#woundedchilded

[breakingbutch]

preface / a key for this concept map 

hi im thalia, curator of this collection, theres a lot of shit in here i’ve learned over the yeaars trying to be kind to myself as best i can and enjoy life and be nice to other people and shit. this is what helps me do that i think. i have memory issues and this is all stuff thats been said before but i’m gonna put it in front of u in some somewhat neat somewhat messy piles. some of it probably has ssome academic backing or smth but i could never honestly tell you which parts i’m stealing and which parts im making up. try to read with an open mind lmao. that way i can really get my worms in u. i'm also typing this howeveer idrc my keyboard is weird sometimes n i jus let it do that if it wants. could also be my shaky hands. whaatever, call it a unique narrative voice

its gonna draw a lot on concepts i talked about with my class n they all probably have notes somewhere and they might notice similarities between this n like death of ivan ilyich, wit, trans a memoir, safe, the elephant man, stuff like 

disability (for me its h-eds, go google it, but like essentially its the youre in a doubtable amount of agony always disease its so fun)

transness

autism

ocd

cptsd

multiplicity

schizophrenia

depression / mania

borderline personality disorder

immune system / stress disorders

"hypochondria" (BULLSHIT concept)

mortality (confronting and embracing and resisting and whatever)

#thefreakshow (reassurance for able bodied folks that they are normal and not so unfortunate, a place for freaks to see themselves empowered through freedom from shame and monetary gain, an instance where someone is deemed abberant and laughed at, and all the cruelty that implies)

#caregiving the dynamic between a sick person (hi thats me) and their caretakers and people around them and doctors and such

#medicaldrive trying to become “healthy” in whatever that means

being #monstrous, inhuman, needing to be changed or fixed to be acceptable for society, having caretaking needs beyond what others are capable of, acting in strange or harmful ways, being visually unacceptable (elephant man)

#unseendescent living in a body you know to be certainly doomed while others insist on the lie of hope, refusing to mourn you with you before you leave (death of Ivan ilyich, butterfly and diving bell to an extent)

#butterfly having a vast internal life you have no way of externalizing, thru paralyzation of the body socially or physically (the diving bell and the butterfly, trans memior)

#intrainterpersonalvoid the great distances that can exist between a self, the surface of the self, and others (elephant man, the diving bell and the butterfly)

#selftorture finding joy in a monotonous or painful or humiliating or degrading or otherwise negative state of being (the diving bell and the butterfly)

self sacrifice for society, #martyrdom for academia and medicine and other institutions, the beauty of it when it is chosen and the horror when you are selected arbitrarily or otherwise for sainthood (wit, the silt verses)

#lonelyartiste dedication to a craft as isolative

#happyhermit isolative existences as bearable and free of judgement, but also as lonely and maddening

#amisafe drives for saftey, for hiding and running away from pain and fear and negativity and how that doesn't guarantee a better life, how it can easily lead to a more isolated life (safe)

#woundedchild disability feminizing all forms, how it makes one appear less strong or capable or trustworthy or autonomous, needing a caretaker (safe)

#woundeddog disability masculinizing all forms, driving us to seek strength and autonomy over others, to impose pain on them (death of Ivan ilyich)

#whereisme questions of where identity is stored in the body, whether it is the brain and the memories or the body and it's reactions

#dataerror dementia / alzhiemers, memory loss and the fear and distress it can cause the self and others

#erraticity parkinsons, mania, loss of control of the self and the body and the fear and distress it can cause the self and others

loving the body as an animal that once had a self attached to it, as a monument and memory of that self (a splinter of a dad is better than no dad at all from the diving bell and the butterfly

#interpersonaldependence, living in symbiosis / parasitism with those around us, communication and trust without judgement surrounding needs

#narrativizingillness telling stories, simplified or romanticised or wwhatever versions of the past, about ourselves to better understand how to move forward, relying on others to read that story and give us kind and helpful advice, sometimes by telling their own story

here's the playlist of songs that will eventually be featured on this blog for lyrical analyzation

questions of this text

which philosophical approaches help me to be kindest to myself?

which attitudes towards death and suffering free me most from fear and discomfort?

how can I inscribe my identity upon my body in a way that protects me from those that wish me harm and endear me to those who wish me well?

to what extent can my strategic mental frameworks ease and reinterpret my pain?

how do we find ourselves? through others? through experimentation? through reactive aversion?

how can we love those with monstrous qualities?

symbols to look for

things

houses - personification of the house, a body that is written upon and lived in, haunted by ghosts of all who have lived there, theres a great jacob geller video on this, bees are inseparable from beehives

technology - humans are inseparable from our technology, so it is part of our organism, the material world pushed through the filter of our consciousness, the computer as a part of the brain, a different storage location, medical advancements as facets of human existence without judgment, eg treatments and the states they leave us in eg prosthetics, plastic / top / bottom surgery, drugs like chemo, hrt, even medically unconventional drugs like alcohol and weed and such

burning / fire - self destruction / aggression, the stage before rebirth, the phoenix alight

life from death - flowers on graves, the stage after rebirth, the egg in the ashes, a new self from the old

eyes - perception and interpretation, scopophobia and agoraphobia as well as narcissism, desperation for it / repulsion from it

masks - the curated self as a performance for others, customer service voice, code switching, autism, the ability to be someone else with great effort

places

the void - you aren’t supposed to be here, biologically, socially, mentally, it is unsafe, if you're here you’re dead or dying, the further in you drift the farther you get from humanity at large, but we long for it nonetheless, the sea, substances, bliss, nirvana, euphoria from unorthodox sources, wonderful location for self destruction

the city - human community manifest, a place designed and intended for you, healing doctors and nourishing restaurants, togetherness, the further in you go the harder it is to get away from others, from perception, from judgement and laws

people

the internal family dynamics - seeing oneself as being made of the people who have been in your life, perspectives you have experienced the impact of, each can become overactive within the self, and overlap with the other in weight of presence at any given moment

inner caretaker - managing your self as one would a child, soothingly, that eases pain effortfully, operator the coping skills we have learned from others

inner child - the strong averse reaction to stimuli, the desire for petty comforts that must be indulged in from time to time, feels the things we need to cope with

inner aggressor - the averse reaction to self or others, Adrienne’s “dog” who tears at her sweater, the destructive responses to stimuli we have learned from others, death drive

inner protector

inner lover - the attractive reaction to self, others, or stimuli, the ability to appreciate and be drawn to, the positive, creative response to stimuli we have learned from others, life drive

inner animal - the unthinking, bodily response, the knee jerk, the growl of a stomach, the fur on your legs, the baseline default continuance, body without consciousness

feared self - the version of yourself avoided being, the most rejected version of the self, the negative aspects you think may be part of you, that you see in others and are repulsed by

desired self - the version of yourself striven to be, the positive aspects you don’t believe you have, that you see in others and desire them for

the monstrous - ways in which we are demonized and made to seem inherently cruel or evil, archetypes we are pushed into when we unsettle or harm others

werewolves - one who is inseparable from their feared self, inner animal, then inner aggressor, due to cultural pressures of perception and the confined space of the roles it is allowed in (dog or man), feral dominant dissociation during sex

dolls - one who is inseparable from their desired self, idealized moldable femininity, innocence and youth, due to cultural pressures of perception and the confined space of the roles it is allowed in (infant or maid) fragility passive submissive dissociation during sex

vampires - one who is inseparable from their feared self and desired self, inner caretaker, then inner lover, then inner aggressor, trust turned sour, an unbelievably talented and powerful and influential figure, plotter, schemer, keeper of eldritch knowledge that grants control of others, active dominant vocal intelectual presence during sex

sirens - one who is inseparable from their feared and desired self, inner child, then inner lover, then inner aggressor, alluringly talented in irresistible ways, love as illusion for predation, form that grants control over others, active submissive vocal intelectual presence during sex

parasite - any piece of the family dynamic can take this role and each do so in their own unique way, one who's interpersonal dependancy is greater than their capacity to contribute positively to those dynamics

host - this role is filled by those older or more keenly aware of the surroundings, who serve as guides and protectors, who the outside information is filtered through, has a unique capacity for inducing fear once soured, think the betrayal of a house you trusted turning out to be haunted, realizing you are a drone of a cruel machine

[littlebent-notbroken]

I truly wish there were a magic phrase that would get abusers to stop abusing. Originally, I wanted to do a “script” or sorts—what to say back when someone says… The tricky part about confronting someone who’s gaslighting is that they’ll dig their heels in deeper, claim that’s not what’s happening, and turn it around on you. But don’t lose hope. In my experience, one of the most successful ways to deal with an emotional abuser isn’t to convince them you’re right or even to convince them of what they’re doing—but to learn to trust my gut and my memories. Once I learned to stand firm in my truth, in what I knew to be true, I wouldn’t allow myself to be pushed around anymore. Please, dear reader, I implore you to take all that energy you’re using to convince someone that x, y, or z happened to you…and channel it into compassionately standing in what you already know to be true, without the need for their validation. They will not give it to you if it means they “lose.” As the saying goes: you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Bye Felicia! #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingisabuse #gaslighter #toxicparents #motherwound #reparenting #memory #mentalabuse #abuse #innerchild #consciousparenting #woundedchild #selfhealing #selflove #selfcompassion #childhoodemotionalneglect #adultchildrenofnarcissists #abusiveparents #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #gaslightingtips #selflove #selfcompassion https://www.instagram.com/p/CHgeffDjZD0/?igshid=1hpgsfr6eee4d

[overcomeandgrow]

They say when you know better you do better. This statement is not necessarily true. You can know not to allow your inner child to come out when it is triggered, but if that trigger is not healed what you know goes out the window. One like to imply that because you are an adult you should know how to tame child like emotions. The truth of the matter is childhood is set to introduce you to adulthood. If your childhood was a fog of pain you know nothing in adulthood but that you now have the freedom to do what you want. What I am saying is be gentle when telling an wounded unstable child in an adult body to lock the inner child away and be grown. That only furthers the pain and the inner child will only destroy the adult, trying to get free. #woundedchild #overcomeandgrow #childlike #emotions #nurture #freedom #chains #breakfree #silenced #cryforhelp #awareness #empathy #message #begentle #scars #wounds #heart #selfcare #selflove #tuesday #abandonmentissues #human #traumaticbond #cleansing #purging #relief https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu8AlconFkR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p179d6ltbhxt

[wyldwon]

WHY MEN OVER DOMINATE

A boy (man) without a father (mentor) is like a Warrior without a king.

He has no direction he has no purpose he has no guidance. He becomes lost, wondering, searching, looking for something to give his energy to.

Masculines energy is here to serve, it is the purpose of the divine masculine, and when there is no purpose, when there is no faith, and there is nothing to fight for.... the masculine DIES.... 💀

He loses his fire🔥, he loses his passion❤, he loses the very reason for his existence. He becomes an empty shell 🐚of what he was and from this place he is no good to anyone not even himself.

If the masculines energy is here to serve and he is not feeling like his energy is of value then what will he do with himself and how will he act in the world?

He walks around trying to prove himself 💪in every moment because he does not feel seen, he does not feel heard and he does not feel important. He over does it in ask his actions, in all his words, in all his energy hoping someone will see him, value him, actually hear him. He's looking for validation, he's looking for respect, he's looking for BROTHERHOOD. 👥

He's looking for LOVE...... ❤

It's not easy to love a man while he's in this place, while his sword is out in every moment, looking for an opportunity to prove himself. Dealing with the inner workings of a hurt child that just wants to be loved but doesn't know how to ask for it, doesn't know how to speak his needs, doesn't even know how to love himself.

This is the world that so many men live in. And this is why we have many immature warriors running around with their swords out.

I was one......

Still am on many levels......

But I'm just looking for love, just like the rest.

#love #lovealwayswins #libertion #freedom #life #masculine #masculinity #divinemasculine #awakenedmasculine #masculinerising #warrior #lovewarrior #woundedchild #mentorship #king #immatureman #man #men #lookingforlove #relationships #selflove #sword #truth #thehairyhealer #surrender

2 workshops coming up in Adelaide,

Conscious Relating YogaCycle Sunday July 7th. 5 spots left.

https://www.facebook.com/events/864177827262078/

Masculinity UN-Locked (men only) @theyogacentre Sunday July 14th with Greg Barwick

https://www.facebook.com/events/837970946561557/

Only 4 spots left for my Shameless Sex God (men's) program starting July 22nd.

What Shameless Sex God creates within the 10 weeks:

🔸 Redefining what it means to be a man.

🔸 Create a safe container for full expression.

🔸 Uncovers the collective projection from society of what it means to be a man

🔸 Empowerment of the feminine on the earth and in male bodies

🔸 The evolution of masculinity how it has changed and where it's going.

🔸 Re-establishment of power

🔸 Souls in male bodies.

🔸 How we've responded to the development of the change in the feminine from an Amazonian warrior to a young voluptuous woman to a thin athletic figure, as a man in society.

🔸 Shamelessness is the key to opening up authentic expression in men. A true sovereign man holds the presence needed for the feminine wisdom and power to truly impact the world.

🔸 Present consciousness witnessing someone's shame is all it takes to remove it.

🔸 How to hold loving reflection in the face of projection.

🔸 Reclaiming the innocence of masculinity and the power that true masculinity holds

🔸 The humility and ownership of past transgressions opens the space for the capacity of a greater evolution within the masculine principle for beings in male bodies.

If any of this is something that resonates, then set up a call with me and let's unite brothers.

https://calendly.com/the-hairy-healer/30min

[victoriaviveskhuong]

BOOK DAY 65: People who have suffered trauma and abuse, regardless of the severity, will often respond in one of three ways: . 1) Continue the cycle by inflicting the same abuse on others. . 2) Enabling the cycle by doing nothing or embodying the "victim" mentality. . 3) Ending the cycle through conscious awareness and saying "NO MORE" thus, doing anything possible so that nobody have to go through the same again, including oneself. . Most of the traumas that we experience are inflicted on us by our fellow human beings who are unconscious of how deeply interconnected we are and that their actions affect themselves, others, and future generations. . I believe anyone can harness the courage to achieve healing through self-discovery and understanding oneself. I believe that you deserve all the happiness you can fathom. I believe that, together, we can make this happen. . I talk more about healing traumas, deepening conscious awareness and becoming a positive force for those around you, in my upcoming book, "In a Matter of Seconds". This book is my own next step in my personal journey of self healing and truly owning my responsibility to help others and make a positive impact on the world. . To your Healing. To your Happiness! . Victoria . #victoriaviveskhuong #victoriavives #traumarecovery #selfdiscovery #inamatterofseconds #inamatterofsecondsbook #abetterworld #beautifulhumankind #anythingpossible #selfawareness #posttraumatic #traumamanagement #traumahealing #childabuse #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabuseawareness #healingpath #thewoundedhealer #thehealingpath #woundedhealer #woundedhealers #woundedchild #woundedwarriors #transformation #couragetochange #100responsible #transcending #transcendingtrauma #woundedinnerchild (at Los Angeles County, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzqUGj1Aj31/?igshid=8vxeghg3jshg

[littlebent-notbroken]

This post was inspired by the question “what is considered the ‘first step’ on a reparenting journey?” (See my lengthy response in my story!) And that was a VERY GOOD and VERY HARD question to answer. It really depends on the person because everyone has such unique wounds and everyone has a different catalyst for healing. Where I started could be similar and completely different from someone else’s beginning. But with any healing journey, I think the “first step” is taking an objective, non-judgemental look at ourselves and acknowledging and becoming aware and conscious of harmful thoughts, reactions, or triggers. And reparenting comes in by seeing how those thoughts, reactions, and triggers stem from a need not met in childhood. So if the wound is hyper-independence, maybe in childhood your caregivers were unable to provide basic needs and you had learn how to take care at yourself younger than you should have (make yourself breakfast, lunch for school, dinner after school, taking public transit to get to and from places, etc). And this can show up in adulthood as not relinquishing any control, no one can be trusted to take care of things because they’ll just let you down... And reparenting could look like the wise inner adult saying, “doing everything yourself is causing burnout and unnecessary stress. see who can support you and where else you can be supported.” (Or something) Anyway “step one”: become aware and conscious of wounds. . . . #reparenting #healing #healingjourney #healingstory #innerchildwork #innerchild #woundedinnerchild #childhood #childhoodtrauma #traumarecovery #consciousparenting #woundedchild #selfhealing #selflove #selfcompassion #childhoodemotionalneglect #adultchildrenofnarcissists #abusiveparents #themotherwound #motherwound #emotionalabusesurvivor https://www.instagram.com/p/CF5okMBjXW-/?igshid=prrgssjbu7dg

[littlebent-notbroken]

Credit to original author. Handwriting by me 🙃 . “Darling, This healing comes in waves. On some days you will drown, and on others you will float. On some days you will feel broken, and on other days you will feel renewed. Be patient with yourself.” (I don’t remember where I saw this but I had written it in my journal forever ago and I love this reminder!!!). . Healing is not linear. It’s not formulaic — “if I do A, B, and C, then I’ll be cured!” . Inner work is going to take time. You have to strip yourself down to your truest self, a self that’s buried under years of conditioning and defense mechanisms. It’s also your most vulnerable self. Practice self compassion. You don’t ask a person with a broken leg to run even with a cast. (Weird analogy I know but you get the gist.) . . . . . #healing #healingprocess #healingjourney #itcomesandgoesinwaves #mindbody #subconcious #selfcompassion #encouragement #reminder #selfgrowth #selflove #selfhealers #selfhealing #selfhealer #patience #holisticpsychology #motherwound #depression #mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyrelief #traumarecovery #traumahealing #woundedchilded #reparenting #innerchild #innerwork https://www.instagram.com/p/CEHgs6pD4sx/?igshid=kzudmnvwjmfr