#would that the bus came more than once an hour! and had a stop closer to my house! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jensettermandu · 11 months ago

Text

looking for you in sunsets - rosé

genre; angst, some fluff

pairing; rosé x g!p reader

content warning; mature and sensitive topics that might not be suitable for everyone dealing with mental health issues. prioritize your health.

description; she is always there for you. you're always there for her. you two are always there for each other no matter how far away you two are and nothing would ever change that.

words; 22k+

masterlist

You sighed, toning out all the noise in the classroom with your eyes landing on the table right beside yours, the seat by the window. They always landed there, but it was empty and it made you wonder where your best friend Chaeyoung could be right now since she wasn't where she was supposed to be.

You tapped your shoes against the ground under your feet, waiting for Chaeyoung at the bus stop where you two always met since she lived just slightly outside the city. Ignoring the older woman that glanced your way, probably annoyed with how restless you were, but you didn't like waiting or standing still for too long. Humming quietly to yourself with the sun shining extra brightly today, hitting your back and warming you up. The sound of a vehicle approaching made you look up to see Chaeyoung's bus coming your way, slowing down the closer it got to the bus stop.

The green bus came to a stop at last, the doors opening and you smiled always thinking that those buses looked funny for some reason especially when your friend would jump the little gap between the ground and the bus. She did just that, her blonde hair bouncing with her before falling gently down her shoulders, shimmering in the sun together with her brown eyes that landed on you. You smiled big and watched her smile back, her eyes squinting and you always loved seeing her eye smile because it was truly one of a kind.

You basically skipped from your spot before walking to Chaeyoung who was approaching you. No matter what, it was always like a reunion with you two even if you had seen each other just a day before. "Finally." You breathed out and hugged her around her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around your waist since she was slightly shorter. "Stop acting like you waited hours...Plus, I told you exactly at what time my bus would be here." Chaeyoung said and made you squirm away from her when she poked your sides. You rolled your eyes and looked at your wristwatch. "Well, your bus was two minutes late." You pointed out, and she shoved you before grabbing your wrist, making you walk with her before letting go once you were walking beside her.

"Two minutes Y/n, nothing I can do about the bus being late." You looked at her as she spoke, Chaeyoung looking up from the ground in front of you two and looking at you, still with a smile on her face. She was always smiling and her smile was always so contagious that you could never be in a bad mood around her. You grabbed her hand and changed direction. "Let's eat, I managed to starve while waiting." This made her groan and let you drag her as she followed with heavy steps. "I am poor at the moment, Y/n." Chaeyoung complained and you waved her off, walking towards the small place where you two would eat as it was close to the bus stop. Sitting there and eating or just had something to drink usually while waiting for her bus when she had to go home or just eat like now.

"It's fine. I got my pay just a few days ago so it's on me." You explained since it never mattered. Sometimes you would pay, sometimes she would and no one counted the pennies cause they didn't matter in the end did they? They didn't, the time you two spent together was more luxurious and precious than the money you two would spend. "Do I get a milkshake?" Chaeyoung questioned and you hummed, getting closer to the small diner. "You get anything you want while I am rich." You confirmed and let go of her hand when you reached the door, opening it for her and letting her walk in first before stepping inside right after. The smell of fries and the oil they fried in immediately attacked your nose and you greeted the guy at the counter.

You two sat in the booth you two would always sit at, in the furthest corner at the place by the window. Always sitting in the same spot and you two had been doing it ever since you started coming to this place which was a good six years ago. That was when your parents started allowing you two to go out alone. You and Chaeyoung had known each other for 13 years now, meeting in kindergarten at five and since then you two had always stuck together, nothing separating you two- being 18 now.

"I doubt that these fries are made of potatoes." You chuckled at what she said, watching her eat the fry she inspected just a second ago. "That's what makes them good...I've heard that they used to coat Mc fries in beef fat to get that famous flavour, not sure if they still do it." She hummed and reached for a nugget in the box you two were sharing, ordering the share box for two people, just like always knowing that it was just enough to feed you both without any leftovers. "Not knowing what's in these makes them so much better...But chicken nuggets are so relatable, they are the most relatable food out there." You stopped yourself at that and looked at her with your head tilted.

"Am I going to get to listen to slam poetry about nuggets now?" You questioned with a smile, taking a nugget and eating it to stop yourself from laughing. "Do you want to? I came up with something good." Your best friend seriously said and you nodded, Chaeyoung took another nugget and held it so you could see it too. You watched as she thought it through for a bit before looking at you.

"We are all like chicken nuggets, a nugget is not real chicken, it's fake, but yet it's so delicious but also harmful and so are we. What's behind the crust is not what we want people to think, it's not chicken, but a bunch of goop containing God knows what, that's why we don't want anyone to find out what really is in that goop we are made of. Because what if people stop thinking that we are delicious if they find out that it's not chicken, that it's all fake?...That's all." You both looked at each other, trying to stay serious but laughed in the end. "But, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Chaeyoung asked through her laughter, reaching for her milkshake to try and calm down a bit, feeling her cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

You hummed, nodding your head at what she said because it did make sense although the fact that she was using a nugget for it made it ridiculous. "It actually does...You should write a poetry book, it would earn you big nuggets." You said and laughed at your own joke, stopping when you saw that Chaeyoung wasn't laughing at it. "You know because, gold nugget and you would earn big nuggets, basically a lot of money." You tried but she only glanced at you weirdly, making you flick a fry her way. "Hey!" She exclaimed and brushed the fry off her, throwing it at the napkin beside her.

"It was funny- but whatever, I will let you pretend that it wasn't...Oh! Jennie told me that you guys have a cheer contest in what was it like two months and that it will be quite big." Chaeyoung looked up from her food at that and looked confused for a second before it hit her. Almost forgetting about the contest she and the rest of the cheer team were competing in. "Yeah, it will be quite big since it's the annual cheer contest in the region Y/n." She let out with slight sarcasm since they had it every year and you made it sound like this would be the first time. You grumbled at that, it wasn't your fault that you didn't keep track of every contest and event that was going to happen. "Whatever, I saw the confusion, you forgot yourself. But I will be there and cheer for both you and Jennie, well, basically the whole team since it's a team sport. You guys won last year and are bound to win this year too." You excitedly said as you had always been cheering for them ever since Chaeyoung joined the team.

"Who's name are you going to write on your sign?" Chaeyoung asked with a teasing tone, but you rolled your eyes. "Yours and Jennie's, like I have been doing for the past three years." You stated the obvious since she always asked the same thing whenever there was some type of cheer contest. You always had hers and your girlfriend's name on that banner that was almost always your size, wanting everyone to know who the two best women in your life were. You loved both just as much, but it was just a different kind of affection. You were sure that you could have more than one soulmate and that not all soulmates were meant to be lovers although one was your lover and the other was your best friend.

"Are you going to need two people to hold it this time too? I feel like last year was a bit overboard, you got told to put it down since you were blocking the view together with Jisoo for everyone." Chaeyoung said and chuckled as you looked down, the moment was still slightly embarrassing although Chaeyoung and Jennie found it very sweet. You decided to try your luck and together with Jisoo made a giant sign with both Jennie's and Chaeyoungs names that needed you both to hold it up only to get told to put it down since the people behind you couldn't see a thing. "It's the thought that counts, but I think we might go smaller this year." You said, giving her a smile as you looked up. "Although, we are still going to cheer just as loud." You reassured her since you would still be screaming for the two even if the sign was smaller.

"Of course, you will." She said and sighed, grabbing more fries and you shrugged. There was no way that you wouldn't. "You guys cheer when we have games." You reminded her, the basketball team wasn't only known for how good you guys played but also for how supportive everyone was together with the cheer team that always made the whole crowd erupt into even louder cheers. "That's what the cheer team is for, isn't it?" You gave her a sceptic look. "Maybe, but you guys do it the best when we play, unlike the rest of the school teams...I think that's cause I am on the basketball team." You said, getting slightly cocky with it, but it was the truth. You had both your girlfriend and best friend cheering for you so obviously, the basketball team would have them cheer the best although they were always great.

"I think you as a captain tell them to perform better just for me." You continued and groaned once Chaeyoung kicked your shin. Sending her a glare as you reached under the table and rubbed your shin to ease the pain. "Keep on telling yourself that. As a captain, I tell them to give their best every time, Y/n." She corrected, and you waved her off although Chaeyoung was really a great cheer captain. "You're just too shy to admit that I am right." This time she threw a fry at you and you laughed. "Ok fine, maybe I make them perform the slightest bit better." She admitted not being able to lie to you.

You walked through the mall with Chaeyoung by your side, just wandering around the city like usual when you two were together. The nuggets were at the pit of your stomachs as you both were full. "Look, there's literally no line to the photo booth. Let's go." Chaeyoung exclaimed when her eyes landed on the photo booth you two skipped on last time since there was a line to it- last time the mall was pretty busy with people. "Last one there-." You didn't even get to finish what you were going to say when she raced right by you, already running to the booth. Without a second thought, you quickly took off after her, putting your long legs to good use and catching up to her. You were right on her heels, but it was too late as she landed inside the booth first.

"Oh fuck." You both groaned at the same time when you flew in right after her, forgetting to stop, colliding with Chaeyoung who collided with the wall, the whole booth rumbling with the both of you inside it. "I think I broke my knee." The girl whined and slumped down on the small stool inside the booth, holding onto her knee. "Can you even break a knee?" You questioned and chuckled at the whole situation as you stood leaning against the wall, catching your breath with your hands on your knees. "I'm not sure, but I fucked up something in my knee because of you." You lifted your head, looking up at Chaeyoung who was levelled with you, meeting each other's eyes.

"You sure? Let me see." You said and removed her hands from it, flicking her knee, making Chaeyoung smack your hands away. You laughed and she pushed you away from her. "It will be fine or do you want me to kiss it and blow on it?" Chaeyoung tsk'd and flipped you off. "You can kiss the tip of my finger." She snapped and you leaned forward with your lips puckered to kiss her finger, only to get your face pushed away with Chaeyoung giggling. "Stop being annoying and let's take those photos." You grinned at what she said and turned away from her to insert your card, wanting to take those photos with Chaeyoung to add to your and her collection with all the polaroid and other photos you had together.

You finished and shuffled over to Chaeyoung, standing behind her as she pressed the button. Posing with your arm around her shoulder, big smiles on your faces as the first photo got taken, changing pose for the next. You threw a peace sign, Chaeyoung winking with a pout with your cheeks squished together. It was as if you two were using telekinesis by knowing exactly what to do next, the both of you making faces for the third photo with giggles. "Goddammit Park Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed in pain when she bit your finger right when the last picture snapped. "That's for the knee." She huffed as you retreated your arm from around her, looking at the bite mark left on your index finger. "You rat." You said after seeing the teeth mark on your finger, the girl not caring as she got up from the stool and left the booth to take the pictures.

You flailed your hand as you followed her out of the booth, seeing her already holding the photo strip that had the four pictures on it. Looking as her smile grew as she looked over it carefully. You walked over to her and stood behind her, looking over her shoulder to see the photos too. "You're such a rat, just look at you." You laughed and pointed at the photo where she bit your finger, your face holding pure pain and her only holding pure satisfaction by getting back at you. "Want me to bite you again?" She threatened and your hands quickly went behind your back to avoid getting bitten again. Pursing your lips as she turned around to face you, shoving the photo strip into your chest. "You keep this one." She said with a smile and you took it.

"No, you can have this one...I think I took the last one we took together." You said about to hand it back to her, but she stopped you. "No, keep this one so you can remember not to mess with me." You chuckled at that and nodded, taking out your wallet and placing it inside it. "Just don't ruin it." She was quick to say when she saw you placing it inside the wallet. Chaeyoung frowned and took the wallet and strip from you, deciding that it would be better if she did it knowing how careless you could be, you did just run into her. "See, you need to be more careful...Some things are fragile, Y/n." Chaeyoung scolded and you just watched her before getting your wallet handed back to you. "I will keep that in mind." You said and put the wallet back into your pocket.

You grabbed Chaeyoung's favourite crisps from the shelf as you two were at the grocery store to get some snacks to then find some spot to chill at. Walking over to the fridge with sodas after. "Do you want ice tea as usual?" You questioned as you opened the fridge, Chaeyoung behind you hummed and helped you by holding the fridge. "Do you remember the ice tea toddy?" She asked and you chuckled at that, taking two iced teas, and handing one to Chaeyoung. "How could I forget...Jisoo still won't touch iced tea." You said and she laughed, nodding, it was an inside joke between your guy's friend group that had been going on for a year now. "It does work as a great mixer, but it's too good." You said and the blonde agreed.

Both of you remembered how Jisoo found out how good of a mixer ice tea was for vodka, to the point where she lost track of how much she had to drink and everything just reversed and she threw it all up. The girl still couldn't touch iced tea- the event had traumatized her so much. Just the smell made her gag. "Do you remember the little raft?" You asked, suddenly a lot of memories just came back and the girl bumped into you as she walked beside you, making you wrap your arm around her shoulders. "How could I forget? Jennie gave you the biggest scolding of the century." She teased and squirmed slightly when you pinched her cheek with the hand that was around her shoulders.

"I shouldn't have gotten scolded, it was Jungkook's fault I fell in the water in the first place." You said, you still were set on it being the boy's fault. You guys had found a random raft by the lake and you and Jungkook got on it, pushing it away from shore only realizing you guys had no paddles when it was a bit too late. It ended with Jungkook trying to jump back to shore since you guys weren't too far away, he managed to make the jump although he sent the whole raft flying together with you and you ended up falling into the water. "You two were stupid enough to get on that raft and push it away without any paddles." Chaeyoung said, knowing that it was stupid of both of you, but it was funny in the end and she still remembers all these things so vividly. Every single memory made with you and your guy's friends was always so vivid and she would never forget them and the same went for you.

"How about the time we had orienteering and you tricked our group out of the forest and to a diner instead." You said and a bashful smile spread across her face and she shrugged your arm off from around her. "I was hungry and did not feel like walking around a forest looking for checkpoints...In the end, everyone was happy." She explained herself like she has been doing for a good three years now. You guys were in a group of five and had orienteering for P.E. class and had two hours to try and get all the checkpoints. Chaeyoung announced that she was super good at it and would lead the way- only to lead you all to a diner. It ended with you guys getting five out of 15 checkpoints that were spread across the forest that wasn't too far from the city. Getting them on the way back from the diner after you all ate. "Everyone except the teacher." You pointed out as the teacher wasn't happy with a group of five people only getting five checkpoints in the span of two hours.

"When are they happy with anything?" She threw the question out there and took a turn with you as you needed to pick up one last thing before heading to check out. "It's a miserable job isn't it?" You said as you yourself would never want to work with teens if they were all like you and your friends. "Pretty much..." Chaeyoung trailed off as she watched you stop and look at the store shelf, realizing what aisle you had dragged her in. "How can you buy condoms right in front of me Y/n? I'm from a Christian household...no sex before marriage." Chaeyoung let out in pure disbelief, giving you a terrified look and you shoved her away slightly. "Shut up, Chaeyoung." You said and reached for the ultra thins since Jennie preferred it when you guys wouldn't use condoms, but considering that she wasn't on birth control that didn't happen often and this was the best option.

"What?" She asked confused, playing dumb and innocent which you knew she was not. "Are we just supposed to forget about Lisa the foreign exchange student from last year?" You quipped, knowing very well what went down since she had told you. You two told each other everything. There wasn't a single thing you two did not know about each other. "I don't know what you are talking about." She continued to play dumb and you gave her a look, seeing the small tint on her cheeks. Lisa was an exchange student at your school and you guys got along well, but she and Chaeyoung got along extra good and it was sort of a fling thing that ended once she left with no hard feelings.

"Or maybe your first boyfriend?" You added, being well aware of how much she hated when you mentioned that- it wasn't because it was a bad breakup or anything, it was because the girl was as straight as a circle and looked so stupid trying to date that guy when she was 15. It ended pretty quickly, but still, a few things went down and she wasn't the proudest of them. "Ew, don't mention him." Chaeyoung said and cringed, the two of you walking out the aisle, making it to the checkout now while grabbing a few sweets on the way. "Either way, you are no virgin Mary, Park Chaeyoung." You clearly stated and she quickly looked around you both before sending you a glare. "Jeez, Y/n louder. What if my sister would just pop out of nowhere and would hear you." She complained and you rolled your eyes at what she said.

"Oh, so you think your sister is stupid and doesn't know?" You asked, not believing that her sister didn't know that your best friend, Park Chaeyoung was no saint. "Yes, yes I do." She stated a quick and short answer, giving you a nod of affirmation as she was sure that her sister was very much clueless about it all. You stifled a laugh at that and looked as she ran her hand through her perfectly silky hair. Her hair fell down her shoulders and rested on her black hoodie that was contrasting her blonde hair. "Then you are the stupid one." You concluded as you two stopped in line to checkout. She scoffed at that.

"Just buy the fucking condoms so you don't get Jennie pregnant by accident." Chaeyoung let out frustrated now because you might've been right, her sister Alice was smart in the end while Chaeyoung was smart but was also a terrible liar. You laughed at that and patted her back to get her to calm down. "So, you don't want a niece or nephew to spoil?" Chaeyoung looked up at that, raising her eyebrows at what you said. "Does it look like I have the money to spoil a child, Y/n? I don't even have the money to spoil myself, let alone a child." She dramatically let out. "Ahh, you're being dramatic." You breathed out.

"I am not." She firmly stated, trying to keep up the act, both of you knew that it was all just jokes. Liking to act a bit dramatic whenever it was possible. "You are." You insisted and Chaeyoung scoffed, shaking her head. "Let's see who will be dramatic once Jennie gets pregnant." You chuckled at that and bit your lower lip. Somehow she always made you laugh with the simplest things, it was as if nothing else existed when you two were together. It was like floating in the air with no burden on your shoulders and you hoped that she felt the same way when she was with you. "She's not getting pregnant, not yet at least and when she does, you are going to be the godmother of our child." You stated as no matter what, Chaeyoung was always going to be part of your life and if she would refuse you would simply force her. Although there was no way she would ever refuse.

"You think I would be a good Godmother?" She questioned unsurely and you looked at her, cocking your head and quirking your eyebrows. "You'd be a great godmother and I wouldn't even consider anyone else." You stated with a firm nod and watched the smile on her face as she sighed, shaking her head slightly. You always made her feel so good about herself. The both of you placed the things on the band and suddenly Chaeyoung spoke up with confusion. "What do you mean not yet?" She asked and stopped in her tracks, only now realizing what you said. Looking at you, she instantly recognized that smile on your face that only meant one thing, it was something important and precious to you. That was the smile you had on your face whenever you were around her or Jennie- other friends too but it stood out around the two or when you talked about them.

"Can you keep a secret?" You already knew the answer as she kept every secret you told her between you two. Chaeyoung was the person you trusted the most, more than your own family, but on the second hand, she was basically your family. You two were like siblings, knowing each other for more than half of your lives. It felt good to be around someone who you knew, knew you better than you knew yourself, knowing that you could always listen to her and trust her and her advice. "Of course, I can. I know your deepest darkest secrets and never said anything to anyone." She said with a proud grin, it always made her feel more important when she knew that you trusted her so much. You took a step closer to her and lowered your tone slightly even if it wasn't needed since you didn't know anyone here, but it made the moment that much more climatic.

"I want to propose after graduation." You whispered in her ear and it went quiet for a second, nervously watching her as her lips parted and her eyes widened slightly. "What!?" She squeaked out in pure surprise, seeming like she was in bliss. "Yes, I want to propose after graduation and then we could live together while in college and all that stuff." You explained and smiled when Chaeyoung jumped in for a hug, her arms wrapping around your arms, giving you a bone-crushing hug that you tried to return the best you could with your arms restrained. "Oh my god, you should totally do it." She squealed out and looked up at you with her eyes glimmering slightly. Relief washed over you fully as she was the first person you told this to, like always being the one you told things first too. You knew that you and Jennie were only 18, but you two were already planning a future together- of course you included Chaeyoung in everything which Jennie was ok with seeing how there would never be a possibility to separate you and your best friend. She admired it.

"I am surprised that you are agreeing." You breathed out and she pulled away with her head tilting as you reached up to her face and patted away the few tears that rolled down. She was always your emotional little Chaeyoungie. "Why?" She asked and grabbed your hand that was on her cheek, holding it and you shrugged. "This is the first girlfriend of mine that you actually like...And you know how much I value your opinion." You said as you had a few girlfriends before and Chaeyoung was not fond of any of them although she seemed to love Jennie. "Jennie is great, both to you and to me...she doesn't have a problem with me being your best friend unlike the rest and she's just a keeper." She casually replied and you smiled, walking up to the clerk that was scanning your items. It was the truth, none of your exes was good enough for you in Chaeyoung's opinion and none of them really liked how close you two were either. Even if it was always platonic love since your friendship wasn't just a simple friendship, it was much more than that.

"She really is." You agreed and your smile made Chaeyoung smile this time, seeing how in love you were with that girl. Just like Jennie admired your and Chaeyoung's friendship, Chaeyoung admired your and Jennie's relationship. She knew that she was the right one in more than one way. "Mhm, although never forget about me." She hummed out and walked away when you had to pay, not being able to say much more. You quickly paid and thanked the clerk before, walking up to Chaeyoung since you knew that you could never forget about her. "I could never forget about you. You are moving in with me and Jennie when we take off to college." You watched as she just shook her head at what you said, helping you put everything in the plastic bag. "I don't know about that. Think I will rather be alone than share an apartment with you and Jennie." She only replied.

Somehow your and Chaeyoung's feet had their own will and walked you over all the way to the beach where you two would always sit together and just talk, sitting on the big rock where you had carved your names next to each other a few years ago. The cool breeze softly blew the salty air your and her way, the sun slowly setting but still keeping the breeze cool just cool and not freezing. You leaned back, holding yourself up with your palms as you looked over the ocean that seemed to not have an end, listening to the seagulls in the distance and the waves crashing with the rocks beneath you two.

"Could you promise me something?" Chaeyoung broke the temporary silence and you turned your head to look at her. Her gaze held some sort of longing as she looked over the horizon in front of you guys. The wind blew through her perfect hair, her eyes squinting just the slightest as the wind hit them. Her brown eyes glimmered from the orange sunset that hit them just like the water was glimmering below you two. You hummed and watched as her jaw clenched for a split second before she loosened up again and looked down at her feet with a sigh. It always ended the same with you two sitting and making promises to each other, some people would probably find a few of them meaningless but to you two they were worth more than gold.

"Promise me that you will propose to Jennie after graduation and keep her for the rest of your life...I know that you said that you will, but I really don't want you to change your mind, I want you to proceed with the future with Jennie there. We're only 18 and things can just change in the span of one night or even a second, but I don't want that to change...It would mean a lot to me if you would be able to promise me that even if it is quite big of a promise to keep." You almost managed to miss half of her soft-spoken words that disappeared with the waves as they left her lips, but you still heard every word of her. "And while you're at it, I want you to promise me that you will never forget me Y/n." Chaeyoung added and you watched as she moved her feet around a little, waiting for you to say something.

You tilted your head and smiled a little, extending your hand to her, making Chaeyoung look at you in the end. Holding out your pinky for her, a pinky promise made between you two was never allowed to be broken and this was a promise you would never break once the deal would be sealed. A smile grew on her face and she hooked her pinky with yours as you two just looked at each other in silence. "I promise you that I will propose to Jennie and keep her for the rest of my life and I will never ever forget about you Chaeyoung...I don't know how you could even think of that, but I will never forget about you because just like I am going to keep Jennie with me for the rest of my life, I am going to keep you too." You promised before you two touched thumbs, sealing the promise forever.

"Thank you." Chaeyoung breathed out in relief and unhooked her pinky with yours before wrapping her arms around your shoulders, hugging you tight with her face buried in your neck. You wrapped your arms around her waist, getting embraced in each other's warmth and no other hugs compared to the ones you shared. "I just want you to be happy." She mumbled and pulled you closer to her, resting your chin on her shoulder, feeling her hands clutch on your hoodie as if you would disappear any second now. "I want the same for you." You replied as you only wanted to see her happy and content, both of you wanted the best for each other. She only hummed, sighing into your neck as you both stayed in each other's arms.

"I really love you, Y/n." You smiled at her words and sighed when you heard her sniffle before feeling a few tears hit your skin. "I love you just as much...don't cry because I will start crying too." You said, feeling your voice quivering as you spoke because her tears were just as contagious as her smile was. It always ended with both of you crying if the other one would cry. "It's just that...you're the best thing that has ever happened in my life Y/n and I wouldn't change it or have it any other way. There's not much to my life without you, it's not as interesting when it's just me." This time you could feel the prickling in your nose, the tears brimming your eyes as a sob left her lips, her hot breaths fanning your skin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way either, but your life is much more than just me and you know it...There's just one of you, you're Park Chaeyoung and that's what defines you, not me." You said since you two maybe fulfilled each other's days, but if she wouldn't be Park Chaeyoung then it wouldn't be the same. The way she was defined her and not you. "I am me and you're you...that's what makes it special." You whispered and blinked away your tears. "You're special to me." She mumbled and you slowly pulled away, quickly wiping your eyes before looking at her, holding onto her shoulders. You wiped her cheeks with your sleeves before the wind could do it for you. Leaning over and leaving a peck on her forehead. "You're special to me too, Chaeyoung." You said back and removed the hair that the wind blew in her face, looking into her brown shimmering eyes and she smiled through her tears, giving you the eye smile that you loved so much.

You held Chaeyoung's hand, holding it inside your pocket to try and warm her as much as possible as it was starting to get cold now, waiting for her bus. "You sure that you don't want me to take the bus with you?" You asked to make sure since you offered to take the bus to walk her home, but she shook her head no. "Yeah, I like taking it alone...it gives me time to just think." She said and looked at you with a smile, you nodded knowing that she enjoyed riding the bus alone to just get lost in her thoughts. "Say hi to Jennie from me." Chaeyoung reminded you. "I will. You've been hanging out with everyone lately, haven't you?" You put it out there since she was with Jennie yesterday and the other days she hung out with Jisoo and another with Jungkook and so on aside from hanging out with you almost every day, but you two often were together.

"I've just missed everyone lately although today was memorable with you as usual." You gave her hand a squeeze, everything with her was memorable and fun. That was the thing with Chaeyoung, she wasn't just a great best friend to you, but she was truly a great friend to everyone. "It always is." Chaeyoung slithered her hand out of your grip and hugged around your waist again, making you hug around her shoulders, resting your cheek at the top of her head. Taking in her smell, those smells from one's childhood that always brought back nostalgia. Chaeyoung's smell was just that, she brought you so much nostalgia, comfort and memories, she made you feel safe with just her smell because it was so familiar, it made your inner child feel safe because that's what you had always been ever since you two met. Safe, comfortable, and content and it was just perfect.

"You're the bestest friend anyone could ask for Y/n." You chuckled at her words. "Just like you, you're the bestest of the best." Chaeyoung giggled at your words and you kissed the top of her head, taking in her smell before you two pulled away when you heard the bus approach. "Text me when you get home, alright?" You said as you held her shoulders, the girl nodded with her smile still there and you gave her a big smile too. "I will...I love you Y/n." You chuckled when she gave you a peck on your cheek and walked her to the front door of the green bus as it opened. "Be safe...I love you." You said and let go of her hand as she stepped onto the bus without another word, waving at you as the doors closed. Standing and watching her take a seat, waving at each other before the bus took off, not leaving your spot until the bus disappeared out of your sight.

"Could you hand me my wallet? It's in my pants." You asked Jennie as you laid in her bed in your boxers. She hummed as she finished up by her vanity table, turning off the lights on the mirror before she got up from the chair. Laying sprawled out on her bed under the covers as you watched her walk over to the armchair where your pants were laying with the rest of your clothes. Your girlfriend was already in her pj's as it was around 1 am and you got here at around 10 pm. Jennie reached into your pocket and took out your wallet before she scurried over to the bed, making you chuckle, lifting the covers for her seeing that she was in such a hurry since she was cold. The girl quickly cuddled into you, putting her head on your shoulder as you wrapped your arm around her waist.

"Here you go, baby." Her hand came up from under the duvet, holding the wallet out for you. You pecked her lips as a thank you and Jennie watched you open your wallet, making her move slightly so you could use the hand around her waist a bit better. You took out the photo strip since you didn't want it to get ruined in your wallet and Jennie guided your hand so she could look better at the photos. "Told you that she bit me." You said since she didn't believe you earlier, watching Jennie smile, yet another one of your favourite smiles. "You probably deserved it though, I know how you can be so I don't blame her." She simply stated, knowing you very well too. "Aren't you quick to pick sides?" You only received an eye-roll from Jennie at that as she was still looking at the photos.

"These are cute though, just don't ruin them by accident." Jennie said and looked over the photos one last time before letting go of your hand. You hummed and put your wallet on the bedside table by your phone before placing the photo strip by your things too. "That's exactly what she said too." You said, remembering how Chaeyoung told you how some things are fragile, seemingly she wasn't the only one that knew how careless you could be but Jennie knew that too. "Well, some things are fragile." It almost felt as if it was Chaeyoung speaking as she just said the same thing as her. You sighed and turned your body to lay on your side, meeting Jennie's eyes.

Chuckling as Jennie's hands tried to squeeze themselves under you for more warmth as her body was still a bit cold. "Is it that cold?" You questioned and Jennie pouted before nodding her head. You pecked her lips, trying to pull away but she chased right after you, making you lean back in, giving her a lingering kiss instead. You pulled away and Jennie groaned when you moved to lay on top of her. "Is this warm enough, baby?" You asked, trying your best to just warm up your girlfriend since she seemed to be freezing cold by shoving her hands under your body to warm them up. "You're crushing me." Jennie whined out, but it quickly turned into giggles as she squirmed under you trying to get you off her.

You wrapped your arms around her waist and with a huff turned over, taking Jennie with you who squeaked in surprise. "Y/n, my parents are asleep." Jennie warned not wanting to wake her parents up, acting like you were the one to let out that squeak. "I am positive that the squeak did not leave my mouth but yours princess." You said as her voice was lighter than yours and this time you tried to squirm away from Jennie when she poked your sides, making you squeak this time. You laughed as she continued to tickle your sides, her shorter frame basically glued on top of you as you couldn't seem to push her off you. "I am going to scream if you don't stop." You laughed out not knowing what else to say as she wouldn't stop tickling you, slowly getting out of breath.

You got stopped from making any type of sound when Jennie quickly kissed you when you were about to scream. Kissing back as she slowly moved her lips against yours, your breathing still heavy after her hands attacked you, making you pull away sooner than you wanted. "I love you." Jennie said right after you two pulled away, your arms wrapped around her waist, hugging her closer before lifting your head to peck her lips. Jennie sighed and placed her head right below your chin, leaving a lingering kiss on top of her head and closing your eyes. "I love you." You mumbled against the top of her head, unwrapping your one arm to pull the duvet over you two before sneaking both of your warm hands under her shirt, caressing her skin. Jennie hummed and you felt her lips leave a small kiss on your collarbone. The comfortable silence between you two engulfed you both, leaving you with a soft and warm feeling with each other.

Jennie flinched slightly on top of you, getting startled by your phone that went off, buzzing on her bedside table. You looked towards your phone, Jennie pushing herself up slightly and reaching for it, a small frown appeared and she looked confused. "It's Alice...you should probably answer, it might be important." Jennie said and handed the phone to you, both of you confused about why Chaeyoung's sister would be calling you at around 1:30 am. Taking the phone, you answered and Jennie watched you do so.

You didn't even manage to ask her anything before feeling regret at picking up this phone call because this phone call was going to be the cause of many sleepless nights. You unwrapped your arm from around Jennie, sitting up on the bed and your girlfriend felt nothing but worry as she sat beside you, watching all the different emotions go through your eyes before they held nothing else but tears. You could feel your whole body and brain just shut down at what you got to hear, clenching the phone in your hold so you wouldn't drop it as you felt the energy get drained from you. A sob left your mouth as Alice finished explaining what happened to you and you only hung up on the crying girl.

"Y/n...what happened-." You cut Jennie off as you broke down in tears, getting pulled into your girlfriend's arms. "Chaeyoung- she- she's...Jennie, she's-." You couldn't form a sentence as you choked on your sobs, gripping onto Jennie's shirt. Jennie had seen you break down and cry before, but this time it was different, your cries held pure pain, and suffering and she felt her own eyes tear up, trying to hold you as close as possible as you cried on her chest. You felt your heart clench so hard that it broke to pieces and the air just got heavy around you and you knew that it would never be light again. "She's gone...Chaeyoung- she's- she...killed herself." You forced the words out of yourself as you didn't dare to accept them let alone to have to say them out loud was torturous.

Suddenly your whole life turned around in the span of a second.

Or maybe this wasn't where she was supposed to be at all and she actually was where she was supposed to be. Maybe Chaeyoung was right where she was supposed to be. That was the thing with Chaeyoung no one ever knew what she was up to or where she could be unless that someone was you but now even you couldn't tell where exactly she was except that she was gone and no longer here. Your best friend was no longer by your side and hadn't been for the past two months.

You had spent the past two months wondering if you missed any signs, but it only turned out that Chaeyoung didn't tell you everything. She told you what you wanted to hear, what she wanted you to hear and believe. She never wanted you to know what was going on in her life because she preferred to see you smile, to see you being happy around her and not worried. That's what you tried to assume.

You continued to fiddle with the sleeve of your hoodie and blinked your eyes to stop your tears from falling in the middle of class, you couldn't tear your gaze away from her seat that was right next to your table. Even if it was the case that this wasn't where she was supposed to be, in your head, this was right where she was supposed to be. Chaeyoung was supposed to be sitting right there, she was supposed to be talking to you in a hushed tone while the teacher is busy explaining in front of the class. She was supposed to still be here, be with you, hang out with you, you two were still supposed to share secrets with each other and make promises.

That day was the last time you hugged Chaeyoung, the last time you heard her voice in person, the last time you felt her body while it was still warm, the last time you both said 'I love you' to each other. That day you heard her laugh for the last time, say your name for the last time, you two made your last promises that day, the last time you saw her smile at you. That day was the last time you created memories together with Chaeyoung. Now she was gone.

You got stopped from pulling on your sleeve when Jennie grabbed your hand in hers sensing that nothing was ok right now. Nothing had been ok ever since that phone call, but you managed to somewhat keep yourself together to attend school again, but there were still those moments where you would falter and break down against your will. Jennie excused the both of you and got you to stand up and follow her out of the classroom.

Walking out of the room, she closed the door after you two and you already had tears in your eyes. How were you supposed to cope with the death of your best friend? Of someone who you were closer to than your own family, someone you knew most of your life. Your time together with Chaeyoung was cut short, against your will but by choice for her.

Chaeyoung left you.

"We should definitely go out for ice cream after practice...it's so hot today." Chaeyoung let out, a big smile as you two walked through the hallway. The girl was in her cheer uniform as she had her practice to attend, but tried to hide from her duties for a bit since it was too hot outside to continue jumping around in her opinion. "Oh Chaeyoung, practice first, ice cream later." You said as you bumped into her when you were passing through the empty hallways on your way to watch their practice since yours was done. Knowing that Chaeyoung was at the wrong place as the cheer captain- standing by the vending machines in the canteen and not on the field with her team.

"It's ok, I told Jennie to take over while I handle some business." She explained and skipped in her steps, it was much cooler inside than it was outside especially now that school was over and the hallways weren't packed with students. You laughed at what she said and she looked at you, she was about to stop in her place probably wanting to drag this out to not have to go out on the field again, but you were quick to put your hand on her back so she would continue walking. "What business do you have by the vending machines, Chaeyoung?" You questioned and she sighed. "Those are questions that I do not have to answer." You hummed, nodding your head already knowing that she was there to get snacks while her team was out there in the heat.

"Last one at the field pays for ice cream!" Chaeyoung exclaimed while already running ahead of you. "Hey!" You exclaimed and took off right after her, trying your best to catch up with her as she got a head start. Your laughs echoed around the hallways of the empty school.

You took her for ice cream that day and you paid too since she was the first to reach the field.

You sniffled as you looked at the hallway that was just as empty although this time none of your waves of laughter echoed around it. "Baby...talk to me." Jennie let out, worried sick about you. She didn't leave your side for a second ever since that night, staying right by your side to comfort you and just be there for you, she could only imagine how difficult it was for you and yes she herself had been grieving but the bond between you and Chaeyoung was just different- it was a loss for everyone who knew the girl though. One of the reasons why she really didn't want to leave your side was because she was scared that she would lose you too. Either lose you in all your sorrow or the same way they all lost Chaeyoung.

"How is everyone just moving on?" You croaked out, the tears in your throat suppressing your voice as the lump was there. There was no point in trying to hold back much more as a sob left your mouth. The shorter girl pulled you aside and away from the door, stopping by the lockers, holding onto your hand as her other reached up to your face, wiping away your tears. "Everyone is acting as if nothing happened." You cried and slumped your back against the lockers behind you, looking at your hands that continued to fiddle with the material of your hoodie.

It felt like you were the only one left that was still crying every night about Chaeyoung or waking up in the middle of it because you had such vivid dreams about Chaeyoung still being alive that you woke up happy only to break down within a second. Everywhere you looked, everyone had moved on with their lives while you were stuck in the past, still refusing to accept the fact that she was gone. "Everyone is just coping differently." Jennie tried, she maybe wasn't going through it as bad anymore but that was because acceptance came easier for her than you in this situation and she didn't blame you. No one would truly ever just move on from this.

"And for some, that means acting as if nothing happened and I know that it hurts to see people act like that, but it's different for everyone, Y/n." There was nothing you could do about this. First of all, you couldn't bring your best friend back- she wouldn't want to come back because she left by choice. Second of all, not everyone grieved the same way, but you hated to see how everyone just went on with their lives, went on with them without Chaeyoung there. How do you go on with your life when the person you planned your life with wasn't there anymore? You hated it.

Your eyes met Jennie's at last and you hated yourself for worrying her so much, you could see how worried she was every day and how she refused to leave you for even a second. Following you like a puppy because she loved you so much while you were too busy drowning in the sorrow Chaeyoung left you to even try and show how much you loved her too. "I'm sorry." You apologized and grabbed her hand that was on your cheek, taking it and leaving a kiss on her fingers. "You don't have to be sorry for anything Y/n. I am here to be through it all with you and it doesn't matter how long it takes...Just don't close yourself off from me." You only broke down more, Jennie pulling you down and hugging around your shoulders as you buried your face in her shoulder.

"I lost my best friend Jennie." Your voice cracked with each word as you were still trying to figure out why she left you. Why were you, the one to lose your best friend? No one should lose one, whether it is by death or another type of separation that isn't death. It felt like you lost a part of yourself together with her. "I know, I know." Jennie whispered in your ear, giving the side of your head a peck as she gently scratched your scalp in a try to comfort you so you would know that she was right there for you. She was there to hold the part of you, you thought you lost for when you would want it back.

You looked up at the sound of things rustling, Jennie holding onto your shoulders, her head turning to look where you were looking when she saw a frown covering your eyebrows. You were no longer in her arms as you walked towards the janitor, wiping away your tears while sniffling. "What're you doing?" You asked him pissed as he was by Chaeyoung's locker, your fists clenching in nothing but anger as he threw another teddy bear into the cleaning trolly. "Cleaning...it's the principal's request." The older man said, about to reach down for another one of the things by her locker that students at school had put there to honour her memory. Everything from notes, plushies, flowers and much more.

You were quick to grab him by the back of his shirt, preventing him from doing so, not caring about the consequences. "I don't give a fuck about what he wants...leave her locker alone." You gritted out, doing your best to not let your voice break like the rest of your body was, every piece of you cracking like thin ice. Pushing him away, making the man stumble back a step or two. "Y/n, calm down." Jennie quickly interfered not wanting you to get expelled on top of everything. You huffed as she gave you a look and you turned around, looking at Chaeyoung's locker that hadn't been used by her for two months now while Jennie tried her best to excuse your behaviour, succeeding as the janitor walked away with the trolly.

She turned around to you with worry when she heard one of the lockers rumble, punching the locker that was next to Chaeyoung's. You ignored the pain that spread through your whole hand, landing another one before landing more punches to it. You were so angry with the world. Who else could've done her wrong if not for the world and the people in it? Did you possibly wrong her too? You couldn't recollect, but maybe you did her wrong somehow. The anger and hatred you felt numbed the pain in your knuckles and maybe if you hurt yourself physically then just maybe, the emotional pain would disappear...even if it would be for just a second. You would be numb for just a second and that would be enough of an escape from all the emotional pain in you.

Jennie almost flew together with your fist into the locker when she grabbed onto your arm to stop you- succeeding without getting hurt in the process. "Stop hurting yourself." She basically cried out as this time her tears fell too, not being able to hold it together. It was hard for her to keep it together when you would cry and break down, but seeing you hurt yourself because of it was just the last straw for her to break down too. "Stop." She mumbled, her grip on your arm tightening. You swallowed, your throat hurting as you just wanted to scream from the pain that was growing inside you. All those screams came from the top of your lungs only to not pass your throat and instead just gather there and create a lump that was hurting. "They can't just get rid of her things...this was Chaeyoung's." You pushed the words through the screams that clogged up your throat because words were the only things that could leave your mouth.

Jennie ran her hands down your arm to your hand, unclenching your fist, your hand trembling from the blunt force trauma caused by the impact at which you threw those punches against the locker. Your knuckles were red already with the few places where your skin split open the slightest, blood oozing from those spots- it wasn't deep and it wasn't bleeding a lot, but it was enough to make Jennie more worried. "You have to let her go at some point." Jennie stated, knowing that it would only get worse if you wouldn't try and accept things as they were even if it was difficult. She didn't want to see you lose yourself this way, she didn't want to lose you.

Her grip on your hand stayed when you tried to pull away, so, you instead turned around and leaned against the locker, sliding down to the floor with Jennie crouching down in front of you. Her gaze stayed on your trembling fingers and she knew it was hurting- both the injury you caused yourself and everything else. "I don't." It came out as a whisper, the salty tears running down your cheeks. They were salty enough to hurt if they came in contact with a cut. They were so harsh that they hurt your eyes. "You have to, she won't be able to rest otherwise, not if you keep on acting like this." She tried to make you understand, wiping her tears with her free hand before her thumb ghosted over your bruised knuckle. Acting so negatively wasn't letting your best friend rest, holding her back because you were worrying her and you knew that in the back of your head, but you ignored that part of your head.

"Why would she get to rest? I haven't been able to rest for months because of her choice and I am just supposed to let her rest? She doesn't let me rest either." You argued, hoping that Chaeyoung was listening to you right now so she could hear how tired you were too now. It was all exhausting and every night you spent awake you spent it crying or wondering why she left you. She didn't even say anything, leave anything...no, she definitely left you a lot of things, one of them being the confusion about why she even left. She seemed so happy. Or you just didn't know your best friend, as well as you thought that you did. Would she still be here if you did anything differently? What if she would have stayed if you just simply had walked her home that day? Would something like that be enough to make her stay?

"Y/n...she left us because she was tired and now you're preventing her from getting that rest." You took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes, the only thing you could see every time you closed them was Chaeyoung and you hated it because she would always be smiling at you. Every time the sun was shining and warming you, you could feel Chaeyoung's embrace. You could still remember perfectly how it felt to hug her and to be hugged by her, crumbling apart every time as you were scared that you would one day forget how it all felt. You didn't want to forget any of those things. You didn't want to forget her. You wouldn't forget her.

"I am tired too yet I am staying." Jennie bit her lower lip and you opened your eyes. The only thing you could do now was to imagine Chaeyoung still being here, imagine all her laughs, smiles, cries, hugs and all the other things. Her smaller hand came up to your face, trying to wipe away your tears as her sleeves and skin have been soaking them up like grass soaking up water when it rains for two months now. It was a storm, but she wasn't going to leave and seek shelter, she was there to stand with you in the middle of it and let her whole body soak up every drop of water- every tear. "That's different, baby." Jennie said, she knew that you were hurting and that it all felt useless for you right now, but you were grieving the death of your best friend and would hopefully come to terms with what happened. Chaeyoung's story was different from what all of you guys knew. Different enough for her to not be able to stay.

You shook your head, not wanting to see it as different though. You wanted to believe that Chaeyoung had every reason to stay just like you. She made you look at her and you only now saw that your actions from a few minutes ago must've scared and hurt her. She was worried and she was here for you, but you couldn't help but yearn for someone who no longer could be here for you. "You have to understand that she just wants to rest now, but you're not letting her. You're tiring her out when she's about to reach the peace she left us for...You have to let her go and remember her for who she was and not for the pain she left. I don't think Chaeyoung would like seeing you like this...I think you would make her feel guilty and sorry for something that was her choice." You glanced beside you at all the things lying in front of your best friend's locker.

"I just want to know why...Nothing is clear to me, it just doesn't make any sense to me." How could you accept anything when you didn't know why she left you? You ran everything through your head, but there was nothing that answered the why's. You held back a groan at the pain that went through your hand, but Jennie clearly saw the pain on your face. Jennie took your injured hand, holding it with both of her hands as she looked at it with a pout. "Please don't hurt yourself again- I- it's too much for me to look at and it hurts me too...I love you too much to be able to see in more pain." She said as you two were always honest with each other. Jennie was always so honest with you and it instantly let you be honest with her too, trusting each other with your words.

You ignored the pain in your hand for the moment, a small yelp leaving Jennie when you pulled her to you, hugging the girl close as she was on her knees on the floor with you, hugging around your nape. "I won't, I'm sorry...you know that I never would hurt you on purpose or do anything to hurt you. I love you way too much to cause you pain, Jennie." You apologized, it was something you had been doing a lot lately, feeling like you wronged everyone ever since Chaeyoung left. Although Jennie reassured you every time that it was fine and you didn't have to apologise for grieving. "It's ok...I'm gonna make sure that you get through this without any more bruises." Jennie stated as she was determined to get you through this, pulling away as she cupped your face, still holding onto her waist. She leaned forward and left a peck on your quivering lips.

"It's fucking horrible isn't it?" You asked Chaeyoung and watched as her features turned into a slight cringe and you groaned, letting your forehead meet the table as you rested your head against it. You were supposed to write an assignment for one of your classes but you were struggling. Asking Chaeyoung to check it out knowing that she would be honest with you and always tell you the truth. A quality you two had that not everyone would agree is completely good was honesty, no matter how frustrating the truth could be. "I can just help you with this because this isn't the best Y/n." Chaeyoung truthfully told you and she was always willing to help you with whatever it was that you needed help with. Whether it would be school work to something more personal. She was always there and never left.

You looked up at her in hope. "Could you?" You asked to make sure since you didn't want to bother her in case she had her own things to work on. Chaeyoung gave you a smile and nodded her head. The blonde looked behind you and suddenly you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, making you tilt your head back to be met by Jennie who with a tilted head looked down at you."Don't you have math?" You questioned your girlfriend as you knew that she had class right now. She glanced over at Chaeyoung before looking back at you. "It's fine...I already know everything." This made you look over at Chaeyoung who avoided your gaze already knowing that your best friend was the one who informed Jennie about you two being in the library because if she wouldn't know she wouldn't have left class.

"You two need to stop with this skipping classes and practice." You said because not long ago you were walking Chaeyoung back to practice and now Jennie was skipping too. It wasn't the first time and you were always the one walking them back to class. Jennie walked around you and smoothly made herself comfortable in your lap. "You're so cute, trying to act like the oldest one here." Jennie teased and pecked your cheek, Chaeyoung laughing at how you tried to fight the bashful smile that was fighting to appear on your lips. "Is that the assignment you have been working on?" Jennie questioned as she looked at the paper that was laying in front of Chaeyoung. The girl slid it over to Jennie as you hummed. "It's really bad." Chaeyoung commented when Jennie picked it up, the girl in your lap caressing your hand as she was already reading the paper.

Jennie sighed and put the paper down once she was done. "It isn't the best, no." Jennie honestly told you and gave you a sorry look. You rested your forehead against her shoulder. "I know...Chaeyoung will help me with it." You mumbled, the two girls sharing the same quality, honesty and always being willing to help you with anything that you needed. You weren't sure where your head would be without them.

You knew that it would have been over for you if Jennie wouldn't be right here after Chaeyoung passed. You always needed at least one of them and without Chaeyoung here anymore, Jennie was the only person who was holding onto the part of you that had detached from your body. If she wouldn't be here, that part of you would be gone together with you because if Chaeyoung wasn't here you had no reason to stay except for Jennie. She was the only reason why you were still here.

You slowed down in your steps as you watched the green bus pass by you two, feeling the air in your lungs get too thick to leave you. The air clogged up your throat together with those screams as you watched the bus continue its usual route without Chaeyoung aboard it. Time really didn't stop for even a second when someone left this world, everything and everyone just continued on with their lives. There was no stop so you could at least process anything in your head.

Jennie stopped in her tracks together with you, feeling how your grip on her hand tightened just the slightest, seeing how your jaw moved in anxiousness. What was it to you if the world continued to rotate? You didn't have to continue together with it...you could just stay right where you were, couldn't you? You knew the answer to that. "There's really nothing that I can do, can I?" You asked and looked at Jennie, she sighed and shook her head. "No, not really." She confirmed, you take a deep breath almost gasping for air as it was difficult to inhale at this point. You were so desperate for the air to get thinner so it would get easier to breathe again, but that just didn't happen.

"I want to...see her." Jennie's lips parted at your words. "Are you sure?" She asked you to make sure that you wanted this. She knew that you would go at some point, but she didn't want you to force yourself because it was difficult for you to say the least. "I'm sure."

Jennie could feel how each of your steps got heavier and more hesitant the closer you two got. The air was even thicker here and it crushed your insides because of how heavy it was. "Do you want me to wait here or come with you?" Jennie asked as you two stopped, your eyes already looking towards Chaeyoung's direction. The girl had already been here a few times when she had time while you hadn't, thinking that maybe you needed to be alone for this. "You will be right here, right?" You asked her to make sure since you were scared of just getting left alone by the only person you had left that was keeping you here. Chaeyoung left you with fear. "Of course...I will sit right here on this bench and won't move an inch." Jennie reassured you, her thumb gently rubbing your knuckles on the hand that wasn't injured.

"Just take your time." She gave your hand a light squeeze before letting go as you nodded, taking those heavy steps towards your best friend's grave. Your feet felt heavier and the soil under your feet felt like quicksand, pulling you down further the closer you got. It had been two months and it looked like people were still regularly coming here as there were fresh flowers and grave candles on her grave.

You came to a stop as you were right in front of the place where your best friend was resting. You hadn't visited Chaeyoung ever since they lowered her into the cold ground. Your hand gripped harder around the flowers you were holding in your hand, your jaw clenching but it all was for nothing as the pain slipped right past your lips. The keen cries left your mouth as you crouched down right in front of her grave, closing your eyes tightly as you kept on wiping away at your eyes. The tears seeped through your closed eyes as you slumped down, sitting on the grass, pulling your knees to your chest, clutching hard onto the roses in your hand as you buried you face in your forearm that was resting on top of your knees.

"Why Chaeyoung? Why?" You cried out with your creaking voice that has had enough of your repeated cries after your best friend. Looking up at her grave stone, your eyes landing on the small picture of her that was on the headstone right by her name. "I've been crying after you every day and night, only to get no reply from you." You said and bit your lower lip to stop your sobs. You knew that you would spend your time here and wait for a reply just like you have been waiting for one every day since she left. Only to not get one. "I am so angry with myself and I wish I would be able to be angry with you and not me, but you know very well that I have never been able to stay angry with you for even a second...You knew that all along." You somehow managed to talk to her, waiting for some sort of relief, but all you felt was sorrow and pain.

"I still dream about you Chaeyoung! You're still alive in my head. Yet here I am talking to your grave." You gritted out through your tears and sobs, feeling like a fool because of what she did. These day-long laments were exhausting and you could feel how you barely were able to continue crying as just whimpers of pain left your mouth. "Did you think that talking to your grave would be enough for me? That you could just leave me because I would get through everything by talking to your grave? That I wouldn't want to hear your voice? It sounds selfish but what else can I be when you left without any reason? You could've at least left me a damn note, Chaeyoung." You moved the flowers to look at them, the cuts on your knuckles covered by the band-aids Jennie had put on them.

You placed them by your feet and sighed. "You made me make all these promises that I now have to keep...Who's going to keep your promises Chaeyoung?" You asked her, wondering who would keep all these promises she made you. You were going to keep yours because you would never be able to break a promise you made. A groan escaped your mouth and you blinked your eyes, the tears falling right after. "You never really meant it when you promised to stay with me forever...You knew that you weren't going to stay for long. You knew and you left me, you left me without a single word about it. Didn't you trust me? Wasn't I enough of a reason to stay?...What made you even so sure that you could just leave, how were you sure that I wouldn't just follow right after you?" You were so tired, it felt like you would throw your heart up any second now.

Were you just supposed to come here every day now and wait for an answer? Was Chaeyoung ever going to answer you? Did she even see you right now? She had left you without a word. You always knew where Chaeyoung was since she always told you and talked to you. Now you couldn't even try and say where she could be as you had no clue because she never told you or talked to you about this. "I just...miss you." It always ended like this, with you wailing, bawling your tired eyes out like a baby to your best friend. "This is the- the longest I have ever been without you ever since we met." You weren't sure how much longer you would be able to be without Chaeyoung. "You should've told me...I would wait for you if you had told me what was wrong. I would be here and wait for you...I am waiting for you." All you could do was wait for something that wouldn't happen now.

"Come on, Y/n, it's only for two days and I will be back." Chaeyoung laughed out and pushed you away when you were about to cling to her again. "No, don't leave me." You begged, probably being too dramatic since the girl was only going away for the weekend to another city to celebrate her cousin's birthday with her family. "You know that I don't want to leave you either, but I believe that we will be able to survive two days without seeing each other- two hard days, but we will manage." Chaeyoung said and chuckled, but it sounded painful as she herself had tears in her eyes now. You let out a whine and hugged her tight, not wanting your best friend to leave for those two days. "I can come with you." You breathed out and she shook her head, rubbing your back.

"We need to start practising being away from each other for at least short periods and you can't leave Jennie." Chaeyoung reminded you about your girlfriend and she also knew that you two should be able to be away from each other for at least two days. It would be difficult since you guys had been glued together ever since you met. "I know, that's why I will take her with us." You mumbled since you and Jennie had the same problem as you and Chaeyoung of not being able to be away from each other. You assumed that once you loved someone you no longer could be separated from them for long. You couldn't be separated from Chaeyoung or Jennie as you loved them both too much for that.

"No Y/n, you're staying right here with Jennie and I will see you in two days." Chaeyoung firmly stated and pulled away looking at you, trying her best to not just give in and take you two with her. "Yes, I will tell her right now...she should be here somewhere." You said, looking around the hallway for Jennie, spotting your girlfriend already walking towards you and Chaeyoung. You waved her over to you two and she skipped in her steps. "Hey you two...Why are you guys in tears?" Jennie asked confused once she reached you two and saw that you both were on the verge of tears. "Doesn't matter why anymore because we are going away with Chaeyoung for the weekend." You stated and Jennie lit up at that looking at the blonde girl with a smile who only groaned in return.

"No, no one is going with me, you two are staying. It's just two days." Chaeyoung said and turned away from you and Jennie, opening her locker to avoid the looks on your faces knowing that she would just give in if she did. "Two days will be like an eternity for you two." Jennie commented and leaned against the locker beside Chaeyoung's to look at the girl, well aware of the fact that you and Chaeyoung would be shaking in longing after each other. Jennie herself hated being away from you so she completely understood it. Once you get so used to someone's presence, you aren't yourself anymore if they leave for a few seconds too long. You hummed agreeing with Jennie as you leaned against the locker behind her, both of you just waiting for the blonde to just agree.

"You- no, stop pestering me about it...You can like distract her by you know." Chaeyoung commented almost giving in before she slammed her locker closed looking at you two like you were parasites. Jennie shyly giggled at that and had to turn away from the blonde, burying her face in your shirt being way too shy to talk about what Chaeyoung was referring to. You rubbed her back and looked at Chaeyoung who shook her head, still doing her best not agreeing. "Please?" You begged with a small pout and Chaeyoung groaned at that.

That day she agreed for you and Jennie to come, knowing damn well that it would be hell on earth for you two if she had just left you even if it was for two days. "What are we going to do without you Chaeyoung? It feels wrong to just keep on living life without you here. You knew damn well what hell it would be for me to be without you." You spoke as you calmed down, wiping away the tears from your cheeks although they were still falling from your eyes. The way life went on even after death was something you couldn't grasp. What made everything so much harder was that you didn't know who to blame for this. You ended up being angry at the world and being angry with yourself.

"I failed you as a best friend...I failed you, didn't I?" You asked and looked at the picture of Chaeyoung on the headstone, looking at her with your tears falling harder as she had a smile on her face like always. It hurt so badly especially when you were sitting here, knowing that you failed your best friend. You failed someone so precious to you. "What if fail everyone else too? What if Jennie leaves me too? What if everyone just ends up leaving me Chaeyoung?" You worriedly asked your best friend, she always had answers for you. You always came to her for advice and help, knowing that she would be honest with you. The frustration you felt inside was indescribable when you got no answer from your best friend.

You were so lost without her. Chaeyoung was stuck in your head like a melody that you just can't forget and never will forget, she was stuck on repeat even in the worst moments making everything so difficult. You couldn't focus on anything else but the melody that Chaeyoung was. Would it even matter if everyone else just left you? You sighed and pulled your knees closer to your chest, hugging them as you buried your face in them. "Was there anything that I could have done differently to make you stay?" You tiredly asked, crying into your knees, your body shaking as you couldn't take the pain anymore. Your heart was clenching, trying to hold on to the pieces that it was getting shredded into. Your chest hurting and your ribs were suddenly constricting your lungs from being able to breathe normally.

"Didn't I tell you enough how beautiful you are? How good you are? How you are the kindest and purest person I have ever met? How your heart isn't made of gold but platinum since gold is fucking shit and gets ruined so easily? Didn't I say how much I love you enough? That you are my Rosie?" You sniffled and pressed your eyes more into your knees to let the material of your jeans soak up the tears. "I am forever going to miss you because I will always love you." You managed to look up again, sobs leaving your mouth one after another as you looked at the place where Chaeyoung was supposedly resting now. Weren't your arms enough for her? Couldn't she just rest in your arms until she would feel better again? You were so homesick without her arms around you and it made you wonder if she felt the same right now, the only time you felt somewhat better was when Jennie would hug you.

You used your sleeves to wipe your face, moving to reach for the flowers that were by your feet. "I bought you these...You always hated when I would buy you flowers, but still would always put them on your desk in your room and they would be there until there was no single petal left on them." You said with a chuckle, sniffling as you kept on wiping the tears away with your sleeve. "I wish I had bought you flowers more often though because I know that you secretly loved it...I might start doing it now, buy you flowers every week and give them to you." You heaved a sigh and moved to get on your feet. You looked at the flowers in your grip and with a deep breath you took a step closer to her, crouching down to put them on top of her gravestone with the rest of the flowers and other things.

"I love you Chaeyoung...I love you a lot. You know that a piece of my heart will forever belong to you, that way you will always have a piece of me. I didn't even have to make the promise to never forget you because whether or not I would make that promise, I would never forget you." You explained, your fingers gently running over the polished stone that was connected to the headstone. "You know...if it gets difficult up there just know that I am still always here for you if you need someone to talk to." You reminded her that even if she wasn't here you would still always be there for her no matter how far away she would be. Your arms were always open for Chaeyoung even when her body was cold and not possible to warm up again like you always did.

"I'm sorry for not coming sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone for so long...I promise that it won't happen again." You said and with a shaky breath pressed your thumb against the stone to seal the promise like you two always did, your tears falling and hitting the stone, splattering like raindrops that hit the ground. Although your tears had more meaning to them than the rain did. "I love you Rosie...I will be back soon so you won't feel alone." You stood up straight and looked over her grave one last time with a heavy heart. It felt difficult to leave her although you knew that nothing would happen if you left her now, always thinking about how if you hadn't left that day then nothing of this would have happened. A piece of you was in that ground with your best friend.

The cemetery was so quiet and peaceful even if people came here to sorrow, to try and bury their grief together with their lost loved ones. Because of that Jennie was in tears, hearing you talk to your best friend the whole time, your voice reaching her and she hoped that it reached Chaeyoung too. She was quick to stand up and wipe her tears when you approached her. You rubbed at your eyes as you stopped in front of her, feeling like a vulnerable mess, ignoring the pain in your right hand that was bruised. Jennie grabbed your balled-up fists and looked you in your red and tear-filled eyes.

"You're so strong. I adore you so much, Y/n...I adore the person you are." Jennie confessed her adoration for you, being the person she adored the most and somehow amidst all your sorrow you felt your heart flutter. Your hand went up to her cheeks cupping them. "Thank you for being here for me...I don't think I would be able to get this far without you Jennie. I really don't think I would be able to." You confessed as you were deeply thankful for having Jennie. She hugged your waist and rested her cheek against your torso as you hugged around her shoulders.

You were going to continue keeping Jennie warm even if you no longer were able to keep Chaeyoung warm. You weren't going to give up on Jennie, she was the only light left in your life at the moment, the only thing keeping you away from getting fully swallowed by all the darkness. She was the only one keeping you warm right now, she was the little fire that you wouldn't let burn out just like she was making sure that the little flame left in you wouldn't fully die out.

You were here for Jennie, you weren't sure if you would be sitting here at these bleachers if it wouldn't be for your girlfriend being part of the cheer team as the contest was taking place today. Two months ago you talked about this day with Chaeyoung and now you were sitting at the bleachers empty-handed together with your friends as your school's cheer team would be out soon. The cheer team were doing this to honour your best friend, but it was still difficult to sit here and watch. You knew how difficult it was for the girls on the team and the few guys that were on it too, they were for the first time in four years going to perform without their captain. Jennie had assured you that she was fine and to not worry about her, but you knew that she was hanging on by a thread today. That's why you were here. She would need you today just as much as you had needed her every day for the past two months.

You could feel how your heart started to beat in a heavier way, like when a steam train passes right by you and you can feel it below your feet. Hearing your heartbeat in your ears together with the familiar song. It was the song that Chaeyoung used for this contest exactly four years ago when she became the captain; it was their way to honour her, but you could only think of how you were here to support your best friend on her first big cheer contest as the captain of the team. All your memories were so vivid and you always broke inside at them. Hearing her name was enough to make you fall to pieces all over again.

"You got this in the bag Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed, trying to ease her worries slightly as she was nervous, this was her first big contest as the captain. It was a team sport, but still, a captain was still a captain and everyone was expecting her to shine. Plus the fact that she was 14 with a big audience like that made it just that much more nerve-wracking. "Do you think so?" She nervously asked as you two stood away from the team so you could have some privacy. She didn't want the rest to know how nervous she was, she only trusted you with this. "I've seen you guys practice and it was always great...I will treat you to nuggets if you guys win." You happily said and that seemed to make the girl get into her spirit, knowing that if nuggets were at stake then there was no way that she would allow anything to go wrong.

"Promise?" Chaeyoung said and held out her pinkie to you. With a smile, you hooked your pinkie with hers. "I promise and a milkshake." You promised, as you guys touched thumbs, she let out a small squeal and quickly hugged you, making you hug back. Something about having a friend that you were this close with made everything so weirdly nice. There was some sort of peace coursing through your smaller bodies and making everything else disappear. No nervousness, no fear, nothing like that was present and it felt like you were floating. "And I promise to do my best, especially as a captain." Chaeyoung exclaimed and you nodded. "You always do your best...but you should probably tell that to them." You said and gestured with your head towards her squad that looked like they were about to pass out.

They won that day and they did it three years in a row with Chaeyoung leading them, this would be her fourth regional contest and you bought her those nuggets and milkshake, it became a tradition. You took her to the small place after every contest that they won to eat nuggets.

The crowd erupted into cheers, making your ears ring as they finished. Your friends were on their feet, cheering for your school and Jennie did really great with the team. Getting on your feet, your eyes landed on Jennie, being able to see how her lower lip quivered and the tears cascaded down her cheeks, standing in Chaeyoung's spot as they were in the finishing pose; she was the girl's right hand, it was only right for her to be standing there. As they all were slowly starting to gather to get off the stage you made it through the crowd of people on the bleachers when Jennie quickly ran off the stage. Walking as fast as possible you reached the cheer squad, asking them where Jennie was; everyone on the team was comforting each other, their tears brimming their eyes and it was visible that this wasn't easy for them. They pointed towards their designated changing room as it wasn't taking place at your school and you took off towards it.

Everyone had moved on as you watched the students of your school applaud and cheer. The only ones that were still not fully over it were her friends that only tried to somewhat cheer for the team that didn't have its captain with it. Why wouldn't they have moved on? They didn't know Chaeyoung, she was just someone they passed in the hallways, she wasn't part of their lives while she was a big part of your guys' lives.

You knocked on the door and only got a sob in return so you opened the door, walking inside you closed the door after you and saw Jennie sitting with her face buried in her knees on one of the benches, her body shaking slightly as she continued to cry. God did you hate seeing her like that, you couldn't hold yourself together because whenever she would cry you would end up crying too, but you knew that you had to be strong just this once. She needed you. "Jennie...baby." You let out and the small whimper that came from her cracked another spot in your heart and you weren't sure how much more your heart would be able to take. Sitting down beside her, you wrapped an arm around her, making Jennie look up from her knees and seek comfort in your arms instead as she gripped onto your hoodie, wrapping both your arms around her body as she let you pull her into your lap.

"It's...all just now..." Jennie tried to explain through her sobs, but just ended up swallowing all her words, choking on them, and not being able to continue. She curled up into you more as she sat sideways in your lap, her knees pulled up against you. "It's sinking in now...I thought that I was ok now, but being out there without- without Chaeyoung...it just made it so hard to breathe, Y/n." Jennie cried into the crook of your neck and you felt your eyes water at her words, the mention of her name, it was all so much. "I could feel- I could feel that something was missing the whole time...and realized that it was Chaeyoung." Another whimper came from Jennie and she pulled more on your hoodie, burying her face in the material.

You both knew that the feeling of something, more like someone always missing would always be there now, but you two were never prepared for it to be that obvious. It was like losing a necessity and looking for it. Chaeyoung was someone important in your lives, it didn't matter if you knew her for 13 years or 3 like Jennie. The girl was such a big part of your lives and she suddenly wasn't here, meaning that a big part of your lives, a big part of you was just suddenly missing, simply gone and never coming back. "I feel like I disappointed her and the squad out there...there's no way that I will ever be able to lead anyone to victory, let alone lead as Chaeyoung did, Y/n." You could hear how vulnerable and insecure she felt right now, together with the pain and you could hear yourself in it all. Wondering how Jennie managed to comfort you so well at times like these.

"You have never managed to disappoint her Jennie, or the team...Chaeyoung- she-." You cursed yourself in your head as your voice cracked and you were starting to break down too. Feeling how your nose was prickling, making your tears fill your eyes in an instant because of it. "You're so strong for being able to go out there and lead the team for Chaeyoung, in her honour...She would only be proud of you, especially for being so strong." You spoke against her hair as you nuzzled your face in it, trying your best to make Jennie understand that Chaeyoung would never be disappointed in her. Your best friend always looked up to Jennie for how strong she was and she proved every day how much stronger she was than what you saw.

"She looked up to you, she saw you as a sister...someone who was always there for her and she could trust...she loved you so much that there would never be any room for disappointment, baby." You reassured her, rubbing her back gently when she got hiccups. "You weren't only her right hand on the squad, but outside of it too...she knew that you would make a great captain- that's why she chose you for that position." You pulled your face away from her and Jennie looked up from your hoodie, meeting your eyes. Her eyes filled with tears that ran down her flushed cheeks, her eyes were red and her lower lip started quivering again, the hiccups making it difficult for her to catch her breath.

You moved your one hand up to her face, using it to collect her tears, ignoring the trembling in your fingers as you looked at her. "You're so beautiful and talented...she loves you, they love you, I love you." You let out, caressing her cheek with your thumb, a lump in your throat as you felt a few tears managed to escape your eyes, but your beautiful girlfriend was quick to wipe them for you. You leaned forward and placed your lips on her forehead, leaving a lingering peck as she calmed down with every heartbeat that was slamming against her ribcage from all the emotions that were going through her mind and body. Jennie closed her eyes at your lips against her skin before she felt you rest your forehead against hers, her hand coming around your nape as she scratched gently. "I love you so much Y/n." Jennie let out a whisper and connected her lips with yours.

You were on your way to Chaeyoung's practice as usual after being done with yours, pushing the double doors open that led to the field. Your eyes landed on the cheer squad that was busy with practice- including Chaeyoung who hadn't ran away this time- so you made it to the bleachers where a few others were sitting, joining your friends. Your eyes just scanned everyone for a second, but stopped on the new face that was a part of the practice, realizing that it was the new girl that changed to this school two weeks ago. Although your gaze switched away from her and you looked to your side when you got nudged. "Who is that? I haven't seen her before on the team." Your friend Namjoon asked as he was waiting for one of his other friends that were part of the cheer team too, being a year older, 16 and you 15- a year above you- he didn't know that there was a new girl in the class below his.

"Uhm she's new in class, she started two weeks ago and I guess she got on the team." The guy hummed and nodded, you saw as he fought back a smile and you knew that he was onto you already since your voice never held a quiver when you would talk, but now it did when you talked about the new girl. You somehow managed to find yourself crushing on the girl and you haven't even told Chaeyoung yet- you were going to, but you assumed that she already figured it out because you were always so obvious and she knew you so well. "What's her name?" He asked instead and you glanced over at the field to see them slowly finishing up. "Jennie." Namjoon patted your back and stood up, giving you a wink. "Well, good luck." He said and your lips parted at that, but you didn't get to say anything as he walked down the bleachers, greeting his friend as the practice was over.

If he figured it out within a few minutes then Chaeyoung knew already for sure. You stood up from your spot and saw Chaeyoung already walking towards you. "You did great...well, from the few minutes that I saw you were great." You said and the blonde smiled big. "Great to know that I am good at stretching, Y/n." Chaeyoung said with a giggle since she saw when you came out on the field, which was when they were finishing up and stretching their limbs. You chuckled and shrugged, your eyes momentarily falling behind Chaeyoung to see the new girl- Jennie- packing up her bag while talking to a few girls. Even if your gaze moved away for a split second, Chaeyoung caught it and looked where you had looked before looking back at you.

"I think you have something to tell me...something along the lines of having a crush on the new girl." She teased you and you opened your mouth to say something but puffed out your cheeks instead before releasing your breath. You gave her a bashful nod. "Are you two friends?" You questioned and your hands found their way into your pockets so you wouldn't start fiddling with them as you tended to do that when you were nervous, fiddling with whatever came in reach like your clothes or bracelets or anything else. "Yeah, we're quite close actually...Want me to ask her if she wants to hang out with us today?" Chaeyoung suggested and saw the hope in your eyes as you looked up at her. "Could you? I'd like to get to know her but there's just no way that I will get the guts to ask her myself." You smiled when she gave you a nod before she pulled you with her towards Jennie.

Thanks to Chaeyoung you have an amazing and loving girlfriend. You've known her for three years now and been in a relationship for two, but it felt like you have known each other for so much longer. You were grateful about this every day, and you were so thankful for Chaeyoung, knowing that without her you would never be where you are right now, with Jennie who you loved and adored. Chaeyoung had given you so much and assured so that you were happy and you felt like you had failed her, not sure if you had managed to give her back enough.

It felt like the wind got knocked out of you like you were hit by a bullet train when you stepped inside Chaeyoung's room. It was cold. Why would it be warm if there was no one there to keep it warm? Her smell still lingered in the air and you clenched your jaw to stop your tears, you really didn't have the energy to cry more. You didn't want to cry much more, you came here for some sort of peace and acceptance, not to cry, but it was easier said than done. You weren't sure where to look for your peace in her room, you weren't sure if there was much peace in this room where her sister found her dead. You weren't even sure if peace with this was possible because all your life Chaeyoung was part of that peace.

Deciding to fight the force that was trying to pull you back so you wouldn't enter further, you stepped further into your best friend's room. Everything was left the same as when they found her. Her family couldn't bring themselves to move a single thing. Your breathing got heavy and everything felt so gloomy, it felt like there was a storm inside of you with dark clouds and heavy rain, the wind that blew so hard in your face that you couldn't breathe properly. You stopped by her desk, her things had started to collect dust and your fingers ran across the white wooden desk, picking up some of the dust on the way before stopping by the framed picture. You picked it up and looked down at it. It was a more recent one with you, Chaeyoung, Jennie, Lisa, Jungkook and Namjoon. The dust on the glass got wet and you quickly wiped your eyes as your tears came without a warning.

"See, I told you that this was a terrible idea." Namjoon complained and you scratched the back of your neck as you looked around the place. "Stop yelling at my baby." You stopped scratching your nape and wrapped your arm around Jennie's waist when she walked up to you. You gave Namjoon a smug look, having your girlfriend on your side. The guys tsk'd and looked around, hopelessness in his eyes. "Your so-called baby got us lost in the middle of the woods." He pointed out and you two looked back at the groaning behind the taller guy to see Jungkook who had tripped over a root that was sticking out of the ground. "You idiot." Namjoon let out and held out his hand for the guy that was on the grass. "You owe me a new pair of jeans, Y/n." Jungkook said and dusted off his pants, seeing a small green stain on his left knee.

"I don't owe you shit, you tripped yourself." You defended and he huffed at that. "And to be fair, I just wanted to be nice and show Lisa the waterfall." You continued and sighed, looking around and realising that Lisa wasn't in sight and neither was Chaeyoung. You came up with the idea of taking everyone to the waterfall that you had once discovered but you must have forgotten the way to it because you did not find it and ended up walking in the middle of the woods. The three caught up to what you were looking for and realised too that the two were missing. "Well...You lost the person you wanted to show this to." Jungkook deadpanned since you wanted to especially show this to Lisa as she was an exchange student and wasn't going to be able to see this any other time.

Suddenly you saw the blonde hair you knew so well behind a pair of bushes before her voice echoed through the whole forest, the birds that were nearby scattering to find a new and quiet place. "Hey! We found the waterfall!" Chaeyoung called out and you saw her wave you guys over as she jumped so you guys could see her more clearly from behind the bushes. "You tried." Jennie comforted and patted your back before taking your hand and dragging you to walk with the other two. "I was actually just about to take that turn and-." You got cut off by Namjoon who smacked your head when you were trying to lie your way out of it, the rest of your sentence just getting swallowed back down. "Quiet, Y/n...I rather listen to nature." He said and you rolled your eyes at that.

You smiled as the four of you made it to the other side of the bushes to see the waterfall you had been talking about. "It's really beautiful." Chaeyoung said and Lisa beside her hummed, you sent Chaeyoung a knowing look when you saw the two brushing their fingers against each other, knowing that they were tingling to hold hands with each other but were too nervous to do it. You and Jennie were the same at first. "Yeah...I need some memories of this place." Lisa happily said and showed her camera that she had hanging around her neck. "Here's a great rock Lisa...Just saying if you want a group photo." Jungkook subtly pointed with his head at the rock that would work as a tripod of a sort.

You placed back the framed picture of you guys by the waterfall. You had so many memories with Chaeyoung, but you weren't sure if they were enough. Taking in a shaky breath, you blinked away your tears and looked towards one of the walls she had in her room. Making your way to it as it hurt to walk around her room. It was as if there was poison in the air that occupied her room and you were breathing it in and slowly dying. You looked at all the polaroids on the wall, all those memories you wondered if she took with her to her grave. It all made you realise that time was the most expensive luxury in the world.

You could point at any of the photos and tell exactly what happened on that day, you remembered every day with Chaeyoung and you were so scared that you would forget them now that she wasn't here. They ranged from when you two were five to 18, then there weren't only pictures of you and her, but others too as she always cherished all her friends and family. Although your eyes had to do a double check when you looked at the folded piece of paper that was pinned to the wall in the middle of all the polaroids, your name was written on it and you frowned. Sniffling, you reached for it as it just didn't make sense for it to be there with all those polaroids. You removed the pin and pinned it back into the wall after taking the piece of paper.

The piece of paper looked like it had been ripped out of a lined journal as you unfolded it, letting your eyes scan over it. You stopped, realizing what it was and the air felt even thicker and more poisonous now. Clutching the piece of paper in your hand you turned around and walked over to Chaeyoung's bed. The lump in your throat was getting painful as you sat down in her bed and leaned against the headboard. It felt so weird to be sitting in it and you reached for the plushie, putting it in your lap as you hugged it and rested your chin on top of it. You closed your eyes, the paper still in your hand as you inhaled the smell of Chaeyoung that lingered on the plushie that you gave her when you two were seven and she had kept it all this time. Knowing that you had to face reality you looked up, your tears already staining the plushie as you with your trembling hands unfolded the paper again. Reading what it said as it wasn't just a piece of paper but a note.

I hope it didn't take you too long to get a hold of this letter that I left for you Y/n.

I first want to say that; I really hope that I don't have to be sorry or apologise for my choice. I hope no one is angry with me and if anyone is, I hope they won't stay angry for too long. I hate when people are upset or angry, smiles always suited everyone much better than scowls. Y/n, your smile always made me smile so I hope that you won't cry for too long because I rather look down at you and see you smile than be sad.

I was thinking about this for over three years now, I just couldn't leave you Y/n, not until I would help you find someone who would be able to be there for you like I always was. Finally that someone came into your life, that's why I want you to cherish Jennie the way I cherished you and you cherished me because I know that she will be able to be there for you through your whole life since I won't be able to be there for you in person anymore. My presence will always be with you though even if it's not in person, I will always be watching over you to make sure that you stay on the right path without me right by your side. I think you will be able to realise that you have found a best friend in Jennie too and not just your lover. I know that you have because I saw it with my own eyes. You two are each other's halves now.

I know that I promised to stay forever. I am going to keep that promise and stay forever by your side even if it's not in person.

I know that it's always possible to feel better but I don't want to feel better when I know that any second I can just fall back down to the bottom where I was a second ago. I also doubt that it is possible to go back to my old self and if I lost my old self, then I don't wanna keep going. It's the old me that everyone loves, it's the old me that I loved and I just can't seem to accept or love the person I am now.

I can't see myself doing all those things that are meant to be done when you grow up. College, work, relationships, starting a family or anything along those lines. And even if I can do them, I don't want to do them, not like this.

I haven't been feeling too well for the past three years. I could have told you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I didn't want you to sit and worry about me every night because I know that you would do just that. I knew that there was no going back for me Y/n and even if there would be, nothing would feel the same anymore. Please don't blame yourself for anything and don't think that you did something wrong. You kept me going for these three years and I didn't think I would be able to stay that long but I did, but there's only so far a torn car can go.

I can only apologise for not having a good explanation for why I did what I did. I know it sounds complicated, but it really isn't Y/n, and we have always been honest with each other and I will be honest with you in this letter.

My will to not want to live is so strong that it's hard to find words to describe it. But I shouldn't have to explain why I want to die so badly because it's simple, I just want to die. I can't apologise for that, Y/n and I am really hoping you will understand.

That day, you gave me everything I needed for the last time before I would leave.

You gave me my last laugh. My last smile. My last cry. My last memories. My last hug. My last words. My last 'I love you'. My last promise.

You gave me all those things that I wanted to experience with you one last time in one day. You are the best person I have ever been with, ever met. There was never anyone that could have replaced you, done anything better than you or treated me better than you. Nothing you did could have been done better. I love you Y/n and always did, but unfortunately, even you aren't making it hard for me to leave this time. I wish it wasn't like that, but I have lost myself a long time ago, I don't know who I am anymore or maybe this is who I am, but I just can't accept the person I am now. You always loved me for who I was, I just wished that I would be able to love myself the same way too.

This is no one else's fault but mine. Don't blame yourself or anyone else, Y/n/n.

Aside from those hard times, I went through, amidst all that and before it, you always created great memories with me. I cherish all the things we did together and I hope you will cherish them for us for the rest of your life.

Please, don't stare at the sunsets for too long to find me because I am right by your side whether you feel it or not. I am right there by your side, holding your hand through it all like always. Please, keep all the promises we made, especially the last two we made that day and never forget me. I hope you can let me keep on living through you, through your memories of me, that way I will never die. Some people do live forever, they live on through you and won't die, you decide when they die by either remembering them or forgetting them. I hope you won't let me die fully.

I promise to be safe wherever I end up and put in a good word for you to God if it is heaven. Stay safe for me Y/n, keep Jennie safe and the ones close to you too. Love everyone unconditionally just like you loved me. Keep on living your life and don't hold back because time won't stop. Take my advice one last time, I can see that Jennie is the one, pursue a future with her because I know that you two will keep each other happy.

I love you Y/n, you're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. You're special to me and always will be. Thank you for making me happy when I thought I couldn't be and thank you for giving me so many great memories.

From: Chaeyoung, your Rosie.

You clutched onto the paper in your hands and buried your face into the plushie, crying in pain and nothing else. This was what you needed in the end, this is what made you realise the truth, that your best friend was no longer here. You never failed her. She loved you all this time, but there was nothing anyone could do to change the outcome of things.

"I came just like I promised you Chaeyoung." You stated as you made yourself comfortable on the grass in front of Chaeyoung's grave. This time you weren't clutching the flowers in your hand, but you placed them in front of your feet. "I bought you flowers again, just like I said that I would..." You trailed off and bit your lower lip, smiling as you looked at the picture of her by her name. The girl smiling back at you and it felt all warm and fuzzy this time. "I found your letter to me last week and I just want to thank you for always being there for me." You spoke and fiddled with the grass you sat on. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes, letting the sun warm you up as it was slowly setting, but it was still keeping the cold from getting you.

Opening your eyes again you looked past her grave and at the sky, watching the sunset with a little chuckle. "I know that you told me not to look for you in the sunsets, but I just can't help myself at times...It just feels like I might see you in them." You explained as you still would catch yourself gazing at the sunsets whenever you would see one. It felt like Chaeyoung was right there then and you always looked so the moment would last a bit longer. "You aren't here anymore, but I am grateful that you were here for the time that you were...I'm just happy that I met you even if I wish that we could have spent more years together...I will learn to fully accept it as it is, for you and everyone else, Chaeyoung." You said and pulled on the grass straws, taking in a deep breath, you could smell the grass and flowers around you this time, even the sunset had a smell to it, and you could smell the warmth that it created.

Taking another deep breath, this time you could feel your lungs expand as the air reached you and wasn't heavy at all. It was all so light and fresh, it felt nice to be able to breathe again. It was as if someone was holding you back the whole time from all these things until you would learn to accept everything. Maybe it was Chaeyoung since she hated whenever you would be crying all miserable. "I want to assure you that I am going to keep all the promises we made, the last two ones we made that day too and I will never forget you...I will let you to continue live through my memories." You assured her. You were no longer waiting for answers from her because everything was already answered for you. You could let Chaeyoung get the peace she wanted, she could finally rest as you let her do so.

"I thought that you would want to know that no one is angry about your choice and you don't have to be sorry about what you did. I was never angry with you, but myself although after reading your letter, you assured me that I didn't have to." You leaned forward and placed your hand over the gravestone, running your fingers over the polished stone with a small smile. Removing a few small leaves that were resting on it and whatnot. Living life was much easier now that there weren't as many why's in it. Not only could Chaeyoung have her peace now and rest, but so could you.

"You know the plushie I bought you when we were seven, yeah...I kind of took it with me and I hope you don't mind although Jennie keeps on stealing it in the middle of the night in her sleep...She then wakes up and says that she thought that it was me that she was hugging." You said with a grin and looked again at the picture, meeting her eyes that were even glimmering in the picture. The sunset kept warming you up and it was just how Chaeyoung's hugs felt. You were about to say more when you felt something furry nuzzle into your arm that was resting behind you as you leaned back, holding yourself up with your arms. Looking at whatever it was that was rubbing against you to see a small tuxedo kitten. You moved your hand and picked it up, the kitten letting you do just that and you placed it in your lap.

"What're you doing here?" You questioned and looked to see that it didn't have a collar, inspecting quickly to see it was a girl. She purred and you placed her back down in your lap, petting the kitten as you looked at her. "You're so cute." You cooed and pouted at the tiny kitten as she was so cuddly, reminding you of Chaeyoung who always clung to you for hugs and cuddles. The feline made herself comfortable in your lap as she lay down with you scratching her head. "I'm gonna keep on coming every week to visit you and talk...I really don't want you to feel like you are alone." You spoke to Chaeyoung after looking up from the kitten. There was just one thing that would never sit right with you even if you moved on and kept on living your life. There would always be one thing that would always bug you. That there would always be a presence missing no matter how much time would pass.

"I still think that it's ok to miss you even if I am supposed to move on with life." You stated as a matter of fact, there was no way that you would ever just not miss her. You moved the kitten out of your lap, placed it beside you and grabbed the flowers. "Oh come on." You complained when the feline attacked them, pulling off a few petals so you pushed her away as she didn't seem too fond of flowers. Getting on your feet, you ignored how your shoelaces were being tugged at and your shoes probably getting ruined by the claws and you put the flowers on the gravestone. "You're the bestest friend I could have ever asked for Chaeyoung, I love you." You said and felt how your eyes got a little warmer, closing them to compose yourself and stop yourself from shedding tears. "Be safe and I will be too." You let out a shaky breath and smiled at her one last time.

"Jennie, I swear she followed me all the way from the cemetery." You defended as you held the kitten in your arms, standing right by Jennie's door after entering her room to get a bunch of questions thrown your way about why you had a cat with you. You used your finger and rubbed her nose, her paws gripping onto your finger as she licked it. "So you just...brought her inside with you?" Jennie asked confused as she looked at you holding the kitten, you hummed and shrugged your shoulders. "It's the cat distribution system...I think Chaeyoung reincarnated as a cat. Let's name her Rosé." You said and walked past Jennie who looked a bit baffled as you had inadvertently adopted a kitten just now, well, it was more like the kitten adopted you as she chose you. You were suddenly convinced that this was your best friend reincarnated as a cat because they were quite similar in behaviour.

Jennie got on the bed and crawled over to you as you sat with the kitten in your lap. "You really think that it's her?" Jennie questioned, curious and joined in on petting the feline that was purring, enjoying the moment very much. None of you ever crossed over the possibility of reincarnation and that it's real. Somehow it felt light to think that this could as well be her, it was comforting even if it didn't necessarily have to be true. You would like to believe that it is true. "I'd like to think that it is." You mumbled and Jennie's hand came down to yours, grabbing it as she caressed it with her thumb. "Then it definitely is...I don't think you would mistake your best friend." You chuckled at her words and she could feel how her whole body warmed up as you were finally smiling again without any tears in your eyes or pain in your voice. She could hear and see that you had come to terms with things and found peace.

You looked up at Jennie when she cupped your face and you both leaned in, connecting your lips for a sweet kiss that was no longer filled with salty tears. "I love you." You spoke against her lips and she hummed. "I love you." She said and attached her lips back to yours, but it didn't last long when you pulled away and hissed in slight pain when you felt claws dig into your thigh. Jennie laughed and you pulled Rosé away from you, holding her up as you gave her a look. "I think we should establish some rules here when it comes to the bedroom and Rosé...Cause I don't think any of us, including her, will be comfortable if she's in here when she shouldn't." Jennie stated and you hummed in agreement, a big smile on your face.

You were going to keep each promise and let Chaeyoung continue living through your memory, never forgetting her and always loving her. She was always going to be your best friend and a part of your life. Nothing would ever be the same, but nothing does ever stay the same in the end, whether she would be here or not.

#fanfic #jennie x reader #jennie x g!p reader #rosé x reader #blackpink x reader #park chaeyoung x reader #rosé x g!p reader #angst #fluff #chaeyoung x reader #chaeyoung x g!p reader #rosé angst #blackpink angst #blackpink fanfic #rosé fluff #rosé fanfic

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itstheghostofmypast · 9 months ago

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23.37

(Idol) Kim Hongjoong x (F)Reader

Summary: What could be worse than being in love with someone, than being so close to the person you love yet so far, than laying in their arms, counting the seconds pass by till it all slips away?

Genre: Angst (tinge of fluff?)

Warnings: Autophobia/monophobia

Word Count: 1.2K

Est. Read Time: 10 min

Rating: nc-17

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Banner: @cafekitsune

"Oh, it's giving rich old man vibes- kinda like those men who-" she paused mid-sentence, feeling the intense glare of the man of the hour.

"What?" she scoffed, pulling the soft, drycleaned blankets over her shoulders, pouting at the man.

"When you said you want to spend time with me, did that mean take nonconsensual pictures of me and comment on my sense of fashion?" he asked, eyes still on the laptop screen, sitting cross-legged.

"Well, I meant you, me and a nice movie." huffing she put her phone down and turned to look at him, "Not you, me and our friend 'your laptop'. " sitting up straight she grabbed a cushion, ready to toss it at him, though his head turned, causing her to stop mid-motion- caught red-handed.

"What are you doing?"

"Stretching." with that she placed the pillow down, looking at her reflection through the glass window, trying to tame her hair as she got off the bed and walked over to him, standing right next to him.

He looked up at her, smiling when she leaned down to read the lyrics, "Ah...so this is what you're working on." His fingers reaching for the hem of her -his- shirt, of course, she'd choose this over her actual pyjamas. He got them matching ones, though she would just say they were 'reserved for their bedroom, not a hotel', whatever that meant.

"Are you almost done?" turning to look at him, her breath hitched at the way he was looking- no admiring her, it was always this specific look that had her knees buckling, heart hammering, soul-shaking, hands tremoring-

"You can kiss me, you know?"

His words caught her off guard, taking a minute to process then realising he had a smug smirk, cocking his head to the side as he looked up at her- and he ruined it.

Clicking her tongue she pulled back, rolling her eyes before making her way back to the bed. Crawling to her side before flopping down and glaring at the ceiling, "If you were going to work, shouldn't have called me then." with a sigh she pulled the covers back around her, snuggling onto her pillow, "I could've slept alone back at home too- at least that way I wouldn't have to take the bus to work as I'll do tomorrow."

Being with Hongjoong came with its perks, the man spent well on himself and his loved ones, he was caring and sweet, he was sensitive and never rushed her or forced her to do anything she didn't want to, he respected her boundaries; physical and abstract- but for everything that made him oh so perfect, came a factor that reminded her of how he too was after all just a human- he was a workaholic. It's not like she didn't know this beforehand, both were aware of this setback, but perhaps the blooming relationship had them them attached by the hip, willing to bend enough to let the other climb up.

Although that didn't change how much she loved him, yet, at times like these, when he would call her, claiming to spend time together only to have her just there would make her feel as if their relationship had just become no different than a duty- where the dissonance was part of the ordeal, an analysis paralysis that would drag in one partner while the other deemed the relationship to be but a mundane chore, a requirement to be filled- there were times she'd wonder maybe if he was tired, they were way past their honeymoon phase, perhaps they were only together because this 'situation' was just comfortable. Perhaps she was waiting for the moment of dread, for him to finally slip away, turning her November cold and bitter once more.

The sudden warmth shook her awake- well, actually he shook her awake, before snuggling closer, spooning her, "Sorry." That's all he'd say and she'd melt, no longer wrapped in her dilemma, perhaps she was just a foolish girl, too love-struck to see the curve ball, perhaps she was a foolish girl fully aware that in the morning he'd be gone, while she'd be mourning, trying to hold onto the memory of him.

For someone as careful as her, it scared her how it took no less than three days for him to change the world around her, with the wind feeling just right and the gold of the sun never too bright- she knew that deep down she was but a girl who was too caught up in the whim, too caught up with him, a girl who was, lovesick.

"How long?" she whispered, feeling his arms tighten around her, pulling her closer as he tangled their legs together, the material of his pants soothing her burning skin, a nostalgic blanket wrapping them in its arms, humming the usual melancholic hymn.

"A few days." his words were soft, just like his touch, his fingers caressing the skin under her hoodie, trying to soothe himself more than her, "Just a few days and I'll be back." Repeating a bit louder, as if to convince himself- well, he was trying to convince himself, but he needed her to know, he needed her to feel the same as she did when he first met her, he needed her to hold onto him, to keep him grounded, to keep his head afloat and above the water.

"I'll be waiting..." she yawned, placing her hand on his, "Just like always." Closing her eyes she took a breath, trying to remain calm, though the way her body quivered had his stiffen, a shaky breath leaving his lips as he buried his face in her hair, letting her scent engulf his senses, flooding them in all his being, making sure all his mind, body and soul knew were her, now and forever.

"Thank you." his muffled voice caught her ears, and she choked on her words, choosing to only nod at the statement, hand gripping his forearm and trying to pull him closer and much to her pleasure he followed her lead, almost on top of her, too guilt-ridden to object- for how could he object, who was he to object when she had endured everything, for the past many years, standing by his side, in the shadows, a quiet spectator, a lover within the confines of secrecy, letting up on her own freedom and happiness that came with many suitors, only to stay by his side, to support him from the corners of his heart, reminding him of his worth and value- after all he was nothing but a boy who was just lovesick.

"I love you, Joong." her words echoed within the cold corridors of his heart, filling them with her warmth as he nodded, humming in approval, sniffing quietly, trying not to breakdown at the feeling of her fingers tracing his arm, both laying in the dark, in the cold, in the silence of the night. Knowing that tomorrow they will be mere strangers, one leaving the room before the other, only to meet whenever he is able to slip away from work, sneaking away from the prying eyes, trying to hold onto whatever form of personal life and relationships he still had the blessing of calling his own, of calling her his own, because no matter what Kim Hongjong went through, the self-doubts, the isolation, the pressure, the anxiety and stress, he was sure of one thing- that at the end of the day when the world chose only to see him as the celebrity he was, she saw him for who he was, for who he could be without feeling the pressure suffocate him, pulling him back to the surface and into her arms.

"I love you."

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @marsvillee @the-cereal-simp @mlysalt @spooo00oky

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toournextadventure · 2 years ago

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everyone but her pt.18

Summary: Wednesday goes with you to visit your family. It's loud, it's chaotic, it's ridiculous, they're too accepting, it's all just too much. And the worst part? She almost enjoys it.

Word Count: 10.7k Warnings: Swearing, mentions of grief Pairing: Wednesday x Reader (everyone but her Masterlist) Taglist: @extinctspino @basichextechml @cfvgbhndun-new-blog @jinxscatbomb @awolfcsworld @suzhiman @gengen64 @eclipsesmoonshine14 @alexkolax @thenextdawn @cacciatricediartemide @cozwaenot @the-night-owl-blr @natashasapphic @parkersmyth @alilbitlesbian @irish-piece-of-trash @rainbow-love4ever @audigay @bakugounuggets @myfturn @rockwyn @bigbadsofty07

Wednesday was starting to regret agreeing to meet your family.

You had called them that next morning, going outside to talk for what ended up being three whole hours. She had watched you pace the yard, lay on the grass, kick rocks, and use your wings to hover above the ground for short spans of time. How you managed to stay on the phone for that long, she had no earthly idea. But then you came in and said they were more than happy for her to visit for two weeks, and everything was set.

After packing, she was sitting in the library waiting for you to get back. You had made one more weekend trip to see Nicky before going further South where it would be more difficult to make the trip. It was admirable how you always found a way to see him no matter how far away you were.

And now you were back, practically jogging to the car with the bags and talking as if your life depended on it. Maybe to you it did. Or was it your nerves taking over and not giving anyone time to argue or disagree? Whatever it was, you seemed excitedly nervous.

You had tried to convince them to take the train, but Wednesday wasn’t having it. Take the train down, then we’ll head to the bus, then Tio will pick us up from the bus station, you had said. The entire Addams family had let you know that it wasn’t necessary, Lurch could drive you both down. It was simpler that way. It took a bit of convincing but you reluctantly agreed.

The closer you got to your house, the more nervous you got. Your incessantly shaking leg was almost enough to rock the whole car when it would pull up to stops. There was a tuneless hum that started to pick up as time went on. In what turned out to be the final stretch, Wednesday noticed you even started to pick at your fingers. A nasty habit, really.

“You can stop down here,” you said to Lurch before he could get the car started up a dirt path. “It’s easier to walk.”

Wednesday gave you a look, but you just shrugged and gave her a hesitant smile. She hoped you knew she wasn’t questioning your motives, just the fact that it appeared that there would be a hike to your house. Would it not be better to drive up?

“Your ancient car will get stuck,” you said when you practically shoved Wednesday out of the car. “I can grab the bags.”

And grab them you did, slinging your duffel bag over your shoulder before picking up Wednesday’s suitcase. You leaned over and gave an enthusiastic “Bye, Lurch!” before watching the car pull away. Only once it was out of sight did she feel you reach down and grab her hand. Not intertwining your fingers, but simply holding it and leading her up the dirt path.

“They know not to hug,” you said, “but Pop and Grandpa might still reach out for a handshake.” The path got steeper. “And Tio might still go for a hug, he doesn’t really listen.” How did any of you traverse this path regularly?

You continued to talk as you led her further up the path that was becoming more and more surrounded by trees. Pretty soon the branches covered the path, creating almost an archway until she could see a house in the distance. A log cabin, more accurately. It sat in the middle of a clearing along with a few smaller buildings; a barn and what looked to be two or three tool sheds. The path continued to a crooked gate, and you let go of her hand to open it and usher her in before closing it behind you.

“Don’t mind the dogs,” you said as you gestured your head over to the right. Yes, there within another contained fence were three dogs that looked bigger than her. “We’re pet-sitting for the neighbours.” It was impressive that they weren’t barking.

Oh, if only your family was as well behaved.

The front screen door of the house was thrown open with such force it nearly shook off its hinges. Instinctively, Wednesday took a step back and you quickly maneuvered yourself slightly in front of her, just enough to be a barrier. She was not prepared for the amount of voices or people that came out of a cabin that did not look big enough to hold them all.

“You’re here!” A small voice screamed.

You dropped both bags and stepped forward with outstretched arms which were almost instantly filled with two young children with matching tight curly hair. They giggled as you squeezed them tight, alternating kisses on their cheeks. The rest of your family was close behind as you set the children down.

“She’s real?!” The oldest girl said in an accented voice. Australian, maybe.

“I told you,” the oldest boy retorted with a smirk. “You owe me ten bucks.”

“I think she’s pretty,” a younger girl said with a smile in Wednesday’s direction. She had almost forgotten how unsettling little kids could be.

“So does Y/N,” the last boy said with a smirk.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you cut in quickly, taking your place in front of Wednesday once again. She noticed the blush on your cheeks. “Pace yourselves.”

“Sorry,” they all mumbled.

Wednesday listened dutifully as you introduced everyone; it was overwhelming, to say the least. There were too many people, too many names, too many things to keep track of. Part of her wondered why it even mattered if she met all of them or remembered who they were. Sure, they were your family, but they clearly weren’t your blood.

But as she watched your face, saw your toothy smile and sparkling eyes and heard your laugh, she realised it didn’t matter. They were your family whether they were blood or not. And truthfully, you had met her family, as large as it was. You had met as many extended family members as you could at the Addams’ Ball a few months ago. Surely she could meet the few people that you called family.

“Go take these inside,” you said, handing the duffel bag and the suitcase to… Alex and Daniel? Possibly? “Be very careful with Wednesday’s bag.”

“But not yours?” The younger boy - Daniel? - asked with a smile.

“Get inside,” you huffed, using your hands to guide all the children back inside.

A sigh fell from your lips once the kids were far enough away. Wednesday didn’t know how to describe it, but you looked tired already. Not in a bad way, you didn’t look sad, but there was a weariness on your face. Almost as if you looked older, a little more worn.

“Welcome home, baby,” an older woman said in a Southern accent as she walked closer and pulled you into a hug. You practically towered over her when you hugged her back.

“Hey Momma,” you said before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Everyone okay?”

“Everyone’s fine, baby bird,” she said with a smile, pulling back. “Lovely to finally meet you, Miss Addams.”

“You as well,” Wednesday said. It was awkward, a little unusual to be called Miss Addams so casually.

"I'm sorry it's so crazy," your mother continued while wiping her hands off on an apron tied around her waist. "Y/N told us you weren't big on touch. The kids will settle down in a day or two."

"It's quite alright-"

“-Where is mi pollito?” A man called out, and Wednesday saw your brows furrow as you let out a huff before being bearhugged by a man almost as tall as you. He must be your Tio. “You look terrible, what happened?”

“I came to visit your sorry ass,” you mumbled back, but Wednesday could see the smallest smile on your face. “Do you know how exhausting that is?”

“Behave,” another man’s voice called out, thick and slow and almost painfully Southern. Much thicker than your mother’s. He gave her a toothy grin; even though he was missing a few. “Nice ta meet ya, Wensdy.”

“Pop,” you said with a sigh after noticing what was most likely confusion on Wednesday’s face.

“What?” He said. “That’s how ya say it, ain’t it?” You both smiled at each other.

"You know it's not," you replied quietly.

"Did she prepare you for this?" Your father asked her, to which she shook her head. No, you hadn’t prepared her for this, not in the slightest. "Figures," he tsked.

“Where’s everybody else?” You asked, trying to change the subject.

“Inside,” your Tio said. “Abuelita is making tamales and C is bossing her around.”

“Lord help us,” your mother said with an exhausted sigh. “Everyone inside before they kill each other.”

The adults walked back to the house, leaving you and Wednesday standing in the yard. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. That was far too much all at once, far too many people. How did you live like this? How did you manage to keep yourself sane when there were so many people around at all times?

“I’m sorry,” you said softly, “I told them not to come out all at once.”

You almost looked guilty. Was this what you had talked to them about for so long the other week? She almost hoped not, that meant you cared. It meant you cared a lot and took her preferences into account. That was terrifying. To know that you cared enough to tell your entire family to be careful. It was almost painful, really.

“Do you need a minute?” You asked when Wednesday stayed silent. “It’s crazy inside, so we can sit outside for a minute if you need to.”

What she needed was for you to stop being so considerate, it was becoming uncomfortable. Yes she wanted a minute, that was a lot of people. But she didn’t want you to think she couldn’t handle it. She was an Addams, she could handle anything that was put in front of her.

“Let’s go,” she said before grabbing your hand.

For safety, of course.

"Okay then,” you chuckled softly, dragging her to the house and through the screen patio door. "Buckle up, Addams."

You were right. It was absolute chaos inside. The small entry hallway had seemed normal with framed photographs lining the wall - she noticed a few with you in it, you looked young - but once you brought her to the main room, she understood what you meant. Children’s toys littered the floor, she could hear everyone talking, sounds were coming from the kitchen that was connected to the main room.

It was too loud, and too much, and everything all at once.

“Try not to trip,” you said as you pulled her again, heading to the open kitchen. She did her best to step over the toys. Something cracked when she stepped down; she hoped it wasn't broken.

“Be careful,” Daniel said; he was sitting on the couch with his nose in a book. “Abuelita is on the warpath.”

“Great,” you mumbled, “she better behave.”

When you finished pulling her into the kitchen, she noted almost all the adults were there, plus a few she hadn’t seen yet. A man that looked practically ancient - possibly older than Grandmama - was standing near the counter with a grin. His fangs were prominently displayed when he laughed. Then there was a woman that looked a little older than your father. Her black skin and stunningly coiled hair matched the twins; it must be your Auntie C. Then there was the old Mexican lady arguing with your aunt while expertly preparing tamales.

Your Abeulita, of course.

“Welcome home, puișor,” your grandfather called from across the kitchen in yet another accented voice, silencing everyone that had previously been talking. “And it's a pleasure to meet you, Wednesday."

“About time,” your aunt said with a sigh, “Abuelita needs some help.” She stopped for just a second to look at Wednesday with raised brows and a knowing smirk. "Well, aren't you cute."

“Why can't you help?” You shot back before Wednesday could question the comment. Tio laughed from his spot at the table where he was also helping with tamales.

“If I help, I’m gonna kill someone,” she answered before looking over at Wednesday. “You’re Latina, you can help too.”

“C.”

“Watch it,” you and your father reprimanded together.

“Am I wrong?” She asked.

“You can’t just say that.”

“Who says I can’t?”

“She just got here-”

“-That’s enough!” Your father shouted again, bringing yours and your aunt’s argument to a sudden halt. “C, take a hike,” he said in a calmer voice, “Y/N, help your Abuelita.” Your aunt sighed and walked past Wednesday to get to the living room.

“I was hoping he would do that,” she whispered to Wednesday before laughing and walking away. You pulled Wednesday over to the table, gave your Abuelita a kiss on the cheek, and everyone got to work.

Oh, Wednesday liked your aunt. If that was who she was going to get to interact with the entire trip, this was going to be fun. Someone who also liked to raise hell, question authority, do as she wished. It was a stark contrast to you who, even though you very much did all of those things, you still obeyed, you desired that approval. It was beyond evident in the way you preened when any of the adults told you “good job” or any sort of positive verbal reinforcement.

From her spot at the table, she was right in front of your Tio and right beside your Abuelita. Your Abuelita and Tio showed her how to make the tamales, and she had to hold her laughter in when they refused to teach you in English. She caught on quickly and started talking to them in Spanish, which got another rise out of you.

"You know I don't know all of those words," you huffed after Abuelita explained precisely how to do the next step. In Spanish, of course.

Abuelita only laughed in response, and Tio gave Wednesday a wink when she met his eyes. She liked them, she decided. Liked the casual way they went about the chaos, picking and choosing when to interact with others, more often than not just minding their own business. It was respectable. It helped keep her heart from jumping up her throat in anxiety.

Dinner was an entirely different affair altogether and Wednesday, for what would be the first of many instances during the trip, was unsure of what to do. After all the prep, all the nonstop, loud talking, all the cooking, it was finally time to eat. Instead of everyone sitting at the table, they scattered. Grabbing their plates, getting their food, and going off to the living room or outside or wherever else they could find a space.

She sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen and watched you while the chaos unfolded. Took note of the way you had Alysah on your hip with a plate in your hand, talking with her and getting her food. Then after placing her on the floor in the living room, you did the same with Jamie, even though he seemed far more talkative. You looked older when you were helping them. More responsible, even.

“What do you want?” You asked, drawing Wednesday out of her thoughts. She hadn’t even seen you come over. “I’ll make your plate.”

“I’m not helpless,” Wednesday shot back; she noticed your aunt chuckle, clearly eavesdropping.

“I know, Wends,” you said with a slight uptick of your mouth, “now what do you want?”

She glared at you for a moment, waiting for you to take the offer back, but you didn’t. With a sigh, she told you, and you mouthed a “thank you” before standing back up and grabbing everything. This, she realised, is what you enjoyed. Being helpful, doing things for others. Where had you learned it? Where had you learned to be so selfless?

And how had you taken a liking to her, who lived quite selfishly?

The thought made her sick to her stomach. She couldn’t bring herself to eat when her stomach was rolling and she couldn’t stop feeling like you were one day going to realise she was the opposite of you. She wasn’t going to devote her life to helping others, she wasn’t going to be like her mother, that just wasn’t who she was.

Thankfully no one pointed out how little she had eaten.

Getting ready for bed was another affair entirely. After everyone had sat in the living room and talked and settled after dinner, it was time to get the kids to bed. Wednesday waited dutifully for you to show her where to go, feeling completely lost in the house. Your grandfather pulled you aside and talked to you for a moment and she noted the way he eyed her and, even though a smile pulled at his lips, he shook his head and you sighed.

“Try not to hate me,” you said when you walked back over to Wednesday, “but you’re bunking with Emily and Hailey.”

“And you?” She asked, doing her best to maintain her composure. Your sisters seemed kind, and she had roomed with Enid, she just… wasn’t sure how to interact with them.

“I’m on the couch,” you sighed. “Grandpa made it clear; no sharing rooms.”

“Because?” She asked with a raised brow.

“No sharing rooms with partners until you’re married,” you said with a shrug. “He’s old school.”

Wednesday nodded along before allowing you to grab her hand and lead her up the stairs. Part of her felt humiliated that your entire family could see you both holding hands; public displays of affection was not something she enjoyed. But the other part of her felt comfort that you were staying with her and making sure she didn't feel overwhelmed. Well, she did feel overwhelmed, but you were doing your best.

“You’ll be in my bed,” you said when you finally brought her to the room, and she almost felt right at home.

It gave off the same energy as Enid’s side of the dorm. Pinks and purples and rainbows covered the entire room. How did you manage to sleep in it? Bunk beds were on one wall while the other held a single bed covered in too many blankets. Clearly yours. Her suitcase was already sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’ll be on the couch downstairs if you need me, okay?” You said after everyone had brushed their teeth and gotten settled. “And the girls make great company.”

“It’s like a sleepover!” Emily shouted from the bottom bunk.

“You’ll pay for this,” Wednesday whispered to you before you walked out.

“Good luck,” you said in a sing-songy voice. “Good night, girls!”

“Good night!” They called back.

It was going to be a long night.

Your bed was too soft, it felt like she was going to sink through to the floor. The blankets were also too soft, and nowhere near as warm as you were. Not that she was cold, but for some unknown reason, it was unusual to be sleeping away from you. Maybe it was the fact that she was in your bed without you, she wasn’t sure.

Her eyes roamed your side of the room. There were two or three posters taped to the ceiling, bands that she didn’t know about. A few photos hung from a piece of string going across the wall over the bed, each one a photo of you with someone else. She couldn’t tell in the dark, but one looked like a photo of you and Nicky when you were younger.

Where had Nicky slept when he had come home? Did he sleep with Alex and Daniel the same way you roomed with Hailey and Emily? Or was it completely different? His presence, from what she had seen, was still littered throughout the house in picture frames. How had everyone else handled him being gone for so long?

The train of thought was going down a dangerous path, and Wednesday felt her heart starting to race again. Would your presence have been remembered the same way if you had been in his position? If that werewolf had hurt you worse than it had, would your family treat it the same? Would you be remembered in photographs that would hang on the walls?

She needed you before her mind started to convince her that you were the one gone, not Nicky.

Her brain raced with thoughts, planning how she could get away with you coming up, or her going down. She couldn’t simply forgo the rules your grandfather had laid out, it was clearly a well established one. No, there had to be a reason, something she could get away with.

Ah. She had a brilliant idea.

She waited just a moment, listening to the hushed, even breaths coming from your sisters before letting out a scream. Not too loud as to wake everyone else up, but for your sisters to also scream and wake up. She had to push down her smile when your sisters jumped out of bed.

“Are you okay?” Hailey asked as she practically fell onto the floor and padded over.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Emily asked, peeking over the side of the bunk bed.

“Yes,” Wednesday said, doing her best to make her voice sound sleepy. “It was a terrible nightmare.”

“I get those sometimes too,” Emily said.

“You should sleep with Y/N,” Hailey mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her accent was thicker when she was half-asleep.

“She makes the bad dreams go away,” Emily chimed in as she climbed down the ladder.

“Maybe you’re right,” Wednesday said, sitting up and planting her feet on the floor. “I suppose it’s worth a try.” She should have felt an ounce of guilt for using your sisters in her devious plan.

She didn't.

“Come on,” Emily said. Wednesday tried not to flinch when she felt a cold little hand grab her own. “We’ll take you to her.”

The entire house seemed to creak under the three sets of feet making their way down the carpeted hallway. Wednesday would need to learn where those spots were so she could avoid them over the next two weeks. Then down the carpeted stairs that squeaked every two steps; an easy pattern to memorise. One turn down the hall and there you were on the living room couch.

She was glad it was so dark because then your sisters would have seen her smile. You were completely sprawled out on the couch, the single blanket tangled around your legs, one of which was hanging off and the other was hoisted onto the back of the couch. An arm was also hanging off the couch while your other was over your head and your mouth was slightly open. She could hear your soft snores.

Hailey walked forward with a purpose while Emily continued to hold Wednesday’s hand. The older girl kicked your foot just once and your snore cut off quickly as you sat straight up. Your hair was a mess and your eyes were wide and unseeing.

“Who's hurt?” You asked immediately, trying to stand up. Your legs got stuck in the blanket around your legs and you fell to the ground. Hard. “Fuck.”

“No one is hurt,” Hailey said. She didn’t even bother helping you up to your feet.

“What happened?” You groaned as you managed to push yourself up, the blanket falling from around your waist and legs onto the floor. Wednesday turned her gaze away when she noticed you were only wearing boxers and a loose tank.

“Wednesday had a bad dream,” Emily said as she finally pulled Wednesday closer.

“Is that so?” You asked, your voice sounding more awake and your eyes seemingly searching into her soul. “A bad dream?”

“She screamed,” Hailey said.

“Screamed?” You asked, your eyes starting to crinkle at the corners.

“It was horrifying,” Wednesday said with a tilt of her head.

“Must have been,” you continued.

“I told her you scare off the bad dreams,” Emily said proudly.

“You’re right,” you said with a smile as you patted the top of her head. In turn, Emily gave Wednesday’s hand for you to hold. Thankfully you did. “Thank you for bringing her down.”

“Let’s go back to bed,” Hailey said, reaching her own hand out to Emily. “Good night.”

“Have good dreams, Wednesday,” Emily whisper-shouted before they rounded the corner and went back to their room.

“You screamed?” You asked after a few moments, turning to look at her. “Really?”

“I’ve been known to have nightmares on occasion,” she defended.

“You like nightmares,” you argued.

“It was exponentially more terrifying than normal.”

“You’re so full of shit,” you said quickly.

You fell back onto the couch, but your interlocked fingers caused her to fall down with you. With a skill that came from someone who regularly slept on the couch, you hooked your foot underneath the blanket and brought it back up. Your back was pressed against the back of the couch and Wednesday quickly fit herself to your position.

“Stop terrorising my sisters,” you mumbled as you wrapped your arm around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer.

“Would you prefer I terrorise your brothers?” She asked, to which you only chuckled.

“Good night, Wednesday.”

She didn’t verbally answer, just pulled your arm tighter around her and let herself drift off to sleep.

—---

The next few days went off without a hitch. Yes, everyone was still too loud and too much and there were just too many people in general, but it got easier. Emily was really the only one that was handsy with Wednesday, aside from you, and even that was simply holding hands. It was uncomfortable at first, but she quickly got used to it.

The adults in your family were kind as well. Your Tio made it a point to talk to her all the time, usually in Spanish, and even played a few songs on the guitar for her. All the younger kids did their dances, laughing to the music. That too was unusual for Wednesday, but it seemed like something that happened regularly in the house.

You had gotten a scolding from your grandfather once he realised Wednesday was sleeping down on the couch with you. She couldn’t hear the discussion, but could see the genuine attempt to persuade him. It didn’t appear to be working until Hailey cut in, telling her piece, and eventually your grandfather sighed and nodded.

She pretended not to notice you slip some cash into Hailey’s hand.

It was a change, a rather big one in fact, to live in a house where everyone had designated chores. Not that Wednesday was incapable or unwilling, but she had grown up with Lurch. Now she was helping you take care of the animals you were pet sitting, cleaning out the stable which was currently housing two horses, a dairy cow, and more than a handful of goats.

Those goats were the devil’s spawn, that’s what Wednesday believed.

“When are they leaving?” Wednesday asked when the grey goat - Steve - bumped into the back of her legs again.

“Steve is ours,” you said with a smile as you continued brushing one of the horses. “So he’s staying.”

“Of course he is,” Wednesday mumbled, turning to glare at Steve. He simply glared back before ramming into her leg.

It took everything in her power not to lock him in one of the stalls.

“Don’t mess with him,” you said, finally turning around. It was as if you had read her thoughts. “This is his house.”

“He needs to treat his guests better,” Wednesday grumbled again. She could feel him chewing on her shoelace. “The wrong person might turn him into dinner.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you said with a glare as you put your tools back to their proper place. This, Wednesday realised, was one of the few places you stayed organised and everything was back in its proper place.

“One more chance,” she said.

Steve rammed the back of her knees, forcing her to stumble forward.

Oh, he was going to be dinner before she left this place.

Everyone in your family became increasingly casual as time went on. No more “Miss Addams,” no more watching what they said (although your aunt never did), no more niceties for the sake of being polite. They gave her separate chores from you, treated her no different than the other kids, even berated her if she argued with Alex. It was torturous.

“Kids in the car,” your father called out one afternoon while everyone was sitting on the ground playing Monopoly. Wednesday swore she had never seen such violence in her life. It was beautiful.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked as he happily swept everything off the board to a chorus of “heys” and “seriously?”

“Gotta pick somethin’ up in town,” he said, “figured y’all might want some ice cream.”

Both you and Wednesday flinched at the screams and cheers that came from everyone’s mouths. It died down quickly enough when your father ushered everyone outside. You took your time gathering the pieces of the game and putting it all away, your face entirely emotionless.

Wednesday knelt down to help you, using it more as an excuse to keep an eye on you than to actually help. The past week had given her plenty of time to learn some of your tells, and one of them was keeping your face neutral when something potentially triggering came up. She actually felt proud of herself for catching this one.

“You can fly and meet us there,” Wednesday offered. You didn’t look up, but she took note of the miniscule movement near the corner of your mouth.

“I’m good,” you said softly, “it’s a short trip.” The game was finally picked up and you turned your head to look at her with a closed-mouth smile. “But thank you.”

You didn’t give her a chance to reply before grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet, guiding her out of the house. A chorus of adults called out their “see ya laters” as the patio door swung shut. The older two were relaxed in the bed of the truck while the younger ones were buckled in safely in the cab.

“Hop in,” you said, pulling Wednesday’s hand to ease her into the bed of the truck with Alex and Hailey. It was uncomfortable climbing into it, but she managed and you were quick to follow suit.

You plopped yourself down and knocked on the back window three times, and off you went. All three of you looked far too relaxed and comfortable, as if this wasn’t your first time. Clearly it wasn’t, of course, but you couldn’t have made it more obvious.

On the other hand, Wednesday was surprisingly nervous. She had never ridden in the back of a truck before, hadn’t felt the wind blow her hair around or hear it rushing past her ears. The only thing keeping her sane was your arm wrapped tight around her back, holding her as close as you could without outright pulling her into your lap.

It was about a 25 minute drive into town; she had never realised you lived so far away from civilization. That must have been nice, it explained why you could have so many people in one house. She understood the desire to be away, her own family lived away from the hustle and bustle as well.

You, Alex, and Hailey were all standing up and hopping out of the truck before it pulled to a complete stop; Wednesday wouldn’t admit it put a lump in her throat, but you seemed confident enough. Only once the truck was at a full stop did you reach out to help, grabbing her by the waist and lifting her out and back to the ground.

The warmth of your hands was comforting.

“Alright Big Bird, you’re in charge,” your father said as he handed you a small wad of cash. “I’ll meet y’all back here in half an hour.”

“Yes sir,” you said with a nod, and he started walking down the small sidewalk. “Alright team, buddy up and let’s go.”

Clearly this was something you all did often, because everyone seemed to move like a well oiled machine. Hailey and Alex stood near each other while you let one of the twins on your back while you carried the other. Emily and Daniel went to either side of Wednesday and grabbed each of her hands. It was difficult to fight the instinct to pull away.

“So we don’t get lost,” Emily said with a smile. Wednesday looked down at both of her linked hands before nodding once. It was sound logic, she supposed.

“Lead the way, Lex,” you called out, and the group started moving.

The little hands holding hers were warm, but nowhere near like yours. Although she would admit, she was getting disgustingly accustomed to it at this point. Before you, she would have found this whole trip unnecessary. Your buddy system, your carrying the twins, going for ice cream, the whole thing. But everyone was smiling and talking and you looked almost peaceful as you listened to the twins ramble about one thing or another.

She supposed it wasn’t all that bad.

“Hey Johnson clan,” the kid behind the counter called out when everyone walked into the small ice cream parlor. “Long time no see.”

“Hey, Bo,” you answered as you set the twins on the floor. “How ya been?”

“Not too bad,” he - Bo - said with a smile. “The usual?”

“That’d be great,” you said, and Bo nodded once before getting started on whatever “the usual” was. “Get settled, I'll bring it over."

Wednesday let everyone lead her to a booth near the window - rather similar to the booth she frequented at the Weathervane - as she watched you approach the counter. You talked to Bo, casually leaning against the counter while he worked. There must have been some sort of acquaintanceship there for you to act so nonchalant. Did you smile at her like that when she wasn't watching?

"Uh oh," Daniel said.

The whole group turned their heads when the bell above the door rang. Three high schoolers walked in, one girl and two boys. Their overly flashy jackets were enough to give Wednesday a migraine, but what caught her attention was the way your body froze when you caught the girl's eye. Who was she, Wednesday wondered.

"That's Ash," Daniel said aloud. How had he known her thoughts? "Y/N's ex."

Oh. Instead of the usual rushing of her pulse where you were concerned, her heart now felt frozen. You had never mentioned an ex, at least not to her. Wednesday supposed she was pretty, though quite the opposite of herself. More boisterous, obnoxiously bubbly, like she wanted to be Enid but could never pull it off. How had your taste changed so drastically, because Wednesday was nothing like that girl.

What were you doing to her? Now you had her comparing herself to someone else? She was going to have a serious talk with you about this.

“What are they saying?” Hailey asked, doing her best not to stare at you and the small group surrounding you.

“I read minds, not lips,” Daniel huffed. Of course, Wednesday thought. That makes sense.

“Then what are they thinking?” Hailey asked with a roll of her eyes.

“Nosey,” Alex mumbled.

Wednesday kept her mouth shut because, quite frankly, she wanted to know too. Although she hid her curiosity by pretending to watch Emily and the twins colour on the papers on the table. She had no idea what they were drawing, but they seemed to be having fun. It gave her a certain warmth in her chest.

She blinked once at the revelation.

Oh damn you.

“Ash thinks she’s pretty,” Daniel said. He wasn’t looking up, instead drawing his own picture. Meanwhile, you looked uncomfortable as your foot tapped the ground and you kept shifting weight from leg to leg.

“Ew,” Emily grumbled. Everyone failed at hiding their smiles, even Wednesday couldn’t help herself. But only for a moment before she was back to her usual demeanor.

“One of the meatheads thinks she’s pretty too.” Now that was infuriating. If there hadn’t been children around, Wednesday might have had something to say.

“And the other one?” Alex asked. He was eying the whole group carefully, as if he was prepared to jump in at any point. “The one looking at us?” That same one said something, and your eyes flitted over to where everyone was sitting at the table.

“He thinks Wednesday is pretty,” Daniel said with a disgusted frown.

“He needs to keep his eyes to himself,” Hailey practically growled. She sounded like Enid. “Before I claw them out-”

“-She’s gonna kill him.”

Everyone froze for a split second before their heads turned to look at the group once again. Wednesday could see how tightly your jaw was clenched and the way your eyes squinted just so. The muscles of your forearms were pulled taught as your hands were balled into fists so tight that she could have sworn your knuckles were about to split.

“Alex-”

“-I’m on it,” Alex said, immediately walking over to where you were standing.

The moment he put his hand on your arm, you visibly relaxed. Your head turned to face him and all the anger had faded, turning into something akin to a soft protectiveness. She couldn’t see what Alex was saying to you, but you nodded absentmindedly and said something to the group before pulling Alex over to the counter to grab the ice creams Bo was sliding over to you.

And then one of the guys said something and you moved to turn, but Alex’s hand gripped your arm. Not just touched you, but gripped you, holding you still and stopping you from turning around to face them again. From where she was sitting, Wednesday couldn’t properly see what was going on, couldn’t see the look on your face, but she knew that tenseness in your shoulders.

You were furious, and someone was going to be on the receiving end.

Alex pulled you to the counter and slid a few ice creams over, which you eventually took with shaking hands. He left first, walking ahead of you so you had something to focus on, and you dutifully followed behind. There was still a fire in your eyes, but you kept them glued to the back of his head.

“Hey,” Ash called out, and you stopped in your tracks without turning around. “If you’re ever free-”

“-I’m not,” you interrupted before immediately finishing your walk to the table and sitting down beside Wednesday.

She watched your face carefully as you handed out ice creams, sliding specific flavours to each sibling. You looked passive, but she could see the gears still turning behind your eyes. Whatever they had said to you wasn’t sitting well. It was evident in the way you only half listened to everyone’s talking.

The hair on the back of Wednesday’s neck stood up when she felt someone watching her. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was because the group had sat not too far away from your table. Her mind kept replaying what Daniel had said. Ash thinks she’s pretty. That wasn’t sitting well with Wednesday, not at all, especially now that she knew Ash was an ex girlfriend.

In a split second decision, Wednesday leaned up to leave a soft, lingering kiss on your cheek, reveling in the way your body froze underneath her before leaning into her touch. You were smiling when she pulled away. In her peripheral vision she could see the look of absolute shock on Ash’s face. A smirk tugged at her own lips as she looked down and took the second spoon sticking out of the ice cream in between you both.

Now this made public affection worth it.

—---

The last full day of the trip started with chaos, as did every other day. Except this was different; the day started before the sun was even up.

Well. Technically it had started the night before.

Wednesday was sitting on the porch swing in the back with Daniel while the younger kids ran around with the goats. Alex and Hailey were down at the creek and you were in the kitchen preparing something for the next day. Something you had said would cook overnight. She didn’t understand, but you seemed confident that she would like it. Every now and then, she would see you looking out the door at her and smiling before going back to helping your father.

“She likes you,” Daniel said even though his nose was still in a book. She liked him the most; he kept to himself.

Wednesday just gave him a look, and he shrugged once he finally saw it.

“She won’t say it,” he said softly, “but she thinks you belong here.” She turned her head to look at you again. You were currently arguing with your father over something she couldn’t hear. “And she likes your butt.”

Her cheeks flushed at Daniel’s words; he simply chuckled before returning back to his book, not even phased by whatever thoughts he clearly heard in your head. And yet she couldn’t take her eyes off of you and the way you moved around the kitchen as if you belonged nowhere else. Your hands expertly preparing whatever was on the table, a smile on your face, your laughter at your Tio spilling out of the open back door.

You smiled at her when you passed by, something wrapped in tinfoil resting in your hands as you carried it to the grill. Smoker, Wednesday corrected herself when she remembered what you had told her earlier. A slow cooker, something she had never used before but clearly you knew how to work.

Wednesday watched you place what was in your hands into the smoker and check a few things before making your way to the porch swing where you sat down in between her and Daniel. Desire told her to lean into your side, and even though she could hear all the people around, she listened. She leaned into your side and felt your arm instinctively wrap around her shoulders to pull her close, and she sunk into you.

The wind was getting cool an hour or so later when you nudged her gently, urging her to get up and head inside with everyone else. Everyone bid their good nights and Wednesday immediately curled up with you on the couch. You left kisses on the back of her neck as you slid a hand under her shirt, resting your incredibly hot hand on her stomach before settling down.

Wednesday had been in a deep sleep when movement woke her up.

“Sorry,” you whispered before placing a simple kiss behind her ear as you lifted yourself off the couch. “Go back to sleep, I’ll be right back.”

She stayed still, wrapped up in your blanket as she listened to your feet stumble across the floor. The back door creaked open and the crickets and frogs from outside reached her ears. It had made it difficult to sleep at first, but now she found the sounds comforting. Her mind was at ease while she waited until finally the door creaked and locked and you dragged yourself back to the couch.

"Good night," you whispered with another kiss and an arm around her waist, and she quickly fell asleep again.

Until you got up a second time, not even two hours later. You gave her a kiss on the forehead before getting up, and another kiss when you got back a few minutes later.

And then a third time. This time she grumbled and practically kicked you out when you tried to crawl over her. You hit the ground with a grunt but made your way outside anyway. It took you far longer to come back, and she was almost asleep again when you crawled over her and fell back onto the couch, instantly pulling her into you and falling back asleep.

By the fourth time you got up, Wednesday was tired and grumpy and truthfully she just wanted you to hold her. All this up and down and sleeping and waking up, it was exhausting. When the sun finally started to rise, you were already up again and making coffee while your grandfather and father made their way downstairs.

"Mornin', Wensdy," your father said. She had grown to find his pronunciation of her name tolerable, if not a little endearing.

"Kept you up all night, didn't she?" Your grandfather asked with a chuckle.

She didn't dignify his question with a response. He found that even more funny, judging by his deep laugh.

Through half-lidded eyes, she saw you hand mugs of coffee to your father and grandfather, head them mumble their thanks before walking outside. She would hand it to your family, you all spent a lot of time outside. Practically from the moment you all woke up until you went back to sleep, the outside was where you were all happiest.

As much as she wanted to just change into her usual clothes for the day and get started, she was tired. She wasn’t afraid to admit it, she was tired. So she did what she had seen all of you do for the past two weeks; she left her pyjamas on and went into the kitchen. You were sitting on the bench by the table and trying to blink away the sleep in your eyes.

“Mornin’,” you mumbled as well, your voice still croaky and thick with sleep. “Saved some for you.”

She took the mug from your hands and sighed at the warmth that spread through her fingers. A similar warmth spread through her chest when your arm wrapped around her waist and you pulled her down to sit on your lap. You were ruining her, she thought when she didn’t even flinch. No, she just let herself sit on your lap and let your chin rest on her shoulder.

Everyone eventually made their way down into the kitchen by the time Wednesday finished her coffee. You were finally looking more awake and ready for the day, and you even pressed a kiss to her cheek before standing up, placing Wednesday on her feet before taking the empty mug and washing them in the sink.

Emily grabbed Wednesday’s hand and pulled her back down to the bench before you could bring her outside. For your sake, she pretended not to notice the slightest pout on your face when you noticed you had been beaten to the punch. But you put on a brave face and went out the back, and soon everyone was moving around.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Emily asked once everyone had started eating breakfast.

“What’s tonight?” Wednesday asked, and she could feel the energy in the room shift.

“We’re having a bomfire!” Emily cheered.

“It’s bonfire, Em,” Alex corrected her as he too walked out the back to join you and your group.

“For your last night,” your Abuelita said, softly enough so you couldn’t hear her speaking English. Wednesday aspired to be that woman. The level of pettiness was incredible.

“Y/N even agreed to bring out Nicky’s fiddle,” your mother said with a soft smile.

“She should leave it alone,” Hailey mumbled into her cereal.

“Hey,” your aunt cut in. “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, keep your mouth shut.”

“Well she should,” Hailey continued. “She’s not even as good as he is.”

“She’s aware, Hail,” your mother said with a sigh.

Wednesday had a feeling this conversation had occurred before. If not this particular conversation, then the topic itself. She had noticed the way everyone acted when anything involving Nicky came up. Whether it was a family photo, a book, a movie, he was there. It was as if his memory was sitting in the corner, waiting for everyone to notice and remember that he wasn’t gone, he would never truly be gone.

If his tidied, untouched side of the room wasn’t enough of a display of everyone’s feelings, this certainly was.

“I think she’s good,” Emily said, drawing everyone out of the sour mood. “She makes funny faces when she messes up,” she giggled.

“She’s always got a funny face,” Daniel said around his mouth full of eggs.

“That’s just how I look,” you said, making all the kids jump and instantly look guilty. Wednesday got joy out of their guilt. Immense joy. “I was born this way.”

“Everyone start behavin’ and eatin’ your breakfast,” your mother said. “We’ve got a lot of work to do before we can have fun.”

A chorus of “yes, mommas” rang throughout the kitchen, and everyone essentially inhaled their food before getting to work. Wednesday was impressed until your mother put her to work while you were sent out to help your Tio and father start preparing the outside area.

It was a madhouse the entire day. More than once she had tried to escape the kitchen to go see you, getting just close enough for you to pull her around the corner and kiss her. But then your mother would call out and scold her - the nerve that woman had - before practically shooing her back inside to finish helping.

“Let’s get ready,” Emily called out, grabbing Wednesday’s hand and dragging her upstairs. “We’ve got something for you to wear.”

“I have clothes,” Wednesday argued.

“Y/N bought them special for you,” Emily continued.

“She’s so whipped,” Hailey chuckled with a toothy grin.

Wednesday just kept her mouth shut. Why had you picked out clothes for her? She had plenty of her own, she didn’t need any new ones. After all, hadn’t you complained recently about how you couldn’t wait to start working again because you were “broke,” as you put it so bluntly? But when the girls showed her the clothes laid out on the bed, she understood. Did she approve? That was to be determined, but she at least understood.

Everything fit perfectly. A little too well, it was almost suspicious. How had you gotten her exact measurements anyway? She supposed it didn’t matter because the black pants and shirt fit like a glove. Maybe you had a talent she knew nothing about. Would you be a skilled designer?

Who was she kidding, she had seen your wardrobe, you were the furthest thing from a designer.

“You look so pretty!” Emily called out, practically screamed, and Hailey flinched at the noise.

“Inside voice, Em,” Hailey said in a far softer voice. “Let’s go before they start without us.”

Wednesday allowed herself to be pulled downstairs, through the kitchen, and to the back where everyone was already setting things up. There was a large table to the side with all the food from the day laid out with three different coolers beside it. On the other side of the yard, a little further away from the food, was a large clearing where wood was piled almost as tall as her. Seats were scattered as if the singular purpose was to watch the fire.

Maybe it was.

And kneeling next to the wood with a torch in hand, arguing with Tio, was you. You, in jeans and boots and a hat tilted back on your head just enough to block the sun out of your eyes. There were tailored holes in your shirt that kept your wings snug, yet free. They twitched and ruffled when the wind brushed against them. It was certainly a look. A good look, if Wednesday was being completely honest with yourself.

Although you ruined it when you nearly caught your sleeve on fire in an attempt to prove something to Tio.

Wednesday stumbled forward when something pushed against the back of her knees. She exhaled loudly through her nose when she turned and faced her mortal enemy; Steve. Whoever had let him out was going to pay. He kept eye contact with her, staring deep into her soul before knocking into her kneecap and walking away.

That demon spawn would perish in the fire on this night. Wednesday swore it.

Once the fire was started, you finally walked over to where Wednesday was standing and everyone started getting their food. Just like you had been the whole trip, you made her plate for her, piling on more food than she would ever be able to eat. When asked where your plate was, your face darkened and you gave her a sheepish smile.

“I was actually gonna eat off your plate,” you said softly.

You wanted to share food with her? That was big for you, to share food. Of course you had cooked it and had gotten it all for her, but to share it? The whole meal? That was a rather big deal for you, she was actually honoured that you would even assume such a thing.

“Come on,” you said, “let’s sit down.”

You led the way and sat her down on one of the logs near the fire, and everyone else was quick to follow suit. Alysah and Jamie were more preoccupied with playing with Steve - that damned creature - and would occasionally come back to grab something to eat before going back to play. Emily made it a point to sit beside Wednesday and talk the entire time. Daniel was beside you, and Alex and Hailey were on a different log while all the adults milled around.

After everyone was done eating and you helped distract the little ones, Wednesday could hear the gentle tunes of a guitar; your father and Tio were playing softly, nothing complicated, nothing flashy. She stayed in her spot and listened, watching their fingers move expertly across beaten up instruments that were horribly out of tune. And yet, they still sounded beautiful as the strings were plucked in just a way that created a perfectly constructed melody.

“Come on over, baby bird,” your father called to you. You stopped chasing Jamie and Alysah - and goddamn Steve - around and looked up. “Play us a tune.”

You stood up straight, and Wednesday could see you take a deep breath in before slowly exhaling. Something in your expression made her feel sad, and she remembered what Hailey had said about the fiddle. It was Nicky’s. But you quickly replaced your expression with a smile and walked your way over. When you passed Wednesday, you took your hat off your head and placed it on hers.

She heard gasps come from somewhere, and when she looked up there was a teasing look on your Abuelita’s and grandfather’s faces. Your mother and father were looking at each other, and your aunt and Tio were laughing. Full, belly deep laughter. She looked up at your flushed face and narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” you mumbled, refusing to meet her eyes, and walking over to where your father and Tio were sitting. When they laughed at you, you hit their shoulders and she heard a hushed “shut up.”

Daniel came and sat down beside Wednesday again and the both of them watched you take the fiddle out of its case and start getting it ready. You put such care into it, touching it with such gentle fingers, almost as if you were scared to damage it. Maybe you were; it was Nicky’s.

You held it to your left shoulder; like a right-handed person, though you most certainly weren't one. It looked a little unnatural, and yet you weren’t hesitant when you drew the bow across the strings a few times. As much as Wednesday hated it, you tuned it to the already out-of-tune guitars. And yet, when you drew the bow across the strings once again, it almost sounded nice.

But if you ever asked, she would never admit it. She would still scold you for being so horrendously out of tune.

Your father started the song first, and you jumped in with an uncertainty that Wednesday rarely saw in you. It wasn’t fear, not really, but she could see something else even if she couldn’t put it into words. Your brows were furrowed and you looked down in such intense concentration and before long, your tongue was even sticking out slightly.

She wouldn't say you were fantastic. You were good, of course, but you were no professional. Normally it was something she would take into account; why play if you couldn't play it to perfection? That's what practice was for. Yet you continued to play, and you played past the mistakes (and made the funny faces Emily enjoyed), and your fingers quickly found their spaces on the neck and you looked peaceful.

As you played, Wednesday started to wonder who had taught you. Had it been Nicky? Whoever it was had taught you to play right handed. Was it uncomfortable to play that way, or was it the only way you knew? Those questions continued to swirl around her mind as she watched you, practically studied your movements and skill and smile.

She definitely studied your smile.

The longer everyone played, the more songs you completed, the more comfortable you looked. She almost even thought she heard you laugh when the kids started dancing around the bonfire. Your boot tapped to the beat and your father would sing and your Tio would laugh and it was such an unusual atmosphere for Wednesday.

And, much like everything you had subjected her to on that trip, it spread a warmth through her chest.

At some point, your aunt came over and sat on the other side of Wednesday. She didn’t think anything of it, everyone was either watching the three of you or watching the kids dance. It still evaded her as to why your family would make it a point to sit by her, or talk with her, or include her in things. She wasn’t part of the family.

Although she supposed her family did the same thing with you.

“Figured out the hat thing yet?” Your aunt asked when you finished the song and started bowing out, turning around to tuck the fiddle back into its case.

“No,” Wednesday admitted. Though truthfully she hadn’t even attempted to figure it out; she had, unfortunately, gotten distracted.

“It’s some old superstition,” she continued. You had finished putting up the fiddle and were now being dragged out to play something called “mothman” with Alysah, Jamie, and Emily. “If someone gives you their cowboy hat, it means they like you.”

Oh. Yes, well that- that would explain everyone’s reactions perfectly, would it not? You had, more or less, laid your affections out for the entire family to see. Not that they hadn’t seen it before, of course, they had certainly seen you holding her hand or pulling her close. But if it was superstition then it meant a great deal more than just hand holding.

A scream echoed through the air and everyone’s heads turned to where you and the kids had previously been running around. Except now there were only two people left; you and Jamie were nowhere to be seen. Wednesday tried to ignore the fear that sent through her veins that you had both just disappeared.

“They know I hate this game,” your mother mumbled as she walked past where Wednesday’s bunch was sitting.

“How do you play?” Wednesday asked.

“Y/N flies around and tries to steal you without anyone seeing,” Daniel answered. His leg brushed against Wednesday’s, and surprisingly she didn’t flinch away.

“If you’re caught?” She asked. Emily and Alysah were sticking together, looking all around for wherever you could possibly be.

“Then you lose.”

Her blood froze in her veins when your whispered voice came from right beside her left ear. How had you managed to sneak up on her? How were you even capable of being that silent? Your breath hit her ear as you chuckled and you left a quick kiss on her cheek before backing away and disappearing once again while Jamie suddenly reappeared on your aunt’s lap.

Was that attractive? Did Wednesday find your sneaking skills attractive? She did. She very much did. Another scream rang through the air; her eyes still hadn’t found you. She did, however, manage to catch you walking up behind her, Alysah and Emily both hauled over your shoulders like sacks of potatoes.

"I win," you said as you practically dropped their giggling bodies to the ground.

"Again!" Jamie called out.

"No more," your mother said almost instantly. "It's time for bed."

Grumbles and complaints came from all the children, Alex and Hailey included. But in the end they were no match for your mother, aunt, and Abuelita; those women were a force to be reckoned with and everyone knew it. Even Wednesday had learned to say a simple "yes ma'am" and go along with it.

Everyone got to cleaning up, putting up the leftovers - such an unusual concept for Wednesday, truthfully, but she believed she liked it. Possibly - and getting the children off to bed. You passed her once on the way to help carry something and grabbed the hat from her head and put it back on your own.

Everyone except your parents burst into laughter.

“You better not-”

“-Not in my house,” your mother and father said at the same time.

“It’s my own damn hat,” you shouted back. “I can take it back if I want.”

“What does that mean?” Wednesday asked your aunt.

“I’ll let lil’ bird tell you that one,” she laughed before walking away and leaving Wednesday to continue packing things up.

She felt something tickle her ankle and looked down, instantly feeling an intense rage. Steve. The damned goat was chewing her shoelace as if it was his god given right. It was beyond tempting to throw him into the bonfire that was still roaring behind her.

“Wanna stay up and watch the fire?” You asked, reaching down to pat Steve on the head. Wednesday glared at him again. You’re lucky she’s here to save you, she thought but kept to herself.

With the fire behind you and the hat tilted down over your face, you looked like a silhouette against the red and orange backdrop. She couldn’t see your eyes or your smile, but she could feel the happiness. It was in the relaxed set of your shoulders and the constant twitch and ruffle of your feathers.

“That would be nice,” Wednesday said, and this time she could see the reflection of the light off your teeth as you gave her a toothy grin.

You pulled her into your lap once you got to the logs near the fire. She instantly adjusted until she was comfortable; it was disgusting that she was now so used to sitting in your lap that she knew how to get comfortable so effortlessly. Your chin rested on your shoulder and your arms wrapped around her waist and you both just stared into the fire.

Neither one of you said anything, just sat there in a comfortable silence listening to the crackling of the burning wood. Every now and then she would feel you press a kiss behind her ear, or to her neck, or your hand would squeeze her thigh lightly. She let you continue, just enjoying the feel of your skin on hers. But the moment she went to turn around, the back patio door slammed open.

"If one 'a y'all gets pregnant, your Pop is putting you up for adoption," your aunt called out.

"Oh my god, go to sleep!" You shouted as you turned to glare at her. Her laughter echoed in the empty yard as the door closed again and you sighed.

Wednesday didn't bother hiding her smile as she pulled you into a real kiss. Her heart hammered in her chest when she felt you smile back.

#wednesday addams x reader #wednesday addams imagine #wednesday x reader #everyone but her au

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kurikive · 2 years ago

Text

please! — 67. you reek, and even then i still like(love) you.

babbling incoherent words, hanni was dragging down y/n on the floor with her arms around her neck. "now i get why you do this." she slurred out barely understandable words while y/n just sighed trying to get her girlfriend to get up.

see, it was now 12:56, almost 1 AM. and hanni had spent the last hour doing absolute nonsense at the party, like cursing out hyein (a child) for god knows how long, dancing strangely and making her girlfriend think she was having a seizure, throwing up in the kitchen sink on accident, and climbing up a tree when unsupervised.

hyein's mom called, it was her time to go home. and by the looks of her state, it was hanni's too.

"babe, please get down." y/n exclaimed to her girlfriend who was sitting on a thick branch with seemingly no expression other than a blank stare to the people below her. "you're gonna get dizzy and throw up."

"my throw-up will go all over you like the peasants that you are." she slurred.

"okay, what the fuck?" danielle, one of the only people with consciousness in the group, said offended.

"hanni, pleaseeeee!" y/n pressed her hands together as she pleaded her lover to get down. "i'll take you home, just please get down."

the girl on the tree seemed to think about it. "beg and i'll consider it." she shrugged.

"nah, this is some weird shit, dawg." drunkenly, jungwon stumbled away in disgust.

"wha- god, hanni, please? can you just please get down? what more do you want? i'm literally kneeling, gosh..."

"help me, i can't get down by myself, duh." hanni complained.

holding out her arms as she carefully pulled hanni down the branch she muttered, "don't ever get drunk again, goodness hanni..."

and now, a group of drunk teenagers and some sober ones walking down the dark streets to go home street. the ones who lived close together walked beside each other with the sober ones while hanni and y/n walked with each other with their arms around each other (y/n was just carrying all of hanni's weight while the other hung on her shoulders).

danielle and haerin walked behind them to make sure none of them fell to the ground, and if they did... well, danielle would be there to take the pictures and (not) help.

other than the loud laughs and drunken comments by the teens, it was a peaceful walk, kind of. "y/n~ where are we goooingggg~" hanni asked as she clung harder to the tallers shoulders, almost dragging her to the ground.

"i'm taking you home, nini. we'll get there soon, don't worry." she reassured her, pulling the girl closer to her instead of the pavement. the other just groaned.

hanni doesn't know how y/n even managed to get the both of them on the bus, all she knows is that she feels a little sleepy. the atmosphere of the night pulling down on her eyelids, and before she knew it her head was resting on y/n's shoulder once again as her consciousness faded away.

y/n felt the weight return to her once heavy shoulders. she looked down to find her girlfriend resting peacefully beside her. the lights of the city shining on her features made her look even prettier.

y/n was about to take her phone out before she held back and just admired the view with her own two eyes. a light gust of wind came in through the upper windows of the bus. could the moment get better than this?

a few minutes later, y/n recognized the bus stop approaching from the window. it was the same one she waited in when she took hanni home on their first date. she gently shook the sleeping girl, whispering sweet words to wake her up from her rest.

groaning once again, hanni let herself be guided by y/n to the doors of the bus while the other carried both their weights with difficulty.

hanni almost tripped as she got down the stairs of the bus, giving y/n a mini heart attack. "are you okay?" she asked with concern, hanni just nodded in response.

"are your parents home?" y/n asked once again as they walked that familiar path towards hanni's home. hanni shook her head carefully while pouting, "mm-mh, if they were i wouldn't have gotten drunk, dummy."

"right." y/n chuckled at her girlfriend's drunken expressions. they were getting closer to the house and y/n internally battled with herself if she should just drop her off at the front door and go home or accompany her inside to make sure she went to sleep accordingly and not wake up with a headache the next day. she figured she'd just let hanni choose in the end.

as they got closer and closer to hanni’s house’s front door, y/n began to grow more nervous. ‘what if she sets her house on fire when i leave?’ thinking of every horrible and possible outcome of leaving a drunk hanni alone in her own house started to freak her out until she heard the other’s soft sleepy voice speak.

“you’re gonna help me brush my teeth, right?’

y/n almost let out a big sigh of relief.

“if you let me then yeah.” hanni just chuckled at the taller’s words.

y/n barely noticed they were already in front of their destination when hanni removed her own arm from y/n’s shoulders to take out her house keys as she stumbled trying to keep her balance. y/n quietly hovered her arm behind the shorter, just in case.

hanni tried about five times to get the key in the key slot before she could actually unlock the door to her house, y/n just watched her patiently as she thought trying to help might disturb her concentration and make her feel worse. as soon as hanni opened the door she immediately got inside and took of her shoes to go sit down and rest her body, but she stopped halfway on her tracks when she noticed the front door was still open and y/n was still outside.

“you’re gonna stay outside and freeze until you die?” she sarcastically asked, letting a giggle slip through her words. “come in before i go back and slam the door in your face.” and so y/n stepped inside, admiring the inside of what her girlfriend called home.

meanwhile y/n closed the door behind her, the shorter girl was slowly starting to stress out in her mission of finding the TV remote. “y/n.” said girl rapidly turned her head to where she was called, “help me find the remote.” hanni whined. chuckling, the taller could already spot the object from behind her partner on top of the counter the TV stood in. slowly making her way towards it, she checked if said object was the one hanni was so desperately looking for. “this?” she asked.

with an embarrassed frown, hanni took it from her girlfriend’s hands. “huh. weird. i checked there.” y/n laughed endeared at the other’s excuses.

“why were you even looking for it? we have to get you ready for bed.”

“yes, but... i need the TV as background noise so i feel less lonely.” she shyly admitted. “don’t.” she cut off y/n, who seemed like she was about to speak, in fear she’d make fun of her habits. “don’t make fun of me.”

“i was just gonna say i do that too, nini. don’t worry, i would never make fun of you for something like that.” and although the first part was true, the second one was a complete lie as their relationship was just pure bullying towards each other as a way to hide their “embarrassing” feelings.

after hanni chose a channel to leave as background noise, she drunkenly carried herself towards her own room, y/n following behind her as she kept admiring the decorations in the house. it took a little longer than expected to walk up the stairs, but y/n let hanni go at her pace instead of carrying her up and getting her dizzy and potentially having them both fall down the stairs.

“wait, you’re going in my room for the first time, this is exciting!” hanni randomly turned around and looked at her girlfriend with excitement. “i’m- i’m going in your room?”

“you’re gonna brush my teeth in the kitchen?” the shorter asked.

y/n grinned, “i mean, you seem sober enough to do it yourself, i don’t know.”

“i could kick you out.”

“sorry.” was the last thing any of them said before hanni opened the door to her room. still, it was only hanni who went into the bedroom.

she turned around and glared at the taller, “are you gonna keep doing this?” y/n only chuckled. “change into your pajamas by yourself! i’ll wait here.” and she turned around, back facing the door frame.

“weirdo...” hanni muttered before shutting the door to change clothes. it’s not like they had that type of confidence yet, they were a fresh couple, also minding that hanni was still drunk and not yet sober. it was only better to wait.

y/n stood outside the door to hanni’s room, listening to the sound of the TV downstairs and admiring the new surroundings. but that short peace was disturbed not long after by hanni’s screams for help inside the walls behind her.

“y/n! help me! i’m stuck!” she held in a sigh and braced herself for any possible scenario she’d discover once she opened the door. “hanni? are you okay-

HAHAHA!”

“stop laughing, asshole! help me out!” the shorter demanded, but who wouldn’t laugh? when hanni was standing with her arms up in the air and her head barely making it through hole of her pajamas. the room suddenly turned quiet, “y/n? where are you?”

click!

“did you just take a fucking picture?”

but there was no other sound apart from the soft giggles that left y/n’s lips. she finally got hanni’s head through and was met with the sight of pink pajamas with bunny prints and a very red faced short girlfriend. y/n could not figure out if the redness was from anger or embarrassment.

hanni just glared at her girlfriends silly smirk, and only frowned harder when she teased, “there you go, big head.”

“fuck you. brush my teeth.” the shorter hissed.

“but we have to take your make up off first, silly!”

2:02 am. hanni was sitting on her bathroom’s countertop while y/n was, after a long session of whining and complaining, diligently brushing the other’s teeth.

after she was done, the latter took the toothbrush to rinse it with water while her girlfriend stared intensely at every action. “god, hanni. never get this drunk again.” she once again complained.

hypocrite. “but i wanna get drunk at our wedding.” hanni muttered sheepishly, clearly acting and noticeable by the way she threw her shoulders out. nevertheless, y/n dropped her jaw in shock at the sudden comment. “what? do you not want to get married?” hanni still feigned innocence, this time with a smirk on her stupid face.

“what?! no! i-i mean, yes! i just- i don’t- i didn’t... you know...” y/n’s face grew redder every second while hanni’s smile grew wider. “i don’t know...” she mumbled in surrender.

“you’re cute. i like you.”

y/n smiled at her confession, “no shit, hanni. we’re girlfriends. i’d hope you at least liked me.” she rolled her eyes as a chuckle escaped with her words, only to find a pout and watery eyes when she put them back on her girlfriend. “are you crying?”

as soon as she said that, hanni started bawling. “we’re *hiccup* girlfrie-ends.” the taller could only laugh in disbelief. she was the lucky one to be able to call the girl she liked a lover, and yet here she was, drunkenly crying at the fact that they were dating.

but then again, hanni’s mouth smelled of alcohol and her opening it as she sobbed didn’t help. at all.

“hanni, i really love you and all, but you reek of alcohol and i need to find this mouthwash. so, pleeease stop crying.” and so she stopped, with little tears dropping past her pout as she watched y/n kneel in front of the counter’s cabinet trying to find the blue liquid.

“found it.” but when she went to stand up, she hit her head on the counter. “ow.” the pain fading away the moment she heard hanni’s little giggles. she handed the bottle to the girl, but saw she refused to take it because it was still closed. with a groan, she twisted the cap and poured the mouthwash into it, finally handed it to hanni, who reluctantly took it and drank it like a tequila shot.

“what the fuck?!” y/n yelped at the scene she just witnessed. hanni just stepped down from the countertop and face y/n as if nothing that insane had happened, making y/n step backwards and almost trip. “what?” she chuckled, there she goes again with the innocent act.

this idiot was just crying and now she’s downing mouthwash shots. crazy.

walking away mindlessly, hanni turned off the bathroom lights with y/n still inside, signaling her to also walk out. “wait! i’m scared of the dark!” she said as she ran off.

this time it was hanni’s turn to laugh loudly, “no you’re not!”

“a little...” the taller mumbled.

“good thing i have a nigh light! can finally put it to use.” hanni mentioned.

y/n suddenly stopped in her tracks, “wait, i’m sleeping here?”

“if you allow yourself to.” hanni shrugged. “you just said the l word to me but can’t dare to sleep in the same room as your girlfriend.”

“i can sleep on the floor- wait, what did i say?”

“you said the l word. few minutes ago.”

“no i didn’t?”

“you did.”

“liar.”

“why would i lie about that?”

“to tease me.”

hanni laughed, yet agreed. “yeah, i would do that. you still said it, though.”

“did you say it?”

“nope.”

“will you say it?”

it was quiet for a bit.

“i’ll think about it.”

“great, let’s go to sleep.” said y/n as she walked towards the bed to undo the covers so hanni could get in first.

getting under the covers, hanni started thinking while she stared at her girlfriend who was fixing the night light. “if i was a bug-”

“no. sleep.”

“not even a buttefly?”

“butterflies scare me.” y/n laid in bed next to hanni, who fixed her position to look at her face to face.

“what about a roach?”

“sleep.”

“you’re no fun.”

“snore... mimimimimi...” y/n pretended to sleep and made fake snoring noises, making hanni giggle. “read me a story.”

“no.” y/n had already closed her eyes.

“i hate you.”

“you stink.”

“even if i stink you still like me.”

“even if you reek i still like you.”

“weirdo.”

“can you please sleep?” there were no words after that, only soft breaths and a few sounds of shifting in place made by hanni who tried to find the most comfortable position. y/n was also slowly falling asleep, and when the taller unconsciously wrapped her arm around hanni’s waist, she found the most comfortable place was in her arms.

masterlist | epilogue

— y/n is most definitely not immune to pretty girls, and hanni is very pretty. she begs for one chance, but when it's given, what will she do?

## taglist ! @lcv3lies @yourwife @haerpins @rosielover69 @luvkait @lizseos @gojosrug @xuimhao @captivq @yumtooki @ahnneyong @seeju @sserajeans @phamminji @llluvbluy @sserafimez @misumiausworld @lostamoeba @archerheejin @skisk1 @giginings @falling-intoo-deep @jenaissantesworld @txtbrainrot @luvrsxt ...

kurinote 📝 i havent slept in four days <3 officially the last chapter of please! hope u liked it lol hehwjebsj (epilogue still on board btw dw!!)

#newjeans x reader #hanni x reader #newjeans smau #hanni smau #newjeans #p!phn #the grand finale #which is nothing grand tbh

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moonferry · 4 months ago

Text

rejoice from the heavens! fsioy chapter 8 be upon ye!

omg hi guys i finished this. i also decided to introduce some new characters for Plot Reasons that i cannot reveal yet teehee. this was pretty chill, but i fear it will get worse when the actual "conflict" occurs. i hope you guys enjoy it tho!

warnings: bullying/taunting

word count: 4175 (god i keep doing this ??? HOW)

summary: kent has finally left, but what happens now? he takes various travel methods and eventually gets his assignment (and even meets a few cabin mates)

ao3 link: here!

other chapters: chapter masterlist

April 19XX, ??? – Middle Of The War

The bus ride was as you’d expect: cramped, unpleasant and Kent was pretty sure the bus driver was actively trying to hit every pothole they encountered. He was thrown around in his seat more times than he could count. Twice, he was nearly launched into the seat across the aisle - which would land him awkwardly in the lap of another recruit. Thankfully, he managed to stop himself before that happened.

Kent passed the time (well, the time where he wasn’t trying to avoid being scrambled like an egg) by looking out the window. Despite the circumstances, the surrounding area seemed incredibly peaceful, in a weird way. It was full of luscious plant life - trees and greenery that seemed to span for miles - and a small, quaint village nestled between the foliage. Kent would love to come back some day, finally leave the bustle of the city and find a calm place for him and Jodi. If he survived, that is. That thought caused his mood to sour slightly and he peeled his eyes away from the window. Instead, he shook the thought from his mind and tried to remain positive.

He glanced around the bus and tried to find some silver lining - there had to be something positive about this whole thing? Sure, he was trapped on a dank, musty bus and was heading into a situation where no one seemed to know what was happening, and there was also the fact that he might not return at all.. But sure, there was a positive in there somewhere. There had to be. He had somehow managed to get a seat to himself, despite being the last one on, so that was a start. He mentally checked his “scoreboard” - one good thing to 6 million bad. This was going to take a while.

After an hour of excruciating travel, the bus came to an abrupt halt - the squealing of tires loud enough to cause Kent to cover his ears. At least it meant the journey would - hopefully - be smoother from now on. There weren't any pot holes on train tracks, any that he knew of, obviously, but anything seemed possible at this point.

He hurriedly gathered his things and followed the crowd as they exited the bus. While he waited for the numbers of people before him to load the train, Kent once again looked at his surroundings. This part of… wherever he was… seemed more dilapidated than the countryside they passed, it even seemed a bit pathetic compared to the city - which was saying a lot, considering that the city often looked like it was being held together with glitter glue. He squinted at the horizon line and tried to determine how far they had already traveled. He could only see faint outlines of the city’s skyscrapers and concluded they had gone a pretty far distance, which made him feel slightly homesick.

He was broken out of his stupor by annoyed shouts that came from behind him. Kent noticed a rather large gap had formed in the line - likely his fault - and quickly moved closer to the other people, shouting a small apology to the people behind him. As he approached the train platform, frowning a bit at the state it was in, he sighed. Kent anxiously watched as the line continued to diminish in front of him. It was down to a single person now. One person was all that stood in front of him and the second leg of his journey. Soon, they crossed over the edge of the platform and stepped onto the train.

Kent gulped as he realized it was now his turn. He wiped his clammy hands against his pants and stepped inside, pulling what little luggage he had behind him. Luckily, the train seemed much better from the inside. It would’ve been an improvement from the bus regardless, but Kent let out a small sigh of relief when he glanced around the train car. It was filled with plenty of seats, all with cushions (though some had massive rips or patches from where they had been repaired) - some even had “booth style” seating where two seats were joined together, connected by a table - and there was even an overhead luggage container! He walked down the aisles, scanning the faces of the people already sitting, and attempted to find a seat of his own.

When everyone was finally aboard the train, it began chugging to life and soon they were off. The ride was smooth enough and Kent eventually began to drift off, his head resting against the window as he closed his eyes.

His mind began filling with vivid images: he was dreaming. More specifically, he was dreaming of Jodi. He saw her, sitting and humming to herself, her hand resting in the hand of someone else. It was himself, but much older. He looked the same - for the most part - but something seemed different. Kent couldn’t quite place what it was, but it seemed to unsettle him. Before he could decipher what it was, the scene changed once again. He and Jodi were sitting in a cozy room, his arm draped around Jodi’s shoulders and the other reaching over to coo at a small bundle in Jodi’s arms. Kent felt a small smile spread across his sleeping face. The image was about to shift again and Kent knew whatever he was shown next would be important.

Unfortunately, he was awoken (rather rudely, he might add) by a sudden lurch from the train. Kent was sent forward, his head colliding with the table. He let out a low groan, reaching a hand up to rub the growing knot on his forehead. That was definitely going to bruise. He looked around and tried to determine why the train had stopped. A chorus of confused murmurs spread throughout the train car, only to be interrupted by the supervising Commander walking through the aisles and stopping in the center of the train car.

“Not to worry, cadets,” He piped up, his voice bouncing off the metal wall around him. As if he needed it, Kent thought, the commander’s voice was loud enough already. Kent grumbled underneath his breath, but he quickly quieted and returned his attention to the man speaking.

“There has been… an issue with the place we were originally supposed to depart,” The man started, a brief flash of nervousness covering his face - though Kent was probably the only one who noticed. He received some sort of message over his communication system and added, “But, I have just been informed that the boat is willing to meet us at a nearby dock. Grab your things. We can walk from here.”

The crowd responded with a chorus of groans and complaints, though everyone moved and began gathering their luggage. The thirty-something cadets exited the warmth of the train and huddled outside. Kent wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep for, or how long the train ride had taken to get to this point, but it appeared much darker than before. Let’s see, if the originally boarded the bus at noon, and it took maybe an hour or two to get to the train station, and if Kent was asleep for an two hours, he assumed that it was now about 5 or 6 P.M. At least they were making good time, that was another silver lining. Until you looked at the bigger picture and realized it meant he would get to wherever they were going sooner.

“Oh, lighten up,” The commander replied, silencing the groans and whines from the crowd, “It’s not a long walk. Besides, you can use this time to get to know your fellow brothers-in-arms.’

Kent shook his head. Like that was going to happen. Everyone was much taller (and bulkier) than him, he knew they would probably use him as a punching bag the first chance they got. He wasn’t too eager for that to happen, so he hung back and stayed near the edges of the cluster. At least back here he was less likely to draw attention to himself.

He continued walking, squinting to see the dimly lit path beneath his feet. He didn’t want to trip and embarrass himself and he had already injured himself once on this trip - his forehead still throbbing with the fresh bruise. Thankfully, he made it to the dock without any more incidents.

Boats were always his favorite. He loved the ocean and the river - any body of water, really. It always seemed calming to him. Kent felt his happiest when he was near water and has a plethora of fond memories surrounding it. When he was younger, his father would bring Kent to the pier and make a game out of boat watching - competing to see who could name the most boats. Kent always won, though he wasn’t sure if his father had let him win or if Kent had actual skill. He smiled to himself as he thought back, though his chest felt heavy. He silently wished he could experience that again: watching the ocean with his father, putting all their worries behind them and just looking at the different types of boats.

He stepped on the rickety dock, the feeling of wood beneath his feet comforting him in a way he couldn’t describe. Kent glanced to his left, noticing the boat - which appeared to be the most updated and functional mode of transportation he would take - before looking back. He saw a gruff man who appeared to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s and had to do a double take. For a second, just a split second, he thought he had seen his father. Kent blinked his eyes, reaching a hand up to rub them just in case his eyes were actually playing tricks on him, though the figure still remained. He shook his head - telling himself he must still be groggy from sleep - and entered the hull of the boat.

Once everyone was inside, they all crowded together - smashing against one another like sardines crammed into a tin. It was a bit uncomfortable and smelled strongly of salty fish, but Kent didn’t seem to mind. He took in his surroundings: dark, with one barely working light bulb overhead, there were dull, metal walls, and a carpet beneath his feet - it seemed soft enough but appeared to be growing some sort of life form.

Kent glanced up as soft clangs echoed across the walls, heavy footsteps clomping down the metal stairs in front of them. Apparently, the last person, the ship’s captain, had finally boarded the ship. Kent stumbled backwards as he laid eyes upon the man - it was the same man he had noticed outside. So he hadn’t been seeing things. That was comforting, at least. It was still troubling how similar this man looked to his father, though.

“Aye, cadets,” the man spoke, his voice echoing in the small chamber. His voice sounded somewhat familiar and had a sort of rugged comfort to it. Kent tilted his head to the side and peered over the crowd to try and get a better look.

“There’s a few rules on me boat,” The man continued, walking down to the bottom of the stairs and standing in the middle of the room. The crowd seemed to part around him, it was as if he had the power to command them with a simple glance. Kent was honestly impressed.

“Number one: no fightin’,” The captain added once the crowd made room before adding, “You’re all old enough, so act like it. And number two: try not to move around too much. Wouldn’t want ye to go swimmin’, would we?” The man laughed, releasing a hearty chuckle that made Kent’s ears ring. The crowd erupted in a spout of worried murmurs and the captain laughed once again.

“Ah, don’t worry, lads, I was only jokin’,” He reassured them, placing a firm hand on the closest cadet’s back with a loud thwack. His expression then turned serious and he added, “Seriously, though, don’t move around too much or the leaks start.”

“Who are you, anyway?” Someone shouted from the back of the crowd and everyone turned to look. They accused Kent, everyone glaring at him as he looked around confusedly.

“What did you say, lad?” The man asked, moving closer to Kent.

“N-no.. Sir, I.. I didn’t.. It wasn’t..,” Kent stammered, putting his hands up to defend himself.

Instead of being angry, the man simply gave another hearty laugh and rested his hand firmly on Kent’s shoulder.

“I should thank ye for reminding me, lad. I almost forgot to introduce myself,” The man spoke in between his laughter. He turned back to face the crowd and added, “Me name’s Colonel William T. Dodgens, commander of the naval forces and captain of this here vessel. Though, most just call me ‘Willy”.”

“Wait a second,” Kent added. He thought to himself and wondered why that name seemed so familiar. He could’ve sworn his father had mentioned the name ‘Willy’ before. That’s right, his father was friends with a captain, someone who owned one of Kent’s favorite ships back in the city. He’d never actually met the man- or if he did, he was extremely young - but he remembers visiting the boat before.

“Yes, lad?” Willy asked, turning his attention back to Kent. When the older man looked at Kent, recognition washed over his face and he tilted his head to the side - eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

“I think I’ve heard your name before..,” Kent explained. He noticed Willy’s scrutinizing and offered, “From my father.”

Willy made an “ah” expression, nodding his head in agreement as it finally clicked into place, “What’s your name, lad? I need to test something.”

“Kent, sir,” Kent spoke. He waited a bit, noticing Willy made a “keep going” gesture, before adding. “Neilson. Kent Neilson.”

“Ah, that’s where I know ye from,” Willy spoke with a nod, placing a firm but gentle hand on Kent’s shoulder, “You’re Chrissy’s boy, right? He and I… we go back farther than the tide, we do.”

Kent nodded, sending a bright smile up at Willy and confirming, “That’s right! Christopher Neilson is my father.”

…

The boat ride was the smoothest of all. Kent mostly spent it off by himself. He desperately wanted to chat more with Willy, but they weren’t allowed to leave the lower deck, let alone allowed in the “captain's quarters” - Willy’s orders. Deciding he didn’t want to risk getting in trouble, Kent found one of the less populated areas of the ship and took a breather. It was hard to believe that soon, all of the people on this boat would be thrust into an extremely dangerous and uncertain situation. He was worried about himself, sure, but looking at the other people on this boat, seeing the faces of other people’s sons and brothers - knowing that all or some of them may never make it back - made him even more worried. He didn’t know these people, but he felt his heart sink as he thought of their collective future.

The feeling weighing down on his chest didn’t ease when the boat eased to a stop or when Willy tramped back down the rickety stairs. The captain notified everyone that this was their stop and Kent’s heart sank even lower, turning his stomach sour. He took a gulp of air, trying to ease his own nerves, and then grabbed his luggage. He slowly made his way off the ship, following the crowd as they streamed into a nearby tent - as one person entered, another seemed to exit from a different place in the tent’s fabric. This must be where they go to receive their assignments, Kent reasoned.

He took his place in line, waiting as a nervous chill ran up his spine. Kent looked down at his wrist, noticing Jodi’s hair tie was still firmly secured with a tight knot. He smiled, reaching his hand out to gently touch the soft fabric. It was a silk tieable hair tie, covered in small white stars. It wasn’t much to look at, per say, being only a dull gray in color otherwise, but it meant the world to Kent. When he looked at it, it reminded him of everything he had waiting at home. It gave him a reason to try his hardest - a reason to make it back. He had to see Jodi again.

Kent once again looked at the line in front of him, now dwindling, and let out a small sigh. Why did everything have to be so difficult? Soon, the line diminished even further and it was Kent’s turn. The attendant took one look at him, narrowing her eyes.

“Cabin number five,” She spoke, turning to write a string of words on a nearby notepad.

“But I didn’t even-” Kent started, though he was quickly interrupted.

“Ca-bin num-ber fi-ve,” The woman repeated, slowing down each word in multiple syllables. She didn’t even wait for Kent to protest further before calling the next person.

“Okay then..,” He spoke to himself, hurriedly moving out of line and following the previous person out the side of the tent. All he had to do was find cabin number five, that should be easy enough. Except, of course, the fact that Kent has no idea where the cabins even are. Oh well, he’ll manage. Kent walked along the path, distantly following the person in front of him and silently hoping they knew where they were going. Eventually, he reached a clearing full of five buildings. He recalled the woman had mentioned he would be in the fifth cabin, so he headed for the farthest building. Once inside, he looked for an empty bunk and quickly plopped his stuff on the ground.

He crouched down, ruffled through his bag, and pulled out a small notepad. Kent promised Jodi he would write a letter as soon as he made it to the sanctioned housing, so he intended to do just that.

Kent pulled the notepad close to his chest and tapped the pencil against it. What to say? Not much has happened yet, so he really didn’t know what to include. Maybe a simple “we made it!” but that would seem too short. He wrote a small “Dear Jodi,” before stopping. He could always tell her about the trip here, he thought, or about Willy. Maybe that would be a good place to start?

Before he realized it, he had begun writing, “Dear Jodi, we’ve just arrived and I miss you already..” The sound of distant footsteps caused Kent to look up, watching as someone entered the cabin.

“Ooooh, guess the new recruits poured in,” A voice called out, followed by uproarious laughter from several other voices. Kent glanced up at them and sent an awkward smile. It was a group of four other boys: all much taller, bulkier, and probably older than Kent.

“Hey, spike-head,” The tallest man said, walking over to Kent and peering down at him, “you’re in my spot.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. It was empty, so I just.. Assumed,” Kent explained, gathering his things and intending to move.

“No, no, you go ahead and sit down, your highness,” he replied, pushing the luggage out of Kent’s hand, sending the contents sprawling over the floor.

A confused expression washed over Kent’s face. He bent down and began scooping up his belongings. What was this guy’s problem, he wondered? All he had done was sit in his spot. On total accident, too.

“Oh, look at what we have here, boys,” The man replied, picking up Kent’s notepad and bringing it to his face, reading the words before adding, “We’ve got ourselves a real loverboy here. Writing a letter to his girlfriend and everything..”

“Hey, man, give that back,” Kent responded, pushing himself into a standing position before reaching out for his notebook. This did not go well, unfortunately. The other person held the notebook above Kent’s head, dangling it and trying to get him to “jump for it”.

“Hey, Loverboy, are you going to write me a sweet letter, too? Make sure to add some hugs and kisses at the end,” Someone else teased, one of the guys huddled with the other cronies on the other side of the room.

Kent reached up once again, desperately trying to get his notebook back.

“I’m serious,” He pleaded, making a motion to the notebook that was still out of his grasp, “Just give it back. I didn’t mean to take your spot, dude. I already said I was sorry.”

Just then, two more people walked in and Kent assumed he was done for. Died in combat? No. Died by being beaten up by six different people. To Kent’s surprise, though, one of the boys who had just walked in crossed his arms.

“Ray, leave him alone,” The newcomer called out, a wide frown plastering across his lips.

“What are you going to do?” The man, Ray - Kent assumed - replied as a smug grin formed across his face.

“Raegan Schmidt, do I need to remind you what happened the last time you tried to pull a stunt like this?” The other replied, now appearing to get a mixture of frustrated and angry.

“No, sir,” Ray replied, his ego shrinking slightly at the use of his full name. One of the groupies behind him chuckled and Ray shot them an evil glare. He also turned more “respectful” in a way, as if this person outranked him and he just realized who he was talking to.

“Good,” the man replied. He approached Ray and promptly took the notepad from Ray’s hands, turning to hand it back to Kent.

“I’m sorry about him,” The man apologized, giving an awkward but sincere look before adding, “are you alright?”

Kent shrugged, though he gratefully took his notepad back. After he placed it with his items, Kent turned back to the man and said, “I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

The other man smiled brightly before extending a hand, introducing himself, “Daniel Sawyer.” He paused for a brief moment, tilting his head to the side as he watched Kent, “but everyone calls me ‘Danny’.”

Kent gave a small nod and extended his own hand to shake Danny’s. Something Danny had said piqued Kent’s interest and he squinted his eyes, looking the other up and down and trying to figure out what seemed familiar about him. Danny looked around Kent’s age - maybe a year or two older, at most. He had dark brown hair, which matched a small dusting of facial hair lining his chin. He looked… familiar, but Kent couldn’t seem to place what it was.

“Kent,” he spoke, giving Danny’s hand a firm shake. Though, he swore Danny’s eyes lingered on the hair tie around Kent’s wrist and briefly darted up to his head (likely checking if Kent had enough hair to use it).

Kent hesitated a moment, tilting his head to the side as his brows furrowed together, before speaking, “You know, Danny, you look very familiar. I just can’t place why.”

“Maybe it’s because of my dashing good looks,” Danny joked, laughing, before adding, “I’ve been told I look like some actors.” He laughed once again, moving his hand to cover his mouth.

That gesture made it all click for Kent. He realized why Danny looked so familiar. That was the same gesture Jodi made when she laughed. He recalled meeting her father - and noticed how his name was Sawyer. Danny’s last name is also Sawyer. He was speaking to one of Jodi’s brothers. Before he could confront him on this, though, the second man approached and playfully smacked Danny on the back before looping his arm around his shoulders.

“Whatever he’s telling you, don’t believe it,” The man spoke, his voice filling with a joking tone. He received a playful shove from Danny and laughed before adding, “Danny’s got a big head. He looks more like the stunt double than the actor.”

“Lee!” Danny whined, playfully shoving him once again and shaking his head. He looked back at Kent and rolled his eyes before speaking, “Don’t listen to him, Kent. He’s a jokester.” Kent looked between the two, noting the playful nature they shared and determined they were likely friends. However, Kent noticed a light dusting of pink across Danny’s cheeks - embarrassment, possibly?

“C’mon, Dan, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” The man asked, extending his own hand towards Kent. He waited, gaining another eye roll from Danny.

Despite his playful protest, Danny answered, “This is Kent. He just arrived, I guess. Ray was giving him a hard time when we walked in.”

The other smiled widely at Kent, happily taking Kent’s own extended hand and giving it a firm shake before adding, “My name is Vincent Leegland, but my friends call me ‘Lee’.”

Kent smiled at the two. He knew they would become fast friends. And besides, he finally had something positive to tell Jodi.

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alovesreading · 2 years ago

Text

Constant Repeat | Part 3

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 15.3k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Jumping on my spot because this chapter just fully starts it all and I cannot wait to hear what you think about it!!! I don't even know what to say anymore, I'm just to eager for you all to read this one lol. Enjoy!!! xx

Masterlist

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It had been two months since their goodbye. June had been filled with work, mostly for commercials with a fourth of July theme. There were so many brands they’d worked with, that Ella had lost count of how many meetings she had attended in the last three weeks of the month.

True to his word, a week after their last talk, she got an email from their management asking for her name and address to be added to the PR list. Suck it and see had been out for a week already and she had bought it digitally, but her stomach fluttered as she typed in her information.

She just couldn’t wait for when the next video was going to be recorded.

July seemed to go the slowest it could’ve ever gone. And by the time August came, she still had no news about the band’s music video. The end of the first week of August was approaching, she was half tempted to go up to either Ben or Aaron and ask about it, but she was afraid of how that would make her look like.

Little did Ella know, she didn’t have to wait any longer, since the following Monday she got a list that read Arctic Monkeys - Black Treacle, Evil Twin, Suck it and See with dates on the top of the page that said August 14th - 16th 2011.

She hid her slight freakout very deep inside herself and left it for when she finished getting the details on the list ready. Four days later, when she handed the list back to her bosses, she allowed herself to get showered in nerves.

Ella knew by then that they were going to see them at a festival they were playing at in San Francisco, and she was beyond excited for it but her stomach was turning just from thinking she would be seeing Alex again after two months. Sixty days since they last spoke and she realized far too late she had no way to even contact him during the wait for the next music video.

Well, not that she would’ve been brave enough to ask for his phone number and maybe he would’ve laughed at her if she had asked for his email, but she was wondering what it would’ve been like if somehow they could have a way to keep chatting despite the distance.

And as if someone had been stealing the sand from the hourglass, before she even had time to properly prepare herself for the encounter, it was August 14th and the production crew was parking their bus at the festival grounds. It was around three in the afternoon, they had made a stop for lunch that made them arrive an hour later than anticipated but they weren’t late enough to have missed the band’s set.

After a while of walking and trying to make their ways through the artists backstage, the group of fifteen people sporting ‘Outside Lands’ wristbands managed to make it to the spot the brits were standing at.

And Ella almost didn’t recognize him.

Alex had a fresh new haircut, a quiff that just screamed greaser, and she fully had to force her jaw back up after seeing him. He had his leather jacket on, despite it not being cold, gold framed dark sunglasses that fit him perfectly, jeans and a black shirt on. A cigarette behind his ear that had an effect on her she couldn’t quite describe, but she was sure her legs went a little weak when she saw it there.

Holy fuck.

It was around a drinks tent that they were standing by, all of them with plastic cups in their hands and laughing around. She smiled as they got closer, missing being around their banter.

Nick was the first to notice them approaching, turning around with a giant smile and waving at them. The rest of them turned to where the bassist was looking at and when they saw the crew they matched Nick’s grin and gesture.

The directors were the first to approach them and shake hands. Ella followed closely behind, way too excited to greet them again to hide anymore. She hugged them tight, saying a small but high pitched “Hi” to each of them, Matt swaying her from side to side while embracing her.

Alex grinned brightly at her, feeling warmth from her presence. She didn’t waste any time in pulling him in for a hug, her hold so tight on him that he started feeling dizzy from the way it was making him feel inside.

“Hi Ellie.” His arms were around her waist, giving her a squeeze before she let go.

She was grinning from ear to ear, “Hi Al.” Ella knew her greeting had been effusive but she couldn’t care less what any of the crew members had to say, not when Alex was looking at her like that.

They were both slowly letting go off each other when Aaron spoke up, “Thank you so much for having us at the show today.”

Ella took a step back, standing beside Ben. She made it seem like she was adjusting the camera strap on her shoulder, but she was hiding her blushed cheeks behind her hair.

Matt waved it off like it was no big deal, “It’s great having you all here. Hope you didn’t get lost trying to make it here.”

Ben chuckled, “It was a whole quest but we made it.”

Matt turned around then, getting some cups and pouring what seemed to be tequila in four of them and turned around with one on each hand, “Well, you’re all about three shots behind so better catch up.”

Aaron grabbed one of the shots Matt was offering, “Well, let’s get to it then!” The director turned to all the crew, nodding with his head towards the drink table so they could all get tequila shots.

Matt was quick to pour everyone their shots and when they all had them in hand they took them at the same time, he hadn’t been kidding about catching them up because he walked down the line of people filling their cups again so they could go back for a second one.

Alex took the opportunity to check Ella out more intently. She looked amazing under the sun, her tan long legs were out, she was wearing a pair of jean shorts held up by a black double buckle belt, a black bodysuit that showed every curve on her body perfectly and on her feet were a pair of black gator skin cowboy boots with silver detailing. She looked very western, and he loved it. From his spot he could see some tattoos littering her body like the red ink writing she had on her left thigh that was making him have thoughts he couldn’t say out loud.

She wiped the drops of tequila that were falling from her chin to her neck, “Fuck.” she mumbled, “Do we really gotta do a third one?” She was already feeling the warmth from the alcohol inside her buzzing all the way to the tips of her fingers.

Matt smirked, “Yes Ellie!” He poured her a third shot, filling her cup a bit more than the last time.

She narrowed her eyes at him and Alex chuckled at her expression. Matt proceeded to pour more tequila around and when the last person was served, he shouted, “Cheers everyone!”

The burn wasn’t as bad for her anymore, but she felt like if she didn't have a chaser any time soon, she would be throwing her lunch up. Alex saw her struggling after she gulped it down, turning to the table and handing her a lime wedge.

“Ugh, thanks.” She said in a pained voice, sticking the fruit in her mouth quickly after.

The sourness relaxed her and once she felt like it was enough, Ella took it off her mouth and threw it and the cup to the trash. “Matthew, I hate you.”

Everyone laughed, some of her coworkers had reached out for lime as well and she didn’t feel as bad anymore. She was now feeling more buzzed by the second. Oh, I’m already regretting this, she said in her head.

Alex then turned to their crew and said, “We’re going on in about an hour or so, you all can go around the festival if you’d like. Those passes can take you about anywhere.” He pointed to a guy’s AAA wristband, hoping they would all take their ways and he could have some time to hang out with Ella.

With that, many of them turned to pour some drinks and make their way to the closest stage, the directors saying they were gonna check whoever was performing as well. About five minutes went by when they were all left alone with the PA by the drinks tent.

Ella smiled at them, grabbing the strap from her shoulder and taking her film camera in her hands, she turned it on before saying, “Let me take a picture of you all!” They all nodded and started taking position for the shot.

Alex ran his hand through his hair, as he smiled towards the camera. Matt and Nick were raising their drinks in the air and Jamie stood beside them with a cigarette between his lips. She captured her view, smiling at them as she lowered the device. “I’m going to be taking pictures all day so you better be good muses and pose for me.”

Alex and Matt laughed at the way she was starting to slur her words, getting very obviously tipsy already. The singer decided to tease her, “You know… you’re only missing your cowboy hat.”

She snorted, “I always have it with me.” and she lifted her left arm, showing off her little cowboy hat tattoo on the inside of her bicep.

He giggled in response, “Brilliant.” and he took a sip of his drink, “How many tattoos do you have?” He ended up asking, curious to know what she would decide to print on her skin permanently.

She took some time to think and count, touching her rib by the end and lifting a total of six fingers, “About six at the moment:” she showed her cowboy hat again, “this one’s for Tennessee,” she then turned to her side showing him her right arm, “Lover here,” she pointed to her right shoulder where the word could be read, she then proceeded to show her tricep on the same arm “The angel wings for LA,” she turned back to her front, and lifted her shorts a bit over her left thigh, “Divine feminine,” was the one on red ink Alex had first noticed, she then put her left arm up to show the outside of her forearm where three little butterflies adorned her skin “my butterflies,” and she finished touching her left ribs over her bodysuit “And Selcouth here.”

Jamie frowned as he let go of the smoke he was holding in his lungs, “Sorry, Sel– what?”

Her face softly blushed and her lips formed a shy smile, “Selcouth, uhm, it means unfamiliar or strange yet marvelous.”

Jamie nodded while Nick tilted his cup towards her, “That’s nice.”

“Thank you Nick.” She placed her hand over her chest, an exaggerated expression of her gratitude for the little compliment. “Anyway, how have you been? How’s the tour going?”

Alex sighed, moving next to her and throwing his arm around her shoulders, “Well, other than the constant moving and therefore constant jetlag, it’s been great.”

Matt, who had been doing something on the table behind them, turned around then with a smirk on his face, “But nothing some margaritas cannot cure, right lads?” He had two glasses on his hands, raising them up as he walked towards Ella. “Here you go m’lady,” and he waited until she hesitantly grabbed the glass from him to move on.

“Oh no Matt, I don’t think–” She tried saying quickly, holding the glass as far away from her as possible for him to take back but was cut off by the man before she could finish her sentence.

The drummer handed the other one to Alex and made his way back to the table to hand Jamie and Nick theirs. Holding his own drink, he turned around to tut at her, “We’re not thinking right now.” He took a sip and let out an exaggerated sigh of pleasure, “We’re having fun and getting pissed!”

She turned to her left where Alex was standing, still holding onto her. “I–” She started again but Alex looked at her expectantly, softly encouraging her to take a sip after he had taken one of his.

“It’s really good Ellie, try it.” Alex assured her, taking a second sip.

She rolled her eyes, “Okay fine, but you better not complain if you need to end up taking care of drunk Ella today.” pointing at all of them, she took a swig of the beverage.

They all cheered, throwing their arms up in the air. Alex’s arm left her shoulders for a moment and she just laughed at their enthusiasm. When his hold came back around her she approved of Matt’s creation, “That’s really good Helders, you’re gonna have to teach me how to make it.”

“Whenever you want, Ella.” Matt replied, winking at her.

She let out a short laugh that died when Alex held her a tiny bit tighter to his side. The alcohol in her system was making her feel brave, so she let her head rest on his shoulder. She felt him tense for a quick second and she was about to curse herself mentally, when she felt him rest his head on top of hers, rubbing her shoulder with his thumb, over her lover tattoo.

She bit her lip to stop a massive smile from appearing on her face, not wanting to be too obvious in front of the rest of the band who were too preoccupied chatting amongst themselves to notice.

Ella let her eyes close for a second, getting lost in the feeling of his fingers on her skin and that’s when Matt glanced at them, making eye contact with Alex who hid his smile behind his glass. The drummer didn’t say anything, he just nodded and smiled at his friend, happy to see him smiling after weeks of sadness.

A few weeks ago, the singer had broken up with his girlfriend. It was a mutual accord, both of them too busy to even see each other as often as they could manage which made them come to take the decision. Decision that very obviously hurt them both. They had been together for over four years and he had been thinking of proposing one day, but shit happens and all he could do was move forward.

Tour had been distracting him, and he had been writing a lot to cope but there was something about the way he had felt when he saw the American girl again, and now he didn’t want to let go of the feeling—therefore not letting go of her.

Ella lifted her head up, making him do the same. Alex looked down at her and she smiled at him before leaning into his ear and whispering, “I really like this new look.” she pulled back a bit and checked him out very clearly, making him blush.

He smirked with pink cheeks, “You do?”

She nodded eagerly, “Very much.” The green on her eyes, dusted with brown flakes that looked like gold under the sun, was hypnotizing him behind his sunglasses.

He let his arm fall from her shoulders to her waist, leaning into her ear and whispering, “Thanks Ella.” in a tone that almost made her shiver.

The next fifty minutes they spent all together, drinking more margaritas—which Matt had taught her now how to make—, taking pictures and just talking about whatever came to their minds.

As the time for them to be on stage got closer, the people from her crew came back, equally or more tipsy than she was. Alex had counted her current glass to be her third and when she finished it, he grabbed it from her and threw it away, leaving her side to get her a cup of water.

When he came back he grabbed her arm softly to catch her attention, “I need you to start drinking some water now, Ellie.” his voice mellow and coated with wariness over her state.

She rolled her eyes and laughed at his worried features, “Alex it’s fine, I’m not drunk yet.”

He nodded, grabbing her hand to have her fingers wrap around the cup, “Exactly, yet. We’re gonna keep drinking after our set, I just don’t want you to be sick while we’re on.”

Ella thought he looked so cute with his furrowed brows, taking care of her, “Hmm, you’re cute,” she said softly, giving him a toothy grin. “Okay, I’ll have some water.” she finally took the cup and brought it to her lips, relief washing over him.

He was blushing, really liking how she was being with him—all soft yet forward. “Great.” he replied in a mumble, holding her close to him once again like they had been all afternoon.

Many had seen them, but no one said a word. Not to him, because he was genuinely smiling after Alexa. Not to her, because no one could question her and be nosy about it in front of the band.

Her cup of water was halfway done when someone from his sound crew made his way over to their group. “Let’s go lads, we need you over by the stage. You’re on in ten.”

Alex nodded, downing the last of his drink. His mates did the same as he turned to her, “You’re gonna keep having water yeah?” his eyebrows raised as he expected her to comply.

An amused sigh was what he got, “Yes, okay, I’ll stick to water now.” She rolled her eyes as he nodded, pleased with her answer.

“Alright, see you up there.” He said before kissing her temple and making his way to the side of the stage, leaving her a statue under San Francisco’s burning sun.

She was frozen and flushed, her temple felt hot like she had been branded. Branded with the shape of his lips and she was sure she had been. That little kiss would be pathetically engraved in her mind forever now.

Matt made her come out of her trance, asking her, “Would you like another one before we go?”

She knew she should’ve kept her promise of sticking to water, but she truly felt like she was sobering back up to a barely tipsy state so she nodded, “Please and thank you, Matt.” She downed the last of the water she had and threw away her cup before going beside the drummer.

When she stood beside him he was quick to ask her, “Would you like another one so you have a refill for the show and don’t have to come back here to make yourself one?”

She giggled, “You wanna see me black out, don’t you?”

Matt laughed, shaking his head, “That would be hilarious to witness but no, I’m genuinely asking.”

“Oh Matt, you’re so kind, look at you!” She nudged his shoulder with her left hand, sarcasm so obvious in her tone. He just laughed as he poured some tequila in her glass.

A minute later her and Matt were making their ways to the side of the stage. Alex was lighting the end of a cigarette, Nick already smoking his and Jamie was telling them something. Ella thought it was the perfect opportunity to get another picture of them, so she set her glasses down on a table a few steps away from her and grabbed her film camera with her right hand.

Her feet took her to where the band was standing, and when she got close enough, she rested her hand on top of Jamie’s shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt but, can I take a picture of you guys?” she asked shyly, a little bit embarrassed over having cut their conversation short.

They all reassure her though, giving her warm smiles and nods. “Sure Ellie, where do you want us?” Jamie asked while turning around, facing her.

She pulled the camera up to her eyes, “Just stand right there and give me a pose.”

Nick kept his stance, smiling at the camera. Alex brought the cigarette from between his lips, and with it between his fingers, he put his hand out as if trying to reach for the camera. Jamie turned to him then, hugging him from behind like they were Rose and Jack from Titanic.

Ella laughed as she looked through the viewfinder, pressing the shutter once she got her lenses to focus. “Beautiful!” She exclaimed as she put the camera back down, turning it off and letting it rest on her stomach while the strap was around her neck.

“What the fuck? Why are you taking pictures of everyone but me?” Matt’s voice got louder as he came closer to them.

She snorted and brought her hand to her chest, “No, I’m sorry Matt, I’ll take another one with you! C’mon!” she waved for him to go stand beside his bandmates but the stubborn man just stood there shaking his head.

“No, I don’t want to be in the picture anymore.”

She pouted at him, “C’mon, before you have to go on stage.” she elongated her words, whining for him to move.

The drummer just stood there shaking his head as he adjusted his in-ears, the reason why he wasn’t around when they took the picture. “No.”

She rolled her eyes at his obstination, “Helders, get in the picture.”

He started playing with the drumsticks he had in his hands, shaking his head.

“I’m not going to drag you over here.” She uttered in a tired tone.

He shrugged, acting uninterested. “Okay.”

Ella threw her head back, and sighed, “Matt, please come here.”

He once again shook his head, “Thank you, I’m good.”

She deflated as the negative response reached her ears again, “Oh for fucks sake,” she mumbled to herself before pouting once again, “Please?”

The band was watching the whole situation, entertained. Matt made eye contact with Alex who was standing a couple of steps behind her, the singer just shook his head with an amused smile and Matt lost his serious stance when he chuckled.

A grin broke on her face, “Will you let me take your picture now?”

The drummer kept laughing lightly and nodded, “Yeah but this is your second and last chance.”

She rolled her eyes, bringing the camera up to her eyes. “Alright Helders, give me your best pose.” watching him through the viewfinder and trying to get the shot to focus.

He made it seem like he was going to strike a big pose, she was excited to see what he would do but then he just flipped her off with his drumsticks sticking out of his hands.

The men behind her bursted out laughing, the shutter went off once and she let the camera back down, hanging from her neck. “How nice of you, Matthew.”

He shrugged, smirking at her. “Well I really enjoyed hearing you beg, Ella.”

She rolled her eyes and it was her turn to flip him off. Matt just laughed at her, waving the lads over to start walking with him.

Just before they disappeared behind a fence, she told them “Good luck!” to which they thanked and smiled at her.

Ella went back to retrieve her margaritas, hoping no one had taken them, and to her relief they were still sitting where she had left them. She was quick to take a sip of one of the glasses, joining the group her crew made and walking with them to the side of the stage.

The festival crowd was loud, making the anticipation for their set build up. Her stomach was in knots seeing that many people and she couldn’t believe how the band didn’t seem nervous at all. They were laughing amongst themselves, adjusting their in-ears and smoking cigarettes as if they weren’t about to perform to a giant mass of people.

Ella had been staring at Alex so it was no surprise that he turned around and saw her. She kept her glance and gave him a bright grin, him matching it. He took a look at her hands and saw the cocktails she was holding onto. Alex raised his eyebrow in question, and she giggled before putting her cup up and mouthing ‘cheers’ to him to then take a long sip of the beverage.

He shook his head, smirking at her. He found everything she did so endearing, he was getting confused on what exactly was her effect on him. He couldn’t help but compare it to how he felt when Alexa would look at him or talk about him to her friends. But that was love, he was in love with Alexa and she was his girlfriend. Surely what he felt for Ella wasn’t love, he only was attracted to her; a crush, perhaps. Yet, it felt nice and he wanted to keep the feeling for as long as he could.

His thoughts were interrupted when they were instructed to get on stage. Walking up to hundreds of people who were screaming for their band and their music was something that he would never grow tired of. Not even in a narcissistic way, but a bloody-hell-I-can’t-believe-this-is-my-job way.

He blew the audience a kiss and waved at them as he went over to retrieve his guitar from its stand, then making way to the microphone to greet them. “How you doing, everybody?” he strummed his guitar, pressing on a pedal so it sounded distorted.

Her and the crew were cheering along with the crowd, only getting louder when Matt started hitting the drums. With ‘Library Pictures' they started their set, Ella knew the lyrics by heart so she was having the time of her life singing, dancing and drinking while she watched them play.

Their set lasted an hour long, and it went by so fast between the crowd going louder for their most recognized songs and the band feeding off their energy.

Soon enough, they were getting ready to play their last song, Alex said a few words before starting it. “Thank you very much everybody, thanks for coming out. You’ve been a terrific audience.” He pointed out to the people as he talked, “We’ve gotta go now, which is sad… but, erm, you enjoy the rest of your day and we’ll see you some other time.” And with that he started playing the chords to ‘When The Sun Goes Down’, singing the starting verses.

Before he repeated the last line of the song’s intro, he took a pause and the crowd yelled, cheering on the upcoming beat change. “Make some noise everybody, let me hear you.” said Alex to the crowd, encouraging their screams.

Matt took the moment to turn to the side of the stage, seeing Ella in the center of the group, with her cup almost empty and holding a burning cigarette between her fingers. She was cheering just as loud, making the drummer laugh before he looked back to the front, at the sea of people standing before the stage.

“I said, he’s a scumbag, don't you know.” sang Alex, making the beat drop and the band joining with their own instruments.

He turned around while playing his guitar, going over to Matt to continue strumming the chords when his friend nodded over to the side, where Ella was standing. He turned to look at her, and a big smile made its way to his face.

She had a cigarette perched between her lips and a half empty cup on her right hand, bumping her head to the beat while she imitated Matt’s beat of the drums with her hands. Alex laughed at how invested she was in the song, she was enjoying herself and that sight made him warm inside.

He turned back to the mic, singing the rest of the lyrics with the grin still stuck on his face. He looked over once again to the side of the stage, seeing her now imitating his fingers on the guitar. She smiled and pointed at him while singing the chorus with him.

Alex was so distracted by her actions that he almost sang the chorus once again, he stopped right away, mumbling an apology that was barely audible from the crowd’s cheers.

As the song came to an end, everyone but Alex stopped playing their instruments. Jamie threw his pick to the crowd and set his guitar down to leave; Matt stood up and waved at the crowd, leaving after Jamie. Nick went over his bass stand to set it down and crouched to get the drumstick Matt had thrown in the middle of stage, he tossed it to the crowd and put his arms up in celebration of their cheering before leaving.

Alex sang the last verse, elongating the last chord, to then turn around and leave his guitar next to Jamie’s. He grabbed his beer bottle and blew a kiss to the people before following the trail of his friends.

When he got to the side of the stage, he smirked and pointed at her, “You were the best dancer of the crowd.”

Ella blushed but jumped up and down exclaiming, “That was amazing!” Which made the rest of her crew come up to the band to congratulate them. The brits thanked everyone as they were all making their ways back down to the festival grounds.

Alex stood by her side, taking sip after sip of his beer. And as they took the last step of the stairs to the grass, she leaned into him and with slurred words said, “You know… this haircut really goes well with the whole rockstar thing you’ve got going on. The leather jacket, sunglasses everywhere and all that, pairs really well.”

He laughed at her drunken monologue, “How many margaritas have you had?”

She thought about it for a few seconds, frowning as she tapped her index finger on her lips, “Three, I think?” She thought back to how many times she’d left the side of the stage to make herself a drink and going back through her mind, she realized it had only been once while they were playing ‘Brick by Brick’.

He hummed and nodded at her response, “Well enjoy your last few sips of this one because it’s your last one.”

Ella pouted but nodded, knowing it would be for the better, considering they had to shoot right after the festival. “Okay, I guess.” She downed what was left of the drink, “Done!” she said with a smile, putting the now empty cup upside down in front of her, a single drop falling to the ground.

Alex chuckled at her, “You’re something else.” She was looking at him, squinting her eyes from the sun, so he grabbed his sunglasses and placed them on the bridge of her nose.

She adjusted them and softly nudged his hips with hers, “Thanks, the sun was about to make me cry.”

“You’re very welcome, they look good on you.” He complimented, making her blush.

She shook her head and put some of her hair behind her ear, “Ever the flatterer, Turner.”

They decided to go over the drinks tent to get Ella some water so she could sober up. She practically downed the first cup in less than thirty seconds, realizing how thirsty she had been for something non alcoholic or sweet. With a new cup of water for her, and a new beer bottle for Alex, they went up to their large group again.

Everyone decided to stay and watch The Black Keys, meaning they would leave at around seven thirty and they could reach their filming location to set everything up before it went fully dark out.

During the American band’s set, she had started to shiver. The sun was coming down and the wind was picking up, her no sleeve bodysuit and shorts weren’t helping her in the slightest and she had left her jacket on the bus.

When a particularly cold draft of air hit her back, the words automatically left her lips, “Shit, it’s so cold.” She was shivering despite Alex being beside her.

He of course took the opportunity to be cheeky, so he put his arm around her and hugged her to his side, “Is that better?”

“As much as I’d love to say yes, no.” she honestly replied when the wind still made her shake even with his hold tight on her.

He nodded, taking his arm off her. She thought for a second that maybe he had taken it the wrong way. But he placed his beer bottle on the ground, and took his jacket off, picking his bottle back up when he had the leather coat on his left hand.

“Here you go.” He offered his jacket to her, a shy smile on his face. He knew all about giving girls his jacket and how that looks to other people but he couldn’t give a shit about others’ opinions when he wanted her to be warm and to see how she’d look wearing something of his—other than his eyewear, that is.

She immediately looked to her sides at the crew scrambled around the main stage side area where they were standing. They were with the crowd but far away enough that no one would bother them, the people were too engrossed in the band playing on stage. The group she’d come with were all distracted as well and weren’t looking at them but she still didn’t want to draw more attention to them and she had a feeling that once they went to the hotel to sleep, she would be drowned in questions from her coworkers about her and Alex’s proximity.

She waved her hand in front of her as if to say no, “Alex, it’s fine I can bear it for a little longer until we leave.”

He knew why she was saying no, as she kept glancing over to her bosses and coworkers, so he reassured her, “Everyone is distracted Ella, no one’s going to see.” He understood her distress since he didn’t want her to get in trouble either or for people to talk about things that don’t concern them, but it would be fine.

Blood rushed to her cheeks when he said that, knowing he knew exactly what her thoughts were on the situation, so she sighed and gave in. “You’re annoying.” she stated as she grabbed the coat from him.

With a smirk on his face, he was quick to bite back, “And you’re very stubborn.”

Ella felt the comfort engulf her as she put the jacket on, drowning in his scent. It was slightly big on her but she looked stunning nonetheless, the sleeves covering up her hands made him want to squeeze her cheeks and kiss her. He felt the sudden urge to kiss her.

But they just smiled at each other, enjoying each other’s company far too much for this to be only a friend-through-work situation. His sunglasses were resting on top of her head now, so he stared at her hazel green eyes, getting lost in her gaze. She was staring right back at him with the hints of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. They were engrossed in each other's features while ‘Howlin’ for You’ played in the background, it was the claps and cheers that brought them back to where they were.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

About half an hour after The Black Keys set had finished, they had left the festival and arrived at the location they were filming. The production crew wasted no time and scrambled off their small bus to start setting everything up, taking advantage of the last minutes of light the sunset offered.

After what felt like another half an hour later, the empty field was now filled with light panels surrounding a black vintage car that was going to be the main attraction for this section of the music video.

Ella went into full work mode right as she stepped out of the bus. She was no longer wearing Alex’s jacket, she changed it for hers as soon as she got in the bus to avoid any questioning, his sunglasses now hanging on the neck of her bodysuit.

She was running around checking on everyone, making calls to the actor who was on his way for the next section of the music video that they were recording tonight as well. The model, Cali, was getting her makeup done after having been put in a skin tight black latex dress with matching heeled boots.

There was so much to check up around that she was definitely sober now. She stood by the directors once the model was ready and she pointed her where to go.

As the directors were busy and everyone was focused on setting audio and cameras up properly, she went back to the bus to retrieve Alex’s jacket.

He was standing on the left side of the production setup, far away in the shadows smoking a cigarette. The rest of the band stood looking as well, only closer to the directors’ chairs. She made sure to make enough noise for him to realize she was there but not enough to disrupt the filming process.

When Ella reached his side, she lightly touched his arm and he turned to her smiling. “Thank you.” she mouthed to him and he just nodded, scared of getting scolded for making any noise that could somehow ruin the shoot.

Knowing she had to leave and be present at her job, she pointed backwards so he got that she was going back to Ben and Aaron’s side. He would’ve loved to have her beside him while they filmed but she couldn’t and she wouldn’t either, she was professional and he had seen that before. So he nodded once again and as he went to take the ashy stick out of his lips, he waved her goodbye.

The model was posing in front of the cameras, getting filmed by two of them when Ella made it back to her bosses’ side. Only ten minutes later they announced they had enough footage of that and they could move on to the next frame which included Alex and Matt.

She had to call them over and the stylists made sure to have them looking good and ready before they stepped into the car. Alex took over the driver’s seat, Matt in the backseat of the car along with Cali.

A speaker they had brought along blasted the song they were filming for, ‘Black Treacle’, and she had to bite her tongue not to sing along.

The directors wasted no time in recording the new shot. Alex mimicked driving while he sang the lines he had composed, acting very confident and collected as he stared up front like there weren't two big cameras up on his face.

In great comparison, Matt sat with Cali on his lap, acting like she was getting off with him; his hands wandering up and down her sides, one of them grazing her ass.

Ben called cut about five minutes later, making Cali take place beside Matt once again. Ella was instructed by Aaron to retrieve something from the production design table, a Lyle’s black treacle can.

The main camera on Alex’s face still rolling as the two behind him listened intently to the instructions. Alex took the time to mess around in front of the camera, lifting his hand up and showing the middle finger to it, to then raise his index finger and make it a peace sign. He put his hand down to, seconds later, bring the peace sign back up, this time slightly puckering his lips up to the lenses.

She came back with the item in hand and Aaron thanked her before swiftly placing it on top of the car’s dashboard, perfectly subtle in the shot. Ben finished with his instructions and went back to Aaron’s side, calling the other camera men to start rolling again. And after another fifteen minutes of Alex’s fake driving and Matt’s fake makeout, the scene was wrapped up.

The two musicians made it out of the car; Cali followed close behind, but walked over to the makeup team where she could sit. Alex spotted Jamie and Nick standing beside Ella, who had her usual blue clipboard held tight to her side.

Jamie smirked at his drummer friend and was quick to tease, “Look at you Helders, getting all the action.”

Ella grinned at the comment before adding, “Yeah, isn’t that meant for the lead singers?” her gaze playful on Alex now, seeing his smirk as reaction to her comment.

“Oh he would love that, just with someone else I’m sure.” Matt trailed off, looking at Alex and then back to Ella.

Alex’s grin faltered at his friend’s statement, his face going slightly pale at the very obvious glance he had given the American girl, one that Ella hadn’t even noticed since she was preoccupied at how he had reacted at the mention of that someone else, feeling a pitiful sinking of her stomach.

“Matt, I swear I’ll kick you if you talk too much.” Alex quickly threatened through his teeth, staring sternly at his friend missing her brief frown.

Ella was quick to clear her throat, bringing an act up and stupidly trying to pry information on who that someone else might be, to settle the fact that everything that had happened today had been nothing to get excited about. Or maybe he was just flirty and she felt dumb for feeling special about the way he acted with her.

She internally laughed at herself for being pathetic and getting her hopes up for getting his attention for a day, she had to remind herself of what was reality. He was a rockstar and she was just a PA. He was constantly touring the world and she stayed in California. He could have anyone he wanted and she was just another girl.

Cursing herself for feeling so down over the comment she forced out a chuckle, “Oh, who’s the girl that has caught your eye? Is she a model as well?”

Alex whipped his head around to look at her, his features coated in confusion. He automatically saw through her, the way she was fiddling with her pen and the lack of authenticity behind her grin, her eyes showed the slightest bit of disappointment. He softly grinned at the thought of it meaning that she found him attractive and liked his company too, but his heart sank as he saw how Matt’s comment had rubbed off the wrong way on her.

He turned back to Matt and scolded him, “Helders, just shut up.”

His need to keep Matt quiet about the matter made her evening bitter, the thought of seeing herself as a fool only cutting deeper inside her. Jamie and Nick laughed, Matt pressed his lips together in amusement, all whilst Ella had to fake another laugh but failed at making it sound real.

Aaron called her up this time, her feet quickly taking her to her boss without even saying bye to the band since she just wanted to get away.

The crew had to put up a bonfire now, so a group of six people started gathering what they would need. The car was moved to the side by a crew member, getting the space free to make the brick circle in which they set the tinder and kindling wood, and then formed a teepee of firewood over it. Ella threw three matches and started the fire, the flames growing taller as the seconds went by, warming everyone around the site.

In fear of the fire burning out too quickly because of the wind, they started rolling the new scene soon after the flames came alive. The whole band was instructed to come in front of the burning wood, and they were filmed standing around it for only five minutes as they grew too hot, too soon.

With a few minutes to cool down, Matt was called in front of it again, to pose for the camera just to have those visually pleasing shots. And lastly it was Alex’s turn. He looked angelic, contrasted to the hell-like heat that burned; his leather clad back facing the camera, all Ella could see was the way the flames outlined his body frame in a way she just had to capture. She placed her clipboard between her legs and was quick to pull her camera to her eyes after turning it on. She took the picture and after advancing the film, quickly turned the device back off, feeling the weight on her neck again but satisfied by immortalizing such a moment.

He was hypnotic to her. The way he moved, the way he talked, the way he looked. Everything he did was smooth and magnetic, and she couldn’t peel her eyes off of him.

She was too enthralled by the singer that she didn’t notice how Matt had caught her taking the picture. He smiled at the sight and at how her shoulders slumped after she had pressed the shutter as if relieved to have caught the perfect frame.

He wouldn’t say anything to her about it but he wanted to make her know he’d seen it happen in a subtle way. So he approached her slowly and once beside her he asked, “Enjoy film photography much?”

Ella turned to see him, wide eyed and flushed but cleared her throat knowing there was nothing she could do if Matt had seen her actions. “A lot, yes. I started back in freshman year of university. Learned quite fast since I took a lot of pictures in frat parties,” She chuckled at the memory, “You become quite popular and invited to each and every one of them when you are recognized as the photographer.”

Matt hummed in response, “I got into photography in college at 16, around the same time I got into the drums. It was mainly because we just had access to cameras and we also had a dark room to develop our own pictures.”

She was slightly surprised but her smile quickly made an appearance on her face. She hadn’t genuinely smiled in a good fifteen minutes. “That’s sick! I’ve always wanted to have a proper dark room to develop. What camera do you use?”

“A Canon Canonet and I love it but I think I might get a Leica next. It’s just hard to let go of the first camera you fall in love with, isn’t it?”

Ella giggled as she nodded, “It really is.”

“Can I give yours a look?” Matt asked, genuinely curious about her gear and she nodded with enthusiasm.

She handed him her Minolta X-370, telling him how she had started in digital when she was in highschool before she saved up enough to get a second hand Olympus OM-10 in university and that was when she had fallen in love with analog photography, that had only led her into a massive spiral of film photography which was now one of her true passions along with videography.

Ella let him take a few shots, telling him how many shots she remembered to have left on the roll and she loved being able to bond with him over photography.

Alex was a few steps away from them when he saw them standing next to each other, sharing a high five. Her arm was on his shoulder while he held her camera in his hands and something inside Alex stung. His jaw tightened but seeing her smiling big after what had happened before made him loosen up again, stubbornly grateful for his friend for bringing back the sight.

The singer cleared his throat and they both brought their eyes up to him. “Hey mate. Was just telling Ellie how I’ve been into film photography since we were 16 and she let me give her camera a go. Can’t say I’ve ever used a Minolta before.” Matt explained, seeing the obvious unsettled feeling his friend was showing.

“Now that I know you take film, promise me you’re gonna send me your scans.” Ella pointed at him seriously, “The pictures you get while on tour must be stunning.”

Matt chuckled and gave her back her camera, “They are. I’ll send you some later.”

A tiny shriek came from her as she hugged Matt briefly, “Okay, I’m going to check on Ben and Aaron now, see you in a bit.” Her steps were fast, making her miss the sigh Alex left out after her abrupt goodbye.

A few minutes later, she had received a call from the actor telling her that he was at the place, so she met up with him and brought him over to get ready. It didn’t take long for the man to be in his costume which consisted of some jeans and an orange flannel.

Taking advantage of the energy they all still had, they didn’t waste more time and drove to a gas station that had allowed them to film, a mile away from them.

Once there, everyone took out their equipment and settled for the filming to resume. Matt had to act like he beat the man up in exchange for his clothes, since the drummer was playing a fugitive who still wore that typical inmate orange jumpsuit.

In the middle of the filming, Matt had started complaining about being hungry and not subtly commenting how good the food from the place crossing the street smelt like so Ella was sent over to the tiny restaurant and came back in record time with a big burrito in her hands.

Matt thanked her and went straight for it, the camera even catching him eating while he was supposed to be in character, driving Alex and Cali. She was sure the editing team would still use the shots though, since they looked so natural and weirdly accurate for the plot.

When the drummer came back out of the car, munching on his food, Ella took the chance of teasing him. “You know, you look like a proper southern dad. A farmer dad.”

Jamie and Nick doubled over in laughter, “Oh my god, he does!” exclaimed the bassist in laughs.

“Mate never move to the south of the states and have kids, it isn’t a good look.” Alex added, struggling to keep the laughs inside.

“You’re all jealous because I’m the main character now.” stated Matt, which earned him multiple head shakes and sneers.

Ella snorted, “Trust me Matt, no one’s jealous of that look.” And with that, laughter rained up on the group.

Their amusement was interrupted by Ben wrapping the evening up, signaling everyone on the Focus Creeps crew to pack up and fit everything back in the bus.

They drove up to the hotel the band was staying at, Aaron having managed to get rooms at the same place for a night.

At the lobby, the crew separated into groups and made a line to retrieve their keycards. Everyone with a backpack on their sides and a tired look on their faces. The British men were far too tired to wait until they were done, deciding to just say goodbye right there and go to their rooms.

Alex went up to the directors, shaking their hands and saying goodnight. The rest of his mates doing the same, and despite wanting nothing more than to hug Ella goodnight, he had to settle for waving her goodbye just like he did everyone else.

She gave him a shy smile and a tiny goodnight that definitely didn’t reach his ears. And with that he went to the elevators, eventually passing out in his bed with her on his mind.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

They had a good night of sleep, despite having to wake up early to have breakfast and check out as soon as possible. They should be arriving at Los Angeles before one in the afternoon, and with a six hour drive ahead of them, they needed to fight the clock.

Her brain had been swarmed by thoughts and she cursed her tendency to overthink for keeping her up longer than she had wanted to.

Ella knew people had noticed how close she was with Alex throughout the day and she knew questions were coming but the palms of her hands still clammed up when multiple people approached her in the lobby wanting to know details on the situation.

She had denied everything, swearing none of them felt any type of way towards the other—even though she knew she’d let her hopes rise up and it had ended up poorly for her. She denied having kissed him when they asked her, even if she’d been thinking about how that would feel all day.

She told them all how he was flirty with everyone, it was his personality so they shouldn’t think anything else about it. She was glad half of them shut up after that, the other half smirking at her, calling her lucky or mocking her words as if to say she was full of shit.

Ella got ready and had breakfast quite early, pinching an Advil from one of her coworkers for the slight headache she’d woken up with this morning. Today was packed: they’d be driving back to Los Angeles and basically recording the whole day, for as long as the sun decided to stay up; so she really needed this headache to go away.

They ended up loading the bus and heading off back to LA before it hit eight, managing to arrive at their location a little bit over one in the afternoon.

It was good that the crew was quick and effective, setting everything up in less than twenty minutes, enough time to have Matt ready and Breana, the new model, getting her hair and makeup done as well.

They were propped up inside an abandoned police station in the middle of the desert. It had a couple of jail cells, a tiny medical wing and some offices for the staff that used to work there.

Right when the cameras were ready to go, Ben had Alex walk through hallways to be recorded like that. He was wearing his typical jeans and leather jacket, with a simple shirt but always loyal to his sunglasses, even indoors. Matt was in one of the cells wearing an inmate jumpsuit, being filmed by two people and guided by Aaron.

She was running everywhere, being needed for small things every five minutes, even having to leave the premises with one of her coworkers to retrieve the rental car they had gotten that was the same make and model from the one they had used in San Francisco the night before.

Ella smiled at Alex when they made eye contact as she made her way to Ben. “Rental is here, we have Breana ready in the wedding dress and Aaron is still over there with Matt, I don’t really know how much he’s got left.” she informed her boss, to have him make the decision on what to do next.

Ben nodded and thought for a couple of seconds under the gaze of multiple people, “Let’s go ahead and do Breana’s shots outside while Aaron finishes up with Matt.”

“Alright, I’m gonna let him know.” just as fast as she said that, she left.

Alex knew that after Matt’s comment on set, she had retrieved back into that shell of hers. He wanted to know why, not trusting himself to come up with his own answers. The one thing he knew is that he’d try to make her feel better today, in any way he could. He’d just have to trust he’d have his chances.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

His luck had run out, or that’s what he thought had happened as he had no chance of talking to her at any moment throughout the day.

When she was free to talk, he was being filmed. When he was given the light to stand back behind the cameras, she was outside filming with Ben and Breana. When he could see her coming inside the building, she was way too busy for him to try and approach her. When they all went outside to join the other part of the crew, he had to go in the car to film with Matt and Breana.

Ella was on full work mode, it was hard to believe she was fighting a resilient headache that hadn’t died down even after the pills she’d taken. She was constantly asking Breana if she was alright, knowing she had to be somehow uncomfortable in a big wedding dress, in the middle of the desert under the blazing sun. A total of four water bottles is what the model had gone through, and Ella was slightly concerned as she was on her fifth bottle herself and she wasn’t the one running for the camera.

Ella trusted her though. Breana, or Bre—how she had told Ella she could call her—, was so nice to her. She had been making her laugh in between takes and she was grateful for the lovely distraction being the model and not Alex.

Maybe, she thought, I can get used to not being distracted by Alex and keeping it professional if I keep busy enough.

Now, after hours since Aaron and Ben had decided to wrap up on the desert scenes and they had all gone to a new hotel close to where they were filming the next day to shower, the whole group had followed someone’s suggestion on a bar nearby and they were surrounded by very American decoration—too neon for her tired eyes—and the constant chatter and clinking of glasses against each other.

The thuds of balls hitting the pool table’s wooden borders were surprisingly loud over the old juicebox machine that was playing some country song she could remember listening to on the radio when driving around the countryside at six years old in her dad’s truck.

Places like this brought her back home, and she found herself rubbing her fingers over her little cowboy hat on her arm while she took sip after sip of her rum and coke, absentmindedly nodding along at her coworker's story from her sister’s bachelorette party.

“Thank God her best friend didn’t end up calling those strippers or my grandma would’ve fainted and made her kick her out before the evening was over.”

Taking that as a cue, Ella straightened up and excused herself to go over to the bar for a refill. The place was fairly busy for a Sunday night, so instead of going back to her friends while she waited for the bartender to take her order, she leaned on the side of the bar’s varnished wood countertop.

“Excuse me.” She heard someone say softly to the couple talking to her right, they nodded towards the person and stepped aside to give him some space.

Of course she didn’t need to turn to see who it was, Alex Turner himself was standing beside her, looking as handsome as ever and smirking down at her.

“Fancy seeing you here.” he greeted, his smirk only growing when she rolled her eyes and blushed.

“Hey Alex,” her voice was soft and if he wasn’t right beside her, he could’ve missed her words. “You enjoying yourself?”

She was adorable, going all shy, and Alex felt slightly bad for coming over with the intention of being explicitly flirty with her but he also wanted to shoot his shot and see her reaction. “It’s been good so far. I actually came here to tell you something.” he left his words lingering in the air and she frowned at the mysteriousness of it all.

He was still smirking though, so it was confusing her a little, “What’s up?”

“I think there must be something wrong with my eyes,” he started and she got a tiny bit closer to see right into his eyes so she could see if he’d gotten anything in them, but he caught her off guard with what he said next, “I can’t seem to take them off of you.”

Ella could feel her cheeks burning up, her jaw had fallen slightly and she almost let out a scoff in disbelief. She ended up laughing as she shook her head, “How much have you had to drink?”

He shrugged and completely evaded her question, “I mean it.” Truth is he had only had two pints of beer, he wasn’t even drunk.

She was sure it was impossible for her cheeks to go redder but they had and she felt them hotter than ever, “Oh Alex, stop it.” she stared at the ground and shook her head.

The bartender caught her attention then and she got another glass, filled almost to the rim. She tipped the man good for the generosity, she really needed the liquid courage if Alex was saying shit like that to her.

But before she could keep the conversation, he leaned into her ear and with his arm snaking around her waist and said “See you around Ella.” and with a gentle squeeze of her side, he left her there, blushing and breathless.

Fucking hell, so much for keeping myself distracted from him.

Thirty minutes later, she felt like she was in those movies where you get stuck in the same day, over and over, because Alex was by her side once more while she waited for the bartender to make his way around to her.

She turned to her side to face him and before she even had the chance to say something he gave her another flirty line, “Serious question,” she nodded at his fake appearance of curiosity, already feeling her cheeks turning crimson by whatever he was going to say, “How does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room?”

Ella was expecting a pick up line but not that pick up line and she definitely went bright red. She covered her face so he couldn’t see her like that but he had been staring at her face, he hadn’t missed the way she’d blushed even if he’d only seen it for a second before she’d use her hands to hide.

“Alexxxx” she whined, not knowing what else to say, because what could she say after that? She never had a clue of what she was supposed to respond to pick up lines and the fact that it was Alex saying them made it even harder to think. Not just a response, anything. Anything at all.

He hummed in satisfaction, smirking at her,“I like it when you say my name like that.”

Something inside her flipped and she felt a tingling feeling travel all throughout her body, specially feeling those words between her legs. She wouldn’t even dare to open her mouth, scared of the noise or whatever words that would come out so she stuck to shaking her head.

A few seconds later, she pulled her head back up from between her hands, “Do you always tell girls the same lines?”

He shook his head confidently, “No, I promise this is the first time I’ve ever told a girl that last one.”

Ella narrowed her eyes at him, “I don’t believe you.” He’s full of shit, there’s no way he hasn’t used that one before, she thought.

He grinned softly at her, as if to reassure her, “It’s a promise and I don’t break those Ellie.”

In the same second her name had left his lips, the thud of a glass being put on the table was heard. She slapped some ten bills on the side for the man who served her to take and she turned around to the singer to lift her glass up and down her double rum on the rocks.

He chuckled at her, as she wiped a drop of alcohol from her chin and licked the finger she’d done it with. “Okay, easy there Ellie.”

She was feeling a little bit braver by now, and still not believing him she dared him, “Don’t you have any cheesier lines left, Turner?”

He smirked, “Yeah, this one,” he cleared his throat and started, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude, but you owe me a drink…” he took a pause, his facial expression dramatic as he put up a character to deliver the line correctly. Ella was expectantly waiting for the next bit, slightly growing impatient even if it had only been a pause of five seconds, “Because when I saw you, I dropped mine.”

She burst out laughing, not believing him for using that cringey line. “Has that one ever worked?” she asked between giggles.

He smiled amused at her laughter, “To be honest, I don’t think so.”

They both doubled over in laughter, the alcohol making the situation funnier than it was but she was laughing with him and that’s all that mattered, and as she stayed the rest of the night with him, talking and sharing drinks, it made him feel even more pleased. It was a feeling that stuck with him even after the rest of the band and some of the members of her crew joined them for the rest of the night.

After the short walk back to the hotel from the bar that she’d done beside Diana and Tyler, she went up to her hotel room. The night was quiet, hallways echoed at the slightest step you took and it felt like you could startle everyone awake on your floor when you closed the door to your room, but her brain was in a frenzy.

As she dumped micellar water on a cotton pad to take off her makeup, continuing with every step of her nighttime routine, it seemed like her mind wouldn’t shut up about the bar and Alex. Alex at the bar. Alex at the bar with her. Everything he had said at the bar. All the fleeting touches she could still feel on her skin.

Ella felt like screaming at herself, to shut it all up. She couldn’t get her hopes up for some cheesy pick up lines he could’ve googled five minutes before approaching her, for some hugs that maybe were usual for him to give around, for the behavior that maybe was his normal way to be.

He could be flirty with everyone.

She didn’t necessarily know him that well to tell if this was special treatment or if he was that way with every lady he got close with. And on top of it all, he had been drinking, and under the influence she was well aware people tended to turn more flirtatious than usual. Her older sister was living proof of that, and she shivered at the flash of memories that came to the front of her mind with that train of thought.

She pointed at herself in the mirror while brushing her teeth, her eyes stern and seemingly threatening. You either get a grip or you get someone to slap you into consciousness, she threatened herself and with a nod, she finished getting ready for bed. She only hoped that once she got in bed, sleep would get her as soon as her head touched the pillow.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It hadn’t been like that.

Her brain did her dirty once again, and she kept herself awake for way too long overthinking. Just like she always did. Her days were a cycle of constant overthinking, that’s why she made sure to keep herself busy, or to keep a packet of cigarettes and her lighter always on her.

This new day was going to be just as exhausting as the one before it, only even harder due to the hangover she was sporting. She’d taken two ibuprofens first thing in the morning, chugged a bottle of water and put on some cheap black sunglasses she’d bought at a gas station on the last spring break she’d celebrated in Florida with her university friends that surprisingly had survived the wear of the years. Her film camera was hanging around her neck once again, making sure she’d have it with her since regretting leaving it in her backpack instead of taking it to the bar with her the night before.

They all drove to a house a couple of miles away from where they had stayed the night. Still out in the desert, the house was very rustic and had a giant backyard. There was a pool and outside of the fences that surrounded the property was an old stable, surrounded by old cars and a junkyard in which the owner seemed to like to play mechanic.

Bre was getting ready and her outfits for the shoot had Ella’s jaw dropping every time. She couldn’t deny how gorgeous Breana was, and to be honest she might even have a slight crush on the model but she wouldn’t do anything about it.

The day was going by smoothly. Aaron and Ben stayed filming with Tyler inside the house, most of the time the crew was kept to a minimum to keep Bre comfortable when she had to film half naked or topless.

Breana was a good sport though, very professional and keeping a straight face and in character even when Ella thought she’d feel vulnerable, because god knows that if she even had to be in her underwear in front of one single camera she’d be blushing and shaking non stop. Ella was in awe of how easy it was for Bre to strip down in front of Matt—who she’d just met the day before—and the rest of the people standing behind the scenes, and basically act like she was having sex with the drummer.

So Ella was running around as per usual but most of the time it was to have Bre be at her most comfortable state, getting her water when she needed it, handing her a robe if she asked for it, asking if she wanted anything in particular or if she was comfortable with the shot they’d just done.

When everyone came outside and it was time for Matt and Breana to be filmed messing around in the pool, Alex finally saw her behavior towards the model and he couldn’t help but silently laugh. Nick and Jamie confused as to what was the laughter for when Breana was topless diving into the pool now, they thought maybe it was funny because of Matt’s reactions to the model and that was the only conclusion they could get at while watching everything unfold in front of them.

When Ella made her way by Alex’s side and sighed, he chuckled under his breath. She turned to him and frowned, slightly confused at his reaction to her coming his way. “What?” she’d asked rather defensively but still lighthearted.

“I haven’t seen someone act like this since I was in primary school and someone had a crush on a girl from their class.” he smirked playfully at her.

She rolled her eyes, blushing at being caught for tending a lot to Breana. “Oh shut up, you can’t blame me. Look at her, she’s stunning.”

He didn’t take her eyes off of her though as he replied rather lazily, “Hmm, I guess she is.”

She turned to him slightly offended, “You guess?”

He rolled his eyes playfully now, “Okay yes, she is stunning.” He stated one more time but was still watching the American girl in front of him intently.

Ella hummed with a doubtful expression on her face while she frowned, “I thought so… Was starting to think you had some real trouble with your eyes then.”

He took the opportunity to bring yesterday back up then, “I tried telling you yesterday, you wouldn’t believe me.”

Something in her went hot and flipped at the same time, “You’re a tease, you know that Turner?” she nudged him with her hip, making him slightly sway to the side.

“I’ve been told that one too many times.” Alex smirked at her, nudging her back with his hip.

Ella had to force her jaw to stay in place, unholy thoughts making way through her mind and she knew she would go bright red if she kept looking at him while thinking of all the ways she could make him prove that.

She looked back to her front, seeing Breana come back out of the water and hugging herself. She cleared her throat and pointed to her right side, “I’m gonna get her a towel.” she muttered and a shit eating grin was plastered on his face from seeing her reaction to such a simple sentence.

As she left, with the slight sway of her hips and the sight of the high rise black shorts she had on and how they contrasted against her tan legs, he also had some unholy thoughts about how pretty she’d look in between his sheets.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Before the trip had happened, and the list was handed to her at the start of the month, Ella had suggested bringing a biker gang to record with the Monkeys. Because what’s more American than a biker gang.

Ben and Aaron had jumped on the idea straight away, and she made sure to find the friendliest group of bikers out there that were down to appear in the video posing as a dangerous outlaw gang.

An hour later since she had left Alex’s side, she had made her way back to where the band—minus Matt—was standing. “Okay so I have a surprise…” she said in a high pitch tone and with her hands clutching her clipboard tightly to her chest as she rose up and down on her tippy toes as if she wanted to jump on her place but was holding back from doing it.

Nick automatically matched her enthusiasm, “What is it?” he asked effusively and Jamie raised an eyebrow and laughed at his mate’s reaction.

“So I hired a biker gang for the video,” she paused and her smile got even brighter when she saw the three men respond positively to her surprise, “and you’re all joining them on the ride while we film.”

Jamie nodded excitedly, “That’s brilliant, thank you Ella.”

She almost screeched, “I’m so glad you liked the idea, for a second before coming here I got scared you all hated bikes or something.”

Alex shook his head, “We actually have ours at home.”

She gasped, “Oh really?!? Oh my god– Okay, okay, let’s go!” She turned around quickly, hoping they would follow her as she made her way to the big group of sixteen people on bikes that were waiting by the side of the big empty road.

The guys chuckled at her eagerness, and went behind her matching her quick pace. Once they reached the bikers, she made sure to introduce them all and thank them for coming and filming with the band.

She’s adorable, thought Alex.

Ben had gotten four bikes for the band, which were standing a little further behind the large group of bikers. Ella made sure to guide them to the vehicles, Matt already sitting on his with Breana sat behind him. They seemed quite cozy for the camera’s not to be rolling anymore.

As the guys chose their bikes, she turned on her camera. Alex was sitting on the bike he’d chosen, putting the helmet on and the leather gloves that were there as well.

Matt opened his mouth, seeing the perfect opportunity laid out in front of him so he asked in a tone that said he was up to no good, “Ella! Have you ever ridden a motorbike?”

She shook her head, “No, but they seem fun though.”

The biggest, most satisfied grin appeared on the drummer’s face then, “Oh I’m sure Alex would love to take you for a ride.” His tone so suggestive, Breana laughed harder than she’d anticipated, having to hide in Matt’s neck to lower the intensity of it.

Nick continued the teasing, “Alex likes a good ride, you’re assured to have fun.”

Jamie not even missing a beat before adding, “Or you could take her for a ride later if that’s what you both want, privacy and all.” The guitarist winked and she was as red as one could be, but she took her camera and used it as a prop to hide her blush.

In the viewfinder she found Alex flipping off Jamie and Nick who were standing on his right side by the bikes they had chosen. She focused the shot and pressed the shutter, rolling the film to have it ready for the next frame.

Alex turned to Helders then, taking his helmet off to talk. Instead of directing his words to his friend, he sent them to Breana, “I assure you Breana, it’s not gonna be a good ride so don’t waste your time.”

Breana laughed even louder, making Ella do the same and the guys exploded in laughter when Matt copied Alex and flipped him off. “Don’t listen to him Bre, I promise that’s not true. He’s just frustrated.”

“Well that sounds desperate now, Matthew.” Ella chatted back after gaining back some composure.

“No it doesn’t, I’m just saying… It’s not a veridic statement.” The drummer continued pushing his argument.

Jamie snickered, “You’re just making it worse there mate.”

Matt huffed, the bandana covering his mouth blowing at his action. “You know what? See ya’ later, dickheads!”

And with that and a shriek from Bre, he changed gears, pressed the pedal and went fast straight into the empty road.

Ella turned around after the cloud of dust had disappeared and looked at Alex who was squinting from the sun’s intensity and his lack of sunglasses on his face. She still had her camera on and in between her hands, so she snapped one last shot of him with his hair all messy from taking the helmet off and sweaty from the desert’s burning weather.

She advanced the film roll one last time before turning her camera back off and letting it hang on her neck. Nick and Jamie had put on their gloves already and were getting the helmets on their heads when Alex spoke up.

“So are you hopping on or not?” his hands were resting on his spread thighs and she had to force herself not to get distracted by those legs and look up to his face.

“I don’t know… Ben and Aaron might need me and I–”

“They won’t say anything if I explain how I’d refuse to get in the shot if you weren’t riding with me.” he shrugged nonchalantly while she was blushing once again. “C’mon, I wanna be the one that gives you your first ride.” he said innocently, no suggestive undertone.

She raised her left eyebrow and replied, “You wouldn’t be the first one.”

“But you said–?” he continued, confused until he saw her face and realized what she meant. He smirked at her sudden boldness, “Well then, we shall see how well you ride.”

And just like that her boldness was snapped away and she blushed harder. Keeping her stare at the ground as she took her steps over to him and the bike, she reached to grab the helmet Matt had left behind and she put it on carefully under Alex’s gaze. Moving her camera to rest on her left side rather than on her stomach.

Carefully she sat behind the singer, not really knowing what to do with her arms. He saw her hesitating hugging him by the waist so he encouraged the action. “Just hold onto me alright? I promise I won’t go too fast.”

She hummed at his promise, scooting a bit closer to his back so she was pressed into him. Her hands clasping each other around his middle was a sight that made him smile hard under his helmet.

When he revved the engine of the bike, her hold got tighter and he laughed at the tiny shriek she let out. “Don’t worry, I got you Ellie.” He squeezed her right thigh briefly in reassurance, and with the thought of how natural it felt to do that with her, he changed gears and started driving.

They rode the bikes for about twenty minutes, mainly following the same path as the bikers. The cameras followed them and she was living for the thrill it gave her. The day hadn’t finished, yet she couldn’t wait for the next time she’d get to ride a bike.

Taking a break in a long dirt field, Matt and Alex stood up from the bikes, Ella still sat on Alex’s but without her helmet now. Alex’s helmet had taken over his seat and they were all smoking Ella’s cigarettes.

Both musicians had teased her for her selection of cigarettes, “Really Ella? You couldn’t get more American.” Matt had said the second he saw the turquoise Natural American Spirit cigarette pack.

Alex giggled, “What does organic cigarettes even mean?”

She excused herself blushing like she always did. “It means the tobacco is organic,” she rolled her eyes, “but okay, let me be, I just wanted to try them. A friend recommended them to me but I’m waiting to finish this pack to go back to my Marlboro reds. I miss them.” she sighed letting the smoke out of her lungs.

Matt continued to tease, “Organic cigarettes…” he shook his head smiling, knowing that he was pushing Ella’s buttons even more.

“Okay Helders, you know what? Just shut up, I’m never sharing smokes with you again.” she scoffed, not annoyed entirely but she was teasing him as well.

“Good for me if I can avoid whatever this is.” he said waving the half burned cigarette.

She rolled her eyes once more before taking a long drag of her cigarette and then tossing it on the ground and quickly stepping on top of it. “Whatever,” she pulled her camera that was still resting on her side and turned it on, “pose for me idiots, lighting looks good here.”

They stayed where they were, chuckling but turned to look at her. Alex took a drag of his cigarette and Matt just stood there with the bandana around his neck now rather than covering half of his face. After she pressed the shutter once, she used the lever to roll the film and took one last picture. She turned it back off and waited for the men to finish smoking.

And right there her thoughts were once again all taken by Alex. She knew smoking was bad—hell, her mom had given her a huge lecture when she’d first found her smoking on a picture in Facebook, telling her all about how your lungs would slowly die and she’d get cancer if she kept that up. She knew it was true but she still rolled her eyes, she’d grown with the smell of burning tobacco from how her dad would always have at least two a day, what did she expect?

But it truly seemed like smoking didn’t do anything but good to Alex. He looked so especially hot to her when he was smoking. And she swore he could be the example of the arguments to fight the debate on smoking, in favor of the scientifically proven murderous addiction.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The day had gone on, Ben and Aaron didn’t say much about her riding in the back of Alex’s bike. She’d been nervous when approaching her bosses to ask if there was anything she could help with, but she was surprised when they just told her that the bikers scenes had been amazing, they thanked her for the good idea and managing to get such a cool group of people to work with.

She was elated to say the least, a weight lifting off her shoulders at the lack of trouble. She still had had to deal with the curious looks from multiple people on her crew but she was getting used to them now and she had been learning how to ignore them.

One of the last scenes they filmed was of Matt and Breana getting off on top of a UK flag. A fire was burning on a metal barrel beside them, the flames contrasting perfectly against the pitch black surroundings and setting the mood for the couple being filmed.

She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, she just knew Matt and Breana were hot together and she was holding her jaw closed with a bit of struggle. The band was standing with her, Nick and Jamie to her left and Alex to her right. The singer had told his two bandmates about her crush on Breana so that they would keep an eye on her behavior around her throughout the day, so while they were all watching the scene, they’d take turns to look at Ella and the poor job she was doing on trying to keep her reactions neutral.

After what felt like an hour but had only been half of one, Ben had wrapped up the production officially and everyone clapped to themselves and their hard work. Breana was called over by the costume and makeup department and after giving Matt a kiss on the cheek, she left him to get changed. The drummer spotted his friends and made his way to them with a satisfied smile.

But before he could say anything, Ella talked. “Helders, you did a good job… you lucky bitch.” she added that last bit sounding jealous, leaving the man confused.

Alex laughed, “She is a bit too jealous of how close you got with Breana, she’s got a slight crush on her.”

Nick snorted, “Slight? Not at all.”

Ella gasped, turning to Alex who was the only one who had caught her on her crush on Breana. “Alex Turner, you snitch!” she said through her teeth.

“C’mon you think no one would notice?” the singer said in defense.

Jamie aiding his friend and saying, “Yeah Ellie, you’ve been drooling.” The smirk on his face made her roll her eyes embarrassed.

Matt put an arm around Ella’s shoulders then, sighing in a fake defeated tone, “Well, who do I think I am stepping in the way of true love?”

She shrugged his arm off, “Piss off Helders.” she mumbled.

The drummer raised his eyebrows at her then, “You hang out with Alex for a bit and you start sounding British? I’m impressed.”

This time though, it was Alex who replied for her, “Helders… piss off, would ya’?”

Matt laughed, shaking his head and pointing towards Alex while looking at Jamie and Nick as if to say ‘get a load of this guy’. Jamie and Nick gave him knowing smiles, it was painfully obvious that he liked Ella and they were wondering where it would lead to.

Ella had excused herself and gone to help the production team pack everything back up. Keeping the chats with her coworkers to a minimum so she could finish sooner and so she could also avoid any talk about the band—well, Alex in particular.

Since it was a Monday and they had had quite a busy weekend, no one even suggested going out for drinks to celebrate, too tired to think about anything else other than their own beds. Ella had been too, but looking back to everything that had happened in just this weekend alone, had her filling up with a surge of energy that she was struggling to keep down.

Matt and Breana seemed especially affectionate after the production, talking to each other for the hour and a half it had taken for the Focus Creeps crew to fit everything back up on their bus.

Before everyone got to bidding each other farewell, Matt and Breana approached the directors and Ella.

“Ben, Aaron. Was just thinking here with Breana, wouldn’t it be fun if we went to Las Vegas for the day and filmed a bit there? We could get some good footage there.” He sounded very convincing, really trying to sell his idea. Not because he wanted to be filmed more, he’d rather be done with it already but he wanted to spend more time with Bre and Alex to have Ella’s presence for a little while longer too so if this idea would have them that, then so be it.

To Ella’s surprise, Aaron declined on the idea, “I’m tempted to say yes, but we need to go back and start editing and look over the footage just to see if we need to do any reshoots.”

Ben’s addition though was the one that gave her whiplash. “But Ella could go, and film you guys around like she did in the arcade. I know you all get along with her so I’m sure you wouldn’t mind just having her than the full crew.” His suggestion lingered in the air and everyone turned to look at her for an answer.

She opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out of it. Matt looked at her encouragingly, Breana was resting her chin on his shoulder and kept nodding at her to incite her to say yes. Ella sighed and cleared her throat, “Uhm, yes of course I’d love to go.” her voice sounded hesitant as she thought of how on earth she’d go to Vegas if her car was back at the office. “I’d need to go back to the office to get my car though…”

Matt clicked his tongue at her which made her blush, feeling silly. But what had been silly about her comment? How else was she going to go to Las Vegas? In a taxi? That would be worth at least half of her monthly income.

“You’re going with us on the tour bus.” the drummer replied, making her freeze.

“Are you sure?” she had to ask one more time, just to give him the opportunity to take back the offer but he didn’t.

“I am sure.” Matt said confidently, “Bre is coming with us on the bus as well.”

An oh escaped her lips, “Okay, well, erm… Yes, that’s fine by me then.”

Breana let out an excited squeal that made a grin break out on her face. And a minute later she was getting a bag with the camera she’d used at the arcade and a couple more things she could need throughout the day in Vegas.

With her hand clutched on the backpack carrying the filming devices and accessories, and with her other little backpack she’d brought over for the weekend, she walked up to the Monkeys tour bus.

The couple of the hour were there waiting for her and Breana leaped forward to hug her and link her arm with hers to walk into the vehicle. Matt said she could drop her things inside wherever she wanted and that they had enough bunks for everyone so Ella needn’t to worry about anything so she sighed a bit in relief.

The relief only lasted a few seconds since when Matt opened the door to the stairs of the bus, she realized she’d be spending the day with the band and in their environment. With Alex and in his environment. Fuck.

The nerves she had were overpowered by the loud cheering she heard when Breana and her stepped into the main lounge area of the bus. And when Matt opened one of the cupboards on top of the makeshift kitchen sink, grabbed a silver Patron tequila bottle and set it on the table in front of the band, she was weirdly excited and scared for what was going to happen on this trip.

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A/N: Vegas babyyyyy!!!!! I love me a Vegas fanfic moment so it was a blessing Evil Twin mv has Vegas clips in it. That's coming to you guys in a fortnight heheh. Any ideas of what will happen?? I hope these two weeks fly by because I'm hurting not posting the next part right now. Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you liked it and I love hearing any and all of your thoughts so please feel free to share them with me! Have a lovely weekend everyone, see you soon! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @red---moon @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31

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