#writing will stop the tears right
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Now that Mers officially over can I talk about how much Theo and Mer has meant to me.
Mer came out when I was still a sophomore in high school (15 years old) and at the point I was still figuring out my own gender and identity stuff, so seeing a character actively working through the same things as me meant the world to me.
Me and Theo have similar struggles with our transness and that’s hard to find rep for. Feeling like you’re not enough for the gender you know you are and thinking you’re still just that little girl no matter what you’ve tried. Being able to watch Theo go through that struggle but still be accepted by house around him and by himself is part of the reason I think I’ve been so accepting of myself. At the beginning of mer I wouldn’t be wearing or doing half the things i am now just cause of how uncomfortable it would make me to look “like a girl”. And well a lot of dysphoria and discomfort for still present I’m able to handle everything a whole lot better.
Not even just being queer wise Theo is so similar to me and I see so much of me in him. Being overprotective of people we consider family, being paranoid about things constantly, and worrying about everything. And then being able to see him grow and change from that makes it seem like I could get better with it too. Even if those are still struggle with watching mer shows that I could stop feeling this way.
Theo is like a light showing me what my future could look like and I’m so thankful that I was able to find it.
Mer became a big part of my life (even if I only really watched heyhays pov) from the moment I watched the first vod. I would recap the newest episode to my friend durning chemistry almost every class ( I thing I still do with him). Being able to watch this story play out from the very beginning was a magical ride that I’ll miss being on.
I’ll miss coming home and instantly watching the newest lore of Theo. I’ll miss rewatching the first few episodes over and over again cause that’s all I had and I was already obsessed. I’ll miss the big surprises and emotional twist this series gave us. But I’m so happy they all got the ending they deserve and that they got their stories shared.
While I’m sad to see Mer leaving that just leave more room for me to latch onto the smp they put out. 
#mer smp#Theo mer smp#writing right after watching the final episode#writing will stop the tears right#heyhay13#transgender#queer
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So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.
#yes i'm just going to come out and say it i'm talking about sera#not exclusively but i am talking about her#'but her writer actually iS A--' you don't know that! it doesn't matter! and i don't care!#just say that you do not like the character.#people will reblog posts about the latest actor or YA author or whatever getting forced out of the closet and be like#'wow. :( that's terrible.'#and then GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING IT#when are we going to learn#when are we going to stop doing this BEFORE somebody is forcibly outed#because in practical terms#that means you have to be okay with queer characters being written by straight people.#you have to stop weaponizing that against writers you don't like.#you have to be willing to critique the writing on its own merits#without using the writer's (assumed) identity to prop up your arguments#that's how it works#but who wants to actually change the way they talk about media#when tearing apart people's identities for clout is far more entertaining.#gwaren exports#fandom problems#fandom critical
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Nsfw // Remember the itfs talk?? Cause I was thinking, I was thinking so hard about what to answer cause like yesss!!!
I want to focus on the latter tags cause.... Wow thats what I'm talking about!! Whenever I read itafushi I like top yuuji and bottom (and more often than not sub) megumi. So it makes so much sense that you'd want to take revenge for that cause he liked you but chose to ask yuuji out before asking you?? Or, yuuji knew megs liked you and still choose to ask him out?? So, in the first scenario it would be more than fair to dom him! Maybe you were all just talking about how you all ended up together and yuuji just lets that slip. maybe you're feeling like being a bit (or maybe a lot) mean to megumi, get him on his knees, sucking, deepthroating really, yuuji with you controlling his movements absolutely forcing him to take all of yuus length down his throat and gag like crazy with an obscene amount of spit oozing out of the corner of his lips. It was definitely personal too, they way you were treating megumi. Yuuji is not innocent in all of this ofc, but I'll let that slide for the sake of the moment. To continue punishing megs you would have your way with yuuji while he just sits there and... watch. It would end with yuuji giving you a huge creampie, it was such a lewd sight too, his dick was already shining cause of megumis spit, and even more after he entered you cause you were soaked. So there you are, full of your bfs cum seeping out and you ask megumi to clean you, cause that wouldn't be the first nor last time that he'd taste yuuji. Your revenge on yuuji is definitely happening another day too
gnaws on a steel plate… godddddddd okokokok yuuji has such an effortless dominate aura about him that’s a little scary once he hones in on it. most of the time, it’s purely his outgoing, charming nature and physical strength that lures other people into submission by will or force, whichever comes first, and he’s sort of naive to it. but when he chooses to exercise that strength, when he chooses to be stronger than you, than megumi, when he chooses to seduce, it’s mind-numbing, it’s boyish, but there’s still a distinct power struggle that it’s dizzying… insane…
anyway… you said two very important things in here and i only have the space (brainpower) to bring attention to one right now, and i will below, but just know we need to come back to the point about letting yuuji creampie you while megumi’s there bc i am firm believer that that’s actually one of megumi’s biggest fantasies. in general, seeing you and yuuji together does very bad things for his brain but not bad enough for him to deny that… also megumi king of safe sex until it comes to watching yuuji cum inside of you goddddd
yuuji is the one who instigates your revenge in the first place (and he will also do the opposite, will convince megumi that he deserves to take some frustration out on you, that you were sooo oblivious while he pined for you for all those years, how you weren’t very observant as his best friend and now he’s got the chance to show you exactly how badly he’s wanted you… but that’s for another time…)—but right now, yuuji’s getting into your head, he’s deceptively charming, not at all innocent, and far too calculated when he stops making out with megumi and turns to you, not too far away, sitting up against the headboard with wide eyes. yuuji thinks you look awfully cute—you always do when you three are together, you have this wide-eyed awe about you; not shy, but definitely still timid about the fact that you’re now dating your childhood best friend and his boyfriend. yuuji loves that look, but he thinks he’d like to ruin it more.
and he takes the opportunity to do so, much to megumi’s surprised and distaste—ignoring megumi’s pawing at the hem of his shirt, impatient, yuuji looks over his shoulder to you and poses, “can i ask you something?”
your eyebrows raise in surprise. megumi’s raise in suspicion, petulantly coming down from the high of making out with yuuji, and craning his head back to look at you. your eyes shift to his briefly, and then back to yuuji’s, almost embarrassed, and when he looks at megumi, there’s a slight blush at the tips of his ears. cute. you two are very cute, and yuuji likes it a lot. it confirms to him exactly what he wants to happen tonight.
“you remember how i told you about yuuta-senpai? and how he’s my best friend, but when he started dating inumaki-senpai, i kinda hated him because they spent so much time together?” yuuji recounts casually, biting back a grin when megumi huffs. you nod, evidently confused, but yuuji continues, slowly reaching a hand up megumi’s arm, over his shoulder, up his jaw, until he reaches the shell of his ear, then asks, “did you ever feel that way about me?”
he can see the shock on your face, hear it from megumi when he gasps a bit and pulls away from yuuji’s touch, “what kind of a—”
but yuuji doesn’t want to hear his side of the story right now. in fact, if all goes his way, he won’t be hearing much of anything from megumi tonight—he reaches his hand back up to pinch at megumi’s ear, and hushes him, “i’m just asking her, meg. she’s my girlfriend now, too. don’t i get to know these things?”
your mouth is slightly ajar, and yuuji chuckles. you’re so quiet, he’s beginning to think he’s scared you, but soon, you smile, sweet, and gentle, and he can’t even blame megumi for fawning over you since middle school. “i—i didn’t hate you yuuji,” you reply, “i thought—think—you’re good for megumi. i just wanted him to be happy, and you make him happy.”
yuuji hums. no wonder you two never got together before. “so you’re the self-sacrificing type, too, huh?” he smiles, far less innocently than you might think, “maybe i should have gotten you and yuuta-senpai together, instead.”
you look like you’re about to refute, but megumi pulls back again, throughly annoyed when he interjects, “what the hell are you—”
but yuuji is quick to move his hand from his ear to his throat, pinching his fingers around his neck with just enough pressure to stutter and silence him.
“i’m still not talking to you,” he reminds megumi, eyes sharp. he squeezes around megumi’s neck a bit tighter, before turning his attention back to you, “was he always like this? always biting before you can bark? must have been kind of annoying to deal with, huh?”
your eyes widen, bambi-like and yuuji almost coos. from where you’re sitting against the headboard, you can’t see megumi’s face completely, just a sliver of his cheek, but you can probably tell by the reddening skin around his neck and ears that yuuji’s not just choking him for show.
“i—uh… it’s not like that, it’s just… yuuji you’re gonna hurt him…”
but, you should also be able to tell that megumi’s not fighting it either.
“you’re always so worried about him,” yuuji pushes megumi back against the pillows, paying no mind to his panting, simply ordering, “stay down.”
yuuji then reaches out for you instead, gently pulling your body towards in him stark contrast to how he’d treated megumi a moment ago—twirling you as best he can while you’re kneeling on the mattress, maneuvering your body so that you’re straddling megumi and yuuji’s back is pressed against yours.
yuuji hears you gasp, ever so lightly, when you inadvertently press your crotch against megumi’s. he almost wants to watch you two do that instead, but right now he’s a man on a mission, so instead, he puts his hands on his hips to keep you still, “see—he can take it. he even likes it.”
you raise a hand to reach out to megumi, but yuuji stops you, forcing your back flush against his front, and caging you in with his arms and resting his chin against your shoulder. he turns his head to kiss you on the cheek, slow, once, and then again, and then against your earlobe, “you wanna try?”
“try—what, choking him?” you ask, trying to turn your head to face yuuji, but he keeps it steady, keeps you facing megumi.
“it’s not like you’re gonna hurt him,” yuuji hums against your skin, trails open-mouthed kisses along your neck. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”
“well, uh... megumi, do you—”
but yuuji raises a hand to squish your cheeks together before you can finish, turns your head to him and tuts, “i’m telling you it’s okay. megumi didn’t ask you before he asked me out, right? you don’t need his permission for everything, princess.”
yuuji’s not just leveraging your feelings against each other now—now it’s sexual knowledge too, all the fantasies megumi has indulged him in about you, all the kinks he has that you’re clueless to. yuuji knows that despite the history you and megumi have, he’s the bridge between you now—and right now, yuuji wants you on his side.
“must bother you a little bit, right?” yuuji coos, releasing his grasp on your cheeks and using his hand to tilt your chin upwards to face him, “that he asked me out when he still had a crush on you. it still bothers me sometimes—and yet he had the nerve to get upset when i asked you about it. kinda selfish, no?”
“i’m just saying, i think you should teach him a lesson,” yuuji continues, using his other hand to help your body rock against megumi’s, drinking in the sight of your pliant lips and the sound of his strained sighs.
megumi’s probably not far from cumming in his boxers at this point, and you’re not far from helping yuuji make him do worse.
“come on, princess,” yuuji smiles, pressing a kiss to your cheek before looking at megumi, “you gonna help me put a leash on him?”
it’s an invitation and a threat, this you seem to understand. you can say yes to yuuji, say yes to having megumi between you two tonight, say yes and have a little bit of power; or you can say no, and be on the receiving end of punishment.
yuuji almost thinks you’ll choose the latter out of loyalty, out of devotion to your best friend, out of shyness and inexperience in taking what you want, but you’re not just megumi’s anymore—your his girl now, too, and you make it known when your soft hand crawls up megumi chest and to his neck, and hesitantly wraps around his throat.
tonight, megumi’s yours and yuuji’s.
“good girl,” yuuji grins, wicked with intent when he presses a kiss to the back of your neck, “now lets have some fun with him.”
#.........immense intense brain rot i didn't even put into words right how yuuji has so much inadvertent power and [blacks out]#GODDDDDDD#tumblr user yuwuta ever stop using dog analogies when writing about megumi level impossible#HNNNNNNN i need to BITE him#yuuji is so effortless seductive it's crazy it's crazy it's CRAZYYYY#the twist of using your and megumi's feelings for each other to get you three together#to then using it to tear you two apart for his own devices............. yuuji itadori when i catch you.............#this reminds me i have more itfs asks to answer i just need to relax and be coherent....#itafushi#itafushi x reader#yuuji x reader#megumi x reader#yuuji smut#megumi smut#itafushi smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen smut
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I'm doing it. I'm taking a Break.
#so i was making some designs right. and i just burst into tears#and i called ola and she said she would break my fingers unless i turned the puter off#naturally#im not allowed to think about ouro for god knows. two weeks maybe. three.#ONLY zero days no fucking 'im so tired today i will only write or i will only paint or i will only format#i want to stop neglecting my friends#and my needs!!! ouro will get done when its done and it will not cost me my health#god my therapist is gonna be so proud of me im gonna get a good grade in therapy#and now im gonna go to the gym and lift heavy stuff and then i will swim and then i will do NOTHING#....or play the deeproads dlc for dai. thats what i want to do
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Reading loz/lu fics and it's just so interesting how wide the spectrum is of their personalities.
Sometimes it's got an in universe reason (different past (usually gender or species change), recent or ongoing traumatic events, a spectacularly bad first meeting), but sometimes (often) the characters are just... Weirdly angsty or peppy, there's no in between!
And I'm beginning to think less people have played more than one game than I thought XD.
Not that it's anyone's fault! One game is more than enough to be part of it all, and loz is exclusive to Nintendo consoles - and all the older stuff is frustratingly hard to get hold of. Heck, I'm still looking for wind waker, and that was really popular! And then you have to play it! They're not small games!!
But could people writing wild please ease off just a tiiiiiny bit so he can be a semi functional member of society pretty please XD? He's just as much a polite boy as any other member of the chain! He won't even run in shops! He can't attack npcs! He talks to every single person he's ever seen and remembers every single name. Yes, he's three quarters woodland creature with a hefty amount of trauma but he's also a fashionista who managed to avoid accidentally taking sides in a mayoral election and that's not easy!
#I have some actual gripes but that's just me being pedantic about something I know a lot about#loz#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#loz link#loz botw#loz totk#the legend of zelda#totk link#lu wild#Okay but please stop making his teleportation a point of interest to the chain they ALL can warp it's not even slightly special#And the slate/pad doesn't hold any items I'm begging you that's just fanon it's never been canon or been implied to be#Travelling across hyrule (on horseback) is about a week and a half following the paths at a walk. Rito to lurelin. It's not weeks on foot t#Hyrule Castle!!#This isn't a problem but like. Let link be petty brats to civilians occasionally. It's enrichment. They all have beef with some rando.#They're all extremely polite and let people get away with more than they maybe should but like. Adults starting smth with a 16yo.#Also wild has serious beef with ganon why does everyone write him so chill. Like botw sure but totk?? Absolutely not.#'wah my home is in ruins it's all my fault' it's been like that for yonks no one's even mad and hello?? Miles on miles on untouched#Landscapes?? Millenia of ruins indistinguishable from the recent stuff?? Link literally died he could not have done any more#How anyone can play botw/totk and not be BLISTERINGLY proud of hyrule I don't know#Okay but why does everyone (particularly legend omg) always bitterly blame hylia like loz has a dozen odd deities and hylia is the ONE who#Got cursed right alongside link. It's just... Idk but it seems like such a culturally Christian thing. All the focus on one who then gets#Blamed for everything in life going wrong. Not even Christian but specifically American Catholic. I don't know.#Hylia is the one deity we can pretty safely assume is neither omnipotent or omniscient lmao#In every time she has a voice (botk/ss) she pretty clearly mucks up or gets tricked and has regrets#In ss when she was zelda she hated every second of leading link around and even then it all hinged on link being completely willing!!#And then she got kidnapped anyway!#In totk (spoilers) she loses contact with one of her statues and asks link to check it out. Another statue gets POSESSED by ol triangle hea#And again link has to figure out the problem. Like even in her divine form she is so far from all knowing and all doing.#It's a lot of conflating with the concept of fate maybe?
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I FORGOT I EVEN SENT THAT ASK AND YOUR RESPONSE HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK OHMSYGODDFJDJ
I seriously love your writing so much you always put a heap of emotion into it 😭😭
also adore the idea of TIM being the one who's obsessed with bear and going to such lengths just to keep seeing him, I tend to prefer happy endings so I like to think they work it out after a while but like also the angst is amazing
god the amount of yearning in this au makes me so mmmpfhhhf
god im just so sorry that it took me soo long to reply!!! you sent just as i was taking my break from tumblr and other social media :(((
i remember reading it and thinking to myself "god if i had the timbern brainworms, i could write smth for this" but then recently they've been coming back and i was a church bored out of my mind when i was like "hmmm maybe i should respond?"
and ohhh my god, when i first got it, i immediately thought about how toxic it could get and like, personally, i feel like i can't write complicated characters? if that makes sense? to me, im not very good at writing multi-dimensional characters. which to be fair, i never set out to become like a pulitzer prize winning author. i just do this for fun haha.
and like i knew that my answer to your ask was always gonna be toxic timbern but i didn't know if i could write it? ig??? bc like tim is a good person. he is!!! he just wants bear so badly. and it's past the initial physical attraction now.
he and bear are all grown up. he likes bear's wit and humor, well the wit and humor he gets to hear when bear doesn't know he's around. but bear wont let him in!!!! bear wont open himself up and tim's apologized!!!! he did!!! he doesn't even know what he did and he still apologized!!!!! and it changed nothing. bear doesn't talk to him or look at him or anything. nothing but polite professionalism.
and then one day, he sees bear on his balcony as he's swinging through the streets of gotham. and bear isn't doing anything special, he's just sitting there in sweats and no shirt and the moonlight hits his pecs just right and his shoulders are so broad and-
well he cant be blamed for stopping to take a peek, right? and maybe when he has has time he swings by more and more. just watching for longer and longer, until one day bear catches him. and as they stare at each other from opposite sides of the street, tim thinks this is it. the cold glances and frosty words are going to come back. bear's never gonna just sit on his balcony again. he's lost this too. but then-
oh.
bear sends him a hesitant wave and tim raises a trembling hand to wave back. and bear- well bear's mouth splits into a smile brilliant enough to rival the sun. beautiful like the sunrise. the promise of a new beginning. if he closes his eyes, tim thinks he can feel the sunlight's warm rays on him.
hes' hooked after that. he comes around again and again. one day bear lets him on the balcony. weeks later, bear's hugging him. weeks after that, tim's in bear's lap. and he knows it's not right. that bear thinks he's someone else. that bear doesnt want anything to do with him but how is he supposed to let this go? how is he supposed disentangle himself from bear's arms?
so he lies and he lies and he prays to any and every god he can think of, that he'll get to keep this. plus he's not really lying to bear, he's just... not talking about it! if bear asks, he'll tell him point blank. he swears it. but that's a problem for another day. things are looking up! bear said more than 5 sentences to him the other day and yesterday? he even got a small smile. it'll all work out. he'll be fine.
#i have to stop answering asks. it always turns into word vomit#and like tim knows bear is never going to ask. bear would never ask robin to compromise his identity like that#so it is lying by omission. kind of. he's taking advantage of bear. love under false pretenses? i feel like this is textbook smth#i just dont know what#and i keep thinking of after it all falls apart and tim stupidly goes to visit bear on his balcony#and bear is sitting there crying. tears streaming down his face as he sniffles. and it's ugly and there's snot and bear's biting his lip#to try and stifle any noise he might make and tim's frozen on the fire escape of the opposite building and bear looks up#and even now he's still the prettiest thing tim's ever seen. a tear rolls down his face the moonlight glints off it#bear's gorgeous and tim did that. tim made him cry like that. tim's the one who broke his heart. who took his trust and twisted it beyond#recognition. and they stare at each other for a few moments before bear's face shutters close. hastily wiping his tears away#bear steps back inside and locks the door. there's nothing left for him out there anyway.#also me saying that stuff about my writing isn't me needing reassurance or anything. it's just my opnion of my writing abilities#as of right now. so like dont think you have to reassure me or anything.#how did this get so long???? this was just supposed to be me talking about my thought process to the previous ask#and then it turned into this#as always nothing in the veil!au is set in stone. not even this. please do whatever you want with the au!!!!#timbern#timber#tim drake#bernard dowd#veil!au#asks#introspective.txt
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I will have to read a romantasy book written by a straight man or a lesbian someday just to see if a certain tone is different because a lot of the romantasy books written by women that are attracted to men are just…sometimes…interesting in a bad way
“She was the strongest, most compassionate, most intelligent, kindest, most generous woman that ever existed. All the wise older characters like to pull her aside to tell her this. Unlike all the dumb evil cows that just wanted MMC for his hot body and deep pockets, FMC wanted MMC for his mind and his beautiful soul” just gives off a weird vibe
#is it internalized misogyny is what i’m wondering#if you throw in some compliments like the evil cows are pretty than it isn’t so misogynistic and bitter right?? lol#it’s fiction maybe i shouldn’t care but a lot of it feels so dishonest and strange#you can’t be pushing 40 and writing about how mmc never loved a woman because they were all bitches you need to touch grass#if you can’t make mmc fall in love with fmc without tearing down the other women in the story what are you doing#women can absolutely be flawed but most of the time these flaws in romantasy stories seem to be currated in bad faith#i picked up acotar today and I could not get past the descriptions of the fmc’s sisters like are you joking me…#i promise fmc can be believably loved by mmc even if the female side characters are not evil cows#sometimes it feels like the romance is so underdeveloped and ‘haha I won I’m the best woman’ narrative takes the wheel and for what#author could write about the fmc and mmc simply being together but fmc showing how she is the MOST badass woman is more important 😏😝😝😝#the not so covert ‘she is not like the other girls’ is so bad and boring and it needs to DIE#there is some intrasexual competition going on and am i supposed to act like that is not what is happening or what#even when that is clearly what is going on??#stooop stop fighting girls just stooooop#i have to tag fourth wing sorry it’s true it’s true#fourth wing
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I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???
well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!
It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.
I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.
That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#now goofy commentary for those who read my tags#i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum#but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this#no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s)#you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube#couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript#to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible#and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS#but thats personal preference all in all#and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot#for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are#its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for#yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game#gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can#anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional#either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past#in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene#there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED#THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see#so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know#now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while#content feeding schedule crazy rn
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Y'all, I literally just can not. Why is this man so damn PRETTY?! I love him so much, this can't be real. Holy Hylia who let him be made? I've been replaying TotK on a new save and I... Fuck, he's just so pretty and cute and handsome all at the same time. I want to give him a hug and run my hands through his hair. UGH! I want, no, I NEED him to look at me the way he looks at food!
LOOK AT HIM! He is so cute and happy and it's all over FOOD! He's so precious and I love him so much. Like, I need him in a way that goes against feminism and I'm not even a girl! It's not even sexual desire (okay, it partially is, but that's not all it is). My demi ass wants him to love me. Not lust, love. I want him to want to hug and comfort me as much as I want to do those things to him. And I know he's NOT REAL, I know that. But I want him to be. Fuck, I'd give just about anything to have the opportunity to hold Link.
I want so desperately to hug him, run my fingers through his hair, rub his back soothingly, and tell him that it's all okay. That he's a good hero and none of the pain his era has been through is his fault. I want to let him cry into my shoulder as I tell him that he didn't fail Hyrule, didn't fail the Champions, didn't fail Zelda. I want to press soft kisses into his forehead or on the top of his head as I gently wipe away his tears and tell him I'm proud of him, that he should be proud of himself. Tell him that I love him. Hear him whisper back in a shaky voice that he loves me too. For him to fall asleep in my arms, use me as a pillow after being exhausted by his emotional burst. For him to smile in his sleep as he slips into a happy dream, making him snuggle closer to me. I want to fall asleep in each other's arms, unwilling to separate even in sleep.
I want to wake up to him whispering my name, rubbing my arm and shoulder to stir me from rest. Want to huff irritable and burry my head under a pillow and pretend to still be asleep, just to hear his beautiful laugh as he pulls the pillow away. To feel his soft lips kiss my skin as he pulls me into his arms, coaxing me awake with promises of a delicious breakfast he's made for us.
He's so soft looking. I want to run my hands all over his body. Find every scar he has and kiss them all. I don't even care about hair or anything to do with that! But I want to sit with him at my feet as I clean, brush, and play with his hair, just listening to him talk about fond memories from his journeys. I want to hear about all the cool bugs he's found, all the amazing sights he's seen, and all the people he's met. I want him to pretend to pout and be upset when I find a particularly bad tangle, just for me to kiss the top of his head or his cheek in apology, turning him into a blushing mess. He can't keep up the angry act and melts against my legs, refusing to lift his head to let me finish brushing until I coax him up with promises of cuddles and kisses.
I want to visit a hot spring with him. Soak in the hot, healing water with our bodies pressed together. For there be nothing between us. To be as undressed as we'd dare be in a public spring and cuddling shamelessly. I'm in his arms as he holds me to keep my anxiety at bay. His soft whispers promise that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. That he loves me for me, transness and all. That so long as he's there, nobody will dare hurt or judge me. For me to be half asleep, head on his shoulder, and to whisper back that I promise to protect him too. That even if I can't fight and protect him physically like he can me, I can protect him emotionally and mentally.
I'm scared of heights, but I want to sit with him on a Sky Island he swears has the best view in Hyrule and watch the sunrise. To sit on the beach with a picnic and watch the sunset. To lay down together and stare up at the night sky. For him to point at different stars and constellations, tell me all he's learned about them. To sit together bare footed at the water's edge, letting the waves tickle our feet as we talk about the sort of deep topics that only feel appropriate to discuss at night. Life, love, the universe. The meaning of it all. For me to make a bad joke to calm my anxiety brought on by the existentialism, just for him to laugh. To ask why I keep bringing such topics if they always end up upsetting me. I get defensive and pout about it. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses my cheek. Tells me he loves me. I tell him the same and we share a kiss. I make a dumb joke about Hylia watching and he playfully smacks my shoulder. Not hard enough to hurt, because he'd never hurt me. He tells me that I'm the only "divine being" he needs, which makes me laugh and roll my eyes. I make a self deprecating joke, to which he scolds me gently. His beautiful blue eyes gleam in the starlight, making it impossible for me to argue. So I just apologize thoughtlessly as I gaze into them. He doesn't mind. I lean in to kiss him again. He does too. We kiss passionately, and all is perfect.
FUCK, now I want to write actual pieces about this. Maybe do a series of short stories with scenes like these. Upload them here from time to time. That'd be nice. Might help with the feelings. No promises, but I've already given myself several starting points. Maybe I'll even do shit in Gacha once I get into posing properly. That'd be nice. Think I'mma stop yearning here and put that energy into something else. Good on me. Or, well, I'll do that tomorrow. I should probably go to bed. Goodnight Tumblr.
#totk#tears of the kingdom#pretty boy#in game screenshots#link is so pretty#i can't handle it#fictional crush#he has no right to be so perfect#why can't i be normal#gotta stop falling for fictional characters#bisexual#queer#ranting to the void#tumblr is my favorite void#demiromantic#please I want to cuddle him so bad#gotta stop tagging while writing#3 am ramblings#3 am longings#acespec#arospec#transmasc#transgender#lots of romance talk#fantasizing#fictional mlm yearning#self ship#i guess it's that#unintended writing#might make a series
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It's 4am, which means it's a perfect time to listen to Ma Belle Evangeline and cry.
youtube
#the princess and the frog#princess and the frog#randy newman#like. come on.#just tears#ok i'm exaggerating a little but also legit just now i did that gasping breath you do right before crying#randy did you have to do this to me? write this beautiful song that just tugs at the heart and is less than 2 minutes?#DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME CRY OVER A FIREFLY AND A STAR#god ok my eyes are actually getting teary i need to stop. i'm going to bed.#i made the mistake of remembering prince naveen saying tiana's his evangeline ahhhhh no no no stop it tears no. you're not allowed.#god it's just such a beautiful song though. i'm legitimately going to cry i need to not. good night. or good morning.#Youtube
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I really enjoy the way you've portrayed Adam and Lute's relationship in Three Years Time and Northern Star, as well as the interactions between Charlie/Vaggie and Lute! How would you write an interaction between Adam and Lucifer in that storyline?
Thank you! And maaaaybe? I'm not sure if I'm going to continue writing in that universe. In theory, I'd like to, and LOVE to do a scene with Adam and Lucifer, but in practice, I'm having some really horrible anxieties about my writing and if people hate it/me when I talk about my writing rn, so I may be taking a step back for a bit in general. Not sure.
#Answered#I am having. A very bad time right now#A pair of friends who I really cared about ghosted me a few months ago#After tearing apart my writing from head to toe#And one of them sent an email revealing that at least for them#It was because they secretly resented me the entire time#And they hated it when I talked about my writing and or life and interests#They felt like I was seeking “adulation”#And the correct way to interact with them was listen to them talk about their stuff#But not talk about mine at all#And I DID do that for a while#But then I slipped back into more comfortable conversational habits after a while because I was uncomfortable#So I slipped back into talking about my stuff#I TRIED not to talk about my writing at all#But it's such a big part of my life#And I did talk about my life#So they just randomly left one day#And I got the email about how I'm a praise-seeker who uses people as tools to boost myself up#And expects adulation for doing what was implied to be the bare minimum#And it REALLY fucked me up#Interacting with over creatives is a big part of the process for me#But I've been having trouble sharing my stuff with other people without having anxiety attacks since this happened#And lately have slipped into apologizing when I share my stuff#And beating myself up when I talk about my interests more than theirs#Which I HATE myself for#And lately it's just swallowed me whole#And I can't shake the feeling that all my friends hate me and I'm a toxic praise seeker who can't stop talking about her own shit#When I should be talking about other people's stuff only or completely. And it has me feeling like I should write in total silence.#Which makes me wonder if I should keep writing at all. Sorry about the in-tags vent I'm just having a REALLY bad time right now#I'm SO fucking sorry anon
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Ok but no fuckin lies Link carrying Zelda out of the water at the end of ToTK is singlehandedly The Zelink Vibes Ever
#god#i didnt start crying until that moment right then and then i couldnt stop#it got even worse when she said link im home#fuccccck man im so normal about these two idiots#totally not gonna write an angsty fic with zelink at the heart of it hhhh#shut up shut uppppp#loz spoilers#totk#tears of the kingdom#totk spoilers
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the call of the void. / part one. content warning(s): mentions death, blood, self-loathing & hatred
ENTRY 00234 DATE: 20.04.20XX TIME: 3:21AM
do you know how it feels the first time that life slips from your hands?
not your own, but that of another person. as an entity that has been born within complete darkness — a place that fostered violence & rewarded cruelty in its most horrible of ways. there was no sun. no warmth. not one person that would hold you when you're down. no, instead — the moment that you came into existence, you were supposed to fight. fight for survival. fight for life. fight to become something else than just a simple grain of sand within this garden of darkness.
as one born from the void, i think it was always considered my own birthright that i'd step foot into such a situation. after all, you couldn't escape it. bloodshed was everywhere. but it felt different . . . whilst i remained within the shadows, my own darkness blended in so seamlessly with that of the others. it was almost as if it didn't exist. it was almost as if i could hide that monstrosity that was forever a part of me. against the others, i seemed almost harmless with my ways.
but it became different when i was forced into this mortal shell. in fact, everything was different. the way i felt things. the way i perceived things. the warmth. the blinding light of the sun. the people that walked alongside me.
but also that hunger.
that thirst.
i hated it.
i still hate it.
i can never unlearn to hate it. at first, i didn't even know what it was that had my body so tense. on alert, as if something terribly wrong was happening to me. but then . . . i understood. of course, i didn't want to but — i had to. for survival. for life.
and suddenly, that warmth faded from me.
i was back in the darkness, even if this was a whole different place surrounding me. i understood that i carried the void within me wherever i would go; within that abyssal hole in my chest where once my heart laid; within those ruby eyes that gaze others like a frightened animal; within the thirst that rasps against my throat & tongue like sandpaper. that darkness was carved into my soul & i would forever remain trapped within in, no matter where i went.
in fact, it was perhaps only that blinding light of earth that showed how truly monstrous this body is. this soul is.
how i am . . . ?
is this what i am supposed to be? is this all i can ever be? coldness raked itself through my skin & i felt myself submitting to that cruel feeling of nausea as i accepted my fate. the shame that lingered in the back of my throat, dripping down my tongue & onto my skin — red like the blood moon that shined on me . . .
it was all me, in the end.
that is how it feels to take a life.
how it was for me, at least. those exact thoughts were the ones that infected my brain as i held onto their cold body, begging the fates, the gods & whoever was able to hear my begging to undo my crimes. i never had a choice to whom i exactly prayed for most wouldn't hear my wails. perhaps, i was never meant for divine intervention. for a single blessing. but at least — spare this person that fell at my hand for the sake of keeping this monster alive.
i've heard it before, of course, that in some sense it was neccessary. neccessary evil. neccessary cruelty. for if the hunger remained, i would be the one to fade away from this world.
but then again, how am i neccessary to this world?
how can my own actions be neccessary when this existence in itself is but a curse? a play by the fates? a joke? one that was so sick & twisted that one understood.
so, if i was to pass . . . would it be so horrible? it would silence this monster. this body. this soul. this whole life that has been fostered by darkness would forever close & perhaps, people could finally rejoice.
for there was one less monster on this earth.
#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄 ❮ dark inky words on fated tales. ❯#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐓 ❮ honor in vengeance. ❯#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐆𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐇 ❮ tears upon the blood moon's path of destruction. ❯#( SO HAHAH )#( i lowkey... )#( i just UM i couldn't stop writing man )#( do u know that feeling when u completely tap into a muses' emotions & feel it so much ?? )#( literally a mad poet moment right here )#( i dont know but the spirit of mali came over me & i just couldn't stop writing )#( its written as a monologue bc )#( its supposed to be a diary entry )#( + i also lowkey tapped into my theater kid energy KJHASJA )#tw death#tw blood#tw long post
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I know it's probably just a part of restarting the lamotrigine, but. holy fuck does it have me short on spoons and patience and. Everything mentally today lmao
#text post#worst case scenario I find out this med no longer helps me and i stop it#but it's been less than a week so I know this is just. Part Of It All lmao#that said every decision I've had to make today has immediately paralysed me and/or immediately made me angry/upset so. That's something#that usually only happens when I'm already overwhelmed and/or overstimulated but it's EVERYTHING today as if im stuck in a state of that#like. I had to choose if i wanted to work upstairs or downstairs today (surveys and writing) and i had tears in my eyes trying to choose#im upstairs rn and considering going down but. yeah. Having An Moment#and I hope this effect doesn't last more than a few weeks to a month at longest lmao#on that note apologies if u reach out and i don't reply right away i absolutely will be reaching back out!!#I just need a bit today to try and chill my brain out before I'm talking to anyone for an extended period of time#hoping if i wrangle the spoons for that now I can use them all and feel better by this evening which has worked in the past so!!!
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I have remembered why I don't like fanfic
#WHY IS THERE SO MUCH PHYSICAL CONTACT#i don't mean smut. i mean hugs and cuddling and poking and head patting and holding each other through tears#and bed sharing and sitting on laps and hand holding and on and on and on#STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER#no one touches each other that much in real life#no one wants to be touched that much in real life. RIGHT??????#or am I just way off base with that#do people actually like fluff fic levels of human contact?????#that has to be a joke. you can't like it that much. can you?#I kept wanting to write a whole rant about this (including some other fic dynamic complaints I have)#but I felt rude cause maybe people do like that#I mean it wouldn't make up sooooo much of fic if people didn't like it#but also I feel like it has to be a lie#I would actually peel my skin off if anyone touched me as much as they touch each other in fanfic
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...Okay so this Light Dragon is Zelda, right? Or connected to her somehow. Has to be. I just got a pic of it for the compendium, and saw the entry gushes about how actually this dragon is the prettiest dragon ever, and I obviously must adore it more than anything in the world. The writers do not give a single hint of a fuck about anyone who isn't Zelda, I fucking KNOW how they work. She's been acting shady as fuck, but literally none of the other characters have even acknowledged that she's been the main antagonist so far, I can see the writing on the walls!
To be clear, I have mostly ignored the plot; all I know is that Zelda was yeeted back in time at the start, I have. No fucking clue what happened to her back there, or what she's been doing since she STOLE THE MASTER SWORD, THAT UTTER BITCH.
Anyways, I'm calling it now, light dragon is 100% zelda. Look, all of Link's supposed friends have been ignoring him getting his goddamn arm ripped off so that they can fuss over Zelda having ditched them, I CAN READ THE PATTERNS HERE. I WANT TO LIKE THIS INCARNATION OF ZELDA, I REALLY DO, BUT THE WRITING KEEPS SHOVING HER DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT, SO I KIND OF HATE IT WHEN SHE SHOWS UP BECAUSE THE STORY GRINDS TO A HALT SO EVERYONE CAN SUCK ZELDA'S DICK.
And I hate that, because there's so much potential there! Like that stuff about Zelda being a complete bitch to Link? I LOVE IT. She had a character arc there, and it was messy and complicated! And the whole thing with her powers??? I love it, there's so much there, she's obviously not going to get her powers by standing in ponds all day, but she kept doing it anyways! There was such a character arc there of her being 100% certain she knew how the world worked, and everything she was doing turned out to be self destructive and stopping herself from achieving her goals. That's really fucking interesting! But nope, no character development for Zelda, she was actually perfect the whole time, and even when she wasn't it was really someone else's fault. They wasted such a good character arc; I really love the storyline that she could have had. And that makes her more annoying to me, because she could be so goddamn interesting if the writing was better, but instead she's this generic bitch that I couldn't care less about.
#tears of the kingdom#i'm not tagging for spoilers this is just a theory#DONT TELL ME IF I'M RIGHT/WRONG I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW SHIT YET#i'm taking a break from the fire temple rn and actually ripping my hair out#both from frustrating puzzle and frustrating writing#yunobo sweetheart zelda brainwashed you STOP BEING WORRIED ABOUT THIS BITCH#i dont want to get through this temple to rescue zelda okay#she hurt yunobo. i'm gonna kick her fucking teeth in
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