#wow shocking news: men have always loved men

[hai7ani]

i know you may have been busy lately, more so considering you got a job and congratulations on that!!

but i reallyyy need to ask for a fluff rindou one crying bc of how utterly gorgeous his wife looked on their wedding day and getting all shy around her after the wedding for days because he’s got a like crush on his own wife

you don’t HAVEEEE TOOO, it’s on you to do it:33and if you’ll do it then take your time bbg, no worries here :b

Rindou hasn't always been a very vocal person.

He's reserved and he doesn't speak a lot unless he's pissed or he just has to answer a question directed at him. It's not that he's selective when it comes to talking 一 he just doesn't know what to say and what even is there to say. But he speaks smoothly to you when he calls you at work in the middle of the day, he speaks clear with his family to plan for cake and coffee, he speaks mumbling to your cat sometimes when she's magically made her way onto his shoulder and sitting there while watching him prep her meal like a curious little bird.

He's weird in a way that you find endearing all the time. He likes collecting Legos that he proudly displays in one little corner of the house even though he's almost 35 and he enjoys giving unsolicited commentary on how stupid and blinded by love the main lead is (who happens to be your favourite) on the sappy romcoms you like watching on Friday nights after work just to see your nostrils flare before chewing his ear off on why the main lead just did what they did. He eats his food like he's just trying to get it over with and he lets hamburger sauce drip all over the table, yet he always wipes your mouth when he sees steak sauce leaking out the corner of your mouth.

Lately his new weird habit is following you around the house. He likes to stand behind you quietly and you'd knock into his chest or step on his toes after giving you a shock. It pisses you off because you don't want to accidentally hurt him if you were in the kitchen handling hot water or is holding something sharp. But he kisses your frown away and continues doing it until you slowly get used to him showing up behind you all of a sudden.

He's also been really annoying about his appearance lately. He keeps getting you to dye his hair black again and again (like, every end of the week when the black fades because he keeps washing his hair everyday) over the sink because his greys are coming out and he makes you trim his hair too while you're at it. He's been spending a lot of time shopping for cologne and browsing through Zara Men because you mentioned once the Jo Malone sample he sprayed on a few weeks ago when he ran out of other perfumes smelled really nice on him and wow, this K-Pop idol's fashion sense is so neat.

Today the ring on your finger feels a little bit heavier than usual and you phone him sobbing to come back as soon as he can. He comes home with fried chicken and heat pads and he drops it all on the ground when he finds you cocooned in your blanket on the ground watching Corpse Bride. "I feel so bad for Emily." You're crying to him the minute he takes off his shoes and he sighs in exasperation when you keep replaying the same scene where Victor was yelling at Emily. "Fucking Victor again." He joins you in your cocoon shortly after showering really quickly and switches the movie to The Notebook instead because he knows you still haven't cried enough today. The fried chicken is soggy and your tears won't stop and he's nothing but patient and sweet when he pats on your back and letting you wet his shirt with what even you can recognise as hearts in his eyes.

"I just missed you a lot today." You blow your nose, noisy and hiccuping into your handkerchief. "Me too." It's really soft when it's murmured into your neck and it's almost as if he is the one who'd phoned for you to cone home and hug with him.

"You see me everyday." You jab a finger into his chest and he flinches. "What? I can't miss you but you can?"

"You can, yes." The scene pops up in your head again and you laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Remember? You were crying just like me on our wedding一"

"Oh, shut up. That was months ago一 ages ago."

"Me shut up? Look at you, you're still acting like we got married yesterday. Look at how tight you're hugging me. You're like 29 again at our first date following me around the DVD store. What was it again? You liked my perfume? I asked if you liked me too and you got so red. And, as if you don't always look at me now like you wanna一"

You see YouTube appearing on screen and he's typing in Thai advertisements一

"Stop!" You try snatching the remote away from his hand but he's quicker and a video is already playing.

"You're less annoying when you cry."

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Oh, well. Your husband's weird like that anyway. And you match him just fine.

Wrote something a little different than what was asked but here it isssssss he's more of a loser husband than a shy husband here ☹️☹️☹️ i love him so much

[spaghettixdemon]

J Stands for more words than one PT.1

“While introducing his new girlfriend to the team, JJ is automatically confronted with her feelings for Spencer when they begin to get in the way of things"

DISCLAIMER You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Minors do not interact. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Warnings: Drinking/Drunkenness, P in V, getting freaky in a car, fighting, slight mentions of death, Jealousy??

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F! Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

This was originally in my Google Doc but I seem to have lost access to it :( SO I am re-writing it! (I will definitely add more chapters bc omg this is long)

part 2 here | part 2.5 here | part 3 here

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"Alright anndd finally done!" Emily turned to JJ, clapping her hands together and beaming. Today was a paperwork day, and everyone had been working until the late hours. "These reports are killing me...I've been on the same one the majority of the day..." JJ spoke to Emily with a sigh and a slight smirk playing on her lips. Yes, JJ had been stuck on the same case most of the day, but it wasn't just the amount of work, no. That wasn't the only reason her day was moving so slowly.

Right across from her desk, in perfect view, was Spencer Reid- their little resident genius. His legs were crossed in his office chair, his curly hair fell in front of his eyes, and his long, slender fingers traced down the written report, scanning every word and spreading it within seconds effortlessly. JJ had always been close with Spencer- because of their tight-knit team, their ages, and of course, the butterflies she would get around him. They were the two closets in age at the BAU, so maybe that was part of the reasoning behind her crush, but honestly, she just thought he was very attractive.

So earlier today, when Spencer was talking on his phone nonstop, JJ was confused. Spencer was not a fan of technology, thinking back on how it took Spencer literal years to finally sign up for an email address. So, whatever was keeping Spencer on speed dial on the other line clearly didn't bother him too much. JJ would sneak glances towards her coworker hourly, taking in his body language and how he seemed to be head over heels. He would fidget and spin in his office chair as someone talked to him, he had a faint blush on his cheeks, and a smile plastered on his face. In all actuality, she'd never seen Spencer look so dopey- maybe he truly was just happy right now, but the emotions on his face surprised her.

"Hey lover-boy, what's going on over here?" JJ shot her head down, burying her face in her work. It was Derek who popped the question already on JJ's mind. Derek crossed his arms and leaned against Spencer's desk as Spencer looked up at Derek. Rolling his eyes and hanging up the phone, Spencer set the phone down on his desk. "Was that a girl on the other end of the line? I don't think I've ever seen you so happy to pick up a call at work." Both men laughed as Spencer grew a little quiet, sheepishly shrugging. "I mean- yeah, actually, you're right for once." Spencer laughed as an expression of excitement and shock plastered onto Derek's. "Wow really?" He laughed, a little in disbelief "Congrats man! That's awesome!"

JJ watched as the two guys hugged and discussed Spencer's new girlfriend. Weirdly, JJ felt a pang in her chest of embarrassment...or more like frustration. Why? She wasn't sure. JJ could read anyone within minutes, but she could never read her own emotions that well.

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Days had passed, and work was pretty much back to normal. Normal meaning JJ wasn't constantly hearing about Spencer's new girlfriend, who he adored so much. It was cute, yeah, and she did feel happy for the man and his newfound love, but it would get pretty repetitive after a while. Derek and Penelope, in particular, would not let up on the subject. It was cute when Penelope giggled and twirled her hair when asking about this girl, but the way Spencer would drop information on her so easily was frustrating.

Penelope beamed, ecstatic over all this new news. Then, looking at Derek, she gasped and clapped her hands together. "You should bring her here! We could all meet her it would be so nice..!" Spencer looked a little uneasy. The few times his relationship did start getting this serious, work would interfere and often kill the relationship. Though, Derek backed up Penelope and agreed it would be fun.

"I don't know guys...That might be a little intense..." JJ heard this and thought over the idea in her head. Meeting the girl Spencer was so enamored by might be interesting...to say the least. She looked up and smiled at the three talking. "No Spence you should totally bring her in! I want to meet this girl!" Spencer gave JJ a hesitant look, visibly thinking over the interaction in his head. He slowly smiled and rolled his eyes, looking at the three before him. "Ok Ok..I'll bring up the idea and if she's cool with it, I'll bring her here next Friday"

Penelope and Derek cheered while JJ sat there, smiling quietly. She clapped her hands together and sighed "Amazing! I can't wait".

-----------------------------------------------------

The week that followed that conversation wasn't a pleasant one. The team had traveled out of state to work on a pretty gruesome case- Spencer, in particular, had a rough time during the case. He should be used to the horrible feelings that came with the job, but it was never really easy dealing with death so often.

The team had thankfully made it back to base Friday, and everyone was exhausted. They spent the day quietly filling out paperwork and trying to unwind as they worked into the early hours of the night. Around 7pm, Spencer got a call. JJ noticed this in particular because of how eager he was to answer the phone. A small smile appeared on his face, and the faint blush was back. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, hanging up the call with a simple goodbye.

Spencer looked around at his friends as the smile on his face grew. "My Girlfriend is apparently downstairs in the lobby! ...I was thinking of bringing her up is everyone ok with that?" The office was suddenly filled with energy again, and everyone seemed to wake up. JJ in particular, shot her head up and looked at Spencer, a little shocked. She had completely forgotten this would be happening...She made eye contact with Spencer and looked a little hesitant as she spoke up. "um...yeah that would be great..!"

"Yes, PLEASE bring her up! I need some fun to distract me from all this work." Penelope popped her head out of her office as she spoke to Spencer. Spencer looked a little confused by what JJ had said but smiled and nodded anyway. He slowly made his way towards the elevator, a bit of pep in his step.

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Everyone in the office had quickly wrapped up what they had been working on and made their way to the office cubicles to meet this girl Spencer was so into. Penelope pulled up a chair next to JJ and beamed. "Are you excited to meet her?" JJ...still felt very conflicted. Just earlier that week, when they had been solving the case, She was staying in the hotel room next to Spencer's. She thought about how she ran into him shirtless and wearing sweatpants. He apologized and made his way inside his room, but she felt so conflicted.

She wasn't upset that he was shirtless...definitely not...but something about getting caught off guard like that made her blush. She remembered the feeble nerd she used to work with. He was in his mid-twenties and looked so new to the BAU world. Now, the man she saw earlier that week and today was a bit different. He had toughened up more and was a bit more muscular- not to a Derek level, but he definitely wasn't feeble anymore.

"Something like that" JJ mumbled to Penelope, a faint blush on her face. Penelope was about to question JJ, just as an elevator 'dinging' noise saved her. Everyone's attention was on the elevator and who was inside.

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[newkatzkafe2023]

Do Burning Spice Cookie!reader next!

BUFF MOMMY SUPREME

Bored.....So Bored-Burning spice cookie

(Lmk Wukong) Oh goodness the way your acting caused him a bit of grief when he met you for the first time, destroying everything in your path. Like he was Impusive and hyperactive but you.....your on a totally different level of property damage. When Wukong chats with you finally during your sparring sessions...which is just you wailing on him and Wukong trying not to get a boner. He learns your destructive behavior is caused by your bordem...wow. However Wukong learned to be patient with you and help you channel your destructive behavior into fun games you both love to play

(MKR Wukong) He and the pilgrims found you rampaging across some villages with your army. They were surprised to see it was a freakishly tall female causing trouble in the Village, and Wukong was dumbfounded and slightly turned on. Even more so when he went to stop you but you made quick work of him, when you quickly yeeted him so hard he crashed into two houses and a tea shop. Boi was Wukong officially in love an his other "Staff" shot right up at your strength and destruction. You were so wild and violent and Wukong was all for that, you both shared a lust for battle and would get into trouble and cause destruction together. Eventually Wukong stared courting you with plans for marriage, and you accepted him in your burning heartbeat.

(NR Wukong) Their were two things Wukong saw on you that caused his other "Staff" to shoot up and pluse in arousel a HUGE pair of G Cup tits and the second thing he saw was your MASSIVE Biceps. I mean how can he not, you are so much taller then him and everybody around you, it became a shock when you saw Wukong practically sprint to you flirting like the wind. When you both started dating your life became far from boring, always dragging you out late at night going to clubs, racing tracks, and practically showing you everything donghai had to offer. You were greatly entertained by Wukong and your adventures together, good news is your not bored anymore the bad news is your stuck with a hyperactive monkey who never fails to simp for you.

(HIB Wukong) My god, he would get various types of migraines from your constant challenges and the antics you would bring, and the fact that you commit acts of violence just because your ass was bored....forget about it. You tend to give Wukong deja vu because he remembers his master having to pull him away when he's about to cause trouble, as he now does the same to you. Unfortunately he does that alot because you tend to get bored very easily and therefore go on various rampages and destroying things, Wukong was at his wits end with you and was so frustrated he decided to give you a new......form of.....entertainment 🧡 Word of advice i think you should stock up on pregnancy tests........and maybe not tell the other 4 beasts about Wukong.........At least not yet.

(Netflix Wukong) OHHHHHHHHH LORD ALMIGHTY😨😨😨😰😰😰!!!!!!! YOU AND HIM TOGETHER MAKES EVERYBODY IN THE HEAVEN ACTIVELY SH*T THEMSELVES. Wukong was immediately and madly in love with you and the Destruction and strength, and became clingy to you. At first it was annoying but you changed your opinion rather Quickly when you found that your husband can cause just as much destruction as you and that's makes you chuckle and join in. You both were a match made in hell as you join forces, to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies and terrorize the celestial realm with your strength and bloodlust. At the end of the day Wukong adores his burning spice cookie, and he wouldn't have it any other way making you blush lightly.

(BMW Wukong) You both met a bit before the celestial war, his sworn brothers were having a pre- celebratory drinking party together. That's when Wukong saw you for the first time, a giant buff female monkey demanding to join the war, and laid waste and cause destruction across the warzone. The men laughed mockingly, but Wukong decided to give you a chance and allowed you to spar with him....that's his first mistake because the next thing he knew, he was lying in a crater beaten and battered his armor completely destroyed. However even when everybody shook in fear as you cackled like a psycho, Wukong looked up at you with heart eyes and his tall stiff "staff" shooting up out of his pants. With that he was more then happy to have you help in the celestial war while taking his time to win your heart, even when you both lost the war you remained by him as you told him you joined the war out of boredom and with you not fitting in with the woman of your time. Though Wukong wouldn't change a thing about you, not one bit🥰

(Destined one) You are definitely a handful for the Destined one to handle but it's never an inconvenience. You both met when the Destined one was fighting a celestial called Yellowbrow and was struggling a bit, until something huge came down from the sky and crushed part of his spine. This left him in shock as he watched you effortlessly destroy the other celestial, and that made the Destined one blush lightly at your deranged laugher as you always loved a good fight. Then you both officially introduced yourselves and started a steady relationship over time. The Destined one honestly thinks it's adorable how you would complain and whine about being bored and waiting to cause some destruction to kill time. He would just shake his head and smile at you as you both chat.

(Lotmk Wukong) He thought you were the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, even with everyone thinking you're a large brute. Wukong felt you were misunderstood, and learning that you cause destruction out of boredom just proves that further. So Wukong made sure to bring you on patrol just to keep you from getting in trouble with the monk. Which is good sometimes because you would run into demon bandits, thugs and other tribes and getting the thrill of destroying them all in battle. Wukong adores you became you can act a bit sweet to him, while looking intimidating and ferocious to everyone else. He can't love you enough😉

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG🔥

[omisubi]

𓂅 SIDELINES — M. OSAMU

plot : You’re a model in Tokyo’s limelight that is crushing on your best friend’s brother. Except, your usual charm doesn’t work on the impassive cook.

contains: fluff, comedy, reader lacking flirting skills, osamu playing hard to get, atsumu being atsumu, 1.3k words.

.

.

.

Cameras seem to love you.

It’s what Osamu thinks when he sees you on the cover of yet another magazine that piles on top of many others. He turns on the restaurant’s TV and then there you are again on Japan’s Entertainment News. And there’s his brother right next to you.

You and Atsumu were notorious best friends. There were numerous photographs of the both of you at exclusive parties, always dressed to the nines, promoting whatever popular brand.

Of course, just like everyone, Osamu thought you were pretty. Gorgeous. Whatever. He believes you are most definitely annoying. Because who hangs out with Atsumu that much? He did it for eighteen years and he barely made it out alive and you’re voluntarily doing it? You’re insane for sure.

He’s made an effort to know more about your relationship with his brother. Dropping subtle asks to Atsumu like so I’ve seen you on the news with that model. New girlfriend? but oddly enough, Atsumu talks about you like a friend. A good one, at that. To Osamu’s surprise, Atsumu has said the words she’s like my sister.

So, there it was. His opinion of you: indifferent. Yet, there he was, finding himself freezing up when you walked into his store with a million dollar smile as you end your conversation with someone on the phone.

He tells himself its just shock so his calm demeanor comes back when you reach the counter.

When he looks up at you, you’re freezing up. He’s really.... handsome. Of course, he has the same face as Atsumu, but it’s different? Osamu’s confidence is calmly exuded, in contrast to Atsumu’s. His dark hair frames his face nicely under the cap. Wow, is all you’re thinking. His biceps flex as he reaches the tablet at the cashier. That black fitted shirt makes you wonder if half the customers come in just for him, just to stay for both the man and his good food.

“Miss?” The girl at the cashier is looking at you with a concerned expression. You realize you should be speaking, rather than ogling.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I—“

“Hana, could you take the trash out before you leave? I’ll make the order and close.”

“Sure.” She smiles at him, before eyeing you.

“What would ya like?” He asks you. And he almost sounds annoyed. Maybe because it’s a little late. Atsumu did warn you to not come this late, but your shoot just finished and you were starving.

You muster up the courage and with your most charming smile, you say, “Your number.” When it comes out of your mouth, you realize you might just be spending too much time with Atsumu, accidentally picking up his lack of flirting skills. Osamu stares at you. Confused. Unimpressed. So, you abruptly add, “3.” Cough. “Your number 3.. and a cup of green tea, please.”

He gives a nod before registering your cash in and you stand there to dwell on your humiliation.

As Osamu prepares your order he finds himself feeling a little smug because— Wow, you really have no game for someone with a face like that. It could be fun teasing you.

So, he does just that. Every time you come, he gets to play hard-to-get. He finds himself looking forward to Thursday nights. It’s the one day a week you consistently come. He gets to sees why you and Atsumu are friends. You both are somewhat the same, in most aspects. But first, you both are competent in everything but flirting. He gets to see that you’re pretty cute, blushing in front of him like he’s the celebrity.

You, on the other hand, are not having fun. Getting rejected was taking a toll on you. So this is what it’s like to pursue men? Your ego was deflating. Not only do you think Osamu doesn’t like you, you think Hana doesn’t either. Neither of them seemed to enjoy packing your three large orders of onigiri for your management team. They just seemed bothered and inconvenienced for the most part.

You grow sick of it, and it’s evident at your next shoot.

“Are ya sad he rejected you?” Atsumu asks, mocking your evident gloom. You’ve both just finished an athletic gear ad. “Buy tickets to my game. It’ll make ya feel better.”

You roll your eyes. “Nice pitch. But, no. I’m actually feeling rather ill,” you tell him.

It’s Atsumu’s turn to roll his eyes. “Get rejected once and suddenly you’re ill?”

You huff. “Heartbreak is a very serious thing.”

He chuckles. “Sure.”

His amusement doesn’t last long, because he realizes when another model comes in to take your place at the next shoot, that you really might have gone down with something. As an apology for brushing your health off (he realizes how important it is from being with Sakusa all the time), he sends the person he trusts most to you. The person just so happens to be the best at making great soup, too.

Osamu shows up to your apartment, awkward and nervous. He doesn’t know why he agreed too eagerly, even Atsumu had caught it. He could hear the smugness through the phone. But the truth is he missed you. Missed seeing your overly cheery self. Missed seeing you blush every time you two made eye contact in silence.

“Oh!” You smile, surprised but pleased to see him. Yeah, he missed seeing that smile too.“Hi.”

“Hey.” He puts a hand up to your forehead. “You’re burning up. I made you some soup.”

He watches the way your eyes light up, gasping as you look into the bag.

“Really?” When you peer into the plastic bag, you realize there’s two sets of everything. There is more than just soup. You look up to see him looking down, nervously shifting his feet.

“Can I… come in?”

.

.

You watch as Osamu heats up his fresh food and uses whatever scraps you have in your kitchen to prepare a proper meal.

“Are you going to feed me too?” You ask once you both are seated, utensils he took the liberty to set, amused to tease him. Before he can sputter out a retort, “Just kidding. Thank you. Really. And I’m sorry about bothering you the past few weeks. Your food is really good.”

Osamu raises a brow. Bother? You?

“You’re not—“

The microwave beeps.

“It’s done!” You say, excited to get some freshly made, hot food into your system.

The both of you spend the evening together, at your kitchen island. It’s terribly domestic, Osamu realizes, but he doesn’t mind. You both share stories. He learns that you’re not only a great friend to Atsumu, you’re a great person too. He respects the way you explain your career; that it’s not just about the serotonin from seeing your face on billboards and walls, it’s also about traveling and connecting with people. He likes the way you laugh, leaning into him like you’re sharing an intimate moment. He thinks you can make anyone feel at home, just being near you. He understands the draw of it all. Even on photo… he gets it; your allure. It’s the moneymaker all on its own.

“Thank you again.” You say as you walk him to the door.

“It was no problem.” I want to see you again. “See ya Thursday?”

You laugh. “Actually, you’ll be finally catch a break from me. I’m going out of town for a job soon.”

Osamu stops, turning to you. “Oh?”

You nod. “Yeah, for a week or two…”

He steps closer to you, causing you to slow your thinking. He puts a hand to your forehead. The cool of his skin making contact with yours sends you into a frenzy. “Sorry. My mom used to check again after we’d eat.”

You smile at the admission. “Why?”

He shrugs, murmuring, “I guess she wanted to see if her food cured us.”

Your heart swells.

“Well, I feel nothing short of the picture of perfect health.”

Osamu laughs. You feel like a teen again, blushing at the fact that there is a very hot guy in your apartment.

“Listen…” he plays with his sleeve. “When ya get back, can I take you out? I’d really like you bothering me.”

a/n: finally got this out of my drafts! maybe more of this couple in drabbles

[random-cockroach]

Talking with myself about Brave Police J-Decker, 11 episodes so far, giving these series my congratulations since they managed to get a drip of tears from me and I love EVERY character there, it isn't logical for a cartoon Spoilers included

In the 2nd episode paparazzi asking Deckerd about what kind of women he likes and how his dream wedding might look. I literally fell off because. Is it some kind of mocking? First ai robot appearing and first questions are these? Yes for mass media it might be interesting "Oh look this is the dream wedding of the robot eheheh fun". He only recently went online what is wrong with this question, and let me precise do they mean with a human?

Deckerd got the build-team but they don't have emotions programmed. Because they don't trust Deckerd's program, they don't trust the kid. Oh well can't blame them for being afraid of a more new AI robots who technically operate on their own and might disobey their orders and a 4 or 6th grade kid as their boss pffht

Deckerd playing wrestle with robot of their neighbor: "He is so weak I could break him, I'll give in to him" Makes dramatic "AAaaa" and falls on the side DECKERD, I LOVE YOU AHAHAH

That's interesting. They gave build-team an AI only after they understood that it is harder to hack them if they don't resist with developed willpower. They wouldn't have allowed them to have AI too unless there was a chance of such situations.

Their AI was surprised by Yuta's kindness. They had the mind of "if can't make your job - useless" already sewed inside them. Or did they develop such thinking from the people in their basement? Because there literally only Yuta and two other men who treat them as machines with heart.

I am SHOCKED. I am SO shocked. This is the first time when I don't cringe from possible human x robot shipping even if not in a romantic way? But here? They fricking give the development to their mind and relationships. Mccrane, a pacifist, always hoping to the end and trying hard ways with more persistence. A Captain Seia Onoue, woman who doesn't allow the heart to get on her way. Mccrane acting more human-like compared to her and showing her other ways. WOW. Wow okay I look at you two I like this combo. Then? Dumpson, robot with a strong will and opinion, and Ayako, headstrong woman who doesn't believe in AI bullshit since these robots definitely just imitate emotions but don't have their opinions whatsoever. BAM look at Dumpson ahah. I look at you two too they make me giggle when they drum on each other's brains XDD And then Power Joe teeeeheheheh Kids looove him, no wonder, three bozos fighting over so that he would live with them. Yuta is just their Boss I suppose they don't find him as close friend as Deckerd did, but I'm happy they found the friends of their own

10-11 episodes.

Kagero is dead, even when his A.I. was changed to obey new owner, it didn't obey, because what was making this A.I. so strong were exactly memories with Shadowmaru. He wasn't a coward, but the person who mixed his brain with his is, and human's life is bigger compared to little data of his own Kagero managed to gain, so it isn't surprising human's side overpowered A.I. Shadowmaru wanted to die with Kagero, but Kagero, the little pieces of him remembering Shadowmaru, wanted him to live.

Kagero was built as Shadowmaru's shadow, prototype to develop Shadowmaru. All his memories are of him, his life literally has no meaning without Shadowmaru since that's like erasing your birth days itself. And Shadowmaru didn't want to leave him, he didn't listen to no one, he is pretty independent and even wanted to just die without fuel after he lost Kagero, let's specify killed him by his own hands. He doesn't have any strong connection with people, he has it only with his only friend. Kagero told him to live his life some more. Kagero, who was clenching to his memories since he learnt what is the meaning of life, by his own, no A.I. has a "value of your own life" data, only "humans' lives are vulnerable" data, and I'm sure Kagero would have had life so much bigger than just an attempt to keep the little pieces he have from being deleted. He told Shadowmaru to live his life a little more, to Shadowmaru, who wanted to just die because his only strong connection was with Kagero and I think he didn't learn how much he wanted to live the hard way Kagero did, but Kagero gave him an easy way to keep learning what it means. I wish they could get brain chip back and fix it, i wish they could, because now I'm sure even if they recreate everything, it will never be Kagero again, he is dead for Shadowmaru and I know Juuzou understands it better than anyone.

[emoisthenewemu]

"Their Love Ripened with Them" ~ Zoë Hange x F!Reader

"Seldom had two people loved more than they did; they loved with an ardour undiminished by time; as they ripened, so their love ripened with them" Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness

WC: 11.1k (oops)

A/N: OOOWHEEEE this story has been sitting close to a YRRR (i did forget ab it for half of that time). lowk inspired by the well of loneliness only bc i was reliving my sapphic literature phase. wow i have been so excited to post this because i had to take my time it's so special to me. i wanted true wlw YEARNING, as a catholic bisexual this hit deep. Zoë Hange you will always own a piece of my heart.

CW: LESBIAN ANGST, YEARNING, Hange is kinda fluid in their gender (she/they) and is referred to using both pronouns, homophobia (readers family is extremely conservative), Zoë is poked fun at for being 'weird', marriage to a MAN, man hating, curse words, slightt suggestiveness, CHEATING, crying, breakups, PAIN, cliffhanger ending

PT2 COMING SOON!!

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Zoë Hange has been single all of their life. Always being told you're 'too much' or 'weird' or 'freaky' can weigh a person down, so much so to the point where you might believe what everyone has been saying is true. Yes, Zoë agrees they are too much for any sane person to handle-Lord knows they wouldn't want to put up with them self so why would anyone else? Once they reached adulthood, they never had the desire to marry-even date as all of their comrades began to create their own family and settle down Zoë did nothing but watch. Thanking Sheena that they have never found themself in such a predicament. Being a Scout was busy work anyways; it did not leave time for much else. Especially for a person like Zoë who spent all of their free time locked away thinking up new experiments. They were secure in being single.

That's not to say they do not find people attractive. Hange is quite the woman-lover. Some men are fortunate enough to catch her eye, but in those cases, it has to be very specific and even then slightest thing can turn them off.

Women are a different story.

Women are soft and pretty. They smell good and have sweet voices. Women are Zoë's only weakness, the only thing which could ever deviate their laser-focused attention on all things titan. They would never be irresponsible about it of course, but even the hardest working soldiers deserve a break sometimes.

That is exactly why they have found themselves visiting a little bakery on the outskirts of the district. Erwin has been raving about their pastries and Zoe has decided they need to find out if they are as good as he says they are. Levi has joined them, mostly because he was forced by his Commander to socialize and take a break from all the training every once in a while. He remains quiet as Zoë blabbers both of the men's ears off talking about their notes on the latest expeditions.

"How did you come across this place anyways?" Zoë cannot help but question, it's very out of the way when you consider Erwin's usual route to go back home and visit family.

"One of the MP's recommended it to me. His girlfriend has been working here since it opened"

"MP?" Levi questions. "Then it's gonna be shit"

The bell above the door rings as you take some freshly made buns out of the oven, causing you to wipe off all of the flour from your hands. You go to greet your newest customers, shocked to find three members of the Scout Regiment in front of you. Erwin, you have met before, thanks to your boyfriend he now frequents your shop. And Levi you have heard about of course, he is Humanity's strongest after all. But the other one, you have no idea.

Your chest tightens at the sight of her. Eyes do a quick scan up and down which you think is not obvious, but Zoë catches on immediately, perhaps because they were doing the same thing to you. "Erwin! You've brought me some customers!"

The man laughs as you make your way to greet him with a friendly hug and he introduces you to the shorter man beside him. But it seems your eyes are elsewhere, stuck on the stranger who makes your chest feel warm. Their ponytail is sticking everywhere, as untamed as the grin which dons their face. A nice white button up with black pants which seem to fit them nicely-oh wow, close your mouth. You're practically drooling.

"This is Squad Leader, Zoë Hange. My right-hand man"

If Zoë had not been so preoccupied on committing your face to memory, they might hold onto the fact that Erwin considers them his 'right-hand man'. They stick out their hand almost comically, their grip is firm. Almost enough to make you wince as you cannot help but look into their wild eyes. There is an unspoken spark between you two, it almost feels like a jolt of electricity beneath your fingertips.

Your hands are soft and warm like the fluffy loafs you had previously popped out of the oven. What a sight you are, Zoë thinks. They always remember how pretty you looked that first day they met you.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Zoë" Your smile is inviting, only drawing the soldier in closer.

"The pleasure's all mine" Their words are accompanied by a not-so-subtle wink that makes you chuckle, cheeks warming up from all the body heat trapped in the room, yea-that's what it is.

Their visit is pleasant, although you and Zoë do most of the talking. They ask how early you must have to wake up in the mornings to prepare the dough and you tell them you arrive before the sun is even up. You talk all about the old lady who owns the shop that can no longer handle it by herself, how you spend most days as the one of the only employees because it is rare to see the frail woman out of bed these days. And they listen, Erwin throws in an occasional comment or two, but it is clear Zoë is in charge of the conversation. They never fail to find a new thing to bring up. They talk your ear off until it is time for them to leave and you would be lying if you said you weren't sad to see them go.

They give you a firm hug-chests pressed together as you take in the scent of their cologne. The scent lingers in your mind as you close up later that night, you swear it smells like they are still there.

"Oh, thank Sheena you made me shower before I left Erwin! I think we just found the love of my life!" Zoë swoons.

The man laughs, he knew you were a nice young lady. Which is why he had the decency to dousing his squad leader in cologne before they left for town. He'll be damned if his soldiers are walking around smelly and making him look bad. And Zoë thanks him because they are certain you took a big sniff when the two of you were hugging goodbye. "Forgive me for saying this Hange but I fear you're not her type" Erwin tries to let them down easy.

Zoë freezes, both of the men stalling to look back at their offended friend. "Oh please! I know a woman lover when I see one!"

Levi scoffs, ever-so-blunt. "I thought you weren't a woman"

"I'd rather be a woman than a man!"

Erwin laughs at his boisterous comrade, a part of him dares to feed into their delusions. "She did seem quite talkative today. I've never had such a long conversation with her"

"Thought you said she has a boyfriend" Levi interjects.

Zoë can only laugh. "He's an MP! MPs don't know how to treat a lady!"

"And you do?"

"Yes, I'm quite familiar" Zoë adjusts the glasses on their face, a devious smirk begins to grow. It seems you have lit a fire in their soul, for the first time in a long time they crave something. Someone. And Hange always gets what they want, they'll scheme if they have to.

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It takes two more visits over the course of a month before Hange is absolutely certain you are not as 'straight' as you pretend to be. Every time you are just as friendly and inviting as before, it doesn't seem to bother you that they stay longer than the average customer. But even then, all of the conversations are very surface level, almost like both of you are afraid to take it any further. You even send them back home with a few extra treats-you were going to throw them away anyways. So, you don't charge the soldier, you insist their presence is enough payment.

It is a lonely life you live. You've come to tell Hange all about it. How you are your parents only child and the only thing they have ever wanted for you is to get married and start a family. Your father is a very traditional man, he believes men have a role as the head of the household, they are the protectors and decision makers. And it is your job as a woman to keep your man happy, to maintain a clean house and ensure there is dinner on the table every night. He did not let you go to school like you wanted; to study medicine and it was not like you could afford it yourself at the time. You have the money now though and you admit to Hange that sometimes you think about getting an education in secret-to make something of yourself.

"Honestly, it makes me kind of sick. I love my dad but sometimes I feel like the only thing he thinks I'm good for is to be a wife" You speak honestly, you do not know how you found yourself so comfortable with the soldier. You have never told anyone about wanting to go to school, just Hange.

"I'm afraid it's a generation thing. My folks were the same way" Zoë admits between bites of pastry, small crumbles falling from their lips. "But you should go to school, it's not right to live your life for someone else"

Those words hit particularly hard, a slight twinge in your chest because it is so much deeper than you let on. How you have spent your life ignoring a fact you know to be true-one that would make your father ashamed you were ever born. And you are so lost in thought that you remain silent for a while, picking at the skin of your nails. This is the deepest your conversations have ever gone, and a part of you wonders why they would even care. "Oh, I don't know...probably too late to start now"

Your eyes meet and you extend a hand to their shoulder, rubbing it graciously. "Thank you for listening to me Hange...lately it feels like no one does"

"What about your boyfriend?" Zoë has been waiting weeks to ask that question. The shock on your face is evident. "I mean-doesn't he listen to you?"

You are a bit taken aback that Zoë knows about him because you had failed to mention anything about your relationship until now. You knew you did it on purpose but weren't ready to admit it. You were probably naive to think Erwin hadn't mentioned it before. But honestly you hadn't thought about him in weeks. You laugh at the thought that he would be open to talking about your feelings. "I hardly ever see him anymore...and he's not much of a talker"

"Well why not? Doesn't he come and visit?"

The Sun is starting to go down and you are starting to clean up, but you don't mind Zoë's presence. You cannot remember the last time it felt like someone was interested in what you had to say. "He's very busy...but if he gets promoted then he says he'll move me out there with him"

"Is that what you want?"

You pause your movements, nails digging into the wood of the broomstick. "Sure" It was always your father's dream to live inside wall Sheena, to give you and your mother 'the life you deserve'.

Zoë laughs. "I'm not convinced".

You mimic the smile on their face, teasing as you turn your head to get a better look at them. "And what do you want Hange? Enough of me. I'd like to know what your future entails"

"Hmm" It is clear that Zoë takes your question very seriously, eyebrows furrowed in thought as they bring up a hand to their chin. "I'd have to keep you the rest of the night to tell you about everything I want, sweetheart"

Your eyebrows raise at the nickname, the smile on your face fails to drop. "We can save it for next time then"

Zoë is fetching their coat, painfully aware of the fact that they have a long trek ahead of them. But it's worth it, this is the most relaxed they've been in weeks. It feels like they can forget the stress which eats away at them most nights, the thoughts of every single comrade they failed to save. Over here things are not hectic, they have no responsibility. To be able to kick their feet up and chat with a pretty lady, being fed sweets which will most definitely give them a headache in the long run-it doesn't get much better than this. "Until next time, YN. I will get my list started of all my hopes and dreams now"

"You better" You walk them to the front of the shop, a shy smile on your face. Ignoring the pit in your chest because you don't want them to go. The second Zoë leaves you will go back to the same monotonous routine you've done for the past nine years. You will get up at the same time every morning, step into the same tattered clothes because there is not much point in trying to impress people these days-you'd just get covered in flour anyways. On your days off you visit your parents and make them dinner, maybe read a book or write a letter to your boyfriend. You greet the same customers every week and prepare the same things, sometimes it feels like and endless loop you will never escape.

"I'll be waiting for you, Hange" You give them a hug, their arm rests comfortably around your waist. It creates butterflies in your stomach as you pull away slightly to look them in the eye one more time.

"Zoë" They insist. It would sound so lovely coming out of your mouth. "Call me Zoë"

"Goodnight Zoë" You push the bag of pastries into their chest, they almost forgot to take it home. "Get home safe"

You have given Zoë something to think about. What is their end goal? What is the point to everything they do?

What do I want?

Zoë thinks aloud as if the horse were going to provide an answer. It is a bit of a loaded question; they meant it when they said it would take all night to answer. There are many things Zoë wants; to find out what's truly on the other side of the walls, where Titans even come from in the first place. To find the right way to avenge all those who died for the cause, to make their sacrifice meaningful. However (selfish as it may be), atop the list of Zoë Hange's wants and needs sits one very special person.

You.

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The next time you almost see each other you are unaware that Hange has been working up a scheme of sorts against you. To prove it to their comrades (but mostly themself) that you indeed are interested in women-that Hange may actually have a chance with you. Levi and Moblit think Hange is full of it. However, Erwin and Nanaba seem to believe in their enamored friend. They want to be optimistic about things and Erwin is well aware that your MP boyfriend has been neglecting you anyways, why shouldn't his friend be there to pick up the pieces?

Zoë has even managed to bring some of Levi's squad into the middle of all this-well just one in particular. Petra is going to be their 'bait' for today. And she is more than happy to even be involved-it is evident in her face as she skips along with a few of her superiors. They walk and talk as Hange applies some rouge to the young Scout's lips.

"I can't believe you managed to drag Petra into this stupid little plan of yours" Levi grumbles. "Do you not find it demeaning?" He asks the woman whose corset would burst had it been done any tighter.

"Demeaning?! I'm flattered that I was the first hot girl Hange could think of!" Petra means it, truly.

The man only sighs, regretting entertaining such childish antics by tagging along. The only reason was to stop by a bookstore around the corner and he did not really feel like walking around town by himself. Definitely not because he was being nosey and wanted watch how it all plays out.

Once they reach the corner by your comfy little bakery, Hange stops-pushing the two women towards the shop. Zoë insists they must not tag along or else you will suspect their little rouse. It is essential. Levi calls it stupid. Forcing sweet innocent Petra to go in there and flirt with you, galivant around in some tight dress. It was offensive to both of you-to women all throughout the walls really. But it seemed Hange's rose-colored glasses were causing them to go blind and there was not much anyone could say to stop them. Perhaps it was a distraction from all of the carnage they had been suffering back home. Maybe he should indulge in his friend whom he knows has not slept in days. They go to his bookstore, but Zoë's mind has clearly not joined them-their eyes constantly darting towards the door as if they were expecting you to walk right through it.

It's so serious that Zoë is willing to miss out on seeing your face, just this one week. It wouldn't help out with the experiment, scientifically speaking. And Levi reminds them that they are stupid for not just going in there to talk to you as Hange whines on their way back about how much they miss you. "Call me crazy, but what if you just ask her out on a date?"

"You're crazy!" Hange laughs and Levi rolls his eyes, purposefully walking forward because he knows Zoë would not dare step into your line of sight.

Finally, some peace and quiet, he sighs. How did he find himself in the midst of such lowly behavior? The door to your shop swings open and he watches Nanaba and Petra say their farewells. Things seem friendly-nothing worth noting. You even get a glimpse of him, waving because it is simply in your nature to be so amicable. This plan was definitely a bust, even if the women do think you were flirting back who's to say you were not just being nice? He waves back, slightly shaking his head because he will now have to hear about the disappointment of it all on the horse ride home.

Then Petra drops something, he's not sure what exactly fell to the ground because if he was being honest his eyes are elsewhere. He looks away for a few seconds only to meet you in some awkward eye contact as you realize the both of you caught each other gawking at the very same thing. Levi walks away swiftly, not even offering a goodbye as he tries to catch up to his fellow soldiers who are now several steps ahead of him.

"I'm telling you Hange! I was laying it on! And she did not seem interested at all, she was asking about you the whole time!"

"She even sent us some extra bread rolls for you-" Nanaba is cut off by Hange snatching the bread out of the bag.

"So, what does this mean?!" They ask in between mouthfuls.

"It means I lost my touch" Petra whines, slightly insulted that her charm had not worked.

"I think it means she likes you" Nanaba ignores her sulking friend.

"But it is it as a friend?! Or could it be more?"

Levi had to squeeze his way through a crowd of people that had somehow magically appeared. Now picking up the pace to try and tell his fellow soldiers about his latest discovery. It is not long before he runs up in front of them, halting the group's movements. "Hange! You were right! YN's a woman lover!"

"Huh?"

"I caught her looking at Petra's ass when she bent over" He sounds almost proud of himself.

"Really?!" Hange and Petra squeal in unison, it is not clear who is more excited at the revelation.

Petra has a sudden blush to her face. "Wait Captain! Does that mean you were looking too?" The way they all fall into a fit of laughter certainly does not help his case, ears turning pink due to the embarrassment.

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When Hange is gone you miss them. Their presence, wild eyes and at times questionable jokes. You always laugh at their jokes though, so you aren't sure who the weird one is supposed to be. They only have the time to come around once every other weekend (if that). You count the days as they go by, eighteen days have passed since their last visit, so you are eagerly awaiting their arrival by the time Saturday morning comes. Their friends from last weekend assured you that Hange would be off today. But it is far past afternoon, and they have yet to set foot in your shop, usually they are one of your first customers of the day.

The bell above the door rings and you unashamedly run out of the kitchen, expecting that excited smile you had grown so accustomed to.

Instead, you come to face your boyfriend in his uniform, for some reason your face slightly drops. A sudden weight in your chest as you step forward to greet him. He kisses you and you feel nothing, an unfamiliar ache in your heart as you pull away. "James, I-I had no idea you would be visiting"

You subconsciously flatten your skirt, swatting at your hair in an attempt to make yourself look a bit more presentable. You have not looked your best lately-you can admit that. "Would have fixed myself up a bit more" You chuckle as he places a quick peck to your lips.

"Aw don't worry about that, darling. It looks like it has been a long day" He rubs your arm soothingly.

The MPs are in town, due to some renovations in their living quarters. They are visiting family, planning to go out and make the most of the opportunity of having a few days off. It seems your boyfriend has plans at a pub nearby-most of his MP friends will be in attendance and they are so excited that they even invited the Scouts. You almost choke on your tea at that revelation, now home as you multi-task. Going between powdering your face and enjoying the hot liquid because for some reason you feel so cold. You sigh, looking at James who blabbers on about how he is getting closer to the King and expects to climb the ranks any day now. He is good to you, although a bit neglectful, he has never disrespected you. Nor has he made you cry or even argued with you really. Maybe it was because you did not care enough to argue, to pout when things do not go your way. He never asked for your opinion anyways, it was always about him. But you did not mind because you did not even know yourself-you could never bare your soul to a man who would not understand. Being with James was convenient for both of you, it made him look good because he had someone to talk about, a beautiful woman to bring to all the military events who did not ask for much.

And you are using him even more than he is using you. Using him to keep your parents off your back about being single for so long, although they do still constantly ask when you will be engaged. The thought makes you shudder, even the idea of marrying a man makes you feel ill. But it is what your father wants. And he is the only man in your life who genuinely cares for you, bigotry aside.

James is handsome and has a good job. One that ensures he does not invade your privacy or personal life. He was kept away at a distance, which made you happier than actually seeing him. You try not to think about the day where you inevitably have to move in together. 

That is all you think about on the walk over; hair now done and dressed all pretty the way you know James likes. You are noticeably fidgeting; the man grabs your hand in an attempt to comfort your nerves. "I have no idea why you look so nervous.... I thought you would be excited" He half mumbles that last part but you catch it.

"Why would I be excited?! All of your friends' wives look down on me like I'm some charity case" You grumble, throwing his hand off of yours. Most of them grew up rich and the others are wasting all of their time pretending they lived the same way. Whenever you are around them you can feel the venom of their glare, jealousy? Envy? You aren't sure what has caused it, but it has always been clear they do not like you.

"I thought you made friends with the Scouts!"

"Who told you that?!" You do not mean to sound so defensive.

"Erwin! What's the big deal?!" He slightly raises his voice, causing the people around you to turn their heads over for a look.

You fall silent, averting his gaze. "Nothing" You sigh.

"If anything, I'm happy you're finally making some friends. Don't have to complain about how lonely you are" He did not mean for it to sound as backhanded as it did. You take offense to the comment and huff, slapping away the hand which tugs at your coat.

Picking up the pace, you find yourself several steps ahead of him, taking a deep breath as your eyes dart around the multiple Soldiers surrounding the area. It seemed like half of the King's entire army had been invited. You find yourself wondering, apprehensive at the thought of the familiar face you wished to see most in the world. And then it appeared.

James had finally caught up with you, not that you noticed the arm snaking around your waist as he prepared to enter the pub. Clearly, you had other plans. He almost trips over his own feet at the resistance of your body as he tries to tug you along. You remain frozen like a statue, head cocked in the complete opposite direction ever since you caught sight of that unruly mocha hair. You almost fail to notice the fact that it is the most genuine smile which crossed your face all day-a familiar warmth spreading throughout your chest.

"YN!" Zoë Hange's voice is a shout from the heavens above, the way it immediately brings you back to life.

"Oh, don't mind me, James I'll catch up with you soon" You do not fail to catch the surprised look on his face, almost judgmental with a raised brow. "What?"

"Hange? You've made friends with Hange?"

You're completely dumbfounded at the reaction. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Err....she's a little weird, don't you think? Not the kind of company I would expect you to keep"

You gasp at his words, shoving him in the chest perhaps a bit harder than intended. "No! I think they're brilliant!"

James speaks in a condescending tone. "Whatever that means"

You march off with a groan. You can't believe how much of an ass he is being. And about Hange of all people, a person who (in your eyes) has never done a thing wrong in their life. As careless as that thought may be, you know their every waking moment is spent trying to protect the people they care about-the people living behind the walls. You aren't sure you can say the same about James. Hange notices the defeated look on your face, immediately on guard. "What's wrong?" They ask as soon as you are within earshot.

"Come with me"

You drag Zoe away without an explanation, grabbing them by the wrist and completely missing the way they look back at their comrades-a gleeful expression as they give a thumbs-up. They almost want to beg their friends to wish the two of you good luck. Levi and Erwin are completely dumbfounded, although the Commander feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

You drag Zoe to the only thing you have that is all yours. The place you disappear off to when times are tough, and you need to feel like the only person left in the World. It always feels that way, that you are alone in the things you try to hide. You have not shared it with another soul. A clearing at the edge of a farm you visit on an almost weekly basis. If you walk all the way out to the edge and hop the fence it gets so quiet the only thing you can hear is the distant mooing of cows and the sound of your own breath. The first time you found this place was when you swore at twelve years old that you were running away. After your father caught you kissing a girl from across the street.

You laugh at the memory; you thought your life was over. That you should just curl up into a ball and die. The reality of it was that you returned home the next morning and the two of you never mentioned it again. You also never dared to indulge in that urge ever again.

"You planning to murder me out here?" Zoë finally speaks, easing the tension. Your body relaxes, slumping back against the fence you insist they climb over to get the whole experience. It's not worth stargazing through gaps of wood.

"You've caught on to my plan" You joke, leaning forward in an attempt to be menacing. As if Hange could ever fear you. "Although I would be screwing myself over if I murdered my only friend"

"My devilish charm strikes again" They smile, revealing the steel flask Erwin had gifted them before arriving at the pub. He insists they should drink that first, so they do not have to spend as much money on beer, resourceful as ever.

But the two of you have it now and it does not take long for the liquid to come pouring out. Passed between the both of you as you share your deepest regret; ever getting into a relationship with James in the first place. You are not sure when you began talking about him, or how the topic was even brought up in the first place. You are almost certain Zoë did not ask but for some reason you tell them. You admit that it is all just a facade, you are trying to prove something to yourself more than genuinely put an effort into the relationship. By the time you find the right words the flask is empty as the ache in your heart. "I care about him but it just.... doesn't feel right"

Zoë looks at you knowingly, they feel it too. That ache of not knowing what it is your soul is after. The confusion of being told one thing but wanting another. How isolating it can be. You cannot say what it is that you find so captivating about them. Incapable of explaining the heat which fills your entire body as they eat you alive with their gaze. The tantalization which has plagued your entire life sits right in front of you, a direct reflection of everything you want.

Someone soft and pure who understands. Who takes over your mind, body and soul, stimulates your senses. Never has a simple look said so much.

"But things have always been like that. I have never truly connected with anyone" You add on, not so subtly shuffling your body closer. The cool blades of grass tickle at the exposed area of your shin, reminding you of the harsh winter air. You really should have dressed warmer for the occasion. "My whole life has felt like one big question even I don't know the answer to"

Zoë Hange takes the initiative to rest a hand on your thigh, looking into your eyes intently. They want you to understand how deeply they hear you, that they have listened to every word you've said since meeting you. They would wait a million years for this very moment, for the time when all the stars aligned, and it finally felt right. Another hand brings itself up to brush a strand behind your ear and you lean into their touch, fingers softly running down the wrist which supports your head. Moving closer than ever, Hange takes a deep breath in-resting their forehead atop yours. "I hear you YN. I can't tell you the numbers of nights I lay awake wondering what made me the way I am"

The moment is so tender and sincere you could cry. Moving your face closer to theirs, you nudge your nose against theirs so slow and deliberate it could come off as if you were doing it on purpose. Truth is, every movement is involuntary, like something had taken over and wants to devour every second spent like this.

Take your time. Make it last.

It is all you can think for fear that it may not ever happen again.

Zoë cannot hold out any longer, crashing their lips against yours in a hungry fury. They've dreamt about the way your lips taste, but it was not nearly as good as the real thing. No, this is perfect. So much more than they can imagine. Small whines and sound of lips smacking beneath the twinkling stars. Two bodies of forbidden lovers moving in sync, gnawing and clawing at each other so needy there is no room to breathe. Zoë does not allow you to catch your breath-they can be your source of oxygen, swallowing every huff you attempt to let out. They cannot let you go; you may never come back.

They grip at your hips and thighs, squeezing a particular spot that makes you squeal. "Hange!" Your laugh is again, swallowed by their mouth.

They groan, biting your lip because they now know they would much rather hear you moan their name than simply just say it. You allow them to pull you into their lap. You encourage their hands to roam as they please, granting Zoë access to every inch of your body.

And then you pull at the disheveled brown mop atop their head, causing the sexiest most pathetic whimper you've ever heard leave Hange's lips. You whisper their name, tugging again before rolling your tongue against Zoë's.

They do not need to be convinced before ravishing you with love bites, not caring what might be left of you when they finish. If anything, that makes it better, they hope your stupid boyfriend sees it.

Rocking you in their lap, the two of you continue to kiss until your lips feel swollen and tingly. Until both of your hairs are knotted messes from all the tugging and the necklines of both of your tops are extremely disheveled. "Oh Zoë" You whine into their lips, kisses growing softer but still full of need and desire. "You have no idea how bad I wanted this" You suck at their bottom lip selfishly. You cannot get enough.

"Me too YN" They gasp when you nibble a bit at their earlobe, it sends jolts of electricity down their body. "I nearly prayed for a chance to feel your body against mine"

Never has a kiss been so satisfying, been able to feed the craving which ate at you for years. It feels like it could be enough to power you through another month of the dull cycle that is your life. "I've been so selfish..." You pout, redoing the buttons you had frantically pulled apart moments before.

You kiss their jaw, then their neck, and collarbone. "Please, I have done more than enough talking" You peck their lips again before taking their face into your hands adoringly. "I'd like to know everything about you"

When you get home hours later, swollen lips and covered in marks your boyfriend does not notice. You find him passed out in the couch of your living room; half dressed. It seems he walked home drunk and gave up before making it into the bedroom, which was only a few steps away. You almost feel guilty for the contempt that fills you as you watch him sleep, almost disgusted with the way he's presented himself.

You hate him. You hate all men.

Maybe not all, most would be fair to say. They fill you with rage and disgust. They make you want to throw up.

They make you want to cry. You cry as you stare at the man whom you are supposed to love but suddenly feel nothing for. The one you are done trying to convince yourself that you like. He does not please you, or satisfy you, or even support you.

He is just there. Taking up space. And worst of all, you let him. The man you have known for years is suddenly a stranger in your house, your space which you have so carefully built. Not even your home is safe from the wrath of man.

You cry until it feels like you might pass out, the weight of it all finally kicking in. That you have to make a decision one day. The decision to please your family and do what is expected of you.

Or the decision to be free.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

Hange remains the only harbinger of peace in your life. The next time the two of you see each other it is much different than the others. Usually, they would come bright and early, spend the whole day with you and return once the Sun goes down. But this time they arrive an hour before you close-a surprise to you seeing as you expected them to not even show up once the clock passed ten thirty. You figured they must be busy. But they arrive with a smile bigger than ever, if that was possible.

And instead of your usual friendly greeting they take a look around, ensuring there are no customers in sight before stepping forward and enveloping you in a hug that makes you forget all about the struggles of your everyday life. In Zoë's arms you feel so safe and protected, you feel like yourself. And then they kiss you, firm and excitedly. Almost messy with the movements of your lips, so much so that you giggle against them.

"Was that okay?" They ask for fear that they may be coming on too strong. Perhaps that kiss in the field was supposed to be a one-time thing.

Instead, you flash your pearly whites, eyes glazed over with something that is not lust. Much stronger than want or need. You pull them by the collar of their shirt and kiss them again, wrapping your arms around their neck as you stand on your tiptoes to reach more of them. "What a silly question" You tease, lips pulled apart but still fully embracing each other. "I fear that I've thought about your lips more than anything else this past week"

"Fine by me" Zoë insists before another peck of their lips. But they are fidgety, shifting with your body in their arms as their eyes dart all around.

"What is it?" You whisper, bringing their gaze back to you with a finger on their chin as you become suddenly aware that it is growing dark out. "And what brings you here so late?"

"I was hoping..." Zoë starts, pausing lightly to look down at their feet. The fear of being too forward is stuck in their head. The last thing they need to do is scare you off the way they have done to everyone their whole life.

"That it would be okay if I accompany you back to your house today?"

You are the first person who has looked at them without an ounce of doubt. Hange realizes that as the corner of your lips tug up into a smile. What a wonderful feeling that is, to be accepted completely. "Of course you can"

From then on, Hange's visits take place at your house rather than the bakery. You talk and eat dinner together; on occasion they will bring a fancy wine courtesy of some random civilian who wanted to thank the Section Commander for all their hard work. Being a Scout has its perks sometimes.

It is one of the only benefits. Zoë is suddenly aware of how much free time they fail to have. Time that could be spent with you. But they manage, waiting weeks for the opportunity to simply enjoy your presence. Sometimes you talk each other's ears off. No single topic in mind, just mindless rambling about anything you think of. Others are more quiet, spent in each other's arms comfortably. And neither of you dare speak of what this all could mean for your relationship.

The only thing which confounds Zoë is why you ever allowed them into your life in the first place. Hange is not great on first impressions, or second, or thirds.

So why did it all come so easy with you? How did the conversation flow so naturally within moments of meeting you? Is this how everyone who's ever fallen in love feels?

So many questions. Especially because Zoë knows better than to let her mind wander on the topic of you. You have a boyfriend and will likely become his wife. This is all temporary. And they would rather not think of the day when they have to move on. Being so secretive makes it exciting, more personal because no one else is aware of whatever you have going on between the two of you. These moments of serenity belong to you and Hange only.

You find yourself in the warmth of their embrace, cuddled over on your side of the bed although there is plenty of empty space. They just need to be touching you, no gap of space to be found. They want to die knowing they have touched every inch of your skin. "YN?"

"Yes, my dear?" You laugh because you have no idea why they are whispering.

My dear. You aren't sure when you started calling Zoë that, but it just rolls off your tongue perfectly. It also makes your lovers ears perk up in excitement each time. "Can I just say I still cannot believe we get to do this...I mean, most people would not take you for a woman lover"

You snort aloud, sitting up in bed. "A woman lover? What are you?! 12?" You ask, slightly offended but a twinge of jest to your tone. Your eyes sparkle in the way you look at them, creases forming at the corners.

"It's just...it all seemed so silly at first. I never thought there was a chance you could actually like me" They mean it truly. They cannot begin to count the number of times they had been pushed away by their peers, being called delusional for ever thinking they could get somewhere in life. "No one likes me"

"I do" You pout. It pains you to hear how low they think of themselves. "I like you very much Zoë. You are brilliant and strong. Sophisticated yet playful. Brave and beautiful. You are everything I enjoy in a person"

Zoë could cry at your words, but they don't. Instead, they hold you tighter with a kiss to your head, you may be the only person alive who has ever admired them in such a way. "I enjoy you more my dearest Schatz. I would do anything for you"

They would even break off that stupid relationship you're in and marry you.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

It has been over a month since the last time you saw Zoë. You have sent many letters but have yet to receive any back. The Scouts left for an expedition, and it is proving to be far lengthier than most. This worries you because no one has heard from them. Or maybe they have, and the rest of the regiment is just keeping it under wraps. You suppose that would make sense. It just could not have happened at a worse time. The shop is slower than usual, weather is growing harsher, and you are certain that James is going to propose soon. And worst of all, your father is sick.

You feel so alone and lost. Especially now that your father has grown ill. You spend most nights helping look after him. Your mother is unwell, clearly not in her right mind to take care of her husband whom she spent decades with. It seems she cannot take the pain of watching her lover deteriorate into a shell of what he once was. But they are lucky to have you. Playing the role of the devoted daughter as well as you always have. They would always brag to their friends about how good of a girl you are.

You give him medicine and feed him, bathe and change him. He seems to even have lost a bit of his mind, constantly making sly comments about how he will die without any grandchildren. You ignore his words each time, but they remain in your head as the days go by.

You feel like a terrible daughter. Like you have failed to do the only thing he has ever asked of you. As if you needed any more pressure to conform. James even visits when he can. A sentiment which you appreciate more than he will ever know.

That was until you overhear a conversation with your father; one your life would be much more peaceful without.

Their words play in your head even later that night as you write Zoë her fifth letter of the month. Maybe you are just crazy-obsessive. Maybe you are using them as a coping mechanism, time with Zoë is your only escape. You end the letter off with a warning, a fat droplet falls from your eye and hits the page. It smears the last few words clean off.

I overheard James asking Father for my hand in marriage.

Zoë is exhausted and ashamed when they finally arrive back home. Everyone blames them for the failure that was their expedition. Many lives lost all for them to nab a stupid titan. One that they ended up having to kill anyways when it broke free of their restraints. One month of their lives wasted. Well not to Zoë, they collected some very valuable data that will be of use for the next time they dare venture out of the walls. Though they will have to wait for the newest batch of cadets to arrive, seeing as The Scouts are coming back home with less soldiers than they left with. No one cares about Zoë's stupid experiments; they just want their friends back.

Erwin pats them on the back, assuring that it was all worth it in the end. The only way out is forward-or something like that. Hange was not really paying attention if she's being honest. Kicking off their boots in the comfort of their own living quarters they come to find a stack of letters from you.

Thinking about how lucky they are to have someone who actually writes to them, Zoë opens the one on top with a smile on their face. This one seems to be the newest, but they cannot be too bothered to read them in order. They just need to hear what you have to say. You bring Zoë comfort.

However, that comfort is completely erased as they take in your words. Each line seems to grow even more abysmal as you go on about all of your misfortune and worries. Zoë's brows furrow as it becomes clear to them that they were gone in the moments you needed them most. All areas of your life have seemed to come crashing down. They begin to grow ill as they read the last line, standing up and clutching their desk so hard the wood begins to splinter beneath their nails.

They put their coat on, still with the letter in hand and march out to the halls. Unaware of where they are even going, they just need to pace. And breathe. They go all the way up to the rooftop-where the harsh winter air sends goosebumps all over their skin. Panting as they hunch over the ledge. For a moment it feels as if they may vomit.

"You don't plan on jumping off, do you?" Erwin's voice snaps them out of it, their body jolts at the sudden sound.

"You scared me" Hange half mumbles.

"My apologies" Erwin nods, taking a few steps closer to Hange who is as pale as the moonlight. He knows exactly why she is out here. "I was looking for you. You weren't in your quarters"

"Needed some fresh air" Zoë almost forgets they are still clutching your letter close to their chest.

"Uh huh" Erwin joins Zoë in leaning against the ledge, looking out into the place they fight so hard every day to protect. It is so peaceful now. You can almost forget that Titans exist in the first place. Almost. "I was catching up on a few things sent in from the MP's....updates and whatnot"

Zoë nods, not entirely sure what he is trying to get at. Well, deep down she probably does know but does not wish to face it. "James Mason has been promoted to one of the King's guards"

Zoë's heart is completely crushed. They want to just double over and fall. But they would never dare look so pathetic in front of anyone, especially their Commander. "What does that have to do with me?"

Erwin sighs, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'really?'. "We all know he was only waiting to get promoted before asking her to marry him"

Zoë is silent for a while, they consider wishing the two of you luck, but they cannot force the words out of their mouth if they tried. So, they give up, with a sigh that comes from a place deep within their chest. "How did you-"

"Do not take me for a fool" He laughs, attempting to lighten up the mood although it may be impossible. "You spent months obsessing over this woman and all of a sudden you just stop talking about her? I knew something was afoot. Not to mention the way you would disappear entirely on your weekends off"

Hange only nods, it feels like they have been caught red handed.

"So, what happened?"

Zoë groans, bringing a hand over their face as they try to rub the dull ache out of their head. "We were.... together"

"Are you still?"

"I would hope so" She admits. "Or maybe I should not have hope" They look down for a while, staring at their shoes and the cobblestone beneath their feet. They imagine it crumbling and their body goes falling right through it-that would certainly put an end to all the distress. "What do you think Erwin? Should I just leave her be?"

"Do you love her?"

That is the million-dollar question Zoë has been unable to answer. Out of nothing but pure fear. They were secure in their feelings for you, certain of how much they liked you. But Erwin is right, does she love you?

It seems the word leaves her lips before her brain can even process it all. "Yes"

"Well then, you better tell her before it is too late"

Zoë nods again, a ball of nothing but anxiety and pure dread in their chest. "How long ago did you receive the news?"

There's a chance they may be too late already.

"One week since the last letter"

The next morning Hange wastes no time before leaving to your district. Stopping by the bakery first, they are more than concerned to find it closed-on a day they are certain you work. Never have they come to find your shop closed. It makes them fear the worst. They make their way to your apartment next, heart pounding and an unfamiliar ringing in their ears. Their nerves are starting to get the better of them. Zoë might just have to stop on the way and throw up. Clutching their chest, their movements are anything but graceful. Quick and rushed, they lose their footing a few times but keep moving forward. Perhaps they should not have left their horse so far behind.

And the closer Zoë gets to you, the more it feels like they can no longer wait. They are unable to hold it in anymore, maybe they should have brought a ring because if you let her go on long enough, she might just propose on the spot. If that will keep you-they would do anything to be yours.

They are about to start running when they see him-James. James looks tired and worn out. He notices Hange almost immediately. "Zoë! Oh, good thing you've stopped by. She's a mess! Maybe you can go talk to her!"

"Huh?" Hange is puzzled, their eyes dart down to his hand which has no ring. That's a good sign at least.

"Her father passed away three mornings ago. Died in his sleep" He states rather bluntly. "I haven't left her side since. But she's running out of food, I was going to stop and get groceries. Maybe you can talk to her? I know she's grown quite fond of you"

"Oh yeah, of course" Hange snaps out of it for a second. The guilt suddenly hits them as they look James in the eye. He looks concerned, genuinely worried for your wellbeing. He was there when you needed him, she wasn't. How can Zoë come to face him knowing all they have done with the woman who is supposed to be his? Maybe they are a bad a person disguised as someone virtuous. "What horrible news"

"Yes" The man sighs, looking to the ground in thought. "We'll likely have to push the Wedding back"

Hange's body has run cold. And the man only stares, for a moment Zoë can't help but wonder if he knows. If he is only bringing it up to prove a point.

They are clearly taken aback by the revelation. "Did she not tell you yet? I figured her closest friend would be the first to know" His voice has a level of irony to it, maybe even a hint of anger.

His eyes have narrowed, something unexplainable beneath them. But Zoë is going to die on the hill that they have done nothing wrong. "Well, I've been gone on an expedition. Just got back"

"And you immediately run off to her apartment" James arms are now crossed. "For what reason? If you truly had no idea about her father either"

"Zoë!" You gasp from the door of your place, initially stepping out for some fresh air. To be able to breathe.

And breathe you may-now that your dear Zoë is in your arms. You clutch them tight and hope to never let go, eyes wound shut for fear they make threaten to spill even more tears. But they do, your bottom lip begins to wobble as they pat your head. Looking at James, their eye contact lingers for a bit before the man walks off, caught in his own personal war.

Zoë's arms remain wrapped around you. They need to touch you. They grab your hand and bring you inside, where nobody will get the chance to see the two of you. "I'm so sorry"

Their words are nothing but a whisper as they take in the state of your apartment. Boxes surround them, a few things seem to be missing. Your couch most importantly. The one the two of you would cuddle up and take naps on.

And then Zoë sees it. A ring on your fourth finger, on your left hand. You hold it close to your body almost as if you were trying to hide it. But in no world would Hange fail to see that.

"You're engaged"

You scoff. "My father is dead"

"And I send my deepest condolences. Losing a parent is one of the hardest days of anyone's life. I truly hope you can find peace in knowing he is at rest" She sounds genuine, swallowing the lump in her throat to be able to speak. "But please do not avoid the obvious"

You stand a shell of the woman you were before, you try to be strong. To be stoic and put on the same mask you have donned since birth practically. But it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do, to look the love of your life in the face and lie to her. Especially when they are the only person you have ever been able to share your truth with. You must share your pain too, it is an ache that blinds all other senses. The world has turned upside down since even before your father died. "He asked two days before he passed" You begin, voice wavering. "My father died happy knowing I was to be a bride"

"Call it off"

"What?!" You clutch the clothing close to your chest. An unseen force pulls your body down, shoulders slumped and heavy with the weight of all your life's problems. "Y-you know I can't do that"

"Why not?" Zoë asks, completely dumbfounded that you are still going to go through with this. Your father was the main factor in why you could never truly live to be yourself. As morbid as it may sound, he is no longer around to stop you. Hange thought your old self would die with him as well. "Go to school! I will support you and we can married when you graduate. I can provide for you YN"

You take a step back, clearly the two of you are not on the same page. "Zoë....my father would be rolling in his grave if he ever knew I was with another woman. And my mother! God my mother, she might just drop dead too" You bring a hand to your head, pulling at the roots of your hair.

Zoë steps closer, bringing a hand up to your cheek. They brush a piece of hair behind your ear. "Plenty of women do it.." They whisper.

"Some" You shake your head, tears in your eyes. "Not plenty....I don't think I can deal with the stares, or the hushed whispers as we walk by! I'm not brave enough for that-I'm sorry!"

"It's who you are. You see that don't you?"

"Of course I do!" You whisper incredulously. "I fear that love may not be enough to save us from the hardships we could face! I would hate for what we have to be soiled by everyone else! I love you now, can't that be enough?!"

Zoë Hange should have stayed home, they understand that in this moment. They should have spared themselves the heartache of knowing the truth. They are shaking, their neck jerks in unnatural way as they take in your words. They should focus on the fact that you are pushing them far away-pushing their love away. But you love her, that is all Zoë hears. "You love me?"

You have fallen silent, refusing to look her in the eye when she steps forward and grabs you. One arm wraps around your waist, the other fervidly grabs your face-pulling you into a kiss full of passion and sorrow. "You love me" They repeat, practically speaking it back into your mouth. They just need to remind you. "You love me and I love you. I will devote my entire being to you until the end of time if you'd let me"

"Zoë-" Your cries are hushed by their lips. And as bad as you want to accept her into your life, you know you cannot. Your fate had already been decided, long ago. "Hange stop! Don't be so selfish! I am lost right now! I'm in no place to make any kind of decision-" You throw their arms off of you, turning away from their lips.

"You already have!" Zoë yells at you for the first time in their life. "You said yes to him so am I supposed to just let that happen?! You expect me to be okay with this?!"

You start to cry,wiping away one tear at a time. But Zoë is not yet finished. "Marriage is not the only option! You can do whatever you please and I will encourage you! I may not be able to protect you from the judgment of others but I can give you every piece of me that I have to offer"

"Zoë" Your voice is a caustic attempt at speech. The pain comes from a place deep within which has festered for years. You sob like a little girl who has lost her new toy, like a child without a mother. "I can't!"

You are hysterical, face hidden in your hands-full of shame. You aren't sure if you are more ashamed of; being a coward or the fact that you were born this way. You asked for none of this suffering, you crave happiness. "I think you should go"

"So that's it? This is how we are ending things?"

The worst part of it all is that you fail to answer although truth is-you couldn't even if you wanted to. You are far too agitated to even speak. Zoë hugs you tightly-you don't hug them back, you can only cry. Hange kisses your forehead and takes a deep breath in, they will soon forget your scent. What an awful thought.

And they cry too. For the rest of the night, until the early hours of the next morning they cry and mourn the loss of you. They knew it was coming, yet could not have been less prepared. It was too late, they were in far too deep. Your love gave Zoë life, what are they to do without it?

It is a sense of loss they are not familiar with. The loss of something that was never truly there. How do you get over something like that? With no prior experiences to connect this to, no set of rules to play by-Hange finds themself feeling hopeless. They do not enjoy change, it makes them feel itchy and uncertain. It controls her thoughts day and night. Every night they go to sleep hoping that by morning, it will all be over. That she will be over you. The weeks begin to blur by, it feels like it was just yesterday when they last saw you.

Yet at the same time it has felt like years, they remember your touch but soon begin to forget the sound of your voice. It is an off putting feeling they do not imagine themself ever growing accustomed to. The only thing they are certain of is that they will never allow themself to be put in a position to be hurt like this again.

When Erwin gets an invitation to your wedding he tries to hide it but Hange is usually the first person in his office during the mornings. They spot it almost immediately.

And then they feel sick for the rest of the week. They cannot focus on anything. Or think properly. Or eat. Most hours are spent staring blankly ahead. It is so bad that Levi of all people is the one to finally say something.

"Hange, the hell's wrong with you?" Levi questions as his comrade's hands shakily fumble with the ODM gear they were supposed to be fixing. Usually the repair process is quite easy, he has watched them glide through piles of trash and turn it into treasure. But on this particular evening it seems to be taking twice as long.

"Nothing" They insist-voice cold and emotionless.

Levi sighs. There is no one else in the world he would do this for, whom he would press further to delve into their personal problems. He has no idea the amount of times he had to stop members of his squad from doing the same thing. He doesn't care about what the hell anyones has going on outside of work-not one to ever ask a question as simple as 'how are you doing?'. But he will tonight because he cares for his friend although it may be painful to admit. "Any chance this has something to do with the fact that Yn is getting married next week?"

"Oh, is she?" Hange halfheartedly mumbles, simply pretending they cannot hear, the same way they pretend that it does not make them feel sick to be apart from you. "Had no idea" Their vision remains focused on the piece of metal in front of them. They very well may burst into tears should Levi continue to press on the matter.

"Damn it" The man groans. He hates this, he's objectively terrible at conversations like these. But he will do it for Zoë. "You can tell me, you know? I mean I was there when it was all just a stupid delusion-I doubted you for a long time. You know that but in the end you were right-the two of you have something special".

"Had"

"Huh?"

"We had something special. Then James got promoted and her father died, and I was gone, and I never even got the chance to hold her one last time-to love her once more. I came back from a month long expedition just to say goodbye" Hange has finally given up on fixing the gear, now resting back on the cold floor as their brain scrambles for ways to make Levi understand. "I will never be fortunate enough to get the closure I need"

"Closure is for dumbasses" Hange scoffs at the man's words. "It's not real, you have to accept what happened no matter what. If you guys had a conversation today would things still remain the same?"

"Yes" Zoë sighs. And that is the end of the conversation, they do not have it in them to argue. Especially on the topic of you which has been exhausted already. Months have been dedicated to you. Hours of pining and reminiscing on every little thing Hange can remember about you. How it gets harder each day to recall those glimpses of ataraxia the two of you shared.

Those days are over, Hange needs to accept it. They sigh, throwing their head into their hands the night grows into morning. Perhaps they just need some rest, maybe a few days off to collect themself. Rather than throw themself into work in an attempt to forget. Before he leaves, Levi is sure to pat Zoë's shoulder.

"You'll be all right Hange. You deserve better"

Maybe they do deserve better than you. They deserve someone whose love will never be a question, who can be honest in their emotion. It gives her a bit of hope, makes it easier to move through the day. That this is not the end all, be all. There is so much more life to live. It was starting to grow pathetic, really. They must face another day, there are still titans to study after all-more expeditions to be sought out.

Love is the last thing which should consume their mind.

The day after you were supposed to be wed is like any other for Hange. They almost forgot that the wedding was supposed to take place this week. It is hard to ignore that thought completely but they try their hardest.

Although that would soon become impossible seeing that you are marching up the stairs of the Scout Regiment Headquarters. Despite multiple protests for you to turn back around. Especially from Levi-who tried to physically stop you.

"They don't wish to see you" He claims, arms crossed as you are brave enough to push Humanity's strongest square in the chest.

You curse at him. "I didn't ask you, shorty!"

He follows you up the stairs, insults escape his lips when he can think them up. You have no idea what you are doing or where you are, calling out Hange's name at each floor as Levi scolds you.

You are surprised he didn't grab you and throw you back down the stairs. You should be grateful, really.

"Don't you have a husband to nag?" Levi scoffs.

"Don't you?!" You spit back and for a moment he looks genuinely offended. "And no! I do not, thank you very much! I didn't go through with it!"

You begin to run, knowing Zoë has mentioned something about being on the top floors. When you feel like you have gone far enough you walk down a hall which you have no clue will lead you to. It just feels right, something inside tells you Zoë is near. Grabbing a young scout who seems to be on cleaning duty, you scream at them.

"Where is Zoë Hange?!"

They point a terrified shaky finger towards the door at the end of the hall. One that leads directly into Zoë's office. You stumble in without a second thought as to what you would say when you arrive. The idea came this morning to pay a visit to Zoë and you just went with it. The need to see her seemed to override anything else.

Zoë looks up from the papers they were previously filling out, mouth agape to meet the sight of you. The only thing which has, in a word-terrorized their mind for months. "Yn what are you doing here?"

You are gasping, clutching your chest as the many flights of stairs is getting to you. Perhaps the adrenaline of showing up unannounced on the person you love the most was wearing off.

"Zoë" You sigh with the heartache of someone wounded. Someone who is dying. "Oh, my Zoë"

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

[lord-of-the-noodles]

Spoilers for apothecary diaries episode 20 season 2

We have been spoiled with this episode. A maomao bit and a Jinshi bit wow.

i'm using this post to kind of take notes during my second watch so if it's a bit disorganized that's why

ok so first they mention a previous apothecary, since we now also know that suirei is in fact not the daughter of the servant and the doctor (i really thought she was) and since i by checkov's gun still believe that that information was important, it might be that the previous apothecary was that doctor although i have 0 evidence for that

ALSO WE GOT CONFORMATION THAT SHISUI IS LOULAN ANNSJSUSBDBDJSBSJDU YIPPY

Oh and i forgot the opening, i skipped the opening. has the mask that maomao dropped always been gray???? because it finally makes sense why that circle maomao stands in is green and red it's a hint too the colorblindness

also seeing that loulan is colorblind i'm guessing that shishou was gonna use being colorblind as some sort of "actually i'm closer to the first mother so i should rule the country" bullshit

(the reason i don't doubt that shishou is colorblind is that the to me most famous red green colorblindness is on the X chromosome, since in basic cases woman have two of those they have a spare of that gen and since in basic cases men have only one they don't have the spare one[this is also why it's more common in men than in woman], this also tells us it's recessive so for shisui to have it both her parents must have passed it on to her and since shishou probably only has one X chromosome the trait will be present )

she's so close so close to figuring out jinshi's identity and then just nevermind that's not what's important right now, GIRL

also maomao being again distracted by medicine... like it's really good from a story perspective because it czments her character but GIRL

also love how her disinterest in studying anything outside of medicine comes to bite her in the butt, it makes her feel more alive that she doesn't magical know everything

also kyou-u 's mother is what???? what up with the people in lady shenmei's room, why is she drugging them???? do those children come from the people in lady shenmei's room? why is she doing this???? what was kyou-u about to say??? why can't i find him between the characters on the wiki????

now the part with jinshi

WE GET TO SEE 3 !!!!!! 3 NEW SIDES OF LAKAN (stern father, nephew and servant)

also the way lahan is like "ah dammit my father is upset time to call in the big guns" abd then brings loumen like this should calm him down is hilarious

and the way lakan is pressuring jinshi to take actions, pressing jinshi's buttons is just amazing

the switch from angry father to flustered nephew when loumen casually strolls in is so funny and jinshi's shocked face + lahan completely out of breath is just hilarious

jinshi's judging face "exchange? i didn't say anything bitch"

oh and the ending is so beautiful we're gonna get to see the moon prince next episode (probably i avoid watching the newt episode part)

ahqbbzbzjznenejezj8 already exited for the next episode

[brianwashere]

hello!! saw your writing today in my tags and got interested, read some more and you seem really cool :D i got one fic stuck in my head though, the one you posted earlier today with the 7 foot spider reader! it was really cool but i kind of thought about a follow up (and I made sure to check your rules before this)

i was thinking, m/n is really big, intimidating and generally a badass- however. in bed (nsfw) he’s inexperienced, shy af, and ends up just being really submissive (you actually didn’t specify if you prefer dom or sub reader, i assumed you mind neither, but if u don’t feel comfortable with this then just ignore)

thank you, and keep up your great works so far :D

Anon, you’re officially my favorite fucking person ever. Oh my god. This req. warmed my heart. Idek what. It just did. Thank you for reading my other fics too. Wow. I’m reeling rn.

Also you didn’t specify who with so I just did HCs for Noir and Miguel

Pls req again soon! You’re so sweet

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from marvel or sony **

Summary: look at req

Tw: explicit activities ehehehehe, language

-Miguel-

The first time you two try anything he’s expecting you to be all dominant and get his ass blasted

Y’all two are making out and he’s ready to take it to the next level

And you’re nervous cause you know he’s expecting you to be this super experienced “knows how to make you scream immediately” kinda guy

The truth is you haven’t had much experience because while people may be into the whole “huge man” thing they’re too scared to actually come up to you and even have a conversation

And you’re also scared of hurting your partner

Just a mix of things that led you to little experience

It doesn’t take long for Miguel to figure it out

As soon as you glanced at his face nervously he knew something was up

At first Miguel is surprised bcc he would’ve expected men and women to practically be hanging from you

Once he recovers from the initial shock he’s down with topping and showing you the ropes

It’s a bit of a boost to his ego, not to mention a massive turn on for him

He never lets you shy away from him/cover your face. He loves seeing you. He knows he’s not stronger than you but he’ll still pull your hands away/pull you closer

But sometimes he does wanna be on bottom

Queue very erotic teaching sessions

When you do something he likes he’ll definitely over exaggerate so you’ll know

He also loves marking you up in more…intense ways because he knows it won’t really hurt you

Clawing your back. He’ll claw the SHIT out of your back.

Biting you too. Sometimes he just can’t help it

He finds out you have god tier stamina and impecable recovery time and will definitely use that to his advantage

*cough cough* Overstimulation and denial *cough cough*

He’s down to do whatever you’re comfortable with but sometimes he really needs some stress relief i.e. getting a blowjob or just fucking you senseless

He won’t admit it but he likes when he’s the little spoon after you two are done

~Noir~

You got nervous and told him the first make out session that you had practically no experience

He was a little taken aback, again, you’re so big and so hot how could people not be lining up for a piece of you

It makes him feel even more lucky to be with you though

“Oh…that’s ok, dear. We’ll take it slow, then.”

Then he finds out your submissive too and he’s pretty sure he has a heart attack

Now he was pretty vanilla at first but then he found the internet and stumbled upon some kinks and did some…research

Behind. He loves seeing your back muscles move and twist under him

He likes tying your wrists together with some of his webbing

It’s strong enough that it could actually hold you if you tried resisting, maybe not for very long, but it wouldn’t snap like thread at the slightest pressure

He loves praising you. Praise. All the time. Always praise. You could breathe and he’d be on his knees for you

Every time he does something new he asks if you’re ok with it

He’ll be gentle if that’s what you want but he figures out that’s usually not the case

Usually you want everything he’s got, as much as he’ll provide you

He does love soft romantic nights with you though

Where he gets to enjoy your large beautiful frame and your contrasting shyness

When he gets to slow down and drink in ALL of you

The noises you make, the small movements, your incoherent mumbling

He loves ALL of it

He’s so down bad for you not even a joke

A little guilty pleasure for him is kissing you senseless

He loves being the big spoon for you, even if it just feels like a backpack is attached to you

[larry-is-my-anchor1]

So rewatching 911, I’m on season 7 episode 5.

And the episode is titled “You Don’t Know Me.”

This is of course only my own speculation but I’m beginning to think that Eddie and Buck had their own self exploration journey around the same time. They just didn’t perhaps realise it? And neither did we the viewer?

Buck of course relapses he’s bisexual but I still believe his feelings about that were conflicted. Yes, we see him getting a tour from Tommy of the chopper rescue unit of the lafd. Forgive me I forget the official name.

Anyway he realizes that Tommy has been talking to Eddie at the same time. Now is Buck jealous because he thinks Tommy is interested in Eddie? And he hasn’t figured out he’s into men. Hell, I’m relived his first choice wasn’t Eddie. Because Eddie will always be his end choice. His life choice. You’ll see. Or is Buck jealous because Eddie has a new friend and they do cool stuff together and they’re all not hanging out together. Even Christopher is amazed by Tommy. Buck is so angry that he takes it out on Eddie at the pick up basketball game. He even expressed several times to Maddie before and after he comes out he’s confused about Tommy. Then we figure out why. I don’t think Maddie believes that Tommy is end game also. I think she is waiting on Buck and also for Eddie to finally figure things out.

With Eddie in the same episode he moves in with Marisol. That’s pretty quick. Especially after he was having own attics about how fast he thought he was heading with Ana.

That’s how both how Buck and Eddie work.

Eddie even chided Buck once by advising him not to date anyone they save.

See I’m thinking Eddie sure likes sex with women but that’s how he was raised. Most Hispanic families are also very religious, led by one man and one woman married couples. That’s all he has known. And the first girl he has sex with he gets pregnant. Maybe the magic he was feeling is how he thought it was supposed to go with a woman.

But then when things get serious something inside of him realizes it’s not what he wants. It’s what he thinks he needs.

Now with Marisol he’s essentially fucking a former nun. He is a man who was raised Catholic, baptized, went to Catholic school, confession, communion and confirmation. All that jazz. In a Catholic raised household there is great respect for the church and all the figures in it.

Eddie begins to unravel. First at desiccating a holy person. Even a once holy person.

Clearly trauma and grief have layers. They never truly end. So the entire thing happens with Kim. Eddie not only is dumped by Marisol but also what it did to Chris.

Of course Eddie’s parents are full of glee because they never wanted Christopher to have left. He’s their do over chance after all.

Eddie feels guilty for being needs. He’s supposed to be the silent quiet type. Always having it together. The only appropriate emotion men can show is toughness.

Sure when raising Christopher he wants to be better.

But anger is what he reverts to because that’s the emotion he understands. When he goes back to briefly fighting. When he was in the army. When he yelled at Buck even at the supermarket. He picks the most hard course emotion to hide in.

Eddie is in full turmoil and hates himself.

It’s such a bad thing in society and Hispanic families to be seen as Gay. Or at all soft. Or feminine. That it can’t be that.

Why is it bad that he’s so loving to and kind to Chris. He pours all of his tenderness into being Chris’s father.

He’s hiding in this image of what he thinks his parents wants. That when he found Kim, it was a shock. He thought possibly wow I could hide again with this woman. Some how give Chris back what he needs. He didn’t even ask Chris. He didn’t realise what he was doing. Which was hiding again.

I truly hope there is a back story when Eddie is in El Paso of all the times Eddie wanted to be tender. Wanted to be himself and couldn’t.

My heart breaks for Eddie.

[not-goldy]

I've done a lot of thinking. Kind of long thoughts. Sorry.

When we got news BTS was joining MS. I threw up at the thought of Jimin going & panicking on behalf of Jikook. I remember saying I don't think Jikook can go 2 years without each other are they gonna make it, more importantly is Jungkook gonna be okay? Spoiler alert. The answer is NO & we saw that with his breakdown when Jimin was in reach, but busy during Chapter 2. Had that man in a downward spiral knowing he was still seeing Jimin & could pop over, but not as much as he's use too & was not coping well and told us & showed us he wanted his Jimin. Then it was Jimin's turn to pout when Jk was busy. Made me sad but then we saw them making the best of 2023 spending alone vacations together & couple days, even days before enlisting. And I was like pheew, at least they're spending time together so maybe when separation comes, they'll be okay. Spoiler alert. Jikook said NO we won't be okay & pulled the biggest FU you aren't separating us move, that's ever been pulled. I be damn if they weren't behind the scenes making arrangements to not only be together, but share a bed, a unit, living area & in a buddy program that has it where they even take their vacation days together & see each other every day til discharge. Blew my damn mind, but at the same time not shocked cause of course Jikook would pull off something like that. Everyone should've seen it coming to be honest. JUST WOW. The real definition of "Screaming, I testify that we'll survive the test of time. They can't deny our love. They can't divide us, we'll survive the test of time. I promise I'll be right here."

That said. This woman pulling this with Jimin or that woman with Jk. Doesn't matter. I know regardless of what happens behind closed doors, my duo are the closest no matter what anyone says. Its a real genuine bond no one can break, not even random women or men for that matter. They're the two who are spending time in their rooms when they could be with others, spending their vacations off camera alone cooking at their house or coming back home together from LA when others went off on their vacations & them spending couple days together over everyone else. Enlisting together & making life decisions together. Dropping honorifics to show their closeness & even their parents show constant support toward the other. Who make time for each other on their birthdays & really commit to it year after year. Say what you want but I'm at peace knowing how much Jikook truly love each other. Its not fake or baiting. They're genuinely close & comfortable with each other, esp enough to cross friendship boundaries. Whatever that means for them. Take that how you want. I haven't been stanning two people who are exaggerating & making their bond seem closer then what it is for the sake of the group or to entertain fans, when in reality they're off building a relationship & life with their real partner over each other & don't even spend significant holidays or birthdays or couple days together. NO. Instead, I'm stanning Jikook who always put each other first (over their own partners if they have them) for when it really matters, including on couple days & does it year after year & are consistent. Jikook have proven for years they're the closest & the military enlistment solidified that cause you only join with a buddy program with friends you are the closet too or with your actual partner. Take your pick, cause we know both can apply here and Jikook did that. And no one can take that away from them. And guess what they're still together today through all the bullshit and hate. And that matters to me & I support whatever they have. They have nothing else they need to prove to me. I get others need more validation, but I'm content & at peace & just happy knowing while all this melodramatic bullshit is going down, that Jikook have each other and Jimin is not dealing with this alone. They have each other to rely on through good and bad in there. So I sleep well at night knowing that. They'll never make me hate you or turn my back on your Jikook. Thanks for listening.

Been awhile I read something interesting in my Ask box so thanks for your thoughts.

The Jimin going away had us all too so I understand what you mean. We try not to victimize him and treat him like a fragile being but sometimes instincts override our every senses.

I wanna dwell on that a little bit to say things are going much better than I thought.

The anxiety and panic attacks thinking he can't take that isolation for long but bro went in there and dominated 💀

It's a fuck you to every single person who thought him a feeble weak submissive gay man. Don't you just love it when it's the stigmatized gay ones who end up setting the standard of the ever cherished male masculinty and who end up dominating the upper echelons of their prized male sports???

Who's your daddy

Better say his name bitch

I feel yuh on the other stuff too

We riding till the wheels fall off

Old Town road style 😎

[starlightsearches]

star!! hello!! ☺️

I have been once again thinking about the arranged marriage au (frankly, I'm often thinking of the arranged marriage au lmao) and I also saw your post from yesterday (👀👀) so I thought I'd send in a question that I've been meaning to ask you for a while if that's okay!

my question is: how do you think the other officers (esp. like the older imperials) reacted to Hux marrying RC? were they like "wow finally he's doing something respectable?" or were they more like "yeah of course Hux would have to buy a wife?" or do they just not care at all? or did they have another reaction that I didn't think of?

and this is totally just if you have thoughts or if you want to answer - no pressure at all ever! 🥰🥰

and also, very unrelated to the question but still related to the arranged marriage au, I was listening to "uptown girl" by billy joel today (as one does lol) and I was thinking it's very Hux and his wife coded!! ☺️💕

okay that's all my random thoughts for today! ☺️ sending you love and wishing you strength to push through the last little bit until spring break!! 🥰🥰

Charlotte, my love!! I've missed seeing you on my dash 💖 I'm gonna ramble so I'll put my answers under the cut :0)

This is such a good question! I imagine that Hux probably had to share his plans in a meeting at some point, and the idea makes me laugh.

It would be some kind of strategy session or an update on progress made with certain allies—a semi-regular meeting that everybody dreads—and it's literally like Hux and a bunch of old-ass ex-imperials who make up the political arm of the Order, making vague threats and letting out barely concealed insults as they tick off agenda items and wait for the meeting to be over so they can all bitch in private.

Hux added something vague to the end of the agenda about a potential alliance and proceeds to sweat bullets throughout the whole meeting, certain that they can all smell the weakness on him, that they know. Lots of these men knew (and approved of) Brendol, and that's not something he can forget easily.

Hux manages to remain professional when he states his intentions to marry, claims it's all for the benefit of the Order (no other reason 👀), and he actually kind of sells it?

The ex-imperials are surprised, certainly, but also almost impressed. They're so used to butting heads with Hux, practically ripping their hair out because he's so stubborn and why can't he just see things their way?? Most of the men in that room were married for similar reasons, and they're honestly shocked he would do the smart thing for once.

It earns him a bit of grudging respect for a little while, but then they see him actually interact with RC after the marriage and they're like, "oops, our mistake. this guy is a total fuck-up 👍🏻."

In terms of the rest of the officers, there's so much comedic potential in Hux not telling anybody that he's gonna get married. I imagine that he put something benign in Mitaka's schedule on the day of the wedding about like "diplomatic visit" and when they get there Mitaka's like, "sir, this is a wedding," and Hux is like, "duh, I'm getting married."

I think opinions on the ship range from "what the fuck?" to "maybe he'll be less of an asshole if he's getting laid regularly." RC's initial experiences on the ship are . . . less-than-friendly.

Uptown Girl is a great Hux and wife song! It really is very strange for him to be around someone so soft and loving 🥰

Thanks for chatting with me, as always, my love!! I promise I will have new Hux and wife content for you to enjoy eventually!

[angelgoeslewd]

Hi, love your omegaverse hc about bsd guys 🩷🩷 I wonder how do you view others like Nikolai and Fyodor as Alphas? how would they be like with their omega?

thank u so much!!! i love u now 💕 also— my quest to omegaverse-ify the world is nearly complete

⚠️ warnings: 18+ content, minors DNI, graphic mentions of violence, brief mentions of manipulative behavior, what can be considered non-con behavior, stalking, kidnapping, drugging, murder, and sexual content. 18+ concepts of Omegaverse, like slick, mating, knotting, heats, and ruts, some BDSM concepts for Fyodor’s part — spanking and talk of role dynamics.

📝a/n: i really hope no one expected this to be light and fluffy. i love my dark twisted messed up little men. also this is way too long for how dark it is :/ sorry.

🌟 this work is being REWRITTEN! check back for the completion check ✅ and a new story with extra content!

[Chuuya, Dazai, and Ranpo here!]

Nikolai

unpopular opinion by the general public and ADA, but Nikolai is actually a decent Alpha!! the only downside is that u basically r in terrorist protection program for the rest of ur life 🤷‍♀️ and your boyfriend murders people in his spare time for fun but that’s a different moral dilemma.

but in all seriousness, Nikolai’s Omega is going to have to be all in from the moment they meet. Nikolai is the same. I get the sense that he lives in a very black-or-white world with little to no greys. If you are down for this man, the first couple of words out of your mouth need to be, “Wow,” followed by, “I need to be your Omega.” Otherwise he’s not going to listen to you and just keep rambling about birds and free will, then murder you. This will give him a moment’s pause, where you will get to plead your case on why you should be his Omega or appeal to his Alpha. Make it good. Nikolai will treat it like a game show and weigh the pros and cons.

If you manage to somehow make him blush, through complimenting his… techniques or get slick at his scent, Nikolai will cut the game short and whisk you away to the nearest bed to claim and knot you immediately. You aren’t getting away after that.

He’d also do very well with an Omega who is more straightforward. Being Fyodor’s second hand can be a bit… complex sometimes, and it definitely wears on him more than he lets on. I see Nikolai having his own twisted logic and Fyodor’s style of being dismissive, forcing his own games to played, and being so underhanded sometimes tires Gogol, regardless of how much he admires Fyodor. He wants to have his riddles untangled. He wants to just be told the truth to his face. An Omega who is blunt will get very far with him. He’d constantly bug you and try to make you smile or laugh. He would commit disgusting crimes in front of you just to see a shocked look on your face. He tie you up and force you to solve his puzzles before a timer runs out just to smell your scent mix with fear. He wants to make you show your emotions. He would love that challenge. Even if you despise him, he’ll still try to claim you. If that doesn’t work, there’s always stalking, kidnapping, and Stockholm syndrome. He can also be very manipulative.

In short, Nikolai will decide to claim you in a split second decision, if he feels like something about you appeals him. There’s no dating. At first.

Nikolai is a very clingy Alpha. Very clingy. I am on the verge of considering him a Yandere. Until he fully trusts you (which will be a while, consider he JUST MET YOU AND ALSO TRIED TO MURDER YOU) you’re gonna be on house arrest. By which I mean that you can go anywhere, it doesn’t really matter because he can find you no matter what, but you can’t talk to anyone. He will kill anyone who tries: Alpha, Omega, or Beta and apologize, lying to your face about them aiding your escape or whatever. He would think it hot if you encouraged him or ignored his actions (not him. his ACTIONS), wouldn’t really care of you scolded him or got angry. Just would shrug and remind you that you’re his Omega, his instincts want to protect you (lielielie- Nikolai is POSSESSIVE). And you better believe he’ll know. He will constantly have a portal open, watching you, ready to grab you at anytime. Not even cashiers are safe so it’s honestly better just to stay wherever he’s put you up and order whatever you need.

Yeah, your job? You’re gonna have to quit. Nikolai’s House Arrest extends to quite literally everyone. Get a new phone with no personal contacts. Make your family think you’ve died. Nikolai will even help you. But once you’ve fallen into his hands, you ARE his. He can amuse you, take care of you, he can be your everything, you don’t need anyone else.

After you’ve gain his trust (or the Stockholm syndrome is in full effect, whichever comes first), he’ll be a bit more lenient and let you out of his sight, but would still feel an awful amount of jealousy in his gut if he spies you talking to other people; God forbid it’s another Alpha. He’d lovebomb the hell out of you, then go and kill them when you’re sleeping off the 3 rounds he put you through. He’d really rather be the only one you talk to.

This Alpha loves to have you by him and would keep you there all the time if he could. He feels off when you aren’t by his side. Unfortunately, due to the nature of his ‘job,’ that’s not always the case. And if he knows there’s even a risk of danger, he’ll leave you in a safe place. Usually an extravagant hotel or a mansion he’s bought just for you in an undisclosed location. It’s usually filled with whatever your heart desires, desires you didn’t even know Nikolai knew about. If he’s just filming more propaganda or torturing, he’ll bring you along if you want. It won’t be pretty, but if you’re into that. Or if you just love him enough to want to do whatever makes him happy.

He would fuck you in the blood if you helped him or came on to him during that time. 100% turns him on seeing covered in the sticky, viscous liquid. Would compliment you on how “red is your color.” Nikolai loves an Omega who gets their hands dirty. Might even drive him into a rut.

Despite his occupation and image, when it comes to his Omega, Nikolai can act like a puppy for your love and affection, but it goes back and forward. He’ll beg you for kisses, other times he’ll just take them. He’ll portal in front of your face when you’re in line to check out and smooch you, leaving everyone confused. He’s a waist grabber too. He loves to pull you against him and feel your warmth as he shoves his tongue down your throat, then pull away like nothing happened and continue whatever rant he was on. He’s also a biter. Loves to mark you with bruises and bites, so… invest in a scarf.

He might seem innocent and innocuous and he partly is, but the choices he gives you are never really your own to decide. Like asking you where you want to go on a date. Which is sweet of him to even allow, considering you’re basically his hostage. You can’t say that you’re too tired, because he’ll whisk you away to Paris despite your objections. He does make it worth it though.

He wants to have his hands on you 24/7. They’re so big and warm too, that it’s really hard not to want them on you. He loves hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulders, one hand sneaking up, one hand sneaking down, fingering you until your slick drips down his wrist and then he’ll bite the tip of his glove… slowly pull them off, tasting you and the leather… and yeah. Rest of your plans be damned. You’re on his knot.

You’re the only one (besides Fyodor, who sees every side of everyone) that usually sees Nikolai’s softer side. He’s the type of Alpha who cuddles you to his chest at night, then wakes you up to breakfast in bed. His sadistic side is somehow quelled by you. He loves when you trace your fingers against his chest and can depend on him to be with you through your heats no matter what. He’ll massage your stomach if the cramps get too bad but it does leave you wondering why he didn’t just knot you like any other Alpha would do, your thoughts trailing back to his “free will” phenomenon. Are these his choices or yours? Do you have any impact on what he does or not?

It’s partly part of his own game. He likes to see what makes you tick, but he refuses to break his favorite toy. He walks the fine line between breaking you in and breaking you completely.

His ruts are another story. Without you, he was rather tame and usually just ignored his wants completely. Of course, he finds a release in other ways… usually by murder. Let’s just make that clear. He’s still quite blood thirsty. But with you…

He’s completely unhinged. Gives into his desires in the worst possible way, free will be damned when he has an Omega, his Omega, on his cock. He’s brutal, so be prepared. Takes you doggy style, jackhammering into you, pressing up against your womb until the pressure is almost unbearable, pulling your hair back, you along with it, contorting you into unnatural positions until he finds his release deep inside of you. Refuses to cum anywhere that’s not inside of you. Leaves you scratched and bruised, hips and hole sore with how rough he is. His knot is huge too. Don’t be surprised if your sheets get bloodied.

He’s super tender with you afterwards though. Pampers you like Sigma or Chuuya would, but it feels so much more intense with him, because he pushes you to your absolute limit, physically. Blankets of some endangered creature that are beyond soft as to not irritate your skin, medication that heals you within a couple of days, which you still don’t understand where he got them or what they were. Baths, rich foods, affection beyond what is normal for him (which is saying a lot.)

Your heats are a toss up. He can either be as mean as he is in his rut, or he’s a complete tease. It’s some of the only times he gets to drive you wild instead, so he takes a lot of enjoy in playing a little cat and mouse with you and your pleasure. He’s either overstimulating you or making you beg. But other parts of it are tender and soft. Like when he helps you make the perfect nest. Or when he’s comforting you through the pain. Or when you’re whispering sweet nothings in his ear as he drives into you, pressing your legs back into a mating press, wondering if these are your true feelings or if this is the heat talking.

Despite the murder, which is a BIG despite, Nikolai is probably in second place for best Alpha you could have. Mainly because of the murder. And his conflicting personality. And the other unsavory practices within your relationship. But he takes care of you so well. And he will always protect you.

Fyodor

Let’s be honest here. How the hell did you even get in this scenario. Fyodor really isn’t one to take an Omega or even look for romantic interest in general, so being here is kinda a realm of extreme speculation. Why are you here? What is so extraordinary about you that led this man to you, first of all, and how do you get him to indulge in his most suppressed self? How do you keep him there long enough to get him to actually mate you? You have to really call him to get this far. You can’t be anyone normal. No lacky of his beliefs or regular person. He doesn’t care about that. You’re borderline his soulmate if you are.

If you do manage to actually get him to take an interest in you and not what you can do for him, not a political move or a piece to be played and discarded, you’re seriously in for it. Fyodor is not an easy Alpha to have.

He just barely ranks above Dazai because he can have his moments, but they’re usually pretty inauthentic and more of something he knows he’s expected to do as your Alpha; most of these moments are in public, but you might find him doing them when he’s running on autopilot too.

I’m not going to comment on how you got him to mate you because I honestly am at a loss for how that would even happen. He’s not one to do that, and feeling that urge, let alone acting on it, is something that he would never thought he’d do, even sadistically, to torture his worst enemies by taking their spoken for Omega, because it means he’s bound to someone. He’s now got someone he has to think about, not because he wants to, but because those fucking primal urges force him to. it’s a distraction to him and his goals.

if you match his intelligence, even with minute differences, he would rather see you as something to toy with. if you don’t, you’re something to be used. It’s an extremely difficult situation where you almost have to be playing him and catch him in a mood where the fact of that doesn’t piss him off too much that he immediately tries to kill you. Maybe more of an innocent game? Where you basically are only toying with him because you like him and want to be with him? Very Harley Quinn like.

Fyodor likes super submissive Omegas. And by “like,” I mean that it would almost be impossible for you to be a more pushy or dominant Omega because Fyodor has the whole power dynamic he likes (which is super unhealthy, dude, go 2 therapy) and refuses any other type of partner. A bratty Omega is ok, but you might want to be heavily masochistic if you go that route.

Fyodor loves spanking. I’m sorry but he does. He likes the feeling of punishing you so intimately. And you taking it like a good little Omega, tears in your eyes as you try to apologize or count his spanks. He’s partial to a belt or his hand. Loves making your ass bruised and nearly bloody. If you do bleed, he loves to sweep it up with his fingers and lick it. He also loves the next day, watching you try to hide your winces as you sit down or as the fabric of your bottoms brush against your ass. It gets him wanting to bend you over his desk and make it hurt all over again.

Speaking of his desk. COCKWARMING OMG. He absolutely adores when you’re below him in anyway, love to make you feel weak and powerless, but especially when he’s got work to do and commands that you keep him and his knot in your mouth until he’s done. You obey like Fyodor’s good little Omega would and he purposely drags it out because he’s an asshole. Likes to grab your hair and thrust down your throat frequently because he likes to hear you cough and gag. Then makes you stand on shaky, half-asleep legs while he fucks you. If you fall, he’ll make you start all over again. Yes. That means being away for ANOTHER 8-14 hours.

Besides his violent streak in sex, life with Fyodor almost feels… cold? He’s very withdrawn from your relationship. Thanks you for breakfast, then excuses himself. You have the rest of the day to yourself until he calls for you. I would seriously love to say that Fyodor would be super snuggly and loving because you’re his special Omega or whatever, but I just don’t think that’s really… in character for him. He will have moments where he enjoys your company though. Even without sex. Sometimes, when he’s in a good mood, he’ll sit you next to him, explain some hacking and coding, maybe twirl a strand of your hair between his fingers. But that’s about it.

Kisses are saved for public image and that’s it. He seriously probably never hugs you :/. The only reason he ranks above Dazai is because despite his intensity in sex and his ice queen personality, it’s really less to deal with then Dazai’s constant inner turmoil. Like Fyodor doesn’t have conflict in his mind. He’s super set in his path and whatever decisions he makes on that journey. You at least don’t expect warmth from this man. Unlike Dazai who acts pretty well. Plus you’re loaded and can do whatever you want 🤷‍♀️ idk kinda works for me

Fyodor will come to care about you more though. Kinda like those typical arranged marriages in movies? He becomes fond of you, I suppose the proper word would be. Like he doesn’t want to lose you, but if he does, oh well. He’ll miss your warm heat wrapped around him and delicious cooking. I’m sorry. Fyodor doesn’t know the meaning of love. He does end up referring to you as His Omega and gives you more important duties around his cult. Will smile at you (AND IT WILL BE A REAL SMILE) and tell you you did a good job. He’ll start to wrap an arm around you and hand you his jacket if he notices you shivering. Maybe even kiss the side of your head a little bit.

Ok. Maybe he’s a bit soft and a bit in love with you, but he will never admit that to even himself.

I really can’t see Fyodor having ruts due to his medical issues. He probably even has problems getting it up sometimes, which is fine, he still enjoys watching you suffer. Or pleasure yourself for him. Whichever. But if he did, they would probably only last a couple of days and actually make him really sick. He probably wouldn’t even be able to knot you. IM SORRY BUT IM BEING REALISTIC.

for p0rn reasons; if he wasn’t anemic, they would be extremely violent. He would be more apt to keeping you close without letting on that he likes you. You don’t realize that most people you talk to end up executed by Fyodor’s own hand. You don’t notice that he’s being walking around with you all day. You don’t realize how he’s glaring at everyone you pass. You do, however, notice that he’s jumping you the minute you get home and actually kissing you. It’s rough, with tongues and teeth, but he’s kissing you. His teeth graze your claim mark again, and he’s biting down, deepening it again. His hands around your waist, pushing you into the bed where he knots you, over and over again. Pushing his cum into you and making you hold it. Fucking you through every one of his knots, even though it burns. Fyodor is a bitey Alpha so you’ll have to clean up a lot of blood after his mating session. You almost wonder if he’s trying to absorb your blood or something.

Your heats will almost never line up with his. If they do, it’s by absolute pure chance. Fyodor is too withdrawn and he stays that way. He can let you in but it’s never for too long. He takes care of you with a knot and makes sure you have food and water, but it’s almost clinical the way he deals with it. Leaves almost immediately after, instructing you to call him when you need him.

(…Later, he’ll sit with you on the bed as your body feverishly aches, stroking the sweaty strands of hair from your forehead, never getting dirty himself but enough tenderness to make you realize that he’s there with you.)

[akwolfgrl]

Promise day 4

Zoro watched as they drew near to the Braite, the moon dipping below the horizon; the sun just started to peek out. He hadn't seen Sanji in a few months. He was busy trying to save enough money to buy new earrings. They were gold and dangle like his own, but they had a heart made from a blue gem. They caught the light just right and sparkled in a way that reminded Zoro of the shining across the sea. When he first saw them, he had to have them. They looked just like his mate's eyes. 

Johnny came to sit beside him yawning, it was still early. They sailed through the night. The Baratie would be getting ready for the day soon, Zoro was going to find Zeff and ask for Sanji's hand in marriage, he thought it was old fashioned but Curly loved romantic shit. Besides, the old geezer would kill him if he didn't. 

“Wow, is that what I think it is?” Johnny asked him, pointing at the weird fish shaped restaurant, and Sanji had told him about Zeffs chicken figurehead from back when he was a pirate. The old geezer had questionable taste when it came to the shapes of boats. “Man, I've heard of this place! The food is supposed to be to die for! There's always a good fight to see, and rumor has it there is a pretty blond omega who works there,” He felt Yosaku join them. “People saw he looks like an angel,”

“All ture, the pretty blonde's my mate,” Zoro proudly bragged. He wasn't jealous of other men looking. They had no chance. Women on the hand were a different story. 

“Wait, you have a mate?” Yosaku asked, shocked for some reason. 

“No fucking duh, the marks right thire,” Zoro pointed to the back of his neck, right where Sanji could always protect him. 

“Wow would ya look at that!”

“Way to go bro!”

Zoro spotted a blonde head out on the deck, most likely smoking a cigarette and having black tea watching the sun rise. Zoro couldn't wait anymore. He patted his haramaki, making sure the jewelry box was tucked away safely. Zoro stood up and jumped out of their small boat.

“Zoro!” 

“What are you doing?”

“I'm swimming to Sanji!” Their boat was going too slow, and he couldn't wait any longer, Zoro swam towards his omega, his Sanji. His heart was pounding in his chest at the thought of holding the blond in his arms once again. 

When he got to the deck, Sanji was waiting for him, his hair aglow in the early morning light. Zoro understood why people would compare Sanji to an angel…if they never met him. 

“Marmio? It's about damn time you made your way back here,” Sanji smirked. “Maybe you should stay in the water a little longer, I'll bring you some soap, and you can wash your smelly ass,” Sanji's smoke hearts betrayed how happy he was to see him. 

“See if I ever come for a visit again if you're gonna be like that,” Zoro huffed before climbing out of the water. 

“The old geezer would be happy,” 

“Well that's too damn bad for him,” Zoro grinned and scooped Sanji into his arms and spun him around. 

The blonde laughed and took his face in between his hands, his long fingers caressing his cheeks before their lips met. Zoro could taste the omegas tea and cigarettes. Something that shouldn't be so addictive but yet it was. When they finally came up for air, Zoro put Sanji back down 

"Marry me." The words tumbled out of his mouth as he returned Sanji to the floor.

The omega looked at him with amusement in his blue eyes, "Aren't you forgetting something,”

"What? Oh." Zoro dropped to one knee and took out the jewelry box. The earrings glittered in the sunlight. "Marry me, I don't wish to be apart from you for a second longer,”

“Yes!” Sanji launched himself at Zoro, knocking them both to the deck, kissing the life out of him. 

“Hey! You two no fucking on the deck!” Patty yelled at them. 

Zoro didn't need to look to know that Sanji was flipping the other alpha off.

[kajaono]

Part 1: Benedicts arc - How season 3 fixed a major issue of season 1

Because I hit the desktop picture limit this meta will be posted in two parts. (you can find part 2 here)

If you watch season 3 as a standalone season Benedicts coming out arc might feel rushed and without any build up. But if you look closer it is actually a really beautiful way of fixing a huge issue of season 1. Stick with me here.

Part 1: The very first trailer and the failure of season 1

When the very first trailer for Bridgerton season 1 dropped it included this short snippet:

Its part of a bigger sequence, containing a lot of people having sex, showing that Bridgerton is "different" then other period shows. Interesting here: all other sex scene shown in the trailer are straight, only this one here, showing Benedict, half undressed, in the middle of an orgy, is queer. So the very first time we see Benedict he is immediately connected to something queer. Many people even thought it is Benedict who is having sex with another man here, saying: "Ah that makes sense that they would make Benedict queer. It fits his characters." (remeber: we didn't knew the context of those two snippets yet)

So this was the expectation many people (me included) started into season 1.

Entering the picture: Lord Granville. Who already enters the show in episode 3. A cute artist who is clearly gay and starts hitting on Benedict.... i mean introduces him into the artist world.

A world that - from the beginning onwards - is strongly connected to lust.

And Benedict likes what he sees.

But what so interesting here. While Benedicts focus is clearly on the naked women in this moment, Lord Granvilles focus is clearly on Benedict.

And the show also plays with other romantic tropes, like the hidden meeting during night times, nervously looking around if someone will see him:

All of this raising your expectation that a queer love story is happening here.

And now, the orgy:

the scene opens with a lot of people having wild sex with eachother. From a modern POV it would just be normal if there are also a few queer people involved here

But nope, you don't see any queer people until!

Benedict is looking for a comfy place to make out with his female partner and discovers what is hidden behind closed doors. Queer people do exists, hidden in the shadows, but they exist. And men can sleep with men.

Shocked by the discovery that his new artist friend is gay (who could have guess?!/s) Benedict closes the door. He doesn't snitch but you can clearly see that he is in shock.

And here starts the huge failure of season 1 imo.

First at all we discover it is in fact NOT Benedict who is having sex with a man, so the season 1 trailer was in fact just queerbaiting. Benedict then turns around and has sex with two women instead. Something that is still considered scandalous, but not as scandalous as him sleeping with another man:

After Beneidct discovers Lord Granville and his boyfriend having sex, Benedict isn't disgusted, no, actually he is really open minded and still enjoys being around Lord Granville. His wife makes a joke, and you can see Benedict likes this little innuendo

The moment he starts to panic is when Lord Granville wants to introduce him to his boyfriend.

He panics and runs away. After that Lord Granville and his wife look at each other, sad. Like they hoped Benedict would understand. Wow I wonder what they wanted to imply here!

You think its over? HA! No! The queer storyline is coming back once again to haunt Benedict. Benedict walks up to Lord Granville and wants to talk about queer topics:

And now comes the most powerful, and most beautiful... and most pointless scene:

Why pointless you may ask? Because this scene leads nowhere. While Benedict is clearly moved by it, the queer storyline is immeditaly droped after that scene.

My theory was always that this was already a Sophie easter egg, showing how it will take courage for him to love a bastard... but come on... why a queer storyline as a mirror? It feels like the author said: "Yeah it is queer, we weren't lying about that. But it is not Benedict who happens to be queer."

But that doesn't change the fact that Benedicts whole season 1 arc is strongly connected to queerness and disocvering what is going behind closed doors.

That makes season 2 even more disappointing. Because the queer arc is not picked up again, actually completly ignored. Like it never happened.

Read how season 3 fixes that in part 2, here

[leroiestmortvivelareine]

tgr live journal - ch 16-17-18

i recorded all my reactions as I read tgr...

(all chapters)

tgr - ch 16-17-18

fan mail fan mail fan mail

how cool was the French girl's letter. so French

be honest - was Jean-Barkbark bestfriendism on anyone's bingo card

why are we losing baby Ravens?

exy exy exy exy exy

gods i missed game nights

see I told you love is a Very Big Deal to Jean

Jean Cat forehead kisses mmmm

wow Riko!!

awesome job keeping queers off your Perfect Court!

obviously you'll never win the award for tgr's funniest line when your competition is Jean and Andrew, but this is a very strong contender.

remind me again who was on the Perfect Court? Oh yes - Kevin (our gracious queen), Jean (bisexual disaster zone), Neil (Andrew's definitely not boyfriend), and Andrew (gay man who works at gay bar with gay cousin)

I'd say you were the token straight Riko... if it were true

ironically 2 straight men were simply desperate to get on the Perfect Court and REMIND ME WHAT YOU DID WITH THEM you absolute unit

Anyway. Full marks for affirmative action and thanks for finally getting off the bench and realising this is a comedy series... as well as a Scooby Doo cartoon, an episode of Sex and the City, and a spinoff of the Walking Dead. (I'd add Legally Blonde except Elle Woods actually studied for her LSATS.)

mmm so it was nothing but staring... Jean never got to kiss Kevin - i don't know if that is better or worse

(but it means he hasn't kissed anyone ever...)

(except maybe the girl in France?)

Jean mooning over the Trojan photos and not knowing what the shocking text was talking about lol

seriously though... if Kevin unintentionally outed Jean's crush on Jeremy, why didn't Riko shove the USC scandal down Jean's throat at every opportunity?

It makes no sense that he wouldn't. A scandal involving the competition? Cody said it was all over the news. Young as he was Riko must have known at the time, and could readily dig up any dirt he wanted (probably even the hidden details).

I mean it's possible Riko was being tactful to spare Jean's feelings but i can't help thinking we need an alternate theory

ok. got to workshop this

was Riko unable to see anything but Kevin?

maybe he didn't actually get that the focus was on Jeremy and just registered Jean's interest as 'various non-Kevin men'

(which sounds terribly sloppy for an obsessive psychological sadist. What are you? Bryson?)

but yeah maybe Riko really was just as scarily tunnel-visioned as his counterpart. Maybe his world also consisted of his father and exy and his crush, and everything else just faded into the periphery.

but no because Riko must have been super jealous that Kevin admired USC in any way. Why didn't he shove their scandal down Kevin's throat at every opportunity?

lol maybe he thought Kevin might start asking why the Ravens don't have cocaine-fuelled orgies and was nervous about being a disappointment

'Kevin come back, I can be fun I swear...'

exy exy exy exy exy

oh fuck

Zane

broken

yes very broken

ah and of course Neil ends up yet again an unwitting bone of contention between them

Zane came for answers but Jean is under a gag order

except... even without the story cooked up for the FBI, he actually DID want Neil as his partner, so yeah, it actually is the true answer, in every universe

'how could you choose Neil over me' - is Zane saying now what Kevin's always wanted to say to Andrew?

is this how broken Kevin felt, how furious, how disbelieving?

because it's a theme in aftg isn't it - when we miss an important reaction Nora shows it in a mirror

we didn't see Aaron reacting to his brother's rejection but we saw Riko reacting to his, and we know it was exactly as bad...

and... and we know from the ec... that Grayson's attack on Jean... was showing us some of what happened with Andrew...

what a mess

even Jean can see Zane's falling to pieces

but he's past caring

this is what you get when you cross a scorpion

but... it worked out in the end that Zane remained a grotesque parody of the abnormal, ugly violence of the nest, it was something concrete for Jean to reject... and his visit brought Jean's poison to the surface to get lanced at long last

I always knew Zane was essential to Jean's healing

but i guess I want to see him heal too

or at least drop the facade and show his real self (for more than a moment)

hate me all you like but I do

why? I think because... I'd like Jean to know he can help someone emotionally instead of always being the one being helped.

I still hold out hope for closure for Zane but I fear that will only ever come one way.

at least don't kill him before telling me his Raven number, i've heard 26 but haven't been able to substantiate

and all hail Rhemann! thank you thank you thank you

(Dadmack you will always be our dad)

Digging in the dirt ... to find the places we got hurt...

brb drawing a peach vine for Jean

peaches are the new cigarettes lol

Assistant - Ma'am, I have the head of the Stone Fruit Lobby to see you now

Nora *swirling a cocktail with her feet up on the desk of the Oval Office* - they better not lowball me like those dicks from the tobacco industry

(just kidding Nora ha ha please do not smite me)

Is it a surprise that Lucas ran for help? Jean did you forget Lucas tried physically to stop Grayson hitting you, and later urged you to press charges? He's shown nothing but misery and remorse ever since.

Don't you get that he wants to make up with you you dumbass

I mean you managed to reconcile your differences with Barkbark didn't you? can't we all just get along?

and by get along I mean team up and hunt Jeremy's exes for sport.

'Hey why does that French guy keep looking at me and mouthing the word 'pop'?' - Ivan probably

no, there's another reason it was Lucas who happened to come into the locker room. He overheard some of it, didn't he...

does he start to suspect that neither Grayson nor Zane are the true centre of the rot?

Honestly Jean this conviction that you're forbidden to look at men is starting to feel a bit contrived.

what lines can't you cross and why can't you cross them?

You play for the gayest team in the history of gay teams who are famous (except apparently not with anyone we know?) for gay orgies. You've just found out your coach is gay. Literally one paragraph earlier you recalled that the only Moriyama of any relevance gives zero fucks about Neil's relationship with a man, except as useful leverage. Must Ichirou hook up with Jeremy before you'll believe it's ok?

OH GODS PLEASE LET ICHIROU HOOK UP WITH JEREMY

or.... is it more about Jean buying into the Raven belief that emotional connections affect performance... because ok, that's more convincing

and tbh probably true in this case, given Jeremy's head explodes whenever Jean's accent gets too thick

Nora it was geologically irresponsible of you to put these two so close to an unstable faultline...

Except Jean is still rebounding from Kevin, and Jere long ago ditched quality for quantity, so who the hell knows where this is going

Golden Raven soars yass!!!

funny the conversation about being in love with Kevin was captured as a photo

just as Neil in the airport telling Andrew his real name was captured as a photo

can you tell something momentous was being said? are their secrets visible even without sound?

wait why does Jean need to pick up his phone? what'd i miss?

ok it's just at the locker cos he went straight to Rhemann and Adi's place

So now both our heroes have glaringly visible neck bruises, encircling them like barbed wire saying: Keep Out

Jean is getting resolution on his own terms

and Jeremy... Jeremy likes it rough I fear

this boy courts danger

all these key points in Jean's healing journey

-grieving for Elodie

-breaking down the tightly-wound chains around his grief

-agreeing to engage with Betsy

-defending against attackers

-even questioning his views on exy...

all these things we thought would come from Jeremy... and NONE of them came from Jeremy.

Jean is healing in his own right with all kinds of people; all Jeremy is providing is companionship.

'his friends' and Neil's'

lol Neil will never fit into any category

Jean deserves to get better!!!!

my golden Jean

my lovely, brave, caring Jean...

who is gonna kill Ivan dead as soon as humanly possible.

(< prev, next >)

[polkadotsandtulips]

My Thoughts on the Justin Baldoni/Blake Livey of it All

First of all, I don’t know what happened. The evidence is murky. I’m not Team Blake or Team Justin. I’m just Team Confused.

To back up to when the promo stuff was happening in August, I remember the whole Blake’s talking about flowers and Justin’s talking about DV. Then, negative stuff came out about Blake and everyone started hating on her. Me being the lover of messiness and gossip that I am eagerly clicked on the links to find out why Blake Lively was the worst. At the end, all I found was her being rude a few times, joking at inappropriate times, and being super sarcastic. Just not enough reasons to earn the vitriol she was receiving in my opinion.

On the flip side, people were lauding JB as this amazing superhuman. And I was like eh, he’s ok. I loved him on JtV but I didn’t know much about him personally. He seems very new age to me.

So after all that promo drama, I was like wow, this is a nothing burger. They probably just don’t click as coworkers.

Then comes late December and I find out it’s very much NOT a nothing burger. BL’s accusations against JB are very serious. They shocked me. I didn’t realize it was that bad on set. And the fact that she had so many specific examples really swayed me.

However, I did and still do think it was odd that she had possession of the texts/emails from JB’s PR team talking about how he planned to ruin her. How did she receive them? Did she come by them legally? Did JB’s PR breach contract and send them to her? Are they legitimate?

Because of this, I felt like more information was needed.

Then, we got Justin’s response and a little bit more back and forth between the both of them.

Things that don’t sit right with me or that I wonder about

BL claiming she was on the short stick of a power imbalance. Girl got to rewrite scenes, got her version of the film in theaters, and couldn’t even follow the guidance of her director to film a silent dance scene actually silent - she talked even when he was asking her to act it differently. She didn’t listen to him on the smallest of notes. Literally don’t talk. Yet, there was a power imbalance where she’s afraid of what he’ll do to her career? That’s hard for my brain to compute. Not to mention how she and her husband are huge A-listers and she’s good friends with Taylor Swift. I think their net worth is in the 100 millions while JB’s I don’t think is even 1/100th of that.

Just because BL said she didn’t want to do the intro meeting with the intimacy coordinator doesn’t mean she didn’t want there to be one at all. On IMDB, I see 3 intimacy coordinators listed for the movie so hopefully there was one on set.  I hope there’s further clarification on this because JB’s response to her claim about intimacy coordinators was not satisfactory at all.

Also, just because she said it was OK that he chat with her while she was breastfeeding once doesn’t mean he can visit during that time in the future.

Was Ryan Reynolds always this involved with the movie or was it a protective response to finding out BL was being sexually harassed?

The video JB released shows that BL does not have the best memory of these incidences which I think is a normal human thing. I feel like one of two things is happening. 1) BL is remembering more of how she felt than details of what happened. 2) BL is intentionally exaggerating what happened on set.

Someone can make you feel uncomfortable without sexually harassing you. This has happened to me many times. There are men who haven’t said or done anything inappropriate to me but I feel uncomfortable any time I have to be around them. I’m starting to wonder if maybe this is what happened with BL. He may truly have sexually harassed her or maybe his personality/vibe made her uncomfortable. I really don’t know.

If JB continues to show videos/evidence of how Bl misconstrued, misremembered, misinterpreted claims she made against him, it’s not going to look good on her part. 

I will say I think it’s smart of JB leaking all this evidence. The real court is the court of public opinion. 

I get why BL’s lawyers are trying to stop that but they dropped an explosive story on him days before Christmas. His whole world got turned upside down and his name and reputation were ruined. I think it is perfectly reasonable that he’s fighting back. I would prefer BL and co release their evidence so I could view it at home but if they take it to court then we’ll just have to wait and see how this all plays out.