#worldkiller | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatonebirdwrites · 25 days ago

Text

Pine

The needles crunched under Lena's shoes, her hands deep in the pockets of her red jacket. Around her, the pines stretched toward the cloudy sky and a dusting of snow coated the ground. Snow caught the world's noise like the sound-cancelling headphones Lena used when alone.

It's why she loved the first snow. The silence wrapped around her, and she disconnected from her reality.

Snow here in California felt strange, but hadn't everything been off-kilter since she woke in her penthouse, her brother suddenly alive again?

Her thoughts bounced between the new reality her brother had somehow crafted. One where he was a hero instead of a villain. One where he'd tripped over backward to manipulate her into working for him, but he'd forgotten one detail.

Sam.

She still worked in L-Corp's financials, and she was Lena's friend still. But it had been a friendship prior Lena kept from Lex for reasons that Earth-38 had yet to understand, considering how cryptic some entries became during the worldkiller crisis, and how a few had been in a code that Lena struggled to decode.

Lex didn't know how close prior Lena had been with Sam. Nor had he known Sam had been a worldkiller. Lena had hid from Lex to avoid Lex killing Sam too like he did the other worldkillers.

The place he'd lured Purity and Pestilence became an inhospitable, irradiated wasteland, but the nuclear bomb had obliterated those worldkillers. A massive clean-up effort had been under prior Lena's jurisdiction, along with research of the worldkillers' effects on the climate and how to stabilize it.

Her boots crunched on a twig, and Lena slowed her walk, reluctant to reach her destination.

The world saw Lex as the hero who saved them, but Lena knew the truth. Written in prior Lena's journals, Kara, prior Lena, Alex, J'onn, and Nia had all worked to save Sam and destroy the terraforming machine in totality. A fight that nearly cost them their lives.

Prior Lena hadn't hesitated in asking Supergirl for help, but then prior Lena knew Supergirl's true identity. She'd been trusted from the beginning by Kara.

Earth-38 Lena had tried to do it all alone, scared that whatever secret government group worked with Supergirl would kill Sam instead of save her. She had not been trusted from the beginning by Kara.

Prior Lena knew how to trust. She had faith in her friends. She hadn't been painfully betrayed again and again and again. Most of her sour experiences lay in arguments with Lex about use of military weapons and the buying of the DEO.

Oh, and apparently Andrea had betrayed her in this reality too.

So here Earth-38 Lena existed as an interloper. Someone who shouldn't exist in this reality. Prior Lena had been erased, and Earth-38 Lena walked under pine branches in prior Lena's shoes.

Bitter, distrustful, and wrapped in pain -- Sam had noticed immediately the difference, and no amount of hiding from her worked. She'd been relentless in showing up to check on Lena. To find out why Lena was in such grief and pain.

Lena hunched in her jacket as she approached the center of the park. She thought of Sam's talk last night, of how it'd gone off the rails rather quickly, and she'd ended up confessing everything.

She hadn't realized how badly she'd needed a sounding board.

"Sam, I don't know what to do. Work with Supergirl or my brother? It's not like I can trust either. Both have used me in the past." Lena pressed her hands against her forehead. "I've been just a tool..."

"No, you're not going there," Sam interrupted as she sprinkled more flour across the cutting board, where she worked her gluten-free dough with expert fingers. In the living room, the music from Ruby's game drifted into the kitchen. "I get that it feels that way, but from what you've said, Supergirl tried to fix things, right?"

Lena shrugged. She still wasn't sure if Kara's actions were guilt or truly her trying to engage in repair.

"And your brother somehow made this reality..." Sam shook her head. "Which is a little hard to believe, but..." She studied Lena for a long moment. "But you aren't yourself."

"Oh?" Lena sneered. "Then how am I supposed to act?" She hadn't meant to sound so defensive, but Sam's words hurt.

Sam sighed and waved her hand vaguely at Lena. "That right there isn't you. The Lena I know laughs more, believes in the goodness of humanity, works toward a more equitable world."

"Equitable world. That's what I'm trying to do!" Lena crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Sam.

"Is it?" Sam punched down into the dough with far more force than it warranted. "We used to go to activist events about the climate and alien rallies together. But the last few weeks, you've become a bitter recluse. And now this new project? This sudden turn from disaster relief and climate studies to mind control? Honestly, Lena, I don't know what to say."

"It's not mind control," Lena protested, but it was a weak protest. Exhaustion soaked her bones, and she wondered if Sam was right. "It's just an algorithm to prevent people from hurting one another. It'll be a more equitable and safer world."

Sam frowned. "Right. And how is that not a violation of free will?"

"Sam." Lena looked at her pained. "I'm trying to free humanity from suffering."

"Are you?" Sam's beating of the dough grew more pronounced, the flour dusting the marbled counter. "Lena, my suffering is what molded me into who I am today. Yes, it sucked at times, and some of them were my fault. But I learned and did better."

"But wouldn't things be better for Ruby if she didn't have to suffer like you did?" Lena knew it was a weak argument, but part of her felt so hollowed by Lex's actions, by this new reality, that her heart wasn't in fighting for this project. She'd become disillusioned since waking up in hell.

"Of course I don't want Ruby to suffer!" Sam flipped the dough and dug her knuckles into it before rolling it into a ball and repeating the gesture. "But I won't let anyone, even you Lena, take away from Ruby her ability to choose."

"It's not about--" Lena's words died at Sam's glare.

"Keep lying to yourself, hun." Sam wiped her hands on a hand towel that hung from the stove's handle. "Lena, I've always had your back, right?"

Lena wasn't sure exactly what Sam had done in this reality, but the prior Lena's journal entries -- since when did she write in a journal anyway? -- her, Sam, and Kara had met up often for drinks or board games.

So this Sam had no idea what Lena went through, nor what Kara had done. How the hurt between them soured everything. Her attempt to explain had failed; the words just wouldn't come out; her thoughts and emotions a bundle of pain and fear.

Lena had used Kara, trapped her in kryptonite, and still failed. All her plans for naught, and she, honestly, should have stayed dead. She didn't deserve to be here. This should be prior Lena's life, the person who was a true hero, not like herself.

"Lena?" Sam grasped her shoulder. "You got that haunted look in your eyes again. What is it?"

"You don't know what I've done," Lena whispered. "Or what Kara did on that prior Earth. You weren't there. I -- I shut you and everyone out after the betrayal."

"Then don't do it here. Don't push us away for a project that would steal our free will."

Lena laughed, but it turned into a sob. The walls of Sam's kitchen, which had felt so comforting at first, folded in on her, and she needed air. She turned to run, but Sam caught her arm.

To her surprise, Sam spun her into a hug. "I said I'd always have your back, Lena, so how about this." She murmured into Lena's hair, her arms warm and comforting -- something Lena hadn't felt in months (lifetitmes?). "How about this. Let's explore options. I'll get my hands on a truthseeker, and we'll put it on Kara. You'll get the truth you want, and I'll be there this time."

Despite not remembering Earth-38, Sam acted remarkably like the Sam there. Lena sunk into Sam's embrace, and a few tears escaped. "Okay," she said, quietly. "We'll try your way."

So here she was, walking in the climate-change snow toward the meeting place. She'd let Sam pick it, let Sam reach out to invite Kara, to act the neutral party.

Sam didn't have Lena's history with Supergirl and Kara, and Kara had no reason to suspect Sam of villianry. Yet Lena wondered if Alex and the others were watching somewhere, ready to judge her, condemn her, maybe even nuke her.

Because she wasn't a fool. On Earth-38, she'd seen Claymore change it's orientation. Hope had calculated the trajectory, and it had pointed at her.

If that was Alex or Kara, Lena didn't know, but her heart suspected Alex. Kara had been too desperate to convince save her despite Lena trapping her in kryptonite.

This was a detail she hadn't told Sam. How could she?

Sam was all she had left, and she was the loophole in Lex's plans. Because whatever he planned, it might be worse than the red sun incident or Red Daughter/Kaznia. Prior Lex had been too free with his military toys during crises, but he'd been far kinder and more accepting than Earth-38 Lex.

No, trusting Lex, even after his truthseeker confession, was a dangerous situation. Lena had seen Lex's tells when the truthseeker sat on his arm. He'd omitted things, said only what he believed was true to convince her.

But what had he omitted? What did she fail to see?

A cold breeze ruffled the branches of the vines, and needles shook loose to drift softly into the snow. Ahead the clearing where benches loomed before a fountain. Lena stopped at the edge or the pine forest and ducked behind a trunk.

There, sitting on the central bench, Kara sat watching the sky, where a few snow flurries danced above the fountain, it's water shut off and a thin layer of ice over what remained in its marbled bowl.

Her golden hair hung loose, and the wind whipped to the left, locks drifting across her face. She looked ethereal in the light of the setting sun, her skin almost aglow. Her glasses were in her hands as she cleaned them with a white cloth. She wore no protective gear for the cold, no scarf, no winter coat, no boots, just a navy blue jacket and jeans with sneakers.

The grief and pain in her soul pulsed with the love that she'd failed to exorcise. Her urge to walk over, push Kara against the bench, and kiss her haunted her thoughts. Nothing had exorcised that desire from her traitorous heart.

She leaned against the rough bark, and nibbled on her bottom lip. Maybe she should leave now, before anyone noticed her.

But the thought of the truthseeker on Kara kept her rooted in place. She needed the truth, all of it unfiltered. No more omitting facts, no more lying, no more half-truths.

Part of her dreaded what she'll find, another part urged her to push forward with the plan, and yet another part burned with a desire to just run from everyone. To leave this cursed city and disappear from everyone.

Footsteps caught her attention, and she sighted Sam on the opposite side of the clearing. No, she'd ghosted Sam once already. Of all the people in her life, Sam hadn't ever betrayed her. She didn't deserve to be hurt again by Lena.

Sam rounded the fountain, a duffel bag over her shoulder, and her winter coat a different color than what Lena remembered. On Earth-38, Sam wore darker colors, often navy blue, black, or brown. Here she wore a forest green winter coat with brown cuffs and collar.

"Hey Kara! Thanks for meeting." Sam waved with a smile. "I know you've been really busy lately."

"Yeah." Kara brushed off snow. "It's weird to see snow in California."

"Polar vortex dipped too far south again." Sam shrugged. "Lena was studying it by the way. Had an idea on how to stabilize the climate, but..." She dropped onto the bench next to Kara, her duffel at her feet. "It's been a weird few weeks."

"Yeah. That's for sure." Kara's laugh sounded forced. "Was anyone else meeting us?"

"Yeah, one more." Sam scanned the clearing. Lena tried to keep out of sight in the pines, but her friend was far too observant. "Lena, stop hiding, girl. I can see that red jacket."

Lena sighed and stepped out from behind the pine. She tugged on her fingers nervously. "Hi." She didn't know what else to say.

"Lena?" Kara shot to her feet, her eyes wide. "What -- what are you doing here?"

Gingerly, Lena stepped out of the pine's safety and onto the stone tiles of the clearing. "I -- I was asked by Sam to come as well."

Kara frowned. "Last time we talked you almost threw a wine glass at my head."

"Wait she did?" Sam looked between the two. "Well, I suppose that's better than the microscope at Jack's head."

That was another weird thing about this reality. Jack still lived, but prior Lena had never dated Jack. Instead, she'd dated a lot of women, no men at all. Another major difference -- prior Lena was a lesbian, but Earth-38 Lena was a bisexual.

"A microscope?" Kara repeated. "What did he do?"

"Irritated me," Lena said, with a shrug. "His testing plans were ridiculous, and he wasn't listening to me." She walked to the bench, but didn't sit down. "Um, so, did Sam tell you what this is about?"

Kara glanced at the dufflebag. "Sort of? She said she'd bring a truthseeker to help mediate between us."

"Both of us will take turns with it," Lena said. She sat down on the armrest of the nearby bench. Cold seeped into her clothes. "The full truth, no holding back."

Kara nibbled on her bottom lip. "Okay."

Lena frowned. "Just okay? No self-righteous speech about how I should trust you without it?"

Kara sighed. "I don't want to fight you, Lena. If this helps you then I'll do it."

Sam unzipped her bag and pulled out a silver cylinder. "I admit, this is weird. Both of you are not acting like the Kara and Lena I knew." She settled the cylinder on her lap and shook her head. "Lena had been panicking over whether she should ask you out before-- before whatever caused this weird change."

Lena looked down at her hands. She'd read that in prior Lena's journals, and it had hurt so much. Prior Lena had confidence in everything but love, and yet, she'd still been more courageous than Earth-38 Lena. Prior Lena admitted to her love, while Earth-38 Lena hid from it.

"Wait, you were going to ask me out?" Kara leaned closer to Lena. "Really?"

"Prior Lena," she said flatly. "It's in her journals. She was a meticulous record keeper. Better than even myself."

Sam shook her head. "Comments like that sure make this surreal. So who wants to go first?"

"I will." Kara pushed up her sleeve and held out her arm. "Do it, Sam."

Lena said nothing, only watched as Sam carefully keyed the code and opened one end. She tilted it into Kara's lap.

The unnerving creature slipped out and wrapped its appendages around Kara's arm. The hiss of not-quite pain escaped Kara's lips, and a hint of redness blossomed around the tentacles.

"Ask away," Kara said, her voice trembling slightly as she looked at Lena.

"Did you ever trust me?" Lena couldn't meet Kara's gaze, so she picked at her cuticles instead.

"Yes. I did."

Lena frowned. "Are you immune to that thing or what? How can you say you trusted me and yet you used me."

"Lena," Kara said, fervently. "I did trust you. It's myself I didn't trust. I made a big mistake by using James to go behind your back and search for kryptonite. I'd been so wrapped up in pain at seeing my people harm Earth again, that when I heard synthesized, all I saw was red. And red would have doomed us."

"Red what?" Lena demanded. "It sounds like you're just making up excuses."

"Red Kryptonite," Kara said, her voice strangled almost. "Max Lord made it on Earth-38. It... it brings out the darkest parts of me, and people almost died. Alex and J'onn had to use everything they had to subdue me enough for the cure."

Red welts appeared along the edges of the wrapped tentacles. Something she'd never seen on Kara's skin before -- her always flawless skin, always flawless hair, always perfect in every way. More signs that she was not fully human if Lena had been more observant.

Or maybe more honest with herself.

"Is that your excuse? Past trauma giving you the right to use people I cared about and my name against me?" Lena wanted to slap Kara, but that'd likely break her hand.

"It's not an excuse, Lena. It's my truth. I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

The curseword stole all the angry accusations from Lena's lips. She'd never heard Kara curse ever.

"So," Sam said, cautiously. "Lots of bad blood between you two. My question is, what is real? This Earth-38 or our current world?"

Kara slumped against the bench. "Earth-38 and the multiverse at large was destroyed in the antimatter wave. It took all of us paragons -- and there wasn't many of us honestly -- to end that threat and restore the multiverse. I don't think Earth-38 will ever exist again." Pain coated her voice. "I couldn't save them."

"I couldn't either," Lena pointed out. "I build that massive portal, evacuated who I could, and yet we still died on Earth-1, didn't we? So all our actions were pointless."

"Never," Kara snapped. "We still thought we had a chance to win when that happened. You saved so many, Lena. You didn't have to do that. You could have turned Alex away."

"I'm not a monster," Lena said. She dropped onto the bench proper, and rested her arms on her knees, her hands clasped. "All I've ever wanted is to do good."

"Then do good now!" Kara said, earnestly. "Help us against Leviathan and Lex. Don't --"

"Stop." Lena struggled against an urge to cry. Why was she doing this? It felt like torture. Her heart ached, and she didn't deserve this second chance at life. "I manipulated you for months, Kara. Used you to finish my project. I encased you in a kryptonite prison."

"Yeah, that was awful." Kara winced. "More than awful. Like lava in my veins, but you didn't leave me there. It melted the moment you left, and you'd programmed a drone to saturate me with the sunlight I needed to recover," Kara pointed out. "You could have killed me, but you didn't."

Lena didn't say anything. She couldn't kill Kara.

She was capable of killing her own brother, but she couldn't kill Kara.

Her nightmares about Lex's death had returned with a vengeance since she woke in this hell world. She could feel the heft of the pistol in her hands. The stench of gunpowder as she shot her own brother. Her ears still echoed with the gasps of his breaths between his rants. He had checkmated her, and the truth he'd revealed about Kara obliterated Lena's heart.

"Why try to save me?" Lena watched the snow blow across the fountain's ice. "I saw Claymore reorient itself to face my location. You could have fired it."

"No! I would have caught caught it, taken the blast myself."

Lena's eyes darted to the truthseeker still on Kara's arm. The red welts had grown. Next to Kara, Sam sat silent, her eyes on the truthseeker, and a troubled expression on her face.

"Why?" Lena leaned closer to Kara, one arm against the bench's armrest. "Why are you so damn determined to save me? I'm not worth this effort, Kara. You should have let me die that day."

"Never. I can't lose you, Lena. I can't." Pain etched into Kara's voice.

"Why? Why can't you?" Lena snapped. "Why do you persist? You didn't care before! Lying to my face over and over again. And I, the lovesick fool, fell for it every time."

"Lena, when I was just Kara with you, I wasn't ever lying." The pain in Kara's voice echoed with a deep grief. "I can't lose you because I love you." Her face reddened, and she looked at the truthseeker.

Lena breathed in sharply. "Love?"

"Yes," Kara said, weakly. "I love you. And I wanted to protect you. But I was a coward. I couldn't be just Kara with you, even though I tried so hard. If either of us should have died in Crisis, it should have been me."

The red welts crept up Kara's arm. Lena couldn't take her eyes off it. "What's happening to your arm?" She pointed to the affected areas.

"I think I'm allergic to it," Kara whispered.

"Okay, that's enough." Sam double tapped the creature, and it unwrapped from Kara. It's slimy skin glistened with a soft blue glow, and it slithered back into its cylinder. "I'm sorry, Kara. I can go run and grab some Aloe Vera for you?"

"No need, Sam." Kara smiled, tiredly. "Time in the sunlight will heal this."

Lena stared at Kara's arm, the confession rattling against the sight of the allergic reaction.

Sam closed the cylinder and shifted to tuck it into her bag. "If you're allergic, then I don't think we should risk anyone--"

"Do it, Sam." Lena tugged her arm out of her coat and held it out. The cold bit into her arm, and she steeled herself. "I said both of us, and I, unlike some, follow through on promises."

"Lena..." Sam frowned. "What if you're allergic too?"

"I don't care. Just do it."

Kara looked back and forth between two, her brow scrunched with worry. She stayed silent, one hand lightly rubbing her sores.

Sam grumbled but walked over and opened the cylinder above Lena's arm. The creature slid out and wrapped around Lena's arm, and a rush of chemicals seethed into her veins.

Lena gasped at the mixture of pain and an intense desire to speak bloomed within her.

"Ask your questions, Kara," Sam said, sharply.

Kara stared at the truthseeker. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes. No. yes." Lena struggled against the urge to scream her truth. To hold herself back somehow, but whatever the truthseeker slipped into her blood overcame her. "I trust you to keep me alive. I trust you to come to my rescue. But I don't trust you with my heart. You broke it."

Kara took a haggard breath, her eyes haunted. "I'm sorry, Lena. Truly I am."

"Stop apologizing!" Lena snapped. "Ask me why! Ask me why it hurt so much, Kara!"

Kara flinched. "Okay, okay, why did it hurt so much?"

The words exploded out of her. "Because I'm in love with you. All I wanted was you. It's why I bought Catco. For you. It's why I led it and gave Sam L-Corp's CEO position. To be close to you. Why do you think I filled your office with flowers?" Tears stung her eyes, and she gulped back a sob. "To learn you never trusted me with your true self?"

"But I did! You saw me, the me I wanted so badly to be, and if it weren't for you, I would have lost myself after losing Mon-el." Kara darted to her feet and dropped down in front of Lena. "You are my light, Lena. My heart. And I'll never stop fighting for you." She started to reach for Lena's hands, but Sam intervened and pushed her back.

"How can I trust that?" Lena blurted. "I'm scared. I'm scared to trust again, scared to love you. I should have died, Kara." Tears blurred her vision, and yet she couldn't stop. The truthseeker pulsed its toxins into her, pushing her to spill her truth. "I erased prior Lena, who was a much better person than me. I'm a murderer, a villain, a monster that should have died."

"No!" Kara shouted, frustrated. "You deserve life."

"Okay, that's enough." Sam tapped the truthseeker and collected it in its container. It left slight red marks on Lena's arm, but nothing compared to Kara's. "No one deserves death, for God's sake." Sam ran a hand through her hair and tossed it over her shoulder. "You two have apparently gone through hell on Earth-38." She locked the lid and stowed it in the bag. "But this is getting ridiculous. I want you both to talk, while I return this. When I get back, you two better have talked this out, or I'm gonna lock you two in a room for a week. Don't test me."

Lena shoved her arm back into her warm coat, and zipped it shut. "Fine." She felt raw, exposed, but the truth had been laid bare. The truthseeker had done it's duty.

Kara clenched her hands into fists but said nothing. True to her word, Sam slung the bag over her shoulder and marched to the south, the far end of the park.

"Would Sam really lock us in a room?" Kara said after a long moment of silence.

"Yes." Lena chuckled softly, but it felt hollow still. "She locked me and Jack in a room to force us to talk through a rather ridiculous fight. I was being stubborn. She even barricaded the door."

"Well then." Kara sat back on her heels, her hands on her knees. She looked up at Lena. "I suppose we should talk then?"

Lena wiped her eyes. "I guess."

"Lena," Kara reached out, but her hand hovered between them, uncertainty on her face. "Can we start over? This time honesty and trust will be our cornerstone. And we can rebuild from there?"

This was the one difference between Lex with the truthseeker and Kara. Lex didn't love her. He'd chose his words carefully for maximum manipulation. He hadn't worn the truthseeker long, only enough for him to say the words he knew Lena wanted to hear.

He refused to keep it on for her questions.

But Kara had worn it long enough to blister her skin.

Lena reached out tentatively and grasped Kara's hand. She tugged Kara closer, her other hand gently running along the edge of the red welts. "This is new to me," she said softly. "I -- starting over feels overwhelming. Can it really be that easy?"

"Who said it'd be easy?" Kara settled between Lena's legs, her face upturned. Her gorgeous blue eyes met Lena's emerald ones, and her hair hung in soft ringlets around her beautiful face.

Lena's other hand betrayed her and tucked a lock of Kara's hair behind her ear. She bit her lip, and tucked both her hands under her legs. "I'm tired, Kara. Tired of fighting." She bowed her head, her hair cascading around her face. The snow seeped into her pants, and the wet spread its coldness to her skin. "I'm in hell. Lex masterminded all of this, and that makes us what? Pawns on a chessboard? I murdered my own brother for you. I stained my soul forever. Only for him to somehow survive." She laughed bitterly. "I'm a monster, Kara."

"No. No you're not." Kara gently tugged Lena's hand free and rubbed her thumb over her skin. Warmth radiated from Kara's hand. "You did what you needed to keep us all safe. You deserve care and love. Rebuilding will be hard, I know, but I think you're worth it. I wouldn't have agreed to come if I didn't believe that. Nor would I have tried to warn you about Lex once I woke up here."

Lena thought of the prior Lena's journals. Of the projects she'd been doing, projects Earth-38 had forgone to focus on Harun-el-- her hubris nearly destroying what she'd hoped to save. Or her revenge, once again abandoning projects that could have really helped people out of her delusions of grandeur.

"I'm not better than Lex," Lena said. "Sam's right. Non Nocere is just another mind control project. One Lex will definitely find a way to twist and pervert."

"Then don't do it. Work on other things." Kara leaned closer, her face inches from Lena's own. "Let me work with you. I was the youngest in centuries to be accepted to Krypton's Science Guild, at least before it died." She took a deep breath. "So maybe earth science uses odd units and programming languages, but I can learn it. You don't have to do it all alone, Lena. Please, let's start over. This time on the right foot."

Lena leaned her forehead against Kara's. The warmth seeped into her, and she took a shaky breath. "Okay."

#This turned into a much longer fic than I planned #lena luthor #supercorp #kara danvers #supergirl #After Crisis #Honestly the show didn't really give us how much Lena would be haunted by killing Lex #Plus this new world would have histories that differed from Earth-38 and I'm sure Lena would research that #And what she found likely haunted her too.#Plus I really wanted to bring Sam back because I love Sam. She's Lena's ride or die friend #Sam would talk Lena out of the mind control project easily I think #Also the messing up the climate from worldkillers would take much longer for the Earth to recover so I wanted to play with that

46 notes · View notes

thatonebirdwrites · 5 months ago

Text

Sneak peak from my as yet unreleased fic, Shattered but Whole (this is an excerpt)

EXCERPT (from second part - Unravels. There is also Lena's Tale from The Event and Kara's Tale also in Unravels. A third part Integration is still being written. I'll post full fic at end of month hopefully):

Sam's Tale

Sam places the soup on the coffee table. The lack of sleep burns behind her eyes, partly due to Rory's tendency to wander. She sits down on the sofa and manages a smile for the huddled form under the pile of blankets.

Stubborn and unflinching like steel, Rory has failed to eat more than a few sips of broth for the past day. Frustration boils in Sam, but what can she do? She can't let that emotion show.

So she takes a deep breath to calm herself. Pictures the tidal pools, where her, Ruby, and Lena used to walk on weekends before Lex's escape and carefully crafted lies and manipulations that strangled the leadership of two countries and nearly killed them all.

Sam remembers the fires that raged from the satellite weapon. One blast had incinerated parts of Kansas, burning wheat fields, and destroying the town of Smallville. Then another blast had ripped through downtown Metropolis, obliterating one of the news stations and its neighboring buildings.

At the time, Sam had been making dinner when the flash of red swept across the sky. Next came the booms and the brief quake, then the horrid silence before the sirens started up. Most channels in town had gone off-air, but those from one state over functioned fine. It relayed images of the destruction, and how the Claymore satellite turned toward space again. Sam had started packing immediately, while she did everything she could to keep Ruby distracted.

Then hours later, Lena had called.

Sam won't ever forget how her voice whispered Sam's name over and over in a pained, panicked way, as if Sam was the rope she held tightly to keep from falling. In the background, she had heard booms and white noise. At first, she feared Lena had been near the epicenter, only to learn she was instead on the other side of the country. And the booms were just thunder.

Sam runs a hand through her hair. Stress and anxiety hangs like a shawl, the intense rush to reach National City still sizzling in her limbs. She should have returned sooner, before this tragedy.

“Rory,” Sam says gently. Grief coils in her chest when Lena's face turns to her, only for Rory's wide green-blue eyes to meet hers. As always, the haunted expression breaks Sam’s heart a little more. “It’s okay. I’m not angry. I’m just worried. Eating will help you feel better. So how about a few bites?”

Tentatively, Rory reaches out to prod the spoon in the bowl. It swirls the ingredients in little whirlpools.

For Rory to front this long? Without any sign of Kieran or Lena? Worry joins Sam's grief and exhaustion. It's been two — possibly three if she counts the night of Supergirl’s rescue— days with no sign of the others.

“We had to. We had to end the cycle.” Lena's words said so brokenly.

Sam isn’t a fool. Lena/Kieran killed Lex and burned the evidence. She still doesn't know how this came about or why it transpired in Northern California.

Will burning it all be good enough? Should she devise alibis just in case? This really isn’t her purview — Lena is the strategist or Jack. Sam is more of the ‘wild ideas and toss at wall to see if they stick’ person.

Advice definitely needed, but who to call?

Sam taps her fingers against her knee and teases her mind for solutions. How would Jack or Lena approach this? Systematically. Sam is decent with math, but she's never been able to keep up with those science geniuses.

Systematic she can do. She unlocks her phone to peruse her options.

Alex Danvers, FBI agent, who likely knows what they need for alibis. Can Sam trust Alex not to align with her job and bring in Lena?

The news this morning documented Supergirl's fight with Lex and the liberation of the alien power plant. Catco released the first part of a three-part article that exposes of Lex's megalomania and genocidal plans. Kara really outdid herself with that piece.

The tide favoring Lex shifts slowly. No, she can't trust anyone associated with the government. Not until Sam has definitive evidence they won't turn on Lena or Supergirl still.

Fine, whose next?

Kelly Olsen, Lena's therapist. Or soon to be ex-therapist due to Kelly dating Alex Danvers now. Due to Lex's brief reign of terror, Kelly and Lena — as far as Sam knows — hadn't had time to find a suitable replacement to continue Lena's work on integration.

Kara Danvers then? A rather naive journalist, who apparently is Supergirl's alter ego. Or maybe Supergirl is Kara's alter ego. That stormy night Supergirl rescued Lena confirmed they are one and the same.

Lena adores Kara, but her words that stormy night: “Did you know Kara is an alien?” had held a layer of pain.

Sam sighs and rubs her temple. The only other number she has is for James Olsen, who she doesn't trust farther than she can spit. He may have dated Lena, but he'd never truly let go of Lena's last name. Sam wishes she'd never pushed Lena to try, but that was before she understood the depth of Lena's feelings for Kara.

The clink of a spoon echoes softly in the sterile apartment. Rory still hasn't attempted food. Only swirls and swirls, the whirlpools sink into the depths of the cup and reveal bits and pieces of vegetables.

Sam watches and blinks back tears. Jack would have known what to do. He'd likely be mobilizing alibis and lawyers already, but he lay in a coma, trapped since the nanite catastrophe that destroyed Spheerical Industries. A memory Sam tries to avoid. Kieran and Rory had fronted for weeks after that disaster.

“Lena,” Sam whispers, “I know you're in there.” She reaches out to brush black hair from Rory's face. “How would you or Kieran handle this?”

Rory glances at her, her eyebrows scrunched as if in thought. Her other hand lifts from under the blankets and forms the sign for ‘endure.'

Yes, Sam knows Rory is the one that endures. Helplessness seeps through her limbs. She looks down at her phone and flips through the contacts again with her thumb. One by one names trickle by until she stops at Kara Danver's name.

“I’m going to make a phone call,” she tells Rory. “When I get back, I want at least some of this soup eaten. Then we can watch your favorite show. Or maybe play a game?”

Rory tilts her head, and her face contorts — wrinkles in forehead, scrunched eyebrows, flared nostrils, slight grimace, and sucked in cheeks — a sign of a possible switch.

Sam holds her breath in hope.

The expression fades, and Rory tugs blankets tighter around her body. One hand grips the spoon again and forms the whirlpools once more.

Sam lets out her breath. “Promise me, you'll eat? Otherwise, no games later.”

Rory narrows her eyes but reluctantly nods. Sam will take that as progress.

Standing, she glances at her daughter, who sits curled up in the armchair by the sofa. Her latest book — a science fiction novella about nonbinary monks and robots — lays open in her lap. Ruby's fingers crinkle the page right before she turns it.

Sam marvels for the millionth time how much Ruby looks like her. Only her nose and thicker build gives any hint of the worthless father.

Her baby, the reason for much of what Sam does. Today, Ruby's hair curls down past her shoulders, still damp from a shower, and her brown eyes scan the pages of her book. She looks up at Sam, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Keep an eye on her, Rubes. I’ll be on the balcony.”

Ruby gives her a thumbs-up. She knows the drill. In a way, she and Rory act as sisters, which puts Sam in the weird-ass role of mother figure when Rory fronts.

So very different from the best friend role Sam holds for Lena, and the nebulous more than friend role for Kieran. All aspects that leaves Sam in a strange limbo of not able to ever confess her feelings.

Outside, the wind blows cool, the taste of salt off the ocean. Sam leans against the railing and struggles to hold back her tears. Is this disaster the one that finally breaks her best friend?

Sam had promised herself long ago to make sure Lena was never alone wih Lex, and yet, three days ago that exact scenario played out while Sam was stuck in Metropolis. She'd been there for the past three months fixing a major production and accounting mishap, which meant Ruby temporarily enrolling in the school in the interim.

Convenient that such a mishap happened just when Lex strolls back into Lena's life. Sam rubs her eyes and slumps against the railing. The mishap she repaired had been sabotage, that Sam knows, but she can't scrounge up enough evidence to confirm by whom.

Even though in her heart she's positive it was Lex's way to separate her and Lena.

To isolate Lena slowly. Like he always does.

Sam can't ever forget the moment she learns of his abuse. During the initial merger, years ago, Lena had been sitting in her office after a meeting with Lex. Sam only came by to drop off her report, but what she found alarmed her. Lena's expression had been twisted in what looked like pain. Her red, chafed skin and the red mark on her left cheek ignited a deep need to protect in Sam.

Yet she'd failed. All their work to free Lena from the Luthors shredded by Lex. The urge to scream and rip apart the world seethes in Sam.

At least Lex is dead. The fucking bastard. But it should have been her hands that did it. Not Lena's.

She rubs away her angry tears and pulls out her phone. Thumbs through the unlock and hovers over Kara's name. A number she's had since the worldkiller crisis ten months ago. That time of horror is where Sam finally understood viscerally the amnesiac episodes.

***

Sam stands in an alley. Her boots are muddy, and her head stuffed with cotton. Her breath catches in her throat, her lungs raw. Her body feels not her own, like a puppet on strings. She looks down at her hands, the grime under her nails unfamiliar. Her stomach twists in knots, her head aches, and she wants to curl up and weep.

How did she get here? Where is she?

Fog coils in her mind and sizzles with lightning. The air charged with apprehension despite the cloudless night glaring down at her.

Memories seep through slowly: She was skating on a rink with Ruby, who easily kept pace with her. Sam had turned to skate backward and make faces at her daughter. Typical pre-teen response of rolled eyes, but the hint of a smile gave away Ruby's amusement.

She'd just turned to skate forward again when a ringing started in her ears. Ruby passed her, while Sam's vision fogged over. Whispers crept into her ears: let go, let go.

Dark woods loomed then, while the fog tugs her from the fluorescent lights of the indoor rink. Bare branches curved like hands that reach for her, until darkness coats her mind and body. Freezing cold slithers through her.

Only to wake here, in an alleyway, alone.

Terror ignites.

Ruby.

Where is Ruby? She digs through her pockets but finds nothing. No phone.

Wait, why is she in khakis and navy blue button-down shirt? Where is her jeans and T-shirt she'd been wearing skating?

Why is one of her sleeves caked with blood? But she has no wounds.

Ruby. Her feet jerk into motion, and she sprints from the alley.

Car engines and horns assault her ears. She’s a block from L-corp. Definitely phones there to borrow. She dodges through the slow, meandering traffic, and ignores the driver's curses and car horns.

She bursts through L-corp’s doors. To the left is the security desk, where a lone guard reads a magazine, his only light a small lamp. The rest of the building is dark except for the fluorescent lights near the elevators and stairs. Sounds of traffic fade into a faint roar, only interrupted by the crinkle of pages.

Shadows stalk across the foyer, like the woods of her nightmares. One shadow forms the figure of a woman, red eyes aglow. She takes a step backward, her breath caught in her throat and her stomach bubbling with nausea.

“Ms. Arias?” the voice cuts through her frozen terror. The figure vanishes.

Sam turns to see a plump, older man at the security desk. His hazel eyes look up from his book, his mouth in a confused grimace.

“Are you all right?”

No, she most definitely is not. She can't let it show. Breathe, she tells herself. Four, eight, twelve, sixteen, twenty… she counts until her hands stop shaking. “Bill," she asks, slowly, "can I use your phone?”

“Uh, sure.” He turns his desk phone around to face her.

Sam dials Lena’s number. Her fingers tremble despite her attempts to calm down.

To her relief, Lena picks up after one ring. “This is Ms. Luthor speaking.”

“Lena, oh thank god you answered," she clutches the phone, almost in tears at her familiar voice. "Please, where are you? Where is Ruby?”

“Sam?” Relief floods Lena’s voice. “Sam, I’m at the office. Where are you? I can—”

“I’m coming upstairs.” Sam hangs up and sprints for the elevator. As the elevator ascends, she paces back and forth, terrified and nauseated. Her body aches from head to toe as if she’d been in a fight, but she has no memory of the past few hours — days?

It's been two months of horrific nightmares and amnesiac episodes. One month of trying to hide it all under a veneer of practiced poise.

Shadows play across the elevator walls, and one sneers like a face of a demon. She jerks backward, her back hitting the wall. Whispers in a language she can't quite distinguish sinks into the dark. Strange symbols form on her arms, and she tries to rub them away to no avail.

The metal of the elevator forms a face with red eyes.

No. No, no! She hits the buttons on the elevator desperate to escape. The elevator shivers and clanks. Horror stalks her.

"Four, eight, twelve," she says, out loud, desperate to calm herself. "Sixteen, twenty…"

The elevator doors open to darkness, except for a red light at the end of the hall. No, she can't enter that. The doors shut, and she slumps to the ground, her arms around herself. The doors open three more times, and each time she's met with a gloom so deep, she swears she can hear the creaking of branches.

She’s never been more terrified in her life. For these episodes to increase in severity, for them to now impact her daughter? Sam wants to scream and rip herself to shreds.

The fourth time the doors open, light cascades into the room. She throws herself into the precious light. Scrambling to her feet, her boots pound against the tiles as she sprints down the hallway, past a conference room, past Jess' empty desk, and finally to the door of her office.

She tugs open the door, her breaths sharp and agonized.

A figure sits at the desk, the glow of a tablet across her porcelain features and glossy black hair. A fluffy scarf wraps around the woman's neck, her jacket open to show a shiny red shirt that is far too reminiscent of blood.

Recognition sparks. Lena. It's only Lena. Relief stops her mad dash. “Where’s Ruby?”

“Sam! Thank god you’re okay.” Lena sweeps to her feet, her Irish accent faint, which means it’s Lena fronting. Kieran always has a heavy Irish brogue. She takes a few hesitant steps around the desk, but pauses a few feet away. Her concern etched into her perfect features. “Ruby called me right away. I took her home. I — I thought I’d check the office again in hope you’d return here. Like you had the other times.”

“Oh my god.” Sam turns away and presses her hand to her forehead. “How could I do this to her?” She throws her hand down and starts to pace. “What if I’d been driving at the time?”

Her imagination unhelpfully provides a vivid image of a crash and a bloodied body. Bile rises in Sam's throat.

Lena holds up her hands as if to placate her. “She’s safe, Sam. She did the right thing by calling for help.”

Right, help. Good. Emergency plan enacted. Yet Ruby never should have needed it.

Sam takes a deep breath and turns back to Lena. “Was she scared?”

Lena’s shoulders droop then, but the tension in her body shows in her creased brows “Yes. We all are.” Cautiously, Lena approaches her, one hand still upheld. “Do — do you remember anything?”

Sam shakes her head. Whispers, shadowed woods, and fog provides no clues. “No. No, I don’t. Same as always.”

Lena tugs at her fingers. “Ruby told me about the other times.”

Sam stares at her, unable to fathom at first Lena's meaning. “She doesn’t know,” she says, finally. “I — I haven’t told her yet.”

“She’s a smart kid. Had a time-line of dates, times, and places —”

“You told a twelve year old that her mother is sick with a illness no one can diagnose?” A coiling horror mixed with anger shudders through her body. No, Ruby can't know. “Seriously?”

“Sam, she already knew.” Lena holds up her hands again, as if to ward off Sam’s anger. “I simply reassured her that you didn’t abandon her. That we’re looking into this.”

“Si—”

The world sears in sudden frigid cold. It weaves into her bones, as dark grey fog coils. Let go, a whisper curls into her ears. A face forms in the mists, skull with no eyes, and hands reach up from the ground.

Bare branches leer over her like clawed hands. She staggers backward, only to hit the desk.

She’s back in the office. “What — what…” Bile burns her throat.

Lena stands on the other side of her, her arms around herself, and a haunted look in her eyes. She blinks and drops her hands to her side. “Sam? Are — are you back?”

Sam slowly backs up until her legs hit a chair. She lowers herself, shaken.

“Sam? Did you just have a blackout?”

Terror throttles her breathing, her gasps sharp and pained. Nodding, she shivers and grips the chair.

Lena holds up her hands as if to calm her down. “You don’t remember anything you just said?”

Tears blur her vision. She shakes her head. “I need help,” she whispers. Something more than therapy, more than Alex’s MRI and CT tests. Something that can dig deep into why these episodes happen when it’s never happened prior.

“Sam, do you trust me?” Lena drops to one knee next to Sam’s chair, and gently grasps her hands.

Sam clings to Lena’s warm and grounding touch and nods.

“Let me run some tests. You’ll have to stay in the basement lab for the night.” Lena bites her lip and looks down at their hands. “If I’m right about this, you’re in grave danger.”

Dread weighs heavy on Sam. “Whatever is needed, do it.” If anyone can find what’s wrong, it’d be her best friend. The person who understands amnesiac episodes, the one who is a genius with biology and engineering — the person Sam trusts and loves more than anyone else in the universe. “You’ll watch Ruby?”

“Of course. She’s in a safe place right now, and with someone I trust to keep an eye on her.”

Her words help only marginally; Sam can’t help but worry for her daughter. To not be able to see her? Out of fear of what she might do in an episode? The tears escape despite all her attempts to hold them at bay.

“I promise you I’ll figure this out. We’ll find the cure together.” Lena wraps an arm around her shoulder, while her other hand rubs her thumb over Sam’s knuckles. Exactly the same way Sam does during Lena’s panic attacks or amnesiac episodes. Oh, how the tables have turned.

True to her word, Lena sets her up in a medical bed in the basement lab and runs the battery of tests. Her best friend says very little, her entire focus on her work — like always when she hyperfocuses.

Needles used shimmer with a hint of green and leave a weird ache after. Hum of machines scan her insides, and the tool to scrape a sample from inside her mouth feels cold and unnerving. The only words spoken are gentle but short explanations of each procedure.

She knows Lena does it to try to calm her.

Nothing will calm her. Not until they know the truth.

Sam wonders if feeling shattered or scared is how Lena is all the time. If so, how does she cope? Admiration for Lena’s strength and resiliency floods Sam. Lena’s spent a life like this, while Sam falls apart after only a few months.

“This last test relies on you sleeping.” Lena stands a few feet away, her hands clasped in front of her. Her accent has stayed faint these last few hours, which means Kieran hasn’t fronted once. “Do you think you can sleep?”

Sam rubs her eyes. “Maybe. I’m exhausted enough.”

For a moment, Lena stands silently, her expression contorts almost in pain. She takes in a sharp breath, and her shoulders straighten, her posture rigid. A switch.

“Then rest.” Her best friend steps up to the bed, her accent a thick Irish brogue, where each word is pronounced slowly as if she tastes each one. That signals this is now Kieran. “We will watch over you.” She gently kisses Sam’s forehead and smooths back her hair.

Sam aches to hold her and be held in turn. Instead, she grasps Kieran’s hand. “Can — can you really cure this?”

“Not me, luv,” Kieran says, tenderly. “Lena can. She has a plan. We just need more data.” Her hand continues to stroke Sam’s hair, her other tightly holding Sam’s left. “Close your eyes now, and I shall sing you to sleep.”

Of Lena’s many parts, Kieran is the only one that can hold a tune, and she sings an Irish ballad. It ripples over Sam and encases her in warmth. She finally drifts to a dreamless sleep.

When she wakes, her head aches, her vision blurry, and her shoulder hurts. She reaches up and realizes there’s a device there, but she can’t quite see what it is.

“Lena? Kieran?” She’s not sure who is fronting for her friend.

“It's Lena.” Lena looks up from the desk, where several papers are scattered along with a tablet and a laptop. She gives her a faint smile. Dark circles line her eyes. Likely barely slept. Typical of her. “How do you feel?”

“Achey. What — what is this?” She taps the device.

“Precaution.” Lena stands and walks closer, only to stop a few feet away. “I — I have good and bad news.”

“Surely not as bad as the world ending?” Sam jokes.

Lena doesn’t laugh nor does she smile. Her eyes narrow instead. “I reviewed our data and the timeline of your episodes.”

The seriousness in Lena’s stance, the faint wisp of her accent, and the pain in her tone makes it clear that Sam isn’t going to like her next words. She braces herself.

“Your episodes align with when Reign appears.”

Sam jolts upright in shock. “No. That’s crazy.”

Lena frowns. “The data I’ve taken has provided proof. I suspect when you left on your trip ‘to find your origins,’ you were possessed. The time and date of that correlates to the timing of Reign’s cult leader escaping prison.”

Sam shakes her head. There’s no way.

“Let me show you then.” She picks up a remote and turns on the television. It plays a segment from a news report of a murder. “Two months ago you report a black out. Reign appears and kills three robbers and leaves an odd symbol all over National City. The same symbol the cultist gave Kara during her interview exactly two weeks before your ‘trip’ happened.”

Sam can’t believe her ears. She shakes her head again.

“A week later, you have another black out.” She hits the remote and another news segment appears. “Seven people killed at a warehouse. Their bodies mutilated.”

“Lena, why are you doing this?” Sam stumbles out of the bed. “You — you can’t— I get squeamish whenever Ruby asks me to kill a spider. Why — how — there’s no way I’d ever kill those people!”

Lena sighs. “I don’t think you did.”

“So what, I’m like you? Split personality now?” She snaps as she starts to pace. A weird energy tingles through her, and the area where the device is aches.

Lena takes a shuddering breath. “Sam, that’s —” She turns away and fiddles with her tablet. “Is that really what you think of us?” she asks quietly.

“No!” Sam put her head in her hands. “No, it’s not at all. I — I don’t know why I said that. You’re absolutely lovely. All of you.”

“Sure.” The flat tone to her voice hurts to hear.

“Lena, I mean it!” Sam drops onto the bed. “I’m not thinking straight. My body feels weird, and my head hurts, and — and I’m scared. Do — do you have dreams of dark forests with mists that whisper frightening things when you switch?”

Lena’s head shoots up, and she stares at Sam.”No, I don’t. I thought you said you don’t remember anything.”

“I don’t. But when — when I got angry at you at the office, I — I was briefly there, and, god, it sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

“No, it doesn’t.” Lena picks up the tablet and types something into it. “That’s valuable information.”

“Do you know what’s wrong then?” Sam needs answers. Some sort of tangible goal, not this nebulous grey.

“I think Reign is possessing you,” Lena says, bluntly. “When she fronts, you lose all awareness. Your DNA essentially rewrites itself. None of my alters rewrite my DNA. Believe me, I tested myself to verify. It’s likely the Reign cultists targeted you, but what they used to cause this, I’m still researching.”

Sam stares at her, shocked.

“Please, Sam, understand, I wouldn’t tell you this if I wasn’t sure.” Lena’s words are sharp, firm, but her hands tremble, her eyes red-lined as if she’s been crying.

“This is ridiculous.” Sam starts to pace. Her body vibrates with energy, and she feels ill. Like her stomach’s acid eats through her intestines. Looking at the TV makes it worse. “I’m going home to Ruby.” She turns and walks straight into a wall. Startled, she stumbles backward. There’s nothing there.

She reaches out, tentatively, and her fingers bounce against an invisible field. “Lena, what the hell? Let me out!”

Lena shakes her head. Tears shine in her eyes. “I — I can’t. You asked me to help you. This is the only safe way.”

“No!” Sam slams her hand against the field. “Let me out, Lena. I want to see my daughter.”

“Until I find a cure, no.” Her voice shakes, but she holds her chin defiantly.

“So this is how it is?” She has the urge to lash out, to draw blood. Energy jolts through her, and her vision blurs further. Whispers of a fog curls around her mind and body. “Lena Luthor holds her best friend hostage —”

Lena breathes in sharply. “Sam, you asked me to help you.”

“I didn’t ask to be held in a cage!” Sam shoots back. “This was supposed to be just tests.”

Lena closes her eyes and turns away. Her shoulders shake, and her expression contorts. A sure sign she’s fighting against a switch. “I need to check on Ruby.” She takes the tablet and leaves.

The door clangs shut behind her. Silence envelops Sam, and with it, shadows plague her periphery. The light flickers. Fear swiftly replaces her frustration.

The TV still plays news segments. A desk with a monitor and keyboard sits under it. Distract. Must distract, otherwise the shadows creep closer, and the eerie sense of being watched looms larger.

She switches off the TV and settles in the chair. Clicking the start menu, she finds only generic games and a word processor. No internet connection and the clock is hidden. Meaning, she has no clue of the date or time.

Turning, she slams her fists against the forcefield, but it doesn’t budge. She grabs her chair and hits it against it again and again, but still nothing. It stays firmly there. Trapped.

A scream erupts from her throat, and she throws her body at the field, only to slide to the ground in a fit of panicked weeping. Claustrophobia claws through her, and she desperately wraps her arms around herself. Taps her shoulders again and again until the soft beat of her hands transforms the panic into a quiet, anxious simmer.

She thinks through all the years she’s known Lena, and nothing implies a trajectory to this situation. Her blackouts is the new data-point, which means, Lena doesn’t trust her as long as she has them.

Sam doesn't trust herself as long as they keep happening.

She rubs away her tears. Decides to focus on Aikido exercises to pass the time. Thinking about her situation only induces more panic, and she needs to try to stay calm for when Lena returns.

Hours pass. Or maybe minutes. Time flows unsteadily, the buzz of monitors her only sound. When her muscles tire, she plays solitaire and later a generic racing game. Finally, sleep slithers up her spine, and she manages a nap.

When she wakes, Lena sits at the desk again. This time a picture frame lays on the desk by her tablet. “Good morning,” she says with her boardroom voice, a carefully modulated and emotionless tone. “Have you thought about what I’ve told you?”

“Lena, please, don’t play games with me,” Sam pleads. Being alone messes with her mind, and she fears the silence. “Let me go home. I told you, if I killed people, I’d remember.”

Her fingers tap against the tablet. “Amnesiac episodes would not allow you to remember such things.”

“Then give me a better explanation than, ‘hey, you’re a supervillain in your spare time,’” Sam snaps. “Aren’t we family, Lena? Locking me up like this isn’t cool.” Frustration tingles through her limbs, and the urge to lash out bubbles through her. “I guess the saying is right,” she says.

“What saying?” Lena frowns.

“Ask an oncologist what's wrong, they'll say cancer. Ask a pulmonologist, they'll say asthma. Ask a Luthor…” The words freeze on her tongue. What is she saying?

No, no, she can't finish that thought.

Fury radiates from Lena’s eyes, her fists clenched, and her accent is nearly nonexistent. “They'll say Supervillain?” she finishes for Sam. “Maybe on some deep level you do know.” Her voice is cold, deadly almost, as the most unnerving alter of all comes to the front.

Sam shakes her head. “No, no, I didn't mean —”

“Let’s take a look, shall we? How about Morgan Edge, the bastard who tried to poison a city for profit.” Angry Lena walks back and forth by the edge of the forcefield, while her thumb punches the remote.

The television turns on behind Sam to a news segment of the attack on Morgan Edge.

“What I wouldn’t give to see how that played out.” The sneer on Lena's face looks foreign.

Sam scrambles to her feet and backs away, only to hit the other side of the forcefield. “What — what — no.”

“Or what about Supergirl? What did it feel like to connect your fist with something that solid? That powerful?” Another news segment appeared on the screen, where Supergirl falls motionless from a great height. “Or those men?” A third one flashes into view that depicts entrails and mangled bodies. “You tore those men apart. Ripped their limbs from their bodies.” The fury in her voice accents each verb with deadly accuracy. “Did you delight in their deaths?” Angry Lena steps closer, her stormy eyes boring into Sam.

“No!” Sam clenches her fists. Her whole body vibrates, and she feels like she’s about to explode. “Stop this! I just want to go home to my daughter!”

“As if I’d let you near Ruby again,” Angry Lena snarls. “How did it feel living in that house with her day in and day out? When you could easily snap her in half with your bare hands?”

“Stop this!” The energy rattles through her bones, rises up toward her head, and she feels frantic. Something terrible looms, and she can’t stop it.

When Angry Lena speaks again, Sam fails to comprehend. Her words trigger a flare of pain that rips through Sam’s body, catapults her mind into a frigid, grey fog.

Her feet slide on rocky soil.

Branches creak but there is no wind.

Shadows coil in her periphery, whispers caress her ears. Let go. Let go.

Misty hands brush against her ankles. She kicks them away and staggers backward, only for her hand to hit something soft and moist. She screams and jolts her hand away. Her feet slip on the gravelly soil, and she tumbles into a ravine. She curls up with her hands above her head and whimpers.

“Four, eight, twelve,” she counts, just like she did many times with Lena, “sixteen, twenty...”

The coldness abates, the fog fades, and light warms her eyelids. Pain burns through her body. She gasps and opens her eyes to find herself flat on her back.

Around her, the bed has been torn in half. The desk shredded. The monitor is ripped apart, and the television swings back and forth on its cords. A video plays. She watches the last bit of Angry Lena's cruel words, then the monstrous change ripples through Sam's body.

Not-Sam unleashes heat vision and tears apart the room with her bare hands.

Terror freezes her, her eyes wide. Metal snaps off the bed and hurls at the force field. It shimmers brightly. Lena ducks behind her desk in the video, and that sours Sam's mouth with bile.

She leaps forward to stab at the TV’s buttons in desperation. “Turn it off, turn it off!”

The television goes silent.

“We — we needed you to see it for yourself.” Lena’s voice whispers, pain in her voice. “And we didn’t know how else to do it. You — you weren’t listening. I’m sorry, Sam.”

“All those people…” Sam crumples and breaks into tears. Her hands are coated in blood. How can she ever face her daughter again?

The forcefield flickers and drops on one side, while Lena springs to her side. “Sam, Sam, it wasn’t your fault.” She wraps her arms tightly around her shoulders and presses her forehead against Sam's. “You weren’t in control. When Reign fronted, I got samples of her DNA, okay? And knowledge is power. We’re going to get you through this, okay?”

Sobs cascade through her body. She doesn’t know for how long she cries, but Lena rocks her gently. Kisses her temple, and strokes her hair.

Her voice changes to the thicker Irish brogue of Kieran. “It’s okay, luv. It’s okay. You’re not alone in this. We understand. We can cure this. Lena has a plan, and I’m sorry we spoke so harshly. It won’t ever happen again.”

Sam clings to such frail hope. Slowly, her sobs slow. She shivers and pulls back. “Kieran, you — you can’t be in here with me then. Not — not if I could turn into Reign.”

Kieran brushes hair from Sam’s face and cups her cheek, her eyes a turquoise color instead of Lena's usual emerald. “We know the risk.” She pulls out a phone and gently places it in Sam’s hands. “Call your daughter. We’ll clean up.” She kisses Sam on the forehead, and stands with a sad smile.

The affection in Kieran's voice takes the breath from Sam. For a moment, she stares up at her best friend, the part that has stayed fiercely loyal to Sam, and always touches her with such reverence.

Kieran doesn’t just love her as a friend, but perhaps more than one.

But Sam can never act on this realization, not with her complex roles in Lena’s life — Lena’s best friend, this nebulous more than friends with Kieran, the almost motherly role for Rory, and the grounding role for Angry Lena.

Her current state mars her roles, darkens her impact, threatens to sever their connection. The hurtful words they hurled at each other fade to a dull ache. Instead, Sam holds back a sob of grief. Her roles in Lena's and Ruby's lives define her.

Without them, who is she? How can she be useful to anyone?

She looks down at the phone and sags against the wall.

Kieran pushes out the shattered bed and desk. Sweeps away the glass and metal. A new bed she rolls into the enclosure.

As she works, Sam unlocks her phone and stares at the number for Ruby’s emergency phone. What does she even say? Grief lances through her, her heart charred by the horrors.

Her best friend finishes and pauses at Sam’s side. “Call,” she says, quietly. “You need to hear her voice as much as she needs yours.” The thicker accent is gone, and Lena’s deep emerald eyes meet Sam’s. She reaches out to gently trail her fingers along Sam’s right temple. “I’ll be just outside the enclosure, okay?”

Sam nods. She waits until the hum of the forcefield activates before she finally speaks. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier.”

“It’s okay, Sam. We’re sorry too.” Lena sits down on the other side, her tablet on the ground next to her. “We understand how scary this is. But a cure is possible. Whatever the cultists did, we can undo, okay?”

Sam shudders and tries to believe Lena, but her hope is fragile. Her mind keeps spinning back to the news segments, to the deaths by her hands — even if she wasn’t the one fronting. Images of entrails clog her thoughts.

No. Think of anything else. She takes a shaky breath and lets it out slowly. Thinks instead of the softness of Lena's hands against her face.

And the smile of her daughter as she eagerly shares a story from school.

Precious grounding moments.

She finally hits the dial button.

“Mom?” Ruby's voice shakes at first but then steadies. “Is it you?”

“Hey Rubes, it’s me. I wanted to check in on you.” She doesn’t dare tell her where she really is. In case it puts her in danger.

“Mom, are you okay? Is Aunt Lena with you?”

“Yes, she is. And the truth is, I am sick, so I have to stay in the hospital for a little while longer. But I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Can I come see you? I miss you.”

“Oh baby, I miss you too.” The tears flow harder, and she chokes back a sob. “But you can’t. It may be contagious, and I can’t risk you. Aunt Lena will be by to check on you, okay? And I’ll be home as soon as I’m better.”

It feels so futile. So banal of a promise. She can’t bring herself to lie further.

“But Mom, can't I just put on one of Lena's special hazmat suits? I'll be good!” Tears mangle part of her words, but Sam understands.

“No, you need to do what Aunt Lena says is best. She's good at what she does, okay? She's helping me too. I promise you, we'll get through this, okay?”

Ruby's sobs echo in Sam's ears. “Mom… I love you, okay? And maybe we can do a video call instead?”

No. No, she can't let Ruby see her in this state. “We'll see. I love you, Rubes. Love you so much. Be good for your Aunt Lena.” She hangs up before Ruby can say another word.

Lena speaks then. “Don’t worry about Ruby. I’ll take her to —”

“Don’t tell me where she is,” Sam interjects with a strangled sob. She looks up to see Lena fighting tears too. “Not until I’m cured.”

Lena nods as a few tears escape. That Sam can’t bear. To be the cause of it? She hides her face against her knees and curls up against the wall. Sobs broil down her body.

Behind her, Kieran’s Irish brogue sings a haunting tune that wraps around Sam, soothes her pain, until her sobs fade to ragged breathing and counting in multiples of four.

The next few weeks is torturous. Sam's hold on reality untethers as her sense of time and space evaporates into a haze of pain and fear. A war of fluorescent lights versus seething grey fog. They learn that the place Sam's mind goes is an alternate dimension related to the possession.

Waking from that dimension leaves Sam in a cold sweat. She leans against the forcefield with Lena leaning against the otherside. "How do you deal with this daily?" Sam wipes away her tears. "I — I don't know how to move forward. Not with — with that monster inside me."

"Acceptance of the truth is the first step," Lena admits. "I always had Kieran. They wrote in our shared journal and signed the entries. But to learn of new alters? Practice acceptance. You're already good at it."

"How can I accept that a blood-thirsty killer is inside me?" Sam whispers. "I never want to hurt anyone."

"It's not about accepting their actions, Sam. It's about accepting that they exist. You don't have to nor should you accept what they do." Lena shifts to press her hand against the forcefield. "Look at me, hun."

Sam turns and meets Lena's green eyes.

"My alters are me," she says, quietly. "We may have split into separate parts, each of unique in a way, but they are still me. But Reign is not you. Reign was forced on you. Accept she exists, but resist her control. This is your body."

"How do I do that?" Sam presses her hand over Lena's, the forcefield separating them from feeling the other's touch.

"You do it with me often. Ground oneself in the present. For you, ground yourself in your body. In your senses." Lena taps her ears and above her eyes. "It may feel like a fight, but you are strong." She taps her leg and tilts her head, her accent still the light one of Lena. "Since you go to that other dimension, try focusing on your body and how it feels. Imagine each sense, the height and weight, and clothes. Imagination is a powerful tool."

Sam ponders Lena's advice and wonders if she can pull it off while terrified out of her mind. Maybe if she practiced enough? "Can we go through this as an exercise? To practice?"

Lena smiles, faintly. "Sure."

They spend the next two hours practicing, and make it part of their daily activities. Each practice session, Sam feels a little stronger, more like she might actually be able to pull it off if she gets trapped in the other realm.

A week later, Lena attempts to capture data during Sam's times in the alternate dimension. One day she accidentally causes both Sam and Reign to manifest in that terrifying forest.

Branches curl toward her, and whispers coil around her. Shivering, she turns and freezes. An exact copy of herself stands a few feet away, clad in black, except her eyes are red. They shine in the dark fog.

She dives behind a tree.

“Sam, do you truly think you can resist me?” the words slide off the other's tongue like poisoned honey.

One second Reign is several trees away, and the next she's at Sam's side. Her hands reach for Sam's shoulder.

Sam throws herself backward. “Don't touch me.” She strives for bravado. Grabbing a stick, she swings it desperately.

Reign stalks her, moving unnaturally fast. One moment on Sam's left, the next on her right. Fog billows around her like monstrous wings, and the air charged with sparks of black lightning. Trees creak despite no wind. The cold leeches away Sam's energy.

Stay focused. Sam adapts her breathing to her Aikido training, her stance to a loose defensive one. This time her swing hits Reign in the chest.

Reign snaps the branch like a twig, and darts forward to snag Sam's throat. She's slammed against a tree. Red eyes bore into her. Whispers from the broiling fog chant, let go, let go.

No! She can’t leave Ruby. Or Lena.

She knees Reign in the stomach. The grip loosens enough for her to twist and perform a throw. Gasping in air, she stumbles backward. Her body — she needs to imagine what her body feels like. As she runs from Reign, who is staggering to her feet still, she pictures how her legs feel while running in the real world. How her muscles pump, how the fabric of her clothes rub against her skin, the way her hair falls across her neck and back, and the sweat that dampens her hair's roots.

She trips and falls through the ground and into the soft blankets of the medical bed. She's back in the forcefield room, far from Reign. Sam weeps and curls up, the fire in her veins pulses from the device on her shoulder. “No, no, don't do that again, Lena.”

“What happened?” Lena presses her hand against the forcefield, but she doesn't lower it or come closer.

“I was there with Reign.” Sam shudders. “God, that monster. You got to stop her, Lena. Please.”

“Oh crap.” Lena drops her hand to her side. “I — I got a sample of the enzyme causing the change just now. While you were passed out. I think I can synthesize a cure from it.”

Sam clings to the first good news in weeks. But like all good things, the very next day, the world erupts into chaos.

Two aliens rip apart concrete and metal and break into Lena’s lab. Seconds later, Supergirl and three others teleport into the room in a flash of red light. In the ensuing fight, Sam loses control.

She crashes into the nightmare realm. Mists seethe over her, and this time she can’t find her way back to her own body. Claw-like branches leer over her, whispers to let go tug at her ears, and the ground heaves like it breathes.

Desperate, she stumbles to her feet. Faces form in the mists and dive at her. She ducks and runs.

She trips over something soft. Turning, she gasps and jerks her leg off the body. A Korean woman lies there, her face locked in a silent scream.

Sam gasps and scrambles backward. Slipping, she tumbles down a ravine and into a cavern. Flickering blue light shimmers in its depths. One hand against the wall, she stumbles forward.

Turning a corner, she stops in shock. Black woman carves words into the sandstone rock. Names, places, but other words make no sense. Over and over, she carves and mutters incoherently.

"Hello?" Sam tries, but the woman doesn't respond. She only carves and shivers.

That’s when Sam sees firsthand how this realm eats away memories. Tears down the mind, until there is nothing left but to die.

She doesn’t know how long she’s there. But soon the whispers and growing pain starts to eat into her too. Her mind grows foggy, her memories slither away like oil.

She keeps the other woman company but struggles to remember why. Finds her own sharp rock and carves her name, Ruby's, and Lena’s along with anything else she can remember.

Faces form in the mists, and whispers slither like hands across her shoulders. She shivers and carves until her hands and arms ache.

The woman coughs, shakes, and freezes with glassy eyes. Sam watches in horror as the woman ceases to breath and tips over as if frozen solid. Mists coil over the body, faces form in the shadows, and mist hands sweep over the body.

Horror spikes, and Sam scrambles deeper into the cave. Near bubbling pools, one clear and one muddy. The walls of the cave close in on her.

Sobbing, she carves the names over and over. Figures coalesce, familiar until their faces twist into snarls, their eyes empty sockets. She huddles closer to the rock wall, ducks her head, and digs her rock deeper into the sandstone.

Her nails start to bleed, her palm raw. Still she carves.

A voice calls out her name. An almost familiar one. “Sam?”

She keeps carving. It’s another phantom. Another to distract her from her task.

“Sam. Sam, it’s me.” Gentle hands turn her face.

She looks into emerald eyes. “No — not real…” She tries to tug free, but this one is solid unlike the others. Fear curdles through her. She’s too weak too fight. Now they’ll kill her like the others.

“Sam, please, I really am here.” The green-eyed lady strokes her cheek in a familiar, almost calming way. “Count with me, okay? Four, eight, twelve, sixteen…”

“Twenty, twenty-four, twenty-eight…” Sam murmurs. Slowly, a memory surfaces of her doing exactly this with someone she loves. The name peels back. “Lena. You’re Lena.”

“Yes.” Lena embraces her. “Yes, it’s me.”

“But you — you’re not real.” Sam clings to her and a sob clogs her throat.

“I am. I really am.” Lena cards her fingers through Sam’s hair. “Supergirl and her friends helped me reach this place. She’s here with me, see?” She turns to look back, her arm still tight around Sam’s shoulders.

Two people stand behind Lena. One in a red cape with a red and blue suit. The other dressed in black with red hair cut short. Both familiar but the names escape Sam.

“Hey Sam,” the red-head says. “Remember me? We hang out a lot with your daughter. Gone clubbing a few times. You can drink me under the table.”

“Alex.” More names and memories bubble through the fog. “Supergirl?” She looks at the caped hero.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Supergirl smiles sadly. “Lena found a way to help you, but we need to find Reign first. We got to capture her. Go back to your body and signal us.”

“I — I don’t know how.”

“Hun, you do,” Lena says fiercely. “Just like you’ve always done for me when I’m lost in the fog.”

“Fog…” Sam struggles to remember, but the memories dance just out of reach. “What — what did I do for you?”

Lena breathes in sharply. She gently brushes Sam’s hair from her face. “I’ll teach you like you taught me. Count and breathe with me. Feel your body, use all of your senses.” She resumes counting. “Thirty-two, thirty-six, forty…”

Sam closes her eyes and leans her forehead against Lena’s shoulder. “Forty-four, forty-eight, fifty-two…” The multiples of four ground her, centers her breaths, and she feels a faint tug in her mind. She smells the air, feels Lena's touch against her skin, the weight of clothes on her body. As she continues to count with Lena, that tug grows stronger until it broils over.

She breaths in sharply and finds herself in a large cavern. On either side of her, two woman clad in a grey and black suit similar to her own chant in an unfamiliar language. Beyond them stands two people dressed in black robes with hoods, but they stand silent, eyes closed.

Energy seethes from the Reign-like women’s hands and her own. More sparks fly into the well in the center of the room. To her horror, with each pulse, the well burrows deeper, the bottom almost out of sight.

Quakes shimmer outward from the well, but the energy roots them. Meanwhile, the cavern itself shakes at each pulse, and a few stones fall near the hooded figures. Behind her, she sees a control panel with a blue crystal glowing in the center of it.

A memory surges through the simmering fog in her mind. That’s the same crystal she’d found when she went to speak to her adopted mother. It came from a pod in her mother's garage. Attackers had descended on them like rabid coyotes. She'd defended her mother, until a song ensnared her with pain. A dark fog blinded all her senses. She’d been trapped in a shroud of whispers, until she woke the next day in her bed at home.

Fury ignites. Lena is right yet again. Cultists did something, and it relates to that damn crystal.

It takes all of her strength to jerk herself out of the energy circle. Sparks sear across her skin.

She throws herself at the control panel, just as the two hooded figures call out in anger. She tugs it free. The energy currents flicker and go dark. She smashes the crystal against the console.

Howls of fury screech behind her. She’s ripped away from the panel, thrown across the cavern, and slams into stone. She stumbles to her feet, angry and desperate to stay in control.

The other two aliens attack, and she blocks their punches. Falls into her defensive stance. Throws one with a breath throw, and the other she dodges. Beyond them, the hooded figures start to chant, a harsh discordant melody. Black fog rises from the ground.

Sam knows she’s running out of time, but if she’s to get the signal out, she has to take out these assholes first.

She blocks their punches and tosses one of the Reign-like woman into the console. Strength beyond what she's ever felt burns through her, and she rips apart a rock to slam into the first Reign-like woman. She slumps against the broken console.

The second one catches her by surprise and slams a fist into her head. Sam stumbles, only to get another punch in the gut. She gasps and falls to her knees.

Dark fog curls around her legs.

But her body is still in the transformed state. She lets out a roar and ignites the heat vision. It slices through the cavern’s roof, burning through to the sky above.

The other Reign-like being punches her, and she skids across the ground. Her heat vision sputters to a stop. Another kick spends her spinning, and she lands far too close to the hooded figures. The dark fog coils around her, suffocates her breath, but dammit, if she’s going out, then she’s taking them with her.

She hurls herself into the hooded figures. One raises a hand, and she bounces against a shield.

Their feet still connect with the earth though. She digs her fingers deep and tugs upward with all her strength. The ground splits and the hooded figures shout. One tumbles into the pit, and the other snags a rock, holding on for dear life.

A chant sounds behind her. The remaining Reign-like asshole and sings a grating melody that bleeds into Sam's consciousness, like a worms burrowing into her flesh.

She can feel her consciousness start to slip away. She’s running out of time.

Desperate, she gathers the last vestiges of her will and rips up the ground and hurls it into the pit. The remaining figure falls screaming. Energy shoots upward, and the cavern shakes. Rocks slam down atop her. Her vision blackens.

She tumbles through the earth and hits the misty cavern of the nightmare realm. But no one is there. Lena and the others are gone. Shadows leer, lights flicker like sparks, and the pools behind her broil with wisps of light.

Terror threatens, but Sam grabs a rock and slams it against the sandstone. Ruby needs her. Lena needs her. She must hold tight to hope. Let it fuel her and burn away the memory-consuming fog.

She resumes her carving, and hours — days? — later violet energy sears into the ground around her. Pain rockets through her, and she screams in agony. Her cells rip and reform.

She’s thrown backward, through the earth, and slams into cold tile. There she shudders against the ground, spent.

“Sam?” Lena’s sweet voice, the one with the wisp of an accent, breaks through her exhaustion.

A warm blanket falls across her body. Sam blinks upward to see Lena holding a beaker stained with a black liquid. Relief surges at the sight of her beautiful face and emerald eyes.

“Do — do you have some Tylenol?” Sam manages a faint smile.

Lena drops to her side in relief, the beaker falls, and rolls under a half destroyed table. All around her lies the remains of a wrecked laboratory, and there, seated crosslegged near them is a cape-less Supergirl. She sights Alex and two others she doesn’t recognize sorting through the rubble.

“Sam.” Lena wraps her arms around her. Her warmth a balm to the cold that still clings to her from the nightmare realm. “God, I’m so glad you’re back.”

“You did it then?” She feels weak, shaky, but whole. Like a massive weight been lifted from her shoulders. “Destroyed Reign?”

“Obliterated her to dust,” Supergirl says, softly. “All thanks to Lena’s genius and a fancy, magical rock that hurt like hell to touch.”

“We couldn’t have done it without you, Sam,” Lena protests. “That signal you sent worked.”

“You stopped the cultists too,” Supergirl says, proudly. “Found them unconscious in that energy well. And you knocked out Reign. Made capturing her easy.”

“She did get feisty during the administering of the antidote,” Lena adds. She smiles tentatively, but her eyes still shine with a deep worry and sadness. “but we handled it.”

The tears in Lena’s eyes hurt to see. To know that Sam — even if it was some creepy alien possession using her body — caused that hurt? How much did it hurt her daughter too? How will they recover?

She wants to go home and hug Ruby, to reassure her that she’s back for good this time. To return to being just a CFO for Lena’s company. Back to her singleton self — as Lena often calls her.

But first, she wants to wipe away that worry from her best friend’s face.

“What can I say?” Sam jokes. “I just got that killing punch.” Her joke falls flat, and she ends up in tears instead. Who is she kidding? She can’t ever go back to the way things were after this. Her hands are stained now, even if it was another entity that used them for evil.

Lena holds her, gently rocking her. “Let it out, Sam. You’re safe now.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sam whispers. She clings to Lena and huddles under the warmth of the red cape. “All this horror? All those people dead?”

“Hey, that wasn’t you.” Lena strokes her hair. “Don’t take on the crimes of another.”

“She’s right,” Supergirl says, gently. “Reign was forced onto you against your will. You are a victim. A survivor in this. And in time, you will heal. Take it in steps.”

Sam takes a shuddering breath. Those words are ones she’s often said to Lena. What had once been abstract prior, now blossoms into a deep understanding. Lena may not be trapped in a nightmare realm when other alters front, but the pain and fear that amnesiac moments cause? Sam understands now.

And now she can do better. For herself, Lena, and Ruby. To find a new path forward.

#lena luthor #kara danvers #Sam Arias #Yes I refuse to kill off Jack but he's in a coma for two thirds of the fic sadly #I also altered the worldkiller crisis so that Sam can stay human by having it be a foreign enzyme she is infected with by the cultists #Mon-el doesn't exist in his fic because fuck him #Kara is still in love with Lena but doesn't know Lena has DID #Sam's story is a horror story honestly #The fic covers Sam's story then Kara's story and of course Lena's story #This bit is from the second part - Unravels #The first part is called The Event and is mostly Lena's story #Unravels is part Sam's story and Part Kara's story #The final part is called Integration and focuses on the healing aspects of their journeys #I'm almost done writing it #P.S. Also no weird time traveling with the worldkiller crisis and Alex is with Kara for the Argo trip #Basically I remix canon as I see fit #superreign #Supercorp eventually #supergirl #supergirl au #cw supergirl #supergirl cw

39 notes · View notes