#wowza those were lots of tags

[villruu]

hello tumblr, I am here, once again, offering you a new chapter about Ingo and Emmet as kids having adventures!

It's got everything! Pokemon! Autism! The Power of Friendship! Putting the muppets into Situations!!

[fagsystem]

Last Updated: 01/05/2023

Table of contents:

1. Tags

2. About Us

3. Boundaries

-

Tags

Q - It is the queue tag, although it is very rare that we actually end up using it. We typically just add things to queue without any signifier.

Upsetti Spaghetti - This is the tag that indicates the content of the post will be heavy in some manner.

Discourse - This tag was the previous Upsetti Spaghetti tag. However, as not all Upsetti Spaghetti posts are discourse related, it will no longer be in use going forward.

Fandom Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to fandoms.

Disabled Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to disability.

Queer Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to LGBTQ+ topics.

Syscourse Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to syscourse.

Misc Subsection - This is the tag used for any content that does not fit into the other subsections. This will include fandom content for fandoms I am not in that I reblogged because they were funny, and anything discourse related outside of syscourse.

Longform Post - For longform discussion-based posts that I have inserted my thoughts into.

Wowza That Is A Lot - This is the tag used for long fandom posts. In particular, ones that boarder on fanfiction.

I Am Providing Prompts - This is the tag used for prompts I provide. This will also include Wowza That Is A Lot posts.

Ert - This is the tag used for art. In particular art either one if us has made, a friend has made, or we wish to save for some reason or another.

ert to study - this tag is used for art we wanna study and learn from! (and by we i mean tim) -mikey

Remember This For Later - This is the tag used on posts that I wish to locate later. Posts that are within this tag may get removed at a later date when I no longer need to recall them, so ensure you are not using my blog to save it.

This Is Stimmy - This is the tag for things that we found 'stimmy'/wish to stim with in the future.

Groundinghelp - This is the tag for content we have saved in relation to grounding.

Mod [Name] [Pronouns] - This is the tag that indicates which alter made the post. It also provides their pronouns. Should the tag be "Mod ? [Pronouns]" it indicates that whoever made the post either did not know who was fronting or did not wish to share. You can use the name Griffin in this case.

-

About Me

(TLDR: DID system. Please refer to alters individually not collectively. 17. FTM. Australian.)

We have dissociative identity disorder. This is the first thing I bring up because a couple of things about it are relevant.

1. We are informally diagnosed by our psychologist, who is a trauma specialist specialising in complex cases. An informal diagnosis in our case means that our psychologist has assessed and determined we do have dissociative identity disorder and is treating us for it, but has not provided us with an on-record diagnosis. There are many reasons as to why the diagnosis is informal, feel free to enquire.

2. We have an overt presentation of DID and are working on unmasking to combat dissociation. An aspect of unmasking for us involves allowing each of us to individually express ourselves. We ask that you refer to us individually.

Those two were the most relevant aspects of bringing up our dissociative identity disorder. I do have some other I suppose fun(?) get to know us facts.

We specifically have complex-dissociative identity disorder (also known as polyfragmented-dissociative identity disorder, or C-DID/PF-DID).

We, I suppose you could say, offically discovered the disorder just over 2 years and 2 months ago as of the time of this post. However, there is also a self-insert fanfiction we found from when we were thirteen about us having dissociative identity disorder that was written by four alters we do in fact know exist.

We do not have a host. I do not know how to elaborate further on that, but we do not. Feel free to enquire if you are confused by that.

Beyond us having dissociative identity disorder, here is some other information about us.

We live in Australia.

We are 17.

We are a transgender man. Yes, all of us are a transgender man and we view the body as male. No, that does not mean that our individual gender identities are less valid. If you are confused by this feel free to enquire.

There is not much more I can say about us collectively, and I am going to spare individual introductions for seperate posts.

I suppose I will just end off by repeating what I have said a couple of times. If you have any questions, feel free to enquire. I am always happy to educate.

-

Boundaries

Refer to us with our individual names and pronouns. Please do not refer to us collectively. This is the biggest boundary we are putting in place. We are now using tumblr as a place to unmask to assist with some very severe dissociation we have been experiencing for months. This is very important.

The only time it is acceptable to refer to us collectively is if you do not know who was fronting. In this case, Griffin and he/him is acceptable. There is no other instance in which this is acceptable.

If you are referring to things multiple alters have contributed to, for example, please still refer to alters individually as you would if multiple seperate people had contributed to the post.

We understand that this is not particularly accessible. It is absolutely alright if you get it wrong, but please try. It will not be as difficult as it sounds, as most of us are likely to have specific niches we post in.

Treat introjects (fictives) just as you would everyone else. Introjects are not fictional characters, they are real people with real thoughts and feelings. It is never alright to dehumanize someone like that, especially not because of a symptom of their disorder. It is incredibly ableist. If you are genuinely trying not to do this and do not know how, feel free to send in an ask.

Do not interact with us if you are blocked. This includes screenshotting our posts to respond. If you are blocked and have read all of this, I highly doubt this will stop you, but I am explicitly stating it regardless due to one specific individual.

Aside from these two things, we do not have any particular boundaries that come to mind. I would add something like, "Do not be ableist to me for the manner in which I speak," but people who do not care about being ableist are also unlikely to stop that in the face of a boundary. For a similar reason we will not be establishing a Do Not Interact.

[vestaloflight]

wowza i never actually add things to posts outside of tags but this resonates so intensely with my feelings... i was absolutely an “anxious attachment problems” person, a “scheming to keep someone in my life” person, a “acting the exact way i think someone wants” person. and it was so... so exhausting. so tiring. it took every bit of me, left me bare, left me with nothing but fear despite all my best efforts.

and it didn’t just stop because i decided i was done. it took lots of trial and error with doctors and meds and several years of therapy. i know the first couple years of therapy were difficult. there were times i was afraid of being honest even there. afraid of judgement for the conscious efforts i made to assure i kept those that i loved close to me. i can’t tell you for sure when i started therapy. there was a little bit of time spent bouncing around. but i can say it’s been at least 5 years, but we’re to a point now that we’re talking about graduating to a strictly-as-needed basis. no regular appointments. i’m done. i did it.

and i feel... so much better now. it’s indescribable. it took work and effort and i HAD to choose to be honest with my therapist and more importantly myself. holding so tightly onto things you’re afraid of losing with a white knuckled grip will never make you happy. it’s so fucking scary to let go, but you will not feel peace until you do. but you absolutely do not need to do that alone! and it doesn’t have to be all at once! i know not everyone has access to doctors and meds and therapists, but if you do or even if you’re not sure... please look into it. my life is so much better. i can hardly remember the fearful girl who had panic attacks over reading into things that didn’t even exist. who could barely stand working because i was afraid of being left behind just because i was “gone” for 6hrs out of the day. glued to my phone, checking if frantically...

i can’t tell you how nice it is now to be able to leave my phone in my bedroom... and just go to another room of the house. talk to my mom. play with my dog. and not have fear looming over me.

i’ll stop talking now haha, but i’m high fiving you op and hope you don’t mind my word vomit of an addition.

i’d say the best thing i have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. no psychoanalyzing them, no overthinking my actions, no asking what i could possibly do to keep their presence in my life. i just bring my best self to the table and always move from a place of love and respect. how that person responds is ultimately up to them. if that causes them to exit my life, i just let it happen. i will never be in the business of changing people. people are only ever ready to change when they’ve made the conscious decision to. all i can do is check myself and be kind always.

[leebrontide]

Fuck it I'm gonna start writing about my garden

Ok, I need to get this out of my system so I'm gonna start posting about my garden on here. Will tag. Mute if you need.

So we closed on the new place mid Sept this year. Literally that day we planted:

A Haralson Apple Tree: which was developed right in MN back in the 20s. We picked it because it's semi-dwarf, stores well, and has a complex flavor and nice firm fruit. I can not stand a mealy apple. It's also supposed to be a pretty picturesque tree, which is nice.

A Honeycrisp Apple Tree: a super popular MN-bred sweet variety that's super good at pollinating for Haralson. Not technically a huge worry since apple trees can pollinate with crabapples which half the neighborhood has used for decorative trees, but still. If you just drop me at a grocery store and say "get an apple" I always know this is a sure win. Also a semi-dwarf, so it won't devour the whole property.

A Mount Royal Plum: We put this one right between the apples, right along the side of the house that goes across the ally. We picked this because there's a broad consensus that this is the tastiest plum that reliably grows in MN winters where you may have a -40F (which is weirdly also -40C?) at least a couple times over the course of the winter. Just a lil guy it only get's 12ft high. Which is great because since the fruit is softer than an apple you have to be more careful about harvesting it.

Ok, so 3 trees. That's not too weird, right?

Right, but here's the thing. This property was one of the oldest ones in my inner city neighborhood, so it's got this extra-wide lot, and due to the physical limitations of the lovely elderly couple we got the place from, it has next to no landscaping. Including along the gorgeous Victorian porch that runs the full front of the house. It's just sad half-dead grass.

So obviously I needed to do some planting there.

Did you know there are dwarf cherry trees that grow in a shrub-shape and only get 5-8ft tall? Because those are a thing, even in my frigid climates.

I was gonna hold off, wait for spring, but there was a sale. And the sooner you get fruit trees in the ground the sooner you actually get fruit. We may be waiting a few years in any case.

So I impulse bought 6 cherry shrubs.

2 Wowza cherries

2 Juliette cherries

and 2 Romeo cherries

These three are considered to be three of the sweetest varieties that grow in this climate. I had an Evans Bali in the old yard, and Starling and I loved them, but Pookie found them too tart to eat outside of pies or jams. I have never actually eaten any of these! But I am hopeful she'll enjoy these. I was shocked that each of them were nearly 2ft tall. Hopefully they don't mind being on the northern side of the house (and thus the shadier sound of the house).

Hopefully we didn't get them in too late, since it snowed the day after I planted the Wowza's.

Stay tuned for ramblings about the more obscure fruit varieties we're considering adding, a tea ingredient garden, getting rid of grass lawns, the blueberry patch we want to condition the soil for, pollinator and companion planting, and more.

[inkyquince]

inky im like so glad that you have experience with searching for male readers and ending up with a fic that was horribly tagged or they make the reader as feminine as possible. you are my favorite writer because of how inclusive you are, i love the gn aspect and i love being able to read something and feel all giggly. i hope both sides of your pillow are cold

This legit had me stop for like... Several minutes and be in my feels, y'know?

This was beyond sweet to receive and a thousand kisses for your sweet words.

I do like using gn reader a lot, but I also do wanna have works with fem reader or male reader, just cuz I know its unfair when there's x amount compared to y amount, yknow? But I do feel bad cuz I had really neglected male readers, and sometimes just using amab with gn pronouns ain't enough, so I did wanna make sure I get he/him pronouns in when I can.

I really don't like writing like... Detailed readers? I even avoid using the word hair, and stick to scalp, or grabbing the neck, because I know I sure as hell don't have long enough hair to grab, and it just takes you out of it, yknow? I dunno how long ur hair is, lmao, my best friend shaved all of hers off recently.

I'm pretty sure everyone remembers the fanfiction era where you would go into a fic and right off the bat, your skin color would be "ivory white" or you'd "pull your hair into a ponytail" and I was lucky, because when I was younger, most of it did apply to me, while not applying to some of my friends, either because they were poc, had shorter hair, weren't women, a whole range of reasons. Only when I started doubting my gender did the bombardment of female readers in fanfic start to irk me, but I couldn't even be mad about that, because they were writing from their own POV.

It's why I really love following certain authors on here and seeing tags like "reader is black coded" or "gender neutral reader but they have a cock/vagina" etc. There are legitimately no downsides to being vague just so people could be included. Hell, I remember writing a personalized fanfic for a friend and it was the first time he had ever read something for a black male reader, n it just... Felt jarring, yknow? Like, when you never had to either ignore sections in fanfic, or just quit one, because while it was good, or anything, you can't suspend your disbelief properly, when it insists things about you.

Like, I quit fanfictions because they made the reader... Too fucking stupid for words, and I knew I was a dumbass, but not stupid. I couldn't get until way later, in my mid teens, the feeling of something bigger being insisted about you. It's not great opening a piece of fanfiction and reading that you're a girl, that you're white, when you aren't.

I was lucky enough to be able to relate to those older fanfictions until a certain age, and when talking to my friends about it, it just kinda hammers home how unfair it is, but you can't even be angry at a majority because, they don't really... Realize they aren't being inclusive? They're legit just living their lives and I just kinda hope that the influx of a vaguer reader, or even better, a reader specified to be a gender, or poc coded, would make them drop the white, long haired, female Y/N that's had a chokehold on self insert fanfiction for over a decade.

WOWZA, I RAMBLED, ANYWAY, ANON THIS MADE ME GET IN MY FEELS AND NEED A LIE DOWN, YOU'RE VERY SWEET AND A SWEET KISS FOR YOUR FOREHEAD

[jameui]

GUILTY MISTAKE

PAIRING: Kang Yeosang x M!Reader

GENRE: Angst, Fluff

WARNINGS: M!reader bullying sweet baby Yeosang, bad friends

SUMMARY: You've made a huge mistake once when you were a child and it's been in your head for the rest of your life, haunting you unless you've done something about it.

Just last month, you had turned six years old and you couldn't be more happier. For some unknown reasons, you liked how you grew older after every year, mostly because you receive gifts from your mom and dad and, of course, your friends who were about a year older than you.

Every year, on your birthday, you'd get expensive items and presents that you have been wanting for so long and foods that you get to eat with your family and friends. Loud music booming through the speakers, giggling while you made jokes with your friends laughing at almost everything due to the excitement and adrenaline that rushed through your bodies.

But, once everything was over and you know that everyone had to leave, you just keep on wishing that it was your birthday everyday. That way, everyone could still have fun and be happy with you, but then again, where's the thrill in that? They'd probably grow tired of it.

Right now, you were playing with your toys that you received creating specific sounds that corresponds to the action you controlled them to do, when you heard the doorbell ring making you gasp with joy at the thought of having a guest paying a visit.

You stood up from your position, your short legs running towards the door as you reached for the knob and turned it to open the door for the person behind it. The door moves wide open and reveals a woman who didn't look quite older than your mother, while you smiled and looked up at her. "Good morning!" You greeted her.

The woman's eyes fell down to you, beaming with glee at your politeness. "A very good morning to you, too, deary." She replied. "Is your mom or dad around? We're actually new to the neighborhood. We just moved from Busan."

You nod your head to answer her as you walked up to your mother who was in the kitchen cooking lunch. "Mom, someone's at the door for you."

"Really? Who is it?" Your mother asked you, wiping her newly washed hands on her apron.

You shrugged your shoulder, holding onto your mom's hand. "Neighbor said she was new." You and your mom was now in front of the door and the two women greeted each other as the other woman handed out a basket to your mom while you waited patiently for your mom to give it to you.

As soon as she did, you waggled your small feet towards the table before you caught a glimpse of a kid, not much taller than you, peeking from behind his mother's pants. He looked scared and shy, but it seemed to you that he wanted to approach you, but he was just too timid to do so.

You gave him your million dollar smile that made the small boy giggle at your friendliness, you jumping down from where you sat with a small groan when you hit the floor. You ran back towards the door, now seeing the chubby boy whose tummy was curving like a small hill on his stomach.

He wore a blue tiny jumper that fit perfectly onto his body, with a striped long sleeves under his jumper, white socks and shoes that almost looked worn out. You approached the boy a comfortable distance away and looked behind the woman that looked to be like his mother, a wide smile still present on your face as you waved a hand at him hello.

The boy bashfully hid, only leaving his arm to be left seen while waving back at you hesitantly. You could see how much the boy struggled to make friends with you so you decided to close in on the distance leading your feet towards the boy and poked your head out that made the boy flinch. "Heya there!" You said, now standing in front of him as the little boy hid his eyes away from you. "Don't be scared. People tell me I'm kind." You giggled softly, the other boy glancing up at you before quickly looking away once again. "I'm M/n, by the way. How about you? What's your name?"

He looked up at you shyly and stammered. "I-I'm Yeothang."

"Yeothang? What a unique name." You beamed, but he shook his head to correct you.

"No, no. Yeothang."

"Oh, you got a lisp." You said at the sudden realization and he nodded his head. "So, Yeosang?" He nodded again. "Yeosang. You have a pretty name." You said, finally noticing the birth mark that decorated the side of his left eye. You gasped and pointed at it. "Wowza! You have a cool looking tattoo!"

"It'th... It'th not a tattoo, M/n." Small Yeosang said, hesitating to call you by your name. "Mommy told me it'th a birth mark."

"Ooh, a birth mark. I wish I had one just like yours." You pouted. "I've got nothing."

Yeosang giggles at you making you smile. "That'th okay, M/n." He said and looks at you with his small brown orbs. "You look great even without them." He said, before he sniffed due to his runny nose that caused a snot to fall from his nose.

You were able to see this and pulled the hem of your shirt to wipe it from his nose and smiled brightly at him, which in turn, earned you a face of shock from Yeosang. "There."

"But, I dirtied your shirt." He furrowed his brows.

You waved it off and gave him assurance. "Don't you worry. My clothes get cleaned pretty well, so it's alright." You told him. "Oh, hey, wanna eat the snack your mom gave us? I saw cookies there. I bet you love cookies."

He nods his head once and immediately, you took his wrist into your small hands that barely closed around it as you pulled him inside and to your kitchen table. You let Yeosang take a seat first, since he needed a little help from his small size. You were next to take seat, settling on the seat beside him. You opened the basket that was wrapped with a cling wrap to secure it properly.

You let yourself drool at the sight of all the delicious delicacies that was inside the basket. "That is a lot." You chuckled cutely, unable to decide which baked goods to eat first. Throughout your process of thinking, your mother and Yeosang's mother had finished their conversation and the latter was called over. Yeosang gave his mother a small 'coming', before climbing down the seat as you pouted. "You're leaving already."

"I'm afraid tho, M/n." Yeosang replied sadly as you thought.

You pondered for a moment before you hastily took a bunch of the delicacies from the basket and went down to give it to Yeosang. "Here. I want you to take this with you. Eat them, or else."

Yeosang nodded and gave you a look of delight at your kind and cute gesture. "I will, M/n." He said before he jogged off to his mother showing her what you gave to him.

"Bye, Sangie!"

"Bye, M/n."

The following day, you were with your friends by the children's playground playing a round of tag, you being the tagger. "Tag, you're it!" You yelled on top of your lungs once you were able to catch up with the smallest of your group of friends, who whined in protest and stomped his foot.

"I'm always 'it'! Why can't it be—"

"Can I play, too?" That all too familiar sweet, honey like voice came from behind him, taking all of your attentions as your head all turned to him and revealed the very shy Yeosang. "I know how to play the game. We uthed to play that back at home."

"Yeosang, of cour—" You were about to reply, but your friends' rejection to his action of joining cut you off.

"Ew, no way. We don't want your boogers and sticky green nose liquid on us. Get away!"

"Yeah, go away! We don't want you playing with us."

"Booger boy!"

"Go play in another playground!"

Those were the words that your friends threw at him that got you shocked from hearing what your friends were saying to Yeosang. Your eyes had widened in shock while you could clearly see the hurt in his eyes that was now glossy with his forming tears from the mean comments he received from your friends. You clearly didn't know there was something going on with your friends and Yeosang.

Yeosang's pleading eyes was placed onto you as he waited for your answer, fiddling with his fingers. Your friends were the best people you could ever have and losing them never crossed your thought, so to avoid this situation from happening, you did what you thought was going to keep them as your friends. "Sure. You can play with us." You said, which made Yeosang hopefully smile, but he immediately took it back from what he heard next from you. "If you weren't so disgusting."

At that, you smirked and all your friends bursted out laughing giving you a clap at the back, the dejected Yeosang hanging his head low, feeling embarrassed. Although he was shamed upon, he still knew you had that kindness inside you and guessed you might have done that for a reason, so he gleamed and looked back at you. "Alright. Maybe next time? When I'm not snot booger rocket anymore." He snorted while laughing that made you all look at him like he's a weirdo.

"Go away! We never want to play with you, again."

And what you thought was just a one time thing, became a permanent bullying towards the poor little boy who only wanted to make friends and play with you. Before they left Busan, he had promised his mom that he wouldn't be the shy boy his parents knew him as, and become friends with the children at their new home, but it looked it was 'friends' that didn't want him.

Their first day, the day he met you, he was so excited and happy that he was able to make a friend, even if it were you who was the first one to approach him. He admired how you were so brave to befriend him and your politeness was one of the things he praised you for. He also thought you were a really kind and friendly kid, but looking at it now, it looked like he was wrong as he was once again rejected to play with you, seating on one of the swings that were a far distance away from where you and your friends played tag.

He sighed, but he didn't want to give up that easily so he ran to you while giggling repeating the words, 'I wanna play' over and over again which got to your friends' nerves, to the point where one of them pushed Yeosang to the ground which got your mouth gaping at the shock, while Yeosang stared up the person who pushed him, eyes starting to swell with tears. As though the fact that he was pushed to the ground wasn't enough, the same person kicked him by the leg which got Yeosang shouting in pain, before standing back up crying and ran home.

You made your way to your friends and glared at them. "Hey, that was too much."

"Why do you care so much?" He sassed at you. "He deserved it."

Your glare didn't falter, but softened when your eyes caught sight of a crying Yeosang. While your friends started to pile up in the middle of the place, you were still caught up in your thoughts, wishing you had just been nice to Yeosang and left your friends for treating Yeosang like that.

Yeosang didn't deserve it. He was a sweet, innocent and kind-hearted boy. He was too pure for this world. He didn't even give up once on trying to be friends with you, but all you ever did was tease him and mock him, call him names like 'booger boy' as you all called him as, 'weirdo', and all sorts of things. Finally realizing your fault, you sighed and regretted the treatment you gave Yeosang. "Sangie..."

A month or so after, you heard about the Kang family moving to another neighborhood which made you feel so bad and hate yourself totally. You didn't even get to say your sorry to Yeosang properly. The little boy never again showed up at the playground and only did when he was asked to throw the trash, all bundled up under so much clothings, since it was winter. That was the only moment you could ever see him.

You rushed out of your house and saw that they were now entering their car, you zoomed across the street and called Yeosang. "Yeosag, Yeosang! Wait!"

This got his attention, snapping his head towards you with a big smile. "M/n! You came to thee me off?" He giggled, making you feel guilty.

You shook your head and knitted your brows. "Why are you leaving? Where are you going?" You asked all in one go.

"We're moving back to Buthan, thince mom wath able to find a plathe there where it'th rent free and could all fit uth in." Then, he leaned in close to your ear to whisper. "Don't worry. I never told mom that your friendth hated me." He giggled secretly.

"Sangie... I also did bad things to you.." You told him sadly.

"I know." Yeosang smiled. "But, I know you didn't do it on purpothe."

"Yeosang, the car's about to leave."

"Oh, I gotta go now. Bye, M/n." He said and waved you goodbye while entering the cab and rolled the windows down while he smiled up at you. "Hope to thee you thoon again, M/n." He said one last time before the car drove off to their destination.

And there it goes. Your last chance to say sorry. Lost. Now, you're left with a lingering feeling of pure guilt and regret.

-------

Years after and you have disbanded with your friends, you are still living with the regret that you made from when you were young. You had just turned 18 years old last month and you were even sadder than the last. Instead of wishing gifts and presents from your new found friends and families, you were only wishing for Yeosang to come back so you could just tell him how much you were sorry and hug him so tightly that he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Your sullen look was noticed by your mother, who by the way, already knew your sin towards Yeosang since you had told her about it already. The first time you told her, she was aggravated with you for not being the child she had raised you to be. You told her the purpose of your action, thus the reason why you left your friend group and boy was your mom right to have let you leave them. What once was playful, turned harsh and violent and you didn't want to be a part of that. "What's wrong, honey? Don't you like your gifts?" Your mother asked you in concern.

You shook your head and sighed. "It's not that. I'm just... feeling like a total jerk."

Your mother sighed at you sadly and sat down beside you, patting you lightly on the back. "Honey, what you've done was wrong, but trust me when I say that Yeosang has a kind heart and if you ever tell him you're sorry, he'd forgive you right away."

"Thanks, mom." You said. "But, people change as they grow."

"Not Yeosang."

You rolled your eyes at your mom with a smirk. "Sure mom. Not Yeosang." You shook your head in disbelief. "I just wish you're right, mom."

You stood up from your seat, as your mother did and walked your way out the door taking in the fresh air of the morning during spring season, when all the trees stood straight and tall, the flowers blooming with all their beauty. You smiled at the sight and took the camera that was hanging by your neck, over a sling and took a picture of the ethereal scenery.

You walked past your porch and started heading to the park to get some takes on your camera to post on your Instagram to entertain your million followers. As you did, you were able to pass by an ice cream stall, so you took a quick stop and bought three scoops of (favorite ice cream flavor) with chocolate syrup and sprinkles to top it off.

You were wearing a smile, happily licking your ice cream away. You let your eyes explore the world around you, finding everything interesting. All these years, the place had been making a lot of changes. From buildings to parks and work towers, everything just felt new, as if you never got to spend time, at least once visiting these places throughout you're whole eighteen years of existence.

You finally arrived at the park, everything from your childhood flashing back through your head. The once only a children's playground is now a family park, but rather than being reminded by the joyous memories, you were able to remember the memory that's been haunting you for life.

You couldn't believe yourself that you had the ability to bully such an innocent kid, while you kept blaming yourself for their sudden moving away. If you had the power to turn back time, you'd make things right with Yeosang and be a better friend to him, which you couldn't do because you wanted to be with the 'cool kids' when all they ever did was make a person's life miserable.

You found a bench to seat on and checked through the pictures you took on your camera, laughing at a video of Mingi getting drunk with Yunho, carrying him like he was a puppy. You just missed those two so bad. You never got another chance to meet them, not even once, since they're both now busy with their job and you're still here trying to find a way to pass the college entrance examination.

Whenever they're around, you three would always be loud as fuck and wouldn't care a thing about the world, just as long as you three are happy. Of course, you didn't go too far just to be happy, unlike the friends you once had.

You still had the smile on as you sighed satisfied and rested your camera back down to let it hang on your neck. You looked around you and saw children playing by the fountain, their parents watching with glee at the sight of their children playing happily. You grabbed your camera and took a picture of the wonderful scene.

You took a few more shots, satisfied, you were finally about to leave with not much else to do, when in a distance you heard a gruff voice call out to you. "M/n? Didn't expect to see you here."

You looked behind you to see Mingi who was in his suit holding a case, his golden wrist watch shining brightly under the sun's light. You smirked and scoffed. "I could tell you the same thing." You said all the while crossing your arms over your chest. "Mingi, are you slacking off?"

Mingi rolled his eyes at your teasing. "I take my job seriously, M/n. I'm not the same person who cuts classes."

"Sure. Sure." You mocked him, while he glared at you. "Anyways, how are you and Yunho doing?"

The brown haired male smiled at the thought of the taller male and sighed. "Oh, you know. The usual. Us missing you and wanting to baby you."

This time, it was you who rolled your eyes, the smirk on your face growing wider, if possible. "You both still on that?"

"Well, you're pretty much the reason how we got together. So, it's just a way of us showing our gratitude for having you in our life." Mingi patted your head making you giggle at the simple contact.

"I just hated how you two were so dense with all the signs you both tried so hard to make the other notice. I had to do something, at least." You said.

"But, weren't you the one who told me you had feelings for Yunho?" He teasingly wiggled his brows at you, making you blush profusely.

"Shut up. There are pasts that should be forgotten and it includes that." You huffed, puffing up your cheeks making you look like a little squirrel. "And you promised we would never speak of this ever again." You pulled your brows in disappointment, looking up at him. "All you do is lie."

"Hey, hey. I don't go that far." Mingi defended himself, before pulling you into his arms to hug you. "But, if you're so embarrassed about it, it'll be just our little secret."

"Don't even promise me if you're just going to break them in the end." You deadpanned making Mingi let out a deep voiced chuckle.

"Alright."

Soon, the two of you parted ways, waving your hands to each other to say goodbye. You were making your way back home, when you noticed a moving truck from the house next door. A new neighbor? You walked up to the truck driver to greet her and do some important interview. "Good morning, ma'am. Did someone just move in?"

"Oh, nice to see friendly faces up in here." She chuckled. "It's not everyday you get the luck to meet one." She sighs from her aching back, before exhaling deeply. "Yeah. Rich families, to be exact. Paid me a good tip." She said making you giggle.

"I see." You laughed lightly. "Well, have a great day, ma'am. Hope to see you, again." You waved her goodbye, the woman doing the same to you.

You hummed to a song as you finished your walk, now in front of your porch, your mom tending with her flowers. "Had a good day, honey?"

"Better than great." You replied. "I met Mingi on his way to his job. Thought he was slacking off like he usually does." You chortled, earning a playful slap on the back from your mom.

"Oh, you." She told you before she led you inside and went straight to the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, have you met the new neighbors next door?"

"Nope." You answered, popping the 'p' with a purse of your lips at the end, then sat down on a seat excited to eat the apple pie your mother made while you were away. Once, it got placed down on the table, you hurriedly dug in with your barehands, but before you could, your mother slapped your hand making you pout as she folded her gardening apron.

"That's for the neighbors." She informed you, your mouth opening in understanding while nodding your head. "And I'm letting you do the honors to give this to them, since I believe, the new neighbors' son was a friend of yours."

"A friend? Who?" You asked with a raised brow, but your mother only gave you a wink and carefully hands you the apple pie. With no other choice, you stood up and wore your bunny slippers, too lazy to put your shoes back on, as you headed to the house next door.

You walked up the small stairs that led up to the house's front door and knocked three times. You waited for a reply, but you received nothing, so you waited before knocking on the door, once again just in case they didn't hear you.

Alas, a male's voice was heard, shouting a loud 'coming' to inform you that someone was finally coming for the door. You stood there patiently with a smile, practicing in your head what you will have to say to the male. The door soon flew open and appeared a tall man, who looked freakishly handsome, his features flawless that it's making it hard for you to look away. He was so surreal. Like a character pulled straight out from a comic.

You tried to utter a word, but the lines you prepared in your head was long forgotten. "Uh..." Was the only word you could ever stable.

"Er.. Is that for us?" The male asked you, snapping you from your thoughts and nodding your head, taking notice of the small lisp he had with the letter 's'.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. It's for you and your family." You said. "It's actually a tradition, so we make the new neighbors feel welcome." You added and slowly gave it to the male infront of you, a smile gracing upon his features. Goodness, his smile is so stunning.

He accepted the gift and took it into his hands. You bowed curtly and had decided to make your way back, when the male had caught your attention. "Wait, don't go just yet. Why don't you come inside and have a bite?"

And who were you to turn down an offer from a cute guy? "Uhm, er, sure. Yeah, I'd love to." He lets you walk inside first as he closes the door, a small creak and click coming from it.

"Hol'up, you're not a pedophile, are you?" You suddenly asked out of fear. "There's been a lot of news going on around the world and I've prepared my whole life, so I can fight you."

"No, no. For sure, I'm not." He said as he walked by past you, leading the way to the kitchen to guide you. Once you two made it to the kitchen, the things on the table were cleared, the car keys hiding it in his pockets. "Take a seat. I'll go grab some plates."

"Your mom and dad?" You asked out of the blue, making him chuckle.

"You're so full of questions." He told you. "They're buying groceries."

"Oh." You let out silently, sitting down while fiddling with your fingers since you got nothing else to do.

The male came back with what he intended to get and placed one on your side, then one on his, moving to the kitchen isle to get a knife to cut the pie. "So, how's your life going?"

You thought for while taking a long deep breathe. "Well, I guess you could pretty much say, complicated." You answered and when he didn't speak back to let you keep on talking, you continued. "There's days where I feel so happy, then there are days where I feel miserable." You looked up at him while he cuts the pie. "I just wish... I..." You trailed off once you were able to catch a glimpse of the discoloration of a certain area on the side of his head. Wait a minute. That birthmark...

The moment you were able to figure it out, you jumped up from your seat and widened your eyes in shock. "Yeo.. Yeosang..?"

He let out a small chuckle, before stopping his actions and looking up at you. "So, you saw my tattoo, huh?"

You couldn't believe it. He was back, but different. He's no longer the chubby little boy with snot running down his nose, he's now a total hottie and he's even taller than you already. "O-oh my gosh.. Yeosang.. You look so.. different."

"Well, I wanted to be your friend badly, I decided to change for you, but it was also a self-decision, so don't feel so bad, M/n." Yeosang said. He did change, but his personality is still the same old Yeosang.

"Yeosang, I was your friend. I was just a coward." You sadly said, your guilt even growing bigger. "I'm so sorry."

Yeosang moved to your side and pulled you into his arms, the strong scent of something sweet and musky all at the same time, tickling your nose. His embrace was so warm and caring that you never wanted him to pull away. "M/n, I have forgiven you a long time ago, already. You don't have to say sorry, anymore."

"Just let me do it, Sang. The thought of not being able to see you again keeps plaguing me for days." You admitted. "I kept on blaming myself that I was the reason why you moved away."

"No, M/n, you're not. Please, don't be hard on yourself." He said, caressing your hair. "It was a family business, so we had to move to a place near dad's work place."

You gave him a light punch and stifled a laugh. "You should have told me sooner."

You both got into a comfortable silence, before Yeosang decided to break it. "Well, how about we eat and catch up on each others' lives, yeah?"

"That sounds lovely."

[the-party-city]

first of all, this isnt gonna cover everything because i do not have the mental capacity at the moment. HOWEVER.

1) stop appropriating culture maybe

2) we are collectively trans. we are allowed to have a fucking opinion on it, and sysmed + traumascum are wildly innapropriate terms that your community stole from the trans community. i dont fucking care about the trans people using it when you guys stole it in the first place. in fact, the trans people USING THESE TERMS should fucking know better. a couple of trans people do not speak for their entire community. A LOT OF FUCKIN TRANS PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW HARMFUL THIS IS AND YOU PEOPLE DONT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT

3) i just came across a blocklist right before seeinf this and wowza!! you were on it!! i was quite literally about to block you so FUCK OFF. you are on my dni.

ps. WE DONT USE THE PRO ENDO TAGS ON ANTI ENDO POSTS. at least not us, so you dont get to act like those ppl represent the entire community. we only use the anti endo tags so literally hop off my dick and get a life.

Turning off anon asks on here too bc once again pro endos have to ruin it for everyone and send in hate asks anonymously just so they can harass in secret

Srsly fuck off I already told you I'm blocking each and every one of you don't even try it with me atp

Istg it's always the same old bs ask too like "acshually erm doctors and scientists are studying and believe in endos 🤓☝🏻" and then their only sources are trust me bro and carrds

Come back once you have a source that fully backs you up lmao, not some random carrd or a website that I was made by your community, one made by actual scientists studying at a location that is genuinely a good source of information

[authorangelita]

Chez Dalton

Let's talk Chez Dalton as seen in @macgyverrewatch2020 S02E07 Duct Tape + Jack. Most of this is below a cut because there are a lot of screenshots.

Jack's apartment is an industrial style with exposed brick and conduits and ceiling beams. I think that Jack is very sentimental, and he keeps items that are very important to him regardless of their actual value.

The first glimpse we get of Jack's place shows that he has 2 guitars and some very weird seat choices. There's a leather chair, what appears to be an old barber's chair, and a section of seating from an old movie theatre or something similar. I don't think those are the stadium seats that we see later in the show because they have red cushions, and I don't remember the stadium seating having cushions.

The brightest thing in the room is the neon dice in the back corner near the door that must lead to the bedroom. There's also the corner of what's probably a foosball table or a small pool table. I can't remember if we see more of that in the future.

The alligator (crocodile?) on the shelf behind Mac's head cracks me up. I totally headcanon Jack picking that up after an op somewhere to commemorate fighting an alligator to save Mac's life and living to tell the tale.

You guys, Jack's dining room table is an outdoor picnic table! My best guess here is that Mac somehow broke the original dining table, and they just pulled in the picnic table that used to be out on the balcony. Then, they never had time to go shopping for a new one.

Is that a deer leg/hoof on the table beside the theatre seats?

There's, of course, a Texas flag on his wall. This is the least surprising thing about his apartment.

There's a really cool horseshoe-shaped shot glass holder on the cabinet underneath the TV, or at least, where the TV should be. Does Jack keep the booze in this cabinet? I think it is!

Jack owns a lot of books. I now picture him reading books on long plane flights but waiting for everyone else to go to sleep so that they don't see him and tease him about it. There's an old Life magazine and maybe a book about Pearl Harbor visible, and I can see Jack as a military history nerd. He and Mac used to get into debates about military strategy, but it got too heated too many times, and now they have an agreement to not discuss it.

There are some toy cars in the window and on the floor. Maybe these are cars that Jack has owned or cars that he wished to own when he was younger. He has some really cool cars now.

And the katana on the window sill... I think Jack was telling the truth about picking it up in Japan on a work trip.

Jack was not lying about having a lot of CDs. Wowza!

It amuses me that Bozer staged the trunk (?) that serves as a coffee table but putting an open book there with a pair of headphones on it. What are the headphones for, Boze?

There's also a painting propped up against the wall that I find interesting. It looks like a desert scene with a mesa or something in it. Perhaps something from Texas?

One of the weirder things is the woman's silhouette holding a gun made from a shooting target. It reminds me of the Charlie's Angels silhouettes from the 70s. I don't think that's what it is, but that might have been the inspiration.

Is this a green Pinto painting? It looks like a Pinto. And now I've headcanoned that Jack's first car was a beat-up old Ford Pinto that he washed weekly and took very good care of. (Apologies for the blurry image, but it was the best screenshot I could get of it.)

Bonus: Jack's Cigar Box

Jack was most upset about the theft of his cigar box, which holds his father's dog tags and other things important to Jack. There's a Rodeo card from 1961 and what looks like a medical card or the medical portion of a draft card. We can also see that Jack's dad also had the O Neg blood type and that he was a Christian.

I thought Jack's apartment represented him very well (right down to the random weapons the cops found), though a few of the decorations were a bit odd. What did you think of the Dalton digs?

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Farmer Ted

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Regardless of where the two of you have your first conversation, Ted probably knew of and had a crush on you before you were even aware of his existence.

- He’d probably seen you around school and thought that you were really pretty but just didn’t have the nerve to introduce himself while you were with your friends/around people. But now was his perfect chance. 

- You’d been sitting outside of the school, waiting for somebody, when he’d slinked up to you all dorkily suave. Considering you were somewhat distracted by a book, you probably didn’t realize someone was approaching you until they’d; or rather he’d, sat beside you. 

- Somewhat surprised and curious, you looked up and over at him, meeting his eyes as he gave you a smile. He greeted you, making small talk as you sat together before asking if you “wanted to go out Saturday night”. 

- You found him sort of endearing and cute in a wimpy sort of way so; much to his genuine surprise, you actually said yes. 

- For your first date, the two of you went to the movies. He kept sneaking glances at you throughout the night and held his hand open on the armrest like halfway through the movie, waiting to see if you’d take it; which you probably did. 

- He probably rushes to go tell Bryce and Cliff about everything that happened after the two of you say goodbye. 

- You have your first kiss about a week after your first date. You were sitting together in his bedroom and he’d mentioned how “it may come as a surprise …but you’re the first girl he’s ever gone out with.” before telling you how he really likes you and is wondering if you’ll be his girlfriend. 

- Obviously, you agree and after an almost instantaneous “really?!”, he all but smashes his lips to yours. When the two of you pull away, he shyly apologizes but you just laugh and tell him it’s fine. 

- And there you have it, the geek finally gets the girl. 

- Lots of pda. He wants to show off and flaunt your relationship; particularly because he knows that no one would automatically assume that the two of you are dating whenever you’re together. 

- His arm around your shoulder. It makes him feel like a stud. 

- Handholding. 

- Hugs from behind. He does occasionally give you an actual squeeze but, more often than not, he just wraps his arms loosely around you while the two of you stand together. 

- He loves kisses on the cheek. He always tries his best to play it cool but his heart skips a beat whenever you give him one. 

- Clumsy kisses. You’re probably going to be his first kiss so expect him to be a little bad at it for a while; and possibly scrape you with his braces. 

- Soft kisses. 

- Sitting in his lap. He likes wrapping his arms around you and  looking up at your face or whatever you’re doing in front of him whenever you do. 

- He loves cuddling and enjoys doing it in any way that you can. Spooning? Great! You laying your head on his chest? Even better! Him laying his head on you? Wowza!

- You’ll probably catch him staring at you a lot. He’s just amazed that such a wonderful girl like you is giving him the time of day. 

- He calls you pet names more than your actual name, particularly in front of people because; once again, he likes showing off that you’re a couple. He must have at least a dozen different terms of endearment that he calls you interchangeably. 

- Lame pick up lines. He still tries to flirt with you; even though he’s arguably bad at it. 

- He likes making you laugh at his absurdity, especially if you’re noticeably upset; either with him or at something else. 

- Singing along and lip syncing to the radio together. 

- Dancing with each other. 

- Giving all of his geeky interests a try. 

- Letting him explain floppy disks and computers and all that to you. He’s actually sort of brilliant if we’re being honest here. 

- Pizza dates. 

- Movie dates. I can’t tell you why but I feel like Ted would enjoy watching old movies, movies with like Frank Sinatra in them and all the other golden age of Hollywood stars. 

- Taking walks around the neighborhood together; maybe walking a dog together if you’re interested in that. 

- Going to the park. You usually sit on the swings together and talk whenever you do. 

- Arcade dates.

- County fairs, carnivals, and amusement parks. He likes taking you to those types of things, he thinks they’re really fun.

- Having “his dudes” interrupt and tag along with you guys a lot. He’s quick to tell them to scram but you usually feel kinda bad and just tell them they can stay if they’d like to.

- He definitely tries to get you a bit out of your comfort zone but never minds if you just don’t feel like doing something. The two of you could just be standing and doing nothing and he’d be completely fine with it purely because he’s with you.

- He said it himself: he’s a total pushover for pretty girls. You can convince him to do pretty much anything because he’s too twerked up to say no.

- Doing his makeup. Did you see his lid space? The clean close shave? He’d probably outright refuse at first but he’d give in easy enough and you’d get to make him gorgeous.

- He loves the smell of your perfume. He’ll never admit it but he sprays himself with it before he leaves your house so that he can smell like you for the rest of the night. It’s comforting to him.

- He definitely messes around with your stuffed animals whenever he’s bored, you’re not paying attention to him, or just to make you smile.

- Making you laugh is one of his main missions in life. He loves hearing the sound; even if it’s at his expense. 

- Helping him clean up the messes he makes when he’s a total klutz, or just silently helping him when he’s awkwardly and cluelessly fumbling with something. 

- Standing up for him; especially if you’re higher on the social hierarchy.  

- Walking to class together. 

- Sitting with him at lunch; even though it’s sort of social suicide. You get a lot of stares and weird interactions from the other geeks but Bryce and Cliff have gotten used to you and have become pretty good friends of yours. 

- Him carrying your things, or you; he’s surprisingly strong for such a little guy. 

- You’re like 90% of his impulse control and one of the only reasons he’s still alive. You keep him in check because he desperately needs it sometimes.

- Sharing secrets. 

- Having earnest conversations. Most of the time, he feels like he needs to put up a front to seem cool but the longer you're together, the more he realizes you like him for him and that he can just be himself. 

- He can act like a bit of a jerk sometimes but he does genuinely care about your feelings and is actually pretty good at making you feel better when you’re feeling down. 

- He’s definitely pretty jealous. You hang out with him and a bunch of geeks who are constantly ogling and trying to get close to you. Not to mention the fact that you’re really pretty and could bag a boy who’s much higher on the social ladder than he is. 

- He’s not overprotective of you but he does care enough about you to put his weeny ass on the line. He may not be the most helpful in a dangerous/scary situation but he’s fully ready to get his ass kicked to defend you; he’s gotten it bruised for less than that. 

- You don’t fight a lot but the two of you do get into a few good arguments and fights. You’ll argue for a while until you move to just leave, he’ll stop you and calm his tone down while trying to reason with you and explain his point of view. He has a habit of saying the wrong thing or doing things without thinking so that may be part of the reason you’re moving to leave. 

- He is genuinely sorry whenever he’s blatantly messed up but he’ll usually apologize for his attitude regardless of who’s in the wrong and say “but you have to admit x” and you will have to admit it no matter how stubborn you are. 

- He likes when you tell him that you love him but he’s a bit too shy to say it back in fear of messing up his “stud persona”. He’ll usually just give you a kiss and tell you he loves you when you’re alone. 

- You’re his first love so he has that naive, “we’re gonna last forever” mindset; even though he doesn’t talk about it all that much. That’s not to say that you won’t though, I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life together. 

[soopersara]

I looooove Zutara so much. But I’m exhausted by how much the Zutara fandom focuses on salt and hate on Aang/Mai/Bryke/ATLA so much rather than celebrating Zutara, I can barely find 100% Zutara positivity blog spaces. Even in the Zutara Discord there’s never-ending activity in the salt tags. Like, I had no idea it was possible for a fandom to be so consistently angry, but that’s what a lot of Zutarians literally are like. 1/2

The Dramione fandom in contrast is never like this, Dramione shippers just love to celebrate without hating and dissing on canon events so much. Who cares about canon when we know what we love? Why spend so much energy thinking about something they hate? 2/2

I really don’t have any frame of reference for what other fandoms or ships are like. The ATLA fandom (and Zutara specifically) is the first fandom I ever joined, and it’s still my only fandom. I had to stare at your asks for a minute before I even knew where to begin, so bear with me. 

The thing is, people enjoy things in vastly different ways. While you may not enjoy analysis and criticism of the show (which is perfectly valid!), the fact that a lot of people participate in criticism doesn’t mean that they’re always angry or dedicating all of their time to things that they hate. If we genuinely didn’t like the show, we wouldn’t be here, it’s that simple. But a lot of us (myself included, at times), find it satisfying and even fun to pick apart and articulate the things that fell short for us. 

When I first watched the show, there were parts of the ending that niggled at me, and it was frustrating not being able to express what bothered me about it. It wasn’t until I spent time digging around some salty/critical blogs that I started seeing some of my problems with the show being pointed out in ways that helped me figure out how to articulate both what bothered me and the ways I wish they’d been done instead (which, incidentally, has fed into all of my fics). But I wasn’t angry about the show. I didn’t (and don’t) hate the show. It’s like I told an anon who asked if I hated Aang... oh, god, it’s been MONTHS ago now: It’s possible to like/love things and still wish that they were better. And that, for me, is where critcism of the show, characters, and relationships comes from. I love so many things about this show and its characters that I really notice the things that bother me, and I like talking about them because I care about the story, and discussing the things that could have been different has helped me improve as a writer. 

Now I’m not a mind reader, so I can’t say for sure, but I’m almost positive that the vast majority of Zutara shippers are coming from the same place. We love the show and its characters, and yet we wish that certain things could have been better. It probably looks like we’re angrier than we really are when we get into deep discussion mode, because... honestly, it would be exhausting to preface every statement with “I love _____, but I wish they’d done ______ instead.” So we don’t say that. Probably ever. Because most of us who do engage in critical/salty discussions come into the conversation with the base assumption that that’s where all the criticism comes from, and it’s easy to forget that there might be people in those spaces who don’t know that.

Of course, there are people who genuinely dislike certain characters or whatever, but of everyone I know, I can think of maybe... two? -ish? who truly hate the characters that that Zutara fandom is most critical of. That’s fine! Those people don’t have to like things just because they exist in the show! But the vast majority of us criticize because we saw potential that wasn’t realized and we want to analyze that, not because we hate the foundation of the show/character/whatever else.

I’m glad that you’ve had a positive, salt-free (or low-salt) experience in the Dramione fandom, but like I said, I’m not in any other fandoms, so I don’t have personal experience with how they work. I’ve heard from other people that there’s salt to be found in every fandom, but I’m guessing that Harry Potter is such a massive fandom that it’s easy to avoid if you don’t want to see it. The Zutara fandom is medium-ish, so there’s fewer niches to carve out within the ship itself.

That said, if you still want to cut back on the salt in your Zutara fandom experience, don’t be afraid to use the tools that social media platforms put at your disposal. If you notice someone whose posts bother you on ANY platform, it’s okay to unfollow or block them so you don’t see their stuff. On Discord, you can mute and hide any salt channels or categories that are bothering you (or depending on the server, have the whole salt role taken away completely if you’re sure you’re not going to use it). And it’s totally okay to redirect people to salt channels if they start geting off topic in other places! I do it fairly often when people start slipping into NSFW content in general channels. On Tumblr, you can filter tags (I admit that I suck at tagging reblogs because I’m LAZY, but the OPs generally tag correctly, and Tumblr’s filters use the OP’s tags too). “Anti-character/relationship”, “character/relationship salt”, and “character/relationship critical” might be good tags to start with, since those are fairly common. I wouldn’t recommend following the Zutara ship tag on Tumblr, because there’s sometimes mistagged stuff from other parts of the fandom (*cough* antis *cough*), but following a small number of blogs you do like and letting them sort your content for you is pretty nice. And... that’s probably all the advice I have, since I’m only on those two platforms. But remember that the block button is your friend and you’re fully within your rights to customize your social media experience any way you like!

...wowza, I got chatty. Anyway, I hope you’re not too discouraged by your experience in the fandom. The criticism really does come from a place of love and wanting to be able to create better fan content, and as proof, I think I’m going to squeeze in one more writing sprint before I fall asleep so I can bring more Zutara content into the world. 

Hugs, anon! I hope you can figure out how to make your time in the Zutara fandom what you want it to be.

[tracle0]

hey hello hi SO here's the deal I legit adore all your bird facts and your tag rambles n whenever I see them I'm like "!!!!!!" so I wanted to ask you a Bird Question so I get to hear more rambles but I don't know enough about birds to ask anything that sounds smart SO if this is not a weird request maybe could I please have some words about... 1) a Weird Bird, 2) a Cool Bird and 3) a bird you would most like to be bros with. sorry if this is a super weird ask ahaha ok cya later have a good day

HI HELLO you actually read those??? omg that very much makes me v happy to hear I just like to throw up knowledge into the tags and then assume no-one is gonna ever observe it. 

Wowza. Secret fan right here :D

Okay okay birds. Biiiirds. I gotchya man. Lots of my college project has been looking into birds. I know birds. 

However, I do live in England where there aren’t many weird birds. Our birds are kinda tame. I guess the tiny birds are kinda weird. I’ll give you some tiny bird facts. 

European robins are very shy little birds, very wary and cautious around people in most of Europe. Here is one of them;

Little fat lad. In most of Europe, v shy. However! In England, they are super bold. Very daring. Very commonly seen in gardens and allotments, waiting for gardeners to finish digging at a patch to go rummaging for bugs and other things they can eat. This is because in England, it’s considered bad luck to kill robins (don’t ask why I couldn’t find out) so they’re v safe here. 

They were called Robin Red Breast for a while, due to... red. Postmen in Victorian England also wore red around winter time, as part of their uniform, so a popular nickname for postmen in winter was Robin Red Breast. It became a sign of Christmas coming, hence why robins are so strongly associated with Christmas despite being year-round visitors. The last bit of their name was dropped but the sentiment remains. 

Other small bird facts; Goldfinches! V pretty birds. Here’s a picture

Wow look at that bird, so pretty! So, the deal with goldfinches was that they have super sweet song. I can hear one outside right now, actually, v tuneful, v recognisable songbirds. As a result, for a lot of history, goldfinches have been caught to keep as cage birds, to sing away and make rich lords and ladies houses sound nice. Rude practise. 

People think their population has been declining and blame the magpie. You’re Australian so maybe you’re like ‘reeee magpie’ (although my brain is telling me you don’t hate them and think they’re bros correct me if I’m wrong) but here magpies are mostly disliked because of their habit of taking from nests - a behaviour common to many corvids (more on that later). However! There have been lots of studies into this, and it was found that areas with higher magpie populations had no correlation to the number of songbird deaths in the area. Almost like... industrialisation and farming are driving them out of their area. 

These are long rambles. There are two info-splurges on tiny birds. Let’s move on to a cool bird, the swift! The common swift. Just to be clear.

I fucking adore swifts. Every year I wait eagerly for May to roll around so they return to England again. They are delightful birds, even if their screams are a bit unnerving. In Medieval times, people used to think their screams were the screams of damned souls in hell, and that when swifts vanished during the winter, they were buried in the mud to sleep, a belief held due to their nest-building habits of dried mud being the main item used to build nests.

Swifts barely ever land!! The only exception to this is to feed their chicks. When they’re little chicks, they do press-ups with their wings to build up wing muscles, Once they leave the nest, they keep flying for most of their life, only stopping when THEY have chicks!!! They eat, sleep and mate on the wing!!! Wild man!! 

As said before in the tags that I think you read, they rarely fly in the rain when in England/Europe - they fly to eat the bugs, and the bugs hide when it rains, so they just.... fly around the storm. They’re the only bird to actually do this. Unrelated but also neat, they’re one of the oldest species of birds, and whilst they look like swallows and house martins, they’re most closesly related to the hummingbird!!!

Swifts have the fastest level flying speed of 69mph. This means that it has the fastest speed it achieves by itself - the fastest bird of all is the peregrine falcon with its dive breaking speeds of 240mph!! That’s wild. They also keep flying for the longest, as said, and fly the furthest, from Africa to Europe and back again every year. One swift was recorded flying 4 million miles in its life - the same as travelling to the moon and back 8 times!!! Crazy. Insane. I love swifts. 

Bird I would most like to be bros with is the crow 100% because. Hello. Have we met. I love crows. Carrion crows, because they’re the crow we have here the most. 

There they are!!! V pretty. I love them. So much. 

So! Carrion crows often get a bad wrap for a variety of reasons, mostly history based, which is what I was actually exploring in the funky crow comic I’ve been doing for college work. I will say I blame Christianity and Alfred Fucking Hitchcock for their demonisation the most. They’re actually bros, being able to recognise human faces, reward those who are nice to it and punish those who are cruel. They can also tell other crows which humans are good and bad.

As said previously, a lot of corvids attack nests and eat eggs or young of other birds. I can’t defend this much - it’s what corvids do. Hell, the local crow in our area recently attacked the jackdaw nest across the road. It happens. C’est la vie. They do this because they’re scavengers, opportunistic, eating anything and everything they can, which is most likely how they’ve adapted so well to the huge industrial boom and in so many different places around the world!

In Japan, the Kanji for ‘crow’ is the same as the Kanji for ‘bird’, except the bit that symbolises the eye is removed. This is because crows, being all black with beady black eyes, look like they don’t have eyes from a distance. I learnt that from Persona 5. 

Their brains are huge!! Smart boyos!!! Hell, in terms of brain to body mass, their brains are bigger than apes!!! They’re insanely good at problem solving, with wild crows who were kept in captivity for short periods for testing being able to solve multi-step problems (some problems being 8 steps long!) for food!!! They’ve also been seen playing around with each other and the environment, something that had only been seen in apes and other high-intelligence and social creatures. They recognise their reflection. They have been observed making tools in the wild. They are very smart. 

Crows have really interesting routines and behaviours they follow regarding death - when finding a dead crow, they sound the alarm, and all swarm around the body, working together to try and figure out how it died and if it’s a threat to all of them. Sometimes they lay things on the dead crow, which some believe is similar to burying. If you’re interested in this, Kaeli Swift is a good name to look into - she specialises in corvid behaviour. 

My head is now going blank with crow facts but I think there are more. Support your local corvid nerd. Support your local bird nerd! Didn’t know I had so many facts rattling in my head. 

This uhhhh got long. If you got to the end, thumbs up 10/10 appreciate. Hope you have a top tier day :D

[plaidbooks]

Everyone Deserves Love chapter 7 part 1

A/N: So, this chapter got a little bit away from me. And instead of posting all 14k words in one part, I’m splitting it into two parts (I’ll post part 2 tomorrow, though, instead of making you wait a week!) This first part is a lot of tension and even more angst! Their first real fight! And a cliffhanger? Wowza! I also got to make up a lot of Barba’s background in this chapter, so bear with me. Little bit of Spanish that’s also translated right then. According to my friend, Adrian, there’s no “direct translation for motherfucker into Spanish which is why it’s that long.”

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Tags: mentions of cheating, minor character death, screaming/yelling

Words: 7k+

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba (lemme know if you want to be tagged!)

Office of Rafael Barba

1 Hogan Place

Thursday, April 30th. 10:05am

Ever since the night they read about Marco Sorrel, Devon had pushed to train Barba harder in his self-defense training, especially with weapons. For the past three weeks, she taught him to disarm an assailant armed with first a knife—still sheathed—and then her gun, safety on. Barba hadn’t seemed too thrilled about the idea but agreed that it was necessary. And while Devon had to admit that he was pretty good in the training, that meant nothing when it came to the real thing. She had met many an agent who had excelled in training, and then froze in the field, leading to injuries or worse. Plus, the fact that it had been three weeks with no signs of any Aces made Devon uneasy. Very uneasy. She was sleeping less and less, hardly eating, and jumping at every sound. Barba, being his normal, collected self, didn’t seem disturbed by the news; he simply went about his day, doing arraignments, trials, meetings, and whatever the hell else he had to do. Which was a good thing, Devon supposed; it would make her job harder if they were both anxious.

Today was one of those days that was going to drag on forever, Devon knew. They had gotten to the courthouse early, skipping Barba’s office entirely, doing arraignments until almost noon. They then made it to his office for an early lunch, knowing that Barba would be in court for the rest of the day. Not that Devon was complaining; being stuck in the courtroom wasn’t all that bad, even though Barba had mentioned how boring it must be to sit in the gallery all day. But in all honesty, it was a nice break for Devon. She was still aware of people coming in and out, of course, but for the most part, once a trial started, everyone settled in. She didn’t have to worry too much about an attack once in court. And only once had a defendant gotten out of hand. But once he started shouting, the bailiff was on him, dragging him out, before Devon had fully blocked off his path to Barba. She knew he wasn’t in the Aces, but she was still going to protect the man.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. It is pretty personal,” Barba commented, bringing Devon’s mind back to the present. They were just finishing lunch in his office, relaxing before the rush to court. She suddenly realized that he had asked her a question.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about stuff. What’d you ask?”

 Barba sighed. “We were talking about, uh, past relationships. I asked how your last relationship ended.” Devon remembered now; they were talking about some cases that they both did with SVU, just a walk down memory lane over food. Barba had brought up the Muñoz case, which led to him talking about Yelina. Devon could tell by how his face softened when he spoke of her that she held a special place in his heart. After asking he agreed that yes, while he had flings and relationships since, Yelina was his first true love. After she left him for his best friend, he had found a couple other partners, but none that had gotten as close to him as her. “You always remember your first,” he had said.

Devon smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Does she lie to him? Tell him that she’s had a couple relationships and leave it at that? “I’ve, um…I’ve never really been in a relationship, per se.”

Barba put down his takeout container at that, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? I thought guys would be all over you.”

She laughed his comment away, flattered. “I mean, don’t get me wrong; I’ve been, uh, intimate with people before,”—her face flushed. Why was she telling him this?—“but I’m just not the, uh, relationship type, I guess.” Why were they talking about this again? Though, she knew if she wanted to stop, she’d only have to say so. But she was curious about Barba; he was a very private man. She was interested—and a wee bit excited—that he even wanted to open up about this side of him. If that meant that she had to do the same, then so be it.

After a few moments of silence, Barba thinking through his words, he finally asked, “but haven’t you ever wanted to come home to someone?” It was an innocent enough question, but it filled Devon with such a strong sense of yearning. Of course, she did. Who didn’t want someone who would understand them, who would love them unconditionally?

“I mean, it would be nice, yes,” she kept her voice even, neutral. “But I don’t have the time, not with my job. Plus, how would someone react to something like this?” she gestured broadly. “I was out of the state for three years, then home for a week before moving in with a complete stranger, a man…no offense—”

“None taken—”

“--so, how would dating even work when I’m not even home or when I’m sleeping at someone else’s house?” Devon finished, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. She didn’t mean to get so emotional, so personal with the answer. But she was trying to make him understand.

He thought for a while, stabbing at his chicken. “I guess it would be tough with a job like that.” He took a piece out, chewed thoughtfully. “My last relationship ended because I was never home. I put my work first, so she found her home in someone else’s bed.”

Devon sat there, dumbfounded. Someone cheated on him? “What a bitch,” she mumbled. He stifled a chuckle and Devon realized she said that out loud. “Whoops,” she said, hand flying to her mouth. “Sorry.”

 “Don’t be. That was years ago; I’ve moved on,” he replied. Then, “The hardest part was returning the engagement ring.”

Devon’s heart hurt for the man. She couldn’t imagine being so in love, planning on being married to someone, and then to find out they were cheating. She couldn’t think of anything to say; she didn’t think saying sorry would help, but she didn’t want to ask any more probing questions.

“Do you ever plan on getting married?” Barba asked, staring at the desk.

The question caught Devon off-guard; she never really thought about it before. Maybe when she was a kid, as a last-ditch effort to escape her parents. But not anytime recently. “I’m not sure, really. I’ve never considered it…maybe if I met the right person, though I think I’d like to retire before hand. And I could not imagine having a wedding—too expensive. And rings are so old-fashioned and over-rated; have you seen the new movement of people proposing with beautiful, intricate knives?” She knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t stop herself. Barba, to his credit, looked up from the desk, smiling and laughing at Devon’s increasingly ridiculous marriage proposals, awkwardness and past pain soon forgotten.

“Mr. Barba?” Carmen said, sticking her head into his office, causing them both to stop their frivolous talk. “Mr. Thompson and Mr. Buchanan are here to see you.”

“There goes the fun,” Barba mumbled. Devon grinned, but moved to stand behind him, bodyguard-style, her normal place by his side.

Courthouse

Thursday, April 30th. 7:08pm

Court had lasted much longer than either of them had thought; the Judge was intent on finishing the trial today, letting tomorrow morning be for closing arguments and then letting the jury deliberate.

“I need to head back to my office; I forgot a file,” Barba had said as he gathered his things. Odd, Barba never forgot anything; man’s head was a steel trap.

 “No problem. I got nowhere to be tonight. You know that we’re still training, though, right? Staying here late doesn’t get you out of it.”

Barba sighed. As much as he knew training was important, his body was still sore from where she hit him, blocking an attack, the night before. “Yeah, I know.”

“Don’t worry; this will all be over soon enough,” Devon commented. It was true; during the trial, Devon’s phone had gone off with an update text from Olivia. 47 Aces were now sitting in jail. 18 reported left, though 5 of those 18 were reportedly no longer in New York. Once they learned that most of the police force were after them, they had picked up and left. So, in reality, unlucky 13 were left active in New York…including Marco Sorrel, who no one seemed able to pinpoint. If Devon was free to move throughout the city, she knew she could track him down. But she had to trust in the NYPD’s abilities.

 Barba was elated at the news—not having to worry about being shot was a weight off his shoulders—but at the same time, he felt upset at the thought of Devon moving out, moving on with her life. He had grown accustomed to her being there; her laugh, her banter, her presence. He didn’t know if they would remain in contact after this was over. He realized that he didn’t want to lose her. And after their talk this morning, he felt…no, he didn’t want to admit it, not to himself, or to anyone else.

They made it to the courthouse elevator, no one else in sight, and started going down to the ground floor. Barba made up his mind; he had to ask, to know if there was any chance of them having…something after the Aces were in jail. “You know, about that…I mean, after this is all over….” Barba started. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped off, Devon first and Barba right on her heels. The words died in his throat as he felt someone grab him roughly from behind, the cold steel of a gun pushing against his head.

Devon had heard his case fall from his hands, turned and had her gun up, aiming right over Barba’s shoulder before her brain had a chance to catch up. How’d I miss him? she thought, chiding herself. Then, her mind went blank, instincts and training kicking in, no room for any other thoughts. The elevator doors closed behind them, effectively pinning Barba and the man against the wall, facing Devon. Devon locked eyes with the man, ignoring Barba’s frightened look, and for a moment she was in a brownstone, looking at Nathan Woods. But she blinked again, and it was a Hispanic man, gun to Barba’s head, tattoo on his neck.

“Drop your gun, or I splatter this bastard’s brains all over the hallway,” Marco Sorrel said. She could feel Barba’s eyes on her, but she stayed focused on Marco, watching his trigger finger, pushing down the panic that was making her heart race.

“Counteroffer; you drop your gun or you’re dead before you pull the trigger,” Devon replied. She held her gun steady despite her rapid pulse, and started shifting her position slowly to the side, taking such small steps, she hoped Marco didn’t notice. This could end one of two ways, and she was deciding how best to approach it.

“Look, la loca es la primera (crazy bitch), I’m not afraid to die. But I’m taking this el cara e verga es el segundo (motherfucker) with me,” he dropped his voice, talking into Barba’s ear, barely loud enough for Devon to hear, “I hope you’ve made peace with whatever God you believe in.”

Devon felt the floor drop out from under her; she made up her mind in that moment. She took another step to the left, gaining a clear shot. She took it, squeezing the trigger. It was like watching a scene in slow motion. One moment, Marco had a gun to Barba’s head. Barba looked terrified, frozen in place. Then, a hole appeared between Marco’s eyes; his head snapped back and red splattered the elevator doors. His body hit the doors, and he slid down until he was slumped against them, gun clattering to the floor. Barba had ducked from the loud gunshot; he stood slowly, shakily, and turned to look at him while Devon slowly lowered her gun. She holstered it, putting the safety on—she knew she’d be turning it over tonight.

People started showing up then; Devon wasn’t sure where they were coming from. But they must have heard the gunshot, the hallways and curved ceiling making a perfect echo chamber. She stepped up to Barba, who was still looking at Marco’s dead body. She reached a hand out to him, saw her hand shaking slightly, clenched it into a fist and dropped it.

“Hey, are you alright? Are you hurt?” she asked, voice surprisingly steady for how shaky she was feeling.

Barba couldn’t take his eyes off the dead man, his face a little green. “You—you killed him. You just murdered a man.” He had whispered it, so matter-of-factly, voice dead.

The tone he had—or lack thereof--hit Devon like a physical blow. She reached out, hand not shaking this time, and took his hand, leading him a little down the hallway, putting the body behind him so that he was forced to look at Devon. That was almost worse; he looked rattled, shaking slightly, his green eyes wide. He yanked his hand out of her grip as if she had stung him.

“Uh, yes, I did…. You heard him; he was going to kill you in the next moment. I saw my shot and I took it; it was a good shoot,” she explained.

Barba had seen dead bodies in the morgue and in autopsy pictures before, but he had never seen someone killed, been close enough to feel the man’s weight fall off him. To fear, even for one moment, that he was the one who was shot. It felt like his brain was moving through sludge; he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. It all had happened so fast; it was amazing how quick, how easy it was to kill someone.

“Police are taught to de-escalate a situation. You’re a damn negotiator, for fuck’s sake! You didn’t have to kill him.” Barba didn’t know where this anger came from, but it was a familiar emotion. He knew anger, so he wrapped himself in it like armor, let it protect his frazzled mind.

The rational side of Devon’s mind knew that this was simply a reaction to shock; when she was in the same situation 4 years ago, her reaction was to shut down. But anger, she knew, was also a very normal reaction to shock. Sadly, another reaction to someone yelling is to go on the defensive. And with all of her senses heightened, adrenaline coursing through her, that’s exactly what Devon did, replying, “yeah, I am a negotiator! And I know when a negotiation doesn’t work; I’ve seen enough hostages killed to know what it looks like. I was not going to let that happen to you.”

“He didn’t have to die, though! You know how to disarm perps!” he shot right back.

Devon shook her head, ran her hand through her hair in frustration. “I had no options, Barba. I hesitate, and you die! I shoot the hand with the gun, and there’s a damn good chance I hit you. Like I said, I saw my shot and I took it. Do I wish I didn’t have to kill him? Of course! But I will not apologize for doing my job.”

“That’s not good enough!” Barba yelled.

“Then what is, huh? What would you, a fucking ADA with apparently expert knowledge on hostage situations, have me do?” Devon answered, blood boiling.

Barba had no answer, so he let out an annoyed huff, and pushed past her. He made his way to one of the benches left outside a courtroom, intended for those waiting to go in, and sat down hard. He leaned his face into his hands, elbows on his knees. Devon took deep breaths through her nostrils, knowing that she needed to take a step back, to control this anger that seemed to stem from nowhere. And she needed to try and calm him down, too, whether he liked it or not. But first, she had to make a phone call.

The crowd that had gathered was staying well away from the body, and even further away from the two of them after their shouting match. She was sure that the police had already been called, but Devon still took out her phone and dialed Olivia’s cell, asking her to alert CSU and IAB. While it was true that the FBI had their own Internal Affairs, and Devon would have to talk to them, too, she was technically working for SVU at the moment, so IAB and 1PP would be involved. It was always tricky with them; they loved to remind her that she wasn’t an NYPD officer, but they also loved to throw her under the bus when they thought she fucked up. She had a grim curiosity about what policies they would take with her this time. Once she hung up with Liv, she figured she’d inform Barba.

Without moving closer, Devon spoke to the wall in front of her. “IAB is going to want to talk to you, too. You’re an eyewitness.” Barba sat in silence, no indication that he even heard her. Devon took another deep breath; she was going to have this conversation with him at some point, might as well be now while he wasn’t yelling.

“If you want someone else to protect you, I have no objections. I understand if you don’t trust me now,” she said softly. The words ripped a hole in her heart to say, but it was his right to have a choice, something he didn’t have when Liv shoved Devon onto him. Plus, she couldn’t get the image of his face after Marco was dead out of her mind: the fear, the anger, the betrayal. Like she was the worst person in the world.

Barba had a thousand thoughts rushing through his mind; they swirled, and he couldn’t seem to clear it. He knew he had to answer her tonight, so he finally said, more to the floor than to her, “I just want to go home for the night; get a good night’s rest. I…I need time to process all of this.”

Well, that was normal after having such a near-death experience, and he wasn’t giving her the boot quite yet. Though, she was waiting for the other shoe to drop; by tomorrow, he’d be done with her. Recognizing that the conversation was over, she thought about their sleeping arrangements. IAB wouldn’t allow her to stay with him tonight; it was against protocol. They could concoct a story about all of this, lie for each other. Her adrenaline was already wearing off, leaving her exhausted. But they had to wait for Olivia to get there, to deal with this situation.

Thankfully, they only had to wait another five minutes, though it felt like an eternity in silence. Olivia was somehow the first on the scene, the rest of SVU on her heels. The detectives started clearing the courthouse of spectators, while Liv came over to the agent and counselor. Devon took off her gun and knife, handing them over.

She took them but turned to Barba first. “There will be an unmarked car watching your place tonight. I think you should get a good night’s sleep before talking to officers tomorrow morning. I’ll give you a ride home tonight, and then come by tomorrow for your statement.” He gave her a stiff nod, then Olivia turned to Devon, sighing heavily. “IAB has instructed me to escort you to the hospital for a blood-alcohol test,”

“That’s normal—” Devon started, before Olivia cut her off.

“And then to place you under arrest until they investigate this further.” Ah, there it is, Devon thought.

She smiled grimly. “And when will that be?” Devon asked. Officers had up to 48 hours to report to IAB after an incident like this, and Devon was sure that they’d make her wait the whole time, incarcerated...if they counted her as an officer. They could potentially make her wait indefinitely. As shitty as that was, all she could think about was who would watch Barba tomorrow at work.

Liv shook her head. “I don’t know; they didn’t specify. Detective Rollins will escort you to the hospital, and then to the cage at SVU.” Better than Rikers, Devon thought ruefully. She glanced at Barba, trying to make sure he was alright, but he was still staring at the floor.

Olivia gave her a look full of concern, before nodding to Rollins. Devon placed her hands behind her back and Rollins cuffed her, looking upset that she was the one chosen to do so. She read her her rights as they left the courthouse. Barba finally looked up as she led her away, a tightness in his chest. Arrested for murder…arrested for saving his life.

Liv sat on the bench next to him. “Are you alright, Rafa?”

He pulled his eyes from Devon’s retreating form, looking at Olivia, her expression full of worry. “She saved my life yet again, but by killing someone. I’m...I’m not sure how to feel about it.” He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it could come to this, that she may have to shoot someone to protect him. But his life had almost always been painted in black and white; murder is bad, illegal. Sure, there were exceptions, but they were few and far in between. And even then, he always viewed justifiable homicide as a last resort. Was killing Marco a last resort?

Liv mulled over her thoughts for a while before replying, “I’ve known Devon for years; she wouldn’t shoot someone for no reason.”

Barba suddenly realized that she had no idea what happened here; Devon wasn’t allowed to tell her without having counsel with her, and Barba didn’t count since he was a witness. So, Barba gave her the broad strokes of what had happened, including Marco’s threat that had pushed Devon over the edge and their conversation afterwards. Liv almost stopped him—he shouldn’t be telling her or anyone besides IAB about this—but he wasn’t a trained officer, and he needed to tell someone about this. Might as well be her.

So, Liv listened in silence, nodding along with his tale. She sighed when he finished, saying, “look, Rafa, you know that I’m against murder as much as you are. But this sounds like a good shoot. She shot him not in self-defense, but in defense of you, which may be a stronger pull, especially for someone like Devon. Trust me, though, she’s not nearly as accepting of this outcome as she may seem.”

Barba took that into consideration; maybe killing a man was eating her up inside. He knew that she had shot people before, but he didn’t know if she had killed someone before. And all he had done was yell at her, blaming her for saving his life yet again. He felt ashamed that he couldn’t control himself, his emotions; he knew Devon at this point. She wasn’t some serial killer. She was his friend, and she was risking her life every day making sure he was safe. And now she was in jail.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Liv said, breaking through his thoughts. He picked up his briefcase on the way out, unable to stomach even glancing at the blood on the ground. They rode in silence, enraptured in their own thoughts; Olivia worrying over how IAB would handle this case—she knew that IAB wasn’t particularly fond of SVU’s relationship with the Federal agent—and Barba going over the whole scene in his mind over and over again, from the moment those elevator doors closed to Devon’s back as she was led out in cuffs. After saying their goodbyes, Barba headed into his building. He noticed the unmarked car parked in front, but it didn’t feel like a comfort, not like Devon’s presence felt. He opened the door and locked it behind him, arming the doorstop like she had shown him. His loft seemed so empty, so quiet. Grabbing the thickest book he could find, he checked every room for intruders; a mockery of how professional Devon usually conducted the search. Barba felt foolish doing it himself, book in hand, but he knew it must be done if he wanted any peace tonight; his blood was still rushing in his ears. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he slowly stripped off his jacket and looked at the time. 11:36pm. He knew there was no chance of sleep tonight, but he’d have to try. To hopefully help him sleep, he dug out his favorite bottle of scotch, pouring himself a glass. He had to sort out his mind if he was ever going to sleep, though the alcohol may help calm his nerves, too. Plus, he needed to figure out how tomorrow was going to play out. He’d never talked to IAB before, nor been an eyewitness to a crime…at least, not like this. For court, he had his bullet-proof question tree, his responses to whatever the opposition said written down and memorized. Now, though, he was the one on trial, and he had no idea what to say.

Apartment of Rafael Barba

Friday, May 1st. 7:00am

Barba showered in the morning, after tossing and turning all night. He didn’t go to bed until after 1am, but even with how exhausted he was, not to mention slightly drunk, he could not sleep. He kept thinking about the look of conviction in Devon’s eyes as she pulled the trigger, Marco’s dead body, blood splattered everywhere, his anger and fear as he took out all that energy, all that adrenaline, on Devon. Every time he thought about that conversation, a fresh wave of shame washed over him. He knew that victims sometimes lashed out after something traumatic happened, but he wasn’t a victim…right? He never thought of himself as one; he was simply a marked man. But even he knew that was a bunch of crap.

He got a text sometime while in the shower from McCoy, telling him to take the day, and the weekend, off. First of all, he knew that IAB would want to interview Barba about the dead body found by the elevators last night. And second, he knew that Barba probably needed the time off to collect his thoughts after having such a close brush with death. True, McCoy knew the ADA well, knew that he could handle himself and could feasibly work if asked, but the DA knew it would be better to let Barba relax for a couple days.

Don’t worry, I got a continuous on all your cases. McCoy texted him.

Sighing, he got dressed in a suit, though not one of his expensive court suits—this was more of a “weekend” suit, as he liked to call them. Though, Devon loved to tease him that they didn’t look different. He tried to explain it once, about the different material, the different cuts in shape, but she only laughed harder. He came out of his room, mumbling a quiet, “morning,” then looked to the couch when there was no answer, finding it empty. Oh…right, he thought, missing her singsong, perky voice in the morning. Then he realized that that meant there was no coffee made yet.

As he moved in the kitchen. his phone went off, causing him to jump and almost dropped his mug; it was a message from Liv letting him know that IAB had pushed back the meeting and that she would update him with a time when she knew. She would be there in a bit for his statement, and the unmarked car would stay posted until further notice. At least that gave him some time to finalize what he wanted to say to Devon when…if he saw her. He had solidified his testimony that he would say to IAB. With nothing else to do, he sat in his armchair nervously, fiddling with a pen in his hands.

SVU Department

Friday, May 1st. 7:00am

Devon stared at the ceiling of SVU’s holding cell. Thankfully, she was its only occupant all night. Rollins had given her a pillow and a blanket and told her to try and get some sleep, but they both knew that that wasn’t happening. Instead, Devon counted the bars on the walls, did her normal workouts that she performed in Barba’s loft every morning, and thought about anything that wasn’t Barba’s face, full of fear—fear of Marco, or her?—from the night before. But as the time trickled by and night gave way to dawn, Devon was forced to confront last night’s events. She meant what she had said; she wasn’t sorry that she had killed Marco. If she had done nothing, if she had hesitated for even a second longer, there’d be two bodies in the morgue. She was pretty sure the Barba understood that, but she did not expect him to flip out like he did. Shock makes people lash out, she told herself. Though she wasn’t thrilled that she had killed someone, it wasn’t her first time, either. And Barba was right; in a perfect world, she would have been able to de-escalate the situation, even though she knew deep down that she only had the two options; kill or be killed. She took a deep breath, trying to center herself. She thought back to the fight with Barba; she had dealt with…troublesome victims before: she’d had people yell at her, take a swing at her, threaten her and everyone she loved. So, why was this different? Why did this hurt so much more? A thought in her mind caught her attention. She tried to ignore it, to squish it, but it remained. You love him. She shook her head—no, no! She didn’t, couldn’t. They only met a few months ago! This was just a crush, a superficial infatuation based on living in such close quarters...ignoring the fact that he was ridiculously handsome, smart, funny, caring.... Okay, she had to stop thinking about it. It would pass, it had to.

“Morning,” Fin greeted. Devon jumped, not hearing him approach; she was too wrapped in her thoughts. She sat up and saw that he held a coffee out to her. “Don’t tell anyone I gave you this.”

She took the coffee from him. “Thank you,” she said gratefully. She took a sip, letting it warm her; the cell was cold, despite the blanket. “So, what time is it?”

Fin checked his watch before answering, “seven. And bad news, IAB pushed your interview back. No official time yet,” Devon huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes; of course, they were going to make her sweat, waiting in a cell. Plus, it was Friday; they may make her wait all weekend. “Also, they told us to keep you in cuffs until you go into interrogation.”

“Ah, right. IAB: guilty until proven otherwise. Tucker still in charge?”

Fin smirked. “You think that asshole has anything better to do?”

Devon grinned, then took her seat on the bench that served as a bed, trying to calm her nerves. She sipped at her coffee but didn’t really taste it. Her mind was racing again; she wasn’t afraid of IAB, per se, but that wasn’t the only variable here. Tucker already had a deep dislike of Devon. And then there was also Barba’s statement. Was he still pissed at her? Would he throw her under the bus, tell IAB that she didn’t need to kill Marco? She honestly didn’t know, and that worried her most.

The day passed by slowly, but thankfully no other perp was added to the cage. She was only let out to use the restroom, and none of the detectives felt like making her wear the cuffs. Devon sat in silence, going over her testimony again and again, making sure she had an answer for everything. She was going to tell the truth, but IAB was good at twisting words and actions, and she wanted to be prepared. She replayed every moment from the night before…except for the fight with Barba. She knew she’d have to review it eventually, but she really didn’t have the strength after the sleepless night.

The detectives were all busy; Liv and Fin stopped by every now and again to check in, update her on IAB’s timetable and to see if she needed something. Technically, they weren’t allowed to talk about what had happened, even though Devon waived Miranda. It wasn’t until about 2pm that she had any real company. Detective Amaro came into the cage, bringing a plain bologna sandwich for Devon’s lunch. Government money at work.

“Thanks,” she said, sitting up. Amaro surprised her by taking a seat next to her.

“Mind if we talk a little bit? I feel like we haven’t really talked much,” he replied, handing her the sandwich. Devon unwrapped it, took a bite. Better than nothing, and her stomach was empty outside of shitty precinct coffee. It was true, though; besides bringing Barba in for cases, Devon hadn’t really been around SVU enough to really “meet” the new detectives. Not including the awkward hospital visit from the night before with Rollins.

“Uh, sure, as long as we don’t talk about last night; don’t want IAB coming down on your head, too. What’s on your mind?”

He held out his hand for her to shake. “Detective Nick Amaro. Transferred from narcotics. Been in SVU for a little over a year, but I don’t see myself doing anything else. Partnered first with Benson, and now Rollins. And trust me, I don’t need another reason to have IAB coming after me.”

Devon shook his hand, a little bemused that he was introducing himself. “Ah, Senior Special Agent Devon Motely. FBI for 20 years; started as negotiator and added on undercover. Don’t have a partner, but I do have a team, much like NYPD’s ESU. I trust them with my life, even if I don’t work with them as often as I’d like.”

Amaro sat for a moment, taking in her words. “I looked in your jacket, this is your third kill. Last two were clean, too.” He seemed a little nervous talking about her personal file but hid it well with a charming smile.

Third in the jacket, Devon mentally corrected, and that doesn’t include firefights, where it’s impossible to tell who shot whom. But that wasn’t something she was going to bring up, not now. Devon remembered the other two that were in her file, though. The first had haunted her for weeks afterwards, even if he did deserve it. The man was a bastard; trafficked young girls, even “tested” them out, to make sure they could perform. He had run when Devon confronted him, then started shooting once cornered. She just happened to get him first, total luck, and she knew it. Probably why she didn’t sleep for two weeks afterwards. The second one still hurt, even years later. It was a 22-year-old man—a kid, really—who was caught in a bad situation. He was abused, both physically and sexually, by his father since he was 13. Then one day, he snapped. Took a gun, went to his parent’s house. Devon was called in to try and de-escalate the situation. She got out of her car, and gunshots went off. The kid had shot both parents, then came out the front door just as Devon was rushing in. He had the gun facing down at the ground and didn’t raise it fast enough by the time he shot, hitting Devon in the hip. She reacted on instinct alone, shooting him in the stomach. He died in her arms, bled out before EMTs could get there. She still had nightmares about it, every time she looked at the scar on her hip. She was lucky; the bullet had gone clean through, hitting nothing. A one in a million shot.

“Devon?” Amaro asked, pulling Devon out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry. I, uh, I have shot two people before Marco, correct,” she replied. “Wish I hadn’t, but things happen on the job. I’m sure you know that.”

Amaro nodded. “Yeah, I—I’ve taken some shots before, too.” He let out a breath. “Takes a toll after a while, huh?” Devon agreed. It came with the job, and therapy was a lifesaver. But some scars took longer to heal than others. “So, how did this one go down?”

Wait, was he trying to interrogate her? Come in as a friend and pry into the case? Or was Devon looking into it too much? She wasn’t sure, but she also didn’t know the guy.

“I think that Tucker would be pretty pissed if I talked to an SVU detective about this,” she deflected, keeping her voice light.

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to grill you or anything. But I agree; he already doesn’t care for me, anyways. Don’t need to give him more ammunition against me.”

“That’s something we have in common. You think they had to ‘push back’ this investigation because IAB is busy? CSU still processing info? Nah, Tucker hates my guts,” Devon chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“I think that’s just Tucker,” Amaro replied, smiling.

Just then, Fin walked up. Amaro stood to leave, as if he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Just so you know, they finally set a time. 3pm.” Fin announced. Thank god; having a set time took some of the weight off Devon’s shoulders, but it did make her stomach drop all the same. Both Amaro and Fin left then, Amaro giving Devon a small smile, a peace offering after her accusation.

Fin came back 20 minutes later and reluctantly cuffed Devon once more. At least he left them a little loose, so she wasn’t losing circulation. He took her to his squad car, and he, along with Rollins, drove her to IAB’s headquarters.

[langst-wins]

Okay so y'all are sleeping on the After Buzz interview!!! There's SO MUCH Klance goodness to unpack here, it's full meta worthy.

Okay, so I'm sure by now everyone who regularly views the Klance tag has seen a short 20-30 second video clip from this interview going around. We're all pretty hyped about it (as we should be!)

For those who haven't seen that clip because they live under a rock: it's basically a 45 minute interview all about The Fued episode.

Here's the thing though: that 20-30 second video clip does NOT even CLOSE to do justice to the significance of Klance hinted at in this interview!! That clip isn't even the best part, imo! I highly recommend, before you even scroll down to read this meta, that you click on that video and watch from about 34:50 to about 37:20. That's the clip I'm gonna write about.

Watched it? Okay. Good.

Now listen up.

Somebody was in the Klance tag earlier tryna get people down by saying the interviewer was the one who brought up Klance, but if you watch the video clip I reccomend above, that's not true at all.

The interviewer was asking in general about how they decided who would pick who at the end of the episode. Lauren is the one who brought up Keith and Lance and their dynamic, pretty much out of the blue.

The interviewer asked how they decided who was gonna pick who, and they're talking about who wrote the episode, giving Tim credit, etc.

Lauren started saying Bob was trying to get the better of the team, and having them all choose someone besides themselves and having everyone get chosen, and show they all respect each other, was the only way to beat Bob.

But JDS had a different view.

JDS: "I think Bob was just trying to help them realize it. I don't think he had it out for them, I think he was--his endgame was, like, I want these guys to work."

I know JDS was trying to sound like he was referencing the entire team here - but honestly? I don't think he was.

I say that because, when I first watched this episode as a Klance shipper, this was the exact thought I had regarding Klance. I flipped because I was thinking, "Wowza, Bob's really out here tryna bring Keith and Lance together, huh. Number one Klancer right there, ol' Bob." I've always thought that Bob was low key trying to play matchmaker for Klance and this kinda sort of confirms that in a way, I think.

JDS: "We were like 'how's this gonna happen?' then we read it and we were like '...oh that's pretty smart, yeah.'"

LM: "That is a good way for that to happen."

JDS: "It all worked out, yeah."

I don't understand how this relates to the team as a whole.

I don't understand how this relates to the team platonically choosing each other.

They all like and respect each other. We already know this. What does JDS mean by "how its gonna happen"? How is what going to happen?

Good way for what to happen, LM?

Keep in mind, Bob is essentially an all-knowing deity. If Keith and Lance have romantic feelings for each other, he for sure knows, and was trying to help them realize it just like JDS said.

After this, the interviewer continues on talking about Keith and Lance dynamic and how theres always gonna be that little bit of antagonism between them even though they're mostly getting along now. The interviewer even brings up the "dont miss" snippet scene that pretty much everyone but Klancers brushed off in season 7.

And if you listen while the interviewer is talking about Keith and Lance and their dynamic, LM is kind of saying "yeah" in the background in a weird way, like she kind of sees, the same way I do, that the interviewer is thinking along a line of Klance.

It sounds like she maybe doesn't want to talk about it? It's hard to explain, just listen to it.

And LM kinda awkardly says "aww" at one point while the interviewer is talking about Keith and Lance dynamic. Like I'm sorry but..why aww? And why so awkwardly?

I think LM's mind is thinking in a way geared toward Klance/not spoiling Klance in these last few moments of the interview and she's trying to placate. Again, it's hard to explain, just listen for yourself.

The same person in the Klance tag earlier who was tryna get people down pointed out that, after this, JDS compares Keith and Lance to a relationship he has with a buddy of his. Debbie downer said JDS thinks of Keith and Lance as friends.

I dont think so.

I think they say little things like this to kind of hint at Klance without straight up spoiling Klance. They throw in comments like that to throw water on the fire, so to speak, to keep people from catching on.

(Also: he's not wrong at all. At this point in the show Keith and Lance ARE buddies. It's slow burn. They aren't romantic yet - but they will be.)

But also...RIGHT after JDS makes the buddy comparison is when the moment happens of LM talking, the popular 20-30 second clip that's been going around tumblr.

This is the part I'm sure you've all seen. Lauren says that Lance is maturing, moving on, and opening up by calling Keith the future. She also puts emphasis on Keith's name. "I think KEITH is the future."

And after this is yet another moment that negative peeps are tryna bring KICKers down with; Lauren says Keith is so perturbed by the whole game show thing that he doesn't put much thought into who he chose.

But...that doesnt quite add up.

Earlier in the interview, they were talking about how Keith is just so calm through the whole thing.

LM and JDS said it's because they couldn't really get a hold of Steven Yeun to revoice the lines in a more concerned tone. They make a joke about how he's not exactly easy to get ahold of (lmfao yeah we've noticed.)

Then JDS points out that it really works out, actually, that Keith is so calm, because after flying magical mechanical space lions to form a giant magical mechanical space man, there's likely very little that could perturb Keith at this point, so his meh attitude toward the game show makes sense.

That doesn't add up with him being "so perturbed" by the game show thing that he just chooses at random.

Either he's calm and collected during the game show or he's not. It can't be both ways.

So did Keith choose Lance with a calm and clear mind, or was he shaken and choosing at random? They were very inconsistent with this.

But imo? Keith isn't one to get very riled up or perturbed by things like this. Keith also isn't one to make such an important life or death decision of who should be free to leave without putting any thought into it. That doesn't match his character at all.

LM and JDS did something they often do here, which is the good cop bad cop routine.

One of them hints at Klance, then the other pulls back and tries to make it seem less romantic. Then the one who tried to make it seem less romantic hints at Klance themselves, and the one who originally hinted at Klance tries to ease it back a little.

They do this constantly when discussing Keith and Lance in any way. It's like a rhythm they've got going to stoke the flames and then splash a little water in; not starting a wildfire, but not putting it out completely.

Another thing I noticed: they said earlier on in the video that, originally, the game show was meant to be the final episode before they got back to earth.

Originally, the stakes for the game show were supposed to be "win and you basically get wormholed back to your solar system."

They decided to switch the episode order around because it didn't feel right to have them get back to earth right on the heels of a silly game show; it made the stakes seem like they were less serious, and they didn't want that (makes perfect sense! Good call!)

One note of specific pessimism for Klancers after season seven was that we got that one he's like, the future moment and then Lance turns right around and is angry and snapping at Keith in the episode where they were going space mad.

This made a lot of Klancers lose hope because they felt like any potential was fizzled out when that one moment early on in the season was almost all the Klance we got (I personally think there were more Klance moments than just the Fued in season seven, and I even think Lance snapping at Keith about running away was a low key Klance moment, but that's another meta for another time.)

But...apparently...the space mad episode was originally meant to come BEFORE the Fued.

Y'all know what that means?

It means that, originally...Lance was going to snap at Keith about running away...and then he was going to call Keith the future later on.

This makes a hell of a lot more sense in the terms of Klance being a slow burn. It was the change of episode order that threw us.

Also notice that...they didn't specifically talk about any other characters or the relationship between any othercharacters. They JUST talked about Lance and Keith.

The interviewer asked in general how they decided who was going to choose who...and the showrunners just straight up spent three minutes talking about Keith and Lance without a single mention of the other three paladins.

The interviewer didn't bring up Klance. Lauren brought up Klance. The interviewer saw the opportunity and started digging a little, AFTER Lauren brought it up.

I just...

You guys.

You guys.

All of this, plus the fact that the Garfle Warfle Snick logo is an exact replica of the irl Dating Game logo, plus the fact that Josh Keaton said this episode contains "a lot of foreshadowing," plus the way Lance looked so kind and soft when he called Keith the future, plus the confused looks Pidge and Hunk had when Lance and Keith chose each other, like they sense this was more than a bro moment?

Guys. Come on.

KICK.

[grovyrosegirl]

Update: A Heads Up for my Followers!

Hiya everyone! Bit of an announcement, but it’s an important one. I want to give you all a bit of a heads up when it comes to future content from me. 

I got a lot of my followers from the Minecraft Story Mode community, as about two years ago I was one of many fanfic writers in the fandom. (Wowza, that was 2017, I was in my last year of high school back then! Where does the time go?) And pretty much 90% of my content was for MCSM. 

Because MCSM is a game with a target audience of families, which by extension meant a young fanbase, I wanted to keep true to the family friendly tone of the game. So as I kept writing fics, I tried to stick super close to canon, not get TOO dark/graphic in the subject matters of the fics, and I even tried to watch myself to avoid putting curse words in my stories. (I think the worst curse words I’ve ever used in fics were the super rare “hell” or “damn” but I digress.) With this in mind, I always tried to remember that some of my followers are probably younger than me, which made me feel a bit of a responsibility to watch what I post.

Something else you all should know, if you don’t already, is that I identify as a panromantic asexual. And on the spectrum, I tend to lean more towards the sex-repulsed side of things, so I typically avoid explicit and/or heavily sexual content already. I also don’t WRITE very explicit and/or sexual content. If you read my rules, you’ll see that I specifically ask people not to send me things/requests of that nature. And that’s probably not going to change anytime soon. 

HOWEVER, with all of this said, I need to inform my followers, especially those of you who are younger and/or might not be comfortable with certain mature themes, that my future content might start dealing with more heavy themes. 

I loved MCSM. It was a game that got me through a rough period in my life and re-sparked my love of writing. I also got to meet some great people through it! But, like all things, the game has come to end, and the fandom is no longer as active as it used to be. And even though I love the story, world, and characters, I’m at a point where I want to move on and write for different things. And honestly, I’m just feeling burnt out after writing for the same characters for years. I’ll still write the occasional thing for MCSM here and there, but otherwise, I think it’s time to move on. 

As some of you might’ve noticed, I’m dipping my toes in the Overwatch fandom and have written two stories for it, as well as answered prompts for it. I want to continue doing this, as it’s probably the most active fandom I’m in at the moment. But it’s important for my followers to know that Overwatch is not a game intended for a family audience, despite it’s optimistic future and Pixar-like art style. The game is rated “T”, which means the target audience is teenagers and adults. As such, this means the game is allowed to tackle mature subjects. 

Here’s a brief list of themes/ideas/aspects in Overwatch’s story that might inevitably come up if I’m going to be writing fanfics for it:

War

Terrorism

Political Corruption

Corporate Corruption

Unethical scientific experimentation

PTSD and other forms of trauma

Prejudice

Violence

Death

Abuse

Torture

Vigilantism

As you can see, Overwatch does deal with heavy themes. It’s definitely not as graphic or violent as other games in the FPS genre, but there are some DARK moments in Overwatch. I should also mention that the main heroes of Overwatch are, for the most part, adults. Which means they do adult things. 

So, here is a heads up for my followers. If any of the topics listed above make you uncomfortable, then by all means, you are free to unfollow me. I will not be offended in the slightest. You’re also free to block certain tags, as I will also do my best to tag any sort of content I make and/or reblog that has mature themes. And if you ever need me to tag something because I forgot or didn’t think to do so, please feel free to message me and ask me to tag something, and I’ll do it in a heartbeat.

Please do know that I don’t intend on writing extremely graphic content. That’s honestly not my style. If the day ever comes that I DO write something of that nature, then I probably won’t even post it here on Tumblr and just leave it solely on AO3 where it can be properly tagged and hidden behind a content warning. But do know that future Overwatch fics might not be as family friendly as my MCSM stuff. 

Phew! Okay, that’s all! I applaud you if read through all of this, thanks a bunch! I hope my future content will be just as enjoyable as my past work! 

With that, have fun and stay safe everybody!

[minblush]

k-armys are spreading a tweet namjoon made in 2013 about korean independence where he says 'There is no future for people who have forgotten history' which shows he probably won't agree with working with a japanese imperialist, hopefully he still has this attitude in 2018 twitter(.)com/BTS_twt/status/367906282012831744

yeah i have seen them doing that ;; and fancafe and all the official tweets since then have been flooded with people talking about these things too, but bighit is playing dead fish so far :(

microwavehater said:Am i the only one who never believed that bts has ~creative freedom~ (anymore) ? If they (still) had, they’d use their influence to spread msgs like baepsae, not just love urself uwu (considering yoongi made political pre-debut releases &interview stuff) Also, their newer releases (LY her onwards) are v much lacking in the hiphop department which (i assume) was a marketing choice. Hiphop just doesn’t sell as well to a female audience (along w the fact that vocalists are the face of BTS).

i think they still have creative input but creative freedom definitely not, but it’s debatable if they ever had it anyway? idk.. and them moving on from hip-hop was definitely both trying to change things up as well as appeal to a broader audience, love yourself era overall was an attempt to basically touch as many people as possible, i don’t mind them changing their musical direction but what has bothered me was the loss of their involvement (because it is less)

Anonymous said:I totally agree with you about BTS losing their originality. I’m almost starting to get annoyed of them. Now bc they know people love their music for its topics such as mental health, etc I almost feel like they’re thinking that they’re obliged to constantly write music that only has a “social” message. I did not like Idol at all. It was pretty tacky and the idea of loving yourself seemed so forced in the lyrics. I want them to make songs about whatever they want at that moment. (1/?)

Anonymous said:Also every fan keeps saying the same thing about them being unfiltered when actually they’ve become SO filtered now. They’ve almost created this illusion of being super open with us when actually we barely know anything about them. I don’t mind that but I hate how they’re touting that as something that applies to them. Honestly most fans now are the bandwagon type and the fandom is starting to feel more like a cult versus a community like it used to. (2/2)

i don’t know if i ever talked about them losing their originality? because originality is debatable in this case too, if you mean their original intention then yes i agree with that, and i agree they definitely created the illusion, once i got out of the bts bubble a bit and also thought back to the old days, i realized how closed off and filtered everything is comparison to the past and even to other kpop groups nowadays that are way more direct, i feel like even exo is more outspoken these days and direct with their fans which i thought could never happen??? i used to stan them and it was hell hah.. and these days.. wowza..

Anonymous said:Fuck yesss we need new yoongi mixtape and i agree abt what you said i wish bts could read that and be like okay guys i think they are right we have done some questionable things and shit has to be addressed whether we like it or not and just fucking do so. Some fans will drop but some would drop anyway bc it is getting out of hand i would never want to call bts problematic bc shit i cannot imagine that being true but them supporting problematic people is kind of making them ones

i just feel like nothing will change because bang pd is too greedy.. he really is eyeing like building a global empire with all the business deals he has been making.. also bts have done plenty “problematic” things themselves, though not to that extent, but some of their actions have hurt a lot of people too, but it depends on what bothers you, i find colorism and things like that a problem, but ofc definitely different thing than pedophilia and such, i just meant to say that nobody is perfect

Anonymous said:Do you ever just wanna randomly bump into bts and be like “hey lets talk!” And then tell them about all these issues and fandom drama and just tell them to wake the hell up? Cos I do haha

well even if we bumped into them, most of them wouldn’t talk to you so dkajsdka

Anonymous said:i agree with everything you have said but what bothers me is he is a co produce of produce 48 and nobody really complained about it even though he is know for sexualizing minors... or did i miss something?? also i feel sorry for you getting hate you were just saying your opinion and people should start to accept some facts! it's not the first time bighit did something questionable ://

oh but actually when that was announced there was backlash? i remember seeing complaints about the producer as well as some of the trainees due to their supposed right wing associations, there were also complaints about women’s rights cause of the oversexualization of some of the girls back in japan and the producer’s lyrics, i think this backlash seems bigger or more visible to you because it’s happening in your fandom ;; that season of produce even ended up having the lowest rankings and voting participation so :/

Anonymous said:I have three words to describe the part of the fandom that blindly accepts all the things, even the problematic ones, BTS do. 'Situationally woke cult'.

that fits perfectly

Anonymous said:i rly appreciate sou voicing your thoughts even if they r not in essay form or refined for days. I agree with you on many things but at the same time it's not as disappointing to me bc I guess I never held them to high standards. like in the beginning I could kinda imagine that they were somewhat sincere (but still remained sceptical) but the more they got famous the more I accepted that that sincerity and authenticity would stop bc that's just the kind of business that kpop is... (♤)

Anonymous said:like it's an inherently dishonest industry. they sell an image just like everyone else, and at best(!!) they were as real as possible with us in the beginning. no doubt they wanted to be different from everyone else and it was easier as long as not that many people gave a fuck about them. but as soon as they started to this chance was over. so i guess what I'm saying is that my view didn't change and I'm not surprised, because I never really bought what they were trying to sell...(♤)

Anonymous said:I still love them, theyre likeable & adorable boys. but theyre not changing the world. they're not in the right kind of industry for that. they love their luxury expensive stuff & the glamour of it all & that's okay. I just take every concept the whip out w/ a grain of salt & a knowing smile & enjoy the entertainment. that's just my own two cents that nobody in the fandom wants to hear so I'm bothering u. & its not an analysis or anything just what is on top of my mind while watching TV lol (♤)

Anonymous said:(♤) oh ps. except for that whole controversial stuff with that misogynist jpn songwriter and supreme boy and what not. I take that seriously , I wont act as if that's just a cute quirk. but they're men so I didn't expect much lmaoo. I knew that those kind of disappointments are just part of the deal ever since I learned that jimin (a whole cutie pie and my ultimate bias) stans chris brown. definitely would kick jm in the shin for that if I ever got to meet him. at least keep it to yourself lol.

haha i wish you didn’t start this with a backhanded compliment but dkajsd yeah overall i see your point and agree... i understand like if you didn’t buy into that whole spiel, then of course you can just keep on going and stanning them as idols and all that comes with that, but many people and me included sincerely thought that they were different, i have stopped stanning kpop groups for a while and got drawn back in with bts because i felt they were so fresh and unique, genuine and open with fans in comparison to other groups i have stanned.. but ofc that image crumbled as time went on.. things have changed as well... and i agree, it’s fine to enjoy it for just the entertainment and like the boys as people, accepting they are just as any other idol.. and maybe i will continue with that perspective myself!! but i honestly find it difficult having believed in it and also bighit continually selling this image to their fans despite evidence of the contrary, i can deal with idol business but like continually being blatantly lied to and then being in a fandom where most of the rhetoric is build around blindly believing it and eating anything the boys and bighit sells? it’s honestly emotionally exhausting sometimes.. but yeah.. you’re honestly right.. even with the last point lol... they are men, and korean men at that sigh.. that’s why i’m burying myself in girl groups nowadays adkjsd to heal my soul

Anonymous said:Hope you have a wonderful day filled with only good things ❤ - the cutest person in the world

thank you so so so so much! you have a wonderful day too ♥ cutie

Anonymous said:simple question, not loaded at all, no wrong answer, the honest answer is the right answer- yaddah yaddah you get it -what do you think bangtan is lying about and what exactly are you saying overall? i just need the language simplified for my 3 braincells :) if i do get what you're saying - whether the actual members of bts are real or not, their message is. "dont let anyone tell you what to do" "live your own life and not a borrowed dream" "life is a marathon, not a race - go your own pace"etc

you can read this post as well as the tags to it to see some of the examples, i mean i have been saying lots of things so i don’t know what exactly you want me to clarify? i think their message is compromised when their actions contradict it, whether it’s their actions or bighit’s is up to debate, like i was talking about in the post though, you can’t have things both ways, can’t hail the boys as woke independent kings while propagating the idea that they are just the company’s pawns at the same time, if you accept their authenticity isn’t there then ofc it’s a different argument, and the things you have listed there may be true, but isn’t is soured knowing they are just things that are said in order to sell bangtan as a product to you? to me they are

Anonymous said:I'm not gonna disagree but I like to see all the sides of a story. Bang pd is their boss, bts made a contract with him, he will ALWAYS have the last word on, well, everything they put out. We like to think that bc bts has creative freedom they can do whatever they want, well obviously they can't. Even if bts wanted to talk more about issues and not work w bad ppl, bang pd wants them to succeed, he wants to make money bc it's his business and bts is the only thing bringing money to it.

i get this argument a lot and to that i will answer again this and this, i don’t understand what your point is exactly though, so you are saying bts are pawns that have to do as they ceo says, yes and? i am criticizing the decision he has made? i’m criticizing that what he cares about the most is money? that he will stop at nothing to widen his wealth and influence? i will not support bts cooperating with vile people just because it wasn’t -completely their decision-, i’m sorry i’m really struggling to see what your point is about the other side of the story, it’s a shitty situation and if they all go through with it, it be greatly disappointing

[literaphobe]

i was tagged by @romanticcstylez !! (legend) 

rulez: list 10 songs you’re currently obsessed with and then tag 10 people

Rough - GFRIEND (i was really into this song like a year or two ago?? but then i randomly thought hey,, i haven’t heard this song in a while so i put it back in my playlist and the rest was history im obsessed again this song makes me feel like im in a field of dandelions and its kinda snowing a lil and i should be dancing and also clocks are ticking THAT BEING SAID the actual meaning of this song title in korean is ‘running through time’ how do u get ‘rough’ from running through time?? wtf man who translated this shit but yeah rough is the official english title and did i mention that this song is about a bunch of girls yearning to tell their crush that they like them but they either keep missing their chance or get too scared BUT in the music video there are no men around?? and at the end all the girls get real happy to see one another and they’re riding bikes and shit anyway i assume its a song about a bunch of girls who are in love with girls but are too afraid to tell them bc wlw cowardice and it makes sense bc the song makes the world out to be a lot tougher and scarier than it would be for a straight couple IN CONCLUSION i like this song and therefore its gay)

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - Fall Out Boy (FUCK ANYONE WHO DOESN’T THINK THIS IS THE BEST SONG IN MANIA- im just kidding, i mean, it’s the best, but that’s a personal preference for me?? i love this song so much i want it playing always i could listen to only this song forever and i’d probably be okay with that?? like this song is a drum storm and it’s yelling at me and i LOVE it love the yelling v v good there’s also some french?? wordplay shit idk so that automatically makes it sexy it makes no sense yet is also v deep?? is it deep?? who knows. in writing this very pointless explanation as to why i like this song THE ONLY THING THAT’S EVER STOPPING ME IS ME HEY sorry i’ve listened to this song like 3 times already while slowly typing all this out and oh my god it goes so hard!!!!! it goes so fucking hard i love it i love this nice thick and hard song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it deserves a music video im so mad like its so fucking good when mania dropped FOB didn’t give me no warning they didn’t prepare me with a random mv that made no sense and gdi STAY FROSTY ROYAL MILK TEA DESERVES AN MV also im naming a fic after this song word for word hgdfjghadjf i should stop tldr this song makes me feel like i can take on the world i feel so powerful when i listen to it also i listened to it like a fourth or fifth time i think hoo boi) 

The Ballad Of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco (SAY WHAT YOU MEEEAN TELL ME IM RIIIIGHT AND LET THE SUN RAIN DOWN ON ME come ON this song is so fucking good!!!!!! its creepy how good it is it makes no sense in a way but it speaks to me so hard!!!!!! it’s like good!!!!!!!!!! like the bells?? esp in the beginning and throughout the whole song tbh also the drums and like the drum buildup to the chorus was SICK and so was brendon urie yelling in song at the top of his voice that i enjoy recreating i’ll stop here bc i can’t keep fucking making these so long)

Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! At The Disco (if it weren’t for this song i would have said that the ballad of mona lisa is my fave p!atd song but alas here lies a sick banger!!!!!! got sick lyrics that i haven’t analyzed but it got sick beats!! okay given the way i explain why i like this song it seems like i don’t even like it but i do okay!!)

All Falls Down - Alan Walker, Noah Cyrus, Digital Farm Animals (god i got some weird nostalgia shit attached to this song?? my sister first got me into it when we were on vacation in Finland and the thing is i usually don’t care too much for being abroad like places are just places and no matter how dope or wild a place is i put it into a ‘cool concept’ box and i tuck it somewhere in my mind and at the end of the day i’m glad i had some experiences but i like being at home-- BUT whenever i listen to this song i think about being in the bus in finland and it’s a long ride so it’s quiet but i’m listening to this song as i stare out the window and look at the snow dusted trees that pass me by each of them unique and beautiful and something i can’t help but anticipate;; i think about that time we were in this supermarket and i bought a ton of candy and the song came on over the speakers and me and my sister got so excited i think about how the sun set at 2 in the afternoon because we were deep into winter and i remember holding onto my dad as we drove through a crazy snow that was kinda stormy on this KTV like thing and it felt like there was no one around for miles and we went really fast,,,,, and a part of me feels like i’m there again, i’m still there, yet i’m here and i want to go back?? cold as shit but yeah i always feel Finland™ when i listen to this song so i can’t bring myself to skip it!! also its like a heck of a bop)

Earth - Sleeping At Last (what i love so much about this song is that i discovered it on accident?? i was listening to venus by the same artist at first and then earth came on and when it ended i was blown away. venus is also a good song that has a very sweet beginning but it doesn’t speak to me like this song does which i’ve heard someone say is about global warming?? which is hilarious anyway FAULT LINES TREMBLE UNDERNEATH MY GLASSHOUSE BUT I PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND LONG ENOUGH TO CALL IT COURAGE TO LIVE WITHOUT A LIFELINE I BEND THE DEFINITION OF FAITH TO EXONERATE MY BLIND EYE TILL THE SIRENS SOUND IM SAFE sorry god thats so good i love this song i was playing it one day while we were playing mahjong and the rule is if u win a round u get to play ur music on the speakers until someone else wins and my sister told me ‘do u have to play this song it sounds so depressing’ and god that just made me love this song more bc she’s right it has this Sad vibe but in a way it also goes hard?????)

The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy (this song is sadly lower on the list than it deserves to be but thats prob bc i am not as into this song as i used to be STILL it is a VERY good song with a wicked piano beat in the beginning and before frosty dropped this was my favorite song in mania and honestly i’d easily still consider last of the real ones the second best song in mania?? song is very good and i like to think that it’s objectively very good so i don’t think it’s just me who likes it!!) 

Death Of A Bachelor - Panic! At The Disco (THERES A REASON URIE NAMED THE ALBUM AFTER THIS SONG!! its bc it a good song and its just so?? raw?? just pure brandon doin his dope job, pulling those wack vocals and making me go wowza!!)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics (i wouldn’t say i’m obsESSED with this song its just i put it on my playlist and i can’t remember why but i like?? can’t skip this song it’s just good and like wow its good) 

Dragostea Din Tei - O-Zone (SHUT UP DON’T JUDGE ME)

anyway i’m so sorry for bein so extra i didnt need to be yet here i am doin a tag game after 28594940 years so here are the people who im forcing to at the very least glance at my bullshit: @chelseperetti @fourdrinkamy @linettithelezbian @distractingchildishmarriage @juliadorable @bisexualinetti @jakeperalta @beatcopjake @startofamoment @proofthatihaveaheart