#wow I need to get it together I think
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I listened to music instead of sleeping, read a radioapple fanfiction, and then ate so much spaghetti I'm in physical pain
Alright time for bed
#wow I need to get it together I think#Italian food in the morning just hits different#idk why#my sleep schedule is in shambles#it's never going to be fixed either#i've given up#okay I'll probably keep listening to music and just hope I fall asleep I guess#gonna read the newest chapter of osas when I wake up#it's like 10 am
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another drawover because they help my brain not be evil
#this reference picture is absurdly cute#also so them. because javier literally will curl around anything in the vicinity so when he's big spoon he will latch onto kieran like he's#going to float away LOL#kieran loves being the little spoon because the full pressure of javier nearly crushing him is very comforting. but only when it's javi. wh#en it's other things he feels trapped and starts tweaking. hostage trauma and whatnot.#they absolutely love sleeping together. modern javieran (or my original kieran lives timeskip au even) take naps together almost every day#when they can.#wow i need to name all my au's. they're getting a little jumbled now LOL cat sanctuary au is THE OG even tho i never write it anymore. then#just my general kieran lives au. then blackwater!kieran (which is what i'm calling it for now and it'll prob stay that way too actually).#then ANOTHER modern au in my drafts im thinking through where they're long distance ... i'm trying to let myself have the freedom to just#make stuff up as i want and not psyche myself out about how bad i am as a writer right now because of my memory loss </3#anyways that was a tangent. i love them :] drawovers are so freeing#me when i don't have to think to draw because i am literally just tracing an image for my own entertainment and we should all just live#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#image#art#hero draws sometimes#hero's kieran#hero's javier#hero's javieran
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OlderDad!Bakugou who gets a haircut and his baby doesn't recognize him and he doesn't want his dad to pick him up 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Bakugou has a cry in the bathroom and you have to spend the rest of the night consoling him.
Also Hiiiiiii, miss u, hope youre gooooood
head in my hands bc of this, just thought abt bakugo growing out his hair a little bit right after baby's birth...takes him months to go and get a real haircut cuz he doesn't wanna burden you more than he already has and by the time he's okay with the thought (but only for "AN HOUR MAX," is what he says), he has a mullet thing going on and all this scruff on his chin🥺🥺🥺
so he gets home with his regular ol' haircut, maybe a little shorter just to account for ... not wanting to go again so soon, and baby's HOLLERING bloody murder as soon as they see him and refusing to be taken out of your arms, doing that thing where they're flipping their face back and forth to dodge a kiss...
it's so tragic bc not even a little cheek nuzzling helps to calm them bc bakugo's CLEAN SHAVEN and smells like aftershave instead of like dad when he tries!!!!!!
and after, you watch him kinda sulk into the bathroom, thinking like aw yeah thats a bummer but also pretty funny, too (esp bc the haircut does look good🫣🤓), AND HE DOESN'T COME OUT FOR LIKE an hour???
....until you finally have to ask him if he's okay in there and you're opening the door to him sitting on the toilet seat, arms crossed and red cheeks a little streaky with tears...
LJFKASDJFADSJK it's the cutest, most sad sight you ever did see!! ofc Bakugo tries to deny it, but the way he tears up again (after you're done assuring him he did nothing wrong) when his baby finally realizes it's him and smiles (and then how he refuses to give them up again until bedtime) has his ass. EXPOSED.
(i love and miss u more than air, earth, water, dirt + HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO BESTIE ILY)
#bakugo#HI PYGMY THIS WAS INSANE OF U TO SAY THANK U PYGMY MY BFFL#but sorry u said this and i had to rip the idea right out of your hands and put it straight into my mouth#i feel like i'm high on a drug i really do#bakugo doing that thing where he he refuses to leave baby or u for long periods and fights being told to go do something nice for himself#he's showing up to his first guys night in like 6 months and doesn't know what do with himself#needs a baby picture once and hour#and he gets home to baby asleep in the crib and YES he's upset he missed bedtime but also like. wow. alone time with y/n.#and he just wants to hold u🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and watch a movie and be together#and he;s finally at a point in his life when he's able to admit vulnerability and talks abt feeling like an inadequate dad.#and finally u just have to shut him up by fuc-[redacted for profanity]#oh my god gonna think abt this all night#ALL NIGHT I LOVE U PYGMY#caitie things#kids tw#gen#pygmy lurks
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Something something about the Third Doctor and the fate of Tantalus. You're trapped in one place. Everything you want, that you once took for granted is right there in front of you, you can see it you can reach for it but you can never have it. You will never attain it on your own. Your fate is dependent on the mercy or cruelty of others and you hate it and you rage against it but you can’t do anything, your defiance is treated like nothing but a childish tantrum but you refuse to beg, you won’t get that desperate no matter how long you’re trapped here, no matter how low you’re brought down. You stand among humans and you look human but you’re not, you’re an animal in a cage with them and you’re the only one who can see the bars. Gnawing and hacking at them to no avail. And yet all you can do is wait and hope and try and fail in an endless loop until an outside force interferes to free you from your prison. The carrot and the stick. How does it feel to be on the receiving end?
#even when his exile is lifted and he gets his tardis back he still can’t get jamie and zoe back#he’ll never be able to#the doctor’s always lost companions but until that point they’d always chosen to leave#this was the first instance where he lost them#no not lost they were TAKEN from him#the doctor was ripped apart mentally and physically and emotionally#and he has to live with that#knowing that they’re living their lives without him as if nothing happened#(and even in jamie’s case he’s not sure considering Jamie was basically dropped into the middle of a battlefield)#only that he can never see them again#bc they won’t know him they won’t remember any of the adventures the fun the quiet moments spent together#he’s the only one who knows who remembers#and what he can’t bear more than anything is having them look at him with no recognition in their eyes#having them ask him who he is and not reacting in any way when he says “i’m the doctor”#not to mention how easily he was exiled and punished#he triumphed over daleks and cybermen and so many other creatures#but in the face of the time lords he was rendered helpless so easily#they trapped him took his tardis and his connection and his knowledge and his companions away and forced him to regenerate just like that#and now the time lords are aware of his existence and probably keeping an eye on him#in case they need him for anything (aka jobs to do for them)#reduced to a boy put in time out and then an errand boy#doctor who#classic who#third doctor#3rd doctor#my thoughts#wow that’s a lot of tags i’m sorry#i got carried away#i just can’t stop thinking about the tragedy of it all#in two’s ending and three’s beginning and their companions
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i finished yokai gakuen
#jinpei jiba#yokai gakuen#yokai watch jam#y gakuen#DO I THINK JINPEI IS GENUINELY QUEER-CODED?#NO.#AM I CONVINCED HE IS THOUGH?#YES#can't believe i went 'jinpei's thing with older ladies is because he has mommy issues. he's actually gay'#AND THEN THE#THE HEALING THING WITH LANA HAPPENED...#then there's the third opening it's. so funny#it's talking about mysteries UNTIL jinpei and raimu are together#then it switches to romance#then it switches to mysteries again#AND THEN ROMANCE WHEN JINPEI AND RAIMU ARE TOGETHER AGAIN#OH ALSO THE THIRD OP IS NAMED ANCIENT ROMANTIC. LANA SAYS SHE'S AN ANCIENT. THEREFORE RAIMU IS TOO. HOW IS THAT NOT ON PURPOSE#also i'm very sure he has a crush on matarou too like come on#which is really sad because raimu left and then matarou left. the poor guy gjrhbgrg#anyways my review is that wow that was a mess. i mess i'm attached to sadly#also i need to edit the post on haus-mom where i got some things wrong#the way of the alma is that i get into a popular-ish franchise and instead of staying on my lane#i get into the weird spin off nobody has ever heard off. why does it keep happening#it's really funny because i kept calling jinpei my cat son (my stupid cat son to be more specific)#and there are two (2) characters i currently call my children (i do not call myself hau's mom even though it's still my url fjebhgher)#and those are jinpei and yuuichi mizuoka. which is really funny. because yuuichi would kill him on sight i'm sure. or they'd be besties#no inbetween#hold on... isn't that the true spirit of brother-ness?#anyways i will maybe post my liveblogging to my liveblogging blog it has been. a trip jebgher
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Pathologic 2 + text posts, part 5 [part 1/part 2/part 3/part 4/part 6]
Patho Classic ver. [part 1/part 2/part 3/part 4/part 5]
Bonus stupid idiot Daniil (affectionate):
#мор. утопия#pathologic#text post meme#daniil dankovsky#eva yan#clara the changeling#maria kaina#rat prophet#katerina saburova#pathologic murky#pathologic grace#stakh rubin#i refuse to call him stanislav it sounds wrong that's my buddy my pal my rotten soldier my good time boy etc#aglaya lilich#yulia lyuricheva#aspity#alexander saburov#даниил данковский#ева ян#клара сабурова#мария каина#катерина сабурова#александр сабуров#стах рубин#аглая лилич#юлия люричева#i regret to inform you that i cannot and will not be stopped#bitches will think “wow i should really get my shit together” and then digitally stick images together#like a kindergartener making a glitter glue collage#i am often seized by the fatal american need to have a pretty good time
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I still find it funny how a pr*shipper called me an anti as if it was a negative thing to dislike ships that are problematic, y'all know the "pro" in "proship" stands for problematic, right? <-(probably a false statement but that's how I've heard it)
I'm not usually a hater but like, they came to my post (one where I said "I take shipping rise April with the turtles as inc*st since she's depicted as their sister and is even referred to as family by Karai") and told me that I'm crazy for saying that shipping people who call each other family makes me sick???
My brother in Christ, it wasn't a debate, it was a boundary, and you're added to my blocklist
#they also didn't even follow me so I was just confused#they just walked into my house without buzzing in and spat on my rug#just to say “wow this anti is crazy for saying it's weird to ship ppl that say 'you're like family to me'”#like dude I think if someone says you're like family they don't want to get together#I get when people make content based on their own awful experiences with this kind of content but it's not glorifying#it's expressing pain or trying to cope#it's so much different when it's being portrayed as an awful thing because when it happens it is#I'm not at all saying you can't make this content to help get over trauma#what I don't like is when people make it for their own enjoyment and make it seem like it's a good thing#age stuff r*pe and inc*st can be done if it's done in a way that shows it is bad and devastating to someone#I do not like this content if it is made for someone's enjoyment#it needs to have warnings beforehand and proper tags#some media can be made for grief and coping#this is where I stand#also not a fan of tmnt mpreg
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I've been having crazy physical anxiety these past few days over getting into my masters like. I rlly thought it would make things easier
#i think i convinced myself i wouldnt get in and that i was gonna have to apply to a different school and i was so prepped for that and now#wow so the thing i actually wanted and currently want and have is freaking me out this is such a stupid problem i need my brain and body to#GET IT TOGETHER and be HAPPY
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i was clearing out my notes app (because finally getting a new phone yay!) and this entry from 2022 is so heartbreaking

#2 years and 1 even worse situationship later im still too much i still want too much need too much have there are claw marks#jn everything that ive been forced to let go of lol#saving this for later so hopefully idk 2 more years later someday ill be just enough for somebody#there's a whole list of reasons titled ' why we shouldn't get back together' my heart breaks for younger me#i mean i know i was still quite old at 19 but it was first ever heartbreak for me and i was so dilgent in getting over it#i kinda think that was the healthiest grieving ive done for a person not like perfect because i still fuckef up#and failed my exams and fell 6 months behind but still i let myself FEEL#all these recent ones are just one layered on top of another i see something that reminds me of someone and i break down lol#i begged and begged for a new phone but wow this phone has soo many memories it's been with me#from july 2020. lmao lasted longer than pretty much all my relationships#baby me made such a compelling argument logical fact based about why we shouldn't get back together#i used to be so earnest and obsessed with making myself better maybe it was self centered but it was better than#the self loathing dirtbag ive become. what happened to u girl#save
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y’all i watched the greatest rivalries dvd and BEST $10 ever spent. seriously. i want to sum up my thoughts and observations but honestly i need to watch it again to remember what i found particularly interesting and bits of information that helped clarify the unmaking of their relationship as well. it was a great interview and im so glad they were able to sit down TOGETHER and TALK. if i don’t procrastinate this, ill probably make a post about it this week if anyone’s interested.
#bret’s hair looked great during the interview too if that’s important#and they are such thotty old men like bret’s shirt being open enough to where you can see his chest#shawn’s shirt also being unbuttoned a bit and zero sleeves 😭#also i got the sense that bret makes shawn nervous#maybe its the fact that bret rarely gives a full on smile or laugh#or his presence (its a bit intense even through the tv)#or maybe bc he’s like wrestling royalty bc his dad is stu hart#idk! but shawn seemed nervous in this interview and whether i see them together i get that feeling#maybe in this interview bc shawn feels like shit for the way things went down which is completely understandable#but also shawn said he just wanted bret to like him and bret’s demeanor gives ‘i hate everybody’ so fair#this reminds me of bret’s book where he described shawn as neurotic and insecure#but i mean everybody except the kliq hated shawn and he didn’t seem to give much of a fuck at the time (from what ik so far)#so why was it so important and hard for him to accept that bret didn’t like him anymore?#ik they used to be friends but im pretty he was friends with plenty of the other ppl in the locker room so..?#i need bret to write a second book ASAP he said he was thinking abt it#i wanna know what else is tea since this 11 year old interview (WOW)#hartbreak#jan chats
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getting another woman on the ropes this too is yuri
#we were practicing for being on the ropes both as defensive and offensive#she got up on the bag like “wow I've seen this in my mind's eye many times” and I had no idea she was talking about#until she hit me with the hey what's up wall lean on the bag#anyway we had a farewell gauntlet and he had a 2-on-1 round followed by a round that ended with him K.O.'d with a liver kick#and I was like three rounds later and felt too bad to actually go for it. I need to just jump back into sparring but three hours...#anyway the coaches that don't usually see me sparring were shocked I was getting rushed so much#and I'm like bro all this guy does is rush me because I'm tall but not a wall and I'm not sweaty by the end#I think I will decline a farewell gauntlet but maybe if I get my shit together. my lease ends three months from today.#kb
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Prompt: Fictober Day 1: "That was good work."
Fandom: Lumine
Summary: Camille and Kody have a brief conversation.
Content Warnings: N/A
Words: 1,249
Camille watched a series of bottles shift between Kody’s hands; once the green liquid from one vial had been drained into another, thicker, clear substance, Kody would reach for another, his expression not changing past the subtle twice of his nose as the scents mingled. The green itself spread and fell slowly, as if he had just dropped liquid food dye into watery corn syrup.
“Don’t hesitate,” Camille reminded him, her palm pressed to her cheek. “If you do, it’s going to end up tasting acidic.”
Kody huffed in response, his hands lingering over another tube held in a small wooden rack. “Don’t distract me.”
“You’re stalling.”
“Because you’re distracting me.”
A quiet hum of acknowledgment mingled with amusement caught behind Camille’s now-closed lips as she watched him continue, now more focused than before as he slowly poured half of the liquid in with the mixture.
“What, you’re not gonna get onto me for using too much or too little?” As he spoke, Kody’s bitter gaze flickered up long enough to glance at the other. He slowly reached out for the stirring stick, eyes stuck on Camille as he pulled it closer. “Or you’re not gonna tell me to be careful about how I stir it?”
“Nope, not yet. I’m just waiting and watching now.” Camille smiled a bit, watching as he stirred slowly, almost meticulously. His focus had seemed to double after he grew quiet. “What happened to me not distracting you?”
“If I’m just complaining about you, then I’m not getting distracted. But if you’re interrupting me, then I’m gonna lose focus. How long does this even need to be stirred?”
“Didn’t you read the note I left you?”
“I can’t read Terranian yet, and you left it in Terranian.”
Camille could feel her smile break as he reminded her—though, the only actual change on her expression was a subtle twitch of her lips. Her brain went blank, the only word crossing her mind for a moment being ‘shit’ as she stared at the boy now working silently across from her.
That’s right, you and Sera couldn’t talk at all when you first met her.
“How did you follow the instructions up until now?”
“Eyeballed it. I made something similar before, so, it’s not like it’s a big deal. Plus, it’s not like I even asked you to actually write instructions down for me—I just asked if you had the ingredients.”
“Given how Lumine has talked about how you make your potions… That’s not really reassuring.”
“I knew what I was doing then, too.”
“Did you?”
Kody grew quiet, pulling the stick out as he transferred the syrup-consistency potion into another glass bottle and seal it.
“I didn’t know how it was actually going to react with him, but I knew it wouldn’t kill him. I knew what I put in it, and that nothing in it would mix badly together to be that bad.”
“M-hm. At least there’s that, I guess.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
Feels like there should be a ‘usually’ there, Camille said silently, watching Kody put the vial aside and seal the remaining ingredients. You’ve got a long way to go, but. That doesn’t mean you haven’t studied hard already.
“I’ll clean everything up, too. So. Don’t worry about me making things more of a mess than they already are.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get it before I go out today.” Camille waved her hand, watching as Kody pushed himself up. He gathered the emptied and now-dirtied dishes and tools and took them towards the small kitchen. “If you’re going to try and clean up anyway, just drop them off in the sink that’s not by the fridge. It’s the one that’s for anything that isn’t a fruit or vegetable. Potions, meat, whatever.”
“Alright.” Kody did as she instructed, now without any complaint or push-back, and then sat back down across from her. He picked the potion’s bottle back up and held it up to the light, his eyes flickering back and forth through the liquid that almost matched his eye color as he inspected it. “Is it really safe to wash potion bottles next to where you prep meat, though?”
“I mean, nothing I work with in here is toxic. And if it is, then the bottle just gets disposed of.” Camille shrugged, watching him closely. He seemed, at the very least, pleased with the mixture’s consistency and color. “So, what made you want to make something for pain? Everything okay?”
“You’ve been complaining about headaches a lot lately, and clearly, you’re not going to do anything about it yourself.”
Camille felt her smile shatter once again, her lips now fully turning into a frown. “You really noticed that, huh?”
“Lumine did, too. He actually overheard you mention it first.”
“Sera?”
“You actually don’t say anything about it around her, I don’t know if you’re just like. Worried about worrying her or something, but. You don’t even really say it to us, you just kind of say it to yourself and keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.”
Camille dragged her hand down her face as she leaned harder into the back of her chair. “Aghhh. I didn’t even notice.”
“Yeah, well. It’s getting on my nerves, so try this. It’s cool enough now.” He held the bottle out to her, their green eyes meeting as her attention redirected back towards him.
Getting on your nerves? Is that just your way of saying you worry, in this case? Camille hid her smile, eyes meeting his for a brief moment.
She took the bottle from his hands, much smaller than her own, the glass still subtly warm—partially from the mixture, partially from his own hands. “So, you actually sat down and made this for me?”
“Hopefully it’s not too acidic from you distracting me.”
Judging by his half-smirk, it was less of a concern, and more of a facetious comment. Something to poke and prod at her.
She couldn’t help but smile a bit more, seeing how confident he was. How sure he was that, even though she distracted him so much by talking to him, it would still be alright. Even if he silently struggled with it on most days, she always tried to take the moments that he was so sure of himself in good spirits.
“Ha. Even if it was, I’ve definitely had worse than something that’s a little bit acidic. I’ve probably had coffee worse than it, honestly.” She opened it, sniffed, and hen downed it as quickly as possible. If it was actually acidic, she would—hopefully—not even notice. If anything, it would likely feel no worse than mild heartburn—and at worse, severe heartburn.
“Well, was it?”
She waited for a moment, expecting an aftertaste of… Something. Bitterness. Something akin to bile. An incorrect texture from overmixing, adding one ingredient too soon, overheating it, letting it get too cool during the cooking process rather than letting it cool after, something.
But it was no different from what she would have made herself for a patient. Slightly sweet, a bit sticky—it would definitely feel better if she had chased it down with warm water or something else. But it was, actually, up to her standards.
“Not at all, actually.” She said, twisting the neck of the bottle in her fingers. “That was good work, Kody.”
“Yeah? Told you I knew what I was doing. Hope it helps, it’ll probably take a little bit, but.”
#fictober24#Lumine#Lumine webcomic#Lumine webtoon#Lumine (webcomic)#Lumine (webtoon)#my fanfics#not on ao3#Last year tumblr kept like. Rearranging my paragraphs. If it did it this time I'll just start biting I think?#Well. Not even just last year. Every time past then.#Anyways hiii happy fictober my favorite writing event is back <3#Wow I think tumblr actually kept my formatting. My italics are still here. That's a surprise.#In the past it Never kept my italics.#I don't think that Kody would want to like... Actually go into potion making in the end past learning to make a few things#I think he really would want to like. Go for a bakery or patisserie. You know?#I think he would learn how to make a few things--injuries pain convenience (Kody please don't make a five hour energy potion...)#I do think that Camille would help him learn how to make these things though. And then ''...... So why do you want a five hour energy.''#And he would just shrug ''Long night baking?''#And she would just frown. So hard. And then teach him anyway and tell him not to overdo it/use it often.#I like the idea of Camille and Sera being like. Good 'mom'' figures for him? Or at the least Camille being a good mentor figure for him.#He needs a few Not Fucking Awful adult women in his life after the way his mother treated him. Good grief.#Also I do headcanon Camille and Sera as like. Exes. They're just ex-girlfriends getting back together to me. Probably marriage eventually.#Also I have specific headcanons about Camille and Sera that I'm gonna start nudging into fanfics in small tiny ways.#If you can pinpoint those things. Good job. I'm delighted.#Anyways I'm gonna stop rambling about where I think Kody would end up in like. Ten years.#Idk why I rambled so much in the tags today good grief. I'm just a little chatty.
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violently possessed by the writing spirit. 30 pages of nonsense, 12 words, most of them me shouting notes at myself in the margins, and a literal

11 hours later I'm only stopping because my hand is so swollen that I can't see my knuckles. I only have like. 5 random slivers from 5 random chapters so far? anf I NEED TO KEEP GOING but my hand is going to melt. I will fix and edit it to coherence later. right now I know how these random sequences in the story are going to go exactly and I need to get them down before they're gone forever. also I'm sure they'll connect at some point I'm sure theres some actual plot here I'm just fumbling through the rough blocky shapes of the base coat of paint here
#several wikipedia tab rabbit holes and psychedelic experimental albums / classic 70s folk / rock / sockhop / doowop later and i think#it turns out i might just be insane. HELLO THEN I SUPPOSE. at least im fucking doing something#i swear ill make a lil ice coffey drink in a bit and clean up while thinking of how to thread this story together#but i think i need a nap nc i have not slept. im not manic btw mania doesn't look like this it looks like other stuff that is not this.#thats certified by my mom btw. 👍 um. like i will take it over what i feel has been years of gnawing numbness. id sit here for 70 hours#straight writing if my body wasn't in the way. im gonna write the worst bullshit anyones ever done and im writing it just for me.#GROSS! LOVE IT! waiter make them freaky and weeeeeird and flawed and complicated. also can i get a side of ocd with this. thanks#*writes characters falling in love and having enthusiastic sex* chat am i... perverse? wow... im going to gehenna my soul isn't salvageable#will they have wifi in hell bc i will b workin on this for a while. i can tell this is a Full Series 12 parts 40 chapters each kinda deal#bye world. two weird faggot dogs need me to make them fall in love and chase each other around and chew on furniture#Chew on Furniture unironic title. we've also got Toxic Streets and How To Breathe Them and#Your Phone. or rather. Your Ugly Beating Heart and Troubled Bridge#Quiet Waters. i think im so emo with it. im so grateful for it i am so sorry to babble incoherently in a mentally ill way but thank god#bc i was anout to start screaming. no. i will write weird gay shit where looks linger and then so do touches until they kissy... hehe.. whew
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But what about... The OC......
#wow i have a ramble tag now#rotating amaris as usual. don't mind me i'm normal about my made up guy#came to the wonderful (?) realization he's never really had to manage money. he knows what money is and he's handled money before#but he has never done accounts or whatever. his clan has an accountant whose job that is#treasurer of the clan lmao#and the inquisition obviously has people for that too#maker willing when he & dorian get to have an domestic (-ish) time together after everything#dorian is going to realize his partner has never done his own accounts#i mean. has dorian?? are they both looking at their money like 'okay how does this work?'#or more realistically. 'this can't be that hard. i know how money works!' <- amaris says that and he does not. not really :')#other things about him: if he's upset and trying to work through things he wants company#but it's either just chilling with one person quietly. or chilling while other people are there to provide background noise#the issue is he needs to determine which one it is#because if he needs quiet one-on-one having a group of people not including him in a discussion#is going to feel like he's not a person and he doesn't have friends. which is bad#but if he needs [asmr tavern ambiance 3h - special with your loved one's voices]#then quiet one-on-one is too focused on him and scrutinizing and pressuring. not good for working through difficult feelings either#what is rarely going to work is being alone in his room. but he still does it lol#also. i hope inquisition makes you choose between duty and loved ones and then it twists the knife about your choice no matter what#amaris is going to pick duty if it comes to that. and he's going to feel like shit about it#and some of his loved ones (cough. dorian) are also not going to love it. i need it to happen#but for now he's burning the candle at both ends to avoid having to pick :) surely that'll end well too#also home is his clan except not 100% (and even then they've settled in wycome so. not the same if he goes back)#but it's not skyhold either. kind of but not really#kind of sad but i think the closest he has to home right now is going on missions#the tents and his companions and nature around and concrete tasks#that's when he's barefoot most. that's the comfort sign. quiet and barefoot. that's at home comfy amaris#he's not running around skyhold barefoot. how unbefitting of the inquisitor!#but somewhere in the emerald graves with just friends around? in the evening after a long day?#he's listening to the companions chatter and he's barefoot and he's outside. and he falls asleep easily after
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i asked about kugutsu ashura & showed him the lyrics and he started reading them in chinese & i was like. oh no its a japanese song & hes like WHAT. & read it again & went "im sorry these words like this dont make any sense to me. i think this person is just playing with words to make a cool... like a rap or something" so i mentioned its a series about the world ending & hes like "no it really just seems like playing with sounds"
#in conclusion if i can manage to understand AND translate this song im the smartest person ever#me for 4 years: idk i dont think i need to explain what aru sekai series songs mean isnt that straightforward#native speakers whos job it is to teach japanese: i think half of these words mean something if i think really hard. maybe#literally 'i know what these words mean but not together like that'#im like wow okay so im not stupid magu's wording is really Just Like That#its not JUST sounds btw im well aware of that#a large part of it IS playing with sounds but as a series song unfortunately those sounds have meanings & implications#AND ILL FIGURE IT OUT TOO but god do i have to think about it so hard#so like i said last night that eng cover is amazingly impressive#i have one other teacher i havent asked about series things yet but shes helping me do paperwork#so its not a good time to be like hey ur smart do these lyrics mean anything to u#shes really direct too so itd be so funny if she also didnt get them#do u know how good it feels when u dont understand paperwork & show it to someone & they go. out loud.#'は?どう言う意味?複雑すぎて親切じゃないよ'#like oh okay im not stupid this is actually just awful for everyone#uh but i do feel really smart about deciphering aru sekai series now.#remains to be seen how correct i am theres a lot of story left to cover & things could change or be revealed#but this is apparently not an easy thing to understand. who would have known.#<- person who got a headache from the very first song & is STILL finding new things FIVE YEARS LATER
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finally finished orv after two years . . . what do i do with my life now
#started in junior year hs dropped it for a while then started reading again at the start of this semester and now im finally done !#dont know whether to cheer or just crumple up and start crying bc wow that was a ride#i thought the ending was tragic but then i moved on to the epilogue and oh my godd#the way kdj was crying and miserable bc he missed his companions and he wanted to be with them so Badly#but when kimcom finally Finally chase him down and come back to him theyre too late and hes already disspitated into other world lines#and after that like. whenever kdj pulls some shit and dies the next chapter always starts with an ‘i’#and hes back and alive and kicking and Thinking but after that epilogue chapter there isnt a chapter in his pov theres no more ‘i’s and.#it just made me incredibly sad bc we dont get to see his pov ever again bc hes truly gone unless we as a reader can imagine him alive again#anyways sad things aside it is Incredibly funny that lee hyunsung just became a wanted man in the 1865th round lmaoo#+ uriel sun wukong and black flame dragon forming a band together ??? truly the most randomest thing in the epilogue#++ yoohankim need to stop beating the shit out of e/o and learn to talk their feelings out Please#+++ sooyoung’s love for dokja has me miserable o-|-< she would wait for him an eternity write for him an eternity im so sad#three times she endlessly wrote a novel for him to read three times she waited to see him for so long <//3#you bet im imagining the happiest conclusion i can for them#they WILL live happily ever after in that big house together as long as i have something to say about it!#orv
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