#worried about when it’s summer and over 100 degrees how hot it’s going to be in here

[fluttersheep]

yknow all in all these problems are. manageable. it’s not like my floor is soggy from flooding that hasn’t been addressed in weeks (overheard someone complaining about that this morning in the leasing office. the maintenance here is just complete garbage)

i’m more bothered by how much i’m paying for a poorly insulated, humid, dirty, falling apart apartment. i can make it cute and find a way to be comfortable. but it’s costing me a lot of my own money that i shouldn’t have to be spending

[bomber-grl]

Leo Valdez relationship hc♡

₊˚⊹Pairing(s): Leo Valdez x Gn!reader (no pronouns/no specific godly parent)

₊˚⊹Warning(s): Some cringe things so proceed with caution 😭

If you thought he was annoying he gets 100x worse

Like you know that one friend that gets a lil too comfortable around you?

Yea well that’s him except he’s your boyfriend

Now, I kinda sorta imagine diff sides of him as ur bf

So the most obvious way is him acting annoyingly clingy and such

He’s always cuddling up to you, calling you cringe nicknames/pet names, and just being so clingy and affectionate

Not that you hate it

He’s so sweet too, like he knows he’s annoying and stuff but for the most part it’s just to tease or mess with you

And when it comes to the more emotional part of the relationship, he’s there

You can only guess it’s because of how he always tries to hide his true feelings behind jokes and humor

Due to your relationship you two began getting closer and thus conversations of his true feelings and thoughts were revealed along the way.

So it just makes you sad that not enough people realize how sad and miserable he can be sometimes.

The reality of this slaps you in the face when you accidentally stumbled into him bawling his eyes out and very obviously going through something serious, then starts laughing and throwing out jokes at his own expense

Like why??

All you could think of doing was hugging him. Really settled in stone that y’all are 4lifers

Continuing from that, he really does like you

Like all his life he was literally “the other woman” in the sense that no one ever wanted him back.

So once you return his feelings he’s bamboozled

He genuinely takes a step back and tells you to stop joking around.

That’s how bad it was

Well, because of how taken back he was he not only made jokes but eventually realized there was no reason to use them as a cover anymore and just hugged and thanked you.

Yea, thanked you for liking him

Most times you enjoy each-others company in either your cabin, if not in bunker 9

While you’re just chilling in there practicing or doing whatever and him just working on a project he asks what makes him so attractive to you

Of course he drops jokes like “ofc I’m super sexy” or “how could u resist me?”

But when you ultimately tell him what you liked about him and how cute you found him-

He flusters

Badly

How easy it is to fluster him is one thing you absolutely love about him

He’s always getting overly cocky and flirting with you like there’s no tomorrow while dropping the most down right horrendous pet names known to man

(Ex: pookie wookie bear, sugar booger, etc)

Most times when Leo would flirt with girls in the past they’d ignore him and basically look down on him. ( which we all know)

Well when your lovely ass comes around he does the same routine

But unlike before, you actually reciprocate this flirting

And he combusts on the spot

*leo exe has stopped working*

Quite literally

He’s so unused to his affections being returned it’s literally whiplash the second it is

Gets to the point where he’s so embarrassed from your constant harassing teasing and flirting that he covers his face and basically whines out, begging for you to stop.

What a simp

(This statement is quite literally acknowledged by everyone else too LMAOO)

aside from that, he’s super hot

Literally

Concerningly so, especially during the summer

And it’s the absolute worse

Not only do you have to worry over him potentially over heating and passing out -

But also worry about yourself passing out CUZ THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW PERSONAL SPACE!!!😭😭😭

He’s always clinging onto you and it could be 100 degrees outside and he truly does not give a flying fuck

It gets to the point where you have to peel him off of you, or at least beg someone else to do so in your place

And then he pouts and acts upset like??

Would he rather you die of over heating??😭

Like sorry we all ain’t fire resistant 🙄

Your personality takes a whole 180 during winter

Sure, they have the weather controller dome at camp but during missions that’s when you cling to him.

He always just lets you because of how touch starved the poor guy is.

(You probably are too if we’re being real here)

In the case that the weather controller isn’t working and it starts snowing then you most definitely sneak him in your cabin or bunker 9-

(I firmly believe he would build beds or sum shit for y’all to hang there and eat snacks)

And y’all would cuddle. You’d be warmly tucked under the sheets away from the harsh winds and hearing nothing else but each others breath.

Going back to physical affection in your relationship- home dude would be stressingggg

He’s be so nervous and his heartbeat would speed up anytime you’d hug and hold his hand.

Again, he gets way clingier and once y’all kiss there ain’t no going back.

He’s stuck to you forever.

If you ever want to cuddle or sleep in the same bed as him for a “sleepover”-ish thing then best believe dudes gonna be the worst sleepover- partner??

Just imagine this-

Leo, you ,both laying side by side under warm sheets on a dark winter night.

No light besides that of the moon and y’all have been pretty intimate and emotional. Just getting to know each-other on another level

Finally you’re falling asleep, your lids are drooping and you breath calms down after Leo shed a few tears.

Then all you hear is-

“Bro imagine if-“

Literal slap to the face

Like you can’t tell me he doesn’t say the most random shit and stops yall from actually sleeping. Literally has y’all giggling and shit all night.

If you’re in your cabin and you have siblings- they literally tell you to shut the fuck up and be grateful they let ur lil boyfriend sleep there without snitching.

Like goddamn

Never have y’all once slept in Leo’s cabin because how how fucking weird his siblings are-

Anyway 🙃

Bro is always showing you off

He has you on his arm and always saying shit about how he pulled a baddie

Like, sir, you’re the baddie

Anyway

Best believe home dude spoils you

Like sure, sometimes he’s a lil broke but he’s always making and buying you little things

Which is honestly so sweet 😭😭

Especially when you react by cuddling him and just peppering his face in kisses

He’s glad to have you as his significant other

I mean in his own words

“All da ladies love Leo”

(Ofc replaced w a Gn term cuz I’m sure everyone loves Leo lmao)

[jcs-singular-slut-strand]

emoji ask game!

🍜 dish

🎉 holiday

🐈‍⬛ animal

🌻 flower

🌦 weather

📚 book

🎶 musical artist

2. pretty ask game!

galaxy; what fascinates you?

melody; favorite artists?

rose; favorite flower?

sun; favorite season

brilliant; what celebrity do people say you look like?

joy; best feeling you’ve ever experienced? 

1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

have fun answering!

🍜 dish

My favourite dish is something my mother makes, it's pasta with home made tomato sauce and tuna. Banging

🎉 holiday

My favourite holiday was the one I went on with my parents last summer to Croatia and Italy. We went to Dubrovnik, Korčula, Split, and Pula in Croatia, and then also Venice. I am very lucky and very grateful, it was an amazing holiday

🐈‍⬛️ animal

My favourite animal is a girrafe 🦒 lmao look at it

🌻 flower

I don't have a favourite flower 😔

🌦 weather

I CANNOT WITH HEAT!!!! I'm too used to minus degrees and summer officially starting when it hits 11°C. I like the rain, you kind of have to when you see so much of it. Snow is cool too, although my dad chucking it right in my face is not and also when you're trying to get the bus somewhere

📚 book

Oh my god I have no fucking clue. Ummmmm... divergent?? 😭😭😭 I honestly do not know

🎶 music artist

100% lady gaga all the way but I also like loads of other people. I've seen Florence + The Machine live and I've also seen Adam Ant live, both of which were fucking incredible. I'M SEEING THE WEDDING PRESENT IN OCTOBER AHHHHH!!!! I'm also a big fan of the Kate Nash Album "Girl Talk" and I really like Shadon van Etten

Galaxy (what fascinates you)

How I'm perceived by others, what other people think of me. Why other people think I do things and what they think about my thought process and actions

Melody (favourite artist)

LADY GAGA LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sun (favourite season)

Winter is depressing, but summer is too hot. Spring starts off too cold and ends up too warm. So autumn is the best.

Brilliant (what celebrity have I been compared to)

Everyone says that I look like Elizabeth Taylor cause I'm just that beautiful obvs 🙄🙄🙄 JK I've never been compared to a celebrity before

Joy (best feeling you've ever felt)

When I came out of an exam I was worried for but it ended up asking me all the things I remembered the most clearly

1975 (what time period would you most like to travel to)

Right so I have over 10 fashion history books and my favourite historical era is most likely the Georgians. The men's Dandy outfit was such a look, we should bring it back. I would like to point and laugh at King George IV for wearing ladies pink tights underneath his kilt when visiting Scotland cause that shit is hilarious. Either that or I go back to 33AD to show the gang Jesus Christ Superstar 1973. A Dandy outfit for reference (way better than macaroni)

Tattoos/piercings

I have just normal ear piercings, one on each lobe and I don't know if I want any more. I do know that I want tattoos though

[mickimomo]

Popsicle (Oni × Namora)

I plan on writing one for Attoye and Nashuri when I get some free time. 🫶🏾

It was a hot day in Wakanda and everyone was desperate to either cool down in the river or eat something cold.

The icee vendors had lines so long, that people didn't dare to add to it. Either going home to fetch something refreshing or floating in the Wakandan river to stay cool.

It was getting to the point that several Wakandans had either went to the Jabari Lands or Talokan to escape the simmering sun, because the river wasn't cutting it.

Although, Namora found the sun pretty, she hated how hot the summer could get.

Instead of her usual armor, she was dressed in an orange loincloth and a cropped red tube top.

Her skin was flushed purple from the heat and her hair was tied up in a bun, to keep her skin from heating up further.

It was hard to be on land today, but she was desperate to see the priestess.

She was often covered in long sleeve dresses and veiled. So if she were ever to see more of her, it would be today of all days. Her inner fashion fanatic was itching to see what kind of swimwear she'd dawn as priestess of Wakanda.

Maybe a one piece and a veil?

Would she wear a veil on such a hot day?

How would the people accommodate their priestess when it was 100+ degrees farenheit out here?

Would they be expected to not look at her while she graced Wakanda with her unveiled face or would they give her something else to wear?

Her blush darkened as she imagined her in a set of skimpy swimwear with a mask.

"Namora, you are more purple than the plums of Wakanda." Attuma teased her with a soft splash that cooled and dampened her shoulders. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

Namor approached her with a curious brow. "Probably her land flower."

"She is a water lily." Namora corrected with a huff.

"I guess it's fitting if they have to float on the surface." Attuma teased before accepting a face full of water.

"Do not mock, in Yuum k'iino'."

Namor chuckled. "In Yuum k'iino', in lool, or in yakunaj?"

Namora splashed him as her blush deepened into a rich violet. "Xe!"

"Aw Namora. Don't tell us to go away." Attuma scooped her out of the water and hugged her tight. "We are worried for you."

"Let go of me, you overgrown shark." She scowled and smacked at him like an angry cat. "You both lack the brain cells to worry about anyone else!"

"If we lacked the brain cells, we wouldn't know you were over here having nasty thought about your crush." Attuma hummed.

"A crush you cannot act on." Namor reminded.

"Don't remind me." Namora grumbled.

"The two of you have so much sexual tension, you probably visit each other in each other's dreams."

"I wish." Namora groaned.

''Chaac will not be cruel. I'm sure something will come around." Attuma set her down before patting her softly on the back.

"You think so?" Namora mumbled.

"Yes." Namor gently cupped her cheeks. "Do not feel defeated, mm? You can still be around her until things change."

"If things change."

"Have faith."

"Eh."

"Have you even seen her today?" Attuma furrowed his eyebrows.

"No. I'd faint by the time I reached the marketplace in this heat."

"Why don't you ask Shuri about Oni's whereabouts?" Namor arched a brow. "Maybe she can ask Oni to come here to see you?"

Her eyes lifted to see Shuri slowly making her way down the hill with Okoye, Aneka, and Ayo sporting bathing suits of different styles.

"I don't know." She murmured. "I don't want people misunderstanding me."

"Because you have a crush?"

"I don't need another Cebisa in my life."

"Hey come on. If anyone knows, Queen Shuri would." Attuma offered. "If not her, K'iin would. I'm sure they'd understand that you're hoping for a friendly interaction."

Namora puffed her cheeks. "I'm not asking your partners."

"Do you want one of us to ask?" Namor tilted his head.

"No." She frowned. "She will either come to me or I will crawl to her."

They both chuckled as she turned her back to the shore and glared at the water.

As if she were summoned by their discussion, a cheery shout sounded from the market area as Oni came running forward with a large cart. The Jabari king, following after her with a few temple workers carrying a few coolers.

"Popsicles! Come get your free popsicles!"

"Ah. Would you look at that." Attuma chuckled. "She descends upon us like a shooting star."

Namora's head snapped around to see the priestess giggling and laughing as she donned a lilac bikini and matching colored lace veil.

Her eyes were saucers as she watched the priestess hand out frozen rectangles on a stick, cheerily greeting people who thanked her for the cold dessert. M'Baku stood next to her, helping her hand treats out, looking just as stylish as his cousin.

"A purple one." Namor added before refocusing on his cousin. "Almost the color of your face-"

Namora silenced him with a large splash before getting out of the river and quickly making her way towards her crush.

Her hopes of seeing the priestess were quickly squashed when she was forced to stand at the very end of the line by a few angry individuals.

She was tempted to beat everyone's ass, but she didn't want to upset Oni.

If she dared to wait until she got to the front, she'd risk fainting and waking up with Chaac.

Namora, however, was determined and stubborn.

Oni was worth the risk.

She would conquer the sun and collect a frozen treat from the priestess, even if it killed her.

She would bask in her attention and compliment her attire and then invite her to eat with her. And then she'd get the honor of spending the rest of the day with the most beautiful soul of the surface world.

Maybe they could go for a swim.

Her mind dissociated from her body, daydreaming up a million and one scenarios that fueled her will to endure the scorching sun.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, she finally made it to the front.

A little lightheaded and sore from the sun, but happy nonetheless.

"Hi Namora."

This was it.

She had been practicing english nonstop just for this very moment.

The warrior smiled behind her rebreather. "Hello, Yuum k'iino."

"What flavor popsicle do you want?"

"Surprise me."

Oni hummed as she looked down into the cart while M'Baku served the next person in line a treat, her breasts fully on display to the talokanil warrior as her veiled face debated on a flavor.

Her skin glistened with sweat, a non-ashy sunscreen, and fine glitter that shifted between bronze and warm lavender.

The lilac bikini was plain and held together with a series of crisscrossing strings that promised strange tan lines.

Namora couldn't refrain from staring, her mind desperate to burn the image of the veiled woman into her brain.

All those years of training had done her wonders.

And there were no scars to show for it- although that was probably Bast refusing to have a scarred vessel.

"Mmm..."

Namora blinked back to reality at the sound.

"...you look like an orange creamsicle type of person." Oni hummed as she pressed her chest against the top of the cart while reaching in to grab the flavor she named. "Here." She stood up and held it out.

Namora let out a shaky breath as she watched. "Thank you." She grabbed it carefully before furrowing her eyebrows. "Can you eat one with me? I've never had this kind of treat before."

Oni offered a small nod before reaching in and grabbing out another. "Umzala, can I step away real quick?"

He offered a nod before arching a brow at them. "Don't take too long."

"I won't. It's just a quick snack break." She waved her popsicle at her cousin before walking with Namora to find a spot to sit and eat.

The Jabari king rolled his eyes as he watched them retreat.

"You've never had a popsicle before?" Oni looked at her from behind her veil.

Namora shook her head. "We do not have these in Talokan."

"But you've been to the surface world..."

"To kill my enemies."

They settled on the river shore, in a spot that was significantly less crowded.

Basically desolate, minus a person who had nodded off while reading a book a few feet away in an umbrellaed chair.

No one else dared to sit over there due to the lack of shade.

Music played softly in the background from sleeping Wakandan's stereo adding to the ambience of the warrior and the priestess' little date.

"Well let's nip this first time experience in the bud." Oni hummed as she unwrapped her popsicle and held it up. "You just unwrap it and eat it."

Namora unwrapped it and pulled off her facial rebreather before biting the popsicle.

Oni couldn't refrain from giggling as the woman recoiled with discomfort.

"I do not like it."

"You can't bite it when it's that hard, Namora."

"Then what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Suck it or lick it."

Namora blinked as her mind went diving headfirst into a gutter.

Oni sucking and licking-

"What?"

"Watch." Oni hummed as she lifted her veil enough to reveal her glossy two-toned lips before taking the tip of the popsicle into her mouth.

Her cheeks hollowed briefly as she sucked before she dragged her tongue up the side of the orange and white treat.

"You're supposed to use your mouth to melt it." She licked her lips. "And then when it's soft enough, you can bite it." She sucked on the popsicle a little more before sinking a canine into it, to bite off a chunk. "Like so."

Namora watched her chew a little before swallowing with parted lips.

"Try it." She smiled.

The warrior put the popsicle into her mouth and sucked as instructed.

Oni tilted her head. "Like it?"

"I guess so. The eating process is odd." Namora offered before trailing her tongue across the popsicle with purpled cheeks.

Oni shrugged. "It's only odd if you make it odd." She grinned before refocusing on eating her popsicle.

Namora looked out to the river shyly.

They ate quietly until Namora let out a sharp gasp and began to curse under her breath in her native tongue.

"What's wrong?" Oni blinked.

"Stupid treat, got in my top." Namora grumbled.

"Oh? Let me help." Oni hummed before handing her, her frozen treat.

"I don't need-" Namora fell silent as the priestess grabbed her breasts and groped them experimentally, being careful that no one could see what was happening.

"Well it's not under them, so it must be between them." She hummed before sliding a cold hand under the band of fabric.

"Oni-"

"-Got it." She held up the frozen chunk and popped it into her mouth before leaning forward.

Her two-toned lips looked so soft, Namora's head was spinning at the thought of biting her or kissing her pretty ass until she was breathless.

Why was Oni such a demon?

"Do you need me to clean it up? I doubt you'd want your skin to get sticky." She gently rested her hands on her azure thighs. "Right?"

Namora was so purple, her breath slowly became ragged at the thought of Oni licking and sucking on her breasts.

"For someone who has vows to keep, you're awful at trying to keep them." Namora shivered as she priestess leaned in, so that their lips were barely touching. "Especially when we are in public."

Oni leaned back after fixing the warrior's top. "Fine. I'll be normal and get you a damp napkin."

"Thank you."

"Mhm."

Namora watched the priestess get up and walk away with swaying hips before wincing as a ball hit her in the face.

Her nose started bleeding and her face stung from the sheer force.

Cebisa approached slowly with a small group of apologetic children.

"Ma'taali'teeni' General Namora!" One talokanil kid pouted behind their rebreather.

"We didn't mean for the ball to hit you and make you bleed!"  A Wakandan kid panicked. "We were playing catch with Shaman Cebisa and the ball-"

Another kid made a whistling while a fourth reenacted her fate.

Namora knew exactly why the ball had hit her in the face.

Cebisa's expression was cordial but smug.

The threat was clear.

Oni has vows and she was not supposed to be participating in the breaking of them.

She looked at the two fallen popsicles and got up with a frown. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing a quick swim can't fix."

"Perhaps you should take a long one." Cebisa offered. "I know the sun can be hard on the people of Talokan."

Namora frowned. "Discomfort is the norm when walking the surface."

"Well let's hope you stop walking towards things you cannot touch." She forced a smile. "I'd hate for you to cause irreversible damage."

"Of course." Namora forced a smile after licking some of her blood that had trailed down to her bottom lip.

The kids recollected their ball and retreated with the shaman, leaving Namora to her thoughts.

Namora rolled her eyes before grabbing her rebreather and stepping into the river.

She'd gotten something out of today.

She would not cross that line again.

At least, not again in the same day.

She turned around to see Oni talking to her cousin and smiled.

She'd have to pray for another hot summer day.

The warrior refocused on the river as she walked further in, before vanishing below the water's surface.

[dollslayer]

Botanical Interest - For Luck

Soft!Mob!Steve Rogers x Florist!Reader

Summary: Steve introduces you to some of the most important people in his life, but are you ready for all that comes with it?

W/C: 4,743

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, angst, gambling

A/N: When I saw @redhead-wine-and-literature-club was doing a floral based challenge I couldn't pass up the opportunity to add to this series! April 28th - Cornflower - good-luck charm. Even though this is part of a series of oneshots it can be read as a standalone! If you like it please like/reblog/comment and check out my other fics! Cheers!

Botanical Interest Masterlist I Main Masterlist

The sunlight through the windows warms your skin while the breeze of the small fan on the counter gives you goosebumps. Dog days of Summer slowly set in over the city and with them came a slight dip in business. No one wants a rooftop wedding when it’s 100 degrees out and the drinks are watered down with sweat. You didn’t mind though, it let you put in a little extra time and care to the orders you did have.

You picked up a stem of cornflower and nestled it between snapdragons and lisianthus. It was so dreamy you couldn’t help but sigh, you almost wished it was for yourself. It was for an elopement, an eager young couple came in this morning all smiles asking if you could take the last minute order. Feeling a little sappy from your own relationship you couldn’t turn them down.

You started in on the boutonniere when the music you had on was paused. Curious, you looked at your phone to find you had an incoming call. You balanced the phone in between your shoulder and ear as you gathered supplies.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Doll. How are you?” Steve’s warm voice greeted you.

You smiled into the receiver. “I’m good, just working on the last order of the day. What are you up to?”

“Well actually that’s what I called to ask you. You free tonight?”

“You can meet me at the shop in an hour. Sound good?” You promised.

“Sounds like a plan. I love you, doll, I’ll see you soon.”

After returning his affections you hung up and set to work, excited to be finished and see Steve. Despite his involvement with the mob, which neither of you had really addressed head-on yet, things were going really well. Even though he was involved with murky dealings he was sweet to you and you were in love with him. You tried to plan your night with Steve in your head as you worked.

____

The ringing of a bell roused you from your work, expecting to see the young couple here to pick up their flowers. You were instead face to face with Steve’s handsome smirk and playful eyes. Your smile grew wider as he approached the counter. You held the boutonniere up to the lapel of his jacket and eyed it from a distance.

“Do I have a hot date I didn’t know about?” He joked.

“No!” You giggled, “The flowers are for a couple that came in the shop this morning, they’re going to elope and the groom’s got your complexion, thought I’d see how this looks on you before I finish”

“Oh? And how do I look as a groom?” He questioned.

Your cheeks heated instantly and you felt shy. You managed to squeak out that he looked nice before you had to turn away to box up the flowers. You couldn’t help the stupid smile on your face. You and Steve never talked about marriage before but things were getting serious between you. Maybe he just felt extra cheeky today.

“I like the blue, very colorful”

“They’re cornflowers, they’re a good luck charm! I figured they were fitting for their little wedding. So what did you have in mind for tonight? It’s too hot to sit on the patio but I’ve got a pint of ice cream with our names on it in the freezer at home” You raised your eyebrows in offer.

“Well actually, I was hoping you could be my good luck charm tonight. Bucky’s got a few of us getting together tonight for poker and you’ve yet to meet my friends. What do you say?”

Oh. You weren’t sure what to say. You hadn’t met his friends yet because you were uncomfortable with his mob work and you knew they were involved. But you also knew they were his friends and they were important to him. It’s not like you could avoid them forever. Poker with a mob boss? Sure why not?

You put on a slightly uneasy smile and nodded.

“Well I have to tell you, I haven’t played in forever but I would love to meet your friends” You told him.

“I promise, no shop talk. But I’ve been telling them about you. Buck’s wife Natasha has been dying to meet you. I also promise not to make you play poker.” He said with an easy grin.

“Alright, I just have to wait on this couple to pick up their flowers and close up. Shouldn’t be more than 20 minutes. You can wait here if you want but I’ve got no A/C”

Steve nodded and took off his jacket. He rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie.

“For you? I’ll sweat it out.” He said.

____

After a quick pit stop at your place to change you were on your way. You smiled in the passenger’s seat, still reeling from the look on the young bride’s face when she saw her bouquet. That was undoubtedly the best part of your job, seeing the joy on your customer’s faces when they saw their arrangements. Maybe this feeling could carry you through the night.

The tires of Steve’s Audi crunched under the gravel of the long driveway up to Bucky’s estate. Steve told you he had a townhouse in Brooklyn but for the most part they stayed at their estate outside of the city. You looked up at the facade of the house and admired the ivy that clung to the bricks.

Parking the car Steve got out and quickly made his way to your side to let you out. Just one of the many old-fashioned quirks that he had. You accepted his hand as he helped you out of the car and leaned up to kiss his cheek. His hand traveled down to rub your back reassuringly. You looked up at him.

“Don’t worry, they’ll love you. Natasha can be intense but she means well. Just be yourself and they’ll love you just as much as I do.” He kissed your hair to soothe you and lead you towards the door.

Steve nodded at the man at the door. “Scott. Nice to see you, this is my girlfriend”

You smiled and gave him your name. “It’s nice to meet you, Scott”.

He smiled and greeted you in kind, lifting his hand to shake yours. When he did his jacket rode up and you could see the holster and butt of his gun. You ignored it and shook his hand.

Scott opened the door for you and you entered the house. Mansion, might be a better word honestly. Marble floors, oak woodwork, all the look of any house you’d find in the area and all in line with how you’d think a rich mob boss might live. The foyer was empty but you could hear voices in the distance.

Steve waltzed through the halls like he lived here, when he was at work he probably practically did. The space was teeming with energy as they bantered on with trash talk and promises of beating one another. Men sat at a round table drinking, waiting to deal cards and women standing around sipping on wine.

One man looked familiar from the pictures you’d seen around Steve’s place. His sharp jaw and long dark hair drew your attention instantly; Bucky Barnes, King of Brooklyn. His brows were pinched together in a scowl but he had a playful grin on his face. You steeled yourself the best you could and prepared for your introduction. Just think of him as Steve’s childhood best friend.

“Steve! ‘Bout time you showed up you bastard!” an accented voice belonging to a tall blond man with long hair called. He clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “And are you the enchantress that our dear friend goes on and on about? Now that I’m meeting you I can see why!”

Steve let out an embarrassed laugh and motioned towards his friend. “This is Thor, don’t let the muscle fool you, he’s a total teddy bear”

You gave him your name and extended your hand when he brought you in for a bone-crushing hug. You let out a laugh and hugged him back, grateful for something to ease the tension you felt.

“How’s that for a warm welcome, huh?” A voice sounded from behind you.

Thor released you from your hug and you took a desperately needed breath. He patted you on the shoulder.

“Wanted to make our dear Steven’s girl feel at home, that’s all” Thor explained. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to beating your boyfriend at poker.” You laughed at that and turned to face the man who spoke earlier.

That man was none other than Bucky, who reached out for your hand. You gave it to him and he instead lifted it to give a gentle kiss.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting the one and only. Stevie here won’t shut up about you sometimes. I’m Bucky but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“I’ve heard about you too, it’s nice to finally meet.” You nodded as you took your hand back.

“I’m afraid I need to steal your man, we’ve been waiting on him to start the game but tell you what, why don’t you go find my wife Natasha, I know she’s been dying to meet you.”

Great, not at all intimidating. Okay fine just smile and breathe. Maybe get a drink. You smiled at Bucky. “The redhead, right?” He nodded and sent you on your way. One last look at Steve you shot him a worried look but he only winked at you.

You looked around the room and shrunk in on yourself a bit. You were never the best with social outings or being in new environments. You looked around again and found the very redhead you had been in search of smirking at you from the corner. She was dressed in a sleek black dress and looked effortlessly beautiful but also like she could strangle a man with her bare hands. You steeled yourself with a smile you’re sure she saw straight through.

“So you’re the one responsible for the flowers at my wedding?” You nodded Pleasesayyoulikedthempleasesayyoulikedthem “I loved them! The wedding planner recommended you and I’m so glad she did. It’s so hard to find a good color pallet but you nailed it. Come on, you need a drink then I’ll introduce you to the girls”

She ushered you towards the kitchen where she took the waiting wine glass from the counter and handed it to you. You didn’t like red but you’d drink it anyways. You brought the glass to your lips and took a sip.

You two talked for a bit in the kitchen, maybe she wasn’t as scary as she seemed. You tipped the stem of your glass until there was nothing left. Before you could ask for different wine she was topping you off from the same bottle. Another round of apprehensive sips and hidden grimaces but you thanked her regardless. It was now your goal to find the sociable sweet spot of drunkenness. You could feel blood rushing to your cheeks from the alcohol as tipsiness settled in.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and considered you for a moment.

“So how are you handling the whole organized crime thing? Gotta say, I didn’t peg you as his type but you guys are cute.”

You stopped yourself from spitting the wine in your mouth back into the glass.

“Um, thanks, I guess” You sputtered, “we uh, try to keep things separate. Figure it’s best for both of us.”

Natasha nodded, taking another drink herself.

“That’s probably best but I mean, how long can you keep that up, really?” She asked

You hated to admit it but she had a point. It’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed your mind. You opened your mouth to answer her when a man walked into the room and called your name. You looked expectantly (and slightly gratefully) towards him.

“I believe your man has requested your presence at the table. Somethin’ about needing a cornflower? I don’t know he said you’d get it. What are you two gossipin’ about in here anyways?” He questioned.

Natasha spoke before you could “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Sam. We’re right behind you.” Sam nodded and retreated back to the doorway to wait for you.

Natasha touched your shoulder and you looked to her.

“Look, I didn’t mean to come off so brash, I guess I’m just trying to say, I know that being involved in this life isn’t easy. We’ll swap numbers later. Maybe we’ll go to lunch” She winked at you. You couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not but you nodded anyways.

“I-Thank you, I think I’d like that. I’d better go find Steve though” you excused yourself and made your way back to the table.

____

Steve Rogers was having a good night. He finally got to introduce his friends to his girl, she seemed to be relaxing a bit and having a better time, and he was well on his way to getting a straight flush this hand. The only thing that would seal the deal is his good luck charm by his side.

Steve called to Sam across the room and as soon as Sam walked over and bent Steve spoke.

“Sam, could you do me a solid and find my girl? Think she went to get a drink with Nat. Tell her I need cornflowers”

“Man if this is some weird sex thing I’m gonna be mad” Sam said with a mixture of confusion and disgust.

“Oh, please. Nothin’ like that, promise. She’ll know what it means.” Steve pat his friend on the shoulder and paid attention as Thor dealt cards.

A minute later his girl was walking through the door with an uneasy smile on her face. Something is wrong but he can’t gauge how serious it is. Sam says something to make her laugh and he settles on asking her later. Natasha saunters out behind them looking almost amused but cautious. Like she was regretting something. She’d probably just tried to give his girl the third degree when Sam interrupted them. It’s for the best, that’s too much for one night.

His girl smiles as she approaches him, looking slightly more at ease when she takes another sip of her wine. Her smile was a little looser and she moved a bit more freely, definitely tipsy and completely adorable with that grin on her lips.

“How are things going over here for you boys?”

Gauging how tipsy she was, he patted his knee in offering and she took it with a shy smile. Only slightly. But enough not to worry so much.

“Well, sweetheart, I’m about to kick all their asses and I figured I could use a good luck charm to seal the deal.” He boasted.

“Oh,” she said in realization, “Then I’m all yours”. She settled into his lap and watched on.

Her face was nothing short of endearing as she tried to concentrate and take in the game. He remembered she said she hadn’t been good at poker but it was sweet she was trying to pay attention anyways and be there for him.

“What’s the pot?” She asked.

“Nothin’ serious, there’s a pretty nice box of cigars and a weekend at Buck’s place in the Hamptons in the mix but we don’t do cash at get togethers like this, that’s for boy’s nights only.” He explained as he rubbed her back with his free hand. “Tonight’s just about fun”

She nodded as she studied the table some more before resigning to laying her head against his and listening to whatever bullshit Clint was on about. Steve was focused on getting others at the table to fold, he knew he had a good hand and a good chance of winning, he just needed the others to back down to bring it home.

Thor placed the final community card face up and Steve set out a low whistle. Others at the table looked a little miffed but he just knew he was taking it all. He set down his cards to a chorus of groans as he raked all the chips towards himself. You placed a kiss to his temple and he returned one to your cheek.

“Just the good luck I needed” he said loud enough for the table to hear.

“Hey Steve you gotta come see this!”

Steve tsked in annoyance. “Can it wait? I’m up and we were gonna keep playing. I’ll be there after”

“No, you should go. Let her play a hand for you, we can get to know each other better” Bucky suggested.

“Oh, I don’t think you want me playing poker.” She laughed but nervousness was the only emotion he could see on your face. He opened his mouth to protest but was cut off.

“She’ll be fine, we’ll go easy on her, I mean it. If it makes you feel better we’ll even hold the pot. This round is just for shits.” Bucky insisted.

Caught between wanting to ask how you felt about it and not wanting to get flak about being so sensitive Steve tilted his head in silent asking at you.

You gave him the same unsure smile you’d had all night and nodded up at him. “I’ll be fine, Stevie, promise.”

He gave her a reassuring smile and then turned his eye to Bucky who was all smiles. He knew exactly what Bucky was trying to do. Buck knows she doesn’t know anything but he’s gonna turn the screws on her just like he does with anyone new at the table. Steve gave him a stern expression in warning. Don’t scare her off.

____

You could hear your heart beating in your ears as you tried to decide what to do. Take it slow. You told yourself. You looked up to find all the eyes at the table on you and did your best to calm yourself.

“So who’s dealing?” A man you hadn’t previously met swiped the cards and began shuffling.

“Look, I know we said we’d put the pot on hold but Laura’s been bugging me about a vacation and I don’t know that I can pass up this opportunity to steal from Steve so easily, so” The man you’d come to know as Clint trailed off. You did your best not to be offended.

“Shut up, Barton. I promised Steve, we just wanna have a little fun, don’t we?” Bucky asked.

Is he asking me?

You decided to take a sip of your wine instead and he chuckled.

“So,” Bucky turned to you, “I know that you know about what we do, there’s no point in denying it. The question is are you going to be a problem for us or do you know how to keep things to yourself?”

Frozen in fear you could only manage to look at the rest of the table, hoping to find that this was all a joke. Instead, every face looking to you was stony and waiting on an answer. God, this man was made for Natasha, that much is clear. Your eyes darted around the room looking for an out. Where is Steve? Where the fuck is Steve?

You don’t find him, but you do find Natasha looking at you, she smiles and looks to her husband before she shakes her head. She makes her way over to her husband and lightly smacks him in the back of the head.

The look of surprise on his face ruins his silent and aggressive front as he winces in pain. He looks in slight annoyance at his wife as she tsks at him.

“Will you stop already? She’s a smart girl and you don’t need to go scaring her off. In fact, I hope she beats you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.” Natasha sounded so confident. You warmed to the fact that she was in your corner when you were practically a stranger in her home.

“Aw c’mon, Babe, I was only messin’ with her.” Bucky turned to Nat and she just challenged him with a smile.

You didn’t know why Natasha has suddenly become so supportive, maybe she felt bad about earlier but you were grateful to her. She pulled up a chair between the two of you to watch and motioned to the dealer to continue. You finished your second glass and prepared yourself for the night ahead. Any chance they had of you going easy on them went out the window.

____

You lost the first hand graciously, saying you hadn’t played poker since you were in college as an excuse for your loss. But when Steve was still busy and Bucky offered another round you accepted. You decided to put your full effort in this time.

Twenty minutes later everyone at the table was feeling confident in their hands, staring at each other like some sort of Mexican standoff, willing the others to fold. You could tell by the way Clint kept scratching the cut on his chin that he was screwed and he knew it. Thor couldn’t go more than 5 seconds without nervous laughing.

But Bucky? He was a tough read but about half way through the round his leg started bouncing. You knew this because he was bumping into Natasha, who’s wine was sloshing around in the glass despite her stillness. These clods didn’t stand a chance.

The dealer, Vision, you’d learned, called for everyone to show their cards. Here goes. One by one everyone set their cards down until finally it was your turn. You set them down but focused on your opponents faces. Everyone looked confused, shocked even. You had laid down a royal flush and handily smoked them all.

“Holy shit”

“Holy shit indeed”

“Told you so” Nat teased.

You smiled at all of them and drank from your newly topped off glass of wine - white this time. A warm pair of hands rested on your shoulders and you looked up to find Steve smiling down at you.

“What’s going on over here, gentlemen?”

“Well, Steve, I think your girl is hustlin’ us. Thought you said you hadn’t played since college?” Bucky turned to you. You couldn’t gauge how angry he was but you decided to be honest.

“I haven’t,” you began, “But when I did I was pretty damn good. You just assumed I didn’t know what I was doing.” You shrugged.

The room was tense, it felt like everyone was looking to Bucky to see what to do next. He broke out into a wide smile and a low chuckle turned into hearty laugh. Everyone visibly relaxed.

“I gotta say, Steve. She isn’t what I expected, but she’s sure somethin’”

“A girl after my own heart” Natasha added.

Steve bent down to kiss your head. You stood from the table and offered him your seat. Nat put a hand on your shoulder.

“Steve I’m going to steal her again, the girls will probably want to hear all about your little cardshark.”

____

He had to admit, he was completely blown away by your little stunt at the table. He thought back to earlier when you watched him play. You weren’t trying to desperately understand the game, you were studying your opponents. He couldn’t deny it was kinda hot. You were full of surprises.

He smiled thinking that you were no different than the day you met, timid but aggressive when you need to be. That’s my girl.

The rest of the night came and went without incident, Steve didn’t end up taking home the pot but he did have a conversation with Bucky.

“She and I don’t talk about work. She knows that what we do isn’t exactly reputable but let’s face it, anyone in Brooklyn would. She doesn’t know and she doesn’t want to.”

Bucky took a long drag from his glass of bourbon and nodded.

“But if she ever did I hope she’s smart enough to know she has to keep what she knows to herself. We can’t afford any slip ups.”

Steve’s fists clenched and he controlled his anger enough not to snap at Bucky. He was his best friend but Bucky was still the boss and Steve knew how much was at stake.

“Not that it’s any of my business but you love this girl, right?” Steve swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Then how the hell are you gonna manage that? Keepin’ your two worlds separate? I mean, you just gonna walk her down the aisle and live happily forever keeping half your life from her? I need to know that if push came to shove she wouldn’t sell us out. Things are fine for now but you know that you’re either in or you’re out. I care about you, Steve, you’re my best friend but you need to see straight.”

Steve looked away, his jaw clenched as he ground his teeth. He knew Bucky was right. He loved you but he owed his life to Bucky, he was his brother. But he loved you. They were careful in their work and he knew any feds that tried to come after them wouldn’t find a thing. He could put this issue into a box and seal the lid tightly, at least for a while.

“I know you’re right. I love her and she’s a good woman. She wouldn’t say anything because she doesn’t know anything. And she never will.”

He left Bucky to stand on his own in search of you. He found you laughing with Laura, Wanda and Nat. He smiled at how welcomed you seemed to feel despite the rocky start.

“You ready to go, doll?”

You turned around and smiled at him. You looked back at the girls and then reluctantly back to him but nodded.

“Guess we’d better go, I’ve got to get down to the flower market at open tomorrow morning”

____

After a very long round of goodbyes you swapped numbers with Nat with promises of future lunch plans. The night had turned out worlds better than you thought that it would. You served a bunch of men their own egos on a silver platter and didn’t get murdered for it and you even made friends.

Still though Nat’s words echoed in your mind ‘how long can you keep that up, really?’ Little did you know but the same thoughts troubled Steve. You knew eventually you would have to make a choice if you ever wanted to get more serious than you were with each other, you just didn’t know what choice you’d make.

The ride home was quiet but not tense. He held your hand a little tighter than usual but you thought maybe he was just excited you had gotten on so well with your friends. He pulled up to your building and put the car in park.

“So do you think they liked me? I mean, other than hustling them at poker I’d say I made a pretty good impression”

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, doll. Gotta say, the whole cardshark thing? Kinda hot, didn’t know you had that in you, you little fiend.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and grinned at him. “I wasn’t gonna but Clint started talking shit.”

“Then he deserved his ass kicked” Steve joked. “I’d come up but I know you’ve got an early morning. Thank you for coming and meeting everyone tonight, I know that you want to keep things separate but these people are family to me, it means a lot that you met them”

You nodded and smiled. You told yourself you didn’t need to make the choice between getting involved with his work and keeping it apart from the other aspects of your life but it seems that by meeting them you had already made one.

Maybe you could talk more to Nat about this, she’d know what your situation is like more than anyone. For now though you decided to focus on the present reality, you had a good night and you had fun and now you’re about to kiss the man you love.

“Of course” you whispered. You kissed him slowly, trying to put off the sleepless night you were surely about to have.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you”

“I love you too, Stevie”

[belladoesmakeup]

Hey guys,

If you live in London like myself you'll be experiencing a crazy summer heatwave at moment where it's basically 30 degrees or higher everyday. As someone who is hella pale and can't cope with weather like this I need something to hold my eye makeup all together. Last night I went for drinks after work (spoiler alert it was cute and I wanna go again) and I was wearing simple makeup all day because of the heat but I went for a glam eye look.

Now my new secret weapon for hot weather only costs £4.99 and it is the Barry M Fresh Face Matte Setting Spray. I'm just gonna say it, this is a drugstore dupe for the Urban Decay Matte All Nighter Setting spray. This setting spray mattify's your face so effortlessly and has a nice spritz applicator so it doesn't drown your face when you spray. To keep your skin matte and hydrated at the same time it is made with Sugar Kelp Extract and hydrating Niacinamide. It is also vegan and 100% cruelty free which a lot if not all Barry M products seems to be now.

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Lots of love

Bella x x

[prouvaireafterdark]

See Something You Like? - Malex Sex Shop AU Part 1/2

It’s FINALLY here: the Malex Sex Shop AU you’ve all been waiting for! Well, the first half anyway (Part Two will be out soon!)

I dedicate this fic to my friendly neighborhood Thigh Riding Anon™️, who inspired this fic with her galaxy brain prompt, and all of you who have been patiently waiting for me to finish this absolute monster of a smut fic. I hope you enjoy it! 💜😘

Also on AO3!

***

When Michael moved to California to start his PhD in agricultural engineering, he’d grossly underestimated how expensive the move would be. The stipend that came with his teaching assistantship just barely covers the rent on his studio apartment, and finding a roommate off Craigslist that’s desperate enough to live in such close quarters isn’t exactly an option considering how many alien skeletons Michael’s got in his closet. The vegetables he’s planning on growing in his complex’s shared community garden will help, but if he wants to eat any time soon he’s gonna have to find a part time job.

Enter Jackie and Kris, the delightful middle-aged lesbian couple who live next door and share Michael’s enthusiasm for sustainable gardening and the occasional midnight smoke.

They get to talking one night while passing a bong back and forth over the railing that divides their balconies, first about DIY organic fertilizer and then about Michael’s degree. He lets spill in a moment of weakness that his coursework is a breeze, but he’s worried he’ll run out of money before he can finish the program. As embarrassed as he is about the confession, it ends up saving his life.

Turns out, Jackie and Kris own a sex shop named Pandora’s Box around the corner and have been looking for some help running the storefront while they focus on expanding their online business and organizing safe sex workshops for the local queer and BDSM communities. The hours would be flexible around Michael’s schedule and all they really would need him to do is stand behind the register, ring people up, and answer questions about their products with “affability and professionalism.”

It’s maybe not the work he imagined himself doing when he moved to California for grad school, but for $15/hr, Michael really can’t afford to say no. He sits for an official interview the very next day and leaves Jackie’s home office with a new job and a pot brownie wrapped in tin foil, eager to get started on both.

Monday afternoons at Pandora's Box are the best. They’re notoriously slow so Michael gets to work his shift alone, which gives him ample time to grade the assignments he procrastinated on all weekend while he sits behind the counter.

It’s a Monday afternoon, in fact, about a year and a half later, when Michael hears the bell above the door chime softly to announce the arrival of a customer who would change his life forever.

The first thing Michael notices when he lifts his head from the stack of exams on the counter is the black leather jacket that’s stretched across the man’s broad shoulders. When Michael’s eyes flick up to get a look at the man’s face, he’s met with sharp cheekbones, beautifully tan skin, and a pair of trendy but understated sunglasses. He looks a little lost—unsurprising, since Michael’s certain he would have remembered it if he’d ever seen a man that pretty walk into his shop before—but when he realizes Michael’s looking at him, he flips his sunglasses up onto his artfully messy dark hair and smiles.

And oh, what a smile it is—the most beautiful one Michael has ever seen, soft and sweeter that it has any right to be, his full lips capturing Michael’s attention with ease. His heart pounds in his chest as their eyes lock together, and if Michael didn’t know any better, he’d think he’s just fallen in love with a perfect stranger.

Before Michael can do more than shoot him a dazed smile in return, the man disappears down an aisle.

As a general rule, Michael doesn’t talk to customers who don’t approach him for help first. It’s best practice in a store that sells pornography and sex toys—most customers don’t want to be questioned about their kinks, and those that do usually already know what they’re looking for—but the pull he feels toward this man is undeniable. He’s curious about him for reasons he can’t explain, and as his feet carry him off in the direction the man went, Michael decides not to question it.

Michael weaves casually through the aisles until he finds the man staring up at the floor to ceiling wall display of dildos and other anal toys—because of course he does. He sends a prayer to a god he doesn’t believe in that this man isn’t buying something for his girlfriend before he steps in line beside him.

“See something you like?” Michael asks, toning down his customer service voice into something approaching normal human speech.

Up close, he can see the man has a septum piercing, which glints a little in the light. Michael’s seen plenty of people with body jewelry come through this store, but he’s never really thought of it as cute until now.

The man smiles at him, a little shy, but Michael’s not so distracted this time that he misses the way his eyes flick over his body in naked interest, and it leaves him feeling a little hot under the collar.

“I’m not sure yet,” the stranger answers.

Even his voice is nice, Michael notes, deeper than he expects and smooth like honey.

Michael nods in understanding. He gets it—this wall can certainly be intimidating, even for someone who’s been to a sex shop before. He looks the man over again, taking in his charmingly flushed cheeks, and wonders if it’s his first time in a place like this. If maybe he needs a little help after all.

It’s a good thing Michael’s an expert, huh?

He doesn’t want to come at him too strongly, though. Encountering an overbearing sales associate isn’t any more fun than being one, and Michael certainly isn’t looking to push the guy passed his personal boundaries. He may be smitten, but he’s not an asshole.

“Well, if you have any questions about any of our products, my name’s Michael,” he says, flashing him a warm smile.

He’s about to go off in search of a nearby display to straighten up so he can give the man some space, but his voice catches Michael’s attention once more.

“And if I don’t have questions?” the man asks, and when Michael turns to look at him there’s a real smile tugging at his lips this time. “What should I call you then?”

Michael laughs, shaking his head as he shoots back, “Okay, smartass, what should I call you?”

For a single, horrible second after his own words reach his ears, Michael thinks he’s gone too far, but the sudden burst of anxiety in his chest turns out to be for nothing—the man’s grin only grows wider.

“Alex,” he says, and to Michael’s surprise he holds his hand out for him.

Alex’s palm is warm against his when he shakes it, and Michael can’t help but wonder how it would feel anchored in his curls or clutching tight to the skin of his hips.

“So, Alex,” Michael starts, emboldened by the introduction. He finds he likes the way Alex’s name feels in his mouth. “What are you in the market for today?”

Alex flushes a little and it’s so endearing Michael has to bite the inside of his bottom lip to keep from smiling.

“That’s the thing—I don’t really know,” Alex answers honestly. “There’s just so many options.”

“Okay, well, let’s start with an easier question: are you shopping for yourself or a significant other?” he asks, and, yeah, maybe he’s planning on filing the answer to his question away for later. Sue him.

Alex looks at him like maybe he suspects ulterior motives, but Michael shamelessly holds his gaze.

“No boyfriend,” Alex says, the corner of his mouth twitching up. “I’m looking for something for myself.”

“Fantastic,” Michael smiles, before he slips a little deeper into salesman mode. “So, judging by the aisle we’re standing in, I’m gonna take a leap and say that you’re looking for a toy you can use for internal anal stimulation. Is that right?”

“Yeah. Think you can help me out with that?” Alex asks, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“Definitely,” Michael answers with a smirk before he turns to the wall display. “As you can see, we have a pretty wide selection; you name it, we’ve probably either got it in stock or can have it shipped in three to five business days. Is there a particular price point you’re aiming for?”

Alex seems to think about it. “I’m not really looking to spend more than $100, but I could go up to $150 if it’ll change my life.”

“I can work with that,” Michael assures him. “Any other parameters I should keep in mind?”

“I’ve read that jelly toys can be dangerous, so definitely not anything made out of that,” Alex says, and Michael’s glad to hear he’s done his research. Jelly toys are frustratingly popular because they’re so cheap and Michael usually has to put in a little work to talk people out of buying them.

“Oh yeah, fuck that jelly shit,” Michael agrees, and Alex’s startled laugh makes his heart skip. “They’re impossible to sanitize properly and they’re full of toxic chemicals—you wouldn’t believe the horror stories I’ve heard about them since I started working here. If you’re looking for something with a softer texture, medical grade silicone is really the only way to go. Just make sure you stick to water-based lube or else you could ruin your toy.”

Alex nods thoughtfully, like he’s read that too.

“Glass and metal are also good options,” Michael continues. “They obviously feel a lot harder inside you, but they’re easy to clean, you don’t have to be as careful about what lube you use, and they’re naturally waterproof. They’re excellent for temperature play, too, if you’re into that.”

“Never tried it,” Alex confesses.

“It’s not for everyone, but it can be a fun time,” Michael says, recalling the scorching summer afternoon he spent fooling around with an ice cube tray and a girl he met on Tinder. “So, your options are metal, glass, and silicone. Any preference?”

Michael notices Alex’s eye catching on a set of stainless steel plugs, but he answers, “Silicone for now, I think.”

“Good choice,” Michael replies easily. “So, now that we know what material you’re looking for, let’s talk about your ideal experience. What are you looking to get out of your purchase?”

“An orgasm?” Alex answers, his confusion evident.

Michael laughs. “Sorry, I meant—how would you like to get there? What sort of sensation are you looking for?”

Alex looks a little lost at the question, so Michael turns to plan B.

“See, this one, for example,” Michael says, pointing to a familiar black prostate massager, “is great for when you wanna get off fast and hard. It’s not too thick, so you don’t have to spend a ton of time opening yourself up for it, and the curve puts the tip of it right up on your p-spot. It’s also got a bunch of different vibration settings and get this: It’s waterproof.”

Alex hums in interested acknowledgement, though Michael notes that the longer he talks, the more Alex’s attention is fixed on him, not the toy.

Feeling bold, Michael adds, “I’d advise caution if you’ve got thin walls though.”

“Why, does it make a lot of noise?” Alex asks curiously.

A slow grin spreads across Michael’s lips. “No,” he says with a shake of his head. “But you will.”

Michael watches Alex try and fail to suppress a smile, his full bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“You seem pretty sure of that,” Alex says when he releases it. “That from firsthand experience, or are you just a really good salesman?”

Michael laughs, equal parts delighted by Alex’s flirting and embarrassed by the memory his question brings to mind.

“What?” Alex asks, a smile building on his face.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you,” Michael hesitates, his face heating up just thinking about it. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Aw, come on,” Alex goads him. “Don’t be such a tease.”

Michael gasps in mock offense. “I’ve been called a lot of things, but a tease isn’t one of them.”

“That mean you’re gonna tell me what’s got you blushing like that after all?” Alex asks.

“I’m not blushing,” Michael protests, even though he definitely is.

Alex raises an eyebrow at him. It’s stupidly attractive.

With a huff, Michael considers his options. He doesn’t usually give personal anecdotes like this to customers, but there’s just something about Alex that makes Michael want to give him whatever he wants.

“Fuck it, why not?” Michael says to himself.

Alex smiles victoriously and settles in to listen.

“So, about a year ago, I came in to work and found this box sitting on the table in the break room, which was filled with a bunch of different toys from the company that makes that massager. I asked my boss about it and she said the company sent her a bunch of free samples.”

“Does that happen often?” Alex interrupts to ask. “Companies just send you free stuff?”

“Eh, sometimes, if it’s from a new line of toys that a company wants retailers to hype up,” Michael explains. “It helps that my boss Jackie’s wife Kris has a pretty popular blog where she tests and rates toys, so she gets free stuff all the time.”

“Huh,” Alex says. “So I’m guessing you took one after your shift?”

“Oh yeah,” Michael nods. “Tried it out as soon as I got home.”

“How was it?”

“Intense is about the only word that covers it,” Michael answers. “Those vibrations can be really powerful, it was like nothing else I’d ever tried before. Definitely one of my top ten solo orgasms of all time.”

“Not number one?” Alex asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I came in, like, a minute, so no, not quite,” Michael laughs.

“Is that the embarrassing part?” Alex asks. “That you came so fast?”

“Not quite,” Michael winces, his cheeks flushing. “As I was coming, I screamed so loud that the little old lady whose living room is on the other side of my bedroom called the cops on me. Apparently, she thought I was being murdered.”

“Oh no,” Alex laughs, eyes wide.

“Yeah,” Michael agrees. “Not exactly the happy ending I was after.”

Alex laughs again, but there’s heat behind his eyes too when he asks, a moment later, “Not usually a screamer, I take it?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Michael winks.

“Mm,” Alex hums thoughtfully. He looks Michael right in the eye as he asks, “Well, what if I don’t want to get off that fast? What if I want to make it last?”

Michael tries not to smile as he gets back to business.

“Well, I should mention that this massager does also have softer levels of vibration intensity, which I only discovered after Officer ACAB knocked on my door,” Michael says.

Alex laughs before asking incredulously, “You didn’t read the instructions?”

“Uh, no,” Michael admits. “I’m more of a ‘take things apart and see how they work’ kinda guy, I’ve never been big on reading the directions.”

“Even after your little misadventure?” Alex asks.

“Hey, don’t knock my process. I got a fantastic orgasm out of that ‘misadventure,’” Michael reminds him.

“How could I forget?” Alex asks, shooting Michael a look that really tests his self-restraint.

Michael huffs a laugh and reaches up to scratch the back of his own neck so he doesn’t do something stupid, like push Alex against the fucking dildo display and kiss that look off his face.

“So, anyway,” Michael starts, shifting the topic back toward the task at hand, “you can either learn from my mistakes or you can try something that doesn’t have vibrations at all. We’ve got a great selection of dildos in all shapes and sizes.”

“Do any of them come with a story?” Alex asks cheekily.

Michael snickers in spite of himself. “Maybe,” he says noncommittally. “Let’s see what we’ve got in stock.”

Michael hums as he looks over the display, searching for another recommendation he can make, when his eye catches on a purple dildo with ribbing along the shaft.

“This one’s a good starter dildo,” he says, pointing it out. “It’s a pretty modest size, but the ribbing feels really nice and there’s a suction cup on the bottom if you wanna stick it somewhere and fuck yourself onto it. There’s also a few by the same company that have a hole that you can slide a bullet vibrator into if you wanna get something that can do both.”

“Have you tried them all?” Alex asks.

Michael laughs, looking up at the expansive display of dildos. “Not all of them,” he says, glancing over to Alex as he continues, “but the employee discount here is very generous and, as you already know, sometimes we get free shit. I’ve built up a bit of a collection since I started working here.”

“I see,” Alex replies, the corner of his mouth turning up before he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. Michael tracks the movement hungrily when Alex releases it a moment later to ask, “Which one’s your favorite?”

“Depends,” Michael shrugs, aiming for nonchalance even though he can feel himself chubbing up in his jeans.

“On?”

“On how full I wanna feel,” Michael answers, and there’s no mistaking the heat that blazes in Alex’s eyes at those words, nor the sudden intake of breath that fills his chest.

If Alex wants him half as much as it looks like he does, Michael doesn’t even care if he gets fired for where this conversation is headed, so long as it ends with Alex’s hands on him.

“See, sometimes all I’m looking for is enough internal stimulation to get the job done,” Michael elaborates, his eyes watching Alex closely. “When I feel like that, I’ll use that prostate massager I showed you earlier on myself.”

Alex’s eyes flick over to the sleek black toy still sitting on the shelf that they’d just discussed.

“And the other times?” Alex asks when he tears his eyes away.

“Other times… other times I really wanna feel it,” Michael purrs, taking a step closer. Alex’s eyes drop right to his mouth, his tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip, and Michael can’t stop himself from asking, “You ever get like that, Alex? Like you just need something thick and heavy filling you up, so deep you’ll be feeling it for days?”

“Yeah,” Alex rasps.

“You wanna know what I fuck myself with then?” he asks.

Alex nods, eyes still on Michael’s mouth.

Michael gives him a sly grin before he backs up a few steps to find the sample of the eight inch galaxy dildo he treated himself to a few months ago. Alex follows him, as if they’re connected by an invisible string.

“This one,” he says, removing it from the shelf and offering it up for Alex’s inspection.

Alex takes it from him, his eyes passing over it with interest as he tests the give of the silicone with his fingers. Michael wonders if he’s imagining what it would look like inside him. He hopes he is.

“It might not look like much compared to some of the fucking horse cocks we sell here, but it’s thick,” Michael says, his cock hardening further the more he thinks about it, the longer Alex stands there holding it. “Takes me some time to work up to it, but it’s always worth it when I do.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, eyes fixed where he’s shifting his hold on the dildo to measure it’s thickness with his fingers.

“Yeah,” Michael breathes, watching how Alex wraps his thumb and forefinger in a tight circle around the toy. They only just touch around its girth.

Alex hums to himself, sounding pleased, and Michael’s gut churns with the need to hear that sound again.

“I bet this stretches you out nice, huh,” Alex wonders a moment later, and with the way he stares at Michael then, like he’s trying to picture how he would look stuffed full, his rim taught over the silicone, he just knows Alex isn’t speaking generically.

“Yeah, it does,” Michael agrees quietly, trying not to squirm under the intensity of Alex’s gaze.

“How do you use it?” Alex asks him, stoking the flames inside him further.

“If you play your cards right, you just might find out,” Michael shoots back.

“You’d let me watch?” Alex asks, a smile teasing at his lips, and it’s all Michael can do not to get lost in the idea of riding that toy while Alex watches with his hand around his cock.

“Think I’d let you do more than that,” Michael admits.

Alex full-on grins at that, but before he can open his mouth to reply someone clears their throat behind them.

Michael’s heart seizes in his chest as he whips around to see Jenna Cameron, a regular customer and occasional drinking buddy of his, standing with her thumbs tucked into her police-issue gun belt. Michael can feel his erection flag at the sight of her.

“What’s a girl gotta do to get some service around here, Guerin?” Cameron asks, somehow managing to look annoyed and amused simultaneously. He notices there’s a discreet black plastic bag dangling from her fingers. “I’ve got places to be.”

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t hear anyone else come in,” Michael apologizes, trying and failing to keep a blush off his face.

“I can see that,” she answers with a pointed glance at Alex.

Michael takes an instinctive step away from him and clears his throat.

“I’ve gotta—“ he says to Alex, jerking his thumb behind him.

“Yeah,” Alex nods, eyes on his shoelaces. It makes the pleasure that had been coiling in his belly sour further.

“I’ll be right back,” Michael tells him, soft enough that Cameron won’t overhear.

The smile Alex gives him in return is encouraging enough that Michael’s fairly certain he won’t disappear if he leaves, so he follows Cameron back toward the register, all the while pointedly ignoring the smirk he can feel her directing at the side of his face.

He walks around the other side of the cash wrap and crosses his arms over his chest before he asks her, without an ounce of enthusiasm, “What do you want?”

“Damn, you’re really earning that employee of the month trophy aren’t you, Guerin?” she jokes, tossing the bag on the table. “I bought a harness this weekend, but it was broken when I took it out of the box. Receipt’s in the bag.”

Michael takes the box the leather strap-on harness came in out of the bag along with the receipt.

“Do you want a refund or an exchange?”

“Refund,” she says. “I’m thinking about getting one of those strapless ones instead.”

“You should talk to Kris, she’s got opinions about those,” he says as he starts scanning the receipt.

“Oh?” Cameron asks. “Is she here?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “You can catch her at the bondage workshop she’s running later though.”

“Perfect,” she replies before leaning forward onto the counter on her elbows. “So are you gonna tell me who the hottie with the nose ring you were talking to is?”

“Why, so you can find out if he’s got any priors?” Michael jokes, not taking his eyes off his task.

“Very funny,” Cameron deadpans. “You fuck him yet?”

“None of your business,” Michael answers.

“So that’s a no, then,” she smirks, and Michael lets out a long-suffering sigh in response.

“Don’t you have places to be? Donuts to eat?” he asks, pushing her return receipt hastily in her direction.

Before Cameron can answer, the front door swings open and in walks a short middle-aged woman with a dark brown pixie cut carrying an iced coffee and a stack of papers.

Michael startles at the sight of her, realizing it must be later in his shift than he’d thought—exactly how long had he stood there talking to Alex?—but he’s never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Kris!” Michael calls to her. “Perfect timing, Cam’s got some strap-on questions for you.”

“Well, I’ve got some strap-on answers,” Kris answers cheerfully as she walks around them to drop the stack of papers—freshly-printed but yet-to-be-folded safe sex pamphlets, Michael notices—onto the counter next to the second register. “Step into my office, baby girl.”

Cameron shoots Michael a look before she steps to the side to talk to Kris, who’s leaning patiently against the side of the cash wrap.

With Cameron finally out of his hair but Kris close enough to notice him leave, Michael starts planning his escape so he can find Alex again, but it turns out he doesn’t need one. When he looks up after putting Cam’s broken harness in the bin under the counter, he sees the man in question approaching his register with a familiar black box in his hands.

“I was gonna wait for you,” Alex explains as he sets the box on the counter, “but I’m actually supposed to be meeting my brother soon.”

“Shame,” Michael says, wishing they had more time. “I was looking forward to finishing that conversation.”

Alex glances covertly at Kris and Cameron before he leans a hair closer and says, “Don’t know that it was the conversation you were hoping to finish.”

Michael blushes, casting a look at Kris and Cameron to make sure they’re too engrossed in their conversation to notice when he leans in a little further and says, low so only Alex will hear, “What can I say? I’m very committed to customer satisfaction.”

Alex laughs, a bright and happy sound that makes Michael’s heart feel strangely full, before he asks, “You charm all your customers like this?”

“No,” Michael says honestly. “Not even a little bit.”

Alex looks at him for a long minute, trying to spot the lie, and when he finds none he merely shakes his head with an incredulous smile.

“Lucky me,” he says.

Michael winks at him before he turns his attention to the box on the counter, shifting it in his hands until he finds the barcode. He usually never comments on his customers’ purchases, but with this one he simply can’t resist.

“Went with the prostate massager, huh?” Michael asks, as he rings him up.

“What can I say?” Alex answers, a smile creeping onto his face. “You made me curious.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed,” Michael says.

“No,” Alex replies, and the way he looks at him then makes Michael wonder if they’re still talking about the massager. “I don’t think I will.”

Michael smiles at him before he tells him his total. Alex inserts the end of his card in the reader and his receipt prints a brief moment later.

“Can you sign here?” Michael asks, passing Alex the merchant’s copy of his receipt and the green pen he’d been grading with earlier.

“Mhm,” Alex hums, plucking the pen from his fingers and signing his name in a delicate script.

Michael ducks under the counter to find a bag adequately sized for Alex’s purchase before he places the box inside it along with Alex’s copy of the receipt.

“You’re all set,” Michael says, pushing the box in Alex’s direction.

“Thanks,” Alex smiles, holding the merchant copy of the receipt out for Michael to take. “And this is for you.”

Their fingers brush as Michael takes it from him and Michael swears he can feel the tension crackling between them at the simple touch.

“Thanks,” Michael says, mouth a little dry.

Alex glances back to Kris and Cam before he says, “Have a nice day, Michael.”

“You too,” Michael says, his eyes straying pointedly to the black bag in Alex’s hand.

“Oh, I will,” Alex says, one corner of his lips lifting up into a smile before he turns and heads for the door.

Michael can’t help but watch his ass and those broad shoulders as he leaves.

Once Alex is gone, Michael unfolds the receipt Alex left for him. He’s about to slide it into the folder they keep by the register for receipts when he notices the phone number printed neatly beside Alex’s signature. Below, Alex has also written the words: Hit me up if you want to hear my review.

“You strike out?”

Michael startles, looking up to see Cameron leaning on the counter, a lot closer than she was a moment ago. He sees Kris at the far end, folding her papers into pamphlets for her workshop later.

“Not quite,” Michael grins and pockets the receipt.

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[lupismaris]

sorry you’re feeling so crappy 😔 i hope you feel better soon!!

if you’re feeling up to it, maybe silverflinthamiltons on a lake or beach vacation?

SILVERFLINTHAM LAKESIDE HOLIDAY PART 1 with a surprise! and another segment to follow because this is them arriving to the lake!

(this got long so most of it will be under the cut.)

***

It was summer.

Summer meant blistering asphalt and bags of trash stewing on the curb each morning. Hazy sunlight blinding the street, dark cavernous pockets of shade where the temperature seemed to drop ten degrees, but the air stayed stale and suffocating all the same. It meant too many people and too much noise and parties in the park that never seemed to end, one just replacing another in an endless cycle of hedonism, and bottles of chilled wine and cheap beer sweating on the fountain walls. It meant long dinners and longer lunches, ice cream trucks and Italian ice carts on opposite corners of the street carrying on an old world rivalry. It meant golds and blues and lush greens wherever your eyes happened to fall, be it on a back alley garden or storefront window display.

Silver loved summer.

He loved the warmth and the sprawling picnics and the baring of skin and the feral energy of a child free from school amplified to suit a city of millions and the heady summer storms that shook the glittering skyline in a kind of holy cleanse. He loved the summer fruits and the sweet aperitifs and the old school white linen shirts and open fire hydrants flooding the streets and the neon lights reflecting in the puddles left behind, still evaporating in the hot night, giving the whole world an ethereal glow.

Though he had to admit it was always better spent on a beach with a frosted drink and not a goddamn thing to do. But, if a beach couldn’t be procured, a big, cool, well air conditioned house that was paid for by someone else was an excellent alternative. His sister’s condo in Chelsea for instance was an excellent place to waste away a summer on parties and sun bathing and a private pool that no one else seemed to have the time to use. He had spent several summers with Max that way, even once the Rangers had become part of the picture, if Silver was on the east coast for the summer, he would drop in and waste away a while.

Now though, it looked like summers were going to be spent in Brooklyn, in the big cool townhouse that Thomas had paid for, with the truly miraculously internal air con that was always kept at a balmy 65 degrees from May to October, and with very little to do outside of whatever suited his fancy on any given day. Oh and sex, a lot of sex. This would be the first summer in a very long time where he could not only allow himself a libido, but he could also satiate it.

Silver was thoroughly content with the new circumstances.

He was less content however, with how the summer months, or maybe just the summer months in the city, seemed to bring out the worst in people as frequently as it did the best.

Flint, for example, did not handle summers as well as Silver did. In part it was due to the heat and the sun and the weird smells coming off the steamy side walks, and Silver understood Flint’s frustration with all that, he truly did. But summer also meant more tourists and more people going out for a good time, more people starting brawls in bars and fights in the street and parties spilling over from one bar to the next, or worse packs of bigots making the rounds and harassing whomever they find, everything the working class service folks of the city dreaded- in short, Flint’s stress levels seemed to just rise with the temperature. And considering an average day in July might easily crack 100, Silver was starting to get a tad worried.

“Is it like this every summer?” Silver had asked one Friday morning in June.

The kitchen was soft with the morning sunlight, Thomas in his silk night shirt and robe as he perused the menu for the cafe on the corner, Silver fixing them each an espresso.

“To a point yes. You know how James is about control,” Thomas said with a fond smile, “when he’s at his best he can combat every threat to his sovereignty without so much as flinching. But the summer gets to him, makes him a bit of a wolf in a cage, so to speak.”

“Was he worse in Manhattan?” the buildings sometimes reminded Silver of a cell block, the slivers of sunlight cutting through as hot as cattle prods.

“Much. Hal has tried talking him into not working as much in the summer, but you know how he is, can’t be told anything once he’s got his mind made up. Not to mention he’s never been good at simply existing. There always has to be purpose in it, work to be done, fields to plow and what not.”

Silver huffed a laugh and brought Thomas’ espresso over, feeling a sense of warmth at the notion that he and Thomas were able to share this, to share flint and all his eccentricities.

“I’m sure a man as clever as you thought of some way to keep his blood pressure down, hm?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. Thomas took the espresso cup without looking away from the menu. He set it aside and pulled Silver in, kissing him sweetly in thanks. Ah, that was also a nice thing to share with Thomas, Silver reminded himself.

“Oh I came up with a few ideas, pet. How about we order breakfast, and I’ll tell you about them.”

By Friday, the three of them were packed into Flint’s old Range Rover heading upstate for two weeks of holiday bliss. It had taken multiple phone calls to Gates to make sure the bar would in fact be alright while Flint was gone and to make sure he barred Flint from being within a dozen yards of The Walrus once it closed on Thursday night. It had also taken coaxing, convincing, bartering, and eventually outright bribery with sex to get Flint to stop scowling about the idea of being away from his “ship” for longer than a weekend. There had been other phone calls as well, placed by Thomas in the early hours of the morning when he thought he was the only one awake. When asked about them he just waved the questions away with a mild, “oh just a little extra surprise for James thats all” and Silver did his best to trust him.

It was a five hour drive from the house in Brooklyn to the house on Lake Cayuga that Thomas had purchased during his recovery, to he and Flint would have a quiet place to heal and make up for lost time without the strain of the city grating on them. Silver had never been upstate, his various clients had always preferred houses in the Hamptons, but from the photos it was a cozy little cottage style house right on the shore, a couple bedrooms, an airy kitchen, lush garden, and a private pier that stretched out into the lake. There was also apparently a boat, a little hybrid sailboat of polished wood and deep blue paint, the name Ariel written in careful golden script. Silver wanted to ask whether Flint had bought it or built it, because he was the kind of high strung man to just build a boat from scratch instead of buying one or scheduling extra therapy. But the scowl on his face as they tucked the suitcases into the trunk told him it wasn’t worth the teasing. Not yet anyway.

Flint insisted on driving the whole five hours himself, scowling silently behind the wheel as he drove them through miles of lush farmland, leaving Thomas and Silver to chat about what they might do once they get settled in. There was plenty of hiking, though Thomas was worried the gorges might be tricky for Silver’s regular prosthetic, ample water falls and countless parks to explore. Lots of quaint small towns with seafood shacks and local fare and more wineries than even Thomas knew what to do with. And of course, most importantly, there was the lake.

Flint kept his silence till the last hour of the ride, the scowl firmly set on his jaw. Silver and Thomas had switched seats so Thomas could stretch out and nap in the back seats, leaving Silver to try and coax a smile out of his partner. Not that he had to do much. As the car climbed yet another rolling hill, Silver watched the horizon, his hand in Flint’s, trying to figure out whether the deep blue streak that had suddenly appeared was a dark patch of sky.

It wasn’t, for the record.

Silver frowned and turned to Flint, planning to ask if it was the lake and exactly how big was said lake- but the question died well before he could even open his mouth.

The scowl was gone, dropped from Flint’s face and replaced by the softest look of wonder Silver had ever seen on the man, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, making his mustache twitch. It was as if something had hooked its line into Flint’s chest and was slowly reeling him in, his whole body sitting straighter, the tension in his shoulders bleeding out until he was leaning into the steering wheel. His hand even held tighter to Silver’s, an unconscious need to keep himself tethered maybe, or to keep Silver close.

“Is that the lake?” Silver managed to ask with a soft smile of his own.

“Yeah. We’ll be at the cabin in half an hour.”

They got there in twenty minutes, not that anyone was actually counting.

The lake stretched out before them, a sea of deep blues and aquamarines, glittering with the hot late June sunlight that danced across it’s surface. It’s shores were patched with wildflowers and thick thatches of wood, little clusters of cabins and boat houses, who’s owners were out skipping across the surface like dragon flies on their small boats and kayaks. The afternoon air was hazy and sweet, the whole scene a postcard from the mythical summers of memory that everyone aspired to, bird song and the low hum of the radio escorting them along the final stretch of route 90. Flint pulled them down a narrow side road, passing a few comfortably sized homes with ample space between them, until they reached the dead end of the street, and the little cottage Silver had seen in the photos, with the shadow of the pier dark across the water, and the Ariel waiting like a loyal dog in her berth.

“Oh good,” Thomas said with a yawn, finally pulling himself back into a sitting position and stretching, as Flint pulled the car into the drive alongside what looked like a rental car. “I was starting to think we were lost.”

Silver looked back at him, ready to tease about old men and naps, but Thomas was looking down at his phone, his fingers quickly switching on the stop watch. “Thomas what-”

The range rover lurched to a sudden stop as Flint hit the brakes and Silver had to cling to the seat to keep himself upright. Thomas seemed completely unfazed, draped across the back seat in his half buttoned linen shirt and designer sunglasses, watching with an air of fond expectation as Flint threw on the parking brake and booked it from the car, leaving the engine running.

“What the fuck is he doing?” Silver asked.

Thomas laughed and reached around the driver’s seat to shut the car off. “Exactly what I expected him to do, though I’ll admit I expected him to at least properly stop the car first.”

“What? Thomas- oh my god he’s going in the lake?” Silver asked, watching as Flint cleared the back fence and striped off his shirt, leaving it on the lawn as he kept moving towards the pier. His boots, socks, and jeans followed, barely breaking his quick stride to strip them off.

“Last time it took him a whole ten minutes to get into the water,” Thomas said, helping Silver, who was too busy staring in shock at the sight of his stern and stoic partner racing across the back patio like a child, from the car. “He might clear five minutes this time.”

A few more quick strides and Flint dove from the end of the pier, breaking the surface of the lake with a thunderous sound and disappearing into the blue.

“He’s in the lake,” Silver said.

Thomas hooked their arms together, the two of them walking leisurely across the lawn. “Every visit, the first thing he does is go to the water. It’s even more dramatic when it’s the ocean, maybe I’ll book us a house on the coast next month.”

“More dramatic than stripping down to his boxers in the back yard?” he asked.

The back lawn of the house was a mix of a large patio and and a short green, with a fire pit and a grill, a small dining table and some cozy chairs, and what silver hoped was a hot tub. A woman was stretched out on one of the long beach chairs in a deep green bikini, her dark hair cut short and a magazine across her lap, though she was watching the water, where Flint had just resurfaced for a moment before diving again.

“Miranda?” Silver called, aware that Thomas was beaming behind him but not at all surprised to see his ex wife. That explained the phone calls, and the rental car out front.

“I believe our husband is in the lake my dears,” Miranda called with a laugh, getting up to come greet them. “God he’s like a little boy at a swimming hole.”

“I’d ask how you got here but that seems almost silly,” Silver said, letting her pull him into a tight hug. They had taken to each other from the first, which had left Thomas and Flint a little uneasy. Miranda’s humor matched his, her wit sharp and familiar, and Silver had learned very quickly why Flint and Thomas were both still in love with her. He wasn’t far from it himself.

“Thomas called, said James needed an intervention,” She said, letting him go to kiss Thomas hello and hug him tight. “I’m on break from teaching this summer and the fall concert season hasn’t started yet, could I come out and join you for a couple weeks? Which was a silly question, I was buying a ticket the moment he suggested it.”

Thomas kissed the top of her head, smiling brightly. “I had hoped you might be his surprise before he jumped in the lake, I’m sorry my dear.”

Silver watched them, feeling a bit dizzy. They were were a perfect pair, Miranda dark and elegant under Thomas’ arm, the cool dusk sky to Thomas’ golden hour sun.

“Don’t be, I’ll go down to him, maybe join him in the water for a bit.” She kissed his cheek, then Silver’s. “There’s some snacks laid out in the kitchen and dinner will be delivered in a couple hours, why don’t you get the bags inside and then come join us. Maybe we can even take Ariel out before dinner.”

“Oh now there’s an idea,” Thomas agreed, moving to go back and fetch the bags from the car. “Tell our husband we’ll join you in a moment. If you can manage to get him up for air.”

Miranda laughed, a bright sunny sound that always reminded Silver of how she played piano, and made her way down to the pier. He watched as she sat down on the edge of the pier, as the surface of the water broke and Flint emerged, staring up at her in shock. Silver heard her laughing, saw her reach out and watched as Flint reached up and pulled her into the lake with a joyful shout of her name. They were lost for a moment to the water, kicking up waves as Flint held her tight and danced them around, clumsy and free. Behind him Silver could hear Thomas laughing, felt his hand as it came to rest warm and sure on his lower back, pulling him in close, as he said something about wishing they’d gotten that on film.

For Silver, it was one of those moments where suddenly he remembered what all those old love songs were written about. He understood it.

And it was finally his.

[samdeancass]

Bruises

Requested by: Anonymous

Pairing: Derek x Mccall!reader

Genre: Fluff, implied smut, tiny bit of angst, Humour

Characters: Derek, Y/N, Scott, Stiles

Descriptuon: Derek and Y/N have a bit of a rough sex life. When Scott finds bruises on his little sisters arms, he and Stiles try to figure out what could have happened. When they find out Y/N’s secret, they go and confront Derek.

You had been keeping a HUGE secret from your brother, Scott. You were in a relationship with his frenemy, Derek. You didn’t want Scott to find out, knowing how he would react. You didn’t plan on him finding out anytime soon, but your secret began to unravel the day Scott found bruises on your arm

You and Derek had been sneaking around with each other for quite a few months now. You both had to be careful that Scott didn’t find out, as Scott and Derek haven’t been on the best of terms recently. 

You have a very rough sex life with Derek. Even though he doesn’t mean to, he leaves bruises on you after a very rough sex session. You had to try extra hard to cover up these bruises so nobody would figure out what was going on, or get the wrong idea. This is why, on a very hot summers day, you were wearing a long sleeve shirt. The bruises Derek left on you from the night before were the worst yet. There was no way you could cover those up with make up.

Scott became very confused when he seen you walk out of your room in a long sleeve shirt, as he knows you always complain when it’s too hot and never wear anything that doesn’t coincide with the weather.

“Err, Y/N. You do know that it’s like, 100 degrees outside?” Scott tilted his head to the side, wondering what on earth could possess you to wear what you were wearing.”Yeah, and?” You continued to walk down the hallway to the stairs, hoping to shake Scott away from his question. “Well, I’m just wondering why you’re wearing a shirt like that in a temperature like this?”. You stopped halfway down the stairs and turned behind you to face him. “ To be honest, I really can’t feel the temperature today. I guess I’m getting sick.” You turned around and continued down the stairs. Scott shrugged and walked after you.

You stopped in the kitchen to grab your lunch to put it in your bag. As you put it in, your sleeve rolled up and showed the dark purple bruises on your forearms. Looking around, you slowly rolled them back down, relieved that nobody seen the markings. You zipped up your bag and walked out the door to your car, leaving Scott very confused and a little angry at who, or what, could have left those markings on your arms.

When Stiles came to pick up Scott for school, Scott was still thinking about the markings on your arms and decided to ask Stiles for some advice. “Hey, Stiles. I seen some bruises on Y/N’s arms this morning and I’m a little worried about her. I want to find out what’s happened to have caused them”.

Stiles turned to Scott with wide eyes. Even though you were Scott’s little sister, Stiles always thought of you as his little sister to. He is just as protective of you as Scott is, and will not let anything happen to you. “What do you mean ‘bruises’? You don’t think somebody could be abusing her do you? Maybe a boyfriend that we don’t know about?”

Scott’s werewolf senses kicked in then and his eyes flashed red. “I hope not, otherwise I’ll have to go against my ‘no killing humans’ rule.” 

Stiles started to think about how they could find out who this ‘mystery boyfriend’ is and came up with an idea. “Well, instead of becoming a rage-fuelled murderous werewolf, how about we just tail Y/N for today and find out who she is hanging out with, maybe then we’ll find this boyfriend we know nothing about.”

Scott nodded in agreement and they carried on the journey to school in silence.

All throughout the day, Scott and Stiles tailed you, discussing who could be putting those bruises on you. Scott was becoming more angry as the day went on. He wanted to find out who the monster was who was doing this to you, and give them a good punch. 

By the end of the day, Scott was furious and began to punch Stiles’s jeep in frustration. “Dude, my jeep!”. Scott turned around to him and flashed his eyes at Stiles. “At this moment, I don’t care about you’re frickin’ jeep!”. Stiles backed away from Scott with his hands up in surrender and looked around to the entrance of the school were he spotted you getting into a car. “Dude, calm down. Look over there, Y/N’s getting into a car. It looks so familiar, I just can’t think of who owns a disgusting car like that. They really should think about buying a jeep....” As Stiles began to ramble, Scott looked up and peered at the car, instantly recognising who was driving. “Stiles, shut up and get into the jeep. I know who’s driving.”

As both Scott and Stiles scrambled into the jeep to follow the car, Scott’s breathing was becoming more and more heavy with anger and his eyes began to turn to a darker shade of red. “So, Scott. Care to share who it is who’s driving that car with your sister inside.” 

Scott looked out the window and tried to compose himself before he said his name. “It’s Derek. Derek is hitting my sister. I am going to beat the ever living lights out of him.” Stiles tried his best to keep himself calm while also trying to keep Scott calm enough to still safely drive.

When Derek’s car pulled into the parking lot of his apartment block, Derek spotted the jeep in his rear view mirror and groaned, hitting his head on the steering wheel. “Y/N. Your brother and that annoying pest he calls a friend have been following us.” Eyes widening, you looked out of the back of the car, and sure enough, there was the big bulk of a jeep parked right behind you. 

Scott and Stiles got out of the jeep, just as you and Derek got out of the car. Stiles ran towards you and grabbed you, pulling you back to the jeep. “STILES! What are you doing?” “It’s Ok, Y/N. You’re safe now.” You pulled away from Stiles’ grasp and looked up at him. “I was already safe, you idiot!” Stiles looked at you, a look of dread washing over his face. “Ooooohhhh! We seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. We thought that Derek was hitting you.” “WHAT?!” You looked behind you and seen Scott making his way towards Derek.

“What gives you the right to hit my sister? What has she ever done to you? She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that!” Scott was furious at this point, even more so when Derek looked at Scott in a confused way. “Scott, what the hell are you talking about? I have never hit Y/N. I would never dream of it.” Derek spotted you in the background and gave you a very soft smile. “I seen the bruises on Y/N’s arms this morning. How in the hell do you explain those?”.

At the mention of the bruises, you could feel your face going bright red. You knew exactly where this conversation was leading. You walked over to Scott and pulled him away from Derek, before he could act on his anger. “Scott, me and Derek are together, we have been for a while. I didn’t want to do this here, but those bruises that you seen, they aren’t from him hitting me, they are from the intimate act people do when they are in love.” You whispered this to Scott, not wanting the whole town of Beacon Hills to know what you do behind closed doors. Scott tilted his head to the side and squinted his eyes. “Intimate act?”.

“Sex, Scott. Sex. Those bruises are from me and your sister having sex. There, ya happy?” Derek heard the whole conversation thanks to his werewolf hearing and was becoming increasingly bored with Scott’s naivety to the ‘intimate acts’.

Scott’s face quickly became red and began to stumble over his words. “Oh, er, ok. Sorry.” He quickly scurried away to Stiles before the situation could become even more awkward. 

“That was mortifying! I definitely didn’t want Scott to find out this way. He is literally going to keep me under lock and key after finding out about what we get up to.” You walked over to Derek and placed your head on his chest and moaned in frustration. 

“Well, looks like I’m going to have to keep you all to myself then, doesn’t it?” Derek growled and chased you into the apartment block, leading the best sex you have ever had.

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Beat the Heat

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom hasn’t had to worry about another guy taking Y/N away...but the heat? Well that’s a story worth telling.

A/N: Only 1 more part left after this?! 🥺 Definitely not trying to prolong the wait on this just so QS can live on.

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night | Silence is Golden? | Birthday Date Night | Orinthophobia

Masterlist

Summer in London was anything but hot. It was your typical short, comfortable, partly cloudy type of summer with periods of rain here and there. It’s rarely below 60’s and never went over the 100’s. However one stubborn week in July turned out to be the hottest week London had ever seen. Forget high 90’s, the area’s temperature would push to 104 degrees that London itself might as well test postive for Cornavirus. For Tom, Y/N, Harrison, Harry, and Tuwaine, it was going to be a game of survival of the fittest.

“I swear global warming is a thing. This heat, the pandemic...It’s the end of the world!” Tuwaine groans as he desperately fans himself with his hand.

“Relax you drama queen.” Tom replies, as he sets up the air conditioner. “Okay so according to the Nest. If I just tilt the circle to left, it should turn the AC on in about 10 minute.” He states, reading the instructions aloud in hopes that cooling device works as expected.

“Well that was easy. So as long as we all stay inside and hydrated, we should be fine and there wont be any need for hand fanning.” Y/N justifies as she looks at Tuwaine, who was still fanning himself with his own hand.

“What? I sweat a lot when Im hot. Im just doing my part.” Tuwaine defends, as he shrugs his shoulder. “When the ten minutes pass and the air is on, I’ll stop fanning.”

Surprisingly, the air conditioner was working as expected! Tom had never felt so proud of himself, that it was all he talked about for the remainder of the day to everyone in the household. Especially since Y/N’s career was all so focused on technology. Tom wanted to make her proud and show that he too can handle techy stuff on his own. “See Y/N, I programmed the Nest all by myself, and I even downloaded the app so I can change the temperature from my phone no matter where I am.” He gloats proudly. “If you feel hot when Im away in Berlin, you can call me and I’ll lower the temp for you.”

Y/N rolls her eyes while she laughs at her fiance’s nerdiness. Of course she knew just about anyone could figure out how to work a nest, but Tom was so proud of what he’s accomplished, she couldn’t really stop him from celebrating his personal victory. “What about me? If I get hot will you turn down the temp for me when you’re in Berlin?” Harrison mocked, as he batted his eyelashes to his best mate.

“You have a phone. You can do it yourself.” Tom says bluntly as he comes around to Y/N’s side on the couch.

“So does she!” Harrison points, accusingly.

“Yeah...but it’s Y/N.” Tom points out, speaking as if it was the most obvious reason.

Harrison turns his face back to the television shaking his head, mumbling “Whipped.” with a slight smirk.

Tom did not hesitate to throw an extremely large pillow toward his best friend before saying, “Of course I am, you div. That’s why I proposed to her and not you.”

Later that night, Y/N and Tom had already cuddled into bed, falling into a deep slumber...Well one more than the other. It got extremely hot for Y/N as she noticed the change in atmosphere. The air felt much warmer, her body feeling slick and sticky from her sweat. The heavy comforter, Tom’s arm wrapped around her body, and his warm breath behind her neck were making her extremely uncomfortable. It wasn’t odd for Y/N to move a little in her sleep. Tom was very much aware of that the moment they spent their first night together, but it was rare that she’d push him off and face the other side with no blankets covering her.

Tom felt an emptiness in his arms, and no extra weight on his legs and waist. Something was definitely off for him, and he lazily put his hand out to feel for Y/N with his eyes still closed. “Y/N?” He grumbled in his sleep, trying to cuddle back to her. “Why...you move?”

“Too hot.” Y/N mumbled back as she pushed him away again. “AC broken.”

“Fuck.” Tom groans, as both tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, it was nearly impossible for Tom to go back to sleep. Not only was it extremely hot, but he didnt have Y/N on top of him. A position he’s so used to sleeping in his own bed. He certainly wasn’t going to let a good 8 hours of sleep do him dirty like this. He rolled off the bed, as he padded his barefeet on the hardwood floor. Tom went downstairs finding exactly what he needed, carrying the bulk slowly as to minimize the noise and avoid dropping them.

He makes it back to his room, where Y/N rolled on her side snoring peacefully. Tom shook his head smiling at how adorable she looked even though it was probably way too early and dark to even make that assumption, but there was no need. He knew Y/N always looked beautiful to him even on her worst days. Tom plugged the two fans in, turning it to the highest setting. Air was blasting through the fans as it turned rapidly. The room that was once hot and sticky, was now cool and refreshing. In fact it started to get so much cooler, Y/N could feel the goosebumps on her arms. Her eyes were still closed but she instinctively turned on her other side, facing Tom. “Mm. It’s cold.” She mumbles in her sleep.

Tom smiles at her, slowly lifting her leg onto his and pulling her close. “I know darling. Come ‘ere. I’ll keep you warm.” His arm was now wrapped her waist, and he smiled even brighter in victory. As if a broken AC was ever going to prevent Tom’s cuddling sleep with Y/N. Broken house appliances should know about Tom is that when it comes to Y/N...if there’s a will, there’s a way.

The next morning, Y/N and the boys had already made their way to the kitchen, installing mini fans around the house. Tom was the last to come down after his victorious slumber, where he was greeted by a sacastic applause from his best mates. “Well done, Tom. Absolutely smashed it with the AC.” Harry cheers, sweat already drippin from his forehead.

“Yeah and nice going stealing the fans last night.” Harrison laughed, chiming in.

“Oh piss off.” Tom scowls at his younger brother, making his way to the Nest. “I don’t understand. I followed the directions.” He groans trying to check what went wrong.

YN popped up from the back, phone in hand. “Well sorry boys, looks like we wont have a working AC until the end of this week.”

“What?!” The three boys shot up in unison.

“Yeah, the AC’s parts are really old, but the electric company said that they can order new ones today and have it installed on Friday..so no worries guys. We’ll all just sleep downstairs in the meantime, till then.”

They all groaned loudly, like the drama queens they were, making their own way. Tom comes up behind Y/N. “Uhh that totally defeats the whole purpose of why I put those mini fans in our room last night.” He objected with a cheeky smile his face.

“Thomas Stanely Holland. You do not steal fans for yourself just so you have an excuse to cuddle me in your sleep.” She teasingly chastises, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Steal?! I’ll have you know I don’t steal fans..I gain them.” He wiggles his eyebrows ar Y/N, making her laugh. “Plus don’t act liek you didn’t love cuddling with me last night to protect you from the cold.”

“Stop. That’s too cheesy.” She snorts, trying to walk away from him.

“Make me, darling.” He dares, holding her in place as he continues to wiggle his eyebrows.

Y/N smiles at him, her hands slowly making their face to both sides of his face. His eyes closes, as she gently strokes on side of his cheekbone down to his jawline. She leans ever so slowly into him, just barely touching his lips. Toms arms around her loosen, ready to lift her chin up just so their lips could close the painful tiny distance of air. It was then Y/N took her shot, and ran away from Tom, yelling at Harrison that Tom was going to steal the fans for himself.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Tom yells out, chasing after Y/N.

“No that’s called being clever.” Y/N cackles, poorly mocking her fiance’s British accent.

“God I cant wait for this AC to start working again.” Tom groans as he makes his way after Y/N.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @parkerspillow @joyleenl @kihyunwifes @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @marvelobsessedteenager @viwihere

[cutie1365]

God i need to fucking rant about this bitch. How do I always get stuck with the shittiest fucking roommates man.

I’m tired of two faced bitches who say one thing to you and turn around and do the complete opposite.

Why can logic and common sense not get through to this bitch????

First her mother destroys my furniture by fucking spray painting it! Spray paint! Without my knowledge or permission! These fucking back woods idiots who wouldn’t know their head from their ass.

They moved all my boxes and furniture without me knowing and left shit everywhere and somehow my shit ended up in their car six hours away and if I wasn’t on my shit they would have stolen it and I would have never gotten it back.

All my furniture was damaged from them throwing it about and leaving it in the hot sun outside. My TV was laying in the yard for an hour unwatched in 100 degree heat. How it wasn’t stolen is beside me.

Then this bitch thinks it’s smart to have a 145lb dog and leave us to watch it while she works 12 hour shifts. We’re not ur fucking babysitter.

And when we tell her it’s not our responsibility to watch her dog SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO YELL AT ME. Talking bout how we knew she had a dog. Yeah bitch YOU have a dog, not me. Not my other roommates. Your fucking dog. Not our job to babysit and let it out to piss and see what’s wrong when she’s crying locked in her shoe box room.

She agreed to wipe the dogs paws when she brings her in from outside so we don’t track the dirt into the house. Before we moved in we discussed this. She said YEAH NO PROBLEM. Then when she never once did it- we said what happened to that huh we talked about that. She says “Why would I do that? It’s a dog we’re gonna get dirt inside”. Bitch I know you live in a fucking pigsty in the middle of butt fuck no where but here we don’t want to be stepping in mug and grass in our fucking living room.

She said she’d sweep up after the dog a few times a week because she SHEDSSS like crazy. Yeah she’s never once swept and when we brought that up she says “we’re not gonna have a spotless house what do u expect”. Bitch the other three of us are cleaning up after ur ass all the time. You may be used to living in filth because you’ve never cleaned anything a day in your life, but we like to not collect a pile of dog hair on our feet just from walking from one end of the living room to the other.

So she yells, and I don’t take shit so I yell back. Bottom line, take care of your own dog we’re not doing it for you.

She’s also killing the poor dog. She’s locked up without peeing for 12 hours a day, gets no exercise. She never talks her. Then when she comes home she lets her out then goes into her room and falls asleep so the dog basically is in the tiny room 24 hours a day with no exercise. She’s a fucking Great Dane. The room is so small she can only lay on the bed all day.

And she feeds her 20 count Chickfila Chicken nuggets. That’s so bad! And this is a regular thing. Not like a treat every once and a while. Human food all the time. The dog won’t eat her dry food anymore. She’ll just dump whatever’s in the fridge into the bowl. I once saw her feed the dog tortilla soup. TORTILLA SOUP.

Here’s the fucking kicker- SHES TRYING TO BE A VET. This woman is killing her own dog and she thinks she can go take care of others.

She also has the vocabulary and reading comprehension skills of a 2nd grader and you think you can survive higher education. She thinks she’s fucking god and shits on people in liberal arts colleges or other degrees besides hers, yet she can’t write a two page paper.

She needs to realize she has 3 other roommates. We talked about keeping the common space free of clutter and personal items so that everyone can use it and it stays clean. She agreed. Then she put a huge fucking dog bed in the living room after we explicitly said were putting a big plant here. (The dog has never sat in it because it’s locked in the room all day). And so when my roommates propose a compromise of leaving the bed in her room and taking it out when she’s sitting out in the living room she said “no, I’m not budging). You fucking cunt. She’s doing it just to pisss me off I swear. It has never been used, it is a waste of space, we are putting something else in that spot, it’s ugly, and it SMELLS.

HER WHOLE ROOM SMELLS SO BAD THAT IT LINGERS INTO HALF THE LIVING ROOM. And her room is right by the front door so it hits u right when u walk in. I swear I think that dogs peeing in her room. You’d think someone died in there.

The dog vomits and has diarrhea alll the time cuz she feeds her shit. That poor dog is gonna die because she’s neglecting her.

AND THEN

AND THEN

The day after this conversation of “you haven’t followed thru on any of the things we agreed on before and the dog is ur responsibility not ours, we’re not taking care of it for you”.... SHE BLOCKS ME ON TWITTER.

My other roommate wakes me up to show me she turned her twitter private and kicked me off then posted some big rant and said “Friendly reminder that NO ONE has the right to not treat you with kindness. You are loved, appreciated, and deserve to be here as much as anyone else. In the midst of this pandemic, cut out those who provide anything other than support and positive energy”.

What fucking baffles me is that my other two roommates were by my side and we all said the same thing so why she’s singling me out is beside me. And how can us saying “we’re worried for the health of ur pet because she’s locking in a room all day and needs to pee” is negative energy. Kill ur fucking dog for all we care then bitch, we brought up our concern now it’s on you.

It’s been a fucking month. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.

And she’s one of those people who has family money then turns around and says she’s poor and her family’s poor and she had to help buy them groceries this summer. Then turn around and buy a $2,000 ring for fun. She has small town money where they have those ugly checkered Louis vutton bags and she wants gucci boots, but then she’s like idk I don’t have money for groceries I can’t contribute.

And I know in the end everything will work out. Because she’ll go right back to living in that small as town and never leave. But dear lord please don’t let her be a vet. Spare those poor animals. It’s not their fault she’s a brainless fuckup.

And like if she was just dumb, fine. She can’t help that. But then she wants to turn it around and act like she’s a fucking genius and everyone is below her.

AND I FOUND OUT SHE VOTED FOR TRUMPPPPP.

Kill me. Just kill me.

I guess I’ll update y’all cuz I’m sure she’ll do more dumb shit soon and I need to rant because it physically PAINS me how angry I get. Like a knot in my chest how she can’t see logic or common sense.

OO and after her mom painted my furniture... because they had damaged it and instead of telling me and offering to help fix it. They took it out of my room and spray painted it (the wrong color and just let it drip if anyone knows how to properly use spray paint). So I told her hey just letting u know that really upset me, I know it was ur mom and not you and you probably didn’t know it happened, but I’m mad and it will take me a few days to get over it. Just so she’s not like Oo why is she mad at me why’s she not talking to me. And she was like I completely understand my mom feels really bad I’m so sorry I didn’t know she did that. Ok we’re all good go about our days.

THEN I find out from my other roommate that she had talked to her and was like Idk why she’s mad, I’m mad that she’s mad. BITCH. What if I took ur furniture out of ur room and decided to spray paint some random lines on it in a different color. I had to sand and repaint it (with fucking paint not spray paint because why the fuck would u do that).

I’m bout to catch a charge lol I get so headed just remembering it.

So yeah if y’all wanna give me some validation that I’m not crazy and this isn’t normal behavior please do, I’m spiraling.

This was a long ass rant but this is my life.

Any witches out there wanna manifest her coming to her senses or moving out and still paying her rent lol that would be great.

Karma honey, nows ur time to shine. Take care of it

[rae-arts777]

Makoto X Abby

@ray564 @miss-morgue-ndorffer

Abby asked him out first, Makoto thought she was joking and laughed. Abby beat him up.

Their first date was pretty awkward. They were both shy and nervous, so it was a lot of “so...how’s the food..?” “Good..” “cool..” Cythina and Laurent also stalked them and were dying of cringe.

Abby wasted no time, all his clothes became her clothes the moment he agreed to date her.

When Makoto is gone, Abby will spend the day wearing his clothes of course, and hugging the pillow he uses until he comes back.

Makoto tried to be supportive of her rock climbing adventures, but heights freak him out too much. Abby is happy he tried, they stick to hiking for outdoor activities.

They still send pictures of flipping each other off. Sometimes Makoto catches her off guard and will send a picture of half a heart asking her to finish it. Sometimes he receives another half, or just another flip off and a very flustered Abby.

Abby is very independent, so it took getting use to relying on someone else when her and Makoto got serious.

Makoto wanted them to move in together but Abby wasn’t ready, she was scared. She freaked out and disappeared for a week. When she came back, Makoto was both worried and upset. They sat down and had a very long conversation about their relationship.

Abby hates having serious talks, about their relationship and each other. Makoto does get fustrated but he always tries to understand where she’s coming from.

They did go on a break for a few months, mainly because Abby was scared and didn’t know if was ready for what Makoto wanted. In those few months they still stayed close friends. Finally Abby realized that she couldn’t run anymore. She ran back to him, and Makoto was waiting with open arms

When they first move in together, the bed was too small. Abby kicks and moves in her sleep a lot. Makoto is a blanket hogger. Sometimes they end up bickering cause Abby either kicked or punched him awake, or Makoto is stealing all the blankets.

At first Abby hated cuddling, she wasn’t use to someone holding her in such a manner. However, the way Makoto held her was nice. She’ll never say it to his face, but she loves him cuddling her. Sometimes she’s the big spoon, but she loves to be the little spoon.

Abby loves to lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. She loves it when he plays with her hair. She gets flustered when he starts covering her in pecks. She hates and loves how Makoto makes her feel so vulnerable.

The first time “I love you” was used was in passing. Abby said it first and completed frozen up. “I’m leaving to work” “ok love you. !!!” They both just stared at each other super red. Makoto finally was able to mustard up the courage to go “I love you too!” And darted out red. Abby screamed into her hands and was stomping super flustered.

Abby let her hair grown long a bit. She asked him if he preferred her with long hair. He told her he loves her hair no matter how length it was. So she cut it short again.

Abby does worry that Makoto wants her more feminine. Sometimes she’ll try, being more “girly”. Makoto knows went she starts acting like that, that something in wrong. He reminds her he fell in love with her the way she is, and that she doesn’t have to change herself for him.

Makoto sometimes needs Abby to remind him to not let people walk all over him. She’s always there to give him support to stand up for himself or she’ll just threaten whoever is trying to use her man.

Abby is the more jealous one. She hates watching girls flirting or throwing themselves at Makoto. She’ll cling to his side throwing a death girl at the girl, or start kissing him to get people to back off.

Abby can pick him up easily. But Makoto loves to pick her up bridal style or carry her on his back.

If Makoto isn’t giving her enough attention, Abby will jump on his back and cling to him until he gives her attention.

Makoto taught her how to cook. She loves cooking now. She always stares when he eats to make sure he likes it.

Makoto likes to come up behind her and hug her from behind. He just like to hold her. “What do you want?” “Nothing, just keep doing what you’re doing”

Abby usually doesn’t prefer being lovely dovy in public. It’s embarrassing to her. But behind close doors, she’s extremely loving.

They play fight a lot. Either wrestling or tickling. Makoto tries to catch her off guard and kiss her. Abby is smart, she’ll let him think he has the upper hand, and then pin him down laughing.

Abby walked in on him trying on one of her skirts. He freaked out and thought she was going to dump him. “Hang on I have a nice top to go with that” and she ended up doing his makeup as well.

When they go out, sometimes Abby prefers to wear a suit then a dress. Makoto loves anything she wears, everytime he sees her dressed up all he can do is go “wow”

It’s no surprise that both of them are hot heads and both have some trust issues. It does take long for fights to turn into screaming matches. One of them always ends up storming out. And one of them always ends up crying.

If Makoto stormed out he walks around the block until he’s calmed down. He will text her before he comes back if she’s ready to talk or not.

If Abby stormed out, she ends up walking around to clear her head too. Or she’ll hit some or kick to get her anger out. When she’s ready to come back, she’ll slowly come back inside and see how Makoto is doing. Depending on his facial expression, she can tell if he’s ready to talk. If he’s not when she comes back, the two will just ignore each other until Makoto is ready to talk.

Talks after fights take a long time. Sometimes they sit in silence for an hour, staring the floor, or their hands. Finally someone will speak up, and they will have their talk and then apolgize. Sometimes no words need to be spoken. They just lay in each other’s arms until they fall asleep.

Makoto sometimes comes home late. Abby will be sleeping on the couch or head on the table cause she was waiting for for him. He’ll carry her to bed and then get ready for bed himself.

When Abby comes home late, Makoto is already in bed. She’ll get ready for bed and crawl into his arms, exhausted after a long day.

Abby works in the coffee shop when she can. She’s also currently working on getting a degree at a community college.

Makoto has a drink in his shop named “desert flower”, also a nickname he callls Abby. Abby finds it super embarrassing.

Lazy days, like rainy, or super cold days, Abby will cling to him whining, begging him not to go into work and stay in. Sometimes Makoto gives in.

Abby gets cold easily, so she depends on Makoto’s body heat to warm her up. Of course during the summer that’s a problem, Makoto whining that it’s too hot to cuddle, Abby not caring and clinging to him saying she cold.

They ended up moving to a bigger apartment since the other one was becoming to small for their liking. It was big thing since they bought it together.

Makoto got her a love message box. If he’s at work and she stayed home, sometimes she’ll wait for hours for him to send her a message with it.

They both love spicy food. Sometimes they have contest to see who can handle the most spicy. 9/10 Abby wins.

They adopted a stray cat, though they also figured out Abby was allergic to cats. Luckily it was fixed with a doctor visit and prescribed medicine. Makoto gets salty since the cat likes Abby more then him. Abby 100% spoils the cat and gives it more love just to piss Makoto off.

If Makoto forgets something at home, Abby usually throws it out the window to him.

They got married at a court house. Just one day “I love you, you love me..let’s get married today” “ok”

They picked out their rings together, they’re not really fancy people so they got gold bands, but Makoto instead on getting a small sapphire gem for Abby’s ring.

Abby always joins him in traveling to go try coffee in another place. They’ll plan to stay for a week or so, go site seeing, try out some coffee, and always take a picture.

Abby got a special case for Makoto to see all his little gache statues.

Makoto is a stress cleaner. Abby knows he’s stressing when he’s starts deep cleaning.

Abby can’t have kids, they’re not even sure if they want kids. But right now, they know they’re not ready, and are just enjoying their life together.

Makoto loves to tell people Abby is his wife. He has pictures of them in his shop. He likes to just go “oh yeah! That’s my wife! She’s so lovely! I love her so much”. Abby hates coming into the shop now cause people know who she is.

Makoto doesn’t need Abby to tell him if she’s in a depressed mood, he just knows. He’ll go pick up her favorite ice cream, rent a cheesy movie or a horror film, and will make a blanket fort in the living room. He’ll just cuddle her while they watch a movie and while she silently enjoys her ice cream.

“You love me?” “I married you.” “Ok I’m just making sure”

[sdfgsdrgh]

How Much Water To Put In Hookah Pipe

Newbies to hookah, take note! I know it can be tricky to figure out how much water should go in your hookah pipe at first. But listen, just a few simple pointers and you’ll be filling that vase up to the perfect level every time.First things first, don’t overfill it! I see a lot of beginners put way too much water into thinking more is better. Not true! Too much and you’ll get gurgling noises or water in your mouth when you’re trying to take a puff. Feeling very uncomfortable? Don't worry, today we wrote this blog to solve this problem for you: how much water should you put in your hookah base?

How much water should I put in my hookah?When you fill your hookah, getting the water level right in the bottom of the vase is crucial for a good smoking session. Too much water produces gurgling sounds and can push water into your hose – not fun! On the other hand, too little water will give you harsh, hot smoke that will make your throat hurt like hell. So where’s the sweet spot?After many tries my friend, I’ve found that filling it up to one inch above where the downstem ends at the base (the tube which connects the bowl and the rest of the pipe) works best. What happens when the line hits about an inch past this point is enough liquid is present there for cooling and filtering smoke adequately while still allowing good airflow.I also suggest using filtered or distilled rather than tap water because minerals build up over time without proper cleaning methods used frequently enough; hygiene matters to people! Clean out any left-behind flavors from previous sessions by rinsing vigorously through with clean cold water before filling again

So why is the amount of water so important?

First, the amount of water matters. Enough water can filter most of the harmful substances and make the smoke smooth. However, too much water will increase air resistance during smoking.In addition to the quantity of water, we should also pay attention to its temperature. It has an impact on our experience with hookah! Freezing cold water creates such thick vapor clouds that it feels like smoking a frosty milkshake. Some people even put ice cubes in there for maximum chillness. And if you let the pipe sit deep down where it’s submerged more, then the smoke will hang out in there longer and have time to cool off before hitting your mouth.

So what water temperature should we maintain to achieve the best smoke effect?

I think it is best to use cold water rather than hot water, generally between 18-25 degrees Celsius. At this temperature,It cools vapor down fast, so when you smoke hookah smoke you will feel very cool and smooth and acts as an excellent filter for smoke produced during sessions

How do I get thicker smoke from my hookah?

You know, Smoke can leave the bowl at a temperature of 150-200°C! However, by the time it has passed through the stem, this will have fallen to about 100-150°C. After that, when it bubbles through the water, there is a massive drop in temperature which bottoms out at around 30-50°C as it comes up the hose. So what happens is that the water acts like a natural cooler – condensing all that hot water vapor into deliciously thick clouds. It not only looks great but also feels really smooth and soft on your throat when you inhale.For those who love to produce dense clouds while smoking hookahs, nothing works better than ice or very cold water. Apart from this, there are many other methods of making hookah smoke thicker which can be found in our blog ‘How do I get thicker smoke from my hookah?’However, on another note; if you use hot water above fifty degrees Celsius (50 °C), you will not achieve any cooling effect whatsoever. Rather it makes your throat and lungs feel dry with irritation caused by heat alone. So I usually add some ice cubes in the summer to help me solve the problem of smoke overheating Read the full article

[dragonquill]

Durin’s Day: Boxing Day Edition??

Here is my fic for Durin’s Day!  It was inspired by the amazing @ofahattersmind, who was 100% more patient than I deserve with my writing issues this month. 

See the lovely art here!

Happy Durin’s Day ah....delayed!

----

Fili is five the first time it happens. 

It begins with a sense of warmth and contentment that almost makes sense - he’s by the fire with his parents, and happy enough - but the warmth is stifling and the contentment brief.  But what follows - a sense of searing brightness, fear, indignation, is so clearly foreign that he bursts into tears, burying his face in his father’s chest and shaking with the power of it.  

He tries to explain, but he’s only a child, five years old and precocious but with no point of reference for what’s just happened to him.  It passes in minutes, and his sobs give way to little gasps for breaths and the occasional hiccup as his father rubs his back and kisses his hair and worries over him.

His mother has her suspicions, but keeps them to herself.

Keep reading or Read on Ao3!

----

For Kili, there is no “first time.”  From the day he’s born, he seems oddly mercurial, his mood shifting suddenly from time to time.  He’s a cheerful, loving child, outgoing and friendly nearly to a fault (“We don’t talk to strangers,” he recites after his mother, but once someone says hello, they’re not a stranger anymore!).  But there are times when he goes quiet and thoughtful, watching the world instead of forcing himself on it.  He likes those times, he says.  He feels peaceful.  Like he’s not alone.  

“That’s our Kili,” his mother says fondly, watching him go from spinning in hyperactive circles to curling up happily on the couch, watching the crackling fire. 

----

Kili hears words first.  Perhaps it should frighten him, but it doesn’t.  It feels like his quiet times, and the voice in his head isn’t saying anything scary.  It’s a little boy voice, like his, and it’s studiously practicing multiplication tables.  Kili’s years from learning them, though when the day comes he’ll already know them and won’t quite be able to explain how. 

In the stories about soul bonds, the first communication is usually dramatic and meaningful, the beginning of something otherworldly.

For Kili, it makes his nines tables a sinch five years later.

----

Fili’s parents die when he’s twelve.  His uncle takes him in, serious Thorin with his Durin-blue eyes and limited understanding of how children work.  He is the one who tells Fili about soulbonds, how rare they are, how their minds meet across the entire world.  He suspects Fili has one.

“And if you do,” he says, as gently as he knows how, “they’ll be feeling all the pain you’re feeling, and might be very scared by it.”

Maybe it’s a dirty trick, using a boy’s empathy for others to dry his tears and toughen up, but it appears to work.  Fili stops crying so much, starts getting out of bed and living life.

But what Kili feels, far away, isn’t the facade but the real thing.

His parents worry and fuss and arrange for therapy as he cries himself to sleep, night after night.

-----

Fili is rather secretive by nature.  He doesn’t want to bother anyone into worrying about him, and by the time he’s fourteen, he certainly knows they’d worry if they knew he talks to himself in his head all the time. The fact that the voice is different from his own only makes it more disturbing.  

I hate living with Thorin he’ll sulk, because Thorin is trying but he isn’t Fili’s parents. And his own mind answers Yeah he seems like a and a stuttering pause before dick that makes Fili laugh.  

And then he’ll find himself defending Thorin, who isn’t so bad, and the voice makes up a silly song about Thorin’s tendency to talk like it’s 1854 until Fili is sprawled in bed grinning to himself over how clever the voice in his head is, and why can’t he be that clever in real life?

----

Kili is an open book, and he forgets not to just talk back to the voice in his head.  It’s cute when he’s a little boy with his invisible friend, but the older he gets the more concerned the adults in his life get.  

He doesn’t know about the quiet meetings among counselors, teachers, and his parents.  He doesn’t really understand the new doctor who tries to convince him the voice isn’t real.  

He doesn’t like the summer he has to leave home and go stay in a hospital for two weeks during his vacation.  He’s furious, and lonely, and everyone is telling him to lie about the friend in his mind, but he’s not a good liar by nature.

I’ll know the truth his brain-friend says.  We’ll know.  Just tell them you don’t and then tell me you do.  It’ll make them happy.

Kili is reluctant, but he does as he’s told.

He still slips up sometimes,and he sees the worry in his parents’ eyes and laughs it off.  He’s a class clown, right?  He can get rid of these things.

Only his friend knows he hates it, hates the lies, curls up in his covers and sniffles some nights, feeling like a bad person.  

For a while, his friend promises to go away, and leave him alone. But that is so much worse, because it’s quiet in his head and he’s all alone and. “Is this what people want me feel?” he asks the dark, arms wrapped around a well-worn blush manatee he’s too old for as well (keeps it under the bed so his parents won’t take it away, as his friend suggested).  “It’s awful.”

And he tells his friend just how awful it is, until he comes back.

---

It’s sensible enough to name his inner voice Kili, Fili figures.  As good as anything else.  It is just an aspect of himself.  A..creative one.  Who tells stories about a life different from him.  Who lives out some of Fili’s fears (is he not quite sane?? Is his inner voice too much??  Don’t writers and such have this??  It’s fine, it’s fine).  Who is warm and funny and optimistic in a way Fili isn’t, but wants to be.  

Just a way of thinking things through.  It’s fine if he gives it a name.

He hopes.

----

His friend’s name is Fili, and Kili loves how they match. It’s like destiny in his favorite tv show!  They’re meant to be the best of friends!  The show is all about a legend about soulmates being bound from birth, and talking to each other, and finding each other and--

---

Fili visits the library, and researches, and wonders.

---

It happens on a lovely fall day in Fili’s home town. Fili is working on his post graduate degree in business administration - not the most interesting, but it’ll help out his uncle’s business, and that’s a guaranteed job that will pay enough that he can hone his own hobbies and interests on his off time. He’s still sensible, but that doesn’t mean he can’t turn some of that practicality to funding his personal interest in writing and travel. 

He’s also working at the business’s central office, actual pay instead of an internship, so he’s stayed close to home.  He’s saving money for a trip down south, for warm weather and sprawling beaches that remind him of stories he’s heard.  Or.  Made up.  Via Kili.

Fili tosses hair back over his shoulder, adjusts his coat, and walks into his favorite park.  The trees here were selected to look as colorful as possible in autumn, and he loves it.  Best time of year, hands down.

-----

Unlike Fili, Kili traveled for university.  He’s on the archery and lacrosse teams, with actual scholarships, and he’s studying English, which is mostly so he can go on into a proper specialty in myths and folktales.  He secretly believes he is a folk tale, despite the counseling and medications to convince him otherwise.  He loves the city, filled with carefully maintained parks and currently a chaos of fall colors.  It’s too hot back home for anything like this-

He sees someone out of the corner of his eye, and turns his head with practiced nonchalance for a better look.  Kili is a man who appreciates the human form.  Oh ho, he thinks, he’s hot.

And he is, all long golden hair and neat beard and fur lined leather jacket.  He’s shorter than Kili, but more solid.  He looks delicious, in the best way.

Stop creeping people out, says Fili in his head, and Kili laughs.

The man stops, frowning a little.”Odd,” he says aloud in a soft tenor voice that makes Kili’s heart thump.

He gives his head a little shake before looking around.  Blue eyes- so blue Kili can make them out from a fair distance - flicker in Kili’s direction.  He doesn’t seem to have a bit of Kili’s secret shyness.  He smiles, slow and inviting.

Never mind, I’ve found a pretty one, too, Fili says in Kili’s mind.

Kili nearly chokes on his own spit.  

The blond man turns and walks closer, more than a hint of swagger in his steps. 

“Hey,” he says smoothly.

-----

Kili feels his jaw drop.  His heart is racing.  He can hear it in his ears.  He bungee jumped once, Fili refusing to have anything to do with it.  It felt like this, like ziplines and roller coasters that flip you upside down.

He clicks his jaw shut.  

“Ah...hey,” he says back, intelligently.

---

Fili feels a flash of concern, and steps closer.  “You okay?”  He puts his hands up.  “Promise I’m not a serial killer after tourists.  I’m honestly just flirting.”

---

“I’m not a tourist!”  It’s not what Kili means to say, because he knows, in his bones, who this guy is.  He wonders why he never really thought about what Fili must look like.  He’d have thought taller, but everything else…

Yum.

“I’ve been here a year!”

----

“Oh, pardon.”  Fili grins and bows like an old-fashioned gentleman.  “Practically a local, then.  Does that mean you’re familiar with the Ri Family Teashop?”

Fili is forward, but not usually this forward.  But somehow, he wants to know this person.

Or already knows him.

Something.

----

Kili starts to grin.  “Are you asking me to tea?” he asks, because oh, good, Fili knows him too.

“Hmm.  I don’t know.  My mother said never to have tea with strangers.”  Fili holds a hand.  “Fili Durin, local peacekeeper and not an axe murderer, and you are?”

----

The cutie is staring at him, and the stare is starting to look singularly unimpressed.  “You know who I am, Fili.”

“Ah, afraid not,” Fili answers, but there’s a tug in his belly like he’s lying to his uncle Thorin about why he was out so late as a teenager.  “But I very much hope to.”

The definitely a nine sighs and puts his hands on his hips.  “I honestly thought you were smarter than this.  But you can’t be completely perfect, I guess.”  But he’s smiling, fit to battle the sun, and Fili can’t even work up a sense fo indignation.  “It’s me, Fili.  It’s Kili.”

-----

Fili will deny it until they are old and grey, and Kili will just keep telling the truth anyway.

Fili’s eyes roll back in his head, and he stumbles, and Kili grabs Fili in his strong arms like the hero he is.  It’s not fair to say Fili passes out, maybe fades a bit would be more accurate.

Either way, he regrets it forever because it makes him the damsel who wakens (blinks and sees better, because he wasn’t unconscious or anything that dramatic, correct?) in the arms of a stranger who is no stranger at all.  And dammit, Kili even kisses him awake.

(It’s soft and chaste and sweet and Kili, a press of lips just like his voice, beloved and real and everything Fili ever wanted to be real.)

“Hi,” Kili says again, grinning down at him.  “Welcome back.”

Fili will argue later that he didn’t go anywhere and he would have been fine and etc. etc, but for now, he reaches up from his awkward arching slouch in Kili’s arms and brushes hair from those playful hazel eyes, and tugs him down for their second kiss.

----

Nice!, they think, and the kiss turns into laughter.