#wretched balance
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Writing a book where my protag is an incredibly pissed off sociologist given more power than G-d.
Mad scientists are great but there are other kinds of sciences outside of the material ones. What about a mad linguist?
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going back and watching the chunk of 4sd i missed and yeah, brennan's approach to forcing the players into the prime role makes sense! i was really gunning for a betrayer god player and i think specifically something fun could have been done with "betrayer god who doesn't want to destroy aeor wholesale because it's actually their unethical experimentation vibe" (or, alternately, when i first thought taliesin might be playing the chained oblivion as a weird messedup sort-of god, already half cannibalized, a maximum nihilism approach where one member of the party is actually trying to sabotage their efforts so they all die). but his reasoning is very sturdy. and with only three episodes, letting the relationship between the prime deities shine was completely the correct choice. even though i think they could have designed a malicious pc to meet it, his standard of You Can Play A Betrayer God If You Can Make Them Interesting worked out, great management.
#critical role spoilers#4sd#exu downfall#ultimately any sufficiently complex portrayal of the betrayers in this context would require them seeing themselves#the most wretched aspects of the world personified#a “revelation about a truth of the world” as brennan said#IN aeor. and that could have been good roleplaying#it could have even been a fascinating reflection on the mortal capacity for cruelty equal to very personification of transgression#there's a fun horror to be found in the monster you're desperately trying to kill coming into your house and giving it a thumbs up#but from an audience perspective we already know aeor sucked#“was aeor awful” is not the question here the question is about the nature of the gods#and specifically if their capacity for helping the world outweighs their capacity for harming it#i think anything more than two betrayer gods would have made the balance feel off#and severely constrained the amount of Awful the others were allowed to do
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BEYBLADE???LIKE LIGHTING L DRAGON BEYBLADE?!?! which beys would the ro have 🥺
Imre: stamina bey
Nia: defence bey
Lorcan: attack bey
#none of them are tempered enough to have balance#nor fence sitters to have it either haha#beyblades#we wretched creatures
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i didnt think i ever posted these?? heres some art from 2022
#if i were to go back to my skeksis phase and my attempt at simplification i need to find a way to balance cartoony and nasty wretched#they dont look gross and old enough!! even then i thought so but couldnt figure out a way to convey it#but now that ive improved at art i think i could manage it... one day maybe#the skribble factor
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so obviously on a meta level beholders and beholderkin only roll for random eyebeam attacks for game balance reasons, because 'and the beholder has a disintigration beam!! watch out!!' is dangerous in a way that's fun and exciting but 'and the boholder systematically disintigrates each of you, game over' is not, but this mechanic is very funny to me in the specific context of being able to have a gazer as a familiar which is bonded with and theoretically obedient to a player character
all day long he's telekinetically pushing things off your desk over and over like an asshole cat, using fear on passing children, sniping birds out of a flock overhead with frost rays. you get into combat. you tell him to only focus on attacking with frost rays, a thing you absolutely know he is fully capable of doing, and he just simply does not. actually he's gonna go ahead and do whatever he feels like, thanks
#I also like 'gazers have 3 int and get too excitable in combat and just start firing at random'#but 'gazers are dickheads and are gonna be annoying on purpose' is funnier to me#I say this with love I love melliwyk's wretched awful gazer so much#anyway it's obviously on a different level but having to roll for player-controlled gazerbeams is also necessary for game balance#'yeah you just get a gun that shoots 3d10 twice per round for free forever' isn't exactly balanced lmao#but ALSO obviously 'beholders use disintigration and telekinesis to build their lairs--'#'--but they can't actually choose what ray they are using and they can't use any one ray twice in a row' cannot possibly be in-world true#to be honest I am Bothered by beholders because it's hard to justify in-world why they wouldn't just focus fire sometimes#but also meta-wise they Cannot and I would very much not want to change that :') but also I DO like beholders in theory#one of the bits of dnd where the dissonance between game mechanics and in-world reasonings really strain my suspension of disbelief#fortunately as a player all I have to worry about is one gazer and fortunately gazers are stupid and also dickheads 😌#my OCs#melliwyk
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Knowing God without knowing our own wretchedness makes for pride. Knowing our own wretchedness without knowing God makes for despair. Knowing Jesus Christ strikes the balance because he shows us both God and our own wretchedness.
Blaise Pascal
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Quick Gronch-posting on main! His ranks continue to dwindle.
Clear eye, full heart, free dick, can't lose. I respecced The Gronch to better reflect his approach to life.
I wouldn't want this motherfucker accidentally succeeding in too many social situations, after all. I regret only that this means he blew his chance to do something that I imagine would have been extremely funny in Act 3:
Out of spite, he's keeping the actual githyanki egg. Will it hatch? Who knows! I sure hope so! Cutscene animations suggest that he stores his stuff in his kidneys, so there's some real Alien potential.
The Gronch also for obvious reasons could not deescalate the situation between Shadowheart and Lae'zel at camp, so I found myself pondering which character's life The Gronch was best positioned to fuck up beyond repair. So I made an informed decision, and then I discovered, to my delight, that you can rename and tweak the appearance of the hirelings.
Anyway, then I got the non-standard game over where Vlaakith wishes you to death. And I got it twice, because it's actually quite difficult to get The Gronch through that scene alive without getting too OOC.
I am also feeling so bad for Astarion, whose relationship status is still Very High despite the fact that The Gronch acts like the bad boyfriend in a Lifetime movie. Everyone who's ever been in this party should be calling some kind of hotline.
I think the enslaved gnomes at Grymforge might be the only people whose situation has been improved by The Gronch so far. I mean, he didn't help them or anything, but he killed all the duerger after he got caught stealing a trap disarming kit and didn't want to pay 50g to smooth things over, went to bed, and woke up to find the rubble cleared, Nere dead, and no sign of the gnomes. Heroism!
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 spoilers#stealthnoodle plays bg3#gif#video#is the glimpse of flaccid dragonborn dick nsfw? that's up to you and your place of business#astarion has had one (1) good time in my playthroughs and it was with his platonic bff durge lisa frank#someday i need to play through with wyll as my origin character and let this wretched little man have a healthy romantic relationship#and also let wyll have a relationship with someone who won't repeatedly cheat on him before dumping him to fuck a bear#wyllstarion as karmic balance
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considered bisexuality for a week due to my unwavering faith in love everywhere but my heart just wasnt in it due to my hater temperament. this is my beautiful truth
#me (finds the beauty in all things): i could probably go bi. easy. just find the beauty in all things... even men poor wretched creatures#me (huge hater): if i spend 2 more minutes talking to a man i will pull all my hair out to cope with their mediocrity fr#im always saying lesbians are huge haters and we're the best in the hater game#perfect balance of the lover and hater temperament in lesbians if you ask me#personal
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chronic pain is such bullshit like wdym my body is going to hurt like this forever and I can’t just keep taking a bunch of painkillers about it
#got home from work at 3:30 & ate a late lunch & have been lying in bed trying with my wretched joints for the past 4 hours#me when my chronic illness is chronic and makes me feel ill 😌#can’t even hold a pencil without pain which is really unfortunate considering how much writing my hand I have to do#*by hand#the bulgogi was so fucking good though. made the marinade myself this time and it’s the perfect balance of sweet salty and spicy
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Presentation 3
Indi
He circles back behind me and I can’t see him. I don’t have to wait very long before his hands are on my chest. He slides his fingers up and down my chest, varying the pressure he touches me at, and dipping his fingers underneath my corset to tease around my hard, if small, nipples. I’m practically spilling the rest of the way out of the corset in this position, and he is definitely taking advantage of it.
“Present these tits for me, omega,” he commands, withdrawing his hands. “I can tell there is a source of sin in them from the way your scent thickened at my touch.���
“Yes, Father,” I reply. I pull them the rest of the way out of the corset, the now-empty cups serving to display my large breasts even more impressively.
“Oh, what a beautiful chest you’ve been blessed with, sweet one. What a joy that will bring to your future husband,” he says as he hefts first one tit, and then the other. “How sensitive are these, I wonder?” he asks, stroking his calloused thumbs over my nipples.
I jerk, the sensation immediately triggering a sweet rush of pleasure throughout my whole breast. I feel an echo of the pleasure pulse in my core, and I lift my chest higher, enticing him to play with them more without even realizing it.
“Oh? Does somebody want more?” Tomás asks, his voice deep and raspy.
“Yes, please, Father,” I whine. I don’t know what it is about this whole scenario—this is never something I’d considered before—but having him play this role has totally soaked my panties at this point.
My pussy aches, and I’m uncontrollably clenching on nothing, saddened by the emptiness yet appeased by the clench. I’ve never felt like this before, never knew it was possible to be this horny—or enjoy being horny like this before.
“Alpha, I need—” I stop, choking off my words. I don’t even know what I need, really.
“I know just what you need, omega. And I’m going to give it to you. You need to be cured.”
He begins to stroke my nipples again and again, pinching and rolling them between his fingers.
I gasp and squirm, each pull sending bolts of ecstasy throughout my body. I can feel the cool air on the moisture between my legs, my thin underwear long since leaked through. My whole pussy is throbbing, especially my clit.
The fact turns me on, and I feel a clench start from deep inside of me. I can feel the orgasm looming, my body preparing and opening for the sheer size of it, slick rushing out of me.
And then he stops, and pulls his hands away.
“Yes, you definitely liked that,” he says, walking around me again to where I can see him. “Now we can begin to cure the source of the problem.”
He sits on the stool and scootches closer, spreading my thighs apart with an impatient shove. He lightly traces his finger up and down my center, circling my hole with slightly more pressure before trailing it up my slit. He stops when he gets to my straining clit, swirling his finger around it where the fabric clings, defining it. “Let me take these off you, omega.”
I nod, and he pulls them down, baring my pussy to his gaze. I hear him growl with desire, and the rumbling sound makes my pussy throb.
#indigo blackthorne#wretched balance smut#wretched balance#oc#omegaverse#hierophilia#priest kink#presentation#tomas navarro
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if this temporarily becomes An Armored Core Blog then like. oopsie
#im just having lots of fun KILL DIE ATTACK#SHOTGUN BLAST LASER LANCE WEAPON BAY SWAP CHARGED PILE BUNKER KICK SHOTGUN BLAST#(i want to stop using the shotguns but also i. i enjoy shotguns too much.)#(i might swap to the worse one out of guilt over using the insanely broken one)#(because i love shotguns because that thing needs a nerf)#(are they gonna.. like.. patch this game at some point do you think?)#(fromsoft's games usually launch with a handful of abysmal balancing issues that get ironed out in the first few big patches)#(that's... gonna happen for ac6 right?)#(we're not gonna permanently live in 'unpatched sword of night and flame' mode in this game are we)#(anyway.) SHOTGUN BLAST SHOTGUN BLAST KICK SHOTGUN BLAST CHARGED LASER LANCE#FUCKING ATTACKS AND KILLS YOU!#ATTACKS AND KILLS YOU AND NEW FORMS OF PERSONHOOD ARE IMMEDIATELY USED TO CREATE NEW WEAPONRY!#MAKES OWN CHOICES! FINDS FREE WILL IN A WRETCHED BURNT OUT ASH HEAP OF A WORLD! PILE BUNKER CHARGED ATTACK!!!!!!!#armored core#dibi
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Funny how writing a post about a muppet christmas carol can lead to it getting demoted from best christmas carol adaptation
#guess I’m going to have to make another 40k note post next year about scrooge 1970 to balance it oht#there’s a lot of factors that I think go into it. the heavier emphasis on the horror elements. more songs with a more melancholy tone#contrasted with the triumphant crowd numbers that make a bitch openly weep#the absolute pathetic wretch that is Albert Finney’s scrooge. not to mention how good obi wan kenobi marley is in his movements or just.#the ghost of christmas present who I love deeply#the ultimate messaging being that generosity and happiness are deliberate and difficult to give to people when you’re miserable but that is#exactly what is wrong with the modern capitalist mindset#and it goes down no matter what level you’re at#but one of the biggest things for me is the fucking final line and moment of the film that shit is going to bring me to goddamn tears one#day I tell you. thinking about it I want to.#anyway I’m unwell also about albert finney in general bc while michael cain is absolutely the hottest scrooge I haven’t seen a truly more#pathetic scrooge than albert finney which will always endear me to characters like this#anyway. people I’m gonna beg next year to see scrooge because jesus christ#ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE TITLE CARD ART??!?!?!!!#GOD#scrooge 1970
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oh that poll. technically caranar's patron would be nhaama but I was just going by the ones you can actually pick ingame. ic I think he doesn't give a shit about eorzean religions at all and doesn't even really care for azim he just loves and venerates nhaama. he may or may not project his early understandings of hydaelyn onto her/through that lens also. kozu I think only ever respected the green word in that way but after leaving golmore never felt that way about anything again bcs of how jaded he had become towards the end of his time there. once in eorzea he does identify with oschon a bit and does his socially expected veneration of the matron as well but doesn't have his heart in that. also with breaking away from The Word when he realized he could hear the elementals in the shroud he was kinda like oh even that wasn't special huh. even that's just another 'normal' being that has to be negotiated with not blindly followed.
#caranar misses his mom :( ok#and then kozu balances between the lines of being seen as a wretched outsider and a respected hearer/seedseer council member#playing between being loved and hated by the average gridanian citizen depending on how erm. well you know. they are#car talking
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have had only a sausage biscuit and a melon flavored energy drink to eat today and am feeling a little queasy, my options are ‘throw something in the air fryer that is actually made of food’ or ‘make tea and hope the cream counts as a food group’ and unfortunately the 2nd wolf is winning
#shut up myth#here’s what im thinking. my thought process#ive already done my self harm relapse for today so i don’t think anything matters for the rest of my consciousness of today#so. you know. why not? might make going to sleep easier if I just swoon into bed#trying to balance the joy of the eio episode with the wretched failure of Everythinv Else and y’all joy is not in the lead#this is the worst ive felt since i started taking antidepressants i don’t know why they stopped working#haha. girl help#tw self harm#in the tags
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You think the Zone has its version of Comic Con?
Like? Think about it. You have literally all of time to work on it, your Magnum Opus, your life's work. That DREAM comic. All the supplies you could ever wish for. Endless paper. Endless ink. You can practice and practice for CENTURIES until it's JUST right.
Wouldn't you want to share it?
There are definitely Ghosts who have Obsessions that make them collect.
And two people meeting would lead to a group. Lead to a bigger group. Lead to a large group. A gathering. A crowd even. Eventually you need a Lair to meet IN. It becomes An Event.
People hear about it.
Want to bring other art mediums. Food stalls. Report on it. It grows. Shoot offs start happening. Niche meet ups.
But like?
Unlike comic con? It's all FREE. Sure, you might have fork over the ecto to make your copy. And yeah, weaker ghosts can only do that so many times. Will have to prioritize. But? They can come back after leaving for a nap. Ask a buddy to come with. There ARE work arounds.
Just? Imagine the unbelievable HIPE? Danny would feel? But be unable to TELL anyone about? Zone Con happens several times a year! Cause so many people wanna come. The Zone being infinite, after all.
Problem 1? They're using THEIR standard of a "year". Which is actual 5 earth years. So it's only happens every year and a half for him. And Problem 2? He can't even TALK about how excited he is about Z Con with anyone (outside his friends and family) because they haven't heard of it and might Ask Questions.
It's ALSO held in a part of the Zone that's like? Three days of flying away from the portal. And no amount of begging is gonna get any of his loved ones to camp in the Speeder for around six-ish days just to go to a Con.
So you can imagine his DELIGHT. His utter JOY and *Target Spotted* "!!!" Noise, when? In the crowd? He spots A HUMAN! Hi fellow human!!! Omg, wanna be Con Besties? *doesn't even wait for an answer*
So now? This sad, blonde, deeply lost and kinda alarmed, trench coat dude? Is Danny's new Z Con Going Bestie! You got a map yet, bestie? No? That's cool, he has one. By the way, he has human food in the Speeder if you nee-
YES!
Cause, see, here's the THING. John? Lost to the Realms Infinte. Or Infinte Realms. Translation was iffy... and on fire... like the rest of the building. It was him or the kids those psychos had kidnapped, for what fucked "ritual" the voices in their heads, that THEY thought were demons but frankly he's pretty sure was just feedback from-
Look, doesn't matter, he had to choose. He always knew someday he'd have too. That even twisting Luck and talking fast wouldn't quite be enough. And he had to decide, in that moment, which outcome mattered more to him. They get out safe, or he does.
Wasn't much of a question, was it?
So, there he is. Staring down oblivion and all those debts unpaid. 'Bout to see who's gonna come for him this time, and take what left of wretched soul. When? He bleeds on the FUCKIN two-bit crap circle they squiggled in God only knows what. Remembers that "oh YEAH, set dressings!" Sometimes when you focus too hard on insuring a Good Outcome?
You weird weird as shit byproducts happening on the side to balance it all out.
Or BAD ones.
He wakes up someone fucking green and crowded. For the life of him can't tell you which one it is. And THAT was of course, bout two days ago.
Biggest and most immediate problem? He... does NOT recognize what flavor of magical fuckery this is. Doesn't seem Fae. And doesn't smell like Hell. There are... there are honest to God BOOTH BABES hanging around. Hunks too. The view is LOVELY.
And nerdy.
Very, very nerdy.
But he isn't THAT out of touch. So he should recognize SOMETHING. Or at least the languages. But nope! It's like aliens and magic had a nerd baby and dipped it in GREEN. And the worst thing? Is there is food everywhere, but it all glows and John's not stupid enough to eat it.
Then? Sweet merciful fuck. Salvation! Some teeny bopper Barely No Longer Teen fresh faced INFANT of a Hero kid. With a SHIP. Who has FOOD and a clear idea of where they are. Hello~ John's new BEST FRIEND. Yes. Absolutely. Con Buddies, whatever.
Just feed me, kid.
Only? Once he inhales like 5 "Fenton rations"? He only gets half way through introducing himself before getting interrupted. Kid hears "magic" and "occult Detective" and just? Goes "oh! So you wanna check out the magic Ally with me? Sam wanted me to pick up some witchy stuff!"
..............how magic?
(In Which? Constantine becomes Danny's interdimensional Con buddy)
@the-witchhunter @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation @lolottes @nerdpoe
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Is it chill that you’re in my head?
synopsis your best friend James isn’t sure why he’s so angry about the fact that you’re going on a date with someone else.
wc 2.6K
“He’s looking over here,” James sings under his breath, his brown eyes full of mirth. He’s balancing on the spindly hind-legs of his library chair, the Potions essay he’s supposed to be doing laid out in disarray.
You send him a reproachful look. “You’re being malicious.” When you turn back around to face Davey Gudgeon’s table, there’s a split second of eye contact before he ducks his head down abashedly, his cheeks a brilliant rouge.
He has a crush on you, apparently. Sirius and Remus had overhead him talking about it on his way down to breakfast this morning—about how prefects rarely escaped unscathed after sharing something as intimate as a Saturday night duty.
James Potter, your best friend and a royal pain in your ass, finds this revelation abso-fucking-lutely hilarious for some reason. Asshole.
“Au contraire,” he murmurs, the grin on his face audible, “I’m being a world class wingman.”
The look on his face is downright dangerous. He waggles his eyebrows at you suggestively, unperturbed by the frown on your own, a warning. Easing forward until each hind-leg finds the ground with a resounding thud, he cups his hands around his mouth, whisper-shouting, “Oi! Gudgeon!”
Davey Gudgeon reddens further, a feat you didn’t think was possible until now. He glances over at James dismally, a furtive expression on his face. “What?” He mouthes, sending you this weak half-smile. It’s sort of sweet, almost contagious. You find yourself smiling back at him on instinct.
“Come over here, you bludger,” James chastises, like that’s the obvious next step. To be fair, it probably is to him — he’s never shied away from flirting with the girls he fancies, a self-proclaimed dating aficionado with way too much chat for his own good.
Davey hesitates, his nervous gaze flitting to you momentarily. He looks as though he wants to do just that, but isn’t sure whether his crush on you is reciprocated. Sweet.
He has gentle eyes, too, pretty juniper with bright specks of burnt ochre. A nice head of brown hair. If it was cold outside, you bet he’d offer you his Quidditch jersey without hesitation.
You think you need sweet, all things considered. You’ve known James Potter all of seven years now, had a wretched crush on him all of five, and never once has he indicated that his aforementioned expertise could ever extend to you.
It’s high-time that you gave your pathetic heart a rest.
“You’re making him miserable,” you mutter, ever-reproachful.
Davey hasn’t moved yet, though you’re sure he wants to, his hands braced on the table in front of him apprehensively. He keeps looking between you and James, surveying his options; in order ease his anguish, you decide you’d better make the decision for him.
You push your chair back and stand up, it’s spindly legs scraping against the vinyl floor forebodingly. James looks up in surprise. “Where r’you going?”
“To Gudgeon’s table.”
“Why?” James urges, perplexed. He half-stands too, his features a smidge less mirthful than before.
“So you’ll stop,” you reply, frowning down at him.
He raises his arms in surrender. “I’m stopping.” A pause. In the beat that passes, his assessing gaze falls over you in paces. “You’re not… you’re not keen on him too, are you?”
You think on this, cocking your head to one side. “I don’t know. Maybe? He’s kinda sweet.”
“But he doesn’t even have the balls to come over here and ask you out properly,” James whisper-shouts, mildly exasperated.
You’ve never once called him sweet.
He’s had this tragic crush on you for all of seven years, and never once has he been on the receiving end of such a fond adjective. He’d only made a fuss over this Davey situation because he was sure it was just a jibe — no way someone like you would be interested in a guy like Gudgeon, no way you would even entertain the possibility of more than friends.
Right?
James wants that more than friends thing with you, bad. This morning, when Sirius’d brought up Bludgeon’s crush on you—sniggering violently—he’d snuck a glance at your features to ensure that it wasn’t reciprocated. He’s sure he’d caught a bit of second-hand embarrassment, though maybe it was actually just tender hearted diffidence. Maybe Davey fucking Gudgeon had something that he somehow didn’t.
Right now, James’d give up his head boy badge and Quidditch captaincy to acquire that something. His chest hurts terribly. He runs his sloven fingers through his unkempt hair, sending you another look of bewilderment.
“Because you’re here,” you reprove. “Course he’s not going to come over when the James Potter is taking the mickey out of him.”
You say his name like it’s an insult. James’ heart plummets. “I’m not — he’s welcome to come over,” he argues quietly, chagrined. “Besides, he’s going to have to get used to me if he wants to be your boyfriend.”
“Why?” You frown. “I always bugger off when you’re with another girl.”
“That’s different,” James insists, frowning in tandem.
“How’s that different?”
They aren’t you, James thinks vaguely. His poor heart blunders for the umpteenth time this afternoon. “None of them are girlfriends.”
“Not for lack of trying,” you mutter. James swears he hears a hint of spite in your tone. “Doesn’t matter, anyway. M’going over.”
James slumps back into his seat reluctantly. He knows that you’re right, begrudging as that revelation may be — he is always flirting with one girl or another, though that’s more so to pass time than anything particularly serious. Never you. You’d see right through him, anyway. Besides, the last time he tried, it’d been so disastrous you’d assumed he was joking.
It’d been at that Halloween party they’d had in the Gryffindor Common Room last year, firewhiskey flowing and sweet treats piled atop every surface.
You were wearing this gorgeous, albeit bemusing, costume of a Muggle someone — Wonder Woman, or something, James didn’t quite understand it. Showing a lot of skin. Your pretty eyes were accented by rouge glitter, lips all glossy, and your exposed limbs and bare waist had eased his heart right into his throat.
And James Potter didn’t often find himself lost for words, but it appeared as though this party was one of those exceptions.
“Woah,” he’d murmured, wolf-whistling lowly. He was in this ridiculous, Babbity Rabbity costume (courtesy of Sirius, who was a cackling pot), feeling entirely out of place when you looked so beautiful. “Christ, Y/N, who’re you meant to be? The hottest muggleborn at Hogwarts or something?”
You’d rolled your eyes then, because no way he was serious. “Don’t tease, James. Did you guys manage to snag any cauldron cakes?”
He’d been too busy to insist his sincerity, fond gaze travelling down your bare limbs, slow. Lingering on the wafer of exposed waist between your corset and skirt. He’s still agonised by the want to touch your soft skin; that wretched Hogwarts shirt tuck has prevented this from happening.
“By the fire,” he’d answered after a beat, dazed.
And when you’d fallen out of earshot, James’ eyes still trained on your figure, Sirius and Remus’d come up behind him, the latter wearing Muggle-manufactured fangs. (Supposedly, he was meant to be a vampire.)
“You’ve got a tragic affliction, James,” Sirius’d tutted under his breath, faux-apologetic. “How’re you somehow able to flirt with every girl in this room except the one that matters?”
“Shut up,” he’d muttered back at the time, though as he thinks back on it now, he realises that Sirius was right.
For some reason, with you, he always manages to say exactly the wrong thing. He watches Davey scramble to straighten as you near his library table, the heat on his neck rising until his entire face is in a flush. And you’re smiling as you sit down beside him, this sweet, unabashed smile that looks too much like feelings reciprocated. Something in James’ ribcage cracks, an ugly emotion springing forth from within it. But he’s immobile, hands on the table and furrow in his brow, agonised by the fact that you’re looking at Davy all fond, not him.
Never him. You ask a question—James is trying his best to lip-read, but it’s difficult not to get carried away staring at your mouth. Davey nods, and then reddens some more. Then you stand up, feelings-reciprocated smile on your face as you walk back over to the table you’re sharing with James.
“He looks pleased,” James mutters grumpily.
You frown. “You don’t.”
“You’re doing charity work,” he answers, ignoring the insinuation. “You know that, right?”
“James,” you sigh, “you’re being unkind.”
“Because he’s punching.” But James knows this is unfair. He’s pretty sure every bloke in Hogwarts would be, if it was you and them.
—
“James,” Sirius calls, bemused. “You coming mate?”
Its autumn in Hogsmeade, and they’ve reached a cross roads.
The path to the left of them leads to the Hog’s Head Inn, one of their favourite haunts in the village due to its relative unpopularity. To the right, where James is glancing furtively, the cobblestone pavement takes them toward the Three Broomsticks. Where you are. With Davey.
Remus shares a knowing look with Sirius. “Think he’s in the mood for one of Rosmerta’s butter-beers, actually.”
James groans, scrubbing his calloused palm down his face slovenly. He knows exactly what he’s insinuating; Remus always has been the most astute of the lot. “Don’t bloody start.”
Sirius grins then, reaching for James and throwing an arm around his neck. “Reckon you’re going to need something stronger than butter-beer if you’re planning on watching Gudgeon snog your girl.”
His heart plummets. There’s that ugly emotion again, rearing its contemptuous head at him. “Wormtail’s there too,” he tries, shoving Sirius off. “We should go say hi.”
“Oh yes,” Sirius allows, his brown eyes full of mischief. “The one Marauder with a girlfriend. You after some tips, mate?”
“Cut him some slack, Sirius,” Remus chastises, though there isn’t much fire to his tone as he says it. “Reckon he’s miserable enough about the fact that the one time he fancies a girl she isn’t interested.”
James frowns, sending the pair of them a look of determination. “Look, shove off, both of you.” The crease between his eyebrows deepens further, keenly resolute. “I just want to check on her, alright? Make sure that bludger isn’t pulling anything funny.”
“Right.” Sirius nods soberly. “Or snogging her to death.”
“Fuck,” James groans again, his insides squirming. “You’ve gotta stop putting that image in my head.”
He turns toward the path to his right, the cobblestones plush with Autumn leaves, when he spots your figure in the distance and freezes. Coming closer. You look beautiful in this matter-of-fact, effortless way that makes James’ heart stutter; your pretty eyes are alight with mirth as you catch his gaze, this fond smile on your lips that makes him want to kiss you. Bad. He swallows thickly, his chest a pathetic mess.
Sirius and Remus must spot you too, because the pair of them beginning walking backward toward the Hog’s head, their eyebrows raised in tandem.
“She isn’t with the bludger, Prongs,” calls Sirius, a knowing lilt to his tone. “Now’s your chance.”
“My chance?” James asks, distracted.
“To snog her, you idiot.”
But James doesn’t hear him. Partly because the wind’s picked up, mostly because it’s difficult for him to concentrate on anything but your growing closeness.
Once you’re within earshot—more of you to agonise over, exposed waifs of skin like a siren song—he stumbles forward clumsily.
“Y/N,” James breathes out, pleasantly surprised. “Where’s Davey?”
You grimace, looking over your shoulder furtively. “I’ve just escaped him.”
James’ stomach deflates, relief washing over him in waves. He raises his eyebrows playfully. “Escaped?”
“Don’t,” you warn, frowning sternly. “He… he’s alright, really. Just doesn’t really know how to hold a conversation.” You grimace again. “Or take a hint. Like, at all.”
“Yeah? Why’d you say that?”
“Well,” you begin, and then you shiver, moving closer to James without meaning to. “Christ, Potter, you’re a really good wind shield, y’know that?”
“At your service,” he murmurs, inching forward too. “You were saying?”
You gaze up at him, the rough planes of his face ever present, and you’re struck by the revelation that he doesn’t need an old Quidditch jersey to keep you warm. He’s a furnace of body heat and cedar-wood cologne.
“Well,” you continue, voice low, “after two butter beers and absolutely zero chat, I’d sort of assumed that he’d have realised that this just isn’t going to work.”
“But…?”
“But,” you grimace, “he asked me out again.”
The way your features twist as you say it, as though that’s the last thing you want to do, wrings any residual jealousy he may be feeling right out of his stomach. He’s struck by this suddenly, overwhelming urge to caress your jaw and pull you closer.
“And let me guess,” James murmurs, grinning fondly. “You said yes.”
“I said I’ll see.”
“I worry all this charity work’s going to be the death of you, Y/N.”
You crinkle your nose up at him, punching his chest playfully. “Don’t you start James Potter.”
James raises his arms in surrender, still grinning. His gaze lifts above your head to take in the footpath behind you, and he finds himself looking right at the burly figure of Davey Gudgeon trudging toward the pair of you.
“Bloody hell,” he mutters, raising his eyebrows. “You weren’t kidding about him not being able to take a hint, huh?”
You furrow your brow, looking over your shoulder bemusedly. When your head whips back around to face him, your eyes are wide and a little tortured, dappled by the warm, orange hues of Autumn. A damsel, James’ thinks, dazed, as if that’s a normal thought for a eighteen-year-old bloke to have. He’s already spiralling over kissing you and it’s been all of five minutes.
“Is he looking over here?” You ask, your voice low.
James’ eyes dart back to Davey. “Uh, yeah?”
“Good.”
You wrap your arms around his neck hurriedly, leaning forward and pressing your lips against his. James takes a second to recalibrate, his poor heart a mess, but when he does, he’s quick to circle your waist and pull you closer, his strong arms firm and torso warm on your figure. It’s a deft kiss, chaste as it is agonising, though kiss enough for him to memorise the feeling. The buttery taste of your lips, the perfect way they appear to mould against his.
It’s a tandem emotion — you’ve revelling in this kiss far more than you should, the arduous pressure of James’ lips on your own. He’s going to leave a mark. He tastes like sugar quills and feels like the death of you, his sloven hands pressing into the bare skin of your waist.
When you do finally pull away, your cheeks are warm and you’re a little breathless. “S’he still there?”
A beat passes. James doesn’t look up.
You mistake his pause for unease, and grimace abashedly, looking away from him. In hindsight, you aren’t sure what possessed you to kiss him like that — you want to pretend it was to stave Davey away, but your traitorous heart says otherwise.
God, you think, it was a really good kiss. If only James liked it as much as you did.
If only you knew.
“Sorry,” you add in a hurry, still grimacing. “I — I wasn’t thinking, I just didn’t want Davey to come over here and I —”
“Y/N,” James interrupts, his voice rough, gravelly around the edges. “Stop talking.”
You let out a breath. “Why?”
“I want to pretend you kissed me because you wanted to, just for one more second.”
“What?” You ask, your eyes wide. “Why?”
James thinks, isn’t it obvious? He’s still marvelling over how perfect your mouth is.
“Because,” he admits quietly, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”
You don’t know what to say to this. Your still chest to chest with less than an inch between your figures, and you can feel your poor heart struggling to free itself from its cage. “You have?” You say, suddenly bashful.
James nods. His pupils are a little blown, his unkempt hair a mess, and he keeps his gaze trained on your lips as though he’s being paid for it. “And listen,” he murmurs, reaching forward to thumb over them softly. “Don’t worry about Davey Gudgeon.”
“Why not, James Potter?”
“Because I’d sooner die than let that bludger bore my girl to death again.”
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