#would love to talk about them if anyone wants to know anything about any of them too <3< /div>
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It's been seven months. They've seen each other on calls, but they keep up a mask of stiff professionalism if they have to talk at all.
But now Buck's sitting in a gay bar, looking for some fun the same way he does on every 48 off. His expectations are low. No one seems to want a real relationship, not that he's really trying for one, ad the sex is mediocre at best.
Because none of them are Tommy.
He's two drinks in when he hears a familiar laugh and turns. There's Tommy, sitting four stools down and talking to the bartender. Buck wonders how he missed him entering the bar, but it doesn't matter. What matters is Tommy is here, so close, and Buck...
Okay, he'd jumped the gun asking Tommy to move in. And everything he's said before that had been...not great. Thinking about it, it's no wonder Tommy had hit the brakes. Though he maybe could have asked to just take a break instead of ending it completely.
Though it would have gone the same way, probably.
Buck knocks back his last drink and stands. He's steady on his feet as he makes his way down the bar and plops himself into the empty seat next to Tommy
Tommy doesn't look shocked to see him. Not happy, either. Just kind of resigned. "Buck?"
"Don't," Buck says. "I don't want..." He grits his teeth to force back tears. "I think we need to talk."
"Why?" Tommy asks.
"Because I have things to say to you," Buck says. "And I'm not going to let you just walk out again."
He's said all those things, in texts that sat unanswered, voice messages that were probably deleted without being heard. This time, he wants to make sure Tommy hears.
"I don't have a lot of time tonight," Tommy says.
"Then I'll say it fast. You broke my heart, Tommy. You said you were my first but not my last...but you weren't my first. I've dated and broken up before, I know what relationships are. Just cause you're a dude doesn't mean it was any different. As to not being my last, well, I've had plenty in the last seven months and none of them are going to be my anything. I told you they can be the same thing, and I mean it. I don't want to be in love with anyone the way I'm in love with you."
"Evan..."
"And if you don't want me, fine, but just say that instead of giving me some bullshit about not wanting your heart broken. Because I can't break your heart, Tommy. Maybe it's been seven months, but I'm still in love with you, and I don't see that changing any time soon." Evan looks down for a moment. "So...I know I'm a lot. I know I said some dumb shit. And I know there's a lot I still don't know. But I do know I want you to come home with me, and you don't have to stay, but...I want to try again. Now that I know a little more."
Tommy's eyes are bright when Buck looks up. "I can't."
"What?"
"Evan, I can't come with you tonight. Or any night."
Buck's stomach sinks. "Is there someone else?"
"No," Tommy says. "No, just...I got a new job. In Seattle...they offered me a command. A chance to be captain...don't get much more brave and trailblazing than that, do you, being an openly gay fire captain." He swallows hard. "I'm leaving on Monday."
Buck stares. The world seems to be tilting, even though he hasn't had that much to drink. "Oh."
"I thought you would have heard," Tommy says. "It's been kind of big news around the department."
"Everyone's been extra delicate with me," Buck says. "They don't talk about you where they think I can hear." He forces a smile. "Congratulations...you deserve it."
"Yeah?" Tommy says.
"Yeah. I'm happy for you." Buck waves to the bartender. "Put his drinks on my tab."
"Evan..."
"Least I can do. Since...since it's really over."
Tommy nods, but he looks sad. "Yeah," he says. "I guess I can just...start again. And I guess you can, too."
"Yeah," Buck says. "I guess I can."
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It's a stupid idea, but Buck's full of those. He knows that it'll probably end in disaster, that he'll end up crawling back with his tail between his legs again.
But he has to try.
The airport looks just the same as it had when he dropped Abby off all those years ago. The same was it had been when he'd watched her walk out of his life, only to be seen again when it was unavoidable.
He's not doing that now.
Tommy is easy to spot, in spite of the crowd, standing in the check-in line. Buck thinks it must be kismet, that he's on time. There had been several flights to Seattle today, and he just took his best shot.
"Tommy!"
Tommy turns, and his brow furrows when he sees Buck. "Evan?"
Buck pushes his way through the crown, suitcase heavy in his hand, until he reaches Tommy's side. Tommy looks him over, then down at the bag. "Evan, what..."
"I know you said it's over," Buck says. "And that you don't want to try this again. And if you tell me to leave right now, I will. But I couldn't take the chance that I'd never see you again, even if you don't want to be in my life. And don't worry about work, Bobby transferred me to a different station than the one you're commanding, and I have a place to stay until I can find an apartment, and I'll get a new car since I gave the Jeep back to Maddie, but..."
"Evan," Tommy interrupts. "Did you just upend your life to follow me to Seattle?"
"Yes," Evan says. "If you'll let me."
Tommy stares for a minute before he pulls Buck into a kiss. And this time, Buck really knows it will be forever.
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if you have a good vibe/kind thought to spare and could send it my way. i'd really appreciate it.
#saying goodbye to my friend murphy tomorrow#i'll be okay. it's the right decision and i'll get through.#life is just going to be really hard and sad for a while#i don't want to talk about it in any detail but i feel like i have to say it out loud#and i have this paranoid anxiety thought that's like if I don't tell people he's gone they will ask about him#snd I won't be able to handle that for a little while#I don't need acknowledgment or sympathy. I don't need to talk to anyone. I don't need cheer-up fodder#so no need to send me anything or talk to me about it really i promise#just if you can take a second to love and appreciate the animals in your life. that would be really nice.#you don't have to tell me about it it would just be nice to feel there's love out there#writing this all out is making me feel so stupid. i've deleted and rewritten several times#but i gotta because it would be a lot worse if i was worrying about not talking about it#so yeah. no need for likes or comments or dms or asks or anything. just give someone some love for me ok?#murphy is the senior yellow lab you may have seen me post pics of sometimes. he's my parents' dog but he's my buddy.#and he's gotten me through a lot. like a lot a lot#and i'm going to miss the hell out of him#and i'm so worried about my parents. they're going to have a much worse time than me.#and they don't need anything else on their plates right now#it's just everything you know?#and all at the same time too. 2024 has been just one gut punch after the other#so yeah. if you could give your pet a hug or a treat or a scratch or take them on their favorite walk. that would be awesome#this was good actually typing all this nonsense out helped a little. still don't want to talk about it but at least i have ideas for#the 'leave me the fuck alone' email i'm going to send everyone tomorrow at work
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I feel like we’ve collectively moved on too fast from ‘Are you Sure’?!. Maybe we’re too overwhelmed?
Just wondered what your favourite part was? What shocked you? And what you would have changed ?
Jikookers have always had a tendency to move on from absolutely everything at tremedous speed which baffles me. There are still moments from years ago that still shock me to this day. I think it's because we've always been spoiled rotten by jikook 😂
I'm actually glad to get your ask.
A favorite part is soooo hard to choose, but I think what I liked the most was seeing their general happiness in Sapporo. They were SO happy and SO excited and played in the snow like children, it was quite beautiful to see. It's the trip that meant the most to them and it showed. But I also liked the chaos of Connecticut 😂
I was shocked many times. First with this:
THIS MOMENT.
I was gobsmacked. A slap in my face. Because this statement right there is irrevocably romantic. You can't spin it any other way. There is no blurred lines. There is no alternative. There is no other reason his heart is fluttering. Jungkook right there confessed to the world he is in love with Jimin. AND PEOLPLE DISMISS IT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED. I'm????? People really see what they want to see. There, he said it. He said Jimin simply holding his shirt is evoking romantic feelings in him. He is attracted to Jimin. And he said it in a very calm collected tone like this is another tuesday. Like this is a known, accepted, normal fact that would not surprise Jimin. He's just informing him. But this is not shocking news. IT TELLS EVERYTHING WE NEED TO KNOW.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk but moving on:
This whole segment was very shocking to me, not because they were particularly close (they are a couple so it's expected) but I was shocked to see they did this in front of a whole group of staff sitting in front of them who would be wondering what the f is happening. To show this level of closeness to a bunch of people you need to have such a high level of trust in each other and in the relationship. They are comfortable enough to show physical closeness and not be bothered one bit with anyone watching them which in itself is very disconcerting because that is not usually the case even in normal people long-term relationships, at least not to this level
The simple "This is see-through" phrase from Jungkook to a Jimin with a devilish smile ready to do mischief was very shocking to me. What was he about to do that deserved this warning? The only explanation would be that Jimin was about to get too close to him physically in the pool. But why would he do this as friends? Friends playing around would not have warranted such a warning. Because no one would have even thought about anything in particular.
But JK needed to warn him anyway. Only reason? If they are a couple and Jimin was about to get *CLOSE* like couples do in the pool. Which he was about to do looking at his devious smile. He was about to do something at least. Something that could not pass as friendship otherwise Jungkook would have said nothing. Much to think about.
He blurted it. Like it just came out so naturally. Jungkook has no chill whatsoever. This man is flirting blatantly in front of the entire world. While Tae was there. How could beautiful clouds even compare to Jimin. Jungkook only sees Jimin and he doesn't care for anyone to know about it. It's just what it is. Jimin or nothing. Everybody else can go home. Thank you Jungkook.
Of course one of the most shocking:
I already made a quick post about it but this was...this was....I have no words to this day. Can you believe we saw this? THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY. THE QUIETNESS OF THE MOMENT. THE KNOWING.
They knew. We knew. No one said a word. We were all intruding. I was frozen and holding my breath, my mouth wide open with shock and my heart was beating in my chest and I had to pause afterwards because this was jawdropping.
And I've seen many people that did not get it. But with everything we know about jikook thus far, everything they have been through, the growth, the ever expanding love, this moment was incredibly special and in a way quite emotional to witness.
This is their normalcy. Sharing a bed and intimacy and physical and emotional closeness.
AND THEY LET US SEE IT? CAN YOU BELIEVE? THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!
If you told me in 2018 we would witness this, I would not have believed you. This is beyond my wildest imagination. This is not even about the fucking butt-slap. It's the whole mood of the scene. It's the tenderness. I was on the floor.
I think this is the most shocking thing I've seen as a jikooker including MMA 2018.
This was shocking. Not the act itself. The shock was in the hesitancy of Jungkook. Of Jungkook allowing himself to share this tender moment with Jimin in a train full of people in Japan (of all places, where people don't show intimacy in public) but this moment was too important for Jungkook to pass it up and he almost didn't do it but then he thought fuck it and let himself go completely. What a beautiful and meaningful moment. How special and precious 💜😭
This was a really insane moment too. Jikook being tangled together god knows how in this car and Jungkook looking drunk on love showing off Jimin like a proud and posessive boyfriend. Just wow. I certainly didn't expect this but I can't say I'm not happy 🙊 They couldn't look more like a couple here
I'll finish with this picture that really shook me. Jimin's name on JK's chest. I don't know what else to say. If people wanted them to spell it out, well this is spelled out, literally. It's all here.
There were so many great moments and I feel we could talk about it for hours but I'm gonna wrap it up.
My last answer is probably gonna pin me as a hater but honestly I don't really care I know where I stand. What I would have changed to AYS would have been Tae not coming to Jeju. Look, I love Tae, I have no issues with Tae, and jikook were fine with it so this was fine, but I felt sometimes uncomfortable because I felt his presence was a bit misplaced, and you could feel it in jikook's behaviour too, so Jeju had a bit of an uneasy feeling to it. I think Tae didn't add anything more to the show. I would love to see more of Tae in any other setting, I love him in group settings in general, but I simply felt it was a bit of a wrong place wrong time situation. But I still enjoyed Jeju a lot it was just not my favorite.
Otherwise there would be nothing I would have changed to AYS. (Maybe Jimin not suffering this much? 😂)
Anyway thanks for your ask I had fun and take care anon 💜
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Sorry I feel the need to respond to the idea that vase scene is good actually because everyone is flawed in it. I feel like there is something missing in this analysis, and it's that much of the problem with the scene lies less in the scene itself but more in how the scene and the characters' actions within it are followed up by the text.
How the scene plays out in the text is that Winter knocks over the vase while lashing his tail in anger when Moon says Darkstalker is his friend. Winter says that he's evil, Moon responds angrily herself that Winter said he would give Darkstalker a chance, at which point she realizes and Winter confirms that Darkstalker had brainwashed him. Qibli makes the "I'd brainwash you too" comment, says sorry immediately, and then when Winter "turned to Moon as if he was ready for her apology," she turns her back on him and begins picking up pieces of the vase. She, looking to Qibli and Kinkajou but not Winter, insists that Darkstalker only wants what's best for everyone. At which point Winter angrily reveals the Icewing plague. In surprise, she says "What", accidentally steps on a vase shard, and gets a small cut. Qibli rushes to her aid, remarks in the narration that if Winter loved her he shouldn't be yelling at her like this, and then confirms the plague. Anemone comes in with skyfire, winter makes a snide comment about Moon not knowing where she feels about Darkstalker, to which Moon respond sharply that she feels lied to, and then they split up. I'd like to note that when Moon decides to confront Darkstalker, what she initially says to Winter is "Please don't break anything else," before asking Qibli to come with her.
There are three things I'd like to draw attention to:
Moon's injury is small and it's not quite as simple as "Winter injures Moon". She has an accident which compounds on a thing Winter did seemingly on accident.
Moon is not being passively absorbing Winter shouting and making snide comments. She's responding in anger herself, pointedly ignoring him (and how he was personally violated by Darkstalker), and before she leaves to confront Darkstalker, she tells him not to break anything else like he's a petulant child who will wreck the room in anger as soon as he's unsupervised.
Qibli's internal monologue only notes Winter's treatment of Moon as bad
I'll come back to point one, but the other two are not bad, on paper they are good even within a reading of this scene where it is drawing out the flaws in each character present. If these flaws were to be followed up on and the group were to reconcile, and if Moon and Winter were to talk out why each of them were hurt by the argument it would be compelling. The reasons Moon was hurt are obvious, Winter shouts at her and refuses to consider her perspective, that she's been manipulated and didn't know any of this. Winter's aren't so obvious, but still present. Upon being told that Darkstalker had profoundly violated his autonomy, Moon doubles down on Darkstalker just wanting the best for everyone, tacitly implying what Qibli had just been wrong to say outright: that it was on some level justified to do that to Winter. When she learns of the failed genocide, she's expresses being upset about being lied to, but not any of the ways Winter was directly harmed.
And then the books only acknowledge how Moon was hurt by the argument. In the epilogue, it's made clear that Moon and Winter haven't seen each other in person in some time. Kinkajou tells Winter that he should come visit Moon and apologize to her for being mean, and he agrees and says that he knew after that scene that he had ruined any chance with her. At no point after the argument ends does anyone acknowledge that Winter had legitimate reasons to be upset, that Moon had acted passive-aggressively, that reconciliation would involve all of them acknowledging that they hadn't been at their best in that moment. Only that Winter had been mean, so he should say sorry. Every direct perspective on the argument paints Winter, and only Winter, as wrong in his argument with Moon.
And when you consider the vase with this knowledge, it's just silly. It feels like a thing that is there to make Winter seem meaner, Moon more victimized, and Qibli like a nice supportive guy who would be better for her.
The scene becomes ridiculous when put in the context of the rest of the book, because half of the interesting substance from the character's flaws ends up not mattering. Moon and Kinkajou never have their actions in this scene come up again. Qibli's flaws are instantly addressed so he can resolve them onscreen and complete his arc. Winter spends the rest of the book in the doghouse for it and his actions are used as justification for why he isn't right for Moon. In the context of the book, this scene exists to forward Qibli's arc and justify Moon choosing him, and it does both at Winter's expense. It doesn't matter if everyone's flaws are on display when the book is picking sides, and deciding who gets to gets to grow from this argument, who doesn't, and who doesn't need to.
People like to complain about the scene in the NightWing palace in Darkness of Dragons, but I think it's brilliant how the scene manages to bring out all four characters' (Moon, Winter, Qibli and Kinkajou) biggest flaws, and watch them play off one another.
I think it's pretty safe to say that Winter's biggest flaw is that he's hot-tempered--if you get him mad, he gets very confrontational, and that's what happens here. He gets very rightfully angry that Moon and the others are defending the dragon who took his autonomy and is trying to commit a genocide against his people, and he flies into a rage, eventually knocking over the vase and injuring Moon. I'm not tone-policing Winter here--he had every right to be furious, however in his anger, he hurt his friend. However, he's not the only person whose primary flaws are being brought to the surface here.
Since the very beginning, naivete has been among Moon's flaws, along with a desire to believe the best in people. This is compounded by her mind-reading abilities, as she has the expectation that she understands people. There's a telling moment in MR where Qibli asks her if she loses her faith in dragons since she can see their motivations and thoughts, and she tells him that she actually believes better of other dragons because she reads their thoughts. She's settled into a complacency in her belief that a) dragons are all good at heart and b) she's so used to seeing everything, that she doesn't really compute that people can be hiding things from her or that she doesn't have a full picture. You have to remember that as much as Winter was justified in his anger, Moon didn't know what was going on, because Darkstalker was deliberately hiding what he was doing from her so that she still believed in him. She's reeling from the knowledge that Darkstalker lied to her, broke promises and is trying to do horrible, horrible things, and to her credit, she comes around to understanding Darkstalker's villainy, she just manages to hit Winter's triggers as she does so.
And that brings us to Qibli and Kinkajou, who sided with Moon over Winter. Since the beginning, it's fair to say that Kinkajou has been established as very loyal and also not exactly known for her critical thinking skills, and back in MR, she tells Winter that although he's very handsome, if he hurts Moon, she'll take Moon's part. And Kinkajou does, because Moon's her friend and Winter's angry and she isn't thinking about what she's doing.
Now, it's no secret what Qibli's biggest character flaw--say it with me now--having to be the hero and be universally liked. Now by this point in DoD, Qibli is quite smitten with Moon (something he's competing with Winter over) and she's become the apex of his 'desire to be liked and perceived as A Hero'. So, it's his instinct that when Winter--Qibli's romantic rival--is getting angry and confrontational with Moon, is to side with her against Winter, so that he'll come off as the nice guy, and the hero (and this is coming from someone who is a Qibli fan who ships Moonbli, so I'm not trying to hate on your fave).
I think it's just really interesting to analyse how all of their individual character flaws came together and clashed, creating the conflict.
.
#winter wof#wings of fire#moon wof#qibli wof#sorry this set my brain off#deciding to scroll the winter tag and like 2 of the first five posts talk about winter and the vase scene#and so much of the discourse is tiring and i wanted to just shout into the void
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I love kanade I really really do, bjt Arei just wins out for me. So how about Arei from Despair time alphabet with J, L, V, Y
J,L,V and Y fluff alphabet prompts with arei nageishi and kanade otonokoji
A/n:I'll do you one better. Why choose when you can have both (yes, this is allowed. It's still 4 letters even with 2 characters)
Arei nageishi
🎳J=jealousy (how jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)
Arei gets jealous pretty easily. While she may appear to have a big ego, she knows better than anyone how her personality is, and she's very afraid that you'll get tired of it and leave her so when she sees a girl flirting with you she'll immediately start yelling at her and calling her every insult possible while telling her you're taken. She'll also start making out with you in front of her just to rub salt in the wound
🎳L=love confession(how did they confess to you?)
She invited you bowling and was planning to confess while comforting you for your loss, but she ended up getting distracted by you and her emotions and losing, so you comforted her instead and she blurted out that she loved you, she was very embarrassed at first but very surprised and happy when you accepted her confession
🎳V=value (How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)
Your relationship and you in general mean so much to her, specifically the fact that you could see through and endure her personality, you and eden are the only people who see her for what she actually is:a person genuinely trying her best to make friends and change at least a little bit. She knows she probably will never be a good person, but she doesn't really care as long as you're with her
🎳Y=yes (how do they react to you proposing to them?)
"So, did you bring me here just to get destroyed at bowling? Hehe, sorry, but seriously, why did you play with me? You usually just watch me play"
"Well today is special"
"Really? How so?"
Arei watched as you got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and started your speech. Part of her genuinely couldn't believe this was happening. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming, and before she knew it, she started crying.
She carefully listened to everything you told her and had the biggest smile you had ever seen on her face while still crying when you asked her the question
"Are you fucking serious? Of course I will, yes, yes,yes, do you need me to say it again? cause I will, yes I would love to marry you"
Kanade otonokoji
🎸J=jealousy (how jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)
Kanade is very much the jealous type just seeing you talking with another girl causes her to get violent thoughts, and if that girl starts flirting with you, you might as well say your goodbyes because that is the last conversation you're gonna have with her, she obviously trusts you and knows you're never gonna leave her but it's better to send a message to any possible competition.
🎸L=love confession(how did they confess to you?)
She wanted to go all out to show you just how much she loved you, so she asked hibiki to make a special song for you and make her sing it this time, she was very surprised by her sister's actually pretty good performance but didn't think too much about it. She made a private concert for you and after she finished singing she went over and told you that everything she had said in the song was for you. She then kissed and hugged you when you said you liked her too. She may have seemed blushy and nervous on the outside, but on the inside, she couldn't be happier that you said yes as that made things much easier for both of you
🎸V=value (How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)
When kanade fell in love with you, any obsession she might have felt towards her sister was replaced by you. She couldn't think of anything but you. All her dreams were filled with her and you living a happy life together. She loved you so so so so much, and thankfully, you feel the same . She doesn't even have to break you to be with you. She would gladly kill everyone in the world, including her sister, to be with you or if you simply ask her to. So safe to say you mean a lot to her
🎸Y=yes (how do they react to you proposing to them?)
"The scenery is beautiful, darling, but why did you bring me here?"
Despite what her question might lead you to believe, she knew exactly why you were there, the recent searching for rings online and measuring of hibiki's finger (you didn't want her to know and they have the same fingers) made it obvious, it was a bit disappointing if she had to be honest, she wanted to be the one to propose, to make a perfect discourse on how much she truly loved you (as if she didn't do that every day) but she could never complain, it was an even greater sign that you wanted to be with her
"To do this"
You got on one knee and pulled the box out, kanade tried her best to look surprised, but the pure ecstasy that was filling her mind was too much to contain, she started drooling a bit and hearts replaced her pupils, her true self coming out for a bit, but she shrugged it off in time to answer your questions without you noticing
"O-of course my darling, I would love nothing more than to marry you, I want to live the rest of my life with you, I will love you forever and ever, that's a promise"
#danganronpa despair time x reader#danganronpa despair time#x reader#drdt x reader#drdt#arei nageishi x reader#arei nageishi#drdt arei#arei drdt#super danganronpa another 2 x reader#super danganronpa another 2#sdra2 x reader#sdra2#kanade otonokoji x reader#kanade otonokoji#gn reader#fluff alphabet#yandere#fluff prompts#fluff#yandere fluff#yandere x reader
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Ophelia's Son: Addams Visiting
Author's note: I'm not going to let Cleopatra actually visit Hawkins. I'm pretty sure the Party would immediately kill her. Also I do have more ideas to play with in this world so I'm not saying it's over forever, just for now.
Summary: A storm is forecast for Hawkins so what better time for the Addams Family to come and visit
Continuing on from Ophelia's Son Smoking What Will Grow and Abigail
/\
There was a storm due. Steve had been debating since hearing about it whether he should invite everyone over for a sleepover or just prepare to drive through the storm fetching anyone who got upset. Robin and Eddie had already invited themselves over and had been laughing together about his worrying.
The knock at the door stopped the laughter and had them all glancing to the closet he’d stored the nail bat in. Steve chuckled at the realisation they’d all done it and went to answer the door without grabbing it.
“Hello, um, Aunt Morticia and everyone. Come in. I didn’t know you were visiting.” Steve blinked at the half dozen people stood on his doorstep, including the giant carrying all the suitcases.
“Good lad, Steve. We saw the weather forecast and simply had to come.” Gomez greeted, shaking his hand rapidly before he’d held it out. “Lurch will bring everything in but you’ve got some wonderfully ominous woods Wednesday was begging to explore on the drive through. Hope you don’t mind us arriving then going out for a walk immediately.”
“In a storm?” Eddie asked, sceptically.
Morticia beamed at him, “Of course. What better weather. And the moon is full too which is wonderful for the skin when it spears through.”
“We’ll prepare rooms for you all while you explore then.” Steve agreed easily, letting Lurch past.
He would definitely need more blankets if the party needed comfort through the storm now, but extra company wasn’t a bad thing at all.
/\
Morticia had been close to frowning as she took in the Harrington house, but forced a smile for Steve, saying, “Oh it’s got a Je ne sais quoi about it, charmingly but far too bland.”
“Tish! That’s French!” Gomez stumbled out of his chair ceasing her arm to start ravishing it.
After a moment of watching this Steve looked away a little awkwardly, “Um, I’ve set up spare rooms for you. Yours is top of the stairs, second to the right. If you want privacy or, you know.”
“Much obliged,” Gomez agreed, now carrying Morticia up the stairs, kissing the back of her neck when he could. “We’ll talk later.”
“Steve, remind me never to speak anything other than English around any and all Addams’s from now on.” Robin asked after they’d heard the door shut. Granmama’s insistence that they’re in love over some Russian made a lot more sense if that was Gomez’s reaction to French. She did not want to test if it applied to other people speaking foreign languages or not.
Steve glanced at her, smirking, “I might be suffocating you if you do. Just to avoid whatever love dust is.” He snickered to hear Eddie’s yelp as he’d been finishing off the rooms somehow.
“Glad we agree.” She nodded briskly, “Now how are we going to make the kids witness that so they’ll stop trying to set us up?”
“I’ve got some French cook books I think,” He said after a moment, deciding to ignore the possibility of it occurring that night or just because of the kids nosiness about his relatives now, "Could do a family dinner.”
“Perfect.”
In the reactions of his Aunt and Uncle Steve had momentarily forgotten that there were also two kids staying with him. Granted they’d both quickly gone to entertain themselves and each other but he was usually more alert over anyone younger given his kids likelihood to get into deadly situations.
He was reminded of them by Pugsley coming through frowning. “Cousin Steve, you don’t have any tunnels yet.”
“No Pugsley, I’ve not found any.” He answered mostly hoping he wasn’t about to be told about Upside Down tunnels again. Having it happen once with Dustin was beyond enough/
“We’ll start making them now.” Wednesday offered, climbing out of the closet, cuddling a headless doll and his nail-bat. “Any pipes to avoid?”
Steve reached to take the nail-bat back, sighing, “Try the office for house plans cause I don’t know.”
“Thank you.” Robin shared a glance at him as the kids ran off. Neither had to speak to know they were both wondering if kids really were just looking for ways to die all the time and how neither of them had done that.
/\
The storm passed without any of the Party asking for comfort beyond radio confirmation everyone was okay and Steve now wished it was still going.
Gomez had declared after breakfast that it was time he got Steve acquainted with Zen Yogi and flipped into a headstand.
“That will hurt my flowers. Are there any other poses?” Steve asked, hand going to his hair and the sunflowers that he’d kept growing through the few experiments they’d done since the first one.
“Well, yes, but this is the most important one to master.” Gomez genially explained, somewhere he’d gotten a newspaper to read and had pulled a cigar out of his pocket, already lit somehow. “At least try it once. It’s wonderful for inner strength building.”
Eddie laughed, “Steve does need to work on his core muscles.”
“Nope, no more jokes like that.” Steve knelt, eyes narrowed as he worried over the flowers he was increasingly fond of. “If it damages my flowers, I’m stopping.”
He had done a few headstands before but not often so took a moment to get stable, during which Morticia clapped her hands together with a joyful noise, “Wonderful and if I may say, I’m thrilled to see such variety of plants growing. Ophelia always stayed so limited with daisies when there are much more delightful plants.”
Her warm tone had something in Steve relaxing, a worry they’d dislike or judge him over the flowers dissolving. “It’s become an experiment for the kids, testing what will grow. I’m pretty sure Dustin has theories over what should grow well in brains as well as what soil type my head it.”
“Gardeners?” Morticia sounded pleasantly surprised about the experiments. “Oh I wish I’d known. I’d have brought Cleopatra with us. She is a dear vine.”
“Maybe if you visit again you could bring her.” Steve decided not to question a plant being spoken about like a person. After all some of the ones growing on his head definitely felt like that to him now.
He came out of the headstand when the conversation seemed to have ended, immediately checking the hallway mirror to see if the plants and flowers were okay. Seeing they were he relaxed and moved to curl up between Robin and Eddie for the rest of the afternoon.
#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#steddie#platonic stobin#1960s addams family#morticia addams#gomez addams#pugsley addams#wednesday addams
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Hiii I loved it duff platonic but would you do one that romantic??
Summary: The Outsiders with a "Duff"!Reader (romantic)
Warnings: mentions of bullying
Author's Note: I believe that I have never met anyone that was actually ugly, everyone is beautiful, because beauty is subjective.
PONYBOY was more of a personality man than looks one. He knows you aren't 'conventionally' attractive, but you have these quirks that made him swoon, and your joyful smile was enough to have him tripping over his feet. He loves how your personality is so enchanting, and it reminds everyone that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He never has to stick up for you because people are usually so charmed by you that Ponyboy stays out of it. He's so happy with you. He finally found someone who could read, take walks with him, and be domestic with.
JOHNNY seriously thinks that you're a gorgeous girl. He's always there to cheer you up when you're feeling insecure or even when you're not. He holds you as if you were a pretty piece of fine China and makes you feel so special. There's not an outfit you feel ugly in when you're around him! You two are such a power couple too because his love language is words of affirmation, and you blush every time he compliments you, and everyone thinks it's so cute.
SODAPOP doesn't think he's seen a prettier girl than you. He actually brings you in every once and a while to the DX because you attract customers. They love chatting with you, and you exude such a lovely aura. He does have to teeter on the edge of physical confrontation to the drunk guys that come around the shop to piss you off, but they get scared off easy. He loved you a lot, and he realized how little beauty means in the end. Sandy was pretty but terrible to him, but you made your beauty known through so many different ways that he was utterly entranced.
STEVE couldn't believe he bagged you. So what if you didn't "fit" into the norm? He thought you did. He looked at you as if you were a direct descendent of Aphrodite. He keeps pictures of you everywhere and shows them off to everyone. He gets aggressive with people who try and make fun of you, and he usually wins if they pursue a fight. His family loves you and can't wait until you're a permanent fixture to their holiday dinners.
TWO BIT also thinks of himself as a duff. He thinks you are genuinely a very pretty girl, and he feels sorry for every man who's missing out on your charming personality. His sister loves you, and treats you as if you were already her sister. Abd he talks about you any chance he gets, gushing over your amazing personality and cuteness.
DARRY doesn't give two shits about what others think about you and about how you look. He still wants his kids to look like you, and he's literally counting town the days he can propose to you. He doesn't get physical over you, but protective. He prefers his hand on the small of you back or your waist at all time.
DALLAS tries to act like he's doesn't like you a lot but he does. He doesn't ever ask you out or anything near it for the first year and a half of knowing each other. Then he would take you places and count it as a date unbeknownst to you. Hes worried how you two would affect each other. But he's waiting for the perfect time to ask you out.
#shroomsroom#clara'sroom#the outsiders x reader#dallas winston x reader#dally winston x reader#steve randle x reader#johnny cade x reader#sodapop curtis x reader#darrel curtis x reader#darry curtis x reader#ponyboy x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#pony curtis x reader#two bit matthews x reader#two bit x reader#two bit mathews x reader#soda curtis x reader#sodapop x reader
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Just a small heads up, if you include shipping you may wanna make it clear that there are ships and what ships are there. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with shipping, especially since I’ve seen people say Joel thinks it’s a bit weird to be shipped with anyone other than Lizzie (needs to be fact checked, this is just what I’m seeing in boat boys comment sections). Maybe consider making the ship stuff a separate section or just telling people in advance (pinned post, bio, anywhere clear works) that it includes shipping so those who don’t like it can walk away.
important info about the zine plz read even if you didn’t send the ask:
thank you for the heads up! We’re about to get super rambly and vaguely off topic but we promise all your points get addressed. This is actually a great opportunity to clarify, because I realized I didn’t explain myself particularly clearly, if some one does choose to include shipping, its all going to have to be subtext (as always except for shadowbeans whose alternate ship name I still refuse to use), but that is for non-canon ships. Regardless of how people feel about it, c!Joel and c!Jimmy did in fact kiss in Real Life smp, and c!Joel and c!Sausage did in fact have a child together in esmp2, so we’re not gonna rewrite events. Basically when I say shipping in the context of this zine I mean taking relationships the c!Joel had with other people and creating moments that didn’t necessarily happen but feel plausible for the characters that are able to be interpreted as romantic as well as platonic. Also, everyone’s definition of ship art is different, so the level that I was thinking is pretty mild (and btw I’d like to interject here that this is not me dissing on shipping or ship art love shipping so much that I found a ship called the relation and I never left it, but I also know that people have all sorts of comfort levels with different things so this zine is going to be dry docked but I assure you that out there on my super secret personal blog we are very much lost at sea). Like, to give some examples of what would be okay versus not okay for the zine: kissing is pretty much off limits, honestly mostly because that’s a pretty boring zine piece, there’s nothing going on except the ship, but anything where any sort of romance is up to the interpretation, such as hugging, handholding, spending time with, these are all normal things, but also this can’t be the focus of the piece. Please no one just draw like Joel and someone hugging and call it a day. Implied shipping is allowed to feature in your piece, not be the main focus of it. That’s just not an interesting zine piece. Valid art/writing, still amazing stuff keep sharing it on the internet it’s very interesting, just not in the context of this zine. Anyway, you are correct about not everyone being comfortable with that stuff, so if any piece comes off as really shippy without violating the guidelines we’ll make sure to label it correctly, but also, I should make it clear, I’m really hoping that shipping doesn’t become the focus of this zine. It is a Joel zine, so Joel should remain the focus, and any shipping would be subtextual and not central to the zine. There are many great Joel ships out there with lovely content to consume, but that’s not really the focus of this zine. Also, that aside, if Joel doesn’t want his character (because we are talking about shipping cs here. Cc!Joel is a lovely person, but this zine is going to be in-character. Also while cc!Joel should absolutely be respected in what sort of fan content he wants people making about him, his character is, well, just that: a character. Its like saying you can’t ship two characters from an animated tv show because their irl voice actors aren’t comfortable being shipped. It’s just two different things) shipped with characters who don’t belong to his wife, he should probably stop making his c! kiss all those men. And have children with them. And send them love hearts in the mail. And call them babe. If he did it in canon it’s probably safe to say we’re good having them do it in fan content. But again shipping should be an extremely small part of the zine if it’s there at all and should be subtextual enough that even people who don’t ship can still positively engage with the zine!!! If it needs a warning, it’s probably too shippy.
also all this aside if I’m handling this wrong guys I’m sorry I’m only one person and it’s really stressful trying to please everybody I promise I’m trying my best but I just wanna get together with a bunch of other people who share this strange fascination with the bean man and make art and writing about it I don’t wanna get canceled or something I promise I’m trying my best. I’m really struggling to balance my love of creating shipping fan content and realizing that not everyone is comfortable with that and it’s really difficult and stressful I just can’t we all just draw and write what makes us happy I just want this to be a fun experience and being yelled at on the internet for drawing two characters who’s ccs aren’t in an irl relationship being something other than friends is not my definition of a good time. I’m not accusing you anon of doing anything like that the ask was very respectful but I’m worried this post will prompt less polite people to come and yell at me.
-mod Dinn
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okay i don't want to be THAT bitch but if El calls out Mike on his bullshit in s5 how the love confession was shit and untrue i do kinda want Mike to turn around and be like "okay well what do you love me for?" because let's be real girl would not have an answer for that 💀
and maybe it would be good to be the last thing that would make her go oh i've never loved him that way either
like yes she totally should throw everything in Mike's face cause she deserves so much better but let's not pretend like she's a good girlfriend to him and it's just Mike being the problem
this fucker has been depressed and struggling for months and like did she ever even ask how is he doing? not her fault but the fact that Mike has been struggling and never once thought about talking to El because he doesn't feel like he can be vulnerable with her? the fact that he pretends he's someone he's not because he feels like she wouldn't want him for who he is? seriously no hate to El i love her to bits and yes Mike is bigger asshole in this but we really need to stop acting like El is perfect and can do no wrong
and that one time in s4 when Mike actually tried to be vulnerable with her and let her know that he understands because he's been bullied his whole life and she just invalidates his feelings and completely dismisses him? i do understand her pov and what she meant but as someone who's also been bullied and have so many people invalidate my feelings and how it affected me and still affects me to this day all the time it really hurt to hear it. the way Mike's feelings are constantly being invalidated and dismissed by both the characters in the show and this fandom just because "others have it worse" really disgusts me
anyways i really just want to point out that this is a relationship. there are two people in this relationship and it all goes both ways. it's not just Mike being an asshole friend and a shitty boyfriend. El isn't really a great girlfriend either and when they were just hanging out together the whole summer it is on El too. they're both just kids trying to do their best and making mistakes we can acknowledge that both of them make some really questionable things so they both can grow and learn
#also isn't it ridiculous that every time we say anything like this about El we need to clarify how nothing is her fault#and she isn't in the wrong at all? like if we can call out Mike or Nancy or anyone else on their bullshit#without acting like they never did anything wrong we should be able to do that with El too#El is a flawed character as well it doesn't mean that we hate her she's trying her best just like everyone else and that's why we love her#but this fandom truly makes her into this perfect angel that can never do anything even remotely wrong and it's annoying#no one in that show is perfect and we need to talk about it more how human they all are#characters don't need to be perfect in order to be loved just like people don't need to be perfect in order to be loved#let us have flawed characters and let us talk about it#their mistakes are part of who they are and their journey let them make them and let them learn from them#and that applies to El too not just Mike thank you for coming to my ted talk#mike wheeler#byler#anti milkvan#not tagging el cause her fans would burn me alive#blue's 'Mike's extreme defender' ramblings#<- finally made a tag for my mike ramblings so if any of yall don't want to see it just block it i know i am annoying hah
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.
#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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Hi, Coal! This is anonymous from the Whumpuary question
There's no need to respond to this, lol-
I really just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to respond to my previous question :))
(I enjoyed reading the dragged out version of your response, lol- better for my brain to process and take in for sum reason)
I'm good with whatever decision you make. I was honestly just curious because I do enjoy your stories and writing style, so there's that-
(#love Noah)
And, I get where you're coming from with writing series and all, so like- yeah
Regardless of your decision, as long as you don't stress yourself out about it, I'll be fine with whatever
So, uh, yeah- thanks for responding and– take care :)
I am so bad with responses but I wanted to say something just to lyk that I appreciate that you read the long response and then also took the time to reply. That sounds so stiff and insincere written out like this, but I promise it’s not lmao
You as well! Happy new year!
(#love hurting noah)
#that should be Noah’s new tag#no more ‘tag for Noah’ bs#love hurting noah#I want so much more in Noah’s series and I know how to get it there but#there’s things that I want to write but I can’t because I would need to write something else first#like there’s a few new characters that have been in my head for a while but y’all don’t know them#so I can’t just throw them into the drabbles that I want them to be in#and I don’t want to write the piece where they’re introduced bc I haven’t fully decided how whumpy of a context it will be#urghhhh I can talk about Noah and his story for hours#so please if you read this (not just you anon- anyone) and you have anything you want to ask or request or anything regarding surveillance#PLEASE#I would love any interaction about him#ideas for scenes or characters or anything#I know what I want to do with the series (prolly never going to finish it lmao) but I want to see what others think#if you’ve read this much so far then thank you. I’m gonna spoil some shit now bc I want to talk about it lmao#if you’ve read this far I’m gonna assume you don’t mind hearing about it#we’re going to get to see a demonstration soon#like actually see in all it’s brutality#not just Noah thinking back on one#and my boy haha he’s going to get *traumatized*#more than he already is#yk someone needs to clean up all of that blood and gore afterwards#someone needs to bring the spectators drinks and those fancy little snacks they serve during cocktail hour#someone needs to be shown off by declan as a trophy of his power like “look haha i broke this spy and now he works for me”#someone needs to wear a shock collar ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#lmao not all of Noah’s Christmas presents are gonna be good#I mean he has to be kept in line somehow when he’s with other people#dw though he’s not the only one
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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Blog Info
***this is a pregnancy & birth fetish blog - if you are under the age of 18 do not interact***
Requests: Closed Prompt Suggestions: Open General Questions: Open (feel free to ask me or my OCs anything)
Ko-fi: feralkat25
About Me
You can call me Feral (...have legit been loving it since I was addressed that way in an ask) or Kat - either is fine. I use all pronouns but primarily prefer they/it ones. I'm in a very loving closed poly triad with two transmascs.
Things I Will NOT Write
Infant death, extreme g0re, torture, r@pe, ince$t, bea$tiality, v0re, emet0philia, sc@t, cis men being pregnant, hyperpregnancy (more than 4 babies at once is generally a no-go for me)
Completed Fics
Erotic public birth on a train (Omegaverse, transmasc pregnancy)
Thigh-grinding during an orgasmic homebirth (fpreg)
Unexpected car birth on Thanksgiving (transmasc pregnancy)
A human finding out she's pregnant with her vampire partner's baby
Erotic public birth on a bus - part one (nonbinary pregnancy)
The Rule of Three (transmasc rapid pregnancy w triplets & an orgasmic birth) - tumblr - AO3
Fics in Progress
Transmasc I didn't know I was pregnant-style public birth
Soft orgasmic homebirth feat. a nonbinary witch
Trans midwife that didn't know he was pregnant until he's in labor
Runaway Omega prince that goes into labor with no way to contact anyone for help
Vampire having to deal with feeling more human again while pregnant with his human boyfriend's baby
An elf having a very long, but also very peaceful and calm birth
A freshly turned werewolf assuming the nausea, cravings, weight gain etc. are part of the process but is actually pregnant with his first litter
A couple hiring a surrogate but then they all end up falling in love with each other and start a poly relationship
OCs (the breedable ones, at least)
Atlas (they/them, human)
Faith (she/her, bird hybrid)
Lark (she/her, catgirl)
Chase (he/him, Omega)
Adriel (he/him, human)
Reign (he/they, elf)
Gemini (she/her, naga)
Scout (he/they, Omega)
Dakota (he/him, werewolf)
Vale (he/they/it, vampire)
Shiloh (she/they, human)
Kimber (she/they, werewolf)
Casey (he/they, human)
#general info#felt like a good place to have a list of OC's also#would love to talk about them if anyone wants to know anything about any of them too <3
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unrelated to that lmfao
i love being not (insert religions based on the kings and their people as ''demons'') but being adjacent to the communities while knowing the kings on a personal level because oh boy
#like i wont get into the Chrxstian God And The Kings' ''Fall'' rumour i did the other day but things like that and like#posts being like ''oh they love everyone all of us each of us'' and talking about The Lore of down there thats like. so clearly#twisted to be pro-(kings) propaganda and im like oh my god. if you worship them BECAUSE of these details you think are right then#im so fucking sorry they are way more complex and grey-moral than this#- i have to be clear. i do not know anything anyone says is false if its their worldview. Im not sitting here laughing because i think othe#s are Dumbdumb and cant get across the kings as Flawlessly as me uwu or some shit im explicitly talking about people saying#definitively that the chrxstian god did xyz thing and the kings are poor little meow meows and love everyone while also saying they#dont love everyone bc they vehemently disagree with chrxstians and stuff like. ''('demons') are actually the Pure sacred race theyre all#old gods theyre all pro-human and would never hurt a practitioner'' that type of stuff im like. ahhhhhhhh. so youve heard the propaganda#bc lets be real here i do NOT doubt any of these people's abilities its not my place so i dont even do it quietly to myself. very rarely#yes but like 1% of the time and its only when a bunch of red flags pop up but like. there are so many people on the kings' plane that#are telling humans these things bc......... well look at the goetic demons. royalty and people in power. who do people mainly go#to for demonolatry? The people in their society we understand to be kings. princes. dukes and duchesses. are they all these things? no#like Duke Vepar isnt a Duke lmfao i know her personally like she'll present like that but. imagine if that race wanted to talk to people of#our plane but only spoke to the english king/queen and dukes and duchesses and marquis and war generals and stuff to ask about#their civilisations. do you think that theyd get an unbiased view of the monarchy and the english religion and whatnot........#edit: so like we're really clear. its like seeing people brainwashed by fucked up politics bc. it is that.#sometimes you just have to laugh bc like god youre in deep and im so sorry#insert my ex (a spirit) lying to me and convincing me he was a video game character for five years like what else can you do but laugh#ramblings //
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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hm
#dunno what caused this but ive just been getting really scared and stupidly worried lately#sometimes i think about how i could lose someone at any moment and i might not even know#just stuck there waiting for some kind of answer for someone who wont and cant come back#and it really. terrifies me#my friends are everyhing to me and i just want them all to be okay always#and especially my best friend. if anything were to happen to him i really dont know what i'd do#i tell him and everyone else how much i love them all the time every time i can because what if they were to disappear and leave one day#and we didnt really leave off on a good note#not like i think that might happen anytime soon but just. what if#i love my friends. so much. i cant even put into words how much they mean to me and how theyve helped me get through this hell ive been#going through these past couple of years or so#maybe im annoying and talkative and sensitive and stuff. but the fact thwy still somehow like me the same is really#dunno man in elementary & middle school i lived shamelessly and yet im sure that for every friend i had there was like 5 kids who hated me#and towards high school i essentially was constantly on edge making sure i dont cause trouble for anyone because hey why should i bother#when none of them would really see me for me. just that quiet kid who draws in the corner and doesnt particularly fit in#the novelty of having a new kid transfer in lasted for like a month tops that time when everyone realized i was actually boring as hell#not into celebrities dont listen to mainstream music not interested in guy talk etc etc#i did meet a couple kids with similar interests at some point but im sure they were more casual fans and not absolutely obsessed as i am#and i feel like my sudden energy when talking about it and running my mouth w that topic kinda put them off#so i just. keep everything to myself#so really finding people who actually do like me and enjoy my rambles and i can hwar then ramble in return#and play games or talk abt our silly blorbos with is just. damn this is way more than i deserve isnt it#and i really feel like that could all just. fall apart at some point#and thats the last thing i want#but honestly#i dont mind if they grew to hate me. ill still love them nonetheless. just please dont leave me behind i cant go through that again#might delete this later im just kind of. yeah#sorry to anyone who reads this im kind of going through it
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