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kingdaddydaichi · 2 years ago

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‎♡‧₊˚ HAIKYUU BOYS WHEN THEY GET SICK

ft. daichi. osamu. bokuto. suga. asahi.

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‎♡‧₊˚ DAICHI

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Work

WILL STILL TRY TO GO TO WORK

“daichi, baby, you can’t go to work! you work with the public. what if you get people sick? what kind of police officer gets people sick? your job is to serve and protect and you can’t even protect people from your own germs? no, you shouldn’t go!”

but he’ll try to go in any damn way😤

“nah, i’m fine!” he’ll say before going into a coughing fit.

stubborn man

he’ll get ready for work looking and feeling like shit, but he’s determined - he’s Going To Work™️

it would take an army to stand between him and his sense of duty

mans won’t listen to reason

so after he leaves, you send a text to his sergeant: “i tried! i tried to get him to stay home but he wouldn’t listen.”

sarge is like: “damn workhorse.”

gets yelled at by his boss at the station then comes back home

his sergeant’s all “what the fuck are you doing here? go the fuck home. that’s an order, sawamura! i’ll take your fucking badge!”

Home

45 mins later he comes walking back IN the door

and you’re just there like “mmhmm” as he hangs his tired head and mopes back to the bedroom to change out of his uniform and back into his pajamas

daichi: you texted him, didn’t you?

you: how far did you make it in before he turned you away?

daichi: he was waiting outside. wouldn’t even let me in the door.

“i told you. you work too hard, baby," you say, following behind him with the cooling strip you just grabbed from the fridge. you’d put it in there to start getting cold as soon as you realized he wasn’t feeling well.

he was on his back when you woke up next to him that morning, his t-shirt slightly damp in the front and back. he’d been sniffling and congested since he got home from work yesterday afternoon.

will still try to do everything himself

you’ll come through the living room to check on him and find that your sick husband is missing from the couch.

so you finally get him settled down on the couch only to return after leaving the room for a few minutes and…your husband is missing from the couch! AGAIN!

“are you serious?” you go looking for him, exasperated. “daichi?!”

“‘m in here,” he croaks from the kitchen.

“what are you doing?” you ask impatiently.

“i wanted more tea.”

“i told you if you needed anything, let me know, i’ll get it for you!”

you have to shoo him back to the couch while insisting that you’re going to take care of him.

Medicine

he’ll take medicine. he’s stubborn, not stupid. he’s Enneagram Type 1.

“if you get sick, you take medicine. why? ‘cause that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Doctor

won’t go unless he’s been sick for a few days and isn’t getting better. and even then you have to make the appt for him sometimes. 🙄

stubborn, stubborn man. 😮‍💨 but you love him more than the sun loves the moon.

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‎♡‧₊˚ OSAMU

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Work

he wouldn’t go to work; it wouldn’t be difficult to get him to stay home bc he knows he works in the food business and he doesn’t want to contaminate any food or run the risk of spreading anything around.

he’s got customers AND employees to think about!

once he feels better tho and he’s not contagious anymore, even if his symptoms aren’t completely gone yet, he’ll go to work and wear a mask which is pretty standard if you're sick in Japan anyway.

Home

he’s just so chill

he’s been calling the shop every 2 hours. “how’s everything going? did so-and-so show up? did you clean out the rice cooker?”

he doesn’t mean to micromanage, he just misses his business. and he’s hands on. he works the front of the house ffs.

maybe he just calls a couple of times a day tho.

“how’s everything going? hm…okay. if you need anything, call. you know how to get in touch with me. please call me."

employee: "what?"

osamu: "what?"

Medicine

used to be anti-medicine UNTIL he became a business owner

“i don’t need no stinkin’ medicine.”

he’s a tough guy

but nowadays, he wants to hurry up and feel better so he can get back to work.

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‎♡‧₊˚ BOKUTO

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Work

he would be bummed bc he couldn’t practice or play with the jackals. he doesn’t even get to sit on the bench bc he has to stay home. the team is like “stay. the. hell. away. from. us.”

he got the whole team sick once so now he sneezes during practice and everybody just stops and turns around and looks at him like “istg bokuto! are you sick? if you sneeze again, you’re outta here, we are NOT going through that again!”

the whole team once got a stomach bug on his account. he tried to power through it and went to practice and they had a big match the next day, but everybody was fucking SHITTING, PUKING and the whole fucking team was down. they had to forfeit the game and chalk it up as a loss. they were so pissed at bo.

bo rolled his ankle during a game once and had to be benched. he was so bummed that he couldn’t play as you walked with him and the assistant coach to the infirmary to have it checked out. once there, his foot was propped and iced. you told him you’d be right back and he looked up at you with limp hair and sad owl eyes, but you assured him you’d be right back.

you ran to the away campus’s gift store and managed to find an owl plushie. you held it up, beaming at it. perfect! you rushed to the cashier to pay for it before running back to the infirmary.

holding the plushie behind your back, you opened the door and walked inside, bo’s hair and facial expression just as you’d left it. but his eyebrows arched in curiosity as you smiled at him before presenting him with the owl. his hair perked back up as a pouty smile covered his face, his big, round golden eyes filling with unshed tears.

“for me?”

“for you,” you nodded, proffering it with outstretched arms.

“y/nnnnn!” he cried, grabbing your arms and pulling you into his lap to hug both you and the plushie.

you kissed his cheek with a sweet smile. “i hope this helps you feel better, baby.”

he clung to that owl plushie for the rest of the game, like a mother owl protecting her owlet.

to this day, whenever he gets sick, he asks for the owl plushie. it’s his comfort lovey, his security plushie.

he’s so adorable…like an overgrown toddler, basically.

i luz he.

Home

B A B Y

he’s SUCH a baby about it the whole damn time

omg you will just hear him groaning from the other room

just “ohh ughhh ohmygod uhhh…i feel so awful…oh god i can’t breathe through my nose…ohhh i’m so hungry but i don’t wanna get up and get anything to eat…babyyyyy can i have a grilled cheese sandwich?”

he’s so sweet about it but he’s a baby

he’s such a hypochondriac, y’all.

Virgo much?

he’s all up on webmd using the symptom checker

“i don’t know, baby. what if it’s not just a cold? what if it’s this rare disease that’s only found in Antarctica?”

“bo, you don’t have that. only penguins get that. stop.”

you finally have to just take his phone away so he’ll stop googling stuff and trying to diagnose himself with a brain tumor

“bo, you not being good at math is NOT a brain tumor symptom!”

he gets so much as a sniffle and he’s down for the count

he can barely get out of bed

“baby, come check my head. am i hot? am i running fever? where’s the thermometer?”

“no, baby, you don’t feel warm.”

“are you sure? you better get the thermometer and check just in case.”

Medicine

will take ALL the medicines

he’ll be looking for the cough suppressant and you’re like “bo! you don’t even have a cough.”

“i don’t care! i need all the things!”

you have to keep the medicine cabinet under lock and key, otherwise you might find him hallucinating and drunk on a cocktail of NyQuil, DayQuil, Benadryl, eyedrops, heartburn medicine, and Orajel.

Doctor

calls a neurologist and tries to schedule a CT scan.

and you’re in the background, “BO! I TOLD YOU YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT PENGUIN DISEASE! DO NOT SCHEDULE A CT SCAN!”

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‎♡‧₊˚ SUGA

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Work

finally, someone with enough sense to stay home from work when he’s sick. you won’t have to tell him twice bc he cares about all the crotch goblins at school and doesn’t want to get all those kids sick.

Home

suga…he’s clever

and mischievous

getting him to stay home from work is a piece of cake, but good luck getting him to stay down

he takes care of others, not the other way around

you catch him doing stuff too

unlike with daichi, it’s not that he doesn’t want to be a burden, it’s that he can’t NOT be a caretaker?

you try to take care of him but he ends up taking care of you…and you’re not even sick?

like, not only does he not let you take care of him, he does stuff for you

he doesn’t go out of his way to do stuff for you, he’s just thinking like finally! i’ve got a day off during the week so i can get some things done around here. stuck at home, can’t go anywhere else so it’s a perfect opportunity to get caught up with housework!

you try to stay home too to take care of him but he INSISTS that you leave

“i will kick you out of the house if you don’t leave!”

so you leave - you go to work but before you walk out the door you point at him and you’re like “okay…but you better rest! i know you! you’ll take this opportunity to get a bunch of shit done around the house. don’t you do it! you better rest and take it easy!”

and he’s all “yes, okay, yeah yeah yeah. fine. go. bye.”

and sure enough you come home after work later and this motherfucker has done laundry, he’s probably prepped dinner, graded homework - and he’s laid up on the couch just GROANING bc of how terrible he feels. and you just look at him with your hand on your hip like “mmhmm! mmhmm! look at you now. see! i told you!”

he told you “sure! sure i won’t do any work…” liar

you come home and he can barely hold his head up.

poor guy.

“i don’t feel sorry for you. you did this to yourself.”

but you take care of him anyway. “suga? why do you do this to yourself, baby? next time you get sick i’m getting horse tranquilizer to make sure you get rest. i’ll put you down sir!”

Medicine

so when you get home and he’s remodeled the house, having forgotten to take any medicine so now not only is he exhausted from overworking himself when he should’ve been fucking resting, but also his symptoms have gotten out of hand.

“well,” you put your hand on your hip and raise your eyebrows at him as he lies groaning on the living room floor. “i hope you’re satisfied. because now you’re staying home tomorrow too. on the bright side, you’ve gotten all the work done around here so I guess tomorrow you might actually rest." cute dumbass sometimes.

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‎♡‧₊˚ ASAHI

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Work:

he’s so easy?

“asahi, you’re sick, baby. you need to stay home from work.”

“okay.” he’s not gonna argue.

he might try to say “well i’ve got such and such show coming up. i’ve gotta have this and that done…”

and you’re just “asa. that’s why you have people there to back you up. you’re not a one man team. your colleagues will help. you’ll more than make up for it bc you’re such an amazing designer! now go lay down.” and he will. 🥲

Home

he’s not gonna fight you on anything bc he doesn’t fight at all

he’s a lover, not a fighter

model patient

avoids conflict at all costs

“yes, darling. yes, dear. okay. okay.”

doesn’t complain

so easy to take care of

except he won’t ask for shit

will either try to get stuff himself or just go without bc he can’t decide what’s worse - burdening you, or getting in trouble for being up walking around again bc you told him to let you know if he needed something

so he just kinda tries to do without shit? and you have to come check on him.

“asahi? when’s the last time you had a drink of water?”

“uhh…two hours ago?”

“ASAHI!”

“it doesn’t matter what I do, i feel bad! i can’t win for losing!”

finally you get through to him and he’ll ask for shit, but he’ll apologize first. like “um, babe? uhh…”

“hm? what ya need, asa?”

“umm, i’m so sorry to bother you but would you…could you…possibly…maybe…potentially…”

“oh my god, spit it out. and don’t apologize.”

“oh,” he says, averting his eyes in shame. “s-sorry.”

“stahhp!”

"sorry"

Medicine

he will take it bc you told him to and he doesn’t want to fight

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‎♡‧₊˚ hq mlist ‎˚₊‧♡

‎reblogs and (nice) comments are wonderful !! ♡

+ tagging + @crystal-lilac @chaoskrakenuwu @briokayama @lanaxians-2 @yuujispinkhair @i4sgwr @mrs-sawamura @heroesfan101 @millenialfanfictionaddiction @darthferbert @anejuuuuoy @ceo-of-daichi @honeybunny-sawamura ++ ask/dm/carrier pigeon if you wanna be added to or removed from a fandom or character taglist

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dollsonmain · 4 months ago

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I've forgotten how to sleep and startled myself when I looked in the mirror on my way to bed last night. The eye wells in my skull were very, very visible. Slightly less bad this morning.

So sleep hasn't happened due to both anxiety/stress and the AC having been broken for a while. AC was out for about a week and once it was fixed, I was too stressed about the absences thing at school to sleep the first night, and then too stressed last night because Son broke his school laptop yesterday and we have to tell That Guy today, AND That Guy had gone out partying with friends after work which means he drives home like that in the middle of the night and I always worry he's not going to make it. I can't sleep until I hear the garage door open. If he crashes, with the way he has our finances set up, Son and I are effectively homeless immediately. Part of why I am trying to work. Him not coming home until 1am also prolonged the anticipatory anxiety of having to wait to tell him the problem and get over the aftermath.

And then I woke up at 3am like always and couldn't get back to sleep.

Anyway.

Work stuff ish again

I will not complain about being expected to work 6 hours a day because that's less than a "normal" job anyway, but really at that point I'd rather work a full 8 and get benefits.

I very much think it should be illegal to schedule people juuuuuust under the cut off for benefits to be required by labor law. You should have to either schedule people 40 hours or 20 hours, no in between, IMO. Scheduling someone exactly 20 hours gives them plenty of time to go work SOMEWHERE ELSE for the other 20 hours without having to worry about being scheduled to work 60+ hours a week because both employers are cheapskates that will work you 30 hours.

I also need to completely change my daily routines AGAIN to get to work on time.

My current-new routine is:

wake up at 3:30 and get my morning coffee

sit around and wait for That Guy to leave for work which is usually 4-4:30

Son gets up and we have the morning together

Son leaves for school at 6:50

I don't get hungry until somewhere between 7 and 9 and will have breakfast then

depending on how exhausted I am I will or will not do chores between 5 and 10

leave to walk to work at 10:20

get to work at 10:40/10:45

work 11-3

That Guy picks me up on his way home from work, though I did have to walk home yesterday

do chores

dinner between 4-5 or so

vegetable time

Now, I'm going to have to skip my morning coffee because it makes me poop and I don't want to be pooping while I'm also the only cashier at work.

So it's going to be like....

wake up around 3 and shower OR shower in the evenings and deal with being gross from night-sweats at work so wake up at 3:30, I do prefer to show up to work nice and clean but it is a gas station...

force feed myself some sort of solid food while waiting for That Guy to leave for work around 4-4:30

make sure the boy gets up no later than 5

leave to walk to work at 5:20

get to work at 5:40-5:45

work 6-whenever (she hasn't decided when????)

leave work to walk to home whenever that happens to be and I'd rather it WASN'T noon because it's going to be stupid hot, then, but stop on the store's "porch" to put on sunscreen real fast... which means I need an opaque travel size bottle for sunscreen, and eat something so I don't pass out on the way home (yesterday I took a small bread roll and some jerky and ate that and drank a second V8 Energy while walking)

get home around 1 if I left at noon because the walk home is slower than the walk to work

eat a real lunch? finally have my poopin coffee?

chores

Son and That Guy get home at 3

profit???

I'm going to have to prep and take multiple sugar drinks so my blood sugar doesn't bottom out while at work. Right now I've been taking one bottle of water with a Real Lemon lemonade drink stick mixed in and I forget to drink it but it's there so I can slam it before leaving. I'll need to also take a meal replacement shake got sugar, salt, and other nutrients, I think, and an extra water.

Manager keeps trying to get me to buy something at work before my shift starts and I'm like no thanks those are MY monies, now, you're not getting them back on your overpriced bottled water.

Today I need to do laundry, deal with the fallout of telling That Guy that Son broke his school laptop, go to Kohl's and see if I can find some New Balance cross trainers to wear to work since I will be doing walking, standing, and lifting and I think cross-trainers would be the best option AND already know NB is the brand they primarily carry, need to find a hi-vis vest or couple of belts because I'll be walking to work in the dark, and That Guy said he'd take me to dinner today for leaving me to have to walk home from work Yesterday but what does that matter? That's going to be every day from now on.

A few more paychecks and I'll look for a scooter again. Or something. Still kind of like the idea of getting a cargo trike, ngl. Would be harder to steal than a bike anyway.

I don't know what I'm going to do in the winter.

Running a salary and income tax calculator and factoring in about $3k in short-term hobby income, even putting that no tax is withheld, it looks like I'd expect a tax return of $3k? Because there's about $3k in tax credits??? Whatever. I'll figure it out when it's closer to the right time.

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largetriangles · 20 days ago

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been working on this paper most of the day and just sent an email asking for an extension. it was supposed to be due on wed and he made it due on fri to give us more time.

it was due at 5 but the assginment closes at 12. Im gonna submit my in progress doc and then submit the rest later. I dont feel good but this is not new for me so it's not too bad either i guess. Asked to have until the middle of next week as extra time bc i want to redirect my project slightly, which is true. I've got better ideas than what I was doing.

It wouldn't have been fully fixed, but being out of my vynse really fucked me up. like whatever I was hanging out this weekend thats fine. but if i had done any work on monday, tuesday, wednesday, or thursday I would have been fine lol :skull:

but i didnt do anything on monday. I slept in and got my meds which I took 1 of them around 2pm bc thats when I got them which led me to being up kinda late. tuesday I wake up kinda late take my meds at a more normal time but I woke up late enough that I only got a couple things done before Isaac was home and hes more important than doing that stupid ass essay on that day (I had the rest of the week to do it. it's literally fine to not write an essay 4 days in advance). Wednesday. I wake up late -_- and I freak abt another paper for noooo reason once I sent the email he reminded me of a convo we had and I'm literally fine. I do get some work done finding sources yayyy. Then I've gotta go to work and be ready for my momma to get me and go home. not gonna write an essay late at night at my parents house. Thursday (yesterday) I um I. oh right. I woke up super late bc I forgor how dark my room is here. Then I go out on the couch and I open some stuff up but mostly research boxing gyms and watch tv. watched my cousin vinny (vyvanse lets me watch movies?) and called with Doctor (who is Not the fuck you guy shes awesome actually). Then I'm watching tv with momma and then tv with dad. jeez we watch tv. we just always have shows to catch up on together lol. anyway then suddenly its today and I do set alarms and do go to coffee shop to get a decaf drink and work pretty well for a while. but also I had that crying breakdown which did lead to a short panic attack haha. I lock in and get some more done (2 hrs of work) and then I get food for what felt like 15 mins but was 45+ and then i work for another hourish before writing my email asking professor (who is actually the fuck you guy) for an extension. and here i am 30 mins later after god knows what finishing a long tumblr post. OH i messaged dio a little. love that guy

#boring diary post about writing this paper #its dangerous for me to have a computer keyboard for posts. i can type so much so fast #mutuals irl and online i love you all

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ghostofasecretary · 23 days ago

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i feel like i fundamentally do not have enough energy to live my own life

yesterday i was recovering from Exhausting Funeral Trip. so it makes sense that i was slow.

and i did:

- fill out last week's timecard

- make my bed

- get groceries

- do my laundry

- make dinner + plan tomorrow's lunch

- watched TV like a maniac (had fun) (knitted)

realized i still had to fill my med case back up. ugh

- did that, got to sleep late thereby

so. today. throat's sore and nose is stuffy, gross! only charged phone partially somehow! there's a persistent beeping in my house for god knows why! (none of the options i can think of sound good!) i'm TIRED and i JUST WOKE UP and i want to SCREAM and then CRY, MAYBE.

okay. okay okay okay

1. you don't have your focus meds and that makes everything harder. fix that, please. call the number you just put in your journal in the parking lot after work, c. 1:30.

2. class this term is a real and awful stressor. you are not going to be as prepared as you want to be. still, this might be adequate: work on your homework for an hour each evening. 7pm-8pm, or you can knock it out early. just set an alarm.

3. you have to do Scary New Thing at Job this week. plan that tonight.

4. go print thing at library after work. then make the rest of your apple cidey with spices and drink it.

5. i could really use the fucking money from my paid social. i really could. i would *rather* see my actual IRL friends but actual friends don't give you $20 for hanging out with them. because that would be weird. and i lost $20 going home and it would be nice to make it up. (stupid! argh!!) (I NEED A NEW/SECOND JOB BUT WE A R E N O T T H I N K I N G A B O U T I T N O W.) plus maybe you could see your friends and do work? so. RSVP today or tomorrow once you confirm.

6. i am really and truly Not Gonna Worry about poetry. i want to but this is the thing that will last the longest without maintenance. sorry for your loss.

7. do not even start to book club or party plan till Friday evening.

so! okay! that's your week!

today we got:

- restart laptop. fuck it, update AND restart

- eat breakfast

- work outfit (ugh my gross hair, need to shower tonight *also*)

- pack lunch

- plan: what lesson materials do i need, what am i doing today, goal for each group, little list of times + names, etc

- pack bags

- walk to car

- drive to work

- head in early

- gather materials

- head down around [set time]

- teach g1, g2 (survey), g3

- lunch

- teach g4

- finish up admin paperwork, go upstairs, put materials away afaic (all! nice!)

- clock out

- call number about meds; hopefully they will have some or be able to direct you to someone who will. oh they were closed. EPIC. CALL BACK LATER. what do you mean you want me to leave a voicemail message. fine. what the fuck

- drive home

- go to library; print item; walk back home. actually the item cannot be printed! sent an email fml 1989

- call another pharmacy?? should hear back by cidey time. call a third pharmacy. message psych. i hate this stupid baka life (getting adhd meds in the US)

- um. wow. am sick. covid test? yay, it's negative

- shower

- apple cidey (expect this is to be about 3:30?)

- wash today's tupperware

- cooking break: [make some lentils? (soak, cook ~1 hour, cook with reverse tadka. do not make too much, maybe 300g dry?) - make potato sabzi? (start after lentils are in) - make a tiny bit of rice? (start after lentils are in) [- maybe one episode of show but you should begin food at 4:15 at latest so you're done cooking around 5:30 and done with food c. 5:45 and done with dishes c. 6:15 so you can start planning before your Homework Time begins. you can start cooking at 4, that'd be fine. even 3:30 for lentil soaking time.]]

yeah, no, if all that cooking sounds like Too Much instead of like rest then make some mushroom pasta with spinach and arugula. or you can eat your defrosted potato soup. damn. options

- eat dinner

- maybe poke your friends about plans during Food Eating Time (/notify them of. covid test results. UGH)

- plan [new job thing] for g1, g2, g4, g2 On Last Day Only. figure out what materials you need and who you're going to work with and prep those as much as you can. put materials to print on flash drive

- 7-8pm ONE HOUR OF HOMEWORK. it doesn't have to be good you just have to sit at the desk for an hour with no distractions and try. i believe in you

- 8-9pm watch your tv show

- 9:30 shut laptop and head bedwards. this is a lot; you will be tired.

okay! that's a fuckload! but do it step by step and it will. get. done.

#ghost speaks

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cali · 1 year ago

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i personally love that groundon is the ground and i hope you do too

Surely and atleast half of the picture will be about display of ground strength. i went to bed yesterday thinking tomorrow i will draw then i woke up this morning and played isaac instead and i did a tainted lost run where i beat the beast and instantly i was like ok i can work now and i went to the supermarket and bought 1 litre of milk for 1€ and went home and made a coffee with it and drew a lot a lot of earth for groudon to display its strength thru. i hope i wont lose the feeling overnight. its 5am now and im going to bed and i have an appointment at 1:45 PM and when i get home from it ill maybe make rice and curry and keep doing groudon pic. i used your question as a plattform to affix my diary entry to thanks for sending it i like them always. i wonder how many different anons are the samw people multiple times and how many times its a new person i wish they gave me a secret counter that updates like once a year only to keep privacy id just like to see the stats for that. goodnight

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pbandjesse · 4 months ago

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Today did not go as planned and honestly I feel really bad today. I am just absolutely exhausted and it's insane how I have not been able to get anything done at all today.

And I know it's because I worked until 1 am. But I thought I would sleep and be good but I just was not and it sucked.

I had a lot of fun last night. The wedding went great. The couple was super nice. I had a mango sorbet push pop and a piece of blueberry cake. It was a little hectic. I had to tell Jesse he was doing to much. That he's great at the job but he's making himself stress for no reason.

There was only one stress last night and it was when the women's room completely ran out of toilet paper and I couldn't find Jesse or the keys to change the rolls. That was embarrassing but we handled it after a bit of running around. Those stupid dispensers are the worst though and I hit my elbows every time I went to change one. Terrible design.

Clean up went fine. Jesse did his best to restrain himself and stay behind the desk and let me be in charge. And overall I did great except one of the doors I locked was unlocked again and I forgot to make sure catering brought all the trash cans back inside. So I would have to deal with that but it was all good.

We took some extra time to go over the lights and I remembered where almost all of them were. And he showed me how to lock the gates. And then we were off.

I was really happy to be home. My shoes were doing good until right at the end. I had tried to just sit for a bit during the last hour of the party and was just knitting but when I got up again I guess my feet had swollen and so I spent our last 45 minutes during lights out barefoot. I was just really excited to go home. I'm also going to start bringing slippers to change into like I do at camp.

I got home right at 1. And I was tired but I had some stuff I wanted to accomplish first. I held sweetp for a bit. I took a really excellent shower. And I tried on the new things I got myself yesterday. James briefly woke up and kissed my hand. And soon I was getting in bed and going to sleep.

Had to wake up 3 times to pee. And the last one when when the sun was fully up and making our room so bright. I would put a sleep mask on and go back to sleep.

I hate sleeping until 10. Always have. But James was there and tried to be encouraging. They said that we would need to replace Crabcake's light and heating element which both seemed to stop working. And that we had a full errands to run anyway. Cate and Ross would be coming by around 11 to drop off the bookcase they are getting rid of. So I had time to take a quick wake up shower and get dressed.

I actually wore eyeliner today and I did it slightly different then normal and felt really pretty. My hair always was looking pretty nice. I have razor cut some of the top layers before I went to bed last night and I guess I just needs the movement.

James made me an omelette and a hashbrown. And I ate it outside on the porch swing. I asked for a sprite but it ended up tasting repulsive to me. Very odd. But water was fine.

I wasn't feeling amazing. I put on my best face when Cate and Ross came through. I was happy to see them. And they were so kind to bring us their old book shelf. It will be great in the studio for all of our art books.

They didn't stay long. They had other people to drop things off too and meet with. So we said goodbye and I let myself go lay back down outside.

James said that when I was feeling up to it we could go run errands. We apparently had a miscommunication in this. I thought that they meant that they were ready and so when I was okay enough we would just go. So I gave myself a mental deadline of noon.

But when I was ready all of a sudden James wasn't. And they were all rushed and I was super confused. But I was like. Okay it's fine. I felt exhausted and not thrilled. But James was being really complimentary and telling me how pretty I was and how pretty our baby is going to be, make all the other babies jealous. I was trying to put a happy face on.

But then we get to the pet store and I find out James never checked the heating element and the bulb plugs to make sure they didn't just get turned off. And I wasn't happy that we were going to spend $80 on a maybe. And then James says it's because we rushed out of the house. And they forgot the stuff they needed to do the hardware store run. And I was just. Done. I was so close to tears in the turtle care aisle.

I told James I never even wanted to come out. I felt terrible. I was so tired and uncomfortable and I just wanted to go home. I just kept saying it and I felt like I was stuck in a loop. James said okay let take you home and apologized but we had a very silent drive home.

When we got back here I went and laid down and James collected what they needed. The turtle light and heating element were working fine. And they promised to send me a picture of the menu at Rita's to get me something still.

So they left. And I laid there. And I didnt sleep. I was so very tired but I did not sleep.

Around 2 James was home. They brought me a lemon flavor misto. I had never tried that before but it was nice. And I had that and a pretzel stick. And then I fell asleep. While James working on setting up our dryer (and then doing our first load of laundry in our house!!). And I slept.

I slept until almost 5. And I felt horrible. I feel slightly less horrible now but it was very bad. I was dizzy and nauseous and dehydrated. I felt like I had been running the way I was huffing and puffing. I was not having fun.

Drinking water helped. James made us spaghetti for dinner. We laid in bed together. I can't seem to find the right temperature but I tried to just be calm. I picked out outfits for the week. And we filled out my check in documents for my appointment on Thursday. But mostly we just rested.

Now I'm in the bathroom tub. Considering having a bowl of cereal. But mostly I just want to go to sleep. I'm not sure what tomorrow will hold. If I'm going to go to camp or not. If I still feel this bad in the morning I will probably stay home. And I am trying hard to not feel bad about that.

I hope you all have a good night. Sleep well and be safe. I love you dearly. Good night!

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skzhocomments · 6 months ago

Text

In the Dark - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 8 - Letting go

General masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

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Chapter 8 - Letting go

chapter word count: ~5.6k words

~Jieun’s POV~

The next morning, I woke up and got dressed, then I went to work and managed to get through yet another tiring day with too little sleep. It was hard to focus, because my mind kept wandering off to Charisma, which made me unable to fall asleep, and my heart was beating too fast in anticipation for today’s meeting.

When 6:45 finally rolled around and Charisma came in the room, the first thing he did to greet me was peck my lips while caressing my hair.

He was so tender, I lost control over my heart again. Why was he treating me like this – like a lover he cherished, and not like a simple whore? I didn’t get it, but then again, I wasn’t exactly treating him like a mere client either, nor did I ever think of him as such.

Charisma to me was… special, to say the least. He was a man I didn’t know the face of, who still treated me way better than I probably deserved, who took care of my needs even if he was paying me to take care of his, and the way he kissed me was…

Intense…

Incredible…

And passionate.

He kissed me like he loved me, and even if it was a lie, I wanted him to lie to me more. I’ve definitely never been kissed like that before, with such desire and raw passion, and now that I got a taste, I just couldn’t stop.

So, I didn’t.

When he moved away to other parts of my body, I grabbed his face and kissed him again. I didn’t want us to part at all, I wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until my mouth grew tired, just to make up for all these weeks we haven’t kissed.

He pushed me on the bed and got on top of me, his mouth still on mine, and we just stayed like that and explored each other’s mouths, hands trailing on the other’s body tenderly and softly, all the while our tongues were fighting a passionate battle against each other.

I was once again just in my underwear, a different colour than yesterday, but still made of lace, so, with Charisma on top of me, it felt like he was keeping me warm and protected from the cold outside.

Charisma moved against my core slowly and I felt myself get wetter and wetter with each movement of his hips. I was already dizzy from the euphoria his kisses gave me, so I let my hands roam down his chest until I reached the hem of his pants, and I pulled on them to show him my intention. He caught on quickly, as not even a few seconds later, I heard his zipper open and felt his hard dick rub against my pussy, still covered in lingerie.

With his other hand, Charisma moved my panties to the side and entered me slowly, leaving me enough time to adjust to his length, although I doubt that was even necessary anymore, since I was so used to him by now, I was almost sure my body and his were crafted together, and we were meant to meet up at one point of another just to reunite, to become complete.

I moaned in his mouth, my hands moving around his neck just to make sure he wouldn’t move away. I needed him so badly, I was dreading this hour being over, my body getting cold and my lips feeling lonely.

He understood me, and even with my legs around his torso and him deep inside me, he kept kissing me. It was hard to breathe, and I found myself moaning again and again in his mouth, unintentionally breaking the kiss from time to time, but he didn’t mind it, he just reattached his lips on mine and kept fucking me until the knot in my stomach grew too tight, until we both let go and welcomed the pure bliss of our orgasms.

---

MEETING REVIEW FORM by Charisma

Rate Flame from 1 to 5 (lowest to highest): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Were all your special requirements fulfilled? (Leave empty if not applicable): Baby, today was… I don’t even have words anymore. Fuck. Let’s do it again tomorrow.

What did you enjoy? You have no idea how stressful the past weeks have been, not only at work, but especially so, and this was just what I needed. I’m sending you a little gift so you can get yourself something nice. Thank you, Flame. Truly.

What should be improved? -

Would you like to tip Flame? (Any amount you write will automatically be deducted from your Card after submitting this form. Leave empty if you don’t wish to tip your host): 2000$

Thank you for using our service!

---

MEETING REVIEW FORM by Flame

Rate the interaction with the customer from 1 to 5 (lowest to highest): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Did the customer fulfil your special requirements? -

Tip received – 2000$: I don’t even know what to say… I’m glad if our meeting helped alleviate your stress at least a little bit. I didn’t do anything special, I just followed my heart, and it turned out that way… I was actually scared it would be too much, I just knew that I wanted to kiss you, and never stop. I’m happy you didn’t find it annoying or anything. I can’t wait to meet up with you again.

---

2000$?!

As a TIP?

No fucking way.

I shook my head in denial, not understanding how, or what happened for him to tip me this much. Sure, I loved the sex, and the moment was extremely intimate, but… what?

What was making him so stressed?

I read his message again and again, and it took me so long to form a coherent reply and send it back.

‘This was just what I needed.’ He said, and it might’ve been true. Kissing releases oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, and makes you overall more relaxed, but… isn’t this a bit much?

2000$ for kissing me for one hour?

Really?

I was simply dumbfounded. It was like my mind was a puzzle and a piece was missing.

~Time skip: Saturday~

Ugh, I hate waking up in the morning. I groaned while getting out of bed with a yawn, cursing after seeing that it’s 9 something and I’m already awake, even though it was a Saturday and I could’ve slept in.

After Thursday, Charisma ended up not booking me anymore on Friday, and even if I panicked at first that I might’ve said the wrong thing in my Review Form, I tried to be more rational and figured out he probably had a lot of work, since he explicitly said that work’s been really stressful lately.

After getting out of bed, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and saw I had 4 unread messages. After seeing who they were from, I probably never opened something so quickly.

Huh???

He wants me to take care of Nari today?

Without thinking it twice, I dialled his number, and he picked up after just one ring.

“Good morning.” I said, but my voice didn’t come out right. It was groggy, and it was way too obvious that I just woke up.

Maybe he wouldn’t notice.

“Hey, Jieun. Thanks for calling. I hope I didn’t wake you up with my messages.”

Well, shit.

He noticed.

“No, not at all. Uhm, about that…”

“You can’t come, can you? That’s fine, I’ll just-”

“No, actually, I’m free today, so I can take care of Nari.”

“Really? Oh God, you’re a lifesaver, I swear. Can you come here?”

“Sure, when do you have to leave for work?”

“In about an hour.”

“Okay, then I’ll get ready and come.”

“That’s amazing. Thank you so much, Jieun! Let me know when you’re ready, I’m sending a taxi to get you.”

“A taxi?” I chuckled. “What, aren’t they dangerous anymore?”

“Pfft.” He laughed briefly. “It’s different now. It’s no longer 3 AM.”

“Sure, sure.” I laughed as well. “Okay, I’m gonna let you know when I’m ready.”

“Thank you!”

I ended the call and got ready relatively quickly, and I dressed myself in something warm, because I wasn’t sure what type of activities Nari would like us to do today. I needed to be ready in case she wanted to go outside.

Of course, I didn’t call Minho again, because I didn’t want him to pay for my taxi. Instead, I started walking towards their apartment building, stopping at the supermarket to grab some ingredients to cook lunch, since I was sure Nari would want us to cook something, and then I ordered a cab myself and headed to Minho’s apartment.

I knocked on the door, and Minho opened with a surprised face. He was dressed in smart casual clothes, and he smelled so nicely. His perfume must’ve been expensive.

Thinking about it… when he picked me up that night after I met Charisma, I felt like they had the same perfume…

And even now, his perfume is so similar. Not the same, but… similar. Too similar.

Is it the same brand?

Yeah, that must be it...

As soon as Minho saw it was me standing in the doorway, he grabbed the shopping bags from my hands and started scolding me.

“Why didn’t you call? I would’ve sent a taxi, or we could’ve come picked you up from the supermarket. Don’t tell me you took the stairs. You should’ve at least called to let me help with the grocery bags-”

“Okay, okay, dad, you can calm down now.” I chuckled. “It’s just some shopping bags, no need to get so worked up.”

“MISS PARK?!” Nari’s voice rang loud in my ears, and a few seconds later she ran full speed in my arms, hugging me.

“Nari, dear, hello.”

“I missed you!” She said and looked up at me, a bright smile on her face.

“Didn’t we see each other yesterday, though?” I tilted my head and pouted in a playful way, and she nodded.

“Yes, but I still missed you. I wish we could spend time together every day!”

“Aww, me too.” I pinched her cheeks. “I got something for you.” I went directly towards one of the bags in Minho’s hands and urged him to open it, and after searching through it for a bit, I finally found what I was looking for.

“Chocolate!” Nari shouted.

“And for you-” I looked at Minho, and he looked back at me confused. “-here.”

“A protein shake?” He chuckled.

“Isn’t it good?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just-”

“If you don’t want it, give it back.” I reached out for it, but Minho reacted quickly and put it above his head, where my hands didn’t reach.

He was too damn tall.

“I want it.” He chuckled. “No way I’m giving it back.”

I stuck out my tongue at him, and he burst out laughing.

“Thank you for coming.” He said after a few seconds. “Really.”

“Now, now, stop thanking me and go to work already.”

“Okay.” He smiled. “Nari, be good today and have fun with Miss Park, hm? I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiled and hugged him, and then Minho left.

“So, now that there’s just the two of us, what should we do?” I turned to Nari who seemed a bit upset.

“I want daddy to come back.” She pouted, rubbing her eyes. Small tears started falling down her round cheeks, so I put myself on one knee and took her in my arms.

“I know you do, dear. But he has to go to work-”

“I hate his work!”

“Shh. We can’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because he works so hard for you.”

“But I want him to spend more time with me!”

“Off baby, didn’t he promise you you’re going to spend the whole day tomorrow again?”

“He did…”

“Look, that’s amazing! You’re gonna have a fun day tomorrow together. But until then, don’t you want to have a fun day with me as well?”

To that, Nari simply nodded, and I wiped off her tears.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, and she nodded again. “Let’s cook together, hm?”

The day went on, and after lunch, Nari asked to go see her grandmother in the hospital, and after checking in with Minho through text and getting his approval, there we went.

“Nari, it’s such a surprise to see you!” Mrs. Choi smiled brightly and sat up.

“Grandma!” Nari jumped on the bed in her grandmother’s arms.

“Hello, my name is Park Jieun, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I smiled and bowed politely.

“Miss Park is my teacher!” Nari explained, and her grandmother nodded.

“Well, then, I’m going to leave you two to catch up and I’m gonna come back in – 30 minutes?” I ask Nari, but she shook her head.

“Can’t you just stay here with me and grandma?” She pouted.

“Yes, it would be nice to hear more about Nari from you, since I couldn’t come to her new school so far.” Mrs. Choi urged me to sit down next to her, and I followed suit.

“Okay, what would you like to know?”

“Everything.” She chuckled. “Is she getting along well with the others?”

“Yes, grandma, I told you about my friends!” Nari spoke.

“Indeed, she made a lot of friends, and she loves talking to them too much, sometimes during classes.” I threw Nari a scolding look, and she hid her face with her hands, making us both laugh at how cute she was being.

“Nari, it’s not good to talk during class!” Mrs. Choi said and caressed her hair gently. Watching this duo made my heart melt, as it reminded me so much of my grandma and how she always treated me with such care, especially during my younger years, after my parents passed away.

We chatted for some time with Mrs. Choi, she thanked me for taking care of Nari, and then I asked the girl if she would mind dropping by my grandmother’s room as well. She seemed quite excited to go, even going as far as letting go of my hand and running in the room before me.

“Grandma!” She screamed loudly, and my grandmother had a bewildered look on her face, as she was probably taken by surprise.

“Oh, my! If this is not Nari! How are you, sweetie? How come you’re here?”

“Hey, grandma.” I entered the room as well. “I’m on babysitter duty today.”

“No! You’re not my babysitter!” Nari retorted quickly, and I realised I said the wrong thing.

“Yes, of course not. Sorry, Nari.” I smiled gently, and she dropped it.

“I’m so happy to have some company today! Didn’t think you’d be coming!” Grandma talked with venom in her voice.

“As if I haven’t come yesterday.” I rolled my eyes.

“Nari, make sure you don’t grow up so indifferent of your grandmother!” Grandma said, and Nari started shaking her head.

“No, no way!” She said.

“So, what brings you two here?”

“Granny is sick, so we came to visit her!” Nari clarified.

“Oh, is that so? I’m so sorry to hear that darling. I hope she’ll feel better soon.”

“Me too! And I hope you’ll feel better too, so we can all go play together in the park.”

“That’s so sweet of you. I’d like that very much!”

“Do you want to see my paintings?”

Nari then looked at me expectedly, as I was carrying her drawing pad in my backpack. She asked me to grab it for her before we left the house, but she didn’t bring it up while seeing Mrs. Choi, so I was quite surprised she remembered she had it.

“Of course, let’s see what our little Picasso is painting!” Grandma replied excited, and she looked so much better than yesterday. Maybe she really needed some more company, and Nari’s optimism was contagious.

I pulled out the drawing pad and handed it to Nari, who happily showed grandma all of her recent paintings, some of them which I also haven’t seen before. She explained what all of them meant and what we were seeing and were supposed to see, and by the end of the talk, grandma thanked her for being so kind to spend time with an old lady, and they even hugged goodbye.

“Why didn’t you show your grandmother your paintings too? I bet she would’ve been happy to see them.” I asked Nari. We were now in the taxi, heading back to Minho’s apartment.

“Hmmm…” she contemplated for a bit. “I could’ve. But… I wanted to show them to my other grandma today. That’s why I asked you to take the paintings.”

“To my grandmother? Why?”

“She seemed sad last time, so I painted happy pictures so she can be happy too!”

“Did you know we were going to visit her?” I asked, tilting my head.

“I was going to ask you if we could, so I’m happy we went to her too!”

“Nari, that’s… so sweet of you, baby.” I hugged her, feeling my eyes swell up with tears. She was such a precious child, and so empathetic, always thinking of others.

“Do you think I made her happy, Miss Park?”

“Yes, I’m sure you did. Didn’t you see how much she was smiling?”

“I had a lot of fun with my other grandma.”

“She had a lot of fun with you too.” I kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, Nari.”

After we got home, we watched a movie, and by dinner time, Nari helped me make some pesto pasta with chicken. Just as we were getting seated, the front door opened, and Nari jumped from her chair and ran towards it.

“Daddy!” She screamed. I got up as well to go to the door.

“Princess! Had fun today?”

“Yes. We had a loooot of fun! We painted together, and I saw 101 Dalmatians with Miss Park! And we cooked! Two times!”

“It smells really good. Hey.” Minho acknowledged me with a short nod.

“Hello. Welcome back. Do you want some?” I asked. “We were just starting to eat.”

“That would be amazing.” He smiled. “I’m gonna go wash my hands and join you.”

“So, tell me more about 101 Dalmatians.” Minho asked Nari who was munching on the pasta happily.

“They wer leeaaalllyyy cuuute nd-”

“Nari, not with your mouth full, please.” I reminded her, and she quickly swallowed her food.

“I’m sorry, Miss Park. I wanted to say that they were really cute, and I want a dog too!”

“Oh no.” Minho chuckled.

“Pleaaaseeeeee!! Pleaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

Minho seemed to fight a battle inside his head. On one hand, he surely wanted to please Nari and give her everything she wanted, but on the other, he probably didn’t want to get a dog, especially with how much time he was spending away from home.

“Nari, I…” He started, but she kept pleading, moment when his eyes found mine and it was like he was saying You did this, now please save me.

“Nari, animals aren’t toys.” I shook my head in disapproval. “They are not something you can get on a whim just because you see a film. They have feelings just like us, and they have so many needs. They have to go to the bathroom outside, at least three times per day, you have to feed them, give them water… Would you give up on your art classes to take care of a dog? What would happen if you and daddy weren’t home? Wouldn’t the dog be lonely?”

“But… they are cute.”

“They really are, right? Look, daddy can take you to a dog café so you can play with dogs while eating cake, wouldn’t that be so much fun?”

“Yes!!! I want it! Can we go tomorrow?” She looked at Minho, who nodded, happy that he was out of trouble, for now at least.

“Okay, so what else did you do? Did you see grandma today?”

“Yes! We went to the hospital, and I showed my other grandma my paintings, and she was really happy!” Nari replied innocently, continuing to eat.

“Your other grandma…?” Minho tilted his head confused, then looked at me for more clarifications. However, before I had the time to swallow the food in my mouth and reply, Nari started speaking again.

“Yes! She told me she loves how I painted, and she hopes I visit her again!”

“She means my grandmother.” I quickly explained, and Minho nodded.

“That sounds like so much fun.” Minho smiled, and we continued chatting for a while, hearing Nari talk about her day and how sad she was that it was ending.

It was quite the contrast from this morning, when she started crying seeing her dad go to work. I continued watching the father daughter duo with a smile plastered on my face and my heart warm.

They must love each other a lot.

After eating, Minho went to put Nari to bed while I cleaned up the kitchen.

“Hey…” He came in just as I was finishing up. “Thank you for taking care of Nari today. You helped me out a lot.”

“No problem.” I waved my hand around. “We had a lot of fun, and Nari is a good kid. You raised her well.”

“Thank you.” He chuckled.

“Really. I almost started crying when she told me she brought the drawings to the hospital because she wanted to cheer my grandmother up.” Saying it out loud, a few tears made their way in my eyes again, and I rubbed my eyes and chuckled. “Sorry.”

Minho watched me and smiled, without saying anything.

“So… I should probably be getting home. It’s getting late again.” I concluded after a few seconds of eye contact. I didn’t want to outstay my welcome like last time, and it was a reasonable hour to go home.

“Oh, are you going back already?” He replied somewhat dejected.

“Already?” I chuckled this time. “I’ve been here for… over 9 hours?”

“Won’t you… stay? For a glass of wine, at least? I got this bottle-” He rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a bottle of wine, taking me by surprise. “I thought you might be in need of some adult conversations.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be wrong about that.” I chuckled. “I did have some adult conversations today, though. I met your mother.”

“Was she nice to you?” He chuckled.

“She was.” Almost as nice as you. I wanted to say, but maybe flirting with Nari’s dad at 9 PM wasn’t the best idea in the world.

“Jieun, scratch that. It was just an excuse. I am in need of some good company, so please stay.”

“But still… wine? You must’ve noticed last time that I’m kind of a mess when I drink.” I tried to refuse once again, but Minho’s reply cut my air supply off.

“You’re a pretty mess, though.”

Not flirting with Nari’s dad is out the window, apparently.

Why is HE flirting with me???

I stood silent for a few seconds, my face flushing as red as the wine in the bottle, and after thinking it out, or rather- NOT thinking it out, I nodded sheepishly.

He smiled satisfied and took out two wine glasses, then made his way to the living room, and I just followed him, like the submissive cunt I am.

“Agh, finally being home feels good.” He plopped down on the couch, placing the wine glasses on the table and opening the bottle, and I sat down next to him while the red liquid flowed in them.

“Wish I could say the same, but someone convinced me to stay for a glass of wine.”

“Just one glass?” Minho chuckled and shook his head. “No way, Jieun. I got 3 bottles for us.”

“Point still stands.” I shrugged and tried not to think about it.

But still, he said ‘for us’. Fuck. My heart was going crazy.

“You just gotta make yourself home here. Isn’t it cozy?” Minho replied nonchalantly, as if he just gave me the most logical solution in the world.

“Are you this cheeky all the time or did the alcohol already go to your head?”

“No, I need a few more glasses for that. I was just stating a fact there.”

“Yeah, I already conquered the kitchen, which I’m pretty sure has never been used before.”

“Oh, but it has. We have a personal chef during the week.”

What?

I must’ve made a weird face, for Minho started chuckling.

“Have I never told you?”

“No, why would you?” I asked, and it was true. There was no reason for me to know this information.

I was still spiralling though.

A personal chef?

“I obviously can’t cook, and I didn’t want to burden my mom with that, so I hired someone. Easy peasy.” He shrugged.

Easy peasy?

This was certainly not normal for a regular family, so how was he so nonchalant about it?

How much money did Minho have, exactly, to be able to afford this luxury?

“That’s pretty cool. I wish I could have one.”

“Why? You’re an amazing cook. I love your food.”

“Thanks.” I grinned, feeling like the Cheshire cat.

“How did you learn how to cook?”

“Hmm.” I united my lips in a thin line, waiting for Minho to fill up my second glass. Then, I took a few sips, and talked. “After my parents died and my grandma took me in, I was home alone a lot…”

“Sorry. I didn’t know about your parents…”

“I never mentioned it.” I smiled.

“What happened?”

“They had a car accident on their way back from work… I was younger than Nari when that happened.” I replied and downed my second glass.

Was it the wine that was making me feel so vulnerable and be… so honest?

Minho, of course, kept up with my pace and drank as well, so we were already starting up our second bottle.

“I’m really, really sorry.” His hand found mine resting on my knee, and he squeezed it hard, before resuming his initial position.

His hand felt nice. Warm. Comforting.

I wished he would’ve let it stay on top on mine instead of taking it away.

Huh?

“That’s… it’s been a long time since then.”

“Still. For me it’s been 8 years since I lost Ellie, and some days are still hard…”

“Ellie… she had a pretty name.” I smiled.

“She was… a really amazing woman.”

“She left Nari for you, though. I think that’s beautiful.”

“I don’t know… I mean, don’t get me wrong. Nari is my whole world, and being her father is the best thing that’s ever happened to me… I just wish it didn’t come at a price, you know?”

“Minho… I don’t know if… it’s appropriate for me to say this… but… I hope you know it’s not your fault things turned out this way, right?”

“How can it not be? If I didn’t want Nari, she would’ve still been-”

I didn’t want to let him finish this painful sentence, so I cut him off, throwing my body against him and hugging those negative feelings away.

I didn’t want him to blame himself.

“You know, Minho…?” I started, still hugging him tightly. He didn’t push me away, so that was a good start. “When my parents died, they were rushing to get home because it was my birthday, and I cried on the phone and told them to hurry up. They did, and they slipped on the road, my dad lost control of the car and they ended up colliding with a tree trunk.”

“Jieun…”

“My father would’ve never driven so fast on slippery roads, but because I asked them to come home faster…” I hesitated a bit, feeling myself start crying. “Was it my fault, Minho…?”

Truth is, I’ve also blamed myself, but it was not fair to us to put the blame on ourselves, just because life happened the way it did. Life was a bitch, and sometimes she liked fucking with our heads way too much. I didn’t want Minho to blame himself too, for I knew that feeling all too well, and it was agonizing.

“Of course it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid. How could it ever be your fault?”

“So why is it yours, hm?” I pulled away from the hug and looked straight in his eyes. “Why is it your fault that your wife died giving birth to your child? Were you wrong to want a baby? Is that such a crime, deserving of you blaming yourself for the rest of your life?”

It was harsh, but the truth could be harsh and painful, and he needed to hear that.

He looked at me dumbfounded and opened his mouth a few times to say something. However, no words would come out. Instead, a single tear rolled down his right cheek. I grabbed my sleeve and pulled it higher on my palm, then wiped it off.

“We are not guilty of anything, Minho, so why do we hurt ourselves like that?”

~Minho’s POV~

I didn’t know what to say. She was right, and even if my friends told me so many times it was not my fault, convincing me that Ellie also fell in love with the idea of being pregnant and ended up wanting the pregnancy, I could never get rid of that feeling of self-loathing in my chest for making her do the one thing that ultimately led to her losing her life…

… until now.

Hearing Jieun’s words was like a slap across the face. My emotions were all over the place, but somehow a weight got lifted off my heart. My chest was lighter, my mind clearer, and I finally understood what my friends told me all these years.

I finally got it.

“Jieun… thank you for saying that. Truly.” I responded after a while. She was so patient with me. She didn’t try to fill the silence at all. She let me process everything in peace, silently sipping from her wine, throwing a glance at me once in a while and wiping away with her sleeve any stray tear running down my cheeks.

“Mhm.” She nodded, acknowledging me.

“I…”

“You should spend more time with Nari once you’re less busy with work.” She cut me off. “She cried today, after you left.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“I will. The album I’m working on will be ready in about 2 weeks from now, so…”

“That’s good. And don’t forget to take her to the dog café tomorrow.”

“I won’t.” I chuckled. She was pretty cute trying to take care of mine and Nari’s relationship. “Thank you for looking after Nari so well.”

“She’s my favourite.” She whispered.

“I think you’re her favourite too.” I chuckled again. “She likes you more than she likes me, probably.”

“No, she doesn’t. You’re still her dad.” She laughed in response. “So, just two weeks and I’ll no longer babysit?”

“Exactly. Just two weeks. Wait, are you saying you’ll take care of her next week as well?!” I asked, surprised.

“Of course. Who else? Since I’m her favourite and all.” Jieun chuckled and finished up another glass of wine. We were already getting started on the third bottle, and I felt myself get a bit tipsy. Her laugh was intoxicating, and so pleasant to hear.

I must’ve caught courage after kissing Flame, because otherwise I would’ve never done this, I would’ve never been this bold.

Without thinking, I muttered “You’re my favourite too.” And I grabbed her hand, leaning over her and ending up on top of her on the couch.

“Minho…” she said softly, and she was so beautiful under me. Her cheeks and lips were as red as the wine we’ve been drinking, and fuck, seeing her caged like that under me made my dick throb in my pants uncontrollably. I wanted her so badly.

Her hands touched my hands as she made way for my body between her legs, and she looked at me expectedly, her eyes trailing from mine to my lips.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Without missing a beat, Jieun raised her head and captured my lips in a fevered kiss, and I lost all control, kissing her back. We kissed for a while like that, my body feeling way too comfortable on top of hers.

“Baby…” I whispered.

“Fuck, Minho, why does it feel like we’ve kissed a million times before? Fuck…” She spoke between hurried breaths. The curse words felt sweet on her lips, and she was right.

The thought that she was Flame crossed my mind again, and I wanted to ask her, but…

I was too much of a coward, and I didn’t want her to know about Flame, in case I was wrong.

That was so selfish of me, but I wanted Jieun so, so badly, and I didn’t want to ruin whatever was going to happen between us.

I moved to her neck and the way she whimpered was once again way too familiar.

“Fuck…” she cursed again, leaning her head back and giving me more access to kiss and bite her neck as I pleased.

My left hand moved around her waist, and her form seemed familiar, too.

Am I going crazy?

I separated myself from her and looked straight in her eyes, and they were full of desire. Did they just reflect mine?

Just as I moved my mouth back on hers, Nari’s quiet sobs came from down the hall, and both of us froze. Jieun and I just looked panicked at each other for a few seconds, before I moved away from her and we sat upright on the sofa, waiting for Nari to inevitably reach the living room.

“Daddy…” She sobbed softly. “I had a nightmare.”

“Oh, princess. Let’s go back to sleep, hm?” I stood up from the sofa and went to Nari’s room to help her fall back asleep.

After comforting her for a while, I exited her room and saw Jieun at the front door, dressed and ready to go.

“Where are you going?” I asked, confused.

“Minho… it’s really late… Thank you for the wine, and… I’ll see you on Monday when you drop Nari off to school, hm?” She smiled, but the look on her face was almost… guilty.

“It’s late, yes. So just stay here.” I reached to her hand to grab it, but she pulled it back.

“I’m sorry, I really have to go…”

“Okay…” I didn’t push it any further, not wanting to make her uncomfortable in any way. “Let me order a cab for you, hm?”

“Sure…” She looked away and hugged herself.

“Just so you know… I’m not regretting anything that happened tonight…” I felt the need to add, and she sighed.

“Me neither. It’s just… I think we are moving a bit too fast, and we really should think of Nari first…”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Jieun. Can I see you downstairs?”

“You should stay here. What if she wakes up again?”

“Okay.” I nodded. “Thank you again for today, and… I’ll see you Monday morning?”

“Of course. Good night, Minho.”

With that, she left, and I felt a pang of longing in my chest, since all I could do was watch her go.

---

Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

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idkfnok · 1 year ago

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11:11: Let Me Show You (p2)

Main Characters: Jehraye "Jay" Guidry; Alani "Lan" Sanders

A real slow-burn

PT 1

I get back home to Georgia after 11p.m. I lowkey wanted to call Jehraye, but I figured he would’ve been asleep. I get in my car and drive, I loved going back to N.O. but, I did miss downtown Augusta. It’s similar to a lot of places but, still aint nothing like it. I get home, take my bags up to my apartment, take a shower, reheat that white chicken chili I had left, I ate and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning around 10, with A missed call from My mama. I know she’s calling to ask about New Orleans. I made a mental note to call her later. I brush my teeth and get dressed before heading over to the Tattoo shop that Nya owns and doing a little voluntary receptionist work for awhile. I love coming to her shop. Because not only did I get free reign to the little snack bar she had. I got to interact with some cool ass people too. Nya’s a traditional tattoo artist. The people in her shop though, were cartoonist and realist, shit, she even had a traditional stick -and - poke artist too. Dymo, the Realist, actually did the portrait of my great grandma I got three years ago after she passed. All of their work was top-notch. Nya wouldn’t stand for anything else. Which showed, not only in her work, but that of the one’s she hired too.

She was always playing music too. It jumped all over the place. She went from indie artists like music by this dude named Money from Atlanta, Russ to Rodwave, Kodak black, Jacob banks, King von, Kirk franklin to Gallant and Marco Mckinnis ; all the way to Panic at the Disco and all things in between.Crazy enough, the dude “Money” is one of her best friends. Her only preference in most aspects of her life was “I like it.” Music was no different. Mari Walked in at about 11:30. I knew then, my voluntary duties were done. I got up from the desk, hugged Mari, yelled that I was leaving and made my way out of the shop and to the Mall so I can go stare at the back of Spencer’s and ponder not buying shit before I made my way to Victoria’s secret and sniffed around for perfume to buy at their semi annual sale. I picked up the Rainbow Shower, Desert Sky and Cactus Water.

What does the schedule look like for the rest of the day?

“Consultation at 11: 45, Surgery at 12:30 , then lunch ; You’re tightening Miah’s braces, check the schedule for tomorrow and we should both be outta here by 4.

Cool.”

“ So how was your wednesday?”

It was good, why you ask?

“Jaelai told me you went on a date or something yesterday morning.”

Tell yo wife to mind her business.

“My wife, yo sister.”

I bet she the one who sent Toni ass to my table.

“Nooooo. What she say?”

She was chill until I give her the tip, then she talmbout “Make sure you get yo child”

“No she didn’t”

The hell if she didn’t! had my date looking at me funny

“😂”

That shit ain’t funny. Im tryna support her and she throwing salt in the game 😂

“Toni was always fucking with you. She’s been doing it as long as she’s been with Kieran

I know. But, damn if she don’t do it at the worst times.

“Well you got the crybaby today so, be prepared.”

She never cried with me.I don’t know what you be doing to my niece but she don’t like it

“I’m her daddie.”

Maybe it’s because you white.

“I have been white her whole life.”

Ion know maybe she just like me better.

“ Yeah because you always give her what she want.”

She ten , why not?

“I feel sorry for any man who dates any of your daughters.”

Why you say that?

“Cause her like whoever her mama gonna be, is gonna be spoiled to hell. Cause you brother, are a Hopeless Romantic with a damn good job and a real love of women.”

Always. Speaking of romance, you just reminded me that I gotta call Lan once I get off.

The rest of the day went by smooth. The consultation led to another appointment next month for braces, I tightened my nieces braces and The surgery; started and finished quicker than I expected. I was outta the office by 4: 15 . I got in my car and called Alani.

“Hello.”

Hey gorgeous, how you doing?

“I’m doing aight”

That’s good. , how has your day been? Give me details please

“It was pretty good. I woke up, ate, brushed my teeth, got dressed and I went to Nya’s shop.”

Which one of your friends was Nya again?

“The one who had on the red bodycon dress.”

Okay

“ Yeah she’s a tattoo artist. I go to her shop sometimes to help and steal snacks.”

Uh huh

“ Talked to some customers and chilled until Mari got there.”

That’s the one with the red hair?

“Yep.”

Before you continue. Speaking of jobs, what do you do?

“I’m a doula.

Oh Okay, I’m a Orthodontist.

“ At 28?!”

Yes, I have been for like a year, almost two. Anyway, continue on.

“I left the shop, went to the mall and called my mama back after I left Victoria’s Secret, and i’ve been home for a few hours.

Foreal? Cool, i'm bout to Facetime you.

I press the camera icon and wait for her to answer. When she does, the first thing I notice is how shiny her lips are. She has this 90’s lip combo. You know the one with the 5% tint around the edges and it looks amazing on her. I compliment her and our conversation continues. She tells me that she is a birth doula and some of what that entails. I ain’t ever see anybody give birth but, the way she describes it makes it sound like one of the scariest and most beautiful things ever. Most of her clients are Black women, second time moms who have had terrible experiences in the hospital. From women almost dying because nurses and doctors try to write their pain off as “normal” shit.

If the person dealing with this is telling you that they can’t breathe, they have a splitting headache or can’t feel their legs long after the epidural should’ve worn off, you should listen. Hearing her recount some of these stories pissed me off. You shouldn’t fear for your or child’s life coming into the hospital. I learned some things like water births are really popular and are often more relaxing for the mother. That tidbit of information I tucked into my back pocket.

We talked about the time my tooth went through the bottom of my lip and left a scar when I was a kid, my first sexual experience at 14 that involved licking whipped cream off of some pussy once or twice. She told me about the time she ran head first into a brick wall when she was 8 and how she snorted salt up her nose when she was 13 because she “wanted to see what it felt like if she ever snorted powder.” on some wild shit. I was really enjoying the conversation. So much so, that I hadn’t realized I was home, sitting in my car for the past five hours. I looked at the time on my phone and it was 9:40 and I needed to get in the house so that I could shower, eat and go to bed.

Things continued that way for a few more days. Us updating one another throughout the day, nightly phone calls, early morning voice messages. Sending badly angled and funny looking pictures of each other from facetime calls. I've watched her get dressed and she’s watched me get undressed. We’ve fallen asleep on the phone only to wake up and one of us has hung up. And it’s usually her. We’ve given one another recipes. Her recipe for brown butter chocolate chip pecan cookies is top tier and she gave me a lot of praise on my five cheese macaroni. Before I knew it, the Thursday of our date had shown up. I woke up that morning to the reminder and was hella excited. I had been thinking about what to cook for two days now and I decided on Smothered Okra with shrimp and tomatoes over rice. I called her, told her what I had in mind; she said it sounded good and she was going to cook the same; but add chicken to it.

We Facetimed each other while shopping for food. I helped her pick out the proper seasonings and ingredients needed for the dish and advised her to pick up a bag of Basmati rice instead of “regular” rice. I picked up cut okra while she wanted the whole Okra.I grabbed a bottle of wine and she passed on that. We went back to our houses and started preparing the meal. I ain't feel like chopping onions, so I bought the pre-cut ones. She was all about the full process. She chopped her onions, peppers and all while I watched as she struggled to cut some of ‘em because she don’t know how to properly handle a knife. She more than proved my point when she sliced her damned finger, dropped the knife and probably almost cut her foot too.

Baby, be careful, please!

“I’m fine Jehraye, it’s just a little cut. The knife ain’t that sharp”

And that’s probably the problem Lan. Get you some better knives Bae.

“My knives work just fine.”

No they do not, clearly. You were struggling to cut the bell pepper.

“That’s because I don’t know how to cut shit.”

Aight, so you got one option, start buying pre-cut vegetables.

“I will not.”

Then I suggest you get on youtube and learn how to use knives because I'mma order you some new ones.

“Jay-”

No, bae you don’t wanna use pre- cut stuff, I'm getting you new knives. So go ‘head and give me A FedEx drop off, P.O. box, your address or something.

“How about this-”

If ain’t no solution in this baby, don’t even say nothing.

“How about when you come visit me, we can look at knives together.”

Aight that sounds- wait! You gonna let me come see you?!

“Yes sir. Just not until the end of the month.”

Baaaaaabbbbbbyyyy, that’s like 3 weeks away.

“You’ll be fine.”

Nuh uh…. My doctor said if I don’t see you in two weeks imma die.

“Ohhh you so dramatic 😂 yo ass is not gonna die.”

When I am touch deprived for a long time, I start to waste away into a pile of dirt.

“I can’t with you. Jehraye Guidry, you are something else.”

We talk while finishing up the food and once she turns her smothered Okra and shrimp down she announces that she’s about to get in the shower so she can get dressed and the rest of our date can continue. We hang up and about 35 minutes later she’s calling me while she finishes up the rest of her routine. I don't mind because I am also on the tail end of finishing up my hair. I choose to go with a braid out because I know she’s wanted to see my hair. She calls back when I am almost done taking out my last braid. She’s putting on lipgloss and perfume. When she looks at the camera, she gasps and says “Your hair!”

Yeah. you said you wanted to see it out so, I decided to wear it out.

“You look so cute. Now I really wanna play in it.”

Well, when I come to see you; you can play in it for a few minutes

“Why only a few minutes?”

You think Imma come to Augusta and just sit around? We gotta order knives and I wanna go to the mellow mushroom. You said it was a cool bar and I wanna see a lil bit of your city.

“But what if I wanna just lay up with you and play in your hair?”

We can do that. But, you already told me that you like rubbing on folks and I like being rubbed on. That goes on for too long, We might end up in a few more positions than you intended , and you gon be doing a hell of a lot more than playing in my hair.

“ I’m down for wherever that leads us.”

Alani

“Jehraye”

Let me be clear, you rubbing on me…we fucking.

“I understand what you’re saying.”

Yeah, but are you okay with that happening?

“Yes, I want it to.”

Aight. Listen, I've been waiting for this.

“What do you mean?”

I purposefully ain’t been jacking off for about a week.”

“Okay.”

And imma hold off until I get to you.

“Oohhhhh”

Yeah so, you better be prepared.

“I hear you.”

We sit down at our tables and begin eating. I wait to see her take her first bite. I wanted her to like it because the recipe I gave her is truly my own and I wanted to know if she fucked with it. The way my eyes lit up when I saw hers damn near bulge out of her head; the only way I coulda been any happier in that moment was if she and I were sitting in front of each other. I spooned some of the food into my mouth as she moaned satisfactorily at the first taste of my food, she had no idea she was eating. After telling her that I couldn't wait to see her, our conversation took a very sexual turn as we discussed some of the things we were and weren’t willing to do.

“How do you feel about aftercare?”

I rarely ever do it, but the times I have; i’ve enjoyed it.

“Why don’t you do it more?”

My goal is to satisfy the woman and myself, if that puts her to sleep; so be it.

“So aint nobody ever put you to sleep?”

Some have.

“Well, I expect aftercare.”

And you gon get it, if you aint sleep.

So what’s your views on sucking dick?

“I like it. I only do it like a spur of the moment thing. I don’t plan it.”

Okay. I like kissing.That’s before, definitely during and after sex.

“Me too.”’

Aight so, how would you feel if I wanted to eat yo ass?

“That’s a “no”.”

How come?

“I like to kiss, eating ass and kissing don’t usually go hand-in-hand.”

Gotcha

You can bite and choke me though

“For real?”

Yes, Guidry. I’m cool with that; spanking, and to some degree, restraint.

“Oh baby, you gonna have the time of your life.”

And another thing.

“Yes?”

I am loud, and it ain’t always cute, especially if i’m enjoying it.

“Bae, I’m trying to put you in a position where you NEED aftercare. I don’t expect it to be cute.”

Speaking of, what is a typical aftercare routine for you?

“ simple shit.Take you to the toilet, sit with you while you pee. Run you a shower, help clean you up. I’ll carry you if I have to. I’m a cuddler so, after I feel like you’re situated, I’ll clean up and cuddle you for a while. I might fall asleep, if I don’t within the hour; you can expect waffles to be made. But that is the least I would do.”

I want somewhere closer to the most you can do.

“Then you can’t fall asleep or I can do some of it during or before we fuck.”

Okay , I'm cool with that.

I’ll be honest, having this conversation with him right now, was definitely making me horny and in times like this, I am very grateful that I was born a woman. I have no doubt in my mind that if we were next to each other right now, he would be able to smell how badly I wanted to fuck him. Just thinking about it, my thighs clenched together and I felt that familiar tingle in my stomach. He didn’t help any with his hair falling into his face, licking his lips and kissing at me. The rest of that date, I was going back and forth with mindfulness and imagining what he would feel like inside of me. What his tongue and fingers felt like. What he sounds like when he moans, is he a hard or soft dom. What does he say, if anything while he’s having sex. Just then, I decided to ask.

Jehraye.

“Yes, ma’am”

Do you talk during sex?

“Yes, I do. I talk, moan, cuss, I might say something in french.

You speak French?

A little,

“Oh okay. I might make it my goal to hear some of that from you.

“ You get some French outta me, we locked in. the last person I did that with, we was together for 3 years.”

That ain’t THAT long .

“When you 17, yes it is.”

Fair point.

I don’t know why I decided to ask him that knowing it would lead me directly out of mindfulness and into fantasy land. I was still eating and talking but I wasn’t at this date. I was in my bed with this guy I just met three weeks ago, with my face buried into a pillow while he fucked me as I screamed his name in pure ecstasy. Jay must have noticed because when he finally got my attention back he said “ I’m thinking about it too and I’m bricked the fuck up, baby.” “Jaaayyy” his name comes out way more lust-filled than I intended.“ When I get ahold of you, you’ll know I meant what I said on our first date at Nana’s.” He says. “ All I ask is that you don’t run from me. If you need me to slow down or stop, that’s fine. But DO NOT RUN.” “Why not?” I ask. “ It aggravates me and I'm gonna want to punish you for it.” “How come?” “ cause if we fucking, you wanted this dick. So, unless you say “stop” or I feel like I'm hurting you, you taking EVERY inch I got.” “Damn, It’s like that Jay 🙃?” I say. He comes back with “Ion get in no pussy I don’t wanna be in.”

At that moment, I wanted this man more than I have the past few weeks. We talked some more about our personal “Do’s and Don'ts” of sex, and by the time this date was over, Jay had put his hair back up, I was wishing that I wore underwear. Maybe it was best that I didn’t. I’m not a fan of that cold shit hitting my pussy when I pull my underwear back up. Our date continues on and we finish our food. We stay on facetime for the rest of the night, of course we fell asleep on the phone. This time though I didn’t hang up and awoke to see Jay getting dressed. I watched him for a few minutes before saying “Good morning.” He looked at the camera and said “good morning bae.”

Uh uh, where you going?

“ 🙂I’m taking my nieces out for a lil bit of fun today.”

awwwww , what are ya’ll gonna do?

“They wanna go to the trampoline park and the movies.”

Okay, what are ya’ll gonna watch?

“They wanna see Tiana's Place”

Oh okay, I saw a few commercials for that.

“yeah”

Why y'all leaving so early though?

“So I can catch the matinee, These girls are pricey.”

You shouldn’t be worried about that.

“What you mean?”

The way you did and were willing to spend on me in Nola…

“Yea, now Imagine that on a slightly smaller scale, times three.”

Yep. Baby catch that matinee

Exactly 😂that, on top of gas and feeding them whatever they wanna eat when one of em, wants crumbl cookie and subway; the other one gonna want wendy’s but, a blizzard from sonic and the baby, she aint eating nothing that ain’t a 6pce nugget happy meal with apple slices and a mcflurry wit extra oreos.

Ohhh with the way you spend money, you must be a damn popular Dentist.

“I make good money but I also have a roommate so I can save a bit more.”

Oh okay. Good Well, Imma let you go so you can enjoy your day with your nieces.

“Aht aht.”

What?

“When did we start hanging up without kisses?”

I blow a kiss at the phone and Jay says “Thank you” and hangs up.

My Friday was pretty laid back. Until it wasn’t. My client went into an early labor, so I turned off Law & Order and made my way to North Augusta. When I got there I was the only part of her birthing team present. Because she hadn’t called anyone else yet. She’s one of the patients I offer free advice and to some degree birthing services to, as part of my program where I help young single mothers cope with, prepare for and assist during birth. Despite this being her second time giving birth, she was terrified. I could see it in her eyes. She feared the pain, the uncertainty and a second breech birth. About five minutes after I got there we made calls to the rest of her birthing team, and set up the pool.

We sat her in it and talked through the contractions and tried to keep her calm until it was time for her to push. I held her hand, and fed her some strawberries and ice chips while she focused on breathing and pushing. About 3 hours later Her son had started to crown. When we told her, she started crying. This baby wasn’t breech and maybe this labor would be easier. Forty-five minutes after that baby�� Eanion Ahzi Rivers was born. He was so adorable. We got him cleaned up and I stayed for a few hours after and took care of the baby while she rested. I Picked my phone up and saw I had 2 missed calls from Jay. Eanion’s mama was a wake so I stepped out to return bae’s calls.

“You musta been sleep.”

No. I just helped deliver a baby a few hours ago.

“For real! How’d it go? Are mama and the baby okay?”

Yes, She had a little boy.

“Awwww. How are you doing though?”

I’m fine, we were prepared for a breech birth but he came out head first and he is the chubbiest lil thing you ever did see. How was the day with ya nieces?

“ listen, next time, they can’t get the Aux.”

Why?

“I fuck with Gracie’s corner but, I wanna hear some Akeem ali, Russ, D4L, Ludacris or something while i’m driving .”

Jay, you don’t wanna know what sound the letter makes 😂?

“Hell no, I’m outta school shit 😂”

Well, It seems like you had just as good of a day as I did.

“I did. I love spending time with my nieces and nephews. I’m their favorite uncle.”

I bet you are. You’re definitely one of my favorite people.

“Awwwww, you mean that?”

Yeah.

“Aight, then sit on my face when I get to Augusta.”

JEHRAYE

“ALANI”

GUIDRY

“Quit calling me by my government like that.”

Well what do you want me to call you ?

“Jumbo dick Jay”

OMG you-

“I’m bullshiting. It ain’t that big. It’s just right for the body it's attached to.”

I bet. When are you gonna book your flight?

“Next week.”

Good, that way I can set my schedule up right. How long do you plan on staying?

“Two days.”

Okay.

“Yeah, clear that schedule.”

I will.

After that she had to go back and attend to her client. I went to hang out with Kieran and Asa. Asa, my best friend since middle school and the one who leaves me stranded on these road trips is a High School AP Calculus teacher. Kieran, my best friend since junior year of college and now roommate, is an HR consultant. Asa has always wanted to be a teacher. Despite the pay and us trying to convince him to at least go into the college sector, loves what he does. He had a hard time with math when we were little and it frustrated him so, he decided he was gonna do what he had to. He wanted math to come almost as easy to him as English and history did, and he made it happen. This nigga is one of the smartest people I know and he deserves every praise he gets. He’s worked hard for it. Kieran on the other hand, Is married; well was married to Toni and they have a 4 year old son together. My Godson Kieran Jamez “KJ” Landry Jr. He always had a thing for Toni so, when they started dating, she became his girlfriend and I became both of their friends and the third wheel. And despite going through a divorce; which I think is stupid because they clearly still love and want each other; these motherfuckas are hard headed and are hurting because they tryna teach eachother lessons. But I can’t force them together. Me and the guys hang out for a few hours and then we head to our respective homes. I get in, Call Alani, we talk for awhile and I go to sleep.

PT 1

#love #romance #fluff #smut #black woman #black couple #black man #black women #black men #black tumblr #black beauty #black ff #black woman appreciation #black writers #plus size reader #x chubby reader

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harmoniousworld · 2 years ago

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I wanted to document this here if that's allowed. I have a comorbid situation along with EDS. I went to the ER today. Idk if I'm having a side effect from a new medicine or not. While at the ER, at about 4:00 a.m., I took "magic mouthwash" along with Amoxicillin, given by the ER doctor. I have taken the Amox. in the past and tolerated it rather well.

The side effects I felt of the mouthwash only lasted for 30 minutes. My throat got tight, but it was nothing major... nothing overly alarming.

Then I got home at about 5 or 6 a.m. and fell asleep by about 7:10 a.m. I slept for only 45 minutes before a new, unusual, alarming "ailment" woke me up. **Note: I may have had a similar event during 20 min of sleep before even heading to the ER, but I was not fully aware of what happened during my sleep that triggered the medical attack.

So, as for the medical event at 7:10 a.m., I really don't know if this was the same event as which I experienced before or if it was new and possibly from the medicine. Maybe the Amoxicillin was too strong of a dose for my body size.

This new symptom is extremely scary, and I'm not sure how to describe it fully, but I'll do my best:

I woke up with intense head pressure, but not my usual migraine or pressure that I have everyday. This was on top of it. And during this episode, I felt intense seizurish activity, but no seizure that was visible or even felt. No shaking. No staring type of seizure either. Electrical feeling. During this episode, I felt like my brain was very confused and disoriented (way worse than when you typically awaken). I felt like I was about to have a seizure, but I didn't. (I do get seizures regularly and oftentimes will get the warning.) But this was so different. It really didn't feel like a type of seizure. Anyway, it also felt like I was actively dying.... not to be confused with being afraid of dying. I was not panicked or afraid. It happened out of nowhere. I felt my brain like scrambling the electrical wires and trying to connect while the intense head pressure let up. The episode mostly resolved, until I went back to sleep for 1 second and it happened again. I woke up, took 20 seconds to recover, and went back to asleep... only to repeat again. I do have central sleep apnea, by the way. I feel like this is a mixture of some existing ailments, combined with a bad reaction to one of the medicines. I am now avoiding sleep because when I fall asleep I literally feel myself start to enter this most horrifying (for me) symptom.

I also need to mention I have an infection in a gland with tons of swelling (when I eat) that has spread to my head, ears, & neck.

Despite the infection, I don't currently feel feverish, weak, or the way one usually feels with an infection. (I did feel weak and feverish yesterday, though.) I only feel intense pain near the areas of the infection. I also do have a migraine with ear and eye pressure and hundreds of other symptoms that aren't new for me.

I feel the doctor was very negligent because he addressed no side effects of the medication, and he told me there were no further tests for my gland, which was a lie. He was confident that I had a tumor or stone— something blocking my salivary gland. He also kept walking away every time I tried to ask a question. I think he probably just had a lot of patients to tend to and maybe they were understaffed. I just felt like I was kind of left in the dark with all of these questions, and he felt really annoyed with me having to answer any of them let alone the 20 questions I had. They were actually relatively short questions. He cut me off when I 1st arrived as well and I never got to give him the full story. I spoke for 3 minutes straight and I was not allowed to really give the story.

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nardonotes · 4 months ago

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24 sep '24

8:52pm

hello my mankeys... (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) i am so tired and my body is sore..... i didn't make an entry yesterday but i literally can't even rmbr what happened.. "( – ⌓ – ) like did i write one yesterday or no? me forgot huhuhu.. what did i even do yesterday bruh,, i can't rmbr. i got a bad case of ifuckingforgotinitis *facepalm* OH I RMBR! LOL i was 1. late for class and 2. had a 3hr long break in between and took a nap at home AND KNOCKED OUT!!!! I WOKE UP EXACTLY ON TIME FOR CLASS. it was like my body said BITCH WAKE UP U GOT CLASS......!! and then i RAN TO CLASS (which was literally pointless because i had done everything for that class on the weekend so i just sat there helping everyone. they need to pay me)

BUT ANYWAYS, enough of yesterday- let's talk about today! lord did i have fucking day!! (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝) first of all, LATE FOR CLASS AGAIN. and i remember waking up like 20 minutes before class and emailing my prof like "i will be late" literally lied out of my fucking ass... hehe. and then i went back to sleep for a little bit then BOOM. it's been two hours and class is almost over -_-/ u know what? idgaf. i really don't gaf, it's not a national holiday. ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ) it's fine cause im not super behind in that class anyways. but yeah,, and then right after class- i took a train to the nearest city (45 mins train ride) to meet my friend, yall know the friend i talked about a few entries ago, TO TALK ABOUT TEA!!!! but then they invited like three of their friends.... awko taco moment. but it's ok cause they're cool and we still got to talk about the situation that occurred. i would've still wanted to just talk to them though. also i was supposed to stay till 6pm but they were talking about unrelated things for so long,, and i was so tired my head hurt- so i left 2 hrs early!!

( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)

anyways, the second i got home i literally took a shower and did some work because FUCK!!!!!!! I AM SO FUCKING DRAINED AND MY BODY ALWAYS HURTS NOW AND I BEEN HAVING STOMACH ISSUES LIKE I WANNA SHIT ALL THE TIME BUT I HAVE NO APPETITE WHO VOODOOED ME??? the voodoo in question being my body not used to going out 5-6 days a week in a row. ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

ok last thing before i end this, i redownloaded instagram for chismosa purposes (i have insane chismosa virus) and had to get in the gc.. but while i was in the dms i noticed this girl i had been talking to for literally like i think months ( i aired her when i started college sorry!) (ó﹏ò｡) had dmd me asking how i been 3 days ago. and i feel bad cause it's like damn... u want me this bad or u just bored? like should i just give her my number and start texting her again? BUT THEN IT WOULD BE A SITUATIONSHIP AND LIKE I LOWKEY DONT WANT THAT.... but she is pretty. also far away still (everyone is far from me) but she's also giving yellow fever oo- anyways,, the attention is nice. idk what to do. ૮ – ﻌ–ა

ANYWAYS I YAPPED TOO MUCH AGAIN! idgaf. goodnight to pretty girls only and me <33

song of the day; Nothing Else Matters by Little Mix !! ♪♫~

#nardo24 #nardo sep '24

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jodilin65 · 33 years ago

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TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1992 Only 9 more days till I move and have a phone! I’m really psyched. I wish I could move right now.

I never bothered to set my alarm. I woke up at 10:30 but didn’t get out of bed till 11:30.

Tonight, I’m gonna watch the two-hour premiere of Reasonable Doubts.

Right now I’ll go see if Andy’s home. I know he said he’s got lots to do. Next weekend, or this coming weekend I should say, his sister Marla and his nephew Brian are coming for a couple of days from San Francisco.

I went to the pool a few times and chatted with an elderly couple, Nancy and Steve whom I met a few months ago. Well, they’re sort of elderly. Maybe in their 50s, but very nice.

Tara was there briefly with her friend Teresa who lives here, but will soon be moving out. Tara said Teresa’s brother knows gay women and Tara’s gonna ask her about them.

Oh, yeah sure. Like this is gonna lead me to such wonderful lust. The game of seek, chase, guess, wonder and playing detective sure is fun, though.

Tina, Lena’s roommate came over to check the studio apartment I have out in case she gets one for herself. She’s in a 1-bed now. I was on my patio as she was walking by and she asked to check it out. She did, liked it, and said she’d have to visit sometime. She knows I’m gay too, and I think she may be seeing Ed, but I don’t know for sure. She said she lived with a guy here and when they broke up, he moved out and she moved in with Lena.

Later…

Andy and I took some pictures of the pool and the grounds. Cuz he has to finish the roll by Friday I asked Mom to send another one since I won’t be moved till Oct. 9th. After I move, I’ll get my place all fixed up just like it is on the first floor and take some pictures.

I saw the perfect ad in the laundry room. It said: Female cat, spayed, declawed, litter box trained, free to good home.

When I called, I found out it was taken last Sunday. It figures. Just my luck that if it sounds too good to be true, it’s taken and out of the question. I’ll send Nervous the picture of the cat that was attached to the ad, anyway.

I put an ad in each laundry room for my answering machine for $45 or best offer. I know I’m gonna like that voice messaging much better. I also won’t hear that obnoxious clicking when I’m sleeping or have to keep taping it into the jack. All I’ll need to do when I’m sleeping is turn the phone ringer off. I never could turn off my answering machine. It would still go off but ring many more times first.

Later…

Last night turned out to be fun. Andy came over at 10:00. We talked here for a while, then decided to go see Ellie. We figured she might not want to see us but she was totally thrilled. We talked seriously as well as about goofy stuff from lyrics and such. She laughed along with it. I ended up getting my pink denim mini-skirt and bringing it over to glue on beads, shells, sequins and colored glue. It was fun and the skirt looks great.

I told her I was transferring and gave her my number. Andy gave her his number and she gave us hers! This is great for when we don’t feel like visiting her and I told her to always call first. Andy said the same rule applies to him. We’re gonna tape her, edit her and cross her.

As we were leaving she became furious, saying I didn’t help her clean up, but I did. Andy said she seemed so cured till we left, but that’s typical Ellie to become furious in the end. If she isn’t freaking out right from the get-go.

I spoke briefly with Mom and Dad yesterday. I also called Tara from Andy’s phone. Just Tara was there and Andy and I sang her funny lyrics.

I’m a little nervous right now as tonight we’re doing karaoke. My voice is in shit shape due to the fact that I’ve hardly sung all that much here. Been busy with other things, but I sang two songs earlier. I don’t want to warm up there and be coughing up phlegm. I must rely solely on my looks and try to look my best as my singing won’t be where it should be and could be. I’ll try my best, but unless they sing worse than Andy, or if they are better and I win, it’ll be mainly cuz of my looks.

Another thing that is a little nerve-wracking, is that this is a straight bar. I’ll no doubt get several hits. If I were straight, alone and looking, the guys wouldn’t bother with me.

I think I’ll go take a walk down to Tara’s place and see if she’d like to go with us, but I’m sure she’ll be busy. Current Location: Arizona

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 1992 I woke up at 11 AM today. Amazingly, I slept through the lawnmowers. I do want to keep on a day schedule till after I move. Due to sleeping till 11:00, I’ll be up till 3 AM. I must set my alarm for 8:00 to get up no matter how hard it’ll be.

I met the girl who’s gonna be next to me. Her name’s Andrea, but people call her Andi.

Later…

I stopped writing at the time as Andy came over. We went to visit a friend of his he used to work with. Her name was Autumn which is pretty.

We also went to Fry’s and I got $35 worth of food.

After I move I want to get a full-length mirror. I’m really looking forward to transferring and having a phone.

As I began to say before, I met my next-door neighbor. She seems nice.

Last Sunday Jeff was at the pool and he was about to use the grill. I asked if I could throw on my pork chop. He not only cooked my pork chop, but he also gave me some shrimp. That was very nice of him, but I also made it clear to him that I can’t constantly hang with people here. I also made it clear that I’m only available as a friend. Well, it’ll be more of an acquaintance. I want to be friendly with him, but not friends.

I opened my windows, but it is still way too hot today. It was 105º and Andy says it will be 108º Wed.

I still haven’t gotten a letter from Kim or anyone else in my family, but I’ve written tons of letters. I got one done for Bob which I haven’t written to him since I first got here. I sent him some hair. I’ve also written to Nervous, Fran, Brenda, Kacey, Jimmy, and Russell S.

I spoke with cousin Boo to thank her for her check and the day I move she’ll be going to Nevada to see her daughter Rhoda. She’ll be gone for 3 weeks. I told her I’ll write to her as soon as she returns. She says she’ll write too.

I have to take my meds soon, and in half an hour I’ll watch Hunter.

Not much else has been going on. Ed and Pat have been really nice and they never mentioned the night I called the cops on Ed. I think Ed is dating this girl Tina who lives here. She lives with this girl Lena. They (Lena and Tina) know I’m gay and know lots of people. Lena’s best friend is gay and I think I’ve seen her. A major butch. I don’t believe they know of any other gay women as feminine as I am, but what else is new?

I’ve chatted a few times with Rachel who lives diagonally below Andy at the front of the building (I’ll be in the back) and she really is very sweet. She gave me some boxes she used to move in with. I gave her some stuff I didn’t want.

This guy Randy whom I met when I first moved in, fixed my typewriter. It’s still not perfect and I sure miss Tammy’s typewriter, but now the keys don’t stick so much.

He’s very nice and I can see any girl who was looking for a serious relationship selecting him as the least likely to become a jerk.

This other guy Mike, who lives here, seems OK. We’ve chatted a few times too, but with his now knowing I don’t get involved, he may come around less often.

I don’t say it in a nasty way, but I get to the point while I sound honest and sincere and not slap it into their faces. That is unless they just don’t get it. I like guys who give up, rather than get more persistent, pushy and determined. I know there are so many women who’d die to get hit on as much as I do. Yet, it seems I always have to keep batting them away. Well, life’s not at all fair. You get what you don’t want while someone else gets what you do want.

Now I need to stop and take my meds and watch some TV.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 1992 Last night was lots of fun, except for one thing. First I was over visiting with Tara. We played a game of Crazy 8’s, then some keyboards and listened to some tapes. The one of Andy trying to sing Desde la Oscuridad. Also, some calls as well as us talking to Laurie at the crisis center.

After that, I ran into Andy on my way back to my place. We went to McDonald’s. On our way out we ran over a small dog. Where did it come from? We never saw it running toward the car and the poor thing was crying out in so much pain. We took off hoping and praying someone rescues it. Legally there is a leash law. Morally we felt bad. I think I once met the dog’s owners and if I’m correct the dog does live here and is 15 years old.

Time for a swim.

Later…

I was chatting with Sue and Sharon at the pool. Sue’s so cool.

Last night Andy picked up that cream I need and I’ve begun that. I hope this time around it clears it up 100%.

For the last 3 days, I’ve been out by the pool. I’m tan but not as tan as I’d like to be. I also can feel that sun poisoning slightly acting up again. I’m doing it little by little, very carefully. I may simply have to wait until October, November or December. That sounds so funny. Imagine saying in MA. How you’re gonna wait till October, November or December to go tanning!

I went over to Andy’s and called Nervous and Fran. Nervous really didn’t have much to say and was eating prime rib. That was at 1 PM his time.

I spoke to Fran at around 4:00 his time and I gave him as well as Nervous my phone number. I also told them about the transfer.

I wish I could move now. Robert’s been quiet since I blasted him out, but I’m still looking forward to being able to sleep with my windows open, never hearing any footsteps above me, and to getting away from Mark.

Dennis and Brian, these two brothers who live here, are gonna be the ones helping me move. They understand I have no money to pay them. Dennis says you don’t pay your friends, but if I could, I would.

I am here now on my patio as I write this with my Walkman listening to Gloria. At least it’s not too unbearably hot for that, but I’m gonna go for a swim soon.

I spoke to Tammy yesterday and I was laughing as she told me it was in the 60s and very chilly with lots of rain. That’s what Fran says too. It’s funny knowing they’re all bundled up while I’m sweating my ass off and going swimming. When I’m up early in the mornings I have the weirdest sensation. As I look outside I can swear it’s chilly out and it blows my mind when I see I can walk out onto my patio in shorts and a halter top and be perfectly warm. My body is still in Taxachusetts, even though my mind is here. This is the longest summer I’ve ever had. I’m used to being pretty much in long pants and sweatshirts by now.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1992 For starters, I went out last night and it was horribly boring. There were a few feminine ones there, all taken, naturally. I’m too old to be playing this game and I told Andy that if he’s gonna go out he’s gonna have to go alone or with someone else. The scene just isn’t for me and neither are butches. Everyone says to think positive and a feminine one will come to you. Yeah, right. They also say when you’re expecting nothing to happen, you’ll get what you want. Sure. If that were true I’d have been getting hit on left and right for the last two years. It’s truly impossible and not meant to be but at least I didn’t get hit on by a butch or a man. I asked God that if He were never planning on sending me what I want, please have men hit on me less often. A lot less often. I just wish I could settle for a butch and get turned on by people I’m not attracted to. I beg for Him to help me find the way to settle. Not for a man cuz they’re so hard to deal with, become too pushy, and give me a higher chance of diseases and of course pregnancy. I just want to someday be able to settle for a butch even if it takes time.

I called SRP to transfer my electricity and then the refill number on that cream Andy’s gonna pick up after work. I hope he remembers. He’s always remembered before. I do his laundry for all these little favors.

I also called US West and got a phone! It’s an ugly number but at least it’s a phone. I gave Tammy the number and swore her to secrecy.

My letter of credit from CT is no good cuz it was only for 4 months, but I’m glad as I know my weaknesses. I’d get carried away with the long distance and there’s no way I could afford an additional $170. It’s already gonna be around $100 to get started, but thanks to Cousin Boo, I can handle that. My monthly charge after that will be around $30. The guy I spoke to did say I’d be able to make collect calls. We’ll see. I’ll have 3-way calling, but no call-waiting or call-forwarding. I’m also getting that voice messaging service. I like it so much better and my answering machine is partially broken. When I moved from Deerfield I accidentally yanked the cord out and a part of the module clip that goes into the phone jack snapped off. So, this way I don’t have to keep taping it in, nor do I have to deal with that obnoxious clicking when someone calls while I’m asleep.

Later…

I’m gonna watch Matlock soon and Tara says she’s gonna come over. That’s what she says, but we’ll see as she’s said that before. I wanna show her my new dress from mom and dad. I saw her, Tonya and Sue at the pool. Pat, Ed’s roommate, was there also. I figured he’d be evasive due to my little run-in with Ed, but he was very nice.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1992 I thought I was moving on the 2nd, but I guess it’s the 9th now. Gordy’s gonna need a week to paint and fix anything that may need to be fixed.

When I used that cream downstairs I used 1 tube. I had 1 refill and after using 1 tube it got much better. However, I still have some discharges and bloating. I called the office and spoke to one of his nurses who said I should use the second tube. Why didn’t the doctor tell me this in the first place?

Later…

I got the check from Cousin Boo. I thought it’d be $50, but it was $125! That was so nice of her and I’m very grateful. I intend to write her a thank-you note.

After I move I’m definitely gonna have a phone. I’m doing pretty good financially for a change.

Tuesday morning I’d had it with Robert. At 4 AM when he went to leave for work he stomped and woke me up. That was the final straw and I opened my door as he came down the stairs and I screamed, “Thanks a fucking lot! You have no fucking common courtesy waking people up at 4:00 in the goddamn morning!” I spoke to Paula yesterday about his stomping since talking to him myself didn’t work.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1992 I got up at midnight and I would’ve had my schedule changed two weeks ago if it weren’t for the fuckface upstairs. He’s really pissing me off more and more and I’m sure the issue once again comes down to sex. I’ve had a few nice talks with Robert but he walks like an elephant, and after living in Norwich, I cannot deal with anyone living above me. That’s one reason I wanted the second floor. The other is that you have a zillion times more privacy. Now that it’s cooled off a bit I want to sleep with my windows open at night and shut the AC off and conserve. I always envied Andy who’s about to do that and have privacy with no people walking right by your windows.

The last reason is cuz I’m sick of Mark next door. I went off on him last week and gave him every piece of my mind. His attitude sucks and he hates everyone so you can only imagine how much he hates himself.

I moved in here too fast cuz I wanted to hurry up and get into my own place and Andy and I thought studios rarely were vacant.

So now here’s the good news and the solution to the problem. I called cousin Boo and explained the situation to her telling her I’d never ask for money ordinarily and to please keep it our secret (though I doubt she will). Mom and Dad have helped enough and they send $50 monthly. She said she knew the move was rough, would be delighted to help, it was our secret and my b-day gift. The check should soon be here and I am ever so grateful for her help.

I went to the office and spoke to Judy, and I’m moving to Building 1 directly behind Andy! It’s apartment #247, and Oct. 2nd is when the move will take place. I’ve spoken to Tony, that really nice black guy, as well as the guy who’s gonna be below me in 147 and they will hopefully help with the move.

I told Judy not to mention the $95 transfer fee to my parents. I also called them and I told them I was in the office and overheard a woman say she wants the first floor and offered to swap with her.

Kara was over last week too, and her brother told me he’d help me move for free. However, Kara says he’s in Michigan where they’re from.

Fay’s moving into a trailer, and her brother, who also lives here and is helping her. Maybe he can help me as well. There’s not too much heavy stuff but there will be 10,000 trips. With asthma, it would be cool to get all the help I can. Only those willing to help as a favor cuz I have no money to pay them. Except for the bed, table and microwave I can pretty much handle it all on my own. I’ll load stuff in boxes, empty them there and go back and forth loading and unloading boxes. It’d be great to get a shopping cart.

Later…

I’ve written to family and friends and I’ve got to get more stamps. I got a package from my parents. Dad claims that all they have left is my old guitar but where are the rest of my pictures? They sent my typewriter, twin sheets, a twin blanket, my papers (legal papers), my albums, my tools and two awesome outfits. I was shocked and couldn’t believe they sent me something so stylish and non-baggy. I got a beautiful, tight, short black dress with silver studs around the neck and colored glass beads on the upper front part of it. Also, a tie-dye pair of pants with matching tops and they all fit perfectly. I do have to keep pulling up the pants but at least they’re not baggy. They’re all sizes small and my stomach is flatter since I used that cream down below. The infection had been bloating me out.

I got a short quick letter from Tammy as I wrote before along with $50 since she sold my couch.

Andy gave me 22 blank tapes he no longer wants. Now I have about 78 blanks!

I went grocery shopping the other day. A guy who lives in building 2 took me, saying anytime I need a ride and see his truck there to let him know.

I always thought male neighbors were better as they tend to complain less about loud music, but luckily I’ll have two female neighbors and a male below me. There are 4 apartments on each side and on Andy’s side there are two other gay men. Andy asked, “Is building 1 the gay building, or what?” There’ll be a woman next to me and another under her. Under me, there’ll be a guy named Jeff. I spoke to him at the pool and he said if he’s home he’ll help me move stuff. He said he has no problem with my music and I hope whoever she is next to me doesn’t mind. I told Jeff I appreciate the help but cannot talk to my neighbors. He asked if it was due to a boyfriend and I said no I’m not into that and he said we’ll talk sometime. I’m just gonna level with him and tell him I’m not available to him for sex and I choose not to know my neighbors as I want no problems. He does seem like a fairly decent guy, though. Then again, don’t they always?

I can’t wait to move.

Two nights ago, believe it or not, Andy wanted to go to the bar. I thought he felt like I do. I thought he was sick of the games. I know in my mind I can’t get what I want and in this day and age I’ve come to accept it and I’ve stopped fighting a losing battle. I go in there and either get what I don’t want or nowhere. The few that were fairly attractive could’ve cared less about me and the few I exchange numbers with never call. If I call them (if they’ve given me the correct number) they act like they don’t know me and brush me off. You get tired of the same old pattern. He was also upset cuz I’ve been asleep when he’s up. I thought he wouldn’t mind as he chewed me out for coming over every day when I first came here. It just so happens that when he’s free, I’m asleep. When I’m up, he’s asleep. I wish he were still a night person and he did say he was getting sick of getting up so early. I knew he’d miss being a night person.

He said he may want to go to the bars tomorrow night or the next night, and I’ll be asleep. Coincidence? Nope. God’s trying to reinforce the fact that it isn’t meant to be. I could hang out in gay bars every single night and it wouldn’t get me anywhere.

Next, I’ll write about Ray and this girl Melissa I met at the pool. Now I’m gonna make a bagel.

Later…

Well, Robert stomped and slammed his way off to school. Payback is gonna be a real bitch but not till I move so he can’t retaliate. All he could do is come to my door or tell me to knock it off if I see him at the pool. I doubt he’d come to my door and he’d never call the cops any more than I knew Mark would when he received that very threatening and sexual letter. It scared him, though. He told me if I saw the guy to call the cops and that he’s gonna get a gun. I don’t know if he really got a gun or not.

I hope I have a peephole in my door cuz I ain’t answering my door without knowing who it is first.

When I made some pranks on Robert while Andy was back east, he laughed about it at the pool. The things I’ll say over the phone won’t be threatening, but they’ll be very blunt, sarcastic and very weird. Perhaps sexual too, as I know he’d love that. He’s lucky cousin Boo’s helping me with the transfer fee as I’d surely have to round up a few people to set him straight if I had to stay here. Why do I always keep ending up in the same situation? I just moved from this even though his noise isn’t an eighth of what I put up with in Norwich. It isn’t so much the stuff he does, it’s his fucking stomping. He doesn’t know how to walk and he has no common courtesy. I also plan on visiting him at 1:00-2:00 in the morning when I know he’s asleep. I wish I had that long crank I had to open my skylights with in Deadfield.

I hope I hear from Kim soon so I can mail her tapes out to her. She said she’d send lots of stamps. I also want to try and see if she’ll help with the phone installation. Connecticut’s sending a letter of good credit but I don’t know if it’ll be accepted since I was only there for 4 months. I’d just as well find a way to pay for the installation so I can avoid the same hassle and waiting game I went through with the food stamps. If they don’t waive the $170 deposit, fine. In case of an emergency, I don’t like not having a phone. I can also leave messages for Andy while he’s asleep or at work, rather than leave him notes.

I wrote about a letter I wrote to Debbie a month or so ago. Non-threatening and non-sexual. It’s my constitutional right which they can’t prove. I also was told to deny anything, especially shit they can’t prove without a lawyer. Several lawyers have told me this.

Ray called to tell me he was denying my case. Over that? The whole situation is so stupid and my dad told me not to worry.

Oh, I’m not, believe me.

I laid out by the pool yesterday and got a little color back. I’m gonna lie out today, too.

Maybe I’ll see Melissa who’s so nice and pretty. I’ll write about her later.

Later…

Melissa’s a really nice girl I met with a body that makes mine look sick. She’s 5’ 4” with medium-length, thin, straight blond hair and a perfect figure. Her face is slightly plain but more pretty than plain. She has nice eyes and a pretty smile.

When I told her I was gay she said she admired my openness and knew many gay people including her boyfriend’s brother. She also wonders if her female roommate has tendencies.

She also told me, even though she’s addicted to her boyfriend, she thought I was very attractive. She showed me a book she was reading called addictive relationships. She says she’s too clingy, dependent and jealous when it comes to her boyfriend. It amazes me that they’ve been together for over a year.

I told her I was always alone cuz I’m not attracted to gay women and they’re not attracted to me.

We talked about lots of things and she said she gets badgered by guys and that women avoid her. Then, as I was about to tell her how well I can relate to that, she said she can see me getting the same thing.

I know I’ll never get her, but I’m used to wanting the ones I can’t have and she’s good as a friend at least. I hope.

Later I’ll write the good news I have about SS. Isn’t it shocking and amazing to actually have any good news about them? For now, I’m gonna lay down and veg out and enjoy Robert’s absence. Believe it or not, this guy’s home more than I was back east. He hasn’t worked since I have been here and he’s only out at school from 7 AM - 10:30 AM. I wish he were never home and always away traveling.

Later…

I called SS last Fri. to find out how much they plan to take from my check. She said they usually take 10%. I asked how much of a cut that’d be from $426. She said about $42. I said that’s crazy and she said she’d call to tell them to take only $5 a month. She asked me if I got SSI and I said I thought I didn’t qualify for that here in Arizona. She made the call and said I do get SSI, but haven’t gotten it cuz that’s how they’re collecting the bullshit overpayment. In 10 months I should have my SSI check back and she says they’re not gonna touch my SS check. Well, I sure hope she’s right cuz so many times one person will say one thing while another will say something totally different.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 1992 Several things have happened since I last wrote. Let me begin with Tara. She showed me tons of drawings she did which make mine look like I scribbled. She’s had lots of lessons and of course, I haven’t had any. She sat down with me and gave me 10 minutes of tips and pointers, and oh my God! I don’t know who was more shocked. She or me. I’ve drawn about 8 pictures since and they’re tremendously better.

Last Friday night she was supposed to come over at 2 AM after going out. Around 12:30 that evening, I heard a knock on my door and I thought it was her. When I opened the door it was Ed who I met at the pool. We’d always had some good talks at the pool and he said he knew this girl who was gay. He and his roommate seemed nice and open-minded and he said this girl looked like a centerfold. I doubt that if she’s gay. I never met her cuz he didn’t know her well or see her often. Anyway, he was at my door with a beer, obviously smashed, saying he was just wandering. Yeah, right.

I went to Andy’s phone and called 911. He just had to “wander” to my door, then on my patio. He never said or did anything about sex, but I wasn’t born yesterday. One thing would’ve led to another. Especially with a guy with a beer in his hand at that hour. Plus, I’m gay so that would make it all the more exciting for him, wouldn’t it? They’re God’s gift to women, as far as they’re concerned, and they love the resistance and challenge of “conquering” a gay woman.

When the cops arrived, he was gone. The cops and I went to his door. I told him I’ll be friendly and say hi to him at the pool, but if he comes to my door, there’s gonna be trouble. I was so caught off guard that it freaked me out. If he came around again I’d be ripped and there’s no telling what I may do to him. Let’s just say I’d take the so-called “thrill of conversion” right outa him.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 1992 I’ve been a bit lazy again as far as doing everything I need to do. I figured that since I can’t sleep, now’s as good a time as any to write.

Andy and I went to see the Twin Peaks movie.

I need to finish a letter to my parents and also write to Tammy. I have tons of editing to do still, but I have done some. Kim shocked me by sending 28 blank tapes! When I called to thank her she told me she’d send a letter along with some stamps. I’ve made her 5 tapes of convos and edits. I’m listening to a funny-as-all-hell tape of Andy. The other night he was over here listening to my latest edition of edits. We were also writing to Nervous and Fran using all those cards my parents sent. We were cracking up over what I enclosed in Fran’s envelope as well as Nervous’ - dead crickets.

I got some really cool and awesome new stationery of neon cats for a buck at Walgreens.

As I was addressing tons of envelopes and enclosing geometrical colorings I did, I came up with a great idea. I had Andy put the headphones on while I played Desde la Oscuridad. I told him to read the lyrics and sing what he thought the words were. It was so hysterically funny! It sounded like a Jewish cantor singing. We were dying of laughter.

Then, we went and teased Ellie. Man is that woman fucked up! I’ve only seen her that one time since she came over here and I shut her out. That woman is as crazy and as delusional as you can get, but funny if you only see her once a month to rank on her. At the same time we understand she can’t help being crazy, she’s so funny and perfect to have a field day with.

I’ll write more about Ellie, Tara and Tonya some other time. Other than that, not much else has happened. I had a flood in my bathroom, Fay’s moving, I’m horny and that’s it. The only major thing to write about is Tara. The rest is all little odds and ends.

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