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writerswall26 · 7 months

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My Sweet Cairo (Part 8)

Synopsis: The Ravens' Soccer team Captain fell in love for Cairo Sweet

Warning: Slight cursing, Emotions, Mention of death and SH.

Words: 2.4k

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A/N: I was so pumped while writing this. I enjoyed this part so much. We get to know what really happened and flesh out R's father's mind. We also saw Cairo being responsible and using the advices she received to get some help! Happy Reading!

Y/N tried to avoid being alone the entire day, not wanting to give Cairo the opportunity to have even a minute to talk to her. What Cairo told her a few nights ago is still stuck in her head. She doesn't know if she should be afraid or what.

"Hey, Y/—"

"Will you walk me home?" Cairo cut Jasmine off as soon as Y/N got out of her last class of the day. She was not expecting Cairo to wait for her!

Y/N looked shocked and confused. She gave Jasmine a look. But her friend just stood by and watched the scene unfold. Traitor!

"Y/N, walk me home, please?" Cairo said, sweetly this time, with a smile on her face.

"Uhm, I'm sorry but I have—"

"Uh no, we're not going. I gotta study for a pop quiz tomorrow. Winnie's coming to help me, I'm sorry dude." Jasmine cut the taller girl off.

Y/N glared at her while Cairo smiled widely. "So?" Cairo asked cutely, for fuck's sake!

"Uhm, sure." Y/N said hesitantly.

"Great!" Cairo said happily before she held the taller girl's hand and pulled her.

Y/N didn't say a single word as she turned to Jasmine and gave her a look, mouthing "I'm killing you tomorrow, you traitor!"

On the way home, the two of them did not say a word. They went with Y/N's route instead of Cairo's since Y/N has her bike with her.

"I've talked to Mr. Miller." Cairo started, causing Y/N to stop for a moment.

"Why?" She asked before she followed Cairo again.

"I went to apologise." Cairo started, causing Y/N to furrow her brows. "I'm seeing a therapist now," Cairo said, glancing at Y/N who looked really confused, and cute. "Your mom referred me to a work colleague of hers. Told me it might help with the issues I had."

Y/N is confused, like really confused. "Mum did that? Why?"

Cairo shrugged. "We were together for a few hours before you came when we had dinner. She confronted me about what I did. Told me the same thing you said, how messed up it was. Then she told me about a friend of hers, a therapist, she told me I should check it out, see if it helps. That's why I went to Mr. Miller. I want to sort things out before graduation."

"What did Mr. Miller say?"

"We sat down, talked about what went wrong, what happened. He apologized to me too. He accepted the fact that he was in the wrong too, that he wasn't careful and clear, that he stepped the boundaries and led me on."

Well that's... incredibly surprising. Y/N never thought she'd be hearing a redemption arc between two messed up individuals. Although, she's happy to hear that Mr. Miller's finally seen what he did wrong. That's a huge point. And she's happy that Cairo's seeking out help.

"So, how long would you be going to therapy?" Y/N asked, glancing at Cairo who pursed her lips.

"I don't know. As long as I need, I guess. It's not really that bad." Cairo said, smiling at the thought that Y/N is finally talking to her with anger and resentment in her voice.

"How about when you go to college? You wouldn't know anyone around there."

"My therapist knows a friend where I'm going to go. She said she'd refer me to him and continue therapy there."

Y/N nodded. "That's a good thing."

Cairo looked up at her, a smile on her face, her dimples showing. "How long have you gone to therapy?"

Y/N pursed her lips. "A year and a half, I guess? My therapist told me she was proud of my progress so she adviced that I spend my time being a normal kid. She told me I should come to her whenever I need and so far, it's all good."

Cairo nodded. "That's good. I'm proud of you."

Y/N chuckled, lowering her head. "Alright, mum." She said, which made Cairo laugh as well.

They continued walking silently, comfortable silence this time until they reached Cairo's place.

"Here's you." Y/N said, stopping in front of Cairo's house.

The brunette turned to her and gave her a smile. "Thank you for walking me home."

Y/N nodded. "It's no biggie."

Cairo leaned up and gave her a kiss on the cheek before she walked inside the house, throwing a glance at the tall girl who waved at her.

When Y/N was sure Cairo's finally inside, she rode her bike and went home where she waited for her mum to come home to ask questions.

That night, when Y/M/N came home, she was immediately cornered by Y/N at dinner.

"I was wondering," Y/N started. "What were you talking about with Cairo before I got home that night?"

Y/M/N gave her a smile. "You, Mr. Miller, dad." The older woman answered shortly.

Y/N furrowed her brows. "You talked to her about dad?"

Y/M/N nodded. "Yes, I wanted her to know how terrible of a person she was for doing what she did. But then there's Mr. Miller."

"Who's not entirely at fault."

"But he was indeed the adult in the situation."

"You're defending Cairo, mum."

Y/M/N looked at her daughter, seeing the problem once and for all. "I'm not defending Cairo, what she did was wrong, yes. But don't you think what Mr. Miller did was far worse than that?"

Y/N stayed quiet, thinking.

"Honey, Mr. Miller's case is different from your dad's case. You have to see that." Y/M/N explained, Y/N is being blinded by what happened to her dad.

"I know. I know it's different."

"And?" Y/M/N tried to probe further.

"I'm not defending Mr. Miller either, mum. If that's what you think. Maybe I'm over compensating. Maybe I thought by helping Mr. Miller, I gave justice to what happened to dad. But what if I'm wrong, mum?"

"Are you? Look at it from an outside perspective, honey. Look at it both ways."

Y/N furrowed her brows. She doesn't know where to go from here. It's weird talking about this with her mum but at the same time, the answers are clearer. Her mind wasn't being blocked by her emotions, her father's connection to the case. If there's anyone to blame, it's the both of them, Cairo and Mr. Miller. There's no one to defend, no one to side with.

"There's always a connection, honey." Her mum brought her back to her senses. "But there's a huge difference and that's what I want you to see. Yes, Cairo was in the wrong for seducing Mr. Miller. But is it entirely her fault? Is it really? Why would she act that way if Mr. Miller didn't do anything wrong?"

"Was I wrong for helping Mr. Miller?" Y/N finally asked, looking at her mum with worried eyes.

Y/M/N gave her a smile as she held her hand, squeezing it to assure her. "You did what you thought was right at the time. You saved both of them by doing so. Don't beat yourself up for it."

Y/N stayed up that night thinking of what her mum had told her. She wasn't really thinking when she lent a hand to Mr. Miller. She knew it was wrong, she heard it from Mr. Miller himself. And yet, she still sided with him for what? For her father? No, she thought. It's for personal gain. She had the power to turn the story around, and she did. So what does that say about her?

She's no different from those students she despises the most. Maybe even worse. Her thoughts are so incriminating, so powerful that she did not blink sleep that night.

So the next day when she got to class, she was noticeably tired. She looked like a walking zombie and anyone who sees her thought so too. Her friends and Cairo saw that too and they were worried.

"What happened to you?" Winnie asked over lunch when Y/N didn't even touch her food, she's usually a foodie.

Y/N gave her a tired look and shook her head. "I'm just tired."

"We can see that, dude. You have dark circles around your eyes." Jasmine said, as worried.

Y/N sighed. "Did you guys think I made the wrong decision? When I stood up for Mr. Miller?"

Winnie and Jasmine turned to one another, giving each other looks.

"I mean, what Cairo did was fucked up. She literally wrote a porn story between her and Mr. Miller." Jasmine said, as a matter of fact.

"However, I don't think Cairo's entirely at fault. I mean, she messed up but not entirely her fault." Winnie said, on the other hand.

Y/N groaned. "Maybe I should've just shut my mouth and let them do whatever to Mr. Miller."

"Hey, woah, hold up." Jasmine started, getting the attention of her friend. "You did what you thought was best, okay? Both of them fucked up, that's a fact. The other one stepped on the fine line, and the other one was led on. There's no winning in this situation."

"Whatever you did, you did it for them both. Struck two birds with one stone, as they say." Winnie said, holding Y/N's hand and squeezing it gently.

Y/N gave them a small smile and nodded. "Maybe I shouldn't really beat myself up with this one."

"Damn right, you shouldn't." Jasmine said, giving her an assuring smile.

After their class, she was already outside Cairo's last class, waiting for the girl to come out. When Cairo saw her, an immediate smile drew her face.

"What are you doing here? You should've gone home and got some sleep. Look at you." Cairo said, holding a gentle hand to Y/N's cheek to look at her face.

"Can I walk you home?" Y/N asked with a sheepish smile.

Cairo was shocked to say the least. She did not expect that. She was expecting Y/N to come around but not this fast. Still, she was happy about it.

"Sure." Cairo smiled, holding out a hand to Y/N to shake her head.

"That's reaching."

"Oh." Cairo said, a bit disappointed but she smiled it away.

"Come on."

The duo walked out of school together. They're all smiles and shit but still, Y/N cannot take her mind off her conversation with her mum. She might as well talk to Cairo now.

So when they got to Cairo's place, the brunette did not expect that Y/N would park her car on the fence and followed her to her front porch. The taller girl sat on the step and patted the space beside her.

"What's going on?" Cairo asked, sitting beside Y/N who gave her a smile.

The taller girl stayed quiet for a moment, contemplating. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened."

Cairo nodded. "What do you want to talk about?" She asked, wanting Y/N to start the conversation.

"I don't know. I just want to have clarity. I had a talk with my mum last night. It was a hard pill to swallow but, I guess it was needed."

""What happened to him? Your dad?" Cairo asked, glancing at Y/N who was looking at the trees ahead.

"My mum didn't tell you?" She asked, confused. She thought they spoke about her dad.

"Not all of it."

Y/N glanced at Cairo, contemplating if she should tell her about it or not. A part of her doesn't want to, because talking about it means relieving it and she hates that. She hates that she's going back to that time. But a huge part of her wants to let it all out, just throw it out there and forget about it all.

She chose the latter.

Y/N took a deep breath.

"I don't know when it started. My dad was really passionate about teaching. He was really good at what he did. He's a great father, you know? He was always present and attentive to my needs." Y/N started, smiling at the memory of her father in every soccer game, every recital, every academic competitions, everything. He was always there, always smiling and looking proud.

"One semester during sophomore year, he came home all happy and giddy, it wasn't unusual really. He was always happy and giddy. But this one's just different. He told us he had met this student in class, he thought she was brilliant." Y/N stopped for a moment, trying to calm herself down before she started crying and shouting.

Cairo noticed how hard it is for Y/N to continue so she held the taller girl's hand in her own and squeezed it. "You don't have to continue. I believe I got the gist of it."

Y/N shook her head and turned to Cairo with a pained smile. "I want to continue."

Cairo looked worried, but she nodded nonetheless. "Okay. But you can stop anytime." She gave out an assuring smile.

Y/N nodded, squeezing Cairo's hand gently. "He told mum and I all about this girl. We were amazed by her. So we told dad to bring her home one time so we could talk. He did. We had a barbeque one saturday, family's all there and she was there. I thought she was brilliant, she was so fascinating with all the things she knew. Little did we know, she would cause the biggest heart break to ever happen to us."

Y/N shook her head. "During the middle of the semester, my father started to act weird. He started getting drunk, not sleeping, he started being absent. One day he came home and told us he was let go of his job. My mum and I asked why, he never answered. The days after that, he became difficult. He would pick a fight with me and mum. He would get angry. He would get drunk, pass out on the couch. I slowly watched my father become a shell of what he used to be. He just stopped functioning."

Cairo could not help it anymore. She stood up and went in front of Y/N, hugging the girl in her arms tightly as she gently brushed Y/N's hair with her fingers, wanting the taller girl to know that she's there, that it's okay. Y/N leaned in Cairo's arms, sighing heavily.

"Then my mum knew about what happened. Turns out the girl orchestrated a plan for my dad to get fired. She invited my dad for coffee one time, asked a friend to take a couple of pictures that looked intimate. The school board didn't like it. Had an entire meeting about it. My dad tried to fight with all his might. Turns out when he started acting weird, that's when he was battling with those accusations. It took only 3 photos and one girl for my dad to lose everything. One day after I won a game, I showed my medal to my dad but he didn't say anything. Next thing I know, I was running to their room. Then I saw him, blood everywhere, his body unmoving. He was gone, Cairo."

This is the most Cairo has seen Y/N vulnerable. Now she understood perfectly why Y/N wanted to help Mr. Miller. What happened to her dad was unjust. So when told the school board that Cairo's accusations were baseless, this is what she meant. What happened to Y/N's father were baseless accusations.

So, she just stood there, holding Y/N in her arms, letting her let out all the frustrations and emotions she's bottled up the entire time.

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x fem reader #cairo sweet x reader #tara carpenter x reader #wednesday addams x reader #cairo sweet #tara carpenter #wednesday addams #miller's girl

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suguru-getos · 10 months

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| Aftermath | Keigo Takami x f!TherapistReader |

-> chapter one

summary: hawks who has just lost his quirk in the war & coping with his life as a quirkless man, decides to finally listen to his own self & seek therapy. why did he choose a quirkless therapist? maybe to seek solidarity— or maybe, he hoped you’d not judge him.

warnings: therapy, childhood!trauma, bnha!spoilers, mentions of inner child healing, keigo talks about his childhood, mentions of toxic!parenting, cocky!kei as always.

a/n: don't mind me giving my comfort character and my loml some healing lmaooo <33 i had sm fun writing this istg it made my heart warm. this is a slow burn fic, and the reader is a self-insert on some points because i can get self indulgent tehee!!

You wandered aimlessly, looking around the suite-like cabin and then down the skyline. Tokyo was always beautiful, even now when winters had just started to greet. There was a foggy blanket of clouds covering the labyrinth of buildings and you could never get over it. With your next client, it was obvious your thoughts were along the lines of… an Angel flying out in the skies keeping everyone safe, now reduced to someone without wings. Still an Angel though, but that's what you think. Maybe he doesn't.

You grimly sighed when your eyes wandered at the clock, there were still 30 minutes to your appointment, normally… someone like you would never get the opportunity to deal with heroes so popular. Hawks was a no show after the war, people thought he had died. People thought he left Japan for good. Though a faint glimmer of hope always made you want to believe he's still around. To your surprise when he was your client, you felt a knot on your stomach churn with anticipation and excitement.

You sat on your velvety chair, the lights dim and comfortable to the modernized architecture of your office. You gulped, opening his file and looking at the passport photograph of him. The scar he got in one of the fights in which a villain named Dabi publicized his kill was there, siren eyes staring into your very soul were there. How could you even try to open up someone who looks so ethereal and so threatening at the same time. You feel just as nervous as your first time, the personality that Hawks carries eating away at you slowly. You shook your head, jerking the thoughts away. Be professional, he is a client and you're doing your job.

If you hadn't been so dazed by your favorite hero and your crush; you were quite a number yourself. Cut-throat, not afraid to walk the talk, stern, fierce, kind and disciplined. People respect you and you command it when they don't. Not afraid to force someone to bend the knee if they indulge in animosity with you. It's just… Hawks was someone you admired oh-so-much! You had his merch and posters after all. Not that he would get to know that, oh no. That'd never happen.

Takami Keigo, 26, Born on December 28th. Blood group B+, MBTI-> ENTP, Schooling and training and everything was blank. Difficult, this would be a difficult case to deal with.

How did you fangirl over him? Well, that's perhaps for another day.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. He's here." Your assistant opened the door with a knock and you felt your stomach sink, biting your lip nervously and clearing your throat to gain composure.

"Hey there doc!" there he was, with his magical grin and long palms raised up to his eye level as he waved. Wearing denims and a loose fitted white T-Shirt. Casual, cute, confident.

"Oh hello Hawks!" You manifested the same energy, greeting him respectfully by standing up and bowing a little. "Jeez, can't get rid of the name yet huh?" He chuckles, though your mind has already starting to process if it was a fake one, the carefully crafted hero chuckle or was he genuinely this chill.

"I don't think so, whether or not you do hero work, you own the name." you responded with a smile, ushering him to take his seat. Oh he manspreads, leaning back and getting comfortable. Makes you wonder if he can see through the cracks of your personality just as you're trying to see in his. Who will unfold who first…

You closed the client book you had, looking into the beautiful goldens of his eyes and making eye contact. "So, I know the first session is usually the most awkward one. People try to get to know their shrink before letting themselves to open up." You glanced, and Hawks looked like he would devour you whole. He looked invested in your words, not in a faking concentration way… in a 'I will listen to what you have to say' way.

"Allow me to share some stuff about myself then, my name is Y/N. I am a therapist good morning. Apart from that, I like to participate in various hobbies like kickboxing, journalling, playing games, spending time with my cat, yada yada. I am an INTJ, I think MBTI has started taking the same wavelength in Japan as Korea huh? Everyone's obsessed with em' I think."

"Well" Hawks clicked his tongue, clearly unamused by your introduction, it was brief and curt. Not a fair deal for someone who will unravel him… then again, you are his therapist, not vice versa.

"I think so too, do you know, a lot of the fans pretend to be INTJs because they tend to be compatible with ENTPs?" He chuckled, rolling his eyes. God he does know everything… there was a whole article about this. "We could do the quiz together if you have your concerns." "Shyeah- no, I don't. Just sharin' yknow?" he winked, noticing how you nervously pressed your legs together. He was wearing Killian's Angel Share, and Bad Boy… one of your favorite scents & the effects were almost affecting you almost at a subconscious level.

"Mkay, gotcha! So, anyways… I don't want to force you to open up, take your time in it. Let's start simple. How are you?" You asked Hawks, and for a moment, the barest of seconds, you could see his eyes turn to a void. "Yeah, good, never been better you know? Vacationing now that I have a sick ton of money with practically nothin' to do. Ain't gonna waste it otherwise by being depressed."

You clicked your tongue, oh he would not open up huh? Well, not that you expected this to be an easy ride either. "Yeah, of course. Money does help… helps everyone. At the end of the day I'm sitting on this chair to be paid a hefty by you." You hum, crossing your legs and getting comfortable too. This would be a fierce mental war already. From the determination of a hero and from a healer who's been sought out by the same hero.

"Then again, it isn't everything."

Oh except if you could tell that to childhood Hawks, it was… it was everything. His eyes pale with the answer a little. "Led a very comfortable life haven't you?" He smirked, giving you a miniscule opening.

"Yeah, luckily." You responded, smiling… "Clearly you haven't."

Hawks stood silent at that, and that was an answer enough.

"You were a rich kid since you started your agency, was this your teens or childhood?" Before Hawks could decipher, the session had already begun.

"Well, I was the viral news subject after they found out I was Thief Takami's son." He raised a brow, and you nodded. "Shitty murderer dad, mum?" You felt bad on being so professional, but you also felt Hawks would push you away if you were too kind. Some people have stopped treating him as a person ever since All for One had taken his quirk away.

"Mum was well, absent, mentally." He responded, and shrugged. "Dad was abusive, used to beat me up as a child and mum was too engrossed in her own shit I suppose. Happy for her that she has a new life with a new husband and new kids." It was amusing how Hawks didn't sound salty about it… it could only mean detachment to the finest. A befitting coping mechanism.

"You didn't have to go through that, I'm guessing if I needed to ever, talk to baby Hawks, I can't have a childhood photograph?" You glanced hopefully. "Nah, not a single childhood photograph. Dad was too paranoid of things and mum didn't care."

"We usually uh, have this exercise you know? That you'd keep a picture of your childhood self at your bathroom mirror and remember who you're talking about whenever you feel self-doubt." You smiled, looking into his eyes with empathy but no pity.

"Well, too bad." He chuckled, embarrassed and definitely not liking this emotion.

"Who cares at the end of the day, it's just the first few years of your life." He responded again balming his own thoughts more so than talking to you.

"Yeah, but every phase of our life is important. When your father abused you, hit you, didn't you feel enraged? Or scared? Or both?" You bit your lip, trying to mentally detach as much as possible.

"I felt nothing. I just wanted to not end up like them. If I was as angry as him, then I would become like him. Even my childhood self knew I'm better than that." There was pride in his eyes when he said so.

"True, yes, however… no expectations from your mum to save you?" Hawks shook his head no, shrugging. "She'd get beaten up too."

You nodded, not writing anything down on the paper just yet.

"Alright, I want you to do something for me." He raised a brow when you said that, "I don't want us to traverse further until you try doing this, mkay?" You grinned, "Imagine someone coming to your home, breaking the door at the moment of your abuse, that someone is you. The big, pro hero, you. Then, I'd like you to hold little Keigo's hand, and take him out. How about that?"

Hawks gave you an expression which was a mixture of 'How absurd' and 'Interesting'.

"Do that for me, and do that as many times and in as many scenarios you feel like you needed to be protected. You needed to be healed from." You coo softly… meanwhile Hawks' brain lagged at you saying 'Little Keigo'. So far he thought you didn't know his name… despite it being telecasted worldwide. No, you just refer to old Keigo as Hawks, but little Keigo isn't Hawks… he's just Keigo.

Was he reading too much into this? Would you soon bridge the gap between little Keigo and Hawks? Would you call him Keigo too?

The alarm clock chimed, time was over. You glanced at it and then back at him. "Well, guess you wouldn't be bored anymore, of me." "Hey, give yourself some credit little Shrink." he winked, smirking, "You're really good at this, can't wait to see you next time." "Don't come until you don't do what I asked." "Sure thing jeez."

With that, he left, and you could almost kill yourself at the way you tried to imagine little Hawks in pain. No, attaching to clients is the biggest NO. Yet, you can't help but feel positive tingles at the thought of him doing that little exercise and telling you about it.

Until next time, Keigo Takami.

#hawks #hawks bnha #hawks x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha angst #hawks bnha angst #bnha spoilers #keigo takami #hawks x y/n #hawks x you #hawks x reader angst #bnha comfort #mha comfort #mha x reader angst #mha x reader comfort #aftermath hawks #hawks x f! reader #keigo takami x reader

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pinegreenapples · 5 months

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Radiostatic Fic Recs

Do you like radiostatic? Are you looking for something good to read? Here are some of my personal favorites that I think everyone should read! As a reminder, if you don't like something listed, just don't read it! And don't bother the author or me! Staying in your lane is free! 😊

Finished works

Read 'Em and Weep

Vox and Alastor are on the cusp of a relationship but Alastor worries that he isn't enough for Vox. Val interferes. Now a series!

Get Your Thrill Just to Get At Me

Alastor experiences a rut for the first time and Vox refuses to waste good dick on a panic attack.

Hold Me Like A Grudge

This one's ABO and pretty much just smut. Suppressants fail all over the city! Guess we gotta fuck!

Put Your Fingers Back to the Keys

Alastor gets publicly summoned by Lilith and Vox searches for him.

Escape Was Just a Nod and a Casual Wave

This one's a really cool predator/prey fic where Vox chases Alastor.

Keep You Like an Oath

Alastor sneaks into V Tower and discovers Vox's video logs. It causes a revelation.

Lucidity's Fog

Vox has one final sex dream of him and Alastor together.

How to Commission a Radio Demon Body Pillow (and other assorted things)

This one is based off a tumblr ask thread about Vox having an insane amount of Alastor paraphernalia. It's funny, but it is one-sided.

Would You Download a Demon?

Alastor tells Vox and Rosie that he sold his soul. Vox does something so stupid, it's smart.

Classic and Better

Oooohhhhoooo, this bad boy is what made me start writing again. The characterization of them is so good and I love it so much. Alastor tempts Vox back into his folds and Vox follows blindly.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Alastor lays claim to Vox by biting him. This one is short and sweet. Now a series!

Couple's Therapy

This one was funny and sadly too short. Modern day Alastor and Vox decide to go to therapy as a joke and it actually makes them realize a thing or two.

Bambi

I love this piece. It's cute! Vox and Alastor have two different versions of Bambi-their clashing interpretations lead to an adorable misunderstanding.

Joking Matters

Vox and Alastor got married to consolidate their power and have kept their relationship a secret since.

Obligations

Vox trades for Alastor's soul but it isn't at all like how he wanted. They both cope in their own ways.

Meant to Be Yours

This one's one-sided. Vox gets rejected and takes it really badly. An excellent piece exploring his side.

Bargains

This one is also so so so good. Alastor has a rut cycle and the only person who knows is Vox. However, Alastor hates that he has a rut and takes it out on Vox. Vox just wants to know what Alastor actually wants.

Spite

This one is delicious. It's based off the first episode where Alastor says he pulled a few strings to get the commercial to air. Vox demands that he act in a porno for blackmail.

Just a Slave to Your Instincts

Vox researches deer instincts and uses it very effectively against Alastor.

That One Tuesday

Similar premise to Classic and Better but it involves more of the Hazbin cast and the main plotline of trying to redeem sinners.

Vox and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Afterlife

This one is light on the relationship but funny. Basically, every rut Alastor goes fucking nuts and takes it out on Vox. However, no one believes him and they think he's going crazy.

666: Live on Air!

An excellent series that does a good job exploring the push and pull between these two and what a relationship between them would look like with all their hang ups and miscommunications.

Seeking Solace

This story plays with Dom/Sub designations and Vox is a sub who hasn't dropped in too long. He calls Alastor to help.

Radio Made the Video Star

An excellent series exploring the arc of Alastor and Vox's first meeting, their subsequent fallout, and their re-connection as they are forced to work on a project together.

Thawing Out

Vox is in an abusive relationship with Valentino. Alastor finds him one night by accident when he's mulling over his relationship. For the first time, Alastor notices that something else might be going on at Vee Tower and he has these awful feelings about it that he can't seem to shake.

The Pitch

Vox swaggers into Alastor's radio tower to find out more about his newest pet project, he ends up limping out. Wink wonk!

Hypnosis, Live in your Bedroom!

This is inspired by the 666 hypnosis fic and it is quite good! It’s another smut piece of Alastor and Vox exploring his hypnosis.

Other Place

This piece is really sentimental. It made me cry and think about death. Basically, Alastor visits Vox on the anniversary of his mother's death and they talk through his many emotions.

This Wasn't on the Agenda

One-sided but funny! Vox and Alastor start a hissy fit in an overlord meeting about their brief sexual history together.

Staticradio Woodland Fun

This one's cutesy! Vox and Alastor are both mythical creatures experiencing rut and so they spend it with each other.

Feeling from Grace

Angel Dust comes to Alastor with some concerns about Vox’s wellbeing. Alastor manages to fuck it up, as he does all things regarding Vox and feelings.

Music on T.V. and Sex on the Radio!?

This one’s funny and sexy. After their little fight on air, Vox tracks Alastor down in his tower to have some good old fashioned fun.

Stay

Alastor can’t seem to let Vox go, even when Vox decides he can’t keep playing this game anymore.

Like Old Times

Alastor pays Vox a visit in his office after their musical spat to say hello.

Deer in the Backlights

This piece is nice in the way that it explores Vox finally getting closure from his obsession with Alastor. Val and Velvette set up a meeting for Vox and Alastor to finally fuck and get rid of their weird psychosexual tension. Vox wonders if this was really what he wanted all along.

198

This one is pure smut and it’s so delightful. Vox manages to mind break Alastor and turn him into his own personal sex toy. I also highly recommend anything by childishsadism, they write very compelling work!

Undisclosed Desires

Alastor and Vox get into another fight and Alastor finds he likes it a lot more than he thought he would.

To Be Yours

This is my own work! Alastor hears Vox open their personal frequency for the first time in years. Curious, he goes to find out why exactly Vox has chosen to break the silence.

Safe with Me

This one's good! It's a modern AU where Vox is a CEO and Alastor is a serial killer and podcaster. After separating as childhood friends, Vox and Alastor meet once again and find love with one another. Now a series!

Bluest Monday

This one is so well written and the romance between them is absolutely heart wrenching. Alastor fears losing Vox to modernity, so he finally accepts Vox’s courting in an attempt to keep the other at his side. This decision has unintended consequences neither could foresee. Now a series!

Addicted

Addicted is really good. Vox finds out he's been drugged by Val for decades and as a result has long term amnesia. He runs away and tries to reckon with a past he can't even remember.

Unfinished works

Hypnotic

This one is a rape fic. Vox hypnotizes Alastor against his will and forces him to recount his first sexual encounter as he has sex with him.

Prey of the Video Star

This one is really really good! After the battle, Vox takes Alastor back to Vee tower, determined to finally make the other his. Alastor, weakened, struggles the best that he can even as the noose tightens around his neck.

Equilibrium

Vox saves Alastor and accidentally creates a soulbond between them. This sets in motion a landslide of unexpected events between them.

The Answer is Yes

Okay, this one is extremely well written. It's a fascinating exploration of Vox and Alastor's relationship through a vignette style. It blends all sorts of memories with modern day and it's really cool. I like it a lot.

Hell’s Televisionary

This one is a really interesting take on Vox and his first few years in Hell. I’m really enjoying it! Vox is new to Hell and looking to make a name for himself. He’s also looking to reconnect with the elusive redhead that helped him when he first fell.

Rival Frequencies

Vox goes after Alastor after the extermination and patches him up. He discovers that maybe his feelings haven’t waned, and he tries to rekindle a friendship with Alastor again.

Tune On In!

This one is based off of an art post where Vox and Alastor got platonically married and details their life together.

Unraveling Emotions

Falling in love makes a sinner’s heart human again and their second death permanent. Vox has never stopped loving Alastor. Alastor makes a mistake and Vox nearly pays the price.

For my friends who liked my post, I hope this finds you!

@rae-does-stuff, @drakepad-luv-2000, @motherarts, @freakshowmemories, @bratpfanne-of-doom, @superpersonpatroleclipse , @nocakesformissedith , @coins-that-never-land , @matrixbearer2024, @dancingafterdark ,@pedi-bug , @starlightthenightwing , @unnecessarilysalty

#radiostatic #staticradio #staticlovetune

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alexaloraetheris · 1 year

Text

I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

#adhd #sometimes a god coopts you for the greater good #and you do what you gotta do

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grits-galraisedinthesouth · 4 months

Text

Sponsored by Archewell of Course

Finally we learn the true purpose of this fake royal inGRIFTus visit: MEgain's dream to purcha$e (not earn) a political appointment as an Ambassador for the perks: IPP status, a NYC apartment, luxurious international travel, power, stardom, etc.

In 2021 in the name of vaccine equity (and netflix), The Meghans secured a meeting with several WHO representatives involved w/The Clinton Global Initiative including the UN Under-Secretary General Winnie Byanyima.¹

MEgain replied "It's wonderful to be back..." just to make it clear that THIS trip is all about HER not him.

It seems that identifying as Misan Harriman's Nigerian cousin might be her golden ticket to the UN.

Meghan Markle was the most unaccomplished woman in that room of so-called Nigerian women leaders and certainly the least deserving of any political appointments or elected positions. She's treated women and men like TRASH. Hissing and harassing them to such lengths that they require therapy and seek new employment.

Sparry is absolutely complicit in their drive to give his wife undeserved power and authority over institutions and human beings. He'll assist her with love bombing Ngozi even just save what little hair remains on his head. He's a Eunuch.

From the Nigerian Defense Staff Visitor Book of General Christopher Musa

Sparry: "Thank you for welcoming us to your beautiful country. Together we will heal our troops. -Harry

MEgain: "With gratitude for the support of the Invictus community. And for welcoming me home." -M??

Did these female leaders discuss the women who have been raped and violated in the African Parks Scandal?

What about hundreds of abducted Nigerian children, most recently in broad daylight on March 7, 2024?

Look at this lovely room and compare it to the spaces The Meghans publicized to the mainstream media on their tour. Spot the difference. Who do you think matters most, the wounded or the powerful?

The good news is that The MEghans have a very long history of lying, cheating, mistreating innocent people, and even mocking God.

No matter what doors 43% of bull chite will open, God will not be mocked. Sparry had the temerity to walk into Saint Paul's and read from the holy scriptures as if he's some authority on serving God while he nails his bloodline to the media's cross.

Cry out for mercy, Harry!

God will not be mocked, whatever a man sows that will he also reap.

MEgain thinks she can rebrand her ancestry and whore her way into achieving all her personal & professional goals.

Whatever she has sown, she will reap.

"An afternoon of joy, love and sharing of experiences with leading Nigerian women from across the spectrum- Public Sector, Private Sector, Civil Society, a mixture of young and old. Co hosted by Meghan the Duchess of Sussex and myself, and moderated by @MoAbudu

Talking about what it means to be a woman leader, how difficult it is to get there, and the sisterhood and brotherhood that is needed to help make leadership work. Also had a fantastic panel made up of Dr @OmobolaJohnsonHon Minister @DrDorisAnite @achenyoio@miss_asagba Dr. Mairo Mandara and CNN’s @StephanieBusari who all shared their special experiences.

Sponsored by "Archewell Women in Leadership"

Soho House's Misan Harriman but not Sparry🤔

She never cared about those less fortunate people The #Kigali of Today is the African Parks Rapes

She adored Elizabeth until she refused to place her in the Ambassador position with Emma Watson. When she had the opportunity for REVENGE she took it out on all the women waiting to meet her at the Fiji Market which included the UN Women and the Royal Tour Staff.

The Malta Ancestry Lie: "oh I do sort of blend in, and it's the loveliest feeling." Unfortunately for the Maltese tourist authority, Meghan's published article made NO MENTION MALTA!!!

"Meghan identifies 1st and foremost as the business woman. Money is Meghan's priority." P77

Numerous Bridges Burned. She has markled herself.

WTO | 2021 News items - History is made: Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala chosen as Director-General

She'sa globalist WEFer: "The General Council decision follows months of uncertainty which arose when the United States initially refused to join the consensus around Dr Okonjo-Iweala and threw its support behind Trade Minister Yoo Myung-hee of the Republic of Korea. But following Ms Yoo's decision on 5 February to withdraw her candidacy, the administration of newly elected US President Joseph R. Biden Jr. dropped the US objection and announced instead that Washington extends its “strong support” to the candidacy of Dr Okonjo-Iweala."

History is made: Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala chosen as Director-General

WTO members made history today (15 February) when the General Council agreed by consensus to select Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala of Nigeria as the organization’s seventh Director-General.

When she takes office on 1 March, Dr Okonjo-Iweala will become the first woman and the first African to be chosen as Director-General. Her term, renewable, will expire on 31 August 2025.

“This is a very significant moment for the WTO. On behalf of the General Council, I extend our warmest congratulations to Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala on her appointment as the WTO's next Director-General and formally welcome her to this General Council meeting,” said General Council Chair David Walker of New Zealand who, together with co-facilitators Amb. Dacio Castillo (Honduras) and Amb. Harald Aspelund (Iceland) led the nine-month DG selection process.

“Dr Ngozi, on behalf of all members I wish to sincerely thank you for your graciousness in these exceptional months, and for your patience. We look forward to collaborating closely with you, Dr Ngozi, and I am certain that all members will work with you constructively during your tenure as Director-General to shape the future of this organization,” he added.

Dr Okonjo-Iweala said a key priority for her would be to work with members to quickly address the economic and health consequences brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic.

“I am honoured to have been selected by WTO members as WTO Director-General,” said Dr Okonjo-Iweala. “A strong WTO is vital if we are to recover fully and rapidly from the devastation wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic. I look forward to working with members to shape and implement the policy responses we need to get the global economy going again. Our organization faces a great many challenges but working together we can collectively make the WTO stronger, more agile and better adapted to the realities of today.” Her full statement is available here.

The General Council decision follows months of uncertainty which arose when the United States initially refused to join the consensus around Dr Okonjo-Iweala and threw its support behind Trade Minister Yoo Myung-hee of the Republic of Korea. But following Ms Yoo's decision on 5 February to withdraw her candidacy, the administration of newly elected US President Joseph R. Biden Jr. dropped the US objection and announced instead that Washington extends its “strong support” to the candidacy of Dr Okonjo-Iweala.

Amb. Walker extended his thanks to all eight of the candidates who participated in the selection process and particularly to Ms Yoo “for her ongoing commitment to and support for the multilateral trading system and for the WTO”. His full statement is available here.

The General Council agreed on 31 July that there would be three stages of consultations held over a two-month period commencing 7 September. During these confidential consultations, the field of candidates was narrowed from eight to five and then two. On 28 October, General Council Chair David Walker of New Zealand had informed members that based on consultations with all delegations Dr Okonjo-Iweala was best poised to attain consensus of the 164 WTO members and that she had the deepest and the broadest support among the membership. At that meeting, the United States was the only WTO member which said it could not join the consensus.

The consultation process undertaken by the chair and facilitators was established through guidelines agreed by all WTO members in a 2002 General Council decision. These guidelines spelled out the key criteria in determining the candidate best positioned to gain consensus is the “breadth of support” each candidate receives from the members. During the DG selection processes of 2005 and 2013, breadth of support was defined as “the distribution of preferences across geographic regions and among the categories of members generally recognized in WTO provisions: that is (Least developed countries), developing countries and developed countries”. This same process, agreed by all members in the General Council in 2020, was strictly followed by Chair Walker and his colleagues throughout the 2020-21 DG selection process.

The process for selecting a new Director-General was triggered on 14 May when former Director-General Mr Roberto Azevêdo informed WTO members he would be stepping down from his post one year before the expiry of his mandate. He subsequently left office on 31 August.

¹Winnie Byanyima UN Under-Secretary Gen & ED of UNAIDS since 2019: "Byanyima was appointed as the executive director of UNAIDS in August 2019, by the United Nations Secretary-General, António Guterres, following a comprehensive selection process that involved a search committee constituted by members of the UNAIDS Programme Coordinating Board. In her new position she concurrently serves as a United Nations Under-Secretary-General. In addition to her role at UNAIDS, Byanyima also serves a two-year term as a member of the World Bank Group’s (WBG) Advisory Council on Gender and Development. Since 2022, she has been a member of the Commission for Universal Health convened by Chatham House and co-chaired by Helen Clark and Jakaya Kikwete."

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kinardsevan · 3 months

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bucktommy proposal end of season 8 or start of season 9?

i mean what do I want? obviously sooner than later. I really do believe in the logic that we've seen stated about Bobby and Athena in relation to what Frank said in (I think) 702, that when who people work in the field, they understand the immediacy. I also think that you have two characters who have been through the wringer in their personal lives, and if this show is really going to let them have their happy ending, I don't see it being a long, drawn out process. For Maddie and Chim, it made sense. Healing from DV is a process, and she needed to be able to trust him. By correlation, Evan has always been seeking someone who would match his attachment style and not be turned off by how his abandonment issues affect him in relationships. Add to this the fact that I feel like Evan's highest love languages are physical touch and quality time (although quality time may also be competing with acts of service; we could argue removing physical touch, but I think that being a love language for him is clearest in s1 with his self-diagnosed sex addiction). Still, even in season 7, he's always touching people he cares about. His hand on Eddie's shoulder when Chris leaves; the hug with Bobby (both in 710), the kiss in the hospital in 706. Even the hands on Chris's shoulders in 709 from the stills.

By relation, I think Tommy's similar, with acts of service and quality time being his top two. I'm less inclined at the moment to say physical touch is as high for him, because we haven't had enough of out, therapized Tommy to really gauge it. Still, the acts of service is obvious. He shows up for those he cares for (flying into a hurricane, showing up to the wedding even after fighting a fire all night and day). And we know he's not just showing up for Evan to sleep with him; we've seen dates, dinner together, actually showing up for one another.

Ironically it's both of these that get me wondering if we'll be waiting into s9 purely just because I don't think that receiving gifts ranks very high for either of them. I honestly think we'll see them moving in together with more importance placed on it because that directly correlates to quality time AND acts of service. Truth be told, I think when a proposal finally happens between these two, I think Tommy will be the one to ask, because it's something Evan wants, and as stated, acts of service are important to Tommy. Still, I think if we're lucky enough to see it happen, we might be waiting a while. Again, I could be wrong, given the discussion Bobby had with Frank in therapy about not putting off more time than necessary to be together when you know life is limited (and this will be another relationship with two first responders who are in dangerous positions). But realistically? I think we'll see moving in together in s8, and then maybe a proposal in s9. I legitimately could see B/T getting completely domestic with a home, an animal (maybe even a kid) before they even make it down the aisle.

(This was far more than what you asked, but it's how I got there 😂)

#bucktommy #mel's musings #ask mel #tevan #kinley #firepilot #firebeast #firefly #firecopter #the ally and the beast

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wolven91 · 1 year

Text

A Coiled Mind

"Desh? Can I speak to you for a moment?" asked the human on the ssypno’s door step.

"Ah Daniel, of course you can; please come in!"

The human known as Daniel was a diligent worker, but even Desh had noticed a marked change in their demeanour recently, one that had worried her. Very new to the galactic scene, the humans were industrious and quick to pick up new tasks once shown, but thanks to the chaos of a few months ago, Desh considered them fragile.

As his direct controller, she wanted to make sure she was available for him, but hadn't pressured him to speak in case he hadn't wanted to. She wasn’t a psychologist, she had no formal training and had to rely on the official government therapy sessions given to the humans that they would be enough or catch any pent up emotions.

He stepped into her home and stood there awkwardly for a moment, scratching at his arm. It took a moment to twig that something was seriously wrong as she made her way to get him a drink from the kitchen area.

She stopped her short journey across the room and looked back at him, frowning and returning to the man. The large serpent lowered herself down to his level. Her length was immense and trailed lazily round the room, but she pulled herself into a tight knit of a roiling mass of scales to give the smaller human more space in her home. He had worked with her a while now, so she assumed he was fine with her, but was aware that she could still be intimidating at the best of times.

"Daniel? Is everything... okay?" She reached out a hand, but hesitated. She so desperately wanted to touch him, but was unsure if she was allowed to at this moment. Humans were one of the races to be warm blooded, but were the only one without a dense layer of fur. Thanks to this lack of insulation, they were walking, talking heat lamps to her kind. It would be so easy to hold on to them and never let go, but she mustn't, she had to give them space lest she scare him off, they were significantly smaller after all at only six foot tall compared to her forty five feet on length.

"I... I just.. it-" he cut himself off as a sob broke forth. She made the call to surge forward and pull him into a tight hug against herself. Two of her arms, the lower set grasping his back while her upper set; one hand found the back of his neck and her fourth and final hand slid through his short brown fur that topped his head. Her muscular lower body, a single thick tube of scales and muscles wound around his legs and raised him up into the air so she could hold him without stooping low.

"Hey! Heeeey, come on now... it's okay... it's okay now.. " She said, continuing to whisper sweet nothings into his ear as she propelled herself backwards into her home. To an outsider, it would appear as if she were a predator with a successful hunt within her clutches.

She weaved and wrapped him thoroughly against herself as he quaked and sobbed against her.

Eventually he did begin to settle and started to apologise for his 'outburst'. Desh was shocked and sickened to think that he thought the need to apologise for something as natural as his reactions.

His home world was lost, he was part of an endangered species, he had every right to be upset and yet he had soldiered on for two months since the catastrophic events of the Sol System.

"Human Daniel, do not ever apologise to me for seeking me out to unwind. If you need to cry, you cry to me. If you don't want anyone else to know, then no one will know my friend... okay?"

He nodded his head, trying to wipe his eyes with hands already wet with his tears.

"If your kind are half as strong as you, then you will all be alright friend-Daniel, but I think today will be spent here, if that is alright?" He nodded again and whispered;

"I'd like that Desh... thank you..."

Her tail began to wind and spool around his shorter legs bringing them together before it wound up further curling around his hips and stomach. She gave him the option to have his arms down or up, to which he placed his arms against himself. Her tail finished by sinching around the tiny neck that all humans had.

Feeling bold, she grasped his head in either of her hands, the deep blue scales standing in stark contrast to his skin.

"Look into my eyes dear.. look how they swirl with colours, do you see?"

His tense body within her coils started to ease. In the primitive times, this would be where she would tighten and squeeze her prey before devouring it whole.

But for now, she would luxuriate in the waves of heat he gave off. She would let him rest and sooth, while she was paid in the most intimate spar treatment she had ever felt.

No wonder she was banned from touching Humans normally, nothing would ever get done if it felt like this...

#conservationverse #cuddleverse #human #ssypno #hfy #aliens #earth is a deathworld #haso

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crash-and-cure · 2 years

Text

If I Were You Part 3 (Yandere!Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Summary: In the months since his return to the stage, you have been doing your best to keep the relationship between you and Elvis underwraps while also trying to continue treatment. You’ve been able to somewhat manage this this precarious balancing act, but an upcoming event threatens the stability you’ve created while also having you reflect on your past and worrying about your future.

Note: I know I said in my last update that I would have had this done earllier, but good news, i ended up breaking what was planned for this part in two so that should be done... soon. All together this part was orginally 24k words, so... yeah the break was necessary, and works slighty better for the flow. Reader is cis female, as well as some background in readers home life, and aside from that no other descriptors are used. I do have a Bachelor’s in Psychology, but I am not a therapist, so nothing here should be treated as genuine mental health advice. Please read the warnings before deciding to read.

Also getting together a taglist so let me know if you want to be tagged for the next chapter or alternately, if you are tagged and would like to be removed let me know.

Words count: 12k

Warnings: Yandere!Elvis so expect themes of obsessive, manipulative, jealous, and delusional behavior as well as some heavy allusions to blackmail, emotional and otherwise, here too. Dubious consent in some areas. Depictions of Therapy sessions, in which topics of relationships with parents, emotional abandonement, self-destructive behavior, performance anxiety, and exploitation, are discussed. Inappropriate relationship with Therapist (Which should go without saying). Explicit sexual content depicted that includes Penetrative sex (m/f), Daddy Kink, Praise kink, cum eating, vaginal fingering, cockwarming (kinda), overstimulation and allusions to oral sex (f. recieving). Depictions parental abuse that including depictions of parentification, favoritism, as well as emotional neglect and abandonment. Also mentions of Elvis' mommy issues, and more exploration readers daddy issues. Period typical misogyny depicted. Finally depictions of a toxic relationship that include power imbalances, emotional manipulation, uses of coercion, grabbing that leads to bruising and verbal mistreament. Please do not interact if you are under 18.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5

My Masterlist

When you had received your Doctorate, it was perhaps the proudest moment of your life. One of only a few women in your graduating class, you remember seeking out your parents in the audience and hoping to see their beaming faces after all that you had accomplished. Instead you found them apathetic with virtually no change in expression when your name was announced, about as excited to see you up there as they would be watching water boil. You remember only feeling the slightest twinge of hurt at that, before plastering on your biggest, fakest smile to receive your degree.

After the ceremony they would both greet you with smiles that didn’t quite reach their eyes, limp hugs, and mild platitudes about how hard you worked. You can at least appreciate that they would go through the motions of putting on the facade of proud parents. Your father would take you to the nicest restaurant in the city and let you order whatever you wanted. He would also call you “fellow Dr.Y/L/N,” as though he hadn’t spent the past four years rolling his eyes at your chosen field as a whole. Your mother would present you with a blue Tiffany box containing a pearl necklace to wear now that you were a working professional and follow up the night interrogating you as to whether or not you had a boyfriend. Even your brother made an appearance at dinner, claiming to have been too busy at the hospital to have gone to the ceremony, and you all politely ignored the grass stains on his pants, telling you he was anywhere but seeing patients that day. Afterwards you would go back to your own apartment that night, throw the blue box into a drawer and cry yourself to sleep. This is one of your more pleasant interactions with your family in recent memory.

That night you made a promise to yourself that regardless of how they all felt about it, you promised to always take pride in what you accomplished. You would take pride in it because who else would?

Now though, as you gaze at the degree over Elvis’ shoulder as he thrusts erratically into you and whispers filthy things into your ear, it is nothing more than another source of shame. Somehow you can feel it mocking you with its presence, stating how you aren’t worthy of it, as though it’s privy to every single way you’ve violated your moral duty as a therapist just tonight.

You would close your eyes to it, choosing to revel in the feeling of him within you as you both neared the edge. All of the problems you're facing seem so far away now that you’re with him, even though logically you know that he’s the source of many of them.

“You’re so good for me mama,” he would whisper against your skin, sending reverberations throughout your whole body, and involuntarily making you let out a soft mewl in response. After months of encounters like these, you’re still paranoid that anybody could overhear you, so he takes particular pleasure in his ability to make you lose yourself in your office like this. He makes a pleased hum, rewarding you by rubbing your clit in tight circles that has you seeing stars. You fall back on your desk, your degrees forgotten, as you wrap your legs around him to keep him in as much as you can.

Elvis halts as your walls tighten around him, his brow furrowing and his breathing getting more ragged as he tries to prevent himself from cumming. The look in his eyes has you kissing him hungrily in an attempt to muffle yourself as the aftershocks run through your body. You’re hyper aware of every sensation he’s giving you from the way his fingers lightly trail from your hip to the back of your knee to the way his chest hair feels against your nipples. You’re far too sensitive, every nerve is a live wire ready to burn, but he’s far from done with you.

He’s still hard inside you, a fact he’s not about to let you forget as he continues his unforgiving rhythm once more. That last orgasm took everything out of you and you barely have the energy to lift a finger let alone meet his thrusts no matter how much you want to. Elvis takes advantage of your pliancy to grab a hold of your knee and hook it over his shoulder, giving him a new angle to better spear himself into you.

“You love taking care of me dontcha darlin’? You live to take care of your daddy?” Every word drips like honey on your soul.

“Yes daddy” you breathe as tears threaten to stream down your face. You hate how easily it falls off your tongue.

“You got another one in ya’ baby?” he growls, feeling his lips brush against the skin above your knee.

“N-no, it’s too much ahh-” you’re interrupted when he takes an especially harsh bite at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. You can already feel the bruise starting to form as he lathes his tongue along the bite and asks you again.

“You know what I wanna hear mama,” he grunts, a particularly feral grin as you feel a few tears escape.

“Pl-please make me cum again daddy” you beg, desperate in a way only he has ever been able to make you. You let out a needy whine as he stops to plant a knee on your desk, before he takes a hold of your hips and pulls out of you until only the tip remains, before proceeding to ram you back into place.

He’s not moving, instead he’s moving you up and down his cock, and you’re left a keening mess beneath him. The obscene and humiliating feeling of being used by him as more a thing to fuck into in the end is what does it for you. You blindly reach out onto the desk behind you, frantically needing some sort of leverage as you peak once again, this one even more devastating than the last. You clench around him, desperate for everything he can give. And never let it be said that Elvis Presley is not a giver.

Elvis lets out a guttural groan as your walls close in around him again, and you feel hot streams of cum paint your insides. After what feels like an eternity, he finally pulls out and you see him take a bit of a step back as though to fully admire his work. A chill goes up your spine at his intense gaze on you as well as the feeling of his cum beginning to leak out of you, and you feel rather than hear his purr of approval at the sight. You give a strangled yelp when you feel him dip his fingers back in before he hoists you up into a sitting position.

“How’s it taste mama?” he says, removing his fingers from your mouth.

“Good” you’re barely able to breathe out.

“That’s a good girl,” he says, bringing you closer to him and giving you a long languid kiss.

He had been in a particularly jovial mood as of late due to his suit against Tom Parker finally being settled in his favor. After all the evidence of mismanagement and shady business practices was brought to light, along with Diskin’s absolute bombshell testimony of all other unethical behavior behind the scenes, the Judge had no choice but to rule in Elvis’ favor. It had been a long battle, and Elvis discovered the people he could and couldn’t trust, but seeing him healthy and looking forward to the road ahead without all that was holding him back shows you that it was worth it in the end.

The last few sessions had simply been mostly him discussing all that he’s excited for with this new chapter in his life. How planning for the world tour is now officially underway and all the places he’ll be able to visit and perform, and you’re able to share in his excitement, but for a much different reason. Today, he even proudly announced to you how soon he’s going to begin training to get his pilot’s license. Despite how off the rails his treatment has become, you’re proud to see this development and view this as a small victory as he told you months before how he’s always wanted to fly, but was always hesitant due to his mothers fears.

It was at the very least a good indicator of the progress he’s made in therapy in the fact that his risk taking behavior has become far more controlled. If you remember correctly he had first brought up the idea months ago. Right around the same time he returned to the stage.

The weeks following the concert were a silent struggle between the two of you, with you trying to retain whatever agency you could and attempts at reducing his tighter and tighter grip on your life and him trying to enmesh himself further into your life. It was a careful balancing act of compromise, mostly on your part, and picking and choosing your battles.

Officially he’s no longer your patient, however that doesn’t stop him from meeting with you at his regular times, nor do you even attempt to fill that vacant spot in your schedule. You attend any and all social events he wants you to, but you tell no one your full name, let alone your official title. He wants you all but sitting in his lap during session and you have to settle for being within arms reach of him at all times. He refuses condoms, but begrudgingly accepts that you’re on the pill, and so on and so forth.

Now with this… unconventional development in your relationship there is now the expectation of reciprocity from him. Any probe you make for treatment, if you can even call it that anymore, now always has to be preceded by a look into your own life. You learned this a few sessions in when the two of you had gotten on to the topic of his early days of touring, and how it affected his relationships back home.

“It was real tough on my Mama, bein’ away for so long.” he said, before looking at you. “But ain’t that how all of ‘em feel when the kids leave. Like you.”

“Elvis this isn’t about me.”

“I know,” he says with that smirk that makes your face feel warm. “It’s about me, and me? I wanna know how your folks felt when you started goin’ to school?”

You give him a deadpan look, and he responds by leaning forward, elbows on his knees, seemingly eager to hear what you have to say. The look on his face tells you that he wasn’t going to talk until you did.

“Ok, if you’re so insistent,” you sigh, ignoring how his slight smirk turns into a full blown grin as he gets his way yet again. “I lived at home while I was getting my Bachelor’s, and if anything, my mother wanted me out and about as often as possible. She treated my education more as an expensive hobby that I would use to get a husband. She still believes that Benny was a boy I was seeing in my last two years, and not the diner I was working at.”

“How ‘bout your daddy?”

“He…” you hesitate a little, as this isn’t something you’ve ever been comfortable discussing. “...didn’t really like the idea of me going to school, thought I was too… delicate I guess. He especially didn’t like the idea of me with any man, but I do think it was more because he wanted to pick one for me.”

“You two close?”

That gets your attention as you realize you're treading into dangerous territory, as it's starting to sound suspiciously similar to when the two of you talk about his mother. Especially given the fact that he is very much aware of your…odd tendencies in bed. But you fear avoiding the topic altogether will only showcase that there is something to be prodded in the first place so you decide to leave him with something.

“I mean we were when I was a kid, but then, as it goes, we sort of drifted when I became a teen,” you tap your fingers along your notebook, knowing how to transition from this subject, yet hesitant to broach it. “Speaking of fathers, is there a reason you’re so interested in the topic today?”

He looks dismayed for a moment, before giving a small dry chuckle. “So I see you’ve been keepin’ up with them magazines.” His eyes however aren’t accusing, simply defeated.

“In regards to you Elvis, I try to avoid tabloids so as to be as unbiased as possible when it comes to our sessions.” This is a lie, as any time you’d been away from him you made it a point to scour these rags, to make sure they hadn’t caught on to your relationship. As you discovered they are aware of your existence, but no information beyond that other than a few pictures of you at some of his events. Because you are unknown to the public, and the fact that Elvis is remaining tight-lipped in regards to you, this only raises interest in discovering who you are. “I pay no mind to rumors, but when an event such as this occurs, I feel it warrants discussion. But I do want to hear from you what happened, if you are comfortable talking about that.”

He huffs at this, clearly angered by the situation, and maybe with you for bringing it up, but eventually he does concede. “What’s there to say, that piece of shit, got my own daddy to side with him as a character witness or whatever. Now I can’t even trust my own goddamn family to look out for me, ‘cause Parker may have them in his pocket too. Maybe I’m just easy to throw away if my own daddy can’t stand by my side.”

You let out a sigh as you plot your next words carefully. “Elvis, the decisions of our parents affect us no matter how young or old we are. It’s difficult to not internalize rejection as some sort of short-coming on our part, especially when it comes from family. I can’t speak for your father’s motivations to side with Parker, but I can say with absolute certainty that he chose wrong.”

He takes a second to look at you before giving you a somber smile. “Can’t say I’m surprised though. Ever since I found out ‘bout Parker, he’s been going to bat for him. “Trying to get me to forgive him or drop the case, and when I brought in someone else to manage the business, we just stopped talking altogether. Well… he stopped talking to me.”

“I know exactly how that feels,” you say without even thinking about it. When you realize what you had just said, you quickly try to recover. “I mean I… I’ve had patients who have experienced something similar,” you clear your throat. “Elvis, part of maintaining healthy relationships, is also recognizing when you're the only one putting in effort to preserve it. Did these feelings of abandonment exist prior to you firing or even meeting Parker?”

“I mean… I was always closer to Mama, and when I think about it, Daddy was just… there,” he says, looking at you for reassurance that you understood.

This certainly sounds like a familiar story you’ve heard before, but with the new information, you realize to some extent that Elvis had no choice but to latch on to his mother, with a father like this. “It… sounds to me that what you're describing is emotional abandonment,” you say to him. “Many patients have described how there is a relationship in their lives where they feel they put in all the effort of maintaining it. And how the person in question has ‘checked out’ essentially in that physically they’re present, but otherwise they don’t engage.”

“But he’s family.”

“I recognize that Elvis, but a hard truth about codependency is that it’s not limited to romantic relationships or friendships, and it can in fact occur or even be shaped by familial ones, considering that those tend to be the earliest ones in development.”

You wouldn’t say you’re exactly jumping for joy that he has an unhealthy dynamic with his father as well, but you do believe that being able to deconstruct his relationship with Vernon will at least act as a bridge that will allow him to reflect better on his relationship with his mother.

And luckily it seems to strike a chord with him, as he goes from defensive to angry to sadness to acceptance all within a few moments. “So what should I do ‘bout it doc?”

“I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do in regards to your father Elvis. But what I can say is you’re the only one who can decide what you want a relationship, if any, with your father going forward to look like.”

“What ‘bout you?”

“Excuse me?”

“What does your relationship with your daddy look like”

“Oh… it’s fine,” you wave dismissively, desperately hoping for a change in subject.

“I know you better than that, Y/N,” he said, his eyes hardening. “You got something to say about your daddy and I think you really wanna tell me.”

“Elvis I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“Yes you did,” he says, so sure in his words. “You’re always so careful with what you say, ain’t no way you did that by accident. And if I’m going to figure out what relationship I want with my daddy, I think I need an example of what one could look like.”

You clench your jaw in frustration but you sigh in defeat, and give in, Because you always do, you think spitefully. What can you do though, he was able to discern that there was something with your relationship with your father from what little you’ve revealed, and now he’s latched on to getting it out of you. Not to mention he’s made a pretty convincing argument as to why it would benefit his treatment.

“My father and I have a very… troubled relationship. Prior to me going to college he didn’t interact with me outside of trying to guide where my life should go. And I listened every time in a vain attempt to return to that previously close relationship. But when I chose to go into this field he stopped interacting with me whatsoever. I still see him on occasion, because I want to maintain a good relationship with my other family members. And that’s the relationship I choose to have with my father.” you finish, feeling rawer than you have ever felt. Elvis, in the few months you’ve been doing this, had been able to get more out of you than most other partners you’ve had.

You look up to see him and find that he’s surprised and maybe a little confused at your answer. “I can’t believe he ain’t proud to see his own daughter become a doctor,” he says.

“He’s also a doctor, though in the medical field. As far as he cares, I have a useless degree in a useless field.” you say, biting your lip to stop it from quivering. “But I don’t let it get to me. I’m proud of the work I do and the people I help, even if he’s not.”

He goes quiet with your confession and silently he takes your hand, “Well for what it’s worth Doc… I’m glad you didn’t listen to him.”

You give a small smile at that, “Thank you.”

“I mean it Y/N, I’m so goddamn proud of all that you done. I feel like you don’t hear that enough.” Those words, though you hate to admit it, have an effect on you, and you lean forward, resting your forehead against his, your eyes welling up with tears.

Lately he had the courtesy to not start anything sexual until at least the 45 minute mark of session. Though you don’t hold your breath at the thought that this is progress in any way. The more pragmatic part of you believes that he is simply getting over the high of having you at his beck and call, and now he’s exploring other aspects of a relationship. Part of the reason you’ve let this continue is that you hope to some extent that you can help him model what a healthy relationship looks like with emotional vulnerability, compromise, and honesty. You suspect with the world tour on the horizon that the end of this arrangement is on the horizon, and you can only hope that he takes what he’s learned from this simulation and he goes on to have a better romantic relationship in the future.

Surprisingly enough you are able to help him to some extent with this turn in your relationship. Particularly he felt more comfortable in discussing previously more touchy aspects of his life. About a month after his return concert, the two of you discussed the anxiety that his status as a sex symbol has caused him over the years.

“I always hated bein’ called that,” he stared morosely looking at the floor. “It felt like I was always workin’ and always had to be what everyone thought I was.”

“In what regard?”

“I was always worried that if I didn't give these women the best night of their lives, it would get back to the world that I wasn't what they called me.”

“I can imagine that this was a major source of stress, due to public perception being essential in your line of work.”

“I guess,” he said. “Sometimes it felt more like a… like a chore. If I didn’t live up to what they were hopin’ for, then I wasn't doin’ my job. But ain’t that normal though doctor?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean ain’t there always somethin’ you're scared of happenin’ with your work. Like you, doc. What’s the scariest part of the job for you?”

You mean aside from this whole situation, you think sarcastically. You want more than anything to tell him that, but still you feel the ardent need to keep this going due to your sense of a breakthrough on the horizon. Though you can’t totally trust your own instincts anymore when it comes to him, as you can’t rule out that this isn’t you insulating him from the truth of the matter.

Greatest fears is not an uncommon question to be asked, but you can usually respond with the standard, snakes or spiders, but his specific wording of it having to do with your job also has you nervous. Does he want you to admit the truth so he has a reason to be mad and avoid delving deeper or does he want you to lie and validate that this relationship isn’t the worst thing to happen to you? Ultimately you decide to err on the side of caution and give him a half truth.

“Given the nature of my specialty, my greatest fear for all of my patients is seeing them return to their old habits. Specifically when I see them return to those who abused them,” you answer. “It’s like saving someone from a fire, only to turn around and see them run back in.” This is certainly not untrue as, while not so frequent, you have had this happen more than once, and experiencing it is a particular type of hell in your opinion, as it reinforces the fact that at the end of the day there is only so much you can do to help people. Before Elvis, you thought it was the worst thing you could possibly experience as a therapist.

You're wrenched from your thoughts by a comforting hand on your knee. “You don’t gotta worry about that with me baby,” he whispers to you. “I ain’t ever goin’ back to him after all the shit he pulled.”

If you can take comfort in anything about this whole situation, you can take comfort in that fact. You rest your hand on top of his for a moment, even curling your fingers slightly, before looking into his eyes. Truly he has some of the most mesmerizing eyes you’ve seen in your life, his dark lashes outlining the deep oceans that never fail to leave you a drift. You even begin to reconsider your opinion on hypnosis, considering his ability to make you act like a completely different person with seemingly a single look.

You pull yourself away from those thoughts, remembering that you have a job to do. So you gently squeeze his hand once more before clearing your throat to continue the session, though you don’t make any motion to remove his hand from its spot on your leg. “I would like to circle back to your frequent flings in Vegas if you wouldn’t mind.” you probe softly. You have a theory, but you want him to reach that first.

“Go ahead.”

“When most people describe their reasoning for affairs, it typically boils down to some want or need not being met in their relationship. Previously when we talked about this topic before, it was to my understanding that the distance from Priscilla was the driving factor in this behavior,” he shrugged his shoulders at this. “But now you’ve described how you took little satisfaction from these encounters, even likening it to a chore. Please help me better understand what you gained from these experiences or what was different with these women.”

He sits on this question for about a minute, bringing a fist to his mouth as he typically does whe deep in thought. “I ain’t gonna lie and say I didn’t wanna fuck at all, but I guess more than anythin’ I didn’t wanna be alone those nights.” He smiled sardonically at that statement before continuing, “Funny thing though, it was never as good with women I didn’t know that well, and it just made that lonely feelin’ worse. What do ya’ make of that Doc?”

You ponder his response, though it is pretty much what you suspected. “It sounds to me, that what you were seeking wasn’t necessarily sex, but intimacy,” you state.

“Ain’t they the same thing?”

“They certainly can be,” you say. “But what separates the two is an emotional connection. I suspect that the reason that these encounters weren’t satisfying for you was because that connection was missing.”

“Yeah,” he says with a long tired sigh “Yup that sounds ‘bout right.” He covers his face with his hand as though ashamed, before saying, “Fuck, I feel so stupid. How I ain’t never noticed before?”

“Elvis, please don’t speak about yourself that way,” you say in your softest tone. “It’s hard to truly reflect on our behavior and how it affects us, unless directly confronted with it. To some extent we view ourselves with blinders on, making self-reflection and by extension, change, nearly impossible without the intervention of consequences.” Taking his hand away from his eyes and holding it before continuing. “Especially when you’re living a life where outside forces are encouraging the behaviors that you were exhibiting. I commend you for having enough courage to change.”

His expression is still solemn as he says, “you sound like you knew already. Is this real common with the others?”

“I can reassure you that to some extent, everybody on some level wishes to be understood. I’ve heard stories from patients who have admitted to hiring escorts for the sole purpose of listening to them speak about their day and pretend to be their girlfriend. You don’t have to feel alone in your need for companionship, as it feels like part of the human condition is to seek out understanding from another person.”

A small smile finally breaks his grim face. “Lucky for me that I think I found her,” he says, kissing your hand. As you put your hand over his once more, all you’re thinking about is that the only difference between you and a prostitute right now is that you’re partially covered by his insurance.

When your time was officially up that day, you were already prepared for him to initiate something with you, but to your surprise instead he would simply bring you to sit on his lap and hold you for a while before letting you know that he wanted to head home now. You quickly gathered all your things and followed him to his car all the while he held your hand. You recognize what this is about almost immediately: He’s testing the waters with non-sexual intimacy.

You contemplate sabotaging his attempt by initiating tonight, but scrap that plan, as A, you don’t want to give him the wrong idea, and B. you’re not going to ignore someone who's clearly communicating their emotional needs.

“Whatcha readin’ darlin’?” he asks later on as he gets into bed.

“Oh uh just some Agatha Christie,” you say, showing him the cover.

“I didn’t know you like mysteries,” he muses, motioning for you to come closer to him and you abide, wanting to settle for the night. He positions you so that your back is to his chest with his arms encircling your waist, with his legs on either side of you.

“I guess I just like problem-solving,” you say.

“Read it to me.” he says, planting a kiss on your temple.

“You sure? I’m well into it, so it’ll probably be boring,” you warn.

“Then I’ll fall asleep faster.”

You huff in amusement at him, but comply nonetheless. You won’t lie this feels… nice. It was moments like these where you were able to forget how truly disturbing this entire situation was. You were not his therapist who was strong-armed into this relationship by a deeply disturbed man to fill some sort of mother role. No. You were a woman who was reading in bed while being held by her boyfriend. It feels… simple.

True to his word he was asleep within twenty minutes of when you started reading. In all honesty you enjoyed it, especially after you were able to gauge from him that this wasn’t something his mother did when he was a child.

You’re not too far behind him as you have found it easier and easier to fall asleep here the more time you spend in Graceland. Though you can recognize that it’s very much by design at this point. Elvis’ bouts of insomnia seem to correlate perfectly with the nights you spend in your apartment, and he had taken to late night calls on those nights. His calls are nothing short of psychological warfare, as they are both constant yet unpredictable. He had no qualms calling you while you were asleep or even multiple times a night, no regard given to whether you were asleep or not. It’s gotten to the point where you barely sleep in your own apartment anymore and just wait in an agitated state waiting for his calls. One night he even refrained from calling at all, but rather than relief, you were left an anxious, sleep deprived mess until you saw him later that day.

It was only as the words asking why he didn’t call you last night left your mouth, did you realize the trap you walked into. You hung your head in shame at your misstep, no doubt missing his smug expression as he promised to not let that happen again, and that he’d call you every night the two of you weren’t together from now on.

Even away from him, you couldn’t fully be away from him. You had a total of two days out of the week where you didn’t expect to see him, and yet somehow these were the days you felt most anxious. He’s almost akin to an ambush predator, able to strike when your guard is down and coerce you into relinquishing some sort of freedom to him. It’s how he was able to get you to reduce your work week from five to four days.

He had walked into your office earlier than his scheduled time that day, take-out in hand, insisting on an early dinner with you. At first you were only counting your stars that your last session had wrapped earlier than usual today, as even mere minutes ago he would have barged in on you with a patient. You had thought you had already subverted whatever powerplay he was making by sheer luck and you were thinking of ways to tactfully ask him not to do this again. As you were coming up with an excuse, you see him put down the food and you see his once amiable expression drop into that of disdain. It’s only then do you realize you left your notes from your previous session fully on display a top your desk.

You as casually as you can move your notes out of sight, and shift the conversation back to the food at hand. He quickly changes back to his previous mood when you accept his offering, though that does little to quell your nerves. So as the both of you eat, he talks casually about his day so far, and you try to rationalize that with the quick glance he got at the papers, it is unlikely he got anything more than maybe a name.

“I didn’t know you were seein’ other men,” he said oh-so casually putting down his plate.

And that’s all he needed apparently, you thought ruefully.

Samuel Baker. Mild-mannered accountant who had sought out your services after separating from an emotionally abusive ex-wife. He had come to you after a distant relative of his had recommended your practice and was one of the few male patients you helped on a weekly basis. Just today, you had talked to him today about strategies to employ when having to meet with her when doing custody exchanges. He had also just unknowingly become the object of Elvis Presley’s ire for merely existing in your presence.

“Elvis, please don’t say it like that,” you said, putting your fork down. “Yes, I have many patients, and yes some of them are men. But I can reassure with total certainty that you don’t have to worry about any of them as it is all strictly professional.”

“Ain’t that what you used to say about us?” he argued back. And what can you say to that really, you know he’s right.

His bouts of jealousy are nothing new to you, as you have both heard from him and experienced what it’s like when he gets this way.

“Elvis, this is my job,” you emphasize. “I help people through their emotional turmoil, and I take pride in the work that I do. I’m not going to stop helping them because you don’t trust me.”

“It ain’t that I don’t trust you,” he said, caressing your face. “It’s them. They don’t know you’re my girl. And I can’t protect you.”

“Elvis, why would you need to protect me?” you said, truly baffled at that statement.

“Darlin’, as smart as you are, you don’t understand men like I do,” he said. “They see you and think you can fix ‘em. I don’t want to see ‘em take advantage of your big heart.”

Is… Is he being serious right now?

“What would you have me do Elvis?” You are genuinely curious as to what he wants from you.

“Baby I don’t like seein’ you havin’ to work so hard for these other men that don’t deserve you,” he says. “Maybe you should drop ‘em.”

And there it is, you think snarkily.

“Elvis,” you say, standing up to your full height to look him in the eye. “I’m not going to do that,” your voice firm and your fists clenched.

He looks taken aback by your hard stance, and his dismay from being refuted passes as a near sadistic glean in his eyes takes its place. “Y/N, I just want to ease your workload. I guess I can start by transferrin’ over to that other therapist you were reccomendin’.”

“No, no,” you say quickly, closing your eyes in defeat. “If you’re really worried about me working so much, then I-I can rework my schedule so that I work fewer days in the week.” bringing your mouth into a tight line in an attempt to keep it from quivering.

“Three days.” He says.

“Four and I give myself a three-day weekend.” You say.

He thinks on that for a moment doing some internal calculating, before smirking and agreeing on the condition that you start on that schedule immediately.

He ultimately rewards your compliance by laving your pussy for almost the entire scheduled session. It’s become something of a pattern, where you push back against a demand of his and when you inevitably end up compromising he does this. Your worries about this being some sort of conditioning you chalk up to paranoia. Even still a month after the shift in your schedule did you notice that many of the patients that you ended up transferring or graduating out, just so happened to be men.

One Wednesday evening, as you were settling in for the night in your apartment, you feel your blood run cold as you hear a loud knock, because it’s not a stranger you fear at the door. You however breathe a sigh of relief though when you find Mark at your entrance. In spite of the fact that it had felt like months since you had talked to him, he seemed happy to see you greeting you with a big hug. You welcome him in and he remarks at how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other.

You laugh nervously at that, knowing it’s due to the fact you're rarely at your place anymore. You’re barely able to maintain contact with your own family anymore, having to swap your previously regular phone calls to weekly, because anything less would have your father filing a missing persons report on you. Even so, you try to dismiss his concerns with a weak statement of work having kept you busy lately, quickly changing the subject by asking about his students and how his research is going.

As you’re chatting you look at the clock and realize that it’s around this time that Elvis would call. He has maintained his promise of calling you regularly now, and you’ve never missed a call from him, fearing what he may do in retribution. However you can’t exactly talk to him now while Mark is in your place nor can you let Elvis know that he’s here. So with that in mind you “accidentally” knock over your drink onto the coffee table.

You curse at your supposed clumsiness as he acts quick to save your mail on the table. You grab the glass and run to the kitchen to grab a towel after quietly disconnecting your phone. You’ve decided to roll the dice and hope he doesn’t decide to call until Mark is long gone. Either way you need to get him out of here, as you’ve already experienced his jealousy with hypothetical men he’s never met before and you don’t want to think of what could happen were he to find out another man was here alone with you.

“Oh that reminds me” he says holding up the red envelope he managed to save. “I got the invitation.”

You feel your heart stop. “What invitation?” you manage to squeak out, worried that this is Elvis related.

“To… your parent’s 40th Anniversary?” he said, confused as to why he was the one to remind you.

“Oh… right, that um…” you say, trying to gather your thoughts. “That… really snuck up on me this year.”

“Right? So… do you still need a date for it?” he asked. Since grad school he had been your go to in regards to a plus one to family gatherings such as this. He was somewhat familiar to your admittedly complicated relationship with your parents, and with his success in the field as a professor and overall innocuous presence, he was the perfect candidate to help stave off the comments of you attending alone.

A part of you wishes to walk into the party, arm-in-arm with Elvis, just for the satisfaction of seeing something beyond indifference on all of their faces. You quickly banish that thought and say yes to Mark as a result. You can’t help but notice even in conversations not about him, your thoughts somehow find a way to make it about him anyway.

You chat with him a little while longer, though you are still uneasy, as you can’t quite put it past Elvis to show up at your doorstep because you didn’t pick up your phone. Before long you’re excusing yourself, saying you have a session early in the morning and he thankfully takes the hint. You walk him to your door and when he leans in to give you a kiss, you turn your head so he kisses your cheek. He clearly caught that, but thankfully says nothing, before taking his leave and promising to see you Saturday.

You fall to your couch and bury your head in your hands feeling awful, though when you hear the pounding on your front door, you know you’re going to feel alot worse. You open the door, only for Elvis to push past you to stand in the middle of the room, “Who was he?” he asks, cold as the grave, as you close the door.

You’re not even going to pretend to play dumb. Though you are perturbed as to how he knew, the how isn’t as important as the what now? You approach him from behind to put a hand on his shoulder, and you feel him tense up under your touch. “Elvis please sit down so we can talk about this,” you say, simple but firm.

He whips around and before you know it he has a bruising grip on your arm and gives a firm yank towards him. “Answer me!” he roars.

Though you’re shocked and more than a little afraid, you refrain from letting him see how scared you are right now. You swallow and look him right in the eye, and say, “You will not treat me like this.” If your years working as both a therapist and waitress has taught you anything, it’s how to be yelled at and not let it affect you. “Elvis, you’re hurting me. Please let go,” you say though you don’t let your voice betray your pain.

You know it would be easier to placate him with tears and begging and whatever else he wanted to quell his nerves at the situation, but you know in the long term that it will do you nor him any good if he’s not called on this behavior now.

Your words seem to snap him out of it as he lets go, but you can still see him huffing, and know he’s still raging inside. “Now let’s sit down and discuss this,” you say, leaving no room for argument. You guide him to the sofa, and sit with him and breathe a sigh of relief that you were able to bring him down somewhat. “Now as for who that was, he was my friend and colleague, Mark,” you see that fire in his eyes return full force, “and he stopped by today, unannounced, because we haven’t seen each other in months and because he hasn’t been able to get a hold of me he wanted to make sure I was okay. We talked for a while and then he went home, that’s it.” you say as concisely as you can, without going into further detail.

“Why the hell didn’t you answer your phone?” he asks, calmer but still very angry.

“Like I said, he’s a colleague and I didn’t want to take any chances of you calling me and having him overhear and find out about our relationship. So I unplugged my phone, and I haven’t plugged it back in yet, and I’m sorry that I missed your call.” You know you have nothing to be guilty about, and you act like it. You’re not going to beg him for forgiveness beyond disconnecting the phone, and you won’t give in to any intimidation tactics he has. However you still feel your hands go clammy as though you did betray him in some way.

For all his initial bravado you see him deflate and ease back into the couch, and you can finally swallow that lump in your throat. This is where you truly mess up, and betray all your years of experience, by leaning into him and letting his arms wrap around you.

You wish for it to end here, but you know very well how this is going to end, so when he turns your face towards him you simply close your eyes and accept it. He plants a filthy kiss on you bringing you closer so you can straddle him fully.

“You drive me crazy, you know that?” he says between kisses, the delusional look in his eyes telling you that that is very much the case. You fumble with the buttons on your blouse, as all the while he still hungrily kisses you as his hands move underneath your top to unclasp your bra. Once bare from the waist up you remove yourself from him, only to take his hand to lead him back to your bed.

Seeing him in your bedroom is always an odd experience, it’s why you rarely allow this to happen. Being with him here doesn’t have the otherworldly mystique of Graceland or even the salacious allure of your office. No. Here next to your various tchotchkes and cups that you need to wash, it feels… real. There is no hiding behind the thin veneer of treatment that what you two have isn’t a full-on relationship.

But it’s also a sobering reminder of the fact that for as personal as it felt, you still have a life outside of him that he simply can’t be a part of. You’re his therapist and you know that this can't go on forever. You two will eventually go your separate ways and this will all feel more like a dream in the end, but you don’t think you’ll be able to forget how beautiful he looked against your floral sheets or how the rug burn on your knees felt.

Nor do you think you want to forget.

He takes his time with you that night, making sure to stake his claim on your body, leaving no inch of you untouched and leaving the occasional bruise to fully mark you as his.

And you want to indulge in him as much as you can because you don’t know how long you truly have left with him.

Later on, as you're laying on his bare chest listening to the steady thrum of his heart and you feel him going soft within you, is when you remember the anniversary party to come. You don’t even know how you’re going to broach the subject to him, especially given the fact that he had just gotten into his feelings about you having a life outside of him. Mix in the fact that you’re going to be attending with a man who you just told him not to worry about, and this is going to be nothing short of a disaster.

You realize how manipulative it looks to ask for something (Though you shouldn’t really have to ask) right after having sex with him, but you know this is not something you can simply put off for later, because you realize the effect he has on you. If you don’t do it now, you fear you may lose the courage to do so having to face him in the light of day. You can no longer justify putting off your personal life for his benefit anymore.

So truly is it not better to just rip the band aid off now?

“Elvis?”

“Yeah baby?”

“This saturday…” and with your ear over his heart, you hear it speed up a little, and that makes you take the coward's way out. “I made plans to meet with my graduate class for a get together.”

He’s quiet and his steady breathing has you fearing that he’s already fallen asleep, until he says, “Alright then, what time should I be ready?” he says.

“No, Elvis,” you sigh. “I’m going alone.”

You never quite understood the phrase cut the tension with a knife, until the heavy silence fell over the both of you in that moment. You swallow thickly as you feel him remove one of his arms around your waist and turn the lights on temporarily blinding you. Part of you wishes it had become permanent as you see the heartbreak etched into his face as he whispers, “Why don’t ya’ want people knowin’ ‘bout us?”

You close your eyes in frustration, because this is certainly not the first time you’ve had this conversation with him, but this is the first time it’s been so emotionally charged. You get off of him and sit on your knees to fully look at him, far too comfortable in your nudity than you should be, especially for what is about to be discussed. “Elvis you kno-”

“I know, but I don’t understand mama,” his eyes glassy. “You do all this work for people who don’t appreciate you like I do, and for a job you don’t even like.”

“What are you on about?”

“You’re unhappy,” he accuses.

“I am not,” you lie.

“Yes you are,” he raises his voice, so sure of his assumption. “I see it every goddamn session. How tired you look at the end of the day. How even when you're home you’re thinking about the others. Hell you don’t even see you’re own fuckin’ family because of the job, and now you say you can only go out with friends because they’re shrinks too.”

“The reason I don’t see my family is you,” you redirect.

“When the hell did I ever say you couldn’t see ‘em!”

This clamps you up because it’s true. That was your choice, not seeing them in the past few months, but that was only because the last thing you wanted was for him to want to join you.

“How long before you end up choosin’ this job over me?” he says with the most heartbroken tone you’ve heard.

Your continued silence speaks volumes.

“So that’s it, ain’t it? This job is already more important than me?”

“Elvis this is what I've spent years of my life working for, I can’t simply throw it away for you,” you say, trying to justify yourself. “You can’t demand someone quit their job so they can be with you.”

Whether at your words or you directly, you feel the resentment in the look he gives you as he turns away from you and plants his feet on the carpeted floor. You hear him huff for a bit before he ultimately clicks his tongue and says venomously, “You got work in the morning dontcha? Well I best get outta here since it’s so important to ya’.”

As he stands to get dressed, you want so badly to ask him to stay and against your better judgment you reach out to him.

“It’s all the same to you, ain’t it?” he says, pulling up his pants interrupting your attempt. “We pay you to listen to our troubles and feelin’s and you tell us how we should act and shit.” Throwing on his shirt, he gives a small mirthless laugh before turning around, grabbing your face and saying “‘cept I’m the only one who gets to fuck you?” with a dangerous look in his eyes.

“Yes.” you answer looking away in shame.

You wish you had been looking at him, because then that you would have at least been a little better prepared for the fingers that were suddenly in your cunt. Though mercifully you were still very wet, you still can’t help but the soft shriek of surprise at the sudden intrusion, which is all he needs to get to work once again. He knows you well enough now to know exactly how to touch you in a way that has you falling apart in minutes.

You want to lean back, but his firm grip on your face makes it impossible to run away from the sensation. You're forced to look in his eyes and know who is making you feel this way. You make a token effort of trying to push him away or clench your thighs together to prevent him entrance, but you just can’t stop yourself from chasing the pleasure only he has been able to give you.

“This just part of the job too, Y/N?” he whispers angrily.

You don’t get the chance to answer as he curls his fingers in just the right spot and nips your ear just the way you like, and you're falling apart yet again. You can’’t help your cry, and he responds in kind by shoving his fingers into your mouth forcing you to taste yourself, while your hips desperately seek purchase from your sudden emptiness. Once he wrenches his fingers from your mouth, you see that he still has that cruel look on him and you're not entirely sure if that shudder that run through your body is one of fear.

“Since it’s just a job to you, I best pay you better for all the extra services,” he growls, before pulling out his wallet and throwing whatever cash he had at your face. “That enough?”

You want to be mad at what he’s implying, but your feelings of anger are quickly stamped out as you see the genuine hurt in his eyes before he turns away to angrily shove his boots on and stomps out of your apartment. You cry to yourself until you hear your alarm go off and you're forced to get ready for the job you’ve chosen.

He doesn’t show up for his scheduled session.

That Friday, because of your altered schedule, you don’t even have the luxury of work to distract yourself, so you can only really stew at home. He’s mad at you no doubt about that, and why wouldn’t he be? He truly wants to treat what you two have as an actual relationship, and you made it clear you have a life outside of him that he’s not welcomed in, not to mention him finally figuring out where your priorities lie. No matter how reasonable it is to keep him separate, it no doubt hurts for him. Especially given the fact he’s opened up his whole world to you.

It’s the uncertainty that is killing you though. If he were to call right now and tell you that he was going to report you, that would at the very least be better than the silent treatment you're currently receiving.

Of the two impending disasters in your life you choose to focus on your parents party for the time being. You were not looking forward to this whatsoever, given how your typical family get togethers go, and with you having been far less available in the last few months, you can only imagine how this will go.

When you had first begun to circle in on Elvis’ issues surrounding his mother, he had pushed back as many do by asking the same of you. This wasn’t an uncommon avoidance tactic, so you already had vague answers prepared for all general questions you asked of your patients. Your go-to descriptor of your family dynamic was simply ‘fine.’

Fine as in you had an open invitation to all holidays and family get-togethers, which almost always consisted of you helping your mother in the kitchen before and after the meal where she would talk your ear off with gossip she heard and try to set you up with someone from her church. You would eat with the entire family, you would play with your niece and coo over your nephew, and grin and bear your sister-in-laws backhanded musings of why anyone would ever choose anything else over this. Your brother and father would separate from the lot of you to sit and drink on the porch in loaded silence. You would say hello and goodbye to your father, and that would be the totality of the interaction between the two of you. Neither of you would acknowledge this. You would go home as soon as was appropriate. You would repeat the next time.

The story of your parents is, all things considered, picturesque. Your father the baseball star, your mother the prom queen, who married right out of high school. He would attend college and then medical school right afterwards, she would have a beautiful boy and become the ideal homemaker. Your father would later be drafted and served on the western front until the end of the war and upon his return is when you enter the picture.

Your father was a prideful man, and why wouldn’t he be; Chief Physician of the biggest and newest hospital in the city, beautiful wife, smart and successful children. Image was always a great concern of his, taking great stock into who he associated himself with and what he owned. Though you and your brother, Danny, were undoubtedly your fathers most prized possessions though.

Your brother, the very image of your father from his career down to the way he walks. Aside from a brief rebellious stage when he was a teen, Danny had followed the path your father had made for him down to the letter. You can never recall any instance in which your brother said he wanted to be a doctor, though you do remember your father always saying he was going to be one. You remember this specifically because in one instance you had asked him what you were going to be when you grew up and he replied with a kiss on the forehead saying how you would make a man so very happy one day, because you made him so happy. In retrospect, most of your childhood you felt more akin to a doll, meant to smile and be fussed over when he was interested, while also being quiet and sitting unobtrusive when he wasn’t.

And you played along: good grades, good social standing, good attitude, all around good girl. In fact you can only really point to two instances of rebellion in your life, your chosen field of study and your relationship with Elvis.

You’re not too sure how your parents would react to your relationship with Elvis even under normal circumstances. Your mother you’re almost positive would approve as her highest aspirations for you were that you would marry a rich man. And you don’t remember her having strong opinions about… anything really, let alone Elvis Presley. Though she doesn’t often disagree with father, so whatever hypothetical reaction she would have, you can at least guarantee that it would be a joint one with your father. As for your father you do remember his near violent rage towards your brother for playing Elvis’ music during his more controversial days, as he had adopted the opinions of his fellow bible thumpers. You can also recall him immediately showering you with love and affection in front of your brother, audibly complimenting how much he loved you because you weren’t a difficult child. That is still one of your fondest memories of him.

The dynamic between you and your father was always an odd one, either very hot or very cold at any given moment. From a very young age you remember him having, what your mother would refer to as episodes, where he would be home from work but not entirely present. He would sit for hours in front of the fireplace and be in a near catatonic state. Apparently when you were a baby one got so bad that he was there nearly the whole night and your mother at the end of her rope with him, thrust you into his arms, and it ended up having the desired effect of snapping him out of his state.

From a young age he had described you as a godsend for him, how all the men he had lost in the war still haunt him, and how you were the only one capable of making them quiet, and how you were a reminder that he was still capable of life, whatever that meant. At one point you asked him once if there were ghosts in the house, and you remember him giving you a pained smile as he reassured you that ghosts only live inside your head. You fear that he was all too correct about that.

The burden of quieting these ghosts was always on you. Your brother who remembered your father prior to him being drafted was perturbed by his apparent shift in personality. And your mom saw nothing wrong with the arrangement as he wasn’t stuck in his head forever and you got to spend quality time with your father. If by quality time she meant talking, singing, etc., to your father while he silently held you in his arms. Mostly you read to him and once he snapped out of it he would praise how smart you were, though even from a young age you could recognize that he hadn’t heard a single word of what you had said.

Though for all that it helped him, it was not particularly healthy for you. You can recall how being anywhere without your father was stressful, as you feared he would have an episode and you wouldn’t be there to help him. The negative effect it had on your social life as you would rush home to be there when he got home from work and finally you would learn that this was not a common experience amongst the other girls. How you would barely sleep some nights due to the fact that he hadn’t had an episode in some time so you knew one was on the horizon.

This all came to a head when you were twelve or so, and asked if you could go to a friends, whose name you don’t even remember, sleepover, only for him to immediately shut you down and remind you how much he needed you home just in case. You don’t even remember what it was about that particular sleepover that made you want to go so bad, but this would be the first time you butted heads with him in your life.

Specifically you remember telling him how you weren’t going to be a little girl forever and you should be able to do things without him. You think you even remember saying how he needs to talk to someone about his episodes and how he shouldn’t always rely on you for them. Almost as soon as you said those words, did you regret them, as you watched the humiliation and pain in his eyes turn hard. He would let you go, but you could hardly enjoy yourself there, knowing how badly you hurt him. The next day you would come home to find your dad training a new dog, he refused to talk about it and you didn’t want to push the issue, so you let it be.

You would regret that the next time you saw him having an episode, he would dismissively ask you to go back to your room all the while looking only at the new dog. And how could you complain, or more aptly, what did you have to complain about? Is this not what you wanted when you said that to him? For him to rely on someone else because you wished to be independent, and now he is doing just that. Even if that meant he didn’t really look your way anymore.

For the next few years you would have little interaction with your father outside of him giving you orders and you almost always followed them, desperate for that connection you had once more.

You would be lying if you didn’t admit that this was part of the reason you got into your field in the first place, however you have since made a vow to refrain from attempting to diagnose any family member. Though of course now you can look back on it and conclude that turning you into essentially an emotional crutch since your infancy was an unhealthy coping mechanism on your fathers part and you wish that it did not happen, and you have worked to unpack all that on your own. However you don’t believe it has had any lasting damaging effects on you.

Come Saturday you had decided to fully push Elvis out of your mind and focus on the party. Your mother had called the night before to invite you as her plus one for a spa morning before getting ready for the party. Your father is a perfectionist and you always knew when he was like this before a party the best place to be was out of his way.

As you approach the spa, you try to take comfort in the fact that your mother at the very least will be able to get all her intrusive more questions out before the party. You have no doubt that everything you say to her will be parroted back to your father before long. In spite of this you try your best to relax that morning and take your mind off of everything.

Your mother brags that this trip was an anniversary gift from one of your fathers more high profile patients. It’s odd to you how your father can so easily accept gifts from patients in your eyes, when not only your job, but your own safety is reliant on an ability to maintain a professional distance from your patients. Your father is able to not only do this so flagrantly, but to thrive on it socially, as you know from past experiences that a good portion of guests that attend any of your parents' events are in fact his patients.

You on the other hand reluctantly accepted one bottle of wine from a patient and your life has been on a downward spiral ever since.

You ponder what your life may have been if your father had been able to talk you out of switching majors. “I just want to see my princess succeed,” those words, seemingly gentle in delivery, when they in fact pierced your heart like a knife. Whether he was trying to intentionally break your spirit or not becomes irrelevant, as his message was clear: you would not find success here.

And look at me now daddy, you thought bitterly. Fucking a patient who has the eyes of the world on him, with my entire future uncertain as to whether or not I’ll make it to the other side of this. I sure showed you what it means to succeed. Though you wouldn’t be surprised if this was in fact a success in your fathers eyes.

You and your mother would return to your childhood home as the staff was finishing setting up. Every party your parents threw was nothing short of an event and this time was no different. Your parents took the concept of this being their Ruby anniversary seriously, even going so far as forcing you, Danny, and his family to wear the exact same shade of red for the full effect of family unity.

The dress chosen for you was more conservative than you would have liked, but as a result was a nice breather from the more risque dresses Elvis has been having you wear. You grin and play your part of the adoring daughter for the obligatory family photo, to which Danny reveals he’s going to have the portrait painted for the mantle for their wedding anniversary. You would gift them an expensive watch and necklace that you picked up last minute yesterday, and would secretly hope for your brother's plan to fall through because the last thing you want is to have to see this period of your life staring you in the face for years to come.

You would play with your niece as guests started to trickle in and quite honestly it’s the closest you’ve come to reprieve in a while. She wanted to show you her new doll and you in turn showed her how to braid their hair, and you idly wonder if she would get along with Lisa Marie. You yank the doll's head a little too hard when you think about the circumstances of the two of you meeting, let alone her meeting your niece, as you are hoping for the relationship between you and Elvis to peter out before that point. Eventually one of your cousins with kids arrive and you no longer have the excuse of keeping her company to avoid adult interaction.

As a child you were always so mystified with these parties, sneaking to the staircase to watch all these fancy people milling about in your home below. Doctors, and lawyers, and businessmen and even politicians from around the city, all mingling together and having important discussions you were too young to understand fully. Your mother, beautiful as always, would play her part as hostess perfectly, occupying the women in a separate room to talk about whatever gossip had been brewing in their circle. But it was always your father who was the proverbial belle of the ball at these parties. He could walk into any room and all eyes would eventually gravitate towards him, he could hold a conversation with men of all backgrounds, and he could enrapture an entire party with one of his famous stories. You wanted more than anything to be down there and see up close what was essentially your father holding court.

Now as a grown woman, you are far more jaded to the experience, as going to these parties primarily entails intrusive questions of your love life, and attempts at playing matchmaker by most of the women. Not to mention the comments of how much you’ve grown with tones of varying levels of appropriateness from the men. It started when you began college, as before conversations with these people tended to be generic questions on if you were doing well in school and clubs you were in. Now, in spite of your status as an independent adult with a career and expanded interests, these people struggle to make conversation with you that doesn’t pertain to your love life.

The evening was going as well as you could hope, considering you were able to connect with some old friends and family members you hadn’t seen in a while, though a glance at the clock tells you that Mark is running late and you have to take the judgemental looks from distant family members as to the whereabouts of both a ring and a boyfriend. There is still some time to go before the end of the evening and you plan to make a quiet exit once everyone makes the obligatory speeches and toasts.

That is until you hear, as does everyone else, the heavy entrance doors open simultaneously and you feel the air shift. There seems to be a hush that falls across the attendees before you start to hear the incredulous whispers, each one filling you with dread.

Is that?!

I can’t believe it!

Why is he here?

You feel everything slow down, and without even needing to see him, you know exactly who just arrived. But the optimistic side holds out hope, so you have to confirm for yourself. You turn slowly as though that will prevent what’s about to happen and you feel your heart stop as you meet his gaze for the first time in days.

Tags

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askamydaily · 4 months

Text

FINALLY ...

I don't have to care about gender reveal parties.

(The following column runs in newspapers across the country on May 24th, 2024)

Dear Readers: After 21 years writing the “Ask Amy” column, I’m announcing that I’m leaving this space. My final column will run at the end of June.

I’m healthy, happy, and 64-years-old. This is a decision I’ve been wrestling with for over a year.

When I was first hired by the Chicago Tribune to write an advice column after Ann Landers’ death, I was a middle-aged single mother. My daughter Emily and I moved from our long-time home in Washington DC and relocated to Chicago.

[Emily and Amy, Freeville, NY. Photo by Chris Walker for the Chicago Tribune]

My welcome to Chicago was to deliver a solo performance of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” in front of 35,000 baseball fans during the 7th inning stretch of a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.

This turned out to be a metaphor for my experience writing this column, which has been an exuberant and sometimes nerve-wracking effort of trying to hit the right notes before a huge audience.

After several great years in Chicago, Emily left for college and I moved back to my tiny hometown of Freeville, NY (pop. 505), to spend time with my sisters, aunts and cousins, and to be with my mother at the end of her life.

My experiences have mirrored those of many of my readers. For me, these last two decades have been about the intensity and consequences of both love and loss.

After returning home, I promptly tumbled into a Hallmark Channel plotline, when I fell in love with and quickly married a man I’ve known since childhood (we grew up on neighboring dairy farms). My husband Bruno and I then blundered into the oftentimes awkward blending of our family of five daughters.

[2008, Freeville, NY]

I became a stepmother, and then a grandmother, all before I believed I was ready.

My mother and her three wonderful sisters are gone, now. A niece and nephew died, tragically, while in their teens. Much of my recent life has been absorbed by caregiving, mourning, and recovery.

Day in, day out -- over the last two decades – readers have generously shared their own vulnerabilities about many of our common experiences. I’m grateful that we’ve been able to help each other.

I’ve burned through eight laptops, opened bushels of postal mail, written columns in the car, on board planes, in hospital waiting rooms, on my honeymoon, and at my mother’s bedside. During this time, I’ve also written two books, a screenplay, and scores of essays.

Doing this work has sent me into therapy. It has inspired me to explore the teachings of world religions, and to seek the insight of thinkers like Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. I’ve quoted the wisdom of Maya Angelou, Joni Mitchell and Fred Rogers -- as well as dozens of poets, social scientists and psychologists.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, been well-pranked – at least twice (that I know of), and learned how to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and to forgive other people for their own mistakes. Inspired by readers’ dilemmas, I’ve also worked hard to mend fractured family relationships and to be a better friend.

My personal experiences are a reminder that we humans can’t really control what happened before or what happens next. Joy, like grief, comes at you in such unexpected ways. That’s why it is so important to pay attention. I’ve learned to do that.

Being an advice-giver has challenged me to be aware of cultural, social, and relationship trends -- and to appreciate the quirks of human behavior.

When readers get frustrated by my lengthy answers to sometimes petty problems, they will often suggest that I should just tell people to “get a life!,” but I think that wrestling with our questions – from the quotidian to the profound – is living.

For the next month, I’ll continue to publish fresh columns and rerun some favorites. After that, my fantasy is to drive an RV across the country, visiting people I’ve met through this work who have challenged me and tantalized readers with their anonymous requests for advice.

In my hometown, I’m opening a little lending library. You can find me on social media, through my Asking Amy newsletter, at amydickinson.com, or at the Freeville Literary Society on Main Street – talking books with kids and offering advice to anyone who asks.

Love,

Amy

#ask amy #amy dickinson #relationship advice

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donnabenevientosimpingzone · 9 months

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Hey! Now that you’re back I wanted to ask about Resident Lover? I remember you were on the team- but then the game came out and your name wasn’t on the dev list... what happened?

I can’t escape this question can I- and for those of you who messaged me, I did delete them in hopes of avoiding this- but I don’t want rumours to spread so lemme be transparent.

Also pls read this for how I’m handling coming back to this blog: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/741337986608873472/complex-feelings-and-absolute-pandemonium-about-my

No, I wasn’t kicked off the team, nor was I invited back when I left- and they made the right choice doing that. I was not mentally stable. I didn’t take the project seriously, I had jealousy issues, and didn’t take criticism well- I self destructed badly- blew up and burned that bridge to ashes, not to mention what sorta hurt I caused the team.

It did hurt a lot when I saw the game release. I was so upset, and spent so many weeks thinking about ��what if I didn’t fuck up”. But there are no “what ifs” in history, we are meant to go through what we do in order to become the best versions of ourselves. The whole ordeal was part of the last push I needed to finally seek professional help. And the fact it still hurts whenever I see it around means I still care and carry guilt about everything that happened.

I’m practicing exposure therapy to try and heal that gaping wound. RE8 has turned my life completely on its head and I don’t want to abandon it- the best outcome will be the day I can download and play the game and find it within myself to genuinely love it with no more wounds to lick- but for now I’m content with seeing it float around every once in a while on my dash.

Out of respect- I hope none of you will pester the devs about this either. They did something amazing, and I’m so proud of what they’ve accomplished. Out of all of them I really miss MJ. They were the best, most hilarious friend- I always thought they were super attractive- and the whole reason the game was possible. Show them some love- idk message them “you’re cool!” for me or something. Anon ask if you have to. Don’t tell them I’m the one who sent you- I think it’ll be funny to just have a whole buncha people messaging them outta nowhere bahaha

And with that I hope this clears it up and stops people from messaging anymore about it. It’s still a sensitive wound I’m working to heal and I’d like to do it at my own pace<3 I don’t regret the experience, I’m in such a better place now because of it. I would love to make peace with my past self and accept the pain as a part of growing.

Until then enjoy me going back to my usual shenanigans before all the shit hit the fan. I’m very excited to draw more Spider Donna and Beneviento Sisters, I hope y’all enjoy it too<3

Update edit: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/737803172475781120/stupid-lil-update-i-wanna-do-as-per-my-pinned

Update! https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/737980137572892672/people-who-knowknew-me-personally-probably-arent

Update that shows old sprite: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/738487941680316416/want-me-as-a-professor-okay-damn-ignore-the

Update where I rant about Angie and Daniela with a cat: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/740499151828156416/can-we-see-the-png-of-the-angie-sprite-holding-a

Update about the dangie ask on the RL blog: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/742312364040454144/hey-just-a-heads-up-that-the-rl-team-recently

#ask #I’m not tagging this because the team moved on without me #and I’m happy they did #don’t want to open old wounds #so please #don’t bother them about this #I’m just tired of people messaging me and I knew I couldn’t stay quiet forever or else shit will hit the fan #been on the internet enough to know that wheeze #they’re all very good people and I miss them dearly #I’m so thankful for this experience even if I didn’t see it to the end #I THINK THE TEAM ACTUALLY HAS ME BLOCKED SO IM PINNING THIS TO GET PEOPLE TO STOP MESSAGING ME CUZ YES I STILL AM GETTING SOME

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incandescentflower · 3 months

Text

I want Wandee Goodday to be about mental health.

I've been thinking about Dee mentioning Yak's nightmares and possibly seeking help. I'm not really into Dee trying to force him with an agreement. That kind of stuff doesn't work - mental health treatment is something people choose for themselves. But lots of people take convincing. And we've already seen Dee use leverage to get Yak to take care of himself, so not so surprising that's how they brought it up.

But the conversation finally started to broach what has been missing for me - the story of their mutual losses at young ages and how that can very much impact their fundamental remaining relationships. That kind of loss can be so transformative in how a person relates in significant relationships. It can impact attachment to others, create a pathological fear of loss, increase the level of guilt people carry in their life and even impact their developmental mind set - many people get kind of stuck at certain developmental milestones if they experience trauma at young ages.

(I am saying this as someone who has been trained in cognitive-behavioral trauma therapy as a therapist, but it was quite a while ago and I'm by no means an expert. This is just generalizing. And it definitely doesn't happen to everyone. It just feels like the show might want us to think it is happening for both Dee and Yak.)

The show seems to use these facts about them as short hand for some of their behaviors and choices without doing the work to make it clear and I wish they would delve into them more. I'm worried they are not doing so for drama sake later, but that remains to be seen. It also could be that they are punching above their weight when it comes to their understanding of these issues (yes, pun intended).

This is the first time they are implying that Yak's trauma about his mother's death actually bleeds into other aspects of his life. But that connection is not clearly made. I would have found it interesting if they spent the time to draw a vivid line between Yak's loss of his mother and his fear of loss of Wandee. (as an aside, I would say that would also have helped if they solidified Yak's feelings for Dee earlier so we truly understand the intensity of them. the lack of Yak pov makes it hard to know if his feelings are strong enough to instigate this reaction)

It's also hard to draw this conclusion because Yak is the one who is more willing to react by throwing it away - his fear response seems to be to run. It looks like a "time to get out before I care too much" action with him not acknowledging he already has those feelings. And so then after he breaks it off he feels this intensity of the loss in the form of his jealous feelings about Ter - who is taking Dee away.

He seems to carry a lot of guilt about *something* having to do with his mom's death and equates disappointing Dee with disappointing his mother. But without those details, it leaves us to guess. It isn't clear that Yak is melting down here not just from losing Dee, but over triggering those feelings of loss over his mom again, and possibly the expectation that he will lose everyone.

But that would be the most compelling reason to me.

I think the same actually goes for Dee and his reactions to relationships. We've seen Dee have two trauma flashbacks without any explanation, but it's safe to assume he has his own baggage to deal with. Still, the show is unclear how much it impacts Dee's behavior. Since he has Plakao, a psychiatrist, as his friend it implies that if Dee was truly deeply struggling emotionally, we'd see Kao telling him ad nauseum to go to therapy, not telling him to just take the leap and confess to Yak.

Without Kao saying "Dee, this is more than just indecision"- it seems like the show is saying it isn't a behavior that needs professional help. But if you take it out of the way it is often played for humor, it sure seems like it to me.

If I had a friend who seemed to be struggling so hard with having feelings for someone and had so much fear of those feelings that it was making them a little miserable, and on top of that seemed to not be able to set firm boundaries with someone who had hurt them immensely, so much so that not letting go of that person was more important than how the other person treated them, you bet I'd think they should be talking to someone.

Kao is being played as the voice of reason, but he is very static right now. He's just kinda being the audience stand-in to say GAAAHHH stoppppp. But if I'd had the same conversation with a friend this many times, I'd start to ask - hey, why are you always doing this? why are you always making things complicated?? how is that serving you when you say it isn't?? That is the crux of therapy. Figuring that shit out. It feels like the show wants the character motivation without having to delve into it too seriously.

When Dee says to Yak maybe you should get some help - perhaps he should be putting on the oxygen mask first before he attempts to help anyone else.

And honestly, their mutual trauma being the reason they are having such a fucking hard time working this out would be so, so interesting to me.

I'm just not certain that is what the show wants us to think.

#wandee goodday #wandee goodday meta #I'm still gonna hope this is where they are going and they tighten it up #and not do a hard left into their parents' deaths are related plot #but if I had to bet well...

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marvelslut16 · 1 year

Text

Acquaint Yourself With The Avengers

Prompt number: 29 "That's all? Easy."

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!reader

Rating: E(veryone)

Word count: 4.2k+

Warnings: Maybe some swearing. Slow Burn? Reality TV show hate. Bucky (and readers') self hatred. Talk of death.

A/N: Hey guys! I feel like I've been gone forever- work is killing me! But I'm back for Fictober and I'm really hoping I'll finally do the whole month. This is part 1 of 2 I think- but I'm open to writing more in this universe. Part two will be up in a few days if not tomorrow. I have never watched a reality TV show, so please bare with me for the mistakes I no doubt made.

“This has to be a joke,” you deadpan, throwing the joke of a contract onto the table in front of you. Steve murmurs in agreement on your left, and an increasingly uncomfortable Bucky shifts in his seat to Steve’s left. “Tony, reality shows are crap. What were you thinking?”

“This is coming from higher up than me,” he rubs his temples, giving away his exasperation. Over the years Tony started to slowly step out of the spotlight, no longer seeking out media coverage. “It’s directly from Fury, and the few Congress members that are still on our side. Since the Accord drama our ratings have been dipping, we need them to see that underneath it all we’re just human.”

“And if I don’t agree to it?” your voice hardens as you have a staring contest with the billionaire.

“Then you’re out.”

“So you’re telling me if I don’t exploit my life, if we all don’t exploit our lives- we’re kicked to the curb. Just like that? Years of work and helping people just flushed down the toilet?” you’re on the verge of angry tears.

Your mother had drilled into your brain since you were a young impressionable child, that reality shows were trash, that they did more harm than good. The worse things people did on these shows the more famous they got, it teaches young children that they’ll get rewarded for their bad behavior. You wonder what she would think of you now, about to agree to become that trash just so you can continue to help the people that are bound to talk shit about each and every one of your friends online.

“I agree with (Y/N/N),” Steve finally speaks up, quickly glancing at Bucky’s clenched fists. “Bucky shouldn’t be subjected to having twenty cameras shoved in his face, not so soon after rejoining society.”

It’s been a month since Bucky came to live with everyone at the newly built compound, he had spent the previous three months after the Accords in Wakanda receiving the best help Shuri could provide. You wouldn’t say that you and Bucky are friends, but you two are definitely friendlier than he is with most of the team. You’ve never pushed him to talk, you two can sit in peaceful silence, something Sam does regularly because of his experience with PTSD and the benefits of talking about it.

“You’re just worried that more people are going to start speculating that you're dating him,” Sam joins the conversation, referencing the newest gossip article published today. Some ‘news’ site wrote a fifteen paragraph article speculating on a non-existent romance between the super soldiers, stemming from one single photo of Steve standing half in front of Bucky and pushing a camera out of his face on the way into a restaurant- for a team dinner.

“On the topic of relationships, I don’t really want a bunch of cameras in mine and Clint’s,” Natasha speaks up from the other side of the table, Clint nods along.

“The last thing people need is hours of footage of Vis and me to analyze and bully us about, I already get enough judgment and hate,” Wanda adds, crossing her arms over her chest. Vis rests a comforting hand on her soldier, he’s learned enough about human emotions- especially Wanda’s- to know not to add anything.

“You guys are overreacting,” Sam rolls his eyes. “Plus this could be a good time to promote things we’re passionate about, like group therapy for Veterans.”

“It sounds fun,” Thor booms, you roll your eyes. No one will say anything about him, he’s conventionally attractive, has a sexy accent, and he’s a literal God. He has nothing but adoring fans.

“All publicity is good publicity,” Tony grimaces. “We can’t go any lower, we’re already at the bottom of the barrel.”

“Peter’s lucky he’s a minor and anonymous,” you pout, out of the corner of your eye you can see Bucky crack a small smile. With that one final comment you're signing the contract, because at the end of the day you’ll do whatever it takes to be able to help those in need. Everyone has a similar vein of thought, all signing their own contracts.

Later that night you're sitting in the living room with Bucky, the News is playing in the background, but neither of you had been paying it any mind. You’re too focused on coming up with worst case scenarios about the impending reality show. Bucky can practically hear the gears whirring in your head, he keeps glancing over at you to make sure you're okay. Not that you notice because you're too wrapped up in your own little world.

“What if they edit it to make one of us the villain?” you ask out of nowhere, this is the first time you’ve broken the peaceful silence in the months you’ve been sitting with him. “Sorry, forget I said anything, I’m gonna head to bed.”

“It’ll be me,” Bucky whispers when you stand up from the couch. “They’ll take this opportunity to show everyone what a monster I am.”

“You aren’t a monster Bucky,” you squat down in front of him when you see that he’s staring at his lap. “You can’t be blamed for what Hydra made you do. And anyway, they usually pick an unsuspecting person on one of these shows and edit it so their words and actions are all twisted. They ruin people’s characters, not make hard hitting political statements.”

“You think they’ll target you?” he asks it like it’s a question, but it’s more of a statement.

“Yeah I do,” you sigh, standing up and plopping on the couch beside Bucky for the first time. “I’m mysterious, or at least that’s what Tony and Peter keep telling me. I don’t have a big social media presence, I do my best to avoid the paparazzi when I go out, and I very rarely speak at press conferences. If they don’t make me the villain, I’m worried they’ll hyperfocus on me until I slip up and become one.”

“I think it’ll be Vision, since he’s a robot,” Bucky adds after a minute of silence, and you can’t help but smile at him.”

Before you know it, Wednesday rolls around, and the fifteen person crew shows up to invade your lives. You start to get overwhelmed by the ten cameras they are setting up, two in a confessional area, and the other three in the living room where you are all supposed to do your opening scripted talk- where Tony will explain why you guys are doing the reality show Acquaint Yourself With The Avengers. On top of those cameras, the crew are setting up hidden and security cameras to catch the action when they aren’t there filming on the main ones. Once you're all seated on the couches- your stuffed between Bucky and Sam- the PA, Alice, comes over to talk to you all.

“So filming will happen Thursday through Tuesday most weeks, unless a big event falls on an off day, crew leaves by ten PM at the latest, and the hidden cameras will go dormant after midnight. No children will be in the final product- as requested by Scott, we can evaluate on a case by case basis if any of the rest of you choose to have children down the line and want to show them. Are there any questions?” she asks, but gives a look that screams not to ask any. “Well if there aren’t any, we should get to shooting, we’re already twenty minutes behind.”

You say your two scripted lines in the beginning scene and then zone out through the rest, you’re a little worried your face will give your lack of enthusiasm away, but none of the crew says anything so you assume you're fine. Soon enough, you're dismissed, but not allowed to go far because the first interviews for all of you are about to take place in the dining room. You and Bucky both stay firmly planted on the couch while most of the others go to the kitchen to get something to drink, or lurk in the dining room to watch said interviews- Steve being the first to be interviewed.

“Just act like the camera’s aren't there,” you say unhelpfully when you notice his gaze shifting uneasily from one camera to the next. In reality you too are struggling with them watching you from every possible angle.

“That’s all? Easy,” Bucky deadpans, a laugh bursts out of your mouth and his eyes twinkle.

“Did you just make a joke,” you laugh again, this time far quieter. For the first time since the camera crew arrived you forget they’re there, too lost in this one real moment with Bucky, too lost in his gorgeous crystal blue eyes. It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him let his guard down with anyone other than Steve.

“And if I did?” he asks playfully, leaning in closer to you, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Then I’d say do it more often, it’s a good look on you,” you grin back at him, and you're only broken out of your trance when Alice calls for Tony.

She calls you after Tony, hair and makeup come rushing over to give tiny last minute adjustments to your appearance after you're seated in front of a ring light. You start to fidget with the hem of your shirt as the PA flips through her paper to get to her list of questions about you, the suspense just making your anxiety skyrocket.

“To start off we’re just going to ask some easy and basic questions to get you warmed up. So (Y/N), you’ve been with the Avengers since it was first formed, tell us what that’s been like, and make sure you put the question in your answer.”

“I’ve been with the Avengers since 2011, I was the second one Director Fury recruited, right after Tony. I’ve loved all of the good deeds we have been able to do for people all over the world, and I’ve made some lifelong friendships too. It’s amazing being able to do something you love with the people you love.”

“Good good,” Alice nods, looking down at her questions. “Now tell us how you feel about all of the new auditions to the team since then, and don’t hold back.”

“We’ve had some pretty great people join since the seven of us were originally put together, not only are they good, friendly people, but they are also all very skilled at what they do. I love watching the team grow, it just means that we have more skills and manpower to be able to help even more people,” Alice rolls her eyes at your response.

“For this next part we’re going to put up article headlines talking about how you’re the most private Avenger, even more so than Natasha. So just tell us why you’re so private.”

“There isn’t all that much to say, I’m just a private person,” Alice makes a keep going gesture from behind the camera. “I’ve always been pretty private and I was only thrust into the limelight when I joined the Avengers Initiative. I do my job to help people not to get recognition, that’s what my career has always been about. I never felt the need to post a lot of selfies online or make a tweet about the workout I just did. People are allowed to do those things, and there’s nothing wrong with that, I’ve just never understood why people would care what I’m doing in my day to day life.”

“Do you feel safe in the compound?” the question comes out of left field and you aren’t sure why it’s being brought up.

“Of course I feel safe! I’m in a highly secured compound with my fellow Avengers, there’s nothing safer.”

“One last question, everyone is dying to know, what’s your relationship status?” Alice even seems like she’s interested in the answer.

“Like I said before, I am a very private person, but I suppose I could answer this. For the whole two people wondering about my relationship status, I am single at the moment. I’ve just been really focusing on my job, and I’ve learned that people don’t necessarily like coming second to my job and my friends.”

“Thank you,” Alice smiles. “Can you send Bucky over next?”

You do as you’re told, search out Bucky and send him on his way to the dining room. Instead of heading to sweet freedom, your room, you loiter and watch Bucky’s intro interview. “Sergeant Barnes, what has it been like joining the Avengers and how has everyone treated you?”

“It’s been okay and mostly everyone-” Bucky gets cut off by Alice.

“Make sure you put the question in your answer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky is clearly starting to get agitated with all of the focus and cameras on him.

“Say something like joining the Avengers has been really good, it’s helping me get better with teamwork again blah blah blah. The team has welcomed me in and it’s reminiscent of my time in the Army, something like that,” Bucky gives one nod, turning back to the camera in front of him.

“Joining the Avengers has been really good, it’s helping me get better with teamwork again,” you bring your hands to your mouth to stifle your laugh at Bucky repeating you word for word. “The team has welcomed me in and it’s reminiscent of my time in the Army.”

“Okay,” Alice draws the word out at Bucky’s lack of originality. “Who would you say your best friends on the team are?”

“Steve,” Bucky responds without thinking, and Alice tells him to mention at least one other person. “Other than Steve, probably (Y/N).”

You're shocked, but flattered, by his response. Sure, he may have just said that because you were right there and staring at him, but maybe he meant it. Maybe all of those nights on the couch with him meant something to him.

“Oh really?” asks, clearly liking whatever spin she’ll eventually put on this conversation in editing.

“Yeah, she um, she was the first one to really welcome me and spend time with me,” he rubs his neck nervously.

“Just like (Y/N), you’re really private too,” you take a step forward seeing that the questioning is starting to put Bucky on edge.

“Cause it’s no one's business,” Alice, thankfully, doesn’t push.

“Are you ever worried you may do something to put your team members in danger?”

That’s enough!” your voice comes out firmer and louder than you imagined it would, drawing the attention of the rest of the Avengers. “Bucky isn’t going to sith there and take your abuse, his interview is done.”

You hold your hand out to him, and he jumps to grasp it, gripping it like it’s his lifeline. You’ve never touched Bucky before, and you keep your brain from running at how warm and nice his right hand feels in your own. You lead him out of the room, away from the prying eyes, and the now constant camera presence. You pull Bucky to your favorite room in the compound, the library. You deposit him on the comfy chaise lounge in the middle of the room while you go grab two books. You come back with Harry Potter for you, and The Hobbit for him, you had heard him talking to Steve about the movies once and learned he read it back in the day.

Little do you know, the littlest action of knowing Bucky’s favorite book on top of the way you stood up for him out there means more to Bucky than he’ll ever know how to express. It thaws his frozen heart just a little.

#fictober23 #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #kat rambles #bucky barnes imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine

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msnanu · 1 year

Text

Life Twist 12 | JJK

⏤banner by the talented and sweet: @archivedkookie ❣

⏤summary ❧ After an enormous loss in your life and breaking a long relationship with your now ex boyfriend, you decided you needed a life twist. So you move into a new country to try restart your life and seek for your happiness. What you weren't expecting was someone like Jungkook entering into your life as soon as you got to Seoul.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ jungkook x female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, 4 years age gap (reader is JK's noona)

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language

⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ❧ 10.2k+

⏤ author's note❧ It's finally here! 😌 - I'm so sorry for delaying this for such a long time, this past month has not been easy for me. When I was getting back into writing my beautiful furry friend decided to cross the rainbow. It took a while for me to feel better honestly. For now this will be the last chapter of Life Twist. I might continue it or not, I'm open to write some drabbles for this couple if requested. I loved writing the story of this two lovebirds and I hope you loved it as much as I did 💜 As always, don't hesitate on leaving your thoughts on the story, it makes my heart warm everytime I read your comments. FYI - I'll be working on new ff's! Love u guys and thank u for the love you gave to this story! 🥰

"So, you're saying he was totally unfazed about Minho?" says Aria sounding genuinely surprised while Emma added "Like, you did not even sense an ounce of jealousy coming from him?".

The three of you were in a corner of Taehyung's apartment talking or more like whispering about your little encounter earlier today with Minho and JK at the gym's exit. The rest of your friends - including Jungkook - were just a few meters away from you so you couldn’t be too loud with your conversation.

You shook your head and continued "I don't know how to describe it. I’m telling you, he was like another person, not the Jungkook I dated. I mean, for God's sake!" you exclaim shouting in a whisper to your two friends "Last time he saw Minho he kept glaring the shit out of him and now the two of them were acting as if they were friends!"

"Well, I'll be damn. I didn't think he could change this much in four months. Seems like therapy is doing its job" added Aria while taking a sip of her gin tonic.

"And how do you feel about all of this?" said Emma looking at you curiously.

You groan loudly, throwing your head back. "Ugh. That's the thing. I don't know. Every time I see him, I want to jump right on him" you say while watching Jungkook talking to Yoongi on the other side of the room and the girls giggle at your honesty.

"I just-" you stop yourself thinking how to voice out your thoughts correctly "There's a part of me that is full of fear. We are in a good place now, I mean... look we are in the same room, we are not pulling each other’s head off and everything's okay"

"But?"

"But I'm still in love with him, so madly in love that it drives me crazy. I'm so fucking whipped!" you exclaim while sighing and rubbing your temples.

Both of your friends look at you with worried faces, you're clearly too stressed with the whole situation.

"You know I wasn't rooting for you to fix things up with Jungkook in the first place" starts Aria without any filter as usual.

Auch. That was harsh. But you know Aria means well and she's the type to give tough love.

"But that was Jungkook from four months ago, the guy that couldn't even stand to see someone looking at you. This Jungkook-" she says moving her head in his direction "The one that is doing therapy - even though we know he never was fond of it - in a way it feels like he's a whole new person. He is still the same goofy Jungkook we all knew but I think everything that happened with you made him more mature and maybe - I'm saying just maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to give him another chance" she finishes giving you a sweet smile.

"I can't believe I'm hearing that coming out from your mouth, Aria" said Emma with an amusing tone.

Aria loves Jungkook like a little brother but since you two broke up, she sided with you. There wasn't any bad blood between them at all, but she made it clear that she wasn't happy with how Jungkook had treated you.

You were frowning for a while and seeing that you were awfully silent, Aria's comforting voice caught once again your attention "At the end, it's always gonna be your decision, Y/N. And whatever you decide, it's gonna be okay, we'll be here for you."

"I just don't want to feel any regret, I don't want to make the same mistakes again and again" you mumbled, while nibbling on your bottom lip "What would you do, guys?"

"It's too personal, sweetie. But if you want my opinion, if I were in the same position with Hobi, I would give him one more chance."

"I would too,” said Emma.

It's not like you don't want to give it another go with Jungkook. But it would be your very first time coming back with an ex-boyfriend and the thought of getting back with him and the possibility of your heart breaking up again, terrifies you. Even though, deep down, you know your heart is still with him, you never retrieved it. How could you? You never loved someone as much as you loved him, as you still love him.

And before the wheels in your head starts to work and roll, Aria's voice speaks up again. “That doesn't mean you have to give him a chance tho" she says running her arm around your shoulder and squeezing you a little bit "Maybe you need some more time for yourself, and things might clear up for you on its own"

"Or maybe you just need to go with the flow and relax a bit, don't stress that much overthinking everything,” said Emma.

"That's for sure, you need to calm down, sweetie" added Aria.

"Yeah, I think you're right... I should relax and go with the flow" you repeat - as if it was an easy task for you to do.

And that's the last thing they advised you before you moved on talking about Emma and Joey's honeymoon since they were going soon on a trip to the Maldives.

"Ahhh, Jungkook-ah, stop with the puppy eyes, you're gonna give me a headache" Yoongi teases the youngest, wiggling his brows. Jungkook rolls his eyes although a soft grin spreads on his lips, clearly knowing he got caught staring at you. There's no point on denying it. He doesn't want to be creepy, but you look so beautiful, you always do and it's getting harder for him not to drool over you every time you're near him.

"I can't help it, hyung"

"Did you two talked again about... you know, your relationship?"

"No. We talk about anything but that" the maknae simply responds with a soft smile plastered on his face, reminiscing every single conversation he shared with you these last few days. Just talking with you makes everything better.

"And you're... fine with that?" he asks slowly, sounding confused and surprised at how calmed Jungkook is acting about you and your relationship.

Jungkook gives him a slow nod as he says, "I'm happy of being part of her life again, hyung."

It's obvious that he wants to be with you. But after being apart from you for two months when you broke up and not being able to talk or even see you, he knows that he has to appreciate that you're back in his life, even if it's not in the way he's yearning. If he wants to get you back, he knows he'll have to be patient.

"You know, I bought her a ring before we broke up" suddenly Jungkook confesses, sounding almost proud of himself which catches Yoongi off guard and JK sees it by the way Yoongi's lips part.

"A ring, like- an actual engagement ring?!" he asks right away.

Jungkook nods, pursing his lips in a deep thought before saying "Yes, I was gonna propose in our first anniversary but then all hell broke loose and there went my plans with it"

"Wow. I didn't expect that."

Yoongi was actually the first person to know this. Neither of his other hyungs knew anything about the ring, not even Jin or Jimin. It's the first time he feels like he can properly talk about it without crying his eyes out. And even though Yoongi is not the most open person in terms of feelings, Jungkook always felt comfortable voicing out his thoughts with him.

"Maybe it was for the best, even if I had to go through an unbearable pain." says JK while he sees Yoongi frowning "Maybe I needed to go through all of that to become a better person, not just for her, but for me as well. She deserves the best version of me. I just wish I hadn't made her suffer in that process."

Yoongi stares in silent at Jungkook with a sense of proud and the youngest frowns while saying "What?"

"Nothing. It's just...you are all grown up now" says Yoongi pinching the bridge of his nose.

Jungkook snorts finding very amusing Yoongi's reaction. "Hyung, every time I see you, you say that same thing."

"Because it's true! You've grown up so much!" he exclaims, smiling as Jungkook grins taking a sip of the glass of wine in his hand "Well, at least you already have the ring for whoever you'll end up with."

Yoongi sees JK gulping while he fights that lump that is stuck in his throat "That ring belongs to her, hyung. I know it'll end up on her finger sooner or later" he says, wanting to sound as hopeful as possible.

"You sound confident, Jungkookie."

"I-...I just know we'll end up together somehow, I have that feeling, you know?" he says softly, taking another gulp of his glass of wine.

Yoongi nods, listening to JK's words carefully before asking "And you'll wait for her no matter what?"

"Always. She's worth it." Jungkook responds quickly, without a single ounce of doubt.

A few minutes later you were on Taehyung's big balcony, watching the stars illuminating the beautiful night sky. After gulping down what would be your second glass of wine, you were feeling warmer and relaxed. You could hear your friends' voices from inside, hearing Jimin and Yoongi's all-time bickering made you smile without even realizing.

"How was your physical therapy session, noona? Everything okay?" a soft and well-known voice resounds from behind pulling you out of your little world.

You turn around, your heart fluttering and your face feeling hot at the sight of your ex-boyfriend smiling at you. A thousand butterflies swirling inside your stomach.

Fuck. I love you I love you I love you - your mind is repeating non-stop. How is it even possible that such a gorgeous human being exists?

You purse your lips, trying to play it cool. "It was good" you respond after a while "It was actually the last session today, so I guess my hand is finally recovered."

"Oh! Really?" says Jungkook with an enthusiastic tone "Let me see how it looks."

Your eyebrows furrow for a moment. He gets closer to you, taking your hand in his and looking at it, as if he was some kind of doctor and for some reason it makes you giggle. He looks down on you and suddenly you stare wide-eyed at him because of the proximity of your bodies. Jungkook notices how nervous you seem to be, he knows that look on you, he tries to hide his amusement but fails miserably when you see a little twitch on his lips.

And you can't stop looking at his lips. You are mentally screaming, throwing hands at yourself thinking how fucking weak you are when it comes to this man in front of you.

"I missed seeing that look on your face."

"Wha-What look?" you stutter a little bit.

Fuck. Keep it together, Y/N

"The one that you had every time you were checking me out" he shamelessly says.

You stumble back a little bit as he tries to hold back a laugh. He always finds you adorable when you get flustered.

"You know, sometimes you're too cocky" you say trying to sound as unaffected as possible even though you know you're failing miserably.

"Maybe, but I also know you, Y/N. And I'm sure you were thirsting over me" he giggles before taking a step closer to you and making you freeze in your spot, then he leans in and whispers at your ear “And just to be clear, if it were for me, I would be kissing you since the moment you set a foot on hyung's apartment."

Chris voice is heard getting closer to both of you, Jungkook steps back a little with a triumphant grin on his face seeing how flustered you are. You gulp all the saliva that has collected in your mouth, touching your hot cheeks and trying to compose yourself to not look suspicious to your best friend who's now approaching.

"So, you two lovebirds, are you already back together or you're just busy flirting with each other?" said your best friend with a mischievous tone in his voice.

Is he fucking kidding? You are sending daggers towards Chris with your eyes. Him and his inappropriate comments. Jungkook just giggles and shakes his head at his hyung.

"Oh- okay I-I just wanted to tell you something" says your best friend stuttering at first a little scared when he sees you looking at him as if you wanted to murder him "As you know my birthday is coming soon."

Jungkook and you just nod your heads waiting for your best friend to continue, since it is no news for anyone. Chris has been blabbering about turning 31 for the last month or so.

"I really wanted to do something different this time, so I rented a nice place in Gangneung right in front of the sea, for all of us to have a little weekend get-away."

"Wow, that sounds cool, hyung. I'll be there" Jungkook quickly replied.

"I assume I don't need to ask you anything, if you are not there, I'll kill you with my own hands" says Chris towards you trying to sound intimidating.

"Oh!" you feign fear putting your hands over your chest with an exaggerated ironic tone "I'm so scared!”

"I'm so scared" repeated Chris in a mocking tone and you punched him in his arm.

"Fuck" he hissed grabbing his arm "That hurt.”

"My hand is good as new now so don't test me, Christian" you threaten your best friend as he sticks his tongue out to you and you repeat his actions.

Jungkook just laughed at the scene in front of him with you two bickering as always. Sometimes you two seemed to be younger than him.

A few days later you found yourself at the gym again releasing endorphins and also observing your ex-boyfriend from afar while you are running on the treadmill.

It's not like you are a creep and you're just staring at him. You were minding your own business when you came across with your ex-boyfriend form, standing next to the benches. Jungkook looked visibly uncomfortable with some girl next to him that was clearly flirting with him. His doe eyes kept glancing towards your way as if he was mentally pleading for you to help him.

After seeing over the next few minutes that the girl wouldn't give up and leave him alone you thought - okay, I should probably help him - yeah, it's not like you're jealous or anything, he would help you too if you were in the same situation, right?

You stopped overthinking and you walked with determination towards Jungkook and that girl.

"Hey baby, are you ready to go?" you said grabbing softly Jungkook's arm.

Jungkook's doe eyes look right at you and a smile grew on his face while tugging you close to him. "Yes, gorgeous" he said. The girl in front of you widened her eyes, you could see how embarrassed she felt as Jungkook happily introduced you "This is Y/N, my girlfriend."

Girlfriend. You did not realize until now how much you were missing him calling you that way.

"Oh" the girl said giving you a nod "Nice to meet you. Sorry. I should go."

The unnamed girl disappeared quickly and when she was nowhere to be seen you realized Jungkook still had his arms around your waist. He must have realized too because while clearing his throat, he took his arm back and scratched the back of his head saying "Thanks, she was clearly flirting with me but didn't get the hint that I wasn't interested."

"No biggie, I could see a mile away that you were uncomfortable, I'm glad I could help."

He smiles sweetly at you and you're having such a hard time trying not to kiss him right now. Such a beautiful smile he has.

"Are you leaving already Y/N?" he says waking you up from your trance.

God. I hope he didn't notice me drooling over him again.

"Um, yeah in a bit, I have to finish my routine, but I guess in about ten minutes I'll be done with it.”

That sounded natural. As if you weren't spacing out thinking on a hundred different ways to bang him.

"Great, I'll take you home."

"No need, Kook. Don't worry about it.”

Kook. Oh, how he loved when you called him that nickname. He hasn't heard it in a while. It made him smile instantly.

"I wasn't asking, noona. You helped me, now I want to help you. Don't be stubborn" he said softly nudging his arm with yours.

"Okay, I guess" you said giggling.

Twenty minutes later, you are on the passenger seat of his car, giving him your new address since you realized that he didn't even know where you moved in.

Yes, you had moved out from Chris' apartment a few weeks ago. Although you were very comfortable while living with him and he made sure to let you know that you could stay with him as long as you needed, you really wanted to have your own place. Plus, even if he said that you weren't, you knew that somehow you were disrupting his life.

He couldn't even have a proper date with Irene at his place because you were there, though you tried to go out with Emma and Aria as much as you could to give them as much alone time as you could.

As Jungkook parked in your building entrance he said "You are living really close to my place now, it's a walking distance. Cool"

"Honestly this is the best area out of all the apartments I went to check."

And it really was. It's not like you were looking for apartments near his place on purpose.

He nods. "And you have security at the entrance, that's relieving."

"Yeah" you say chuckling "That was essential for me and one of the main things that helped me deciding on this apartment."

He smiles and says, "I'm glad you finally found your place here."

For a moment, you feel like you are already missing him even though he's right next to you. You don't want him to leave. You don't want to go upstairs alone to your apartment.

It's not weird if you invite him in, right? You are cool with each other, it's not like you can't control yourself. But maybe it would be weird for him? Ugh, you hate yourself right now. Fuck it. You'll just go with the flow.

"Do you wanna come upstairs for a drink? I'll give you an apartment tour."

That definitely took Jungkook for surprise. But his smile grew from ear to ear.

"I would very much like that, yes" he said.

"Great, let's go then."

As soon as you entered your apartment building, the concierge - Kim Jin Hyuk - greeted you both and you introduced Jungkook. You told the concierge that JK should be included on your list of 'frequent guests' from now on, so he took JK's information to prepare his access card.

Jungkook heart felt warm to know that you wanted to include him in the frequent guest list, even if it was a small gesture. Day by day he could feel you getting closer to him and opening a little bit more.

If you were part of the frequent guest list, you were given a special card to be able to pass the access control system installed on the building entrance without having to wait for the concierge to call the owner - in this case you - and ask permission for the guest to be able to go upstairs. Of course, the card had to be also used on the elevator which would only take that person to the floor that was assigned to that card.

The security on this building was something else. And after the sad events with Ethan on your previous apartment, you were decided to move in into a place that made you feel secure in every sense, and this was it for you.

"Wow, this is amazing" said Jungkook as he entered your living room.

It's a four-bedroom apartment, a little bit bigger than Jungkook's but it shared a pretty similar vibe. And you were in love of every space on it. Specially the living room, it was big, with a modern marble fireplace - yes, a fireplace - and had a large window with beautiful views of the city. It was an amazing part of the apartment where you liked to spend most of your time in.

After giving him a tour for every single room, you finished in your bedroom with the huge en-suite bathroom.

"The shower is pretty big" you suddenly said, giving Jungkook a sheepish grin.

He smiled too. He knew what you were hinting on. The first time you slept together he had teased you saying that whenever you moved in together you would need a bigger shower. Another thing he missed about you. Your constant teasing. "Mmh, not so sure about that, maybe we should try it out."

"Oh, I actually tried it with Chris and Irene" you responded with the most natural tone.

"Huh?" says immediately Jungkook with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, the first time I came to see the apartment they came with me and we tried it, Irene was like 'OMG this shower fits like four people' and she made us all - including the real estate agent - get inside the shower just to prove her point" you chuckled while reminiscing on that day and thinking how fools you've must look when you all were inside the shower.

"OHHHHHHHHHHH" Jungkook says as if he finally understands what you're talking about. What was he thinking you were talking about?

"Oh my God!" you exclaim giving him a punch on his arm "Jungkook did you think that I had a threesome in the shower with my best friend and his girlfriend? Are you out of your freakin’ mind?!"

You are both laughing nonstop until he says "Sorry! It's just that the way you said it, it sounded so bad."

"Such a dirty mind you have in that pretty little head of yours" you say shaking your head and still giggling.

"When it comes to you, yeah. It kinda ends up always in that same part of my brain" he said smirking and making you blush.

"Stop it!" you say as you start walking towards your living room with him following your steps behind and still laughing.

Afterwards, you shared a few drinks and talked about random things, as always. It felt good. Like old times. But in the end when the night came, he had to go home, and you were left all alone in your apartment.

You were now laying on your bed, with your eyes on the high ceiling. You could hear a storm unraveling on the outside. As it was starting to rain, you felt the urgent need to talk with your dad.

"I saw him a few hours ago but I still miss him a lot, dad. I miss us. But I'm not sure what to do. I wish you were here to help me; you always said the right words" you say as a sigh follows your words.

Suddenly a box that was on top of the closet falls, scattering on the floor all the things that were inside of it.

You had seen that box too close to the edge of the closet a few days ago but you were too lazy to grab a chair and move it to a proper place where it couldn't fall.

"Fuck. I knew it was a matter of time for that to fall" you whispered as you got up to gather it.

When you started gathering everything, your attention gets caught instantly to certain picture. You pick it up and can't help to smile at the sight in front of you.

It was your first picture with Jungkook. The one he took when you went for a hike when you were staying at Hobi parents’ cottage. And it hits you like the lightning that you just heard from the outside.

You want him. You love him.

"I got your message, thank you dad" you say looking up and quickly getting out of your apartment without thinking for a second.

You ring the bell of the apartment once. A few seconds after, Jungkook opens the door and as he sees you standing in front of him, his face lights up with a huge and welcoming smile on his face until suddenly he realizes you are soaked and his eyebrows furrow as he looks at you with worried eyes.

"Bab- Y/N are you okay? You shouldn't be outside with this storm. You're soaking wet."

"Oh" you mumble and chuckle while looking down to your clothes "Yeah, I forgot to bring an umbrella."

"Did something happen?" he asks quickly.

Yes. I love you. You were right. We are end-game. I'm sorry it took me all this long to accept it. I was scared. That's what was going through your mind, but you didn't say anything.

You shake your head, and your body moves on its own going straight into hugging him, enveloping his huge body to yours "Please, hold me" you simply say, and it doesn't take him more than one second to hug you back tightly.

With your nose pressed against his chest, you notice his shirt smells just like him, his favorite fabric softener, and that amazing cologne he always wears. That Jungkook scent, the one he always holds, the one that smells like home.

"Kook," you murmur while you look up to his doe eyes, "Can we please talk?"

"Of course, Y/N" he gives you a small grin as he drags you inside his apartment "Come with me. I still have some of your clothes in my closet, you should change the ones that you have now, you'll catch a cold if you don't." he says, a worry flashing in his eyes as you just nod and follow him.

A few minutes later you were already changed into one of your summer dresses, you didn't even remember that you had left it here. Sitting on his sofa, right next to each other, he decides to speak first.

"So…what do you want to talk about?" he asks lowly as you suck in breath, heart racing against your chest.

Being able to see and talk to each other these last two months, for a moment it had made too easy to believe this chapter with Jungkook was closed when nothing was forcing you to read it. But now it was too late to pretend everything was fine. It wasn't. You couldn't be his friend. You didn't want to be his friend. You needed more.

"You were right, in the end. About you and me, we should be together, we—" you caught yourself, your heart heavy. "I cannot do this anymore; I can't pretend that I'm okay. I don't want to be without you. Since that day when we broke up, when I broke up- I've been trying to convince myself that it was the right thing to do, that I didn't love you anymore, but I can't keep lying to myself or to you."

His eyes looking straight to yours. Sparkling with hope and so much love. His eyes always tell so much.

It was the first time you'd brought up your break-up fight in the past four months. It had been ugly, and shameful for you. You never screamed at each other before that day, but the events unleashed by Ethan and Lina plus Jungkook's lack of confidence, turned into the biggest fight you had. Coming to think about it, that day you both did things you weren't happy about. And you, unlike Jungkook, you hadn't apologized not even once to him.

This was your opportunity to both heal and move on from the past. If you had a slight chance to build up again your relationship, having a sincere talk with him was the best way to start.

"Y/N, I..." He hesitated for a second, but when he spoke again, he sounded more self-assured. "I was wrong back then. I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry, too, Jungkook, I..." you said looking down and remembering your actions that day you felt ashamed of yourself "I never actually apologized for slapping you on the face that day and-"

"No. I mean, yes, we both—but I—" He cleared his throat. "I should have supported you. And I should have apologized before the wedding, I should have gone to Chris' hyung apartment and talk to you but I feared it would be unwelcomed. I know I said this before, but I'll say it again and as much times as it's needed. I'm sorry, Y/N. I really am."

You could feel the weight of his gaze on you, but you didn't move. You hadn't realized how much you'd needed having this talk with him. Even if he had already apologized on the wedding. Even that being totally honest, after the break-up, you couldn't stay resentful for long. You'd forgiven him long ago. But hearing him admit his faults was still a relief. Somehow it gave you reassurance.

"Thank you, Kook." You offered him a soft smile.

"You know, for a moment, I thought that you would hate me forever for how I treated you that day, I was so afraid of you hating me, but you are such an angel-" His voice broke. He scratched the back of his head, then went on sighing. "I should have been there for you, Y/N."

The regret in his voice was painful. It sent your mind flying in all directions, down all of those roads you never dared to tread. You'd always been good at reading him when you wanted to. For the last few months, you'd refused to. But just then... just then, his walls were down. It was impossible not to see... not to wish...

Right then, seeing him this vulnerable you realized, you were tired of hiding your feelings.

"I still regret pushing you away" you said voicing out your thoughts once again.

This, Jungkook could find a way around. He could tell you it was fine and that you'd done nothing wrong. He could pretend he didn't understand that you were still deeply, shamefully in love with him. But his breath caught, and for a long second, he said nothing.

"Do you...?" He bit his lip. Your heart was pounding so hard you were sure Jungkook could hear it. "I never stopped loving you, Y/N. I... You know this... If you want, that is, I want to... I want to give us another chance. It doesn't have to be now, if it's not the right time. It can be... if you need more time..."

Jungkook trailed off and looked away. The blush on his cheeks had deepened. He seemed so angry at himself for his embarrassment that your already heightened senses were sent into overdrive. There he was, telling you what you'd been wishing to hear again, and absolutely being himself while at it. So unapologetically himself, too, that you could have never even resisted even if you'd wanted to.

"I don't need more time" you finally said.

That was enough for Jungkook. His shoulders fell in relief as a smile lit up his face. You could've sworn he outshone the sun. It made you smile, too, but then a small, nervous laugh escaped you.

"This is not what I had in mind when I came over," you admitted.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. I left my apartment feeling like I was going insane, and you could always keep me from spiraling too deep. I just... I needed to be with you."

Your words struck Jungkook. He shifted, taken aback, his mouth open far before any words could come out.

"I don't want to spend another day without you," he finally said. “I know who I want to be. And I hope -” He takes in a breath, eyes shining with hope and sorrow and everything in between. “- I hope you’ll be there with me.”

You swallowed. There was that awkwardness about him, that feeling of not knowing what to do with his hands, or with himself sometimes... it emboldened you. Jungkook didn't want to force contact on you when you were so upset, but his unsure stance told you that he wanted it as much as you did. With this in mind, you didn't hesitate in scooting closer to him.

Jungkook's arms were wrapped around you in an instant. Everything that was weighing down on you no longer felt so heavy. You let your head fall on his shoulder, breathing him in, and the tears you didn't know you'd been holding back were now flowing freely. He didn't pay it any mind until your stilted breathing gave you away, and he pulled back to look at you.

"No, no, don't cry" he said with worried look while running his thumb over your cheek.

"I'm sorry." you said, wiping your eyes, smiling in a way you knew to be unconvincing. "It's just been... too much."

"It's alright." He gave you a little peck on your forehead while his hands had dropped to your waist, refusing to let go of you. "Feeling better?"

You nodded and leaned back into his arms. Just like that, it was like no time had passed between you two. The closeness, the intimacy, it all came back to you with alarming speed. You're so ready to seize this moment once and for all.

"I can't believe it's been four months" you said.

"I know. It feels like forever."

"In a way, yes... but it feels like nothing changed at all."

"It did," he contradicted you with confidence. "We've grown. We've learned. Specially me. This time, I know how to make this work."

"No screaming, then. Or doubting each other" you stated firmly.

Jungkook laughed softly, sending chills down your spine.

"It's a promise."

You stayed like that for a few more seconds, enjoying the closeness. But you wanted more. Jungkook's arms were safe, he was so warm, and he smelled so good that you couldn't stop yourself. You only had to raise yourself a little to get yourself a kiss - so you did.

Your lips found his without trouble, and your heart exploded when he immediately kissed you back, as if he had been expecting, hoping for this already. He was tender, but intense, just as you remembered. It felt like home. You'd missed him so much, too much, and it was driving you insane even as you didn't have to long for him anymore.

He cups your face in gentle manner, tucking a strand of hair behind your hair. "I love you so much, Y/N" he tells you. His beautiful Bambi eyes hypnotizing yours.

"I love you too, Kook" you softly respond, his smile growing wider as ever as you lean in kissing him once again.

Having his soft, pliant lips against yours was igniting a fire within you. Your kisses grew desperate, bold in their familiarity. Your hands were no longer cautious. You were tangled in his hair, traveling up and down his back, and Jungkook was pressing you against him with a resolve that almost took you aback. It was impossible to miss how Jungkook's body was reacting to this kiss. He'd always been easy to ignite, but you hadn't expected to be thrown back into that whirlwind so quickly and you weren't expecting to crave it so desperately.

His teeth dragged on your lip, maddeningly restrained. At the same time, his hand dropped down, brushing your bare knee. The contact against your skin made you gasp, and his hand, stayed there for a second before going back to your waist. No. You couldn't have that. His featherlight touch had made you wish that his long fingers would trace their way up your leg, straight to where you were starting to burn. And that's how you knew that you were too far gone. You weren't supposed to want reconciliation sex with your ex-boyfriend. You weren't supposed to moan so wantonly between kisses and brazenly open your legs for him, silently begging him to slip his hands under your dress and inside —

Jungkook froze. For a split second, you feared you'd gone too far, too fast... but he was disheveled, eyes blazing, voice hoarse and tense.

"Are you sure about this, baby?"

That freaking petname. Dear God.

Right then, when you were so full of raw emotion and pent-up desire, denying yourself was not an option. You wanted Jungkook all around you, and you wanted not to feel this heartache anymore.

"Yes. Please."

That was all the encouragement Jungkook needed. His hand went up your leg exactly the way you wanted it too, hot and heavy and leaving a trail of fire. His mouth was now on your neck, nipping and sucking on your blazing skin just carefully enough not to bruise you, even though you didn't care, you just wanted all of him. You let out a whimper when his fingers finally reached between your legs, above the fabric of your lacy underwear. You moaned, encouraging, dropping your hands and twisting around so you could open your legs wider.

He was looking at you intently, no doubt absorbing the sinful image you presented. He reveled in your whimpers every time he pressed or caressed just the right spot - but he never stayed there for long, and the fabric between you two was only making you more desperate.

"You're so beautiful, so, so beautiful" he said.

But before you could answer, he was in contact with your hot, wet skin. His eyes widened, and even you were surprised at how easily his fingers slipped around, making you gasp, your body shocked awake. Fuck. You were so ready. You had been ready for all these months without him. And Jungkook... Jungkook was absolutely gorgeous. He always had that piercing look in his eyes that never failed to make your legs feel weak, but right then, with his cheeks flushed, his lips slightly parted, he looked obscenely divine.

After running his finger lazily up and down a few times, he slowly pushed it inside you. You were holding your breath, trying to hold on to every single second of this - but once inside you, he curled his finger just so you cried in delight, and then again when his thumb pressed on your clit, working you in a slow rhythm that was threatening to drive you insane. His other arm was around your shoulders, giving them both balance and pulling you closer to him so he could go back to kissing your neck. The steady pace was sending you one jolt of pleasure after another up and down your spine, finding place in your belly and curling up onto itself, more tense with each passing second.

But Jungkook had other plans. He removed his hand, but you didn't have time to protest before he knelt in the floor in front of you, a questioning look in his eye. You nodded without thinking, and his grin widened into a hungry expression that made your throat tighten. You wanted it so, so badly. Since the breakup, more than once you'd tried to imagine how Jungkook's tongue would feel again as it brushed against your most sensitive areas, and every time, you'd blushed and pushed the thought away.

There was no need for that now.

While you got used to the idea, Jungkook yanked down your underwear. It was the hottest thing you'd ever seen - Jungkook, down on his knees, his face between your legs and eager to please, always. You watched in awe as his tongue reached out tentatively, barely touching your already stimulated clit. You squirmed. He did it again, this time more slowly and firmly. Oh, how you missed this. This felt good. Too damn good. His smug, glinting eyes were locked on yours, as he kissed all around your most sensitive areas, everywhere except where you needed him the most. He teased your exposed skin as if he had all the time in the world. It felt like heaven, but he was still refusing to give you the relief you—

The air was forced out of your lungs when Jungkook's lips latched onto your clit, sucking it with the same sort of leisurely care he'd been giving you so far. Fuck. It was nothing like you'd imagined these past months and everything you'd wanted. You couldn't keep up. His tongue and lips were doing wonders, sucking, licking faster, and faster, until you were a gasping, moaning mess, grabbing locks of his hair and pulling him closer against you.

Without warning, he buried a finger inside you. Your head fell back, eyes closed shut. This overstimulation short-circuited your senses and sent your whole world spinning. Jungkook didn't slow down, didn't let up, and once again you found yourself reaching for paradise, hoping for release from this delicious torture.

"Jungkook..." you breathed out. "Jungkook, please..."

That's when he stopped. Your eyes flew open.

You knew his game. Jungkook had always loved bringing you to the brink of an orgasm and no further time and time again, until you were sufficiently wound up and could no longer keep a hold on yourself. You'd always trusted him to deliver, so you only sighed in frustration, a frustration that was short-lived as you watched him wipe his mouth with his sleeve. Your heart stopped. Fuck, that was hot. All you wanted was to push him to the floor and ride him to oblivion right then and there.

Jungkook, however, always put up a fight. He always had a trick up his sleeve. He stood up, his arms now underneath you and lifting you from the sofa. He carried you bridal style the few steps that separated the living room from his bedroom. As you reached his bed, he didn't quite lay you down, but didn't quite let you fall - somewhere between gentle and desperate, considerate and wild, and the second you touched down he was already on top of you, kissing you fiercely, his hands all over your body, trying to reach as much as he could.

You were reeling. Jungkook's weight on you was numbing your good sense. You wanted to touch his naked body and feel his burning skin pressed against yours so badly that your hands found themselves under his clothes on their own accord, sliding up and down his back, grabbing his ass, pressing him firmly against yours, pulling, tugging on the fabric as if that would make it come off.

Jungkook's kisses grew hotter, deeper, until he broke apart for a second. You were hypnotized by the sight of him sitting up and taking off his shirt. You let your fingers catch on his waistband and pull down resolutely. Jungkook shifted to allow you to take off his pants, but you were greedier than that, hooking your fingers on his underwear as well. Everything came off, and just like that, Jungkook was stark naked on top of you.

You were gaping. Jungkook's arms were defined and his chest strong. He was fully erect, clearly yearning to take you, and your need was so overpowering that you almost missed the ravenous look in his eyes. And you couldn't handle it. You slid one of your hands against his chest and your other hand found him, hard and ready, and you were starting to return the pleasure he'd just granted you, when he pulled away carefully, as if it cost him his life. His voice was dangerously uneven when he spoke.

"I want you, Y/N. Now."

He didn't need to say it twice. You felt yourself almost aching with anticipation as he positioned himself between your legs... but he didn't enter you. He was instead grinding against you, basking in just how wet you were for him, this friction seemingly enough for him. You gave him a pleading look that made him smirk.

"You're not playing fair." He spoke. His hands slid up your legs, grabbed your ass, then continued their way up under your dress. He was lifting the fabric as he went, still rolling his hips against yours when he reached your breasts, at which point you had to lift yourself up to allow him to pull your dress off. His arms caught you on your way back down, his long fingers finding the clasp of your bra and undoing it in an instant.

Only then did you lay back down, this last piece of cloth disposed of as you did. He tossed it aside, never taking his eyes off of you.

"Much better."

You had to agree. After all this teasing, your nipples were reacting to the slight change of temperature and the feeling of freedom. Jungkook brushed his fingers against them, sending chills down your spine. Then he squeezed them softly before leaning down to catch a hard nipple in his mouth. You let out a surprised breath. Jungkook's warm tongue drew circles on your skin, his teeth dragging gently against it, alternating this attention between your breasts. And then he was grinding faster, still outside you, his breath heavy with pleasure against your sensitive skin. You couldn't take it. Your muscles were itching for relief and this throbbing emptiness was almost painful.

"I thought you wanted me now," you complained between moans. You were in paradise, but your body still screamed for him. This was not enough. It was maddening.

"And I'm having you, am I not?" Jungkook barely lifted his head as he said this. Your head rolled back when his mouth found your nipple again, this time sucking hard.

Now you were moving too.

"Jungkook, please... I want... I need..."

And then, only then, then he pushed in.

He went in slowly, allowing for the long-forgotten sensation of fullness to wash over you. It was almost enough to make you finish. You were expecting some discomfort after all this time, but your body was too worked up, so you wrapped your legs around him to pull him deeper into you without care. You both gasped. You could almost, almost taste the kind of pleasure that you needed. You rolled your hips once, twice, making him shudder.

"Fuck, Y/N..."

He shifted, leaning back to kneel between your legs, the sudden movement sending a wave of pleasure through you. Your ankles locked behind his back as he started moving, his thrusts shallow and tentative at first, but he gradually pushed longer and harder until you felt him just right, just in the precise way that made you lose control of yourself.

"T-there."

And then it was chaos, and bliss, and everything you had been so desperately craving. Jungkook was moving inside you with a delirious abandon that paralyzed you, the pleasure spreading to every inch of her body. You were being stretched and fulfilled and spread thin, and your control over your actions was slipping away fast. Jungkook was grabbing your legs, clutching you as his own pleasure grew. You wanted to touch him, too, so you reached for him. However, he wouldn't come to you, so you tightened the hold of your legs.

"Come here," you panted.

"I want to see you." His hoarse voice, also tinged with pleasure, only made you more desperate.

"I want—" The thought was disjointed. What did you want?

More. You just wanted more.

"Please, Y/N."

You couldn't deny him anything, so watch you he did. Sweat covered your body, your face felt hot, and your breasts bounced in time with his thrusts. There was no point in feeling self-conscious around Jungkook. Instead, you felt wanted, desired, needed, and it only made your own lust grow tenfold. He was also a glorious sight, his dark hair in disarray and his muscles flexing with the exertion.

This was too much, not enough, and the tension inside you was both growing and begging for freedom. Your legs fell to the bed, open as wide as you could, allowing you to touch yourself without shame. His hand quickly replaced yours, circling your clit in time with his thrusts. Jungkook was going in deeper now that he could move more freely, hitting that sweet spot within you again, and again, and again, with enough power to make you scream for him.

"You said no screaming...?" he said breathlessly in a teasing tone.

Incoherent sounds were being drawn out of you, and it was hard to answer among them.

"Idiot."

And the cheeky grin he gave you in return was everything. It was all you could do not to come undone then and there, the sensations hitting you one after another too fast to process. You were rushing towards your breaking point, and you could focus on little else beyond it. Your eyes clamped shut. You were all rapture and burning skin and he sensed it, his pace quick, wild, constant, his fingers also working on you without reprieve. All you could do was whimper, grab the bed sheets tight in your fists, and beg for mercy.

"Jungkook..." You were repeating his name, over and over. It was the only thing you knew. It was the only thing you wanted to know. "Jungkook, I'm..."

You screamed. Your body flared up in an orgasm so long-awaited, earth-shattering and mind-numbing that it hurt. Electrifying waves of pleasure took over your body, and you were pulsing, trembling, screaming, out of breath and gratified beyond all reason. Your muscles contracted firmly around him, heightening your pleasure and making him throw his head back in ecstasy.

Jungkook slowed down as you came, but once your body relaxed, he started pounding into you and pinching your clit more fiercely than before. You didn't have time to recover. You were being wound tighter again all at once, as if the coil within you had never subsided. You couldn't do anything other than enjoy the sight and let him do your in, until he pulled out so swiftly that you were thrown over the edge a second time.

He looked at you, his gaze telling tomes of his plans to pleasure you until you pleaded him to stop. You broke the eye contact to look at his cock that was throbbing against your thigh.

"You like what you see?" he smirked, clearly full of himself and the way you gasped at his cock as if it was your first time seeing it. Before you could respond, he kissed you full on the mouth, his tongue slipping through your lips as he did so. You could still taste yourself on his lips, mixed with that taste of him that you could never quite forget since that night he first kissed you.

His lips pressed against your neck the moment his thick cock managed to enter you once again. You gasped, your fingers wrapping around his arms tightly as he nestled himself deep within you, the head kissing the entrance to your womb. Sparks of pleasure ran through your body. Your eyes widened; it just felt like you were thrust into a brave new world, where everything you had ever known ceased to mean what they used to.

He stilled himself for a moment, as if he was allowing you to adjust to the sheer size of him before he went any further. Your eyes fluttered closed as you started to feel like everything you had ever done led up to him, in this moment. Your lips parted in a voiceless moan as you gripped his arms tighter, your fingers sinking into his flesh.

"Oh baby," he whispered in your ear, his voice almost sounding like a moan as he brought his hand to your face to cup your cheek. "Please look at me..."

You opened your eyes, and he gave you that sweet, warm smile as if you had never grown apart. You couldn't help but smile back, finally realising that this was what you were missing out on all this time: a serene, placid love that accepted you for who you are despite your faults, despite everything you've lacked and viceversa.

His hips started moving again, sharp thrusts drawing hushed moans from you as you gripped his shoulders this time, eyes intent to keep their gaze on his. Your hands roamed downwards: down his back, his waist, his hips until you grabbed his tight bum.

You gave him a mischievous smile, and pressed his forehead against yours, laughing a breathy chuckle.

"You're such a naughty girl, baby," he said, his tone coloured with a playful warning as his hands cradled the sides of your face. "We're flipping."

Before you knew it, your back was pressed against his chest. Your limbs were sprawled out under you to support yourself on all fours, however any effort you made to hold yourself up was practically made useless by Jungkook's arm, which wrapped around your waist and pulled you even closer to him as his other arm held you both up.

Jungkook started thrusting again, wilder this time as his cock nudged deeper and deeper against your womb, grinding against spots you never even knew existed. He placed wet kisses all over your shoulders and the crook of your neck, stopping there for a moment as he nuzzled you there.

He stuck his neck out to look at you, hoping to see what you looked like as his cock pushed repeatedly into your depths. With your eyes closed shut as the pleasure overwhelmed you, you couldn't see how captivated he was as he gazed upon your face contorted ecstasy. An errant thrust went deeper than it should have, and you bit down on your lip to stop a loud moan from escaping,

"I wanna hear your pretty little moans again, don't hold back" he whispered in your ear, his deep voice almost sounding like a growling din as he accentuated his last word with a deep thrust back to the depths of your cunt. You couldn't take it anymore; you screamed to the high heavens, and he let out a breathy chuckle, evidently happy with himself and the way he could make you scream.

His fingers found their way around your breast again, toying with your nipple as he suckled on your ear, and you knew that you were going to come undone soon. Your cunt clenched around his cock, and he groaned as his hips jerked harder, faster against you.

"I know you're c-close, baby. I- I'm close too," he moaned, his thrusts speeding up as he became desperate to push you over the edge. "C-cum for me, gorgeous" Jungkook whispered, gripping you even closer to him.

With his last words, you gave in, your cunt spasming wildly around his cock as you threw your head back, another orgasm tearing through you as you screamed his name. The sound of his name coming from your lips pushed him over the edge, his arms holding tightly onto you as his cum spurted deep inside you. He moaned your name, and you felt another surge of pleasure come over you until everything faded to black.

For that instant, time stood still, and nothing was wrong with the world.

You were both sweating, gasping for air, thoroughly satisfied and drunk with pure joy. You were only aware of Jungkook moving away, reaching toward his nightstand's drawer to pull out wet wipes. You couldn't stop thinking how beautiful he is, how lucky you are to be with him here, once again.

This was Jungkook. Your Jungkook. The one you'd been yearning for, and you were never going to let go of again.

"What is it?" he asked curiously, seeing that you were spacing out. You took him in, his hair messy and humid from the sweat, his skin almost shimmering. Being that stunning should be illegal.

"Nothing," you answered truthfully. "I'm just so happy."

"I'm really happy too, baby."

Jungkook offered you a sweet smile and gave you a little peck on the lips, then walked away to throw the wipes in the nearest trash can. This gave you a full view of his perfect body. After what you'd just done, you would've hoped your desires would've gone back to where you kept them locked up - but there they were, alive and present, and if you had to be honest with yourself, you were ready for this new normal.

This new normal was better than the old normal, where you had to endure your pain with your aching heart alone. Everything was easier when Jungkook was next to you. It hadn't escaped you notice that tonight he'd barely let you touch him, at least not as much as he touched you. He'd been focused on you, wanting to make you feel the best that he could... It was a good thing, then, that you knew for a fact there would be a next time.

Jungkook caught you staring again, but you didn't look away. He just stood there for a second, seeming puzzled at your expression, then asked,

"You don't... you don't regret this, do you, noona?"

"Not at all," you answered quickly. "Do you?"

Jungkook came back to you, lying down and wrapping his arms around you. That was all the response he was going to offer, and that was all you needed. You adjusted your position to be able to hold him too and kissed him. He responded in kind, his lips soft and tender. His body against yours was like an oasis in the desert. All you wanted was to live in the sheer bliss of this moment for as long as you could. You were together. That's all that mattered. This way, you could pull through anything.

But the moment was over eventually. Jungkook broke the kiss, touching his forehead against yours, and gave you his boldest grin.

"So... what do you say you give us another chance?"

Your smile was the brightest he ever saw. There wasn't even a need to respond. He already knew your answer was without a doubt 'Yes.'

Something warm pressed itself against your forehead, waking you up. You turned around to find that it was Jungkook, his arm wrapped you as he smiled at you. Everything that had happened rushed back to your half-asleep brain, and you remembered blacking out wrapped in his arms.

"Did you sleep?" you asked him, sitting up as you looked around. In the night, he had clothed your torso with his shirt while he had remained bare chested. Show off.

He shook his head, sitting up with you to fold you up into his arms.

"I couldn't sleep. I was afraid you'd get away from me again," he admitted, looking down to hide his wistful eyes from yours.

Moving quickly, you freed yourself from his arms and straddled his lap, taking him by surprise as you cupped his face and kissed him, the passion of last night resurrecting with a passion.

You broke the kiss and looked at him with compassion. "I'm not going anywhere, Kook."

His smile broke out into a full grin, and his strong arms pulled you down so that your head lay down on his chest again. He held on to you, eyes tearing up with joy as he finally had what he had always sought to have.

"Except..." you uttered, and the grin on on his face turned into parted lips, waiting with a sense of dread for your next words.

"Now that the sun is up, and the storm is over... would you like to go over to Chris' birthday party get-away with me?"

Oh. Right. Chris' birthday is this weekend. Jungkook had already forgotten that Chris had rented a place in Gangneung for you to celebrate with him.

"Yes, yes!" he exclaimed, scrunching his nose with that bunny smile you adore, his heart swelling with relief and joy. "We should go to your place though to pick up your stuff for the weekend."

"Well then, let's get going! Let's re-introduce us to the world, my handsome bunny," you replied, a gentle smile forming on your face as a beautiful future you had once thought of imagining with him began to unfold.

You both scrambled to your feet, as you clothed yourselves and got ready to leave.

He looked at you with so much pride, as if you were the one to be shown to world with rekindled hope. You locked your arm into his as you walked to his car, taking a moment to sink in everything that happened in the last few hours.

You were finally together, as JK had always wanted. He was right; you were meant to be in each other's lives. Giving it much thought, you realized that you still wanted the same things that you used to, except now you wanted his hand in yours each step of the way. Try as you might, you just couldn't escape him. But in his arms, you never felt more free, and you never felt more loved.

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