#would you mind if i dmed you if i need help with anything?

[inklessletter]

No, but hear me out; Steve is genuinely good with kids and toddlers. Like, absurdly good. He engages with them because he finds them not only adorable, but really fun to be around. Steve kind of gets how they think, loves to play with them, their funny logic, how seriously they take what’s happening in their busy little minds. He finds them fascinating, and they often surprise him in the best ways. Steve respects them, and kids perceive that and love and respect him back. Also, to Steve, spending time with kids is socially freeing. When he’s around kids he’s not worrying about social cues, or saying something wrong, or can stop paying attention to his manners or his looks.

Steve loves kids, and kids love him back. 

And Holly Wheeler is the living proof of that.

Read it on Ao3

There is a bonus scene of this, just saying

—

You drew stars (around my scars)

Mike was the only one in the family who actively resisted to like Steve. Since he set foot in the Wheelers household, everyone in the family seemed to be head over heels for him. He had heard his father admitting more than once that Steve was a fine good young man; his mom was delighted with him since the very first dinner because he helped with the cleaning up after every time (he even brought flowers every now and then, ugh); and of course, he had to endure Nancy’s annoying pining and giggling for months. Then they started dating and he was at home almost every day and it was insufferable having him around every goddamn day. 

But the worst one was Holly.

Before Steve, Holly used to chase Mike around, wanting to be with him all the time. Of course, Mike shoved her out almost every time, especially when his friends were over. Lucas understood him; he knew what having an annoying little sister was like. Sometimes she was around, when they were drawing their D&D characters, Will would save a seat for her and let her borrow his big box of colors, or Dustin gave her treats under the table.

Mike Wheeler didn’t want to deal with Holly after him all the time, but when Steve showed up, Holly got totally smitten with him. He wouldn’t pressure her to give him a kiss, but instead, he high fived her. Steve called Holly “Super Star”.

“Hey, what’s up, Super Star? How was school today? Did Timmy borrow your doll? Again?”

“Hey Super Star, wanna sit next to me for dinner? I bet I can beat you, I’ll eat my baby carrots faster than you!”

“I heard Super Star was feeling funny in the tummy today. Are you okay? Will you feel better if we make a tea party with your stuffed buddies? Yeah?”

Then, suddenly Super Star didn’t want to do anything with Mike anymore. Now it was all Steve. 

(Sure, Mike didn’t like having her around, but he didn’t want Steve to steal her from him either. That’s two out of two, not that long ago, Nancy actually DMed campaigns for him and his friends, and then she decided she liked him and now it was suddenly a dumb game.)

When Nancy dumped his stupid ass in November of 1985 Mike almost made a happy dance. The nightmare was over.

But the fucker appeared at the door the day before Christmas with a gift for Holly. He didn’t stay for dinner, but he handed it to Karen. 

It was a stupid light board.

Dustin was suddenly attached to him now. Now they were friends. Lucas was also fond of him. Steve was cool now for his friends too, apparently. And don’t get him wrong, what he did to defend them was amazing. He hated to admit that it was a little bit cool (but Steve’s panicked face when he woke up in the back of Billy’s car driven by Max was awesome). 

Yeah, after all that shit they talked a little bit. Mike made himself crystal clear that he still didn’t like him, and Steve just sighed and told him that he knew. Mike was about to go victorious after that, but Stupid Steve had to add “anyhow, if you need anything, you can always reach me.”

He still kept showing up for Holly’s birthdays. He still brought her Christmas presents secretly. Mike knew that Steve showed up considerably early when he was going to pick him up and his friends to give them a ride to the arcade, or to the mall, or wherever just to spend half an hour playing with Holly. 

Holly laughed the loudest whenever they were playing in the living room together. And it’s not that Mike wasn’t glad that his sister was happy, it was just— He couldn’t be so flawless. Nancy called him bullshit, she must have seen something in him. No one was that perfect.

He was still around for the upcoming apocalypses. He was starting to make peace with the fact that Steve wasn’t going anywhere, when he stole yet another friend from Mike.

Now he and Eddie had bonded. 

They were often together and that riled Mike up like no other. Hawkins was full of people, did Steve have to put a goddamn spell on anyone around him?

Even when Mike hosted in his basement the Hellfire campaigns after Eddie graduated, Eddie showed up at his front door with Steve.

“You are not a Hellfire member, Steve,” Mike deadpanned.

As an answer, Steve lifted a box. A brand new toy doctor kit. He smiled.

“I didn’t come to see you anyway. Isn’t Holly’s birthday this weekend? I have an early gift for her.”

“You’re so lame.”

“Get new material, Wheeler,” Steve rolled his eyes.

Eddie observed the interaction, both of them coming in. Mike closed the door.

“Well, I mean, I’m not surprised you want to spend so much time with Holly, I guess you need someone of your intellect so you can stop feeling stupid all the time around adults.”

Steve stopped for a second. He looked at him as if he wanted to actually reply. He let out a sigh, and went upstairs. God, Mike resisted the urge to fully smile. He glanced at Eddie, who was giving him a dead serious, borderline angry look.

Mike rolled his eyes.

“Wheeler, while I do appreciate that you’re hosting the new campaign, I’m gonna say something, and I’m gonna say this just once, so listen carefully. Treat him like this once more, and you’re out of Hellfire.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s bullshit!” 

“No, you being an asshole with him is. I already lectured Dustin for this, and now I’m lecturing you. I will not tolerate any Hellfire member to behave like this towards friends. That, that is bullshit.”

“He’s not my friend.”

“Like hell he’s not. He cares for you, he does shit for you and you not only do not thank him, you pay him by treating him like shit. He’s saved your ass several times. He pays your fucking late dues, man. Like, shit, give back the tapes on time, Christ.”

Mike was fully uncomfortable now. He crossed his arms and bit his tongue to not snap at Eddie any more.

“Look,” Eddie said, calming his tone. “I don’t know if anything happened between you two, and I don’t want to know, but he’s going through a lot lately. A lot, Mike. You don’t—Shit, you don’t have to like him. Just—just don’t treat him like this, okay? I’m serious about cutting you off Hellfire if you keep this shit.”

Eddie headed down the basement, and Mike was left uneasy.

That afternoon was by far his worst performance in D&D. He had been replaying the conversation with Eddie in his head on and off all the time, but Eddie didn’t give him shit for it, because he knew.

Eddie, an understanding DM as he was, called on a break, and Mike bolted upstairs.

He headed to Holly’s bedroom, the door wasn’t closed all the way. He stopped before coming in to put his thoughts in order and apologize properly. He heard the voices behind the door.

“Doctor Super Star, there are no more patients for you to save! You did great! You cured them all!” Steve said in a funny voice.

“But your tummy hurts!”

“My tummy hurts? Oh, no, ugh! It hurts so bad!”

Mike peeped, still hidden, observing the scene. He saw Steve doing a pretty poor performance of a faint, and he fell, belly up over the rug, amongst the plush toys scattered around. Holly, dressed as a doctor, rounded him and kneeled at his side. 

“I’m going to give you an injection to save you!”

“Oh, please, Doctor Super Star, please, it hurts so bad! N-no, Holly, holly don’t lift my—”

Holly did, and Mike froze. 

Both Wheelers looked at the sudden exposed skin of Steve, all covered in nasty, pink scars. Eddie’s words resonated in the back of his mind loud and clear, and he suddenly understood what Steve was going through lately. Those scars were—God, they were gruesome. That must have hurt like shit. He heard what happened, but now he was seeing it.

That could have been his sister.

Or Robin.

That could have been anyone there, but it was Steve.

Mike gulped, feeling a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach. 

“It’s okay, Holly,” Steve spoke softly, but Mike could feel the nervous, vulnerable tone after his words.

Holly passed a finger ever so slightly, over one of the scars. She looked both curious and serious. Steve’s abdomen flinched a bit.

“Does it hurt?” Holly asked, softly.

Steve closed his eyes and put on a flaky smile, facing the ceiling.

“Yeah,” Steve whispered. “Yeah they—they hurt sometimes.”

Steve let her wander her small hand, examining his torso. 

“They’re pretty.”

A silence. A broken voice. “They’re not.”

“Yes, they are. They look like stars.”

Then, Holly, slowly, put against his stomach a bright pink toy syringe and faked an injection.

“Now you’re cured. Now it doesn’t hurt.”

Mike couldn’t see Steve’s whole face, but he saw enough before he turned away from Holly to see. His expression crumpled, and he saw Steve’s bob apple up and down a couple times. If he wasn’t crying, he was about to.

“You cured me, Doctor Super Star. Good job!”

“Wait! I’m not finished!”

Holly jolted to his drawer, where he kept all her drawing stuff. She came back with a few colored sharpies, and got back to the same position she was before. Steve observed her. 

Then Holly put the sharpie nib softly against Steve’s belly, and he observed.

She drew stars over Steve’s scars.

“See? They are pretty. They’re stars.”

Steve smiled at her. She beamed.

“They are stars. They are pretty.”

After a few seconds, Steve cleared his throat and suggested Holly tidy up all around and draw for a little bit in the living room. Only then Mike reacted, and left the hallway, going back down to the basement.

By the look he gave Mike when he came back, Eddie must have noticed something weird in Mike, but didn’t say anything.

When it was time for all of them to leave (seriously, Mike had been a total disaster), Eddie hushed them all to the van. Steve was saying his goodbyes, and then Mike spoke before he left.

“Hey, Steve.”

He turned around. “Yeah?”

There was a silence, in which Mike tried to find the words. Steve waited.

“I never—I will give the tapes back on time from now on. I’m sorry for that.”

Steve was puzzled. 

“Okay?”

Mike was shit apologizing. Mike was shit communicating, at best. He was shit at being vulnerable. Mike was shit at feelings.

“Yeah, and—thank you for—you know. The, um—yeah.”

Mike pursed his lips, crossed his arms. He pinned his eyes to the floor. He could feel his ears and his cheeks grow hotter and pinker.

“Yeah. No problem.”

He could feel Steve’s soft smile in his voice.

“You can go now.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye, Mike,” he said. “Good night Doctor Super Star!” 

Holly waved him from Karen’s arms. She even threw him a kiss. He captured it in the air and put it in his pocket.

Mike rolled his eyes.

Ugh.

[pancakeke]

ok person I blocked whose url I can't find now since I blocked you, just in case you snoop my blog now:

I just want to be clear that I have no idea who you are. the only time we have ever interacted was the one time you DMed me accusing me of bullying you. I asked for you to clarify what you meant but you would not tell me. I had no idea what was going on because we are essentially strangers.

I sent screenshots of the DMs to a few friends asking if they knew you or knew what you were talking about but none of them did.

none of the posts I have ever made or reblogged have ever been directed toward you. until this moment, I have never posted or reblogged anything with you in mind. I have never tried to bully you. I do not know you, and I don't know anything about you.

I blocked you not to "bully" you, but because I am uncomfortable with how you perceive my activity on this blog. also your comments and replies are always very angry and negative, and I don't need someone putting that sort of responsibility for their emotions on me.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but this is not something I can help with and I don't want you to interact with me anymore.

[oboetemasuka]

Hi pal! I DMed a passage from A More Restricted Existence for director's commentary if you want 👀

Hi! Sorry for the delay. Motivation can be finicky.

You might know from the previews that the original passage was a lot shorter. That was because I really wanted to send out the preview before I went to sleep.

"W-why did you…” Amane wasn’t sure what she was trying to ask Mahiru, but it wasn’t the question so much as the sentiment that needed to get across. Mahiru extended a hand to help Amane sit up. “Look, I get that I can be… overbearing at times… all of us, really. But I really can’t bear to see you so distant. So afraid. So hurt. If you could just let us in, wouldn’t it help us all?” Amane nodded quietly. Why was she the one relying on others now?

You might remember me asking for tips on the ending. I felt that it didn't have enough time to sink in.

So when I went around to revise it, I broke it into parts and fleshed each part out.

Here's what it looked like on paper.

Now sit back and enjoy the commentary!

Amane tried to breathe slowly, making up for lost air without agitating her injuries. Mahiru waited for her to speak.

Poor girl is trying to calm down, but it hurts. Good thing Mahiru is patient with her. (I'm trying to remember if Mahiru is this patient in canon.)

"W-why did you…" Amane had no real question in mind, just a sentiment.

I, uh… I didn't have a solid question in mind either. Something along the lines of "Why did you come find me?" perhaps, but it didn't feel right. On the one hand, it would have been a rhetorical question. Why? Because the restraints have reset (Yuno probably spent a moment helping Mahiru first) and Amane isn't around and she's terribly injured and who knows where she is and if she's trapped and if she's in danger and how much pain she is in-

Their fears are not unfounded.

Mahiru extended a hand to help Amane sit up. "Look, I get that I can be… overbearing at times… all of us, really. But I really can't bear to see you so distant.”

Amane-chan, stop running away. We're only trying to help :(((

The way Amane averted her eye only proved Mahiru’s point.

Y'know, every time I write OoA, I worry that I'll accidentally mention her "eyes". (The only post-attack exception is the voice drama, when she took off her eyepatch.)

“So afraid.” 

The light from the door shone on Amane’s face. She hated that it let Mahiru see her expression.

I wanted to say something about Mahiru being backlit. So Mahiru can see Amane's face but not the other way around. Ah well. Can't put everything in writing.

“So hurt.” 

Amane moved her hand to cover her right eye, but Mahiru gently pushed it away and clasped it in both of her hands. Despite Mahiru’s calm demeanor, Amane could feel her hands trembling.

This is meant to mirror your first drabble.

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”  With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.  “I can’t let you do that.” Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.” 

But this time, Amane doesn't resist.

“If you could just let us in, wouldn't it help us all?"

As you can see from the original passage, I drew out this part of the dialogue. I wanted it to sink in more.

Amane didn’t respond for several minutes. She thought she would break if she said anything. She just let Mahiru hold her hand in silence.

Is it a common feeling to be too choked up to speak? To not want to talk when you're about to cry, or else you will cry? 

Until.

She leaned forward and rested her head on Mahiru’s shoulder, gripping the sleeve with her free hand. If anyone asked, she was not crying. Not even a little. Mahiru softly patted her on the back.

You know you want the comfort… you know you do. Oh, the reluctance to admit weakness. When I sketched out this scene, though, I kept her right eye away from Mahiru's shoulder, so she was holding the sleeve with her right hand.

 Amane used to be the one who went around offering help. Why was she the one relying on others now?

Something about Amane being an emotional core even in canon Milgram. She wants to help the other prisoners. (Even if the audience is wary of her, I maintain that she's only trying to help in the way she knows how.)

Take this lyric from "Magic":

Dear wise one,  Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

I imagine the answer she knows is "no".

Supplementary reading material! This ask from the rp blog, regarding Eyepatch Amane's feelings on "Positive Parade.

[furvillaconfessions]

Hi! This is the real Jayce, aka Pastel aka Bestest_Fox (attached proof of log-ins)

ID Verification: imgur.com/a/htd3n6b

First off, Yoshi, I HAVE to ask that the post about Lance and I gets deleted as soon as possible, this is EXTREMELY horrible to have on here about someone. Tagging it with "no definitive proof" is just a clear sign that you should NOT have posted this. The amount of shit lance has gotten from this blog is insane to me.

May I add from your own rules Yoshi:

 "4. Egregious claims must come with proof

the burden is on you— screencaps, archives, etc., whatever you have— so make it count. Otherwise, it’s deleted and that’ll be that."

Secondly, I have not been groomed. I do not shy away from talking about this, I would've preferred that OP just DMed me personally or something so I could explain and not have this public... This is something I've dealt ever since becoming friends with him. Lance is a very close friend of mine that has looked out for me for years now at this point. I don't owe the whole internet my entire life story, this is all very traumatic for me as is just because it brings back a lot of trauma from around a year ago when I tried to leave my unsupportive, transphobic, abusive parents and I had all of my property taken away from me (car, wallet, phone, computer, keys, etc.) and was basically trapped in my bedroom with nothing for a month. The only thing that helped me was being able to escape the house one night and walking to the corner of a street, waiting for my friend to pick me up. Just so I could leave and get on a plane to Lance and finally be in a supportive environment. I do not only live with Lance I also live on the same property as his father, step-mother, and brother. I have been thriving here, able to actually be myself and be happy, this past year has been the happiest I have been in ages and it's all thanks to Lance and his family. I don't know what other proof I can show you or give you to show you that Lance isn't a groomer/pedophile, its an outrageous claim to me to just toss out there. Adults are allowed to be *friends* with minors, ONLY FRIENDS.

...I was going to put something here but It ended up being way to personal and I really don't want to share that part of my life with anyone yet.. Just know I've dealt with a real groomer before when I was a lot younger. (11)

Lastly, I feel like I don't even need to explain this part but here we go... As for the FA and my art. As you have learned, I am 19. If you dug into my FA more you would realize that not only have I done paw art for Lance I've drawn actual NSFW for quite a few people. If anyone on FV wanted to go out of their way and dm me offsite asking for art of this sort, in my mind that is perfectly appropriate. I am an artist who accepts NSFW commission and I am not a minor, this is perfectly legal and in my mind its alright as long as I keep it in spaces meant for it. (aka FA) I'm sure you guys have seen your fair share of minors drawing NSFW... I have never draw NSFW as a minor, I always drew the line at that.

All this does is possibly ruin our lives and spread rumors that are actually damaging. This is something people get arrested for and is not something to be taken lightly. If you have any more concerns or anything like that DM me on discord or FV, I am a real person who is separate from Lance who has my own life, thoughts, and opinions. I don't know what else I can tell you all.

[dude-ler]

If you're my fan, Please Read ALL this Post!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!

Hello, Hello, Hello! Yep I'm still here, I just finished all the ref-lists for my OCs (If you haven't seen them, check them out on this page). But bear with me now, because I have a lot of explaining to do… You may not notice, but I just removed one of the words from my username, why? Here's what happened:

Recently someone from Instragram DMed me to bring my attetion to the meaning of that word and suggest me to reconsider my name. So I googled this word and… not gonna lie… It has a LOT of bad meanings (which is why I want everyone to completely forget that word)… In my defense, I didn't think it had actual meanings and it never sounded bad for me. No one told me this before, which makes me think they also didn't know the meaning.

I tried to fix everything as quick as possible, not to mention all the hassle. I even had to replace my profile images, lock posts/videos in private, delete posts that can't be edited and even trim my videos. Luckily, in Tumblr it's possible to replace images without having to create a new post. But, unfortunately I'm not able to return the speedpaints of my OCs… It's such a pity. But what I am planning to do is create a simple video of showcasing all my OCs, all in one video.

Now I'm here left with just being called The Dude-ler… There are accounts with “Dudeler”, but mine has a “The” and a dash, so it's still different right? I'm still trying to come up with a perfect replacement of that word, but it's very hard. No one needs to help, I'll try to figure it out all by myself, I don't know how or when, but one day I guess. And I WILL verify meaning this time.

If there's anything that just comes out of nowhere, do not worry, everything will surely be fine. I myself can't even predict what's going to happen, but I do know that redemption is waiting for us. Please keep in mind that I'm a normal human being, who just loves to draw and do fun stuff, who never claims themself as a professional, who doesn't know everything, who always lives with everyday troubles. :)

I would like to post a spoiler of a new project, but now is not the time, I just think I need a long break after all this, but I will spoil something later. I'll also say this: I no longer do Color Studio Indonesia paintings, it was just getting boring, I don't even know what has happened to it.

Anyways, that's all the anouncement. I want to say huge thanks to everyone who has supported me and enjoyed my content. See you soon and have a good day! ^^

[kireijae]

oh also!!! from the perspective of someone who lives with doctors, i’d say it’s definitely hard. doctors work very long hours and it’s really as difficult as people make it out to be. both of my parents are doctors so i spent my childhood mainly on my own. i don’t remember them being home much or being present at my school events because they were always on call. some nights they wouldn’t come home because being on call means sleeping at the hospital because you can get called for an emergency at any given minute.

so yeah! usually doctors tend to have relationships with other doctors because these people are all they have time to see. they don’t really get much free time to go out and meet people. most of the doctor x non doctor couples i know are either childhood friends or they got set up through a mutual friend. or it’s arranged lol. most of the doctors in my life come in pairs 😂😂😂 and yeah it’s really just bcs their lifestyle is so exhausting and they’re always so busy. there was a time i only saw my parents 4 times a week bcs they were doing double calls and they’d come home while i was at school and be gone by the time i came back. ORR they’d come back late in the evening and just sleep. once my mum had a 16 hour long surgery and she hasn’t slept in 60 hours so she came home in her scrubs and just collapsed on the bed. then woke up the next morning and was off to work.

so yeah! if you’re writing a doctor jaemin with a reader that isn’t a doctor... this would be a crucial point. doctors don’t have a lot of time. they do get some in between but they’re so tired usually that it’s hard to do anything but stay indoors and sleep. it gets easier as they age. like the older you get, the higher your rank, the less work you have. you have bigger responsibilities but you don’t work as much so you get to rest more. but young doctors have it rough. once you’re a specialist or consultant though, you get to rest more because your MOs will do most of the work and you’re just there to kind of... supervise.

oh! they showed that sleeping in the hospital and getting called for an emergency in hospital playlist! i thought that was more realistic than what i’ve seen on western medical shows bc like if you’re on call you’re not gonna rush home and then have to go back like as you walk in the door?

being away from people is really hard and yk your heart hurts when you have to be away from someone so idk if i could write that bc i’m so bad w angst like i get too into and i get sad fjjfjff

[sanriothot]

KITTEN

Tim Drake x Gender Neutral! Reader

Summary: You and Tim are online friends.

Warning: death mention. Mostly fluff. Italics = text messages.

Word Count: 1.2k

You hopped onto Discord after a long morning. With nothing to do at home, you decided to spend your past time talking to ppl across the internet with similar interests. You've met and talked to some interesting people, to say the least. After a while, you’ve become a mod in a server.

There was this one mod, everyone calls him Timmy. In your own words, he was kind of a control freak. If the server needed a bot, he added. If the mods needed to make an announcement, he’d make it. You wonder if you’ll get to anything to help around the server with the rest of the mod team letting Tim do everything.

Members of the server have been asking for a new boy, you sent a message to the fellow mods about it, offering to help install the bot.

You could feel a burning sensation growing in your chest as you read their replies. They all told you that Tim would do it and that you didn’t need to help. You know they probably didn’t mean it harshly, sometimes tone doesn’t translate well into text but what they said still hurt you.

You get up and walk away from your desktop to cool off. Once you returned to your desk, you noticed a new notification.

“Hey.”

It was Tim. Tim sent you a dm.

Your heart rate picked up, you greeted him in return. This is the first time you’ve ever dmed him. The server that you both mod for is huge, you’ve talked a lot in group settings, but it’s not a surprise that you guys never talked one on one.

You watch Tim type, anticipation building up in the pit of your stomach.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay :) didn’t like that you got shut down like that”

“It’s fine, you’ve done bots before.” you said.

“But I wouldn’t mind the help, especially if it was you” Then Tim sent another text before you could start typing out a reply. “I just think you’re really cool”

“Think you’re really cool too.”

And that was the beginning of your back and forth with Tim. You worked along with Tim whenever the server needed to get new bots. you saw each other online, you’d always said hello and t to each and tag each other in posts you’d think the other would like.

As months passed by, the other members became more and more annoyed that Tim spent so much time talking to you. In their own words, they were tired of the obnoxious “flirting”.

You and Tim wouldn’t call it flirting, you two just grew closer. It wasn’t your fault that you and Tim got along so well.

“I think you guys are mad that Y/n is Tim’s discord kitten and you’re not lol”

You saw Tim typing. “You hear that, y/n? you’re my discord kitten” with a heart emoji.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his comment.

—

You got online one day to see your notification blowing up. You were used to Tim tagging in memes but this seemed like too many to be just him. You open the source of the tags, the selfie channel. You scrolled to the post everyone tagged you in.

The caption was just some generic rise and grind quote but it was clearly ironic. What drew your attention the most was the picture attached. It was a selfie from who you could only assume is Tim posing in front of a mirror with gym equipment in the background. His long black hair falling into his face, drenched with sweat. He had nice muscles.

But there was one thought on your mind, you wanted him to crush you with those arms of his.

“I don’t believe that’s you” You typed out. No way was this the guy you’ve been talking to.

“Why???”

“You’re too handsome, you have to be catfishing.”

“I’ll prove it :]”

And that’s when you started getting a video call. Your hands started to clam up. You realized how much of a mess you probably looked right now while sitting hands, contemplating picking up the call.

You took a deep breath and hit accept call. You fidgeted in your chair as the call connected.

“Oh my god, you’re real.” Your eyes grew wide, trying to let this revelation sink in.

The same guy from the selfie was looking at you. His cheeks are more flushed now than in the picture, but it was clearly the same person. It really was Tim.

“Hi, kitten” The man, Tim, chuckled to him as he continued to speak. You don’t know where he was but you can tell he’s sitting down somewhere, calling you on his phone. “Sorry, still a bad joke.”

You laughed, breaking into a smile that’ll make your face hurt later. You really couldn’t believe it, it’s him.

“I hope you know that it feels like I’m meeting in person right now.” Tim said, smiling softly.

“Let’s pretend we are, okay?”

—

It was just like every normal evening for you. You sat on your computer waiting for Tim to get online and call you.

Your phone rang, seeing the contact ID was Tim, you hit accept call without hesitation.

“Hey, Tim?” You said but you greeted with heavy breathing. Your heart started pounding in your chest as you thought of every bad scenario. “Tim? what’s wrong”

“Y/N?“ His voice was hoarse and strained. “Please, stay on the phone. I just need to pretend you’re here with me right now.”

You could feel a crack forming in your heart. You’ve never seen Tim like this. Yes, you both have vented to each other before but he sounds so distraught.

“Of course, I can.” You said and you did. You sat on the phone with Tim for the rest of the evening. At times, he put himself on mute and came back sniffling. Despite his protests, you both stayed on the phone while you slept.

You found out later that night when he called ,Tim lost one of his childhood friends. Part of you was hurt over Tim’s loss but the other part of you, one deep inside, you was grateful that Tim felt safe enough to vent to you and how safe you felt around him. You loved it even.

—

You laid in your bed, listening to Tim’s rambles on FaceTime. It was getting late, your eyes growing heavy.

You hear Tim ask you something. “Tell me exactly what you want.” You mumbled, eyes fluttering close.

“You. I want you,” he said.

The air was dead silence.

You jumped out of your bed and picked up from your dresser so you could get a good look at Tim.

You could hear Tim swear underneath his breath, his hand covering his blue eyes.

“I think I like you more than anyone should like their online friend. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you but everytime I did, I’d freeze up and back out.” He said, finally getting the courage to look at you. “Pretend I didn’t say any of that, y/n.”

“No, I’m not.” You said, butterflies swarmed your stomach. “I really can’t pretend that I don’t feel something too.”

“I guess you really are my discord kitten.”

[hockeywhhores]

just friends?- m. tkachuk

Matthew Tkachuk x f!Reader

summary~ Matthew is your best friend, but you both want to be more. 

warnings~ friends to lovers, swearing, alcohol consumption, fight, implied sex 

genre~ friends to lovers, fluff with some angst 

word count~ 3.3K 

masterlist

Growing up next in the house next to the Tkacuk’s meant there were never any dull moments. You have been playing with Matthew, Brady, and Taryn since you could talk. Matthew was the one who taught you how to ice skate, Brady taught you how to understand American football, and you ended up teaching Taryn how to put on makeup.

Matthew was even there when your first date had stood you up. When he came you were so embarrassed about being stood up and wanted to leave, but he made you stay and ‘fixed’ your date. Really he just bought you some dinner, and then you guys went back to his house and watched a movie with his siblings. At night when you started overthinking about why your date had stood you up; he held you in his arms, and let you cry on his shoulder. Matthew made sure you knew it wasn’t because you were ugly, which you insisted that it was, by telling you how beautiful you looked. You wrote him off, because that’s what your best friend is supposed to say.

When Matthew was drafted, he insisted that you applied to colleges in Calgary. Just to ease his mind you applied to all different colleges around Calgary, and even got in. Matthew offered to share his apartment, but you decided to live in the dorms. You both knew that wasn’t really going to happen, and were right. You spent more time in his apartment than in your dorm. Your toothbrush was in his bathroom and your shampoo and conditioner were in his shower. You slept in the guest room, and whenever his family came to Canada you slept in his bed, with him. His parents would take the guest room.

You were just friends. You were reminded of that when girls would flirt with him in bars, and he would let them. You always pushed away every jealous thought. Matthew wasn’t yours, so that makes whoever is flirting with him not your problem. The team had no problem making little chirps at the two of you being in love, but at least they only did so when you were alone. Some random guy ended up on the stool next to you. He ordered a beer and started watching one of the TVs. “Come here often?” He asked you, as he looked back towards you.

“Do you ask every girl that?” you questioned him with a small chuckle.

“Only the pretty one’s,” He smirked at you, “My name’s Asher.” he said, extending his hand.

“y/n” you smiled at him and shook his hand. As corny as his introduction was, you couldn’t help but think he was cute. His blue eyes stood out, they weren’t like Matthew’s ,light blue eyes, they are a deep blue. His ashy brunette hair looked super soft, and fell slightly across his forehead. Asher looked tired, but interested in you.

“Well what do you do, Miss. y/n?” he asked you, his voice sounding deep.

“I’m a college student by day, and a mysterious girl that hangs out in bars by night.” You say so casually, wanting to mess with him a little bit. Purposely not telling him you were here with the few Flames’ players that were around.

“Well I think you're doing great at being the mysterious girl that hangs out in bars very well.” Asher's voice was smooth like honey. “I’m an editor for CalgarySun.” you could listen to him talk for hours.

“Wow, and I caught your eye?” you playfully asked him.

“How could you not have?” He asked you sounding serious. “Do you want another drink?” he noticed your drink was getting low.

“If you don’t mind. I would love another drink.” you smiled. You felt like an idiot with all the smiling you were doing. Asher ended up buying you two more drinks before you got a text that Matthew ordered himself an Uber and you could share with him if you wanted to. Deciding to save the money, and take a ride with him. You said goodbye to your new friend, Asher. Numbers were exchanged and with that you left.

When you got outside you found Matthew walking the girl to her Uber, but he didn’t get in with her. The girl’s Uber left with her in it, and Matthew turned around to find you watching him. He gestures for you to come stand by him, and you did.

“Why didn’t you go with her?” You were the first one to speak.

“She obviously only liked me, because she recognized me. Fucking groupie was what she was.” You heard the frustration in his voice. It struck you as odd, about how he never took girls back to his apartment. You always told him you would go back to your dorms for the night, but he refused. Those moments made you feel bad for being there all the time.

A red car pulled up to the curb, and Matthew seemed to recognize it. You heard the driver ask if he was Matthew, and when he got a ‘yes’, he unlocked the doors. Matthew opened the door for you, and you slightly crawled inside the backseat. Thankfully you were wearing jeans, so you didn’t flash anyone. The ride back was just like any other. Matthew and you would talk about little things, and when it got quiet you listened to the radio that was lightly playing in the background. It only got quiet in between new topics. But like a blink of an eye the ride was over, and you were in front of his apartment.

Matthew opened the door for you, and you both went your separate ways. You went to the bathroom to take off your makeup and he went to his bedroom to change his clothes. After you were both done you switched, and he went to the bathroom while you changed. Walking into the room you now occupy in his apartment, the first thing you noticed was the mess you had made while getting ready for a night out. You signed and started straightening up before you gave up, and just put on your pajamas, which was an old shirt Matthew gave to you and some sweatpants. You heard the TV turn on and knew Matthew wasn’t going to be going to bed anytimes soon. You decided to join him.

Matthew was watching some Avengers movie, and you just signed and laid on the couch. He let you put your legs on top of his; letting you lay down on the couch. You phone vibrated on the coffee table. The light makes it hard to ignore. It went off again, so you just got up to answer it. You smiled when you noticed that Asher had texted you. Matthew tried to pay you no mind, and continued to watch the movie he picked out, but he couldn’t stop thinking about who would be texting you at midnight on a Saturday.

Matthew knew he should make his feelings known, but there was so much going against how could you two ever work out? He got labeled a borderline dirty player, a fuckboy, and was told he didn’t know how to manage his anger, and he was okay with it. He didn’t let it bother him. But if he ever lost you, because of his stupid feelings, he would never forgive himself. You were too precious to lose, and he could never risk it, so he hid his feelings.

After the movie was over Matthew looked over and saw that you had fallen asleep with your phone next to you. He gently moved your legs, trying his hardest to not wake you up. When he successfully got up, without disturbing you, he picked you up and carried you bridal style. He quietly tucked you into your bed, and went back to the living room to grab your phone. All he was going to do was plug it in for you, but couldn't help himself when he saw that some guy named Asher had been the one texting you. Matthew felt jealous boil up inside him, but he just plugged your phone in and left. You weren’t his, and oh how he wanted that to change.

Both of you didn’t wake up until late into the afternoon, and by that time lunch was more socially acceptable than breakfast. Matthew ordered some chinese take out, to help with both your hangovers. They weren’t bad, but Chinese take could cure anything. You came out looking a slight mess, but Matthew thought you gorgeous anyway. Your hair was all knotted, your clothes were wrinkled, and you had no makeup on. If Matthew was being honest he would pick this version of you over any supermodel that DMed him.

“Good mornin’.”your raspy, just-woke-up voice rang out across the apartment. You smiled at him, and looked confused when he did answer you. All he could think of was, who was ‘Asher’ and why was he texting you last night?

“Morning. I ordered some take out.” Matthew said back to you when he came to his sinuses.

“You are my savior!” you giggled out. Before things could get too awkward there was a knock on the door.

“That’s probably it right now.” he stated as he walked to the door. It was in fact the food, and you went to grab some silverware, and plates to help out. You also made both of you water bottles. You heard Matthew say a quick ‘thank you’ before the door closed, and he held up the big paper bag of food out as a way of showing you. You giggled and took the silverware, plates, and water bottles to the coffee table. Matthew followed behind you with the food.  

“When is your next game?” you questioned him. You needed to know what night you weren’t really going to be sleeping.

“Tomorrow, we get to stay home for the next four game, I think.” Matthew got out between taking bites of the noodles he put on his plate. “What do you want to watch?” he questioned you back.

“Umm...want to watch ‘The Good Doctor’?” you threw out between your bites of chicken.

“Sounds good to me.” he smiled at you. You knew liking your best friend was cliche, but if you pretended there wasn’t anything there; there was nothing there, right?

After eating and watching hulu, you decided it would be a good idea to get some of the homework you didn’t want to actually do, done. Matthew kepting talking to you while you sat at the really dining room table, that you never actually used, typing away on your laptop. Then he would go back and continue on doing whatever he was doing. While he was sitting on the couch in the living room, you got a great view of his face. You looked at him, you mean you really looked at him. Your heart started beating a little bit faster and your cheeks got hot. When he smiled at his show, you felt yourself wanting to smile. You never realized how domesticated this really was. You never realized how you could live with him, like this, forever. You just noticed how much you were going to miss his soft singing when he was in the shower, and his little mannerisms that made your heart beat faster. How he held every door he could open for you.

You thought back to when you were stood up. You thought about how he wouldn't let you go home. How he made you stay so he could give you a ‘proper date’. How he insisted that it wasn’t because you were ugly, and you were actually the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Did he just say that because that was what best friends said? Did he feel the same feelings towards the other, like you did?  No. There was no way he felt the same.

The lazy day ended and you both had to go back to your normal lives. Monday was upon you, and Matthew had a game, and you had class. You were dressed in black jeans, and a flames crewneck tha Matthew gave you to wear around Calgary so people knew you were on the right side of the ‘Battle of Alberta’. Matthew was gone before you had your coffee made. You saw the note he left stating that he was going to go do some laps, and hang out with the team. After your coffee was done you locked up his apartment, and left for class.

Class was boring, but you and Matthew texted so that made things better. Your plans for the night are to now attend his game, that was getting played against the Canucks. No complaints were going to be heard from you. You loved going to watch his games.

The night came quicker than expected, and you were rushing around his apartment trying to find your jersey, that of course had his last name on it, but it was nowhere to be seen. Looking at your watch you decided that if you didn’t leave now then you were never going to make it before puck drop. Last minute decision was made, and you just grabbed one of the many jerseys he had in his closet. The jersey was several sizes too big, but you didn’t mind.

Luck was on your side, because you were somehow able to make it to your seat in time before the game started. You only have to wait a minute before the lineup is being called. Matthew looked to where you always sat, with most of the wags, and smiled bigger when he saw you sitting there in his jersey. You smiled and gave him a slight wave. The game was brutal to say the least. Whenever the Flames were able to score, the Canucks scored right after them. Nevermind all the chirping going on between the two teams, especially Matthew and Jake Virtanen. They were going after each other, and no one was able to keep them apart long enough. You thought everything was going to blow over, but then the gloves were dropped. You stood up in shock, and you were also trying to get a better view. Whenever Matthew got in fights your blood ran cold, and your hands got sweaty.

The referees got everything sorted out, and they both got pentilites. The game stayed close, 3-3, and it was now going into overtime. You could tell how frustrated Matthew was. Overtime came and went, and then shootout time was up. After two misses, it was Matthew’s turn. Your hands got even more sweaty. Then in a blink-and-you’ll-miss it type of moment, Matthew scored for the Flames. You had to sit through the Canucks last shot, but thankfully Markstrom gloved it before it could go in. You could feel the energy that was put back into Saddledome.

As everyone leaves the stadium you stay in your seat, waiting for everything to clear out a little bit. When it looked clear enough you headed to the hallway where most of the wags were already there. You kept to yourself, and quietly waited for Matthew. When the team came out everyone was congratulating them. When Matthew saw you we went straight to you. You saw him a second before he was in front of you, and jumped forward engulfing Matthew in the biggest hug.

“Oh my god. You were amazing.” You smiled, so wide your cheeks hut, but he was smiling just as big. He was holding you from under your thighs, and you had your arms around his neck.

“I couldn’t have done it without you being here.” Matthew whispered in your ear. Neither of you want to let go, but you knew the guys wanted to go celebrate at some bar. So you pulled back, and you swear you saw Matthew frown, as he put you back on the ground.

Apparently the bar everyone wanted to go to was, where you went not even three days ago. Matthew bought you a shot, and you did one with him. Then he bought you one of your regular drinks. That was when you saw Asher sitting on one of the bar stools drinking a beer.

“We have got to stop meeting at this bar.” You stated when you were close enough he would be able to hear you.

“I am not going to disagree with you.” Asher tipped his beer at you and you slightly tripped your drink back at him. “Did you come in with the hockey team?” he questioned you sounding disgusted.

“Yeah. I did. Is that a problem?” you softly asked him

“I bet you’re just some groupie, who likes men that have money and a title.” He accused you. His words were slurred, and you knew he was drunk.

“What did you just say to her?” Matthew angrily spit out. ‘Oh shit’ was the only thing going through your head.

“Oh you both heard me. I saw her get into an Uber with your Saturday night. Right after she was done flirting with me and using me for drinks.” Asher spit out just as angrily but way more intoxicated.

“Both of you stop it!” you yelled out, “Well fuck. Matthew meet Asher, Asher meet Matthew, my friend.” you tried to get everything to settle down, but after you called Matthew your friend, you saw him get even more angry, if that was even possible.

“I don’t care what your relationship is to him. Why the hell did you leave flirting with a guy to get in some other guy’s Uber.” Asher was trying to dominate over you by standing tall and looking down at you. You hated this. You wish you and Matthew just went home instead of go to this stupid bar.

“Back the fuck up, Buddy.” Matthew spits out, “y/n come on. We are going home.” Matthew grabbed your arm and dragged you to his car. It wasn’t really a drag as you were willingly leaving with him, he was just holding your arm.

The car ride was completely silent, the radio not even playing, and no one wanted to speak. When you got back to his apartment was when all hell broke loose.

“So that was Asher? What an outstanding guy.” Matthew was enraged and couldn’t help with throwing out that comment.

“How the hell did you know about Asher?” you asked confused.

“I saw your phone, when I plugged it in for you, and made sure you were tucked into bed. Like a friend would do.” Matthew wrinkled his nose at you.

“Why do you care about the guys I’m texting! You can literally get any girl you want!” you protested.

“I care because I love you! Have you ever seen me take any of those girls back here? No, that's because I was trying to show you I’m not some asshole. I love you dammit.” Matthew professed everything in that one response. Everything was said, and neither of you could take it back. The pause that followed put both of you on edge.

“I love you too.” you whispered out. “I only want to be next to you, and when I’m in class I can’t wait to see you when we grab lunch together or when you hold my legs in your lap when we are watching movies. I love you. I love you so much.” your eyes were watering with all of the emotions coming out of you.  Matthew ran up and pulled up into his arms, holding you like he was at the stadium. Then he leaned in and kissed you. It felt like time stopped, everything was still, except for you and him. You couldn’t get enough of him, and he couldn’t get enough of you.

You woke up for the first time in his bed with no clothes on. Matthew was already up and was watching. His grip was firm like if he let you go, he would never see you again. Nothing felt better at that moment.

finished.

[unsaidholland]

what a time | t. holland

hello besties, this is a tom fic that has been in the making for a while! a personal favourite trope, tom and musician!reader break up and she writes a song about him! what a time by julia michaels ft. niall horan is used as the reader’s song, definitely go listen to it if you haven’t!

warnings: it’s mostly sad so grab some tissues, fluff at the end

you, like tom, didn’t have a very typical job. while your friends went off to university to get their degrees, you went on to become a musician. that’s how you had met tom. he dmed you one day saying that he loved your music, you said you loved his movies, and the rest was history. he ended up introducing you to so many people over the ten months that you two were together, one of them being niall horan. niall and you exchanged numbers wanting to eventually collab, but neither of you thought that your breakup would be the reason that the two of you were going to release a song together.

after ten months, you and tom called it quits. you made sure the media thought it was mutual. that was the first thing you agreed on when the two of you started dating - if you ever went public and had broken up, it would seem to be a mutual agreement. neither of you wanted the other’s reputation to be ruined. little did the public know, the breakup was anything but mutual. he had broken up with you. you never knew why. he had just said, “it wasn’t working out.” that was all he left you with. that was all you had for closure. funny how forever seemed to last just over ten months, right?

you sat in your living room with a guitar in your hands. you had so much emotion that you had bottled up, and the only way you knew to get it out was songwriting. after messing around with different chords on your guitar, you found a chord progression that you were really confident in. the melody seemed to come naturally, and so your phone began to fill up with voice memos of possible lyrics. 

i think of that night in the park, it was getting dark

and we stayed up for hours

what a time, what a time, what a time

you clinged to my body like you wanted it forever

what a time, what a time, what a time

for you and I

what a time, what a time

for you and I

the chorus came naturally, the verses came next, and before you knew it you had a rough draft of a song. after listening back to the song, you realized that it was missing something. you looked around the living room, sunlight peeking through the sheer, white blinds. after writing for two hours, you decided you needed a snack and a coffee. 

you walked to the coffee shop down the street from your apartment. the coffee shop that you used to go to with tom. as you stood in line to order, your mind couldn’t help but wonder if he came to the shop when he was in town? did he stand in line and think about whether you still went here too? you ordered your iced coffee and pain au chocolat and sat at one of the tables. you chose a table far, far away from where you and tom used to sit. this place would always remind you of him no matter how hard you tried. the warm lights brightened up the room, but it still felt dim without tom. the coffee shop didn’t have that sense of warmth and familiarity that it used to, that tom brought to it whenever you used to go. 

you watched as people walked in and out of the shop. you watched as couples kissed in line as they waited. you watched as people seemed happy. you needed to figure out what was missing with your song, and as you watched two people out on the street argue, you realized you needed a second voice on the track. 

later that night, you asked niall to feature on your song. when you sent him a very rough recording of what you had written, he immediately agreed. the song was raw and real, the song revealed more about your breakup with tom than you could ever say. 

•••

it had been two weeks since you released the song. what a time became popular enough to get you and niall a spot on james cordon’s show. as you were sat on stage and the band started playing the intro, you felt tears well up in your eyes. you couldn’t do it. you walked off stage where niall found you.

“come here,” was all he said. it was all he needed to say. he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back as your head sat on his chest. his heartbeat helped to calm you down. you and niall were just friends, but he was like a brother to you, especially after he helped you with the song. “let’s try again, yeah?” he asked you after a few minutes. the crew backstage just watched as he comforted you. you wiped the tears away from your face and nodded.

soon enough you were back on stage and performing the song. you fought back the tears throughout the whole performance, but whenever you felt the tears about to spill over, niall was there to get you through it. when he was close to you, he would hug you or hold your hand, and when he couldn’t he gave you a reassuring look. a look that said, “we’re going to get through this.”  your voice wavered as you sang, but the audience still cheered you on. the emotion that you felt pushed you to finish the performance, because as soon as it was done, the sooner you could get home and cry, cry somewhere that wasn’t in the eyes of the spotlight. 

the episode you were on aired a few days later. you couldn’t bear to watch it, but you tweeted about it to help bring some publicity towards it. little did you know, on the other side of the world, tom was watching it as it aired. he was having dinner at his parent’s house when his dad had turned on the tv to watch the late late show. tom thought nothing of it and sat down on the couch next to the twins. he laughed at the segments, but then he saw you. nikki, knowing it was going to be too much for her firstborn, instinctively went to reach for the remote, but was stopped by tom saying a quiet, “no.”

he watched you as you sang. he watched as you poured your heart out to the world. tom watched you fight back tears that no one else could see, but most importantly, tom knew that he was the cause of this. he was the one who called it off, he was the one who ripped your heart in half, he was the one who caused all your tears, grief, and pain. he could never take that back. tom was too entranced by your performance to realize that he was shedding tears. he may not have been your boyfriend anymore, but he still knew you like the back of his hand. he missed you like a child misses his mother on the first day of school. he needed you the way the ocean needs the moon’s push and pull to create waves. it took you publicly fighting back your tears on stage for tom to realize completely that he had lost something more important to him than anything. 

tom listened to you sing.

you clinged to my body like you wanted it forever, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie.

he wanted you for forever. all he ever wanted was for you to stay in his arms forever, but clearly he lost everything when he broke it off. at the time it all seemed reasonable. he loved you, but he didn’t want to lose your relationship to the distance, so he called it off. tom just never thought that it would hurt this much. being separated by vast oceans didn’t make it any better either. it made everything worse. he couldn’t just go and see you. he needed to fly out to la, find out where you were staying, and find a place for him to stay. and in the case that you did take him back, he needed to change his schedule to make sure he didn’t lose you again, because he couldn’t lose you, not again.

he wiped away the tears that rolled down his flushed cheeks with the cuff of his blue midtown high sweater. as you and niall hugged at the end of the performance he thought about how perfect life was when he held you in his arms. he thought about how he should be the one holding you in his arms. he thought about how he lost everything the day he lost you. it had been a month and a half since the breakup, and he felt like he had been suffering ever since. he needed you, that was the only thing he knew to be true. 

“come here darling,” nikki said, opening up her arms to wrap around her son after getting up to comfort him. he held onto her like his life depended on it. she rubbed his back and placed a tender kiss on the top of his head. 

“i miss her so much.” his voice was breathy, light and filled with air, yet heavy with emotion. “mum i can’t live without her, why did i ever leave her?” he sobbed into her chest. tom didn’t care if the rest of his family was watching him sob over a girl he broke up with, he only cared about you. “i really messed up.” he pulled away to look at his mother’s expression expecting disappointment, but only seeing a soft, warm smile.

“you’re allowed to mess up. you live and you learn. the important thing is what are you going to do about it?” nicola was always a wise woman in tom’s eyes. she always knew what to say and when to say it. not only that, but she was always a good friend to him, not just his mom. she looked into tom’s brown eyes that were only swirling with emotion. deep in thought, tom could only hear his mom’s words roaming around his mind. what are you going to do about it?

•••

less than 36 hours later tom found himself in la. he was on a journey to find you, and this time he wasn’t planning on giving up. he knew where to find you.

you stumbled into your favourite coffee shop as you always did. the coffee in la was different than back home, so whenever you were in la you couldn’t stop the small coffee obsession. you sat down at a table, opening your laptop to answer some emails and get some work done. you may have been sitting alone at a table, but you were comfortable with the space. 

tom had walked in, ordered a coffee and a cookie, and after paying and receiving his order, his eyes scanned the room to find you, which he easily did. you looked ethereal, he thought you were so beautiful despite only wearing jeans and a plain t-shirt. you weren’t done up, but he still thought you were absolutely gorgeous. he mustered up the courage to ask if he could sit at your table, and once the two of you made eye contact it was as if the world stopped for a moment. his chest tightened at the sight of you, and the knot in his stomach had turned into butterflies. he was more nervous than he was at any press conference he had ever been to because if he didn’t do well, he would have lost everything for good.

“please sit,” you said after finding your voice. you shut your laptop, taking it off the table and putting it back into your bag to focus your attention on him. “what are you doing here? i thought you were still in kingston.” small talk was never your specialty. especially since you had so much you wanted to tell him with nowhere to start. 

“i flew out about 36 hours ago. i needed to see you.” tom cut right to the chase. he may have been sleep deprived, being too nervous on the plane and during his layovers to even sleep, but he was thinking clearly when it came to fixing your relationship with him. he needed you back, that was the goal, that was why he flew out in the first place. “yeah, i couldn’t get a direct flight, so i had a layover in toronto. it was cool and all, but all i could think about was seeing you.” tom kept rambling, and as much as you wanted to stop him and get angry with him, you just let him talk. you needed to hear him out. you needed to know if the past month and a half had been hell for him like it was for you. 

“i’m the biggest idiot that could have ever walked the planet, y/n. i shouldn't have broken up with you. i’m really sorry.” he reached out to grab your hands, cupping them in his. his touch was gentle, but so, so warm against your hands. his touch was intoxicating. you would be lying if you said that you didn’t want him, but even after he hurt you, tom was all you wanted. “i need to make things right. i need you back in my life, i need us to get back together. i want you, i’ve only wanted you.” i’ve only wanted you. his words were stitching your heart back together, but you couldn’t forget that he had left you.

“i was scared, so i broke up with you. that is the most idiotic thing i’ve ever done. i didn’t want the distance to hurt us so i needed to break up with you before the distance could break us up, but i’ll give you anything, no, i’ll give you everything if it means we can try again.” tom didn’t care about the people around your table, he just cared about you. he cared about getting you back. the two of you sat in silence, drowning out the noise of the other patrons in the shop. the bustle of the city was suddenly gone as you focused on him.

“do you mean it?” those words were the only thing you could muster out. your mind was all over the place. you looked behind him, at the people walking around the shop, grabbing their drinks and leaving, talking to their friends. your eyes focused back on tom. you focused on how he looked so desperate for you, how he was silently fighting for you as the two of you sat in silence.

“of course i do. i love you y/n.” those latter four words cut the silence like a knife. those four words were the last thing you thought you were going to hear from him, but here he was, saying everything you wanted him to and meaning it. he meant every single word he was saying to you, that much was evident.

“i love you too.”

•••

about a month later, you were scrolling on twitter only to see an article about you and tom getting back together. though the two of you never confirmed it explicitly, it was quite obvious with how much the two of you were spotted together. a few days after he flew out to reconcile with you, you had flown back home to london with him. countless dates were spent before tom had to go to ohio to film his newest project. you were meant to fly out later, needing to finish a few meetings in london about your next album.

you scrolled through your instagram to see a photo of you and tom that he had posted. it was a photo that harrison had taken of the two of you dancing around in the backyard as it was pouring rain. neither of you knew he had taken photos of you until after. the captured moment became both your lockscreen and tom’s lockscreen, and now it was out there for the whole world to see. he had tagged you in it and captioned it what a time for you and i, clearly referring to your song. a smile appeared on your face. you were quick to comment on his picture. when he says “you can stand under my umbrella” but he doesn’t have an umbrella :// if he was going to have fun with this, then so were you.

as your phone blew up, you got a text from tom saying he was taking a break from filming and that he would call you soon. what a time for you and him indeed.

[fictionkinfessions]

Some people have been slandering me on other blog(s?) very recently. I would like to explain my side of the situation regarding this. [Thank you to anonymous person who DMed me about this.]

edited 12/2: I mistakenly assumed the 'second server admin' was someone involved with creating or moderating the server. I apologize for making assumptions, and have corrected 'second server admin' to 'second person on behalf of the server' also abbreviated as ‘second person’.

The original server admin was not involved in the slander or misleading ask messages to other blog(s?). I apologize for stating they were. They were not involved with such messages or posts.

I also forgot the first server admin did respond after my refusal. I did purposefully ended the conversation early in order to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet. I realize now that I should have been more communicative and clearer on my part. I am sorry I was not, and will take care to do so in the future.

I also want to clarify w/r/t to taking a neutral stance isn’t the best answer to system discourse, and it is taking a side on the conversation whether I intend to as a singlet or not. My intention is to minimize harm caused on my part as a singlet navigating through intracommunity discussions.

Lastly, the concern of lesbophobia has no relation to this server or server admin. I am largely unaware of the origins of these accusations and apologize for mistakenly assigning them to the server admin and server. I’m aware lesbians can be lesbophobic. For the sake of post length and relevance, I omitted this.

note: I'm using they / them because there’s two people involved, and I don't know their respective pronouns. This is not purposeful misgendering. There is a summary on the bottom, but I appreciate anyone who reads this.

This is what happened.

Yesterday, 11/30. someone asked for a server promo for an interest check they sent in. On their server promo post they stated 'no endo systems, no tulpas'.

This blog doesn't promo blogs or servers that prohibit any type of system from joining or interacting with the person's blog or server.

note: this is long and is below the read more. 

I informed the person about this rule. They said nothing in response. [correction: they did respond. I purposefully ended the conversation abruptly to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet.]

A second person on behalf of the server, came into this blog's DMs requesting a promo, saying they changed their mind about restricting endogenic systems and tulpas from joining them.

I declined to promo their blog again, having private concerns that they were being dishonest about their intentions. This is because their message came within 30 minutes of my response to the original server admin.

If they really hadn't changed their minds, then I would be sending people into a harmful situation. [My response to the second person was, as quoted here, "No, thank you! Good luck with your server!"]

The person immediately became upset and stated that as a singlet I was gatekeeping their server by refusing to engage with them in any form. I explained this rule was a public guideline on this blog's page, it's not a secret requirement, and that I cannot engage in encouraging system discourse since it's not my community.

I am a singlet. People have in the past been rightfully vocal about not giving a platform on this blog to anyone gatekeeping specific types of systems. I understand and respect that this is an intracommunity discussion, and I will not disseminate such content as it's not my place to.

I responded to their message point by point, expounding on what I meant with the promo rules and so forth. I ended my message trying to disengage with the person in a positive manner and go to bed.

This person responded, claiming I was making jokes about needing to be paid to joke about systemcourse.  I have a copy of our entire conversation and can verify I never said anything like that.

My last reply to that was to state I was disengaging in case it wasn't clear from the prior message, because communication is tricky over the internet.

I felt it was clear from the conversation that I could offer no further help for them. I felt there was nothing left to explain, that they would continue to put words in my mouth, and they only wanted to berate me. I had no further contact with them as I went to bed.

As for the dishonesty and rumors those two have tried to spread about me:

I have not invalidated any type of system in private dms or publicly anywhere. I have never said a type of system was the only correct one, or more legitimate than others. I have never tried to inform anyone about systems as if I knew more than them. [correction: I have and I will apologize for it summarily in another post.]

I have not told anyone to not make servers or promo posts for their servers.

Not promoting a server isn't lesbophobia.

I have never said anything lesbophobic or discussed anything about lgbt identities to anyone regarding system discourse, their system, or anything like that.

I'm a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian. I have never been purposefully lesbophobic to anyone publicly or privately. I don't even make or reblog ironic homophobia jokes. I might live in the closet for the rest of my life aside from being freely lesbian in online spaces. I'm excruciatingly aware how terrible lesbophobia is and would never wish it on anyone.

The blog rule of not promoting servers who exclude types of systems is for all systems. Endo-, trauma-, quoi-, and so on. Tbh this goes for soulbonds as well because hey, there's an overlap of them and the system community.

My refraining from participating in intracommunity discussions is not ableism. My refusal to reblog promos for anything at all, for any reason is not oppression or ableism. [correction: it’s not a perfect resolution on my part to attempt neutrality. My aim is to prevent excessive harm or distress on a blog meant for the alterhuman community. Me remaining silent on system discourse is taking a side or stance,whether I intend to or not.]

I'm aware this blog has a large audience and I'd rather be careful about what I show to 5,000 people. The purpose of promos is to share that which would help the alterhuman community at large. To promote anything that divides sections of the overlapping communities would go against that. I can’t see how this is unreasonable.

I know this blog posts some sketchy and out there confessions. That is generally the purpose of a confession blog. [Within reason, ofc. No death threats, etc] I feel that vent / heavy themed posts limited to a single blockable blog is not the same as promoting servers where 'Us vs Them' mentalities are grown and encouraged.

If you disagree with me trying to maintain a neutral stance regarding system discourse, ok. I'm not here to change minds or take sides. I don't have the right to a voice in this specific conversation. I only want to make it clear what happened between me and two other people, and why they are saying hurtful things about me.

In summary:

Two different people asked me to promote their discord server that banned endogenic systems and tulpas from joining. As per the Promo Guidelines page, we do not promote those servers. I am a singlet and engaging in system discourse is not acceptable. [correction: one server admin asked me to promote their server. I declined. A second person on behalf of the server tried again to request a server promo.]

One of the server admins had a conversation with me. I explained the rule regarding banning types of Systems. The server admin took it poorly, stating my refusal to join in intracommunity discourse as a singlet was ableism on my part. [Correction: the second person may not have been an server admin, but acting on behalf of the server]

The two server admins are now slandering me on other blog(s?), saying I'm ableist, taking sides on system discourse despite being a singlet, and being lesbophobic. [Correction: it was only the second person, not the server admin.]

I've done none of those things. I have a copy of the conversations to prove it. I don’t want to post it without their consent, unless I really must to prove I wasn’t behaving inappropriately.

I am a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian who can only be publicly open about my identity online. I am in the closet in real life to my entire family. I know how torturous lesbophobia is and would never be lesbophobic to anyone.

[In fact, the topic of lgbt+ identities never came up in that conversation. I'm confused where that came from.]

If you read any of this, thank you. I really hope I haven’t behaved poorly regarding this. I would like to apologize if I have. I genuinely don’t think I have been unreasonable in this situation.

Connie / Mod Party Cat!

ps, if you know their blog urls, please do not harass them. Also, please don’t harass anyone in their kin community. Don’t be goofy like that, thank you.

pps I’m ok with people linking or reblogging this if someone is confused about what new terrible thing has happened on fictionkinfessions. It’s not required but hey, it’s out there, for eternal record on the internets. Hello world.

pps sorry for putting it in the community tags, but it is relevant insofar as clarifying rumors and dishonesty.

[kurt-nightcrawler]

Opposites Attract 

Warren Worthington III x Female Reader

Request 1:  Brooooo i’ve got a boyfriend was amazing! like you don’t understand how much i loved it. if you ever have time can you do like a continuation piece of fluff with warren and the reader or like when they met and became a couple? like same mutant and stuff

Request 2:  Aww I loved the one shot with mother nature and Warren! I loved how her eyes turned pink, when she saw Warren! I'd like to know more about them. Could you give us a little fluffy glimpse into their relationship? Thank you, my dear! You're amazing! 💕

I also may make a little fluffy fic about these two later! (also i know I’ve used this gif before, oh well)

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of sex

Word Count: 7.9k

 Ever since she was little, (Y/N) had a green thumb. Her parents had her play outside, help them do yard work, and she had her own collection of house plants from a young age. 

It wasn’t until she started getting older that things started to change. Maybe be more than just a “green thumb.”

Leaves grew in her hair and vines wrapped around her legs. Her eyes started changing color based on her mood. She looked like a woodland creature. 

-

With high hopes and her bags packed, she went to Xavier’s school for gifted youngsters. To find someone like her, or just find a place to fit in. 

Her eyes were green and she was ready to meet new people. 

-

(Y/N) fit in great. Her roommate could control the weather, which made their room a true plant haven, and she had a whole group of friends— and if you asked, no one could find anything bad to say about her. 

“She’s so sweet! She gave me some daisies when I was having a bad day.” 

“(Y/N) helped me study for my math test. I got a 92 because of her.”

“(Y/N) threw a surprise party for my birthday. It was wonderful!” 

Everyone liked her, and she liked everyone. Her eyes were almost always green and yellow— meaning she was happy and excited. 

But one day they weren’t green and yellow. 

-

“Alright, everyone. Your partner for the project is listed on the board. You can get to work.” (Y/N) looked over the list eagerly, excited for the inevitable mountain of work she’d be splitting with someone— it would be a good bonding experience. 

Her eyes scanned the list until she spotted her name. (Y/N) (Y/L/N) & Warren Worthington. 

(Y/N) glanced at him. Warren was pulling books out of his bag, earbuds in. 

I don’t… I don’t know Warren that well. This will be a great opportunity for me. We have lots of mutual friends, so this should be easy. 

“Hi.” 

Warren paused his music and pulled out an earbud, “Hey.” 

“We’re partners.”

“Right, right. Sit down.” She pulled up a chair and set her notebook on the desk. “So I was thinking since we have to talk about a political issue, we could do something that has lots of information available. Women’s rights, climate change, issues with the 1%, the problem with the rising trend of plant-based diets, mutant rights…” Warren didn’t say anything. He just listened. “We don’t have to do anything I listed, they’re just suggestions.” 

“Okay… We could do something on mutant rights. That’s probably the easiest since we’re mutants.” 

(Y/N) nodded, “Yeah, that works with me.” She wrote down their paper topic and the due date in her notebook. “I’m not sure if we’ll get enough time in class to work this week so I’ll give you my number.” Warren got on his phone and opened a new contact.

He held it out to you, “Here, just put it in.” 

You took it from his hands and typed in your name and number. You handed the phone back to him and moments later you got a text from an unknown number.

UNKNOWN: This is Warren. 

(Y/N): Hi! This is (Y/N)

He didn’t text back. “Okay, so I’m gonna make a google doc and share it with you.” Warren nodded. 

(Y/N) had a small, lopsided smile on her face. “You don’t talk much do you?”

“I talk.” 

“Yeah, but— I meant… Never mind.”

Warren raised his eyebrows. He knew exactly what she meant. But people weren’t supposed to like him. Warren was evil and scary. Sure, not as much as he used to be, but the school’s Disney princess didn’t need an interest in him. Jubilee and Jean would just yell at him for it, plus a good 30% of the school shipped her with Kurt, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that. 

As the bell rang, dismissing everyone from their class, Warren noticed (Y/N)’s eyes were slightly different as she left his desk. They had a slight bit of pink to them. 

What does pink mean? 

-

“I think he hates me.” (Y/N) announced as she face-planted onto Jubilee’s bed, letting vines grow and cover her like a blanket. 

“Who?” Jubilee asked. 

“Warren! We’re partners for the history paper thing and he, I dunno— he didn’t seem to want to be my partner.” 

Jubilee looked at her sulking friend, “That’s it?”

“I don’t get it! We’re in the same friend group, we probably have similar interests, and I’ve never been rude to him.” 

“He’s probably just tired. School is stressful, and I’m sure he just doesn’t want more work on top of everything he already has to do. I’m sure you have nothing to do with it.”

(Y/N) groaned into the pillow, “I can’t get a bad grade, and if he doesn’t like me then that makes things awkward in our friend group.”

Jubilee laid next to her, face up. “It’s Warren… he’s… he’s got some trauma and other issues. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually… Not everyone’s going to break down their walls after one conversation.” 

(Y/N) groaned against and wrapped her makeshift leave blanket tight around her body. 

“I’m going to get some food… Please take your vines with you when you leave.”

“Yes, mom.” (Y/N) mumbled.

-

“What’s her motive?” Warren asked Peter. Peter shrugged. “There’s no way she’d be nice to me just to be nice.” 

“I dunno, man. She’s nice to everyone, and I’ve never heard one bad thing about her. She yelled at me and her eyes turned red once, but that’s about it.” He took a bite of his sandwich, “Why do you even care anyway?” 

Kurt and Scott sat down with them, interrupting their conversation. 

“Shh! Not now…” Peter waved them off to make them silent. “Answer my question, Worthington.”

“Cause I’m not a good person. (Y/N) shouldn’t want to try and be my friend. Too many people would get upset about it. Do you know how many people want her to date, Kurt? Tiffany Jones DMed me on Instagram telling me to not ruin that. Tiffany Jones! We’ve never even spoken to each other! I didn’t even know she followed me.” 

Peter held back an eye roll. Warren was a good person, despite his past. Would he ever realize this? Probably not. 

“Okay well, (Y/N) is just kind to everyone. It fits her whole “Mother Nature” vibe she’s got going on. Just don’t be a dick to her and you’ll be fine.”

“She wants to date me?” Kurt asked and his cheeks were slightly violet and flushed. 

“No, Kurt,” Warren interjected. “People want you two to date. It’s like Stranger Things— some people wanted Nancy to date, Johnathan, others wanted her to date, Steve. They shipped her with someone. People do it with you and (Y/N), and it’s kinda weird but to each their own, I guess.” 

“Oh... But why me? Why not you or someone else?”

“Because you’re both liked by everyone, and you’re nice to everyone. I’m like... Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy kid; (Y/N) is a Disney princess. We wouldn’t mix.” 

Peter and Scott tried holding back snickers, as Warren was kinda right. He was a punk emo with daddy issues, and he wasn’t half bad with a drum set.

“Don’t opposites attract?” 

Warren waved him off, “That’s a myth.” 

Kurt shrugged, “Andy and April from Parks and Rec worked out.” 

“They’re fictional, and (Y/N) could date almost any guy here. Why would she want to date me?” 

Silence. “She doesn’t. End of story. She’s just overly nice and I thought for a moment maybe someone was forcing her to be or she like, wanted to sleep with me or something.” Warren shrugged, “I dunno.” 

“You sound like the plot of a Tame Impala song.” Warren threw a grape at Scott’s head, missing him by an inch or so. “Hey! Just because I’m calling you out for obsessing over a girl doesn’t mean you can get mad at me. I could have gotten hurt!” 

“Dude, it’s a grape. Plus you have glasses on. You would have been fine,” Peter said. 

“It’s the matter of the thing.” Peter rolled his eyes at his roommate’s dramatics.

“You know I wouldn’t purposely hurt you.” Warren reminded him. 

“Still… You can’t get mad because a cute girl is being nice to you.” 

“I’m not mad, I’m confused. There’s a difference.” 

Scott nodded mocking him by agreeing, “Uh-huh… And in about a week you’ll be gushing over how amazing she is and how you’d do anything for her, and how you could just watch her do nothing all day.” 

“That’s you. You described yourself.” 

Scott raised his eyebrows as he played with the fry in his hand. “And? I know I’m whipped, I don’t care— You on the other hand…” Warren glared at him. Scott smirked and popped the fry into his mouth. 

“What color were her eyes when you talked to her?” Peter asked.

“I don’t know, uh, green? Aren’t they almost always green?”

Scott nodded, and Peter continued talking. “Yeah, but I was just curious. If she really didn’t want to be nice to you just because then maybe her eyes would have been like brown or something— I dunno. There’s a million different options.”

As Peter was going on and on about (Y/N)’s eyes changing color, Warren’s mind started to drift off to their interaction in class. 

Her eyes were green, but they weren’t pure green… 

“You don’t talk much do you?”

Warren’s eyes met hers, “I talk.” 

“Yeah, but— I meant… Never mind.”

Her eyes were pink. Only for a little while, and Warren almost thought he imagined it— but he didn’t. There was no way. 

But what did pink mean?

“What does it mean if her eyes turn pink? Like a millennial pink sort of.” 

Peter furrowed his brows as he thought for a moment, “You know… I don’t know… I don’t think her eyes have ever turned pink before.”

“Oh.” Warren frowned a little. He was expecting Peter to know, or at least have a vague idea.

-

Warren was showering when his phone dinged. He only had sound on when he wasn’t 100% available, in case of an emergency. 

He held his arm out to grab his phone and keep it from getting wet.

(Y/N): Hey, Warren! 

He sighed, it was just (Y/N). Nothing major. 

Warren: What’s up?

(Y/N): Want to work on the paper together? Ororo ran to the store with Raven so my room is available.

Warren debated for a few seconds whether or not he should go. He didn't have anything else to do, and it wasn’t that late. 

Warren: Sure. I’ll be down in about 20 mins.

(Y/N): *thumbs up emoji*

Warren smiled to himself before finishing his shower.

-

(Y/N) tried to make the room look presentable as possible, which was hard to do with all the plants everywhere— on her side and Ororo’s. 

There was a knock on the door. (Y/N) glanced in the mirror, making sure she didn’t look too frazzled. Then she opened the door to let Warren in.

His hair was damp and he smelt like a vanilla candle, he wore sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. One large enough to hide his wings in, so there were no holes cut in the back. 

“Hi! I hope wasn’t interrupting you or anything…” 

He shut the door behind him, “No, I was just in the shower.” He glanced around the room. Warren had been in it before, most of the time to hang out with Ororo, but he never really paid attention to (Y/N)’s half. Her side of the room was covered in fairy lights and plants. A lot of plants. 

“Sit wherever you want. Just kinda ignore all the plants—“ Some of the vines hanging around her bed moved as she sat down. 

“Okay.” He sat down in the desk chair. 

“So… I got a couple of news articles dealing with mutant rights— one about the adoption laws varying from state to state… another about some of the protests in Chicago due to the girl with gills getting fired from her job…” 

-

Surprisingly, Warren and (Y/N) finished their paper sooner than they thought they would. “I’m gonna send it to Jubilee so she can give criticism since she’s in honors.” 

“Sounds good.” (Y/N) nodded, typing away on her laptop.

Then Warren’s stomach growled. He blushed. 

“Sorry— I didn’t eat after training…”

“You skipped dinner?” 

“Yeah, I wasn’t that hungry and I took a shower. I didn’t really eat lunch either… I’ve been kinda preoccupied—“ 

“What the hell?! You have to eat! Your body needs nutrition! You of all people should know that— you’re like, 90% muscle.” 

“It’s just one time.”

“Doesn’t matter. Come on— we finished our paper. You’re getting something to eat.” 

-

(Y/N) held Warren’s hand as she dragged him into the kitchen. They received a few weird stares, but it didn’t concern her. 

How could Warren be so careless?

“Sit.” She pointed to a bar stool.  “I’ll make something.” Warren nodded and sat down. 

“Do you have any food allergies?” 

“Don’t think so.” 

“Great, I’ll make something basic.” (Y/N) looked through the fridge before settling on the cheese. 

Grilled cheese is easy enough. Plus I can make myself one. 

She turned on a stovetop and put the buttered bread on the pan. 

She grabbed two plates from a cabinet using the vines from her arms— they extended to reach and wrap around the plates and set them on the table. Warren watched in awe. It looked effortless— kind of like when telepaths move things with their mind, they make it seem like anyone could do it.

“Does it take effort? Manipulating plants?” 

(Y/N) shook her head as she set Warren’s sandwich on a plate, and got her’s onto the pan. “Not the vines on my body. Other plants, though, it depends. If I’m just moving a vine or tree branch out of my way, that’s easy, but to have a sapling grow into a fully formed oak tree? That takes a bit more energy. Sometimes in my sleep I accidentally cause plants to grow— I’ll wake up next to an apple tree, or even a pumpkin or watermelon.”

“Really?” He was surprised. 

“Yeah. Also, the weather can affect me too. If it’s sunny out and the plants are thriving, I’m usually more awake and can do more without feeling weak, but if it’s cold and cloudy or even snowing, it takes a bit more effort.” 

(Y/N)’s eyes were a vibrant green and yellow, you could tell she was excited to tell someone about her mutation. She looked genuinely happy to talk about it. 

“That’s really cool. I didn’t know you could do all that.” 

He swore her eyes flashed a bit of pink again, but it could have been the lighting. 

“No one really asks… and besides, you can’t really use plants in the danger room.”

“I bet you could…” Warren offered.  “If you found a way.” 

She glanced down at her sandwich, “Maybe…” 

“Can I ask you something else?”

She looked up and nodded. Her eyes definitely had some pink now. Warren didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to ask. 

“What’s up with you and Kurt?” 

“Oh— Oh, um, I mean it’s nothing.” Her eyes were purple as she spoke, “People started some rumors after I helped Xavier as his TA for Kurt’s English class, and no one wanted to read for Juliet so I read for her and people decided to ship us. We’re not actually dating.” 

“That was a while back… people still haven’t let that go?” 

She shook her head, “Plus, people think ‘Oh, Kurt’s so innocent, and (Y/N) is too. They’d make a great couple.’ Which is dumb because guys and girls can be similar and just be friends.”

“Yeah, but a lot of people want you guys together. I had a girl DM me on Instagram to not get in the way of it.” 

(Y/N)‘s eyes widened in surprise, “What? Why?” 

“I dunno. I guess she thought I’d pull off some like, fuckboy moves or something.” 

“But you’re not a fuckboy! You haven’t even dated anyone since you came to school here— and I know that’s by choice. There’s at least twenty girls here who’d love to have your tongue down their throat.” 

Warren blinked at her bluntness. He was not expecting that. “I mean… you’re not wrong…” He had a faint idea of who some of the girls were, but he figured ignorance was bliss. If he knew for sure who they were, Warren wasn’t sure he could look them in the eyes. 

He cleared his throat, “Well, there’s a good number of guys interested in you… why aren’t you dating one of them?”

“I don’t want to. I mean sure, there’s tons of cute guys, but I just don’t think it would work out. Plus, too many people would kill them if they weren’t Kurt,” (Y/N) joked. 

Warren smiled, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He got up, carrying his plate to the sink. 

“I’ve also never had a boyfriend before.” 

He looked at her, curious. “That can’t be true. You’ve never had a boyfriend before?” 

“Nope. I’ve kissed people before and stuff… but, I dunno…”

“Having high standards isn’t a bad thing… Guys can be dumb as shit sometimes.” 

(Y/N) laughed, “Trust me, I know.” 

Warren rose an eyebrow while setting (Y/N)’s plate into the sink. 

“Scott, a  prime example of a dumb boy in a relationship.” 

Warren snickered, “Super smart but dumb as shit check!” 

(Y/N) shook her head, pretending to be disappointed but she had a smile on her face, “God we’re so mean.” 

“A little, but it’s Scott… a little harmless teasing won’t hurt.”

“I guess so.” 

Warren washed his hands and dried them with a towel. “Wanna go back up to my room? Or do something else?... It’s only 7:00.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

-

Peter and Kurt were in Warren’s room, which he shared with Kurt, when he entered with (Y/N). 

“And where have you two been?” Peter asked, pretending to act like a stern and concerned parent. 

“We finished our paper and I made grilled cheese.” 

“Grilled cheese, huh? No… ulterior motives?” Peter dragged out, just to tease Warren about his disconcerts from before. Warren flipped him off while (Y/N) wasn’t looking. 

“What have you guys been up to?” (Y/N) asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor. 

“Not much. Jubilee asked us to help her organize the third grader’s field trip to the zoo for extra credit from McCoy.” 

“Oh my gosh— I said I’d help her with that—“ (Y/N) looked at her phone and mumbled a curse. “I ignored her message…”

“Just tell her you were busy, I’m sure she won’t mind.” Warren shrugged.

“But I feel bad for ignoring her, plus the extra credit—“ 

“That you don’t need. Don’t feel bad, Jubilee forgets to respond to stuff all the time.” Warren walked over to his closet. “Are you gonna be okay if I take my shirt off?” 

(Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock and confusion, “Why— What— What, why are you stripping?” 

She was sure her eyes were fully purple, I mean, come on! What kind of random question is ‘Are you okay with me taking my shirt off?’ Plus they were in Warren’s bedroom!

“I just don’t want to keep my wings restrained if I don’t have to… I usually don’t in my room, I’m shirtless most of the time.” 

(Y/N)’s eyes flashed magenta for a moment as the thought of a shirtless Warren flashed through her brain for a second. She cleared her throat.

“Yeah, go ahead. I don’t mind.” He nodded and removed his hoodie off, tossing it on his desk chair.

“Well, Kurt…” Peter awkwardly spoke up.  “I think Jubilee wanted our help with the field trip… And with some other stuff…” 

“Vhat?” 

“Remember?” He asked, motioning to (Y/N) and Warren with his eyes. 

“Oh! Oh Yeah! Ve… Ve gotta go.” Kurt waved. 

“Have fun, you guys!” Peter grabbed Kurt’s hand and they disappeared with a puff of smoke. 

“Do they think— because we’re not— I don’t— You don’t—“

“Relax, (Y/N).” Warren chuckled. “That’s just Peter being Peter.” 

“I suppose so…” She grew a flower in the palm of her hand and picked at the petals. 

Warren plopped down next to her, “What do you want to do?” 

She shrugged, “I’m not sure… We could… We could play never have I ever.”

Warren scoffed, “Never have I ever, with only two people?” 

“It’s fun. More... intimate. Ororo and I used to do it a lot when she had trouble sleeping her first few nights here.” 

“Are you trying to sleep with me?” He teased.

“What? No! No, no… Why are you laughing?”

“I was just joking. And you’re reaction was funny. Like we’d ever sleep together.”

She glanced at him, in a bit of disbelief of what he said. “Hmm?” 

“I don’t think— Never mind.”

(Y/N) nodded awkwardly, trying to make herself not feel awkward. She didn’t want to make the situation weird, “I’ll start the game. Never have I ever ditched class.” 

“I have.”

“I know, Jubilee tells me when you two skip to go thrift shopping or to the music store downtown.” 

“You should join us sometime— Never have I ever cheated on a test.” 

“I did once. One time! In third grade, I wasn’t sure how to spell vacuum so I looked at the girl next to me and copied what she put.” 

Warren faked a gasp, “You trouble maker!” 

“It was third grade!” (Y/N) tried to be defensive, but couldn’t hide the smile adorning her face as Warren teased. “My turn. Never have I ever… never have I ever… had a crush on a friend’s significant other.” 

Warren hesitated with his answer. He didn’t really want to tell (Y/N). He didn’t have a crush anymore, and the girl knew— but her boyfriend didn’t. If he found out, Warren was dead meat.

“Who was it?”

“What?”

“The girl you had a crush on…”

“I don’t have a crush on anyone.”

“You were slow at answering. If you didn’t like anyone you wouldn’t need time to answer.” 

Warren shot a dirty look at (Y/N). “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just curious—“

“Can we just forget it? She knows, and I don’t like her anymore.” 

“Yeah, yeah… It’s uh, it’s your turn.” 

Warren didn’t say anything.

“You can ask me whatever you want. No matter how personal it seems.” 

“Alright… Are you a virgin?”

I did say he could ask me anything… Plus I did ask him a really personal question… “Yeah.” 

“Oh…” Duh! She’s never had a boyfriend before. What kind of question was that, dumbass?

“I’ve never been in a relationship or had sex— I’m not a prude though, I’ve kissed people before. At like, spin the bottle at a party or something.” 

“I respect that… Relationships are messy and honestly sometimes don’t seem worth it.”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) nodded, fiddling with another flower she grew. “Kissing isn’t that great anyway.”

Warren involuntarily licked his lips, “What do you mean?” 

“It’s either too short and awkward and you bump noses, or like, there’s too much force and pressure to it and the other person collides their teeth with your lips.” 

“Jesus! Who are you kissing?”

(Y/N) chuckles darkly and shakes her head, “You don’t want to know.” 

Warren smiled, “Yikes.” 

They both laughed together. 

When the laughter died down, Warren asked the dumbest question possible. 

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was quiet, soft— different from how it was moments before.

“What?”

“I’ve been told I’m a good kisser…” He awkwardly explained. “I could show you… Change your mind?”

“Change my mind?”

“It could stay between us… It doesn’t even need to have any meaning behind it.” Warren scooted himself so he was sitting face to face from (Y/N). He looked up at her eyes trying to figure out what she was thinking. Her eyes flashed from yellow to pink, then purple. He wasn’t sure what the colors all meant. He made a mental note to learn what they all stood for. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

She nodded, “Change my mind.” 

Warren cupped her face in his hand. “Are you really sure about this?”

“Yeah…”

“Alright.” Warren tilted his head to the left a little, to prevent his nose from bumping into (Y/N)’s. He pressed his lips gently against hers. Warren used his other hand to cup the rest of her face. Their lips moved together in perfect motion. A warm feeling formed in Warren’s stomach, and he carefully removed his lips from (Y/N)’s.

It was rather brief, but enough to show (Y/N) what she’d been missing. 

“Wow…” Her eyes were pinker than before. Warren’s face was flushed, but he ignored it. 

“Wow?”

“Yeah, um… wow. That was… That was nice.” 

“Mhmm…” Warren wasn’t sure what to say. Yeah, he was a good kisser, but the kiss didn’t mean anything. It was just showing (Y/N) that not everyone sucks at kissing. The pink in her eyes just meant she was flustered and nothing else.  She wasn’t going to crush on Warren, and he wasn’t going to crush on her. 

-

(Y/N) left after that. She didn’t know what to do. She’d heard rumors about Warren— saying he was a player, a heartthrob, didn’t care about anyone but himself— (Y/N) couldn’t find that to be true. Sure, if she caught feelings she would get hurt because Warren didn’t like her back… but he wasn’t an asshole. 

She sighed, slipping into pajamas. It was easy for everyone else, (Y/N) had no complications with anyone else, everyone liked her and she liked them. She’d only gotten mad at someone once and it was Peter… but Warren… Warren was different. 

Something drew (Y/N) in, and she couldn’t figure out what. Perhaps, despite their differences, they could be good friends. 

As she got under her covers, she sprouted some poppies to help her sleep. 

-

The paper was a huge success! Warren and (Y/N) got a 98% on it. 

“We should celebrate!” 

“What for? You did most of the work.” 

“That’s not true, and besides, I’ve had a tiresome week and I want to relax.” 

Warren shrugged, “Sure. What’d you have in mind?” 

-

“Why are we in the attic?” 

“I thought we could watch a movie or something. Ororo and I have been using it as a greenhouse of sorts, but we haven’t grown enough plants yet.” 

“Yet?!” Warren gaped. The attic was like 80% plant, 20% building, and here (Y/N) was, saying there’s no such thing as too many plants.

She smiled, setting down her laptop and some blankets, “Duh!” (Y/N) messed with her laptop for a few minutes before pulling up Netflix. 

“You can pick something out.” 

“Anything?” (Y/N) nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” She was off to the side, messing with a plant. “If you don’t see anything you like, I have Hulu too.”

“Netflix is fine.” 

(Y/N) came back and sat next to Warren. “Find something good?”

“Uh, yeah— yeah.” She peered over his shoulder to see.

“Ooo! The Addam’s family! I love that movie.”

“I haven’t seen it since I was a kid. I barely remember the plot.” 

“Oh, it’s so good! You’re gonna love it.” 

(Y/N) pressed play and got comfortable under the covers. Warren did the same. 

-

The movie was good. Warren really enjoyed it. 

“What’d you think?” (Y/N) was excited in asking him. 

“It was good! Like, really good.”

“Yeah! I really liked Gomez and Morticia and their relationship, even if it is unrealistic… Also for the 90s, the effects for Thing were really good!” Warren nodded, slightly frowning when she talked about Gomez and Morticia’s relationship. 

Is that really what she thinks? Is that why she’s single? 

Why— Why do I even care?! It’s not like I like her or anything.

“Yeah, yeah… We should uh, get going—“ He glanced at the laptop, “—before people ask where we are.” 

“Right! Right… I can get it, no biggie.”

“Sure you don’t want any help?” (Y/N) shook her head. Warren couldn’t help but notice she had a shift in demeanor. Her eyes were fully purple, with pink slowly fading around the pupil. He kept quiet and followed (Y/N) out of the attic.

“Are you going to the mall Friday?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah.” Scott wanted the group to do something fun for once— plus it was one of the few options Xavier approved of. “Are you?”

“Uh-huh. Peter suggested we go see a movie or something.”

“Yeah, that could be fun. Scott will wanna hit up the arcade but that’s typical.”

They stopped at her door— (Y/N) obviously struggled to open it due to the unwieldy stuff in her arms. “Here— I got it,” Warren opened the door and let her go forward. 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem. I’ll see you later.” 

“You’re leaving?” Warren felt his chest ache, but he dismissed it as nothing. He ate at Five Guys with Jubilee and Kurt the other day. 

“Yeah, I have some homework… Sorry…” 

“You’re okay. I’ll… see you later.” 

Warren smiled and said, “Bye,” before shutting the door behind him. When he was gone, (Y/N) sat down and leaned against the door and sighed. 

She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t know what to do or what to say— she wanted to kiss him again. 

No— You can’t kiss him. Warren doesn’t like you. 

She pushed the dirty thought aside and flopped onto her bed, covering herself in ivy to lay and let the sun come through the window.

-

Warren was in Hank’s lab, just for a medical update. Alex was there as well, as he’s never too far away from Hank. 

“Any trouble with your wings?”

“Not really. The feathers grow back metal and they’re heavy. They’re easier to clean than my old ones, but I sometimes miss a spot.”

Hank nodded, skimming some papers. “Do you want someone to help you clean your wings?”

“No! No way,” Warren rose his voice defensively. “I’m not comfortable.” 

“Maybe if you had a boyfriend or girlfriend to help out,” Alex offered. 

Warren rolled his eyes, “Well, I don’t have one and there’s no one here I want to date anyway.” 

Alex smiled to himself, “You mean there’s no one here who you think likes you, so you pretend to not be interested.” 

“Since when did you become my psychiatrist?” Warren squinted.

“Since your movie date.” 

Hank glanced at Alex for a moment before going back to his paperwork, “What movie date?”

“The one he and (Y/N) had yesterday—“

“It wasn’t a date. She just wanted to hang out some more since we finished our paper for English.”

“Mhmm…” Alex didn’t believe it. 

“I’m serious! We are literally in the same friend group, we’re going to hang out together.”

“What Peter’s been telling me is different.”

 Warren almost scoffed in disbelief, “You’re really going to trust Peter over me on this?”

“No, but Peter told me you asked what it means when her eyes turn pink.” 

Hank stopped his work and was fully listening to the blondes argue— “(Y/N)’s eyes have never been pink before, well, not many shades of pink. What was it?” 

“Um… It was only for a moment,” Warren mumbled.  “It could have been the lighting or whatever…”

“No, no, this is really important. I like to keep a note of what each of her colors mean. Even if you just saw her eyes flash, I need to know when, why, and what shade of pink.”

“It’s happened a few times, but never for very long… it’s usually a millennial pink… Um, I don’t think it’s happened around anyone else before because no one else knew what I was talking about when I asked…” 

“How often have her eyes turned pink? What were you guys doing when they turned pink?”

Warren thought back to all the times he swore her eyes turned pink. Nothing huge… Just when we were in class or whenever we’ve hung out this week. Nothing too special— Oh. 

Warren realized something. Something he maybe shouldn’t have. 

Her eyes were fully pink when we kissed… I— I can’t tell Hank and Alex that! They wouldn’t understand and they’d think we’re into each other. Which we are not… Well, I don’t think I’m into (Y/N), but now I’m not sure if she likes me or not.

“Just during class, when we’re alone, just like, whenever we’ve hung out this week. I don’t think it means anything really.” 

“You never know, Warren.” 

He nodded, “Right, right… Am I uh, am I free to go?”

“Yeah, you’re fine, you’re wings are fine. You can access your medical file if you want the details.” 

“Great. Thank you.” Warren hopped off the bed and walked out. 

-

What am I going to do?! (Y/N) might like me! Now I have to put in effort and not seem like a total burnout around her. She’s got high expectations and standards and I’m fucked!

Wait… Warren sat there, confused. Why did he care if (Y/N) liked him?

If I accidentally break her heart, everyone will actually kill me and... I kind of give a shit for once. That’s all…

Warren got his phone out and opened his messages. He opened his conversation with (Y/N). The last thing she sent him was an old picture of Alex she found in the library. 

He typed out hey, ready to send it, but his thumb hovered over the little arrow. What would he even say to her? What if she didn’t respond? What if she actually hated him and that’s what the pink meant? He turned his phone off and set it on his bed. Warren flopped onto his mattress and buried his face into his pillow. 

-

(Y/N) was studying with the other girls. They were reviewing for McCoy’s bio test and she was busy writing down answers for her study guide. 

“Who’s going to the mall Friday?” Jubilee asked out of the blue. 

Jean started listing off people, “Scott, Peter, Kurt, us—“ 

“Warren’s going! He told me,” (Y/N) spoke up. 

“He is?” Jubilee asked. “He didn’t say anything to me.” 

“I asked him yesterday.” (Y/N) had a smile on her face. 

“When?” Ororo got out a pack of gum and offered Jean a piece. 

“We were up in the attic watching a movie.”

Jubilee eyed her, “You guys did what?” 

“We just watched the Addams family. Warren and I are friends.” (Y/N)’s tone was slightly defensive. 

“Your eyes are pink,” Jean stated. 

“What?” (Y/N) quickly looked at herself using her phone’s front camera. “Oh my god—it’s— they’ve— they’ve never been pink before. I don’t know what—“

“Think for two seconds. Who are we talking about?”

Jean! I don’t— I don’t like Warren! Not as a boyfriend. He’s not my boyfriend and he doesn’t want to date anyone.

She smirked. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“I just really like the fact we’re friends now. That’s all. I’m not in love with him or anything…”

What if my subconscious does love Warren? I doubt it. I think I would know if I was in love. 

“And anyway, it’s just a coincidence. They’ve never been pink before so I’m sure finally being friends with Warren just—“

“They’ve been pink before,” Ororo spoke up.

(Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock. “What? When?” 

“I don’t know when exactly, but Peter told me Warren was asking about it a few days ago.” 

(Y/N) was trying not to freak out. “Why was he asking?”

“Didn’t say, but I bet he saw your eyes flash pink or something.” 

“Oh my god…” (Y/N) was horrified. Warren knew. He knew! He knew how she felt and he would probably never speak to her again or break her heart and (Y/N) couldn’t live with either of those options. She didn’t want the first person she’d ever had a real crush on to find out. Warren didn’t want to date anyone! He told her this, right before they kissed in his bedroom… 

(Y/N) buried her face in her hands and groaned. She didn’t know what to do— by this time tomorrow, everyone would know she likes Warren. The embarrassment, the rejection, the humiliation, the—

“Hey, babe. Here’s your textbook you left in my room.” 

(Y/N) looked up and saw Scott giving a book back to Jean. She looked at his face. 

Of course! Scott wears glasses all the time so it’s harder to know what he’s thinking!

“Scott—” 

He turned to face (Y/N). “Yeah?”

“Do you have a spare pair of glasses?”

“Um… I just have my visor. Why are you asking?” 

She waved him off, “Never mind. Jubilee, can I borrow your sunglasses?”

“Sure, why?” 

“I need to cover my eyes. Just for a while. Until this whole, “pink eye” thing stops happening.” 

“Pink eye?” Scott asked, furrowing his brows.

“It’s— It’s nothing, trust me. Warren and I are becoming closer and I’m just happy.”

“Your eyes turn pink when you’re around Warren?” Scott was trying to hide his emotions, for his mind was zooming with thoughts.

“And when we talk about him,” Jubilee teased. 

“You know,” Scott pondered,  “He was asking about that the other day…” 

(Y/N) tensed. Warren had to know. There was no way he didn’t. “He was?” 

“Yeah. What does it mean?”

“It means—”

“—It means,” Jubilee cut her off, “(Y/N)’s got a thing for Warren.”

(Y/N) shook her head, “I do not!” 

“Yeah, you do,” Ororo said offhandedly.  

“It doesn’t matter, okay? I just need some sunglasses to hide my eyes so people don’t know what I’m feeling all the time. Have you ever thought maybe I don’t like being an open book?” The last sentence came out harsher than expected. Everyone was shocked, how could (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the flower child, be so angry? 

(Y/N) looked down, embarrassed from raising her voice, “I didn’t mean to snap at you guys…”

Jubilee spoke over her, “It’s okay. I’ll get you my sunglasses.” 

-

Everything was darker, but that was the purpose of sunglasses, to block out the sun. (Y/N) didn’t mind much, but it was sometimes hard to read text on the board and her eyes hurt by the third period. 

“How do you do this every day?” She asked Scott as they walked down the halls to their next class. 

“I don’t have a choice.” 

“Oh…” (Y/N) glances down at her feet wide-eyed with guilt. “Right…”

“I know you’re doing it for other reasons, but I think it’s cool you’re wearing sunglasses all day. I don’t feel alone.” 

“I can— I can still see color though.” 

“Yeah, but not as well. Sometimes I feel lonely when everyone talks about colors— the sunset, the fruit at the grocery store— hell, I even miss seeing the green grass! The grass!” 

“That must be hard.” (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel pity, even though she knew that Scott didn’t want it. “I don’t think I could ever imagine living in just red…” 

“Sometimes…” Scott sheepishly began, “Jean uses her powers and I can see color for a little bit, but it’s from her point of view, and it’s hard for her. She can only do it for a minute or two, and I don’t want to hurt her.” 

“Aww,” (Y/N) cooed. “You’re so sweet.” 

“Shut up!” A blush covered Scott’s cheeks and he got quiet for a moment. 

“So you and Warren, huh?” 

(Y/N) groaned, “Why am I talking about this with you?”

“Because I’m your only guy friend in a relationship,” Scott offered up as a question. 

She huffed. Scott was right. “Fair point… It’s just… I don’t know… I don’t think he likes me back—which is fine— I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable when he finds out I like him.” 

Scott furrowed his eyebrows, “When he finds out?”

“Pink eyes,” (Y/N) deadpanned. “remember?” 

“Right, right… but how do you know he doesn’t like you back?” 

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “We can’t have a telepath in our relationship.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Jean probably knew you liked her the whole time before you dated.” 

“Hold on! She never read my mind— we made a promise—“

(Y/N) crosses her arms and stopped for a moment, “Mmhmm. All I’m saying is, there’s no mind reader between me and Warren. I can’t tell, and he doesn’t know yet… besides, he told me himself, we wouldn’t work out. We’re too different, and too many people want me to date, Kurt…” 

“Opposites attract.” 

“No, they don’t… At least that’s what Warren said…”

“Okay, listen— Warren is the dumbest person I know.”

(Y/N)’s mouth gaped, “Warren’s not dumb, he’s in two AP classes and speaks multiple languages.”

“What—“ Scott squinted,  “What does that have to do with anything?” 

“You said Warren was dumb. I said he wasn’t.” (Y/N) awkwardly crossed her arms. 

“What I meant was, Warren’s being stupid. Thinking he’s not good enough for anyone, how he thinks he’s too punk for you. It’s obvious!”

“What is?” 

“Warren likes you.”

-

(Y/N) stood there, in shock. She didn’t know what to do. 

Warren liked her. Allegedly. 

“How— How do you know that?”

“You can just tell. It’s obvious.”

Maybe… “Oh…” 

A teacher down the hall scolded some students for loitering in the hall. “We better get to class,” Scott motioned to the kids with his head. 

“Um, yeah. We should get going…” (Y/N)’s eyes flashed to purple.

-

Warren saw (Y/N) in the afternoon. She had on sunglasses, and her hair was slightly messy. She looked hungover, but Warren knew that wasn’t her, partying her nights away, (Y/N) was the perfect princess— and Warren? Warren was John Bender from the breakfast club, except he wasn’t in a John Hughes movie, and he didn’t get the girl and have a half-assed happy ending. 

But back to (Y/N). 

“Hey, Shades.” 

“Hi.” She was curt. Did Warren do something wrong?

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah!” She seemed nervous.  “Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“You’re wearing sunglasses…” He pointed out. “Inside…” 

“Yeah?.... I’m just… I just…” She struggled to come up with an answer. 

“Hungover?” Warren suggested. 

“Pfft… No. I don’t… I don’t really…”

Warren nodded, “Right, right. I don’t really either, but I used to so…”

“I’m trying to hide my eyes.” 

Warren turned face to face with (Y/N), blinking in surprise. 

“Why?”

“Reasons…” 

“What kind of reasons?”

“I just don’t want people to read me like a book…” (Y/N) was lying. Partially. 

“Oh… I mean, not everyone knows what your eye colors mean.”

“Most people do. And if they don’t they ask.” 

Warren winced. She knew he asked about the pink eyes. She was going to think of him as some nosy, pitiful, boy with daddy issues.  “People are gonna think you’re hungover.”

“Three already asked.” 

Warren smiled to himself, he found it almost funny. “Why’re you trying to hide your emotions?”

“I like someone.” 

The three words froze in his mind. 

(Y/N) liked someone. Someone who was normal, probably. Someone the student body approved up. Somebody who hasn’t killed people and looks like a nightmare. 

“Oh.” 

He couldn’t see the concern in her eyes when his face obviously fell. 

“Yeah. I’ll um, I’ll see you later.”

Warren nodded awkwardly, “Yeah. See you later…”

-

The mall trip was awkward. (Y/N) had her glasses on still and half of her friends didn’t know why, and Warren was sulking because of (y/N)’s mystery lover.

“So, (Y/N)...” Peter drawled out. “What’s with the sunglasses? You trying to copy Scott?” 

She laughed a little at his joke. “Not really…” Peter raised his eyebrows, silently pressing for details. “I just don’t want people to see my eyes. That’s all.”

“Why? Is it because they’re… pink?”

Damnit, Peter! Warren cursed to himself. You had to bring it up. Rub it in my face that the Princess found her Prince Charming. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” (Y/N) glanced at Warren for a moment as he listened to Jubilee ramble on about some girl she met at a thrift store. 

“Why?... Because you’re in looove?” 

(Y/N) swatted his arm. “I am not!” 

“Oh, but I know that's not true.” Peter pouted and bat his eyes. 

“Fuck off.” 

“Woah! Didn’t know Snow White knew such naughty words.” 

Warren grimaced,  Peter was pushing her buttons and Warren wanted to strangle him, but he wasn’t that guy anymore. 

Borderline mullet, feathery white wings, and an adrenaline rush with the ability to punch everyone within five feet in front of him. 

Now he was a gang looking member, with trauma, and recovering from bad habits. Don’t mention that he was in love with Mother Nature.

Warren was so lost in his own words that he didn’t even notice Peter and (Y/N) bickering. 

“Stop it—“ 

The glasses fell. And then the unexpected happened. 

Jubilee stepped on the sunglasses. They cracked under her heel. 

“Oh shit! Aw, man!” Jubilee didn’t even care, they were her glasses. She got them at five below for three dollars two years ago. Jubilee picked up the broken shades and looked them over. 

“Oh well. They were cheap anyway.” Jubilee tossed the remains in the trash and didn’t even give it a second thought. 

Warren looked at (Y/N) and they made eye contact. Her eyes flashed purple, maroon, and they settled on pink. Full-on rose gold, soft-blushing pink. 

There were flowers in her hair and they retracted into buds— a defense mechanism— she was scared, but wouldn’t break away from him. 

Everyone looked at them like one looks at a car wreck or a burning building. 

Warren glared at them. “Alright, um, let’s go to Barnes and Noble…” Jubilee dragged everyone away, leaving Warre and (Y/N) behind. 

“Were you hiding your feelings from me?” 

She nodded, “I didn’t want you to know, though.”

It finally all clicked in Warren’s mind. She wanted to hide her emotions from him because she was into him, and everything he said about them “not being compatible, people don’t ship us, the kiss was only platonic”. “I get it.” 

“I want you, but I…” 

“I made up bullshit to push you away because I was scared… You’re way out of my league and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t care…” She stepped closer to him. “I’d kiss you right now, but we’re in public…” Warren quickly cupped (Y/N)’s face and left a peck on her lips. 

Even a quick kiss from Warren was better than anything from a boy at a crappy house party.

“Do you want to go to find our friends?”

“Yeah, yeah. We probably should.” 

-

Warren wasn’t sure at what point her hand slipped into his and held on, but he didn’t move away either. 

Something in one of the shop windows caught his eye though. 

It was a book. Titled, Olympus Gods or something. It made a light go off in Warren’s mind, but he couldn’t figure it out. 

What, why does— Then he saw a Harry Potter toy. The three-headed dog, Fluffy or something. 

Who else had a three-headed dog? 

“Hades…” 

“Hmm?” She looked at Warren with confusion. 

“Hades and Persephone— plant goddess and goth guy.” 

She got the hint right away, and nudged his arm with her elbow, “Dork.” 

Warren blushed, “Yeah, yeah… just shut up,” He joked.

[ceo-of-daichi]

Characters - Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader

Summary - Lockdown had really affected your social life and daily routine, luckily a certain someone was willing to help you get your life back to somewhat normal. What will happen when you start catching feelings?

Genre - Fluff

Warnings - Slight mentions of anxiety 

Word Count - 2.3k

A/N - Back again with another Daichi fic! Are you surprised, probably not i got a one man mind lmao. This one isn’t as long as the last but still as fluffy, hopefully you enjoy reading it :) p.s. this was almost called Toothpaste I blame Jas👀

Covid-19 had really flipped your year in a completely different direction to what you were expecting. You started the year hoping to finish your last year of high-school on a high, helping the volleyball team get to nationals and getting into university. However, the world clearly had a different plan for you, when the virus first started you didn’t think much of it. Why would you? It was only when the announcement came that the country was going into lockdown that your brain finally registered what was actually happening. Being the slightly more extroverted individual you thrived off seeing your friends, plus both your parents worked as nurses. You were going to be alone.

The first few weeks went by pretty fast, managing to keep up a routine by going out for runs and making yourself eat at certain times. Even keeping in touch with your friends from the boys volleyball team as well as Kiyoko, one of your closest friends. However, after this fairly stable period you had a really bad day. Nothing went your way, blender… broken, guess you weren't having a smoothie this morning. After that frustrating incident Tanaka and Noya decided to start poking fun at you in the group chat, which you were NOT in the mood for. Group chat… Muted. It was also raining extremely heavy so you decided maybe a well deserved rest day was in order, throwing on the TV you flopped down on the couch to start your film marathon.

5am. That was the time it was when you finally passed out on the couch. How did you end up staying up that late, Harry Potter. Why you thought it was a good idea to start watching the films you don’t know, but you managed to watch them all, all 19 hours of them. That was all it took to mess your routine up for the next month, not waking up till 2-3pm everyday just to lounge around. Barely keeping in touch with anyone, you hadn’t talked in the groupchat for close to 3 weeks, hardly even thinking about eating anything but snacks. 

Luckily you had a saving grace, Daichi. After going MIA , the third year’s started to get worried about you, especially Kiyoko. She had dmed you multiple times and got nothing in return, mainly because you saw the messages but forgot to reply. You were a whole ass mess to put it plainly. 

~ 3rd Years Group Chat ~

Kiyoko - I’m worried about [y/n]...

Suga - Tell me about it, she hasn’t been in the chat for weeks

Daichi - Have you tried dming her?

Kiyoko - She is ignoring me, she hasn’t replied to one of my messages

Asahi - Maybe she’s just busy?

Daichi - In the middle of lockdown…

Suga - Yeah thats unlikely

Kiyoko - Can one of you dm her as well? I just want to make sure she’s ok?

Daichi - I can... i’ll let you know if she replies and if she doesn’t Asahi or Suga can try

Having received a concerned message from Daichi, you realised how much you had lost track of everything and anything. Replying to both him and Kiyoko apologising and explaining you had just forgotten to press send. Although Daichi wanted to believe that was the case he couldn’t, instead of being upfront about it though he started messaging you throughout the day. Just small things asking if you had eaten and if you were staying hydrated, little did he know that this helped you get back into a better rhythm of lockdown life.

You slowly fixed your sleep schedule and got back to eating 3 meals a day. Although you hadn’t managed to get back into running, your talks with Daichi slowly got more frequent and for longer periods of time. The more you talked to him the more motivated you started to feel, eventually you got back into your running routine. It no longer became the odd message to make sure you were eating, but full day conversations about anything you could think of. Eventually you started relying on talking to him to cure your lockdown loneliness, a day without talking to him was not a good day for you. Daichi being the fairly observant person that he is, started to realise and eventually bought it up.

Daichi :) - Hey [y/n], I've been meaning to bring something up with you, you mind if we call?

[y/n] - Yeah sure Dai, just call me whenever i don’t exactly have anything going on

Receiving this was like a bullet to the chest, worrying what it could be about you pulled your knees up to your chest steadying your breathing. As you were lost in your head, your phone started ringing. Answering it you heard his voice for the first time in close to 3 months, it was music to your ears. Slowly over these 2 months you had grown fond of the boy, but you had quickly dismissed the idea of anything forming between each other. Both having different priorities in life, being scared of rejection also didn’t help.

After an hour and a half of deep conversation, a couple tears shed but more laughter at the end. You collapsed backwards onto your bed, he had found out everything. How your parents were barely home, always doing long shifts at the hospital, how you felt like you had no one during those 3 weeks you were MIA. Most importantly though you had confessed that talking to him was like receiving a warm hug. It's exactly what you needed at this time, obviously you would love an actual hug as well but that's pretty hard from a 2m distance.

~ 1 week later ~

Your eyes went wide as they announced on the news that lockdown was starting to be lifted, you were now allowed to meet up with people outside at a safe distance. Smiling you quickly messaged Daichi telling him how excited you were that restrictions were finally being lifted.  

Daichi :) - That's Great [y/n]!! So.. you fancy going on a socially distanced pic-nic tomorrow? Don’t worry about bringing anything but yourself. I got the rest covered, obviously if you're ok with that?😃

Reading the text over multiple times, pinching yourself to make sure it was real. You hadn’t seen Daichi in close to 3 months, and within that time you had developed feelings. What would it be like seeing him in person now, generally being awkward with past crushes, you started to worry about scaring him away. You couldn’t do that, you needed him. Taking a couple paces around the room thinking about what to reply, before realising you were most definitely overthinking it. He didn’t see you that way…

[y/n] - Yeah sure! Just let me know a time and place, i will be there

Daichi - 1pm at the park round the corner from your house?

[y/n] - See you there!! 

The next morning you woke up with a huge smile plastered on your face, excited for the day ahead. Jumping out of bed and rummaging through your wardrobe you pulled out a cute summer dress, not too dressy but showed you put effort in none the less. The summer dress was red and was covered in little white flowers, you had only worn it a couple times and decided it needed another outing.

Walking down your road and around the corner to the park, the wind hitting your face made you feel like maybe the world was getting back to normal. As you walked through the gates, you noticed Daichi stood over by a slightly more wooded area, smiling as you made your way over to him. Greeting each other you forgot how much his laugh and smile made it seem like nothing else mattered, making your heart beat faster in your chest. He ended up leading you through the woods and into a small opening which had 2 picnic blankets laid down at the appropriate distance. As you got closer you noticed that there were sandwiches, fruit and small cakes on both.

‘You didn’t have to do this Daichi you know? A simple sandwich would have been fine?’ You started smiling at him, no one had ever gone to this much effort for you and honestly you felt bad. ‘It must have taken you a bit to set this up…’

‘Oh no, honestly don’t worry about it… i wanted to, neither have been out in a while so i figured why not?’ The laugh that came out sounded almost nervous, which confused you slightly… Was he really as nervous as you?

The afternoon went by quicker than both of you wanted. Chatting, cracking jokes and eating, which the food Daichi had made was really good. You had asked why he had never told you about his clear culinary skills, apparently this was the first time he had attempted something like this. Trying not to get too far ahead of yourself when he had mentioned this, even though you were freaking out. Mainly chatting about quarantine life and how you missed being out of lockdown, being able to socialise freely and do whatever you wanted. 

You only realised how long you had been with Daichi when it started to get dark, letting him know you should probably be getting back. Even though in reality you could have stayed there for the rest of the night and into the early morning. Helping him pack everything up  occasionally sneaking glances at him, wishing you could pull him into a hug or give him a peck on the cheek. Just to let him know how much he had helped you over the past month. Sadly you couldn’t, once everything had been packed away Daichi (being the gentleman that he is) offered to walk you back.

‘I had a really good afternoon, thank you for this Daichi…’ Smiling at him as you walk up to your front door.

‘Would you want to do something like this again maybe?’ The way he looked at you, his eyes almost pleading, with a slight smile gracing his lips. This made your heart instantly melt.

‘If you want to? I would love that!’

‘[y/n]... why would i ask if i didn’t want to?’ Raising a brow at you playfully.

‘Shut up you dork, i’ll see you soon then!’ Laughing as you walk through your door giving him a wave before closing it and sliding down it on the other side, trying to calm your heart that was about to burst through your chest.

Another couple weeks past, you had only met up with Daichi once more, but both were still texting all day with the occasional call. You also had met up with Kiyoko within these weeks, explaining your situation. She thought it was really funny how much you were worrying about it because to her it seemed obvious that he returned your feelings. You were still completely denying this fact though, it was something your brain really couldn’t fathom. However, the next day lockdown was reduced once again, you were now allowed to have people in your house from other families. 

Being as excitable as you were and the fact your parents were out almost all of the time, you rattled off a text to Daichi asking him if he fancied a chill movie marathon night? Both of you deciding to watch The Hobbit trilogy later on in the evening. Hopping up from the couch you started cleaning the house, preparing snacks and setting up pillows as well as blankets on the couch. Seen as though it was a chill night you had decided on a pair of grey sweats and a plain v-neck t-shirt, that was tied so it wasn’t too long.

You had just finished setting everything up when there was a knock at the door, practically running to get it. Opening the door to his smiling face made something snap and you don’t know what came over yourself as you jumped into his arms, wrapping your own around him. Luckily he was quick to catch you. 

‘What did i do to deserve this hug?’ He chuckles to himself as you nuzzle into his neck.

‘Everything. Daichi I owe you so much, you don’t even understand’ Letting out a sigh, he closes the door and carries you over to the couch. Placing you down next to him as you pout at him, sad that the hug was over so soon. You had waited for so long to be wrapped up in his arms and when you finally get the chance it barely lasts 2 minutes. 

‘Listen Daichi… you have helped me so much over the past few months, and honestly…’ Taking a breath to figure out how to phrase your next words, however before you could say anything else he had pulled you back into his chest.

‘I like you too dork…’ Frozen in his arms, how long had he known… How long had he liked you back? All you could do in that moment was snake your arms round him and enjoy each other's company as he started the first film.

~ BONUS ~

‘How long have you liked me Daichi?’ You question him half way through the first film.

‘About 6 months give or take why?’ He turns his attention towards you and gives you a quick head kiss, before looking back to the film.

‘6 months… that's before we went into lockdown..?’

He hums, smirking at your clearly oblivious nature, as your brain was spiralling thinking about how many signals you missed.

Tags: @super-noya @stcrryskies @iwaxme @bb-noya @vventure @ardorwrites-hq-mha @scorpiosanssexy

[carryon-countdown]

MLM/Trans rep issues

Hello everyone,

Our blog has been getting a few anon asks, saying that mlm / trans people have been hurt by some of the content that we’ve been reblogging for this event. These asks were sent in a place of high emotions, and thus focussed more on calling out than actually pointing out what’s been upsetting them, so we figured that publishing these asks would only cause chaos instead of inspiring proper conversation in the fandom on this issue.

However, we don’t want to ignore a voice of discontent / completely shut down the conversation. We really want to further educate ourselves on where the hurt comes from, and what there is to be done to make this event and fandom feel like a safer place for everyone. And of course figure out the grey area that comes with all of that, because often it’s not a black and white thing.

We would like to know more specifically what cases have been upsetting mlm and trans people, and get a picture of how far this discontent has reached through the fandom. So if you are mlm/trans and feel comfortable having a conversation about this/ sharing your perspective, please DM one of the admins of this blog:

 @sncwbaz​

@carryonmylovelies

@absolute-nightmare

@hekissesme (note: Rox has been having wifi issues, so DMing her might mean your messages won’t be read at long intervals)

You can DM the admin you feel most comfortable DMing. We do have different time-zones though, so that might influence how quickly we’ll respond. If you specifically want to DM the admin who’s quickest to respond at that time, you can send this blog an ask (NOT on anon!!) saying you want to have a conversation on this issue, and the quickest available admin will reach out to you on DM.

We promise to listen to you with an open mind, and we won’t share publicly who’ve DMed us, in case you’re not comfortable with being publicly part of this conversation. If we feel the need to make further statements on this issue, using the knowledge we might’ve gained from you we will give you the option to remain completely anonymous, if that’s what you’re most comfortable with.

We want to note that DMs that are simply spewing hate / only focussed on name calling will be instantly blocked. We understand that the people who are hurt and trying to reach out to us might not always be able to articulate what’s been hurting them without coming off as aggressive, and we’ll try our best to see through that and listen carefully to what everyone has to say. But if it looks like the messages you’re sending are only for you to feel vindicated in your anger, then nothing productive will come of that and we’ll have to block you.

If, during a conversation you have with an admin, it seems like you’re continuously trying to only pick a fight with one of the admins, this will also result in blocking.

Lastly, if anything on our blog hurt you, I hope you will at least know that nothing was done by us because we hate you or don’t care about your wellbeing, if we’ve done anything harmful it came from a place of ignorance, and we’re looking to improve on that.

We’re really trying to understand more about this situation, and how to move forward from it. So we really hope people will reach out to us on DM. If sending angry messages on anon is the only way you feel comfortable addressing an issue, then we’re very sorry but we cannot help you any further.

Much love, the admins of the Carry On Countdown of 2020

[wcamino-confessions]

I’m just going to r a n t don’t ask for the name of this person but I just want to like- uH put up some screenshots

Basically they bought a bunch of starmews and then right away sold one they had bought for 600 and resold it for 1k. After that we put down a one week cooldown for them to prevent stuff like that from happening

They started calling me “ dad” and saying the people that commented on their post (the one where they were selling starmews) were going to kill them

They also said they gave their irl friend a starmew but they just saw a character they wanted and they told their friend the price was 1k ac (their friend didn’t make the offer, they knowingly suggested 1k ac for a character they just bought for 600) I told them it was fine bc we added the rule after that happened but yeahh

Then they literally asked if they could be a CO OWNER for the species (keep in mind they having really contributed to it, they weren’t a helper or even a ga and out of the blue they ask if they can own the species too :/ I said I’m not looking for co owners. They asked if they could be a partner but I offered that they could help out with the discord but yeah they were asking to asking if they could do own the species

Ok the part where it really started to get on my nerves

They decided- to ask if i would accept more than just gas- because they liked the species but apparently didn’t have enough time to audition. I don’t know how I feel about it- it seems kind of sneaky to dm me and ask if you can just randomly get a big role with the species- especially when you don’t even have the time to audition for a guest artist. I don’t know, they seem like they’re entitled to special treatment and I really don’t know how to handle it

AFTER THAT they dmed me a sketch of a design they were making of a starmew.

They claimed they were drawing their starmew and it apparently turned into a design. They never auditioned for ga, they asked if they could basically skip everyone else in ranks (people who worked hard to contribute to the species)to become a co owner, and just the entire time were so sneaky and I felt like they were being extremely manipulative.

I really didn’t want to sound mean to them- I told them if they wanted a starmew they had to buy a MYO- they asked if I could tell them prices and I told them to look at the wiki.

Some time later they came to me asking if they could buy a MYO

I told them to COMMENT ON THE WIKI and then they sent the coins without asking. I told them to COMMENT on the wiki. They sent the c o i n s and never commented. They said “oh I thought it counted” and I just - want them- to comment on the wiki- like everyone else did

This is basically the end of the convo I told them if they needed more answers they have to comment on the wiki

And like yea h

Idk the whole time they seemed like,e they didn’t want to cooperate and just wanted to be a co owner or like get special rights without doing anything

Yea hh idk

[fictorium]

hi, i love all the recent supercat and im realt missing cat. please could i have number 3 from the prompts list?

3. “It’s three in the morning.”

Kara doesn’t exactly mean to fly past Cat’s penthouse every evening while patrolling National City for signs of trouble, but it’s definitely maybe kind of become a sort of habit since Cat returned from DC in a blaze of triumph with a takeover bid and new plans for CatCo. 

Flying past is just polite, a discreet way to check on someone Kara’s come to care about. Someone who hasn’t called, sent a text, DMed, emailed, or even shown the slightest sign of interest in Kara since that grand return that was covered in the press for three days like a royal visit. National City is pleased to have its favorite adopted daughter back; Kara’s only a little miffed to discover Supergirl is still their second favorite. 

Just goes to show that not everyone appreciates being saved, really. 

Usually when Kara flies past all the lights are off, apart from the tiny nightlight in one corner of Carter’s room that he would deny ever having. Tonight though, the bedside lamps in Cat’s master bedroom have filled the space with a warm glow. Of all the parts of Cat’s home that Kara has ever seen, the bedroom is the place she likes most. The decor is just as expensive and flawless as everywhere else, but there’s a real softness and comfort to every piece that’s lacking elsewhere in Cat’s life. 

Kara really does try not to use her x-ray vision for non-crimefighting purposes, but she’s too curious not to see what has Cat up in the middle of the night. It’s not surprising when she discovers Cat sitting up in bed, reading something intently on her tablet, a pair of her ubiquitous reading glasses firmly in place. Kara likes this pair in particular, with their tortoiseshell frames. They suit Cat in a way the bolder colors don’t as much. 

Very sexy librarian. If librarians could afford Tom Ford eyewear and a silk negligée that probably cost Kara’s monthly rent, anyway.

Kara’s about to turn away and fly back to her apartment when Cat speaks. At first Kara assumes she’s paying too close attention, her superhearing tuned into Cat a little too much, because it sounds for all the world like Cat is talking to her. 

“It’s three in the morning,” she says, never looking up from what she’s reading. “Don’t superheroes need rest?”

That’s when Kara realizes that the moon is behind her tonight, casting her shadow over the French windows of the bedroom and its balcony. 

“Sorry! I was just passing!” She calls across the space between them, which isn’t very much at all really. 

“Every night for a week, by my count,” Cat replies. She swipes something off her screen and sets the tablet aside. “I have a security system, you know. It registers these things.”

Kara feels caught, even though she’s quite sure she hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s only tonight she did any actual spying, and it was mild at best. 

“I should go,” Kara says. 

“The doors are open.”

“Does that mean...?”

“Kara, I don’t want the rest of my building to notice you out there. I’m enough of a target for stalkers and grudge holders as it is.”

Maybe it’s the panic of reacting to her name, or of seeing Cat’s point about security, but Kara bundles herself into the bedroom like a clumsy blue-and-red bowling ball. She bashes into the side of the huge bed that dominates the room, and Cat frowns at being jostled.

“Hi?”

“Your moping is noted, Kara,” Cat says, pulling her glasses off and putting them on the beside table. “I’ve been trying to keep my distance for both our sakes, just like I try not to acknowledge knowing you and Supergirl are one and the same, but I can see that you’re struggling.”

“You’re back but you’re ignoring me.” Kara feels awkward standing, so she sits on the very edge of the bed, barely touching the sheets in her nervousness. “Did I do something wrong?”

Cat sighs deeply, letting her head drop back against the headboard. The firm wooden posts of it seem almost perfectly designed for ropes or scarves or... no. Kara refuses to let her mind wander. This is important. 

“I thought you would have moved on. Stopped caring.”

“I’d never stop caring about you, Cat. I don’t think it’s even possible.”

Cat smiles, sitting up properly again. Kara can’t help noticing how sheer the silk is, how much nothing Cat is wearing beneath that one thin layer. They’re barely four feet apart and the room smells of Cat’s expensive perfume. 

“I don’t have the energy to fight this anymore,” Cat says.

“What?” Kara asks, because even though she knows she has to hear Cat say it, once and for all.

“Your silly, persistent little crush. My mid-life crisis. Whatever this is that makes it impossible to be around you without finally admitting I feel... something for you. And it isn’t going away.”

“It’s not silly, and it’s not even close to a crisis.” Kara shifts her position, getting on her hands and knees. Cat watches, eyes glinting in the soft light, as Kara crawls toward her. “Maybe we’re just inevitable. But I know I’m tired of everything that isn’t us. Me and you. Together.”

“We haven’t even kissed--” Cat starts to protest. Kara closes the last few inches between them and makes the statement a lie before it can be fully expressed. Kissing Cat is everything she hoped for: hot, sweet, and so exciting Kara thinks her head might fly off. Instead she’s rewarded by Cat’s fingers threading through her hair, pulling Kara close for a second kiss, and a third, until nobody’s counting and clothes are being roughly tugged away from their bodies.

“Are we rushing?” Kara asks, kicking her boots onto the floor. 

“Four years of foreplay?” Cat counters, one eyebrow raised.

“Good point.”

Cat welcomes Kara into her bed, and it’s finally clear to both of them that it’s exactly where she’s supposed to be. 

[ifeedhimimmobile]

Hi. I need to talk about some things...

I thought I’d take a little bit to talk about why I left.  A lot of it was due to mental health so buckle up.

When I returned the first couple times, I got a lot of messages I didn’t like. I feel like the most obvious of those are dick pictures because how much I talked about not liking them on my blog. Those didn’t bother me as much because I could get rid of them with a simple block; however, I feel like it’s time for me to open about some of the other ones because I don’t think I’ve talked about them before. I’ve received many messages that were people trying to bully me into being their feeder. I got a lot of messages on the lines of:  “I don’t think your feedee is gaining fast enough. You say he has *insert a health issue here* and that’s preventing you from making him gain faster. Why don’t you just dump him and make me fatter instead?” Most of the time, I just ignored those people or tried to change the subject, but I’m fucking tired of it now. Why the hell would anyone try to stoop so fucking low to pick out every assumed flaw of my relationship and try to convince me to break up my relationship of ..what...almost 5 years now?...just because they think they can just prance in and get with me by trying to trash talk the feedee side of my man. I have talked many times on my blog about wanting to propose to my feedee. I have a lot of things in common with him, love his personality, and will care for him to the best of my ability, even if that means putting our fetish on the back burner so he can get better. Maybe I’m not a “real feeder” for doing that because I’m not shoving gainer shake down his throat despite him talking about being in so much pain that we might have to go to the ER. And I’m sorry if anyone that follows me feels that way about the situation. I’d rather take it slow, help him get better in between gaining instead of rushing in, having him in pain the entire time and he only lives to see 400 lb. I’m mostly saying this to the people that have tried to make me break up with my feedee. There were many friends I left on this site that were understanding of it all and I regret going silent for so long to those people because of the assholes that DMed me. I tried advertise my discord server here to let some of those people still interact with me, but as those assholes crept in and immediately flooded my DMs on discord also I decided it was best to stop reblogging the link because I was on the verge of leaving the Feederism community completely. --This is where I need to insert a warning because ED and self-harming topics ahead-- I also had issues with my self-esteem. Around the time I left, there were a few images that kept circling were as the feedee gets fatter, the feeder gets dangerously thin. It hit me hard and I started having eating disorder thoughts again and I started to self-harm more. My feedee saw me self-harm and he’d make me promise to not do it again and I would...but some nights I’d go off in another room while he was sleeping and do it anyway and try to hide it from him until either he would notice or I’d cave in and admit what I was doing. I’d self-harm for many reasons, mostly revolving around those images I mentioned, hurtful DMs revolving around how fat I was getting despite me being the feeder, or the other DMs I mentioned earlier. I didn’t want to let my ED take hold, so I used self-harming to try to cope because in my mind that was a “healthier” way to cope with it all; which it absolutely isn’t. I felt like I wasn’t worthy to be a feeder and I wasn’t good enough or sexy enough. I’d binge eat in guilt and instead of throwing up, like I used to do, I’d self-harm instead. It was nasty. I didn’t tell my boyfriend until around a little over a month ago I was having ED thoughts again because it started to impact me so much that I was wanting to throw up after every meal but would stop myself from doing it because I didn’t want to get into that cycle again. Then it turned into I didn’t enjoy going out with him on the occasional date that involved food because I didn’t want to feel guilty for eating. I’d eat very little, come up with excuses over it. I started skipping meals when he was at work so he wouldn’t see what I was doing to myself. I don’t particularly hate my body anymore but the food eating guilt is still there. On a brighter side, I have stopped self-harming for a few months so I don’t use that to cope anymore.  --- Where am I now, you might be asking? Will I return completely this time? I don’t know. As I mentioned before, those messages kept me away as well as some of the stuff mentioned in the warning section.  I moved. It was sudden and forceful. I work full-time now at a shitty job McDonald’s. I’m probably going to be quitting Starbucks because they aren’t liking how long my absence has been due to having to move so suddenly. I’m just looking forward to moving away from this place we’ve moved temporarily so I can focus on getting a better job until me and my feedee work on opening the cyber cafe we’ve been planning on opening. I also don’t know if I’ll fully return because I run a pretty big discord server and I’ve been trying to make sure I’m more active in it instead of just lurking and doing admin type jobs. Besides those life updates, still have a cat, I update with pictures of my feedee sometimes on my server, and right when I was making plans to schedule a vacation for the bf proposal covid crashed in and ruined my plans. But life goes on.  Feel free to send asks about anything. I’ll answer.