup your cheek. You stared in shock, you wanted to pinch yourself to know you weren’t dreaming. “Mortal memories are inadequate, perhaps you need a reminder that the bond between us is too strong to be severed, especially now.” 

It really was like a sweet dream, the feeling of his lips pressed gently to yours, any worry harbored washing away as you wondered if he was really there. But he was, and he had no intention of leaving, of course it wasn't as if you'd let him, your hands finding purchase on his arms as such a light kiss left your breathless.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Episode 10: The Couch

Wow @lurkingshan, it’s like you really know me! This scene is exactly what I was going to talk about for Episode 10 because the fucking TENSION put so much weight in to the air when I was watching that I could hardly breathe. 

CHRIS CHIU

THE ACTOR THAT YOU ARE

Scene Breakdown time!

First of all, I love the little couple dynamic moments we get between Lili and San Pang, where Lili has to tap San Pang in to Yuan and Qian’s fight. San Pang arrives and in a very strategic move informed by knowing Qian and Yuan for a significant amount of their lives, he arrives with food he knows will go over well with Qian and will test Yuan’s ears (he comes down the stairs from his room to throw the food away after all). 

Which, let’s just acknowledge that when Yuan comes downstairs and takes all the alcohol and greasy food away, the moment Yuan approaches the coffee table, Qian looks back towards the TV screen pretending he is disinterested in the situation at hand. But his eyes give him away because he keeps glancing at Yuan when he thinks he can steal a second. And stealing is what he is trying to do because he keeps his head pointed directly towards the television, while looking for half a second at Yuan out of the corner of his eye when Yuan leans over to collect the food. After that moment, Qian does not look towards Yuan again until Yuan has turned around and Qian can stare at his back. 

It must be said. Chris is a phenomenal actor, because even without seeing his face, just the top of his head, you can kind of tell the mood that Qian is in as Yuan walks away, because he turns towards Yuan. We see Yuan look in Qian’s direction, Qian moves his head further back to look at San Pang, then looks away shaking his head. I acknowledge I’m probably reading too much in to it, but I can feel the incredulity radiating off of that head shake. 

Yuan heads up the stairs, and Qian looks towards the staircase only after Yuan has disappeared. His head movement is so much more obvious than his previous motions that it literally looks like Qian is breaking character, or like he was previously frozen and had only now been allowed to breathe. Qian’s eyes look up towards the staircase (towards Yuan’s absence), then downward as he thinks about his next move, then back towards San Pang, then down once more as he makes a decision about whether or not he wants to Start The Conversation. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul (my savior)

Qian here is trying to check that Yuan is out of earshot because he Will Not have the The Conversation about His Feelings if there is a chance that Yuan will know about it. 

With the heaviest of sighs, Qian gives San Pang an opening: “Did you buy those for me, or for him to throw away?”  Qian asks, and once again looks out of the corner of his eye, getting serious “Or for him to throw away?” 

And there is no doubt in my mind that it is the latter. San Pang bringing food that would trigger Yuan’s care instincts towards Qian, cause Yuan to intervene, and San Pang to bear witness to the tense and angry energy from Yuan towards Qian and force the issue. I think it’s partially why Qian does not deliberate for long in starting the conversation despite his hesitancy. 

San Pang scoffs and says in response “He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t care about you. Xiao Yuan can’t bear to leave you alone.” holds up the salad as a physical example of the care that Yuan has for Qian. 

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Qian gives another giant exhale and looks contemplative. Something that I do find really important in good acting is the use of internal monologue. Qian always has something on his mind that he is sitting with. And the benefit of a scene like this is that the production team, and the camera trust the strength of their actors to hold the silence that settles over the room as Chris runs the gambit of Qian’s internal thoughts. 

Qian is well and truly sitting with the acknowledgement of Yuan’s feelings from San Pang. Maybe I am wrong because I am not an actor, but I do not have the kind of intentional and conscious control over my face to have the kinds of lip twitches that Chris has when Qian is thinking about Yuan’s care for him. They may have twenty seconds of silence on screen, but that does not mean the scene isn’t still in motion. There are so many little things happening in the span between San Pang’s comment about Yuan and his next reflection on sending Yuan away. 

“Xiao Yuan can’t bear to leave you alone,” Qian turns that over in his mind, to me it’s like he’s feeling the weight of it on his tongue, in his body. Qian looks up, and then around, and tosses the remote to the side, breathes heavily again. That feels like a begrudging acceptance of the statement. At the very least it is permission from Qian to proceed with the difficult conversation. 

“Before I had Yuan leave the country, I had been thinking I was doing the right thing for you two. But seriously, be honest, did you feel empty when Yuan was away?”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Qian blinks twice and we cut to a flashback of a lovely little isolated frame of Qian feeling Yuan’s absence. We cut back to a close up of Qian’s face and his lip twitches. Which I love because it feels like an involuntary admission. We know Qian, we know that boy is stubborn and stoic, that he muscles through all the pain, that he does not let many people see his weaknesses. San Pang asks Qian if he felt empty and Qian does. not. move. He holds exactly the same position, lounging on the couch with his hand behind his head like he is unmoved, unaffected by San Pang’s question. But that little twitch of his lip gives him away. San Pang has struck a nerve. San Pang has forced Qian to hold a spotlight to the feelings he’s been trying to numb for the last four years. 

“Let me tell you something. When Lili and I first got together,” 

I don’t know about anyone else, but I snorted at the way Qian turned his head to look at San Pang in warning. We still have not seen Qian approve of that relationship. And San Pang knows that he’s staring at the precipice of some truly hot water, which is why he follows up with a “hear me out.” 

Qian relaxes and once again turns to look away from San Pang. From San Pang’s position very little of Qian’s face is visible. So Qian keeps holding a position that will give San Pang as little of a chance of reading him as possible. 

“I’ve struggled too. I…I always wondered what happiness could I bring her? Was I doing the right thing? How could I face you? And then…I felt it wasn’t right. Life is too short.”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Again, I just have to say. CHRIS CHIU IS A PHENOMENAL ACTOR. He does not move a muscle, but you know Qian is locked in on what San Pang is saying because of how he moves his eyes. When San Pang says “life is too short” you can actually see the moment where Qian starts paying more attention to San Pang’s words, because he looks away from the TV and more downward in thought. 

“Getting hung up over it for years, would it be worth all the lost time?” 

Chris changes how he breathes here. You can see Qian take in a deep breath, but he holds it for a few seconds, he lets his nostrils flare, and then you see a large release of breath in the movement of Qian’s chest. This is really really getting to Qian. That nostril flare was not because he was breathing in. Because he’d already taken a breath. It was not because he was breathing out, because we see that happen a few seconds after the nostril flare, without his nose moving again. When Qian flares his nostrils, he is holding his breath, for a rather noticeable amount of time too. 

I love Chris because he embodies Qian so well, I can almost feel the way Qian is feeling internally in all the subtle little ways Chris plays with how Qian holds and releases tension and attention. 

“Who’s been good to me?”

Qian blinks twice, letting the question hit him, and only then does he finally release his breath. 

“Who put me before themselves?” 

San Pang looks at Qian after he finishes asking these hypothetical questions. But Qian is still looking ahead towards the TV, trying to come across as disengaged in the conversation as possible. And San Pang notices that, and that is why he continues to talk. Because Qian is hearing him, he’s listening and processing, but he isn’t engaged. He hasn’t put his body in to the conversation yet, he hasn’t responded to anything that San Pang has said to him. So San Pang keeps pushing. 

“A lot of things are only between you and Yuan. Unless you really have something against being with a guy, Yuan’s the only one who will be by your side, no matter what. Are you really not going to confront it?”

And I love that we pull away from that question to Qian looking like he is lying in a therapist’s chair. And Qian holds that position he has been maintaining throughout the conversation for a few seconds longer. The number of times he blinks the only indication that what San Pang has said is getting through and that Qian is mulling it all over. 

And only then, after San Pang has said all these things about Qian and Yuan’s relationship, in a way that is not judgemental or against the idea of these brothers becoming romantically involved. Only after San Pang has said that Yuan would be by Qian’s side no matter what does Qian set his jaw and push himself up in to a sitting position to continue the conversation. 

San Pang does not know what happened at Le’s gang beyond them being beaten up. So while it is highly likely that he is aware saying that Yuan would follow Qian anywhere is opening a can of worms, he does not understand how much ammunition he has just given Qian to talk about the danger that loving him too deeply has put Yuan in.

We do not give enough credit to film actors for maintaining continuity across scenes, because this man sits up and the first thing Chris has Qian do is massage the back of his head, where the pain of his blood clot sits. I could probably sit here all day trying to talk about all the little facial expressions he does as Qian sits up and starts preparing himself to be vulnerable with San Pang. But we can leave it as merely that. Qian is getting ready to talk to San Pang about some deeply personal stuff.

Personal stuff that Qian usually does not typically get in to. Like, San Pang says he knows what Qian went through, but I do not think he does. I do not think Qian has told him about the sexual assault, or San Pang would not have been trying to throw women at Qian. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“San Pang.” He pauses, and you can see the way he is still noodling, thinking about whether or not he wants to talk to San Pang about all this. And notably, he does not meet San Pang’s eye when he begins “Do you know…” Qian looks to the side, he frowns a little bit, he taps the palm of his hand against the top of the couch arm. It feels so childish and small of him in a way that really struck me. Qian is nervous, he is redirecting that energy in to his motions. In to the tapping, in to looking away, in to not having to reveal deep personal truths sitting that close to another soul. “Do you know what my biggest wish in life is? My biggest wish in life is for them to be happy,” 

Ohhhhhh how that breaks my heart. Qian has suffered so much, he has done so much, he has survived so much. If you were to ask me, I would bet that Qian has never been happy. He was forced at a very young age to take over the role of caregiver. He is both a brother and a father to Yuan and to Lili. And it is a testament to Qian’s love for his family, and the pain he is willing to put himself through that Lili is so bright and vibrant and naive about some of the workings of the world. I believe that Lili is happy. I believe that Qian has succeeded in at least that much. But that is not something he has had a chance to do. “Even if the world comes down, I’ll hold it up.” I have not forgotten that line from last episode. Qian would hold the world together if it meant ensuring his sister’s happiness. 

I do not know what it is, but there is something in the way Chris moves his mouth after he says “My biggest wish in life is for them to be happy,” that just absolutely destroys me, because he makes himself look like this is such a huge confession. 

“Mine is the same.” 

gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“I just want them to grow up healthy and happy, because I’m their big brother.” Qian’s words become so breathy and he’s jabbing his finger straight in to the arm of the couch to drive home his point. These are the words that matter, this is the wish that matters. Qian’s feelings, Qian’s happiness have nothing to do with it. If he’s empty so be it, as long as his siblings are happy and healthy he will wound himself a thousand times over. His fucking face here, once again is just…When Qian takes in a breath, it is shaky. You can tell by the movement of his jaw, which looks like it is moving from side to side a little bit. As he approaches the end of his sentence, it feels like he is trying not to cry. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Yuan’s life might be summed up in two words: Wei Qian 

But Wei Qian’s life is summed up in five: 

Because I’m their big brother. 

“We grew up together. You think I don’t know how hard life’s been on you? But you know that Yuan’s feelings for you are different.” 

Qian looks away incredulously, and there is something else there too, I think. Something in the way that Qian’s eyebrows furrow, the way his mouth hangs open, the way he breathes out. I don’t know that he can really believe that this conversation is happening right now. That San Pang would let these words reach the light of day, that he would acknowledge them so openly, so matter-of-factly. 

“We’ve tried everything. We even sent him abroad for years. You were miserable every day. You love him and he loves you.”

We get more of Qian’s thinking face here as San Pang says these words, his mouth agape, his breath quickening, his eyes moving back and forth as he sorts through his own thoughts. 

But I need to acknowledge San Pang. He has such an intriguing connection to Qian and his family. San Pang has power of Qian, because his parents are Qian’s landlords. He and Qian have been best friends for a very long time, and even though I think it is true that San Pang likely knows the most about Qian’s life history, he does not know it all. He is still, in many facets of his life, acting like a kicked dog and backing down every time he tries to push back against Qian now that Qian knows that he and Lili are together. But when push comes to shove. When Qian’s happiness is impeded, when Qian’s health is at risk, he will tell Qian what Qian needs to hear. 

Whether or not Qian is truly having a hard time parsing through his feelings for Yuan doesn’t matter to me as much as Qian getting permission from multiple people to actually pursue the relationship. In acknowledging all of this, San Pang, the man who at one point told Yuan he could like anyone but Qian, the man that sent Yuan away for four years, is telling Qian that it is okay for Qian and Yuan to be together. He is the external judge that is finally accepting this taboo relationship, because he knows that if he does not show Qian that it is okay for him and Yuan to change from brothers to lovers, that neither Qian or Yuan will have any chance in hell of long term happiness. 

“Even if you’re not together, he’ll be sad to see you sad.” 

Off come Qian’s glasses. Shit is getting serious now. Qian rests his head on his hand, he looks away from San Pang. He really sits with it, you can see the emotions rising up in him, in the way he breathes, in the way his nostrils move, in the way his lips tremble for a second before he speaks. 

gif by @ueasking

“I’m scared, you know?” he turns to look at San Pang, and he sucks in a huge breath through his nose. It’s the first time we’ve seen him breathe so obviously that way throughout the entire scene. GOD, QIAN KILLS ME. 

“You haven’t even tried. What are you scared of?” 

And this is the fascinating thing for me, right? Outside of Yuan, San Pang is Qian’s best friend, but they do not have conversations like this that often. San Pang has tried time and again to start the more serious conversations, to act as an emotional support for Qian, but Qian brushes those conversations off as much as he can. San Pang knew the medical issues, he knows the history, he knows about the pieces of Qian’s life that Qian can’t hide. But he does not know everything, Qian does not usually let himself be this vulnerable with San Pang, hell he hasn’t even told San Pang everything that happened with Le’s gang. He’s about to, but that is only because he is trying to make a point. 

I think he is only having this conversation with San Pang, only admitting he is scared, and confused about his feelings for Yuan because he has literally no one else to talk to about it, and he’s starting to break down to the point that he can’t hold it all in by himself. And San Pang keeps pushing. 

“You know he went to find Le by himself that day?”

“I know.” 

“He was surrounded and beaten by six people, and in the end…”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He sucks in a breath. It takes him a moment to find the strength to form the words, so he forms a gun shape with his hand, which he points quickly a few times to fill the silence and the stillness in the room as he finds the shape of the admission on his tongue. He accentuates the severity of the memory with one final large motion. 

“...they pointed a gun at…” 

Ah, and there it is. The real reason behind Qian’s comment about wanting Lili and Yuan to be happy and healthy because he’s their big brother. Qian will not act on his feelings for Yuan, especially not right now because he is feeling guilty. Not just for sending Yuan away, not just because of the letter, but because Yuan’s unwavering loyalty, protectiveness, and love for Qian got Yuan hurt. Nearly got Yuan killed. Again. 

Qian’s whole world, his entire drive was shattered the day Yuan confessed, when Yuan told Qian that he was suffering. Yuan’s love for Qian was hurting him. But Qian just wants Yuan to be happy and healthy. The chance at having that world again was nearly destroyed with the realization that Yuan almost died abroad. His world was made complete again when Yuan returned home. And it was very nearly destroyed once more when Yuan walked in to that gang in hopes of protecting Qian. 

There is pain in witnessing the kind of love someone would die for. 

Qian can put himself in danger for the sake of his siblings, because from my perspective, Qian never thought his life had much worth. His formative years were filled with horrific abuse, assault under the guise of love, pain, suffering, doing terrible things just to survive. But this is all because he cannot see the forest through the trees, of the life that he has built, of the home that he has built, of the safety that he has built for his siblings. 

Yuan is not allowed to believe his life is less important than Qian’s because no one has ever thought that Qian’s life was more important than theirs. 

“Fuck, you- you’re telling me that now? Then, you…Right now, you…So, you’ve lost…”

Another quick shout out to San Pang, and moreso to the writing for San Pang that they don’t always let him have these brilliant speeches. He was able to navigate the beginning of this conversation because he knew mostly what he was walking in to, but with the reveal of Yuan and Qian’s near death experience, he is fumbling. 

The camera cuts back to Qian. I’d say Qian is listening to San Pang, but not fully present. Chris is doing so many things with his face in that moment. His nostrils are flaring, his lips are tightening like he’s trying to hold something back, he’s rocking his jaw from side to side. 

gif by @ueasking

“So, this isn’t a decision I can make so lightly.” He is almost crying now, he won’t cry, I think the only time we’ve seen him cry is when he was staring the prospect of Yuan’s death directly in the face during Russian Roulette and when he was hugging Yuan afterwards. But you can see the growing frustration and the threat of the tears very clearly on his face. Qian emphasizes the statement by once again jabbing his finger into the couch. 

“I have to consider the future.”  

“Do you want him to have a future without you?”

Let me tell y’all the way I collapsed under the weight of that question…it is no wonder Qian, notoriously quiet Qian, immediately shuts his mouth. I appreciate how much San Pang is willing to be the sacrificial lamb, because that is exactly the question that Qian needed to hear. That is exactly the reality that Qian, Yuan, Lili all face if Qian does not get his blood clot treated. A future without Qian in it. 

Qian needs to know exactly what he is doing to the people he loves by continuing to delay this medical treatment, but San Pang had to know that in asking it, it would only make Qian retreat back in to himself. Which is what Qian usually does. It was a miracle in it’s own right that San Pang was able to get Qian to voice this many of his concerns, to tell him the entire truth, to talk to him about the fear. 

gif by @ueasking

Qian closes his eyes, he lets the blow of the question absorb in to him, and he nods his head. Which, in my opinion, is a brilliant choice because the way he nods does not read to me as a confession that yes, Qian does want Yuan to have a future without him in it, and more so is an admission of defeat from Qian. But because we don’t get verbal confirmation either way, we do not, San Pang does not, Yuan does not get any confirmation one way or the other about what Qian is thinking. 

Qian just nods, lets the silence hang one moment longer, and kicks San Pang out. 

“Go home.” He says. But there is a more promising follow up “Let me think about it.” 

Which feels like the only thing Qian has really been doing for the last four years, but we’ve already established, that boy is about as moveable as a brick wall, and he and Yuan both serve to lose a lot if this goes wrong. 

And there you go @lurkingshan! 4103 words on the mouth twitch, nervous body language, and tears in this scene :D

[dark-night-hero]

Imagine never in a thousand years of being with the Conqueror of Demons, Yaksha or Xiao as he is now called did you think the time would come where he would have to choose between you and one another.

"Xiao."

"No shut up, don't talk to me."

"Xiao." This time you called him softly.

"Not now (First name) I'm trying to consen-"

"It's okay Xiao, let me go."

Imagine you never imagined this day would come. With the three of you, the traveller and him all bruised up and exhausted. The three of you might have defeated the enemy, but here you are in such situation.

Imagine your arms feels slightly numb upon hanging on for as long as you can remember from the cliff and yet the lingering warm touch of your lover was still felt, the same with his trembling touch. You know he was exhausted, and to make matters worst.

Imagine panting, glancing at your side. There was the unconscious traveller being held by Xiao preventing her from falling.

"What are you saying-"

"You knew very well in times like this decision.. decision must be made. Xiao." You smiled at him as you look at those trembling yellow iris of his.

"The others won't arrive until a while. By the time they arrive it would be too late for the two us." You added, swallowing a mouthful of blood.

"It's on you Xiao."

Imagine the way his eyes continued to tremble upon your words, glancing back and forth between you and Lumine. Strange, why is he looking at you like that. Have he made up his mind?

Imagine, it's not like you would mind if he chose her. But still, feeling a light pang on your chest. You want to cry, the sudden urge to cry was there and yet you continued to hold back your tears with a smile.

"Xiao?" Looking at your lover in daze, you chuckle. But soon stopped upon following his gaze, there was a woman.

"Xiao?" Unconsciously, you hold on into his arm, only then did he snapped at it.

"I'm sorry, what were you talking about again?"

Imagine you knew it from the way he looks at her from afar, you knew there was something. So why is he looking at you like that? Why does he kept looking at you like he was ready to let go of the traveller when she was the first for him to reach out a hand as you barely hang in there.

"Xiao. It's okay." You chuckle, a tear rolling down your cheek.

"It's okay, let me go."

"What are you saying- ugh."

Imagine, in the split second. The hand that was holding you loosen. Everything felt slow after that, the way his yellow iris widen, the way his jaw dropped. The way you look at your hand before taking it close to your chest, holding the place where his lingering touch was still felt. You smile, it was warm.

Imagine as you look up, strangely warm breeze blowing on your back. You saw Xiao frantically screaming in which seems at you, the way you saw tears running down those eyes makes you wonder why does he have to make it seems like he accidentally let go of you? Why does he have to make it seems like he was still in love with you. Why does it looks like he would jump off that cliff just to chase after you?

Imagine with every but of strength left. You smile at him.

"Don't come."

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

: Pano ba yan mga beh, mamatay na nga hindi pa pinili. Pain, pighati.

[bluexiao]

#the embrace of the winds

–hugs hc’s to comfort reader who had lost a loved one 

–Aether, Kazuha, Venti, Scaramouche / Wanderer, Xiao; gn! Reader | a request | comfort | to the anon who requested this, i hope this is not too late and i hope you will be comforted with this! p.s. i hope heizou comes home for you too!

XIAO

Amongst anyone, the last remaining Yaksha knows it too well–loss, a feeling, or a predicament that he finds himself familiar with. And even if it is something that he wished for you to never encounter, his protection can only go so far. 

He does not notice your silence at first. As much as he loves your voice, he appreciates your mere presence despite the lingering quietness in the air. But if there was one thing that he noticed, or rather, heard, was the soft sniffles that if it weren’t for his keen and enhanced senses, he would not have detected. 

He embraces you just as how you would embrace him when he is haunted by his losses, by his past, or by his karma. He gives back the same comfort that you give him, and he sincerely hopes he was doing it right. That at the very least, you would feel what he wants you to feel, receive what he has been receiving from you–the love, the care, and the kindness that you’ve been freely giving him. 

His head immediately whips to the side, to face you, only to flinch upon the sight of your forlorn, sunken eyes. 

There was nothing else he could do but hold you in his arms as he whispered assurances that he was going to be there for you, no matter what. He was never going to leave–how can he? Not when you had wrapped him so tightly in his heart and his soul, not when he had seen you like this over the loss of someone very dear to you. Now that he knows, he can never depart from this world, knowing you were still in it. And that was a promise he made to you that very day. 

“Let it out,” he says, voice tender yet steady, firm, “you need not hide it from me. There is no shame in showing one’s feelings… to another.” You told me that yourself, he thinks to himself. 

WANDERER

He is not entirely an empathetic person, but the same could not be said for you. 

Utterly unacceptable. He would feel this burning sensation running through his veins and a pang in his chest the moment he sees a single tear drop from his eyes. 

He’d flinch and stutter, mind running wild as he thinks of every other scenario that could’ve made you do such a face and let out droplets of tears down your cheeks. 

But then, he’ll be quite careful with his words and his actions, making sure that he thinks twice before letting them out. Quite. After all, he is still rough around the edges. Anything that is out of his experience would feel new and he’d naturally feel hesitant with–but the thing is, you are you. And even with that hesitance, he still does it. Because it’s you. 

“W-what the…” he mutters, unable to stop himself once he takes in the sight that you had shown him. 

You, upon hearing his entrance to your shared room, immediately wipe off your tears as you try to suddenly play it off with “Oh, Scara, you’re here… u-uhm, sorry, I’m a mess right now. I just-I just read something depressing, that’s all! A book.” 

His lips purse, frowning and brows crunched as he comes to a realization that you probably would not admit it anytime now. He hates this. Hates the tears that decorated your face and despite your beauty remaining nonetheless, the mere thought of seeing, hearing, or knowing you crying over something he cannot eradicate makes him feel… helpless.

But he hates it more when you hide something from him–especially the way you truly feel. 

“You do not have to feel the need to hide it, you know…” he mumbles, a frown on his face as he tries to soothe the muscles on your back with his palm caressing them as you had your arms encircled around him, just as he was on yours. “No matter what you say, no matter what you do, and what you feel. I want to know them all… get it?”

He bites his lower lip as he hears you sniffle, “But if you still don’t feel like it,” he pauses, “I’ll wait. I can wait for you-just don’t… keep it. Please.” 

VENTI

Sadness over loss is certain–a predestined fate that despite the different faces of grief that everyone shows, it was inescapable, no matter how much he wishes it wouldn’t be so. 

Especially to you. 

Though, he couldn’t really do anything–god or not, he cannot escape the death of the people around him. 

But how does he say this to you? How can you, a human, be able to understand the woes of a god who had outlived several humans before you? 

And so, all he could be was to wrap his arms around you and try to mend your heart with his warmth. 

“Shhh… I’m here, windblume. I’m here.” 

He rubs his palm over your back and not long after, he was humming a certain tune, almost like he was playing with his lyre and letting the tune play along. 

Because he’ll always be there. May it be the winds, or through time. He’s there--a fate he cannot escape. 

KAZUHA

Probably the type to think or say “If I could take away the pain from you, I would.” 

Not too long ago, he had experienced the same kind of pain, and the mere fact that you were to feel the same devastation… it pains him to see you in such a state–no matter if you hide it or not… but it definitely does feel even more painful to you. 

If you do intend to hide it, he would wait for you to open up until you do so. And if you immediately break in front of him, you would be immediately engulfed in the warmth of his arms and his chest, his voice making an effort to ease your nerves down, but not too forcefully. 

“Is there any way… I could help you, my sweet dove?” 

“Just… hold me… Kazu…” he hears the softness and vulnerability in your voice, the cracks and the tearing of a heart that had a part of it torn away. And it feels like it takes a part of his as well–but you are his priority, and he is willing to do anything for you. 

His hold on you tightens–not too much, but not too little, enough for you to feel him, to feel his comfort, and to feel his presence. 

AETHER

He was by your side before you could even ask him to. Pure instincts–must’ve been from the people he has met and along with his sensitivity to your feelings. Of course, more so to you. 

Though, it is a personality trait of his to not do anything that is not asked of him—at least, one without treating the other with respect. And so, he does not do anything on impulse such as touch you carelessly or kiss you so suddenly—before then, he’ll ask for your permission first. 

“May I hold your hand?” “May I kiss you?” 

And this time… is no different than that. But there are communications that cannot just be done through one’s voice. 

His eyes spoke to you–almost seemed like they did, because when you bit your lip and nodded, you were immediately wrapped with slender but strong and comforting arms, pulling you gently to let you rest your head on his shoulder and let your hands and arms grip on his form. And even if your hold on him was too tight, he never complained.

Of course, he truly understands you, but then, he doesn’t truly know how to comfort you. Because his understanding can only go so far. 

And honestly, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses someone he loves. You or his sister. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses one of you. 

comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated!<3

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