#wtf am I on about anyway like i'm not even sure half this stuff is valid I just need this out of my brain

[highlordofkrypton]

ACOTAR FANDOM ANALYSIS

…because apparently I miss academics?

PART 1 - CONTEXT & FACTORS TO CONSIDER

This was originally supposed to be an addition to @praetorqueenreyna’s post, but it started to get long and I didn’t wanna clutter your post. If you haven’t seen her essay on ACOTAR fandom culture, please do check it out because she made amazing and very valid points that I’m just gonna ramble on top of.

OKAY, APPARENTLY, THIS IS GONNA HAVE MULTIPLE PARTS. AFTER I WROTE THIS I REALIZE THERE’S SO MUCH.

I do want to disclaim that this isn’t targeted to any one part of the fandom, merely observations from someone who is relatively new to the ACOTAR fandom (around April-ish). I’m also way too lazy to get sources and stuff. I’m also missing a lot of fandom history.

ABOUT FANDOM CULTURE

At its core, fandom culture is niche. It’s strange, it’s not cool in a popular way, it’s geeky, it’s awkward, it’s community-oriented and a place detached from the mainstream. Hobbies, interests and discussions that you couldn’t really have these conversations with anyone in your day to day because they needed to engage with the piece of media and even then, they needed to care about it enough to create, deconstruct, reconstruct, and contribute to the fandom.

Fandom comes with a sense of belonging. It’s about liking the media, yes, but it’s about liking the media enough that you want to immerse yourself in it. You want more than just the book, the show, the song, etc.

With fandom, especially on Tumblr, there are subcultures within fandom, based on a character, a ship, a spinoff, etc. Fans can find (or create) a community to connect with on specific parts of a media, and that’s a beautiful thing. While fandom is not perfect, and it has its dark, embarrassing, painful moments, over the years it’s developed its own unspoken rules. Most of the ‘subcultures’ stay among them, and even with drama, the overlap isn’t as constant as ACOTAR. Usually, it comes in waves, and evens out eventually.

Most importantly, fandom is a place where you can just be yourself. You can shake off the weight of the outside world, and just do your thing! There are so many politics at play and rules in your day-to-day life, why not get a little weird? Fandom is a place where you find your other weirdos, and the judgmental people are usually a minority.  It can also be really small and you know everyone in the fandom—shoutout to my other 4 Orm Marius homies!!

POST-PANDEMIC CONTEXT AND THIRD PLACES

When the pandemic hit, in places that were locked down, habits needed to change and there was nowhere to go. You couldn’t really escape, so online was the best place. You had people returning to old hobbies, such as crafts, gaming, reading, etc. You also had people searching for new things to partake in. Either boredom, coping with the new way of the world or just finding people to talk to, those are valid reasons.

I’d like to introduce the notion of third places. Third place is considered to be a place that is not home, work or school. It is a place where you can get out of your routine and decompress. Libraries, coffee shops, going to the bar, or anywhere else where you can just step away from the grind and the routine. These are social spots that help alleviate the weight of your daily pressures. For some, their third place was strictly an in-person event.

With the arrival of the pandemic, these third places became inaccessible and even after lockdown was lifted, some of these places were irrevocably changed—either they closed permanently or the hours changed in such a way that they were not accessible. For example, I used to spend a lot of time in my favourite bookstore because it would open at 8AM and close at 10PM. After the pandemic, it opens at 10AM and closes at 5PM. For someone who works, I can no longer use this as my ‘third place’.

For many fandom members, their third place was online. They already know the rules of etiquette from observing, and joining out of their own curiosity. Time spent in fandom teaches you the unspoken tenets of interaction. ‘Don’t like, don’t read,’ is one example. Additionally, being part of a small fandom, but loving something so much that you want to connect with someone, anyone, teaches you to be a lot more respectful of the space you’re entering. You may not like everyone all the time, but ultimately, your enjoyment of your fandom should precede everything else.

Joining a fandom on your own, or with a small group, is completely different from joining en masse. Now, you have many people seeking a place to ‘connect’ coming in with their preconceived notions learned from other places. Maybe a different subculture that isn’t fandom. Maybe an assumption of how fandom should be. 

BOOKTOK VS. FANDOM - CLIQUES VS. COMMUNITIES

I’ve heard the argument that the ‘popular kids’ joining fandom is ruining fandom. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, trying to look at the demographics of BookTok and the patterns of behaviour that are associated with BookTok vs. fandom. I’m on BookTok, but I look for smaller communities, but I see all the drama, all the time.

Here are a few of my assessments:

All social media platforms allow you to cater your page and feed to what YOU want, but not all social media is community based. It is geared for content to consume, and feeds the algorithm to keep you on the platform, so that companies can pay the platform for advertising.

Most other social media encourage you to use parts if not your entire identity (photos, video, name, etc.) and I believe that creates a direct correlation to a person’s sense of validation when receiving likes, comments, engagement. Tumblr, on the other hand, rarely focuses on the identity of the person behind the screen, but rather you build your identity through what you share, the posts you make or reblog. It has shifted to be more similar to other social media (for moniessssss) but it wasn’t like this years ago. Over a decade ago, Tumblr used to be the only place where I could get fandom stuff and Deviantart.

Other social media platforms emphasize that you are the product. With the success of influencers, many people try to replicate the same success by using themselves, their talent and most importantly, their opinions on social media. BookTok is essentially an online book club, which means that it’s mostly sharing thoughts, and less about creation.

Content on social media, put out by influencers is created not with the intention for interaction, but rather, reach. People aren't used to the pushback and continuous discourse that happens on Tumblr where many people can chime in at once.

The desire to belong compounded with the impact of influencers on social media naturally sets people into two categories: creators and consumers. Content creators who have achieved success are placed on the same pedestal our modern society places celebrities on. Due to their following, some people might believe their opinions are more valid because there is a large number of people following them. Some people might be influenced by the ‘majority’ they see following an influencer, which is part of the course. That’s why they’re called influencers.

As a former marketing specialist, I’d like to assert that there are so many more factors in play than a valid take. Aesthetics are a big part of it, and charisma. Both of which fall under the same attributes as the ‘popular’ kids in school. As someone with a lot of charisma in person, I know for a fact that if you package something prettily enough, you can get away with anything.

The problem is: fandom doesn’t work like that.

Fandom is a place where unpopular opinions and niche things thrive. It’s the place where no one cares if you’re cool, and the pretty things come in forms of art (crafts, visual art, writing, etc.). It’s also a place for discourse for those who enjoy that, digging deeper into themes and what not.

The problem is: you have a subculture that is largely an echo chamber and largely one-sided 'community' entering a space with an established dynamic with a lot of back and forth. Sometimes, the rule in fandom is that the rules don’t apply. 

I believe that this isn’t the root of the toxicity, but elements to consider when speaking of the ACOTAR fandom which, like Reyna said, feels like an amplification of the worst elements of fandom.

It's super late here, so I'll come back to actually start saying something LMAO CAUSE THIS FEELS LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.

[mayshifts]

in need of shifting tips and stuff!! (very long post sorry)

so, i've been trying to shift for a year and a half now. i had doubts (obviously) but then i ended up having dr dreams AND even minishifts (or at least i think i did) - though i don't know how it happened so i can't just do it again on command. my theory is that it happened so "easily" and so "often" because back then i was in an EXTREMELY good mood (euphoric, even???? like wtf happened lmao) but that state of mind is pretty much impossible for me to get into again (that wasn't even on purpose in the first place)??? like?? idk how to get back in that state anyway.

now, i don't have doubts since i've already minishift (i think) and i don't think that many ppl would lie about it tbh. also, i genuinely think that shifting is possible because the world is so mysterious and vast like-- lol anyways!! i don't have any fears either because, like, you can't get stuck, you can script stuff in and out, you can go wherever you like (and so avoid the things you don't want to experience) etc. i've tried many things (i KNOW we don't need anything to shift but still): subliminals, reprogramming my mind (that was helpful tbh thx reya), guided meditations, meditating by myself, getaway tapes (still work in progress though i haven't listened to many tapes just yet), methods, law of assumption (still wip too), void state (not sure if i ever got there tbh?? but i think i did idk), and probably more. i'm determined okay??? lmao. also i'm not frustrated that it is not happening just yet (though i wish it was obvs), i don't think i'm overly obsessed with shifting, i'm pretty relaxed about things etc so idk what i'm doing wrong or what i should be doing/trying-

i've pretty much tried anything and everything but i don't know how to finally fully shift just yet - i really want to get there for good. i know it'll happen eventually but, like i said, i don't think i have any blockages anymore (i never really had any? like okay i had doubts but who wouldn't yk). i know what i want and where i want to go. maybe i am ready but my subconscious isn't? but if so, why and how to convince that mf that IT IS time??? like, at least just give me ONE full shift lmao i'm more than ready alright-

anyway, thanks for reading<33 and if someone has ideas, tips or whatever then feel free to give them!! (here or in asks idc)

[pencilofawesomeness]

Hi! I'm Naeme from AO3, and I finally got the courage to use the ask thingie cause I had some questions. The thing is tho, I braved tumblr and managed to get to the end of the HTRYDS page(?) so some of the stuff I'm wondering might be totally outdated and the questions might be obsolete. Oh well, I'll ask anyway.

For of all tho, I have to have ask: What have you done to me? I am not kidding for the last two weeks I've just been rereading this AU and thinking about it. This is exactly how I felt after finding and reading your AU this winter. Gosh, I get so intense when I reeeeally like something. I reread your entire fics, proceeded to go play Genshin Impact to move on, then I started talking to my sister about your fic because I needed to FANGIRL and when I was done I was so excited THAT I STOP PLAYING MY GAME AND WENT TO REREAD EVERYTHING AGAIN. My sister thought it was the funniest shit ever, she said I gaslight myself into rereading your fic. What have you done to me. Or maybe I'm the problem. I've been rereading everything but this time with Fairy Tail music because your fic it just that good.

I want you to know, that this is all your fault for creating something so magical. Also I've been rewatching some Fairy Tail episodes because of you and half the time all I can think about is ''Gosh I wish this was HTRYDS''.

ANWAY. As mentioned, I've read your tumblr posts and responses from a while ago and I got some questions. You might not have answers anymore, maybe you moved on or changed your mind and it's all good. I don't really post, but I do write a lot, so I know how it can be.

I saw a post that was about your vague idea of the arcs for this fic and their order, I know it might have changed, you were clear that it was open to a lot of changes, but I had questions about that arc that you called ''Teambuilding Exercises''. I feel like you talked about it somewhere but I couldn't remember what was said. I'm just so curious about this one because for a while now I have been wondering if the dragon slayers were going to join teams. Because it seems like you made Erza, Jellal, Gray and Lucy a team, which confirms what I thought that the Tower Trio (for lack of better name, sorry babies) never became an official team, but it also seems that Natsu just isn't going to join. (which is interesting. I do find his relationship with Gray interesting in HTRYDS, especially when it seemed that Gray genuinely wanted to go with Natsu to Galuna Island in Demon Tale (you broke my heart there, it was great (AND WTF I JUST REALIZED THAT DEMON TALE IS KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF FAIRY TAIL WHAT--))

Anyway, QUESTIONS!!! First of all, what is implied with ''Team''. Is it Team, or is it Teams. Is the Team the whole of Fairy Tail? In that case it would be the entire guild working together to become closer. If it's Teams, the known teams right now are Laxus', Levy's and maaaaaybe Erza/Jellal/Gray/Lucy? But I feel like the arcs have to be about one of the dragon slayers (we're here for them after all), so is it Laxus? Or will Gajeel join Levy's team? Or Natsu Erza's? Somehow those last two ideas don't feel likely. Sooo, is it that the dragon slayers will make their own team? Or multiple teams? Like the oldest together and youngest together? I feel like Acno won't join a team unless you decide to put the whole fam in one team.

I AM curious as to if the dragon slayers will join any team or make one, even if it's unrelated to that arc.

Maybe that arc has nothing to do with the teams of Fairy Tail and it's a metaphor for something I don't know yet. Or another type of team entirely.

I've also been wondering whether or not there would be a time skip at the end of the Tenrou Island arc, but I'm pretty sure the only way I'll know that is if I read it. So it will wait.

You know what, somehow, it feels like if you answer any of my questions it might just be too spoilery. In that case, just take all those questions I have about HTRYDS as me being very passionate about everything.

Huh. This is really just me loosing my mind over the teams, isn't it? I guess it's because I'm currently in the middle of rereading Demon Tale, I always start wondering during that read. (also love Lucy with Jellal in there, they are so precious in their together. Geek best friends. And then Levy join in on the fun too!)

Gosh I'm a rambling machine. I guess that's why it's hard to comment for me sometimes, especially of the bigger works like you HTRYDS, because I want to honor all the hours and the thoughts that you put into such a big project and it feels like a little comment wouldn't be able to do that. I truly genuinely feel blessed that you decided to take this endeavor and even tho you might feel like doing something else, it's fine because you still gave us such amazing stories to enjoy with this AU.

So again, thank you so much for this AU. Papalogia and his little dragons will now live in my mind forever, I just know it. <3

Hello! Now you can receive your gold star sticker for trying new things lol. And to be fair, nobody *really* knows how to navigate tumblr, we all just (bad pun incoming) tumble our way through. I try to tag all my stuff well enough but my page could probably use some better navigational tags. Oh well. We all persist XD

Anyway whoops. I am honored to be the source of brainrot but as always it's unintentional XD. As much as I would like to take credit for the neat trick, because I need to use that on myself sometimes lmao.

Haha I'm not *too* indecisive so most of my rambling about plot stuff is still up to date. The "Teambuilding Exercises" arc is still very much on my timeline (and still unnamed, rip) and I am still very much hyped for it. I just mentioned it in an ask a few days ago, which is probably what you're thinking of. Funnily enough though, none of the "teams" in that arc will be actual teams. It is 100% me coming up with a funny reason to make new people bond, and then those bonding experiences turn into accidentally Very Personal adventures.

It's funny, I have realized that I sort of made the dragon slayers the floaters of Fairy Tail. Laxus is the only one on a team (Thunderstorm) and that isn't going to change. They kind of act like a "team" in themselves, except not in a concrete way, just the sibling way, and there are groups they frequent, like Gajeel tagging along with Shadow Gear a lot. And, I mean, technically "Team Erza" (as much as I call them that) aren't an official team aside from Mira joking to put them down as one, they just also do things together. I like to play fast and loose with group dynamics and give them the freedom to mix it up sometimes. So, like, there are the official teams recognized outside of the guild as A Thing, and then the people who often squad up. And then me sometimes finding excuses for somewhat unique squads, like me throwing Natsu, Mira, and Happy together in Demon Tales.

Which. I am so stoked you noticed the naming thing XD. I very much did that on purpose lol. (I jokingly refer to their squad name as Demon Tail in my notes.) It's also a fun double entendre, because in addition to being a play off of the guild and a focus on our lovely demon members, the whole arc is also about tales that come from demons. It's Galuna's quest and their past and present and the myth about Apophis and about the Timeless Valley, and with also that fun emphasis that stories does not equal history, but they are adjacent to each other. (I actually agonize over titles too much sometimes I can be very annoying about it, thank you for giving me this opportunity.)

Thank you for rambling! I always enjoy hearing it, and sometimes getting the chance to do it back. Also it makes me happy to know people are in the same brainrot pit I carved for myself and live in. It means a lot <3

[icedmetaltea]

Welp I just found out I have $700 I have to pay before May 11 for school bc apparently I withdrew after the refund date. I've done that before and never had a fee so idk wtf happened but I made some calls and they said since it wasn't the end of the semester it wasn't even the full amount so it'd probably be higher...

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. This is already after I got denied for ebt twice since I can't work so not only do I have to worry about feeding myself but now I have to worry about going into debt

I can't even begin trying to get on ssi til I can get set up with a doctor and even then I don't know if I'll be eligible bc mental illnesses from what I hear aren't usually "disabled" enough and even if I am it could take months for it to process- if it's even accepted

(tw for suicidal thought stuff)

Suicide is reaaaaaaally starting to feel like a viable option. I've been telling myself it's a permanent solution for a temporary problem but like... my problems aren't temporary. They just keep coming and they just keep getting bigger. Even if they pass, what do I have to live for? All my dreams have fallen through the cracks.

I would never be able to finish college (I'm never signing up for another college class so they can fuck me over again, that's for sure) and even if I did I have no real passions

I'm not strong or smart or attractive or talented. I'm just a burden, a waste of space, someone that will always rely on others... and my parents will die one day, they won't be able to pay for the apartment anymore, I'll go homeless (like maybe my sister could take me in but even she's on ebt these days, the economy is so fucked)

It's not like the world is going to get better anytime soon anyway... it's this or wait for climate change and/or capitalism to kill me off. My dad died of a heart attack mainly due to the stress of work, even if I somehow got my anxiety under control enough to work I'd probably die the same way. What's the point? To be a minimum wage slave the rest of my life? When half the population of my country hates me for being poor? Do you even know how many people don't even think anxiety is real???

Well the feeling of slowly being strangled almost every fucking is very fucking real to me, feeling my ribs clamp down on me, a glass pane in front of my eyes whenever I dissociate, it's gotten to the point where half the time these past few weeks I don't even feel like my body is my own. I talk and it feels distant and foreign.

So yea... rn I'm just trying to hold onto small things. Reading a couple nice books while I can. Listening to nice music while I can. Hanging out with my friends while I can. Because I think soon I may have to leave for good

[stitchlingbelle]

Watching Avatar, Part 6

6. "The Blind Bandit": An underground bending fight club? Ok, I did not see ANY of this coming. (Which I suppose is appropriate.) I like Toph a lot, she's hypercompetent, snarky, and kicks ass. I also liked the nods to Asian cultural fashions that we haven't seen before in this episode-- that hanfu-style (I think) gown she wore in the garden was stunning. (Granted, it was also a storytelling choice showing us Who Her Parents Are Trying To Make Her Be, but you know. Aesthetically. It was pretty.) Her parents are obviously a Problem and I'm anxious to see how that resolves.

7. "Zuko Alone": On one hand, this was a very predictable episode that hit all the usual notes for this kind of character arc. On the other hand, it also had some pretty important lore drops. But for me, it was also a big OH SHIT moment, because this meta is the one of the reasons I finally caved and decided to watch the show. (The other, of course, being @shifuaang 's tireless advocacy. Also I think she reblogged the post where I could see it in the first place.) Anyway, nice to finally see it in context. Interesting to see what Iroh was like before he Grew As A Person. Desperate to find out what happened to Zuko's mom.

8. "The Chase": Very well-done episode that accomplished a LOT, but I didn't love how much the first half dragged. (Also I have serious questions about the realism of Azula's train-thing following them that fast.) But it set up some great character stuff, including another member of the Gaang getting to meet Iroh and see how great he is, which will clearly pay off later. But the real thrust of the episode was confirming Azula as a Grade A threat. The writers are very clever about making the rising threat level a natural progression instead of a 'you just Leveled Up, here is the Next Boss' thing. However, AZULA, HOW COULD YOU? I'm pretty sure Iroh lives but STILL. (Also, Zuko, you exhaust me.)

9. "Bitter Work": A nice run-of-the-mill episode, necessary character- and plot-advancing stuff. I still have a tendency to say "WTF is with the ANIMALS on this SHOW?" almost every episode, and this was no exception. What a fun but utterly bizarre bit of worldbuilding they chose to go with, you know? But hey, it does constantly reinforce the Not Our World bit at every turn. I am getting very tired of Zuko.

10. "The Library": Toph's reaction to the sand was very interesting, great worldbuilding (and a necessary nerf, given the plot). The nonviolence angle again brought up by the spirit, who I knew they would disappoint but it was sad anyway. I would have been interested to see them ask it more about how to protect without violence, or have tried other not-technically-violent research questions like about Avatar stuff. (Also I'd love to see what the spirit's reaction to the scholar staying behind out of True Desire For Learning was.) But of course, we end with Appa GETTING KIDNAPPED??????? Which is both incredibly upsetting and also a brilliant storytelling choice. Both the Gaang and we the audience have taken the safety and convenience of travel-by-sky-bison entirely for granted. Taking that away is a gutting move, on top of the emotional loss. Aang is clearly not handling this well, even worse than I expected. (Toph deserves everything for saving their asses and then putting up with this, all in one day.) Worried about the next episode.

[fluffytriceratops]

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 - 𝐚. 𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚 [chapter one]

chapter one: "𝚖𝚛𝚜 𝚔𝚠𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚊𝚛 𝚍𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢."

notes: i'm not in uni so i don't know what i'm talking about most of the time huehue

chapter two: "bootymeat."

««•◦ ✪ ◦•»»

Friday, 2:28 pm.

y/n

guess who failed her mid terms??

*le cry*  

bokubro

wtf tell me you're joking-

tsukitsuki

i can't say i'm surprised

kendoll

we knew it was going to happen eventually

no one should be surprised at this point

tetsu

wth?! even after all my tutoring??

y/n

well fuck you guys too-

thanks for the support, dickheads

bokubro

hey!! what about me?? 😭😭

y/n

not you bo, you're such a bean i luv you 🥰  

bokubro

AHH I LUVE YOU TOOO SDJdfj 🥰🥰🥰

kendoll

you guys disgust me

tsukitsuki

i dont have the patience for this

y/n

eat shit

queen keiji

aren't we forgetting something? are we just going to let her off the hook that easily?

tetsu

HOW DID YOU FAIL YOUR MIDTERMS

tsukitsuki

cuz she's an idiot

y/n

shut up string bean!

and technically i only failed one class-

but i just barley passed in most of the other's so..

👁👄👁👌✨

queen keiji

but i thought kuroo was helping you study?

bokubro

yeah! and you sounded so sure of yourself earlier

tetsu

don't blame this on me, she did this to herself

you guys sit with her for hours on end trying to get her to focus. it aint an easy task.

y/n

he was- i'm not even going to try to lie, he's right 🥲

kendoll

like i said, stupid

y/n

kenma i swear--- i will destroy your village in minecraft dont test me

👺👺👺

kendoll

not my fault you have half a brain cell

tsukitsuki

didn't you help build that village?

y/n

fuck you guys

i'm going out to eat sushi & boba and i'm not bringing any of you 🖕

bokubro

heyy!!!

WHAT ABOUT ME

queen keiji

excuse me??

tetsu

RUDEEEE

y/n

BESIDES YOU THREE ofc 💕

tetsu aren't you in class rn? and bo do you not have practice soon??

tetsu

yeah but we're just reviewing stuff from monday

plus it'll be over soon

bokubro

shit i nearly forgot

wait for ME???

pPLEASE?

kendoll

i want boba

tsukitsuki

i want sushi

y/n

well too fucking bad you guys can eat shit

soggy anus's

tsukitsuki

do you not have class in half an hour?

kendoll

soggy anus's? the fuck y/n

y/n

i can eat fast

bokubro

NOOO WAIT FOR ME

PLESSEAE

testu

WAIT FOR ME TOOO

queen keiji

i would also like you to wait for me

y/n

UGHHGHGH

FINEEE

but no kenma or tsukishima, they can suck my toes

tsukitsuki

that's fucking disgusting

is that some weird kink of yours?

kendoll

i change my mind

i don't want to go out with you anyway

bokubro

wait actually?

y/n are you into that stuff?

kendoll

i wouldn't put it past her, she's probably into all kinds of weird shit

y/n

EWW NO

SHUT UP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

tsukitsuki

how am i supposed to know what you meant?

i think what you want is pretty clear, nasty hoe

queen keiji

if you guys don't stop pissing her off none of us are going to be able to go

tsukitsuki

idc i'll go out with kozume

kendoll

i'd be up for that

bokubro

WAIT I WANNA COME TOO

y/n

THATs IT I"M GOING TO GET FOOD NOW PISS OFF FUCKERS

BO YOU FKCING TRAITOR

queen keiji

what did i say

tsukitsuki

idc either way

kendoll

i hope you choke

bokubro

NO WAIT Y/N IM SORRYRY

tetsu

wait y/n my class is over in like 2 minutes

let me come with!!  

y/n

KISS MY ASS

except for kaashi and tetsu💕

and ye- i'll wait for you i'm outside of my english classroom

kendoll

ew no

i knew you were into some nasty shit

bokubro

Y/N NOO

I"M SOWWRY

I DIDNT MEAN ITTTT

tetsu

alright, i'm leaving now!

y/n

thats your punishment for betraying me

now you know how it feels

keiji are you able to come now too?

kendoll

don't worry bo, you can come with us

tsukitsuki

exactly you don't want to hang out with her anyway

we're better

y/n

fuck you!

bo don't go! if you don't go i'll come pick you up after practice with food! anything you want, my treat!

queen keiji

i can't rn, i am also in class but if you're going to bring bokuto food, can you bring me some too please?

bokubro

does this mean you're not mad at me anymore ?

kendoll

dont fall for it bokuto!

tsukitsuki

yeah, come with us

y/n

bo i could never be mad at you!!! i love you so much~! 🥰🥰🥰

and sure, i'll get you something too keiji ^^  

queen keiji

alright, thank you 🙂

bokubro

I LOVE YOU TOOO DFSJDF 🥰🥰🥰 get me something with LOTS of meat please!!

y/n

okie! keiji do you have a preference on what you want?

tetsu

okay im back im with y/n now

kendoll

you don't have to tell us that

tetsu

i wanted to 😎

tsukitsuki

that emoji doesn't even make sense

tetsu

yes it does!

queen keiji

not really. you know what i like i trust you.

bokubro

ahh i gotta go now! ill see you later y/n!!

y/n

alrighty! see you soonish bo!!

tetsu

bye bo!

queen keiji

have fun at practise

bokubro

byeee! and thanks akaashi, I will 😊

y/n aight losers we're off i shall see you at home

tsukitsuki

or you could move out

y/n

shut up prick you're gonna see my hobo ass whether you want to or not

kendoll

we'd rather not

Friday, 3:56 pm.

y/n

mrs kwan is my sugar daddy

tsukitsuki

what the fuck

kendoll

as in the babysitter from cat in the hat?

tetsu

i just cackled so loudly- everyone is starring as me

y/n

yeah that's her 🥰

queen keiji

i don't know how to feel about this

kendoll

idk if i should be concerned or not

tsukitsuki

there is something mentally wrong with you

tetsu

im all for it, id smash

tsukitsuki

any sliver of respect i had for you is gone

y/n

ikr? she's such a hottie 😏🥵 tsuki doesn't know what he's missing

tetsu

clearly 🥵

tsukitsuki

that's it im changing the locks when i get home

kendoll

I'll help you

queen keiji

y/n aren't you in class rn? pay attention

y/n

okay okay!

...

would you smash kaashi?

tetsu

we need a tie breaker

queen keiji

...

yeah, sure

tsukitsuki

ive never been more disappointed

kendoll

agreed

gru is better

tsukitsuki

i hate you all

Friday, 6:18 pm.

bokubro

what'd i miss? 😂 dunno who she is imma look her up—

ohhh! yeah id smash 👁👄👁🤌✨

[fictionfixations]

aphmau and other mcyt (mostly aphmau tho)

uh. warning for cursing?? and spoilers probably

i was going through my playlist and stumbled on aphmau songs (or well songs i associated with her? The Last of the Real Ones although I think it's a fan thing, Way Way Back?, Cause You're The One, Be With You, I Am Falling For You ?, Faster Car..) and HOLY SHIT im going through memory lane now wtf

it used to be so cringy i cant (lMFAOO there was like alpha werewolves… and like-- so much more that im not sure how to explain LMFAOOO?????)

anyway remember that time incest happened??? im pretty sure ein (who mind controlled aph) was like a half brother or something. but mind controlled her into loving him, and like attacking aaron theres a whole host of other problems with it anyway

and then something something happened- OH MY GOD remember WHEN ANGELS FALL??? WAF. or something like that. I DONT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED, THE CONTEXT? i know aphmau learned healing for his scars that she like caused him (i think she pushed him off a cliff and later? stabbed him LMFAO) BUT LIKE. THEY WERE BEING HUNTED DOWN. ??? i honestly only remember that masquerade episode. and all i remember is that it happened. i think people died.. and there was the forbidden. potion. i cant remember the name. forever..? something? it gave them green eyes either that or they were mind controlled by some other way but there was sad moment Also i think kawaii chan almost died. or maybe it was zane?? i havent even thought about it in years omg

i dont know if shes doing anymore series. and i think id honestly cringe if i tried watching cause its all kids content anyway. last i checked she was like 'people waiting for a series, it'll happen soon' or something something (maybe im making it up but i think she mightve said something about minecraft diaries??). except there were like controversies where i think she fired a bunch of people. and other stuff? idk i dont pay attention to that stuff youre better off searching for it yourself

actually oh my god talking about mcyt controversies. popularmmos?? hello?? (it feels like everyone i used to watch turns out to be not so great or something)

i still dont know if it was real or not. jen (the wife?) refuted it

but i think i heard somewhere they got divorced?? i dont know man im so confused. and i mean i wouldnt watch him now (i was just obsessed with those lucky block videos iirc) but it still really sucks??

anyway.

LOOK. WEREWOLVES. RAWR

Anyway series I've watched from her (I might've missed some because I didn't remember? Or maybe there was a period I stopped watching and then came back, and thus missed some):

Angelsville I think tho idk if that counts since it was apparently a survival series (I'm looking at the wiki)

MyStreet: Aphmau's Year

Diaries Rebirth

Dreams of Estorra

Harvest Valley

Heart Point

Mermaid Tales

Meteora Valley I think?

Minecraft Diaries (S1-S3) (i remember once an episode was posted with the same thumbnail and name or something as the last hehe)

My Inner Demons

MyCraft I think.

MyStreet (below are the rest of the mystreet seasons. 6 seasons)

Love-Love Paradise

Lover's Lane

Emerald Secret

Starlight

When Angels Fall

(ANYWAY prequels to mystreet now--) Phoenix Drop High S1-S2 I don't remember watching Graduation Days. or Falcon Claw University, but some of the thumbnails look familiar..?? I think I watched Phoenix Drop Days..

The Bigger Move (side story. if I saw The Big Move, idk)

MyStreet Holiday Special

New Years Party

Aaron's Ticket

MyStreet: Her Wish

A Woof's Tale (pdh side mini-series)

MyStreet Upsidedown? Maybe i didn't see it, maybe I did, but the outfit I recognize

Phoenix Drop High (S1-S2)

Ultra Nova

woo man thats a lot. even if i get rid of the ones im unsure of its still.. a lot. blink blink

[marmolita]

medical stuff behind the cut (nothing particularly bad)

So I've been having annoying headaches, and I went to an ENT and he did some screening to see if it was sinuses or migraines and we decided probably sinuses. I took antibiotics to treat sinus infection and it seemed to help but not 100%, then he did a scan and was like "if it's not tolerable then the next step is sinus surgery" but I'm still not entirely sure it's sinuses and I don't want to surgery. It seems to be worse based on menstrual cycle and weather at times which seems sus for sinuses but idk.

I also had a time my endocrinologist was like "headaches? hmm cut your synthroid so that on Sundays you only take half a pill" a couple years ago and that seemed to help at the time, but then all my hypothyroid symptoms started coming back, and also at that time I weighed like 20lb less than I do now and presumably my synthroid dosage depends somewhat on my weight so idk, I'm trying it again though.

Also, maybe I have headaches bc I haven't been exercising and my veins suck ass?

But now I'm thinking about migraines and how I often have a lot of floaters in my vision that are kinda dark/shadowy colored dots, and I've had them long enough to have had two optometrist exams with retinal imaging so I know my retina isn't detaching, but it just occurred to me literally yesterday that that could perhaps be the kind of "visual disturbance" that might count as a migraine aura? It's literally just extra floaters that are dark instead of clear though so for all I know my contact lenses might be dirty, and it's only visible in bright lights, so idk????

Then meanwhile at the same time I had a blood draw for my thyroid labs where she absolutely could not get my vein, even the good vein (I have terrible veins) and also I've been more sore/achy in the mornings esp and now I'm like, what if this is all really part of whatever undiagnosable connective tissue issue I've had for forever? should I go back to the rheumatologist who ten years ago was like "look sometimes a diagnosis takes years because we have to wait and see if any new symptoms pop up, but since your chronic pain is manageable with OTC painkillers that's honestly about the best we could hope for anyway"? should I see a neurologist in case it's migraines or some other brain thing?

sure would be nice to have a primary care doctor who actually was useful but that appears to be a thing of the past, it takes three weeks to get a 5 min appointment where he tells me "try these allergy meds" that I then look at the side effects for and am like wtf no

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was the year/make/model of the last car you drove? I don't drive.

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celcius)? Gah, noooo thankfully I have not.

What was the last thing you used your phone for, besides calling/texting? Ha, it's rare that I'm using my phone for actual phone things lol. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was TikTok.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I don't have a job.

Did you enjoy high school? I liked some parts of it. Like, I actually enjoyed the pep rallies and assemblies. Honestly, while a lot of it truly was tough and I'll still stand by that, I think as I've gotten older and looked back some of the stuff maybe wasn't so bad after all.

What's an unusual food combination you like? I haven't had it in so long, but I actually think adding mayo to ramen is good.

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? Just like half a day.

Have you ever lived in a studio apartment? No.

Did your parents allow you to drink soda when you were a kid? Yeah.

Do you always check the prices of things when you buy groceries? Of course. I don't have money coming out my ass. However, I do sometimes randomly throw stuff in, but it's a snack or drink and I know it doesn't cost much.

Do you like gyoza? I've never had it.

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? No.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what's your current profile pic? Very, very, very rarely. I don't even spend much time on it scrolling through my feed or watching people's insta stories. I just posted something for the first time in a few years for my birthday.

Did you ever go through an emo or goth phase? I had my emo phase when I was 16, but let's be real it was never just a phase.

What are your thoughts on kids being given iPads to keep them entertained? I don't see an issue with it. However, I personally wouldn't use a screen as a babysitter and I'd set limits to screen time. Otherwise, I definitely see the educational benefits. It's just wild how kids literally come out the womb nowadays knowing how to use a tablet or phone like wtf.

Do you get regular check-ups with your doctor? With one of my specialists, but not my primary doctor.

What was the last thing you felt apprehensive about? I'm apprehensive about everything.

How many nights per week do you cook dinner at home vs. going out to eat? I personally don't cook, so in that regard zero. As for how many nights I eat at home vs in my case how many nights I get takeout, it's something like takeout 4-5 times a week.

What's a trend you've seen recently that you thought was really dumb? I will never understand the whole Crocs trend or the little charm things you put on them. I just can't.

Do you know anyone who has been evicted? Not to my knowledge.

When did you last wash your sheets and pillowcases? A couple weeks ago.

Have you kissed more than 10 people in the past 10 years? I've only kissed 3 people total.

Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Gah, yes. I was at an outdoor festival and it just randomly started POURING. It was crazy.

Did you leave the house before 10 AM yesterday? I didn't go anywhere yesterday.

What's your favorite macaron flavor? The Fruity Pebbles one.

How often do you have friends over to your house? --

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally?

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? I last stayed at a motel in March of 2022.

What kind of technological advancements do you expect there to be 100 years from now? >> I can't fathom this

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? No, I can't go on a trampoline.

What about a flip off of a diving board? I can't do that either.

What was the last hot beverage you had? Coffee.

[adhdthoughts]

Ok nvm, I post it now.

So there are some updates in my life..

I think I shared it some time, that the adhd medication don't really work for me.

Ritalin/Medikinet doesn't really do smth for me.. also Elvanse seemed not to work that well. I feel more motivated to do things on Elvanse, but was never sure if it actually helps me concentrate better or doing the stuff that I needed/wanted to do.

I always took Ritalin/Elvanse with a few weeks or sometimes months in-between. Just because I wanted to have a new impression of what it does to me or if it even does anything. I can't sleep on Elvanse, even when I take it at 07:00 and going to bed at 00:00 or even 01:00.

I'm always struggling with falling asleep (1-2h) and when I am asleep I feel like I'm 40% awake. And sometimes I woke up after a few hours and need to try again.

But I have exams pretty soon (which is a big struggle coz I'm fkn bad as studying and really hat it) so I wen't to my Psych and asked for an attestation that I have more time in my Exam.

(Some background-knowledge: I'm kinda struggling with the time in every test that I write or wrote in school. I don't know why I'm so fkn slow at that, but I always get just ok'ish grades instead of good ones, because I can't finish my tests. I don't really feel like I'm wasting my time a lot or looking around a lot, but somehow I can't manage to finish them in time.. maybe because too much of an perfectionist and want my phrases to sound good and rearranging them in my head back and forth, Idk..)

Anyway, so I got that attestation and she also asked me what about my medicals (I wasn't there for 1 year and I told her that I still have that sleeping issues and then she said, np, you can take Trimipramin before you go to sleep, try it out.

I haven't used Elvanse for about a half year, because I didn't want to be awake half of the night and probably be tired or even more unconcentrated the day after. I only did it on working days so far, because I thought why should I use it on weekends, thats my free time.

So I after I got that sleeping med I tried it out on a Saturday with the mindset that I wanna get shit done that day. And wtf I was doing productive things for 11h straight. Like cleaning my room finally (kinda deep, also the windows and stuff, Pog xd), helped mom with the house, groceries, tried to sort all my lose paper/sheets into folders, etc..

Was a great feeling to get smth done.

But not every elvanse day is a 11h productive type day, but maybe because I'm not committing often enough that day/evening before.

(I still have some side-effects of it like cold feet, less appetite and my intestine is more active.. but that doesn't matter so much for me.)

So yeah.. I'm experimenting more with it, taking it 0-3 times a week.

I have much more joy on working at my job and it's pretty easy for me to work 8-9h even without any break (sure that's illegal and not healthy, but I'm not planning to do that often, that's just what I noticed).

For days when I really don't want to work my 8h that's a good mood boost.

But I think I also noticed that I can study better, but I'm still not quite sure about it, but at least it's helping me with getting the chores done, which is pretty nice, let me feel better and a clean room is better for concentrating when studying.

Will continue that in the next post..

[ilaiyayaya]

I AM SO HYPED LIKE 5 PACKAGES I'VE BEEN WAITING ON FOR A MONTH OR MORE ALL HAPPENED TO ARRIVE TODAY I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE AGAIN!!! I WANT TO you must die!!!

"My cool gore gamer deskmat arrived, that's half of my cool gore gamer order the other half is idk probably in hell or something it'll be here someday I'm sure I can wait I can be patient" Misaka says while vibrating furiously. Now I have 2 (technically 3) deskmats, the other of which is for a semi-cancelled mmo maplestory 2 clone that I got by winning a review contest where I did pretty much nothing but shit on the game's beta lmao (I own 2 of that deskmat because so few people participated in it that I won 2 different categories.) That deskmat is shit it's like, the lowest quality print I've ever seen like, like it's funny levels of low res, it kinda makes it more epic tbh. That game was cool, I mean it was kinda shit, but like, fun kusoge, too bad the soft launch did so poorly that it got shut down before making it to a full launch 😔. I got a shit cool deskmat out of it tho >:) and also a bunch of other garbage like a cup, and a bag, and acrylic standees all of which have been sentenced to eternity in a box in my closet. The bag was kinda nice I can't complain too much about the bag I like it :).

Wtf the cool gore deskmat I bought is too big spongebing womp :c Time to make my desk 12x more scuffed looking by forcing it to fit >:) Nevermind I found a perfect spot for it by just putting it on the side section of my desk instead of underneath my keyboard, now it fits and also just looks significantly better than the original plan anyways 😎

Hehehe all the cables and stuff I need to mod my PSP came in I am gonna fucking destroy this thing I am so gonna brick it within a month I'm probably not even gonna actually play many games on it I just think PSP modding is fascinating :). Like the PSP is so cool and is like the most interesting semi-modern console for so many reasons imo but like, it's probably tied with the Xbox Series X (I hate that name so much why did they name it that, it's like a worse name than the Wii U, at least the Wii U had the benefit of being the freaking coolest thing ever made I love the Wii U it's so shit but like in fun ways) when it comes to emulation and modding specifically, but the Xbox has an unfair advantage because hardware-wise it's a fucking PC like there's nothing special about it, it's just good for emulation because any normal computer is good for emulation. The PSP however is special, it can fit in my hand, and it can emulate N64 really really well which is weird af because N64 emulation on PC even today is like super flawed, and it's cool because it's the PSP and the PSP is cool! My epic officially licensed uncensored borderline-lost media PSP eroge didn't arrive today tho so I'm still gonna have to wait like 2 weeks for that, le sigh so no UMD-PG rant today 😔. But I can still rant about other things! Like, like how it's so cool that you can change the PSP background to any image you want! like I can make it this-

-I won't, because this is a terrible image. Why do I have this saved? I save very few memes why is this one of the ones I chose to save? Why is it named "ground beef heritage post.jpg??? Not anymore I'm deleting it, gone forever. Absolutely vile picture, I would never desecrate my dear, beloved Playstation Portable with such filth. But I could! The possibilities are endless!

Nevermind I found the REAL PSP background, it's so fitting, so good, see it's a reference to the visual novel Tsukihime, which probably has a PSP port! maybe, possibly, idk I'm not a big enough Tsukihime fan to look into all of it's ports, and acting like I am would simply be disingenuous behavior.

Just learned while writing this that the PSP has a camera peripheral sigh I can't waste more money on PSP related junk so soon it'll have to wait. BUT SOMEDAY I WILL SO RECORD A LIVESTREAM USING THE PSP CAMERA AS A WEBCAM LIKE THAT PERSON THAT USED THE GAMEBOY CAMERA AS A WEBCAM!!! It would be way less impressive than that was, but now I've conjured the idea and I can't just let it go, it's a part of me now, an inseparable scheme from the core of my very being.

I'M STILL WAITING FOR 2 MORE PACKAGES TOO AND I WANT THEM NOW NOW NOW they probably won't be here for anywhere from 1 week to like idk several months i hate ben saint sorry that was rude i'll apologize once i get my dire apple pin and thus regain basic human compassion.

One of the packages that came today also included a skirt I ordered. I like it looks nice :). I have nothing more to say about it that is all.

Sorry that was a visual representation of an allergic reaction I had. To the pollen. Like in the air. I am inside of a beehive. HELP ME GET ME OUT AAAAAAAAAAAA skirts are nice :)

Tune in next time where I will finally answer the long awaited question: Where did Yugi Muto go after the ending of Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal? The answer will shock you because I don't actually have the answer to that question and am just going to make something up I apologize in advance for lying to my audience it will happen again.

[riddlerosehearts]

more bg3 thoughts with my half-elf bard elenion. first i want to mention that i actually changed his face/head a bit because it had started bugging me that his ears looked longer and pointier than a half-elf's should really be--they were too much like a full elf's. so i took a closer look at what options were available in the head presets mod i have installed, and i found one that's really similar to what i already had with the biggest differences i can notice just being the ears, and also it has freckles built into it which i was thinking of adding to him anyway. he looks like this now:

i may or may not have cool dyes really early because of mods lol. also, i get really sad about gale in this post!

first thing i came across in the mountain pass was some lady who wanted us to steal a githyanki egg for her so i said no because that just sounds like bad news and i don't think my character would do it. yes i'm locking myself out of quests for the sake of roleplay LOL (i also said no to helping the zhentarim with whatever the fuck they were doing) but it is technically still open if i change my mind, and if not, then it's something i'll get to explore on another playthrough.

HEY IT'S ELMINSTER. I KNOW HIM. and elenion does too because bards get a whole class-specific conversation for this!

i don't usually reload just to try different options but i figure if there's class-specific stuff then i might as well, so i tried all 3 of these and saved elminster's responses. this is what he says about each option:

i actually liked the sound of the last one's title, but elenion hates anything written by volo on principle because of exactly what elminster is describing and therefore that is not going to be their actual response. i think they probably like the first one best.

???? and now elminster is telling us that mystra will only grant "forgiveness" to gale if he stops the absolute by killing himself. and gale is just not objecting to this at all. that is NOT one of the many things i was spoiled about. what the fuck.

well yeah, and elenion is a half-elf who's falling in love with a human and is already keenly aware of the difference in their lifespans and how little time they might have with him (they're not thinking about gale being a powerful wizard who could magically extend his lifespan because they'd never assume that someone would want to do that for them. and more importantly he kind of has a bomb in his chest). there is no way they'd let that time be cut even shorter by allowing gale to kill himself for mystra, and neither will i 😭😭

seriously. it is insane how chill gale is acting about this and how little self-worth he has. part of elenion's story is that they feel responsible for the death of their father so they are not going to let someone else they love die if they can stop it. also i hate mystra right now because literally what the fuck?! what kind of goddess asks that of someone?! before i started playing this game i saw people hate on gale and complain about how "he never stops talking about his ex" but they left out the fact that his ex is the actual goddess of magic who is abusing him!! of course he's going to talk about her!! i'm so sad wtf.

this is actually so completely insane that i'm considering having elenion eat some of the mindflayer parasite specimens and using this as a justification for them feeling desperate enough to do it, because what's the point of any of this if they once again aren't strong enough to save their loved ones? but i'm also still torn because on the one hand the power the guardian is promising could still just be a trick and i'm sure there will be some sort of story consequences down the line for putting more tadpoles in your brain. on the other hand whatever consequences there are might make things more narratively interesting. why am i so indecisive about this omg.

anyway:

this entire conversation is incredible LMAO. i love karlach. i now desperately wish we could see gale's live reaction to karlach telling him that.

you know... maybe lae'zel's words here would help convince elenion that he doesn't need to use the illithid powers to be strong enough to protect gale, when he's got such a powerful group of allies backing him up. this also definitely makes him like and respect lae'zel more, when he's spent most of the game so far finding her abrasive and frustrating to deal with but unfortunately necessary to have around.

THIS on the other hand is not going to make him dislike astarion any less. i think you could look at this dialogue as astarion trying to express in his own fucked up way that he cares, but elenion would definitely interpret it more as "caring more about controlling the cult than about gale being ordered to kill himself" and think it was crazy insensitive of him. so it is probably going to take a long time for them to be able to be friends.

YESS THANK YOU WYLL. wyll is so sweet and good and is basically saying the exact same thing as lae'zel. and elenion puts a lot of stock in his opinion because i've got 97 approval with wyll so they're definitely besties lol. so you know what. i'm going to continue ignoring the tadpoles and i'll roleplay my own indecisiveness as elenion himself having felt really torn up and afraid after talking to elminster and gale, and very strongly considering listening to the dream guardian before speaking to everyone and feeling reassured that there must be another way that doesn't require giving himself more brain worms.

and speaking of wyll and elenion being besties--when i crossed over to rosymorn monastery i got a bit of banter between shadowheart and wyll where he named off a couple of dramatic-sounding titles and was like "i'm trying to decide on a title for this chapter of the blade's adventures!". so they are definitely bonding over wyll being kind of an overdramatic dork who loves talking about his heroic adventures.

after wandering through the monastery area a lot, i found my way to the creche. i checked out a portrait of vlaakith and had a dexterity check option to draw a new face onto it. elenion would not vandalize artwork like that but i couldn't resist so i did it and then reloaded to do the history check instead LMAO. i'm obsessed with the fact that not only is this possible to do but your tav gets this ridiculous grin on their face while lae'zel gets mad:

exploring the creche and seeing the cruel and unforgiving environment that lae'zel has been shaped by is fascinating. in the classrooms they force children to fight to the death, and i had to pass a very high persuasion check to convince the teacher to leave a student who didn't want to kill someone alone. in the infirmary, lae'zel says that if certain protocols are broken then kids are hit with barbed whips. in the hatchery, only one egg has yet to hatch and there's a letter to its caretaker that says that if it can't hatch on its own it should be destroyed--and according to lae'zel, most caretakers would do so. it really is no wonder she's the way she is, and i can't wait to see how she develops.

but also if you tell the caretaker you want to take the egg to another creche that's more forgiving lae'zel approves and then says she feels drawn to its warmth omg 🥺 i just know she has a soft spot for kids.

i keep going back and forth on how i think elenion should feel about the dream guardian. i guess i can roleplay that as them being conflicted, like they were about consuming the tadpoles. i think they definitely want to trust the guardian and believe that she's not just protecting them as a way to use them for her own motives, and generally they do choose to trust her, but they've also been afraid of what could happen if they use the tadpoles and something goes wrong. however, i also think that after getting to meet the dream guardian face-to-face and learn all of these insane things about the githyanki and vlaakith which were then backed up by kith'rak voss, they've become more inclined to believe her.

anyway i am really glad i went to the mountain pass!! and now i definitely don't want to pass up on whatever cool story beats are waiting in the underdark. so, roleplay reasoning for this is that we were already planning to double back anyway after going to check out the creche since it was seemingly the most reasonable lead on a cure, but that uhhhh did not work out and now continuing to travel through the mountain pass feels especially dangerous.

[soubiapologist]

Hi, this might be a silly question, but my mind is stuck on this. So a few hours ago I watched the first episode of the Loveless anime for the first time, and I am intrigued. After the first episode I was a bit confused and decided to take a moment to check the wiki for the fighter & sacrifice deal, just to make sure I got that part of the world building—this turned into a rabbit hole and I’m left with some more confusion.

So what I gathered so far: there are people born with magical abilities and there are normal people without magic. The first group is also the one that has soulmates, sort of? Which then brings up the fighter & sacrifice thing. And here’s where I’m hung up: why are the teams fighting each other? Like does all their fighting training from childhood on have a bigger purpose? It looks like the ones with magic abilities are a minority so training and making fighting each other the main deal seems… counterintuitive? In all the digging I did I realised how little that whole aspect was brought up. Maybe it’s a me issue—either bc I went in with a wrong impression/expectation or just my impatience/not trying the manga first.

So now I wonder: how important is that world building in the story aside from it being the setting that enhances/enables some of the abuse? Does it get more fleshed out in the manga or is it left vague bc it’s really more about the characters themselves, their developments, trying to heal their traumas etc (which is totally fine)? I just walked into this curious about the fighter & sacrifice dynamic that I had heard some vague stuff about before trying the anime.

Thank you in advance :)

ok so hiiiii thank you for sending me this aaaaask i have no idea why i'm the person of all of us you picked to ask loveless questions but i'm so humbled omg......... <- ego inflating massively and kicking my legs back and forth and giggling

ugggghh this is really hard to answer because a lot of stuff in loveless is either left vague intentionally or not um. finished because the mangaka fucked off for like half a decade and has shown signs of like. mulling around on the idea of returning but it's been dead in the water for half a decade and there's still a LOT of unanswered questions but i'll do my best to answer what i thhhhhiiink you're asking?

i've read that yun kouga was inspired to make loveless in part by the buddy battle media that was popular at the time like pokemon/digimon etc but idk how accurate that is it's just something i read on twitter when shit was Blowing Up a few days back from some rando i don't have an actual source on that but ANYWAY yun kouga loves Fucking Tropes and Deconstructing Them And Being Fucked Up With Them it's a whole Thing so...... keep that in mind lol, she loves to present you with something and then go PSYCH YOU THOUGHT and then when you're like MAN she really got me wtf she goes PYSCH GOT YOU AGAIN and this continues on for many many year. where was i going with this. ANYWAY!!!!!!!

so the thing about the soulmates system which is what i'll call it for convenience's sake going forward is that it isssss one of those things we don't have a lot of information on, haha. we can make a lot of assumptions about the symbolic meaning of it but we don't really know on a literal level enough to say where it came from or how it like. WORKS, but on a meta level loveless is VERY invested in the power of language. i believe in one of the essays published in the tokyo pop releases it's mentioned that in the spell battles the spells are influenced partly by like the amount of strokes in the kanji or something idr i donnnnn't have my copies of either the TP or viz releases on me and i don't recall them being included in any scanlation i've seen. loveless is one of those series that does involve some cultural signifiers that are hard or even impossible to parse as westerners but i don't think that they make up so much of the story that it takes a TON away from the story if you don't get them.

mild spoilers ahead;

i CAN tell you that midori and ai aka breathless do show up again, several times (they are cute and i love them) and do have narrative significance, especially ai. i think in the beginning they're just setting up the spell system and letting you know that it's a thing and telling you about the dynamic between fighter and sacrifice for the most part. i don't think the battles themselves are that important outside of kind of being action setpieces and showing the dynamic between the characters BUT the POWER SYSTEM that they use for the battles and the fact that the battles are a thing at all is very significant to the themes of the story. if that makes sense haha. it's sort of hard to explain without like. doing a play by play of literally every part of the story and also without spoiling soubi's uh........ deal so to speak which really recontextualizes basically the entire story once you find out about it somewhere between volumes 3 and 5 i don't. entirely remember. also the whole deal with seimei is uh........ ((gesturing vaguely and grimacing and looking back at the audience for help)) integral. to the understanding why they're fighting in the first place. the first part of loveless is sort of a convoluted slog of bullshit because of characters intentionally obfuscating information for various reasons but it is. mostly intentional in this. loveless is at its core a story about systems of power and an exercise in exploring disempowerment within those systems and having a literal magic battle system using the thing that we most commonly use in the really real world use to navigate interpersonal relationships (language) is an important facet of exploring that, despite the LITERAL battles not really representing that, the EXISTENCE of the battles does, if that makes sense? it also relies heavily on visual language, such as the thing with the cat ears and the bondage, which both seem like fetish bullshit (and honestly definitely probably are to some degree) but both have extremely important functions w/r/t the narrative and storytelling regarding disempowerment and interpersonal relationships.

tl;dr they are fighting for a reason, the reason these people have powers isn't really explained but it's sorrrrt of implied to be some kind of bloodline + genetic thing at one point or another but we don't really know for sure, [the following is purely my opinion] my reading of it is that it's a criticism of the way the nuclear family enables abuse partially through the idea of a One True Love which is something popular in shoujo, and loveless is a deconstruction of a lot of bl and more broadly speaking shoujo tropes.

additionally i would like to say that you are not going to understand what is going on in loveless from one read i would say it takes at least two to really start DIGGING into the meat of it and frankly every time i've reread it i've noticed something new to think about. it's deep! it's dense! it's the nekomimi mariana trench. loveless is an investment. it's like a mortgage or something

[respitelocklyre]

Okay so I FINALLY feel like I'm settling in after move-in day and having syllabus week, I have a little free time to update you guys on stuff!!

The first few days leading up to orientation were crazy, sure, but like you wouldnt believe wtf happened DURING orientation. First off, I hit up the ppl i met at the cafe so we could go together (willow also dragged her roomie along and she totally promised she was cool but she was sooooo lame lmao), but we ended up being the last to arrive somehow. Turns out orientation here is, like, a small group activity and not some big boring thing in an auditorium so i ended up working on this weird group scavanger hunt in the library with the same ppl. idk, the statues in the room with the glowing pool of magic light ("the snarl"???) told us something about working together and being graded on teamwork. Since when is orientation fucking graded anyways???

We split up even more into two groups since we were running late so we could tackle different clues at the same time. I managed to pawn stick-in-the-mud and frat boy off on each other (with mettie as necessary collateral damage but whatevs im sure he didnt mind). I'm just happy i got to be with willow who so far seems like the most normal person i've met since the cafe. I guess that nora girl and that cute owl boy i met today were pretty normal too. Wait wait wait did i even tell you guys about my roommate? He was, like, dumpster-diving on day 1 so i did NOT get the best first impression on the weirdo, but at least he's letting me use his closet since he only owns like 3 shirts and 2 pants.

Anyways back to the scavenger hunt! It was kinda cute but also super lame in that way school-sponsored events always are. Muk had another terrible time in the cafe (but got a, like, bag of holding out of it- which i am SO jealous of tbh!!), i befriended a bush (no not like that, it was, like, an actual sentient bush) that gave me a cute morphing plushie, and then willow got a lantern for getting on stage! From what i gathered, mettie and the others spent most of their time playing with the magic light pool in the first room? It made them trip balls or smthn. idc what mettie says- i dont think microdosing on distilled wild magic is gonna make thad a cooler person.

I think they did get some health potions from it tho, and then they found some kitschy little school pennants from their other clue. Mettie got enough for all of us, tho he brought me a prismari one and like...idk. I'm still not sure about all that stuff. I have like a year to figure it out tho so 🤷‍♀️

Okay that was all normal stuff but HERE is where it got CRAZY! We were just about to regroup and finish our scavenger hunt, when out of NOWHERE this chest came to life as a mimic and chomped down on this poor little gnome lady! And then a chair started coming to life too! Everyone was panicking and tbh i kinda wanted to gtfo too but idk, my group just, like...rushed in to help her so what was i gonna do? Make myself look bad by leaving them all behind in public? Not on my first day lol

tbh i might as well have just run away though, bc finance bro immediately drops a sleep spell and ofc me, mettie, and the gnome (CURRENTLY BEING DIGESTED) passed out and the two mimics were, like, totally fine.

idk what happened while i was sleeping, but once i woke up muk was totally passed out and bleeding everywhere, but at least they managed to get the other student out of the mimic's mouth before that. Anyways i sawed that motherfucker in half and then sawed the legs off the other stupid chair-mimic. I mean, dont get me wrong, it was def a group effort to take them down for sure. Aside from the sleep spell i think we have a kinda rhythm going together, considering that was our third fight before classes had even started 🙄 🙄 🙄

And then finally a professor showed up to help! She apologized and told us these things just kinda happen sometimes because of the snarl thing in the library, like it causes wild magic surges and stuff. She took the gnome lady to the infirmary and gave us all a platinum piece for our troubles (she said it wasn't a bribe, but ngl its working on me anyways).

After all that, our first week went pretty smoothly- we're all gonna meet up to go to the career/club fair at the end of the week! It sounds like most of us do not wanna keep being baristas after what happened lol We also went for boba and a lil mall trip this week, since muk hadn't ever done either of those things before (they were homeschooled!) and i am always up for getting myself a little treat. Even better when someone else gets the little treat for me! I can't believe mettie got my boba order right on the first try. Like...oh, whatever. I know that entry was long but school has been waaayy crazier than i expected! Sorry for any, like, slow updates n stuff, i promise i'll be back to my usual posting once this place chills out fr

[gabzlovesu]

VALENTINE'S DAY STORYTIME:

here’s what happened...

we celebrated valentine's day on saturday because i wasn't sure what my schedule for monday was gonna look like — nursing school doesn't stop for nobody yall and i can't afford to get behind. i had to study for an exam on sunday and the restaurant wasn't gonna be open that day, so we settled for the latest reservation we could get at char on saturday, which was 12:00.

ok say boom, friday night i washed my hair and prepped it for my wig and stuff, but ya girl was in distress because i didn't finish until like 1 or 2 in the morning and my hair was still a little damp. so i'm like, i'll just get up in the morning to put it on.

saturday morning i get up at 8 and to lay my wig — almost burning myself in the process — and do my makeup. and look...i'm no pro but i did wtf i had to do! i was on crunch time with only 3 hours to get ready and i mf did that! i literally did not get dressed up until the last minute and i was scared that we weren't going to make our brunch reservation. here's my otufit ig, i literally don't know how to take pictures so don't say nothing:

i tell him to pull up to my dorm because i'm getting dressed and it will only take a few minutes to get myself together and the resturant was just down the street. AS SOON AS I GET DRESSED I REALIZE I DON'T HAVE MY WINTER COAT! but being the bad bitch that i am i was just gonna suck it up and go out in the 30 degree weather and just grab my coat from the car. that would be fine right? NOPE! i fucking forgot that my sister took the car to work that morning so i wouldn't be able to get my jacket. when my bf pulled up i literally sprinted to the car with his gift in my arms looking like a skank 😭 but yall would do it too for a check!

we made it in time, we get our table with no wait at all. cool. and i just know people are staring at me for being dressed like this when its freezing outside, idgaf tho and they need to worry about they food. we had the stupid chocolate milk debate at the table lmaooooo. anyways, i got the shrimp and grits and he got the chicken and biscuits (ya know some real southern shit purrr). now exaplain to me why my shit was expensive and i got like a cup of grits and 5 pieces of shrimp and this man had hella food for less. i was cheated yall, but he did share some of his food with me hehe 🥰 we got desert also, which was alright but the options were limited and i'm a picky eater lol. here's my food:

he takes me back to my place so i can change into some comfy clothes and clean up my room before i go to his apartment. and we made a quick stop by walgreens on the way to his place.... iykyk.

so we walk up the stairs and he like pauses before he opens the door, and i'm just like, you good bro?? BUT IT TURNS OUT HE HAD ROSE PETALS LEADING TO HIS ROOM WHERE THEY WERE ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND ON THE BED IN A HEART SHAPE WITH CHOCOLATES AND A BIG SQUISHMALLOW!!! he knows i loves squishmallows, they're so cutee aaghhhhh. he also said that he will take me to get a mani pedi wenever i want; he didn't want to make an appointment in advance because he knows nursing school has my schedule all fucked up. then he opened my gift which was a basket full of candy, a card, the new pokemon game that he wanted so bad, and a nike gift card.

and ummm this is the nsfw part so go away if your not 18+ or you don't want to read it. so we started making out and shit and my clothes just disappeared like idk what happened yall 🤷🏽‍♀️ he at my coochie, as he should, and then broke my back while folding me in half like a lawn chair. there were some slipups, like a rose petal got stuck in my butt crack and i didn't even know lmfao, and i said "you gonna fuck me like a slut?" and he didn't respond how i wanted him too and i was embarazzed (he's so vanilla yall, we're working on that tho). then this man said — and i quote— "squirt all over my dick" EXCUSE ME??!!! WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT BECAUSE I AINT NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE OMGGGGG...but i did it tho sskksks.

when we were finish we really just laid around and had a chill day after that, we don't have to be doing much to enjoy each other's company. i watched him play the pokemon game for a little bit before watching tiktoks on my phone. eventually he fell asleep (that coochie knocked him out 😮‍💨) i was fighting off sleep but i stayed up to study a little for my exam. we eventually went on a food run with his friends that night an then went to sleep. i did unfortunately loose my BRAND FREAKING NEW set of lashes that i had put on that day :(

BUT I LOVED OUR VALENTINE'S DAY AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OKAY BYEEEE!

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents