#would be lying if i acted like i am not experiencing a little bit of schadenfreude

[californiaquail]

apparently my mother's cult job just got "eliminated" so my (bare minimum) dental and vision insurance is disappearing at the end of the month. thank fucking god i'm moving to washington

[simpjaes]

Omgg you should do a experienced!reader and inexperienced/virgin bf!hyung line, I feel like some of them would be like nervous or anxious about their first time 😭

hyung line + losing their virginity to reader

warnings: submissive men, not all of them are boyfies but just assume you end up dating

jake:

definitely looks, acts, and talks like a virgin, probably has a porn addiction too. also the type to fall in love the second someone touches his dick. Im talking one little squeeze and he's like "i'm in love with you."

you go on a date with him and instantly you can't tell if he's using you to get rid of said virginity or if he genuinely likes you. it's a bit of both, tbh. like the second he saw you he was like "i hope she jumps on me"

you don't mind inexperienced men, virginity doesn't really mean anything unless the other person cherishes it, and you happen to love hooking up. and like, you would try your best to make it somewhat special for him, though he doesn't really pay attention bc he's too horny to be nervous or afraid.

definitely misses the hole twice before you help him put it in, instantly rolls his eyes back and can't stop from fucking forward :( premature ejaculation and all, but he makes it up to you by letting you guide him by the hair while eating u out ♡

jay:

the virgin that you'd assume isn't one until you actually see what he acts like when he's horny :/ also has a huge porn addiction and is the guy on a dating app texting you at 3am (when he's not being nervous about it) like "wyd? wanna meet up?"

ofc you wanna meet up, but it's not like you were expecting him to immediately expect you to give him head as soon as you see him. i mean, you definitely did do that tho.

when it came his turn to do all of the foreplay and stuff, that's when you realize this guy is a virgin and trying to pretend like he isn't, nervous as fuck that you'd make fun of him for it considering he's definitely old enough to have had more experience than this.

and you'd be like "don't tell me..."

and he'd be like "no!!!! i've had so much sex!"

he's a liar, you could tell in the way he rubbed your left lip :/ still, his nervousness turns into obligatory service top shit, where he asks you to tell him what to do, and that you can't leave until you actually come. and boy do you. like over and over again, because he's determined to make you feel as good as that pussy made him feel.

sunghoon:

tripping over his own feet to get to the bed with you on your 2 month anniversary bc he's held out due to nervousness. by the time he gets to the bed, he's the one pretending to be too tired bc he genuinely is so freaked out that he can't live up to what you might expect of him.

"Hoon, all of it feels good, i don't have to orgasm."

"But!!"

ends with you riding him half to death, practically using him like a sex toy, and him becoming a pile of mush under you. His eyes would be glued to your tits and hands glued to your ass :/

man would be so entirely in awe of how you do it, internally thinking to himself like "this is it, im a real man now-" and he totally gets why people have sex addictions after that point. he would also just get better and better at it, until like a week later he's the one on top of you, plunging in deep like he wasn't too afraid to do it just a couple of sessions ago.

heeseung:

lil bit of degradation over being a virgin. like !!! yes!!! he is such a loser for never having fucked the way he talks like he does!

im not lying, he would be in the room over playing games all fucking night with his friends, talking bout how he and you fuck all the time. you always laugh at him for it like "imagine if they found out you're a virgin." and he'd be like "why am I a virgin again?"

and ofc it's because you don't just wanna...like....take that from him, until he turns into an absolute menace of a man, trying to touch you, trying to be the whore he wants to be. i'm talking head under your skirt on the couch type shit. fr he gets hella experience with foreplay before you finally give in and let him stick it in. only after he promised you that "losing my virginity isn't that big of a deal, just let me fuck you!"

he was a lil eager, rhythm wasn't that great either, but he was truly trying his best and you guess you should probably fake an orgasm so he can actually boast to his friends about it.

except you don't fake it, and you're shocked that he just...kept going after getting off, staying hard and literally railing you until you had no choice but to come :/

[peachyfnaf]

If you could say something to all TSAMS characters, what would you say?

WHOOH boy, that's a fuckin' question and a half, ain't it? i'm prolly gonna piss some people off with this, let's see... i kidnapped most of these characters from polaris' list lol

So I don't go off on tangents for each of em, i'm gonna try to limit myself to 1-3 sentences

Sun: You've been through a lot, haven't you? Find something to do in life, something that you love because you want to, not something that you love out of obligation or programming. You're smarter and stronger than you think, stop being held back by the past.

Old Moon: You have not changed as much as you think you have- you still have some very toxic and abusive behaviors. You are not irredeemable, but you are deeply flawed. Take time, work on yourself, and understand that while making up for your past might be impossible; it's not impossible for you to carve out a future where you and those you love are happy.

New Moon/Nexus: Oh, you poor thing, what happened to you? You fucked up, but you didn't deserve the hand you were given in life, no one in your position would. Please, let yourself feel again- the pain of losing it all- only then will you be able to come back out the other side ready to love again.

Earth: As you've grown and experienced life, you've become very immature. This isn't directly a bad thing, but it contrasts with what you try to be, and makes you an unreliable person to go to with mental health struggles. Don't take life so personally, and push a little bit harder, there's no need to be so soft on people who reject help who clearly need it.

Lunar: I am BEGGING you to show some vulnerability. I know it's genuinely so fucking hard after all you've been through, but if you keep acting like you're okay after every loss then eventually you'll become a shell of a man. ...And also, respectfully, humble yourself- you are incredible, but you are not the main character.

Solar: Take a break. Please, for the sake of yourself and everyone you care about, take a break. You can't save anyone if you yourself are dying- and the people you are trying to reach won't extend their hand to a dying man. Take a break.

Eclipse (V4 Specifically): ...What can I even say to you other than that I am so incredibly proud of you. And that I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything you went through, being compared to someone you're not. I wish people would leave you alone, as you so desperately want to be, you more than deserve that peace.

Bloodmoon: You're a lot more put together than people give you credit for. I'm sorry you were made the way you were, with the inability to live life without being consumed by your urges. You were born a monster, and no one gave you the proper chance to become anything but one.

Ruin: I'm sorry to say this, I really am, but even though the life you lived was horrid and tragic, that gives you no right to end billions of innocent lives in your quest for justice and revenge. You have my sympathies for the trauma you experienced, but my sympathies end there. Everything you experience after the massacre you pulled is your victims coming to bite you in the ass.

Jack: I love you, so much- I love you for trying as hard as you do. Remember, it's okay to say no. You are still growing and have a lot of it to do, be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.

Dazzle: Sweet girl, the most precious thing. Never change who you are, you are literally the shining star in the darkness that is this world. Never forget how much you are loved, for it is more than you could ever know.

The Creator: No matter how many machines you build, what scientific discoveries you make, how much progress you offer to humanity, you will always be alone. No one will ever love you, and it's all your fault. Remember that when you die alone, old man.

Monty: Your violence is not funny, at least not at the severity of which you do it. You lying to your girlfriend is not funny. Do better or fuck off.

Foxy: You try so hard, and I appreciate it, but learn that there are some things that you can not fix, and some places where you shouldn't stick your nose in. It's okay to be "a rubber duck", it's okay to be normal. Stop trying to be something you're not and embrace what you can.

F.C: I love you so much kid. You're a bit wild and off your rocker, but you've also shown so much unexpected maturity. Stop growing up so fast, yeah?

Puppet: I can appreciate all that you try to do, but please, understand that you acknowledging that you make mistakes does not nullify them. You have been hypocritical time and time again, and you need to learn and grow from those experiences, not just brush them off. You are capable of great things- just learn to do them.

AND THATS EVERYONE. YIPPEE. im gonna go eat shrimp now lol

[wooyoungmybelovedhusband]

Yandere! Yunho Analysis (3/8)

Disclaimer : In no way am I supporting Yandere behavior or toxic relationships. This is supposed to be just a fic and everyone must read it as a fic.

Warnings : Mentions of Toxic relationships, stalking, murder, sexual punishments, other yandere behavior.

Basic Information

Name : Jeong Yunho

Date of Birth : March 23rd, 1999

Aggression level : 75%

Obsession level : 80-85%

Mental Instability : 75-80%

Overall threat : Average to High

Behavioral Analysis

He is a type of Yandere to have extreme emotional attachment with you. Would become suicidal if you say anything about leaving him. Causing him to also hurt you very much in the process. Will put the blame on you and act like the one who is the victim to get you to show him affection. Treats you like a royalty, giving you everything you want and surely will act like you're ungrateful if you try to escape and will humiliate you in front of everyone.

You were a stripper in one of the most famous bars which was owned by a rich CEO. You had never seen your boss, in fact you didn't even know his name.

You could say you were the best and most experienced stripper in the bar. Many men were ready to pay you millions just to get a free show from you. But you never accepted it, because all the rich men just spend money to get their dick wet and you weren't gonna help them with that.

It was all fine until your life turned upside down when your boss, for the first time in 8 years walked into the bar and asked for a private show from the best stripper. Obviously your manager, not wanting to disappoint him, begged on her knees for you to give him a private show.

You didn't want to reject him because technically he is the reason why you're having an average life. So you put on your best lingerie, and got your make up done.

As soon as you walked in, Yunho was rock hard. He was never into going to strip clubs but owned one just because his friends are horny little shits and always wanted free shows. But when he saw you, he was head over fucking heels for you.

You did your best performance, ending with you sexily leaning on the pole as you gave him your sultry eyes which you were famous for. You would be lying if you said that the man was not good looking and by the way his bulge was so obvious, you could see he was very big down there. Which made you slightly aroused.

It was all good until he said, "From now on, you're not giving anyone any show. And everyday I expect you to come to my mansion to give me my private show. Don't worry because your payment will be increased." "EXCUSE ME-"

Before you could procrastinate, he walked out of the room and made his way to the washroom (to relieve his rock hard cock obviously).

And that's how your life changed. The first day went normal until the second day, he started getting a little too close with you making you a bit uncomfortable. But you didn't pay attention to it anyway.

Until after a whole week, Yunho couldn't resist you anymore, as soon as you were done with your show, he bent you over his couch and fucked you relentlessly.

You obviously just thought about it as a hookup and loved every second of it, until your hookups turned into an everyday thing as you always found yourself on his bed at the end of the night.

You always treated him like a hookup partner, but Yunho obviously started developing immense feelings for you. Which was obvious by the things he told during sex to you.

So you decided to put an end to it one day. Similarly like any other, you found yourself pressed against his bedroom door, as he was undressing you. But you put a hand against his chest and looked at him, "We should stop. This is not gonna work anymore." You said it too coldly.

Yunho knitted his eyebrows, "What do you mean it's not gonna work? You love this as much as I love this ." "But Yunho, this is not supposed to be serious and should not involve any feelings."

And that's when my love, you unleashed a beast in him. He showed you exactly where and who you belong to. And that's when you knew it, you fucked up and you had no way to escape.

Next morning though, you woke up to leave until Yunho pulled you back making you fall on him. Then he slowly placed his mouth next to your ear, "You're not gonna leave me Y/n. You're only mine from now on. Only Fucking Mine."

Damn you were fucked. You never saw the outside world from that day and never saw anyone other than Yunho. Correction. Your Master.

Yunho treated you like his queen, like his entire world. You became his entire world. But you were mentally drained. And made a decision to run away when he is out for a business trip. Which was in two days.

But when he found out though, he emotionally black mailed you, he also started getting too aggressive with you once you refused to fall for his trick. And you couldn't help but accept defeat.

But you definitely didn't back out after that, you started becoming more misbehaving towards him which in return made him become more aggressive.

But because of how mentally drained you were, you slowly started losing yourself and fell for his tricks real bad. You started falling for him, and Yunho got you exactly where he wanted you to be.

You started becoming more obedient with him, and stopped misbehaving with him scared that he will get hurt by your actions. You just didn't want him to suffer so you started going according to his rules and soon you were very happy in your relationship.

You loved him as much as he loved you, and you vowed that you were gonna be with him forever and never leave him because you loved him.

But were you really in love with him? Or did he really hypnotize you into his illusion?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damn that was long, anyway I LOVED WRITING THIS. I literally imagined Fireworks Yunho while writing this damn. The other members will be posted soon guys.

-Jeong Aera

© wooyoungmybelovedhusband [jeongaera]

[ornii]

Numbers Don’t Lie.

Jane/ Eleven X Male Brother Reader.

Summary: You express the want to see your presumed dead sister. Being another one of Brenners experiments, you were luckily able to escape years before it, growing up in Ohio, when you turned 18 you headed to Indiana, to find her.

December 23rd, 1984

It's been a few days or perhaps a week or two since the Snow Ball Dance and it's festivities, while it was a different experience for the kids, you felt the same in Indian High School in Ohio. It all felt so, nostalgic, but the addition of all the horrific and mostly insane things made a twist on it. But, out of all the horrific and Almost unbelievable things that occur in this town, there was one thing that made it worth it all.

Eleven.

After helping Dustin and his Prolific father figure, Steve, find his "Pet." It lead you on a journey to finding about the Upside Down, Demagorgons, and the truth behind Dr Brenners experiments, and most importantly was Eleven, still alive and very much kicking. After closing the gate for the last time you had time to get to know her just a bit more, about her journey the first time she met Dustin, Lucas, Will and Mike. Those times you were able to talk to her were heartwarming. After your spat and fight with the gate, and her Dress at the Snow Ball Dance, you ruffled her curly but small hair and finally felt somewhat at peace.

Giving you some semblance of a normal life with your little Sister, but unfortunately, not everyone was so accommodating about it. There was one person who didn't share your declaration of peace. Jim Hopper.

"Coffee, Two sugars, Spoon-full of creamer."

"Just Black for me."

"Got it chief." The waitress at the Diner walks off, leaving (Y/n) and Hopper at the table, across each other as the tension is a bit, high. The gruff and more experienced hopper glares at the younger and hauntingly mysterious (Y/n).

"So, what did you want?" (Y/n) asks, he leans back into the leather seating of the diner, calmly but smugly folding his arms, hopper looks more annoyed than most in this place.

"It's about Jane." He says, which causes (Y/n) to raise an eyebrow.

"Jane?" He says, Hopper reaches into his chest pocket and shows him a birth certificate, with the words "Jane Hopper" printed. (Y/n)'s eyes narrow to the name and he looks back up to Hopper.

"Eleven.. that's her name." (Y/n) says, but Hopper ignores that.

"Sure Pal, it's obvious that.. you know more about her, situation than I do. I don't know what those doctors did to her but it's obvious she isn't the most sociable kid." Hopper says and (Y/n)'s eyes look more sullen.

"Yeah. The, Test.. Experiments, shock therapy, we didn't go outside, we didn't get to have any contact with the outside world, we never even saw sunlight. I got lucky when my mom was able to pull me out of there, who knows how I would have ended up... but why are you asking? You don't seem like the type of guy to care." He says, and Jim shrugs.

"Who knows I might surprise you.."

"I Highly doubly it, so.. what do you want?" He asks, the waitress returns witu their coffee and places it, they give her a small nod of Thanks and she walks off, (Y/n) sips his sweet coffee and Jim spills it.

"Jane needs someone to help her control her powers, so you're going to help.. In Exchange, you can see her."

(Y/n) stops drinking his coffee, and slowly places the cup down and turns his cold eyes to Jim.

" "In exchange?" This isn't some trade of goods, and regardless I am going to see my sister." (Y/n) clenched the cup handle a bit tightly.

"Yes, in exchange, as much as you want to act like It, you aren't all of a sudden everyone's friend. You just popped up randomly with powers."

"Just Like her, Right?" He says back.

"I can trust her."

"And why not me?"

"She's a 11 year old girl, they're not good at lying, barely legal adults on the other hand."

"Well aren't you funny? I'm not going to play by some dumb rule to see my sister. You aren't going to stop me."

"This 41 Magnum says otherwise." He replies, (Y/n) could probably assume the handgun is under the table in his holster.

"You really want to try this Jim?" (Y/n) and Jim stare at each other. There was silence between them but the tension was so heavy, an intensity fills the diner, as their aggression whispers were promises of destruction.

"I've lost most of my family, I won't lose her too." He says, Jim sees the desperation and Sorrow In his eyes when he spoke, Hopper relents just for a moment and sighs.

"God Dammit... okay, it's true I don't trust you, but Jane.. she wants you to come over for Christmas."

"Christmas? Huh.." (Y/n) says, and Jim nods.

"Yeah, told me she wants it with her Family, with her "Papa and Brother.", and, if that's what the kid wants.." Jim says, and trails on. (Y/n) felt his heart skip a beat, a depressing warmness fills his heart and he nods. Holding back a few tears Jim can see him look down and sniffle.

"...I'd like that." He says. Jim's attitude softens, and stands up.

"Yeah... come over, I'm sure she'd like to see you." He says, and (Y/n) nods once more, wiping a single tear.

December 24th.

The Cabin was renovated to fit the lifestyle of a Preteen girl with powers and a rugged Old cop. A medium sized Christmas tree was planted on a big pot and (Y/n) and Eleven are setting it up.

"Okay, now, place the star on the top."

"Okay."

Eleven, using her powers lifts the star up, and places the plastic model on the top. He gives her a small pat on the back.

"There you go." (Y/n) gives her a smile, and Jane couldn't help but crack a smile. The two look at the fully decorated Tree adorned with Christmas foil and ornaments.

"Well, I guess that's that, you want some Cocoa?"

"Cocoa?" Jane asks, obviously confused by the term. (Y/n) raises an eyebrow.

"Cocoa? You've never heard of it? Jim's never given you any?" (Y/n) asks and Jane just shakes her head confused. He scoffs and walks to grabs his keys.

"Cmon." He says, Jane looks hesitant and fiddles with her fingers.

"We're not supposed to go outside." She says, and he stops.

"Jane, you've been cooped up in this place, Jim's out on some investigation, and who knows when he's coming back and I'm not leaving you here alone, Cmon.. I promise you'll have fun." He says, A bit convinced, Jane follows and they head to his car and out of the woods and into the city, he keeps Jane close as he shows her the snow, the cool winds and the festivities of Christmas. After shopping for the food for Christmas, and getting Jane a Santa hat, they return as she has a glow about her. Jim is still away, but that doesn't stop them or (Y/n), boiling milk in a pot on a stove he shows Jane the brown powder.

"Now. This is Cocoa." He says and she looks at it, obviously a bit confused.

"It's.. Dirt."

"It's Not Dirt."

"It looks like dirt."

"I know what it looks like—"

"I bet it tastes like dirt."

"No it's..anyway.. it's made from Cocoa beans, they grind them down and refine them into a powder. And you mix that powder into hot milk or water, and it turns it into Cocoa." He explains, as the milk comes to a small boil, he pours it into the pot and begins to stir, Jane watches with intensity and curiosity, as he finishes the brew, he can see the intensity that Jane is watching and finds nothing but amusement. He pours a hot up into a mug for him and another for her. Sitting down at the couch he hands it to her, and she cautiously takes it with both hands.

"Now, it's hot.. be careful and just take a sip." He says, and She does as told, she takes a cautionary sip, the rich flavor and scent of warm chocolate hits her sensory and goes overload, she stops for a second, her eyes going wide.

"Good, isn't it." He says, and she begins to chug it down and his face quickly turns to concern. She finishes and a deep brown mustache is above her upper lip and hands him the cup (Y/n) tries to stiffen down his laugh, Jane looks at his quizzically.

"What?" She says, "Do you want another cup?" He asks, snickering and she nods eagerly. He refills the cup and she continues to eagerly consume the cocoa. She finishes again with the same mustache and he tries not keep his composure again. This time she looks more frustrated.

"What's so funny?" She asks and he obliged.

"Okay, let me show you." He drinks a portion of his and forms his own mustache, he points which causes Eleven to giggle at it, he smiled so genuinely at her. She drops her cup on accident and it plummets to the ground, before it can shatter on the ground, it stops mid air, and slowly floats upward via (Y/n), who then takes the handle of the mug.

"Cmon, I got a few movies we can watch." He puts in a VHS of the classic "Gremlins." And sits next to Jane, who is a bit oblivious.

"What's a, Gremlin?" She asks and he elaborates.

"They're annoying little monsters that you can't feed after midnight. Trust me I think you'll really like it." He says, halfway into the film, Jane is asleep, most l due to the literal gallon of Cocoa she consumed. Resting her head on his shoulder, she sleeps so soundly, he looks over to her resting so calmly and he smiles.

"Lightweight."

Five minutes later, he's also asleep, his head cocked back and open. The door Jingles and opens to a grumbling Jim.

"I leave for one day and you two.." he says before seeing them sleeping so, soundly and calmly. His attitude lightens up a bit and he just puts a blanket on them, he checks his watch and raises an eyebrow, he looks at them sleeping so warmly.

"Huh, Midnight.. Merry Christmas."

[frogizz]

Jin Ling, man I pity the kid.

The Untamed Spoilers (Up to Episode 47)

*I haven't read the novel, I will update this when I do. Also, this is a rant, not some analysis, so this is heavily opinionated on what I just binge watched for the past week.*

Dead parents, raised during a time after war but during the corruption and manipulation lead by his own clan, his clan leader being human scum without him even knowing, his martial uncle being the one to have had killed his parents, bullied because of him being an orphan, raised by his maternal uncle who can't handle his emotions well either.

This kid gave me the impression of an arrogant spoiled kid who always let uncle take care of the messes he creates. But Jin Ling has impressed me and made me feel so bad for his character. He's just a teen, so of course he's going to act like a bit of a brat and be super emotional. But, him being emotional is explained and a little justified. Not just the trauma and the bullying explains and justifies it but so does the fact that he was practically raised by Jiang Cheng, the guy not well known for keeping his temper in check.

Jin Ling gets aggressive and easily on the defense because that's how he had to be his entire life. Emotionally defensive and physically defensive. He especially gets this way with Wei Wuxian, obviously because of what he's been told all his life. That Wei Wuxian is basically the root of all of his problems, he's the one that killed his parents, so he's the cause of all of his trauma right? (I have a separate rant for how I think Wei Wuxian is only half responsible for that).

But, as Jin Ling had an inkling of an idea that Mo Xuanyu was actually Wei Wuxian, he still interacted with him in a somewhat civil way, helping him and defending him, because he was never really hurt directly by him. After finding out that it really was Wei Wuxian, Jin Ling stabs him, as a way to get revenge? Feel justice?

And everything that unfolds after that, both Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng feel conflicted, they want to be mad at Wei Wuxian, they want to still believe that their anger, their grief, their feelings overall are justified, that the impression they've had of this man for years is what they really think. I mean, it's pretty hard to truly believe someone you thought of as a nasty, disgusting, manipulating, lying, malicious killer would actually be a responsible, caring, thoughtful, and very self-sacrificing individual. Of course Jiang Cheng knows all of that, but he can't just let go of the first hand experiences he's had with him all of his life.

Meanwhile, Jin Ling, he's so conflicted with how to feel because what he's been told all of his life is contrasting heavily with what he's personally experienced.

Also, the scene where Wen Ning is trying to see if Lan Sizhui is really Wen Yuan most likely made Jin Ling very cautious, aggressive, angry, and depressed because he was maybe jealous. Jealous that he can't have a nice, touching family reunion like how he did. Well, also because Wen Ning was also the direct cause of his father's death, but besides that, the scene probably felt like a huge slap in the face.

Jin Ling's family history isn't perfect, but he at least has two family members who are willing to protect him and keep him safe (I am of course including Wei Wuxian even though I know he isn't blood family or even considered Jiang Cheng's brother anymore).

I just wish him the best, I wish this kid can learn how to cope better with all of his trauma, that he can grow up to know the full truth about what had all went down.

When he broke down crying in front of everyone, all I wanted to do was jump into the screen and hug him, comfort him. This kid seriously needs a therapist.

[unwelcome-ozian]

hey so i have a question and idk if this is an ask youre ok with answering, if not its fine- but so a week or so ago my mom offhandedly made a really weird really specific joke about me being fed balloons to traffic drugs as a child, and then immediately before i even said anything, started really aggressively saying she was joking and when i joked that it was a little suspicious that she was so aggressive about clarifying it was a joke, she said (slight paraphrasing) “well i thought i should say it because otherwise you’d be like ‘oh i don’t remember my childhood, did that actually happen?,,’” and then basically called me crazy by comparing me to a really notoriously eccentric friend i have, and when i called her out on it she accused me of being the one who was calling him (and myself) crazy, then when i said she was acting weird she started getting really flustered and it was super awkward and she was over explaining in a way she only does when she’s lying or trying to cover her ass, she kept giving me reasons that i wasn’t a drug mule as a child, and then she left extremely quickly and unnaturally after the whole interaction. I don’t have any memories of this, but the whole thing left me feeling extremely uneasy in a way i usually am not. I felt like I was in danger the rest of the night and even ended up sleeping with a weapon, which to be fair is a feeling i’ve had before but it’s never been exactly like this. I really felt like i found something out that i wasn’t supposed to, and that they would kill me for it. i do have ocd and this could’ve just been that, but it was weird. it felt more real and ive been very off balance since this, feeling very unsafe everywhere i go. i have a weapon by my bed at all times now just in case, but i have no idea why i am doing this because i have no memory of having any reason to. 

im very polyfragmented (dont know why or what caused it, know i experienced some kind of severe childhood abuse but generally don’t remember anything from childhood before age 10) and i’ve been splitting much more than usual since this, idk why.

I have been badly triggered by mention of organized crime and drug rings in the past but i assumed it was just because it was a heavy topic. I also have symptoms and vague memories of csa, as well as csem/csam. some of my alters are intensely triggered by the word magazine, i dont know why.

i am having trouble getting this out, i feel like my mind is trying to stop me if that makes any sense,  i feel like im sealing. my fate by typing this. i dont think i am but its a very heavy feeling. i just want to know if this is something i should actually be concerned about, or if i am just crazy and an attention seeking liar making up false stories for pity. my parents dont seem capable of anything like this at all, and i know i at least had a regular side of my life as a child with friends and school and stuff, but for some reason I’m scared and have been scared since my mom mentioned it, and i just need to know if this anything i should be worried about, or look into, or anything. if theres a possibility i experienced something awful and don’t remember it at all. its been really bugging me and scaring me for a bit,

im sorry this is a really long confusing ask, youre free to delete it. my mind is quite jumbled. sorry

No worries about the length of the ask. I want to assure you that you can write as much as you feel comfortable with.

I agree with you, it is an odd joke that your mother made. There is a saying that behind a joke there is some truth in it. 

Ultimately you know your mother. Does she often turn things around on you when you have disagreements? From what you described it sounds like gas-lighting.

Feeling safe is so important. I understand the need/feeling/desire to sleep with a knife. Feels safe, I get it.  My question is, who are “ they”? Who would try to kill you?

Which leads me back to safety. If you are physically safe, which only you can answer, and have been then you are likely safe.  If not, what things do you feel you are able to do to work towards safety?

There are parts in your system who do remember the abuse and what occurred. With time perhaps they will share those things.

Take your time in deciding what you want to do. The choice is yours to make. There is something awful that occurred that led to you living with DID.

Take care,

Oz

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[fic: db] I think this is more of a question for Ursa! So you’ve mentioned in past posts that Peter would likely eventually start coping in unhealthy ways with hyper sexuality coming out. Ngl I’m picturing Peter going out and finding rando partners (probably lying about his age/finding skeevy type people who don’t care that he’s a teen) as a way to take back some control sexually but it not working (so correct me if that’s not what you meant!). I’m just wondering how Tony would handle this upon finding out and realizing how much it’s hurting Peter. Also wondering if he’d connect it to some of the things he said to Peter during the attack (stuff about him being a slut/whore) and wondering if Peter internalized that message and how that’s affected his self worth physically/sexually.

[[🐻ursa interlude🐻

Kinda-sorta, yeah! I don't know that Peter would go quite thaaaat risky if just for practical reasons-- he's a public figure, so even if random older men wouldn't necessarily know who Tony Stark's son was, he wouldn't want to put them at risk of legal backlash or public drama by lying about his age and he himself would be a bit too skeeved to go for people that wouldn't care-- buuut developing a sudden interest in going to the Wrong Kind Of Parties and making lots of friends-with-benefits (who are not necessarily very kind friends) to sneak off with at those parties? Definitely. Like father, like son!

(This is of course assuming that they don't, like, fake their fuckin' deaths and disguise themselves and run away to another country lmao, where some of those riskiness concerns re: age/identity wouldn't necessarily be as pronounced-- in that case, I do think Tony is still the only middle-aged man Peter would want to sleep with, but like. Experienced guys from college-age up to ~late 20's who he could lie to about being a little older or whatever just to ease the skeeze factor because it would be legal either way? That would probably actually be his ideal.)

Tony would be upset about it from the perspective that it's obviously not something that's good for Peter-- obviously he is Mr. Sex Positive but this would clearly not be a positive thing. He 100% would realize that it was coming from a place of trauma and yeah, would consider that it might have something to do with what SIM said to Peter during the act. He would try to talk to Peter about it and say all the right things about how sex itself isn't bad but you need to do it in a way that doesn't actually hurt you and blahblah and probably try to bring back up the idea of therapy but it would be a painful conversation for both of them.

(And this is assuming that the way Tony got introduced to this particular trauma symptom of Peter's wasn't by Peter climbing into his lap and giving a repeat of the "I just want to remember something better" speech but like, without the intention to drug Tony at the end this time, lmaooo. That conversation would go different and exactly how different would depend on just how blown up their lives were and how certain Tony was that he could fix it in that particular version of what-happens-next. I of course am partial to the "things are extremely blown up and Tony can't bear to deny Peter anything after what he put him through" version, but there are definitely healthier alternatives too!!)]]

[ssreeder]

i dont feel like discording right now so your getting this here instead.

what the fuck was that

i mean it was amazing in the sense that your an incredible writer and you captured all the traumatic shit perfectly and whatnot but still whatthefuck

you are just trying to completely trying to isolate sokka arent you?

Like its zukos turn to get some type of emotional support (even if it is by iroh 🙄😒) but atleast its there. But Sokka is just pushing everyone away.

i mean i dont blame him for lying, i probably would to in this situation.

and i dont think either of them are in the wrong this chapter, like i think they both have every right to be as angry as they were in this chapter (esp sokka bc katara is acting a tad bit shady)

surprisingly i dont want to strangle iroh this chapter. so that was a weird expierience (actually semi enjoying reading him)

Its like your trying to murder us all but like,, in a very artistic and lovely way.

because liab is horrific (affectionate) and stuff but its also really good and i love it.

i think you should let sokka go batshit and actually attack someone (preferebly iroh) but just my thoughts .

i still dont forgive you for the whole shen situation. i think about that atleast once a day. ive never had a fanfiction haunt me and i didnt even like shen that much but did you care? No you ripped my heart out. (idk what im saying here)

on a different note

you always do such a good job at capturing trauma and the effects of it. also the longevity of it. like as much as i hate reading sokkas slow descent into madness its also very nice and i love it. and as much as i hate seeing zuko tortured over and over and over and over again (leave him alone jfc) its war and its accurate for a prince that got turned over into the wrong hands (of course, who at this point is the right hands for him at this point since sokkas a litttle bit insane and ozais obiously a douche bad and irohs a twit). (i feel like your really trying to push the whole 'iroh is the best thing for zuko rn' thing and while i very reluctently agree, i still dont like iroh. he'll never get my approval).

I got off track.

anywho

even though its taking so long for both of them to actually be maybe sane, i think the little bit (we might) get by end of liab will be worth it because its taking so long??? idk.

i want to say i trust you with that but i dont

is it going to be perfectly executed? Yes. Definitely.

is it going to be happy? Who knows.

i think thats all for now

if your having trouble following my train of thought so am i but its your fault so.

the last portion was intended to be nice idk if it came across that way.

I’m not trying to isolate Sokka! He is doing a damn good job of that without any effort from me.

Katara & Sokka we’re just doing what siblings do, fight. But one is exhausted and emotionally drained and the other is in fight mode and ready to cut anyone down (even if it’s accidentally his little sister)

Shens death was sad, but he was laid to rest soooooo…. Positive moments??

Awwww thanks for the compliment - I’m glad you enjoy the way I capture the longevity of trauma because it’s not going away but time & support will help them heal slowly. Although after what they experienced they will never be “back to normal”

There will be a happy ending for those of the characters that survive, but there will always be lasting trauma. It doesn’t just ‘go away’ unfortunately.

Your ask was really sweet I’m surprised!! I feel warm & fuzzy MAXXXX!!!! you’re amazing. & I’ll make sure to stuff liab full of iroh content JUST. FOR.YOU. <3 (& Zuko cause he needs his uncle right now)

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

No Simple Peace-Talks.

You alright Sora? You don’t look particularly chipper...

Not really...I’m just hoping the both of them are willing to hear me out. We kinda...had a fight before I came down to grab you.

Oh...What was it about?

Me removing me restraints. Kaede really wanted me to do it but...it just wasn’t that easy.

I get it...But hey, you managed to do it in the end, and nothing bad happened, right?

I guess...

Honestly Sora, I don’t think removing your shackles makes you violent. It just makes you let go your inhibitions. I doubt it makes you any more violent than a human in that case.

What? So it’s normal for humans to act violently out of rage and murder people?

Uuuh...Yes! That’s actually totally normal! It’s not good of course, but it’s not out of the ordinary.

Maybe it’s because you’ve never experienced it before that it seems foreign to you.

Well...I at least understand how the VOID’s feel now...

Monodam: AAAH!

Huh!?

What was that?

*Sora hears a voice down the end of the hallway. Or more accurately, a scream.

That was...Greenie!?

???: No! I’m not going to let this go!

Kaede: Hey! Back off!

That doesn’t sound good.

Sounds like there’s a fight going on...!? I-I’ve gotta go help!

*Sora closes the hatch of the Exisal and runs down the hallway in the direction of the scuffle. She bursts into what looks like a cafeteria room, raring to go!

Kaede! Greenie! I’m here to kick some-!

...!?

...!?

...!?

...What the hell am I looking at here?

*Sora stops in her tracks, as instead of seeing a violent scuffle, she instead sees Kaede sitting with her legs crossed in the center of the floor, with both Monodam and Monophanie sitting in a circle with her.

Sora! Hey! So uh...things happened and um...

“Things happened...” What “things?”

WELL...IT-WORKED-OUT-A-LITTLE-LIKE-THIS...

[Flashback to a few minutes earlier]

WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN, SISTER?

Don’t you “sister” me! You heard what I said! Shirogane has abandoned us because of you!

Abandoned you how?

She went back on her promise! She’s not going to take us out the lab anymore! Now she’s trying to take matters into her own hands.

I knew she was desperate, so I should have expected as much...But giving up on you lot before you’ve even had a chance to finish the job?

IS-THIS...MY-FAULT?

Of course it is, dummy! The only thing I can do now is kill you both hoping Tsumugi changes her mind!

Listen Monophanie! If what you’ve said is true, then we have no reason left to fight!

And what would you do instead, human? You’ve murdered my brothers in cold steel! You really think mercy is an option?

Yeah...you know what? I do! I mean look!

Monodam and I could not be more different. We fought on opposing sides until recently, and I’m a human while he’s a bear.

But if the last few hours are anything to go by, I’ve found out...we actually make a great team!

Violence doesn’t always have to be the answer. In fact, it’s always great when it’s not! We can put our weapons down, and resolve this peacefully.

...

...

*A few seconds pass, and the Exisal hangar opens.

Really?

Uh...Yeah.

Are you sure?

Yes...I’m sure.

Are you really, REALLY sure?

I’m saying I don’t mind.

Yes, well...I’ve got a lot I need to complain about...We could be here all night if I start.

WELL-WE-DO-HAVE-A-LOT-OF-TIME.

Yeah!

A-Alright! I’m coming down! Prepare yourself!

HOW-DID-YOU-KNOW-THAT-WOULD-WORK?

I didn’t! Just figured I’d give it a shot!

So yeah, ever since then, we’ve just been hearing her whine about all her problems. And boy, she wasn’t kidding about having a lot.

So...you WEREN’T fighting?

Monodam was starting to get a little scared, so I had to calm her down a bit. But no, we’ve just been here chatting.

As I was saying that was ANOTHER time Monotaro acted like he totally forgot! But I KNOW what he’s like when he forgets, and I KNOW he was lying!

Right...You were talking about how Monokid was so emotionally distant, and then Monosuke and Monodam just can’t be trusted for anything, yeah?

I-AM-SORRY-MONOPHANIE. I-DID-NOT-REALIZE-YOU-WERE-STRUGGLING-LIKE-THIS. I-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN-MORE-AWARE.

*sigh* It’s alright, just try to avoid it in the future. I won’t let you off easy if you betray me again.

Actually, before we move on...What’ve you been up to Sora? Have you made a decision?

Oh uh...well...

*Sora opens the hatch of the Exisal, unveiling her package.

I uh...I got something for you.

Heehee. Hello~

!!?

!!?

!!!??

Uh...Hello...?

YAMATO-KISARAGI. IT-IS-GREAT-TO-FINALLY-MEET-THE-LAB’S-CPU.

Wait, so this is our guy? The AI we were looking for?

AFFIRMATIVE. IT-APPEARS-KABUYA-SAMA-CHANGED-HER-MIND.

Sora...

Don’t take it the wrong way. I literally only did this because I want to see Yoruko again...I didn’t do this for you.

Sora already explained the situation to me. I apologize for everything I’ve done and I’m raring to g-

*CRAAAAAAAAASSHH!*

OOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

GAGH!?

!!!??

!!!??

No! I can’t let you!

*Everyone is shocked as Monophanie suddenly jumps in her Exisal and tackles Sora and Yamato. Sora quickly closes the hatch to minimize damage.

Ugh! So much for talking things out!?

MONOPHANIE, WHAT-ARE-YOU-DOING!?

I...I...

What’s going on!? I thought we agreed to a ceasefire! Why are you attacking us!?

I am sorry Kaede. I really enjoyed our time together, but I cannot have you leaving the lab with Kisaragi-san!

Why not!?

If that lab gets to the main computer and shuts down the lab...we...We Monokubs will cease to exist!

!!!??

You...You what...!?

NO. THAT-IS-NOT-TRUE! YOU-DO-NOT-KNOW-WHAT-YOU’RE-TALKING-ABOUT!

Even if it’s not true, I don’t want to risk it! I don’t want to die, Monodam!

AND-I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-LIVE-IF-IT-MEANS-BEING-TRAPPED-IN-HERE-FOREVER. I-SUPPOSE-WE-HAVE-NO-CHOICE.

*Monodam jumps in his Exisal and powers himself up.

KABUYA-SAMA! PROTECT-KISARAGI! LEAVE-MONOPHANIE-TO-MYSELF-AND-KAEDE.

You heard him Sora! Get out of here!

Sora: Right! Come on, let’s go! Yamato: Ok, you’re the pilot!

*Sora and Yamato bow out, and start to rush to safety, while Monophanie pursues them.

Hyagh!

!!?

*Kaede however, intercepts their advance, and knocks them back. Both she and Monodam stand in the way.

Monodam! I thought you just promised me you would take my side next time! Are you already breaking your promise!?

MONOPHANIE! TSUMUGI-SHIROGANE-HAS-TOLD-YOU-WHAT-YOU-KNOW-BECAUSE-SHE-WANTS-US-TO-FIGHT! DO-YOU-NOT-SEE!?

He’s right! And it doesn’t need to come to this, honest!

I’m not dealing with anything that’s going on well, and frankly, I’m really stressed out! But you know what?

I can take it all! Because I’m not dealing with it alone! I’m moving forward, but only because I’m doing it with Sora and Monodam, TOGETHER!

...!

...

So adorable! But if that’s how you see it, you can DIE TOGETHER!

HERE-SHE-COMES!

Let’s do this!

//Kaede Akamatsu and Monodam VS Monophanie//

[triforceangel13]

A Sea of Green and Red Ch. 10 (A BakuDeku Mermaid Au)

Chapter 10: A Warning

Katsuki stared up at the ceiling with a small sigh, Izuku against his side as he slept. He had woken up early again and now was plagued with his thoughts as he waited for his merman lover to wake up from his beauty sleep.

He was in deep. Too deep now. He had kissed Izuku, taking the gift from his own captain, and now had slept with him.

There was no way he was willing to give Iuzku back to him. They'd have to take him by force and even then Katsuki would fight him tooth and nail.

He had to make the plan to get out of here. He had to get him to safety and back at least home..or somewhere near water.

After what happened to himself he was nervous about letting him into the ocean with that two toned haired merman out there set on kiling him.

He knew the man was angry. Why he wasn't sure. Izuku had a lot of explaining to do about that guy and whether or not he should be on guard.

But right now he would let him sleep. Their...special time together seemed to have been from something affecting him. He had acted not really like himself and seemed help bent on making him his mate.

Another thing he would have to ask him about.

Izuku knew a lot of about himself and his own life but Katsuki didn't know a lot from Izuku. He knew he had a mother back at home that was more than likely worried sick about him and just wanted him to get home safe.

After all the things that they had been through and had experienced together Katsuki was pretty sure that he wanted to know a lot more about him.

It was whether or not Izuku would actually tell him the answers to his questions was what would make or break him.

He didn't want to fall further in love with him if he was just going to keep lying or keeping things from him that he needd to know.

Love...was that what this was?

He had never been in love before. He was a little scared and intimidated by it. He had seen what it could do to people and he didn't want to be hurt by it.

Maybe if things weren't going to go the right way he had to break it off before his own heart would be crushed more.

Izuku mumbled something in his sleep and his arms tightened around Katsuki, the sound of his name brushing against his lips.

Katsuki smiled softly and leaned down, kissing the side of his head.

He wanted this to work. The first time he had seen Izuku he had felt something he never had before. Like he was meant to meet him.

That was why he had tried to let him go to leave. Fate wasn't so nice however and Izuku had been caught.

So there they were.

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon and he sighed a bit, turning a bit to keep Izuku close to his body again.

He would need to worry about these things later in the morning. He needed more sleep before he let these thoughts take over his mind for the rest of the day.

Closing his eyes he fell asleep again, keeping his arms around Izuku and the blanket around their bare bodies.

He would protect him as long as he breathed.

*

“You have to be very careful when using stuff like this,” Katsuki said softly, helping Iuzku move around the sausage links in the pan with the cooking utensil. “Just like this.”

He stood behind him, holding his hand to show him how to work the food in the pan, the other on his hip.

Despite those thoughts plaguing his brain this morning, he couldn't help but want to be a little affectionate with the merman. And after what they had done together it seemed that Izuku was soaking in that affection.

“I'm not used to cooking my food. But then again I'm used to only eating fish,” Izuku said with a small laugh, leaning back heavily into the blonde.

It looked like the thing that had taken over Izuku the night before had stopped but the affection had turned up.

Izuku wasn't afraid to touch him, cuddle him. He wasn't even timid about kissing him anymore. He was happy.

“We can share things with one another,” he offered ot him. “Teach one another things about our worlds. I am curious about how things work under the waves.”

Izuku giggled.

“What did you want to know?” Izuku asked, rubbing Katsuki's hand and pushed the food around in the pan as the blonde held him.

“Well-” Katsuki started but then paused when he heard a knock on his door.

With a heavy sigh he let go Izuku, kissing his neck lightly which caused him to let out a small gasp and then a whine when Katsuki pulled away.

“Tease,” Izuku pouted but moved the food off of the fire and put the lid over it to put it out, remembering Katuki said never to leave it unattended and to just put it out if he wasn't there to watch it.

He hovered by the doorway of the kichen, peering out at it, a little curious but also scared of who was behind that door.

Katsuki sighed, pulling it open a bit to see Kirishima who looked winded.

“Kirishima?” he asked with a raised brow and he stumbled a bit when he pushed his way inside, shoving the door closed. “The hell is going on?”

“Close the curtains,” Kirishima stated, moving into the home to start closing the curtains. Katsuki's eyes widened.

“Hey, wait-”

“I know about him already,” Kirishima sighed heavily, stopping in front of a rather human looking Izuku dressed in Katsuki's extra clothing.

The merman rubbed his arm a bit, flushing as he looked away from the redhead. They were caught. He knew...?

“What do you know?” Katsuki asked with a scowl.

“It's a little obvious now,” Kirishima stated, shutting the last curtain and turned to his friend. “I know how you have a rather close...connection with him.”

Katsui paled at that, stepping closer towards Izuku again as if a sign to protect him. The freckled mermad grasped hold of is arm sleeve, standing behind him nervously.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Katsuki played dumb but the look on his friend's face said it and he sighed.

“Seriously?” Kirishima asked. “Look, I don't care what you do. You clearly both care about one another and when I was here last it was pretty obvious. But there's rumor going around about and the captain is on his way to check on his precious prize.”

Katsuki's eyes widened a bit, letting out a soft curse.

“We have to prepare. We have to pretend nothing happened,” Katsuki said, looking to his friend, eyes narrowing a bit. “Why did you tell me that?”

“To warn you,” Kirishima stated. “To give you time to prepare. He'll be here within the hour.”

“But why help? You could have saved your own skin and just threw me under the ship,” Katsuki stated flatly.

“You're my friend. And honestly a lot of us don't agree with what happened to him,” Kirishima said. “What's your name?”

Izuk looked at the blonde and he nodded.

“We can trust him,” Katsuki mumbled.

Izuku swallowed and inhaled slowly.

“Izuku,” He said softly, clutching Katsuki's shirt tighter. “Kachaan I con't want to leave. I don't want him to take me away.”

Katsuki turned to him a bit, resting his hands on his cheeks softly, staring down into his green eyes that were so filled with fear.

“I won't let him take you away from me,” Katsuki promised him. “As long as I have breath in my body I won't let him do it.”

Izuku smiled softly, some watery tears starting to run down his cheeks.

“Man,” Kirishima said, causing Katsuki to let go of his face and he turned to look at his friend and crew mate.

“Hm?”

“Sory just...just looking at you two, you can see this is something real,” Kirishima said, giving his friend a small smile.

Katsuki flushed at that and looked down at Izuku who gave him a shy smile.

Katsuki softened a bit and rest a kiss against his forehead. Yeah, he was right. This was something real at least to Katsuki. He just hoped that it wasn't just infatuation that Izuku clung to him in such a way. When he got him back to the ocean would he leave?

But right now he had more important things to think of than feelings like this. He had to get them prepared for the captain's arrival to see his “prize”.

“Let's get prepared,” Katsuki stated. “Kirishima, help me fill the tub again. Izuku, when it's full I need you in your tail without the shirt.”

“But-”

“Without it Izuku. He can't know what has been going on here,” Katsuki urged him. Izuku pouted a bit and Kirishima had to step in.

Katsuki may very well cave.

“We have to make it look like you have been in this tub the whole time and never onec changed or borrowed clothes,” Kirishima urged him. “This is for your and Katsuki's safety. If we can convince him then things can go back to the way things were.”

Izuku hesitated again but then nodded his head.

“I can keep look out the window too to see if he's on his way while you get the water?” Izuku suggested.

“That's not a bad idea,” Kirishima offered.

Katsuki nodded and let out a small sigh. “Yeah, if you don't mind, but try to stay out of sight of the window okay? Make sure to use the curtain to your advantage.”

“Right,” Izuku said, moving to the window and moved ther curtain facing the road to peek out the curtain to see. “Nothing yet.”

“Alright,” Katsuki said, grabbing the buckets he used. “Let's go get some water. With two of us his shouldn't take that long.”

Izuku watched quietly and the window as they went back and forth out the back door to bring fresh sea water into the tub.

Only after three trips it was filled enough for him.

With a sigh Izuku moved closer, Kirishima stepped out so he could change. He crossed his arms when he settled in and sighed.

“Only a little while and then you can change back,” Katsuki promised, kissing his forehead.

“He's coming,” Kirishima warned.

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[loveandpain312]

May 22, 2023

I first wanna talk about the cabin, and kind of the weird emotions I felt afterwards. So, obviously this friend group has been kind of a weird side group in my life. During 2020 and 2022, it really fit who I was at the time. I was young, in college, newly single again, and seeking to be free when apart from the restraints of my job. I liked being in Duluth, experiencing the type of college life I never got to have for myself. When I met Jimmy, I was able to fall into who part of me is- free, flirty and eating up boys attention. We had a weird, unspoken connection when we met. Drunk, not much talking, but safe in each others presence. It’s weird to think back to that day. Obviously after, he was a weird mystery to me, and when we broke out of the awkward��“are we a thing phase” and I allowed my uncaring, true self to show to him, our connection snapped into place. We got along well, we had a fun chemistry, I loved to flirt with him, be touchy with him, kiss him whenever we were together. But that was it. It didn’t go deeper...and I liked that. To be adored yet free at the same time. We were good friends too. And I loved the way I know he desired me. However, not before too long, Ryan came back into the picture, so my complicated more than friendship with Jimmy had to come to an end. And I was fine with it. However, I am lying to myself if I say it doesn’t hurt a little bit to see Jimmy and not have that relationship anymore. And now, this weird, complicated thing is definitely going on in between him and Sydney-there are obvious feelings there, everyone sees it, and the closer her and nick come to an end, the stronger the potential between her and jimmy grows. I know sydney feels awkward talking about it with me, and I wish I could say with complete genuine that I do not care one bit. Because that’s how I act about jimmy in general- but now I can admit, that I DID have feelings for Jimmy, but I knew he wasn’t meant for me, we’d never have a real relationship. But I recognize that the feelings I had for him, make it a little hard to see him and Sydney have a potential connection. And I think that’s okay, but I would never want to admit it to Sydney, I don’t want anything to be weird and if her and Jimmy would be happy together, I genuinely do want that for them even if it’s a little hard for me at first. I think it made me sad, to really really see that Jimmy and I’s relationship is completely dead, in the past. It’s hard for me to deal with that stuff. When I love people, even slightly, when I have a connection, leaving them behind hurts. I hold people so dearly in my heart, that when I have to completely cut ties to the connection we once had, its hard for me. And I can say, I miss Jimmy. I miss that friendship. I miss the girl I was able to be during that time, completely free. But I have to be able to make peace with the fact that it never would have been anything in between us. I am in love with Ryan. He is the only one I want, I want a future with him, I want everything that is him. He is my true one and only. And I wish I didn’t feel guilty as if my love for others in my past still taints me...and I feel that can’t be. I know it will be good and worth it when he comes home again, and then shortly we can be together. I am proud of myself for keeping my distance this weekend from Jimmy and not letting the emotions of missing the connection we once had to come out. But I can say, I miss that friendship. I see now, that I have not only outgrown that friendship, I have outgrown who I was at that time. And that’s okay, but it’s also okay that it hurts a little. I am a person that mourns all the different phases in my life. And while I am entering a new one, closing old doors, ending old chapters hurts. I never want to forget about the things I once loved and cared about. So I always carry it in my heart. I felt all these emotions and more the following day, feeling this realization. I am growing up, things are changing, and I hope I find myself, truly, in this next chapter. I hope Ryan can enable me to be truly free in this new chapter. 

Yesterday, I planted the garden at the house. This could be my last summer at home like this, so I am grateful that I put into motion planting a garden. I know it will give me more reason to go to the house, and that I am excited for. I want to spend more time there, to be with dad and just really soak up the feelings of the house. How connected I feel to my inner child and all. 

Today i went to Tartan to present about my experience in Costa Rica. It felt weird to be back, mainly felt neutral/relief to not be teaching there anymore. But it was good to use spanish in a classroom setting. 

The other thing on my mind right now-is that I feel I need to have a closure discussion with Ty. he keeps popping up, and I think he, more so than even I, deserves the closure. I want to tell him that I am sorry for how things went, and I value our connection immensely, but I suffer from so much guilt I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it. And its not him I regret, its the timing, its the way it was an act of disloyalty against the one I love. And I am sorry, but I love Ryan, and to me he is worth putting all my effort and love into.And he has to let me go and in peace and for that I am sorry. I don’t know if it will make me feel better, or more guilty. But I have a sense that it will help to close the book on it all, and I can truly, truly move on in peace. I am not sure yet if I will do it, or not.

[dystopiandramaqueen]

Alsoo odd person question you don’t have to answer: what do butt plugs/anal…feel like? Like…it sounds kinda hot in theory, but all I can think about when I really think more in-depth about it is John Mulaney’s rectal exam skit. 🙈🙈🙈 I have some digestive issues to begin with so I don’t know if it would ever really be on the table for me anyway, but I’m curious about everything. ❤️

Hey Anon,

This is a very good question.

Thought on it for a few days- because I've had very different feelings about Anal at different times in my life.

First- it's ok to never try anal, and it's ok to not want to try anal.

Some people live normal healthy lives, without ever exploring that erogenous zone. And that is ok.

Full stop, end of story. If you don't want to try it? #justsayno. It's ok to have things you don't do. They're called limits.

If you *do* want to try stimulation there? That's also normal. The anus is highly sensitive. Lots of nerve endings. Gentle pressure there feels good. That's where play usually starts.

The first time someone touched me there was one of the hottest moments of my life. I knew he was interested in that- and at the time- I wasn't really interested. It was kind of a line I didn't want to cross- but it felt SO GOOD. We were lying on our sides in his college dorm bed. Little tiny squeaky threadbare twin mattress. He had a roommate sleeping across the room. So we had to be still and quiet. I was lying in front of him, as the little spoon. He fingered me, which was our usual, along with vaginal sex. But vaginal sex would have created too much movement and noise. So he let his fingers wander- and I made space for it, and I let him know it felt amazing. My lips were right next to his- and we had a really intense tantric connection- so it was as good for him as it was for me. Just these tiny explorations- all outside- of a place I had been trained to fear and hate. A part of my body too bad and dirty to even talk about.

And there he was, touching it. Wanting that dark, hidden part of me.

I bucked back on his fingers- and I think I came just from stimulation there.

Now- in general- there are three BIG cautions I have.

Only try it with a safe partner. Someone who cares if it's good for you, and will stop if it isn't. Someone- where if you safeword or say you aren't into it, they will not act disappointed or guilt you or even SUGGEST continuing. Preferably someone who would notice signs of physical discomfort and stop proactively if you're holding your breath or gripping the sheets too tight, etc. NOT someone who "wants to fuck your ass", but someone who wants to give you anal pleasure.

LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE x inifinity. The anus does not self lubricate.

Proceed SLOWLY. The anal sphincters are muscles. They are usually closed. Like a fist. Their job is to be tight and closed. Opening those muscles- must be done gently and slowly. Some people use fingers, some people use plugs of various sizes. Too much stretch too quick feels BAD.

All of that said- your question- was "what does it feel like?"

Big picture? With an experienced, gentle partner- who is trying to give you anal pleasure?

It feels amazing. Intimate, naughty, forbidden, taboo. On the outside it feels like hunger for more. More pressure, more exploration. It's a rush. Once they're inside- it's always a balance for me. I'm worried it will hurt, and so turned on that they want that, and that I'm allowing it. Giving them something forbidden that they only dream of.

Getting fucked there? Always "just a little too full". It's like when you order good Thai or Mexican food that's DELICIOUS but just slightly too spicy- and you are aware of the discomfort, but know it isn't dangerous, and you lean INTO it. Like- I am going to feel this, AND the pleasure.

I prefer for the actual fucking part to be over quick. I like the play and preparation to be the main event.

The kinky exception?

I like when I am DEEP in subspace. Usually when I'm a bit high- and my partner is straddling my legs, immobilizing me, and kneading my ass, and he slips in and moves super super slowly, edging himself in my ass. We see how long he can go. I whisper filth, trying to provoke him into thrusting and cumming, like playing chicken. Who's gonna break first.

I whisper that I'm his fucktoy, and he can use me as long as he wants.

THAT feels really really good.

I've cum that way.

Hope that answers your question.

Keep them coming Anon, I'm in a smut writing bender, no anon question is too personal, i'll answer anything you want.

[chippedaxe]

yessss for karl?! omg yess please pleas please can you write a dom step sis! reader ruining innocent stepbro! karl!!

like she teases him and he just isn’t experienced at all and she just fucking destroys him, wanking him until the sensitive little bunny is crying and begging to stop from overstimulation

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Title: Silly Boy

Warnings: !TW: STEPCEST!, NSFW (Minors DNI), cursing, corruption ig, blackmail, degrading, teasing, humiliation, penis degrading, small penis, overstimulation

Pronouns: She/her Afab

Synopsis: The reader dominates Karl and knocks him down a peg.

Word count: 2k

Note: If this type of content offends you in any way then please just ignore it, I have tons of other content on my page that isn't stepcest content and you're able to blockout any stepcest content by blocking the 'tw sepcest' or 'stepcest cw' tag <3

- This prolly isn't what u wanted but I thought of this and wanted to write it! also this hasn't been proofread and it hasn't been edited at all!

*Btw Veruca Salt is a spoiled kid that gets everything she wants, from Charlie and the chocolate factory.

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Your eyes glared down at the younger boy, towering over him to show dominance "S-sis, what're you doing?" Karl asked "Trying to scare you, is it working?" you leaned down and kept eye contact with the stammering boy "u-um not really.." he stuttered out "then why're you stuttering over your words? You're obviously intimidated." you placed your hands on your hips.

"Well why're you trying to intimidate me? I'm just trying to read this book!" he groaned "Because someone has to knock you down a peg, you think just because you're younger that you can get everything you want? Well not if I can help it!" you were furious by the boy.

"What're you on about? What've I done to you?" Karl asked worriedly "You've been asking for a whole lot this week, veruca salt!" you threw your arms in the air and started pacing around him and his chair "What? Like what?" Karl was utterly confused "You've been asking for non-stop rides to your friends houses, and you've been leaving your laundry around for mother to do!" you cross your arms.

"You're overreacting!" Karl complained "Oh I'm not done! You've also been taking money from mom's purse!" you called him out "What- how did you know about that??" Karl immediately became tense "Oh you look so stressed dear brother, just relax- don't worry... I'm not gonna tell her-" Karl sighed in relief "Oh thank god" and got cut off by you finishing your sentence "-If you promise to be a good brother and listen to what your stepsister says!" you finished.

"WHAT? No way! I'm telling mom and dad!" He began to stand up but you pushed him back down "Oh no no no, you're gonna tell them what? That you stole the $200 that mom presumed was stolen by a thief? You gonna explain that to her after she already called authorities and had someone sent to jail?" you spat venom at him.

"You're evil!" Karl shouted "Me? Evil? I'm not the thief here" you grinned mischievously "Although I could be- if you don't wanna have to do everything I say then just give me something precious you own" you held your hand out expectantly "What am I supposed to give you? My soul?" Karl questioned "If you can bare to part with it then yes" you gave a mean smile in response to his sarcasm.

"I have literally nothing!" Karl exclaimed "You have your phone" you suggested "Dad would kill me if he found out I'd given it away!" He shouted "he'd kill you if he found out about that money too" you reminded him "I- I could give you... I'll let you date one of my friends!" Karl smiled nervously as he hoped you'd agree "What friends? You're a nerd, no one would want to be friends with you" snickered.

"S-Sapnap! He's strong, he loves animals, he has big muscles!" Karl said "The brute with dark hair? He's cute but not my type" you yawned "U-m.. Quackity?" a bead of sweat dropped down his face "He's super cool, really funny!" Karl was starting to worry as he was already running out of friends to pair you with "No.. My type is nerdy boys that I can dominate, ones that get nervous a lot and stutter over their sentences" you hinted.

"Oh- like Wilbur? I'm not really his friend but I can try something!!" Karl wasn't getting the hint "No, I was thinking more specifically towards someone like you." you finally told him "M-me? But I'm your brother!" Karl was in disbelief "Step-brother. And I don't really like you, I just think that you're pitiful and if you're gonna be selling someone's body to me in exchange to keep your secrets safe than it may as well be yours." you explained.

"But- Well- I've never done that before!" he put his hands up defensively "Well obviously, who would want to touch a greasy nerd like you?" you sighed. "Well- No, that's wrong!" he shook his head "Well I'm not gonna make you, just give me something else then and I'll be on my way" you told him. Karl looked down at his feet for a moment as he mulled over what was happening and what decision he was gonna make.

Karl lifted his head and made eye contact with you "Okay." he replied "Okay what? Okay you're gonna give me something?" you asked "No- I mean- okay I'm gonna give you my body" he mumbled quietly "Gonna need to speak up, can't hear you over the sound of our parents crying over having such a disappointing child" you ridiculed him.

"I'll give you my body, damnit!" he yelled "hey- quiet down, our parents are only just down stairs!" you made him shut up. "Whatever" he leaned back in his chair and slumped down "Karl. You need to give me your full consent, you can't just go 'yea whatever' and expect me to be fine with that!" you furrowed your eyebrows "Why?? What- do you need me to beg you for it?!" he was getting aggravated.

"Actually yes, I do" you decided to torment him a little bit "Big sis, please please please fuck this desperate loser" he put his hands together to make a praying gesture as he mocked you "That's more like it, runt." you grabbed his chin and forced him to face you "We can stop at any time, if you choose not to speak up then that'll be your fault" you made sure he was fully aware that he had a say even though he wasn't in control.

"Thanks. Now- how do we?" Karl was now confused on what you were gonna do, and he was having some type of delusion that he was gonna be the one in charge dominating you. "I think I'm just gonna have some fun by jerking you off, is that okay bunny?" you teased "W-what do you mean you're gonna jerk me off?" Karl asked nervously "I'm gonna stroke your dick, never done that before?" you bullied him.

"N-no, never even thought about it.." his face became red and flushed, you slowly slid onto his lap and straddled his leg "No? You haven't? Are you lying to your big sister? That's not very nice you know, Mom always told me that you shouldn't lie (Unless it's to your dad) " Karl glanced away from you and tried to hide his face "Aw you can tell me the truth, I'm a good listener after all!" you encouraged him "I haven't.." he persisted.

"Well then let me introduce you to the pleasure that is being jerked off, slide your pants down" you instructed "What? Do I have to.." he was clearly embarrassed "No. I guess I could just palm you through your pants" you shrugged. Karl sighed in relief and let out a small breath, tilting his head back in the chair and waiting for you to do what you wanted.

Your hand dipped between his legs, your palm rubbing his growing bulge "H-Hey that feels weird" he told you "So what? You want me to stop?" he shut his mouth, encouraging you to keep palming him. "This would feel a lot better if you let your cock free, instead your trapping it in your tight pants and strangling it.." you frowned "F-fine.." Karl blushed as he slowly pulled his pants down.

You watched in delight as he released his penis "Oh is this what you were worried about?" you stared down at it "O-Oh god-" Karl felt humiliated and went to put it away but you stopped him "It's cute.. I wouldn't expect a nerd's penis to be big anyways" you told him. Karl's little cock twitched at your words, moving slightly on its own "oh. my. god. You LIKE when I'm mean to you! That's why you never argue back! It all makes sense now.." Karl looked down to avert eye contact.

"That's perfect Karl, you love when I'm mean to you- and I love to make fun of you! Win Win!" you felt a small rush of excitement. Your hand wrapped around his cock which forced a choked out moan from him, his hands moving to cover his face "you're acting quite rude Karl. Look at your big sister when she's talking to you!" you ordered.

Karl slowly revealed his face, revealing how much pleasure he was having. "F-Feel's weird, let go!" he ushered you to let go of his penis, even though his body disagreed; his hips bucking up into your hand to help finish him off "Trust your big sister." you said as you continued to pump your hand around his cock. "Fuck! Fuck you!" Karl's whole body shuddered as he was having an orgasm, his penis twitching in your hand.

"Wow Karl, that was rude." you huffed and narrowed your eyes, your hand still lingering on his crotch "A-are you done now?" Karl panted as he was trying to catch his breath "Done? I've barely even started!" you laughed maniacally as you began to slowly stroke him again "Ah- no no no, that's too much!" Karl whined. "You want me to stop?" you asked him "Yes!" he exclaimed so you let go and pulled away "What?" Karl was confused and a bit upset "Hm? What is it?" you asked "You're just.. done?" he looked saddened.

"You told me to stop!" you explained "yeah but.. I didn't really mean it.." Karl's cheeks were dusted red "Well come back here then" you grabbed his hips and forced him back down onto his chair. Karl was already eager and bucking his hips up against you, your hand grabbed him again and started to jerk him off "Ah!- Ah-" Karl tried to keep quiet but couldn't help the escaped noises that came out.

You placed your free hand over his mouth to try and muffle his moans, his voice vibrating against your hand "You can never be quiet! Always have something to say, don't you?" you rolled your eyes at him. Karl clenched his eyes shut and tapped the chair repeatedly with his hand to let you know he was ready to cum again, you let him release his load yet again but you didn't remove your hand.

"A-Again?? I can only take so much.." Karl whimpered and whined "You're feeling this way already? But I've only just started!" You frowned "Well I guess I can give you a break now but there won't be any breaks later on when our parents go out to dinner." you stood up and got off him. "T-Thanks.." Karl huffed "For what?" you asked "Thanks for um- pleasuring me?" you scoffed and walked back to your room, ready to return at night time when you had Karl all to yourself.

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*guys lemme know if u want a part 2 bc I could certainly make one of the reader x karl at night time after their parents have left.

[crumbledcastle28]

Leo Valdez: Destined

Pairing: Leo Valdez x fem!reader

Summary: After completing a particularly difficult quest, you are surprised when the Gods actually take time out of their “busy schedules” to congratulate you and Leo. What was more surprising, however, is the attention you get from a specific Goddess of Love…

Warnings: two love sick idiots. Aphrodite being supportive. Mentions of past violence? Leo’s pretty injured in the beginning. Zeus is an ass. I also think I went a bit off canon for Mount Olympus and how the Gods act with their powers.

A/N: the support on my last Din fic has been incredible!! I am so happy people are actually enjoying my writing. The comments make my day. Thank you all so much :)

The last thing you expected after completing one of the most difficult quests you can remember, was to be instantly transported to an elevator going up to the top of the Empire State Building.

You landed with a thud, all your weapons falling out of your hands and your breath being knocked from your lungs. You landed flat on your stomach, of course, and there was a faint sound of classic elevator instrumental music behind all the ringing in your ears.

After a second or two of just lying on your stomach and trying to catch your breath, you hear a groan from beside you.

You turn your head and see Leo next to you, lying on his back, and clutching his ribcage.

“Oh my gods, Leo!” you say and use all your strength in your sore muscles to stand up.

“I’m alright. I’m good,” he says in a strained voice. He is definitely not good.

“You are not,” you say and kneel down next to him to examine his ribs. His hands are covering where he seems to be in the most pain, so you place your hands lovingly over his.

His breaths are quick and strained. He eyes are squished shut in pain and he is squirming slightly. Sweat is dripping down his forehead, along with flecks of dried blood.

Even just a month ago, you would have been a panicking crying mess at the state of Leo like this. But after being more experienced with quests and injuries, you’ve leaned to stay calm. More importantly, you’ve learned that patients only get better when they’re calm as well.

Luckily, with Leo, you knew exactly how to do that.

“Hey,” you say to him, and he manages to open his eyes.

“I’ve got you,” you whisper softly to him, and his breathing starts to slow down. His golden brown eyes meet yours and he manages a weak smile.

“I know,” he says, love and understanding shining in his eyes, and he moves his hands slowly from under yours.

At the sight of his bruised ribs that were definitely broken, your forehead creases in worry. Leo let’s out a breathy laugh at your concerned face, one he has gotten to know all too well.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s better me then you,” he says jokingly. The fact that he can still laugh in these moments never ceases to surprise you.

“What are you talking about? Your ribs are broken!” you exclaim, and he only continues giggling.

“I’m fine. I’ve got yo-“ he starts, but an intense coughing fit cuts him off. His body rocks back and forth with his coughs and it sounds painful. His rib cage has to be throbbing at this point. Even Leo can’t hide this type of pain.

“Shh..” you whisper, moving one hand to brush his sweaty hair from his forehead. His coughs start dying down slowly, and you place your hand on his cheek.

“I’ve got you, don’t I?” he says with a grin. You smile back, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb.

“Mhmm” you say, and he brings your palm to his mouth to press a light kiss there.

This love filled moment is, once again, interrupted by the elevator coming to a sudden halt. Both you and Leo jump a little when the door opens, and a booming voice fills your ears.

“Rise, demigods!” it yells, so loud the elevator vibrates slightly.

You look at Leo confused, and he gives you the same expression.

“Come forward,” the voice says once again, and you look at Leo in pity.

There was no way he could walk.

“I’m gonna need some help baby,” Leo whispers, already trying to stand on his own.

You wrap his arm around the back of your neck to keep him upright, lifting him onto his feet. You then slowly walk forward, giving him time to get used to his short steps. He smells like smoke and fire, which isn’t that unusual, But he also smells like blood and metal. You can feel his sweat covered back against your forearm and his body tense in pain from every step.

You watch his face every time he puts pressure on his legs, looking for signs of apprehension or a pleading to stop, but he just keeps going. Like always.

The room you were walking into was huge. Clouds, pillars, gold, marble, everything one would imagine when entering Mount Olympus. It smelled of orchids and honey with a touch of vanilla. It looked and felt like heaven.

Except, of course, the two bruised demigods coated in mud, slowly making their way to the throne.

The walk was slow, but once you and Leo finally got there, you took your eyes off of him to look at who was calling you forward.

Zeus, the father of the gods, was front and center with all his glory. His seat was pure gold and his body was huge. He was in his godly form for sure.

To his left was his wife, Queen Hera, and his children, Artemis and Apollo. To his right, sat Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, Ares, God of war, and Hermès. All in their godly forms, emulating wealth and power. The glow of their eyes was placed directly on you and Leo, and the both of you looked nothing less than a wreck.

So yeah, not intimidating at all.

“Do you know why I brought you here, Demigods?” Zeus asked, and you try your best to swallow down your anxiety.

“N-no, sir” you say, looking down at your feet, trying your best to be respectful.

Did Zeus deserve respect? No, not at all. But in this moment he was surrounded by not only his family, but some of the most powerful beings ever created who were most definitely on his side. The time for activism and frustration was not now.

“I brought you here because of your work on my quest,” he says, and you look at Leo in confusion. He could barely lift his head.

“Your quest?” Leo wheezes, and Zeus nods.

“Yes. I sent this quest to Chiron for you and Y/N specifically. I wanted the best for the job, and it looks like I chose right,” he says, and stands up from his chair.

He walks down the throne stairs slowly, becoming smaller and smaller on every step. By the time he makes it to your eye level, he is a “normal” sized man. Normal, meaning still very much above average height.

“You have done wonderfully,” he says, looking into your eyes. You smile a little before looking down, still greatly intimidated by the man. You couldn’t shake the feeling that, even though he was in his “human” form, he was still looking down on you.

He turns his head to look at Leo, still breathing hard and barely able to stand in your arms, and grips his shoulder lightly.

“As did you, my boy,” he says, and Leo doesn’t even crack a smile. Leo just stares at Zeus, holding his ribs with his free hand. You hadn’t seen him in this much pain in a while.

“All in a days work,” he says, before his knees completely give out and he collapses.

He takes you down with him, since you were supporting most of his weight anyway, and you both land on your knees.

You gasp in surprise, before guiding him down onto his back so you can rest his head in your lap.

“Shh it’s okay. It’s almost over,” you whisper to Leo, massaging his sweaty scalp.

Zeus watches this happen, before calling for his son.

“Apollo! Get this boy healed!” he shouts, and Apollo is kneeling next to you in seconds.

“I’ve got him. Just let me take him,” he says, and you shake your head.

“No. No no please let me stay,” you say to him, before you feel a squeeze on your forearm.

“It’s alright Y/N” Leo says to you, still having specks of love and admiration for you in his eyes, behind all the pain.

“I promise I will take care of him. Just not here,” Apollo says, and you look to Leo one more time.

“Are you sure?” you ask, and Leo nods.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he says, before another coughing fit rakes through his body. You take a deep breath, kiss him on the cheek, before nodding to Apollo.

Apollo lifts up the still coughing Leo in his arms and disappears into thin air.

You didn’t feel the tears on your cheeks until Leo left you.

“Well, that was unexpected,” you hear from behind you, and you turn around to find the face of Aphrodite. Goddess of Love. Some would say she is the most beautiful woman who has ever existed.

Her radiant skin, flowing hair, and slightly husky voice made you pretty prone to agree with that statement.

“H-hi. Hello. I’m y/n,” you say, reaching out your hand to shake hers. There are no books on how to interact with gods. Let alone one of the oldest and most powerful. Your gut told you to act normal, but your beating heart and anxious brain thought otherwise.

“Aphrodite,” she says, shaking your hand. She looked you in the eyes as she shook your hand. Her hands were soft. The perfect feeling of love.

“Thank you for your work on this quest. It may seem like we don’t care, and we don’t do a really good job of showing it, but we do,” she says. You smile, hoping she meant her words, before wiping your eyes and sniffling.

“Thank you. I appreciate that,” you say with an awkward laugh. You try to keep your attention on her, but Leo has disappeared with Apollo for too long already. You don’t mean to be rude, but you continue scanning the room around her. Looking for any sign of Apollo’s glow or the laugh of your lover.

“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?” she asks, and your eyes snap back to meet hers. She looks amused, thankfully, but you still feel bad. You nod, defeated.

“I get it,” she says with a laugh. “Love is powerful. I know more than anyone,” she says, and you laugh back. It felt good.

“Very true,” you respond, and she stares at you intensely all of a sudden. She looks deeply into your eyes, like she’s looking into your soul. Like she can see every crack and secret inside of you. You keep her stare for a few seconds, trying to understand what she’s doing, before your curiosity got the better of you.

“Hello? You okay?” you ask her. She continues staring for a second more, before her eyes fluttered back to normal. She clutches her chest with her hand and gasps a bit, like she just returned back into her body.

“Yes. Yes I’m alright,” she says, and looks into your eyes once more. “Just looking.”

She says this with a smile, a huge smile. One so big her eyes close slightly and her cheeks turn rosey.

“Oh,” you say. “Hopefully at good things,” you say with an awkward laugh yet again.

“Better than even I could imagine,” she says, grabbing a glass of champagne a waitor handed to her off his tray.

Where this waiter came from, you have no idea. To be honest, you didn’t care. What you did care about, however, was what in Zeus’ name Aphrodite just saw in your head.

“What do you mean?” you ask, and she sips her drink.

“You and Leo, of course,” she says.

You and Leo.

Of course she was looking at that. Your heart was only Leo and had only ever been Leo. What else would the Goddess of Love see inside your heart? Inside your future. You wanted to spend your lifetime and beyond with him. He knew that. Why would she not?

“Well what…what did you see?” you ask her.

You couldn’t help your heart racing in anticipation for her answer. You knew Leo wouldn’t leave you. You knew he wanted to be with you just as much as you wanted to be with him, if not more. But to hear from the Goddess of Love if you were destined for each other? That’s a temptation even the holiest of saints would take.

“Nothing you don’t already know,” she says with a wink, taking another sip of her drink.

How does one react to that? How does one react to the fact that the actual Goddess of Love told you that you and the man you love most were meant to be together? Cry? Scream? Dance?

You stare, flabbergasted, mouth open, before she laughs slightly.

“Yes, my dear. You two are destined. Congratulations. Forever won’t seem like enough time,” she says. She chugs her champagne, wipes her mouth, and then walks back to where the Gods were having a discussion in a circle.

A tear escapes your eye, but not from sadness or grief this time. This time, it’s happiness.

You try to take a moment to process this information, really soak in the fact that Leo is your future, but it’s not as shocking as you expected. You knew he was your destiny from the moment you met him. Aphrodite just added the cherry on top of your cake.

You laugh a little, in complete euphoria, before you hear the sound of running come behind you.

Before you can react, strong arms are wrapped around your waist and you are twirled around in a circle.

Speak of the devil.

“Told you I’d be fine,” Leo says into your ear. You laugh, hard and thoroughly, before he sets you back down onto the floor.

You turn around to face him, and your heart warms at his clean face and clothes. No cuts or bruises in sight.

You place your hands on his chest, just looking at him. Scanning all his features you had grown so accustomed to. His dimples, his curls, his golden eyes. Nothing you had ever seen could compare.

“You’re ok too, right? Cause I can call Apollo back here. He fixed me up pretty quick and I could barely walk so I’m sure he could-” Leo says, before your lips press to his.

He’s initially a bit shocked, since he was in the middle of a sentence, but his eyes flutter shut nonetheless and he holds your face in his hands. He can feel all the unspoken words you are putting into the kiss.

I love you. I’m glad you’re ok. I’m fine. We’re fine. I love you.

The Gods praising him and congratulating him was nothing compared to this feeling.

You finally pull away, look into his eyes for a second, and then press your nose to his neck. He pulls you in for a hug, encompassing his arms around you, and you do the same.

After a few seconds of the embrace, Leo broke the silence.

“I saw you chatting with Aphrodite,” he says, and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

You giggle, nodding into his neck.

“How did that go? Learn anything?” he asks. He says it in a joking tone, but there was seriousness in there as well.

Leo was no stranger to how Aphrodite crushed relationships like a grape. Even the slightest hint at a breakup from her sent couples spiraling down the drain.

He hoped and prayed the kiss you gave him proved his anxious thoughts wrong.

“Nothing I didn’t already know,” you mumble into his neck before pressing a firm kiss to his pulse point.

You feel Leo relax around you. So much so he almost goes limp.

He understands.

You pull away, seeing the happy tears of relief dribble down his cheek, and you wipe them away.

“I love you,” he says with his voice cracking.

“I love you too,” you say, kissing him once more. He smiles into the kiss, as do you.

Destiny had never felt so good.

Tag list:

@leahkenobi @acciocriativity

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.