#wow the beauty and joy of NOT WRITING FOR A DEADLINE AND JUST WAITING UNTIL THE FIC IS GOOD ENOUGH TO ME

[hideyseek]

9.09.2023

its so interesting as im writing narrative!fic the way that each subsequent draft / outline gets me closer and closer to a version of the fic that is ... true to the original conception? like i started gathering notes and ideas for this fic in earnest in ... 2021, like spring/summer 2021 and only today have finally put together an outline that FEELS like i am really, really close.

actually it's not even an outline it is a bunch of bulletpoint freewriting in a google doc that is roughly in the order of the series of events in the fic. i made a note to clean it into an outline later. but ohhh my god i finally!

like its been literally 4 drafts, i am slightly frightened to count how many words of draft material (probably about 60k give or take 15-20k), but THIS outline! i finally have the throughline of haiji's character arc through the fic, i've finally like .... idk. pared it down to the core parts and they magically (throug the power of thinking about this fic near-constantly since 2021) fit together now. THANK FUCK!

i told my old roommate i would send them a completed draft to beta like. two years ago.

i still don't know how this fucking fic ends but i have OPTIONS that probably will all require drafting out and revising before i pick sigh. but ohhhhhhhh my god this has NOT BEEN FUN but it is SO REWARDING to finally fucking hit (for like the third time) the feeling of "oh okay. i figured another thing out about how this story is going to work. it's going to come together now."

admittedly i said that to myself the last several times but THIS TIME I FIGURED OUT THE JOURNALING AND HAIJI'S WHOLE CHARACTER ARC and there is CAUSATION AND EVERYTHING which there sure was not before ahahaha. god this time i figured out the journaling!!!

and yes this is uhhhhhhhhhh an incredibly personal reading of haiji, i truly feel that my irl friends will kind of squint knowingly. but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh A MILESTONE!

a milestone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[casuallysuperfox]

A Moon

Hello, hello!

My name is Seabreeze27/casuallysuperfox and this is the first story I will publish on Fanfiction.net in (wow, has it really been) a year and the first one I have ever written for Archiveofourown.org and Tumblr. I hope you guys like it!

(-_-)

Megumi looked down in horror. She didn’t see anything, but really, she didn’t need to. After all, the tile that lined the shower of her childhood home didn’t change at all the years that she was gone.

             Off chasing the sun.

             Better known as Soma Yukihira.

             The Genius Cook that blew the culinary world out of the water.

             The boy that used to be her best friend.

             The young man she followed, all over the globe, sampling exotic food and mixing mysterious spices at shady stalls.

             The boy that gave her the courage to stand up and let her own cooking shine through.

             The young man that drank wine with her in the Italian countryside just before dawn.

             The boy she ultimately fell in love with.

             The young man that ultimately broke her heart.

             Hot steam slid down her throat in a foggy breath, coating the lining and relaxing her muscles. The same steam created water droplets on the shower door. She found herself fixated on a droplet of water, sliding, down, down, down before meeting up with the floor. She briefly wondered how easy it would be to slide down, down, down, down into the drain, following the water droplet to the nearby sea and disappearing into its dark depths.

             After all, no one could stop her.

             No one would ever know until after it had happened.

             No one would see her sneaking through the halls, by passing guests, workers, and family members alike.

             No one would watch her walk down to the Widow’s Cliff and then make a daring leap into the icy black below.

             No one would.

             A soft pearly glow suddenly filled the little shower stall. Looking up, Megumi blinked away the fierce glare the white moon cast down on her with astral vengeance. Its luminous embrace was finally peeking out from behind the clouds that had been mosing about all day. The sky light above her covered in steamy fog could have never blocked the moon’s mighty glow.

             Smiling softly, Megumi swiftly turned off the water and stepped out into the awaiting plush robe her mother must have left for her. Barely stopping to turn on the fan to dispel the steam, she quickly stepped out into the hallway and ran down to the small side door that lead out into the privet garden her family owned.

             As soon as she was outside, she looked up at the moon, smiling brightly as if she was greeting an old friend.

             For that’s what the moon was.

             An old friend.

             Ever since Megumi was little, she believed the Moon was the best thing about the dark. When she was younger, it was her savior and protector. Scaring away mighty beasts that could eat little girls as a snack; slashing away at the king of darkness and his army of shadows. It was her most constant friend, and Megumi never forgot to wish it goodnight before drifting off on her pillow.

             As she grew older, it’s role changed. No longer could it save her from monsters in the form of teachers handing out expulsions or slash the King and his army of spices. Instead, the moon seemed to send her a mini sun in the form of Soma. And so, like the moon, Megumi followed her sun.

             While on her worldwide adventure, she would take comfort in the fact that no matter where she was, the moon was always there. Watching, waiting, and shining as bright as possible.

             Megumi also never really got out of the habit of wishing the moon good night though. No matter how much she was teased by her friends.

             In fact, the only one who never teased her about it was Soma.

             Sweet.

             Sweet.

             Sweet Soma.

             The love of her life.

             The destroyer of her heart.

             After all, is that not what he did? Destroy her heart.

             Destroy her livelihood.

             Destroy everything she worked so hard to build.

             Destroy the past they shared, the years of friendship, the countless hours of cooking until they could literally cook an entire 9 course meal without saying a word to each other?

             He destroyed it all when Soma, the lost sun, trying to find it’s home, found his galaxy full of stars.

             Her name was Lea.

             She was kind.

             She was funny.

             She could make Soma laugh until he clutched his sides.

             She was the most beautiful woman Megumi had ever seen with her perfect body and perfect hair.

             Megumi didn’t have a perfect body. Too many hours sampling her own and other culinary masterpieces have left her body too curvy to ever be considered a size 6 or below. Hell, she was lucky that she was still a size with the amount of food she ate. And her hair. Always in braids, even if she changed it to a French braid sometime after school when she finally got the hang of it, always frizzy after spending hours in a kitchen with a hot oven and other hot appliances.

             She would often leave work sweaty and covered in at least six different food splatters.

             Lea never seemed to get sweaty. Not even when she was working out.

             She also never gained a pound, no matter how much food Soma set in front of her. She would always stay thin and pretty, and paint her nails-

             Megumi violently pushed the thought of Lea away and instead watched fascinated as a little bit of clouds dared to cover the moon even a little bit. The solid wooden bench beneath her, her favorite since it was one of the few that didn’t have a plant blocking sky above it, echoed the slight chill that filled the air. Her back wet hair was pressed up against it and relayed the cold to Megumi She briefly wondering if she might get a cold because of it.

             I bet Lea wouldn’t get a cold.

             Megumi squeezed her eyes shut and pushed both the tears and the thoughts as far away from her as she could. The brief flash of a simple, yet elegant, RSVP flooded through her mind.

             You are cordially invited to-

             No.

             -the wedding of-

             No.

             -Lea-

             No!

             -and-

             NO!

             -Soma Yukihira.

             ...Why does love hurt so much?

             Why didn’t he fall in love with me?

             Why didn’t he go with me when I told him that I had to go home?

             Why didn’t he want to?

             Is it me?

             Is it my personality?

             Looks?

             Cooking abilities?

             ...My life?

             Blinking away the few tears that rolled down her face, she looked up at the moon and for the first time in her life, cursed it.

             After all.

Suns want galaxies filled with stars.

             They want excitement, adventure.

             They want long days of nothing but joy.

             They want to get down to business and kick its ass.

             They want to achieve their destinies.

             They want perfection.

             They want endless possibilities.

             They want…

             They need…

             They need not moons.

             And that’s what she was.

             A moon.

(-_-)

To be totally honest, I was in a mood while writing this and just wanted to be emotionally wrecked by one of my OTPs. I have been out of the writing game for a while now (I blame school, bills, and my laziness) and really only resort to writing bits and pieces of things when I need an outlet for stress. This came about three months ago when I stayed up late the week before spring break (my fellow students of any age can relate to thE NEED FOR PAPERS AND DEADLINES THAT MAKES UP THE HELL BEFORE ANY EXTENDED “BREAK”) and left it simmering in my google.docs since then. I recently have been trying to get back into the writing game and decided to polish this up as both as practice and an experiment.

As for if there’s any fallow up story, as of now; no. I only write like this when I’m in one of my moods and usually my other stories are in 3rd person so trying to recreate this style is hard and that’s how I would right a sequel.

All in all, I hope you enjoyed and any feed back would be awesome!

[reformedkingsmanagent]

Something More

AN: I wanted to write something that was a bit fluffier than normal so here goes! Hope you enjoy it and it somehow makes sense??

Prompt: None/Myself

Pairing: Charlie x reader

Word Count: 2237

Warnings: NSFW 

“Hey.”

You heard Charlie greet you as you set foot in the apartment. You looked for him and spotted him looking over his shoulder with a smile as he sat on the couch, controller in his hands. You noted the take-out on the table in front of him. Half of the food was opened and it was clear he had eaten, but the other half was untouched, waiting for you. You smiled.

“I got you dinner,” he gestured to the food. He moved on to another topic as if him getting you food was the simplest thing in the world. If only he knew how much you had been thinking about dinner on the way home. You had been forced to stay late to meet your deadlines after someone else called out. He was always thinking of you. “I tried to get through this level, but I don’t know how you did it last time. They always see me!” He was talking a mile a minute about the game and you continued to listen as you set your things down by the door. You stepped out of your shoes, still listening to his small rant, and shrugged off your coat. “I feel like it could be a glitch or something, because I’ve watched someone else play through it and they aren’t having this problem.” You made your way over to the couch and took a seat beside him. He set the controller down and turned a little to face you as he continued to talk.

You appreciated his enthusiasm but you also missed him after the day you had. You reached up and pulled his face down to yours, sharing a soft kiss. “Hello to you too.” He chuckled. “Sorry, you know I get like this when I haven’t been able to talk to you all day. I already told you to quit your job.” He leaned back in and captured your mouth in a much hotter kiss, leaving you thinking about skipping dinner.

“As nice as that would be, you know I can’t do that Charlie.” You had discussed this with him at length. He was always understanding, but it didn’t prevent him from making his desires known.

“Well what about if we were to start a family?” You froze.

“...What?”

“I mean...I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about it lately— no pressure, don’t worry.” He had a smile on his face as he brushed off the seriousness of what he was saying. You could see the nerves in the way he avoided making eye contact. He picked up the controller and unpaused the game, the sounds of gunfire from the tv filling the apartment and getting rid of the silence as you processed what he was asking for. It seemed he was done discussing it.

You hadn’t really talked about it much, but now that he brought it up, you would be lying if you said you weren’t ready for it. It felt like the logical next step. He reached over with his metal hand and gave your knee a gentle squeeze, his eyes showing his concern. “Eat your food. We can discuss this later.” He sent you a reassuring smile before returning to his game.

***

You hadn’t meant to let it slip out, you were usually too lost in the sensation of him filling you to form words, but it happened. “Oh, god, just like that—” You quickly looked down to see Charlie’s reaction. You would’ve been embarrassed at the pornstar-quality moan that accompanied your praise, but you noticed Charlie’s cheeks turn pink. His grip on your hips tightened as you continued to ride him, the metal fingers gripping a little tighter than his fleshy ones. You rewarded him with a roll of your hips and he moaned loudly.

“I love hearing you,” he confessed. His blush deepened and the frequency of his thrusts increased. His hands left your hips and smoothed down your arms, his fingers lacing between yours.

“You like it when I praise you, huh?” You grinned. He held your hands in his, out and away from your body, as he continued to thrust up into you. He let a smile spread across his face and you could tell he was a little flustered. Without his hands to anchor you, you adjusted, bringing your hips down as he thrust up.

“Maybe,” he grunted, his eyes travelling down your body to watch him moving in and out of you. You could see the concentration in his face. He bit his lip. He was getting close.

“Oh, Charlie, right there, fuck, just like that—” You had only moments ago discovered his joy at receiving positive feedback and you were more than happy to provide it. You could definitely get on board with that. He grunted and you watched his body tense as his hips bucked up, every muscle flexed as he filled you with warmth. He didn’t breathe until it was over, finally releasing a choked gasp.

You were seconds away from your own orgasm and he knew. He sat up and laid you flat on your back, continuing his thrusts with renewed urgency. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down over you, and crushed your lips against his as he ground his hips down into you. He went harder and faster than before, the sound of your skin smacking together louder than your panting. He reached down between the two of you and his fingers found your clit, massaging the sensitive bundle of nerves there, sending jolts of pleasure down your legs. You felt intense pressure building low in your abdomen just before you spasmed around him, your strangled cries filling the room as each wave passed. You relaxed once it was over, feeling utterly spent but satisfied.

He settled over you for a moment, pressing tender kisses to your neck. “I love you,” he spoke into your skin. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, moving it out of his face as he moved up to kiss your swollen lips. “So fucking much.”

“I love you too,” you whispered, holding his face in your hands. His blue eyes looked at you in wonder. It wasn’t something you would ever get used to. He constantly looked at you as if you were a goddess, something you would never say when describing yourself. But for a moment in his arms, you could almost believe it.

He stole another series of kisses before finally getting up, his cock sliding out of you despite your body’s efforts to hold on. He retreated to the bathroom and you heard the sink running for a bit before it was shut off. He walked over, warm washcloth in his left hand. His chest and neck were still visibly flushed. “Sorry for the mess,” he winked. He wasn’t. You watched him as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over to reach you. You felt him smooth the cloth up the inside of your thighs before wiping away the fluids that had accumulated between your legs. He also took the time to press a soft kiss to the skin of your thigh, soothing the irritation from earlier. He had rubbed his beard across the insides of your thighs after you shamelessly begged for it.

He wiped himself off and tossed the cloth away. Before laying back down he reached for the arm and you set a hand on his thigh, making him pause. “Let me help.” You sat up for a moment to help him, catching him looking at the love bites on your chest. He grinned as you blushed. He held out the metal arm and you dutifully twisted it enough to get it to release. He took it from you, leaning in to kiss you before setting the arm down on the dresser and returning to bed.

He got under the covers and turned so he was facing you, studying you. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” He asked. You always had a difficult time accepting these kinds of compliments, finding them to be hard to believe or embellished. “I don’t know how I’ve convinced you to stay with me for so long, but I definitely don’t deserve you.”

You thought back to when you first met him, remembering how short his hair had been compared to now, how you had to earn his trust before he would even talk to you about himself. How quickly you fell for him.

“Charlie, that’s not at all true.” You scooted closer and rested a hand on his cheek. “You know how much I love you.”

“And I’m still amazed every day that I get to wake up with you in my arms—well, arm,” he corrected himself with a cheeky grin. He moved over you and rested his head on your chest, his left arm circling your waist. You felt him slide a leg over yours and he adjusted himself as he prepared for sleep. “Thank you for loving me.”

You felt that familiar warmth blossoming in your chest. He took care of you so well and he looked out for you. You tried to do the same for him. You reached up and smoothed a hand over his arm that was wrapped around you. You felt him press his face into your neck. “You’re so good to me,” you sighed. You ran a finger from the middle of his back up to his neck, hand sliding up further to play with his soft hair. You felt his thumb rub your side calmly. “You really want a baby?” You asked. His hand stilled.

“I-I mean, yeah…But I can understand it if you don’t want to—” You knew why he was hesitating to just say it. He was still stuck on his past, but he wasn’t that person anymore. You personally saw that change.

“Charlie, you’re a human being, you’re allowed to want children.” He didn’t respond, not at first. You wondered if you had been too blunt about it.

He sat up and wiped at his face. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. You sat up, immediately concerned. Your hands smoothed over his shoulders, and he looped his arm around you, pulling you up into his lap. He pressed a firm kiss to your temple and tucked your head under his chin. “I didn’t realize it until you said it.” His voice was thick with emotion. “Wow.”

You turned and buried your face in his chest, wishing he didn’t have to carry this around with him, wishing he could accept fully that he was different, that he was giving, loving, that he wasn’t a monster. You did what you could to remind him of that, but clearly on a deeper level it was still there. Your heart ached for him. You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he wiped at his face again. “You manage to get me to forget about everything and I feel like a new person, but this...this is bringing it all back up for me. I’ll straighten this out, I promise.”

“Don’t apologize.” You kissed his warm skin.

“I’m sor—” He laughed at himself, taking in a deep breath. “Okay.”

***

You watched him in the mirror as he fussed over his hair, his towel still slung low around his hips. You swore he would stay naked unless someone forced him to get dressed. He caught you watching and dropped his hands, his cheeks turning pink. You winked at him and he grinned.

You returned to your own hair, fingers braiding your hair as precisely as you could manage. “Let me.” You waited as he stepped up close behind you, hands taking the strands you were holding. He went slowly, concentrating on keeping it neat and not getting any strands stuck in the moving parts of his bionic hand.

“Thank you, Charlie.” He smiled, keeping his eyes on your hair. You sighed as your phone’s alarm started going off on the counter. You reached up and silenced it. You pulled your makeup bag into your lap, going through it before you pulled out the small green plastic case. You kept it in your hands, studying it. You felt him tie off the braid and move to get started on the other side but he paused. You looked up at him in the mirror and saw him staring at the green case in your hands.

“Here goes nothing,” you muttered to yourself, tossing the case in the garbage can tucked under the sink. You couldn't keep the smile off of your face. He pretended like he hadn’t watched you do that and instead focused all his attention on braiding the other half of your hair. You reached behind you and rubbed a comforting hand on the outside of his thigh over the towel. He leaned down, his fingers still tangled in your hair, and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“You’re really good at that,” you gestured to your hair. It definitely looked better than when you tried to do it. He reached over your shoulder for the elastic on the counter and tied off the other braid, leaning down to wrap his arms around your shoulders.

“Thank you.” You knew he was thanking you for more than just the compliment on his handiwork. “Thank you.”

[thirstyfortom]

18C Apartment

I don’t usually write Vanderwood, but I had this idea and decided to give it a shot on writing a little fluff with glimpses of angst with him. Hope you guys like this!^^^

Vanderwood x MC

Fluff/Angst-ish

This is boring. Staking out is usually the most exhausting part of a mission, not because it involves effort, much on the contraire: there is no effort. Nothing happens, it’s boring.

Vanderwood sighs deeply as he takes another look in his binnacles once more. Nothing suspicious, just like all the other times he checked before. Ugh… why doesn’t this guy just start doing something shady already?

It’s hard to admit, but this would be way less boring if this wasn’t a solo mission. Agent 596 usually has some interesting stories from when he used to work for the government, agent 97 has some interesting gadgets like that lipstick pistol she loves to show off. Agent 707 would probably be making weird jokes and comments if he were here now. Weird and entertaining enough to get him out of his boredom, at least.

Seriously, if this had come to the point he misses 707’s quirks, it’s because this mission isn’t going anywhere. Is this guy really suspicious? He’s not doing anything for the last 8 hours, how can a lazy idiot like this be in charge of a scoop involving the police?

Vanderwood watches as the guy stretches in his chair and starts typing on his laptop. Oh… fucking finally! Some action here! Hum, not really, the guy is just looking for porn. For fuck’s sake!

It’s so quiet in the apartment that the sound of his stomach rumbling almost echoes in the tiny living room. Well, better grab some food before his hunger starts distracting him from his goal. Vanderwood gets up his chair and turns his back to the window. His reflexes send an immediate response as a figure falls from the top of the window, making him turn his head. He hears a metallic thud as something falls on the emergency stairs.

An attack? No, it can’t be, the guy couldn’t have noticed him. And even if he had, it would be really foolish of him to do something in a place where his neighbors and the ones in the building in front of his could see something.

And as he pulls his head out of the window to see a shattered vase with dirt falling over a bunch of yellow flowers, Vanderwood knows that there is no possibility of this being an attack, which doesn’t make him less curious on where did it come from.

“Shit! Are you alright?” he hears a female voice coming from above.

He looks up to find a woman looking at him. Concern and fear cross her eyes while she covers her mouth with her hands.

“Did it hit you?”

“If it had, I would be passed out, don’t you think?” She uncovers her mouth, and as he sees her curled lips, he almost regrets being rude. She looks legitimately concerned, and this was clearly an accident, no need for him to get so angry. “I’m okay.”

“Ah, I’m so glad.” She sighs in relief, giving him a little smile. “I’m really sorry, I was just watering the plants and this one was too close to the edge.”

“Why are you watering plants right now?” his question surprises even himself. Why would he care for the time she decides to water her plants?

“I know the best hour is in the morning. I just didn’t have the time today.” Why would she even care to answer him? Oh, maybe she is just polite. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay.”

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t, this vase could really hit someone, but he didn’t want her to keep feeling guilty, no, he just wanted her to stop apologizing and leaving him alone.

“So, uhm… can I get my flowers back?”

“What?”

“I can put them on another vase. Which apartment is yours?” Oh no… was she really considering to come here?

“No! I… I’ll take them to you. Which apartment is yours?” he spits the question back.

“Oh, that’s very sweet, but you don’t have to. I…”

“If mine is 17B, yours should be…” he looks down to count the floors and to the sides to count the apartments. “18C.”

“Yes!” she smiles sweetly, making him feel really amused at how surprised she got. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t answer, he needs to be quick! His target can start moving and… the flowers can die… no, but his priority is still his target! Vanderwood grabs a plastic cup and leans on the window to gather the dirt and the flowers. Before he leaves, he splashes some water on them. Better safe than sorry, right?

He rings the doorbell and listens to her unlocking the chain and turning the knob. She smiles sweetly as he holds the cup with the flowers. For a moment, he can imagine this as one of those moments when a boyfriend surprises her girlfriend with flowers at her door. Ugh… what is he thinking? This is stupid, and the flowers would have to be way bigger…

“Thank you!” she takes the cup from his hand , her nails touch his fingers lightly.

“It’s fine.” He looks away, scratching the back of his head. The flowers would have to be bigger, but the smile from the girlfriend would be as cute as hers right now… “ Chrysanthemums?” he asks, pointing at the flowers. What is he doing? He has a mission!

“Coreopsis. The name doesn’t do justice to their beauty. Coreopsis… doesn’t it sound like a name of a disease or something?”

“I guess. If you hear the word out of context, you would never think it’s the name of a flower.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Her smile is replaced by a surprised face when both of them hear his stomach rumbling again. God… so embarrassing! “Oh… I’m sorry, I think I interrupted your dinner…”

Could it be that his hunger is already making him get distracted? No, it’s her niceness that is distracting him, for sure. And even though he knows it’s wrong, he can’t stop wanting to see more of it.

He says that’s fine, that’s the only thing he feels like answering to her. She glances at inside her own apartment, then at him. “Wait here.” She says walking back inside.

He takes it as a chance to look at her home. It looks pretty neat, way better than the cold apartment below he rented. It could be even worse if he hadn’t clean it a little before starting his mission, but it doesn’t matter how much he cleans, it would never look as cozy and warm as the 18C.

“Here. As a thanking for bringing me my flowers.” She offers a plate with a slice of pie on it.

“No, you don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t. I just want to.” Wow, so assertive, who knew such a sweet woman could be firm like this? Well, if she insists… he takes the plate from her, their fingers touching slightly once again.

“The plate…?”

“You can give me back tomorrow. Don’t worry.” He nods, so sure that tomorrow he won’t be here anymore.

And he was right, turns out that he gathered some information in the middle of the night. If his deadline was a little longer, maybe he could wait until the morning to give her the plate, but it wasn’t the case. Well, at least he could keep the plate to remember how good the pie tasted. He felt ridiculous for thinking it, but the pie tasted as sweet as her smile… the smile that didn’t leave his mind not even a week later, when the boss asked him to go “encourage” Agent Seven to finish his work, the guy was really slow that time…

“Oh! You’re back, Mary! I was wondering when you were going to show up!” Agent Seven greets him, ignoring his glare for having to go through his crazy security system.

“What can I do? When your dirty clothes start turning into a mountain, I need to come so you will focus on your job. Are you done with the Indonesian case?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m almost there. Just chill, Mary.”

He can’t chill, not when this irresponsible prick is clearly lying on his face! What is he even doing looking at this camera with so much focus?

“What are you even doing?”

“Me? Oh, just some RFA matters.” Vanderwood stretches to see over Seven’s shoulder. It’s a security footage, and there’s a girl on it.

No, not just any girl. The flowers girl.

He tries to be discreet gathering the pieces of clothing spread all around the bunker, but his eyes keep coming back to Seven’s computer. What’s happening? It doesn’t look like the 18C apartment, so where is she? Agent Seven said this had to do with the organization he works aside… so she’s a part of this too? But why is she being watched? Did she do something wrong? Or worse… is she in danger?

“Something wrong, Mary?”

“”What? No, don’t be ridiculous! Just finish your job, agent!” he basically ignores him as he glues his eyes on the screen again, watching as the flowers girl is lying on a couch and reading. Yeah, it must be hard not to pay attention at this…

He charges the taser. He is here to make sure the younger agent finish his job properly and don’t get distracted. Well, this distraction is really tempting, but… life is hard.

It’s very hard, especially because he researched and found that coreopsis, despite of their dreadful name, represent joy, something that people like Agent 707 and himself can never have.