#wow this. didn't actually take forever

[ednaeflowers]

[neigepomme]

˙ ✩°˖ ✈️ stay still!! / caleb x reader

synopsis; caleb would lay his head on your lap forever if he could. he's a bit more reluctant about staying still when you bring out a weapon (tweezers) to use on him though.

🍎 pomme's notes - honestly he just has really nice eyebrows. what can i say

⋆ 1k words / fluff / reader is gender neutral / 2nd person

caleb loves laying on your lap.

the first time he did was when you were still kids — he was climbing a tree at a park you two often hung out at, and after picking two apples from said tree, he promptly made his way down to you.

with the widest grin 10-year-old caleb could muster, he looks at you and beams;

"pip!! look at what i got us!!"

his eyes shone bright, crinkling at the corners upon seeing you light up and flashing him a smile with a tooth missing. when he leaned down to sit next to you, you looked up at him and patted your lap, telling him "put your head here!! a pillow after you got us apples!!" and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

in retrospect, maybe that was the first time caleb realized he liked you, not just as a close friend — but that was a thought he could ponder about another day. right now, you looked at him with the same eyes as you excitedly pat your lap. only it was fifteen years later, and you were finally dating.

as he happily strides towards you, you think that if caleb had a tail, it'd be wagging excitedly at the idea of resting on your lap. the fleet's ever-so-serious colonel caleb xia, melting away and donning a lovesick smile on his face.

he settles on the couch, legs hanging off the edge — stupidly big man acting like a tiny puppy. head finally resting on your lap, caleb speaks up with a teasing tone;

"what's up pipsqueak? missing your favorite weighted plushie on your lap?"

"mmh, i sure did. i missed my favorite doll to experiment on."

oh.

so that's why you were so eager to get him lying down on your lap. he laughs nervously, getting ready for the worst and that's when he sees it. tweezers in your dominant hand.

visibly turning more pale, he tries to get himself out of the torturous experience you're about to put him through.

"actually, i think i have something to do, gorgeous! wow, it sure is getting late and dinner isn't gonna prepare itse-"

"i already ordered takeout. don't you worry about a thing, colonel xia, nothing will come in the way of my tweezers and your brows", you interrupt him, and that's when reality sinks in for him.

caleb is done for. the last time you did his eyebrows was two years ago, when he came back home from the DAA for spring break, and he still remembers the sting of it all.

he needed to get out.

"y- you know, you really don't have to do this!! i can handle it myself!!"

"yeah, but i want to. what kind of partner would i be if i don't take care of my handsome and lovely boyfriend, who's definitely not trying to get out of this?"

he gulped, almost comically so. you caught him, and there was no way out of this one — or maybe there was. he didn't want to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

puppy eyes. caleb stared at you and tried to look as pitiful as he possibly could, praying to every deity out there that you'll have some mercy on his soul.

"come on, Y/N.. my eyebrows look fine and i don't wanna waste your time — and this hurts. i don't understand how you do it, and i could never be as strong as you. please, please, please spare me. pretty please?"

you snort and lean down, pressing an exaggerated wet kiss on his forehead, making sure to emphasize the 'mwah' sound.

"nope! loved the puppy eyes, though. you should do that more often. alright, if there are no further inquiries, i'm gonna ask you to sit tight and relax pretty boy. let's get this done."

caleb stiffens when he realizes there's no way out of this. how is it that he went through DAA training, the fleet's conditioning, but somehow, you doing his eyebrows was the end of him? he's lost in his thoughts now, thinking about happy memories, but when your tweezers make contact with his skin, he immediately flinches and starts whining.

"ow ow ow ow ow, pips! it hurts! it hurts!"

you smile and flick his forehead lightly,

"i didn't even touch you yet! you always call me dramatic but you're not any better!!"

and then you pull out a hair.

"oh my go- i can't. i can't do this, please pipsqueak, please, have some mercy on your boyfriend."

and another one.

and he yelps, keeps on wriggling and trying to get out of your grasp. he thinks that you're stupidly strong right now — and all that strength is used in order to make him suffer.

"i thought you loved me!! we grew up together!! Y/N, you're hurting the love of your life, plea- ow!!"

you're giggling now, watching your big, strong, and fearless caleb being reduced to yelps as you do his eyebrows.

he inhales sharply, trying to roll away from your hands and begging for mercy, "it hurts!! please tell me you're done with the right brow, please pips!!".

laughing even harder now, you drag him back by the shoulder to his original position on your lap, and he has his face hidden in his hands, eyes tightly shut. he's shaking his head in disagreement and fake crying.

"oh my god, sit still, you dummy! if you keep on wriggling, i'm gonna put you on a cilantro only diet for the entire week!!"

and that seems to do it. he settles down again, but not without a few whines and sniffles.

drama queen.

when you're finally done (not without some more "ow ow ow- ouch!!" and "you hate me! you hate your boyfriend!" from him), he gets up and admires your work in the mirror. he wipes a stray tear that he insists isn't a tear but rather a hair that fell in his eye, and while you beg to differ, you let him have this small win.

"light work. this was a breeze", caleb exhales. free at last he thinks. that is, until he hears you hum. and he knows you — that hum meant something bad for him.

"oh yeah? same time next week then, boyfriend."

you swear you can see the color drain from his face, and you giggle.

such a drama queen. but he's your drama queen, all yours.

🍎 pomme's final notes - this is my offering to him because i really really want farspace deprivation to come home </3 it's the only card of his that i'm missing :((

[pomegranatelifethis]

Let's try again

Being Miguel O'Hara's daughter has never been easy.

But you weren't his daughter anymore.

The Spider Society, the place you once called "home", had failed you. Your father had abandoned you. And on top of all this, you were starting to lose yourself.

Finally, Miguel dealt you the final blow.

"It was a mistake for you to be here."

And you ran away.

But no one came after him.

You were alone. You were lost. You didn't belong anywhere.

Then he came.

Wade Wilson. Deadpool.

And he kept you to himself

Taking shelter with Deadpool was one thing. Being trained by him was a completely different disaster.

"Today's first lesson: How to REALLY win a fight?"

“Strategy, agility, reflexes—”

“Wrong! If you throw the first punch, the fight starts and you win! Come on, hit me!"

Deadpool encouraged you with his arms open.

You looked at him suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yes, yes, hit me as hard as you can—"

And you punched him in the face.

Wade's head snapped to the side and he didn't move for a few seconds. Then a hoarse laugh came from under his mask.

"There's my little spider!"

So the training started.

Miguel always taught you to fight in an orderly, controlled manner. Deadpool, on the other hand, was teaching the exact opposite.

“The best way to defeat your enemy is to confuse him! Talk! Shout! Sing! Don't disturb them!"

"This is ridiculous," you muttered.

"It's ridiculous, but it works. Come on, tell me your favorite movies while we fight!"

When you tried this, you realized it actually worked.

You were fighting an enemy and suddenly you said, "You know, some people think 'Shrek 2' is better than the first one, and I think that's debatable!" When he exclaimed, you saw the man pause for a moment and then get kicked in the face.

Deadpool was clapping in the background. "My student is growing up!"

But it wasn't just about fighting.

Wade taught you to survive.

“You should be able to make your own weapons, heal your own wounds, and most importantly… trust yourself. Because no one will do this for you, understand?"

Miguel never said anything like that to you.

But Deadpool was saying it. And you knew he really meant it.

Over time, you realized that Wade was not just a mentor to you… he was truly a father figure.

You noticed this especially when you returned from a mission where you were seriously injured.

At first you tried not to show it to him. But Wade wasn't stupid.

"Okay, come on, take off your mask and show me—HEY, WHAT'S THAT BLOOD?!"

"It doesn't matter—"

"It doesn't matter?! You're losing blood, little one!"

As Deadpool paced around in a panic, you raised your hand to say, "Wade, calm down—" but he picked you up off the ground and literally carried you into the bathroom he had prepared like a hospital room.

He ate his head for an hour.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why weren't you more careful? Who put you in this state? I'm going to take out his internal organs—"

“Wade, I'm fine,” you said, but something inside you warmed up.

Because for the first time someone was really worried.

And that changed things.

You weren't just calling Deadpool Wade anymore.

He was your father.

And he started to see you as his daughter.

But the past wouldn't let you go easily.

One day, a portal opened.

And there he stood—Miguel O'Hara. Your father.

But this time, he was just a stranger to you.

Deadpool immediately stood in front of him, spreading his arms.

"Wow, look who's here! Big, grumpy spiderman! Tell me, did you get a reward for abandoning your daughter?"

Miguel's jaw tightened.

"You don't belong here, Wilson," he said coldly.

"Oh, really? Because I'm here. And this girl is my family now," Deadpool said, then turned his head to you. "Right, kid?"

For the first time, you looked fearlessly into Miguel's eyes.

"You left me," you said. "But Wade didn't."

Miguel fell silent.

And that's when he realized he had truly lost you forever.

After Miguel left, Deadpool took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Girl, this guy is a total chaos machine. He needs to be sent to therapy."

You smiled.

"My daughter?"

Deadpool suddenly panicked. "Oh, well—well, I don't know, it just came out of my mouth by accident, but if you want—I mean—"

And at that moment, you laughed heartily, perhaps for the first time in your life.

“I want to be your daughter,” you said.

Deadpool's eyes lit up.

"I'm definitely going to have this printed on a t-shirt!"

And that's when you felt like you were really home.

And the worst?

He knew he deserved it.

[rifari2037]

The idea of her being mother figure is challenged right from episode one when Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Okay, that's right! That's spot on! I don't deny that Aang makes Katara act like a child again for a while.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : Fire Nation. Sokka : We should tell him. Katara : [Yelling.] Aang! There's something you need to see. Aang : [Aang runs to them from the airball court, still playing with the hollow ball. Cheerfully.] Okay! Aang : [Happily runs up.] What is it? Katara : [Innocently holds her hands behind her back.] Uh... Just a new waterbending move I learned. Aang : Nice one! But enough practicing, [Excited as he turns around and start walking away.] we have a whole temple to see! Sokka : [Brushes the last of the snow from his head and shoulders.] You know, you can't protect him forever.

It's only the third episode, but Aang's childish attitude already makes Katara act like a mother protecting her child from reality. Katara also has to calm Aang down when he goes into avatar mode, it happens several times like it's her responsibility to do so.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : [Resumed filling the pot with more vegetables.] Watching you show off for a bunch of girls does not sound like fun. Aang : [Disappointed.] Well, neither does carrying your basket. Katara : [Annoyed.] It's not my basket. These supplies are for our trip. I told you, we have to leave Kyoshi soon.

This scene actually piss me off, like, if I were Katara I would mad too! And again, Aang's irresponsible and childish behaviour forced Katara to be responsible for doing the chores. If not her to be mature, who else? Sokka who is busy with his misogyny towards the Kyoshi warriors? Or Aang who is busy having fun with his fans?

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Aang ran away after someone blamed him for something he actually did a hundred years ago. Katara must find him in the storm, then help him dwelling with his past.

And it happens again in The Awakening. Aang runs away and triggers Katara's another trauma that forces her to grow up, which is being abandoned by the person she cares about (her father). Katara (Sokka and Toph) must find him and save him.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : [Disappointed.] Wow... there's hardly any in here. Aang : [Lashes out.] I'm sorry, okay! It's a desert cloud; I did all I could! What's anyone else doing?! [Pointing his staff at Katara.] What are you doing‌?! She returns his attack with a shocked look on her face. Katara : Trying to keep everyone together. Let's just get moving. We need to head this direction.

Katara is the only one who can keep the Gaang out of the desert. If she doesn't act mature and responsible with the Gaang, they might not survive. And what does Aang do? Get mad at her for losing Appa, while Katara is not to blame for it.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : Aang, we do understand. It's just ... Aang : Just what, Katara? What? Katara : We're trying to help! Aang : Then, when you figure out a way for me to beat the Fire Lord without taking his life, I'd love to hear it! [Walks away.] Katara : Aang, don't walk away from this. [Walks toward Aang.]

I love Katara, you know, that's why I really don't like Aang pointing angrily at Katara and blaming her every time he got emotional, when Katara didn't do something wrong and just wants to help him. Is this a healthy relationship?

Aang reminds Katara that she's just a child in the first episode, but unfortunately, the Gaang (especially Aang) once again forces Katara to be motherly in the next episodes.

Does she like being motherly? No, she doesn't. She wants to have fun too, but if she did, the Gaang would be screwed. Being motherly is not just her nature, but the Gaang (except Suki) forces her to be more mature than the others narratively.

Actually, that's why I like the idea of Momtara and Dadko. In my opinion, this nickname is not to make her forget she is just a kid. Instead, because the narrative itself always shows Katara forced to act motherly toward Gaang, 'Momtara and Dadko' shows that is not only Katara's responsibility to do all chores.

Calling Zuko Dadko is also reasonable, because he is narratively more mature among the Gaang (except Suki). He focuses on Aang's training and worries that Aang will fail, just like what father usually do to his son.

More than that, Katara doesn't need to act motherly with Zuko - he is the one bringing her things and preparing what they need in their journey contras with what Aang did in Kyoshi Island. And they act more like equal partners toward each other, rather than mother and son.

Oh, it's true that Aang makes Katara child again in first episode. But it's weird to defend Kat/ang and hate the narrative of Katara being motherly at the same time, when the Gaang (especially Aang) often forced Katara to act motherly.

[aestherin]

I CAN SEE YOU

track 06: our little secret

NOTE: update streak hello who is this 😶😧

Scaramouche woke up to an onslaught of messages, mainly coming from his manager. The man grunted as he sat up, brushing stray pieces of hair up and away from his face.

"The fuck does he want?" He mumbled.

What welcomed him was several reminders about today's meeting, a number of messages respectfully asking if he's already up and preparing to leave, and a myriad of panicked texts for him to hurry the fuck up and go as soon as possible because the artist he approved was already there.

Scaramouche frowned as he started to get ready. Before doing so, however, he sent a quick reply to his manager — the text reading, 'OTW'.

A lie, of course.

As he was brushing his teeth, his phone lit up from another notification.

ManagerWhat were you even doing up late last night that you woke up so late today?

He didn't bother to reply.

There was no way he'd admit that he was up all night beefing with his own fans and badmouthing his own name.

Due to lack of time (and energy), the man just settled on a black long-sleeved shirt for a top, and then trousers of the same color. He didn't even bother putting his lenses on, deciding to just wear his glasses instead.

He took one last glance at the time displayed on his phone and cussed, before finally closing the door of his condo unit.

---

"Sorry I'm late." Scaramouche apologized as he entered the meeting room. "I hope the meeting isn't done yet?"

"It is, actually," said his manager, obviously a little disappointed at his artist's lack of punctuality.

'No! What do you mean it's over?!' You internally screamed. The Scaramouche just arrived and now he's announcing that meeting's adjourned? This is why people say life isn't fair!

You haven't even looked at him properly yet!

You immediately looked away earlier as soon as you realized it was him who went through the door. Will you forever swear at yourself for that? Most definitely. But this is all just too much to take in!

You were just looking for Scaramouche earlier, and now he's actually here. Now he's actually here and you're hiding and shying away from him. Wow. You're starting to think you're really your self's biggest enemy.

"Oh."

"But, since you're here anyway, I think you can start talking with Miss [Name] here?" The manager suggested, making you whip your head fast towards his direction at the mention of your name.

"Miss [Name], for the specifics and details of the album, you can ask Scaramouche here. He's the singer you'd be making a cover for." He motioned towards the young man clad in full black and left.

Left. Along with the other staff.

What the heck?!

You took a deep breath before pretending to fix your things, doing the most just to avoid initiating a conversation. Damn. All the years of social training your parents made you go through just all went down the drain. Really? All it takes is a man with godly songwriting skills (and insane visuals) to make you malfunction?

You weren't raised like this!

"Hi," he breathed. "Nice to meet you, [Name]."

You paused.

Your eyes meet, and he tenses.

Only for a short while, before donning a polite smile and offering his hand.

You took it, then reflected the very smile he gave you. Scaramouche fails to notice how his grip slightly tightened, but your nerves were just too sensitive to his touch that you immediately felt it.

Thankfully, he let you go.

"Nice to meet you too, mister...?" You uttered, unsure. "Scaramouche?"

He scoffed. "Drop the mister, I think we're around the same age anyway."

Scaramouche grabbed a random chair, the one nearest, which ended up in him seating next to you. You internally thanked all the archons that the meeting room was spacious enough for the chairs not to be too close to each other.

He sat lazily, back fully rested against the leather material of the chair. He crossed one ankle over his knee, before finally resting his elbow on the edge of the desk.

"So, uhm..."

"Mhm?"

"May I ask what the album I'll be making a cover for is going to be about?"

He smirked. "I don't know."

Scaramouche's smirk stretches into a grin when he noticed how you failed to mask the bemusement on your face.

"Uh, sorry, what?"

"I haven't written it yet."

"But I was told... by your manager..."

A soft snicker escapes his lips, before he meets your eyes once more.

"Shh." His grin remains as he places a finger against his lips. "It's our little secret, alright?"

I CAN SEE YOU — scara x reader smau

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[love-takes-work]

When Steven Universe knows it is a cartoon (and what kind of cartoon it is)

They know what they did.

[Image Descriptions: GIFs from Steven Universe.]

[Image 1: Steven (from the short "Steven Reacts") leans into the camera and says in pink text: "I can't wait for the next episode! Whenever THAT is; am I right?"]

[Image 2: Spinel (from Steven Universe the Movie) winds up her arm like a spring with a huge punching glove on the end and yells in pink text: "You can't just make everything better by SINGING SOME STUPID SONG!"]

[Image 3: Amethyst (from the episode "Reformed") plops a sandwich on the counter and says in purple text: "Who wants to watch a cartoon about people crying?" Steven, eyes shining with tears, replies in pink text: "I do!"]

[Image 4: Amethyst (from the episode "Cry For Help") lies on a bed next to Steven who's sitting on the floor, and says in purple text: "It sure would be nice if things worked out the way they do in cartoons."]

[Image 5: Steven, falling down from the sky (from the episode "Steven Floats"), yells in pink text "My floating power's tied to my emotions!" He slaps his face and continues, "Aarrghh, just like all my stupid powers!"]

[Image 6: Pearl, standing unsmiling next to Amethyst as she leans on Steven's head and giggles (from the episode "Too Far"), listens to Peridot offscreen as she says in green text: "Though that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing . . . crying . . . singing while crying. . . . "]

[Image 7: Steven, in yellow pajamas (from the episode "Bismuth"), laughs and says in pink text, "Ya know, usually when I meet a new Gem, they try and kill me," and the screen switches to Bismuth, reacting as Steven continues: ". . . and it takes me forever to become friends with them."]

[Image 8: Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, fighting in the background (from the episode "The New Crystal Gems"), react to Connie in the foreground. Lapis, in blue text, says: "Steven would've had a much better speech." Peridot, in green text, replies: "I know! She didn't even cry."]

[Image 9: In a far shot including Sapphire, Ruby, Bismuth, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Spinel, and Steven (from Steven Universe the Movie), Bismuth says in gray text: "I thought you said she was just trying to kill you!" The scene switches to Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot standing together. Lapis says, in blue text: "Wow, quick turnaround!" Peridot replies, in green text, "No kidding! It took me months to stop trying to kill Steven." Bismuth adds: "I'd say it took me a day, day and a half. . . . " Lapis replies: "I'm STILL on the fence!" They all laugh.]

[Image 10: Sardonyx (from the episode "Know Your Fusion"), says in orange text: "She's not actually in this episode. Do we still have to pay her? Yes? Fair enough."]

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Okay, so vampire Eddie is a pretty standard trope at this point, but may I offer...Twilight vampire Eddie who is absolutely pissed off about his sparkly existence?

Eddie actually isn't that old, he was turned in the 80s when he was around 20. He lives with his small and not only vampire family. There's patriarch Wayne, his partner Scott who always becomes a teacher no matter where they move, Claudia Henderson and her son that have been with them ever since Scott noticed Dustin being unusually quiet in his class and soon after, Wayne kicked out his abusive father.

The problem with living with a smart man who loves educating people and a man who never received the education he deserved is - they take school really, really seriously. Whenever they move, Eddie usually has to re-join high school, it's all "just so that you have some socialization! Also we need to be able to blend in, so look around and see what's normal with young people! Also I'm pretty sure some of the stuff we know is now obsolete or disproven, so make sure to tell us!". And Eddie loves Wayne and Scott, he really does, but he had trouble blending in even when he was alive, so now? Impossible. As for gathering information, Eddie has been trying for decades to explain to Wayne that even if becoming a vampire healed the wounds from the lynching mob, it didn't do shit for his ADHD, so there. Wayne finds Eddie banging his head into a desk one day and chanting "WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-TIK-TOK?!"

So yes, Eddie hates being a forever highschooler, but it also means he can run DnD clubs everywhere he joins and he's not even lynched for it like in the 80s, so hey, progress! He gets mostly content with his existence, except that he's fucking sparkly and can't turn into a bat, so what's the point?!

But then a huge group of people moves from the close town of Hawkins, they had a really fucked up earthquake - Wayne told him all about it, he often volunteered in rescue and high risk works, and he's never seen anything like it - and their little town becomes way more crowded. There are high school freshmen just begging to be introduced to his club, Hellfire, although one of them is scary observant and Eddie is really sure that Jane knows he's a vampire.

And then there's Steve Harrington. A young man with the prettiest hair ever who joined Eddie's class, apparently he needs to repeat the last year too because if your school burns down, you can't take final exams. He's stupidly pretty, snarky, bitchy, and even though he could be partying day and night and spending the rest of his time on dates, he prefers to hang around with the freshmen. Lucas tells him one day that Steve got badly hurt when he was digging through the collapsed middle school, finding and rescuing their whole group, and well...Eddie respects that. Dustin absolutely loves Steve and maybe Eddie feels a bit jealous, but he has to admit - the guy is cool.

The problem with Steve Harrington is this - he's seen so much shit that nothing really fazes him. Eddie loves shocking people. Steve is unshockable. It becomes their little game, they get close, Eddie realizes he has an embarrassing crush, all that jazz. He tries dropping hints, he slurps his bloody lunch from a bottle that has a "THIS IS DEFINITELY TOMATO JUICE AND NOTHING ELSE". He wears a cape. He adopts a horrible Dracula accent. Nothing works. Steve always just laughs and tells him that he's weird and that's why he likes him.

Finally, Eddie has enough. They walk in the woods to get high, Eddie decides to break the ice, he scoops up Steve, does his whole dashing-through-the-woods thing, and he hopes that he can finally share his secret with Steve.

Except Steve just pats his back and says "Wow, that was cool, man! You'd be amazing at track. Great core strength too," and Eddie's head implodes.

"Okay, Steve. Don't you think there's something rotten here?" he tries.

"I mean, it's the woods. Of course there's something rotting all the time."

Eddie tries again. "You've noticed something strange, haven't you. I'm inhumanly fast and strong."

"I sure didn't expect that! You must be secretly training. I didn't know this town had a gym."

Again. "My skin is pale white and ice cold."

Steve is watching a nearby squirrel instead of looking horrified. "Yeah, not all people tan great, Robin is like that too. And I told you, man. Your circulation is shit, you need better socks and some gloves too."

"My eyes change color."

"Yeah, I know, I do envy you that you can wear those cool contact lenses. My eyes are too dry for that."

Eddie is growing desperate, he's gesturing at the trees because Steve doesn't listen. "I speak like I'm from a different time."

"80s slashers will do that to you. You basically live on those. But I gotta admit that they're pretty fun. Oh look, she's got an acorn! Clever girl!"

"Very clever. Also I never eat or drink anything."

"Hey, I'm not judging. Some people prefer one or two meals in a day instead of the whole five meal thing."

Eddie feels like howling and he isn't even a werewolf. "I. DON'T. GO. INTO. THE. SUNLIGHT."

Steve's eyes finally leave the squirrel. "Duh. We've already established you can't tan."

And Eddie's had enough. He tears off his t-shirt, marches directly into the sunlight and throws the biggest tantrum of his life. "STEVEN HARRINGTON. PAY ATTENTION. I am 20. I have been 20 for a while now. You know what I am, right? I am a vampire. So ask me the question, what do we eat? That wasn't a fucking tomato juice Steven!!!"

Steve just watches him with quiet amusement, as if he's waiting for something.

Eddie doesn't notice. His monologue is reaching its most dramatic part. "I've killed people before! I'm the world's most dangerous predator!"

Steve snorts. "I saw you trip over your own feet in the cafeteria."

"Not the point!"

"You told a waitress "you too" when she told you to enjoy your meal."

Eddie actually howls now. "THE POINT IS." He spins in the sunlight and sees the reflections of light off his skin. "I wouldn't have minded becoming a vampire, but let me tell you. Being stuck in high school forever? Sucks. Craving chips and throwing them up whenever you try them? SUCKS. And thinking you've become the legendary creature of the night when you're a glorified glitter mascot?! And you can't even fly?! DOUBLE SUCKS."

He points at his bare glittering chest. "THIS THE SKIN OF A FUCKING DISCO BALL, STEVE!"

Steve just laughs and gets up from the tree stump he was sitting on. "Thanks for sharing. I was kinda hoping you'd finally ask me out since this is the first time we've had some privacy, but this was interesting too."

Eddie's sharing mania suddenly stops. He realizes he's shirtless in the middle of the forest, and his yelling has scared off the squirrel. He promptly grabs his shirt and puts in on. "Um. You...you wanted me to ask you out? Because I totally want to do that. Yep. But I thought it would have been unfair to ask you before I told you-"

"That you're a vampire? Dude, I know."

Eddie blinks once. Then again. "Excusemewhat?"

Steve smiles at him and touches his hand. "Look. After what happened in Hawkins, I know the smell of blood. I knew it wasn't tomato juice. Also I've accompanied the kids to enough monster flicks to know."

"Oh." Eddie licks his lips and doesn't really know what to say. "Um. What...does that mean for us?"

Laughing, Steve grabs his other hand too. "Definitely two things. One - you can and should kiss me. Two - you can stop wearing that cape. I got your point."

"Oh okay. Cool. Will do. Both."

And since Eddie Munson is a vampire of his word, he does.

(Wayne is absolutely delighted that Eddie is dating, he watches sports with Steve and discusses the pros and cons of Steve becoming a paramedic. Scott helps Steve with some of the subjects he's struggling with. In return, Steve works with Robin to find a makeup brand that is fully sparkleproof, giving the vampires a chance to walk in the sunlight again. And sometimes, he helps them answer the questions that have been plaguing the Munson-Clarke-Henderson household for years...such as: what is TikTok?)

(oh and also. Turns out Steve really thought Eddie was wearing creepy contact lenses. That one aspect of vampyrism he found very cool)

[rekino2114]

Giving the paldea girls a plushie of their ace pokemon

A/n:my first pokemon post and I decided to do that with my personal favorite group of girls

Nemona

Nemona is always in a good mood whenever she's around you so imagine how she reacted when you randomly handed her an adorable plushie of the starter she chose

Her eyes starts sparkling and she loudly gasps before hugging you so tightly that you almost can't breathe and peppering your face in kisses while constantly saying thank you

She constantly shows it off to everyone in the friend group much to everyone else's annoyance, arven has to remind her that this is the third time she brought up the plushie.....today

She definitely asks you if you can make a plushie of your own starter so you can pretend to make them battle like children do with action figures.......she knows you could just use the actual pokemons but she doesn't care

"......wait...what?......OH MY GOD! THAT'S THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER! thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, do you think you could make one of your starter too? You know so we can make them battle"

Penny

One day she walked in her dorm just to see plushies of all of her eevelutions slumped on her bed, she sighed and immediately knew it was you

Even if she might not look super thrilled to have them, not really having too much of a reaction, she actually really loves them

Sometimes she sleeps while hugging one of them or just being surrounded by every single one, whenever you're not available to cuddle (or she's just too embarrassed to ask) she grabs one of them and hugs it since they're really soft and fluffy (plus they smell like you)

Whenever you have to go away for a long time for whatever reason she gives you the plushie of your favorite eevelution so you can remember her by

"Those plushies in my bed.....I knew that was you.....*blushes* n-no I like them they're really cute and fluffy.....just thank you for taking the time to make something like this for me"

Iono

Iono's brain short-circuits the moment you showed her a giant bellibolt plushie, and then when you told her it was for her, she completely stopped thinking and just started hugging you and thanking you, spending basically the rest of the day like this

She takes so many pictures of it, her phone gallery is full of dozens of photos of the plushie in all different angles for absolutely no reason other than "I like it so much I wanna look at it even when it's not near me" she especially loves the pictures of you of her hugging or standing on the plushie

Speaking of, she loves just taking naps on it. It's big enough to sleep on, and she sometimes drags you there to nap together, even if it's not big enough for two people so you often have to just drag her to bed instead

She always shows it off on her streams and loves it when her viewers ask about it or say how cute it looks, it's more excuses to talk about you after all

"Oh yeah, that bellibolt plushie is new! It's something my amazing wonderful and super beautiful partner gave me, ahh y/n just is the absolute best"

Rika

She smirks the moment she sees you handing her a life-sized clodsire plushie. She takes it and looks at it before looking back at you and just starting to make out

It's a plushie of her favorite pokemon made by her favorite person on the planet she absolutely adores it and will treasure it forever

The first thing she did was show it off to the rest of the elite four whenever they met up again, Larry didn't care at all, Hassel just told her how good you were for each other but poppy absolutely loved it and asked rika if she could play with it, which she happily gave it to her

Sometimes she just puts it on top of her head like a hat for no reason, you don't know why she does it but she looks cute with it

"Wow, that's super cute, it's for me? Seriously? Thanks so much cutie, you know I said it was really cute but now that I think about it it comes nowhere close to its creator"

Dendra

At first she can't believe that you made a plushie of hariyama just for her, but when you confirmed it she couldn't hold her excitement in and tacked you to the ground with a hug

Whenever she showed it to tulip, her friend wanted to give the plushie a makeover for some reason, but dendra didn't let her since you made it, and it would have been disrespectful to her love

One time she decided to show it to her class, mostly to tell them how amazing you were, and her students asked her if they could pet it and play with it, which she reluctantly obligated to, she still made sure they wouldn't mess it up in any way though

One time you found her exhausted sleeping on the couch while hugging the plushie and you thought it was adorable so you took a picture of it (she blushed a lot when you showed it to her)

"An hariyama plushie.....j-just for me?...you made it! Like with your hands?...o-oh my God thank you so much, it looks even more beautiful now that I know you made it"

[bunnipuffs]

nerd abby & mean reader … stay with me now

i'm staying with you ... completely with you forever actually ... thank you so much for your service this is absolutely toe curling (,,>﹏<,,) enjoy guys :3 <333 i love u everyone i hope you're all having a good day/night & stay safe !!!!!

this is a top/sub! abby x bottom/dom! reader ... not for everyone but i personally think it's so sexy ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

꒰ cw. mean! reader, spitting, fingering ꒱

⋆˙⟡ nerd! abby is used to your constant belittling. after being your classmate for years now, she’s almost become okay with being the target for all your anger. after all, you know something the others don’t.

nerd! abby's first few years of academics were endless days of unjustified bullying and teasing from the rest of her peers. she had grown accustomed to people making fun of her, building immunity to the various remarks they'd whisper to each other as she walked down the hall. "wow, weird outfit, huh?" "doesn't she know contacts exist now?" it's not like she did anything wrong, or bad, she was just... nerdy. big glasses and freckles on her cheeks, hair always tied into a neat braid. it didn't help her case much either when her build was completely different from the rest of the girls in her year. she was bigger, stronger. she had more muscle than the average girl.

of course — the harassment died down after another few years. when you don't pay attention to someone throwing a milk carton at your head and calling you a "freak," they lose interest quickly. her classmates eventually found another unfortunate soul to pick on for their entertainment, leaving her to be forgotten. abby's best case scenario.

but there was one certain person that never left her alone. nagged her for the entire time she's been there. you, who's much smaller, popular with everyone and classified as the basic outgoing pretty girl. you were there when everyone else was picking on her relentlessly, the only difference being that you stayed. persisted, finding joy in making her life miserable. you forced her to write your essays, give you the answers for the weekly homework your professor assigned. if she didn't...

you threatened to show everyone how depraved she truly was.

abby anderson. the quiet nerd who was at the top of every subject, spent her summers doing volunteer work with various animals and found excitement in biology and all things science that were nonetheless extremely difficult and boring to others who weren't her. yes, abby anderson, who lets you pick on her because she'd rather be seen as a nerd than a slut. abby anderson who cums in her pants while she eats you out, dripping all over herself when you call her a stupid mutt. who likes when you stare at her while she's in between your legs, hearing the obscene sound of her slurping and moaning into your cunt while you record her from above.

you like telling abby that you're going to post it everywhere. something inside of you is filled with a sick sense of satisfaction when you see the look on her face, the fear. it turns you on a little bit, knowing you have this much power over her. it's your secret. you're the only one who's allowed to mess with her like this, so you keep a password on your photo album dedicated to your time with abby. of course, you'd never post it. these belong to you. hundreds of pictures and videos of her knelt down in front of you, the dumb look on her face when she gets off just from making you cum.

that's why she takes your cruel words. why you haven't moved on from bullying her. unbeknownst to everyone in your class, they think you pick on her because it's still fun — not because your guilty pleasure is watching her, her twitches and squirms when you make fun of her as she grips and sucks on your nipples like she's dying of thirst. it's not like you'd ever admit to abby that you like it either, even though it always seems to be you that's shoving her into an empty classroom, pressing her against a shelf and kissing her so hard you're both out of breath by the end of it.

so, when abby walks by you and your friends, it's not long before you're walking up to her. you look up at her as she adjusts the frames on her face, a small hint of pink on both her freckled cheeks.

"anderson, you finished my work yet? it's due tomorrow."

abby gulps, looking at everything but you before answering. no, she has not, she was completely swamped with her own work. finals were coming up and she had a million things to study for, alongside her countless essays piling up. she completely forgot about your pile of work and only remembered as soon as she saw a glimpse of you in the morning, her stomach turning.

"uh, not yet.. i'm sorry." abby isn't looking at you, and you find it a little cute that she's so scared of you.

"are you fucking serious? you're good for one thing, can't even do it." you spat, scoffing as you turn away from her. she flinches when you turn back around to face her, your eyes tell her that she's completely in for it later. you stare up at her for a few seconds, just to watch her nervously bite at her lip, before you stand on the tip of your toes, leaning into her ear, "guess you know what that means right?"

it's not long before the both of you are situated in yet another empty classroom. most of the students and professors are gone, leaving you two in the quietness of the building. you're sat on one of the desks with your skirt pulled up, abby standing in between you once again.

"hmm, too bad you didn't do what you were told. might've been nicer to you if you had." you pout at her, watching as her eyes shift from your glistening pussy to your face. it's obvious she wants it as bad as you do, she's aching for it. her hands are at her sides, balled into fists — you giggle in her face, moving one of your hands to her jaw and bringing her face close. not too close that you're breathing each other's air, but close enough that you can see all the dots across her face properly. you take in her expression before collecting a glob of spit in your mouth, spitting on her face. she flinches when it hits, your saliva splattering across her mouth and to the tip of her nose.

"lick it." you smile, abby's tongue poking out of her mouth immediately. she runs it over where she can reach, tasting you on her tongue.

"wow..." you laugh, "you actually listened. not surprised though, a slut like you would do that and more." you push at her leg with your shoe, watching as abby pulls away from you. you take one of her hands and place it on your inner thigh, slowly trailing it towards your waiting heat. she whimpers a little when she feels how wet you are, slick covering the tips of her fingers. "i want you to fuck me, hard, make me come," your words take up the quiet room, the sound of abby's breaths with it. "if you don't.. i'll make sure everyone knows what you really like doing." abby feels her stomach warm.

abby runs her fingers along your slit, rubbing it up and down and spreading your wetness across your pussy. your breath hitches when her fingers brush over your clit, teasing, running it in slow circles while the other rubs at your entrance. she looks at you before pushing a finger into your cunt, watching as your thighs twitch in response. abby's fingers are thick, a stretch that takes a little getting used to, but she thrusts it in and out at a steady pace — small moans spilling from your lips. you smile watching abby so focused on your pussy, her eyes completely glued on the way her fingers slide in and out so easily. "i said hard, anderson. can't do what i asked, can't fuck me properly either. you're useless."

a whimper leaves her lips at your degrading words. she feels absolutely humiliated, and yet, she's ruining her underwear with how wet she's getting. you raise a brow at the sound she makes, "you're really fucking weird, you know that? getting turned on like some s-shit, ah, freak.." abby pushes in another finger, your breath shaky at the new stretch. she's thrusting in even faster, pulling gasps and moans out of you. she moves closer to you, her lips practically touching yours. you feel yourself clamping down on her fingers when you see her observing you so intently, her eyes flickering from your lips and back up to your eyes. "hah... what? you look like you're enjoying this a little too much for someone, ah.. fuck, who isn't getting any.."

"you like this too, don't you?" you can barely hear abby's voice as she curls her fingers, hitting that sweet spot inside of you with precision. you gasp when you feel it, her fingers continuously abusing that spongy spot. your hands grip at her shoulders tightly, fingernails digging into her clothes as she finger fucks you at an even faster pace than before. you can both hear the plap! plap! plap! of her fingers against your cunt, digging deeper and deeper inside of you. "fuck, ah, who would have thought? fuckin' nerd like you.. you're talking back now?"

you're nearing your climax when abby uses her free hand to rub at your clit, the sudden sensitivity mixing in with the pleasure inside of you. it feels like you're gushing everywhere, on abby's fingers, the desk, dripping onto the floor. you buck your hips as she continues rubbing at it while she fucks you, not slow and steady anymore, fast, rough — exactly what you had asked for. abby doesn't let up. "admit it, say it.. tell me you like this as much as i do." your pussy throbs at the sound of her desperate voice, the pit of your stomach boiling up.

"fuck you, i don't... ah, abby.."

abby smiles hearing her name come from your mouth, sweet and airy. anderson this, anderson that. you've never said her first name. and that's all she needs to know that you do want this as much as she does, pulling her fingers out all the way before thrusting it in harshly into your dripping cunt. fireworks explode behind your eyelids when she presses against that spot again, a scream ripping from your throat. you're twitching violently, thighs vibrating against the desk you sat on. abby fucks you through your orgasm, returning to the gentleness she held initially. your head falls onto abby's shoulder, your breaths heavy. you pull away from her after catching your breath, you glare.

"i don't wanna see your stupid... face for a while, you hear me?"

abby nods with a grin, bringing her slick covered fingers up to her mouth and licking it clean.

yeah, it's a mutual benefit.

[chronicdelusionistsart]

Bernard Dowd and the Art of Recontextualization

I'm what you might call a "fake Batman fan" - that is, I've only watched most of the Batman animated series', all of the live action movies, most of the animated ones, played some of the video games... so, you know, probably thousands of hours of my life in Batman related media. But not the comics! Fake fan!

Frankly, I find the comics medium the way DC and Marvel do it to be really hard to follow. There's the fact that you can't really follow an individual solo character without them getting caught up in massive crossover events that ruin their arc and pacing, there's the soap-opera-iness that encourages cheap and revolving conflicts inherent to the longform monthly release schedule, the writer roulette, and there's also just that going back to try and thread a particular continuity or character is an exercise in frustration. Oh and the retcons. Everyone hates those. They've (basically) never been good. Don't remember this part it will never come up aga

But, you know, despite this - or maybe because of this - comics is a breeding ground for ideas. Because of the quick turnaround and the demand for novel conflicts, comics just churn out idea after idea. Good ideas, bad ideas, doesn't matter. Get it to print. Retcon it later if we write ourselves into a corner. Comics are often soooooo first draft coded. This is why I personally prefer adaptations - they often reimagine ideas and retcon them into new narratives where they can serve a more coherent plot. But what happens when a character is picked up for a second draft ... without actually contradicting the earlier material? While enriching the earlier material, even?

(SPOILERS for Tim Drake: Robin and uh... 20 year old comics under the cut!)

So, uh, quick disclaimer - because I have very little overall knowledge of DC's Comics continuity, there may be more interesting examples of times that what I'm going to point out was done. But I love Bernard and from a writer's POV I'm impressed with the way they did it so we're talking about Bernard lmao

The Beginning (Robin 1993) - Reading comics from the 2000s hurts in a way I can't describe

Okay so I heard Tim Drake is dating a guy now? (Penny Sonic voice) Whoa he's bisexual I didn't know that! I'm sure people on the internet are being very normal about this. Cool let's find out more about his new bf. I like starting from the beginning... so like yeah hold on while I crack open the Robin comic and take down what this guy's deal is.

😬

So basically the TL;DR of Bernard in his original appearances is that he seems to be an attempt to introduce some normal stakes teen drama into Tim's life. He has all the Funny Guy Friend Classics - he's got an inflated sense of his proficiency at pulling girls, he's inexplicably drawn towards the protagonist (who is cooler than him), he wants to date the most popular girl in school, and he wants to get down with older women!

This might just be me but while I was going through this I thought like, he almost reads a little uncanny, like he's been filtered through a Disney Teen Special. In practice he mostly serves to introduce Tim to the Real Plot, Darla Aquista, and be one of his ties to civilian life, which is, like, fine. He's ultimately just a background character and he's so unimportant that he only has one appearance after their school gets shot up(!!!), which is, again, to be more of an accessory to the Darla plot.

After this display of "wow this guy's kind of lowkey insane for offering to his resurrected bestie supervillainess to be her manager actually", he's dropped forever. Comics! We're not gonna unpack that.

The Sequel (Batman: Urban Legends) - We're Gonna Unpack That

Until almost two decades later when he calls Tim up for a date. And while I'm trying to skim over a lot to get to the point here and I don't really know the FULL context, it is notable that Tim is in the middle of an identity crisis / the cusp of adulthood when this happens (I think he just lost a spleen or something. That sucks dude). It's pretty implicit that part of the reason he's going to see Bernard is because he's someone familiar in a time when he's facing a lot of new and scary stuff.

And at first blush, he really does seem like the same dude. The familiar arm over the shoulder, the banter, it's all very casual and similar to the ribbing from high school -

- and I guess nothing has happened to Bernard in the interim haha he's just the funny friend guy right?

I really like the way they did this. I'm just unambiguously going to praise how good this is if you just came off the 2000s stuff. Comics have kind of breakneck pacing by nature but they really manage to condense down and then pull off a neat sleight of hand over the course of like four pages here. They re-establish Bernard as a silly guy and then wham you with the fact that yeah actually we ARE gonna unpack that. Fuck you Tim Drake life is ever changing and nothing stays the same

So the TL;DR on the rest of the Urban Legends storyline is that stuff like, HAPPENED to this guy while our focus was elsewhere. He learned martial arts, presumably so that he wouldn't be so helpless in the next school shooting level event, he got into a pain cult, he's just Not Doing Well. We find out, reading between the lines, that calling Tim on a date was probably one of his last attempts to reach out to someone when the cult stuff was getting really bad.

I've heard people complain that Bernard is uninteresting or not a character or entirely focused on his relationship with Tim, and I think that criticism is really weird considering that his entire re-debut focuses on the point that he's been having his own life and making his own (often wild) decisions - ones that really changed the course of his life - while Tim was gone. And it's also notable that this story is about how the fact that he's his own person and has changed and has made the nerve-wracking decision to take action and call Tim inspires Tim himself to take a leap and fling himself into the uncertain waters of young adulthood.

Me when I have my bi awakening and call to get out of a rut simultaneously because Cute Insane Guy Inspired Me. iconic

So that's how Bernard has changed. But that's not recontextualization, that's just the writers taking a guy and making him do another, cooler thing. Well hold the fuck on because we're not goddamn done.

What did he mean by th-

The Recontextualizerrrrr (Tim Drake: Robin) - Bernard is the funniest person in Gotham City. I'll not be taking constructive criticism on this

Tim Drake: Robin is the followup to the Urban Legends story and Tim is the main character fr. Obviously. but Bernard is also a major character. Later, he even gets to be a POV character. But they don't do that for several issues, instead treating us to his shenanigans from Tim's point of view as he solves a bizarre serial murder case and like, they're cute! And neither of them are normal in the slightest. I love that for them.

Again, TL;DR, there are a lot of interactions where Bernard talks to Tim both in and out of costume, but we don't get to see his POV until they go out to a restaurant and meet Bernard's parents there by accident and Tim has to run off to do Robin stuff. And like... a lot of stuff happens in this one bois. Whammy after whammy

We're suddenly introduced explicitly to a lot that was only implied or just completely unavailable before. Bernard's parents are ragingly homophobic. Probably were never great even before that. He suffers from depression. All that is a lot to. wait. hold on a second

he knows?????

HE KNOWS????

Okay so if you stop at this point and reread the entire run so far you find out that Bernard is in fact the biggest troll in the entire universe. This is the moment that cemented him as my favourite, by the way. Like I had a feeling that he knew and I was just laughing my ass off when my suspicions were confirmed.

But this is really interesting on top of that because Bernard has been revealed to be, at this point, a guy who you should look deeper than the surface to understand. Someone who masks his true self and whose true motivations you can only uncover if you're really looking past the facade. Even with Tim, he sort of offers Tim and Robin half the story each, taking advantage of Robin's "distance" to give out information he wants Tim to think about but that he's reluctant to talk about frankly while at the same time almost daring Tim to open up about his identity.

Absolutely most normal way to tell your bf about your cult trauma. You'll always be famous to me Bernard Dowd

This is a really neat trick by the writers. It makes Bernard a multifaceted character who got to quietly develop while we were mostly focused on Tim, and there's some clever clever foreshadowing they set up in this run to achieve this. If it were just this, I would call it good writing.

But it actually goes one level deeper than that and becomes something really really special. because as we all know, Bernard was not conceived to be this way, he was a one-off guy who was kind of annoying and he was essentially retconned to be, like. Gay? Have depth? Be funny? All of those things?

The Seamless Retcon (Robin 1993 Again) - We took your guy and we gave him gay subtext and it worked astoundingly well

This is not a new observation btw, I've seen a ton of posts to this effect. But oh my god. Some of these panels really hit different with the new Bernard lore. Like holy fuck just read this back to back

There are tons of moments like this. There's SO MUCH that the revelation that Bernard is queer adds to his initially extremely underwhelming tenure in the Robin comics. A reread almost begs the question of what Bernard must have been thinking at any given moment! BRO YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO FUCK HIS STEPMOM. That's completely believable as a next-level closeting move and goes from kind of annoying to turbofunny.

Like yeah of course he's acting like a douche. His father is a status-chasing asshole and he's five racks deep in the closet. Of course he gravitates towards Tim - his gaydar is pinging and he thinks Tim is cute. And it's also pinging that Tim is like. You know

None of this would hit as hard if the writers had not set up Bernard as someone who masks so much. They worked it in that character trait to mean that you could always glean information deeper than the surface from his top level interactions.

Because of this, Bernard is really fucking interesting and he's a good character and he's one that gets better on reread. Like I said, that's a set of observations that are not new to me. But something that really gets to me is how seamless and intentional it is. It really feels like the writer sat down and took their time devising a guy that is believable as that other guy, but only if you read back with certain context.

The conclusion - Comics. Man.

So is this just about how Bernard is really fucking interesting and he's a good character and he's one that gets better on reread and that he can exist independent of Tim and all the haters are wrong. Yeah of course. 💖

But also like, I have thoroughly proven to myself that I was kinda wrong to just reject the published comics medium out of hand. I see now that there's room for the writer's roulette to hit the jackpot and that something I mistook as an outright flaw, the winding and unfocused and often improvised nature of it, can be ridden like a wave if you're skilled enough to do it. Meghan Fitzmarten is a goddamned genius.

I guess I have to read comics now. Fuck

[bloxpen]

Yo dawg, is it chill if I request a Survior!reader x shedletsky (forsaken) thingy? Can either be headcanons or a short story(ANGST if possible)

Reader tends to keep to themselves and sometimes lashes out. They also sometimes finds Shedletsky annoying.

sure thing! thanks for the request B) hope you like! i'm so rusty, this is the first thing i've written in forever, LOL.

forsaken!shedletsky x reader (who keeps to themself & find him kinda annoying) headcanons

note: reader is written to be gender neutral/of unspecified gender

content warnings: n/a, i think, but brief mention of reader lashing out at him that's sorted out pretty quickly

i think his immediate reaction to a somewhat introverted reader is "you know, i think they just need to meet the right person to help them get out of their shell!"

you are absolutely no exception. he takes your irritation as a challenge, almost

especially considering the circumstance, he sees it to be his responsibility to try to "help" you. because he's convinced that you have a problem (struggles to understand that you're just not inclined to be social), and worries about how it affects not just you, but the survivor team as a whole

in the downtime between rounds, at the cabin, he goes out of his way to seek you out wherever you are

trying to sit by yourself in the corner? well, shedletsky's here now!

oh, trying to sit outside by yourself? wow, what a surprise, shedletsky just so happened to be checking out behind the cabin by total coincidence! (/sarcasm)

he's kind of convinced you don't actually find him annoying, more so you're putting up a front to try to push him away

after a particularly bad round, you try to find some time for yourself to just sit and think out behind the cabin, lamely picking at the grass and pulling it out of the ground

and — like a dog, almost — he comes and seeks you out

he opens his mouth to make a stupid quip (because he always does, because he's shedletsky, and he always has to lighten the mood and can't just let things be)

but you beat him to the punch

you snip at him and tell him, straight to his face, that sometimes you think he's the most annoying man to have ever walked robloxia

okay. wow. ouch

he instantly recoils and just kind of stares at you. you can practically see the cogs turning in his head

his ego immediately clashes with his concern, and for once he's not really sure what to say, so he just kind of.. stares at you. quietly

you've snapped at him before, sure, but never like that. never so viscerally

his shock kind of startles you out if your fit of irritation. you immediately go to apologize; that you just aren't doing well, and you didn't mean to lash at him like that

but before you can say anything he walks closer, and takes a seat on the ground next to you

"so i'm a bit much sometimes?" he asks, a note of concern to his voice, looking up at the stars.

you give a small nod.

and shedletsky just nods in kind. "y'know, i guess i can try to tone it down a bit." he looks at you from the corner of his eye, a smile finding its way onto his face. "if it's you, i mean."

[legendofmorons]

Written in the stars (forever on loop) chapter one - we're not in Kansas anymore

Pairing: eventual poly! Chain x reader, platonic Wind & Reader

Rating: T (cursing)

Summary: You find yourself in a strange world with a familiar set of men that have some ridiculous names. You are left wondering why they are all so... straight towards you. Between a strange dream and the chain's own angst, there's a lot happening.

Warnings: cursing,

Other: I'm so excited to get this story rolling! If I missed anything, please let me know.

Series masterpost | next chapter

You come to awareness while a man hovers over you, which is pretty concerning since you were locking your front door.

Everything in your head feels weird, like it's coated in cotton candy.

You blinked, and then you were sprawled on the ground with a man hovering over you!

The man has dirty blond hair and a kind face.

He has pointed ears?!

Why does he have pointy ears?

They don't look clipped they look like natural elf ears.

You yelp, scrambling back in a horrible crab walk.

"What the fuck?!" You demand breathlessly.

Your heart is beating in your ears as you try to make sense of things. Your mind keeps focusing on the pointy ears.

"Easy, it's okay. You're safe." The man says, hands up so you can see he's not a threat. (His voice strains a little, but you don't really latch onto it.)

The gesture with his hands held up would work better if you knew where you were, and he didn't have a sword strapped to his back.

"Who are you?" You ask, hand landing on a small rock.

You grip the rock, deciding it can be a weapon if you need it to be. Hopefully.

"I'm Sky." The man introduces with a soft tone.

You stare at him, breathing slowly as you try to calm down. Finally, you ask, "Where am I?"

He gives a sympathetic smile. "We're not sure. You fell out of a portal not too long after we did."

"We?"

Sky gestures to the right.

You look, finding eight more males all looking armed to at least the waist if not the teeth.

"I'm dreaming." You decide out loud.

Sky chuckles, "I don't think you are."

"I really hope I am. Otherwise, I'm in trouble." You groan.

"Well, either way, how about we get some foo in you? Wild made some stew."

You sigh, letting go of the rock and getting to your feet. You brush yourself off as well.

"Thank you." You say.

He nods, "Of course. Come on, let's go introduce you to the others."

Sky leads you to the group he motioned to earlier. He moves with an earned confidence that seems out of place without a suit of armor, but that's not important.

You immediately feel uneasy.

It's not anything the group does it's just the fact that there are eight of them. (Nine including Sky.) They are all pretty well armed. There is one if you and you are- not well armed.

You are in a graphic t-shirt, and the closest thing to a weapon you have is your fists.

They all look a little familiar, but that isn't too important. Not now.

The youngest is actually kind of cute in a pirate gremlin kid way. Wavy blond hair and a blue shit (tunic?) And if course pointy ears.

You take in the rest of the group, noticing that they are all blond exceptions for one, and two of them have face markings. (Possibly face tattoos?)

Two have obvious armor and. A few more seem to have on chain mail.

Wow, okay.

Who needs chain mail in this day and age?

"Hey, good to see you awake!" The youngest grins at you.

"Thanks?" You manage.

He almost makes you think of Wind Waker Link.

Wait!

They all look like different Links!

Are you in Hyrule?!

Also, what are they all doing together?

What is going on?

"I made stew if you want some." Says the one that looks like Breath of the Wild Link. He isn't looking at you, actively staring into a pot instead.

You fix a polite smile in place. "Thank you."

"Are you okay? You fell out of the sky." The brown haired man that might be from the first two Zelda titles asks. He looks at you like you have two heads, but if you really fell from the sky... that makes sense. (Right?)

"I what?!" You gasp.

How could you fall out of the sky?

"Do you have a concussion?" Asks the man with the scarf cape thing. He looks at you with pinched brows.

"I hope not?"

Sky pats your shoulder. "I'm sure you're okay. The first portal is the most disorienting."

Someone hands you a bowl of stew.

"Thank you."

"Of course. I feel like you're probably stuck with us for a little bit since you fell through a portal." The most heavily armored says.

Is that... the Hero's Shade?

This is officially either some weird dream, a hallucination, or you are the least favorite of some deity somewhere.

"Well... Nice to meet you?" You say weakly before you introduce yourself.

At the sound of your name, the entire group goes still for a moment. Well, all of them but Wind, who smiles.

They look pained for a second, but they recover quickly. Though the one with a blue hat and no pants looks annoyed at everything.

"I'm Wind." The youngest offers first with a smile.

The shortest looks over next. "I'm Four."

"I'm Twilight." Says the man in the pelt.

The man with the scarf gives a charming and pained smile. "I'm Warriors."

"I'm Hyrule." The man with the brown hair says, looking away from you.

These are the most bizarre names you've heard in a while. Who names their kid Four? Or Warriors?

That just seems cruel.

"I'm Time." The tallest says, his gaze weighty as it lingers on your face.

"I'm Wild." The man with long hair says. He still won't look at you.

The last one, the man with the blue hat, sighs heavily, "Legend."

"Nice to meet you all?" You offer.

Silently, you promise yourself that if you're ever responsible for naming a child you won't stick them with a number or a job title as a name.

Sky smiles at you weakly. "You weren't prepared for an adventure were you?"

"No." You say.

Not prepared is a kind way to put it.

You just count yourself lucky you aren't in pajamas right now.

This is going to be a long day.

-------

Legend is ready to scream. He doesn't care if it's rational either. He deserves to be able to scream after literally everything he's gone through.

First of all, they watch someone fall out of a portal in the sky. Great. Perfect even.

Then, the person happens to look uncannily like the love of his life that died soon after his many adventures. (Soon after an argument where he had been so snappish with them.)

That's just his luck. Par for the course even.

But then, of course, you sound like the lost love.

You have the same name.

This is either a cruel trick or an uncanny coincidence.

Legend hopes it's the second one.

Knowing his luck, though, it's the first. This is almost certainly some cruel trick, because Hylia is a bitch.

He watches you the whole day, from his spot by the impromptu fire. They set up camp after meeting you to try to get you settled into the group.

You are... woefully unprepared.

He feels a little pity for you, everything else aside. He remembers the way that starting with nothing feels.

He remembers how disorienting it can be to get thrown to the deep end of adventure.

You sit by Sky, seemingly a little more comfortable with the man.

The chilly air has earned you one of Wild's extra cloaks, which had been a fight on it's own. You had to be talked into even accepting the damn thing.

It was a strange interaction since Wild wouldn't look at you.

Legend watches you, the way you try to make sense of things. It's familiar.

He looks away, turning instead to look at Warriors who's trying to get Wild and Wind to come down from the trees.

"What of your Hyrule?" Sky asks.

You frown, your voice drawing Legend's eyes.

"I'm not from Hyrule." You say, sounding like the notion is absurd.

Sky nods thoughtfully. "You must be from somewhere else, like me. Where are you from?"

You tell them, naming a place they've never heard of.

Legend dosen’t know where that is... but it sounds nice in your achingly familiar voice.

He's tempted to pretend that you are the reincarnation of his lover. He really is.

He won't, though. That's unfair to you and his lost lover both.

He can't help the glare he sends you. It isn't your fault, but the pain makes him want to glare.

Legend watches you in stilted moments. Wondering how you can so closely resemble his lost love and yet not be them?

If you were... If you were his lover, you would be here at his side, telling him sweet nothings instead of allowing stilted converstions with Sky and Wind.

Legend is sure this is a punishment.

What he wouldn't give to speak to his lover one last time. (To make up that argument to them. To hold them-)

He turns his gaze to Hyrule beside him, who is also watching you with knit brows and thin lips.

"Hyrule?" Legend asks.

Hyrule turns his eyes to his predecessor, gaze glassy with unshed tears. "They look just like my lover... Legend... You see it, right?"

The knowledge of a lover that reincarnates with every cycle of the triforce is taught to children. The part that isn't taught is that the lover never lives long enough.

Every hero is the same soul reincarnated. Every version of the lover is lost too soon.

Legend knows Wind hasn't lost his version of the lover because he isn't looking at you the way the others do.

"I see it." Legend says weakly.

Hyrule swallows. "When does it stop hurting?"

"Never." The veteran manages. "We never stop missing them."

"They look the same every time..."

"I know."

Hyrule takes a shaky breath. "Wind dosen’t know what he's in for... does he?"

Legend shakes his head. "No."

"Should... we tell him?"

"No. That will just ruin the time he has left with them.

Hyrule nods. "Okay."

Legend takes a slow breath. For all that the heroes share the same soul, they feel more like brothers to each other than copies of a person.

There are similarities.

To see any of his brothers hurt is a shot to Legend's heart.

To see Hyrule, his direct successor, hurt? It's cruel.

Hyrule gives a wet, shaking laugh as he leans against Legend. "I miss them, Legend. I miss them every day."

"I know... I miss them too."

Hyrule sighs softly. "I see them in my dreams."

"Me too."

"They'd be telling us we shouldn't live our lives missing them."

"Easier said, then done."

"Tell me about it."

Legend wraps an arm about Hyrule's shoulders. He pulls the traveler closer, silent in his comforting of the other.

Hyrule just leans into it.

They close their eyes, trying to focus on the evening air instead of you.

-------

You settle into the older bedroll you were given after convincing Wild to keep his new one and let you use the old one instead of the other way around. Your mind is loud and busy at the moment.

You are decidedly in Hyrule. You are in the world of the Legend of Zelda.

This is absolutely insane.

You would think this is all some weird dream, but it feels entirely too real.real.

The others have all gone to he'd except for Time, the oldest being on watch first tonight.

You lay near Sky for tonight, the least intimidated by him simply by virtue of having talked to him the most so far.

Sky has his back to you, curling up into a ball.

Time is by the fire, scanning over the group every so often.

You can see Wind sprawled across Wild and Twilight. It's a little funny. The sailor has a blanket thrown across him.

The fire crackles gently. A beacon to draw your attention over and over.

You can't make sense of any of this.

Meeting the character of a whole franchise you've always loved is... rather surreal.

You would even go so far as to say it's a dream come true? Maybe?

It's something you doubt you can ever forget at the very least.

Life will certainly never be the same.

You close your eyes with the intention to sleep.

-------

You're ready to scream. This is the fifth time Link has run off because of some hero bullshit without even saying bye.

You aren't mad he's doing his (unfair) job. You're mad he never lets you know!

The problem is that you never know when he will leave. You don't know if he's out to visit someone or if you should be waiting for him to return in a box.

Living like this is exhausting.

All you want is for him to do better about telling you. He could leave a note, and that would be enough!

Nights full of pacing and worry leave a lot to be desired.

You glance to the table, spotting the red carnations and sighing. The flowers you were given last week are wilting.

Link is still gone. It's been a week, and you haven't heard anything.

The door opens, and you turn, eyes landing on Link. His red tunic has certainly seen better days.

He looks- rough. Bruises, scrapes, dirt, mud, and who knows what else scatter across him.

For a moment, there is only relief.

"Link!" You gasp.

Link looks at you, eyes as beautiful as they are resigned. "Angel."

"Where have you been?! I was so worried!" You cry, crossing the room to check on him.

You move to cradle his face, running your thumbs over his cheek bones. His skin is cold in your hands.

"I've been doing hero shit." Link huffs, pushing your hands away. "Just- leave me alone."

You choke, stepping back. "You just got home."

"Yeah." Link says tightly.

"Can you at least tell me if you're okay? I've been worried sick!"

"You don't need to worry! Leave me alone!"

"I- What the hell Link? All I'm asking is if you're injured?!"

Link storms off with a growl.

You grit your teeth. You know he has bad days. Everyone does. You know he gets grumpy even towards you sometimes. But this is too much

You need some air. You need a walk.

You leave your home, rain pouring. It dosen’t matter. You just need to think.

Rain pours and thunder cracks with lightning.

Worries from the last several days loosen and tighten in quick secession.

Nothing matters.

You just need to focus on breathing.

Calmer heads and all that.

Link will calm down, you know this. He always calms down.

That dosen’t make it easier to deal with the way he snaps at you.

Honestly, you probably should have left him alone the first time he asked. He set a boundary, but in all honesty, your worry made it hard to see that.

You will have to apologize and work on doing better.

For now, though, you're going to focus on centering yourself and giving him the space he needs.

Hopefully, he forgives you.

You hear the monster before you see them. Low sounds.

Terror bolts up your spine -

-------

You jolt awake, breathless as you whip your head around. Blurry vision latching onto the low fire that is almost all embers.

You swallow hard.

Breathing. You need to do that.

Deep breath in.

Slow breath out.

You focus on slowing your breathing as you try to come back from whatever that dream was.

It's wild what brains can do.

It's strange you had a dream about Legend.

Weirder is that it feels... like a memory.

Nightmares can be so bizarre.

"Hey," Wind says from the fire.

You look over, blinking a few times. "Hi?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah... just- rough dreams." You say.

It's strange to admit that. It's strange to be asked anything by Wind.

Why is he even up?

Watch.

You remember now.

He's up for watch.

Wond nods, "That sucks. You gonna be okay to sleep?"

"I think so." You say without thinking about it.

There is no reason to possibly burden the kid.

Laying back down, you stare up at the stars and try to settle down enough to sleep. There's something in your mind saying you will need it.

-----

Next chapter

[oh-no-its-bird]

You are making me EMOTIONAL thinking about baby kakashi losing his teeth and not having his dad around to ask about things now, not even specifically for fang reasons either 😭😭

I think I was late and lost my first took when I was almost seven and idk exactly when Sakumo died officially but. Idk. Something something the tragedy of potentially not even having a parent around to explain what is going on when you lose a tooth for the first time

I'm so glad u sent this actually bc I was thinking ab wanting to write a post ab this premise but wasn't sure how to phrase or start it

Kid Kakashi struggling through starting to lose his baby teeth after his father dies <33

Google tells me that children start losing their baby teeth around 6, and the general age I've seen for Kakashi when Sakumo kills himself is usually around that same number, so, it works out!!

You bring up such a good and fun point actually in just. Does Kakashi know what's happening to him? Has anyone explained to him that your teeth just naturally fall out when you're little?

One day, Kakashi goes to class and sees Obito, who's a few years older than him, bragging about how he "just lost my tooth the other day"

And Kakashi quietly goes to himself, "wow this guy is so bad at fighting, he got his tooth knocked out and he's happy about it. What a weirdo."

Obito is IGNORING the judgmental stares coming from Kakashi's direction, assuming Kakashi is just jealous of his super cool milestone of growing up

Thinking maybe Obito even comes over to try to brag about it, but Kakashi just goes "??? Why are you bragging about losing your teeth ??? God, you're such a freak"

And Obito is like, "I know ur just jealous BAKASHI. Because you are still a BABY while I am on my way to being a MAN"

And inside Kakashi, still deeply confused and weirded out, is like, 'why the fuck would I be jealous' but outloud he just glares and goes, "I've never lost any of my teeth because I never lose."

To which Obito loses his mind because he's like 9 and to a 9 year old that sounded kind of sick and how DARE Kakashi try and be cool about this

(In the background, Minato is well on his way to losing his mind trying not to laugh. Rin meanwhile is squinting and doing mental math as she tries to tell if Kakashi is joking or not)

But anyways like. Kakashi later losing his own teeth and freaking the fuck out about it. Is he sick? Is he dying? Should he go to the doctor?

Oh my god wait ok but Kakashi cornering Rin after a training session and demands she help diagnose him bc he doesn't want to go to the actual doctor or ask Sensei for help. And Kakashi admitting she's a "good med nin" and Rin is kinda going omg Kakashi conpliment,,,, life goals,,

But also like Kakashi thinks he's dying and she's SUPER flattered he thinks she can help but she's like. 10. And a med nin in training.

So she's kind of sweating like "omg what are ur symptoms, why do u think ur dying?"

And Kakashi is like my "fucking teeth are falling out !!!!!!"

And Rin is like "woah that sounds super scary and seriou— Hold on a second."

Kakashi goes as far as to take off his mask to show her, which goes to show how desperate he is rn because he'd usually never do that.

And Rin is torn between being tempted to pinch his cheek and pull at it like it's Mochi and also like. She's struggling SO hard not to laugh at this point because she knows if she does Kakashi will literally never forgive her

So Rin has to break it to Kakashi as gently as she can (and without laughing or cooing at his cute kid naivety) that don't worry, you aren't dying, this is normal

Kakashi doesn't believe her at first. But when he does he's suddenly overwhelmed by embarrassment. He will never recover. Hes so fucking glad he didn't actually go to the doctor or to sensei because at least Rin he can swear to secrecy FOREVER

Kakashi has to deal with his suddenly too big for his mouth adult fangs and keeps going to Rin to help heal the cuts they keep leaving on his lips ,,,,

Somehow Obito catches wind of this, and hears "Rin + helping with Kakashi's lips (???)" And thinks they're kissing and loses his goddamn mind in spectacular fashion.

Toddler drama....

Idk where Im really going with this, it ended up taking a life of its own

Uhhh anyways. Moving this conversation entirely:

You can copy pasted this exact concept onto Naruto for a really funny (and kind of awful) au where Naruto loses his first tooth and becomes convinced he's dying

He does actually try to go to the hospital but they try to turn him away, but when he blurts out that he's scared he's dying a particularly mean spirited doctor pretends to examine him then goes "oh no. You really are dying and have a week to live. Boohoo."

Naruto loses his fucking mind and makes a "things I want to do before I die" bucket list and then spends the next week desperatley trying to complete it bc hes convinced he's gonna die on the final day

This list includes but is not limited to:

- become Hokage

- start a family

- eat every single different kind of ramen on Ichiraku's menu

Idk how to make the first and third especially funny but like.

"Starting a family" ending up somehow leading to Naruto very aggressively trying to get literally anyone to hold his hand in a similar fashion to "Uchiha Sasuke's 10 step plan to get revenge" where Sasuke tries to get Shikamaru to marry him in his quest to "live a good life" to get revenge on Itachi, while Naruto hears Sasuke is looking for a husband and very loudly tries to get him to pick him instead

Which is actually a really fucking funny one on its own and now I'm just thinking about that instead, so I'll leave this post here

I got a little distracted, but. Thank you for ur ask !!!

[scribblestatic]

Hmm... I wanna write more creachers...

Spider Yuan it is.

Spider Yuan on AO3

Prev Masterpost Next

--

Shen Yuan didn't attend Fan Zhenzhen's funeral.

Oh, like, he did, but not in person. He watched, yes, since he could now stand a bit further away in the trees and not be noticed unless someone looked closer.

Besides, he could tell it would distract the others. Humans would still be wary of him, naturally. He can't fault prey for being wary of a predator, can he? No, Fan Zhenzhen raised them too well for that.

So, he waited and watched as they carried her to the mausoleum on the side of his mountain, picked for its perfect fengshui.

And okay, maybe he watched them enter the mausoleum from one of the nearby trees. And maybe a villager noticed him watching and it took him holding up a silencing finger to ensure the man didn't panic.

It worked out just fine.

...Okay, yes, there was a rumor spreading of a strange, tall man who dwelled among the corpses and peered silently from the trees, but after telling them it was him, they were quick to apologize.

But yes, it all worked out fine.

And, as another five years passed, more spiders cultivated their human forms, leaving the mountain during the day to learn more about human life and adapt to their bodies.

After all, Shen Yuan was going to leave.

Not forever, no! But he'd been serious about going on a journey to explore more of the world. He just didn't want the village to be left without anyone to provide silk, plants, or protection. As much as his servants were reliable, they did require direction.

Zhuzi wanted to come with him, but Shen Yuan insisted otherwise. It was something he would like to do alone. He hadn't been alone for...decades at this point, wow.

Besides, spiders are generally quite solitary beings. Even his servants took vacations for themselves to be at peace and cultivate. He cultivated with company, but perhaps now was a good time for some self-reflection. Maybe to figure out what he wanted to do for the next few decades or centuries, depending on how long he'd be alive.

He didn't feel like his lifespan was getting any shorter, so staying in one place for this long...well, he wasn't actually bothered by it. At one point, he barely left his web of screens and strong walls and convenience for several days at a time, which was...hm. However or whenever that was. Anyway, sticking to one place really wasn't a bother.

...Seeing the mausoleum every day hurt, so maybe he was running away a little bit.

He's an old spider, leave him be!

So, after those five years passed and he'd thoroughly prepared Zhuzi as much as he could, he packed a little qiankun pouch full of a few things, like duplicates of his favorite stories, lots of scrolls, quills, and ink, and various plants in case he needed to cure someone (or himself) of some sort of ailment (or sex plant...which was a collection of ailments all on its own).

He'd already told Fan Ruoxing, letting him know that the mountain would not be bereft of spiders, but that he would be gone for a while.

The now older man smiled sadly.

"Mm...this servant understands. Thank you for telling us... And thank you for fulfilling my mother's wish."

By twilight, Shen Yuan breathed in the cool air of early spring.

He gazed up at the stars and the bright moon, marveling quietly at the sight of them. Zhuzi stood by his side, gazing up with him.

"Dage should enjoy his trip. Please don't worry about anything here. This one shall take care of them."

"Mm. He knows you will."

He moved, placing a hand on the top of her head. She blinked owlishly for a moment before her eyes closed, satisfied.

"Thanking Zhuzi for her hard work. This one shall be back in a few years."

"Yes. Safe travels."

...And then, he looked forward, toward a forested trail he'd never traveled before, and took his first step.

--

At first, Shen Yuan traveled aimlessly. He didn't have a particular destination in mind or anything, so he drifted around as he saw fit.

Getting off the mountain was fairly easy in the end. His web spread out far and wide. The many beasts and creatures that could have tried to be a threat had long started fleeing from his presence. Perhaps it was because of some sort of adaptation, having watched generations of their predecessors die at the hands of either his servants or himself.

Even after he finally drifted away from the small strings of webs at the barriers of his marked domain, fearsome creatures didn't dare to approach...

And that was a bit disappointing.

He usually just ate them, but now that he had some time to travel, he would like to study a beast or two. The way other creatures function had become more interesting to him. If they didn't at least get close, he could he watch them?

So, he had to practice more to conceal his qi—something he didn't really bother doing before. After all, it was his territory. Who did he need to hide from?

But sure, fine. If it meant he'd have an easier time actually finding the creatures he wanted to study, then he'd Git Gud.

Two weeks into his practice, and the birds still wouldn't chirp when he was within a few zhang of them. Come on. There was no need to be so dramatic that a few meters was all it took for the space he was going toward to go silent.

Maybe it was because of this silent alarm that humans traveling through the forest became extra cautious.

They never quite could sense when he was right beside them, though.

"...Excuse me."

The group of three startled, turning toward him with their ragtag weapons drawn. A partially rusted axe, a small sword, and a dagger... However, they didn't have armor on, and it looked like most of their belongings might've been held in the stuffed sack each had tied around their necks and draped behind their shoulders.

The men looked at his waist. Then up. Then up.

By the time they finally got to his face, the man with the dagger dropped his weapon.

Okay. Just like he practiced... Let's do this.

Shen Yuan didn't bother smiling. They couldn't see his face through the veil anyway. But he did start slowly to bend down, trying to meet them at their height.

The young, dirtied man with the axe managed to stand his ground, hands shaking and knuckles turning white. Ah, he must be the leader of the group, right?

"Would you happen to know where the nearest village is?"

The young man swallowed thickly.

"...No."

Shen Yuan sighed.

"Oh dear..."

"...?"

"This one would much rather you tell the truth rather than lie. It's very discourteous."

Of course the man was lying. His jackrabbiting heart skipped a beat when he'd asked, and it'd sped up even further before he answered.

Shen Yuan was a spider, not an idiot. Humans were terrible at lying to him.

To ease the mood a little, he clapped, his claws clicking against each other.

"Let's try again. Would you happen to know where the nearest village is?"

...One of the men behind him was starting to smell of ammonia. Perhaps he really had grown a bit more accustomed to the reactions of the villagers from Xiaoshan. They feared him, but not to this extent.

The axe boy finally began to utter a reply.

"I...erh...this lowly one knows where...a village is. But...wh...what do you...what does this esteemed person want to do with that information?"

Beneath the weimao, Shen Yuan's eyelids fluttered, his expression scrunching.

"To visit, like any visitor would?"

He wheezed in reply. "My...family..."

"Hmm? Yes, what of them?"

At this, the man dropped his axe. He then fell to the ground, immediately prostrating.

"Please...! Please! If I must die now, I will accept this. But please! Don't hurt my family!"

The others also dropped to the ground, giving him similar pleas of mercy for the ones they loved while offering their bodies up to him.

"...When did this one say he would hurt anyone?"

He listened to the villagers sob and beg at him for a little longer before he finally lost his patience.

"Sit up before this one smacks you."

They all immediately sat up. Shen Yuan huffed, the veil of his weimao fluttering.

"Is this a habit of your village, to assume the worst of people? This traveler is just looking to explore new things and gather stories. Aiyah, get up, get up! All this bowing—your clothes are already filthy enough, don't kneel in the dirt."

He really didn't want to watch them squirm.

Squirming things made him salivate.

Once they collected themselves, the axe wielder spoke.

"This...this lowly one apologizes for his rudeness. Begging your forgiveness."

"Mm, it's alright. Worry not about it. Though, this one is curious. What brings you three deep through the forest like this?"

They glanced at each other, unsure. But eventually, he spoke.

"We...are traveling to Jindao City (金道城市 - Jīndào Chéngshì - Golden Road City). There is an illness spreading in our village."

Jindao City...yes, he was familiar with the name of it, though he hadn't been there himself. Xiaoshan Village had also been under the authority of Jindao, though they never came to help when the famine ravaged the village somewhere around 50 years ago.

As he recalls, upon Fan Zhenzhen taking up the mantle of Village Elder, she reduced their dues after, having heard of their survival, the city tried to send tax collectors. They survived without Jindao's assistance, so they would only pay enough in produce to keep relative peace with the city that abandoned them.

If the spiders ever left, they'd have to defend themselves and their land, after all. So, it was best to not go about burning bridges all willy-nilly.

"Hmm. This one recalls a famine occurring somewhere around here before."

At this, all the humans brightened.

"Yes, the old master is wise. A famine ran through the area many years ago. Our village still hasn't fully recovered. Now, an illness is hurting our most reliable people. Men, women, and children have all fallen ill. Some have died. We lowly servants hope that, with our quick action, perhaps we can prevent further deaths."

Old master? Ah, because he remembered the famine, probably.

Well, he was old. No need to correct or ridicule him. Still, what a shift from deeming him a monstrous demon to calling him an old master! Don't you have any steadfast beliefs, ah? The switch-up could be disorienting!

"Mm. Did Jindao City offer assistance during the famine?"

"From what this lowly one remembers, no. He doesn't remember them helping. But he was a little boy back then. It's possible he doesn't remember much of what happened."

"But the fact the loyal worker questions if they helped likely means his elders and ancestors did not speak of it. If they didn't speak of it, this one believes it likely they did not help. There is more than one village Jindao City did not assist back then. If this is the case, does the loyal worker have anything now that may change the minds of Jindao's officials?"

"Something...?"

"This one does not think positively of Jindao officials because of their actions, or lack thereof, during the famine. Therefore, he assumes that, to move them to action, others must present them with a good-enough reason to do so. In his experience, this one believes having desirable goods, finances, or resources would lead them to be more likely to offer aid. Do the loyal workers have such items on them or in their village?"

Their following silence told him all he needed to know.

The one with the dagger whispered to the axe wielder, "This must be why Lao Heng (老恒 - Lǎo Héng - Old Heng) told us not to bother..."

Hmm.

It really wasn't any of his business. He'd just started his trip, and he was already encountering trouble. He could very well just thank them for their honesty and continue wandering around.

But, he kinda wanted to eat. He could practice inedia, but why do that if he didn't have to? A beast's cultivation rarely counted on restriction. No, it usually promoted levels of indulgence and selfishness, and he saw no problem with that.

He doubted they had food he'd enjoy, but if he couldn't eat that way, he could always eat another way. Something anyone with the ability to think could offer him.

"Hmm... This one is not a doctor, but he has tools and knowledge that may be of assistance. The only thing the loyal workers must offer him to begin is a story."

[ruggiesbiologicalfather]

NRC Boys As Things My Students Have Said

context: my students are 3-5 years old. preschoolers can have more advanced vocabularies than people think so do NOT come in here saying "little kids don't talk like that" they absolutely do

Heartslabyul:

Riddle - "my mommy says tattoos are bad and you should never get one. why don't you listen to my mommy?"

Ace - "these are my Really Good At Running shoes, watch!" *immediately trips on the sidewalk and faceplants*

Deuce - "my head is really hard, listen!" *punches himself in the head*

Trey - "daddy, did you bring me a croissant?" [dad: "yeah, it's in the car"] *EAR SPLITTING SCREECH OF JOY*

Cater - "i made this phone so i can play games. don't worry, it's not real. i'm just a kid"

Savanaclaw:

Leona - "is it nap time yet?" [me: "not yet, we still have to eat lunch first”] "uuuuuuUUUUUUUUUGH!"

Ruggie - "look, i found for real money! i found it in the sandbox so i can have it right? it doesn't belong to anybody 'cause it was just in the sandbox. and i didn't take it from anybody, i just found it. so i can have it, right? can i have it? can i take it home?"

Jack - "carrots make us strong and candy makes us weak... i'm gonna be really big when i grow up. bigger than you. bigger than the whole school. bigger than the whole earth!"

Octavinelle:

Azul - *after winning approximately two games of tic tac toe* "i guess i'm just gonna have to be the best forever. sorry everybody"

Jade - "look at all these mushrooms! ... let me eat them, PLEASE"

Floyd - "school is so boring, there's nothing to do except like... play and stuff"

Scarabia:

Kalim - *holding a wad of bloody paper towels against his nose* "nosebleed :D! i get a popsicle now, right!? YES!"

Jamil - "they're trying to show me their bugs and that's so mean! why would they do that!?"

Pomfiore:

Vil - "what would you like to order from my restaurant?" [me: "ooh, a restaurant! i think i would like-"] "you're getting poison spaghetti"

Rook - "look at my bow and arrow!" [me: "wow, that's really cool. just remember, we don't shoot our friends. you can shoot your arrows at the trees or the-"] "i don't want it anymore"

Epel: [me: "hey kiddo, godzilla needs to go in your cubby while we have group time, then you can get him out and play with him"] "what the fuck!?"

Ignihyde:

Idia - "have you ever heard of the zelda game? i know all about it, i'm really good at it. probably better than you are actually"

Ortho - "no, stop, you can't pretend to be my sister. no, don't say her name! that's my sister! NOOOOOOO!"

Diasomnia:

Sebek - *as loud as he can from the top of the climber* "I AM VERY ANGRY!"

Silver - "mommy said i CANNOT take a nap today 'cause i won't sleep tonight but that's really not true 'cause i can sleep all the time"

Lilia - [me: "your birthday's tomorrow buddy! are you excited to turn four!?"] "no, 'cause i'm gonna kill myself! :D"

Malleus - *whispered into another kid's ear after singing happy birthday* "i hope you never die"

[satanic-worm]

What if I died right now?

Ok but no, seriously. I cried and screamed and hit things. I think I could die happy now, best Smissmas present, happiest holidays!

Not gonna talk about the whole plot of the comic because I was in shock for most of it with the occasional screaming whenever a character appeared, BUT here are some things I loved:

• Zhanna's prosthetic hand and her and Soldier's children.

• Pyro is SO HAPPY to see Engie again.

• My man Tavish having a moment.

• This interaction after Scout's whole speech, it's great.

• Miss Pauling is not doing well, girl can't have a win even when she does.

• The most girl boss ever, like oh wow I mean fucking damn!

• Beautiful evil woman <3

• Everyone flabbergasted and horrified by what they've witnessed.

• THIS moment of Pyro going 'OH SHIT-'

• Medic and Heavy comforting each other (AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH).

• He actually adopted her, I didn't dare hope for something this wholesome but I guess we actually got it.

• Here you can see the moment Bidwell's heart stopped, he was legally dead for three seconds, I checked.

• Heavy converting won to US dollars on the spot (that's the hottest thing I've ever seen), and that beard looks VERY good on him.

And the team Smissmas reunion near the end might have actually killed me.

• Scout is the most Jerma he's ever looked.

• Spy almost saying "I'm your grandfather" (I swear he was gonna) and taking off his mask.

• Everyone bringing their families + the Eyelander, Archimedes, Medic's baboon, and Pyro's fucking dog.

• Merasmus and Tome Jones together forever in the afterlife, love wins.

• Medic's gonna cut the turkey with the bonesaw (smart choice).

I am over the moon and my eyes are burning. Merry Smissmas am I right?