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re: 600 strike
â i canât be the only epic fan bothered by six hundred strike right? but hold on, before i get crucified let me start this off by saying that vengeance saga was almost perfect. i really did love most of the songs and as someone whoâs been anxiously waiting for them, âdangerousâ and âget in the waterâ did not disappoint. my sole problem is with 600 strike alone and how the writing seems to take a sharp dip in quality.
donât get me wrong, i think itâs a good song. i think ody was really cool in it and that it had some pretty cold lines, but how is it that ody needed moly to be on the same power level as circe but just⊠he can just stab poseidon with his own trident? poseidon? lord of the tides, earthshaker, father of horses, one of the âbig threeâ? this goes beyond me being a nerd and just really liking homer and wanting it to stick with that happens in the original text, i understand that this is a retelling but ⊠seriously? no matter how cool it is, poseidon is still one of the most powerful god in the pantheon and odysseus is still just a man(tm). are we to believe that poeseidon is below circe in power level? are we to believe that ody is above poseidon? jorge was right when he said this saga would be more anime, but i didnât expect it to be âanimeâ in the worst way possible, and this is coming from an anime fan. this whole song just feels like a power trip for ody and i feel like it just damages the writing in a way i canât ignore. especially the way ody is going âhow does it feel to be helpless?!â while poseidon just screams in agony. it really really just feels like a power trip because realistically, this would not happen. i probably sound silly complaining but whatever, i have a right to speak on what bothers me.
i get that jayâs probably tired, i meanâ slaving away on a musical for four years would tire out anyone, but i guess part of the reason it bothers me is that a sizable amount of epicâs fanbase isnât that educated on greek myths and it just kind of hurts to see. i still have faith in the musical but this song, no matter how good it is, just kind of feels like a blight on an otherwise perfect saga with great writing. like i said, i like all the other songs. the friend iâm discussing this with says that to her epic isn't really meant to be a "serious" or "grounded" musical. jay literally makes it a point to memeify the entire thing (wheezer saga, literally almost ever vid he has posted). yeah 600 strike was stupid and silly, and so is jay. plus epic is an adaptation, not a recreation in musical form, it's his own story and he can do whatever he wants with it. and i respect that and like epic for what it is, silliness included. plus, it's a concept album. this is essentially a draft for a real musical album, it's not final, he's testing stuff out so i know i might be a little harsh. but since this is a draft, i just worry for the direction heâs taking it in. thereâs many ways i which the final confrontation and escape with poseidon couldâve been handled and i canât help but feel like this direction is bit out of character for either of them, especially since i feel like ody stabbing poseidon with his own trident was unnecessary. to me, odysseusâ victory over poseidon shouldnât come in the form of literally defeating him, but in making it home to be with penelope despite everything the sea god does to stop him. it would be odysseusâs victory over everything and everyoneâs thatâs tried to stop him, really.
i take issue with how odysseus managed to stab poseidon with his own trident as well. are we to believe that poseidon, earthshaker, father of horses, he who rules the seas and controls the tides, one of the most powerful gods in the pantheon, canât keep that firm of a grip on his incredibly powerful weapon? i assume ruling the seas, a very expansive and fickle domain, takes a great deal of focus and concentration. can he not extend the same focus when holding his trident? more importantly, why did he seem to be powerless without it? was he not the son of kronos and rhea before being given his trident? he has power beyond it, you know. the same friend iâm discussing it with poses a theory that i will quote verbatim, that being that âPoseidon dropped the trident on purpose, maybe it was some sort of sick pride seeing that he turned this once great guy into a monster. Like obv the events of 600 strike could never happen, bc Gods ARE stronger than mortals, so he probably didn't see him as a threat at all. Cause if odysseus didnât stop, itâs not like theyâd be going at it forever. Heâs mortal and eventually will pass out from exhaustion. Then poseidon is completely free to do whatever he wants. So in that context, itâs a win win situation for him. Either his opponent leaves scarred for life or becomes completely at the godâs mercy.â
yet still, i canât help but feel like that would be out of character for poseidon. heâs not the kind of god to be arrogant in that manner. thatâs an ares thing. an apollo thing, etc. but not poseidon. the seas are either calm or unforgiving. the seas donât clear one safe path in the middle of a storm to taunt the ship before swallowing it whole. the seas either wreck it or do nothing at all. the ship can try and navigate its way through the storm but by because the sea lets it. it does that by sheer force of will of the captain. the captain wonât insist on fighting it because thatâd be stupid and the main priority is getting to safety. home. the nearest port. especially not a captain like odysseus who weâve seen sacrifice many and suffered through so much just to get home. heâs not the kind of man to waste time by doing something he doesnât need to be doing. it feels like when an author you likes makes a questionable story decision that harms the story, but they keep their excellent writing style. itâs upsetting.
that being said, i still really like this musical and canât wait to see where this goes. like i said, i still have faith in jorge and his writing. this is just something i felt the need to get off my chest. itâs a shame that my first epic post would be a complaint⊠itâs silly, but donât worry. iâm aware that iâm coming off like iâm stomping my foot, yelling âthis isnât how itâs supposed to be!!â because this is driven by many âi feelâs and âi thinkâs.
#odysseus#greek mythology#poseidon#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#600 strike#criticism#the ramblings of a madman
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We are trying to write things to demonstrate an ink sample but we have been unfortunately struck by the fact that the pen we had empty (and thus the pen we filled with it) was the one that is bad to write with and it's very hard to write in a fancy way when the pen you are working with randomly decides it won't write.
#we speak#writing three lines (not lines of text just lines) and it stops writing and we have to wait three to five seconds before it starts again#while we do this we think of the metropolitan with yearning in our heart (it's drying after we cleaned it out to use different ink in it)#this is a fountain pen blog now btw. you're going to hear about this probably until we replace the magnum with something better
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SAFE PLACE
hello everyone! i am back :) i have recently fell down the kate martin hole ( if you couldnt tell already) and decided to write. i have been working super hard in clinics and classes since you last heard from me, so i hope this isn't too rusty! love you guys!
warning: fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), making out, nipple play
i think that's it? let me know!
my divider is from here!
as i sat in my car with tears rolling down my face, i didnât know who to call. the rain was pouring, a perfect parallel to the emotions flowing through my body. my vision blurred and my tears welled just thinking about it.
i had just been on a date. needless to say, it did not go well. i had been continuously let down by every man i deemed well enough for my attention. i guess i was just bad at picking âem out.Â
it always ended the same way.
âwanna come to my place?â
âdtf?âÂ
âohhh cmon. donât be a prude.â
i couldnât even gather my thoughts about the night as i scrolled through my contacts list. i was searching for somebody - anybody- that could provide me with any sort of comfort. however, i knew there was only one person who could make me feel better.Â
kate martin.Â
as much as i hated to say it, the girl had a comforting aura around her. something about her just drew me in every single time. imagine a bee to a flower or a moth to a flame - that was kate and me.Â
our past was patchy, the ups and downs of our so-called âfriendshipâ had blurred the lines for boundaries too easily. whether weâd end up making out, staying over, or doing much worse, each time would end with one of us being heartbroken.Â
but i didnât care right now.Â
i needed her scent and her eyes. i needed her hands and i needed her mouth.Â
i needed kate.Â
my fingertips scrolled relentlessly to the bottom of my text messages, finding the abandoned chat from a month or two ago.Â
tears splattered on my phone as i pressed the call button and brought it to my ear.Â
it rang once.Â
it rang twice.Â
it rang three times.
âhello?â kate answers.Â
âhey. kate im so sorry for calling you but i-,â i stopped as tears continued to flow down my face.Â
âyou know my address. just come on over. itâs just me here.â
god kate, i could kiss you.Â
âthank you,â i whispered.Â
i hung up the phone and placed my forehead on the steering wheel. thoughts of another night with kate kept creeping into my mind. the good ones and the bad ones.Â
nonetheless, i put my car and drive and headed her way.Â
every time i thought the tears were done, another pool of them welled in my eyes. every time i thought about my past few dates, my heart felt a pang of sadness.Â
i tried to push the tears and thoughts away as i reach kateâs apartment door, but my pathetically light knocking reminded me of how sad i really was.Â
i stood in front of her door for a few seconds, trying to keep it together until i was in the comfort of her home.Â
i heard the lock clicking and the door opened. kate stood there, worry filling her eyes and her face full of pity.Â
i looked up at her, letting the tears fall down my cheeks as she pulled me into her apartment and engulfed me in a hug. her arms squeezed around my waist as mine wrapped around the back of her neck. i cried into her, tears staining her iowa t shirt.Â
âim so sorry for calling you,â i sobbed, backing out of her embrace. i wiped my eyes with my hands, trying any attempt to get rid of the nonstop tears.Â
âi know we said weâd never do this again. iâm so sorry i just didnât know who else to call-â i was cut short as kate held my face and gently kissed me.Â
i placed my hands on her waist, my body savoring everything about her. the kiss was soft and sweet, full of love. there was no hunger or sinister desire about it - just pure comfort and affection.Â
my eyes fluttered open as she moved back, her thumb wiping a falling tear off my cheek.Â
she gently smiled and looked at me with her bright blue eyes.Â
âyou and i both know that we need each other more than we let on,â she said, sighing.Â
i leaned into her hand, my heart finally feeling at ease. she stroked my face with her thumb before pulling me into another hug and kissing me lovingly on my head.Â
she led me over to her couch with her hand on the small of my back.Â
âbefore i ask you to be my girlfriend, tell me all about the horrible date you went on.â
i paused, stopping in my tracks. kate turned me to face her, her hands moving to my hips. she smiled at me before speaking again.Â
âi know things have been rough between us ; on both ends.âÂ
her hands move to cup my face as she brings me closer.Â
âbut i cant seem to get you off my mind. ever.â
now, i seemed to notice how good she looked. her hair was down, her eyes wide as she stared into my own.Â
i smiled up at her as tears kept falling from my eyes. she leaned in slowly and kissed me. the kiss was sweet. it was filled with love and care and tenderness, everything she felt in her heart.Â
all for me.Â
i kissed her back slowly, feeling the despair and sadness in my heart melt away. she was so warm, so comforting. her fingers slid into the back of my jean pockets as she breathed in through her nose.Â
my hands hesitantly wrapped around her neck, tangling in the roots of her hair.Â
then suddenly, she was everywhere. gripping my ass, attacking my mouth with her tongue and pulling my body impossibly closer to her.Â
i broke the kiss quickly, looking at her wide-eyed. was this really something that we should be doing?Â
i pushed the thought out of my head hurriedly, the impulsiveness of her actions sending heat straight between my legs. then, she leaned down and began to kiss me again. she gently put her hands on my waist and backed me into her room.
she flipped me around and pressed me against the door-shutting it. her hands were traveling everywhere fast. she was on my waist, my breasts, my ass, etc. you name it and she was there.Â
i gasped out quietly as she began to leave sloppy kisses on my neck. i leaned my neck back, allowing her more access. she grinned against my skin.
âno man,-â she panted.
âwill ever,-â she said, her fingers tugging on the bottom seam of my shirt. she leans in to continue kissing me.
she pulls my shirt off smoothly, her fingers digging into the exposed skin on my waist,
âmake you-â she kisses me again.
âfeel like-â
her hands reach around to the clasps of my bra, her mouth moving to my neck.Â
she takes my bra off effortlessly, the material falling to her floor along with my shirt.
â-this.âÂ
her eyes travel down to my breasts.Â
i reach for her shirt seam as well pulling it over her head, i notice her sports bra and her toned abdomen. my fingertips trace up the sides of her body and swear i felt my mouth watering.Â
as if something snapped in me, i push kateâs shoulders until her legs hit her bed and she sits down. i crawl on top of her, sitting in her lap.Â
âyouâre so pretty, kate,â i whisper.
she smiles and brings her hand to the back of my head, pulling my lips to hers.Â
i open my mouth invitedly, her tongue slipping in and fighting for dominance with my own. the fight for control caused kate to moan in my mouth. her hips buck up against mine, the friction causing me to tug on her hair.
âyou like that?â she whispers against my lips. our noses touch and i open my eyes, looking straight at her. i nod my head frantically, encouraging her to keep going. her hands grip my hips, holding me down against her thigh. she starts to move my body back and forth, grinding my body against her thigh.
the friction is enough to make me throw my head back, and i feel her grip me tighter.Â
âgod youâre so perfect,â she whispers. then, she stands up and switches us so sheâs on top of me.Â
sheâs quickly unbuttoning my jeans, wasting no time on teasing.Â
âdamn, kate. are you excited or what?â i ask, laughing.Â
she looks up at me, staring me in my eyes.Â
âi havenât tasted you in months.â
i donât respond, instead i lift my hips up so she can pull down my jeans and underwear. im completely naked under her, something sheâs admitted she likes before.
she crawls up my body, my legs parting and wrapping around her as she leans down to kiss my breasts. she kitten licks one of my nipples, her other hand harshly groping the other breast. my back arches due to the pleasure, a pornographic moan escaping my lips.Â
i feel her teeth slightly graze my nipple again before she switches sides. i can practically feel myself pooling between my legs.Â
she slowly licks down my torso, stopping to give me kisses on my inner thighs. i can tell sheâs leaving hickeys, another thing she likes to do.Â
âkate stop it,â i plead. i needed her now.Â
my hips bucked upwards, her hands aggressively holding me down as she placed a singular kiss on my pubic bone, then another on the spot where i needed her most.Â
i look down at her, her blue eyes already staring into mine. her tongue darted out, hardly grazing me.
i snap my head back, my thighs subconsciously trapping her head.Â
then, she moves one of her hands from around my thighs, and she slips a finger into me.Â
before i can even make a sound, she begins to eat me out and fuck me with her finger at the same time, adding a second.Â
i moaned her name, my face scrunching up with pleasure.Â
âkate ohmygod,â i breathed.
she moved her head from side to side, my pleasure increasing tenfold - if that was even possible.Â
she took my ankles and set them both on her shoulders, pulling me closer against her in the process. i knew she could tell i was close. she started moving faster and curling her fingers inside of me.
âkate please,â i begged. i didnât even know what i was asking for. she felt so good.Â
i felt her hum against me, completely sending me over the edge. pleasure ripped through me as my stomach twitched as i came down from my high. her hands moved to my hips again, holding me down as she cleaned me up with her mouth.Â
i stayed laying flat on her bed as she crawled on top of me. she took her fingers and placed them in my mouth. i sucked on them, tasting myself.Â
she smiled wide and licked the mess off her lips.
âyou wanna be my girlfriend?"
#kate martin#kate martin x reader#katemartin#iowa wbb#wbb#wbb x reader#wlw#lesbian#bisexual#caitlin clark#kate martin smut#kate martin x y/n#kate martin fanfic#iowa womenâs basketball#iowa hawkeyes#wnba basketball#las vegas aces#lv aces#kate money martin#university of iowa
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sense | c.b.
pairing: colby brock x medium ! f ! reader
summary: colby meets a new medium for their video, but he didn't expect to have a crush on herÂ
w.c.: 5.4k
warning(s): talk about paranormal, creepy activity, a lil steamy moment
a/n: Â like sleep tight, the hauntings are made up and the story line does not exist. i do want to add that, i suck at writing a lot of like investigative stories so please donât judge me. also I had requests for this type of story, ironically I was already working on it so hope you guys enjoy it
images from pinterest !
"Is anyone gonna join us?" Colby asked, packing his camera into his bag.Â
"Actually, yeah, some girl that Celina referred from the home town," Sam replied. "She's supposed to be a medium." He added.Â
The two guys finally we're going to investigate the infamous orphanage that is supposedly haunted by the spirits of the children that died. They had finally done the research and were ready to go investigate.Â
"Cool, what's this girl's name?" Colby inquired.Â
"Uhm, I think it's y/n?" Sam stopped to think, pulling out his phone. "Yeah, I texted her this morning letting her know we're going to catch a flight there, she's our ride." Sam chuckled, putting away his phone into his pocket.Â
Colby let the name sit in his brain for a little, hoping to remember it later. It wasn't long before they were on their flight there. It was quite a while, editing and looking over their notes.Â
When they landed, Sam kept searching for her face and Colby totally lost who they were supposed to look for. Sam's eyes soon lit up, recognizing her in the crowd. He waved at her, bringing her attention towards them.Â
Colby finally noticed who they looked for, catching a glimpse of her. He felt his body heat up, flustered at her beauty. She was gorgeous, her hair running down her shoulders and her smile radiating through the crowds of people passing, he was surprised he didn't notice her earlier. She'd look like your typical medium, having a great style in all black, wearing an oversized band shirt, black sleeves underneath that hung over her jeans.Â
"Hey guys!" Y/n greeted them, hugging Sam then moving over to Colby.
Colby felt his heart flutter and couldn't help but take her scent in, practically intoxicating. As she pulled away from her embrace, Colby couldn't help but feel disappointed. She offered them a smile and a hand with their luggage, but they declined the help.Â
They moved their things into her car, ready for the trip over to their hotel. On the way there, she played music that practically matched Colby's taste. He felt as if he found his soulmate then and there.Â
Sam kept asking her about herself and getting to know her.Â
"So tell me, what type of medium are you?" Sam wondered. "If you don't mind me asking, of course."Â
"It's okay, I like answering these, well, it's weird but I sorta have different types of abilities," Y/n began, steering the wheel. "I can let spirits communicate through me, so I'll channel them into my consciousness, letting them talk." She answered.Â
"Other abilities? like what?" Colby asked, curious as he leaned forward in his seat.
"Well, I'm sure you have other mediums with my ability to see beyond what you guys can see," Y/n chuckled, amused at their curiosity. "I sort of have a heightened sense and I can see actual spirits walking around and hear whispers."Â
"You know, I think you're the only medium we met who can just surrender themselves to let spirits talk through them." Sam chuckled.Â
"Oh well I don't do it often, only with spirits I trust." Y/n added.Â
As she finished her sentence, they had finally made their way to their hotel. It didn't take long before the three of them were inside the room, talking about random stuff. Colby couldn't help but watch her as she laughed and moved around the room.Â
"What's so interesting about Nebraska?" Sam joked, starting a conversation.Â
"If i'm being honest," Y/n sighed. "Nothing." She laughed.Â
"Oh, that's great," Sam laughed back. "I don't want to get into the video already, but tell me, why is Nebraska so significant with orphanages?" He continued, pulling out his camera and beginning to record.Â
"Well, do you guys know about the Orphan Train Movement?" She asked, leaning back on the bed she sat on.Â
"No, never really heard of it." Colby replied, shaking his head.Â
"Well, Nebraska is like the center of all the railways, so in the 1850's all the way until the 1920's, people would send orphans on the train from like the crowded East Coast cities into the midwest, mostly Nebraska," Y/n explained. "So, we used to have a lot of orphanages just like Haven Orphanage." She continued.Â
"Really? that's really interesting." Sam commented, facing the camera towards her.Â
"Yeah, again I don't really have much knowledge about it but that's what I know," Y/n corrected. "Hopefully the guide will explain it better."Â
Y/n decided it's best if she lets them settle in, letting her also collect herself and prepare for their investigation. she said her goodbyes before leaving. She had to admit, she had a crush on Colby for a while. But she didn't want to feed her delusions and say he felt the same, telling herself he was probably being friendly.Â
When she had left, Sam turned over to colby.Â
"You so have a crush on her." Sam laughed.Â
Colby turned red, covering his face, "Shut up." He muttered.Â
"Hey, I just never seen you so quiet around a girl," Sam admitted. "Come on, you gonna make a move?" Sam enticed him.
Colby sighed for a second, looking at his best friend, "I-i don't know, she's only being nice, I don't want to embarrass myself and get rejected."Â
"Really? Colby Brock getting rejected? Haven't seen that happen yet." Sam teased.Â
Colby rolled his eyes, playfully. "Whatever, letâs just focus on this investigation for now." he averted the subject.Â
Sam just gave him a look, as if it wasn't over just yet. He agreed to his friend's idea, pulling out his notes and taking more notes.Â
Six o'clock came a lot earlier than they hoped, making their way to the orphanage. As they pulled into the building, they noticed y/n already waiting out front for them. Colby felt his heart beat a bit faster seeing her there. He examined her outfit and her demeanor, admiring her.Â
They began making their way up towards the front doors, seeing the guide also there. It didn't take long for y/n to turn around and notice them, putting a smile on her face and her heart to melt a bit seeing colby.Â
"What's up guys?" Y/n offered them a smile. "I was just talking to Morgan here about the building." She pointed towards the other woman.Â
They greeted their guide, offering a warm greeting. They all introduced themselves, joking and laughing a bit.Â
"Well, are you guys ready for the tour?" Morgan asked them.Â
"Yeah, for sure lead the way." Sam nodded, following her.Â
"Well this building was built in 1863, it was originally an orphanage named Haven Orphanage for Moved or Unwanted children," Morgan started, pointing towards the building. "It's said to be haunted, due to cruel conditions like overcrowding and shortage of supplies. The government didn't really want to pay for any orphanages, unfortunately causing it to be absolute hell for the children and staff." She continued, clasping her hands together.Â
"Yeah, off the bat I already feel like some negative energy," Y/n motioned with her hands towards the building. "Like I feel a negative spirit lurking."Â
"Yeah, so that you're feeling is Ruby," Morgan clarified. "She was one of the staff, she was very cruel to the children and it's rumored she sold her soul to the devil for the place to keep standing, but unfortunately she passed away from unknown causes." She continued.Â
Everyone looked around, widened eyes painted on their faces.Â
"Wow, okay so more demons." Sam chuckled.
"Well, it's not all bad energy," Morgan stopped him. "There's a lot of children spirits in here, they're rather playful and kind. But they do like to mess with you so don't get too scared from it." She added.Â
"Wait, why am I kinda excited," y/n replied, covering her smile. "I never talked to children's spirits before." She admitted.Â
"Well, it'll be a new experience for everyone then." Morgan chuckled, "Shall we start the tour then?" She suggested.Â
The group agreed, making their way into the building. Immediately everyone looked around the place, noticing the different decor and admiring the ceilings.Â
"So, as you can see, the building has a lot of character to it," Morgan pointed out. "But don't be fooled, there are a lot of dark corners of this building."Â
Aas they went deeper into the hallway, they looked around seeing the admission office and different classrooms.Â
"This was the classrooms, they would attend school here but the staff wasn't very kind," Morgan began. "A lot of the staff would use punishments that were unorthodox, like paddling which was spanking with a wooden paddle." She added.Â
Colby looked over to Sam, "Maybe I should be punished." He whispered, causing y/n and Sam to laugh a bit.Â
They soon wandered up the stairs, examining the stained glass on their way up. Y/n smiled as her eyes traveled around the beautiful structure, while Colby couldnât help but watch her move and how beautiful she was.Â
When they made their way up, they noticed the many bedrooms with bunk beds. As y/n began following the guide, she heard a loud metallic thump in one of the rooms. She jumped a bit, surprised by the sound. Unexpectedly, she jumped back into Colby's arms, causing her to become embarrassed.Â
Colby's hands were wrapped around her for a moment before y/n, releasing her when she cleared her throat and looked down flustered. âSorry, that just scared the shit out of me.â She muttered, placing a hand on her chest.Â
âThat's probably Billy,â Morgan mentioned, pointing towards one of the darkened rooms. âHe likes to mess with tourists, heâs a prankster but heâs harmless.â She added.Â
Y/n couldn't help but notice a small figure move out of her eyeline, causing her to swing her head towards the room. The guys followed her swift movements, examining the dark room.Â
"Did you see something?" Colby asked her, looking back at her.Â
Y/n tried focusing her eyes into the darkness, but nothing came up, "Could've sworn I saw something..." She whispered.Â
As Sam pointed the camera towards the darkness, he zoomed into the room. "Well we definitely have to come back here for something," he commented.Â
As they continued making their way further into the building, Colby couldn't keep his eyes off her. She was beautiful at every angle, he wanted to protect her from anything and everything. Y/n noticed his gaze, being a medium and all, and turned to him. Colby quickly averted his gaze off her, flustered yet again and awkwardly kept walking.Â
Y/n blushes as well, trying to rationalize. She cleared her throat as she began making her way towards one of the bedrooms.Â
"This was one of the girls' rooms," Morgan explained, pointing towards the different bedsheets of muted pinks and purples. "This doesn't have much activity besides a little girl who likes to sing from time to time, she's a rather sweet ghost."Â
"Sam, this one should be your favorite," Colby teases, mentioning the Sallie house.Â
Sam laughs, facing his friend, "I think I'm okay without another attachment."Â
They all exchanged laughs as they averted their attention towards the sudden faint sounds of footsteps, followed by the rocking chair in the corner slowly creaking as it rocked back and forth.Â
They went silent, looking at each other and back at the scene. But the chair just ceases its movements.Â
"Okay, what the actual fuck." Colby whispered, covering his mouth in shock.Â
Y/n felt a cold touch travel down her arm, as if someone swiped her arm. She looked around, trying to find the source. She felt a faint whisper in her ear, a name.Â
"That was the little girl, her name is Beth if you would like to talk to her." Morgan suggested.
Y/n's jaw flew down, realizing what the name was. "You're kidding," she gasped. "I literally heard like a whisper or something with that name." She announced, crossing her arms as she felt the cold begin to engulf her.Â
Sam and Colby turned to her, eyes widened in surprise.Â
"Oh my god, maybe Beth wants to talk or something?" Sam considered, pointing the camera towards her direction.Â
Y/n nodding, agreeing. She had experiences like this, but never this strong. She felt like her body was vibrating and buzzing with the constant movements and voices.Â
"Are you okay?" Colby asked, furrowing his brows as he noticed her body shake.Â
Y/n nodded slightly, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. "Yeah just there's so much happening right now, I keep hearing different types of voices and seeing figures around the corner of my eye." She mentioned.Â
Colby's eyes washed over with concern, having the need to protect her. "Did you want to take a break or anything?" He asked her, worry coated in his voice.Â
Y/n smiled at his empathy, "I'll be okay, just my body is buzzing a bit, but thank you." She breathed out, flustered at his concern.Â
Before they knew it, they had made their way to the darkest part of the building. The basement was where supposedly a lot of the children died from cruel punishments, creating a lot of angry spirits.Â
"Okay, so before we make our way around," Morgan began, turning back to the group of people. "There is a lot of negative energy here, they will try to hurt you. People always leave here with scratches and even have been pushed off the stairs going to the basement." She warned.Â
The group felt tense, nervous about what comes next. When they entered the dimly lit room, they could barely navigate through the dark basement as they stayed close to each other.Â
Y/n heard something fall, causing her to jump forward and instinctively grab the person's hand. That person being Colby. She blushed as she realized who it was, clearing her throat and mumbling an apology.Â
"It's okay," Colby assured, smiling but she couldn't see it. "You can hold my hand if you want, I'm sorta shitting bricks right now too." He chuckled, stretching out his hand to her.Â
She felt her heart skip a beat, hesitantly reaching for his hand. As she grabbed onto his hand, she felt her body rush with electricity. Y/n was glad that the room was too dark to see her flustered face.Â
"Alright guys," Morgan sighed, stopping under a lightbulb. "This was where most of the children actually died." She mentioned.Â
Y/n felt a wave of sadness coarse through her body, her lip beginning to quiver. Colby looked over to her, seeing the glisten of her tears.Â
"Hey, you okay?" He asked her, his brows furrowed with worry.Â
"Y-Yeah, I just felt this wave of sadness," she sniffled in response. "like I feel them telling me something so horrible happened to them." She added.Â
Colby felt sad to see her cry, wanting to wipe her tears away. Instead he gripped onto her hand firmly, reassuring her.Â
Morgan nodded at her comment, "It was actually gruesome," she began. "The kids would be punished here, starved, even beaten. A lot of that resulted in death."Â
Everyone in the group frowned, so much remorse for the poor children's lives that were lost.Â
"But," Morgan cut in. "Like I mentioned before, there is an adult spirit who haunts here, Ruby. It's rumored she was murdered down here or the other theory was she was pushed out of one of the windows."Â
They thought for a moment, feeling a cold chill rush through them causing them to shiver for a bit.Â
"Did you guys feel that?" Sam asked, pointing the camera towards them, ignoring their grasp on each other.Â
The two nodded, their eyes darting throughout the basement.Â
"Man, I don't like the vibe I'm getting here." Y/n whispered, trying to inch closer to Colby.Â
Colby agreed, lacing his fingers through hers as he pulled her closer to his body. He felt so protective of her, wanting her to be safe.Â
"Yeah, we don't want to be down here for too long," Morgan began making her way back to the exit. "People get seriously hurt here." She added, sternly.Â
Y/n's eyes widened, looking up at Colby. He looked back once he noticed her glance and smiled as he guided her towards the exit.Â
Once they exited the creepy basement, y/n let go as she thought Colby wouldn't want Sam to see their hold, causing Colby to become disappointed.Â
Morgan led the group towards the front of the building, Y/n walking alongside with her as Sam and Colby hung behind them.Â
"Dude, I saw you guys down there," Sam smirked, grabbing Colby's attention. "You know, holding hands," He teased.Â
Colby rolled his eyes as he flustered at his best friend's teasing, "So what?" He murmured.Â
"Admit it, you like her, don't you?" Sam asked, wiggling his brows slightly.Â
This only caused Colby to get more embarrassed, looking away from his best friend.Â
Sam only chuckled, reaching the doors to the building as they parted ways with Morgan. They thanked her, offering her farewells, and advice.Â
As soon as Morgan left, the group looked at each other. Y/n tried to avoid her gaze on Colby, not wanting to seem desperate for his attention.Â
"Alright, I think we should use the spirit box," Sam began, rummaging through his bag. "And I have some toys that might interest the kids." Sam added as he pulled out various children's toys and the infamous Alice box.Â
"Okay, sounds good." Colby agreed, nodding with the plan.Â
Y/n bit her lip, trying to figure out something she heard in the building. She figured it was nothing, brushing it off slightly. They began making their way back towards the doors they just exited, seeing the dark hallways stretch down.Â
Y/n froze for a moment, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. Soon, she started making her way towards the two who had already made it halfway down the hallway as they discussed plans.Â
She tried to catch up to them, but stopped when she saw it. She stopped at the intersection of hallways, staring down the much larger hallway.Â
Colby looked behind him, seeing y/n stuck in a trance like state. He made his way back to her, nudging her to see what's wrong.Â
"Y-You guys don't see it don't you?" She whispered, her eyes glued on the other side of the barren hallway.Â
Colby and Sam looked over to where she was staring, unable to locate the problem.Â
"No, Y/n we only see the hallway." Colby shook his head, worry creeping into his skin.Â
As Sam tried to begin his sentence, Y/n quickly cut him off.Â
"Holy fuck, that thing just moved." Y/n whispered, her hands shaking a bit.Â
"What? What did you see?" Sam asked, looking around the hallway.Â
Y/n turned to the two, her eyes widened slightly.Â
"Okay, as I was about to make my way towards you guys," y/n explained. "I stopped because I heard this whisper, almost telling me to come over here kinda. So I look down the hallway and I see this fucking thing, it was like tall and black and clothed with some weird black clothes, it kept staring at me even when you guys came over. Then it grinned and walked away." She elaborated, her voice beginning to shake as she covered her mouth a bit with her shaking hand.Â
Sam and Colby look at each other for a moment, worried.Â
"Yeah, okay so already a lot of shit is happening." Sam sighed, feeling a pressure build up in his chest.Â
Colby nodded, licking his lips as he began to speak, "let's just get this investigation over with so we can leave," he suggested. "Are you okay to keep going?" He asked Y/n, his brows furrowed.Â
Y/n nodded her head, exhaling a deep breath out. "Yeah, just that freaked me out but i'm sure it's nothing." She convinced herself.Â
With that, the three made their way to one of the bedrooms, trying to contact one of the nicer spirits.Â
"Okay guys, so we have the new Alice box," Sam pointed the camera to the machine. "It's like a spirit box, reading through channels and frequencies so the spirits talk through it." He explained.Â
Y/n looked around the room a bit, examining the surroundings well. Colby couldn't help but stare at her face, watching as her eyes darted around. Y/n looked over to Colby's glance and Colby smiled a bit, causing her to blush yet again. She's lost track of how many times she caught him doing things that she keeps reading into. Clearly he's being friendly, but really how friendly?
"Okay let's ask some questions for the little girls that stay in this room." Sam began, clasping his hands after he turned on the small device.
"...hello?..."Â
A female voice rang throughout the room, the echo bouncing off the walls. Y/n furrowed her brows, pulling out her notebook as she began to scribble words that came up in her mind.Â
She stopped at the word, she looked down and thought of it for a moment. She noticed something, a pair of eyes on her notebook. But it wasn't a spirit, just colby snooping. She smiled a bit, turning her notebook over to Colby.Â
He looked at her then lined the pieces of paper with the random ink on letters and drawings. As he read the words, suddenly the Alice box answered.Â
"...chair..."
Colby's jaw hung open, looking over to Sam and the paper. Y/n's actions mimicking his.Â
"Dude," y/n gasped, displaying her notebook to Sam and the camera. "I wrote that not even 2 minutes earlier, Colby saw it too." She explained.Â
Samâs mouth hung open a bit, shocked. "No fucking way."Â
But before they could say anything else, the Alice box spoke again.Â
"...girl..."Â
"I mean, this is the girl's room." Y/n explained. The two guys nodded, still confused what the spirits are trying to say.Â
"...man... hallway..."Â
Y/n froze, goosebumps running down her body. "Oh my god, it's talking about that thing I saw." She whispered.Â
"Do you know the thing that Y/n saw in that hallway?" Colby asked into the open air.Â
The Alice box stayed silent for a moment, occasionally spewing random words that didn't make sense. But as they were about to turn it off, it spoke.Â
"... can't say..."Â
"Can't say? Why can't you say anything?" Y/n asked yet again, scribbling into her notebook.Â
"...won't..." "...let us..."Â
"He maybe has a hold on them," Sam suggested, rubbing his chin slightly. "It's possible it's a demon." He added.Â
"...evil..."Â
They looked at each other and didn't say anything for a moment, Y/n turning her notebook over to reveal the word written on the paper. evil.Â
Then the rem pod near the door started going off, a chill running down Y/n's back as the room became cold.
"Okay, this is actually so freaky," Sam chuckled a bit, pointing the camera towards the door. "The rem pod went off after Y/n wrote evil AND the Alice box said evil."Â
Y/n sat up, ears perking up a bit as she listened carefully to the air. "Okay, I don't know if it's just me, but the room went completely freezing, and I feel something negative in here." She blurted out.Â
"Yeah, I feel the cold," Sam agreed. "Could it be that thing you saw earlier?" He inquired.Â
Y/n shook her head, "No, that was like paralyzing fear," She noted. "This one.. it's just mad." She whispered out.Â
Concern painted on Colby's expression, clearly reading her body language as uncomfortable.Â
"Hey, maybe let's end it in this room," Colby proposed. "A lot more places to investigate."Â
Sam nodded, reaching for the equipment as he turned it off. Y/n sat up, but quickly recoiled forward. Colby noticed it, confused.Â
"You okay?" he asked, helping her stabilize herself.Â
Y/n looked around as Colby held onto her arm. "Y-Yeah, just something pushed me," She answered. "like I was standing up, and I felt a shove on my upper back."Â
The group quickly exited the room, making their way down to the basement. They were going to explore more of the place, but seeing how y/n kept being targeted clearly for her abilities they weren't comfortable making her go through it.Â
The feeling of uneasiness returned, entering the frigid basement. The dim light still remained on, barely illuminating the space around them.Â
"Alright guys, we're going to the basement," Sam mentioned into the camera, showing the dark room. "We're going to do the Estes method down here, Colby is going to do it today." he spun the camera towards Colby's direction, zooming into his face.Â
"Wow, face of excitement right there." Y/n joked, causing Colby to break his monotone expression to light up with laughter.Â
She felt her heart jump, hearing his laughter brightening her spirit up. She could listen to it all day if she could. Colby soon sat on the barren concrete floor, Y/n handing him the blindfold followed with the headphones. His hands brushing up against her, followed by a smirk on his face.Â
She cleared her throat, backing away from him.Â
"Alright Colby, can you hear us?" Sam asked, testing out the volume. Colby doesn't say anything, listening to the random static coming through the headphones.Â
"Okay, whoever dwells in this basement, are you the supposed member of staff that passed away?" Sam questioned, awaiting Colby's answer.Â
"Perhaps." Colby replied.Â
"So it's a bit sassy." Y/n chuckled a bit followed by Sam's chuckles.Â
"Well, is it true you did rituals to keep this place running?" Sam added.Â
Colby stayed silent for a moment, trying to listen carefully to the voices ringing through.Â
"Force." Colby blurted. "protect," he continued.Â
They looked at each other, trying to decipher what was spoken.Â
"What did you do to protect this building?" Y/n asked, furrowing her brows.Â
"Colby." Colby said. "Crush."Â
Sam looked over to y/n and smirked a bit, "I think it's speaking for you."Â
Y/n smacked Sam playfully, a blush covering her face.Â
"Kissing," Colby furrowed his brow under his mask. "Tree."Â
Sam bursted into laughter, nearly dropping to the floor. Y/n covered her face with her hands, embarrassed. Colby, still oblivious to what's happening, is still spewing out words. Sam tapped him, alerting him to pull out of his trance.Â
Colby removed his blindfold, followed by the headphones. He noticed Sam's laughter and Y/n's embarrassed face behind her hands.Â
"What? What happened?" Colby asked, curious why Sam was practically rolling on the floor.Â
Sam calmed down, wiping the tears out of his eyes. âIt said kiss and then tree,â Sam coughed a bit. âIt was teasing you.â He pointed towards Colby.Â
Colby's face became warm, blushing until his face was red, âYeah real funny, Sam.â Colby muttered with a sigh.Â
Y/n cleared her throat, cheeks still flaming hot. "Well, let's just continue what we came here for." Y/n grumbled, her arms folded on her chest.Â
Sam wiped his eyes, cooling down from his laughter. "Wow, that was too good."
Sam began making his way towards the stairs, leaving Y/n and Colby behind his trail.
"Sorry about him." Colby let out with a sigh, rubbing his neck.Â
Y/n smiled up at him slightly, "I-Its okay, I know he's just teasing." She blushed.Â
Colby simply nodded, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. It wasn't too long before they had explored the whole place, investigating where they could. But then the time to sleep in the actual building came, which y/n began overthinking about. She knew she agreed to sleep alone, but she was too scared after her encounter with that thing in the hallway.Â
"Alright guys, it's time for us to split up and sleep in separate rooms," Sam urged. "We figured with the whole Y/n seeing the spirit in the hallway, we're going to sleep in rooms next to each other just to ensure safety." Sam explained.Â
Y/n fiddled with her fingers slightly, anxiety beginning to heighten. She bit her lip as they began setting up camp in their rooms. She grabbed her sleeping bag, making their way towards one of the girl's rooms. her heart began beating against her chest as she sat on top of her sleeping bag, listening to every crack and noise around her.Â
She rubbed her face, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. But then she heard a faint knocking on the window directly behind her. She just stared at the moonlight that illuminated through the glass in front of her. She quickly sat up, quickly walking towards the closed door. As she opened the door, Colby's chest pressed up against hers. She yelped as she got freighted by the unexpected visit.Â
Y/n pressed her hand onto her chest, trying to calm herself down. "Holy shit Colby, you scared the fuck out of me!" She lightly slapped his chest.Â
Colby chuckled a bit, trying to lighten up the mood, "Sorry, I couldn't sleep, plus I knew this was your first time staying alone in a haunted place so I wanted to keep you some company." He admitted.Â
Y/n felt her heart softly flutter, touched by his gesture, "Yeah, I sorta kept hearing things, I was gonna go to you." She confessed.Â
Colby smiled, glad she found comfort in his presence, "Mind if I sleep in the same room as you then?" He requested.Â
"Not at all," Y/n quickly replied, walking back to her sleeping bag onto the floor. Colby followed, his pillow and sleeping bag in his hands. "I wonder if Sam is shitting himself alone." She chuckled as she hugged her knees close to her chest.Â
Colby sat next to her as he laid out his temporary bed, chuckling at the comment, "He'll be fine," He waved off, "After he laughed at us,he can sleep by himself."Â
Y/n laughed a bit, looking down towards the floor. Colby couldn't help but stare at her, admiring her features in the moonlight. She noticed his gaze, moving her attention back towards him.Â
"W-What?" She asked him, confused.Â
"Nothing," Colby shrugged. "You're just really beautiful." He whispered.Â
She flustered as she looked away as her cheeks painted with a deep color, "Oh, stop it." She muttered, playing with her fingernails.Â
Colby's fingers landed on her jaw, moving her to face back towards him. She looked up into his eyes, seeming to get pulled closer towards him.Â
"Well, it's true," He added, but couldn't help but lean towards her lips as his eyes kept glancing to her eyes and back to her lips. "I couldn't stop staring at you all day," he revealed.Â
She felt her body heat up, unknowingly pressing closer to him. "Well, maybe I knew," She replied, feeling his hand on top of hers. "Maybe I was staring too."Â
With that, Colby's lips landed on her. She gladly accepted as her lips pieced together perfectly. Colby's hand laced with hers, like previously that night. He lightly held her face, his thumb rubbing her cheek.
But soon, Colby pulled away, leaving them panting as they rested each other's forehead on one another. Y/n couldn't help but smile and chuckle a bit, causing Colby to wonder.Â
"What?" He wondered.Â
"Nothing," She added, rubbing her thumb on his hand. "Just, there were at least three little girls in here giggling." She confessed.Â
Colby let out a laugh, pulling away as he looked around the room, "Well, you guys should give us some space." He announced into the room.Â
The next morning, the sun began to shine through their window. The rays of light hitting their eyes, causing their eyes to flutter open. Y/n was the first one to notice him, seeing his wide smile on his face. Sam pointed the camera at the two, giggling as he noticed her to wake up.Â
Y/n looked over next to her, noticing the boy clung onto her as he laid onto her chest. She threw her pillow towards Sam, causing him to laugh loudly which woke up Colby. Colby rubbed his eyes, adjusting his vision to the bright room.Â
"What the-." Colby grumbled, looking up towards y/n's tired face.Â
"Dude, how long have you guys been cuddling?" Sam exclaimed, putting away the camera.Â
"Shut up sam." Colby muttered, his head landing onto his pillow. y/n sat up, covering her face.Â
"Sam, it's too early for this, can you please leave us alone." Y/n groaned.
"Fine, fine I'll let you love birds be." Sam teased, wiggling his brows a bit before he shut the door behind him as he left.Â
Y/n looked over to Colby who was laying on his side. She smiled a bit, still exhausted. He returned the smile, still amazed by her beauty.Â
"Does this mean you'd go out with me? or do you already know that I was gonna ask you out?" He finally asked.Â
Y/n chuckled dryly, "Colby, Iâm a medium, not psychic," She rolled her eyes playfully. "But yes, I will go out with you."
#colby brock#colby brock fanfic#colby brock imagine#colby brock smut#colby brock x reader#colby brock x y/n#sam and colby#sam golbach#xplr
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weâd still worship this love â e.m.
part two of even if itâs a false god.
pairing: modern!college!fboy eddie x fem!reader
warnings: smut!!!!!!, 18+, MINORS DNI. p in v, cr*ampie, unprotected s*x, angstangstangst, eddie regrets everything!!, jealous eddie, a bit of protective steve, drinking, swearing, praises, nicknames, fluff!!
summary: in which eddie regrets what he said to you. (wc:6.3k+)
a/n: literally the lyrics match up soooo well w the story imo im sorry for the last line ok i rlly tried to hold myself back not to directly write any lyrics lmao. this is CHEESY. i hate THE ENDING. as usual! but im so glad u guys liked pt. one and i didn't want to deprave any of u !!! i did not proof-read so pls ignore any mistakes!! hope u guys enjoy this lmk what u think mwah!!
Eddie sighed as he checked the kitchen, you were still nowhere to be found.
He had fucked up.
So badly.
He grabbed the half-empty red cup sitting on the kitchen stand. A whiff of alcohol hit his senses as soon as he tried to sniff it; it reeked, but Eddie didnât care at this point, downing it like it was water.
He grabbed the pack of cigarettes sitting in his back pocket, walking miserably toward the backyard as he lit the cigarette sitting between his lips.
âLetâs get you to Steveâs, yeah?â The voice that passed by him was quick to grab his attention.
Robin.
âRobin?â He exclaimed excitedly, causing Robin to mouth âDonâtâ.
He took a step to get closer to you but stopped quickly in his tracks; he had caused enough fucking damage.
He made his bed, and now he needed to lie in it.
He watched as you and Robin left, leaving him all alone.Â
2 HOURS LATER
DONâT ANSWER: im so fuckhjing sorry
DONâT ANSWER: i didnt fuckingmeanit lije that i swear
DONâT ANSWER: pls talk to me
DONâT ANSWER: r u at steve? i can come
DONâT ANSWER: pleaseeeeee we canât leave things like this.Â
You heaved a sigh reading his texts, he was drunk again, and you werenât going to entertain him.
You blocked this contact.Â
âHeâs texting me.â You groaned, chucking your phone away as you plopped yourself onto Steveâs bed.
âWhat did he say?â Steve asked curiously.
âHe wants to see me and talk, heâs drunk again.â You replied curtly, head still filled with the words he uttered to you.
âI just⊠I canât believe heâd say that.â Robin chimed in, shaking her head.
âI could. Heâs an asshole.â You rolled your eyes.
âYeah⊠but I always thought he had a soft spot for you.â Robin muttered.
You chuckled dryly. âHe has a soft spot for my body.â You crinkled with disgust.
Robin shook her head as she spoke. âNo, I mean it, Y/N⊠I really donât believe he meant it likeââÂ
Steve was quick to interrupt. âJesus, Robin, stop making excuses for him. I know heâs your friend and all, but he fucked up. And thereâs nothing he can do now to ever take back the things he did to her!â He exclaimed, the two of them started bickering back and forth.Â
You wanted to sink into the bed; you so badly wanted to believe Robin, believe that Eddieâs words were all just a lie, just something he made up on the spot just because he was afraid.Â
But Steve was rightâeven if it was a lie, even if it was all a huge misunderstanding, nothing he could do would undo the amount of pain he caused you. The nights you spent sobbingânothing could change that.Â
But a part of you also knew that, if Eddie ever caught you in a moment of weakness again, youâd do it all over again; youâd let him ruin you all over again, just to have him complete you for the mere seconds he made you feel loved.Â
The bickering and the storm in your mind stopped with a sudden knock on Steveâs door.Â
The three of you looked at each other in unison.
Shit.
Did that stupid bastard really have the audacity to come here?Â
You looked over at Steve with pity, about to open your mouth and beg, plead with him to do something, and he was quick to understand your train of thought. âI got this.â He muttered, hand squeezing your knee for comfort before he attended the door.Â
As soon as the door swung open, there he was, blood-shot eyes and messy hair framing his face. He was shitfaced and could barely stand against the door frame. âMunson.â Steve affirmed sternly.Â
âWâwhere is she?â Eddie slurred, barely even letting Steve speak.Â
âSheâs not here.â Steve said without letting Eddie take a look.Â
âLook, man⊠I know she is, pleaseââ He tried to push past him, but Steve stood his ground, blocking his way before his face turned cold.Â
âShe doesnât want to see you.â Steve almost hissed, the intensity of his gaze taking Eddie back.Â
âDonât make this any harder and just leave, yeah?â Steve muttered, almost shutting the door before Eddieâs heavy boots interfered.Â
âPlease.â Eddie pleaded, making Steve huff as he threw a quick glance your way, and you quickly shook your head, mouthing ânoâs.
But that was it; Eddie barged in as he used Steveâs distraction to his advantage, you gasped when the door swung open, revealing Eddie.Â
He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, his gaze held guilt and relief. Guilty because of the fact that he uttered those words to you. But, relieved that he saw you, relieved that he could finally explain himself to you.
Yet you looked at him with such disgust that it ached his heart, putting on a heavy ache on his chest. Every breath he took now felt like a struggle.Â
âDonât!â You seethed when he took a step toward you, Steve was quick to jump to your defence, but you waved him off.Â
âLeave.â You could feel your face grow hotter with rage each time you spoke, you didnât want him here, you wanted him to disappear from the face of the earth.Â
âIâm so fucking sorry.â That was all that left his lips, his eyes were glinting with sadness, and his bottom lip trembled with guilt.Â
âYou have the nerve⊠You have the fucking nerve.â You chuckled dryly, tongue rolling inside your cheek in anger.Â
âPlease... Let me just explain,â He slurred.Â
His drunkenness made you more angry.
âI donât want you to!â You hissed. Â
âI told you, Iâm fucking done, Munson.â You spoke calmly, tears were threatening to spill, but you held your ground.Â
âOne fucking minute, I swearââ You heaved a sigh, and another angry chuckle escaped from your throat as you looked at Steve, as if to tell him to kick him out, signaling for help.Â
âAlright,â Steve muttered. âShe doesnât wanna talk, Munson.â He spoke calmly as he held Eddieâs arm, trying to drag him out. Eddieâs protests fell deaf on your ear as you plopped yourself on the bed again, crying into Steveâs sheets as Robin played with your hair to reassure you.Â
1 MONTH LATER:
Thirty fucking days.
Eddie was going to lose his mind.Â
Blocked from everywhere, and you avoided him like the plague.
He knew he deserved to be shut out; he knew he didnât deserve you. But even crumbs of information from you would have eased him.
Steve and Robin had been useless, except for today. Except for that cryptic message Robin sent him about you being at the party today. And he praised his lucky stars for that.
Until he made it to the party.
Until he finally saw you.
With Mr. Jock pinning you against the wall as you giggled at his unfunny jokes.
Jesus fucking Christ.Â
Donât make a scene, Eddie. Donât fucking make a sceneâ
His lips pressed together, jaw quick to clench as he couldnât help the way he almost sprinted toward you. He didnât know if it was out of pure jealousy, or the fact that he had missed you so goddamn much that he couldnât stray away from you anymore.Â
âHi, honey.â Eddie said sarcastically and chirpily, jealousy dripped from his tone, and he couldnât help the intense gaze he had on the asshole.Â
You froze in your place as soon as you recognized the voice. What the fuck was he doing?Â
Standing between the two of you, âWhoâs this?â Eddie spat, his hand aggressively pointing toward him.Â
You rolled your eyes before you turned to him. âDonât,â You warned, your brows shooting up and a fiery flash apparent in your eyes.Â
âWho are you?â He narrowed his eyes at Eddie, and as if Eddie had been waiting for him to provoke him further, he gave a smug smirk. Body turning to face the asshole.
You panicked, and the ever-so apparent tension in the air grew thicker âNo one.â You replied quickly, avoiding Eddieâs lingering gaze.Â
âReally? Youâre gonna play that card, princess?â He gave you a dry chuckle, jealousy gnawed at his insides.Â
You squeezed your eyes shut to save yourself from embarrassment, but he wasnât going to stop until this jerk wasnât at your side.Â
âThatâs not what you were saying the last time I saw youââ You were quick to cut him off with a warning gaze, your eyes widening.Â
âEddie⊠Thisâthis is Ethan.â You said through gritted teeth.Â
Eddie mocked a realization face, and you wanted to punch that smirk off of his stupid smug face. âOhâŠâ He laughed all-knowingly.
âThat Ethan? The jock?â You narrowed your eyes, annoyance setting over your face, and you couldnât handle the heat growing in your cheeks.Â
This asshole.Â
âIâm sorry, man.â He chuckled, giving Ethan a harsh slap on the shoulder, a slap that wasnât friendly in the slightest bitâand you were sure now that the tension in the space the three of you shared could be cut through with a knife.
You cleared your throat to speak up, but Ethan did it before you. âWhat the fuck are you talkinâ about?â
This was the provocation Eddie needed, and you knew it; you saw that mischievous glint glimmer in his eyes. âOh, just that she was telling me all about how fucking horrible youââ
You interrupted Eddie with a nervous giggle. âSooo sorry! Heâs just a bit drunk!â You gave Ethan a panicked smile.Â
âIâll see you around!â You called out, walking off while dragging Eddie as far away from him as possible with a harsh grip on his arm.Â
You probably didnât know what you were getting yourself into when you dragged him toward the closest empty room.Â
âWhat the fuck?!?â You yelled into his face.Â
He ignored your distress. âWhat are you doing with him?â
âNone of your business.â You hissed.
âIt is my business if you get with Mr Jock again.â
âIâm not getting withââ You lowered your voice mid-sentence, annoyance taking over.Â
âWhat part of âI donât want to fucking see you ever againâ donât you understand?â You let out through gritted teeth, your face heating from anger.Â
âDid you knowâŠâ He said, completely ignoring you, and you looked at him with the same angry expression, getting tired of his antics.
âWhen you get angry like that, a line crinkles on your forehead, and those sweet lips pout into a frown? You look so fuckinâ cute like that.â He murmured, leaning against the wall you trapped him into.
You let out an exasperated sigh, eyes rolling into the back of your head. âWhat the fuck is your problem?â You asked, brows furrowing.Â
âWhat the hell do you want from me?âÂ
âYou? I mean, eventually, I want to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep with you every night.â He smirked.
Fucking jerk.
You chuckled with an audible scoff. "Is this some kind of a joke?" You muttered under your breath, voice laced with irritation.
âYou are so fucking irritating.â You spat, eyes narrowing.Â
âJust⊠justâLeave me alone.â Your voice lowered, your face was coming closer to his, and all Eddie could think about was how nice it was to have you this close to him again, to feel your warmth again.
You could see it, the emotions his gaze held, but you didnât want to fall for his antics again, so you turned quickly to leave.
âPlease.â His pleading and his hold on your arm were what made you stop in your tracks. The way his voice cracked, you could hear the desperation. If only you didnât care about him this fucking muchâŠ
âPleaseâjust, hear me out.â He was almost begging, and you knew you should be running, you knew you shouldnât care, not even to spit the venom inside of you that had been building since that night.
But you canât help it.Â
âAre you fucking kidding me?â You asked, words coming out in a sharp and biting tone as your anger escalated.Â
âAfter what you said to me...â You looked at him with a piercing stare, your eyes practically emitting flashes of irritation.
âDo you have any fucking idea how much I canât even stomach being around you?â Your nostrils flared with every breath you took.Â
âIn fact, I hate you.â You spat.
âYou hate me?â He asked, inching closer toward you.Â
âYes!â You snapped.Â
âThen show me.â He challenged.Â
âWâwhat?â You stuttered, your confidence dissipating in a second as the room felt so fucking small when he was standing this close to you.Â
Your guard was so thinly veiled that one fucking word from him was enough to shatter it.
And you knew, with one or two more pushes from him, youâd give in. Youâd give in, regardless; you had missed him more than you would ever let him know.Â
And you shouldnât. You fucking shouldnât.
âTake it out on me.â He whispered, gaze intentionally fixated on your lips.Â
âYou hate me, fine! One last time. Get me out of your system.â Heâs so close to your face that when he leans in to whisper in your ear, you can feel his hot breath on your neck.Â
Heâs intoxicatingâhis endearing words, the jealousy, and the possessivenessâand you shouldnât fucking fall for it.Â
But it feels different this time; something is so fucking different about him that itâs throwing you off. The way his pretty lips frame the words is convincing.Â
Making you believe that this would be the last time, making you believe that you could come clean off him if you had him just one more fucking time.Â
You donât say anything when you give in, your gaze lingering on his lips.
His eyes are quick to trace your face, admiring all of your features in awe, regret filling every vein in his body, knowing that this would be the last time.Â
âYouâre fucking beautiful,â he says roughly. He doesnât let you respond, lets the petty comments die down your throat when he kisses you.Â
Oh, Jesus, Fucking Christ.Â
Your heart was pounding against your ribcage. There was something so bittersweet about the way he kissed you, knowing it was going to be the last. He twirled his tongue with yours, so needy and so fucking promising.Â
Eddie knew you better than the back of his hand, so when you started whimpering against his lips, your knees giving out, he knew you didnât want to waste any time.Â
He guided you toward the bed, gentle as he had never been before. The two of you were slow to undress each other, savoring every fucking moment.Â
He let you lead everything, going only at your pace and making sure everything was up to your desires, purely catering to you.Â
You could sense it, see the difference in how intimate this was, compared to others where it was just senselessly fucking, this was passionate, and it was killing the two of you.Â
Rather than just pushing into it, he kept his gaze on you, admiring the way your chest rose up and down as his calloused hands slid further down your body, nipples hardening when his hands stopped to ghost over your thighs.Â
His other hand rested on your breasts, and he didnât hesitate to latch his tongue on it, sucking while his other fingers toyed with your entrance.Â
You mewled; you werenât going to hold back. âMoremoremore.âÂ
But he didnât move an inch.
That greedy bastard.Â
âMore,â You pleaded louder this time, growing impatient.Â
Eddie looked at you with such hunger in his eyes that it had your core throbbing. âIâm gonna give you every fucking thing you need, honey.â He promised.Â
âBut I need⊠this. I need this memory of you engraved into my brain, forever.â He groaned, giving all of his attention to every part of your body.Â
You were quick to nod, quick to oblige him, especially when he made you feel this fucking good.Â
But you couldnât help it, you needed him. Especially when he was everywhere, hands gliding all over your body, making you whimper with just his touch.Â
And the way you looked at him was so fucking tempting that he was almost going to explode, you were pleading with your gaze, telling him to take you⊠fully. To make you his, one last fucking time.Â
He could recognize the weight your gaze held, almost as if he understood your train of thought, he pressed his thumb further into your clit, circling around it as your core clenched on nothing.Â
âPlease,â You begged.Â
âSuch an impatient, baby,â He muttered into your skin, pushing past your folds as he earned a low groan from you.
âMissed those sweet noises,â He hummed, doing everything in his power to not pound into you right away, the way your cunt was gushing for him, the way you pleaded, Eddie was sure heâd burst if he had to wait more.Â
With a tender touch, he tucked your hair back. âYou have no clue how fuckinâ insane you make me.â He pressed a sloppy kiss, his hands were still working their way through your folds.Â
âEach time Iâm around you⊠itâs like I lose all my fuckinâ senses.â He slurred into your ear, his cock was straining his boxers, and you looked so fucking perfect beneath him, looking all fucked when he had barely touched.Â
But you ignored it. Ignored every one of his words, you didnât need his sappy shit; you didnât need another reason to stay.Â
You just needed to feel good.Â
âPlease, fuck, baby, please,â You whimpered softly, your nails digging harshly into his back, making his cock twitch more and more.Â
Baby.Â
He doesnât even remember the last time you called him that, and it shouldnât bring a stupid, childish grin to his face, but it does.Â
Heâs ready to put everything behind him, start over, and do whatever you say.Â
But heâs sure you will never let him.Â
âI need you, Eds.â You murmured, eyes gazing into his; a mixture of tenderness and longing overtaking your features, speaking to him without uttering a single word.
That was all it took for him to free his hard cock from his boxers, his pink-tip burning with desire as it faced you, beads of pre-cum dripping from it as you smeared it all over, giving it a few pumps before you placed it into your entrance.Â
The low groans that escaped Eddieâs lips were so fucking loud, filling the room, and you loved it. You loved the strained sounds he made with one touch from you.Â
He didnât hesitate to push himself deep inside of you without a warning, the space now being filled with both of your contented groans.Â
âHoly fuck,â He breathed, head tilted back as he grinned at the sight in front of him.
You with your mouth hung open, murmuring his name as you took his cock like the good fucking girl that you were. Â
âTakinâ me so well, angel,â He praised, âBaby, so fuckinâ tight, mhmm.â He placed sloppy kisses between your jaw and the line of your neck, grunting as he pounded his cock in and out of you with a speed that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.
You were lost in him now, lost in the pure passion and affection Eddie provided you. You never felt this fucking good; you never felt this fucking close to him, breathing heavily as you struggled to keep your eyes open.Â
Everything was so fucking intense that you could barely breathe. Â
âLook at how well your sweet cunt is takinâ me in.â Eddie moaned, watching the way his cock disappeared into you, nuzzling him with your warmth.Â
âFuckfuckfuck. Sâfuckinâ warm, honey.â He muttered the deeper he pushed into you, and your walls were quick to clench around his throbbing cock.
You arched your back into him as you rocked your hips toward him. Â
You wanted him deeper and deeper, faster and faster, his every moment was euphoric, and you needed him, more and more.Â
He was making you greedy.Â
God, you wanted to hate him so fucking bad.Â
He groaned at your impatience, relished in the way you grunted your hips more into his cock, he chuckled smugly. âGreedy baby,â He muttered.Â
You ignored his taunting while you begged for more.Â
âShut up,â You murmured, teasing him back.
And it was a huge mistake.
He cursed as he pulled out of you, and you whined at the emptiness, âShit, shit, âm sorryâ You whispered, but he ignored you, continuing his teasing while all you could do was thrash beneath him.Â
âPleasepleaseplease,â You begged, causing him to smirk down at you.Â
And even though your pleas were heavenly, Eddie was in no mood to stray away from you, he needed to be inside of you.Â
He needed to feel your walls hugging his cock, he needed to be as close to you as he possibly could.Â
âI would never say no to you, doll.â He mocked, rocking his hips into you with such force that the whimper that slipped past your lips was sinful.Â
âAll fuckinâ mine, yea?â He whimpered needily, and you nodded without hesitation, even though you both knew that wasnât true.Â
You shuddered underneath him; he was filling you to the brim, and you cherished every fucking second of it.Â
âEddieâŠâ You barely let out a breath; the pleasure and sensation of each of his movements overwhelmed you.Â
He cooed, âSâstuffed with my cock that you can barely speak, doll?â He asked mockingly.Â
You nodded without hesitation, eyes squeezed shut. âIâFuckâŠâ Your head was dizzy, incoherent babbles were the only thing that escaped your lips, and Eddie knew, he knew you were close by the way your legs trembled.Â
âFuck⊠honeyâI know.â He purred cockily, his hips pushing further into you with a glorious thrust. âI feel the same, baby.â He groaned when you clenched around him again. Â
âMy perfect girl.â He muttered as he continued his pace, his cock rocking into you further and fasterâas if it were possibleâearning low pleads from you in return.
âI neverâI never thought being with someone could ever feel this way,â He whispered into your ear.Â
Donât let him get to you; donât fucking let his words get to you.
But fuckâdoes everything with him feel so fucking good.Â
âBut, shit, youâre so differentâŠâ He muttered, his pace continuing as he grunted between his sentences.Â
âYouâre so fucking different.â You avoided his gaze, the emotion it held was too fucking much for you to handle. Â
You tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the way you felt the hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Your emotions were a mess.Â
It felt good, and he felt good; his words, his fucking cock inside of you, everything felt so fucking good. It was the temporary fix you needed.Â
âDonât do this to me, Munson.â You barely let out, he could feel your thighs trembling.Â
âIâŠI never felt this way before⊠JesusâFuck.â The rocking motion of his hips became rougher each time he spoke; you were clenching around him, getting tighter and tighter, driving the both of you into insane heights of pleasure.
âI think I loââ You snapped from your hazy state of pleasure; each of his words was like a stab at your fresh wound, the one he fucking created.Â
âDonât,â You warned him sternly, interrupting before he could get another vowel out.
"Donât fucking finish that sentence. Donât do that with me.â
âI know you. It's not working on me." You whispered.
âButââ He pleaded, and you interrupted again.
âDonât say things you donât mean, donât ruin this.â The words were harsh as they left your lips.
âDonât say things to make me doubt this, to make it harder for me to leave.â There was such a vulnerability in your voice that he couldn't help but want to protest.Â
He wanted to tell you that it was all fucking true. That he was so fucking in love with you that he was sure he lost his mind.Â
Yet, you donât let him speak, you donât let his words fool you, not again.Â
You kiss him in a dizzyingly rough motion just to shut him up.Â
His skin slaps against yours, rough, as if heâs trying to take his frustrations out, and you let him, you let him pound into you senselessly. You let his cock drive into you further, not stopping until heâs sure heâs stuffed you to the brim.Â
âEddie, fuck!â You mumble into his lips; your brows are drawn together, and he knowsâhe knows you are close.Â
âAre you gonna cum, baby?â He cooed, and you nodded quickly. âCum for me, honey.â He encouraged, not stopping his pace as he roughly thrusted his cock inside of your throbbing cunt one last time.Â
A gush of wetness pulsed out of you when you released around him, the strength of your orgasm was enough to choke you out, and white-hot flashes blurred your vision as he watched you in awe.Â
He wasnât far behind, as the strained moans that escaped your throat drove him closer to the edge.Â
âShitshitâsâfuckinâ perfect.â He grunted. The way your cunt convulsed around him was too much for him to handle. He slammed inside of you one last time.
âFuckfuckfuckfuckââ He growled against your hair as he came, his cock shrivelled inside your cunt, pulsing as he coated your walls with his warm cum, fucking his release inside of you.
The two of you stayed like that for a hot minute, bodies tangled to each other, both minds fuzzy as both of you tried to catch your breath.Â
You could feel tears brimming your eyes again when the realization hit you.Â
This was the last time.Â
And you needed to leave.Â
As soon as possible.
And thatâs exactly what heâs afraid of, afraid of you leaving, forever.Â
You are quick to shake your thoughts off, quickly getting up to get dressed.Â
âDonât,â He mutters, itâs barely audible.Â
You turn to him with a quizzed look. âPlease⊠Just, please donât leave.â He begs, itâs the last sight you expect, and the last thing you expect to hear.Â
And it should feel so fucking satisfying, to know heâs wrapped around your finger, to know he is practically pleading for you. But it doesnât, it feels so fucking sentimental, and you hate it.Â
âYou knew.â You muttered, putting on the clothes you so carelessly discarded.Â
âYou wanted this to be the last time.â You whispered, not daring to look at him.
âI lied,â He was quick to reply.Â
âEddieâŠâ You heaved a sigh.
âPlease, just fucking listen to me for once.â He breathed; youâre sure youâve never heard him this determined.Â
âIâm a fucking idiot, and Iâm the biggest coward in the whole fucking universe, okay?â You turn around to meet his gaze, itâs pitiful and heavy with guilt, and you wish you never cared about him.
You wish you could just throw your feelings away and leave him behind.Â
âI donât deserve you!â He exclaimed, causing you to roll your eyes.Â
âStop⊠just stop with the bullshit of making me pity youââ You replied angrily.
But he doesnât let you finish.Â
âLook, Y/N. I want that with you, I want something real with you⊠Shitâmore than anything.âÂ
You chuckled, baffled. âToo fucking late for that.â You replied coldly.Â
âIâit doesnât have to be!â He spoke, grasping at straws to get you to give him one more chance.
Just one more fucking chance.
âWhat good will it do?â You whispered.
âYou know what I realized?â You asked, putting on your shirt as Eddie gazed at you with need.Â
âWeâre both so beyond fucked up that...â You squeezed your eyes shut.
âUsââ You pointed toward the two of you. âWe would never work!â You spat.
âIâm the last fucking girl for a relationship, and youâre the last fucking guy for a relationship.âÂ
âThatâs why it would be perfect!â He tried to reason, but you shook your head.
âNoâno, it wouldnât! Weâd eat each other alive!â You exclaimed, but Eddie refused.Â
âSo?â He shrugged.
âSo? Weâd just fight all the time! You really want a relationship that hard?â
âWhen did you become so fucking afraid to take a risk? A little challenge?â You narrowed your eyes.
He read you like a fucking book. You knew you werenât afraid of a challenge.
You were afraid of getting hurt.
You were afraid of being more attached to him than you already were.
You were afraid of him running out once you decided to fully commit.
You knew it wasnât all him; you were messed up in your own fucking way. Avoiding everything that felt too real was your specialty, because youâd rather be aching now than in the near future when he broke your heart again.
If you didnât leave now, you never could.
âGoodbye, Eddie.â You muttered, shutting out whatever he was saying as you closed the door.Â
Eddie sat on the bed, alone with himself, and his mind that was spinning with thoughts and his own voice telling him that he fucked up.Â
He chucked his jacket to the ground as he rubbed his hands along his face in frustration.Â
He had truly done it this time, he had lost you.
Forever.
But did he have to?Â
Did he need to be a fucking coward again?Â
Why would he give up this fucking fast when he didnât tell you how he even felt?Â
Eddie got up in a hurry, sprinting toward the party like a man possessed, spinning around each girl he saw in the hopes that it might be you.Â
âHave you seen, Y/N?â He asked, and the blonde girl pointed toward the porch.Â
He muttered a quick âThanksâ as he slipped through the bodies in his way as fast as he could, making his way onto the porch with anticipation, eyes glistening the second he spotted you.Â
You were sat on the cold wooden floor with your face buried into your hands, quiet sniffling was all Eddie heard. And he felt it againâthat familiar acheâthe same ache he felt the past month, when he couldnât see you, talk to you, or know how you were doing. It returned instantly when he heard your sobs.Â
âHey⊠heyâŠâ He murmured, causing you to jump as you turned to him with swollen eyes and your mascara was quick to run down your cheeks.Â
âYouâre gonna get cold, honey. Letâs get you up, yea?â He had never been this fucking caring, nor did he ever pine after you this much; he always held back, no matter what storms brewed in his mind.Â
He extended his arm for you to take, but you glared at him coldly. âWhat are you doing here, Eddie?âÂ
âI need to talk to you.â He said.Â
âJesus fucking Christ.â You muttered, âHow many times do I have to tell you that I donât want toââ Your rant was interrupted by his pleas.
âPleaseâjust donât say anything and just listen, please.â You sighed.Â
âPlease, Y/N.âÂ
âFine.â You crossed your arms against your chest, your eyes still glistening with tears.
He inched closer to you. âThese thirty fucking days Iâve spent away from you⊠Itâs been torture, Y/N.â He shook his head.Â
âYouâyou have no fucking idea the things I did... The things Iâve tried to forget about us... Forget you.â His voice almost cracked, distress overtaking his features. He was sincere, so fucking honest that it was starting to make you afraid.
You couldnât decide if it was him or the chilly breeze that sent shivers down your spine. âAnd no matter what I did, I still found myself itching for you. A part of me that I couldnât fucking kill craved for you⊠to see you, to call you.âÂ
Youâd never seen him like this before.
Eddie was always guarded, all fun and teasing. Always turning serious shit into jokes.
And this was real. The only thing you wanted from him, the only thing you begged that he made a mockery of. The hypocrisy was appalling to you.
You opened your mouth, your brows had already furrowed, and he could tell you were going to curse him out, so he didnât let you.
âI know⊠Iâm a fucking hypocrite, I get it.â He whispered, and your eyes almost widened.
How the fuck did he read you that easily?
âAnd Iâm so fucking sorry for everything I said.â He ran his hands through his curls, almost tugging them out for being an idiot.
âI was afraid, okay?â He heaved a sigh, hand ruffling through his messy hair.
You didnât want to ask him what he was afraid of because you knewâbecause you were afraid of the same thing.
Your lips trembled with need; no words dared to come out of them.Â
âI was so fucking scared because I did the first thing we promised not to do.â He squeezed his eyes shut. You knew how bad he was with his feelings; you couldnât even believe that he had made it this far.
âI thinkâNo, I know.â He shook his head.
âI really fell for you.â He was ripping open your chest now, holding your heart out. Telling you he felt the same. A gasping, quiet noise escaped your lips; this was all you wantedâneeded.
Youâve been this close to Eddie countless times before; hell, he probably fucked you at a much closer distance countless times before, but this was intimate.Â
âAnd I realized... I could lose everything in this fucked up world.â He took a deep breath, his face so close to yours that you could sense it. Sense every emotion radiating from his bodyâthe vulnerability, the pain.Â
Each beat of your heart was like a drumroll against your chest; everything you longed for was there, a breath away from you.
âBut not you. Oh god, not you.â His brows knitted together in a painful expression, and his voice was barely audible as he looked at you with a gaze that held you as the center of his universe.
You wanted to kiss him; you wanted his soft lips to graze against yours; you wanted to sob into him, melt into him, and become complete with him.Â
âWâwhat are you saying?â You asked, and you knew the answer, but you needed that confirmation, you needed those three words to leave his lips.
âI love you.â He said without hesitation, and you couldnât help the childish grin that formed on your face, mirroring Eddieâs.Â
âIâYou do?â You stuttered.
âYeah⊠I love you so fucking much that itâs embarrassing, really.â He chuckled, still not able to comprehend your expressions; you looked⊠frozen.Â
âYou, uh, you donât have to say it back.â He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, all of this was so fucking new to him. What was he supposed to do now? Kiss you? No, no, no... He couldnât do that because you didnât say it back.Â
âIâm sorry, shit, uhmâI honestly have no fucking clue what Iâm doing,â He stuttered.Â
You gave him a warm smile. âIâd say you are doing well,â You whispered, scrunching your nose.Â
âYeah?â He returned the smileâthat goddamn smile that brought out his dimples.Â
God, you wanted to kiss him.Â
âYouâre making it so hard for me to leave.â You muttered, turning around to take a breath as you shook your head.
Eddie sighed, hands quick to find yours as he turned you to face him. âThen donât leave. Stay.â
His past words didnât matter, and how your relationship started didnât matter. None of it mattered now because Eddie was ready, ready to give himself fully to you. And he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered.
It was now or never. You heaved a sigh of breath as you looked into his eyes; you couldnât help yourself. How could you not utter those words back to him?
âJesusâŠWhen I told Robin that I was ready to fall in love again, I didnât mean with you.â
You barely gave him any time to process your words as you smashed your lips with his.
It was as if passion was dripping from every move; it felt so fucking different to have this many emotions carrying your actions.
Before you could further it, taste him fully, Eddie pulled back slightly. You whined at the loss of contact. âWait, wait, wait.â The words slipped past his lips quickly, eyes widening at your words.
âYouâyou? You areâŠ?â He asked, baffled. He didnât expect you to say it back.
He expected you to hate him forever. The thought of someone loving him was unfamiliar to him, especially to the extent that you did. Healing his fears without realizing it.
Your lips quirked into a smile. Why was he so idiotically cute?
You nodded, affirming him.
âSay it, please,â He pleaded, hands gentle as they cupped your cheeks. The look he gave you was mellow and your face tilted as you melted into his tender touch.
âI love you,â You muttered, eyes glinting with all the unspoken feelings youâve been containing.
âAgain.â A grin overtook his lips, and his widened eyes didnât falter, shock and pure bliss apparent was written all over his face.
âPlease,â He implored, brows softening each time you gave him that pretty smile.
âSoooo needy.â You narrowed your eyes jokingly.
âI love you,â You repeated, your gaze lingering on his honey-glazed eyes.
âArenât you a fucking dream?â You giggled, the dimples on his left cheek were pretty, he was so pretty.
âI love you more, honey.â He whispered, smashing his soft lips against yours.
And you invite him in to patch up the wounds he made, to give you the world, to love you fully; knowing that the blind faith transcended into something real, something worth worshiping.
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson smut#eddie munson angst#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson x you#fuckboy!eddie munson#fuckboy!eddie munson imagine#eddie munson#modern!eddie munson
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I See You, Darling
[Astarion x reader] The idea never left my mind, and I so very badly need this right now. Heavily inspired by this cutscene where Tav chooses a dialogue option and Astarion's eyes just deviate-- (gif above, just wait for his eyes to look at you WKDKWKDK) |Word count: 2k.| Based off of this post I made.
Part 2 here!!
Also, this is more heavy on the world building rather than dialogue. If I end up making this a series, I might write with more dialogue in mind but it was just necessary to do this first afhjaqfbnjkafbnebn--
A story in which an overworked art student longs for a fictional character that they've devoted so much of their time to.
Alternatively; Astarion realizes there's someone else watching him. And he can't wait to get acquainted with them.
âââââââââââàŒșàŒ»âââââââââââ
One.
Two.
Three.
It takes you three seconds to comprehend what just happened. Three seconds for you to try and save the progress youâve already made so far. Three seconds for you to feel the chill of dread run up your spine.Â
Youâll admit, perhaps you were simply tired. Attending a prestigious school for the arts doesnât exactly leave you with much free time to indulge in more calming forms of recreation. Your course requires you to consume a wide array of media to expand your library of creativity, after all. All in the name of generating more interesting media to entrance and enthrall your audience with your original work.Â
Maybe all the moving pictures and swimming texts have caused you to greatly misunderstand what you are seeing. Surely, your favorite character isnât looking directly at you, right?
Right?
But before that, letâs review what might have happened earlier to explain just what exactly in gods name is happening.
Shall we?
ââ
You purchased the game a few months back. âBaldurâs Gate 3.â A game that took the players and immersed them in the world of Dungeons & Dragons, introducing them to the mechanics of tabletop RPG as they did. It seemed interesting enough. And if the concept of character creation and storytelling didnât sell you on the idea of it, the pretty faces on the cover certainly did.
So, with the little money you could spare from your part time job at your own institutionâs library, and with what little sanity you had left to argue with, you impulsively bought said game. And it was fun. Exhilarating. Electrifying.Â
Until you ran into a problem.
Astarion. The rogue, elven vampire that you have chosen to romance after careful deliberation. You scoffed to yourself. He was one of the biggest reasons why you purchased the blasted game at all. Youâve carefully studied the character in all his glory, from his striking carmine eyes and delicate unstained curls, to his aptitude for bloodshed and all manners of gore. He was such an interesting character, giving you more and more reason to pursue him as the story progressed. Yet the same canât be said about your relationship with him. Or at least your âTavâsâ relationship with him.Â
Youâve had some difficulty in deepening your relationship with the ex-magistrate. It seemed as if no matter what options you chose, no matter what manner of advances you made, heâd be quick to dismiss you. Painting you as a desperate little pup as he did. Denying you the opportunity of further knowing him. Youâve created and overwritten more save slots than you'd like to admit, perusing each one to select different lines of dialogue only to be rejected time and time again.
You thought it strange. But perhaps this was simply the way his route was meant to unfold. He was such an incredibly complex character after all. Perhaps this was meant to prove the partyâs loyalty.Â
But that didnât stop you from being frustrated with other aspects of the gameplay. You've spent countless nights hunched on your work chair, back curving like a dead bug as you analyzed each and every possible outcome in combat. Eyes, bloodshot from cutting your sleeping hours short, just to endure the story until you were at an appropriate place to log out. And hair, flicking and curling out in different directions due to you weaving your hands through them in exasperation.Â
You saw your reflection on your screen as it darkened to load the next scene and you couldn't help but stare at your character in slight envy. You know full well that however you designed them, it wouldnât affect how the others perceived you, and yet you couldnât help but pretty them up for your own interest. You designed it with yourself in mind, but making them far more attractive than you would ever be. Effortlessly beautiful as they stirred to wake up in the forest you settled in for camp.
How could Astarion ever turn this beautiful being away? If not for their heroism, then surely their looks would be enough to draw him in, no?
And speak of the devil. Once you could control your character again, you readied them to interact with your sharply dressed companion. Wanting to try your luck once more as the bright sun shone upon your character like a promise of a new day. Unfortunately, youâre greeted with a look of boredom, oh so familiar, that you sigh. âI hope youâre not here to begââ Mocking him, echoing the words youâve come to expect with faux mirth in your voice. But you cut yourself short when you realize he has yet to say anything.Â
Strange.
 Whatâs even stranger is that he's just staring at you. Well,--- heâs staring at Tav. Your character.
âWhat the fuckâŠ?â You move your mouse around, clicking to try and toggle the dialogue options to no avail, screen stuck in a cinematic close up of his face. Much like how the camera always pans when awaiting your response.Â
However, unlike the common script of his actions that youâre used to, the one that youâve memorized like a well practiced dance, his eyes smoothly glide off of your character and onto you.Â
You freeze, but your heart doesnât. The beating of your chest growing stronger the longer he looks at you. Eyes, blood red like rubies, boring into your own. He regards you, blinks, and then smiles that deviously charming smile of his before your screen turns dark. Your computer turns off, and you stare in shock of what just happened.
âNo fucking way, no fucking way, no fucking wayââ Youâre not delusional, right? Sure, youâre tired, but no fucking way did you just imagine one of the hottest characters youâve seen in a while break the fourth wall just to fuck with you.
You laugh to yourself.
Yes, youâre just tired. Nothing like a good four hours of sleep canât remedy. Although, as you get up from your chair, foolish as it may seem, you grab a used shirt from your floor, and hang it on your computer in the case that those piercing eyes come to life once again while you sleep.
ââ
You stir awake after your short slumber. Your body, heavy like lead, though not at all a feeling foreign to you. You think about what happened last night, wondering if it was all a dream. Yet as you get ready for the day, you notice your dirtied clothing still on your computer. Covering it as if it were a petrifying doll from a horror movie. You feel childish for doing so, reasoning that you were simply stressed from the events that taken place prior and removed the cloth.
As you did, your screen was brought back to life. Showing you the next night as if your little "tryst" with Astarion never happened. An entire thirty minutes or so of progress seemingly gone. Thankfully, you saved just before your game went haywire and you attempted to load up your last slot.Â
Zzzt Zzzzt!
Alas, your game was not cooperating once again. You tried the save just before that and the same error screen presented itself to you. âMaybe this is a sign that I should just fucking work instead.â Irritated at the thought, you moved to log out of the game but a familiar voice convinces you otherwise as the screen returns to normal.Â
âWhy, hello pup. How was your awfully short slumber?âÂ
âIs thisâ a romance scene?!â Astarion had never initiated an interaction before! Perhaps the game gods were granting you mercy. Or maybe, something you did last night might have given way for this line of dialogue to open up. Regardless, you happily took the opportunity and began reading your choices.
âWhy, hello pup. How was your awfully short slumber?â âââââââàŒșàŒ»âââââââ
Well. Thank you.
Itâs none of your concern, fangs.
Better now that youâre here.
What happened last night?
âââââââàŒșàŒ»âââââââ
WhatâŠdid happen last night? You donât recall anything past the blackening of your screen, but it looks like you did something after that which caused this dialogue.
You donât want to squander this opportunity, who knows when this will happen again, but your curiosity gets the best of you. So you save, and choose option 4.Â
âOh, you poor thing. Spooked you, did I?â He laughs, seemingly taking in the look of confusion that graces both yours and Tavâs face.
âWhat do you think happened last night?â
âMy fucking game crashed.â You answer automatically.
Tav moves to open their mouth but is silenced with a tut. âNot you, spawn.â His eyes crinkle at the corners in amusement, but the way his mouth is pulled in a tightly-lipped smile offers you further insight otherwise.Â
âI need your answer.â His eyes are on you yet again, and you feel the world begin to spin.
ââ
You stir awake after your short slumber. Your body, heavy like lead, though not at all a feeling foreign to you. You think about what happened last night, wondering if it was all a dream. Yet as you plan to get ready for the day, you notice youâre not exactly in a state to do so. You expected to wake at dawn, the dark and cool air to greet you as it fills your room and envelops your walls. Instead, you wake to see an endless amount of evergreen and the smell of the dark and damp grass beneath you filling your senses.
And if spending hours, weeks, months, of playing this damned game has taught you anything, you know that you now reside in the heart of the forest that you usually set up camp in. But this time, you're far from your bedroll and the fire that your party created.
One.
Two.
Three.
It takes you three seconds to comprehend what just happened. Three seconds for you to try and save the progress youâve already made so far to no avail. Three seconds for you to feel the chill of dread run up your spine.Â
And this chill so does love playing games.
You clamber away on your knees when you hear that deep chuckle of his emanate from right beside your ear. Creating as much distance to inspect this figure youâve yet to face.
You see Astarion in all his vampiric glory. âWell, for a vampire spawn, I guess.â You comment to yourself. Crimson eyes, darker than you imagined, with full, dark lashes contrasting his pallid skin and pure hair that glow under the moonlight. An unsettling, and cursedly attractive, smirk curls onto his lips. His ivory fangs on full display as he does.
âIt seems as if those useless artifacts were worth something.â He marvels at his handiwork, his prize, and approaches it with confidence.Â
âWell, your character certainly is more âprettied up.ââ He circles you, carefully appraising his newest asset, and grins. âBut you are far more intriguing.â
A simple, âWhat the fuck?â is all you can muster.
âAlthough, you are very cute. Cheeky little pup, arenât you?â He jests.
A simple, âWhat the fuck?â is all you can muster which earns you a click of his tongue in response.
âYouâre not broken, are you? Or am I to anticipate your little âwhat the fuck?âs as your only contribution?â Long, and incredibly masculine, fingers crawl and curl to grasp your chin like a spider.Â
âIâve waited months to have you. And now here you are, finally within my grasp.â The statement causes something to stir within you.
âWhat do you mean, âmonths?âÂ
He narrows his eyes, possibly trying to comprehend your stupidity.
âIâve been watching you. Waiting, for the right moment. Interacting with thisâ caricature of yourself until you could deny yourself of me no more.â Blood rushes to your head. Your cheeks burning in embarrassment for seeming overly eager. And in panic as his intentions have yet to be cleared.
âAnd now that Iâm here? Do you want to kill me?â You feel your heartbeat in your ears, awaiting his response. Your eyes wide in fear, yet trying to fake heroic bravado in the attempts to gain the upperhand.
And in this moment, he thinks you absolutely invigorating.
âOh no, sweet pet. Iâve waited far too long for that. Iâm going to make you mine.â
âââââââââââàŒșàŒ»âââââââââââ
Should I make this into a series? "The adventures of a misplaced artist in Baldur's Gate!!" Or something like that. Let me know, lol
#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion ancunin#astarion x you#astarion x mc#aware!astarion#to be continued#or maybe not lol#I haven't written anything in so long#and for good reason#baldur's gate 3 x reader#bg3 x reader
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My magnum opus, the jewel of my Binderary round-up, the result of four months of hard work (that is to say, a lot of force applied over distance), the project affectionately known as The Motherfuckers (because it was rather unclear if I was going to finish these books or if they were going to be the end of me).
Force over Distance by cleanwhiteroom. It is currently also on AO3.
I was first introduced to this incredible story by a dear friend, who first sold me on actually watching SGU, and then said that they remember this fic since like 2011, which is always a promising sign. I went digging and found out I was in luck - the story was being rewritten and reuploaded on the author's blog. The next two weeks are described by the same friend as "one of the scariest moments in our cohabitation" as I'd spent literally every waking moment injecting the story directly into my eyeballs, and let me tell you, I'd not been doing a lot of sleeping at that time.
Then I gathered up my courage and reached out to CWR re: my burning desire to bind this story. And the rest, well. Let's dig into it, shall we?
This was my first time typesetting 540k words. Considering I tend to prefer larger font sizes for increased legibility, it was immediately obvious that this was going to be a multivolume project. I settled on three, as it's the relationship between three individuals that forms the core of the story.
I also knew I wanted to keep the typeset in black and white, but play around with light and dark a lot. So I did. One of the first design idea I actually had was the way I wanted to handle projected speech. Mental link between Young, Rush and Destiny is THE most vital part of the story, and I wanted to make it immediatly obvious. I also wanted to be able to take one glance at the page and tell how much of the action is actually just two guys staring each other down :) Hence the blackout effect of thoughts being represented as light over darkness.
I also wanted to preserve as much of my reading experience as possible. So I saved all the chapter quotes/summaries in the TOC, and hid the chapter content warnings in the frame of the gate that marks the beginning of each chapter. For most of the chapter the warnings stay the same, so after a while you stop really noticing them, but then you open a new chapter and see that the familiar shape of the words has changed, and get this UH-OH feeling. Which, I think is very much how it works in my design, because when the warnings change there's usually another line of text added.
For flashbacks and dream sequences I switched from italics to a lighter shade of gray. I woudn't say it's more legible per say, but it's in keeping with the overall light/dark theme.
There are instances of people using handwritten notes in the story. I collected more than a dozen of assorted handwriting fonts, with each character having their own "handwriting". So when, for example, someone begins writing in someone else's hand, you immediately know it.
The most insane, labor-intensive part of the typeset, however, was the way I decided to handle the Ancient translations. CWR's gone through the trouble of setting up hover-to-discover for it, which gives you a very different reading experience than, say, having the translations in the endnotes. So, naturally, I said to myself that I want to replicate that, and footnotes just won't do the trick. So. Every instance of Ancient in the text has an underlay of light gray Ancient script. And an OVERLAY of paper vellum with the translation printed in blue. Now, not to toot my own horn too much, but if looks SICK AS FUCK. You also MAYBE SHOULD NOT LIVE LIKE THIS. For the two copies of this work I had to cut up 10 sheets of vellum into strips, and then spent from 20 minutes to an hour per volume tipping the strips in their proper places. I then had to wear kinetic tape on both my hands to help with the joint pain. (It was worth it.)
Now for the title spread. It is also paper vellum that you see as soon as you turn the first page (the half-title), and see it covering the title of the book and author's name. And then you turn it. And the shields sing the matter wave of Destiny through the black. And yeah, I think that's very, very clever of me, actually.
Then, of course, were the endpapers. All 12 of them are unique abstract paintings done on black cardstock by hand with brush pens and correction tape, I scanned a sample of each set for posterity. All of them are my interpretations of characters' midscapes. For volume 1 I went with the fire wind of Rush's thoughts. Volume 2 was for Young, and I went for the reverse blackout poetry effect (because for all the mental talking they do, the unprojected thoughts are opaque to their counterparts) and all the loops, hairpins and blocks he does. Volume 3 is for the combination - Rush's fire wind, changing its color to match the circuitry pattern of Destiny's AI.
The rest, in comparison, is easy. All volumes are stitched with 3 strands of embroidery floss, a combination of black, blue and silvery-gray. The French double-core endbands are sewn in the same color scheme (though with a different shade of blue and gray switched for white for added contrast). The edges are painted and splattered to look like space.
The covers feature my (signature at this point, I guess) half-cloth river pattern, with the base being dark blue linen and the printed parts being Spitzer telescope images of the W51 star forge, Jack-O'-Lantern Nebula and the Eagle Nebula (courtesy of NASA), waxed by hand for added sheen. The spines are foiled in silver with a foil quill.
Each set is 5 pound of solid hand-crafted book, with one set being my personal copy, and the other sent as a gift to the author.
And that's it, folks! This has been an incredible project to work on, and I'm very proud of what I achieved with it.
#mythril thread books#bookbinding#ficbinding#fanbinding#binderary2024#stargate universe#sgu#force over distance#stargate
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Monitored Activity
The email had come from IT right at the beginning of the workday with the subject line "Attn HR. Problematic Monitored Activity."
Dear Miss Villanova, In accordance with company policy, we are writing to inform you that employee Joseph Ulish was found to be acting in violation of the company's internet usage policies during our last audit of online activity. We are attaching evidence for your review and action. Thank you, Martin Shore, IT Dept. Head
Lily gave a long sigh. It was the first time an employee had been caught looking at porn on company time, though it was certainly bound to happen eventually. She took a breath and gave herself a little hope. Who knows. Maybe it wasn't porn at all. Maybe Joe was on poker stars or he was shit talking the company on social media.
But as she opened the attached list of websites, she knew that those hopes were false ones.
Sixty-two websites were enumerated and organized by the date of first access. Accompanying the list was a breakdown of how many times each site had been visited and how long he had spent there. Lily whistled softly to her empty office. With these kind of numbers, it was a miracle Joe had gotten any work done. At the very least, he should be getting fired for theft of time.
She opened the first site and was shocked to see only text. Only a glance would tell you that it was almost certainly smut, but still. If he was going to try to get away with porn at work, text was certainly the most effective method for staying under the radar. And what exactly was "erotic mind control?" Out of curiosity, Lily found herself reading the whole way through the story. She wasn't too prudish to admit to herself that he might have been onto something here. Certainly not appropriate for work! But this was certainly⊠having an effect, shall we say. Perhaps there was some unidentified fetishes still hiding in that brain of hers.
Site number two was actual porn. Just straight up pornography videos. She closed it quickly, lingering just long enough to catch sight of a few choice body parts. She was human after all.
Sites three through eighteen were all social media pages once again dedicated to this mind control stuff. It seemed there were an impossible number of sub-genre's to this already incredibly niche thing. Lily was fascinated. The pages were stories and videos and audio notes. Most fascinating were the pages seemingly dedicated entirely to flashing gifs and spinning graphics. She found herself scrolling through them slower and slower.
She never noticed when her left hand had left her keyboard.
More porn. More smut. More porn. More spirals. More spirals. More spirals.
By the time Lily reached the fiftieth website, her pants were around her ankles. She didn't know how many times she'd brought herself to completion. Her eyes were glassy and unblinking. The words in the stories and the images and comics burned into her psyche. And oh. The spirals.
The spirals.
She wished she could stop and stare at each one forever. But she had a job to do. She had a list to complete. Link sixty-two opened to a website that Joseph had accessed just this morning before she'd arrived. The site was a full screen spiral. Black and white with streaks of red and blue that made it seem more real than reality. And in the middle there was a button that simply read "Submit?"
She clicked it immediately. The button disappeared, leaving her staring at the spiral alone. She had no more work to do. The list was complete. She could just stay like this forever.
The door to her office opened and Joseph entered, followed by Martin.
"I'm so happy you were the one who got to review my file, Miss Villanova," Joseph said. He snapped his fingers and Martin locked the office door and began to undress. "Martin here was the first to comb through my activities. He did just a good job cataloging everything, don't you think? He had to look so long and so close to compile that report. He was shooting his first load before he'd finished reading that first story, weren't you?"
"Yes, Master," Martin said dully as the pair approached.
"He tastes quite nice, Lily," Joseph said right in her ear as she helplessly masturbated to the spiral. "You'll see."
Thanks for reading! If you are a fan of my work, consider buying me a coffee. Any contribution is insanely appreciated. đ
#tidal story#male dom#male sub#female sub#office trance#serial recruitment#brainwashing#hypno fantasy#hypno toy#hypnok1nk#hypnosis#hypnosub#hypnotic#mind conditioning
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Kaleidoscope | Spencer Agnew x Reader
Summary: You and Spencer dated for a few years in college, however, to live out your dream you move from LA to New York. You end up breaking up with him and are heartbroken. Fast forward to a few years later, you start working for Smosh and reunite with him again. Will you guys reconnect an old love?
A/n: Hi this is one of my first fanfics that Iâve written! Thereâs been a Spencer drought in fanfics on here so I decided to hop on and see if I can write something. Itâs my first time writing for him so please let me know how I did and if you would like more! (If anyone even reads this đđ)
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
8 Years prior
âSpencer I donât know if I can do this anymore.â Your voice was heard through the phone. You heard Spencer sigh. âWhat?â You felt tears coming down your face, not that Spencer could see.
You took a deep breath, âitâs just so hard-.â You stopped yourself trying to hold back a sob. âWe barely have time to talk, weâre both so busy a-and itâs just been getting too much between us and work.â You stuttered out.
You could hear Spencer crying on the other line. âSo weâre just done?â He asked, his voice full of anger.
A sigh left your lips not knowing what to do. âSpencer weâre in different states all the way across the country from one another. We donât have time for each other anymore. I thought that this would work but-.â You stopped yourself, not knowing what else to say.
Spencer let out a shaky breath as he spoke up. âFine if you donât want to try anymore and give up on three years of us, then do it.â
You started to let out your cries as you tried speaking. âNo Spencer itâs not that! I love you so much I-.â And then the line went dead.
All you heard was a beep, knowing that he had hung up the phone. You tried calling him back, the call going straight to voicemail. You tried a few times until a text popped up. âWeâre done.â Was all the message that Spencer had sent. You finally let yourself break, the tears falling freely. You guys were done and nothing could change that, you had just hoped that you made the right decision.
Present time
You heard your name being called and stood up to grab your coffee order. You bid them a thank you as you walked to the office. Today was your first day working for Smosh and you couldnât have been more excited. About a month ago you had auditioned for them seeing that they had an opening. You thought itâd be perfect since you were moving back to LA and you had been a Smosh fan for a few years. Hearing back from them saying they thought you would fit in felt like a dream. You had applied to be both cast and crew, being able to edit some videos and be apart of the videos as well. Walking up to the office you took a deep breath and headed inside, ready for your first day.
Once you stepped inside, you headed to the office to start with introductions first. Reaching the office you ran into Selina who couldnât be more excited to show you around.
âHey y/n! So glad to see you again.â She said. âWeâre going to start with introductions first just to get things situated and then weâll show you where youâll be working at.â You smiled at her joyfulness, âSounds great, I canât wait to meet everyone!â You said.
After meeting with Ian and Anthony of course, Selina took you to meet the rest of the cast and crew. Since they were about to start filming for a TNTL, she thought itâd be a great idea to be able to introduce you to more people. As you both stepped in you noticed how bright the set was, you could feel the excitement bubbling in you on being able to work here.
Selina grabbed everyoneâs attention to let you have your introduction. From watching Smosh before, you had known who most of the cast were. You saw Courtney, Shayne, Angela, Amanda, Tommy, Chanse, and Arasha. You gave everyone a huge smile while introducing yourself. âItâs so nice to meet everyone! Iâm y/n and Iâll be in a few videos with you guys as well as being able to edit them.â
Everyone had smiled at you and properly introduced themselves to you as well. Arasha was finishing her introduction when you heard the door open. âThere he is! Heâs barely becoming a cast member just like you too.â You heard Shayne say. As you went to turn around to introduce yourself, you heard Shayne say his name. âY/n this is Spencer, Spencer this is y/n!â At that moment you were fully turned around to him.
You saw him, he looked the same from the last time you had seen him, only with a little more of a stubble now and older. You could see all the years youâve been apart show in his face. You couldnât remember in the moment just how long it had been, you just stood in shock as your eyes met Spencerâs.
Spencer looked down at you, shock in his face along with guilt and anger. âY/n?â Was all he could say.
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
A/n: I hope this turned out good! Let me know if yâall would want me to continue this. :)) Also Iâm naming this kaleidoscope after Chappell Roanâs song âkaleidoscope.â I donât know if that makes senseâŠ
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HER | part four.
â§â synopsis: wonwoo, a heartbroken and burnt out writer nearing the end of his math degree, wants nothing to do with the seemingly perfect, intimidating girl who has everyone under her thumb. you. unfortunately, his literary talent has got him shoved him between a rock and a hard place when you want to write a book and require his expertise. you two are the furthest from compatible. wonwoo canât see this going well. at all.
pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader word count: 22.5k genres/tropes:Â writer!wonwoo, university!au, plug!vernon + boyfriend!mingyu as prominent side characters, SLOWBURN (i am not fucking around this is my slowest burn yet), relationship drama, soul searching, strong angst/hurt (iâm coming for the jugular), comfort, romance, smut, a smoothie of every emotion on earth.
(!) warnings: drug use (weed, cocaine, ecstasy), wonwoo has anxiety + anxiety attacks + fairly dark thoughts, prescribed medication, gambling, intense language, infidelity, throwing up.
â§â a/n: just some quick things i want to make apparent!
the fic is told from wonwooâs pov, not the readerâs!Â
all major timeline events are organized through chronological dates
any smut or potentially triggering scenes are NOT MARKED bc the content is already quite mature, so just plz be aware of that!Â
bolded and italicized text implies the characters are conversing in korean, tho it doesnât happen often!
the fic in its entirety is 140k, so it has been split into 6 parts.
here we goo. part four :o i can't believe it's already the fourth part!! i guess the last chapter ended on somewhat of a cliffhanger so may this quench your curiosity! but, beyond that...
this part has a punch of its own... dotdotdot...
âąÂ part one | part two | part three | part five | part six âą soundtrack for those curious! âąÂ read at ur own pace! :)
Wonwoo was lucky to discover an empty, spare guest bedroom down an off-shooting hallway for you two to refuge in while the volcano settled upstairs. Furthermore, he was grateful that you had relaxed enough to be released from his straightjacket arms, and even more grateful the room was quiet. The confrontation had shot his nerves. His hands were still trembling. As you took a seat on the bed, Wonwoo moved toward the window and stared into his darkly silhouetted reflection, taking paced breaths until everything stopped pressing down on him. Heâd already had his fair share of stalling fights between Vernon and other drunks at the downtown bars.
He had never anticipated stopping you from a fight.Â
âFuck, I feel like absolute shitâŠâ you groaned, and when Wonwoo turned around, he saw you crunched up, fingers digging at your hair while you sat at the very edge of the primly dressed bed.
âShould I get you anything?â He asked in a soft voice, coming over to crouch down in front of you. âDo you want some water?â
You wouldnât look at him, instead staring into your knees that were bent and flush against your chest. For a moment, there was nothing said, until you sniffed that very distinctive sniffle of someone whoâd just snorted a line. Rubbing at your nose, you nodded.
âPlease?â
âYeah, âcourse. Iâll be right back, okay?â
Wonwoo didnât know where to get water, though he did remember the bottle dropped at the bottom of the staircase. He practically ran to grab it. Coming back into the spare room, Wonwoo clicked the door shut as quietly as possible and joined you at the bed.
âHere,â he offered, uncapping it for you.
You sipped from it eagerly, gulp after gulp, then wiping off your lips when it became too cumbersome to swallow.
He took the bottle back, capping it again and throwing it somewhere random on the bed. Wonwoo could see with concern that you werenât entirely thereâjaded, from the drinking and smoking and intaking a dangerous substance you probably shouldnât have. Your face appeared so hazy, disconnected, as though you were staring off into a warm light buried in the distance that only presented itself to you.
âThat was a lot, wasnât it?â Wonwoo sighed into the dark room, rolling up his sleeves, unsure of what he should do or even say.
You sniffled again, and shook your head. âI feel sick.â
âI know, Iâm sorry... what do you want to do?â
Breathing out heavily at the small amount of labour it required to look backward at the bed, you nodded. âI want to lie down.â
âOkay,â Wonwoo said, feeling relieved, âthatâs a good idea.â
You smiled at him, though it was misted over and a bit loopy.Â
He watched you lean down, fiddling with the tiny buckle belonging to the right heel strapped over your foot. Afraid you might hit the floor like a flour sac if you stayed hunched over for too long, he instantly squatted down to help you, gently nudging your hand away.
âIâll take them off for you,â Wonwoo reassured, loosening the buckle enough to slide the expensive, black heel from your foot, doing so with the utmost delicacy, akin to sorting fine china.
Just before he removed the other heel, Wonwoo caught you staring down at him with a particular admiration behind those glassed eyes that made his entire chest become swollen. He tried to ignore the feeling, no matter how elated it made him on the inside.
âThank you.â
âUh, no problem,â Wonwoo answered, standing up and gesturing to the bed, âdo you think youâll take a nap?â
â⊠I donât know.â
âThatâs okay⊠should I get Princess to come stay with you? Or, I can always get Mingyu, too. Whatever you think is best.â
You were still looking back at the guest bed, unresponsive, and Wonwoo had wondered if you even heard him speak. The moonlight that cascaded in from the windows patched an intricate shadow overtop the quilt, and you started spreading your hand across it, as though you could pick up the silhouette and move it.
And then you glanced at Wonwoo again, smiled slightly. âWould you lay down with me⊠if I asked you?â
He immediately cleared his throat, âuh, lay down with you?â
âMmhm,â you nodded, âI need your company. Please?â
He clenched his fist tight, an index nail carving along the cuticle of his scarred thumb. Logically, Wonwoo should leaveâhe should march back upstairs and go search for Mingyu or Princess to help nurse you through your brain fog. Realistically, however, Wonwoo wasn't going to do any such thing. Realistically, Wonwoo was very high, and very delirious, and completely at your beckon.
Kicking off his sneakers, Wonwoo crawled onto the guest bed alongside you. He breathed out a sigh of comfort as his back was perfectly cushioned by the supple pillows organized against the headboard. If he thought about it for too longârelaxing on a strangerâs bed in a strangerâs home at two or three in morning beside a girl whoâd just snorted coke upstairs in the attic and nearly leapt on her friend in a fightâhis head would start to ache. So, Wonwoo didnât think about it. He let everything happen as it naturally desired to.
You tucked yourself close against Wonwoo, closer than what was appropriate for two people who were presumably friends, stretching your leg across his waist and latching it over his hip, an arm around his wide chest, your head settled cozily underneath his chin.
He couldn't care less about the morality.
Especially when he wriggled his arm beneath you, his knuckles coming to stroke up and down your bare, soft back, feeling along the subtle groove of your spine with every lulling, especially tender caress. Truly, Wonwoo didnât know why he cared so remarkably little about how wrong it was to touch you and hold you. Maybe it was your shallow and warm breathing that kept tickling his neck, or the weight of your leg against his pelvisâyou as a whole seemed to smudge his rationalityâhis own personal drug.
âCan you please tell me a story?â
âHm?â Wonwoo murmured, stilling his fingertips at the top of your shoulder blade. âTell you a story? Whyâs that?â
âBecause, my head hurts. And I want a distraction.â You then poked your face up from his neck, staring at Wonwoo through the clouds in your eyes, sounding sleepy enough to lose consciousness. âAnd I love the sound of your voice, and how it makes me feel.â
He proceeded to rub something off your chin with a few brushes from his thumb, and nodded, tucking your head back down.
âOkay⊠let me think for a second...â
âWaitââ you suddenly mumbled, awkwardly reaching behind you for his hand rested against your shoulders, ââI liked when you were going up and down. It felt good. Please, can you do some more?â
âYeah, sorry. I just stopped to think,â Wonwoo hummed with an amused smile, continuing to stroke his knuckles and hearing the heavy sigh you breathed aloud. Â
He thought a few moments longer for a story that he could tell you; something interesting, but not too detailed.
âIâve got one.â
He made a rumbling noise in his throat to clear it, staring off at the dresser mirror opposite to the bed, where Wonwoo could just decipher that vague, silvery thread outlining your entangled bodies.
âWhen I was around eleven, twelve years old, my family used to go to this waterpark every summer, like an hour car ride from our house. My brother and I made up this game. We called it lifeguard, or, like, swimming attendant. Basically, you play dead in the water, and whoeverâs the attendant has to save you. Anyway, it was a pretty stupid fucking game to play at a water park as you can imagine. But when we got there, the lifeguard wasnât in his chair. So, like, my brother, trying to be cool or funny, thought it would be a good idea to sit in the chair himself. I had to pretend to drown.
The problem with that, thoughâthe actual life guard was coming back. He sees me pretending to drown, thinks Iâm actually drowningâI donât know, I guess I was selling it super wellâand he dives right into the water, pulls me out and everything, lies me across the cement all surgical like. Iâm so fucking embarrassed, my brotherâs ran off somewhereâI just go along with it while everyoneâs watching, knowing damn fucking well Iâm a sham. My momâs panicking. She didn't realize it was part of some idiotic game we made up. I hated my brother for a week straight. Iâve refused to swim ever since.â
There was a chuckle against his neck, and Wonwoo felt your body vibrate with a soft fit of laughter. He hadnât recalled that story in years, though it dusted off the latent anger toward his older brother that he had never quit holding. Nonetheless, it was still rewarding to tell you. That water park was once his most cherished place to visit, admittedly during a much different period in his life, when the only thing he worried over was whether or not theyâd have his favourite ice cream flavour or if he might miss that gigantic bucket full of freezing water that dropped every half-hour.
âIâm sorry that happenedâŠâ you mumbled against his neck, your breath akin to a sweeping feather, âbut itâs a bit funny.â
âNo, I know,â Wonwoo agreed, grazing his hand low to the base of your back, âI can laugh at it now... even if Iâm still mad.â
âCan I ask you something, please?â
âSure.â
âI just want to know⊠when did you move here? Did you come here for university? Or, was it before that? And, like⊠did your family come with you? Did you move alone? Iâm just curiousâŠâ
âSo, I spent two years at a university in Korea, for something different than what Iâm doing now. It was accounting stuffââ
âOh, more boring.â
âYeah,â Wonwoo laughed, reaching his hand underneath the warm plump of your thigh to adjust it more comfortably against his hip, âI actually agree with you. It was boring, and I was⊠to put it lightly, miserable. Very, very miserable. So, I dropped it, had a really long and excruciating conversation with my brother about the whole thingâwhat I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. I have an uncle that lives out here. Not close to our school. Heâs hours away. But I figured, Iâm old enough. I need, justâI need a fucking change. Iâll move out, stay with him, find my footing. And, uh, I ended up here.â
You smiled against his skin, lips practically pressed at his neck, and then you exhaled, pulling a shiver along the length of his spine.
âHm⊠Iâm glad you made that choice.â
Wonwooâs fingers fleshed deeper against the underside of your thigh as he sighed into the still bedroom air, thinking back to the pressure, the bickering between himself and his parents, the desire to at last pull the pin and take a risk, even if said risk was going to crash and humiliatingly burn at his feet. In a way, it had. But with you, his reward was building back up again. It wasnât all fruitless.
âMe too.â
"Thanks for sharing that with me,â you murmured, snuggling impossibly closer into his body and breathing him in like the sweet, baked scent of pastries fresh from a hot oven, or the airy honeysuckle outside on a summerâs day. âI like knowing about you.â
For once, Wonwoo wasnât scared that you knew.
Maybe he should be scared. He wasnât being cautious enough, instead pouring more soul into his heart than his logic. But thenâwhy did it feel so good in that moment? Something he was terrified of had flipped on its head and turned into a real, tangible happiness. He continued to lay with you in the silence. The ceiling was full of shadows that he studied to keep himself awake while his thumb rubbed easy circles into your thigh. Your body was giving him heat.
If no one ever opened that door, Wonwoo wouldnât complain.
He could lay there until the earth caved in.
âWonwoo?â
âMm?â
âI want to try getting up now.â
Rubbing the heel of his palm against his eye, he massaged away the desire for sleep that had finally managed to catch up to him.
âYeah?â
âYes.â
âOkayââ he began slowly pushing himself upward, helping you in the process with an arm at your waist, ââIâll grab your shoes.â
âThank you.â
Nonetheless, he knew you couldnât stay cocooned against him forever, even if he wanted it more than his next breath. It felt awfully vapid to lose your warmth. The air around him was so much colder, like an icy metal. Wonwoo had nearly stumbled over his sneakers as he searched around the end of the bed, prompting him to squat down and shove his shoes back on. Next, he collected your lacquered, expensive high heels, which had practically blended into the darkness if not for the moonlight raining through the windows.
You were sat at the edge of the blankets, waiting for him.
âHow do you feel? Better?â Wonwoo asked while crouching at your knees and fishing up the right heel first.
âMy head still hurts a little. But I think Iâll be fine,â you admitted, allowing Wonwoo to softly touch at the back of your ankle as he helped guide your foot through the black loop. âItâs likeâI can feel it a lot more now. Iâm getting that weird, dreamy sensation, right before it really hits. And my mouth is kinda dry.â
âHm,â Wonwoo hummed, now helping to fasten on the other heel, âIâm sure thereâs more water upstairs. Is that too tight?â
You wriggled your toes and rolled your foot.
âNo, itâs perfect. Thank you so much.â
âShould we try standing?â
Wonwoo straightened back up, reaching out his hand for you to grab. Carefully, you intertwined your fingers with his, and then he accepted some of your weight as he gave you a supportive tug. At first, you wobbled, but Wonwoo was right there to steady you.
You complained about the dizziness, but after a few more steps it had gotten better, and Wonwoo let go of your hand.
âOhâuh,â he gently grasped your elbow, âbefore you leaveââ
Lifting up your arms, you watched rather cluelessly while Wonwoo pinched at the fabric of the very short, white skirt and tugged it further down your thighs, covering the sensitive areas where it had ridden up when you were stretched out against him. A hand latched into his shoulder for balance, and you sighed out gratefully.
âFuck, thank you.â
âYouâre welcome.â
âPlease donât tell me if you saw my underwear.â
He laughed, âI wonât.â
A manicured finger scratched your cheek.
â⊠Theyâre pink⊠with hearts.â
Wonwoo stayed quiet, but then he couldnât fight his smile.
â⊠I know. Cute.â
You seemed flustered at the offhanded comment, which came as a surprise to Wonwoo, because he truthfully didnât believe muchâif anything at allâcould fluster you. The phone in his back pocket buzzed with a text message and Wonwoo assumed it was Vernon asking him about where heâd gone. It was best to go back up to attic and reunite with your friends rather than dwell in the guest bedroom for an eternity. Though, Wonwoo didnât want to leave at all.
âUh, Wonwoo? Can you please wait one second?â
As you two paused at the door, his hand fell off the knob.
âEverything okay?â
Uncharacteristically, you fumbled with your fingers, tugging at the joints like they were disconnectable. He tilted his head at you, curious, and when your eyes locked with his he bit back a dumb facial expression at how wide your pupils had dilated, like an ocean abyss.
âUm, so, that girl Seokmin was talking about earlier? Sarah Gomez?â Sarah? He knew you meant Sierra, though he didnât bother correcting the mistake. âI chatted to Vernon about it. He said she likes you and was flirting and... well, like, I-I have no issue if you⊠if you like her and want to do something, andââ you took in a really big, long breath that felt like a reach for self-comfort, ââjust, if you two want to start hanging out, if you can still make time for our writing.â
Wonwoo stared at you for a second, blinking vacantly.
â⊠Oh, you thinkâno, Her. Itâs not anything. Itâs nothing."
âNothing?â
âYeah, nothing. I promise.â
And it was exactly that. Wonwoo would neverâcould never feel anything even half as strong as the yearning he felt for you. It was something unmeasurable, something bigger than the universe, and yet, it fit into the core of his own chest like a dense and heated star compacting in on itself. Despite being so numbed by heartbreak, and years of a growing apathy, and all that disappointment he harboured toward himself, Wonwoo had sensed each and every time you thawed him out. Youâa light, and yet a cold, awakening breeze.
The girl he was in love with.
Stupidly and utterly in love with.
Your shoulders began to sink as you relaxed at his remark.
Wonwoo shook his head. âSheâs nice. But Iâve talked to her once, and that was tonight, for like, two minutes at most.â
âReally?â
âMmhm.â
âOh, okay. Sorry. I justâI didnât want you to think that I hated it, or that I was going to jump her âcause of what happened upstairs⊠I donât want to talk about what happened upstairs, actually, but thatâs not whatâanyway. Sorry. And, uh, thank you⊠for being there for me. I didnât mean to ruin your night.â
âNo, no. Nothing is ruined,â Wonwoo reassured you, picking up your hand and giving it a squeeze. âIâm having fun. Itâs all a lot but⊠Iâm enjoying it. Iâm always going to be here for you, alright?â
You smiled at him. It was oddly shy, but Wonwoo loved it.
âSo, if you want to head back up, Iâll join you soon enough," he said. "Iâm gonna attempt to find a washroom in this place.â
âThereâs one by the staircase. Clara and Bells used it.â
He kissed his teeth as you giggled at him.
â⊠Oh. Right.â
After you disappeared back upstairs to the attic, Wonwoo locked himself in the washroom for a moment of quiet. He checked his phone, realizing the timeâ3amâin addition to the horribly spelt text messages from Vernon, saying that Mingyu had taken Bells on a walk outside to calm her down. He sighed, signing off on the texts with a thumbs up. The night was only getting louder. Wonwoo didnât know how much longer he could survive or who he would even call upon to get a ride home. Everyone was plastered or buzzed.
He had no desire to sleep here overnight, though if push came to shove, Seungcheol would likely have guest bedrooms to spare.
Turning on the sink faucet, Wonwoo set his glasses aside and cupped a handful of cold water against his face. It was a shock at first, yet it felt so refreshing, and Wonwoo couldnât help but splash some more water until he felt the drops begin uncomfortably running down to his elbows and nudged the tap back off. Once patting dry his cheeks and forehead with a towel folded through a rung secured into the wall, Wonwoo proceeded to sit down on the tiled floor.
Readjusting the glasses back to his face, he stared across the dimly lit room at the half-opened shower curtain and its patterned seashells. For a second, he didnât move at all. But then Wonwoo was getting up, walking over to the curtain and yanking it fully open. He returned to his initial position, sitting against the wall, and started counting all the different seashells. They werenât organized in rows like the yellow rubber ducks from his auntâs shower curtain back in Changwonâthey were miscellaneously placed, spotted more than organized, and Wonwoo counted all the shells at least three times.
âThirty-two,â he whispered to himself.
Deep within his pocket, Wonwooâs phone buzzed again.
[ Vernon | 3:09 am ]: h ey glasses where tf are yoi?
He decided to text his friend back, though he knew Vernon was most likely off his face and wouldnât notice for another hour.
[ Wonwoo | 3:09 am ]: Washroom. Be up in a few.
To his surprise, Vernonâs little typing bubble immediately appeared. Wonwoo developed a sick, squirmy feeling in his stomach for some reason, only to watch the bubble abruptly disappear and not return. Godâhe hoped the boy hadnât fucking fallen out the window or slipped off the billiard table in his inebriation.
Setting his phone down on the tiles beside him, Wonwoo raked his fingers through his hair and sighed aloud again. He didnât care much about messing up the very particular way heâd brushed and swooped it. Instead, Wonwoo thought about you.
He was just with you, and yet he missed you.
Unsure of when the feeling had ever started, Wonwoo began to recognize the ache for you some time agoâand like a little kitchen light in a prairie house that never burnt out, seen across meadows and rivers, even through the darkest nightsâWonwoo had felt the ache ever since. He thought it would die away quietly. It hadnât. It wouldnât. He thought that love would never again step foot inside the house that was his heart. But it had. And it was the little light.
His phone vibrated.
Wonwoo glanced down at the illuminated screen, skimming over the jumbled, misspelt words to Vernonâs text with little regard, thinking nothing of it other than how sky high his friend was.
Another text. He scooped the phone up, grumbling to himself.
[ Vernon | 3:12 am ]: yo I dont mean t be weird buthahha Iâm not gbnna lie u shud come upsrairds of u wanna see it
[ Vernon | 3:13 am ]: acyaully donât lol
Wonwoo had not a fucking clue what Vernon was rambling about and was half-considering it to be all hallucinations. Maybe another fight had broken out. Maybe you were dancing on the table and had kicked over someoneâs drink. There was a small cherry pit of curiosity in his stomach, though Wonwoo wasnât ready to get up. He sat on the washroom floor for another ten minutes or so, deciding that he would go back upstairs, pitch his goodbyes, and book an Uber.
It had been fun, tiring, enlightening even.
But Wonwoo had no energy left to give.
After playing with his hair in the mirror and smoothing out the pieces heâd disheveled, Wonwoo at last pulled open the door and emerged back into the warm corridor, the music still soaring underneath his feet. He began making his way upstairs and back to the attic space. There were at least ten new people to fill the smoky room, none of whom Wonwoo recognized, though he assumed most were Seungcheol or Mingyuâs friends. Vernon was seated on the couch, his arm sunk around a girlâs shouldersâthe girl that had almost bumped into him when leaving the kitchen hours ago.
Someone had cranked the music loud enough to rumble the speakers sitting on the desk. Wonwoo could hardly decipher a single word that came from Vernonâs mouth, forcing him to lean further down as he grasped onto his friendâs hand and announced his leave.
âAwe, youâre headinâ out?!â Vernon shouted into his ear.
âHave to,â Wonwoo replied, âmy brainâs gonna pop.â
Vernon slapped his shoulder. "All goodâhey, thanks for even cominâ along, yâknow? Stay safe. Text me when you get home.â
âYeah, will do. Uh, you seen Princess or Seungcheol?â He asked by Vernonâs head. âIâd be nice to see them before I leave.â
âNo fuckinâ clue where they went, to be honest!â Vernon answered, leaning back with a shrug. âOh! Fuck!â Heâd suddenly latched onto Wonwooâs arm. âDude, you missed it. But if youâre lookinâ for Herâno luck. Sheâs uh, a little busy right now.â
âHm?â Wonwoo mumbled. âI canât fucking hear.â
Vernon proceeded to jerk his friend closer, breath fanning hot against Wonwooâs ear. He turned frozen solid as he intently listened.
âHerâshe came back upstairs, high as a fuckinâ kite. Mingyu came back up right after. I donât know what happened, but, like, within a few minutes, they were on each other, man. I got scaredâthought they were gonna start fuckinâ on the table. But, nah, Mingyu took her to the bedroom down the hall. We all scurried down and listened for a sec. Holy shitâshe had to be gettinâ poundedâlike, mustâve been face down ass up, fuckinâ, gettinâ her guts rearranged or some shit. They were both so out of their minds. It was insane, yâknow. Youâre not gonna see her for a good while.â Vernon then sat back with a hopeless, husky laugh. âMine as well shoot her a fuckinâ text and hope she can still read when Gyuâs done with her!â
For a second, Wonwoo didnât believe him. Not at all. He thought it was a jokeâstaring at his friend, waiting for his face to break like sundried clay, not caring whatsoever that the girl tucked against his side was clearly annoyed at their conversation and waiting for Wonwoo to leave. It was all a stupid joke and Wonwoo wanted to hear Vernon say it. And then, he would punch him for it.
âFunny,â he chuckled.
But Vernon merely shrugged, folding an ankle over his knee. âHey, Glasses. Dunno what to tell âya! Sâall true. I saw it. So Did Seungcheol nâ Princess. Go down there! Listen for yourself!â
Wonwoo shook his head, beginning to laugh. âGo fuck yourself.â
âJeez! Iâm just tellinâ you the truth!â
âAnd you expect me to believe that?â Wonwoo shouted overtop the bass, smiling, even though he was feeling more and more enraged under the surface. âYouâre high as a kite, too, yeah?â
âI saw it, man!â
âYeah. Actuallyâgo fuck yourself. Night.â
Vernon stretched out a hand, attempting to catch Wonwoo by the elbow as he brushed past him, yelling something that was drowned to the humid, loud atmosphere. Wonwoo still believed it was a jokeâa very awful, incredibly distasteful joke that he would probably ignore Vernon over for at least a few days. Wonwoo knew he wasnât your boyfriend. He knew you most likely didnât reciprocate the all the same feelings with as much passion as him. But you wouldnât do that. You wouldnât discard him after heâd been so vulnerable.
He came to the corridor and gazed along the hallway.
Go down there. Listen for yourself.
Vernonâs words wriggled in a bold font to the forefront of his mind, even when he wanted to squeeze them out. But Wonwoo was exhausted, and now highly annoyed, and he knew the last thing he should do is excavate a truth that would be better off buried.
The thing wasâWonwoo had to know.
It was excruciating to not know.
And so, he walked up to each door, lightly attempting the handle or pressing his ear to the wood. He found nothing, and the relief that opened up and flowed throughout his body was equivalent to the freshest breath of air. Wonwoo was about to text Vernon that his stupid stunt had failed when he heard itâthat suspicious, croaked sound which prompted his fingers to stop dead in their typing tracks.
He stared into the door, focusing hard.
No, it was the music. It had been playing all night, anyway.
But then there was a thump. Once, twice, three times.
Wonwoo shoved his ear back against the crack in the threshold, one hand coming to rest ever so softly on the brass handle.
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
Muting even his breath in case it interfered with or somehow warped the noise, he listened longer, his stomach twisting in knots.
âFuck! Mingyu!â
There was ice in his veins. All the blood froze so quickly. It was cold enough to turn his skin to frost but Wonwoo kept listening.
âIf I fuck you any harder, Iâll break this fuckinâ bed, sweetheart. Is that what you want, huh? Tell me, baby. Are you that much of a slut for me? Hm? Are you that much of a whiny slut?â
âY-Yes, Gyu! Mân-nothingâff-fuckâ!â
âAnswer me or Iâll stop!â
âNoânononoâmâsuch a slut for you! Such a whiny l-little... Fuck! Mmmâc-canât take it, Gyu! Sâtoo much!â
âMove your fuckinâ hand! Take it, just like you asked for. If youâre gonna act like such a slut then fuckinâ take what I give you!â
Wonwoo couldnât bear to hear a second longer. He knew it was your voice, your skin, your breath, your pleasure. It was entirely you at the rigid and exploitative hands of Mingyu. And Wonwoo felt sick. Something acidic surged up his throat in a stinging burn. With a hand latched over his mouth, Wonwoo raced toward the washroom, immediately locking himself inside before collapsing at the toilet and upheaving all the contents in his stomach. The nausea had never hit him so quickly before. His insides filled with even more dread.
But he wasnât actually sick.
It was merely the horrible, haunting anxiety that came with opening upâits effects reaping toxically into his flesh because it had all been thrown back in his face like a sloppy high school lunch tray. It was hearing the girl he positively loved moan and writhe and beg for another man who didnât care for her interests or thoughts or soul.
Heâd cut himself open for you, but it didnât seem to be enough.
âJUNE 16TH.
By the time Wonwoo woke up, it was five in the evening. His face was practically plasteredâno, moulded, into the pillowâwith a dried trace of drool streaked down his cheek. Wonwoo had never drooled before. The groan he released upon rolling from his stomach to his back was groggy and brittle, with his hand slapping cluelessly against the bedside table until he managed to grab hold of his black-framed glasses. He slid them on, and then wiggled further up the bed.
Before his irritable hunger, or the twisting of his full bladder, or the headache pulsing behind temples, Wonwoo felt a very gorged wound scissored into his heart. It was stinging raw, like sea salt from the ocean touching at an unbeknownst cut hidden somewhere sensitive on the body. Except, Wonwoo knew exactly where the cut was and how deep it ran and how much he was struggling to even breathe. He stumbled into the washroom, switched on the faucet, but Wonwoo couldnât even bring himself to stare into the mirror.
Instead, he crouched down to his haunches, hands shakily gripping at the edges of the stone-cold porcelain for stability while the water gushed above him. With his eyes pinched shut, Wonwoo focused hard on every breath he took, so hard that white smudges began blossoming against the pitch blackness of his eyelids. His mouth suddenly jutted open, and he inhaled the biggest breath he could manage, but it cracked somewhere in the middle and Wonwoo knew he was going to start sobbing.
Unable to hold the sink any longer, Wonwoo let go of its sharp edges and curled up tight on the floor, the tears sprouting unbridled and glossing to stain over the rouge of his cheeks. In his mind, it was the most pitiful sight. He thought he would have learned his lesson the first time about opening up and trusting another, yet, somehow, he was back in the same fucking place. He thought he was being cautious. Not cautious enough. He thought he was taking his time. Not enough time. Wonwoo never judged anything right.
âJUNE 17TH.
[ Vernon | 8:08 am ]: hey glasses
[ Vernon | 8:08 am ]: havenât heard from u since Friday
[ Vernon | 8:08 am ]: pls tell me u made it home alright
âŠ
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 11:30 am ]: Hey Wonwoo! Itâs Seungcheol (got ur number from Seokmin btw)
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 11:31 am ]: Really nice to meet you and glad you could make it out! Ur a super cool dude. Idk if you like pickup basketball but I always play on weekends at the uni B gym. If you ever want to come down or wtv let me know!
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 11:35 am ]: Princess says ur awesome
âŠ
[ Seokmin | 12:57 pm ]: Hey Won
[ Seokmin | 12:57 pm ]: Make it home alright?
[ Seokmin | 12:57 pm ]: It was nice to see you!!
âJUNE 18TH.
[ Vernon | 10:01 am ]: Seokmin and I r going mini-putting at that glow in the dark place I got fired from lol u in or nah?
[ Vernon | 10:25 am ]: helloooooooo? u there beautiful?
âŠ
[ Vernon | 3:45 pm ]: glasses are you fucking alive dude?
[ Seokmin | 3:50 pm ]: Everything okay? Did u get sick?
âJUNE 19TH.
[ Vernon | 7:13 am ]: okay haha itâs not funny anymore
[ Vernon | 7:13 am ]: wonwoo I swear if you donât fucking text me back in the next 12 hours Iâm breaking ur door down cuz wtf man im fuckin pissing my pants over here
âŠ
[ Her | 9:00 am ]: hey!!
[ Her | 9:00 am ]: I hope you made it home okay :) sorry I didnât text you. Iâve been sick as a dog omg but I feel better today
[ Her | 9:02 am ]: Iâm so glad u came even if it was a little tense or overwhelming at times lol. I loved seeing u there. donât quite rmbr everything that happened but Iâm sure it was fun
[ Her | 9:03 am ]: miss you a lot alrd
[ Her | 9:10 am ]: we still good to work on the book tmo?
Since he slept well into the afternoon, Wonwoo didnât notice any of the morning texts until much later, when he finally sat down at the dining table to slowly nibble a piece of strawberry jam toast. It wasnât that he was ignoring Vernon or Seokminâs texts, more so the fact he had been trying to stay off his phone altogether. It was just too much and he couldnât afford to worry about anyone else but himself, though, he supposed it might be time to answer poor Vernon.
Wonwoo had disregarded your textsâdidnât glance at them for longer than a millisecond or absorb one written word. At the moment, he didnât know where he stood with you. Saturday had been brutal, Sunday was stupendously worse, on Monday heâd called in sick because the thought of stepping one foot outside his apartment made him ghostly ill, and Tuesday, today, he was quite mopey, lethargic, and hardly contained enough energy to even feed himself.
But he still took another bite from his toast.
It was better than completely and utterly rotting.
[ Wonwoo | 1:42 pm ]: Sorry.
[ Wonwoo | 1:42 pm ]: Wasnât feeling the greatest.
[ Wonwoo | 1:42 pm ]: I promise Iâm alive.
He set the phone down beside his plate, continuing to tear at small sections of the toast to make it easier to eat. Wonwoo didnât bother replying to anyone else. If they were truly that concerned as to why he hadnât answeredâwhich he knew they werenâtâthen Vernon could disseminate whatever information he pleased.
Poking his glasses up with a pinky finger, Wonwoo saw his phone screen illuminate with a text from Vernon.
[ Vernon | 1:44 pm ]: jesus christ wonwoo
[ Vernon | 1:44 pm ]: donât scare me like that I legit thought something happened to u
[ Vernon | 1:44 pm ]: man check ur fucking texts lol
Wonwoo pushed the dish aside and picked up his phone.
[ Wonwoo | 1:45 pm ]: My bad.
[ Vernon | 1:45 pm ]: itâs ok
[ Vernon | 1:45 pm]: soz u got sick
[ Vernon | 1:46 pm ]: u feel any better?
NoâWonwoo had almost audibly laughed. He felt pulverised, like a piece of trembling jelly hardly able to walk. If he was lucky, he might be able to keep the toast down without his grief getting in the way and tormenting the nutrients back out of him. But it wasnât like his friend could do anything about it or make his nightmares end.
[ Wonwoo | 1:47 pm ]: Yeah, Iâm okay now.
You were rightâWonwoo really was a liar.
[ Vernon | 1:47 pm ]: good!
[ Vernon | 1:48 pm ]: yeah got pretty sick myself tbh
[ Vernon | 1:48 pm ]: next day was ass
[ Vernon | 1:48 pm ]: well uh if theres anything u need lemme kno im gonna b out today I could prob stop by whenever
After thumbing up the message, Wonwoo grabbed his plate, walked over to the sink, and tossed it in, hearing it crash into the stainless-steel emptiness. He didnât know what else he would do today. Probably nothing at all except lay in his bed and sleep.
[ Her | 7:00 pm ]: hey pls check ur messages <3
âŠ
[ Her | 8:09 pm ]: hey can u fucking check ur msgs
âŠ
[ Her | 10:15 pm ]: wonwoo this is embarrassing for me PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHECK UR MESSAGES!!
Hearing his phone ding for the third time that night, Wonwoo at last rolled over to drag the device aglow from the bedside table. As he lazily fixed the glasses over his face to squint across the fine print, his stomach dropped faster than the incline on a roller coaster. You were getting blatantly impatient with his lack of response.
The thing was, he always answered you. Even if he was in the middle of working, or blazed from his head to his toes, or half-asleep and hardly consciousâWonwoo would always make time to text you back because there was nothing more important in his life.
It wasnât that he was void of all desire to talk to youâit was that his body physically couldnât allow it. His fingers suddenly felt so stiff, like they were wooden, and his mind flashed blank with not a single word to spare. He was still devastated with you, and that was putting it fucking mildly. Breathing out all the conjured despair and pain through his nose, Wonwoo left the phone on his nightstand, rolling back over to his side in another attempt to sleep.
âJUNE 20TH.
[ Her | 8:02 am ]: wonwoo why arenât you answering me?
[ Her | 8:02 am ]: I was going to get rly mad at u and send a long nagging text or a voicemail but I feel like somethings wrong
[ Her | 8:10 am ]: weâre supposed to write today :(
[ Her | 8:35 am ]: Iâm starting to get worried ugh
âJUNE 21ST.
[ Her | 11:20 am ]: wonwoo can you please send me something so I know youâre okay? even just a thumbs up?
[ Her | 11:25 am ]: please
âJUNE 23RD.
[ Her | 9:30 pm ]: okay itâs basically been a week since the party and idk what to do. Iâm so fucking pissed off at you bc why canât you just answer me? Ik Iâm not blocked which leads me to think youâre not pissed at me? otherwise u would block me
[ Her | 9:31 pm ]: youâre reading my texts ik u are
[ Her | 9:34 pm ]: just why are you doing this I donât understand I feel like crying bc I donât know what I did or why youâre ignoring me?? if I did something can you please tell me I just hate this fucking guessing game and I hate you for putting me thru it
[ Her | 9:35 pm ]: fuck you honestly
[ Her | 10:36 pm ]: but I still miss you so much
[ New voice mail from Her | 10:58 pm ]
âJUNE 26TH.
Wonwoo felt the phone continuously buzz in his pocket for the third time that afternoonâhe was getting another call while at the pharmacy and at that point even his boss was beginning to take note. He hardly ever worked morning to afternoon shifts, but another staff member was sick and so Wonwoo was unfortunately hailed upon to take their place, though, he had realized it might be a good idea for him to experience the fresh, softer air against his face, which chiefly prompted him to accept. Even if he had thrown up his breakfast in the washroom just before his shift started, at least heâd tried to eat somethingâthawed out blueberry waffles with butter were still too much for his stomach. He should probably stick to toast.
As he stood behind the counter, marking down another bundle of vitamin bottles and their expiry dates from the clipboard, his boss was handing out prescriptions. Wonwoo was in the midst of a long, impossible-to-hide yawn when his phone started vibrating again, that stupid Sencha ringtone practically grating his ears.
âWonwoo,â his boss said, âI think you better answer that.â
âNo, itâs nothing. Iâll shut my phone off.â
Her reading glasses were poised at the tip of her nose as she typed some information into the computer, each click from the chunky keyboard notably slower than the last.
âWell,â she huffed, clearing her throat, âwhoever it is, that was their fourth time calling you⊠I do believe that warrants some attention. Now, if youâre sure itâs nothing at all, then Iâd rather you keep that phone in your locker, alright?â
He paused, staring down at the clipboard in his hands.
â⊠Can I take just five minutes?â
Glancing over the shoulder of her pristine white lab coat, his boss nodded, and Wonwoo left the clipboard sitting alongside the vitamin bottles. He slipped into the employee break room and out the heavy backdoor, stepping behind the building for the utmost privacy.
Wriggling out the phone from his pants pocket, Wonwoo stared at the four separate notifications, all spread out within the past hour. Vernon had been attempting to reach Wonwoo for whatever reason, though he didnât know what could possibly be so goddamn pressing that a text message wouldnât suffice. He didnât want to find out, either. But Wonwoo had already excused himself, and he didnât want to waste the precious five minutes heâd been anointed.
He dialed his friend back. The call was picked up instantly.
âVernon, what the fââ
âGlasses! Itâs about fuckinâ time you answered your stupid phone! Where the hell are you, anyway? Mars?!â His voice boomed through the staticky line like a boxerâs jab and Wonwoo immediately moved the device from his ear, taking a second to orient himself.
âIâm at work, dumbass. Use your fucking head.â
âWork?! Oh, give me a break. Work! Thatâs your excuse?!â
Letting his temple prop against the uncomfortable brick wall, Wonwoo rubbed at his nose, his eyes squeezing out the sunlight.
âJust tell me why youâre blowing up my phoneâŠâ
âHow about âcause I almost got mugged! Thatâs why!â
âWhaâmugged? Vernon, what? By who?â
âYour girlfriend, thatâs fuckinâ who!â
Wonwoo pushed off the wall using his shoulder, taking a few steps across the cigarette butt-littered walkway. He absolutely hated it beyond comprehension whenever Vernon referred to you as his girlfriendâeven more so nowâthough he was plagued by the thickest confusion and he needed Vernon to calm down in order to explain everything succinctly.
Taking a thorough breath, he stopped pacing.
âOkay, chill out, for just a second. And then talk to me. Because I donât have a clue what youâre yelling about. I told my boss Iâd be five minutes and Iâm wasting out the clock.â
âFuckâokay. So, I was gettinâ gas, alright? Mindinâ my own business when I see Her come outside the store. I thought, oh, hey, I know weâre probably not on the greatest terms yet but Iâll say hi.â He heard the boy cut himself off, and then laugh a bit, as though he were still reeling from the incident. âDude, the second she sees me, I think Iâm gonna die. She practically corners me at my Camry, like, askinâ me all this stuff: what happened to Wonwoo? Whereâs Wonwoo? Do you know whatâs goinâ on? Why isnât he talkinâ to me?â
At that point, Wonwoo had squatted down in the middle of the walkway, rubbing a hand dreadfully against his cheek. He didnât have a cigarette on him, but if he did, heâd be smoking it down to the pathetic nub. Vernon coughed and then started up his story again.
âI try to tell the chickâhey, Iâve got no fuckinâ clue! He told me he wasnât feelinâ well, we havenât spoken muchâlike, fuck if I know all the details to your goddamn life! She doesnât believe Iâm givinâ the full truth. I tell her again: look, heâs real private, he doesnât talk about much. If he is goinâ through somethinâ, just give him space and timeâblah, blah. She tells me Iâm a bad friend! Likeâwhat the fuck, first of all! A bad friend?! Sheâsâokay, anywayâ"
Wonwoo began to pull at some green sprigs of grass pushing up from between cracks in the cement, just to give his nervous, trembly fingers something to do. His heartbeat was climbing higher in his throat.
âShe thinks you hate her, o-or I donât know what she fuckinâ thinks, actually. What I do know is that she hates me ten times more than she did before, nâ that you need to get off your fuckinâ ass and talk to her! Do yâknow scary it is to have Her yellinâ at you?! I thought she was gonna light my hair on fire with the gas pump or some shit! Fuck. My heartâs like, still racinâ. And not to terrify you but she might stop by your place later todayââ
âWait, wait, wait,â he interrupted Vernon while shooting back to his feet, beginning to anxiously pace all over again, âyou think sheâll stop by my apartment? No, that canâtââ Wonwoo stumbled on a rock, then reared his foot to punt it hard across the cement, âI-I donât want to talk to her. I fucking canât. Itâs too much.â
âI donât know what to do about thatâŠâ Vernon sighed, followed by the distinctive spark of a lighter crackling in the background. âDidnât even know you were ignorinâ her⊠what happened, anyway? I mean, this shit seems real serious.â
The silence was so thinned but still unbearably long, and as Wonwoo listened to his friend ignite a blunt in order to mellow out, he felt that unmistakable pain twist at the pliable centre of his chest, like he was being carved into with a whittling tool.
Put simply, Wonwoo wasnât ready to see you, let alone have a civil conversation that could be separate from his bitter, hurt emotion. There was too much he needed to decide alone, and as the hot, stinging summer air around him became concerningly harder to breathe, Wonwoo had no other choice but to hang up on his friend and burst back into the employee washroom. Eventually, his boss had stopped by to knock on the door, to which Wonwoo answered with the most reluctant, pained, hoarse voice he could muster.
âS-Sorryâbe out soonâŠâ
â⊠Iâll give you a few more minutes,â she answered after a momentary pause, most likely realizing something was very wrong.
 But he couldnât hide it any better than that.
Wonwoo stepped inside the pottery shop, the bells overhead tinkling, and the attention of his landlord now piqued as she glanced up from the earth-coloured vase being washed by her paintbrush.
âBack from work?â She asked.
âYeahâŠâ he sighed, making his way toward the staircase, already reaching for the handrail, âcan hardly stand. Iâm exhausted.â
Sweeping some dried pieces of clay off her messy, weathered apron, she lent Wonwoo a sympathetic smile. âWell, rest up.â
He nodded at her.
Coming up to his apartment, Wonwoo was inexplicably relieved he hadnât run into you at any point. He clicked his lock shut with another sigh, a more distant one that arose from somewhere so dusty and cold inside his chest. Maybe Vernon was right, Wonwoo thought while kicking off his shoes. Maybe it would be best to get such an excruciating, uncomfortable conversation out of the way rather than ruminate over how awful it was bound to be.
He scrubbed his hands clean at the sink, then trudged into his bedroom to change from his pharmacy appropriate clothes.
But as he came to sit at the edge of his bed, thinking back to that nightâall the touches and tender glances and how foolishly he presumed it would be okay to open those clandestine, personal pages he always struggled to shareâWonwoo knew it was still too premature. If he were to speak with you now, nothing productive or relatively good would come from it. He leaned forward into his hands and raked them distraughtly through his hair, tugging against the black fronds until he worried about legitimately pulling them out.
You were obviously concerned and worriedâhe knew that, and part of him ached because it was due to his own ignorance.
It just couldnât happen yet.
Wonwoo was mad at you. He felt betrayed, disrespected, used. There was sadness, heavier than his body weight. So much emotion was blistering and alive inside of him with nowhere to go.
Collapsing backward, arms tossed beside his head, Wonwoo closed his eyes and hoped he might fall asleep deep enough in order to never wake up. That way, he would never have to face realityâhe would never have to stand in front of you and cough up some half-baked explanation that only served to protect himself.
Through the haze and mist of his bizarre dreams that whipped by akin to reels from old age movies, Wonwoo saw someone he didnât think would ever reappear in his subconscious againâJeanie.
He had no idea where he was, or what those disembodied figures were that shifted in the blurred distance. She was the only detail he could pinpoint. Wonwoo walked toward her, pushing through something invisible but notably thick, like molasses. He tried inconceivably hard to absorb the intricacies of her face, but when he stared for too long, her features would start moving, almost melting off her as though she was a wax figure in a sweltering auditorium.
Yet, he could hear something.
There were voices becoming louder in his ears, and the more intently he listened for them, the clearer Jeanieâs face became.
The girlâs hair was chin length, dark. Dark like timbre. Or very fine-grated flint. It looked soft to oneâs touch, if, in fact, one could possibly touch her without her shattering. I remember thinking that. The girl will shatter if I bump her, even if itâs an accidental thingâa gentle scraping sort of contact that wouldnât even disrupt a feather.
I remember her eyes, too. My brother owned a box of marbles when he was twelve years old. When I looked into the girlâs eyes, it was like I was eight again, staring over the discarded sewing tin that held my brotherâs smooth, large, galactic marbles he told me to never play with. I hated him for it. I think a part of me still does. But I donât feel that resentment when I look into her eyes. Rather I feel the mystery and curiosity I believed was permanently erased alongside my youth.
Then there were her lips, which were small but plump. They seemed almost stained. I thought an artist took a stroke of watery, blood red paint to her mouth. Itâs even hard to hear her when she speaks. I have to lean in so closely that my chest shrinks in on itself with coyness. I love it too much but I canât let the beautiful, quiet girl know.
Wonwoo knew every wordâhe could recite them endlessly, without a sweat or a hiccup. It was his own writing after all, from the book heâd attempted to write for her during their relationship. Finally, he could see Jeanie standing in front of him, at the edge of clarity. Close enough to embrace and kiss and beg so pathetically for forgiveness.
But Wonwoo was never given the chance.
The voices scattered in a mere instant, whisking away into the baby blue nothingness that engulfed him like a handful of sand grains on a windy beach. Instead, he heard knocking. It rattled his brain.
Knock, knock, knock, knock!
The atmosphere started to crumble. He was caught in that peculiar stretch of being half-asleep and half-awake, when itâs impossible to decipher reality from the reverie that doesnât quite want to let go just yet. Everything shuddered and swayed like a house on stilts.
âWonwoo! Open the fucking door! For fuckâs sake!â
And then, he was shooting up in bed, fast enough to prompt the dizziness that whorled the entire room into a confusing mélange of shapes and evening clementine colours. His heart was barraging against his chest, and Wonwoo had to settle a hand overtop the pulse to confirm with himself that the organ was still inside his body. As he wiped off the sweat that glistened by his temples, trying to mentally grasp the fading fragments from his dream, Wonwoo heard the knocking sound again. Louder. As though his door would cave in.
He knew it was you. You werenât going to leave, either, not unless someone had to drag you out the building by the ankles, or until you spoke to Wonwoo about his impromptu ghosting.
The thing was, Wonwoo was fucking pissed.
He was pissed that such a bittersweet dream had been ripped away from him like everything else in his lifeâmost often love and trustâand he was pissed that he never got any closure.
Wonwoo was just boiling over, tired of everything.
Knockknockknock!
Stumbling into the living room, Wonwoo approached the door that was currently receiving the abuse of a lifetime. His hand grazed the knob, though it was nothing akin to the first time heâd let you inside his apartment, so nervous, flustered, doubting himself. When he opened the door, Wonwoo opened it with an unwavering abruptness that presented you at the threshold, your closed fist left still in the air like you were a marionette frozen by your orchestrator.
With your mouth agape and soundless, Wonwoo wondered if you would even speak. The shock was slowly spreading throughout your face, adorned as usual with that picture perfect makeup.
But heâd assumed too quickly.
âJesus fucking Christ! So, you are alive!â
He stepped aside while you stormed into the apartment, and then he let the door swing shut, capturing the two of you in privacy.
You spun around to glare Wonwoo down.
âWhat the actual fuck is your problem?! Did you forget how to read?! Write?! Answer your fucking phone?! I mean, would it kill you, Wonwoo, to text me back? Even just one word? Or, is that too fucking difficult?! Itâs not like Iâm asking for a goddamn scripture!â
Since March, Wonwoo had known you. It was nearly July.
Never had he seen you like this before. Sure, there were times you had gotten angry and that short fuse inside would burst. It was always jarring, but you tended to regain composure within the next minute or so, shaking off the confining chrysalis of your rage.
This didnât seem so easy to shake off.
You were furious. Wonwoo watched you begin to pace the living room, your hands gesturing about wildly. There was practically a radiation that glowed from around you, red like singed charcoals.
âI canât believe the rollercoaster you have put me through this past week, you asshole! I mean, seriously! I've never been this baffled! At first, I just assumed you were sick! Becauseâwho wasnât sick after that night? But we had to write the next day, and you always get back to me, so when you didnât, my stomach started twisting up! I thought, something has to be wrongâWonwoo doesnât do this! He never stands me up! But I didnât want to pry, because you fucking hate when I pry, so I left it alone! I left it and then I still get nothing!â
A Rubikâs cube was sitting on the coffee table. For some reason, you snatched it up and started jamming at the panels while continuing to pace the living room. Your hands were fizzling firecrackers, surging with ample energy, needing a task to direct all that accumulated anger so the fingers wouldnât fly off your joints.
âBut I see Vernon getting gas! And, wow, everything is just so peachy for him! Life is so sweet and sugary for the local drug dealer who just milked hundreds of dollars out of some stupid rich kids and their latent drug addictions! And you know what I had to do? I had to back him up like a feral fucking cat just to wrangle some information about you! Because I thought maybe you were dead, or kidnapped, or you just suddenly hate me! I looked like such a psychopath!âÂ
You slammed the unsolved Rubikâs cube back onto the coffee table hard enough to dislodge a few pieces. They spotted his carpet like blood spatters. A tattered, deep breath was sucked up your nose.
âSo, here I fucking am, screaming my head off because I am so pissed at you, Wonwoo! I want an answer even if it kills me!â
The air was dead silent, and Wonwoo wanted to let the room breathe for just a minute at most. Every single word you had spewed was compressed into the spaces of his apartment and if he didnât give the atmosphere enough time to settle then his walls would undoubtedly burst. You refused to stare anywhere else but him. There was so much need and pain and agony behind those glassy eyes.
Wonwoo glanced down at his socked feet, swallowed hard, and then back at you. He had to speak. Nothing else would suffice.
â⊠Honestly⊠thereâs no answer I can give you that wonât hurt, or make you any less upset⊠I donât want to drag this out, either.â A subtle breath entered his mouth. âHer, we shouldnât do this anymoreâthe book. I donât want to help. You can finish it yourself.â
It was sharp, so meticulously sharpâa clean, smooth cut.
Though he was calm water on the outside, he felt a trembling behind his ribs. His heart was groveling with him to not be so cruel.
You laughed, titled your head. âWhat?â
âI canât continue to help you write.â
Again, the room was silent.
â⊠You⊠youâre⊠you what?â
Something wasnât connecting inside your brain. For some reason, you could not comprehend what Wonwoo was insisting. His patience was translucent and the longer he stood across from you in the living room, thinking about his interrupted dream and the vulnerability you stepped all over and the time he wastedâhe could only get angrier. His fingernail scraped over his thumb like a tooth.
You wiped something off your face and started to laugh again.
âGodâokay. ThereâsâIâm sorry but thereâs absolutely no way you just said that to me⊠I come here, sick to my fucking stomach, worried about you. Yes, Iâm mad butâI-I still care. And youâyouâre going toâfuck.â A hand then clasped over your mouth as you pointed your gaze to the shag carpet, and for a moment, Wonwoo couldnât decide if you were masking a laugh or a sob. âYouâre going to tell me that we should just⊠stop, in your words. Or, youâll stop, and I can keep trudging on. Am I hearing that right? Is that what you said?â
Wonwoo nodded.
He hadnât realized it, but heâd just detonated a bomb.
At first, there was not a single crease or wrinkle that ruptured your disturbingly placid face. But, surely enough, he was beginning to observe the slow, inevitable fracturing that started with a twitch in your upper lip, and then a wicked furrow pulling down your brow, and that irritable blinking of your eyes as though someone had just blown a cloud of dust into them. Wonwoo knew it was coming.
âFuck you.â
It was so spiteful, almost demonic.
âYou should go,â Wonwoo said, sighing.
Instead, your head rung back and forth.
âNo, actuallyââ you stepped toward him, fingers pinching at the thick, almost palpable air while your eyes fumed with every malevolent thought that burned inside you, ââfuck you, Wonwoo.â
He stared back at you, somehow unfaltering.
âListen, if you donâtââ
âIf I donât what?!â You screamed, your palms slamming against his chest and prompting him to stumble backward. âIf I donât leave, then fucking what?!â Even though it was just you shouting, it sounded like there were hundreds of anguished women behind each word.
Wonwoo felt the pin drop into his gut.
âYâknow what I think, Wonwoo?! I think this is just like that time at SRX, when you told me the same fucking thing! You just picked up all your shit and left! No explanation, no prelude, no nothing! Is that what gets you off? Huh? Treating everyone like theyâre pieces of scrap metal with no fucking emotion?! You can just do whatever you want! Doesnât matter! Who gives a fuck about whose feelings Iâm totally disregarding, whose time Iâm wasting. Iâm Wonwoo! I get to pull the plug on everybody because who cares!â
Your voice had employed a fake, mocking tone.
And while Wonwoo knew the better choice was to maintain his quiet, mature composure, it was much easier to disregard the guise altogetherâchuck it straight out the window like a browned banana peel because as much as heâd like to believe he was refined, evolved, and in control, Wonwoo hadnât ever been anything of the sort.
He shook his head at you.
âI disregard peopleâs feelings? Peopleâs time? Me?â
âYes, you!â
âThat is such bullshit.â
âOh, come the fuck on, Wonwoo! Donât be so damn deluded!â
âDo you even hear yourself? A single word that youâre fucking saying? I disregard peopleâs feelings? Well, what about you, then? Youâand, sorry if this puts a nick in the perfect, angelic image you have of yourselfâbut you just use people. And I donât want to be used anymore. Thereâs my fucking answer that you want so badly.â
You gagged at him, slack-mouthed down to the floor.
âI use people? Wonwoo, are you fucking insane?!â
âNo more than you.â
âHow?! Tell me how Iâve used you!â
He laughed at the demand, rubbing a hand across his scalp. âOh, come onâdonât make me spell it out for you, Her.â
âNo, please do! Please spell out in that scholar-kissed, prestigious vocabulary of yours how Iâve used you!â
Wonwoo paced over to the fireplace mantel, this light-headed, tingly sensation beginning to merge with his blood and flow to every crack and crevice of his body. He couldnât believe this was happening, but now that you two were shredding into each other, Wonwoo saw no point in sugar coating a damn thing. If you wanted the truth, then he would give you exactly thatâit mattered no less to him.
âThe book. How is that not obvious? I mean, for the last few months, thatâs all Iâve done. Is help you. You didnât even care about who I was before. You just wanted someone who could make your life easier and bend to all your whims at the drop of a hat. Iâm the one who has to put up with your obsessions and gripes and your crazy fucking mood swingsâI mean, do you even know how draining that shit is? You donât, because you care about you. You care about writing this masterpiece for Mingyuâwho, I should mentionâdoesnât give a fuck about you. But you know that, right? Youâre a smart girl, arenât you?
You know it when he treats you like a dumb object, belittles you in front of your friends, puts down and shows no support in your interestsâlike, really, Her? Thatâs who youâre in love with? Thatâs the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or do you just like him for his status? Is it because he pays for your coke and your clothes and your entire fucking life? And what about Seokmin? Your little puppy dog. Always so eager to do whatever you ask of him. He just does all the shit thatâs not worth your breath. So, instead of wasting your time, you waste his instead.
Bells and Clara? Why the fuck do you even keep them around? You treat them like they're insufferable. But you know they make you look betterâso much smarter, more organized, goal-drivenâtheyâre just the two annoying drunk girls that tag along because as much as you despise them you just canât deny how good they make you look. But thatâs what you do! You use everyone around you and no one ever says a fucking thing because youâre such a tyrant!â
Wonwoo was fully cognizant of how sadistic it all wasâthatâs what he intended. If every word was not going to lacerate or bite or sink so painfully deep into your tissue that it felt like a bony dagger, then there was no point in saying anything at all. You were across from him, vibrating like an excited atom, your fists clenched while every possible hue of rage spilt down the length of your hollow face.
Simple enoughâyouâd asked him to spell it out, and thatâs what heâd done. If could make it any clearer, he would. You then gulped, and there sounded a quiver to your voice that Wonwoo had never heard before. He stood tensely, awaiting your response.
âH-Hm, so⊠thatâs what you think of me?â The end of your question sharply pitched off. âThatâs your conclusion?â
âIt is,â Wonwoo answered, pressing up his glasses.
Rolling your shoulders and clearing your throat, you nodded, meanwhile you stared down at your hands which began to slowly unfurl. Wonwoo realized that your fingers were trembling like dry, autumn leaves in a soaring wind. Heâd never seen that before, ever.
âSo, actually, what I thinkââ you coughed, placing an elbow overtop your mouth to catch the spit, ââI think thatâŠâ
For a moment, Wonwoo thought it was over. Your voice was so quiet, hushed, with hardly an ounce of tenacity or grit. But he should have known better than to suspect you of being so spineless.
âWhat I think, Wonwoo, is that you love to write, and read, because the only person you can communicate with is yourself. You⊠you are so emotionally stunted that it should be fucking studied. That was the most Iâve ever heard you speak, and you used all of it to basically call me fake, manipulative, and shallow.â
âBecause you asked.â
âGod. You are so empty, Wonwoo. Youâre just a shell. You would rather exist inside your literary delusions than reality because there is nothing for you here. No real relationships, no real aspirations, nothing. And you know why that happened? You canât fucking talk about anything. Instead, you just hold it all insideâyou hold it and hold it until it starts seeping out and poisoning everyone around you. Itâs your own fucking fault, Wonwoo. You're gonna drive everyone away. And then have the audacity to somehow point the finger, like theyâre the one with the fucking problem. But itâs you.â Â
He could almost hear the clatter of the metal against the hardwood as you dragged out the metaphorical dagger. There was even a physical pain throbbing at his lower back, though, Wonwoo quickly began to accept the pain was aflame everywhere on his body.
Your lips were pressed together in a strict, firm line. If you opted to speak just one word more, then maybe the dam would break, and his apartment would transform into a sodden, soaked mess.
He watched your head begin to shake, and then you were swallowing down a gigantic, stinging lump. Of course, even at your most barren, emotionally exhausted self, you would get the last word.
âSo you can go fuck yourself.â
And Wonwoo was willing to let you have it.
He closed his door at the sound of your wrenched sob in the corridor. There wasnât much else for him to do other than click the lock shut, pick up the broken pieces from his Rubikâs cube, and walk back into his bedroom. Wonwoo whipped the curtains shut, crawled underneath the cold, thin covers that he stretched over his head.
In the isolating darkness, he slept.
Alone again.
âJULY 21ST.
It was some time in the evening.
A soft, nearly unsettling quietness engulfed the train station.
There was nothing even relatively stimulating that Wonwoo could do apart from aimless surfing through his phone, sparing the occasional glance toward the directory desk with its few uniformed clerks. A navy-blue suitcase was at his side, stuffed full of folded clothes and charging cables. As organized earlier in the year, Wonwoo had spent the week at his uncleâs houseâeven his older brother managed to stop by for a few days to celebrate Wonwooâs birthday.
For the most part, Wonwoo enjoyed his time there. The house was more like a cottage, situated on a fresh, small lake shaded over by the summer canopies of sycamore and evergreen trees. While he didnât dabble in any swimming, Wonwoo had liked stretching out on the webbed hammock down by the firepit, rocking himself back and forth using a long leg that he kept strewn over the edge.
He missed that peaceful feeling engendered by the lakeside wind and the rustling leavesâhow rejuvenating it all was to escape the monotonous hell that was his life back in the grey, stiff city.
Wonwoo clicked on his phone to check the time.
5:50 pm.
He would need to board his train soon.
Unfortunately, whether he liked it or not, Wonwoo had to go back and he had to pick up where heâd so painfully left off. No more pieces of refrigerated chocolate cake straight from the box or sitting outside on the maplewood patio to jingle a fake mouse at the paws of his uncleâs cat. No more packed joints beside the ebbing shoreline at midnight, or waking up to the most ethereal, golden light warming through the curtains as though the skies were made with honey.
Wonwoo sighed, plugging in the earbuds left dangling at his shirt collar. He scrolled through his music looking for a song to play.
Above all, it had nearly been a month since he last spoke to you.
Spoke wasnât even the right word. That day, Wonwoo had set out to ruin you, because he could not bring himself to steep in all that misery and vitriol alone, bearing its weight like he was made from pressurized diamond when in truthâhe was flaky and feeble.
The weeks that passed afterword were all blurred together. He talked to no one. Seldom saw anybody. Wonwoo had hardly existed.
A voicemail was still sitting in his inbox. You had sent it to him during a late night in June after the crazed party at Seungcheolâs family mansion, though Wonwoo never bothered listening to it because it was one of his biggest weaknessesâyour voiceâthe most beautiful sound in the world as you had once phrased to him back at the cafĂ© Wonwoo used to frequent. Then, heâd laughed it off, believing you were beyond full of yourself. Gradually, however, it became truth.
To hear you talk was to feel so in love that it physically ached.
âTrain to Lees Station will be arriving within the next five minutes. Please make your way to platform C for boarding.â
The announcement finished with a ding.
Wonwoo got to his feet and grabbed the suitcase handle, beginning to pull it behind him while following the small, silent crowd toward the elevator. It was finally time to go home. Although home didn't seem like much to him anymore, if not just an aimless place in a bleak city that had lost all its warmth.
10:48 pm.
Wonwoo couldnât sleep, or even take a nap.
When he would rest his head against the window, his eyes could only stay shut for no longer than a measly, frustrating minute. Heâd completely exhausted his playlists. By midnight, the train would stop at his station, anyway. There was nothing left for him to listen to⊠except that voicemail. It was an awful fucking idea, but Wonwoo hadnât been able to shake the temptation since it first crept into his memory all those hours ago.
Wonwoo didnât want to think about youânot until heâd stepped off that goddamn train and had fully left all remnants of his short summer vacation behind. When he was back amongst the ignorant city people, and those towering glass infrastructures, and the constant honking, beeping, and roaring of motorized vehicles, would he even probe the thought. Butâthen againâso much time had passed. So much time to regret, anguish, and loathe his actions.
â⊠So, umâI-I just want to say first and foremost how much you suck for doing this to me, actually. You⊠godâfuck, if I have to blow my nose one more time⊠you suck, Wonwoo! You justâyou fucking suck so much! You and your stupid privacy! I-Iâm not trying to invade your life o-or getâor pry into something I shouldnât beâI just want an answer, I want clarity, I want you toâI wantâI need you to be a fucking person and just talk to me so I donât hate myself! Because right now I feel like this is all my fucking fault!
⊠And it sucks because I donât even know who I can talk to about this. I want to talk to you. But I canât a-and⊠oh my god⊠we were supposed to write a couple days ago. At the park. I knew you werenât going to show up but I went there anyway. I tried so hard to put down a sentence. But I hated all of it. I looked back at everything Iâd written so far and I wanted to erase every single fucking word and blame you for it⊠f-fuck⊠Iâm running out of stupid fucking tissues⊠oh⊠whereâs the extra box?... Iâm such a wreck.
⊠And, um, oh my gosh. Yesterday, at the mall, I went shopping, and I saw this really cute shirt. It was so pretty. Um⊠dammit! Sorry, I just hit my elbow⊠that hurt, Jesus Christ⊠uhâright, so, I saw this shirt and it was so cute with little buttons on it. It was white and blue. A little bit of frills. I know you donât like frills but I promise it was just the right amount. A-And I have the perfect skirt to go with it. So, um, I put it on, and it fit really nice. I took a picture in the fitting room and I wanted to send it to you but youâre not talking to me right now. But, uh, I did buy it.
I was wearing it today. But then, like, the worst th-thing ever happened⊠um, it ripped. I ripped it. I donât even know how, I was just going through my closet and it caught on a broken hanger or something and then all I heard was a b-big rip⊠itâs totally ruined now. I donât know but I burst into tears. I was crying so hard and you were the first person I wanted to call but youâre not talking to me, a-andâfuck, I donât know what Iâm saying anymore⊠I justâIâm mad at you, Iâm so fucking mad but I still care andâplease, I miss you. I really, really miss you, Wonwoo. It hurts inside.
Iâm sorry this is so long⊠I think mâgonna stop talking because my sinuses are closing up and my throat is burning. Um, Iâll go n-now. Justâfuck you. Please text me or call be back. Please.â
The message blipped off.
For a moment, he was frozen solid, staring back at his reflection through the dark window at his shoulder. Iâm so fucking mad but I still care. Then, in an instant, Wonwoo had wished he never listened to the voicemail. He tore out his earbuds and bundled them up, shoving them into his pocket alongside his phone.
He was on the precipice of a horrifying change, but he didnât know exactly whatâjust that he was looking at something so smooth and grey and warmed up from the blistered sun.
He was looking at the rock.
âJULY 22ND.
By the time Wonwoo had returned to his apartment last night, he was dead tiredâa zombie, practicallyâscuffing his feet against the wooden flooring with his suitcase rolling behind. Face-planting upon the bed that hadnât felt the dip from his body weight in a week, he thought he would rest his drooping eyes and give himself a moment to settle. Except it wasnât just a moment, it was hours and hours of sleep that felt like a single second. When he woke up, his arm was completely numbed from being tucked under his cheek.
It had actually scared him. Wonwoo immediately shot up, staring down at the lifeless limb which he couldnât move an inch.
âFuckâŠâ he mumbled to himself hoarsely, squinting against the sunlight which blinded the bedroom. âHow long was I outâŠâ
Digging the latter hand into his pants pocket, he let the blood slowly tingle back into his other arm while checking the time on his phone. However, the device was dead. For all he knew, it was the year three-thousand and there would be flying cars and Blade Runner infomercials gleaming in the city smog. Once he was able to move his arm, Wonwoo slid off the bed and laid down his suitcase, beginning to zip open the compartment.
His charger was packed perfectly on top.
Letting his phone recharge on the bedside table, he returned to unpacking. His laptop, toothbrush, books, socks, pairs of underwear and oversized shirtsâhe stored everything back in its appropriate place, tossing the occasional article into his laundry hamper, until the suitcase was nearly emptied. The only item which remained inside was a small plastic bottle, translucent orange, baring a white prescription label with a few pills remaining side.
His venlafaxine.
Wonwoo had started taking the medication again, roughly a week after his fight with you. Upon completely losing his ability to sleep or eat or survive an entire day without crippling in on himself like the world was a sinkhole waiting for him to slip, Wonwoo came to the realization thatâwhat the fuckâhe didnât have to plainly suffer, and that all the time he spent ignoring the drug because he couldnât even value his life enough to swallow one tiny pill was a useless, cruel disregard for the body that tried so fucking hard to protect him.
Even when it didnât feel like it.
By the time Wonwoo ate breakfastâa simple piece of toast with peanut butterâhis phone was halfway charged.
1:01 pm.
Heâd slept for thirteen hours straight.
âGet over it, Wonwoo. Donât overreact... câmon, câmon, donât give me that sad little face⊠it was funny!â
âLeave me alone.â
âNo.â
âLeave me alone, please.â
âNo.â
âBohyuk! Stop!â
âStop what?!â
âYouâre poking me! BastardâŠâ
âOh, you just said a curse word. Mom is gonna be so mad. Kids your age arenât supposed to start swearing yet.â
âTell her. I donât care.â
âYou donât?â
âNo.â
âWell, what if she takes away your books? I bet youâll get upset then, wonât you? Or those weird little playing cards you have. What if sheâs so mad, she burns them! Youâll cry yourself to sleep like a little baby.â
âI said stop touching me!â
âOr what? What? Nothing to say?â
âNo.â
âFigures.â
â⊠I told you I want to be alone.â
âI know you do. And I let you sit here sulking. But now Iâm just trying to get you to talk instead of mope. When youâre in a bad mood, it puts mom in a bad mood, and then I have to suffer with both of you being all brooding and cranky. Talking is an important skill, you know? Especially when youâre all pissed off. â
âMom is always cranky.â
âAnd you double it.â
âShut up.â
âI really donât understand why Iâm the piece of shit, here. We always play Lifeguard at the water park. Now you want to throw a tantrum because, what? It was funny!â
âYou left me there, Bohyuk! Alone!â
âOkay, so what? Did you die, Wonwoo? Did you get banned from the park? Did you ruin your entire life?â
âNoâŠâ
âExactly. It was uncomfortable, and you didnât like the situation. I get that. But you put yourself in that position, alright? Stupid shit always happens when we play that game. You know the consequences. Weâve been over this before. Remember when you threw that life preserver on my head and almost gave me a concussion? I was pissed at you. But youâre a kid, and you werenât really thinking, and I shouldâve known. Thatâs why I didnât curse you out. Letâs say we both learned a lesson from this and call it a day, huh? C'mon, the bucket is filling up. Let's catch it before we leave.â
âJULY 28th.
Wonwoo was sitting in a wicker-back chair downstairs in the pottery shop, his laptop placed on the corner of a table that had been covered with a white, plasticky sheet. The white was hardly visible through all the smears and stains attributed to month-old dried paint and clay. His landlord had asked him if he would oblige to waiting for the mugs her last class had just sculpted to finish drying in the kiln while she ran to the bank. An egg timer was placed on the desk in her office, and Wonwoo could hear it ticking away in the background.
The door to the shop had been propped open using a mandala decorated rock, and while Wonwoo browsed along an online book on his laptop, he partly listened to the miscellaneous bits and pieces of conversation pushed indoors by the midday summer wind.
Initially, heâd dreaded coming back to the city after the week-long repose at his uncleâs, but in truth, Wonwoo was adjusting better than anticipated. Maybe because he was attempting to look after himself more than usualâhe was actually taking his medication and heâd weened himself from frequent, almost daily smoking to once every few days, though Wonwoo did realize his bud was getting low and the only person he knew to inquire for more was Vernon. He hadnât seen his friend in person since the party, and their texting had admittedly dwindled ever since Wonwoo fought with you.
That was just over a month ago now.
Wonwoo had gone an entire month without texting you, talking to you, seeing you. He was doing better, feeling lighter.
But there remained one core part of him that was still very incomplete and damaged. Suddenly, Wonwoo was shivering in his seat. The warm sun was brightening up the shop and reflecting its light off the stained glass windchimes dangling from the ceiling, though he chose to blame the chill on the breeze trickling indoors. Â
Deep down, however, Wonwoo knew heâd done something wrong. So, very, very wrong. Heâd hurt you like a bullet through bone.
âOkay, this is it, right?â
âYeah.â
Wonwoo glanced up from his laptop, where heâd been staring into the screen with a glazed over and distant expression. Instead, he saw a young woman, about his age, walk into the pottery shop hand-in-hand with a little girl who couldnât have been older than twelve. For a moment, Wonwoo didnât recognize the womanâs featuresâchin length, wavy hair, coarse and russet brown, tanned skin and a face polka dotted with freckles. Piece by piece, the memory rebuilt itself in his mind and he felt somewhat stupid.
âOhâjeez, Wonwoo! What the heckâyouâre like, the last person I would expect to run into here. Wow, itâs been a while!â
âUh, yeah. Since the party, I guess.â
Sierra, the girl whoâd fashioned together his drink.
âYeah. That feels like forever ago... whatâre you doing here?â
He pushed down on the laptop lid and sat up straighter in the wicker chair, accidentally looking into the eyes of the girl who was shyly clinging to Sierraâs side. She immediately glanced elsewhere.
âI live here, actually.â
âOh! Thatâs cool,â Sierra smiled. âYour family owns it, or?â
âNo. The lady who runs the pottery shop also has ownership of the units upstairs. She rents them out. I live up there.â He pointed his finger toward the ceiling as to emphasis his point.
âOkay, okay, that make a lot more sense. Still really cool.â
âWhatâre you doing here?â He asked, adjusting his glasses.
âOhâyeah. So, this is my younger sister, Cora,â Sierra explained, grabbing onto the petite girlâs shoulder. âShe was supposed to have her first class today, but she was feeling, umâwell, you know how kids are. Sheâs just a bit shy. Thereâs nothing wrong with that.â
âNo, of course not,â Wonwoo concurred, noting the resemblance between the two. âI was deathly shy when I was little.â
âRight? We were just gonna stop by to meet to the teacher ahead of her next class. I thought it might make everything easier.â
Wonwoo frowned. âShe left, actually.â
âShoot, really?â
âYeah, said she had to run to the bank. Iâm sitting down here because Iâm waiting for the pottery to finish drying in the kiln. I would give you an ETA, but I have no idea when sheâs coming back.â
Glancing down at her sister, Sierra ruffled the girlâs hair.
âThat sucks, huh?â
But she said nothing, just clung tightly to the back of Sierraâs yellow shirt, deciding to nod her head in response. Sierra shrugged.
âIs she usually here around this time?â
âYeah,â Wonwoo confirmed, âyou could try again tomorrow.â
âOkay, wicked. I would wait but Iâve got a list of errands for today and Iâm not even halfway through. And Iâm sure Cora wouldnât want to sit around, anyway. We just got a pool put in at the house.â
âSounds fun.â
âDo you swim?â
âNo, not at all. The most I do is dip my feet in.â
âAw, boo,â she said with dismay, shoulders sagging. âWell, it was nice running into you, Wonwoo. Andâum, it might not be your thing, but I work at the Honeymoon almost every nightâlike, six to midnight. So, if youâre ever in Centertown, you should stop by.â
âOh, good to know.â
âMâkay, later!â
Wonwoo waved. âBye, guys.â
Once they left the pottery shop, Wonwoo set his elbows onto the plastic-sheeted table and leaned into his cold hands, sighing heavily as the egg timer continued ticking. Sierra was polite. She seemed warm like the sunshine and beautifully sincere. Wonwoo could read from her tender brown eyes that she desired more out of himâa friendship, a relationship, maybe something blissful, blurred, and in between. Though, it was nothing Wonwoo could give her.
He thought about the comment she made in regards to their poolâif he ever swam. Wonwoo didnât swim, not since that horrible incident of Lifeguard all those years ago, back at the waterpark he used to attend alongside his older brother. Still, it got him thinking.
Reverting to his desktop, he looked for a folder.
writing.footage
It contained all the video clips heâd taken of you with the camcorder throughout your writing journey. He had every single one, from the grassy running ring at the high school to the footage heâd taken of the evening sky the day you two visited the beach.
His mouse hovered over a clip.
Fuckâhe really shouldnât do that. Every moment would sting like a red hot, peeling sunburn. The mouse moved away from the video clip and Wonwoo sat back in his chair, rubbing a hand against his face at the near torment. But⊠it had been so long. He missed you.
âWhateverâŠâ he sighed to himself, clicking the video.
It took a moment to start up.
âOkay! So, this is Mooneyâs Bay. It encompasses chapter three, andâWonwoo, you have to film my intro! Why are you filming the sand?â
âSorry, the lightingâs not good.â
âOh.â
âStand this way.â
âThose people will get in the shot.â
âWho cares? Theyâre far away.â
âIâll stand in front of them⊠okay, are you zoomed in?â
âYou told me not to zoom in.â
âNo, I didnât!â
âRemember when I zoomed in and you said I shouldnât do that because it doesnât capture the scenery properly?â
âWell, I said that because you were zooming in on me when you were supposed to be getting the ambiance shots! Thatâs why I said donât zoom in. You can zoom in for the intro. Is the light better?â
âYes.â
âOkay. Does my hair look good? Actually, do you think itâs too windy? Iâm worried about it being too windy, and then I canât hear my introduction. I have to be able to hear my introduction. Iâm really nervous. Waitâlet me take off my flip flops. Thereâs so much sand in them and I hate it. Okay. Am I covering the people?â
âYes.â
âShould I start now?â
âGo ahead.â
âOkay. So, this is Mooneyâs Bay, and⊠and⊠waitâoh no! I forget my lines. What was I supposed to say, again?â
âIâm not sure, itâs your script. Something about chapter three.â
âOh, I remember now! Okay, again from the top. Cut this out!â
He remembered that warm day as clear as the bayâs shiny waterâspecifically, the plethora of takes he had to film because you kept fudging up the script typed out on your phone. Wonwoo surfed through the rest of the clips pertaining to the beach, smiling to himself whenever you would fumble the words for the umpteenth time and groan in sheer frustration. Eventually, the backdrop turned from blue skies to an evening sunset. You two had spent hours there, and the filming had ended with tangy lemonade and watermelon.
He moved to a different assortment of clips.
âArenât you going to say anything?â
âLike what?â
âI donât know, introduce the flavour. Like show and tell.â
âOh, like a vlog?â
âYeah.â
âOkay. This is my flavour: itâs strawberry cheesecake. The red bits are the strawberries and those chunks are the cheesecake. I picked it because this is the flavour I got when I went on my first date with Mingyu. I love strawberries the most. Cheesecake is my favourite cake. Um⊠I donât really know what else to sayâŠâ
âWhereâd you get it from?â
âOhâfrom The Big Chill!â
âWhat would you rate it?â
âLike, seven out of ten.â
âNot perfect even though itâs your favourite things?â
âWellâbecause the ice cream is too hard. I like soft ice cream. If I waited like, ten minutes, then ate some, it would be higher.â
âThatâs disgusting.â
âOkay! Youâre not supposed to be inserting your personal comments! Youâre just supposed to say prompts and stuff. Donât make me revoke your camera privileges.â
âYou know anybody else with my camera operating skills?â
âSeokmin.â
âHe couldnât film his way out of a paper bag.â
âIâll be sure to tell him that.â
âItâs nothing I havenât already said.â
The abrupt end to the video made Wonwoo sink down in his chair with a dumb, wide smile. You did in fact, wait the entire ten minutes for your ice cream to significantly melt in the cup, then forcing Wonwoo to watch with unfiltered judgement as you stirred it up like a smoothie. You said it helped with your sensitive teeth.
He could understand that.
Knowing he wouldnât be able to watch much more, he chose one final clip to openâthe most recent one heâd taken. It was from the day you raced home in the rain after exploring the nature museum, right before Princess had swung by to pick you up. He had been fooling around with the camcorder while you two sat on the couch.
â⊠Um, so⊠do you care if I keep this shirt? Itâs a good bedtime shirt, and I donât really have any. I mean, only if you say itâs okay.â
âUh, sure. I hardly wear it anymore, to be honest.â
âOh. Whatâs it from?â
âA math competition thing. If you straighten that part out⊠thatâs Eulerâs number⊠this other one is your classic integral.â
âHm, yeah. Thatâs such a great conversation starter. Have you guys ever heard about the integral symbol? Such a classic!â
âYou jest but it got me quite a bit of recognition.â
âLike you want recognition.â
âYeah, thatâs why I stopped wearing it.â
âAh, okay. Â So if I wear it out, will I get random geeks coming up to me on the street asking about it?â
âProbably.â
âMm, okay. Iâll keep it.â
âYou want that, huh?â
âYes, so when they come up to me, I can say I have a really smart, talented, loser friend who owns it. So I can brag about you.â
âThatâs⊠nice, I suppose. Can you drop the loser part?â
âNo. Itâs to keep you humble.â
âSeriously? Life has already humbled me enough, I think.â
The clip ended, and Wonwoo was staring back at himself in the screenâs black reflection. He could recall that oddly hollow feeling which situated uncomfortably large in the pit of his stomach when he realized how much he missed you.
But how could he not yearn for you? When you were so captivating, and infinitely brilliant, and stubbornly hard-headed in a tantalizing way that made him feel completely alive and invigorated.
I fucked upâit was all he could think as he pushed his laptop away and buried his head into his armsâI fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up and I pushed away the most amazing girl Iâve ever known.
Suddenly, the small egg timer that had been sitting on the landlordâs desk a room away erupted. It started rattling and clanging and while Wonwoo should have shot up from his seat to turn it off and check the sculpted mugs cooking in the kiln, he stayed in his seat.
He felt glued to it.
All he could think about was how badly he needed to talk to you, hear your voice, see your face, smell your scent. Maybe he didnât deserve itâWonwoo knew he didnâtâbut he loved you too much.
He couldnât let you fade into a deep, dark memory.
âJULY 30th.
Wonwoo hadnât been to his favourite cafĂ© on Sunnyside Avenue for almost two months. He was therefore quite surprised at their new interior upon giving into a last-minute whimâvisiting for a quick coffee. They had finally swapped their metal chairs for more cushiony seats, and the circle tabletops for square, wooden ones. The style of chalk writing on the overhead menu boards had changed, too.
He didnât even recognize the baristas.
Usually, Wonwoo only stopped at the café to work on his writing and indulge in a raspberry lemon scone that was supposed to be a treat for having been productive, though he always ate it before a single word would ever grace the paper. Since he began helping you with your book back in March, he frequented the café less and less. It brought a smile to his face, recalling the incident of you slapping your hand against the window and jarring him half to death.
He used to be so afraid of you. Never would he imagine the comfort youâd end up bestowing himâand the fact heâd lose it all.
âI can help whoeverâs next!â
Turning his attention from the corner where his old table used to sitânow occupied by two girls sharing a latte and giggling as they perused their phonesâWonwoo approached the barista he failed to recognize, waiting to take his order. Realizing heâd lost his metaphorical loyalty badge and that he could no longer just coolly toss out, âthe usualâ, Wonwoo had to remember what it was he even liked.
âJust an iced coffee,â he said, âand, uh⊠do you still have those scones with the raspberry and lemon filling?â
As the barista pressed something into the tablet screen, he shook his head. âUnfortunately theyâre not made here anymore.â
âOh, damn.â
âWe do have a new strawberry scone, though, for summer. Itâs got a confectionary sugar drizzle. Itâs pretty popular.â
âUh, donât worry about it, Iâll just take the coffee.â
âNo problem, man. Total is three ninety-nine.â
âCard, thanks.â
It might have been stupid, but Wonwoo couldnât think about strawberries without thinking of you, because you always smelled like a sweet, ripe, and vibrantly red strawberryâit was the scent of your skin, which he so pathetically missed feeling warm and velvet against his. He bet one-hundred percent you would have ordered that scone.
After tapping his phone against the card reader, Wonwoo stepped aside and waited for his coffee. It was a Sunday. He had work tomorrow. There wasnât much happening in his life.
âIced coffee, right here.â
The barista slid the cardboard cup across the counter. Wonwoo grabbed it with a polite thank you, and then settled an inspecting glance around the cafĂ© for a place to sit. He shouldnât have come in the afternoonâit was always their busiest hours apart from early morningâand it seemed the redesign had promptly boosted their relevance, because Wonwoo couldnât remember a time when the tables had ever been so filled. He stepped further into the seating area, though, someone familiar had just caught his eye.
Princess.
She was sat at a table close to some beautifully potted ferns and palm leaves, typing on a laptop while a plate with a half-finished sandwich and a plastic cup of matcha remained by her elbow. At the exact moment that Wonwoo saw her, Princess had also looked up, and as though by magic, their gazes caught without hesitation.
At first, Wonwoo panicked. The breath dropped out of his chest and he pondered waving to her, turning tail, and fleeing. There was not a single doubt in his mind that she was aware of the fight between you and himâshe was your best friendâand Wonwoo knew from the manner in which her lips apprehensively curled into a numb smile that Princess already knew everything. Still, she waved at him.
Wonwoo gulped, waving back.
Maybe it was an indescribably stupid decision, but Wonwoo opted to swallow the fear and dread and anxiety in his throat. If she didnât want him to sit with her, then he trusted that Princess would make such a boundary extremely clearâbut Wonwoo had to try. He had to make some sort of initiative, some form of amends, and above all, he wanted to know about you, even if the answer hurt terribly.
âUh, hey⊠how are you?â
Princessâ tattooed hands stilled on the keyboard. She flitted her round, deep brown eyes up at him, and he felt frustrated that he could extract little to nothing from their depths. Again, she smiled.
âIâm alright. Just working on some forms for work.â
Wonwoo nodded. âDo you, uh⊠do you care if I sit?â
She didnât speak, but continued to stare at him with a lip worried between her teeth, and it was then Wonwoo could realize the conflict swimming through her gaze. The panic started to build again, and the regret surged into his stomach like a tsunami.
âReally, I donât mean to make things awkward,â Wonwoo was urged to clarify, the cold cup feeling increasingly slippery in his clammy hand, âI can go. I donât want to cause any problems."
âNo, noââ Princess shook her head, meanwhile her tone remained strained and uncertain, ââitâs okay. Uh, yeah. Sure. Take a seat. I mean, itâs plenty full in here. Iâm not that busy.â
âAre you sure? Becauseââ
âYeah, Iâm sure. You can sit, Wonwoo.â
He exhaled softly, proceeding to pull out the chair. It felt quite nice sitting against a cushion rather than the hard metal he remembered.
Princess reached for her matcha, placing the straw between her lips and taking a long, heavy sip as though to prepare herself for the awkward nature of their incoming conversation. Wonwoo did the same. He didnât even know where to start. Was it better to burn off his nerves through small talk or jump straight into the heat?
She moved the long braids off her shoulder, heaved in a breath.
âWell, letâs just get the bulk of this talk out of the way. I know what happened. I know youâre not friends with Her anymore. I know the way it ended was super ugly. I know that she spent, like, three days at my apartment, miserable, in tears over you, Wonwoo. So, I do feel a certain way toward you. I hope you can understand that.â She closed the lid of her laptop and sighed. âBut, weâre adults. And I guess Iâd be lying if I said I wasnât curious about⊠some things.â
âNo, IâI get that.â
Already, he wanted to throw up. Despite all his repressing, he could still hear that choked, vulnerable, completely broken sob you croaked out the day you left his apartmentâhow mercilessly it had haunted him for the entire weekâmade him believe he was a monster, a masochist, the lowest form of human being. Wonwoo felt there was no excusing it. He would always hate himself for it.
âWhat are you curious about?â Wonwoo asked quietly.
Princess glanced down for a second, staring at the smooth, black surface of her laptop. She then clicked her nails together.
âI-I just⊠how could it⊠how could it go so wrong?â The girl wondered aloud, leaning back into her chair, seeming despaired at the aftermath. âFrom the second I saw her get defensive of you at Spring Street, I knew how much she cared. I knew that you meant something to her and for whatever reason, she wasnât going to let anyone screw it up. And she became so much lighter. Everything wasnât an attack. Everything she did wasnât so agonizing anymore.â
Wonwooâs knee wouldnât stop bouncing underneath the table, the nervous energy accumulating rather than draining away. He wished he had the perfect answer, but he couldnât yet find one.
Her head tilted, shoulders shrugging. âI donât know⊠I thought you could be so good for Her. She doesnât have anyone in her life thatâs like you. ButâI meanâfuck, weâre here, now, arenât we?â
âMmhm,â Wonwoo mumbled, staring straight into the girlâs shiny, unwavering eyes that held so much sentiments of angst and betrayal, like she herself was carrying your rage. âPrincess⊠I⊠I want, so fucking bad, to give you a good answer for why everything blew up. I do. Butâjustâevery time I try to look inward, every time I try to understand it at its core, I feel like itâs all shrouded. I know I fucked up. I know it. She madeâmakesâme happy, too. But Iâm not there yet.â
âYouâre not where?â She asked, pressing forward. âAt a place where you can understand what you did? Why you did it?â
Fiddling with his cup atop its cork coaster, Wonwoo nodded.
He then chewed into his bottom lip, feeling the skin break.
âCan I ask⊠what did you think of me? When she told you what happened? If you have to be brutally uncouth, I donât care.â
Princess abruptly laughed at the request, head tumbling forward into her gold-ringed hands. He wasnât sure if she would oblige, as the laugh sounded nervous yet tinged with disbelief, which led Wonwoo to believe she had thought some very unpleasant things.
âUm⊠letâs see...â she chuckled hesitantly, smoothing antsy hands along her dark skin, âI was definitely gagged, letâs start there.â
He furrowed his brow. âWhat do you mean?â
âI donât knowâI justâI didnât believe that you would be capable of being such a fucking asshole. I meanââ she collapsed back into the chair, throwing up her arms, ââcan you blame me? Youâre quiet, well-mannered, intelligent. Everyone loved you at the party. I think the fact you could turn around and be so⊠s-so cruel, so hostile, like you wereâI donât knowâtrying to gut her, just seemed impossible. But Her doesnât lie. She has no reason to make it up. I wasnât able to think much at all because I went comfort mode. I just wanted to focus on getting her mind off you.â
âAnd⊠afterward?â
âWell, I wanted to destroy you, obviously.â
â⊠Fair.â
âSo, can I ask you something?â
Instantly, his stomach dropped to his feet, and Wonwoo was certain his face had paled like a washed-out t-shirt. Princessâ gaze settled upon him with intense focus. Wonwoo scratched at his thumb.
âOkay.â
â⊠Do you love her?â
He didnât answer. Even if he wanted to, the words erased from his mind in a mere snap of oneâs fingers. Instead, Wonwoo stared at the girl while she politely waited for a sign, knowing his very loud, lacking response was an answer enough in itself if his eyes werenât already panicked and practically writing the narrative for him. To admit his true heart to another person was the most horrifying predicament Wonwoo could articulate. He was far from capable.
Princess raised her brow. âIâll take that as aââ
âYou canât tell Her. Please, please, please, whatever you do, whatever you think of meâjust, please donât tell Her,â Wonwoo blurted, the perspiration drenching the palms that sunk into his knees. âI-I donât know what Iâll do if she finds out. Really, Iââ
âWonwoo.â Princess reached under the table, and he felt her cool, soft hand settle overtop his. âIâm not going to say anything to anyone, okay? Just breathe. You look like youâre going to haveâ"
âDonât say it,â he exhaled shakily, âI-I knowâŠâ
He proceeded to close his eyes, draw in a long, deep, thorough breath, while his knee continued jittering and his chest felt so tight and twisted with fear. He closed his eyes and recalled the washroom belonging to his auntâs house in rural Changwon, with the bright blue shower curtain and its pattern of yellow rubber ducks.Â
Wonwoo counted all the rubber ducks on that childhood curtain, the number having been scorched into his mind like a scar, until he felt the world fall back into tune. The steadiness of Princessâ hand over top his was a gentle reminder that he was indeed alive and not a puddle of mistakes melted to the cafĂ© floor. Pushing up the glasses that had slipped down his nose, he reopened his eyes to see the girlâs the sympathetic, earnest face. Wonwoo cleared his throat.
âUm, yeahâIâm okay⊠justâuh, th-thank you.â
She pulled her hand away, smiling, âno problem.â
The two proceeded to sit in silence as Wonwoo further collected his bearings. He glanced around the cafĂ©, recognizing no one else amongst the crowd, and spotting more and more modifications that had appeared since his last visitâthe light fixtures overhead were different, the decorative wall art had been replaced, and the baristas were all wearing hats with a new, improved logo. So much had developed in his absence. So much had to change.
He looked at his iced coffee, which he took a sip from, and realized that he didnât prefer the taste quite like he used to.
Wonwoo sighed, pushing the drink away from him.
âPrincess?â
âYeah?â
âI know I donât deserve this. I know that me even asking this might seem so unprecedentedly stupid. Her probably doesnât want you talking to me, which I get, and I know you feel conflicted about me being here⊠but⊠fuck⊠Princess, I have to know something about Her. Anything. I donât care if itâs the smallest, most insignificant detail you could think of. Just one thing⊠thatâs all.â
The delivery was undoubtedly begging, perhaps pathetic, but he could not find it within himself to care. He missed you too fucking much, to the point it was becoming insufferable, unliveable.
Folding one leg over the other, Princess leaned back and grabbed onto her matcha, spinning it slightly. She was no longer meeting his eyeline, and that drowned his hopes in a watery grave.
He settled his elbows onto the table, his finger gripping at the air with every pleading word that he could somehow conjure.
âI know you donât want to; I-I know it. I know she fucking hates me, detests me, wishes we never met. But this is the most regretful Iâve ever been, a-about anything in my life. AndâI know that Iâm pushing youâIâm sorryâIâm so fucking sorryâif I can just know one thing, Iâll leave you alone. I-I mean, is she⊠did she get a new shirt, after that one ripped, on the hanger? Does she still go to the SSA meetings? OrâI donât fucking knowâis she writing? Is she doing something new? Have you seen her smile at all? Or heard her laugh? Genuinely laugh. The one where she canât even breathe and she grips onto you and buries her head into your neck? Is she still just as quippy? Constantly rambling over herself? I miss that so much⊠I miss all of it⊠everything about her⊠thereâs nothing I donât miss.â
Princess was biting her lip, refusing to say a word.
Wonwoo hadnât intended to barrage her. Nonetheless, he couldnât leave the cafĂ© without wholeheartedly trying.
âFuckâŠâ he exhaled, placing his forehead against the black wood of the table, breathing back the bitterness, the frustration, the tears. Princess was a boulder, it seemed. Heâd lost, picking his head back up after a moment of composure, and pushed out his chair.
âYouâre leaving?â She asked, her gaze heavy with sadness.
He nodded. âI justâI⊠yeah.â
âOkay⊠later.â
âBye, Princess,â he answered, his throat irritably tight.
â⊠Wellâo-okay, actuallyâŠâ
As her voice picked up amongst the cluttering dishes and drawls of conversation, Wonwoo turned around to see the girlâs remorseful expression and the hands shoved tightly under her arms. Princess paused, staring at the coffee mug heâd abandoned at the table.
â⊠She needs you.â
Wonwoo stiffened, then nearly scoffed in disagreement.
âShe hates me. What do you mean?â
But Princess shook her head, making a twisting motion at her lips like she was fastening the lock to a chest. It was her one thing.
And Wonwoo had no idea what to make of it.
It had been far too long since Wonwoo last texted, spoke to, or saw Vernon. When he left for an entire week to stay at his uncleâs cottage in the midst of July, he hadnât even shot the boy a message that he was leaving. As cold or uncompassionate as it may have sounded, Wonwoo never really considered Vernon to be that important or necessary to his life until he sat back and thought about their relationship: a studious loner with an unperturbed drug dealer who somehow formed a bond that hadnât predictably eroded.
Sure, it helped that Vernon became his plug and there was technically a reason for their symbiosis, but what Wonwoo hadnât taken note of was their closeness over the months.
Perhaps it was guilt, or the sting of losing you and having experienced Princess treat him like an ugly secret, or the simplistic, innate need for human contact, that Wonwoo finally decided to reach out and invite the boy over for a smoke. Vernon agreed, though it wasnât until the near cusp of midnight that he stopped by. Together they sat on the complex rooftop, two perfectly packed blunts between them, lit by their sparking lighters. The conversation drifted from topic to topic like a passive leaf being tugged through a breeze.
Wonwoo was able to realize how desperately he needed a moment like thatâno guards, no anxiety, no hyper-analyzing every little goddamn comment or actionâjust friendship.
And Vernon made it easy.
âNot to mention the fact that Seokminâhe fuckinâ sucks at mini-puttinâ by the way. Jesus Christ, man. There was a twelve-year-old girl a hole behind us who was makinâ shots like Tiger Woods, and then here we are, waitinâ for Seokmin to make a shot that is damn near impossible toâlike, okayâtell me why heâs got one leg on the fuckinâ rock and the other stretched halfway across the laneway like he's droppinâ into the splits? Why does it need tâbe that hard!â
Shaking his head, Wonwoo half-laughed, half-coughed into his elbow, the smoke instantly rushing back out his mouth.
âHoly fuck. I wish Iâd seen that in person.â
âNo,â Vernon deadpanned, rolling up his sleeves, âyou donât. At that point, just pick up the ball and move it into the hole, man. That twelve-year-oldâs got places to be and weâre over here climbinâ on rocks and crawlinâ under bridges like itâs a fuckinâ jungle gym.â
âIâm surprised they even let you in.â
âOhâme too,â he chuckled. âFuck someone once in the storage closet at glow-in-the-dark mini-put and suddenly youâre âa detriment to the company.â Like, get the fuck outta my face.â
âYou live, you learn.â
âWell, sheâs still there. Somehow.â
âRuby?â
âYeahâjust sold her like two-hundred bucks of ecstasy.â
Wonwoo threw his head back and cackled.
âYou still talk to her?!â
âNo, noâRubyâs chill! Always came to work stoned half the time, though. Dude, no. It was the other girl that fuckinâ ratted on us.â
âDamn⊠so, is Ruby the one?â Wonwoo teased.
As Vernon removed the joint from his lips, a swift trail of smoke ejected into the nighttime air. He huffed in disagreement.
âNah. Sheâs a good friend you can screw on the low. Know you guys wonât catch feelings. Makes it easy. Thatâs what Iâm about.â
âYeah. Simple enough.â
Scraping his thumb against the rough spark wheel of his favourite Bic, Wonwoo lit the small, dancing flame, bringing it close to his blunt and crisping the paper more heavily. He proceeded to draw in a long, smooth breath. The atmosphere was almost silent if not for the distant murmur of midnight traffic. Wonwoo watched the abundant smoke as it slowly streamed out his nose. It eventually dissipated against the blackness, existing just long enough for Wonwoo to appreciate that weightless sensation it gave him.
Vernon swept a hand through his hair, smiled at Wonwoo.
âOkay, so, feel free to tell me to fuck offââ the boy began with notable caution, taking a quick hit before removing the blunt from his lips ââbut, uh, what exactly⊠did happen⊠between you and Her?â
For a moment, the vigilantly placed question hovered in the cool summer air as Wonwoo breathed out another cloud. However, he didnât let the smoke disappear on its own, rather he blew into it harshly and forced the flurry to melt. One way or another, he knew this topic would surface. And Vernon was rightâhe completely had the right to tell his friend to fuck offâbecause no matter how much time had passed since, Wonwoo still felt the wound with all the freshness and intensity of that night. He remained stiff, thinking.
Sensing the reluctancy, Vernon abandoned his request.
âYâknow, it doesnât matter. Weâre havinâ fun, anyway.â
Wonwoo was going to agreeâyeah, letâs skip itâbut at the last second, he burned the reliable safety of his choice. The thing was, he hadnât really discussed the fight with anybody. Sitting down and talking to Princess didnât bestow the alleviation or closure that Wonwoo thought it would, especially considering her loyalty to you and the fact she hadnât desired that conversation more than she desired a hole in the head. He was able to relieve some tension upon visiting his uncleâs, but, ultimately, Wonwoo was doing the exact thing you had accused him ofâletting things sit and fester.
Shutting everyone out.
Poisoning himself, and those around him.
After tugging at the edge of his thick beanie, Wonwoo rubbed a knuckle against his forehead and decided to bite the bullet.
âUh, noâall good. Youâre curious, I get it.â
Vernonâs eyes widened underneath the moonlight and the warm, glowing radiance that crept over the building precipice. He nearly choked on the smoke.
âWaitâdude. Really?â
âYeah.â Wonwoo angled his face toward him, nodding.
âOkay, uh⊠wow. Wasnât expectinâ to get this far.â
âNeed a moment to catch your breath, yeah?â
âPshâshut the fuck up, Glasses⊠actuallyâno, yeah. Let me take a hit first. I feel like this is gonna be a deep-dish pizza, yâknow?â
âSomewhat, I suppose,â Wonwoo agreed.
He copied his friend, crisping the blunt one last time before pressing his lips around the paper and drawing in a big breath.
Right before the prickling could desiccate his throat, Wonwoo exhaled everything into the abrupt breezeânot just the smoke, but his fears, his worriesâwhatever might stunt or thwart him from understanding that it wasnât so terrifying to be candour.
Vernon shook out his shoulders.
âOkay, player. Youâve got my attention.â
Wonwoo swallowed.
How the fuck does one go about saying this?
âSo, uhâŠâ
Where does he even start?
âI guess the important part isâŠâ
Whatâs going to happen if he chokes on all his words?
âOkay, so, we basically⊠umâŠâ
Wonwoo, you have spent practically your entire life writing and crafting sentences and the most adolescent, tormented prose imaginableâhow is it that you cannot configure one thought?
âIâm⊠Iâm kind of in love with her.â
He thought about glancing at Vernon to gauge his reaction, especially when his friend didnât offer one word in response, not even a pointed hmph, or a sniffle, or something satirical to suggest that all his teasing had some actual truth and substance.
But Wonwoo didnât look.
Vernon was giving him the floor to keep going.
âAnd⊠that night, at the party, we had this really sincere moment⊠I mean, maybe it wasnât that sincereâsheâd just done a line of coke and had been sipping alcohol and smoking all night. But thatâs how it felt when it was happening. After the bullshit with Bells, I took her to a spare bedroom to calm down. She asked me to lay with her.â
Wonwoo paused to collect his breathing. Even just the memory of your body pressed against his was enough to rake up those buried emotions from his insides like old, autumn leaves. The memories of your heat, and the giggling into his neck, and the way your fingers would occasionally trace shapes on his chest as you listened to him talkânothing had ever felt so cosmically right.
âUm⊠yeah. I donât know why I agreed. I didnât care about if it was wrong or right. If Mingyu came barging in, or someone else, orâfuck, if the goddamn roof caved inâI didnât care. I just wanted to be with her so fucking bad. We didnât kiss or anything. We just laid there together, like, intertwined, you know? I told her some stuff. We were just talking⊠I think, in my mind, I just wanted to have this moment where I was something to her, more than a friend. And I justâI put this stupid fucking notion in my head that it was true.â
Eyes squeezed shut, blunt poised between his fingers, Wonwoo rode the high of another hit, ignoring the deep, sensitive pain cutting his bone marrow. He kept excavating despite the hurt.
âButâI-I mean, a girl like that?â He laughed, head bending down between his propped knees. âA girl like that, you know? She is soâsh-sheâsâI shouldnât want her at all. I should want nothing to do with her. ButâI donât knowâshe has drive, and things sheâs passionate about, and she can be so unrelenting and fucking bossy, but then so soft, and calm, and I just get drawn into her like a moth to a flame. I think everythingâs okay, you know? I donât get that⊠that dreadâthat feeling like Iâm constantly failing, and useless, and like everything is out to get me.â
Wonwoo hadnât glanced at Vernon once. He didnât want to.
That way, it felt like he was alone, talking to himself, maybe talking to the moon. It erased the veil of pressure and eased his typically constrained, rigid muscles. Feeling his glasses begin to slip, Wonwoo lifted his head, pushing the circled frames back up his nose.
âI donât know why itâs like that. I donât know why itâs her, specifically. Sometimes I wish it wasnât. She has Mingyu to love. And it justâit fucking frustrates me so muchâ" Wonwoo breathed out the irritation, licking his lips, ââbecause weâre having this sweet moment, and itâs so perfect, and right. But then all of a sudden, heâs justâheâshe's letting him fuck her. Like that moment we had was nothing, like I didnât just be the most open Iâve ever been with her. AndâI know, I knowâsheâs high as fuck and not thinking straight. So, what do I chalk us up to, then? A bad trip? A blur in time? A moment you live once and then just forget? What the fuck do I make of that?â
Something crackled inside him, akin to match being lit, palpable enough that it motivated the boy to his feet because this cramped, knees-to-chest position wouldnât suffice in channeling the energy he felt. Wonwoo moved the blunt to his lips, attempting to speak while it hung at the corner of his mouth, though he only left it there for a few seconds in his urgence for another hit. He started pacing.
âThat was such a dogshit moment, you know? Going down there, wanting it to be a lie, almost believing it, but thenâI hear it. I-I hear the way sheâs getting fucked and I hear her moans and her whimpers and I hear the way heâs using her.â Wonwoo kicked a stone off the edge of the building, one hand shoved into his sweats pocket while the other fed him a brief inhalation from the blunt. âIâve never felt that before. Awful. Like, indescribable devastation. I ran to the washroom to throw up because my body just couldnât handle it. It felt like such a kick in the fucking teeth. And I was mad at herâlike, fuck you for throwing back all that trust into my face, you know?â
He shook his head, then balancing at the rim of the complex like a fall from that height wouldnât leave him broken.
âI was so fucking pissed at herâŠâ Wonwoo muttered, staring down at the shadowed streets, âevery time I thought about it, I just felt sick⊠but, obviously, we have to hash it out. Thatâs why she jumped you, or whateverâI wasnât texting her back because I knew nothing good would come from it. Like I said, though⊠sheâs unrelenting. Shows up at my door, banging on it like thereâs a murderer outside. I was in a terrible headspace. I⊠I kind ofâŠâ
The words jammed on his tongue.
Wonwoo had to walk away from the ledge as a foggy sensation muddled his senses. Hands, beginning to tremble, pulled in torment down the back of his black beanie, the blunt caught between his fingers as he remembered the inexcusable maliciousness to his ranting. It echoed through his head like a gong.
He squatted down, rubbing at his wrinkled, aching brow.
âI⊠I basicallyâj-justâI tore her to fucking shreds.â
There was so much emotion clogging his throat. Every word was a struggle to enunciate, and each one burned and stung more tangibly than the last, as though heâd swallowed knives.
âIt didnât even feel good, you know? It wasnât cathartic, or victorious. I felt like⊠do I even deserve anything? She went into the hall and⊠that sob. Oh my god⊠bawling her eyes out because of my stupidity. Because of my inability to be a fucking person as she mentioned.â
Wonwoo stared at the grit covering the roof.
He reached out his hand, letting the small bits of rubble stick to his fingertips, thinking, about everything, how he destroyed it. You were just a panicked river, trying to heal and soothe, but the message was lost under the current. Wonwoo had been a scalding fire, one that charred everything the instant it touched his vengeful heat.
There were only ashes. He didnât know how to rebuild a relationship from something so fragile and ruined at his beckon.
The frustration was boiling in Wonwooâs gut. All his shortcomings, the ignorance to the flaws he buried, how he treated youâit was all bubbling together like some sort of poisonous, infectious brew and if he didnât somehow release pressure then he would crack like ceramics. Wonwoo maneuvered the thick blunt from his fingers into his palm where he crushed it, hard.
âUh, Wonwoo? Itâs⊠itâs okay, man. Youââ
âFuck!â
The tattered piece of crisped tobacco paper and grinded weed flew into the air, the breeze pulling the remnants somewhere unimportant. Vernon immediately smothered his words. He could only stare, frozen, as Wonwoo tore off his glasses, rubbing a sweater sleeve against the beginning pricks of tears that bulbed up from his eyes. He sucked in a long, shuddering, ragged breath.
âI fucking hate this, Vernon. I-Iâm everything she said I was. I do it to myself. I always do it to myself. I want to change so badly but it never feels like itâs happening fast enough, a-an-andâandâandââ
âGlasses, relax, okay?â
Vernon was on his feet in an instant, quickly brushing his hands off against the fabric of his jeans, the blunt now tucked behind his ear. Wonwoo continued rubbing into his eyes. His friendâs face appearing before him was nothing but watery smudging, almost like a ruined oil painting. Wonwoo hiccupped.
âNoâVernonây-you donât understand, youâI-I fucked up, alright? I fucked up so bad! Iââ he could hardly breathe, his glasses dropped somewhere on the roof, ââI just wrecked everything andââ
âWonwoo! Jeon Wonwoo!â Vernon gripped his shoulders and shook them sternly. âShut up! Youâre takinâ all the fuckinâ air!â
The abruptness snapped a wire in Wonwooâs brain. It was so unexpected that he almost wasnât sure if it happened. However, his torrent of seemingly endless anxious thought began to falter, with a very slow but gradual concentration toward the softness rosying his friendâs blurred face. Vernon rubbed against Wonwooâs trembling arm, and with a gentle tug, urged him to sit down.
âCâmon, get on your ass⊠there âya go. Awesome. Now⊠whereâs yourâoh, shitâtheyâre right here. Lucky you, huh?â
Vernon crouched down in front of him.
As Wonwoo busied himself with carving those scratches against his thumb, Vernon extended a hand to his friendâs cheek.
âLet me rid get of these tears⊠so you⊠can actually⊠seeâŠâ
With a grunt, Vernon fell back onto his butt.
âLetâs put these on, yeah? Are you okay with that?â
Vernon seemed to accept the quietness as him not quite being ready, and so the boy settled for resting a tattooed hand on Wonwooâs knee, familiarizing him with a grounding touch. In due time, Wonwoo was relaxed enough to properly swallow.
Vernon smiled at him.
âSo, does Glasses need his glasses now?â
Wonwoo sniffled, imitating a rumbling sound to clear his brittle throat, meanwhile there was a breeze ghosting along his exposed nape. It was just as comforting as Vernonâs touch.
âY-Yes⊠thank you.â
âHey, no problem. Iâm just glad they didnât get crushed.â
When his friendâs calm face clarified in the silver moonlight, with his unjudgmental eyes, and his compassionate smile, Wonwoo began to realize that⊠perhaps, being trusting and vulnerable and honest was not the worst thing in the world. There was merit and relief. There was a friend waiting on the other side with an open hand.
âVernon⊠I, um⊠Iâmââ
âListen, Glasses. If youâre gonna apologize to me, then shove it right back up your ass. Seriously. Thereâs no need.â
âWell, I meanâŠâ Wonwoo wiped his runny nose, âI kind of unloaded on you, and, I didnât intend for that. I really didnât.â
âI asked you a loaded question in the first place, didnât I? I ordered a deep-dish pizza and thatâs what I fuckinâ got.â
âWell⊠I-I⊠Iâm glad you can look at it that way.â
âGod, Wonwoo. Youâre actinâ like this was a total blindside. I know you, yâknow? Maybe not to a tee, but I know you.â Vernon kept his hand against Wonwooâs knee, dusting some grit from it. âAnd I know youâre gonna feel regretful about all this, but you shouldnât, alright? âCause, lookâyou did somethinâ that most peopleâthey go their entire lives without doinâ. You dug deep and acknowledged your flaws. And not just the pansy shit, likeâoh, Iâm bad at time management, I forget to put the dishes away, I donât fill up the ice cube tray, I never reply to textsâI mean the real stuff.
The really dark, uncomfortable stuff that we know is there but itâs so much easier to ignore. The stuff that gets in the way of our happiness, or success, or connectionsâbeinâ the sin-sincerest versions of ourselvesâitâs so much easier to pack all that bad stuff down. Itâs there but at least itâs not out here. But then, like, maybe one day it is out here. And itâs hurtinâ everything around you. And some people will still let it slide because thereâs always somethinâ else to blame. What is that bullshitâacceptance is always the hardest part? I donât fuckinâ know. Anyway, you should give yourself some credit, Glasses. Seriously. Iâm proud.â
âProud?â Wonwoo chuckled weakly, returning the warmth of his friendâs honeyed eyes. âThat's such a mom thing to say.â
Vernonâs hand shifted to whacking Wonwooâs arm. âDon't get smart.â
âNo, uhâIâm joking. Thank you, Vernon⊠really.â
âHey, I know Iâm your drug dealer, but I consider us friends, yâknow? And not every friendâs gotta be your support beam. But I think youâre someone worth supportinâ⊠heyâthat sounded pretty smart and eloquent, right? Iâm basically you, now.â
Wonwoo smiled. âYou're missing the glasses.â
âIâll just take yours,â Vernon chided, giving his friendâs chest a light push, âwhatâre you gonna do, anyway? Four-eyes.â
âI think if you wore these for more than five minutes⊠youâd get a migraine,â Wonwoo supposed, watching Vernon nod his head.
âDamn. Youâre probably right. Not worth it.â
âMmhmâŠâ
â⊠But, um⊠yâknow what I do think is worth it?â
Wonwoo raised his eyebrow.
Vernon paused, as though to contemplate his response, but when the words left his mouth, there was pure firmness behind them.
âMan, you need to talk to Her.â
Pressing his lips together, Wonwoo stared off into the corner.
Vernon nudged his arm, attempting to engage him.
âIâm serious! You know sheâs perfect for you, right? A bossy girl whoâs about her shit but can soften up for you is exactly what you need. Girls like thatâthey care so fuckinâ much, yâknow? And sheâs majorly into you. I saw how she hugged you at the party. How she got all smiley and sweet. I mean, she was gonna punch Bells in the fuckinâ face to stop her from makinâ a move on you. Sheâs got a man, I know. And Iâm not sayinâ be a fuckinâ homewrecker. But, like, I donât know⊠Mingyuâs all image and no substance. A fuckinâ airhead.â
Wonwoo massaged along his forehead, chuckling.
âI thought you liked him.â
âYeah, well, I liked him a lot more when he was handinâ me two-hundred âa Seungcheolâs bands. I know he just invited me to that party âcause I can get him nâ his rich friends high. Iâm not stupid. Keep your enemies close, and your friendsâwait, fuckâkeep yourââ
âFriends close and enemies closer?â
Vernon grinned, wide and gummy. âBingo.â
âGood advice.â
âYouâre insane if you donât do it.â
âIf I donât talk to Her?â
âYes! Donât let her go! Are you crazy, Glasses?!â
âWhat am I supposed to say? I-I was such a cunt.â
âI donât fuckinâ know, manâoffer to lick hers. Bet sheâll forgive you right there on the spot. Damn. Thatâs how Iâd do it.â
âNo, you wouldnât. Idiot.â
âEh, whatever. Youâll figure it out. I know you will.â
Wonwoo exhaled a large, solacing breath, glancing toward the moonlight that beautifully shimmered down in its pearlescent webs, bathing the rooftop akin to the blue mirages at the nature museum.
Vernon was right.
He couldnât let this be the end of your story.
âEND OF PART FOUR.
#seventeen scenarios#wonwoo scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#wonwoo x reader#svt fanfic#wonwoo fanfic#jeon wonwoo#svt scenarios#seventeen angst#seventeen fanfic#seventeen fluff#seventeen smut
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would you be interested in a more Platonic type fic? Like being good friends with Robin?
alternatively if it has to be romantic: Law being forced on a disaster of a date only to meet a super helpful (comic) bookshop employee and she starts seeming cute when he finds out she has similar interests? (Boy probably went into cardiac arrest at first when someone caught him not being broody)
hope this isnât too much!
and youâre doing awesome!
thank you so much for your request, anon!!!! im actually going to use both of your ideas, but i started with the Law one because that hit seriously close to home. ive been on some absolute TRAVESTIES of dates in the past, and i needed to write law suffering through a similar fate or i'd die!!!!! I hope you enjoy, and pretty soon I'll post your platonic Robin request as well! I love writing platonic stories just as much as romantic ones <3
An Out.
Law x Fem Reader
Law made the mistake of letting his friends talk him into a first date⊠and now he desperately needs an out. Fast.
Warnings: an absolute disaster of a first date for our wonderful nerdy man. modern au, implied college setting, some mild slight suggestive language but nothing more than that
Trafalgar Law tried in vain to recount the series of events that led up to this very moment.
There was the dusty apartment floor discussion about how the med-student hadnât gotten laid yet, which was followed by a raunchy comment about a girl in someoneâs class, it was revealed that this girl was single (âand ready to mingleâ), and her number was forcibly input into Lawâs phone.
For the week that followed, he was inundated with flirty texts from this girl he had never met in person. He was forced to send her a picture of himself, mostly to get her to stop blowing up his texts every hour, and that was the next mistake in the line-up of unfortunate events.
Turned out she had a thing for facial hair.
Then, instead of getting pestered with general flirty messages, it was general flirty messages that were ramped up to a nine. âIâd rip your clothes off if you give me the opportunity,â kind of nine.
Law knew he was a virgin, but at least he wasnât this desperate, nor did he have any inclination to be. If anything, the texts he received from this stranger were making him want sex even less.
And yet⊠he was still pushed into this.
A date around downtown with this girl. She clung to his arm, tried to loop her fingers into his, and yet had absolutely no interest in anything he had to say. At all.
First red flag: she mentioned her ex. Three times. In four minutes. Everything was about what he did wrong to upset her, no self-awareness to be found. Second red flag: the clinginess. Law hated public affection, but any attempts to urge her to give him space resulted in a childish pout and her arms caged around his, almost pulling him to the ground. Third red flag: she couldnât give two shits about Law, in any sense of the word. She wouldnât stop talking about herself. Her looks, her clothes, her favorite music, her favorite shows to binge watch, her distaste for the area of the city they were in, her distaste for the lunch Law had [regretfully] paid for, her distaste for the speckled jeans he decided to wearâŠ
He could feel the premature wrinkles forming in between his eyebrows the longer the date went on. He was starting to wonder if heâd have to throw out the shirt he was wearing later. It already reeked of the too-strong, powdery-scented perfume she bathed herself in.
âWhere do you wanna go?â she suddenly asked, still tugging on his arm.
âI kinda want to stop by the bookstore before we leave,â he suggested, his feet already carrying him, and by extension, her, along the sidewalk to a small bookshop that had just recently opened.
âThe bookstore? What kinda guy brings a girl to a bookstore on a first date?!â she demanded, showing off yet another childish pout. It wasnât a good look on her.
âA guy who knows this girlâs not getting a second date,â he wished he could say. Instead, all the snarky remarks stayed locked inside his weary brain, bouncing around like a caged lion desperate to escape.
The girl didnât make any motions to ditch him to his nerdy reprieve, and instead followed on his heels as he pulled open the bookshopâs door, the familiar, calming scent of new books, fresh paper, and ink filling his nose.
âIt smells gross in here,â the girl huffed.
Aaaand there went Lawâs fleeting moment of peace. Out the window. Down fifteen stories and splattered on the pavement. He needed to violently restrain the eyeroll that begged to appear. His ocular nerves ached to be a dick in the pettiest way possible. He inwardly hoped that by dragging this girl to the most unassuming bookshop would encourage her to leave, call a friend or get a cab to take her back to her home, but alas, she stayed glued to Lawâs side like a lost dog.
She followed behind him as he blindly perused shelves of new and pre-owned books, Lawâs feet subconsciously guiding him to the back of the store where he knew the comic books would be located.
If anything would turn this girl off for good, it had to be his love for all things superhero. His comic book collection would dry her up like a dessert in a drought. Or at least, it fucking better.
His eyes lit up as he approached the expansive comic shelf, immediately spotting the latest print of Sora: Warrior of the Sea- Volume 10. It had finally been officially localized, and he had been saving some of his spending money for this very moment. He eagerly grabbed the book from the shelf, thumbing through the pages.
âHow old even are you?â jeered the girl by his side. âComic books are, like, little kid shit.â
âIâm five years old,â barked Law, refusing to look toward her as he continued to analyze the pages of his favorite series.
To the average onlooker, they both probably looked like complete jackasses towards one another. And while Law was at least brave enough to admit that his behavior was certainly petty, he felt like he was warranted a Get Out Of Jerk Free card for all the painful hours of suffering through this atomic catastrophe of a date had put him through.
âWhatever, Iâm going to find a bathroom,â the girl finally groaned, releasing his arm and trudging through the aisles of books toward the checkout counter to ask an employee where the bathrooms were located.
Law watched her go out of his peripheral vision, refusing to exhale a sigh of profound relief until she was completely out of his line of sight. With shoulders that finally relaxed, free from the overbearing tension, he turned his focus back to the comic in his hands, continuing to thumb through the colorful pages of artwork. He flipped the book around to examine the price, smiling at how reasonable it was. He filled his arms with a few other comics from a series he had been meaning to pick up, and retreated toward the cash registers to buy his books. The sooner he got his treat for this ordeal, the sooner he could get out of here, call this girl a taxi home, and spend the rest of his life as a willingly single comic book mega-nerd.
But reality wouldnât let him off the hook so easily.
Not when the girl sitting behind the register thumbing through another copy of Sora Volume 10 was an absolute bombshell.
When she looked up at Law, her eyes quickly went wide. She placed the book under the register counter and eagerly leaned forward, her hands supporting her over the counter. âAre you alright?â she asked, her voice laced with worry.
Law cocked an eyebrow, confused. âYeah, why?â
âThat girl youâre with is making you miserable. You walked through the door looking like you wanted someone to grant you a mercy killing,â she huffed. Her eyes were clearly concerned. âAre you dating her?â
Law felt his guard dropping without even realizing it the longer he was in the presence of this cashier. âMy friends set me up on a date with her, but Iâm having the absolute worst time of my life.â
The new girlâs own eyebrows angled downward in concern. âDo you want an out?â
âA what?â
âAn out,â she repeated. âAn excuse to get her to leave you alone.â Time was running out. At any moment, she could leave the bathroom.
Law frantically looked back and forth between the cashier and the small, short hallway that led to the single restroom. With pleading, golden eyes, he silently mumbled, âYes, please.â
The cashier kept her eyes on the bathroom door as she began unloading Lawâs hands, spreading his books out on the counter to make it look like she was busy ringing out his purchase. Law watched with an analytical gaze as she fumbled with his items, clearly buying time until the bathroom door opened.
He didnât have time to ask what she was plotting.
The second the door cracked open, the manâs shirt collar was violently clenched in the cashierâs hands as she pulled him over the counter, smushing her lips into his. Lawâs fingers flexed in thin air as he froze, brain completely fried as he was frozen in this sudden kiss.
His first kiss.
âWhat the fuck?!â the girl screeched, exiting the bathroom in a frenzy as she booked it toward the heated exchange happening over the cash register.
The new girl pulled herself away from Lawâs face, but only enough where she could display her best rendition of a weary, tired war-torn wife waiting on a cliffside for her husband to return. âBaby, please just take me back! My life isnât complete without you!â Her voice was cracking as she fake-wailed, her grip on Lawâs shirt never faltering, not even once. The few customers who also occupied the store turned to stare at the commotion, frazzled and befuddled. âNothing in life is as good as it was with you! Iâm in shambles! You were the best sex Iâve ever had!â
It took a few moments for Law to catch on to the ruse. As soon as he put the puzzle pieces together in his mind, however, he was grabbing the wrists of the cashier and bringing his lips back to hers, closing his eyes and trailing his arms up to grasp her face. Completely disregarding the fact that they were still separated by the heavy check-out counter between their torsos.
âYou were dating someone?!â snapped the original girl. âWhy didnât you tell me?!â
Law pulled away from the cashierâs lips, his own skin immediately feeling fifteen degrees colder from the loss of her contact. âI wasnât. Until now.â
The new girl put her arm around Lawâs shoulders from across the check-out counter, her deft fingers caressing his skin through his shirt. âIâm sorry, but Iâm taking him back, I canât stand to be without him any longer! The sight of him with another womanâŠâ she made a show of clenching her chest, âmakes me sick!â She was damn good at this, in a way that almost made Law concerned. The fact that she was pulling all of this out of nowhere, and the fact that her first course of action was this drastic, made Lawâs heart flutter in his chest.
âUgh, whatever. This place sucks ass anyway. Iâm going home.â She finally shouldered her bag and marched out of the shop, her feet stomping across the hardwood floor until the sound of the front door slamming closed finally made the cashier release her arm from Lawâs shoulders.
And once again, the man was feeling oddly cold without the contact. He glanced at her as she started ringing up his items for real. âYouâre⊠a good actor,â he blurted.
The girl hid her face in her arm with shame, an awkward laugh bubbling from her throat. âIâm so sorry, I was trying to think of what to do to help you but when the door opened I panicked.â Her eyes were focused on her work. âIâve been on some absolutely awful dates myself, so I understand. Sometimes Iâve wished I could have Prince Charming swoop me out of the movie theater where a guy made fun of me for my interests the entire run-time.â
His jaw went slack. âAre you serious?â
âDeadass,â she replied, quick as a whip. âInsisted on holding my hand the entire time. I think he was convinced that I had taken him to see a horror movie because I wanted to act scared in front of him, but his hand was so clammy and sticky the whole time. And not in the endearing âAww heâs shy!â kind of way.â
Law wished at that moment that he had more charisma. He was sure one of his friends would be able to pull a witty, flirty quip from their asses like it was nothing, but Lawâs personal dictionary of flattery was nonexistent as it was. He balked while he listened to the cashier who just took his breath away lamenting about her own poor experiences with dating, and he was sure that her example in this moment was only one of many. Instead of continuing the conversation, his mind blanked. He stated, more like whispered, âThat was my first kiss.â
The girlâs hands stopped scanning his books halfway through. Her wide eyes darted up to Lawâs, her jaw slack. âIt⊠It was?â
âYeah.â
Her hands flew to cover her mouth, eyes wide with shock. âOh my god⊠oh my god, Iâm so sorry!â She dropped her head onto the counter, covering her despair with both of her arms now. âFirst kisses are supposed to be special and I just took yourâs away from youâŠâ
Law shocked himself by smiling at the weary display in front of him. âIf it makes you feel any better, that was far better than the date I was on. But Iâm sure you already knew that.â
She picked her head up, a trembling hand grabbing one of his last books to scan. Her eyes nervously darted back and forth as she silently worked, once in a while sucking her bottom lip in with her teeth before releasing the flesh. She was clearly lost in an intense inner turmoil.
âItâs really alright,â Law muttered, now growing shy himself. He was just now realizing the gravity of what had happened⊠and how truly adorable this girl was.
She tapped a few buttons on her cash register before finally making eye contact with him again. âYou are a pretty good kisser⊠youâre really sure youâve never done that before?â
He affirmatively shook his head. âNever. Iâve never been⊠popular with the dating scene,â he muttered. âHence this awful set-up date.â
The cashierâs eyes went wide again momentarily. âThatâs kind of surprising to me⊠I would think someone like you would get any girl you wanted.â
Law backpedaled. âWhat does that mean?â
She pulled his total up on the small screen that faced him. She was turning away from him as if to hide her face, her entire expression teeming with a child-like embarrassment. âWell, youâre crazy hot, for starters. And you like Sora, clearly.â
Law felt a smirk emerge on his lips. âIs Sora one of your only qualifiers for a decent partner?â He began to rekindle some of the confidence he had lost throughout the day. The longer he spent in this girlâs presence, the more he felt the tension in his body leaving.
She grinned, the stress in her shoulders from her own actions finally releasing. âOnly guys with fluffy black hair and golden eyes that read Sora, if you want my honest answer.â
Now this was flirting. Law had to admit, he was pretty pleased with this sudden turn of events. The atmosphere this girl radiated was immensely calming, allowing him to chip through his reinforced walls just enough to feel like a somewhat normal person. He started to wonder if she could break through his barriers even more.
âWhatâs your name?â he finally asked, taking out his credit card and swiping it through the machine to finally cash out his order.
The girl excitedly revealed her name. âAnd yourâs?â
âTrafalgar Law,â he replied. âI go to North Blue University for med school in the next town over.â
âNo shit, so do I! Iâm getting a worker's license there,â she added, her expression shifting from one of moderate happiness to one of excitement. âI doubt weâve had any of the same classes, but we should hang out sometime! Get coffee, maybe talk about SoraâŠâ Her voice trailed off, her eyes growing soft. âUnless youâve been completely turned off to dating after what youâve clearly just been through.â
Law took a few moments to ponder over her words, watching as the receipts for his purchase slowly emerged from the thermal printer. âI think I can make an exception this time.â
The smile that broke out on the girlâs face may as well have blinded him. She was truly dazzling, even in her ratty-looking employee apron and an oversized T-shirt accounting for her work attire.
Law placed his new assortment of books into his own bag, the girl snatching his receipts from the printer and stashing one of the copies in the drawer below the counter. When he looked back up, she was holding out his second receipt, folded in half. She gave him a fond smile when he took it.
âI hope youâre able to relax later today, and enjoy your books!â she called, waving to Law as he exited the store.
Once outside again, the air felt clearer now that he was alone. The day was still young, hardly a cloud in the sky and a pleasant breeze coasting through the city. He looped his bag over his shoulder and opened the receipt, peering at what was written on the backside.
Call me for Sora⊠and for just me ;) <3 1125-354-9854
#x reader#reader insert#fem reader#one piece x reader#law x reader#op x reader#trafalgar law x reader#trafalgar d water law x reader#trafalgar d water law#trafalgar law#law oneshot#request fics
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what r some fics that shaped your psyche? you have so many good recs im currently rereading the to an athlete dying young series
hello! you sent me this ask ages ago and i've been meaning to get to it ever since. (it took me so long to answer that i'm sure you've reread to an athlete dying young by @sonosvegliato many times over by now but hell yeah, what a good one.)
these are a few fics--dc and beyond--that have been in my "in case of emergency" epub folder (aka fics i want to have on hand immediately to reread on bad days, or good days, or even average days) for a few years now. so here is an extremely incomplete list of fics that have shaped my psyche!
for dc specifically--if i tried to list all of them i would just end up repeating my whole fic rec tag, so these are just a few of the ones i read when i was getting into this fandom that stayed with me/made me want to seek out more for these characters:
đž surveillance series by @smilebackwards
this series located the tim drake center of my brain and lit it up like the vegas strip.
đ like a hinge, like a wing by @bonesbuckleup
one of my go-to rereads for pangs; chapter one is a masterclass in tension. also, one of my favorite pre-robin tim pov fics of all time.
đ» nominal by @unpretty
"you don't get it, batman is a comedy" --conversation i've had with multiple people using this fic as my thesis statement.
đ the jingle jangle morning by @audreycritter
the moment somebody in my vicinity says "i love dick grayson" i'm on their doorstep with this fic url.
đ a meditation on railroading by @eggmacguffin
there's a moment in this fic known among my friends as "baby wipes jason" and it has successfully converted no less than three people to the fandom.
and then for non-dc fic:
đ atlas by @megafaunatic (mdzs & tgcf)
did i read this before i had a single clue who the characters were? yes. did i return to it once i did and lose my mind a little? yes. lore etymologyplayground writes that âso so so in love and pining so hard the lines between us are blurring and we havenât made a move yet but itâs inevitableâ flavor with such a deft hand; it is in fact called the lorezone. if any friends-to-lovers pining i write can achieve even 50% of a lorezone i will have done my job.
đȘż If they caught you by @feyburner (tgcf)
i go back to this when i think about setup and payoff, when i think about subtle misdirects, when i think about the monumental task of creating whole compelling new characters in 6k words.
đ§Ș away childish things by lettered (hp)
one of the best de-aging trope stories i've ever read; i think of this when i want to take a trope to its maximum potential and then go: no wait, there's even more.
(another fav de-aging fic is grow by @cafecliche; shorter plot but no less pangs đ±)
đĄ in defiance of all geometry by @idiopath-fic-smile (les mis)
a fic that's a perfect reread when i need something cozy and full of character, and a perfect touchstone when i'm pondering something where the world may not hang in the balance but the stakes still matter.
đ The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (cql/mdzs)
paragon of metahumor, basically. i think of this when i want to write something that's funny in both text and form.
đ and his wanting grows teeth by @yuebings (cql/mdzs)
masterclass in pangy backstory reveal; the way the first scene loops back around to punch you in the gut long after you've forgotten it will forever be seared into my brain.
also, most answers on this list fit the bill!
(apologies again that this answer is so belated; it took me ages to write up partially because i kept stopping to reread these fics every time i tried.)
#also sorry for not having any consistent formatting in my reclists#i tagged authors whose tumblrs i know/are linked to ao3! happy to remove the tag if anyone prefers#fic rec#asks#batfam
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"You slashed his tires?" Dick asked, disappointed at the upcoming answer. (Batfamily Chronicles Microfiction Series)
Inspired by Class of 09 mostly cause I imagine Jason would be there for Roy as a friend. I'm aware the characters that most of these lines are connected to are clinically insane, but I wanted to write this because I like their dynamic and it's just my silly headcanon fanfic.
Dick Grayson: Jason, I've been questioning this since you became friends with Roy.
Jason Todd (staring into his coffee): You're jealous he's my friend and not yours.
Dick (sincere): No, you're a good influence on him, I'm not upset about that. I noticed Oliver Queen seems to hate you a lot. Why?
Jason: We... We didn't have the best first meet up when I became friends with Roy.
Dick sat down and waved his hand for Jason to continue.
Dick: I have to hear this.
Jason: Okay... Itâs a really funny story, youâre gonna laugh by the end of it.
Dick: I doubt it, but go on.
---Flashback (inspired by Class of 09)---
Roy and Jason entered Oliver Queen's mansion. Jason looks around, amazed to be in another rich person's house that isnât his dadâs.
Roy: You think that cop bought our story?
Jason: Yeah, the other guy confirmed it while we ran off... weâre good. Iâll be right back; I have to fix this.
Roy watches as Jason walks over to a tilted painting in Oliver Queenâs house.
Roy: What are you doing?
Jason Todd (examining a framed picture of a flower): I canât deal with this painting being crooked.
Jason aligns the frame. Roy laughs until he hears footsteps descending the stairs. He knows his father made it home early. Oliver Queen sees Roy and a strange man in his foyer.
Oliver Queen: Where have you been?
Roy Harper: I donât know, are you a cop now?
Oliver: No note, no textâ you could have died!
Roy: With how you handled my drug use, would you have cared?
Oliver: Get over it; youâre fine.
Jason (walking over): Roy, whyâs this asshole yelling at you?
Oliver: And whoâs this?
Roy: My⊠new friend.
Jason: We were at the mall, by the way, so you can stop grilling Roy.
Oliver: So Iâm supposed to believe you two were at the mall all night?
Roy: What do you mean âall nightâ? We were there for like, what⊠two or three hours?
Jason (looking around): Yeah, two and a half. Like the show.
Oliver: Itâs 1 in the morning!
Jason: Damn, we hung out with that guy that long?
Oliver: What guy?
Roy (nervous): Nobody.
Oliver: What guy, Roy?
Roy: Nobody!
Oliver: Tell me!
Roy (frustrated): Oh my God.
Oliver: Tell me or your friend has to go home!
Jason (amused): Cool, an ultimatum.
Roy (losing his cool): You really want to know?
Oliver: Yes! What guy was this?
Roy (shouting): The crackhead in front of the mall we sold weed to!
Oliver (shocked): Where did you even getâoh, youâre so stupid!
Roy: Oh, so you hate homeless people too?!
Oliver: My opinions about the homeless community are not the issue here! Dealing drugs in publicâdealing drugs in general- it doesnât matter if you sold them to get rid of them! How can you be so idiotic?!
Jason, irritated at Oliver yelling at his friend, steps in.
Jason: It was actually kind of smart.
Oliver (indignant): Excuse me?
Jason: You better fix your fucking tone with me before I slash your tires!
Oliver (offended): Who are you talking to?!
Jason: Iâm talking to you, Green Arrow!
Oliver: How did youâ
Roy: Ollie, funny storyâ
Oliver: Did you sell him crack or heroin? Did you tell him who I was for that smack, Roy?!
Roy, rubbing his arm shamefully, remains silent.
Jason: Who says âsmackâ? You 1950s gangster! I also love how you didnât pretend you werenât him; thatâs how stupid you are! We sold weed to a crackhead, because what would a crackhead want with weed? Cops wonât expect that shit! Itâs genius!
Oliver (mocking): Genius, really?!
Jason: Yeah! And heâs been sober for a few freaking years! So lay off him! We sold the weed because we had it left over from a mission! A mission you werenât on! What did you want us to do, keep it? Thatâs dumb! We did a business deal and got rid of evidence. You should be thankful we donât have it!
Roy (defiant): Yeah, so... why donât you shut the fuck up?!
Oliver (smirk): What if I have you arrested? Youâll be able to walk, since your plan is so bulletproof!
Roy: No, wait, donât do that!
Jason: Go the fuck ahead, asshole. Theyâll believe us because weâre young and youâre old and dried up.
Oliver: Thatâs it, I donât want you hanging out with him anymore!
Jason (angry): He can hang out with whoever the fuck he wants, bitch! So why donât you go to your room, pour your little Cognac, watch M.A.S.H, and shut the fuck up or Iâll shove an arrow up your urethra!
Oliver: I can't believe you'd say that!
Oliver busted into tears and runs off.
Jason: God, that felt good. Wish I could say that to my dad.
Roy: Why donât you?
Jason: Heâll write me out of the will.
Roy: Wow, huh... I think you broke him, so yeah, I get not saying that to Bruce.
Jason: I did break him... Awesome. Iâm glad I defended you.
Roy: Honestly, I appreciate that, but we should leave. Heâs going to be sobbing for a while.
Jason: And watching M.A.S.H?
Roy: Itâs not on tonight.
---End of Flashback---
Jason: Then I stole some stuff from his fridge, slashed his tires, and weâve had animosity toward each other ever since. Man, those were crazy times. Guess he hasnât forgotten about it.
Jason sighed contentedly.
Dick (rubbing his forehead, exhausted): You do realize how that wasnât okay, right?
Jason: Yes, but I helped Roy when he was struggling and got that Oliver prick off his case. Iâve done a lot for Roy, especially in helping him get full custody of his daughter. Oliver should be appreciating what his son has become. I am such a good person, you know that?
Dick (chuckling): I donât disagree. At least youâre not the only one Oliver dislikes.
Jason: Who else does he hate?
Dick: Bruce. Long story.
#batfamily#batman#jason todd#roy harper#oliver queen#green arrow#arsenal#batfamily chronicles#red hood#dick grayson#batfamily shenanigans#inspired by class of 09#batfamily headcanons#batfam shenanigans#roy and jason#bruce wayne#batfamily wholesome#batfamily fanfiction#this is my headcanon#jayroy#i love their friendship#Jason would do this for a friend#batfamily comedy#batfamily funny#jason todd and roy harper#flash fiction#yes roy harper was addicted to drugs#roy harper and jason todd#oliver queen leave them alone Jason has a point#aww they're bonding through their trauma
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school boy crush (h.j)
hello!! đ©· i was watching the mv for gone away and thought about this idea for hanji! đ„° i hope you guys really like it đ„č
feedback is greatly appreciated đ„°
Chan and Jisung walk through the doors of their favorite coffee shop. "How do you feel about doing a writing session later?" Jisung asks the older member, quickly looking up at him.
"Yeah, for sure. You already asked Bin about it?" Chan mentions while the two wait in line.
Jisung nods his head in response, typing a message to the other member as they speak. "Of course, I did. It wouldn't be a 3RACHA writing session if Changbinnie wasn't there," he laughs, locking his phone after sending the text.
Chan laughs and agrees with his statement. He steps up to the cashier before giving his order. "You want coffee?" He asks Jisung, quickly glancing back.
"Yes, please," Jisung answers politely, offering him his card. Chan shakes his head, telling Jisung that he's got it. "You bought it last time. Let me do it, hyung."
"Fine, fine," Chan sighs and grabs the card from his hands.
After paying for the drinks, the two members move towards the pick-up counter. Both Chan and Jisung scroll through their phones as they wait for their drinks to be ready. Three loud knocks on the window startle the two members, and they look back to see you standing outside the café.
You wave at them before rushing into the coffee shop. "Hi, Chan! Hi Hanji!" You greet them with a quick hug.
Jisung's heart starts pounding in his chest, the scent of your perfume reaching his nose. "Hi," he whispers, wishing the hug you gave him lasted a smidge longer.
"I thought you were busy today," Chan mentions after greeting you.
"Yeah, I thought I was too," you scoff, rolling your eyes. The barista calls out Chan's name, and the brunette holds a finger up to stop you, turning to grab their drinks.
He hands Jisung his before the three of you walk out of the café. "So, what happened?" Chan asks.
The three of you walk down the street together, the two members slowly sucking down their drinks. "This fucking guy messaged me this morning and said that he couldn't make it," you inform him while crossing your arms over your chest.
"Really?" Chan groans, shaking his head. "I told you he wasn't good for you."
Jisung looks between the two of you, staying silent in the conversation. "I know, but I thought he'd be different," you sigh, tilting your head back.
The younger member's heart clenches in his chest at the sight of you. "Well, listen," Chan pipes up, snapping Jisung from his gaze. "We don't have anywhere to be for a couple of hours. Why don't we do some shopping?"
"I don't want to intrude," you mention to them, your eyes dancing between the two members.
"You're not," Jisung intervenes, holding a hand out. He smiles softly at you and tears his gaze from you, feeling his cheeks warm up. "I promise."
"Okay," you cave, grinning widely.
Chan and Jisung look at one another before returning their eyes to you. "Great!" Chan excitedly says, clapping his hands together. "Let me go call our driver. I'll be right back."
Jisung watches as Chan walks back into the coffee shop, not wanting the noisy streets to disrupt the phone call. You stand beside Jisung with your hands shoved into your pockets.
A part of you wishes you could talk to him more. You think he's a really cool guy, after all the stories Chan has told you. But, every time you get the chance, you get nervous.
"I'm sorry," Jisung says suddenly, getting you out of your head. You glance up at him as he keeps his gaze on the sidewalk. "About that guy ditching you. He's an idiot."
Your heart flutters in your chest, and you release a deep breath. "It's okay," you reassure him. "It's his loss."
He nods his head in agreement, taking a quick glance at you. "Definitely," Jisung chuckles before taking a sip of his coffee.
You make eye contact with one another, and both of you look away just as fast. You press your lips together as Chan rejoins you.
"Okay," he mentions, shoving his phone into his pocket, "Skijigi said he'll be here in five minutes."
"Are you sure you guys want to spend part of the day with me?" You ask the two of them while you wait.
Both Chan and Jisung scoff at your question, making your eyes widen. "We couldn't be more sure right, Hannie?" Chan nudges the member's shoulder.
"Right, for sure," Jisung agrees, running a hand through his hair.
A black SUV pulls up to the curb, and Chan walks to the vehicle first. He opens the back door before greeting the staff members inside. Jisung gets into the vehicle next, and you follow closely, sliding in afterward.
Your thigh brushes against Jisung's, and you swear you could combust right here. You place your hands in your lap as the two members start to look through their phones again.
You find yourself looking back and forth from Jisung to what's going on outside. The ride to the nearest shopping center, thankfully, doesn't take that long. You're not sure how much longer you can take being in close proximity.
Once the car parks outside of the large building, you quickly get out. You tuck some hair behind your ear as the other two get out after. Chan leads the three of you into the shopping mall, and you thank him while walking past him.
"You doing okay?" Chan asks as you walk around.
You hum and nod your head. "Yeah, I'm alright," you tell him while lifting your head.
"Han didn't offend you or anything while I was on the phone?" He questions, intentions of scolding his member in mind. "Because the two of you are acting a little strange."
"No, no, God no," you shake your head, resting a hand on Chan's arm. "He just⊠he makes me a little nervous."
A knowing smirk grows on Chan's lips as he glances towards Jisung. "He does? I didn't know that," he giggles, nudging you lightly.
You roll your eyes, and you shove him. "Shut up!" You laugh a little too loud, capturing Jisung's attention.
He eyes the two of you cautiously before looking forward again. The smile on your lips drops after noticing the sad look in his brown eyes.
"Don't tell him I told you this," Chan whispers into your ear as you all walk into a store, "but you make him nervous too."
Your breath hitches in your throat as you look back up at him. "I do?" You whisper.
"One hundred percent," he giggles.
From where you're standing, you can see Jisung looking through the men's section. Your hands are still on the clothes you're looking through when his eyes meet yours. You smile at him before looking back at the clothes.
"You two would be cute," Chan hums, teasing you lightly.
"I hate you," you laugh, shoving the older member away from you.
Chan giggles some more before walking away from you. You smile to yourself as you find an article of clothing you really like. It's a pair of baggy jeans, something you've been trying to get into recently.
"These are so cute," you whisper to yourself while toying with the price tag, checking it. A gasp leaves your lips, and you put them back, not being able to afford them right now.
"Whatcha looking at?" Jisung whispers, startling you from your thoughts.
You jump in your spot, taking a couple of steps to your right. Jisung smiles softly at you while glancing towards the pair of jeans.
"I found these jeans I like, but I just⊠can't afford them right now," you chuckle nervously, shuffling your hair.
"I'm sure Chan would get them for you," he mentions while checking them out as well.
You shake your head, and you begin to walk away. "I can't ask him to do that. I'll just wait on them," you tell him, motioning for him to follow.
Jisung watches you leave the store, meeting up with Chan. He makes sure you're distracted before grabbing the jeans you were admiring.
~
Hyunjin's hands cover your eyes as he leads you blindly into their dorm. Giggles leave your lips while you hold both of your hands out, making sure not to run into anything.
âIs this necessary?â You ask aloud, attempting to turn to look at Hyunjin.
âYes! Hush now,â he says with a light huff. âOn three, you can open your eyes.â
You nod your head, and Hyunjin begins to count down. As soon as he says one, your eyes open.
âSurprise!â The rest of the members stand in the kitchen, a cute cake sitting on the table.
Your jaw drops as your eyes instantly find Chan's, knowing it was his idea. He walks up to you first and brings you into his chest.
âHappy Birthday, Y/N,â Chan smiles, messing up your hair a bit.
A groan leaves your lips, and you playfully push him away from you. You fix your hair and thank them, leaning forward to blow the candle on the cake out.
âYou guys didn't have to do this,â you mention while Jisung grabs a few gift bags.
He sets them on the coffee table, motioning for you to sit down. âWe wanted to,â Jisung smiles at you and sits next to you.
Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much, feeling really grateful to have friends like them. You thank the members before grabbing one of the gift bags.
The gifts begin to pile beside you, having one more gift left. âI still think you guys didn't need to buy me anything,â you chuckle while grabbing the small card, noticing that it's from Jisung.
âWell, Chan wouldn't let us be the gift,â Seungmin jokes, sitting on the arm of the chair.
Chan smacks the back of his head playfully, telling the younger member to shush. âYou're an important person in our lives. You deserve to let us treat you,â Chan explains with a smile.
You smile widely while opening the card in your hands. You read the sweet message he wrote on it, finding yourself blushing a bit. You glance towards Jisung and see him holding out a medium-sized gift.
A quiet thank you comes from your lips, tucking the card back into the envelope. You grab the wrapped gift from him before gently opening it. âJisung,â you gasp at the sight of the jeans you wanted.
âHappy Birthday,â he whispers loud enough for you to hear.
âThank you again,â you smile at him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.
His cheeks blush, and he looks down at his lap after you pull away. You pull the pair of jeans out from the gift box, showing the other members.
âOh, those are so cute!â Hyunjin mentions while reaching for them. âJisung, you bought this?â
Hyunjin's eyes dance towards the younger member. Jisung raises his head and clears his throat. âY-Yeah, after noticing how much Y/N wanted them,â he explains, wondering how red his face is.
Your heart flutters in your chest as you look back at Jisung. âI love it,â you tell him, nudging his arm with yours.
âI'm glad,â he whispers to you again, moving to rest his hand on your leg.
âBoys,â Chan says, capturing everyone's attention. âWhy don't we go get some wine to celebrate?â
The others start to agree, and you watch the seven of them walk towards the door to their apartment. Jisung stands up from the couch, and Chan stops him.
âStay here and keep the birthday girl company,â he mentions with a smirk, causing Jisung's eyes to widen slightly.
You look between Jisung and Chan before chuckling softly. âThey'll be back soon,â you reassure Jisung, patting the seat next to you.
He sits back down beside you as the front door shuts. Silence fills the apartment, and you start to gather your gifts in one pile, picking up the wrapping paper.
âYou like what you got?â Jisung asks after a few minutes, his eyes on you.
You nod your head while sitting back down, patting his thigh gently. âI do. I appreciate you guys so much,â you mention with a sigh. You rest your head against the back of the couch, admiring his side profile. âCan I ask you something?â
âOf course,â he says, turning his head towards you.
âDid you buy the jeans when we went shopping? Is that why you took so long?â You question.
He nods his head in answer, adjusting his seating position. âYou looked so defeated when you saw the price. I just wanted to make you happy,â Jisung explains, his boba eyes meeting yours.
âYou make me so happy,â you sigh, reaching a hand out to comb it through his hair.
âReally?â
You nod your head and glide your hand down to his cheek. You stroke the supple skin before leaning in. You can hear his breath hitch in his throat, and your heart beats wildly against your chest.
âIs it okay if I kiss you?â You ask him, not wanting him to be uncomfortable.
âGod, please,â he mumbles.
You giggle and connect your lips with his. A groan comes from him as he immediately kisses you back. The kiss doesn't last for long, Jisung pulling back after a minute or so.
âI like you a lot,â he rambles, resting his forehead on yours.
âI couldn't have guessed,â you tease him, giggling before kissing the tip of his nose. He scoffs playfully, pushing you lightly. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him back towards you. âI like you too, Han Jisung. So, so, so much.â
~
tagging: @strawboorybunny @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @moon0fthenight @foxinnie8 @like-a-diamondinthesky @prettymiye0n
#han jisung#han jisung imagine#han jisung imagines#han jisung x y/n#han jisung x you#han jisung x reader#han jisung scenarios#han jisung fluff#han jisung fanfiction#han jisung fanfic#han jisung fic#han jisung drabbles#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids imagine#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#stray kids x y/n#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fic#stray kids drabbles#stray kids scenarios#stray kids fluff
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Jerk [Marc Spector x GN!Reader]
Summary: Despite having plans for a date with you after meeting with his ex-wife, Marc seems to have suddenly gone off communication, leaving you to be a bundle of nerves until you decided to call him. Heavily inspired by episode 3 of scenes from a marriage. Word Count: 2k Warnings: Angst with no comfort !!!!!!!!! foul language, Steven cameo (that's a sweet surprise than a warning), no mention of jake A/N: Gosh! I apologize for being super late with this one,, this was meant to be a drabble but i got carried away lol. And I'm a little rusty with writing atm, so don't look at me if the writing feels a lil wonky. though, Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated! PS; The ex-wife mentioned in this is NOT layla its some other lady because we love layla in this household
REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
The drawn out rings of the phone was slowly aiding to a upcoming migraine as you paced between rooms, silently praying that you would get an answer to your frantic texts. A rather uneventful Friday night that you expected to spend with the person you were recently seeing, an unpredictably mysterious man, had come to an abrupt stop.
There was a lot you didn't know about Marc Spector; and that was okay, because it was just the process of 'getting to know someone' was, right? Sure, You had rambled your head off on the first date, all which he listened carefully; but with Marc, you never felt the need to push information out of him. It was like befriending an fragile animal that takes time to trust, but the epiphany that comes after is unexplainably amazing.
Growing from acquaintances to actually seeing each other and looking forward to spending time as a couple was unrealistic, which was why your entire relationship was so fascinating. The patience of talking things out was a quality that you both shared; likely being the reason of such a bond with each other. If anyone would listen, you would never stop talking about how perplexing that was.
As you both started building a line of trust, You came to learn that he was divorced and was in the process of sorting things out with his ex-loverâ which, of course, you were fine with. And today, he had mentioned about her coming over, which you were also on board with. But with the plans that were arranged for today still being overdue and Marc falling off the face of earth, you couldn't help but feel.. jealous? worry, even?
It was exactly why you were frantically texting your boyfriend, questioning on where he was and if his ex-wife had taken her leave. The only response that you received was being left entirely on delivered, adding fuel to your already anxious state. You felt like you were just being extremely clingyâ and that they were probably still talking.
Your gaze travelled to the clock. 15 minutes to 1 am. Holy fuck. Had you really been texting him for over an hour? Had it been over two hours since you had set your dinner table, waiting for him? The latest that Marc had promised he would be was by 10:30, so it was just utterly ridiculous that it was past midnight and he was still unresponsive.
Swiftly grabbing the unopened bottle of wine kept on your table and making it to the couch, You set your phone down on the coffee table as you took a swing of the drink. It was crazy how this entire thing had gotten you so riled up, but as much as you hated to admit it, you were head over heels for this guy. So committed infact, that you were desperately checking on him for the past two hours; that you haven't even had your own dinner yet. One last call. Maybe he'll pick up.
That was the words that your guilty conscious prompted while you sat in the uncomfortable silence, eyes falling on the phone that lay discarded on the table. Obviously, you were going to feed into your thoughts. Of course you did.
And much to your surprise, it only took three rings to connect to the voice that you were just waiting to hearâ but it didn't take you long to notice that it came off in a growl, much to the contrast of the soft spoken tone that Marc usually carried.
"Marc?" "Hey." You let out a sigh of relief, shaking your head ever so slightly at your own frantic actions. Atleast he was doing okay. "Are you okay? Where have you been? I've beenâ"
"Good. Uh, yeah, but listen, it's not cool to, like, bombard me with messages."
There was a short pause where you sat slightly bewildered. before you felt yourself sink into the seat, like a child who had just been scolded. Even with guilt creeping up, You wanted to still defend your own case, which was the endless worrying you had endured for the past hour, waiting for anything from Marc. Just a simple notice to cancel their date for the night or even to say that he was okay. But instead, You were simply left in the dark.
"Because you were supposed to call me, Marc."
"I told you, I'd call you when she left." "Oh, so she hasn't gone yet?" "No, She hasn't. She's still here." Sipping from the glass of wine and setting it onto the table nearby, your mind was quick to rush into many conclusions, but you kept your mouth shut. Whatever they had to discuss must have been really important. "Isn't it late? How are you both still talking?" "No, Sheâ She's in bed." An exhale could be heard from the other end, as your brows furrowed. In bed? Marc lived in a single bedroom, so did that mean he was taking the couch? But before you could even question it, it was like the male at the other end had almost read your mind, because he immediately cleared your doubts, Albeit, you would have wished he never said anything. "..My bed." Oh. Feeling betrayed and lost would be an understatement of how you currently felt. Confused even, to some extend as a steady silence began to occupy the call. You weren't quite sure how Marc wanted you to respond to that. Did he want to hear you weep from the other side? Or be upset at him? Maybe even yell a few select choices of words for wasting your time? But instead of any of that, pure silence rang through the call and if it weren't for Marc checking if the call was still running, he would've thought you hung up. "Hello?"
The feeling of being let down was coursing through your veins at this point, making itself obvious with the lump that grew in your throat and how you stiffened up in your seat. You weren't sure what exactly to feel, a floodgate on sadness and anger opening like it was a pent up dam that was released. You sniffled quietly, trying to bite back the tears that were pricking at the corner of your eyes. It was unfair how distraught you felt. Another audible exhale could be heard, before you heard Marc's voice again. You weren't even sure why you felt like crying, but it was clear that this wouldn't end well. "Look, I'm suggesting that we should take a break because this is just not.. Not working out right now." "When did it work out, Marc?" "Whâ What are you talking about?" "I said." You spoke, recollecting yourself in a suspiciously gentle manner. "When were you not trying to use me as a way to move on?"
It was his turn to grow silent, and that was pretty much the answer you needed. To think that you gave him the chance, thinking that maybe this time around you could actually be with someone who caredâ There were no other words to describe what you've been this entire time. You were foolish. "Goodnight. Sleep well." You'd be lying if you said that you didn't still want him to come back to you. Justify himself properly. Say that this was all some sick joke. But you were also aware that there was probably nothing that would save this. Still, You stayed when he spoke up again, for whatever reason. "Stop. Just Listen. This doesn't have to be.. what you think it is, I just need time to collect myself and honestly, I've been feeling for a while thatâ"
The urge to laugh was overbearing, and you didn't hold back. "You're so full of shit, Marc." Anger was finally settling in before the male at the other end could even respond to your words, but this wasn't about being courteous anymore. It felt like if Marc had cared for you even a little, this wouldn't have happened like it did. "Own up to what you're doing, asshole. I know you like to evade your responsibilities but just for once, if you have any respect for me, stand up like a man and say it to my face so I can just accept the fact that I've wasted my time and effort on you."
"Okay, Let me stop you here before you say anything else that you're gonna regret."
"No, fuck you. The only thing I regret is thinking that you actually cared enough to be with me. Turns out, your only concern is keeping yourself occupied and acting like you don't give a shit about everything that leaves you. You're a selfish prick."
"Fine. It's over then."
"Good. Lose my number and Have a good fucking night, Spector." The call was immediately cut, and so was the brightness of the candle that you had lit earlier by the dinner table. The dimness eased your volatile temper, but it bought the dejection and uneasiness that had failed to show up during the call. There was an option for you to cry it all out, but for reason, you didn't. A soft sigh escaped your pursed lips as you rubbed your eyes. Maybe you'd end up bawling your eyes out about this when you were nestled into the cold embrace of your bed.
You didn't even feel hungry anymore; so shoving the pasta that you had cooked hours prior into the fridge and cleaning up, you tried your best not to think of everything that just happened, which was difficult in it's own volition. It was just a few dates, so you were technically the one in the wrong for letting your guard down so easily and falling for a man who barely talked to you. That conclusion stung a little, but it helped you feel better as you picked up your phone and the bottle of wine againâ too exhausted to take off the gorgeous outfit you had picked out for the night as you opened tinder; trying to scroll away like you were gonna move on.
â
On the other side, Marc had made the mistake of pacing through his room as he made the call, biting his cheeks as it reached it's abrupt and upsetting end. Guilt did lace his features, but reminding himself that this was the last he would ever hear from you made the circumstances a little less horrible. Glancing at the phone as his thumb hovered over your contact, He heard a meek voice call out to him. Not that of his ex-wife, but that of Steven'sâ who had seen everything from the reflection of the mirror that Marc found himself standing before. "Marc.." The reflection called out to him, a clearly disappointed expression lacing his features as he tried to find the words to even begin expressing how regrettable this would be. Steven didn't have to elaborate, though, because in the few seconds that Marc met Steven's concerned eyes, he knew this would just add into the contrition that already plagued his mind.
Marc tore himself away from Steven who made a lowly attempt at trying to reason with him; walking back to where he had just been previously. It was because Steven knew, and so did he, that he found what it felt like to be loved again through you. But he was undeserving of it. With everything he has done and all the secrets that he hid, he only deserved the toxic relation he had with his ex, which atleast kept his needs at bay; a fair trade for all the arguments he had with her. You were right about him being a selfish jerk. Though it was for all for the wrong reasons.
#marc spector x reader#moon knight x you#moonknight x reader#steven grant#steven grant x reader#steven grant x you#marc spector x y/n#marc spector x you#marc spector fanfiction#marc spector#marc spector fic#marc spector angst#moon knight x reader#jake lockely x reader#jake lockley x reader#jake lockley x you#moon knight x y/n
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FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 0:42:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. [âŠ] FTC: HEY BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND. FTC: what all seems to be the motherfuckin problem? :o) [âŠ] CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD FTC: i'm in your future, best friend. FTC: I KNOW WHERE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ARE. FTC: and what you'll motherfuckin do. [âŠ] FTC: and also. [âŠ] FTC: i'm all about to be meeting up some friends. :o) [âŠ] FTC: i wonder if you can all be at with me in time and make me get my reconsider on?
... is it just me, or does it kind of sound like Gamzee's asking for help here?
Instead of directly threatening his friend, he's asking if Karkat will help him 'reconsider' - almost as though there's a piece of him that doesn't want to be trapped in a murderous rage, and it's trying to make itself heard.
Do I spot some ominous purple text in the corner?
I do.
Well, Terezi isnât the worst person for Gamzee to run into on his rampage. A Seer like her will immediately understand that he's snapped - and she's no slouch in the combat department, either, so I don't think she'll be easy pickings.
Things might get dicey, however, if Gamzee pulls out the power he used against the Black King. We have no idea what that even looks like - but Terezi does, so she at least shouldn't be blindsided by it.
Anyway, what does our resident detective make of the dearly departed Tavros?
Before the full investigation is underway, a legislacerator will always have a chief suspect in mind. The one she will hold guilty until proven otherwise, a process customarily taking place after the execution.
That sounds about right for the Alternian âjusticeâ system. Iâd ask what happens if a suspect is proven innocent after their execution, but that presupposes that Alternia even has a concept of 'proving someone innocent'.
In any case, a stopped clock is still right twice a day, and Terezi's corrupt methods have lead her to the correct culprit. What's her next move?
Above, you detect faint traces of what you reckon to be special stardust, such as the kind left behind by the flapping wings of a mischievous fairy.
I knew Tereziâs sense of smell was impressive, but I didnât think she could go full bloodhound. She really is the most well-equipped troll for this new, more dangerous Veil.
And not far from that, you detect bright trails of white light. It smells... hopeful.
All three killers are in the vicinity, then.
... look at me, already calling Gamzee a killer. To our knowledge, he hasn't harmed anyone thus far - but I'm fully convinced he intends to, based purely on the strength of his most recent Pesterlogs.
The writing there was genuinely impressive. In just a few dozen lines, Hussie has completely sold me on the idea that the funny meme clown is dead fucking serious about violently murdering his friends.
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