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auroracalisto · 4 years ago

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only time will tell

Requested by @123cvcz: Hello，love！Would u like to do a Soulmate AU with Stefan Salvatore X Reader？Hope this isn’t bothering u，have a good day，love❤️

asldkfjalsdjkfas just as i was about to post this, my tumblr completely stopped working so i had to refresh. anywayyyyy other than that, thank you so much for requesting!! this was fun to do and i am so tempted to have a part two.

ps idk why the formatting is off give me a minute to fix it

pairings: soulmate!stefan x reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: uhhhhhhhh vampirism, you were turned, disappearances, cussing, not the whole shabang but it is the vampire diaries so take what you will

His timer didn’t start counting down until 1993. At that point in time, Stefan was 147. That would have meant that his soulmate had just been born. But it started at 21 years, 7 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, and 22 seconds.

He had often regarded the soulmate timer as a hoax. Damon had his and lost his soulmate. As soon as he met his soulmate, she died right in front of him. It sent Damon into a rage. And Damon nearly sent Stefan into another ripper phase.

But that’s a story for another time.

Stefan stepped out of his car, looking down at his wrist. It had decreased tremendously. Today, it read 2 hours. Sometimes, though, it had gained some time. As if something had changed with his soulmate and the universe said, “Enough is enough.” However, today was definitely different. It kept ticking down. And he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He looked towards the forest and let out a soft sigh. Klaus wasn’t up to anything good. Stefan and his friends had to do something to get Klaus to stop rampaging, as often as he did. So, they decided to meet up and formulate a plan, careful not to let any of the Mikaelson’s know of their whereabouts.

Damon would be with Elena. Caroline was somewhere. It was the same with Bonnie.

Stefan frowned. Something felt off… but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Stefan,” the man heard his brother’s voice. He frowned and he looked up, seeing Damon walking over with a frown. “We have a problem.”

Elena came up beside of him, followed by Caroline and Bonnie. Elena had a deep frown.

“Caroline’s sibling is missing,” Elena said.

Stefan frowned deeply as he looked at the girl. He quickly looked to Caroline. “Sibling? I thought you were an only child.”

“They were adopted when I was three. They were six… They left town as soon as they turned eighteen.”

“When was that?” Stefan looked at Damon, frowning. “Why haven’t I ever met them?”

Caroline crossed her arms over her chest. “[Your name] didn’t have contact with me for about a year before they finally messaged me. It was an email, with their location. They were literally in the middle of a small town in Alaska. [Your name] had no recollection of what happened… and then Klaus showed up,” Caroline cleared her throat. “He showed up and suddenly, they started sending me text messages. Daily. Always asking me how I am. I… I know [Your name]’s missing because I haven’t heard from them in about a day. And I think it has something to do with Klaus.”

Stefan stared Caroline down for a moment. “And you’re sure they’re missing? They haven’t just run off again, like they did before?”

Caroline frowned. “[Your name] got away because of the town. I knew it wasn’t because of me. Please, I just… I have a really bad feeling about this. I’m scared something bad has happened, Stefan.”

The vampire sighed and he ran a hand through his hair. “Alright. What do we do?”

“We need you to contact Klaus,” Elena said, coming up beside of him. “He trusts you more than any of us. The two of you used to be friends, yeah? Just ask him to meet up with you. Damon and I will go to his house and see if we can find them.”

Stefan frowned but nodded.

He found himself, just moments later, back at his car and calling Klaus from his cellphone.

“And to what do I owe this pleasure of hearing your annoying voice?”

Stefan rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Klaus. Listen. I need to talk to you. Do you think we could meet up somewhere?”

“Talk to me? Can you not just tell me now?”

“It has to be in private.”

Klaus sighed over the phone. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “Okay. Mystic Grill, ten minutes. I haven’t got all day, you know.”

“I know.”

—

Stefan leaned against the edge of the bar as he frowned at Klaus. Klaus kept looking towards the timer on Stefan’s wrist as it edged closer to half an hour.

Klaus smirked at his old friend.

“Are you expecting someone? Nervous, are we?”

“I’m not nervous,” he rolled his eyes and turned back to the counter. He took a sip of his whiskey, watching the ice clink against the edge of the glass.

Klaus rose an eyebrow. “Then why have you called me here, hm?”

“Well,” Stefan began, looking down at his phone.

Not here.

It was a text from Damon.

Stefan put his phone away and he looked up at Klaus.

“Let me ask you something, Klaus,” he said, clearing his throat. “Do you… do you know where Caroline’s—”

“Is Caroline here?” he asked, interrupting him completely. He smiled at the man. “I’ve been meaning to talk to her about something.”

“Talk to her about what?”

Klaus rose an eyebrow and he finished drinking his drink.

“Well, has she talked to you about [Your name]?”

Stefan turned to face the Original vampire.

“They came to me a few years ago. They had been turned and they had no idea where to turn to. You weren’t here and they were basically alone. They had made friends with Rebekah sometime ago and decided that they needed to find me,” he chuckled softly. “Low and behold, they found me.”

Stefan stared at him. “[Your name] left because they were turned?”

“That and other reasons,” a voice came from behind the two conversing men. “I’m [Your name]. Would you like to talk any louder? I don’t know if the office building down on main street heard you.”

Stefan quickly turned his head in your direction, his heart dropping to his stomach. His timer had stopped, blinking zero for just a moment.

You tilted your head in confusion before you turned your attention to your own timer. It read zero, just like the man in front of you had zero on his own.

“Who…”

You looked up at Stefan with wide eyes. “You must be Stefan. Klaus… told me that you were friends with my sister. Is she alright? Is she well?”

“She’s a vampire,” Stefan cleared his throat. “You… might want to talk to her on your own instead of asking me about her.”

“She’s a vampire?” you weakly asked, frowning. “That’s exactly why I tried to stay away—so she wouldn’t… Did you turn her?”

“No. No, I didn’t. I promise.”

You stared him down for a minute. You couldn’t help but look back down at your timer, sucking in a deep breath. “I… is yours… did yours just reach zero? Like mine did?”

Stefan nodded, watching you with soft eyes. “Yes. Mine did.”

“So that means…”

“You’re soulmates. Yes, great. Wonderful figuring this out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with Caroline—”

You rolled your eyes. “If you hurt her—”

Klaus shot you a glare before he left the two of you standing by the bar.

Stefan awkwardly cleared his throat. “I… I guess I should formally introduce myself. My name is Stefan Salvatore.”

You looked back at him, and you began to smile a bit. “[Your full name]. It’s nice to meet you, Stefan. I… wow, I just… I can’t believe I’ve found my soulmate.”

Stefan couldn’t help but smile at your comment. “I went for so long thinking I didn’t have one. It’s… nice to know that the only problem was time.”

#stefan salvatore #stefan salvatore x reader #x reader #stefan x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #reader is caroline's adopted sibling #caroline forbes #niklaus mikaelson #elena gilbert #damon salvatore #reader #the vampire diaries #soulmate au #timer soulmate au

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nomoregoldfish · 3 years ago

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I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

#i promise you the moon #i told sunset about you #ipytm #oab oabnithi #billkin #pp krit #rant post #asian lgbtq dramas #lgbtq #i promised you the moon

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alexseanchai · 4 years ago

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Fanfic 2020 in Review

I got tagged by @kasienda @noirshitsuji and @marvelousmsmol and I am tagging whoever wants to play!

1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

*filters own works to complete and updated in 2020*

1 - 20 of 57 Works by AlexSeanchai

nope. *adds filter to include only works of at least 1000 words*

unless otherwise indicated, these are all Miraculous Ladybug:

“don’t bake it lying down”, post-reveal Marichat vs Felix Graham de Vanily

“veracity”, canon divergence from “Ladybug” featuring Mister Bug and Verity Queen (so also Marichat, I guess)

“(no request is too extreme, if) your heart is in your dream”, in which Hawkmoth wins, for the thirty seconds or so before Emilie saves Ladybug and Chat Noir’s lives

“tell me you love me and make me believe it”, in which trans girl Chatonne Noire ropes Ladybug into helping plan her civilian self’s escape slash social transition

“kingmaker, oathbreaker”, in which Hawkmoth wins and Emilie watches her son remove himself from the family

“stay and let me watch you break it down” (Twelve Dancing Princesses), a modern setting

“set a course for winds of fortune”, in which trans girl Chatonne Noire has already escaped and Gabriel and Nathalie are trying to bring Gabriel’s son home

“we ground love in a hopeless place”, in which post-reveal Marinette’s attempt to remain resolutely not in love with her partner dissolves like sugar in coffee when they start a pun war

“ring the bells that still can ring”, in which Alya is deeply confused about why Adrien and Marinette are planning a wedding when last night both were single

“burning wishes at both ends (the cold wind and long loud wail remix)”, in which Gabriel made a monkey’s paw wish and Emilie makes another

“words cannot espresso”, in which Marinette’s OC roommate is justifiably worried for Marinette’s safety, and meanwhile Adrien takes care of Marinette

“the compromise of truth” (the chronologically second-earliest part posted to date of nine lives, snake’s eyes), in which Adrien tells his friends how he won some freedom and respect from his father

“At The Present Time”, the Ladrien/Ladynoir marriage proposal follow-up to @art-deco-shrimp‘s “Your Presents Required”

“j'ai rêvé (so I don't have to dream alone)”, in which the events of canon must just have been a series of dream sequences, Marinette and Adrien both think, until they both arrive at Chloe’s Halloween masquerade dressed as themselves from the dreams

2) Number of words written:

ahahaha no. I am not counting all my scattered fic drafts and trying to figure out what I did and didn’t write in 2020. I refuse.

AO3 says I posted 162K in 2020. it is counting all of keeps you guessing (like any real love), which (a) I started posting in 2019 (b) is co-written by @galahadwilder; it is counting all of my meta snippets collection, much of which was written in 2019; it is counting the Vimeo passwords for my vids. but I probably cleared 150K by a safe margin.

3) Your most popular fic:

“veracity” has a four-digit kudos count, wow, when’d that happen? this is also the 2020 work with the most hits and the most bookmarks, but “tell me you love me” has four-thirds as many comments as its nearest competitor.

4) Your personal fav:

“cannot break us, not with a thousand swords”, no question about it. this is the one in which Ladybug proposes marriage to Chat Noir via Princess Bride meme on Tumblr. (if you intend to download the work or otherwise to consume it with creator style off, you want the accessible version instead of the primary version.)

5) Your fav scene:

aaaaaaaaa

—okay so this is cheating and I know it, since Uncertain Humors (the one where Marinette/Adrien is both Orpheus/Eurydice and Theseus/Ariadne) is nowhere near finished, never mind posted (maybe I'll get “Sanguine” done to post on my birthday?)

but it is still my favorite of the year. as you might guess from that description of the story, this scene has content notes for character death:

Hell is a maze. Marinette walks.

This acrid passage has little to see but damp stone, seeming blood-stained in the dim carmine light. At about the height of her heart, the faintly glowing thread cuts through the not-clammy air; it ought to be pulsing at the same rate as the heart it's bound to. She might be able to see her own reflection if she looked down at the open sewage pipe, or at one of the puddles that now and again she splashes through, dampening the canvas of her shoes. She might see reflected what's behind her.

She remembers Mme. Mendeleiev lecturing on human physiology. In healthy humans old enough to have learned how, urination is a voluntary action: one may not know which muscles one tenses and relaxes in order to do so, and probably isn't paying attention to those details when one is doing, but one has conscious control over whether one does. Usually. Stress and anxiety mean some people are unable to relax the relevant sphincter muscle and others are unable to stop themselves. It's voluntary for cats, too: it's one way they mark their territories. Cat-boys have other ways.

There is a moment in every human life when all one's muscles relax at once. Some Parisians have had several such moments.

The thread is braided with itself around her left fourth finger, rows of tiny red half-hitch knots, and falls loosely over the back of her hand to loop twice around her wrist. She holds it wrapped between the fingers of her right hand to keep it at a constant tension, as though knitting with this insubstantial thread, so fragile for something two (two dozen, two million) lives hang from—too thin to sew with, no thicker than one strand of his hair. As she walks, she winds it around and around and around her wrist.

Between her ring finger and her right hand, it loops twice.

Marinette's shoe lands in a puddle she didn't see. The rainwater splashes soundlessly onto her bare ankle and on the stone.

(With cat-like tread, upon our prey we steal— It's a very loud song.)

She walks on.

6) A fic or scene that challenged you:

where the firelight fades, no contest. this is the second story I’ve ever been able to stick with more than a couple hundred words past the 20K mark, but it’s easily the twentieth novel-length I’ve begun. (though also, you know that kedreeva post? well, 90K later, I’m less than 15K from completing this 10K fic! I think.) and I have been learning so much about long-form fiction.

there has also been a lot of weeping and tearing my hair. case in point: I just trashed the chapter 15 draft because I figured out the reason it wasn’t going anywhere! I can probably keep the first few hundred words of that draft without any editing, and another few hundred with some revision...

7) A line of writing you’re proud of:

from “j'ai rêvé (so I don't have to dream alone)”:

Everything about their partnership is fragments of sentences in the dream diary Adrien writes in ultraviolet pen. Disjointed flickers of thought even when examined under the black light he hides in the snack cabinet under packets of Super Yoyo sandwich cookies and bags of cheesy Monster Munch potato chips and boxes of petit écolier butter cookies (chocolat noir)—none of which explains the gym-socks smell. All fleeting incoherent flashes, invisible between the mundane lines of La Modification shelved at his bedside between Leroux and Dumas. None of it is solid. Adrien has more proof his room's haunted.

okay let me break this down for you!

* Adrien started a dream diary to make sense of the memories

* in invisible ink, in a book that (according to Wikipedia) is thematically appropriate and won’t (if Gabriel sees it) look like anything other than Adrien developing an interest in French literature

* shelved between Phantom of the Opera and The Three Musketeers

* look I didn’t come up with the name “black light”

* or “chocolat noir” for what English speakers call “dark chocolate”, or “petit écolier” (that is, “little schoolboy”) for that sort of butter cookie

* also not my fault that “chocolat noir” sounds remarkably like “Chat Noir”, which, attentive readers may have noticed, is not a name that appears in the story after the header and before Miraculous Cure

* I found the website of a store in Boston, Massachusetts that caters to French expats, and the yo-yo cookies and the monster chips were right there in the photos, y’all

* the snack stash and the black light live in the cabinet where, in canon, the Camembert lives; yes, that cheese smells in the real world like gym socks

* this story’s akuma was not able to affect anything but squishy human memory: nobody affected remembers anything about Ladybug or Chat Noir or Hawkmoth, not in any solid way, not even when they read news articles about the subject, and this includes Marinette and Adrien not being able to see or hear or remember their own kwamis—but you know what Adrien’s Insta post about his poltergeist and Adrien’s Insta post with the floating sock don’t show and don’t explicitly refer to?

* I love this paragraph so much (my housemates may have been lovingly mocking me over it)

8) A comment that touched you:

there are people (y’all know who you are) who said y’all are studying my style. I ded of blush.

9) Something that inspired your writing:

by volume of fic drafts that can be blamed on any particular person, the winner is probably @norakwami

10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

so that longest-story-ever-written record I set in 2007 with the 89.5K story that, till where the firelight fades, was the only story I’d gotten much past 20K?

I broke that fucking record!

and then I deleted the draft of firelight chapter 15 😭

11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I’m starting work on a fantasy novel, a Sleeping Beauty retelling in which I explore (among other things) the economic consequences of the king’s ordering all the spinning wheels burned, and I want to make significant progress on that. and I want to not make my hands any worse; I kind of need those!

(breaking news alert: bodies fucking suck. so does giving yourself repetitive stress injuries in doing one and a half to two people’s worth of work for an organization that was never ever going to pay you more than one person’s worth of pay.)

#by alexseanchai #miraculous ladybug #tag game

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now-you-will-liveforever · 4 years ago

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it's so weird... i used to talk to a guy a couple of weeks early last year (after talking for the first time in summer 2019) and we actually wanted to meet up and then the pandemic hit and we never met irl

the last time we talked was at my birthday when he texted me and i thought he ghosted me after that... turns out i kinda ghosted him tho? Idk i kind of always thought about him since then and we still follow each other on instagram and i occasionally like a post of his and yeah... i feel like i wasted an opportunity but it's also so weird reaching out to him after 8 months... right? i wouldn't even know what to say to him after such a long time lol

The thing is... i gotta feel a connection to actually 'like' someone. It's not like i see a person and i'm like 'wow they're hot i wanna be with them' it's hard for me to meet people (not only bc of the pandemic and lockdown situation) but also bc of how i am like as a person (i am emotionally constipated ngl lol)

but i also wanna be in a relationship i want to share my life with someone why can't i just be like everyone else

Idk i'm just rambling and using tumblr as my diary lol

#the thing is... online dating scares me #i feel overwhelmed when i have to judge people on their looks bc i have to feel a connection to actually feel the attraction???#is that a thing????#the few times i tried online dating i was terrfied and stopped immediately lol #i'm convinced i'm gonna die alone #i'll be the cool single aunt who's actually not that cool just very lonely and sad lol #personal

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xanderwithanx · 3 years ago

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Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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just-ur-local-peach · 4 years ago

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FAQ

Wow, I’m getting a LOT of new followers and a LOT of new messages (which is strange for me because I’ve always used tumblr as a diary and now I’m getting a lot of comments and opinions)! I can’t respond to everyone and I feel bad for leaving people on read, so here are some things I think y’all should know about me:

I really do appreciate compliments and I will usually say thank you if they are not creepy

Tumblr is not a dating app, I am not looking for a relationship here

I literally only post selfies...not sure why so many porn blogs are following me suddenly, but you will NEVER see explicit content from me on my feed or my DMs

That being said, I usually won’t respond to messages from porn blogs because of the assumption that your blog gives me about what you want from me, sorry!

It also makes me SUPER uncomfy when porn blogs reblog my selfies. I do not want to be among that crowd/community tbh since that’s not what my content is

If I didn’t respond to you the first time, that doesn’t mean I’ll never reply. Just eveluate your message and if someone like me would like to hear that or not (or maybe I just didn’t see it the first time!)

(I usually get horrible messages and threats when I post this, so please don’t) I am in a relationship. I love chatting with new people as long as there aren’t sexual undertones because that makes me uncomfortable

If you creep me out or make me feel threatened or uncomfortable I block immediately (also spam sugar daddies, that shit is ANNOYING)

Usually, I check out everyone who follows me and I will follow back if I like the content/vibes, but that’s a bit harder to do with a LOT of people at once :(

So uh yeah, if you actually want to get to know me like fun facts or my favorite color or what have you, don’t be afraid to message me! I hope this might weed out some people who just want nudes or whatever (probably won’t, but I can hope!), so I can actually chat with some cool people who just want to chat with me!

#FAQ #me #feelings #selfie #please read before messaging #DMs #new followers

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thatsbrookie · 4 years ago

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October 2020

Heh heh... so... you wanna just ignore how long it’s been since I’ve posted...? Yeeeahhhh... let’s ignore how long it’s been since I’ve posted. Lol jk, I think my Tumblr days are coming to an end. No particular reason why.. but I’ve just gradually become less and less interested in posting here. It’s crazy to think about how long I’ve been using Tumblr as my own little private diary. My very first post on here was in February of 2013. Well over 7 years ago.. Tumblr has always been good to me. It’s always been super beneficial for me to write out my feelings and emotions, goals and heartaches... All good things come to an end, though. I suppose. Maybe I’ll get an actual physical journal and start doing that.. Anywhooooo.. lets do a life update! I literally can’t remember the last thing I posted on here.. so, I apologize if I repeat myself.. Greg and I were moving around a lot. Louisiana, Texas, Iowa, Minnesota. I might be wrong, but the last I remember posting a life update was in Iowa. We were living in Mason City, Iowa. For a little over a year. But I swear, that year was one of the most insane years of my life. Mainly because of CAVU.. Like.. fuck, man. You have no idea.. but I can’t get into all that right now. I won’t stop. Also in Iowa, Rosalie got very seriously sick. She’s an older pup, 10 years old. So illness is taken seriously.. And this was BAD. THANKFULLY, she made a full recovery. That was SO scary

Anywayyyys, we are noooow in St Paul, Minnesota! And I know what you’re thinking, “Omg, y’all move so much. I can’t even keep track anymore” We know we’ve moved around a lot and we got sick of it. Moving frequently can be fun because you get a lot of interesting experiences, but we’d been wanting a place to call ‘home’ for some time. We both agreed that we wanted to settle in a larger city somewhere in the north (we love colder weather) and we’ve always liked the idea of Michigan, Wisconsin, or Minnesota (Greg is from the area). Then Greg got a job offer and a good promotion to move to the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area for a senior manager position and we felt like it was fate. So we decided to lay some roots and buy a house here in Saint Paul rather than renting. And leemmeeee teeelll yooouuu, buying a house FOR THE FIRST TIME, in a DIFFERENT STATE, during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC.... that was an EXPERIENCE. Plus, just a couple days after we officially moved here is when all the riots started happening. Just a few miles from our home!! It was truly one of the most chaotic times of our lives!! But we are both SO pleased with our lil home. It was worth it! It’s older and on the smaller side, but it is beautiful. On a more personal note, I have been struggling a lot mentally and emotionally. We moved here the very end of May and is now it’s the beginning of October. I’ve been actively trying to find a job since around July/August with no luck.. It’s been getting really hard to stay positive and motivated. Lately I’ve just felt like I lack purpose and just existing instead of actually living, ya know? I cry to Greg about it, he’s so supportive and he keeps telling me to be patient. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic.. The culinary industry is taking a huge hit because of that. Most restaurants, if they’ve even been able to stay open, are only doing take out/delivery or operating at only 30%-50% capacity for dine-in. Majority of places aren’t hiring right now.. They’re barely able to keep they’re own staff employed.” I know he’s right. But it’s still really getting to me.. I just feel useless Plus, I’ve been so lonely. I’ve been trying to take Covid seriously (As EVERYONE should be. If you’re not, FUCK YOU), taking extra precautions when I have to leave the house. So because of that, I’m alone at home ALL THE TIME. I mean, I have Greg, but he works very long hours. And by the time he gets home, most of the time he’s exhausted and just falls asleep. I miss friends. I miss my family so much.. I haven’t seen my dad in like a year and a half! Greg and I talked about it, and I’ve started to see a doctor for help with anxiety and depression. I’ve tried out a few different medications, but nothing seems to be working super well for me so far. I have another appointment in a week to change up my meds again, hopefully something that will help me more. My doctor has been urging me to get back into therapy. I’d love to, but I just can’t afford that right now. Since I still don’t have a job, money is tight. Greg is obviously still making money, but the cost of living here in Saint Paul i waayyyy higher than all the other places we’ve lived. So we don’t have as much extra moolah as we used to. Plus, I’ve gained like 10-15 pounds. Damn quarantine.. I’ve been eating and drinking WAY too much. The weather is starting to get colder here, so I was going through my warmer pants. They all still zip/button but they are hella tight now! I got super super sad about that too. Oh, also. I cut all my hair off. I always loved my super long, red hair. I got compliments all the time. It was beautiful. But I have been wanting to cut my hair short for a long time. Like short short. For years. I figured, ‘New city, new hair’ and got it all chopped off! I got my hair cut the first time and pretty much immediately unhappy with it. About a week later I went back and got it tweaked. I was way happier with it then. A month or so later, it was starting to get too long and super poofy. I went back and got it cut EVEN SHORTER, thinned out (I have super thick hair) and a different style shape. This cut is by far my favorite!! It’s exactly the short cut I had envisioned on myself since the start!! Third time’s the charm, I suppose. My hair is actually short than Greg’s hair currently! Lol I have been absolutely loving my new short hair! I feel like it suits me and my personality SO much more!! However, even though I feel so great with it, I haven’t taken a single picture I feel 100% confident in. I’ve tried to take many pictures, but I feel like I look stupid in every single one of them. It’s so confusing.. In person: Wow! Super cute! In pictures: *projectile vomit* Something wild and unexpected... dad and Cynthia got divorced! He called me the middle of last month and told me that he and Cynthia literally just got done finishing up the paperwork. I was extremely shocked. He told me that they have actually been arguing and fighting like CRAZY for a very very long time. Finally they decided to get a divorce, but didn’t tell anyone. They wanted it to be finalized first. Then tell people. I was so surprised.. I didn’t even know what to say. But he assured me that this is a VERY GOOD thing. He was planning a celebration that night. Lol! It’s crazy, they were only married for 2 years!

Hmmm.. I’m trying to think if there’s anything else worth mentioning... Like I said, my life has been pretty dull lately.. Well. It’s getting late. I’m going to start getting ready for bed. I’m actually kind of tired. Lately I’ve had a really hard time falling asleep.. maybe tonight is my lucky night and I’ll actually be able to fall asleep quickly. *knock on wood* Goodnight, Tumblr!

#life update #fuck 2020

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exit-path · 4 years ago

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I just realized something.

Minecraft has been around for a long time. Countless documentaries about Minecraft have been made that show that, including this one which I just watched recently.

But how old is the game compared to me? How long... have I been playing Minecraft?

(don’t read under the cut if you don’t want to know certain personal information about me)

On a seemingly unrelated note (but TRUST ME it’s relevant), the history of Minecraft Pocket Edition Lite is pretty scattered. Sources disagree on when it was first added to the App Store on iOS, but they can agree that it was removed from the App Store on October 13th, 2013.

Now that’s a long time ago, right? I mean, 2013 was, what... seven years ago? Wow, it must be a long time, huh? But here’s the thing.

I distinctly remember playing on PE Lite.

I remember certain specifics of the game. The gravel texture in-game didn’t use the old gravel texture, but the old old gravel texture. Inaccessible blocks were given to you in infinite amounts. There was LAN multiplayer mode, but worlds wouldn’t save. The world size was small, and it had a “world border”, but the border was faulty and you could fly over it in Creative Mode once you went about 256 blocks up.

That’s cool and all, but what does that mean for how long I’ve been playing the game? Well, let’s say I started playing Minecraft PE Lite in 2013, the last year it was up on the App Store. (That’s unlikely, since I probably started playing a year or two earlier, but the same point will be made later regardless.) Well I’ve been playing Minecraft continuously since then. That’s eight years. So I’ve been playing Minecraft for half the time I’ve been alive.

Wow. Really? Really.

No wonder I felt so compelled to do so many things Minecraft-related for much of my life. No wonder I subconsciously decided to turn my only main Tumblr blog into a mineblr. It’s been with me for half the time I’ve been alive. That’s crazy!

When PE Lite shut down, I switched to Pocket Edition. Then, before that changed to Bedrock Edition, I switched again to Java Edition. And I’ve been there ever since. I’ve been here ever since, baby.

The oldest Minecraft video I could find of myself is not on my channel. It’s from August of 2015, and it was where I played a game of Hypixel UHC. Wow. History really repeats itself, doesn’t it?

Back then, Java Edition 1.8 wasn’t the preferred update. It was the only update, the most recent version the game had been updated to.

And in that video, my voice was super high-pitched. I didn’t remember my voice being that high-pitched! Was I really that young?! I remember being the shortest in my class. And this was in 2015. I was ten years old then. Wow.

I’m just in awe at a lot of this. I’m mostly feeling existential dread, yes, but a bunch more of a lot of other things. Minecraft has, quite literally, been in my life for as long as I can remember.

And now, we reach the end of this post. And to you, dear reader, I hope you are not a mutual reading this. I do not mind if you are a lurker, but really, my target audience with this post is one person, and one person only: myself. Are you me? Well if you’re reading this, then the tag has worked.

From now on, I’m tagging every diary entry-like post like this with a readmore with #future-tag. That means that in the future, I should just search up future tag to find all of my posts like this. I hope this works.

Farewell, and godspeed!

#future tag

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codematurgy · 5 years ago

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you could definitely say that what follows next is a quarentine diary of sorts, but i’m writing it up here because it relates to theme making in some ways; additionally, i just want to write something positive in the middle of this!

stay safe, of course - if your finantial conditions, likely because of the government of your country and/or your employer being criminals, aren’t good enough for you to stop working, i can’t say i’m exactly praying for you because i don’t have that practice, but i do hope you’ll be fine. this moment shows us how capitalists are willing to treat the working class. mandatory class struggle aside:

for starters shout out to tumblr because i love the new dashboard ok. i’m using the cybernetic palette and i really wish it was available on the app too. of course, my love of it isn’t related to the colors alone - i always thought the dashboard looked a bit messy in structure, so building it again from zero was a fantastic decision. love that i can see the words for image or avatar while the images are loading as well; they really took care of accessibility here, which was already an ongoing process with stuff like page order or focus, etc.

i just wanted to write that shoutout because i’ve seen a lot of people complain about it - mostly because xkit stopped working - while ignoring that the folks at xkit did explain how they’re helping the tumblr developers directly, and in turn their work at rewriting xkit would be even smoother. i don’t think people actually give tumblr developers credit where is due, and i’ve been fascinated with their work ever since i found out about official blogs such as @javascript or @engineering. it also clarified a few problems i’ve had when dealing with the mechanics of reblogs, even if some bits of it still drive me nuts! in a sense, thinking about theme making for tumblr has become more gratifying when you get to understand just what you’re doing. anyway, moving on.

i haven’t really done a lot of “theme making” for the past weeks - i did do a bunch of bug fixes to the npf photosets plugin, but nothing related to designing or creating and so on. it doesn’t mean that creating was completely lost to me, though i did channel it to something entirely different: movie reviews.

yeah. that sounds pretentious, i know.

i’m not a big fan of cash grab movies(read: pretty much most of recent disney work, and anything that feels similarly souless), but i never found the strength to watch the ones that are new and more popular around here; namely, stuff from a24. which is not to say those are bad! i’ve watched my share and they are really good - i’m absolutely enamored with the vvitch, for example. however, i’ve realized that i want to discover new worlds, and not all of them too serious neither constantly bombarding my tumblr dashboard or twitter timeline. people have been doing movies for such a long time and i keep wondering, how many incredible gems i’m missing on solely because i can’t be bothered to look back?

thanks to that, i’m watching movies i never thought i would watch. and more importantly, i’m writing about them - about the things that make them this single, incredible work. much like being in a show’s fandom, i guess, and writing such long metas on it, except i get to write shorter essays because i’m not getting an entire season, ahaha. i had never watched an art film up until now, i think, and although it wasn’t my favorite format from this first experience, it was nice and i’m actually willing to try it again.

one great takeaway from this experience, besides how awesome film-making is, relates to my creations here. a fascinating thing about movies is when their envisioners work to have this coherent, complete piece of work filled with all it needs to be solid, instead of letting these loose threads. this is not in a plot sense strictly, but for so many aspects like choosing to add something to costume, set, or prop design; the choice of a weird but so incredibly telling original score; a photography that goes beyond having a pretty centralized shot and adds weight to every shot... wow, that stuff is unreal, and it is so full of purpose!

this feeling of completeness is one i think i have been working on gradually, but still could do better. i have this terrible process in which i barely have a full sketch for a theme - i just think that i want this one thing and build the whole theme around that detail live on the code instead of actually planning it. i believe that, likely because of this, it feels like my themes are just this tiny design in the middle of a blank website. Chamamento, SETE and Ágora feel like outliers in that sense, even though the process was still chaotic, solely because at one point i actually sat myself down and i said “i want this”.

hopefully, i can take this knowledge with me on the next themes coming around! i don’t know when they will come, but i do have an idea for post styling and another one for a “complete” layout - i’ll try not to merge those in my weird process so it’s not too much information, though. there’s one theme in the works for a while too, which is based on the one i mentioned working on as i first mentioned Temporal, but it’s been reworked into an entirely different beast which i’m quite happy with; mostly because there is no pixel based post size! in fact, i’m considering not having typical post sizes for all next themes, choosing a more typical blog approach. it sounds weird but so far it looks really cool, although probably not as much if you’re doing graphics with set sizes... well, graphic makers were never my demographic to begin with.

and well, on an entirely different note: i keep forgetting that when you have a theme uploaded to tumblr, you can check active installs. actually seeing people using your themes, when before the only way you could see it was by hoping whoever reblogged or liked it had in fact installed it, is so exciting!!! it actually confirms that the people using my themes, or at least using Temporal, are often just your average blogger sharing memes, fanart and talking about the latest podcast - you know the one. it’s a pleasure to be making themes for y’all!

#code blogging #i'll warn you that this read more is a wall of text

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deartaylorloveannissa · 4 years ago

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Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Dear Taylor,

I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who wrote in and kept up with a journal or a diary. I’ve tried so many times but it’s never been something I could ever make myself do on the regular. When times are tough, i’ll write down what i’m feeling in some random notebook or on a loose sheet of paper both of which usually get lost or thrown out. I really do like writing down my thoughts going back to read stories and remember specific instances that I was going through that had left my memory (see post before this one, wow that was a doozy of a read 😅). I think it’s really fun and i’m sure that’s how you feel with your songwriting. But maybe i’ve never been good at keeping up with it because talking to myself was never good enough. So that’s why i’m writing to you. You’ve had such a huge impact on my life; more than you could ever know. I feel comfortable talking to you and telling you about my days even though odds are that you would never see this. I don’t even know if you use Tumblr anymore these days but I wanna give this journaling this a chance again and I think this will be a fun way of doing it!

So hello! If you’re not too familiar with me, my name is Annissa Michelle Riojas, I am 24 years old from Lubbock, Texas, currently living in Dallas. I have been a fan of yours since I was 11 years old. The first song I ever heard from you was Teardrops on My Guitar but it was actually Our Song that made me a swiftie. We’ve actually met before! I was one of the Grand Prize 1989 Swiftstakes winners. We got to meet, hug, talk and take a picture on October 17th, 2015 right before your incredible 1989 World Tour concert in Arlington, Texas, which is still my favorite day that i’ve ever had. Thank you so much again for that day and for giving me that opportunity to meet you.

So let me tell you a little snippet of my day today since that’s how this will usually go lol. I woke up this morning to a call from my boyfriend, Wesley, who calls me every morning since he’s the sweetest. I woke up and actually stayed awake for once. I unfortunately got laid off from my job about a month ago due to the pandemic so it’s been a little hard to find reasons to wake up these days. But I did today and I went to the gym for a couple of hours. I like to bring my iPad to the gym to catch up on TV because watching something distracts the part of my brain that’s telling my body it’s tired or that it should it quit. It also allows me to set timed goals like, “Annissa, you can’t get off this elliptical until this episode of Station 19 ends.” After the gym, I came back home to eat some lunch and start another session of job searching. Not super exiting. However, one job application had me do a timed assessment with english and math sections! It was super random! While most of the questions/problems were very simple, they only gave me a short amount of time to do it and I’ve never been good at timed tests so I’m a little worried that could’ve prevented me from being considered. After that, I fooled around a little on my phone and then met up with Wesley and one of our friends to go climbing which is always fun! However, I was having a hard time completing routes today but we still had a good time. And then I came home and watched some TV. I am currently catching up on the latest seasons of Grey’s Anatomy & Station 19 and I just watched the episode where Alex leaves and I’m still very emotional about it because he was my favorite character 😭😭😭.

And that pretty much sums it up! I promise my entries won’t be as boring or as long as this one and will probably be more about what I was feeling that day versus what I did. But I just want to end this by saying that, I love you Taylor. I might not be the most creative fan or one that’s always present on social media but I’m here. I’ve always been here and I always will be. ❤️ Congratulations on your incredible achievement the other day! I’m so proud! folklore is a wonderful that has managed to surpass Red as my favorite one from you which I didn’t think was possible! I listen to it all the time and my current favorite is august!

I hope you and your loved ones are staying safe!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylor swift #folklore #august #taylorswift #swiftie #diary

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rivkahstudies · 6 years ago

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4.4.2019 7:28 PM | a resurrection and a reflection ;

First of all, I'm back (kinda)! I am gearing up for finals in about 4 weeks and I want to finish the semester strong--both academically and on Tumblr. As a little catch-up, here are my last three spreads of Periwinkle, which chronicled my second year of bullet journaling. To bring in themes of wishes fulfilled, long-lasting joy, and positive energy, my third year is called Dandelion.

I don't want to take too long to write this because I have an essay to get to, haha, but wow. How do I say all I want to say? I'm finishing my second year of bullet journaling AND I'm getting close to my second anniversary of this blog. I have grown so much in my relationships, my study habits, and my ability to love and care for myself. I've started new languages, met my roommate @hagrastudies through a studyblr discord, and gotten into my dream college. I've made the best friends I could ask for ( @student-succulent @pinetreestudies @thekingsstudy @theonlysaylor @coffeeandpies and so many more) and met so many other lovely and bright people. All of you inspire me so much.

The reason I started bullet journaling was because I was dissatisfied with how I used premade planners. There never seemed to be enough space or flexibility. I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would evolve into such an outlet of creativity and productivity for me. Through it I can have a diary, a planner, and a sketchbook all in one. But most importantly, rather than chronicling my life through diary entries, the evolution of my doodles and the checklists I make show how I reached my goals and discovered new things. There's evidence of papers, applications, interviews, extracurriculars, and adventures in Chrysanthemum and Periwinkle. And I firmly believe there will be many more in Dandelion. I almost stopped at one point because some studyblrs feel discouraged by fancy bujos and condemn them as time-wasting or attention-seeking. But even when I don't post these on my tumblr, they serve as a critical form of creative expression I don't get otherwise in my hectic college life. Most times the spreads are the only artistic things I do, and so I am grateful that I told myself, "No, do what you love, as if no one is watching."

I have 4,998 followers. I have no idea where you all came from or what first drew you to me, but I am so grateful that I get to embark on these journeys with each and every one of you. You teach, guide, motivate, and empower me. Here's to many more successes together.

Love,

Rivkah

P.S.: my inbox will be checked again soon and I will answer all you lovelies asap 💙

#rivkah talks #rivkahstudies #my bujo #bujospo #pinetreelookie #thekingsstudy #saylorlook #heypat #student-succulent

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 5 years ago

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Did you notice any interesting patterns or relationships between type and writing from your experiment (which was very fun to see btw)? Or do you think its not a useful tool for typing because its so dependent on content? Have your thoughts on the matter changed before/after you ran this experiment?

Hi anon,

I have some observations but no real patterns - I had a lot of responses and didn’t organize them super well (especially since people often responded with “I was the person who wrote about chickens” and it’s kind of a big mess) which is part of it. I also have a post that I was saving for later that I’ll make right after this which might elaborate more on the whole idea of typing from this kind of general impression (short answer: hard to describe and only comes with experience - this is not a shortcut and I wouldn’t use it on its own even if you are pretty good at it), but here’s what I observed.

Maybe I’m just a someone who remembers 90s internet rules or more closed off than usual but wow do people reveal deeply personal stuff on anon. Which, because of who I am as a person, kind of messes with my ability to do anything since everything is drowned out by “OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS I AM AN INTERNET STRANGER”

Now that that’s out of the way content is important. MBTI typing questions usually hit a sweet spot of not too formal but not a diary entry either. It’s hard to derive much from an academic essay or a short excerpt from fiction. I do think you can get some sense of type from longform fiction, but that’s obviously a lot more time consuming. It’s also difficult if someone is talking about someone else with a different type. Basically, it’s hard to separate content and style.

A final thought before I go into a couple of broad patterns: because there’s no way to verify type once I’ve typed someone, I may have developed more of a sense not quite of type but “what type does this person think they are and will they disagree with me and keep sending me messages even after I’ve said that this is what I think they are but they’re welcome to disagree”. For example, if someone talks about getting lost in their complex mind, I don’t know their type, but I know that if I don’t tell them they’re an NP chances are they will not take it well. (We all have complex minds. The human brain is so complex we haven’t gotten it to fully comprehend itself. Calm down.)

Very stream of consciousness and scattered - more likely Si/Ne axis than the Ni/Se axis. NPs in particular tend to be very long-winded. They also do lots of parentheticals and asides. If someone writes like a 19th century novel with sentences that stretch for days, they’re probably on the Si/Ne axis. For an example see: everything I’ve ever written.

TJs structure things linearly and in lists even when a list isn’t strictly necessary. Even if an STJ is getting Si/Ne stream-of-consciousness on you they’ll stick a list in there or break it up into pieces (see: everything I’ve ever written).

Se-Ni users use shorter sentences and is for lack of a better way to put it, cleaner? More minimal? SPs in particular often manage to capture lush detail without seven trillion adjectives and I am very jealous. Se-doms also as mentioned often sound like they’re telling a story at a social gathering.

Lots of short incomplete sentences is most likely high Ti, (even with Ne). It’s also sometimes high Fi, but less likely. TPs also will structure things like a debate even in the absence of another speaker, which is kind of neat.

Feelers use emoji more (specific to Tumblr asks - hopefully no one is using them in academic essays and we’re all using them in Venmo). Feelers often just generally come off as warmer and more approachable. I find Fe and Fi harder to tell apart in style, but they’re easier to tell apart in content.

#mbti #Anon ask #answered asks

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larryssunflower · 6 years ago

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You Opened My Eyes- Part three

—-

I’m so sorry it took so long! I’ve had so much going on and tons of writers block. It doesn’t help the multiple times while I’ve been editing on tumblr and it gets deleted :/ but it’s being posted now and I really want to thank everybody’s patience on this! It’s been so fun to write, some parts are a little exaggerated and Drake and Elle are funnier than I usually write them. It’s been really fun and I actually really enjoyed it! We only have a couple parts left!!Thank you all again for waiting!!

Tagging my usuals, if you don’t want to be tagged, just let me know! - @simplyaiden-blog @butindeed @mfackenthal @confessionsofabrokegirl @american-duchess @drakelover78 @monosodiumglutamateme @crookedslimecreatorpasta @mrsdrakewalkerblog @traeumerinwitzhelden @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @agent-zephyrkah @snyggflicka @sleepwalkingelite @nikkis1983 @choicesmacmakes

—-

The chilly air wraps around all of us as we walk down our street, dozens of families are walking or driving slowly, admiring the annual light show. It’s Christmas Eve-Eve and people are really starting to get into the holiday mood. The atmosphere is completely calm and happy as families enjoy the warm holiday feeling while I’m panicking internally. My heart hasn’t stopped racing since Drake and I kissed. Savannah, Bianca and I walk slowly as Drake walks up ahead with Bartie, holding him on his shoulders to give him a better view.

Bianca and Savannah are talking quietly while I watch Drake, who is laughing, showing off his dimples as Bartie giggles, pointing at a lit up Santa Claus. Drake looks... different. On a normal day, we barely even talk. I usually come home exhausted and tired, and not wanting to have a conversation and usually Drake is barely home. But here... it’s like he’s his old self again. He just seems happier, and genuine. My stomach flutters and I quickly look down, folding my arms in front of my chest against the cool air. I cannot have butterflies when I look at Drake. No. It just can’t happen.

“So how are you two?” Savannah asks, and I turn to her with wide eyes. “I-huh?” I ask, blinking in surprise. Savannah chuckles. “You and Drake? How are you guys? That kiss looked a little heated earlier,” she teases, elbowing me gently with a wink. I laugh awkwardly, looking away. “Oh! W-we’re good! Really great,” I say, gulping briefly before smiling. “Well, I have a feeling that Liam and Drake might fight to be the first to be engaged,” Bianca says suggestively, making me choke.

“Oh?” I say between coughs as her and Savannah laugh. “Oh, we are just teasing you,” Bianca grins, and I run my hand through my hair, trying to distract from my flushed face as I laugh along, trying not to die internally.

“Hey guys, looks like Bartie is wiped. Want to head back?” Drake asks as he walks up to us, little Bartie slumped over on his shoulders, making Bianca an Savannah chuckle. “Yeah let’s go,” Bianca says, and Savannah takes Bartie away from Drake, holding the toddler in her arms. They walk ahead, leaving Drake and I alone.

“Looks like you and Bartie were having fun,” I say, trying to ignore my rapidly increasing heartbeat. “Oh yeah. That kid is the best,” Drake says with a laugh, and I smile, looking down. “So did Bianca tell you what’s going on tomorrow?” Drake asks and I look at him in confusion. “No..” I trail off, and Drake nods. “Well get ready because tomorrow night we are having a party at Cherry Pop,” He says with distaste, and I groan. “Seriously? Karaoke? Oh my god!” I say in disbelief, laughing lightly. “Yep, and Kiara and a whole bunch are coming aswell,” Drake says, and I sigh. “Well let’s just hope it’s somewhat entertaining,” I chuckle, making him laugh and I realize how much I love that sound.

The next day, around noon:

Drake and I talk casually as we hang out in the living room, Ziggy not too far away, stretched out on the floor in front of the fireplace. Savannah and Bartie are out and Bianca is in the study working on presents. Life is good. “Look what I found!” Liam says, his voice light and cheery, breaking the silence as he walks in, a mischievous grin in his face. Drake and I look up at him and my eyes find a brown leatherback book in his hands. “What is that?” I ask squinting at him. Liam turns to me, seeming delighted that I asked. “Oh my fucking god,” Drake grumbles underneath his breath, bringing his hands to his face. “Well I’m so glad you asked dear Elle! This is Drakes old diary,” he grins, making my eyebrows raise. I turn to Drake, a grin on my face. “I found it the other day when Olivia and I were putting up lights,” Liam smirks. “I cannot believe you,” Drake says to Liam, shaking his head. “What? It’s just fun and games Drake. What do you have to hide? You guys are dating now anyway,” he says, a smirk evident on his face.

“I have to hear this,” I say, a huge grin on my face as I sit forward eagerly. Drake groans, burying his face in his hands. Liam flips through the book until he finds a certain page. “Ah! There it is,” *clears throat* “This is my favorite entry; ‘July 28th, 2006. A year ago today, I met the love of my life. Elle Garden,’” Liam reads, and my heart stops. I glance over at Drake who is cringing at every word Liam says. “‘She is so pretty. Her long blonde hair, her blue eyes, and her beautiful smile. She’s not just pretty though! She’s smart, and funny and isn’t afraid to be different.’” Liam continues in a fake dreamy voice, and my face heats up. Drake had a crush on me? My stomach twists as Liam reads on. “‘I think I love her. I have liked her since the moment we met, but it’s only grown from there. I’m always so excited to see her at school and climb trees with her. She’s my best friend, and I hope eventually my girlfriend. But I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure she like Brent.’ Wow Drake. Such raw emotion,” Liam says, a huge grin on his face. I take a moment to process all of what Liam just read.

This whole time? I glance over at Drake, who is shaking his head, his face flushed. “I hope you realize I was fourteen when I wrote this,” He says, clenching his jaw. “Well it’s such beautiful wording. You should really consider being a writer-“ “-Give him a break!” I but in, anger rising within me. They both widen their eyes at me as I stand up, not being able to contain my annoyance. “Look, yeah it’s amusing, but all boys are like that! They all have crushes and they are all embarrassing. Well guess what? Drake and I are now dating, so if anything, that shows that Drake proved his past self right.” I say, breathing heavily. They are silent for a moment, Drake looks surprised at my outburst, but Liam is clearly just amused. He got what he wanted. “You got yourself a fiesty one there Drake,” Liam says, winking at us before turning and leaving with the book.

Drake and I are in silence for a moment, and all I can hear is my pounding heart. “You... you liked me.” I say quietly, not having the guts to turn around. Drake sighs. “Yeah. I did,” he says, clearing his throat. I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I ask softly, and he shrugs. “I knew you didn’t feel the same.” He says simply. I bite my lip and nod. “I’m sorry,” I say softly to him, my heart heavy. “You don’t need to be sorry Elle, I was just a kid. It happens.” He says causally, a smile on his face. I ant to say something else. Something to make it better, to make up for all those years. “I’m going to go walk Zig, but I’ll see you later yeah?” He says, getting up and dealing with the now very much awake dog in front of him. “Oh. Okay,” I say, nodding. He smiles briefly at me before walking out the back with Ziggy on a leash. As the back screen door closes, I worry my bottom lip and sit back down, thinking to myself.

Later that night:

After Drake returned from his walk, we started to get ready to go to the karaoke bar. I got changed into a pair of jeans and a slightly revealing shirt. I grabbed my jacket of course, and slid into a pair of boots, and before I knew it, we were making sure the babysitter knew Barties sleep schedule, then we were packed into Pam and on our way to Cherry Pop. “So are you two going to sing any love songs?” Savannah asks, making me laugh. “I don’t sing,” Drake says, rolling his eyes. I turn to him, a smirk on my face. “Oh? And what about that one quartet? I swear you were in that-“ I start with a grin, making everyone in the car laugh. “I hate you,” Drake says, a smile on his face.

We eventually pull up to a small bar with red neon lights adorned around the entrance. Before I can even try to compose myself I’m being ushered into the building, loud Christmas music blaring from speakers. The place isn’t too big, with only a bar to the left, around seven tables and a couple booths, and a small stage with a cheap karaoke machine in the middle. They have multi-colored string lights and old pictures of singers on the walls. Apparently Elvis accidentally walked in once when he was traveling through on tour. He was looking for a small diner but stumbled in and wasn’t released until he sang a couple of his songs. It’s basically the only exceptional thing that’s happened in this town and they don’t let anyone forget with the large, signed, portrait of Elvis, and lights pointed directly at it.

“Let’s get seats!” Bianca yells over the music and the crowd, and we all head over to the booth that they saved for us. We all slide in after taking off our coats. Drake lingers, looking back at the bar. “Do you guys want me to get drinks?” He asks, and everyone nods, giving him their orders. He finally turns to me, my heart fluttering again. “Oh I’ll just have a beer,” I say and he nods with a wink. “Okay I’ll be right back!” He says, walking to the bar, trying to weave through all the people.

“I’m so happy you two are together, this is the happiest I think I have ever seen Drake,” Savannah says to me from across the table and I smile softly, tucking my hair behind my ear. Before I respond something catches my eye. Drake talking to Kiara. I turn my head, my smile falling from my face. She leans forward on the bar, chatting. I watch as Drake stands there, smiling as she talks to him with exaggerated hand movements. I can’t help but feel jealous. Again. “I can’t believe her,” Olivia says to me angrily, and I look at her, surprised for a minute before I remember. “I mean, everyone knows you two are together. It’s all anyone is talking about, and she has the audacity to flirt with Drake? Right in front of you? Some people really have no class,” She says, shaking her head. I suddenly feel a strong appreciation for my good friend. “Thanks Olivia, I’m glad I’m not delusional,” I say sheepishly and she scoffs. “Anyone with a brain could see it from a mile away. Except for Drake, obviously.” she says with a roll of her eyes, making me chuckle.

Drake eventually comes back over, carrying a large tray of drinks for all of us. He sits down beside me and I smile at him. “Hey,” I say. “Hey yourself,” He grins. I’m about to say something when the Christmas music suddenly dies down and all I hear is “Testing! Testing! 1 2 3!” I clench my jaw and look over at the karaoke station where Kiara is standing, the microphone in her hand. “O-oh hey! Okay so we’re all here tonight because it’s Christmas Eve, but also to celebrate because Drake and Elle are finally together!” She says, a fake smile plastered on her face. People around us hoot and whistle, making me blush, smiling at them.

“But anyway- I just really wanted to sing this song. It is just my favorite Christmas melody, and I felt that it really fit the situation.” She says, and the crowd claps encouragingly, making her smile. “Did she seriously just say melody?” Olivia says quietly to me, making me snort but cover it up quickly with a cough. “So here goes nothing,” Kiara says nervously as she nods at someone off stage. I raise my eyebrows and shake my head in disbelief as the familiar tune of “All I want for Christmas is You” starts playing.

Dear god, I think as I grasp my beer bottle, taking a swig. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas...” she starts, her tune slightly off. “There is just one thing I neeeed,” she sings, eyeing Drake, raising an eyebrow. I turn to Olivia who just rolls her eyes, making me smile. “.. I just want you for my oowwwn,” she sings, grasping the microphone aggressively. “More than you could ever know..” she says suggestively, her eyes glued on Drake, who is seemingly oblivious to her singing directly at him. “Alll I want for chritsmaaaaasssss... Issss Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” She sings, and the beat drops as she starts swaying in the stage, and I realize I can’t endure this anymore. “I-I’m going to go to the bathroom really quick,” I say to Drake who nods, getting up to let me out of the booth. As I step out, he guides me with a gentle hand on my lower back, leaving me momentarily breathless. I quickly make my way to the restrooms, my heart pounding. Feelings of anger, annoyance and embarrassment flood over me as I push the door to the bathroom open, locking it behind me.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I walk up to the sink, enjoying the quiet music playing. Calm down Elle. As I splash my face, I realize I know this song. I take a minute to listen. “It’s never felt so right... and I’m the kind of person who gets kind of nervous when I’m having the time of my life,” the woman sings “Is there’s a word for the way that I’m feeling tonight? Happy and sad at the same time, you got me smiling with tears in my eyes, I’ve never felt so high,” she sings and I actually think for a moment. Think about why I’m so upset.

It’s beacuse of Drake. Being here with him and seeing him so happy with his family is harder than I thought it would. He just seems like his true self here. I love watching him when he is with Bartie or Ziggy. I love watching his dimples form on his face when he grins, not being able to help it. Even when he is around kiara, it’s infuriating because she insistently flirts with him but I’m not sure he even notices. “So is there a way to stop all this thinkin’, just keep drinkin’? Cause I don’t wanna wake up, when they’re turning the lights on and it turns out the jokes on me, ‘cause it feels so right,” she sings from the speakers, and I clutch on the sink for support. It’s literally word for word for what I’m feeling right now. I’m a complete idiot who for some reason is falling for the one guy I never thought I would. Because it feels right when we pretend to be in love and when we kiss and simple dumb things like when he winks at me, or when he guides me with a gentle hand on my lower back, It’s all left me completely speechless. I’ve never felt this before. With anyone. I don’t want to be the idiot who falls for someone because we are pretending to be dating, and all this time he’s just acting. I splash cool water in my face again, taking deep breaths.

I suddenly jump at the sound of a knock. “Um excuse me? Are you almost done?” A woman’s voice comes through the door, and I instantly rush over, unlocking it. “I’m so sorry! Go right ahead,” I say, walking quickly away, my stomach twisting. I walk through the crowd and back to the booth. Drake sees me and grins, getting up to let me in. As I sit down, his hand grazes my back again, making me get chills all over. I wish he would stop touching me, it makes me feel so embarrassed, but at the same time, I love it so much. Kiara finally finishes her melody, and the crowd breaks out in applause. “Alright Drake, it’s your turn!” Savannah says from across the table with a grin, making Drake roll his eyes. “Not going to happen,” he says with a slight smile on his face. “What about you Elle? Got any melodies you would like to share?” Olivia asks, making me snort. “No, I’m good,” I say, shaking my head.

“Well at least you two are both antisocial and sullen together,” Olivia says snarkily, and Drake puts a hand on my thigh, right above my knee. “Yeah, I guess we are,” He says with a smile, looking over at me. I smile back, trying to ignore the wild butterflies in my stomach and the feeling of his warm hand on my thigh. I blush slightly again which just frustrates me even more. Why can’t I just be normal like Drake? He is putting a hand on my thigh because we are pretending to be dating. he’s fine! He isn’t the one who is blushing furiously with a racing heartbeat. I take a deep breath just as Kiara walks up. “So, what did you guys think?” She asks, looking at everyone briefly but landing on Drake. “Yeah it was great,” Drake says, a polite smile on his face. She breaks out into a grin. “Oh! Good! I’m glad you liked it!” She says breathlessly, a blush tinted on her cheeks.

I clench my jaw and look away. not being able to look at her for one more second. Drakes hand squeezes my leg lightly, and his thumb moves around in calming circles. I glance over at him, surprised. He just smiles at me, making my heart melt.So he isn’t completely oblivious after all. He knows that Kiara is into him, and how much she annoys me. “Okay well, I better be off, but I’ll see you guys soon!” Kiara says, smiling at us, before grabbing he coat and walking out the door. “Dang, it’s already 11:30!” Savanah says, looking at her watch. “Yeah we should probably head off, the babysitter needs to get home too,” Bianca says, and we all nod. “Well it definitely was fun. Thank you guys,” I say with a smile. “No problem! Everyone knew you two would get together one day, and we wanted to help you guys celebrate,” Bianca says, and I smile, trying to ignore the guilt that twists my stomach, making me feel sick. I hate lying to good people. We all slide out of the booth, and once again, Drake guides me with his hand, making my heartbeat jump. Could my heart just chill out for five seconds? We put on our coats and walk outside after paying, and Bianca, Olivia, and Liam goes to get Pam. Drake Savannah and I stand under the awning, waiting. “So, that was somewhat bearable huh?” Savannah says with a smile, and we nod. “Yeah I actually had a-“ Drake starts, but then is cut off by a loud, creaky sound. We look around, and in a split second, the old awning above us bends in, sending a wave of sludge and ice onto Drake, narrowly missing Savannah and I. I bring my hand to my mouth in shock. We’re silent for a moment before Savannah breaks into laughter. Drake looks up at her, whipping the sludge off him. “O-oh my god,” I say, trying to hold back my laughter. “This isn’t funny,” he says clenching his jaw, the shadow of a smile on his face. “Oh you know this is hilarious!” Savannah says, still laughing. Pam pulls up, and I grab Drakes cold hand. “Hey, let’s head home and get you cleaned up yeah?” I say with a smile, and he smiles. “Heh, I think I actually might get frostbite if I stand here for one more minute,” he says with a laugh, making me grin. We climb into the car and drive off, heading home.

—— end of part three——

Thank you all for waiting! The next part is my favorite and is going to come soon!! I, so excited!❤️❤️❤️❤️

#choices #playchoices #drake walker #trr drake #the royal romance #trr #drake #pixelberry #drake x mc #mc x drake #you opened my eyes #part three

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