#worst still they probably thought SHE was fine cuz you know. she went to law school and all. must be fine.

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

En Tennyson Anything

Pairing: Pre-Established; Ben Tennyson x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.5k words

Summary: Ever wonder how Ben Tennyson’s kid got it’s name?

A/N: Did anyone ask for it? No. Should this have remained in my head? Yes. Should I have not wasted my time when I’m supposed to be studying for my mock chemistry Final? Probably. Did I do it anyway? Absolutely. Is anyone’s opinion going to change my mind? Absolutely NOT.

“No! Forget about it! I refuse to name our child En Anything!” You said firmly, walking away from your husband to the living room. Just like you knew he would but wished he wouldn’t, he followed you, all while whining pitifully.

“Babe, please! Ren or Jen Tennyson? How adorable is that?”

“Look, you already named our dog Sphen Tennyson, that’s all you get!”

“Are you comparing our child to a dog right now?”

You snorted and rolled your eyes, pointing to the TV remote. It was second nature for him to grab the remote for you and you proceeded to ignore him in favour of your favourite series.

“Babe, come on, Kevin got to name his son Devlin!”

“That’s only cuz Gwen bet that it was going to be a girl! I on the other hand am refusing to name our child, boy or girl, En Tennyson!”

“It’s a family tradition babe!”

“No way! That name brings enough trouble as it is!”

“And yet you took it!”

“Because if I hadn’t your mother would’ve killed me. But I asked her and she said it was totally my decision to name our child whatever. And I choose anything other than En Anything.”

He threw himself on the couch with a huff, leaning against your belly and placing a hand on it, “Your mom is mean.”

You flicked his ear, “Don’t say that to our child!”

He chuckled, pressing a few kisses to your bump, “You want to be named Ren or Jen, right? Kick if you agree.”

You waited a couple of seconds in silence and when you felt nothing you couldn’t help but laugh at the betrayed look on Ben’s face. Usually whenever Ben talked to the baby, it was all too happy to kick around in response.

But it seemed like even the baby hated the name.

“Traitor.”

***

“I really wish I didn’t have to go.” Ben murmured, pulling you into his arms. You sighed, relishing in his warmth and leaning against his frame. A hand came to cradle your head as he tilted your face towards his and captured your lips in a kiss.

“It’s okay, the universe needs you.”

“Yeah, but you need me more than them.” He mumbled, kissing you again and you chuckled, “I’m sure I can survive a few days.”

“But you’re near your due date.”

You knew he was anxious to leave you alone so close to your due date. The grip he had on your hands was an indication to just how hard this was for him. He was worried about leaving the two of you home alone.

“It’s going to be okay, love. Besides, it’s not like I’m alone, I have your parents and Grandpa Max to look after me.”

“And my brother promised to check in on her a couple of times too.” Gwen spoke up from behind you and you nodded.

“Call me when you’re done.” You said, wrapping your arms around his neck. He peppered kisses along your shoulder as a goodbye.

“Call me if anything happens, okay?” He asked and you nodded, smiling when he bent down to say goodbye to your child.

“Don’t trouble your mom too much, okay? And don’t be born until I get back. Okay?” He asked and just like you knew it would, the baby kicked hearing Ben’s voice and the two of you laughed.

“We’ll be just fine.” You reassured, kissing him one final time before sending him off with a smile, “Be safe, I love you.”

***

It wasn’t long after Ben left when it started to snow heavily. The roads were quickly covered with sleet and snow decorated the window. So, you curled up with a warm hot chocolate, bundled up in Ben’s jacket by the window and had the radio playing.

Retro, but it was just what you needed to stop worrying about Ben.

You were nearly done with your cup when you heard the doorbell ring and wondered if you absolutely had to get up. Your feet were already kind of sore and you didn’t feel like moving. The doorbell rang again and you groaned, shuffling off the bed and grumbled all the way to the doorway.

When you opened it, Gwen’s brother was standing there with a small smile and a box of donuts.

“Hey, I got you those donuts you like.”

You have him a smile, inviting him inside, “Thank you, Ken. You really didn’t have to.”

“I promised Gwen and Ben that I would look after you.”

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck here,” You said, looking out the window and noticing how the police where shutting them down for everyone’s safety, “The roads are closed.”

He looked at the scene over your shoulder and released a breath, “I’m kind of relieved. I just parallel parked the car between 2 giant vans and I really didn’t want to have to bring it out of there.”

You giggled, “Lucky you then.”

The two of you didn’t waste any time, opening the box of donuts and digging in.

“So, any names for the newest Tennyson?” Ken asked, finishing his Jelly-filled one as you bit into the one with chocolate sprinkles.

“Well, Ben wants to name it either Ren or Jen but I hate the idea.”

Ken laughed, “What about you?”

“Well, I wanted to name it Max if he was boy,” You started, a hand unconsciously coming to rub your belly when you felt your baby move slightly. Almost as if he knew you were talking about it, “But Grandpa Max thinks that we shouldn’t.”

“Why not? I mean, I’d be pretty honoured if someone wanted to name their child after me.”

“Right? But Max thinks that his name would bring about bad luck. As if the last name isn’t bad luck enough.” You sighed and grabbed the last donut just as Ken was reaching for it. He raised a judgmental brow and you scoffed.

“I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?”

***

Ken stayed the rest of the night, sleeping in one of the guest rooms and when the two of you woke up, you realized that it had snowed the whole night. The roads were covered in snow that was feet deep and you watched from the top of Tennyson Tower as a team of pyronites tried to clear them away.

It seemed in vain however, because it looked like the drainage system was frozen over and it would be difficult to get all the snow out without causing a flood.

You found yourself missing your husband more than you expected. With the snow and the cold, you wanted someone to cuddle up to. Someone to hold.

The baby had definitely noticed Ben’s absence. You couldn’t really tell how but something in your soul told you that it missed its father. Just as you did.

But the baby didn’t know that Ben was off world for a mission and light years away from the two of you. The baby had no idea that kicking and being fussy wouldn’t get him here faster even though it showed you just how uncomfortable it was.

Maybe that’s why it decided to come out and check for itself.

You weren’t sure what you felt at first. It was just a little discomfort for you but the spell quickly passed without much notice.

The second contraction made sure to let you know that it was there.

You held onto Ken’s arm in surprise and he took his eyes off the screen to look at you. You were staring blankly at the screen and he shifted in his seat to grab your hand.

“Everything okay?”

“I think I just had a contraction.” You whispered, feeling slightly panicked. A lot of emotions were rushing through your head; how you didn’t want to do this without Ben, how you didn’t want to do this, how you couldn’t do this with the roads blocked, and wondering whether this was actually labour.

“What? Oh, shit, okay, just relax. Has your water broken?” Ken was surprisingly calm even though you just told him you might be having your baby. He merely patted your hand reassuringly and grabbed his phone.

“I—I don’t think so.”

“Okay then we got some time, just relax.”

You knew all this. You went to the classes. You read the books. But as soon as you felt the first contraction, your mind went blank. All you did was nod as Ken dialled in your mother-in-law’s number and told her what was going on.

“How are we gonna get to the hospital?” You whispered, feeling panic rise and Ken brought you in for a comforting hug, “Don’t worry about it, we got some time. I’ll call Grandpa Max and ask him if he can dispatch a couple of hover cars or at least get some Heatblast’s to clear the road. Everything will be just fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep, worst comes to worst, we’ll have to get a doctor up here. It’ll be okay. Just watch some TV for now.”

“How do you know so much about this? You seem oddly calm.”

Ken blushed, “I read up on it a lot when Gwen was pregnant to make sure that if I was with her when it happened then I wouldn’t be floundering.”

You gave him a smile, “That’s sweet.”

***

“Okay, just breathe. Breathe. You’re doing great!” Ken whispered, letting you grip his hands as he talked you through another contraction. After he called up Grandpa Max, it didn’t take long before they managed to bring you to the hospital. Your water broke soon after that and the contractions got more painful.

“Where’s Ben!” You cried out, clenching your teeth. Ken began wiping your tears and sweat away.

“We haven’t been able to reach him yet, he’s still in battle. He’ll get the message soon enough and come home, (Y/N), don’t worry about it.”

“I can’t have this baby without him, Ken. I can’t. Can you tell the doctors to keep it in?” You sobbed and he chuckled lightly, pecking your temple, “We can’t keep it in, honey, but Aunt Sandra and Uncle Carl are on their way. So is Grandpa Max.”

“Why is this taking so long!!” You whimpered. Ken was carefully wiping away all your tears, “I thought the miracle of birth was supposed to be beautiful! Why is it so slow and so painful!”

He laughed and you sent him a glare but he knew it was harmless, “Well that’s the human race for you.”

“What a bunch of bastards.”

***

“I’m here! I’m here!” Ben shouted, bolting through the hallways, running into multiple people until he finally made it outside your delivery room. He was running too fast and ended up crashing into his father’s arms, panting heavily.

“Can I go in?” He asked, unsure if he was allowed and hesitated even when his parents nodded. His son or daughter was being born. Now. The love of his life was giving birth in the other room. All of it felt too real. Too domestic. Too normal.

He’d been through so much till now, never getting anything in return. He’d saved planets and risked his life over and over again, always coming near death and he never asked for anything in return.

Now it finally felt like he was getting something back.

His heart honestly couldn’t handle it.

So, he hesitated, he was scared he’d get robbed of something again. That he’d once again have to give up something in his life.

Kevin placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly and he nodded before giving him a slight nudge towards the door. When Ben stepped in, he immediately rushed to your side, pressing a kiss to your sweaty forehead.

“I’m here. I’m here. I love you. I’m here.” You spared him a smile and he brought a hand up to wipe away some tears. You were breathing hard, a hand wrapped around his arm and the other was still clasped between both of Ken’s.

It was only then Ben noticed that his cousin was also in the room.

“Hey, man.”

“Sup.”

“WHY DON’T I LAY DOWN SOME TEA AND CRACKERS SO YOU CAN CATCH UP WHILE I TRY AND GIVE BIRTH!”

Even the doctor couldn’t help but laugh as your nails dug into their skin and you cried out, back hitting the bed in relief as your baby was born. An innocent cry filled the room and you couldn’t help the tears of joy that began streaming down your cheeks.

That was your baby.

“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Tennyson, it’s a boy.”

Ben let out a teary laugh, kissing you briefly and squeezing your hand reassuringly as you leaned against him, exhausted. He was finally here; his baby boy was finally here.

The doctors cleaned him up a little before handing the baby to you, initiating skin-to-skin. You felt fresh tears looking at his precious face. That was your baby.

Ben’s hand came to support your son, his other arm wrapping around your figure as he brought you into a hug. A family hug.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

***

“Do we have a name yet?” Gwen asked from beside you, looking over the newest addition to the family. Your son was comfortable, even though people kept passing him around like a hot potato. It’s what happens when there are so many people in your family.

“No, not yet.” Ben told and you were almost impressed. A part of you was completely expecting him to hijack the name and outright tell everyone that you were naming your son Ren Tennyson.

“Actually,” You spoke up, bringing everyone’s attention to you just as Sandra handed her grandson back to you. You fondly looked at your baby boy before looking up at your husband with a shy smile, “I was thinking Kenny.”

A bright smile grew on his face, “Really? I thought you said you didn’t want an En Tennyson.”

“I didn’t, but I want our baby to be named after someone special,” You spoke, turning your head to meet the gaze of Ken, who had been standing behind everyone for the time being. You sent him a meaningful look, “I couldn’t have done it without you today. Thank you, for everything.”

He blushed, “I didn’t really.”

You didn’t bother arguing with him, knowing it was just his humility that held him back from accepting your gratitude. Instead, you turned back to the baby in your arms, leaning your head against Ben’s shoulder, “Your name is Kenny Tennyson, baby.”

The room erupted into cheers and you grinned, looking up to see your family around you.

Perhaps a family name wasn’t a bad idea.

It meant your child would be named after the people you love.

Forever Taglist: @simonsbluee​

[imaginetonyandbucky]

The Buy In

Chapter 2: Taking Out the Trash

by @dracusfyre

“So who exactly are these cops hassling?” Bucky asked the next day as he met up with a man called Kenton at a bodega on 6th. “The shops? Dealers?”

“The ladies,” Kenton 'call me KT' said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. KT was stocky and short, with an aggressive undercut and stud in his lip, looking more like an emo kid than a mob enforcer. “We don’t have dealers here.”

“Really? None?" When KT nodded, Bucky asked, "How come?”

When KT eyeballed him skeptically, Bucky said, “Look, it’s my first day, alright? I’m not from around here.”

“Everyone knows the boss hates drugs,” KT said, hitting the button for the crosswalk. “Like, hates. A few years ago he tried to run all the dealers out, but they kept coming back like weeds. Too much demand to keep them out for long, you know? So the boss figures, you don’t kill weeds by cutting them down, you kill them at the roots. So he started targeting the users, not the dealers. First, he bought up the local methadone clinic, set up a rehab house nearby, brought in a bunch of fancy docs. Puts the word out that anyone who wants to dry out can stay for free and gets a sweet deal when you get your ninety-day chip.”

Bucky frowned. “I remember that. The mayor cut the ribbon on the facility, right? I thought the city set up that clinic.”

“Ha!” KT said it like that, an actual ha. “The boss let them take credit for it, sure. But it was his idea and his money. Once he got the clinic up and running, he put the word out to all the dealers, making them an offer: sell him all your goods, give him your client list, and you get a new job that pays twice what dealing does.”

“What happens if the dealer doesn’t take the offer?”

“One day they find themselves on a cargo ship to Madagascar,” KT said, matter of fact. “Or Indonesia, or Kamchatka.”  Bucky doubted that but kept it to himself; it was way more likely that the dealers got dumped in the river while Stark’s organization sold the drugs at a markup. But it was a good story. “Stoners can stay if they grow their shit locally,” KT continued, “but the party bros looking for bumps gotta get it somewhere else. But God help them if they make trouble, because the boss sure won’t.”

“Huh,” Bucky said, noncommittal. “So what are we doing today? Waiting for the cops to show their faces again?”

“Pretty much. Gonna talk to the ladies, then we’ll hang around and see if the pigs come back and let them know that their behavior is not appreciated.” A few more blocks down, KT knocked on an unassuming red door and led Bucky into a whole new world. He’d known when KT said ladies that he’d meant prostitutes and had braced himself for the worst: bare mattresses on the ground, barred windows, dull eyes and needle tracks. But what Bucky walked into looked more like the Waldorf than any brothel Bucky’d ever seen during his brief tour on Vice. Bucky tried not to stare as he took in the thick carpet and tasteful furnishings around the room, with women scattered around in groups chatting. Along one side of the room was a classy bar with mahogany wood and brass furnishings that had a few customers already despite the fact it was barely 5:30. KT approached the bartender, a petite but statuesque redhead with pinup curls wearing a corset that had, if Bucky’s eyes weren’t deceiving him, knives where the boning would be.

“Evening, Widow,” KT said, and the bartender gave him a grin as she slid a beer to the man across from her.

“Evening, gents,” she said, voice pure Georgia drawl. “So did the Iron Man himself send someone down to check on his chickadees?”

“Iron Man?” Bucky echoed in confusion. “You mean the Mechanic?”

“You must be new,” she said with amusement, and KT nodded. “He’s got lots of names, honey. He likes getting them and giving them. Bet he gave you a name, didn’t he?” she said, crossing her arms and leaning on the bar to give him an appreciative once-over. The pose made her look like she was going to spill out of her corset; didn’t do a thing for Bucky, but behind them the man with the beer walked into the back of a couch. “What does he call you?”

Ridiculously, Bucky felt his ears get hot. “Blue Eyes,” he said. “Probably like Jimmy Blue Eyes, I guess, but I don't know why. My name's not James.”

“It’s cuz of them pretty blue eyes of yours,” Widow said, and she laughed as Bucky felt the flush spread to his neck. “He must have taken a shine to you.”

“We're here about those cops you mentioned,” KT cut in, giving her cleavage a glance of appreciation but staying all business. “Stop teasing the help and give us the rundown.”

Widow gave Bucky another sultry smile and stood up straight. As she picked up a glass and rag and started polishing, the Georgia peach act fell away; her movements going from languorous to brisk. “Like I said to the boss, it was Rumlow and Rollins again,” she said, and Bucky’s eyebrows went up as even the accent disappeared. “They must think they got a pretty strong krishna to keep coming around here. They’ve got some of the new girls rattled. Came in just the other night trying to get a 'law enforcement discount,'" she said with a sneer, "and the only way we got them out of here without violence is Hawkeye got them too drunk to know if they were coming or going.” Widow tilted her head towards a man at the far end of the bar who looked like he was passed out, hat drawn down low over his eyes. “I wouldn’t have asked for backup if they weren’t cops, but.” She shrugged, and Bucky understood. Low level patsani, or even higher level enforcers, could disappear, but not a cop. “They also wanted a cut of what we pay to the Boss and wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell them it didn’t work like that.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked. "Doesn't work like what?"

Widow and KT shared a look. “He’s new,” he reminded her, and Widow smiled.

“Around here you don’t pay up, you buy in,” she said. “You’ll see.” She stepped away to take an order before Bucky could ask another question, so he turned back to KT.

“What are we going to do about the cops when they show up?” Bucky asked. Most times dirty cops got away with shaking down illegal businesses for money because it’s not like a bunch of criminals were going to rat them out to Internal Affairs. “Ask politely?”

“I have a few ideas,” KT said, sounding unconcerned. Bucky waited for him to say something else, but he apparently didn’t seem like sharing, so Bucky grunted and turned to scan the lounge.

While they’d been talking, a few more men, johns, Bucky assumed, had trickled in and were in conversation with the women, each of which were giving every indication that the man they were sitting next to was the funniest and most interesting man in the world. Guess that was one appeal of this place, Bucky thought; a man would never strike out here, and they probably spent good money to maintain the illusion that they were getting laid on their own merits. “Are all of the Boss's brothels like this?”

KT looked around like he was seeing the place for the first time. “Yeah,” he said, lifting one shoulder carelessly. “Boss invests in his people.”

Bucky supposed that made sense. Better margins in higher end prostitution. Still, it was strange to feel like he was hanging out in a hotel bar, complete with tipsy-looking couples disappearing into elevators to hook up. It was after 9 when the cops showed, still, stupidly enough, in uniform. Bucky suppressed the urge to curl his lip in disgust; these guys represented everything Bucky hated about his job, full of arrogance and spite and a thinly veiled hunger for violence. They were bullies, pure and simple, and Bucky hoped he would have a chance to punch one in the face. He could get away with it, too, if he told his superiors it was necessary to maintain his cover.

KT saw them the same time Bucky did; as they came closer to the bar, he slid off his barstool and put himself in their path.

“Who are you supposed to be?” The lead one sneered, looking down at KT, who was a good six inches shorter than the officer. “Are you supposed to be protecting these whores? You?”  Bucky came up behind him to back him up and read the officer’s badge. Rumlow. He memorized his badge number and that of the second officer, Rollins.

“Welcome back, officers,” KT said with a faint smile. “How can we help you?”

“Last time we asked nicely for our money, and we didn’t get it,” Rumlow said, coming closer so he was looming over KT. “We also asked for some trade, and didn’t get that either. We’re not going to ask nicely again.”

“Let me buy you a drink,” KT said, taking a step backward and gesturing towards the bar. “And let’s have a conversation, yeah?”

“We’re not here for no fucking conversation,” Rumlow spat. “We’re here for our money and a good lay, not necessarily in that order.”

“Fine.” KT’s friendly tone disappeared and his posture changed, going from relaxed and open to a coiled, snakelike tension, ready for violence. Bucky had seen that stance before, in his hand to hand combat training class at the academy. “We’ll cut to the chase.” Widow was watching them intently, a throwing knife already in her hand. Movement out of the corner of his eye proved that the man, Hawkeye, wasn’t as passed out as he appeared to be; Bucky could see light reflecting off the barrel of something, aimed at Rumlow. “For you to be coming in here like this, swinging your dick around, two things gotta be true: you must have protection, some fish big enough that you aren’t afraid of the Mechanic, and that big fish knows you’re here and doesn’t care. If that’s the case, then your boss and my boss are going to have problems. But if either of those things is not true, you are in a world of shit.”

At that, Rollins stole an uneasy glance at Rumlow, who was still trying to stare down KT. It was quick, but it gave the game away – and KT knew it, because suddenly he smiled and relaxed, which made Rumlow scowl harder. “Busted,” he said. “It’s not going to be hard to find out who your protection is, officers. And I don’t think they are going to be happy that you are picking fights with the Mechanic. Am I right?”

“Fuck you,” Rumlow snarled, and swung at KT. But the smaller man was ready, and KT stepped to one side of the swing, then grabbed Rumlow’s wrist and pulled at the same time that he put a hand on the back of his head and shoved, sending the man stumbling. Textbook judo move, to Bucky's eyes. As his partner got his feet under him again, Rollins went for his gun but Bucky already had his hand on it, shoving back down into its holster.

“Let’s keep it a fair fight,” Bucky said in a low voice, and Rollins listened because Bucky’s other hand had a knife slid up under the bottom edge of his bullet proof vest.

“Don’t make this any worse than it already is,” KT was saying, Rumlow’s face bright red with fury. “The Boss will let bygones be bygones if you leave now and don’t come back, but if blood gets shed...” He shook his head.

Rumlow’s face was red and Bucky could tell that he was furious at having been humiliated by someone smaller and lighter than him. Bucky was afraid that he would go for his pistol, but instead he put his hands up like he was in a boxing ring. KT smiled faintly and just made a “come here,” gesture, and that’s when Bucky knew he was trying to piss him off. And it worked; Rumlow lunged, swinging with a tight haymaker that would easily have broken KT’s jaw.

If it had connected, that is. But instead of trying to block, KT dropped to one knee, ducking under the swing, and hit Rumlow in the dick with an elbow as he scooped his leg and stood, throwing Rumlow to the ground where he curled around himself, cursing incoherently with pain.

Bucky whistled long and low, smothering a laugh. KT laid that asshole out in seconds. He released Rollins and said, “You can have your turn now, if you want.”

“That’s assault on an officer,” Rollins snarled, trying to help Rumlow to his feet. “I should haul you down to the station for that.”

“Your buddy clearly started it,” Bucky said. “It’s not like you don’t have witnesses. I’d get out of here before he does anything worse.” Bucky didn’t know if it was the fact that Rumlow still couldn’t stand up straight or the way that everyone was staring at them, but Rollins seemed to know good advice when he heard it, because they did leave, shouting threats the entire way.

“Did you get all that?” KT called out after the door slammed shut behind them, heading back to the bar where the Widow’s knife had disappeared like she’d never drawn it in the first place.

“Every second,” Hawkeye rumbled, sitting up. The barrel that Bucky had seen was a high-end camera lens, not a gun; he’d been videotaping the whole encounter. “Uploading it to YouTube now. That should get them off the streets for a while.”

“That’s how the Boss likes to settle things,” KT said with satisfaction. When he noticed Bucky looking at him with confusion, he said, “Listen here, because this is important: the Boss doesn’t like us to kill people. We don’t do this whole ‘send our guy to the hospital, we send your guy to the morgue’ thing, got it? We send them to the poorhouse. The poor bastard gets so tied up in lawsuits, repossessions, revoked passports, suspended licenses, and investigations that he wishes he were dead. Then the Boss goes after the poor bastard’s boss, and that boss’s boss…mobsters, dons, whatever you want to call them, they don’t mind dying, but they never, ever want to be broke. You start threating their bottom line and they pay attention.”

“Seriously?” Bucky said skeptically. Stark’s file said that he had plenty of blood on his hands.

“Seriously. You might get a pass if you don’t start it, but if it happens again, he cuts you loose, and believe me, it doesn’t take the cops long to track you down. They are hungry for anything they can get on the Boss.”

“You don't say,” Bucky said blandly. "So now what do we do?"

"We're going to stick around until the ladies close up shop, make sure those two don't get any bright ideas to circle back." KT pulled out his phone and started typing in it as he got back on his barstool where the ice in his drink had barely had time to melt. "Hawkeye usually makes sure the clientele behave themselves, so you can have a drink, but don't proposition any of the ladies while you're working."

"Right." What a strange goddamn way to run a criminal enterprise. After a moment, Bucky took a seat beside him and accepted a drink menu from the Widow, whose mouth was curling like she could read Bucky's thoughts. 

"You'll get used to it, Blue Eyes," she said. "I got a good feeling about you."

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 7X4 Defending Your Life

I'm making an exception today, because I've figured out QUITE a bit about my own stress response

oh right the monster Dean killed

also to recap: my period has every sign of starting(including cramps) but nothing, I've been horribly nauseous all day, I feel a hunger response when I'm DEFINITELY not hungry(stress eating and it's the only thing that makes the nausea subside) and headache(altho that could be the lack of sleep). Also emotions all over the place(Crying, happy, very on the hat etc)

and the WORST part is I can NEVER tell until I have physical reactions. I can NEVER TELL WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN I THOUGHT I WAS PERFECTLY OK OR NOT FEELING ANYTHING

ooo chase scene

gHOST CAR

ooo good segway into intro

that cut coping mechanism does NOT seem like it's healthy

mONSTER OF THE WEEK

oh COME ON HERE's THE LYING

the visuals are cool

"license to kill"

no come on sam that was a good one.

"dead and sober, dead and crappy" no Dean, please, you need to figure that out

ah yes tortured soul

FL OW ER SH O P

that was suspicious

oh

it's just because she's dead and dead at 10

oh

the CAr

"makes you wonder if the guy who was drunk ran her over" *drinks beer*

O H H H H H HSIDOFAHPAS

GHOST RIDER

at least I know they're nerds, whoever wrote this

is it manifesting their guilty conscience

aw but the dog is so fluffy

*lies down, bounces back up again* lmaooo

Dean is Tired

didn't they DEAL With a ghost car?

it's people that kept going?

DEAN IS RUNNING ON SO MUCH EMPTY AHAHAHA

A H CUZ HE DIDN'T SLEEP BECAUSE THE GIRL HE KILLED

that took me as second

"If I ate apples" DEAN

also they're really doing license plate shots above how Cool the Impala is shots now, lil thing

"you won't even believe me" ahaha

...courtroom?

fUCKING NEAL'S TAVERNNNN

we kind of specialize in crazy ahaaha

"except that's complete crap"

"everyone judges all day long"

He just..takes punishment?

ahahah N O P E GREY AREA

no this is way more watchable

SA M SOUNDS SO TIRED AHAHA

*whispers* "stay put"

he DOES look good though

ok fine just gonna tune out the flirting

they ARE both pretty

is it that guy

the creepy guy in the shadows

how much is in scotch I have no idea

ah the red, what people were clawing

THAT'S NOT HOW OSIRIS WORKS but fine ok let's go

THAT'S NOT

ok fine

"it hones in on people who feel guilty, N OW WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE TO YOU" oh boy literally both of them got it that was hilarious

this does seem like he's talking himself into a role

the salt...might not work for osiris

shit she really is pretty

AH RED SAND ok ok yeah I see it ok

a h egyptian shit

ALL YOU NOTICED WERE THE SYMBOLS LMAOOO

THAT DOOR SLIDE WAS SO FUNNY

He's cool though, I like the pagan shit

"Sam, you're not a lawyer" "yes I was pre law" "pre"

"good one" "I saw that on the good wife"

THIS IS HILARIOUS

J O

oh no

the mining itself sucks but this concept is good

took his breathing away?

It reads a bit as excusing them for everything

She backs them up at least?

I miss her

see here's the thing, it kinda reads like they're out of ideas, but like...it's a good concept

ah so the stuff at the beginning was them showing their guilt

I like how he just says "them's the breaks"

yeah like Dean is ever gonna believe he's innocent

"dog food" oh they so desperately wanna say dog shit

"they want to be judged" echoes Dean

SAM IS TALKING COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS ASS

HE'S GETTING HIM OUT OF HIS GUILT COMPLEX OH THANK GOD FINALLY

"that it just...blows"

no one, including Dean, ever questions it, so the grief stews

oh

he does actually have some way with words

Dean please tell the truth

mate I get the impulse but still

dammit

ahaha Temporary but Long Temporary

"make sure it's a sharp piece" lmaoo

man I miss Jo

ah here we go

sam: u h

JOOOO

"you deserve better" on both ends

Dean Eldest Daughter Syndrome

"hunters are never kids, I never was"

he does Internalize things

that's why we kin

90% crap

"i get rid of that what then" "you really wanna die not knowing" HOLY SHIT

HOLYSHIT OH MY GOD OH MYGOD

ah the gas stove

"he's making me do this" oH NO

"just kind of faded...maybe a little bit happier"

hell was Sam's slate? huh

"I kind of feel good, Dean" I am glad he's happy, I don't know if I agree with the message

1. SAMMM. Dean was acting off the shits, so he had to step up and exasperatedly handle everything, and piece stuff together. Like mans is actually quite smart and quite resourceful when he has to be, and it's nice seeing that. It's also fun FINALLY seeing him lighthearted again, even if I don't like how.

2. Dean's guilt complex. Man internalizes a lot of things, and while they BARELY make sense(thin veneer, easily cracked) he hides it enough so that no one asks(and he represses so he certainly doesn't), and he can continue feeling guilty. Now here's the thing. He feels guilty, Sam doesn't, the middle ground is where they should be(taking responsibility) and they like...never do it.

3. monster of the week. No but having monsters switch to grey instead of black and white, and having Dean comment on it is SO good, because he's like...that Masculine Parody/Ideal depending on who's writing him, and like he was written to be the hero. any gray was always overridden by that. But with kripke gone, they start actually doing grey, and there's nothing simple anymore. Like I like with how off the shits it got, they still kept the theme of "it's more grey now" but like kinda for real(where Dean and Osiris said the same thing). ALSO, I think it would be useful as a scale back. I know they'll not do it because EVEN BIGGER DBZ LAZER is fun, but I think having more monsters of the week by choice and not "oh god we have runtime" would be really good, because that's where this storyline SHINES! it's got a lot of characters, a lot of lore, and a lot of issues to pick through, a monster of the week is WAY more effective than a longer story, and would help the scaling back issue.

4. pontificating about the season/why it's easier to watch. Like is this season as good/vibey? probably not really, but honestly I can actually stand watching it. Like it's very cringe in places but also, it doesn't hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable as kripke stuff does. It matches the vibe of "after work/school show" perfectly for what it is.

5. the vibes/Osiris. I like the idea of osiris and going to the bars, and the courtroom and the RED! SAND!! I got that one. But I'd also like to say that Dean saying the SAME thing that osiris said was like...he's not villainized, but I think they're trying to make him slowly grow as a character. It's like sympathy/he sucks kinda/we like him for him a sa character and I think that was really neat.

also barkeep lady pretty holy hell

6. it felt a little bit like excusing tho. Like if Sam is the good one, then it felt like excusing them of the harm they cause people. I want them to change their behavior! not beat themselves up over it or think it's fine cuz he went to hell because of it!

I'm so glad Sam is happy again but N O

7. J O. the "no autonomy, he's making me do this," the being able to see through things(and no longer hungering for something that she doesn't really know) (like...she wants SOMETHING, has it crawling under her skin but doesn't know what, and that's gone when she's dead) and that whole thing where she asked Dean if he wanted to die as a persona. Oh my god.

8. Dean persona. Yeah the whole thing where he had to convince himself to be a womanizer, the "I"m 90% crap line" OH MY GODD THAT HIT. That man is also a persona. maybe a commentary on american masculinity in general, maybe not. Also, eldest daughter syndrome, he internalizes everything and everything is his responsibility("I didn't get a childhood")

I feel like you can also make an argument how trauma makes you the extreme of something(uncaring for smol sam, internalizing for Eldest Dean), and it breaks your ability to do what you need to(empathetically do your fucking job and not be pieces of shit).

I see why this show was so popular amongst mentally ill people(myself included) holy christ

[wxkryarb-blog]

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[kaiba-fangirl]

Got another story...

It actually wasn’t DSoD that got me thinking about this - as I rightfully have put this event out of mind - except on occasion, like in recently rewatching some of the series. That, and of course just anything about the first reason why I fell in love with Seto to begin with - his dedication to his little brother. [After the first few episodes] I saw in him all the things I’d always felt as a big sister. Although, my brother's only 3 years younger, almost a foot taller than me anymore, and has never been annoying in the least to me, unlike how I feel about Mokuba himself. We’ve always been so close, lived through Pokemon together, shared a single cartridge of Blue Version, got into Yu-Gi-Oh! together, and he's the one I'll probably always have duelled the most, among a myriad of other games and everything. [I keep saying 11-13, but wow it was actually] 15 years ago, Seto just made me think of all the countless little things with my little brother, that I’m pretty sure I failed at, and always thought I could be better at, cuz it's simply always been important for me to be the best big sister for him. 15 years ago, he grabbed me in KBToys, excitedly pulling me and yelling that “that game” from “that new show” was real! We each bought a starter deck on the spot. He knew I had first liked “Yugi,” so he was worried I would pick the same one as him, but thought we should have different ones to face each other. He was happy Seto was already the no-brainer choice for me. As soon as we got home, we tried to figure out how the fuck it actually worked...  15 years ago, the huge CRT TV in our living room had ended up with a loose wire somewhere. It would randomly cut out the picture sometimes, then randomly come back. And, it decided to start cutting the picture out during the first airing of Face Off, April 2002. Like, Kaiba started walking backwards – then cut to black, while we still heard the audio going. We spent the rest of the episode screaming and running back and forth between the living room TV, and the TV in our grandma's rooms, which she kept chasing us out of. We all like to think we'd act like Seto does when it comes to protecting or saving his little brother. But those are fantastical hypotheticals. My brother was never actually in any real danger, and he's always been perfectly healthy. Why even bother ever letting thoughts of life without him actually play out? Well, something happened since way back then, and at the time, none of the aforementioned things came to mind. But, now, I keep thinking back to it... Mokuba is still as annoying as ever, but anytime Seto yells for him, my stomach actually drops now. Darker 1/2 under the cut; but honestly no more drastic than Duelist Kingdom, I suppose. Just skip down to the end if you can’t handle the literary panic attack...

A couple years ago, there was a car crash right in front of my house. It's a 3-lane each way highway. Happens all the time at this spot actually, and there have been many quite horrific ones. But this time it was a 2008 Silver Ford Focus. The car was upside down 2 lanes away from us, and while the passenger side was facing us, we could see that the entire driver's seat area was gone, crushed completely in, and that tire  and entire wheel well was missing. The EMTs were looking at it from afar, just standing around. The police set up cones, then were just hanging around waiting for the “accident investigation” team to arrive. Btw, all of that, means fatality, and... That's the same car my brother drives. As I got closer, my heart – I don't even know. Skipped? Thudded? Stopped? Pounded? Probably went tunnel vision where you only hear your own breathing? – much as I tried to refuse to believe that I could ever possibly be correct in identifying car makes and models. I had to be wrong. My dad was already out there, but just observing from the parking lot next door. That should mean that he wasn't, like, contacted by anyone, right? All he said was to verify that it was a Ford Focus. I nervously forced myself to calm down, treat it as just a strange coincidence that it happened to be just like a car we owned, and tried to coolly ask where he was. (Our property alone is 2 acres, and I happened to not have a clue if he was even home or not.) He was supposed to be on his way home from tutoring at his college library by now. That is the singular thing I did not want to hear. My insides dropped again. We couldn't read the license plate - but against hoping it was NY, it was indeed NJ. My mom had already tried calling his phone, multiple times. And? No answer. Just kept ringing til it went to voicemail. We called his girlfriend; he wasn't at her house. She knew as much as we did. My dad just stood there with his arms crossed, staring at the wreck, wouldn't look at me, didn't say anything. I swear my everything fell out, over and over. I’d convince myself he had to be fine. He had to just still be driving, and like a good driver, he wasn’t on his phone while driving... That resolve never lasted longer than a few seconds each time. I felt like jello. My body felt like my blood was running cold, but somehow rushing to my head. For the first time in my life, I actually felt like I was going to puke just from that much info alone. I don't know how my legs kept me up; they were numb. I immediately called him. No answer. I sent an urgent text for him to just call one of us ASAP. I went back and forth between not being able to take my eyes off the car, and unable to look at it. I ran back to the house for my glasses. A local news chopper allowed us to see the other side on TV:  A curtain was hung in place of the driver's door, and it was flapping up in the wind. There was a black puddle running out from under it, against the light grey asphalt. Not kidding, not exaggerating. They quickly switched from it and did not show that clip again. I got my glasses and headed back out in a daze, and I paced up and down the road as far as was helpful. I still couldn't make out the license plate. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do. Whatever had happened, had already happened. I had zero concept that, at some point, we would have an answer. I was just trying to figure out what to DO at that moment, and I could not acknowledge “waiting” as being relevant. At the same time, I was too petrified to call a cop over and just ask. My head was spinning, stuck in limbo... Also unfortunately for the first time in my life, I actually entertained realistic scenarios of daily life in my house with our family, without him. Just me and my sister? Never another meal with him? Never, anything else? EVER again? Even as we grew older and had our own families, forever without him? Like, how could he just be-- gone? That couldn’t happen. Not out of nowhere like this. I didn't know his schedule, I didn't even know he'd left the house! Then, just suddenly, didn't exist? ...was his body really just a few yards from me? No.  There were 2 lanes of traffic between us and the lane the wrecked car was in. The law is that these cars passing a police set up like this, are supposed to slow down to at least 25mph, or slower, and I think give them a lane of cushion even. Nehh, this is Route 9 in NJ. Both lanes slowed down TO the speed limit. I kept pacing and calling and pacing and checking my phone. I'd be lying if I said I was not thinking about dashing to the median during a red light. I would have my answer, whichever it was, before anyone would notice or even think to stop me. And, if it was true, there would be no point in making it back past the speeding traffic safely... Or if someone simply told me that it was true, then it'd still just be a couple steps for me. No, actually, no character or story reference could ever have made it to my head in the moment; I was too much of a mess. Yes, I am saying fuck everything else in my life, fuck everyone else grieving both of us. I didn't care. I knew *I* could never deal. I don't care how that sounds.

He called back. I have no idea how much or little time actually passed, but my mom eventually walked up and said he had called. Somehow that was when my tears finally broke out, and my brain instantly felt like it was at last no longer being squeezed. Still could hardly catch my breath. He said he had left his phone charging in his car, and the tutoring session ran late, so he was only leaving just then. And he wanted to know why he had a zillion missed calls from so many different people. He thought the house had burned down or something. Nope, it was actually you. About 20 minutes later, his car pulled in the driveway. It was so surreal. It felt like I was watching him just casually come back from the dead. I watched him just normally get out and come walking in, like nothing had happened. Like the rest of us didn't just all go on the worst & fastest emotional rollercoaster ride. Like I hadn't been contemplating suicide for how long, up until just minutes beforehand. Needless to say, I jumped on him and hugged him so tight and kept telling him I love him and kept hugging him randomly and just kept looking at him for the rest of the day and trying not to cry, but crying a lot. And he kept telling me to stop being weird... ;u;