#wolffe....... (tries to act normal) (dies)

[verc0pa]

bonus: (live reaction from the ship)

[clonememesfrikyeah]

Sad Rex imagines time

1. Rex wanting to get away from everyone because he’s stressed but doesn’t have anywhere to go where he won’t be bothered so he hides in a storage closet at the end of a lesser used hall.

2. Rex is naturally blond and when he was a cadet his batch was all normal, so they kinda shunned him and bullied him because being defective is highly frowned upon in clone culture.

3. I headcanon that Rex had a little brain damage from being yeeted every 2 seconds over 3 years which caused his chip to not work properly. Rex probably also suffers from chronic pain from all the injuries he’s sustained and then had healed in a matter of days because of bacta tanks.

4. Imagine after Fives death and it’s only Kix and Jesse left, Rex tries to make new friends with some shines, and then he sees them all die in their first battle and he gives up on trying to make new friends.

5. After Tup and Fives deaths the information on how they died is classified and Rex isn’t allowed to tell Jesse and Kix how they died so they get into an argument about it and end up not speaking to each other for a long while. Its not until much later when Jesse request for ARK training that start speaking again, but they act like their walking on eggshells when their around each other. Jesse only wanted training because he promised Fives a long time ago he’d look out for Rex if anything happened to him, and he doesn’t want Fives to come back and haunt him because he didn’t keep his promise.

6. Once on a mission Rex had to be left behind because they were ambushed and he got injured in the process. Nobody was able to go get him because they had to keep moving and Rex was captured. The whole time he was captured he didn’t think anyone would come to get him because he was just one clone.

7. Cody and Rex fought over Fives case, Rex somewhat believed Fives was right, but Cody didn’t believe it at all. Things got heated and things they didn’t mean were said, what ended it was Cody suggesting Rex was too emotionally unstable and threatened to send him back to Kamino. Rex was quite taken aback by this and left without another word, but they didn’t speak at all after that and then order 66 happened and they lost contact completely.

8. As a cadet Rex’s trainers were harder on him and would give him lower scores than the rest because of his blond hair which made him defective. This caused Rex to have a lot of anxiety as a cadet, as he was constantly threatened with decommissioning for not having a high enough scores.

9. He feels really guilty about dogma, like really guilty. It should have been him to pull the trigger but it wasn’t, and now Dogmas gone and he feels it’s his fault. He understood how Dogma felt, obey orders or face being decommissioned, it’s how he felt back at the beginning of the war. He would have taken Dogma under his wing and showed him it was ok to lighten up a little. But Dogmas gone, and it was his fault.

10. Has a phobia of wide open spaces, since he grew up on Kamino and in an in closed area his whole life, so when he suddenly placed in the vast expanse of space it didn’t sit very well with him.

11. Rex and Anakin were friends but were never close until ahsoka left. Rex felt that it was only the loss of ahsokas company that brought anakin to seek his presence. He just felt like filler for ahsoka.

12. Clones don’t get sick easily, their immune to most known pathogens, but Rex can get so stressed his body can’t take it and he becomes ill.

13. Rex has major survivors guilt way before order 66 happened but after the order it got much worse.

14. Rex and Wolffe fought too. Wolffe was upset and thought ahsoka had betrayed them and had killed their brothers, but Rex knew she would never. When it came out ahsoka wasn’t guilty things were awkward between them. Wolffe and Rex were close since they’ve known each other on Kamino.

15. Ahsoka never said goodbye to Rex when she left and he was upset about it because he felt he didn’t mean enough to her to warrant a fair well.

Sorry for being angsty city on main, Im sad and my favorite trope is hurt no comfort because I need therapy. Anyway, feel free to add your own!

[padawansuggest]

I wanted an emotional AU where Rex and Wolffe come to visit Boba one day after he takes over Tatooine because they didn’t know he was still alive and they think might as well, but they don’t know what Boba’s been up to since then, they come by while Grogu is home on family time from the Jedi temple, and I thought it would be kinda sweet when they realize their brother’s husband has a son they’re parenting, but now I’m losing my shit cause I cannot imagine this being anything but hilarious?????

Wolffe and Rex: *show up 30 minutes into Grogu’s nap*

Boba: ugh these whores

Din: *comes wandering out with a baby monitor and sits on the side of Boba’s throne, looking v curiously at the two old men cause they look familiar* who dis???

Boba: These are some of my older brothers.

Din: ??? Some of????

Wolffe: wtf did he really have to point that out???? Great husband you got there thought you changed???

Boba: omfg lay off him he doesn’t even know

Din: what don’t I know? About the clone thing? Fennec said so. I don’t see an issue with it, clones aren’t just as sentient as anyone else.

Fennec: :)

Boba: ??????

Fennec: I told him you were a clone. That’s it.

Boba: …babe… so. You know that war that lead to the rise of the empire?

Din: *trauma flinch* um. Wish I didn’t. But. Yes.

Boba: *gestures to R&W* Well. We were some of the clones in it. I was a different… model… than these two.

Rex: *kindly* He means to say we were altered to age at twice the normal rate. We’re nearly the same age as him.

Din: *is awkward* Um. Oh. Okay. I… I don’t know what you want me to say? Boba, are you on friendly terms with them?

Boba: I haven’t tried to kill them in a while. So. Yes.

Din: Okay. Well, welcome. I’m glad to meet Boba’s family. The little one will be up eventually, so you can meet him too? *looks to Boba for confirmation*

Boba: *shrugs* They’re harmless enough. Sure.

Rex: *perks up* A son? You have a son?

Wolffe: Y’all I’m still lost on how this man didn’t know your background. What rock was he living under?

Din: I lived in a sewer :)

Boba: *dopey grin and chuckle* Isnt he adorable? He’s cute.

Din: I’m one of the most famed bounty hunters in the outer rim :)

Boba: He’s precious.

Rex: *awkward one now* BAby???????

Din: Yeah. He’s a Jedi.

Rex and Wolffe: !!!!!! Baby Jedi??????????

Boba: :/ yeah. He’s on hometime from his Jedi school. His master is Luke Skywalker. Not that I’m happy, exactly, to have a kriffing Skywalker teach my son, but, whatever.

Rex: *awkward again* Ahhh. I’ve heard he’s slightly less destructive than his father?

Din: :( I watched him destroy like 50 dark troopers in like five minutes. He’s pretty destructive.

Boba: *considering that to be a very tame act tbh, turns to look at his husband with hairless eyebrows up* Babe. Babe he destroyed the Death Star.

Din: The what?

All three of them: !!!!!!!

Wolffe: What sewer did you find him in again????????

Din: *tbh he’s usually used to being the least informed person in a room* :)

Rex: He’s… he’s…

Boba: He’s very pretty, I can assure you.

Rex: Oh force are we using that as a standard for spousal material now?

Boba: He’s also a good father and one of the greatest warriors I know.

Wolffe: Hmmm. Maybe those /are/ good spousal materials.

Din: *hears fussing over the baby monitor* Ahh, Grogu is awake. I’ll go get him now.

And then he brings lil baby Grogu into the throne room where Wolffe and Rex lose their shit so hard they almost choke.

[bi-naesala]

Fox isn’t surprised when he finds someone inside his shitty apartment when he opens the door, not when that someone is Thorn, since he had insisted he gave him and the rest of the Guard - or former Guard you should say - squad a key to it, just as a security measure since he insists on living alone and barely contacts them.

He just went out that day to get some groceries - yes, now instead of guarding assholes for life he just does mundane things like that one - but still, he could’ve warned him that he was going to come.

“Hey, Fox!” he says, smiling warmly at him. Even as the war went on, that smile has never lost its particular shine. How he managed is still a mystery to Fox.

“Thorn,” the other greets him, stepping inside. Despite everything he can’t help an amused huff seeing Thorn all comfortable on his couch. “I see you’ve made yourself at home already.”

“Well, you know, since I was all alone in here…” Thorn replies, before getting up and dragging Fox into a hug. “I’ve missed you, vod.”

Fox doesn’t like how easily he melts at the contact, but by now he’s gotten used to it. He receives so little physical affection that when he actually does it’s so intense that he almost cries - almost.

“I’ve missed you too.”

 Since he’s there, Thorn makes himself useful by helping him with the groceries, putting them in the places they belong to.

“So… wanna come to 79’s later?” he asks, closing the fridge but not before taking a bottle of water and drink it like this was his home and he could do anything he wants with no repercussions. It’s all Fox’s fault: he let him get away with it at first in the name of hospitality, and now it’s gotten out of control. Oh well, it’s not like he can order him to stop now - he doesn’t have a rank anymore.

A sigh leaves his lips then. This isn’t the first time Thorn has attempted something like this, but by now he should know how it’s going to end.

“No.”

 If his dry answer fazes Thorn at all, he doesn’t show any sign of it.

“Okay. How about tomorrow?”

Fox shakes his head. “No.”

Now Thorn’s enthusiasm begins to look a bit deflated, but he still doesn’t lose hope.

“Would you like to come any day this week?”

“No.”

This time a sigh leaves Thorn’s lips.

“Alright maybe let’s not go to 79’s,” he says, “How about somewhere else? Dex? You used to love Dex! Or we could go to this nice place Thire told me about--”

“Thorn.”

“Yes?”

“I’m not coming.” Fox gestures to the other. “If you want to have fun go, I’m not stopping you. Just leave me out of it.”

Thorn takes a deep breath.

“Why are you so determined to be stuck in your little hole?!” he asks, exasperation overflowing at every word, “You have the right to have a life! Nobody’s going to deny you that anymore!”

Unlike Thorn, Fox isn’t a fool; he knows that his situation is not as easy as he makes it out to be: even if the Clones Rights Bill has been approved, it’ll take some time before the rest of the galaxy will see them as actual people, and Fox himself isn’t also exactly loved by his vode.

He doesn’t blame them: he was the one who raised his blaster against one of his own; he didn’t kill him only because he had missed his heart by a small margin.

If he wasn’t exactly well-loved before - it goes with being a Corrie, as they called it - from that point on he became absolutely hated. He doesn’t blame them nor he tries to justify himself, even as he has to admit he doesn’t have many memories of that day in the first place; still, he’s not a coward and he refuses to hide behind such a pathetic excuse.

 The thing is this: Fox doesn’t belong anywhere anymore; he knows there isn’t a place in which he’s welcome.

It’s fine, solitude isn’t that bad, even if it wasn’t supposed to be part of any of their lives, but he’s gotten used to it.

Besides…

 “I do get out. In fact, I just came home after I got out.” It’s a weak retort, but someone has to make that point. As expected in fact, Thorn’s completely unimpressed with that comeback.

“Grocery shopping doesn’t count.”

“Not just that,” Fox weakly mutters.

He’s not lying though! Two days ago he got out to meet with Bly! Sure, they have avoided going to 79’s or any other clone created space, but they still saw each other, they still went for a walk, they still talked, they still acted like friends.

Of his old batch, Bly is the one Fox sees most; it used to be Ponds, but then… Fox doesn’t want to think about that. Apparently Bly has forgotten that his brothers can take care of themselves and has the need to be act like a mother even when that’s totally unnecessary - nevermind how relieved Fox feels when he comes visiting, that’s totally unrelated.

With Wolffe he mostly speaks via comms; they guy is still so busy trying to find a place for the Wolfpack, and although Fox doesn’t blame him - he would’ve done the same for the Guard - he’s glad that his men managed to find it on their own.

Hell, even Cody makes himself known from time to time, even though it’s mostly by sending holos from his most recent travels - yes, he always said that he wanted to explore the galaxy after the war, and now the son of a bantha is truly doing it.

Excluding his batch, the only people that remember his existence are Stone and Thire, who make a point to visit when they can, and Thorn, who is the one who bothers him most often.

 No matter how you put it, in the end Fox is very much alone.

It’s just self-preservation, nothing more nothing less, really: the Coruscant Guard has always been in a weird spot, because they’ve been looked down by the majority of the vode for not fighting frontline.

Now, with the discovery of Palpatine’s true identity, things have only gotten worse because they’ve been suspected of working with him, as if they haven’t been simply other pawns for him to manipulate. Not that they have ever been accused directly - except from some drunk vod at 79’s - but it was easy drawing conclusions with the way they were looked at, or the general distrust that the vode reserved them, like they could still be working against them.

At least Fox has managed to shift the blame around so that instead of “the Guard worked with Palpatine” people go around saying that only Fox did. His reputation is already damaged beyond repair, so why not? At least the others will get that second chance at life that he knows he wouldn’t get either way.

Deep down, very deep down, he envies them, because they truly are free, unlike him, who will be chained to his past crimes until the day he dies and probably even after - he shivers just thinking about how he’ll be remembered by the future generation, if he’ll be remembered at all.

Still, it all becomes meaningless in front of the pure joy he feels when they narrate him the last shenanigans they get themselves involved in. They are truly free and happy now, and Fox is happy for them.

 … If sometimes he wishes their places were switched, that he was the one who could live freely as his heart desires, well, that’s something only for him to know and keep secret.

Sometimes he thought about confiding in Thorn, the only one he’d ever consider burdening with this stuff, but every time he decides to do he quickly changes his mind; it’s not worth it.

Now more than ever he wants to scream, not even at Thorn in particular, just scream, as if all his anguish and problems would disappear just with that. It would be too good to be true

It’s not that he doesn’t want to get out, it’s just that he can’t. It’s not safe, it’s not…

He’s afraid of all the stares he’d get, of all the words that would be thrown at him. Normally it wouldn’t phase him - he’s used to it - but day by day he’s becoming more susceptible to his emotions again; it almost makes him miss that time when he was so detached to seem almost a droid. At least he could get things done back then, not like now that he has to mentally prepare himself to go out at least one day before.

 At least now he’s free, however, isn’t he?

Technically he could go wherever he wants, could do whatever he wants, if only… No, he can’t. People wouldn’t be happy to have him around.

 Thorn tries again. He’s gotten so close to Fox that if he was someone else Fox would’ve already tried to put some distance between them, but with Thorn he’s used to it.

“Fox, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t. I--” Kark, his voice is breaking.

“Nobody’s stopping you. In fact, the only one stopping you is yourself, trust me,” Thorn reassures him. “I know you still feel guilty, but most vode have gotten over it. In the end we were all in a shitty situation. Besides, you did hesitate in the end, didn’t you? That’s why Fives is still alive and why we discovered who the Sith Lord was.”

What Thorn is saying makes sense, but this doesn’t mean that it’s easy for Fox to accept it; after so much time spent with self-hatred as his only constant companion, he can’t act like he never thought any bad things about himself. Besides, he doubts the rest of the vode really have forgiven him.

Still, Thorn wouldn’t lie about this, because as much as the fool still insists on wanting to cheer him up, he knows that he won’t accomplish anything by telling lies - actually, he’d make things even worse - and there’s still the fact that deep down Fox wants to leave his place, wants to do something with his life, but… it’s scary.

 “Even if I decide to leave, it’ll take time before I can organize anything,” he says, because it’s so much easier saying that rather than to admit that he’s the one who needs time.

These last months have been hard for everybody, but nobody talks about how especially hard they’ve been for Fox. He’s just so tired of everything.

Yes, that’s it, he’s tired. If he could he’d disappear without leaving any trace, but he knows that if he does someone would come searching for him; in the end there are some people that care about him, but at this point Fox wishes they didn’t because it would make his situation easier: he wouldn’t hold onto that love he still scarcely receives anymore, he wouldn’t suffer because it’s still so little.

Whose fault is that anyway? It’s his. It’s him the one who keeps pushing people away. It’s just that he craves and hates the attention at the same time, a contradiction that he still hasn’t sorted out.

 He’s so focused on trying not to lose it in front of Thorn that he barely notices him moving them to the couch. He does feel it however when he closes his arms around him, when he kisses his forehead, when he says that it’s fine, that it’s ok, that he’s safe.

Fox has gone so long without allowing this kind of softness in his life, but damn he missed it. If he began to let people closer again it might happen more often, but how is he supposed to do it?

 He doesn’t know how much time passes before he gathers enough strength to speak. He won’t lie: staying like this almost makes him want to curl into a ball and fall asleep in the security of Thorn’s arms, but it’s something that Fox would rather avoid, at least for now. Maybe in the future he might be able to let go and actually do it.

“I want to leave,” he eventually says.

“Leave to where?” Thorn asks.

“I don’t know, but I want to travel.”

“We can do that,” Thorn replies, smiling at Fox, “We can do whatever we want.”

Yes it’s true, they can…

“You think Thire and Stone would want to come? It would be nice having the squad back together.”

“I’m sure they’d love it.”

Fox doesn’t know if Thorn’s actually right, but it’s reassuring to hear him say that.

 For now he’ll bask in his brother’s warmth for a bit longer. They can plan another time - there’s no rush after all.

The idea of the outside isn’t something he’s still entirely comfortable with, but Fox would also be lying if he said that he isn’t looking forward to exploring it. Coruscant is pretty and all… but he’s grown tired of it.

He might still not have found his place in the new word, but who knows, maybe there’s hope for him yet.

[lilhawkeye3]

Find Your Way Back Home, Ch 5

Riyo Chuchi x Commander Wolffe, Riyo Chuchi x Commander Fox

Rating: T |||| Word Count: 2.1k |||| Set Post Order 66

AO3 Link

previous • next

Riyo’s heart was in her throat as she slipped out of Wolffe’s room that morning, hair slightly disheveled from her pillow’s thickly woven fabric. She hadn’t meant to sleep in so late, but tried to crush her lingering guilt by reminding herself that she hadn’t slept that well in months now.

She came to an abrupt stop when she spotted Rex standing in the kitchen, staring out the window at the fields of javun with a steaming cup of tea in his hands. He looked back over his shoulder at her with a soft smile.

“How is he?” Nothing could get by the captain, especially in such small quarters with two of the people he held dear to him.

Riyo offered a tired smile. “Healing. Able to hold a conversation, and be sarcastic,” she added as an afterthought, feeling pleased when Rex chuckled. “I think he’ll be alright.”

The blond’s smile turned bittersweet. “As alright as the rest of us,” he sighed.

Her shoulders drooped. “I suppose so.”

He grimaced apologetically and turned away, back to the window and the world outside. “Sorry, that was rude of me.”

“But not untrue.” Riyo made her way around the kitchen, snatching her favorite mug from the drying rack and a reusable tea bag from her cabinet before preparing a drink with the hot water pot and tea leaves Rex had left out on the counter.

He spoke up as she poured water into the ceramic mug. “I’m glad it was you.”

She nearly spilled the pot all over herself with how much she jolted in surprise. “Pardon?”

Rex was looking at her again, eyes a deep gold in the morning light. “I’m glad it was you here.” He lifted his drink to his mouth, but not in time to hide his sly smile. “I don’t think there’s anyone else that could really help him now. And I know Ahsoka’s been glad to see a friendly face.”

Riyo blinked at him vacantly for several long seconds. “And you?” She asked, choosing to side-step dealing with the confused swirl of emotions that now filled her.

Rex smirked, clearly knowing she was avoiding it. “I found it nice to see that someone held true to their oaths.”

Her mind flashed back to when she’d first met Rex and his men, the renowned 501st Battalion. Orto Plutonia had been an unhappy experience, but one that she had grown much from. Seeing the lives of so many men cut short over miscommunication and greed, learning that her people were in the wrong, treating with a proud nation despite being uncertain of her place.

“‘To die for one’s people is a great sacrifice. To live for them, a greater sacrifice. I choose to live,’” she recited, those words seared into her soul until the day she died. She met his gaze with a steady look and a raised eyebrow. “What do you choose, Rex?”

He met her stare with an equally quirked brow, as if to say I’m here, aren’t I? “I live for my brothers that haven’t been freed. I live for the ones that already breathed their last.” He paused. “I live for her.”

Ahsoka.

“She chose you,” Riyo said slowly, parsing out his hidden message. “She saved you.”

“Yes.”

“She saved you… but at the cost of your brothers.”

He sucked in a breath. “Yes.”

Riyo closed her eyes, feeling the pain that rolled off him in waves. “And you blame her for it, yet you owe her everything.” She opened her eyes, and the devastated look on Rex’s face showed she’d guessed correctly.

“Sometimes, I wish she’d let me die with them,” he whispered into his mug, watching several stray tea leaves swirl in a gentle pattern. “To see them living, but not really alive– ” He trailed off, searching for something, anything to keep him afloat. Riyo rushed forward, gently taking the mug from his hands and setting it aside before wrapping her arms around his waist. She hoped he wouldn’t take offense– they’d never been close– but he readily clung to her, breaths coming in ragged pants as everything finally overwhelmed him.

She wondered if he hadn’t allowed himself to feel until now, in this safe haven on a forgotten planet.

“It’s a fate worse than death,” he finished, fingers clutching at her knitted sweater.

Riyo stroked his back, trying to help soothe him. “It is for you and them,” she murmured. “You can grieve for what you lost. You’re safe here.” She felt him tremble against her and tried to hold him tighter. “Would… would you like to come help me in the fields today? Ahsoka can stay here; she’ll be able to monitor Wolffe and come get us if needed.”

Rex exhaled shakily, but she could feel some of the tension leave him at the temporary escape she was giving him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

It seemed that Wolffe wasn’t the only trooper under her roof that she’d be helping to heal.

————————

Riyo woke Ahsoka after she’d gone to get dressed for the day. She wasn’t about to leave the house without alerting her friend, seeing that her and Rex disappearing with no notice could trigger a traumatic response. As it was, Ahsoka opened one eye to listen to Riyo’s explanation of where they’d be before mumbling her thanks and burrowing back under her blankets.

And so Riyo and Rex went out into the juvan fields.

They talked while they worked. Rex spoke of the brothers he’d lost, Riyo of the friends among the Corries. Color returned to his face and light to his eyes as the day went on and the memories piled up. By the time the afternoon light began to fade, he was able to laugh over some of the shenanigans his Torrent squad had got up to.

Ahsoka watched them both with curious eyes when they returned, but she didn’t comment. Instead, she told them that while Wolffe had been muttering on and off in his sleep, he hadn’t yet woken up again. Riyo made sure to set aside some of their soup that evening for him, thinking that he might finally be stable enough to eat. When dinner was finished, Riyo left Ahsoka and Rex to their low conversation as they spoke over washing dishes in the kitchen to check on Wolffe. To her surprise, he seemed to just then be waking.

The savory smell of the soup in her hands caught his attention first, and by the way his stomach rumbles, food was definitely what he needed. After a quick check to his bandages, Riyo held the bowl and helped him sip directly from it, finding that to be easier than trying to use a spoon. It was a slow and steady process, but she wanted to make sure Wolffe didn’t eat too fast and consequently vomit it up because his body couldn’t handle so much after so long asleep.

He seemed to be keeping it down well, to her relief, but then Wolffe mentioned needing to use the fresher, and a whole new set of obstacles arose. The first they barely managed to overcome as Riyo helped Wolffe stand by letting him lean heavily on her, and together they shuffled out of the room and to the fresher.

The second wasn’t as difficult physically, but still proved to be problematic on its own.

Riyo glares at him, unimpressed. “Can you even get your pants off by yourself?”

Wolffe’s indignant expression makes her fight back laughter. “Of course I can–” he starts, curling downwards slightly to try and pull them down far enough, but the crunch flares up his chest wound and he hisses. “Fine.”

Riyo sighed. “Wolffe, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I had to change you into these when you got here. Besides, I often walked through the Corrie barracks on my own, and one time I made a wrong turn and ended up in the Flash squadron locker room, and–”

“Alright, alright. Your point has been made,” he groaned with a roll of his eyes, and she finally caved in and laughed.

“Come on, then.” He held still as she carefully pulled down the sweatpants and underclothes, being sure not to aggravate his thigh injury. She’d been honest about seeing him bare not bothering her; anatomy was anatomy, and it was nothing to be ashamed of or shy away from, especially when acting as an impromptu medic. “There, is that good?”

“Yeah, I can–” Wolffe shifted slightly and accidentally put weight on his bad leg, nearly falling if he hadn’t tightened his hold around Riyo’s shoulders. Her hands shot out to brace his waist and keep him from toppling over.

“You’ll be able to do this alone soon, but not yet,” she reaffirmed. Closing her eyes, she jerked her chin towards the toilet. “Get busy, soldier.”

“Hilarious,” Wolffe deadpanned, but Riyo could feel him relax under her fingertips. She’d hoped her nonchalant manner would be similar enough to any medical care he’d had before, and it looks like her bet had paid off. She was a statue, solid and silent next to Wolffe as he relieved himself for the first time since waking. He was trembling from standing for so long by the time he finished, and didn’t say a word as Riyo helped him redress, wash off, and return to the bedroom. She knew how hard it was to accept help after spending so long being someone others relied on, and to be in a situation where he had no other option than to accept her generosity was bound to be even more difficult.

The unwitting sigh of relief that slipped through his lips as she guided him to lay back down on the bed was evidence of how taxing the short trip was. It worried Riyo. If he was to try and go anywhere further than the fresher, he’d need someone much stronger than her to steady him, and she didn’t know how long Rex or Ahsoka were planning to stay. She was already surprised they’d remained for this long, but she figured Rex wanted to make sure his brother was definitely alright before leaving him again.

“Thank you.”

She looked up from maneuvering the blankets back over his legs at Wolffe’s raspy voice. He was watching her again, appearing just as defeated as he had in the low light the night before. His eyes were flat, his face shadowed and paler than it normally was, which only served to heighten his haunted form.

“You’re welcome,” she finally replied after several moments of silence. “How do you feel now?”

He closed his eyes and let his head sink back into the pillows. “Tired.”

Riyo smiled lightly. “You need to rest. Can you drink some water before you go back to sleep?”

Wolffe hummed, which she took to be affirmative. When she returned with a mug of cool water, it was to find Wolffe had already propped himself up and was looking somewhat expectantly towards her. She held the mug to his lips again so he could drink and distracted herself by watching the way his eyes fluttered shut as he emptied the mug. With that done, she set it aside on the bedside table and hovered in case Wolffe couldn’t arrange himself comfortably on his back. To her delight, he was able to do it himself, albeit with shaking arms. Some progress was better than none at all.

Dusk was truly settling in and the room was beginning to grow darker with each passing second, so Riyo murmured a polite excuse and moved to leave. She was stopped by Wolffe’s hesitant call of her name.

“Yes?” Hopefully he wasn’t in too much pain…

“Can you…” His words died off as he gestured weakly towards the floor next to his bed.

Oh. “Of course I’ll stay,” Riyo agreed. “Let me wash up and change, and then I’ll be back.”

————————

His eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell in a steady, slow rhythm by the time she slipped back into the room. His arm dangled awkwardly off the side of the bed so his knuckles brushed the chilled floor. This time Riyo was the one to take his hand in hers and rest them on her pillow, next to her head. He was warm and solid, something real that grounded her as she drifted off to sleep.

It was too dark for her to see the weary smile on Wolffe’s face as his thumb rubbed gentle circles against her palm before he too was out like a light.

[tinypnut]

Thoughts

Wolffe x Reader

@kriffingunlucky

~Prompt~

I need soft, a soft something. Something where the reader has anxiety and or depression, or even schizophrenia, and she gets proper comfort. I need this. Or she’s overwhelmed with life and doubting why she is even here, where she wonders why everyone leaves her. Why nobody actually likes her. Why nobody even cares enough to support her like she does them. Where she’s everybody’s shoulder to cry on but she goes into her room and cries at 3 am. When everybody is finally asleep. Where she zones out when people talk and her gut wrenches when she thinks about tomorrow. How she’s afraid to speak because she gets cut down. She stares at her body with disgust. She hates herself.

(I’m sorry in advance if its a little slow in the beginning and then rushed at the end, it’s been a while since I’ve written so I’m a little rusty. I also apologize if Wolffe is OOC)

Words: 2,175

TW: Mentions of suicide and depression

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You were on break when it happened, you were having a simple conversation about the war and the effort towards it. The conversation itself was like any other that you’d taken part in. ‘How’ve you been doing since you were last deployed? What’s it like on the front lines? Have we gained any ground? Is this war really worth all of the pain, bloodshed, and death?’ but for some reason, something struck you, deep searing pain in your chest, a fog flowing over your mind and it just kept getting darker and thicker. It begins to feel suffocating as the days continued. This was a feeling you hadn’t felt in years, the pain, the darkness the fear, everything. Yes there was the pain and fear on the battlefield, but this was a different one. Daily conversations became harder to keep up with, getting out of bed was difficult. It was like a weight has placed itself upon you and can’t be lifted. Memories flooded your thoughts constantly, haunted your dream and it just wouldn't stop. All the men lost, your family, everyone, it just wasn't right, it wasn't fair. This war had been raging on for so long and for what? You weren't making a difference, every battle more men were lost, body counts rising each time, the kaminoans treating the clones as if they were a product on an assembly line like droids and not real people. But what could you do? You felt worthless, meaningless, nothing mattered. You joined the GAR to make a difference, to help those in need because you didn't have a family, no one back home to worry if you'd come home or not. It was just that and nothing else, or at least it was that at first. As time went on the Troopers in the GAR, specifically the 104th, became your family, they gave you a reason to continue he gave you a reason. But right now, nothing mattered, all you felt was a growing numbness, an emptiness that just kept growing. A smile felt forced, nothing was genuine anymore and it hurt but you had no one.

Why bother Wolffe? He shouldn't have to deal with this from me, he’s probably busy anyway he has to get ready...

You sat in your quarters not caring that you were shipping out the next day again, in fact you hadn't left your quarters all day, to be honest. Currently you sat at the edge of your bed your head in your hands. Your eyes were wide and you hadn't even registered the tears falling to the floor.

Wolffe hid his concern well as he strode through the halls of the barracks looking for you, he hadn’t seen you much during leave which was odd, very odd in fact. Whenever you and his battalion were on leave you would never hesitate to spend time with him. You would normally get cleaned up and then wait for him to finish his debrief. Afterward, you would pester him to leave his work be and take a break from it all. He found it refreshing even if he never actually admitted it. This time however it seemed as if you had avoided him the entire time and today he didn’t see you in the halls at all. Wolffe was worried, did he say something to offend you. Though that was unlikely due to his lack of word use most of the time. Were you tired of him? His chest tightened at the thought. He may not always say how much he loves you but he definitely shows it through his actions. Was that not enough? He gripped his helmet as he walked checking all of your favorite places to go while on leave, which also included checking up on the 501st.

You let out a shaky breath but soon unraveled, you let out a broken choked sob as you cried. You covered your face trying to hide away from eyes that weren’t even there.

I cant...I just...its my fault they’re dead, it’s all my fault! I can’t do anything right I’m worthless. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything right. Nobody cares, nobody cares about me, it all an act. They pity me, its a joke, they are all gonna leave me, everyone does eventually. They all hate me, I’m a burden! Why the hell am I here anyway? What does it matter? Wolffe doesn’t care about me does he? I’m just there to distract him, a doll, that’s what I am…. But I love him...and he, he means so much to me I love him. Wolffe... I can’t tell him, he’ll think I’m weak…

These thoughts just kept repeating themselves over and over and over again and they wouldn’t stop. It was a pounding against your head, you gripped your hair and began to pull, sobs were heard in your quite quarters. You bit your lip as more than rust repetitive thoughts fill your head. You began to see the dead, your family, your friends, everyone. Their lifeless eyes boring into your furthering you to convince yourself that it was your fault that they died, that if you tried harder they wouldn’t have died. You let out a whimper as you curled up on your bed.

It’s all my fault, I can’t do this anymore...all the pain, the suffering, no one would care that I’m gone….I’ve tried, I’ve tried for so long but I’ll never be good enough...I-

Your thoughts were cut off by a knock on your door. 

“(Y/N)...” The gruffness of the voice was unmistakable, it was Wolffe. “(Y/N I know you’re in there, open up.” he continued but you didn’t budge. You may have been craving comfort and contact with others, you were desperate for it but your pride was currently pushing your mental stability out the window. He couldn’t see you now, what would he think of you?

Maybe if I wait long enough he’ll leave…

That, however, was not the case. There was a somewhat aggravated grumble from the other side of the door. Wolffe was well known for lacking patience and even though he loves you he is getting slightly fed up with you avoiding him all of leave. He shifted his helmet to under his other arm and punched in the code to the door to your room. When you heard the door open your froze now mentally cursing yourself for giving him your passcode.

“Cyar’ika, what the hell is going o-” When his gaze finally made out your form curled up in your bed he quieted and took a step closer. “(Y/N)?” he questioned softly hesitantly almost. Your form curled up more as you tried to hide from him and sniffled slightly.

“I-I’m fine Wolffe…” Though your voice drastically betrayed you.

He narrowed his gaze and moved further into your room and set his helmet on the desk beside your bed. Wolffe then sat down on the edge of the bed and gazed down at you. He remained quiet, unsure of what to say. He placed his hand gently down on your side and rubbed with his thumb.

“Cyar’ika...what’s wrong?” He questioned. Then gentleness of his voice sent you over the edge again and your let out another sob. He shifted and carefully took your hands away from your face. His eyes pierced yours and they seemed to cause you to melt. You sat up and hugged him tightly not caring about his uncomfortable plastoid armor. Tears streamed down your face and Wolffe was somewhat confused but held you close regardless. He rested his head atop yours and rubbed circles on your back in a means to comfort you. “(Y/N)...I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you…” He said softly. You bit your lip debating if you should really tell him what’s going on or not.

“I….Wolffe I” You bit your lip trying to compose yourself. “D-Do….Do you love me?” she questioned hesitantly. Wolffe pulled away slightly and fear filled you. He gazed down at you and placed his hand on your cheek.

“Of course I do (Y/N)....what makes you think that I don’t?” his brows knitted together and you look away.

“I can’t I don’t….” Tears streamed down your face again and your clenched your fists “These thoughts they won’t leave me! I’m not good enough! I’ll never be good enough! It’s my fault your brothers keep dying! It’s my fault my family is dead! I can still see them….their lifeless eyes starring back at me, the fire, the blood, everything! I can’t save anyone! I’m utterly worthless Wolffe! People don’t care, do you know how many times I’ve tried talking to people and I get interrupted by another and my original conversation was forgotten? Being overlooked all the time? Not being good enough, to begin with? Having so many expectations and being an utter disappointment regardless?! I’ve tried so hard for so long Wolffe, the smiles, ignoring all the abuse from others, the nightmares, the fakeness of it all? I’ve tried so long to be strong but I can’t...I-I can’t keep doing this...Wolffe…I...I joined the GAR to help others...but ultimately it was just to die….but then I met you...Master Plo, the whole pack...You became my family but I just….I….a...a part of me is waiting for you all to leave me...like everyone else has…” at first you were crying as you spoke but as you continued your voice became meek and your tears had stopped flowing. Your gaze remained down at the bed.

Now he understood, his heart sunk as you spoke, he knew of the pain you spoke of. Weight on your chest and fog in your mind. He and his brothers may have been bred for war but he knew. He knew of all of it, you’ve had enough of the war and you snapped. He would be lying if he said he was expecting this but he really wasn’t, you had a wall that was almost as strong as his, a part of him was proud for staying stong but ultimately he was worried for you, he hated seeing you in pain and cursed himself for not noticing this sooner.

“Wolffe?” You questioned hesitantly as you looked up at him. He seemed to be in a relative daze as he gazed at you. When he heard you call his name he blinked. He ran his fingers through your hair with his other hand keeping one on your cheek.

“Cyar’ika, You are the strongest, talented, and greatest person I have ever met. These thoughts, I can’t promise that they will leave you but that’s all they are. Thoughts. No one will leave you, I most certainly won’t. I understand what you feel, the fear, the pain, everything. You are allowed to feel these things but don’t ever give up. Keep fighting because you are my world, I don’t know what I would do if you left. Nothing can erase what happened, no one can change the past and no one knows what the future will hold. You can always come to me (Y/N), you have my support Cyar’ika. I can only comfort you when you come to me though. I hate seeing you in such pain, this war. I don’t know when it will end and I can’t promise that we won’t lose anyone else but we have to keep fighting, and I can assure you that no one hates you. But I can’t speak for the seps” He smiled slightly towards the end. You cracked a subtle smile and rested your head against his plastoid armor. 

“Thank you Wolffe...for being here…” You said softly, you were definitely not 100% back to normal but you did feel like the weight on your chest had been lifted, even if it was just a little bit.

“Anytime (Y/N)” Wolffe held you close sighing softly “(Y/N)?” Your eyes were shut and you hummed “I Love you Cyar’ika, and I always will” He pressed a gentle kiss atop your head and your smile grew. Wolffe didn’t say he loved you out loud that often but when he did you could practically feel the love that flowed from it and enveloped you. A warmth filled your chest and you let out a content sigh.

“I love you too Wolffe” 

He shifted and stripped himself of his armor leaving him in only his blacks. He laid down pulling you with him. He held you close against his chest, arms around you in a protective manner. 

“I will protect you (Y/N), now and forever. No one will hurt you while I’m here” He said as drowsiness crept upon him. You shifted your hand to intertwine your fingers together and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. You closed your eyes falling asleep in your lover’s arms, that squeeze speaking volumes to Wolffe.

[orbemnews]

Cash Walks Company America rethinks political donations Large companies typically donate to each political events and say that their assist is tied to slender problems with particular curiosity to their industries. That grew to become more and more fraught final week, after a pro-Trump mob stormed the Capitol and a few Republican lawmakers tried to overturn Joe Biden’s win within the presidential election. A flurry of firms have since reviewed political giving by way of their company political motion committees. Some huge banks are pausing all political donations: Goldman Sachs is freezing donations by its PAC and can conduct “a radical evaluation of how individuals acted throughout this era,” a spokesman, Jake Siewert, instructed DealBook. JPMorgan Chase is halting donations by its PAC for six months. “There will likely be loads of time for campaigning later,” stated Peter Scher, the financial institution’s head of company accountability. Citigroup is placing all marketing campaign contributions on maintain for 1 / 4. “We wish you to be assured that we are going to not assist candidates who don’t respect the rule of legislation,” Candi Wolff, the financial institution’s head of presidency affairs, wrote in an inner memo. Some firms are pausing donations to particular politicians: Marriott stated it would pause donations from its PAC “to those that voted in opposition to certification of the election,” a spokeswoman instructed DealBook. Blue Cross Blue Protect, Boston Scientific and Commerce Bancshares are taking an identical, focused strategy to donation freezes. The e-newsletter In style Info is monitoring the responses of those and different firms that donated to lawmakers who challenged the election outcome. A pause is just not everlasting. The suspensions coincide with the primary quarter after a presidential election, which is often gentle on fund-raising anyway. Efforts by some firms to pause PAC donations to all lawmakers — those that voted to uphold the election in addition to those that sought to overturn it — are elevating eyebrows. And firms can nonetheless give to “darkish cash” teams that don’t disclose their donors however typically increase far more cash than company PACs. Right here’s an intriguing query: Will firms ask for his or her a refund? Ken Gross, a accomplice on the legislation agency Skadden, stated he hadn’t seen proof of that, however he famous that the pauses could also be extended, relying on “how the mud settles” on potential impeachment proceedings and the character of the debates over Mr. Biden’s cupboard nominees. Company PACs aren’t the one teams below scrutiny. The Republican Attorneys Normal Affiliation is taking warmth following stories {that a} fund-raising arm, the Rule of Regulation Protection Fund, urged individuals to march on the Capitol. A number of firms instructed DealBook that they had been reviewing their assist of the group, although none stated they deliberate to chop ties. (Most famous that they supported attorneys basic from each events, a difficulty Andrew addressed in a column final yr.) A consultant for the affiliation stated that it and the Rule of Regulation Protection Fund “had no involvement within the planning, sponsoring or the group of Wednesday’s occasion.” Right here’s what we heard from among the huge company donors to the group: “We’re appalled and condemn these actions within the strongest potential phrases and have communicated that to R.A.G.A.,” stated John Demming, a spokesman for Comcast, which donated $200,000 final yr, in line with Documented. The corporate would search “assurances that they take steps to make sure that nothing like this may occur once more,” he stated. Randy Hargrove, a spokesman for Walmart, which donated $140,000, stated: “As we conduct our evaluation over the approaching months, we will definitely issue final week’s occasions into our course of.” Ann Moore, a spokeswoman for Coca-Cola, which donated $50,000, stated: “We constantly re-evaluate our memberships, and we’ll proceed to take action with final week’s occasion in thoughts.” In different fallout: The P.G.A. of America stated it will not maintain its signature championship on the Trump Nationwide Golf Membership in Bedminster, N.J.; the social app Parler, in style amongst conservatives as a substitute for Twitter, went darkish this morning after Amazon minimize it off from computing providers; the cost processor Stripe banned the Trump marketing campaign from utilizing its providers; YouTube blocked Steve Bannon’s podcast channel; and the debate continues over tech giants’ affect over public speech. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING U.S. states battle to roll out coronavirus vaccines. New York abruptly loosened its pointers, after medical suppliers had been pressured to discard doses due to difficulties discovering certified sufferers. Florida’s distribution plans are in disarray as demand far outstrips provide. And federal officers are being criticized for supplying syringes that can’t effectively extract all of the liquid from vials. Chicago takes warmth for its plan to reopen public faculties. Greater than 6,000 college students are set to return as we speak, however a significant proportion of the town’s academics aren’t anticipated to point out up, as their union argues that the plan doesn’t defend their well being. The voting machine maker Dominion sues a Trump ally for $1.3 billion. Dominion accused Sidney Powell, a lawyer who pushed baseless election conspiracy theories in regards to the firm, of defamation. The lawsuit, the corporate stated, is supposed to “set the file straight.” Investigators look at the most recent Boeing crash. The airplane concerned, which took off from the Indonesian capital of Jakarta and was stated to be carrying 62 individuals, was a workhorse mannequin, the 737-500, with a good security file. Crypto’s wild journey continues. Bitcoin fell 11 % in a single day, whereas Ether and different high cryptocurrencies plunged as effectively. Some analysts speculated that buyers had been locking in income after the value of Bitcoin doubled over the previous month. Jay Timmons makes a press release Amid the flurry of company condemnations of final week’s violence on the Capitol, one stood out. In its assertion, the Nationwide Affiliation of Producers referred to as out President Trump immediately and urged Vice President Mike Pence to contemplate eradicating him to “protect democracy.” The Instances’s Jim Tankersley, Peter Eavis and DealBook’s Lauren Hirsch obtained the again story of the unexpectedly extreme assertion, maybe the starkest signal of company America’s break with the Trump administration. As soon as a dependable conservative ally, the commerce group has hosted Mr. Trump at annual conferences, labored carefully along with his administration on deregulation and tax cuts, and gave Ivanka Trump an award final yr. N.A.M.’s president, Jay Timmons, has lengthy ties to the Republican Occasion, and beforehand served as chief of employees to Senator George Allen of Virginia. What modified? Fairly doubtless, the explanation that the group was in a position to communicate out so forcefully final week was that Mr. Timmons did not ballot the board’s membership earlier than issuing the assertion (he declined to say whom he did seek the advice of). When The Instances reached out to the corporate’s board members, most referred to their very own vaguely worded statements condemning the violence. Few would touch upon N.A.M.’s name for the removing of Mr. Trump. Mr. Timmons has develop into more and more dismayed by the Trump White Home, and when his father died from Covid-19 final month, he launched a press release by way of N.A.M. by which he blamed “careless” conduct by individuals inspired by “nationwide leaders” who weren’t urging masks or different precautions. After a pro-Trump mob stormed the Capitol, “it was a transparent and current menace to our democracy,” Mr. Timmons instructed The Instances. “I believed it was vital to talk up.” The week forward The Home is anticipated to vote as quickly as Tuesday on impeaching President Trump for a second time. However the Senate gained’t take up a trial till at the least Jan. 19, in line with Senator Mitch McConnell. Home lawmakers may also vote on a decision calling on the cupboard to take away Mr. Trump by invoking the twenty fifth Modification. Right now, the Paycheck Safety Program reopens for small-business debtors, by way of a choose group of group lenders. Additionally as we speak, American inventory exchanges will delist Chinese language firms focused by a Trump administration govt order (and American banks are dropping linked funding automobiles in Hong Kong because of this). Large banks start reporting their newest earnings, with Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase and Wells Fargo releasing numbers on Friday. A busy week for I.P.O.s is anticipated to see firms increase greater than $4 billion, together with greater than $1 billion for Playtika and debuts for Affirm, Petco and others. Unique: Former WWE execs introduce a brand new fund George Barrios and Michelle Wilson — the previous co-presidents of World Wrestling Leisure who abruptly left the corporate a yr in the past — are saying their subsequent venture as we speak: Isos Capital Administration, an funding agency centered on media, leisure and sports activities. The thought was hatched in the summertime. Mr. Barrios and Ms. Wilson are veterans of the sports activities and leisure enterprise, together with greater than a decade at WWE. “We really feel actually happy with all the things that was completed throughout our tenure, so we’re excited in regards to the subsequent chapter with Isos,” Ms. Wilson instructed DealBook. After WWE, they each thought-about a number of alternatives — together with C.E.O. roles — however determined as an alternative to proceed working collectively. An business in flux. The brand new fund will goal firms in any respect levels of improvement, in industries which can be present process speedy technological shifts. “There are areas — whether or not it’s video gaming, e-sports, sports activities betting — that may drive fan engagement, and that digital transformation will actually develop into the car to make that occur,” Ms. Wilson stated. As cash has poured into the house and deal making has picked up, the fund’s founders consider their expertise and contacts set them aside — at WWE, for instance, they led the corporate’s aggressive worldwide push. “Capital is vital, but it surely’s fungible,” Mr. Barrios stated. “What Michelle and I carry is experience, credibility and a world community.” THE SPEED READ Offers Barry Diller’s IAC pledged a further $1 billion to assist MGM’s takeover bid for Entain. However Mr. Diller stated he was skeptical of MGM’s possibilities of success. (Bloomberg, FT) The funding agency World Infrastructure Companions agreed to purchase Signature Aviation, a private-jet servicing firm, for $4.6 billion, beating Blackstone and Carlyle. (Reuters) Dr Martens, the famed boot model, plans to go public on the London Inventory Trade. (FT) Politics and coverage The tax invoice of huge U.S. banks might rise as a lot as $11 billion a yr if President-elect Joe Biden rolls out his marketing campaign’s company tax proposal. (Bloomberg) Nellie Liang, a former high economist on the Fed, is reportedly a high contender for a key Treasury Division put up. (WSJ) Mr. Biden’s selection of Gov. Gina Raimondo of Rhode Island for commerce secretary is “particularly encouraging,” given her file on balancing capitalism with social equality, writes Mike Bloomberg. (Bloomberg Opinion) Tech There’s a growth for start-ups launching nanosatellites. (WSJ) Amazon and Walmart more and more determine that it’s not definitely worth the money and time for patrons to return some objects for refunds. (WSJ) Better of the remaining “The Lies We Inform Throughout Job Interviews” (WSJ) The pandemic has created a scarcity at sperm banks, giving rise to an underground fertility financial system on Fb. (NYT) We’d like your suggestions! Please e-mail ideas and strategies to dealbook@nytimes.com. Supply hyperlink #Money #Walks

[vrenaewrites]

CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 49 - end

Full video here.

Ch 49: eventually the world breaks everyone

Oranges and deep water again.

She says he can tell her anything “my words aren’t sexy or slick but they are sincere” and I said “aw” out loud

Jaxon killed Hudson!

She says she didn’t believe he meant to and he’s like intentions don’t matter when you can do this and then starts destroying the room

Jaxon is now the soon to be vampire king after killing Hudson

“No one is as powerful as me”

Hudson wanted to get mo money mo power

He literally paraphrases Jurassic park here: he got so wrapped up in the could that he didn’t think about if hen should

Hudson wanted to put the shifters in their place - and then anyone who wasn’t a born vampire - and jaxon considered that genocide

Hudson’s power was mind control

His pain makes her ache more than she even ached for her dead parents who just died last month wtf?!

So people wanna hurt grace because “you’re mine” as jaxon puts it

“We’re balancing on a razor thin tightrope, and every minute is a balancing act.” READ IT OUT LOUD GODDAMN IT

“You wear indifference like a mask, you wield coldness like a weapon.” No one in the history of the world talks like this, especially not someone who was just saying “af and fml” 10 chapters ago 

Ch 50: people who live in stone towers should never throw dragons

They have a real sexy kiss

Jaxon believes flint is trying to kill her!!!! Which yeah now knowing that jaxon killed flints brother or was the reason he died rather, makes sense! Except flint seems to like her too??

Jaxon pushed flint out of the tree under grace

Then they kissing AGAIN SHE IN HIS LAP!!!!!

Her uncle shows up and she tried to fix herself in the mirror but there isn’t one lol

She asks how he can see himself and he says “selfie anyone?” And I throw up

She just referenced baby yoda. G2g

“Thanks for rushing to let me in” “grace had to get her clothes back on” asshole but also lmao

Ch 51: trial by dragon fire

We’re reading hamlet again…

She confronts flint and flint calls jaxon a tick lmaooooo

“Aren’t you the one who’s been trying to kill me?” “It’s not for the reasons you think, if you would just trust me” - SIR THAT IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENT

We love Mickey so much

Flint doesn’t wanna talk to grace in front of a vampire

Ch 52: if you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?

She’s in the tunnel with Mickey and she realizes how much safer she feels with him than flint

She’s realized that her intuition is heightened here you mean that thing you were ignoring this entire book??

Mickey reiterates that Grace is a target because Jaxon cares about her which makes what he was saying about a target on her back make a lot more sense

Mickey pretty much confirms what Jackson said about Hudson so we get to hear it all over again

Leah shows up and her and Mickey don’t like each other

Leah says I’d say bite me but I don’t know where you’ve been and Mickey replies I would catch rabies if I bit you LOL

She hugs Mickey and Mickey pats her head like a dog lmaooooooo

Leah says making plans is not Jackson’s modus operandi instead of just saying his MO like a normal person

She texts him “I like it when you bite” and he replies “good because I like the way you taste” and I threw up in my mouth

Not to mention the fact that she immediately texted Jackson that she would go to his room tonight when she seconds before that agreed to hang out with Leah who is clearly grieving and needs a friend...which is not grace

Ch 53: if this kiss is gonna start a war it may as well be worth it

Grace is getting ready to go to Jackson’s room for their date and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on the extremely lax rules regarding girls and boys and every other gender being allowed in each others room it doesn’t make sense why is everyone not pregnant

She puts on one of Macy’s dresses and Macy tugs it down to get it over her “ridiculous curves“ She described her own curves as ridiculous and I am all for being body positive but saying you have a banging ass is a little much

Macy says that grace “lusts after Jackson’s sexy sexy body”

I will say that I am 100% here for the sex positivity rather than the tortured virgin shit we dealt with for all of the twilight series

Ch 54: what could possibly be more interesting than kissing me?

It’s the northern lights!!!!!!

“Wrapping his arms around me so that I am snuggled up in the blanket and his arms“ once again for the love of God read it out loud and realize that using the same word that close in one sentence is clunky and distracting please

She says they kiss “until the colors behind my eyes are brighter than the aurora borealis, until it feels like I’m flying“

He takes her like 100 feet above the castle so that they feel like they’re within the northern lights

And they stay up there for a long time and again I just want to know why he wasn’t just a witch I don’t understand

She says Jackson drops kisses on her eyes that’s not how that works

He gives her a necklace with an Aurora borealis stone how cute!

She says “it’s beautiful” and he says “then you’re well matched” which is so cute and then she says “oh my god you’re sappy” and he says “well you’re ridiculously beautiful”

and again we were so close and then we tripped at the finish line

He makes her tea to warm her up (Leah’s tea aw they’re making amends)

He sex bites her again, she begs for it

And then loses his shit?!?

Ch 55: no use crying over spilled tea

So he bit her and drank a lot of her blood because she’s super woozy and she’s like I got to get out of here not so I can live but because if he kills me he will feel really bad about it self-preservation has left the chat

She runs into Leah and Leah smacks the shit out of her and then tells her to sit down...what?!

I thought Leah poisoned the tea earlier in the book I am calling it now that she put something in the tea to make Jackson lose his shit

Leah pulls out a gun and shoots Jackson…

Ch 56: vampire girl gone wild

Leah shoots her with the gun

Ch 57: double double toil and a whole lotta trouble

I’m just gonna say that the moment Leah mentioned that she and Jackson were supposed to carry on an ancient vampire alliance by being together that Grace should have known not to fuck with Leah on any level

Grace wakes up tied to some kind of slab

“For the first time I understand why an animal caught in a trap would be willing to chew its own foot off” but then she continues it with more long winded explanation of what that means when that would’ve been a very powerful line to just leave on its own conveying her desperation

She gets a hand free, then the other, the one ankle, then she hears Leah scream

She’s super woozy and trying to escape but she hears Leah screaming and fighting with someone and she decides to go see if it’s Jackson if he needs her help... how in the fuck are you going to help anybody, Grace

The candles all light at once

Ch 58: never do a trust fall with someone who can fly

There’s a dragon after her!

So for some reason the author decided to take any sort of tension/ horror/ fear out of this section and just ramble on and on about “I’m really tired of getting dragged around by supernatural creatures and San Diego never seemed so far away” just focus on the terror this could be really really scary being flown around in a dragons talons while a vampire chases after you

They fall and she hurts her shoulder

“And here I thought Alaska would be boring” you know what is boring? this entire chapter because instead of letting me the reader sit in the terror and tension of a dragon vampire battle you keep making fucking little quips and remarks like...she’s a human being she should be afraid not like irritated by the situation

Leah punches a hole through flints wing ouch

“The tunnel that will take me back to the school’s main building, the tunnel that will take me back to Katmere“ that’s the same sentence twice John Mulaney voice

Flint stops her from leaving: Leah killed her parents to get her here, for some kind of end the world ritual, that jaxon is involved

Flint starts choking her “you have to die before she can finish this”

Ch 59: carpe killem

No!

Jaxon gets flint off grace via tk

“He just stares down a freaking dragon like it’s a gecko”

Leah catches up with her

Ch 60: some call it paranoia but I call it an evil bitch trying to use you as a sacrifice

….that’s a paragraph

“Which dazes my already not functioning so great brain” i’m not gonna say it again read your writing out loud

Leah is dragging her by her hair and she’s like if I survive this I hope I’m not bald afterward...that’s what you’re worried about??

As she’s being walked down this Secret hallway by Leah she’s getting more and more mad thinking about how Leah killed her parents and is playing God with her life now and I’m just wondering why does she just believe Flint out of nowhere?

She says FML and Leah’s too

She smashes Leah’s head on the altar and goes for the book on the altar, and burns the spell

Ch 61: sticks and stones may break your bones, but vampires will kill you

Leah wants to bring Hudson back by killing grace, who she says is not human

Jaxon gets in

We use the word sickening 4 times during one fight scene, casual

Ch 62: where there’s smoke, there’s a dead vampire

She breathes in the black Hudson smoke but jaxon stops her

Jaxon creates like a vortex to absorb it instead

He throws it at Leah and she turns to dust?!

She gives him her blood because he’s practically dead

Ch 63: a bite to remember

Gooooo fuck yaself

She’s been asleep in the infirmary for 2 days

He’s feeling all angsty about drinking so much of her blood

His mom left the scar on his face not Hudson

They say they love each other but he says he doesn’t think this can work because there’s still gonna be people who want to hurt her because of him

But she’s able to kind of convince him to let himself be loved

Ch 64: all’s well that ends with marshmallows

Civil twilight AGAIN

they go into the forest and drink hot cocoa

So the school only serves animal blood, which allows the vampires to go out during the day, but if they drink human blood, they can only come out at night

And he explains it like an insulin spike, except a spike in a hormone that makes it impossible for him to be in the sun

They’re out there to build a snowman

“Openly checking out his very fine ass” EW jimmy fallon voice

Ch 65: why can’t a girl just have an ordinary HEA these days?

“Hey you didn’t tell me the punchline of the pirate joke”

Suddenly Hudson is there with a sword, and she turns jaxon so she’s between him and the sword and this happens in like 3 sentences

Ch 66: zero - she persisted - Jaxon

Grace has turned into…?

A gargoyle!?!?!?!?

Because she’s trying to trap Hudson or keep him at bay?

And jaxon vows to save her

We used all of the fucks allowed in this one chapter, for sure

What the fuuuuuuuck

[orhelponefaintingrobin]

Netflix’s “Death Note” - Film Review

Now, I do want to clarify something before I get into this. In this review, I am not going to be spending a lot of time talking about the controversy surrounding the casting in Adam Wingard’s “Death Note”. I understand the filmmakers’ motivations as to the casting, and I also understand a lot of the reasons why people had an issue with it, most of all the dreadful record of characters of Asian descent in Western films, but the truth is, I am going to be talking about the film that was made, and although, on balance, I think that they probably should have gone with an actor of Japanese descent to play the lead role, if that was the only thing that was changed, it wouldn’t have really changed my feelings towards the film.

But “Death Note” is a film that exists. And I just watched it.

I really don’t want to focus on this film being an adaptation. There are two ways you can approach viewing this film. You can view it as its own thing, or you can view it as an adaptation of the original Manga. But I think that drastically changes the way you are going to react to it. Because if you view it as an adaptation of the manga, then there is very little argument as to whether or not it is good. If you want to see a faithful adaptation of “Death Note”, then watch the anime. I mean, you should do that anyway, the anime is incredible, but you get what I mean. This is not a faithful adaptation of Tsugumi Ohba’s Manga. Save for a few of the names (Light, L, Watari, Ryuk) there is almost no similarities between the two products other than Ryuk’s design, and if that’s something that’s going to be a problem for you that you’re not going to be able to get past, then you are going to absolutely hate this film.

But, I did manage to put that out of my mind, for the most part, so, now, I am going to talk about the film that was made, from the perspective of SOLELY the finished product, not as an adaptation, separate from the controversy.

And the truth is, “Death Note” is… Alright.

The film is definitely well made, from a technical standpoint. As far as the direction, the cinematography, and most of the script is concerned, it isn’t a terrible film by any stretch. The special effects on Ryuk and the bigger set pieces are decent, and I didn’t feel any particular impulse to turn it off. It was a film that I was able to watch, beginning to end, without feeling too offended by what I was watching. There was definitely talent present for the making of the film, that much is clear. Adam Wingard’s previous films have generally been pretty untamed, gory horror flicks, and there is definitely evidence of that in “Death Note”, but he also manages to direct the more thriller-esque parts of the film decently as well.

The acting is generally competent, save for Nat Wolff’s… interesting screaming near the beginning. There are some experienced names in the mix; Nat Wolff has some relatively well-known films under his belt, such as John Green adaptation “Paper Towns”, Lakeith Stanfield has credits on “Straight Outta Compton”, Donald Glover’s “Atlanta” and this year’s popular “Get Out”, and Willem Dafoe has plenty of credits under his belt, including the role which made him so well suited to Ryuk, The Green Goblin in Sam Raimi’s original “Spider-Man”. So, there’s definitely actors in the film. Even when you don’t compare it to the original, Lakeith Stanfield is probably the standout performance, in my opinion at least, who, even when being given a character who was probably the closest to the original, still managed to really make L his own character (And a character who I actually wouldn’t mind seeing more of…). Nat Wolff is pretty good, given his character had all the controversy, both with the obvious racial issues and the vast differences between the film’s Light Turner and the original Light Yagami’s personalities. Margaret Qualley was decent as well, though maybe a little over-the-top at points (Though, I’ll get back onto that, and it might be script more than anything else). Other background characters worked fine; Light’s dad was a cop, not much else, Watari was well-performed but had about as much to do as he did in the original. Willem Dafoe was amazing as Ryuk, but that was probably the best casting choice they made anyway.

The overall plot of the film was relatively easy to follow, and didn’t get too confusing at any points. But, this is actually where we start to see some issues. Not with a lot of the film overall, but just with bits. Two bits, in fact. The beginning and the Ferris wheel scene.

The beginning was weirdly jumpy, switching between the first bits of the credits, then a couple of shots of Light and Mia, then jumping to the title card, then jumping back into the film. It almost felt like someone had got the clips mixed up, and accidently put the title card in the wrong place; that was how jumpy it felt. And as far as the first few minutes, it was just a little rushed and confusing, and it could have been worth shortening a few other bits, such as Light and L’s chase, to establish a few different bits before Light ended up with the Death Note. I’m hardly a professional (yet) but I’d probably have tried to make some similarities to the original, and structure it as: Light doing other people’s homework à Light getting into the fight with Kenny à Light getting caught and getting detention à Light seeing the Death Note out of the window while in detention, so that it catches his eye similarly to how it does in the original. Then we can have Light go and pick it up after detention, see Kenny bullying the girl, and have Light kill him from a distance, and go from there. I don’t know if that makes sense, but my point is the way that the first five/ten minutes were organised felt a little off, and it meant that by the time Light starts killing, we don’t really know anything about his character.

The ferris-wheel scene is the next bit I have an issue with. I get that they needed to find a good way to wrap it up, and I get that western filmmaking includes these big set-pieces, but the way it was done was… awkward… Actually, that goes back to the reveal that Mia wrote Light’s name in the book, although once it gets past that bit, the scenes with L were pretty good, until we get back to the ferris wheel. Where things just all feel a little… off. Light writing Mia’s name in the Death Note didn’t make a whole lot of sense, even when he explained everything to his father at the end, their confrontation felt too jumpy, with it going from Light begging Mia to let them stop to Mia snatching the book to the ferris wheel breaking… And ‘dramatic’ slo-mo is never particularly dramatic… It all just felt a little off.                Not to mention the whole scene sort of summed up my issues with Mia as a character. I mean, she’s definitely a more convincing character than her sort-of-counterpart, Misa Amane (Although, Adam Wingard said that her character was more based on Light Yagami’s sociopathic side), but it still seemed a little too much. Take her motivations, for example. Why did she have an interesting in Light or the Death Note? Annoying as she was, Misa at least had strong motivation for everything: She had a clear reason for worshipping Kira, a clear motivation for doing what she was doing, and though she was more tolerable to watch, there was very little of this in Mia. And the ferris wheel scene really showed that. Agreeing that she loved Light to ordering him around, her reaching for the Death Note as it fell, it all just seemed one step too far. And her actual death really summed that up. She could have died normally, could have just splattered on the ground like the FBI agents she killed. But the flowers showed how over the top her characterisation was.

In all honesty, I think I’ve worked out what the main problem with “Death Note” was, as a film. Yes, it’s got SO MANY FLAWS as an adaptation, from the tone-deaf casting to the almost unrecognisable plot. But as a film in its own right, it isn’t too bad. But the issue is, it was an adaptation. And, while “Death Note” was a coherent, not generally awful film in its own right, the original Manga’s core seemed to get lost in translation. That wasn’t to do with changing the setting or the race, either. I mean, it was an issue, but it wasn’t what affected the quality of the film. This film was a thriller. Not quite an action film, or a mystery, or even a horror, past the first half an hour, but a thriller. You were waiting to see how Light would get out of things, and it isn’t even unsatisfying in that way. But it doesn’t have anything else. Yes, the original “Death Note” is a gripping psychological thriller (A better one, but that’s not my point), but what the original does is use that as a mask for a careful moral examination, a character study showing so nicely the age-old idea that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Light fails, and he doesn’t fail because he was betrayed, or because L works out who he is. Light Yagami, in a way, beats himself. And we don’t even see that in this film. The way it ends doesn’t really tie any plot points up at all, and leaves it very much asking for a sequel. And, much as I’m almost ashamed to say it, I almost want one, just because I like narratives being tied up. But, while it needs a sequel, it doesn’t really deserve one.

As I said, “Death Note” wasn’t bad, but when you can just as easily go onto Netflix and watch the original, which gives most of the same positives as this film while giving you a much deeper story, it just doesn’t feel like there’s much point to it.

Watch it if you’ve got nothing better to do (Which is the only way I got around to watching it), but it probably isn’t essential. You just can’t beat the original.