#writing from tims pov surprisingly VERY hard

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton, The Outsiders (1983), The Outsiders: The Musical - Jamestown Revival & Levine/Rapp Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Darrel "Darry" Curtis Jr. & Tim Shepard, Tim Shepard & Dallas Winston, Darrel Curtis & Dallas Winston Characters: Darrel "Darry" Curtis Jr., Tim Shepard, Dallas Winston, Ponyboy Curtis, Curly Shepard, Angela Shepard, Two-Bit Mathews, Steve Randle, Sodapop Curtis Additional Tags: Angst, Like quite a bit, im so sorry guys, apparently i dont know how to write anything else, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt No Comfort, sorryyyyy, me putting my characters through the metaphorical meat grinder Summary:

Tim goes out looking for the fight Dallas was clearly begging for and finds it OR Tim on being the on the outside looking in

[jupitermelichios]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the the wonderful @irolltwenties​ (which goves some way to provie my theory that any conversation which starts with someone yelling “motherfucking Lex Luthor” is always going to be a possitive interaction)

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

According to AO3 I published 122,561 words across 15 fics in 2020, which is wild. The only year I’ve published more words that than was 2012, and this year’s words are definitely of a higher quality! I really thought I’d been unproductive this year!

A lot of my very favourite things I’ve written this year are unposted WIPs, and some of them are sadly likely to stay that way - I publish maybe half of what I write, because I have far more ideas than free time - so shout out to ‘I Would Die For You a Thousand Times’, ‘A Boy With a Crooked Shadow’ and ‘let me take you by the hand (and drag you through the streets of london)’, which most of you will probably never have the chance to read, and the fic which definitely isn’t going to be titled ‘Dick Goes Deep on Daddy Issues’ which hopefully you one day will!

Also picking 5 is surprisingly difficult this year. I’m definitely one of the people who writes exactly the fics I want to read, and I do actually reread my own fics fairly often, which makes narrowing down the list really difficult.

Highschool Never Ends - DC Comics, a grab-bag of YJ and Titans ships mixed with a whole lot of found family bonding

I didn’t start this fic with the intention of using it to just fill the DCU with all the representation it’s missing, but it’s kind of turned into that anyway, and I love that about it. Someone reccing it described it as ‘possitive about all sorts of things’, which is pretty much exactly what I aim for. It’s not often you can write a high-school drama club AU that actually helps people, so that’s pretty awsome. It’s also the fic which made me really fall in love with Duke Thomas, who despite being neither female or from anime is still bestgirl.

A Brief History of Gotham - DC comics, gen

This may be the thing I’m most proud of of everything I’ve written because holy shit the research this required. But it was worth it to create probably the single most niche thing I’ve ever written. Also it turns out that thinking up in-world reference books and quotes is basically the most fun you can have as a writer. “In most cities they laugh at clowns and run from guns; in Gotham it’s the other way around” may just be the best line I’ve ever written.

Halogen - Batman, Tim/Jason

I think of everything I’ve ever written, this is the one that turned out the most like I wanted to. My guiding principle for this story was ‘stark’, and I think I achieved exactly that.

Know Me Better - Narnia, gen

Once again this is very niche, but I love it. And it helped someone going through a crisis of faith, and you can’t ask much more than that as a writer or a theology grad. Discovering the Narnia fandom was definitely a highlight of this year - there’s some fantastically tallented writers creating exactly the kind of beautiful thoughtful works you want from a canon like that one.

Human or Something Like It - DC Comics, gen with background Tim/Jason, Jason/Midnighter & Dick/Midnighter

This is entirely self indulgence - it’s outsider POV, which I love, it’s almost all dialogue, which I much prefer writing to any other type of prose, it’s entirely Tim Drake centric. It is, in fact, exactly the fic I wanted to read, so it was delightful to post it and find other people wanted to read it as well.

Honourable mentions (because this really was hard to narrow down): The Anatomy of a Robin, which was pretty successful (if I do say so myself) attempt to channel other writers, and Together, which turned up in my brain fully formed and was written in about a week, which never happens to me. It turned out to be the prequel to the Tim/Bart/Kon fic I actually wanted to write, but I love it anyway.

I feel like this has been a year where I really settled into my niche. My niche has turned out to be found family, happy porn, and as much queer rep as I can physically jam into the plot, and I’m pretty okay with that.

tagging @celestialbisexual​, @kiseiakhun, @kittyaugust, @lex-munro, @teland, @suzukiblu, @phcking-detective  (I’m really bad at remembering what AO3 handle matches what tumblr name, so if you’re a writer and you follow me consider yourself tagged!)

[mrchalamet-mrstyles]

2018 Fic Year in Review

@perpetuallyvex kindly tagged me in this. Thank you, Vex. I love and miss you and can’t wait to see you in a couple of months xoxo

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3:

I can’t believe it, but in 2018 I posted 13 stories to AO3. It’s the most I’ve ever written and why I am so grateful to have discovered CMBYN. It inspired me to rediscover my love of writing and for that I will always be grateful.

2. Word count posted for the year: 

Looking up this number blew my mind because I had no idea it was that much, but I apparently have posted 187,055 words in 2018- what??? That is the most I’ve ever posted, even during my Sherlock fic writing years.

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

the feeling still deep down This was the first fic I wrote back in January 2018. Timmy/Armie RPF. It was prompted by discussions in a group chat and became the first installment in my Futile Devices series which is my take on bts vignettes between Timmy’s birthday in 2017 and PSIFF 2018.

eyes like sky Continuation of the feeling still deep down, from Armie’s pov

Buttons an angsty porny one-off about that sweater. You know the one.

save a prayer It was a prompt I couldn’t resist. Rentboy!Timmy and Armie the actor. But it turned out to be so much more than I bargained for. Still a WIP but will be completed because I owe it to these characters for everything they have given me.

Between the Lines co-written with @694699 this fic took on a life of its own. Following the manic success of CMBYN, the boys’ careers are at an all time high.Timmy’s in London, filming The King. Armie’s in New York for his run in Straight White Men. Their friendship as strong as it ever was, they are still being lauded for their work in Italy, directors are fighting over themselves to work with them, they should be on top of the world.So why aren’t they?A peek into their world via all forms of communication.

white ferrari part 3 in the Futile Devices series. Timmy returns to New York but is in a really bad place. Armie continues to struggle.

la muvi star  A slice of life, bit of bts from my fic Save a Prayer.

delicate  It's 'technically' a college AU. Armie is the star quarterback, Timmy the kicker. But none of that is really important or even needed to know in order to read this. It was just an excuse to write these two getting it on. Finally. And, Armie is only a couple of years older than Timmy.

once bitten  A coffeeshop AU of sorts.

pink+white part 4 in the Futile Devices series

special delivery an excuse to write some porn with a twist?

flicker  This time last year, there would have been someone keeping an eye on it for him, taking the glass from his hand, waving off the waiter with a firm blue stare to keep him from overindulging. This year was… different. He was a real boy now. Grown up and on his own. It was fun, just not the same. My first foray into Stylamet territory (Timothée Chalamet and Harry Styles)

collaboration Inspired by Tim and Harry’s interview in i-D Vice mag. 

4. Fandoms I wrote for: 

I guess CMBYN is ‘technically’ the fandom, and Harry Styles fandom?

5. Pairings: 

Timmy/Armie and Timmy/Harry

6. Story with the most hits: 

Between the Lines with an astonishing 34.864 hits!

7. Story with the most kudos: 

I am so proud to say that save a prayer received the most with a staggering 1347 kudos!

8. Story with the most comments: 

Between the Lines has 2693 comments, but 6 and I both tried to respond to everything in the beginning, so the numbers may be skewed a bit due to that.

save a prayer received 1665 comments which I think is nothing to sneeze at for a solo act. 

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I am definitely most proud of save a prayer. I started that fic with the idea to make it a sexy, cute romp but somewhere along the way, those boys decided they really had some issues to work out. It’s not been an easy ride, but it’s helped me in ways I never saw coming. It was the first Timmy/Armie AU in this fandom, and I’ll always be proud of that.

I’m also really proud of the Futile Devices series. There’s something very pure and ‘true’ about this series. 

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

It’s not that I’m not proud of them all, but I know there are some that could definitely be better, given more time, but I’ll leave that up to readers to decide.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

“Really? Then tell me, Armie Hammer , these real friends, how many of them know you can’t sleep at night? How many of them know you are scared fucking shitless about this film coming out?” Timmy steps up close, lifting his chin, close enough they are nearly chest to chest. Armie holds his breath. “How many of them know you want to fuck a rentboy while you have him tied up and defenseless? No wonder you’re divorced. Does your ex know what a fucking pervert you are?”

Armie shoves him before he knows what he’s done and Timmy stumbles back, somehow managing to stay upright, his face a study in shock.

Armie is shaking, fighting the urge to hit something. He’s so much bigger, stronger, than Timmy; knows it would take nothing to really hurt him. He doesn’t want Timmy to become his target— a victim in yet another instance of his life— so Armie moves away, shoving his hands in the pockets of his track pants.

He has no idea what to say. There is no response, not an honest one. Everything Timmy  said, he knows is somehow the truth. No one knows him. Not really. And he hates it. Armie never meant for it to be this way, unclear exactly how it had— isolated and lonely.

“You’re right. No one knows. I don’t even know how you know.”

Floor to ceiling windows flank the fireplace of Armie’s living room. He makes his way over to stand, looking past his own shallow reflection to the ocean beyond, black and endless.

Armie isn’t sure how long he’s stood there and knows he probably could have stood there forever if Timmy hadn’t spoken up.

“Sorry,” his voice barely loud enough to hear from where Armie stands.

Armie shrugs and looks at Timmy’s reflection behind him in the glass. Their eyes meet before Armie lifts his hand, pressing it against the cool, smooth surface— the only safe way he knows how to touch Timmy.

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received: 

Man, they’re all like my children, I can’t pick just one. I do have to say that I’ve never before experienced the kind of feedback and heartfelt messages that I’ve garnered from a lot of my fic. To have people tell me that I’ve inspired them? That they re-read my fics. It’s what every writer dreams of hearing.

13. A time when writing was really, really hard: 

The last half of 2018 was hard for me. Health issues, personal issues, fandom issues. It was a tsunami of funk that left me reeling and without the desire to get words on the page. I waffled on the daily on whether to delete everything entirely, whether it was worth the trouble to try and post anything for this fandom anymore. I think I’ve started to turn a page and have listened to friends and supporters, starting now to remember and understand I have to write for myself first. It’s all for the love of whatever I decide to write. That’s what matters most.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

Timmy in save a prayer surprised me most. He’s helped me in ways I never imagined.

15. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

This is a hard question. I think I’ve learned the value in less is more. Streamlining words for maximum impact. Realising I value substance over flash. I need a story and not just sexy times or that sex isn’t the most integral part of a really well told story. I think, moreso in this fandom than any other I’ve ever been in, that that’s become the case and it’s just not something I’m interested in.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

I definitely plan on finishing things in 2019. Working on original fic and branching out into other fandoms, maybe. I want to get back to writing for the love of a story. That is a feeling like no other and I miss it.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

Hands down that would have to be @iknowthebattle. Her unwavering support and guidance and friendship has seen me through some really hard times. But her writing inspires me beyond anything else and I strive with every word I put down to somehow try to live up to her standards. (I never will because, jesus, she’s the real deal) 

And of course, I have to steal Vex’s answer here too and say, the READERS. Every last one of you that have messaged me with love and heartfelt support, to keep going, the comments and all the lovely praise, it doesn’t go unread or unnoticed and definitely makes me want to keep writing. Thank you all so very much. <3

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: 

Surprisingly, yes. And I didn’t see it coming when I started it, but save a prayer and Timmy’s struggle became my own as I worked through issues I thought I’d long put behind me.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: 

Cheesy as it sounds- just do it. Who cares if it’s been done before, if it’s a trope we’ve seen a million times? No one has done it the way you will do it. It is true, the more you write, the better you get. Just keep at it. Let life inspire you. Fill the world with your words and love.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

I have a couple of ideas and half-formed fics in my drafts that I hope will see the light of day this year. I know I want to finish save a prayer and try to publish it at some point as original fic. But there’s not rush. I’m not sure where I go from here. Timmy/Armie RPF may not be something I write anymore once these fics are finished, so the world is mine for the picking I guess.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

I’ll tag a couple of fandom writers that really inspire me- @iknowthebattle @etal-later @dreamofhorses42 @cumpeachx

And, @cristinasea, I know you don’t write, but you are such a prolific reader and just the bestest pal, we need to come up with one of these for readers, to get your perspective. Maybe we can chat about it ;)

Thanks again, @perpetuallyvex for the tag. This turned out like a walk down memory lane. <3

[yessoupy]

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2018.

tagged by: @ferryboatpeak ⚾

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self evaluation:

honestly i don’t remember if i did one

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

At The Very Least (Lilo)

pastoralis princeps (dactylic hexameter about harry and farm animals)

don’t think, you can only hurt the ballclub (chapman/olson, oakland A’s)

Shared Space (desus, the walking dead)

A Taste Of Your Own (hitch)

ilia rumpens (desus)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

MOST proud of... probably the mlb slash. I hadn’t published anything in that fandom seriously since December 2013 and if you know anything about the A’s, you know there’s like hardly anyone (Marcus Semien??) left from that season. When I got my camera I ended up with dozens of shots of Marcus and Matt Olson fucking around during warmups and I thought for months that when I finally wrote A’s slash again that would be the pairing but heartbreak will change you. I placed them in the rented house that the young bachelors of the early 00′s A’s had rented to reference the intense nostalgia I’d felt the entire season. The only really surprising thing is that this wasn’t fic about Tim Lincecum finally accepting that he was out of baseball and making a life for himself again. I guess I’ll write that when (IF) we get a retirement announcement.

Another reason I’m proud of this is that I was writing for basically one other person who didn’t know I was writing it and it’s not even her team, but I knew she’d read it. So it was truly a labor of love.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

The pinch-hitting I did for the exchange I ran. I posted it in the day between my Texas Harry shows (and the afternoon before I got to the ballpark at Arlington to see NICK MARTINI had made it up) and I think if I’d had like ... a week of summer break to just focus on it it could have been much better. I’d actually cribbed a shitload of stuff from this thing I was writing for baseball that there was no way I’d ever finish/publish because I’d gotten too close to the player.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

here’s a lil bit from each fandom, how’s that?

hitch, the reveal

The poetic license, Harry’s tongue flicking out to wet his lips as the arena fills in the wrong phrase, over and over, what he’d actually had and not what had sat there as a provocation on his person as Harry had leveled that slow-blink up at him and slithered down off the couch, naked still but for the ink needled into his skin. Mitch hasn’t recovered, not fully, for during these few minutes when Harry closes his eyes and embodies Mitch’s own confession in front of thousands of strangers he’s back on the couch.

TWD (shared space), daryl being daryl. helpful, but also generally confused by civilization.

Daryl clocked a shocked look on the face of one of the workers from the Kingdom. He glared until the man got his eyes off the pair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Paul.” He kept his mouth shut the rest of the way to the kitchens where they were greeted like conquering heroes for their haul. He tried to put Paul’s weird shit aside and he succeeded for awhile. He took a watch shift out beyond the wall for a couple hours and repaired one of their fences inside. Maggie made a face at him when he trekked through Barrington House looking for some tool or another one of the construction guys was asking about.

“Least take off your shoes at the door, Daryl.”

Daryl was rummaging in a drawer in the kitchen and gave her a disbelieving stare. “You serious?”

“We’re building a civilization and you’re tracking in God knows what from God knows where.”

“Never bothered you before.” He spied a pair of vise grips and yanked them out of the drawer. Wrong tool for every job, he thought, should do the trick. “Anything else you gotta tell me?”

“Real glad to see you and Jesus hitting it off.”

Daryl rolled his eyes and slid the drawer shut. “Alright. I’m leaving.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Bye!”

baseball, the consummate professional being made aware of something not baseball.

Maybe Matt shouldn’t have been surprised by any of this. Maybe this was where everything had always been going, this instead. With Olson’s mouth working over his slowly, gently, one hand hooked around his side and the other holding his head in place, maybe the 2018 season wasn’t about playing deep into October, but instead priming him for this moment right here. He’s never had a thought like that, that something was more than baseball, and it’s fitting that should come right here, wrapped up in his first baseman’s arms with the breath kissed out of him.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

@the-well-rested-one sent me a really nice message about the hitch fic, about how it has impact for being so short. When I was writing it I let a lot of conventions fall by the wayside in the effort to get the idea out of my head (idea was conceived and executed over the course of one day) so it was v nice to hear it had impact. My fandom buddy also screenshot the first paragraph and circled where I’d had “the the” and I also v much appreciated that. 😂

additionally, @runthroughthegarden‘s comments on my dactylic hexameter were such a pleasant surprise and i can now announce that i officially have a beta for my latin verse going forward. lollllllllllllllll

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Well, when your fave character is still alive (and in a happy relationship with his boyfriend) in the original source material but you’ve known for months they’re killing him off, the week before the episode where that actually happens is a v difficult week. Although based on when my works are published, you could say that the first 5 months of the year is difficult.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

Oh well, I never had any intention to write from Mitch’s POV but it was surprisingly easy. I think it helped a lot to remember he was from Indiana (a state I know well) and had he been 15 years older he’d have been recording tracks in my uncle’s basement. Also so many of us feel like Harry caught us unawares and we were helpless in the face of his charms, and that’s Mitch.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Hmmm. Well, I finally wrote TWD fic after having been in fandom since the beginning???? That’s 2010, folks. Finally felt like I had a handle on Daryl Dixon.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

It’d be great to actually have the ability to write something long. I feel like the ideas I have are for short pieces.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Let’s go with @chasm2018 because without her I definitely wouldn’t have written that hitch fic. She’s good at pushing me to write what I don’t actually NEED to be writing but absolutely SHOULD be writing.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

Oh that lilo fic for sure. And We Are All Mitch.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

IDK that it’s new, more like reinforced, but just fucking write what you want to write. 

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I can’t believe I left Poe and Marek alone this entire year, seems unbelievable. I didn’t REALLY, because there’s a couple of docs I definitely fucked around in (including one with Marek and Caz), but nothing got anywhere close to a complete story. I’ll rectify that in 2019.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

not tagging anyone specifically but if you’re reading this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged (and pls tag me so i can read yours).

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

wip fic list!

because theres nothing i like more than to do shitty lists instead of yknow anything else:

from the best to the worse:

1. the jon/tim/sasha pre canon au, just a couple of stolen kisses here and there in the institute, fluff

2. jntm the night before the unknowing where they literallly sleep together, kiss a bit, and when jon think tims asleep he tells him just how much he doesnt wanna lose him

3. martin&sasha convo after sasha finds him very upset bc he accidentally catched jon and tim k i s s i n g

4. s3 jntm, tim is angry at jon, accidentally gets off to the thought of jon eating him out

5. fwb tim/artin smut, tim blows him on the closet when suddenly jon steps in the room to record a statement unaware of their presence, so they gotta be Silent (not nearly as humorous as it sounds, actually kinda ? sad? bittersweet? its weird)

6. tim/artin mid s3, where they’re fwb, tim is mid depressive episode and asks him to hurt him to keep him grounded. angst&smut

7. web!martin and desolation!tim tim/artin, fluff and angst? part of tim wants to tell martin just how much he resembles prentiss (bc wouldnt that just destroy him? and the fire sometimes gets the worst of him), but tries really hard not to bc he loves him

8. lonely!martin working at the tundra au, from the pov of one of the sailors working there

9. martin&his mom, lonely!martin, the weeks before her death and the reasons of it (very sad, now nearly 4000 words of angst, really wanna finish it gosh)

10. statement fic regarding the man in the fog. lonely!martin (fuck i hate statement fics so much ghjfdj)

11. “me: ok so what if web avatar can feel all the webs they weave inside of them, feeling everything that happens around like vibrations, kinda like how elias can see everythng that happens? but not see, just feel // my shit brain: vibrations you say 👀👀👀” martin/the web (ft jm in the bg), smut, edging? kinda

12. martin having to shave peter’s beard w/ those old sharp razor things? and peter kinda giving him permission to hurt him If He Wanted To

13. flesh!tim/martin au (they’re both flesh avatars), basically: “hey if we can regrow part of ourselves wouldnt it be romantic if you, like, ate my heart?” “tim no” “tim yes, cmon”. cannibalism, gore, smut, and surprisingly fluff and some humor! just some monster bfs having a... good... time

14. peter/martin/salesa smut. mikaela having a good ol time w/ pete and freckles, and martin said “fuck your boss” rights. dont ask

15. peter/martin where peter buys him a suit and helps him put it on. horny energy at max

16. martin selfcest lonely/web. l!marto was feeling kinda lonely and goes to hill top road to see if this works, brings home a spider, they talk and have tea and later fuck bc, like, selfcest, cmon (Very angsty tho despite the smut)

17. peter/martin/random vast squid monster. this is just tentacle porn lmao

18. web!martin molting fic. did you know that tarantulas molt their exoskeleton? you do know :^) body horror & angst??

19. web!martin jm(?) wet dream that goes dark w/ the web’s influence. cannibalism & smut

wips that ill never finish / post bc they’re 100% self indulgence:

20. martin/sasha on a poly context, watching movies & drinking a bit & missing their bfs. fluff & smut

21. in which martin kills peter! but joke on you bc peter left him part of his money AND the position of head of the institute on his will (just sugar daddy stuff), and now martins gotta tell elias in prison that 1. he killed his hubby 2.hes got his job 3. hes got his awful cursed pwers, which he hates, but damn if having elias’ cards while hes got nothing on him doesnt feel good (past peter/elias,peter/martin, and vague elias<3<martin)

22. god once i started a martin/michael knifeplay fic but didnt even paste it on my evernote, it was mostly an experimental thing and martin wasnt the one getting kniffed for once

23. tim has a voice kink. martin voice hot sometimes. i wrte this after waking up shut up dont look at me

24. peter/mar/tim in which tim survives but feels v empty after avenging his brother, martin is working at the tundra (and is a full lonely avatar atm) and asks peter if he can work w/ him there, mostly so he can get away and have smth else on his mind? he Was trying to make him a favor, but things start to get twisted bc two lonely avatars and a v sad man arent a good combo even w/ the best intentions

25??? id die to write an annabelle/martin/random guy threesome-ish?? ish bc only martin and the guy have sex but the real deal is him w/ annabelle, so.....

[everywon-woo]

SOMETIMES PLANES CRASH - chapter 3

A/N: SO this is the last chapter of this story, but i'm gonna make this a series with different POVs and ships so there will be a lot more crappy fanfiction! I'm currently writing a patater sequel to this and i have so many ideas for other sequels and sidefics, i'll probably have writing material for a long time! Anyway, thank you so much for reading this story, feedback and ideas are always welcome! 

Chapter 2

Masterpost

Chapter 3

During the next few weeks, Jack did a few interviews – mainly because Georgia forced him to – in which he talked about being a queer athlete. They all went surprisingly well. He knew that George had only chosen news outlets that had reacted positively to him being outed, but he still hadn’t expected them to be nice. They all respected his wish to stay clear of the topic of relationships, most of them even acknowledged his sexuality, and one of the men seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say about Samwell.

“You know, my teammates didn’t know I was bisexual until very recently. Even my best friend didn’t know until very recently. But I have never felt more accepted for who I really was, despite the fact that my team didn’t actually know who I really was. Of course Samwell has a reputation of being a great school for LGBTQ+ youth – I’m not gonna pretend this wasn’t part of the reason why I chose to go there in the first place – but before I went there, I couldn’t have dreamed of how much they helped me to grow, as a hockey player and as a person. They showed me that I didn’t have to do everything alone. I didn’t have to win games on my own. I didn’t have to keep my sexuality to myself out of fear of losing their respect and friendship. They had my back on and off the ice, without ever asking me anything I wasn’t prepared to give.

Many people criticize my decision to go to college, but I can assure you that I wouldn’t be the player I am today if I hadn’t made that decision.”

This might have been the longest string of words to ever come out of Jack Zimmermann’s mouth. He had practiced what he wanted to say over and over again, and now it was over, he was pretty satisfied with it.

The interviewer smiled before following up with a question: “Excuse me if this question is intrusive or inappropriate, but you said you didn’t come out to your teammates, despite the fact that they were very supportive. Why was this, if I may ask?”

The man seemed genuinely scared that he had crossed a line, so Jack smiled to reassure him.

“Well, despite knowing that my team had my back, information leaking about me being anything but straight was still a horrifying thought. The NHL isn’t the most LGBTQ+ friendly place – which is a very important topic, but I think that’ll have to be for another time – and I assumed I would have to choose between my sexuality and my career. I trusted my team, but it was simply safer to not take the risk,” Jack explained.

The interviewer nodded. “I understand, and I’m truly sorry you felt like you had to choose between yourself and your career, but I’m sure your courage will make sure many young athletes in the future will not share this fear. And I think you don’t have to worry about your career anymore, after the hockey you played in the past few months!” He laughed.

“Yeah. I just hope this can make a difference.”

“I’m sure it will, Jack. Thank you, and good luck playing the Bruins tomorrow!”  

“Thank you,” Jack laughed, and he realized that he had actually quit enjoyed this interview.

  After the story died down a bit, life almost went back to normal. Jack went back to his normal training schedule, Bitty went back to his normal college life. Now, though, Jack could take Bitty on a date during the weekends. Bitty could sit in the WAG section, which the Falcs had renamed the partners section, when he came to see one of Jack’s games. The day after the first game Bitty saw since they came out, Jack went to practice with two baskets of baked goods for Thirdy’s wife, because ��She was so nice, Jack. I need to bake her some pies to thank her.”

 Originally, Jack hadn’t wanted Bitty to come to his games. The whole ‘coming out’ thing had gone pretty well, but Jack wasn’t stupid enough to think the whole NHL would just suddenly cease to be homophobic. He didn’t want Bitty to be there if things got ugly.

However, Bitty argued that he would would watch the games anyway, whether it was from the stands or from his couch, and if things got ugly, he didn’t want to be helpless at home. Jack couldn’t deny that he was right.

Apparently Jack wasn’t the only one that expected things to escalate on the ice, because before the first game his coach told him: “Okay, kid. This might not be an easy game. Things might get nasty. We’ll all have your back, but don’t let it affect you. Don’t fight. Don’t take unnecessary penalties. Don’t even talk back. Don’t give them the satisfaction of getting to you.”

Jack nodded and stepped on the ice. The only thing he could do now was play hockey, something he happened to be good at.

After the first period it was clear that the Blackhawks were playing dirty. Jack had been hit more in the last twenty minutes than in the rest of his season altogether. As a result, though, the hawks had taken a few penalties, which lead to a goal and an assist on Marty’s goal for Jack. Overall Jack was pretty happy with his first period, despite clearly being targeted. Now all he had to do was trying to survive and sustaining their 2-0 lead.

The latter was surprisingly easy, as the hawks seemed more determined to prevent the former from happening than to score goals.

He had expected it. He truly had. That didn’t mean it was any easier to have all the air get knocked out of his lungs by being slammed into the boards and hearing Johansson, the hawks’ defenseman, say “that’s what you get, fag” while skating away.

Jack was about to drop his gloves when he remembered what his coach had told him before the game. Don’t fight. Don’t give him the satisfaction of drawing a penalty.

However, before Jack could skate away, Tater’s fist hit the d-man’s jaw.

“You dare to call Zimmboni that one more time, I make sure you don’t step foot on ice ever again, you rat,” Tater threatened. Jack’s mind didn’t have the time to process what was happening before all the Falcs who were on the ice were on Johansson.

  The first few games after that were just as rough, but after a few weeks, the news had spread that the fastest way to get Alexei Mashkov’s fist on your face was to insult Jack Zimmermann. After that, Jack only got some glares and the occasional hit. Nothing he couldn’t handle.

Until the second game against the Aces. Jack hadn’t been looking forward to it anyway, as playing against Kent still made him more nervous than a normal game would. He didn’t expect the Aces to be homophobic, though, as he assumed Kent wouldn’t allow such behaviour in his team, whether or not he was out to his team.

Jack was mostly right. Seeing Kent was still not easy, but everyone just played the game. Everyone but Tim White, Kent’s linemate. It started with the regular stuff, the glares and some hits that weren’t necessary. But when the Falcs went into the third period leading 4-1 – with a goal and two assists for Jack – things started to escalate. White’s hits started getting rougher and more frequent. The glares turned into whispered slurs where no one but Jack could hear them. Jack didn’t want to give White the satisfaction of drawing a penalty, though. He was not going to fight tonight.

Merely minutes before the final horn, all his good intentions went up in smoke when he got slammed into the boards and onto the ice by White, who managed to make something explode inside Jack by smirking and laughed condescendingly: “Even if I had known you were gay, I wouldn’t have expected ‘tiny blond trophy twinks’ to be the great Jack Zimmermann’s type.

Yet, before Jack could get to his feet to punch the smirk of White’s face, Kent Parson’s fist connected with his own linemate’s jaw. Even though Jack didn’t really know Kent anymore, he could see the white-hot anger in his eyes as White tumbled to the ice. Everyone seemed to be taken aback by Kent’s violent behaviour against his own teammate, so the officials were not quick enough to intervene before Kent, who was at least 5 inches smaller than White, took his linemate bye the front of the jersey and said, almost hissed: “One. Jack is bisexual, not gay.” White didn’t try to fight his way out, as he knew hitting Kent Parson might be the fastest way to lose his job. He just let himself undergo the wrath of his captain. “Two. I think you might want to keep up with what our scouts are doing, because if you did, you’d known that the Aces would love to replace your sorry ass with that ‘tiny blond trophy twink’ as soon as he gets out of college.” Jack’s mouth fell open. “And three.” The officials seemed completely lost as to what to do, and they didn’t even try to stop Kent when he punched White again, hard, before almost growling: “If I ever hear you talk that way about me again, I will personally make sure you never step foot on the ice again.”

Jack didn’t know how White still had the audacity to open his mouth, but he said almost nonchalantly: “Chill, Cap. I wasn’t even talking about you, I was just chirping Zimmermann about his ty-” Realization dawned on him. “Oh.”

Jack decided that White had a death wish, because he then proceeded to throw his head back and laugh. “Holy shit, Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson are both fags, and they fuck-”

This time it was Tater who shut him up by putting a fist to his mouth, and soon, the officials had to drag the whole Falconers roster and even some Aces away from White before they actually killed him.

Meanwhile, Jack and Kent were just standing a few feet away from the fight, frozen, staring at each other. Then, Kent seemed to realize what he had done and Jack saw a flash of panic in his eyes before he visibly tried to suppress it because he didn’t want to let Jack see beneath his carefully constructed layer of arrogance and chill.

In that moment, Jack felt all the bad memories slip away. He didn’t forgive himself. He didn’t forgive Kent. He didn’t know if they could ever be friends again. But there and then, none of that mattered. Jack knew Kent needed him.

“Kenny.”

Kent’s control slowly slipped away, and tears filled his eyes.

“Jack,” he choked, and then Jack’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him against his chest.

They didn’t say anything. Communication had never been their forte anyway. They just stood there, on center ice, holding each other as if the past six years had never happened. They both knew they couldn’t just go back to the way they were, but for now, Jack could give Kent the support he so desperately needed.

They didn’t realize the fight had been broken up, and every single pair of eyes in the arena was watching them, Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson, hockey legends, old friends, rivals, embracing each other on center ice. They didn’t know what had just happened between these teams. They didn’t realize yet that Kent Parson had just come out. The only thing they saw was a heart-warming reunion, and maybe Jack and Kent wanted to believe that for a few moments too.

“Thank you,” Jack sighed against Kent’s shoulder. This made Kent pull away to look Jack in the eyes and smile that Kent Parson-smile. Not the fake media smile, the real deal.

“You’re welcome.”

And that’s how Kent Parson found himself sitting on his couch, scrolling through his Tumblr feed, which consisted of an infinite amount of different gifs of The Hug™, while eating a Danish pastry out of the basket that had arrived that morning, accompanied by a card saying:

 This doesn’t mean I suddenly like you, but what you did out there on the ice was incredibly brave. Thank you.

-ERB