#wylan being the youngest is the child

[dirtytransmasc]

so, I'm just gonna leave this here

[elijahs-dumps]

The Infantilization of Wylan Van Eck (within the soc fandom)

Hi! This is my first tumbler post ever, which is like super scary I wont lie. But I've had this project I've been working on since October and I'd love to share it with people, so here goes nothing!

Infantilization or to infantilize someone means to treat them as a child or in a way that denies their maturity in age or experience, and it qualifies as a form of mental abuse. 

This treatment is common in fandoms, although it obviously isn't done in a hateful way on purpose. It’s often directed towards characters who are more innocent, more kind, or more anxious than the other characters within the universe. Or, sometimes these characters are literally just the youngest of the group. Some examples of this include, Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses and Power, Varian from Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, Number Five from The Umbrella Academy, Hunter from The Owl House, Little Cato from Final Space, and even Peter Parker from the MCU.

However, most of the traits found in characters that are infantilized are also traits found in neurodivergent people. These traits include, missing social cues, being easily excitable or restless, often feeling anxious hyper fixating on something (usually related to science or math), being an outcast from the rest of the group in some way, and so on and so forth. Therefore, infantilization within fandoms is pretty problematic on its own. People (usually online) think that characters with these traits should be babied or pitied or demeaned in some way, even though neurodivergent consumers usually relate to these characters because of those same traits. 

Some evidence of Wylan being infantilized can include; the fact he's only referred to as cute or synonyms to that, while the other Crows or their actors are often sexualized more. People saying or implying he's smaller, weaker, or even younger than the others. And of course, people saying Kaz and Wylan are father and son... which is something I'll come back to later.

Why Wylan?

To better understand why exactly Wylan is receiving this treatment exclusively from the fans, we need to fully analyze the Six of Crows duology, which is exactly what I did!

When we are first introduced to Wylan in chapter seven (Matthias’ POV) of the Six of Crows, we see him sitting at the table and doodling while occasionally chewing on his thumbnail. He doesn't speak until Inej voices her doubts in Wylan’s demolition abilities. Jesper says Wylan “barely knows his trade”, and Kaz mentions that Wylan is “new to the scene”. Matthias also makes a comment about how Wylan “looks like he’s about twelve”. When Jesper and Inej continue to complain about Wylan being their demo man, Kaz tells them that Wylan is doubling as their insurance policy because Wylan is Jan Van Eck’s son, the rich merchant who’s paying Kaz and his chosen crew 40 million kruge in exchange for breaking Bo Yul-Bayur out of the Ice Court. This immediately makes everyone in the room think less of Wylan because of his privileged past.

This introduction sets up Wylan to the readers. His reserved body language, along with his inexperience and Matthias’ comment about his young appearance gives the impression that Wylan is more childish than the other Crows.

In the next chapter (Jesper’s POV) as the Crows react to the reveal of Wylan’s identity, Kaz tells Wylan that he’s “passable at demo, but excellent at hostage”. Jesper calls Wylan a “baby merch” and insists that Kaz leave him behind, less he slows the crew down. Wylan is annoyed that Kaz and Jpeser are talking about him as if he isn't in the room. Then, Kaz tells Wylan that the only reason he hasn't been mugged or jumped in the three months since he left his father’s house is because Kaz placed him under Dregs protection. In fact, Jesper even says that Kaz has been “coddling Wylan”. Jesper proceeds to call Wylan useless as he and Nina belittle Wylan for living in the Barrel “by choice”. This is also where the nickname “merchling” comes from. When the group continues to go back and forth over Wylan’s skills, Kaz repeats that he’s only bringing Wylan along because he doesn’t want to leave their hostage alone in Ketterdam. This makes Wylan the only Crow that wasn’t hired for their abilities, Wylan’s passable demo skills are simply a bonus. It’s a way for Kaz to keep the crew small and avoid splitting the money even further. 

This entire exchange and interaction between our six main characters lays out the groundwork for the dynamic between Wylan and the other Crows for the majority of the first book. Everyone else in the room believes Wylan is just another spoiled rich kid. They make fun of him for his lack of street smarts, and the money he was born into. Wylan never really fights back too much when it comes to comments from the others, which just reinforces the idea that he came from a cushy lifestyle where he never had to learn how to defend himself verbally. Wylan’s inexperience and innocence is often mistaken for stupidity by the characters, and therefore the readers. 

Kaz saying, “Always hit where the mark isn’t looking.” Only for Wylan to reply with, “Who's Mark?” is a great example of this. (Still chapter eight, Jesper’s POV.)

In chapter nine (Kaz’s POV) we see how Kaz views Wylan in his inner monologue. He says Wylan seems out of his depth, and even though he’s only a year younger than Kaz (making Wylan sixteen)  he still looks like a child. Kaz describes Wylan as a silk eared puppy in a room full of fighting dogs. This pushes the concept that Wylan is more childlike than the others further onto the audience. 

Additionally, in chapter eleven (Jesper’s POV), we see Jesper quite literally call Wylan “kid” during the attack at the docks, even though they’re also only one year apart. And in chapter fifteen, Matthias refers to Wylan as “the soft one” within his own inner monologue.

Since Wylan doesn't have his own point of view chapters in the first book, the reader’s entire understanding of this character is formed through the eyes of the other Crows. So, what we’re hearing about Wylan in the first book might not be entirely accurate, which is something people often forget. Part of the reason why the fandom treats Wylan the way they do is because of the way the Crows describe and talk to him throughout the entire series, The reader learns to rely on the others’ opinions on Wylan in order to learn more about him. 

All of the evidence I have shown so far, and even some smaller things I haven't included, plants a certain mentality in the reader; Wylan doesn't have the same knowledge as the other Crows, so he must be weak and gullible. Weakness and gullibility are often traits associated with the “younger-one-of-the-group” trope, or the “Kid Trope”. So, since Wylan is displaying behaviors that we as media consumers have grown used to attaching to characters who are literal children, Wylan must be a child, or at least be treated like one. 

However, the Crows don’t treat Wylan this way because they truly believe Wylan acts like a small child, because he doesn’t. Wylan’s behavior is perfectly normal, it simply sticks out in contrast to the harsh environments all the others have been exposed to. They treat him this way throughout the book as a sort of condescending joke, they belittle him for the stereotypes surrounding his upbringing and little else.

Still, like I said, the Crows’ mindset on Wylan is all the reader is exposed to for the entire first book, so the reader will subconsciously assume Wylan must be doing something to earn this odd treatment from the others. Sometimes readers don’t understand that it is not Wylan’s wealthy and sheltered background that makes him different, it’s the fact that the others are all criminals, murderers, soldiers, and convicts. Wylan is the only “normal” Crow on a very surface level, so his innocence is bound to stick out more.

As the first book continues, we see that there’s more to Wylan’s past than he lets on. We see first hand how smart and capable Wylan truly is, as his character grows with the story. It begins in the fight at the docks in chapter eleven, where Wylan uses his own flash bombs to help Jesper out.  In chapter thirteen, Wylan openly questions and even challenges Kaz after he throws Oomen overboard, which shows great courage on Wylan’s part. This pattern of questioning Kaz when no one else really does is a common theme when it comes to Wylan. We also see Wylan explain who Pekka Rollins is to Matthias in chapter fifteen. This shows that he’s not completely incompetent, and is at least somewhat aware of what goes on in the Barrel. Then, in chapter seventeen (Jesper’s POV), Wylan expresses his natural curiosity and desire for knowledge about anything, from the mechanics of the Ice Court moat to the design of Jesper’s guns. All of this builds to chapter twenty-two, where the Crows are attacked on the ice by Grisha who were sent by the Shu, dosed on parem. Wylan does a lot of heavy lifting in this fight with his bombs, and everyone is impressed. Jesper even makes a comment about how Wylan’s “earned his keep” now. 

Small moments like this that showcase Wylan’s natural resourcefulness and strength are crucial to communicating with the readers that the Crows were wrong about Wylan in the beginning. As Wylan’s true nature begins to develop further throughout the first book, we slowly see the Crows and their attitude towards Wylan change. It becomes more positive. In the future, when Wylan makes an ignorant comment, the others don’t poke fun at him as much. They’ll tell him to be quiet at most.

By the final climax of Six of Crows, chapter forty-six (Kaz’s POV), we find out Wylan cannot read. Jan Van Eck is open about his hatred and mistreatment of his son. When Jesper jumps to Wylan’s defense, he goes as far as to say Wylan is smarter than most of the others put together. Jesper is in love with Wylan at this point in the story, so his words might be a little exaggerated. But there’s still truth to them. This entire scene serves as evidence that Jesper and the other Crows have realized Wylan’s intelligence and worth, so they don’t even think twice when they find out Wylan can’t read or write. 

If all the Crows’ preconceived notions about Wylan were proven wrong before the end of the first book, then why does the fandom still view Wylan in such a problematic way? 

Blame Booktok

This is all mainly tied to modern day book consumption, and the obsession with “tropes”. Online reading communities such as “Booktok” or “Bookstagram” have normalized interpreting even the most complex characters through simple archetypes. This is something all six crows are a victim of, in fact, most characters within all kinds of media are. 

A good example of this within Six of Crows is Kaz Brekker himself. Kaz, within “Booktok”, is often lumped together with several other male YA love interests in books, like Aaron Warner or Cardan Greenbriar . They all usually share very few qualities, like having violent tendencies, being extremely protective of their loved ones, and acting cold or mysterious towards others. Regardless of the fact that all these characters are so complex and different, from their relationship dynamics, to their morals, to their backstories,  readers still often view them as one in the same because of videos online pointing out very minute similarities. A broader example I would use is the way the Hunger Games series was often marketed and discussed as if the love triangle between Peeta, Gale, and Katniss was the main focus of the story. But really it was just a subplot to a more serious and heavy narrative.

People will often focus too much on singular tropes because it makes books easily identifiable and marketable in this new era of self-publishing and online purchasing. It’s easier to judge a book by its cover if you have a broad sense of what might be inside based on the small character details or scenarios other readers liked from it. But what does that have to do with Wylan? 

Well, because people often talk about books or even whole genres on a surface level, they also discuss characters on a surface level. This lazy form of consumption is what often leads to mischaracterization. People can obviously understand complex characters like Wylan, so it’s not a question of intelligence. Fans online are just used to discussing things within books fandoms in such a simple way and viewing a character through the lens of one trope. They’ll put the character in a box, and Wylan just so happens to check all the boxes for a character who would be infantilized. Even though there are interesting things about Wylan besides his “innocence”, people are less inclined to talk about it. In short, viewing Wylan as just another character who falls under the category of a simple stereotype is easier than including and discussing his nuances. 

So who is at fault?

When it comes to talking about a more harmful fandom behavior, like infantilization, it’s important to keep an open mind. Sometimes, it’s the creator’s fault for writing a character in a problematic way, not the fandom’s fault for interpreting it that way. So, is Leigh Bardugo at fault here for writing Wylan in this light? Or is it the fandom’s fault for not looking past the obvious parts of a character? 

I don’t think it was Leigh Bardugo’s fault. If you take the second book, Crooked Kingdom, into account then you can clearly see that the way Wylan is disrespected in the first book is something he’s dealt with his whole life, especially from his father. Wylan has been taught to believe that his reading disability makes him useless as an heir, and as a human being all together. This is one of the reasons why we never see Wylan truly snap back in an aggressive way in Six of Crows when the others insult and belittle him. A big part of Wylan thinks that the others are right about him being useless. Obviously, Wylan couldn’t have had his own POV chapters in Six of Crows, because then that would spoil his father’s true motives. However, I think the fact we didn't get to see his point of view in the first book serves another purpose. Wylan’s low self-esteem is definitely a major thing he needs to overcome in his personal story within Crooked Kingdom. So for the readers to fully understand this, we needed to view Wylan from an outside perspective. First, we get to view him as the other Crows do, as someone sheltered and weak who’s in way over his head. Then, we get to see why Wylan is the way he is. I think this sort of reverse style of character writing is really interesting and more fun to read. But still, not every reader accepted Wylan just because the Crows started to warm up to him. So by extension, this is also why Wylan is one of the most hated Crows. Nevertheless, I think the way Leigh Bardugo chose to write Wylan is inevitable for the story and vital to his character! It wouldn't feel the same if we didn't get to see how the others viewed him first. 

The fault lies with the fandom when it comes to Wylan’s infantilization. But, are people online really just lazy when it comes to discussing characters, or is something bigger at play here? I think it’s both. People do misinterpret Wylan’s strong and resilient character because of laziness and the normalization of oversimplification and overconsumption within the book community. But this treatment is also rooted in subconscious ableism. To better explain what subconscious ableism truly is, I’ll be taking a deeper look at a specific dynamic.

Kaz and Wylan (are not father and son)

Despite these two characters only having a one year age gap, the fandom often views Kaz and Wylan’s relationship as one similar to a father and son dynamic. Which is understandable to a certain degree. Kaz is the very first person Wylan ever told about his reading disability. Kaz had Wylan placed under Dregs protection the minute Wylan set foot in the Barrel, which may have been for Kaz’s own selfish reason, but it still kept Wylan safe for a while. There are a couple scenes in the books where Kaz will give Wylan advice about life in general, or about having a disability, not just about being a criminal. We see Kaz take getting Wylan justice for his mother and stealing back Wylan’s inheritance very seriously. Wylan even starts to pick up some of Kaz’s mannerisms and facial expressions. All of these could be viewed as things a father and son would do, despite how small the actual age gap is. However, the fandom seems to take this relationship to the extreme, from fan fiction and fan art, to getting the characters’ actors involved. 

It’s somewhat because of very minute subconscious ableism. People naturally view Wylan as younger because of his demeanor, but also because of his disability. The opposite is true for Kaz. His physical disability makes people naturally view him as older than seventeen in their minds. This is due to long standing ableist tropes within the media. People with mental disabilities are often depicted as stupider in some way, so they need to be babied or coddled. While people with physical disabilities are often depicted as very ill, or very old. 

This might seem far fetched, but it’s true. And it’s quite obvious if you look closely enough at anything from books, to movies, to TV, to games! These are just some of the harmful stereotypes we see in our world every day, 

How to fix this issue

Now, of course people aren’t just going to stop misinterpreting characters or stop viewing them through small scale tropes all together. But keeping yourself educated and aware is a good way to stop promoting these harmful stereotypes. Listen to the voices that are being affected in these situations! In this case, it’s people with mental or physical disabilities. Be sure to take into account what they have to say on matters like this one. Allow yourself to take the criticism and learn from their experiences or feelings. It’s important to be empathetic and kind to one another, and acknowledge that sometimes we do problematic things without intending to. When talking about characters with disabilities, it’s important to remember what they represent, and the fact that you can't always say whatever you want just because the characters are fictional. 

As always, if you’re ever unsure about whether something you feel or think is harmful towards a certain community, never be afraid to ask questions and do your research!

[liberty-barnes]

Alright

Kaz Brekker x Reader (pronouns and descriptions not specified)

Summary: You’ve been flirting with Kaz ever since you started working as his bartender. Systematic rejection gets tiring after a while, but sometimes all you need is a good chat and a large bottle of vodka.

Warnings: mentions of child abuse, PTSD, touch aversion, but it’s still overall kinda cute. Well, I mean, it has a happy ending. Oh, and drinking. Not underage, though, cause 19 is of legal drinking age in Europe and I’m saying that Ketterdam follows the (much superior) European drinking laws

Word Count: 3.2k words

Estimated Reading Time: 13 minutes

A/N: I am a weak, weak human being, and broken hot guys will be the death of me. I tried to resist it. I failed MISERABLY. I blame Grace.

Now for the actual important shit: The plot is basically all Netflix series but I added Wylan cause from what I’ve read about him he’s awesome and basically all of the location knowledge and stuff came from the Grishaverse fandom Wikipedia thing. Also, I can’t actually remember if the Crow Club has a bar but given that every club/casino type thing I’ve gone to has a bar, I’m adding it in. If there isn’t one, just imagine there is. I haven’t read the books yet but I will DEFINITELY get on it now that I have the time soooo, yeah.

Masterlist

Being a bartender for the Crow Club wasn’t too bad. Sure, it had its downsides, like working much later than many other bars, being in gang territory and most of your customers being gang members, and some of them showing up with blood-stained faces, and blood-stained knuckles, and blood-stained shirts, and blood-stained everything really.

But the upsides highly outnumbered the downsides. For one, the pay was amazing. Kaz Brekker may be a known and feared criminal but he was a just employer and made sure to pay his staff well. Obviously, since you worked, lived, and served Fifth Harbor, you were under Kaz’s, and by association, the Dregs’, protection, which was a very good advantage. You were safe, protected, and financially secure, which is more than most of the Barrel’s inhabitants could say.

All in all, pretty solid gig.

“So, (Y/n), ready to take off your ban, now?”

You looked up from the glass you were cleaning to stare at the one and only Jesper Dumbass Fahey.

“Absolutely not.”

He sighed and tried to win you over with puppy dog eyes, as he always did, but you were above that.

“Come on, love, don’t be mean to me.”

You set the cup down and squinted your eyes at him.

“He’s too pure for you to just destroy, leave my little brother alone.”

“You’re not even related!”

“Did I ask?”

“And you’ve known him for like, a month!”

“I repeat, did I ask?”

“We’ve been besties for two years!”

“Which is exactly why I’m keeping him away from your filthy hands!”

“Oh, hey guys, whatcha talking about?”

You straightened up immediately and smiled at Wylan, ruffling his curls affectionately.

“It was nothing, don’t worry about it, Sweetie. How’d your little expedition go?”

His blue eyes sparkled as he told you all about his day’s events, most likely dramatising some things but you’d let it pass. As the youngest member of the Dregs, he hadn’t yet been completely pushed over to the dark side and still remained the bubbly happy kid the group dragged in a little over a month ago.

“Well, it sounds to me like you did an amazing job, Sunshine.”

Jesper seemed to not want to keep him kind, sweet, and innocent, however, as he was hell-bent on shagging him, which you would not under any circumstances let happen. You’ve seen your fair share of women and men buy a drink just to pour it over his head as revenge. There was no way you’d let him become just another one of his conquests.

“Oh, um, thanks Jes, that’s really nice of you.”

Except that your poor little angel was falling right into that incubi’s trap. Damn hot guys, they’ll be the death of you.

“(Y/n), get me a drink.”

Speaking of hot guys.

“Oh hey there Kaz, fancy seeing you here.”

You smiled and blinked your lashes at him, already working on getting his usual. Inej hid her smile from behind her drink, while the two boys watched your interaction with rapt attention, as per usual. Kaz, for his part, just clenched his jaw and attempted to look as bored as one could.

“Well, it is my club, or did you forget who pays you?”

“How could I ever forget the handsome devil that keeps me warm and safe?”

You set his drink in front of him and rested your elbows on the bartop, lips pulled into a bright grin and eyes full of mirth. He stared at you, still as unreadable as ever, and downed the drink in one go, gaze never leaving yours.

“I have business to attend to in my office, so unless the Harbor suddenly catches fire, I don’t want to be disturbed.”

And with that, he left, much to your disappointment.

“And that’s day how many of failing to flirt your way into his pants?”

You kept your eyes on the empty spot he left behind, lips pulled into a pout.

“Five-hundred and fifty-eight, not that I’m counting.”

Inej answered and you straightened up glaring at the two Crows.

“You guys are awful friends. This is why Wylan is my favourite.”

The aforementioned blonde smiled at you.

“Don’t worry, (Y/n), I bet it’ll work someday! You’re an awesome person, there’s no way he wouldn’t wanna date you.”

Bless his innocent heart.

----------

“(Y/n), my usual.”

You smiled and pulled the bottle label ‘For The Boss’ from the shelf. No one but him had the right to it.

“Right away, sir. Also, I think you should invest in some better alcohol.”

He frowned and stopped with the tumbler halfway to his face.

“What do you mean, is anyone complaining about the drinks?”

You pursed your lips.

“Well, not yet, but I wouldn’t want them to start attacking you once they realise you’re the most intoxicating thing here.”

You smiled at the barely-there blush on his cheeks, and couldn’t stop your disappointed pout as he made his way into his office, tumbler still in hand.

“Day five-hundred and ninety-seven was unsuccessful.”

You turned your head to see Jesper much too close to Wylan and took your water-filled spray bottle, spraying the older one’s head and upper body until he was at a respectable distance.

----------

“My usual.”

You dropped it in front of him, already having started to prepare it the minute he walked into the club.

“You know, I don’t understand how you can still be so energetic every day. Don’t you get tired from running through my dreams all night?”

He locked his jaw, but you noticed how he was biting the inside of his lip as if trying to suppress a smile. That’s progress, right? You tried harder and harder to convince yourself of that as you were faced with his back once more.

“Six-hundred and three.”

You took the glass from Inej’s hands and drank it all in one go.

----------

“Are you a Heartrender? Cause when I saw you, my heart stopped.”

“Six-hundred and eleven.”

----------

“Are you a Saint? Cause you answered all my prayers.”

“Six-hundred and twenty-two.”

----------

“Is there an Inferni in this club, or are you just that hot?”

He set his jaw and turned around, leaving his drink on the bartop. You finished it.

“Six-hundred and thirty-eight.”

That’s it.

----------

“(Y/n)-”

“Your usual, coming right up, boss.”

You poured the drink and set it in front of him, keeping your lips tilted up and your eyes downcast. As soon as he was served, you moved onto the other end of the bartop and started cleaning it.

From where you stood, you couldn’t see the clouded look on his face, but you could hear Jesper’s voice.

“Uh, (Y/n), are you doing alright?”

You turned to him and conjured up the brightest smile you could, something that looked blinding to any other patron, but faker than a glass diamond to those who knew you.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Jesper tried not to worry at the way you didn’t even scold him for having his hand on Wylan’s waist. Kaz failed miserably at it. When he finished his drink and could no longer drag out his stay without being suspicious, he retreated to his office and asked one of his men to keep an eye on you.

----------

You were just getting ready to go to bed when you heard a knock at your door. You covered your mostly bare body with a silk robe, a gift from the Crows for your last birthday, and opened the door.

“Kaz.”

You blinked at him in shock.

“May I come in?”

You opened the door further, an invitation to enter your safe haven. Your apartment wasn’t much, just an open kitchen and living room, small bathroom, and a bedroom big enough for your bed and closet, but it was your home. You always made sure to buy the nice-smelling candles to mask the otherwise putrid scent of the Barrel’s streets, and you kept a religious cleaning schedule so as to not let this apartment become the mess it first was when you moved in. It’s not much, but it’s home.

“I’d ask how you know where I live since none of you guys has ever been here, but that would be pointless so just… what are you doing here?”

He looked a bit lost in your living room, everything decked out in soothing sage and creme colours, while he was wearing black, head to toe.

“I came to see if you were okay.”

You closed the door behind you and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He stood a good ten feet away from you, more awkward than you’ve ever seen him, but somehow still maintaining that superior air to him, as if anyone else were mere mortals and he was the god ruling over them all. Maybe he was.

“You’ve been acting… strange, lately.”

You quirked a brow.

“How so?”

He seemed to be measuring every word that came out of his mouth, seemingly unsure about his very existence, which was a sight rarer than the birth of a Sun Summoner.

“You’ve been acting distant towards my Crows. Colder. And you seem to smile less, too.”

You huffed out a laugh and stared him down.

“Well, I’m sorry that I can’t just heal from a broken heart at the drop of a hat, boss. I’ll do my best to pretend to be happy for the crew’s sake. Was that all?”

He frowned and the hand around his cane tightened.

“Who’s the bastard?”

“You are.”

His stance faltered.

“What?”

You rolled your eyes and leaned against your kitchen counter.

“What? You thought you could ignore me for two years and have me go on as if nothing happened? After a while, it starts to take its toll. I deal with systematic rejection about as well as everyone else.”

“But that was just you joking. You weren’t actually serious.”

You dropped your head into your palms and sighed.

“Really? I’ve already decided to stop, you don’t have to ‘let me down gently’ or whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to do.”

He huffed.

“I’m not trying to do anything. It was a joke, you’re probably still joking right now.”

“For fuck’s sake, Kaz, will you stop that? It wasn’t a fucking joke, literally everyone in Ketterdam can see that I’m in lo-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

You looked at him, eyes glassy from holding back tears.

“Why? Scared to hear the truth?”

His face was stone cold, pulled into a frown.

“That’s a lie I don’t ever want to hear.”

This man-

“I’m not fucking lying, Kaz!”

“Yes, you are.”

“And why, pray tell, would that be a lie?”

“Because you can’t fall in love with me!”

He yelled, and for a moment, you felt scared. This wasn’t Kaz, the man who gave you a job and a roof over your head, anymore. This was Dirtyhands. The Bastard of the Barrel. The cold-blooded murderer leading the Dregs.

“No one can. It’s impossible.”

He looked away from you, eyes trained on the carpet.

“Why would that be impossible?”

There was no answer, only his erratic breathing and the noise from outside.

“Kaz, why do you think you can’t be loved?”

Cause that’s what this was, wasn’t it? A deep-rooted, wrongful belief that he isn’t worthy of someone else’s affection.

His eyes never left the carpet, as if looking at you brought him too much pain.

“I don’t think, I know.”

Irrationally, it made you quite self-conscious. The carpet was second hand, found at a thrift shop, and the spot he was looking at had a wine stain that you had never fully managed to wash out.

“I can’t give you what you want. Contact, affection, sex. Hell, I can’t even touch someone’s skin with my bare hands without spiralling into a fucking panic attack! I’m fucking broken, (Y/n). I can’t be what you want. I’m incapable of loving, and unworthy of anyone’s love, much less your own.”

Thunder rumbled in the distance and when you looked out your balcony doors, the rain was pouring steadily. You opened the cabinet directly over your sink and ruffled through it until you found an unopened bottle of vodka.

“Come on, with me.”

You made your way out and into the balcony, sitting on the padded patio chairs, your greatest finds. You were lucky to be on the second floor, the third floor balcony protecting you from the rain and leaving you in a nice shelter, to enjoy the thunderstorm.

Kaz sat next to you on the only other chair and watched as you opened the bottle, flicked the cap to the streets below, and took a large swig directly from the bottle, handing it to him as an offering.

“I love thunderstorms. The smell of fresh rain replacing whatever disgusting thing is usually floating around, the grumbling of the thunder drowning out idiotic drunks. It’s like you’re in a whole new world.”

He passed you back the bottle and you wasted no time in drinking again.

“My parents never wanted a child. I was an accident, not meant to happen. But I still did. The kids at the village always reminded me of how lucky I was to have both my parents still, that neither of them were lost to the Fold. They weren’t ready for me, is the thing, they had no idea how to raise me.

“If they weren’t beating me, they were smothering me. If they weren’t smothering me, they were degrading me. All of that done 'for my good'. I flinched every time either of them raised their hand, and I still hate having anyone stand behind me, cause that’s when it was worst. When I couldn’t see it coming.

“It got even worse when they found out I was Grisha. It was an innocent mistake, really. Just a prick of my embroidery needle and all those secrets came spilling out. You see, the thing they don’t tell you about Grisha testing is that you can do it yourself. One sudden jab of pain and you don’t even need an amplifier.

“My parents hid me from everyone when they found out. Told them some story about me drowning in the lake. Turns out that having a Tailor child was quite useful to them, but they didn’t know how to train me, so they just went with the first thing they thought of. If pain manifested them in the first place, then maybe the pain was the key to me mastering my powers. For nine years, I endured whipping, cutting, starving, and insults thrown at me at every chance.

“When I was seventeen, I waited for them to leave for the yearly town fete, took any money they had, broke a window and ran. I hid in one of the skiffs and crossed the Fold. I figured that if I died, it would at least be quick, and if I didn’t, I’d get to start a new life.”

You turned towards him, a single tear cascading down your face. He followed it with his eyes before focusing back on yours.

“That’s when I met you and you offered me a job. A place to call home. You saved my life, whether you knew it or not.”

He cleared his throat and brought the bottle to his lips.

“I didn’t know. There are so many lost souls in the Barrel, after a while, you just become kind of numb to them. It’s routine.”

You nodded. That much was obvious.

“But anyway, I still can’t let anyone stand behind me, I hate the sound of screaming and shut down almost every time someone insults me. When anyone raises their hand, I have to forcefully remind myself that they aren’t going to beat me, and every day I fight off the reminder of my mother telling me that ‘no one would ever love a useless Grisha’. I understand your struggles, better than anyone could, probably, cause they’re very similar to mine. The difference is that I don’t let my trauma control my life. I’m too stubborn for that.”

You made sure he was paying attention to the next part.

“I’m just as broken as you are, Kaz Brekker, so telling me you’re unworthy of love would make me unworthy of it as well.”

He looked down at his lap.

“There’s still a problem. I myself am incapable of loving someone.”

You shook your head.

“That’s not true. You do it all day, every day. You love when you take away Jesper’s money so he’ll fight off his addiction. You loved when you bought Inej from the Menagerie so she’d be safe. You loved when you took in Wylan, despite not knowing anything about him, cause he had nowhere else to go. You love when you tell your crew to be safe. You love when you pay your employees much more than any other bar would cause you want them to have a good life. You love when you put yourself in danger in order to protect all of us. You love with your whole being, in a million different ways, and it’s a shame that people don’t see it for what it is, you especially.”

With a particularly large gulp, he finished the bottle and set it onto the floor.

“Do I love you, then?”

You smiled softly.

“I think you do. You always have me escorted home at night so I don’t get assaulted, you gave me the job that saved my life, you let me borrow your coats when I forget mine, you came to check up on me cause you noticed I was acting different and you wanted to change that… It sounds a whole lot like love to me.”

He stared into your eyes for a little while longer and the corner of his mouth quirked up.

“Alright.”

----------

“(Y/n)-”

“Your usual, already done.”

You smiled at him and for once, he smiled back. Close-mouthed and carefully turned away from any low-level employees, but he still did.

“Thank you, darling.”

“Anything for you.”

You turned back towards where the Crows were now gaping, looking between you and their boss with unrestrained glee.

You stretched the faucet sprayer until it was far enough to reach them and sprayer the entirety of Jesper’s torso.

“Paws off my little brother, you rascal.”

Alright! So that was all for my first Kaz fic. The idea kinda came into my head and then it wouldn’t fucking leave so I spent four hours writing it and another hour trying to FUCKING PUBLISH IT CAUSE MY STUPID COMPUTER WOULDN’T LET ME

So anyway if you liked it, don’t forget to like/comment/reblog, I’d appreciate it

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────��

-Love, Miah <3 edit: Okay, I read it over and fixed any obvious mistakes on my fucking phone cause my computer died before i could do that, it barely let me post this part. So, as soon as I get to my mum's, I'll steal her laptop, edit this properly, and update my masterlist as well, maybe, sounds like a good idea.

Taglists: (if your name is striked through it means for some reason tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you)

PERMA TAG

@adriannajackson123 @evermoreholland @inlovewithmobtom @andycanbeemotional @officiallyunofficialperson @lost-in-the-stars03 @jeezkiddo @a-singleboat @parkersbliss @highlydisfunctional1 @Ellyseveronica @inthecornerchair @harishaanne @anjalika03 @peterspideyy @lozzypoz321 @mendes-marvel @sovereignparker @bubbles-the-powerpuffgurl @sofyluv17 @dracoswhore007

[trassellynn]

Troubles

Written for @weeklygrishaprompts

Fandom: Six of Crows Pairings: Kanej, Wesper, Helnik  Prompt: “ If you're gonna sin, you might as well be original. “ Plot: Three moments where we see the Crows dealing with their troublemaker kids. In the first one, Wylan and Jesper are reprimanding (or, at least, trying to reprimand) their adoptove daughter, Lian, who made a little mess during a business meeting. In the second, Nina and Matthias' youngest daughter, Noëlle, decides to have an afternoon snack with waffles that were meant to be for someone else. In the third, Kaz and Inej's adoptive son, Adhyan, plays his father a prank.

Ao3 link HERE  

Part 1 Lian was silently sitting on her favorite armchair, biting her own lower lip, eyes to the floor. She was wearing a white bathrobe and she still smelled of tomato sauce. She knew she had crossed the line, this time. Wylan was standing in front of her, arms crossed. He looked at his twelve-year-old daughter for a while, then, he sighed: “Lian, dear, do you remember what we told you, yesterday?” “Yes,” she murmured. “You spent a week to organize today's lunch with those important people...” “And about your spy missions?” “I should have stopped them for twenty-four hours.” She avoided to look at Jesper, because she knew he was struggling to not laugh. Actually, the whole situation was very funny: her fathers and a group of rich, pompous merchants were discussing of a new, important business and, since it was a lovely day, Wylan decided to have lunch in the large terrace of Van Eck mansion. Lian, who loved spying on their guests, was listening on the roof, above their heads, pretending to be a Spider for the Dregs, but, when she tried to get off and enter home from the window below, she accidentally lost her grip and fell straight on the table, no, better, she fell straight into a huge bowl filled with stew.   The result was... well, easy to guess. “I'm... I'm sorry, Dads...” she said. Wylan caressed her long, black hair: “You could get seriously hurt, you know?” “I know...” The young man nodded, turning his head: “Jes?” The Fabrikator tried to relax his own features, approaching them: “We hope this... episode will serve as a teaching for you, honey, and... and...” He hid his face behind his hands, trying to repress a laugh: “For Aunt Eva's underwear, Mr Loomis' face is still stuck in my head! And the sauce on his glasses, I...” Lian bit her own tongue, but her father's laughter was contagious and, soon, the whole living room was filled with the sound of their laughs. Part 2 She was in troubles. Oh yes, she definitely was. She had been in troubles by the moment she stole the waffles plate, so, why not stealing her mum's toffee bag and the nut cream too? At least, she would have enjoyed a nice afternoon snack, before being caught. Hidden in the closet, Noëlle was about to take a bite at her fourth waffle, when the doors opened and the sudden light briefly hurt her green eyes. “Saints, Elle!” The eight-year-old blinked, looking at her mother's tall, glorious figure. She didn't even try to hide the nut cream and the half-emptied toffee bag, she just started to eat the waffle as fast as she could. Nina widened her eyes, taking her youngest child out of the closet. Behind her, Matthias, Aenya and Klaus were staring at the scene, half shocked and half amused. “What in the name of the Saints are you doing, Elle?” the woman said, kneeling in front of her daughter, her hands on the child's shoulders. “I'm eating,” the little, blonde girl replied, swallowing, her mouth covered in nut cream. “Those waffles were for Aunt Inej, who's coming to visit us! And... Saints, my toffees! Why didn't you just ask me to give you one?” “Because I didn't want just one toffee, mum.” Matthias hid his mouth behind his hand and ran out of the room, unable to stay serious. Nina raised her eyes to the ceiling, then, she took the waffle plate, the toffee bag and the nut cream and followed her husband. “I'm going to make some more waffles, now, but you're still in troubles, little girl.” “I know,” Noëlle replied, calmly. She could swear she saw a little smirk appearing on her mother's lips. Aenya crossed her arms, sighing, while Klaus sat before his little sister, frowning. “Elle, wasn't enough, stealing Aunt Inej's waffles? Why the toffees and the nut cream too?” The young girl shrugged: “Well... I can be scolded and punished just once, no?” Part 3 “Adhyan!” The little boy ran into the living room, hiding behind the sofa where his mother was sitting, with Little Rani on her lap. Inej shook her head: “Did you play again with Papa's documents, honey?” “No,” the little boy said, giggling. “I played Papa a prank.” Less than a moment later, Kaz appeared on the threshold, an eyebrow raised. “Adhyan, I know you're there. Come out.” The boy obeyed, a smirk on his lips. His sister let a shrill out, clapping her little hands. “Here I am, Papa,” the young Tidemaker said, pretending to be unaware. “Do you want to tell me anything?” Kaz took a few steps towards him: “Maybe you'd be so kind to explain me why was my cane hidden under your bed.” “I have no idea, Papa.” “You sure?” “Absolutely.” “I suppose it went there by itself, then.” Adhyan shrugged: “It's possible.” Dirtyhands share a quick glance with Inej, who was struggling to not laugh, then, he shook his head: “Not bad, my son. But you need to practice so much more, to be able to deceive the Bastard of the Barrel. If you want to sin, you have to be original.” “I know, I know. I'm a bit hungry, Papa, could you please take me a muffin?” Kaz frowned for a moment, then, he nodded, walking to the kitchen and giving a slight push to the almost closed door. And then... a loud splash. A bucket filled with water fell straight on Dirtyhands' head, wetting his hair, clothes and shoes. Inej's laughter filled the house, while the criminal turned to the young boy, who was staring at him with his big, brown eyes widened. For a moment, Adhyan thought he might have gone too far. Gathering all his dignity, Kaz straightened his back, cleared his throat and simply said: “Well. You're learning.”

[witching-by-the-willow]

'Six of Crows' characters as family members:

Inej: The mom who manages to be spiritual, threatening, calm and cool all at the same time.

Matthias: The disapproving dad, who is actually a marshmallow underneath.

Kaz: The oldest brother who hates everyone except his family, but would never admit it to them, because he doesn't need a reason.

Nina: The oldest sister, and next kid after Kaz and the only one who calls him shit without being scared at any point, and also makes jokes at inappropriate times, earning glares from the parents.

Jesper: The 3rd kid, who always enjoys and adds fuel to fire of the fights between the older siblings, without ever being affected by them and stays in neutral territory in all votings.

Wylan: The youngest child that everybody loves, and is always the peacemaker. In any situation where the clan votes to decide between choices, he gets to be the tie-breaker.

BONUS:

Nikolai: The uncle who is everyone's favourite family member, and who beings them treats, toys and everything they ask or don't ask for. Also the one they all gather around to hear stories from.

[thequimmqueen]

Not sure what u mean by ‘pure mermaid’ cause ‘pure’ could be used for both transforming mermaids and untransforming mermaids but i suppose marty is technically half mermaid. In universe hed technically be a mermaid chimera. Also maybe for koa they could be like. Male aligned Nonbinary? Maybe a demiboy. Also if u wanna talk abt ur nextgens feel free to! - amii

Well,I mean like; A Mermaid that only has their current form and can't shapeshift and the mermaids that can shapeshift. (I think there is a term for that sort of difference??? Like the one you used when we spoke of closers one time,Perma was it?)

Oh and,Demiboy sounds good! I'll note it down.

Oh and,I'm gonna do quick Descriptions of Each i haven't fully introduced yet.

Diego: Drakson and Kasey O's Son, Handsome and Flirty, strong and admired.. but kind of a Prick in the inside.

Katherine: Diego's Sister. Proffesional Boxing Coach, almost totally unemotive, Tough but secretly a softie.

Iza-B: Very Popular Musician,Rapper & Radio Host. In theory,liezel and Wylan B's kid.. but i'm really considering Liezel and wylan to be divorced but in good terms, because I ship wynnor more thanks to @maznanangy now 👉👈🥺 (also,Iza also hides the fact Wylan's her dad,for 2 things: Anonimity & Embarassment)

Cassidy: Daughter of Lisa and Connor,Step sister of Iza-B and Her brother Deckard B. Cheerleader, Basketball Star (before Stella) & Sport event organizer.

Evelyn/Eve/Eva: Allan and Ivy's first planned child. (Allison came out of a Fling & Connor from a teenage pregnancy) she Loves Planes and Ice skating, and dreams to be a Pilot someday.. and if not? At least work in Travel trout's airlines like her mother. (I made her inspired in Dodo Airlines from animal crossing)

Rodrigo: Ripley's son! Born in Munchmore, he is a Revolutionary explorer and researcher and barely understands Being.. Human! But he is motivated to learn. He is an absolute Sweerheart. Dreams to Run a Museum. (I made him inspired in Blathers,again from animal crossing)

Carota: Sprout's little Niece, Best friends with Rodrigo and Passionate about Space (inspired in celeste,yet again from AC)

Gabriel Foodini: Adopted Son of Foodini, Fantastic Magician & Entertainer. Kinda Gay but don't tell his dad😳

Roger Gearspeed: Nobody knows what his face looks like or who's his mom, But he is quite the Famous Speed Racer in All Mauple mountain and Powder Point.

Petra: A Baseball Enthusiast,Daughter of Lepete & Torhu, quite the bully in Tastyville's highschool.

Jazz: Twin of Roberto,Daughter of Rhonda and Rico, Mailwoman and Motorcyclist Hipster. She is popular with men but she has never really thought on dating anyone.

Syrup/Syrope: Sienna & Mousse's youngest Kid, Loves Autumn and Cozy clothing, has a little Hamster called Bun.

Gelatta & Créme: Code Names for Bruce Paragon & Vanille Sorbete, Cousins, Gelatta is Mousse's Daughter with Sienna and Créme is Whippa's son. They grew up in the Right side of the Tracks and Became Secret spies.

Xanna & Romeo: Kids of Rollie & Xandra, Both are in the Autistic Spectrum in some way, high functioning & Quite Interesting. Romeo has plenty of Jobs and Hides his Crazy side to avoid scaring people and Xanna hides her Obssesive organized self to Be similar to other teens. (Romeo is also a Butler for Molly and Xanna is a skater)

Xefferson: Sprinks & Xolo's Son, Not able to talk but instead do cartoon sound effects. Defies Logic and Physichs like a cartoon would.

Helena: Daughter of Nevada & Chuck, Doctor and Philosopher. Addicted to coffee People keep getting surprised she's related to chuck and still became a doctor. (It annoys her at this point)

Fawn: Influencer and Blogger, Friends with Raymond and currently Dating Tanner.

Uhh.. i think that's enough for this part :'D

[kindness-ricochets]

Prompt: “It’s not your fault.”

Fic-a-day February, day 5 -- unpolished, unedited, unmerciful. I looked at this prompt and thought, “Maybe Jesper and Wylan were playing around and broke an antique,” and then I went with entirely not that. This one draws on view of Grisha in the Wander Isle, according to TGT, but is entirely SoC-based.

Trigger Warning: Murder (not graphic but very much present), grieving a lost parent

----------------

Jesper told himself things just worked out that way. Things just worked out that way – he needed to be sure Wylan was settled. (Never mind that Wylan had been saying, “I’m all right, Jes, you should visit Colm,” for months. Like the merchling knew anything about anything!) Things just worked out that way – Inej had stayed with them, briefly, then come home from her first voyage on her new ship. Of course he knew she saw Kaz first, but at the end of the day, even the Wraith liked a good meal and a soft bed. (“I’m so proud of you,” they had chorused, Jesper to the righteous pirate, Inej to the months-sober sharpshooter.) Things just worked out that way…

He let himself into the house, surprised by how different it felt. Wasn’t he returning home? Somehow Jesper was surprised to find it wholly unchanged. He felt like he had stepped back into his memories, the same place but the wrong time. It had only been two and a half years, but all that had changed was Jesper. He no longer fit the shape of the space he left behind. Jesper shook his head. What was that nonsense? Banishing the inexplicable melancholy, he set down his bag and left the little clapboard house. Briefly, Jesper glanced at the cherry tree. Then he headed out to the western field. His da would’ve spotted him, if he had looked. If he had known to look. As it was, Colm was so engaged in his work he only noticed when Jesper was nearly beside him. Then Colm about leapt a foot off the ground. “Jes!” He grinned and, like he had in the Boeksplein, hugged his son tightly. This time, there was no relief in his eyes. He was happy, surprised, but he hadn’t been worried. This time, Jesper didn’t mind having the breath hugged out of him. “I missed you, too, Da.” Jesper hadn’t been in Ketterdam a month before his sensible, well-patched farmboy clothing was long forgotten. He hadn’t worn drab colors voluntarily ever since. When he clarified precisely what he expected he’d be doing, Wylan had asked, “Are you going to get new clothes for the trip?” He did that sometimes. He said something that reminded Jesper what a privileged life he had led. Times like that, it was tough not to tease him. So Jesper had teased him. They worked together until the sun dipped low to the horizon. Jesper hadn’t done this sort of work in years, but his body remembered even as his mind began to wander. Hard work wasn’t the same is interesting work—but he was needed here. Useful. And he was better, he reminded himself. It was worth it when they stopped for the evening. The smile Colm gave Jesper was worth everything. For the best part of a week, they worked together. They didn’t talk much. Colm would offer the occasional, “All right, Jes?” or “It’s good to have you here.” Sometimes, Jesper’s attention wandered back to the cherry tree, but there was work to be done. And that was that. One morning, Jesper’s eyes drifted open, his mind scratching at the reality surrounding them. It was late—not so late at home with Wylan, but by farm standards, they were wasting daylight. Why had Colm let him sleep? Then Jesper realized it must be Sunday. Colm had gone to church. More, he had left Jesper behind. Colm Fahey was a religious man whose previous attitude was that when you lived under his roof, you showed respect to the Saints, and that didn’t just mean swearing by them. Jesper stretched, wriggled his toes, and decided he might as well get up. Might as well make himself useful—maybe he didn’t live here, but he wasn’t a guest, either. He made the bed. There was a trick he had learned, one his ma used to do. He pulled the dirt away from clothes with his gift. Everything still needed a wash, but not so desperately, enough for Jesper to have everything clean and hung out to dry in under an hour. He made biscuits without burning them. After making a few twitchy rounds of the house, resettling things, struggling to busy himself, Jesper swallowed. He left the house. It was an almost cruelly beautiful day, a breeze slicing through the blistering heat, the sky unfathomable. Laundry hung on the line, half-dry already. The fields were swiftly becoming bare. Jesper took pride in that. He took pride in how much work they had done together. Though he had no desire to stay on the farm, knew he was destined for grander things, but this place would always hold his heart. There had been a time this was all the world he thought there was to know. His childhood had been here. His da was here. Jesper stopped under the cherry tree. It was a healthy tree, its leaves glossy-green. He couldn’t remember precisely the right spot and shuffled back. He didn’t want to stand on… on the wrong place. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. Then took one out to rub his neck, then his nose was itchy. He ran a hand over his hair. Bounced a Kerch penny across his knuckles. He squatted close to the ground like somehow being five feet closer would answer all his questions. Or at least tell him which ones to ask. Jesper was standing once more, staring at the ground in something like confusion, when Colm joined him. They stood together quietly for a few moments. “She’d’ve been proud.” “That’s why Wy says.” Jesper hadn’t made much mention of his boyfriend on this trip, but it was true. Whenever Jesper couldn’t help saying a word about his ma, that was what Wylan said. She would be proud. Really? She would be proud her only son went a whole six weeks without a slip-up visit to the tables? She would be proud he was so confused about his gift that he spent years hiding it, even after he became sick with the effort? Colm nodded. “Jes, I… what happened that night…” Jesper remembered the words he had sobbed out too many times. I should have known. I should have saved her. And every time, Wylan held him, stroked his hair, rubbed his back, promised that this wasn’t Jesper’s fault. Wasn’t it? Ma used her gift to save someone’s life. Jesper could barely manage the wash. His tiny spark of magic wasn’t much, but it would have been enough. If he had been trained, it would have been. Colm cleared his throat but couldn’t find the words. So Jesper found his. “I know,” he said. “I know it was my fault, Da.” “Your fault?” Colm asked, genuinely surprised. “Ma… Ma was training me. I didn’t know what it meant. She didn’t want to worry you with it, but if I had understood, if I had been more serious and not just wanted to shoot because it was fun—” “You were a child,” Colm interrupted. He sounded almost angry. “I was… you know what I was.” He nodded. “Grisha.” Jesper turned to his father in surprise. It had been Colm who banished those words from the house, Colm who insisted the only way Jesper could be safe was to be not that. Jesper remembered the day Leoni’s father offered to take him to train somewhere else. He had decided to stay to be with his father, even knowing… The words were out before Jesper could stop them: “I didn’t think I could be Grisha and still be your son.” Not resentful, just a fact. Colm’s head snapped up. “Jesper!” “I know you changed your mind since then, but you didn’t want me to be that way.” “I wanted you safe. I—” He cut himself off. Ran a hand through his graying hair. “I made mistakes, but you will always be my son. What happened to your mother was not your fault.” Jesper nodded. He wanted to say it wasn’t true, but he only wanted to say that because he heard pain in his da’s voice. He didn’t want to say it because he believed it. He didn’t believe it. It didn’t mean Jesper loved him any less, but he knew his da made mistakes. They stood for a long, quiet moment, both thinking their weighty thoughts. The truth was, Colm’s response to Grisha power—to Jesper’s and Aditi’s both—had shaped Jesper’s early adult years. It was Colm’s fear that made Jesper fear and hide. Maybe it made him more susceptible not just to the dice and the cards, but to someone like Kaz, who could draw him into a thrilling world where Jesper never truly belonged. He accepted his own responsibility, too. Another gusting breeze blew the worst of the afternoon heat off him, but it couldn’t assuage the gnawing shame. He was fundamentally at his own fault. Jesper accepted that as he stood there, looking at the patch of grass where his ma rested. For all Colm had failed, overall, he hadn’t, not overall. He had loved his son. He forgave him in Ketterdam, had come out here to stand with him beside the cherry tree. “I’m the youngest of the five of us.” Jesper turned to his father in surprise. The youngest? The five of who? “I never counted Meirion, he died too young, but my parents did. You’ve an uncle, my brother Pryderi. Still works the old farm, as far as I know.” Jesper’s eyes might as well have dropped out of his skull. He caught himself gaping and closed his mouth, but… still! He had never thought much of his father’s life Before. Before Ma, Before Novyi Zem, just in all the Before. He all but believed Colm Fahey sprung up a grown man and had no childhood at all. Colm encouraged it by never offering details about his life before. With an almost confused shake of his head, Colm said, “You must’ve known I had a reason to leave the Wandering Isle.” “I thought you killed a guy and were fleeing the authorities,” Jesper replied without thinking. When it doubt, aim for a laugh. Unable to deny his curiosity, he asked, “So one’s dead and one inherited your father’s farm. What do my other uncles do? Do I have cousins?” “Pryderi’s got two sons and a daughter. Gruff was like you. Gruffud, but we called him Gruff.” Colm ran a hand through his hair again. Jesper saw the pain in his father’s face and knew he ought to say he didn’t need to know. But… he did. And he sensed if he didn’t know now, he’d never learn. “Gruff and Glyndwr were twins. Glyn was like the rest of us, but Gruff was a healer. My brother never meant any harm to anyone. He was as kind a soul as ever lived.” Jesper suspected exaggeration, but he had a guess now where this brother was. In case he was right, he did not challenge his father’s claim. Something tingling on the edge of numbness coursed through him. “The Kaelish believe—not me. And he should’ve known better. I was a little younger than you are now. He wasn’t yet twenty. The Kaelish believe people like you are something not human, something fae. It wasn’t out of hate. They… Saints, you don’t need to hear this.” Jesper thought of what he had seen in Fjerda. He never told his da the full truth about that, this time not out of shame, but fear it would give the man a heart attack. He thought of the gruesome banner of red, blue, and purple kefta scraps; the charred corpses, and the one who hadn’t been a corpse yet; he thought of the kherguud, twisted past human. They weren’t memories he liked to carry, but he didn’t know that he could be whole without knowing the truth. “I think I do need to hear it, Da,” he said. “It’s my history.” Colm nodded. “All right. All right, then. They bled him. It’s what they do in the Wandering Isle—what some do. They believe Grisha blood can—they’re old folk with old ways, Jes. He wasn’t even twenty, my brother. Kindest man you could ever meet. Shy. When I saw what you were, I saw him again. I saw you in his place. I thought I was protecting you, you and your ma both. As though she ever needed my protection. I should’ve known the best I could do to protect you was let you be as strong as the Saints made you.” “Da.” In Ketterdam, Jesper had seen his da through different eyes. He had seen him in the Boeksplein and thought he looked like an obvious pigeon. He had seen him look so aged and so, so weary in the Ketterdam Suite. For the first time now, not only did he see his father differently, Jesper saw himself differently. Instead of cracking some dumb joke, he just stepped over and put his arms around Colm. “It’s not your fault, either,” Jesper said. “Not your brother and not Ma.” It was just uncanny, seeing that Colm felt what Jesper did, that they both looked at this tragedy and found some way to make it their own. He didn’t think he could absolve his da without absolving himself. Since he couldn’t let his da hurt, he didn’t see any choice. Anyway. It was what Ma would’ve wanted.

[multistoty]

meltdown for matthias & fawn :3

Matthias was well practiced at keeping his emotions under control as a societal man. His father had made a great effort to make his heir no longer a dreamer instead a business man. Today was not at all a day his father would approve of much less be proud of. Maybe that fact was part of his lack of control. His stormy blue green eyes flickered at the movement in the corner of the room. Of course, this would fall on their planned walk along the gardens of the Helvar estate. It had always been an escape for most of the children and like another child to their mother's passion for the place. It had mourned with her when their father had not returned from war as he promised. An inelegant hand ran through the man's blonde hair after a slightly nervous rustle of his waistcoat. He had hoped to only have his angel see the best parts of the man she would one day marry. Fawn was the muse for his wildest day dreams even before she brought his life to the beam of her smiles. Being the head of the household was a lot of weight. The man could not be as hard as his siblings as the former Lord had been with him. Their family name was currency of it's own in this town square. Perception was a force of it's own which was why he had been on pins and needles since Wylan had come home being expelled from his schooling for fighting. it was so odd for such a kind little boy though his shock of blonde curls had brought another student home with a broken nose and not been able to tell his eldest brother his reasoning. The broken skin on his knuckles kept replaying in the man's mind like a macabre torture. He was angry at the boy and worried for this wall that had never stood between them. The twins were among the youngest of their brood. Matthias still felt like an elder brother who needed to protect his brothers from whatever danger. When he had received word of this decision in his study, the man had been beside himself with worry even when the relatively fine child made his entrance. Their mother meant well though he had not needed to be reminded that this could spell so much ruin for their family name as well as the boys future. Those vivd eyes of his stared up broken at the matriarch in the way that Matthias had reflected towards there father. The guilt of his actions had been felt even as 'matty' had struggled not to raise his voice. The weight of disappointment and worry had felt like a blanket of failure weighing the man down further. It was sometimes difficult to be the one that was the picture for others and had all the answers. It would just be his luck today that that the moment he had sent his mother and brother away, the love of his life would make her entrance. Under the worried warmth fo her gaze, tears pooled in his eyes passing the unbreakable dams in which he always held back until he could wallow in it alone without dampening others. Alina would already be beside herself after she came back from whatever courting date or party she found herself wrapped up in. Ever stronger and more capable then her brother though the laws of society would not allow her to be the head of the household. It had been odd that the eldest siblings had become a sort of coparenting team to the others. Their mother meant well, but she did not have the bandwidth to handle the children without the man she loved. His shoulders finally fell under the brokenness of sobs. "I- I am so sorry. Forgive me. This is not- i am usually better put together."

[crowsvalentine]

Little Crow 5a

Masterlist

A lot of different people show up to the Slat looking for a job or just for solitude. The slat offered a home to grown men in trouble with the law and teenagers who have too many debts to pay. When the dregs open the door one day and see a cradle, offering only a note for explanation will their leader take the baby in or throw her back to let Ketterdam have it’s way with her?

aka a baby shows up at the Slat and Kaz is Shook (probably making this into a series, maybe I’ll leave it as it is, idk)

When Kaz woke up that morning, he wasn’t expecting to see the smiling face of a four-year-old girl looking down at him. He jumped a bit, his surprise making the girl giggle and flop down onto the bed next to him. In the four years she’d been around, Crow hardly ever stepped foot in the slat, let alone in the top-most bedroom where Kaz stayed. It wasn’t that he didn’t allow her to be there, it was just she never had reason to be. Everything she needed was at the Van Eck Mansion and Kaz could be there in a moment if he was ever needed or if he ever wanted to see her. So, her being in the slat, alone, was not something he’d ever expect. Sitting up, he turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows at the way she casually laid back on his bed, as if it were her own and no one else’s.

“Crow, why are you here?” She’d stopped giggling, her face serious as she pretended to fly Breck above her head. “Crow, where are Jesper and Wylan?” She still didn’t answer, but the corners of her mouth were turned up into a smile. He watched her continue to play, giving him no mind as he sighed and stood from the bed, throwing the blanket over her as he did.

“Hey!”

He smiled at the way she threw it off her, giving him the same glare that he was told resembled his own. Sitting up, she crossed her arms, Breck sitting on her lap with, what Kaz could only feel, was giving him the same look she was. Ignoring the two, he walked into his old office and started getting dressed for the day. He was sure Crow’s visit wasn’t planned, that would have been something he remembered, he was far too busy to spend the day with her that day, things he didn’t plan around a visit from her. He walked back out of the room as he pulled on his gloves, flexing his fingers as each one was pulled over his hands.

“Why do you where those?”

He looked up at her as he buttoned the glove around his wrist, wondering where the question came from when she’d seen him wearing the gloves for years. She was sitting with her legs hanging off the side of the bed, swinging them back and forth as she watched him re-enter the room. Kneeling the best he could to face her, he crossed his arms over her lap and smiled at her.

“It’s a secret,” he whispered, “but because you’re special I’m going to tell you, okay?” She nodded happily, leaning in a bit as if to hear better. He waited a second, smirking when she started fidgeting and getting impatient.

“Da! Tell me!”

She placed her hands on his shoulders, leaning in so close that her nose was touching his, narrowing her eyes as she stared into his own. He took the opportunity to admire the colour of hers, they were smiliar to another pair of eyes he grew to love, but these ones were all Crow, filled with all the joy and mischief a child raised by the dregs could have.  

“Okay, okay,” she grinned, “you can’t tell anyone though, okay?” She nodded and turned her head, knowing that secrets were always whispered in ears. “They make me look scarier.”

She burst out laughing and fell back onto the bed making Kaz stare at her in confusion, he didn’t understand what was so funny about what he’d just said, the look of the gloves was actually part of the reason he still wore them.

“Why’s that so funny? Am I not scary?” She sat up and shook her head.

“No! You’re my da, you can’t be scary,” she said matter-of-factly. He rolled his eyes, not wanting to argue with a four year old about his image. Ignoring her, he grabbed his cane from the side of the bed and held out his free hand for her to take. “Da?”

“Yes?”

“Scary people don’t hold hands either.”

-

There had been a note on his office door when they’d gotten downstairs, it was from Wylan, Jesper and Nina, explaining that he needed to watch Crow for the day because they had given the staff the day off and they needed a day to themselves. He couldn’t be mad at it, Jesper and Wylan needed time alone with each other without needing to worry about the child that took up residence in their home, and Nina had become to sole female influence on Crow in the last year, making sure she wasn’t too corrupted by having three men taking care of her. It was hard work and Kaz couldn’t help but appreciate the need for a break. Kaz just shrugged and threw the note away before telling Crow to get her jacket and boots on. In any other situation, he would have left Crow at the slat, where he was going was not a place for children. However, it was the time of day when the Slat was mostly empty, everyone gone to do their assigned jobs leaving no one capable of babysitting their boss’s ward in the place.

They now walked through the streets of Ketterdam, Crow unsure of why everyone was looking at them the way they were. Kaz tried distracting her by pointing to different buildings and landmarks that she never would have seen before and telling her stories of the tiny jobs he used to do back before he was the leader. As Crow marveled, Kaz and his men glared at the passersby, letting them know that it was far from okay to stare at them as they walked.  

It hadn’t taken long for Ketterdam to learn that Kaz had a new girl in his life, the image of the gang leader with a child amusing everyone until they learned that bringing her up was a mistake that they shouldn’t make twice. It took until that year for Kaz to finally accept that people knew about Crow, finally allowing the girl to stray from the mansion and experience life as it was in the city. Though, it was still rare to see the big, bad Kaz “Dirty Hands” Brekker holding hands with a four year old girl who smiled and skipped along next to him. It was a bit jarring, to say the least.

Kaz looked down when he felt a tug at his arm, but Crow wasn’t looking back at him, instead her eyes trained on a small shop that they were about to pass by.

“Can we have ice cream?” She asked making Kaz sigh.

“I have one meeting and then we can have ice cream.” She only nodded, she may have been spoiled but she knew when not to push a matter.

When they arrived at their first destination, Kaz looked back and nodded to Pim and Feliks, who  were following close behind, silently telling them to go on ahead to check out the building before they entered. Crow stared up at the fancy building they stopped at, her eyes wide and her mouth making an O in awe of the thing. Kaz chuckled and tugged on her arm gently to get her to walk inside.

“Weapons in the bin.”

The voice had Kaz looking up, ignoring the confused look the two men gave Crow as he let go of her hand. Looking to the side, he saw his own men getting patted down for anything they might have missed.

“Do you really think I’d carry a weapon with a child present?”

The two men just stared at him, one of them even pushing the bin closer as if to say “yes, we’re not taking any chances with you”. They were smart, Kaz hummed and went into his coat to pull his gun out of it’s holster. He tried not to think about Crow as he disarmed, the girl wasn’t completely unaware of the life that Kaz lived, but seeing a gun verses hearing stories about guns were two different things.

“What about the girl?” One of the men asked, still confused about why she was there.

“What about her?” The other asked.

“She’s a little girl, she has package of sweets in one pocket, she won’t hesitate to bite your hand if you touch it, and her toy can sing, she’s carrying nothing that will cause harm to anyone,” Kaz assured them, wondering how someone could be dumb enough to think he’d let a baby carry a weapon.

They both nodded, not wanting to anger Kaz anymore with their assumptions. After patting Kaz down, and Kaz stopping them with a glare when they looked over at Crow, they finally started walking deeper into the building to where the meeting was to by held. He stopped at the door, letting the other men walk in ahead of his own. He turned to look at them, assessing them to see who would be better fit for the job he was about to give.

“You stay out here with Crow,” he said to Feliks, the man’s eyes widened as he looked between his boss and Crow. The dregs were willing to kill and maim for their gang, but taking care of their youngest member was something that not just anyone would be willing to take on, if anything happened to the little girl, then well, that was a sure way to end up at the bottom of a canal. Kaz sighed and put a hand into his pocket, the men stiffened, wondering what the hell he could be pulling out if he’d just disarmed not even a minute ago. However, they let out a sigh of relief when it was just a deck of cards. “Here, teach her a card trick, she likes them,” he instructed, “just keep her occupied and away from the door, okay?”

“Can I go with you?” It was the question Kaz was waiting for and he shut his eyes when Crow finally asked. When he didn’t answer, she tugged on his coat sleeve, trying to gain his attention, “Da, please?” It took everything in him not to look down and get sucked in by the look he knew she was giving him, it was the look that earned her all the toys she now owned and a bigger bedroom at the mansion. If Kaz looked down now, he was sure he’d let her do as she asked.

“No, Crow, go with Feliks, I won’t be gone long,” he said, lifting their joined hands to pass hers to Feliks. She begrudgingly let Feliks take it, her hand much smaller than the man’s, practically wrapping around a single finger in an effort to hold it. When they started to walk off he couldn’t help but frown at the way Crow was dragging her feet. There wasn’t much that could get her upset, and the fact that it was Kaz who could bring her usually happy mood down was something he was less than okay with. However, there wasn’t much he could do about it, he was due in a meeting.

-

He looked down at the bloodied and bruised bodies of the men around him, the meeting hadn’t gone as planned and he was forced to take measures in a different direction. It wasn’t something he did often anymore, the need for beating not as apparent as it once was when he was still an up and coming leader. He was once accused of becoming soft, and Kaz needed moments like this to prove that that wasn’t the case. Sighing, he grabbed his cane from where it laid on top of the large table, giving one of the men a small nudge with the end of it as he passed.

“Remember this next time you want to cross me, Mr. Parks,” he said before he exited the room. Turning to look at the man, he noticed the way he was smiling, causing an unease to settle over Kaz. The man mumbled something and spit blood out onto the ground, he was the only one of the three still sitting in his chair, giving him an unobstructed view of the two Dregs that stood at his door.

“What was that?” Kaz asked, knowing that it wasn’t something that he’d enjoy hearing.

“I said, you can beat us all you want, but you’ll need to kill us to keep your weakness safe, Mr. Brekker.” He started laughing, taking no mind to the way blood trickled out of his mouth. It took a second for Kaz to understand what he meant, and when he did, he rushed out the door, yelling at Pim to deal with Parks as he did.

He knew he shouldn’t have brought Crow out with him, Kaz may have been a boss but he still had enemies in Ketterdam willing to do anything to bring him down. There were no limits with these people, a four year old girl being anything but off limits to them. Despite his bad leg, he ran to look for Feliks and Crow, and as he did, he remembered a dream he had a few years ago about this very thing happening. The baby crow that was shot out of the sky under his watch might have been coming true, and Kaz lost all of his usual composure at the thought of it. He couldn’t help but remember when Inej was taken, how back then he was able to stay calm, keeping all of his worry bottled up inside him to show that nothing could bring him to a breaking point. All of that was lost when it came to Crow.

When he finally reached the front of the building, he skidded to a halt. Kaz had never found the sound of laughter so comforting before, Crow’s laughter was something that he always wanted to hear every second of the day to know his girl was perfectly safe. He slowly walked over to her, and he found himself smiling when she caught sight of him and grinned.

“Look!” She exclaimed, holding out a fan of cards, “pick one!” He kneeled down on his good leg, smiling as he did as instructed. “Now put it on top!” He watched as she shuffled her small deck, something he taught her awhile ago and that she’d gotten good at just hours after learning. She lifted a single card and held it right up to his face, making Kaz go cross eyed when he tried to focus on what was written on it. “Is this your card?”

“Yes, it is, you did a good job,” he praised.

There was something in him that he hadn’t felt in years, and it caused him to wrap his arms around Crow and pull her to his chest. One of his hand pressed to the back of her head as he held her close. He laughed, genuinely laughed, when he felt her wrap her own arms around him, the assurance that the hug gave him making him want to hold onto her forever.

“Da, I didn’t finish my trick!” Crow said, quickly pulling away from him. She held something in her right hand, her small fist clutched around it making Kaz raise his eyebrows at her. He spared a look over at Feliks, only getting more confused at the look of pride he was giving Crow. “Tricks are just a distraction.” Those were words she’d heard him say the first time he taught her a trick, it was a simple ‘now you see it, now you don’t’ trick that even he learned before he’d come to the city. He’d stolen the wrapped piece of candy out of her pocket that day, it amazed her more than anything else. It should have been worrying, that she was entertained by theft, but he couldn’t help but feel proud when she asked to learn more. Once she repeated the words she held out her hand, opening her fist to reveal the double-sided coin he had hidden in his sleeve.

“How did you know that was there?” He asked, amazed by what she’d just done. She leaned in, just as he had that morning, ready to whisper him a secret.

“Magic.” She squealed when he stood and lifted her, laughing when she wrapped her arms around his neck. Learning her new skill had thankfully helped her forget about Kaz practically abandoning her earlier, her sadness completely being replaced by the joy of besting him at his own game. “Can I have ice cream now?”

“Yes, I think you deserve some ice cream.”

He set her down, but she froze when he held out his hand for her to take, her eyes widening at the sight of something. He quickly drew back, completely forgetting about what now stained his gloves. She hadn’t noticed it before, thankfully, too excited about her trick to pay much attention to the blood that covered the back of his gloves. Pim and Feliks watched him, wondering what had just happened. Clearing his throat, Kaz looked at the two.

“What is-“

“It’s nothing, Crow, just a bit of ink.”

Thankfully the red almost disappeared on the black of his gloves, looking like a colourless inky substance that he could play of as just that. Crow seemed to believe it and nodded, though she made no move to retake his hand before she started walking towards the door. He motioned for Feliks to walk with her, not wanting to scare her anymore than he already has. As the two of them left the building, he and Pim found the bin with their weapons and rearmed themselves, Kaz wiping his gloves on a discarded piece of paper as he did so.

“You shouldn’t bring her to these things, boss, we promised we would keep her away from what we do,” Pim’s quiet voice said. Kaz frowned at his words, he’d been there the day Crow had arrived and he was one of the first to hold her when they’d decided to keep her. Pim was no stranger to what happened to the vulnerable young in Ketterdam, his own family being victim to it not long ago. Kaz only nodded at him, already knowing that what he said was true but not wanting to say it himself.

“She’s going to learn eventually, Pim, better to do it slowly.”

-

Kaz watched her from his place against the wall, the slow rise and fall of her chest, the way she clutched her crow, and the look of peace on her face that could only come from someone who felt completely safe where they laid. Crow was safe with him, he’d always try to convince himself. Nina praised his ability to adapt to having an unexpected child, she always did, but adaption meant changing and Kaz wasn’t sure he was doing enough to change for Crow. His life still posed a threat to her and at this point, he couldn’t bare it if something happened to her. Today was just the first day anyone had dared to use her as a pawn against him, threaten her in the hope of getting Kaz to bend to their will, and there was no saying if it would ever happen again.

Walking over to his bed, he gently sat down next to Crow, careful not to wake her up after the busy day they’d had. It used to be that Kaz was just afraid of change, that the world wouldn’t take him seriously if he’d become soft and easy on those who ran under him. He solved that problem, proving that he was still the same Dirtyhands that ruled the streets years ago, that having Crow meant nothing when it came to business. Then there was the problem of him not being good enough for Crow, that she deserved better guardians who didn’t have his passed trauma. However, he was assured time and time again that he was the best that Crow could have, that no one could keep her from the life of the Barrel better than the top Barrel Boss himself. He was sure Crow was safe with him, he took precautions, made sure that she was aware but not apart of his world. That changed and looking at her now, something so untouched and unchanged by the evils Kaz saw everyday, he couldn’t help but think he failed her some how.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting this.”

He moved faster than a bullet at the voice, so unexpected at the late hour and in his own bedroom. His first instinct was to grab Crow, keep her close to him in case the unexpected intruder was there to take her. His scare from earlier still too fresh in his mind to keep her more than a step away from him. Holding her to his chest now, still fast asleep on his shoulder, he couldn’t help but stumble at the speed in which he moved. The fall against the wall caused her to wake up, waking the four-year-old as she cried out at the unwanted jolt.

Crow was almost dropped when Kaz finally looked up at who came in, the image something out of a dream that he could recall all too vividly at that moment. He didn’t drop her then though, he held her closer if possible, his fear slowly being replaced by a tiniest of smiles.  

[klbwriting]

Little Crow

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: none?  There’s the typical Kanej, Wesper, and Helnick

Request: i don’t know if you do one shots but can you do one where kaz and inej’s daughter comes out to the crows. it can be all the crows at once or like kaz and inej first the jesper and wylan and them nina and matthias or whatever order and stuff. Thanks!

Notes: This was so sweet to write, I chose to make the Reader queer and gender neutral so that you can insert any gender or sexuality into this that was needed since the request wasn’t specific, I hope I wrote this right and that you like it

You had been so nervous for this day.  You were the child of two of the most renowned people in Ketterdam, one being the crime overlord of the Barrel and the other being the most famous pirate on the seas.  It was a lot to live up to and until now you thought you were doing everything right, but now, realizing that you were attracted to people you weren’t supposed to be, you thought maybe everything would fall apart for you.  But, you knew it was time to come clean.  You had finally found someone you wanted to be with and you had to at least tell your parents and their best friends.  You started with the easiest ones, the people you thought would understand the most.  

           Jesper and Wylan still lived in Wylan’s family home and you visited often so they weren’t surprised when you knocked on the door.  They welcomed you in happily and sat down to a nice dinner.

           “So are you here on family business or just because you missed your favorite uncle?” Jesper asked, sitting back in his chair as he sipped his drink.  Wylan rolled his eyes.

           “I’m the favorite,” he said.  Jesper looked affronted.

           “Never merchling, I am always the favorite, isn’t that right Y/N?” he said. You just laughed a little, still nervous.

           “What’s wrong?” Wylan asked, sensing something was off.  You took a deep breath.

           “I’m queer,” you blurted, then swallowed hard.  You hadn’t meant to just toss it out there but it had slipped out. Jesper and Wylan looked at each other and then looked at you.

           “That’s great dear, do you want cake or waffles for dessert?” Jesper asked as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  You took a breath and smiled.  

           “You have cake?” you asked.  They smiled and nodded.  When you left they both gave you an extra big hug and encouraged you to tell your parents, that they would love you just as much.  You nodded and headed to find Nina and Matthias in their home in the Lid.  

           You didn’t visit these two as often as your uncles so Matthias was surprised but pleased, answering the door with a small child sitting on his shoulders. The Fjerda and the Grisha had 5 children and all of them were just as loud and raucous as their mother, which Matthias pretended to hate but really loved.  You smiled as their youngest slid down from her father’s shoulders to hug you tight.  

           “Come in, we were just getting the heathens to bed,” Nina said as she passed by the doorway, herding the four older children up the stairs.  “Just take a seat in the main room, we’ll be back. You nodded and sat, waiting patiently. Jesper and Wylan had been alright, these two would probably be the same.  But they were normal, or well, they were what was considered normal.  A man and a woman, having children and all that. You swallowed hard again, nerves starting to show.  

           “So Y/N, what’s got you visiting?  Nina doesn’t work for Kaz anymore, make sure he remembers that,” Matthias said, folding his arms as Nina shook her head at him.

           “But if he needs a favor I will gladly help,” she said, giving her husband a look as they sat down.  You smiled and shook your head.

           “No, I just…you’re my parents best friends and well, you’ve been like family to me, and I just…I’m…well…” you were struggling and you saw Nina get up, coming over and sitting next to you on the sofa.  She took your hand in hers and smiled.

           “Remember when you and Morgan were children and you used to pretend to be married all the time?” she said.  You looked at her and she nodded.  “We knew about you both, and we love you both so much.”  You nodded again and leaned into her.  She hugged you close and Matthias was soon over there, offering you a handkerchief for the few tears that spilled.  

           “Have you told your parents?” he asked.  You shook your head.  “I hear Inej is back in town…”

           “I’m going to tell them as soon as I go home,” you said.  He nodded and they both offered to come with you.  “No, I’m going to do this on my own, I’ll be fine.” They nodded and sent you home with waffles and hugs.  

           Back at the Slat you knocked on the door to your father’s office.  You could hear laughing from inside, your mother, and you smiled.  She opened the door and you went in, shaking a little.  You shoved your hands in your pockets to hide it.  Kaz looked up from his work and smiled at you, reminding you that you were the only other person besides your mother that he actually liked.  You were their only child and both were so good to you.  Because of your father you knew how to spot a mark and steal nearly everything of value, but you also knew when to treat people well and when you cut them.  Your mother had taught you how to spot dolphins in the sea and how sail a ship, how to sneak around rooftops and how to listen to conversations.  You had taken over the Wraith name and her job when you were home.  

           “I heard you’ve been visiting,” Kaz said sitting back and looking at you.  You glanced to your mother and she shrugged like it was no big deal, going to sit in Kaz’s lap.  He held her hand in his, kissing it softly.  

           “Did you happen to hear what we were talking about?” you asked, hoping she didn’t know yet.  She shook her head.

           “You know I only keep an eye on you, what you do in your time is for you, I just like to know where you are in case of trouble,” Inej said.  You nodded slowly.  

           “So mama, papa, um, I already talked to uncle Jesper and Uncle Wylan, Nina and Matthais, um, well, you see,” your throat was suddenly dry and you needed to take a breath.  Kaz could see the panic rising in you.  He set Inej on his desk gently and walked over, kneeling in front of you.  You tried to stop him, his leg was probably hurting him, but he kneeled anyway, taking your face in his hands and helping you breath.

           “You are stronger than the panic,” he said softly.  You had suffered these attacks before and though he knew you didn’t have a trauma like he did he still blamed himself for somehow passing it down to you.  He worked hard still to keep himself in the present, still not able to touch many people without gloves, but you he had never had issues with.  It was like you were his miracle, his reprieve from the pain of his youth and he wanted to make sure you knew how strong you were, how very special.  “Don’t panic, anything you say here to us will not change anything, you are still my little Crow.”  You smiled at him and hugged him tight.  Your mother came then, holding you both in her arms.  They pulled back and you took a deep breath.

           “I’m queer,” you said softly.  They both nodded slowly and your mother kissed your head.

           “I love you so much,” she said softly.  “I love everything about you, I accept everything about you.”

           “I love you too,” Kaz said.  He rarely said this to anyone in words.  He showed his love daily but actually saying it out loud always seemed hard, but this time it was easy, and you appreciated it so much.  You hugged them both again and they asked if there was anyone special in your life.  You blushed.

           “There’s this person…they’re in another gang…” you said.  Kaz cocked an eyebrow.  “They’re a Black Tip.”

           “Hopefully they can convert,” Kaz mumbled going back to his desk.  “Bring them by the Crow Club tomorrow, I want to meet them.”  You nodded and left the Slat, your mother kissing your head as you went.  You felt good, complete, like you finally were able to be fully yourself in the world with the blessing of your family.