#wonderful fic but i felt like i was going stir crazy with everything that was happening inside my brain

[ao3screenshotss]

sometimes commenting feels like watching the outro of an anime i need to do it to get my feelings in order and let them all out and process everything that happened before i feel emotionally stable enough to bookmark it

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐬 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐉𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 ♡

【Synopsis】 : Your boyfriend just wanted to give you an early Christmas present.

『Word count』 : 5.3k

-> Genre: Pure smut with little plot, hehe.

Pairing: Boyfriend!San x Reader [SeongJoong x Reader]

[Warnings] : Reader is insecure. Foursome. Powerplay. Pet names [Angel, Bunny, Baby, Sweet Thing.] Light Choking. Kissing, Neck kisses. Body worship. Anxious thoughts. Some self-doubt, but the boys take lots of care of the reader. Possessive San. Voyeur San. Seonghwa likes to call reader whore but in a sweet way. Spanking. Dom!SeongSanJoong. Unprotected sex. Very subby Reader. Subspace. Dry humping. Oral. Use of the word slut. Daddy kink. MxM. San is secretly a switch/bottom. Creampie. Multiple orgasms. Squirting. Brat taming. Sharing is caring. Dirty talk. Deep throating. I was drunk when I wrote half of this, so bare with me...

Note: Hi, Hi! Ahh, this fic is finally done. Hehe. I spent early hours in the morning, and one night after, i drank way too much vodka heh. So if there is anything weird. Uhh, blame drunk me. Also! This is most likely the last fic I'll be posting for 2023. So that's crazy. I'll still be around but I'm going to a wedding, so I won't be near my computer. Ahhh

Also, thank you so much to the wonderful @fandems for helping make this masterpiece come to life. I hope you enjoy the read, darling. ♡♡

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“Okay, okay. I’ll be there soon.” You hummed hearing your boyfriend whine about how much he misses you and how he wanted to see you try on the hoodie in person. He and the others were currently staying at some hotel just outside Seoul for a shoot they were doing, and his mom had brought hoods she made with each of their names on it. Of course, she made one for you as well. Saying it was not up for debate even though you tried to decline, saying it was just ‘for the boys’.

“Please hurry. I miss you so much.” His blunt whimpers caused a stir in your tummy when you first heard them. You had to stop yourself from complaining about how he was making you wet from his voice alone. So, instead, you thought it would be cute to dress up a bit. Wear something a little more revealing. A nice crop top and shorts. Yes, that was a nice idea. Of course, since it was cold out and you weren't about to walk around Seoul in next to nothing anyways, so, you covered yourself with a large overcoat that draped all the way for to your knees. It was an early Christmas gift from Hongjoong. Which made your heart flutter when he gave it to you. You didn’t expect a gift from any of the members, really. But when Hongjoong brought you the gift while you were cuddling with San on the couch in the studio, you couldn’t help but blush. Or another time when he and Seonghwa brought you food when you were sick when they dropped off San at your apartment. Or when it was just the four of you chilling out at your place while watching a random film.

Everything just felt right.

You tried to hide your feelings towards the other two men, but it was growing harder after each interaction. They were so kind to you. They cared for you. And it made you feel like you were on cloud nine when they were around. San has made jokes in the past about you having a crush on his members, but you always brushed it off so he wouldn't feel bad. You love San, you really do. He was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. But there was just something about Hongjoong and Seonghwa that you just couldn’t shake.

“Okay, I’m out the front. I’m gonna hang up now,” you said goodbye quickly before heading for the entrance of the hotel. San had already mentioned to the front desk clerk that you would show up, so they had a key waiting for you and everything. Standing in the elevator, you suddenly felt your nerves tingle. What if he just wanted to cuddle for a bit, give you the gift, and then kick you out. Or worse.. what if San wasn’t in the mood for some dirty antics?

Who are you kidding, he’s always in the mood.

But that still didn’t calm your shaky hands as you reached for the door handle while you scanned the key card against the lock. The room was silent.. the smell of musk caught your attention, making it known San had recently showered using the new body wash you had bought him. “H-Hello.”

You walked inside, locking the door behind you. Slipping off your shoes, you also placed your coat on the rack next to the entrance. Feeling the warmth of the hotel heating creep up on you. You walked slowly further into the little apartment. The only light was the ones from the city below and a side light next to a bed. Strange? “S-Sannie? Are you here…”

“Hello, angel.” A deep chuckle caught you off guard as a pair of hands gripped your waist suddenly. The light gasps that left your lips made the unknown male sigh in satisfaction, nuzzling his nose into your neck. You know his cologne. This voice. That chuckle.

“J-Joong?” You were shaking, but not out of fear but excitement. You felt like you had walked straight into a dream. A different reality even. You had to kick yourself for falling so quickly for the man who wasn’t your lover. Your eyes snapped open, and a breath was hitched. What were you doing?! you couldn’t do this. Not when you were with San. “Wait. Hongjoong.” You tried to pull out of Joong’s tight grasp, your voice sounding more stern and clear. 

“awe, come on, Angel. I’m only playing.” He let you go suddenly, letting the tension of your hips push you forward, tripping, until you slammed into something broad. A tall, warm body. Your hands gripped the man's shoulders while he pulled you flushed against his chest by your waist.

“S-San…” You whimper, feeling guilt cloud your judgment. Hot breath tickled your ear lobe before a deep voice sent shivers down your spine;

“Guess again, Bunny.” Your body completely tenses up hearing Seonghwa’s sombre smooth voice. The same voice he uses when he makes the calming ASMR videos. God, you could fall asleep peacefully to this man just simply talking. Or humming. Wait, no, stop.

“W-Where’s San. He needs to give m-me─A personalized hoodie.” Your words get cut off by none other than your lover, San. His ravenous chuckle made your mouth water. What were these three trying to do to you? Send you into an early grave. “I thought we could have a little fun before I give you the gift.”

You can hear lusts dripping from his voice. But yet you still couldn’t see anything. Your eyes have not adjusted to the dark room, but San was clearly behind you while your face and body were still firmly against Seonghwa’s chest. “We want the city to see just how good you can be.” Seonghwa sounded more dominant than San. His alluring aura made you want to stink to your knees and do whatever he wished. You were trembling against him, which he no doubtfully felt. And without a word being spoken. He let you go, leaving you standing, alone, in the dark. You were about to protest when all of a sudden you felt familiar arms snake around you, pulling you flush against him. San nuzzled his face in your neck, giving you some light kisses, trying his best to calm your nerves. 

In truth, San, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong had many conversations about you. One more dirtier than the last. It first started with San gloating about how you were so good for him. How you would walk around in nothing but his hoodies and how he always got a nice look at your plump ass. Another time, he brought up the fact that you were an excellent dick sucker. He swore he could nut just from your mouth alone. This, of course, made the other men jealous. How dare San have you all to himself when they all know very well the way you look at them. The way your thighs clench whenever Hwa or Joong would accidentally touch you. You were just as needy as they were. “You gonna be a good girl, baby?”

San’s lips latched onto your neck, sucking a harsh purple mark. You still couldn’t see your surroundings, but you could feel, other than San's hands that were still on your waist, another pair of hands gripped a hand full of your plump thighs. You felt a whimper brew in your throat as San’s hands snaked up towards your chest, letting his fingertips graze just under your breasts. The unknown male's set of hands that were still perched on your thighs slowly moved upwards until they were tugging your legs apart, slowly tugging your shorts off. The dark chuckle from below made you realize the man who was holding your legs was crouched in front of you. With his head so close to where you need care the most. “S-Sann..”

“Uh, Uh. Answer the question, baby. Are you going to be a good girl for all three of us?” His hot breath tickled your earlobe, making your mind spin. Your hand reached down, finding a soft head of fluffy locks, your fingers tangling in them, pulling him closer to your heated core. Your other hand grasps San’s shoulder, pushing him towards your neck once more. 

“Please, sir.” You whined loudly, earning a groan from all three men, making you realize the last male was also standing behind you. San mutters something you didn’t bother listening to as suddenly felt a set of teeth bite down on your inner thigh, making you gasp in a high pitch. “Oh my god!”

The man between your legs snickered, pulling your panties to the side so he could press his nose against your soaked cunt. “That’s right bunny. I’m your god.” Seonghwa’s voice was so deep, filling with lust at each breath. You had to moan from his words, knowing full well how much of a god complex Seonghwa had. Your fingers tugged tighter on his hair, earning a low growl from that man. You were about to say something but your voice got caught in your throat as San’s hand wrapped perfectly around your neck, squeezing tight enough that it got your head spinning.

“Last time I checked, you weren’t a god Seonghwa.” San’s cheeky mumble caused the man between your legs to huff, rolling his eyes as he went back to licking a strip along your fold. His fingers play with your entrance, pushing his tongue against your sensitive clit making you gasp out yet again, ‘Oh my god’, which made Seonghwa chuckle lowly.

“She says differently there, Sannie.” The vibration of Seonghwa’s voice made you clench around his lone finger. San’s hand got tighter around your neck, pulling you backwards so you were bent in a weird position, looking at San with a shocked expression. 

“Baby. Don’t start being a brat. I’m your sir, and this is Hwa and Joong. Go it!” He spat out, annoyance lacing on his tongue. Your hazy eyes looked up at him with sorrow. You pouted slightly, knowing exactly how to play San’s games.

“I’m sorry, sir. Please forgive me.” You whimpered trying to keep your eyes open but it was becoming increasingly harder as you feel Seonghwa add another finger into your wet pussy. San just scoffed before telling Seonghwa to move. You cried from the loss of contact but since Hwa is such a people pleaser, he slowly kissed up your body, collar and neck before whispering in your ear;

“Don’t worry my obedient little whore. I’ll treat you soon enough.” San didn’t respond this time, just scoffing before letting you go. Your knees buckled trying to keep yourself upright. But a new pair of hands grabbed you, letting you lean against a hard chest. 

“Hey there, angel, ready for some fun?” Hongjoong’s voice was higher pitched than the others, but it still held the same authority if not more. You nodded with a quick ‘yes’ letting the male chuckle at how obedient you are. San had turned on the bedside lamps, letting the dim orange hue shine through the room, letting you see the three men for the first time tonight. Seonghwa’s hair was a mess from your fingers, lips glistening from your slick. God, as if he couldn’t get any more hot, there he was in all his egotistical glory. 

“Baby. Stand you for us. And take off your shirt.” San said, nonchalantly, while downing a glass of liquor from the dry bar in the corner of the hotel room. You gulp slowly, taking off your shirt, leaving you in your bra. You became all too aware that you were only in your underwear in front of three very powerful men. You weren’t the thinnest either, so your insecurities started being placed on full alert. Seonghwa seemed to notice first, moving so he was flushed against you, chest to chest. he gave you the warmest smile before dipping his head in closer. His nose was grazing against yours, his lips almost close enough to touch. You had no idea if you were allowed to kiss him or Hongjoong, but given his face was between your legs only minutes ago, what harm would it entail?

Seonghwa gave you a surprised groan as he felt your plump lips. His tongue slipped effortlessly into your mouth like it was made to do just that. You could taste yourself on him, which caused a whimper to escape. His hands gripped your bare hips tightly, holding you so close that you could feel his bulge against your thigh. San was watching the situation unfold in front of him, biting his bottom lip at just how submissive you can quickly become around the three of them. How almost normal it felt. San gave a little whistle for Hongjoong to join in, while he took a seat on a large seat that sits by the window, gifting him the perfect view of the show you were so eagerly putting on. 

“Play nice with her. Or I’ll never let you touch her again.” San’s voice was stern and controlling. But man, did it make you shiver. You knew if you wanted to be rough or slow you would use your safe word or the traffic light system and you were also damn sure that San drilled it into the other two’s heads before this little ordeal. So you knew you were in a completely safe environment, and this was all for the thrill. 

“You hear that, Bunny. Sannie thinks we can’t play nice.” Seonghwa mumbles against your lips before moving down to kiss your cheek, jaw, and neck.

“He thinks we’re gonna get too rough with you.” Hongjoong grabs a fist full of your breasts squeezing tightly, drawing out a choked moan from you. His lips grazed your ear before biting softly on your ear lobe. Your nerves felt like they were on fire with the way these two tag teamed you. Like they had practised many times for this moment. “But you like it rough don’t you, angel?”

“Yeah, you like it when you're manhandled. Thrown around like a pleasure whore. Hmm?” Seonghwa nipped at your collarbone causing a yelp to escape you. The two of them just chuckled, knowing exactly how to tease you from hearing detail after detail of San explaining how much of a subby little fuck toy you are for him. 

"Please, Da-Hongjoong... touch me." You whimpered, almost calling him something other than his name. Even though San said not to call them anything other than what he gave you. Yet you had the biggest urge to disobey.

"But am I touching you, angel?" Hongjoong knew what he was doing. He needed you to break, spill all your dirty secrets out before he touched you. But Seonghwa, on the other hand, all he wanted to do was make you squirm until overdrive. His hands gripping at any part of exposed flesh, his hot tongue licking along your neck, while he suckles yet another red and purple mark. You were most certain that you had leaked through your panties and down your leg by now. Your brain clouded, and all judgement slipped slowly into your subspace as two pairs of lips find the most sensitive spots on your neck and collarbone.

“F-Fuckk.” You swore, tilting your head back against Hongjoong’s shoulder. Seonghwa’s hand dipped into the top of your panties siding his fingers down through your soaking cunt. Hongjoong on the other hand, tugged on your bra until your breasts spilled out the top of it. His fingers pinched your peaked nipples while Seonghwa start to slowly fuck two fingers in you, stretching you out nicely. Both men didn’t stop their assault on your neck, littering your skin with bright marks and bites. You hazily hummed, opening your eyes to see San sitting with his lips parted and his hand palming his crotch. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Such a potty mouth, Bunny.” Seonghwa laughed pushing a third finger inside you while his palm rests on your clit perfectly. “I wonder what other filthy things you can say sweet things.”

“Oh, she can say many filthy things.” San’s voice made you jump, not realizing you had your eyes closed and San had moved to stand next to you, completely trapping you in the middle of all three of them. “You just gotta know what buttons to press.” 

San gripped Seonghwa’s wrist, tugging it out of your cunt making you yelp. His hands grabbed your hips before literally ripping your panties to shreds, letting the pieces of fabric fall to the floor. San’s hand gave your ass cheek as loud, harsh slap making you fall forward towards the perfectly made bed. “Come on baby. Shake that pretty thing for us.” You lazily wiggle your ass, letting the three men stare at your plump cake and leaking cunt. You felt humiliated in the best way possible, wanting nothing but the approval of the men behind you.

San stood behind you, pressing his clothed crotch against your ass, grinding slowly. You choked, feeling the rough fabric of his pants against your skin. His fingers gripping your waist tight enough, it threatened to draw blood, while his hips pulled away before snapping back on your ass. He was thrusted against you dry. Railing you up, causing you to slip into your subspace. “What do you need, baby? Tell us what you want.” He thrusted with. Every. Word.

“I w-wan…” You whimper, feeling tears swell in your eyes, your fingers tangling into the white sheets. “I want you, sir, please.”

A sharp pain shot down your nerves as you felt Sans's hand smack your ass. “You can do better. What. Do. You. Want. Slut.” He pushed two fingers into your pussy making you cry out, shaking at the sudden pleasure.

“I-I want cock please sir. I want to be fucked so badly.” All three men groaned at your filthy cry. Not just asking for San but to just be fucked in general. “I want to be full so badly.”

“See, what wasn’t so hard now, was it.” San snaked his fingers in your hair, yanking your head upwards. You yelped at the slight pain, your arms shaking, trying your best to keep yourself up. “Now the real question is. Which cock you want first?”

“Daddy…” You gaze at the two men standing by the window on your left-hand side. Seonghwa’s eyebrow raised while Hongjoong had the most sadistic smile you’d ever seen. San looked over to them, confused for a moment, feeling a little bit of rage but yet a hint of curiosity. Hongjoong scoffed, clicking his tongue before he started to undo his belt. San tugged you by the hair, so you were standing completely straight up. His hot breath against your earlobe before he gave your ass one more final slap, then squeeze. If you were going to play a bratty game. Then a bratty game it shall be.

“Okay, baby. You want his cock, then you can have it…” His hand snaked back around your throat choking you harshly. “But if you call him daddy one more time, I’ll grab that vibrator I know you have in your backpack and leave it on you until you learn your lesson. Got it.”

You nodded like an idiot, whining just wanting to be filled. But at the same time, San’s empty threat sounded so very tempting. Sadly, before you could say anything, San twisted you around until you fell on your back on the bed. Hongjoong was on you in seconds. His face is inches from you, with the same sadistic smile painted on it. “Hi there Angel…” He kissed your cheek before whispering in your ear. “Don’t worry, Darling, Daddy’s gonna take good care of you.” His voice was low enough that San would only be able to hear mumbles, which caused him to roll his eyes with what felt like the millionth time tonight. Seonghwa, of course, noticed, letting out a laugh.

“Lighten up, Sannie. Share some of the reins. It’ll be more enjoyable.” Seonghwa grabbed the younger male's shoulders, pushing his fingers into his deep neck tissue, feeling his muscles so tense and tight. San closed his eyes for a moment, finally relaxing against the older man. You watched the whole situation unfold, making your head spin. The boys all cared for one another so much and looked out for one another. You felt your heart swell.

“Hey, eyes on me, sweet thing. I want you to look at me while I ruin you.” Your gaze snapped back to him instantly, biting your lip while your brows knitted together. You felt his cock rubbed against your dripping folds, making you forget the other two that stood next to the window. “That’s it, baby. Deep breath.”

You did as you were told, taking in a sharp breath as you felt Hongjoong ease inside you. He wasn’t as long as San, but his girth was something else. He felt like you were being stretched to the breaking point, turning your already mushy brain into more mush if that was even possible. “Hongjoong!!”

His pace was unforgiving, snapping his hips against you without a second thought. He did not wait for you to get used to him, making his thrust mix with the best kind of pain and pleasure. Your mouth hung open with drool pooling on your right side while you moan uncontrollably. You tried your best to keep your eyes open but the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you was making it hard. You didn’t even notice the bed dipping until you saw a washed-out red hair sitting above you. He leaned down giving you a drawn-out kiss while Hongjoong’s hips snapped against you with fury and determination as he fell forward to case your right nipple in his hot mouth. You felt like you were going to explode within seconds. “You gonna cum for Joong bunny?” 

Seonghwa’s voice stirred you forward feeling a sharp burn snap in your gut as his fingers attach to your clit and his lips to your nipple. You’ve never felt so overstimulated in one moment, having three pairs of hands groping, squeezing and teasing any and all parts of your body. Three mouths licking, sucking, and biting you like you were their last meal on earth. You couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop the sudden gush of liquid that slipped out of you, screaming into San’s mouth, sounding like a pathetic porn star. “Fuck did you just squirt?” Hongjoong was the first to speak slowing his thrusts for a moment.

“She did, look the bed is covered.” Seonghwa chuckled.

“Such a good girl. Now you gonna take Joongie’s cum hmm?” San didn’t need to see the other two men’s expressions to know their excitement just grew about a million percent. Hongjoong had to snap his cock back inside you just at the thought.

“Really San? You’ll let us come in your girl?” Hongjoong sounded like he was asking a completely mundane question and not currently balls deep inside of you. San gave you one slap quick peck on the lips as if he was checking in on you without needing to say anything. He could see the sparkle in your eyes, giving him the okay to answer.

“Oh course. Sharing is caring.” 

Everything happened so fast. You couldn’t even tell whose hands were whose. Your body was flipped around until your legs dangled on the end of the bed and Hongjoong was back pushing into your sensitive puffy pussy. He crossed his arms over to grab your hips, holding you firmly as he fucked you hard, quick and desperately. Trying to chase his own high. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.” Hongjoong was so close he just needed a little more, just a little push. And then you clenched hard around him, feeling you about to come again making him choke as he suddenly stop his thrusts, spilling his hot cum deep into your cunt. “Oh fuck. This is the best pussy I’ve ever had.”

“I know, right? And no matter how many times you fucker her. She’s still so needy.” San prided himself in his stamina and when he found out you could go for multiple rounds, it was like a match made in heaven. “Step aside, Joong, I need to feel my baby's cunt.”

A panting Hongjoong pulled out of you slowly, feeling you clench. He groaned, seeing his cum mix with yours as it spilled out of your pussy and down your leg. San was quick to pull you up, walking you over to the chair by the window. He sat down letting you fall onto his lap. You whined, fingers tangling into his shirt. “T-too clothed sir.”

“Hmm, what’s that doll? Am I too clothed for you?” San giggled, tilting his head back as you nodded your head. he held your face, kissing you deeply while mumbling against your lips, “Okay then, baby.”

He turned you around in his lap so your back was against his chest. Your gaze scanned the room seeing Hongjoong laying down on the couch, his cock stuffed by him his sweats but Seonghwa on the hand was stalking his way towards you and San, tugging his shirt off. Neither man had to say another word as San tilted you forward, making you place your hands on his knees. Your face was eye leveled with Seonghwa’s aching clothed crotch, while you could hear San remove his clothes. Seonghwa grabbed your chin, making you look up between your lashes at the older male. His smirk sent shivers down your spine, “Gonna let me fuck your mouth like a good obedient little whore?” 

“Yes, please, Sir.” A loud slap echoed in the room as you let out a yelp. San’s hand rubs your raw ass, smoothing your hot skin. 

“What d-did I say?” San growled.

You looked over your shoulder quickly, seeing San’s eyes were almost pitch, pooling with lust. You gave him a small simple smile before looking back to Seonghwa. “Please. May I please have your cock… Sir.” 

“Fucking brat.” San stood up, gripping your hips tightly, bending you so you could place your hands on the arms of the chair. San gave your ass another harsh slap making you cry, tears swelling down your cheeks. “You want to be a brat. I’ll fuck you like one.”

He sunk into your cunt in one swift motion, knocking the wind right out of your lungs. You screamed, dropping your head while you moaned San’s name over and over against with each sharp, brutal thrust. Your nails dug into the chair, eyes shut tight. Every nerve in your body was on fire, feeling San’s big cock abuse your cervix. “Fuck, sir! Please. So big. Fuck. So full.”

“What? Cock drunk already? Too stupid to form a sentence anymore?” San mocked you, placing a hand on your shoulder, while the other stayed firmly on your hip. He pushed you up slightly, whistling slightly. You didn’t understand what was going on but the next thing you knew was feeling Seonghwa take a seat on the chair in front of you, his hard cock lying against his bare chest. Your eyes grew wide, he was longer and thicker than Hongjoong and San.

“Open wide, Bunny.” You gazed up at him for a moment, seeing a smirk painted on his perfect face. You spread your legs wider, so you’d be levelled with Seonghwa. San let go of your shoulder, stilling his hips so you could take Seonghwa’s cock in your mouth. You tried your best not to gag, gripping tightly onto his thighs while San started to grind his cock against you again once you could take at least half of him. “Fuck. Your mouth feels so good Bunny. So warm.”

“Oh, Just wait-fuck..till you feel her cunt.” San smirked.

“Like I said best pussy I’d ever had.” Hongjoong laughed from afar, most likely still on the bed, watching. Seonghwa threw his head back losing himself in the feeling of your mouth, while San’s thrusts began to get unstable feeling his orgasm creeping closer. He snaked a hand under you to rub your clit, trying to get you to come first. He needed you to come first, he needs to feel you let go and cream around his cock before he could pump you full.

“Come on baby, can you... f-fuck, can you cum for me. I need you to let go, baby.” San was mumbling, losing himself with the feeling of your soaked cunt clenching around his aching cock. You were crying around Seonghwa’s cock, making the vibration down his shaft cause him to buck his hips into you. Everything is so overwhelming, being filled by two men at the same time, while both being lost in pleasure from the feeling of your body. It made you dizzy as he squirted all over San, legs shaking and knees buckling. San came soon after, holding your hips in place so you wouldn’t fall. He swore, feeling his cum leak out around his cock as all the liquid pooled on the floor.

“Fuck, Bunny.” Seonghwa gripped your shoulders, tugging you off himself. San slipped out of you, sidestepping to take Seonghwa’s place in the chair, racking his hands through his sweaty, wet hair. Seonghwa manhandled you to lean against the window. Your nipples chilling to the cold temperature of the glass. Your hands sat flat on the window as Seonghwa laced his fingers with yours. He slowly glided his cock through your dripping folds before sinking right into your sensitive cunt with a groan. His pace was slow, calculated. You’ve never had a cock as big as Seonghwa and it was hitting all the right spots perfectly with each thrust. It didn’t take you long to feel the tinge in your gut again, already so oversensitive from being fucked twice already.

“Sir please I’m gonna cum again.” you completely forgot about San’s rule but no one seemed to notice except for Seonghwa, which made his ego grow more than he’d like to admit. Fucking your hard against the glass for all the city to see...

“Well go on. Cum like a little whore on my cock bunny. Cum while watching the city lights.” Seonghwa’s filthy words were just the right amount to send you over the edge, clamping down hard on his cock. He pulled out of you mid-high causing your body to shake in pain but you didn’t have any time to say anything, as he pushed right back in with a harsh slam, biting down on your shoulder.

You screamed. He came quicker than he would have liked, but the feeling of your cunt was too much for him. Everything went still, the only thing heard was heavy panting and racing hearts. Your mind was too hazy to register the two men helping you to the bed, laying you down where Hongjoong had been. You vaguely could see all three of them standing half-dressed and a mess, at the end of the bed, staring at you. They all thought how beautiful you looked and how well you did for them. And from that day on they knew their relationship with you was going to be completely different and none of them minded one bit.

San might have also ‘forgotten’ the next morning to give you the personalized hoodie so you would have to go back and get it. But not before himself, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong had another round with you.

- ♡

[nadvs]

blurb of hbd reader and rafe with their baby girl please 🥺

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

continuation of this fic & inspired by this ask

Your eyelids flitter open, offering you a view of the white ceiling of the private hospital room you’ve been in all night. The way the light spills in through the slitted blinds tells you the sun must have just risen.

“…never feel sad or lonely,” you hear Rafe say, low and hushed.

You turn your head slightly to see your husband standing by the window, holding your bundled newborn against his chest, her eyes shut.

“And you’ll never have to wonder if we love you. You’ll know,” he mumbles.

Your heart feels both happy and sad as you overhear the words he’s whispering to your daughter, promising that she’ll never feel an absense of love like he did most of his life.

Rafe glances over to see you awake in the inclined bed, the blankets he put on you still draped over you.

“Did I wake you up?” he says, brows furrowing in concern.

“No,” you say. “I think it’s some kind of mom instinct. I keep waking up to check on her.”

He beams at you, already sure you’re going to be an amazing mother. He kisses the top of his sleeping baby’s head as he slowly walks to you, settling on the foot of the bed.

“How’d you make this?” he says in pure awe, gently lifting your daughter a bit higher on his chest.

“You helped,” you tease. “I don’t know. It’s crazy. I can’t believe she’s finally here.”

“You did such a good job,” Rafe says softly.

He thought he couldn’t possibly love you more, but the way you went through the pains of pregnancy and birth just so you two could start a family has given him an even stronger sense of admiration for you.

“Thank you,” you say tiredly.

“I’m going to give you both the best life,” he promises.

“I know,” you say with a smile. “You already are.”

The past 24 hours have been an exhausting whirlwind and you feel your eyelids getting heavy again.

“Sleep,” Rafe tells you. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time to feed her.”

“Okay,” you whisper, already dozing off.

Rafe looks down at his daughter, then his wife, and is sure he’s living somebody else’s life because he can’t possibly be lucky enough to really be sitting here.

Rafe’s mind drifts to what his mom would be doing right now. Sometimes, during big moments like these, he likes to imagine that she’s still alive, to daydream about what she’d be doing or saying in a world where her life wasn’t taken from her too soon.

In this case, he knows she’d be bringing food to the hospital, taking care of her daughter-in-law, holding her grandchild with tears in her eyes.

Rafe rubs his daughter’s small back, feeling her move with little breaths, thinking about how he’ll tell her all about the woman her grandmother was.

The pure, infinite love he feels for his baby is overwhelming, and when he realizes this is exactly what his mother felt for him, his throat tightens.

It’s like this little girl was sent to him from his mother as a testament of a parent’s love, a reminder that she always adored him, that she would never blame him for what happened.

Rafe got a second chance at life that night in the car. His mother deserved one, too, but she didn’t get it, so he tries to appreciate life enough for the both of them. It’s what she would want.

His baby stirs gently in his arms and he kisses the top of her head again as he looks at you. He’s afraid he’ll never be able to give to you what you’ve given to him. The love and grace and patience you’ve beautified his life with.

But he’ll never stop trying. He swears it. When it is his time to leave this earth, he’ll go knowing he gave you and your child everything. All of him.

[naughtyneganjdm]

The Proposition

Summary: You've been at The Sanctuary for a while after Negan saved you. You're a virgin and more than anything you want Negan to be your first. Sick of waiting to be noticed, you go to him and tell him what you want.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC, second person), Simon, Dwight, Regina, Laura, Gavin, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59682937

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, Smut, unprotected p in v, female reader, no use of Y/N, praise kink, loss of virginity, daddy kink, dirty talk, ice play, reader is in their 20s, etc.

Notes: This is day 7 to go with this kinktober list. The prompts this time were bitemarks, ice play and virgin. With this fic, I was a little sick of just flat out porn so I wanted to have it be sweeter. So it has more plot. Negan is more romantic and while he's still Negan with his mouth and actions, it's a more romantic...ish kinktober fic. PS, if you're allergic to peanut butter, I have the reader eat a peanut butter cup in this so I'm sorry if that offends you.

Everything around you was loud. But then again, people were always busy at The Sanctuary. You were seated in the dining hall to yourself. So many things had been on your mind lately and you never had any time to yourself to really think things over appropriately.

Hearing a stir, your eyes lifted to the second level seeing a few of The Saviors walking out near the ledge railing. That’s when your eyes fell on him. The man that people either loved or hated. There were no gray areas it seemed. And you understood both sides. However, with you, you swayed toward the side of actually liking Negan. When The Saviors were out on one of their runs a few months ago, you had been alone. They found you in an abandoned town, trapped with next to nothing. Everyone that had been with you had died and Negan was actually the person who had saved you. So people could say a lot of things about Negan and sometimes they were probably right. But you had a different experience with Negan.

Part of you was actually a little disappointed. There were certain women at The Sanctuary that Negan would bring back and ask to be his wives. That was what he referred to them as of course. You on the other hand, you wondered if he felt bad for you. Because unlike other people, he set you up with a room. Most people had to fight for that kind of thing. Or pay with their points that they earned. Sure, you were still working for points, but Negan had given you your own little apartment that had food and water in it. You were neither a Savior nor a wife. You were just there. Interactions with Negan were also incredibly rare. You tried to stand out to Negan and when you did catch his attention, it always got your heart kickstarted inside of your chest. Something about his smile drove you wild. It was safe to say you were incredibly attracted to Negan and not just because he saved your life. Looks wise, he was gorgeous. And personality? Well, he was arrogant and apparently? You were attracted to that too.

It was just disappointing that when he found you, he didn’t have enough interest in you to make you one of his wives. You had sat with a table of women that gossiped a lot about things at The Sanctuary. There were a lot of crazy things people would talk about. Some would say he slept with the wives. Others would say that he was gay and the wives were just a front. It was a little all over the place. But one thing they brought up once was how big Negan’s manhood was. One of them had caught Negan coming out of the showers once and she couldn’t stop talking about it. Of course people thought she was full of shit because they thought someone who was as arrogant as Negan was, he had to be making up for something he was lacking. But after that conversation, you found yourself staring a lot trying to determine what was honest.

There was one thing that you figured might have been a turn off in terms of yourself if Negan really was this ladies man that some people suggested that he was. You were a virgin. You had been alone for a long time and when the world fell to shit you were pretty tame in terms of things. But now that you were at The Sanctuary, your hormones were going crazy every time you saw Negan. A big part of you wanted Negan to be your first, but the fact that you rarely got his attention as it was made it hard for you to even approach Negan.

Your throat tensed up with Negan curling his fingers around the yellow railing looking down at the people below. There was a smile that tugged at his lips with Simon whispering something in his ear and you felt your throat go dry. God, you wanted him to notice you so fucking bad, but you knew that in a group this large? It was never going to happen. And if you hadn’t been asked by Negan to be one of his wives yet, there was a strong chance that he had no interest in you.

Tapping his hands against the yellow bar, Negan nodded back toward his office and you felt disappointed. You were right. He didn’t notice you. Finishing up your meal, you headed up to the second floor. That was where your room was and considering you got your work done for the day, you figured that you would just rest for what was left of it before you had to get started again.

As you made your way to your room, you stopped when you realized that Negan’s office door was open. A few of the men and women were standing around him. They were staring down at something that was spread out across the long table. Thinking things over, you felt both a rush of anxiety and bravery flood through your veins. You wanted to talk to Negan. Badly. But then again, he was surrounded by some of his top Saviors and they might punish you for interrupting them.

Stepping closer toward Negan’s office, you realized that the sudden sense of boldness you were feeling was just stupid. So you quickly stepped back and started to head back for your room. But then again, what if you did make your intentions known? The worst thing he could do was say no. And then you could work on shutting those feelings down instead of letting them linger.

Taking slow steps back toward Negan’s office, you stopped when you got to the door. Clearing your throat, you moved into the office and knocked faintly at the opened door. Well shit. A rush of panic flooded through your veins when every single one of the Saviors lifted their heads to stare out at you in confusion. They were all waiting on you, including Negan who had one eyebrow arched in curiosity. It was then that you noticed just beyond the map that they were looking at, on the edge of the table was Negan’s bat Lucille.

“What?” Simon snapped waving his hand about when you nervously moved forward into the room.

“Can I…can I speak with Negan?” you wondered, shoving your hands into your pockets nervously.

“Anything you have to say to Negan, you can say to us,” Regina stressed to you, standing up straight and moving forward from where she had been standing beside Negan. It was then you realized that Negan’s main lieutenants and council were who was in that room with him.

“Not exactly?” you breathed out, your voice quiet and you could tell that your answer annoyed The Saviors, but it amused Negan who had his hazel eyes locked on you. Resting back in his chair, Negan clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth and it made you shrug. “It’s personal.”

“Nothing is personal in The Sanctuary,” Dwight suggested from where he was standing beside Simon who nodded. “You aren’t a Savior, you don’t deserve respect. So either you tell us what you want or get the fuck out of here.”

“Dwighty boy!” Negan’s voice boomed, letting out a tsking sound and wiggling his finger about. “Let’s be nice to the lady. I do agree that anything she has to say to me can be said in front of my Saviors, but you don’t have to be a dick.”

“Yeah. Don’t be a dick Dwight,” Simon muttered under his breath, mocking Dwight when he playfully smacked his hand upside Dwight’s head who grunted.

“So what is it?” Laura threw her hands up in the air with all of their attention on you.

“I just wanted to ask him something,” you stressed, not sure you wanted to outright say what it was that you wanted.

“Then ask,” Simon hissed having you let out a nervous breath. Silence followed. How could you say this and not be embarrassed? “Negan, come on.”

“I want to have sex with Negan,” you blurt out, just letting it escape your lips. And by the expressions on everyone’s face, you suddenly felt ridiculous for letting it slip like that.

“Well goddamn,” Negan snickered, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. A few of the other Saviors’ faces had gone pale when Negan wiggled his fingers to beckon you closer into the office. “You are not what I pictured! You are very fucking forward. I like that. I like that a lot.”

Nodding your head once, you felt like the room was spinning around you and you swallowed down hard. Standing up from where he was seated, you felt your face get hot when Negan dragged his zipper down in his pants, “So you wanna do it right here?”

Your eyes dropped to Negan’s pants and your mouth went dry. Why did that just turn you on so fucking much? Thinking things over, you lifted your stare and saw that Negan’s hazel eyes were staring out at you expectantly. Starting to unhook his belt, Negan made a dramatic expression and held his hand out.

“I can take you right here,” Negan pointed to the table, his thick eyebrows bouncing in amusement. “I don’t think The Saviors would complain much. It’s been a long time since they’ve had a good show.”

“I don’t…” you looked between all The Saviors that were there. There were those that looked uncomfortable with the idea. Such as Gavin, Laura, Dwight and a few others. And then there were those like Simon that looked like he was all in for that idea. “I don’t want to do it like that.”

“No?” Negan frowned, tipping his head from side to side when he started to pull his belt back together. Following that, he pulled his zipper back up and snorted. Dropping down into his chair again, he kicked his feet up on the table and shrugged. “You got me all excited for nothing.”

“I’m…sorry?” you exhaled loudly realizing that everyone’s eyes were still on you. “Can we please just talk alone for a minute? I swear I won’t take up much of your time.”

Silence followed. It seemed like Negan was thinking it over, his dimples sucking in when he gazed over you and shrugged, “I don’t know. Are you gonna make it worth my time?”

“Maybe?” you didn’t know what to say to that and Simon scoffed in disbelief.

“Well what if you bore me? Then it would all be a waste of time,” Negan stammered, waving his hand about in the air dramatically.

“I’ll show you my breasts?” you offered, immediately regretting it when you said it realizing that it probably sounded ridiculous. Why were you suddenly so…forward?

“Deal,” Negan snorted, circling his finger to point at The Saviors and motion for them to leave the room. “I get the feeling she doesn’t want to flash her breasts in front of the rest of you motherfuckers. So if you will, please give us a few moments. I’m not gonna turn down the chance to see a pair of titties.”

God, did he really just refer to your breasts as titties? He was immature as fuck. And yet? You were still attracted to him.

A few of The Saviors were leaving the room, but there were a few stragglers. Specifically Simon who had stopped before he left, “Why do I have to go?”

“I already made the deal Simon. And it didn’t involve you. Everyone get the hell out and close the door behind you,” Negan demanded, hooking his fingers together in his lap. Once the door closed, Negan looked to you expectantly and flashed you a big smile. “So…”

You went to step forward, but Negan made a whistling sound and shook his head. Motioning you to stay where you were, Negan dragged his tongue out across his bottom lip and hummed to himself, “You promised to show me your breasts. You go first so that way you can’t back out of it after we’ve had the conversation that you want.”

“Seriously?” you felt a rush go to your head and you felt kind of embarrassed. You weren’t exactly dressed spectacular and you didn’t even know if Negan would really make you go through with it. With a very dramatic nod, Negan’s eyelids grew heavy and he gave you an expecting glance.

Swallowing down hard, you reached for the bottom of your shirt and Negan held his finger up to stop you, “I’ll tell you when you can cover up.”

Mustering up as much confidence as you could, you started to lift the bottom of your shirt up over your abdomen. Negan’s eyes followed the movement of your shirt and when you got to your bra, you hooked your fingers into that as well. The cool chill of the air around you had you releasing a shuddering breath when you pulled the material up over your body right to the bottom of your neck.

Negan didn’t say anything. His eyes were just gazing upon you and you couldn’t tell if he liked what he saw or not. Gradually, a smile tugged at his handsome features and he tipped his head to the side, “That’s a nice pair of tits. They look good on you.”

“Thanks,” you slurred, your pulse leaping in your throat with Negan’s eyes still focused on your body.

“So you want to have sex with me, huh?” Negan questioned, his eyebrows bouncing up and for the first time, his eyes lifted from your bare breasts to connect with yours. “How old are you?”

“I’m in my twenties,” you explained wishing the room was a bit warmer because you could feel your nipples growing hard. Well, you assumed it was from the temperature of the room. But it might have been the fact you were like this in front of Negan and in a weird fashion, it was turning you on.

“Okay,” Negan replied back leaving you to wonder how long he wanted you to stand there like this. “Well your tits are definitely a pair I’d like to play with for a while. So I can’t see your offer being a bad one. My dick is hard now. Do you wanna just fuck right here?”

“Is that what you want?” your eyes lowered down toward his pants in attempts to get a look at his body. It had him snapping his fingers to get you to look back at him with him pointing toward his eyes as if it was offensive you were looking there.

“I would have happily plowed you in front of The Saviors,” Negan reminded you with a half laugh, shrugging his shoulders. “I like when a woman isn’t afraid to tell you what they want. That turns me the fuck on. I never saw you as the type, but that’s okay. I like to be fucking surprised.”

Every word out of Negan’s mouth was annunciated in a very dramatic manner. Hearing that had the room spinning around you, “Tell me what you like.”

“What I like?” you repeated feeling your face flushing over with heat. Would you tell him the truth? You were a virgin. You didn’t know what the hell you liked. Or would you lie?

“Yeah. Sexually,” Negan stammered, shrugging his shoulders when he spoke. “Do you like it rough? Do you like anal? Can I finger your asshole while I fuck you? Is your favorite position face down with your ass in the air? Do you want to be fucked so hard that my balls smack against your clit?”

Your lips parted and it made him snicker. You must have gone flush, “or are you more of a…I want to ride your cock kind of girl? It’s hard to read. Because when I found you, I thought you would be the innocent type. You seemed shy. Then you come in here asking for sex and I don’t know what to think. Do you ask every man that you want to have sex with to sleep with you like that?”

“I uh…” this was it. This was where you had to determine whether you were going to be honest with him or not. “Can I put my shirt down?”

“Not yet. Answer the question,” Negan demanded, his eyes dropping back down toward your breasts again.

“I’ve never had sex,” you answered honestly with Negan’s smile gradually fading. God, you shouldn’t have been honest with him. Forcing himself to look away from you, Negan’s response to your answer made you regret it. “I’m willing to do whatever you want though.”

“Put your shirt down,” Negan demanded and you did as you were told. Silence surrounded you both. Now Negan wouldn’t even look at you. Taking the hint, you nodded and started to head for the door, but he called out to you. “Where are you going? Take a seat.”

Glancing back over your shoulder at Negan, you saw that he was pointing toward the seat that was closest to him at the side of the long table. Obeying, you were careful in the way you slowly lowered yourself down.

“You’re a virgin?” he confirmed with you, but you didn’t know if you wanted to focus on that now since it seemed to turn him off. Well, you were doomed now. Best to be honest. Nodding once had Negan biting down on his bottom lip. “In your twenties?”

Suddenly you felt embarrassed when you looked away from Negan. You said nothing. Yeah. It wasn’t like you were a church girl or someone incredibly innocent, life just didn’t work out for you and you were more so focused on studies and working than you were having a party life.

“And you want me to take your virginity?” Negan pushed further at the subject. You still weren’t looking at him, you just nodded. “Why?”

“I like you,” you answered honestly, your confidence not as much as before with his response to your truth about being a virgin.

“Why?” he asked again. This time he was a bit firmer with his words.

“You’re good looking. I mean, anyone with eyes could see that. I’m very attracted to you,” you explained and as you spoke Negan unhurriedly pulled his legs down from the table. Each foot hit the ground hard with his boots making an echo in the empty room. “And? You saved me. You took me in. You took care of me when no one else did. I almost died and you were my hero.”

Hearing that had Negan’s hazel eyes lifting to yours and his eyes narrowed, “I don’t think you’d hurt me. And if you did? I’d be glad that it was you that it happened with because I don’t want to lose it to someone else. You’re really the first person I’ve had an interest in since the world fell to shit. I like you. A lot. And I want you to do whatever you want to me.”

“I see,” Negan leaned back into his chair and he seemed deep in contemplation. “Yeah. Okay. Tonight after I’m done doing all the shit I have to, I’ll come to your room. Around nightfall. Tomorrow? You’ll no longer be a virgin. So you won’t have that stigma hanging around your head.”

“Tonight?” you felt excited that he said yes. Giving you a small nod had you standing up from the bed. “Okay.”

“Hey,” Negan called out when you headed to the door. You knew that if it was tonight that he wanted to do it, you would have to prepare for things. Standing up from where he was seated, Negan undid the zipper of his leather jacket. Reaching for the bottom of the white shirt he was wearing, he lifted his shirt up right under his chest revealing his naked torso to you. “Since you showed me yours, I figured I would show you mine. Just to help carry you over for tonight.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the amused expression that was over Negan’s features with his nose wrinkling. Taking a good look over his torso, you knew that you would much rather see it up close since you spotted the tattoo that covered his pectoral muscle.

“Those look good on you,” you couldn’t help but mirror what he said eliciting a snort from Negan who gave a firm nod. “I like what I see.”

“Thank you,” Negan looked down over his abdomen and then slowly lifted his head to give you a wink. “I’m proud of them. So I’m glad that you like them.”

“You can lower your shirt now,” you smirked making Negan laugh and give you a single nod.

“Yes ma’am,” Negan grumbled under his breath and it took your breath away. Lowering his shirt, Negan gave you a single wink and then dropped back down into his chair. “You can have The Saviors come back in by the way.”

“How am I going to find all of them?” you reached for the door wondering where each of them would go.

“Oh honey, they never left,” Negan stressed to you leaving you to open the door. Upon opening the door, you felt a rush of frustration flooding your veins seeing that every single one of them had been pressed up against the door or near in trying to listen in on what was happening. Everyone except for Dwight and Laura that was. Dwight was probably irritated and Laura was just trying to give you your space.

“Nice,” you growled under your breath, pushing through them to get out of the office. Why weren’t you surprised at all by that?

A mixture of fear and excitement flooded through your veins. You really didn’t have anything spectacular in terms of clothes, so you spent the points you did have to get a really nice set of lingerie for Negan that you hoped he’d like. The colors you had focused on were red and black, but ultimately went with the black since that’s what Negan put his wives in. You’d have to not eat very well for the next few days, but you wanted to make him happy. You had also grabbed a pair of leather cuffs. The person you got them from probably thought you were a bit of a freak, but with what you heard about Negan? You wanted to be prepared and give him what he wanted. You wanted to make a good impression. You showered, used the perfume that you still had from your personal items when you came here and then put on the lingerie.  

At nightfall, you waited, laid stretched out on the bed waiting for Negan. Again, you wanted to be sexy for Negan. Give him a reason to appreciate you and not regret agreeing to this whole thing. It was a while after nightfall by the time you heard a knock at your door. You had gotten nervous that he didn’t want to do this whole thing after he considered it.

Curling your arms behind your head, you cleared your throat and did your best to pose sexy as you beckoned him into your room. As the door opened, Negan’s expression became more so amused when he entered your bedroom seeing the way you were.

“Wow,” he snickered, closing the door behind him and tipping his head to the side. “Did you have that?”

“I bought it today for you with the points that I earned,” you explained arching your back up attempting to bring attention to your breasts. “Do you like it?”

“I do,” Negan muttered, sucking on his bottom lip and moving to the bottom of the bed. Gazing you over, he looked beside the bed and saw the leather cuffs that were sitting on the nightstand. “What are those?”

“I got those too,” you pulled yourself up unhurriedly into a seated position. Reaching for the cuffs, you handed them to Negan who accepted them and looked them over with a smirk. “People gossip and say things, you know? So I figured you’d like those.”

“People gossip?” Negan repeated, sitting down on the edge of the bed spinning the handcuffs around his finger. Sliding in closer to Negan, you started to caress at his shoulders eliciting a heavy exhale to fall from his lips. “What do the people say?��

“It depends on who you ask,” you responded, doing your best to get Negan to relax. Depositing a kiss over the side of his neck had a sharp exhale falling from his lips. Dragging your hands across his chest had him leaning further back into you. Using that moment, you pushed your hands down over his abdomen and he groaned out. Fuck, that was actually really hot. “Someone mentioned you being really…big.”

Brazenly, you dropped your hand to the center of Negan’s pants palming in over his pants. It had a raspy moan following and it had chills running down your spine that you could draw something that sexy out of a man you were this attracted to.

Surprise filled your body with Negan’s fingers wrapping around your wrist to stop you from touching him, “Does a big dick really matter to a virgin?”

Negan looked over his shoulder to connect his eyes with yours and you shrugged, “I imagine it feels better.”

“You’re a virgin. I hate to break it to you, but it will hurt the first time a cock goes inside of you. Whether it’s big or average sized. Depending on the person you’re with, it’s either gonna hurt a lot or it’s gonna be uncomfortable until you start to get used to it and it feels good. You’re gonna need someone to relax you. Prepare you and it feels like you just want me to fuck the shit outta you.”

Standing up from the bed, Negan shoved his hands into his pockets after tossing the cuffs onto the bed, “Where in the porn hub loving instructional guide did you come up with this stuff?”

A laugh fell from Negan’s throat and you felt embarrassed again. You didn’t know whether you should cover up or not as you slid back on the bed, “Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the lingerie, but whatever you spent on this I’ll make sure they give you back the points. Losing your virginity shouldn’t be about making me happy. It should be about making you comfortable and giving you an experience that isn’t a terrible one. Having me cuff you and fuck you raw is not gonna be the optimal experience. It may be on porn hub or in those racy romance novels, but it’s not realistic. Is that what you really think I’m like?”

“Can you blame me after the way you talked earlier?” you reminded him of how he talked to you before you revealed to him that you were a virgin. “You sounded like someone right out of a porno asking me what I liked.”

“Well that’s when I thought you were a little slutty,” Negan defended himself, placing his hand over the center of his chest. “But you’re not. Not that I would have a problem with anyone being slutty. I mean, I have no right to judge. Slutty can be sexy, but you’re also sexy the way that you are.”

“I’m confused,” you announced, your heart racing at the idea of what he was saying. “So do you want to have sex or not?”

“Just put your clothes on,” Negan ordered, spinning his finger around in a circle. It had you confused and somewhat disappointed. “We’re still gonna have sex, but not like this. Not like something right out of a porno.”

Getting up, you headed over toward your dresser, but Negan cleared his throat, “You can leave the lingerie on underneath though. I do…I do actually really like those.”

Well at least that was a success. Getting dressed in a sundress that you had, you wanted to make sure that you were wearing as little as possible for Negan to take off when the time came. Holding his hand out for you as you approached, you accepted Negan’s hand and were surprised by his actions. This was not the man that the women gossiped about in The Sanctuary. Chivalry actually existed in some fashion with Negan.  

Leading you out of your room, Negan led you to the stairs at The Sanctuary which surprised you since you knew that Negan’s room was on the same level as yours. Following Negan carefully up the steps, you wanted to ask questions, but you didn’t. Once he reached the roof, Negan pushed open the door to reveal that there was a bonfire that he had set up with two chairs not too far away from it.

“A night out under the stars?” you looked to Negan who flashed you a big cheesy smile while he held the door open for you.

“After you my dear,” Negan growled, holding his hand out and motioning you toward the area that was set up. Once he closed the door behind him, Negan held his hand out to you leading you over toward the area to sit down. He made sure you sat first before taking a seat beside you. “It’s a little chilly, but the sky is full of stars and I thought maybe you would want to talk first.”

“Suddenly I regret wearing this dress,” you confessed with a tiny laugh and it had Negan looking you over. There was a chill in the air and if you would have known you may have grabbed a longer shirt to throw over the dress. Getting up from his seat, Negan started to shimmy out of his leather jacket and you immediately shook your head when he motioned you to stand up. “No, I couldn’t…”

“You can and you will,” Negan commented firmly. By the expression on his face, you knew what he wanted, so you gave it to him. Accepting the gesture, you allowed him to help you put the jacket on you before lowering down. Negan waited for you to sit before he sat himself. Pulling the jacket in closer to you, you actually enjoyed the way that it smelled because it smelled clean and fresh. Also the scent of whatever cologne he wore was lingering over the jacket and it was amazing. You hadn’t really been this up close and personal to Negan to be able to smell him before. “Better?”

“Much,” you nodded your head with Negan leaning back and looking up toward the sky. “You’re not what I thought you were.”

“I’m probably exactly who you think I am, but there are just other parts to me that people don’t take the time to know,” Negan huffed, dropping his head dramatically and turning it to look at you. “I know it’s my own fault, but I’m not the kind of guy that finds out someone is a virgin and then I fucking destroy their pussy so they never enjoy sex again.”

It made you smile to hear Negan talking like that, “I am curious what people say about me though. Who are you hearing stuff from?”

“Women gossip,” you explained, sliding your chair in closer to the fire. You weren’t going to give out names, but then again, you really didn’t know their names. “I’ve heard people say you are this sex fiend that will fuck anything and everything that moves. That your wives are your sex slaves that you come and grab whenever you’re horny and want to fuck.”

A deep rumble of a laugh fell from Negan’s throat, his fingers grasping tightly to the edges of the chair that he was seated in, “They are a status symbol.”

“Come again,” you exhaled loudly with Negan’s eyebrows bouncing up.

“I don’t have sex with them. I mean, I’ve had sex with a few of them, but it wasn’t the whole you’re my sex slave and I’m coming to pick you today thing you just said,” Negan waved his hand about, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “I’m okay with people thinking that though. When you think of a man in power, a king, all of them had lots of wives. It’s a status symbol. People look up to you and admire you. Want to be like you. So they listen, get into line having hopes of being like you one day if you take them under your wing.”

“Oh,” you breathed out, surprised to hear him talking like that. “That’s kind of lame, you know that right?”

“I’m a man, I’m kind of lame,” Negan stressed with a rumbling laugh, shaking his head when he reached out for one of the things that was set up beside his chair.

“Which ones?” you wondered getting Negan to look back at you. “Which ones have you slept with?”

“You really wanna know that?” Negan stammered, the bridge of his nose wrinkling. When you nodded, he sat back and you realized that he had the ingredients to make smores in his hands. “Well, before I was here, I was in a group of people. Dwight and Sherry were part of that group. And the two of us had an affair. Although, sex with her lately is not really a thing. She’s hot, but her attitude sucks. I think she likes having the power that comes with being a wife. And I let her have it. I don’t really know why. And then I had sex with Frankie. Before she was a wife, I was really into the whole she was a massage therapist thing. I wanted a massage, an innocent one at first and she just kind of crawled on top of me and…”

“I can picture the rest,” you held your hand up to stop him and it made Negan snort. “Then why are you so…I don’t know? Protective and dickish about them? People think you abuse them. Rape them by coercion.”

“You can’t rape someone if you aren’t fucking them,” Negan responded an annoyed breath escaping his throat. “I don’t rape people. If someone doesn’t want to have sex with me, they don’t. When I ask these women to be my wives, I’m giving them special treatment. They receive things that most people don’t. They don’t have to work for it. They don’t have to fuck me. They just have to sit there and look pretty. Do what I ask. No one is hurting them. I’ve never laid a finger on them. And I’m certainly not fucking them against their will. Tonya, I have an appreciation for a professional chef. Amber, she wanted favors and you know that people would find a girl like Amber beautiful. Frankie, my back is shit. There is a trait each one of them has that I appreciate having in my back pocket and it’s not their lady bits.”

“I see,” you watched while Negan put together a smore. You saw him unwrapping a peanut butter cup and he went to put it on the smore before thinking twice.

“Are you allergic?” Negan inquired, pointing to it. Shaking your head had him letting out a thankful breath before continuing to put together his version of a smore. “Don’t go telling people that I’m not as bad as I seem, okay?”

“Deal,” you snickered, watching as he worked to roast the marshmallow over the fire. “Why didn’t you make me one of your wives?”

“Sorry?” Negan didn’t seem to be too focused on what you were asking working to put together a smore. Handing it out to you, he gave you another big smile as you accepted it from him. With the melted marshmallow over his fingers, he sucked at the tips of them and sighed.

“Why didn’t you make me one of your wives?” you repeated your question and it seemed to make Negan nervous when he started to construct his smore. “Am I not appealing to you?”

“I can find something attractive in pretty much anyone, I’m not particular,” Negan informed you with a long exhale, his eyes gazing over you in a moment of longing. “But I do find you very attractive. So it has nothing to do with that.”

“Then what did it have to do with?” you inquired since you had felt kind of worried about the whole thing to begin with.

“I like you,” Negan answered, his lips parting after he started to roast his marshmallow. “I don’t often get to be someone’s hero. The way you looked at me when I brought you here? It’s been a long time since someone looked at me in a positive light. I think I’m helping people here, but you? I actually did protect you. I kept you safe. You wouldn’t look at me like that anymore if I made you one of the wives. The less you knew about me, the better because the more you knew me the higher the chance that you might start to hate me.”

That took your breath away. In that moment you wanted to do nothing more than to kiss him. Grasping at Negan’s jaw, you pulled him in toward you and brought your lips together. Your quickness surprised him, but he didn’t turn away the kiss. No, he was welcoming to it. Leaning in closer to you over the arm of the chair. You let it linger with Negan turning it into small kisses at your bottom lip.

As you separated, Negan dragged his thumb across your bottom lip with a hum, “I don’t want the way you look at me to change.”

“It won’t,” you hushed him, turning in to press a kiss over his pulse point.

“You can’t promise that,” Negan stated with a frown, using his free hand to sweep his fingers down over your jawline. “I’m not a good man. I will let you down. The further you’re away from me, the better.”

“I’d rather be let down than to never share moments with you,” you explained with a sigh, closing your eyes at the sensation of his rough fingertips tracing over your features. Another sweet, delicate kiss was pressed at your lips before Negan sat back in his chair again. Taking a bite of your smores, you hummed and gave a nod. “I like the addition of the peanut butter cups.”

“I really like peanut butter,” Negan confessed taking a big bite of his sweet treat that he had made for himself. “I’m sorry for making you flash me your tits earlier.”

“I offered,” you couldn’t help but laugh, finishing off your snack with Negan chuckling underneath his breath. “Plus, you flashed me your tits so I think we’re equal.”

“It’s not the same,” Negan insisted with an amused rumble, outstretching his hand to loosely hook his fingers with yours. “I liked that it made you smile though.”

The two of you continued to talk about random odds and ends with Negan getting to learn more about you before you both agreed to leave. Negan didn’t say much as he led you down the stairs. When you passed your room, you knew that Negan was leading you to his bedroom and that excited you. Pushing open the door, Negan looked inside as if to make sure something was right before allowing you in.

Stepping into his bedroom took your breath away. The only light that filtered through the room was that of many candles that had been lit. At the center of the bed were a rose pedals and there was a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket on the nightstand.

“You slammed me for my porn hub fantasy, but this is something right out of a cheesy romance film,” you commented, sucking in a sharp breath of air with Negan moving in behind you to place his hands in over your hips. The roughness of his short beard tickled at the side of your neck with his lips descending over your flesh.

“Shut up, you fucking love it,” Negan chuckled against your neck and it sent chills down your spine. “Losing your virginity like this is so much better than what you thought you needed to do.”

“Unless we burn down the place,” you teased, turning in Negan’s arms to tip up on your toes to meet him in a passionate sweep that had you purring against his perfect lips. Pushing his fingers up underneath his leather jacket, Negan let it drop at your feet. Palming down over your arms, Negan took his time to trace over your body having you a shuddering mess by the time his hands met yours to hook your fingers together.

Pulling you close, Negan allowed your head to rest at the center of his chest where you listened to the sound of his steady heartbeat. Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the way it sounded. It made you feel comfortable and in his arms you felt safe.

Soft strokes of Negan’s fingers were felt at the back of your head before tracing down over the lengths of your back. He was doing what he could to soothe and comfort you. Locking his eyes with yours, Negan started to work your dress up over your body. Helping him get it off, you felt your body tremoring once you were standing before him in your lingerie again.

Taking the initiative, you shakily reached out to grab the bottom of Negan’s white t-shirt. Raising it up his body, you stopped when you reached his arms and he gave you a weak smile. Lifting his arms up, he helped you get the perfectly clean shirt from his body where you dropped it beside your dress. Closing the distance, you flattened your palms out over the center of Negan’s chest. Sliding them out toward his shoulders had his long eyelashes fluttering to a close. This gave you time to appreciate his body and actually get to look at it. Tracing over the tattoo that was on his pectoral muscle, you couldn’t help but be in awe of his body. You actually appreciated the hidden tattoos that you didn’t know were there originally.

“I’m not the typical romance novel lover,” Negan informed you with a bob of his head and you smirked. Dragging your fingers through the dark curls of hair that covered his chest down lower toward his navel and back again had his breathing growing loud.

“You’re my perfect version,” you assured him, sweeping your fingers over the soft fleshy part of his abdomen just beneath his bellybutton.

“You take my breath away,” Negan reached for your hand to bring it up over the center of his chest. Grasping it tightly, Negan closed the distance between the two of you and swallowed down hard. Bringing your lips together again, you parted your lips allowing his tongue to brush in against yours. The taste of the sweet snack lingered and it made you hum.

“You taste sweet,” you muttered against his lips which made him smile. Working your hands down, you started to pull apart the belt in Negan’s pants. Not rushing, you knew you wanted to drag this out. Negan wanted the same thing. By the time you got his pants undone, you slid your fingers up over Negan’s lower abdomen toward his sides and then came to a stop at his lower back. Pushing into the material had it falling to his ankles. Sliding your palms over his small bottom had him groaning out with you grasping firmly to it.

“Come here,” Negan growled, hooking his arms around you to have you falling in against his chest. Sliding his hands down over your back toward your bottom, he did a similar movement as you, testing the flesh in his large palms. “We match.”

Stealing a glance between the two of you, you noticed from the light that was there that he was wearing black boxer briefs. Giving him a nod, you began to press kisses over his jawline, down over his neck and toward the center of his chest.

“No,” Negan slurred, reaching for you and carefully urging you back up to him. Managing to kick out of his boots and swiftly pull off his socks, Negan led you over toward the bed and lowered you down at the center of it. “I want this to be perfect for you. There is not a lot of that in the world anymore.”

“Perfect is having you Negan,” you stressed to him how you felt and it genuinely made him smile. Not an arrogant smile like you were used to. One that expressed a sense of feeling good about himself.

“Do you want any champagne?” Negan wondered eliciting a giggle from you as he crawled in over you. “What?”

“Not now. I just want you,” you explained, caressing up over his chest toward his shoulders to hook your hands behind his neck. It drew him to you with you stealing a desperate kiss from his lips. Carefully laying in beside you, Negan continued to kiss you with his fingers caressing up over your thigh.

For a while the two of you just kissed. Getting used to one another. And you liked it. Even if this was all you got today, you didn’t think you would be disappointed. The way that Negan touched you and made you feel like the center of his world was phenomenal. It’s not what you expected from Negan, but you were happy with this surprise.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Negan breathed against your lips, his fingers trailing up from your navel up between the valley of your breasts. Hovering his lips over yours, Negan smiled and urged you to lift up slightly so he could reach around you to unhook your bra. As soon as the material parted, you lowered back down to the bed letting Negan tug at the material. Getting it down your arms, he dropped it beside the bed and then gave you a smile. Unhurriedly, he slid his palm across the underside of your breasts. Cupping softly at one of them, Negan kissed faintly at your bottom lip and hummed. When his thumb ran across your nipple, you arched up into his touch. The sensation swept circles around it bringing it to a hard nub. Chills ran down your spine, your lips parted and a whimpering sound escaped your throat. “Are you okay?”

Giving Negan a nod, you knew that you were nervous, but you didn’t need to tell him that. Lowering down, Negan started to pepper kisses at your jawline, down over your neck and toward your collarbone. Chills flooded through your body, soft pants escaping you while you caressed at the back of Negan’s head. Moving in over you, Negan braced his weight to keep you comfortable as he started to press kisses between your breasts. Kissing everywhere had you arching up toward him and by the time his mouth covered your breast you moaned out. Glancing up at you with his hazel eyes, Negan made sure you were comfortable while his mouth and tongue pampered that breast before moving to the other.

Stroking down over Negan’s long back and then back up again, you were in total awe of Negan. It seemed like he was enjoying himself while he pampered your breasts with kisses. With a final slurping sound, Negan lifted his head and his eyes looked beyond you to the bucket of ice that was holding the champagne. Reaching out, he grabbed a piece of ice and you gasped when a few drops of the water covered your flesh.

“Cold?” he smirked, the bridge of his nose wrinkling when you gave a nod. Sucking in a sharp breath, you prepared yourself when Negan brought down his hand to lightly trace shapes over your flesh with the piece of ice he was holding. Keeping his eyes hooked on yours, Negan traced the ice over your nipple having you cry out with the sensation. A wolfish smile tugged at his lips when he pulled the ice away. Covering your breast with his mouth allowed a vast contrast between the cold and the warmth of his tongue. Slurping at your flesh, Negan repeated the motion on your other breast having you a whimpering mess beneath him. Nipping at your skin, Negan hummed and started to trace shapes down over your ribcage toward your belly button. “Good girl.”

Trembling beneath Negan, your lips parted with Negan returning what was left of the ice. Placing his hand back over your lower abdomen, Negan kept his eyes locked on yours when he started to push it down between your thighs. Your lips parted, a small whimper escaping you when he fully palmed in over your warmth.

Dropping your head to watch him caressing at your body had your heart hammering inside of your chest, but Negan hushed you and urged you to look back to him, “I want you to keep looking at me. Don’t watch that.”

So you obeyed. You locked your eyes with his, a gasp escaping you when he lifted his hand for a moment to press his fingers beneath your black panties that you had specifically worn for him. The direct contact of his rough fingertips with your sensitive flesh had your hips arching up toward him. There was something about the way that Negan looked at you that made you feel like the only person in the world in that moment and you loved the feelings it brought forth from inside of you.

“If you ever get uncomfortable at any point tonight, just let me know and we’ll stop,” Negan instructed, his fingers tracing slowly up over the lengths of your sex and it had you cooing out. Nodding, you knew that you weren’t going to be asking him to stop regardless of how things went tonight. You wanted this and you wanted this bad. Nothing was going to stop you from having it. Getting up to his knees, Negan hooked his fingers into your panties, unhurriedly tugging them down your body. Even then, he never took his eyes off yours wanting to watch your every reaction to things. Dropping your panties beside the bed, Negan returned to caress at your calf muscle up toward your thigh. “You’re fucking perfect. Y’know that?”

“I’m happy with anything as long as I’m yours,” you knew that sounded probably very dramatic, but you didn’t care. Plus, he seemed to enjoy the answer you gave him when he lowered back closer to you to steal another lingering, passionate kiss from your lips that progressed into a dominant one with his tongue brushing against yours.

“Can I kiss you somewhere else?” Negan slurred against your flesh. The question alone made you shake and you gave him another nod. Peppering kisses over your body again, he started at the side of your neck, over your chest and toward your lower abdomen. This time he went beyond down over your hip, toward your thigh and near the inside of your knee while he pushed at your thighs to give himself enough room to lower down onto his stomach. With him so close to the most personal parts of your body, you felt nervous. This was everything you wanted and more, but this was definitely a first for you. “Just relax. I’m a professional.”

The smile Negan gave you took your breath away with him urging your thighs up. He lowered himself between them. Wet kisses started at the inside of your thigh and he was slow to progress them toward your sex. With the first drag of his tongue across your folds, it had you shaking. Occasionally Negan would lift his eyes to watch your reaction to things as he would drag his tongue up and then down. Repeating the movements until his lips latched faintly to your clit suckling at the flesh.

“Negan,” you purred out his name, your hand lowering to brush your fingers through his hair. Humming out against your body, Negan’s tongue circled your sensitive bundle of nerves and it had your heart hammering inside of your chest. Biting down on your bottom lip, you couldn’t take your eyes off him while he pleasured you. The short stubble of his beard added to the friction against your flesh and you were addicted to the feeling. Involuntarily, your hips rocked against him very much enjoying the way it felt having him kissing, suckling and licking at your flesh.

“Good?” Negan leaned back with a wet sound, dragging his tongue out across his lips releasing a moan himself at the way you tasted. You couldn’t form words. That was pretty much impossible, so you gave him another nod. It made him smile before lowering back down to continue what he was doing. The amount of pressure he was using with his mouth had your heart hammering inside of your chest and you dropped your head back. Your thighs were shaking against Negan and you felt him reaching for your hands to hook his fingers with yours. Moaning out, your eyes slammed shut. The sound of Negan groaning against your flesh added to the sensation with you shaking further against him. Squeezing tighter at Negan’s fingers, you couldn’t believe how good it actually felt. “That’s it.”

Lifting your head, your breathing was broken with the room spinning around you. Negan had just brought you to your first orgasm and it was incredible. Breath taking. But he wasn’t done. His right hand pulled from yours, his fingers tracing lines from your entrance to your clit before back again. Teasing his fingertips at your entrance, Negan lifted his eyes up to watch you when his index finger sank into you. Just like everything else, this was slow drawing you to coo out and moan out his name. His eyelids grew heavy with want, his lips parting and a muscle flexing in his jaw with how tight you were from this alone. Starting off slow, he started to finger you watching your every reaction to it. Whining out when he added a second finger made him moan before he lowered his head again to start suckling at your clit to add to the sensation of him fingering you.

Flicks of his tongue had your hips rocking against him and the steady pace of his fingers thrusting into you felt like nothing you had ever experienced before. This was amazing and you loved every bit of it. The sounds he was drawing out from within you were loud and seemed to make him moan against your sensitive flesh while he pleasured you. You didn’t know if you should be embarrassed from how loud you were being, but he didn’t seem to mind.

There was a certain spot inside of you that as soon as Negan kept caressing at it with his fingertips, it had you a shaking mess beneath him. Once you started reacting a certain way? Negan picked up on it immediately and continued at the same tempo he had set with his fingers. Switching between suckling and licking at your clit.

“Negan, I feel like I’m going to…” before you could say anything else, your hips shakily pulled up and away from him. Groaning out, Negan still kept his fingers wrapped around your thighs while you tremored against him. Your heart felt like it was about to pound right out of your chest. It was the closest you felt to passing out with your thighs tremoring. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Negan snickered, trailing kisses up over your inner thigh and toward your hip when he crawled back in over you. “That’s supposed to happen. It’s a sign of a job well done. Not every man can make you do that and not every woman has that kind of orgasm.”

“Fuck,” you lifted your head to look between the two of you trying to catch your breath. “That was amazing.”

“I know,” Negan nipped at your jawline, leaving tiny bites along your flesh. Grabbing a faint hold of your neck, Negan tipped your head back and it made you wince. The next bite he placed over your neck would leave a mark but you didn’t care considering you wanted to be his. And if you had something that proved it? Even better.

“I want you,” you panted with him tipping his head back to stare out at you. “I’ve never wanted something more.”

Lazily getting up to his knees, Negan held his hands out in the air and it made your throat go dry. His breathing was strong, showing the lines of his abdomen. Your attention fell to the v-line over his hips that led to the top of his black boxer briefs and it made your mouth water at the sight of him.

“Then have me,” Negan offered, his hazel eyes watching you closely when you lifted up on your hands. It was hard because you were still shaking pretty much everywhere. Caressing up over his sides, you started to pepper kisses at his lower abdomen appreciating that he stroked at the back of your head while you kissed over his slender form. Curling your fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs, you pulled softly at it. Not wanting to rush, your lips followed the movement of the material down over his body which had him moaning out. When you reached the base of his cock, you tipped your head back and stared up at him. With his free hand, he dragged his thumb across your bottom lip. Giving a final tug had his boxer briefs pulling to his thighs with his erection bouncing free from behind the constrictive material.

“Fuck,” you leaned further back to gaze over Negan’s length, stealing a look up at him. “I thought you said you were average, not big.”

“I never said that,” Negan slurred, dropping his free hand to stroke at his rigid length letting out a tense breath. “I said it didn’t make sense for you to want to have a big dick for your first time. I thought that might have been the only reason you picked me. Now I know otherwise. Don’t let it scare you. I wouldn’t hurt you. It’s above average, but I know what I’m doing.”

Shakily reaching out, your hand replaced his to stroke at his member in slow, unhurried movements. It had his head dropping back, the vein at the side of his neck slightly bulging and you smiled, “It’s thick.”

“I know,” Negan commented, lowering his head back down to sweep his thumb over your jawline. There was an amused expression over his features when a big, toothy smile pressed in over his lips. Taking initiative, you got up on your knees and heard his breathing grow uneven. At first, you pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses at his hips until bringing your lips to the base of Negan’s cock to start there. Peppering kisses down the length of his shaft toward the tip had him bouncing his hips forward toward you. “You’re just jumping in?”

“You’ll let me know if you don’t like something,” you breathed against his sensitive flesh having him shake against you with the way your words vibrated against his cock. Flattening your tongue out against his flesh, you licked at his body like he was your own personal lollipop and his moans were glorious. You traced at the prominent veins, circled the ridges over the tip and started to kiss at the underside where the head and the shaft met.

“That’s good,” Negan groaned, his fingers cradling the back of your head when you dropped your head back to look up at him. “Are you okay with this?”

“Very much so,” you whispered licking your lips when Negan firmly curled his fingers around his girthy length to bring the tip to your wet lips. First, you started to kiss at the tip eliciting the tiniest of moans from Negan’s throat, but you loved the way it sounded. Each caress of your mouth over his manhood grew wetter until you finally took him between your lips. Lapping at the tip had him sucking in sharp breaths of air, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat.

“Fuck,” he hissed out allowing you to take your time with things since this was all new for you. Once you started to lower your head down taking his length further into your mouth, he helped aid your movements. They were slow at first. Wanting to experience this in the best of ways, you did what seemed to have Negan moaning out. Those were what had this whole thing worth it. You had the leader of The Sanctuary in the palm of your hand dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock when you’d pull your head back before dropping forward again. Wet sounds filled the air with you pleasuring him, leaving you thankful that he was there to help your movements. “Okay…you have to stop…”

With a wet popping sound he had you pull your mouth from him. Negan was panting, his head shaking when he started to wiggle out of the material of his boxer briefs. Kicking out of them, Negan gave you a look with your lips wet and your eyes full of lust and want, “I’m going to come if you keep giving me a blowjob and who knows if I can make this good for you.”

Nodding your head, you allowed him to lead you back against the bed with a nervous sound when Negan moved in over you. Looking between the two of you, you stole another look at Negan’s cock and it made you breathless, “Don’t overthink it.”

Dropping his hand between your thighs again, you felt his fingers pushing back inside of you working to have you relax. Hovering his lips over yours, Negan wanted to make sure that you were focused on him and not the act.

“You’re so wet that we aren’t going to have a problem,” he insisted pulling his fingers from your body. Mewling out at the loss of contact, Negan brought his fingers up to lick at the tips of them before starting to stroke at his cock again. The warmth of his body pressed against yours felt amazing. You could hardly catch your breath with Negan’s eyes locked on yours. “Just let me know if you want me to stop.”

Bracing his weight on his left hand, Negan pressed his forehead to yours. Pressing his hips forward, he led his tip to your entrance and it had you sucking in a sharp breath of air, “It’s not going to feel great at first, but I’ll take my time, okay? I know it’s thick, so we’re not gonna rush it.”

The tip was nestled at your entrance with Negan holding back as much as he could from just going forward with everything. Pushing forward, Negan focused on you when the bulbous tip pressed at your tight hole. It had your lips parting, your eyebrows tensing and when he did get the tip in the both of you moaned in unison. Looking for your hand, Negan hooked his fingers with yours and pressed it to the bed keeping his weight braced on his left arm. Watching so intensely had Negan swallowing down hard when he slowly moved a little more allowing you to take more of him.

The sensation was new, slightly uncomfortable with the fullness that you were feeling as he pushed forward just a small bit more, “Negan…”

“It’s okay,” he hushed you, hovering his lips over yours. The lines in his forehead growing when he stole a quick look between you but forced himself to look up. “Fucking fuck…”

“Please,” you whined wondering if the agonizingly slow movements were really delaying the inevitable. Giving you a nod, he rolled his hips in closer to you sinking a significant amount of himself into your sex. Your tight walls clung to him and a raspy moan escaped his lips. Holding tightly to Negan, you buried your nose against the side of his neck and kissed there. Right now it really was just a full, stretching feeling, but knowing that it was Negan inside of you made it worth the slight amount of pain. “It’s okay.”

“Yeah?” Negan tipped his head back, wanting to keep his eyes on yours when he filled you completely. It had your head tipping back into the pillows and he shakily released your hand. Palming in over the side of your face, Negan laid over you and you noticed that he seemed incredibly focused as well. With a moan, his long eyelashes fluttered to a close and he cussed under his breath. “I’m trying so hard to make this perfect for you.”

“It is,” you assured him, brushing your fingers through his dark hair appreciating that he was focused solely on you.

“You’re so fucking tight and I don’t…” Negan pressed his forehead to yours, stroking his thumb over your jawline. Gathering himself, Negan brought your lips together in a lingering kiss that had you eagerly meeting him. Each caress had you relaxing beneath him and when his hips pulled back, you were almost worried that he was going to leave, but you whimpered when he slowly pushed his hips back up toward you. It had you clinging to him, hooking your arms around his shoulders. It seemed like he wanted to desperately keep kissing you through this, his hips gradually building speed with every thrust he made inside of you. Your nails bit at his shoulders having him dropping his head back, his eyes closing tightly when he moaned. “Fuck. You feel so fucking good.”

Leading him back to your mouth, the two of you kissed with winces starting to fall from your lips when the strength of his thrusts started to grow. Pressing his right hand between the two of you, Negan’s fingers connected with your clit caressing at your body in tempo with his thrusts. That extra added stimulation had you moaning out against his lips. That was when things started to feel better. You still felt full, but it started feeling exceedingly better with your hips arching up to meet every single one of his thrusts. Whimpering against his lips, you started to feel a fire burning at your belly but Negan was quick to cover your mouth with kisses again.

“Negan,” you whined noticing that you were starting to tremor beneath him. Smacking up harder against you, every plunge of Negan’s cock into your warmth had you crying out at the side of his neck. Kissing at his neck, you gasped when you clung to Negan as he undoubtedly got you to another orgasm. Pausing his movements, Negan’s moans were raspy with your tight walls contracting and relaxing around his body. Pulling his hips back and away from you allowed his cock to pull from you fully for the first time and you whimpered. It didn’t feel right not having him inside of you, but Negan laid in beside you helping you turn to face him. Bringing your bodies closer together, your legs tangled to. Negan’s hands settled at your sides helping to bring your thigh up over his hip.

“You feel okay?” Negan confirmed with you, his left hand sliding up over your side toward your neck to get you to look at him.

With a smile you nodded, reaching between you to curl your fingers loosely around Negan’s girthy length to stroke at it. Lifting your hips enough, you led his cock to your entrance again lowering them once you felt comfortable enough. A muscle in Negan’s jaw flexed, his lips parting to release a moan when you took him into you with a fluid movement.

Wrapping your arm around his shoulders, you cried out with him kissing at the side of your neck, his palm lowering to caress at your ass. His hips started rolling up toward yours and you pressed in closer to him. In this position, your movements weren’t as even, but it still felt good being wrapped up in his arms. The skin-to-skin contact felt amazing.

“Negan,” you purred out his name with his fingers curling around your neck giving it a tiny squeeze. His eyelids were heavy with lust, his moans matching yours with your movements.

“Who do you belong to?” Negan slurred, nipping at your jawline. It had you wincing, but you liked the way he held onto you.

“Negan,” you said what you knew he wanted and it made him smile. Pushing at his chest hard enough got him to roll onto his back when you took your time to crawl in over him. You wasted no time in reaching between the two of you to lead him back inside of you and the moan he let out was so sexy that it had chills running down your spine.

“I don’t know how much longer I’ll last,” Negan informed you, his hands settling at your hips with you getting more comfortable over him. Rocking forward, you raised your hips up to the tip and then lowered back down. Testing your positioning and the speeds, you found what felt the best. Doing your best to rock over his erection in more confident movements. His hands caressed up over your back and toward your breasts palming at them while you bounced yourself over his body. “Fuck…”

“Do you like the way my tight virgin pussy feels?” hearing you say that elicited the best moan from Negan thus far showing that he liked you dirty talking with him. Pulling himself into a seated position, he wrapped his arms around you helping you to roll your hips over his length.

“So fucking much,” Negan slurred against your lips between wet kisses that you were both frantic to have. Winces fell from both your throats. Having Negan angle your body a different way had that same familiar feeling he had drawn out from inside of you earlier when he was fingering you. Wanting to have that feeling again, you put forth more strength with him biting at your bottom lip giving it a tiny tug. “Go on honey. Do it for daddy.”

Negan’s right hand fell to your lower back, his left hand curling around the back of your neck while you firmly rocked your hips to his. Whimpering out, you pulled your hips from his and heard him moaning out when his cock pulled from your body. It was another earth-shattering orgasm, that was short lived when he rolled you back over onto your back. Smacking his hips forward against yours, Negan’s thrusts were fast and you knew that he was searching for that same kind of release.

Hooking your arms around him, your hands pawed at his back when he pressed his forehead to yours and his movements started to falter. Winces fell from his parted lips, the throbbing of his cock inside of you alerting you that he was reaching his orgasm. It was a strange feeling, but you clung to him wanting him to be close to you.

“Fucking hell,” Negan panted, lowering in over you. Small movements of his hips continued until he groaned against your lips. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you snickered, stroking your fingers through his wet hair. Lifting his head, Negan’s hazel eyes looked worried and you dragged your hand down over the side of his face. “That was perfect.”

“I could have lasted longer,” Negan admitted, his brow line creasing. “I just haven’t been with a lot of virgins. And I was rock hard for a long time before we started…”

“It felt like a good length to me,” you were weak, enjoying the weight of him over you. Everything was sore, but from the orgasms that he gave you, you were more than happy.

“It wasn’t as long as you think it was,” Negan snickered, lifting up to meet your lips in a passionate sweep. Pressing his forehead to yours again, Negan smiled and shook his head. “So you’re happy?”

“Very,” you assured him, caressing your fingers over his freckle covered shoulders.

“That’s all that matters,” Negan hummed, adjusting his hips while he grew soft inside of you. “I uh…I haven’t slept with a lot of virgins. I was afraid of hurting you.”

“I mean I hurt,” you confessed, looking between the two of you and he did the same. “But I wouldn’t turn down this hurt if it was offered again.”

“You’ve already been through the worst of it,” Negan stammered, his hand palming in over the side of your face with his thumb sweeping against your cheek. “It won’t hurt like that again unless you’re with an asshole who is intending to hurt you.”

“As I said,” you whispered, stroking your fingers through Negan’s wet hair having his eyes connecting with yours. “I belong to you. I don’t want anyone else.”

“I don’t want you to want anyone else either,” Negan confessed, his words vibrating against your lips when he cuddled in closer to you.

“Then we will have to find a way to make it work,” you announced wondering what the hell was going to happen from here on out. Negan explained to you why he didn’t want you to be a wife. But now you knew that you were addicted to him and you wanted to be endlessly his from here on out. And nothing would change that.

----

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[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 32: Promises

Joel adjusts to life in Jackson after his brush with death. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-31 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: References to canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 9.5k

A/N: Hi y'all. If you're still looking at this fic but have skipped the last few chapters because of spoilers, this is a pretty safe chapter to jump back in at. You do need to understand that Joel was nearly killed in an encounter with an unnamed person while on patrol and that someone was looking for him in particular to have the context for this chapter. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

December, 2027

“No.” 

“Baby…” 

“I said no, Joel.” 

You stalked off to another room and Joel could feel your frustration from where he sat on the couch. 

He sighed, debating whether or not to follow you or if he should stay where he was and let you cool off.

It wasn’t the first time the two of you had had this discussion over the last six weeks. 

Joel had made significant recovery since the incident in November. His leg had mostly healed, though he still walked with a slight limp. But he could breathe deeply without feeling the burning pain of broken ribs now. And the parts of him the doctors had to cut away so he would survive - part of his liver, part of his intestine, one of his kidneys - no longer constantly hurt to the point of occasional agony. Everything was tolerable now, if not necessarily what it was before. 

As a result, he was starting to go a little stir crazy. Admittedly, the doctors hadn’t cleared him for anything too strenuous - though he wondered how much of that was your doing versus theirs - but he wanted to start preparing to go back to the life he had in Jackson. One where he felt fulfilled, like he had his place in the community and a way to contribute. 

You, however, weren’t too happy with that plan. 

Joel sighed and got up from the couch, the muscle in his leg burning as he did. Things still hurt and pulled at first - and he was sure getting on a horse would be uncomfortable at best - but it would pass. Or he’d get used to it. 

Either way, he wasn’t content with continuing to sit in his house and rot. 

“Sweetheart,” he said, finding you in the kitchen. 

You closed the fridge door with too much force, making the jars of canned produce inside rattle. 

“No,” you said, adding milk to a cup of tea on the counter. “Find a place to sit, I don’t want you spilling hot tea all over yourself.” 

“I’m not a kid,” he said, a little defensive. “I know perfectly well what I’m capable of…” 

“No, you don’t,” you said, leveling him with a glare before returning the milk to the fridge and pointing to his spot at the table. “Now sit.” 

Joel squared his jaw for a moment before going for the kitchen table - trying to walk with as little a limp as he could manage even though it fucking hurt - and sitting down there. He took a deep breath as you got the mugs of tea and carried them to the table, setting one in front of him and the other in front of the seat he’d come to think of as yours. You settled in beside him, holding the mug with both hands, seemingly determined to not actually look at him. 

“We need to talk about it,” he said gently. 

“I’m not going to discuss you going out there to get yourself fucking killed, Joel,” you snapped. “I’m not doing it, I’m not going through that again. End of story.” 

Joel tried to remind himself that he wouldn’t feel any differently if he were in your position. He couldn’t blame you for it.

You’d been a mess when he woke up. It had just taken him a few minutes to really realize it. 

It was like you couldn’t get close enough to him once you were against him, clinging to him as you tried to not disturb him or put any weight on him. But once he got you settled, you fell asleep quickly. 

Joel, however, was wide awake. Part of him was afraid to go to sleep again. He didn’t want to not wake up, he wasn’t confident enough that he would. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been unconscious but it felt like he’d slept enough for a lifetime. 

So he just held onto you. He soaked up the feel of you in his arms, a sensation he thought he’d never have again. He tried to pick through the fog of his mind, remember what had happened before, but it felt so far away, nothing but a haze of blood and hurt before your voice was there. After a while, he left it alone. 

But you didn’t sleep the way you normally did. At first, you seemed stiff, like you were still conscious enough to be worried about hurting him. That didn’t last too long. Your whole body relaxed, as limp and pliant as you were when he’d just made you come again and again. But you almost never actually found rest that way. Even with Joel beside you, there was part of you that was always tense and ready to defend yourself. A byproduct, he was sure, of years of torment that could strike at any time. You only slept that way when you were at the point of total exhaustion, when your body physically couldn’t be on guard anymore. 

As much as he wanted to talk to you - ask you what happened, how you were feeling, how long he’d been like this - he wanted you to rest more. You needed it, your whole body desperate for it. So when his door opened just as the light in the room shifted to the pink and orange of dawn, his hold on you tightened ever so slightly. 

Carol, one of the doctors, didn’t even notice him watching her come in at first, nearly jumping out of her skin when she realized that his eyes were open. 

“Joel!” She yelped and you stirred ever so slightly against him. He held you tighter. 

“Shhh,” he hushed her before whispering, soft and low. “She needs her rest. Don’t think she’s had much of that lately.” 

“But…” 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he said. “Let ‘er sleep. Can look me over in a bit.” 

She rolled her eyes but left all the same and he watched you, lost in you. You’d survived. He remembered being afraid that you wouldn’t but you had, and so had he. He trailed his fingers gently over your exposed skin, marveling at the softness of you, that you loved and trusted him enough to let your softness be this close. 

The sun was high when the door opened again, not easing open this time but flying, Ellie tearing into the room in a blur of wild hair and disheveled clothes. The door smacking into the wall made you wake with a jolt and he held you close as he felt that tension shock back into your limbs. 

“Joel!” Ellie barreled over to him and he couldn’t help but smile as she skidded to a stop at his bedside as you sat up. 

“Hey baby girl.” 

“You’re awake,” her voice was thick as she sat down near you at the edge of the bed. “Fuck, I didn’t…” 

“Are you OK?” He asked, trying to look her over. 

“I’m fine,” she waved him off. “You scared the shit out of me but I’m fine. The doc said I needed to get you to let her look you over? What the fuck, Joel?” 

“Joel!” You looked down at him, wide awake now, his head propped up on pillows. 

“You needed rest,” he shrugged. 

“You needed to be examined by a doctor!” You snapped, unfolding yourself from your place at his side. He tried to hold onto you but you leveled him with a glare. “After everything we did to get you here alive, don’t even start.” 

He tried very hard not to laugh. 

“Whatever you say, baby.” 

He seemed to frustrate you a lot after that. You talked to the doctors more than he did, never leaving his side and listening to everything they said with a hard look on your face. He tried to ask more about what happened to you - he remembered you bleeding and your face was still damaged but healing - but you changed the subject back to him immediately every time. 

Joel was ready for things to go back to normal as quickly as he could manage but you were nervous, hesitant. The first time you dared leave him at the clinic, something happened with a horse and Olivia came to get you. It was the third day he was awake and you were gone long enough that he was able to get out of bed and try to walk on his own. He didn’t make it very far, all but falling into a chair near the door after using the wall to haphazardly balance as he went. The chair smacked into the wall and Joel heard scrambling from the hall before Carol threw open the door, her eyes wide and panicky before she saw where Joel had ended up. 

“Are you trying to get yourself hurt?” She demanded as she helped him back to bed. 

“No,” he said, defensive. “I’m tryin’ to get myself back to normal…” 

“Joel, you’re 60 years old…” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“…And injuries take time to recover from. You’re not a young man anymore, you can’t push yourself the way you used to.” 

“I’m not a young man anymore,” he agreed as she helped lower him to the bed, his body seeming so hulking and large beside hers. “I can’t afford to waste time bein’ useless.” 

“Recovery isn’t useless,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “If you’re not going to listen to me then you need to listen to that woman of yours, Joel. Take it easy and don’t do things like get up without someone there to help if you need it.” 

Carol was nice enough to not tell you about the fact that he got out of bed and walked to the chair, at least. But she had distinctly sided with you in all matters related to his recovery after that, as had Tommy, Ellie, Maria and Savvy. 

It didn’t help that there were clearly conversations happening that no one wanted to tell him about. He heard raised voices from the front room of the clinic one day, you and Ellie going back and forth about something he couldn’t quite make out until there was the sharp boom of Tommy’s voice ending the conversation. 

“Care to tell me what that was this afternoon?” He asked as you settled into his side to sleep after Ellie and Tommy had gone home for the night. 

“Depends on how pissed off you want to be,” you replied, draping your arm gingerly over his chest and settling in with your head on his shoulder. 

“Not gonna piss me off,” he said gently. You had shrugged out of the button down of his that you’d worn that day before climbing in bed, stripped down to the tank top below and he could feel your skin so easily like this, his hand skimming over your bared arm. You pressed yourself closer. 

“Yes it is,” you said quietly, stretching and kissing his throat before settling at his side again. 

“Can’t go the rest of our lives without shit pissin’ me off, baby,” he said gently. “Don’t think I can handle you treatin’ me like glass the whole time, either.” 

“I just worry,” you said softly. “I don’t want to do this without you, can’t give you a damn heart attack because Ellie has some scheme…” 

“So it’s Ellie that’s causin’ the trouble,” he said. 

You groaned. 

“Fine,” you said. “Better not get all worked up and just let me handle it. Trust me when I say I have it, Joel, I really do…” 

“Baby.” 

You sighed again. 

“From what Tommy was conscious for and what little you remember,” you said slowly. “The people who… those people. They were after you. Specifically you. And Ellie… she hasn’t taken kindly to that.” 

“Alright…” 

“She wants to go find them,” you sighed. “She thinks she can handle it…” 

“No,” he said, already moving to get up but you held him down. 

“Joel.” 

“She’s not doin’ that…” 

“I know she’s not,” you said, still holding him in place. “I told you, Tommy and I have it handled.” 

“I don’t want her to go after them,” Joel said, letting himself relax back into the mattress and your hold on him eased. “Don’t want any of you putting yourself at risk on some damn fool mission…” 

“I know.” 

“She needs to get that shit outta her head…”

“I know, Joel.” 

He sighed. 

“This is such a fuckin’ mess. All of it.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” you said quietly, nuzzling in closer to him. “All that matters is you’re alive and you’re here. We’ll figure it out.” 

You figuring it out, apparently, just meant keeping Joel under lock and key for the foreseeable future. Your jaw was set tight across the table and you fidgeted with your mug, your thumb tapping out a stuttering rhythm on the handle. 

“I need to contribute,” Joel said gently. You glared at him. “Sweetheart…” 

“You can contribute without leaving Jackson,” you said. “Your value here isn’t limited to going on fucking patrol…” 

“It’s a big part of my value, Baby, yeah,” he said. “I don’t got a lot of skills…” 

“You were a contractor before,” you snapped. “You think buildings here don’t need to be repaired? That things don’t need to be constructed? Do that, let them take you out of the patrol rotation.” 

“I’m not gonna hide,” he said, trying to get you to look at him even as you seemed bound and determined not to. “I want to get back out there, I want to do my part…” 

“Your part doesn’t include getting fucking murdered, Joel!” 

“I sure hope it doesn’t,” he reached out and took your hand, his thumb running over your knuckles. “I want to be here, with you, for a good, long time, baby. But I can’t… I can’t be something I’m not. And I’m not someone who just lets other people take on all the risk while he sits at home, on his ass…” 

“Joel.” 

“You say you love me,” he said. You actually met his eyes with that, glassy and wet at the edges. 

“Of course I love you,” you said, not as harsh now. “I love you so goddamn much, I can’t lose you, I can’t, do you understand me?” 

“I know, Baby,” he reached out, his large hand cupping your face. “And I’m not planning on going anywhere. But I can’t be the man you love by hidin’ away and waitin’ for trouble to come to someone else. I need to be the one to handle it. Me. I need to take care of my own business, need to look after you, need to take care of our girls. I can’t do that here, acting like I’m not capable of doing my part. I’m going back out there, Baby, and I’d like to do it knowin’ that you’ll still be speaking to me when I get back.” 

“You don’t get to ask me to watch you hurt yourself,” your voice was thick. “I will not watch you die, Joel. I’m not going to do it and you don’t get to ask me to.” 

“I’m not,” he said gently. “But, Sweetheart, if I am gonna go? I’d like to go out as myself. And that means going back out on patrol.” 

Your eyes searched his for a moment before you all but collapsed against his shoulder, your arms snaking up around his neck, a sob cracking through you. He put his arms around you, rocking you gently. 

Part of him had been waiting for this to happen. Beyond when he caught you off guard when he first woke up, you’d been nothing but strong and stoic. The only time there was a hint of anything else was when the two of you went to bed at night. You clung to him then, Joel swallowing any hint of hurt you accidentally caused when you held him tight. You breathed him in deep, pressed as much skin to him as you could manage. Sometimes, those deep breaths were shaky ones, like you were trying not to cry. He just held onto you, wishing you’d say something - anything - so he’d know how you were feeling. But you didn’t. So he took care of you the best way he could while you were focused on taking care of him. 

“It’s alright,” his hand spread wide over your back, keeping a slow and steady rhythm as it ran up and down your spine. Your tears were racking, choking, making your whole body shake. “You’re OK, I’ve got you, s’alright…” 

“I can’t,” you sobbed against him. “I can’t, I can’t… you can’t leave me, Joel, you can’t.” 

“M’not gonna leave you, Baby,” he said softly. “I promise you. I’ll always come home to you.” 

“You can’t know that,” you sniffed, your sobs calming to sniffles. “Seeing you like that…” 

“I know,” he said quietly. He’d seen you nearly dead enough times, he knew. He understood it. “I’m sorry, Baby, I’m so sorry…” 

“Then why are you insisting on trying to go back out there,” you sat back from him. “If you understood it, you’d stay here with me and with Ellie and Savvy, you wouldn’t do this. Not to yourself, not to me, not to them…” 

“I know,” he said again, looking in your eyes, begging you to understand. “But that girl… she took a lot from me, baby. A few organs, more time than I really want. Almost took my future with you and the girls. Not gonna let her take who I am, too. And I need to go back out there. Not gonna just hide in here, afraid, for the rest of my life.” 

Your eyes searched his, wide and wet, and then you sighed. 

“I have conditions. If you expect me to be OK with this…” 

“Of course,” he said quickly. “What are they?” 

“You go out with Tommy or me,” you said. “No one else. I don’t trust you out there with Jesse or fucking Gene…” 

“They were tryin’ to do the right thing…” 

“The right thing was saving you,” you snapped. “You go out with Tommy or with me or not at all.” 

“Alright,” he said. “You or Tommy. At least to start.” 

You glared at him for a moment but you pressed on. 

“You don’t even think about going out until you’re fully cleared by both doctors,” you said. “None of this second opinion bullshit, they’re both on board or you don’t go.” 

“I can do that,” he nodded slowly. “You’re being very reasonable, Baby, I’m impressed…” 

“Oh, fuck off.” 

He laughed a little and tugged you closer to press a kiss to your temple. You melted into his chest, head nestling against his shoulder so that your nose brushed his neck. 

“I promise, I don’t have a death wish,” he said, thumb tracing a path over your arm. “I always want to come home to you. I just need to do this, too.” 

“I know,” you said softly. “I’m just… I’m so scared with you. All the time, I’m so afraid. It’s different than with Savvy, I’ve always been afraid with her. Scared I was gonna drop her or accidentally hurt her or not teach her the right thing or teach her too much. Scared I couldn’t save her. She’s my heart just walking around outside my body, I’m used to being afraid with her. But it’s different than how I feel about you and I just… I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and I don’t know how to live with being afraid of losing that.” 

He took a deep breath and held you a little tighter. 

“Know the feeling.” 

It was just a few days to Christmas and preparations were in full swing. The tree was up in the middle of town, lights lined the buildings, Julie had been hoarding supplies for some kind of holiday cocktail that she claimed was a surprise that you were highly skeptical of. You, Ellie and Savvy had picked a tree for his living room just the week before and set it up, Savvy standing back with a slight frown on her face the whole time. 

“What’s up, baby girl?” Joel asked, sitting in an arm chair as he watched you and Ellie decorate. His leg wasn’t quite up for standing that much yet. 

“It’s just…” She looked at him for a moment and perched on the arm of the chair before looking back at you. “People really did this before? Put trees in their houses?” 

“Yeah,” Joel smiled up at her. “They did. Biggest holiday of the year for a lot of the world, trees inside stores and offices and shit, too.” 

She crossed her arms, her brows knitting together as she frowned.  

“She never did this with me,” she said quietly. “I read about Christmas in a book once but it didn’t talk about this part and she didn’t talk about it much when I asked and… I don’t get it.” 

Joel nodded slowly. Savvy was still warming up to you. She seemed skeptical of your motivations, of your intentions, of everything you said. It was hard to tell how much of it was teenaged cynicism and how much was rooted in her feelings of abandonment. But since you’d all but moved into Joel’s house, she’d been around you more and more and you did your best to let her guide it. He could tell how much it was killing you, though. He knew the feeling well, remembering back to the days when Ellie wouldn’t even look at him. He could tell how badly you wanted to cling to her. He saw how much you wanted her to stay close and tell you everything in the way you hung on her every word, the way you watched the door for a full minute after she left to go back to Ellie’s. But you needed her to be OK with it more. That just didn’t make things any easier. 

“What did she tell you?” Joel asked, keeping his voice low enough that it wouldn’t rise over the Christmas carols you’d put on the stereo. 

“Stuff she did with her parents,” she shrugged. “That her brothers would tease her about being bad… None of this stuff.” 

“Well,” Joel said slowly. “Think she told you the important stuff.” 

She looked at him, skeptical. 

“The important stuff ain’t the decorations, it’s the people,” he said. “She couldn’t give you the other things so she told you about your family. Don’t think she was trying to hide anything from you. She shared with you what mattered.” 

She nodded slowly and looked toward the tree again until Ellie turned around and called her over to put an ornament on the tree. You bit your lip as you watched her do it, your eyes wide and soft and you hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a squeeze when she stepped back to look at her handiwork. 

Joel was steadfastly trying to focus on the holiday instead of the tension that had settled over the town since his attack. Patrols had been ramped up, sending people out in small groups instead of pairs. There were growing signs of people present in the wilderness, more xes on trees and remains of fires. Tommy had told Joel - much to your chagrin - that the prevailing theory was they were marking Jackson territory, the signs always found at the edges of where patrols ran. As though someone was watching for where they could seize power. Everyone was on tenterhooks, waiting for something worse to happen.

But the build up to Christmas seemed to have taken everyone’s minds off the looming threat. Joel was thankful for it. It seemed to have lightened your mood some, too - part of why he decided to bring up the patrol issue yet again. 

He didn’t tell you that he was set to see Carol the next day to hopefully get cleared for patrol. And… other activities. 

The cruelty of the timing of the attack hadn’t been lost on Joel. He’d just gotten you back, hadn’t even had 12 damn hours with you before he had to leave for patrol and then almost never came back. But he’d lived and, while you’d been close ever since, you weren’t close enough. 

He wanted you. 

That wasn’t quite right, he always wanted you. He was pretty sure he’d wanted you since the moment he first saw you. He was beyond that now. He needed you so bad he ached with it, his whole fucking body hurt with it sometimes. But you wouldn’t touch him without the doctors saying it was OK. Even though, at this point, he was starting to think it was medically dangerous to be so fucking wanting. 

“Are you goin’ to the stables today?” Joel asked, holding you close. You nodded against him. “You think you’ll be done in time for the movie?” 

“Definitely,” you said. “Savvy’s never seen a Christmas movie, not missing that.” 

He kissed your forehead. 

“Been meanin’ to ask you something,” he said. 

“Hm.” 

“Think you’ll be my date for the dance tomorrow night?” He asked. You pulled back from him and glared, your eyes still red. He smiled a little. “Know I left it to last minute but I’m hoping…” 

“Of course I’ll be your date,” you shoved him ever so lightly. “Who else am I gonna go with? Been cooped up here with you for the last month, all my other prospects have given up on me…” 

He laughed and kissed you. 

“Guess you’ll just have to be my girl, then.” 

“Guess so.” 

He kissed you again, deeply, firmly. But it was different than so many other kisses he’d shared with you over the past few weeks. There was heat behind it. A twinge of need and want that tasted so familiar on your tongue. You moaned and adjusted so you were closer to him, your body curving, leg hitching up over his so you could press your mound against his thigh. He gripped you tighter, pulled you closer, but you pulled back with a groan. 

“Baby,” he breathed but you shook your head. 

“Not going to risk hurting you,” you panted. 

“Not gonna hurt me…” 

“Not sure I trust your judgement,” you gave him a final, chaste, peck on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight, walk over with you and the girls.” 

“Have a good day,” he said. 

“I will if you take it easy,” you replied, extracting yourself gently from his grip and heading out the door. 

He watched you leave and waited for a few minutes to make sure you were gone before he got up, too. It was almost Christmas and there were things he wanted to do. 

*** 

Joel looked far too pleased with himself, his hand on your thigh as you sat beside him at the Tipsy Bison. You had one of Julie’s special cocktails - something she called the Grinch and tasted like mint - and were well on your way to being tipsy for the first time in months. 

Savvy and Ellie were sitting with some friends - Dina, Jesse, the boy from school you suspected Savvy had a crush on named Kyle - and looked to be having fun. You hoped Savvy would talk to you about it later. She’d been opening up a little bit more, never fully pulling away like she had for so long. You took what you could get, thankful that she was willing to speak to you at all. 

She’d gone with you, Joel and Ellie to the movie the night before. It was Miracle on 34th Street. She seemed to enjoy it, smiling and watching the screen in wonder, soaking it all in. It was bittersweet to see. You’d always wanted to be able to give her these things, the kinds of things you remembered loving as a girl at the holidays. But there was a certain cruelty in it, too. She’d never see a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, never visit a mall Santa. Jackson brought her closer to the life you’d led as a girl but it was still so far away and it was hard, not being able to share it with her.

But Ellie had talked her into spending Christmas Day with you and Joel. You’d damn near kissed her when she told you and you felt a little like you had as a child on Christmas Eve, the greatest gift you could have ever asked for, spending the day with Savvy, Joel and Ellie all together. 

But Joel seemed as excited as you were, a small smile tugging at his lips as you sat across from Tommy and Maria. 

“Can’t believe it’s Christmas again,” Maria said, taking a drink of his beer. “Swear, time goes by faster and faster every damn year.” 

“I’ll take time goin’ faster as long as that means it’s still goin’,” Joel replied. 

“Know that’s right,” Tommy shook his head a little, half smile on his face. “We’re all still standing and after the last year, seems like the best I can ask for.” 

“Y’all doing anything special for William this year?” You asked, turning your cocktail glass slowly in your fingers. “He’s getting big enough to know what’s going on now.” 

“Santa’s planning to make a visit,” Tommy smiled a little. “He’s been pretty good lately, figure that should be rewarded.” 

You smiled back, looking toward Savvy. She was facing the boy on the bench next to her and his fingers traced the outside of her knee and she smiled. 

The music changed, the strains of the song familiar. Hallelujah. You looked toward Joel and he smiled a little wider, the change so subtle you doubted anyone but you would notice. 

“This is hardly a Christmas song.” 

“There’s an argument to be made,” he said. “Heard it on the radio sometimes at Christmastime, it counts.” 

He took his hand off your thigh and held it out to you. An offering. 

“C’mon, baby,” his eyes were hot on you. “Call it an early Christmas present.” 

You put your hand in his and let him lead you to the dance floor. You draped your arms over his shoulders, fingers trailing through his hair as he tugged your body close to his. 

“See?” He said, tracing your nose with his. “Not so bad.” 

“Helps when you’ve got a good partner,” you smiled a little. “How’s that leg of yours doing?” 

“Good as new,” he said. “Definitely isn’t gonna keep me from dancing with you, that’s for damn sure.” 

You laughed a little before you nestled your head against his chest, sighing contentedly. 

“I’m so glad you’re still here to dance with,” you said quietly as you swayed with him. He gave you a gentle squeeze. 

“Me too,” he said softly, almost sadly. 

“I feel like I wasted so much time,” you whispered, tears pricking the corners of your eyes and making your throat tight. You got like this a lot lately, this haze of what almost was hanging over you. “I should have known better and…” 

“Hey,” he said, pulling back from you just enough to look in your eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, didn’t waste anything. I gave you a lot of shit to work through, more than you ever should have had to deal with. You did what you needed to do, s’not a waste.” 

“What if I’d lost you?” You asked softly. “What if I never came over that night, what if…” 

“What if a lot of things,” he cut you off. “Doesn’t matter. We got here. That’s the important thing.” 

He pulled you back against him and you pressed your ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. 

“Gotta ask,” he said, tone lighter after a moment. “Never had any of those fancy dance classes you had. How do I hold up compared to the guys who did?” 

You laughed once, burying your face in his chest for a moment. 

“Best partner I ever had,” you said. 

He chuckled a little, his lips brushing your forehead. 

“Good.” 

You held him closer, moving with him slowly on the dance floor for a while. You weren’t sure how long. You let yourself get lost in him. The way he swayed in time to a rhythm your body was more in tune with than your mind, the way he felt so warm as he wrapped around you, the way his heart beat and the rise and fall of his chest were constant and stable. The way he was whole in your arms. It was like you could finally relax into that reality, you’d reached a point that you weren’t just scared anymore. He was here, he wasn’t going to fade away to nothing in the night. His heart would keep beating, his chest would keep rising, you wouldn’t need to find a way to do this without him. 

“Ready to go?” He asked softly after what felt like a while. “Want to get you home.” 

“Yeah,” you said, separating from him enough to look at him. “Let’s go.” 

You went and said your goodbyes to Tommy and Maria and Joel stopped by the girls’ table - scaring the shit out of Kyle by the look of it, Kyle’s eyes wide and terrified - before lacing his fingers with yours for the walk home. 

“What did you say to them?” You asked, walking close enough to him that you could feel the slight limp he had now. 

“Told ‘em to get home at a reasonable time,” he shrugged. “And no boys behind closed doors. Don’t want that Kyle kid gettin’ any ideas…” 

You snorted. 

“It looked like you threatened to castrate the boy,” you said. “I don’t want anyone taking advantage of Savvy but I don’t want everyone terrified to date her, either.” 

“Didn’t get that specific with it,” Joel said, a little defensive. “Just made it clear that someone was watchin’. And that someone was me.” 

You smiled and shook your head a little. 

“You’re ridiculous,” you said. “But… thank you. For taking care of my daughter.” 

He looked at you, his face serious as you came to a stop at his front walk.

“Course,” he said. “She’s an amazing kid, Bambi. You did a great job with her. And… might not deserve it but… feels like she’s mine, too. Love her like she’s mine. Hope that’s OK.” 

You looked at him for a moment, his eyes soft and warm, the lines of his face familiar landscapes. For a moment, it was as though your heart had broken open with him, cracked down to the center because the love you had for him couldn’t be held there anymore. You pulled him close to you, kissing him soft and deep. 

Or it started that way, at least. But his body against yours, the sharpness of your love in your chest, the taste of him on your tongue pushed you into desire. It didn’t take much to spark it - it had been so long since you’d had him - but once it was there, it burned hot and fast, swallowing the reminder that you should keep yourself under control quickly. 

“C’mon,” Joel said against your lips, breathless. “Let’s go inside.” 

You nodded and followed him inside, using the short walk from the street to his front door as a chance to try to get the want that was flaring inside you under control. It was too soon, it had to be too soon and you weren’t going to risk Joel’s health just because you were aching to have him as close as possible. 

Joel pulled you back against him as he he closed the door behind the two of you, tilting your head to give him better access to your mouth, his fingertips sinking into your skin as he gripped you tight. You swallowed a moan and tried to keep yourself from giving in even as you pressed yourself closer to him. 

“Joel,” you breathed, pulling your lips from his, his hands still holding you against him. “We… we should stop…” 

“Don’t need to,” he said, kissing you gently again. 

“Joel…” 

“Went to the doctor today,” he kissed over the line of your jaw, following the curve of your bones up to your temple where his lips lingered. “Said there’s a lot I’m allowed to do now. Including everything I want to do to you.” 

He trailed kisses down to your neck and you moaned as his lips pressed into the sensitive skin there. 

“I’ll beg if I have to,” he whispered. “But I need you, baby. Need to have you close, need to be inside of you.” 

“Fuck,” you panted, eyes closed, fighting to focus. “Are…” his mouth found a particularly sensitive spot, kissing and sucking you gently and sending goosebumps spreading over your skin. “Jesus… are you… are you sure? I don’t want you gettin’ hurt…”

“I’m sure,” he said softly, finally pulling his lips from your skin to look in your eyes again, your body cradled against his. “Bein’ apart from you has damn near killed me. Need to feel you.” 

“Need you, too,” you breathed, caving to your baser instincts. “Please, Joel.” 

He kissed you again and you could taste the desperation on his tongue, heat pooling between your hips. He guided you toward the stairs as he shrugged out of his coat and pushed yours off your shoulders and down your arms. He left both in a heap on the floor, keeping his mouth against your own until the two of you were at the base of the stairs. You only separated long enough to go up them, Joel pulling you back against him on the second story landing. 

You let him guide you, tried to focus on being gentle with him instead of pulling him to you and pressing him against you the way you wanted. 

But you could only resist so long. You tugged at his shirt, pulling at the buttons until you could shove it down his arms and toss it to the floor, too. He did the same with yours, discarding it in the hall before pulling you into his bedroom, nudging the door closed with his foot. It wasn’t long before you were both naked next to his bed, bodies pressed close and tight, his cock thick and hard and weeping against your stomach.

You took control then, turning him in your arms so that he was against the bed. He lowered himself back onto it slowly, his grip on you gentle but secure so you were on his lap, straddling him as you kissed him. 

“Really fucking missed you,” he whispered, kissing down your jaw to your neck to your chest. He rocked his hips up against you, his thick shaft nestled against your clit, the motion making you moan. “Goddamn, missed you so much.” 

His hands slipped over your skin to your breasts, cupping and cradling them before lavishing his hot, wet mouth over the soft swell of flesh there. He sucked a nipple into his mouth with a needy groan and you couldn’t help but roll your hips against him as he did, your tight, hot center clenching and gripping at nothing, desperate for something to pull deep inside. Joel’s tongue teased the firm nub between his lips, licking and sucking you, making you moan and rock yourself against him on his lap before moving to the other breast, giving you the same treatment there. 

“Joel,” you whimpered, fingers tangling in his curls. He pulled his mouth from your chest to look in your eyes, his gaze soft and hot like starlight. 

“Think you can come like this for me?” He asked softly. “Want you to come for me, want you to be so wet and soft inside for me, think you can do that?” 

You just nodded and his hands slid around to your back as he buried his face in your throat before going back to your breasts as he rutted his thick, dripping length up against your clit, the silken firmness of him pressing close and tight against your wet heat. You ground your hips down against him, desperate for more, to be as close as you could be to him, his body determinedly angled to keep you from working him into you. There was a tightening ache in you, the burn of need for something that was just out of reach making your head spin and pleasure spool.

“Just gotta come for me,” his voice was hot and needy. “Just come for me, all you gotta do. Just come, just come, please baby, just come, want to feel you come like this, you can give me that, know you can…” 

His desperate words were what you needed, the tension in you rising until you felt like you were going to break with wanting before your orgasm hit you hard, a wave of pleasure rolling over you. It was sharp, you hadn’t come in weeks, and you could feel all of it. How your clit throbbed against his cock, how your entranced pulsed and grasped at the root of him, how it seemed like your entire being was trying to pull him into yourself. 

“Oh fuck,” he held you tight to him, his cock pressed tight against you, so firm that you could feel him against your pubic bone. “Fuck, just like that. Gonna feel so good inside you baby, gonna be so goddamn good, just get all that come all over me, feel so good drippin’ all over me.” 

You dropped your head to his shoulder, body going limp for a moment as your orgasm finished. Joel cradled you to him before going to adjust you on the bed but you stopped him, sitting up again and pressing back on his shoulders. 

“Baby,” he groaned but you took his face in your hands and tilted his head so you could kiss him, really kiss him, the kind of kiss that was more hungry and consuming and claiming than anything else. 

“Let me,” you whispered when you pulled your lips from his just enough to speak. He let you adjust him then, until he was flat on his back in the middle of the bed, your folded legs bracketing his thighs. You stroked his cock - wet with your come and leaking his own arousal - before rising onto your knees to notch his thick head at your entrance. Joel’s hands went to your thighs, his thumb tracing the scar there, the one from the knife you’d taken to the leg when trying to save him. His eyes were trained on it, his fingertips digging into your flesh more sharply there than your other leg. His eyes traced up your body to the scar at your stomach, just as harsh and red and raw as the one at your leg. 

“Not tonight,” you said quietly. His eyes found yours. “It’s not about that tonight.” 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, his callused hands slid up your thighs to your hips and you eased down onto his hard length. You moaned as you took him into yourself, his thick cock sinking into your soft heat. He felt so good inside of you, your body remembering just how to make him a part of you. It had been weeks but it didn’t matter, he was built into you now, he fit into you the way no one else ever could, filling and stretching you totally. His breaths stuttered as more and more of him entered you, his fingertips clutching onto the soft flesh of your hips and ass harder and harder with every inch of him that worked its way into you. Just as the ridge of his head ghosted against the back wall of your channel, your hips met his and you let yourself adjust for a moment, savoring the feel of him inside you that way. 

Joel was panting for breath below you, his eyes tracing over your body again and again as your channel gripped him. 

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he looked in your eyes as he said it. “Most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.” 

You just moaned a little, your hands coming to rest on the broad expanse of his chest, fingers splaying wide over his skin. But you didn’t move otherwise. He felt too good like this, so deep inside you. You almost didn’t want to move, didn’t care if you didn’t make yourself come with him in you. He was deep inside and he was secure there. You could feel how whole and alive he was, the way his cock throbbed, the pulse of him, the comforting heat. Like this, he was yours. Unquestionably, undoubtedly yours and no one could take him away from you. 

“Fuck, sweetheart,” his fingers tightened on you. “I… fuck… I need you to move, baby… I can’t keep goin’ like this, I need… I need you to move, need to feel you, please baby, please.” 

You didn’t respond. You just started to rise on his cock, moving your hips slow and shaky over him, making him groan. When just his head was left barely inside your entrance, you thrust back down, his cock splitting you open again, his head falling back, mouth open in a desperate gasp. 

You rode him like that for a while, you weren’t sure how long. The slow and aching lift, the devastating reclaiming as you took him again and again almost meditative. You watched each other, lost in the feeling of your bodies together, working in tandem to become something more than just yourselves. 

Eventually, Joel tugged you closer, tilting you down until he could reach your face, his large palm curving over your jaw, his thumb pressing into your cheek. 

“C’mere,” he whispered in the dim light of the moon on the snow outside his window. “Want to feel more of you.” 

You folded yourself into him, your bodies aligned, his cock still buried deep but your chest now against his, your lips overing over his own, noses against each other. Even in the night, you could see the different shades of brown in his iris like this, all of them soft and full of love for you. 

His hand slid to the small of your back, tilting your hips just so and holding you there as he started thrusting up into you and making you whimper. 

“Let me,” he said softly. 

You just nodded, letting him gently work himself into you again and again. The strokes were aching and smooth, almost rocking as he moved inside of you. The deep, full press of his thick cock into all the soft parts of you that existed because of him, the brief moment of feeling so full and whole before the tender rhythm he set within you pulled him back again. 

“Joel,” you whimpered, so desperate. You weren’t sure you could even say anything else, every other word you’d ever learned reduced down to the only one that mattered in that moment. 

“Together,” he said quietly, never breaking his rhythm. “OK baby? Together.” 

You just nodded quickly. Your body was getting tighter and tighter and you kept your eyes on his, breathing the same air, feeling the press of his warm, soft skin into yours as your orgasm built alongside his. 

“You’re close,” he said. It wasn’t a question and you didn’t need to answer. He could feel you and you could feel him, too. “I’m gonna come, want you to come with me. Going to fill you up so deep, baby, going to feel me so deep and I need to feel you, too.” 

His hand that was on your back pressed into you firmer, taking root at the base of your spine and pushing your hips lower so his cock was deeper longer, his hips pressed against your clit with more heat and tension and, for a moment, it felt as though your entire body was on fire with need before the band of pleasure that had been winding tight inside you snapped. Your orgasm hit you like a wave, rushing out from your core and flooding through the rest of your being just as Joel pressed your hips down and flush with his, holding himself deep as he came with a strangled moan. Your channel fluttered around him, rippling and pulling him into you as he pulsed deep inside. You could feel him so clearly against and inside you, every inch of his skin, every throb of his cock, every gasping breath. You kissed him then, bodies connected in every way, until your orgasms eased and you went limp on top of him. Your head nuzzled against the side of his neck and you breathed in the scent of his skin as you came back down to earth, his arms keeping you flush against him as his cock softened inside of you, the combination of his come and yours already dripping out of you. 

“Never goin’ that long without you again,” he said softly, his fingers tracing slow and easy abstract patterns over your skin. You hummed in agreement. “I’m gettin’ to be too old to be so deprived.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Should start being more careful then,” you said, reaching out to card your fingers through his hair. 

“Well now that I have the proper motivation…” 

You laughed again and closed your eyes. He held you like that for a while, until goosebumps from the winter air started prickling over your skin. He took you more firmly then, slipping his soft cock from the safe, soft warmth of you and slipping you down beside him on the bed. He pulled a blanket over the two of you and you sighed contentedly. He tugged you closer and you happily obliged, your legs tanging with his as he brushed your hair back before holding your face gently in his large hand. You just smiled a little, eyes on his. He smiled back, just enough that his cheek dimpled. 

“You’re still feeling OK?” You asked quietly after a few minutes. 

He laughed lightly. 

“Whole lot better than OK,” he replied. “I’m amazing. Always amazing when I’m with you.” 

You smiled a little wider. 

“You know,” he said slowly. “I had a lot of time to think when I thought I was about to die.” 

Your smile shifted to a frown but his didn’t, not really. His gaze was just soft, gentle. Like he was trying to leave himself as open as he could to take as much of you in as possible. 

“I remember more of that than anything that actually happened in that room. Didn’t have much in the way of regrets,” he continued. “Had you to thank for most of that. Ellie and I had made things right, I was thankful for that. I was thankful you’d come back to me, even if it was just for a night. Thankful I got to tell you I loved you one last time…” 

“Joel,” you whispered. His thumb stroked your cheek. 

“I saw Sarah,” he said quietly. Your eyes went wide but you stayed silent. “When I was unconscious, I saw her. She was someplace good, somewhere that was bright and warm like her. And there was part of me that wanted to stay with her, take care of her and make sure she was OK. But… most of me wanted to come back here and be with you and the girls. And Sarah… she told me that it wasn’t my time yet. Told me I still had things to do here, that I needed to take care of you and Ellie and Savvy and I just… I knew she was right. I felt it, more than I’d felt so many other things, I felt that. I belong here, next to you. I don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to you but right now… well, I got one big one.” 

“What?” You asked quietly, your heart beating faster. 

“That I almost died before having the chance to live as your husband,” he said. Your breath caught. “But you saved me, gave me a chance to do it right. And I don’t think I deserve to ask you for a damn thing but I’m hopin’ you’ll let me, anyway. Will you give me that chance? Will you be my wife, will you marry me?” 

Your heart was beating so fast that you could hear your blood in your ears. You reached out, hand trembling, and cupped his cheek. 

“Of course I will,” you said softly, voice thick and wet. Joel smiled, tears glistening in his eyes, and he kissed you, gentle and deep and lovely, a kiss empty of expectation and full of promise. 

When you separated, you just looked at him for a moment, taking him in, the man who would be your husband. The whole concept made you laugh, the sound bubbling up in you. 

He just smiled. 

“What, baby?” 

“I just…” you paused, still laughing a little. “It’s the end of the world, how do you even get married now? Not like there’s a courthouse…” 

“Well,” he said, rolling away from you for a moment and reaching into the drawer of his nightstand. You propped yourself up on your elbow and frowned, watching as he rolled back with a small wooden box in his hand. “Figure since the paperwork part don’t exist anymore, we can do it whatever way you want to but…” he opened the box. Inside was two rings, both dark metal, one band slender, the other thick. “Thought I’d make sure this part was covered.” 

“Oh Joel,” you sat up all the way, letting the blanket pool around your hips. You took the smaller ring from the box and held it up, looking at it up close. “Where did you find these?” 

“Made ‘em,” he said, sitting up, too. “They’re from one of Ares’ old horseshoes. Figured it was only appropriate…” 

“They’re perfect,” you breathed, turning it over in your fingers for a moment before looking at him. “Could we… I mean, I know it’s fast but… would you be OK if we just did it now?” 

“Did what?” 

“Got married,” you said, watching him. “I understand if you want to wait or want the girls there but…” 

“How do you want to do it?” He cut you off. 

You smiled a little. 

“How about we just make promises to each other.” 

He smiled back. 

“I like it,” he took his ring out and set the box aside. He held it out toward you and you took it before putting your ring in his palm. The two of you faced each other, blankets in your laps, knees brushing under the covers. 

He took a deep breath. 

“I promise I’ll love you with every part of me,” he said. “And I promise I’ll keep lovin’ you until there’s none of me left.” 

“I promise to love you every second of the rest of my life,” you replied. “And every second of whatever comes after, too.” 

“I promise to protect you,” he said. “Promise to never let anything hurt you.” 

“I promise to take care of you,” you said. “And look out for you and protect you because where you go, I go.” 

“I promise to love your girl like she’s my own,” he continued. “And I promise to take care of her and do everything I can to make sure she’s safe and happy.” 

“I promise to love Ellie like you do,” you said. “I promise to help guide her and protect her and give her the life she deserves to have.” 

You looked at each other for a moment, tears in your eyes, before Joel gently took your left hand in his. 

“Think they used to say ‘with this ring, I thee wed,’ or something like that,” he said, thumb tracing your knuckles. 

“That sounds right,” you smiled a little. 

“Alright then,” he said, lining the ring up with your finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.” 

He slipped it into place. It fit perfectly, settling at the base of your finger with a soothing sense of finality. Joel lifted your hand to his mouth and kissed you there, his lips lingering on your skin for a moment before releasing you. You held his ring tight in your palm for a second, warming the metal, before taking Joel’s left hand. You lined the ring up with his finger and took a deep breath before looking him in the eye. 

“With this ring, I thee wed.” 

You slipped it into place, lacing your fingers with his once it settled where it belonged. You smiled, looking down and seeing his ring on your finger before looking back at him again. 

“Think I get to kiss the bride now,” he said. 

You laughed. 

“I think so, too.” 

He pulled you against him gently and kissed you all soft and deep, his lips holding every promise he’d made to you and, for the first time since the end of the world, you knew what it was to feel secure.

Next Chapter

A/N: ❤️

And that's all I have to say about that.

And that there's a lot more story to come. We're not quite to the end yet, I promise.

Thank you for being here and for reading. Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

[skyward-floored]

Swapped

Part one of the Incredibles au power swap fic lets gooooo

I don’t know how many parts this is going to be total, maybe four..? I tried to keep it short, but that... didn’t work, heh. This is set after movie stuff at some point, don’t know exactly when, not too long... but supers are legal at least.

But anyway, enjoy part one!

Part two

————————————————————

Wind woke up slowly, his ears ringing in his skull.

A dull pulse of pain rippled through his middle, and he winced, putting a hand on his chest and rubbing it as he tried to think through what had happened. He remembered a voice talking, and something about intruders being free test subjects...

Oh. Right.

And a big explosion that had sent them all flying.

Ow...

Wind rubbed his eyes, wincing. He supposed a weird explosion shouldn’t be that surprising, since they were trying to break into a crazy-secure science lab. They’d gotten some information on all sorts of illegal experiments going on here, with supers allegedly involved, and they’d all suited up and stormed the place.

Nobody had realized they were expected.

Wind sighed, and sat up with another wince, grateful his supersuit was so sturdy. If he’d been in his civilian clothes, he’d probably be a smear on the wall right now. Or at least dealing with some broken ribs instead of just the weird soreness he had.

He shook his head, trying to disperse the ringing in his ears, and looked around, wondering why it was so quiet. Something about the air seemed weird, like something was missing from it.

A frown settled on Wind’s face and he reached for some wind, trying to listen and see if there was anything moving nearby. Then he froze.

He couldn’t do it.

Wind thrust his hand out, twirling it in the motion he always used when he directed the winds, but nothing happened, no matter how he moved his hands, no matter how hard he tried.

Something was wrong with his powers.

Wind breathed in shakily, and looked down at his hands, trying not to get swamped with panic. He was fine, he was fine except for the aches and lack of powers, he was fine. He probably just... needed to recover a little more from being unconscious. Yeah.

That had to be it.

Wind swallowed and looked around, suddenly zeroing in on Legend lying nearby. He wasn’t moving, and Wind shakily got to his feet, stumbling over and crouching at his side.

“Legend?” Wind asked, and gave his brother a light shake.

Legend didn’t move, not one inch, and the sight of his brother so still made something lurch in Wind’s stomach.

He paused in trying to wake him, and turned his attention to the rest of the room. He’d been separated from the others in the explosion, and the only other person besides Legend and himself in the hallway was Warriors. And Warriors looked like he was beginning to stir, a groan coming from his direction.

Wind stood up again, the absence of his wind all the more noticeable when he tried to draw on it for assistance. He swallowed and kept going, and knelt by Warriors’ side as his eyes flickered open.

“Warriors?” he asked in a shaky voice, and his uncle groaned, pressing his hands to his ears.

“Not so loud...” he bit out in a whisper, face screwed up in a wince. “...why is it so loud?”

“...I’m the only one making any noise,” Wind said in confusion, and when Warriors winced, he switched to a whisper as well. “...Sorry. It’s not loud at all Warriors, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t... know?” Warriors bit out, trying to sit up. “Ugh... I feel like I got hit by a truck...”

“Did you hit your head?” Wind asked anxiously, and Warriors slowly shook it, still wincing.

“No... everything is just... loud.”

Wind waited a moment for him to wake up a little more, and Warriors breathed out, slowly sitting up. Pain still showed in the way his face was creased though, and Wind felt the bubble of anxiety in his chest get a little bigger.

“That was a weird thing they hit us with... are you sure you’re okay?” Wind said as he helped Warriors sit up, glancing worriedly at the rubble separating them from the others.

“Yeah...” Warriors mumbled. “You okay, Wind?”

Wind swallowed.

“I... I don’t know,” he said honestly, wishing his voice wouldn’t shake. “I only woke up a bit ago. I found Legend too, he’s still unconscious, but Wars there’s— there’s something wrong with my powers.”

“What?”

Wind bit his lip. “I can’t get them to work. Ever since I woke up I haven’t been able to feel any wind or anything, there’s something wrong.”

Warriors’ face creased in concern, but then he paused, and held out his hand with his palm outstretched.

Nothing.

He tried again, a little more frantically, but still nothing happened, and he exhaled, looking down at his hands.

“Looks like mine are on the fritz too,” he said worriedly, then gave Wind’s shoulder a squeeze. “We’ll... we’ll figure this out. There’s probably something blocking them, I’ve seen this before. We just need to find the device.”

“You’re sure?” Wind said shakily, and Warriors nodded, giving his hair a quick ruffle.

“Yeah. It’ll be fine, kiddo.”

Wind gave him a small smile, then decided to check on Legend again since he still hadn’t moved. His brother’s face was still pale and blank, and while he didn’t look injured, Wind knew stuff could be hurt on the inside where they couldn’t see it.

Warriors joined him a few moments later, still wincing, and got to a knee beside Legend. He began looking him over, brushing dusty bangs from his face, and Wind watched in silence from beside him.

“Warriors, what do we do now?” Wind asked quietly, and his uncle hesitated, flinching when a sound rang out in the distance.

“I... don’t know just yet. Let’s recuperate for a bit, see if we can wake Legend up. Maybe try and contact the others. Then... I guess keep going. Somebody has to stop this scientist guy.

“And that somebody is us.”

“Right-o,” Warriors smiled. Then he stiffened, ears pricking as he looked down the hallway. “Someone’s coming.”

“I don’t hear anything,” Wind said in confusion, and Warriors shook his head, gathering Legend up into his arms.

“I can, there’s someone coming, trust me. We need to—”

Footsteps clattered towards them, and Warriors flinched, quickly tugging Wind and Legend behind a piece of rubble. A handful of guards came around the corner, and Wind crouched down further, watching them nervously.

Normally four guards would be nothing, but without powers and Warriors in a questionable state... Wind wasn’t sure they could handle them.

“Wars?” he whispered, and Warriors put a finger to his lips.

The guards drew nearer, spreading out and looking around the rubble. One came closer and closer to where Warriors and Wind were, and suddenly looked behind the rubble, spotting them.

“Hey!”

He grabbed for his gun, and Warriors shoved Wind behind him, launching himself at the guard with a snarl. The man shouted as he fell backwards, and despite the pain on Warriors’ face, he managed to wrestle the gun away from him.

The other guards heard him though, and Wind’s stomach lurched as they surrounded Warriors, unsure if he should go help or stay where he was and defend Legend. Warriors was hurting, but Legend wasn’t even awake, what was he supposed to do?

Two guards split off and went for Wind, and he yelped in panic, backing up so he could better protect Legend. The guards both reached in the nook Wind and Legend were tucked in, trying to grab them, but Wind avoided their hands and kicked at their arms.

Warriors was still struggling with the other two guards, but when he heard Wind’s yelp, his head shot up, eyes going wide when he saw one of them pull out a gun.

“Get away from them!” he shouted, eyes glowing, and was suddenly doused in shadows.

A familiar noise hummed through the air, and Wind and the guards stared in shock as the shadows dispersed, leaving a grayish-blue and white wolf on the ground where Warriors had been.

The wolf looked utterly shellshocked, and Wind felt much the same as he stared at it.

What.

Wind suddenly realized the guards were all distracted by the abrupt appearance of a wolf, and he shoved his shock to the back of his mind. He pushed the two that were trying to grab him, knocking them both over, then darted out and grabbed a piece of metal that had fallen on the ground.

He slammed it into one of the guard’s heads, sending him to the floor, but by then the others had snapped out of their daze.

But Warriors had too, and it didn’t take long for him and Wind to take out the other three guards. All four lay unconscious in short order, and Wind panted heavily as he wiped his face.

Then he stared back at the wolf, who was staring at his paws with his ears back.

“Um... what?” Wind spluttered, disbelief coming back. “Warriors that— how?”

The Warriors-wolf whined, his eyes wide, and he paced around in an anxious circle, nose twitching and ears flicking.

“How did you do that?!” Wind repeated, and Warriors flinched at his raised voice, ears folding back again. “...sorry. But why do you have Twilight’s powers?!”

Warriors repeated his whine, tail between his legs, and suddenly the shadows whirled around him again, blocking him from view. When they dispersed, Warriors was back to normal, sitting on the ground and looking somewhat nauseous.

“...Warriors?” Wind asked, and Warriors slowly sank down and laid on his back, then put a hand over his eyes.

“Gimme a sec,” he croaked.

Wind went quiet, and for a minute the only sound in the room was Warriors’ somewhat-shaky breathing.

While his uncle got a hold of himself, Wind gently tugged Legend out from the hiding spot, setting his head in his lap as he sat down. He ran a hand over Legend’s hair while he watched Warriors, and finally his uncle exhaled, and took the hand off his eyes.

“I think I know what the problem with our powers is,” he murmured. “Somehow... they switched.”

“But how?” Wind said as he stared at his uncle, and Warriors sighed, slowly sitting up and setting his hands over his ears again.

“I don’t know. But... I think it has to do with that weird energy pulse. I’d guess somehow it switched our powers.”

Wind stared at him in shock, and Warriors grimaced as something made a sound in the distance.

“How... is that even possible?”

“I have no earthly clue.”

Wind petted Legend on the head again, trying to wrap his brain around the idea of powers somehow swapping. Their powers were a literal part of them, how could anything switch them around?

“So... so you somehow have Twilight’s powers,” Wind said, and Warriors nodded. “Does that mean Twilight has yours?”

“I don’t know. But based on the whole wolf thing and the fact that I can hear so much as a pin drop, I definitely switched with Twilight,” Warriors said, then winced again. “Eugh. How does he deal with being able to smell everything? Or hear people breathing?”

Wind shrugged. “So... what was it like being a wolf?” he asked curiously.

“...Weird. We should get moving before the guards wake up,” Warriors said, dodging the question, and Wind sighed and nodded. Obviously Warriors didn’t want to talk about it.

...he’d get it out of him eventually though.

Wind looked down at his hands as Warriors moved to pick up Legend, flexing his fingers, and wondered suddenly if the same thing had happened to him.

Had he just gotten his powers blocked, or had he switched with somebody too? Was that why he couldn’t feel his winds?

Wind focused on himself for a second, trying to remember back to when he was smaller, and accessing his powers was more difficult. Normally there was a sense of the winds around him that he drew on, a thrum in his heart that moved in time with them, and he could usually draw on it with little to no effort.

That feeling wasn’t there anymore, but as Wind focused, he realized there was a different thrum inside of him now, one that felt blindingly strong.

Wind cautiously drew on it, but it was like turning on a firehose, and a flood of whatever power he had now came rushing at him, startling a yelp from his throat.

Warriors called his name, but Wind barely heard him, focused on the power rushing through his middle, spreading to his limbs and stretching out along his face. It was nearly overwhelming, but Wind held on against it, gritting his teeth as power buzzed all over throughout his skin.

The rush ebbed finally, enough that Wind could open his eyes, and the first thing he noticed was that the floor seemed a lot further away then it had before.

Also Warriors staring at him in shock.

“What?” Wind asked, then startled at the way his voice echoed.

“You... you also swapped,” Warriors said in a somewhat strangled voice.

Wind blinked, then looked at his hands, feeling the current of power run through him, feeling so powerful that he could probably punch his way through the walls if he had to.

Which meant...

“I got Dad’s, didn’t I?” Wind said.

Warriors sat back down.

“...Yep.”

[luvsfootball]

injury - aurelien tchouameni.

requested by - anon.

request - hey its me the anon that asked for the aurel fic... so basically hes injured and out for two months (😭😭) can you do him and reader using that time to catch up and do couple stuff coz back then he's too busy to do allat. just giving out ideas if you dont want to write it its fine. thank you for writing for aurel tho love you sm (😭🤍🤍🤍)

“ow, ow, ow,” aurelien winced, climbing out of bed to try and make it to the kitchen. his groans of pain made you stir in bed and when you sat up, you could see the frustration in his eyes.

“baby, the doctor said you have to rest. where are you going?”

he turned at the sound of your voice and sighed as he felt completely defeated. lying back, he rested his head against the pillow as he muttered, “i wanted to make you breakfast.”

you laughed at his words and sat up, grabbing your nightgown from the bedside table. “aurelien, you’re hurt. if anything, i should be making you breakfast.”

aurelien grabbed his matching nightgown, something that he was adamant you both brought a couple months ago.

“what are you doing?”

“i want to come with you,” he replied, but you could tell just by looking at him that he was in pain. you sighed, pushing hin lightly back down onto the bed and pecking his lips. ��relax, anjo.”

he rolled his eyes in a joking manner, leaving you to go and make breakfast for the two of you.

+

you knew aurelien was slowly losing his mind being in the house 24/7, so you had decided to book a trip away to france, where you both grew up.

“have you got the passports?”

“for the last time, everything’s sorted.”

aurelien picked at his fingernails as you both sat on the chairs, waiting for your flight to begin boarding. you grabbed his hand to stop him from doing the habit he had picked up ever since his injury.

“what’s wrong, anjo?”

he sighed as he looked into your eyes. “i’m just happy we’re getting to spend more time together.”

the smile on your face was wide as you rubbed circles on his skin, “i’m glad too, aurelien.”

it said your flight was boarding so you both walked up to the walkway, hand in hand as you got ready to board to france.

+

“he’s okay, i think he’s just going a bit crazy. football has been part of life forever, and well now he has to wait.”

your sister gave a sympathetic smile to you whilst aurelien kicked a ball outside with your niece. she loved aurelien and when she found out about his injury, she was bummed as well.

the pair of them always played football whilst he was back in france, so now he couldn’t keep up, she was sad.

“how’s your leg?”

“sore. that’s why i’m using this one.”

aurelien kicked the ball back to her with his okay leg, and she caught it in her hands. “do you love aunty y/n?”

he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “of course i do, mon petit champion.” she smiled at the nickname before resting on the grass with aurelien.

“are you going to marry her?”

he was taken aback. of course he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, but aurelien had never really gave much thought to how you’d spend your future together.

looking at you through the glass screen, aurelien knew then and there he was going to marry you. he just wasn’t sure when.

“of course i am.”

+

the muffins were in the oven and now you were both home, things had gone fast. aurelien had been back to training but he was taking it slow.

he seemed to have cheered up a lot so you were making his favourite muffins to take with him to work tomorrow.

“they smell amazing, anjo.”

his arms wrapped around your waist from behind as he kissed your head, taking a lick of the spoon that you had used to stir the mix.

aurelien loved you like this.

all messy and worn out from doing baking.

“i was talking to cassie the other week.” at the mention of your niece you turned around, wondering now what they spoke about. “and?”

“she asked when we were going to get married.”

at the mention of marriage, you laughed a little. of course you wanted to get married and the fact your niece told him made you chuckle.

but his face fell at your laughs. “what, you don’t want to get married?”

“no, of course i do. i just can’t believe a nine year old was talking about marriage with you.”

“well that’s good, because…”

aurelien trailed off, hand feeling around his pocket to find the ring he had brought the other day. he dropped to one knee in front of you, grabbing your hand.

“aurelien, what are you doing?”

“these past couple of weeks, you’ve shown me that i want to spend the rest of my life with you. you’ve taken care of me whilst i’ve been hurt and you paid for a trip to france so i could see my family. you’re my world. my moon and stars.”

tears formed in your eyes as you looked down at him. “my knee’s kinda hurting,” he chuckled and you laughed too, pulling him up. “of course i’ll marry you. i love you too, baby.”

“let’s call cassie and tell her the good news.”

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 27

Omg day 27 already?! I can’t believe this fest is almost done :( today’s prompt for @hprecfest is fun but also challenging for those (like me) who read way more canon-based fic than AUs. But I do love a good challenge so I decided to go full non-magical AU instead of picking a “Draco in the Muggle World” AU. And since I’ve been sick in bed with a lot of time in my hands I thought why not rec 2 Drarry fics + 1 rare pair. As you’ll see I love rivals to lovers a normal amount so that naturally makes Sports AU my absolute obsession jam. I’m so happy to include in one single post an old fave, a recent fave and my favourite rare pair. Run don’t walk!

Day 27) a Muggle-AU fic:

Drarry

🏒 Mad Blood Stirring by provocative_envy (E, 3k)

It's not like they've been angrily hooking up on the sly since meeting at a Juniors skills camp in fucking Manitoba four years ago, except that's exactly what they've been doing. ALTERNATIVELY: Draco and Harry really need to talk about their feelings.

fucking finally, the perfect excuse to cheekily include my fave sports/non-magical AUs and scream non-stop about them! I couldn’t care less for hockey, and yet I’ve reread this classic more times than I care to admit. this is superb rivals with benefits to lovers (my fave!), super hot and hilariously chaotic as all Drarry things should be. PE nails both characters in a non-magical setting perfectly - their voices are a delight and the constant flirting bickering made me lol every 3 seconds. they are so deliciously crazy for each other I could stay in this verse forever just watching them pine, play & fuck throughout the season - make sure to go check the FlintWood piece here, it’s equally brilliant! def a classic sports AU to reread over and over.

🚣‍♀️ Our Objective Remains Unchanged by @citrusses (E, 46k)

Harry Potter, returning member of the Oxford University Boat Club, has two goals for the spring of 2005: beat Cambridge, and beat Draco Malfoy. Perhaps not in that order.

an instant 2023 fave, this is the rowing AU I did not know I needed but boy, am I happy it found me 🙏🏼 citrus got me shooketh from beginning to end, I am awed by the world building and the whole Oxford way of life especially the classism aspect and the training ethos. everything is so vivid and refreshing and unlike anything I’ve seen in the fandom so far. the fic incorporates many canon elements and balances dialogue, world building and character development flawlessly. being in Harry’s head is an emotional ride, he’s a wonderful and relatable character and I just wanted him to be happy so badly. Draco’s arc is equally moving (I was screaming at his reappearance) and this is peak rivals to lovers!!! I was very invested in the competition and the romance is so so lovely and real. I felt incredibly sad and lost when I finished this fic because I wanted to stay in this universe forever. fun, inventive, sophisticated and surprising in the best ways, go read it now

Rare pair

Shut Up and Kiss Me by @unmistakablyoatmeal (Harry/Teddy, E, 7.7k)

There's a reason Harry walks an extra ten blocks to go to the shops and it has nothing to do with onions.

smitten Harry my beloved!!!! I’m so weak for this ship and this shop AU is the cutest thing you’ll read today, I love swooning Harry daydreaming about Teddy and being an absolute dork around him. it’s so funny (and mildly embarrassing) to watch him pine over this cool, charming, and confident young Teddy who’s not afraid to get what he wants 🌝 the clubbing scene deserves special kudos for its depiction of ageism in queer spaces and how older folks sometimes struggle to fit in. for all their differences I love how Harry and Teddy instantly click, the casual-not-so-casual flirting flows smoothly between them until the UST breaks with deliciously hot smut as per sdk’s usual. a sweet AU to check before the year ends!

[folkloreguk]

French Class [7]

A/N: AAAH I apologize in advance for this part bc I feel like it's kinda messy :/ I hope you still like it though?? Lmk what you think! x

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, angst, H/N is a jealous and drunk fool :/

words: ~ 3.7 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @yeostars, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon, @tr-wemoon, @prismwon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek, @r-eadings

H/N’s POV:

Maybe I’ll come ‘round, your text had said. How did you expect him to enjoy the party if you wouldn’t be there? H/N used to make fun of guys who ran after girls like lap dogs. And yet, over time he had become one of them, if not worse. Every text, every possibility of seeing you had him on the edge of his seat in excitement. There was nothing he cared about more than spending time with you. When at first it had been sexual attraction – an obsession with your body and the way you turned him on with the most subtle words and touches – it had changed into something entirely different. The relentless hunger was now occasional, ever so often interrupted by a dire wish to see you smile. A wish to hold you, and to kiss you out of the blue – something he wasn’t allowed to do if it wasn’t for the two of you hooking up. The stupid agreement you had made was starting to feel like torture instead of heaven. He was lucky his poker face was professional, and he had years of practice in flirting and sounding casual even if his heart was beating up to his neck. There was no other way he could have concealed how infatuated he was with you, otherwise.

“H/N, come help me set up the snacks!” Korain shouted from the kitchen. H/N’s friends were throwing a party at their place, and he had shown up early to assist them in preparing everything. With you on his mind – as always – he trotted into the kitchen where a row of bowls was standing out on the counter.

“Just open and pour the bags into the bowls, will you? I still need to get ready,” Korain said. “Chohee said she might be here a bit earlier, and I don’t want to look like this when she’s going to look amazing.”

Korain gestured to his bed hair he probably hadn’t brushed once since getting up and then tweaked the fabric of his sweatpants and his old, baggy tee. H/N wanted to argue that if Chohee really liked Korain, she wouldn’t mind seeing him this way. H/N, for one, couldn’t care less what you wore tonight. As long as you showed up at all, he would be beaming. Strictly speaking, at times when he got to see you wake up, sleep in your eyes and your clothes in a disarray, it spun his head in ways no little black dress could ever do. When he saw you make breakfast in his kitchen, in his shirt, he could barely contain himself.

His daydreams of you were once naughty and gave him boners at random times of the day – and don’t get me wrong, they still were, sometimes – but it was when the domestic dreams had begun, that he realized he was screwed. He didn’t need anybody to tell him how he felt, nor did he have some crazy moment of clarity. There came a point in his days where he didn’t just notice his non-sexual daydreams of you, he invited them. His brain was imagining things like setting up a shared table for dinner or kissing the back of your hand in the dark of a movie theater or playing you a cheesy song that reminded him of you. He wanted to hold your hands from across the library table and have his arm around your shoulders to show you off to the entire campus. But none of it could be real. It all went against the rules.

“Will Y/N be here too?” Korain asked and pulled H/N out of his daydreams. God, I hope so, he thought.

“She said she might be here,” H/N answered.

“Chohee’s always talking about her. And you. About how she thinks Y/N has a crush on you, but she always denies it, saying you’re just friends. Maybe you could try and bring that up tonight?” Korain said, as if discussing your feelings for someone was as easy at conversing about the weather. “Alright, I really have to go get ready now.”

“I’ve been thinking, I might- “ said H/N, but Korain only pat his shoulder.

“Let’s talk later, at the party, okay?” he said, and walked out the kitchen. I might like her, H/N had been meaning to say. I might like Y/N. No. I’m in love with her. No maybes. He could bet all his money on it, that’s how sure he was. But his friend had disappeared and now it was on him to wait until the party began. Left alone with his thoughts.

Of course, you would deny having a crush on him. Because you probably didn’t, he thought. Wouldn’t you search for a smart guy, someone your mother would approve of, and someone who understood your endless talks of nerdy topics? Although sometimes he had no idea what you were on about, H/N was captivated whenever you gave him a lecture about something you had learned. And when he asked you to explain something one more time, you never hesitated, or judged him for it. Your kindness made his heart swell, and only when the first crowd of party guests arrived did he realize he had spent half an hour daydreaming about you. Again.

With the way he kept the front door in his sight at all times, one could have wondered if he was a highly wanted criminal on the run, afraid the cops could barge in at any moment. Some of the girls who tried to flirt with him even asked him about it, but he wasn’t going to confess he was waiting for the love of his life to walk through that very door. With little conviction he returned their flirting. He hated himself for the thoughts he had. Thinking that should you not arrive, he could console himself by taking one of the other girls home instead. They didn’t deserve to be used like that, but he was bitter and so, so in love with you. It was hard to pay any attention to the other girls at all, no matter how sweet they were being.

Flirting back at them, however, came to him as easily as the words to his favorite songs. It posed no challenge, like it did with you. When he had to try hard to make your cheeks heat up, or to lure out a shy smile instead of your genius, quick-witted remarks. There was nothing more exciting to him than to invent new ways in which he could make you flustered.

Right now, it was his turn to be flustered. Because his ex had approached him and was reciting some of her favorite memories she had of their relationship. “Remember our third date…the one that ended with us squished in that tiny dressing room at Victoria’s Secret?” she asked and blinked at him expectantly. He went along with her words and replied something not too direct, but still enough to make her giggle like a little girl.

It was his own fault she was so intent on talking to him. While you had been on your date with the economy-major-guy, H/N had tried to contact his ex again. In hindsight, he thought it pathetic and extremely stupid at that. Nothing would have come of it, anyway. Not while he felt the way he did about you. So it was only lucky his ex hadn’t been free that night. Then he had gotten dangerously close to drowning his feelings in the vodka in his kitchen. Thankfully he had refrained from this, too, because you had shown up afterwards and you had ended up having mind-blowing sex, and he knew for a fact that had he been drunk, he would have blurted out some crazy sentiments he would have regretted saying in the morning.

Sometimes he tried to signal you his emotions, ever so subtly. Waving off your claims when you called him the campus fuckboy or telling you he wasn’t really hooking up with anyone else besides you, it all was an attempt at making you see what he felt for you. He would tell you that you looked pretty, not just so you would understand he liked you, but simply because it had to be said. When he regarded you fixing your hair in the mirror with a frown, he could barely believe you didn’t know how beautiful you were. And he had gotten closer to you during sex. Whether it was voluntary or an instinct that came with being in love, he wasn’t certain. There was nothing like kissing away your moans while he fucked you into a mattress.

He was about to text you – the urge to see you getting unbearable – but didn’t want to sound clingy when you strut through the door. No slow motion or fan blowing your hair around dramatically would have made you look more perfect. The ridiculous pang he felt in his heart when he saw you hug another guy only reminded him of how whipped he was. He reminded himself that he had no right to be jealous. You weren’t his girlfriend, after all. When you then made eye contact with him and made a beeline for him, he was worried he’d be short of words. He needed to pull himself together.

“Hi,” you said, and your smile was magical enough to stir up the butterflies in H/N’s stomach. You pointed at the empty spot on the sofa between H/N and another guy you didn’t know. “Is this seat taken?”

“No,” the guy said, before H/N had time to speak, and the stranger smiled at you in a way that could only mean he wanted to get to know you. But H/N caught your attention by swiftly putting his arm around your shoulder, making the stranger back up and divert his eyes the other way. He had never meant to be the jealous type. It was just that you were finally here, and he was so happy to see you, he couldn’t bare the thought of you running off again. Only when you gave him a funny look H/N realized he needed to calm down if he didn’t want you to get annoyed.

“So, what did I miss?” you asked.

His ex was approaching from across the room again, and before he could have stopped his mouth, he said the stupidest thing. “Kiss me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, but he was intent on it. “Please. Kiss me. Quick.”

There was a strange emotion that crept over your face, and you seemed to have no clue why he was so set on it. Nevertheless, you did as he asked. Your mouth tasted of watermelon bubblegum, so sweet, so perfect, and he was flying on cloud nine for the short while it lasted. It wasn’t real, though. The thought stabbed his brain like a dagger. When you pulled apart you were grinning, and his ex wasn’t in the room anymore.

“Care to explain why we just did that?” you asked. “You’re diminishing your chances with the ladies in the room.”

He rolled his eyes. “My ex has been trying to get with me again, and I hoped she’d let off if she saw us kiss. And she did.” Then his eyebrows raised. “What do you mean by my chances with the ladies? I was hoping we could go home together.”

“I can’t tonight,” you said, and he had to fight to keep his face straight. “I’ve got to get back to studying first thing tomorrow morning. I just came here to hang out, for a while.”

“Oh,” was all he could muster without sounding like you were ripping out his heart. It wasn’t even your fault. He would never try and get between you and your studies. But what if he could be there? What if he could be the one staying in bed, watching as you climbed up early to bury your head in books? He’d watch you through tired eyelashes, and you’d ridicule him for being so starry-eyed when looking at you. Later he’d bring you tea or coffee and remind you to take a break to eat. Was it ludicrous to obsess over something so domestic? He didn’t feel guilty for it.

All at once, your laugh pulled him out of his daydream, and into a funny story you told him. Over-consciously, he noted how your arm went around his shoulder lazily. And for a while you sat and talked. Occasionally a flirty remark slipped over your lips, and he would always return it. It was idiotic, but he was already worrying about how much he would miss you once you went home. Perhaps his plan of consoling himself with another girl hadn’t been so bad, after all. Just as he had finished the thought, a familiar face walked by and noticed him. The alcohol in his veins made her seem perfectly inviting as a distraction, for later.

“Oh, hey. Y/N, this is Minji,” he said, pointing at the girl. “Minji, this is Y/N. She’s…just a friend.”

Instantly, you removed your arm from his shoulder. There was hidden pain in your gesture, or was it merely wishful thinking on his side? Minji nodded and greeted you, but you only waved her off with a polite smile.

“I’m going to get a drink from the kitchen,” you announced, and before he could have stopped you, you had walked off. For a while he chatted with Minji, because he had no good reason to run after you that wouldn’t create awkwardness. His patience lasted approximately ten minutes. Luckily, a friend waved at Minji from across the room and she excused herself. Although he would never wish her ill, he was glad she was leaving.

Quickly, he made his way to the kitchen, where he found you talking to a guy. Without thinking, H/N smiled at you as he came up to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. He hadn’t meant to look so intimidating, and he hadn’t meant to be an asshole either. Yet, the guy across from you appeared scared and when you turned your attention to H/N, the guy slowly retracted into another circle of chatting people. Guilt crept in on H/N. He was tipsy, and although he knew his drunkenness wasn’t an excuse, it made him want you so much more. Perhaps it was also insecurity making him act crazy. There was always a glimmer of hope in the back of his mind, that you might just like him back. So long as you hadn’t confirmed the opposite, he would live in constant terror that someone else could steal your attention and make you theirs before he could.

“Come with me,” you muttered in his ear. Your hand was around his wrist, and he had no choice but to trot after you like a child. At first, he thought you were going to take him out the front door, but then you made a turn for the stairs. He didn’t need to be a fuckboy to know what it meant when a girl walked him up the stairs. From one second to the other, his mood changed into gleefulness. Had you changed your mind? The mere thoughts of what could happen upstairs could have given him a boner, had he pondered on them for longer. You said nothing, only driving him more insane by the second. The first open door was good enough for you, so you pulled him inside and closed it behind you. Smirking, he reached for your waist, ready to pull you into a kiss.

“Don’t,” you hissed, and he flinched at your angry tone. He kept his hands to himself, kneading them nervously. Shit. This was the clear opposite of what he had anticipated. The two of you had never fought, and hearing your voice, sounding so deeply upset, scared him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you asked.

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to make out- “ he said.

“I don’t mean just now. I mean…what is it you’re trying to achieve by acting all possessive over me in front of random guys? Pretending I belong to you? But the second a pretty girl is in front of you I’m just a friend, aren’t I? What’s that about?”

There was no explaining this, and he knew it. Yet, he would try, pathetically. “I just thought you didn’t want those guys bothering you.”

“I can handle a guy by myself, thank you,” you snapped. “If I needed help, I’d ask. Like you did. Apparently, I’m good enough to be used as an escape from your ex, but when hot Minji came around you wouldn’t even blink when I got up and left.”

“Usedas an escape?” he asked in disbelief. “You didn’t have to kiss me, but you did anyway.”

“That’s because I was trying to be a good fucking friend!” you yelled now, sounding over the music from the party.

“You used me too, don’t you remember?” he countered. “Or did you not show up on my doorstep after your terrible date so I would fuck you and make you feel better?”

You looked taken aback for a moment, knowing he was right, in a way.

“It’s like you’re always trying to get away from me, but you can’t,” he said.

“Oh, fuck you!” you said, every trace of guilt washed away. “Get off your high horse! Isn’t that the whole point of us? That we’re using each other for sex? Nothing more than that, right? If I walked out now, you could go and find the next girl in line to take over instead of me. Didn’t you try to see someone while I was chatting to the guy I went on a date with? It’s all about using people, isn’t it? If things with the guy had gotten more serious for me, you’d have her, ready for you. Don’t you think that’s a little messed up? Leading someone on like that?”

There was truth to your words. He had tried to find someone to date, should you have found someone too and your friends-with-benefits relationship had been over. But he hadn’t led her on. He had been honest in letting the girl know he wasn’t sure if he wanted anything serious. His chest was hurting, and the pain was only making him more furious.

“Yeah, I could have switched you for her,” he said coldly. Was he only trying to hurt you now? Perhaps, but you had hurt him first.

“Right, because that’s all I am to you,” you said, quieter than before.

“That was our plan! You’re my fuck buddy, nothing more!” he raised his voice now, tired of your empty words and signs. “You have no right to accuse me of anything when I’m playing by the rules. The rules you made. Maybe we should go back to the beginning. Start the game over. I don’t even know what we’re arguing about right now.”

“Start over?”

“Go back to when we were just horny for each other and nothing else,” he said, as if that would be possible. As if he could ignore the way your eyes shined, even in the dim light coming from the streetlamps outside. Like he could pretend he didn’t want to hold you and make you forget all about this terrible fight.

“Fine, let’s try,” you said, and he watched in astonishment, as you closed the gap between the two of you. When you tilted your head, he gave you permission by doing the same. When you kissed, with teeth clashing and exhausted sighs mixing up, he swore there were bombs going off somewhere in his head. Alarm bells, too. This was by no means a great idea. But what could have stopped him and his hungry mouth? He backed you against the wall and pressed you into it, hard. Before he had registered it, his hands were pushing up the fabric of your dress and you moaned, sounding so beautiful he could barely believe it. One of his thighs forced its way between your legs while he gripped your waist like his life depended on it.

But then, just as rapidly you had begun to kiss him, you pushed him away. His lungs felt tight when he noticed the affliction and confusion on your face. He wished he could make it go away. But he had caused it, so now his presence only made things worse.

“No- no, I change my mind. This is fucking stupid,” you said. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Y/N,” he said in a gentle tone. Somehow, it seemed that his careful voice hurt you most of all.

“I think we should stop. All of this,” you said. He was beginning to shake his head in disbelief, but you cut him off. “We said there wouldn’t be jealousy, but there obviously is. We should have stopped long ago.”

“But what about starting the game again, from the beginning?” he asked, too afraid of what you would say to even look at you. If you were going to rip out his heart you should have done so quickly, when he wasn’t paying too close attention.

“The game’s over. This is going over both of our heads,” you said. “I- I’m going to go home now.”

So this was heartbreak. H/N had never considered that it could be meant so literally. But he could swear that the muscle inside his chest was convulsing and shriveling as if you had stolen the blood that kept him alive right from his arteries. The pain was sharp like a thousand cuts had been inflicted on his skin, and he struggled for words like your words had taken every of his most elemental abilities.

“I’ll walk you home,” he said.

“No,” you said. “You’re drunk. You’re the one who could need someone to walk you home. And I don’t want you around me right now. Get home safely.”

That was it. No hug. No last, longing look. Just your words stabbing like knives and your ethereal beauty as you turned on your heel and walked from the room, leaving him behind, bleeding out by himself. What had he done?

[mid-weast]

Will you keep it down? | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: You and Jungkook attend the same university and have been neighbors for 3 months now. It drives you crazy that he plays loud music at 2AM, and it drives him crazy that you barely acknowledge his presence.

Pairing: Jungkook x Female!Reader; Black!Reader

Words: 2.6K

Genre: enemies to lovers, student!jungkook, student!reader, fluff, mention of smut, angst? (in the form of bickering back and forth).

Authors note: Hi hi! This is the first fic I’ve ever written so if it’s bad I’m sorry. Also it is unedited so if there's grammar / spelling mistakes I'm sorry again! Also this is catered toward the reader being Black but I hope it can be enjoyed by everyone. Thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated ok love u bye!

“Y/N? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!? Open this door RIGHT NOW!”

Even though you were studying in your room, his knocks were so loud you nearly jumped out of your skin. You had expected a reaction, but not a full-on explosion.

You and Jungkook have been apartment neighbors for about three months now, and a constant problem is that he blares his music hella loud late at night. Of course he’s a music major so he listens to music a lot, but at this point you don’t care. It doesn’t even seem like he’s working on composition homework anyway, just being an asshole with no regard for his neighbors peace. Now don’t get yourself wrong, you're not just some uptight bitch who complains about everything. Well, you do have several pet peeves but over the years of going to school in Korea you’ve picked and chosen your battles very wisely. In most cases you let things slide. You wouldn’t care at all about someone playing the music loudly, but it is 2 AM, and while you’re up studying you know a lot of your other neighbors are trying to sleep.

You tiptoe toward your front door and twist the knob slowly. You only open the door wide enough to be able to see his face. It’s not that you’re scared that you’re in danger or anything, and you rarely back down from people giving you a hard time. But you were tired, wearing a big ass t- shirt and short shorts (your regular sleep attire), and it was late at night. So if anything was going to pop off you felt pretty vulnerable. Even though you’re the same age, he towers over you and you find his size kinda intimidating.

As usual, you have to crane your neck to see his face, and your view of him is limited by the narrowness in which

you opened the door.

“Can I help you, lil boy?”

From what you can see of him, right away you can tell that he is pissed. Dawning his usual attire of a black sweatshirt with the hood up, black sweats, and stomp a hoe boots, he stood extremely close to your apartment door with his arms crossed. His usually wide, puppy dog eyes are now pressed in narrow slits. His normally pouty lips are formed in a hard line, and his jaw is so clenched you could carve an ice sculpture with his jawline.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You called the cops on me? Are you INSANE???" Jungkook shouts.

Obviously he's mad, and despite the amount of times you've gone back and forth he's never raised your voice at you. The old you would have screamed back at him, but over time you've tried to respond to anger with calmness. Also, you were a little scared because this mf is kind of big.

"I already told you if you keep blaring your music at 2AM, I was going to do something about it!" You respond in a hushed whisper, slightly concerned that your elderly neighbors will be even more disturbed by the noise. "I've told you this a million times, and you barely do anything about it. If anything, it's gotten worse like you're doing it on purpose. People are trying to sleep and I'm trying to study, why is this so hard for you to understand?"

He sucks his teeth. "You're such a little snitch. And I've already told YOU that YOU can't tell me what to do."

"I know I can't...but they can," you nod toward the exit, referring to the police officers that most likely just left out that way with a tiny smirk growing on your face.

If it was possible, he clenched his jaw even harder and you think that he's going to pop a blood vessel. He pushes his way into your apartment, which sends you stumbling back and you grab the door handle to regain your balance. This causes you to close the door shut.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're-"

He steps right up to you and leans down into your face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, seriously??? Why are you such an annoying little brat? Just because you're a nerd with no friends who gets no play doesn't mean you can take your bitterness out on me.”

You have to laugh in his face at this point because hello??? First of all, who is he talking to? Second of all, you have told him a BUNCH of times to turn his music down late at night. You didn't think that was too much to ask. As far as you were concerned, being aware of your noise level when you live in an apartment is the universal bare minimum for being a human being.

"ME? Who do you think YOU are? Actually let me tell you. You're an entitled little rich boy who thinks he runs the world. I don't give a fuck about how popular you are on campus, how many people fall at your feet to be around you, and how many hoes you have, you cant talk to ME like that. And how are you going to try and tell me about myself when it's too much of a task for you to be a decent neighbor? I've never done anything to blatantly bother you, so why can you just.." You started to panic because usually when you raise your voice out of anger, your voice cracks and tears threaten to pool out of your eyes, but you tried to get a grip and not back down..."why can you just be nice to me so we can live in peace? Is that too hard for you???"

He looked kind of taken aback by your question. Being nice to you? It never crossed his mind. Also, you kind of had a point. When the semester started and you both moved in on the same day, you would shoot him a small, friendly smile in passing but you never seemed interested in getting to know him. He always wondered why that was. It's not that he had a problem talking with girls, since all he had to do was breathe and girls would come flocking around him, but you would flat out ignore him. Even at all the major parties at the beginning of the year and on Thursday nights when students take over the clubs in the city, you'd barely even acknowledge him. He KNEW that you had seen him too, since you would make eye contact, but you acted like he was just another guy at the club.

And he'd be lying if he said you weren't fine. You had thick thighs, a beautiful face, nice curves, and always wore outfits that hugged you in the right places. He always wondered what it would feel like to wrap his arms around your body and press it against his own. He would constantly sneak peaks of you throughout the night at the club, but something stirred in him when he saw that you were chatting up other guys. Was he...jealous? Jealous that you were so eager to pay attention to these dudes who, in his opinion, were decent looking but they were nowhere near his level, and you never even gave him a second thought? One night he even saw you leaving with a man he knew through mutual friends, and he had to physically stop himself from breaking the glass he was holding, because that guy, while objectively handsome, was nothing compared to him. Jungkook wasn't blatantly cocky, but he let his talent, charm, and looks speak for themselves. He was THEE Jeon Jungkook, and nothing ever really bothered him....except you.

Was he....interested in you? Nah, that can't be it. You were some random chick who happened to be his neighbor, who also is one of the only girls he's met that doesn't give two fucks about even having small talk with him, and that infuriated him for some reason. So the first time you came knocking on his door in an adorable pink satin pajama set with a matching bonnet complaining about his loud music, he knew the game he had to play.

He's still standing over you, centimeters away from you face, but you notice that his eyes soften a little and so does his jaw. He unclenches the fists he was holding crossed against his chest

You continue, “I don't care what you do, and I'm DEFINITELY trying to run your messy ass life. Believe me," you scoff, "you don't have enough money to pay me to do that. But when your dickhole behavior fucks with MY life is when it's a problem. And it's BEEN a problem."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, little girl, maybe I should call you little mouse now, since now I know that you'll go squeaking to the cops now, don't fuck with me or my music again.”

Without moving your head you look him up and down with a confused expression. "Am I supposed to be scared of you? No seriously, you look like you cry during Disney movies while wearing footie pajamas, and now here you are throwing a fit because I forced you to stop bothering the entire wing with your music?"

Girl...what are you saying??? This man just barged into YOUR place, is in your face, and is strong enough to pick you up and throw you, and you’re insulting him? But you figured if he's going to be rude, you'll throw it right back because you're tired of his bullshit.

Whatever softness he was feeling for a fleeting moment immediately left, and annoyance once again washed over. He straightens up a bit and puts on that annoying confident smirk he wears when he thinks he's won arguments between you two.

"You should be nicer to me, all it will take is for me to tweet one thing about you, and you'll be the most hated person on campus."

At this point, any suspicions that you had about him annoying you on purpose were confirmed. You've concluded that this mf is a bully and you, small and shy but not one to take mess, will put him in his place to-motherfucking-night.

You take a step toward him, now crossing your arms tightly against your chest, but he doesn't even move a hair backwards.

"Clearly you need a rude awakening so here it is. I don't know what type of people you've dealt with all your life, always saying yes to you, letting you boss them around and taking whatever bullshit you dish out, but let me tell you I am not the one. Never have been and never will be. Unlike the other fools around here who cream their pants at the mention of your name, I don't care about who you are. You'll respect ME and MY peace as long as we're neighbors, you get me?"

Now y/n, you have never so boldly stood up to someone, where did that come from, babes? You've tried to not let this entitled little boy get to you this whole time, but with him standing in front of you in the middle of your apartment with that extremely annoying, yet handsome, smirk on his face, and after all the crap he's said tonight, he had you all the way fucked up.

After you said that, he just laughed and looked away. Now you’re standing there fuming and confused...was there a joke you missed? You were being dead serious!

"Something funny?" you ask, narrowing your eyes.

"Nothing, just thinking about how I want to face fuck that annoying little mouth of yours so you finally shut up.”

Your jaw almost dropped to the floor. You've never had a guy say something so blatantly rude and vulgar literally inches away from your face. But again, you weren't going to back down.

"Oh really?" Scoffing and tilting your head to the side a bit while narrowing your eyes even more, "I'd very much like to do the same. Maybe then you'll learn your place."

"Oh please, princess, you probably blanch when someone around you even mentions the word sex." He chuckles and leans down close toward your face again and cocks his head to the side, scrunching his nose and in a pouty voice said, "you're fooling no one, but keep trying, maybe you'll get there.”

You're even more annoyed than you were before, if that was even possible. But if he wanted to play this game, you might as well go there with him. It's true, you were a bit more prudent than more, but it pissed you off that he could tell. Regardless, you do know some things to say that could have him leaving with his tail between his legs.

You pouted your lips and in a babying tone said, “Aww sweetheart you have no idea. You think you're big and bad but like I said, you probably cry watching Disney movies. The same way you'd be crying, begging me to let you cum down my throat as I mercilessly toy with your cock for hours.”

Now it's his turn to go pale. Y/n, his stuck up neighbor who has barely even spared him five seconds of her time just threatened to edge him into submission? He has to pinch himself because he must be dreaming....

“Well I-“

“But I don't even think we’d make it that far, hun” you continue, “because in order to humble your egotistical, disrespectful ass, I'm gonna have to ride your face until you suffocate. And when the paramedics come and I have to explain how you died, I won't even hesitate to tell them that you were a punk ass loser who LITERALLY drowned in my pussy!”

You don’t know who this person speaking is, but it is not you. All of the pent up hostility you’ve held towards him just flooded out of you and you couldn’t stop the words from coming out. To be honest you shocked yourself, but you still stood there with your arms crossed and your face unfaltering, just waiting for him to say something smart back.

He stared at you silently, eyes wider than you’ve seen before and his mouth hung slightly open. He wasn’t expecting you to respond with so much fire, but now he wouldn’t be able to sleep until the image you painted came true. His brain said fuck it, and his lips crashed down onto yours. The kiss is sloppy but passionate, and you swore you heard him quietly whimper.

When he feels you starting to kiss back, he smirks into the kiss. Your lips are moving against each other in tandem, and all thoughts about how much you despise the prick fades away. As you uncrossed your arms and placed them on his chest, you could feel his heart beating wildly. Was he as nervous as you were this whole time? You wonder. You knew he was a player, so he was experienced. But the thought that you made him nervous gave you a tiny confidence boost. His hands slowly slide up the sides of your body to sneak behind your back, to pull you further into his chest. As much as your brain was telling you to resist him and push him away, you couldn't help but fall victim to how soft his lips felt against yours. Suddenly you feel airborne as he swiftly reaches down behind your thighs and picks you up. You instinctively gasp but he doesn’t miss a beat, simply biting your lower lip and locking your lips together again.

“Maybe we should test that scenario of yours, and if it comes true, that wouldn’t be the worst way for me to go” he says, doing that annoying but soul-crushingly handsome smirk he likes to wear as he carries you off to your bedroom.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Red

Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3680

Warnings: Kink and trauma. You know, in case you forgot whose blog you were on! Night terrors. Non-graphic flashbacks to violence, very graphic smut. Bucky’s head is just not a very fun place? References to brainwashing and torture. Kink discovery, including some hitting/slapping during sex and some power/control fantasies, all within the context of a very happy relationship. It goes down dark but there’s a distinctly soft aftertaste. 

A/N: For @cockslut-padalecki and her Decade Under The Influence challenge. My prompt was “The Crimson” by Atreyu. Thanks for always hosting the absolute best challenges, and congrats on the milestone! 

Pre-reads by @thoughtslikeaminefield @mskathywriteswords and @fangirlxwritesx67​. Inspiration from that scene where Sebastian Stan gets slapped. You know the one I mean. 

The companion fic to this will be coming soon! It’s significantly darker and way outside my wheelhouse, but please let me know if you want a tag. 

The Soldier stalks silently down the hallway to the bedroom, scanning the shadows. 

The closet. 

Something itches, deep under the ice: knowledge that closets are for hiding — 

— a small girl, giggling in the back corner of the closet — 

— ready or not, here I come — 

— but those frozen things don’t belong to the Soldier. 

He opens the door and finds the woman on the floor, trying to hide in the darkness. He picks her up by the throat. Moonlight from the open window glints off her wide eyes and the Soldier’s metal hand. She fights back, clawing at his arm uselessly. 

He waits for her to stop struggling. They always do. 

Bucky opens his eyes and bolts upright, gritting his teeth against the sweaty, shivery wave of nausea. 

It takes a moment for the numbing chill of the Soldier’s memory to fade. 

He knows it’s a memory. He lost so many things in the deep emptiness of cryo-sleep, but he couldn’t bury them forever, and now they claw their way out while he dreams. The darkness gives him back his life, one nightmare at a time. 

Sometimes he wakes up screaming. Sometimes he wakes up convinced that the bed under him is soaked with blood, and it takes a few awful seconds to realize that he just sweated through the sheets. Other times he’s paralyzed in the darkness, convinced he’s back in the cryo chamber, and he wants to punch and claw and fight his way out, wants to see the sun again, but he tried that one too many times — he learned his lesson about wanting things. 

At least he didn’t wake her this time. She makes a breathy sound as she stirs, but she’s still sound asleep, and when he inspects his hands in the glow of her night light, there’s no trace of red. 

She got the light about two months ago, when he started sleeping over. She didn’t ask him, didn’t mention it — he would’ve been embarrassed, if she asked, but it helps. She helps. 

He’s goddamn crazy about her. It hasn’t been long, but he knows this is it for him. 

Bucky curls up facing her. Her hair is a mess, and there’s a damp patch of drool on the pillow under her slack mouth, and she’s beautiful. It’s amazing that she trusts him enough to fall asleep next to him. 

He closes his eyes. This time he doesn’t dream.

The end credits of the movie start to scroll down the screen, and she makes a grumbling noise that means she doesn’t want to get up and turn the TV off. Her little apartment is full of the rich smell of whatever she’s got in the oven, and the day has been so sweetly domestic that Bucky wonders when everything will start to twist and distort and go bloody. He must be hallucinating. 

But the hallucinations always had a sort of airbrushed quality to them when they started, an inhuman perfection that felt easy, like he was floating. Right now his stomach is growling, and when she shifts, her elbow digs into his side, and she’s a heavy comforting warmth on top of him. 

The hallucinations were the product of his own brain, which might be why they came back all too quickly when he started to recover his memories. Even when he couldn’t remember his sisters’ faces, he remembered the drug-fueled torture that took place behind his closed eyelids, scenes that started like fantasies and ended like nightmares. 

Most memories from before the fall are weak and hazy, sepia-toned afterimages that overlay the living world like ghosts. Other things bleed through the decades, making it hard to keep track of whose memories he’s seeing. The Soldier’s memories are always sharp and cold, and they’re the hardest to shake off. Sometimes they’re triggered by the present, and it’s always a surprise; he’s stepping into a crosswalk and the past is washing over him like — 

The water from the hose is freezing cold as the handler rinses off the blood — 

— and he’s still staring down at the slushy puddle, but — 

— the Soldier keeps his eyes down, clenching his jaw to stop his teeth from chattering, watching the red swirl over the cold cracked tile and disappear down the drain, and — 

Bucky has to fight to hold on to the honking taxis and the Brooklyn stink, because the cryo chamber is quiet like a coffin in the last few seconds before he’s frozen into unconsciousness, and — 

— and sometimes he feels frozen even when the dreams dissolve, even when he knows they’re only dreams. 

The frigid paralysis was mental more than physical, for the Soldier, and that’s a hard thing to shake. The raw human parts of him iced over, head and heart numb while his body carried on following orders. 

She sits up and stretches, making her shirt ride up, and he notices bruises on her hips, wrapping around the side. 

“Did I do that?” he asks, voice thin. 

She looks down like she didn’t notice. “Probably.” 

He tugs the waistband of her yoga pants down a little and finds the shape of a handprint, stained purple. She twists to show him a matching set on the other side. They’re more defined on the side he was gripping with his metal hand last night. He feels cold all over. 

“Sorry.” 

“No biggie.” 

He’s too scared to meet her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never hurt you.” 

“What if I asked you to?” she tosses back, playful and easy. 

Bucky doesn’t know how to react to that. He can’t let her see how badly he wants that, so he just freezes like a deer in headlights, forcing himself to go still, to shut down, to say nothing.  

“Whoa, hey, don’t do that,” she says, and she moves into his space slowly, deliberately, giving him time to tell her to stop. He blinks at her, and she smiles, soothing. 

He spent the first month of their relationship waiting for her to turn and run. It’s gotten better, but… 

“Why the hell do you trust me?” he blurts out. 

She frowns, and hesitates, and he wants to reach up and smooth out the little frown line that forms between her eyebrows, but he doesn’t. She curls up against him and kisses his jaw. 

“Would you ever choose to hurt me?” she asks. 

“No.” 

“There you go.” He feels the movement when she shrugs, as if it’s that easy. “You control your choices. That’s it.” 

“But I —” 

“No buts,” she interrupts, and her voice is firm. “I choose to trust you and you don’t get to talk me out of it.” 

Bucky lets out a huff of not-quite-laughter at that. She’s stubborn as hell when she wants to be, and he knows better than to argue. 

“Okay,” he says, and wraps his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. She settles closer, her breath a warm damp tickle against the side of his neck. 

His body used to be a weapon. 

“You can’t blame yourself for things that are out of your control,” she mumbles, as if she heard him. 

He takes a deep breath and says it again: “Okay.” 

He can see her reflection in the mirror; she bites her lip, teeth white against her bright red lipstick, trying to hold back, but the whimpers are getting louder by the second as he fucks her harder. She’s bracing herself with her forearms on the sink, her entire body shaking with each sharp thrust. 

“Shhhh,” Bucky says, half-laughing, but he doesn’t slow down. 

He’s pretty sure this was her plan all along. They barely made it an hour into the party before she tugged him into the bathroom, and usually he would protest, but he’s been half-hard since he first saw her in that damn outfit. 

She opened the door earlier looking like a pinup, complete with glossy curls and red lips and this dress: flared skirt, nipped-in waist, curves threatening to spill over the scooped-low neckline. He had just stuttered for a few seconds as a wisp of memory cast a sepia glow over her pleased smile. 

He used to have a dog-eared print of one of those calendar girls, and it was tame compared to some that were carried to war, but there was something warm in her smile that made him hold onto it. He used to daydream about her waiting at home, welcoming him at the door, when everything else was heavy and grey. He used to look at her smile when he couldn’t bear to close his eyes, knowing he’d only see blood. They took it when he was captured, of course, but he used to imagine — 

— this, he used to imagine this, the way the skirt is rucked up around her hips and she’s bent at the waist, the way she stretches open around the shiny-wet length of his cock. 

He has a flash of certainty that this is just a fantasy, something he’s imagining desperately as he fucks his own fist and tries not to make a sound, pressing his other palm to his mouth to muffle his labored breathing. He’s picturing this so vividly that when he opens his eyes and sees the stars, framed by the caved-in ceiling of another bombed-out shell of a building, he’ll have to fight back tears of disappointment. 

The sight of her face in the mirror is utterly pornographic, threatening to send him over the edge too soon, but when he looks down, he can see the way her ass bounces and jiggles as she shoves herself back to meet each thrust, and that’s goddamn obscene too. Bucky’s imagination has never been this good. 

She’s so close, too close to stay silent, and just as she lets out a high-pitched, keening moan, there are footsteps right outside the door. 

He reacts instinctively, before he can think better of it; he slaps his hand over her mouth, muffling the sound against his palm — the metal one, he realizes, a split-second too late. 

Their eyes meet in the mirror for one wild heartbeat. Her skin looks dangerously soft under silver fingers that could so easily break the fragile jawbone they grip. 

Then her eyes roll back in her head, and her orgasm blindsides both of them with its intensity. If he wasn’t silencing her, she would’ve shouted, he’s pretty sure; she spasms violently against his grip, writhing like she’s trying to shake him off, and — 

— he imagines her struggling, fighting back, until he pins her against the wall and — 

— it hits him like a gut-punch. He doubles over, curling himself around her as he comes with a rough shocked grunt, and the white-out lightning-bolt electroshock feel of it is so incredible he forgets, for a few seconds; he just buries his face in those curls and kisses the nape of her neck. 

He straightens up and realizes her lipstick is smeared over the metal hand, deep crimson red. 

“God, we’re a mess,” she laughs breathlessly. She turns to kiss him, eyes sparkling, and then they have to clean up, put themselves back together, and he brushes it off. 

It was probably a memory, a ghost whose features he confused with hers in one fevered second. Unwanted memories — 

— dreams — flashbacks — fantasies — hallucinations — 

— invade his reality every day. 

It didn’t feel like a memory, though. 

She smiles, and there’s no doubt in his mind that the smile is real, so Bucky swallows his guilt and smiles back. Her hand is warm in his. 

There’s a knife in his hand and blood on the floor. 

It’s messy, but those were his orders. Easier to frame the mistress this way. At least the carving knife was sharp. Red drips down the blade onto the metal fingers.  

He’s about to place it next to the corpse when he hears the gasp. The mistress had been asleep four minutes ago, but people are unpredictable that way. 

Messy. 

The Soldier pivots, finds her standing in the doorway, hand over her mouth, eyes wide. She’s paralyzed by fear, like a deer in headlights as he stalks closer. Usually they run. Sometimes they fight back. This one just stares. 

“I won’t say anything,” she whispers. “I didn’t see —” He grabs her wrist, and she shrieks, trying to twist away, until he pins her against the wall and holds her in place. Tears start to roll down her cheeks. “No, please, I’ll do anything you want — just don’t kill me! You can — anything, I promise, I won’t struggle! Do you want —” 

“Want” is buried deep under the ice. “Want” is for bodies that are warm and soft and human. The Soldier is a weapon.

He presses the knife into her hand and forces her fingers to close around the handle. She was supposed to be asleep. 

She’ll be blamed, one way or another, but maybe it’s better this way. Cleaner. 

No witnesses. It’s an order. 

Bucky wakes up. He’s trembling, sitting up with his hands twisted in the sheets, but it’s not as bad as it could be. She’s sitting up next to him, one gentle hand on his chest as she watches with wide sad eyes. 

“Sorry,” he chokes out. “Fuck, I hate waking you up.” 

“Almost time anyway,” she says, which is when he realizes that it’s morning. Sunlight is streaming in through the sheer curtains. He settles back against the headboard, taking it in. They’re both naked, with her big downy comforter around their waists, and the residual chill of memory thaws immediately in the cozy warmth of her bed. 

She leans in hesitantly and brushes her lips against his. He can read the worry plain on her face — she doesn’t know what he needs right now — but he tugs her onto his lap, tilts his head back, mouth opening easily under hers for slow lazy kisses that stretch like taffy and then turn deep and dirty. She swears like a sailor as she sinks down slowly onto his cock. 

Christ, she’s gorgeous. 

It must be real. He could never hallucinate something so flawed and incredible as the way she looks naked, the stretch marks under his palms, the calluses on her fingers when she cups his jaw, the way she moans when he plants his feet on the bed and fucks up into her. 

She’s flushed and dewy with sweat, moaning in the sharp bitten-off way that means he found just the right angle, and her thighs are shaking hard enough that he has to grip her hips and hold her steady. He can feel her starting to get close, clenching and flooded around him, when her alarm goes off. 

“Cocksucking motherfucker,” she snarls. 

They both look helplessly at the phone, just out of easy reach on the nightstand. Bucky’s tempted to just ignore it, but she’s already leaning over. She twists at the waist but doesn’t stop rocking her hips down against him, squeezing in little pulses like she can’t help herself, so he settles her more firmly on his lap, holding her weight and anchoring her as she reaches for it. He works his right hand down between them, an awkward angle that’s totally worth it when he can rub her clit with the pad of his thumb and feel her spasm around his cock. 

“Five more minutes,” he suggests breathlessly. 

“Not gonna need that long if you keep doing that.” She trembles and almost collapses before finally grabbing the phone, and she hits the snooze button immediately. 

He’s already rolling his hips, grinding in deep, and he must hit something just right at the same moment she starts to straighten up; it makes her twitch, jerking uncontrollably against him as she moves, and her elbow cracks across his jaw, snapping his head to the side hard enough to rattle his teeth. 

“Shit!” she hisses, and then: “I’m so sorry, I — are you —” 

But the rough throb of pain hit like a swell of heat in Bucky’s gut, making him jerk up into her and shudder with pleasure. He lets his head loll, taking a deep heaving breath and letting it out as a moan. 

It’s not until he tilts his head back to look at her stunned face that he realizes what just happened. His cheeks burn but she doesn’t look disgusted; her eyes go all heavy-lidded and she bites her lip as she starts to ride him again, swiveling her hips. 

He’s opening his mouth to make some excuse, to deny it, when she leans in for a bruising kiss: teeth scraping his lower lip, a whimper rough in her throat, cunt silky-hot and soaked, so good his head is spinning. 

Then she asks raggedly, “Do you want me to do that again?” 

Without even thinking about it, he blurts out, “Yes.” 

Her palm connects with his cheek, a sharp sting that draws a guttural sound from deep in his chest. He moves on pure primal instinct, gripping her hips to slam her down on his cock. 

From there it’s rough and frantic and desperate. He’s only dimly aware of the way she moans, bucking against him, the way they’re moving against each other like animals, the way she bites his lip so hard he tastes copper and then he’s gone, coming so hard his vision goes white with the first intense pulses of it. She shudders as she follows him, riding out the shocks of pleasure with her forehead pressed to his and her hands in his hair. 

He shivers against her, breath hitching as reality washes in like ice water. 

“I can feel you freaking out,” she mumbles. “What, they didn’t have kink in the thirties?”

It surprises Bucky enough that he lets out a huff of laughter. “No. Not exactly.” 

“Why is this freaking you out?” 

He stutters for a second before he manages, “What’s wrong with me?” 

She sits up and looks at him intently. “Fucking nothing.” 

“That should be the last thing I want,” Bucky mutters, cheeks burning. 

“That’s not how it works,” she snaps. “Sex isn’t — it doesn’t always make sense. It’s messy.” 

“I’ve had enough of hurting people for a fuckin’ lifetime.” 

There’s something vulnerable in her sheepish half-smile. “Sometimes your body likes shit it shouldn’t. You can’t control what gets you off. Believe me, sweetheart.” 

He blinks, ready to question that, and she leans in for a quick kiss. As if on cue, her alarm goes off again. 

“Fuck.” 

“I gotta go,” she says reluctantly. “But later — later we’re going to talk about some things. Okay?” 

He doesn’t say it out loud, but he thinks it very clearly in that moment: I love you. 

“Okay.” 

The Soldier pins her brutally against the wall, one hand around her wrists, the other around her throat. He doesn’t squeeze, not yet, just holds her there and savors the thrill; she’s writhing and lashing out at him like a caged animal, but he’s got her and she knows it. 

It’s beautiful, the way she snarls and tries to struggle. 

He wants —

 — so this must be a normal dream, not a memory, but — 

— he wants to fuck her just like this, up against the wall, and —

— his hips jerk and his cock throbs, and — 

— fuck, he wants her. 

“Baby?” Her voice comes out as a sleep-slurred moan. 

He tries to blink away the dream, but instead he’s rolling over and pinning her, rocking his hips down before he can stop himself. She sucks in a breath, spreading her legs to meet the next slow thrust, and she blinks dazedly up at him, mouth dropping open as they rut against each other. 

“What was it?” she asks, raspy and heated. 

He lets out a pained sound and drops his head, hunching to bury his face in the crook of her neck. He’s so goddamn hard, so close, all over a fucked-up dream, and — 

“I was holding you — up against the wall. Your wrists.” 

“Yeah?” she says, voice smoky and eager. “Remember what we talked about?” 

“Traffic lights. Red if you want me to stop.” 

“Do it.”  

Oh. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Fuck yes.” 

He snatches her wrists and crosses them over her head, watching the way her lashes flutter at the touch of metal, the way she bites her lip. She shifts under him, squirming until the length of him is slotted up against her slickness and her legs are up around his hips. 

He slides in slow, relishing every inch, her body welcoming him with living dripping heat. She arches up, and he adjusts his grip on her wrists, squeezing slightly as he braces himself. All he wants in the entire damn universe is to drive into her, piston his hips until she’s screaming, but he starts to fuck her with steady even thrusts, holding back, trying to let go of the last lingering doubts. 

“Doesn’t this scare you?” Bucky asks hoarsely. “That you’re trapped.” 

She lets out a moan that sure as hell doesn’t sound like fear. This isn’t a dream any more, but it still feels surreal. 

“Yellow,” she says.  

“Shit. What’s wrong?” He tries to pull away, but she’s got her ankles hooked, keeping him in place with her legs. He lets go of her wrists, at least, and hauls in a deep breath, trying to make sense of that fierce expression on her face. 

“Nothing. I just wanted you to see that you’re in control. You chose to stop.” 

He swallows hard. “Yeah. I did.” 

“Stop punishing your body for wanting this,” she says. 

His breath catches, and for a moment all he can do is stare. She gives him a smile so soft it threatens to rip him open.

Then he curls his fingers around her wrists again — they’re still crossed, right where he left them. He waits for her nod. 

“Green.” 

Companion fic is here. 

[harrywritingsbyme]

Resolutions

Based Off Of This Ask

And This One

A/N: So this was going to be the second theme/element to my New Years fic a couple weeks ago!! And I just wanted to write some filth tonight…it’s crazy hot and just filthy!! Anddd I’m adding this one to A Series of Firsts!! Enjoy🙃

4.3k wordsss

Harry wasn’t afraid to test the limits and explore when it came to pleasure. He wanted to learn about and explore the different parts of his pleasure so that he could really know what made him feel good and what would give him that euphoric high he craved when it came to his releases. He was always willing to try something in the bedroom (or in the car or bathroom or backyard...you and Harry went at it all over the place), even if it was just once. That is, anything that didn’t involve sharing; he was a bit selfish when it came to having you. Which speaking of you, Harry consider himself to be the luckiest man in the world. Not only were you the sweetest person he’d ever come across, you were also a minx that could to the smallest thing ever and get him riled up for days. You also had this innocence that captivated and drew him to you. 

Since Harry was a bit older and you were pretty inexperienced in the bedroom, Harry assumed the role of teacher and guided you through your own pleasure and helped you find the things you loved and didn’t love. And in teaching and making you feel amazing, Harry’s pleasure reached new levels. Despite the fact that you followed his lead, you were able to transcend all of his expectations and ideas when it came to you pleasuring him. You were able to give him the euphoric high he loved, and in turn, make him crave you and that high even more. He felt incredibly lucky to have such a pretty little girlfriend who worked wonders when it came to pleasuring him. 

Now in you and Harry’s time together, you guys’ sex life was nothing short of eclectic and beyond fun and exciting . After the first six months of just getting to know each other and growing closer, eventually breaking the ice when it came to intimacy, you and Harry charged on full speed ahead. Things got rougher, which you quite enjoyed, and things also got more interesting. But even with exploring and having a very active sex life, there were still things that were just waiting to be explored by you and Harry. And there were still so many more things for Harry to teach you. No matter how good you sucked his cock or rode him, Harry would always be your teacher. He’d always be the one guiding you through your own and his pleasure. 

With that being said, Harry decided to sit down with you and create a set of New Years resolutions or goals for the bedroom. While he wasn’t afraid to try things, you were still learning and felt the exact same way. You wanted to explore and feel good and pleasure Harry even more. So when Harry brought up the idea of creating a list of things to try out in the bedroom in the new year, you were completely on board. The both of you were able to come up with a list of things that you two wanted to try out together. And by the end of it all, there was a very healthy amount of things on the list for the two of you to cross off in the new year. The two of you were really excited to try out everything on your lists, so excited that the two of you couldn’t help but push the lists aside and go at it right then and there. 

And when the new year came around, you and Harry didn’t waste any time diving right into the list. To start off, the two of you ordered two of the toys that were on you guys’ list. There was so much excitement on you and Harry’s end and neither of you could wait until they arrived in the mail so that the two of you could jump  right into using them. But since there would be a little wait for the toys, the two of you moved on to trying one of the new positions on the list. And thanks to Harry, this week the two of you would be on to another one. After a long day of work, you and Harry loved winding down in and around each other. After dinner and good conversation, the two of you whisked yourselves away to the bedroom to take care of the final “step” of you guys’ mission to wind down. 

The two of you were quick to lock your lips and fully undress each other. You were ripping each other’s clothes off while keeping your lips moving, the both of you desperate to pleasure one another and feel good. Again, you and Harry were constantly craving that euphoric high that came along with pleasuring each other. And this time was no different. Once the two of you were completely undressed, you made it to the bed where you’d be spending the rest of your night together. You and Harry were so wrapped up in each other, completely engulfed in how amazing the pleasure felt. Harry completely ravished you, taking you in so many positions, and changing the speed of his hips pushing his cock into you. One minuet he was quickly slamming himself into you and the next he was giving you slow but incredibly deep thrusts. He managed to make your head spin in the most amazing way possible. 

The way he crammed himself into you over and over again as he groaned into your mouth, above, or behind you was beyond incredible. He even wrapped a hand around your throat, making you work for every breath you took was astonishing. And when he didn’t, you were letting out strings of moans and whines from the pleasure you were receiving. You were also clawing at the sheets when you couldn’t dig your nails into his biceps or back. While you were falling apart over how full he made you feel, how deep he was pushing himself into you, and how he was taking you, Harry was obsessed with how amazing your cunt felt against his throbbing cock. He said this in the beginning and he vowed to keep saying it for as long as he possibly could, Harry was certain that your pussy was made for him. As cliche as it may have sounded, he was confident that your walls were designed just for him. He never failed to be in awe at how you engulfed his cock and took every pounding that came your way. On top of that, your walls were always warm and spongey and just perfect for his cock. It didn’t matter if he was pushing a finger or two into you, his tongue, or his entire cock, you never failed to be absolutely amazing to Harry. And because of your ability to never fail him, Harry made sure to give it all to you. Anything you wanted, he gave and let you have. 

In this first round alone, he took you in three different positions. You two started off with you on top of him, riding him and essentially tiring yourself out on his cock. After feverishly moving yourself on top of him and riling him up even more at how desperate and cute you were bouncing your little cunt on his cock, Harry was quick to pretty much toss you off of him and flip you into the position he wanted you in which was on your front where he pinned you down by your hips and just pumped his cock into you. As he did this you could hear his skin slapping against yours and you could hear his grunts and moans as he continued on. Eventually, after a while of full on mounting you from behind, Harry decided to flip you onto your back so that as he continued to take you and just destroy the area between your legs he watched you fall apart. And he figured by the way you were whining about how tingly and warm your body was feeling that you were getting closer and closer to your first release of the night. And he too could feel himself getting closer to the tipping point of his first release of the night as well. He could feel his body becoming a bit shakier and a warmth spreading through him as well. As he pistoned himself into you, Harry Had his hands firmly wrapped around your calves, pushing your legs apart and up to continue on. When he didn’t have a sturdy grip on your throat, Harry was pushing your legs up to keep your entrance easily accessible to him. At one point, he had his arms wrapped around your legs, hugging them to his chest as he fucked into you. He’d even push up towards your chest a bit so that he could hear you whine a little louder.

Everything, whether it was Harry’s filthy words to you or your moans or Harry’s thrusts or your movements against him, all contributed to the mountain of pleasure that had formed and was ready to explode inside of you both. It had been growing and growing all the way up to this moment. After reaching the very edge, your legs were trembling and Harry had laid himself on top of you, mouthing at the sensitive area of your neck as your clawed at and dug the heels of your feet into his back. The two of you were dying to just let go and experience that tidal wave and euphoric high that came from letting go. And after holding it all the way down to the last second, the two of you finally let go. It was like a bubble of euphoria bursted and showered you two with the high that was craved. The two of you too drained in that moment to even move a muscle as you continued to enjoy the intense shocks and aftershocks of your releases. 

Now this is where the next part of you guys’ list of bedroom New Years resolutions came into play. After about fifteen minuets of laying there trying to gain back some feeling in your bodies, Harry’s mind began to wander over to that one position he’d been dying to try. To not over complicate it, Harry wanted to sit on your face. The same way you rode his face and brought your cunt to his mouth, Harry wanted to do the same thing and bring his cock up to your mouth. He loved having your mouth on him and he knew that you could really work your mouth on his cock, his balls, and his tight entrance. He couldn’t take his mind off of doing this with you. He loved it so much that his cock began to harden inside of you, causing you to begin to stir a bit below him. After a few more minuets, finally regaining most of his feeling, Harry pulls himself from on top of you and pulls your hips up so that your lower half would be resting in his lap so that you could keep his cock inside.

“Can I have your mouth this time daddy?” You mumble sweetly, feeling your clit beginning to buzz again. 

“Want daddy’s mouth on your pretty little peach baby?” He replies, resting a hand on your lower stomach where he’d pumped all of his cum beforehand. 

“Mhm, s’so good.” You moan happily.

“Actually, daddy had another idea sweet girl.” He begins, bringing his hands to your thighs to give the flesh in the area a good squeeze. 

“What is it?” You ask confusedly, opening your eyes to look up at him. 

“Well I was thinking that we could knock another one of those resolutions we made off our list.” He replies vaguely, digging his fingers into your sensitive thighs.

“Which one is it daddy?” You press on, wanting to know what you were going to do next. 

“It’s one of the new positions we wanted to try.” He proposes. “And don’t worry sweets, you don’t have to do any work.” He quickly adds in, knowing how tired your mind and body were right now. 

“That sounds like fun, what’s the position?” You ask. 

“I wanna sit on your face.” He replies bluntly, causing your eyes to widen.

“Really?” You ask softly, wanting to make sure you heard him correctly. 

“Mhm. Wanna do it?” He asks excitedly, hoping that you’d say yes. 

“I’d love to do it daddy.” You reply, mirroring his excitement. You loved when he fucked your face and when you were able to lick around and play with him down there so it was like the best of both worlds. You’d never tried it before but you were incredibly excited to. 

 As soon as you agree, Harry leans down to press a couple of quick and giddy kisses to your lips before slowly pulling himself back and out of your heavily cum stained walls. He then moves out from between your legs, inching up your body a bit before straddling your body and moving his way up to your face. As he does, you watch his cock twitch in excitement. Seeing this sent a shock right to your center, and made you want to just wrap your hand around him and take him into your mouth. So you did. When he was really close to your face, you wrapped your hand around his shaft and lifted your head a little to take the incredibly swollen head of his cock into your mouth and you began sucking on him, causing Harry to immediately stop in his tracks and enjoy this pleasure from you. Figuring that you’d essentially be a bit powerless once he’s fully on top you, you decided to take a little control in this moment and work a little bit of your magic. When it came to your mouth and and hands, you knew how to work him. You twisted your hand perfectly around his shaft and tightened it perfectly and tugged so well as you sucked on his head and pushed the tip of your tongue down against his slit. After giving him a good suck and tug, you let go of Harry’s cock, allowing him to move the rest of the way up. 

“I can tell someone’s excited.” He chuckles, gaining a little hum yes from you in response. Since you weren’t close to the headboard, Harry was able to really ride your face and have control over the entire situation. “You ready doll?” He asks once he’s positioned on top of your face, wanting to make sure you were ready for him.

“Yes daddy.” You reply sweetly, so ready to do this with him. 

“Good girl.” He breathes out as he spreads his thighs over your face and sinks down onto your open mouth. As he does this, he watches as you dart your tongue out and let his large cock glide against your tongue and down into your warm and wet mouth. “Fuck!” He groans, tightly gripping onto the sheets below him as he continues to cram himself into your mouth. He was so big that in no time you were gagging around him and reaching your arms up to claw at his hip a bit. “It’s okay baby, you can take it.” He moans, circling his hips around a bit to move his cock inside your mouth and throat. The familiar feeling of your throat contracting against his cock would never get old to Harry. He then lifts his cock up a bit so that you can breathe and he can start fucking your face. He begins to push himself back and forth into your mouth every once grinding down a bit further so that he should push into your throat a bit.

 As he fucks his cock down into you, you’re fully moaning and gagging around him, squeezing at his ass and balls as he stuffed and fucked your mouth. You could hear his moans and pants above you telling you how much of a good girl you are and how perfect your mouth is for him. You loved the way he was fucking down into you the same way he would if he was fucking you between your legs. Which speaking of between your legs, it was becoming harder and harder to hold Harry’s cum inside of you because of how turned on you were by him fucking your face. After thrusting into your mouth for a while longer and letting you slobber all over him for a bit, Harry sits back up from his hunched over position and pulls his cock from your mouth. As he empties your mouth, he can see the strings of your spit clinging to his cock and to your wet lips. 

“You did such a good job with m’cock that I just know you’re going to do even better with my ass.” He breathes down in your direction, tugging at his glistening shaft that was fully coated with your spit. “Right doll?”

“Yes daddy.” You smile up at him with watery eyes. You were beyond ready to suck on his balls and eat his ass until he came. Giving you a quick wink in response, Harry then moves himself up your face, keeping his eyes trained down to try and see where he was, making sure that his ass was right above your mouth. 

“Now I want you to spread daddy apart.” He instructs, waiting for you to follow this instruction before going any further. “Now I want you to eat my ass real good baby, I know you can do it.” He says when he feels you pulling his ass apart. And without saying anything more, Harry sinks down onto your mouth. 

You were all ready for him too. Not only did you spread him out nice and wide, you also stuck your tongue out so that once he sank down onto your mouth, you’d be able to start licking into him right away. And that’s exactly what you did. You wasted no time licking into him and moving your tongue around as Harry sank down onto your wet muscle. Your tongue was amazingly lapping up and down the expanse of his ass, at moments stopping to just to lick and prod at his puckered hole. As you continued licking into him, Harry was heavily breathing and moaning above you. There was no doubt in his mind that your tongue would be nothing short of amazing. But again, you transcended all expectation and made him feel even more incredible. So incredible that he began grinding down onto your tongue.  

“Such a good little slut, letting daddy use her face to make himself cum.” He pants, pushing himself back and forth against your tongue, pushing down a bit harder at times to feel your tongue glide against his puckered hole a bit harder. As he moves against you, Harry has a hand wrapped around his cock, tugging at his rock hard shaft and thumbing at his once again, throbbing head. Your tongue buried in his ass combined with the feeling of his hand tugging at his cock created a feeling that was indescribable. Harry was feeling so good that he began to bounce on your tongue. When you realized what he was doing, you pushed your tongue up and he began moving himself up and down on you, continuing to mess around with his cock. But eventually that stops. Ultimately, Harry lets go of his cock and brings his hands behind him so that he could grip onto your chest for leverage and just ride your face.

As he continues to alternate between bouncing and grinding on your tongue, Harry’s head is completely thrown back, heavy pants and groans and moans tumble out of his mouth, a veil of sweat begins to form on his chest that highlights all of his tattoos and muscles, and his cock just bounces and twitches in the air with his movements. It was a sight you desperately wished to see. You were absolutely going crazy below him. The way he was using your face to get himself off was undeniably and unbelievably hot. You couldn’t stop yourself from getting wetter and wetter. The area between your legs was a complete mess as of right now. It was a slick and sticky mixture of your growing arousal and Harry’s cum from round one. You were so turned on and tingly from all this that you couldn’t help but squirm a bit and whine against him. Riding your face unlocked and an almost primal instinct or feeling that was centered around his pleasure. All he cared about was getting himself off, not you getting turned on and needy. So when he heard you whining and feels your body moving around a bit, Harry stops his movements all together and pushes himself up your face a bit. In doing this, Harry is removing himself from your ass and practically smothering you with with his balls, stopping you from breathing through your mouth all together. 

“Make anymore noise and I won’t let you breathe until I cum. Got it?” He growls, tightly pressing his balls into your nose.

“Yes daddy!” You gasp, trying to catch your breath with the little bit of air you are being limited to.

“Good.” He pants, continuing to keep his balls pressed up against your nose. Even though your promised to be a good girl, Harry just enjoyed the feeling of your nose pressed right up against the middle of his sac while you heavily breathed below him and clenched your thighs and cunt as tight as possible. After holding his balls against you like this, he pulls back to let you breathe a bit before demanding you stick your tongue out for him to play with. He goes back to grinding back and forth, and bouncing on your tongue, falling right back into his incredibly pleasured trance. He though your tongue felt so fucking good buried in his ass. He was feeling so good that he could feel his second, and just as heavy release rumbling about in the pit of his stomach. 

Continuing on, Harry keeps moving himself against your mouth, desperately trying to push himself to his release. You could hear his moans become more strained and more like whines. So to be a good girl and help daddy cum, you begin to squeeze and rub at all the extremely sensitive points of Harry’s lower body. You rub and squeeze at his ass, you dig your gingers into the backs of his thighs, and you even push your hand up a bit more and you squeeze on his heavy balls.

 “This is the only thing your pretty little face is good for, letting me rub one out on it.” Harry groans as he nears his second release, really digging into your mouth and pushing his hole down onto your tongue. As he does this, Harry stares at his cock. His cock was all red, the head almost purple as he pushes himself to his release. “Want you t’slobber all over me now. Want my ass nice and wet.” He instructs you further. When you hear this and he stills on top of you and you go back to where you two started. You gather some of your spit onto his tongue and you just lap your wet tongue up and down his puckered hole. You even pull at his balls and push your head back a bit to quickly suck them into your mouth. 

And with that, Harry lets go for the second time of the night. But this time, he was completely out of control. His cock just started spurting his cum all over the place. He came on the pillows a bit before quickly lifting himself up so move and cum all over your face and in your mouth. As he moved though, Harry got a little cum in your hair and all over your face, continuing to cum. You could even feel his balls twitch a bit when he first started cumming. His poor slit was so sensitive and achey from how much hot cum was shooting from him. Once he was finally done letting go and emptying his balls, Harry had made a mess of some pillows, your hair, your face, and your mouth. His loud whines and groans and whimpers from his throbbing and incredibly euphoric second release. Harry then moves from on top of your face and begins to clean your cace up a bit.

“You were such a good girl for daddy. A perfect little fuck toy for my ass.” Harry hums proudly down at you, scooping up the drops of cum from your face and pushing them into his mouth. Once he’s cleaned you up a bit, he gives your cheeks a couple kisses before going back in between your legs and coaxes out another release from you. He manages to make you cum in less than ten minutes; that’s how riled up you were. All he did was circle his fingers around your clit and play with your nipples. That was all he did to make you go wild and cum again, making an even bigger mess between your legs and on the sheets. Now that the both of you had two releases a piece, Harry reaches over your completely dizzied out body to toss the cum stained pillows onto the floor before turning out the lights and getting you two under the covers and ready for bed. You two were nice and warm and his cock was nice and snug inside of you. And in no time the two of you were fast asleep.

If tonight was any type of foreshadowing to the year ahead, you and Harry were pretty confident that it was going to be absolutely amazing. 

Masterlist

[baroquebucky]

lover is a day

a/n: hi pals !! here is a sort of angsty but fluffy fic inspired by another cuco song ! i cant believe tfaws is over i miss them already :[ lyrics in bold ! srry for any typos </3

buckys mind is racing all the time, you’re there to slow him down

word count: 3.1k

masterlist

will you love this part of me?

Bucky tried his damn best to keep you out of the avenging part of his love. He never introduced you to the team, only telling Steve about you and Sam finding out because he stole Buckys phone and you just so happened to call him.

You saw the trends on Twitter, seeing the videos of your boyfriend easily take down seven men in a bar in madripoor. You tried your best to not watch it, knowing he wouldn’t want you to. Curiosity getting the best of you, you clicked the trend, mouth dropping as you saw the way he fought.

His eyes were cold, he moved like it was second nature to him, it was frightening to see how easy it came to him.

You jumped as your phone vibrated, an incoming call from bucky pausing the video. You hesitated before answering, putting on a bright smile and trying to forget what you had just seen.

“hi doll face” Bucky smiled, you heard the thumping of music in the background.

“hi buck, are you at a club?” You questioned, a smile on your face as he let out a sigh, rolling onto his back on the couch he was on.

“I’m at Sharon’s place, she has this whole museum club thing going on” he explained, your eyes wide at the mention of the agent.

“Sharon? like Steve Sharon? Sharon from shield?” You questioned, bucky smiled at your interest, nodding along to your words, quickly replying when he realized you weren’t on FaceTime.

Bucky kept you in the loop, not wanting you to get caught off guard if anything were to happen. He just made sure you were never in danger and no one knew about you, as much as he’d want to shout from the roof just how much he loved you.

“that’s the one, I’ll explain when i get back” he spoke calmly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands as he put you on speaker.

Bucky talked about some movie he wanted to watch, your mind drifting back to the video, your heart thumping in your ears.

“doll?” He asked, his voice echoing in you room.

“what, sorry i got distracted” you replied, trying to play it off. Bucky frowned, his heart sinking at the realization.

“you saw it” he spoke simply, moving to sit up on the couch again, his eyes focusing on the floor.

You wanted to lie, say you had no idea what he was talking about. But you couldn’t, mouth opening only to close seconds later.

“I never wanted you to see that part of me” he spoke, you stayed quiet, letting him talk.

“Doll, I’m not him anymore i promise” he hesisted, “Zemo made me do it and i didn’t think i would- i just im gonna go” he spoke, hanging up quickly, heart heavy.

Furthering my distance from you

Bucky was never the best at speaking his mind, always too caught up in his own thoughts to say what he felt, thinking it never mattered and he should keep to himself.

You texted him right after, telling him to please take care, that you loved him. He didn’t reply.

It wasn’t for another couple days when he came home, entering quietly trying to not wake you up in case you were asleep already.

He set his bags down softly, entering the room and expecting to find you curled up. Buckys heart raced as he looked up to see you staring at him with a smile on your face, getting off the bed quickly and throwing yourself onto him.

“i missed you so much james” you whispered, squeezing him slightly as your arms wrapped around him.

“y/n i-” he began, pushing you back softly. You let go reluctantly, knowing he wanted his space.

I’m okay as long as you keep me from going crazy

“Bucky, it’s okay” you replied, stopping him from going down a rabbit hole if you didn’t. You looked at him, the light from your bedside lamp only slightly illuminating the room.

“i know thats not you anymore, sometimes you have to do something’s to get stuff and i get that angel” you spoke, looking at him softly, slowly grabbing his hand and squeezing.

“i still love you bucky, with all my heart” you smiled, wishing you could see the way his cheeks flushed at your words.

He looked up from the floor, you could barely making out the way his lips turned up in a small smile.

“do you really?” He whispered, stepping closer so that your faces were only inches apart. You nodded, eyes flickering to his lips after a couple of seconds.

“I love you more doll” he replied, ears burning as you pulled him in for a kiss, holding the collar of his shirt to pull him closer.

You pulled away with a smile on your face, looking at him for a second before throwing your arms around him, holding him tightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around after a second, placing a kiss ontop of your head, never wanting to let you go.

You can’t get by with a lie

Bucky shot up, sweating and breathing heavy, looking over to see you stirring slightly at his movement.

“buck?” You mumbled, eyes still closed as you turned opening them slightly to reach for the super soldier. You placed a gentle hand on his vibranium one, looking at him with your fuzzy vision.

“nightmare?” you mumbled, sitting up and looking at him, his chest still heaving as he shook his head.

“no it- I’m fine” he spoke, “Cmon let’s get back to sleep” he smiled tightly but you shook your head, looking at him sternly.

“James we talked about this, please, talk to me angel” you looked at him, now fully awake and wanting to help bucky through his nightmares. He hesitated, sighing and fiddling with the edge of the blanket.

“okay” he nodded, heart racing as you helped him through his nightmare. You reminded him how he had changed, how he was a new person and he was trying his best to make amends.

“You’re okay, you’re here and you’re free” you spoke, hugging him tightly and stroking his arm soothingly. Bucky nodded, closing his eyes and focusing on your beating heart.

Funny thing about you is you read me pretty well

You clenched your fist, wanting to throw your laptop across the room as your work frustrated you once again. Your breathing was heavier and you let out a small sigh, not wanting to alert bucky.

After a couple more minutes you felt the tears pricking your eyes, squeezing them shut in hopes they would go away.

You got up quickly, heading toward the kitchen to get a drink of water, leaving bucky alone in the room. He turned to look at you, noting how fast you were walking and the way you were breathing shakily.

Bucky gave you a minute, waiting to see if you’d come back. When you didn’t return he followed you, seeing you staring out the cup in your hand with intense focus.

“doll, what’s wrong?” You looked at him, putting a smile on your face and shaking your head.

“I’m fine buck, just thirsty” he frowned, walking towards you and pulling you into his arms.

“i know you too well for that to work on me doll” he sighed, stroking your back softly as you but back tears, finally letting a sob out. “let it out doll I’m here.”

Me and Mr. Heart we say the cutest things about you

Bucky smiled at the way you jumped for joy when you saw a dog in the park, immediately talking his ear off about how you had always wanted your own.

“don’t you think we should adopt? I think we’re at that point y’know?” You smiled, starry eyes as you turned to look at him.

Never in his life had he felt more in love, he thought of how perfect you looked, with slightly messy hair from the wind and a stain on your shirt from the time he accidentally splashed paint on you.

He felt the world around him fade away, focusing only on you and your words, rattling off some facts about people with pets being happier in an effort to convince him.

Bucky thought of the way you had always cared for him, living him with all you were. He thought of how you were the most caring person in the world to him, how you were the most radiant person in the room no matter what.

He loved you so much and all he wanted was to make you happy.

“I’ve always been a cat person” he teased, loving the way you rolled your eyes with a playful smile on your face.

“we could get a cat, they’re calm and sweet” you nodded, taking his hand and pulling him towards the parking lot.

How could bucky say no when you looked so excited?

You held the white cat in your arms a few weeks later, a huge smile on your face as he purred into your touch.

“welcome home alpine” you smiled, setting the cat down and letting him explore.

Buckys heart grew in his chest, you seemed so unreal. You were everything he ever wanted and everything he ever needed. And you were all his.

You looked at bucky, a smile on your face as he picked up the cat, setting him gently on his lap.

“thought you were gonna get us a dog the whole time we were there” he spoke, looking at you as you stared at the pair, standing across the room and putting away some cat food and toys.

“you said you were a cat person” you replied, “plus you’re happy right?” You questioned, walking over and sitting down next to him, reaching out to scratch the back of Alpines ears.

“very happy doll” he smiled, eyes settling on the cat in his lap, wanting to place kisses all over the now sleeping feline.

“then I’m happy that you’re happy” you smiled, kissing his cheek softly, letting your head rest on his shoulder and enjoy the company of your now two favorite boys.

My lover is a day I can’t forget

“Do you remember how we met?” You asked suddenly, bucky smiled as he recalled the memory.

“doll it’s 3 am” he chuckled, the streetlight sneaking in through the curtains as you two lay in bed.

“so you don’t” you huffed, turning so your back would face him. Bucky smiled at your reaction, quickly turning you back around to face him.

“of course i do doll” he replied, a soft smile still on his face, “why?”

“what did you think of me?” You wondered, wiggling a bit to get more comfortable. You had a small smile on your face as he began talking.

“i thought you were too nice, they got your whole order wrong and you still ate the whole thing” he smiled.

Buckys eyes had immediately landed on you when he entered the small diner, seeing you smiling with a couple of your friends.

Steve was insistent on getting him to go to more places and this was #1 on his list.

“so those are my favorites you can always look through the menu though i guess” steve smiled, noticing his friends focus on you.

“thank you!” You smiled at the waitress, taking the dish from her, turning to your friends as soon as she left.

“i didn’t order this” you grumbled, your friends insisting you send it back.

“but what if she’s having a bad day already? and this is the last straw? It’s fine i can just eat it it’ll be fine” you shook your head, taking a bite and making a face.

“send it back y/n!” Your friend persisted and you shook your head, you were so stubborn.

“it’s not that bad!” You smiled, eating the whole thing, “wish it was the other one though” you giggled as your friends rolled their eyes.

Bucky kept glancing over at you, trying to not make it obvious. Steve decided against saying anything, making easy conversation with his best friend.

You hit your friend gently, a blush on your face when your eyes had landed on the two super soldiers.

“okay don’t be obvious” you began, “that’s steve rogers and bucky barnes?” You whispered, your friends all turning and looking at the table.

Bucky had just so happened the be glancing over, making eye contact with you, his face went red as he saw your whole table staring at the pair.

“You were so shy, you didn’t even have the guts to say hi” he teased and you punched him softly.

“you didn’t say anything either in my defense” you smiled, fiddling with his dog tags.

You turned back quickly, slapping a hand on your face as your friends laughed. “I said don’t be obvious did i not!”

“didn’t you say you would die for him? You talk about him almost everyday” your friend teased and you hit her, face burning.

“shut up! they’re super soldiers what if they hear you” you snuck a glance at their table, seeing the way bucky had a small smirk on his face and Steve was holding back a laugh.

“i hate you guys, i really do” you mumbled, “should i say sorry? I feel like i should say sorry right?”

“You just want an excuse to give that man sex eyes” another one of your friends spoke up and you rolled your eyes.

You snuck a glance at bucky making eye contact, you gave a small smile which he happily returned, waving slightly. You waved back, quickly turning back to your friends as your heart raced.

You and your friends paid and left not long after, Steve and bucky following a couple minutes after. You said your goodbyes in the parking lot, giving them tight hugs.

“you sure you don’t want a ride?” They had asked and you shook your head, waving her off as you walked to the bus stop down the street, sitting on the bench and scrolling through your social media mindlessly.

You looked up as someone sat next to you, giving them a small smile before realizing it was bucky. Your eyes went wide and you froze, eyes focused on your now locked phone. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

You glanced at bucky, face flushing when you made eye contact.

“you were so charming, i still don’t understand how you could be so calm” you spoke, looking at him as he let out a snort.

“i was shitting myself the whole time doll” he laughed, “I’m surprised i didn’t fuck up the moment i opened my mouth.”

“I’m bucky” he smiled, extending his had for you to shake. You smiled back, shaking his hand before replying, “I’m y/n.”

You were quiet for a second before turning to face him again, “I’m sorry for my friends in the diner, they can be a bit much” you chuckled, fiddling with your phone in your hands.

“don’t worry ‘bout it, I’m flattered honestly” he replied and you cocked your head.

“oh?” You replied, confused at his response.

“I mean to have a pretty girl like you thinking about me? An honor really” he spoke smoothly, a charming smile on his face as he looked at you.

“i- well- uh, thank you?” You let out a breathy laugh, and he smiled at you, moving onto another topic of conversation.

Next thing you knew the two of you were sat together on the bus, laughing as you two exchanged stories and talked about your interests.

“this is my stop” you frowned, not wanting to end the conversation yet. Buckys heart raced, debating on wether or not he should make a move or not. Steve would surely have his head on a spike if he didn’t.

“i- well, if you want i can walk you, it’s dark and i don’t want you in any danger” he spoke, stumbling in his words.

“I’d love that buck” you smiled and he looked at you with a grin on his face, following you out of the bus.

The evening air was cool, it felt nice against your flushed skin, a smile on both of your faces as you walked towards your apartment. The sound of your laughter filling the open air.

You arrived at your apartment building, exchanging numbers and saying goodbye, already looking forward to see each other next time.

“can’t believe you walked me back” you giggled, butterflies in your stomach as you remembered how flirty he was that night.

“i never told you but i had actually driven to the place” bucky blushed, “Steve had been busy earlier so we met up there” he laughed as your mouth flew open.

“so you had to go all the way back to get your car?!” Bucky smiled bashfully, “you even paid to take the bus!” You squealed, sitting up quickly and leaning against the headboard.

“I wasn’t gonna let public transportation stand between me and the love of my life!” Bucky replied quickly, sitting up next to you.

“you barely knew me!”

“i wanted to get to know you! that was the whole point” he shot back, a smile on his face when he noticed how flustered you were.

“you did all that for me” you looked at him fondly and he nodded.

“and I’d do so much more for you now” Bucky smiled, kissing your cheek softly before moving to your jaw and then your lips.

“I love you so much doll” he whispered, pulling you into his arms. You let him wrap himself around you, holding you closely to his chest.

“i love you more lovely” you replied, placing a soft kiss on his bicep. He held you for a couple more moments before letting go, letting you move back to his side and lay on his chest.

“you do so much for me doll, you keep me grounded, you make me happy, you keep me from going crazy, wish i could do the same” he mumbled, his fingers scratching at your scalp and making your eyes flutter shut.

“you do all that and more for me too james, you just never realize” you whispered, yawning as he continued his movements.

“how about we go to sleep, and I’ll tell you all tomorrow just how much you do for me, yeah?” You mumbled, opening your eyes slightly. Bucky nodded, laying down and getting comfortable, moving so that he could spoon you, draping an arm around your waist and pulling you to his chest.

“goodnight lover boy” you mumbled, he smiled at the nickname.

“goodnight dollface” he whispered, kissing your neck softly before closing his eyes, hearing alpines soft purring from across the room.

[jackrrabbit]

cuffing season /// Ushijima x f!Reader (18+)

Summary: [Shiratorizawa fanweek day 5—Firsts] You convince your boyfriend to try something new in the bedroom, but as it turns out, old habits die hard.

A/N: Heard it was Shiratorizawa week 👀 technically I did originally post this on day 5, but I had to repost bc of tag issues, whoops :P Let’s pray it works this time!! edit: apparently it’s still not listed in the tags :<

The song that I mention is Bruno Major’s Old Fashioned (although it doesn’t fit the tone of this fic in the least).

Tags/warnings: mild bondage, size kink, rough sex!!!, marking (bruises/hickeys/etc.), power play/power exchange, reader tries & fails to dom Mr. Ushijima 😳, all characters are adults

Look, Ushijima’s a great boyfriend. Perfect, almost. Sure, he may not be the most expressive guy, but you’ve been dating him long enough that you’re able to pick up on the little gestures that tell you that he cares about you—the way he presses his face into your hair when you hug him after you’ve been apart for a while; his hands stroking circles into your skin when you fall asleep in bed next to him; all of it. He’s everything you could possibly look for in a man, except for one not-so-little issue:

The sex.

Because Ushijima, your sweet, wonderful boyfriend, who kisses you so gently it’s like he thinks you’ll fall apart if he’s not infinitely careful with you, is for some reason incapable of exercising the same degree of restraint (or any restraint at all) when you’re in bed together. When it comes to sex, your boyfriend is a fucking animal. And you’re not really sure how much more you can handle.

Maybe your concerns would seem petty from an outsider’s perspective. It’s not like Ushijima doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and it’s not like you don’t want to have sex. You’re attracted to him, of course you are! Almost 76 inches and 190 pounds of pure muscle, a body that looks like Michelangelo could have carved it from marble, and that beautifully solemn expression that had you salivating over him from the stands before you even knew his name? You want to have sex with him, you’re just fairly certain you can’t, not when it always ends up with you completely and utterly wrecked, so spent you don’t even have the strength to lift your hips off the mattress so he can wipe his cum off your thighs.

Look, anyone in your position would feel the same way. It’s awful and you’ll never admit it to him, but you almost broke up with him after the first time you two fucked. You knew going in that it wouldn’t be easy—the man radiates big dick energy and boy did he deliver—but it was just too much.

That first time had started off so innocuously, with you inviting him to your place for a nightcap after your sixth date. You’d set candles and put on your romantic sex playlist for a nice backdrop to let him hold you in his lap and make out—how the hell had you gone from that to having him rut you into the mattress, your belly pressed into the sheets and ass arched up so he could pound into you so forcefully that your rickety bed smacked into the wall hard enough to rattle the furniture with every movement, and you couldn’t even hear it over the sound of your own moaning? You hadn’t changed the playlist, and it felt downright obscene to listen to Bruno Major croon about love and courtship while Ushijima fucked into you like he was trying to carve the shape of his cock into your pussy.

You’d had to call in sick the next day because you could barely walk. The bruises from where he held your hips had taken weeks to fade, and by that time he’d already given you new ones. To his credit, Ushijima felt bad when he saw the evidence of how rough he’d been and he promised to take it easy on you next time…but after a few more rounds of mind-numbingly savage sex you learned that the man apparently doesn’t know what ‘take it easy’ means.

To be fair, at least some of it is your fault. You really shouldn’t have offered to go on the pill as a three-month anniversary present to him. At least before, he had to give you a break while he changed condoms after he came; now he has no reason to hesitate, instead going for round two (and sometimes round three) without pulling out. You never thought you’d see superhuman stamina as a bad thing, but…

“You don’t get it! It’s like getting fucked by a stallion. I need to plan to have three days to recover whenever I take him home with me,” you whined to your friends over cocktails when they told you you shouldn’t complain about a good thing—after all, Ushijima is just as committed to your pleasure as he is to his own, and there’s never been an occasion where he didn’t get you off before fucking you himself (probably at least a little because there’s no way in hell you’d be relaxed enough to take him otherwise).

“Can’t you just tell him to go slower?” one of your friends asked. “If he doesn’t listen to you, then that’s fucked up and you need to dump him.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t listen. If I tell him to stop, he stops,” you sighed, stirring your drink with the straw and watching the decorative sprig of mint fall under the surface to be overtaken by a chip of ice. “It’s like he can’t go slower. He’s not adjustable—it’s either crazy brutal or nothing, and then neither of us get what we want. Like a vibrator you can’t turn off the highest level. I don’t even think he realizes in the moment how intense it is for me.”

“Aren’t you ever on top? You can set the pace.”

“I’ve tried, but Ushi just—“ you made a gripping motion with your hands and mimicked raising something up and setting it down vigorously— “like, bounces me.”

One of them raised an eyebrow and then her eyes widened. She turned to your other friend and the two of them whispered to each other for a bit, then shifted back to you. “Tie him up,” she said with the air of an elder imparting sage knowledge, and your other friend nodded.

“Oh, come on.” You rolled your eyes.

“I’m serious. Guys usually love it when girls are in control, you just need to take the initiative. Get him tied down and then you can show him exactly how you like it. Let him feel like he’s at your mercy for once.”

The idea had seemed unthinkable at the time, but you hadn’t been able to forget it—which is why after weeks of contemplation, hours of research, and a single extremely awkward trip to a sex shop, you’re now crouching over Ushijima’s naked chest, wrapping a leather cuff around one of his wrists.

“Are you sure that this is something you want to do?” Ushijima asks in that weighty baritone that makes you shiver with need. He doesn’t pull away, but he eyes your actions warily as you thread the chain of the cuffs around a rung in the center of your headboard and reach over to do the other side.

“…Yes,” you tell him, a little less firmly than you would have liked, and you lick your lips to try to make up for how suddenly dry your mouth is. “Anyway, isn’t that my line? We don’t have to do the cuffs if you don’t want to. I won’t force you.”

“It’s alright. You and I both know you couldn’t force me, (Y/N).” Dark eyes pin you down and it’s incredibly unfair how much power he has over you even when he’s the one chained to the bed.

Ushijima’s right, obviously—if he didn’t want to be exactly where he is right now, he wouldn’t be. You’re sure as hell not strong enough to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to, but he didn’t have to say it like that.

“Okay then…good,” you reply, adjusting the straps of the cuffs to accommodate for how stupidly thick his wrists are. When you’re satisfied that they won’t chafe but he can’t get out of them without your help, you sit back next to his chest and admire your handiwork. Ushijima lays on his back, naked, relaxed, even with his arms stretched up to your headboard and cuffed there. He looks good, mouthwateringly good, and you’re ready to get your hands on him when you remember there’s something you need to get straight first. “Wait, before we—before I do anything, remember— what do you say if you want me to stop?”

“…Vanilla,” Ushijima says, reciting the safeword you decided on when you were hammering out details, although the look in his half-lidded eyes is telling you very clearly that he has no intention of needing to use it.

Privately you agree, but everything you’ve read on the kink blogs you’ve been trolling for research tells you that a responsible adult doesn’t put cuffs on their partner without deciding on a safeword first, and you’re determined to do this by the book. “Good boy,” you say, and the diminutive feels awkward in your mouth until you see Ushijima’s reaction—the flash in his eyes, a minuscule hitch in his breathing next to you, and the scrape of metal against wood as he gives a light pull at the cuffs.

With everything safe and accounted for, you give a final tug to the chain to ensure it’s secure, then inch back and swing one leg over the broad expanse of his chest so you’re straddling his abdomen (and he’s so damn big that there’s a twinge of soreness in your thighs just from sitting on top of him). Fuck, he looks good like this, all spread out and pinned underneath you, so masculine and bulky that you’re feeling your pussy get wet just from watching him watching you.

It’s not often you get to appreciate him like this—usually you’re too focused on not losing your mind from how deeply he’s fucking you—so you savor it, massaging his shoulders and sliding your fingers down his sides, tracing the smooth skin with a feather-light touch and then dipping to kiss under his jaw. Feeling more than a little devious, you let your teeth graze over the thin skin at the base of his neck and with your chest pressed into his, it’s not hard to feel his sharp intake of breath.

“The marks...my teammates will notice.”

“Maybe I should stop, then,” you murmur against his skin, lifting up just enough to brush over his nipples. He stiffens, and once again you hear him tugging at the cuffs.

“…Don’t. I want them to see,” Ushijima says, and once you have his permission you don’t waste any time in latching your mouth to his skin and sucking. It’s been ages since you’ve given anyone a hickey. Usually you’re the one marked up like a teenager after Ushijima has his way with you, so this is a nice change of pace, especially when you can feel him flexing underneath you.

Well, kissing is nice…but you’re getting impatient and you know he is too. Once you’re satisfied that your hickeys are going to show up nice and bright red around his neck like a collar, you sit back, walking your hands back on his chest, stroking over his abdomen and giving a little roll of your ass on top of him. Ushijima’s hips twitch—unconsciously, you wonder?—and he glares at you in a way that tells you in no uncertain terms to hurry up and let him fuck you.

And damn it, something about that look has you feeling weak. Needy. Obedient. But this time you’re supposed to be in charge, so you smirk and lift your hips, pulling your body back so his cock is nestled between your legs, not quite touching your pussy. He’s already hard—no surprises there, considering how intently he’s watching you as you mess with him—but you only take a second to stroke his cock up and down before shifting up so he can see you slick your fingers up in your own pussy.

“(Y/N)…” Ushijima’s voice is low, annoyed, and he looks hungry. But you’re so amazed at how wet you are under your own fingers that you don’t bother to pay attention to him shifting his position under you to try to get stimulation. Your juices are literally slicking up your own thighs, just from chaining up your boyfriend and teasing him a little? You should have done this a long time ago.

You push two fingers into your pussy and pump them a few times, making sure to angle your hips so Ushijima can see them go in and out. The stretch is almost uncomfortable for a second and you wince a little before schooling your expression, knowing you’re about to have something a lot bigger than two fingers stretching you open. Ushijima catches it though, and he frowns, trying to sit up before remembering the cuffs that are holding him back. “Let me—let me do it for you—“

“No, stay down,” you say quickly, using your other hand to push him back into the mattress while you continue to touch yourself. Ushijima lets you (and there’s no doubt in your mind that he is letting you), but his eyes narrow as he zeroes in on the way your fingers are glistening with your own pussy juices.

God, you’re—you’re supposed to be in control, aren’t you? So then you shouldn’t be feeling like this, eyes drifting closed as you fuck yourself on your fingers, letting your lower knuckles rub against your clit while you try to curl them to rub against your g-spot. Ushijima’s been spoiling you…you can’t remember the last time you’ve had to do this yourself, and as you feel the tension building up slowly you catch yourself wishing it were him fingering you instead.

His fingers are just so thick. And long, and so rough. You bite your lip thinking about the way he does it when he preps you to take his cock, mashing his palm into your clit, petting along inside you and scissoring his fingers and… “Mmh,” you hum, holding back a real moan for Ushijima’s sake.

There’s another click of the chain sliding over the headboard wood and it reminds you that he’s right there, you could just uncuff him and he could touch you and fill you up with those thick fingers, make you cum, make you cry. But the urge to seek your own pleasure is outweighed by the image he’s making as he looks at you, his expression almost angry in its intensity now that he’s watching you do this to yourself and he has no way to get his hands on you.

“Ahh—“ you whine, letting a real whimper out at the thought of what you’re doing to him. “Ushi, Ushi, do you wanna touch? Wanna touch me?”

His head ducks into a hasty nod and his jaw clenches at the strain of having to ask for what he wants instead of just taking it like usual.

The longer you touch yourself, the closer you’re getting…but you don’t want to cum, not just yet. You draw your fingers out of your dripping cunt and open them up in a V, showing off the juices that connect them, the evidence of how wet you are for him. “Mmm, I don’t think so. I think there’s something else I want in me instead.”

And then you’re reaching to the side for the lube, squeezing a healthy dollop into your palm and then wrapping your hand around Ushiijma’s cock. And—fuck, he’s big. Sure, you’ve had sex with him plenty, but no matter how often you take him, you never stop feeling absolutely torn up after. A tingle of trepidation races up your spine at the thought of riding him like this—can you even put it in by yourself?

Even just looking at it is intimidating. He’s painfully hard, cock flushed red and bobbing up against his lower stomach every time you let it go, and, Jesus, how is it even possible that this thing would fit inside you? When you wrap your hand around him your fingers don’t touch; he must be thicker around than your own wrist.

Halfway. That’ll going to be your goal tonight, to take him halfway. And even that…is going to be a stretch.

The anxiety must show on your face because once again you’ve got Ushijima straining at the cuffs. “(Y/N)—“ he spits as you stroke him up, nudging your palm against the tip. “(Y/N), you need to finish first. Let me make you cum.”

“No, this time I want to—I’m gonna cum on your cock,” you say, adjusting your position so you’re kneeling above him, the head of his cock sliding between your lips. “Gonna cum on your big cock, Ushi, okay?”

His cock jumps in your hand at the provocation. He’s glaring at you, but he’s also leaking precum, the sticky fluid mixing with the lubricant. You give Ushijima a moment to say the safeword if he really doesn’t want you to, and when he stays quiet you raise yourself up a little more and line the head of his cock up with your weeping slit. You hold your pussy lips open with your fingers, easing your thighs down and pressing the head into you and—

“Oh—oh—oh, fuck, oh fuck, Ushi—“ you stutter out helplessly.

It’s been almost two weeks since he last fucked you. One week, six days and about three hours, and at the moment this measure of time seems unreasonably important because it’s been almost two weeks since you last let Ushijima split you in half with his ridiculously huge cock.

You’re not ready, should’ve prepped more, should’ve let him make you cum like he said—fuck, it feels like you’re losing your virginity—and the mixture of dismay and relief that spills over you when the thick swell of his head pushes past that tight ring of muscle is almost nauseating.

The tip? Seriously, just the fucking tip, and you’re already delirious, shaking, your thighs quivering on either side of his. It’s taking all of your strength to keep from going slack—but you know if you do, his whole cock is going to slide up into you and even thinking about that has your cunt clenching and unclenching around what you’re able to fit inside.

“Do you need help?” Despite the strain in Ushijima’s voice at being teased like this, there’s an undercurrent of amusement. He clearly doesn’t have faith in your ability to take him deeper by yourself.

It’s this—this quiet arrogance, this belief that he knows what’s best for you and he’s the only one who can give it to you—that gives you the guts to convince yourself to lower yourself down onto his his cock until you’re literally gasping for air. It fucking hurts, but you’re not going to give him the satisfaction of hearing you say it; instead, you brace your hands against the stiff muscle of his chest and try to focus on the way his cockhead is pressing into your g-spot.

Halfway…he’s gotta be at least halfway in, right? You sneak a glance up at him and bite back a curse at the look on his face, serious as ever, so focused on the place where your pussy is reluctantly eating up his cock that you feel your insides tense up around him again.

You don’t even know how it’s possible for you to get tighter around him but somehow you must be able to, because you hear Ushijima grunt underneath you, and his muscles contract under your palms as he tries again to sit up. When he can’t, he hisses in frustration. “Move…now. Or I won’t be able to control myself.”

Funny, aren’t you supposed to be the one controlling him? But it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way when you’re barely able to stay upright just from trying to ride his cock. You nod desperately, chin jutting up and down like a bobblehead, and lift your hips up off his cock until just the tip is left inside. When you push yourself back down you can’t help whimpering at the feeling of him stretching you, sliding up into you, that stiff, wet cockhead dragging over your g-spot.

By now the pain has faded into an uncomfortable stretch, like leaning too heavily into a foreign pose in yoga, enough that you’re able to feel the arousal building in the pit of your belly and hold onto it as you rock your hips up and down him. The pace is slow—almost too slow; you marvel at yourself for wanting it faster—and there’s a fair amount of Ushijima’s cock that you’re not able to take, but this is really all you can handle.

“Mmm, Ushi, fuck, you’re so big, so big and hard inside me, feels so good on your cock—“ you moan, knowing you sound less like the dominant partner in this position and more like you’re teasing him, pushing his limits.

Ushijima’s breathing is heavy. Labored. He’s trying to hold himself back. “(Y/N), deeper—take me deeper, now.”

Part of your brain vaguely recognizes that he isn’t supposed to be giving the orders here, but you’re too drunk on the feeling of fucking yourself on his cock to complain, so you lower your hips and try, but it feels like you’re just too weak to do it yourself. “Ushi please, it’s too much, too big, I can’t, please—“

And your pleading must sound like an invitation, because his eyes flash and you feel him shifting the position of his legs behind you—and then he bucks his hips up and his cock sinks into your cunt, pushing up into your gooey insides until the head is pressing into the tight opening of your cervix.

“Ahn—?” you squeal, startled. What? He—what? Fuck, it’s deep, it’s so deep, you can’t hold yourself up so you flop downward, holding onto his shoulders for dear life, “ohhh Ushi pleasepleaseplease” and you barely hear yourself over the lubed-up slap of his pelvis against your skin.

Fuck, it feels like he’s knocking the breath out of you. Feels like you can’t fucking breathe like his cock isn’t just pushing against your stomach but your lungs too, can’t breathe so you bear down on his shoulders try to hold yourself up try to let yourself adjust but—

Ushijima’s in control now.

Not that he ever wasn’t, you’d think if you were capable of thinking except you’re not because as you try to situate yourself make yourself relax around that monster cock filling you up, he’s not giving you a moment to catch your breath, instead thrusting up into you at his usual breakneck pace. Apparently he doesn’t need to use his hands to make you bounce—you’re not even moving yourself now, just trying to hold still as his hips slam his cock inside you again and again and again, and again, rubbing up against that sweet spot in your pussy so quickly that you think you might go crazy from it.

“Nngh, so tight,” he growls, and you can tell from the way the words are choked out that he’s gritting his teeth. You almost want to roll your eyes—of course you’re tight, anyone would feel tight around him—but it feels like if you do your eyes might roll back in your head so you don’t.

Jesus fuck, you can’t even understand how long it’s been but you do know that it’s absurd for you to want to cum already, only the thick mass of his cock pushing into you is somehow hitting all the right buttons, just like it always does. Even if it’s rough you want more. By now you’re trying to meet his thrusts, rolling your hips in time with him fucking you open, doing your best to participate but really it’s all you can do to even stay still with how roughly he’s fucking you. “Ushi, fuck, so deep, wanna cum I wanna cum please let me cum—“

“Touch yourself,” he commands breathlessly because he’s still tied to the headboard and he can’t do it, and you barely have the strength to pick one of your hands up off of where you’re scratching into his shoulder and pull it down to rub at your clit.

It’s not enough and you whimper desperately, you don’t want your own fingers, you want Ushijima’s, you want him to touch you. You’re probably saying it out loud by now, begging him to put his hands on you—his eyes widen and then the sound of the metal cuff chain grating over wood reaches you—you can see the skin of his wrists get lighter from lack of blood flow, he’s pulling at the cuffs, pulling too hard, he’s going to hurt himself, you have to stop him—and then you hear a snap.

Aw, shit. The bed.

The thought comes in a singular moment of clarity as you watch the rung Ushijima’s chained to separate itself from the rest of the headboard, splintering, the nail that held it in place looking pathetically flimsy next to the veins bulging in his arms as he slides the chain away from it. He flexes his hands, forming fists and then unclenching them to restore the interrupted blood flow, and then you’ve only got a second to prepare yourself before he’s upright, dragging your hips up to meet his.

“Ushi, Ushi, Ushi, I want, please, I want you,” you beg, but you didn’t really have to because you’re pretty sure there’s no force on Earth that could stop him from holding you up so he can fuck down into you with a ferocity that could be mistaken for anger if you weren’t certain it was really lust.

The entire bed is creaking and rocking against the force of his movement, but you don’t really have the headspace to worry about more property damage considering he’s got you supporting yourself on the mattress on your back and shoulders, your spine curled up so he can kneel and still have your hips aligned with his, your legs dangling bonelessly on either side of him.

Fuck. Holy fuck. You open your mouth but words don’t come out, only a choked whimper, but if you could speak you’d be saying yesyesyesyesyes, touch me.

Despite your inability to speak, Ushijima picks up on what you need and then along with his cock carving its way in and out of you you’re getting the feeling of his fingers padding over your clit. Rough and callused, not gentle, nothing like the way you touched yourself earlier, but you’re starting to realize you don’t mind the aggression. In fact, it’s good, it’s so good, so good you’re gonna cum.

You’re gonna cum.

A long, drawn-out whine is spilling out of your lips before you can stop it; you wrap your hand over your own mouth out of shame or maybe courtesy to your neighbors (although by now they’ve probably invested in earplugs after listening to you squeal like a pig on Ushijima’s cock dozens of times in the past). Still, as your climax rocks through you shove your thumb between your teeth to bite down on it, but the sharp pain is nothing compared to the pleasure.

“Ushiiiii—“ you sob around your own fingers. Your spine arches—or rather, you try to arch your back but you can’t, not with Ushijima’s full body weight pressing into you and keeping you pinned to the mattress.

It hurts, it feels good, you’re seeing stars, you’re hearing Ushijima snarl as your pussy tightens up and convulses on his cock. His one-handed grip on your ass gets painfully tight as he abandons whatever pretense of restraint he had left and pumps his cock into you so hard and fast you’re pretty sure the headboard isn’t going to be the only thing broken, but you don’t fucking care because you’re cumming, you’re cumming, you’re cumming so hard you think you black out for a second, holy fuck.

It’s only when you hear Ushijima’s panting breath and feel him pulling your hand away from your mouth that you regain your grip on reality. “You’re bleeding,” he says, holding your hand up and inspecting the shallow indentations your teeth made on your thumb.

“…You broke my bed,” you reply tiredly once you’ve gotten in a lungful of air, what feels like the first full breath you’ve been able to take since he put his cock inside you.

“I’m sorry,” Ushijima tells you, although he doesn’t look particularly sorry.

You roll your eyes. “Did you cum?”

“Yes. When you did.” Without him holding you up there’s nothing to prevent you from sliding down off his softening (but still unfairly impressive) cock. You’re certainly not strong enough to keep yourself in position.

Even if he hadn’t confirmed it, you’d still be able to feel the familiar heat of his semen plastering your insides, and once your still-sensitive pussy is exposed to the cool air your inner muscles squeeze involuntarily but hard enough to force some of his cum out—you sense it, hot and thick, dripping out of your pussy to smear against your thighs. “Can we take a bath?” you ask, knowing you’ll barely be able to walk over to the bathroom, much less stand under the shower unassisted.

Ushijima nods and moves off the bed. “I can carry you,” he adds when you try to stand up and your knees almost give out before you flop back onto the mattress.

At this angle, with you sitting and him standing in front, it’s difficult not to see that despite cumming literally less than two minutes ago, he’s already getting stiff again. Jesus, is he even human? After how hard you just came, the thought of letting him fuck you again is giving you something stronger than butterflies, but you look up at him and offer anyway. “Wait, do you…um, want to go for another round?”

Ushijima’s gaze meets yours and then travels over your body underneath him. You must look like a mess—sweaty, hair all fucked up and tangled, body still shaking with the aftershocks of your climax and barely able to sit comfortably on your aching pussy—and you guess he sees how jittery (nervous?) you feel because for the first time since your relationship started, he shakes his head to turn down an offer of sex. “No, I’ll take care of it. Let’s clean up first.”

“Okay,” you sigh, releasing a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and raising your arms to let him pick you up.

“(Y/N).”

When Ushijima doesn’t move to carry you, you frown. “Hm?”

“The cuffs.”

Oh, right. The black leather is wrapped around both of his wrists, chain still intact. Apparently these cuffs are stronger than your headboard. Good quality. Too bad they’re going in the trash. You make quick work of the release and then undo the straps carefully, massaging over the light pink marks on your boyfriend’s wrists once they’re free.

“Sorry, did it hurt you? I didn’t mean to—I mean, I just wanted…” You trail off, feeling infinitely embarrassed that despite all your claims of dominating him, he still ended up with the upper hand, cuffs or no cuffs. And you liked submitting to him. There’s no denying that.

“It didn’t. And…I enjoyed having you on top,” Ushijima tells you, lifting you effortlessly into a princess-carry now that his arms are free.

“Yeah right. We’re never using those again,” you scoff, tucking your head into his chest as he carries you to the bathroom. “My boss is going to get mad that I keep taking sick days every time I have sex with you. I’m just going to throw the cuffs out.”

From your position, so close to him, you can barely see the upward quirk of his mouth that would be as good as laughter for anyone else. “Don’t get rid of them. I think…next time, I would like to have you wearing them, (Y/N).”

Well, fuck.

[ray-ray-writings]

Family Fatality-Awesamdude

Gn!reader x Sam x Son!Tommyinnit …. It be angsty and sad with a happy ending. Also, does not follow what actually happened in the lore!

Small note: I think this is the last fic I’m going to write in first person. I think a lot of people enjoy the use of second person more and it’s also a bit easier for me to write in second person. The only reason that this fic is written in first is because it’s a part two and I want to keep it consistent. If you have thoughts about this, feel free to message me!!

Part One: Family Matters.

Check out my masterlist here

Y/N believed it was a bad idea from the beginning. Call it parental instincts. But unfortunately no one believed them… until it was too late. 

Y/N’s POV

I knew it was a bad idea. 

I should have listened to my gut. 

Tommy should have listened.

Sam should have listened. 

We should have known better. 

When Tommy told Sam and me that he wanted to visit Dream in prison, I instantly said no. That boy had been through so much trauma and manipulation because of that green wearing bastard, I didn’t want Dream to ever be able to see Tommy again. 

Sam was more into it. It was less of wanting Tommy to be able to see Dream and more he wanted an opportunity to show Tommy the prison. But he was for it. Sure he knew what Dream did to Tommy and hated the blond for it, but he also understood Tommy’s desire to see him. 

We told Tommy we would talk it over and let him know our decision.

I really didn’t want him to go. 

Sam talked me into it. 

That night after we put Tommy and Stella to sleep and crawled into our own bed, Sam began to explain his side further. He told me about how it might be nice for Tommy to get some closure. To be able to see Dream completely trapped in prison with no way out. It may help stop the nightmares.

That’s what convinced me in the end. 

As much as Tommy would try to tell us he was fine, his dreams told us otherwise. More often than not, we’d wake in the morning to find Tommy had crawled in bed between us or that he would be sitting in the rocking chair in Stella’s room. He never told us exactly what would happen, but we could tell. 

I just wanted them to stop. I wanted my boy to be able to feel safe in this house. And if that was the only way to have it happen… I had to let it happen. 

Tommy was thrilled with our verdict. Threw his arms around us in a huge hug and kissed our cheeks. I did my best to put on a happy front, but it was difficult. Sam could tell. Tommy could tell. Heck, I’m sure that even baby Stella could tell. 

I was wrapped in another hug by Tommy and was pulled close to his chest while he buried his face in my hair. 

“I’ll be alright baba… I promise.” 

Liar. 

My stomach was in knots the day he went to the prison. I woke up with enough time to see them off. I gave both of them extremely tight hugs, forcing them to promise me they would be safe before sending them off, telling them to be back in time for dinner. 

I watched the two walk toward the horizon and stood there watching long after they disappeared from view. The thing that snapped me from my swell of anxiety and nerves was the sound of Stella crying. 

I immediately jumped into action, closing the door and rushing toward her room. I carefully got her out of her crib and began our usual morning routine. “They’re going to be fine baby,” I cooed as I changed her, “They’re going to be just fine.” 

I knew she couldn’t understand me. I knew I was saying that more to try and convince myself of that. Thinking if I said it out loud it would make it true… it wasn’t true. 

The whole day I could help but worry. I tried to focus on Stella, on taking care of her, playing with her, making sure she was okay, but I found my thoughts drifting back to Tommy and Sam and the visit. I couldn’t help but wonder how it was going, if the two were safe. 

The pit in my stomach deepened when our usual dinner time rolled around and there was no sign of the boys. I tried to contact one of them via communicator, but no response. I wasn’t surprised. The prison was so heavy laced with obsidian it was nearly impossible to get a signal in there. I watched with a heavy heart and a knotted stomach as the sun sunk lower and lower into the sky and still, no boys. Stella’s bedtime came and I was forced to put her down alone, Sam and Tommy still nowhere to be found. 

I tried to remain calm. I sat on the couch and stared at the TV as a movie played. After a while, I realized my knee was bouncing like crazy and that I was halfway through the film but I had no idea what the hell was happening. I reached over and quickly shut off the TV. The black screen reflected the scene behind me, letting me see what was behind me.

I immediately jumped at the sight of my husband standing in the doorway behind me. My hand flew to my chest as my head whipped around to look at him. “Sam!” I exclaimed a bit breathless, using my free hand to push myself up from the couch to completely turn to him. “You scared me! I didn’t hear you come in!” 

Sam didn’t say anything. He only stared at me. That confused me. He usually rushes right for me, shouting hello, and wraps me in a hug and kisses me sweetly… Why is he just staring at me blankly? “Sam?” I questioned, taking a few steps forward toward him. He still didn’t move. Sam just stared. As I grew closer, I could see that his eyes were rimmed red and the usual light that filled his eyes was completely gone. It was really freaking me out. “What’s wrong?”

It was then I noticed that he had entered alone. Tommy hadn’t come in with him. That sent a fury of butterflies to stir in my stomach. “Sam? Where’s Tommy?” 

That was the question that broke the dam. 

I watched as Sam’s bottom lip began to quiver and a hushed sobbed echoed throughout the room. “I’m sorry,” Sam whimpered out, another sob escaping him. “I’m so sorry.” 

Sam’s legs seemed to give out from under him, causing me to rush forward as my husband fell to his knees. I sunk down to my knees and quickly cupped his face, gently tilting his head to look at me. 

Sobs were still falling from his lips as his eyes met mine. I rose my eyebrows at him, not wanting to rush him but still wanting to know what the hell was going on. I didn’t have to wait long for his gut wrenching words. 

“You were right.” 

It instantly clicked. I was right. That’s why Tommy wasn’t here. I was right. I was right to not want him to go. To not want him to see Dream. Something happened. Something bad happened. I was right. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stop him. I was too far. I failed him. I failed to protect him. I failed our son. He’s dead and it’s all my fault.” 

Time seemed to stop at Sam’s words. Sam kept babbling words out through his sobs, but I became unable to hear him any longer. A loud ringing filled my ears and I watched as my own vision blurred. 

He’s….

He’s dead….

Tommy…

Tommy is dead. 

Dream… Dream killed him. 

A gut wrenching sob ripped itself from your throat as you fully registered what your husband was telling you. Sam’s arms instantly reach out and wrap around you tightly, bringing you into his chest. Your hands fall from his cheeks onto his chest as you clutch his shirt, burying your face in him as you sob. 

You’re not sure how long you’re there, kneeling on the floor sobbing. Slowly, and I mean slowly, but surely, your sobs die down until the only noise filling the room are soft sniffles. 

“I was right,” you manage to croak out, pulling yourself away from your creeper hybrid husband to look up at him. 

“You were right,” Sam echos, moving one of his hands to cup your cheek and tilting his head down to rest his forehead on yours. 

You let out a watery laugh as you close your eyes tightly and relish in the gentle contact. 

“God. I have never wanted to be wrong more in my entire life… I wish I wasn’t right.” 

The next few days passed slowly. The sky seemed to be constantly dark and everything seemed gloomy. Even Stella was more somber, as if she could tell something was wrong. And she probably could. She had gone from spending almost every second with her older brother to not seeing him for days on end in the blink of an eye. 

Sam still had to work. He had to force himself to go back to that damned prison with that bastard and listen to his taunting laughter through the cameras as he mocks the Warden’s pain. It takes everything in Sam to hold back and not barge into the cell and kill Dream himself. He knew that wouldn’t bring back Tommy and wouldn’t make him feel better, but even still. 

The house seemed so quiet. Even with Stella babbling and cooing, the rooms had never felt more quiet and empty. I found myself searching for Tommy’s voice, his laughter, his whole presence everyday only to be disappointed when my search came up empty. I tried to play some of his favorite music discs, but tears would fill my eyes as I realized I would never hear him sing along to them and the silence that would have usually been filled by him babbling about the disc was too deafening for me to want to listen to them again. 

The worst part, I found, was when Sam would get home. I was always happy to have my husband back. Always more than willing to hug and kiss him in a greeting. A welcome home. But everyday, I’d try to turn to greet Tommy two. I would be waiting for two blonds to appear in my home, even though I knew only one would be home. My heart would break over and over as I searched for the boy that I knew wouldn’t be there. 

I let out a sigh as I finished up the last dish I had prepared for dinner. Sam should be home from work any minute now. I set the table, thr-- two places and the food in the middle, Stella in her high chair. Now all there was to do was wait for Sam. 

As I finished up, I heard the front door open. “Honey! I’m home!” Sam’s voice called out. A soft smile placed itself on my lips as I turned around and made my way to the front door. 

“Hey honey welcome--” The sentence died on my lips as my eyes met what was at my front door. My husband had not come home alone. Instead of the one blond that I had seen come home day after day, had been joined by another blond. 

A familiar blond. 

The blond I had spent the last several days missing and mourning. 

Tommy. 

“Tommy?” My voice croaked as my eyes met his icy blue ones. 

Tears formed in the corner of his eyes as he gave me a soft smile, “Hi baba.” 

A sob let my lips as I raced forward and wrapped my arms around the middle of the boy I call my son. His arms immediately wrapped around me as he pulled me tightly to him. His face turned down and buried in my hair as I nuzzled into his chest. My fingers clutched at his shirt that rested on his back, trying to prove to myself that he was here. That Tommy was back and actually here. Here in the flesh. 

“How--How did you? Why are you? What the?” I babbled out, tilting my head up to try and look at him. 

“We can talk about it later… For now I’d just like my parents to hold me.” 

Another sob escaped my lips as I moved my head back to its original position. Sam’s strong arms wrapped around the two of us, pulling us close to him. Our little family was back together again. How? I don’t know. But I didn’t care. Tommy was back. 

The sound of Tommy’s stomach rumbling broke up from the sweet moment. I let out a small laugh as I carefully pulled away from the hug. I let my hand come up and cup the boy’s cheek. “How about you go sit at the table? I’ll get another plate.” 

He gave me a quick nod, leaning down and kissing my cheek before making his way to the table.

 “STELLA!! I MISSED YOU!”

I laughed again and turned to my husband, giving him a smile. “He’s back?” I whispered the question, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

“He’s back.” Sam confirmed, placing his hands on my hips, pulling me close to him. He then leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, one I instantly returned. The kiss said it all. Tommy was back. Our family was back. We were whole once again. And I’m going to make sure that it stays that way. 

That sucked. I’m sorry. But if you did enjoy, be sure to leave a like and maybe a reblog and comment telling me what you liked about it. Until next time!

[icequeen-07]

well hey there! hope your trip's going (went??) well ;P i saw you were lookin for laura/max requests, and i gotta tell you i've just been like, chin-in-hands thinking about those two ever since playing the quarry, so if you're feelin it, what about a peek into what you think goes down after they leave the camp once and for all?

Oh wow I haven't stopped thinking about this since you sent this in what have you done lmaoooo, it fell so far out of my hands, but happy birthday to me, here's my gift to y'all! I might cross post this bad boy onto AO3 later too 🤔 (my first time writing these two in fic form so let's see how it goes!! ^^)

edit: on ao3 now!!!

--Stay with me, I don't want you to leave--

--2.5k words, hurt/comfort, Laura/Max, title--

The clock on the wall was driving her crazy. 

Four days. Ninety six hours. 5,760 minutes. 345,600 seconds. All of them a loud ringing in her skull each time the pendulum on that stupid clock swung. Click. Click. Click. 

It had been Ninety six hours since she last saw Max on that dock. Since she last got to hold him, be near him. She was going stir crazy, agonizing over everything. People were dead because of her. Max almost died because of her. Her fingers itched. Everything itched. 

She wanted to go home. She wanted to sleep for a million years. She wanted Max. 

Fuck she wanted Max. She wanted him so bad it brought tears to her eyes as she curled her arms around herself and stared at that stupid clock. 

345,601. 345,602. 345,603. 

Click. 

Click. 

Her fingers tapped on her thigh as she stared into space, her stomach curdling from lack of food. Lack of…everything really. It’d been a long four days. 

She wondered where Max was. How was he holding up? Was he just as antsy as she was? Were they treating him okay? Was he scared? She wondered how he felt, at this very moment. Bored? Nervous? Scared? Angry?

The questions were eating her up inside, her arms coiling around her middle as she bent over. 

Click. 

Click.

She wanted to go home. 

Everything was different now. She was different. It was all unknown. 

And she was terrified. It was like staring into a big black pit and being asked to jump alone. She didn’t want to go, but she knew she had no choice in the matter. This was the path she’d chosen. 

All to save him. 

Saliva pooled in her mouth, thick and suffocating. It tasted like blood, from where she’d gnawed on her cheek too hard she guessed. 

She scratched at her thumbs, eyes darting from the clock to the door. Eternity stretched on in a few days, leaving her sick and numb. 

Where was Max?

She pulled her legs into the chair with her to curl up further, nails digging into her palms as the seconds continued to tick by. 

Click. 

Click.

Click?

Her head snapped up at the sound of the motel door unlocking. 

“Ms. Kearney?”

“Yes?” she gasped, stumbling to her feet at the sight of the police officer. Her heart thudded in her chest at the thought of more interrogations. More questions. Less Max. 

The officer had a worn face with thick eye bags and wrinkles from smiling and frowning. Her eyes were downturned and heavy as she let out a sigh. Laura felt her hopes dissolve at her fingertips at the sound but then the officer’s lips quirked up into a tiny smile. “You’re free to go.”

She stood in stunned silence before the questions coating her tongue sprung to life. “Is Max still here? Is he free to go too? Can I see my boyfriend?” she sputtered out, her hands trembling in their clenched fists. “Please, please let me see him. I-I have to…I need to see him.” Her voice trembled, cracking at the edges as she continued to stagger forward. 

The officer didn’t respond, only shifted slightly to the right to reveal the oh-so-familiar boy standing behind her. She stopped moving for a moment, her arms falling to her sides as they stared at one another for a moment. 

When he gave her that awkward little wave of his, every single emotion she had bottled up for the past four days came crashing down on her all at once; tears springing to her eyes as she launched herself at him. He let out a tiny yelp as he caught her, stumbling back a step as he spun her around. “Laura, Laura, Laura,” he murmured, petting her hair as she sobbed into his chest. “It's okay honey, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

She pawed at the fabric of his shirt, her voice coming out in thick whines as she sobbed into his chest. 

“I’m not going anywhere ever again,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head fiercely. “We’ll get you home, okay? I’m gonna get you home.”

“I wanna…” she let out a tiny gasp, unburying her face to get a good look at him. A bit scratched up from what she heard was a fall from a tree, but otherwise fine. He swiped the tears from her cheeks as she lay a trembling hand to rest on his left cheek. He leaned into it as she let out another gasp. “I wanna sleep forever,” she finished, letting out a humourless laugh. 

He kissed her forehead, down the slope of her nose to finally press the lightest kiss against the tip. “Mind if I join you?” 

This time when she laughed, it was real. It was soon followed by another sob but it was real. “Fuck, yes Max, yes. I don’t want to go anywhere without you ever again. I can’t…” more tears spilled down her cheeks as everything fell over her in waves. 

The lack of sleep. The lack of food. The stress. The blood. The nightmares. 

He hummed to her, wrapping her up in another hug. They rocked back and forth as her nose found its way into the crook of his neck. “You didn’t leave,” he murmured, their hands finding their way to one another. He was warm. She was cold, she didn’t realize how cold she was until she found herself in his arms again. 

“Of course I didn’t,” she responded, breathing him in. He smelled like cheap soap. She never wanted to leave. “I couldn’t…I would never leave you. Where you go, I go.”

He chuckled softly. “How’s home sound then?”

“Yes, please.”

He made eye contact with the officer over the top of her head, nodding once. “Thank you, for keeping her safe.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to say it, it came out a bit gruff and she was sure if he had it in him he’d growl. 

She snuggled closer, letting him tighten his grip on her shoulders. 

“You two better be gettin’ home safe now, you have a long drive ahead of ya,” the officer replied. “Phones downstairs if you need to call someone. Bus is coming in half an hour otherwise.”

He nodded again, still rocking her back and forth. The only sound after was the officer’s footsteps down the hall and his soft murmurs to her hair. “See? We can take the bus to the next town over and call my mom, she’d be happy to pick us up.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, gripping his shirt so tightly her knuckles turned white. “I’m so sorry.”

“Laura? Hun? What do you have to be sorry for?” he asked, holding her shoulders gently to push her out of the embrace to get a good look at her face. The pad of his thumb brushed the corner of her lip as his eyes searched her own for answers.

“I got us into this mess,” she whispered, the words the final nail in her metaphorical coffin. It was the truth, the honest to god truth. She got them into this mess. She was the reason Max got hurt. She was the reason he turned. She killed and maimed to fix her mistake. It was all her fault. 

Admitting it didn’t make her feel any better.

He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, hun. It happened, that’s all I can say. It happened, and we can’t change that.”

“I nearly got you killed, Max,” she said, pushing him away to wrap her arms around herself. 

“I’m still here, aren’t I? Takes a lot to get rid of ol’ Max a million.”

The joke fell on deaf ears as more tears welled in her eyes. “Shit, Laura, I didn’t mean-”

“You are, you are alive, but what if you weren’t? What if you died, Max, what then?” Everything she thought about over the past four days came bubbling out, all at once. She was a pot boiling over, and there was no stopping the hiccuped words or shocked look on his face. “Where would that leave me?”

“I didn’t die, Laura,” he said softly, reaching out to her. “It was scary, I won’t lie. I was fucking terrified. But it was never about me.” She raised a brow, he conceded with a small sigh and a little smile. “Okay maybe part of it was about me, but not all of it!” He ran his hand down her clasped arms to find her own hand, trembling. “Didn’t you stop to think, just for a moment, how I was feeling about it?” His voice was whisper soft as he threaded his fingers through hers. “I clawed out your eye, hun.”

“But that wasn’t-”

“I know,” he snapped, making her cheek twitch. “I know, but it still doesn’t make it any better because in some way it was me. It was me behind those bars, it was me reaching out.”

“It was the stupid fucking curse.”

“But it was still me.”

“I don’t believe that,” she murmured, letting him untangle her arms. “My Max would never willingly hurt me.”

He sucked in a small breath through his teeth. He ran a hand through his hair before letting out a tiny sigh. “Just like my girl wouldn’t willingly put me in danger,” he replied, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Simple as that.”

Her shoulders started to sag. “Can…can we go home now?” she asked, lifting her head to peer at him through her lashes. She was tired. She was so tired. 

Heavy bags pulled at his beautiful eyes, but his smile, as small as it was, was real. He was real. It was all real. 

And they were free. They were going home free. 

“The bus should be here soon, I told my mom to get us in the next town since it's going to be busy with the others.”

“Us?”

“Your mom is on a trip right? And your dad is too far out to get you today. My mom was itching for us to be released, so she jumped the gun and got my sisters all packed up. They really want to see you.”

She barked out a tiny gargled whine. “You didn’t…I don’t…”

He didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arm around her shoulders before planting a kiss in her hair. “Yes I do, and yes you do. We’ll go home and get you that nap, if you don’t mind me passed out beside you.”

She laughed. “I can’t think of a better place for you to be.”

His tiny hum turned into a tiny gasp as he looked at her. 

“What?”

He pulled away to crouch in front of her, his smile growing larger. “Well well well, lookie here,” he said, his smile lopsided as he brushed her cheeks with his thumbs gently, catching the tears that went astray. “Mhm, that’s right.”

She leaned into his touch, kissing the pad of his thumb. “What’s right?”

“You’ve still got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.” His brows shot up to his hairline and his smile grew into a grin. Her cheeks heated. “And woulda look at that!” He tapped the skin under her eyes, making her fight her smile. “One…” a dramatic pause before he tapped her other eye and rested his hand against her cheek. “...two. You’ve got two of them!”

She started to giggle, her nose wrinkling a bit at the gesture, his cheeks growing rosy at the sound.

“God I love making you laugh,” he said, wonder shining in his eyes. She stopped her giggles as heat climbed into her face. “It’s my favourite sound.”

“S-Stop, you don’t mean that,” she sputtered as he brushed her lips with his thumbs. 

“I do, I do mean it. I mean it more than anything else.” He surged up to kiss her, the sweetness of his words painting his lips as he leaned so far into her he was starting to lower her into a dip. 

She loved him. 

Fuck she loved him. 

She loved the way he loved making her laugh. She loved the way his eyes lit up whenever he was excited. How soft his hair was. She loved him.

And she would do it all again, if it meant getting to hold him. 

“Let’s go home,” he whispered against her lips before she pulled him back into another desperately sweet kiss. 

~~

The bus smelled something awful, but she was relieved they were finally leaving. The demon clock that haunted her for four days straight a low thud in the back of her skull as Max held her hand. 

The aisle was small, Max letting her squeeze through first to find seats in the very back by the window, just like he liked. His eyes glittered as she let him sit in the window seat, never letting go of her hand as she plopped down next to him. 

They were both exhausted, watching the bus remain empty. The low hum of the engine covered their conversation as she yawned. 

“I think…I’m gonna take a year off,” she murmured, snuggling into his side. “From…school.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You deserve it.”

“And…and I want to spend time with you.”

“What happens after?”

She yawned again. “I don’t know. I just know that wherever you are, that’s exactly where I wanna be.”

He chuckled. “You get so sappy when you’re tired.”

“Savour it while it lasts,” she giggled.

He tilted her face up to press a whisper soft kiss against her lower lip. “Can I see a smile before we go?” he murmured before kissing her again.

It was small, but she slowly felt her smile climb across her face as he continued to shower her in kisses. He kissed between her brows, pulling back to look at her. His eyes were a bit duller from the months but they were still her Max’s eyes. So large and so blue. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed again, curling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. He nipped at her lower lip once before pulling away. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. 

Warmth settled in her stomach as she curled up against his side, basking in the feeling of being closer to him. As the bus sputtered to life he kissed the top of her head and twined their fingers together.

“I love you,” she murmured, squeezing his hand as she let herself nod off.

She watched his eyes widen a bit through a tired gaze, his cheeks flushing pink before he looked down at her with a softness in those big blue eyes of his. 

Another kiss to her forehead as he whispered to her skin, “I love you too.”

She was staring into that black pit again. It called to her in a soft song with slurred words. Swirled around her ankles. 

But she wasn’t alone this time. 

Max squeezed her hand as he followed her into the unknown.