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gauntletqueen · 1 year ago

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wow is superstars really That Bad?? :(

In my opinion, kinda yeah :< (here I go writing a fucking essaybecause just listing complaints as bulletpoints isn't gonna get my thoughts across shafghghaf, this is all based on personal experience and opinion of course!)

(first off, the game uses Denuvo anti-cheat which eats a stupid amount of processing power, slowing down your PC, which is bad because there are better alternatives but SEGA keeps insisting on using this one) On a base level, the game is fine. The characters feel pretty good to control, the graphics are nice, I like that they brought back Fang and introduced Trip whom I love! About half of the soundtrack is very good too! But I just find so many problems that build on that base.

The level design, while fine overall, has a tendency to make you run or jump directly into obstacles a lot, partially because the camera is much to close to the player character. There is just no way to see these obstacles coming until it's already too late, or the enemies will shoot projectiles from off-screen, giving you no warning either. This also means it's harder to see jumps coming, making you fall down a lot. Not necessarily in bottomless pits, but it can be a bit annoying all the same to fall down to a lower route. The game also features several special powers you can activate, and the game wants you to use these at specific moments, but most of these aren't build into the levels fluidly at all. Instead they usually halt the momentum entirely just for a small gimmick that'll be over in a second and, in my experience, never adds anything, aside from the water power which lets you swim freely, which makes for a nice change of pace, but it's only applicable in water stages and using it anywhere else is totally useless. Most of the powers are like that, far too situational, to the point where I kept forgetting they existed unless the game reminded me. I will admit I am just forgetful so maybe this is a me problem.

The game's main selling point, the multiplayer, also makes these problems even worse. The camera seems to choose entirely at random which player it wants to follow, swapping at random as well. The moment a player leaves the screen, they despawn. Given that this game is about running fast, this means that you will despawn constantly. After despawning in this manner, rather than dying, you can press A to respawn next to the surviving player immediately, so it's not the worst, but still incredibly annoying when you can never get into the flow of the game. But it gets worse when one person falls into a bottomless pit, and the camera decides to follow that player. The other player is pushed offscreen, dissapears, and the first player falls to their death, thus killing both. These kinds of problems are a constant and make the multiplayer incredibly frustrating.

The bosses are a big gripe for me as well. In previous Sonic games, Classic especially, if you could hit the boss in their weak spot, you could hurt them. That sounds obvious at first, but a lot of games aren't like that, where you need to wait for a specific attack to leave the boss vulnerable or something. Most bosses in Sonic games don't have that, if you can duck and weave between the boss's attacks and get close enough to land hits quickly, you can really speedrun a boss and feel great about it! In Superstars, bosses can only be hit at certain points, which often isn't visually indicated, causing you to either bounce off of them, or take damage, despite the boss looking no different than when you can hit them. When you hit them, they flash white, indicating their invincibility frames, another common thing for bosses in games, but their invincibility actually lasts much longer than the flashing, which results in the player trying to attack them too early and bouncing off or taking damage again. This already drags bosses out a lot, but on top of that, a lot of bosses take a ton of hits compared to most Sonic games, which, again, breaks the game's momentum. The bosses end up feeling so tedious and long that I started dreading having to fight most of them.

But okay! You can just play the main game in singleplayer! The levels are usually fine and some bosses actually work well! It's not entirely unfun. However, there's more once you beat the main game. (spoilers ahead, though I refrain from talking about specific story elements)

After beating the main story, you unlock a second story. This story is just as long as the previous one, because it's all the same levels, but made harder. This includes the bosses, which were already a pain before, some of which become like torture now.

At this point, the game becomes an endurance challenge, just suffering through harder and harder variants of the same levels and bosses, which, at least in my opinion, stops being fun pretty quickly, since all the earlier issues compound. No new story is learned through this mode either (it's even difficult to understand whether it takes place before or after the main game until the ending which seems like an easy thing to do), so it really just feels tacked on to stretch the game length. and I've been told by a friend that the final boss is so stupidly difficult that it took them like 6 hours to beat. Considering how frustratingly unfun and difficult the game had gotten by the 8th stage, I can believe it! It was, in no small terms, one of the most soulcrushing experiences I've ever had with a video game. It just made me really sad and dejected.

After finally beating it, you unlock a shoddily integrated True Final Boss which comes out of nowhere, and that's a shame because I feel it could've been something neat, and I understand where they were going with it, story-wise, but just needed to be introduced better.

Overall the game has a great basis for a good Sonic game, but ends up getting more and more frustrating and demoralizing as it goes on, and ends up being one of the few games that's actually less fun in multiplayer! Impressive. I really can't say who's at fault here either, since there's so many choices here that I feel can't be due to executive meddling, and it's important to remember that these are the same devs as Balan Wonderworld, Yoshi's New Island and Hey! Pikmin. They don't have the best track record, yknow? Perhaps we'll get a huge patch someday that fixes all of my issues with the game, or maybe the fans will mod it, or maybe not! Whatever! There's better Sonic games to play! Play Mania or 3! Or fan games!!

okay thank you for reading <3

#Oops wow that's uh.#that's a lot #I just kinda wrote the first things that came to mind #if you manage to stay focussed long enough to read it all I am so proud of you and thank you

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panhelleniios · 1 month ago

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Name: Hercules Panhellenios

Nickname(s): Herc, Herak, you know. Any of the names he's had in the past, within reason. Just not Heracles, thanks.

Relationship Status: Verse dependent. Single, typically, unless otherwise established.

Gender: Cis man

Romantic Orientation: Biromantic / Bisexual / Polyamorous

Preferred Pet Names: None, really. Call him whatever, and he tends to use partner's names rather than any pet names.

Opinion on True Love: Absolutely believes it's real. Pretty certain it's what he had with Megara and he chases that feeling. Their relationship wasn't perfect — far from it, really, being back in ancient times and all that. He’s not sure he's had true love since then, but he wants to feel it again, even if he won't admit it out loud.

Opinion on Love at First Sight: Attraction at first sight happens plenty for him, but love? Really only with Megara because of how smitten he was with her from the start. The fact that their marriage was arranged has no bearing on that — she was the first person he ever tried to settle down with, and he did try.

How 'Romantic' are They?: Once a relationship is established, very. He'll still get affectionate and sweet on someone he's seeing casually, no doubt about that — but the lines between friendship, romantic love, and sexual attraction all blur in his head in some ways. Certain people he will only think of as platonic, and it's sort of instinctual instead of actually thought out not to cross any lines with them, but once the physical attraction is reciprocated — even without romantic intent — he tends to get a little sappy. Even if you’re just his friend having a casual bit of fun with him, he’s likely to start being a little more sweet on you.

Ideal Physical Traits: This is a tough one to call, because Hercules doesn't entirely have a list of traits he thinks of as ideal. He can find just about anything attractive on anyone, given their personalities mesh well — and even when they don't. I'd like to say physical strength is up there, though. Confidence? An ability to stand up against him in a fight, even one just for fun?

Ideal Personality Traits: Again, it's difficult to pin down properly. He's been with so many people that it's such a wide range — he knows he likes confidence and steadiness in battle, someone who can keep up with him and enjoy the fight at the same time. But he's also had plenty of lovers who stay far away from battle that he likes to dote on and take care of. So long as the person he's eyeing isn't downright cruel, he's bound to find something to like. There's also the matter of his tendency to like people who are smarter than him, someone who can bring a little bit of balance to his recklessness — even if you don't manage to stop him from doing something stupid.

Unattractive Physical Traits: He’s not picky. I mean, he fucked a drider once. He was also a drider in that moment but the point still stands.

Unattractive Personality Traits: Cruelty, really. That's about all I can think of — again, he's taken so many lovers over the years, but his taste does tend to veer toward the ‘morally good’ side of things. But he's had casual sex with people who have tried to kill him. Good way to cut the tension or be a distraction, I guess? (no let's be honest those interactions are solely the result of mutual sexual attraction.)

Ideal Date: Is it clear yet that Herc isn't picky? He'll consider fighting monsters as a date, but he'll also be more than happy to have casual nights out. Or in. As long as he gets to spend time with the person, he's happy. Though if he can manage to wrangle someone into taking a trip to Greece with him, he'll jump at that chance.

Do They Have a Type?: So this is something I've actually been contemplating for a bit and I'm not sure there's necessarily a word for it, but Hercules' type is … reciprocation. He can be physically and emotionally attracted to someone and keep it to a normal level of flirtation and interaction, but once it's reciprocated is when he gets really into the thought of it.

Average Relationship Length: That's hard to gauge with a man who's thousands of years old. He's had flings, one night stands, relationships that last decades or centuries — there's no average for him. But he does cherish them. Just because he outlives someone doesn't mean he just tosses that relationship into the back of his mind forever — he'll keep mementos and cherish the memories for as long as he can.

Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: A lot of touching. Cuddling, sleeping near someone, just being able to feel another person next to him.

Commitment Level: As of his sobriety, he wants something a little more serious — more than just a one-night stand, maybe not something that winds up in marriage, something in-between. Before that it was an anything goes sort of deal. He's gotten married, divorced, and been a widower for people he's known for short amounts of time. He’s slept with people and left them for no reason other than he got bored. At times he’s been shallow about relationships, and at times he’s been deeply committed to people just because they’re nice to him.

Opinion of Public Affection: Hercules loves it. He'll gauge based on what his partner is comfortable with, but he gets very affectionate very fast. Before his sobriety he’d gotten in trouble for public indecency, but these days he’s definitely far more conscious and a little smarter about all of that. Nonetheless he’s the type of person who wants to be touching, holding hands, an arm around a shoulder or waist, and he will bring up how impressive his partner is at any given moment. The displays of affection don't all have to be physical, after all.

Past Relationships? Too many to count. Of course the most well-known is Megara, everyone knows he's been married before, he had kids — but that ended badly and left him a little intimidated by the idea of ever having a family again. Deinaira, Queen Omphale, Hylas, you know the drill — he was an overzealous bisexual in the ancient world who would sleep with anyone who offered.

More modern days, his list of partners isn't any less impressive — Black Widow, She-Hulk, Snowbird, plenty of other heroes in various levels of commitment — unfortunately the comics really used to disregard his bisexuality aside from little jokes about it (some that REALLY didn't age well at all) in some of his runs. Thankfully they've picked up on it in recent years. Noh-Varr being his latest and what seems to be a pretty decently balanced relationship is nice to see — even if they're ‘on a break’, according to some newer issues.

And of course for 12025 verse Hercules — I can't forget him ever — he's a little more complicated. Banned from being with mortals, I don't think he even had Megara. But he does have his Wolverine, and they're committed to a point that not even death can break them up.

tagged by: @snkts

tagging: just steal it from me it's fun to do crime

#about | hc #fun fact ive been Thinking a lot about herc's sexuality the past few days because he's so. he's something.#long post #anyway WOW this got long winded huh. oops.#(im procrastinating on doing more cleaning in my apartment. shhhhh.)

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gayhoediaz · 1 year ago

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me throughout my entire life: going out in public and talking to people and interacting takes a lot of energy out of me.

literally everyone including supposed mental health professionals: mhm. because you’re shy and have a lot of social anxiety.

me: uh. no. zero social anxiety actually. not shy. have no issue talking to people it just makes me tired afterwards.

them: mhm. but there must be a rational explanation so it’s because you’re anxious. you must practice.

me: i have practiced my entire life it just created burnout, it’s not gonna change, this is how i work. i could get up on a stage in front of thousands of people and give a speech it wouldn’t make me anxious at all, i’m just tired after.

them: mhm. so you have social anxiety.

———

me throughout my entire life: *is quiet*

literally everyone including supposed mental health professionals: you’re so shy

me: actually no, i just like to listen and reflect on what’s being said, and i like to think things over. whenever i have something to say, i have no issue saying it, i just naturally examine things from every angle and i want to make sure that my words are a valuable contribution to the conversation.

them: shy <3

———

me: yeah so my dad kind of traumatized me, he would gaslight and invalidate my fee-

therapists and psychologists: you’re too sensitive <3

me: …and i’m afraid his new kids will also struggle with-

therapists and psychologists: they’re probably not as sensitive as you don’t place your experiences and emotions onto other people

———

me: i’m depressed

therapist: go to a spa <3

———

me: you make me uncomfortable i’m not ready to talk about this specific assault that just happened to me please don’t push it

psychologist: therapy is difficult <3 it’s okay to be uncomfortable <3

me: okay but i’m uncomfortable with you - like as a person. and i never agreed to this therapy.

psychologist: therapy is difficult <3 it’s okay to be uncomfortable <3

me: i-

psychologist: listen to the only song that brings you any kind of comfort while i stare at you <3 im sure it won’t ruin the song at all <3

———

me for 5 years straight: i feel exhausted all the time i feel like a zombie

psychiatrist: hm lets increase the dosage of this extremely heavy anti depressant

me: i don’t think i was ever depressed i think it was burnout but these meds just don’t make me feel good. i’m still exhausted i can’t get out of bed.

psychologists and psychiatrists: lets increase the meds and also you can’t just rely on medication, sweaty, you have to try also.

me: i am tryi-

psychologists and psychiatrists: no <3 try harder <3

———

me: yeah a few years ago i slowly decreased my anti depressants by myself under the supervision of my family and i feel like i woke up after 5 years in a coma and i am still catching up in life because it was all paused but i feel so much better since quitting therapy because it was just giving me so much extra trauma and frustration with constantly being invalidated and misunderstood. i completely support medication and therapy when it’s necessary but i think it’s harmful to look at professionals as if they’re gods who can’t do anything wrong. i do not, in fact believe that everyone should go to therapy.

everyone:

#this wasn’t supposed to be this long oops #other highlights include the multiple times that one psychologist asked me to tell her all the things i remembered from my assault #and i said i remembered his weight on top of me and she asked if it was a good comforting weight #and she made me close my eyes and recall everything and i was frowning a lot cause i was uncomfortable and not ready at all #and she was like wow i could really see you being there huh #and i wanted to be like no i hate you you make me uncomfortable but she never listened to me anyway so i didn’t

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4giorno · 6 months ago

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oh my..... omg. ventis birthday art is so beautiful. YOUTUBE let us download community pics please!!!!!!

#it has to be my fave birthday art ever #the art itself. the atmosphere. the mundane charm of getting ready for the day. the less layered and unguarded appearence #seeing an active character im a more relaxed scene #wow. normally i dont comment on birthday art but this is just in a class of its own #(oops sorry for the typos my nails are getting so long its out of hand)

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darkclouud9 · 1 year ago

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I may have thieved some colours....

drew what I'm wearing but HELLA simplified

#this purple......... so pretty sobbign #i havent signed my art in ao long can you tell #stole the bg colour too #🥰🥰#also yeah this is a confirmation #cloud has no mouth #also i meant to add details under the mask instead of a face but..... oops #this is the heart all over again >:(#i originally drew a heart on the jacket but switch it to cloud the very next second :D #ADD DETAILS INSTEAD OF A MOUTH WOW HOWD I MESS THAT UP LMAOOO

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toomanyideasandfandoms · 8 months ago

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I suddenly wish to post about my genshin oc. The main one at least (looks at the 12 others...) djskfjfk

More under the cut cause this is gonna be long af

But it's as they grow closer to Kabu that they realized they grew attached, regret filling their head when they remembered the events that are supposed to take place. Should they change them? Can they even do that? Well it wouldn't hurt to try.

So they are someone who was isekaied into genshin, but during the time of Kabukimono. They essentially showed up on island with only the clothes on their back. Of course they're confused as all heck, barely recognizing their surroundings. It's only when they're found by the people of Tatarasuna and see Niwa and Kabukimono do they realize where they are. And very much as expected they freak out internally, thinking over many options they could choose for how to handle their situation.

They were a fool. It did hurt in the end, for they died alongside Niwa. Their heart placed into the box by the doctor and framed as being killed by Niwa himself. They couldn't save the boy (not puppet, they never considered him one) from his fate.

It's only when they wake up near Narukami Shrine do they realize their situation further. They can die in this world, and be returned to the living. From there they decide to wander, since they had no hope of finding the boy once more. They didn't even know how much time had passed since their death. They traveled through the nation of electro exploring what it was before the events they were familiar with.

So more time passes on, and they eventually find a way onto the mainland. They experience more deaths, but more so from them being clumsy and not experienced with dealing with the monsters of Teyvat. It never bothered them, for they knew death wasn't something to truly be afraid of. What more so bothered them was how embarrassing they were when recounting them.

Many years go by before they received word of the traveler, just arriving in Teyvat. With baited breath they slowly followed their footsteps, awaiting for when they could potentially help. While they had learned their lesson in messing with the fate the Heavily Principles had set, they at least had learn they could help with improving the course to such fate.

By the time they arrived in Sumeru, the final fight against the fatui harbinger, now named Scaramouche, was done. Quick to use this opportunity, they rush to speak with Kusanali. While it took some effort to sneak into her chambers, they were greeted with the sight of the little god tending to the unconscious man.

While talking the outlander had asked of the god to potentially erase any memory of them from the man, explaining the regret they held over not being able to help him.

Kusinali, while understanding, had refused to do so, explaining that if they truly regret it then they should attempt to make up for it in the proper way. Instead of running away. This seems to get through to them, so they agreed. Though they weren't surprised when the man had cried upon seeing them before him, rushing to comfort him. And this is where their companionship began once more, with too many small shenanigans of their bonding and blossoming relationship to list off.

That's about as much as I have in my head in terms of story. I mainly prefer to think over their bonding moments. Also yes it is a romantic pairing, just making that clear in case it wasn't.

Honestly I have like several versions of what the confession scene could look like, but also same with so many almost confessions. I just love these two sassing each other and it just turns into this easily readable tension that anyone could fucking see besides for them, or at least the Outlander doesn't see it dhskdjf.

They're so oblivious to Kuni's (what they call him, because they wanted to give some respect to the name he gave himself over the names that was given by others) feelings, they genuinely at first thought he only saw them as either an older sibling figure or a parental figure because of how maternal they were over him during the Kabu days. Meanwhile Kuni is practically this close to screaming in their face he's been in love with them since then, but of course he would refuse to do so because of his own dignity.

#genshin oc #wow I really uh...went overboard with this #oops dhekdhdkej #sorry for the long read if you do manage to read it all #i just love them so much #they are what keeps me going

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sibillascribbles08 · 2 years ago

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Regardless of What Happens

Whaaat it’s 2023 what if I wrote some Bad Future Jasonnie

Gonna just go ahead and give the heads up for implied sexual content and offscreen canon character death. I’m gonna get crunchy with it like I haven’t already with literally every other bad future thing I write.

Even if the conversation ended with another joke from Leo and both of them laughing, dread still hung like a lead weight at the base of Donatello’s chest. It was such a risky plan, a miracle he even convinced Leo to go along with it. Hacking into Kraang tech, even with all his research he knew it could go backwards so fast. He may not be able to over power it.

In less than twenty-four hours he may not be alive anymore.

Dying didn’t entirely scare him. He accepted death a long time ago.

He just hated the idea of what he might leave behind.

He hadn’t discussed the plan with Mikey yet. He’d have to, or Leo would do it for him. He’d already talked about it with April which ended with them screaming at each other. He’d apologize later, but still announce he was going through with it. She may never forgive him. He understood that.

A lot of people might not forgive him if this idea failed. Including Mikey. Including Casey. Including Leo.

Including...

Donatello glanced in the main computer room. Jase sat in there, like he often did, water bottle in hand as he scrolled through recent drone data. The purple dragons had become allies not long after the invasion started, though there was a ton of friction between them for a while. The need to survive eventually came around to friendship, despite how much Donnie would still bicker with them all from time to time. They didn’t do much field work, but their work with the programming and tech was a life saver on many occasions. It kept some of the workload off Donatello and meant they had backups if something happened to him.

And Jase knew Donnie’s tech better than any of them. Not long after becoming friends, Jase quit following at Kendra’s heels and often turned to Donatello instead. Late nights working on tech became so routine that, even on their nights off, they’d often hole up in each others rooms just to talk.

Donatello often denied the feelings that developed from that. After losing Raph, the idea of letting it become anything more terrified him. Because something could happen to Jase, or something could happen to him, and wouldn’t that just make the loss all the more painful.

But then again...

“How long are you just going to stand there staring?”

Donatello straightened up and glanced at Kendra who stood next to the door now. Right, she was also in the computer room. He absolutely hadn’t been paying attention.

“Lost in thought.” He crossed his arms and met her glare before sparing a glance in Jase’s direction. He turned in his chair, eyebrow raised, but then soon got back to work.

Kendra followed his gaze. “Uh huh, one guess to what you’re thinking about.” She flicked him on the nose.

Donatello snapped at her hand. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

She gave him a smirk when she rolled her eyes, then turned her head. “Hey Jeremy, wanna go get a snack?”

Jeremy leaned up from his work. “Huh? But we--”

Kendra must have given him a look because he suddenly straightened up. “Oh, yeah, sure, you want us to bring you something Jase?”

Jase just gave them a non-committal hum and kept scrolling.

Kendra’s smirk remained on her face as she stepped past Donatello and then shoved him through the doorway. He clenched his fists, about to try and insult her when the door closed in his face.

What was the big idea?

She couldn’t possibly know could she?

Donatello chose to ignore it for the time being as he walked up behind Jase’s chair, looking over the screen himself. All activity normal, from the look of things. A nice reprieve from how things were less than a week ago. Still, he didn’t trust it to last. Quiet moments like this often meant the Kraang were poking around for a weak point to strike. They’d learned to grow patient when the war lasted more than one Earth year.

Jase finally got to the bottom and turned away from the screen. “You need something, Donnie?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it, trying to search for the words. It seemed like a bad idea to just start with the whole “hey I might be dying tomorrow” topic.

Jase studied his face for a second before standing. Not like it did much. All these years and Jase barely gained another inch while Donatello sprouted up over a foot and a half. Jase didn’t even reach his shoulders now.

“Donnie?” Jase tilted his head. “Everything okay?”

“I...” He ground his teeth together for a second. “No. Not entirely.”

“What’s wrong? The drones aren’t reporting anything worth noting.”

“It’s not them it’s...” His arms tightened across his chest. He really didn’t know where to begin with this. “I finally got Leo to approve of a desperate plan of mine.”

Jase’s eyes went wide, only to narrow a second later. “What kind of desperate plan?”

He ground his teeth again, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m going to try and hack into Kraang tech.”

“What?” Jase snapped, trying to stand on his toes just to get closer. “Donnie, I know you’re joking. We talked about that dozens of times before. Even if it’s possible the risk is--”

“I know what the risk is.” Donatello snapped. “But look at us, Jase. Ever since Casey--Cassandra dropped our numbers keep dwindling. All our plans are coming up empty. People who were once our allies keep getting turned on us. If I can make this work it could change everything.”

“And if it doesn’t work?” Jase’s voice cracked and he finally grabbed Donatello’s coat in order to pull him down. “What happens to you then? You also just become one of their pawns? They could--”

“I’m aware.” Donatello took in a shaky breath. “That’s why Leo’s going to be there. So if I fail he can--”

“Are you serious!?”

“Jase--”

“No. No.” Jase shoved him back. “I’m not letting you do this.”

God damn it, this was going about as well as his talk with April did. “Jase, we’re running out of options.”

“That doesn’t mean we should jump straight to something like this. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the statistics of you getting out of this alive.”

Donatello tried to turn his gaze, but he couldn’t hold it. Rather than focusing on Jase’s eyes--so dark brown they were almost black--it kept moving to his messy hair, or the scar on his ear, or the thin line of stubble that made it clear he hadn’t bothered shaving in a few days.

“Donnie.” Jase insisted.

Donatello took a deep breath and forced his eyes to focus. “About seventeen percent.”

“That’s nothing. You can’t be serious. I’m not letting you do this until you can at least get that number higher.”

“We don’t have time for that.”

“You’re just giving up, aren’t you?” Jase’s voice crack again. “That’s what this is.”

Air got caught in Donatello’s throat before he could deny that.

“I’m not stupid, Donnie. I’ve picked out the things you’ve said over all those late night conversations. You’ve thought this war was pointless for years. That if--”

“If it lasted more than a year, we had no chance of winning. I know.” Donatello snapped back. “But I kept going, didn’t I? If I wanted to give up I would have years ago but I didn’t because...”

Because Raph. Because Mikey. Because Leo. Because April. Because Cassandra and now Casey. Because...

Gods, he knew why they were all so upset with this idea. He knew why they kept trying to convince him otherwise. How could he possibly explain to them that he wasn’t scared of dying if it gave them all the chance to turn this whole thing around. The only thing he was scared of was...

He reached out and held Jase’s faced in his hands, so suddenly that his friend’s sharp anger gave way to shock.

“Jase, I’m so sorry.” His breaths felt so unsteady, like he’d forgotten how to do it, like there just wasn’t enough oxygen in the air.

“For what?” Jase bit his lip to keep his voice from stuttering. “For being an idiot?”

“Yes.” The word barely left his lips when he exhaled. Then he pulled Jase into a kiss.

His friend went rigid under his grip, and he thought, briefly, that maybe this had been a very stupid idea.

Then arms were being thrown around his neck and Jase kissed him back, hard. The sudden tug almost had Donatello stumbling forward, so he responded by moving his hands and lifting Jase off the ground.

The motion forced them apart, but only for the length of a breath. Now looking down at him, Jase kissed him again, somehow even harder than the first time. Teeth and lips pinched together. Jase’s hands couldn’t seem to find a place to settle as they ran over Donatello’s cheeks to the back of his head, constantly bumping into his goggles. He was about to toss the damn things to the side. Not close enough. Somehow they weren’t close enough.

He tugged that thought back. A sliver of logic managed to slip through the haze that rapidly took over his brain. He pulled away from this kiss, and Jase started to follow him before he must have also regained his senses.

His cheeks, already bright red, somehow got darker as the color spread to the tips of his ears.

“Oh my god.” Jase’s hands moved to Donatello’s shoulders. “What am I doing?”

Donatello couldn’t help but smirk. “I thought that was obvious.”

Jase managed a glare as he lightly smacked the side of his goggles. “Don’t be such a smart ass, Von Ryan. What are you doing? What are we doing?”

“Well, I was kissing you.” Donatello dropped his grip just a bit so the pair of them were at eye level. “Because, I confess, I’ve wanted to for a few years now even if I tried to pretend I didn’t.”

Jase breathed out a laugh. “Huh, I guess we really are doing the same thing.” He leaned close, peppering kisses from the corner of Donatello’s mouth up his cheek. “I just always figured I wasn’t... That you were so far out of my league...”

Donatello snorted and turned his head to meet his lips. “So smart but so stupid sometimes. Out of your league? Really?”

“Shut up and just look at yourself.” Jase kept kissing him. “The most brilliant mind of our time, strong, tall, gorgeous--”

“Oh?” Donatello raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”

“Don’t sound so smug.” Jase shot him a glare before his hand ran up Donatello’s neck and then rested on his cheek. His thumb pressed against the corner of the turtle’s mouth before tugging his lip down. “But yes.”

Oh. Oh. That finally made a lot more sense. “Wait, is that why you kept staring at my mouth whenever I grinned at you?”

“What can I say? I like ‘em sharp.”

“You’re such a freak.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Donatello tried to lean in for another kiss, but Jase’s hand held him back.

“But jokes and flirting aside,” his tone shifted. “This better not be some stupid confession made because you know you aren’t making it out of this stupid scheme of yours.”

“Um... not entirely?” He tried to smile. “I just... I denied it for so long because after losing Raph it felt like... Like if I let myself have this I’d just be asking for it to get ripped away from me.”

“So you decided to do that to me instead.”

The impact of those words hit him so hard he almost dropped Jase on the floor. The lead weight in his chest dropped to his stomach. “I...”

“You’re such a bastard.” Jase mumbled as he kissed Donatello again. “Such a bastard and I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” His voice cracked again. A sob briefly escaped before he took a deep breath to tug all of it back in. “And I also hate myself for not saying anything sooner. I hate myself for not even being friends sooner. I hate that it took the world ending for us to become friends. I hate...” Another shaky breath. “I hate thinking that if this never happened, if the world was peaceful, would we still hate each other? Would we still be enemies? I don’t... I don’t know what world I’d prefer to live in if that’s the case.”

Donatello studied Jase’s face, once again his mind screaming that they weren’t close enough.

“I want us both to survive this.” Jase pressed their foreheads and their noses together. “I want us to win and try to get back to some kind of normal life again. I want the two of us to... I want...”

Another firm kiss, and this time when Donatello returned it, Jase moaned. Nails lightly scrapped against the back of Donatello’s neck, making him shiver. Jase parted his lips and Donatello followed suit.

Not close enough. Not close enough.

Jase barely moved away when he stopped, breath brushing past Donatello’s cheek when he spoke. “Your room or mine?”

The haze in his brain returned ten fold, but that sliver of logic fought to stay on the surface. “Are you sure about that? We--”

Jase’s hands practically slapped against his cheeks before he smooshed Donatello’s face. “I know I’m not going to stop you from doing this stupid, idiotic, reckless idea of yours. And if this really is some stupid, last minute, desperate confession then let me have this. Your room or mine.”

He said that last sentence so forcefully that the sliver of logic finally vanished in the haze. Donatello barely kept himself from pinning Jase to the nearby desk. “Yours.”

---------------------

Donatello must have dozed off. Not too surprising, considering the past few sleepless nights due to the stress and well... what just happened.

Jase lay curled up under his arm, pressed against his chest, not quite asleep but definitely not all awake either.

Donatello didn’t want to move. He really didn’t want to move. He at least allowed himself another few quiet seconds, pressing his nose to Jase’s forehead.

But then he rolled over, looking for wherever he placed his gauntlet on the nearby desk to check the time.

Yeesh, it’d almost been two hours since he and Jase first started talking back in the main computer room. He couldn’t waste too much time laying around. He had to prep some things before tomorrow. He had to talk to Mikey, and April, and--

Jase shifted behind him. Then two arms wrapped around his stomach as his friend--boyfriend--pressed up against his shell.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Jase mumbled.

“Not yet.” Donatello left the gauntlet next to the pillow as his hand rested on Jase’s wrist. “But I can’t stay here all afternoon.”

Jase tightened his grip. “Will I see you again tonight?”

Donatello wiggled himself loose, just enough to roll back over. “Most likely.”

“Good.” Jase kissed him on the collar, then the throat. “I’m not done with you yet.”

Donatello smirked. “Hm, dare I ask what that means.”

“Use your imagination.” Jase trailed a few more kisses, but slowed to a stop. “You are going to try, right? To stay alive, I mean.”

“Of course I am. But you know me. I have to be realistic. No matter how hard I try it may not...”

He didn’t finish the thought, couldn’t. Instead he reached up to hold Jase’s face, making sure his boyfriend was looking at him. “Regardless of what happens, I love you. No matter where I end up, I love you. One way or another, I’ll see you again. And one way or another, I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.” He sealed that promise with a quick kiss.

Jase looked at him, almost star struck, before it fell back to his usual smirk. “Wow, where did you find that sappy piece of dialogue?”

“Oh shush.” Donatello smiled back at him as he tugged the pillow down over Jase’s head. Not a very comfy one, full of old clothes they’d scavenged for, but better than rocks.

A beep from his gauntlet had to ruin the moment. He rolled over to check it again, knew it was an incoming call from the noise. Leo.

Donatello forced himself to sit up and snapped the gauntlet back on his wrist before answering it. “Yes, Leo?”

“Donnie, where are you? I’ve been looking all over the base for you. Main computer room says you’re still in here.”

“I am.” He wiped his eyes. “I’m in Jason’s quarters.”

His brother’s silence made him realize what he just said. His palm slapped against his forehead.

“Wait. Is that why Kendra is insisting I owe her ten dollars?”

“Huh?” Donatello shouted into the gauntlet and saw Jase trying to hide himself under the covers. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh my god, oh my god, no. I swore up and down you two would never--”

“You had a bet?”

“Dude, half the family does. I should get your own recordings and show you just how you two constantly stare at each other. Like, fifty times I swore I was going to vomit.”

“Okay, where are you?” Donatello tossed the covers off his legs and started to scramble for his clothes. “I’m coming to kick your ass right now.”

“Hang on, I have to give Kendra ten dollars before you do.”

“Nardo!”

-------------------

Jason didn’t know what he expected.

It was late a night when he saw Donnie again. He looked lost, then frustrated, then lost all over again. Evidently talking about the plan with the others didn’t go over too well. Part of Jason hoped that would discourage Donnie from trying it.

It didn’t.

So Jason clung to him like it was the last night on Earth, like if his lips left his, he would suffocate. Words were whispered back and forth, so quietly, but he remembered every one of them.

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you.” Donnie mumbled at one point. “I’m still not sure what’s worse. Telling you now at the risk of leaving, or you never knowing at all.”

At the time, he didn’t have an answer to that.

He didn’t think too hard afterwards, drifting off to sleep, because he assumed he’d see Donnie one more time in the morning.

But when he woke up, his arm reached out to find nothing. He groaned and sat up, opening his eyes to still find nothing. Just crumpled sheets and something round and grey sitting next to the pillow.

Jason fumbled for his glasses and put them on. Damn lenses that would never be clean again. They couldn’t spend the resources making fancy new ones.

He could see the object more clearly now. A simple speaker with one button on it. Donnie often used them to leave messages when bases had to be abandoned, leaving coded messages for other resistance members to follow.

But why was it here?

Jason swallowed before giving into his curiosity and hitting play.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.” The words from yesterday afternoon played back to him. “No matter where I end up, I love you. One way or another, I’ll see you again. And one way or another, I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.”

Jason stared at the speaker in his hand.

Is this what he meant when he said that?

Suddenly an uneasy feeling twisted in his stomach.

He scrambled out of bed and put on his uniform. With everything ready he sprinted out of his quarters and towards the main computer room. No one else was inside yet, too early perhaps? He hadn’t even looked at the time. He wouldn’t. Vitals. He needed to check vitals. His palm swiped across the screen until it showed the correct list.

One of them was flatlined.

One of them was--

He hit the play button.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

He hit it again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

Jason swallowed back the lump in his throat and forced his gaze to move over to the name next to the unwavering thread of life.

Again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

“Regardless of what happens--”

What happened?

Jason took off again. Leonardo. He had to find Leonardo if he was in the base. He’d know exactly what happened, right?

Did Jason even want an answer to that?

Most of the cave tunnels remained empty. Sometimes he passed by some rooms where people lingered, but none of them called after him.

He kept moving. Heading for the med bay. That’d be a logical place to look, right? He saw the doorway to it, saw April standing inside with her back turned. He opened his mouth to call out to her when his chest struck something metal. He would have fallen back if the culprit hadn’t caught him.

His hands rested on Leonardo’s prosthetic before he glanced at the turtle. His eyes were red, cheeks damp, but his expression was firm.

“Leo.” Jason tried to catch his breath. “What-- What happened? Where is he?”

Leonardo flinched, but his gaze only faltered for a second. “Jase trust me you don’t...” He swallowed. “You don’t want to go in there right now.”

“What happened?” He demanded as he pulled free. “What--” Only now with this distance did he get a good look at Leo’s sword. The red mask on the hilt was now perfectly complimented by the deep red stains that still lined the blade.

He felt so numb. Static formed in his palm where the recording pressed against it and slowly traveled up to his shoulder. This couldn’t be real. Maybe he was just having a nightmare. Any minute now he’d wake up in the real world and Donnie would still be right next to him, whispering a proper goodbye before he headed out on this doomed mission.

“Did he even try?” Jason choked the words out.

Leonardo grit his teeth, clearly struggling to speak for a second. “He gave it everything he had. It just wasn’t... enough.”

And what could he even say to that? The devastation was plain on Leo’s face. It’d probably be plain on April’s as well, and Mikey’s and even young Casey. Jase knew he wasn’t the only one being crushed by this, he never was when other reports of lost members came flooding in after a mission. He never was when he and his team watched those flat lines crop up one by one. In some ways this one should hardly be any different but the pins and needles in his arm hurt.

“Jase?” Leonardo took a step toward him. “Jase, I’m sorry--”

Why was he apologizing? This wasn’t his fault. It was Donatello’s stupid, stupid plan.

“Look, you should--”

As soon as the turtle reached out, Jason flinched backwards. His hand tensed around the device, causing him to hit the play button once more.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

Leonardo’s eyes went wide.

“No matter where I end up, I love you.”

“Jase... where did you--”

“One way or another, I’ll see you again.”

Leo’s shoulders went tense before his left hand covered his face, clearly trying to hide his tears.

“And one way or another.”

Jason took off in the opposite direction. He couldn’t be doing this to Leo, shouldn’t be. The recording already wrenched his own heart in two, just what was it doing to Donatello’s twin?

“I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.”

Jason kept going, all the way back to his quarters where he slammed to the door shut before sliding down onto the floor.

He hit the button again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

He double tapped this time, rewind.

“I love you.”

Again.

“I love you.”

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Jason failed to hold back his sob this time, loud enough that it drowned out the rest of the recording as it played from his hand.

“I’m still not sure what’s worse. Telling you now at the risk of leaving, or you never knowing at all.”

Jason still didn’t have an answer to that. Was one truly worse than the other?

Or did they just hurt in different ways.

Again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

#scribbly fics #jasonnie #rottmnt #uuuh wow oops this got long #maybe I should cross post it to AO3 #not tonight tho #there's some gaps in here but I mostly just wanted to focus on these two #so you don't get the additional devastation of donnie arguing with april and mikey F #ofc donnie left recordings for everyone else #they just haven't found them yet #me has two characters confess and then kills one of them #hee hoo #if you've read my fic about how donnie dies you already know what happens to him #not pretty !

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