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princessbunnib · 2 years

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Adulture

Levi Ackerman |Attack On Titan|

Summary: Breaking the rules isn't so bad when the person you're breaking said rules with is just as shameless about it like you are.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman X Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Smut MDNI, Switch Reader, Switch Levi, Marital Infidelity, High Tension, Little To No Talking, Sex In Livingroom, Sex On Table, Sex On Floor, Missionary, CowGirl, PullOut Method, Oral |F| Receiving, Sex Standing Up, Unhappy Marriage, Negative Talk About Having Children, Nipple Play, Slight Choking, Intense Intamcy.

Author's Note:

The build-up is long for this one but I assure you that it is definitely worth it.♡

I always snap when I write for Levi, idk why but I literally get so creative when it comes to him. Anyways enjoy Bunni's.

PT2 IN THE WORKS

____

"Y/n! what're you looking at? Hello? Am I not speaking to you!?" Your husband yelled at you while you were scrolling on your phone at the dinner table. The both of you were set out to go on a double date with his co-worker and his wife. You weren't enthusiastic about going, spending a longer amount time with your husband makes your skin crawl every time.

"Stop fucking yelling at me, I hear you but I'm busy right now. Am I not on the phone!?" You snapped back at him. "Oh? Busy? With what... making another nail appointment since all you do is spend money and sit around?"

"Oh please. It's not like I'm spending yours, remember that I have my own will you? There's no point in getting upset when your pockets are perfectly fine." You said and got up from the table, slamming your phone on the glass surface while making your way down the hall to the bathroom.

You've been unhappy in your marriage for as long as you could remember. It wasn't made on the sense of love. Just a legal arrangement to make more money as a unit. You married him at a young age. Early twenties to be exact. Now that you're halfway through the ages that would make 'your prime' you were tired of seeing his face everyday and needed a change of scenery. He didn't love you, both of you spent most time at eachothers throats. Arguing until one of you stormed out of the house before things got too heated.

He wanted you to do more for him when you felt that you were doing just enough. For one, he wanted children. He wanted you to retire as a buisness women and just be his pregnant wife for the rest of the marriage. You didn't want to be a mother. You saw how parenthood forced people apart and knew that you didn't want that for yourself.

Children were a commitment you're not willing to sign up for. You already signed up for marriage. Only difference was for marriage, you could sign some papers- go to court and be done with the legal relationship with the other person. But if you had children? You'd forever have that burden following you around. The memory of birth burned into you mind, making it impossible for you to forget that you're even a parent in the first place.

You didn't want to have someone else to take care of. Spending money on yourself and yourself only was perfectly fine with you. Oh- do you want to get your hair done? Just make an appointment. Did you want an at home message? Hire somebody to come over and take care of it for you. You'd rather spend money on what you loved instead of diapers formula and 'back to school' supplies.

Not only all of those factors. You valued peace and quiet. When you have children every ounce of quiet goes down the drain. Who cares about those blood sucking snot nose brats. There are many other people in the world who loves and wants those things. The population wouldn't crumble to bits just because one women doesn't want to be a mother.

While you were in the bathroom fixing your makeup your husband walked in and stood in the doorway. Glaring at you and rolling his eyes. "Let's go already, Levi and his wife are probably at the restaurant already. They've also been planning on a baby so why not get in good with her. Hopefully she could talk some sense into you."

"Oh yeah? I'll pass... I told you I didn't even want to do this anyway. I'll play nice with her but I won't kiss her ass just because. She's not going to be a little friend of mine." You scoffed with an obvious eye roll.

"Tsk. I know she won't. All your friends have to be men... like to have your options open huh?" He said before walking off.

Who cares what he thinks. You can't wait to get those divorce papers on Wednesday. That would make the perfect birthday gift now wouldn't it.

"Happy birthday honey, I want a divorce!♡"

____

Levi didn't think his co-worker was the best guy in the office. Y/h/n was a jerk. Not to him of course but to the other people around him. He was also a big flirt for someone who wears a ring and makes it a point that he's married. He coincidently hits on the new comers, the least they knew about him the better of a target they'd be for 'workplace fun.' He was a loud mouth bastard who overcompincated to be liked. His attempts to be charasismatic always come on as a facade.

He's gained an opinion over Y/h/n just by being observant. The most you stay silent around people, the quicker they'll think they can be comfortable around you and let their slip hang. Because of this, it was easier for him to find out the dirt on everyone. Just because a man leaves the house with a clean suit on dose not mean that he doesn't get his hands dirty.

"Levi! Come on, we have to go. You said that Y/h/n and his wife are already at the restaurant right?"

He was in his office seated at his desk when Yuki walked in with her hands busy as she put in her pearl earing that had fell off for the third time. "Why are you always in here? It's so dark too." She questioned while flicking the light switch and walking over to his desk, making her way behind it and turning Levi's chair so he could face her. "Doesn't everyone enjoy peace and quiet sometimes?" He simply said desiring to keep the conversation short.

"Well yeah but you didn't hear me calling you? Anyways come on. We should go, ugh you just look so handsome." She smiled as he stood up, he laid a kiss on her cheek before walking passed her. "You look nice too, the purple really compliments your skin." He stated and held his hand out for her to grab.

They both walked out of his office and made their way outside. Levi held the door open for her like usual and waited for her to be seated so he could close the door and enter the driver's side.

He felt a cloud of looming dread follow him around. He wasn't sure where it was coming from or why he was even feeling that way in the first place. His marriage with Yuki was average. There were rarely any fights and even an even less amount of conversation. He was the problem. Levi has always had a hard time keeping himself open to others instead of acting as if he was the only person on earth. He liked being alone but that all changed once he found himself proposing to Yuki. And now with them trying for a child, he thinks this is the way his life will be from now on.

At first he didn't think he'd make a good father. He had no idea what the definition of a 'good father' was anyways. His childhood was rough. So how would he know every way to not fuck up the childhood of a newborn. Yuki was a good women. Always egging him on to be better, telling him that he wouldn't be alone in parenting and they'd both do a good job. Even with her words of uplifting, he still had doubts. Parenthood can't be for him, he's too broken to even look into the eyes of a child and feel any desire or love to have one of his own.

When he was in the moment of proposing to Yuki he didn't have a guess of what the future would hold. If anything the fear didn't set in until he was finally standing at the alter. Everyone staring at him as she poured her heart out to him. The audience filled with her family, not even a crumb of his own in sight. He was scared of saying those two words. Before he could even fully decide, he agreed. Maybe marriage wouldn't be too bad and maybe this feeling of regret would slip away.

To his demise it never did. And now that he's been married for almost ten years... he is just a dead man walking.

"So what's his wife like?" Yuki asked as she glanced at him, waiting for an answer.

"Who's wife- oh... right." He trailed off but quickly remembered who she was talking about.

"Are you okay honey? You seem like you're out of it tonight. Should we call and cancel?"

"No I'm fine. Just a bit tired is all, work was tiring. And you know I don't sleep much so... it just goes hand in hand." He deflected, coming up with a quick lie and shrugged off his response.

"Oh alright... did you hear my question atleast? I asked what is Y/h/n's wife like."

"Y/n? I'm not sure. He doesn't talk about her much other than what her name is. I don't know her that much if that's what you're asking."

"I see... a man who doesn't talk about his wife at all is a complete jack ass then."

"Yeah... that's his middle name alright. I hope he doesn't drink too much, the guy can barley hold a stapler without losing an eye. When alcohol is in the mix he's almost no good at anything."

"If you know so much about him that makes him seem insufferable to be around then why do you tolerate him? Don't you think going on this date would be stressful as is?"

"Yeah... you have a point but- actually I don't even know why I'm doing this. I would've said no if I wasn't thinking it instead of actually speaking it. To be frank it be better off reading a book at home right now."

"It's only a few hours Levi, I've seen you hold a conversation with my mother and she is the most insufferable person I know. You got this tonight, I'm sure it won't be that bad either. Surely he can't be a piece of work when his wife is around, she has to balance him out some way right?"

"I guess."

____

You were sitting at the bar when Y/h/n walked up to you with two people behind him. The strangers were holding hands so that told you that they were the couple your double date was to begin with. You grabbed your drink from the bartender and turned around in your seat. Flinging your leg over the other as the slit of your dress opened to reveal more of your smooth freshly waxed legs that you spent an hour doing just for tonight. Luckily you moisturized just enough so you wouldn't be itching all night.

You for sure felt cold. But with alcohol so close to being in your system, you'd surely warm up faster. "Y/n this is Levi and his wife Yuki." Y/h/n said as he put on a fake smile towards you. You mentally rolled your eyes and got out of the stool chair. Levi quickly coming towards you with a hand to help you down so you wouldn't fall.

You weren't aware of who was helping you as you grabbed the soft but rough hand and focused on making sure your dress didn't get ruined by your heel. You looked up finally and nearly dropped your glass. Levi Ackerman... you've definitely heard of him, not only has Y/h/n mentioned him many times, you've also saw that many everyday objects have 'Ackerman' written somewhere on it.

You kept eye contact with him short and sweet, taking your hand from his and smiling at the both of them. His wife was gorgeous, the prettiest eyes you've ever seen. They were a bright green. Plump lips that were dabbed with a little blush red color that matched her cheeks. A full set of crystal clear teeth. Long lashes that seemed to be natural with a slight flare of mascara.

You were slightly more interested in her for a breif second until you realized that you probably should start talking right now.

"Hi! I'm Yuki- uhm I mean you already know my name but still hello!" She nervously smiled and held your free hand with both of hers. Looking at you with a gleam of admiration as if she's been dying to meet you her whole life. You smiled back at her and set your glass down. "It's wonderful to meet you, wow- you're so gorgeous..." You said halfway losing your train of thought.

She laughed lightly and brought her hand up to her mouth to not come off as too 'teethy' she then held onto Levi's arm and glanced at him. "Thank you! This is Levi- he's not much of a talker but I assure you he is nice too."

You broke eye contact with her and looked at him. His glare was peircing into your eyes as you tried to break away from his gaze to continue eyeing his wife but you couldn't. His skin was so pretty, blemish free and flushed with red at the cheeks and very tip of his nose. His lips soft and well taken care of. Eyebrows just the right amount of thickness and cleanliness. His dark eyes dilated once he raised his head just a bit to have a clear look at you. A smirk formed on his face, he quickly changed it to a smile as he most likely forgotten where he was at right now.

Strands of his hair were in his sight of vision hiding the view of where his eyes were traking to, leaving your husband and his wife utterly oblivious to his greedful gaze.

This moment seemed to last forever for him. He hadn't seen you at all in person but your name was burned into his memory. If he had known that Y/h/n had a wife like this by his side, he would've showed up to every single dinner party he invited him to just to steal a look of you.

There wasn't particular parts of your appearance that he could point out to consider above all attractive, he was staring at all of you. Your intrigued expression kept him hooked onto you. You were caught off guard by the extra people walking up to you. He wondered why the hell did your husband think this was the perfect time to ambush you with guests. By the looks of your drink, you weren't planning on being so friendly tonight either.

"Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you, Y/h/n has spoken so much about you." He lied with a smile and a gentle low nod to you out of respect.

Shit. Why were they both attractive? Are they swingers? Was this just some ploy to get you to swing with them? You wouldn't decline if it was. You didn't know which one you wanted more. Her, or Him... although Levi had a problem with his eyes being on you the whole introduction. Even when your husband brought the conversation to him, Levi was still staring.

In high fashion, his eyes made you worry about your appearance. Was your hair okay? What about your makeup? Did you have something on your teeth and that was why he was staring at you?

The four of you eventually made it to the table after minutes of pointless idol chit chat. You sat next to your husband, across from Levi while Yuki sat across from yours. He had his arm around Yuki's shoulders while she held his hand with hers. Their body language was something you craved. The most touch you and your husband were participating in was a simple knee touch under the table.

Your hands were clasped together in your lap under the table. Fingers twiddling with eachother as you payed as best of attention to the conversation as you could. You were mentally absent, it didn't take Levi not even ten seconds to figure out.

Guessing by the body language you and Y/h/n were presenting. You two didn't have any ounce of physical love for eachother. No wonder why when you'd pretend to fix your hair, your eyes would land on his when you thought he wasn't paying attention to you.

The funny thing was that you were the only thing he could focus on. The only time he broke a gaze was when Yuki would boast about their relationship and want him to look at her. He even went out of his way to steal a few kisses from her to make her claims of their love legit.

You coughed into your arm as you watched Levi's head turn. His jawline was so potent and sharp. The perfect slimness to still be seen but not be too much. His hair was freshly cut too, a crispy undercut. You glanced at Yuki, her hand lifting to hold Levi's shoulder as she kissed him softly. They giggled with eachother and whispered sweet nothings inbetween aswel. You needed a drink. Bad. The strongest drink you could ever have too. You glanced at the bar and noticed that you left your cup over there from earlier.

Shit. Would it be bad if you slipped away right now to get it? Hopefully Levi and Yuki won't think that you're leaving because their public affection was making you sick.

You glanced at your husband. He was busy looking at the menu rather than paying attention. With the conversation dwindling away he eventually put his attention somewhere else. You turned your body to step out of your seat but stopped and stared much more intently at Yuki. She kissed Levi for one last time before breaking her lips from his to ask him for something. He nodded, his veiny hand lifting to kiss her ring finger softly. "Sure. Give me a moment." He stated softly to her which made her bite her lip gently and run her finger through the back of his hair.

Your mouth was watering now. Not only you desired the taste of alcohol on your tongue, you also wondered how good she felt to know that she had the right to run her fingers through his undercut at any point. Dammit, get it together. Stop staring at them like this. You look like a pervert.

Yuki's eyes glanced at you once Levi turned around to get up from his seat. You stood up quickly and froze for a moment. She smiled at you while mouthing 'sorry' apologizing for her and Levi being 'too close' thinking maybe it was awkward for you to see. You nervously laughed and nodded at her then proceeded to walk away.

Your body told her that you were already on your way to get up so she didn't think much of you and Levi heading in the same direction. She then moved her hair out of her eyes and opened the menu to see what to order.

____

That was close. You almost lost it back there. Your glass from earlier was gone because the bartender cleaned it up which meant you had to order another one. What did you have again? You didn't even know. You ordered that drink so randomly that you didn't care to memorize the name so you could order it again if you liked it.

As you leaned on the counter a man walked up next to you, a stool was in the middle of of the both of you for space. You glanced over and it was sure enough Levi. He saw you and made a double take. Wondering why you were even up here. Before he could say anything stupid he realized that you were waiting at the bar. Clearly you were up here for a drink like everyone else.

"Hello again. Are you going to order first?" He asked with a concerned tone. The bartender was staring at both of you, their hands on the table as they waited for direction. "Who me? Oh no no I'm fine. I don't know what to get." You shrugged.

Who me? Yes- of course you. He's only staring at you right now. Who else was he talking to? A fucking fly on the table? Dammit your mind is foggy right now. You can't think straight and it's his and his wifes' faults.

Levi then ordered for himself. You didn't hear him considering you weren't paying much attention again. You watched the bartender bring up three glasses from under the table and line them in order. "Three rounds of Shōchū, third round done heavy coming right up." The bartender said.

"Third round heavy? Who's that for." You asked. He chuckled and turned his whole body towards you, leaning on the counter just like you and speaking up. "It's for you. I can see a stressed out person who needs a drink from a mile away. I'm the same way, guessing by your hands right now. You're extra nervous." He said.

Yeah no shit man. It's because you and your wife are very sexy together and apart.

"Really me? No I'm fine. Honest!" You laughed him off but he didn't budge. "It's fine. You don't have to lie. The drink is on me. In fact-" He turned to the bartender briefly. "Make the first just as strong as the third, thanks." He said clearly then turned to you once more.

"You keep saying that so your brain will believe it, yes? You don't have to do that with me. I get it. Public spaces make me feel on edge too." He shrugged still trying to get his point across.

You sighed and glanced at the table where you were sitting. Both yours and Levi's partner busy with eachother in conversation. You then glanced at him and sat in the bar stool chair, making sure to not fall thus making a fool out of yourself. The drinks Levi ordered were done and was slid over to him, he held the first cup and slid the third to you as he sat down in the chair next to you.

"I've never tried Shōchū, I'm more of a Sake person or I'll just drink beer- although that's rare of me because it's hell trying to find the best beer vender." You said while staring at the brown liquid in the glass, unsure if you should take the gulp.

"I don't even drink that much. I have black tea mostly. I only ordered myself a shot because you look like you need a drinking buddy- Yuki usually gets this." He shrugged and held the small glass out to you for a cheers.

"Yeah... you don't look like a drinker either." You said as your eyes glanced at his fingers, ignoring the golden band on his ring digit out of reflex. Such strong hands... Jesus... what a man he is...

"Oh? So you've been thinking about what I look like? Didn't think I'd be in your mind that quickly." He smirked while lifting a brow. Fucking tease. What is he smirking so many times for? You brushed off his statement and clashed your glass against his. Then cocked your head back and gulped the strong shot in less than a minute.

He drank his shot along with you and felt the sting of alcohol touch the back of his jaw. He winced along with you and felt his lips burn with numbness. His mouth watering as the taste was stronger than expected. He coughed a bit into his arm and cleared his throat. Glancing up at you to see that you were licking your lips, feeling the liquid on your bottom lip and taking the buzz with pride.

"That's so strong- I can't even fathom the taste..." You mumbled lowly but felt your nerves settle as your stomach burned with warmth that spread through your arms and legs, bursting out of your finger tips. Oddly enough the buzz transform inbetween your legs. Great- you forgot dark liquor arouses you over time depending on how much you drank. Your eyes met with Levi's as he wiped his mouth with a napkin and crumbled the tissue up. You stared at his lips for a moment, then at his hands. This time staring at his ring.

He noticed your eyes and trailed down to your clevage that was on full display in your dress. His lips pressing together and hand lifting to hide his growing smirk that was followed with a pleased 'Damn...' your finger traced the rim of the glass and brought attention to your hand. He saw your ring and memorized every detail in it. Your name was engraved in the silver band. He remembered his and set his glass down to tug at his own ring, making it seem like he was rearranging the tight fit but in reality. He wanted to take it off.

"Refils please?" You said to the bartender. Glancing at your cup along with Levi's. They gladly obliged and gave you two the same refill with the exact amount of strong dosage.

You then lifted your cup to his and smiled at him, uncrossing your legs and bringing your right one over the other instead. This movement brought attention to your soft thighs until you cleared your throat. "Cheers." You simply said which made him mindlessly bring his cup to yours. The small clink of glass was a nice sound you were familiar with hearing. Both of you took shots and quickly enjoyed the sting together. You were disgusted by it at first but now that you were relaxed, it didn't feel as bad.

You stared at his throat as he took the last gulp. His adams apple was strong and perfect. A deep sigh left your lips as you slammed your cup down, sliding it to the bartender needing another shot. Your brain was fuzzy with thoughts you should be ashamed to have. This moment was pleasing in many ways, not only you had Levi's attention on you and nothing else. You got to check him out in peace without being careful to not gaze too hard. You glanced at the table again and saw that Yuki was gone. Most likely at the bathroom.

"What did you cheers to?" He asked while clearing his throat again. "To luck. In hopes that both of us get really lucky tonight." You said keeping your meaning vague and hopping out of the chair.

He watched you as you walked off heading to the table again. Your hips swaying side to side, bringing attention to your body. He pulled on his tie thinking it was too tight and coughed lowly. Was it getting hot in here or was he just working up a sweat.

Get lucky? What did you mean by that? And why did he want to find out, badly.

____

It was hard for you or Levi to focus on the double date by now. You were over sitting here acting as if you didn't want to tearl him apart and rip his clothes off. You didn't care about anything else, just him and the burning pleasure blooming behind your clitorus. Your thighs squeezed together as you sighed and poked at your food. Enjoying what you had ordered but not going out of your way to eat it. You wanted something else in your mouth rather than this meal.

You watched Levi as he sipped his wine and licked the excess away. Bringing his fork up to his mouth and taking a bite of his steak. Yuki was closely knit by him, her fork making it's way onto his plate and taking a nice cut. She smiled at him and took the bite, he used his napkin to wipe his mouth but dropped it. He didn't want to be the customer that left a mess for the staff to clean up when he was able to clean it himself. He then ducked under the table and looked around to grab the white ball of tissue.

Just when he was about to reach out. You uncrossed your legs, revealing that you were wearing royale blue panties. He stared for a second longer then froze once you extended your leg out to brush up against his under the table. You brought your foot up and down his leg two times to make your pass more obvious to him. He then brought his head up from under the table and groaned while clearing his throat again. He put on a fake yawn and tossed his napkin on the table. Seeing you take a bite of your food and make a statement to your husband to tell him how you enjoyed your meal. Acting as if you didn't just make a risky pass at him.

Yuki then set her fork down and opened the menu again. Her eyes staring at the dessert section of the book. "Oohh Levi we should take some desert! What would you like?" She asked with a smile.

"Thank you for the date... you're such a good man~♡"

Levi heard you mumbled praises to your husband along with Yuki's question. He didn't want to answer her because he was too busy on hanging on every word you said. He turned his body to Yuki and placed his arm on the back of her chair. His eyes glaring at you though as you turned Y/h/n to face you, initiating a makeout session with him, sloppily kissing him and gasping into his mouth. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he caressed your arm, humming a response and chuckling at your sudden act of affection.

What was this feeling Levi was experiencing? Was it. Jealousy? Why? He can't feel jealous, you're married. Wait- HE'S married. And his wife is sitting right next to him. Why is he more focused on you than anything else. And how did you know? Your eyes opened as you stared right at him, giving him a look out the corner of your eye and stopping the kiss to smirk, allowing your husband to make kisses on your neck.

"Levi? Do you want carrot cake? That's your favorite still right?" Yuki asked making a suggestion. "Hm? Oh yeah- sure carrot cake... you know Yuki I'm exhausted... I think I'm going to call it in for the night." He said while fully looking at her.

She nodded in understanding and flagged the waiter that walked by. Asking him to get them dessert for to go and turned back to Levi. She remembered when he told her that he was tired earlier, he must need to lay down now then. "You know tonight was really nice. It was a pleasure to meet you two and Y/n! We should get to know eachother outside of this little meet up. You seem to be very sweet. Levi's tired and I'm almost getting there along with him." She said while placing her hand on his chest and caressing the back of his neck.

"Oh? Leaving so soon? You know what Y/h/n, we should go too... I have a long day tomorrow now that I think about it."

"Shit yeah- it's late. I have a meeting to hold tomorrow aswel."

Perfect timing. Now Levi could get a breather, he couldn't be in this restaurant anymore. Especially not with you eye fucking him from across the table while having a smile on your face.

____

When you got home Y/h/n was still lagging behind at the door. You kicked your heels off and unzipped your dress while looking in the mirror on the wall and uncliped your bra. A deep sigh leaving your lips as he rolled his eyes, stuffing his phone in his pocket and spoke up. "I got to go to the office, they need me to do some paperwork I dunno how long I'll be." Your interest was peaked, another night where he'd be somewhere else? Leaving you to be in your own bed?

"Can't you say no?" You said with an annoyed tone. "If I could I wouldn't even have told you, what do you care? You want me to stay here so we can argue? I'll pass." He said with a scoff.

"Whatever, just go if you're going to have a stick up your ass." You crossed your arms and placed your bodyweight on your left leg.

"I have that pain because of you."

"Well atleast one of us is having some company." You mumbled to yourself.

He didn't have time for your attitude so he left quickly and slammed the door behind him. You rolled your eyes and walked up to the window, watching him get into his car and pull off since the car was still on. Good ridense, the less you have to see him. The better.

You followed his car with your eyes. Making sure he was gone for sure. If he was going to pull back in it would've been right away. He was gone though, you were finally alone and knew it would be the same thing like every other night. You then grabbed your heels from the floor and walked upstairs, holding onto the railing tightly to successfully make your way to your room. That was until you heard a loud knock on the door. You turned around, dropping your shoes and heading back down.

You didn't even look out the window to see who it was. You opened the door and there stood Levi, his suit still on but tie ruined as he was struggling to take it off. He stood in your doorway, heavily breathing and staring into your eyes. His car was outside, he drove here that quickly? Whatever. Who cares about the logistics of the situation.

He stepped into the house without asking. You backed up, waiting for him to be inside so you could close the door. Once the door was closed you turned around again but this time was grabbed and pinned to it. Levi groaned and held your wrists over your head while tightly squeezing your jaw to turn your head so your neck was exposed. You whimpered at his assertiveness and started to yank at his suit jacket.

He allowed you to undress him, your dress was lazily on your body since you already unzipped it. Although he could have took it off correctly, his mind was making things hard for him to comprehend. He needed you and didn't care how hard he had to work for it. So he ripped off your dress and tore it from your body, leaving you in just your panties he saw earlier in the night. You pulled his tie, popping the buttons to his shirt and watching it fall off of him as there was nothing keeping it together.

Both of you managed to take things to the couch. He allowed you to push him down and get onto his lap, straddling him while you undid his belt while biting down on your lip and tossed the name brand piece of leather somewhere in the room. His eyes were glued to your bare chest, he quickly thought next and wrapped his dominant arm around your waist. Bringing his lips to your nipple and sucking on it intently while groaning, his tongue flicking up and down, side to side and in circles. He grunted loudly and used both hands to hold your breasts, bringing them together and flick his tongue inbetween them. Letting out a prideful moan and feeling your hips buck onto his lap as you held the arm of the couch.

You whimpered loudly and pushed his head down for him to stop. He allowed you to be rough as you got off of his lap, grabbing his hands to make him stand up. He groaned and held your jaw, bringing your eyes up to his and crashed his lips into yours while plopping down on the couch with you right alongside him to get his pants off. He watched you as you hurried up to get him undressed. Your fingers slipping passed the waistband of his breifs, your eyes looking at him hoping he'd allow you to go further. He nodded and moved his hips forward, a tent was forming by now. He wanted you to see what you did to him.

He needed you to see every inch of his body. This whole night was intense, he couldn't hold it back anymore. He needed you more than he wanted to and he had no regrets about what he was going to do. All he could think about was you.

You brought down his breifs as he raised his hips off the couch, planting his feet into the floor and watching your intrigued expression as his erection swung up hitting him in the stomach. You held his thighs and licked your lips, feeling the desire to have him in your mouth. This is much better than what you had at the restaurant. You held his inches in your hand and planted a kiss on him, he moaned lowly and held your hair in his hand so he could keep full eye contact with your lips as you showered his cock in wet prideful kisses.

You continued on for a moment until he grew bored and wanted the real thing. He lifted your head up with force, yanking your hair and making eye contact with you. Holding his erection in his hand at the base, slowly stroking himself while you nodded to him. Biting your lip and brought him into a makeout session while simotainiosly pulling your panties down from your hips. You straddled him once more, his hand holding your hip and inching down to give your ass a harsh slap. You moaned with a smile, wrapping your left hand around his neck and using your right to align him with your entrance.

He groaned while pushing his hips forward, his pulsating tip stretching you apart with every inch he slid inside of you. You moaned and nodded again, holding back words knowing they would be filled with lust. He threw his head back and slammed down your hips so you'd take him in completely. Both of you chocked on words and stayed still, attempting to fathom the act of becoming one. You moaned and grabbed his hands with yours. He watched you while carefully keeping his hips still. He stared at your hands as they held his. Your ring was on the same hand as his. He broke the hold with you for a moment and tugged at his ring like he did earlier in the night.

This time not ashamed to take it off instead of pretending like he was 'fixing the hold' of it. He tossed his ring on the coffee table, leaning forward but wrapping his arm around your waist to keep you from falling. You held his broad shoulders, staring at him the same way you were all night and wrapped your arm around his neck. He looked up at you, making vivid eye contact and biting his lip.

"Take it off." He simply stated and stood up, his hands scooped under your knees with a tight hold as he changed his footing to prepare himself for how he'd do this. You nodded with no questions and pulled your ring off aswel, tossing it to the floor rather than the coffee table. You looked over to the floor, seeing that the impact broke your diamond making your ring fall in two pieces. Levi then grunted and began to bounce you up and down his shaft, his hips thrusting forward in a steady rhythm to bring moans out of you. You whimpered while wrapping your other arm around his neck, throwing your head back and nodding.

You let out moans faster than you'd like to. Your fingers locking together on the back of his neck as he groaned with low moans while staring down at his hips as they slammed into yours, your clit brushing against his pelvis feeling his pubic hair brush up against you just right. Making you moan again and cry out loudly.

"Fhuuckkk MeeEee~"

Your words egged him on as you tightened around him. Your walls sucking on his shaft and squeezing pre-cum out of his tip. His hips thrusting faster now fucking the liquid up against your cervix. He threw his head back, becoming more loud with his sounds of pleasure and egged you on with his words. He sounded like he was taunting you rather than encouraging you. You didn't care what he meant, his voice was so sexy. You couldn't stop wanting him to be louder. "Uh-huh... aghhfuckkk~ take me all the way in that pretty pussy. You love it don't you? Yeah?" He questioned with his ego taking more control over him. You nodded and clenched around him again. "Yess yes! Huhhhh~ ughh yess! Right there- L-l-l-leeevvv-vii~♡"

He nodded and groaned loudly. His legs were giving out already, he then stopped and changed places to bring you down onto the coffee table and held your waist in his hands while you made sure to keep your legs open wide. You moaned while rolling your eyes back and held onto your ankles, now biting your lip and bringing your gaze back to him. He lifted his head up to stare down at you while letting out sloppy moans and random sentences. You smiled up to him, using your elbows to prop yourself up to stare closely at him and rest your legs on his shoulders. He then leaned into you, pressing his forehead on yours and staring much more intently at you to keep the eye contact. Your moans forcing his hips to penetrate you deeper and much more close to the back of your urethra.

"You're so tight- god dammit- and so fucking wet... aghhh thaaank youuu~♡" He whimpered uncontrollably while unable to break eye contact with you. You held the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair and of course feeling the stubble of his fresh undercut. Funny how you were thirsting over the simple thought of how it must've felt and here you are hours later experiencing it for yourself.

Your clit wouldn't stop throbbing. You felt too good. With the liquor still roaming in your system and him penetrating closely to your g-spot quicker than your husband ever could. You definitely felt words that you shouldn't say festering deep within you. You threw your head back to break eye contact, knowing that you couldn't keep this up. Those eyes... those same eyes from earlier that he used to examine every part of your face and truly see into you, not just what was outside but what was inside too. You didn't want him to look inside you, you knew that you were definitely a piece of work on the inside.

How much of a good person could you truly be? You were committing the worst crime a person could ever commit. Adultery... in which a person who is married goes against the contract of marriage and has sexual activities with another that wasn't the one they were wedded with.

You moaned again as you tried to stop thinking about the future of your choice. You didn't care but deep down knew that you should. Levi then slowed down his thrusts, yanking your hips off the coffee table and bending you halfway. Keeping your legs on his shoulder and lowly groaning while giving you deep, slow, sensual, and Intimate thrusting strokes. He had found your g-spot and didn't stop stimulating it. He wasn't thrusting into it, more so brushing up against it with the curvature of his shaft and using his tip to dig inwards. Stimulating your body in ways you didn't know possible.

Your nipples and clitorous began to tingle in unison. You couldn't deal with this pleasure but your body wanted more of it. Your blood was warming up and heartbeat was racing. As your clit tingled your legs extended out while still on his shoulder, making him chuckle as he grabbed them and pinned them to the table. Scooping his hands under your knees once more like before and picking up speed just a bit, you were moaning but you also were trying to hide how good you were feeling. Purposely placing your hands on your mouth to muffle your sounds as your eyebrows furrowed and eyes were little to closed.

"Say my name. Fucking moan my name Y/n." He demanded with a groan.

You denied him and shook your head in disagreement. You couldn't moan his name again, if you let out anything else you knew exactly what would come after. You can't... don't say anything to him... don't look into his eyes- don't moan his name- Don't Give In.

He threw his head back and groaned. Using his right hand to apply pressure to your stomach and continuing to stroke your g-spot but with a much more consistant steady speed. He knew for sure that his deep strokes from earlier would make you scream, but you're too busy acting like you can't. "Say my fucking name. Say it... what's my name? Tell me?" He repeatedly said with a light tone instead of demanding you. His hips rolling into circles to message your deepest hard to reach areas. You began to cry, he watched your eyes well up with tears as he thrusted. A smirk on his face by now taking pride in himself. "Say my name. Go on, say it... who's so deep inside you that you're on the verge of sobbing out of stimulation? Don't you feel it?-" He then pressed into your stomach more than once. "I'm so deep inside you that you can feel me in your stomach. I'm not stopping until you tell me what my name is baby."

You finally moved your hands from your mouth and allowed your tears to fall. Where was he all those years ago when you were about to get married? Why show up now when you could've been the one who was his wife. You could've had his last name instead. You wanted to be his wife, you wanted to be his everything. Your emotions were making this much more important for you. You needed him. You needed him... you needed-

"Levi! Levi!Levi!Levi!Leviiii! Leviiii! I Need Youuu Leviiii!~"

Tears rushed out of your eyes as you couldn't think anymore. Letting go of the guilt and remorse you held onto from a few moments prior. You felt your orgasm creeping around the corner. You knew it would be a big wave of arousal, you couldn't fight it. You wanted him to make you come. You were going to come weather you wanted to or not.

A few more strokes to your g-spot had your mouth open agape. You were about to let out another shameless moan until he brought his hips back and slipped out of you. A groan and slippery popping sound filling the room. Before you could react to him with annoyance that he stopped, you felt his tongue swipe on your clit.

You stared down at him and saw his head resting inbetween your thighs as his tongue did all the work and flicked back and forth. Making slippery licks on the sensitive bundle of nerves that felt like it was going to explode. You moaned again, both of your hands on the back of his head as you forced more of your clit into his mouth. Head thrown back and hips raising from the table out of reflex. Your toes curled as he lapped up his tongue on every inch of you instead of just your clit alone. He sloppily licked and sucked on your entrance, using his fingers to spread you apart and keep you exposed so he could devour every part.

"Hmmlsshhhhh sshhoo wheehhttghh~ anthh hwtheett~" He spoke into you while bringing his eyes up to yours, glaring up at you while you cried out his name again and pulled his hair in your hands.

("Hmmlsshhhhh so wet~ and sweet~")

"I'm coming- I think? Ughh I don't know anymore... thaannkk youuu~♡"

With those words Levi then proceeded to lift his head from your thighs and brought his tongue out to lick his lips until he stared at your expression. Needing to have his lips on yours no matter what. He called out your name which made you look at him with a dazed expression. He held your face and brought his lips onto yours, forcing you to taste yourself and in fact confirm that you were sweet. You moaned into his mouth while placing your hand on his chest. Other hand wrapping around his neck again to bring him closer.

The kiss broke eventually and there the both of you were. Out of breath, sweaty, utterly turned on, and almost at the edge of orgasm. "I need you." You whimpered, holding his face with your right hand hand and caressing the apple of his cheek with your thumb. "I need you too... I wanted to fuck you ever since we started talking at the bar."

"I wanted to fuck you since the first time I laid eyes on you... you turn me on so much Levi~" You encouraged and brought both arms around his neck to keep him close. He kissed your neck on the same spot your husband did. For some reason his lips felt much better, his canines dragging across your skin as he wanted to bite you and leave a hickey but knew that would be risky.

You moaned and felt the back of his neck again, whimpering his name and begging softly into his ear.

Your words encouraged him to take you off of the coffee table and onto the floor. He laid on his back while having you on top of him. Your arms still hugged around his neck while he aligned himself back up to your dripping used entrance that was pulsating and clenching around nothing as you desired to be stuffed again.

"Look at me. Just like that baby. Rock your hips for me- aghh fuck- Nghhhh... j-just like- thaaatt~"

You leaned upwards and placed your left hand on his knee for support while your right one was placed on his chest. You moaned loudly while throwing your head back and bouncing yourself up and down his shaft while allowing your entrance to meet at the base of his cock. This time he moaned and whimpered for you to keep going. His head thrown back as he tried to keep his eyes open so he could focus on your perfect body. Your breasts were his favorite part of you. He couldn't take his eyes off of them even if he tried to stare at the bulge in your stomach as you rode him. He softly whined but covered his mouth. Trying to hold onto his composure until you grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the floor on both sides of his head. You made eye contact with him while rotating your hips in circles and nodded down to him while placing your fingers in his mouth, encouraging him to suck them.

You bounced your hips up and raised them all the way until his tip was inside, then swirled your hips in a circle before sliding back down and grinding your hips in various ways. Levi groaned and sucked your fingers, he felt ashamed by doing this but the greedfull smirk you gave while looking down at him felt- rewarding?

"Ughhh-hhhhaahhhff~ s-st-stop~♡" He gasped with a whimper while feeling a pleasured tingle in his balls.

"You feel so good inside me~♡ don't you love how tight I am... speak up for me Levi~"

His ego wouldn't allow him to be submissive towards you. But he was already drunk off of you. Tasting you early in the way he did and managing to get you to moan his name made him proud. He desired you the more he watched you ride him.

"Fffuck m-mee... please- f-fuck me..." He begged while getting out of your hold and snatched your hands up into his. The two of you made eye contact once more. Low soft moans left your lips as your hips came to a stop, giving him the opportunity to thrust into you while letting your hands go and placing his hand around your throat, gently squeezing while you nodded and leaned upwards once more. This time throwing your head back and bucking your hips back and forth, in a circle and clenching yourself around him.

"I'm closeee~ haaaahh~"

"Mhm... I want you to come on my dick... can you do that? Please come on my fucking dick baby~" He whimpered uncontrollably and squeezed his hand tighter. You held his wrist gently and nodded, letting out small moans.

The eye contact you two kept was intense. Not only you were feeling it, he was too. All he could think about was you. Just seeing you and feeling your insides was all he wanteded this whole day. He knew from the moment he laid his eyes on you that he would risk everything going for him just to have atleast one night with you. He didn't care about his marriage or the life he'd have after, according to him this was heaven.

You moaned again but this time stopped your hips. You moaned softly while leaning down to him, holding his face with you right hand and having your other hand pressed on the floor. Both of you paused for a moment, his arms wrapped around your waist while you bit your lip and laid a soft kiss on his lips. You were an amazing kisser, he could taste your juices along with the strong alcohol you had earlier in the night. He kissed you again, this time pulling your bottom lip in his teeth and tilting his head to the side for better leverage. You ran your fingers through his hair tugging lightly and feeling his stubble.

You broke the kiss for air and held the side of his face once more. He pressed his forehead onto yours to continue eye contact and soon leaned up while having his arms around you. "I don't care about anything else but you right now." He lowly spoke to you in your ear and held your ass in his hands. Bouncing you up and down and groaned. You put your hands on the floor for support while he picked up the pace, thrusting faster into you with force and moaning loudly. "Yeah? Mhm... you make me feel so fucking good... I'm going to come soon-"

"Good... keep looking at me until you come- your eyes are so beautiful. I can't look away from them. I don't want to look away."

Levi glanced over his shoulder at your ring. It was broken from when he told you to take it off, he groaned in annoyance as he thought about how your husband treated you all night. He didn't even look at you or talk about you once. You clearly were being neglected in your marriage with him and it pissed him off to know that a women like you wasn't being taken care of.

That feeling of jealousy tried to resurface but then he remembered that he was the one inside of you right now. Making you moan his name and feel good all throughout your body. Y/h/n didn't deserve you, he did. You shouldn't have to be drinking everytime when in public with him to get through the night. You also shouldn't be in the arms of another because he wasn't doing his job as your husband.

Yuki didn't cross his mind at all. He glanced at his own ring but felt nothing towards it. If anything he was relieved to not have that charm of regret on his body. He wasn't thinking about the future, just you and him. How good you felt around him and how you had your hands on his chest, nails slightly digging into his skin as you softly whimpered. "Leviiii~ I'm so close~"

You turned his head so he could face you, finding his lack of eye contact a bit annoying. He brought you back down to the floor and wrapped your legs around his waist, now deeply stroking your g-spot like before and groaning loudly while staring into your eyes again. He buried his face into your neck and moaned your name while rutting his hips into you knowing that he'd finally come. Your legs locked him in place, back arching and head throwing back as you moaned his name for the last time.

He grabbed your hands and squeezed them again. His knuckles turning blush red as the pleasure running through his body was overflowing. "I love you! I'm coming! AghhFUCK-"

Woah. You hope he knew that you wouldn't be saying that back. Although it did make you feel good to hear him say it. Along with the fact that he said it first.

He continued to tell you those words like a broken record while his thrusts became sloppy and undone. You moaned for the last time as a knot formed in your stomach and exploded faster than you could take your next breath. That same warmth rushing through your body like before and bursting out of your finger tips. You cried out his name once more before wrapping both arms around his neck to keep the closesness.

Levi groaned and pulled out of you, his cock bursting with come and instantly covering your stomach. The cold air engulfing his sensitive, dwindling erection draining and slowly while also becoming soft. Heavily breathing until you looked up at him. You allowed him to bring you into his arms and hold your face, sloppily kissing you while you came down from your high, whimpering into his mouth and taking your legs off of his waist.

____

You and Levi didn't depart ways just yet. Instead the two of you laid together on the couch while you had the faux fur throw blanket over the both of you. His arm was around you while you rested your head on his chest, playing with his left hand hearing his calm heartbeat in the process.

"So what now?" He said breaking the silence and glancing down at you.

"I don't know. That was- something..." You leaned upwards and watched him as he grabbed his ring from the coffee table. Staring at it with a look of disgust and sliding it back on his finger. "Guess it's back to reality then. Look- let's keep this between us alright?-"

"Yeah of course. What? Did you think I was going to tell Y/h/n the second I saw him? He doesn't have to know." You dryly said then got off the couch, using the blanket to cover yourself up while Levi grabbed a throw pillow to place on his lap. He watched you in awe as you grabbed your ring, sliding it on your finger and picking up the diamond as it broke earlier.

"Shit. I'll have to get this fixed." You said with an annoyed tone.

The silence was starting to become unbearable. 'Back To Reality' he says... it's easy for him to say when there's actually love and physical attention present in his marriage. Reality set in that Levi didn't truly belong to you. Instead he was Yuki's husband. Just seeing them sitting across from you was heartwrenching, it made you jealous on many levels. You wanted to experience love while being married. You hadn't felt that in a long time and the lack of affection was making you bitter and cold.

Both of you were already married to other people and this little rendezvous was over. Sex with him was actually amazing. But you wouldn't tell him that at all. You just wanted to be in his arms forever, but you can't... because He's Not Yours.

You looked at Levi as he was face-palming by now, pinching the bridge of his nose in stress and glancing up at you. "I called in a favor at work so he'd be out of the picture tonight. I didn't want things to end without me seeing you... especially after what you did at the end of dinner, all night... I couldn't just shake you off you know." He stared at the floor once you turned around to try eye contact with him. He didn't know what he was saying or why he was even saying it.

"All that just to have sex with me? Don't you think you doing that would be suspicious if this ever got out? And what about your wife. If I was her I'd be up at any hour to see you walk through the door." You shrugged and wrapped your body up with the blanket.

"Why won't you divorce him? Aside from what we did- it's clear that you aren't happy with him. He's a jackass, I saw it the whole night... you were eyeing Yuki and I everytime we'd share a kiss or anything remotely intimate." He called you out because he had to know why on earth would you settle. It angered him slightly to know that you put up with him.

"I don't know. Levi you should go, he could come back and your car is outside still. It's time we get back to reality remember?" You deflected while watching him fiddle with his ring again.

"I want to see you again." He asked, his voice softening with his words.

"We're married. We can't see eachother openly, don't go falling in love with me now. This is a one time thing."

God damn you were in denial. You knew this wasn't going to be a one time thing. You craved the level of intamcy Levi provided for you. Why won't you admit it already. "I'm not falling in love with you. But you know that this won't be a one time thing. I should go now... I have work, I also hope that tomorrow is one of those days that you choose to show up and remind everyone that Y/h/n is married. Certain people seem to need a reminder."

You didn't say anything as he grabbed his clothes and quickly got dressed. He sighed heavily and stepped into his shoes while looking back at you. He was about to say something but you weren't looking at him to notice. You were too busy having a mental fight with yourself. Stop being so dry and atleast hug him before he leaves- you do want to smell his cologne... and second thought... he smelled amazing the whole night.

You then walked up to him and placed your hands on his shoulders. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted a brow, wondering what you were going to do or say. You landed a kiss on his lips, holding his jaw and turning your head to the side. Your tongue slipping into his mouth slightly before he turned towards you aswel and leaned back onto the wall. His hands attaching onto your waist, tempted to take the throw blanket off of your body.

Your hands slid down to his chest again. You pushed him away from you so you could breathe and also gain composure again. Levi pressed his lips together feeling the desire to kiss you again and not stop. He bit his lip slightly and chuckled while running his fingers through his hair, remembering that he had to go. "Goodnight to you too Y/n..."

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shannygoatgruff · 3 years

Text

Only Fan(s) - A Thriller

Genre: Thriller

Pairing: Modern Ivar/OC

Warning: Language, sex, stalking, obsession, kidnapping, sexual assault

Rating: MA+18

Summary: Sometimes OnlyFans subscribers want a little more than internet pictures. Sometimes they want to be your ONLY fan…

Header by: @flowers-in-your-hayr

Thanks to @xbellaxcarolinax for being my beta.

Disclaimer: This story will deal with some topics that might be a little uncomfortable for some people. As always, I’ll try to tackle the hard stuff as tactfully as possible.

a/n: I know it’s been a minute. I’m always thinking about these stories because I want to finish them, just can’t seem to focus on writing at the moment. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Part iv - Date with Destiny

Finding Ivar Lothbrok should have been easy. Between the two of them, he was the stable one. He was the one with the iron-clad schedule that consisted of drinking, smoking, and partying. Torren’s schedule was a bit more... fluid. She tended to go wherever the wind, or whatever car she acquired, would take her. Naturally, Ivar had the occasional meet-and-greet, red carpet, and/or Comic-con engagement that he had to attend, still, he was pretty easy to keep tabs on. All one had to do was look at (stalk) his social media accounts, and his whereabouts were posted for everyone to see.

Knowing where he’d be and finding out where he lived were a different story. Torren had done her due diligence when it came to locating the town in which Little Kattegat was located. It only took about two days and a few Google image searches of the background of a few of the photos and she had it narrowed down to a general area in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

From what she could tell, the closest town to where he lived was pretty small, and there were only a few large estates hidden in the woods. How hard could it be to find? She was willing to drive to every single house and knock on the door to find him if she had to. But it would just be easier if there was loud music and a bunch of cars in the driveway. That way she could tag along inside with the rest of the guests to get to her man.

Her shirt landed in the pile of dirty clothes in the center of the bed, as she reached around to unhook her bra. “I really need to tell Baby Boo to stop putting all of his business out in these streets,” her brows furrowed as she shook her head, “What if some crazy, psycho bitch started stalking him, or some shit? Then I’d have to kill a bitch.” Torren’s head whipped around and she narrowed her eyes at his picture, still stuck on her wall, “Is that what you want? Huh? You want me to cut a bitch to prove to you how much I love you? I will, Bae! You know I would do anything for you. I’m your Ride or Die...”

And being his Ride or Die meant that she needed to keep better tabs on him if she was going to protect him from someone crazier than her, God forbid. She was only able to do so much on this prepaid phone, and going to the library to get online was becoming a pain in the ass.

She’d considered stealing a laptop or iPad from the library but was still on the fence about the idea. Of course, the alternative meant going to stupid ass libraries and threatening little kids to get off the fucking computers, and that completely sucked ass.

She always felt rushed when she logged onto her Bae’s Only Fans page from the public library. Without fail one of those little bastard kids would get the library Nazis to kick her off the computer, or bar her from the library altogether for watching porn.

Ivar’s page wasn’t porn! It was art. It was sexy. It was love...his love for her. Stupid bitches.

She had encountered far worse things than getting kicked out of the library, but some of these small towns usually only had one or two within their county limits. If she got banned, how was she supposed to check up on Ivar? In the time it took to log in until she got kicked out, she'd be lucky if she could check 2 of his accounts. What if he had some important information on another platform that she hadn’t checked yet? What was she supposed to do then?

Her relationship with Ivar was hanging in the balance, and she'd be damned if some snot-nosed kid or fucking uptight librarian would fuck that up. She needed a computer. But, on the flip side, when she finally got her man back, she wouldn't need one anymore. She could ask him directly what their plans were.

There was a lot to consider and that took time; time that she didn't have right now.

The thick layer of Nair shaving cream she had applied to her already hairless crotch, was just starting to tingle, signaling she had about 5 minutes left before the sweat-inducing, burning sensation would kick in alerting her to wash the cream off. Until then, she had time to consider an outfit for the night.

She knew Ivar well enough to know that he would want her to be sexy for him, but not so much to distract him from work. She could have gone for something slutty, like those skanky bitches he partied with. She could have gone for more demur, but then she would remind him too much of his bitch ex-wife and completely turn him off. The last thing she wanted on their first night back together was for him to be thinking about that bitch. She could have gone for a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but Torren never did simple.

No, Ivar would want her to be herself. That's what he loved about her. That's what attracted him to her in the first place. She would be sexy without being skanky; she would be demure without being a prude.

Fuck! It was already 7:33 p.m. How in the hell did she miss the beginning of his Live? Now she was running late.

She was supposed to be dressed and ready by the time his Live came on that way she could be out the door as soon as he finished. If she was going to make it to be on his Only Fans live stream tonight, she needed to get to his house before he got too distracted. Now, she’d have to watch his Live, while her cooch burst into flames before she had a chance to take a shower and finish picking out her outfit.

If there was one thing Torren was, it was punctual. It was bad enough that she was about 40 minutes outside of his town, but it could take her up to 2 or more hours to find his house. She only hoped that he didn’t plan on starting any real freaky shit on his Only Fans page until around midnight, cause it looked like she wouldn’t be getting there before then, anyway.

With the smile still plastered on her face, Torren turned on the hot water for a shower, forgetting that the water didn’t get hot. She didn't mind, much, especially since the cold water gave her a break from the heat in her room.

Phone in hand, she watched him, as she planted herself on the dirty bathtub floor, cross-legged, and started to get herself ready. Starting with her toes, she shaved each one, just below the knuckle, followed by her fingers, arms, pits, and each leg, from groin to ankle, three times. When the burning from her nether regions was so intense that she couldn’t tell her tears from the shower water dripping on her face, she quickly washed off the cream.

All she could do was hope that she hadn’t broken the skin this time. The last time she had let that damn Nair stay on, just past burning, the skin broke and she bled. She was not having a bloody hoo-ha tonight.

With that taken care of, she gently used the razor to remove any other pubes closer to the inside that needed to be removed. Then shaved her backside. When she had more time, she was going to get the internal hairs bleached, but she needed to find out what Ivar preferred.

Shaving ate up so much of her time that she only had a few seconds to rub some body-wash that she had stolen from a drug store over her body and hoped it got rid of the smell of the summer heat. Her hair? Fuck it...she’d wash it another day, for now, this cold water would have to be enough. She’d spritz some perfume and hair spray in it and it would smell fine.

Torren finished her shower, and walked out of the bathroom dripping wet, only using a towel to wrap around her hair. She was glad it was so hot in her room that her hair would air-dry quickly. She finger-combed her damp tresses to complete that ‘just got out of bed, but it's styled’ appearance. She knew how much he loved when her hair looked like that. It would remind him of freshly fucked hair.

She spent extra time applying her makeup, even using an extra dark, thick application of eyeliner. She usually went for more subtle warm colors. They matched her tan skin tone better. But, tonight, she had bold, dark makeup, complete with varying shades of purple and blue eye shadows, and dark purple lipstick.

Torren was glad that she decided to match Ivar’s clothes this evening. The swim trunks and smoking jacket he wore would compliment her beautifully. She wanted everyone to know that they dressed alike, the way real couples do. If he was going for less is more, so would she.

She settled on black leather chaps that tied up on the sides, and tight blue boy shorts that left the bottom half of her ass cheeks exposed. The blue shorts brought out the blue swirls in his trunks; she knew he'd appreciate that touch. Her top was a blue bandanna that she wore as a halter with a short black leather jacket with tassels on the sleeves.

They screamed “couple” in her eyes.

Completely satisfied with how she looked, Torren locked the door to her motel room and started down the hall. She deliberately stopped by the window and peered through the partially opened blinds of the people staying next door to her. She knocked on the window to get the attention of the young couple inside. Judging from their appearance, they were too strung out to know who she was, or that it was her music that they constantly banged on the wall about. She didn’t care. She still flipped them off before making her way to the stairs.

Reaching her hand through the busted window of the blue Ford Taurus to unlock the door from the inside. Torren slid into the driver's seat and leaned over to find the two cords that she had pulled out from under the steering column when she stole the car. Flicking the cords together, she listened as the engine reluctantly turned over.

She put the car in reverse, looked in the rear-view mirror at her makeup, then pulled out of the spot. As she turned onto the road leading to the highway, she listened to the knocks, bumps, and hisses that her car made. There wasn't time to do much about it now; not when she was on her way to get her man. But, she made a mental note to do something about it later in the week. The only thing she could do was turn the music up louder to drown out the car noise.

Truthfully, she should have stolen a better car than the piece of shit Taurus that she found in the parking lot of the Quickie Mart while driving through Tulsa, Oklahoma. There were plenty of better cars there to choose from but no one would have wanted to take this one. It was so sad looking that she took pity on it. She had been doing the owner of this crap car a favor, by taking it off of their hands.

The car was truly fucked. The oil light stayed on, and it drank gas like her mother drank liquor. The car had protested every inch of the ride across the three states that she traveled through in one day. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before that piece of shit breathed its last breath.

She needed to get gas again, but fuck that car. She had already refueled four times since she stole it. Gas wasn't cheap and she wasn't putting another dime in that gas guzzler. Speaking of money, she made a mental note to steal another credit card. It would only be a matter of time before the owner of the one that was tucked snugly between her left breast and strapless bra, would eventually realize that it had been lifted from the table in the diner, and canceled.

Laptop, butt bleaching, car, credit card, and more eyeliner from Walgreen's…her To-Do list was growing. She really needed to take some time off and take care of the necessities. Not tonight, though. She had other things to do. She couldn't do anything else, right now, but get to her man. Besides, once Lothbrok was by her side, he would help her remember all the things she needed to do.

As she came off of the highway exit smoke started billowing out from the engine. It backed up through the exhaust system, and came through the vents, inside the cabin. It was ironic – the air-conditioning vents in the car didn't work, but they seemed to work well enough to clog the inside of the car up with thick white smoke. She drove a few more miles before the smoke was so thick that she could no longer see. As she pulled the car over to the graveled shoulder of the road, the car knocked and shook, before it finally cut off.

Just her fucking luck.

She reached under the dash to flick the cords against each other again, trying to force the ignition to catch again, but it wouldn't. The engine had nothing left to give her. "Fuck Murphy and fuck his fucking law," she said calmly as she pulled the hood release.

She opened the car door, taking care to place both black, platform boots on the ground before lifting her backside from the seat. Placing her sunglasses on her eyes, she walked with one foot in front of the other to the front of the Taurus and placed her hand on the hood. It was hot, but not so hot that she couldn't feel under the front of the lever.

As she lifted the heavy metal hood and placed the rod in the slot to hold it in place, Torren let the smoke from the engine engulf her. It was quite a head rush breathing in the thick engine smoke through her nose, and exhaling it from her mouth. She patiently waited for the smoke to thin out before she bent, at the waist, over the engine. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she knew that someone would see her looking over the engine and stop to help her.

Now, if only someone would actually come down this dark stretch of road, she could be back on her way to Ivar.

It didn't take long before a pair of headlights rounded the bend of the road, just off to her right. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she accentuated the leather, chaps against her hips, and lifted her ass higher in the air, to catch the driver's attention. She couldn't help but smirk when she heard the tires of a large vehicle turn onto the graveled pavement in front of where she broke down. She didn't turn to face the car or the driver. She didn't care who they were or what they looked like. She had an appointment to keep and this pit stop was fucking up her timetable.

"You need some help?" A deep voice asked as its owner approached her.

Torren took a moment to peer around the hood, noticing that there were no other cars around. "Broke down," she answered, continuing to bear her weight from one hip to the other. She placed her hands on the metal frame of the car, arched her back, and looked at the man over her shoulder. "You know something about cars?"

"Yeah," he replied, moving around to her side, looking at her, and not the smoky engine.

She gave him half a smile, as she noticed him notice her. "You a mechanic or something?" She asked standing up. She rubbed her hands together to remove some of the visible engine soot while considering the guy in front of her. He was about 6 feet tall with a moderate build. He was dressed in blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and Timberland boots. He didn't look like he was more than 25 years old. Judging from the way he was looking at her and from the ring on his left hand, he wasn't too worried about her car, or his wife, for that matter.

"Nah, not a mechanic, but I work on my own car... in my spare time." He smiled when she did. She was gorgeous, in that slutty kind of way. She wouldn't be dressed like that and leaning over the hood of a car if she wasn't looking to have some fun. "Lemme take a look at it."

Did he work on his car? Hopefully, that meant that his ran better than hers did.

Torren moved over to the side and let him take the position under the hood. "I'll be right back," he explained before walking over to the bed of his F150.

Grabbing a flashlight from the trunk, he took a second to admire the view of her, from behind. If he could get her car moving again, she would hopefully follow him to this cheap motel he knew that was just up the highway.

He leaned in close, taking a whiff of her hair, "You overheated…want to check the coolant level."

She had heard him say something else but she had stopped listening; she was too busy watching the street. "You want me to try to start it?" she asked, removing her sunglasses before making her way to the driver's door. She wasn't sure if he answered or not. She had no intention of driving the Taurus again, even if he could get it started. She just needed to get something out of the car.

She slid into the seat and reached down on the floor. She found the hard metal object on the floor of the passenger's side and gripped it tightly. As she walked back around to the front of the car, she heard him talking, presumably about the car, or maybe he was asking her out. Who the fuck knows? She was on a tight schedule and all of his chatting was holding her up. She stood by the side of the hood, looking at the angle he was leaning over the hood. Quickly, she lifted her arm, and with one powerful blow, she struck him in the head with the crowbar that she used to procure her now-defunct car.

Torren stood over his body, looking at him intensely. God, it felt good. The rush of knowing that one minute this dude was towering over her, and the next he was on the ground. She had dropped his ass. She was the one with the power.

"Thanks," she said, digging her hand in his pocket to retrieve his cash, credit card, and the keys to his truck. She wiped the blood on the crowbar on his shirt before walking to her new mode of transportation.

Torren sat in the truck's driver's seat and turned on the engine. She had managed to cross two things off of her To-Do list without even planning to.

Thank God the truck had air conditioning. All this heat and humidity was bound to make her hair frizzy. She cranked the AC up as high as it would go and sat still for a moment enjoying the cool air. After a minute, she adjusted the seat and tilted the rearview mirror to look at herself. She was starting to sweat and her eyeliner was starting to run just a bit at the corners of her eyes. She dabbed at the black liner to even out the lines, and then pushed the mirror back to where she could see. Giving the area another once-over, she made sure that no one else had seen her interaction with that guy on the ground, before pulling out from the gravel and onto the paved street.

"Ugh!" Torren yelled. Chester Bradley, the printed name on the credit card, had shitty taste in music. She pushed the stereo button on the steering wheel to do a scan of the radio. Anything was better than country music. Once she found some trap music on the XM radio, she turned up the volume and pulled back onto the highway.

Part iii/

Tags: @ideagarden-blog1 @youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @a-mess-of-fandoms @didiintheblog @conaionaru @peachyboneless @flowers-in-your-hayr @heavenly1927 @zuxiezendler @waiting4inspiration @saldelys @revolution-starter

#OnlyFan(s)#modern ivar #shannygoat #shannyland #Date with Destiny

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thran-duils · 4 years

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Use All of Me (P.10)

Title: Use All Of Me (Part Ten) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Steve Rogers. The Avengers are heroes saving the world but in this AU, they are also permitted by the powers in charge to have less than favorable business underneath their guise of mere superheroes. Steve and Tony are at the helm, keeping their empire’s wealth in check, both devious and perilous if crossed. Steve takes a liking to the reader at a party and it may be her undoing to her autonomy choosing to go home with him. Words: 2,259 Warnings: Dark AF, angst, emotional/mental abuse, smut, breeding, death

Part Nine || Part Eleven || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“I gotta run,” Natasha informed Wanda quietly, pulling her aside.

“Is there a problem?” Wanda asked concerned.

“Not yet.”

“Okay?” Wanda said, cocking an eyebrow.

Natasha was not going to give her anything else at the moment before she talked to Steve. “It’s fine. Don’t let Y/N worry about me being gone. Help her enjoy the party.”

“Alright,” Wanda responded, and Natasha nodded, before turning on her heel and walking off quickly to make sure to be out of the house before Y/N and Natalie emerged from the bathroom.

On her way out the door to her car, Natasha texted Steve.

I’m on my way to Tony’s. Don’t leave until I get there.

Is there something wrong?

Not immediate. I’ll be there soon.

<> <> <>

Natalie pulled away from you after a while – she had to have let you cry for a good few minutes – and wiped at your tears. “Here,” she said gently, leaving you to go towards the linen cupboard. She pulled out a washcloth and grabbed a small handful of toilet paper too. You thanked her, sniffling, wiping at your tears before using the tissue to blow your nose. You were sure you looked cute with snot hanging out there.

“Look. What can you do? Realistically?” Natalie asked you quietly.

Your shoulders slumped and you whispered, “Nothing.”

“No, not nothing, Y/N. You can hold your chin up,” Natalie told you, her fingers pushing your chin up as she spoke. She paused before asking, “Are you willing to leave the babies behind?”

Chewing on your bottom lip, you pondered for a few seconds. You ended up shaking your head. “I… I thought so when this first all started out. But how can I leave two babies behind? They would financially be well taken care of, yes. But… I just can’t,” you said breathing shakily. “I don’t know if I could live with myself.”

“Well, I was only asking because I wondered if you did… if you thought Steve would leave you be. Even if you ran off.”

You shook your head again, giving a humorless laugh. “No, I don’t think Steve would leave me be. Bryce said he didn’t think Steve would kill me if I ran away. Which to me insinuates he would hurt or kill anyone else who tried to help me. I am hard pressed to believe that he wouldn’t want to kill me though. He’s not a man to wound, especially emotionally. Everyone talks to me like I’m… his property. That I’m carrying his property too.”

Solemnly, Natalie told you, “Some people treat others that way. That’s obsession, not love.”

“Or they’re all just misogynistic fucks. I mean… Pepper even told me that she dealt with it with Tony! He threatened to shoot me a couple weeks ago, by the way.”

“Excuse me?” Natalie demanded, staring at you in absolute shock.

There was a sharp knock at the door.

“Y/N?” Miriam called from outside the door. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’ll be out in a second,” you called back. To Natalie, you whispered, “Shit, we have been in for a long while.”

Natalie grasped your shoulders, “You go out there. I’m going to go upstairs and pack you a bag.”

“What?” you asked flabbergasted.

“You heard me. My cousin has a cabin in New Hampshire. I’m going to take you there and then we can figure out what we are going to do next.”

“I—” you tried to argue but Natalie shushed you.

“Go out there. Be with them.”

“Natalie, I can’t,” you hissed, thinking of Wanda and Natasha out in the living room. “You just told me I didn’t have a plan! Plus, Tony’s got technology everywhere and Steve won’t let me go. Did you miss me saying he would ki—”

“If we leave during this party while everyone is distracted, Y/N, they won’t know which direction we went.”

“Your license plate—”

Natalie covered your mouth and said, “We need to stop arguing about this and just do it. I’m not going to leave here without you. It has to be now.”

She stared deep into your eyes, challenging you to argue with her. You knew you were not going to be able to convince her to drop this idea, not with the fire burning in her eyes.

When she knew you were not going to say anything more, her hand fell. You swallowed thickly and turned to the mirror, wiping at your eyes one more time. “Good thing we already took pictures,” you muttered before going to the door and throwing it open.

Miriam’s brow creased seeing Natalie in there with you but you looped arms with her before she could say anything. “Sorry, I just needed to get some stress out. Poor Natalie had to endure that.” You threw a look over your shoulder at Natalie who was slow to leave the bathroom, mouthing her a thanks.

Your heart was pounding in anticipation.

<> <> <>

Natalie waited until Miriam and Y/N were out of sight before turning and going towards the entrance hall to the stairs leading upstairs. Quietly, she made her way up the stairs and searched around the second floor, looking for their bedroom.

There was a note on a door handle she passed by and she hesitated.

Don’t open until after you open your gifts. Love you, Steve.

Curiosity got the better of her and she opened the door, thinking it was possibly their bedroom and Steve had left her something on their bed. Behind the door though laid the nursery. She swallowed sharply seeing balloons attached to the crib, no doubt a gift Steve had left in surprise for Y/N. It was oak grey, matching the dresser.

Quickly closing the door, Natalie continued on, trying to not think about the cameras that she was more than likely being filmed on right now and what Y/N had warned her about Steve’s wrath. Getting her friend to safety was more important than worrying about the what-ifs.

<> <> <>

Finding Natasha gone quelled your nausea slightly but not entirely. One less Avenger on the premises was cause for you to be more hopeful about Nataile’s rash plan working. Especially since Bryce was in the theater room, engrossed in a Michael Bay-esque film.

You grasped Yua’s arm as the group merged towards the patio where the cake was waiting and another few yard games. You asked her quietly, “You came with Natalie, right?”

“Mhm,” Yua affirmed, holding your arm back.

“When you two leave, I am going with you.”

“What?”

“Not so loud,” you whispered to her. “You just… if you don’t want to get involved, then get a ride home with Miriam. Please.”

“’Involved’? Y/N, what is going on?” Yua asked, stopping you and making you face her.

You leaned in and whispered, “I’m leaving. Natalie is taking me. She’s packing me a bag – hopefully getting herself some clothes too.” You were being vague, worrying still about the security cameras. “There is a lot of risk. Now, think about it. I need to go cut my cake and act normal.”

Without another word, you left her there, moving towards the table where the rest of the ladies were gushing over how beautiful the cake was.

<> <> <>

Steve was on Natasha as soon as she pulled up and got out of the car.

“Can we go inside?” she asked, staring up at him.

It did not seem like he wanted to wait because he rolled his eyes but stepped back and she moved around him, him on her heels.

“What happened?” Steve demanded as he followed her through the front door.

“Where’s Tony?”

“Why am I being dragged into this?” Tony drawled as she walked in from the hallway. He was on the couch in front of the flatscreen, arms sprawled along the back of the couch.

“Because it’s your man too.”

Tony was interested suddenly, sitting up straighter. Steve stood off to the side of the couch, waiting impatiently for Natasha to get to the point.

She met his eyes and asked seriously, “Has Bryce talked to you? About Y/N asking him for help to leave?”

Steve’s face pinched. “No,” he said sharply. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh boy,” Tony breathed out, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I heard her. Talking to her friend, Natalie, in the bathroom. I was outside and doing some rounds to get some air. Thought it was a little weird they were both in the bathroom. So, I got near the bushes and heard them talking about it. Y/N was going on about how she feels trapped—” Steve’s jaw clenched at this, not going unnoticed by Natasha. But she kept speaking anyway. “And how she wants it to work with you but doesn’t think you’ll ever let her breathe and have her own space. Said she knows Natalie warned her about you, but you were too sweet, and she didn’t care about the warning.”

Steve scoffed, hands coming to his hips. He sucked at his teeth, shaking his head.

“So, what about Bryce?” Tony asked impatiently.

“She said she asked Bryce to help her leave Steve,” Natasha explained. “And he wouldn’t help her and made her promise she wouldn’t try to leave. But it sounded like she had another plan. Something about taking a train and stealing someone’s ticket at the station so she wouldn’t be on camera at the ticket counter – presumably so you wouldn’t know where she was going. She said something outlandish about living at a church and taking them up on hospitality and working for them to make up for it. Which, Natalie to her credit, told her that was a dumb plan. And Y/N agreed. But she wanted Natalie in the bathroom with her to use her phone, again presumably, so you couldn’t see the search in her phone.” Natasha caught Steve’s eyes again and told him firmly, “When you said she was rattled when this all first started, she hasn’t settled, Steve. She’s a mess of nerves. And she definitely sounds like she’s willing to be impulsive and reckless about it.”

It was silent in the room, Steve’s fingers digging into his hips. His jaw was clenched so tightly Natasha thought of him cracking his teeth.

“That little, conniving bitch!” Steve growled, his hands falling to his sides and he began storming towards the hallway.

Natasha stepped in his path and he stopped, rearing up to glower at her, his fists clenched at his sides.

“Move, Nat,” Steve warned her in a dangerous voice.

“I came here specifically to tell you so you would not lose your shit in the middle of a party,” Natasha told Steve firmly. “So, can you do me a favor and respect that? Cool out and think?”

“I don’t think this warrants me cooling off and giving Y/N any sense of calm,” Steve returned, his voice rising. “She was going to leave me and take my children away from me, Nat!”

Tony chimed in from behind Steve, “I think the problem here is Bryce not telling you,” Steve craned his head to look back at him. Tony looked right pissed off, rivaling Steve. “Woman is hormonal, standing on shaky ground emotionally. Bryce has his head on right – or at least we thought he did. Him agreeing to not help her is working in his favor but he shouldn’t keep that shit to himself. He should have told you the moment it happened. Just making her promise to not do something isn’t going to do shit, especially if she’s promising him. What is he to her? Her bodyguard? Whoopee fucking doo.” Tony shook his head. “No, that’s fucked up. He had a duty to tell you.”

Steve’s cell phone rang interrupting the conversation, and he swore under his breath, pulling it out of his back pocket. He furrowed down at it before answering tightly, “Wanda?”

Natasha took a step closer, trying to hear her on the other end of the phone. Steve’s face fell for a moment, like the air had gotten kicked out of him.

He recovered quickly, demanding furiously, “What the hell do you mean she’s not there?”

Tony was standing now, at attention. He was watching Steve nervously, thinking of a super soldier losing his shit and breaking shit in his house.

“How long?” Steve shouted, losing his temper. He shook his head furiously and snarled, “Twenty minutes doesn’t give them long to get anywhere. And why were you doing dishes? Where the hell was Bryce—never mind. You know what. Just stay there. Have Bryce and the security check the grounds again.”

He hung up, holding his cell in his hands tightly. Steve was trembling with rage, his hand threatening to crush his phone. Tony and Natasha were silent, waiting for him to react. He breathed in deeply, over exaggerated, turning on his heel to walk towards the counter. He placed his phone down, gingerly despite his anger. His hands planted, his fingertips digging into the counter like he wanted to tear chunks off.

“If she is not there…” he trailed off. Exhaling, he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. His hands came up behind his hand, trying to stop himself from breaking Tony’s countertop in half with his fist.

“The train stations,” Natasha suggested, keeping her voice steady.

A few more deep breaths and Steve had the calm about him to say, “Someone else needs to drive because I’ll probably rip that goddamn steering wheel off.”

~~~

Tags: @imsonick , @alexakeyloveloki, @kvzctam, @ironlady1993, @taintedgenre, @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @roxyfan14-blog

#steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #marvel fic #dark marvel fic #my shit

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peachyproserpina · 3 years

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4 AM Dad!Paterson x Reader

Yet again I am here, with a tender piece dedicated to my love @glassbxttless . You deserve the world Cece and you're one of my favorite people.

TW: PPD, Pregnancy talk, Depressive thoughts, lots and lots of crying, lots of kisses, rambling, not proof-read

Maybe one of these days I'll work myself up to writing smut or something of the sort but until then have these small tender tidbits.

He’s up, it’s so early it’s still dark out, even for winter. You’re curled into his side, soft snoring and maybe drooling a little, he presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head before reaching over for his watch, checking the time it’s just about 4 am. You’ve only been asleep for about 2 hours and knowing his fussy son Felix is about to stir awake to be fed again. He’s small, born just a little too early and he’s been a recent addition into your home lives. Paterson’s taken 3 months off of his route to be there for the both of you.

The pregnancy was hard on everyone, between the sickness and everything else that started kicking in Pat felt bad he didn’t take time from the route before Felix was born. You always hushed those thoughts of inadequacy with a swift kiss to his plush lips and tender tug on his earlobe. Joking about how if he was home and fretting over you everyday like he is now you would have probably been a single parent by the time Felix was born. Pat’s smiling down at you while he shuffles out from under you to sneak out of the room and into the nursery with Felix. Taking hushed quiet steps he barely opens the door and see’s Felix start to stir, not quite hungry enough to start crying. Pat shuts the door and goes to warm up some formula so he can feed him and have you catch up on the sleep you are definitely lacking.

He remembers when you told him you we’re pregnant, how neither of you have ever cried that hard before in your lives. Happy tears running down your faces and Pat sitting there perched on the bathroom counter while you take test after test just to make sure. You had both been trying forever, it took a year of trying and so many false positive tests before you ended up having Felix. Pat picks up Felix who just started to whine and rocks him back and forth while he settles into the deep rocking chair located in the corner of the room. He still doesn’t feel like it’s real, he never wanted kids, Laura never said she wanted one, content with her dog and Pat. After they split Pat figured he would never end up dating ever again and settled in his new life, same routine, less poetry, maybe picking up a few more routes when he should have taken his day off. Until you stumbled into his bus and he knew then and there that you were going to change his life. You brought it up one summer day after you we’re both married, wanting kids and Pat knew then and there that he wanted to start a family with you. He agreed and from that point forward y'all were at it like rabbits.

He coos as Felix drains his bottle faster than he expected, he’s getting bigger everyday but Pat still feels like a giant when he holds him. He has your hair, and so much of it. He did end up with Pats big ears and brown eyes, but Pat can’t deny he sees so much of you in him and that makes his heart sing. He knows his sass might even outmatch yours even after being home for these first few weeks. Felix snuggles into Pat's hold while he rocks them back and forth still, just enjoying spending time together, Felix drooling onto his shirt just as you were not so long ago and that makes Pat tear up. You are his world, and always will be. He blinks back his tears and brings Felix up to his face so he can shower him in kisses. He hears the door creek and you’re stepping in, rubbing your eyes, maybe not even fully awake. You walk over to the crib and reach in to pick up Felix. Eye’s snapping open and chest heaving once you don’t feel him. Pat’s eyebrows furrow as he watches you spin and spot your boys in the rocking chair and let out a breath, heart rate going back down and relaxing.

He can feel your anxiety from here, you’ve been together long enough that he can read you. There’s more than Felix not being in his crib that is eating away at you- Pat makes his way over to you placing a sweet kiss to the top of your head before laying the baby down now that he is taken care of and turns to you. Cocking an eyebrow and rubbing his large hands over your arms. Gently leading you back to your room and settling back into your bed. You cuddle up to him, tracing patterns on his chest. Pat’s mind is going a million miles a minute, he knows the PPD has been hard, those weeks while Felix was still in the hospital you barely moved. He was so worried about you, for you. Hovering and doing everything he could think of for you. Keeping you hydrated when you would cry and hushing reassuring words to you when you opened up about feeling like you would never bond with Felix because he was in the hospital. Chasing those fears away with his soft words and softer hands. He took the time off of work because he wanted to make sure his family was okay, that you, the light of his life was okay. With Felix home you seemed better, less crying fits and despite both of you being exhausted you started making more decisions and offering to make dinner once a week, even if it was just dumping everything into a crock-pot.

He watches you, rubbing his hand up and down your back, lightly scratching under your sleep cami, you hum and open your mouth only to close it again. You do this a few more time before mumbling something into his chest, your fingers digging into his shirt. Pat furrows his brows for what feels like this millionth since being up.

“What was that Sweetheart?” He’s running his hands up and under your chin to tilt you to look up at him and his heart breaks when he sees tears start to leak out of your eyes and plop, sink, spread onto his shirt.

“Pat- I don’t think-” You’re gasping as you try to get this thought out. “I don’t think I'm a good parent, I-” your tears are coming faster now and Pat sits the both of you up, pulling you onto his lap. You can’t meet his eyes, you shut your eyes and lean your head back willing the tears to stop. Pat’s heart is breaking-

“Sweetheart- you know” you shake your head mentally begging him to stop as you cry harder. You’re not a good parent, not cut out for this, your boys. Pat and Felix deserve someone so much better than you. Your thoughts keep swirling, not even hearing Pat as his term of endearment for you spills out of his lips. “Y/N. Look at me.” His tone is curt, words not harsh but serious. You’ve only heard Pat use this tone of voice once or twice before. You look at him, he brings his hands up and gently wraps one around your jaw and his other one pushes your hair out of your face, he’s so gentle with you. No one thinks that Paterson is gentle, he’s too big, takes up too much room even when driving the bus. But he is so so gentle with you, always. His touches are softer than butter and melts into your skin, even now as you’re crying, snot assuredly leaking out of your nose, face red and blotchy he is still soft with you. He holds your gaze and you can see the heartbreak in his eyes and that makes the tears well anew. Thoughts of you didn’t deserve him, he deserved better, someone else.

Pat can see the spiral of panic in your eyes again and tightens his grip barely on your jaw. Cupping the back of your head close and kissing your lips so softly, whispering sweetheart between every kiss.

“I can’t believe how hard it’s been for you, love, but you are an amazing parent. I know it, Felix knows and even though you don’t feel like it you know you are.” Your lips are still touching while he spills his heart out to you- “I never wanted kids until I met you Sweetheart, you changed my entire life and I never wanted kids, never wanted anything like that until you. You are so strong, stronger than you know, you’re so stubborn so you won’t admit it. When you need help, when you feel like you're drowning.” Pat can’t stop, he has so much to say, he wants to scream it, wishes you could see just how stunning and perfect and and and.

“This wasn’t easy for me, I can’t even imagine how hard this was for you Sweetheart. But you did it, you did it all, you gave birth to the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and made my life complete. You can’t see it and some days I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are perfect, for both me and Felix. I love you, so so much.” Pat stops, biting his tongue wanting to drown you in the more praise that you deserve, that you need to hear because it is true. You’ve stopped crying, you’re looking at him looking deep into his honey brown eyes before letting the tension fall away from your shoulders and snuggling into his neck. Your hands rubbing up and down his solid chest, pressing kisses into his neck.

“Thank-” you start before Pat shakes his head,

“No need to thank me for telling you the honest truth.” Pat’s snuggling you both down under the covers now and you’re sucking a dark mark into the side of his neck, trying to not cry exhausted tears. Full of love and able to get real rest for what feels like for the first time in days. Pat is tracing patterns into your back while you fall back asleep. Hoping that you take these words to heart, because it is all the honest and whole truth.

#glassbxttless #paterson #paterson x reader #pregnancy #ppd #its longer then i thought it was going to be lol. Sorry in advance

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yeontanismypresident · 4 years

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Say Hello | myj

a/n: hello, this is a continuation, and the final part, of say goodbye! you can read the first part here. let me know if i should make more yoonji pieces! xx

pairing: min yoonji x female reader

genre: fluff, angst, e2l!au

warnings: cursing, panic attacks, crying, feelings of self-doubt,

word count: 1.5k

Yoonji watches helplessly as you pack some clothes for the night. Her mouth opens and closes as she wills herself to speak, to stop you from leaving her, but no words escape her. She can feel herself panicking, her breathing picking up. When you stop at the door, she stands up, desperately wanting ㅡ needing you to stay. Still, no words leave her, and she hates herself for it. Why can’t she just speak up for once?

As soon as you walk out of the apartment, she falls onto her knees, heartbreaking sobs wracking through her tiny form. Yoonji curls into a small ball, arms squeezing her legs to her chest, and her eyes clenched shut with tears gliding down her rosy cheeks. So caught up in her self-deprecating thoughts it feels like days have passed by, when in reality it's only been two hours.

"Yoonji?" a male's voice calls out through your her apartment, "Are you here?" the footsteps are getting closer, and the pinkette makes herself impossibly smaller.

A choked noise sounds from the door. Slightly glancing up, Yoonji can see it's her twin brother, Yoongi. He sighs, crouching down beside her, his voice soft, "Oh, Yoonji..."

"Why are you here?" she croaks out, sniffling obnoxiously loud. Reaching up, she wipes the snot from her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

He hums, sad eyes watching as his twin tries to pull herself together, "Y/n called me, said i needed to come over and check on you."

"She said that?" Yoonji asks nochantaly, or well, she tries to, but her voice is bordering on desperate. "What else did she say?"

Yoongi sighs, helping her sit up before taking a seat next to her, "Told me you broke up with her, that you didn't want her anymore. She thinks you don't love her, and that she's not enough for you-"

"That's not true!" Yoonji cuts him off, voice loud, "I do love her! I love her more than I love lamb skewers! And she is more than enough!" The tears that have once stopped falling are now rushing down her cheeks even faster. "Why would she think that?"

Yoongi raises an eyebrow, "Hm, maybe because the love of her life told her she wanted to break up and never tried to stop her from leaving?"

Yoonji knows her brother means well, but hearing those words still cause her heart to squeeze painfully in her chest, and her body to sag. She knows it's her fault this mess is happening, knows she's the one that pushed you away.

"I wanted to stop her," Yoonji says with a soft, broken voice, "I wanted to say something ㅡ Anything to make her realize I didn't want her to leave, but I froze up. I panicked. And now? Now I've lost the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She chuckles humorously, "I'm a pathetic piece of shit." Why does she always fuck things up? All you’ve done is be understanding and loving, yet she constantly pushes you away. This time, what seems like forever.

"Yoonji, you're not a piece of shit. Bad at feelings? Yeah, definitely, but that's part of being a Min," her twin sighs, bringing her into an awkward hug. He wasn't lying when he said the Min's are awkward and bad at feelings.

She lets her head fall to rest on his shoulder, "What am I supposed to do now?" The words she spoke were quiet, full of so much raw emotion, they made Yoongi's chest tighten.

"Now, we figure out a way to get her back," he holds Yoonji tighter, head coming to rest on top of hers.

She scoffs, rolling her eyes in annoyance, "Yeah, right. Like she'd take me back." Why would you take her back when she's the one who broke up with you? She's the one who broke your heart, why would you want to be with her again?

"Yoonji," Yoongi starts, voice full of determination, "She called me crying and begged me to come check on you. I'm pretty sure she still loves you and would want nothing more than to have you back."

She flinches when she hears you've been crying. She hates the thought of you breaking down and sobbing. Hates the thought of you being completely broken ㅡ broken all because of her.

Licking her lips, she brings her glossy eyes to stare up at her brother, "So, what's the plan? How am I winning back my girl?"

"Well," Yoongi grins, eyes twinkling with mirth.

“You got this, Yoonji, you got this. Just, don’t fuck it up and you’ll be good,” Yoonji says to herself, inhaling deeply to calm her nerves. Looking at the door in front of her, she swallows, scared of what’s about to happen.

Yoongi clears his throat from behind her, “It’s gonna be fine, just knock so I can leave.” She was happy he was there supporting her, really she was, but why did he have a fucking guitar?

“Don’t fuck it up,” she mutters one last night before raising her hand and knocking on the door. Yoonji’s heart picks up its pace, beating erratically in her chest, as she hears quiet talking on the other side.

Yoongi sighs, shifting to rest most of his weight on his left foot, “So, like, when do you think they’re gonna stop arguing and answer the door? Cause I got a hot date with my bed, and I don’t wanna miss it.” Yoonji rolls her eyes, and as she’s about to reply, the door is ripped open.

“Hello?”

The Min twins glance up and see Kim Jisoo standing in front of them. Yoonji sucks in a deep breath, slightly shrinking in on herself at the fierce glare on the petite girl.

“Can I help you?” Jisoo asks, raising an eyebrow, eyes switching back and forth between the two before her gaze rests on Yoongi. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Why the fuck do you have a guitar?”

Yoongi sheepishly smiles at her, a hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck, “Oh, y’know, just setting the mood!” Yoonji facepalms at her brother’s words. God, why is he always so embarrassing?

“Jisoo-ssi, is Y/n here?” the pinkette's voice is quiet, afraid of pissing off your best friend.

Jisoo sniffs and crosses her arms, “Maybe. Why do you want to know? What are you even doing here? I thought you didn’t love her anymore? Hm?”

“I do love her!” Yoonji says exasperated, “I love her so much, and I regret not stopping her so fucking much. She’s my world, the light of my life, and I just need her back.” Her voice cracks in between her words, eyes become glossy once more.

Your best friend sighs and relaxes her stance. Glancing behind her shoulder, she can see the way you're holding yourself for comfort as your eyes well up with tears. “Fine, but only because I’ve never seen you this emotional, and it’s kinda freaking me out.”

“Thank you, Jisoo-ssi,” your ex says gratefully, walking inside with Yoongi following close behind. When her gaze rises from staring at the ground, she catches your eyes. She can see the way tears are silently falling down your cheeks. “Oh, baby…”

With those words, you finally crack, and a sob escapes your trembling lips, “Yoonji…” Before anyone can say anything else, a soft melody starts playing throughout the room. Yoongi freezes as everyone’s eyes are trained on him.

“...What?”

Yoonji groans and her head falls forward, “...What the fuck are you doing, Yoongi?” The younger Min grabs the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb.

“I told you guys already,” Yoongi defends himself, an offended expression on his face, “I’m setting the mood!”

A giggle leaves your mouth, and before you know it, you’re laughing hard and clutching your stomach.

Yoonji moves closer to you, heart racing when you don’t move away, “Baby, I’m so sorry for everything. I know that doesn’t make up for what I put you through, and I know I have so much to do to make up for it, but I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance…”

She knows that was the lamest apology, but she’s hoping you get what she’s trying to say. Thankfully, you do, but Jisoo doesn’t.

“Are you serious?” she scoffs, “That was the shittiest fucking apology I’ve ever heard!” Jisoo rolls her eyes and looks over at you, “Please tell me you’re not going to forgive her that easily?”

Your ex can feel her heart fall, hands becoming clammy with nerves. Seeing her start to have a panic attack, you bring her into your embrace, voice soothing and quiet, “Hey, Yoonji, baby, calm down. It’s okay. Don’t listen to her. I know what you’re trying to say, don’t worry. Take a deep breath for me. That’s it, baby.”

“I love you, you have to know that. I’m so sorry, Y/n,” Yoonji sobs in your arms, her own rushing to bring you even closer to her. Her head rests on your shoulder, lips grazing your soft skin.

Rubbing her back, you reassure her once again, “I know, baby. I love you too, and we’ll be okay. We definitely have some things to talk about, but we can work through it.”

“I love you so much,” she whispers, love shining through her gaze as she looks up at you.

You giggle, placing a chaste kiss on her pouty lips, murmuring, “I love you too, Min Yoonji.”

#bts x reader #yoonji x reader #yoonji #min yoonji #min yoonji x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #yoonji fluff #yoonji angst #bts x you #bts x y/n #yoonji x you #yoonji x y/n #say hello #min yoonji x you #yoonji x female reader

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abcd-adventures · 5 years

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So, I have this visualization exercise. . .

Realistically, I knew that introducing a new tiny human into the family would come with some bumps. Last night, there was a bump. I have little B all day long, so I look forward to some support from the husband for the last 1.5-2 hours from when he gets home from work until B goes to bed. We also alternate putting B to bed and it was the husband’s turn. When B started getting fussy about half an hour before bed, I suggested the husband give him a bath. Husband’s response was: “I’m not really good at baths.” 😑 To this I responded, “Well, isn’t practice what will remedy that?” And, he said, “I feel like he’s close to a meltdown, so I don’t want to do it. I’ll give him the bottle and put him to bed, though.” In my brain (with EXTREME sarcasm): “Oh, will you. . .on your turn? How generous of you.”

Now, granted, I am typically the one who bathes B. However, dealing with a sick baby--even one as good-natured as B--is demanding, and I wanted a break (especially because I had just endured an HOUR-long phone call with my MIL during B’s last nap of the day, robbing me of the time I’d promised myself I’d read for a bit). Add to that the fact the husband still refuses to do the snot sucking and B was too congested and will not take his bottle unless you clear his nose. . .well, I got very annoyed.

So, on our dog walk later that evening, I said, “You know, I’m not thrilled about the fact that you’re adding baths to the list of things you’re not willing to do with B.” We were both quiet for a long time, and then he said, “I don’t like the implication that I’m not fully involved in parenting our child.” So, basically the conversation had to stop there because had I responded, my response would have been, “Oooooh, did that come across as an implication. . .because I feel like it was just a clear statement. . .” Annnnnd, that would not have been helpful or productive. Whoever said, “Never go to bed angry” definitely didn’t know me. I was not capable of finishing that conversation (productively) last night.

As I was going to bed--before I more productively thought through the situation and planned my response for this evening, when I can have the discussion without feeling ragey--I engaged in one of my little anger-diffusing visualization exercises.

See, I have these slippers--they’re amazing, super soft and supportive on the top, but sturdy on the bottom. When I’m pissed off at the husband, I visualize getting one of those slippers in my hand, winding up, and just chucking it at the back of the husband’s head. Then, and here’s the best part, I slow it down in my head to see the exact moment it whacks him in the back of the head--with that ever-so-satisfying “thunk”--and then I take a moment to enjoy extreme satisfaction in the image of the shock and offense that would play out on his face. It never fails to give me an evil giggle!

I know. I know. That’s absolutely AWFUL. BUT, in fourteen years together, I’ve never actually hit the husband (with a slipper or anything else), and despite how awful that exercise sounds, it’s not like the husband KNOWS about it. And, it diffuses my anger enough that I can focus on more productively solving the issue. So, judge away. . .BUT, should you ever decide to try this trick, I bet you’ll be less quick to judge in the future because it’s satisfying as hell.

#marriage #I'm probably doing it wrong #but oh well

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autumnhobbit · 5 years

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this seems like the perfectly rational time to post an absolutely horrible thing i wrote in response to an absolutely horrible concept @lurkinglurkerwholurks introduced to me. take two guesses what it’s about, judging by my usual fare.

Bruce found the warehouse too late and too early.

The entire search was hell, from the realization that Jason was gone, to finding his note, to tracking his location, to realizing the Joker was out and had activity in the area, to finding the truth about Jason’s mother, to frantically flying as fast as his plane could take him to the desert, to being forced to land two hours drive from the village. All the while, he was trying to reach Jason, to warn him. Jason hadn’t answered once. Bruce would have been willing to chalk it up to spite, to distrust, to Jason’s emotional state. Which Bruce hadn’t noticed, hadn’t realized the scope of, hadn’t fixed until it was too late.

But once, as he was halfway there, Jason picked up.

“Jason!?” Bruce couldn’t stifle the desperation in the way his son’s name escaped him. He shouldn’t be doing this...this was Robin’s line, he shouldn’t call him Jason, but he couldn’t, he can’t bring himself to protocol.

No answer. Bruce listened, breathing hard, foot jamming the pedal to the floor.

A rattling echoed fuzzily across the line, and a mad, gleeful cackle followed instantly after it. Bruce’s blood froze in his veins.

“Jason! Jason, talk to me, please—“

A gulp that sounded wet. A scuffle, and then a crack! The line disconnected.

Bruce felt as if there were no air left in the car. His heart hammered against his ribs so hard he wondered if there was any spaces between beats. If there ever would be again. He had Jason. Joker had Jason.

Joker knew he loved Jason. He’d known that for God knows how long, but now he had Jason, and Bruce wasn’t there. He couldn’t protect him.

Bruce wanted the car to go faster. He couldn’t make it go any faster. The temp gauge was already far beyond what it should be. Bruce couldn’t think about it overheating. About it stopping, not working. About Jason, alone with the Joker. Jason, who sounded bad. He sounded like he was drowning. They were in the desert. He highly doubted Joker decided to douse him with water to give him a little cold.

Bruce tore the cowl off. He couldn’t breathe in it. He scraped his gauntleted hand across his face, smeared the uncontrollable wetness from his eyes all over himself.

God. He can’t. He couldn’t do this. Jason sounded like his mom, when he watched her blood froth from her mouth, even while it pooled on the front of her dress. When he’d heard her like that, she hadn’t lasted three minutes. Maybe not even two. She gasped and she gasped and she choked and she stopped.

The car leapt off a dune and crashed down into the dip below it. Bruce’s face was rammed into the steering wheel by the inertia, and blood joined the snot and tears coating his face and the chestplate of his armor.

He had to get there in time. He had to.

He sobbed again in earnest when he saw the warehouse in the distance, huddled among a few abandoned buildings knotted together in the midst of the empty sand. He steered the car directly for it. Up the hill it climbed at a speed it was definitely not designed for, on footing it was definitely not designed for. He didn’t care.

He swerved it when he realized he was coming up too fast, and nearly rolled it over. It screeched to a stop hard, and he didn’t even wait for it to fully stop. He didn’t put it in park, he didn’t even turn it off. He leapt out and hit the sand, and as soon as he was halfway to his feet again, he ran.

He rammed the door with his shoulder, and it gave without a moment’s pause. He ran inside.

It was shockingly darker inside the warehouse than it was out in the heat of the sun, but his eyes were drawn to the small, bloodied shape, anyway. It would be hard not to. Jason was on his side almost in the center of the warehouse. There was a short trail of blood behind him, from a thick, dark pool of the stuff just a few feet back, surrounded by bloody handprints and smudges. He’d tried to get away. Joker had done it there, had beaten him over there, and Jason had tried to crawl away, but had only gotten so far. Even from the distance, he could see Jason’s shoulders hitching, his chest trembling as it moved slightly, oh so slightly. But the noise. The noise was so awful, he nearly threw up instantly. Bile rushed up in his throat and he had to force it down, because he didn’t have time for it. Jason wasn’t moving aside from the twitch, up and down, jerking faintly the whole way, and all that was left of his voice was a small, shrill whistling that sounded drenched with blood. Bruce could see it on his face, trailing down his chin.

All this, in barely the space of a heartbeat Bruce could almost irrationally swear he didn’t have. The next instant, he was on his knees beside Jason, his hands shaking above his son’s small, broken body, and only now did he see something else that made his stomach turn. He hadn’t even noticed the other, larger body sprawled out less than six feet from Jason, the body Jason’s shattered wrist was reaching listlessly out towards, lying on the concrete. Sheila lay there, her eyes open and staring, a bullet hole in between them. Her brain was blown out the back of her skull.

Bruce sucked in air that smelled and tasted like blood and gunpowder. Oh, Jason. Poor baby.

Jason’s eyes were open, too. But they were rolled halfway back in his head, only a small smudge of brown visible. They were half-lidded, like he was half-asleep.

Bruce ducked down to his eye level anyway. “Jason,” he whispered helplessly, his voice shaking. “Jason.”

Jason’s eyes didn’t shutter. He just lay prone and breathed blood. Up and down. In and out.

Bruce’s clumsy hands were in Jason’s hair and ever so lightly cupping his face. His jawbone gave just a bit and Bruce nearly doubled over, barely inches away from him. “Jason,” he sobbed.

Still nothing. Bruce took a breath through his teeth that hissed with tears, and forced himself to rally. He had to get Jason out of here. He had to get him help.

“Jason, I have to...” he choked off, looking again at Jason’s body. How his uniform was torn, his ribs were crushed in on one side, his legs were twisted and broken like toothpicks, his arms were splayed and unmoving. “I have to move you.”

He moved his hands, unwillingly, from Jason’s fragile, beaten skull, to his swollen shoulder and his bruised knees. He felt sick tucking his hands beneath his son, smearing the blood and likely hurting him, but Jason probably was in so much pain he was in shock, anyway, even before the blood in his lungs and nose and mouth, and what choice did he have?

He still had to close his eyes an instant and sit, trying to steel himself. The rattle of air going into Jason and coming out soggy went on.

“It’s going to hurt, baby, I—I’m sorry,” Bruce choked out, and lifted halfway through.

He didn’t even make it a foot off the floor because Jason wailed, head back, shattered ribs heaving, right in his ear and the most agonized, childlike cry he’d ever heard in his life. Bruce had him laid back down again faster than if he were a hot poker he’d accidentally grabbed, and it took him a moment to get his breath back, to make the blackness ease off from the corners of his vision. And it came back quickly, because Jason was crying. The jagged rise and fall of his whole body was now punctuated with broken, half-realized sobs, that still carried more pain than Bruce had ever heard from a human in his life. His baby’s brown eyes were invisible, now. Clenched shut.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Bruce realized he was crying, too, repeating the inadequate phrase over and over like some sort of spastic. He didn’t think Jason could hear him, so lost in his pain, drowning in it. He was shaking finely from head to foot.

Somehow, under it all, Bruce heard beeping. He glanced up.

A red timer stared back at him. It was at a minute and seventeen seconds.

Bruce looked down at Jason. His child’s face still had unspeakable suffering written all over it, even as the life had slowly but surely seeped out of him. His breathing was weaker, his movement more muted, but he was still whimpering very faintly, even as more blood frothed from his lips, darker.

And Bruce knew right then that he couldn’t move him. He’d probably kill him trying.

Jason was likely all but unconscious at this point. He was barely breathing. Bruce didn’t need to check his pulse to know his heart was probably in the midst of failing under the strain. His eyes were closed, his face slack and empty. His cheeks were ashen under all the blood and grime.

But he was still crying in his sleep.

He was his son, his child. He’d made him laugh on the day his parents died. He’d been by his side, whether as Robin or as himself, for the last few years of Bruce’s life, and Bruce had never, ever imagined he could be so happy after his mother and father. He’d had glimpses of it with Dick, and he loved Alfred like a father, but Jason was his child, wholly his, and loved him like that were true. Like it was the only thing he knew to be true.

And he knew that Alfred and Dick were no less loved than Jason, and the thought of them struck him like a knife through the heart, but Jason...Jason was lying beneath him. Dying. God, Jason was dying.

And he couldn’t leave him. He wouldn’t leave him alone. Even if Jason would never know.

Bruce laid down on his side facing Jason, between his mother and him. He took his gloves off and gently laid his hand atop Jason’s outstretched one, only curling his fingers as tight as he dared. The other hand he wrapped around Jason as much as he could, his arm circling his back and his hand cradling his head. He took a deep breath and settled there.

Briefly, he wondered if he should try to get his comm. Call Alfred and tell him goodbye, and he was sorry. Tell him he loved him, and to tell the same to Dick. To thank Jim, and Barbara, and Leslie, and Lucius.

But there wasn’t time. A glance cast over Jason’s body told him the timer was at fifty-seven seconds. He wouldn’t have time to get all that out, and it wouldn’t be fair, to Alfred, or Dick, or any of them. He had made the necessary preparations years ago, when he’d first left to find his way, before Batman was ever born. Alfred would know where the will was, and what needed doing. He’d updated it regularly since. He’d updated it when he’d taken Jason in, to make him one of his heirs and to ensure he’d always be cared for and looked after. Bruce had wanted him to live on, long and healthy, after he was gone.

He choked at the thought, but just held Jason tighter. He tucked his head up under his chin for a brief moment, then ducked to press a hard kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, Jaylad,” he said, to the near-silent air. “I love you, Jason.” He hadn’t said it enough before. He would say it now, and keep saying it. Even if Jason couldn’t hear him.

The timer crawled on. It was going by quickly, but he couldn’t help but feel it was dragging, too. Probably had something to do with the fact that he knew it was coming and was trying to brace for it. It felt like it should be faster, but when he glanced up and saw the thirty-one left on it, his breath left him.

He didn’t look at the timer again. He looked at Jason’s face.

Even marred by bruises and a broken jaw, his son’s face was familiar to him. The jagged jawline, the button nose, the freckles. The delicate eyelashes and hard, expressive brows. All the little pieces that made up Jason. His Jason.

“I love you,” he whispered again.

Jason’s eyes fluttered.

The beeping went on.

Jason’s eyes opened to dull slits. Bruce? he whispered soundlessly, bloody lips moving with nothing coming out.

The bomb went off.

___

Bruce’s eyes opened once after, and he was surprised they did. He regretted it, too, as he was instantly smothered in agonizing pain across every inch of his body. His face and neck were scorched and burned horribly, shrapnel stuck out of the suit every few inches, and the inside of his lungs felt as scorched as his face. Drawing breath smarted enough to bring tears to his eyes. The sky was dark and grey, and lit up from the bottom by flames. Something heavy was pinning his body from the side down, and he couldn’t feel his feet.

Somehow, he realized by shifting minutely, he’d held onto Jason. His son’s body was still entangled with his own, his black head still and silent against Bruce’s chest.

And Bruce didn’t have to check him to know. He was gone.

He’d known it was coming. He’d known it was coming quickly. But it still hurt. It hurt more than anything he’d ever felt. He closed his eyes and pulled Jason closer to him, no longer afraid of hurting him.

The tears cut streaks down his charred cheeks and stung and itched, but he had no capacity or will to stop them. He held Jason and cried softly to himself while the smoke billowed up and drifted back down and hung in a suffocating cloud above him, blocking off the stars.

___

It was thirteen hours before Alfred realized the gravity of the situation.

It was thirty-six before he had managed to find and collect Master Richard and make his way to the desert in another of the planes.

It was thirty-eight before they found the warehouse. They’d been looking for an intact building. Instead they found a pile of ashes and smoldering rubble, and a column of smoke towering a mile high.

Alfred had a feeling they both knew before they landed, but they searched anyway. It took them another solid eight hours to scour the rubble, with the caution of responders practiced in search-and-rescue.

It was Alfred who uncovered them, lifting a piece of roofing only to see the charred face of a boy he would recognize anywhere, in any condition. The same face he had seen for the first time over thirty-four years ago, when Master Thomas and Mrs. Martha had brought him home from the hospital, scrunched and silent in a striped white blanket.

He was curled up on his side in the rubble, like he had been when Alfred had put him to bed the night his mother and father had died.

For a moment he thought to try to shield Master Richard from the sight. But the lad was too fast, and had crossed the mess to be behind him the instant he’d paused. Ah well. Sooner or later they would have found them. Alfred tamped down his own grief, magnified by the sounds of his other grandson’s mourning, and positioned with him to lift the rubble off them fully, uncovering both bodies.

Master Jason was shockingly small in Master Bruce’s arms, even for the lanky form he’d just recently grown into. His body was mutilated beyond belief, and Richard pivoted and threw up upon seeing him, but his face looked almost peaceful against Bruce’s chestplate, cupped gently there with a large hand, stiff in rigor mortis.

Together, Alfred and Richard carefully lifted the bodies onto a gurney to be covered with a sheet. They could not separate Jason from Bruce, and they did not bother to try.

On the flight home there were friends to be called, bad news to be delivered, crying over the coms to be done, arrangements to make.

But when Clark Kent, and Diana Prince, and Donna Troy, and Barry Allen and his family, and Barbara and Jim Gordon came to the Manor’s grounds for the private interments in the family cemetery, only one grave was dug. Bruce and Jason were buried together, side by side.

#uh #my fic #jason todd #bruce wayne #batfam #batfamily #dc #cw gore #cw death #cw child death #......the prompt was ‘the supernatural episode where the parent stays with dying child’

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emeraldwaves · 5 years

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Title: What We Lack Part 15 Pairing: Kacchako, Deku/Melissa, Todomomo Rating: T Word Count: 3,721 Read on Ao3 Summary:

Quirkless.

They’re the last people anyone expects to have a child without a quirk.

Neither of them can fully wrap their heads around it, but Ochako knows Katsuki is struggling far more than her.

Thank you to @its-love-u-asshole and @amaisenshi for reading this over and letting me freak out always.

"I hope she looks like you," Ochako said, leaning her head back to nuzzle in the crook of Bakugou's neck.

He scoffed, running his hands down her hip, gently stroking over her swollen stomach. She was rounder this time and he spread his palm out across her, secretly hoping to feel a kick or some movement. "So you think it's a girl. Again."

"This time I know it's a girl," she whispered.

Bakugou rolled his eyes. "I'll tell Shou he's getting a baby brother then."

She jabbed her elbow against his stomach and he grunted. "I'm serious!" she laughed. Slowly, she rolled onto her back and turned to face him. "I just think the universe wants our family to be even."

He raised his eyebrow and shook his head, leaning down to kiss her. "Alright, but why the fuck do you want her to look like me?"

"Well..." She trailed off, her hand coming to his cheek. "You're beautiful Katsuki."

He frowned, wrinkling up his nose. "Fuckin' gross."

She giggled, the sound like music as it echoed through their bedroom. She brought her other hand to his cheek, and pulled him in for a kiss, a smile pulled across her lips. "You are very handsome, Katsuki," she said, running her hand through his hair. "I just think a little blonde girl would be so cute! Besides Shouhei kind of takes after me," she said.

"I can't wait to see their quirks," he chuckled, still rubbing his palm over her stomach, and he pressed his lips to shoulder.

"I know... I kinda hope they both can't explode things... " she said, looking a little nervous.

"What?! My quirk is the fuckin' best!" he snapped, looking at his hand for a brief moment. When he was a child, it had been difficult to control sometimes, plus his ego was inflated when everyone talked about how amazing his quirk was. Maybe his kids didn't need to go through the same things he did.

"Two young children exploding things in the house? Imagine how much of a disaster that could be," Ochako chuckled, her eyes fluttering shut while he kissed at her neck.

"As long as they're not quirkless."

"Katsuki!" Ochako snapped and hit him on the arm. "You take that back right now."

"Hah!?"

"If one of our children is quirkless then so be it!" Ochako said, frowning at him.

Bakugou rolled his eyes and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, pulling her fingers to his lips. "I just..." he sighed. "Look, I know how shitty I was and I don't want someone being shitty to her or him... whatever... You know how fuckin' awful teenagers can be about this kinda bullshit. I was one of those fucking awful kids."

Ochako's brown eyes softened and she stroked her thumb over his lower lip. "Oh Katsuki... you know that if any of our children are quirkless, you'd do everything in your power to keep them safe."

"Yeah..." he muttered, closing his eyes as he took in her gentle scent. "'Course I would."

"Mmm," she hummed, snuggling close to him. "Quirkless or not, I can't imagine you would be okay with anyone bullying our children."

"Hell fuckin' no. I'll kick their goddamn asses!" he snapped, yelling far too loudly.

"Shhh," Ochako said with a laugh, pressing her finger to his lips. "I know you would. I believe in the goodness in your heart."

He sighed, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. "I'm glad someone does."

He jinxed himself that day. That's always how he felt. It was his fault. He'd done this to her. After how awful he had treated Deku, it was some sort of sick fucking karma his own daughter would struggle with the very thing he'd always made fun of.

In many ways, Ochako had gotten what she predicted. A baby girl, bright blonde hair, the most beautiful gift they could've ever received. She was a small version of Bakugou in so many ways; fiery, passionate, strong-willed.

But her eyes. Her eyes were chocolate brown, round, full of love and joy, just like Ochako.

Right now, those brown eyes glared at him so hard, Katsuki felt his entire body tremble with emotion.

"You fuckin' lied to me!" she snapped.

Probably. Lying had never been his forte, but when it came to protecting her, he didn't mind a little white lie or two.

"How can you call yourself a hero when you bullied Uncle Deku when you were young!?"

He froze, clutching the back of the chair.

How could he?

Her knuckles were white, her eyes trembling with tears. She looked as though she were about to collapse on the ground, her knees shaking, barely holding her up.

He swallowed, knowing he had to say something, anything. Lying wouldn't work, he didn't want to run away from this.

"I could tell you've been looking at me strange lately!" she yelled, her voice cracking as she did.

"Sayuri," he spoke finally, but it almost didn't feel fair to say her name so calmly.

"And now I know it's because... Because you hate this! You hate that I'm quirkless, You... You..."

No. She had it all wrong. He needed to tell her. As much as he sucked at talking about bullshit like this.

"Sayuri!" he snapped and slammed his hand down against his desk, causing her to jump. "Enough."

"No!" she said. "You told him to go jump off a roof?!"

Did he? That sounded accurate, a shitty thing he would say when he was in shitty middle school; when he hated weakness more than anything else in the world.

He rubbed his forehead. "Who told you this?" he snapped. It was probably Deku's shitty little son.

He was an idiot, for thinking he could hide what he had done from her for her whole life. He had always been honest about his frustrations with Deku, partially because they were still there. Whenever Deku passed him in rank it pissed him off, whenever Deku gave a particularly heartwarming speech it pissed him off. Deku just... pissed him off, despite being closer now than they ever were.

Storming up to his desk, she slammed her hands down on it too, the slapping noise echoing in his small office. "No. You don't get to ask me questions until you answer mine! Did you... did you actually tell Uncle Deku to go jump off a roof? Because he was... because he was... useless to you?"

Her brown eyes stayed fixated on him waiting for an answer. Her chest heaved with her deep breaths, her body trying not to breakdown. She wanted to be strong; he could tell. Her stance, her gaze, everything about her demeanor however, gave away that she was fighting every instinct she had to break down.

He knew his daughter. He understood her on a level maybe she didn't even understand. In many ways, they were the same.

"...Look Baby Girl... If I fuckin' tell you about this, you have to understand-"

"I don't have to understand anything!" she screamed. "Will you just admit you hate that I'm quirkless?!"

"NO!" he yelled back. She was pushing and pushing and even with years of being a parent, he couldn't help but push back. He made his way around the desk, glaring at her, staring down at the only girl besides Ochako who meant the world to him. "It has nothing to fucking do with that and you should know that."

"Should I!?" she snapped, not faltering even for a moment. In a weird way, he was proud of her, happy to see she wasn't about to back down.

"It's never fucking mattered to me what you are," he said. "You are my daughter and I love you more than my own goddamn life."

"How?!" She paused, pulling in tight breaths of air. Bakugou could tell, he had fought internally with himself in the same way. She was trying to hold back her tears, the intense emotions threatening to rush out of her heart and into the world, making them an intense reality. His daughter was breaking apart right in front of him, and it was his own goddamn fault. "H-How… can you fucking say that?!" she stammered, sniffling. "How?!" she repeated, pushing against his chest. "Did you hate it?! When the doctors told you that day?! Were you hoping I would have your quirk since Shou basically has Mom's?!" Tears were falling down her cheeks, the questions pouring out of her.

He wanted to hug her and wrap his arms around her. She wasn't a child anymore, not in the same way she used to be. Now she was on the brink of adulthood and he was convinced she would push him away.

And yet somewhere along the way it had become his number one goal to protect her and Shouhei. Shouhei was off at school, doing well, independent, and happy.

When it came to Sayuri, he had never felt like he had failed more than this moment. She stood in front of him, crying, accusing him of not being a hero. For so long her wide brown eyes always looked at him like he was a fuckin' god. He could do no wrong.

And now he stood before her, the villain of her nightmares.

"Will you let me fuckin' speak, Baby Girl?" he asked, the words choking out from his throat.

"It doesn't fucking matter what you say-"

"I did hate it," he muttered, turning his gaze to the floor. "That day..."

"W-What..." she breathed out, snot running down her face, her eyes frozen from the shock of the admission.

He swallowed, bringing his hand up to cover his eyes. He couldn't look at her while he spoke.

He was worse than a villain. He was such a goddamn coward.

"I did hate it... when they told me..." he said, turning his gaze to face her. "I hated every word that came out of the doctor's mouth. I grabbed his goddamn collar and asked him to run the tests again. I think I punched a fuckin' wall."

Her brow furrowed and she stepped back, shaking her head as if she didn't actually want to hear the answer to her questions.

"And I know... exactly what you're thinking right now. You're thinking I did it because I was mad you wouldn't get my quirk, or that you couldn’t be a hero like me and your mom," he said, curling his hand into a fist against the wood of the desk.

"Y-Yeah..." she breathed out, the word swallowed by a small sob.

"That had nothing to fucking do with it! I was fucking pissed there would be assholes like me trying to make your life miserable!" he yelled. "Yeah, I told Deku to jump off a goddamn roof. I hated how fucking weak he was. I hated that despite being weak, he always seemed to surpass me. I didn't want to be like him, I didn't want anything to fuckin' do with him. I was an ass!" he yelled.

Even as he spoke, he hated how tight his chest felt, how awful it was to admit to the villain-like thoughts which plagued his mind when he was younger. "I hated that he wanted to pass me, I hated that he thought he could pass me. I was the goddamn best... I still am the goddamn best!" he snapped, even if, for once, he didn't feel like it at all.

"But you know what? I'm not the only one who thinks like this," he growled. "I've come to fucking learn that over the years. I knew that day... when the doctor told us... I knew there was going to be someone who made you cry. Someone who tore you down and called you names and maybe... didn't want you to exist. You. The person I am so fuckin' grateful for... And that killed me. I hate that. I hate that this is what you have to deal with. I hate that it's probably worse because of who your mom and I are.

"But worst of all, I hate that I can't protect you from it. I hate that every time I send you to school you seem to get farther and farther away from me," he whispered. "I hate that I can't be your personal goddamn hero... every single day. So if I look at you weird... " he said, his voice trembling. He didn't want to cry in front of her... he was better than that, stronger than that. Still, his eyes glassed over, the water pooling at the bottom of his eyes.

"It's got nothing to do with you... and everything to do with how I failed you. That in a way, I was your villain. I can see it..."

He paused, pressing his fist against the desk.

"Dad..." she whispered, tears flowing down her cheeks. She tried to wipe her eyes, but she kept sniffing, unable to keep up with her steady flow of tears. "You're... a fuckin' idiot, you know that?" she choked out, sobs rolling through her entire body.

"Yeah," he scoffed, finally taking the step forward. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to his chest.

"Yeah," she breathed, pulling back to look up at him. "School kinda sucks... but you know I've been told middle school isn't really all that fun anyway," she sniffed.

"It's the worst one," he said, not wanting to let her go.

She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face in close to his chest. "You really don't hate me?"

Was she really scared of that? Did she really believe he could hate her?

"Oi," he said, a gentleness in his tone he tended to only show to her. He stroked over the back of her head, holding her close. If he could’ve held her there forever, he would have. "I love you, Baby Girl… I love you the most," he muttered. "I don't hate that you're quirkless, I hate that it makes your life harder. I hate that I can't blast those shitty girls to smithereens."

"Yeah... I kinda wish you could too... But... even if you can't... you're still my number one hero, Dad..." she whispered. "I just... I wish you had been honest with me, about Deku and... all this. I know you suck at talking, I get it. I hate talking too," she muttered, and gently pushed her fist against his chest. "Finding about all this from Kazu was... the worst," she admitted.

He sighed, pulling away from her. Even when she looked so much older, like a teenager, he had the hardest time seeing her as such. To him, she was still the toddler that needed his help with everything.

"I never wanted you to fucking find out," he grumbled.

"Yeah... you should've just told me. I-I mean you and Deku... you're beyond it now? You apologized right?" she asked.

He froze. Were they beyond it? Mostly. Had he ever apologized? Not really. Sort of. He had grumbled it one time towards the end of their high school days and Deku had made it clear he didn't care. They had come so far, were so past it, he'd said.

"Don't lie, Dad," she hissed.

He ran his hand down his face. "...you know..." he mumbled. "There are sometimes. Very rare times... when Deku... that fuckin' idiot... is a little stronger than me. He fought against so much, struggled and came out striving. I can respect that. But it's just a fucking little, it's a tiny ass amount and it's not all the time-"

"Dad," she sighed, shaking her head.

"I want you to be like that," he said flatly. "Despite all this bullshit. It doesn't matter that you're fucking quirkless. You're strong. You're gonna be the strongest fuckin' girl I know."

"Stronger than Mom?" she asked, sniffling, her brown eyes staring at him with hope again.

"Stronger than Mom."

A smile pulled across her face as she stared up at him. She brought her fingers to the tip of her long blonde hair as she rubbed it. "Okay… but… you have to apologize to Uncle Deku. For real."

"Eh!? It was fuckin' years ago, Baby Girl. There's no reason-"

"What if it still bothers him?" she asked.

Bakugou stared at Sayuri, the way her brown eyes trembled with a shyness he wasn't used to seeing from her. He pulled his teeth across his lower lip. He knew for a fact, that what had happened in middle school no longer bothered Deku, the idiot had brought it up plenty of times, however... it clearly bothered Sayuri.

With a sigh, he ran his hand down his face.

"Al-fuckin'-right."

"K-Kacchan!?" Deku blinked, holding the door to his house open. "Sayu-chan!" he smiled. "Uhm... I didn't realize you were coming over."

After their long talk, both of them settling down, Sayuri had insisted Bakugou go to Deku's house, not giving him any time to change his mind.

"Oi, Deku," he growled, stepping inside. "We gotta fuckin' talk."

"We do?" Deku asked, looking between the two of them.

"...Yeah..." Bakugou swallowed, looking from Deku to his daughter.

"Did something happen? Are you okay, Sayu-chan?" he asked, immediately looking at her confused. "Kazu is down in the basement with Melissa if you-"

"No that's okay, we wanted to talk to you," Sayuri said, nudging her father.

"Me?" Deku smiled. "Alright then."

Bakugou folded his arms over his chest. He knew this wouldn't change anything about his and Deku's relationship, but he wanted to do it, for the sake of his daughter. He didn't hate that she was quirkless, and he wanted her to believe in him. If that meant formally apologizing to Deku... so be it.

"Deku..." Bakugou growled, the name rolling out of his throat. Forever the cause of so many of his frustrations. Deku made Bakugou face himself in ways he hated.

"Yeah, Kacchan?" Deku rubbed his neck. "You're kind of freaking me out. I haven't seen you look this angry since high school!"

He ran his hand down his face, puffing out his cheeks. Was this really happening right now? Deku fuckin’ knew this was behind them. He flicked his red eyes to the side, seeing Sayuri looking down at the floor, nervous. This wasn’t about him and Deku, not at all. "I-... I'm fuckin' sorry, okay?!" Bakugou blurted out, the words echoing through Deku's kitchen.

"Izuku? Is someone here-oh..." Melissa said, pausing as she stood in the doorway, keeping the door open to the basement.

Great. More people to see him be a total ass.

"Eh?" Deku blinked. "What? What are you sorry for Kacchan?"

"...For... middle school..." he grumbled.

"Middle school?" he raised his brow. "Kacchan, it's been years..."

"No," Melissa said, interrupting her husband. She stepped forward and wrapped her arm through Deku's, glaring at Bakugou. "He should be sorry."

"Meli... it's been years," Deku repeated. "I forgave Kacchan a long time ago."

"Because you are good and kind," Melissa said softly.

Bakugou rolled his eyes. He knew Melissa didn't care for him, not that he blamed her much. Still, he wished she had stayed in the goddamn basement.

"I should never... have told you to jump off a roof," he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest, barely able to look Deku in the eye.

Deku chuckled softly, stepping forward. He gently placed his hand on Bakugou's shoulder. "No, you shouldn't have. But... it doesn't matter anymore. I forgive you, Kacchan. I always have."

"Yeah, yeah," Bakugou muttered.

"Uncle Deku, I think you're too forgiving," Sayuri huffed, folding her arms across her chest in the same manner as her father.

Deku laughed, glancing back at Melissa who nodded in silent agreement. "Maybe. But Kacchan had his own struggles. Sometimes he still has them," he smirked.

"Shut it, nerd," Bakugou growled.

"Dad!" Sayuri sighed.

"Sayu-chan," Deku began, ignoring Bakugou's anger. He was quite good at that, after so many years of doing so. "I hear you've been having trouble at school."

"No," she snapped, her cheeks turning bright red. "I-I mean... I'm handling it."

"Mmm..." Deku nodded. "That's understandable. Just know that no matter what they say to you, you are stronger than them."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"'Course she's stronger!" Bakugou snapped. "She's the strongest fuckin' girl."

Deku laughed. "See? You're always going to be number one to your dad."

"Yeah," she said softly. "He's always going to be number one to me. Even if he was an asshole to you when you guys were kids."

"He's less of one now," Deku teased.

"Shut up, I'm nice as shit to you," he snorted.

"Definitely," Deku laughed. "So... will you two be staying for dinner?"

"No," Bakugou said, a soft sigh slipping from his lips. "If I don't go cook for Ochako, she'll either die or eat some shit that's terrible for her."

"Ah! Yeah, please go take care of Ochako-chan," Deku said, still smiling.

"Someone's gotta..." he grumbled. "Let's go, Baby Girl." He began to make his way towards the front of Deku's house with Sayuri when he paused, turning around. "I meant it," he said. "I shouldn't have said that shit."

"I know, Kacchan," Deku smiled. "It's really okay. It always has been."

"Yeah, right," he muttered, leaving them behind. He wasn't sure if it would really ever be okay, but at least he had said it.

The two began the walk back to their own house, heading down the street when he felt Sayuri slip her hand in his. "Thanks..." she whispered. "I know you... did that more for me than for him."

She wasn't wrong, but he squeezed her hand gently. "Anything for you, Baby Girl."

Swallowing, she nodded. "I know... and... I meant what I said... You're still my number one hero..."

For a moment, his breath caught in his chest and he stopped walking. He pressed his teeth into his lips, squeezing her hand harder. "That's right..." he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "You'll always be my perfect girl."

"I know," she said, smiling at him.

And her smile was enough. As long as he was number one to her, it would always be enough.

#kacchako #bakugou katsuki #uraraka ochako #oc kids #bnha #boku no hero academia #what we lack #bakugou and his daughter talk

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bee-kathony · 6 years

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McTavish & Beauchamp

Thank you @jules-fraser for the beautiful moodboard!

Previous Chapters

McTavish & Beauchamp - Ch. 16: First Words

The next few days were spent in fearful anticipation. No news of Jack Randall’s death had reached our doorstep, and I wasn’t entirely sure if that was a good or bad thing. On one hand, if Jamie was suspected in murdering Randall, I’m sure the gendarme would have already taken him away to the bastille.

But Jamie was lying in bed next to me, bouncing Faith on his chest, and I laughed when she giggled and placed both small chubby hands on Jamie’s cheeks.

“That’s Daddy, darling.” I poked her nose, “Can you say Dada?”

“She’ll call me Da, none of this dada business,” Jamie smiled and lifted Faith into the air and then brought her stomach to his mouth and blew raspberries against it. She burst into a fit of giggles and kicked out her legs.

“What do ye say my wee lass, can ye say Da?” Jamie asked Faith and we both stared at her intently. She had been babbling nonsense the past few months and I knew it should be anytime that she should start talking as she was almost one.

“Da?” Jamie repeated again, but Faith only gave him a blank look in return.

“Och, ye’ll say it in yer own time, lass.” Kissing her on the chubbiest of cheeks, Jamie sat up a little straighter in the bed and let Faith crawl over the covers.

“Do you think it’s good that we haven’t heard any news about Black Jack?” I asked, reaching for his left hand and massaging the spot between thumb and forefinger.

“I dinna ken, perhaps today I’ll ask wee Fergus to see what he can find out. I don’t think it’s safe for me to show my face at Maison Elise.”

“Nor do I want you going back to that… establishment.” I sighed and he smirked at my comment.

“Aye, I willna go back, Sassenach. Not when I have you lying in my bed, with that round arse of yours.” Jamie’s hand slipped from mine and moved across to my bum, giving it a firm squeeze. I felt a bid strange with Faith at the end of the bed, but kissed Jamie anyways.

“Good, because I want my husband here with me.” I kissed him, letting my tongue explore the warmth of his mouth.

“Maybe Murtagh can take Faith for a wee bit…” Jamie glanced at Faith near our feet who was happily clapping her hands together and looking at the ceiling.

“Mmmm, that sounds like a fantastic idea.” I replied and Jamie was out of the bed quicker than I could blink, picking up Faith and taking her towards the door. When Jamie wanted something he really put his mind to it. I heard him call for Murtagh in the hall and only a minute later, Jamie returned alone.

“Murtagh is goin’ to take her to play with the horses, she’s quite fond of them.” He smiled and crawled back into bed next to me.

“She gets that from her father,” sighing, I wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled him nearly on top of me. It had been awhile since we’d made love and now that we were finally alone, I was aching for it.

“You know…” I licked his bottom lip slowly, “if we were to make another baby, I would be quite happy with that.”

Jamie’s lips stiffened against mine and he leaned up on his hands. “Ye want another bairn?”

“Yes, I do. Everything with Faith that’s happened, I realized I want to keep growing our family, and frankly as soon as possible.” I smiled up nervously at him. “It’s not like I have an easy way to stop myself from getting pregnant in any case, but I thought I would let you know that I would be okay with it.”

A slow grin appeared on his face, and he bent his head down to me, kissing me deeply, letting one hand slide down the length of my stomach before resting over my belly. “God, give us a child,” he said quietly, as if we were the only two people in the world. “Let this child be loved and made whole in yer image.” I felt tears sting in my eyes as Jamie then moved down my body, lifted my shift and placed a tender kiss to my belly.

“Oh, Jamie.” I placed my hand on his cheek, watching him smile and then something switched in him. He lifted my shift over my head and stretched himself out on top of me, bringing his mouth to my breast. First he licked a slow trail around my nipple before taking it into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked. Jamie was always aroused at the idea of making a baby together.

I cradled his head to my chest and watched his tongue flick against my right nipple before licking over to my left and taking the peak into his mouth. He wanted it slow, I could tell by the way he took his time.

I flexed my hips up, but he placed a firm hand against me and held me steady to the bed. If he wouldn’t have me yet, the least he could do was take off his shirt. Reaching forward, he made a Scottish noise of complaint as his mouth detached from my breasts but complied when I tugged at his nightshirt. Looking between his legs, I saw he was more than ready, so I reached out to touch his cock, but again he stopped me.

“Jamie, please,” I begged and he laughed as he grabbed both of my hands and held them above my head on the pillow.

“Not yet, Sassenach. I want to love on ye first,” Jamie kissed my mouth before moving back to his original comfortable position on my breasts. With every flick of his tongue, I grew more and more impatient and also more aroused. My legs were squirming underneath him, trying to get any kind of friction that I could.

He chuckled against me, sending a delicious vibration throughout my body. With a ‘pop’, Jamie released my breast from his mouth, and finally kissed me, invading my mouth with his tongue. I arched my back off the bed, and he slid a hand underneath me. Jamie’s arms were so long that he could wrap it around my body and nearly touch my breast on the other side. His grip was firm, as he held me to him. His right hand slid down my stomach and finally rested in between us. I wiggled my hips again and this time I was satisfied when I felt him press against me, only the tip of his cock sliding over my slit.

“Jamie, Christ…” I nearly growled, and he laughed that damn laugh before finally spreading my legs and sliding home.

I cried out as he filled me, almost coming from the feel of his cock inside of me. At the idea of making another baby, I felt my cheeks blush hot and tears fill my eyes. Jamie stilled above me, leaning down to kiss a stray tear.

“What’s wrong, mo nighean?”

I shook my head slowly, “The last time we conceived, it was by accident. We weren’t yet married, but this time…” I wrapped one leg tightly around his waist. “I love you, Jamie. So much that it hurts me to be separated from you.”

“Shhh, mo cridhe. We willna ever be apart.” He kissed me slowly, and then reared back before sliding fully into me. With every thrust, a promise was made. A hope of our future was sealed as we came together again and again.

Jamie loved me with his mouth, with his hands, with his cock. I held onto him fiercely, willing my body to take him and create life. This man was my heart, my whole world. In the end, we grew hungry and our limbs intertwined in a sweaty mess as he moved himself against my body.

Moments after spilling his seed into me, I held him cradled to my chest, softly stroking the wet hairs at the nape of his neck.

“What should we do now?” I asked and he took a deep breath.

“Well, if ye give me a minute, Sassenach, I should be able to serve ye again.” Jamie leaned his head up and planted a kiss against the top of my breast.

Laughing, I squeezed his neck gently, “No… I meant what do we do now, in Paris. Do we stay?”

He pursed his lips, “Och, I dinna ken. Once we find out news of Randall then we can decide. There isna much for us here, besides me helping Jared with his business.”

“I do love my work at l’hopital, but I do miss Lallybroch, and Jenny and Ian. And Faith’s birthday is in five weeks, it would be nice to spend it with family.”

“It sounds like ’tis decided then, Sassenach.” Jamie smiled and traced his finger along my belly button. “We’ll sail home as soon as I find a way for us.”

“I very much like the sound of that, my love.” Just as I kissed him, I heard a wail from outside our door, and Jamie sighed. He threw on his shirt, and walked to the door, retrieving a crying Faith from an anxious Murtagh.

“Aw, munchkin, what’s the matter,” I cooed and held out my arms as Jamie sat back down in the bed. “Did the horsey scare you?”

Jamie smoothed her little bit of hair back against her forehead and Faith made a noise that sounded an awful lot like ‘Da’.

“What did ye say, lass?” Jamie looked at Faith, holding one of her tiny hands in his.

Faith looked back and forth between us, before opening her mouth wide, looking Jamie straight in the face and shouting “Da!”

Jamie’s face lit up and he hugged Faith tightly to him as she began a chorus of ‘Da’s’, which sent Jamie into a sniveling mess of tears and snot. It was quite a sight to see a big scot reduced to tears at his child saying ‘Da’ for the first time. This interaction also brought me to tears, which I quickly dried on the bedsheets because I didn’t want Faith to think anything was wrong.

“That’s very good, darling.” I smiled and rubbed my hand over her back.

“Now ye just need to say ‘Mam’, and it’ll even better,” Jamie encouraged her.

A second later, Faith looked at me, and said “Ma!”, which brought me to tears yet again.

“Our lass is a genius!” Jamie smiled and lifted her into the air, tossing her gently from side to side.

“Two words in one day, I think she can’t be stopped now,” Smiling, I watched my family laugh and instinctively my hand went to my belly. Jamie and I could have just made another child, a sibling for Faith.

++++++

Two days we learned the fate of Black Jack Randall. We already knew he was dead… of course, but Fergus learned after sneaking around the streets of Paris that everyone knew of Randall’s death, and that it was self defense from one of the whores at Maison Elise. It’s apparently well known that if a solider or man threatens a woman at Maison Elise, his lifespan is shortened considerably.

I felt guilty that people assumed it was one of the women at the brothel, but at the same time, that meant no one would coming looking for us.

Jamie was relieved, the evidence was obvious in his attitude and general air of being. He promised to arrange passage back to Scotland as quickly as he could. We had spent a short time in Paris, and it was a welcome break from the craziness of our life before. A chance to be separated from everyone and everything and just be together. But I was looking forward to going back home, especially at the thought of being pregnant again. I wanted my family around me once again, all of them.

#mctavish and beauchamp #jamie mctavish #claire beauchamp #claire fraser #jamie fraser #outlander #outlander fanfic #mclairefras #jamie x claire #chapter 16 #first words #fanfiction

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hushedhands · 7 years

Text

Challenge 61.2

@tardis-23 and @america-the-selected-queen

*That’s right. I did the thing.

“Love? Are you napping?” Maxon had gone briefly back to the office after family time, during which Addy and Jamesy had played very nicely together. Addy was clearly trying to make amends with her parents for her earlier tantrum, so she shared her toys almost too generously with Jamesy. The poor little guy was confused about what to do with so many more toy options than usual. Once Maxon was gone, America put Addy in charge of bath time and, when both kids had passed a cleanliness inspection, she’d sent Addy to her room and tucked Jameson in to bed by singing him a short little song.

That had been an hour ago.

“I’ll never sleep again.” America peeked her eyes open at him. “My back is killing me and I’ve been having ghost contractions just often enough to make me wonder if they’re not real.” she complained from where she sat collapsed into the sofa in the family room, and then she began kneading her enormous belly with her knuckles.

Maxon shrugged off his jacket and abandoned it atop one of their armchairs. “Your back hurts and you’re contracting? That’s labor, isn’t it?”

“I wish.” America whined. “Believe me, if it was anything like labor with Addy or Jamesy, I’d be the first one to the hospital wing, awaiting my pain medication with pleasure. It’s not that.”

Maxon knelt all the way down in front of her and placed both of his hands on her stomach. ‘Any day now’ was the perfect way to describe how soon this baby would be born. Its due date was still over a week away, but this would be America’s third birth, so Doctor Ashlar had warned them that they were probably in for an early, fast delivery. Fast sounded great to Maxon, but he knew it meant something else to America. She’d still need to fully dilate, so a fast delivery really translated to stronger, harder contractions. Maxon placed a gentle kiss on her stomach and said, “Whatever we can do to make you more comfortable, Love. Perhaps there’s some sort of pain medication the doctor can give you now?”

It was a mark of how tired and uncomfortable America was that she, the drug-shy former Five who never took unnecessary medication if she could help it, was seriously considering Maxon’s proposal. “No,” she finally decided, “I don’t want to do anything to risk the little Bean.”

‘Little Bean’ was what she and Maxon had taken to calling their soon-to-be third born child, from the moment they’d first laid eyes on it during their first ultrasound.

Maxon nodded and leant back, loosening his tie and tossing it over to the same chair that he’d laid his jacket on. “In that case, what can I do for you?”

“Nothing.” America said in a long, drawn out, forlorn way, collapsing her head back on the sofa behind her. Then, a thought occurring to her, she lifted it suddenly and said, “Actually, could you help me up? I’m stuck, and I need to pee.”

Maxon smirked and stood, offering her both of his hands. She took them, and he paused to massage the space between each of her thumbs and the rest of her fingers, then pulled her, hard, up to standing.

She swayed for a moment, freeing one of her hands to place on her lower back to brace it, and when she’d found her balance, she began waddling off toward her bathroom. Maxon followed behind, unbuttoning his shirt.

“How was Addy after I left?” he asked.

“Fine. She cried when I sent her to her room for bedtime, but it wasn’t a fit like earlier. She didn’t fight me.”

Maxon winced, “I didn’t have the chance to tell you. I’ve promised her that I’ll sleep out on the balcony with her tonight. ‘Camping’, of sorts. Did you already send her to bed?”

America looked thoroughly offended, “Of course I did. Why did you promise her a treat like that after the way she behaved today?”

Maxon sighed, glancing back to the family room, as if he could see through the walls to where his daughter lay, betrayed. “She’s hurting, Ames. That tantrum wasn’t about staying in the tree castle a little bit longer, it was about how miserable she is outside of the tree castle. It’s her happy place, and she had a meltdown when she realized how long she’d have to go without being happy again.”

America had a dark look in her eyes, but her expression was inscrutable, even to Maxon, which alarmed him. “What do you mean, she’s not happy? I sat here and watched her play games and read picture books all day long.”

“Those are activities she usually enjoys, but they haven’t been making her happy, which was all the more reason she felt scared. Ames, I caught her packing up to run away tonight.”

America, successfully waylaid on her journey to the toilet, leant against the doorframe of her bathroom, astounded, “Maxon, what… I mean, where could she have thought she’d go?” she had a hundred questions, that was just the first one to find her tongue.

“Your mother’s house.”

“Why?”

“She thinks we don’t love her anymore. She… she’s lonely.”

“Maxon, I’m with her all day!”

“But not in the way she wants you to be. Very understandably, you’re not down on the floor with her when she’s playing right now. And you’re not finger painting with her or playing music for her on the piano. When you don’t do something with her because of the baby, she thinks it’s because you love the baby more than her, she doesn’t understand what pregnancy means for your body, or for you.”

America’s shoulders rolled forward as her head dropped down. She’d have been studying her toes if she could have seen them. She didn’t speak for a long moment, and when she did, it was with a soft voice, “This is my fault.”

“Of course it isn’t.” Maxon closed the gap between them and placed his hands on her hips, massaging with his thumbs.

“Yes, it is. I’m the one who begged you for another baby. I should have waited longer, until Addy and Jamesy were ready. Until we could handle taking care of them, giving them what they needed, on top of another pregnancy.”

“Sweetheart, we had no idea how difficult this pregnancy would be when we started out. This has been above and beyond anything we faced before—“ Maxon reminded her.

“We should have been ready for a worst-case scenario. For Addy and Jamesy, we should have been prepared for anything.” America insisted.

Maxon pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose before she turned her face, unwilling to be comforted yet. “America, you don’t get to blame yourself for this. We’re both Addy’s parents, we both let her drift a little too far away. She still wants to be our baby, I’m perfectly thrilled to let her. We’ll figure out how to take care of her.”

“If it wasn’t for this…” America stopped mid-sentence, tears spilling from her eyes as she gestured down to her enormous stomach.

Maxon had to move to the side to hug her as closely as he wanted to, but this was his third baby, so he was a pro at finding the sweet spot by now. He held her, kissed her hair, and steeled himself against the heartbreak he felt at seeing not one but both of his girls crying in the same night.

“You’re tired and your whole body aches.” Maxon murmured, “You’re frustrated, but you don’t get to blame yourself. We both decided to have this baby, we’re equal partners.”

“But I’m the one—“ America hurried to argue, but he pressed one finger gently to her lips and she fell silent.

“Are you going to blame yourself forever? When this baby teethes and is up all night crying, will you blame yourself for our exhaustion? When it’s kicking and biting during its terrible twos, will it be your fault we’re at our wit’s end? When it starts dating and there’s tabloid scandal, will the uproar be your fault? When does it stop for you? How long until you realize that you and I are a team in raising this new baby, just like our other children?”

America sniffled and gulped the lump out of her throat, “Addy was going to run away, Maxon?”

“She thought we didn’t want her here anymore.”

America shook her head, rejecting the words coming in through her ears,“Our baby bird…”

“I know. I’m going to go and get her, to see if she still wants to sleep with me on the balcony. She still wants to be our good little girl, America, she wants to impress us. She didn’t like what happened today any more than you did. I think a little special attention will really, really help.”

America nodded, sniffling again, glad that her husband had a plan.“ Okay, good. I’ll send an attendant maid for some camping snacks for you, we’ll make it an extra special event. Trail mix? S’mores? Juice boxes?”

“She’ll love it.” Maxon smiled, then pressed a kiss to his wife’s mouth. He lingered a moment, teasing her lips, considering her. “But if you’re in labor, we can reschedule our campout.”

America paused and stared down at her stomach, willing it to contract, willing her water to break, willing anything to happen at all. Nothing did. America scowled and let out a frustrated sound before groaning, “No labor.”

“Alright, then.” Maxon laughed at her, then released her, turning back to the family room. He shucked off his outer shirt, adding it to the heap on the arm chair on his way out the door.

Addy’s room was right across the hall, and he gently creaked it open. Addy was laying asleep on top of her covers, Elephanty clutched tightly to her body, a thumb in her mouth. Addy hadn’t sucked her thumb in years, and Maxon shook his head at the sight. He didn’t want her to regress like this. As he got closer to her, he winced at the sight of tear tracks on her cheeks and dried snot on her nose. She’d cried herself to sleep.

Maxon slipped into her bathroom, dampened a soft rag with warm water, and then returned to her. He sat on the edge of her bed and brushed her baby soft red hair out of her face gently. She sleepily opened her eyes, “Daddy?” she croaked.

“Hey, Bird. You still want to do our campout?”

“We can?” she was surprised, slowly pushing herself upright on her bed.

“Of course we can. I promised, didn’t I?”

“Bedtime’s over, it’s too late.” Addy reminded him.

Maxon checked his watch. Technically, Addy’s bedtime had only just passed. She’d fallen asleep before her usual time. Addy didn’t know how to tell time, though, so she had no way of knowing how long had passed since America had sent her to her room after bath time. “We can stay up past bedtime tonight, if you want to.”

“For really?” Addy’s eyebrows raised, “Mommy will be mad.”

“No, Mommy’s happy for us. She’s ordering snacks for us.”

Addy still looked uncertain, “We’ll be in trouble.”

“I promise. I’m the King, and I’m giving us special permission to stay up past bedtime tonight and make a tent out of sheets on the balcony, and fill our tent with soft, soft blankets and pillows, and then we can eat our special camping snacks.”

This royal proclamation seemed to set Addy’s mind at ease, “How late will we stay up?” she asked, but she was more excited than worried this time.

“I don’t know, how late do you want to stay up?” Maxon waggled his eyebrows at her.

She giggled so hard that her shoulders heaved as she managed to say the most exotic, dangerous, exciting time she could think of. “Midnight!”

Maxon gasped, pretending to be startled by the proposition of ‘midnight’, and that made Addy laugh harder.

Maxon studied her, memorizing the way her face looked, all lit up with happiness. He wanted to know, forever, what to look for in his daughter’s expression. He wanted to notice when it was missing, so that next time, he could help her sooner.

Addy caught him staring at her, and he gently pressed the warm rag in his hand to her cheeks, and then her nose, wiping it clean. “You were crying, Bird?”

“Oh, yeah. When Mommy left me in here.”

“You like quiet time. Why did it make you cry?”

“I thought you forgot me.” Addy shrugged, embarrassed to be saying it out loud. Her cheeks flushed pink. “I thought you forgot camping and I wouldn’t see you until morning. Or even tomorrow dinner.” she shuddered.

Maxon wished for the anger he’d seen from her before. He wished she’d been outraged that he’d seemed to have lied to her, instead of devastated to have been forgotten. “Birdy, I could never, ever forget you. You’re my daughter. You’re the first baby your mother and I ever had. I love you more than any number, ever.”

“More than a hundred?”

“Much, much more.” he promised, and paused, wishing she knew what a ‘squillion’ was so that maybe she could start to understand the magnitude of it all. “I’ve loved you since before you were born. Since before I met your mother.”

“I wasn’t alive, Daddy.” Addy pointed out, and again, she didn’t think he was lying. She thought he was confused. She just couldn’t see anything nefarious in him, and it hurt his heart. He was grateful, for the thousandth time, that Clarkson had died before Addy was born, because Addy wouldn’t have seen the bad in him. She’d have blamed herself for his abusive behavior, just as Maxon had at her age.

Maxon scooped Addy into his lap and said, “I know you weren’t alive, Bird, but I always knew I’d have a child someday, and I wanted that child to be happy. I used to think about what my child would look like, and if you’d sleep in my old bedroom from when I was a kid. I used to wonder all kinds of things about you, and I always wanted to make sure you had a safe, happy place to live.

“Sometimes you were a kid?” Addy couldn’t wrap her brain around what he was saying.

Maxon squeezed her tight, “Yep. And I loved you, even then. So don’t ever, ever think that I don’t want you. I’ve always, always, always wanted you. And I could never forget about you.” Then, to lighten the mood, he tickled her ribs and said, “Got it?”

Addy screamed a giggle and gasped, “Got it!!” to make the tickling stop. With that, Maxon stood and scooped her up with him, carrying her upside down to the family room. America stood there waiting for them, and laughed at their sudden appearance.

“Well, well, if it isn’t my two beloved campers.” America grinned.

“We’ll be far out in the wilderness if you need us, I’m afraid.” Maxon said grimly. “Might have to fight some tigers to make it back to you, but we’ll do it if you need us.”

“I’m sure I’ll be just fine with the whole bed to myself.” America winked.

“Uh-oh,” he mused as he set Addy on her feet upright, “Bird, if Mommy likes having the whole bed to herself too much, we might be stuck camping until after the baby is born.”

“Yay!!” Addy clapped. To her young mind the baby’s due date was an eternity away, and she would love an eternity of camping with her daddy.

“Maxon, could you give me just a moment with Bird Camper?” America asked. Maxon nodded, heading to his room to gather linens for their sheet tent.

“Addy?” America asked to get her attention.

“I’m in trouble?” Addy seemed disappointed, like she’d known all along that this was too good to be true.

“No, baby, I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I haven’t been feeling good, and it’s made me cranky. I didn’t know you were sad. What can I do to help you feel better?”

Addy shrugged timidly. “I don’t know. Toys?”

America smiled. Addy was too little to understand that the sadness she’d been feeling came from a place too deep to fill with toys.

“I’ll try to have more special, one-on-one Addy time. Okay?” America asked.

Addy considered it. “Ms. Talia can do our hairs together.” she suggested.

America laughed, “Ms. Talia would love to do our hair, and we can sit together while she does.”

“Maybe she has a ribbon for me…” Addy pondered. Sometimes Natalia brought ribbons from the Palace sewing rooms especially because Addy loved them so much. “She can put it in my braids…”

“If not, I’m sure she’d be happy to braid in one of your other beautiful ribbons.”

Addy grinned, imagination whirling with the possibilities.

“Bird?” It was Maxon, poking his head in the family room from his room. “I’ve got the sheets, if you’re ready to put up our tent.”

Addy looked up to America for permission, and America nodded eagerly. “Have fun.” America encouraged.

Addy didn’t have to be told twice. She raced past Maxon, ready for their very special father-daughter campout to begin.

#Challenge #laws of inheritance

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theboykingandhisconsort · 7 years

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Chapter 24 I’d Give Up Everything Just Ask Me To

> “I don’t wanna die.” Sam gasped out bood gushing from the wound slashing across his side and slicking the ground and dripping from where it was splattered along the rocks Sam gulped in a breath his hands pressing against the furrow in his side as Dean’s arms wrapped tightly around his body his hands slipping as he gripped on to Sam’s blood slick skin “I don’t wanna go to hell.” Sam gasped out through spasms of pain that shook his whole body “If you die,” Dean held Sam tighter, willing against it with every fiber of his being, “you’re going straight to heaven.” Sam jerked with a sob he wanted to believe it. “D'n no please don’t lie.” Tears caused his voice to tremble and crack “Straight to heaven ya hear me Sammy?” Sam weakly shook his head shuddering as bloodloss began to take its toll “No D'n, Ruby and Lilth and Lucifer.” He coughed and Dean flinched jerking back and squeezing his eyes shut at the blood that speckled his chin “I’m s'rry D'n.” He mumbled removing his hand to grip at Dean’s sleeve Dean panicked placing his own hands over the weeping wound “It’s not your fault ya hearing me Sammy?” Tears streamed down Dean’s cheeks falling onto Sam’s face as he laid trembling in Dean’s grip “I don’t wanna die.” Sam cried quietly again as the tremors slowly died down and began fading away, Dean’s grip tightened, his teeth grinding together as he sallowed hard against the emotions running through him. “Your not gonna die Sammy alright?” He pleaded to whatever deity that was listening to keep his brother with him “I didn’t know D'n, I just wanted to save people, to save you.” Sam wept twisting his fingers in Dean’s sleeve until the fabric gave away and ripped. Dean didn’t try hiding the sobs that tore their way free of his throat as the fabric floated towards the ground blood instantly turning it crimson “Shush I gotcha Sammy.” He might not be able to heal Sam but he could damn well make sure he knew that he wasn’t alone anymore “Hey Sammy?” Dean whispered his voice raspy and his tone destroyed “D'n?” Sam hummed back weakly turning his face to gaze up at Dean with glassy, tired bloodshot eyes “Do one thing for me okay?” Dean released one hand to cup Sam’s face blood coating the kids jaw with crimson finger paint “Say I love you Dean.” He whispered innocently tears blurring his vision as he realized Sam didn’t even have the strength to cry anymore “I-I lo-love y'u D'n.” Sam stuttered his teeth chattering as the freezing cold began to seep into his bones paralyzing his body with the stinging bitter kiss of death "I love you too Sammy.“ Dean pulled Sam into a laying position tucking him against his chest as he tried to both keep his brother warm and keep pressure on the gaping wound "I’m so tired D'n.” Sam murmured turning his face into Dean’s neck smearing warm blood and cold sweat across his skin Dean huffed and gave a watery laugh “Go to sleep Sammy I’m right here okay? I’m not leaving ya.” He began to rock gently back and forth smoothing the damp hair from Sam’s pale gaunt face “Your gonna be just fine.” He said, not knowing whether he was holding Sam too tight, but knowing that he needed this too. Needed the physical evidence that he had Sam back for the moment, that Sam’s heart was still beating, and that he’d be okay even if it was just for now, just for a few more minutes. Sam gave a choking gasp his back arching causing more blood to spill and pool around them “I remember when you were a baby you’d take your small little hands whenever I tried to give you your bottle, and you’d shove mine off,” Dean gave a watery laugh tears clogging his throat as he held on to Sam’s body “You couldn’t have been more than a year old and yet you were already a bossy little bitch.” His shoulders shook with the silent sobs tearing through him “ I tried so hard to protect you Sammy from this world from death,” he paused and sucked in a breath upon realizing Sam had went still in his arms “I wanted so badly to be able to blame you for changing while I was in hell but I couldn’t because I would’ve done the same. But I couldn't see past the fact the Sam that I knew wasn't a kid anymore,” He paused sallowing loudly his hands shaking as he ran through Sam's blood soaked hair "You were strong Sammy and independent it scared me you know? Not your powers I could get over that much, but the faith and trust you still had in everyone and everything I'm not saying that you didn't make any mistakes, I could've done without the whole blood drinking, but Sammy your so much more than what you believe you are, you hear me?" Sam was quiet his breath gurgling in his lungs thick warm wetness pooling at the corners of his lips Dean quirked a mirthless smile as Sam's fingers twitched minutely on Dean’s sleeve his body shuddering his Dean's grasp “You're still the snot nosed little bitch I had been raising since I was four years old.” He placed a gentle kiss on the top of Sam’s head breathing in the scent of his shampoo through the overpowering smell of blood and trying to commit it to memory “I’m so proud of you kiddo of who you turned out to be.” Sam’s fingers twitched again and Dean gave a breathtakingly sad smile brushing his lips softly against Sam's head once again “I don’t know if you remember but when you were little you’d have nightmares and I- I’d sing to y-you Hey Jude, because it was what Mom would sing to me.” He closed his eyes to the picture of a 10 year old Sam staring up at him with awe filled eyes as he began the song the hard scratchy motel blankets causing their skin to itch and his small hands curved around the amulet that hung around Dean's neck. Dean smiled at the memory tears gathering in his eyes and spilling slowly down his cheeks. He brushed them away sinking to lay flat on his back Sam cradled against his chest, as if they were still 10 and 14 still young and full of hope. “Go to sleep Sammy. I’m right here.” He promised and at 1:56 on a Sunday morning stuck out in a dark forrest holding his bleeding out brother against him Dean began to sing , softly lulling his baby brother to sleep… or death. Dean kept singing well into daylight his eyes squeezed shut and his mind lost in the onslaught of memories as he refused to acknowledge the fact the Sam might not be able to hear him but afraid to get his hopes up that he could, So Dean kept singing, his voice catching and roughening as both the time - and the tune - wore on. His eyes were swollen and red and his skin pale and bloctchy from exhaustion, stress, and fear and every now and then he’d tug Sam’s limp form up closer to him and Sam would flop like a puppet according to Dean’s pulls. It terrified Dean but he still held on tight his grip never relenting even as his arms with numb with the force of his grip. Still kept Sam covered, protected, and loved. After while Dean felt his own eyes began to shut and with the startling realization that Sam might have finally left to a place where Dean couldn’t follow him he allowed them too, content for now with the weight of Sam pressed against him and the thick fall of dark red blood still pouring from Sam’s side like a spicket turned to high warming their ice cold skin.

{ Excerpt taken from Be My Oasis, Short Stories by Teamfreewill2005 }

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amymel86 · 7 years

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Not How It Was Meant To Happen - part 4/5 - Jon x Sansa

Jon's not quite sure what he's done wrong - apart from ruin her life by knocking her up, you idiot - but Sansa has definitely been avoiding him lately.

Sure, they still go grocery shopping together and Jon attends all the baby related appointments and antenatal classes, but he finds himself alone in their lounge most evenings whilst Sansa secludes herself to her room. They don't even eat their evening meal together and Jon can't remember the last time she laid a sleepy head on his shoulder or lap to watch tv together. He misses that.

The only reason that Jon can think would cause this distance between them is the very thing he hoped Sansa had not noticed - his utter depravity.

He can't help it - the staring. His eyes are constantly being pulled to the roundness of her belly and the swell of her breasts. He's not forgotten all the other aspects of Sansa that used to fuel his dreams either - her long shapely legs, glittering blue eyes, perfectly shaped rosy lips and all that glossy copper hair - but these new admirations - they are there because of him, and it makes him feel oddly possessive and equally aroused.

He'll never admit to liking the way they look together, - on the odd occasion that they do venture out of the apartment as a twosome. Sansa's pregnant state is like a non verbal warning to all other men - back off, she's mine...even though she isn't.

Jon tries not to think too closely about what type of man that train of thought makes him.

Like she is a piece of land that Jon has raised his flag upon and staked his claim.

But Sansa is not that piece of land to be owned and claimed - she is an intelligent, witty, driven and caring woman. Jon knows this. He knows it to his core, and yet the caveman part of his brain often overrules him of late.

He wonders if other men look at her growing curves and feel the same tight feeling of carnal want that he does? Maybe they don't, maybe it's sparked something primal with in him because Sansa is carrying HIS child? Maybe they do? And in that case, Jon is completely willing to break a few noses.

Either way, he's a little ashamed at just how often he cums in his hand by imagining a pregnant Sansa riding his cock....He feels especially guilty when the crying starts.

It's normal, she tries to tell him with red puffy eyes. Just hormones wreaking havoc, she says with a sniff and a forced watery smile. But Jon can't help but think that there's more to it.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Jon" Sansa sniffles and snorts one time when he finds her balled up on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, her face wet with tears and snot.

"Sorry for what, Sansa"? Jon says in the softest voice he could muster, feeling like he wanted to cry himself, looking at her lashes, wet with tears.

"For what I've done....the mistake" she whispered in a shaky, gasp of a voice.

"....I don't...what do you mean, love"?

"Getting pregnant...all of it" she says so quietly it's as if she mouths it, her eyes fixed on the carpet.

"Getting pregnant"? Jon repeats "...why are you-....that was both of us Sans...I'm...I'm sorry too...it's not ideal, but it was both of us, we both made that baby...please don't be sorry, don't shoulder any blame" Jon curls one hand over her knee in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

Sansa moves her eyes to try to meet his - except that they don't. She's not looking at him, she's looking through him, as one side of her mouth is forced to quirk upwards slightly to mimic something close to a smile. She blinks rapidly as if the movement would seal off her tear ducts and takes a quick, large suck of a breath. "I think I'll have a bath".

And just like that, she moves away from Jon, leaving him concerned on the couch as he listens to the thunder of water rushing from the taps in the bathroom.

Jon worries himself about Sansa's episodes of sadness so much that after one of her antenatal appointments, he makes an excuse to leave her side for a brief moment in order to corner a midwife to ask what he could do. Depression during pregnancy can be quite common, he's told, as the plump, motherly woman jots down a dedicated helpline number to pass on to Sansa.

"Here" he says, once they'd both buckled up in his car, ready for the journey home, handing her the yellow post-it note with the number on it. "A midwife gave it to me...its for if you want to talk to someone about how you're feeling....you know...ah...emotions and things".

Sansa doesn't say anything. Just nods and sticks the yellow square to his glove compartment door. She turns to her window which is littered with raindrops and has steamed up on the inside. Sansa idly draws little hearts on the foggy glass. She does that a lot, and Jon normally finds himself smiling when past hearts reappear each time it's cold out. Sansa spends the whole car journey gazing out of the window and stroking her now very round belly. Jon wishes he could just casually reach out and touch it too, maybe cover her hand with his and never let go.

*******

Sansa's busying herself with something new one day when he comes home from work. She's there on the sofa with needles and soft mint green wool, the tip of her tongue touching her top lip in concentration.

"I've taught myself to knit"! She exclaims breezily, not looking up from the click clack of needles. "Well - YouTube taught me how to knit really" her eyes flicker up to Jon with a smile that he'd not seen on her face for such a long time.

Jon grins back at her, just plain happy that she's happy.

He catches sight of what she's already made, laid out on the sofa next to her. Two little booties and a hat. "Sans! Did you make those today"?!

"Yea - those were easy. I'm doing a cardigan next"! She beams up at him before holding up the knitting pattern for him to see.

"You learnt how to do this today"?

"I've got a lot of time on my hands Jon... and I can't stand doing nothing all day, so I took at trip to the craft store first thing this morning".

Jon sits down and picks up one of the little booties, it was white and had a little blue ribbon thread through it at the ankle, tied into a bow.

"I've got pink ribbon too...to swap out if it's a girl".

"They're so small" he croaks, fingering the soft wool.

"So will our baby be" Sansa smiles.

He likes it when she says stuff like that - our baby - reminding him that whatever they are to each other, there will always be this something, this one thing, this little person that will link them together permanently. Our baby.

"I wish I could do more" Jon says, causing Sansa to still her needles and look up at him in question. "For the baby...I can't make stuff like this Sansa, you're great at stuff like this" he says, his fingers brushing over the turned up rim of the little hat.

"You do plenty Jon"! Sansa says forcefully "you found this apartment for us, you've bought the crib and things....and you'll be shouldering the rent alone after my maternity pay stops....until I get a new job".

"You don't have to if you don't want to...get another job that is".

"I don't want my career to ground to a halt Jon" she starts up the knocking of needles and looping of yarn again, her hands moving in an irritated fashion as she scowls at her slowly forming creation.

Jon brings his attention back to the little woollen boot in his hand. He clears his throat for words unknown. Sansa had always been focussed on what she had wanted to do, always been career minded. She'd had a couple of temp contracts with different magazines, shadowing writers and editors and generally being the office assistant, but she longed to be the one doing the writing herself, to put her Journalism degree to good use. Jon had never had that amount of focus in his life.

Until now.

Jon felt Sansa's eyes on him again, the noise of her knitting slowing down to a silent stop. He looked up to meet her gaze.

"Would you like to do some"?

He stares back at her, perplexed. Sansa smiles in return.

"The next few rows are a simple knit....you could do a couple for me if you like"?

"You think I could knit"?

"I know you can" Sansa replies, scooting close to be side-by-side, her thigh touching with Jons. She raises her needles out in front of her, all her previous work hanging from one of them. Glancing at him with an encouraging smile, Sansa proceeds to show Jon the proper loop, hook and pull of a stitch. She repeats the action three times and then hands him her work. She guides his hands and yarn for the first stitch but soon backs away, returning to the cozy corner of the sofa he found her in. Jon can feel her eyes on him even through his concentration.

Sansa giggles as Jon is nearing the end of the row of knitting. "Well I never thought knitting could be hot, but you've somehow managed to pull it off"!

Jon glances up at her, only a single beat of a second slips by before he beams back at her mischievous look.

"Even with that little tongue poke you do" Sansa chuckles.

"Tongue poke"?

"Yea... when you're really concentrating, you poke your lil' tongue out to the side like this".

Sansa mimics him and Jon thinks that there's no way that he looks as adorable as she does right now.

"I don't do that" he shakes his head happily. He doesn't mention that Sansa does something similar, he likes that she's unaware of it.

"You so do".

After their shared laughter drifts out of their grasp, there's an inkling of awkwardness to the silence that replaces it. Sansa picks at imaginary fluff on her leggings.

"How's Ygritte"?

"You know Ygritte"? He asks, genuinely confused and taken aback by the sudden question.

"She introduced herself that time I missed you for lunch" Sansa shrugged.

"She's fine, she's fine..." Jon nods "settling in well at work...she already knows a lot about the tools we sell, so she's pretty good at advising people on those".

"That's good" Sansa responds, forcing herself to look at Jon and give him a smile. Her eyes betraying the sunny farce.

"Is everything alright Sans"?

"Oh yes" she says quickly, nodding far too enthusiastically, before alighting the sofa. "I'm going to start dinner, do you think you could do three more rows of knitting, just like that"? Sansa calls over her shoulder, not waiting to hear his response before she disappears in the direction of the kitchen.

****************

Two Weeks Later

Being a manager has many perks, Jon realises, as he yet again avoids Ygritte at work by locking himself away in his office while she's on the shop floor with Grenn.

He could have chalked up her flirtatious behaviour to either it just plainly being part of her character or his own over-active imagination....if it weren't for the conversation he had with Grenn last week....

"She's after you I reckon".

"Who"?

"The other redhead in your life - the one you haven't knocked up"

Jon rolls his eyes. "Ygritte? She's not 'in my life'....I just work with her".

"Ah-huh" Grenn nods, rubbing his jaw whilst keeping his eyes trained on Jon. "You'd better tell her that".

"You're being ridiculous" Jon muttered to himself before raising the level of his voice. "Why on earth would she be interested? She knows I live with Sansa".

"Just 'live with'"? Grenn raises an eyebrow. "Nothing more going on between you and your baby-mama"?

Jon ignored his friends question with a grunt before turning his back on him to busy himself by changing a till roll. He hears Grenn's quiet chuckle behind him.

"Ok...so maybe I have noticed that she's....overly friendly with me sometimes...how do I let her know I'm not interested"?

"Fire her"? Grenn shrugs.

"Yes, that sounds fair" Jon snorts sarcastically.

"I dunno bossman....but the way that little firecracker stares at you sometimes?...." Grenn shudders "it's fucking intense man...in a lock-your-pet-bunny-away-safely kinda way, you know"?

After bumbling about in his office, managing to stretch out all of the paperwork he could possibly do, Jon heads to the stock room with a print out of a spreadsheet to do a stocktake.

He's in there, in the small, dark room, in amongst storage shelves, counting boxes of nails when he hears the door open and click closed again.

"So this where you're hiding" Ygritte says in a cheery tone.

Jon glances at her nervously, gives her a perfunctory smile and turns back to his stocktake. He somehow manages to finish his counting of one particular size of nail and takes the pencil out from behind his ear to jot down the number - all while he can feel her eyes blazing hot on his back.

"How's Sansa"?

Jon starts at her question, turning around to Ygritte, unable to stop the glare from leaving his eyes.

"She's fine" he says curtly.

"It's very good of you, you know" she purrs, stalking closer "letting her live with you".

"She's having my baby Ygritte, it's the least I could do" Jon replies, starting to turn back to face the shelves before Ygritte places a hand in his arm to stop him.

"But you didn't need to...you're a good man".

Jon looks down at her hand, feeling it scorch through his skin, branding his bones and marrow. "No....anyone would do that...anyone should do that, if they're in my situation....it's about being decent, not good....besides-" he raises his eyes to glare directly back at Ygritte "I would do anything for Sansa...for Sansa and the baby".

Ygritte's smile falters ever so slightly before she regains control of herself. "Your situation?...what situation is that, Jon"?

Jon shrugs his arm away from her touch and moves to face her square on. "What are you getting at Ygritte"?

"All I'm saying is..." she leans in closer, talking deliberately slowly "perhaps you'd like...a different kind of situation"? On her last words she quickly closes the gap and presses her demanding lips to his.

"What the hell you doing"?! He demands as he rears backwards, knocking into a shelving unit.

"Come on Jon" she steps forward, stroking his chest.

"No. Ygritte"

"Don't let this one little thing ruin your life" she says, hooking her hands around his neck and pushing herself into him making Jon feel penned in. "Kiss me Jon".

"No! I don't want this...I don't want you like that Ygritte"!

"Fine! Go back home to your precious mistake"!

"Mistake"?! Jon pushes her back by the tops of her arms, shaking her a little whilst lowering his head to level their eye-lines "have you said something to Sansa"?

Ygritte keeps quiet, the only sound in the small room being Jon's ragged breaths as he feels his anger rapidly rising "HAVE YOU"?! He yells, his grip on her arms must be painful by now. Ygritte just smirks in response.

"Do you know what Ygritte"? Jon says, deciding he'll get no answers from her by shaking her to death, "you're still within your probationary period - consider your employment with Castle Black Hardware terminated". Jon pushes past her and stalks out of the room, not seeing the confused look of panic on Ygritte's face as he slams the door shut behind him.

Jon strides out to the shop floor, past Grenn at the till without comment and straight out to the pavement outside. Taking in a large slow drag of fresh air, he closes his eyes and then scrubs a hand down his face.

His levels of irritation reach new peaks as his phone buzzes in his pocket.

"What"?! He answers angrily, not looking at who was calling.

"Jon...its the baby...I think something's wrong" Sansa sobs on the other end of the line.

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