#would have posted this earlier but I’ve been busy with work Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

I love when people talk about my ocs with me <3333

[seventhemaverick]

Astro Observations 🌱

Disclaimer: This is my first Astrology post! I tried to do this earlier this year but tumblr lagged and it deleted all of my hard work lol. But now I’ve gained the courage to give it another go! I’m not a professional astrologer. I just study it in depth when I have time. Still very much a beginner. Please be kind and if I’m misinformed let me know! If you want to repost my work please credit me. This also has personal opinions in here don’t take it too seriously babes!

🌾 I don’t typically think Leo’s and Scorpios go together romantically BUT any other relationship outside of that exudes power team. For ex: Kylie and Kris Jenner. Scorpios are known to love power and Leo’s love the spotlight! Kylie was bound to be a favorite after her « ugly duckling » phase. Kylie rolls in the dough and Kris keeps that empire going. I’ve seen many Scorpio parents with Leo kids and they really seem to love them the most lol

Let’s talk about underdeveloped placements real quick!

🌿 Having a parent that is toxic or underdeveloped and has placements that fall into your second house can obliterate your self worth. ESPECIALLY if you have planets in that house and their placements are exactly conjunct 0° or 1-3°.

🌾 If your mars sign is exactly square one of your parents mars or 1-5° orb… 🌚 take the steps to move out if you haven’t already it’s for the best.

🌿 Capricorn moons I wish I could hug all of you. You had to grow up so fast and got handed some of the worst cards. But nevertheless resilience is your middle name. As you age things will get easier if you stand on business! Integrity is key.

🌾 I know libras are known to be superficial or whatever and I’m kinda one of them lol. I literally live off of aesthetics and I typically have nice skin but when I have a massive break out? I literally want to hide until they’re gone. My stress is next level when I don’t look my best.. I’m also a Leo Venus 😅 in the tenth house at that and have cancelled plans when I look and feel shitty.

🌿 All of the air signs almost always value intellectual stimulation first from their partner. Someone they can have great rapport, banter with. Someone that’s witty and knows a wide variety of subjects or has many interests is very hot. Sagittarius is the air sign of the fire signs so I’ll loop them in on this too.

If we lost any zodiac element, it would bring chaos to the entire world.

🌾 Air brings logic and reasoning, water brings compassion and empathy, earth brings grounding and patience, fire brings passion and vitality. Life is about interconnectedness.

🌿 I remember reading a blog that the gods put the constellation of Libra in between Virgo and Scorpio because they were too much alike and it’s so true lol. Both signs can be so compulsive and it’s overwhelming from what I’ve heard from Virgo and Scorpio placements. I can also see this easy going equivalence being the case for Sagittarius being in between Scorpio and Capricorn. The benefics happy go luckies in between the malefics drained and over it.

🌾… moon 3rd house overlay is addictive especially combined with 7th/8th/12th overlays in that synastry. I don’t think I can ever do that again unless we both have it overlaying each others charts. Someone’s moon in your 3rd house, their mind fascinates you and it’s easy to communicate with them you feel seen and heard. You dream about them, you think about them all the freaking time. It is the most annoying thing because why are you taking up my brain space like that bro? I had this with someone and I still think about them it’s been over for quite some time now. Another person that’s in love with me, my moon falls into their 3rd house and they tell me how much they think about me and day dream about me. I had said issue of daydreaming with the other guy. 2/10 would not recommend unless moon person is developed.

🌿 When the moon transits your first house you’re more likely to be more emotional and make drastic changes to your physical features! When Doja Cat shaved her head the moon was transiting her first house and I literally did mine the next day when it was transiting my first house.

🌾 Opinion but I love Pisces placements they are so helpful and loving when developed. I think the underdeveloped ones are too but they expect something out of it where the developed ones are just really selfless. I’m a Pisces Stan! I have so many in my life lol I have no Pisces placements. My 5H is in Pisces lol

🌿 Degree theory is that gworl. It helps you relate to the planet and it’s placement more depending on what the degree rules. For example I was dating a Sagittarius Venus in the 9th house at the 9° and he embodied that free spirited nature of Sag Venus fr. Another example, you can be a Pisces Venus but it’s in your first house at the first degree and the way you love embodies a more aries way of loving. Fiery, passionate a bit aggressive but very deep and tender to the core.

🌾 I’ve also heard the theory of when you reach the age of certain degrees of the placements you have you unlock that placements characteristics. Something significant happens to you during that age or you might master that placement regarding the planet and house placement.

🌿 The degree of your rising sign is more than likely the age of something significant happen in your physical life/to you physically. This is tea y’all.

🌾 You most likely share placements or degrees in your chart with your siblings. My sister is a Scorpio sun, Aries rising, Virgo moon and I’m a Libra sun, Scorpio rising, Aries moon. If I was born two days earlier I would’ve been a Virgo sun and if she was born one or two days later she would’ve been a Libra moon. So I think thats pretty cool. We’re also both Venus dominant and she has a Libra stellium 💗. You really choose your family for your next life lol like that’s so crazy to me.

🌿 Ima say dis with my chest. STOP doing wrong by Saturn ruled placements!!! Saturn is ruled by Capricorn, Aquarius in traditional astrology and we cannot forget about its exalted sign in Libra. As a Libra, I receive karma with the quickness but also people that have done wrong by me their quality of life decreases and or whichever house Saturn is in their chart is deeply affected in the worst ways.. daddy Saturn don’t play bout his! Be fair and follow the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

🌾 Having heavy Sagittarius placements in your chart makes you open to learn different languages or different cultures.. just always wanting to learn. Whatever house it��s in you want to master in life.

🌿 The mutables Gemini Virgo Sagittarius Pisces love their niches, they are the teachers and preachers of the zodiac.

🌾 Geminis have the gift of gab more than any other zodiac. Sagittarius could possibly go toe to toe with them

🌿 If anyone ever tries to degrade you for studying astrology and eggs you on to prove this practice to be true, get their birth info and read them their Chiron sign and house placement. Hit ‘em where it hurts!

🌾 Scorpio and Libra placements are usually the generational trauma breakers of their family. Honorable mention- Saturns children, Capricorn and Aquarius

🌿 An undeveloped Capricorn placement that enters your life is literally satan reincarnated to torture you for whatever you did wrong in your past life. And I (if u were raised around Christianity) believe Jesus was a Pisces/Aries! I can argue about this all day! In tarot Capricorn rules the devil! Like hellooooo

🌾 Sixth house/Virgo placements are pretty good at taking care of pets and plants. They feel the most sane around nature and animals.

🌿 Personal planets harmoniously aspected to Neptune make the person seem very angelic like. Very soft souls, earth angels. Hard aspects have people having an even more distorted projection of you.

🌾 Personal planets harmoniously aspected or not to Uranus gives you that shock factor some people will be repelled and some people will be very intrigued.

🌿 Aries placements especially sun and moon are really loyal! I’m talking mostly platonically. Once they see you as their person they are truly ride or die.

🌾 Cancer placements can be one of the most loving and giving when developed. Some spiteful mfs when underdeveloped omg.

🌿 I realize cancer placement women get treated with the cutest romantic gestures. I think they lovers want to do these things for them because they give off ethereal or princess vibes but they’re also real nasty in the sheets lol

🌾 Cancers don’t really get a bad rep even when they do shady things. For example: Selena Gomez when she dated Abel even tho she was cool with Bella was super weird. And I think a lot of people forgot how Kevin hart cheated on his wife like it was nothing lol. Ariana grande with the donuts and now the Ethan thing chileee. It’s like they get a second of backlash and then everyone adores them again lol.

🌿 Having a grand trine in your chart can make you so damn lazy in the houses those planets/figures are in 🥹🥲. It’s crazy cuz that talent(s) will come natural to you and you’ll over look it! Please don’t.

🌾 Grand squares are TOUGH but it pushes you to break cycles and overcome so much in your life. Same with t-squares

🌱 Astrology is really a map. It shows you which path you can take and where you can end up when you include discernment and discipline into your daily life. It’s never an excuse to behave the way you do. Ultimately it helps us reach our most aligned and enlighten self! I hope you all enjoyed. 🌱

Idk why I can’t figure out how to delete this question thing so let’s do a cute lil questionnaire!

[look-at-the-soul]

Every little thing you do- Part 7

Tommy Shelby x reader

Series master list

A/N:Sorry for not posting this part earlier! I’ve been sick all week but I’m finally functioning like a human again 🤭 you’ll see some references to what really happened in season 3, I just adapted it to this story. Anyways hope you enjoy it! 🥰 let me know in the comments xx

Word count: 3,964

Tommy felt his anger raising, but he needed to calm down and think.

Think straight, have a clear mind.

Father Hughes was the most irritating person on earth. He didn’t want him to be involved in his charity project, that man was far from being someone respectable and he only make him waste his time. Deep down, Tommy knew he must have a dark past, something that he did wrong… he just needed to find what was his weakness.

It was still early, but still he needed a drink. Taking a glass and a decanter, he poured himself some.

“Thomas.” Polly called from the door.

“I need you to take care of everything today, gotta go.”

“Where?”

“I’ve a meeting, will probably be back later tonight.” He took a long swing of his drink. “Arranged a meeting with Vicente Changretta, Arthur and John will be there.”

They needed to fix the relationship with the Italians, after burning down the restaurant. He already had enough trouble in his hands.

“Fine.” She looked at him intensely. “You know… I was talking to Lizzie yesterday.”

Tommy hummed unbothered.

“Has Y/N told you if Lizzie keeps pissing her off?”

“No. Why?” He moved to his desk to take a few things.

Polly shuddered, perhaps she understood Lizzie wrong, she seemed to feel embarrassed and refused to say anything else to her.

“She’s jealous.” Polly ran her fingers through her hair. “She thought Y/N’s baby was yours.”

Tommy’s head snapped towards his aunt. His eyes had closed in disbelief. “What the fuck?”

“Look, I’m not judging her, and you shouldn’t either.” Polly gave him a knowing glance, se had talked to the secretary and she seemed to be having a change of heart.

“She told me she’s willing to do anything to get you to trust her once more.”

Pondering on Polly’s words, Tommy thought for a couple of seconds. “Anything eh? Alright… she’s going to help us clean the mess she made.”

He’d try to push Lizzie’s buttons just to make sure how far she could go. The sudden change could’ve a reason behind.

Now it was Polly’s turn to squint her eyes. “What are you thinking of?”

“She’s going to break up this absurd romance with Angel Changretta. Very peacefully.”

“Isn’t that too much to ask?” She asked cautiously.

“Explain to Lizzie how life works, no matter what Angel says, he’ll always remind her of her past. If she knows what’s good for her, she’ll always have her desk available here as a secretary, but if she keeps this going, I’m going to be her worst nightmare.” He warned right before storming out his office.

First he’d stop by to pay Ada a visit, then off to the meeting with the Russian royalty.

***

Y/N thanked the two men carrying the last piece of furniture into the office, they previously brought in the small desk and chairs, the bookshelf and a file cabinet.

In the corner of the room, she kept a box full of folders, sheets and other office supplies she would distribute among the classrooms. Most of her days have been busy organizing the storage and after a while it seemed to be presentable.

“Miss Y/N Y/LN?” The gardener called, getting her attention. “Your presence is required outside.”

“Oh! Sure.”

The Shelby Institute might open its doors any moment now, she thought as she strolled through the long hall, her shoes clacked against the floor, the daily walks around the institute made her keep in a good shape, because her belly was becoming more prominent day by day, of course she got out of breath anyways.

“We just need you to check if it’s the right color.” Paul asked pointing at the wall.

Tommy made sure to hire Small Heath people, purchasing all the material from local and small businesses, he felt this urge to help as much as possible because he couldn’t stop thinking given different circumstances, it would be him instead of them struggling with money, not having enough in their pockets to feed their family.

“This looks amazing, thank you for all the hard work you’re doing.” Y/N praised.

It wasn’t her place to supervise, but Tommy officially let her decide everything that was needed; from the color, decoration, even the personnel. He just kept signing cheques.

“Am I still on time to enroll my children? Could you ask Mr. Shelby, Miss Y/LN?”

“Yes of course you can! Bring me the papers tomorrow morning and the authorization.”

It was Tommy’s wish, to help as much people as possible.

The man gave her an embarrassed glance. “I don’t want them to be like me, I want them to have an education.” He added with melancholy.

“There’s nothing wrong to work in construction Billy,” Y/N encouraged. “But it’s admirable that you want them to be better.”

“That wouldn’t be possible without Mr. Shelby’s generosity.”

Y/N smiled at him but before she could step inside the building again, she noticed a car parking behind. Squinting her eyes because of the sun, she could barely tell who was that.

“Is this the Institution that runs that gang leader?” The man asked, judging by his attire he was a priest, but there was some off about him that said otherwise.

An uneasy feeling made Y/N take a step back, she covered her bump with the folders in her hands in a protective motion.

“Who’s asking?”

Tommy would be the last person on earth to have something to do with a priest.

The man looked her up and down, giving her a nasty and dirty stare.

“Tell him I’ll supervise this place, once it’s open.”

When he left, his vehicle made a cloud of dust. He didn’t ask politely, no, he pretended to be in charge of the charity.

Y/N walked inside the Institute again, making a mental note to add a room for the children to read, and they might need a fountain in the patio. She chuckled to herself, realizing she started to sound like Tommy.

No long after honking loudly, Tommy announced his presence, Y/N saw him behind the window as he was strolling towards her.

“Pick up your stuff, we’re going.” He announced.

“Where?”

“Somewhere, don’t ask.”

Y/N frowned. “I’ve to ask, it’s going to be midday, there’s things that need to be done.”

Tommy stepped into her office, looking for her coat and handbag.

“Yeah I pay you a ridiculous amount of money it’s about time you hire an assistant.” He said with a wink.

“An assistant of an assistant. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard.” She added, Tommy noticed she crossed her arms, not pleased by his interruption, she was always doing what she had to do and don’t you dare to move something from her things-to-do-list.

“It’s something good, trust me.”

“Can I ask where are we going?” Y/N asked enjoying the wind in her face.

“No.”

“What’s with all this secrecy?”

“If I tell you, you’re going to tell me no.”

“Well, you better include food because the baby is getting hungry.” Y/N smiled at her bump, while her hands caressed in a circle motion. Day by day she was getting fond of her baby.

“Oh I was counting you’d say that, lately you’re demanding more and more food.” He added in a light mood.

“Polly says I need to eat for two.” Y/N defended.

Tommy chuckled and in a blink, he was gone. He literally stormed into the library.

The little information she managed to get was that now she was reading out loud for Tommy a book about Russians that ran away from the revolution and opted to live exiled and from the Crown’s charity. Tommy assured her that way was practical.

Parking later after in front of a couple of shops, but she still knew so little about what was behind Tommy’s requests.

“I’ve a meeting around, it should be quick,” he explained helping Y/N out of the car, “but I thought it might be good if you start searching for some baby furniture, eh?”

“Tommy…” She covered her mouth with her hand.

“And don’t even start saying you don’t have money, I promised your grandma to look after the two of you, and that includes the things the baby will need.” Tommy used her shocked state to practically drag her inside the store, wining the argument way before it could start. “Hello, we would like to check out a moses, a rocking chair, a drawer…”

Y/N stared at him silently, Tommy thought of everything and even though his generosity wasn’t a surprise, it still came out of the blue, catching her off guard.

“Would you like us to open an account?” Asked the perplexed sales woman.

“Yes,” Tommy answered eyeing a catalog. “Everything she wants, a lamp, the carpet, the sheets… just put it into my account.” He handled a card with his company name and address. “Pick you up in about an hour?”

Y/N nodded, still trying to process everything.

“Leave something for the rest of the costumers ey!” Tommy shouted from the door before disappearing.

The woman started swooning immediately. “I hope the baby will get his eyes.” The woman admitted with a blush.

Y/N opened her mouth to correct her and tell her that Tommy wasn’t the father, but she closed it instead, remembering the advise her grandmother shared with her; don’t explain your situation to people you don’t know, let them believe their assumptions even if it’s incorrect. It will save you of uncomfortable explanations.

So Y/N gave the sales woman an awkward smile and followed her to the back of the store, this moment would arrive sooner or later and she was already here.

“We can make any piece you want in a variety of colors, there’s a trunk in the corner that goes well with this dresser…”

“Let me bring the fabric catalog for the carpets.” Added another woman, they obviously wanted to make a juicy sale.

Y/N felt like she was walking on a cloud, the smile on her face couldn’t get bigger. And now, she was the one swooning over the furniture, her imagination taking her to unknown places with images of her rocking her baby to sleep, or taking a look through the canopy at a small bundle of joy.

An excited gasp escaped her lips when she landed her eyes on a crib mobile. Her heart did this flip inside her chest and she could hardly hide her emotions.

“Should we add it?” The expert eye of the sales woman noticed her excitement. “Your baby will be fascinated and spend hours staring at it.”

The mobile had a handmade star and a sheep, a fluffy cloud and a small sun. It was adorable, she couldn’t wait for her baby to be born to use everything.

Y/N was allowed to sit on the rocking chairs to see which one felt more comfortable and the women showed her a few combinations to create a whole set of dresser, a small wardrobe, a bedside table and also the different colors they had to offer. The more she looked, the more confused she felt because everything was beautiful! She had never had the chance to purchase furniture, since her house was filled with her grandma’s possessions.

A fond memory of her grandmother knitting a blanket for one of her sisters filled her mind, her parents didn’t have enough money to buy fancy furniture, so they used a basket as a crib, she was just a girl but she remembered it clearly.

Both women shared endless recommendations for her baby arrival, and Y/N felt extremely grateful and was willing to take every little thing that could be helpful.

As she flicked another page of the catalog, she wondered how long would it take Tommy to pick her up, then her thoughts wandered towards her sister Lee-Anne, the last time she saw her, it was the day her father hit her. They couldn’t meet because their parents where so strict now, after what happened, they were trying to move under the radar according to her grandmother. There were so many things she wanted to tell Lee-Anne, firstly assure her that she was alright, she didn’t need to worry, then when the time is right, she would explain everything to her, so the younger girl wouldn’t make the same mistake as her.

Not that she thought her baby was a mistake, no. Those are two separate things. But the circumstances it’s what was wrong, she was aware that not all women had a Tommy Shelby around the corner to selflessly take care of everything.

If only she knew then, she’d do it differently.

“Y/N?” A gentle voice called for her, something squeezed her arm slightly.

Her eyes fluttered open and Y/N looked around confused.

“You fell asleep.” Tommy pointed out.

“It happens all the time.” The sales woman gave her a small glance. “We didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Goodness.” Y/N felt embarrassed and mortified, she felt tired.

“So, I think you found the perfect rocking chair then.” Tommy raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“We’ll have everything delivered in a couple of weeks.” Her smile couldn’t get bigger.

Thanking them, Tommy and Y/N stepped outside the boutique, she wanted to stretch her legs so bad.

“How did your meeting go?”

“Boring.”

He always had just a few words to say. But his eyes, said everything that was crossing his mind.

“Did you get to drink vodka and do the Russian dance?” Y/N teased.

Tommy scoffed at her sense of humor.

“He’s a liar, a buffer. He’s just a filthy lucky bastard with the right connections.”

He sighed loudly, but at least Tommy was sharing something with her. In that case it would be so easy for him to make that man show his true colors.

As he started the engine, Y/N started telling him of all the adorable things they showed her at the store, noticing the way her eyes were glowing. And he obviously preferred that kind of news instead of the one Polly was about to share.

“I’ll wait here by the fireplace.” Y/N announced, not wanting to get in the middle of the argument.

Sitting in one of the couches, she leaned her head back, rolling her feet meanwhile a few steps away, the Shelby family were discussing over whatever John had made.

“If you apologize once, you do it again and again…” Y/N heard Tommy say as she was drifting away to sleep. But she was far too gone and tired.

Feeling drained after all the things he got busy with, Tommy couldn’t wait to be home.

“You can stay over so you don’t have to drive back.” He proposed to his brother Finn, who would be driving.

But as Tommy stepped into the entry, he stopped abruptly when his eyes landed on Y/N. She was peacefully sleeping on the couch, the flames of the fireplace casting shadows over her features while one of her hands rested under her belly.

He didn’t have the heart to wake her up.

“Bring the car around.” He whispered Finn, trying to concede Y/N a few more minutes before starting the road back home.

Taking off his coat, he slid it over her frame to cover her from the cold. Tommy tried to call her in a low voice, but she only adjusted her shoulder as answer. Y/N should probably take things easier, but she was adamant to finish the charity project, she was pouring every fiber of her soul into it and wanted to make sure every single detail was perfect.

“Y/N… let’s go.” Tommy tried again softly.

Fluttering her eyes, she slowly opened them squinting in confusion by feeling Tommy touching her shoulder.

“C’mon let me help you.”

“Hmm.” She hummed barely cooperating.

She was beyond sleepy by the time they reached the car, settled taking the back seat by herself, she heard the Shelby brothers talking something about an Italian pub and a fight that would eventually happen. Tommy mentioned something about their fragile ego and sending flowers to a hospital, but Y/N couldn’t be sure because maybe it was part of her dream.

She moved across the room, smashing the fresh berries for the pie she was baking, the lovely smell feeling the small kitchen, it was a sunny day and she could hear the birds chirping, when suddenly a baby cry came to her attention. Y/N rushed then to get pick up her baby who was demanding her presence.

“It’s just fine, are you hungry?” She cooed to settle the lovely bundle wrapped in a blanket.

“How’s my ray of sunshine?” Asked her grandmother from behind, reaching over to caress the baby’s face.

“Woke up hungry.”

“You feed the baby while I finish the pie.”

When the car took a turn Y/N’s bumped something, she woke up disoriented.

“Finally I was tired of you snoring.” Tommy teased taking at look over his shoulder.

“Oh my God I don’t snore!”

“Loud and clear.” Tommy assured her. “Like a truck driver.”

Y/N gave Tommy a surprised and embarrassed look, awkwardly she tried to fix her hair since it was out of place.

Finn rushed upstairs while Mary greeted them by the door.

“Something important came up?” Tommy asked the maid.

“Just a few letters.” She gave him a nod.

“Oh, and maybe a couple of responses to the charity invitation.” Y/N wondered out loud.

“All correspondence arrived under Mr. Shelby’s name.” The maid explained, making a bit obvious that she wasn’t very fond of Y/N.

Y/N looked between Tommy and Mary, waiting.

“Go on, go check the mail.” He told her softly.

“Mr. Shelby.” Mary tried to get his attention. “The mailman thinks Miss Y/LN is Mrs. Shelby, he asked me if Mrs. Shelby had anymore invites to send off.” The maid voiced with concern.

Tommy noticed the offended tone in her voice.

“Let him think whatever he wants, Mary.” Tommy shuddered, not thinking it was important. “As long as he takes the mail.”

“But…” she tried again, then closed her mouth when Tommy gave her the look.

“That’s all, thank you Mary.” Tommy dismissed her just as Y/N entered the reading room skipping happily.

“Guess!”

Sitting, Tommy groaned. “Guess what?”

“He said yes!” Y/N explained excitedly.

“Who?” He chuckled at her happiness.

“He leader of the Birmingham City Council is going to attend the dinner.” Y/N showed him the letter back. “Everyone has said yes.”

Tommy dragged his eyes from the piece of paper, towards Y/N.

“Ah.” Suddenly she got the energy of a kid, it was the nap during the car ride did wonders to her.

“I keep changing the menu, do you think we should offer something else?” Y/N kept explaining how she needed to send a Thank you note back to the people who had confirmed their attendance.

The charity was clearly an excellent job for her. Keeping her busy with something good whilst helping people in need and he was glad to have someone he could trust to take care of that.

“You need to remember to take this slowly, write off those notes tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.” He suggested.

“But Tommy, these things can’t wait, it takes days for the letters to be delivered and-”

“Very well then, why don’t you use the typewriter I gave you.” He cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink.

“Tom!” She chuckled. “You don’t write letters of a social occasion on a typewriter.” Y/N explained him with a smile.

“Oh, forgive me.” He raised his eyebrows.

She then went on to show him another paper. “I’ve the drawings of what they plan to do with the grounds of the institute. There’ll be an area for the children to play. Look.” He hummed in response. “And the Birmingham Charity Commission have agreed to set aside their three rotten floorboards upstairs and grant us the license within a month.”

She finally took a deep breath after managing to explain him all in record time. There was a soft smile playing on his lips and she found tenderness in his eyes.

“You’re not listening to me.” Y/N sentenced.

Tommy leaned forwards. “Yes I am. I am.”

“You think I’m becoming obsessed?” Y/N stopped abruptly.

A chuckle escaped Tommy’s lips. “No, as a matter of fact, I love the passion you’ve put into this project.”

“This wouldn’t be possible without you.” Y/N expressed honestly.

Tommy gave Y/N a long look, studying her features, until he finally spoke.

“I’ve something for you.” Y/N frowned confused. “I know you’ll say it’s a bit too much, but still.”

“What did you get?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“Close your eyes.” Tommy encouraged.

“Tom.”

He fixed his eyes on her, not taking a no for as answer. So she gave in, turned around and closed her eyes.

Leaning back, Tommy got something out of his pocket, holding the chain between both hands, he presented Y/N the present.

Y/N felt lost for words when she saw the necklace. “What’s this?”

“A sapphire.” He explained calmly.

The cold stone sent a shiver down her spine when it made contact with her skin. It felt heavy and strange to have a stone that bug hanging from her neck.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“A simple thank you could work.” He winked. “And before you even start, you can either wear it or keep it in the box it’s your choice.”

Y/N was still trying to process the overpriced present, never in a million years she imagined to own something like that piece of expensive jewelry.

“This is insane, but thank you.” She chuckled nervously. “Where am I even supposed to wear something like this? The charity event?”

“You can wear it to church if you want, it’s yours Y/N.”

“Goodness.” She looked down at her chest and touched the cold gemstone. “You really look for any excuse to show off your wealth, damned bastard.”

Tommy laughed loudly. “You got me.”

“I wanted to ask you to be my baby’s godfather… but you’re going to spoil the poor child.”

“Oh I think I earned that right, so you better keep considering me.”

She slapped his arm playfully, earning another laugh from him. Tommy pulled her by the arm but the sharp move caught her off guard and made her loose her balance, landing on his chest. His arms came around her waist instantly in a protective motion, and their laughs subsided as soon as they realized how close they were to each other’s faces.

Something they both didn’t know how to name ignited in that moment, suddenly her warm hands felt like burning through the layers of his clothes, his deep blue sparkled in a way she had never seen before.

Struggling to form a coherent thought, Y/N used his chest to support her arms and move back. Tommy cleared his throat just as he was trying to clear his mind.

“Sorry… I stumbled.” She tried to smooth her clothes.

“Yeah.” He noticed the blush on her cheeks.

“Better go to get s-some rest.” The words rushed out of her lips. “Have a good night.”

“Good night, Y/N.” He replied more to himself, watching her leave the room.

Taking the remains of his drink in a swing, Tommy thought how close they were of crossing a line that would change everything.

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[alphajocklover]

So I just finished my 3rd year exams at university (hopefully I did well enough to make it into a 4th year and go for an Master's of science) and as soon as I get out near the crowd to celebrate a guy bumps into me and I broke my phone. I was ready to give him a piece of my mind until I saw he was pretty built, he must be on some university team for something. He felt awful apparently and he gave me his old phone as an apology. It came with this InstaJock app thing on it. I dunno what it is but I kinda wanna load it up...

Another instance of a jock giving someone a phone with InstaJock already downloaded on it. Another instance of someone doing something with InstaJock that doesn’t make any sense. I know it’s unprofessional to say something like this, but this is driving me crazy. Why would a jock give away their phone? If they wanted to turn you into a jock like them, they’d just send you the app! If they wanted to give you a new phone for real, they’d have wiped it before giving it to you. I guess it's possible they forgot, but InstaJock is super important to the users that get transformed into jocks. Even with how stupid jocks can be, I doubt they’d forget about the app that literally changed their life. So… why?

I’ve mentioned in some of my earlier Instajock posts that someone has been messing with people using this app. Using it in unconventional ways to mess with people, spreading false information about the app, and even making knock offs of the transformative app. My first thought was that it had to be The Master. Not the Doctor Who villain, to those who get that reference, but someone I introduced to you all in a recent post. He’s the creator of Instajock and the mastermind behind my Uncle’s transformation and kidnapping. He’s an incredibly powerful figure in the Transformation Community, even more than I’ve told you. Most people who know about transformations are scared to mention him, even other TF Reporters are, and most powerful people or groups who work with transformation either do business with him or stay out of his way. But… I don’t think he’s the one behind this. He likes to mess with people, play with his victims like whoever is behind this, but if he wanted to do that he could just add features to the actual InstaJock app. He had no reason to do things in such a roundabout way. Which makes me think… it’s someone else.

Whoever is doing this has an intimate knowledge of the app, so It has to be someone involved with InstaJock, someone besides The Master. Maybe someone who works for him? Even he couldn’t have programmed the entire app on his own and added in the magical elements without help. Plus he isn’t one for upkeep, so he’s probably having someone else run the site for him. They also have to be someone with a lot of nerve to mess with The Master, maybe someone who they’ve hurt personally. On top of all of that it’d also have to be someone the jocks would listen to. Maybe someone who worked on InstaJock that The Master fired, a former employee?

I can’t be sure of who's behind this yet, but I do know that whatever they’re trying to do with you isn’t good. When you press that app, you won’t just be turned into a jock like a regular InstaJock user. It has to be something… special. Something that would benefit, or would at least interest the person behind this. Maybe you’ll turn into a copy of the jock who gave you the phone, become their perfect twin? Maybe something else will happen entirely. I can’t be sure.

If it’s not too late, send me the phone immediately. I can put it somewhere safe, and I might be able to protect you from whoever's doing this. If it is too late… Well I hope you enjoy whatever happened. Being transformed against your will sucks, but being a jock can be fun, even if it isn’t your choice.

**3 stories in one day, all InstaJock? I must be on a roll! I hope you guys liked this one! There are still more mysteries and more transformations to discover! Stay tuned!**

[kayentokk]

Easy Peasy Sukuna Squeezey(Part 3);What Could Go Wrong

Pairing;Sukuna x Fem! Reader

Summary;What could go wrong during your weekend with Sukuna? Not much except one thing, or one person.

Contains;fluff, lots of fun, ex, sukuna gushing, childhood memories, some cussing

Wc;2,010

A/N;I am literally so sorry, tbh I forgot I made this a series 😅 and then I checked my comments and I was like oh. So my bad guys I will try to update this regularly and get my schedule back together. Also just comment on any of the posts for this series that you want to be tagged to get on the tag list. 

Tag list 🏷️; @charlie-xo

Prev. Series M.list Next

The week felt like it took forever to be over, exams, loads of homework, part-time job, all that hectic stuff. But this weekend you get to-well you’re not really sure exactly what Sukuna has in store for you but whatever it is you’re excited for it. 

You had texted your roommate the day you were over Sukunas apartment that you’d be staying there at least until the weekend was over. You often stayed at Sukunas for long periods of time when you needed a break or just wanted to hang with your best friend. He never really minded you were pretty good company, in your own words, and he was used to spending long periods of time with you. During school, after school, in the summer, whenever your moms wanted to have a girls night, just whenever. 

Anyways your roommate was obviously cool with it, she had mentioned she wanted to have “company” over anyways so it all worked out. You took Sukuna’s advice and blocked your ex, you were probably going to do that anyways since the relationship was definitely over, so you have no idea if he’s texted or called. Not that you care though, he’s an ass and he should have enough shame, decency, and brains not to call and understand it’s over. 

To be honest you’re at the acceptance stage of grief, it is what it is he wasn’t the one for you, but it still sucks. Sukuna has actually been really helpful, he’s been, for lack of a better word, a great distraction. He won’t tell you what he has planned for tonight though, all he said was to be ready in pajamas. Maybe a movie night? 

You guys used to do those every Friday, but then college got too hectic with it being senior year and all. Sukuna said his classes are pretty easy, although you aren’t too surprised on that one he’s always been exceptionally intelligent, he claims it’s because he just decided to major in business since he’s not exactly sure what he wants to do.

He didn’t want to be a chef, even though he’s exceptionally talented in cooking too, but he’s a waiter at a restaurant for his part time job. When he first got that job you visited to see the restaurant, and him, it was a nice little quiet diner. He was annoyed and disgusted about it on the outside but you could tell he was embarrassed about you visiting, mostly because one time there was a couple that sat in the booth behind you and made comments about, “young love.” And every time you would sit in that same booth just to annoy him because you knew he thought about it each time, it was honestly hilarious. You and him? Being a couple? What a joke.

Sukuna texted he was on his way back, he had a lecture that was in the evening that day and he left a little early to start you guys’ weekend plans. Apparently you hadn’t been paying much attention to any calls or messages because you had about 10 missed calls from your friend and a dozen text messages. You immediately called back.

“Hello? Girl! Why have you not picked up, I’ve been calling you for forever.”

“I’m sorry! I was just laying here, and I had on dnd from when I was in classes earlier. I guess I never turned it off,” you replied in an anxious tone.

Mai just sighed before continuing, “anyways your boyfriend-“

“Ex,” you cut her off before she could even begin.

“Your ex-boyfriend,” she corrected herself with irritation, “has been showing up like every other hour asking about you, and I wasn’t paying much attention before but I’m pretty sure his car was outside yesterday for a while. He’s probably waiting on you, has he texted?”

“I don’t know if he’s texted I blocked him. That’s probably why he’s showing up, he thinks I’m home. Just ignore him, and if he continues to knock call the police or something.”

“Why can’t he just leave you alone? It’s clearly over, there’s nothing there anymore.”

“I know, I’m so sorry by the way.”

“You’re fine, enjoy your weekend babes! I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Mhm my company should be over soon, talk to you later, be safe.”

“Kk you too, bye Mai,” and with a small beep, the call ended. 

He was coming by every hour? How insane. You hoped he wouldn’t give Mai much trouble, but then again she could handle herself. What if he knew you were at Sukuna’s? Well he didn’t know the address….he’s dropped you off before though. Maybe he doesn’t remember it? Oh no what if he shows up?! And then your whole weekend of distraction will be ruined, and all of Sukuna’s hard work will be-

“-n? Y/n! Hey, Earth to y/n again. Seems like I’m having to do that a lot this week huh?” Sukuna jokes. 

“Hm, oh yeah sorry-“ you say lost in your thoughts.

“Uhh you sure? Why’re you all spaced out?”

“It’s nothing-“

“We both know it’s not nothing you might as well tell me, you’re not very good at your poker face I’ll have to teach you sometime,” he says playfully.

“It’s just- he showed up at my apartment. He was looking for me-“

“But you’re not there so what’s the problem?”

“Mai is there, which I’m sure she’s fine he’s not crazy he’s just a whore, but what if he shows up here?” 

“Wow never thought I’d hear you slut shame someone, that’s a new low y/n,” he smiles and then continues, “but you don’t have to worry about him showing up here. That is if he knows what’s good for him.”

Oh yeah one small thing, the time your ex dropped you off him and Sukuna did not get along. It was the briefest moment, it felt like when your dad dropped you back off at your moms’ after spending a weekend with him, but it was tense. You could tell, Sukuna’s sharp maroon gaze stayed on him even after you had stepped inside. So, safe to say he’d have to be pretty ballsy to show up here.  

“Put on some boots or something we’re going out,” Sukuna says gruffly.

“Going out where? I’m in pajamas-“

“I know, good. I told you to be, glad to know you listen.”

You scoffed, “no way I’m going in public like this-,” you gestured with your hands waving in an up and down movement to your unprofessional getup. 

“Relax. You won’t be the only one, I’m about to change too.”

“Oh because two of us looking like we just rolled out of bed is better than one,” you said sarcastically.

“Exactly, I knew you’d get it I had to admit I was getting a little worried there,” he teased.

“Oh shut up dimwit,” you said smiling.

There it was again, stunning.

Sukuna went to quickly throw on some sweats and an old faded t-shirt, probably sporting some random band. He grabbed his keys, and you were out the door. 

You loved night time drives, everything just hit different. The music vibed better, especially when Sukuna let you have the aux, the car ride is just more fun at night. When you arrived at the destination Sukuna parked the car and reached to turn the knob on the volume down.

“Look where we are,” he said turning to stare at you.

You immediately turned to look out the window, and even though it took you a second you realized-

With a big shriek and gasp you turned back to Sukuna, “this is-!”

“The ‘best convenience store ever in our hometown’ I know you said it to me so much it’s engraved in my brain.”

Sparkles were in your eyes, along with some unshed tears. So many great memories were here. Every time you passed a test with an A your mom would bring you here to get your favorite snack, and since Sukuna always did well on tests you’d take him about once a month to continue the tradition. But then you guys’ campus was at least a 35 minute commute from here, and when it was busy during the day maybe 45, so you stopped coming. There just wasn’t enough time and you guys got really busy. But not many people were on the road at night, and with Sukuna’s driving you guys probably made it there in 20-25 minutes tops. 

You were so happy you could scream. It was apparent in your face, the brightest smile. You jumped out of the car and immediately ran into the store, Sukuna not far too behind you. 

You had already grabbed one of the small dark green dingy looking baskets, ah the same as always, from the entrance and were halfway down your favorite aisle by the time he got inside. 

He greeted the kind old lady at the register who had witnessed your excitement just moments ago, screeching with joy, which scared her when you rushed in. 

He quickly found the aisle you were in and watched you decide which snacks you wanted, carefully picking the items and placing them in the basket. 

You rushed from one place to another, grabbing drinks, chips, snacks, anything you wanted because who knows when you’ll visit here again. Then you just stopped, and Sukuna watching your madness didn’t think you were ever going to. Then your eyes started to well up with worry.

“What’s wrong?”

“I- I left my wallet back at your apartment, I can’t buy any of this-“

“What? I’m obviously buying, dimwit,” he scoffed repeating your words from earlier.

“Really?” You asked, the excitement immediately perking back up inside you. 

He didn’t even get to answer before you continued happily on your shopping spree, how could he say no anyways? By the time you were done you couldn’t even pick up your basket. You quickly looked to Sukuna for help, and he rolled his eyes taking the basket with his left arm. You began to giggle watching him walk to the register. You couldn’t help it, the sight of him carrying a basket like a soccer mom was just too funny. 

A stuffed full basket being carried by his well built arm, the vein bulging from the somewhat strenuous task being carried out. His hand flexing and unflexing to stretch after putting the basket down, making the veins even more visible as they pop out due to his contractions-

“Y/n? You coming? Don’t you wanna get home to eat all this stuff?” 

You quickly snapped out of your haze, and ran up to the register where Sukuna had already taken his wallet out to pay, making a comment about how you were most definitely going to eat it in his car. You left a happy customer that day.

Before you left you made Sukuna stop in front of the shop so that you could snap a quick photo of the two of you together, you wanted to send it to your moms. 

You smiled the whole car ride home, and when you got in the house. 

“Thank you,” you said sincerely with a huge grin on your face.

“Yeah, yeah I know I’m the best,” he replied with a smirk.

“Can you cook the ramen please?”

“Who else was gonna-“

And then the shrill ring of the doorbell rang. 

“Are you expecting someone?”

“No, no one comes over here. Maybe it’s just a package.”

“At 10pm?”

“I don’t know, maybe some drunk has the wrong door.”

Then it rang again.

“Okay maybe not…”

“Sukuna just go get the door I’ll start prepping-“

Before you could finish your sentence though, he already opened the door ready to tell off the drunk.

“Oh. It’s you.” 

You didn’t like Sukuna’s tone, and being the nosey person you are sometimes, you rushed to the door. You immediately understood his tone. 

“Oh, of course it’s you.”

@/cafekitsune for the divider

[oddinary4bts]

Love is a Laserquest | choi san

☆summary: years after your break-up, Choi San comes to you for help. In an attempt to save his life, you escape to your uncle's cabin in the woods far from civilization. Will nostalgia and longing make you fall again, or is Choi San just spinning more lies to you?

☆pairing: gangster!Choi San x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: gangster au, exes au, angst, smut, a smidge of the one bed trope

☆warnings: guns/gun violence (mentioned), knifes/stabbing (mentioned), a bounty over San's head, death of a minor character (named Jungkook my bad), blood, injuries, stitches, probably some wrong medical terminology bc optometrists don't stitch up people lmao, a panic attack, cursing, pet names, explicit content: oral sex (female receiving) -> face riding, let me know if I forgot any!

☆word count: 16.5k

☆a/n: Here's my submission for Outlaw: The Project hosted by @ssaboala. It is coincidentally my first time posting about another group than bts, so I hope this won't disappoint! I really enjoyed writing it (even though it's really sad oop). Also my first time making a moodboard so hopefully it works haha

☆a/n pt2: thank you to @moonleeai for being my ever-so faithful beta reader, love you lots <3

☆☆☆☆☆

And do you still think love is a Laserquest? Or do you take it all more seriously? I’ve tried to ask you this in some daydreams that I’ve had But you’re always busy being make-believe

Love is a Laserquest – Arctic Monkeys

☆☆☆☆☆

The diner is silent, unoccupied. It always is on late weekday evenings, when most patrons have gone to bed, the city falling under a carpet of hushed silence only night can bring forth. It makes the diner feel like it’s straight out of a 70s movie, and it makes for the perfect study sessions too.

Night isn’t always soundless in your part of town. Hence why you’ve been trying to escape, pursuing an education that has been leaving you penniless, but with a bright future ahead. If you make it out of med school at a certain point, that is.

Tonight, you fear the peace that night usually entails has been ruined for you – there were gunshots earlier, close enough for you to see the police cars racing past as the law officers made it to probably yet another gang fight.

There’s been a gang war on your side of town. The diner has always been safe, a refuge for both sides of the war, where they aren’t allowed to fight. To carry in weapons and hatred. No, the moment they cross the threshold of the diner, the gangsters become one family, sharing struggles that only poverty can cause.

You wipe a table clean before walking back towards the counter. Your open laptop waits for you, and you quickly read the study guide you’ve made for yourself, the cardiovascular system and its pathologies forming a maze in your mind that you’ve yet to decode. Luckily enough, you still have a week before the bloc ends and you have to take the exam.

Plenty of time to cram everything about the heart in your thick little skull, you’d say.

Your lips move in time with what you’re reading, attention solely focused on the bright screen when a thump is heard right outside the door. It startles you, and you turn around to see the empty street out of the glass door.

It takes you about ten seconds to notice the dark form sitting on the ground. They’re leaning against the door, head lolling to the side. You assume it must be someone that’s ended unhoused, something that happens far too often where you live.

You’ve always been kind. When you were younger, you were told your kindness would be your demise. Yet you’ve never been able to be anything but kind, even though sometimes it might put you at risk. So you can’t resist but walk to the front door, trying to push it open.

It’s useless – the weight of the person is keeping it tightly shut, though they do straighten a little, as if coming to their senses. They turn, and the moment their profile comes into view you’re brought back eight years in the past. To a time when the world was still a beautiful place, void of violence and cruelty. To a smile so sweet it made flowers blossom on your heart, and to eyes so sharp you knew they had read your soul.

Choi San is sitting outside the door, and the caked blood on his cheek tells you enough – he’s injured. He pushes away from the door before slowly getting up. He clutches his side as he does it, yet when he turns back towards you and faces your horrified eyes, he still offers you a smirk.

You push the door open, thinking about the years between then and now. You had dated him for a few months that had felt like forever, until you had realized in what kind of business he was getting involved with. You had tried to convince him to flee before it was too late, and he kept promising that he would.

Only he never did, hiding lies with beautiful words that made your teenage self swoon, until your parents had realized and forced you to break up. It had been a nasty break-up, filled with hatred and words you didn’t mean yet had needed to say for him to leave.

You remember breaking his heart like it was yesterday.

“Choi San,” you greet him, and when he lets go of his side, you notice blood on his hand.

Something runs cold inside of you, even though he still sports a smirk on his lips.

He says your name, bowing his head. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Months, in fact. Because he does come to the diner sometimes. He usually ignores you, and so do you, so it feels strange to have him speak to you. To hear his voice as his words are addressed to you.

“What…” you trail off, glancing down at the ripped fabric of his black tank top.

He’s got a mean cut on his ribs, and it’s only then that you truly realize that he’s badly injured. Because there’s more – one of his biceps has been sliced open too, though blood is barely oozing out of it in small rivulets. The blood on his cheek is from where you assume he’s been punched with rings, and there’s already an underlying bruise under his eye.

“Got beaten up,” he states the obvious, and you immediately open the door wider to let him in.

He limps in, heading towards the nearest booth, where he plops down and lets out a pained grunt. You make sure no one is outside before shutting the door and locking it, flipping the hanging sign on it so it says closed in case a patron decides to show up.

You take a few steps towards San, hands shaking slightly at your side. Because that’s a grown man, bleeding out on the leather seat of the booth, and his eyes are shut though he looks in pain. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do. You haven’t yet started your residency, haven’t really gone from theory to practice… Yet you’re studying to be a doctor, are you not?

“Why are you here?” you ask, though you’re pretty sure you know the answer.

“Didn’t know where else to go,” he says, wincing as one of his eyes opens. He tilts his head to look towards you. “Word around the block says…” he pauses, takes a deep breath before continuing, “that you’re studying to be a doctor”.

So you are right. He’s here because he needs your help, and you’re not quite sure how you feel about it.

“Why…” You look for words, and it takes you a moment to realize that it doesn’t matter.

For all the history between you and him, Choi San doesn’t deserve to bleed out to death on a cheap leather seat in a forgotten diner on the dangerous side of town.

He has the decency to chuckle at the start of your question, which only makes him wince in pain once again.

“Don’t move,” you tell him, and it’s a little stupid because clearly, he’s in no state to move.

He doesn’t question it, and you run to the kitchen to thoroughly wash your hands and grab the first aid kit. At night, no cooks stay around, and you usually only reheat food if needed, which doesn’t really happen. You haven’t had any client coming in at night in weeks… until San, that is. So no one is there to see what is going on, which you reckon is a relief. Because you have no idea what’s going on.

You return to the booth where San is waiting, patiently. He’s clearly wiped his hand on his face because there’s fresh blood on his forehead, and you almost balk at the sight of it.

“What have you done?” you mutter, more to yourself than to him.

It seems he’s still in sync with you because he still hears. “Got involved with the wrong crowd.”

You put the first aid kit down on the table, ignoring his eyes when they flutter open, and he rests his gaze on you.

“I don’t know if I can help you,” you say as you unzip the kit and throw it open. You spare his side a quick glance. “This looks like you’re going to need stitches.”

He makes an effort of looking down at himself, though it mostly fails as he doesn’t raise his head from the seat. “Right.”

You grab everything you think you might need – alcohol swabs to clean his skin, fresh linen to bandage his side and arm, and stuff for his cheek too. He carefully observes you, with that piercing gaze of his that used to make you go crazy inside when you were young and impressionable.

You vaguely motion at him, and he cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Are you able to sit up?” you ask. “I can’t reach you if you’re lying back like this.”

His pink tongue darts to wet his lips, and he nods curtly. “Let me…” he trails off, resting a bloody hand on the table while he grabs at the back of the booth to push himself up. It has new blood appearing on his side, and you quickly move towards him, putting some linen against it.

As if it’s going to do anything. He clearly needs stitches, and you’ve got nothing with you to stitch him up.

“Fuck,” he curses lowly as he’s finally sitting. You just keep the linen on his side, eyes a little wide.

Your gazes connect inevitably, and time slows. You think about how he used to smile, how his eyes used to hold a softness you haven’t had the chance to see again since he’s walked out of your life.

Or rather, since you kicked him out of your life.

“I don’t think I can help,” you whisper, and his eyes flicker to your lips.

“I can’t go to the hospital,” he admits, shame turning his features into a mask of regret. “They… If they find me, I’m dead.”

Dread fills every ounce of your being. “San, what have you been doing?”

He looks away from your insistent gaze, scoffing slightly. “You don’t want to know.”

He isn’t wrong; you genuinely don’t want to know. Because he means nothing good, even with all the memories you share with him.

“Is it going to put me in danger?” you ask, as he still obstinately avoids your gaze.

He seems to freeze in front of you, as if you’ve pressed pause to your favourite show. To avoid the awkwardness, you busy yourself with grabbing one of his hands so he can hold the linen in place before you start washing the cut on his arm. It’s not deep, but you’re pretty sure it’ll still leave a mean scar, especially considering he can���t go to the hospital.

The thought has a drop of cold sweat roll along your spine. People want him dead. People want Choi San, the man you know as a young, scared teenager just trying to find a way to make his life better, dead. You remember the innocence in his smile – has he smiled at all in the years apart?

“I should go,” he says flatly. He moves to stand, but you hold him down, two hands firmly placed on his shoulders. It makes him wince, and you quickly release your grip.

“Don’t,” you tell him. “Let me at least patch you up.”

His eyes shut again as his head hangs low. “I am so sorry.”

You don’t even know who he is apologizing to, or why he is. All you know is that it causes your heart to clench in your chest, stealing the breath from your lungs.

When you were younger, you believed San was your star-crossed lover. You believed your high school sweethearts romance would grow until you’d be old and grey and at the end of a very long road. You had dreamed of a future with him, the way only teenagers can dream – with no sense of reality. Because your reality had never been to end up by his side.

His choices had been proof enough of it.

You still remember the day you first kissed. Under an August meteor shower, with just the night sky as your witness. It had been hesitant, slow and soft, just like everything with San. And you had believed the lie, trusted it with every beat of your little heart, until your parents had found out the truth about him.

Until they had broken your heart, even before you had broken his.

If the stars had known then, what was going to happen to you and Choi San, would they still have shone through the night?

He lets out a pained sound as you gently dab at the cut on his bicep. You clean the skin around the wound in and of itself, and he watches you carefully, piercing gaze not missing how your face clouds with memories.

“How have you been doing?” he asks so softly you think his words are a gentle summer breeze on your features.

You can almost still smell the summer night air of that field where you had stargazed, where you’d always meet so long ago.

“I’ve been okay,” you answer, truthfully. Because even though you haven’t seen him, you have lived your life apart from him. Have evolved without him by your side. “Better than you, visibly.”

He didn’t expect the joke. It makes him snort, and then a soft smile grows on his lips, softening the edges of his hard features. “You haven’t changed.”

You have, and yet you haven’t. Like him, you think there’s a part of you that is still sixteen, and will forever be. A part of you that remained stuck in the moment when you watched him walk away in the rain, as if even the sky had to cry for his broken heart.

“Wish I could say the same about you,” you murmur, nostalgia a melancholic song in your words.

He chooses to remain silent, because the proof of how much he’s changed is sitting right in front of you, wounded and bleeding and hurt. The hurt is behind his eyes, in the shadows of the past that have also been obscuring your vision.

“Yeah,” he lets out, barely audible.

And then silence reigns between you, because as much as you once loved him, eight years have made you strangers. You don’t know anything about his life except the dirty, obvious darkness that surrounds him, and he doesn’t know anything except that you are studying to be a doctor…

Which leads you to wonder how does he know in the first place?

You ask him, as you’re wrapping the linen around his bicep to make a makeshift bandage. You’re proud of the result, though your fingers can’t resist but linger on the taut skin over his muscle, surprised at how soft it still is.

“I’ve heard you mention it,” he admits, as you take a step away to look at the material on the table, as if it’ll suddenly make stitches appear for you to put them in his skin. “One of the times I was here.”

“You never said hi,” you reproach him, unable to hide the ghost of a bite in your tone.

“Neither did you,” he points out, and he isn’t wrong.

All you can do is purse your lips as you finally decide to clean his skin. But for that, you have to rid him of his tank top, to make sure there’s no fabric in the wound. You look at him, cheeks somehow burning even though all you’re doing is taking care of a patient.

Though he’s not a patient, and you’re not in a hospital. You’re just a server at a dusty, old diner and he’s just your teenage lover, wounded by his dangerous actions.

“Should I grab scissors to remove your shirt?” you ask, though you’re speaking to yourself more than to him.

He still finds it in him to tease. “You want me out of my shirt?” he enquires, smirk gracing his lips again. “Say no more.”

He tries moving, but you hold up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” you warn. “You’ll make it bleed more.”

He purses his lips, because nodding. “Right.” He glances at the first aid kit, before his eyes trail to your face again. “You got scissors in that?”

There are. You grab them, before turning towards him. It feels strange: you’ve never undressed him before. You had always wanted to wait, back then, before you slept together. You believed you were too young, and San had always respected it.

“Let me know if I hurt you,” you tell him as you take a step closer to him.

He slightly leans back, furrowing his eyebrows. “What do you plan to do with those that might hurt?”

You roll your eyes, playfully, before taking the two other steps leading to right in front of his legs. You notice that they are slightly parted, allowing you to come closer, and you take a steadying breath before reaching between you, pulling at the fabric of his tank top.

“Stay still and you shouldn’t get hurt,” you whisper, ignoring the heaviness of his piercing gaze on you.

It burns right through you, and you have to tame the beats of your heart at the feeling of the warm skin of his shoulder against the back of your fingers as you bring your other hand forward, until you’ve started cutting his shirt.

It’s stuck to his side where blood has dried, and he winces but remains still and silent as you keep going, pulling on it a little harder to be able to cut. The moment stretches into infinity, because you can’t help but take your time. It reminds you of how you’d used to run your fingers on his back, under his shirt, when you napped in the field in the summertime. In an idyllic world where gangs and violence and war were mere inventions of the media, and not a reality that surrounded you.

You’d loved the field. The wildflowers, the open air, the way it was just you and him and a few lazy bumblebees as clouds lazily crossed the sky above. You were so young then, so innocent. Hands unstained from blood, from his blood.

Because as you cut, the hand touching his shirt stains with blood. You pale at the sight of it, but you keep going, pushing through until you’re done, gently pulling the fabric from his body until he’s sitting there, shirtless, with a long wound on his ribs.

You can’t help but notice his toned chest and the defined abs on his stomach. Though blood mars his skin, turning it into a piece of violence, Choi San is still beautiful. Beautiful in a dark, dangerous way that has you glance outside, making sure no one is looking.

But the streets are empty, void of life at this time of the night. At least, they mostly always are.

“You will need stitches,” you state again as if you both don’t know already.

“I can’t…”

An idea forms in your brain. It’s a stupid idea, and you don’t even know why it crosses your mind.

Your uncle has a hunting cabin far in the woods. He’s a nurse himself, and he’s always kept everything over there in case someone got injured and he had to stitch them up. You haven’t gone in forever, but you still remember the tall trees, the deep forest scent that reminds you of autumn and leaves and grey days spent reading by the fireplace.

You never went hunting, but you did accompany your father when he went, needing an escape from the city once in a while. An escape from a life that was slowly becoming too real.

Your uncle is currently halfway across the country, so you know you’d be alone at the cabin. You glance at your laptop over your shoulder – you have three days off in front of you before your next class on Monday. Indeed, the Friday class is pre-recorded and to watch online in your free time, and you figure you can always watch it some other time.

So you turn towards Choi San, almost surprised that he’s real and he’s still sitting in front of you, honey skin cut open on his ribs.

“I might know a place where you can go,” you admit, with a small voice, surprising both you and him. Because you doubt he expects you to want to help, after tonight.

“What?” he asks.

“My uncle’s cabin,” you remind him, because you’ve told him about it all those years ago. “He should have all that I need to stitch you up.”

San looks down at himself. “You’ve just cut my shirt open.”

It sounds a little dumbfounded, and you can’t help the nervous laugh that falls from your mouth. Because even though it doesn’t look too deep, the wound still is terrifying in and of itself.

“I’ll bandage it,” you whisper. “Before we go.”

He seems like he ponders for a time. You watch the debate across his features, his eyes falling to a spot on your chin. He looks sad, troubled and defeated. “I can’t… I can’t do this to you.”

You ignore his words, carefully washing his side. You avoid the cut and try to be as gentle as you can, but his muscles still flex as he clenches his fists from the pain.

He’s strong. That much hasn’t changed. Because he doesn’t make any sound as you finish washing him and then patch him up with those same careful hands. And when you move to his face, cleaning the blood, his eyes flutter shut, and he sighs softly.

He looks so much like he looked then that your heart aches, and you find yourself blinking away tears for this man who’s had it so rough he believed joining a gang would save him.

“I should have come to you before,” he murmurs. “You’re much gentler than Hongjoong.”

You don’t know the guy he mentioned, and you don’t feel like asking. Don’t feel like acknowledging his words, so you just finish with his cheek before stepping away from the peaceful aura that was treacherously pulling you in.

Like all those years ago, you reckon.

“Let me make a call,” you say, turning away from him as you move to the counter. You feel the weight of his eyes between your shoulder blades as you get your phone from next to your laptop. You call your boss, and as someone that’s never called in sick before, you feel anxiety flush through you.

Because you’re not sick. And how could you tell him that you need to take care of your ex-boyfriend of eight years ago?

Seokhyun picks up on the first ring, voice groggy with sleep when he mutters, “Hello?”

“Boss,” you greet him. You scrape your throat and spare a look towards San who’s watching you curiously. “An emergency came up, and I have to leave the diner.” You swallow the lump in your throat that’s formed from lying, and then you add, “There haven’t been any customers all night, so I was wondering… would you be comfortable with me closing for the rest of the night?”

Your boss says your name, a little reproachfully. But then he sighs, because he knows just as well as you what a good employee you’ve always been. “Are you going to be able to come in tomorrow night?” he asks.

You pull at dry skin on your bottom lip, assessing San’s state. You could always come back to the city for work…

“You know what, I know you’ve got that big exam coming up,” your boss says, sighing into the phone. “Why don’t you take the next week off so you can take care of your emergency and focus on your studies?”

If Seokhyun wasn’t a fifty-three year old married and father of three children man, you think you’d ask him to marry you right now.

“That would be really helpful,” you tell him, gratitude dripping from your voice. “Are you sure that won’t be a problem for the diner?”

“The diner won’t lose profit if it closes for three nights in the week,” he points out. “I’ll see if I can get you replaced for the evening shift on Sunday.”

You thank him again as he grumbles that it’s nothing. He wishes you good luck, and when the line goes silent, you finally meet San’s gaze again.

“All sorted out,” you tell him, offering him a nod. “Let me just close the diner, and then we can go.”

He nods, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He observes you as you do so, quickly closing the diner like you’ve done about a hundred times before, though this time you’re far more excited to go. You grab a plastic bag to put away the bloody swabs, and though he groans in pain, San gets up to help you clean the blood that stained the cheap leather of the booth.

Soon enough, you’re ready to go, and you walk outside with the plastic bag in one hand and your backpack on your shoulders as San chuckles, looking down at himself.

“Do you have a shirt for me?” he asks as he follows you out.

You lock the door behind you before glancing at him. He’s quite the sight, naked from the waist up and bandaged like he is, and you can’t help the small chuckle you let out as you glance towards your car, that’s luckily parked right in front.

Though it’s a deadbeat car, you trust it enough to know it’ll make the trip to your uncle’s cabin, even in the middle of the night.

“My ex left some sweaters on the back seat,” you admit as you unlock your car doors and open the trunk to put your backpack and the plastic bag in there. There’s no chance in hell you’ll leave a plastic bag full of bloody swabs near your work.

You see San nod from the periphery of your vision, and then he’s opening the door to the backseat. “Your ex, huh?” he mutters as he grabs a sweater you used to love wearing and that you haven’t convinced yourself to give back to Hyunmin.

He carefully puts it on, and you’re pretty sure just the motion is going to make blood seep through the bandage. Somehow, you don’t care that it might stain Hyunmin’s sweater.

Hyunmin was a cheater, and even though you never really loved him, it took you months before you found the strength to break up with him. Needless to say, he doesn’t deserve his clothes back.

“Yeah,” you flatly say as you move towards the driver’s seat. You sit, and San follows you, naturally, as if you’ve done it a thousand times before.

As you turn the keys in the engine, San asks, “Have you dated a lot?”

You bristle at the question, shooting him an embarrassed look. “Have you?”

“No,” he replies, features fully serious.

You purse your lips, focusing on the road as you start driving. You need to put gas in the car if you want to get to your uncle’s cabin, so you make your way towards the closest one. It takes you a moment before you register how San has stiffened next to you.

“Can we…” he trails off, and he sinks in the seat, trying to hide. “I can’t be seen here.”

You immediately press on the accelerator, and your car speeds down the street as you pass in front of the gas station. You glance at San only when you’re stopped at a red light. He’s pulled the hood of the sweater over his features, and he’s doing his best to hide.

“Where can we stop?” you ask.

“Next town over,” he answers. “I just can’t be seen in Bangtan territory.”

Right. You have no knowledge of how the gangs have divided your city, but you’re not surprised Bangtan has this part of town. It’s the industrial area, and you assume there’s a lot of money to be made around here.

“Sounds good,” you gently say, and then you’re driving again, the light turning green, allowing you to speed away into the night.

You drive silently all the way to the next town, watching your city disappear to be replaced by trees until buildings reappear. San is looking outside the window, and you can’t help but wonder how he’s been doing, truly. How he managed to get injured like he is right now, and mostly, if his dreams of running away still occupy his thoughts.

He had begged you, the evening you had broken up with him. Told you he’d make enough money to be able to move with you across the country and build yourself a nice little life over there. You had wanted to believe him for so long, until your parents had opened your eyes on just how he was trying to make money.

“Do you need anything?” you ask as you finally reach the gas station, pulling into the driveway. You park next to a pump, turning to face him only to find him already watching you.

“I don’t have money to pay for food,” he admits. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I lost my wallet in the… altercation.”

You gently put a hand on his forearm. “Hey, my treat. We have to eat.”

He inhales deeply, letting out the breath slowly, before he nods. “Alright. I owe you.”

You reckon he’ll owe you for a lot more than just food at a gas station, but you choose not to say it. Not when you feel like someone’s watching over your shoulder, watching you drive away in the night with the person they are looking for.

You know it’s paranoia. No one followed you out of the city and into this town. It just feels too strange to have him here, with you. In your car, on the way to your uncle’s cabin, as if eight years have gone out the window. As if you can still be young and innocent.

It’s stupid, because you can’t. Time has changed him; time has changed you. And in just a few years you’ll be a doctor, and you’ll finally get out of this hellhole of a city, of its dangerous streets.

Of its equally dangerous man, that you know could probably pull you back in with one of his many well-crafted lies, one of the dreams he weaved expertly, whispering it into your ear.

You take a deep breath before getting out of the car. You go into the station, grab snacks for the next few days and then head to the counter. The guy behind nods as you approach, and you pay for the food and for gas before wishing him a good night and returning outside. San is still squatting in the car, clearly trying to hide, and you put the food on the backseat before putting gas in.

You watch his profile as you put gas in the car. Back when you were dating, his features weren’t as sharp, as glass-cutting as they now are. He used to sport a rounder face, but today you wonder if you’d get a papercut on his jaw. You wouldn’t even be surprised.

When you’re done with gas, you sit back next to him, and you quickly bring the engine back to life before pulling out in the street. As soon as you exit the city, darkness falls on the two of you, tall trees standing on the two sides of the road again. San doesn’t speak much, and it doesn’t take you long to realize he’s dozing off next to you.

“Hey, everything okay?” you ask, suddenly worried that he might have lost too much blood. Which, you reckon, you should have thought about earlier.

He sighs, glancing towards you. “Just tired.”

“Don’t…” you trail off. “Don’t fall asleep.”

He chuckles. “You’re afraid I’m going to die on you?”

“Choi San,” you warn. “Don’t you dare say stuff like that.”

He smiles, but you reckon he’s a little pale. Or at least you think he is, in the silver light of the moon up above. “I think I’m fine. Just…” He offers you a weak smile, though you’ve returned your attention on the winding road. “Just exhausted. I haven’t slept in three days.”

Worry clutches your heart, and you nibble at some dry skin on your bottom lip. “What’s been going on?”

He slightly shrugs. “I can’t tell you. I don’t want to put you in danger…”

“Am I not already in danger by just helping you?”

The silence is telling enough. And it remains for a while until San finally speaks.

“I was in a gunfight a week ago. Accidentally shot the youngest member of the other gang. He didn’t make it, and the gang has put a bounty on my head. Ateez took my gun and told me to run; I laughed in their face and said I wasn’t a coward. Then I got attacked by two guys with knives earlier, and I made it to the diner because I had nowhere else to go.”

Now the silence is deafening, heavy, and you think you’ve altogether stopped breathing. You’re struck with an image of San in the summer sun, smiling wide as he put a flower behind your ear, claiming you were the most beautiful girl he had ever met. The contrast with who he is now – a product of night, shrouded in darkness with no hint of that smile on his lips – is stark. And you wonder when’s the last time he has seen the sun, when’s the last time his life wasn’t violence like this.

When you say nothing, he scoffs, resting his head against the window as if it’d allow him to escape. Because clearly he wants to escape – he’s just told you that he’s killed someone after all.

And you don’t know what to say. Don’t know how to react to someone confessing murder. All you can do is stare at the street ahead, hoping you won’t end up in a gunfight with San. Because where would that lead you, other than in the dramatics of death?

You don’t speak for the rest of the ride. You don’t think he sleeps either, and dawn is clinging to the far horizon when you get to your uncle’s cabin, in a secluded forest that seems straight out of a fairytale. Instead of bringing you awe like it usually does, the sight of it makes you think of all the murder mysteries you had been obsessed with when you were younger, before you realized how horrible the real world truly is.

Neither of you move, as you turn off the engine of the car, and you fall into even more of a tensed silence, though this time you can hear the chirping of the early birds. It’s peaceful, so peaceful you can barely even grasp how tangible the presence of San is next to you. The presence of his actions too, looming between the two of you like a sword of Damocles.

You move first. Putting a hand on the knob, hoping to escape the heaviness into the dawn. San speaks before you can though, and your heart stops in your chest.

“I never meant for him to get hurt,” he murmurs, and you think he’s speaking to himself more than to you. “Everything went too fast, my gun was in my hand and I just… in situations like these, you don’t have time to think.” He leans his head against the headrest, eyes closing. “All I can picture since it’s happened is him falling and blood. Like a fucking blossoming rose, all around him.” He rests his closed fist on his forehead, rubbing it hard. “I haven’t been able to sleep; I’ve been sick every time I’ve tried to eat…”

“San,” you interrupt as you break and break for him. Because this is the San you know. This is the young boy that just wanted to escape and live in a better world. You can almost taste his remorse, taste his regret and shame. It’s poisonous, treacherous, a slippery slope that can’t lead anywhere good. “Let’s get you in. I want to get that cut on your ribs checked.”

He falls silent, and for a moment you feel guilty. Because what if he had more to say? You don’t even think you would have been able to listen. You need the escape, and you know he’ll permit it. Because the man next to you is a broken man, a fracture of what he could have been.

You step out of the car, blinking away tears – from the anxiety, from the exhaustion, and perhaps even from the pain you feel for him. He follows you, wincing as he swings his legs out of the car. He stumbles a little as he stands, but soon enough, he grows steady on his feet, and his attention moves to you. You climb the stairs of the cabin, lifting the rug to find the small trap that leads to the spare key. The padlock is rusted, but it stands strong as you put in the code, and a click is heard when you pull on it.

A few seconds later, you’ve unlocked the front door, pushing it open to reveal the cabin as you remember it. Not a single item is out of place, though dust covers everything, a clear indication that no one has been here in years. You let San in, before going back to the car to get the food you bought, bringing it in and putting it in the fridge. Three full gas canisters hide under the counter, and you sigh in relief – you’ll be able to get the generator on for some electricity.

You motion to the kitchen table. “Have a seat,” you tell San, who somehow looks like a lost puppy. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”

He nods, remaining silent, eyes downcast. You only move when he’s seated, heading to the bathroom area of the cabin, where you startle a spider that almost makes you scream out loud. You keep it in, heart beating out of your chest as you get the kit before moving back into the main area.

San is leaning against the chair, eyes closed. He senses you approaching, and one of his eyes cracks open to watch you carefully, a little like he did earlier, at the diner. It looks so similar to how he used to look at you, when you joined him at the field, that you stop in your tracks, heart squeezing once again.

You don’t like the way Choi San is making you feel, that’s for sure.

“Take off the sweater,” you tell him, putting the kit down on the table. You put some clean linen next to it, to put what you need over it, before washing your hands with the disinfectant you find in the kit. You put latex gloves on after, and then you fish wire and a surgical needle from the first aid kit that you carefully put down on the linen once you’ve torn the packages open.

As you were doing all of that, San took off the shirt, struggling a little as it meant he had to lift his right arm, which pulled at the skin of his ribs, where the cut clearly has started bleeding again. Though, if you’re honest to yourself, you’re pretty sure he’s been bleeding this whole time, even though it probably was just some fine rivulets.

Indeed, the cut isn’t all that deep, you remind yourself. Mostly because you don’t want to even think about the consequences of the blood loss. As long as he stays awake, you figure he’s fine – he would have lost consciousness a while ago if he was losing a lot of blood.

You remove the bandage you had carefully put in place earlier, wincing at the sight of the blood that’s seeped through it. San keeps his eyes close, lets you clean his skin again in peace, and you feel sick to your stomach as you realize you don’t have any anesthetics for the pain that stitching him up will cause. Indeed, the pocket in which your uncle usually leaves the lidocaine is empty, and you remember that he’s had to use it for your dad when he accidentally cut himself with a machete last summer.

“Huh,” you let out. You chuckle nervously. “It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

His eyes narrow, and he clenches his jaw. “Don’t worry about it.”

You worry at your bottom lip, holding his gaze as you gauge if he’s serious. When his gaze doesn’t falter, you offer him a curt nod, before getting the wire and needle ready under his watchful eyes.

You hand him some linen. “To bite on,” you explain as he just cocks an eyebrow quizzically. That makes his gaze widen a little as if he’s just now realizing how serious you were about it hurting, but he takes it nonetheless.

You think about the theory of how to stitch someone up. It was in your previous block – you watched hours of videos of it in an attempt to desensitize yourself to it. You don’t think it compares to the real thing, but at least you’re somehow confident of what you’re doing when you start.

San startles, groaning in pain, and you offer him a glare. “Don’t move, or it’ll be worse.”

A drop of sweat rolls down his temple, but he still nods. Even as you keep on stitching him, he remains as still as he physically can, though you don’t think he even notices how he’s trembling. Or maybe that’s you – you don’t even know.

Somehow, you make it through the whole thing. You think San might have passed out at some point, but he’s wide awake when you finish the knot to keep the stitches in place, looking up to meet his face.

He’s panting and tears of pain wet his waterline. He blinks them away as he takes the linen out of his mouth, dropping it on the table.

“Fuck,” he curses.

“Let me…” you trail off, mind set on getting something to at least help him cool off, because he’s clearly been heating up.

You grab a washcloth and a small bucket, and head outside to walk down to the lake. You fill the bucket halfway, and take a few seconds to observe the calm surrounding you, hoping that it can ease the nerves rolling inside your heart like dark clouds do on the horizon whenever a storm is coming. You feel it in your bones – you have a murderer in your uncle’s cabin.

You have to keep that in mind. To not let Choi San in like you did when you were a young impressionable teenager.

You sigh, closing your eyes to breathe in the fresh morning air. The sun is peaking over the horizon now, and you bask in its hesitant rays for all of twenty seconds before you convince yourself to go back in. You’ve got a patient to take care of, after all.

San hasn’t moved an inch while you were outside. The only indication that he hasn’t died on you is the groan he lets out as you put the wet washcloth on his forehead. You tap his cheek gently, as if to say, ‘suck it up, I’m just trying to take care of you’.

Which is exactly what you’re doing, isn’t it?

You watch him carefully for a few seconds before tapping his shoulder this time around.

“There’s a bed,” you remind him. “You’d be better passing out in a bed.”

He groans again, cracking an eye open. “I’ve just been repeatedly poked with a needle,” he drawls. “Give me a second.”

It makes you laugh. Because of the nerves, maybe. You’re not quite sure. All you know is that you’re laughing, and San opens his second eye to look at you as if you’re crazy. And you laugh for longer than you should – you’re exhausted after all, especially considering you haven’t slept since yesterday morning. So far, adrenaline has been keeping you going, but you can tell you’re about to crash.

“Sorry,” you apologize once you calm down. “This has just been…”

“A lot,” San finishes for you. “I know.”

You nod once before glancing at the doorway to the bedroom. It has no door, as your uncle and your dad usually come here alone and they don’t mind sharing a bed. It makes you realize that you’ll have to share it with San, which you reckon you should have thought about before. Because there’s no way in hell you’ll share a bed with him, especially after he’s told you why he’s being hunted.

There’s always the option of going into town later today so you can get a sleeping bag and floor mat to sleep on. But you’re far too tired right now to even consider driving, so you motion to the bed once again.

“Stick to your side; I’ll stick to mine.”

He smirks though he’s extremely pale. A lot paler than he was before, and you swallow a sudden lump in your throat. Because what if he dies? What are you supposed to do with him if he dies?

“You’ll have to help me to get to the bed ‘cause I don’t think I can move,” he says once his smirk dies. He curses under his breath. “I’m so pathetic.”

You put your hand on his shoulder again, reassuringly, eyes holding his. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re hurt. Everyone is pathetic when they’re hurt.”

He gulps before nodding once. It takes everything in you not to offer him more comfort because you feel like the slope would tilt forwards far too much if you did. Instead, you help him to get up, wincing as he puts most of his weight on you, clutching his side with one hand. You’re infinitely aware of how his skin is sticky with sweat, but you ignore it as you slowly walk to the bedroom.

You can only hope the stitches will hold because you don’t think he’d be able to withstand another round of them.

You finally reach the bedroom and help San sit on the side of the bed. He sighs, eyes shut tightly, and he doesn’t move for a time. When he does, it’s to stiffly lie down on his side.

“You might want to sleep on your back,” you inform him. “I don’t want you rolling around and messing up the stitches.”

He glares at you, though he looks like he’s already half out of it. You hold his gaze until he gives in, turning on his back with a deep sigh. You arrange pillows around him to make sure he’s not moving, and by the time you’re done, his breathing has already evened out.

For a moment, you just watch him sleep. You see him in the field where young love blossomed like a trillion wildflowers. You can almost breathe his pollen again, can almost feel the softness of his skin under your fingertips.

But he’s not what he used to be. Back then, you felt like you had discovered something new. Love, infatuation, affection, and desire, all in the form of the man sleeping next to you. You’d used to kiss, dance and sing to a song only your souls knew, and now you don’t think you recognize him anymore.

As much as he is him, he’s also but just the ghost of what he was. He’s trouble, danger in the shape of innocence, and you recall his words from earlier. You recall the despair, the regret and sorrow that haunted him after he told you. You can’t let him get to your head.

You reckon sleep might help. Though you’re afraid he’s going to waste away in his sleep, so you set up an alarm every hour, before climbing on the other side of the bed. You don’t pull on the covers, mostly because the cabin is warm, and you can imagine it’s just going to get hotter as the sun goes up and the summer heat slowly sizzles into the countryside.

It’s a good thing you put an alarm on. Because when it rings an hour later, you don’t even remember falling asleep. You’re pretty sure the second your head touched the mattress, you were out to the land of dreams. You groan, mostly because you’ve got a slight headache, but you power through it to make sure San is still breathing.

When you see his chest moving up and down steadily, you let yourself fall back asleep.

This goes on for the whole morning, and you only force yourself to stay up when your phone shows that it’s passed noon. As you had suspected earlier, the cabin has gotten extremely warm, so you force yourself out of bed to open all the windows, and then you use the washcloth from earlier to gently wash San’s face of the sweat.

He doesn’t even flinch in his sleep, but he’s still breathing and for now, that’s all that matters.

You head back to the main room, grabbing a pack of chips from where you had left the food earlier, and then you move outside to sit by the lake. Mostly because you need to put distance between you and San, but also just because the childhood memories of this place have you in their hold, and they’ve decided to make you miss the times when you’d swim around with your cousins before both of them had moved out of town.

One day, it’s going to be you too. You already know where you’d go – on the other side of the country, as far away from here as possible. You just want to forget all about the place you grew up in, and you know that, in a few years, you will have forgotten.

Though you’re pretty sure a certain piercing gaze will haunt you forever, especially after the events of today.

When another hour passes, you head back inside, putting the empty bag of chips in the trash before you check up on San. He’s still asleep, but this time he doesn’t look as pale as he did earlier. You assume it’s going to take him a while before he wakes, so you head to the nearest town to grab more food. Mostly to busy yourself, but also just because you know San will need a place to hide for a lot longer than just the weekend. Might as well make sure you have enough for him to survive a couple of days. In town, you also stop to eat at a small café on a small terrasse in the shade of a few trees, and then you grab the food you think you might need at the grocery store.

It’s the middle of the afternoon when you get back, realizing that you forgot to buy a floor mat. As you spy San, who hasn’t moved an inch since he’s fallen asleep, you figure that sleeping next to him tonight should be fine.

As long as his presence in your vicinity doesn’t drag you down memory lane again.

You bought some meat in town, so you head to the little shack outside where the generator is hiding. There’s a gas canister right next to it – also full – and you busy yourself for the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to get it started. When it finally rumbles to life, you head back inside to put the meat in the fridge, which has finally come to life.

When you hear a groan, you quickly jog to San’s side, fully expecting to find him awake. Surprisingly, he’s still asleep, and you stay next to him for a full minute, thinking he might groan again, though he remains entirely silent.

If it wasn’t for his chest moving up and down steadily, you’d believe him to be dead. But now that a few hours have passed, you’re pretty positive he’ll make it, though he’s probably going to sleep through the day and possibly through the next one too.

Which leaves you in the most peaceful atmosphere you’ve been in for a while, with the opportunity to study as you listen to the rush of wind in the leaves of the tall trees surrounding the cabin. You sit outside, this time near the fireplace, and you study until your stomach grumbles, indicating that it is time for you to cook.

You cook the meat you’ve bought on the grill outside, feeling thankful that your dad once showed you how to use it. You go back in to grab a bottle of water before you eat, and you’re bent in the fridge when you hear San moan again, and this time it sounds like he’s saying something.

You gently close the fridge, making your way to the bedroom. San hasn’t moved, but his features are creased in a frown, and sweat is rolling down his temples. You wet the washcloth, gently wipe his face, and you’re about to leave when he moans again.

It takes you far too long to realize he’s apologizing. What for, you can’t really tell. Though you remember his troubled eyes this morning, you remember his story, and your heart breaks in your chest.

He’s haunted. You think the ghost of the dead guy will probably haunt him for the rest of his life. And suddenly you’re struck thinking maybe, maybe if you hadn’t broken his heart all those years ago, you could have saved him from the gang.

Maybe you could have opened his eyes.

You still remember the break-up like it was yesterday. You remember the rain, him leaving without once looking back, but mostly you remember the words you had uttered. Ghosts of their own, that feel more real now that he’s come back into your life.

*****

                “You’re going to get hurt!” you yelled. “You’ll get hurt, San. What are you thinking?”

He scoffed, shaking his head, and little droplets of water shot all around him. “I’ll be careful. We need the money if we ever want to make it out of this shit town.”

You blinked away tears, folding your arms on your chest as you tried to keep your heart from breaking. Though you reckoned it had broken when your parents had told you what they knew about San. When your father had mentioned Ateez, and you’d truly realized what it meant that he was part of a gang. San, your sweet, soft, and bubbly San, in a gang that had murdered someone just a few weeks ago.

“But that’s not a way to make money!” you screamed, hoping he’d understand. Hoping he’d hear the truth in your words, hoping he’d change his mind before it was too late. “Why don’t you get a part-time job, like me? Then we can go to college and get jobs in a nice city on the other side of the country!”

“It won’t work,” he drawled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I want to be out soon, not in a few years. I barely even have a roof over my head, Y/n…”

“Come live with me,” you choked out around the lump in your throat.

You both knew fully well that your parents would never let him come near you again.

“I can’t.”

You cried, hiding your face in your hands. You cried thinking of the field where you usually met, thinking about its beauty now fading into ugliness. You thought about the wildflowers, withered and dead as autumn had come. You thought about how you were convinced you knew what love was.

“What’s the point?” you asked then. “What’s the point of putting your life in danger? Life isn’t some sort of a game, Choi San. Worse, what if you have to hurt someone? Do you think you’ll be able to pull the trigger?”

He clenched his jaw, hard. “Do me a favour and stop asking questions.”

You closed your eyes, feeling sick to your stomach. Because it couldn’t be. Not San. Not your smiley San, who’d always weave dandelions crowns with you, as you’d pretend you were a queen and a king of that field you had found. An empty field, an abandoned farmland that was just yours and his to explore. That had been home to your first kiss, and all of those that had followed.

Now you wondered why he had always wanted to meet there in the first place. Was he trying to hide?

"If you love me, you’ll get out while you still can,” you said as your tears suddenly ended.

There was a weird sense of clarity in you, suddenly. You remembered the day you had fallen in love, the moment you had first kissed. You remembered the stars in the sky above, the meteors falling for the two of you. You remembered the music on the radio you had brought. Some Arctic Monkeys song about heartbreak, about moving on and failing to do so. As a joke, when it had ended, you had asked San, “Do you think love is a laserquest?”

His answer had been cryptic, mysterious, things that had made you believe he was the one. “Maybe. Maybe it is, and I’ve shot you in the back while you weren’t looking. Maybe I’m that annoying player that won’t leave you alone.”

“I’ll never find you annoying,” you had replied.

But today, watching the rain rolling down his face like tears, you realized that maybe, maybe you should have seen the warning behind his words. Because this betrayal, it came like he had shot you in the back – you didn’t think you’d be able to recover from it.

The past dwindled away as San spoke again, reminding you of the question you had just asked him. “It’s not a question of love, Y/n. I do love you. But it’s a question of survival.”

You laughed, coldly, and then you said, “You know what? You’re full of shit.”

“Alright then. Do me a favour and tell me to go away.”

“Go away.”

A long silence had lingered between you, voided of that summer warmth that had you falling in love. Like a piece was missing from the contract of you loving him, and him loving you. And you realized, maybe you had never really loved each other anyway.

He nodded once when you didn’t say anything else, before turning away. And you watched him walk away. You watched him thinking he was going to turn around and tell you this was just some twisted joke, the prank of the century. Only, he never turned around, and he disappeared behind the bend in the road, never to be seen again, cracking your heart open and splitting it in half.

*****

                The sun sets, like an ending to a dream. You’ve always liked the end – you think if you could choose, you’d want to witness the end of the world. The nostalgia, the beauty of endings… it’s something you understand now that you didn’t understand when you were younger. Because you and San ending, it had led to you focusing on high school. It had allowed you to get in the good college in town, with a scholarship that covered most of your expenses before you made it to med school.

There’s beauty in knowing losing San has allowed you to live out your dreams.

There’s less beauty in knowing that San has been sleeping for almost thirty-four hours now. Last time you checked, he was still breathing, but you’re starting to be afraid that he just won’t wake up. It’s irrational, you know – after the blood loss it makes sense that he’d sleep for a long time.

But it leaves you with far too much time on your hands to think and revisit the past. You’ve been doing it all day – thinking about the fight with your parents that had led to your break-up with San, thinking about that damn rainy evening he had walked away without once looking back. Thinking of the field, of sunshine and star falls and the sweetness of a first kiss. Thinking that, then, you thought you knew what it was like to be in love.

You haven’t dated anyone serious since San. Hyunmin was a distraction for a while, but you never were into it. Not like you were into San. There’s a guy in your class though, that you’ve been chatting with for a couple of weeks. He’s sweet, innocent, and the perspective of a future seems less scary with him around. He’s mentioned he wants to move across the country once too, and since then you’ve started talking more, the similarity of your wishes drawing you closer.

All day today you’ve been feeling like you’re slowly drifting away though. Slowly getting entrapped in a web you’re not sure you’ll be able to walk away from.

You decide to swim, seeking the fresh clarity only cold water can bring to you. You don’t have a swimsuit with you, but since San is half-dead in bed you figure it doesn’t matter. So you strip naked, feet making squelching sounds in the mud by the lake side as you step in the water.

The sharp cold has you holding your breath, but you don’t slow down. You’ve never slowed down in life – when you make a decision, you bring it to completion. And you’ve decided to swim, so swim you will.

The warm summer evening breeze catches in your hair as you take another step forward, the water now lapping at your thighs. You dread the moment it’ll hit your core, knowing that that’s the worst part, but you breathe in deeply, moving forward. Because there’s no moving backwards now.

When the water hits, your eyes flutter shut, and you hold in the wince that threatens to escape the mask of calm your features hold. Soon enough, you get deep enough to swim, and the movements bring welcomed warmth to your limbs as you flop on your back, tits out of the water.

Your uncle’s cabin is the only cabin in a fifteen miles radius. You know you won’t be interrupted, and so you let the water cool you down. Calm you down, hold you in its fresh embrace. It undoes knots in your back that have formed from worrying about San, but also from worrying about college.

From worrying that you will never be enough. You think it’s a normal anxiety to have, something most people must feel as they go through the trials of college, not knowing what to expect on the other side. A nice career, perhaps, though the perspective of failure is there too, looming over the horizon.

You sigh, and your eyes flutter open as your legs move mindlessly under you, making sure to keep you afloat. You look up at the azury ceiling over your head, so far away as it slowly turns gold. Out of touch, out of grasp. You watch the fluffy white clouds that are lazily crossing the sky, turning fiery in the sunset, as if they have all the time in the universe. And you wish you were them, up above. With nothing to worry about.

Without a Choi San on the brink of death lying about twenty meters away from you. You sigh, and you turn in the water, with the purpose of swimming again. Though your gaze catches movement by the cabin, and your head snaps towards it to see none other than the supposedly Choi San, standing on the deck with a hand clutching his side.

You shriek, looking down at yourself. Most of you is hidden, but you don’t know how long he’s been there. Don’t know if he’s seen you naked as you looked up at the sky.

He doesn’t move, only watches you where you’re swimming.

“Can you please look away?” you say from the water, and he has the nerves to lean against the railing, eyes still boring into where you’re swimming. You think his gaze might be so hot the water will boil, and it startles you into action.

You start walking out of the water, pointing towards the door. “You shouldn’t be up, Choi San.”

“I feel fine,” he says as you take another step forward, and the water barely hides your tits anymore.

That makes him turn around, as he offers you a little bit of privacy. You’re quick to get out of the water and wrap yourself in the towel you brought outside, and then you collect your clothes to head back to the cabin. San dutifully keeps his gaze away until you’re climbing the three steps leading to the deck, and it’s then that his eyes trail to you again.

“Thank you for the water,” he says, offering you a tentative smile.

You left water by his bedside earlier today hoping it will coax him to wake up. You’re strangely surprised that it worked.

“You should go sit inside,” you scold him, only half-heartedly. Because seeing him up and about reassures you, somehow.

He cocks an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “The weather is beautiful, I’d rather sit outside.”

You roll your eyes, but you do let him walk down the stairs to sit by the fireplace while you go inside to take a quick shower and get dressed. You decide to make some food for him, though you know he shouldn’t eat too much right now, after not having eaten for a while. He has to start slowly, and you don’t even know if he’s hungry anyway.

You settle for preparing a cup of chicken noodle soup for him, so at least it isn’t too heavy on his stomach. You bring it to him outside, as he’s just calmly observing the lake.

“Thank you,” he says, voice small as he grabs the cup and the spoon.

You sit next to him, trying not to watch him eat too much. His hair is sticking to his forehead in some places, and you have the distinct thought that he’ll probably need to shower. At least there’s plenty of rain water in the bucket for the water pump.

“What have you been doing while I was out?” he asks.

You spare him a quick glance before losing your gaze in the rocks of the fireplace. “I’ve studied. Checked up on you. Not much honestly.”

He chuckles. “I’d argue that caring for someone is a lot.”

You glance at him, cheeks burning at the sight of his teasing smile. “Not really.”

He chuckles again, but doesn’t say anything more before eating another spoonful of soup. He’s almost done with the cup when he actually does speak, asking, “How long was I out?”

“A day and a half,” you answer. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t slept longer.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice when he says, “I’m made of tough stuff.”

You snicker, but you don’t say anything, just focusing on where you’re kicking at the dirt. When he’s done with the cup, he puts it down on the ground next to him, before sitting back in the chair. He stretches out his legs in front of him, sighing deeply.

“I still feel out of it,” he admits, and you meet his gaze.

“You can sleep more,” you tell him. “I’d just like to check on the…”

You don’t even have to finish your sentence. He immediately turns so his side is to you, and you have to admit you’ve done a perfectly good job with the stitches.

“So?” he asks.

“All good.” You pat his shoulder. “You can sit comfortably again.”

He’s smiling when he does so, and his gaze wanders to the lake once again. “I’m sorry I…” he trails off, and he chuckles softly. “I’m sorry I interrupted your little swim earlier.”

You have the decency to flush furiously red, and you shrug your shoulders. “No worries, I wasn’t expecting you to be up so soon.”

You fall in a comfortable silence, surprisingly so. Rare stars dot the darkening sky up above, and all that can be heard for a moment is the flap of a bird’s wing as it moves from branches to branches in the trees by the water. The breeze picks up as you watch the little bird, and the leaves dance, loudly so. You’d think it’d be deafening in the silence between you and him, but it’s strangely reassuring.

As if, after all, you found your way back to the field. Only this time it’s completely different, as if decades have passed between you. At least, that’s how it feels like.

You notice San has dozed off in the chair next to you when you were about to speak to him again. To ask him how he’s truly been, in the years between then and now. Hoping to avoid mentioning what led to him coming to you, yesterday, a whole eternity ago.

You watch him, heart aching in your chest. Aching to reach out and brush his hair away from his forehead, aching to heal the cut on his cheek with a gentle swipe of your fingers. If only medicine was so simple…

It seems the peace of the early evening wasn’t going to stay around, because you notice dark clouds rolling in the distance, streaks of lightning cutting through them. Slowly inching closer, menacingly so, and you gently wake San up with your hand on his wrist.

He startles awake, hand shooting to his waist, finding nothing there. It startles you, and you both stare at each other for a moment until you realize what he was looking for.

His gun.

“San…” you let out and he runs his hand through his hair, eyes falling shut as he breathes in and out raggedly.

“Sorry.”

“San, I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t open his eyes, refuses to let you see the vulnerability you glimpsed behind his piercing gaze. Refuses to acknowledge that he’s terrified, deadly so.

“Let’s go in,” you tell him, softly. Because you’re afraid you’ll spook him, when he’s clearly been living in fear long enough. “There’s a storm coming.”

He nods, carefully getting up without sparing you a glance. He heads inside, hand clutching his side again, while you pick up the chicken noodle soup cup before following him.

You’ve refilled the generator before swimming, so you know it’s been charging the batteries for a while now. You don’t fear ending up in the dark with San, and there’s also always the option of using the lamps and candles your uncle always leave here in case of an emergency.

The storm doesn’t roll in until a little later. You’ve forced San to put a shirt on – mostly so your eyes would stop betraying you, dropping to his toned body whenever he talked to you. You’re currently sitting on the couch, and as the rain starts, hammering against the window behind you, you pull your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms comfortably around them.

“How hard do the storms hit here?” he asks, eyes trailed to the world outside.

You follow his gaze, right as wind picks up to make the water hit the window even harder, creating a cacophony that forces you to speak louder for him to hear. “Pretty hard.”

He nods, and he glances once at you. “Fun.”

You smile, because you’ve always liked storms. Have always found them electrifying, energizing.

“Do you remember when we used to go to the field when it rained?” San asks, taking you by surprise.

Making your heart clench so hard in your chest you have to take a wobbly breath in. If he notices he doesn’t say.

“We were always in that field,” you remind him. “No matter the weather.”

It’s his turn to smile fondly. “It got so pretty with all the wildflowers. But you were afraid of the bees.”

“Bees are scary!” You laugh, and he echoes it with a soft chuckle. “You’re the one that almost pissed yourself when we saw the rat.”

That makes him laugh, and he winces in pain clutching his side. “Gosh, is it supposed to keep on hurting like this?”

It douses your enthusiasm and your smile falls. “Well, it was a solid cut.”

His eyes get lost in the void as he takes on a wistful expression. “I’m surprised I didn’t die.”

You gulp, watching his profile carefully. “It wasn’t deep enough for that…” you trail off, even though you spent most of yesterday and today being convinced he’d die. “At least they didn’t… stab you.”

“They would have if… Wooyoung didn’t shoot.”

You remain silent, not knowing what to reply to that. San interprets that as discomfort, and he quickly adds, “He didn’t shoot them. Just… in the air. It attracted the police.”

You remember the cars zooming past the diner a lifetime ago, and you nod your head. “I heard.”

He seems surprised, and his gaze finally finds yours again. “You did?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle, a little awkwardly. “I hear a lot of shootings, in the diner.”

His eyes widen, mouth falling open cutely. “You do?”

You don’t know what he expected. The diner is right between Ateez and Bangtan territory, and as much as it is a safe space, it is also near enough to dangerous grounds, and you’ve heard plenty of shooting in your time working there.

“Always,” you admit. “It can get scary sometimes… but you also get used to it.”

He looks sad. Infinitely so, like a lost puppy. That’s when the first thunder hits, so sharp and sudden you startle. Not quite as much as San, who ducks, wincing in pain as he clutches his side.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” you ask, in time with another thunderclap, though this time it’s more of a rumble.

You watch his chest as he breathes in and out quickly. “Just… fuck.”

Now, concern grows in you, and you gently put a hand on his shoulder. “San…”

He meets your gaze, and there’s so much white in his it makes you think of a terrified prey. And then it clicks: he thought it was a gunshot.

“Hey,” you quickly say, moving closer to him. You’re on the side of the stitches, so you still keep a safe distance between the two of you, but you grab his hand nonetheless. “You’re okay.”

“Fuck,” is all he’s able to say.

“I promise, no one’s going to find you here.”

He remains silent this time around, eyes still boring into yours. You take that as a cue to continue, because you don’t want him to panic. You want his thoughts here, with you, and not miles away in a city he should have escaped from years ago. You wish he had, knowing the atrocities that he would have avoided.

Would he have escaped with you, had you stayed just a little longer?

“I killed someone,” he says, and you balk at the silver lining his gaze. “I fucking killed him.”

You don’t know how to help. All you can think to do is cup his cheek, right as he starts breathing even faster. “Breathe with me, San.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes fall to your mouth. You make a good show of inhaling slowly, before exhaling even slower. It takes him a moment but he eventually follows your lead.

It breaks when there’s another sharp thunderclap, and he flinches, eyes shutting instinctively.

“Hey hey hey,” you say again, even more gentle, softer than before. You move even closer, and when a tear slips out of his closed eyes, you pull him into a hug, careful not to brush his side.

His head falls on your shoulder, and one of his arms wrap around your waist. A thunderclap later, he starts sobbing, fist balling the fabric of your shirt in his tight hold, and you let him do it. You let him hold onto you, hoping it’ll keep him here with you. Hoping it’ll keep him afloat during the storm that’s raging both outside and in his mind.

“It’s going to be okay,” you breathe, and you feel like you’re lying to him.

Because how can he ever be safe from the ghosts inside of his skull? The ghosts wandering the halls of him, tainting his soul with their presence?

“He’s never going to smile again,” San chokes out. “Everyone loved him. Even in Ateez… Jungkook was the best of us. The only one who had a shot at getting out of it.”

You don’t know how good he could have been, if he was a member of Bangtan. In your mind, you’d always seen Bangtan as the bad guys, mostly because they weren’t with San. Even when you had been struggling to evade that life, you’d still rooted for him.

It’s strange how you just realize that now, as you’re holding him while he breaks.

“You didn’t mean to kill him,” you remind San, still speaking with the calmest voice you can muster up. “You didn’t want to, San. You’re not a murderer.”

“I’m still a killer,” he says. He sounds angry, and you reckon he might be angry at himself. Might be consumed with his actions, dragged to hell before his time as his mind gets stuck replaying the events.

“Maybe,” you answer. “But,” you quickly add when he stiffens in your arms. “But you can spend the rest of your life making up for it. Repenting.”

He doesn’t respond right away, as he breaks some more, sobs rocking through him. You’ve never seen him like this, not even when you were younger and in love. It makes your gaze wet, yet you hold on strong for him. You keep your head held high, and you allow him to break in the safe haven that your arms represent.

Because to him, you’ve never been tainted. You’ve always been the ideal he was trying to pursue, albeit the wrong way.

“I don’t know how to repent,” he admits when he calms down. He turns his head, and his nose brushes along the skin of your neck, slightly tickling you. You ignore the feeling, especially as he adds, “Ateez… it’s all I’ve ever known.”

You run a hand on his back, soothingly. “It isn’t.”

Because there was you, too. There was the summer field and the twinkling stars and Artic Monkeys on the radio. There was the two of you, petal-soft kisses exchanged in the dead of night and in the brightness of day. There were rainy days, and then there was rain. There was him walking away, and you hate yourself then.

You wish you had stopped him that day, had kept him from going on to become what he’s become now. A person he clearly hates, someone that has a bounty on his head. Someone that doesn’t even believe they’re allowed redemption and you reckon you don’t even know if he is.

You only know that seeing him break is bending your will, the way the wind outside is bending the trees. All you can hope is that, like the tall trees, you won’t break.

*****

                The storm calmed down sometime around midnight. San ended up falling asleep on the couch, as you’d reassuringly ran your hand through his hair, trying to keep him with you. Though you think he’s been slipping through your fingers, into his demons.

You’ll find a way to bring him back. You have to. Turns out it comes faster than you think, as the electricity runs out and you busy yourself with lighting some candles throughout the main room. When you’re done, you put a blanket over him, and you almost let out a startled scream as his eyes shot open.

“Hello,” you say, resting a hand on your heart to tame the wild beats.

You’re about to move away, but he grabs your hand, forcing you to sit next to him. You don’t really resist, though you think you probably should. You’re weak – weaker still when he murmurs your name.

“San,” you whisper in return, and you’re aware your voice carries too much longing. Longing for a past when life’s atrocities hadn’t changed either of you yet.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, and a tear rolls on his cheek.

You dry it, fingers lingering there. “It’s okay.”

“Angel…”

The nickname brings you back to laser quests and favours and warmth creeping up your stomach for the first time in your life.

“I’m no angel,” you breathe.

“You saved me.”

You hold his gaze. There’s something hiding behind his pupils. The need, to forget. You don’t think you have the ability to run his mind through amnesia, but still you brush his cheek again.

“You deserved saving.”

His eyes glaze once more, though this time no tears fall. “It’s hard to believe it.”

“Do you still believe love is a laser quest?” you ask him, out of the blue.

As if you’re a line straight of that Arctic Monkeys song you listened to the first time you kissed.

“Maybe,” he says, a parallel to that first time you had asked the question. “Maybe it is.”

You can’t resist. You lean down, and you press the gentlest kiss on his lips. His are dry, but the way he sighs with you against him is soft, for your heart and for your mind, and you kiss him again. He lets you lead, follows the dance of your lips, lets you run your hand through his sweaty hair.

Even if you shouldn’t. Even if you know everything you’re doing right now is a mistake, you still find yourself deepening the kiss, opening your lips to slip your tongue out, teasing his mouth. One of his hands finds your thigh, and he squeezes ever so slightly as his tongue finds yours, and you let out a breathy sound.

When you pull away, eyes fluttering open, you find San’s gaze. You think about the boy he was then, the girl you were then. You think about who you were, together. And when he says, “Please make me forget”, you lean again, capturing his mouth in a languid kiss.

For a reason unknown, the summer sky and falling stars pale in comparison to this kiss. Maybe because it holds longing, nostalgia. Hope that life would have turned out differently. For a moment, you picture what it would have been like, without Ateez. With you and him in the field, in your family house, in a car driving by the beach, windows down as the sun sets and you sing along to the radio, wind blowing in your hair.

You see a whole life there, with you and him marrying in the field, under the sun that had been the host of your first love. You imagine growing up by his side, attending college with him in the big city. You imagine how he would have become the owner of his own construction company, like his dad before him. You picture kids laughing, running around the house he would have built for you. You see Christmas light, late nights antics by the firelight.

You see it all, and you know you’ll never have any of it. But if you can have tonight, then you’ll grab it before it slips through your fingers. Before he walks away in the rain again, only to be a memory you cherish in the deepest corners of your heart.

“How?” you ask him when you pull away.

Mostly, you’re asking how to make him forget. But you’re also asking how it is that the feelings are still there, even stronger now, as if they’ve grown up with you, yet haven’t changed like you have. Like they are a constant of an ever-changing universe.

“Kiss me again,” he asks, begs, and you give in. You kiss him wildly, always making sure not to touch his side and the stitches.

You know sex would be a stupid idea, especially with the fresh stitches. But also because he’s barely had time to recover. But he doesn’t really give you a choice, pulling you on top of him until you’re straddling him.

You sit back on him for a second, eyes trailing to the spot where you know the stitches are. “This isn’t a good idea,” you whisper through the ragged breaths caused by the ministrations of his mouth on yours and of yours on his.

“I’m fine,” he says, and you know you shouldn’t believe him. But when he pulls you down again, large hand holding the nape of your neck firmly so you don’t escape, you want to believe him.

Want to believe the beauty of his lies, like you had when you were younger.

From where you’re perched, you can feel the start of his erection pressing against you, and you moan softly in the kiss, rolling your hips. His mouth falls open, and you capture his tongue, sucking on it once before you pull away, leaving hot kisses on his jaw.

“Sit on my face,” he says, and he sounds out of his mind. Crazed, a little like you too feel at the moment.

“What?”

“Can’t get hurt if you sit on my face, angel,” he explains, and then hisses when you suck a hickey on his neck.

You let him pull your shirt off, unclasping your bra yourself as you sit back on his lap. He cups your breasts, rolling your erect nipples between his thumbs and indexes. You moan again, grinding your hips into his, and he hisses once more.

“You want to taste me?” you ask, head throwing back as he pinches your nipples hard.

“I’d fuck you, but you’re the doctor. Can’t risk fucking up my stitches, huh?” he replies, voice low and husky.

Your core heats up, pussy clenching around nothing. This is a side of him you’ve never seen, though you spy desperation beneath it. Like he thinks he doesn’t have forever, when it comes to you.

He’s right. Because tomorrow, you’ll have to go back into town, into the hellscape you call home. What will be left of the two of you then?

So when he tugs at your pants, you give in and get up, taking off your pants and panties in one swift motion. You step out of them, blood heating up by the way he’s looking at you through half-lidded eyes, gaze burning on you.

You have half a thought that you could probably ride him instead of his face, but when you see his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips, making them glisten in the candlelight, you need to know what it’ll feel like against you.

So you straddle his face as he guides you down, large hands pushing on your thighs until your pussy is a hairsbreadth away from his lips. He blows on it, and your eyes shut with sensitivity. You clutch the cushion of the couch, hoping it’ll help steady you, but the moment his tongue flicks at your clit, you realize nothing will be able to steady you. Yet you still hold onto it, especially as he dives his tongue between your folds, lapping up your juice. He moans in contentment, before moving to your clit again. And his tongue is wicked down there, like it knows exactly what you like.

You grab a handful of his hair, grinding into his face. You’re pretty sure he’s chuckling down there, and then he unleashes himself. Sucking hard, alternating circling motions to teasing you with his teeth. You’d expect the latter to hurt, but the way he does it just makes you see stars, and your pussy clenches around nothing again.

San is deadly good with his mouth. Both with crafting lies and pulling moans out of you, and your thighs tighten against his face as he sucks particularly hard, before dipping his tongue inside of you. His nose brushes your clit, and then he forces you to properly sit on him.

The way his tongue moves inside of you, lapping up your juices while opening you up, has you on the brink of an orgasm in no time. Especially as he makes you grind again, holding you tight into place. When one of his hands moves from around your thigh to reach your clit, you cry out, head throwing back.

He’s quick to rub at your sensitive clit, and you grab one of your breasts, massaging it mindlessly before you pinch your nipple, hard, right in time with a skilled swipe of his tongue. Your orgasm meets you there, shaking through you as it explodes in a blinding flash of light. You moan, loudly, something that resembles his name, and he keeps you going, guides you through your high until you cringe with oversensitivity.

Only then does he let you climb off from his face. You stand on wobbly legs, before deciding to sit next to him, and you catch sight of the smirk on his lips. It makes you blush, right as you realize what you’ve just done.

When you realize what kind of sinful activity he’s dragged you in, this time around.

“Gosh,” is all you manage to say.

He chuckles, clearly proud with himself. “That felt good?”

You worry at your bottom lip, eyes going down to the tent in his pants. You want to pleasure him too, to take him in your mouth and make him feel good, but he stops you with a hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Don’t.”

You still and you meet his gaze with slightly-widened eyes. “Why not?”

His features turn somber, haunted, and the heat of the moment passes so quickly you think it might have been a figment of your imagination.

Were you really riding his face just a moment ago?

“Please just lay next to me,” he says, barely even a whisper.

You don’t know a lot of men that would choose cuddling over getting a blowjob, but if that is what he wants, then you’ll give it to him. You lay next to him, glad that the injured side is closer to the couch. That way, you can cuddle up to him, resting your head on his shoulder while he wraps an arm around you.

“Angel,” he murmurs after a time. “You’re a fucking angel. I think you’re my salvation.”

You highly doubt you hold this kind of power, but you don’t want to tell him. Have never been good at weaving beautiful lies for him to believe.

“We should stay here,” he continues. “Forever.”

And you wish you could. Wish reality didn’t exist, didn’t call for you to go back to your regular life like you’ve never been here with him. But you know tomorrow exists, and you’ll have to leave.

“We should have stayed in the field,” you choose to answer. “Under the shooting stars.”

“I wished for a lifetime with you, then,” he admits. “I wished I’d never have to let you go.”

You’d wished for a similar thing, but life is far too cruel to allow a world of first loves.

“Why did you…” you trail off. The question has haunted your sleepless nights for a long time after the break-up. Even years later, you’d still think about it sometimes, wondering if nostalgia would choke you up. “Why did you decide to join the gang?”

He tenses next to you. But you start tracing a mindless circle on his chest, through the shirt, and it distracts him enough for him to reply. “I thought I didn’t have a choice.”

“Did you?”

His voice holds the weight of the world when he says, “I did. And I made the wrong one.”

You want to cry, but you’re older now. You’re not the teenager who thought she was going to die from losing him anymore. You know what living without Choi San is like, and as much as it hurts, you know that it’s doable.

“You made the one you believed was right,” you say carefully. “But I do wish you had made a different one.”

He holds you a little tighter, as if that will make it so tomorrow never comes. “Me too.”

There’s an eternity of flickering candlelight on the ceiling, of the circles you trace on his chest and of your breathings forming a melody. Outside, the wind has died down, and the world is silent except from an occasional cricket braving the world after the storm.

“Where will you go, once you graduate?” he asks, taking you by surprise.

Because he knows. It’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed.

“As far away from here as I can.”

“I hope you find peace, wherever you go,” he whispers. “I hope you forget all about how we grew up in a hellhole.”

Do you feel bad for saying it? Maybe. But you can’t help saying it anyway. “I will, San.”

And like that rainy day years ago, you think you can see him walk away.

*****

Seven years later

The winter sun is strangely bright, up above. You’d think it will warm you up, but the cold is relentless, violent, and it sneaks into your coat as you walk out of the hospital. You’ve just finished a thirty-hour shift, and you can’t wait to be home.

To take a shower and forget that you’ve lost a patient today.

But you’ve saved another. A young man, with a stab wound in his ribs that should have killed him. But you saved him, stabilized his condition to the point you don’t have to worry about him anymore. Which is the only reason why you’re allowing yourself to leave now.

You’re never able to leave until you know your patients are okay. It’s been that way since your first patient, in a cabin in the woods you’ve done your best to forget.

You’d let San stay, after that weekend. He had given you the number of one of his friends, so you could get some clothes for him, and you’d gone back the next weekend. Bringing him the clothes, making love to him under the moonlight as if that would change the ending.

The following week, you had gone back to find the cabin empty. He’d left a note behind.

I hope I can find you again, wherever you go.

You kept the note. It’s in your bedside table, back at home, in the nice apartment you’ve been able to rent for yourself with all the money you’ve been making now. Enough to pay back student loans from med school, enough to reassure you that never again will you struggle.

You’ve never seen San again after. He hasn’t found you, and you haven’t searched for him. Have only looked up his name a couple of times, in the months following his disappearing, scared you’d find out that he was found dead in a ditch. But his name never came up, and you wondered if he had managed to escape, if he had managed to find a place where Bangtan couldn’t reach him.

You found peace, on your side of the country. Life is kinder here, though it still holds the same atrocities. You wonder if it’s the novelty of the city, or maybe if you’ve just grown old enough to be able to withstand the bad that the world throws your way. It’s hard to tell – you haven’t kept contact with anyone from back home, except Jae-on.

Jae-on, who’s moved with you when you’ve decided to come here, like he said he would. Jae-on, who asked you to marry him in late October, and you said yes. The ring sits heavy on your finger, and you mindlessly play with it.

In another world, you would already be married to Choi San. Sometimes, you catch glimpses of that world – a piercing gaze in the morning, a smile and a kiss to your temple. Talks about angels, children screaming in happiness. In another world, you’d be pregnant again, waiting patiently to add another piece of you and him to this world.

It’s fun to think about, sometimes, but you’ve been good at forgetting. Like you told him you would – most times, you’ve forgotten all about Choi San.

But today, you had a patient that reminded you of him. So you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to think about that note tucked in the bottom drawer of your bedside table, hidden under the thick socks you never use.

You allow yourself to think about the cabin in the woods, about the field where you would have gotten married had you been in that picturesque world you like to imagine. You think about laser quests and first kiss and rainy days and meteors. You think about summer, about wildflowers and him.

You’re so lost in thought you miss your stop home, and you begrudgingly get out at the next one. You’re tired, and your hands are shaking as you pull your phone out of your tote bag, wanting to text Jae-on that you’re going to be home late because you missed your stop. You walk to the other side of the tracks, sighing when you see a five-minutes wait for the next subway.

At least the sun is high in the sky, even though it is dreadfully cold. You shiver, putting your phone back in your tote bag so you can hide your hands in your sleeves again, hoping it’ll preserve them from the cold.

In your exhaustion, you forgot your gloves back at the hospital, you realize. It’s strange that you only realize now, and you reckon you really need to sleep, because your brain isn’t even working right anymore.

You sigh, glancing at the display showing the time. Still four minutes to wait. You think at this rhythm you might freeze in your spot before the next subway comes. You try to hide your face in the lapel of your coat, but a movement on the other platform attracts your gaze.

A man is helping an older woman climb down the stairs. She’s speaking loudly, which might be what attracted your gaze in the first place. You follow them as they walk down the stairs, and then when the man turns towards you, you meet his piercing gaze.

He smiles, and you realize that maybe, all those years ago, he was not spinning lies to you after all.

☆☆☆☆☆

Gosh yeahhh rereading it had me ralize that it is a lot sadder than I remembered it to be. At least we got an open ending ... :') What did we think? Should I write about other groups more often? Let me know what you think! All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate

Taglist:

@btsborahaee

[ellecdc]

Elle, lovely dovey, life is a wreck as usual. So I’ve come to one of my safe places 💗

Now, if you will indulge me (don’t have to, completely up to you), what do you think the marauders jobs after Hogwarts and ect?

awe omg okay I know this wasn't the point of your ask but to be described as one of someone's 'safe places' literally made my heart swell like I can feel it in my throat.

I'm sorry life is a wreck - I've been struggling a bit too lately and am trying to stay positive but we're in this together and that makes me feel a little bit better knowing we'll all get through it <3

Everybody lives AU post-Hogwarts jobs

James: I could totally see him being a Quidditch coach (maybe even a professional Quidditch player?), I saw a fic of him once as the flying instructor at Hogwarts and fucking loved that idea - he'd be so good with kids cuz he's just a giant kid!! Or anything with kids tbh - I don't see him managing well with a Ministry job (ADHD), perhaps a mediwix? like a nursing style job?

Sirius: he is a tough one for me because I do not think a person like Sirius would ever work for the Auror department/Ministry [as he did in canon] - Sirius Black as a person would have huuuuugggggeeee issues with positions of authority. but I also don't know what else he would do. I love the idea of him doing something creative/owning his own business - tattoo artist, chef, painter/potter/artist, barber/hair stylist etc!

Remus: understanding that even in this no Voldemort/everybody lives AU there is still a huge prejudice against werewolves etc. So I think the boys might help him open a business (I always see him doing something calm; florist/plants, books/stationary, the likes), perhaps writing for a publisher/an author, but I also think he would have been offered a position at Hogwarts way earlier as well.

Regulus: I always see him working for the Ministry in some capacity; some cushy political job lol

Barty: I've never imagined him working................huh

Lily: I see her being a healer/working in the medical field.

[flamingo-writes]

What would you think if Hobie asks reader to cut the ends of his hair that bother him because of the mask and while she was doing it, she sang a nice song to him, meanwhile some little flowers began to bloom around them.

Really like the last post and this came to my mind immediately.

Listen, I’ve been daydreaming of this the entire day. I think this idea was very cute!

Also, little disclaimer: I was born and raised in Mexico, so, I’m very unfamiliar with how black people’s hair works. I know culturally it has a lot of importance, but other than that I knew very little of the different types of hair and ofc the insane variety of treatments and proper care as well as the different ways to give maintenance to different kinds of dreads. Also, as someone who has had very short hair for 2/3 of my life, as well as shaving my own head for the better part of the last 4 (5?) years, in general hair care and routines are something I’m wildly unfamiliar with, the longest I had my hair in the latest years was a 6 inch or so Mohawk I grew two years ago. Hobie has been a very good opportunity for me to educate myself a lot in hair (especially black people’s hair) and I spent a good portion of my evening watching videos/TikTok’s and reading on dreadlocks and their maintenance. If I wrote something inaccurate or wrong, please let me know, help me see my mistake, and I will fix it as soon as I can.

This came from this other request, I’m thinking of turning into a series.

Flower Bed — Hobie x Reader

Also, you said little flowers, but my brain decided to go for a full flower bed 😭 I hope you like this!

Warnings: none.

“Oí, luv…” Hobie said walking out of the bedroom, looking around you.

“Bathroom!” You shouted as he followed your voice, noticing the bathroom door opened and you kneeling by the shower.

Plants cramped in the shower as you watered them.

“Oh, never mind, you’re busy” He said.

“I’m almost done. I just need to water the ones in the kitchen sink and the monsteras…” You said as you’d todo up and stretched your back. “I’ll be done in ten minutes, what’s up?”

“I wanted to ask you if you could help me trim my hair, it’s starting to get long and gets stuck in the mask and, you know…” He asked softly. “But I can’t see the back of my head,”

“Sure, I’ll help you,” You said giving Hobie a kind smile.

He smiled back, walking up to you and kissing your forehead.

“Need help with the plants?”

“As you wish,” You replied happily. “You were asleep earlier and didn’t want to wake you, so I started watering them on my own…”

“I’m awake now,” He said. “I’ll water the monsteras,”

“Thank you, babe,” You purred.

By the time you were done with the plants, you went ahead and started helping Hobie out. You sat on the edge of your bed, as he sat on the floor. Since Hobie was tall, this was the most comfortable arrangement. It wasn’t also the first time you trimmed his wicks. He asked you to help him every few months.

As you put some soft music in the background, you got started, trimming dread by dread. Taking care to cut the hair while keeping the end of the dread rounded. Cutting just across each wick was already hard as they were thick, but you also wanted to keep them looking nice and rounded. Which was also a reason why Hobie asked you for help. You did a much better job at it than him.

Even when he didn’t admit it, or didn’t look like it, every single detail in his appearance was planned. Especially his hair. He liked taking care of it, and over all treated his hair like this very intimate thing, he hated having other people touching his hair. Except you. He actually loved it when you touched his hair, ran your hands through it, your fingers disappearing between the dreads. And the particular care and dedication which which you seemed to tend to every wick.

Deep in your concentration, watching over the little details, you were unconsciously singing. Something you also did quite a lot. When you were deeply focused on something, you’d start humming and eventually singing. Which only added to the relaxing time Hobie was having.

Between your gentle hands running through his hair, and now the soft sound of your voice singing in a low voice, going along with the music. Hobie lived for these little peaceful moments, making him feel absolutely contempt with his life. These little moments were everything to him.

As he had his eyes closed, focusing on every brought of your touch against him, he didn’t notice at first the plants growing around you.

It wasn’t plain on obvious. In fact, Hobie didn’t notice until he felt something tickling his elbows. He opened his eyes and saw flowers growing out of the floor, tiny plants growing buds and flowering. All in a matter of several seconds. And you continue to sing, concentrated. He blinked several times, wondering if you were aware of what you were doing, as he kept staring at the flowers growing and multiplying, coming out of the wooden floor tiles.

“Uh, luv?” Hobie asked in a low deep voice.

“Hm?” You hummed, answering Hobie’s question, sounding way too focused in your job as you were rounding one of the last wicks.

“Are you aware of the fact that you pretty much brought spring into our bedroom?”

“Huh?” You asked confused, breaking your hyper focus and looked around, noticing the flowers covering almost the entirety of your floor. White, red, lilac, and pink flowers, extending across your small bedroom. “Fuck,”

Hobie laughed softly.

“You didn’t notice?”

“N-no…” You whispered softly.

“That’s amazing…” Hobie sighed. “It’s beautiful, by the way…”

“The thing is I don’t know how to…un-grow them…And they’re a lot…” You said softly, the concern building in your voice, making Hobie chuckle. “What are we going to do with all of them?”

“We can always collect them and sell them or whatever, you know?” Hobie chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

“In the meantime, we can always enjoy this beautiful scene, what do you say?”

“You’re way too calm for someone who has his bedroom full of flowers…”

“You made them. They’re beautiful. I don’t see the issue, basically a work of art,” He said looking at you over his shoulder, as you rolled your eyes playfully at him.

“Hobie, pollen give you allergies,”

“Sleeping on a flower bed one night isn’t going to kill me,” He pointed out. “Besides, ever since the spider thing, I get less allergies from flowers,” He said lifting a finger up, making you chuckle.

“Fine! You win this argument!” You chuckled.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah, I love you too”

“That’s why I don’t mind the flowers. Because you made them,”

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Hobie’s cheek before you continued tending to the last two wicks.

“Thank you,” You said.

“For what?”

“Being you,” You sighed. “I’m not precisely fascinated with all the flowers in the bedroom, but the fact that you are, makes me feel better”

“Why, you’re welcome, sweet’eart. Thank you for helping me with my hair,” He said looking at you and giving you a cheeky smirk.

“Anytime,”

[toppersjeep]

I’ll Take Him - Carlos Sainz X Charles Leclerc X Reader ( a mini series)

Masterlist ||Chapter 2 || Chapter 3

Summary: You are a race engineer for Ferrari and sister of George Russell . For years you’ve worked side by side with Charles and now Carlos. You’ve been in love with Charles for years. But he’s never noticed that. He’s always been with someone else besides you despite the flirting between you two. But someone else wants your attention and that someone is Carlos. I guess if you can’t have Charles you’ll take his teammate then.

_____

y/nrussell✔️

I don’t know caption it something silly - Carlos

- tagged carlossainz55

Liked by 1.4 million

carlossainz55✔️: 🙄 listen I didn’t mean that

y/nrussell✔️: carlossainz55 to be fair you didn’t help much otherwise

carmenmmundt✔️: hard launch ?? 😍😍 finally

y/nrussell✔️: carmenmmundt for the people ofc carm

carlossainz55✔️: got a boyfriend?? asking for a friend

y/nrussell✔️: carlossainz55 yes hes pretty handsome 🌶️

y/nfan: oh my god my parents!! so cute

charlesfan16: was anyone else expecting the boyfriend to be Charles or no ??

f1fan: charlesfan16 I was sure they were dating with all the flirting but Carlos and Y/N are so cute

charlesleclerc✔️: well to be fair he did say “something silly” so

y/nrussell✔️: charlesleclerc Exactly Charlie 🙏🏻

georgerussell63✔️: don’t let her annoy you too much Carlos cause she’s very annoying

carlossainz55✔️: georgerussell63 she doesn’t annoy me that much and she’s cute so it makes up for it.

charlesxsainz: your telling me that she’s dating Carlos ???

landonorris✔️: finally I’ve been waiting patiently for this post

ferrari✔️: our spicy pepper and talented engineer a beautiful love story 🌶️❤️

_____

Your POV

“You busy” Carlos said placing a hand on my shoulder. “Yes I have to go over the stats from the last race” I said looking at my computer. “That’s so boring amour” Carlos said. “I know it’s not as exciting as driving the car” I said jokingly.

“So do you want me to bring you anything food or coffee” he said kissing my cheek. “You’re distracting me” I said. “But I thought I was your favorite distraction” Carlos said.

“Sometimes yes” I said. “Hey guys” Charles said. “Hey” I said. “You uh busy Y/N” Charles said. “She’s very busy apparently” Carlos said I rolled my eyes. “Yeah a little” I said. “I’ll come back later then it’s fine” Charles said leaving.

“Okay then” I said. “What was that about” Carlos asked. “No idea” I said. “So when you’re done do you wanna grab food” Carlos said. “Absolutely” I said kissing him. “Good just text me I’ll let you be” Carlos said leaving the room.

As soon as I finished my work. I went to go find Carlos. But ran into Charles. Making me drop my folders.

“I’m sorry I was running” Charles said picking them up. “Got a hot date or something” I said he laughed. “Ah no not tonight but” he began to say. “But what” I said he handed me my folders. “I think tomorrow I do” Charles said. “That’s nice” I said. “Yeah so you and Carlos” Charles said.

“Yeah he kinda asked me out months ago” I said smiling. “I knew he had a thing for you” Charles said I smiled. “It feels nice to be public finally” I said. “I bet I just hope he treats you well you deserve that” Charles said.

“He does” I said. “Well he’s lucky to have you any guy would be” Charles said. “I uh better go find Carlos” I said. “Yeah I got a meeting anyway see you later” Charles said walking away.

Later…

Carlos and I spent the evening at his apartment. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what Charles said earlier. That I deserve to be treated well. Even with Carlos I can’t keep my mind off charles.

“What are you thinking about” Carlos said. “Umm..just work” I said. “You need to just relax for a night” Carlos said hugging me from behind. “Oh do I” I said. “Yes enough work talk” Carlos said.

“You are very right” I said he kissed me. “Have I ever told you that..” he began to say. I looked into his brown eyes. “What Carlos” I said cupping his cheek. “I’m falling in love with you” Carlos said.

And there it was the L word. Love. But did he really mean those words. It felt right in the moment. But why couldn’t I say it back to him. I just froze looking at him. I felt like I didn’t deserve those words. Especially when I was thinking about someone else.

“I .. just wanted you to know that I love you” Carlos said. I smiled. “I don’t know what to say” I said. “You don’t have to say anything back” Carlos said softly. “You just surprised me” I said. He walked away.

“I mean I know that I’m in love with you so I needed to say it” Carlos said. “I’m gonna grab some wine do you want some” I said. “I.. think I’ll just head to bed we have a long day tomorrow” Carlos said going into his room.

I couldn’t help but feel like I upset him. Did he want me to say it back?? I mean I do love him. But not in the way that he wants.

“Okay I’ll just head home” I said. “You don’t have to” Carlos said from his room. “No no I should” I said leaving. I went back to my place. I felt like I made a mistake by leaving him there.

I then heard a knock on my door. I got up from my couch to answer it.

“Hey.. I feel like I scared you so” Carlos said holding roses. “Carlos no you didn’t” I said. “I didn’t like you leaving all upset so I …

I then kissed him. Just tell him what he wants to hear.

“I love you too” I said he smiled and kissed me. “Yeah” he said. “Yes” I said. “Can I come in” Carlos said I smiled. “Of course” I said. “So movie night” Carlos said . “Yes but none of your boring movies please” I said. “My love they aren’t boring but alright” Carlos said.

“And thank you I’ll put these in a vase” I said taking the roses. “I hope you like them” Carlos said. I put them in a vase. “I always love them especially from you” I said. “Alright I’ll grab the snacks” Carlos said. “And I’ll get the movie going” I said.

[mandobatemans]

intrigue (Tom Wambsgans x f!reader)

warnings: infidelity, fingering, unprotected piv sex, soft!dom tom, size kink kinda, biting, greg, do NOT have sex with the head of conservative news organizations irl!!!, i am a shivcel fr anything negative abt shiv in here i didn't mean it ily siobhan 🫶, NSFW UNDER THE CUT

word count: 4,740 (i got carried away)

A/N: this is loosely based on s4 e7 but there's no real timeline so it probably takes place like somewhere around season 3 or 4? this is my first succ fic so...enjoy 🤗 & also this took me SO long to write i'm so deeply sorry to anyone who was waiting

also posted to ao3

Tom had never been a fan of the whole “open marriage” arrangement. When he thought back to that fateful night (fateful night…who else would say that about their wedding night?) what he remembered most was the look on Shiv’s face when she told him that she wanted an open marriage. On their wedding night.

It was more for Shiv anyway. Tom rarely thought about actually acting on the arrangement, whether it be out of love for Shiv or loyalty to her father, he wasn’t sure. Sure, he had kissed someone here or done oral there when high on coke, but he had never actually fucked anyone else.

Something was different, though, tonight. Firstly, they were hosting a Waystar/ATN event at their apartment, and despite being chairman of ATN, he wasn't even sure what the evening was for. Shiv had told him about it last minute, casually mentioning it as they were being driven to work, like it was dinner at Logan’s rather than hundreds of media moguls and politicians to host. Actually, dinner at Logan’s felt equally, if not more, important than tonight. A better equivalent for how nonchalantly Shiv had mentioned it would be Connor inviting them somewhere.

Secondly, Shiv had suggested, outright, that they both find someone to hook up with at the party tonight. Earlier in their bedroom, after getting dressed in silence, Shiv had turned to Tom while putting her earrings in to share the idea. He knew she would be acting on it whether or not he did, and why shouldn’t he? It had been a while since he had gotten laid and was verbally (and physically) assaulting Greg a lot more as a result.

Did he just pick someone? How did you approach someone and say, “Hey, I’m in an open marriage but I’ve never actually done anything more than get my dick sucked with anyone else…anyway, let’s fuck!”

Tom fidgeted with his glass as he surveyed the room.

Despite your personal beliefs and the endless human rights violations that Waystar was affiliated with, their (and by extension ATN) events were some of the most lavish you'd ever attended. As a political journalist, it was standard for your company to send a journalist or two to whatever soirée the Roys were throwing. Everyone took turns, and this time you had drawn the short straw. It hadn’t been too bad so far, you thought, although perhaps you were jinxing yourself. You had kept to yourself mostly, chatting with other journalists you frequently saw around the city on assignments, snacking on the hors d'oeuvres, and listening to the ridiculous conversations political and media bigwigs were having.

You had been to an event hosted by the Roys before, but they were usually at ATN, Waystar, or some expensive venue. Being invited as a member of the press to Shiv Roy’s apartment felt strangely intimate. You were certain this was some calculated business move on the part of one Roy or the other, but you honestly didn’t really care. Whatever drama was happening within Waystar Royco was contained within the Roy family. You were simply here to supplement a piece your coworker was writing on the atmosphere of this political season.

It was only an hour into the party when you had collected all the quotes and interviews you needed, and sampled almost all of the hors d'oeuvres. Your boss expected journalists to stay for most, if not all, of the night for these things, in case some political bombshell were to happen. You were pretty sure nothing too monumental was going to happen in this room full of suits, especially with all of the Roys notably absent from the festivities. Even Shiv, whose house it was, looked like she wasn't paying any attention to what was going on in her home. In fact, she had been in the corner all night, talking to some prominent New York and D.C. women, important enough that you knew their faces but not important enough for you to attach any names to them.

You checked your phone for the time. You could probably get away with leaving in another hour if you made up some family emergency as an excuse for your editor. Even another hour seemed like ages. Maybe you could re-interview some people? Speak to some guests whose quotes would never make it in the article just to kill time? Sighing, you opened your messages, thumbs hovering over the chat with your editor, putting your journalism degree to use by brainstorming an excuse to get you back home in your bed before ten o’clock. When you turned around to pace while you typed (a nervous habit), you found yourself face-to-face with one of your hosts.

It felt like a fucking cliché. Literally bumping into someone at a party? If one of your writer friends wrote something like this, you'd tell them it was bullshit and things like that didn't happen in real life. Yet here you were, inches away from–

“Tom Wambsgans, Chairman of Global Broadcast News at ATN.” He introduced himself, reaching out a hand for you to shake.

You returned the handshake, grateful that he wasn’t offended by you bumping into him. “I know who you are.”

“And I know who you are.” He paused. “That sounded stalkerish, didn’t it? I meant, I know who you are because I’ve read your articles.”

“You have?” You were surprised. Your company and your articles in particular were considered left-leaning, the very opposite of the stories ATN ran.

He nodded. “Gotta keep up with the competition. I’ve seen some of your features on the network, as well.”

“Really? I would have thought you would just watch ATN all day,” you teased.

Tom made a face and then shook his head. “No, no, no. Plus, I wouldn’t really call any of our journalists ‘journalists’ so much as pretty faces. You do your own research and look good on the camera. That’s impressive.”

You raised an eyebrow and Tom’s eyes widened, processing what he had just said.

“God, I do sound like a fucking stalker.”

You laughed, “Just a little bit.” You let him cringe for a second, then smiled to reassure him. “No, but I’ve seen some of your interviews since you took over ATN. You look good on the camera, too.” You paused, before adding, “Maybe that makes us both a little stalkerish.”

His eyes lit up at your response, earning a genuine laugh (the first one that night not faked for some suit, he noted).

“Uh, sorry for bumping into you. I wasn't looking where I was going,” you explained, waving your phone in your hand for context.

“Ah, cell phone. The curse of the twenty-first century.”

You furrowed your brow involuntarily for a moment. He wasn't how you expected the spouse of a Roy to be like. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, you weren't yet sure.

“I’m making a huge ass of myself, aren't I?” He sighed. “I’ll leave you to the party–”

“No! It’s okay. Stay,” you heard yourself say. It was Tom’s turn to raise an eyebrow. Okay. You found him attractive. And even despite his eccentric comments, you also found yourself wanting to talk to him more. You were, however, purposely avoiding looking at the wedding ring on his finger.

To Tom, it all seemed too perfect. You, for example. He was being honest when he said he had seen and read some of your work and that he enjoyed it, and he did sometimes watch other networks to get an idea of the competition, but he had left out the fact that there was something about you in particular that made him watch the entire segment when you happened to be on air. And the fact that sometimes he'd scroll through your articles online and imagine you reading them aloud to him. But he wasn’t a stalker. And now you were here, in his house, on the night that his wife had all but shoved him into the bed of anyone that he wanted.

But still; one pleasant, slightly flirtatious conversation didn't mean you wanted to ride off into the sunset with him. Or, more accurately, go upstairs with him.

He scanned the room for Siobhan. Although it had been her suggestion, and he knew she had acted on the arrangement before, he still felt like it was somehow a trap. Like she’d hire someone to hide behind the bedroom door that night and catch him with his pants down (literally) to use as blackmail.

But sure enough, she was across the room, laughing at something some lobbyist had said, and resting her hand on the other woman’s arm slightly longer than a casual touch would last.

The longer he thought about it, the more confident he felt. If you were interested, he wanted to spend the night with you. And maybe more. But he was getting ahead of himself.

“It's kind of loud over here. Come on,” he gestured with his head toward the opposite corner of the apartment, one not occupied by any guests save for an elderly politician snoring on the couch.

You followed him, nodding when he asked if you wanted another drink before picking a champagne flute off of a passing server’s tray. He handed it to you once you reached the corner, your hands touching during the exchange. It seemed like even more of a cliché to feel sparks fly at this tiny touch, so you ignored that, as well.

“You host these kinds of things often?” You asked, leaning against the wall and taking a sip of your champagne. The room was full of very important people, though none of them seemed to be talking about very important things. You couldn't quite wrap your head around why a high-level executive who had married into one of the largest media conglomerates was wasting his time talking to you (flirting with you?), but you had seen stranger things in this city.

He grimaced and shook his head. “No, no. I’m usually just a guest.” Tom laughed and took a sip of his drink. “And not a very important one, at that.”

“I’m sure that's not true. I mean, how many people watch ATN? And you’re in charge of what airs or doesn't air.”

“1.89 million,” he replied, taking a sip of his drink, “Outside of the office, nobody’s really worried about what I think.”

“Not even your wife?” You stopped after you said the words, giving your brain a second to catch up with your mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect, I–”

“No, no, no, no, it’s okay,” he assured you, reaching out to rest a hand on yours consolingly. Tom leaned in closer so only you would hear him, unnecessary considering the secluded corner you two were in.

“But no, not even my wife.”

Your eyes darted to his hand atop yours, suddenly aware of how large his hands were. They almost completely covered yours, and they felt so comfortable and right there, like–

“We have an open marriage,” he suddenly said.

“Oh.”

Tom seemed disappointed with this reaction, quickly removing his hand from yours and adding, “That’s just to say that, our marriage is, uh, unconventional, so her not caring what I have to say isn’t that unusual.”

You were still processing the feel of his hand on yours, much less the revelation that he actually might be flirting with you and that it actually might go somewhere. By the time your thoughts caught up with you, it seemed like he was about ready to excuse himself and go scream at his reflection in the bathroom.

“Well, I’m sorry about that,” you responded, mirroring his gesture from before and resting your hand on top of his to comfort him. “You don’t deserve that, really.”

He scoffed. “You don't know what I deserve.”

You looked up at him, taking the time to absorb the look in his eyes that revealed just how much he was going through.

“Uh, Tom?”

Tom rolled his eyes and turned away from you to snap at the source of the interruption. “What, Greg? Can’t you see I’m having a conversation?”

“It’s just–well, Shiv is leaving with someone.” The taller man gestured at the door, where sure enough, Shiv was weaving her way through the crowd toward the elevators with the lobbyist from earlier, her hand guiding her by the small of her back.

Tom bit the inside of his cheek. “Well, Greg, we do have an open marriage. So, everything’s fine. Now, scram.”

Greg looked between the two of you and hesitated for a second before nodding and disappearing back into the bustle of the party.

Tom turned back to you. “That’s Shiv’s cousin, Greg. I’ve sort of taken him under my corporate wing, so to speak. Showing him the ropes and all that.”

You nodded, finishing your champagne.

“Well,” he said.

“Well,” you echoed.

He paused for a minute, though it seemed to last much longer than that. “You’re writing an article about this party, right?”

“Yeah,” you responded, unsure of where he was going with this.

Tom leaned in, lowering his voice. “What would your editor say if you got a behind-the-scenes look at the party?”

You raised your eyebrow.

“Of course, you'd have to come upstairs…” Something shifted in his tone. You were well aware of what the change implied, and you’d be lying if you said you didn't want to jump at the offer. This wasn’t you, though. Sleeping with a married man? On top of that, not just any married man, but the host of the party that you were covering for work. It sounded like a problem you’d encounter on an Intro to Ethics exam. But any moral qualms you had about the issue were pushed out of your head when you registered the way Tom was looking at you.

“Of course,” you repeated, nonchalantly, setting your empty champagne glass on a nearby table.

Something flickered in Tom’s eyes. “Shall we?”

“Lead the way, Wambsgans,” you replied, gesturing dramatically.

Neither of you spoke for the entire walk away from the excitement of the party to the quiet of Tom’s bedroom. It looked much like you had expected it to look: modern, chic, and impersonal. You were sure Tom (or Shiv) had some personal items somewhere in the house, but the bedroom was so clean and styled that the only indication anyone slept or dressed in there was some of Shiv’s makeup and jewelry strewn haphazardly on the vanity.

When he had closed the door behind you, Tom stepped closer to you experimentally, as if he was afraid you'd flee like a wild deer if he moved too fast. You stepped closer as well, which seemed to give Tom the permission he was looking for. Within seconds, his mouth was on yours, his hands cupping your face, all tongue and teeth. There was hunger and desperation in the kiss, but it was hypnotizing, beckoning you deeper and deeper. He was almost doubled over to reach you (god, he was tall), so you shifted your weight to stand on your tiptoes.

Tom broke the kiss, leaving you with a confused look on your face.

He shed his suit jacket, throwing it carelessly on the floor. Next, he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows. Tugging on the length of his tie, he loosened it enough to undo a few buttons at his collar, revealing an inviting expanse of chest hair.

“Turn around,” he told you, snapping you out of your male-stripper-fantasy gaze.

You did as he said, something in his tone going straight to your core. You felt him run his hands from your shoulders down your arms, then down your hips and up to your waist, the action bunching up the fabric of your dress. He moved your hair to the side, pressing hot kisses to your neck that made your eyes roll back.

“Can I take this off?” He whispered, his lips trailing up to your ear.

You nodded in response, trembling momentarily under his touch. Tom unzipped your dress, helping you push it down your body and step out of it. He unhooked the back of your bra without moving further. It occurred to you then how wrong this was, to be sleeping with someone else’s husband in their own bedroom, but to your surprise, you didn’t care. The only thing you cared about was the heat of Tom’s gaze on your bare back. You took your bra off the rest of the way and discarded it on the ground next to your dress. Once in only your underwear, you turned back around to face him, watching his eyes follow every curve of your body to drink in the newly exposed skin.

“Wow,” he said, simply, reaching out to grab you by the hips and pull you closer to him. “You’re gorgeous.”

Grinning, you stood on your tiptoes to kiss him again, cradling his face in your hands. You felt him smile back into your kiss. Before you knew it, he had you pressed against the wall, totally enclosed by his larger form. He went from kissing you on your lips to your neck to behind your ear to your chest, as if he couldn't decide which spot deserved the most attention or for how long.

One of his hands slid down to the waistband of your underwear, the cold metal of his wedding ring a shock against your hot skin. You made eye contact with him as his hand slipped between the fabric and your skin cup your cunt, whining when you felt his touch. He seemed to get off on that, capturing you in a kiss again at the same time he slipped a digit into your wet heat. You were too hot; you pressed your hand to his chest to stabilize yourself and pushed your underwear down your legs and kicked them off. Tom smiled at this, getting right back to pumping his finger in and out at a pace that almost made you melt down the wall.

It was probably a power trip thing, you thought, you totally naked and him almost fully clothed. You didn't mind because it was kinda hot, but it wasn't what you had expected from Tom based on the unassuming, Midwestern image of him that was circulated in columns and by the Roys themselves. But, then again, you hadn't expected to find yourself in this position at all when you left your apartment earlier that night.

The pace of his fingers felt so good, so intoxicating, that now that you had him, you needed more of him.

“A-another one,” you whined between kisses.

When you opened your eyes to look at him, Tom had a smug look on his face. Sure, it was arrogant, but it turned you on, so who really cared? “Yeah?” he asked, “You want another one?”

“Tom,” you hissed, gripping onto his shoulder as his finger curled in just the right way that it made your legs go numb.

The look remained on his face, but he added another finger nonetheless. Tom appeared to inhabit both extremes when it came to sex: he really wanted to pleasure you but he also really wanted to do what he wanted. Luckily, those two wants aligned.

He was making you feel so good that you needed to have more of him. Your kisses got sloppier, each so desperate to be further molded with one another that your tongues tried to push impossibly further into the other’s. Tom shifted his hand so he could angle his thumb to rub slow, tantalizing circles on your clit as he continued to pump his fingers. Your grip on his shoulder tightened–you feared your fingernails would leave dents in his skin–but like so many other things tonight, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You could feel the pressure rising in your middle, your cunt clenching around his fingers in anticipation of your impending orgasm, but then it stopped.

You opened your eyes that you hadn't realized were squeezed shut to look at Tom, who had his hand in front of your face, fingers glistening with your slick. “Open,” he encouraged. You obeyed, accepting his fingers into your mouth and licking them clean with a ‘pop.’ He stared at you like you had hung the stars in the sky. He jerked his head toward the bed. “Sit.”

There was authority in his commands, but you didn’t fear him; from the short amount of time you had spent with him, you knew he was at his core a sweet man. You would admit to yourself that you had been curious how his awkward, nervous energy would translate into the bedroom, but once alone, he seemed to be a different man.

You watched him strip off the rest of his clothes eagerly, smiling up at him once he rejoined you on the bed totally naked. He must’ve noticed you staring, because he asked: “Do you want me to put on a condom?”

You shrugged, shifting your eyes back up to his own. “No, it’s okay. I'm on birth control.”

He sighed in relief. “Good. I don't even know if I have one in here.”

“Then why’d you ask?” You laughed, encouraged by the smile that crossed his face when you did so.

“Seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do. If you said yes, I would’ve sent someone to go get one or borrowed one from–”

“Tom?”

“Yeah?”

“Just fuck me already.”

“Alright. If you say so,” he teased, leaning down over you to kiss you. Both your lips were red and puffy from all the kissing and some biting, but it didn’t matter. You could feel his cock pushing against your stomach from the angle, so you reached down to take him in your hand and pump his length.

“Fuck,” he murmured against your skin, face buried in your neck as he pressed kisses to the every inch of available flesh, “Fuck…Can I?”

“Please,” you responded, noticing a little desperate hitch in your voice that you ignored. Tom licked his hand and cupped your sex with it, running the pads of his middle fingers through your folds a few times to collect the wetness between your legs. Gently, he guided his length into your opening

inch by inch, watching your face for any sign of discomfort before bottoming out.

You should’ve expected his dick to be big from his height, the size of his hands, his nose, whatever, but you hadn’t considered just how big. It was quite a stretch to take him fully, but he gave you all the time you needed to adjust and get comfortable. When you were ready, you bucked your hips up into his to give him the okay.

Tom took your permission to move and ran with it, grabbing your left leg and placing it over his shoulder before pressing you down further into the mattress with his body weight so he could thrust into you at a deeper angle.

You lifted your head to meet him to return to making out, the sensation of his tongue down your throat even more erotic now that he was inside of you, as well.

His thrusts were deep but not as aggressive as he had been with his fingers. He wouldn’t vocalize this, or even admit to himself that he was thinking this, but he wanted this to last. As much as it was supposed to be a hookup–emotionless sex–he found himself wanting it to happen again, despite his attempts to push those thoughts deep into the recesses of his mind.

One arm was thrown around Tom’s neck, hand gripping a fistful of his hair. Your other hand went down to your clit, beginning to rub circles to match the pace of his thrusts.

“You wanna cum again?” He teased, “Again, when I haven't cum once?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, playfully, slipping your finger down from your clit to lightly stroke the length of his cock that wasn't fully inside of you.

He let out a moan, eyes twinkling as he snapped his hips a little harder, snickering when you gasped in response.

Tom caught you in another kiss, resting his weight on his forearm that was positioned next to your head. You arched your back up into him, urging him deeper, which he obliged. “Touch yourself,” he said, disconnecting his mouth from yours just long enough to give the command.

You smiled into his lips, rubbing your clit again as his thrusts became sloppier and jerkier. He was holding on until you came again, despite his earlier cockiness. The moment he felt your walls tighten around him, he let go, spilling inside of you with a grunt.

He pulled out, rolling off of you to lay beside you.

Tom was still catching his breath, and you watched his chest heave for a few moments. “Hey, you okay?” He asked. “Everything alright?”

You smiled, nodding and reaching over to kiss him again. “I'm good, yeah. You?”

“Perfect, actually.” Tom smiled back at you. He found himself lost in the moment, lost in your eyes, lost in the connection you two had just had, and it was too much for him. Quickly, he sat up, ready to change the subject. “You need to clean up?”

You furrowed your brow at the sudden shift in his demeanor, but going along with it nonetheless. Despite him just having been inside you, you didn't feel like it was your place to mention the change. “Yeah. Can I?” You asked, gesturing vaguely toward the bathroom.

“Yeah. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Towels are above the sink.”

You flung your legs over the side of the bed and stood, heading toward the bathroom. “I’ll just clean off real quick, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“No, no, no. I mean, you can stay the night. If you’d like, that is. I could call you a car, though, if I’ve made some awful faux pas and you don’t want to look at me for another–”

“Tom.” He focused on you again after his brief spiral. “I would like to stay.”

He grinned. “Great, that's great.”

“Just let me–” You waved your hands around your lower body, “–clean all this up.”

“Yeah, of course, sure. I’ll be here.” He added the last part in a quasi-sing-song voice.

At the sound of the shower turning on, Tom rose to locate his clothes and try to clean up. He pulled his boxers back on, taking his dress shirt, pants, & jacket to be thrown into the hamper. They really should be dry-cleaned, he considered, but found that he couldn’t be bothered. As for your clothes, he wasn’t sure what exactly to do with them, so he laid your dress across a chair in the bedroom and left your bra and underwear on the floor. He was still considering whether he should pick them up or not when you came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around your torso.

Once you had dressed in your undergarments again and Tom had given you an undershirt to sleep in, you started to wonder what all this meant. If it had just been a hookup, why were you staying the night? You had thought you’d feel dirty and disgusted with yourself, spending the night in someone else’s bed with someone else’s husband, but you didn’t. You didn’t know what that said about you, what it meant that you were perfectly comfortable talking into the night with Tom, both laughing and sharing stories long after you had agreed to turn the lights off and get some sleep. That almost made it worse, you thought, that it wasn’t just sex. That made it dangerous.

After you had drifted off, Tom spent a few minutes watching you sleep. He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, watching the worries of the day wash off your face while you slept. He knew it was wrong to be more comfortable in this bed with you than he was with his own wife. But that was something to deal with (or repress) in the morning. Here, now, with you wrapped in his and Shiv’s bedsheets, your form against his chest rising and falling with his breaths, he could pretend it was meant to be like this.

@swiftcession @greenwrldsz @zirrocom @lukas-matsson @ledtassoo @bluecruz97 @rita-lean @grainyimag3

[the-river-runs]

My best friend Fandom has once again returned and asked me to post to Tumblr for her! Once again, I have permission to post this video and all edits were done by Fandom (http.redshoes on Instagram)

These memes are all based on Cryptid Sightings by @naffeclipse

She has a lot to say this time around!

A message from Fandom:

"Hello Naff!! And hello everyone :D

It’s me, your girl, your local meme and edit maker, Fandom (aka http.redshoes on Insta 😎)

I’ve come back to make another meme comp for you guys! I wanted to make this earlier, but:

1. I was busy saving/collecting ATSV content on Instagram like Pokémon to getting noticed twice by Jack in the Box ☺️

2. I had to create an Ao3 account (understandably ofc AI theft sucks) and was um. You know… being silly in the comment section 👀 (please don’t mind me if you ever stumble upon them - I react and appreciate the stuff I enjoy in weird ways 💔)

3. Was waiting for my friend here to finish reading so I didn’t spoil anything in the memes! We both loved the series so much and man. The Naff do be eclipsing fr in releasing chapters left and right biggest round of applause for one of my favorite authors here 👏👏👏

Naff, you did such a great job writing this fanfic. I’m going to repeat myself from the comment section BUT you need to give yourself a pat on the back, relax, take a break - just reward yourself. You deserve it all and I hope that you take care of yourself for all the hard work you’ve done 💞💞💞

I’ve also included the lovely artist themselves, @themeeplord , again in one of my meme comps.

It’s only one meme but dang they always draw Eclipse to be getting that gain 💪💪💪 (bc of how muscular he is haha.) Mad respect to all of the drawings they create - they’re always a banger to see.

(Most of the memes surround the last episode + epilogue so if you haven’t read those chapters LOOK ‼️ AWAY ‼️ Don’t get spoiled 🤯)

(P.S. for the imagine scenario that’s not a meme, this is what they’re saying in the audio:

“[Amused] You can hear their heartbeats? Come on, that’s a little far fetched.”

“[Soft chuckling] I can hear yours too… Your heart’s beating pretty fast.”

I’d like to think this would take place around the beginning of “The Episode Bedeviling Bodies,” where the Hunter is still trying to understand their dear friend and what they’re capable of. I thought it was fitting ngl and included it in the comp.

There were uh, more memes I wanted to include, but I’m running low on storage space atm. I’ll get back to making more after I’m done clearing that out ^^’)

(P.P.S. Okay I don’t have Tumblr obviously but 🕴️ apparently you guys really liked the SJ memes I made??? Because my friend’s been receiving notifs of it still??? Thank you so much you guys!! I didn’t really expect people to enjoy them that much 😭💘💘💘)

Now without further ado, enjoy the meme comp! >:D " -Fandom

[queenthiax]

Gilly's Letters

Just a tidbit I wanted to get out of my brain, Gilly Cinderheart you have all of my heart <3 Even though I like to break it doing things like this.

- Dear Mama,

I made it to the adventurer’s guild! I would have written earlier, but getting all of the paperwork done and settled into my quarters ended up taking longer than I expected and the next thing I knew we were getting schedules and orders.

Everything around here happens so quickly it makes my head spin. I think Papa would like the hustle and bustle of the routine though. He always complains about how bored he is at home. 

They’re telling me that training starts tomorrow though. I thought getting accepted into the Guild meant that they had already assigned me to a seasoned adventurer, but it seems that there is some basic training they like everyone to go through before that. And something about the choices being made ‘after the heroes get to see our grit’ with their own eyes.

I’m taking everything in stride though! I’ll make sure to show everyone here what I’ve got and make sure the support everyone at home has given me will be worth it!

All of my love,

Gilly-pad

–

Dearest Mama,

Thank you for the care package, knowing that a taste of home will be waiting for me after each day of training is the best motivation to get through the day.

Training is… hard. I knew it would be, but it's so eye opening the difference in expectations here for monster hunting and adventuring is to the little threats that I handled for everyone at home. Really gives a lot of scale to how important the work is!

We haven’t had any adventurer’s looking for apprentices coming in yet, but my teachers all say they’re really impressed with my skills! Especially my ‘special skill’. It’s been really amusing to spar with others who take my size for granted and get to show them how sturdy us halflings can be!

Doing everything to keep you proud, give Papa my love.

Your Gilly-pad

–

MAMA!!!!

I GOT CHOSEN!! I’M OFFICIALLY AN APPRENTICE TO A GREAT ADVENTURER!!

MAMA YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO IT IS!! 

THE GREAT SIR HORACE TREATY!!!

HE CAME AND WATCHED US AND PICKED ME OUT OF EVERYONE!!!

I’M SO HAPPY I COULD MELT!!

YOUR OFFICIAL ADVENTURER APPRENTICE DAUGHTER!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE FROM YOUR GILLY-PAD

–

My lovely Mama,

Life on the road has been so hectic, I apologize for the sporadic letters. I didn’t realize how unreliable sending through different post offices could be. Don’t worry too much about trying to keep track of me, sending them to the Adventurer’s Guild will make sure I get them eventually!

But it’s officially been a month! I’ve already been on so many adventures and helped slay so many monsters. It’s been a wonder to watch Sir Horace and his frequent companions work.

Sir Horace treats me well! We’re still getting to know each other so I do fear sometimes he keeps up his ‘hero’ act up with me, but I know I’m wearing him down!

Can’t write long since I have so many tasks to keep up with! But do know I’m having the time of my life! Tell Papa to not get jealous of my adventures!

Your monster slaying girl,

Gilly-pad

–

Mama,

I know the letters don’t come often enough, I’m so sorry about that. Sir Horace is taking my training seriously though and keeping me plenty busy!

Not only am I learning about actual adventuring and monster slaying, but he is doing the work to make sure I stay… humble. It’s important to not look down on all of the small tasks that keep you moving every day!

And I am never bored! Even when we’re not working Sir Horace keeps my mind sharp with his tales of his years of experience!

One day I want to show you all the places I’ve seen… I think you’d like some of them. But not as much as I love home, I hope to visit you soon.

All my love,

Gilly-pad

–

Mamsies,

I was just speaking with Sir Horace and he has given me leave once we get back to the city to come back home and visit for a while! He won’t have need of my services for a bit and I do crave your cooking.

We have an engagement - the fabled feast of glory - on the 25th of this month, but afterwards I’ll make my way back to you all! And I’ll be able to tell you of all the heroes I meet at the party!

Missing you and Papa always,

Gilly-pad

–

As darkness starts to take her - her body worn and bruised - the bravado of her last ‘fuck you’ leaves Gilly’s heart… one final thought… “I wish I could have read your letters Mama… I hope you’ve gotten mine… I’m sorry I couldn’t make good on my promise to visit one last time….”

[fluffyllamas-23]

Omg omg omg hi I’ve read your fics omg I can’t believe you’re writing again!!!

If it’s not too much, could I request a sick and sneezy Bucky and any Steve of your choosing??

Thank you so much for the prompt!! It's definitely not too much to ask (and if you ever have any more ideas for Bucky I am happy to take them! I don't give Bucky nearly enough love, which is honestly a travesty) <3 <3 <3

Bookshop/Cafe AU where Bucky works in the bookshop part of the store and (post-serum) Steve works in the cafe part, and they’re cute boyfriends.

Steve was supposed to be off today, but he had all but jumped at the opportunity to cover for a coworker for no reason other than wanting to keep an eye on Bucky. They don’t work immediately together, but Steve works at the coffee shop within the bookstore that Bucky works at, which was how they met in the first place. 

Anyways, he knows how it sounds, picking up a shift solely so he can make sure Bucky is okay, but hear him out. He promises it’s not for anything nefarious. 

Bucky has been coming down with what’s shaping up to be an awful cold for the last day and a half or so. He’s still in that annoying phase of illness, where his body can’t quite figure out what it wants to do and is freaking out. He’s feeling way more rough than he usually does at this point of a cold, but he doesn’t really have many specific symptoms. 

His head is throbbing, and his throat feels really scratchy and raw (and it sounds like it, too), but other than that he’s just dragging. He wants nothing more than to crawl back into bed and sleep for a year.

Steve had tried talking him into calling out since he’s not feeling well, but Bucky is nothing if not stubborn. He doesn’t want to take time off for this. It would feel ridiculous calling out for feeling vaguely unwell and not actively sick.  

So, Steve feels like it’s his duty to keep an eye on things. And honestly, picking up a shift to make sure everything is okay is far less weird than browsing the aisles of the bookstore for hours until his shift finishes.

*

Bucky can feel Steve’s eyes on him. He does his best to ignore it, but can’t stop himself from glancing over in his direction.  They make eye contact and Steve’s eyes widen slightly, and then his head immediately drops down. He goes back to wiping down the counter by the register. 

Bucky rolls his eyes and shakes his head, laughing lightly.  What a ridiculous man. 

He turns his attention back to stocking the shelves.  His boss had taken pity on him and wasn’t making him work in any customer-facing role (unless absolutely necessary) when she heard how gravelly and rough Bucky’s voice was when he got to work that morning. If they were less busy, his boss probably would have sent him home. She’s not in the business of torturing her employees. However, she’d already had three callouts, and she really does need Bucky there.  

She promises that Bucky can have all the time off he needs soon, though. 

Bucky clears his throat with a grimace. He really does need to track his boss down and see if he can go grab some tea at some point. That might help. 

As if she can sense his question, he spots her walking over to him from across the room.

“How’re you holding up?” She asks with a frown. “I’m sorry you have to be here.”

He waves her off, “it’s fine, promise.” He winces when he hears his own voice. It’s shot to hell, and he knows he’s close to losing it.

“Do you need anything?”

He nods his head towards the coffee shop, “would you mind if I go grab some tea? I’ll be quick.”

“Not at all. Why don’t you go ahead and take your fifteen now.”

He furrows his brows, “but I already took that earlier.”

“Oh, did you? I don’t remember,” she says, shooting him a look. “It’s fine, James. Go take another.”

He looks around the store, there are people everywhere. A line is forming at the front of the store, and he can’t help the pang of guilt in his chest. “Peggy, we’re so busy.”

“I know,” she says, “but I just feel bad I’m keeping you here when you’re not feeling well and you being here at all is helpful. Go get some tea, sit down, come back in fifteen.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” he relents, but it’s more so he doesn’t have to keep talking.  

He puts the last book back on the shelf and heads over to the coffee shop.

“Steve,” he croaks when he reaches the register. 

Steve winces, “God, you sound bad, honey.”

“I sound worse than I feel. Peggy told me to take another fifteen.”

“I would have sent you home,” Steve grumbles, casting an annoyed glance in the bookstore’s general direction. 

Bucky rolls his eyes, “stop. You know she can’t, and you know you’d still be here if it were you.”

“Fair enough,” he sighs, shifting his focus back to fussing over his boyfriend. “How do you feel other than your throat?”

He scratches at his nose, making a face at the prickle in his sinuses. “Eh…not great. Not awful. Hih…hih’tschiew! Snff! Snff! Sorry. Somewhere in the middle. I’m just so fucking tired. Could I get some tea? I don’t care what kind, surprise me.”

“Language,” Steve teases. He hands Bucky a napkin and then grabs a hot cup from the stack next to him. “Bless you. Want something with caffeine, then?”

Bucky turns away to blow his nose, and then he rubs at his chest with a sigh, “dunno…heart’s kind of racing. I’m not sure caffeine would be the best idea.”

Steve frowns. Bucky’s heart always races when he’s not feeling well, and even though he knows this is normal for him, he can’t help but worry. 

“Go sit down, I’ll bring you something.” 

*

Bucky makes it exactly two and a half more days before he has to admit defeat and whatever plague he’s caught decides it’s time to kick his ass. 

Peggy sends him home after his lunch break. She tells him not to worry and to take as much time off as he needs. 

He’s currently curled up in the blanket den on the couch that Steve insisted on building him, sniffling miserably into a tissue. This cold from hell has decided to take up residence in his head, and he’s less than thrilled. 

His head is throbbing with an intensity he hasn’t felt in a while. It’s in his skull, and sinuses, and his head feels like it’s packed with cement. He’s been sneezing pretty much nonstop since he woke up, which is definitely not helping with how hazy he’s feeling. The only bonus of feeling this bad is that he doesn’t feel as disgusting as he probably should. His throat is killing him too, it feels like someone’s shoved a white-hot branding iron down it, and his voice is nearly gone at this point. 

“hhh…hihh’isschh! isshh! Isschhh! Snff! Guh…this is so anndoyi’gg,” he sniffles, scrubbing at his nose with the tissue before blowing his nose into it. He balls it up and adds it to the growing pile next to him. He plucks another from the box, sniffling into it as his sinuses itched and burned again. “How is ihhh….it t-twendty twendty th-three a-and-heh…hhih’schhieww! Snff! Snff! And we h-havend’t combe up wihh…with a cure for the c-commbond cold yet-ihtschiew! Snff! Snff!” 

“Bless you, sweetheart,” Steve frowns, rubbing his back. “Man, this cold is really kicking your ass, huh?”

Bucky groans, sniffling again. His breath catches, and then he’s coughing miserably into the blankets.  A shiver runs down his spine, and he’s hit with a really woozy, disorienting feeling. He looks up at Steve with the biggest, most tragic eyes possible.

“Do I feel warmb? I thi’ggk I have a fever. Hih…hih’ihtschiew! Eh’tschuh! Snff! Snff! Hih-hih…Hih! Hih’ITSHHOO! Snff!” He blows his nose again, giving a couple more stuffy coughs before slumping back into the couch.

“Bless you. That last one sounded like it hurt,” Steve murmurs, pressing his fingers against Bucky’s cheek and stroking it. He grimaces, “ah...yeah, I think you’re right. You’re hot.”

Bucky blinks heavily, and then gives him a strange look, “Stevend, this is a weird timbe for a combplimbendt…you’re…hot…too?”

Steve smothers a laugh, “fever, honey. You have a fever.”

Bucky is quiet for a few moments while he processes what Steve just said. Then, he groans and buries his face in the blankets. “Oh mby god I’mb and idiot.”

“You aren’t an idiot…but…that does make me want to get a reading on your temp.”

“Hih’ihtschiew!”

“Bless-”

“Nng’xxcht!”

“-You. Don’t stifle, you’ll give yourself a headache.”

“I already have a headache,” Bucky grumbles, breath hitching again. “Ih’tschieww! Tsch! Iht’schieww!”

Steve kisses his cheek, leaving Bucky to go find him something for the congestion, as well as the thermometer. 

“I’m going to make you more tea while I’m up,” Steve calls over his shoulder. 

“Okay,” Bucky sniffles, groaning in annoyance when the sneezing just doesn’t let up. “hihh’itsschh! itsshh! Itsschhh! hhih’tschhieww! Ihtschiew! Snff! Snff!” He’s lightheaded at the end of it, head swimming as he tries to re-orient himself. 

“How do you feel about taking NyQuill now?” Steve asks when he returns with everything. “I know it’s a bit early, but you’re miserable.”

“How about you just kill mbe indstead?”

“Mmm,” Steve says, handing him the tea and crouching down in front of him so he can stick the thermometer in his ear. “I think that sounds like a permanent solution to a very temporary problem.”

“Mbaybe this cold will kill mbe.”

“I don’t think it’s going to kill you…but I’m not entirely sure it’s a cold,” Steve frowns, looking down at the thermometer once it beeps. 101.9. He sticks it in Bucky’s other ear, hoping maybe the reading is off. 102. “You don’t usually get fevers…or feel this awful with colds.”

Bucky shrugs. Whatever this is definitely doesn’t feel like your normal, run-of-the-mill cold, but he doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it. He lifts the tea to his lips, but practically shoves it back into Steve’s hands as the steam makes the congestion shift, and then he can’t stop sneezing. After what feels like a dozen or so, the itch finally dissipates, and he’s left sniffling and coughing and so exhausted. All he wants to do is curl up and sleep for the rest of the day while Steve rubs his back and plays with his hair.

“Bless you. God, that sounded miserable, poor thing.” Steve fusses. 

“Yeah,” Bucky croaks, eyes closing. 

Steve hands him the meds, and then stands up and flops next to him on the couch, “take the NyQuil. Can’t sneeze if you’re unconscious.”

Bucky chuckles, which just launches him into another coughing fit. Steve grimaces and rubs his back.  “Bei’gg undcondscious sou’dds ambazi’gg.”

“Wanna pick a show to watch while you’re waiting for them to kick in?”

Bucky sniffles, nodding as he slumps against Steve. 

“Sorry for probably sndeezi’gg ond you a mbilliond timbes,” Bucky mumbles, voice muffled by the blankets.

“Hazards of being in a relationship,” Steve smiles, wrapping his arm around Bucky and adjusting so that he’s laying with his head on Steve’s chest. “If I get it, I get it. It’s fine.”

“Sorry.”

“James, look at me,” Steve says gently. Bucky looks up at him, and Steve cups his cheek. “It’s fine. You’re sick, and I care way more about you than I do about avoiding this. Stop worrying.”

“Okay. I love you.” Bucky sniffles, sounding very tired and far away. He can feel himself drifting off to sleep.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Steve says softly, kissing the top of his head. 

And then, Bucky sleeps.

[stormblessed95]

Hey Storm, i am some what a baby army and i just very recently found your blog because i picked an interest in Jikook and wanted to know more about them. Going through your blog has been like a breath of fresh air. I love how you present the information you know about Jikook and i love how you ALWAYS back up your claim with facts. When i need credible information about Jikook your blog is the first place i run to and i am grateful we have someone like you here.

So as i said, I developed an interest in jikook and i am trying to gather my facts about them so i am not deceived by edits and wrong information. I do believe Jikook are a thing but sometimes i get a lil confused by some of the things i see about taekook. I don’t think Taekook are a couple ofcourse but i would like to have more information on somethings that happened when i wasn’t in the fandom yet.

So one of the biggest moments for taekooker is the Atomix date. I don’t have alot of details of the whole thing but i know Jk posted a selfie with Tae which was taken at the restaurant and according to some taekookers, the restaurant made a post and tagged taekook and thanked them for coming. But i am a little confused cuz i’ve seen so many shippers and non shippers claim that all of BTS were at the restaurant, not only taekook. They mentioned someone emailed the restaurant and they confirmed that BTS were all there. But tkkrs insist it was just Tae and Jk and that Jk made a reservation 6 weeks earlier and they even got to go on a day, the restaurant wasn’t normally open. Do you have more details about this?

Me, forgetting that baby armys weren't here during the whole atomix thing because it feels like that all happened yesterday.... but I guess in reality that was 2 years ago. So it tracks 😭😂

September 2021, after the MET, BTS went out to eat at Atomix and JK posted a 3 photo series on his Instagram (he has since deleted his insta and everything on it 😭) of him and him and Tae in the Atomix bathroom mirror. They looked GORGEOUS.

And tkkrs took it and ran with the idea that it was then a taekook date. Would've been a nice dinner out together if it was, but it was confirmed by a staff members friend who was an ARMY and a Tae bias (not a shipper) that all of BTS and their management and staff were there. Taekook just took photos together. Messages from the staff here:

Original tweet thread:

And I believe this was the Atomix restaurant owner who reposted JKs photo and said "BTS in house" which is great rep for their business honestly lol

As for tagging taekook and thanking them for coming, I assume you mean this.... i belive Atomix is a client of them, and they designed the mirror they are in posing in. Lol they tagged taekook as it's taekook in the photo. Which generally is how that works when people tag stuff, especially with BTS duos, its their unit name. They also tagged "bts" and "army" in there too 😂

Them at the MET Rooftop Garden where Namjoon gave a speech right before

Idk where the 6 weeks early reservation idea came from, but whatever. Lol Hope that helps!

[crystallizedday]

EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: THIS POST IS OUTDATED!! AN UPDATED RENDITION OF THE AU WILL BE HOPEFULLY POSTED SOON!!

Well

This idea has been in the works for long enough, so I think it’s about time I finally present it.

Fellas

The hyperfixation was too strong for me, and I decided to make something wonderful with it.

I present to all of you nutcases

SAMURAI JACK: DUO OF DOOM

An AU concept I’ve been refining for the past month or so that follows Demongo and Scaramouche as the main characters.

It takes place roughly a few decades after “Jack and the Baby,” but instead of following the timeline set up by season 5, I wanted to take the universe in a bit of a different direction

The AU is organized into 2 seasons, each having 13 episodes, JUST like the original show.

While not all 26 episodes have been fully fleshed out just yet, most of the crucial ones HAVE been, so I wish to share with you all what I have so far…

Season 1:

This season puts us in the shoes of Scaramouche, a full-time assassin looking to make it big.

While the job isn’t EXACTLY something he was passionate about, it pays the bills, so he decided not to be too choosy. He at least enjoys the fame that comes with it, even if his mechanical heart is still rooted in music.

However, he isn’t the only one looking to make it big in the assassination business.

There seems to be an entire group of assassins, a syndicate, who aren’t too happy about an “outsider” trudging through their terf, and they aim to put a stop to it.

While Scaramouche feels he is more than capable of handling these wannabes, one of his squabbles with them led to him stumbling upon a creature that proved to be quite a nuisance, a soul-eater who keeps swooping in and stealing his kills.

Even after the initial battle, this entity, Demongo, chooses to follow Scaramouche in his endeavors, certain that such a clumsy fool would lead the demon to more powerful warriors for him to imprison.

Episode 1 — After being cornered and losing the upper hand, Scaramouche is “saved” from being turned into scrap by Demongo, who steals the soul of the worn-out assassin to add to his ever-growing army.

Episode 2 — I don’t have anything specific planned for this episode outside of the two bickering for the majority of it and only coming to an agreement at the end of it: Demongo can take the souls of their bounties, and Scara will take the credit so he can get the money from it. Demmy doesn’t care about money anyway, so he’s fine with this outcome.

Episode 3 — While I don’t have the details down just yet, I have a few loose ideas for it. By now, Scara only has a boring-ass flute, a boring-ass scimitar, and a boring-ass knife, so Demmy decides to lead Scara to a place where he could get that pathetic little knife of his upgraded. I can see Demmy picking a fight when he shouldn’t have, almost getting his ass beat when Scara saves him (the guy helps rank in the money, so why let him get squashed?).

By the end of the episode, Scara is worn the fuck out, and immediately assumes his soul was gonna get snatched by Demmy cause of it… but it doesn’t happen. Instead, Demmy just tells him to suck it up so they could get a move on. They eventually get the knife upgraded, Demmy marveling on how delightfully destructive it is while Scara is still processing what happened earlier.

Demongo probably knew he could’ve easily taken Scara’s soul back there, but chose not to. Interesting…

Episode 4 — I don’t have anything for this episode yet.

Episode 5 — Ezekiel and Josephine Clench are the main antagonists of this episode, wanting to snatch a bounty from Scara and Demmy (the bounty probably being some poor passenger on a train, just so the setting can match the one the divorced couple originally appeared in). The only issue is Ezekiel and Josephine keep trying to betray the other to claim the bounty, which lead to both of their inevitable defeat. Even if they also have their disagreements, Scara and Demmy can at least recognize that working together certainly gave the two the upper hand, and squabbling like the Clenches was PROBABLY gonna get them killed as well. This is the point where the two start becoming decent friends.

Episode 6 — We get to see where exactly Scara has been crashing this whole time at the start of the episode, which is… a weirdly isolated lil home, something that certainly surprised Demongo, who assumed the big guy would be living a more social, lavish personal life. Regardless, since Demongo was entrusted to stay here to begin with, he decides to return the favor and try enchanting Scara’s scimitar to be a little more useful in battle, fucking up the entire thing thanks to Scaramouche running his mouth and scatting in the middle of all of it. The scimitar now only responds to his scatting SPECIFICALLY, which Scara doesn’t seem to mind, even if Demmy certainly does.

Ah, and this is also the episode featuring two of my ocs, Spunk and Clunk, twin robotic jesters working for the syndicate. They are mainly there to encourage the two knuckleheads to try combining their fighting styles to get the upper hand and catch their opponents off guard.

The two bots probably followed Demmy and Scara, but instead of reporting back to the syndicate on their whereabouts, they decide to confront the two bozos, confident they could take the demon and the inferior model down. The two jesters work in perfect harmony, mirroring each other’s moves. Acrobatics is the name of the game for them, making them extremely hard to hit. Demmy and Scara decide to combine their fighting styles to take these two clowns down. Fittingly enough, the scimitar deals the final blow to the last jester standing, making Demongo glad he at least got the enchantment to work at all.

Episode 7 — This is a “filler” episode where Scara decides to take Demongo with him to a shopping district to spend some extra cash they snagged. This is where Demongo has his first outfit change (since Scaramouche was not letting this fucker walk another step wearing nothing but a vampire cape). This is also where Demongo gets properly acquainted with modern society for the first time, since bro knows jack-shit about it thanks to “growing up” in the Pit of Hate. Needless to say, bro quickly finds out he has a really intense sweet tooth. KWMSOSMDOXKDOCK

The plot kicks in when Demmy spots something that catches his eye, a cute lil amulet with a gorgeous labradorite gemstone encased within it (both cause it’s my favorite gemstone of all time and cause of the common meanings behind the gemstone itself… cause I’m a fucking nerd KAKAOSMOSMD).

Scara takes notice and decides to purchase the lil thing for Demmy, just cause. Plus, with the amulet itself being advertised as a sort of “good luck” charm that’s supposed to provide clarity and “good vibes”, I’m sure Scara would jokingly justify the purchase by saying it sounds like the perfect gift for the lil fiery fella KWWKOSMSODMDODM

Considering Demmy is not exaclty familiar with the concept of doing nice things just because, he is absolutely baffled by this, which is VERY clear in his unusually timid voice when he tries to speak in this instance. He asks what Scara wants in return, thinking there’s strings attached, but Scara’s like “Oh, you don’t need to get lil ol me anything for this. Consider it as a thank you gift for being an excellent work partner!”

Needless to say, Demmy is absolutely puzzled by this, not understanding why Scara would waste money on him for something this minute.

Throughout the rest of the episode, Demmy holds on to the lil thing like it’s his god damn lifeline, finding it too important to not keep close, even if he doesn’t exactly know why.

Eventually, Scara needs to go take care of something (probably talk to an old friend perhaps) and lets Demmy wander the district on his own while he’s gone, trusting he’d stay out of trouble…

Demmy soon ends up in a squabble, most likely a casual passerby at the shopping district who can fairly hold their own in a tussle. Perhaps Demmy bumped into him without looking and Demmy, not being too great with people, said the wrong shit and escalated the situation.

This squabble gradually escalates until the amulet is knocked out of Demmy’s grasp, causing the gem to fall out of its casing.

While no real damage is visible, Demmy believes this meant the poor thing was broken.

And while even he can’t understand why

This causes Demongo to snap

Tearing the poor guy a new one.

And I’m not talking about bro summoning warriors to do his dirty work, no.

Demmy TEARS through this guy, going full-on cat mode on this guy KQNWKSMSODMDODM

This absolutely gets the attention of others around him, which probably gets Scara’s attention as bro has to race back and pull Demmy out of there to calm him down.

After the guy Demmy attacked runs off (probably scared shitless at this point), Scara advices that the two bounce before they get in even more trouble. Demmy scoops back up the labradorite and the amulet casing and follows Scara out of there.

On their way back to Scara’s place, they talk about what happened on the way back, the big guy surprisingly being pretty interested in how impressive Demmy’s own strength and drive back there was, noting how he’s never seen the lil guy fight that passionately before.

Demmy is even unsure of what got into him, feeling embarrassed when admitting he only snapped after that lil amulet broke, feeling ridiculous for being so attached to something so trivial.

Scara felt a lil touched Demmy liked the gift that much, and reassured Demmy that the amulet wasn’t broken, taking the casing and gem from Demmy so he could manually place the gemstone back in, noting how it might need some further reinforcement to keep the lil gem in there this time around.

This definitely made Demmy feel a lil stupid, absolutely exploding over something that wasn’t even broken, but Scara shrugs the ordeal off, saying it was at least nice to see Demmy had a lot of fight in him that he could potentially refine for future confrontations.

Scara also notes how it was a miracle the gem itself didn’t even scratch after falling out of its casing, calling it a “tough lil guy” for making it out unscathed, which gets a laugh out of Demmy for sure.

I like to think that like

To close off the episode, after realizing Demmy most likely isn’t used to receiving shit out of pure kindness, Scara jokingly says something like “Guess I’ll have to get you more stuff in the future so it’s not as foreign of a concept. Spoil you a bit, maybe,” and the two have a good laugh at it.

Just some cute shit that hints at their growing relationship.

Episode 8 — The two are looking to find a way to enchant Scara’s prized flute as well so it can be used in battle. In trying to find the right place to get it enchanted (since Demmy doesn’t trust himself to not fuck shit up again after last time), they find themselves being stalked by someone hired by the syndicate to get rid of them. I like to think this mysterious person is Mira, the Princess looking to free her people. Perhaps she was promised a way to help her people by the head-honcho of the syndicate. Really, I just wanna use as many og characters as I can and make sure they’re used in meaningful ways... oh and the flute does get enchanted at the end. Forgot to mention that.

Episode 9 — This is another filler episode, cause I like the idea of Scara teaching Demmy how to properly dance and I wanna see that shit happen. I’m sure Demmy will find a way to make use of that talent in battle. At this point, the two have become VERY close, and Demmy has let himself loosen up quite a bit. I have nothing else figured out about this episode.

Perhaps this episode can introduce another member of the syndicate, but I don’t have a design or even concept for em in mind, so uh… :p

Episode 10 — This is a funny fuckin idea. Thanks to alcohol being flammable, I can absolutely see Demongo being a lightweight, so I’m thinking Scara makes the terrible mistake of taking Demmy to a tavern (probably the same tavern Da Samurai was seen in all those years ago). Thanks to his intoxication, Demmy gets the two of them in a shit-ton of trouble... There’s definitely a bar fight scene here, cause I think they’re funny.

I AM considering throwing a lil curveball in here at some point. Y’all familiar with the idea of being intoxicated makes ya more susceptible to talking about things and thoughts that you’d normally keep under wraps? I’m thinking about applying that here, where at the end of the episode, Demmy (still very much intoxicated) out of nowhere asks Scara why the big guy is being so damn nice to him. He asks this not just because the two were not on the best of terms just a few months ago, but also because he is under the mindset that he needs to repay that kindness, a mindset that came about due to working under Aku (even if Aku’s “kindness” more so comes in the form of being allowed to live or be apart of his higher ranks and shit). He starts rambling about how he feels he can never fully repay that kindness and is stressed the fuck out about it. Of course, Scara reassures him that he doesn’t need to repay shit, and he chooses to be nice to him cause he likes hanging out with the lil guy. Saying this confuses Demmy is an understatement, but Scara tells em that they’ll properly talk about it once bro is actually sober. The episode ends with Scara taking him back home (probably carrying him cause I like being self indulgent like that IWNWKWMWOSKSOS).

Episode 11 — The episode starts out with Demongo attempting to play Scaramouche’s flute, and failing miserably. Since Demmy does not have ANY experience with modern media, Scara decided it would be a funny idea to take the lil shit to go see a movie. Unfortunately, Demmy doesn’t understand when to keep his mouth shut and ends up getting the both of them kicked out afterwards. This doesn’t bother the lil shit though as he starts laying out how he would’ve written such a thing, seeing the original piece of work as a “flawed, uninspired mess” and such. However, he accidentally lets a few things slip, such as his questionable stance on authority and his fear of failure. Before Scara can ask about any of this, the two of them realize that Demmy no longer had Scara’s flute, losing it at some point. Demmy, in an extremely vulnerable state, zips off in a panic, but is quickly found again by Scara, who talks with him about what’s going on.

This is where the real meat of Demmy’s character gets revealed (even if hints of it have certainly popped up here and there in the past). He reveals how he was sent back to the Pit of Hate to be punished after failing to kill Samurai Jack. He was only able to leave once he regained the strength to bust out of there himself, and fears what his ex-master would think if he ever found out about this… which is something that Scara isn’t sure how to feel about, especially since he’s been wanting to climb the ranks to get Aku’s attention ever since he became an assassin.

Demmy feared being punished for slipping up yet again, letting down another individual he admittedly looked up to. TLDR, bro is NOT doing okay, and Scara decides to comfort the lil guy. Once Demmy is able to pick himself back up, the two try to head back to the theater when another character stops them. This fella (definitely an oc I need to design) appears to be a fellow music-lover, and (not recognizing who these two were) decided to return the flute to its rightful owner. The fella decides to let the two know about this one village where hundreds of people gather to party and dance and shit, thinking the two would be interested, which leads us to…

Episode 12 — The rave episode. This is where shit gets FUNKY… and extremely self-indulgent.

Donning some flashier outfits, Scara and Demmy decide to head to this “rave” to see what it’s all about, just cause. However, throughout most of the episode, Demmy struggles to tell Scara something and does not know how to approach him about it.

The details here get a lil fuzzy since I haven’t really mapped out how the middle section of the episode goes, but eventually, a few assassins from the syndicate track the two down and attempt to be rid of them once and for all, but with all the bright lights and dancers about, it makes things more difficult than they wanted it to be.

Eventually, the assassins get their chance to attack, but the duo handle the situation with ✨style✨, and it’s only NOW when Demongo finally musters up the courage to confess to Scara (via gestures, since Demmy couldn’t find the words for it and ultimately just said “fuck it”). Scara reciprocates the gesture, but advised that the two of them take care of the dudes trying to kill them first before talking about the subject any further, which Demmy agreed on.

Once that’s all said and done, the episode ends with the two heading home, taking a moment to talk about what they are now and where do they go from here.

I don’t care how self-indulgent this is, but RIGHT as the episode’s about to conclude, I can see the two sharing their first kiss!

Look

I’m shipping trash.

This was inevitable WJJWJWSNWIKSOSMS

Ah, and one more thing.

When Demmy tries to confess to Scara, HE doesn’t know what he’s confessing to.

All HE knows is that Scara makes him the happiest he’s ever been in his lifetime, and he wanted to find the right opportunity to open up about it.

It isn’t until Scara straight up tells Demmy what those feelings mean when Demmy finally understands he’s been crushing on the big guy this entire time…

And how Scara could tell for a while since Demongo is NOT good at outwardly hiding those feelings KANWKSMOSNDKXNCON

I like to think even though Scara felt the same, he wanted to wait for Demmy to come out and say it first… which technically did happen, just not the way Scara expected OWMWOSMWODMSOKDON

It sounds cheesy, but I like the idea of Demmy at first not knowing what these emotions were all about and what they meant cause well

I’ve experienced that shit before

And I thought such a thing was too cute NOT to find an excuse to use it in my writing at some point OWMWKWMWOMCODCODNVOFM

Anyway uh

Small tangent over.

Episode 13 — I WISH I had a fully fleshed out version of this episode prepared, but at the moment, all I know for certain is that this is where the two finally decide to face off against the heart of the syndicate and get these guys off their back once and for all, thus allowing them to take the title of the world’s greatest assassins… by technicality.

Perhaps the two go after a fake bounty and walk right into a trap, being taken to the whereabouts of the big boss himself (who I see as this round alien slug lookin guy with robotic crab legs, probably with the overall build of the spider boss guy from Monsters Inc.).

Maybe the big guy offers Scara to betray Demmy and join the syndicate, promising the tin can a financially stable life where he will never be looked down by others again. Not only does Scara refuse for Demmy’s sake, but calls out how the big guy could’ve given Demmy a similar offer, either because he fears what the soul collector is capable of…

Or because he wants to turn Demmy in to Aku.

And Scara was NOT having that,

The two fight side by side, taking down hordes of fighters until one of ‘em can get a good hit on the big boss and leave him defenseless, Demmy being given the honor to do the final blow with the scimitar… with Scara’s help since that shit is heavy as fuck.

The two definitely celebrate like a bunch of dorks at the end of it, acting like they just didn’t murder dozens and dozens of people LWMWKSMEODKODFKOFMFKML

At the very least, this victory meant these guys wouldn’t be bothering the two of em anymore…

Season 2:

A few months have passed since the last episode as the two start to adjust to their new life as a couple.

The start of this season focuses on the two retrieving the old souls Demongo had lost during his first battle with Samurai Jack, the two eventually deciding to seek out the samurai so they can defeat him once and for all.

But things do not go as planned, especially since Demongo is still hesitant about immediately going back to serving his old master.

Episode 14 — The season starts out in the perspective of two demons working under Aku as his form of law enforcement. These two had just gotten word of Demongo’s recent activity, desperate to capture him and return him to the Pit of Hate. After all, these two demons were THE guards originally assigned to keep an eye on Demongo when facing his eternal punishment, but had been too negligent and let him slip away. They never informed Aku of this fact, fearing what the big guy would do to the two of them if he knew that one of his most dangerous minions was on the loose.

The two demons frantically ask around to see if anyone has seen that deity trouble-maker, but no one can give them any leads.

This leads to a cute lil scene transition where one of the demons goes “Where could that forsaken traitor be??” only for the episode to immediately cut to Demmy and Scara waking up together with the most wholesome domestic vibes you can think of OWMWKWMKWSMOSMSOSMDODMD

After a cute lil morning routine segment, the two knuckleheads head off to find themselves another bounty, only to stumble across quite the scenario. The Titan Demongo once controlled has been running amok in a populated area, and while Scara and Demmy initially did not care to take care of it (assuming Jack would come in to save the day), when the beast kept raging on with no one else stepping up to the challenge, the two decide to take care of this beast before it causes any more problems. Plus, Demmy could really use the extra strength provided by such a beast. After all, in this universe, Demmy can harness the strength and abilities of the souls he collects, a power that will come in handy down the road…

Curious as to why Jack did not arrive to the scene, the two decide to make it their mission to find Samurai Jack for themselves, actively seeking out people who might know a thing or two and interrogating them on the subject.

Episode 15 — The duo seek out the four distinct souls that Demongo used to fight Samurai Jack all those years ago: the knight, the white tiger, the four-armed warrior, and the black samurai. None of them no longer being in their prime certainly made defeating them rather easy, even if each of them had their own special… quirks that delayed the inevitable…

Like the knight guy. I wanna give him Don Quixote vibes.

Episode 16 — I have nothing planned for this episode at the moment.

Episode 17 — I only have the main idea for this episode thought out, which is how the two come across the three singing sirens that once hypnotized Jack long ago. However, their singing does not work.

Why?

Because this version of Demongo is absolutely gay, and Scaramouche (despite being pan) is far too prideful in his own singing to fall for somebody else’s.

And this pisses the sirens OFF.

Episode 18 — I’m not sure EXACTLY how I want this episode to go, but all I know is that THIS is where the two find the Scotsman along with his… INCREDIBLY large family, and decide to fight him to interrogate him on the whereabouts of Jack.

I want the Scotsman to survive this fight, so I’m thinking what happens is his daughters (who are like… still VERY young at this point) enter the fight as well to protect their father against his own wishes (and perhaps the others in his clan also chime in), forcing Scara and Demongo to retreat… but not without at least a LITTLE bit of vital info as to where Jack could be (even if I’m unsure what it would be just yet).

Episode 19 — This episode is a bit of a parody of the “Jack and the Baby” episode. The duo stumble across a random-ass baby and, despite Demongo being so incredibly disgusted by it, Scara does not have the heart to abandon the poor thing, so they keep the lil thing until they can find someone else who will take care of it for them.

Needless to say, neither of these nutcases should be fathers.

… also, the father of the baby is DEFINITELY the grown up baby from the ORIGINAL “Jack and the Baby” episode.

Cause that shit’s funny.

Episode 20 — This is where shit hits the fan.

The two find Samurai Jack, but he’s barely recognizable. Age has certainly taken a toll on his physical appearance, and he has dressed himself in armor that made it almost impossible to tell it was him.

Before the three fight, Demongo notices how “the fire in his soul had dwindled” since the last time the demon has faced off against him. This made Scaramouche realize that Jack’s sword was nowhere to be seen, and while he and Demongo at first suspected he was simply hiding the sword, they eventually put two and two together to figure out Jack no longer had the sword. However, even though Scara wanted the details on what exactly happened (so he can make fun of Jack for it), Jack attacks, starting the fight.

At some point during the battle, Scara gets badly wounded, and Demongo stops fighting to try and patch him up the best he can. This surprises Jack, not knowing a demon like Demongo could express such concern for another living being like this. Of course, Demmy is incredibly offended by this assumption.

However, Jack then proposes something. He tells the two how they may put themselves in danger by taking him out and submitting to Aku. Scara brushes it off at first, but Demongo…

Knowing what would happen if either of them ever failed Aku again…

Demongo hears Jack out, fearing what Aku would do to Scaramouche in a worse case scenario.

Jack offers the two the chance to take his side, to stop Aku once and for all.

While Jack does not have his sword (as it got destroyed at some point, much like in the comic), he has been searching for decades for a way to get it back, and is confident Demongo could help in some way.

Scara refuses at first, finding disgust in the idea of working with a guy that wants to erase centuries-worth of history and everyone in it just to save whatever the past was like for him.

But Demmy quietly proposes to Scara that they simply get rid of Aku first, then Jack. Scara is still confused as to why he of all people would want to side with Jack, and while Demongo despises the idea as well… he simply cannot trust his old master to not harm Scaramouche in the future.

The two decide to take Jack’s deal, even if they’re not entirely happy about it.

Episode 21 — The daughters of Aku make an appearance in this episode, but instead of being nine twins, almost all of them are from different mothers, all training under the head cultist to become stronger. Only two of them are twins that came from the head cultist: Ashi and Aki. They are the youngest of the nine, and by that I mean they are actually just children that are being indoctrinated to be merciless warriors. The other sisters are much older and have heavily-varying body types to make them a little more distinct from one another, and in accordance to their signature weapons. The weapons themselves are actually why Ashi and Aki are twins, since they wield the same weapon in canon. None of them have the essence of Aku in them because that whole plot point is just plain silly to me and causes WAY too many plot holes for my liking.

Meanwhile, Jack has recruited the Scotsman to help the gang out, and the big guy is NOT happy to be working with the two assassins that tried to kill him… ESPECIALLY Demongo.

I’ve been looking into the topic of the fae recently, and I thought it would be a funny nod to its lore for the Scotsman to genuinely think Demongo was part of the fae and insult him as such, which Demmy take GREAT offense to.

What none of them realize is that there was someone else following the group in secret, which turns out to be one of Scotsman’s daughters, Flora. Despite not even being a teenager yet, she still had the fiery fighting spirit of her father, and wished to be sure her father would be safe from the goons that attacked him before. Of course, she tries to ensure her father doesn’t suspect her presence, knowing he’d disapprove of her risking her own life for his sake.

However, the main gang’s squabbling is interrupted when the daughters and the head cultist arrive, the latter being there to personally ensure the death of the samurai.

While Jack handled the head cultist and the duo handled most of the daughters, the Scotsman found himself up against the two youngest twins, who he just did not have the heart to fight, even if the two were more than willing to tear him apart.

This is when Flora makes her presence known, defending her father from the twins, much to Scotsman’s disapproval. However, seeing someone their age fight for someone she deeply cares about, the twins start to reconsider their alliance. Scotsman actively telling his daughter how he refuses to let her fight and get herself hurt is the final nail in the coffin for the twins, since their own mother was not nearly as considerate. This is where they start asking questions, such as why would the Scotsman refuse to let his child fight in battle and such, all culminating to the big guy letting the fatherly instincts kick in and deciding he was going to be a MUCH better parent to these two than the head cultist ever was… much to Flora’s displeasure.

By the time this is said and done, the other three have taken care of the of the daughters and the head cultist, Jack wishing they could’ve found a way to get through to the other daughters as well… but Demongo immediately dismisses that thought.

The demon at LEAST tries to butter up the Scotsman and try to make a proper alliance, but the big guy still hates his guts, deciding to take Flora and his new daughters home… especially since the former was MOST DEFINITELY grounded for that little stunt she pulled.

I can see Demongo just shrugging it off, telling Jack “Well, you can’t say I didn’t TRY” cause I feel like he’d rub it in Jack’s face how him trying to be nice for once absolutely failed KWMWKWMWOSMWOD

Episode 22 — Scara, Demmy, and Jack come across an old house seemingly in the middle of nowhere, most of which being covered in a botanical mess of plants and vines and shit. They were going to ignore it when Scaramouche felt interested in investigating the residence, and so the three proceeded inside the home.

While they dig deeper and deeper into the home, Scara keeps getting brief and vague flashbacks to something, but he can’t quite remember the details too well. It’s only when he alone eventually discovers the miniature lab underneath the home when his memories become active again (ya know… like a computer booting up old videos and shit).

He starts remembering the first few moments of becoming active, with his creator welcoming him into a world. As present Scara starts going back to all the weird shit the three of them found, he starts to recover more and more memories, up until he recalls his creator’s last words to him. Present Scara stops to stare at a broken window, a piece of cloth still being stuck in one of the many shards. Judging from the barely visible insignia featured on it, it appeared to have once belonged to one of the members of the syndicate from season one.

His creator had a bounty on his head.

Demongo has been asking if Scara was alright throughout the entire ordeal, but ultimately, Scara simply tells him that this place just reminded him of some simple, distant memories. Demmy, while still suspecting something major was up and thus trying to be as supportive as he can, accepts the explanation for now.

Before they depart, Jack eventually chimes in to ask if Scara knew what this place was and who used to live here, the big guy eventually replying with “No.”

Episode 23 — The episode starts with Jack briefly parting ways with the duo so he can get some answers as to how he can either return or replace his sword. Since Demmy and Scara weren’t too fond of going on such a boring journey, they’re happy to stay behind. After Jack wanders about, coming across all sorts of oddities (like maybe stumbling across the Grim Reaper, the one from Billy and Mandy making a brief cameo thanks to how THAT universe is seemingly connected to all other CN properties). Eventually, he stumbles across the portal guardian, who has grown old and frail, but NOT from proper aging. He tells Jack about how “the timeline has shifted”, and how he can no longer see into the future like he used to. He is uncertain of what will happen next, and tells Jack to be careful, for nothing is certain anymore. Jack returns to Demmy and Scara, who SEEMINGLY have just been goofing off for the entire episode. Jack is absolutely traumatized by what he just witnessed… but decides it’s not worth talking to these two about it. Plus, the two don’t seem to care anyway.

Episode 24 — This episode starts with the EXACT same setup as episode 23, but instead of focusing on Jack’s perspective, it focuses on Scara and Demmy’s perspective. After the two have some silly banter, Demmy decides to talk about his “upbringing” and how he is quite literally the only one of his “species” due to how his creation required not only PLENTY of resources, but also VERY precise conditions. He throws some little nuggets of information in there, like how he is basically made entirely of carbon, more so than any human or similar organic creature. Scara is fascinated by this, but gets a curveball thrown at him when Demmy asks about HIS creation.

At first, Scara is VERY but hesitant, but eventually gives in and tells Demmy about his background, his creator, and even the last conversation the two of them had. Demmy is quite fascinated by the idea of Scara seeing the old man as “his dad”, especially since Demmy himself doesn’t have any equivalent to that. Can’t have a parental figure if you’re just a weird creature that just POPPED out of the ground one day. However, Scara reassured him that it probably was for the best the small demon never had a parental figure.

He tells the lil guy about how his old man wanted the big fella to live a good life, and he good to others in turn… and feels a bit gross knowing that he eventually turned to the same kind of job that got the poor old man killed, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. Even if Demmy is not the best with comforting (in fact, I’d wager he’s typically kind of shit at it), he tries reassuring the big guy that the two of them are at LEAST doing some good NOW. Even so, Scara knows all this was just temporary, and admits he is a little afraid of trying to start a clean life if they were to ever take down Aku.

Demmy, who had once thrived off of the idea of being a menace to others, decided he was willing to at least attempt to be better if it meant helping his big tin can partner out, which is something even Scara is surprised to see, but he doesn’t reject the idea. Ultimately, the two decide to try and “wing it”, see where this plan to take down Aku goes. The two start gushing about one another when Jack finally returns, which mirrors how the previous episode ended. Neither party knows what just happened, nor do they care to tell each other.

Episode 25 — I’m not entirely sure what this episode will entail either, but I’m at least certain it will involve Jack gaining “his sword” back, or at least a spiritual rendition of it, much like what happened in the comics. However, this alone would not defeat Aku once and for all, and Jack knew that well, so he still trusted Demmy and Scara to help him take down the big guy for good.

Episode 26 — This is the episode where the big fight with Aku happens.

I dunno how it starts, but I sure as hell know how it ends.

While the three are able to decently weaken Aku, they are unable to do the finishing blow. The battle keeps going, wearing out the three while Aku keeps on fighting.

However, due to Aku’s weakened state, Demongo gets an idea, a DANGEROUS idea.

He decides to try and take the essence of Aku himself, which

To everyone’s surprise

Actually works!

An Aku-shaped skull forms on Demongo’s chest, solidifying his control over his former master.

While Jack is hesitant as to what Demongo would do next, one of the first things Demmy does is harness Aku’s powers to provide a portal into the past, offering Jack a chance to go back into the past and right Aku’s wrongs. Despite it being the main theme of the original show, Jack refuses, choosing to stay in the present and help the people that still needed his aid here.

Demongo was extremely relieved to hear that, not only cause he didn’t want to risk himself and Scara being erased from existence, but also because Demmy KNEW someone was going to have to take Aku’s place as ruler, and he… weirdly didn’t want that.

The old Demongo would have dreamed of this day to come, but not THIS Demongo. He just wanted to live a simple-ish life with Scara, finally feeling content with himself.

Eventually, the two make a deal.

Due to Demongo having Aku’s essence, he would become the new public figure, donning a new emperor outfit & everything. However, he alone would not be the one to make the big decisions and shit.

He of course had Scara, who he’d ensure would live a more comfortable life by his side, but he didn’t wanna put any kind of pressure on the big guy to help him out.

No.

That kinda power would be put in Jack’s hands.

After all, he IS the son of the original emperor.

Despite this, Jack spends most of his time traveling the land and helping those in need, ensuring peace throughout the world…

…

Also, if there would be any kind of epilogue of sorts, it would DEFINITELY involve the two dorks getting married, because I’m based like that. :))) KWMWKWMWOSM

Alrighty!!

Now that the entire AU’s basic outline is out of the way, I wanna share some art I made exclusively for this AU so far!

First off, since I plan for Demongo to have alternative outfits as the story progresses, I made 3 additional default outfits for him to don.

All three of these outfits were initially designed by @tigerarainbowra-blog while I only tweaked them a bit, so you can thank her for these AWESOME outfits!

This one with the BEEG shoulder pad jackets is a favorite of mine (making its initial appearance in the rave episode), and is definitely the one bro is seen the MOST in throughout the entire AU.

Meanwhile, this last one is only seen halfway into season 2 once he gets used to being around Jack.

Scaramouche also had alternative outfits as well, but I haven’t gotten around to designing them just yet, so :p

Aside from additional outfits, I also have whipped up some designs for some original characters that’ll appear in this AU!

These two, Spunk and Clunk (named by the lovely @aceofcards0715 ), were heavily inspired by the two jester robots seen in the GBA game “Samurai Jack: Amulet of Time”.

The diamonds on their arms are supposed to be in relation to the syndicate, even if I haven’t quite figured out the details or it yet.

I was fascinated by just how similar these two looked compared to Scaramouche, so I doubled down on that idea.

You can see these guys as like

Newer models that were created using the same schematics for Scaramouche himself.

Cause I’m sure those schematics are out there SOMEWHERE…

Speaking of Scaramouche, I felt like giving the fella a BIT of a backstory, so I decided that instead of, say, being created by a bunch of evil scientists…

He was instead built by a retired one, who left once he had enough of the twisted work Aku put him through.

He is where Scaramouche gets a lot of his more humane quirks, even if the big guy doesn’t really remember his creator all too well.

The details are fuzzy…

Tigera also was the one to originally make Fern’s design.

Honestly, she’s been a BIG help with this AU, both with the designs and the episodes themselves, I couldn’t thank her enough for it!

Go check her out if you haven’t already! She’s SUPER talented!

Anyway

I have plenty of more original characters I want to properly flesh out, and a lot of new designs for some familiar faces (since this AU DOES take place a few decades after season 4 of the original series), so this will NOT be the last time you hear about this AU.

Oh no…

THIS is just the BEGINNING…

Although, please do keep in mind that this is just a concept I made for funsies, so I don’t plan on actually doing anything BIG with it.

Additionally, some details are subject to change…

HOWEVER, despite all of that, I hope what I CAN provide is still overall engaging!

I MIGHT just write out some of these episodes in the future, if I can garner the motivation for it…

For now though, I hope you all enjoyed this brief lil glimpse into the funni shit that occupies my brain on a daily basis! KWNWKWMWOSMOSDM

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Hey! So…I’ve basically been trying to figure out how to go about continuing my tma posts these past few weeks. As I said in an earlier post, I plan to put out shorter posts that basically contain bullet points of my thoughts and theories, provided I have enough to justify such, and maybe make some longer analyses if I have the time, energy and inspiration.

However, with my school year beginning in like…a day from now, I’ve still been pretty busy and haven’t had much time to both listen to tma and sort out how I want to go about these posts going forward. So until then…here’s basically everything I worked on before I made the decision to quit these longer-form posts! I’ve decided that I don’t want all of the time spent writing this to pay off so…here you go!

This will be the final post on tma of this fashion I make, covering my thoughts on Episodes 81-84. …Not a very climactic one to end on, I know, but what are you gonna do? Fight me? Kill me? I DARE you. I FUCKING DARE YOU! YOU HEAR ME?! I AM NOT KIDDING AROUND!!!

…sorry about that. Anyways, as always, please don’t spoil anything beyond this point for me, don’t read this if you haven’t gotten this far in tma, please read the seven posts that precede this one if you’re going to read this one, and all trigger warnings for everything in tma up until MAG 84 apply! Hope you have fun reading! :) (also yes, as always this is very long, so please take breaks. It’s not as long as the last one since it’s unfinished, but…pretty close.)

Link to the post explaining the changes I’m planning to make, which in turn links my masterpost:

- Episode 81, A Guest for Mr. Spider 🥀

Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding a childhood encounter with a book formerly possessed by Jurgen Leitner. Statement recorded by subject.

I...uh... I...I...wow. That. Um. I just. I...still can't really believe I heard all of that. Um...I mean, I guess I was right when I said that Season 3 would premiere with some pretty big changes, but...damn, they really couldn't give me a break to start off, could they? Like, Anglerfish and Too Deep, while still pretty damn plot relevant, are ultimately used for the purpose of easing you into the status quos of their respective seasons. But this? Yeah, good luck handling THE ARCHIVIST'S TRAGIC BACKSTORY right after Brutal Pipe Murder! Just...oh god I'm in for a lot this season, aren't I? But that is absolutely not a problem, because...holy shit, this episode is...kind of perfect? Like..it is just absolutely everything I could've asked for, and then some. I'm very hesitant to just outright claim this as my favorite episode, both due to recency bias and also the fact that...I still feel like I might need to adjust to the whole vibe of Season 3 first, but like...I would not be surprised if this came out on top for me, because...it's just that phenomenal. It's so beautifully written and narrated, every line feels like it carries so much weight to it. Even though I didn't know what I really wanted out of Jon's backstory, beyond him just...having one in the first place, this episode STILL gave me everything I think I could reasonably desire from it. And like...oh my god, THE CONNECTIONS?! Well, ok, as far as I know the episode doesn't really connect to any previous plot points in any super explicit ways, beyond the obvious exceptions of Leitner and The Spider, but like...still! There's so many odd little anomalies that feel like they're all connecting back to a bunch of different things, and to be completely honest...I feel like this episode had reframed the way I look at so much of tma up until this point. I guess that's to be expected...but WOW. It just...this one went so above and beyond in so many ways, and I absolutely loved it. It terrified me, it left me in awe, and now I am silently anticipating and dreading what the rest of this god-forsaken podcast has in store for me. I...honestly don't think I'll be able to cover everything this episode has in it. Not only because I feel like there's so many little details hidden here that no one could possibly notice at this point in the story, but also because...well, I'm already kind of overloaded with all of the blatantly super important stuff in this episode, and when you add on the fact that i'm still kind of reeling from The Librarian two weeks after listening to it, and how I still feel kind of in the dark as to...what Season 3 will even be like, and...yeah, I can't trust myself to be 100% comprehensive here without writing another novel. God, I HOPE this post isn't another novel. Like, I love this episode more than my non-existent children...but I'm going to need some downtime sooner rather than later. So uh...yeah, just don't expect me to nail down every detail in this work of art, and DO expect me to make references to this episode in a lot of future segments, because...I have no doubt that it's really important, and that I'll probably come to a lot more realizations about it later down the line. Well...I don't want to draw this out much longer, so let's just begin!

Ok...I think I'm in a clearer state of mind now when it comes to The Librarian. Don't get me wrong...a LOT is still playing on my mind. The books, the downfall of the library, Leitner himself, the nature of the institute, the information on Micheal and The Distortion, the lore on Gertrude, everything we learned about Elias, the hints towards The Unknowing, just...all of the insane worldbuilding given by the explanation of ✨the horrors✨, and of course...the sound effects which I can only assume represent Elias trying to get something that's stuck in a vending machine out by violently shaking it. To be honest I'm still absolutely feral about all of this...but the best thing I can do right now is recognize that it's in the past. It happened, it was insane and definitely remains important...but I just need to push forward, focus on the present, think about it when it's relevant, and just try my best to accept the new status quo. Speaking of which, how about that new status quo? Well...as I said, it's still a little bit hard to pin down, hence why I'm still trying to adjust to Season 3, and why I...still can't definitively say whether or not The Librarian works as a season finale, although I'm like...90% sure it does at this point. I should note, however, that I have actually listened to the Season 2 Q&A, and the Season 3 trailer. I'll...discuss the latter when I feel like I'm more able to, but from the former, I know that Season 3 will be bouncing between Jon's place of hiding and the institute. While I don't know at what frequency, nor do I...really know what's going on at the institute beyond the vague hints of the Season 3 trailer, I definitely think it's the best course of action for structuring this season either way. But uh...for now, we're looking at Jon.

So...yeah, as expected, he fled the institute after discovering Leitner's body in his office. Now, we don't actually learn where he even is until the very end of the episode, which....certainly kept me on the edge of my seat all throughout, but for now...I just want to analyze what his absence from the institute even means. On a more meta level...I mean, it's certainly going to shake things up. While THIS episode might be a statement like always...it's a very clear exception in the fact that, well...Jon himself is the one giving it. It's not like he has access to an archive of a bajillion old statements to read in his current location, and with the technical exception of one person, it's unlikely that anyone will be coming up to him, fully aware that he's Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London, at least nowadays. So...my question is, if we're still going to have a decent focus on him this season...what are they even going to do with him? While the current situation at the institute is still somewhat unclear, I get the feeling that we'll still be having classic statements in the episodes take place there, since...well, with the exception of whatever eldritch Eye servant shenanigans come with the title, anyone can fill Jon's role as Head Archivist as long as they have the...normal qualifications. (Side note, the idea of getting episodes without Jon in them, while kind of sad since I've grown very attached to him and it'll be weird to not have him around, is also very exciting to me, since it likely means that Martin, Tim, and...hopefully Elias will get more fleshed out this season.) But...what does that mean for Jon? What in the hell does the story plan to do with him going forward? I just.....AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! If I had to guess...maybe we'll just get to see him explore the world or something? I'll go into why a bit more later, but I have some decent reason to suspect that this season will...probably show us a good amount of the people we've only heard of in statements, but now in person. Even if he still has a...primary place of residence, at least I think, this new format gives Jon an opportunity to explore the world and encounter things we've only heard whispers of before. This is even...kind of hinted at by Elias in his pre-pipe conversation with Leitner. Well...getting back on track, what does being away from the institute mean for Jon in terms of...like, the lore?

Well, to start off...there's some obvious danger that comes with such a thing. As we know, the institute comes with....certain protections from the paranormal for its employees, ones that aren't offered out in the wild. Elias...might have hinted that Jon will be fine in one way or another, but like...he might have been referring to Gertrude instead? I don't know...that whole scene was really vague. Either way, even if he's not at a risk of death...Jon is still in much more danger than he usually is, not only because of all the monsters that might have easy access to him, but also because he's a suspected murderer, and...well, like I said, I'll talk more about it at a more appropriate time, but...from the trailer, we can tell the law is definitely not intent on letting him get away easily. There's also the matter of his...seemingly complicated relationship with his one and only ally at the moment (...it makes me very sad to know that him and his assistants are in direct opposition to each other now), but...we'll get to that when we get to it. Another thing that makes me curious is how this works wit the whole..."you can't quit the institute" thing. Now, granted, Jon is...definitely a bit different from most of the other people in the institute, and we've only really seen this strange quirk of the place affect Tim...but the fact that Jon is also incapable of firing people makes me think that he's also probably subject to this same rule. So...how exactly is he capable of staying away from the institute? Sure, he didn't officially resign, he just up and left...but surely that shouldn't be allowed, right? Well...what if the one keeping people trapped in the archives is making an exception? You see, while I definitely think the...power of The Eye is involved in the inability to quit, I don't think The Eye itself is the one enforcing this rule. I mean, Leitner kind of suggests that ✨the horrors✨ are...mindless, or at the very least do not function under anything similar to a human mind, and despite The Eye kind of having this...god of knowledge vibe going on, I don't have much reason at the moment to think it's an exception to the rule. However...someone who does have a human mind, someone who has a human will, someone who can wield The Eye's power...maybe they could prevent people from quitting. So...yeah, I think Elias is almost certainly the one responsible for preventing his employees from quitting. I mean, not only does the man seem to be in complete control of the institute, but him killing Leitner shows that he is...especially concerned with making sure everything goes according to...whatever the hell he's planning, and he is more than willing to remove obstacles from the equation. And given how instrumental the archives specifically seem to be to his machinations, I think it makes perfect sense for him to want to prevent people from quitting. And if you recall, while his main reason for murdering Leitner was to hide information and prevent the destruction of the archives, he framed Jon not only to save his own hide, but also because for whatever reason...he WANTS Jon to leave the institute and see the world. So...I don't actually think that the rule against quitting will affect Jon (whatever the consequences to breaking the rule even are), as chances are Elias is deliberately letting him free for...some...reason. ....God he is an anomaly. And...that also makes me think that he might secretly sabotage the police's manhunt for him but...that's neither here nor there. There is...one other thing that grabs my attention when it comes to this new status quo...and that's what it has to do with Jon's status as "The Archivist".

So, Jon outright calls himself the "Former Head Archivist" in this episode (which felt REALLY weird by the way, as did the re-recorded voiceover for the intro)...but I don't think he's entirely right to call himself that. Well, ok, he's right in a way. Even if he hasn't officially resigned from his job, he clearly has no intention of doing said job anymore. He's not in his office reading statements into his tape recorder anymore, (well...with the obvious exception of this episode), he's on the run and doing his own thing, and while I still think he'll be using the recorder, because...you know, it's the whole damn framing device for the story, you can't exactly not use it, I think it's more likely to tie into his desire to not have his story lost to future generations, rather than his previous need to record statements. When you look at his job as just...any other ordinary job, I'm sure someone else will fill his position at the institute, whether it be Martin, Tim, Elias, or someone else entirely, which is...honestly kind of cool...but also just makes it even clearer...HOW different things are about to become...oh god. But...that's the thing. Jon's job...isn't entirely normal. Someone else can probably fill the...regular parts of his position, all they need to do is read and occasionally listen to spooky stories, and then send out some assistants to do the field work. But that's about it. We know from The NotThem that the title of "The Archivist" is more than just a fancy thing for Jon to put on his desk. The title...has great meaning, we don't know WHAT it means at all...but it has purpose, it represents Jon's significance in the greater narrative, it tells us that he isn't just some poor sap who got wrapped up in this whole mess by pure circumstance, but rather a key element in the complex machinations of the story. And...the same probably applied to Gertrude as well, at least for a time. I think this title of "The Archivist" has something to do with...him being "claimed" by The Eye. You see, this episode later makes a pretty big distinction between what it means to be "touched" by one of ✨the horrors✨, and what it means to be "claimed". To be "touched", is...seemingly what happens whenever you come into any sort of contact with them, usually by simple bad luck. An example of this includes what we later learn happened during Jon's childhood, and in my opinion, I think that Tim, Martin, most likely Sasha as well, and really anyone who's ever worked in the archives, or even the institute as a whole, has been "touched" by The Eye. They've encountered it simply by...working at its place of power, and while it can exert some level of control over them (...keep that idea in mind for later, along with the idea that it's not something exclusive to The Eye, because...it will be important), as seen through it preventing Tim from quitting...that control is not nearly as great as what happens when you are "claimed" by one of ✨the horrors✨. I think that to be "claimed" is...what's happened to all of the freaky people. Jane, Mike, Jared, Agnes, Raymond, Simon...the list goes on and on, their connection to ✨the horrors✨ is...a lot deeper. They are capable of wielding the dark powers of these eldritch entities, and it often seems like rather than simply coming across their patrons through sheer circumstance like with those who are "touched", they are deliberately sought after. ...I think this is what's going on with Jon, along with Gertrude, and all of the archivists prior. And...also probably Elias, although it probably happened under different circumstances that don't connect to the title of "Archivist."

So yeah...I think Jon might very well be fated to end up like...all of those guys I just listed. I don't think he's quite there yet, he doesn't seem to possess any supernatural abilities at the moment...but The Eye has still claimed him. He might be able to run away and stop reading those statements...but he's still The Archivist at the end of the day. He can't shake that title off as easily as he thinks he can, whatever it means...it's a part of him now...and that makes me very afraid. I....REALLY don't want him to end up as someone like Jane, all of those people are...at best morally complicated, and while Jon's certainly made some very stupid decisions and been a bit of an asshole here and there...he's nowhere near the level of an insane killer, even if Elias would have his coworkers believe otherwise. And oh my god, that's not even scratching the surface of what the title means in Gertrude's case. The fact that Elias was willing to kill her shows that, in one way or another...she was disposable, replaceable even, something that doesn't apply to Jon nearly as much if that conversation in Burning Desire is anything to go on. But like...WHY was she disposable? Was it due to her constant attempts to mess with his machinations and later destroy the archives? Was she actually a super good archivist who just had to be killed because of her actions, and that kind of ties back into the question of whether or not she was intentionally disorganizing the statements? Did she actually undergo some sort of monstrous transformation later in life? I mean, it would make sense since she was The Archivist for much longer than Jon, before Elias was even there in fact, and like....maybe that would explain why Antonio Blake foresaw an excessively gruesome fate for her in his dreams despite her being shot by a man in a suit? Maybe? I just...oh god I don't know. Look, the point is...Jon's departure from the institute has a lot of connotations. For the narrative, for the lore, for himself...there's just a lot here. But...it's best if I don't dwell on it. I think I just need to let the season pan out, and besides, I'd be surprised if a lot of these questions weren't answered sooner rather than later. If I think about all of this too much, I'll end up digging a rabbit hole so deep that I'll eventually reach Lost Johns' Cave and get buried alive. I'm just going to...let the answers come to me, and focus on the present. So...without further ado, let's finally get into the actual goddamn content of the episode. Fun fact, there's a very good chance that my grandmother is reading this part of the episode per her request right now, so uh...hi Grandma! I am...so sorry about this, you probably have no idea what the hell I'm talking about right now, there's 80 episodes worth of posts that precede this one. Also yes, I haven't even talked about the actual epiode yet. This is just how things work around here. Oh, by the way, I have some..choice words about the grandmother of the main character here, so I just need you to know that you two are nothing alike, and that the entire paragraph devoted to my distaste for the grandmother of the main character I heavily relate to is not a personal attack. Uh...MOVING ON!

Ok...I must admit that before I REALLY get into things, I have a couple of things worth noting down. First of all, this episode's case number is "0171802-A". Not only is it...kind of crazy to me that it's only been TWO DAYS since the events of the Season 2 finale, but the presence of the "A" makes it clear that...there'll be another statement recorded on this exact day. I don't get the sense that Jon will have to record another tape that soon, so uh...my prediction is that Episode 82 will be case "0171802-B", and it'll show us what's happening at the institute. There. The other thing I found noteworthy was...what Jon's even recording this statement with. Chances are...he took the exact same tape and recorder that was used to record his destruction of the table, the chase in the tunnels, Leitner's statement and...his later murder, given how he turned off the tape upon discovering the old fart's body and seemingly made a run for it almost immediately afterwards. First of all, that is a fuck-tonne of tape he's working with, like...even if he's using a new tape, still, but second of all...that implies Jon is in possession of the one thing that proves Elias guilty of Leitner's murder. And given how he's still not 100% certain that Elias is the actual culprit...he has no idea. So...that's not great, and that's without even mentioning what this means for the police's investigation. Anyways, uh...time to cover this episode for real. Jon starts off by talking about his current state of mind. He says that over the past couple of days, he's been thinking about....well, a lot of things, but has also been reminiscing on...how it all began for him, and what the death of Jurgen Leitner even means to him in the first place. He believes that his death has also marked the death of the lens of which he once viewed the world through. This episode gives...a lot of insight into Jon's psyche, and the first example of this is found here, which...kind of feels like it's trying to explain why he's been the way he's been throughout the past two seasons. I'll...touch more on Jon's change in attitude a bit later, but for now...we're focusing on his eras of denial and paranormal. Now, we already knew that his denial in Season 1 heavily stemmed from his feeling of being watched, something that we can now most likely attribute to The Eye, but...this gives us an even greater look at the topic. Jon always believed in the paranormal, we've known that for a while, but...he always saw it as small, fleeting and rare. He thought that people heavily exaggerated them, that the sources of horror in the world were far from common. Even in his era of paranoia (oh my god I mean I love Season 2 Jon but I REALLY hope that's come to a close now)...he still apparently held out hope, believed that...even if he and those around him suffered, that suffering was extremely miniscule in the grand scheme of the world. Nowadays...he knows better. He realizes that the supernatural lies everywhere, and that the statements he once wrote off as insane conjecture are more real than he would preferably have to admit. And...he realizes that there are many out there who are less fortunate than him.

...Ok, look, there's not much of a point to doing anymore dramatic buildup, so I'll just cut to the chase. Yes, this episode is indeed focused on Jon's backstory. ...FUCKING. FINALLY. I just...oh my god. That single notion is enough to make me start rapidly crawling across the walls. I don't know...how much I've really brought it up before, but I have been DYING to know what this guy's past is for the longest time. It's not like he wasn't complicated without a backstory, but just...finally knowing what made him the way he is, or at least was at the beginning of Season 1, adds SO incredibly much to his character that it's...kind of insane. And what's even crazier is that it's the FIRST episode of the season. Don't get me wrong, Anglerfish and Too Deep are great premieres, the latter of which also giving great insight into Jon, but their ultimate purpose is just to set the tone of the season. This though? It does all of that, but does it 10 times more incredibly and adds a bunch of other amazing elements on top of it. I'll obviously go over my deeper thoughts on the backstory itself a bit later, but for now...just know that it did NOT disappoint in the slightest. Now...if we can just get Martin, Tim and Elias' backstories soon, we'll be golden. Anyways going back to Jon, he basically reveals that the main reason he thought the paranormal was so rare and limited, and the reason why he was inclined to deny most statements, was because he could only really view the subject through his own experiences, and not other people's. ...I do find it kind of interesting that this...broadening of perspective has come with the revelation that he belongs to "The Eye"....just a thought. He then goes on to say that the one thing he believed, the one name that he saw as a true source of evil that could not be denied, the name that scarred his youth right in front of his very eyes...was Jurgen Leitner. That's...already quite the bombshell, knowing that Jon encountered a Leitner in his childhood... It...certainly explains quite a bit though, his hostility towards Leitner himself, his incessant paranoia whenever the books came up in statements, and looking back at it...the fact that the only statements he didn't deny back in early Season 1...were those involving Leitners. All of that...makes so much more sense now, and we aren't even at his backstory yet.

...Anyways, Jon then goes on to talk about how not just Leitner, but ✨the horrors✨ as a whole have affected him. One thing I find interesting is how he mentions his lack of knowledge on how many of ✨the horrors✨ there are, and how exactly they seperate. That's definitely the biggest question playing on my mind at the moment, I'm still running with my list of 14 for now, but...hopefully the fact that this has been brought up in the podcast means that some light will be shed on the topic sooner rather than later. I think we can name a few of them without a shadow of a doubt though. The Eye, The Spiral and The Stranger are the obvious ones, The End and The Lightless Flame make perfect sense despite not being outright confirmed, I feel...pretty confident in The Flesh Hive and The Vast being among their names as well, and then...well, we'll get to that last one in just a second. I think we have six that are currently unnamed, but they seem to be associated with darkness, compression, isolation, war, meat and technology respectively, although I only think that last one exists because...what in god's name was even going on with Sergey Ushanka that can reasonably correspond to any of the others. ...Ok, getting back on track, Jon decides to drop yet another bombshell on us, coming back to the distinction between being "touched" and "claimed". While he's obviously been claimed by The Eye (which he unfortunately considers "fitting")...it was not the being that touched him during his youth. That title...belongs to "The Spider". Or..."The Web" as he also calls it, but I think I'll stick with the first name because like...spiders weave webs, and that just seems a bit more tonally fitting with all the themes of control going on. Now...the fact that this thing marked him in his childhood has a whole mess of implications to it, but...I'm not quite ready to dive into that just yet. For now, I'm just going to...FINALLY get into his backstory. But before I do, I just have a quick question that I'd like to devote to the good folks at Rusty Quill. ....What the fuck?

No like...seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Like...I wasn't expecting his backstory to be entirely normal sunshine and rainbows or anything, but...did you really have to do him THAT bad? Just....YIKES that is tragic. I, just...wow. Obviously I have...quite a bit to unpack here, NONE of which I've already unpacked and accidentally deleted due to a stupid-ass copy and paste error, what the hell are you talking about ha ha ha ha ha, but...I'm going to try. It's uh...it's a lot. Before I get into the main story though, I do have a couple of things related to the way it's framed that I feel are worth mentioning. Firstly, I REALLY need to give props to Jonny for the vocal delivery here. Like, it's always fantastic, and...sure, this isn't the most creative or out-there tone of voice he's done for a statement before, far from it actually, since..it's just him playing Jon rather than having to sound like anyone else. But...the fact that this is just Jon speaking is what makes the voice here so special to me. It's not him putting on the mask of another person for dramatic effect...it's just him, cold, visceral, and so clearly and deeply traumatized by what he's describing. Too Deep did a great job at this as well, and I regret not mentioning it in my first Season 2 post...but I do think this episode did it better, and I'll go over examples of why later on. But uh...on a related yet completely contradictory note...I do think there is some slight missed potential by not having someone else read the statement. Overall I still think letting Jon do it was the best course of action...but I don't know, I think there would be some definite value in...whoever's filling his position back at the institute reading a statement he gave about the same experience, but before he joined the institute, and then their VA would have to do an impression of Jon. Far from a big deal...I just think that's a cool idea, but the lack of it really isn't a gripe with the episode or anything. Oh shit, the actual episode. So...Jon was touched by The Spider when he was eight years old. ...Off to a pleasant start already. He says here that he was a child of the Nineties, which is...honestly pretty surprising to me. Like, I never thought of him as particularly old, but I guess I always read him as...I don't know, a guy in his mid-30s? He says that the incident occurred one or two years after Leitner's library was destroyed, which should roughly place the events described here in...1997. So if he was eight at the time, that means he's somewhere in his late 20s at the time of giving this statement. I don't know, it's just...younger than I expected for someone of his demeanour, but granted, he says that the past few years have aged him considerably, so I guess such a demeanour is to be expected. Regardless, he...was not a very happy eight-year old. Or...I guess a happy any-year old, but I digress. His parents had died when he was too young to really remember them...the fact that Jonathan Sims has a backstory so tragic that him being an orphan is reduced to a single sentence is just...yikes. His father died from an "accidental fall" when he was two, and his mother from surgical complications when he was four. If you're wondering why I added quotes to his father's death....that's because I feel kind of obligated to suspect foul play there. Look, it's entirely possible that his parents really did pass away from tragic accidents and nothing more. In fact, I think it's more likely that his mother didn't die from paranormal causes. Sure, tma is no stranger to the concept of butchery and dismemberment...but it's rarely been medical or surgical in nature, and the way it's phrased...eh, it doesn't give off the right vibes for me to assume anything weird was happening. His dad on the other hand...I mean, come on. There have been way too many statements that deal with falling for me to write that off entirely. So..I'll put a pin in that.

Also...look, I really do feel bad for Jon. Even if he doesn't remember them, losing your parents at that young of an age is such a life-shattering and heartbreaking thing to go through. But at the same time...THANK GOD they're dead. Because if they weren't...then that mind-polluting idea of Gertrude and Leitner being his parents could still be a possibility. I just...I hate to say it but I did have a sigh of relief. Oh god...the idea of Leitner being his dad is even WORSE now that we know what happened...ugh. Regardless, with his parents tragically departed, and with the majority of his extended family far from close, Jon was sent to live with his grandmother. ...I have some complicated feelings on her. I'll start off by saying that I do actually really like how they portrayed her. It would've been really easy to just make her flat-out abusive if they wanted to, which can definitely work for a lot of characters, but...not only would that have led to a comical amount of tragedy for Jon's backstory in my opinion, especially when you consider he already had a notable abuser, but it also would've left us with less nuance. The funny thing is, she doesn't really need nuance to begin with. She's overall an extremely minor character...but they gave her a surprising amount of depth, and made her feel like a real human person. Not that tma hasn't done that before, far from it, but I can always appreciate when this is done for a side character. She's described by Jon as a kind enough woman who raised him to the best of her ability, but...due to her having already raised her own children, and also having lost her own son...she held some level of resentment and bitterness towards having to raise Jon, and while it...doesn't seem to have resulted in terrible outbursts of any kind, and she overall treated Jon decently...she was never able to hide her feelings entirely. I can...definitely sympathize with her quite a bit. Grief can heavily mess people up, and I do understand that raising a child in old age, especially one like Jon, might not be an easy feat. But...I still can't help but feel like Jon is painting an ever-so-slightly too pleasant picture of her, even if he personally thinks that the picture is bleak. It's due to...a few reasons. One notable reason is that, as seen with another character later on...Jon is just ever so slightly forgiving in places where he really shouldn't be. Not to a serious detriment, or to a degree that makes him look entirely spineless...but just enough for me to question it. I wouldn't be surprised if his...greater traumas have made him view other dark aspects of his childhood as less of a problem. Hell, it's visible in the previously mentioned case of his parent's deaths being brushed over, and like I said, visible again later on with another character. So...I don't know, I worry that his grandmother might've been a bit worse to him than he realizes, and that he's justifying some not-so-great behavior on her part. It's...also not entirely uncommon for victims of serious abuse to sugarcoat stories of that abuse, but...I don't want to deviate too far from the actual text, and as far as the text is concerned...Jon's grandmother was a troubled woman who raised Jon decently well, (although I doubt it was to the "best of her ability", because....with all due respect, look at the man, even without the incident I think he'd turn out a little fucked up) but could never fully hide some of her deep-seeded resentment. And...I think it's up to the reader's interpretation as to how much that resentment seeped out, but I'd still hesitate to assume she was secretly terribly abusing him, at least with the information that's been currently provided.

The main reason I have complicated feelings on her though is because of...how I personally view Jon's character. Like many others, I personally read Jon as autistic, a headcanon which has become even clearer after listening to this episode. I'm not going to go into why, because...a lot of my reasoning ties back to the fact that I see a lot of my own autistic traits in Jon, some of which I'm...not particularly proud of myself. My point is...look, there'll be better examples later on, but a lot of the feeling and actions of Jon's grandmother...they just become a lot more iffy to me when you read his character as an autistic one, especially in the case of this episode, where I read him as an autistic CHILD. So yeah...overall, I can understand and sympathize with Jon's grandmother in a lot of ways...but she is certainly flawed, and in my opinion...I think Jon gives her a little bit too much credit in some places. And speaking of Jon, what about him? ...Him as a child I mean, I talk about him as an adult every damn day.

Well, I have to say I'm...really happy with how they wrote him. For starters, something that really bugs me when it comes to traumatic backstories, or just traumatic experiences for characters in general, is when it completely changes them in places where it really shouldn't. Obviously trauma will almost always have a huge effect on people, and there are definitely a good few occasions where I've been able to believe that trauma would fully erase all aspects of the original person...but there are other cases that don't work so well. It just...annoys me, it often feels like the author wants to write a completely separate character, but can't find out how to fit them into the story, so they just...traumatize a pre-existing one as a way to transform them. It's especially annoying when like...the sole reason for a character being all dark and broody instead of a pure sunshine child like they used to be is just...trauma. Like, come on, just let them be canonically goth and then you're good to go! I'm aware that this is probably stupid and nit-picky...but it happens more times than you'd think. Thankfully though, tma avoids this when it so easily couldn't have. Jon's trauma has...clearly affected him deeply, we'll get to that soon enough, but it doesn't feel like all traces of his pre-trauma self are entirely gone. They manage to make his younger self feel...notably different from his older self, but still like the same person. Young Jon is described as "precocious, impatient, quick to talk back and even quicker to wander off whenever he got bored." That paints a rather different picture from the Jon we know, it makes him come off as a lot more rambunctious and ill-mannered...but I can totally believe that this kid grew up to be the Jonathan Sims we all know and love. Adult Jon, at least when we first meet him, is a lot more...tired, stationary, he doesn't really try to do much to change his dull circumstances, and while not exactly the nicest person...he seems to have a decent understanding of manners, he just...doesn't use them that much because let's be honest, Season 1 Jon was an edgy bitch. In Season 2 though...I don't know, we kind of see that his younger traits come out a bit more, likely due to stress...add that to the list of reasons I think he's autistic, christ. He's a lot more all over the place, driven by gut instinct, he makes more reckless decisions and is overall more antsy and energetic, although...not in a good way. His trauma obviously changed him deeply. It instilled painful memories and a deep fear, gave him a fascination with the paranormal, a hatred for Jurgen Leitner, left him touched by The Spider, and as I'll get to later, has influenced a lot of his more questionable decisions in retrospect. But honestly...I still get the feeling that even without the trauma, he would've probably developed into someone not too dissimilar from his Season 1 self. I mean, he even had the police called on him multiple times when he was young, and is being chased by the police as we speak. If that doesn't prove that they put serious care into making sure young Jon felt like adult Jon despite the trauma...I don't know what does. So uh...yeah, good job guys. Now I just need to know what he was like as a teenager. As long as the answer is at least partially hilarious I'll be satisfied with anything. But that's enough psychoanalysis of an eight year old, sp let's get back to the story.

So yeah, Jon was "hardly an easy child" for his grandmother to digress, which I'm pretty sure is like...90's slang for "neurodivergent" or something, but I digress. But as prone as he was to getting himself into danger...there was one thing that kept him rooted to the spot. And as to be expected from the lame-ass nerdy protagonist of a horror anthology podcast mostly set in a place of academia built during the Victorian era, that thing was books. He was always deeply captivated by them until he finished them, but he also had...specific preferences when it came to his material. Not in terms of genre or author, quite the opposite in fact, he was more concerned with...whether the book felt new or not. If he felt like he had read it before, he wasn't interested. First of all, [INSERT MENTION OF MY AUTISTIC HEADCANONS HERE], and second of all...holy shit, if he maintains any sembelance of this trait in modern day...working at the institute must be hell. ...I would add "for him" at the end of the sentence, but let's be real, working at the institute is actually just...indisputably hell. But in this scenario, what I mean is, like...his job is literally to read a bunch of stories, all of which involve tons of reccuring characters, themes and concepts every single time. ...That...like...no wonder he's such a Negative Nancy most of the time. Also, this is completely irrelevant, but he mentions having read Diana Wynne Jones at one point, so like...if that means he's canonically read Howl's Moving Castle...I don't know, that just makes me happy :). Anyways, his admittedly picky nature led to his grandmother being forced to develop a...unique strategy to keep him entertained. And...this is where my problems with her parenting style start to show themselves. You know, Jon says that while he used to find this strategy strange and bothersome, he now thinks it's a stroke of genius. ...Yeah to be honest I'd have to agree with his kid self, not only because of...what this strategy ended up leading to, but also because...oh what the hell, let's just get into it. So...Jon's grandmother would do this thing, where she would visit all of the local charities and second-hand bookstores, buy every book that was 50 pence or less, and would leave Jon with the pile until he found a book he was ok with. That...doesn't sound inherently terrible, and truth be told it...really isn't all that egregious. But...it is very telling of her parenting style.

Jon notes that the thing that bothered him most about this approach was that...his grandmother never exercised much thought into the books she was buying. She would glance at the price tag, and then just throw them in the pile. This didn't bother him whenever he incidentally gained access to a book somewhat beyond his years, but it did bother him whenever he was left with a cardboard picture book made for pre-schoolers. He was frustrated, as he felt like it was an insult towards his intelligence. Nowadays he realizes that was silly of him, I mean, she wasn't even looking at the books she bought him...but that's the problem. Even if the reasoning is different...I sympathize with Jon's frustration here. Because...this method...it just shows a lack of care all too familiar to me. Thankfully, I've had plenty of positive adult figures in my life growing up, my parents certainly among them, but...sometimes I wasn't so lucky. Sometimes, I'd be left with an adult who was more concerned with me being easily pacified and quiet than being genuinely engaged and happy, even when I was certainly past that point in terms of intelligence and behaviour. It's just...look, I don't want to get too deep into it, it would be weird if I started trauma-dumping in front of internet strangers who want to see me rant about ✨the horrors✨, and...also my grandma. (hi again grandma :D) My point is, given how I relate to Jon quite a bit, both as a child and an adult, and how such relation had led to me reading his character as an autistic one...I can't help but hold a little bit more skepticism and resentment towards his grandmother than I was likely intended to. I understand that she is a complicated person deeply hurt by grief (and also...somehow a minor side character, my capacity to ramble knows no bounds), and I do truly sympathize with that, but...yeah, I don't approve of how she neglected Jon, even if the mental image of Jonathan Sims, aged 8, holding a copy of "Everyone Poops" with a disgruntled expression on his face is comedy gold. But unfortunately...that disapproval of mine does not get much better. Because, you know, I was going to say that..."she couldn't have possibly known what her strategy would lead to." But the more I think about it...no, she absolutely could have. Because if she had just bothered to check the cover of a book...well, ok, she might not have actually survived as long as she did, but...either way, she would've saved Jon from one of, if not the most traumatizing thing he's ever witnessed with his mystical eyes.

...Oh boy, here we go. So, one day, when Jon was digging through his most recent pile of books, his hand fell upon yet another thin, square cardboard book. He was prepared to toss it aside without a second thought...but unfortunately, he made the mistake of glancing at it. And when he did...he was oddly captivated. Instead of the bright flashing colors those kinds of books usually possessed, this one was monochrome, white with black webs drawn in the corners. On the front, partially drawn and partially carved in a crude manner, was the title. "A Guest for Mr. Spider." On the back of the book was an illustration of the titular Mr. Spider. He is large with a swollen abdomen, his eight legs are splayed at odd angles, his head is covered in eight eyes, all of different shapes and sizes, and he wears a bowler hat colored in red ink that contrasts the rest of the cover's monochrome nature. Needless to say...Jon was taken aback. He says it himself, that...while he was no stranger to children's books that attempted to make a scare or were unintentionally off-putting...something was different here, and he did not like it. ...But that didn't stop him from opening it. There is...quite a bit to unpack with this book. Firstly, I have to say that I just...absolutely adore the concept behind it. I've said it before, but I really like it whenever Leitners take an approach outside of dark tomes or rewritten versions of real world books. "A Disappearance", while not being a super major one, is still one of my favorites due to the concept of a cursed pamphlet...just being kind of cool to me. So combine that principle with my love for creepy children's books like The Babadook, or just...things that are kiddy in nature being made slightly unnerving, and you have a recipe for success in my eyes. What also helps is that...this is the most detail a Leitner has ever been given. Usually, we only get small excerpts from the books themselves, and that's totally fine, since it's more important that the statements explain what the Leitners even do, rather than what the text inside details. The only exception to this rule is The Tale of a Field Hospital, but that's only because Joseph Russo was weird. Here though...no. We get the entire thing, and I mean...yeah, it's significantly shorter than most, if not all other Leitners we've come across, but...it's still so viscerally described in a way that no other book before it has, which allows for some Jon's trauma to be shown excellently through how his lines are delivered when reading the book. It also has a surprising amount of potential implications within its pages, and then when we DO get to what it actually does to those who come across it...well, I'll save that for when it's appropriate. So yeah...I have...some things to say about this book.

...It opens up as you'd expect it to. On the front page, there is someone's mark. A mark that Jon shouldn't have to explain to anyone who's qualified to be listening to his statement. ...Man, him saying that really got me thinking about...who the listener is in the grand scheme of all of this. Like...I really have no idea. Maybe some rando who discovers the tapes years down the line, maybe Jon's successor...it's certainly perplexing, and I don't know if I'll ever get an answer. Anyways, the story in the book begins with a picture. We see a room that is almost entirely empty, save for two doors and a table with potted flowers on it, the flowers looking sickly due to the monochrome color pallette. I'm...almost certainly reading too much into this, but...given tma's history with tables and doors, their presence in the book is at least a little unnerving to me. I mean, I doubt the doors mean too much, since they're associated with The Spiral and not The Spider...at least I think...hm. There...there is actually quite a bit of overlap between ✨the horrors✨ in some places, and I do feel like that's somewhat relevant, but...I'll save it for now. But uh...yeah, the table's a bit more suspicious to me, since...you know. Regardless, in the center of the room is Mr. Spider, staring at the door on the left, away from the reader. This continues for four pages, the only difference between them being the position of Mr. Spider's arms. Then, on the fifth page, the words "KNOCK KNOCK" show up next to the door, followed by a "WHO IS IT, MR. SPIDER?" This causes Mr. Spider to stop flailing his limbs around, and he opens the door. Stood there is...a fly, dressed in a suit. The fly is clutching a box, and seems to have a worried expression on his face. The text then reads "IT'S MR. BLUEBOTTLE, AND HE'S BROUGHT YOU A CAKE." ...I have a few things to say about this line...and that kind of makes me question my life choices. First of all, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that all of the flies in the book are named after actual species of flies. I just...considering the insane shit I brainstorm when writing these, the fact that something so obvious evaded me is just...wow. Secondly, it was at this point where Jonny's vocal performance in this episode REALLY shined for me, and also when I realized why it's ultimately best that Jon got to read his own statement himself. Because you see...at least at this point, the book isn't especially morbid. Somewhat unnerving, but...really not that bad, and I initially thought that the extremely dramatic way in which Jon read that line was kind of humorous. But then I realized...it makes so much sense for him. He is reliving his childhood trauma as we speak, so things that might initially come off as mundane or light-hearted are much more terrifying in his memory, and that's conveyed perfectly through the way he vocalizes his story. Just...that attention to detail goes a super long way in terms of characterization. And...there's one last thing that interests me about this part, although it's a bit more lore-centric. The cake that Mr. Bluebottle gives to Mr. Spider is...off. Jon comments that the color of the cake reminds him of disease...and that got me thinking. Insects and disease are like...the two primary themes of The Flesh Hive, right? Flies especially in the case of Amherst, and we also know that The Spider and The Flesh Hive are seemingly opposed to each other...even if the lady from Children of the Night who was basically a spider version of Jane makes me think otherwise because WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THAT?! ...Regardless, we see their rivalry a good couple of times, as the spiders in the tunnels are noted to have started eating the worms down there, and it seems like the spider that appeared in Jon's office...did so in an attempt to make Jane attack earlier than she should have...I think, I don't know. Look, there's enough evidence to make me think of them as opposing forces, Jane basically says it herself in Hive, even if it's wrapped behind some slam poetry allegory stuff.

So...I'm kind of wondering if maybe A Guest for Mr. Spider is like...a real story wrapped behind the facade of a fictional one, or at the very least, is meant to allude to the rivalry between The Spider and The Flesh Hive. And also...I'll go into more depth later, but I've been thinking about...how being touched by The Spider has affected Jon's life in a more...paranormal way than just giving him terrible childhood trauma. It'll make more sense later, but...let's just say it makes The Flesh Hive being the first of ✨the horrors✨ to play a major role in the story...a bit more suspicious to me. But I've rambled enough, back to the book. So, after Mr. Bluebottle unveils his cake, the book focuses on his face, the worry etched upon it even starker than before. It then says..."MR. SPIDER DOESN'T LIKE IT." ...And the book returns to the room. The book basically starts going in a cycle, with another few pages of Mr. Spider staring at the door on the left while flailing his arms around, until another "KNOCK KNOCK" and "WHO IS IT, MR. SPIDER?" comes around. The only difference is that this time...there are ink stains on the right-hand door. ...Oh no. After the second knock, Mr. Spider opens the door to find another fly, slightly larger, in a pale yellow dress, and with an even more disconcerting expression. The text then reads "IT'S MRS. FRUIT, AND SHE'S BROUGHT YOU SOME FLOWERS." Those flowers...look even more ill than those on Mr. Spider's table, once again making me think of The Flesh Hive. The text moves on to say "MR. SPIDER DOESN'T EAT FLOWERS." The cycle repeats a third time. Now, the right hands door is even more noticeably stained with a crusty brown, the flowers brought by Mrs. Fruit are on the table, now colored a deep, bloody red, and Mr. Spider's abdomen is now noticeably larger and straining. ...Yeah, that fucker ate his guests. It's also noticeable now that Mr. Spider's hands are not empty, but are instead...pulling on threads that weave through the cracks in the doors. A third knock comes, and Mr. Spider is met with a large fly dressed in overalls, who is accompanied by a smaller fly dressed the same. Both of them are in tears. ...This was the part that really freaked me out, and I get the feeling that's a common sentiment. The text reads "IT'S MR. HORSE. AND HE'S BROUGHT YOU HIS SON." ...Oh dear lord. You know, another very common theme of The Flesh Hive happens to be...love, even if the concept is often twisted beyond repair. So...since we have the flies trying to appeal to Mr. Spider through whatever means necessary, I...kind of wonder, if my hypothesis is correct, if this is meant to signify that The Flesh Hive made an attempt to befriend The Spider, but failed miserably. Which if so...man, this eldritch control freak sucks serious ass! And that becomes clear when the text reads..."MR. SPIDER WANTS MORE." The book returns to the house, which is now entirely covered with red and brown stains, the same going for Mr. Spider's stomach, which now eclipses the rest of him. The threads in his hands are more visible than ever...and he has turned to face the reader. On the second-to-last page, there is a close-up of the bloodstained right-hand door. It seems to function as a panel that opens to the last page of the book. The text then reads...oh boy. "MR. SPIDER WANTS ANOTHER GUEST FOR DINNER. IT IS POLITE TO KNOCK." ...Once again, Rusty Quill... You people need serious help.

So...that's A Guest for Mr. Spider. Er, the in-universe book, not the episode of the same name. Honest to god...that's a big yikes. Like, even if it wasn't for what happened afterwards, I still get the sense that this would've traumatized Jon. Obviously not as severely as all of the other stuff in his childhood, such as the death of his parents, his grandmother's neglect, and...the two other things that are revealed to us after the description of the book...but I'd be freaked out by this if I were him. It's just...so unnerving, it starts out fine but just...gradually build and builds into something that ends up really freaky by the end. But I mean...it certainly paid off to describe the thing in full. Oh, also, I NEED a real life version of this. If it hasn't already been made...then fine, I'll make one myself. But...what about what happened after he read it Well...Jon was just about to open the cut out of the right-hand door...moments away from dying, which is just a...really upsetting fact, but was stopped when a hand much larger than his slapped the book out of his hand and shoved him to the floor. He then noticed that he had...oddly wandered into the park nearby his house, not remembering how he got there, and looked up to find himself face to face with...someone who's name he admittedly can't remember. But you know...Jon throws out the possibility of his name being Michael, although he quickly disregards that being the case. ...That won't stop me from calling him Michael though, because I mean...hey, if I didn't, we wouldn't have my mandatory Michael mention for the episode, would we? Although...I don't want to make things more confusing than they already are, so let's just call him Mikael. I know that's one letter off from Mikaele Salesa's name but...shut up. Noteworthy is the fact that Jon bemoans how he can't remember Mikael's name, despite him saving his life, and he then says..."some people deserve to be remembered." ...He was referring to Sasha there, wasn't he? Just...huh. Anyways, Mikael was much older than Jon, eighteen or nineteen, but...he had an unfortunate tendency to torment him in a classic late 20th-century meathead sort of fashion. Jon says that while he used to think Mikael tormented him out of jealousy for his intelligence, he now thinks he did it because he was "a deeply annoying child", and....comments like that are why I'm obligated to believe Jon gives some of these people too much credit. Like, no Jon, you weren't "a deeply annoying child", you were a neurodivergent minor. And Mikael wasn't just a bully, he was over twice your age and an adult, like...that's an abuser! It should go without saying that I'm not trying to judge Jon for this line of thinking, I mean, even he realizes that Mikael's actions aren't excusable, something he says himself. But like...man I don't know, I still feel like he's beating himself up here. I'm sure a lot of it stems from things like...survivor's guilt or internalized self-hatred, but like...that doesn't make it any less unfortunate. I...don't have much to say about my thoughts on Mikael that differs from my thoughts on Jon's grandmother, it's just that his grandmother is a lot more nuanced and neglectful towards Jon, while Mikael is a lot more blatantly terrible and actively abusive. And you know...look, he's not the worst person in all of tma, we have seen plenty of murderous psychopaths, and I get that he died tragically young...but like...I'm not exactly mourning his loss, ok? Oh yeah...I should probably get to his loss.

So, Mikael was well ready to go on with his classic bully shtick, teasing Jon for reading a book that was made for pre-schoolers, in the eyes of a common bystander at least, but little did he know that showing up at that precise moment...was his ultimate undoing. He started flicking through the book he had knocked out of Jon's hands, likely looking for anything he could use for an easy tease...but as he did so, his eyes wandered off, his hands began to shake...and his legs started walking him away, almost as if it were against his will, like...the strings of a puppet. ...Oh me oh my. Jon was understandably confused, but decided to give pursuit in an attempt to get the book back. Come to think of it, that's...a weird quirk of Leitners that I don't think I've ever really mentioned before. That ability to...draw people in, almost preying on their desires. It's definitely present in a lot of other instances of ✨the horrors✨, such as the coffin, or...really any instance of The Spider, but it's very prevalent among Leitners specifically. Like, you have Dominic Swain going down that insane cross-country rabbit hole for no discernable reason, Sebastian Adekoya being oddly desperate to retrieve The Boneturner's Tale, the same goes for Herbert Knox with Ex Altiora...and now you have Jon. I..I don't know, I feel like it's pretty interesting and...oddly kind of fitting given how prevalent academic pursuit is as a theme in tma, while also being an...unnerving motif of The Eye...huh. Well, I'll keep it in mind. Going back a few steps, Mikael continues to walk down the road with the book in hand as the sun sets, Jon struggling to get the book back from the much larger figure. He then walks up to one of the houses in a nearby residential area...and holds the book up in front of the door, the page displaying the cutout of Mr. Spider's bloody right door open. ..."KNOCK KNOCK." The door opened to reveal a pitch dark house. Jon was then forced to watch in horror as gray threads wrapped themselves around Mikael's limbs...and two massive limbs crawled out from the dark, covered in silky black hair. Mikael let out the start of a scream...but he never got to finish it. The door slammed behind him as he disappeared, the book going away forever alongside him...and Jon was left to stand there as he felt his life change forever....and from my point of view, he...he probably felt some thin strands wrap around him too. ...Personally, I have quite the fondness for spiders. I think they're pretty interesting little creatures, I like watching the ones outside my bedroom window make their webs, and despite all sorts of media trying to depict them negatively, I've always held a soft spot for them. Well, except for Daddy Long-Legs, they creep me out. ...Is that the plural for them? Just the exact same as the singular? Really? ...ok. But uh...my point is, if anything were to get me to hate spiders...it would be this. It would definitely be this.

So uh...wow. Just...just wow. That story...it's one of a kind really. I uh...no, I shouldn't gush about it just yet. I'll...I'll sum up my thoughts on the episode as a whole once I...REALLY finish analyzing everything. Just...just know that the main story, all of what I just described...is kind of perfect. It was an extremely surprising story to apply to Jon of all characters, but...it just works so well. It explains so much of why he is the way he is, adds clarity to a lot of his more questionable actions, and...I don't know, it really puts the full scope of his current character into perspective. Like...I feel like I understand him so much more now, more than I ever thought I could. And on top of that, the episode's just fantastic even when you remove Jon from the picture, dare I say it's one of the most unnerving and terrifying statements ever concieved. Despite the massive spider monster, it serves as such a visceral and real-feeling look into childhood trauma. A Guest for Mr. Spider itself is just...brilliantly described, hell, every line of dialogue feels perfectly crafted, and it resonated with me...maybe more than anything in tma so far. But...I'll go into more detail on all of that later. For now...I want to analyse what this episode will mean going forward. Now, as far as I can tell, this episode doesn't connect to any pre-established storyline before it, with the obvious exception of Leitner's library, but...the mysteries of that plot have basically been entirely resolved now, so I won't go over that. ...Oh my god...s-saying that a plot has been resolved in tma...that feels so weird. ...I'm deep into it now, aren't I? Wow. Uh...anyways, I think the main intrigue when it comes to this episode is...how it affects Jon. Both in terms of how it recontextualizes a ton of past actions and behavior, but also in terms of what it might mean for his future development. Part of this comes down to a general, non-paranormal analysis of his psyche, which I do still want to do, although...I think I'll keep it a little brief if possible, because there are others who are more qualified than me to do that, and also...I think that if I'm to do full scope, massive analyses of characters as prevalent as the goddamn protagonist, then...I should maybe save it for like...the end of the series or something, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say regarding the topic. Just...don't expect it to be fully comprehensive, since I find it takes a lot more time for me to understand the psychology of a character as opposed to like...lore or themes. But uh...mentioning lore, what I do have more to say about is...what this episode means for Jon through that lense. How being touched by The Spider has affected him beyond his psychological state and trauma, and how it will likely continue to affect him going forward. There's...a decent amount of stuff to go over, but I don't think...too much. There's definitely enough for me to make something interesting, but...most of my love for this episode comes from what is plainly there, rather than what I believe is implied, so...I think I'm nearing the end now. (Er...don't quote me on that, I do not plan these out very well, like...I just sit here and write whatever comes to mind. For all I know, I'll stumble down a massive rabbit hole out of absolutely nowhere, so...keep your guard up just in case.) But before I get into all of this Jon analysis, I do have...one small little theory that I felt was worth mentioning so...how about I just warm up the gears in my brain with that?

Ok, so...this theory is...probably wrong. I don't think the evidence for it is that compelling. However, I'm throwing it in here because it did make me come to an important realization in terms of further understanding how ✨the horrors✨ might work. So...you see, the name "Mr. Spider" kind of reminded me of "Mr. Pitch", the being mentioned by Natalie Ennis which I...assume is a term used to refer to whatever The Divine Host worships, although given the naming conventions of ✨the horrors✨ at large, I...doubt that's its main title. It's probably akin to The Eye sometimes being called "Beholding", or The Spiral being called "Esmentiaras". That led me to realize that the house Mikael entered was...dark, dark enough to the point where Mr. Spider was hardly visible beyond a couple of legs. And then I realized that so far...The Spider and Mr. Pitch are the only members of ✨the horrors✨ that seem to have a specific tendency to target children, at least...more than most others. The Spider in the case of the Hill Top Road children and now Jon, and Mr. Pitch in the cases of Julia Montauk and Callum Brodie. ...Like I said, it's not the most compelling evidence of all time, but it was enough to get me thinking, damnnit! But...even though I don't think this actually means much, like....I don't know, something stupid like The Divine Host secretly worshiping The Spider...it did get me thinking about how ✨the horrors✨ work. On one hand, you could view it as a classic example of the rivalries and alliances that these eldritch forces seem to make with each other, something which I already believe was shown through the story of A Guest for Mr. Spider. But on the other hand...what if this is meant to show how you...can't really figure out how ✨the horrors✨ seperate? It got me thinking back to some of the stuff Leitner said at the end of Season 2, and how it kind of felt like he was suggesting...I don't know, that this idea of a pantheon of eldritch beings might actually just be bullshit. Like, it's not how they actually function, it's just how humanity attempts to understand them, like scholars proclaiming a completely wrong hypothesis to be fact in a prime example of hubris and folly. I think this can be seen even clearer through something like...the doors. This episode has an odd focus on doors, something that is very clearly associated with The Spiral and The Distortion, but...it doesn't have any of those themes of lying or insanity that we use to define manifestations of Esmentiaras. But really, who knows? Maybe the pantheon does work out fine. Maybe everything here really was at the behest of The Spider, or maybe it gained some assistance from The Spiral and Mr. Pitch. I just think that for future reference, it's worth noting that...✨the horrors✨ might not always be black and white. They might mesh together in weird ways that make it hard to determine which one(s) are really responsible for a paranormal incident. Hell, there are still some statements that I can't really find a clear culprit for. Like...what the hell is going on with the vampires? My best guess is that they're tied to The Spiral given how they affect the mind, but...that still feels wrong for some reason. I'll still try my best to classify statements under members of ✨the horrors✨ whenever possible, because it makes things much less complicated, and...also I like categorizing things, but I won't neglect to keep in mind that maybe...these things really are beyond all comprehension. Which honestly, I might even prefer in the long run, since the less I understand these things...the more terrifying they are. I don't know, it's a battle between my desire to be scared and my desire to have a cool eldritch god pantheon I can ramble about non-stop, but honestly...I'll be fine either way. Well, that's enough of those minor realizations...let's talk about Jon. (I say as if I haven't already been doing that for the majority of this post so far.)

Oh my god...I've already written 12,000 words for this. Well...there go all of my hopes of this one being shorter than the last one. Just...god, please tell me things are going to get at least a little more chill for a bit...please. So...Jon. I want to start off by briefly going over some of the more...real ways this incident, and honestly his past, has affected him, and also how it explains some of his actions. Let's start off with the insight it gives into his...general personality. So, I...think it's pretty obvious to see why Jon starts out as kind of a jaded asshole in the beginning. Like, it's not even tied to the specifics of his trauma, just..him having trauma in general. Someone with as...not great of a past as him, someone who's been dealt this shitty of a hand at life, someone who doesn't seem to have received proper affection from many people, at least during his youth...yeah, they'd probably end up quite like Season 1 Jonathan Sims. Granted, I do think some of Jon's poor social skills come down to him likely being autistic, but...even then, it's easy to see how the poor circumstances of his youth would cause him to act irrationally or distance himself from others. Like...there's no way you can convince me that he doesn't have trust issues at this point. It also adds a lot of explanation as to why he was so prone to denial and paranoia. The denial, on top of stemming from his feeling of being watched by what I presume is The Eye, likely also comes from his refusal to confront his past. Deep down I'm sure he's always known what he saw was real, I mean, if he was in complete denial, then he wouldn't have gotten a job at the institute or believed all of the other Leitner statements, but...I doubt he was trying to actively think about his past all that much either. In fact, you know how he denied the statement of Carlos Vittery, despite the fact that it quite literally ended with his body being found in spiderwebs? Yeah, I used to give him a lot of shit for that...but now it makes so much more sense. And...I kind of hate that. How dare they rob me of an opportunity to make fun of Jon, just so that they can do brilliant foreshadowing and make him a more complicated character?! That's downright vile, I'm never listening to this podcast again. ...Anyways, as for his paranoia...well, I don't need to explain that one all too much. The Prentiss Attack was already a pretty notable cause of his paranoia and increase in fear...this just kind of adds fuel to the fire. Oh, and mentioning The Prentiss Attack...I do have to wonder, if my hypothesis surrounding The Flesh Hive's involvement in the story of A Guest for Mr. Spider ends up being proven true...could that explain why Jon was so shaken up by Jane? Like, I can totally believe that he was shaken up...simply because she's just inherently terrifying, but...I do wonder if this episode adds even more cause to it. And...that kind of acts as a nice segue into my last comments on how this has generally affected Jon. So...this episode provides a pretty clear explanation for why Jon doesn't like spiders, I think that's obvious. But in turn, it also likely explains why he smashed the spider that led to The Prentiss Attack in Season 1...and at least part of why he destroyed the table. I...don't think this episode makes that latter one any less of a stupid decision, but I can definitely understand and sympathize with the decision regardless, so...that's good.

Uh...yeah, that's about it honestly. Pretty...pretty surface level. Look, I'm sure there's a ton of deep elements of Jon's psyche that I'm not even seeing here, but...I'm keeping this brief for a few reasons. Firstly, even though I definitely have a much better understanding of Jon's character now...I still need to see it progress, and like I said, I'm not a master of psychological analysis. Secondly...trying to go through the entirety of Season 1 and Season 2 combined in search of everything that may or may not be better explained by this episode takes time that I simply do not have at the moment, but...hopefully anything that happens in the future with Jon will be better contextualized by this episode, and...I think if so, I'll have an easier time unpacking that. And thirdly...this has already gotten really long, and I'm not even a tenth of the way done with this post, so...I'm trying to keep things brief, and also not to exhaust myself any further. Look...the point is, even though I most certainly won't understand Jon's entire character until all is said and done...this episode has absolutely given me some major progress. I appreciate him more than ever now, and I'm more than happy with all of the extra perspective it's given on him...and extremely excited to see how it affects him going forward. And...also terrified, yeah that too. But...mentioning how this'll affect him going forward...there is one other major thing I have to discuss here. Not how this episode affects Jon on a character level...but on a lore level. The more...cosmic implications of this episode. What being touched by The Spider at such a young age means for him. ...So let's get into that.

Ok...I'm going to start by mentioning something that...I feel like is important, but...doesn't really connect to the main point of discussion here. ...Martin. What. The hell. Is up with this man's thing for spiders. Like...I just...huh? Like, it LOOKS like a cute little quirk on the surface, but...as time goes on, it just becomes more and more concerning. I don't think it's meant to tell us that Martin is secretly some evil servant of The Spider or something, after the whole thing with his CV I'm pretty sure he's pure for the moment, but like...it still concerns me! Is it meant to foreshadow that The Spider will eventually claim him? Or that it's out for him? I just...I REALLY do not like that, especially since I'm holding out hope that Jon and Martin end up together in a...somewhat healthy way, even though that kind of feels like more and more of a pipe dream as the situation gets more and more dire. So uh...yeah, I'm more concerned by that than ever. But that's not the main point of interest to me. That title...belongs to Jon's connection to The Spider. I'd like to go back to that whole...distinction between being touched and being claimed I brought up earlier. For a brief refresher, I think that if ✨the horrors✨ touch you, you can be...affected by them, certainly, but not entirely consumed by them. An example of someone who's been "touched" would be Tim. It seems like he's been touched by The Eye, and while he isn't directly serving it like Elias or the majority of The Keay Family seem to, he's definiely being...affected by it, as it's wise to assume that it's the being which prevents him from quitting his job. In order to get "touched" you seemingly just have to...come across ✨the horrors✨ in the wild. In the case of Tim, I don't think The Eye necessarily...asked for him, if that makes sense, but...since he took up a job at The Magnus Institute, he's been touched by pure circumstance, which means that everything which applies to him...probably applies to Martin too, and whoever else might work at the institute, although...the archives seem to be a bit more special than every other division, so it might just affect them. To be "claimed" on the other hand...is a bit different. Let's take Jane as an example. Rather than just coming across a manifestation of The Flesh Hive by pure happenstance, it was almost as if it sought her out directly. Given its themes of toxic codependency and the way it operates like a hivemind, it likely saw how lonely and desperate for affection she was, and intentionally made that "wasp nest" appear in her attic in its attempts to claim her. On top of that, the effects of being "claimed" seem to run...much deeper. Those who are claimed are less like victims at the behest of ✨the horrors✨, but more like...servants, or people who have become one with them. Everyone I believe to have been "claimed", so like...Jane, Mike, Agnes, Raymond, Rayner, Jared, Simon...so on and so forth, all have weird...powers and such, they're able to use ✨the horrors✨ to their advantage, often being the source of paranormal activity rather than a victim. ...So how can we apply this to Jon?

Well, he says himself that he's been claimed by The Eye, so...there's that mystery solved. We haven't really seen him act as a source of the paranormal, or develop any supernatural abilities, but...Jane and Jared kind of prove that those abilities develop over time, as both of them seemingly mutated more and more throughout their lives, so...I fear that things might get worse for Jon in that regard. That...ugh, it's such a nasty thought. Just...just having this feeling that this guy who's been trying to understand and stay safe from all of these monsters could become a monster himself, it's just...no. No no no no no no no. I...I don't like that. Uh...but as scary as that is, I think it's worth mentioning that I don't think you can be "claimed" by more than one of ✨the horrors✨. Given how they all seem to have their respective alliances and rivalries with each other...like, you know, it would be weird if someone was chosen to serve both The Eye and The Stranger, or The Spider and The Lightless Flame. Oh, and as for how exactly Jon was claimed by The Eye...well, I don't have a clue as to the details, but I'm pretty certain it has to do with him being The Archivist. Which like I said, also means that Gertrude was likely claimed by The Eye as well. But...I do think that you can be "touched" by multiple members of ✨the horrors✨, if only for the fact that Jon outright calls The Spider "the first of the dark powers" to touch him, before immediately saying that it did not claim him. In fact, it's also worth noting that at this point, Jon has most likely been touched by three others. The Flesh Hive, due to Jane. The Spiral, due to Michael. And finally The Stranger, due to The NotThem. And honestly...the more I think about it, I think we've already seen how this has affected him. The Flesh Hive has this whole...unhealthy obsession thing going on, while The Spiral and The Stranger both deal in fooling the senses and making you question your sanity, which...I mean, Jon certainly dealt with all of that back in Season 2! Granted, I feel like it would be wrong to say that...all of that paranoia was due to spooky eldritch beings, as that would take away from some of the very real mental trauma that Jon has went through, while also excusing some of his questionable behavior at a point where...I don't think it should be, but...I don't think it's that crazy to say that being touched by them worsened his mental state at least a bit, even if there are other causes. Oh yeah, and Martin and Tim have probably been touched by those three as well, or...at least The Spiral for both of them and The Flesh Hive for Tim, but...I haven't quite unpacked what that might mean for them just yet. But with all of that said...what does being touched by The Spider mean for Jon? Well...one of the common trends that I noticed between those who are claimed and those who are touched is that there's always this kind of...abuser and victim dynamic. So like, those claimed by The Eye watch while those touched by The Eye get watched. Those claimed by The Stranger deceive while those touched by The Stranger get deceived...you get the idea. Now, so far, we have four examples of people who The Spider has seemingly claimed. Raymond Fielding, Annabelle Cane, Adelard Dekker, and the unnamed homeless woman from Children of the Night. The one thing that all of these people share in common, with the exception of spider and web motifs...is an ability to control. Much like what Mikael went through. So by my hypothesis...that should mean that if Jon's marked by The Spider...he's being controlled. ...Uh oh.

Ok, look, I need to make a couple of things clear. First of all, I'm not saying that hypothesis is all the evidence I need to prove Jon is being controlled, guided, and/or manipulated by The Spider. Obviously, I need to show examples of this actually happening, and I do have them. But second of all...I don't think Jon is being fully mind controlled or anything like that. A big part of his character is that...he is deeply flawed, and he has done some pretty questionable things. Saying that he's being mind controlled by an evil spider god thing would remove all responsibility, and therefore dumb down his character to an uncomfortable degree. I think it's more accurate to say that...while Jon definitely holds some degree of responsibility for what he's done, and while a lot of decisions he's made line up with what he'd actually do...The Spider probably isn't helping things. I think a good analogy would be to think that...rather than Jon being puppeted around like a marionette, he's...being lured by bait on a string. The Spider isn't a full blown mind-controller, but...more of a quiet manipulator. Hell, all examples of The Spider using...actual full-blown mind control so far have had a servant or artifact or...general manifestation attached to it, so I don't even know if it can use those abilities on its own without an external catalyst of sorts. So with all of that in mind...what do I think are some examples of The Spider manipulating Jon? Well...I think a clear start to this would be him joining The Magnus Institute. Now yes, Jon does have his own motive for wanting to join the place, that obviously being his fascination with the paranormal, but...I still think The Spider likely pulled him there. This is because...well, look, the main point of this theory is that I'm trying to suggest that...all of tma is being laid out by this thing, or at the very least Jon's journey specifically. Like...The Spider is basically tma's version of the Greek fates, except instead of thread it uses silk and webs. And well...we wouldn't exactly have the story if Jon wasn't working at the institute, would we? But even then, The Spider does kind of seem like it has...some sort of alliance with The Eye. Like, spiders seem to be pretty commonplace in the institute, there are spiders eating the worms that attacked the place, that one spider in Lost and Found seemingly showed up in an attempt to force Jane to attack earlier than expected, they have a common enemy in The Stranger, and the way that The Eye is keeping Tim trapped in the institute...yeah, that feels pretty similar to stuff that The Spider does. Jon, as The Archivist, is...clearly instrumental to the plans of both Elias and The Eye, (GRRRR I JUST STARTED THINKING ABOUT HOW LITTLE WE KNOW ABOUT THAT BASTARD) even if we don't know how at the moment, so...if The Eye and The Spider are allies like I believe, then...it would make sense for it to draw Jon to the institute for...whatever reason. Oh, also...since I'm trying to go in chronological order...here's something that I just find a little interesting. ...Is it not a little bit strange that Martin's encounter with Jane, you know, that thing which basically set the overarching plot into full gear...happened because he was investigating a statement about a spider? ...I don't know, it doesn't really pertain to Jon specifically, but it does add to the idea that The Spider is...REALLY manipulating fate here. Anyways, another example would be how Jon smashed that one spider, and that led to The Prentiss Attack. I...already said I thought he was being controlled when I first reviewed that scene, because it reminded me a lot of what happened with Carlos Vittery, but now...I'm more sure of it than ever.

Then we have the smashing of the table, which...admittedly is probably the weakest example I have, if only for the fact that...it's a little strange that The Spider would want Jon to destroy an artifact of its own design. But even then...I mean, yes, I do very much appreciate that scene for how it displays Jon's breaking point at the end of Season 2, and it's honestly more in character for him than ever now that we know about his past...but in the words of tall blonde and handsome, "that was very stupid", even for Season 2 Jon. And besides, even if it did lead to the table being destroyed, my main point here is that The Spider is manipulating events to its liking, and I mean...if Jon didn't smash that table, then...pretty much all of the Season 2 finale would not have occurred, at least not in the manner that it did. And on that note...I think the final major example of all this manipulation can be seen in The Librarian, where Jon leaves the room for a smoke break, and comes back to find Leitner dead in his office. Look, I must reiterate...that was not entirely out of character for him, and I am not trying to strip Jon of all his agency just so I can make him look like a poor little meow meow who's never done anything wrong in his life. That would be an utter bastardization of his character so far, especially when it comes to his arc in Season 2. Him doing that...was decently in character. He was obviously very stressed in the moment, and his preconceived distaste for Leitner would probably make him inclined to...not listen to him a ton. ...Ok seriously, why the hell did Jonny cast his dad to play Leitner? Like...I doubt that's meant to imply anything but I'll be damned if it doesn't feel like it is. ...Uh, but anyways, yeah, that all makes sense...but things were just off enough back there for me to suspect some cosmic manipulation was going on. Because, like...Jon's not that dumb! If he was able to listen to and believe everything Leitner told him, then I'm pretty sure he'd be smart enough to realize that he should put aside his stress, and focus on dealing with everything important before Elias caught on to things. But...he didn't. And like...why a smoke break specifically? Why do that after being quit for five years? Why does he come back into the room ready to jokingly talk about being quit, as if he just came out of a completely different place and time? Well uh...I might actually have a reason for that. It's...almost definitely a very tinfoil hat thing for me to say, but...stay with me. So...I actually looked back at the first time I proclaimed The Spider manipulated him to smash that spider on the wall, all the way back in Season 1, and...I realized that I attributed that spider's appearance to something rather interesting. So...you know how Breekon and Hope brought the table to the institute? Well...I just remembered that they brought something else, something that's seemingly been innocuous ever since it first appeared. A...lighter with a spiderweb design on it, not too dissimilar to Gerard's eye lighter. ...Huh.

Ok, first of all, I...don't know if I've said this before, but it really bugs me how despite seemingly having The Lightless Flame as its number one enemy, The Spider has...a goddamn fire source as one of its artifacts. Like...what? But uh...that aside, I initially attributed the lighter as the cause of that spider's presence in the archives, and therefore it had...some connection to controlling Jon, even if in a roundabout way. But...the thing is, we never actually learn what he did with the thing, and as far as I'm concerned...it wasn't sent to artifact storage like the table, and he kept it with him. So...one must question. ...Did he use it to light his cigarette? And if so...did its presence allow The Spider to, at least to an extent, pull Jon out of the room for a few minutes, so...that way Elias could do his whole song and dance, therefore forcing Jon to flee the institute...and bringing us to where we are now? ...Ok, yes, I know this is probably very stupid, I know that this is the first time I've mentioned the lighter in like...twenty episodes, but...in all fairness, I have come up with worse before. Like, this is still a far cry from my Michael fusion theory. And like...hey, I was already suspicious of the whole smoke break thing, because it reminded me of Anglerfish. And like...yeah, The Anglerfish seems to be connected to The Stranger and not The Spider...but it also has a tendency to lure people away, it's somehow contributing to what seems to be the next big event in the story...and it was also in the first episode. So like...the start of Jon's story. There's something going on here, I'm sure of it. Oh, and mentioning The Stranger...I have to ask, what the hell is going on with Breekon and Hope? Because like...yeah, they're connected to The Stranger, I get that, they work with The Other Circus and The Trophy Room, they were friends with The NotThem, they're pretty uncanny, they're somehow involved with The Unknowing. But at the same time...they delivered two artifacts of The Spider to the institute, are in possession of a coffin that also has some weird mind-controlling properties, are generally just kind of all over the damn place, and...somehow orchestated one of tma's most insane and mind-bending stories with a creepy yellow stole and nothing more? And that story also featured Hill Top Road? You know, that place which was owned by a servant of The Spider? ...Yeah, despite all of those connections to The Stranger, they have some weird stuff going on with The Spider as well...and I don't know how to feel about it. Look...my point is basically this: Even if I don't have the widest repetoirre of evidence...I just have this feeling, this gut instinct that tells me....that The Spider is controlling much more than I thought. It...feels like it's in charge of everything, like it's manipulating Jon in ways that I can't properly understand, maybe even manipulating all of tma as we know it. It's just...wow. I'm...pretty scared by what this might imply for the future. If Jon's life is on railroad tracks, if that persists...oh god, it's just...it's so yikes. As far as I know, the only thing that might have a shot at dealing with The Spider is The Lightless Flame, but...to what extent is unclear. Overall...I've come out of this episode...really rethinking how I view the story of tma. Like...it is getting noticeably more crazy by the day, and uh...yeah, there's not much more to say on it. The Spider is a scary, scary presence. Uh...yeah. Oh, also, like...I am even more convinced of my simulation theory than ever before. Like...if my hypothesis is correct, then The Spider is basically like a programmer writing code. Do...do you get it? DO YOU GET IT?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!

Ok...I'm almost done. Breathe. So...that's about it for all my analysis of A Guest for Mr. Spider's main story. I'll...give my final thoughts on it at the end, but before that..I'd like to quickly go over the last little bits of the episode, because...there sure is some interesting stuff here. So, with all said and done, with his story finally put into words for the very first time...Jon has started to reflect. He thinks back to his early days of dimissing nearly every single statement of another as insane rambling, and realizes that...if not for how clear and vivid those memories are in his mind, he would have denied this story as well. His grandmother passed away five years ago, and Leitner...well, I don't have to explain him again, so he has no one who could possibly corroborate his tale. But...he knows. He will always remember what happened to him. But aside from that...it's made him realize something else. He thinks back to Mikael, and while he realizes that he was doomed as soon as he smacked the book out of his hands...he still can't get rid of this gnawing feeling that he could've saved him from his fate, despite his young and fragile disposition at the time. But while the thought may seem ridiculous...it's made him come to a grander realization. ...He needs help. Up until now, he has consistently pushed others away, and it's never helped him as much as he'd like to believe. But now that he realizes what he's up against, how Elias has murdered Gertrude and Leitner, Jon being framed for the latter, the looming threat of the mysterious Unknowing, which...ok, quick side tangent. That is...almost certainly going to be the main threat of the season, right? We still don't know what it is, my best bet is still that it's an attack on the institute that's...led by The Stranger but includes others, but uh...whatever it is, it definitely feels like it's going to be the next big thing that's being built up to. The Season 3 trailer also adds to this idea, but...like I said, I kind of want to know what's going on back at the institute before I cover that. Anyways, back to Jon....uh, yeah, that has all made him realize how much danger he's in, and that he's going to need help, even if most of his former allies are now convinced he's an insane murderer. Which honestly...is SO cathartic to hear come out of his mouth. Obviously, I'll need to wait and see what Jon's arc this season will be, but...this feels like a good start. When you ignore all of the relived childhood trauma...he's more chill in this episode than he was in the entirety of Season 2. I'm not saying that I don't like the absolute insanity of Season 2 Jon, but...it's nice to see him thinking straight for once is all. But with all of that said and done...one question remains. ...Where the fuck is he? Like, not mentally, I think that's decently well established, but like...in terms of location. Well...the answer certainly gave me a surprise. Because as it turns out, he's not in the sewers, or the forest, or prison, but instead...he is squatting in the house of the lady who does her own in-universe spooky podcast, has a cat named The Admiral, and is decently likely to be his ex-girlfriend. Firstly, it's lovely to finally meet Georgie. Secondly...WHAT THE FUCK JON?!

So...Georgie Barker. Her name has been...quite the enigmatic one up until now. Basically, all we knew about her was that she's this lady who runs her own in-universe spooky podcast called "What the Ghost", is well acquainted with Melanie, (which by the way...is SHE ok? Did she die in Amritsar? I'm getting kind of worried about her to be honest.) somewhat familiar with Sarah Baldwin, and...knew Jon at a time, with it being pretty strongly implied that she might be his ex. Which like, if so...I shudder to know what Jon was like to date. I don't think he'd be toxic or abusive or anything, just like...really goddamn weird. Probably pretty endearing, but...REALLY weird, and I say that lovingly. But uh...yeah, I was already very endeared to her as a concept, but...it admittedly weirded me out how, despite knowing of her since Skintight, we...never really saw her, not even in a statement beyond Melanie's first one. But...hey, she's finally here! And...yeah, I already love her. Ok, she did give me a brief jumpscare, since she kind of sounded like the original Sasha at first (which is funny since that's the name of her VA), but I forgive her. But uh...yeah, I quite like her! There's...not really all that much to say about her so far, but she seems pretty nice, I like what we've seen of her dynamic with Jon, and...yeah, I just really like her vibe! Super happy to have her on board, and uh...yeah, not much more to say other than that I look forward to seeing what she'll do! But of course, I cannot neglect to mention...what I think is her cat (it would be weird if he wasn't)...The Admiral. I know nothing about him other than that he sleeps on the radiator and has the greatest name for a cat of all time, but you know what? That is more than enough to make him the best character in the entire story so far, and...probably forever. If ANY harm comes to this guy I will send the sun hurtling upon the earth. But uh...Jon, I have to ask. ...WHAT IN THE NINE CIRCLES OF HELL COMPELLED YOU TO HIDE AWAY HERE?!

Like...I'm guessing it's because it's the safest option available, but ...that raises its own questions! I personally get the sense that Jon and Georgie might be exes, something that's strengthened by their interactions here. Like...they're amicable and friendly, but...still a little bit awkward from the looks of things. But ...even if she isn't his ex, we know that she's at the very least someone who...has nice things to say about Jon to Melanie, but apparently didn't part with him on the best of terms, so...it's a bit concerning that she's his best available option for a hiding place. Like...this guy does not have very many friends, does he? And ...I honestly feel kind of bad for her. I don't want to call Jon a leech or anything, he's obviously in a lot of danger and needs what help he can get, but...this poor girl. She already feels so normal and down to earth when compared to every other bozo in this cursed as all hell story, so...the fact that she is not only harboring a wanted murder suspect who is seemingly being hunted down by a very scary police officer if the trailer is anything to go off of, but has also now gotten stuck with a guy who is trapped in the scenario of a lifetime, likely being a paranormal entity in progress himself...yeah, I feel really bad for her! Just...damn Georgie, you are in for a trip. Welcome to The Magnus Archives. What doesn't help is that despite Jon's new philosophy of getting help...he's still being closed off about what happens towards Georgie, making it seem as if he simply lost his job, which like...yeah, good luck getting that to happen buddy. And...I mean, to be fair, I get that it's only been two days, and...explaining the past, what, year and a quarter of bullshit to someone who's been almost entirely out of the loop would...most certainly be difficult, and hell, given how the episode ends with Jon sighing...I get the vibe that he feels pretty bad about it and recognizes the hypocrisy...it's still kind of a shame. Hopefully he can find a way to tell her everything without her getting too wrapped up in things, and hopefully she can help him without hurting herself too much...but knowing tma...I'm not so sure. Man...the only person he can get help from is also one of the people who'd likely suffer the most from doing so...that's just cruel. Well...that's about all I have to say on that, although I do want one of those "What the Ghost?" t-shirts that Georgie gave Jon.

Well...that's all I have to say on A Guest for Mr. Spider. You know...it's kind of funny. Going in, I knew that I loved this episode a ton, but I was really struggling to tell if it was my new favorite or not, and I honestly thought it would take me a good while to decide. But...now that I've actually had a good while to think about it (writing this took WAY too long for a single episode holy shit please calm down soon Jonny), I think...yeah. This...this really is my new favorite episode in all of tma. Truth be told...I think a lot of it comes down to Jon's involvement. The episode would still rank very high for me even if the statement was given by a complete rando, but...the way it sheds so much light on Jon's character, explains so much of what he's done over the past 80 episodes, the way it puts him into perspective, the way that it makes me truly realize...how much I really do adore this character...it's all so special. But even without Jon, it still remains incredible. The concept is absolutely terrifying, even moreso with the execution, every line of dialogue feels written to perfection, and it's just such a real and visceral look into childhood trauma. It's...also probably the most relatable episode of all of tma for me, and dare I say...one of the most relatable works of ficition I've ever bore witness to. Ok, that last part...might still need to be decided on, but...this evoked a feeling in me that I don't get very often. It's like...a sort of twisted nostalgia, it makes me feel so warm and so understood, but...there's this underlying dread, this...light that shines so bright on me that it also shows elements of myself that I don't like on full display. But...that's not something that comes by easily. And because of that...I think this episode is something really special, despite Jonny saying otherwise. Like, I'm sorry, I really respect and admire the guy...but I CANNOT fathom how he thinks this is one of his weakest episodes, like...I'm stunned. And you know what the craziest part of all this is? ...This was the first episode of the season. Look...I don't expect anything else in Season 3 to beat this episode for me, hell, maybe anything in all of tma and tmagp. If so, I will be more than pleasantly surprised, but...I'm going to temper my expectations either way. But...if any episode can mimic even a fraction of this episode's greatness...you'd best believe that episode is going to rock some serious balls in my eyes. Just...yeah. Ladies, gentlemen and my beloved something or others, A Guest for Mr. Spider. But like...Jesus on a tricycle, can we PLEASE slow down sooner rather than later? I've typed out like...18,000 for this episode alone, and I still have nine more to get through for this post. Just like...I know you wanted to start this season off strong, but...you didn't have to go THIS far!

Supplemental: Uh...surprisingly enough I think I covered everything I wanted to. I mean...I'm sure there's like thirty things that didn't even cross my mind, but...everything that did is here and accounted for, wow. Anyways, there was just a…completely unrelated thing I wanted to mention that’s just been floating around in my brain recently. So…you know how I've mentioned how weird it is that Jonah Magnus decided to relocate the institute to Millbank after he became aware of Smirke's architecture? Well...it recently occurred to me that, as far as I know, it's...never actually been stated when the institute relocated, so for all we know, it's possible that Jonah was dead at this point, and the decision was made by a different head or someone similar. So that makes him...a little less of an anomaly, but it doesn't change the fact that he very much intrigues me. Well, that's all, goodnight Magnus Institute.

- Episode 82, The Eyewitnesses 👁‍🗨

Statement of Alice Tonner, regarding the crimes and death of Calvin Benchley. Statement never given by subject.

Oh...dear god. I'm...never getting that moment of peace, am I? So...wow. We've finally gotten to properly see what's happening back at the institute, and...it is gut-wrenchingly terrifying. Just..just no. No. No no no no no no NO. I uh...I have some choice words for you, Mr. Bouchard. At the very least, I'm glad to know that Martin and Tim aren't dead or anything...but that sure as hell does not mean that they're doing well. But uh...yeah, this episode had quite a lot of stuff in it. Granted, it's on the shorter side, so I don't think I'll have quite as much to say about it as I've had with some of the previous episodes, but...still. It gives us a better look at Martin and Tim, explains a lot about a character I...really wasn't expecting a full-fledged explanation for so soon, and finally shows us just...how much psychological horror can be evoked by Elias Bouchard, and what he's like as a villain in general. If I'm being honest...I'm not too sure how well I'll be able to summarize this episode. Even though it technically contains a "statement" the way that statement is delivered to us is kind of its own gruesome beast, and while...yeah, we now have a decent idea of the general situation back at the institute, I don't actually think this episode is meant to show us...what these institute episodes, presumably without Jon (it's kind of insane to have an episode without him for the first time), will be like going forward. Like, in a similar vein to A Guest for Mr. Spider, it's meant to acqaint us with the characters, but..not really the structure. The difference though is that A Guest for Mr. Spider was still given the same stucture as any other statement, while this one...is unlike anything before it. Still though...I'm going to try my best. It's...a pretty freaky scenario, but...I can't exactly not go over it.

So...things are pretty bad. Understandably, after discovering the mutilated body of Leitner in Jon's office, Martin, Tim, and really the entire vibe, are all...a lot shakier, to put it lightly. But fortunately, the police did not neglect to show up at the scene and sort things out. ...Unfortunately, they decided to send Daisy. So yeah...Daisy's back! We already knew that she would be in charge of the investigation due to the Season 3 trailer, but...hey, it's cool to see her! She definitely left a very strong and intriguing impression back in Hard Shoulder, so I'm super happy to see her become a more major player. At least...I think she'll be a more major player? Honestly, it's...kind of hard to tell. Given how this episode ends it's...not impossible for her to just run and never come back, but...I still think there's potential for her to do more. Regardless, she's here to investigate the crime scene, and...ok, that's...admittedly not good. Especially when compared to Basira, Daisy...already showed some not so great tendencies in Hard Shoulder, both as a person in general and as a police officer, and those tendencies become even more apparent going forward. She also doesn't have the same rapport with Jon that Basira had, hell, she seems to hold an odd distaste for him. Although she...kind of seems to hold a distaste for everyone aside from Basira so...I don't know how intrigued I should be by her feelings towards Jon, since it kind of looks like she might act like that towards most people. Regardless, she already has a natural bias against Jon, which is not helped by the rather effective framing done by Elias. So...yikes. Anyways, she's requested brief interviews with Martin, Tim and Elias, mostly to see if she can get information on Jon's whereabouts. Starting off with Martin, we see that...while shaken, he doesn't actually believe that Jon committed the murder, which...I guess is reassuring, since it definitely seemed like he did given his initial reaction to the body at the end of Season 2. And I mean...yeah, I'm sure this belief of his is at least partially motivated by his very much definitely heterosexual and platonic bias towards Jon (holy shit I will get to that later), but it's nice to know that at least one person is on his side in the matter. But when Martin brings up his belief in him, Daisy seems...oddly appalled by the idea of looking for other suspects, which is...the first of quite a few red flags she presents. I'll...dive into this a bit more later, but...yeah, this episode has quite a few things to say about law enforcement that I find pretty interesting, and Daisy is a prime example of those things. Look, I...I ultimately do find her to be a very interesting and compelling character despite her rather limited presence so far, and given what happens in the latter half of this episode...I honestly feel pretty bad for her in places, but...I think it should go without saying that Daisy is...not exactly a good person. I like her, but...she's pretty bad, and to be honest...she's like the closest thing to a perfect combination of everything people complain about with cops that I've ever seen. She's extremely neglectful towards the idea of actually helping people despite what her occupation should entail, instead opts to use her occupation as a way of abusing power and getting a thrill out of being in control, and as we see later, is...not above doing some very terrible things. She's not pure evil or anything, I mean...I'd definitely argue we get an example of a WAY more evil character in this episode, but...out of all of tma's complex and morally gray characters, she...definitely leans on the dark side more than most.

Regardless, Martin tries to bring up the tape that he and Tim recorded when inside the backrooms, but Daisy immediately shoots him down, saying that on top of him being the only person to be backing up the main murder suspect, the amount of distortion on the tape makes him look a lot more suspicious, as if he were an accomplice, which like...what the hell?! She goes even further, doubting the truth behind Martin's claims of Michael and the backrooms, and just...girlie, you have witnessed someone getting devoured by a coffin, an infestation of evil zombie worms, a creepy darkness cult who tried to possess a child with black goo, and as we learn later...whatever the fuck happened in your childhood. I do NOT think that the existence of a man with knife hands and some creepy changing hallways are that far fetched. Just goes to show that...at the end of the day, Daisy is more concerned with getting the easy way out of a case, rather than the actual truth. It's not about what's real to her, it's just about whatever's the most logical and concise. ...sigh. ...cops. Like I said, I do find her to be a pretty endearing character...but man, it's times like these where I wish Basira was still on the force. Like, I'm ultimately happy for her, I think it was the right move to just...try and distance herself from everything as much as she could, and hell, as much as I love her, I actually wouldn't be upset if she just...never showed up again, and lived a normal and peaceful life outside of the story. But like...if she was here, things would be going SO much more smoothly than they are now. Uh...anyways, going back to Daisy doubting the validity of Martin's claims, she actually mentions something...pretty peculiar in a throwaway line. So, back in The Librarian, Martin mentioned coming across a woman in danger, and Daisy's words here definitively confirm that she was trapped in the backrooms. That's...certainly interesting. My mind immediately went to Helen Richardson upon hearing this, but after some reflection...I don't actually think it's her. It's mostly because her statement in The New Door showed us that you can still experience dehydration, starvation and fatigue when inside there, so...if Michael didn't already kill her, chances are she died anyways, since it's been roughly four months since her second disappearance. But...that just means there's some other woman trapped in there that we likely don't know about. And...I have no idea what that might mean. Um...but going back to the conversation between Martin and Daisy, she continues to be questionable by saying that because of Martin's "flimsy" evidence, she's more than willing to pin the blame on him and be done with it, and she makes it very clear that without a partner to keep her in line, and with the operational discretion provided by her shitty superiors...she can very well do so without issue. ...ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB ACAB. So uh...yeah, the environment is anything but pleasant...but that all changes in just a moment.

So...oh my god. I just...writing this down makes me so giddy. Ok, so...Daisy questions Martin about Jon's whereabouts, and when he can't provide her with anything, she thinks he's lying. That in itself isn't great...but then she says that everyone said Jon and Martin were close, and...oh my god. I could just...SEE him twirling his hair with a smug little expression on his face after that. Like...the...the transcript said "inordinately pleased" so...oh my god. You know...I try to take a queer reading of fiction whenever I think it makes sense, and that was certainly the case with tma up until this point, but...even I had some minor subconcious feelings of doubt about Martin's crush. Like...I was pretty sure it existed, but not entirely 100%. Now though? I mean...come on, there is NO heterosexual explanation for that young man's tone right there. I just...we fucking won. All I need now is for their future relationship to not be horribly tragic and I'm good! ...Fuck I just jinxed it didn't I? Also, either way, it warms my heart to hear it said out loud that Jon and Martin are considered "close". I mean...I don't think Jon's standards of "close" are particularly high, even if they might change with the new mindset he's trying to adapt, but...considering how not a day went by without him shit-talking Martin back in early Season 1...I don't know, it's nice to hear the story acknowledge that they've grown in that regard, especially since...let's be honest, Jon's arc has been a psychological downward spiral in most ways so far. Well, that's all very sweet, but it's time to get back to depression. With no information to provide about Jon's potential whereabouts or contacts, Martin is sent out and asked to bring Tim in. ...But not before he asks about Sasha. ...Oh dear. So...on top of taking the easy route of assuming that Jon killed both Leitner and Gertrude...Daisy thinks that because Sasha is nowhere to be seen, Jon killed her as well. If not, she's his accomplice. That...really hurts given...everything we know about their bond, everything that happened with The NotThem, and...I don't know, it really puts into perspective how Martin and Tim still have no real clue as to what happened. I mean...they're going to have to figure it out eventually, but...I'm honestly really scared for whenever that moment comes. Because when you consider how Jon took the news...yeah, it's not going to be much prettier when the news reaches them. Just...man, the whole situation really does suck, doesn't it? Jon being suspect number one, Martin being the only one who believes in him despite it all, Sasha...ugh. Well...I...I guess I should move on to Tim.

So...huh. I...have something I need to confess regarding my feelings on Tim. It's...sort of been brewing for a while now, but I think this episode made my thoughts on him...a bit more clear. As of now, I still think he's probably the character I have the most...complicated perspective on. Like, I think I need to see how his character progresses going forward before I can form a definitive opinion on him. But for now, I have to say...man, I really do miss how he was back in Season 1. Now granted, I think that there are a lot of benefits to the direction his character has taken. Ultimately, he was the archival assistant with the least time around in Season 1, and subsequently had the least depth, but the story has made plenty of strides to fix that since. Nowadays, he feels like a much more complicated and nuanced character with a lot of intrigue behind him, and I do not want to undersell the value that his arc brings. Seeing him go from the chipper and flirty diva of the archives to someone so angry and bitter is genuinely really compelling and tragic. But...I'd be lying if I said it didn't frustrate me, and to be completely honest...I just feel really sad whenever Tim is around. Which is such a shame, especially given how he always brightened the mood in his earlier appearances. Now look...I think it makes sense for him to act the way he does, and I can't really be that harsh on him in a way that's fair. Given the knowledge he possesses, his mental state and general perspective...yeah, it totally makes sense for him to be as angry at Jon as he is, for him to feel so beaten down by the hand the world has been dealing him recently. And like I said...it is really tragic, it's good writing, and I do seriously feel bad for him. But...that doesn't mean that I enjoy seeing him like this at all. Like...I think it's amazing that Rusty Quill is able to evoke such feelings of sadness in me, and Mike LeBeau is doing wonders in terms of performance, but...yeah, it still feels bad. It's great from a writing, directing and storytelling perspective, but frustrating from an emotional one. And I mean..given what we recently learned about Jon and how his mind functions, along with how almost all of the odds are stacked against him at the moment...I'm more inclined to side with him than I've ever been before. Back in Season 2, I was more understanding of Tim's frustration, because...yeah, Jon was doing some really questionable things. Hell, I think that from a near objective standpoint, Tim's anger isn't any less justifiable, not only because he still lacks the truth behind what's actually been happening, but also because...Jon has overall done much worse things than him, at least as far as we're aware. But...A Guest for Mr. Spider has kind of flipped the script for me when it comes to Jon and Tim's opposition towards one another. While I do acknowledge that I need to see how their characters progress throughout the season, especially with Jon...at this precise moment, Jon has changed from a character who I really liked but often disagreed with, to one who I fully sympathize with and am in complete support of. So by proxy...Tim is getting harder and harder to side with on a personal level, and right now...I really don't know who or what to believe.

And once again, I don't expect Tim to suddenly be completely cool with Jon just because the audience is, he has every reason to believe that Jon is a violent killer when you look at things from his perspective...but it's still really depressing. I still really like Tim as a character, maybe even more than I did in Season 1...but as a person...he's just kind of a killjoy. Like, I get it, it's good writing, it makes sense, I sympathize...but yeah. I don't think there's any chance of getting good old Joe Spooky back, but...at the very least, I feel like I'm in pretty desperate need of a deeper look at Tim's psyche, because if so...I feel like I'll be able to see him and Jon as a bit more equal. And I mean, hey, we've now established that episodes that don't contain Jon, instead focusing on the assistants, are indeed possible, so...I'm willing to wait for his full character to take shape. But as of now...I don't know, he confounds me. I like him much more than I dislike him, but...yeah, for the time being, Tim is a character that makes me feel very turbulent emotions. Which like, once again, props to Rusty Quill for being able to evoke those emotions in me through a fictional guy. I still do have quite a large fondness for his character, I'm anything but not compelled by what's going on with him and his relationships with others, and I mean....hey, even if he's lost some of his razzly dazzly charm, he's still like...the third sexiest character after Jane and Michael, and as far as canon is concerned he still seduces police officers for the sake of extortion, so...yeah, at the end of the day he's still a radical king who I love very dearly. But like...I do need him to sort his shit out sooner rather than later. Well uh...yeah, that about does it for my rant about my feelings on the hot one, so how's he doing now? Well...yeah, I mean, he's kind of at the lowest point he's ever been. As soon as he enters the room, you can just tell how broken he's become by everything that's been happening lately, and...ok can I just gush about tma's voice acting for a second? Because like...it's been a while since I've done that for anyone who isn't Jon. I already said that Mike LeBeau portrays Tim super well, but like....there's so many others as well! Alexander J. Newall also does a great job portraying Martin's anxieties, Fay Roberts is genuinely really intimidating as Daisy, Sue Sims brings so much unique and calculated charm as Gertrude, Lydia Nicholas really sells Melanie's banter with Jon, Frank Voss makes Basira sound like the chillest person ever, same goes for Perdita Stott as Karolina, Luke Booys is delightfully insane as Michael (his laugh...oh my god), Carrie Cohen and Eve Hewitt are both just...absolutely terrifying as Mary and The NotThem, and Ben Meredith as Elias...oh my god, I will get to him later. Just...yeah, I wanted to show some appreciation for the voice cast, because I honestly can't imagine tma without them. Going back to Tim though, he enters the room and tells Daisy that she can turn the recorder off for the interview. And...that's when something really, REALLY weird happens. It stands out so much more, because truth be told...Tim's interview really doesn't give us all that much to dwell on, at least that I haven't already discussed. It kind of just boils down to him...also not having any knowledge on Jon's whereabouts or allies, agreeing with Daisy's notion of him killing Leitner, Gertrude and Sasha, and being very angry and embittered about his general situation. That's...about all there is to it. But when Daisy turns off the recorder for the interview...it turns back on. Without her doing anything. As if...out of its own will or something. Oh. OH. OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I'M NOT READY FOR THIS!!!!

I um...I don't exactly have a very clear and concise theory on what this might mean yet, but uh...I certainly have some thoughts. For a while now, I've had my fair share of suspicions surrounding...I guess...the general framing device of tma. Like, the in-universe methods it uses to tell both its anthological one-offs and overarching narrative. As time has gone on, and the institute has proven itself to be weirder and weirder, I've started to grow more wary of what initially seem like meaningless details. Things that I initially brushed off as inconsequential contrivances that...didn't really work in the context of the world, lore and narrative, but made sense when you considered the technical aspects and general tone of tma as a real-world work of fiction...started to become a lot more genuinely weird to me. Like, for example, everyone being able to recount their experiences perfectly with...different, yet still uncannily similar cadences for seperate people, or...I don't know, all of the silly accents that Jon (and also Gertrude, even if to a lesser extent) put on for statements, as if they're actually is one of the people who submit these things. I initially wrote these off as just...side effects of tma having really good writing and voice acting. Sure, it might be a bit unrealistic for everyone to remember their stories perfectly, or for The Archivists to do silly little voices despite their mostly deadpan demeanors, but like...it's much better that we have that than have poorly summarized stories, or incessantly dull and repetitive voice acting. And like...yeah, I'm sure that these aspects of the podcast are all a part of the real world production process, but...I don't know, nowadays I get the feeling that they might actually mean something. Examples of why include that one part of The Smell of Blood, where Jon reads a quote from William Hay given to him by Melanie...and he almost immediately switches into his ominous statement reading voice, as if it's some sort of uncontrollable reflex. Or, funnily enough, the last episode Daisy appeared in, where she seemed really uninterested in giving a statement, only there to deliver a tape from Basira...but then proceeded to deliver a statement with perfect prose and detail, made even weirder by the fact that all it took to get her to give a statement in the first place was Jon (a guy who she is far from fond of)....politely asking her once, seemingly with no intention of pushing it. And...then there's the tapes, which have been even more blatantly weird. Small little details like the fact that, for whatever reason, the actually real statements can't be uploaded to modern technology and only work on tape, which...you know, is basically the entire reason we're getting to hear this story. Or how they're the only thing aside from polaroids that we know is immune to The NotThem's reality-bending properties. But...at the end of the day, those are all minor details. Definitely worth taking note of, I'm sure they'll become important, but they're never really acknowledged by the characters all that much. They've always been brushed over in favor of more obvious and important things. But now...we have this. Which...feels like the first example of the show blatantly acknowledging the weirdness of its own format and existence, or at least, the characters within the show are acknowledging it. ...Ok, wow, that was a much more long-winded explanation than I probably needed to give, but with all of that said...what do I think this detail actually means?

Well...firstly, I feel like this might give us a good idea of...what Season 3 is setting out to do, or at least one of its goals. One of Season 2's big plot points was...the inherent weirdness of the institute itself. As time went on, it became more and more apparent that the institute was just as paranormal as everything else in the statements, and it ultimately culminated in the reveal of it, and seemingly all the people within, albeit some more than others, belonging to The Eye. But the thing is...we still don't have the best idea of what that really means. I mean, we certainly do in some places, but...beyond the basic idea of "the institute is actually really freaky", we...don't have many extra details. For example, we know that the title of "Archivist" has a much deeper meaning than we initially assumed...but there's absolutely no clue as to what that meaning even is to begin with. So...I don't know, I feel like this little bit of the tape turning itself back on might signify that...while Season 2 gave us the basic confirmation of the institute being paranormal, Season 3 is going to give us a deep dive into HOW it's paranormal. Which like...it kind of already has, but I'll get to that in due time. But outside of what this means for the storytelling, what does it mean for the in-universe lore? Well...yeah, I feel pretty confident in saying that The Eye, or someone or something that serves or connects to it, maybe even Elias, is the thing responsible for the tapes turning on without a clear reason. I mean...pretty much everyone and everything in the institute is at least kind of subject to The Eye's influence, so...yeah, I think this is a pretty cold take. I did consider The Spider being involved, given both its connections to the institute, and the fact that...you know, I suggested that it was a sort of puppet master being, and...the tapes are the lens through which we hear tma's story, but...eh. I think The Eye works better, not only due to lack of information on The Spider and...the fact that I'm probably high on recency bias after the last episode, but also because I can provide a bit more proof for The Eye. Outside of the very obvious institute connections, The Eye is...well, an observer, a being that seemingly seeks knowledge, hence its presence in a place of academia and its fondness for the scholars within. This is likely why so many other members of ✨the horrors✨ seem to detest the thing, as beings like The Stranger, The Flesh Hive, and most likely The Divine Host's patron all seem to value being hidden, or...hard to really understand. This is also why I think "The Unknowing" is supposed to be a big attack on the institute, similar to what happened with Leitner's library, because...you know, they want to remain "unknown". But that aside...this desire for knowledge gives The Eye a perfect connection to the tapes. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to call the tapes artifacts at this point. It seeks to record knowledge, seemingly with a preference for knowledge on all of✨the horrors✨ ...and that's exactly what the tapes do. Maybe the reason the tapes preserve the voices of The NotThem's victims is because of the rivalry between The Eye and The Stranger. Maybe the reason real statements don't record on computers is because either The Eye wants them on tape for some reason, and decided to corrupt the institute computers, or...maybe The Eye can't control computers at all, because they belong to whatever the fuck made Binary happen. Like...I don't know, I think it all adds up, and it gives good reason as to why The Eye would want to keep the tapes on in moments as important as Daisy's interviews. There are also...just a couple of miscellaneous things this reveal made me think.

Firstly, it...kind of reminded me of when I listened to Infestation, because...when I wrote about that episode, I said that Jon's monologue about his denial made me think that WE, the listeners, were causing his feeling of being watched. I kind of forgot about that, but now...I'm...unfortunately starting to believe that might be the case. Like, I don't know if I'm supposed to view The Eye as a metaphor for the audience or...literally us, and I know it's not a perfect analogy since we're listening and not watching...but like...you see where I'm going, right? Like, we are...in a way, witnessing everything, we're also constantly chasing after answers and trying to understand ✨the horrors✨ in a way that makes rational sense, and like...the tapes are the only way that we can even get the story to our brains, so...that kind of ties back to The Eye turning on the tapes so it can see what's happening? Maybe? I don't know, I think it could work as a cool analogy but...I'm really just spitballing here. But uh...if I DID want to take a more literal approach to this idea...well...given that tma IS a work of fiction...I don't know, I think the idea of the audience being The Eye could work well with my simulation theory. Oh, and on the note of The Eye using the tapes to gain information...that brings me to my second point. What if...maybe, when the tapes are off, The Eye is a little bit weaker. Like...the tapes amplify its power in some way, and that's also another reason as to why it's keeping them on. Like...we don't get to hear about anything that isn't recorded on tape, so...if you view the audience and The Eye as being somewhat connected, that checks out, right? Now, I don't think that The Eye is entirely powerless without the tapes. If that were the case, then Tim probably could've quit a while ago. But...I do think The Eye is weaker without them. Honestly...the main reason I'm proposing this is because I think it would be a cool explanation as to why Elias is as ok with doing insane shit on tape as he is, despite his previously dull demeanor. Like...I have other ideas as to why he's acting the way he is regardless of whether this theory is true or not, but...this would add to it. Rather than being careless and foolishly leaving a tape on while he does his song and dance with the pipe, he's intentionally leaving it on because he knows that it gives The Eye, and therefore him, more power. And...on that note, I guess I should finally talk about Elias' interview. Uh...anyways, the tapes are really weird, there's probably a bunch of stuff I've neglected to mention, but...yeah, that's all from me! Anyways, Tim leaves the room, I sigh as I think about how he's doing...and then...HE comes in. I just....what the fuck is this rich twink's problem.

I just...I find it so twisted and sick yet so funny that this guy, like...THIS GUY, who has the power to know everything everywhere all at once...decided to murder with a gun and a metal pipe. I just. He- he literally has eldritch god powers and that's how he decided to kill people. I just. Ok man do your thing. So...if I really wanted to, I could just reiterate a lot of the stuff that I said about Elias during The Librarian. Like, I used to think he was this very mysterious yet pretty average and practical guy, and if he did anything bad he would be on the morally gray spectrum, yet it turns out he's actually twisted as all shit. I'm very concerned by what he's capable of, whatever he's planning, how he generally works, what happened to make him this way, what he's already done in the past, and what him being a villain means for the rest of the story. So like...take that basic recap of my thoughts on him after Brutal Pipe Murder, and just...dial them up to eleven for this episode because HOLY FUCK. I'm...absolutely terrified of this man. The Librarian showed us that he was capable of some really fucked up things, but this...I mean, obviously we still know pretty little about him, but...this episode doesn't just show us how terrifying his actions are. Because on top of that...we just get to see how twisted his mind is, how he functions on a psychological level, how he chooses to interact with anyone who isn't of use to him. And in the lightest of terms, it is absolutely ghastly. Like...I'm genuinely stunned by how scared I was during the latter half of this episode. It's so weird as well, because like...in concept, an evil CEO with knowledge god superpowers doesn't sound like the scariest thing the podcast has made so far, and like...yeah, it isn't, stuff like the Daedalus space station still runs circles around him for me, but...damn, his yikes levels are surprisingly high. Now...I feel like I should just briefly note the one concern I have regarding Elias' characterization. I said back in The Librarian that while I'm not inherently opposed to twist villains as a whole, and while Elias ultimately worked in that episode, I do have a problem when twist villains do complete 180º turns in terms of personality, and I really hoped that wouldn't happen with Elias. Two episodes later, and...I'm happy to say that he hasn't taken that turn here. Like, yeah, we are seeing a side of him that he hasn't shown before, but like...given the context and the high position of power he has, (as well as the tape theory if it ends up being true) it doesn't feel out of character for him. I mean...if I'm being honest he didn't have the most well-established sense of character in the first two seasons, so like...yeah, out of everyone in the main cast I'm probably the most chill with him when it comes to drastic changes in portrayal. But that being said...the episode did raise some concerns that he...might go down the shitty twist route later on. I wish I could provide an explanation as to why I think this but...I really can't. It's...I guess it's just a weird gut instinct thing, but I'm ultimately going to try and use my head here. I think it'll all come down to...whenever we next see Elias interact with one of his staff, or at the very least Jon. It's worth noting that the only two scenes that crazy psycho Elias has been in so far were conversations with Leitner and Daisy, both of whom are people he has antagonistic relationships with. But...every other scene with him, all of which happened before Brutal Pipe Murder, were conversations between him and Jon, and then one between him and Jon with the archival assistants also in the room, and finally one between him and Sasha.

And I think it makes sense for him to be more calm, composed and courteous in these scenes, because if The Eye keeping everyone in the institute and like...his entire relationship with Jon so far are anything to go off of, Elias probably heavily values his staff. ...Maybe not in the most preferable, innocent and non-evil way, but he values them nonetheless, the same of which cannot be said for Leitner and Daisy. So basically...I just need to get a scene between him and either Martin or Tim before I make my judgement on whether or not he's working as a twist villain. Obviously, even if he acts the exact same as he did for the majority of the first two seasons, I'll have a different perception of him due to what I now know...but I'll try to take as unbiased of an approach as possible when seeing how he acts around his staff going forward. And if for whatever reason he unmasks his chill facade in front of Martin and Tim for no reason...I can probably stick it out until he and Jon next interact, since...he seems to be even more key to Elias' machinations than the assistants. Ultimately though, I don't think I should be too worried, since Jonny is a fantastic writer, and I have good faith that he can pull Elias' character off nicely. Oh, and one last thing about Elias' general portrayal in this episode. ...Ben Meredith, you goddamn legend. He's always played Elias well, but I think both the character's limited screentime and dry persona in the first two seasons definitely held him back a little bit. But now...he's absolutely killing it. You can just tell how much fun he's having playing this conniving bastard, and it absolutely pays off. Like...he adds SO much to this episode, and I NEED Elias to be a more prominent recurring character this season instead of hiding in the background, because...man, if Rusty Quill can give this guy the time, I think we could end up with something really special in our hands. Hell, as much as the dick pisses me off (er...Elias, not Ben), he did such a good job reading the statement this episode that I honestly wouldn't be upset if he became the..."replacement" for Jon this season. I mean...in the sense that he reads the statements, not in the sense that he becomes The Archivist, because...he said it himself that Jon would be hard to replace. And uh...on that note...let's finally get to his interview with Daisy. ...Man I am killing it with my segues today.

So, Elias comes into the room, and...already, something feels off. Compared to Martin's worry and Tim's exhaustion, he's...calm, collected, and while far from giddy and gleeful, he sounds just chipper enough to make it so that something feels...off. This odd behavior continues when he tells Daisy that he not only doesn't think Jon's the killer, but...expects him to return eventually. I'm...pretty sure I get why he's saying this. Based on his interactions with Leitner in The Librarian, it seems like...while Elias killed him in order to prevent him from gaining his secret files (which I REALLY want to know more about by the way) and destroying the institute, he specifically framed Jon...not so that he wouldn't be caught, but rather so that Jon would be forced to flee the institute for a while, which he wants for....some....reason. So I think this dialogue is meant to reinforce his goals...but it does also show just how unafraid of Daisy he truly is. It's shown in clearer and more interesting ways in a minute, but...I think the main thing that makes Elias so terrifying in this episode is how much power, and how little fear he possesses. He is in complete control of the situation, not afraid of repercussions for his actions whatsoever...and it's fucking haunting. He is not only more than willing to clear Jon's name, seemingly because he needs him alive for something, but is also willing to implicate himself for the crime if it means that Daisy doesn't arrest him, because...he can! He...he can just do whatever he wants, and I absolutely hate it. This also makes pairing him up with Daisy for a scene really genius, because both of them are people in high positions of societal power who abuse their status for personal gain, often hurting others in the process. But uh...I should stop rambling and move on, because once again, this dynamic is showcased in more clever ways in a bit. So, Elias kind of implies that he hopes Jon is a murderer, and...I cannot for the life of me understand what he means when he says this. Like...I feel like maybe I should know and I'm missing some deeper subtext, but it also feels equally possible that it's foreshadowing something that'll be explained later, or...maybe he's just pulling a Michael and fucking with Daisy, which would...admittedly be on brand. Well...I'll put a pin in that for now, but going forward, Elias goes on to ask Daisy if she's been able to identify the body, acting like a sassy little bitch in the process, which...I'm guessing he's secretly doing in an attempt to make sure no one knows it's Leitner? Maybe? I don't know, he....he's polarizing. Regardless, Daisy basically tells him that she hasn't been able to figure out the victim's identity, and that they're still a "John Doe", to which Elias laughs, saying that he's "just remembering an old joke" when Daisy asks why. Now, some people in the YouTube comments recognized John Doe as the name of one of the students from Anatomy Class (which I would NOT have recognized otherwise, so thanks a bunch for that). But...while that's pretty interesting in its own right, and while Anatomy Class is...certainly on the more comedic side of tma episodes, I think it would be more in character for Elias to laugh at this because "John Doe" is basically a placeholder name in The UK that's used for those who are unknown or anonymous, something that was established in Anatomy Class. And since Leitner's entire motivation for everything he did was to be recognized...yeah, it feels pretty fitting for Elias to find his fate as an anonymous corpse somewhat funny. Just...god, if that's the case then that is fucking twisted. But uh...disregarding that, we...we finally get to the real meat. Yeah, we...haven't even got there until now.

After all the back and forth, Daisy asks Elias her main question, that of course being whether or not he knows Jon's whereabouts. And...his answer is most certainly interesting. Because apparently...he does. He knows exactly where Jon is and exactly who he's with...and given what he does later, I'm...I'm inclined to believe he's telling the truth. And...once again, that's absolutely terrifying. Even if he plans to let Jon stay for the time being...he'll most likely want him back at the institute eventually...and I really don't like the fact that he could get him back as easily as it seems, especially given Georgie's involvement. But as Daisy tries to get more information out of him, he makes little jabs at her and her profession, questioning if it's worth operating entirely alone and without support, before he eventually makes it clear to her that he has no intention of telling her Jon's whereabouts despite his knowledge, solidifying that...he has no intention of letting the police find Jon until he does...whatever he wants him to do out there, and that much like with Leitner, he is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that, through murder or not, all obstacles in his machinations are removed and dealt with immediately. Daisy then threatens to take him back to the police station, saying that she's more than willing to suspect him as Jon's accomplice, which is...unsurprising given his lack of subtlety on the matter. She also calls him a "weird little freak" which-....you know what, all of her crimes against humanity are immediately forgiven just for that. Not only is it exactly what I've been thinking, but it made me audibly laugh. Like...she is so real for that. But after she threatens this, Elias responds with, you guessed it, EVEN MORE psychological jabs. He basically comments on...just how much she kind of sucks at being an upstanding and just police officer. He comments on how her superiors ignore her more than questionable behavior for the sake of saving face, how Basira's recent resignation is just enabling Daisy to be even more toxic, how she hasn't done any proper investigations, evidence collection, or official records of all her interviews, how she's neglected to look for any other suspects, how she shows a complete lack of interest in Sasha's fate, and how she's only going after Jon because it acts as an outlet for her violent tendencies, she already doesn't like him for whatever reason, and she can if she wants to. And like...yeah, sure, I recognize that he's only saying this in an attempt to make her insecure about her failings as a symbol of justice, and is also most definitely using all this information as potential blackmail lest her actions and behavior get revealed to her superiors and she loses her job....or worse, goes to prison, but like...none of what he's saying here is exactly wrong. Like, he might be a murderer, a psychopath, and worst of all a capitalist, but at least he can recognize when the cops are bullshit. Anyways, Daisy responds to Elias' epic callout post by threatening to beat the shit out of him, but Elias...he...oh dear. So...you know what, I'm just going to quote him directly. He says: "Very true. However, you aren't going to do that, detective. Because of Calvin Benchley." ...Oh no. So, as it turns out, Elias...knows something about Daisy's past, something that pertains to one of her many...not so great actions, and a particularly touchy one at that. In fact, he knows a lot of things. He knows...basically everything.

So yeah...Elias is unfortunately the most knowledgeable person ever. I mean...if this episode is anything to go off of. He has...all of the information he could ever desire, even if by all laws of common sense, he...really shouldn't have that information. It explains not only why he's able to taunt Daisy about her actions, behavior and past, but also why he knows where Jon is, and just...generally how he's such a conniving mastermind. Now, we already knew from The Librarian that he could basically see everything in the institute, unless there was some other paranormal interference like Leitner's use of "A Dissapearance", but uh...turns out that, no, his powers don't just stop there. He...actually just knows everything everywhere all at once. Now, if I'm being honest, I...really don't have that much to speculate about when it comes to Elias' powers, because...it honestly seems pretty concise. Like, he's a servant of The Eye, and because of that he gets the ability to see and know everything. That's...really about it. I mean, maybe there's some secret complexities I don't know about, and there's obviously the matter of...how he even got claimed by The Eye in the first place, but...those are matters I just don't have the resources to speculate on at the moment. Right now, I'm much more interested by...how these powers will be used in the story, as opposed to how they work in terms of the lore and worldbuilding. Like, what's he going to use them for? How much is he going to use them, and to what extent of power? Is there anything else that can stop him? In fact...what the hell did he do with Leitner's remaining books? Granted, this matter is also hard to speculate, since the plot of Season 3 is still in very early days, but...this episode does give us a pretty good idea of how he chooses to utilize these powers, although I'll get to that in a minute. There is, however...one extra concern I have regarding these powers. Basically...if Elias has these powers because he serves The Eye...what does that mean for Jon? I'm already pretty certain that, willingly or not, he'll become a fully fledged servant of The Eye if he isn't already, so...is he also going to get crazy knowledge powers? In my opinion...not necessarily. We've seen before that servants of the same being can have different abilities. For example, Jane and Amherst both serve The Flesh Hive, but one of them has their evil worm zombie hivemind thing, while the other has the ability to spread disease, resurrect themselves, and have a general resonance with all sorts of insects. Combine that with the fact that the title of Archivist insinuates Jon is...special in some way, and it's not guaranteed that he'll end up exactly like Elias. But then again...you have characters like Mike and Simon, who (outside of the former's connections to electricity)...basically have the exact same abilities from the looks of things. I mean, Mike's powers are...a little vague to be honest, so this might not age as the best example ever, but really, I just think it would be interesting if Jon got the same abilities as Elias...moresoe because I want to see how their responses to it differ. Like, Elias is abusing his power to his whole advantage, and is clearly having the time of his life while doing so. Meanwhile, Jon seems absolutely horrified by the implications of him being claimed by The Eye, so...I don't know, I get the sense that if he got Elias' abilities, his feelings about it would be a lot more...scared and depressed, which could make them act as pretty good parallels AND foils to one another.

Then again...it's worth noting that there have been many instances of people who get claimed by ✨the horrors✨ being terrified at first, before...gradually getting accustomed to it. Looking at Jane once again (she's basically my classic textbook example of these weirdos at this point), we can glean from her statement that she was...pretty mortified when she first heard the song of The Flesh Hive, but ultimately found a twisted yet loving home among the worms. So like...for all we know, Elias might have also been really freaked out when he was first claimed by The Eye, and by that logic...Jon could potentially come around after a while, making him similar to Elias beyond just their patron...and that is a horrific thought. But...it's also a fascinating one, I'm intrigued to see where Jon will go now that we have a better understanding of what being claimed by The Eye can actually do to someone. And mentioning that...let's get back on track, and go back to seeing Elias' abilities in action. So...Daisy is understandably shocked at the mention of someone from her past coming out of nowhere, and Elias continues to taunt her. He mocks her for the scar on her back, how it felt when she buried him, he even has the audacity to call her by her real name. He then makes himself perfectly clear. He's...oh god writing it down actually feels kind of sick. He...he tells her that he's going to make her statement for her, non-consensually, a statement about her past childhood trauma that she never gave to the institute herself, just...reading out her deepest darkest secrets as if she was giving them to him herself, demonstrating just how much dirt he has on her through nothing but his connection to The Eye. He then says that if she's smart, she'll drop the case. She'll leave the institute, give a basic cover-up story to her superiors, leave the murder behind, and stop looking for Jon. Once again, I don't even think he cares about getting caught himself, he just doesn't want his weird game with Jon to end prematurely!!! Like...what the fuck man?! All this for what? I'm genuinely asking! Uh...anyways, he then says that if for whatever reason she doesn't oblige...he'll tell her superiors everything. They'll know about not just her past, but every nasty little thing she's done. They'll be forced to face the music and confront the toxicity of their beloved detective, and then she'll have to face the consequences lest the LPD look even worse than they already do. Ok...putting aside the viscerally horrifying nature of all of this...I REALLY do love this whole idea from a writing perspective. I already said that I really like how this episode pairs up Daisy and Elias. Both of their characters act as critiques of the abuse of power often exhibited by cops and rich businessmen, so putting them together is really interesting...but it gets even more interesting when they're at each other's throats, and one is able to easily overpower the other. I...also find it interesting how we have...someone who I can only imagine as a rich white guy in a suit abusing power over a woman who pretty noticeably does not conform to gender roles. I...don't know if that was intentional on the writer's part, but...if so I think it could act as pretty interesting commentary. But I think my favorite part of this whole thing is...how it humanizes someone like Daisy.

Don't get me wrong, despite my jokey claim earlier I still think she is...not that great of a person. She has done some horrifically fucked up things, including within the backstory that is just about to be described. But like...right now, she is being faced with someone so much worse than her. And I mean...given what we learn about her childhood trauma, how it's shaped her into the person she is today, and also what we have to witness her go through in real time, being expertly performed by Fay Roberts in a genuinely crushing manner...yeah, it's really hard for me to not feel sorry for her. Just...my god, she's only really been around for two episodes, and they've already made such an interesting and nuanced character. Bravo. But uh., yeah...storytelling praises aside...THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HAUNTING. Just like...holy shit, Elias Bouchard is a massive sociopath. Like...how in the hell did he come up with a scheme as twisted as that? Just...using your eldritch all-seeing eye powers to leverage someone's childhood trauma against them as blackmail, all because they want to arrest your soaking wet trainwreck of an archivist? When you could've just said "lmao I don't know where he is", or if you really had to be conniving, just...send her to a decoy loaction or something? I just...ok man. Do your thing, whatever, I guess at least it makes things more interesting. But like...if this is just a fraction of what he's capable of dreaming up, I SHUDDER to think what the extent of his larger machinations even is, because...ugh. Well....anyways, despite both mine and Daisy's protests...Elias begins reading her statement. And...hearing him read out "Statement of Alice Tonner" without the "Daisy" in the middle...and saying "statement never given"...I just...fucking chills. ...You know how I said I wouldn't be upset if Elias started reading statements in Jon's place from here on out? Well...while I'm sure Ben would give a great performance...yeah, I think I'll retract that claim. Because like...given how this one was performed, I feel like every episode at the institute would be even more terrifying were that the case.

Ok, before I get into the actual plot of the statement, I just...need to talk about how it's presented, because like...it's genuinely phenomenal. Jonny, Alex, Ben, Fay, the editing team...all of them brought so much life into this. Starting off, I..completely forgot to mention this when I wrote about A Guest for Mr. Spider, but...we have new spooky background music now! Yeah, that doesn't pertain to this scene specifically, but...whatever, it's always nice to have and I thought I should shout it out. But as for what IS exclusive to this scene...man. The way it's written, and the way that Ben reads it out..it's just perfect. I think that the best way to describe it would be to like...imagine if it was any old statement, one being read by Jon or even Gertrude. If they were reading it, it would probably be...much longer and detailed, giving us a better idea of the scope of Daisy as a person. We'd get extra background information, there would be a more gradual build from the mundane to the horrific, The Archivist would try to emulate Daisy's energy a bit more, and...putting the potential lore implications of the theatre kid energy emulated by Jon aside for a second, they'd only be reading the statement because...it's their job, so they'd probably be much more willing to take their time and have a bit more fun with emulating the person who's statement they're reading. Oh, and of course, the statement would most likely have been given by Daisy out of her own will. But...that's not the reality we live in. Instead, Elias is a man on a mission, he is reading Daisy's own story directly in front of her against her own will, doing so in order to taunt, scare, traumatize and blackmail her for his own personal gain. He only delivers the freaky details of her past for the most part, reading the statement with utter haste and not a semblance of fun acting that doesn't come off as utterly sadistic. The only instances where he says anything that doesn't pertain to the stone-cold facts of what happened, are when he's making a taunt, saying something that Daisy would never say about herself, but...is ultimately true. He voices her own insecurities and trauma, pretending to actually be her all the while. He says things like "I like to be in control", "That's why it was my fault", "I felt a rush of fear, and strange sort of excitement", and even reveals one of her darkest secrets out loud...and it's just sick. It's all true, and Daisy knows it...but she's not ready to confront it. And it's all accompanied by eerie, encroaching background noise...and mortified intteruptions and hyperventilating from Daisy in the background. Just...wow. This is...one of the most viscerally mortifying scenes in all of tma. It's kind of perfect, honestly. This uh...this is going to be a really good season, isn't it? Just...knowing that Elias can do this kind of keeps me up at night. Like...what if he did this again, but with Jon's trauma. A Guest for Mr. Spider is already terrifying, so...oh god I don't even want to think about it. Why did I get cursed with the horror podcast autism and not the good at maths and science autism... Well, I've rambled enough about the amazing presentation, so...let's just dig into Daisy's past. It's...pretty short and concise to be honest given the way it's delivered, but...it's also really interesting, both in terms of the lore implications and how it develops her character. So uh...lets-a-go or something.

Ok. So, as Elias starts reading out "Daisy's statement", we're immediately given an answer to what has...basically been the biggest mystery surrounding her character, at least in my opinion. That is of course...why the hell do people call her "Daisy" instead of Alice. Apparently, it's due to a scar on her back that she got when she was younger, which the doctor said looked like a daisy. Even if it was a somewhat innacurate claim, since it apparently looks more like a starburst...the nickname stuck. So...yeah. It's not the craziest answer to the mystery ever, but...I like it! We'll get into how she got the scar soon enough, but for now, just know that I think it suits her really well, she herself says that despite it sounding kind of gentle on the surface (which to be honest I always thought was a kind of fun irony given her...less than gentle personality), its origins make her view the nickname as a symbol of strength that invokes courage. Well...did she say it herself? Ok look, I...should probably clear something up. Obviously...a lot of the stuff that Elias is saying here is stuff that Daisy would probably never say out loud, but....if he can know all of the details about her past like this, then chances are her mind isn't safe from his prying eyes either. I mean...we know that Daisy is the only person left alive who understands the nickname's origins, so...how else would he get that knowledge? Besides, I think the point here is that Elias is sort of....exposing all of the things Daisy doesn't like about herself, so...I'm just going to go on the assumption that everything said in this "statement" is stuff that she does actually think, and that it does accurately represent her emotions, even if she would never reveal or confront such things herself. Oh, and on the note of there apparently being "no one left" who knows about the scar aside from Daisy herself...that's certainly interesting. Really, the only people we can definitely say knew about it are Daisy's parents, the doctor who saw the scar, and most likely Calvin Benchley. We know how the last one died, but the others...hm. Granted, Daisy was at the very least in her 20s back in 2002, so...that places her at a rough minimum age of 44 or 45 in present day, so....if her parents and that doctor were on the older side when she was eleven, or this was even longer ago than I'm assuming, then maybe they did just die of old age, or there were health complications, or...basically it's far from unlikely that they died of rather natural causes. But I mean...her whole backstory does kind of revolve around violence and murder, so I'm just a teensy bit inclined to raise an eyebrow. Anyways, Elias then goes on to explain how Daisy got her scar. When she was eleven, Daisy was best friends with a boy named Calvin Benchley. They didn't hang out at school, because apparently all of Calvin's other friends were baby misogynists, but they would always play together after school in the nearby park. The park was small with a collapsed fence on either side, but beyond that fence...there was an old abandoned building site, but Calvin and uh..."Alice" at the time, were forbidden from going there due to the dangerous crowds that hung around the place. Honestly...even when you ignore all of the paranormal trauma, Daisy's childhood kind of sounds just...generally shitty. Like, the environment does not sound pleasant whatsoever, she was clearly bullied for misogynistic reasons, and her friendship with Calvin...while far from toxic, definitely gives off the vibe of something...more on the hostile side than others, especially given what happens next. Like...I don't know, the incident definitely affected Daisy heavily, but much like with Jon...I feel like she wouldn't be that far off from what she is today even if her trauma never happened, just....probably a lot more stable than she actually is. (Also, the parallels to A Guest for Mr. Spider are not lost on me, but...I'll talk about them a bit more later.)

Anyways, one afternoon Daisy dared Calvin to head to the building site, and he did. She heard some....crashes and violent noises coming from the site, and after fifteen minutes of silence she decided she should go and check on Calvin, not calling for any adults in fear of getting in trouble. And when she did...oh...yikes. She stumbled across the first two corpses she'd ever seen, seemingly having killed each other with broken glass. When she saw them, she...felt a strange rush of excitement at the sight of the blood, which is...fun. But on a nearby staircase...was Calvin, his eyes vacant as he stared at her. And behind him stood a grotesque figure, large, hunched and naked. Its body was covered head to toe in open red wounds that did not bleed, and Daisy watched as it mouthed out words that only Calvin could hear, flicking its long black tongue into his ear from a pointed mouth. Now, this figure initially kind of reminded me of The NotThem's true form for some reason, but...I strongly doubt that they're actually connected. In fact, I'm just going to cut to the chase, I definitely think that Daisy's backstory has to do with The Piper, which is...quite surprising honestly, but definitely makes sense for her. I mean, the whole thing is about murder and the nature of violent tendencies, if Melanie's second statement is anything to go off of then...blood and wounds are most definitely aspects of the thing, and the way that Calvin's vacant eyes are described is...almost identical to the war ghost that Melanie saw in the Rotherham Train Graveyard. I'll go into a bit more detail regarding what this presumed connection to The Piper might mean in a bit, but for now...uh...yeah, that's it. Anyways, it was as Daisy saw this figure that Calvin turned to her, running headfast before slamming her into the fence that seperated the building site from the park. The jagged metal of the fence pierced her skin in a burst of pain, resulting in the birth of her namesake scar, and the last thing she remembered before waking up in the hospital...was the look of bloodthirsty pride on Calvin's face. No one believed Daisy when she told them what happened, as they were all happy to just take Calvin's simple explanation of...her having tripped and fallen. That's...eerily similar to how the LPD is framed throughout, not just this episode, but other instances like Police Lights and the...mere existence of Section 31 as a faction. Just...ignoring the truth if that truth is too hard to bear. Still though...Calvin changed after that day. Everyone assumed he was just becoming a teenage shithead, but Daisy always knew something was up. But like, on that note, can I just say how much this backs up my point that Daisy's hometown seems kind of mental? Like....this kid quite literally murders or seriously injures six other kids before he leaves for University, and you chock it up to a "boys will be boys" mentality?! What the hell?! Maybe the reason why Daisy doesn't have an explicitly stated hometown is because doing so would be a GRAVE offense to some real life village in The UK. Also...the whole "boys will be boys" thing, combined with the misogyny she faced as a child, as well as that whole power imbalance thing between her and Elias I mentioned earlier...it all really does make me feel like this episode has some...pretty interesting subtext regarding gender. Huh. Anyways, Daisy continued to keep an eye on him even into adulthood, the scar on her back reminding her that he could never be trusted again. He always seemed to...feed on the unease and fear of others, but she could never make anything stick when it came to proving him guilty. He was briefly arrested as an adult, but...all childhood incidents were made into accidents, and all adulthood incidents had his victims proclaiming themselves the aggravators. Once again...if I were Daisy, I would really start to question the fact that she's working for an organization that is doing the exact same thing as everyone who ever doubted her. Like...girlie...get your character development.

Regardless, Daisy eventually realized that...she couldn't pin him down for anything. He would always find some clever or sneaky way to evade getting imprisoned...so she took matters into her own hands. Because...yep, Calvin Benchley ended up being the first human being she ever murdered. Yeah, the FIRST...christ. She knocked him unconscious as he was coming out of a bar, kidnapped him and drove him to....what I'm guessing are the woods where the police send her to burn the vampires, and shot him five times in the chest. ...He didn't even bother to beg for his life. No one asked questions. They just left it as a deserving fate for a rotten person, once again...doing whatever it takes to not cause any trouble. So...yeah. That's Daisy's big backstory. I understand that...when compared to A Guest for Mr. Spider, this is a much more rapid fire look at a character's past, but I do have my reasons. Not only did it only take up a small portion of the episode, being delivered quite hastily to boot, but...with A Guest for Mr. Spider, we were looking at the backstory of the protagonist who we had spent every episode up to that point with, and it also got nearly the entire episode to be explained. Here though...Daisy's only appeared in one other episode, small appearances in Basira's statements withstanding, so...I don't have quite as much to say or analyze as I did with Jon's backstory. But that being said...man, I REALLY did like this backstory. Even if we don't know Daisy as well as a lot of other characters...this did SUCH a good job at developing her further, and much like A Guest for Mr. Spider, it serves as a great explanation as to why she is the way she is. Both of these episodes have actually made me rethink how I approach writing character backstories, hell, tma as a whole has made me rethink a ton of creative writing strategies, so...yeah, it's pretty great. I'm honestly amazed by how good this podcast is at making characters super compelling in such a short time frame, especially with as large of a cast as it has. In fact, if I'm being honest...while I definitely personally resonate with the themes in A Guest for Mr. Spider a lot more, and therefore ultimately prefer them...I think this one might have slightly more rare and interesting themes to me. I mean...maybe, I'm still rather fresh off of listening to this one, but...either way it's really good. To me, Daisy's past and...really a lot of her character as a whole, can be taken as a really interesting interpretation of the idea of perpetuating a negative cycle. Rather than gain an inherent distaste for all of the bullshit she had to deal with in her youth, Daisy seems to have become...accustomed to it more than anything. Because...a lot of the negative things that were forced upon her in the past are now things that she's enforcing upon others. Whether that be because she views it as the norm, or because she's seeking some kind of equality or justice between herself and the people who've wronged her...I can't really say. Honestly, I'd really like to hear these events from her mouth one day, rather than that of an evil eye monster sociopath, because...while I do think Elias' words do reflect parts of Daisy's feelings on the matter...I also think he's only highlighting the negative aspects of her psyche, because...that's the goal. He's using his knowledge of her past as blackmail, so bringing attention to the more sympathetic aspects of her past would...kind of just defeat the purpose.

The point is though, no matter what her motivations might be...Daisy is allowing a negative cycle to continue. She was a victim of violence, murder and bullying, both in her relationship with Calvin and during...general life in her pretty shitty-looking hometown. Because of that, she has very little issue with being cruel, committing acts of violence, and killing others in cold blood. Throughout her entire life....she's dealt with people who ignore the truth for the sake of not having to think about negative things, with both everyone in her hometown and random civilians hurt by Calvin choosing to turn a blind eye to his terrible crimes. And because of that...she's now working for an organization who enforces that exact same mindset. The LPD puts anyone who sees too much into Section 31 in order to keep their mouths shut, they covered up the death of Leo Altmann because...I don't know, I guess this universe has the cops' escapades being broadcasted to six-year olds who couldn't handle the spooky darkness murdering someone, and they are actively enabling Daisy to do terrible things if it means that they can just deal with cases as quickly as possible, no matter how many people they hurt along the way. And even if she isn't the one directly enforcing this corrupt system....she most certainly isn't the one who's trying to stop it, if anything that title should probably go to Basira. But...I like that they show us that, while these traits of Daisy's are toxic and should definitely stop, they aren't just born of pure evil. They most certainly come from a real place of trauma. Honestly, like...I'm not even halfway done, and tma might have the most nuanced and well thought out depiction of law enforcement I've ever seen in anything. It can sometimes feel like most media either leans towards worshiping cops like saints, or....EXTREME ACAB mentalities with very little in between. If I had to choose between the two, I would most certainly go for the latter...but I'm very happy with how tma is handling it. It's calling out the many systematic flaws with law enforcement and is not afraid to paint them in a negative light. Hell, despite everything that happens to her in this episode, I think that provided she returns at all, Daisy will...probably play the role of an antagonist, or at least an anti-hero going forward, given what she represents. But despite all of the criticism...they still have the moral decency to recognize that these officers, while often heavily flawed and questionable...are still people at the end of the day. It thankfully doesn't use this as an excuse to completely forgive them, but it does use it to explain their actions, to make it clear that they aren't evil murder robots bereft of all dimensions. And...that honestly takes a lot more work than some people might think. Anyways, point is, I really really like Daisy's backstory, I think it expands her character in amazing ways and has some really great themes, but...what about the lore implications?

Well...there's a decent amount of interesting tidbits here. Not a ton that I find incredibly significant, but...still noteworthy. So, as I already said, I think Daisy and Calvin's encounter with the paranormal was likely due to The Piper's manifestations. I'm not going to go over why a second time, but I do want to talk about the intriguing aspects of its inclusion. So, it definitely seems like a manifestation of The Piper was haunting the old building site, hence why everyone there seemed to be filled with that ever iconic bloodlust. Now, I don't know how important this old building site or the lanky creature within are going to be, I'll take note of them, but...I think the main intrigue here comes from how this episode made me notice a couple of recurring patterns when it comes to The Piper. Firstly, out of all of ✨the horrors✨, it definitely seems to have the strongest affinity for haunting places, or at least...haunting places that aren't necessarily designed for it. I'm talking CMH, the Rotherham Train Graveyard, arguably that music venue in Soho,....maybe the field hospital Amherst was at, and now this. It also has a...pretty strong affinity for spectre like figures the more I think about it. There's The Piper itself (keep in mind that I'm just using "The Piper" as a placeholder name for whatever this war and bloodlust associated being is actually called, along with the actual three-faced figure), the ghost on the train, the...presumed ghosts in Amritsar, the ghosts that showed up at the Grifter's Bone concert, and then you have Melanie, a character who is implied to have been deeply touched by The Piper, and who used to run a show called "Ghost Hunt UK." So...yeah, The Piper has some pretty notable connections to more traditional examples of ghosts and hauntings. It's not the only being with these themes, for example, The End seems to have a particular affinity for ghosts given Mary's skin book, and like Leitner said, it's less about what ✨the horrors✨ manifest as, but what the more...metaphorical meaning behind their manifestation is. So like...if you want to determine whether a ghost comes from The Piper or The End, I guess you should...think about whether it represents the casualties of war or death and mortality? I don't know...I think that's what they represent? Anyways, they're interesting recurring motifs, and...given my logic for Melanie's connections to ghosts, I really have to wonder if I should be more suspicious of Georgie and her "What The Ghost?" podcast...hm. Anyways, uh...I definitely think that given his behavior, Calvin was most likely claimed by The Piper and became its servant. Like I said, he had that same dead look in his eyes as the train ghost that Melanie saw, and I mean...a servant of the god of bloodshed would probably do a lot of murder, so that checks out. There are some...interesting little quirks when it comes to how exactly he functions though. Like, how he was able to evade repercussions...relatively easily for the most part. Like, I'm sure there's pretty reasonable, non-paranormal explanations for it, the people in Daisy's hometown clearly wanted to turn a blind eye, and it seems likely that his later victims lied out of fear, but...I don't know, a more paranormal explanation would be pretty cool. I also find it interesting how Daisy (technically Elias but you get what I mean) mentions that Calvin...fed off the fear of his classmates. Like...I have to wonder if that actually goes for all servants of ✨the horrors✨. I've already made connections between ✨the horrors✨ and different types of fear before, even if they aren't literally fear incarnate I'm pretty sure they're supposed to represent it, so...maybe this line could imply that servants, or even ✨the horrors✨ as a whole feed on fear, and that's why they cause all this paranormal shit to happen? Like...specifically to scare people?

Because truth be told...none of these bozos have clear motivations beyond scaring people for shits and giggles. And sure, that's mostly a consequence of us not having met the majority of them in person, but like...look at the ones we have. Elias has only just been confirmed to be a servant of The Eye, so his motivations are pretty vague, Michael is...Michael, so he's just inherently vague by nature (and also it's kind of hard to tell whether he's the same as most other servants given all of the stuff Leitner said about "The Distortion"), and then you have Jane and The NotThem. Both of them were motivated by a desire to attack the institute, and that desire seemingly stems from a further desire to stay unknown. But like...why would they want to stay unknown? Well, that's simple. The fear of the unknown is a pretty powerful thing, so maybe The Eye's ability to know things is like...making it harder for ✨the horrors✨ to find fear to feed on? This could also explain why it seems like the only people who seem t survive encounters with✨the horrors✨ are the ones who just...don't give a fuck, like Joshua Gillespie or Karolina Górka. Like...they're not providing any fear, so what's the point in scaring them. I don't know, I'm pretty sure there's much more to it, and I'd honestly be pretty disappointed if every servant was just motivated by a desire to strike fear into others and nothing else, but...I think there's a decent likelihood that the desire for fear could be a common trait among all of ✨the horrors✨, because...Daisy's comments about Calvin just felt a bit to familiar. And finally...I'd like to talk about how this experience affected Daisy...on a more paranormal level, beyond just the trauma. And...I think the best way to do this is to finally look at how her backstory parallels Jon's. Now, let me be clear, I'm not going to say that Jon and Daisy...as whole entire characters are parallels to each other. Provided Daisy comes back after this episode, there's definitely room for that to happen, but right now...their dynamic doesn't really go beyond Jon finding her scary, and Daisy thinking he's a killer simply out of a general disliking for him. We just...haven't seen these two interact enough for me to make a claim that big. That being said...I do not think it is a coincidence that this episode came right after A Guest for Mr. Spider, because like...come on. Both of them have had childhoods that are...pretty shit right out the gate from the looks of things, but also went through deeply traumatic incidents that involved them witnessing something extremely paranormal, someone they knew arguably going through it even worse than they did, and ever since they have lived with tremendous guilt as they think about how they could've stopped those people from dying or becoming corrupted, they've never told anyone about what happened due to the feeling that no one will believe them, and both incidents have heavily influenced the person they are today in many different ways. Like...they're very different backstories overall, but there's way too many similarities for me to think that the stories don't parallel each other. Once again, their backstories parallel each other, but not necessarily the characters as a whole. So with all of that in mind...I think it's pretty safe to say that Daisy was touched by The Piper as a child, much like Jon. And no, I don't think she was claimed, not just because it would make more sense for her to be touched given how...you know, Jon was touched but not claimed by The Spider, not only because she didn't go through the same thing as Calvin with the wounded figure, but also because...her behavior doesn't really line up with someone who's been claimed.

Firstly, as I mentioned earlier, Daisy is at least 44 years old, and this incident took place when she was eleven. I feel like if she was claimed by The Piper...she would've probably figured that out by now, and would be actively serving it, and...I really don't have any reason to believe that she's been claimed by anything at this point. But secondly...her levels of behavior when it comes to...potentially being influenced by one of ✨the horrors✨ match up...pretty nicely with Jon. If we disregard his connection to The Eye for a bit, we can see that...while a lot of Jon's behavior does make sense when you consider his general personality and outlook on life, as well as how his past trauma shaped him in a non-paranormal way, it's...just off enough to make me thing that he's at least a little bit influenced by The Spider in some places. I'm not going to go into why, since I already did so for A Guest for Mr. Spider, but...yeah, I think the same goes for Daisy! Like, her violent tendencies make sense when you look at her outside of a paranormal perspective. Like I said, she grew up in a pretty violent, cruel and uncomfortable environment, she was the only one who bore witness to Calvin's actions with no one around to back her up, so it makes sense for her to become accustomed to pretty bloody behavior. But like....that bloodlust is just off enough for me to think that something's up. She's just...a bit too quick to jump to a violent solution in most scenarios, a bit too antagonistic, and the. you have weird things like the emotions she felt when she came across her first two corpses, and...yeah, something's up with her. Ultimately, I...don't really think I need to argue that she was touched. Like, yeah, she encountered one of ✨the horrors✨, obviously she was. But I do think it could be easy to misconstrue her as being claimed given her personality...which I doubt is the case, so...I'm just clearing that up. Now, what do I think her being touched by The Piper means for the greater story and her character? ...To be honest I have no goddamn clue. You see...with Jon, the reveal that he was touched by The Spider came with a whole mess of implications for me, but with Daisy...it better explains her behavior, but...I can't really tell what it'll ultimately amount to, if at all. It's just due to a...general lack of information, really. Like I've been saying, she's been in two episodes while Jon's been in eighty-one, so...I can't speculate as much. What also doesn't help is that compared to The Spider, which has been in a good number of episodes and has a lot of intriguing little plot threads strewn about (pun very much intended)...The Piper remains one of the most obscure members of ✨the horrors✨, and I don't have much of a clue as to what its relevance in the greater narrative will be. My best guess is that, given what it seems to represent, it'll have a pretty big role to play in the "struggle" mentioned by Michael, and...provided that she hasn't already been brutally murdered by ghosts, I think it'll be pretty relevant to Melanie's character, given how she's...basically the only reccuring thing outside of Daisy herself that has a connection to The Piper, but overall...I don't have much I can say. All I can say is that...if she comes back, I think it'll be important. I...do also wonder if her scar might connect to her being touched...maybe gaining that scar was what forged that connection? That could be kind of cool. Also, I forgot to mention this, but daisies are often seen as the flower of innocence and purity, so...maybe the scar is meant to represent how she lost what innocence she had left during that incident? Or maybe it's like...the last fragment of innocence she has left, given how it seems to comfort her? I'd also really like to see her interact with Melanie if they get the chance, given well...you know...shared marks from the looks of it. I...really don't know, but it's all very intriguing.

Well...that about wraps it up for everything regarding Daisy's past. Overall, I really liked the story, I think it had fantastic themes, some neat implications, and overall did wonders for fleshing out her character. But...getting back to the plot, after reading out all of her trauma straight in front of her, leaving her mortified even further, Elias makes his final proclamation. She says that if she takes any action against him or the institute, she will let her superiors know about her crimes, and will make sure that they can't cover it up. What's interesting is that...he doesn't actually tell her to stop pursuing Jon. He obviously doesn't reveal his location to her, but...he advises that if she chooses to seek him out, she should kill him quickly. Not only does that make me wonder...what the hell Jon might secretly be capable of, provided Elias isn't lying, bluffing or...building up the "killer Jon" shtick, but I think it also shows...just how confident this fucker is. Like, he clearly needs Jon alive for something, but is willing to take the risk of letting him out into the world where god-knows-what is out to kill him, and he isn't protected by the institute's power...because he knows. He knows that he's going to win. He knows...everything. I. HATE. That he KNOWS EVERYTHING!!! It's just...he is the last person who should have that power, which...honestly speaks for a lot of real-world people of his societal status. But with that...Daisy admits defeat. She gives one last threat towards Elias...and leaves. I'm...honestly not sure if we'll ever see her again. I mean, I think we will, this episode definitely shows that the team is willing to do some really interesting stuff with her, and I think it would be a waste to not push her character further. Plus...I feel like if given the chance, she'll still go looking for Jon, not even for her job but just out of...anger at this point. And she'll...probably try to kill him as well, so...yay! I...please don't fight you guys. Even though one of you is objectively more corrupt than the other I love you both so much. Just. Please. No. But uh...even with all that said...I don't know. It's entirely possible that she runs and never looks back, because, I mean...it would certainly be a good display of Elias' power, that's for sure. ...sigh. Well, after she leaves and Elias gives one last snide remark, we're left with a short recording of an argument between Martin and Tim. We learn that they saw Daisy rush out with a mortified expression on her face, but while Martin thinks something is up, Tim, who is...once again, clearly just...so, so tired at this point, brushes it off as her hating the place like most. We also see how while Martin is still holding out hope that Sasha's alive, Tim is almost entirely convinced that Jon killed her, much to the former's frustration. What's interesting to me is that Tim is the one to say that if she's not dead, then she must have been the thing they saw (referring to The NotThem), and Martin actually denies this. This is peculiar because...back in Hide and Seek, they had the exact opposite opinions, so...it's intriguing to see this change. Maybe Tim's tired attitude has gotten just that bad, maybe Martin is doing whatever he can to hold out hope for the best case scenario...but it's most likely both.

Tim goes on to throw out all possibilities of what the thing was, including the idea that "maybe she was always some messed up mutant and we just never noticed", which is...unfortunately not that far off. He also refers to Michael here and says that "it basically told us it was working with Jon", which is...huh? Uh...what exactly does he mean by that? Like...when he says "it" the second time, is he referring to Michael or The NotThem? Because...unless they saw the former in the backrooms off tape, I don't think either of them insinuated they were working with Jon. Sure, Michael doesn't seem to be directly out to kill him like most other servants or aspects of ✨the horrors✨, but...he most certainly isn't against his death in general, and I would much sooner call him Jon's enemy than his ally. So...I really don't get what Tim means by this, maybe it'll be elaborated on further at one point but for now...I'm confused. Or maybe he's also confused and is just throwing shit at the wall until something sticks, I don't know. Regardless, he ultimately decides to leave the room and go lie down, accepting that the institute is just a place where bad shit happens and people die in utter defeat. Martin tries to go after him, saying that they need to talk about things (which I STRONGLY agree with)...but before he can give chase, he's...surprised to see a recorder running. Oh...that bitch turned itself on, didn't it? Oh me oh my. ...Hello Magnus Archives Season 3.

So uh...that's it for The Eyewitnesses. ...Can I just say how much I love that episode title? Tma always has great ones that do a fantastic job of sticking with you, but I find this one particularly cool. Like, it has the obvious inclusion of "The Eye", but also references every major character in the episode. Martin and Tim as the people who discovered Leitner's body, Daisy as the witness to Calvin's crimes, and Elias as the witness to Daisy's crimes, even if not directly. But overall...damn, what a phenomenal episode. Not gonna lie, it was pretty polarizing to me at first, simply because it's just...super different from what I'm used to with this podcast, and that initial shock honestly made it take a really long time to figure out how I was going to write about it (so uh...if you're wondering why this one also took a while, lo and behold), but...after finally getting my thoughts down and into text...yeah, I think this one's pretty damn amazing. While tma has always had fantastic characterization, especially in regards to how memorable characters that only show up once and/or don't show up in person are portrayed...this is the first glaring instance I can think of where an episode excels in the characterization over the story. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that tma usually prioritizes its narrative, it usually pays off and is ultimately of very little consequence to the character development, and I do love the story of Daisy's past in this episode, but...man, those characters just hit different. Ok well, Martin admittedly didn't do much, but like...how can I be mad at him, I'm just happy he's here. But as for everyone else...damn! This episode allowed me to make major strides in sorting out my current opinion on Tim, it made Daisy even more interesting and...honestly created one of the most unique and nuanced characters so far in such a short time frame with her...and then we have Elias. Oh my god, Elias Bouchard. I am...genuinely stunned by what they accomplished with him here. In roughly half an episode, hell, a pretty short one by tma standards, they gave him like...at least 50 times more development and endearing qualities as a villain than the first two seasons combined. Before this I was...intrigued by him, for sure, but didn't really care for him too much, or have the same level of brainrot for him as I did the rest of the major characters, and even a decent amount of the minor ones. But now...I mean...my god. He's just...immediately shot up to my favorites within a matter of minutes. He's even more mystifying than ever, but also has a great presence and performance, such an interesting psyche, and despite being the most outwardly normal...I'd dare to say that he's actually the scariest out of the four major antagonists we've had so far, at least to me. I...DESPERATELY need him to stop spending his time smoking weed off-tape now, because...he is just way too compelling of a character for them to keep in the background. I NEED to hear what he's like high, PLEASE. But outside of all of the brilliant character work, this episode was just generally a terrifying treat of an experience, and I'm happy to say that...it finally feels like Season 3 has been properly established. ...I know it's been like two episodes but given how long these take to write it's been like a few weeks for me lmao. Sure, I definitely think that some...general patterns need to be set up, like, I still have no clue as to how the episodes with Jon are going to function, but...we at least have the status quos of the two main story arcs set up now, which is good. And hopefully that also means that I can finally break out of these last six episodes of info-dump, and just...finally get something more standard. Like...I've loved these past few episodes a lot, but...please just let me rest a bit. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

Supplemental: Ok...I have admittedly garnered quite a few thoughts ever since I finished writing for A Guest for Mr. Spider, but...I did say that I would briefly talk about the Season 3 trailer when I felt the time was right, so...I'm going to save all of those miscellaneous thoughts for the MAG 83 supplemental, and talk about that for now. So...oh boy. The trailer takes place shortly before Daisy's interview with Martin, and...truth be told, her interactions with Elias here don't give us anything that isn't elaborated on further in The Eyewitnesses. However...there is one thing that stand out. Daisy hears a strange melody playing from across the institute's halls, which fades after a while. And looking at the transcript...we can tell it's calliope music. Oh no no no no no no no. So...as I'm sure we're all aware, the calliope organ belonged to The Other Circus...who are in service of The Stranger, and therefore...most likely going to participate in whatever "The Unknowing" is. What's interesting though is that this music likely isn't just being done for dramatic effect, because according to Jon....Nikolai Denikin's calliope is actually located in artifact storage. So...that means that someone was actually playing it. And since it would make no sense for it to be an institute employee or...anyone who's normal, at least given the knowledge we have at the moment...then that means it's likely an agent of The Stranger has found their way inside. It could be Breekon & Hope, who we've already seen get inside. It could be some unknown member of The Other Circus, or worst case scenario an escaped NotThem, but..this tells us that The Stranger, or at least someone working with them...has access to the institute. And...given how I suspect The Unknowing to be a direct attack on the place that's primarily orchestrated by The Stranger...yeah, that's uh...that's a good omen. ...You know, I say that with sarcasm, but honestly, like...who's really evil at this point? Everyone? ...Yeah that checks out honestly, the whole situation sucks major balls. Well um...I can't think of a clever way to end this, so....byeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

- Episode 83, Drawing a Blank 🎨

Statement of Chloe Ashburt, regarding a new window display at Fanton’s department store in Hammersmith.

OH THANK GOD FINALLY SOMETHING NORMAL!!! ...Well, er...normal by the standards of this podcast at least. Look, the past...six or so episodes have been an absolute blast from top to bottom, some of the best in the series alongside my absolute favorite...but when you have to spend time writing down as many of your thoughts on them as possible...yeah, something more standard is a godsent. So uh...yeah! We finally have our first, good ol' spooky... kind of anthological statement of Season 3. Now, the status quo feels a lot more properly set, which is nice, I feel like I'm finally starting to get a better sense of...what this season is like. As for the statement itself, it's...good. To be honest, it's far from the most innovative or crazy thing that tma has ever done for me, like...it's a fairly standard horror story, all things considered. But....this is honestly the perfect time to throw in something a bit more down-to-earth, so I am absolutely not complaining. And despite that, it's still a very well written story that was constantly interesting, brilliantly paced, had some pretty unnerving imagery, and some decently interesting little connections that seem...particularly relevant to the overarching narrative of Season 3, which is interesting considering how...standard the episode is at large, but very welcome nonetheless. So uh...yeah, I like this episode! The finale of Season 2 and premiere of Season 3 were brilliant, but...it's nice to have something a bit more familiar. I really don't have much more to add, so...spooky mannequin statement!

So...one of the most surprising and interesting aspects of this episode is...kind of the fact that it exists in the way it does...at all. Like, the general framing device for the episode genuinely surprised me. Let me explain. So, after The Eyewitnesses, we've come back to seeing things from Jon's perspective as he hides away with Georgie. Already, this makes me guess that the season will be going under a format where...every odd episode follows Jon, and every even one follows the institute, which I like the idea of! It's more than enough spotlight on the archival assistants, while not forsaking Jon's presence in the story, so...yeah, if I'm right and that's what they're going for, I think it'll be pretty effective as a way to shake things up a bit...but not TOO much. But the fact that we're getting another episode with Jon isn't the thing that stands out to me, rather it's...what he's doing in the episode. If you recall, I assumed that because he wasn't in the institute anymore, all episodes with Jon that occured after A Guest for Mr. Spider, or at least...until he returns to the institute if Elias is to be believed, which...I think he unfortunately is given his abilities and nature, would be...different. Like, even with her podcast in mind, it's unlikely that Georgie has a bunch of statements lying around, so the question is...what does Jon even do from here on out? Well, this episode seemingly answers that question, at least I assume, and it's quite surprising. Because as it turns out...our guy is still reading and researching statements. Now, I don't have a problem with this at all. While it would've been kind of cool for Season 3 to just have...a completely different format for Jon's episodes, not doing so saves me the trouble of having to adjust to something new, and I mean...hey, the statements are still fantastic, they're what make up the majority of the story, so at the end of the day...the more the merrier, I guess. But it obviously brings up a lot of questions. In terms of storytelling...well, there's still the matter of how episodes back at the institute are going to function. I won't speculate TOO hard about it, since chances are we're going to get answers in the very next episode, or at least not too long from now, but...will they also be statements read by someone "filling in" for Jon like I initially assumed, or...will THOSE episodes be the ones that take on a completely different format? I...guess I'll just have to wait and see. But in terms of the actual plot, the big question is...why does Jon even have this statement lying around in the first place? Well, the information we have is scattered around both pre and post statement, but I'll do my best to summarize it. So...as it turns out, this statement just...showed up in Georgie's post box four days ago, with no clear sender, but clearly delivered by hand due to the lack of a return address and a postmark. So one must wonder, who sent it, and why? Well...figuring out who sent it isn't all that difficult. Because, yeah, I'm like 98% certain that it was Elias. Perhaps it's a red herring, but...I don't know, this feels like one of those situations where the audience knows what the characters don't, like a tamer instance of Not!Sasha. Because, come on. It's been well established that he knows exactly where Jon is hiding, which lines up perfectly with an anonymous sender delivering a statement clearly for him to Georgie's address, and I mean....he's just genuinely creepy like that! He clearly has some sort of big master plan that Jon is supposed to play a part in, he most likely knows the true meaning behind Jon's job title (which is mostly reading statements!!!), like...do I really need to explain any further?

As for why though...well, I already kind of implied that I think this connects to Elias' big plan and the role of The Archivist, but...both of those are WAY too mysterious and vague at the moment for me to make a tangible theory out of. However...this statement specifically pertains to The Stranger, which Jon says himself, and therefore it...probably has something to do with The Unknowing, which is being built up as a MAJOR threat right now. And while Elias seems uncannily confident in the institute's ability to stop this thing...that doesn't mean he doesn't want to stop it at all. So in my opinion, Elias sent this statement to Jon not only because of all of the...weird Eye and Archivist stuff, but also because it's really relevant at the moment. And assuming that he's going to keep on sending these things going forward...then I think this theme of relevance will continue. If I'm right, then all of the statements that Jon reads will likely pertain to The Stranger, The Unknowing, or really...anything that we should just start seriously worrying about soon, and if it turns out that the institute episodes will also be statements, then...I guess they'll be a bit more like what we're used to, they might focus on stuff that isn't imminently important, or just be classic one-offs. If I'm right....then I kind of like that! We won't be entirely sacrificing the charm of characters or concepts returning within statements when you least expect them to, but things could end up feeling a bit more focused if Jon's episodes end up as what I think they will. So uh...I guess we're doing statements for Jon again, there's some interesting stuff surrounding Elias and The Stranger there, and...yeah. Anyways, I should start talking about the actual chronological events of the episode now. It opens up with Jon and Georgie discussing the strange statement that just arrived in the mail a few days ago. Jon exhibits this...strange compulsion to read the statement, saying that it's simply his job, it's...what he does. This understandably confuses Georgie, because as far as she's concerned, he got fired so terribly that it caused him to lose everything, hence why he's staying with her. Heh...get fired from The Magnus Institute. Imagine. But...Jon just brushes it off as "being complicated." Sigh....you'd better keep good on your word and start getting help mister, especially with how generously willing Georgie seems to be to give it. I...want to quickly examine his weird insistence on reading and recording the statement though. On one hand, I think it makes sense. Even when you ignore the connections to The Stranger, Jon has gotten invested in...everything that's been happening, and understandably so. Sure, many a time there's been a lesson that it's better to just...back away and ignore things if you want to survive ✨the horrors✨, but...Jon straight up says that he's in too deep to back out now, and I unfortunately can not argue with that. So like yeah...if I were him, I would also probably want to research this, and the recording bit also ties into his desire to not be forgotten. Which...now that I think about it is one of many very unnerving parallels to Leitner, but...let's save that discussion for another time, shall we? But uh...the point I'm trying to make is that...while it makes sense for Jon to act the way he is here, it's obviously not that simple.

In fact, that feels like kind of a running theme in this season so far. Examples of characters doing things that make sense when you look at them through a regular and human lens, but...definitely seem to be at least somewhat influenced by weirder forces when you think about it. Stuff like Daisy's violence likely being partially influenced by The Piper, the many instances of Jon potentially being manipulated a little bit by The Spider, and now...this. I'm pretty sure that despite his genuine desires, Jon's insistence on reading and recording this statement is being influenced by The Eye. I mean...it just adds up. Jon's job as The Archivist, while still very mysterious, is almost certainly connected to his additional status as a supposed servant of The Eye. Reading and recording statements, when you whittle it down, is just a method of gaining and storing knowledge, and...that definitely seems in line with what The Eye is supposed to represent. Hell, before we even had confirmation of The Eye ruling the institute, I already suspected that by doing their jobs, the archival team was unknowingly (that's a weird word to use in this discussion given its meaning in tma but you get what I mean) doing The Eye's bidding, so...yeah, all in all, I think that Jon's weird desire to read and record the statement in the exact same manner that he did back at the institute is being influenced by The Eye. I...also do have to wonder if The Spider is also involved. After all, what Jon's experiencing here is...a compulsion, a desire, a want to do something even though he doesn't understand why he wants to. And...The Spider is all about control and manipulation, and I've already suspected that Jon has been influenced by it ever since his childhood trauma, and that The Spider and The Eye are relatively close, so...yeah, I could see it being involved as well. All of this might also explain...why Jon never tried to quit his job until push came to shove, because prior to Tim's downward spiral in Season 2...I'd argue that he seemed to hate his job the most, so...maybe this desire for statements explains why he kept on doing his job despite his personal feelings on it. So...yeah, overall, this is a really weird trait he's exhibiting, and I really hope some further light gets shined on it going forward, because...it feels like it could be our first major clue as to what it even means to be The Archivist, and...an even more prevalent example of how you can't really quit your job at the institute, now that I think about it. ...You know, the more I think about it, the more excited I am to learn about how this whole thing affected Gertrude. Like, reason dictates that she was also a servant of The Eye, but like...how did she experience it? Did she ever learn what the true meaning of her job was? Was she a servant by choice? Or...given how she was so close to succcessfully destroying the archives if not for Elias, did she somehow break free? Oh, and mentioning Elias...I still can't shake the feeling that something's off with his murder of her. Like, I don't doubt that he killed her, but...there has to be more to it than him just shooting her because she tried to destroy the archives, right? Especially with how cosmically terrifying her corpse was in Antonio Blake's dreams...there has to be...SOMETHING more to it. I don't know what but...I get the feeling that Leitner didn't give us all the details. Sorry, sorry, I'm getting off track.

Going back to the present, Georgie continues to be suspicious and...pretty worried of Jon's condition, but he keeps on trying to make things seem tamer than they actually are. On one hand it's very unfortunate to see him act that way, but on the other, hearing Jonathan Archivist Sims angrily defend his ability to do drugs like he's the nerd in front of the cool kids in some cliché high school movie did leave me choking. Georgie shows herself to be rather perceptive, realizing that Jon often gets obsessive over things, and highly suspecting that he got dragged into something that went horribly wrong...to which he doesn't even bother to deny. First of all, her calling him out on his obsessiveness...radiates SO much ex energy that it's not even funny. Like, I'll be more surprised if it turns out they DIDN'T date at this point. ...God I hope they don't go down the route of getting them back together. I mean, I like their dynamic, for all I know it could work, but...justice for Martin please? Because let's be honest, his incessantly horrendous gay crush seems to be the only thing keeping him hopeful for the future at the moment. But uh...secondly, I think this....general ability to tell what's up with Jon that Georgie shows here...makes me think that with her around, Jon's not going to be able to keep the "looking for a new job" charade up for much longer. You know...I initially kind of shitted on Jon for potentially dragging Georgie into his mess, and while I still stand by a few claims here and there...the more I think about it, she might be the EXACT person he needs in his life right now. Because like...he's realized that he needs to start getting help from others, but so far...hasn't really exhibited an ability to do so. Of course it's still early days for the season, and therefore his current arc, but my point is...Georgie is the best person to have around in order to get him to rely on others for once. I think he'll have to come clean sooner rather than later given her perceptiveness and skepticism, and if, or...honestly more like when that does happen...it could be a big step for his relationships with others. After that, it's just up to Georgie to be understanding and accepting of his situation, which...I understand is a VERY tall order given how insane the plot is, but...I'll have faith in her until proven otherwise. I mean, she almost certainly has...some level of familiarity with spooky shit, provided "What the Ghost?" isn't a load of bull, so...she might be more readily prepared for this sort of thing than I'm currently giving her credit for. Also, this is completely unrelated, but I love how Jon has come from shitting on Melanie for her "unprofessionalism" to having his only friend at the moment be a woman who runs a ghost story podcast. That is absolute peak character development. ...Every day we don't hear about Melanie I get more and more worried for her. ...Christ I have gone on a tangent, I TOLD MYSELF THIS ONE WASN'T GOING TO BE TOO LONG DAMMIT!!!

...Anyways, Georgie goes on to tell Jon that his insistance on reading the statement...isn't right. Obviously she doesn't realize the greater implications of this desire, but...she's smart enough to pick up on the fact that something's up. As funny as the "I could be on drugs" bit was...I actually think it's kind of telling the more I think about it, because it feels like Georgie is equating this whole thing to a drug addiction of sorts. She tells him that it's not helping, that it's "part of the problem", recognizes that it has to do with...what she assumes to be some sort of cult indoctrination, which is unfortunately not that far off from the truth, and realizes how badly it's affecting Jon. ...Apparently he's spent the last four days obsessing over it with little to no sleep, which is...a bit too familiar to his darkest hours of Season 2 for me. Please, I just...I need him to grow, he might be fictional but...after A Guest for Mr. Spider, I'm care about his wellbeing more than ever. That's...actually something I forgot to mention earlier. In the previous two seasons, while I always liked Jon...it took me a while for me to be genuinely empathetic towards him. He was always a very endearing little scamp, but...outside of certain instances, usually in the later parts of the seasons, I...spent a lot of time internally screaming at him, not to the point of me ever disliking his character, but...still. I definitely grew more concerned for him in Season 2, but a lot of the time it was in less of a "poor baby :(" way and more of a "get your shit together" way. Basically, what I'm saying is that up until A Guest for Mr. Spider, my love of Jon's character was, outside of a few instances here and there...not ironic, but more...born out of a desire to toss him around like pināta than a genuine care and understanding for him as a person. But now...I don't know, I really resonate with him, and my love for him is an honest and earnest one. Like, while I realize that he's fictional and do not value him as much as I do the real people that I actually know...I care about him in a very similar way. Uh...regardless, going back to what Georgie's saying...she's pretty right. Obviously she doesn't have the full picture, and while I can't exactly blame her for thinking this way...it is admittedly unreasonable to expect Jon to just...stop. Once again, it makes perfect sense for her to think this way, she almost certainly doesn't know why he feels he has to read and record this thing, hell, I don't even think Jon knows himself, but...there's likely a lot more to it than him not being able to break away from what he's used to. Oh, and I have to agree with her on how unnerving it is that Elia- I mean ✨the ever mysterious sender✨ knows her address. That is...a very bad sign.

Ok, with all of that out of the way...we can FINALLY get to the actual statement. I'm...pretty sure this'll be the most in detail part of this section. Just...keep in mind that going forward, I'll be talking more and more about the characters alongside all of the plot and lore, because...I'm getting PROPERLY invested in them now. Like, I've always really liked tma's cast, but...it's only recently that I feel like the full scopes of these characters are starting to take shape, and I'm able to appreciate them for more than just the sum of their parts. That's not a bad thing whatsoever, I think the fact that tma prioritizes plot, or at the very least did so at the beginning, has ultimately paid off and will likely continue to do so going forward, and given the fact that I have roughly three entire seasons left, on top of...whatever the fuck The Magnus Protocol is...yeah, I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to appreciate these characters in their more complex forms...at least provided they don't die horribly premature deaths, but...I have the feeling that if any of them do die...I mean, I'll be sobbing my eyes out, but Jonny'll probably make the deaths worthwile given his skill as a writer. But um...my point is, characters who I used to like...mostly for vibes and not much more (which once again, worked for the time), are now becoming characters who I really appreciate as like...properly fleshed out people. It's not like they were bereft of complexeties or anything, but Jon, Martin, Tim, Daisy, especially Elias, and many more have all seen some tremendous growth as well-rounded characters in my eyes, and I feel like Georgie's already standing toe to toe with them given how quickly I've gotten invested in her personality. It's sad that Sasha can't be on that list but...I guess that's kind of the point. Sigh...I miss you every day queen. Ok, but uh...for real this time, let's get into this mysterious statement.

...Ok I lied. There's just one little detail that happens before the actual story starts that I'd like to unpack, but I SWEAR it's just the one thing. So, rather than calling himself "Former Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London" like he did in A Guest for Mr. Spider, Jon just...uses his name and nothing else. Now, I definitely think that this is a sign of his...likely futile attempts to distance himself from his position, and hopefully means that he's taking Georgie's advice...at least somewhat into account, but...there might be another meaning to it. Because...someone in the Youtube comments pointed out that using his name and not his title...is exactly how Gertrude opened up the statements she recorded. That's...kind of interesting. At first I thought that this could be a clue to like...Gertrude successfully distancing herself from the title of The Archivist, but...now I have other thoughts. The narrative relationship between Jon and Gertrude is endlessly fascinating to me, while they barely knew each other at all when the latter was still alive, their characters are chock full of parallels and foils to each other, something that is almost said in the show by Leitner. So...taking their parallels into account for a second, what if this new similarity could be suggesting that...Jon is going down the same path as Gertrude? I mean, given how their is very clearly a long-ass line of Eye servants known as The Archivist, with at least two of them (Gertrude and the Alexandrian one) having met really strange fates...this idea that they're destined to all end up like one another kind of works thematically for me. Now, this could definitely tell us some pretty interesting things about Jon. Maybe it could suggest that he'll eventually become a hardened and destructive badass like Gertrude, which would be a pretty cool subversion of all of the comments doubting his stomach for ✨the horrors✨ made by people like Elias and Leitner. ...It could also suggest that he'll die a grizzly fate too but...let's just ignore that for the time being. But uh...I'm actually a bit more interested by what this parallel, and really...all of their parallels means for Gertrude instead. You see, I get the sense that one of the major aspects of Jon's development at the moment is...deepening his connections to ✨the horrors✨. It's possible that's maybe just a subconscious side effect of me now having confirmation that he's been touched and claimed by some of them, but...I don't know, it still feels like his bonds with The Spider, and ESPECIALLY The Eye...are just getting a bit stronger. So, if you pair that with the idea that he's currently heading down the same path as Gertrude...then maybe that can tell us something about her. Maybe she was getting closer and closer to The Eye in her final moments, and her attempt at destroying the archives wasn't just done to stop...whatever the hell Elias and the institute at large are up to, but was also done as a last ditch effort to sever her connection to The Eye, and therefore stop being The Archivist. But...maybe she failed, and um...you know that Alexandrian Archivist who seemingly survived as an apparition of The Eye? Well...what if that's what happened to her? What if that's what happened to every Archivist that failed to sever their connection? She's just like...down there in the tunnels somewhere, floating around as a cyclops ghost thing. And that means...Jon could end up the same. Also, I have to wonder...if my theory about The Spider pulling Jon towards the institute so that he could become The Archivist is true...what does that mean for Gertrude? Did she also encounter it in her youth? Or did she come there out of her own will for some completely different reason? I uh...I could really go all day. Just know that the parallels between these two haunt me all the time, and this single line of dialogue has pushed me down another rabbit hole OH COME THE FUCK ON I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT THE STUPID MANNEQUIN.

Ok...no excuses now, I...actually have to get into the statement. Here we go, for real this time. Hopefully the train of thought doesn't get derailed and fall off a bridge for the 50th time. So, this episode's statement comes from a woman named Chloe Ashburt. Truth be told, I don't have too many opinions on her, but she works well as a protagonist and tells her story nicely. I will say that the one thing I did really like about her was how she was able to just...naturally be a little person in the story. It's only really implied throughout the statement and properly mentioned by Jon at the end, but..I liked it! It wasn't too shy to bring attention to the fact, and while it does make some comments about Chloe not being tall enough to reach things or facing discrimination in the workplace, it all felt like it was handled in a very natural and tasteful way, not interrupting the narrative while still allowing to exist as a part of her identity. Just...I really appreciate it when disabilities are allowed to be normalized in fiction without it being treated like the hottest take of the century. Anyways, a good while before submitting her statement to the institute, Chloe was working at Fanton's department store in Hammersmith. Overall it was a decent job for her, she didn't have much passion for it and...well, customer service blows about as much as you think it would, but her coworkers were generally friendly, it payed well enough to get her through her true passion of art school, and she was shifted around jobs just enough to the point where she didn't get bored. But overall...it was just a standard part-time job made to get her through university, and not much more. There was...one thing however, that kept the job pretty entertaining, and that was the window displays. As an artist (thankfully not the pretentious kind, looking at you Joseph Russo), Chloe had quite the interest in design, and her super cool line Lana Billings was well aware of this. So, Chloe was often left on the teams who set up displays, and while her perfectionism sometimes made things slow, and...she kind of wishes she had stopped after a while due to what ultimately happened, she had a pretty good time for the most part. But about a month before she submitted her statement, it was time for the store to start setting up some autumn displays, which Chloe was a particular fan of due to the more...out there or dramatic themes they usually held. The theme for the display she was sent to arrange was...."Nights at The Circus". Oh dear. Among them was a mannequin dressed in hoops and acrobat clothing, a paper-mache lion, and another mannequin dressed in the outfit of a ringmistress. That last one was particularly striking, adorned with a red top hat and holding a whip with great conviction. Now...already, it became clear to me that we were dealing with The Stranger, or more specifically The Other Circus, with the paper-mache lion REALLY reminding me of that tiger "taxidermy" that's shown up in a couple of statements. Granted, after listening to the episode, I don't actually think the initial display had anything to do with The Other Circus, rather, I think it was just...ill timing on the department store's part, having inadvertently attracted the attention of the paranormal. But, the point still stands that...The Other Circus is very much still in operation. If the calliope music in the Season 3 trailer wasn't enough, then...yeah, contrary to my prior beliefs they are very much still around, and seemingly playing a big role in The Unknowing, although...I'll go into more detail on that after I overview the statement.

Anyways, going back to Chloe, she notes that the other thing that kept work at the department store interesting was the...privileges granted to her by Lana. Due to both her status as an art student and her tendency to work rather late shifts, Lana would often have Chloe close up the store, but would also let her stay and draw the mannequins past the usual closing time, despite the protests of rather bigoted higher-ups. Chloe would often spend hours drawing the figures, and obviously, she would not leave the "Nights at The Circus" display exempt from her sketches. She spent night after night drawing every possible detail and angle of the figures, particularly the beautiful ringmistress, to perfection. But...that just meant that when all of a sudden, the mannequin had been replaced, she was the first, and...unfortunately only person to notice. Yeah...this was most definitely where our beloved cult of The Stranger started getting involved. At least...I think that's what The Other Circus is supposed to be? I don't know, even with all the new information we've gotten on ✨the horrors✨, especially The Stranger, my stance on that hasn't really changed since Strange Music, they are just...WAY too cult-like. Regardless, one day the mannequin was just...off. It had the same clothes and was in the same pose, but certain elements like the length of the arms and the size of the neck had been altered just slightly, and where there had once been at least...some semblance of the structure of a human face was...a perfectly blank head bereft of all features, plastic in perfect condition outside of a small crack. The changes were so miniscule that no one who hadn't drawn the figure to memory would ever notice it, and even Chloe started to question her own sanity, which is...very reminiscent of The NotThem now that I think about it, and for pretty obvious reasons. The only logical explanation that she could muster up was that someone must have removed the old mannequin and replaced it with a new one in the exact same position, but why and how was even more of a conundrum. Worst of all was that not only had nothing of worth been stolen, but even if she did get someone to believe her, no one would really do anything about it because...what could they even do to begin with? So...she just kept quiet. ...Ok, the overlap between The Stranger and The Spiral really bugs me! Like, I think it probably has to do with that whole...thing Leitner talked about that implied ✨the horrors✨ aren't as easy to understand and differentiate as 1, 2, 3, but like...you can see why I was so adamant that The NotThem and Michael were somehow connected, right? Like, they both have this whole thing of making you question your sanity or...just kind of gaslighting you overall. The main difference seems to be that The Strange does this by making things seem...slightly off or a little bit uncanny, while The Spiral does it by making things that are just...absolutely impossible by all laws of nature and life. But still, they're very similar in a lot of ways, and...that annoys me, because unlike The Eye and The Spider for example...there's like...NO proper examples of these two working with each other. Whatever The Unknowing is, it clearly harms the institute in some sort of way, and therefore harms The Eye. But...Michael, who is basically the poster-child for The Spiral, just...does not seem to be a party involved with the thing, he's much more of a chaotic neutral force who just wants to see what happens next. So like...what's up. Are they allies, enemies, or just entirely unrelated? I uh...I really don't know, but I want answers.

Ok, brief side tangent aside, for the next few weeks, Chloe just went about her business, accepting that she was unable to really do anything. Still, whenever she got the chance, she would inspect that mannequin again and again, and every time it got more and more unnerving. There was just this...feeling of difference and unease that emanated from the thing, she felt like it was watching her, which like...look, I get it, but it's funny to hear someone feel like they're being watched by The Eye's biggest hater. But just as she was about to start getting used to its presence...something even weirder happened. One day, Lana called Chloe into her office, and she seemed...on edge. She questioned her for a bit, asking if she had stayed around the night before, if she had done anything other than drawing, and if she had messed with the displays, the last two of which Chloe firmly denied in confusion. It was then that Lana pulled out a picture taken of one of the previously empty autumn display windows. And...where there was once nothing was a tangled mess of plastic mannequin limbs dressed in garish colors, holding its detached head in the air, with a big smile and a red pompom in the manner of a clown wig plastered upon it. On top of that, none of the CCTV showed this vandalism occuring, which...I assume is due to the concealment abilities of The Stranger, but all Lana saw was further evidence of he act being committed by someone who knew the camera placements well, so...someone who likely worked there. As inherently cool as all of this imagery is...it is also admittedly pretty creepy, and that's coming from someone who otherwise really vibes with mannequins. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that this was the work of the mannequin monster or something related, but...I do have to question why it did it. It could be a part of some elaborate scheme made to lead things to exactly where they ended up, it could be done to make sure that Chloe couldn't find out what's up with it after hours, it could just be done for the sake of The Stranger's off-putting nature, or...maybe this is at the very least symbolic of how the mannequin monster was made? I...don't really have a reason for that beyond just vibes, but...those vibes work for me personally. Anyways, despite initially coming off as suspicious due to her tendency to stay around late and her...artistic endeavors, Chloe was ultimately able to convince Lana that she was not responsible for the disfiguring of the mannequin. Lana agreed to not pursue any further action...but she unfortunately had to stop letting Chloe stay around after hours to draw the figures, which...she technically shouldn't have been doing in the first place. While Chloe was understanding towards her manager's reasons and realized she was getting off lightly...it ultimately made it so that her job was a lot more dull, and the customer service was even more insufferable. But during this time...some odd things happened. Due to Chloe's new restrictions, Lana had assigned the job of closing up the place to a number of people on rotation, but every day, whoever closed up the night before would appear a bit more....on edge, constantly jumping or glancing as if something had really spooked them. And eventually...it happened. The Wednesday before Chloe gave her statement, Lana couldn't find anyone who was willing or available to close up, meaning that she had to do the job herself. Chloe said she would help her do so if it meant she got to stay around and draw the figures for a bit, and she...reluctantly agreed. But that night...things were off.

There was a strange feeling of unease in the air, one that Chloe doubts was born of her own cognition, and when Lana should've been providing her usual talkative commentary...it was dead silent in the store. It was then that Chloe rounded the corner of the "Nights at The Circus" display as she was heading out...and saw that the mannequin, the one that had been unnerving her so heavily...was gone. The other displays had been torn apart, which I take is meant to signify the mannequin dropping the facade and separating itself from the normal displays. Chloe was...understandably left stunned by this, wondering if this was some elaborate prank being played by Lana...until she heard her voice, hoarse, on edge and forced as she called out for her. ...Oh dear. Chloe made the unfortunate mistake of running after her with 999 dialed, afraid of the guilt she would live with if she left her behind, and she rushed to the storeroom where she heard Lana calling from. When she opened the door, the room was dark, the light switch completely broken, and then...a tall and thin figure approached. It was the mannequin, cold, plastic and faceless...but alive. It leaned down towards Chloe...and shushed her with its artificial finger, leaving a single bit of blood on her lip. For unknown reasons, Chloe is unable to recall what exactly happened next, but the police eventually showed up. They...found Lana's body strangled and...partially skinned in the storage room, but the CCTV thankfully proved Chloe innocent. They would go on to work on the assumption that Lana was murdered by some deranged killer who was stalking the store, which...isn't technically wrong...but Chloe remembers. She will always have that feeling of cold plastic upon her lip.

So...yeah, that's the statement of Chloe Ashburt! ...I feel like it's pretty on brand of me to have less to say about the main plot of this episode than I do all of the stuff surrounding it. Overall, it's a very simple and...pretty easy to understand statement when you consider what's going on at the moment, but I think it works! It's a very versatile showcase of the forces of The Stranger, making good use of the uncanny, doubts of sanity, things being ever so slightly off or unnerving, the circus, skin, and of course, mannequins, which I'm...honestly surprised tma's never dealt with before. Like, it's dealt with similar things, but...yeah. I thought it was paced very well, I always have a bit of a soft spot for tma statements that evoke a very...classic horror sort of vibe, and...yeah, it just works overall! Now, I don't think I have...too much to say about it that isn't already pretty obvious, but before I get into some light observations and speculation, I should go over what Jon tells us after the statement. Unsurprisingly, it is...a lot harder for him to collect additional information without a team of assistants and academic funds to spare, so...he doesn't have quite as much to give us as he usually does, but there were still some things of note. There's not much new information on Chloe and Lana, but...there was one thing of note. In an article discussing Lana's murder, a picture of the service entrance to Fanton's department store, which the police speculated the killer used to break in, is shown. But...just off the edge in the distance is an all too familiar off-white van with an unreadable logo plastered upon it. So..yeah, Breekon and Hope were definitely hanging around the place, furthering their connection to The Stranger and whatever grand plan is building up to The Unknowing. I think it's rather reasonable to assume that they delivered the mannequin to the store, and maybe took it back after it killed Lana. That's...really about it for the relevant concrete information Jon gives, so...what about my thoughts? Well, while I think it's not incorrect to assume that Elias sent this statement to Jon so that he could learn more about the general history of The Stranger, given how I speculated that he's handing him statements based on immediately relevant subjects, and how relatively recent the events are in comparison to a lot of other statements...I definitely think this is somehow involved in The Unknowing, likely some piece of preparation for it in a similar vein to The NotThem being sent to steal the institute's secrets. The mannequin is most definitely the main catalyst for this piece of preparation if I am to be believed, and I'm guessing that murdering and skinning Lana has...some sort of relevance? I don't know, I doubt it killed her because she knew something, she overall seemed pretty ignorant to what was going on, especially in comparison to Chloe, who was a lot more aware of things and also survived. So uh...I guess The Unknowing requires skin or something? The skin association for The Stranger we get here is pretty interesting, it's never been entirely absent (i.e. The Trophy Room and The NotThem "wearing" people), but like...Lana's death is the most blatant example of it so far. And yes, it's obviously uncannily similar to what happened to Mary and all the other people in that book, along with that one passage in The Book of The Dead, but...like Leitner said, it's more about what the manifestations of ✨the horrors✨ represent rather than what they literally are. I'm...honestly struggling a bit to really see what skin, or...rather the lack thereof, has to do with both The Stranger and The End.

If I had to guess, skin, or at least....natural skin that isn't stapled onto horrific monsters, is a lot of what makes us appear human, hence the emphasis put on the creepiness of a plastic, skinless, yet living being in this episode. ...Oh my god what if the mannequin was stealing Lana's skin for itself, that just hit me. And then for The End...I guess skeletons are symbols of death and without skin we're just skeletons? Yeah...it's vague, but the connection is definitely there, and I'm guessing skin is also probably involved with the meat thing in some sort of way, because...I mean, it is a part of our bodies just like everything else. Anyways, uh...point blank, The Stranger has a pretty relevant skin association, and that probably connects back to The Unknowing in some weird roundabout way. I will also say that...the act of skinning someone, potentially to give that skin to a being that otherwise doesn't have it, is...very reminiscent of what seems to be going on with The Anglerfish, Sarah Baldwin, and Daniel Rawlings. Which like...yeah, no shit, they are also very clearly involved with The Stranger, but...it does make me wonder if this mannequin, and therefore The Other Circus, have a...deeper connection to The Anglerfish than, let's say...The NotThem for example. Oh yeah, The Other Circus! Obviously the circus theme tells us that they were involved with this, probably more than any other servant of The Stranger, so...yeah, they're definitely still around, which is good to know since there was some room for doubt. Uh...the mannequin might be one of their ranks, and if so that...definitely makes me question the humanity of its members. I mean, Gregor Orsinov would probably have to be a little bit inhuman by nature if his troupe were to survive this long, and...now that I think about it, none of the servants of The Stranger seem to be all that human, which makes sense given how their whole deal seems to be uncanny shit, but...it's interesting when you compare it to other servants, who...just seem like humans with eldritch superpowers. Um...Breekon and Hope's presence here shows that they're still on good terms with The Other Circus, even if they have their own company as well...somehow, I...guess this implies that they've moved from Russia to England for the sake of The Unknowing? I uh...look, I'm really trying to extrapolate as much data as I can here, but truth be told, The Other Circus is...one of the more mysterious recurring groups on our hands, having only shown up a couple of times before this, so...I don't have a ton to say. The point is, they are still alive, kicking, and involved with whatever's going on, seemingly more so than I initially thought. There's...two other tiny details I'd like to point out. Firstly, I just...really, REALLY liked the imagery of the mannequin shushing Chloe. Just...it felt like everything came full circle there. Throughout most of the statement, she was afraid to speak up about her unease out of fear of being seen as crazy, and now, even after she's seen the truth....she still has to be quiet out of fear for her own life. And secondly...I found the mannequin just...lingering there to be pretty interesting. It's probably at least partially because it was waiting for the opportune moment to strike, but...given how everyone who was left to close up shop was left uneasy the next day, and...given how I suggested that ✨the horrors✨ like to gradually feed on people's unease given the behavior of Calvin Benchley and a few others...I have to wonder if that's what was going on with the mannequin, like...it was having its fun gradually unnerving everyone over time, which could also explain why is supposedly disfigured that other display. Fitting for what we know of The Stranger I suppose. And uh...yeah! That's...really it.

Truth be told, I can't really form a coherent and concise theory about all of this at the moment, because not only is this episode...pretty clear and concise with the information it does provide, but also...we still just do not have enough knowledge on The Stranger or The Unknowing to make an educated guess. I think this episode is less about revealing new information, and more about...telling us what we should be paying attention to right now. It's basically saying "hey, here's what we're dealing with". And that's fine! It's still very early in the season, and I'm sure we're going to get more information on it very soon, so...yeah. Despite all of my burning questions, I think that just having an episode that pushes all of this into the limelight is a good idea. I think the main takeaway is that The Stranger, which is being followed by The Other Circus, Breekon and Hope, The NotThem and The Anglerfish, is becoming more and more active with all of those parties involved, whatever The Unknowing even is, we can at least say it's...some sort of plot being piloted by The Stranger, and...it is probably very close to becoming an imminent problem as we speak. And...that's all we need to know for the time being. There are...a couple of little tidbits Jon gives at the end of the episode though. Basically, he talks about all of the elements, people, groups and themes he believes belong to The Stranger, which I've already discussed in great detail, and speculates about who sent him this statement, which...yeah, like I've said, it's most likely Elias. More interestingly though, he speculates on why this statement specifically was sent to him. And...it basically verifies what I've been saying. Jon suspects that this is some sort of warning, that the statement is meant to tell him...he and potentially many others are in danger, that The NotThem was just the beginning, that The Stranger as a whole is becoming more and more of an imminent threat. And...he's not just going to ignore that. He ends the episode by proclaiming that he's going to continue investigating further, that he is...adamant on finding out what's going on. On one hand, I agree that he should probably find out what the whole deal with The Stranger and The Unknowing is before it becomes a big problem, and...hey, at least his desire to gain new information doesn't involve stalking his coworkers anymore. But on the other hand...this is probably exactly what Elias wants him to do, and...it's just a bit too reminiscent of all that stuff with The Eye and The Archivist and...knowledge as a theme in tma for me to write it off as nothing but a good thing. So uh...in the simplest terms...yikes. Well, that about does it for Drawing a Blank! Overall it's a pretty damn solid episode! I'm a bit more intrigued by what it's setting up instead of what's in the standalone episode, and...I do find it a bit of humorous shame that I had much more to say about the opening with Jon and Georgie than I did the actual statement, but...I still really enjoyed the entire episode! My thoughts on it were a lot less extensive than usual, but...once again, I am more than ok with that given what I've just done. Anyways, see you next time, I'm going to get to constructing a cursed mannequin! (no I won't) (i do not have the time or energy)

Supplemental: ...I just realized that it doesn't seem like we have supplementals for Season 3 anymore. I mean...I guess that makes sense given that Jon isn't doing crazy suspicious glances at his coworkers (who he admittedly hasn't seen for at least a week) anymore, but...I'll still kind of miss them, they were a lot of fun. Whatever, nothing's stopping me from using them in my posts. So uh...as promised, here's just a list of some additional things that have been floating around in my head recently! First of all, you know how I said it was sad and unfortunate that Jon called himself a "deeply annoying child" when he probably wasn't, and Mikael was just a dick? Well, while I still stand by the fact that that isn't a great mindset to have, I...would be lying if I said I didn't do the exact same thing a lot of the time. Thank you Jonathan Sims, your existence calls me out every day. Secondly, I was...kind of thinking back to how I suggested that "Mr. Spider" and "Mr. Pitch" were allied or connected in some sort of way, but...then I realized that might not make sense, because The Eye is very clearly allies with The Spider...but enemies with The Divine Host. However, it might make sense if you consider the possibility that..it's actually very easy for✨the horrors✨ to be allies with two beings who are enemies with each other, and not face any repercussions for it. I think this lines up pretty well since due to the existence of Daedalus, we can probably assumed that a group like The Lukas Family is close to both the institute and The Divine Host, depsite their supposed rivalry. And I mean...✨the horrors✨ are kind of implied to be mindless cosmic monsters on unimaginable levels of power, so...I don't really know if they CAN face repercussions. Do eldritch gods have a justice system? Probably not, they're committing crimes on the daily. ...Oh god, what does the existence of ✨the horrors✨ mean for mainstream real-world religions in the tma universe?! Like, I know that they haven't been confirmed as creator deities or anything, hell, Leitner suggested that considering them as equivalent to gods is kind of a fool's errand, but like...imagine being Christian and learning that no, Jesus doesn't exist, but you can go worship the backrooms instead. ...Then again, the meat has a lot of Christian undertones....aaaaaagghhhh I'm going down a rabbit hole again. Anyways, my point is that in regards to that spider darkness thing, I've either been proven wrong or I'm actually on to a lot more than I initially thought. And finally...I found this Tumblr post, and I just wanted to say...this is the best summary of my writing process and my motivations for making these posts that I've ever seen. So here you go, a deep dive into the mind of the "author":

- Episode 84, Possessive 🗞

Martin Blackwood, Archival Assistant at The Magnus Institute, recording statement number 9900112, statement of Adrian Weiss.

You know, tma is a very...diverse podcast, in a lot of ways. I mean, these episodes can take so many forms. Some of them are extremely scary, some are really emotional with complicated themes, some are just a really fun and creative concept. But then, every once in a while...you get one that makes you want to vomit. Ok, that's...admittedly an oversimplification in this episode's case, because it's actually really good with a lot going on! The statement is creative and bone-chilling with a lot of mystery and moving parts behind it, it has some pretty interesting themes at play, and I especially like what other parts of the episode do for the greater narrative. Like...there is quite a bit on that front. But with that being said...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Like, I know it's supposed to be gross considering which member of ✨the horrors✨ it seems to align with, but...dear god. It might not quite be the grossest statement of tma in concept, but just...the way it's described, every little line...it adds to the atmosphere in the most disgusting way possible, and like...I absolutely love that, I think it's genuinely amazing that an episode can make me feel so unclean, but...stiil, yikes. Now, to be completely honest, I'm...struggling to piece together everything that's going on in this episode, as it's a little bit vague. Not necessarily vague by nature like...Fatigue for example, but...even though a lot of the general themes and ideas are more than familiar, this episode deals with entirely new concepts and characters, and it feels like there are quite a few missing pieces which...I feel like leads to multiple possible interpretations of what exactly happened here. Still though...I'll try my best to make something that works. I often find that ideas come to me a lot more easily if I just...sit down and write rather than mulling it over in my head at 2 AM, so...yeah, let's just get into this disgusting hell rodeo!

So, before the main plot of the episode even starts, there's already a decent amount to unpack at the very beginning. Don't worry, it's not as much to unpack as what I had last episode...probably. So, I think it's safe to say that after this episode, we now have a good idea of Season 3's format fully established. This episode brings us back to the institute, seemingly showing that my hypothesis of every odd numbered episode being focused on Jon and every even numbered episode being focused on the others was correct, and we also have confirmation that both storylines will still primarily focus on statements. Admittedly, I do think it would've been...kind of cool if they tried out a completely new episode format for one of the arcs, but the statements have been just as generally good as ever so far, and it feels like the podcast is more focused on the overarching narrative than any other point in its history beforehand, so...I really can't complain that much, especially since changing the format TOO drastically could come with a potential risk. Anyways, it's nice to finally get a full sense of what this season's whole deal is, but...one question remains. With Jon absent...who's reading the statements? Who is, in the non-paranormal sense, our "Acting Head Archivist"? Well...I'm proud to announce that it is the one, the only....Martin K. Blackwood. Hell. Yes. Ok, well...technically it seems like the responsibility has been thrust upon the archival assistants as a unit, but...as much as I would love to see it, I doubt that Tim's going to be reading statements any time soon given his current emotional state, hell, even Martin kind of backs that up inadvertently. There's also the matter of the new recruit, but...uh, you know what, we'll get to her later on. So as far as I'm concerned, Martin is filling in for Jon...and I could not be happier about that. I mean...I guess I could do without the horrifying implications of what working at The Magnus Institute does to a person and the world at larger, but like...look at him!!! Look at my guy!!!! He started out as the office punching bag and look at him now!!! Oh my god...Season 1 Jon would be QUAKING at this revelation if he saw it. But uh...yeah, I'm really happy that Martin is reading statements for the institute episodes, because it means we get to spend a lot more time with him. And...while I can't exactly speak for how likely it is at the moment, it might also mean that we'll get more time with the other assistants if they read out statements as well. I...also guess I should mention my thoughts on how Martin, and...Alex by proxy read this statement. This is the first time we've ever had someone other than Jon read a statement that isn't there own, with the obvious exception of Not!Sasha and Elias, but...in their cases, they were made off-putting and ominous on purpose, and their deliveries weren't really supposed to emulate the actual person they were acting as. In short...this is the first time anyone other than Jon has read someone else's statement for a simple job with no known sinister motivations. And Alex/Martin...does a pretty good job at it! I don't think his delivery here quite reaches the heights of Jon/Jonny's theatre kid deliveries, but...this is his first time, so I'm obviously not going to judge his overall prowess too early. Either way, he does just as good of a job as Jon and every live statement giver at delivering the story with a sense of conviction and terrifying immersion, so...yeah, he's made a very strong first impression, which is unsurprising given how well he did for his own statement in Colony.

But to be honest, the main reason I'm talking about this is because, as I've said before, I think that Jon's crazy deliveries have actual lore implications. So the big question is...does that same pattern of oddly accurate portrayals of statement givers apply to Martin as well? Does it only apply to The Archivist (or...I guess just Jon for the time being since Gertrude's also a bit up in the air with the accuracy of her deliveries), or is it something found across all archival employees? Well...I think it's hard to say. Like I said, it doesn't quite reach the heights of theatre kid energy seen in episodes like Piecemeal, Hive and Literary Heights, and those episodes are the kinds that make me suspicious of the deliveries in the first place. And...yes, while Martin's delivery is still really immersive, that same principle applies to all of the people who have given their statement live, and...sure, while I do have some suspicions about how they're able to recall their statements directly, (such suspicions being made even greater due to later events in the episode) I think that their visceral deliveries are entirely natural in their case. It's only suspicious to me when someone is reading another person's statement, and seemingly manages to emulate that person's cadence perfectly, and as of now...I really can't tell whether or not that actually applies to Martin. His delivery is visceral, sure, but...I can't tell if he's actually emulating the tone of Adrian Weiss, or if he's just kind of freaked out. At the very least, I think I can say that statements definitely have...some kind of weird effect on the people who read them, not just Jon, but...I'll get into why later. Regardless, the short is that I'm really happy Martin's filling in for him, I think this first statement read by him was really well performed, and...there's certainly some interesting questions regarding this development that have still yet to be answered. But will all of that out of the way...let's finally get to the main event. See? I told you this wouldn't be as long as last time! ...I swear I'll get rehab soon.

So, this statement comes from a man named Adrian Weiss, who came to the institute to detail a notable event during his childhood in the Suffolk village of Cratfield. Now, as I'm sure you're aware at this point, I'm a pretty big fan of the statements that take place during childhood, so we're off to a great start. Although, I have to say that this episode made me think...are minors allowed to give statements to the institute, or can they not do that until they become adults? I mean, given its paranormal nature it's...probably a good thing if they can't give statements? But like...imagine if a 16-year old discovered something that gave answers to every major mystery, but couldn't tell Jon because of their age. Actually...how much does The Magnus Institute connect back to the UK government? It definitely seems pretty independent, but...most if not all officially certified academic institutions need some contact with the government, and I doubt they'd let a lot of what the institute is doing slide so easily. Then again...both the guy who runs it and some close contacts like The Lukas Family do have their connections to terrifying eldritch forces, and...I guess what he did to Daisy gives us a good idea of how Elias would likely handle troublesome government agents, but...I'm still intrigued by the topic either way. Ok...I'm rambling and need to take my meds. Anyways, Adrian moved to Cratfield when he was about ten or eleven. It was a far cry from his previous home in Ipswich, and...much like me after listening to the episode, he always found the place to be absolutely filthy with all of the natural rot and manure around, even as a child. Still though...it was overall fine. It was rural, open and isolating, but Adrian did feel like it was a fresh start after a difficult school life, and while the local children weren't exactly his favorite people in the world, he was content enough to spend time with them, and overall preferred their company over being alone. There was one kid however, who stood out quite a bit, and his name was Gordon Goodman. He was a younger teenager, but he was extremely short with hair that fell over his eyes, and had a rather quiet tone. But when compared to the other more...meat-headed children (uh...the regular kind of meat headed, not the tma kind), he was actually rather calm, kind and polite, always taking everything in stride. I find it...a little bit weird that Adrian says it never really felt like his name fit his character though? I mean, I guess he doesn't sound like the perfect definition of an upstanding guy, and...given what we learn later I would actually hesitate to call him a good person...or maybe even a person at all, but like...on the surface he seems like he was nice enough, so...I don't know what Adrian's going on about here. Anyways, despite his general pleasantness, there was always one thing about Gordon that struck Adrian as...a little bit odd. On the edge of Cratfield was a small field that almost everyone avoided, as it was arguably the filthiest part of an already filthy village. Its only resident was an old woman named Margaret Carnegie, who lived in a small bungalow in the middle of the place, hence why the place was colloquially referred to as "Maggie's Dump". She was a hoarder by nature, no one really knew where she got all of the stuff she owned (...I don't really think I want to if I'm being honest), but her supply of junk seemed never-ending. Eventually she had to start keeping it in the area around her house, and since she never bothered to tie it down or keep it secure, it just kind of...got all over the place. Almost as if she was...intentionally making the place a mess....yeah I see you. But since Cratfield didn't have an actual dump, and because Maggie didn't seem to mind the mess whatsoever...other people just started throwing their own discarded shit in the area, and thus, the dirtiest place in Cratfield was born.

And this is where we get back to Gordon, as for whatever reason he was the one who took up the decision to deliver Maggie her food, which often led to him being teased by the other children. You know...I really have to say, I find Gordon to be quite the fascinating character in all honesty. Like...it's so interesting, because up until the end of the story I genuinely really felt for him. He seemed like a super sweet and altruistic kid who unfortunately got wrapped up in some creepy stuff, and he might actually be a genuinely nice person in terms of his demeanor and personality, but...then that final line comes along and just makes you question everything you've been led to believe, and it's clever as it is unnerving. I'll...obviously get to that later, but just know that I find him decently interesting on both a writing and lore perspective, and given how a lot of things regarding both him and his relationship to Margaret Carnegie remain unsolved, I kind of expect him to return in some kind of way later down the line, so...even if I might not have many concrete theories regarding him at the moment, I definitely feel like it's worth taking note of him. And mentioning his relationship with Maggie, while Adrian was not nearly as judgemental toward Gordon for his seemingly noble actions as others, even he was a bit confused as to why he would do such a thing. He suspects she was likely a relative of some sort, and...I'm honestly inclined to agree with that, both due to later evidence in the statement and because it adds fuel to a little theory I'm crafting. Regardless, as much as Adrian was intrigued by Gordon's actions, he was a lot more intrigued by Maggie herself. Naturally, the presence of a strange and reclusive elderly woman with odd habits and relations in a small town would lead to a number of ghost stories, especially among the children. Most commonly were rumours about her being a witch, which...I guess isn't too far off? I don't really know, I think that kind of depends on how arcane they decide to go with ✨the horrors✨ going forward but...I guess Jane was also a witch, and she seems to serve the same force as Maggie, so...even if ✨the horrors✨ aren't really a witchcraft deal, it's possible that The Flesh Hive specifically might have a...strange fondness for that sort of thing, if you know what I mean. ...Ok that's probably a stretch, but anyways, the other big theory regarding her was that she had murdered her husband, chopped him up, and buried him beneath all the garbage. I'm...not sure how inclined I am to take this as canon, since the idea of killing your loved one and dismembering them seems more akin to someone like John Haan, but...the idea of burying corpses beneath the rubble actually seems not too out of the possibility given what we definitively know about her, so...yeah. Also, I absolutely loved that one mention of the neighborhood kid who was a compulsive liar. We need to bring attention to those little shits more frequently in my opinion. Ok, I'm getting off track and probably over-analyzing. The point is, Adrian was...certainly scared by these stories, but also fascinated by the fear he felt, he got a rush out of it. I actually really appreciate this detail, we've certainly had statement givers who are inherent fans of spooks before, but this is the first time I can recall it applying to a child, and I think it's a pretty realistic depiction of how kids often respond to fear as an emotion, just as fascinated as they are apprehensive. But anyways, this interest in Maggie led to Adrian often accompanying Gordon on his walks through Maggie's Dump, at least until he got a little bit too frightened and ran back to the fencepost that he deemed a safe space. Gordon was always somewhat oblivious to Adrian's fear, but he seemed to enjoy the company.

Adrian...never actually saw what Gordon did though. He would ring the doorbell with food in hand, Maggie would answer, and...Adrian never stayed around to see him come out, even if he tried to. He would always be at school the next day, and if Adrian asked what had happened, Gordon would always brush it off to the best of his ability, although...he could never quite hide how his fingernails were stained with dirt. I...guess now's a pretty good time to just outright say which of ✨the horrors✨ I think applies to this statement. It is...quite obviously The Flesh Hive in most conceivable ways. It'll become more apparent later, but there is a clear presence of filth, rot, decay, diseases, insects, parasitic relationships, and even that classic yellow ooze here, so...yeah, another example of old faithful. However, the presence of dirt, things being kept underground, and a place that seems rather claustrophobic with all of the rubble in mind...I do have to wonder if the unnamed being with relations to compression that's seen in episodes like Lost Johns' Cave and Underground also played a role here. Like...it seems unlikely that Maggie was actively serving it when opposed to The Flesh Hive, but...I have a sense that it was around. But then again...Leitner kind of gave off the sense that ✨the horrors✨ aren't as easy to understand or organize as both the characters and the audience (/The Eye possibly hehehehehe) would hope, so...I don't know, it might actually be a lot more complicated than just assigning one being to every statement, or every artifact, or every servant, or every- you get the idea. I think I'll still stick with the method of organization I'm using for the time being, since it ended up being more relevant and correct than I initially expected, and...hell, Jon himself is doing it to an extent (not Martin though because holy shit it just hit me how LITTLE the assistants know about what's actually happening right now), but...I'll keep an open mind just in case. Point is, using my current methods of classifying ✨the horrors✨, I think this one is primarily tied to The Flesh Hive with some minor influence from the compression power. Anyways, uh....fuck where was I. Oh yeah, so despite the...relative innocence of Gordon's kindness towards Maggie that existed on the surface, Adrian definitely knew something was up with them. And...it all came to a head when one day, Gordon didn't return from Maggie's Dump, and he didn't come to school. Given all the rumours and superstitions surrounding her, Adrian was quick to figure out that Maggie had likely...kept him there, and as soon as school finished he rushed to Gordon's house to confront his parents about the matter. This is where...something pretty interesting to me happens. Adrian was met with Gordon's father, and for whatever reason...he lied about what was going on, saying that Gordon was sick and asleep in his bedroom, refusing to let Adrian in. It's technically possible that he was lying in order to not make Adrian panic or worry, but...given the podcast's track record, I'm inclined to be a little bit suspicious. I...definitely think that Gordon's father, and likely the entire Goodman Family by extension, was aware of what Maggie was doing to him, and....that probably means they were ok with it given their lack of action on the matter. This is why I assume that Gordon and Maggie have some sort of familial relationship, and if that's not the case, then...there's most definitely some sort of relatively close connection to her going on that I hope gets addressed on some level. Regardless, with no answers coming from his father, Adrian decided that he was going to have to save Gordon himself.

It's here that he points out Maggie's desire for the junk surrounding her house to stay with her, verifying the idea that she wants it for some...not so nice reasons, but he also mentions how in the years since, he's tried to deny that what he saw was real despite his better judgement. That's another very interesting aspect of his character to me, as....I mean, my memory might be failing me here, but it doesn't feel like we ever get statement givers who want to deny the reality of what they saw, it always feels like they have something to prove. The only prior exception to this that I can think of is like...Mark Bilham from Growing Dark, but outside of that...yeah, this feels pretty new. Like, (and this genuinely just came into my head because truth be told I hardly plan these posts out in advance at all and this is just my train of thought converted to text and yes I am hoping to get my ADHD diagnosis in the upcoming months how could you tell) this statement honestly has a pretty good and interesting cast all things considered. But getting back to the plot, Adrian traversed the piles and piles of filth, making it further than he ever had before...and that's when things started to get much, much worse. An all too familiar sickly-yellow glow emanated from the windows of Maggie's bungalow, reflecting off of the empty bottles surrounding her house, and Adrian fell to his knees upon the horrendous stench that also suddenly appeared. When he did so, he noticed that all of the food that Gordon had been delivering to Maggie was being kept behind her house, still unopened, showing that the food delivery was just a mask for whatever was really happening. But alongside all of the unopened food...was a pristine, clean can of baked beans, stood upright and completely out of place amongst all of the pestilence and filth. Adrian reached for it, wanting to feel a semblance of anything clean...and then, of course, it began to shake violently, throbbing and pulsing as something tried to break free. This definitely reminded me of...whatever the hell was in Amherst's fridge back in Pest Control, but...also kind of reminded me of the coffin given the lack of knowledge on what's inside? I mean, I sincerely doubt that the coffin is related to The Flesh Hive at the moment, and...we know that it at the very least as stairs inside, the mystery now being where those stairs lead, but...I have pointed out that the coffin could relate to the compression power, even if I still think The Spider is a little more likely, and I did say this statement could also relate to that same being, so....hm. Well, regardless, Adrian stumbled back upon the sight of the can, but...as he tried to get back on his feet, he felt the dirty and vile ground try to pull him down. Just...the description of his entire arm up to his elbow being coated in grime....ugh, that might just be the most disgusting part of the statement for me if I'm being fully honest, which is saying something, although I also think it's the best evidence for the presence of the compression power's presence. But while he didn't scream, Adrian was still mortified as he pulled his arm out of the ground by force and flung away as much mud, soil, and...you guessed it, worms, as he possibly could. And then, as he looked down to where he had torn his arm away from...he saw Gordon. Except it wasn't Gordon, rather, it was an uncannily perfect recreation of him, made entirely out of old newspapers and cardboard that worms had made a nest out of. As...unnerving as this was, and...as much as it gets me to think that maybe this supposed replica of Gordon was what tried to drag Adrian down under in the first place, it did get him to remember who he was even for. Adrian made his way back up to the bungalow, and when he peered through oily and slimy yellow windows...he saw something that would forever scar him. No traditional witchcraft, no dismembering and burying, but instead...oh god.

He saw Gordon Goodman, sat motionless in an armchair, and above him was the hunched and crooked figure of Margaret Carnegie. Tiny and inscrutable organisms were crawling all over Gordon's face, and Maggie was covering him with ancient, yellow paper, and a rancid fluid that emanated from her body. She sang a soft and ominous song, a...bit too similar sounding to what Jane described in her infamous monologue to ignore from my perspective, and as she did, the creatures on Gordon's face began to crawl at an even more rapid speed. It was then that Adrian accidentally broke a glass bottle...and he ran. He didn't care if Maggie hadn't heard him, he didn't care if it meant Gordon meeting a grizzly fate, he was not going to take any chances if it meant facing what he had just seen in person. But the next morning...Gordon was there as if nothing had ever happened. He was at school the next morning, once again acting as if nothing had happened, although...for whatever reason he stopped going to Maggie's Dump. He and Adrian would lose contact when the latter moved to Liverpool with his family about a year later, and...over the coming years, he managed to convince himself that what he saw that day was nothing but a dream. That was...until a business trip of his in Ipswich, one that happened a month prior to his statement. The drive back home had taken him through Cratfield, and he decided to take a quick pit stop there. He engaged in some idle chitchat with the locals for an hour or so...but then, someone mentioned leaving an old mattress behind in the nearby dump. Adrian asked when Cratfield had gotten a dump, and the citizen casually said it was just a field where people would throw away their junk, saying it as if he had no idea of the place's relevance, of its unnerving rot and dark secrets. And then...Adrian asked if the place had a name, and the local said yes, that it was named after the recluse who lived in the area. The place was now called "Gordie's Dump." .....fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

So uh...wow. Ew. Gross. Even icky. Some might say that was wretched and vile. Perhaps disgusting. That's uh...that's great. Just. Just great. I guess you could say this truly was a "Statement of Adrian Weiss." But in all seriousness, I did really like this one! It had a surprisingly intriguing cast of characters, some very creative uses of gross-out horror, and just...this general sense of mystery, of not being able to truly piece together what was actually going on. And uh...on that note, I guess I should talk about my theories and speculations regarding this one. Because, truth be told, this statement is surprisingly vague in a lot of places. There's a lot of things that don't feel clearly explained, or are just really up to interpretation in nature. I certainly have some ideas, but...I can't really speak for how fleshed out they'll be. Like, I'll be able to make some propositions and explain why I think what I think, but...whether or not I can make a fully concise and coherent theory for the events of this statement is something that only time can really tell. And hell, I'm not unaware of the possibility that none of this actually matters. I'm only trying to make theories because...all of this gives off the energy of something that will eventually return, at least to me, and I want to see how right I'll end up being if it does indeed come back around. But...I am not unaware that Jonny and Alex have gone on record to say that not every minor mystery will be resolved, and it's definitely possible that this episode is just a one-off that is meant to remain vague forever. And you know what, I like that, I think the fact that tma will ultimately leave some things as loose ends by the time it finishes is good, it adds to the mystery, intrigue, charm and of course, horror, but...I still can't shake the feeling that something's up, so I'm going to try and piece together whatever I can. Before I do though, I should definitely go over what Martin has to say post-statement, which as expected, is...a lot more in depth than what Jon provided for us in the last episode. I'll...go over his strange reaction to finishing the statement a bit later, but for now, what does he have to tell us? Well...that unpleasant patch of land in Cratfield is indeed owned by Gordon Goodman in modern day, having been bequeathed it by Margaret Carnegie after her death in 1982. By my estimates, this means that Maggie died...probably a few years after the events of Adrian's statement, and I think that Martin mentioning Gordon was her sole beneficiary adds to the idea that they might have been blood relatives. What's most interesting however is Maggie's cause of death, as while official records list it as being through "natural causes"...that's clearly not the case. Autopsy reports show that her lungs were apparently filled with newspaper pulp, and while she's listed as having "cancerous growths", Martin notes that the report makes said growths sound more like...insect legs, and that they were apparently still moving after death. ...Uh oh. Finally, Gordon was apparently the one who found her body, although it went missing the following night. Martin suspects that "he didn't want to let her go either", and while he is unfortunately cut off from saying what he thinks Gordon did by something I'll discuss later...I'm guessing he thinks that he held on to Maggie's corpse, possibly keeping it beneath all of the trash like those rumours used to say. Also, this is completely unrelated, but I really like how Martin reads all of these post-statement details. It's just...I don't know, it feels a bit more opinionated than Jon, a lot less matter-of-fact, and a bit more interested while also a bit less mortified, I think it suits his character quite well. Anyways, with all of those details in mind...what do I think?

Well...like I said, I only have some ideas at the moment as opposed to fully fleshed out theories. I...honestly think we just need to learn a bit more about how ✨the horrors✨ function, specifically in terms of how they affect otherwise human beings, before I can make something concrete. For now...well, let's just start with some explanations of the simple miscellaneous mysteries. So, like I said, this episode most certainly deals with The Flesh Hive, and I'm not going to explain why in full again. Just know that...pretty much all of the inherently gross stuff in this episode connects back to The Flesh Hive in some way, shape or form, and that includes some of the mysterious stuff. Like, I'm not going to get too hung up on what was inside that can, because for now...I can't really say anything more than just "something belonging to The Flesh Hive." Uh...Maggie and Gordon are both most certainly servants of The Flesh Hive like Jane and Amherst, chances are their ownership of the dump and desire to live in an unclean and disgusting environment serves it in some way, and...when it comes to Maggie's death, I think it might be something similar to what happened with Jane. I'm not too concerned about the newspaper pulp in her lungs, since...that just feels like another creepy detail meant to solidify her connection to her patron, but....if you recall, Jane...kind of died from the looks of things, the one that attacked the institute was very different from the woman who gave her statement a couple of years prior, and was basically just a corpse being piloted by a parasitic worm hivemind. And I think something similar happened with Maggie, she was likely fully overcome by The Flesh Hive and became a walking corpse or sorts, hence the moving insect legs. Which...might also mean that she is not entirely dead, but...I guess we'll just have to wait and see if that's something worth worrying about. That does get me wondering though, about like...how people are overcome by ✨the horrors✨, and what the supposed stages of the process are. Because like...Leitner basically said that the conscious beings who serve ✨the horrors✨ are still their own entities, just with connections to higher powers, and in a lot of cases that is true, but...then people like Jane seem to have been entirely consumed by The Flesh Hive, just another cog in the machine. So like...is it possible that the Maggie present throughout most of Adrian's statement was a conscious person serving The Flesh Hive, and after her "death" she became even more intertwined with the being? Could this theoretically happen to servants of other powers? Like, maybe Elias is just a servant of The Eye at the moment, but he'll become a part of The Eye itself later on? Oh my god...is that what happened to Michael? Like, I think it makes more sense that he's just the human persona of The Distortion at the moment, but like...what if he was just a relatively human servant of The Spiral at some point, and gradually became more and more connected to it, until we get to modern day where he basically says that he and his always are just limbs and organs of a much larger thing, that being either The Distortion or The Spiral at large. I just...oh god that's interesting to me. But...even then, I think the most interesting stuff comes out of the main theme of this episode, that being...well, possessiveness. Unhealthy love, the desire to keep what is most dear to you as close as possible no matter the cost. This has always been a...kind of underlying theme of The Flesh Hive to me, seen through examples such as Jane's past, or how the first statement involving the thing is, to this day, the only one that's really about sexual desire.

And I think this component explains a lot of Maggie and Gordon's behaviour, the hoarding and Martin's suspicions of Gordon keeping her body are obvious ones, but I also think this serves as a pretty good explanation for the weird...newspaper model of Gordon we saw. I had...quite a few conflicting thoughts surrounding this, but I think it makes the most sense to assume that Maggie was making these copies of him out of an...unhealthy obsession with him, and that the part where she was smoothing paper over his skin is meant to show us how she makes the models, like...she was getting his proportions. Hell, even though I don't think the newspaper in her lungs is all that worth worrying about...I can concede that it might very well represent Gordon...returning the favor, so to speak. She coveted him by making those copies, so now...he's coveting her, filling the things that keep her alive with her everlasting materials in order to keep her with him forever, literally and/or spiritually, tying back to what Martin said at the end of his wrap-up. All of this seems emblematic of their relationship, an unhealthy one between...what I'm once again guessing are relatives, one where they are both victims and abusers, where they refuse to let go of one another...and it's absolutely haunting. As much as all of the physically gross stuff unnerves me...the more emotionally gross aspects of The Flesh Hive are probably the most terrifying to me. With Jane, I found it kind of beautiful in its own twisted way, but here...it's just really cruel and visceral, and I absolutely love it. But...while all of these themes of possessiveness and unhealthy love are certainly emblematic of their emotional relationship, I also think it's supposed to tell us about their more...paranormal relationship. In my opinion...Maggie and Gordon's relationship is another example of a connection to ✨the horrors✨ being passed down through an organization, connection and/or bloodline. Maggie served The Flesh Hive, and is now passing that responsibility down to him, possibly explaining why he stopped going to the bungalow after Adrian saw him, as he might have finally, truly been claimed that day, or maybe explaining why Maggie died the way she did, as she had passed down her responsibilities. This might also add further explanation as to why Gordon's father seemed aware of and ok with what was happening, as...if Maggie did indeed have a familial relation to the Goodman Family, then it's possible they were somewhat similar to the Keay Family, being a bloodline that served one of ✨the horrors✨ and expected their young to do the same. This also makes it extremely likely that...this inheritance of the dump has been going on for a long-ass time, added to by the fact that Maggie seems to be kind of a faded memory by the time Adrian arrives back in Cratfield, and implying that many came before Maggie, and...Gordon will likely choose a successor of his own if he hasn't done so already. I...did also consider the possibility that maybe their relationship was something similar to what I suspect is going on with Maxwell Rayner, where "Maggie" is just some greater power or spirit possessing its successors generation after generation, but...I really don't have any evidence for this other than that it would make the title of the episode really clever, and...I don't know if we can equate the power of The Flesh Hive to that of The Divine Host's patron all that easily, especially since Rayner's abilities seem...decently reliant on the dark aesthetic. And uh...yeah, that's really it.

I'm...genuinely really sorry I don't have more to say on this, and that it's pretty half-baked and incoherent. I definitely have a lot of thoughts when it comes to this episode, it's certainly getting the juices in my brain flowing...but it's hard to connect it back to other episodes outside of its pretty obvious connections to The Flesh Hive, and...that makes it pretty hard to speculate on, since a lot of my theories rely on making logical connections to previous episodes, and I'm not all that good at making theories with just the content of standalone episodes and nothing more. Plus, I don't even know how relevant this episode is supposed to be, and oh god I'm rambling just-. ...Ok. Look, the point is, I don't have a ton to say on this one that isn't pretty surface level, and I think that's fine. I have some basic thoughts, and...hopefully I'll be able to make some greater theories out of what I've established going forward, but for now...this is it. I think I've made it...clear enough what my thoughts are, but to recap...the main conclusion is that the owner of the dump in Cratfield is inherently hereditary. Margaret Carnegie and Gordon Goodman are likely just two of many prior and likely future beneficiaries, all servants of the power known as The Flesh Hive, there to fill the field with filth and covet as much junk as possible. That's...basically all. Well...except for one thing, kind of. It...isn't really relevant to the plot of this statement specifically, but...Maggie and Gordon got me thinking about, like...others who are similar to them. Basically, people who have been claimed by ✨the horrors✨...not necessarily because they were directly sought out by the beings themselves, or had some crazy paranormal mishap, but because they had connections to other people or groups that were already claimed themselves. I'm talking The Cult of The Lightless Flame, The People's Church of The Divine Host, The Other Circus, The Lukas, Fairchild, Haan and Keay Families, and...likely The Archivists and the heads of The Magnus Institute. Because...while I've done zoom-ins on all of them individually before, I've never really talked about these cults, families and positions at large before, and...given all of the mystery surrounding what it even means to be The Archivist, I feel like this topic is going to become pretty relevant sooner or later, so...I should probably start talking. You see, with people like Jane Prentiss, Jared Hopworth, and Mike Crew...they're all relatively easy to understand, at least as a broad concept. They all started serving ✨the horrors✨ because of some sort of paranormal experience unique to them, and said experiences seem to run a little bit deeper than the average encounter with something spooky. But...when it comes to these larger factions, they're a bit more difficult. I've divided them into three types in order to explain them better. Cults, families, and positions. Let's start with the cults, namely The Divine Host and The Lightless Flame. I'm...going to exclude The Other Circus for the time being, as while it does seem like they're going to be relevant very soon, we...really don't know that much about its members beyond Gregor Orsinov, Breekon and Hope, nor do we know how exactly it's structured, how it recruits, or...really have any idea on the backgrounds of most of its members and associates. Hell, most servants of The Stranger are questionable in their humanity, which I understand is probably intentional, but...it does make it possible that, while almost certainly still a cult of some kind...The Other Circus could be a bit different from the....other two. I...did not intend to make that pun but I guess we just have to live with it.

Uh...anyways, the other two seem very similar in nature, so...I'm going to assume that they have similar methods of getting people to join their ranks, and therefore get claimed by ✨the horrors✨ in the process. We have no idea how these groups were founded, hell, The Cult of The Lightless Flame has no known leader at the moment, and the best we have is that...Agnes was pretty relevant to their machinations, but...we can make some good guesses on their recruitment methods. With The Divine Host, we have a clearcut example of someone joining their ranks in Natalie Ennis. She became a servant of their patron after joining them, showing that they have...some way of getting people claimed. I don't exactly know...why they chose Natalie specifically, I get that she was a vulnerable person with a recently shaken faith, and therefore easy to pray on, but like...did she just happen to be the nearest potential recruit, or was there some greater meaning to it? I'm not really sure, but...hey, we at the very least have a decent idea of how The Divine Host gets people...kind of. Now, as for The Lightless Flame, we don't have a super clear example of how they recruit people, but...I'm guessing that Agnes was likely recruited after the destruction of Hill Top Road. Yes, I know that she was likely there to deal with Raymond, but...that could easily be explained as just...the nature of servants of Asag, not just members of the cult. Remember, Mike Crew serves The Vast, but he doesn't seem to be a Fairchild, so...yeah, I think you can still serve one of ✨the horrors✨ without being in an organized group of other servants, and...maybe a rivalry with The Spider is just a thing that all of the fire people have. Also, I know that The Lightless Flame is evil, children aren't safe in tma, and Agnes was pretty powerful even in youth, but...do you seriously think that this cult which is serving a provably real force would recruit a ten-year-old girl? Sure, Rayner seemingly tried to possess Callum Brodie, but that's different from literally having a child among your ranks. And no, I don't think that Agnes was possessed by The Lightless Flame leader, because not only is that way too much of a reach given what information we have, but it's also implied that she entirely wasn't happy with her position, which...makes me doubt that she was the founder and/or leader to begin with. She seems much more like a high-ranking member who wished for some sort of escape, but likely couldn't because...if The Montauk Family is anything to go off of...escaping a group that serves ✨the horrors✨ is no easy feat. And finally, I know that the way Agnes aged is...questionable, and you wouldn't be entirely wrong if you proposed the idea that she's like...a 600 year-old fire demon who took on the shape of a young girl while at Hill Top Road, but...Anna Kasuma's talk about the house's history is enough to make me believe that she aged naturally up until a point. Plus, her lifespan seemed directly tied to the house, since she basically started dying when Ivo Lensik tore down the tree, so...yeah. Ok, that was...a LOT or rambling, but my point is...Agnes likely served The Lightless Flame before the cult recruited her, and...that means that they're probably ok with recruiting anyone who was claimed before meeting them.

Now...despite the way I've formatted this kind of suggesting otherwise, let it be known that I am not trying to suggest a distinction between these two cults. I have no reason to suspect that The Divine Host hasn't recruited people who met their patron before they met the church, nor do I think that The Cult of The Lightless Flame doesn't have some way of getting people claimed upon recruitment. My goal here is just to show two ways that the cults in tma recruit people, therefore turning them into servants of ✨the horrors✨, while also showing how that's interestingly different from people who get claimed on their own and never become a part of any organized group. It...just so happens that we have very little clear cut examples of how these cults claim people, and the examples we do have come from separate groups. But the main point is...cults in tma either seek out people who were already claimed, or seek out normal people and THEN get them claimed. And....while I still can't say this for certain, I have no reason to assume that The Other Circus doesn't operate in a similar manner. ...Man, talking about this reminded me about how much I love Agnes....it's a crime and shame she's dead. Anyways, the second kind of....uh...fuck, what term do I use? Uh...I guess I'll just call them "horror groups". Yeah, the second kind of horror group I want to discuss are the families. Basically, the bloodlines that seem to serve ✨the horrors✨. Oh, uh...I guess I should just say that...I think Maggie and Gordon fall somewhere in between families and the next type of horror group I'm going to discuss, having a blood relation, but also a succession of position. Just understand that...this classification I'm using isn't something that I actually think exists in tma, rather, it's just a system I'm using so I can better explain my thoughts and differentiate the horror groups. All of these groups, no matter how intertwined they get with each other on a plot level, are...kind of their own things at the end of the day, and specific ones can...borrow attributes from others in a lot of cases. Anyways, if memory serves correctly there have been four horror families so far, although...I think most of the details that are relevant to this examination can be gleaned from the Keay Family, with everything else just being trends that are common among them. With the Haan Family...there's like three confirmed members at the moment, and they don't really have anything glaringly different from the others outside of the power they worship. That's...kind of a common trend among all four of these families in all honesty, at the moment they aren't that different aside from what they worship and their...less paranormal occupations, and I'm only focusing on the Keay Family because we know them...arguably the best. Uh...anyways, as for the Fairchilds and Lukases, well...we can't actually say for certain that they're blood related. I don't know if I've ever actually mentioned this in a post before, but...I've always kind of thought that based on the way they present, they could be something akin to the Mansons, a cult that only uses the "family" moniker for aesthetics and manipulation purposes. Well, er...really only based on how the Lukases present, it...also doesn't help that we don't really know any Fairchilds other than Simon, and we only assume that they all worship The Vast due to their jobs fitting the vibe. But like...I really don't have too much of a reason to not think of them as genuine families, other than superstitions....and also the fact that it's a little silly that servants of isolation incarnate have so many god damn kids, but overall...I think it's fine to lump them in with the Keay and Haan families.

Anyways, how exactly do I think members of these families get claimed? Well...despite all of that buildup, it seems pretty simple. I initially assumed that the existence of families that worship ✨the horrors✨ implied that like...you could pass down those abilities and connections through blood alone. And...that could've easily sent me down a really mind-boggling rabbit hole, but thankfully, I don't think this anymore, and it's mostly because of Mary Keay, and...likely Evan Lukas, even though we don't know as much about him. The Keay Family has seemingly worshipped The Eye for a long time, but Mary was able to break away from its influence. Sure, she's still somewhat involved with it, but she's also involved with many others among ✨the horrors✨, and this time it's out of her own choice. It's...a little bit interesting to me that Gerard seems to maintain that familial servitude towards The Eye though. Like, we know that he doesn't have the best relationship of all time with Mary, but it's actually pretty unclear how much she was a part of his life to begin with, so...maybe he was raised by another, more devoted member of the family? Maybe his dad if he even had one, although...his dad would supposedly be from a different bloodline that likely didn't worship The Eye, so...I can't be too sure in all honesty. But if he wasn't raised by a more pious family member...that kind of implies he brought the connection to The Eye back himself. And like...I get that Mary is terrible in her own right, and I get that familial culture is very important to a lot of people...but when your culture is worship of an eldritch monster...I don't know, it might be worth considering otherwise. Uh...anyways, Evan Lukas also seems to be an example of someone who broke away, as unlike his isolating family, he was a very sociable man. Granted...even though his death was supposedly ordinary liver failure...I am a little suspicious as to if he ever truly got away without repercussion, especially with how cold and emotionless his family seemed at his funeral. Anyways, I've gotten pretty sidetracked, but the point is that connections to ✨the horrors✨...likely cannot be passed down genetically, as members of these families are shown to be able to get away, even if some can do so more easily than others. And obviously, we don't have examples of this phenomenon for the Haans and the Fairchilds, but...they're so similar in nature to the Keays and Lukases that I'm inclined to believe that they can do the same. Hell, the Fairchilds and Lukases literally worked together on Daedalus so...yeah. Anyways, this all makes me think that...the families aren't all that different from the cults in all honesty. The only major difference is that rather than go scouting for anyone they can make use of, their members are supposedly composed of only their own blood, and they likely attempt to indoctrinate them at an...unfortunately young age. This makes me inclined to equate the families to real-world religious families, where the religion is often passed down from generation to generation, and...in the more toxic religious households (which I do believe are what these families are meant to represent), it can be seen as a massive betrayal if you go against the faith.

And uh...on that note, there is one other thing about these families that interests me. Going back to Mary and Evan for a second...I feel like they might imply that it's easier to break away from the families than the cults. Which I understand probably isn't that true to real world cults and real world religious households, I personally wouldn't know, but...from what I've heard I think it's pretty hard to break away from the latter, and...the former is often a matter of how they've sunken their claws into you. But like...in the case of tma, think about it. Mary seems to have betrayed her family with no reprocussions, Evan...is a bit of a mystery, but for all we know his death was just a normal tragedy, but...then you have the Montauk Family, who betrayed The Divine Host and suffered everything because of it. So...yeah, maybe it's easier to break away from the families than it is the cults. Well...that's about it for them, they uh...they basically indoctrinate their young into eldritch religions. That's...kind of all I have to say on them. But finally...we have the positions. This is the other category I think Maggie and Gordon fall into alongside their likely blood relation, basically....titles that are passed down among different people. And as of now, the only other examples we have of this both happen to come from The Magnus Institute itself, and...one of those examples is admittedly purely speculative at the moment. Let's start with the non-speculative one, which is of course...The Archivist. And...truth be told, I don't have too much to say that hasn't been said already, outside of one thing which I'll get to in a second. Basically...it's a job position that has been held by Jon, Gertrude, and many others dating back to at least The Serapeum of Alexandria, and anyone who holds the position seems to get immediately claimed by The Eye, and for some unexplained reason that matters. A LOT. We...kind of know all of that. However...all of that talk about people breaking away from their planned patrons made me realize something. That...might actually be possible with The Archivists, despite how intertwined they seem to be with their position. Now, keep in mind, I am not outright stating that I think Jon will break away from his position. It's certainly not impossible, but...just understand that I think this because of how Gertrude acts as The Archivist. And...Gertrude was clearly quite an exceptional person, and many people, including Leitner who is...basically the closest thing to a sentient lore bible the story has ever given us (I know Elias knows everything but he also tells us nothing most of the time so I don't count him), have stated that Jon is not nearly as powerful as she was. She is...an exception, but even exceptions can prove some interesting possibilities. Because, here's the thing. Gertrude...doesn't act like a servant of The Eye, in fact, she acts much more like its enemy. Which is super weird, because as far as we're concerned, being The Archivist comes packaged with being a servant of The Eye whether you like it or not. Sure, Jon shows that they can get lightly touched by other members of ✨the horrors✨, but...they're always claimed by The Eye. But the thing is...Gertrude doesn't just try to run from her patron, she actively antagonizes it. She blew up the serapeum remains, cut out the eyes from all of her book covers, helped Leitner hide from Elias, has statement deliveries that do not feel quite as grandiose and entrenched in the statement giver's personality as Jon's, and even tried to burn down The Archives in her last hours. Now...I will concede that it is very tempting to say that because of this, along with the fact that unlike Jon, she hasn't shown nearly as many Eye-core traits in her episodes...Gertrude was never The Archivist to begin with. But while that is a very fun idea...I do not have nearly enough evidence to make a proclamation THAT grand at the moment. I'll write it down and make a theory for it if I have the evidence, but for now...I'm not going to run with that.

Rather, I think it's more likely that Gertrude just...found a way to rid herself of her patron through force. It's kind of like what Robert Montauk tried to do by killing members of The Divine Host and driving back the darkness encroaching on his home, but like...on a much grander and likely more successful scale. I...will also admit that, given how she has shown a tendency to destroy things via flames on multiple occasions, and...how pictures of her also showed up in that ritual circle in Scotland, I was...a little bit tempted to say that she was actually serving The Lightless Flame. However, saying that would require me to go with the idea that she wasn't The Archivist and/or a servant of The Eye, which I already said I have no evidence for...or have to go on the assumption that you can get claimed by more than one of ✨the horrors✨, and I just...do not have the time or energy to shake my entire view of this world like that at the moment. I mean, I think the ritual circle implies she was at least connected to The Lightless Flame, but...given how the bottles those pictures were in, you know, set everything on fire, I'm more than happy to interpret that as a sign of an antagonistic relationship between the two, and write Gertrude's arsonist tendencies off as pure coincidence. Then again....The Lightless Flame is against The Spider and The Spider is allied with The Eye...no no, I'm getting ahead of myself. The main point here is that Gertrude found a way to fight back against her supposed patron through force, and maybe even severed herself from it entirely for all we know. And...unless she got this ability from some unknown external apparatus...then that's an innate ability that any Archivist could theoretically gain. Sure, Jon is probably nowhere near Gertrude's power levels at the moment...but nothing's saying that he can't get there eventually, and therefore possibly sever his connection to The Eye. I just...I don't know, it's an interesting possibility. Oh, I...probably should have said this earlier, but I guess I'll just mention it now. I...have absolutely no clue how you attatch one of ✨the horrors✨ to a job title. Like...no clue, and I think I'm just ging to wait for more clues to come rather than make a bunch of baseless speculations right now. Just....wanted to clear that up. Um...anyways, there is one more hereditary position I have to discuss, and...truth be told, I don't have much to say about how it functions, mostly due to a lack of information. Rather...I just want to prove that it's a hereditary position in the first place. Because...yeah, I think that the connection to The Eye is something passed along to each institute head, and it's not just a trait of Elias. I don't really think that's much of a hot take, but...I've never really discussed it before so I might as well do so now. Firstly...I mean, in the same way as The Archivist, being the head of the institute is just...generally an inherited position. If the head dies, retires, or is for whatever reason is unable to continue their jon...someone replaces them, that's common knowledge and true amongst most businesses. But as for the idea that all institute heads have served The Eye...that's a bit more tricky, but I have plenty of reasons to suspect it. Firstly...Jonah Magnus was kind of a weirdo! Like, we know next to nothing about him at the moment, but like...he supposedly built the institute over the remains of Millbank despite his knowledge of Smirke's creepy architecture, got his hands on an Oregon Trail journal with paranormal properties...somehow, and most damning of all is the fact that he and his institute have historical connections to an Eye worshipping family that persisted for centuries. That's...just inherently kind of weird. I mean, the Keay Family worked at the institute in times before Elias took control, so...at the very least, the institute has had some sort of connection to The Eye before him.

There's also the fact that while "The Magnus Institute" has only existed since 1818...The Eye's Archves have existed since The Serapeum of Alexandria, and subsequnetly, so has The Eye's Archivist. That...kind of makes me wonder if rather than it's own, orginal thing, "The Magnus Institute" is...just a rebrand for what could broadly be refferred to as "The Cult of The Eye". Like, you know how The Divine Host supposedly disbanded in the mid-90s, but is still around underneath either a different name or no name at all, and supposedly had an ancient itteration known as "Those Who Sing the Night"? Yeah...I kind of wonder if The Eye has a similar thing going on. Maybe just as the archives in the serapeum are an older itteration of the archives in the institute, The Serapeum of Alexandria as a whole is an older itteration of The Magnus Institute...as a whole! Which...yes, would be greatly twisting real-world history, but like...it's not like tma hasn't done that before, and...we literally have a character who is the living embodiment of unreality, so...get real, you hypothetical contrarian. But maybe Jonah, while still the first head of the institute, wasn't the first head of...uh...[INSERT PLACE OF ACADEMIA THAT SERVES THE EYE HERE]. But...ok, I might've proved that the institute has had a connection to The Eye since it's inception, and that The Eye has been possessing multiple places of academia all throughout history, but...how does that prove that the head being an Eye servant is also hereditary? Well...simply put, Elias is always in complete control of everything, arguably more than real CEOs or real businesses, and the similarities between him and The Eye look like they run so deep that...I feel like the head kind of represents the institute as a whole. The archives seem like the beating heart, the most important thing to Elias and The Eye's machinations, but...Elias himself is the brain. Literally nothing evades his sight, the institute and everyone inside it are both being treated like his pet project, unlike The Archivists he seems to serve it out of his own will, and everything The Eye seems to want is also what he wants. It's just...like, yeah, I don't know that much about Elias. I don't really know what he's planning, what he wants, where he's coming from, really nothing beyond his personality and the sheer terror his presence evokes. But what I do know is that The Eye has always been here...and he is just way too connected to it, way too similar to it for me to not think that something's up with him. And when you combine it with the weirdness of the institute's founder...yeah, I think the head of the place is, much like The Archivist, a position that comes with some dark, dark power. Ok...wow, I just put a lot of mental energy into something that probably isn't that out of pocket, and I probably overcomplicated things in a way that made my arguments come off as really half-baked, but...there you go. A thorough as mentally possible examination of the cults, families and positions of tma, how they lead to people getting claimed by ✨the horrors✨, and their...general nature on a lot of fronts. Does this really tell us anything big about the relationship between Margaret Carnegie and Gordon Goodman, or the entire statement of Adrian Weiss? No, not really. Like I said, I think that Maggie and Gordon's relationship is somewhere in-between a family and position being passed down, but uh...yeah, this whole thing doesn't tell us much more about them. Rather, I think it's more accurate to say that Maggie and Gordon were...a catalyst for a larger discussion. They just got me thinking about all of these organized groups of weirdos and how they function in a time when I otherwise wouldn't have, and I just thought...."you know what? There's no time like the present." And..I uh...I wrote all this. It's just...kind of a collection of information that I hope to make use of going forward, and...even though it is overall barely connected to the actual episode I'm supposed to be talking about...I hope you enjoyed it regardless!

But...I should probably get back to the actual episode now, specifically...the stuff that happens after the statement. And oh boy, it is...quite the doozy. So...here we go. Ok, so I said I was going to mention Martin's...weird reaction to finishing the statement, that of course being his exasperated and...kind of terrified breaths. Now, this is actually pretty in character for him. Despite how well he's been taking all of the general stress recently...I'd still argue that he has a slightly weaker stomach for the paranormal than Jon (except for when it comes to spiders for SOME REASON....god I hate how similar I am to Season 2 Jon a lot of the time), and this statement also just so happens to deal with the member of ✨the horrors✨ that spent half of Season 1 terrorizing him, but...you should know at this point that I'm in an era where every little oddity that relates to reading statements is especially suspicious to me. And...I feel like this is meant to show us that, no matter who you are...reading someone else's statement can put you in a bit of a trance, explaining why Martin was...presunably emulating Adrian's voice, like I said it's a bit hard to tell at the moment how far he'll go when voicing statement givers, and also why he's acting as if he just broke out of some sort of zone. He might not have all of the traits of The Archivists just because he's filling in, like...please keep that in mind for later, but this is further proof that there's something weird about the statements themselves, not just how people read them. Regardless, just as he's about to finish his follow-up, he notices...someone outside. A...very notable someone. That's right, it's the one, the only....MELANIE KING!!! SHE'S NOT DEAD!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!! I mean...she's not doing great all things considered, and like...some pretty freaky stuff involving her is minutes away from happening...BUT WHO CARES?! I'm super happy that she's come back for Season 3, like...I know that it's only been eight episodes since her last appearance, but that was like two months for me, so I've been getting more and more worried for her life by the day, so...phew. Crisis averted. Anyways, before I get into the following conversation, I wanted to point out how Martin initially mistakes her for Helen Richardson. That shows that they haven't forgotten about her...which does admittedly make me wonder if I was wrong when I said I didn't think she was the woman in the backrooms. I mean, my main argument against the idea was that she was feeling hunger, fatigue and dehydration, implying that you could just die over time in there, but...then again, it's kind of implied that time doesn't work entirely normal inside there, and...Michael does seem to have a penchant for causing feelings such as fatigue, if the episode of the same name is anything to go on, so...who knows, she might very well still be alive. I'll...keep her in mind just in case, but I still feel like it could easily be someone else inside there. Anyways, Martin notices that Melanie doesn't look all that good, and she uh...well, she responds with...uh...you know what, I'll just quote it. She "Got shot. Sort of. In India.". ....WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! I JUST....WHAT?! WHAT?! "GOT SHOT, SORT OF?!" HOW DO YOU "SORT OF" GET SHOT?! DOES IT HAVE SOMETHING DO DO WITH THE WAR GHOSTS?! THE PIPER?! DID SHE GET EVEN MORE MARKED BY IT?! I just...oh god. Uh...I unfortunately don't have that much to say about this beyond my sheer confusion, as we don't really get much additional context on the matter, but...that HAS to be something that gets addressed later on. Like...we NEED that third Melanie statement eventually, because...there is not a chance in hell they aren't addressing this after all of that buildup. Anyways, Melanie returned from Amritsar to give a statement to Jon about...whatever the hell happened to her, but...since our beloved archivist obviously isn't here at the moment, Martin offers to take her statement instead, much to her understandable confusion.

Regardless, she agrees to come inside...what I'm guessing is Jon's office that's currently being occupied by Martin? Anyways, when she does....something REALLY weird happens. She just....completely fails to give a statement, instead opting to ask about where Jon is after a couple of stammers and stutters. That is...really weird to me. So...I'm sure you're aware that I've talked about how weird I find it that nearly everyone is able to recount their experiences in such detail, as like...the general populace aren't that good at writing. Sure, I was content to write it off as a suspension of disbelief needed to allow the writing to stay good, but as time has gone on and the podcast's format has become more and more apparently strange...I cannot help but feel suspicious of it. And in my opinion...this little detail of Melanie failing to give her statement is meant to show us what happens when Jon isn't around to take statements, showing us that The Archivist is directly tied to the ability to get perfectly recounted statements, especially given how this whole interaction between her and Martin is meant to emphasize how Jon's absence is affecting the place and the people within. Now yes, I will concede that it's not inherently out of character for Melanie to fail giving a statement here, she is very clearly confused by Jon's absence and probably not in the most calm state after getting sort of shot. If it wasn't for my prior suspicions, I wouldn't read into this at all. But...let's remember that we have had statement givers in much worse mental states and much more stressful situations before, and they've been able to recount their stories perfectly fine. Funnily enough, Helen Richardson is a prime example of this, she was having the second worst time of her life behind actually being stuck in the backrooms, yet still told what happened with nearly perfect prose. Hell, even people like Jane and Lydia Halligan, people who were in horrible states of mental decay, probably gave more coherent statements than whatever Melanie tried to do here. Sure, they were a lot more vague and poetic, more reflections of their mind than actual stories, but they still had overall better flow. And yes, I understand that this is just a single line of dialogue, but like...come on! After everything else that's happened regarding this matter of statement recollection...I have to bring attention to this, it's just way too damn suspicious to me. I...really hope that someone else tries to give Martin a statement in person sooner rather than later, because that could really help to confirm my suspicions. But for now...yeah, I'm going to keep a very close eye on this detail (THE JOKE WAS UNINTENTIONAL I SWEAR TO GOD), and I feel pretty safe in saying that, provided these perfect recollections are more than just the way the show is written, then...they are definitely reliant on the presence of The Archivist. Well...disregarding that for now, Melanie goes on to ask about Jon's absence, and a conversation between her and Martin ensues as he gives her the details. It was nice to see that Melanie's actually on Martin's side in not thinking that Jon could murder someone. Granted, it does seem to be for very different reasons, I feel like Martin has genuine faith in Jon being an overall good person due to their relatively decent connection to each other (and also his crush but he would never admit it), while Melanie just seems to think that he doesn't give off that energy, even though she does kind of hate him as a general person and thinks he's insane, even lightly poking fun at the idea of him snapping being inevitable. But still...I'll take anything if it means someone being on Martin's side for once, even if it comes with some conflicting opinions.

I will say though...Melanie mistaking the metal pipe for a smoking pipe was comedy gold, both because the idea of using that as a method of murder is somehow funnier than an eldritch monster using a lethal weapon of human design, and also because Jon going for a smoke...did technically lead to Leitner's death in a roundabout way. I also found it funny how when the topic of Sasha came up she just...completely noped out of talking about her after what happened with Jon last time...although it is once again a tragic reminder about what happened, and how Martin and Tim still don't know about it. Which...I guess might potentially be resolved earlier than expected if the blanks get filled in for Melanie, but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself there. Anyways, Melanie goes on to express frustration at just...her general predicament. All of her friends have left her behind, she apparently has no money, and is at a complete dead end in terms of the investigations that kept her going, implying that her trip to Amritsar was..unfortunately filled with more instances of sort of getting shot than answers. Yes, that is indeed going to become a running gag throughout these posts whenever possible, for some reason I just find it very funny. But not only is this a pretty sympathetic struggle...but I actually find that last part very interesting when you remember that Melanie parallels Jon just as much as she foils him, especially when in regards to their never-ending search for the truth. I felt like her dialogue here kind of implied that...I don't know, her investigations into those war ghosts was the last thing that kept her going? Like, at a point in her life where she felt like she had nowhere to go, those investigations acted as a distraction of sorts, the one thing that kept her from breaking, and...given the nature of her prior career, maybe Ghost Hunt UK also fulfilled a similar role for her, even if to a lesser extent given the presence of friends and money at the time. Which...admittedly makes me want to know more about her past prior to Skintight, but I'm getting ahead of myself there. But the point is, all of this really reminded me of the last episode, where it felt like Georgie was kind of likening Jon's constant search for knowledge to a drug addiction, so...also something keeping him going in a rough time where he's also bereft of friends and a job. ...I am trying so hard not to ramble about the lore implications of the drug addiction allegory a second time you have no idea. But yeah, the basic point I'm trying to make is that this is another great example of how Jon and Melanie parallel each other, and it's just...MAN I LOVE THIS DYNAMIC SO MUCH!!! Having themes like this to begin with is already one thing, but having them strengthen the narrative and change the way I perceive the characters involved and their relationship with one another to THIS degree...it's genuinely fantastic, and I'm super glad that they're allowing the parallels to continue growing and flourishing with Melanie's return, and it also makes me even more curious to see where both her and Jon will end up in the end. Regardless, Martin tries to offer her comfort after hearing this, which is genuinely really sweet of him. Like, despite how fundamentally different these two are in a lot of ways...I don't know, I kind of get the feeling that Melanie's newfound larger role in the narrative could lead to a really fun dynamic between the two of them, just one scene together and they're already bouncing off one another greatly. But uh...mentioning Melanie's larger presence...I guess we should get to the bit that is both really exciting...and horrifically unsettling.

So...unfortunately it could not be avoided for long. As just as Martin's about to offer some comfort, the archives are graced by the one and only Elias Stoner Bouchard, who definitely did not know that Melanie was in the building at all. He comes in to introduce himself to her, and...SOMEHOW recognizes her as the person who ran Ghost Hunt UK, much to Martin's understandable disbelief. You see, this is the thing that pisses me off the most about this sexy-ass murderer man. Take a look at Jon. He goes out of his way to hate-watch Melanie's show, spending however long those episodes are to thoroughly decipher everything he hates about them, and then probably writes long-ass pretentious hate comments under an alias. Elias on the other hand...he just KNOWS. He doesn't have to put in the time and effort to watch her show, he just gets that information handed to him on a silver platter. God...he really is an academic CEO. Maybe take some time to enjoy art for once in your life you undergraudate heathen! *spits on him*. Oh my god...I just realized that him being a shitty student makes perfect sense now. He doesn't need a good degree because he just supernaturally knows everything. If that was intentional...that is amazing foreshadowing. Oh, um....I guess I should probably mention my thoughts on how Elias was portrayed here, since I expressed my worries about how that would go a while ago. And my verdict is....he was done...pretty well. I think I was a bit more pessimistic at first, and felt like he was being portrayed as much more evil than he should be in front of people like Martin and Melanie, but...I kind of realized that a lot of those feelings come from just...the external audience knowledge of him being bad news. Like, if I was Melanie in this situation, I probably wouldn't be all that suspicious of him. I do admittedly think that there are some lines that...just teeter on the edge of being a bit too villainous for the situation, and I did feel like he was a bit too ominous towards Martin for my liking, but...then again, it has been pretty well established through how he treated Leitner and Daisy that Elias is...pretty damn ruthless, even against the most minor inconveniences. Like, this is the kind of guy who would pull out a chainsaw on a fly, so it's not too out of character for him to act like this towards Martin...even if it plays into some pet peeves of mine that persist throughout fiction as a concept. But at the end of the day...can I really complain that much? Like, yeah, he's not the most subtle villain of all time and the shift from boring manager to maniacal supervillain is a bit polarizing, but...he is ultimately a hundred times more interesting, endearing, and entertaining than he ever was in the first two seasons, and even if it's not exactly what i expected out of his character, I would much rather have that over the...more realistic but much less interesting Elias of old. So like...yeah, it doesn't really bother me that much, I'm just pointing it out because...I otherwise have so little negatives with this character. I mean, in terms of writing, as a person he's a stinky bastard man who we should all throw wrenches at. Anyways, getting back to the plot, Elias makes some kind of passive aggressive comments at Melanie, which I genuinely love. Like...not even her supposed relevance to his scheme is enough to stop him from shitting on her show, which on a more unironic note, just goes to show that...he doesn't really need to be all that subtle, because he can easily get what he wants with his powers alone, and that...kind of gives me a new appreciation for the shift in portrayal between seasons. Also, I think it would be funny if it turned out that Melanie's show was just...genuinely shit. Like, I doubt it, since she feels like someone we're supposed to root for a lot more wholeheartedly than the more questionable Jon and downright malicious Elias, but...it would be a funny revelation at the same time.

Anyways, Martin...kind of seems to catch on to what's happening, doing his best to get Melanie to leave as swiftly as possible, but unfortunately...Elias is just a bit too persuasive. Because just as she's about to leave...Elias makes her a quick offer. Supposedly recognizing her talent and mentioning the recent loss of an assistant...he...he offers her a job. Oh. No. Oh no no no no no no no no no no. I mean...also yes, but like...there's a lot of no to go around as well. So..I'll get into what her acceptance of this position might mean in a little bit, but for now...I want to talk about why Elias made this offer to begin with. Now, I don't think the reasons he says are outright lies on his part. I do actually think that Melanie's experience in paranormal investigation and the recently vacant position for an archival assistant are reasons as to why he's recruiting her...but even those have their own weird connotations. Firstly, her prior experience with the paranormal hasn't just given her some regular job qualifications...it's also left her heavily touched by one of ✨the horrors✨ on at least two, and most likely three seperate occasions, which he is almost certainly aware of. Sure, she wasn't touched by The Eye...but then again, neither was Jon, and it's not impossible for The Eye to be aligned with The Piper in some sort of way that benefits Elias' goals. I mean...he did murder with a "pipe"...just saying. A similar thing goes for the argument of the vacancy, because...not only do we not know why he needs archival assistants to begin with, other than doing their regular jobs, but...we also don't know what's up with the number of "three" specifically. Like, it just hit me, but...is it not a little bit strange that Elias is only offering this job to Melanie after Not!Sasha's been dealt with, even though she was a servant of his enemy, and he was aware of that? Is it not weird that Gertrude apparently had the exact same number of assistants? Like...I don't know, I feel like a specific number of three assistants should be seen as kind of relevant. But even outside of all of that, there's the fact that he's taking advantage of someone's vulnerable position, jobless status and naiveté, how he's offering the job to the one person aside from Jon and himself who knows the truth about Not!Sasha, and...also how he wants someone with way too many similarities to his dearly coveted Archivist, which includes that never-ending desire for knowledge that The Eye seems particularly fond of. Like...there are just way too many suspicious things that come with this offer of his, and while the podcast isn't subtle about the nature of his request...finding out what exactly he wants out of her is quite the tricky and unsettling endeavor. But...moving forward, Martin continues to try and find ways to prevent her from accepting the job, bringing up her lack of formal qualifications, to which Elias makes a rather snide comeback that is clearly referring to the lies on his resumé. But...while this initially seems like nothing more than a comedic callback, it made me realize that...Elias knows Martin lied on his CV. Which is on one hand hilarious, but on the other hand it makes me wonder...if Elias knows that Martin doesn't have any actual qualifications for his job, then...why did he hire him? Because like, as currently curious as I am about his motivations for hiring Melanie, I am just as curious as to why he hired Martin, Tim, and even Sasha, although...in her case it's kind of a toss-up as to whether or not we'll ever get any answers on her reasons, so..I'd be willing to write it off as he joining out of her own interest in the paranormal, even if that's a little sad. But like, in the case of Martin and Tim...why? What is it that makes him want to hire them? Sure, we don't know much about their past, and what we do have doesn't point to anything paranormal, but...that just makes things even more confusing! Just...WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ALL OF THESE GAY PEOPLE YOU OLD FART?!

Well, anyways...getting back on track, Melanie...fortunately for me and Elias, unfortunately for everyone else including herself, and despite her previous misgivings towards the institute and the archives...takes the job offer in a desperate situation, completely unaware of what's to come. Interestingly, we hear a static noise play when she accepts the faustian barga-I mean job offer, and it just so happens to be the exact same noise that played when Tim became aware of his inability to quit back in my dearly beloved Binary. I think this proves that this noise is the respective static meant to represent The Eye, and it likely plays whenever The Eye is exerting its power over someone. In Binary, we were likely hearing it preventing Tim from quitting and Jon from firing him, but here, we're likely hearing it turning its gaze upon Melanie, which...yep, basically means that she has been touched by yet another one of ✨the horrors✨. ...Great. Damn...someone in the Youtube comments pointed this out, but...it kind of just feels like she's been doomed from the start. Like, ever since her encounter with Sarah Baldwin, or arguably ever since she started investigating the paranormal, this has been...unfortunately kind of inevitable, especially given Elias' sheer power. Just...it really does feel like unless you don't give a shit, you're screwed on arrival. Martin fails on one last desperate attempt to get her to stop what she's doing...and she follows Elias into his office in order to sign some completely normal paperwork. The episode ends with Martin making frustrated sounds as he realizes his inability to save Melanie, and the recorder clicks off. I think this is a good tell of where he is right now and likely where he's headed. Thanks to Tim he knows that you literally cannot quit a job at the institute, and thanks to...well, basically everything that's been happening since early 2016, he knows that joining the place just puts you in innate danger. But...I think this whole exchange is likely his first big look at just how...not-so-nice Elias is, how he's more intertwined with the institute's less desirable aspects than he'd like to believe. Like...I don't know, I don't think Elias can keep up his charade for much longer, but...then again, it's debatable whether he even needs to anymore in the first place. So uh...yeah. Melanie's...an archival assistant now. I...certainly have some mixed feelings on this, as you can probably tell. On a level of personal enjoyment...I mean, this is absolutely perfect for me, it goes beyond what I ever could've asked for and then some. I've always really enjoyed Melanie's character despite her limited appearances, so having her officially become a main cast member, getting a basic guarantee that she'll play a significant role going forward...it's an absolute dream come true! I'm super excited to see how she'll affect the narrative going forward, how she'll interact with other characters, what her arc will be like, what more we might learn about her, and I'm also glad to see the absence of a female main character being filled back in so quickly (I do know that Georgie arguably fills in that role as well, but it's a lot harder to gauge how much she'll be around at the moment than with Melanie). But on a more moral level...holy shit this is terrifying. Like...the poor woman has no idea what she's getting herself into, and I mean...let's be real, being in tma is just an inherently bad thing for someone to go through, no one in this story is both a good person and having a good time. So...yeah, in short, I'm really happy that she's not only alive but a main character now, and I'm super excited to see where this leads, but...may ✨the horrors✨ have mercy on her soul. Just...Christ on a bike Elias, I know you're the bad guy but I need you to explain yourself sooner or later because if you don't...I might actually just explode. Just...man. England really is hell.

So uh...yeah, that's Possessive. Overall, another fantastic episode.. It had a really creepy and wonderfully disgusting statement with some pretty neat intrigue and mysteries, led me to some fascinating places in ways I didn't expect, and most of all...it really pushed things forward in terms of the overarching narrative. Stuff like Martin reading statements, the ever-bewildering behavior of Elias, and of course...the introduction of Melanie into the main cast are all really exciting and interesting to me, and...yeah, I'm just getting really pumped! Although, if I had to nitpick...I do kind of hope that we get some big, showstopping statement in the not-too distant future, or really...just an episode where the statement feels like the highlight. Sure, that was the case with A Guest for Mr. Spider, and...arguably The Eyewitnesses as well, but both of those statements are very different from what we usually get, I'm referring to the more standard statements. Because like...I'm extremely happy that tma's overarching plot is making more progress and becoming more prevalent, and the statements haven't decreased in writing quality or enjoyability to listen to at all...but like...given how they're the bulk of the episode, I hope we don't forsake them too much for the sake of the overarching plot, at least at this point in time. I understand that this is probably a very irrational fear of mine, and maybe even a little bit contradictory to my previous wises, but...I don't know, just having the odd episode where the statement is the thing I have the most to say about would be very appreciated, and could also provide some balance between the episodes that focus on the overarching story. because..neither this nor Drawing a Blank have quite given me that feeling. It's certainly not unfun to write about them, but...when compared to both the fun I used to have writing about statements, and the fun I'm currently having writing about the overarching plot...it's just a little bit lower than preferred for me at the moment. Granted, I think the fact that I'm currently not able to listen to episodes or write on a frequent basis...doesn't exactly help things, and has kind of skewed my perception of time when it comes to these episodes, but...my basic point is that I hope that not too far from now we'll get...a statement that is a mostly standaone thing, but still great and really interesting in its own right. Not neccesarily as good as Binary since that's a very high bar, but like...with the same sort of charm as Binary, if you know what I mean. Once again, this is...overall extremely nitpicky, it's still early days for Season 3, and I'm still having a phenomenal time listening to these episodes and writing about them, but...yeah, I just felt like I should get those feelings out just in case. I do also want to note that...Season 3 kind of feels like a finale season in a way so far? Like, it very clearly isn't, but...I don't know, with all of these minor pieces becoming more important, the overarching plot taking more of a center stage, and long standing mysteries like Jon's past, the nature of ✨the horrors✨, and...whatever The Unknowing is finally getting on their way to being cleared up...it just makes me very curious as to what they plan to do for Seasons 4 and 5, and how they plan to build those up going forward. Like, I don't fear that they'll be boring or tacked on at all, I think there's still so many unresolved plot threads that Season 3 can't possibly hope to address in a 40-episode run, but like...I don't know, maybe the end of Season 3, or...hell, even the mid-season finale given how it's also the mid-show finale could mark some sort of big shift in the story. Maybe...even bigger than what Season 2's finale did, which...kind of scares me. A lot. Well...I'm starting to ramble now, and it's also past midnight, so...I'm probably going to nod off now. This was a great time, I once again give you thanks for reading this far, and I hope to god that Melanie isn't traumatized by morning.

Supplemental: Oh god...not even halfway done and I'm already nearing the length of the last post. I uh...I don't really have that much to say regarding the podcast itself here, but uh...I did want to just say that I was actually in Oxford last weekend, and...I decided to pay a visit to a rather important place. It was just as spooky as I could reasonably hope it would be. Also, GRANDMA LIKED MY PART ON A GUEST FOR MR. SPIDER LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Well…that’s all she wrote. As for any final thoughts…uh…there’s not too much to say that I didn’t already voice in my post explaining what I plan to do with these going forward honestly. Well…there’s also my thoughts on MAG 85 and MAG 86, but I’ll probably share those another time. All I’ll say for now is that…both of them CERTAINLY fit the bill for that “Binary-like” episode I was looking for…almost a little too well in the former’s case. Oh and uh…on that note, maybe disregard some of that stuff I said about wanting a big showstopper after Drawing a Blank and Possessive? Or at least realize that my actual thoughts are a lot tamer than what I said. Like, while they still aren’t top-tier or ridiculously memorable and unique to me…it’s pretty damn hypocritical of me to start begging for something crazy when I was begging for things to slow down a couple of episodes prior, and it was very late at night when I wrote it, so…yeah, take all of that with a heavy grain of salt please.

I do have some additional lore and plot related thoughts though, both of which I initially planned to fit into my supplemental for MAG 85. Firstly, I mentioned how we don’t really know how The Other Circus might recruit other members, if at all, nor do we know how human most servants of The Stranger are. But…then I remembered that Nikolai Denikin exists, and…that kind of changed things. Given how he had a seemingly normal granddaughter in Leanne, and also died through seemingly normal means (which Leitner kind of implies the more…non-human servants might not be capable of doing when he talks about The NotThem), I think that makes it safe to assume that at some servants of The Stranger are pretty human, (although after listening to MAG 85 I…have some fluctuating thoughts on what qualifies as a human and what doesn’t in tma but uh…once again, for another time) and that The Other Circus may very well have recruitment methods similar to what I assume is going on with The Divine Host and The Lightless Flame.

There was one other thing that came to mind as well. I’ve talked a lot about how I find it really weird that people are able to recount their experiences perfectly in their statements, and how I think it has something to do with Elias, The Institute, The Archives, and/or The Eye, but…then I realized there’s a pretty noticeable outlier to this rule. And that is Trail Rations. This statement was never actually given to the institute, instead it seems like Jonah Magnus just…came across it, and we have no idea how. And yet, it is just as well recounted as any other statement, albeit with some more flowery language due to both the time it was written and Mrs. Carlisle basically being hours away from death by starvation. So…that’s a little bit weird. I still think there’s enough out there to support the idea that the perfect recollection is some kind of weird in-universe phenomenon, I mean…after the whole tape recorders being sentient thing I don’t trust anything or anyone, but…I do kind of wonder if maybe I was wrong about the cause. Like…maybe it’s not the institute that’s responsible for this, but instead ✨the horrors✨ at large, and anyone who’s touched by them gains this ability. But then again…there’s some implications that Jon and likely Gertrude have some weird effect on the statement-givers…and that the statements themselves put people into a trance of some kind…so…maybe The Eye was actually present during Mrs. Carlisle’s journey and I just never noticed. I mean….that would be on brand for this thing that basically seems to see all. Eh…food for thought anyways.

Well uh…that’s all from me! Once again, thank you so so much, from the bottom of my heart for reading all of this, it means everything, and I hope that you’ll be cool with whatever I cook up going forward, even if it’s not as crazy detailed. I’ll make sure to post some of those new-form thoughts when I get the chance. Bye! :)