#work anecdotes

[sleepinglionhearts]

Love my absolutely unhinged stationery customers.

Today we had a lovely man come in about 15 minutes before close asking about fountain pens, my coworker comes to grab me to see if I can help since I know more than she does in this area, and I come out to the front to see the guy has opened a bottle of our ink and is already making a mess.

He asks me for my name and then for a tissue and if I can't please explain what all of these contraptions and pieces of the pens are? And maybe is there something that can get ink off of his hands?

Added to this every time he wants to see something or try something he OPENS THE PACKAGING AND STARTS ACTIVELY USING IT ON A ~$150 PEN HE HAS NOT PURCHASED.

He assures me, "I really want a nice pen, but I want to know how to use it, and figure it out while someone who knows what they're doing can help me. I WILL buy this stuff!"

I bring him a bottle of pen cleaner? Immediately opens it to pour a little on his hands to see if he can get the ink off.

Asks me how to insert and use a converter? Immediately opens the bottle of ink to dip the pen in and suck ink up w the converter.

Cartridge? Has me pop the converter out (ink all over MY hands now lmao) so he can try the cartridge. Oh. Hm. Not a fan of cartridges, he says. No thanks on the cartridges. I will later note "lightly used cartridge x1" on the box so I can let my manager know about it tomorrow.

Tells me he wants another bottle of pen cleaner. Just in case.

He then mentions, after I go fetch the second bottle, that he'd actually like a pen that makes a thicker line? What is this one? Extra Fine? Oh, no, please, maybe medium? There's a medium pen?! PERFECT! He then proceeds to immediately take the converter OUT of the EF pen, tear open the plastic on the brand new M pen, and pop it right in, and draw up more ink.

🥲

One more bottle of pen cleaner, actually.

All 3 of my bottles of pen cleaner are going to this man. I need to order more.

And then... and then, he puts the pen in his shirt pocket, and tells me he's ready to check out.

Buys all the stuff (except the EF pen and the cartridges) and is very excited to use his new high quality fountain pen. He looks ecstatic, honestly. Despite all the chaos and some mess and a pen I'll have to clean tomorrow and my other manager being very confused about this whole incident, he was a pleasant customer. Fantastic energy. Polite. Patient. Listened to my advice.

And then he discovers we have notebooks too! And leaves around 2 minutes before closing, after selecting a perfect notebook. Of course.

What a guy.

[therobotmonster]

Give 'em the Pickle! Sir, this is a call center.

The last job I worked at was a call center job. It was a nightmare, I'm still messed up from being constantly screamed at for ten years, but one thing I remember is the time we got brought in to watch one of those corporate training videos.

It was called "Give 'em the Pickle" or something like that. It took the form of a lengthy rant by the founder of a regional ice cream parlor chain (from a different region, no one had heard of it) about customer service.

The people showing it to us talked about the many thousands of dollars the company spent getting the rights to show this to us, so we should pay attention. Having not gotten a raise in the entire time I was there at that point despite them being promised annually at the time of hiring, my self control in that moment was saintlike.

The main thrust of the video was around an anecdote of a customer that came into the restaurant and wanted a second pickle with their burger. The waitress old them a side of pickles for 75 cents. There was an escalation, and the result from the owner was "just give 'em the pickle!"

Now, first off, it was immediately obvious to me that the waitress was just trying to do their job, and that had they just 'given them the pickle' before the escalation they would have had good reason to expect they'd get a chewing out for it.

After a few more anecdotes applicable only to retail and food service, the overpriced video ended, and we were encouraged to apply this in our on-phone work.

To which my immediate question was "what pickles are we supposed to give them, exactly?"

No phone agent had been empowered to provide any kind of incentive or consolation prizes to the customers. We didn't deal with money, there was no way to issue account credits, there were no products to send extras of, and there was no way to expedite service. In fact, all of our other training was around finding any means possible to deny service at every turn, as it was extended service plan administration.

My job was literally to be a pain-sponge absorbing the rage of customers who didn't read their contracts and were lied to by in-store salespeople and to keep those people from being able to talk to people who had the authority to help them. Only managers could do anything for customers, and if we escalated to a manager too often, you 'weren't doing your job'.

I was never told what pickles I was supposed to be passing out.

[reunitedinterlude]

phil being trolled (1, 2, 3)

[notherpuppet]

Hello dear Mare, how are you? 🙂 I love your art and I would like to know what your secret is to making it look like the original show. I wanted to know how you make the lines and everything, the hands and other similar things 💖

Hello~

Please don't get mad at me but the answer is studying 😭 Drawing is one of those things where "the only way is through" you have to study a lot. the more you draw and the more you study, the better results you'll get (it's not easy but it's really fulfilling, especially when you can see your growth. at least that's been my experience) 🪴💗 have fun!!

Edit: there was a follow up question for “study what” and sorry if it wasn’t clear but you gotta study the show. The frames/screencaps, at least if you want to replicate the style. Outside of that, figure drawing and studying other foundational drawing skills

[daeluin]

ok i need someone to be insane with me bc it's been a full weekend since that interview and i still can't get over patrick absolutely seething at the idea of someone else coming up with music for pete's words

[iinryer]

i keep thinking about chris’s “i tried complaining once, it didn’t work” line and also how he’s super witty and funny and perceptive and also A Teenager and how that all would influence the way he navigates a world that isn’t always accessible to him…

just imagining post-ladder-truck-crush-injury buck and chris both using crutches while buck is still getting used to things suddenly being inaccessible to him and getting like, little zingers of insights and life lessons from his best friend’s kid while out and about. chris showing him how he gets up and down the tall curbs when a sidewalk is blocked off unexpectedly, and very loudly and often proclaiming his distain for the “fuck-you” steps (the 1-2 tiny steps at the front doors of houses and buildings that immediately make that entrance no longer accessible)

like buck researches a couple of easy activities for them to try while he’s is still healing and tired and is looking into the establishment’s accessibility accommodations, and hey! the place says on the website that they’re wheelchair friendly! that usually covers his and chris’s bases, so they should be good to go. but when they get there it turns out that, while there IS an accessible entrance with a “ramp”, it’s actually the cargo loading zone that’s literally on the other side of the building which would require them to walk a couple of extra blocks up and back down the street on the other side. obviously they can still get in, but buck feels awful because that’s not what he wanted out of his preparedness. chris just tells him “it’s okay, it happens a lot actually”, and buck is even MORE sad about it, but chris just conspiratorially adds “this is my favorite kind” and starts making his way towards the set of like, idk eight stairs at the front of this building. buck is obviously confused and looks at eddie who just shakes his head fondly, sighs and says “yeah, he does this sometimes” before encouraging buck to follow. when buck finally reaches chris, he’s balancing his crutches on the first stair and turns to buck to whisper “now we get to make them feel bad about it” and proceeds to very feebly, very slowly—and buck has seen chris rough and tumble and rocket his way through things that could (and do) trip him up, this is the most dramatic act of put-upon helplessness buck has EVER seen from this kid—make his way up the stairs. he even sticks his bottom lip out into a little pout for good measure. one of the staff sees them through the glass doors and comes out to tell them about the “ramp” in the back of the building, and before buck can even think of what to say in response, chris is just telling them, very sadly, that he “wouldn’t be able to walk that far without getting too tired 😔😔😔” and continues his hammed-up, sad, slow trek up the stairs while a very harried staff member kind of hovers, not knowing what to do.

buck has to bite his cheek to keep himself from laughing at chris’ act, and then again at the face the staff member makes when they catch sight of buck too, as he begins very dutifully following chris’s lead, eddie in their wake.

[aliusfrater]

jared: my brother's a friggin'... surgeon, college athlete... i wasn't gonna try and fill those shoes! [with an accent] so i went to the theatre! um... which is a lotta fun in texas, to tell your dad, um- as your- as your brother's playing college sports, doing pre-med and engineering at the same time but you say, "dad, i'm quitting sports. i wanna be an actor." uh- that g- that goes about as well as you'd imagine. um- uh- just kidding. i'm very happy everything happened, but i feel like uh...

[strryhaze]

Kennedy could be sensitive while others were unfeeling.

Actress Judy Garland—Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz—came to Hickory Hill when her career was waning. She looked unwell and seemed to be a little lost, sadly standing off to one side. No one seemed to speak to her, or even notice her, until Kennedy took her in his arms and began to dance. The past-her-prime actress and the shy dancing-class dropout performed a gentle soft shoe together. Garland lit up, touched by Kennedy’s kindness.

— robert kennedy: his life, evan thomas .

[webgottism]

if mota had nothing else it had that yaoi. a cohesive plot? no no noooooo. more than 4 characters that you actually feel like you know something about them? not a chance. but a ‘marge 🙄’ from bucky? an ‘i’ll be your best man so i can stand close enough to pretend its me on your wedding day’? of course. and for that i respect it a little more

[tswwwit]

Here's a stupid meet-the-sibling thing from Portal AU!

Dipper checks his watch for the third time in two minutes, foot tapping nervously against the pavement. Mabel’s usually one to run late, but not this late. 

Twenty minutes have passed since they were supposed to meet up at this coffee shop, and between the fact that his twin’s always eager to see him, and the odd magical blips on his radar in the last hour, he’s starting to wonder if she’s gotten herself in trouble. Again. 

Driven by worry, he checks his phone again - the regular one. No texts, no missed calls. A second check shows nothing on his other phone either, which is arguably just as worrying but for different reasons.

Dipper slumps back in his seat, rubbing at his eyes. 

Great. Exactly what he needed. As if this whole conversation wasn’t going to be weird enough, now he’s got more to stress about. A sister in trouble, maybe, and a magical incident, probably. Not to mention who would obviously get involved with one of those, just to add the cherry on top of a messed up situation.

He’s just about decided to get up and start investigating when he hears the shout.

“Dipper!” 

Jerking up from his seat, Dipper turns towards his sister’s voice. 

Mabel runs down the sidewalk, arms raised and waving wildly, sending her bracelets banging against each other as her earrings bounce along with her steps. She doesn’t slow down as she approaches, instead throwing herself forward until Dipper has to catch her hug with an ‘oof’ of effort. 

He hugs her back in response and gets squeezed so hard it nearly takes the breath out of him, including a brief moment where he’s worried that her earrings will catch on his clothes. 

After a moment he pushes her back, smiling. How long has it been since he’s seen her in person? Four months? Five? From the occasional phone call he knew she was doing well, but it’s good to see her looking so happy in person.

“It’s good to see you.” He gives her a big pat on the back, and gets a ‘bwomp bwomp’ in return. 

“You too, bro-bro.” Mabel steps away, then blinks in surprise. “You look great! Is that a new look?” She gives him a once over, then beams, patting her cheeks. “Oh my gosh, that’s perfect timing!”

“Well, I-” Dipper plucks at his shirt - it’s not that different from his usual, just better fitted. 

So, he may or may not have gotten a lecture on fashion. A very long one. Followed by several insistent recommendations about his outfits, including having a literal pile of clothes dumped on him out of nowhere. He didn’t think it made that big a difference. But maybe it does?

“Okay, okay, I know you had something important you wanted to talk about, but listen.” Mabel rushes to speak, bubbling over with enthusiasm. Dipper lets her take his hands and clasp them tight as she bounces in place. “I just met. The hottest guy.”

“Ugh,” Dipper groans, shoulders slumping. Not another shitty crush. He thought she was over those by now. Still, if it puts his own thing off… “What kind of jerk is it this time?”

“Okay, one? Not a jerk! And two: He’s not for me, you dork!” 

“Wait, what?” Dipper holds her at arm’s length, staring. 

“So like I said,” Mabel continues, giving him a Look. “I met this guy, and we got to talking, and he’s, like, super fun - but clearly into dudes. So I sorta mentioned a certain brother, and guess what! He likes magic, and monsters, and he even says he has a thing for nerds!” She lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “It’s perfect. You’ll love him.” 

With another groan, Dipper drags a palm down his face. 

Damn it. He knows that she worries about him finding someone since he’s always on the move. Between trying to keep up with the jobs, and tracking monsters, and everything else in his life, he rarely has time for a break. Mabel playing matchmaker isn’t new. Only her choice of candidate, which sounds strangely.. On point?

Hell, a while ago - less than two months, at that - he might have welcomed an intro to this guy, whoever it is. It wasn’t like he was meeting a lot of people himself. 

But oh god. The timing.

“Look, I’m glad you thought of me, but-” Dipper starts, holding up his hands in defense.

“Oh no. Nope! No more of this ‘too busy’, or ‘probably not my type’ stuf. I vetted him Dipper,” Mabel insists, lower lip pouting out - oh god, the puppy eyes, he has to turn away -  “You’re on the road all the time and all alone all the time. So if you aren’t gonna try and meet someone, I gotta have your back.”

Dipper tilts his head back, shuts his eyes, and prays deep down for strength. 

He didn’t want to open with this information. It’s a pretty long story, one with a lot of twists and turns, even some bits that she’s going to feel very ‘I knew it!!’ about. But a little sisterly smugness is way, way better than getting dragged into a date with some guy. 

Even if Dipper turns it down first thing, it could end… Pretty badly. 

He opens his mouth to say so, and gets interrupted by hands clapping on his face, forcing him to meet her eyes.

“Oh my god, don’t look now.” She whispers, turning him back to look at her when his head instinctively swivels. “But he’s right here. I didn’t think he’d show up this soon!”

“Why shouldn’t I look at the guy you’re trying to hook me up with.” He says, flat. It comes out a bit garbled from the pressure on his cheeks.

“Because you’ll freak out thinking he’s out of your league! And he’s not!” Mabel insists, shaking him urgently. “Just be cool for once, okay?”

Dipper has never, ever been cool for a single instant in his life. He doesn’t know why his twin thinks he’s even capable of it. Add on the multiple reasons he can’t exactly flirt with some random dude that Mabel met on the street, and it’s a recipe for infinite awkwardness. 

Before he can explain why this is a bad idea, on so many levels, Mabel straightens up. 

“Hey, glad you made it” She beams at a point over Dipper’s shoulder. “Let me introduce you to-”

A cheerful laugh interrupts her, high and bright. It lingers longer than it should, seconds past the point where it’d be appropriate - then two firm hands clap onto Dipper’s shoulders, squeezing tight. 

“Well, well, well, well, well!” The voice behind him oozes smug pleasure. The grip on his shoulders tightens briefly, then slides down to his biceps in a slow, appreciative stroke. “So this is the famous Dipper Pines, huh?”

The voice, the touch. The smug, amused tone of someone pulling off an amazing joke that nobody’s caught onto yet-

Yeah, that all tracks. 

Dipper doesn’t resist when the man whips him around, frowning up into the beaming face of Bill goddamn Cipher. 

“Boy, you weren’t kidding! He is cute!” Bill exclaims, expression perfectly surprised and delighted. Like he’s never seen this face before in his life. He turns towards Mabel. “And you say this guy’s single?”

“Yep!” She gives a big double-thumbs up. Another person might mistake the way her eye’s moving as a twitch, but it’s just a million winks at Dipper, packed into too small a space. 

Bill lets out a low whistle. “Dang, that’s a shame.” The grins creeps up another fraction. “A smart guy woulda snagged him up the moment they saw him in person!”

Dipper lets out a strangled sound from his throat. Despite the… everything, his face feels hot, turning pink with embarrassment.

He glares at this smug, double-talking jackass. Bill beams back at him with unashamed delight.

From the side, Mabel hisses in annoyance at his reaction. She gestures towards Bill insistently, waving over his body, his arms. She points at his face twice, eyes wide like Dipper hasn’t seen it yet.

But there’s no point in her pointing. Dipper’s well acquainted with every part of his boyfriend. 

Including his tendency to not mention important facts.

So there’s the reason she was late. The reasons for the magic pulses - of course his stupid demon wouldn’t give him any heads up that he was already planetside. And the reason why the guy she met was oh-so-conveniently into nerds, especially ones related to Mabel friggin’ Pines. 

Why did Dipper think mentioning his family was a good idea? It’s only given Bill more chances for chaos. 

Or in this case, a really stupid prank.

“Now let’s see,” Bill says, more contemplative now. His eye roves over Dipper, head to toe. “What else you got going, kid?”

But. Okay, the attention’s nice. It’s never not been nice, even when it’s been creepy and strange and inhuman. 

Maybe playing along a little couldn’t hurt?

“I-” Dipper starts rubbing the back of his neck. If he looks his boyfriend in the eye while lying like a rug, he’ll never pull this off. “Well, I-”

“Oh! Like I said, he’s really into magic. Like you!” Mabel interrupts, bouncing in place. Her voice lowers, as if sharing a secret. “He does freelance work, y’know?”

“Is that so!” Bill’s mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ of surprise. Dipper half expects him to clap a hand to his cheek in astonishment. “Why, I never! A monster hunter? Right in front of me?”

“You betcha!” Proudly, Mabel sets fists on her hips. All too eager to hype man her brother before he’s said anything himself. “On the track of a dangerous criminal and everything!”

“Wow!” Bill, looking suitably impressed, somehow avoids having his pants set aflame from the sheer force of lying. “I bet he’s a nasty customer, too! A real devilish fellow!”

God, the puns hurt. Dipper can’t help but make a face, which gets another disappointed look from his sister, and a sinister gleam starts building up in Bill’s eye - 

Alright, that’s enough. 

Lying to Mabel would have been bad enough - but between their discussion and Dipper not getting a word in, Bill’s getting so full of himself that he might just explode. And that needs nipping in the bud, immediately.

Dipper shoves Bill back a pace, brushing off his shirt. He gives this asshole the full narrow-eyed glare and, ignoring the aghast look from his sister, flips his asshole boyfriend off. 

“Hey!” Affronted, Mabel takes a step in, taking his arm. “What the heck, Dipper?”

“Mabel, listen,” Dipper starts, only to get shushed by his sister and turned to face Bill by said asshole.

“And you’re feisty as well? Jackpot!” Bill beams, taking his head in his hands. “Now, let’s see about the rest of ya.”

Before Dipper can guess what that means  - or even ask - Bill tugs his shirt up. The only reason it doesn’t come completely off is because Dipper recognizes the motion and jerks his arms down in time. 

“Hey!” He struggles with Bill’s grip on his shirt, planting a palm on Bill’s face as he leans in for closer inspection. “What the hell, man?”

“Yep, that’s a fighter alright! Real nice view!” Bill says, after lingering too long ogling unwillingly exposed flesh. He lets the shirt drop - Dipper spends a second straightening it out - only to grab onto his butt next in a full-palm fondle. “Aha! Now that’s where it’s at!”

It’s so like Bill to start flinging compliments while completely breaking every polite convention known to man. He can never do anything straightforward. Possibly he’s allergic. With a swear, Dipper grapples with his jackass boyfriend again, trying to retain some semblance of dignity. 

Mabel stands off to the side, mouth agape. Silently staring between the two of them, too stunned to react. 

Clearly she wasn’t expecting this kind of crap. And honestly? Dipper can’t blame her. Bill’s pretty good at covering his asshole tendencies when he wants. 

Dipper can handle it, though. He’s already halfway pried the groping grasp off his butt when Bill’s other hand rotates to the front, taking hold with alarming swiftness. The high-pitched yelp he lets out is, thankfully, only from surprise.

“Hey!” And that gesture must have finally shaken Mabel from her shock, because now she looks offended. “Bill! What are you doing?”

“Cute, smart, decent body - he’s just like you said! The whole package!” Bill gives his handful a friendly jiggle, looking thrilled to have found a part to grab where he can’t get smacked away lest there be collateral damage. He turns towards Mabel with a grin. “How’s twenty bucks sound?”

The alarmed “What the hell!” from her comes out at the same time as Dipper’s offended, “Only twenty?”

“Oh, no no no,” Mabel waves her hands rapidly, the sleeves of her sweater nearly covering them in the rush.  “He’s not for sale, what the heck!”

“Oh, of course!” Bill releases Dipper’s crotch to smack himself dramatically on the forehead, shaking his head. “Because he’s his own person! With his own life decisions and everything!” His expression turns serious, nodding as if he actually cared about that fact. “No problem, Shooting Star! I’ll just kidnap him instead.”

A sudden swipe behind Dipper’s knees sends him into a swearing fall. One that’s quickly interrupted as he’s scooped up into Bill’s arms, startled and staring into an excited smile. 

Bill gives Mabel a perfunctory half-bow, bounces Dipper in his arms once - then starts sprinting down the street. 

To Mabel’s credit, there’s only a half-second pause before she follows.

“Help! Brother-napping in progress! Stop, you creep!” Mabel shouts, almost louder than Bill can manage. With some effort, Dipper peeks over his shoulder to see a flail of color trailing behind after them, one sweater-clad arm shaking in fury. “You better let him go, or you’ll regret this!”

Bill cackles louder, chest shaking - and one thing about being a demon is that he can really book it when he needs to. 

Dipper finds himself clinging to his ‘kidnapper’ tight, just to feel more comfortable about not being dropped. Not that he needs to worry about that. Even sprinting full-out and laughing, Bill’s not even breathing hard as he flees the wrath of righteousness. 

Dipper thunks his head against his awful, stupid boyfriend’s shoulder, and rolls his eyes. 

Welp. He’s not sure what else he expected. 

Bill’s always going to be Bill, after all. An evil, bored, antagonising force, bent on finding the funniest thing to do and jerking people around by it at every turn. And a vengeful, chaotic asshole. 

It’s hardly surprising that he and he took offense at someone arranging dates with his boyfriend. Whether or not Mabel knew their situation doesn’t matter in his view. It’s the principle of the thing - and, of course, a chance to be a total dick. 

But all things considered, it’s hardly the worst case scenario. 

Bill could have laid on the charm, gaslighting her into thinking he was a different kind of guy. Something that would make their introduction easier - and have her totally ignoring Dipper’s warnings about what kind of guy he is. 

But freaking her out was too funny, and that showed his true colors. And thank fuck for that. The last thing Dipper needs is another handsome guy charming her into a series of Bad Ideas.

As they round a street corner, Dipper uses the momentum to kick a leg free, planting heel against pavement. Bill slows as he tries to both stop him from falling and continue dragging him along. 

“Aw, c’mon,” Bill chides, making a valiant attempt to pick Dipper up again. “Let’s ditch the sibling and get moving! As far as she knows, I’m gonna do all kinds of dastardly things to ya. Terrible ones!” His eye glimmers, briefly unfocused - and Dipper takes the moment of distraction to get both feet on the ground. “Aww, hey!”

“Not a chance.” Dipper says, less annoyed than he’d like. He dodges another grab by stepping neatly to the side. “You’ve had your fun. Now at least try to behave for like, five seconds.”

One look at Bill’s face says that he’s not done with the fun, or at least thoroughly annoyed at its interruption - which means Dipper has to sweeten the pot. 

“I’m sure she’s panicking as we speak,” He adds, rolling his eyes at Bill’s look of pride. “And it was kinda funny. But at least try to good impression, jackass.” Resting a palm on Bill’s arm, he offers a shy smile. “Please?”

“Hmmm.” Bill hums thoughtfully. A second later, he shrugs. “Eh, sure! Probably wasn’t gonna get much mileage outta dragging it out anyway.”

Yep. Another win for Dipper Pines. He’s getting good at this demon-wrangling stuff. 

“Hey!” Mabel rounds the corner, steps clearly flagging. She leans against he building, then glares at Bill. “You can’t just-” 

Then she leans over, bracing herself on her knees as she tries to catch her breath. Dipper’s surprised she caught up this fast, but it wasn’t without effort - he thinks one of her bracelets is missing, and her hair is a mess. 

Dipper offers her a hand, but she waves it off. There’s a thoughtful sound behind him, then arms circle his waist and drag him back into Bill’s grasp. 

“So. I see you’ve met Bill.” Dipper says, finally. He glares a bit over his shoulder as Billtugs him closer to settle in, chin tucked on his shoulder. Probably wearing the very smuggest smile he owns.

“Dipper, I’m sorry,” Mabel blurts. She’s still catching her breath, face red as she flails her sleeves in inarticulate protest. “I didn’t know-”

“That he was an asshole? A jerk? A totally weird creep?” Dipper holds up his hands before she can apologize again. “No, it’s fine. I already knew that. He’s… actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

She pauses, taking in their position. How Dipper’s not struggling, or swearing, or hexing the shit out of his ‘kidnapper’. The worried frown turns more… contemplative. The lightbulb flickers. 

Dipper takes a steadying breath. 

Here goes.

“Mabel, this is… Bill Cipher.” He gestures at Bill, then shoves his head away from his neck before he can leave a hickey. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Mabel boggles at him. There’s no other word for it. Eyes wide, mind clearly racing as she ties in what just happened with how Bill looks and what she thought everything was like just five minutes ago. 

She takes a second, before finally landing on, “What?”

Yeah, that’s a reasonable reaction. 

But if they got along earlier, they’ll… probably get along okay, right? Now that Bill’s got the initial bullshit out of his system, they might even have stuff in common. 

Thank hell for that. Romance is kind of her thing, of course she’s interested. Good thing too. Compared to the rest of his family, Mabel is easy mode. 

Only a second later she claps her hands to her cheeks, gasping hugely. Dipper can almost see the questions about to burst out.

“Let’s go back, get some coffee, and I’ll tell you everything.” Dipper smiles, but speaks before she can start interrogating them on the street. He shrugs Bill off, getting his hand seized in the process. He squeezes it back.  “Trust me, it’s a long story.”

[peachdoxie]

Personally I like to ignore the fact that Danny has ice powers. That child is already too damn OP even before that.

[badhabitnun]

i think it’s fine if dnp clickbait us with “dan and phil are scissoring” or “date night in the life of phan” or whatever but i absolutely take offense in using the sacred names of VOLTRON and TUMBLR and FREDDY FAZBEAR and deliver absolutely none of that. come on guys

[whetstonefires]

okay so for the proposed very funny 'secretly half vulcan spock' modern coffeeshop AU scenario sparked by that concretes post, the only reasonable way i can see to set this up (without messing up vulcan culture in ways that would annoy me) is if Sarek crash-landed in Canada--probably alone in an escape pod, although if we want to make him the only survivor of a larger vessel coming down who evaded the government that could work too.

anyway Sarek doesn't have a sciences background to the extent Spock does, so i feel that finding himself in a 'stone knives and bearskins' scenario would be a bigger problem for him, and he'd have a great deal more trouble working around issues like 'i need some platinum to make this machine work' and his partner is like 'lol well i got bread.'

so he's stuck in canada trying to signal Vulcan for surreptitious rescue, and in the meantime he falls in with Amanda Grayson and they get him a fake identity and fulfill some cliches. and to their surprise they're reproductively viable, hello Spock.

so this fic is set like 20 years later and Spock is in college. i want to say in iowa because that's the natural habitat of jim kirk but spock is too much of a goddamn snob to go to school in iowa, they have no Notable Institutions, sorry iowa.

maybe he's got an associate professorship at the University of Iowa; academic job market sucks. Or maybe Jim left Iowa as soon as possible, being how he is, and they're in Big City.

the older they are the more you can stick them anywhere on earth for this. the younger they are, the more easily you can justify spock picking up a part-time job at the coffee shop. depends on where you want to go with the story.

anyway Jim runs (owner? manager?) the Not Starbucks indie coffee shop where Spock goes all the time (to get Not Coffee) and Spock being secretly half alien doesn't come up for ten chapters, except for how he comes across as spectacularly autistic and never takes off his stupid headband that covers his ears and eyebrows even when it's 102F.

[dreamingpartone]

btw I have to share with you guys. yesterday someone I work with told me his daughter was in the supernatural finale and I had to stand there and acknowledge that information like a normal person and not someone who has been on tumblr dot com the supernatural website for fourteen long years

[eela]

big fan of the bubbles!

[wrishwrosh]

so uhhh have you guys read this. i think you guys should read this