#wow rhat was longer than expected. haha
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i have a weird seesaw with myself
#like in the forefront of my brain i love myself. surface level oo im happy w appearance im proud of myself yadayada and i do believe that i#am all of those things. but i dont wanna mine too deep bc i know ill just find so much self loathing#i never sorted through it just pasted over it with overcomfidence and self love#and idk whats under there#amd i feel like deep down i hate myself so fucking much and hold myself so much lower than others#like ill have a thought and theres this little like ghost of a thought after that shuts it down#idk#its like. ill be sad then ill see someone be a little more sad then ill have this muted raging fucking storm in the back of my head thats#screaming at me that im so sefish and shitty for being sad when other people are worse than me#but at the forefront its a deadpan corporate ‘well everyones struggles are different’#wow rhat was longer than expected. haha#vent
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