#wow seb is super negative

[holdmyhopeinyourhands]

Makhy. I have an audacious question but I ask it not to shade or mock but to genuinely have your opinion. I dont know if I’ve just been reading too much toxic shit so it’s been weighing on my mind lately. Do you think Messi ruined PSG? It breaks my heart to ask this really as I’m a huge Messi fan but I guess it’s safe to say his time with Paris has not lived up to what we imagined it to be. I get so protective of him (lol i dont even know why cause he’s like a millionaire) and sometimes all I read from PSG fans is that Messi is the reason for their downfall. As a Messi fan, I think I’ve been spoiled to never had the experience of fans wishing my fave would leave their club. I never had that experience with Barcelona. With Argentina, it was a little more complicated especially between 2014-2018 but I think the global love for Messi helped muffle the negativity of Argentines who wanted to stone him. But with PSG? It’s like everybody and their mama wants him out and hates him and blames him for their club’s current state. So this experience has really been wild to me as I find myself for the first time dealing with vitriol comments from fans who want him out of their club. 😩 This sounds really corny. But like I take it so personally. Lmaoooo I sound so pathetic. I just wish his time with Paris had been better. Wish there wasnt as much drama and toxicity. Today, I know already they will get humiliated and the thought of Messi being the face of this defeat again kills me.

I hope you are doing well Makhy. I miss you talking about football but honestly I dont blame you for taking a step back from it. It’s all so toxic these days especially with PSG. It’s become a blame game lately. Fortunately for me, I also follow a bit of F1 because of Lewis and I’m excited this season. I think whatever happens with Lewis and Merc this year, I’m just going to enjoy his presence and racing. I think watching Seb last season taught me that.

We are really watching our sporting heroes age and retire huh? It feels so overwhelming as they have defined so much of my childhood. Seeing them grow old and in the final years of their career makes me emotional. When I watch Messi play football, I still feel like a little girl. And now he’s at the age of his finals years playing elite football and I’m old. It’s cruel but also funny how time flies and suddenly we are all older.

Hello my sweetest darling. You may ask for I shall answer. Personally I've wanted Messi out of this club too. Not because I didn't like him or because he's my favorite player but because the dawning horror of knowing he doesn't 'fit' has been overwhelming. It's weirdly complicated and depressing looking at the situation from a Messi admirer but not exactly a die hard fan's perspective. When he originally was supposed to sign with us I was both super excited because wtf wow and wary because I didn't think it was such a good idea. We had so many holes in our team, Messi 100% didn't want to be here if he had any other options and our team had just gotten rid of our captain who was one of the most loyal players in the club because they felt he was getting too old. All in all, this was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Add the Kylian situation, the neybappe strife and Kylian choosing to stay which earned him our undying loyalty and you have whatever psg is now.

Honestly, when the season first started and these idiots performed so well I nearly cried in relief because fuck, thank God it all worked out. Maybe things will calm down now, but nop, I was wrong and now here we are, disarrayed, disjointed, at each other's throat.

Messi doesn't belong here. It's not his fault and he's doing everything he can. He's working his ass off but the fans are always going to choose Kylian and I can't blame them for it. Whether Kylian chooses to leave in the end, he is Parisian and he's spent seven years here. He didn't have to, but he did and that means the world to psg, to us. But Messi is Messi. He is a living breathing legend and it fucking hurts seeing people turn on him and blame him. I was fine with it when he was at barca and we were playing them but he's here now. Doesn't he deserve some level of respect? Some kindness? So what if he didn't want to leave Barca. That was his home, who can blame him. But he's working hard now. He's here. So while he is, why hate him? Just appreciate the literal best player in the world while we have him.

On the other hand, so many Messi fans migrated to psg with him and honestly the obnoxiousness of some fans has driven the psg fans nuts so I can also see why they're lashing out. When every good thing the team does is attributed to Messi when our other players (especially Mbappe) are tributing equally as much if not more, I too have my shackles rising. Truth is, we don't need Messi. Not like Argentina did, not like Barca did. We would have been a clown club with or without him and dealing with loyal (only) Messi supporters who want us to act like the sun rises and falls with him is draining so yeah, I can also see why for that reason fans might want him to just leave.

In the end, I guess Messi is to you guys what Totti was to me and all roma fans. If Totti had been forced out of Roma and had to play for Man city or something I would be furious if they didn't appreciate him. I would be pissed if they acted like he was no big deal and wanted him to leave. Because fuck that, he is a legend, he is my legend and if we could have kept him we would so how dare they. So yeah, it's a redicuously stupidly complicated situation and it's so exhausting it makes me almost burst into tears because I came here to watch my idiot boys run around after a stupid ball and this is not what I signed up for.

Fans from both sides should just stop talking and enjoy a team (terrible as they are right now) that will never be see the likes of again, play togher. If they can do that, I think this fandom experience will be a lot more enjoyable. Til then, I'm just gonna stay on the way side supporting my circus quietly and staying out of the discord because it's frankly tiring and I can't anymore.

Also *hugs* I know how it feels to watch your legends retire so I'm here whenever you wanna rant and rave about your favs babe<3 And let me live in my delusional world pretending Lewis is immortal and will never retire, eeeeeeever. As for f1 in general, I swear if merc don't give Lewis a winning car this season I'm officially done with sports and will probantly drive off a cliff T_T

[buckysboobs]

Hey! So this is kinda random and in response to Anon talking about the TL role - and you can believe me or not- but a close friend of mine is related to someone who worked on the Pam/Tommy crew. You know how Seb usually always seemed kinda carefree in on-set pics and stuff? This relative told my friend that that's not totally how it was. It affected him negatively and people could really start to tell throughout filming. Lee is a real piece of work with a dark side so I don't doubt this at all.

really? that is actually a little heartbreaking to me because he always looked so happy and smiley and knowing how things must be bad behind the screen is very... wow. i hope he's doing well and that he takes a break. he did look super super tired. thank you for letting me know about this ! it explains alot <3

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Just a lot of personal rambling behind the cut on how I feel about the way “going out alone” seems to be portrayed in media these days.

So, this came across my Twitter timeline and I took a look because I often have to go to concerts, drag shows or wrestling shows alone. My bestest friends don't live close by, my sister and I don't share the same taste in almost anything and my brother tends to be a homebody unless it is something he is super passionate about. I have a local friend that is nice enough to let me tag along with her or will come with me to stuff she isn't even that big of a fan of, but I don't want to bother her constantly and she is often busy with her own interests. Therefore, if I wanna do and see things that mean a lot to me, I gotta suck it up and go alone. 

And funnily enough, it isn't something that ever crossed my mind to be bothered about, which is weird since I am overly affected by others' opinions of me. And I'm forever being told by people online I'm too old to like wrestling, drag and my favorite bands. So the fact that I've gone to so much stuff by myself is a hilarious contradiction to who I usually am, but I'm glad about that, for once.

2 years ago, I think, I decided to be impulsive and get myself a VIP package to a Simple Plan concert. I haven't followed their music for YEARS because I didn't connect with their self titled album all that much so they fell off my radar. However, I always check in on them from time to time and I saw that they were going on an anniversary tour to celebrate an album that meant a lot to me, I listened to on repeat and was just a big influence on my life. So, if they were gonna play that album, I wanted to go and if I wanted to go, I had to go by myself. I was able to afford a VIP package so why not treat myself while I'm at it?

I got in early and since I did not want any merch, I somehow grabbed a spot on the barricade all the way in front of the left hand side of the stage. And I had an absolute blast. The openers were good, Simple Plan was just as energetic, silly and great on stage as I remembered. And then afterwards, I got to go to the Pizza Party that came along with my VIP package.

I felt awkward collecting my slice and can of pop because THEN I realized, not only was I oldest than everyone there (which was ALWAYS the case when I went to SP shows, except for any guardians at the shows), I also seemed to be the ONLY one there all by myself. BUT, I had my phone and my NorCal bestie is on Cali time so I had someone to talk to and I ate my pizza and drank my pop on the floor and was fine. 

When 4 of 5 members of the band showed up (David D didn't attend), they spread out on the floor. And like a drag show I attended at the House of Blues once, there were separate lines to meet n greet the guys. It was super chill.

I didn't need to worry about the drummer, cuz no, haha. I will not get into my history with him. But for Jeff, Seb and Pierre, I got in line. Even though I had my phone, I also had my awesome camera that my brother got me years ago that takes fantastic concert photos and videos. But if I wanted a photo on there, I had to ask for help, so I did. I turned around and asked the group behind me if someone would please take the photo for me. 

Someone agreed and asked me if I was alone, and when I confirmed that I was, she said to me, "Wow, you're so brave." That comment has STUCK IN MY CRAW ever since.

Make no mistake, LIVING YOUR LIFE is definitely an act of bravery for millions of people who are not me. So I was, and still am, baffled as to why attending a concert alone would be considered an act of bravery by anyone. What is going on in the younger generation that they see being alone as brave? That is HELLA worrisome because to me, that translates into people surrounding themselves with WRONG crowds and/or staying in bad situations JUST so they won't be alone. And that is frightening to me.

I know I am not a great person, but I know I'm not a horrible person. I have problems and issues, but I'm surprisingly comfortable being with myself and only myself for the sake of going out and being able to enjoy shows and acts and concerts that bring me joy. Happiness is so fleeting as it is, so if I can go out and capture it for a few hours and the only caveat is that I must do so alone, I'm gonna do it! 

But then stuff like this article pops up on me and shows me that the culture as a whole seems to view being alone or doing things alone as negative. At least negatively enough that people wanna tell you why it is NOT bad, or give you tips on how to cover up the fact you're alone ... and it's like, I'm nobody but as someone who has done a lot alone, how can I help someone else see that it is not the end of the world? I've had some of the best times of my life when I was by myself. 

So at the end of all this pointless and nonsensical rambling, if someone made it, I just want you to know this:

Going out alone to enjoy the things you love is not a big deal and not anything you should feel bad about

If it makes you nervous or anxious? 100% get it and sympathize. That’s a different battle to be fought and I’ve had to fight that one as well. 

But in terms of just LIVING YOUR LIFE? Don’t let the prospect of fun pass you by just because you’ll have to go alone. I did that for a long time, regretting it pretty much EVERY time. But the times I’ve said EFF IT and just done it? I’ve had so much fun and nothing but good memories to keep in my heart. 

My next single outing will most likely be C2E2 in March in Chicago. I bought myself a weekend pass and a Doctors Photo Op with David Tennant and Matt Smith. I’m TRYING to convince my brother to go since he’s the one who got me INTO Doctor Who but he really doesn’t wanna go. So? Gotta suck it up and do it myself! I hate con crowds, but there’s SO MUCH to see and do at a con (went to C2E2 my first time all alone to meet my favorite author, Sherrilyn Kenyon) that the hours fly (if I’m not waiting on a photo op or autograph lol) and before I know it, it’s over. But I had fun seeing a lot of neat cosplay and cool merch and hopefully having a cool handshake with people I admire! 

[amandaj718]

Emmerdale Live and Organized - February 2, 2018

Welcome to the preshow! I’m writing is 10 minutes before the episode. This will be short. I’m excited, speculating all over the place and I can't be negative right now. There is too much coming to be negative. Only positive. 

Let’s crack on!

Robert/Ross

This is going to make the theory people crazy. Like SUPER crazy. I think they know this.

Lachlan is trying to figure out how to handle all of this. How to hide everything. AH, Will time. I wonder who was cut out.

Wishing Well

Lisa being salty makes my life fun. I adore Lisa.

Nicola does have nerve. Why doesn’t she want the estate managers job? She is better for it than Jimmy?

The Café Crew

Robert is talking to people in the village! YAY! Everyone is mixing well lately.

Babies in the house! *Smile*

Loving the Coira! Good to see them back.

Awkward. So awkward.

“You should make a beeping sound as you back that up.” – Moira to Cain *love it*

Oh. They are moving Faith in for good!

David’s Grocery

Harriet makes me sad. She is in a bad place.

Also, what happened to Franks storyline? Revenge?

Home Farm

Business Jimmy: Fresh out of the box.

OH. OOOHHHHH. Joe is being a real ass. Graham isn’t comfortable with it either. WOW.

OH MY GOD! JIMMY! SHIT. NO. GOD. WORSE FEAR!

Oh. Hey Noah. Thanks for showing up to Home Farm.

I love that Ross agrees with Noah about school.

Chess with Noah and Joe: Now Available on Hulu.

“You little demon!” – Joe to Noah

Awwww, Graham is left out or doesn’t trust Joe. Both works for me.

Eric’s House (Dingle hideaway)

Will time! Let’s see what went down.

Ronnie was cut out of the will! COLD Lawrence.

Lachlan seems obsessed with being rich.

Ah. Yes. Lachlan. Robert is so evil. SO EVIL. *cackles in the wind* *falls asleep*

Ok so…he doesn’t want Robert to have control of Seb’s money but doesn’t want Rebecca to remember? PICK A LANE LAHCLAN. I think you should pick kill Rebecca. Just my opinion. Don’t have to take it.

I still think Lachlan will try and convince Rebecca Robert is the main cause for the crash. Play up on her hatred of Robert. Start shit. Cause drama. Take Seb from Robert again.

The Pub Crew

Charity. Just do something good to do something good.

“…a big ball of string to play with!” – Cain *LOVE IT* *TELL HER OFF CAIN*

Laurel keeps showing up for Harriet. Do they end up working together soon? Maybe? God. I want Harriet to be in a better place. Poor girl.

Charity and Harriet hanging out is different and new. Mixing. Lots of good mixing of the village. Good. Very good.

God Charity. What else have you done to Cain? Why do I find this really funny? Why do I think Harriet is now in revenge mode?

Oh god! Harriet. Do it! DO IT! NO. NO ROCK. DON’T FOLLOW CHARITY! DON’T!

OH MY GOD! SHE WENT THE WRONG WAY! OH MY FREAKING GOD! I’M DYING OF LAUGHTER OVER HERE.

OH GOD! It was the new Vicars car! DAMN. Don’t you are blame Cain.

The Kings

Nicola isn’t seeing the whole picture.

Did Jimmy run home from work to freak out at his wife?!?! *snort*

Oh god. Is he having a heart attack?!?!

Jimmy remains adorable to me.  I assume he was the heart of the King Family. Hence why he is the King left standing. In a sense.

Robert/Lachlan/Rebecca

Lachlan. You are an asshole. Killed your family and blame Robert for it?

Yeah, he is worried…not about Rebecca though. His own ass.

“I’ve changed.” – Robert *Antis will still twist it because Antis aren’t worth anyone’s time now*

The witch is awake because she heard about the money. *SNORT* *Sorry…I’ll be nicer. I swear*

BLINK BLINK BLINK BLINK. Emily’s acting has been awoken. Let the blinking begin! *Bangs gavel*

‘It’s Just Speculation!’

As per usual: Stay off the message boards, respect each other’s opinions, breathe, reboot and eat a Snickers. If you want to talk theory or the show come on over to my Tumblr @amandaj718. Appreciate what I write? Buy me a cup of coffee over at my blog, Amanda Jane’s Randomly Organized Pop!

Until next time, see you around in Emmerdale!

[sebaxl-rosebach-love]

Loving around the Christmas tree, Chapter 2

Duff disappeared again in the kitchen. Their dinner didn’t look like it anymore. Killed by fire. Maybe the whole room was eaten by the blazes, starting from the oven, as if some Christmas spirit had wished to take revenge for the bad taste he had shown, having those horrible puppets over the fireplace. What a nightmare!

 "Come on, help me..." Sebastian whispered before lifting from the couch and opening the front door.

The frosty evening wind stormed in their direction, and a long shiver ran down his spine.

Sebastian swung his arm around Axl’s neck, before hanging the mistletoe over the door.

"Usually, lovers kiss when they are under the mistletoe. Don’t tell me you didn’t know it!"

His amber irises were looking for the brightness of the beloved’s emeralds, but they were covered by a veil of worry, which made Sebastian’s breath dry in his throat.

 "I know," Axl said, shuddering as he held his arms around Sebastian’s waist. "But you should remember that you chose to live a secret relationship, and Duff will come back in a few moments."

"This doesn’t mean that you can’t kiss me, my King. Also, the mistletoe is important, in Nordic tradition. I hope that you don’t want to disrespect my ancestors…"

Every excuse was good to enjoy the fullness of Axl’s silk lips pressed against his hungry mouth.

Meanwhile, strange sounds came from the kitchen. The poor chicken had a tanning treatment for too long, and its juicy skin had turned into a shriveled, black field. Any attempt to save it was unnecessary. With his head lowered down, he had to empty the whole content of the baking tray in the trash bin. He produced enough noise to wake up an entire pluton of soldiers, but Axl and Baz didn’t hear anything…

"Well, maybe they fall asleep ..." he thought, walking silently toward the room.

He saw the two figures, facing each other, joined by a bond he had ever seen with his own eyes.

They seemed to have come out of an ancient novel, which narrated a love that could destroy the soul, give it a new life. Give happiness to a miserable, foolish human being.

Sebastian leaned forward, his lips creaking around Axl's. His arms were tight around his shoulders. He was clinging to Baz… or he was obliging him to lower down even more. Duff noticed he was on tiptoe.

They both had eyes closed, and their lips were reverberating in an audible tune. They were filled with a sweetness out of the ordinary.

"I hope you're happy now, babe... and let me go now, Duff is no longer making any noise." Axl remarked, alarmingly as he slowly moved his face away from his lover.

Sebastian did not listen to him and, giggling, left him a couple of other popping kisses on his lips, tip of his nose and cheeks.

 "Oh, it seems like I’m in love with a vacuum cleaner." Axl complained, then flaunted once again on that voluptuous mouth, and stole another kiss.

 "Another one..." Seb whispered, grabbing his hips. He was extremely possessive, like he always need to protect his little one. Anytime, in every place, he felt like someone was ready to take him away.

"Mhmhm..." Axl murmured, before suing his request and diving again in that tide of sweetness.

 Duff blinked. Not one, not two, but at least a dozen times. And he rubbed his eyes almost as if he wanted to erase the images he had just admired in his unconsciousness that made him even more confused.

And he felt stupid. Extremely stupid.

Now that he saw them as they kissed, small pieces of a puzzle much larger than him were beginning to take shape… following a precise pattern that, once again, left him dumbfounded.

He could finally understand why they spent so much time together. Sebastian almost lived at Axl’s house, since he was always here when Duff wanted to visit his best friend. He tried too many times to infiltrate into GnR’s tour bus. The roses, chocolates, the sleepless nights Axl spent trying to write love songs for "No One".

Sure.

That “No One” now had a name.

The smile that increasingly faced on Axl’s lips, obscuring the sadness that for too long had characterized him, now had a reason.

He stood behind the doorstep for a few moments, and when the two lovers settled back on the couch, he came out.

"The chicken flew away." Announced Duff, sadly, with his arms crossed to the chest.

 "And your hair, too." replied Sebastian, who had already imagined himself armed with scissors, a hysterical laugh worthy of a super villain that exploded from the bottom of his throat.

"We could order a pizza." Axl suggested. He was the only person who proved to be really wise, in that ridiculous situation.

"But I wanted the chicken! And he burned it!"

Axl rolled his eyes and sighed, unconcerned. Being with Sebastian was equal to constantly look after 6’3 tall child.

"I didn’t! I mean, yes, I did, but… we were drinking chocolate and talking about music! C’mon, man. I’ll go to KFC. I’ll be back as soon as possible with a bunch of fried, tasty chicken.”

Eating fried chicken in company on a cold December night? It seemed like a dream.

Sebastian could still remember how long he had been waiting for such an occasion. Of course, eating together, during the tour, was happening all the time.

But, aside from that, there were more drawbacks, and they had never spent a day being / really / with each other. Conscious.

"Umh, I might say yes." He nodded, giving him a sideway look.

"But you’re getting it. I’m still offended, I loved that chicken so much."

Duff raised his hands in surrender and, before leaving the house, glanced in the direction of the crackling fireplace.

"Remember to add some firewood, please.”

“Yes, don’t worry.” They said together, exploding in a laugh.

They were alone again. They had much more time to spend together; they didn’t even know where the nearest KFC was situated.

The flames were slowly burning the pieces of wood, irradiating the two lovers with a warmth that, for too long, they had sought elsewhere. In the arms of other people.

“So, we’re alone.”

“Wow, you are a genius.”

“And you’re a bully!” Squealed Sebastian, giving him a pinch on the right arm.

“Baz?” Axl's voice lost two octaves. Baritone, a Clint Eastwood-like way of talking.

“Yeah, what’s going on, Will?”

It was strange to be called that way. Will.

Sebastian had insisted so much about that. Nobody, in fact, was allowed to use his real name. They didn’t even try. Only him, to stand apart from the others.

To his eyes, in fact, he showed up as the wonderful, angelic creature he was. The stage animal called Axl Rose became an adorable kitten. The same kitten that was nestled against his chest, rubbing his cheek over it several times.

"Nothing ... I'm so happy, you know?"

Sebastian's hand slid down his shoulders, more jealous than ever. “I’m so happy too, honey… I love you.”

It had been over a week since when, taking advantage of a small cut of loneliness, they managed to bare their feelings with such naturalness. Sebastian hugged him, as he wanted to give him a sort of consolation. Was he trembling, his little boy?

"Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing, I'm just not used to... I'm always afraid that someone will hear us. But… I love you too, Sebastian." He raised his face and left a new kiss on his juicy lips, followed by a sigh.

"Sooner or later we'll have to tell someone, at least Duff."

"I don’t think he's stupid. Surely he already knows it."

Axl just shook his head and, after closing his eyes, slumped to the care of the beloved, dragged into a vortex of fatigue.

The day spent by his side was memorable. Every drop of energy had been burnt. He needed to rest, and he wasn’t even thinking about the dinner that Duff was going to take home.

"Oh, what a sleepy angel we have right here…" murmured Sebastian, leaving him some kisses on the cheek and through his hair.

Sebastian closed his eyes too, being overwhelmed by the heaviness of the eyelids which struggled to remain raised.

Within ten minutes, Duff returned with a full bag of delicious fried chicken in his hands.

The scene that stood before him shocked him, and the entire content of the bag almost fell on the floor.

Axl's head was resting against Sebastian's chest, holding him in his arms as if he was a child. Their fingers were united in a firm grip, even though they were both heavily asleep.

"Okay, then. I'm not really stupid, and I don’t even have hallucinations." He thought, lifting his lips in a brief smile.

Their relationship came to his eyes in all its clarity.

They loved each other, and that was enough. They were two men, and there was nothing strange or negative with that.

He left the chicken on the table. Immediately, the two lovers were covered with a green, Christmas-designed blanket.

The happiness of his best friends was the best gift he could ever hope to receive.

[butwhatistrue]

Cut for length and negativity. SORRY MOBILE USERS

I’ve been kind of feeling like I should start dating again (disclaimer: seb and I are in an open relationship). It’s weird. On some level I really don’t want to bother with having more people in my life. In another sense I kind of crave some form of validation and human interaction. Maybe saying dating is too strong a word. It’s just that I don’t feel like I want new friends, either, and dating is sort of a more loose thing. I don’t know. Maybe I should take up some old friendships. I do want to see some of my friends from Viborg, whom I never see. But it just seems like such a hassle, and like at the end of the day, I’m better off alone.

Hm.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my ex and how I kind of miss him. In a weird way I may even miss him in a “romantic” sense, but not in a sensual or sexual sense, so he wouldn’t consider it that way.. Lol I dunno. What even is romance???? 

My best friend and I have an arrangement that we can’t chat, only if it’s about possibly meeting up. It means I’m kind of low on interaction, I guess.

I’m not very high maintenance either, but it just so happens that the people in my life don’t have the spoons these days, and that’s not their fault. 

Bringing someone new into my life probably won’t make much of a difference. But even still I kind of consider it. But it would be silly bc most people are higher maintenance than I care to provide. Or that is to say.. I don’t really get anything out of shallow relationships. And most people require a certain amount of interaction to maintain a deep relationship. The good thing about Seb is that they can manage a deep relationship without requiring interaction all the time. I really really appreciate that about them and our relationship. So I feel kind of like a traitor to our arrangement when I have this urge for More Interaction.

Mostly it’s the fact that I’m … bored. My life is kind of a snooze. I am kind of a snooze. I only really liven up and feel things when I’m with other people. But not just any people. I don’t know…

For a while watching Star Trek kind of put me in the zone of feeling things, but that is waning. Now I need to be mirroring someone to get excited about it. 

Existence seems so remarkably grey. Everything is low-key overwhelming, but not to the point of breakdown, bc there’s a lid on my emotions, and it’s not that bad. Makes me wish for something exciting. Considering discontinuing my meds again in the hope that I’ll develop some really interesting withdrawal symptoms or something. but i probably wont do that. 

I used to be the opposite of suicidal but I’m starting to kind of get it. not to worry anyone, i am in no way suicidal, but i really understand this emotion that life is really really long and really really bland and just a series of hardships and minor inconveniences and nothing positive to look forward to.

wow. debbie downer, hello. sorry.

Like. I don’t know. I guess I’m looking for a way out. I wish my brother was here in Denmark, then I’d watch silly cartoons with him, or maybe we’d continue watching farscape. It’s different to watch things with other people. When it’s just me it seems kind of pointless. Like I won’t be feeling anything anyhow. Or have any opinions. But when I can feel some else’s excitement it’s different.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I really relate to those fucking “wake me up inside” lyrics (well i dont know the whole song so can’t speak to that). that’s how edgy I am. 

But I don’t want to be edgy. that’s not me. I was always rooting for life when everyone around me had their emo phase or worse. not in an annoying way i think. wait. who am i kidding. I’m always annoying. lmao right now. rn im being super annoying. on mobile this is not gonna go under a read more and everyone will have to scroll forever. im so sorry mobile users. 

but just. hm. i dont know…. what im trying to say. i need constant validation bc my selfesteem is a bottomless pit and that’s probably nothing new but i always used to have clingy people in my life. now they’re pulling back. and the gaping wound left behind aint all that pretty. like . i dunno. who knows? not me

I wish 

for things to be… different

i want to be a better person. and i am a better person when i am with other people. but they have to be the right people! i feel so drained with most people?? honestly what even.. 

also i dont think im prepared to come out to my family as polyamorous so what even would be the point of dating again lol

[sundaycamesuddenly]

sebartie (whoops ;))

“Whoops” my ass.

Who starts most fights?

Sebastian, because honestly he can be a bit of a petulant child sometimes

Who surrenders at the end of most fights?

Also Sebastian, because he’s still new to the boyfriend thing and he’s a little scared that Artie is gonna change his mind and stop loving him if they fight. Plus it’s a good reason for Sebastian to kiss him, so there’s always that.

Who is more likely to cry during a fight?

Hmmm… I don’t think either of them are particularly likely to cry during a fight.

Who is more likely to storm out during a fight?

Rachel Berry Again, this seems like something neither would do.

Who is louder in fights?

Definitely Sebastian, he gets caught up in the moment and forgets to control his volume.

Who is more likely to throw things in fights?

Sebastian has come close, but has always caught himself in time and has never actually done.

Who is more likely to bring up past mistakes?

Sebastian, but probably just his own.

Who is more likely to give the silent treatment?

Sebastian, not because he’s trying to shut Artie out after a fight but rather because he normally needs some time to regroup his thoughts and move forward.

Who is more likely to blame the other?

Neither.

Who is more likely to blame themselves?

Both.

Who gets jealous more easily?

Artie, which Sebastian finds it endearing and just uses it as an excuse to kiss him.

Who is angered more easily?

Probably Sebastian.

Who is more likely to break off the relationship?

Sebastian, because he feels like he’s not a good enough boyfriend for Artie.

Who is more likely to threaten to leave?

Neither of them are enough of an asshole to do this.

Who is more likely to actually leave?

Sebastian, because he feels like he’s not a good enough boyfriend for Artie. (I don’t see the difference in questions here?)

Who is more likely to forget the other first?

Artie would if either ever did in the first place.