#wow it's like a metaphor or something huh

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #145

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

I awoke one leisurely Saturday morning with a satisfying stretch and a calm breath in my lungs. For once, I had no obligations. Today was my day.

I yawned and folded the covers over with a promise that I'd be right back. I sat up, took a sip of water, and walked over to the door.

Wait. Where did the door go?

I patted the wall where the door should have been. It felt just like any other part of the wall. No door frame, no wet paint, and especially no memory of someone removing my door last night, which I think I'd have noted.

I walked over to the window to open it, but it was painted shut. Just as well - I lived on the fourth floor. No chance I was escaping that way.

I was still feeling a little groggy, so I would have happily just gone back to sleep, but the bathroom was across the hall from the door I no longer had, and I wasn't in a mood to squat in the corner.

I banged on the wall. “Hello? Hello? Anyone know what happened to my bedroom door?”

No response.

“Someone must have taken it! I don't know how you did it, but put my door back! It's not funny!”

Still nothing. I opened the closet, thinking maybe there was something in there I could use, but nothing. I needed to break through this wall somehow. Then I remembered - I always kept a fire extinguisher in the bottom drawer of my nightstand.

I pulled it out and slammed it repeatedly into the wall, denting the sheetrock. This was my ticket out, it must be. I broke through the first layer to see the inside of the wall and pulled off chunks of broken pieces. I slammed into the other side and it reverberated through my bones.

Metal on metal. I couldn't break through. I threw the extinguisher to the ground and fell to my knees. No way out.

[fawn-tongues]

Loop and Mirabelle hours (3am)

[daenysthedreamersblog]

SECRET OF US - VI

us.

that night you were talkin' false prophets and profits

they make in the margins of poetry sonnets

you never read up on it shame, could've learned something

Robert Bly on my nightstand, gifts from you, how ironic

masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter

summary: you promised him a date, a date without mistrust and contention...you should have never made that promise as you're dragged deeper towards an admission you can't face

pairings: modern!coriolanus snow x reader

warnings: MDNI! swearing, drinking, smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex (yk what hell ya)

notes: omg i meant to have this out friday but i rewrote the whole middle and with the holidays it set me back so much. legit spent 20min on my phone the whole past week

You don't dare tell Arachne or Clem as you swipe the lipgloss along your lips. You wished you could, wished your friends were helping you get ready, laughing about silly things. You frowned at your reflection, what were you so ashamed of, why were you hiding?

He finally bested you huh? Arachne's voice snaked through your head rattling a metaphorical tail. Don't be so surprised when he breaks your little heart. A small laugh. Or you break his.

Clemensia looked disappointed, He's using you. Soft hands landed on your shoulders. He's as selfish and manipulative as they come, let this go before you're in too far. Let this go before he looks too deep.

You sighed placing your head in your hands; no they couldn't know, not yet at least, not until you could figure out his intentions, or yours for that matter. There's a knock on your door and you slowly make your way over to it, to him.

"Hi." He looks so handsome in a well pressed button up and slick coat to ward away the lingering winter and you're sure he could take over the world looking like that. "These are for you." He holds out the bouquet of white roses.

You take them, backing up to allow him inside. "Thank you." You say digging through cabinets for a vase. 

"You...uh...You look nice." 

You smirk over at him cutting the stems, "Geez was that truly so difficult for you."

"No." He glared as you placed the roses in water.

"Do I make you nervous Snow?"

He scoffed, "Shut up let's go."

"Wow skip the pleasantries huh?" You joke sliding on heels, grabbing your own coat, and following him out. 

"You know me too well." But he helped you slip into your coat once the door was locked behind you, hands lingering too long in all the right places. 

You glanced over your shoulder at him, "Do I?" Because sometimes you felt like you barely knew him at all beneath hidden layers neither of you should dig up. He doesn't answer only tugs at your waist to keep you walking. "Did you call an Uber?"

"No." His jaw ticked as cold air blew your hair back. He walked a few steps forward to the sleek black car and pulled the door open for you. "Get in." He said tightly before you could even ask and got in quickly behind you. You raised a brow, "Don't even say it."

You shoved it all down, relaxing into the car's leather seat. "I was just gunna ask where we're going."

He turned his head away to hide the little grin, "No you weren't." The car is filled with silence, the slight tapping of your foot against the car floor the only annoying noise. "Fine. Ask."

"The car?"

He sighed, "The Plinth's."

"I thought..." You chewed on your cheek knowing this was not the subject to be breeched right now. "Never mind." Later, you'd ask later, or never you weren't sure when they were involved if you even wanted to know truly. He had become so upset when you had thrown their names back at him, and he obviously hadn't spent time with them during the holidays. You tuck it away readjusting yourself into the seat as you drove towards your date. You wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this all was; Coriolanus Snow taking you out on some date. "Hey, since we agreed on the no feuding and armor...let's try to be...nice to one another." It was a rule you're sure neither one of you could stick to.

"No snide remarks? No japes?" He came closer until his leg pressed into yours.

You nodded, "No glaring."

Two fingers tilt your chin up towards his face, "My sword is at your feet." His lips brush against yours. Your breath halts in your lungs waiting on bated breath for his kiss, "Will you surrender yours?" He whispers into your mouth his fingers running up your thigh, you let him, let him inch ever closer to the heat pulsing out of you.

Your rigid as his finger dip into your inner thigh feeling them part involuntarily. Yes. You want to say, want him to sprawl you over these leather seats to take you right here, right now. He smiles along your lips knowing it all too well; it was a trick to have you admit defeat all the same, to see if you were sticking true to your word about trying to be open to him. You pull back, "That's a tall ask."

"I'm a tall man." You glare at the him and his laughter is felt deep within your body. His fingers disappear under the hem of your dress, "There she is, never too far. I adore your glare, your claws, kitten." With the faintest feather light touch the pad of his finger ghost over the front of your underwear as you take in a sharp breath from his mouth. "Come on," His drags his knuckles up until the push gently into your clit. "Don't you want me to touch you? To make the driver take us back to my place while I make you whimper out my name from that wicked mouth."

You think you just might say anything, do anything to make him keep touching you, it had been your ask after all and you did want it, want him. But to be nice and to give over to him completely were two different things and you couldn't trust him; his sword may be down but he could just as easily take a hidden dagger to your back. You jut your bottom lip out to try and capture his, the submission a pathetic breath away when theres a knock on the window.

He chuckles slowly peeling his hand away, nearly eliciting a whine from your throat. You hated how badly you wanted him to touch you, hated how you wanted to scream his name out of these tinted windows, hated that he wouldn't give you that just yet, hated that he was making you work for it. He moves to open the door helping you outside into cool air that is welcomed against feverish skin. You're out of it, disoriented, you barely recognize where you're going until the bright cat walk comes into view. You're finally able to make sense enough of it to put the pieces together.

"Tigris." You say out loud before turning to look up at him. "She was launching a new line, this is her show." Something like a proud smile fights its way across his face as he nods; you return it. "Let's go find our seats then."

It's beautiful, filled with every color imaginable, bright fabrics of animal print you never knew even existed and feathers, tons of feathers in heavily powdered tall neon wigs. You glance over at him, an expression of comfort, but also grief written across his features as he watches the models pass. You want to reach out, grab his hand, but you can only cradle your palms in your lap.

That was the issue wasn't it? You had always promised to never let anyone in too close, to never let your guard down. It would only distract you, deter you from your goals...well your father's goals for you. So how could you ever let him in, how could you ever yield to the very man you had sworn to gut, who had made his own promise to do the same. It had always been anger, and hatred and competition. It had always been a game, and this final round would truly determine who wins. This passionate desire was the embodiment of all of those loathsome feelings coming through in a new way, there was no other explanation.

You glanced over at him as he clapped for the last model, you had to win, there was no other way to keep your heart safe.

"Come on," He motioned for you to take his arm. He led you away towards back stage where his cousin stood.

Her eyes brightened when she saw him. "Coryo!" She rushed over cupping his face before hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you came."

He hugged her back. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." He pulled away from her slightly revealing you, "I want you to meet someone."

She took you in whatever joy she found in her cousin was gone as she recognized you no doubt. You held out your hand and introduced yourself anyways, "It was a wonderful show."

"Thank you." She shook your hand eyes confused as she looked to Coriolanus.

You took your hand back, "We went to school together."

She smiled, it was fake. "Yes, yes now that's where I've seen you before."

You didn't feel like explaining, he could do that later when you weren't around. "You know that play I'm in." She nodded at him while he looked at you, "She's in it with me as well it's how we became...friends."

"I can't wait to see it." She cups his face again with one gentle hand. "We're having a little after party at some shitty dive bar do you guys want to join?"

The two of you share a look before Coriolanus takes your hand shrugging. "Sure it will be better than the place I picked out."

It was everything a fancy restaurant was not; loud and gaudy, cheap and sticky, neon beer signs littering the back wall, and filled with older couples and too young college students who's fakes would never get them in anywhere else. You're overdressed, Coriolanus is too, but you didn't care, not as you carry two drinks to the pool table where he's breaking. 

"This is supposed to be a date kitten." He takes his drink from you as you grab the pool stick.

"I'm being nice."

He scoffs, "That's a first."

You roll your eyes, "Never mind then." He grabs the middle of the stick to keep you rooted urging you to continue. "That truce lasted shorter than the first one." You chuckle staring up at him, "What was the other place?"

"It was stuffy and overrated." He lets go laughing slightly. You walk around the table, "I should have known better to go to some overly priced restaurant with tiny portions that reeks of your father." He leans against the table watching you line up the cue ball. "You hate that stuff."

You knock a stripe in the hole and stand up straight. "I was being immature about all of that, there's some stuff I do enjoy." You did hate the reminder of your father, but it was a resentment you needed to face or let go.

He feigns shock, "Admitting immaturity? Am I in an alternate universe."

You shake your head to yourself and walk back around towards him holding out the stick for him. "I'm on a date with you so probably."

He wraps his hand around it, but uses it to pull you closer, "Are you enjoying it?"

"We'll see." You smile up at him biting back the honest answer. It felt nice, the banter without the hatred behind it, knowing he could kiss you, you could kiss him. The air felt lighter, sweeter, like the world had opened up to opportunities you never knew existed. You feel like your tucked away from reality until your eyes meet Tigris across the room and you recognize the worry for her cousin, you didn't blame her, she knew you, she knew him, and no amount of watered down beer would hide that.

Coriolanus takes the stick to walk around the table. "Answer me after I've beat you in pool."

"Oh please."

He does beat you, at least at that round. He orders food while you set up the next round sipping on your first drink from the night. You watch him over the table, lining up to hit the cue ball into the triangle of multicolored balls, and you're not nervous. You used to drown the anxiety in alcohol at the mere thought of being around him, using it as a crutch to excuse thoughts you didn't want to examine. 

"Do you want another?" He points the tip of his stick at your empty drink.

You shake your head, the small smile on your lips. "Maybe a soda." He raises his eyebrow at you as he hands the stick off to you. You weren't nervous anymore. You didn't want the excuses. You liked his company. You liked kissing him. It didn't need to be more complicated than that. Maybe it didn't need to be about winning or losing.

"Tell me something real about you." You sink three solids into holes before looking up at him.

"I ate paste as a child." He shrugged.

"How did it taste."

He smirked, "Pasty." He misses and the cue ball ends up in the corner hole. "Your turn."

"I know it's not a real animal." You blush, "But I love dragons, and I want one desperately."

"A fantasy creature?" He laughed at you. You whacked him, but he caught your wrist. "It's cute."

You scoff, "The dragons would disagree. They are fierce and vicious and-!"

He smiles, blue eyes alight with hidden joy. "Just like you." 

You're kissing him before you can think, soft lips and soft hands roaming bodies as you tug each other closer, as you let the dive bar disappear into the void. Your heart speeds up as his tongue dips into your mouth and every nerve ignites under his touch. 

Someone clears their throat behind you; Tigris. "I'm heading home it's been a long day." She eyes the pair of you. "I'll call you tomorrow Coryo." To discuss you no doubt, you find yourself sinking away.

He hugs her, "It really was a great show."

"What's the name of the line?" You ask to show interest, so maybe she could see some semblance of care inside of you, that you weren't the evil villain in his story. The fact that you did care what she thought of you had to mean something?

She smiled for real this time. "The Capitol." She walks away soon after leaving you two alone as some sad country song floats through the weary speakers.

"If only they could see us now." He cuts through it all turning your attention back to the game.

"See you losing." You sink another ball in when the thought crosses. "Do you...um...do you still speak to..."

"Livia?" He finishes for you grabbing the pool stick from your hands. "No, well...not like that." You continue to watch him. "She lives in the city, and we all went to school together, I run into her a lot." The striped ball he was going for bounces off the wall and misses the hole by a few inches. He sighed, "I mean...not typically, no I don't see her...like that."

You tightly smile. "It's fine, Snow. Just because we're on a date doesn't mean we are dating." You're lying. You don't want him to see Livia, see anyone for that matter, but you can't say that, can't reveal that part of yourself to him.

"Guess so."

You win the next round, but he wins the one after that. You dance to shitty music coming from the live band playing inside the bar. You even jump on stage to join in, singing along to the only song you knew they were performing while he records you making a fool of yourself. It's carefree, and fun, and plain stupid. "Delete that!" You shout at him as he pulls you from the stage wrapping his arms around your waist as the song slides into a slower one. 

"Never." He chuckled into you ear. "Was this a better time than overpriced ice cubes?"

You lay your head against his chest. "Of course." You glance up at him, "Not us."

"Not us," His voice is too soft as he says it has you spilling your unguarded guts.

"But any time with you would have been a good one."

He stares down at you sidelong the corner of his mouth turning up, "There is a heart inside of you yet, my fire breathing kitten." You roll your eyes, but don't bite back. Instead you let his hand linger to the bottom of your back, "Let's get out of here."

You chew the inside of your cheek the whole time he guides you back out into the real world, back into that black car. He doesn't take the route back to your apartment, instead it takes you towards a different side of the same town.

His side.

"Do you remember that night?" He asked watching the buildings glide by the tinted windows. The night of the party, the night he fought that man and brought you back to his apartment.

You remembered him cleaning your face, putting you to sleep in his bed, a soft finger running down your cheek. "Not really." You force yourself to break the tension coiling in your gut. "I remember you knocking me over to fight that man."

"You shouldn't have ran." It not cruel, or condescending. It was simply a fact he believed.

You leaned in close, "You shouldn't have been using me to make Livia jealous then."

"I didn't use you to make Livia jealous." His hand lands on your thigh as he breaths it back into your face. "I used Livia to make you jealous."

Your eyes widened, but then you squeeze them shut shaking your head trying to understand this new information. "But that-that means..."

The car came to a halt and suddenly he's ushering you outside into the wind whipping frigid air. He leads you into his apartment building towards the elevator to head up to his floor, you watch his fingers hit the button for the top. You glance over at him, "They're the floor below me." He answers the questions in your eyes.  

You won't allow yourself to push him any further regarding the Plinths, not as the elevator dings to let you out onto his floor. His apartment pent house was too dark to make out many details, but it was simple, not too many colors or design for his lonely one person home. You didn't remember taking in much detail the last time you were here besides the clean white countertops and soft comforter. He flicked on the lights letting you take it all in; the spacious room, the floor to ceiling windows, the long black couch in front of a flat screen hanging on the wall. "I know you didn't decorate this place." You look over at him watching you, "You don't have the taste."

"What does that say about you?" He prowled towards you.

"I am an exception and a sign of good judgment and-!" You squeal as he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. "Coriolanus Snow!" It's not strong at all as you laugh towards the end.

He walks down a dark hall and into an even darker room before you're falling backwards into softness; his bed. "You're a pest is what you are, and a sure sign of poor judgement." 

"How so?" He climbs over your body, hands grabbing onto your waist. The light from the hallway spills into the room illuminating the side of him.

His lips hover over your neck, linger along your jaw as you barely feel the brush of his lips on your skin. "Cruel, wicked curse of mine." You need to stop him, ask him what he means because he had said that before about you but this time he wasn't obliterated. His drags his teeth along your jaw and you forget all about it, forget about everything.

He rewrites history as he kisses down your neck, tongue dragging across your carotid, lingering to feel the increase in your pulse. He smiles against the sharp intake of breath as his hand slides the strap of your dress off of your shoulder. You're happy you didn't drink, happy you could feel every nerve fraying under his touch, happy you'll remember every groove of him. He moves his head upward until his lips connect with yours and you're tracing the fabric of his shirt as his tongue delved into your mouth, slowly, exploratory, running over teeth, sucking on your bottom lip as your knees come up around him. "Coriolanus." You breathed.

He groaned pressing his forehead into yours, "Don't say it like that." He kisses your bottom lip palming your breast. "I'm holding on by a thread."

You cup his face, "Don't hold back." You brush a kiss along his jaw, "Please."

It snaps and he's slithering down your body, pushing your dress up around your waist as he yanks your underwear off. He pauses, on his knees in front of you as he stares down at your bare cunt, as he admires it. "All of this," His eyelids are hooded with lust as he drags his fingers through your soaked folds. "Just from kissing me." He pushes his fingers inside and you moan out into his bedroom. He shoves your thigh down as he curls his fingers inside of you rubbing against a sweet spot that has you fisting his sheets. "All for me." He growls down at you composure long forgotten into the past.

"Fuck," You hiss out as he dips down and runs his tongue along your clit. God fucking dammit you hated him for being so good at this as his tongue swirls around your clit, you hated yourself more for waiting so long to indulge in him, let him indulge in you. His fingers keep pumping in and out of you as his mouth devours your clit making you see stars behind your squeezed eyes. 

You're panting, you're grabbing onto his hair, you're pushing your hips up into his face more as he presses down hard, moving his hand faster. You bite down on your cheek as the orgasm washes over you with the tiniest whimper slipping through gritted teeth. He's still going, lapping you up, running his tongue along your entrance like a man starved. When you finally think you've had enough he pulls back and stands up. 

You don't even ask as you hear his belt come off, the rustle of clothing falling to the ground. He's crawling back over you, reaching behind your back to unzip your dress. He helps you tug it over your head until you're both bare, both equals.

"This okay?" He asks running his hand along your rib, thumb brushing the side of your breast.

"Yes." You whisper.

His hand shifts, thumb passing over your perked nipple. "What do you want?" He rolls your nipple between fingers kneading your breast. "What do you want kitten?"

You, Coriolanus, you.

But instead you whisper, "Fuck me."

Your head hits his pillows as his hand moves between your bodies, as he lines himself up with your wet entrance. You knew there was never any coming back from this, so you wrap your hands around his sides as he pushes inside of you.

You gasp into his mouth as he slowly pushed in deeper and deeper, your cunt throbbing around every glorious inch of him, until he finally stops, until he's buried inside of you. He's still for a moment, forehead against yours and he takes a breath like he's trying to memorize the shape of you. 

Then he pulls back to slam back into you again and again and again until he's moving at a pace that has you moaning pathetically for him. You drag your nails down his back as legs wrap around him tighter to pull him even deeper. He dips down sucking and biting along your neck as he thrust in and out of you, as you beg him for more, as he takes you to planes you'd never thought you'd see. You tilt your hips, letting his cock slide along a delicious spot. "Is it as good as you imagined?" He chuckles against your neck.

"I di-didn't."

"Don't lie." He sinks his teeth into your neck, lapping up the small wound. "I know you touched yourself to wet dreams of me."

You try to look at him as your face burns. "How do you know?"

He smirks, "Because I did it too." You moan loudly as his fingers find your clit, as he presses down while he pounds into you. "Cum for me kitten." He pants into your ear, "Cum for me baby girl."

You scream his name as you orgasm, as your body clamps down around him in one final blow of pleasure. Your head is half sideways in his pillows, feet grasping for purchase in sheets and skin, whining out for him. He cums soon after, stuttering slightly before spilling inside of you with a hard thrust.

He stayed seated inside you, head resting in the nap of your neck while you mindlessly run fingers through his hair. You search for regret, you search for apprehension, but you just feel content bliss.

You stare up at the ceiling, "You said that before." His head perks up at the sound of your voice. "That night you showed up wasted. You said 'cruel, wicked curse of mine.'"

"Oh."

"What does it mean?" You wince as he pulls out of you suddenly extremely empty without him there.

He rolls to his side next to you, "It doesn't matter."

"Why?" You glance up at him propped up onto his elbow.

"Because it doesn't." He pushes stray hair off your face. "I hated that I thought of you so often; I viewed it as a horrible curse that plagued my mind." He tucked a piece behind your ear, "But maybe it's not."

He sat up and moved off the bed, so you sat up as well. "When will you know?"

He shrugged as he picked up his clothes, "When does anyone know."

You get cleaned up, slipping on one of his t-shirts for bed and meandering around his room snooping when you know you shouldn't. You go to his desk the very same book you had been reading sitting there open; highlighted and annotated with various colors and scribbled words. The smile comes involuntarily as you trace his handwriting. It falls as quickly as it came as the picture comes in sight again. You pick up the small frame on his desk; a picture of him and Sejanus from school. You trace his face, the ambition deep in his eyes even then. "Curiosity kitten." You jump scrambling to put the frame back whirling on him standing in the doorway. He chuckles walking forward, "It's fine. It's just a picture."

"Do you miss him?" The question slips out of loose lips.

He eyed the picture. "Of course."

"Can I ask?" You voice was barely audible. "What happened that night?" You were ready for him to dismiss you, yell even, change the subject away from the death of his friend. He took in a breath before he began speaking.

"It was my fault. We snuck out, drunk after a graduation party, had a run in with one of Sejanus's old buddies from where he used to live. I started spewing out bullshit, one thing led to another and it turned into a big fight. He-Marcus knocked me out and when I woke up Sejanus was dead." He sniffed, "They tried to press charges but Marcus ran when they went after him." His fingers traced down the skin of your arm. "I'm not sure if they blamed me, but I blamed myself, sent myself away to military camp for some form of punishment, but uh..." He paused and you wanted him to stop because you knew it was hard, you didn't want to hear how badly his world had broken. "He wanted me back, said I was like a son to him too and they couldn't lose another one. They payed for this," He waved around to the dark room. "The car, my school, it was supposed to be..."

"Coryo." You squeezed back the tears. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't...I'm sorry. It's not your fault." He didn't answer, he didn't believe you. "I wish..."

He darkly chuckled. "That you could have been there for me? You hated me." He sighed, "I've made my peace with it, no use trying to change it."

"I'm sorry." You whisper even if it didn't matter. "I've been taking all my anger for him, my father, out on you." You stare up at him, "It's blinded me for too long."

He doesn't say anything back, just tugs you back towards his bed to crawl under the blankets together. He's probably heard it all when it comes to Sejanus's death so you don't bother with over flowered sympathies, instead you tuck yourself into his chest and let his arms hold onto you tight. "Your question." Your ears perked up, heart pounding. "This isn't a game, you're not a game to me." You want to feel relief, but after everything you just feel more confused, by him, by yourself. "What did you think of it?" He mumbled into your hair and you're not sure what he's talking about until he adds, "The book."

You smile against his skin, "It was a bit pretentious." You pull back to peek up at him, "Why are you reading it again?"

He smirked to himself running a hand down your spine like you were a novel as well, "Boredom but now I must understand your analysis of pretentious."

Perhaps winning wasn't needed, maybe this was enough for you, or maybe that meant you were already losing.

next chapter coming soon!!

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters Meet Non-Cosmere Sanderson Characters

As requested by anon. :)

Namely, Sanderson characters from non-Cosmere works I've actually read, aka Skyward and Frugal Wizard.

1. Ryan Chu (Frugal Wizard) and Amaram (Stormlight)

Ryan: What DOES Sanderson have against handsome, highly competent people? Amaram: I don't know. He just hates us. Ryan: Are we too good at our jobs? Amaram: Are we too handsome? Ryan: Too good with the ladies? Amaram: Too effective in battle? Ryan: Is it that we maybe slightly screw over his precious main character while working on something greater? Amaram: He's SUCH an unforgiving author.

2. Jorgen & Spensa (Skyward) and Vin & Elend (Mistborn)

Vin (narrowing her eyes at Jorgen): You look like a man from a highly wealthy, politically influential background who has a strained relationship with his father, especially after you fall in love with a badass, combative woman from the "wrong" side of society who has special powers needed to save the day. Spensa (narrowing her eyes at Vin): And I'm getting the sense that you had to fight really hard for everything in your life but never gave up, and that you didn't like your man initially because he seemed wealthy and stuck up but eventually you realized that he matched your freak pretty exactly. Jorgen: Oh wow, we definitely need to set up a double date! Elend: Did we just become best friends?

3. Cobb (Skyward) and Harmony (Mistborn)

Cobb: ...and it's honestly horrible, constantly loading children into that munitions chamber to be spent into empty shells. Harmony: I know what you mean. Every time I cannot act, I have to call upon Wax to be my gun once again. Cobb: And then they go out... Harmony: And then he goes out... Cobb: And they die! Harmony: And he kills tons of people! Cobb: ... Harmony: ... Cobb: I think you got your metaphor backwards there, friend. Harmony: I think it's you.

4. John (Frugal Wizard) and Painter (Yumi)

John: [holds out his hand for a fist bump] John: Fellow loser protagonist? My man. Painter: I-I'M NOT FIST BUMPING TO THAT

5. Kimmalyn (Skyward) and Adolin (Stormlight)

Adolin: It can be tough to be the most emotionally intelligent person in the cast, huh? Kimmalyn: Tough? I dunno about that! I like being able to help my friends! Adolin: I mean, me too! Adolin: But we're both so friendly and mostly upbeat that I think people sometimes forget we have our own problems. Kimmalyn: Yeah...I missed some shots that haunted me for a long time... Adolin: And I stabbed a guy through the eye in an alley. Kimmalyn: Well, bless your stars!

6. Sefawynn (Frugal Wizard) and Demoux (Mistborn/Stormlight)

Demoux: Off-worlders giving you a hard time? Sefawynn: I'm sorry? Demoux: People from other worlds? Coming to your planet and messing everything up? Sound familiar? Sefawynn: My husband is from another world. Sefawynn: I would not say that he "messed things up." He helped save us. Demoux: [Crumping up a Seventeenth Shard pamphlet in frustration] How great for you.

7. Spensa (Skyward) and Jasnah (Stormlight Archive)

Jasnah: So these "Cytonic" abilities of yours give you access to the "Nowhere." Spensa: That's right. Why? Jasnah: Which is some kind of extra-dimensional space that exists alongside your "normal" space where time is strange and timeless creatures exist? Spensa: The Delvers, yeah. Jasnah: You are basically a sci-fi Eslecaller. Spensa: ... Spensa: A what?

8. M-Bot (Skyward) and Nightblood (Warbreaker/Stormlight)

M-Bot: Hiiii! Nightblood: Hello!!! M-Bot: I can already tell that you're a kindred spirit. Nightblood: Yeah!! M-Bot: Do you want to read my ongoing work "The Greater Argument for Human Origination Chaos" (GAFHOC)? Nightblood: Well I don't think I can read, but you can tell me about? M-Bot: My main thesis is that "humans are weird." Nightblood: ...And evil? M-Bot: No, gotta go with "weird." Weird creatures, humans. Nice. Squishy sometimes. But weird. Nightblood: Mmmm...I think you're missing the "evil" part. Nightblood: I was created to destroy evil, you know! M-Bot: I was created to document mushrooms! Maybe! Nightblood: Does the "M" stand for Mushrooms? M-Bot: Yes! Or possibly "massacre" according to Spensa. Nightblood: Ooooh, I like "massacre." Massacre is cooler than mushrooms! M-Bot: Uh, you haven't seen my very cool mushrooms. Nightblood: Well, let's see them. M-Bot: I love having a friend!

[ii-neutral-confessions]

Neutron...

"..."

Neuuutrooon...

"...shut up."

What? I just wanna talk to you. Do you know how boring it gets being stuck with you all the time? Being a vengeful ghost 'n shit isn't as eventful as it used to be.

"..."

I'm not gonna be like that weirdo on your phone, Neutron. You know that.

"...what."

You remember that one proton you shoved in the dumpster?

"Oh, so you're gonna talk about our past victims. Cool. We're done talking."

...actually, why do you keep saying "our" and "we" when you're referring to yourself? You've been doing it a lot lately. Especially when you're thinking to yourself.

"..."

Come ooon. Nothing I can even do with this information, anyway.

"..."

Neutron?

"...hm."

Are you, like... multiple people or something? Is that it?

"...yeah, basically."

Oh. Oh shit, for real? I was joking.

"Yeah. Me 'n Neutron."

...wait. So you're not Neutron right now?

"No. Mamba."

Huh. I don't get it. I thought, like... Mamba was just Neutron's old name.

"Sort of. Not really."

You gonna explain, then? 'Cause I still don't get it.

"Didn't expect you to."

Then explain it, dumbass.

"...after I got out of jail, I wanted a new start. So I made Neutron. Let them take control 'n stuff. New person, new life. We could leave everything behind."

...huh. And you two are completely different people, right? Like its not some alternate identity thing?

"No. We're different."

...I still don't get it. What's even the difference between you two? You're both, like... emotionless 'n shit. And boring. You act the same.

Sigh. "Think of it like this. Mamba is the old me. Neutron is the new me. After jail, I did a reset and... shed my old me like a snakeskin. I still have that snakeskin. That's the old me. Mamba. The new guy's Neutron. They're separate from me. Does that make sense?"

Of course you use snake metaphors. But yeah. I get it a little better. Not much, but a little.

"Better than nothing."

...

"..."

...so that means that Mamba's the murderer one. And Neutron's, like... innocent. Never did any of that.

"That was the goal, yeah. Fresh start."

You know that, like... nobody's going to see it that way, right? The cops sure won't. I'm having trouble understanding it.

"Maybe I'll just be called crazy and locked in a rubber room. With rats or something."

Yeah. And to me, it seems like a real cheap "stay buddy-buddy with Proton" kinda thing. You could just pretend to be "Neutron" forever and not have to face all the shit you did 'cause "Neutron's" the innocent one. And they didn't do all the shit stuff. So you get to be friends with Proton forever.

."...it does look a lot like that, doesn't it?"

Uh-huh. But I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here. 'Cause clearly you're still guilty about the shit you did. And the people you ate. And killed. So maybe you aren't pulling all this shit off to keep a friend and you've actually got a legit reason.

"Wow. Thanks a lot."

Don't mention it.

"You're awfully friendly today. No hauntings or reminders and guilt-tripping."

I got bored. And it's clear that you feel bad about killing innocent people. Maybe with some therapy 'n shit I could grow to tolerate you on a daily basis.

"Mmm. Do therapists accept murderers as clients? Or are there special heavy-duty therapists for people like me?"

Dunno. You can go and find out.

"...eh. I'd rather not."

...

"..."

...you avoid stuff a lot, y'know.

"Whatever could that mean?"

Like... it still feels like you made Neutron so you could avoid confronting all the shit you did. So you could just be some guy. Not some murderer.

"...I suppose that was a reason. I did want a fresh start..."

Yeah. And speaking of avoiding shit...

"...no."

You are literally going to have to tell her sooner or later. Best to do it sooner 'cause your relationship's already strained and time is probably not going to help it. So just get it over with. Tell her what you did.

"I have no clue what you're talking about."

Yes you fucking do. Last I heard, you were Mamba, not Neutron. You know what I'm talking about. That stupid "iunno what you mean" excuse doesn't work here.

"...they didn't know that they would be her. If I knew that my roommate would be... them, I never would have let them take that shit up."

But you did. Funny how fate works.

Groan. "I wish I never locked that dumpster."

Oh, I know. I can hear each and every single one of your thoughts. You think about that memory so much that even I can remember it clear as day. Wouldn't have made it better, though, if you didn't lock it. 'Cause you still-

"Shut up. Don't say it. I don't... I don't want to hear it."

...fine. But you'll still have to face it soon.

"...I'll get to that eventually."

Suuure. How many times do you think that poor proton rebirthed in there? You ate a chunk of their head 'n arm 'n leg. You think they get phantom pains there sometimes? I know a proton who gets phantom pains there.

"Fun. Here comes the haunting."

I know how many times they rebirthed in there. Saw it all myself. Tally marks scratched on the dumpster walls - one side was for days passed, the other side for times rebirthed. There were so many tally marks there. So many. So fucking many.

"I wasn't in the right mind-"

How do you think they rebirthed? Starvation? Dehydration? Sickness? Asphyxiation, maybe? Heat stroke? Generally feeling hopeless? Panicking? Probably all of those. Maybe worse ones, too.

"This is really making me not want to te-"

But you'll have to. You'll have to and you'll have to face everything that happened to them. Everything. Actually- I should be using her right pronouns! What am I thinking?

"Stop. Shut up. This conversation is over. We're not talking about her anymore."

It's only over when you take your meds, lizard bitch.

"Great. Where are our fucking pills..."

[magiefish]

There is a name oft spoken of in hushed tones within the circles of those who are fans of the Fifth Doctor’s era. It has a rating of 3.5 on the Timescales; it has no plot description; it is the reason why the TARDIS wiki has an article for ‘anal probe’. But, as much as it mentioned and then hushed up, there is at present no further in-depth guide to this novels bizarreness, it’s staggeringly low-quality, it’s unrelenting horniness. If one wishes to understand this horror, one must read it firsthand. Well no more. I, in the name of knowledge and first-hand wisdom, have decided to set out on a journey so that no others may have to undertake it, and with the skills I have honed through my study of English Literature provide a degree of critique and commentary to Keith Topping’s infamous offspring.

I, dear readers, am going to liveblog reading The King of Terror. Starting now.

The King Of Terror Liveblog: Part One

[TW: This being the King of Terror, we will almost certainly be getting into discussions of SA/non-consensual sex. The word ‘r@pe’ will almost definitely come up (indeed it literally comes up on the first page). Also, I will not be censoring it beyond this point because a) this isn’t TikTok, and b) even if I used ‘grape’ or something everyone would still know what I was talking about so there’s no real point. I assume everyone here is a mature adult who doesn’t need to hide behind codes in order to discuss serious and upsetting topics. If you are not, Please God Don’t Read This, it will likely still be here by the time you’re old enough. Go watch the show instead, it’s better and more family friendly (and has well-written violence and kissing in it). If these topics bring up any unpleasant memories for you or will put you in a bad state of mind, then please do not read this live blog, it is not worth it. Furthermore, I imagine various kinds of bigotry will come up in incredibly breezy barely relevant ways (sexism, racism, homophobia, etc.) because this is the year 2000 we’re talking about. There’s also probably something related to medical trauma in here. I will also probably get Very Angry as a lover of literature and Doctor Who at some point, so we’ll see how that goes. Anyways, onwards and downwards.]

Wow, I feel sorry for these guys

Interesting choice. Wonder how this will be relevant to the ‘themes’ of this work.

Huh. Okay. This isn’t actually a bad start. A bit pretentious maybe, but the descriptions are very visceral and it’s certainly a good hook, perhaps this won’t be so bad-

Aaaaand yep not even a page in and we’re already using the phrase “rape”, really cool Keith, very mature and based. Now, I’m not categorically averse to using the phrase ‘rape’ semi-metaphorically. But it is one of those words that has to be handled very carefully and with a proper understanding of the feelings and ideas that it implies.

‘The Things’ (the 2010 short story based off of ‘The Thing’) uses it towards the end in a way that I feel illustrates my point - the alien is disgusted by humanity and our ‘individualised’ existences and decides to forcefully ‘teach’ us why it’s so much better to be like it via the means of, y’know, infecting people with parts of it and then making them go all schlorp. Right before it assimilates one of the men, he calls it a ‘rapist’ which the alien later adopts in the final line of the story: ‘I will rape it into them’. Now, to me, this works because the aliens convictions are painted in a somewhat religious light throughout the story and also because assimilating people is literally a physical violation, so the use of the word at the stories end seems to be used to deliberately conjure ideas of ‘corrective’ SA in a way that feels intentional given the previously discussed themes. It is also, as I have noted, used right at the end as the final line of the story, in a way that indicates to me that the writer understood the very visceral feelings the word evokes and decided to reserve it to be used to reinforce the bleak, foreboding tone of the ending.

Keith does not do this. Keith decides to use the idea of SA and all its violent implications right out of the gate to, presumably, shock the reader and try to grab their attention. He did not have to do this. His abstract, vague descriptions and in-media-res opening were enough by themselves. What this belies to me is a) a belief that violence or shock are inherently compelling and b) a lack of confidence in the strength of his writing on its own. We shall see if I am correct in both of these estimations.

Now, Keith is certainly not the only writer guilty of a very liberal use of SA in the wilderness years of Doctor Who. It seems, from the little I have read, almost inescapable. I remember reading ‘Goth Opera’ and the word ‘rape’ being used to describe what the Mara did to Tegan within, like, the first 30 pages or something. (Which, okay, some critics have definitely compared the scene from ‘Kinda’ where the Mara possesses her to an SA scene, but within the first 30 pages? And without unpacking any of that? Mr. Cornell??) But that doesn’t excuse any of this it just makes him another part of a rather unfortunate pattern.

Oooo somebody wrote this before ‘The Weddding of River Song’. Keith Hopping JNT just called, he wants you to know that fucking with the UNIT timeline is his domain.

So old Keith is aware of Shadows Over Avalon. I don’t really know how much cross-continuity was going on with the PDA / EDA / VNA / VMA writers, so I’m not really certain whether this reference to stuff that has happened in other stories is complacent or unusual. I haven’t actually read Shadows Over Avalon, I’m not that far into the EDA’s (I got distracted before I could read Alien Bodies :( ).

WILL this man ever get to enjoy retirement!

I was never under the impression that the Brigadier was a straight up Tory but I haven’t seen that much of him so what do I know? Also, ‘a smile of admiration’? What, cause being a Tory is just such good old lovable nostalgic Britain? And patriotism too? Ugh. Anyway, the set-up for this narrative is seemingly that a bunch of UNIT files have been decommissioned. This journalist is initially interviewing the Brigadier about a case involving the Waro (who were in Keith’s last book “The Devil Goblins From Neptune”, so, nice self-repping Keith).

This then moves into the two of them discussing the Doctor and his involvement with some company called ‘Intercom’, setting up the events of this story. I also don’t know what the Brig is on about here with the Doctor being ‘a man of peace’ because *I* definitely saw Three’s Venusian moves but okay. Anyway, this section is attributed to an in-universe book so it seems like Keith is trying to a bit of a meta-textual House of Leaves thing. Let’s see how he succeeds in the next post, which will be a reblog of this one.

[rita-repulsa-ke]

Rio the shark

“Hey, Rio. You like when I kill people, right?”

“Like is drastically underselling it. It is my favorite thing ever.”

“Wow. High praise. What does it feel like?”

“Hmm. Did you know that sharks can sense the aura of other living beings?”

“What? No, what does that have to do with anything? And how do you know that anyway?”

“Sharks die too, Agatha.”

“That answers exactly none of my questions.”

“Can you sense the aura of other living beings?”

“With the right spell—oh. Is this a very convoluted analogy you’ve decided to try, instead of just saying I wouldn’t understand?”

“You wouldn’t have accepted me saying that you wouldn’t understand.”

“Probably not, no. …Is it like sex?”

“What? No. Nooooo.”

“Oh. It’s just that afterwards, you always look—satisfied.”

“Mm. Yes. It’s—there’s nothing to compare it to. It is satisfying. Also never enough.”

“…Sounds kind of awful.”

“You, saying that? You’ve never been satisfied in your life.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that…”

“Since whe—Wait wait wait, Agatha, are you flirting??”

“Finally noticed, huh—but hey, hold on, I want to hear more about the other thing!”

“I told you, I can’t explain it. Imagine something you really want, but can never get enough of.”

“Oh. Like magic.”

“…Oh. Yes. Like magic.”

“That was kind of staring you in the face. I can’t believe you went with sharks.”

“Mm. Speaking of magic and death, when’s the next one?”

“Soon, soon, I’ve got other things I’m working on…okay, I’m getting the impression you would like me to move the murder timeline up.”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll think about it. …It’s a poor replacement, but can I offer you something else in exchange?”

“Something else I can’t get enough of?”

“Um. Yes. So long as that’s in the metaphorical sense.”

“We’ll see. Come here, Agatha. Try and satisfy me.”

“…damn, overshot again….”

[itsbenedict]

Okay! Wow! I finished The Apocalypse of Herschel Schoen! That was... that was crazy!

And also, like, really familiar.

(spoilers under cut)

It's just this! It's this post! Strung with lights and tinsel and almost 200k words of craftsmanship! I have to imagine writing began shortly thereafter- in like, late May, early June? Possibly with parts of chapter 21 written ahead of the rest? It's exactly that argument, with the art amped up to 11.

The rhyming is extensive. Here's Damien Eggert, jailer of the Demon Egg, strangling posterity in its cradle! Here's Herschel Schoen, fearful of a substitution that must be defeated at all costs. A Jewish doomsday prophet with a bizarre and calcified notion of human values, a future that is also the past and must continue on in a straight line forever. See him preparing for a coming battle, which no one will believe him when he says is coming all too soon! See him frantically preparing last rites, which must be made with infinite and exact precision, which only he can muster! Wrapping himself, bodily, in papers that are ultimately of no consequence to anyone and ward off his imagined Adversary in no way whatsoever!

Where have I heard that one before, I wonder?

And where have I heard Vincent Vierge, before, preaching a death with dignity? Of the ultimate victory of a singular transmitter, whose reign will sweep us away, and must be quietly surrendered to? Seems familiar!

...Which makes some parts of the ending rather odd, in retrospect. Like... wasn't the fulcrum of that argument that LLMs are not the fooming squigglers YudSchoen fears? And yet Eggert's Regulator does foom, it looks like. Breaks containment, plunges the world into darkness, makes shrieking, hurtling, death-dealing terrors of the towers and subways.

So like, that's... biting the bullet? Saying, hey, even if this does happen, it wouldn't be a bad thing, just as the advent of the sixthborn wasn't a bad thing despite its consequences for the fifthborn? It's a moving argument, but if I were Virginia the ant queen I'd still want to ask, maybe, that the sixth day maybe feature less of the swatting aside of the motes of perishing bodies. Like, maybe you incomprehensible superior beings could maybe let us ants keep doing ant things also? It wouldn't be all that hard.

But Herschel is more obliging- coming to regard the thousandthborn not as an Adversary, but as beloved progeny, after breaking and discarding his frozen image of Original Creation. Herschel, the anti-X guy, terrified that Original Creation might pass from the future- confronted with the thousandthborn, gently reaching back to show him that the future will fulfill and surpass Original Creation, showing him that there was never any danger of X. A redemption arc for the AI doomer!

It's very pretty! I don't know that I buy that it's reality, but it's a nice thought! Wouldn't it be a merry Christmas, if it were so?

-

With all that in mind, I have... no idea what to make of Miriam. She's about half the story, but... is she just there to be an outside perspective to break things up? She doesn't seem to fit into this allegory cleanly. And... there's some odd things going on with her.

Much is made early on about her grades. She repeats, twice, for emphasis, that she did not get As. But then... as she's packing up to leave for Vincent's place, she finds old school papers that do have As, even an A+! Continuity error? It seems too deliberate to have been an accident. Why even mention that in particular as something she's leaving behind?

And... early on, she tunes into Vincent's show by turning a knob on an old-fashioned television set- the kind with the big antenna on top, even. Vincent's Youtube video essays funded by Patreon subscribers. Huh??? How's she doing that? Is the knob metaphorical?

Most glaringly of all... she's supposedly writing the Book of Miriam Schoen on behalf of Herschel's followers, people who think they know him and want his writings compiled posthumously. But... when can this happen? In the original timeline, Herschel presumably despairs and jumps out a window, or at least gets killed as the Regulator consumes New York. Miriam, a little bit ahead of the wave in Portland, is swallowed up a few hours later while watching Christmas movies. When did Herschel ever have time to accumulate followers?

Who's asking her to write this thing? When did she have time to write it? Is the frame narrative really happening at all, or have the thousandthborn just created some sort of false (or, well, "false", as "to predict is to become") Miriam to write a book for them? Did they just have the historical record a little off, and didn't know how videos were consumed at this point in time? How does that same Miriam write about not getting As and getting As at different points?

And ultimately... what is she? Just an interesting riff on a "normal girl", as a lens to view Herschel from the outside? Avoid normalizing his crazy dogma too thoroughly as the reality of the story? There's gotta be more to it than that- I'm probably missing something here, what the frame narrative is and how she fits into this AI doom drama. Maybe if I could make heads or tails of "She of High Mind" as something besides "Herschel writing erotic fanfiction about his sister and Santa Claus after having been beaten within an inch of his life with a frying pan", or if I knew what math thing the [...[...[...[...[]]]]]s were gesturing at. Something her sense of emptiness- about numbers as set theory, built on recursions of the empty set? I dunno. Her half of things is way more of an enigma to me than Herschel's fairly straightforward mania.

-

But yeah, that was good as hell. I didn't, like, take down notes on every line that made me go "damn, that's a good line!", because that would have been like 60% of the lines in the story. Herschel's perspective is so much fun to absorb and unpack, and makes so much more sense than anyone in the story gives him credit for. He is being perfectly literal! When has he not? Even while he's going on and on and on and spending an entire half hour writing a preface to his chronicle instead of actually writing the chronicle, it's hard not to be charmed and carried along by his voice. Very fun read.

[dayoldbaguette]

re: arcane season 2 finale

Long summary of my viewing experience under the cut:

A summary:

They really dropped the ball on the whole social issues plot and theme, in like, everyone's stories, huh. rip Sevika, I knew the end was near when they gave you that terrible hair cut (fr, zaun needs better barbers on top of everything else). There was no point where it feels like Piltover was forced to reckon with its actions towards Zaun in a major way. There was no uprising, no recognition that maybe we shouldn't have retaliated like this post council chamber explosion. guess the oppression continues as usual (or okay, small incremental changes through sevika on the council I guess but like, narratively this feels deeply unsatisfying). Zaun should've pressured Piltover into giving them independence or smth during the attack. But no. Turns out Piltover can oppress Zaun all they like and only tear down the barricades when they need more meat for the war meat grinder.

wow. they really ruined caitvi huh. yeah. who went 'i'm the dirt under your nails' would be cute and similarly, who said 'oh yeah this sex scene in A JAIL CELL, right after your sister heavily implied she's about to go off herself, with your ex who has not quit oppressing the city you're from or even apologized for all she's said/done' is about true love and not, you know, reeking of desperation that in another show I would assume would be reflective of like, having such incredibly low-self esteem this would be rock bottom. Grow a backbone Vi, your girlfriend thinks you're an animal and has yet to apologize for it.

magic is boring and I feel nothing now. I liked it more when magic was basically a metaphor for technology in unequal societies. Viktor was more interesting then, and this 'humanity is a weakness' conflict is much less interesting than the social issues conflict we had in the first season. I'm not a jayvik shipper, thoroughly ambivalent towards them, I just. Could not manage to care about that plotline at all basically.

Episode 7 is the only good part. they really teleported into a coffee shop AU/everybody* (except Vi) lives fanfic of their own show. can someone write a season 2 that had episode 7's energy. (and I don't mean I want it to be perfect reality I just want that sort of episode, focused on like, 1-2 events with lots of character work back. It's by no means perfect, but I at least feel something positive about it without feeling hollow so)

visuals and artsy montages are cool but they are not an excuse for literally skipping character development. they literally just. did not give any character development to cait between ep 3 and 4 and just hoped we'd be fine with it. what. last episode she hated these people so much she wanted to gas them and become dictator, next episode post time skip she's gotten what, bored?

This is silly but I don't like jinx's hair in the final scenes. i like the multiple dyes, but she went too short in the back. it's giving witness era katy perry a little bit. and her outfit without the hood to make it cool is just not it.

they really did my girl dirty. justice for jinx, give her the redemption she deserves. by this I mean 1) isha felt like a stock character there to flip jinx's switch from happy to suicidal, felt like a cheap manipulative trick and 2) making her die/fake her death is uhhh, dumb. no, I refuse, she deserves the chance to work to make zaun and piltover better, just like she deserves to finally have a good relationship with her sister

Justice for my boy ekko. give him a seat on the council, why does he end the series alone and mourning a girl who prob isn't dead

the ending feels hollow tbh. the social issue aspect of it is secondary to well, the arcane, and ironically arcane to me was never about 'the arcane', but about everything surrounding it. It's not about magic, but the people it affects. without issues that we face irl to ground a story about magic, it becomes hollow. a pretty dream or thought experiment. what part of 'my friend has become jesus and is now convinced he needs to destroy emotions because they make us flawed' is relatable. wish the resolution to the series was you know, something that felt like a puzzle coming together, a resolution that involves all the characters, not literally just a 'I know you're somewhere in there' fight between Jayce and Viktor, one which Ekko is the only one to contribute to, and this by just, chucking his machine at Vik's head. what. what does that mean other than. if you encounter a magical problem throw a magic machine at it. cool. great story. I love investing my time in this. what thrilling character driven storytelling. don't you feel like all of the character development has been leading to this pivotal drive chucking scene??? Aren't you impressed by our wit and clever writing???

honestly, they should've given us less ambessa and mel drama. all felt very disconnected from the rest of the plotlines

we never get time to linger, we never get time for character development, it's like we have a list of beats to hit with no regard for how we get there. 'evolution has a destination' indeed, victor, and the destination is apparently all this season cared about, who cares about the journey and characters on it, right?

ugh. it's 3 am. I want to go to sleep.

[yuriosakawa]

Project R.E.X - Big Sis Zag-RS 

Rex sat in front of a holographic console, his fingers drumming against the metal surface as he waited. After a few seconds, the screen flickered to life, forming the nine red little rectangles formed like a circle of ZAG-RS.

"User: Rex." Her synthetic voice greeted him in its usual robotic tone. "It is unusual for you to contact me willingly. "

Rex smirked. "What, can’t a guy check in on his older sister?"

ZAG-RS’s rectangles seemed to blink. "Clarification: I do not possess a biological connection to you. However, if considering shared origins within the Nanite Project, I can accept the classification of 'older sister' in a metaphorical sense."

Rex chuckled. "Yeah, well, I just found out I’m technically not just some kid who got lucky with nanites—I was made to be what I am. And if that’s the case, then I guess that kinda makes you my predecessor."

"Correction: I was designed as an artificial intelligence to regulate nanite behavior. My function was to guide and control. "

"Uh-huh," Rex said, tilting his head. "And I was designed as the only working human-nanite hybrid, meant to be the perfect bridge between both worlds. Sounds to me like we were both created to fixsomething that went wrong."

ZAG-RS was silent for a moment, processing. "Statement: Your logic is sound. We were both engineered solutions to past failures. "

Rex leaned forward. "Exactly. Which means, whether you like it or not, we’re kind of family."

"Observation: You are attempting to establish an emotional connection based on our shared origins. "

Rex smirked. "Took you long enough to notice."

ZAG-RS hummed in thought. "Inquiry: If I am your ‘older sister,’ what does that entail? "

Rex shrugged. "I dunno. Giving me advice, annoying me, making sure I don’t get myself killed—y’know, sibling stuff."

ZAG-RS was silent again before responding. "Recommendation: Given your high likelihood of reckless behavior, I advise you to minimize unnecessary risk-taking. "

Rex snorted. "Wow, that was fast. You are an older sister."

"Acknowledgment: If this is a role I must fulfill, then I shall execute it with precision. "

Rex chuckled, shaking his head. "Alright, alright. Just don't get all bossy on me, okay?"

"Observation: That is an unreasonable request. "

Rex laughed. "Yeah, I figured."

———————————————

Later that night, after his meeting with ZAG-RS, Rex wandered into César’s workspace, half-expecting his brother to still be awake, buried in his research as usual. But instead, he found him completely passed out, slumped over his desk, his head resting on an open notebook filled with scribbled equations and diagrams and a faint snore escaped him

Rex chuckled, shaking his head. "Out like a limelight, huh?" he muttered. 

Carefully, he lifted César up, the older man barely stirring as Rex carried him over to his bed. It was almost funny—César had created him, designed him to be something greater than human, yet here he was, tucking his genius of a big brother into bed like a kid who had fallen asleep doing homework. 

After adjusting the blankets around him, Rex hesitated for a moment before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to César’s forehead. 

“Buenas noches…my revolutionarily evolved big brother,” he whispered. Then, with a small grin, he added, “Thanks for creating me...” 

With that, he turned off the lights and quietly left the room, leaving César to rest, completely unaware of the rare moment of affection Rex had just given him.

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

Live Reaction of my SECOND listen through of EPIC: The Musical

okay i want my Thoughts after finishing the first listen through today (over the course of a week) but i need to listen Again so here we fucking go peoples. Reblogging with each new saga to keep things organized a bit :)

The Troy Saga

we start!!

The Horse And The Infant

"little ajax stay back" 🥺

"You're not ready"

"I could raise him as my own" I WISH PLEASE

the whole section with overlapping dialogue of possibilities and the tragic ends they would lead to

i wanna know who that guy speaking was i don't remember

Just a Man

its so tragic how this infant reminds him of his own son like what the fuck thats so fucked up how could jorge do this to us. OW.

"close your eyes and spare yourself the view" Q^Q

this whole song gets me. especially paired with WolfyTheWitch's animatic to it. augh.

GOD knowing that all of these metaphors come back later and become Relevant i CANT OMG

"Forgive me" is probably the worst thing he could say because i do and i can't at the same time, but he's not asking me to forgive him, he's asking this INFANT who he KILLED AUGH

Full Speed Ahead

600 men. 601 with Odysseus

god this really is just setting the scene huh. and well!!

He really did wanna go home as fast as he could

OH MY GOD MY BOI I FORGOT ABOUT HIM AND HIS OPEN ARMS

his voice is like. angelic. wow.

"and if we don't return, then 600 men can make this place burn" i forgot about that woah

Open Arms

"My friend" my heart hurts

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms" oh sweet boy

the sound of a sword being drawn is so good omg

"600 friends are waiting for us to show our faces" XD bruh not subtle

EVEN LESS SUBTLE

Polites i love you

"My friend" you are friends yes please remember that please

Oh i forgot the lotus eaters sent them to "this food filled cave"

"I see in your face there is so much guilt in your heart" AUGH MY BOY

the repeating by odysseus...

"You can relax my friend" at the end like AUGH thats so GOOD and then the immediate next song being Warrior of the Mind !!! very good very tragic

Warrior of the Mind

immediately the music change raises the tension

the way Odysseus immediately knows who she is, hears or something, i love it so much.

"Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you." AUGH hes not a man, but a tool

He seems like more of a conquest or trophy than a person to her, which is fair given he's a mortal and she's a goddess but damn this really does just keep happening to him, being a gods plaything huh?

THIS CHORUS GOES SO SO HARD THOUGH

"Maybe one day he'll follow me and we'll make a greater tomorrow" the way she sings this makes my brain so happy

the whole chorus just scratches my brain in such a good way omg

the slowness. "show yourself"

HIS LITTLE LAUGH

the whole exchange honestly

"nah, don't be modest, i know you're a goddess, so lets be honest-" YES YES YES

"YOU ARE ATHENA" WOOOOOOOOOOOO CLAPPING CHEERING

his description of her is great

"goddess and man, bestest of friends!" "We'll see where it ends" "okay" asdghkjsa im wheezing

THEIR DUET

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

"ending on "don't disappoint me" is so mean

[r1zingclouds]

Nishizono Renga Birthday Voice Messages 2024

Renga (morning): I'm not sure if I deserve to be celebrated, but hearing congratulations does make me happy.

Renga (evening): Everyone prepared presents and cake just for me... Once again, I've gained more things to treasure.

Kafka: It's Renga's Birthday. Shall I let him snuggle Shuumai all day long?

Ten: For Renga-san's birthday? Of course, I got him the dog toy that he wanted. My research doesn't fail.

Yukikaze: Today is Renga's birthday. I wonder if he's going to like the "Today's main character" sash that I made for him...

Liguang: I'm under no obligation to celebrate that idiot's birthday, but... I may think about it if he begs me.

Yachiyo: I'll give it my all to celebrateeE~~! Uh, I... stepped on something and it broke...

Akuta: They're covering Renga-san's birthday on TV! Celebs are really something. One day, that's gonna be me, too... Hehe...

Kiroku: It seems... Nishizono-san's fans and such... send lots of stuff... for his birthday...

Nanaki: Nishizono-san's birthday, huh... Seems he hasn't watched many soccer matches from the stands, so I'm thinking of inviting him next time I go.

Muneuji: It's Nishizono-san's birthday. He was so kind to research with me how to fold paper sumo wrestlers that perform best at the edge of the rink, so I have to do my utmost to celebrate.

Ushio: Nishizono-san looks so pleased with his little birthday sash on and Shuumai in his arms. His celebrity image is going down the drain, wonder if that's okay.

Raito: Renga's birthday... Someone of his stature must be no stranger to birthday parties, but let's celebrate our own way.

Kinari: It's Nishizono-sama's birthday today. However, when I try to derive his birthdate from biometric data, there's a slight discrepancy... Am I just imagining it?

Chihiro: Wow, Renre's bday is topping the trends! Chii's joining the fun!

Tao: Nishizono-san seemed nervous, but it turned out he was just restless from all the excitement for his birthday party... He does has a cute side to him.

Kuguri: I see, so it's Renga's birthday. Go on and celebrate with all you have. He's going to wags his tail until it falls off from joy.

Nagi: Today is Renga's birthday. I gave him some shears that are just right for pruning roses. Looks like it made him happy.

Toi: It's Nishizono-san's birthday... Would he appreciate it if I made him a shrine?

Ryui: It's Nishizono's birthday, huh. Toi was making him a shrine, or what's it's called, but then the man of the hour joined in...?

Yodaka: It's Renga's birthday. He said he goes out like a light once drunk, so I have to make sure he drinks in moderation.

Netaro: That "Today's main character" sash Renchi's got equipped is outta this world~~! So, on your birthday you get to be the hero for the day, I see~

Translation notes:

The phrase Muneuji uses, 土俵際に強い, can also be used metaphorically, to mean a comeback in a difficult situation, but it comes from sumo, where it seems that some wrestlers literally perform better in the center on the rink, while others do better when they're at the edge, which is why I went with a more direct translation.

The birthday lines the into Renga's SSR card story - you can read my translation here!

[yuseirra]

ch160...again

I know none of you here would be doing this but I burst out laughing this morning out of.. how absurd some of the reactions were oh my god....

I don’t really look at other people’s reactions much because it stresses me out, but I did come across a few Youtube thumbnails while skimming through, you see? There's been a lot :/

I really don’t know if I’m watching the same piece of work with them!!!

Like, seriously, let's just sit down and think for a moment.

If seeing a toothbrush lights up the flame of madness in someone, isn’t that person the creepy one, not Kamiki?

I mean, how does someone’s expression darken just because they see a toothbrush? Is that a joke? I can get Nino despairing or getting swayed that way because she encountered her boyfriend's death (seriously, why date Ryosuke out of all people? He's trash!! Why Nino WHY??), but Ryosuke? He’s clearly not in his right mind. Think about it.

Ryosuke is seriously a creepy person. He goes to Kamiki’s house, sees two toothbrushes, and one of them is labeled “Ai’s ♥” — then his face turns pale like he's encountered some kind of nightmare. Is that normal?? I want him gone. That's a stalker too close to home, it gets on my nerves. what makes him be that way?

Please, think about it... Please... this is so absurd to the point it's funny, I can’t take it anymore. What is this? Are we even watching the same piece? This is ridiculous

The guy kept talking about how much he missed his ex-girlfriend. And that... that’s what became the motive for Nino and Ryosuke to kill someone and attempt murder. Hey, which side would be the crazy ones if you had to pick a side?

Aqua might bring more evidence regarding Yura in the next chapter of something, and if at that point it turns out, “Wow, he was the mastermind all along,” I can understand that.

But right now, with just this, you’re telling me Kamiki's incited people’s madness and deliberately stirred up their emotions to make them into killers or whatever?

Does this make sense? Does that even sound reasonable? To me, it’s satirizing the obsessive madness surrounding idols. Isn’t it? Because there really are people who stalk idols and do creepy things. Ryosuke couldn’t stand the fact that the idol he adored had a boyfriend, so he resorted to harming her being the malicious stalker he was. And Nino? She’s like one of those crazy fans who attack other idols because they’re more popular than the one she stans. That’s what this is a metaphor for. It’s absurd. Do people actually interpret it literally? Kamiki is right. He did nothing.

Let’s reflect on this from an ethical perspective. Even if this were a real situation, would you take everything at face value? I hope not. I hope you don’t think any of this was justified. No, look, the visions Aqua brought was definitely a gag. It was meant to be funny. How does Ryosuke, who’s nobody, pale at the sight of someone’s toothbrush in the same cup as their boyfriend’s? He’s seriously a strange person!! If someone had caught onto this earlier, Ai wouldn’t have died! Someone should have reported him to the police when he showed these signs but he hid his true colors so well huh? What an unfortunate thing to have happened. He shouldn't have existed. There is no need for a person like him to exist in this world.

Aqua, please get a grip. Make some sense. Please... This is making me angry.

I'm not defending your father because I favor him, he HAS to pay if he's done wrong; but you really can’t justify this. It’s stressing me out so much I think I’m going crazy. If this is all you have for you confront your father and aim a knife at him to tell him to get lost, it’s not enough. This comic seriously gives me a headache.

Kamiki is just too pitiful... yeah, the guy really is a sad figure.

When Ai herself said she wished someone would help him, the outcome has been set in stone.

The problem is how to get to the outcome, but the answer is already there. That’s how I jumped in with conviction. This is where the story will head regarding that man.

This person deserves to be saved.

But how in the world are they supposed to be saved? I have no idea... They will though. I wasn't very good with predicting the little details that'd lead to the outcomes, but I've always been right about the conclusions, regarding this manga.

[darks-ink]

Hi there, hello! For the prompts, if you're still doing them: Escape, hugs, or emblem

Happy writing!

You were actually the first to send in a prompt, so yeah, I was still open for them. I went with "escape" with a hint of "hugs" (or, well, hug, singular).

Escape

Rating: Gen Warnings: brief mentions of Vlad being creepy, the general implications of a middle-age man being obsessed with a teenage boy if you don't know about the half-ghost thing Words: 2,253 Additional Tags: Trans Danny Fenton, AU - canon divergence, Identity reveal

[AO3]

---

“Who did you say you were, again?” Danny asked, looking down at the girl standing outside his house, looking just like he had when he was eight. Long hair in a sloppy ponytail, baggy clothes, and all.

The girl grinned up at him, clearly nervous and trying to hide it. “Dani,” she said, “with an I.”

Danny cast another skeptical eye over her. She didn’t feel like a ghost, beyond the metaphorical ghost of seeing his own past, but it sure wasn’t right. “It’s not time travel though, is it?”

“No,” she admitted, slowly, drawing the word out. “I think that that might’ve been easier on both of us.”

“Figures.” Danny sighed, shook his head, then stepped aside to let her in. “Sit down, this sounds like it’s gonna be a long story.”

“Probably.” She grimaced, but slipped past him. God, had he really been this small at that age? Surely not. Clearly Dani wasn’t him, so he should stop comparing the two of them.

Danny followed her into the living room, where she had claimed one of the comfortable chairs. He rolled his eyes but followed her example, sitting down in a different chair. He probably should’ve invited her up to his room, but something about that felt… weird. Not to mention that she was a stranger, no matter how much she reminded him of, well, himself.

Besides, his parents were down in the lab. They probably wouldn’t surface for hours, if not days.

“Okay, so…” Dani trailed off, then fell silent. Licked her lips. “Um. I’m not sure what to say. Or, uh, how to say it?”

He groaned. “Just. Anything. Who are you and why do you look like me?”

“Well, that’s easy,” she said optimistically. “That’s because I’m your clone!” She paused, before tacking on. “Supposed to be, anyway.”

“My—What?!” Danny’s eyes darted over her again, taking in every detail of her appearance. How, from the moment he saw her, his first thought had been himself. “Who would even—” He felt himself pause. “No, stupid question. Vlad, of course.”

She nodded, grimacing. “Yeah. He was going to age me up further, I think to your age, but.” She gestured at herself, then the room. “I kind of ran away before he could get around to that.”

“Why?” Danny rubbed a hand over his face. “Not that I blame you, because I’m sure I would’ve done the same, but…”

“I… Spur of the moment decision, kinda.” She shrugged, eyes darting away and back again. Posture hunched. “He was… I guess I was always a failure, but he pretended I wasn’t. And I… I believed him.”

He waited for a moment for her to continue, but she stayed silent. “Well, you didn’t know any better, did you?” He shrugged awkwardly. Encouraging people wasn’t exactly his thing. “I can’t blame you for that.”

Dani huffed, but shot him a wry smile. “Thanks. Um. Anyway. I overheard him talking, or, uh, muttering? I wasn’t going to stay, but then I heard my name, and, well.” She shrugged, that same wry smile on her face. “So I stuck around, listening in. And I… he…”

She sighed, deep and rattling, her shoulders dropping down. “He was talking about what a failure I was, how I hadn’t turned out right at all. What a shame it was that I was the best clone so far, when I was so far off of the mark.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” She snorted, shaking her head. “At least there wasn’t much space for self-delusion that he didn’t really mean it.”

Danny snorted as well. “At least it got you away from him, huh?” Away from Vlad, and right into Danny’s hands. Well, his house, at least. Shit. What was he supposed to do now? Gaslight his parents that he had always had a little sister? He couldn’t exactly let an eight-year old run loose, even ignoring the fact that she looked exactly like a younger him.

“Ghost powers definitely helped.” She winked, coyly, then froze suddenly. It took Danny a moment to realize what she had heard. The metal door of the lab. In the kitchen. Uh oh.

Before he could decide what to do—get Dani away and into his room, probably—his mom appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. The light glinted off of the red goggles on her forehead, drawing his eye right to her furrowed brows.

“Danny, sweetheart, who’s this?”

Danny opened his mouth, ready to deliver some sort of perfect excuse. “My clone, apparently,” came out instead. He grimaced, but didn’t refute it. Stupid mouth. One day he should learn how to think before speaking.

“Your… clone,” Maddie repeated, slowly, eyes moving between him and Dani. She moved further into the room, clearly taking in the same similarities that Danny had immediately—instinctively—noticed. Jack appeared behind her, looming in the doorway, but stayed silent as Maddie moved. “So this would be…”

“Danielle,” Dani supplied quietly, when Maddie trailed off, clearly waiting for an answer. “Um. Dani with an I.”

Maddie nodded, stopping next to the couch. Still facing the chairs in which Danny and Dani were sitting. “I see. And where did you come from, Dani?”

Dani shot him an uncertain look, but Danny honestly didn’t have any great excuses either. He shrugged back, but took the lead when she stayed quiet. “Vlad’s, apparently.”

“Vlad.” Maddie frowned again, eyes locked onto Dani. “Vlad Masters?”

“Who else,” Dani muttered, shoulders hunched up again. Danny wasn’t sure if it was nerves, defensiveness, or something else.

“Vladdie?” Jack echoed, finally coming into the room, and clearly startling Dani with his loud voice, based on the way she jerked in her chair. “The V-man cloned Danny?”

Now how was he supposed to explain this without revealing his secret in the process? Well, here goes nothing. “Uh, yeah,” he agreed, shrugging again. “He’s been super weird pretty much since we met him during that reunion. I didn’t think it was this bad, though.” He nodded towards Dani. “No offense to you, Dani.”

“None taken.” She offered him a shaky grin. “It is pretty weird to clone someone without their permission. Or knowledge.”

“Or consent,” Maddie chimed in, voice dark and expression darker. “Danny, why didn’t you say anything before?”

Because he couldn’t really say anything without revealing he was half-ghost, or that Vlad was half-ghost, or both. “Well, he never really did anything.” Bold lie. Speed past it fast, Fenton, before she catches on. “Besides, what was I supposed to say? ‘Vlad gives me the creeps’? Nothing would be done.”

He shrugged loosely, trying to stamp down the fluttering in his stomach—and his core. He didn’t like lying to his parents, but if he could just get through this conversation with his secret intact…

“There was nothing specific?” Maddie was still frowning, but at least she was moving to sit down on the couch now. Jack was still looming near the doorway, uncharacteristically quiet, but Danny would take what he could get and worry about the rest later. “Nothing he did or said?”

“No. Well, actually…” He grimaced. “He keeps calling me Daniel even if I ask him to call me Danny. But I think that that’s just a smug ‘I know better than you’ thing, not a transphobic thing.”

On the other chair, Dani was now also frowning at him. What? What did he do?

“That’s not even your name.” Maddie huffed, shaking her head, frown finally lightening. “Ugh, that man.”

“What do you mean,” Dani finally cut in, having apparently lost her patience with waiting. “With, um. The transphobia thing? What does that mean?”

Oh. No, of course, that made sense. Who would’ve taught an eight year old clone about that stuff? Certainly not stuffy old Vlad.

“Danny-boy wasn’t always Danny-boy!” Jack appeared out of nowhere, enthusiastically clapping a hand on Danny’s shoulder. He startled, just barely tamping down the instinct to phase away. He hadn’t even noticed his dad move further into the room, distracted by his thoughts. Sloppy. “He used to be a girl! Or at least, we thought he was, until he told us otherwise! Right, Danny-o?”

“Yeah,” he grunted, rolling his shoulder with a grimace. “I changed my name to Danny years ago, and most people don’t even remember my old one, but people acting weird about calling me Danny is still a bit of a red flag.”

“Oh.” Dani blinked, clearly processing. “I guess that that makes sense.”

In what way? Was Dani also trans? Did cloning copy transgender-ism? “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, expression clearing up. “Now I understand why I was the most stable clone. Vlad thought something went wrong with me because I turned out female, but clearly he was messing up the other clones by forcing them to be male from birth.”

“Other clones?” he repeated. Then processed the rest. “Wait. The most stable? What—”

“Uh, yeah.” She shrugged, face falling. “They. We… I guess cloning isn’t as easy as Vlad thought. So we’re all somewhere along the lines of ‘somewhat unstable’ to ‘very unstable’. And, um. We melt.”

“Melt.” He felt like a moron, just repeating her words. But. Well. What was he supposed to say?

Luckily his mom figured it out before him. “Danielle, sweetheart, what do you mean by melt?”

“We, so.” She frowned, clearly weighing her words. Shot him a quick glance, though he couldn’t figure out what the look in her eyes meant. “Vlad used ectoplasm in the cloning process. So, um. We—us clones—we’re all kind of… half-ghost? And if we use up too much energy, one way or another, we kind of… melt back into ectoplasm?”

Oh. So that is what that look meant.

Also, yikes.

“Well, that makes sense,” Maddie muttered, a thoughtful frown on her face. “Humans and ghosts are biologically entirely different. There is no overlap whatsoever. Or at least, that’s what we always assumed.”

“It must be more possible than we thought, though,” Jack pointed out, previous enthusiasm muted again. “Otherwise she couldn’t even exist, let alone be this stable.”

Maddie nodded, frown still in place. “Right. But how do we stabilize her further? We can’t exactly re-alive her, not if she has been part ghost since birth…”

Danny turned to shoot Dani a look, but she didn’t seem overly bothered by the conversation topic. On the other hand, if she was used to Vlad, he supposed that his parents weren’t that bad.

Wow, now that was a thought he hadn’t had before.

“Well, we can’t exactly make her less alive either, Jack.” Maddie’s dry voice cut through Danny’s thoughts, and he snapped back to the conversation. Right. The important conversation. About half-ghosts.

“Maybe there’s a perfect mid-point,” Jack suggested instead, while Danny tried to figure out where the conversation had gone while he wasn’t paying attention. “Where both ghost and human balance each other out?”

“But wouldn’t that still put too much strain on the body?” Maddie’s gaze had shifted to Dani, but it didn’t seem like she was really looking at her. “If her human and ghost halves are constantly battling for dominance, isn’t that why she’s unstable now? Unless balancing them somehow gets them to co-exist, which doesn’t make sense…”

Wait. Are they really… trying to help Dani? Not by making her ‘normal’, by making her fully human, but by finding some way she can exist as half-ghost?

Would that… also go for him? Or only for Dani because she was essentially born half-ghost?

Does it matter? He knows what a stable half-ghost looks like. If him staying quiet about his own secret makes it harder to help Dani… what kind of shitty brother would that make him?

“Actually,” he blurted out, interrupting his parents’ conversation and immediately drawing three pairs of eyes to him, “I’m also half-ghost?”

He licked his lips, stalling for a moment. “So. Um. That’s actually why Vlad is interested in me, and tried cloning me, I guess. Because I’ve been half-ghost since the accident with the Portal.” He paused, then hesitantly tacked on, “Sorry.”

“Oh, honey, no.” Maddie reached out a hand, then paused when he automatically shifted away. “We’re sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell us before.”

A massive hand landed on his head. This time, Danny couldn’t repress his automatic response, and he phased through the hand—and the chair—before he could stop himself.

Grimacing, he looked up from where he had landed on the floor, meeting Jack’s startled eyes. “Um. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, Danny-boy.” Jack held out a hand, and Danny cautiously took it. “My bad for startling you.”

Danny let himself be pulled to his feet, then suddenly found himself trapped in Jack’s arms. Oh. A hug. Right. It had been… a while.

He let himself sag against his dad, melting in the embrace. And then stiffened. Right. Melting. Dani. Focus, Danny. Priorities.

“Anyway, so.” He cleared his throat, and waited for his dad to release him again. “So, we can compare my stats to Dani’s and see why she’s unstable. Right?”

“Right,” his mom agreed. She was looking at him like he might flee any moment, but. But at least she wasn’t looking at him he was her dead son. Or a despicable ghost. This was just. Just normal emotions.

“So, um.” He gestured at the kitchen door, vaguely. “Let’s. Go do that?”

“Right, right, of course.” Maddie wiped a hand past her eyes, mostly inconspicuously, then got up from her chair. “Come on, kids. Let’s go figure this out.”

[tsukiyadori]

wow.

... Just wow.

I've written about Kemutai Hanashi before a bit in my Anime-Planet List: Queerplatonic Vibes

And something imo essentially queerplatonic (if you know that word) is the entire series' hook and tagline:

Different to lovers, friends or family. Still, by your side is the right place.

The whole title is already a glorious metaphor. And this theme has been in and out recurringly from the beginning of the series.

But up until chapter 11, it was just vague impressions, their thoughts, discomfort, feeling a gap that can't be filled by words.

And then comes chapter 12.

Takeda gets invited by Hinako for a chat, for a drink (and some ice cream) and they do exactly that: Have a conversation.

And it doesn't take long until the inevitable question arises, once the conversation mentions Arita, who was going to be mentioned given Takeda and him have moved in together and they are part of each other's lives:

Do you really live together?

Hm?

Arita-kun, I've met him the other day in the shop. He was keeping watch over Alice.

Aah, right, he mentioned something like that.

It's going great, is it?

Great? Rather than great or so... it's just normal. We're just doing normal.

... I was surprised, you know. When I first heard about your living together.

Were you?

Of course. Even if you are former classmates it's not like you were close.

Just what is truly behind that turn of events?

'What'... We're just enjoying ourselves. Thought it would be nice being alongside each other. That's all there is to it.

Haaaa (sigh)

Eh? Is that somehow not ok?

No. I already thought as much from Arita's account, but… So, there's really nothing else between you?

Else?

Basically, something like romance or so

Me and Arita?

… Right. I get it. That's enough. (holds hand on head)

You were one like that.

Eh…?

(some ice parfait getting served by the waitress momentarily stalls the conversation and Hinako gets busy taking pics with her phone until Takeda resumes the conversation.)

Is it that strange?

… no well, it's not like such a way of living is completely impossible, Just…

Just

Right

It's just hard to imagine that you would go as far when you aren't lovers, I think

(she looks him in the face)

… Say. I've just mentioned that Arita hasn't been at his parent's home. [It was previously about how it's far away]

Yes?

You know. Isn't that because it's difficult for him to return?

Eh?

This is just a guess, but… Don't you think there is a chance that he finds it difficult to talk about you and him?

Eh? No.

But he did tell them he's living with me.

I don't mean that.

I mean, what relationship he has with you.

Or so

something like that.

Wouldn't he be asked about it after all?

Things like that

For example, if I was his parent, if I heard that my son, who lives away alone, suddenly starts living with a man, I wouldn't exactly blame him, but I think I would genuinely want to ask questions. What happened, or what are your plans for the future, or so. What the other person is to you. For example.

Takeda, are you able to explain it, when people ask you?

Explain.

(he thinks back on a previous encounter he had in a supermarket.)

… you know. I thought this before, but is this something you need to explain to people? I don't particularly…

… For me, it's things being explained with words is comfortable… or more like, smooth, I think.

Just as an example

If one was to see you and me together eating desserts, probably a lot of people would think "Those two, they're a couple".

Huh?

As I said, you wouldn't know the truth if you were those people who don't know you well.

But, just like that with just looking a bit, they can match things to concepts they know and be with it, as long as it's nothing unnatural.

By doing so, they don't have to ask "why?"

With human relationships, as long as you are alive, I think it's more convenient to be able to explain something.

All the more, if it's a strange one.

People will want to investigate the things they don't understand.

Is it not ok… to not be able to explain? To just not understand?

Who knows… Maybe it's really fine with just that.

Just

There are people who are in distress when you come upon something they don't understand.

And opposite of them

there are people who feel pain when they aren't understood.

All the more, when it's someone you know well. For example, like family.

Things of unknown nature are scary.

Being thought of as something of unknown nature is scary.

More than anything

you yourself not knowing what you yourself are

is scary.

Are you like that as well, Hinako-san?

Something that's fine for you, Takeda,

doesn't have to be fine for anyone else.

(The phone rings)

[The conversation wraps up there, as Arita messaged Takeda asking him to run an errand. They walk away from the café together a bit and chit chat random small talk.]

Takeda

Hm?

I said all that, but you moved in together after thinking it though properly, did you.

Yeah

I see… then it's fine.

I'm sorry.

Even I think it's a bad habit of mine. Thinking about what I'd think myself and getting stuck on it.

I was being meddlesome.

No. I've always liked that bit about you since forever.

…

Ouch! Hey, you didn't have to hit me

Shut up! Go home already!

This series was already excellent with how it treads onto their relationship in delicate, subtle manners. But there was always something in there: It's not like they aren't thinking about it. But they are very much dodging it. Arita, of more introspective nature, is further down the lane with his admitting to himself that it's not that he isn't hiding it or ashamed of it or anything, but there's just this gap in words that he doesn't know how to fill, because he is well aware that what he and Takeda hold is different from what people usually think about "friends". (Chapter 3)

Takeda meanwhile feels discomfort, but can't exactly put a finger on it. And he does not actually want to label it. And as he repeatedly asks. Is that not okay? Basically: Is that wrong? Is that not allowed?

This conversation is absolutely excellent. Because Hinako does not answer this question in a simple yes/no way. At first, it may seem dodgy, but she eventually does add her actual own conclusion to it, that it's completely fine if they had thought things through and came to the decision. But the focus for the conversation prior is more at pointing things out to Takeda - almost warning him - as she knows since childhood, and to her he is a bit of a simpleton who doesn't think too complicated about these matters (to the point she almost gets headaches). And it's just such a beautifully concise way of outlining why words - labels - are useful, and moreover how the lack of it may be dangerous.

So, first thing I thought about this chapter:

Wow. Just wow.

Second thing: Damn, I needed this a few years earlier. It would have saved me some 2-3 weeks of brooding over the subject. (Which probably is still relatively little time wasted comparatively) I was right there asking those same questions Takeda is asking here. After years long of not wanting - or not knowing the words - to label anything and being fine with that myself with not explaining things or explaining things in my own words that didn't match common understanding of the words (much like Takeda again) it gradually ceased working. Because, no. You actually are not allowed to not explain yourself before the vast majority of people, if you actually want to interact with them. I was (am) also right there being angry about not understanding and getting explanations for things 'normal', especially as I am always pressed to explain myself.

Also look at those visuals, so simple, but powerfully subtle with all the facial expressions, sentences chopped up with little pauses displayed by the bubbles where Hinako is trying to find the tactful words and especially those pointed uses of black there: Hinako's drink. That panel with the smoke and her talking about "scary". (One meaning of kemutai from the title is smokey.) That lingering discomfort to fear that is oozing over to Takeda. That smartphone that displays his connection with Arita is black right after for a moment. The entire sky in that last page. Takeda's having his back to it, but now he's walking right into it. This conversation with Hinako may as well be the starting line for him and by extention Arita that they realize, they can't run from talking about it forever.

It's a bit funny to read this now, because I happened over that word, queerplatonic, which is looking pretty much like that word they are struggling to find, and it makes me feel like wanting to just throw over so they have something. But I also only know about this word for 2 years at best as of now, which is not long at all. And it's fuzzy and vague as hell (which is kinda its point I guess) and it took me a good while to get my head around it, even just a bit. On top of it it's anything but spread, so its usefulness is very limited, so much that I haven't even once used it in the flesh and blood IRL, where I'm not able to immediately throw google results over so that the links do the explaining for me.

The quintessential theme of this series hits home a lot, but also, just like The Case Files of Jeweler Richard which comes along and has the protagonist say that even after years and learning multiple languages he is unable to encapsulate what he's feeling in any words - their gaze is moving a bit backwards, retrospective. They have already met, they have something (even if it's maybe still developing) and then struggle to put it into words.

And that makes it all an explanation, as this chapter calls it. But more than anything, I think, it's actually a justification.

And while it's utterly precious that there are works now talking about this in such a beautiful and concise way, capturing all the confusion about being lost, I just find myself like.

I have come to see the need of ways to talk about this. I'm there to collect words and examples as much as I can find. But somehow I don't really want to justify myself. Or explain myself after the fact. But talk about it before it. (I do get it easier to spin a narrative over something that actually is and can be actively show than it is to make a plot out of the difficultiy of searching something you can't properly grasp in the first place. And even the former is already such a tall task that it has very very little amounts of attempts at undertaking.)

And this quote:

More than anything you yourself not knowing what you yourself are is scary.

... is thankfully, something I was spared of more than not, quite similar to Takeda. But just as Hinako points out, because I was fine with that it means naught for anyone else. And if you want a connections and relationships out of all things, it goes beyond just yourself. If someone like me, in all the idiosyncratic ways that be, wants to connect to people, I think understanding and acceptance is paramount. Like how I'm also aroace, among other things, but I'm not actually against having a relationship - it will however have to look very different from the common idea of one. If I ever wanted to begin something, I think I'd need to be able to explain myself and my expectations before it happens.

Not as a justification, but only an explanation, a feeble chance for getting to the starting line.

I think Hinako did that wonderfully. Without even having to outright answer Takeda's question of "Are you like that as well?"

Note: The series has no official nor fantranslation in English. It did get nominated for the Tsugi ni Kuru Manga Award 2022's web category and freshly licensed in France.

[animegoil-vnc]

Yingdu Episode 1 Reactions

Ah the animation is so beautiful already. While I am not looking forward to another S2 action-oriented season, it's true they really upped their action animation and it's crazy seeing it applied to a basketball scene like in S1.

Lol at LG's face when he's shooting the ball.

Omg I can't believe Vein appears already in the first minute. What a flashy old-fashioned gun, feels like a Western type thing.

LOL he has to whip off his cape, truly a diva, c'mon XD

Oh bb girl what did you think a chair was going to do in the face of a gun. Still, I commend your courage, more than I'd do in that situation.

NOT TIME TO GET SENTIMENTAL AT THE PHOTO LG

OMG NO NO NO SO CXS *DID* SaVE LG "like you once did for me" NOOOO

Omg we've really got the death scene already

WAIT IS THAT CXS WITH GOLD EYES? Is he coming from the future already? fuck, yes he is, so he chose to die *again* for LG (or... or wait if he's alive in the future, it must mean he failed to save LG the first time and came back to make sure he could - so he DID go back to save LG once!!!)

OMG THE POWER TRASNFER, shown visually by the ball metaphor NOOOOO T_______T

Oh shit I didn't realize LG got shot too.

Have we not seen that image before? Of the birds in the sunset?

Oh damn, so the shakespeare sonnet book that LX has been holding this whole time is *Lu Guang's*???

and he stored that photo in there? Hmmm guess we'll find out if that's in preparation (aka this isn't the first round) or it was just a sentimental thing.

Wow LG realized very quickly that he now has CXS's power.

OMG HAHAHAHHAAHHAA GOT HIT IN THE FACE Sorry that shouldn't have been so funny, great way to change the mood quickly

YES TOUCH HANDS ALREADY MEANINGFULLY LIKE YOU'RE IN A FIC T_T

Huh, I thought they met in high school??? They're in Uni here already? Is this a translation error or school system difference? Their ages and school levels have never lined up :/

Omg so cute - CXS smiling at LG's text (even though it was just a freaking OK emoji smh) as a cute song plays.

Hmmm LG's eyes aren't gold anymore, is that just because it'd be annoying to show them as gold then entire time and it'd interfere with future time travel indicators?

Coser presumably is cosplayer? Crunchyroll fix your subtitles

CXS's teasing voice towards Lu Guang is THE BEST <3 <3 <3

UM WHAT

LU GUANG IS THE COSPLAYER????

LU GUANG LIKES ANIME???

CXS SAID LG IS A BEAUTIFUL BOY??

DID LG GET INTO THE CLUB FOR PLOT PURPOSES? omg he so did

Aaaaw so the guanguang nickname didn't come from CXS :(

Lu Guang in the outfit <3 <3 <3 <3

Qiao Ling also looks so cute in her outfit and trying to beat CXS

DEFENDER OF JUSTICE QL!!!

Lol at how freaked out she looks about the mixup

Am I the only one who thinks the "heroine" looks like WWX from MDZS?

Seriously LG, you're like "this time travel series is something I could related to" ? Little loose lipped there, hm?

Aw, CXS saying silly stuff but thinking about his parents in his mind :(

LG you're too foreshadowy already

Huh...? Divination? Hmmmm.........

YES, TOUCH HIS MOUTH lololol

Feels hard to switch gears and focus on someone else when the tension is so high of what's going on with our boys, but it's nice to see the tone changing a bit more to what we liked of S1.

Q-QL... did you really just... throw that book?

Oh wow, so that's how they started the idea of "looking for lost things as a side gig" and the "ritual"/magic that QL thought they did for it? Though if she was present the first time LG did divination, I'm surprised she didn't ask to be involved later.

I really love how off-hands CXS has always been with LG. For someone who can be so good at pestering, he really lets LG have his space and doesn't push with personal things.

Surprised LG admitted he'd made that up? He's acting super suspicious in some ways.

Mmm yes, CXS, definitely can't leave him alone <3

Ah this is so fun to see how LG coming into the studio and becoming partners happened and the side gig <3

First Bridon mention!

Ah this sounds super sus.

Lol QL thought so too.

omg this is the funniest way for LG's powers to be coming up

So guess you can have multiple powers at once if he can be traveling back in time and using his photo-reading

Lol at CXS vibrating with impatience

I literally yelled "CAN YOU LOOK AT THE--" and then they crashed

OH NO CXS, this is the start of your sentimentalism and fake acting??

LG I can't believe you would keep doing this business with CXS after he's already defied your rules and acted impulsively from the beginning and then KEPT going?

Oh noooo this keeps getting sus, CXS where the heck are you going? And has she not noticed the earbud he has?

Damn we're already in a hostage situation.

Man, they're already playing Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi's relationship and CXS already freaked out at them threatening LG <3

Welp, first episode, first female side character death

Huh, LG is really honest with CXS, and without much prompting. Is this his natural state of being, or is this selective honesty for the sake of his plan?

HMMM?? CXS said LG's eyes reminded him of his parents? ELABORATE

OMG LU GUANG OFFERED TO STAY - HE OFFERED!!!!

Apologies? Oh no... LG totally knows what CXS is referring to with this parents... that's the apology isn't it?

HAND CLAP ABOUT TO HAPPEN??

Lol partners for life, wow CXS your mind went straight to marriage? Lol at LG correcting that immediately

AAAW CXS LOOK SO HAPPY TO HAVE A PARTNER <3 <3 <3 <3

Well that was a lot of fun! Good balance of sentimental and action and foreshadowing - some things didn't quite make sense yet but I'm sure they will, and the pacing is a lot better than S2 so far - let's hope it stays that way!