#would do an ask but i feel like it just needs its own post yknow

[soursturniolo]

Hurtful Words • Nick Sturniolo

Synopsis: Nick and his boyfriend get into a fight the night before leaving for Boston. After some of the harsh words from Nick, his boyfriend is left hurt and uncertain of his place in his boyfriends life.

Pairing: Nick x male reader/character (no y/n but also no other name used, he/him pronouns)

Tags: angst, hurt, a bit of sunshine!reader x grumpy!nick, nick has a panic attack, comfort (happy ending because I guess I'm not 100% evil yet)

Nick had been extremely stressed all day. Nothing was going right, first he woke up late and missed his meeting. Then, he went to edit a video they had prefilmed to post while him, his brothers, and his boyfriend would be in Boston, just to discover the SD card was corrupted and nothing could be salvaged from it. Next, he developed a horrible headache as he was rushing to finish up packing for the flight tomorrow morning. Now, he was getting ready to film a replacement video with his brothers right as his cheerful boyfriend strode into his bedroom. Fuck , Nick thought to himself. He had forgotten his boyfriend was coming this early.

“Hey!” his boyfriend smiled as he made his way over to him, arms open for the usual hug they’d share. Most always, his boyfriends sunny disposition made him smile, but today it just made him irrationally angry.

“Hi,” Nick responds flatly, not meeting his partners eyes as he dodged the hug and affection being offered. If Nick had been looking up he would have seen the look of confusion and concern flash across the other man’s face as his arms lowered to the side upon seeing that Nick clearly didn’t want a hug.

The other man frowns as he takes in Nick’s disheveled appearance, hair sticking up from most likely stressful tugging, a clenched jaw and tense shoulders. Knowing Nick for almost a year now, he knows his boyfriend isn’t one to immediately talk out his feelings, so he doesn’t ask but quickly concludes it must have been quite a rough day for the brunette. Usually in these situations, they’ll cuddle and relax and watch some stupid TV show, so that’s what the man suggests. To which, Nick scoffs.

“I don’t have time to just lay around with you, I need to go do my job, I have so much shit I need to do before tomorrow,” Nick gripes, moving around to grab the camera and SD cards off his desk, stuffing them into a bag to take to the car where he’s sure his brothers are already waiting for him. In packing he’d lost track of time, looking at his phone to see its already 17 minutes past the time they said they’d meet in the garage.

His boyfriend nods in understanding, seeing the obvious stress practically pouring out of every pore of his boyfriend. He reaches out a hand, gently touching Nick’s arm, trying his best to sooth him.

“is there anything I can do to help?” he asks softly.

“Jesus Christ!” Nick exclaims, feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once, like his skin is on fire and every little thing makes his head pound even harder, yaking his arm away from the other man’s touch “yknow what actually, there is. Just leave me the fuck alone for two seconds!”

The man frowns slightly, taking a step back at Nick’s sudden outburst, wrapping his own arms around him, head cooking to the side minutely.

“we’ve been apart all day? I’m just trying to help, I’m sorry sweetheart,” he says softly, trying to give him a soft smile, which just makes Nick scoff and roll his eyes again. A deep frown paints his boyfriends face at the reaction, the man tightening his arms around himself, shoulders hunching in slightly.

“And you come in here all fucking smiles and hugs. you’re just happy all the fucking time. Just this fucking ray of sunshine. Some of us fucking aren’t. Maybe this just wasn’t a good idea.” Nick spits out, his words venom. Part of his brain is yelling at him to shut up seeing the hurt look spreading over his boyfriends face, but the angry voice overshadows that one, just wanting everyone to feel has horrible as he feels.

“What? What isn’t a good idea?” the man asks him, voice small, fearing the answer. Did Nick mean him coming to Boston along with his brothers to finally meet his parents? While he had been nervous about meeting his boyfriends parents at first, in the past few days he had become quite excited. Thinking of meeting his family, his family dog too. He had bought gifts for them all, even a chew toy for Trevor. Even today, the young man had found himself daydreaming at work, thinking of how well it all might go, imagining them all sitting around a table looking at photo albums and smiling as he learns more about the past of the man he so desperately wants a future with.

Nicks quick response has those hopes shattering, along with his heart.

“This. Us. I don’t know. I just need to fucking breathe. I’m leaving to film with Chris and Matt. Bye.” Nick half yells, voice strained as he stalks his way to the door, yanking it open and slamming it shut as he leaves, leaving a tearful man standing in the middle of the room wondering where it all went so wrong.

Nick was distracted the whole entire time they were filming, overcome with guilt and regret. He had been so harsh to his boyfriend, his number one supporter, next to his family of course. Flashes of the other man’s hurt face flicker in his mind, the timid and soft nature he had taken on as Nick raged at him, a shadow of the mans usually bright and bubbly demeanor. Even when he was short with him at first, instead of just leaving, his sweet boyfriend had still apologized and compassionately offered help. And what did Nick do to show his appreciation? Told him callously that maybe them dating had been a bad idea.

That wasn’t true in the slightest. They’d been together 7 months at this point, and it had been some of the happiest months of Nick’s life. He’d experienced a happiness that he never thought he’d get even remotely close to again, and this was how he repaid the man? Throwing his cheerful and sweet nature in his face as if it was something to be ashamed of? It made him sick to his stomach to recall how he’d behaved.

Noticing their brothers distraction, Matt and Chris suggested cutting the video short, under the guise of wanting to get on good nights sleep before their early flight home. The drive home was quick and quiet as Nick thought of all the ways he’d apologize to his sweet boyfriend who had a heart almost too good to be true.

The brothers quickly said goodnight and parted ways, Nick taking the stairs two at a time to get to his room so he could ask for the man’s forgiveness. Upon opening the door, he’s met with disappointment. He had left. Nick knew he shouldn’t be surprised though. As he pulls out his phone to call the man he knew he had hurt, a bag on his bed catches his eye, along with a note. He peaks in the bag, confused upon seeing four boxes wrapped in a plain purple wrapping paper, as he picks up the letter, recognizing the handwriting and feeling his heart clench painfully in his chest as he begins to read.

Nick,

I’m sorry, I never meant to upset you. I know I can be a lot, and I understand if it’s gotten too much to deal with. I was really looking forward to seeing Boston and meeting your family. But it’d be silly for me to tag along now, at this point. I had gotten some things for your parents, Justin, and Trevor. I was hoping you’d maybe give them to them for me?

Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back for my plane ticket if it’s too late to cancel it.

Thank you for the last 7 months, they meant the world to me. You did, too.

Nick feels tears gather in his eyes, beginning to stream down his face as he sits the letter down and quickly scrolls to his contact on his phone.

"please, pick up, pick up, pick up" he mutters, sniffling as he waits and hopes he'll answer. A shred of hope blooms upon hearing his call answered answer, the soft noise of a car engine in the back. Good, maybe his boyfriend hadn't made it home yet.

"baby?" Nick sniffles slightly, voice cracking. He hears the man on the other end of the line sniffle too, and he feels his heart crack a little more. he'd made his sweetheart cry.

"what do you need, nick?" the other man asks softly and tearfully.

"I need you. please turn around, I know you’re still in the car. I'm so sorry," Nick pleads.

"it's okay Nick," he sniffles, "just give those gifts to them, please?" he asks.

"no, I'm not," Nick cries, tears streaming down his face, one hand clutching his hair as the other clutches his phone against his ear, sagging against the wall and sliding down it into a heap on the floor, his chest feeling tighter and tighter.

"okay, I'll get them back from you when you guys get back home," he offers, which just makes Nick cry harder. He really fucked up this time.

"no, no you're supposed to give them to them, I want you to, I want you to turn around and come back here so I can tell you how fucking sorry I am and kiss you and watch a stupid movie with you and then we get up and we go to Boston tomorrow morning and you get to meet my family and see where I'm from and everything and they'll love you and your little gifts and your smile that can light up a room and they'll love you because I love you," he pleads over the phone, desolving into sobs on the phone.

the other man on the line tears up again at the sweet words and obvious remorse, and he wants to respond to them but Nick is spiraling in regret and sadness and he can hear that it's getting harder for him to breathe through his cries.

he turns the car around, beginning to take a shortcut back to the triplets house.

"Nick, I need you to breathe," the man says softly, hearing the loud cries through the speakers of his car.

"No, I'm not Nick, you never call me nick when we're alone, its always Nicky or sweetheart or babe," the brunette sobs, still feeling like his relationship is slipping through his fingers, and it's his own fault.

The man grips his steering wheel a little tighter, driving a little faster.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I just need you to breathe for me, in your nose and out your mouth real slow for me okay? you know that box breathing technique I showed matt a few months ago?" he softly asks Nick.

"Yeah," Nick sniffles, breathing still shaking and disordered.

"Good baby, I'm going to count and I want you to breathe with me okay? I'm almost there but I need you to breathe for me until I get there, okay?" He asks softly.

As he continues to drive, he counts off and listens as Nick breathes with him, slight sniffles still present as he tries to focus on getting his breathing regulated with the knowledge that his boyfriend is coming back.

Nick doesn't even register the sound of his boyfriends car turning off or the sound of him using his house key to get in. his head jerks up to look up from his spot on the floor to see his boyfriend standing in his doorway. He quickly moves from his position on the floor, getting up and launching himself into his boyfriends arms.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean a fucking word I said," he sobs, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend tightly and burrowing his head into his neck, his tears wetting the skin. His boyfriend holds him just as snuggly in his arms, rubbing a soothing hand over his back as the other hand cups the back of his head softly.

"I know, its alright," the man sooths, but the words have an opposite affect on Nick, as the brunette pulls back quickly as he shakes his head.

"It's not alright! I was mean because I had a bad day and my head fucking hurts, and I hurt you. You didn't deserve that. I love you, and I love your personality and how loving and happy you are. It isnt something I or anyone should throw in your face. I should have talked to you, I should have thanked you for wanting to help me. I'm so sorry, ill be better, I'll get better at talking to you and communicating and not just blowing up at you for no reason," Nick sniffles, roughly wiping away his own tears.

"Okay, I forgive you," the other man offers softly, as he gently pulls Nick's hands away from the rough rubbing of his face.

"No! You shouldn't just forgive me, why are you being so nice right now?" Nick objects, confused by his boyfriends behavior as more tears make their way down his face.

The other man smiles softly and sadly, guiding his boyfriend over to the bed and sitting, pulling Nick down to sit right next to him. He gently guides Nicks head to rest on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around the man in a comforting embrace that Nick easily allows himself to be pulled into, the closeness easing the pain and regret in his heart.

"Let me ask you a couple things, okay? Maybe that'll help you understand why I'm forgiving you?" he offers, carding his fingers though Nick's hair softly, as he feels Nick nod and whisper is consent into his shoulder.

"Do you genuinely regret how you treated me?" A quick and firm nod from Nick.

"Do you see how hurtful your misplaced irritation can be?" Another firm nod and squeeze from Nick's arms around him is felt.

"Do you genuinely plan on working on communicating with me and being better in the future so this doesn't happen again?" Another nod and squeeze.

"Do you still love me and want to be with me, and want me to come to Boston with you?" This receives the fastest nod and squeeze of all the questions, making the man smile and turn to press a soft kiss to Nick's head.

"See. You acknowledged and took ownership of what you did wrong, you plan to work on being better, and I know you're genuinely sorry and regret hurting me the way you did. I trust you, so I trust what you say and the fact that this will not happen again. We will deal better the next time," he explains softly to the man in his arms.

"Okay. I promise I'll do better, I love you," Nick hoarsely whispers against his shoulder, cuddling more into the other man's side.

"I know, I love you too," Nick smiles wobbly as he hears those words and feels another kiss pressed against his head. He leans up, softly pressing his lips against the man's jaw, then his cheek, then thr corner of his mouth, smiling when we feels the skin move under his lips into a matching smile. Then, Nick presses their lips together in a soft and gentle kiss, trying to convey all the love and warmth he feels for the man in his embrace. His own ray of sunshine.

author's note: hey! i hope yall enjoyed! if you have any nick requests feel free to send em my way! im slowly but surely getting back into writing and i really want to write more for nick :)

no tag list on this post because I'm getting ready to redo my old tag list since most either aren't active anymore or have new usernames

[choccy-milky]

(SPOILER WARNING to people who haven't read your story) I SWEAR to GOD!!!! This is borderline anon-hate with my current state of mind after finishing The Raven and The Snake over this weekend. I finished it in two days. I'm a mess. I've even started making a playlist because I feel like I can't properly enter reality again. I'm supposed to be writing my bachelors thesis right now,,,, what have you done to me!!!!

I loved it so so so much, and I am very mad I cannot have a collectors edition hardback version of it on my shelf. There are many many moments that keep replaying in my head, and scenes that I saw so vividly when reading through it. The first imperio moment and Sebs shadow and imperio-green eyes as Clora was held captive, and the entire scene in the repository and how I was physically shaking as I slowly realised that Seb had made a fucking horcrux, and when it was CONFIRMED the GASP i GUSPED. It was so perfect, and so very Sebastian; because OF COURSE he made a horcrux (lowkey hot, sue me).

And the scene where Clive realised Seb straight up just died for his daughter without knowing he would be back, oh my dear lord.

And the idea of Seb being seen as a 'Ruffian' and that little mamas boi bitch of a Henry thinking his hand-me-down-riches, muggle ass would be preferable to a powerful wizard. I secretly wished they didn't have to keep magic a secret so Henry could have known just how inferior he was. AND SEB APPARATING SO FAR UMPH the skilllll.

I could go on and on and on, and maybe I will some other time in your inbox when I have another mental breakdown.

And now I'm also almost done with the small sequel. Just taking a break to bombard you with this unhinged message of mine. And how you draw Sebastian is so fucking good. It's actually what got me reading in the first place. I see your version as being in a completely separate universe from the game, cause the way you draw him just has that something, and it's not the same anywhere else. It certainly doesn't help my obsession that my own boyfriend has the same features and colour palette as him, now I think I might even use your art as inspo for next time we need wardrobe additions.

I love you and I hate you.

Ps. Of course I added Sarah Smiles to the playlist and also Far too young to Die, and Just One Yesterday. If you've any other songs you think match please let me knowww~~

BRUHHHHH I ALMOST FEEL NARCISSISTIC FOR POSTING/RESPONDING TO THIS ASK BC ITS JUST PRAISE BUT DAMN THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭IM HAPPY YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH!! FORGET WRITING YOUR BACHELORS THESIS, TY FOR WRITING A THESIS ON WHY U LOVED MY FIC SO MUCH AND ALL THE LIL THINGS U ENJOYED BAHAHAHA (love the henry slander) im also glad u like how i draw seb too, and i love how thats what made u start reading it in the first place BAHAH but fr, sometimes i try drawing seb more accurately to his ACTUAL appearance and then im like... Who The Hell is this... and it may sound arrogant since im the artist but my seb is MY seb, yknow...its why i dont like drawing him with other mc's romantically. bc even tho its like, oh look, that's Sebastian Sallow™ from the hit game Hogwarts Legacy™! in my style if i draw him with another MC, its like, NO!!! THATS NOT SEBASTIAN SALLOW™, THATS CLORA'S HUSBAND🤺🤺THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BOI??🤺🤺🤺 LMAOO but rly TY AGAIN💖💖💖 not only for reading but also taking the time to write all this and let me know how much you enjoyed it🥹🥹i (and all writers, really) always love getting stuff like this!! it also brings me back to when i was writing it, especially now that ive been finished with my fic for a few months, listening to u react to all the diff scenes is making me miss it and giving me nostalgia for my own damn fic FRRR😩 also i love that youre making a playlist LMAOO thats how u know the brainrot truly has a hold on you IM SO SORRY🙏🙏 i actually made a seb and clora playlist like last year and its somewhere in my ask tag if you look through that?? but one song that i can recommend off the top of my head (which i almost made their anthem in that OTP chart) is arms tonite by mother mother...whenever i listen to it i cant help but laugh to myself bc its SO perfect for the chap where seb sacrifices himself....YOULL SEE WHEN U LISTEN😇💖

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[thecoolerliauditore]

Can i propose a wild thought to you that I'm rattling off as I just thought of it

Have you considered the lizzie-scott parallels/contrasts?

One of my favourite things about Lizzie is her perpetual "i meant to do that!" attitude she approaches everything with. She thinks herself the leader of sorts and the only compitent bamboozler but my girl is just as big of a loser and klutz, she's just gotten slightly luckier so far. Its why I love her and Jimmy, they both think they're the responsible one when really they play hot potato with the braincell except neither noticed the braincell was replaced with an actual hot potato. She's better at certain things (remembering things and deduction in particular) but none of those things are surviving and its completely negated by her curiosity.

But anyways my point is that like Scott she tries to pretend she's competent and the smart one who is babysitting her teammates, keeping them under control, when she isn't any of those things and actually she cares a lot and is internally screaming all the time.

She's just capable of dropping the mask to be vulnerable. Or, yknow, aware it is in fact a mask in the first place. At the end of the day Lizzie can open up and apologize when she does something silly or says something a bit too mean. She'll just find something new to puff up her chest about.

She's also a sweat, she's just really bad at it.

(Sorry I could probably compare seablings vs fh more to emphasise my point but im trying really hard to keep to the point of this ask without going on tangents and I don't trust myself to not spend 3 hours writing about seablings and forgetting the whole point if I do (also you could also probably compare joel/lizzie to your scott/pearl stuff but 1) i think that probably works better comparing joel and scott more than lizzie and scott and 2) i think comparing their relationship with the same person even if its a different type of relationship might be more revealing and 3) i'm bias))

I ACTUALLY HAVE PONDERED SCOTT AND LIZZIE BEFORE. Not to any level that I feel is worth its own post or anything but they definitely do have a handful of common points that have sent me spiraling in the past (<- guy who really, really likes death games in general and totally didn't try to map out a full hunger games AU at one point. and put scott and lizzie in district 1 together because it just makes sense and has horrifying implications for both of them).

Anyway this is all very true, I hadn't even considered it in the context of their relationships with Jimmy but it makes a lot of sense with the whole. Awhhh I have to Keep Him Alive oop there he goes I guess he'll be die next session 🙄🙄 sort of energy they both try to embody. And how it's kind of performative for both of them, but I think I'll have to let the season play out a bit more before I form any sort of opinion on Lizzie's treatment of Jimmy. (I'm forever sad that Lizzie missed out on three seasons I feel like she might've been a smajor level blorbo to me if she was just there more)

This is a little on the meta side but from what I understand Scott pretty much started off his youtube career with Lizzie's guidance post-WoW-party so I suppose it makes enough sense that he takes after her so much on a persona level as well. Except he's a lot worse at embracing the tongue-in-cheek insincerity. That thing you said about the mask.

I do think Scott is at least acutely aware of his performative nature too, just less willing to acknowledge it for what it is. Lizzie is lying to you, Scott is lying to you but more importantly lying to himself. And that's the difference that I think makes Scott so much more. Dangerous? I suppose would be the word to use. Other than the fact that he is just overall a lot better at being a sweat in general but I'd argue even that could be seen as part of his constant need to keep up his perfect image.

Anyway I'm very unfamiliar with Lizzie and Jimmy's dynamic so I'm excited to see how it goes and even moreso with the comparison to my guy now planted i n my mind. Cheers I loveee stuff like this.

Also sidenote I do find it very entertaining that I'm as predictable as I am <-- has thought about scott/pearl and joel/lizzie as foils alot especially in LL

[bentosandbox]

Ambience Synesthesia tutorial blog

rambled this out because I didn't have inflight wifi otw home and the turbulence was too crazy to draw

Buying the ticket

erm so they only dropped the tickets like slightly less than a month before lol kinda insane

The concert tickets were sold on Damai so you need a CN number or know/pay someone with one who'd buy it for you which is what I did by recommendation (A tier 1280 + 400 'service fee' [apparently it would have been cheaper if they only helped you half way or something but i wasnt gonna risk running into a payment hiccup so]) Iirc they sold it in two batches but I don't remember the ratio split between first and second wave…

I got a ticket for 5/5's afternoon show (so the second last performance), I DID meet an oomf who said they managed to snag a ticket for themselves on their own (without a Professional Ticket Snatcher) so its not too impossible to attain on your own I think??? (I didn't get a CN number until like 2 days before I flew back home soo)

Professional Ticket what?? Uhhh apparently there's a whole industry/scene for this you look for listings on xianyu/taobao etc for people to buy on your behalf, you have to give them your real name and identification number (so for foreigners it'd be your passport number) for verification purposes during entry so yknow yea

getting there

You could cab directly to the venue but my friend signed us up for the free shuttle bus (they had freebies last year but not this time) and before we boarded they gave us like free water and bread (apparently free raincoats too on rainy days) which was nice of them but also insane because. the venue doesn't allow you to bring food/drinks in so a lot of people were leaving A LOT of unopened bottles near the gate and I saw a venue staff just throwing them all into the bin (HOPEFULLY JUST TO CARRY THEM AWAY IN ONE GO AND NOT FOR STRAIGHT DISPOSAL….) They drop you off near the venue but you don't go in directly, there's a 'Doctor break room' where most people are seated waiting to be ushered in batches into the venue, but also a lot of people standing around on one side of the room swapping/offering merch

merch swap

ive been told this is a very concert culture thing but i feel like its kind of different because a lot of these are so high quality ike…you could sell them at Artist Alleys but here they are just distributing for free if you have a E2 60 blorbo lmao or whatever (there seems to be a tiny…? minority that prints official art but most of them seem to be handdrawn/made)

i was too unprepared for this lol i did exchange some of my old stickers (missed out on a collapsal plastic fan bc my brain lagged when the guy asked me and i went to my auto 'sorry i dont have any merch' response' :( regretted this bc the room got a little hot from the amount of people in there and i was wearing like 3 layers with that fan on my mind)

from people watching a lot of trades are arranged beforehand on weibo/other sites unless you're willing to yell WHO WANTS TO TRADEEE/anyone wants freebies (a lot of people were also wearing 'Feel Free to Swap Merch/Ask for Freebies' tags) which i was definitely not brave enough to do lol… met up with an oomf i got to know from last dec when i attended an arknights only and they gave me some birbs and charms (bottom of post), there was someone who got a free LGD zine and charm from me bc i posted on wb that id give a free copy to anyone with a Mod 3 swire/swummer LMFAO

I had 2 more people to meet but, uhhh so I bought an esim for mobile data and it would intermittently lose signal here and there which was a little annoying when getting coffee but it just died entirely when i reached the venue and it was kind of Dire because i was waiting for one more friend who was coming over from the fes and i couldn't contact them lmao. told the friend i came with to go in first because I thought if my food got confiscated at least my oomf could see it beforehand LOL

waited outside in a light drizzle for an hour trying to trouble shoot my data to no avail and ended up borrowing a staff's wifi hotspot to get my entry qr code (I actually bought a second data roaming plan on my local sim but i quite stupidly did not check the country coverage and only learned later that night that 'Asia' doesn't cover China kuxiao) she was so nice i was (bow emoji) so sorry to trouble you im a stupid gaijin and she was like no its ok enjoy shanghai!! pien

spent a good 30min next to this board praying for data to no avail

the show

erm anyway because of that clownery above i more or less missed the first piece (the one w the goated hoho) but at least i wasnt the guy next to me who went for a bathroom break right before starset came up

The live singing this year was definitely an improvement I think… I can't really remember the setlist off the top of my head but I'm sure someone else has already listed it out, there were a couple of new pieces that weren't related to the concert groups like a Babel/Kazdel?? one sung in Latin, a Victoria…? one (in victorian ofc) also an Amiya (? just remembering by the visuals they used lol) one in Japanese

ohh yeah so almost every track would start with like a faction logo transitioning in from 3d to 2d which was cool but also amusing because it was honestly bringing quite the 'I will Make Your Company Logo Into 3D Fiverr' vibes

Since I missed the first piece idk if any of The Dreamer(s) got 3D models but The Pilgrim(s why are they all singular) had Kaltsit playing on that piano (there was also a replica of that piano on stage the white one complete with 'Arknights' text on it lmao) and Siege being cool running around in 3D (and ofc Eureka during her denpa number) it was very cool but man... its a pity the other characters in the group just get their live2d png during the beginning and effectively get sidelined lool compared to say Phenomenal Agents idk if i like this tradeoff but that eureka bit was so good sheesh #NOVAFIVE⭐ULTRALIVESWEEP

The other stuff was really great too looking at you Lone Trail medley…!!!!! I might be wrong but I... assume... you're encouraged to karaoke bc they always show the lyrics on screen… I couldn't even hear myself anyway but it was very fun singing songs you can't get on joysound/etc with a whole crowd going at it too (even if most of them would only sing 1-2 lines of the chorus)

Mary Clare did Radiant (they had the lyrics scrolling on the sides very cool) and iirc the Throne group's song...? Radiant was so fun live

Starset did Monster > Telescope and when the latter ended they were like Bye! and we(?) started yelling ENCORE--awkwardly because idk how they do it here (I was half expecting it to be JP style 'an-call-roo' but a bunch of us just yelled en-core en-core here and there until they returned to perform Infected) speaking of yelling.. between every piece when they had to switch sets people would just yell memes or skill names (like Dage's) to pass the time or sth i barely caught half of whatever they were memeing about

did i forget to mention anything else uhhh originium rock turntable for Guide Ahead's boss theme/Dossoles Lobby and they had IS4 medley live throat singing very cool also the dancers they got for silbenherze's boss theme good stuff...

iirc after starset was like a behind the scenes video of how HG prepared for AS and a recorded lowlight video saying some stuff that i forgot LOL just some thank you message basically. 9.5/10 bc no missy/shu EP live

i just realised i forgot to display all the merch from the A tier ticket but w/e. light stick photo ft. merch swaps/gifts from friends and strangers 🥹 (the iffy lenticular card was literally dropped into my bag by an iffy coser (wearing the LT outfit..?!) while waiting for the cab LMAO)

[onestepbackwards]

howdy! "self aware pkmn masters ex team leaders" gal here, and i just wanted to say that i LOVED your additions to my post! i actually came up with a few of my own in the meantime, and i just wanted to share with ya (not a request, dw):

Ghetsis: after Old Man Plasma is done "rebelling" against your control, you start noticing that he grows.. more attached, in a way. he greets you more whenever you log into the game, and gives you a lecture on "leaving him hanging dry" if you don't log in for some time, whether it being real life stuff and whatnot. he DOES see you as some "deity" in a way, but he cannot afford the disapproval that you might give him if you don't like his offerings for you. what if you end up dropping him from your team entirely? what if you kick him from the trainer lodge? what if you forced him to fight alongside N???? oh, the pain and humiliation! and while he DOES see you as a fitting ruler for Team Plasma, he also unfortunately knows that you don't trust him for shit. and he DOES 'attempt' to be honest and not manipulative for once, but the app's code is holding him by the collar. but becoming plasma's ruler is a standing invitation, so he'll wait as long as he wants.

Giovanni: ah, gio. good ol Mr. "My Entire Team Dies To Grass And Water And Ice". he strangely became more lax and laid back after discovering his self awareness, and he grew more attached to you; mainly because you're the only person who seems to know about him more than he does about himself. oh, you just so happened to mention silver one time? well, now you got giovanni wondering if he can repair his doomed-from-the-start relationship with his son. but his interest peaks when you mention the pokemon anime, and like the Cunning Narcissistic Old Man he is, he wonders how HE is portrayed. luckily, he wasn't butchered too hard. but when you bring up jessie, james, and meowth? boy, he goes into total Angy mode. he rants about how incompetent they are, and how he allowed them to even be in the team to begin with. and he DOES get in character, which is a bit surprising for someone who just discovered his existence is a sham. and expect him to refer to himself as "Vanni" or "Gio", since he heard you call him that when you first got him and it just sorta stuck, yknow?

Maxie & Archie: just as before, Mr. Magma Man and Mr. Sea Pirate remained the same, but expect to see yourself get pulled into their dumb debates and arguments now that they consider you close enough to be a Team Magma/Aqua admin. you can just log in once and maxie will greet you at the pokecenter and be like "ah, (player). i need your opinion on something. you see, archie said that kyogre is the best legendary, but i beg to differ. im asking you because you are the only smart person i can rely on around here.." or archie just going on a 15 minute rant to you about how groudon sucks dookie and that maxie is a man child (they're still besties, dw) that needs to study the SEAS and not (in his words) "STUPID ITTY BITTY ROCKS". you're practically their closest thing to a friend, and that says a lot.

Cyrus: he gets quite curious about your world. you tell him about all the little things, from the blooming of flowers to space discoveries, and he feels like his third, nonexistent eye has been opened. he was already so focused on destroying a universe and creating one dull of emotions that he forgot to see the REAL beauty of what lies beyond. while he physically can't use palkia or dialga to do what he wanted in platinum, expect to see him go full fanboy mode over your world, your town, anything surrounding you. its almost adorable, even when he just has a -_- face the entire time. if he could be more expressive, you bet your ass he would be smiling rainbows at that point.

🥺🥺😭

These are so good

They all grow somewhat attached to you. You are the small bit of sanity they can grasp onto nowadays. Hearing you lets them relax.

Meanwhile, you get to learn about their lives, how Pasio is doing.

It’s strange. When you are offline, theres so much going ok, yet not at all. Not enough for anything major, but enough for it to seem like the place must be alive when you aren’t looking.

Even the bosses have recognized this. How odd it is.

They all grow so attached. If you end up not logging in for a while, you even start getting notifications from the app.

‘Are you there?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘What happened?’

Much to your surprise, they found out how to communicate through your notifications. They often fight who gets to even do so.

Most of them would never admit they are attached, but they all grow concerned regardless.

Archie and Maxie would probably be the only ones to openly admit they were worried. They definitely see you more as a friend, not just a potentially god like entity.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[auspex]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 6: The Hierophant

Hello! Here is my sixth fic for Fangfest 2024 :)

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my first fic is here

my second fic is here

my third fic is here

my fourth fic is here

my fifth fic is here

This fic is about the Gangrel from the game I am the storyteller for, Blood and Silicon, which has its own blog run by the player @chiss-ticism here: @sanguineasylum. The starting phone call dialogue is from in game - @vtmgremlin played Blake and BIG SHOUT OUT TO @eric-the-bmo for transcribing!!!

The cold wind blew smoke and sparks from the fire towards Nelida’s face. Repressing a shudder, she composed herself and answered her ringing cellphone.

Nelida picks up after a moment's hesitation. “Hello?” As she picks up, Rico gives her a look, and listens in. Whatever. 

“Hey, it's B! I'm calling from a different number 'cause my other one broke. Sorry for the late-night call, do you remember that guy I was telling you about? That asshole? Hunter?” She didn’t know a guy named Hunter, but the way he emphasized that word… “Yeah, him? A few of his friends are in town, and they tried to start a fight, but we just took off. Just lettin' you know in case he comes by and tries to give you trouble. Probably stay out of the city for a little while. Yknow, Hunter and his crew are somewheres down there- they like to prowl downtown, so.”

This must be Blake calling - a new Gangrel, who had recently visited their little camp in the forest for the first time a week or so ago. “Wait, is- What- Do you think Hunter is coming tonight?” 

“Eh, I don't think so. I think for the most part he kinda took off with his buddies, but they're probably gonna be somewhere downtown. Who's to say. I do think the sheriff's probably gonna be looking out for him too, 'cause he knows he likes to cause trouble, so.”

The sheriff? Like this was some Camarilla city? No, he surely just meant kine legal trouble, right? “Um. Can you come over to talk?”

Blake inhales sharply. “Eh- I would if I could, but the problem is I gotta head out tonight, just in case, 'cause I gotta head up somewhere warm for the holidays. Y'know, family and all that.”

“What the hell. Are you talking about?” Nelida may not know much about Blake yet, but she highly doubted he actually had family he could go visit. But it's time to worry about herself, and her pack. If he’s leaving, then perhaps she should too. 

Before Blake can reply, she continues. “Should I head somewhere for the holidays?"

He replies, still casual. “I mean, if you want. I'll just say probably stay out of downtown for a little while. Uh, probably around South Market Street. Probably don't go around there’.

That’s downtown, which he had mentioned before, but this was near where Baron Harrison makes his domain. She didn’t know much else off the top of the top of her head about the area. “Okay... Wasn't planning on it, but thank you? When can we talk more about this?”

“Uh, probably be back in town... sometime next year.” 

“Next year!?”

“Y'know, after New Years!” Blake actually laughs. 

Oh. Cheeky. “Well, you better have a story for me then.” He still owed him one, and now this story clearly was one that involved her. Or at least, one that could. 

“I'm plannin' on it. But y'know, I gotta go and make a story happen first for me to tell you one.”

“What the hell.” She caught herself before saying his name on the phone. “Are you sure you can't stop by really quick?”

“Nah. I gotta head out soon, so- Yeah, just wanted to call and let you know. I don't want this call to go on for too long- I'm sure you need your beauty sleep- so Merry Christmas and all that, happy holidays. Also, probably don't call back this number, 'cause I actually had to borrow a phone from somebody- like I said, my other one broke, so.”

Was he implying he needed help? “Do you need.. assistance?”

Blake had hung up. 

“The fuck was that all about?” Rico stared up at her, crouching over the fire. 

“I’m not sure,” Nelida pursed her lips. “Something odd happened tonight for sure, we may be in danger. Blake must have uncovered something, he did say we don’t have to leave or anything though. Not that you would leave even if the place was on fire.” 

“Nope.” 

“Do you know anything about South Market Street?” 

Rico scratched his head as he replied. “Uh, the Hecata and Harrison had a small dispute over the area once, since resolved, it's a tourist trap area with a cathedral, not much else of note. Why?”

“Blake said to avoid the area.” 

“You gonna elaborate?” 

“He seemed to imply hunters.” 

The group was silent, listening to the crackling of the fire. Nelida began braiding her hair, and then continued. “This wouldn’t be the first time there were hunters in the city.” 

“Nope.”

After a moment's pause, Melinda, one of the newer Gangrel, spoke up. “Uh, mind filling me in?” 

Rico and Nelida looked at each other. 

Nelida’s eyes glimmered looking into the fire. “In the 80s, before your embrace, kindred society San Jose was settling down. The Tremere had accepted that there was no way they could push out the Hecata, and sequestered themselves to the North. A gang of Ventrue took it upon themselves to push down any would-be-upstarts, and so any who called themselves ‘baron’ only laid claim to small areas. Kindred were masters of their own domain.” 

Mel scratched the back of her neck. “Not like now.” 

Rico snorted, and Nelida gave her a small smile. “Well, do you know much about another kindred’s domain? Could you tell me what goes on in the Hecata’s turf, or up north, where the thinbloods are now?” 

She shook her head.

“Right, no, we don’t know much other than what they tell us. And no kindred talks about their own business - we’re secretive, and for good reason. So, back then, no one knew what was going on in the city at all, only across the street from their own haven. There was no coordination to look out for threats. We were all blind. Now - keep in mind, this was the 80s, so kindred did not have to contend with the Second Inquisition. No one was worried about kine hunters.”

Melinda smiled. “Y’all were careless.” 

Rico cut in. “Hey now. Me and Nelida, we were minding our damn business out here. Wasn’t our fault.”

“Yes Rico.” Nelida finished one braid and moved on to another. “But we are still affected by other’s recklessness. Now shh, let me tell it.” 

Melinda spoke up. “Wait, do we not like, need to do anything? Do we have time for this or should we be preparing for an attack or something?”

“No, I think he just wanted to give us a heads up. There’s nothing to be done, unless you have friends that you wish to warn. Now let me fill you in, like you asked.” The winter wind whispered and Nelida lowered her voice. “San Jose was experiencing a population boom. Whatever kine was your preference, it was not hard to find them. The Camarilla was not threatening the area. Unlife was good.” 

“So good in fact, that new kindred were moving in too. Without any centralized leadership, arguments over territory were common. Rico made his place here, and allowed other Gangrel to join him, but other clans were a lot more fractured. The Toreador and Malkavians practically drove each other out.” 

“Harrison is the reason why there’s no Roses in the city?” 

Nelida smiled. “Harrison wasn’t here yet. As I was saying though, there was conflict, and conflict draws attention. There was a Toreador named Miguel, a wonderful guitarist, beautiful, exactly who you are probably picturing right now. He had a penchant for attending concerts within the local music scene, even fraternizing with mortals there beyond one-night-stands. Unfortunately for Miguel, one of his favorite bands frequented venues in an area claimed by a Malkavian at the time named Gloria.” 

“Gloria got sick of seeing him, and despite warnings, he would not stop interacting with kine she considered hers.” Rico looked like he was about to say something, but was silenced by a look from Nelida. “She was known to kine as the landlord, a rather cruel one at that, and Miguel took advantage of this. He spurred those she collected rent from into action, protests and such, and had the bands support it.” 

“But some of the mortals he was supporting dug a little too deep, and found that she had been a landlord for two decades, despite only looking 30.” She looked from the fire into Melinda’s eyes. “If you wish to involve yourself in mortal business personally, your identity has an expiration date.” 

“Two of these kine, a couple, were assigned to keep looking into it. I do not know when they began to suspect something supernatural, but they surely caught wind.”

“Miguel won his fight, and Gloria ceded some territory to him. However, many months later, the couple confronted Gloria directly one night, and she was found staked and beheaded in an alley behind her haven.” 

“Such is the price of making mortals fight your battles - they have their own too. Miguel had put them on the scent. This all caused quite a stir, right Rico?” 

“Oh? Yeah. Yeah we were all freaked out by that. Gloria had been here for a long time, and she had a lotta connections. We didn’t know what those hunters had found by searching her shit. I mean, I wasn't too worried about myself and my pack, but others were. And soon enough, another Malkavian was reported killed, and another.” He stood up as he continued.

“After the third death we all really started to get our shit together. In the end it was actually the Tremere who found the pair. Probably tortured them for info that they didn’t fully share with the rest of us, but whatever. The final deaths stopped. But ever since then, kindred who live in the city or own shit have been a hell of a lot more careful. Plus, some people just started leaving, good riddance. It was getting too crazy here. And I thought things were pretty peaceful, until, well.” 

There was only the sound of the fire for a few seconds, until Melinda spoke. “Until tonight.”  

[windupaidoneus]

first you're not horrible and in fact I care about you deeply and dearly, second!! Tell me about that furry modern AU i've seen you post a bit about I think? the one where they work office jobs. If you have anything you wanna say about that :] or um. Tell me hilde and emet's favourite date activities !

green. sneef. i hold ur kind words so close to my heart. always. even when i feel bad!! which is saying!! u know how it is with brain bad...

& of course i can tell u about my Epic Furry Modern AU where they work office jobs!!!!! it's one i haven't actually pondered TOO much yet but the beautiful thing abt thinking is that it's something u can do & then u have thoughts. isnt it beautiful

it would be separate from my Regular Modern AU which has its own lore. in this one they are really. coworkers. to start with. this one actually started off bc i was designing a fursona for hilde & the image came to me of him.. well hold on. this

^ this is him looking up over his shoulders while Handsome Kind of standoffish Smells good fuckkkk he smells GOOD coworker (though the way i see it it's more similar to like, when two companies work together? & they're from diff. companies basically. yeah) reaches over his head to grab something from the shelf he was sorting. & well emet is an Owl so he has Big Feathery Arms kind of like a cape... so in that scenario hilde is kind offf getting enveloped in that. not really bc emet isnt touching him but. yeah. if this hapepend to me id just die homosexual style i can promise you this

i think magic exists in this universe however we still need desk workers yk. magic doesnt, err, magically erase bureaucracy. Sad! theyre both full of magical potential but yknow when ppl either have a lot of skill but cant get hired for anything relevant to them so they settle for some nothing job OR the thing theyre really good at doesnt pay well so they go for smth that doesnt align w their preferences for the sake of living comfortably financially even if it means work is hell on their mind? them. hilde is the one who cant get hired for smth he likes & emet is the one going for a job that pays good rather than a job that suits what he likes doing. though of course he does get really really into the managing & organising aspect of Office Worker due to le autism. no way he isnt a manager of some sort he is NOT at the bottom of the ladder in any universe. i wouldnt say hilde is at the bottom of the ladder either bc he DOES have good skills & is generally a very applied worker (also idk im really not gunning for them having an unbalanced dynamic as coworkers, same company or not) but he definitely brushes his job off as not that important if asked what he does

emet probably has a sort of Reputation that makes him sound unapproachable but in the few interactions theyve had hes been a very reliable person to work with so hilde isnt particularly deterred from maybe trying to make friends for that reason. hes just.. socially awkward & anxious to start with. the moment their other coworkers (who hilde is actually like, decently friends with, likely one of the scions who mightve even been his friend before he started working there too. hell, could be a zero! or two even) catch that hes trying to befriend the guy with the Reputation theyyy try to orchestrate ways for them to work alongside each other more lmao. or like ohhh shucks i left xyz in the office over there can you go get it for me since youre nearby </3 which is entertaining for everyone in the know to watch.

they do get to work more as time goes on bc i feel like hilde would be doing like... communications stuff. great for the social anxiety lmao. & so relaying info & working out how the companies can better work w each other would be at least partly on him. he'd be involved in that i thinks. & ofc that would also involve the ppl in higher positions. fuck iahve so amny more ideas but im actually falling asleep in my seat remind me to rb with more tomorrow + the date activities ahhh

[cenviswasteland]

okay from best to worst top three! klapollo krisnix wrightworth go!! with explanations duh - 💾

oh guess what i just found in the bottom of my drafts. sorry floppy disk you asked me this in march and now its almost june. my bad pestie

anyway i would LOVE to. im gonna cut the post here because it ended up getting pretty damn long and i wanna save the mobile users some pain

[[[hey welcome back thanks for clicking a button]]]

a little preface first: i don't think any of them are the "worst". im a multiship freak and i think all three of these are best and worst in their own way. id love more info on what you MEAN by "best to worst" because that's so very vague. do you mean in terms of relationship dynamic? do you mean in terms of personal perception? do you mean how much i like them?? since i have no idea what exactly youre asking me here, im just gonna shove a whole bunch of headcanons in your face and hope for the best. xoxo follow me

3rd place - Wrightworth / Narumitsu

the iconic, original gangster, blah blah blah. forever cute. theyre just kind of a little bland to me. like i feel as tho we've explored basically everything there is to explore in wrightworth with the exception of the seven year gap? eh maybe thats a terrible take who knows. theyre still lovely tho i love the seemingly constant stream of gayass lawyers on my feed. everybody loves narumitsu!

2nd place - Klapollo

i really don't have much to say about klapollo either. theyre cute as hell and they definitely have a lot more to ponder on (considering that the only game we really get klavier in is AA4 [no DD doesnt count klavs ass got fucking Visited and he was written so poorly thats NOT my klavier gavin]). and generally speaking im an AA4 fiend its my favorite game in the entire series and so im biased. also, another pretty constant stream of gay lawyer content. shout out to hyundere who made like constant beautiful klapollo content until the One Piece happened lol [im a one piece enjoyer too dont come for me this is not criticism]

1st place - Krisnix

my GOD krisnix. theres a lot of things that go into me enjoying krisnix, but the biggest one is the fact that they have the fucking wackiest, least defined relationship in all of AA4. (also, another AA4 exclusive lol). with the 7yg in play, theres so much room to play around. and most of krisnix really exists in their questions and the vagueness of their relationship. theres like a billion things to ask. how does this relationship develop? how did they meet? what were they like for seven years? what led up to phoenix suspecting kristoph in, yknow, the Everything that happened in AA4? what kind of relationship did they even have? were they "friends" that just happened to pull each other into their gravity? were they holding hands and cuddling every night? were they practically strangers until one of them needed to "blow off steam"?

and not to mention these people are both private/secretive as HELL (phoenix is probably the cagiest man ive ever seen ever. and kristoph, aside from being a man with a fucking army of skeletons in his closet, gets an unfortunately small amount of screentime in the game and not a lot of time to get into the meat of his character/backstory [see: black psyche-locks]). that adds another layer. they certainly dont talk about each other. so how did... All Of This happen?

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. and in general i like my ships a little more "toxic". and i mean. if you know ANYTHING about AA4, krisnix is pretty mutually toxic. i could totally make another post tearing into the inner guts of their dynamic and relationship-- hell, i could probably make FIVE.

moral of the story: krisnix forever. poggies.

anyway yeah i hope this uh. answered all your questions? how the hell do you end a tumblr post

[space-station-nursery]

Just wanted to say I really empathize with your post about dni's, and I think you've very right to be angry and upset. There's a huge problem of agere Tumblr being infiltrated with nsfw accounts who just simply do not care who they hurt when they interact with agere blogs, even if they're personally called out and it is so so so so frustrating when people won't take the time to read a simple banner. I know how hurtful and hard it is, but you are doing amazing, your blog is such a place of positivity and love, it makes me so happy whenever it pops up on my dash. So keep going, you got this!!!! 🫶

Its incredibly frustrating especially in this community as an adult.

Youre expected to read a DNI and people will talk on and on about being respectful, while then going directly against your own, or someone elses DNI and think they should have no repercussions. I always thought this community was about respect and acceptance as we are all coping using the same method

Communication between the community is Key. If someone reaches out via ask or DM that "hey you broke my DNI, can you not interact with my/our blog? thank you" it would be cool! and being blocked for breaking someones DNI is ok too especially if theyve repetitively done it. During my angry post, i have 30 or so notifications from an endo system who then sent an ask and was like just like "didnt know you were anti endo, oops" instead of apologizing?? plus we just have a really bad NSFW crosstag issue with adults that done care if theyre introducing children to topics they dont need to know about yet like hard k!nks and gross senarios. Or those that say "18+ only but im sfw". i saw a blog interact [26] today that said "18+ so mdni. this is a sfw blog but im a woman so yknow".... so youre not a safe blog because you just implied there might be nsfw because youre "grown". Auuuuuuhg, its a stupid big fight that is constantly going. but thank you sunshine for reaching out to talk to us! it means a lot to me to know other people feel the same anger i felt that night 💖

[rodimissliveblogs]

Yknow. Off of a post I reblogged to my main. Thinking about how the Grey Wardens are the only main Veilguard faction that the devs let be fucked-up and insane and how I think that substantially weakens the world. They want to have their cake and eat it too with Lords of Fortune being "pirates but nice". They ignore everything Zevran established about the Crows. When I read Eight Little Talons in Tevinter Nights, and then later heard that Teia and Viago would be in this game, I thought that would be a really fun opportunity to explore Teia's idealism regarding the Crows - she calls Caterina "Nonna", she considers the Crows her family - versus the ugly reality of them. But. no.

And even the wardens! Antione and Evka very clearly say that what they do - administer the Joining for infected people and then don't make them join - is against the order. I give them that. It's still established they shouldn't do that, and I grant the game that. Wardens doing things against the order is also something I love to explore. I am fine with Antione and Evka. But Davrin says he just walked up to the wardens and asked to join - he says that any criminal/person running from their past can just go join the wardens. The wardens don't take just anyone! Anders has to beg Stroud to take a dying Hawke twin! Is it different in the Anderfels?? I feel like saying that gives the game an excuse that it doesn't actually even care about having. I feel like that gives it too much credit.

(I was gonna make a complaint about Valya saying that she was recruited to the order but left before taking her Joining, but I just checked the wiki and apparently that is canon to The Last Flight, so that's been locked in for ten years, and is also due to particular circumstances. Okay. I'll accept that one.)

Anyway. I think they needed to let the factions be fucked up and insane. They can still be likeable despite that! I like Isabela, and she nearly let the Arishok burn down Kirkwall because of her actions (and in fact can just never bring the tome back if she doesn't like Hawke enough! She did that the first time I played DA2!). I liked Teia and Viago in Eight Little Talons, even with all the fucked-up Crow lore from Zevran running in my head! They chose to shave down all of the edges of their factions and the larger worldbuilding and that very seriously hurts the game. I have fun with it on its own, but when I start thinking about it in the context of all that came before, I start frothing at the mouth in anger.

[literaphobe]

hopping over here from leaving leviathan-sized comments on ao3, and bearing in mind the recent tumblr discourse about how everyone should be doing Asks and reblogging with reckless abandon like the good ol days really just gotta ask how you GOT SO GOOOOOOD

HELLLO!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR UR EPIC COMMENTS. I had so so so much fun reading them and they SO made my day when I saw that it was u!!!!!!!

u really flatter me but tbh I don’t think there’s any real metric for good it’s just - like if I could give any writer advice it would be to play to ur strengths!! AND play to ur desires!!! if ur great at dialogue make your story dialogue forward, have that be the driving force of most plot points, if you’re very good at symbolism and like making stuff flowery fertilize away!!!! ensure that what ur making is something you would love and want as a reader ifl is an important thing. its like. obviously there’s time constraints for everything and stuff, people have busy lives, it’s hard to maintain energy levels high enough to write let alone review ur own work, but i do genuinely think i spend more time reading over and trying to Experience my writing than i do actually writing it out. also I do a lot of rewriting. not everything needs to be rewritten or improved upon, u could have banger scenes that u wrote in one go and barely changed, or you could have banger scenes that u revised and grappled with multiple times… at the end of the day a banger is a banger…!! even if it takes over a year. which is what happened with me…! JFJSJDJD

plus like. just really love whatever it is ur making. be a storyteller and love ur story!!! stand by it!!! as a person im very anxious and i do get those AHHHHH WHAT IF THIS SUCKS WHAT IF EVERYONE HATES IT I SHOULD JUST—blah blah blah yknow. i realize the further away i get from my work the less i believe in it. aka i get less WHAT IF IT SUCKS feelings when i actually read my work. and if u read ur work and u think it sucks! challenge why you feel that way. figure out if you have a genuine story related problem you need to solve OR if it’s just your brain being mean to you. sometimes i feel like leaning into that voice in your head can help you realize what is it you TRULY want. in a story that is. in real life idk what i want at all

okay this got so long SORRY also tvl chapter 6 is coming out soon!!! if like idk 5 more people comment on ch5 ill post on Sunday if not ill wait till more people have caught up w the fic to post ch6!! maybe Monday or Tuesday in that case!! <- I want as many people caught up as possible before ch6

[babyboiboyega]

a new oneshot?? 👀 does that mean new....next to me chapter?

maam please, were dying

........So! About that! I might as well post the original update to this ask lmao

Next To Me Update

* this entire post is me just typing out whatever comes to mind when it comes to Next To Me, and I'd really appreciate it if you read it because it has to do with the future of NTM <3 *

If you've kept up with Next To Me (NTM), you'll know that there are 15 parts currently out with my original plan being a total of (around) 20 parts in total. I've found that I'm at a standstill when it comes to NTM as of right now. I planned out the entire plot y'all, complete with ideas of what would happen in each part until the end, but planning it was the (slightly) easy part; its when I tried to write them out that it became difficult.

To be quite honest, the last few chapters of NTM were a little difficult to write because I couldn't find that same motivation and inspiration, and every draft I wrote was personally underwhelming, and I sure as hell wasn't posting some mess for y'all.

Another very small reason was that the interactions started gradually becoming less and less, and a lot of it is on me because I don't really interact with others on here (despite how much I really want to). Now when I just stopped posting, it wasn't surprising when the interactions decreased; it made sense, it was understandable.

Another part that is my fault is I started viewing my own skill set and success off of those interactions. I initially posted those parts because I loved the story I came up with, the characters, the fandom, and the writing in and of itself. But it got to a point where I was allowing the number of notes each part received to dictate the motivation I felt to write the next part, and personally, I don't think it should be that way. At least not for me! Can't speak for everyone else lmao

And in doing so, in letting the number of notes essentially motivate me, I kinda lost sight of why I was writing NTM. I appreciate every comment and reblog and like...but I don't necessarily want that to be the main driving factor for why I post. I want to write/post because I love to do it, and then I'd like for the interactions to be the cherry on top yknow

BUT with that being said, there are some decisions I need to make regarding Next To Me, namely if I'm going to continue it, or if I'm going to put it on indefinite hiatus. If I do stop it, I have already started planning a sort of revamp for NTM with a better plot, new characters, better backstories, etc.

But on the other hand, if I keep writing it, it's going to be rather difficult to do so with the risk of plot holes and less-than-stellar writing. But all I can tell you now is as soon as I figure out what I'm doing, y'all will too lmao

Bless you and thank you so much if you read all of that. I've been feeling like this for a while and I was admittedly pretty nervous to bring it to tumblr, but eventually worked up the nerve to do so, especially because I wanted to give y'all some sort of update after a while of not posting anything.

For the TL;DR people: might stop NTM, might not. If I do, its because I have plans for a revamp; if I don't, be prepared for horrible writing that's a result of me just wanting to get it done lmao

But thanks for coming to my TED talk, and I'll see yall at the next project (whatever that may be) <3

Stay safe, y'all

[aroace-poly-show]

hellloooooo lovely meowtual may you please talk about hw tsukasa?!?!? as per ur request

hehehehhe. you guys are so so niceys to me btw. cries

awawawa so tsukasa tenma. world future star. he isn’t too different from canon tbh. he’s still loud as always, got that high ego, got those memory issues and everything. his past isn’t much different from canon either. his goal to be a star still came from wanting to make people smile like shows made saki smile, but he forgets that, etc etc you get how it goes. but yknow. n25 swap. he isn’t doing great.

he tends to set high standards for himself, and he’s been trying really hard to get into the acting scene, but it hasn’t been going well. the constant failures have slowly but surely been weighing on him. he’s got a lot of frustration building up, and all that has definitely hit him in the self esteem department *just a tad*, but he does not acknowledge that! cause of course he doesn’t. he’s tsukasa tenma, he’s going to be a star! a star like him doesn’t have time to worry about stuff like that. all he needs to do is keep pushing forward, keep trying harder and harder, just don’t think about the past and all the constant setbacks and he’ll be fine! probably. he has to be fine after all. what kind of a star would he be if he wasn’t?

saki and toya do notice smth’s up with him, saki especially, but tsukasa being tsukasa he lies to them, both intentionally and unintentionally. by that i mean like. like he genuinely Does Not Know he’s not fine. he is just avoiding thinking about his own negative feelings too much, so he just does not fucking realize. when he’s confronted with the idea that he might not actually be perfectly fine, he’s genuinely confused. so when he’s asked if he’s okay, he says yes, because he’s sure he is. and sure sometimes he gets a little down, and he does intentionally lie to them those times, but its simply nothing his siblings need to worry about, so there’s no point in telling them! they don’t need to know, cause he’ll be okay! he can deal with it on his own, he *has* to deal with it on his own, he’ll (repress it) get over it soon enough! no need to worry them :)

like i mentioned, tsukasa’s also the only one still actively doing theater at the time of the main story. he loves it, he’s dedicated to it, he hasn’t given up on it yet. and he gets to be the one to get hw back into it. yayayayay. i like to think hw is very fond of him, like rui and nene were w/ emu. here’s another one of their group who holds so much passion for theater and loves it, and who hasn’t given up on it. they believe in him. its like living vicariously through him. yk. they might not know each other too well yet, but they hope it goes well for him.

and like idk but the thing about tsukasa and theater is that its So important to him, he’s devoted so much of his life to it, he can’t see himself doing anything else. he doesn’t have a driving motivation for it, he can’t remember it, but all he’s sure of is that he has to reach this goal. so like. when faced with the idea that maybe he *isn’t* good enough to become a star like he wants to, its terrifying to him. so he just. doesn’t think about that. every failed audition, every rejection, every setback is a reminder of that though. main story gets him to his last straw. which is fun!

again. main story ideas are giving me trouble. and i’m still figuring stuff out. so not elaborating too much on what happens. but after a series of events tsukasa remembers and gets the rest of hw on board w/ trying to do shows again. cause like, again they don’t know each other that well but tsukasa does care about them, he wants to make people smile and his friends are included in that. he wants them to enjoy shows again. he wants his friends happy. and w/ enough persuasion hw joins him and yayy they become a theater troupe. yippee :3 

i might have more thoughts to add later. idk. i’d add a fun facts section but i already mentioned everything i had for him in past posts jdhfgdfjkgl

[haeryna]

also maybe toji can be someone who moved into the small town with his wife, little megumi and little tsumiki (i like him being a family man who found his own family after growing up in a very toxic household 😭😭😭) after satosugu left and reader kinda befriends his wife and ends up w a kind of kinship w toji bc he knows what it feels like to be abandoned so he gets her bitterness and anger better than anyone.

he isn't a big fan of those two for coming back after all the emotional rebuilding she was trying to do for herself and they don't rly like him bc he does things to keep them from coming near her. i wouldn't say he's protective of her moreso either (like c'mon its toji at the end of the day) but he thinks they'll just ruin smth he recognizes is her trying to move on by being present. ofc his wife probably knows better tho bc she's nice and recognizes they're trying.

it would also be funny to just see little megumi having a sort of affinity for reader too (maybe she babysits the kids on occasion) so he sees that she doesn't like them too much right now + his dad isn't a big fan of them either so he's got beef w them too in a way only 5 yr olds are able to beef w adults (for the heehee hahas in this angst filled fic yknow).

but food for thought! please don't feel pressured or anything to post this or read this either. i know you mentioned you had a hard time writing for someone like toji and he's probably not even relevant in your au but i think this would kinda show a great parallel in the canon story abt how satosugu aren't fond of him there too.

i really love your fic and can't wait for what you have regardless!!

i really appreciate you saying not to feel pressured nonnie, ngl with the asks i've been getting i've been feeling a little scared that people are hating the direction i'm taking the story LOL. that being said, i would love to write for toji! it's just hard for me to write him as a romantic interest since i personally am not very attracted to him (i'm the kind of person who really needs to find the personality at least somewhat attractive before finding them physically attractive).

and i love the idea of megs beefing with gojo specifically BAHAHA. megs would totally be rude to gojo, and geto would try to bribe him, and megs would grudgingly accept geto but still make faces at gojo.

a toji redemption arc does sound appealing ngl. we'll see where it takes me once i work up the energy to write more. school is already kicking my ass,,,

thank you for your ask, have a smooch ! ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡