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notapersob · 9 months ago

Text

I wrote an essay on this topic, which is what the comic is based off of. If you care to read it it's beneath the cut , as well as my works Cited, and alt text.

This was a college English assignment, first the essay then the multimodal project. I wanted to share it with the internet people on my phone because this is something that is important to me. (i added it up and i spent roughly 40+ hours on this comic in two weeks, guys, the carpal tunnel is coming for me...)

i would also like to give a huge thanks to some of my best friends for helping me, @ellalily my wonderful talented friend who i love so much and adore their work. (i love her art so much). I know you'll see this, love you king <22223333.

and my partner, @totallynotagremlin . amazing artist and the person i admire every day. thankyou for helping me with this and listening to me rant about this project. i love you so much *kisses you on the forehead.

If anyone reads this, please go check out their art.

THE ESSAY

If you're not paying attention you could mistake AI art for art made by real artists. Many people use AI without much knowledge about it, thinking it's something harmless and fun. However, AI art has a real impact on the art community. AI art is largely harmful to the art community because it negatively impacts artists by stealing and plagiarizing their work.

Knowing how AI generators create art provides important context in understanding the negative impacts of AI-generated art and why it is bad. In an article by The Guardian, Clark L. explains, “The AI has been trained on billions of images, some of which are copyrighted works by living artists, it can generally create a pretty faithful approximation”. On its own, this doesn't sound that bad, and many fail to see the issue with this. However, the corporations training these AI art generators use artists' work without their knowledge or consent. Stable diffusion, an online AI art generator, has provided artists the option to opt out of future iterations of the technology training. However, the damage has already been done. AI is ‘trained’ by being fed images. It analyzes them. It works by being given large amounts of data and input codes. In an article by The Guardian, written by Clark L, there is a quote from Karla Ortiz, an illustrator, and board member of CAA, concerning this issue. She says, “It’s like someone who already robbed you saying, ‘Do you want to opt out of me robbing you?”.

Another article by Yale Daily News has several categories, the first being, “How does AI generate art”. As the heading explains, the first section of the article explains how AI text-to-image generators like DALL-E2 and Midjourney create images by “analyzing data sets containing thousands to millions of images” (Yup K.). In the same article, they cite an artist, Ron Cheng, a Yale Visual Arts Collective board member who is against AI because AI fails to obtain consent from artists before stealing their art. Cheng says “There are enough artists out there where there shouldn't really be a need to make AI to do that.” (Yup K.). The article says Cheng views AI as a tool but not at the cost of the people who spent their lives developing artistic skills.

Many artists feel that they should be compensated or that this should fall under copyright laws but because proving this machine-made art has taken elements of their style is so difficult, the AI companies get off with no consequences. For an artist to take action against an AI image generator, they would have to prove that one of their art pieces had been copied into the system which can be difficult. They would have to prove specific elements of their personal art style have been directly copied and prove that their art has been used and imitated without their consent. Many artists feel that this technology will take their jobs and opportunities in the creative field of work. Kim Leutwyler, a six-time Archibald Prize finalist artist, expressed her issues with AI companies stealing her art in an ABC news article. Leutwyler said that they had found almost every portrait they created, included in a database used to train AI without their knowledge or consent. They said it “feels like a violation” (Williams T.).

With AI art relying on, often, stolen artwork, and creating an interpretation of what it sees, it blurs the line between what is copyright infringement and what is not. In a BBC article by Chris Vallance, Professor Lionel Bently, director of the Centre for Intellectual Property and Information Law at Cambridge University said that in the UK, “it's not an infringement of copyright in general to use the style of somebody else” (Vallance). Another point to keep in mind is that not many artists have the means to fight these legal battles for their art even if they wanted to. This same BBC article speaks about the Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS), an organization that collects payments on behalf of artists for the use of their images. One quote helps illustrate their point, “I asked DACS’ head of policy Reema Aelhi if artists’ livelihoods are at stake. “Absolutely yes,” she says” (Vallance).

Another concern about AI mentioned in this article is deep fakes, porn, and bias. “Google warned that the data set of scraped images used to train AI systems often includes pornography, reflected social stereotypes, and contained “derogatory, or otherwise harmful associations to marginalize identity groups.” (Vallance). These are all important things to consider when using AI because an AI system can harmfully replicate biases and negative stereotypes because of what it learned. For example, if you input the prompt criminal, it is more likely for the image to be of a person of color. On the other hand, if you input the prompt, CEO, it is strongly probable that an image of an old white man in a suit will show up, not a woman, or a person of color. These stereotypes go much further and much deeper than just these two examples, but the AI recreates what it was taught and can follow patterns that are harmful to minorities.

Another concern many artists have is about their jobs and livelihoods. With how AI art has progressed in the past few years, it is starting to take opportunities from real artists. “It’s been just a month. What about in a year? I probably won’t be able to find my work out there because [the internet] will be flooded with AI art,” Rutkowski told MIT Technology Review (Clarke L.). Many of the articles I researched mentioned the Colorado State Art Fair, where an AI-generated image won first place. The BBC article written by Vallance talks about how a man (Allan) entered an AI-generated image mid-journey and won. Many artists were outraged by this and suddenly aware of how AI could take opportunities like these from them. The artists who entered this competition spent hours and hours on their pieces. As you can imagine they were angry, rightfully so, that an AI-generated piece that took no more than a few seconds won. There is a level of unfairness to this and many artists feel that AI should not be allowed in art competitions like this. It feels like they got cheated out of something they worked hard for. Nobody would let a robot compete in the Olympics or a cooking competition, so why should a machine be allowed to enter an art fair? AI could start taking jobs from artists working on animated projects, or taking commissions.

With AI’s ability to imitate a certain artist's style, some people may feel that they no longer have to pay an artist for work when they could just input a few words into a machine and get something done in seconds. There were artist and writer strikes in Hollywood, in part because of this. These creative people wanted to be paid fairly and have better working conditions, as well as a promise that not all of them would be replaced with AI. When SORA AI came out, I saw many artists online who aspired to have jobs in the animation industry, losing hope and motivation. A soulless and emotionless machine can rip away a lifelong hobby and passion.

Many artists were upset but Allen, the winner of the Colorado State Art Fair, stood by his point and said, “It's over. AI won. Humans lost” (Clark L.). The article quoted a game and concept artist, RJ Palmer's tweet, “This thing wants our job, it's actively anti-artist”. The article speaks of how artists often take inspiration from other artists, “great artists steal”, but Mr. Palmer said, “This (AI) is directly stealing their essence in a way”. In an article by The Guardian, Clarke L. writes about how AI art has raised debates on just how much AI can be credited with creativity. Human art has thoughts, memories, and feelings put behind it and takes a lot of skill, whereas, on the opposite end, AI art can't handle concepts like that. AI does not experience life like real people do. It does not have feelings or emotions and it can only think with the knowledge we give it. Since it cannot have these emotions, the art it creates will never have the emotions that art made by real artists has.

Cansu Canca, a research associate professor at Northeastern University and founder and director of the AI Ethics Lab said, “It is important to be mindful about the implications of automation and what it means for humans who might be ‘replaced’” (Mello-Klein, C.). She went on to say that we shouldn't be fearful but instead ask what we want from machines and how we can best use them to benefit people. The article says “With the push of a button, he was able to create a piece of art that would have taken hours to create by hand” (Mello-Klein, C.). Some artists said, “We’re watching the death of artistry unfold right before our eyes” (Mello-Klein, C.). In an article by the New Yorker, Chayka, K., started by giving three reasons why artists feel wronged by AI image generators that are trained using their artwork. The “three C’s”, they didn't consent, they were not compensated and their influence was not credited. The article states how it is hard for copyright claims based on style to get picked up because in visual art “courts have sometimes ruled in favor of the copier rather than the copied” (Chayka, K.). This applies to music as well, where some songs can sound similar but nothing will be done about it because they are different enough, or the source material was changed enough not to be seen as a complete copy. The article said, “In some sense. You could say that artists are losing their monopoly on being artists” (Chayka, K.). Some people are even hiring AI to make book covers instead of hiring artists.

While I am personally against the use of AI art as well as many of my artist friends, all people have their own opinions about the technology. The article by the New Yorker, written by Chayka, K, quotes Kelly Mckernan, who said they watch Reddit and Discord chats about AI. This provides opinions on some everyday people who aren't in the art field. on the situation and said, “They have this belief that career artists, people who have dedicated their whole lives to their work, are gatekeeping, keeping them from making the art they want to make. They think we’re elitist and keeping our secrets.” (Chayka, K.). I remember an acquaintance of mine said that he used AI art because he could not afford to commission an artist. Not everyone can afford to commission an artist and pay them fairly for their time. However, this does not mean artists should settle for less than their work is worth. Art takes time and that is time the artist could be doing something else.

Northeastern Global contacted Derek Curry, an associate professor of art and design at Northeastern, who gave his thoughts on the subject and he does not believe AI art will ever replace humans because technology has limits. “The cycle of fear and acceptance has occurred with every new technology since the dawn of the industrial age, and there are always casualties that come with change” (Mello-Klein, C.). The article goes on to say how auto-tune was once controversial but it has become a music industry standard. It's used as a tool, and AI art could be similar. It is true that with new technology, people always fear it before it is accepted. For example, the car. People feared it would take jobs and replace people, and this did happen, but it offered more convenience and opened up more jobs for people than it took. Now cars are used by everyone and it is almost impossible to get around in America without one because it wasn't made for walking, it was built around roads. There are many more examples of people fearing a new technology before accepting it, so this could be the case with AI, but for AI to be used as a tool and aid to artists, greedy corporations have to change the way they think about the technology. They have to see it as, not a replacement, but a tool. Big animation companies want to replace a lot of their human artists, who need their jobs to support themselves and their families, with AI. This prospect is something that is discouraging to artists who want to enter the animation field, which is already competitive.

The Yale Daily News (Yup, K.), cites Brennan Buck, a senior critic at the Yale School of Architecture. He uses AI as a tool to colorize and upscale images. He does not think AI is a real threat to artists. This is a very different take from most artists I’ve heard about and talked to. I can see how this technology can be used as a tool and I think that is one of the only right ways to use AI art. It should be used as a tool, not a replacement. Another way AI art can be used as a tool is to learn how to draw. New artists can study how art is made by looking at colors and anatomy for inspiration, though it should be taken with a grain of salt because AI tends to leave out details, and things merge and some details make no sense. These are all things real artists would notice and not do in their pieces. Young artists could also study the process of real artists they admire. Getting good at art takes years and practice. Seeing all kinds of different art can help with the learning process. On the topic of some people feeling like AI is not a real threat to artists, some people feel that eventually the technology will fade in popularity and will become more of a tool. Only time can tell if AI art will take the jobs of artist.

With everything being said, AI art is actively harming artists and the art community. Even if some artists like Brennan Buck feel that AI isn't a real threat to artists, presently, it is taking opportunities and jobs from artists and it will only get worse as the technology progresses. We need to prioritize real artists instead of a machine, a machine that will never be able to replicate the authenticity of living people's art that reflects their experiences and lives. Some artists use art to express and spread awareness of real-life issues. I have neurodivergent, transgender and queer friends who create art to show what it feels like to experience the world when it seems everyone is against you. I make art to reflect the beautiful things I see and read. I too am queer and fall under the trans umbrella term and I'm autistic, and I use art as a way to express myself through these things that make up my identity.

AI could never put the emotion that real people put into the things they create. Art is a labor of love and pain. Art like Félix González-Torres free candy contemporary art piece cannot ever be replicated by AI and have the same meaning. He “created nineteen candy pieces that were featured in many museums around the world. Many of his works target HIV”(Public Delivery, n.d.). The opinions and views on this, relatively, new technology differ from person to person. Some artists view generative AI art as a tool to utilize in their art while others see it as a threat and something that is taking away from artists. AI art can be used for bad, as it has and will be used to make deep fakes unless limitations are put on it. The AI systems are trained on thousands of images of real people and of art made by artists, all without their consent and most of the time, without their knowledge. On the other hand, some artists use it to aid their process and don't see the issue. Based on what I have learned, I do not think AI art is good, nor should it have a place in the creative job fields. Companies should not copy and steal work from artists. Artists work their whole lives to learn to create, and that should not be replaced by a machine.

ALT TEXT (I didn't know where to put the alt text, sorry, also, this is the first time I've ever done alt text so I'm sorry if its not the greatest, i tried. if you have feedback though, that would be greatly appreciated)

Page 1

“AI art is NOT real art” under a picture of the letters AI, crossed out in red.

“AI text-to-image generators like DALL-E2 and Midjourney create images by, “analyzing data sets containing thousands to millions of images” (Yup K.)”

Beneath the test is a set of polaroid photos strung up, with a black crow sitting on the wire. There is a computer with a few tabs open and two ladybugs near it.

“AI art generators are trained off of artwork used without the artist's consent.”

To the side of the text is a small person holding up something they drew. There are lines leading from their drawing to an ai recreated version of it.

Page 2

There is a picture of Kim Leutwyler

“Feels like a violation”

“I found almost every portrait I've ever created on there as well as artworks by many Archibald finalists and winners”

Kim Leutwyler

(Williams T.)

There is a picture of Tom Christopherson

“I didn't think I would care as much as I did. It was a bit of a rough feeling to know that stuff had been used against my will without even notifying me.”

“It just feels unethical when it's done sneakily behind artists' backs… people are really angry, and fair enough”.

Tom Christopherson

(Williams T.)

There is a drawing of Ellalily drawn by them, with their cat sitting on top of the bubble they're in.

“AI sucks the life out of art… there’s no love, no creativity, no humanity to the finished product. And that's not even scratching the surface of the blatant violations put upon artists whose work has been stolen to fuel this lifeless craft”

EllaLily

(@ellalily on tumbrl)

There is a drawing of Gremlin/Cthulhu 14 with small mushrooms growing off of their bubble

“AI art isn't real art because it just copies from real artists. Art is something that is so very human and it has human emotions in it. A robot can't replicate that emotion and cant give meaning to an art piece”

gremlin/cthulhu14

(@totallynotagremlin on tumbrl)

There is a drawing of myself gesturing towards the text.

“AI art is actively harming the art community by:

Taking jobs

Opportunities

Hope and motivation

From artists.”

Page 3

“Most artists can't do anything against the people feeding their art into these AI systems.”

There are two drawings of myself, sitting down, crisscross, underneath the text with speech bubbles showing that I'm theI'm person talking.

“Many artists don't have the means to fight these legal battles for their art, even if they wanted to.”

“Some dont have the:

Money”

drawing of a dollar and some coins

“Time”

drawing of a clock with the numbers jumbled

“Capability”

drawing of a green frog in a purple witch hat and dress holding up a magic wand with its tongue.

“And even if they did…

Most AI art escapes copyright laws”

Beneath this is an image of Professor Lionel Bently and a small drawing of the university of cambridge.

“Professor Lionel Bently, faculty of law at university of cambridge said (In the UK) “its not an infringement of copyright in general to use the style of someone else””

There is a drawing of the same wizard frog from before. It is laying down.

“so … AI gets away with stealing from artists with no consequences.”

The text is surrounded by a yellow and orange comic emphasis speech bubble

Image of van gogh, starry night, and fake ai recreation.

Image of Zeng Fanzhi art, image of john chamberlain art, “art by artists inspired by Van Gogh

“Artists take inspiration from each other. AI only companies what it sees.”

Page 4

There is a drawing of a green beetle with yellow wings in the top right corner. On the other side of the page, there is an image of Reema Aelhi.

Design and Artist Copyright Society (DACS) is an organization that collects payments on behalf of artists for the use of their images. “I asked DACS’ head of policy Reema Aelhi if artists' livelihoods are at stake, “absolutely yes,” she says”. (Vallance).

There is a brown bat hanging upside down from red swirls on the page.

“Deep fakes and biases

Another problem with generative AI is that often, the data sets used to train it contains, “pornograhy, reflected social stereotypes and contains “derogatory… or harmful associations to marginalized identity groups””. (vallance)”

There is a cartoonish small white and brown cat underneath the text.

“Example, Prompt CEO”, image of a white old man.

“Prompt, criminal”, image of person of color

“These are examples of HARMFUL BIASES”

There is a moth emerging from a green cocoon through three images. The first is an untouched cocoon, the second has a yellow, red, and green moth halfway emerged from the cocoon. The third has the moth fully emerged, resting on the cocoon. There is one last moth flying across the page underneath the text.

“AI art also threatens the jobs and livelihoods of artists.”

There is a drawing of a brown suitcase with stickers on it, and college certificates around it.

“The artist and writer strike in 2023 that lasted 148 days happened in part, due to the fear of being replaced by AI.”

There is a broken yellow, red, and green moth wing at the bottom of the page.

Page 5

“AI also takes opportunities” two green shoes are hanging from a red dot.

“Animated jobs”

Two cartoon birds are on a television screen with a red/pink background.

“commission work”

There are two people, one is a person in a purple shirt who is handing over a drawing to a girl in a blue shirt with ginger hair.

“Book cover art jobs”

There is a fake book with a person on the cover, who has a big orange bird on her arm. There are clouds and three stars in front of her.

“The Colorado State Art Fair was won by an AI image, entered by Jason M. Allen”

Arrow from Jason M. Allens name to quote, “it's over. AI won. Humans lost” - quote from Allen (Clark L.)

“Artists were outraged. You don't let robots compete in sports competitions, why was it allowed in an art competition?”

Tweet from RJ Palmer, @arvalis - august 13, 2022

“This thing wants our jobs. It's actively anti-artist”

“Great artists steal…[but] this (AI) is directly stealing their essence in a way.”

How much can AI be credited with creativity? Human art has emotions /feelings, thoughts/memories, and takes skill and time.

AI art has none of that”

Beneath the text, there is an image of a desert with two clouds, one partially covering the sun. The sky is blue and there are cacti in the background. There is a singular tumbleweed bouncing through the scene.

Page 6

“With a push of a button, he (Allan) was able to create a piece of art that would have taken hours to create by hand… we’re watching the death of artistry unfold right before our eyes.” (Mello- Klein C.)

There is a person in a coffin. There is water in the coffin covering most of them. There are stars over their chest. There are leaves surrounding the coffin.

Page 7

“It is important to be mindful about the implications of automation and what it means for humans who might be replaced”

-Cansu Canca, research associate professional at Northeastern University, founder and director of AI ethics lab. (Mello-Kline, C.)”

There is an image of Cansu Canca. There is also an orange owl in flight.

“Most artists taken advantage of by AI feel wronged in 3 main areas

They didn't consent”

There is tea in a white and blue cup. Steam is coming up from the brown tea.

“They weren’t compensated”

There is a bronze coin. Next to it is a stamp with the words “the three C’s (Chayka, K)”

“Their influence wasn't credited”

There is a blue credit card with waves on it and a silver chip. On the credit card, there are the words “credit card numbers :D”

“Courts have sometimes ruled in favor of the copier rather than the copied”

There is a red fox with a blue butterfly on its nose and a turquoise background.

Page 8

“If AI art should be used at all, it should be used as a tool and not a replacement”

There is a hammer with a red handle and two wrenches, one on either side of it, followed by two files and yellow pencil.

“Brennan Buck, senior critic and Yale School of Architecture uses AI also a tool to colorize and upscale images.”

Next to the text is an image of Brennan Buck.

“New artists can look at art made by artists and AI to learn new techniques. However, learning from real artists is more ethical and effective.”

Beneath and between the text is a drawing of a woman with long flowing ginger hair. Her body is obscured by waves like clouds or mist. Six white wings are coming out of her back. She has several hands surrounding a woman with shorter brown hair.

Page 9

“AI is actively harming artists and the art community. It's presently taking jobs and opportunities. Art is a labor of love and pain. Artists cannot and should not be replaced by machines.”

There is a drawing of myself in a birch wood forest. There are bits of sunlight streaming through the gaps in the leaves. I am painting a picture of the scene I see before me. I am in a green dress with a white off-the-shoulder top and there is a brown easel.

Works Cited

Chayka, K. (2023, February 10). Is A.I. Art Stealing from Artists? The New Yorker. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/infinite-scroll/is-ai-art-stealing-from-artists?irclickid=xyOXQL259xyPRBuWV7XlJViKUkH17cVGIzN7Xs0&irgwc=1&source=affiliate_impactpmx_12f6tote_desktop_FlexOffers.com%2C%20LLC&utm_source=impact-affiliate&utm_medium=29332&utm_campaign=impact&utm_content=Online%20Tracking%20Link&utm_brand=tny. February 28, 2024.

Clarke, L. (2022, November 18). When AI can make art – what does it mean for creativity? The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/nov/12/when-ai-can-make-art-what-does-it-mean-for-creativity-dall-e-midjourney. February 28, 2024.

Mello-Klein, C. (2022, October 12). Artificial intelligence is here in our entertainment. What does that mean for the future of the arts? Northeastern Global News. https://news.northeastern.edu/2022/09/09/art-and-ai/. February 28, 2024.

Public Delivery. (n.d.). Why did Félix González-Torres put free candy in a museum? https://publicdelivery.org/felix-gonzalez-torres-untitled-portrait-of-ross-in-l-a-1991/

Vallance, B.B.C. (2022, September 13). “Art is dead Dude” - the rise of the AI artists stirs debate. BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-62788725. February 28, 2024.

Williams, T. (2023, January 9). Artists angry after discovering artworks used to train AI image generators without their consent. ABC News. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-01-10/artists-protesting-artificial-intelligence-image-generators/101786174. February 28, 2024.

Yup, K. (2023, January 25). What AI art means for society, according to Yale experts - Yale Daily News. Yale Daily News. https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2023/01/23/what-ai-art-means-for-society-according-to-yale-experts/. February 28, 2024.

#art #anti ai #anti ai art #artists #artists on tumblr #comic #digital artwork #digital art

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parcequecestnotreprojeeeet · 2 years ago

Note

Hello! It's Winter! I hope you're doing well. This is a fun, little piece.

Embarrassed

“You’re in a very good mood today, maman,” Laurence says, knowing the reason for her mom’s permanent smile and upbeat attitude.

Emmanuel is due back from his 3-day trip in less than 6 hours. The math has already been calculated. If there are no delays, he’ll be walking through the front door at 8:30 PM. And hopefully not a minute later.

“I’m always in a good mood,” Brigitte points out, trying to cover her giggle.

“I know, but you’re extra giddy this afternoon. There's nothing to be ashamed about. I know how much you’ve missed Manu,” Laurence playfully nudges her mom as the two of them finish setting the dining room table for lunch.

“And based on the number of times your phone has gone off, I would say he misses you too,” she added before pouring the pink lemonade into 12 small cups.

As the family sits down for their meal, the constant beeping from someone’s phone causes everyone to look at each other accusingly.

“Whose phone is that? It’s very annoying,” Sebastien asks, looking at his children to make sure their electronic devices are turned off and away from the table.

After everyone pulls out their phones to prove their innocence, Brigitte blushes, “It must be mine. I left it on the counter.”

“Maman, I’ll grab it for you. We all know Manu is going to call if you don’t respond to his 10 text messages,” Tiphaine laughs while rising from her chair. She quickly dashes off to the kitchen where Brigitte’s phone is still beeping. Again. And Again.

“Could you please tell him we’re eating?” Brigitte shouts from the dining room. “Just explain that it’s you replying and not me,”

“Yeah, sure! What’s your 4-digit passcode?”

“2007.” She blushes, realizing she’ll have to change her passcode now that all her kids and grandkids know it.

“Oh, my God!!! No!!!! NO!!!!” Everyone stops eating when they hear Tiphaine yell from the kitchen, followed closely by a long and stretched-out, “Ewwwwww!”

Brigitte bolts from her chair, “What’s wrong?”

Tiphaine hands the phone over to her mother, speechless and embarrassed at what she just witnessed…read…discovered about her parent’s relationship (and sex life).

“I’m sorry, Tiphaine.” Brigitte apologizes to her daughter as she scrolls through her phone, reading every word her husband sent. She allows Tiphaine to go back into the dining room while she types a quick message to Emmanuel: Our youngest read everything.

“It’s ok, Maman,” she says softly, trying her hardest to forget everything.

“So, how bad was it?” Laurence asks her sister. "Without going into details, please."

“There were no pictures - thank God. But the texts were dirty. I had no idea Manu spoke like that,” Tiphaine shudders at the thought. “He seems so prim and proper.”

“You think you know someone,” Sebastien jokes, listening to his two sisters, secretly relieved that it wasn’t he who saw the messages.

Tiphaine waves her arms in the air, “I am scarred for life.”

Brigitte enters the room, apologizing profusely to her daughter. “I told Emmanuel that you saw the messages and now he’s embarrassed to face you.”

“Well, he should be…”

“Sweetie, you know we love each other, so those messages shouldn’t be a complete surprise,” Brigitte whispers, happy that all the grandchildren are busy eating and not listening to the adults.

“I know you love each other, I just didn’t need all the filthy proof,” Tiphaine blushes, knowing exactly what her stepfather is going to do to her mother tonight. Something about burying his face between her thighs and... No! She can't think about it anymore. “I will say this, he’s a very descriptive writer. He’ll have a successful writing career once his presidency is over.”

“You really think so?” Brigitte grinned, happy at the compliment.

“Definitely… The smut community will love him,”

“Tiphaine!!!!!”

Helloo Winter! ❤️

Manu, the smut writer. He should definitely come to us 😂

The second Brigitte told Tiphaine the code, my mind “🚨”, I could smell something was going to happen hahaha Tiphaine was left traumatized 😅

2007... reference noted 😛

Thank you so much, Winter! ❤️❤️❤️

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sunmarketing · 1 year ago

Text

90 Days Around the World Part 2

Special Edition of Dr. Travelbest Podcast: Part 2

Responses to Your Questions….. About the Around the Globe adventure that I recently took.

7. What did you learn about yourself?

I learned that making decisions is probably the best skill to have when traveling solo. Unless I made a decision, I was not going anywhere. I also learned that I could do a lot more than I had expected of myself.

Resiliency was one of my takeaways from this adventure.

8. Often, when we are courageous, it builds up the muscles and makes you crave to do it repeatedly. Does that ring true for you?

The courageous muscle has been working hard. I read Ryan Berman’s book, Courageous, and that also inspired me to make this journey.

An example of this is that by the end of the trip, I was getting really good at navigating using the many tools on my smart phone. I was excited to use them, instead of dreading it.

9. If you could go back and tell yourself something just before you boarded that first plane, what would it have been?

Great question. Bring an ATM card for just in case! I had plenty of cash, so I thought. It would have been so helpful if I had brought the plastic. I did not use cash much at all after leaving Asia, but it would have been helpful, instead of currency exchanges.

10. Did you have any doubts or fear during the journey?

Yes, especially in India and Italy. In India, I was challenged in ways you would expect. In Italy, I was caught on a public bus without payment, because I downloaded the app, signed up for the service, but I could not activate my payment because of my lack of texting back in the US. I had to pay a steep fine, which I understood was the penalty for not having payment. Due to the language and other barriers, I was disappointed.

11. Best food? Best place you stayed? Best weather?

Food? I’m not a foodie, but I did enjoy the pizza in Florence. Thin crust with just the right ingredients. The butter and creams in Ireland and Scotland were really tasty, too.

Best stay? Cochin, India. The family sent their driver to pick me up at the airport. They had many servants, who were able to help me adjust to the different food tastes. They had separate meals without chilis for me.

Best Weather? Iceland. The rest of the trip was very hot, so the final stop was cool, but not cold. It was pleasant every day, even a bit rainy, which was refreshing.

12. Worst food? Worst place you stayed? Worst weather?

Worst food? Chennai, India. It was like a fire in my mouth, even when I asked for not spicy. The chili’s were too hot. I ate from a jar of peanut butter here for two days.

Worst place I stayed? Manila Hotel, which was really a hostel trying to upgrade. I should have paid more and booked outside of the city. The “kitchen” was a broken tiny refrigerator and sink—nothing more than that, which was dishonest. A repairman walked into my room without knocking. I complained for days and got little response.

Worst weather? Cambodia, because it was just really humid and sticky all the time.

13. Can you tell me any words of inspiration for others thinking about pushing themselves into something courageous?

If you have a goal, break it into pieces so you can take it one step at a time.

Reward yourself for mini-milestones. I had a few massages on my trip, not only for the physical therapy but also as a mental reward for staying the course. They were really cheap in Asia, but not so much after that.

Thank you for listening to this. Please follow and share comments. What questions did I not answer? I may do another special edition if you ask for it.

Check out this Dr Travelbest episode!

#travel #women #dr travelbest #best travel

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jessiec-writes-fantasy · 2 years ago

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Writeblr positivity (tag game)

Thanks for the tag @lexiklecksi !

1. What motivates you to write?

Making up my own worlds, or playing in others'. Making characters or 'what ifs' that I haven't been able to find in fiction.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not, maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them):

this if from a fanfic i've been posting under my other blog(and on ao3), wheres-all-the-tea-gone. I'm quite happy with how my writing has been in it, although I'm worried that its changing as the story goes on. But I think i nailed the coziness I wanted to have for this scene.

In the hush of the room, Glorfindel lowered himself to sit against the wall with him. Cushions had been placed along the large area in front of the hearth, including where they sat. He picked one up and held it against his chest before looking at him. Elrond smiled. “Do you feel better?” Glorfindel nodded and returned the smile. “Much.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/ talk about them and what are they like?

I tend to like my characters for a while, but then either grow to be embarrassed/hate my writing or worried it's stupid, or I move on to another story once the previous one is done. So I never really stick around with one OC enough to get super attached I guess?

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

When I know exactly what is going to happen in a scene, and the dialogue, and I just need to write it out.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Not sure. I think I'm getting better at showing and not telling tho.

6. What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

Meeting other writers and learning about their works.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I use Scrivener. I like how I can divide chapters, thus making it easier to find something if I need to fix it. I also tend to listen to music without words on youtube.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I havent started writing my newest story yet, but I've started on the world building and I really like the druid system so far, and how the spirits of the world grow into stronger spirits.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Go for walks in nature or just get out of the house and do something fun. Go someplace new, or try out something new. It will get your mind off of writing and once you relax your mind might just find a way to fix what you're stuck on. If not maybe try working on some other piece of writing and maybe the answer will come as your work on it.

#writblr #writeblr #fantasy #writing

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mackenzielovee · 3 years ago

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sixth sense: part five

synopsis: “Please. Give me a shot. I’ll even let you scowl at me the whole time like you used to when we first met.”

warnings: kissing, swearing, anxiety, intoxication/alcohol consumption, brief mentions of bruises + domestic violence

wc: 5.6k

a/n: hi <3 excited and happy, i hope you enjoy !

series masterlist

You wake up sprawled across Rafe’s bed, positioned on your stomach with your left hand and leg drooped over the remainder of the bed. You push up on your elbows and turn to your right, finding Rafe facing you, squished practically to the edge of his bed because of your position. He’s still fast asleep, and for a moment, you just sit there and take him in. His hair is even more messy than it had been last night, a few strands in his eyes. His lips are parted slightly and his breaths are even with the rising and falling of his chest.

The events of the night before come flooding back to you when you look around his room, remembering how you practically begged him to fuck you and he didn’t. He saw the markings on your skin and deemed you damaged, shattering your heart in your chest. Then, piece by piece, he put it back together with his soft kisses and his pleads for you to stay with him.

Your skin burns in every spot he kissed you, begging for his mouth to return. For a split second, you consider waking him up to do just that. You shake your head and slide across his mattress, careful to get up slowly so he doesn’t wake.

You’re still in his clothes, the ones he so graciously offered to you without having to think twice, and you decide not to change. You’ll give the clothes back to him next time you see him. Plus, the thought of sleeping in them for a few more nights is too enticing to pass up.

You grab your clothes from the desk, then find your phone and slip on your shoes. When you turn back, Rafe is still in the exact same position, taking up one foot of space so you could have the other four. With a deep breath, you slip out of his room before you can think twice, thanking the universe when you don’t run into anyone in the house. There are a few people asleep on the couches, but you don’t stick around to observe. You slip out before anyone can notice you and make it to your car, where you sit and let it all out.

Rafe calls you as you’re getting out of the shower at your apartment. You’re wrapped in a towel, your hair soaking wet and sticking to your skin, as you stare blankly at the ringing phone. You have no idea how he’ll react to you just leaving without a word, a note, a text, but you really don’t care to find out.

Although spending the night with him had you sleeping better than you have in a long time, you can’t let it become a regular thing. You know letting Rafe all the way in is dangerous, no matter how he makes you feel when he’s around. Especially after you’d humiliated yourself last night by telling him the truth and crying in front of him. Being vulnerable gets you hurt, and you don’t think you can do that again.

You brush your hair out and then move to your bedroom to dress, sighing when you hear your phone vibrate against the counter in the bathroom. You see Rafe’s name pop up above a text, leading you to open it.

Are you okay? When did you leave?

You clench your jaw, unable to believe he cares so much. Why?, you wonder. What could he possibly see in you that’s worth all of this?

After you dress, you busy yourself around your apartment. You do the dishes, start laundry, vacuum, and reorganize your entire room just to keep your mind off of the past few days. You can’t help but feel as if you’ve made a complete mess of everything – especially with Rafe. You wonder if he’d tell his frat buddies about it; how you cried and wanted sex and he had to tell you no. You shake that thought immediately, knowing he wouldn’t do that. He’s not like Campbell, who gave way too much detail to anyone who would listen. Rafe is better, more mature, more private.

Your phone buzzes again around dinner time, and you already know it’s him without having to look. You do anyway, indulging yourself.

My mind has officially gone crazy about you. I know you’re probably fine. Ignoring me is okay. I can deal with that.

But I need you to do something for me, okay?

If you really are good and just want space, just send me back the stupidest fucking emoji ever. If you don’t answer, I’ll be forced to contact the authorities.

You laugh at that, trying to imagine Rafe contacting the police to report a girl not texting him back. You bite down on your lip and do your best to ignore the swirling in your stomach, then search through all of the emoji categories to find a ridiculous one.

Eventually, you settle on the mermaid and click send before you can overthink it, laughing once again at the ridiculousness of this. And the way it’s making you so happy in the process. His reply is instantaneous.

Understood. I’m here if you want to talk. I’ll be at the library on Wednesday, you should come by. Don’t make me wait until Friday. Please.

Your heart pounds in your chest at his words, and before you’re tempted to type a reply that promises your attendance, you swipe out of the text altogether. The remainder of the evening becomes about distracting yourself, trying not to repeat his words over and over again in your head.

You fail, and a part of you isn’t even sure you can wait until Wednesday.

Bryn talks you down at work on Monday. You don’t tell her about Campbell or the marks he left behind that Rafe eventually found, instead, citing alcohol as the reason he stopped. You’d both been drinking, and he stopped it. She believes you, and you watch her eyes melt at the thought of him doing such a thing.

She practically demands you give Rafe a chance. A real one. A part of you fears that more than anything else, but the other part of you wants to take the dive. You feel desperate to trust someone, but at the same time, unwilling to do so. Every instinct screams that you have to protect your heart, but your heart says Rafe Cameron isn’t bad. He’s not like Campbell. Or Jamie. He’s different; he’s better.

Which is how you find yourself standing in front of the library for the second week in a row. It’s earlier than the last time you’d shown up because you know Rafe starts studying early. You have no idea where he is in the building, so the first place you go is the second floor, where he’d been last time. Your breaths are unsteady, his clothes in your backpack heavy, as you round the corner.

His focus remains on his laptop as you take the first two steps forward. His hair is messy and he has glasses on today, which make him look equal parts tired and handsome. He moves his glance to his textbook then, and you’re almost halfway to him. You watch him skim the page, then turn back to his laptop. His eyes snag on something – on you, you realize — and you watch in slow motion as that grin breaks out on his face.

He stands as you make it over to him, offering him a smile. You watch as he reaches for you, desperate to feel you after days apart, and then pulls back when you don’t reciprocate. You swallow and take half a step back, watching his face fall.

“Hey,” he finally says, trying to even out his expression.

“Hi,” you reply, anxiously tucking strands of hair behind your ear, “I, um, brought you your clothes.”

His brows furrow, “My clothes?”

Your jaw shifts as you draw in a breath, not wanting to discuss that night with him. Instead of answering verbally, you set your bag down on the table and remove his folded tee and sweatpants, sliding them over to him.

“My clothes,” he repeats, nodding his head, “Did you wear them again?”

You draw back, “Excuse me?”

He smirks and licks his lips, letting the clothes sit out in the open between the two of you.

“To bed,” he clarifies, “Did you wear them to bed again after you left me?”

Every night, your brain reminds you, And I really didn’t want to return them. But I can’t owe you anything.

“No,” you say, noting how the word comes out weaker than you intended.

Rafe grins then and places his hand on top of the folded clothes, then slides them back over to you.

“Keep them,” he tells you quietly, then adds, “The shirt’s too small for me and I was going to get rid of the pants anyway. You keep them.”

Every emotion you’ve felt since that night seems to bubble up inside your chest at his – obviously false – admission. Your expression hardens and your jaw clenches as you push the clothes back across the table, watching as his smirk fades.

“Stop treating me like a charity case,” you snap, “I don’t need your study guide, or your Rum and Coke, or your toothbrush, or your clothes. I can handle myself.”

He steps back and holds up his hands in defense, shaking his head slightly at the accusation.

“Y/N, hey–”

“I’m leaving,” you sigh, attempting to turn.

Your heart swells when he lurches forward, setting a gentle hand on your back.

“Hey, wait a second,” he stops you, “What’s going on? What did I do?”

You spin to face him, and he removes his hand at once. His expression shows his concern, and for a split second, you revel in the fact that he’s not shy about it. That he has no ego. He just wants to know.

You’re getting too close, you say in your head, I can’t rely on you. I can’t hurt you with my baggage.

“I just came to return your clothes,” you lie, “And now I’m leaving.”

“Y/N,” he hurries around you, stopping himself right in front of you and letting those blue eyes beg you silently to hear him out. You feel that same body heat you felt last night as he stands too close, letting it warm you and draw you in, “I don’t understand. I mean, you were in my bed. I held you while we slept. Why are you pushing me away now?”

“I just think it’s best if we go our separate ways,” you mumble.

His chest deflates at the words, and his pause to comprehend what you’ve said gives you a chance to hurry around his figure and make your way toward the stairs. You feel him before you see him, rushing around you again and blocking your exit.

“No,” he blurts, shaking his head as he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“No?” you question, taking a step back from him.

“No,” he repeats, “I say that respectfully, of course, but no. I’m not willing to do that. Not after what happened between us.”

“Rafe–” you sigh, but he stops you with another shake of his head.

“Please, Y/N, you don’t have to guard yourself with me. I’m not going to hurt you. Please don’t walk away from me.”

He reaches his hand out slowly and gently, then tangles his fingers through yours from where your hand rests at your side. You sigh, swearing you can feel him wearing you down. Part of you begs to jump. To take the chance and just hope like hell it won’t hurt if he doesn’t catch you.

“Rafe,” you say again, “I just…”

You trail off when you realize you have no idea how to articulate the thoughts in your head. Being with him like that, vulnerable and exposed, had alarm bells and sirens blaring in your head. You’re sure it will take a long time before you’re able to quiet those completely.

“You’re scared,” he says breathlessly, like he understands, like he can work with that, “That’s okay. Let’s just start with sitting down at our table. Because I know you came here to study with me.”

You bite your bottom lip before it can smile and give you away, but you’re sure he sees right through you. He grins and squeezes your hand, then nods for you to turn back around. Sucking in a deep breath and keeping your hand in his, you let him lead you back around the corner to the table where he’d been sitting.

Watching him carefully, you see how he pulls out the chair across from him and smiles, bringing your knotted hands up to his mouth to kiss before he releases you and gestures for you to sit. You do, swallowing roughly as he sits across from you and shifts his things so you have room to put your laptop and textbook, too.

“Better?” he asks, watching you nod, “Good. Get your stuff out so we can work, yeah?”

You nod again and take out your laptop from your bag, the bag that now smells like Rafe Cameron’s clothes. He keeps his eyes on you as you get situated, then leans back in his chair and focuses on his computer screen.

You open that same Google Doc the two of you worked on last week, finding him already working in it. The silence that falls over the two of you is comfortable, and for about half an hour, neither of you even speak. You settle into working and let your anxiety melt away, focusing only on your work.

Your eyes flash up at him before you can help it, and you practically gasp when you see him already eyeing you. He smirks and looks back down, leaving you to follow his lead. A few minutes later, you feel those eyes on you again.

“What?” you ask, looking up at him.

He smiles wide, “Just thinking.”

You raise a brow and pull your laptop closer to you, leaning forward with the hope of catching that familiar cologne.

“About France’s health care system?” you question.

“No,” he says, leaning closer to you and lowering his voice, “About the way your skin tastes.”

He watches as you freeze, your lips closing to swallow, then opening and taking a deep breath in after the shock.

“Rafe,” you speak faintly, “Stop.”

“Y/N,” he mocks with a teasing smile, “No.”

You laugh before you can help it, and when he breaks into that cheesy grin, you wonder if that was his goal all along. Glancing back down at the document open in front of you, you try to focus. Every time you read a line, however, you notice how all the letters seem to scramble together, and soon, all of your focus becomes about Rafe.

You give in and look up, finding him already watching you. That smile still sits across his lips and lights up those blue eyes.

“I know we’re taking things very slow right now,” he breathes, “But I’m gonna take a risk. Can you prepare yourself?”

You know you should feel unsettled by the fact that Rafe is about to take a risk, but you don’t. Not even in the slightest. He is comfort and safety all wrapped into one, and you know he’d never do anything to hurt you. Regardless of what you’ve tried to convince yourself.

“Yes,” you whisper.

He chews on his bottom lip for a moment, then nods his head and sits up straighter.

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Your throat dries up at that, and when you move to swallow, you can’t. He’s staring at you, and you watch as his tongue wets his bottom lip. He’s anxious, you figure, and you can’t figure out why. Why a guy like Rafe Cameron would be nervous to ask a girl out, when you’re sure any girl on this campus would die for his attention

“Rafe…” you trail off, unsure of what to say.

A date with him? How would that even go?

The voice in your head tells you that if the date is anything like today, Rafe will be there to reassure you and comfort you every time you want to draw back. It sounds appealing, really, even though you’ve somehow conditioned your body to reject every man ever.

“Please,” he adds when you don’t speak, “Will you go on a date with me, please?”

“I–” you start, then shake your head, “That’s not–”

“Y/N,” he stops you, his voice soothing as he reaches across the table to move your laptop, taking your hands in his to calm you, “Baby steps. It will just be me and you going to a restaurant and ordering food. You don’t even have to talk to me. I’ll do all the talking. You can just sit there and think about how much you wish you were at home.”

You smile and so does he; the feeling of his hands intertwined with yours overwhelming and comforting at the same time.

“That’s not what I’ll be thinking,” you admit.

He grins, “No?”

“No,” you shake your head, “I’ll probably be distracted.”

“By?”

You roll your eyes playfully, “By Rafe Cameron on a date.”

His laugh makes you laugh, and when he instinctively tugs your hands closer to him, every fiber in your body wishes there wasn’t a table between the two of you.

“I can be quite charming,” he tells you, “Please. Give me a shot. I’ll even let you scowl at me the whole time like you used to when we first met.”

You smile before you can help it, “Okay.”

His eyes go wide at the agreement, and with another tug of your hands, he brings one up to his mouth to press a kiss to.

“Okay?” he confirms.

“Yes, okay,” you nod, “But I will scowl.”

“Scowl all you want. I love it,” he says with a smile, “How does Saturday night work for you?”

“It works.”

He kisses your hand one more time before releasing you, licking his lips and doing his best to keep his happiness at bay. You watch as he suddenly starts packing up his laptop and textbook, shoving them into his bag. You stand when he does, giving him your most confused expression.

“I have to go,” he says breathlessly, “I have to work tomorrow, and Friday we have class and then I’m coming to the bar, so I have to prepare now.”

“What?” you practically laugh, “It’s Wednesday.”

“Yeah, but, you know. I have to figure out logistics and everything,” he smiles shyly, then takes a step toward you, “I really want to kiss you goodbye, but we haven’t even been on a date yet.”

You swallow down your inquiry about him coming to the bar on Friday, hoping that if you don’t question it, he will. Instead, you suck in a deep breath and just barely nod your head, watching his eyes soften.

“You can,” you whisper, “I won’t tell.”

With a wide smile, his hand makes its way up to your neck, cupping your jaw and letting his thumb graze over your cheek as he pulls you into him.You rise on your tip-toes and let your lips meet, hearing a faint groan from Rafe the second he tastes you. The kiss lasts all of three seconds, and when he pulls back, you only want more.

“Public library,” he explains, “Best behavior.”

You laugh and nod as he steps back from you. His hand wraps around the strap of his backpack and he nods, giving you another one of your favorite smiles as he starts to leave.

“Friday,” he promises.

“See you then,” you reply.

He grins and nods again, then turns and makes his way out of the library before he can change his mind. You collapse back down in your chair and try your best not to smile like a lovesick college student, but you can’t help yourself. Another twenty minutes of no progress and you shake your head, slamming your laptop shut and leaving the library with a smile you never thought you’d have.

By the time Friday rolls around, Bryn is far too antsy to hear about how things have progressed with Rafe. You walk into class texting her that you’ll fill her in at work tonight, then look up and instantly lock into those blue eyes.

He smiles and watches as you cross the room to join him. He doesn’t even blink until you sit down beside him, resting your hand on the armrest in between the two of you. He places his hand on top of yours and squeezes, giving you a smile.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi,” you reply, returning his smile.

“How have you been?”

You laugh, “Since I last saw you thirty-six hours ago?”

He sits back in his seat and laughs to himself, but you swear you can see the blood rushing up, turning his ears pink.

“I guess,” he shrugs, “Feels like longer.”

“I know,” you reply before you can help it, turning just in time to see the victorious smirk grow across his lips.

You watch your professor enter the classroom and start his set up while the room steadily fills up with people. You recognize Lindsay, the girl who displaced you when she sat with Rafe several weeks ago, enter. She smirks when you catch her eye and flaunts over, moving her glance over to Rafe, who could not be bothered.

Your hand remains on the arm rest between the two of you while Rafe had pulled his away to set up his computer. Your grip tightens around it as she nears the two of you; the hair on the back of your neck standing at whatever she has up her sleeve.

“Hi, Rafe,” she grins, equal parts flirty and bitchy, “Is the seat on the other side of you taken?”

Rafe glances up, and almost as if on instinct, he sets his hand back on top of yours. Lindsay, who registers this, practically exhales fire as she glares at you.

“Hi, Lindsay,” he greets, then shakes his head, “I’m pretty sure it’s available. You’re welcome to sit there.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, passing in front of the two of you to seat herself.

Rafe’s hand squeezes yours again, earning your eyes. He gives you a smile, one that says he has no clue what’s going on. You watch his eyes search your face to try and gauge your feelings, but he’s unsuccessful. All at once, he shifts in his seat and turns his head, all while pulling your hand from the arm rest and knotting your fingers through his.

“Lindsay, do you know Y/N?” he asks her, remaining silent for one beat before he continues, “She’s the girl I was saving that seat for when you and I ended up next to each other a few weeks ago.”

Lindsay expertly eyes your entwined hands, but plasters a fake Barbie doll smile over her expression.

“Right,” she says tightly, “She never actually came over to sit. Which worked out for me, because we had a lot of fun in that class. Right, Rafe?”

Rafe’s brows furrow, “Uh, I mean, yeah. I guess. I was too busy worrying about you.”

His gaze moves back to you and his features melt, which makes you smile. You let go of whatever desire you have to tell Lindsay off, to make her regret the day she ever came over here. You’re not sure exactly what it is – but then again, you are. Rafe is rubbing off on you in ways you never thought possible.

With a squeeze of his hand, you lean forward and give her a polite smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lindsay,” you say, watching her face fall in shock, “I work at Black Boar downtown. If you ever want a drink, it’s on me.”

“Um, thanks,” she replies, shocked, and sits back in her seat.

Rafe’s grin is incomparable to anything else in that moment. Your professor stands up to begin class just as Rafe leans over and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“That’s my girl,” he whispers, then pulls back and releases your hand all at once.

Your stomach twists with a new feeling, one you’re sure you’ve never felt before. Throughout class, Rafe takes all the notes while you sit there, still as can be, replaying those three words over and over again.

You walk into work in a daze; Rafe’s words still running through your head. You’d never, ever felt like this with anyone else, which is why the feeling has you looking like you’re on the best high of your life.

Bryn grabs your arm the second you clock in and turns you around, watching your eyes go wide with fear at the sudden movement.

“Sorry,” she says instantly, “I wasn’t trying to scare you. Just excited to hear about the frat boy.”

You laugh and nod, swallowing down the anxiety she’d spiked up.

“He’s great,” you reply, meaning it.

She squeals, but calms herself down to avoid attracting attention. You shake your head at her, but you can’t help a laugh that escapes you.

“You look happy,” she remarks, “And I want details.”

You sigh, setting your bag into your locker and closing it up. Your back is to her now, and without having to look her in the eye, you feel more confident in saying your feelings out loud.

“Bryn,” you mumble, “I’m falling for him.”

You hear her gasp and turn around just in time to meet her genuine, beautiful smile.

“Y/N, I’m–”

“Ladies,” Jamie calls from his office, “Your shift started two minutes ago. Let’s pull down those tops and get out there, all right?”

Bryn’s face falls, but you just shake your head and give her a smile, then tug on her arm and take her out to the bar. It’s only five, meaning it’s not slammed yet. You take time in between serving drinks to tell Bryn about Rafe in full detail, down to the date the two of you have tomorrow night.

Around ten, things start to pick up. People stream through the doors at a steady rate, taking drinks and leaving good tips. Your mood looks up when you think about how much you’ve made tonight – and not broken a thing, so Jamie can’t take anything from your earnings – and you match Bryn’s smile across the bar.

It’s ten-thirty when a slightly inebriated but insanely handsome Rafe Cameron enters the bar with Topper and a few other guys. You clock him instantly; those piercing blue eyes lighting your skin on fire the second he sees you. Quickly, you finish your drink and pass it off, then move over to serve the boys. You can’t even help the smile that grows on your lips, sure you look like a teenager all over again.

“Hi,” Rafe greets you, his smile matching yours.

“Hi,” you reply, “What’ll it be?”

“Vodka soda,” he replies, as if it’s obvious, “And a kiss, if you’re handing them out.”

You bite your lip to hide your smile from growing, but it doesn’t help the giggle that escapes past your lips. Rafe laughs and leans closer, using the bar to his advantage.

“I’m not. I kinda have this guy in my life, and I think he’d be mad if I went around handing out kisses to drunk frat guys.”

He grins, “Yes, he would be very mad.”

“I’d love to see that,” you tease, “Let me get your drink–”

“‘Scuse me, love birds,” Topper slurs, nudging Rafe’s shoulder as he makes himself comfortable beside him, “I need a drink.”

You raise a brow at his state, “You sure about that?”

Rafe snickers as Topper glares at both of you, raising his hand up to point at you accusingly.

“Rude,” he slurs, “I’ll have a Blue Hawaiian. No teasing.”

“ID?” you ask, trying your best to compress your laugh.

Topper’s eyes narrow, “Are you serious?”

Rafe’s hand moves over his mouth, hiding his smile.

“Absolutely,” you nod.

Topper groans and stumbles a bit as he moves to pull out his wallet, then shoves it toward you. You giggle and nod, moving off to make their drinks. Rafe’s eyes never leave you, but you feel too shy under his inebriated glance to look up at him.

Once the drinks are made, you bring them back over to the boys and give them both a smile. Topper hands you his credit card and waves Rafe’s drink onto it too, ignoring Rafe’s protest at the offer. Topper tips you well, then raises his drink up in the air at you.

“Cheers, bartender,” he says with a drunken smile, “Entertain him for a while, yeah? So he’ll shut the fuck up about you.”

Before you can reply, Topper falls into the crowd and disappears, leaving a blushing Rafe behind. You grin and reach across the bar, silently asking for his hand. He gives it to you without hesitance, tugging you closer so he can kiss your palm.

“That will have to do for now,” he mumbles, “Get back to work.”

You frown, “Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

He laughs and squeezes your hand before he releases it, shaking his head at you.

“I’m staying right here until your shift is over. I’m gonna be the only guy touching you tonight, all right?”

You draw back instinctually at his words, but with a deep breath and a moment to digest, you nod weakly. His expression falls slightly, and he steps forward as if to try and comfort you. The bar stops him, and he sighs.

“Thank you, Rafe,” you breathe, “Thank you.”

He nods then, giving you a small smile. You take one step back to get to work, but Bryn steps over and places a gentle hand on your arm.

“She likes tulips,” Bryn tells Rafe, “Hates any activity where she has to change clothes. Doesn’t like to go to the movies, she says it’s a waste of money–”

“Bryn,” you stop her, “Drinks.”

Bryn looks to Rafe one more time and nods, as if to affirm what she’s just said, then turns and gets back to taking orders.

“Sorry,” you mumble, then follow suit.

Rafe stays true to his word and sticks around until your shift ends. You can feel his eyes on you for the remainder of the night. After you clock out, you’re not at all surprised when he’s waiting for you by the door. Topper has become dangerously drunk, being held up by a few of their frat brothers.

“Ready?” he asks, holding out his hand for you.

You nod and take it, walking through the door he holds open for you.

It’s grown colder outside since you came in to work, but you welcome it. After running around all night, it feels refreshing.

“So,” he starts, swinging your entwined hands back and forth, “Anything else I should know besides tulips, no changing clothes, and no movies?”

You laugh shyly, “No. I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. I want to know you.”

You smile, trying to hide it by looking down at the ground. You squeeze his hand as a silent thank you, letting the comfortable silence take over once again.

He stops in front of your car and guides you up against it, caging you in when he sets his hands on either side of you.

“Text me once you get into your apartment safe, all right?” he says.

You nod, “I will. Thanks for staying.”

“Like I’ve told you,” he whispers, leaning closer, “I’d do anything for you.”

Surprising yourself as much as him, it’s you who leans in this time and kisses him. He adjusts after only a second and moves one hand to cup your jaw, pulling you closer. That fire you’ve felt burns your lips and every inch of skin his hand touches, melting you quickly.

Rafe requests to deepen the kiss and you allow it, tugging him closer by his shirt. Soon, he has you completely pressed against your car while his free hand tugs your right leg up and around him, allowing him to be only closer.

He pulls back abruptly, groaning at the weak whine you let out when his lips leave yours.

"Y/N,” he pants, “We haven’t even – I have to take you on a date.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, “You are. Tomorrow.”

“I know,” he retorts, “No more kissing until I take you on a date.”

“Are you serious?” you question, letting out a laugh.

“Yes,” he replies, but leans down and presses his lips to yours anyway. When he pulls back, he sighs, “Starting now.”

You giggle before you can help it and nod, running one hand through his hair and scratching the back of his neck. His eyes close under your movement, and you watch as his throat constricts with his swallow.

“Goodnight, Rafe,” you murmur.

His eyes open, revealing his dilated pupils and a deeper blue than you’ve ever seen on him before.

“Goodnight, baby.”

You ignore the tightening in your chest and release him slowly, smiling when he opens your door for you and watches you climb into the car. With a wave, he closes the door and remains in the parking lot long after he disappears from your rear view mirror.

Tags:

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#rafe fic #rafe cameron #rafe #rafe cameron imagine #rafe fanfiction #rafe imagine #rafe x you #rafe obx #outerbanks rafe #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x you #outerbanks netflix #outer banks #outer banks netflix #outerbanks

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lady-mimis · 3 years ago

Text

WHAT IS LOVE? - KING ARTHUR

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes that might be on the text

Part one

Notes: That was the first thing that I wrote, I cringed really hard reviewing it

------------------------------------------------------------

You met Arthur in your travel to Camelot with the deadly sins, you stayed a certain distance from him as he tried to become your friend, you thought that was because you look to have the same age as him but you are reserved so stayed away. You never treated him bad though, you didn't talk a lot with him. He was one of the most kind human that you ever met in your whole life, so you could understand why Merlin see hope in him, and why the chaos chose him. He would become a great man.

That's why you stayed by Merlin's side when everyone in the team found out everything that she have done

------------------------------------------------------------

"(Y/n), Don't let this beast get closer to you and Arthur!" The lady in the lake told you, and you stay in front of Arthur protecting him

-Cat is my friend, you guys don't need to worry - Arthur told, running to the cat just to have one of his arms ripped off

You teleported by his side grabbing him to get away from the cat, you took yourself by Elizabeth side

"Heal him please, I'll take care of this cat" You stood up but stop as you heard Arthur's words

"Lady (Y/n), cat is not a enimie" He tried to convice you but you alredy have your sword on hands

"Pardon me, King Arthur but an animal that ate one of your arms, probably don't want you to be alive" You say without look to him and saw the "cat" coming on your direction

"She's right Arthur, i don't want that you live, I wanna eat every piece of you and ass dessert I will have (Y/n)" The cat was bigger than before, the real description of a beast

"Oh no, I'll not die being a banquet" you said laughing "but maybe you will kitty" you teleport yourself and attack him, cuting him on pieces

"I bet this beast will comeback in a while, Merlin take everyone away from here" You said thinking in a way to defeat him

Merlin teleport everyone but you and Arthur

"Listen King Arthur, I don't know how to defeat this cat and my powers it's nothing to compare with yours and that big cat, you're the only one, who can do something about it" You took a step closer and help him to stand up "I know how it's hard to have your trust broke and i'm sorry for that" You said feeling sorry for him

"Thank you Lady (Y/n), I really appreciate your advice, coming from a expert person" He smiled gently for you, suddenly you felt ashamed

Merlin was back

"(Y/n), you should come back too" Merlin told you, she was uncertain

"I'm not going back Merlin!" You said firm

------------------------------------------------------------

That "cat" was back and trapped you in an illusion, you could feel the exterior world but couldn't move

"Hey (Y/n)" Zeldris appeared in the garden

"What you doing here?" You looked around

"I came to finish what I couldn't years ago" Zeldris aproximate to you "I'll make sure you will be dead" He point to your heart with his sword, you walk forward and take a long breath

"I waiting for a long time" You said relieved

"Great" He stabbed you, looking at you bleeding

"Wake up,Lady (Y/n)" Someone is shaking you to wake, it sounds King Arthur voice "Merlin, what we gonna do? She still looks in trance"

You move slowly, looking around and you are in the lap of King Arthur and the place looks really different

"Lady (Y/n), you're awake!" Arthur said cheerfully, he looks carefully to your face "you're okay?" He help you to get up

"I think so, thank you, King Arthur" You around once again "Where is that beast?" You were really confuse

"Arthur ate him!" Meliodas said amusedly

------------------------------------------------------------

It has been six months since you and Merlin left the team to rebuild Camelot and help Arthur. You're helping him with his powers and others skills

You wake in the middle of the night, your body is sweating, your face was wet and your heart aches. You decided walk around maybe you feel better

You enter the library of the castle of Camelot, it's dark but you don't care, you sit in one of the tables and stay there in the dark and quiet

"Lady (Y/n), why you're here?" A light was in front of ypur face and you jumped back, hitting your back in other table "I'm so sorry i didn't mean to scary you, you okay?" He came closer and you hide your face

"I'm okay Arthur, how did you know that i was here?" You have sure that your bracelets hid your presence

"I felt your presence" He said simple. Your bracelets must be broken

"May i ask you something (Y/n)?" He sounded careful, you hummed in answer "Why you're so sad? I hear your cry and sobs every night"

You sighed and get up taking some steps till the door

"It's getting late, don't stay awake for too long, tomorrow morning you have training" You teleport yourself back to your room. Your pain seem to have subsided, that was pretty stranger

The truth was that you couldn't take the pain anymore you just want that pain disappeared, you just want to die

------------------------------------------------------------

One more night, you woke from a bad dream, the same pain, same feeling, you were worthless, you can't do anything to end with your pain

You were in the library, in the dark like the last time, just hearing your heavy breath and little sobs, you're shaking hard, you felt the presence of Arthur, why he always had to show up?

"(Y/n), you okay?" He appeared in front of you worried, he puts his hand on your shoulder

You look at him and cry even more, you can't handle this anymore, you're not that strong

"Arthur, can i ask you a favor?" You sob and he nodded, wiping your tears

"Could you end with the pain in my heart?" You begged in pain he seemed shocked "Could you end up with everything? Just kill me, please, I can't take this anymore"

Arthur was scared for what you said to him, you thought that he would back off but he didn't. He came closer to you and gave you a tight embrace

"I'm sorry (Y/n), i can't do that but i promise to you that i will help you to end with your pain" He whispered gentely. You were surprise with his hug

You keep crying but his embrace seems to calm you.

Your heart skips a beat, you tensed. Arthur was still holding you tight.

You stopped to cry. Arthur got out the embrace and smiled kindly

"You want talk about it?" Arthur sat on a chair next to you, the dark was comforting for you

"I will tell you my history but not today, i want to stay quiet for a while" You said sitting on his side

....

"Have you already been in love Arthur?" You asked him after a while in silence, you're enjoying Arthur's company

"Hm.. what?" He probably was red like a tomato but you can't see his face "I never met someone that was interesting and i was focused in my adventures, to be honest, the onle women that i have contact everyday is you and Merlin.... so no, i never fell in love for anyone" You hummed in agreement

"You know... i am the goddess of love but i don't know anything about love" You laughed weakly

"How that works? You make the people fall in love with each other?" Arthur asked really curious

"Not like that haha" You thought that was funny "but i could if i want to, but that would be not the true feeling of love, so it wouldn't last for too long, it would be a manipulated feeling" You rest your head on the table "I used to do that to get information when i was in the deadly sins"

"So you make the people fell in love with you with your powers of love to get informations? That's pretty smart" Arthur sounded excited to know your history

"Yeah, Merlin was always with me on those kind of missions. Of course, cause she knows more about everything" You were almost asleep

"It's nice to know more about you"

------------------------------------------------------------

After that night you would always have a good sleep, better than before, if you woke from a bad dream you would always met Arthur in library

Arthur would always give you a tight hug and keep you calm until you fall sleep

"(Y/n), are you going to the festival?" Merlin was by your side, watching Arthur training with you

"Festival?" You still have not decided "I don't know, i haven't decided yet but probably i will stay in the castle" You watched Arthur training with swords. He was getting better but at first it was difficult for him

"Agh!" Arhur groaned, that caught your attetion and you run to check him, your heart seemed stop. Is he injured?

"Arthur, you're okay?" You asked worried, checking all his body. He stopped and looked at you smiling gently

"I'm okay (Y/n), i just tired" Arthur said as you look into his beatiful bright purple eyes

"(Y/n), are you listening?" Arthur snaped his fingers on your face trying caught your attention again

"Pardon me Arthur, say it again please?" You look behind him, seeing Merlin's amused face.

"You're looking above the clouds lately" He said teasing "Anyway, I was wondering if you want to come with me to the festival?" He asked smiling at you. He seemed calm but you could feel how nervous he was

"Of course Arthur" You nodded smiling at him

"Good" He said and looked up to the sky. The sun was almost down "I will catch you in your room" Arthur said bye to you and Merlin

"What was that (Y/n)?" Merlin question make you tilt your head confuse "You and Arthur, obliviously there was something in the air, maybe love" Merlin said looking to your eyes "Your eyes are lilac"

"Love? Me and Arthur? You're totally mad" You stopped to think about it "It's impossible!" It's more for you than for her

"Look (Y/n), Arthur makes you feel better, I don't even hear your cries at night time anymore" Merlin was on the ground in front of you and grabbed your shoulders "Just think about it" She disappeared leaving you alone in the arena

After that talk you discovered what the lady in the lake was talking about. Arthur could choose to kill or love you

But you refuse yourself to love!

You don't want pass for same things again, you can't fall in love with Arthur

------------------------------------------------------------

When Arthur knocked on your door to go to the festival, you told him that you were not feeling well

...

Has been two weeks after that conversation with Merlin, you avoided Arthur out of his training. You felt stranger if you talk with Arthur, you got lost in his purple beautiful eyes, your heart race

You knew exactly what was that feeling, but you refuse to accept it

You're feeling angst and didn't want to confess your feelings for Arthur. How could he love you? You don't to want pass for other heart break, it's very painful

...

You were awake, you couldn't sleep, so you go to the roofs of the castle and sit there enjoying the view

The view was awesome, the sky was full of stars and the moon was bright, you felt Arthur's presence. What he's doing here?

"Don't do that (Y/n)!" He sounded desperate "Don't jump!" He said louder

"I'm not going to jump!" You said trying to stay serious "I've already fell from higher heights than this one" You said serious

"I don't know what i was thinking... just ... i was afraid to lose you" He came closer to where you were sitting

"Lose me?" You got intrigued by that "I'm afraid that i cannot die this easily"

"(Y/n), Merlin told me everything about you and i'm so sorry for that" He looked to you with a look you hated. He was pity of you

You stood up abruptly.

"She what? You didn't have that right!" You start to feel the tears rolling down your face. Arthur seemed shocked

"I'm sorry (Y/n), i just wanted to know why you were avoiding me and Merlin told me what was happening" He was feeling guilty to make you cry

What she told him?

"(Y/n), I'm sorry for not being clear with you" Oh no he was going to reject you even when you didn't confess to him

"With everything that you pass through, I understand why you so afraid" He sighed deeply "I should make clear my intentios with you" He look right in your eyes. You were not expecting anything like this

- I - i am suprise, i don't know how to react - You said embarressed

Arthur grabbed your hand "I don't have any experience with relationship but i think we can discover what is love together" Arthur's eyes seemed more bright in the dark

You sigh and look at him. It was hard to believe that someone was not pretending to love you to take advantage, but you knew Arthur was not of that kind. He was always so gentle, careful and charming

"It sounds good for me" You smile at him as he look in awe for you "What?"

"I'm just admiring your beauty" He whispered to you, you blushed. You come closer to him and embraced him tight

"Thank you, you really help me with the pain in my heart, I feel really better" You admit content

"How?" He sounded curious

"The cure to broken heart, it's a new love" You run your hands through his soft hair "I'm sorry to avoid you those weeks.... i did that to not fall in love but it didn't work cause i was already in love with you"

Arthur break the embrace and look surprised at you "Your eyes" He whispered softly "it's lilac, it's so beatiful" He put his hand on your face, you close your eyes enjoying the moment

"Can i kiss you?" He asked softly. You nodded feeling goosebumps

You felt his lips against yours, the kiss was sweet and calm

You felt complete and full of happiness. Maybe this might be the feeling of love, the love you were made for

------------------------------------------------------------

#seven deadly sins #nnt x reader #seven deadly sins x reader #arthur nnt x reader #sds x reader #imagine seven deadly sins #imagine deadly sins

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kkusuka · 4 years ago

Note

I’m so proud I’ve been here long before 2k💁🏼‍♀️ N E WAY CONGRATSSSSS!!!

Can I have fluff 16 with a twist tho, like “My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." with Gojou, Fushiguro, Itadori and a fem reader? If 3 characters are way to many you can keep only Gojou. Keep being amazinggg<3

thank you so much!! <3

Gn!Pronouns, but you are implied to be female!

Cw: an itsy bitsy hint of angst, slight confessions, reader panics,

a/n: these were almost criminally fun to write, I love these three so much

Gojou Satoru

Words: 700

You had no idea how a simple piece of paper could make you feel. Awkward, confusion, shock, all from one note that you thought was a bill.

‘Y/n L/n save the date!’ was the last thing you had expected, from your ex-boyfriend nonetheless. The same guy who dated you for a whole three years before telling you over text that it wasn’t going to work out.

Well, the both of you never had a bad relationship after, but you were a severe level of butthurt. But what made you really freeze was the plus one invitation, if you showed up to your ex’s wedding you would look like a loser.

Since you were clearly going, you’d never miss on free food and a chance to have a day off, you needed an outfit and a date. The outfit was pretty easy to figure out, you’d go shopping on the weekend and buy something then.

But someone to go with? You had about three friends whom you knew could not afford any days off and that you just didn't want to take. (at least you had some last resorts) Then, another problem, if they weren’t part of the Jujutsu world it would be harder to explain if you had to abruptly leave, which was a huge possibility this time of year.

With that, your options were cut down to two- Nanami and...Gojou, of all people.

Obviously, you tried, emphasis on tried, Nanami first. But after 24 missed calls and a 15-second conversation where he basically told you to shove it, you were in full-on panic mode. The wedding was in three days and you had to do something about your inevitable loneliness.

You had to get over yourself, the worst Gojo could do was make fun of you or say no. But, he never passes up the opportunity for sweets, just lay on the dessert y/n!

“To what do I owe this sweet phone call Y/n? Confessing your love for yours truly?” his voice laughed through the line. You just had to ask him in a way that would compel him to want to come with you.

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you blurt not even thinking about the words falling from your lips.

You come to realize your words from the ringing silence in your ears, “I’m sorry I just-”

“I’ll come” he answered, cutting off your apologies. He’ll come, you didn't even have to say anything about sugar or bribe him into coming.

“You’ll come? Really? Why-wait Thank you! It’s on Saturday at 3 pm, we can go together if that makes things better! Thank you so much, you just saved me Gojo! How can I make it up to you!” you were just spouting whatever you could to thank him, listening to his daughter from his side.

“Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my little Sugar? You can make it up to me by wearing your prettiest little dress so we’ll be the hottest couple at the wedding.” he teased, continuing ranting about how you should match colors to add ‘flare’.

“While we’re there we can start planning our own wedding! Doesn’t that sound fun Sugar!”

Fushiguro Megumi

Words: 700

“What even is that” Megumi’s voice rang through the office hallway. You’d like to know too, you haven’t spoken to anyone from your hometown, save for our family, since you moved away six years ago.

“I’m not totally sure, you want to open it with me?” you question opening the door to your office as he silently follows you in.

Settling the rest of the mail down, you take a closer look at the suspicious envelope noticing the name on the return address. There's no way! Why the hell was your ex sending you things to your official workspace?

“What’s wrong? Is it bad?” Megumi doesn't know what to do, your face went pale and you looked super confused.

“Oh, nothing really. I’m just surprised, it’s from my ex” well now he was frozen, was it a love letter? Why was he sending you stuff, he just hoped that it wasn't bad, you had enough on your plate and you didn’t need more.

Opening the envelope to see flower patterns and script lettering; you know exactly what this letter will be telling you. Just as you suspect a date plastered on the card along with two all familiar names flood your senses.

“He’s getting married!” you couldn't believe it, why would he invite his high school ex to his wedding, it was an odd choice, to say the least.

“That’s cool I guess, anyway I gotta go, have fun,” he murmured leaving the room and letting to wonder if you were even going to show up in the first place, but at the moment you send an email and reserve a spot for yourself and admittedly a plus one that didn’t exist.

You would figure it out in due time!

❍❍❍

You did not figure anything out and the wedding was tomorrow. No one in their right mind would drop everything to come to some random wedding. Your point proved when Itadori explained he had plans to go see a movie marathon with Jumpei that he just couldn’t cancel.

Not even Nobara would spare you some mercy, she and Maki were having a pre-planned girls' day, one that you would be going to if you hadn't agreed to go to some random wedding.

Now you could only pray that Mehgumi felt enough pity that he would go with you. Deciding that a call would be too impersonal and would be easier to say no over, you make your way to his apartment with a box of dumplings that you knew he loved.

“Gumi-chan? Open up please!” you knocked on the door waiting for him to come, him appearing a few seconds later; hair messy in sweatpants and a black tank-top. No- this isn’t about his body, it could be, but you had to get this settled first.

“Uh? Did I miss something? Why are you here?” his questions break you from your stare as you shove the food in his arms, gathering all the courage you could muster.

“These are for you and all you need to do is hear me out, please? I would really like you too!” you beg, watching as he silently commanded for you to continue.

“As you know, my ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you kept your head low as you explained to him what had happened, “I really need you to do this for me, I'll give you anything I swear! Just help me this once!”

“Why do you need me?” he mumbled, commanding your attention back onto his face.

“Because it’ll be fun and you need to get out.” ‘and this is my way of asking you out but not asking you at the same time’ goes unsaid.

“Fine, but you have to come to dinner with me the next time my dad asks.” that was it you, ultimatum, an easy one too.

“Deal! Now we have to match or it’ll look stupid, and we have to practice dancing and-”

“Dear Lord, what did I get into”

Itadori Yuji

Words: 600

You’d pinned the invitation above your bed as a constant reminder that you had to do something.

Not that you cared what your ex thought of you at their wedding, but something deep inside wanted to show him that you were happy without him.

And the only way to do that was to shove a hot guy down his throat; better yet, a totally hot guy that was into you. Now all you needed was a hot guy to be into you.

Well, you had a hot guy to go with you. In a desperate plea, you had asked your good friend Itadori, formally known as the vessel of another somewhat friend Sukuna, and he had agreed.

Just thinking about it made you cringe a bit; you had been freaking out and ran to his apartment, drenched in rain.

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see," you explained frantically, waving your hands. Watching his face contort into every human emotion you could think of, before spreading into a smile.

“Of course I’ll come with you! It sounds like a blast!” of course Sukuna had a few choice words to say about that, something along the lines of, ‘you're not dragging me to some stupid event because you're lonely! I refuse!”

And he continued to complain throughout the night of planning and the next morning when you told him he was going whether he wanted to or not and he told you he’d rather die.

“This Wench will not dictate my life!” he spoke through a mouth on Yuji’s cheek, eye slit glaring in your direction.

“And I’m not letting some lame demon tell me what I can and can’t do with my friend!” you argued back.

But he didn't have a say anyway.

Now you were standing before a mirror, admiring how your dress wrapped around your body, waiting for Itadori to come to the door.

Hearing the knocks on your door, you grab a small bag and your invitations and your plus one, opening the door to Yuji in a three-piece black suit, staring at you with wide eyes.

“You look great-”

“You look crazy beautiful-”

Both of you freeze at the word mix-up, then breaking into laughter as you loop your arm through his outstretched one.

“Seriously you look great, y/n. You have that guy wishing he’d never let you go! Wait then you wouldn’t be with me, so just make him miss you a bit but not too much!” he stammered out as you continued your way to his car.

“You are the worst two humans in existence.”

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oro-e-diamanti · 4 years ago

Text

The one with Victoria’s boobs

Description | Victoria needs help taping her boobs for an upcoming performance. You get more than you bargained for.

Content | fluff

Pairing | Victoria x gn!Reader

Word Count | 2420

Some situations in life simply could not be dealt with without a strong cup of coffee. Heading out to an exam, waking up to a text from that ex who still grinds your gears, missing your train, and being late for work ... You, however, thought you were doing fine today, mood high and excited for the day ahead. You had slept in and left the hotel at a reasonable time. You’d do what you loved - make-up - and then watch the band play a kickass show. No additional kick needed to pump you up or help you deal with the hours ahead. You changed your mind the second you opened the dressing room door and came face to face with Victoria's tits. Actually - scratch that - you would need a drink to deal with this.

"Y/n! Finally! I need you, come here." While Victoria's face brightened up considerably as her eyes met yours, a smile spreading on her gorgeous lips, you could feel your cheeks heating up. She didn't seem to notice or mind, instead grabbing your hand and dragging you further into the room. Your bag slid off your shoulder, unceremoniously hitting the ground and staying there, forgotten and in the way. "If Damiano keeps ripping off the tape one more time to readjust, he's going to take my nipple off."

"Hey!" He objected. "I'm just trying to improve your boobs, lady!"

"You can't improve perfection, Damiano."

The bickering gave you a moment to evaluate the scene before you. The dressing room was a mess, clothes everywhere and a stylist bustling around, trying to keep the damage to a minimum. Ethan was currently admiring his reflection in the mirror, hands running through his hair, while Thomas kept rummaging around the chaos. And right before your eyes, Victoria, in satin trousers but topless, with Damiano still trying to fix the cross he had put across her left nipple, as Vic kept slapping his hand away.

"Honestly, babe, I need you," she pleaded as your eyes managed to remove themselves from her bare chest and met hers instead. "I can't do it myself because when I try to do it in the mirror it looks weird when I put my arms down. And Damiano just about managed one cross that doesn't look wonky as hell after about 43 attempts."

"I did not need 43 attempts! I was just trying to -"

"Stop it!" Vic slapped his hand away once more, harshly enough for the sound to echo. "Go gel your hair or something, I've got Y/n now."

"I'm your make-up artist, not -" You didn't quite know how to finish your sentence. You weren't what? Victoria's personal boob inspector? Professional nipple-taper?

"Exactly, which means you've got an eye for aesthetic, so please put this tape on me."

You couldn't refuse Vic either way. Not when she was staring at you with those impossibly blue eyes, silently begging for your help. With a sigh, you grabbed the tape out of her hand, slowly unrolling a bit. You had only known her for a little while, but well enough to be aware that she wouldn't back down. Vic was already reaching for a pair of scissors, but you were quicker, tearing the piece of tape off with your teeth.

"Sexy, but scary," Victoria concluded. "But mainly sexy."

You didn't have the mental capacity to deal with what she had just said. Actually, you didn't have the capacity to deal with what you were about to do, but that was a pill you'd simply have to swallow. You hoped your shaky fingers weren't giving you away, as you crouched to eye-level with Vic's boob.

You had never much thought about the feminine beauty of a naked woman's chest before, but your current angle was making you question all your past convictions.

Maybe you were into girls after all.

Maybe you were just into Victoria. It was a thought that had been lingering in the back of your mind for a while now.

As your fingers lightly touched her skin, careful to get the placement just right, she flinched. You looked up, gazes meeting, and for a second there was something in her eyes you couldn't quite pinpoint, but it was gone before you had a chance to reflect on it. Instead, she giggled, "It's way too hot for your hands to be this cold."

Way too hot indeed.

You tried to make quick work of the task ahead and not to stare at her breasts too intently. Not to touch her soft skin too obviously. Not to let your beating heart get the better of you.

"I knew you'd get it perfectly!" Victoria exclaimed, turning towards the mirror and examining her now partly covered boobs. "You just got that kind of eye, Y/n. Thank you so much."

She had thrown her arms around you before you could react. It shouldn't have come as much of a surprise, Vic always being a rather touchy person by nature, but this time she was half-naked, her chest pressed against your shirt. Your arms carefully wrapped around her back, briefly letting yourself enjoy the feeling of silk-like skin under your fingertips, then quickly letting go and taking a step back. Your heart had gone from beating to straight-up racing. You were in so much trouble.

"I'll just put on the rest of my outfit and then you can do my make-up, yeah?" Her eyes shone at you in gradients you hadn't seen before. All you could do was nod dumbly, knowing that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

***

You hadn't meant to go out drinking with the band, you really really hadn't, yet here you were, sitting in a dark corner of some trendy bar in the middle of Berlin, trying to duck out of every video they filmed for Instagram and sipping on your drink. The mood was euphoric and everyone kept singing along to the songs playing in the background, but you kept to yourself. Your mind was still spinning with images of Victoria, memories of her skin on yours, and the fact that she was standing in front of you right now didn’t help. She was beauty personified.

“Y/n! Dance with me!” Victoria pulled you out of my thoughts as she pulled you up into a standing position.

“Vic, no one is dancing in this bar.”

“So?”

She had never been much impressed with what other people were doing. You quickly downed the rest of your drink, handing the glass to Damiano, who sent you a conspicuous wink. Whatever that was supposed to mean. You were still standing a little awkwardly when Victoria took your hand and twirled you around, a heavy slap to the bum hitting you while your back was towards her.

“Come on, Y/n, let loose!”

The shock of her actions only lasted a split second, before you broke out into giggles and let her pull you further into her. Her arms wrapped around your neck, trying to move you to a beat that was much too fast to be this close and entangled. You didn’t mind. Hell, you decided, you would never mind anything she did to you ever again. You didn’t even take notice of Damiano, Ethan, and Thomas dancing along around you, too focused on the way Vic was holding you and pressing you against herself. You couldn’t tell anymore if the elation you were feeling was because of the drink you’ve had or because she was looking at you the way she was. In the heat of the moment, you pushed a strand of her from her face, fingers lightly trailing along her cheek. Her mouth was on yours in an instant, pressing a bold kiss against your lips, but it was over before it started and suddenly her body wasn’t pushed up against yours anymore and you felt lost and cold. Victoria was now slinging her arms around Thomas’ neck instead, leaving a similar kiss on him, before giving Ethan and Damiano the same treatment.

Your heart couldn’t decide if it wanted to keep beating or start breaking.

***

The next days were pure torture. It didn’t help that Victoria had developed a newfound love for going bra-less - and an appreciation for you taping her up. Her behaviour wasn’t much better. You bent over to pick something up? Slap on the butt. She walked by you? No way she wasn’t going to brush past you in some way. Sitting on the couch? She was cuddled up to you in a heartbeat, face mushed into your neck, her breath softly tickling your skin.

Pure torture.

It all came crashing down the night Victoria decided to shake up the hotel room arrangement. She would usually room with Damiano, while you shared with other members of the team that worked behind the scenes. Until you were all gathered in the lobby of your hotel for the night and she loudly announced she was sick of listening to Damiano snore every night - “What the hell, I’ve never snored in my life?!” - and instead was going to sleep with you. Sleep with you. You didn’t miss the looks and snickers of the others as she phrased it exactly like that.

You didn’t have a choice, really. You simply weren’t the type of person to protest - and Vic knew. So you followed her up in the elevator, down the corridor, and into the room like a lovesick puppy, internally debating whether you were dreading this or looking forward to it. As soon as you had both dropped your luggage, she disappeared into the bathroom without another word. You didn’t miss the fact that she did not even attempt to close the door.

Two single beds. You breathed a sigh of relief. No awkward there-was-only-one-bed situation. Or maybe you felt a bit of disappointment. Maybe- No. This needed to stop. You were going crazy. You were supposed to do a job on this promo tour, be professional, maybe make friends with the band if you were lucky, but instead, you were falling deeper and deeper and it all ended with the fact that you had never felt this way about anyone else. It pained you to think that Victoria wasn’t feeling the same. And she definitely wasn’t - you were sure of that. She was a flirty person, she liked to touch and kiss those around her, but none of it went deeper than that. And you were going to have to accept it for what it was.

You were still in the middle of convincing yourself of not feeling anything more than friendship for Victoria when she emerged from the bathroom. Wearing nothing but a pair of panties. It was in that moment you knew you would never get over her.

“VIc, you need to stop doing this.”

Her face fell immediately, going from overly cheeky - which seemed to be her default expression these days - to genuinely concerned. Concerned, and confused. She was by your side in an instant, holding you by your upper arms, seemingly searching your face for answers.

“Do what?”

The direct question was filled with a softness that almost brought tears to your eyes. For a second you contemplated taking it back, changing the topic, and ignoring how emotionally draining the past days had been, but one look into her eyes told you that you needed to be honest with her. Now or never.

“You need to stop touching me. You need to stop riling me up at every opportunity, you need to stop teasing me and brushing up against me because-” The words seemed trapped in your throat. Victoria had moved away, immediately adhering to your request to stop touching you and you hated it. You wanted her hands back on you, you wanted all of her on you. One more deep breath. “Because I cannot stop thinking about kissing you. And I’m not talking about a little friendly peck. I’m talking about kissing the ever-loving shit out of you now and forever.”

It happened so fast. Victoria was on you before you had even finished your last words, lips pressed to yours in a heated and hurried manner, arms wrapping around you to press her body against yours. You reacted as if on autopilot, as if your body knew what to do simply because it had been waiting for it. Your hands tangled themselves in her hair as you responded eagerly to her kiss, before running them down her cheeks and to her neck.

This was nothing like the time she kissed you in the bar in Berlin. That time didn’t even come close to what was happening now. If your heart had been beating before, it was pounding out of your chest now. You thought that for as long as she promised to put her mouth on yours anytime you asked, you would be invincible.

The kiss ended rather slowly. A few pecks and staying close, breath fanning on each other’s faces, eyes still shut for a while until you two managed to separate. Victoria’s smirk was back, tenfold and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Imagined anything like that?”

“You know I did,” you admitted, feeling slightly shy all of a sudden.

“Honestly, though,” Vic said, brushing your hair from your face in the most tender motion. “I’m sorry I put you in a weird position. I think my way of flirting just didn’t work on you.”

“Oh, it worked alright,” you laughed. “I just wasn’t sure you meant it that way. Especially when you kissed me that night and then proceeded to kiss everyone.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t clever. I think I was just scared because you didn’t react so I tried to play it off.”

Victoria pushed another kiss onto your lips, sweet and short and full of reassurance, then promptly hugging you with a force that sent both of you tumbling onto one of the beds. Laughing with all your heart, you pushed her off you but made sure she never strayed too far. You couldn’t help but be amused at the state you were both in, faces heated up and giggly, you fully clothed while Victoria was still lounging in nothing but a pair of black panties.

“For God’s sake, Victoria put some clothes on,” you mocked her, even though you both knew there was no reason for you to mind it anymore.

“You know, I think it’s quite fitting,” she contemplated instead. “It started and ended with my boobs out.”

#maneskin #victoria de angelis #maneskin imagine #maneskin fiction #victoria de angelis x reader #victoria de angelis x you #maneskin x reader #maneskin x you #victoria de angelis fiction #victoria de angelis imagine #my writings

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lo-frequency · 4 years ago

Note

Hi I love your blogand your writinh so much it's so good!

Could I request a shoto/denki and toga x chubby reader (if you're not comfortable writing with toga you can just to denki and shoto) thanks!

Fortunately for you, anon, I did them all! (and it's kinda long, so my bad lol) Also, there's mention of insecurity in Toga's, but it quickly turns to fluff. As always, please enjoy!

Denki

-Believe it or not, Denki was nervous to confess to you because he was afraid of being rejected. You’re so cute and cool and that he was sure there’s no way you actually returned his feelings. It was worth a shot, tho. So imagine his joy when you said you felt the same way :)

-Rants about you all the time to his friends, to the point where they feel like they know you personally before you’ve even met. They also get to hear all the tmi stories about what the two of you do alone, because he can’t help himself (if they don’t walk away first, lol).

-He knew you looked squishy before, but couldn’t believe how soft your skin was when he finally got to hold you. It was almost unfair. He often finds himself caressing your skin mindlessly whenever you’re close together, hand always ghosting across your arm or hand (or your thigh ;) ).

-Lays back on you to play video games, his head cushioned by your pillowy chest and the rest of his body situated between your legs as you watch him play. Play in his hair or rub his arms and he will fall asleep. The tingly feeling he gets when cuddling with you is his favorite kind of electricity.

-Zaps your butt “by accident”

-Easily flustered, but he tries to play it off with his cool act. Just kiss his cheek or tell him he’s handsome and watch him ramble about knowing he’s “irresistible” until he flushes red up to his ears.

-Denki can be pretty corny at times but he does have his serious moments, mostly when you two are alone together. He shows you what’s beneath his goofy facade, a boy with dreams and aspirations just like everyone else. After seeing this side of him, it’s a little irritating to hear people reduce him to an idiot (although he does have his moments 💀)

-Them thighs tho 😏 “Dang babe, you been working out?” “Not really, Kaminari” He clucks his tongue. “Sheesh, imagine being that thicc...naturally” he says, shaking his head as if it were a shame.

-Truly believes he has the best s/o in the whole school. Does not take offense to being called a simp 🤷🏾‍♀️.

-Wasn’t aware of it at first, but became super attracted to people with your same body type. His eyes always lingered on them in public, and he couldn’t help but think they were kinda hot (sorry, y/n)

-Very affectionate, but loves to receive as much as give, so please give this man plenty of kithes and hugs, he gets the shakes if he doesn’t get his daily dose of Y/n love.

-Y’all are so silly together, always cracking jokes or giggling about something. You eventually develop a similar sense of humor, and have so many inside jokes people can’t decipher your conversation. If anybody has anything negative to say about y’all: Denki puts his hand over his earpiece and says to you (from right next to him) “Pikachu to Big Sexy, I’m picking up some negative vibes on the radar, do you copy?” And you, holding your hand up to your own ear, say “Affirmative, doing a diagnostic scan...it’s a hater, confirmed.” Cue the obnoxious laughter, lmaoo

-Never forgets the anniversaries or relationship milestones. He even remembers the date of yall’s first kiss, and thinks about it every time the date passes (although he wouldn’t tell you that tho, that would be too sappy, even for him).

Shoto

-The way you and Shoto became acquainted was a little unorthodox. You fell on him during a training session one day, and the feeling of your soft body pressed against his was a new experience for him, to put it mildly. Shoto stood up from it a changed man. Call it an awakening, if you will.

-You were a little put off by all his staring since that incident, thinking he didn’t like you despite all your profuse apologies. But after Izuku dropped hints that it was probably fascination rather than contempt, your relationship progressed smoothly from there (thanks mostly to your efforts, since Shoto had no clue how to approach you).

-Shoto still had a staring problem once y’all became official, too. Whenever you asked him what he was looking at, he was not ashamed to tell you exactly why: you are too fine not to stare (ok, maybe he didn’t say it exactly like that)

-Not overly affectionate in public, but has a tendency to always stand or sit close to you whenever he can. Just sharing the same space is intimate to him.

-Sharing a bowl of soba noodles 💕

-Buys you expensive gifts all the time, and loves to see you using them. Especially if it’s clothes, it’s like a piece of him is always with you even when you’re not together (plus, it shows you’re all his ;) ).

-Now, I’m gonna tell y’all a little secret. It’s pretty shocking, so be warned: Shoto sometimes pretends to be oblivious when you hint at wanting affection, just to make you beg for it. Maybe you brush your hand against his, and he moves it. Or maybe he saw you lean for a kiss and he casually turns the other way just to hear you complain. He likes it, makes him feel wanted.

-Devious, I know, but just get even 😏

-When y’all are alone, he loves when you hold him close and just sit there, peacefully enjoying each other’s presence. He also likes to lay on your lap while reading a book or watching tv with you, slowly nodding off as you comb your fingers through his hair.

-Obsessed with you, but not in an unhealthy way, it’s just that you’ve become such a big part of his life that he kinda...thinks about you all the time. Shoto is canonically not very talkative, but I think that with you, he’d open up more about his true thoughts and feelings. So when he shoots you that blank stare when his classmates are up to some bull, you know exactly what it means.

-Also revels in knowing you that well, too. He’d flex how much he knows about you to the other people and sometimes unintentionally embarrasses you in the process

-For example: “Here Y/n, a cherry popsicle just for you!” Shoto immediately hands you some napkins before adding “Y/n doesn’t usually eat cherry popsicles, they always drop the red juice on their clothes.” Like gee, good looking out Shoto...thanks for telling the whole class I can’t eat without messing up my clothes 💀. He’s sweet tho, he has good intentions.

Toga

-She made it very clear from the beginning that she liked you, and with how smitten she was, who were you to refuse her (aggressive) advances?

- She thought your plump figure was just so cute, one of the cutest things she’d ever seen, and she quickly developed an unhealthy obsession with squeezing your chub.

-When you two are together, Toga is always attached to you in some way, whether she’s hanging off your arm or has her arms looped around your shoulders.

-Starts to eat the same foods you eat, borrow your clothes all the time, listen to your favorite artists, whatever way she could become closer to you

-Writes you love letters or sends you cute text messages all the time, you’re always on her mind, even when she’s on missions. “My Y/n is wayy cuter than you! Let’s get this over quick so I go back to them, ok? 🥰 🔪🔪”

-I know y’all were waiting for this...she most definitely uses her quirk on you. Toga loves you so much, she wants to become you. So one day, you finally allow her to give it a try.

-She tells you to close your eyes, and when she gives you permission to open them, you find yourself staring...yourself in the face. And you do not like it 🤢. There’s something so strange about seeing yourself in 3rd person, in all dimensions. Is this how you look to her, all the time? You quickly lose interest in this little charade, looking everywhere but at yourself as Toga prances around doing sexy poses in your body and giggling. However, when she sees your reaction, she stops.

- “Hm? What’s wrong, Y/n?” she asks with a tilt of (your) her head. You glance at yourself, then look away again. “This is so weird. I don’t like looking at myself” you say, grimacing at the slight bounce and jiggle of your body when she walks toward you.

-In Toga’s eyes, you were absolutely adorable. In fact, she was getting a little hot and bothered just taking peeks at herself (you) in the mirror. She’s used to feeling you up for sure, but being you was a whole other experience. Though, she can understand your insecurity. After all, it’s hard to live in a world that constantly tells you your true self is abnormal. She knows from experience.

-So, she comes up to you with a flirty grin on her face...and starts showering you with kisses, in your body! You start to protest, weirded out by the feeling of your own lips on your cheeks but she would not relent. Toga was determined to show you what being loved (by you) felt like from her perspective, with your irresistible “imperfections” and all 💕

Thanks for tuning in! :)

#bnha x chubby reader #chubby reader #x chubby reader #mha x chubby reader #todoroki x chubby reader #toga x chubby reader #denki x chubby reader #bnha x reader #bnha x gn!reader #plus size reader #todoroki x reader #toga x reader #himiko toga x reader #denki x reader #bnha x plus size reader #bnha headcanons

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kimvvantae · 4 years ago

Text

puzzle; 8 (FINAL)

➜ you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex

rating: 18+

word count: 16k

A/N: finally the last chapter! i am actually feeling very emotional right now. i enjoyed writing puzzle so much and it received so much love since the beginning! your feedback always kept me motivated to write. thank you so much to everyone that followed these two dorks and waited patiently for every update. i hope we can meet again in future works!

hmmm, a little rec?? but i listened to sweet night by taehyung as i wrote this chapter. maybe listening to it will enhance your experience too!

enjoy!

➜ Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

You don’t know how long it has been until Taehyung finds you.

It’s cold. The tears have finally come to a halt, but you’re still sobbing and sniffling. You should probably get up and go home. It’s late. Not safe to be alone on the street like this. You should probably call an uber or something.

Yet, every time you think of Jungkook’s tears, it seems that your own eyes well up with tears all over again.

What makes you snap back into reality is the sound of shoes walking down the stairs.

You get up in a jump, feeling your legs ache in the process, and turn around to see the person you least expected to see right now. Taehyung stops some steps ahead. The light pole behind him marks his silhouette with a halo.

“I finally found you,” he says after a few seconds. He sounds hesitant but somehow relieved.

It makes your heart clench even more.

You make an immense effort to speak, as if words ran over inside your throat and made it stuck. Well, they did, in a sense.

“Taehyung, w-what…?” is all you can stutter. You don’t really need to finish the sentence. What are you doing here? Why did you come after me even though I hurt you?

He looks down and caresses the back of his neck. You notice that he’s nervously fiddling with his car keys on the other hand. Oh. He probably didn’t want to be around you, either.

“Well, you ran away down the street like that. I got worried.”

You shouldn’t.

“It’s… not safe to be by yourself on the street like this. I’m taking you home.”

Please, don’t be kind to me.

It will be much harder if you’re being kind to me.

“Taehyung, I…” you feel yourself squeezing your purse against you, just as nervous as he is. You don’t want to bother him with your presence anymore. “I was about to call an uber. You don’t need to…”

“It’s alright. I’m already here anyway.” He starts to walk up the stairs again without looking back. Without giving you a chance to disagree. “Let’s go.”

It seems that your legs forgot how to walk as you watch him. You don’t want to get inside his car. You don’t want to face him, not right now.

When Taehyung reaches the top of the stair alley, he finally looks back at you in silence.

That’s when you realize that you have to face him. You were never one to run away from the consequences of your actions.

The newest consequence is staring back at you in quiet sadness.

You inhale deeply before going after him.

An awful silence hovers in the air during the entire ride home.

You can’t help but shrink on the passenger’s seat, hugging your own arms tight, your head leaning on the window. Taehyung does not make any attempt to engage a conversation. His presence is suffocating.

Something cold sets in your stomach when he parks the car in front of your apartment’s building. There’s nothing out there to distract you anymore. Nowhere else to run to.

You inhale again.

“Thank you.” you say softly.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything as he rests his hands on his lap. You watch him intently as he gulps, his eyes glued in something ahead.

“So.” He starts, his voice as low as yours. This is painful. It was never your intention to put him in that situation, never. “I don’t want to take a drunk man seriously.”

It’s your turn to gulp. You really really don’t want to explain everything to him in detail. “Mike is a son of a bitch. He got it all wrong.”

“It seems that he got one thing right, though. Judging by Jungkook’s reaction.”

It’s getting difficult to breathe again.

Taehyung turns his head slowly to look at you.

“Are you guys…?”

You honestly feel like jumping out the window, but your feelings for Taehyung make you stay still. He’s a kind friend. He deserves to hear it clearly.

So you take a deep breath before speaking.

“Jungkook and I, we… we were never a real thing. Not really.” It hurts to say this out loud. It seems that you can still hear his broken voice…

There was never anything real happening, right? We were never real.

“B-But recently I realized that I have feelings for him.”

Taehyung nods slowly and sinks on the driver's seat. He rests his chin on his hand, letting a shaky deep breath out.

“Why did you call me today, then?”

“To tell you the truth.”

He gasps softly and shakes his head again. Taehyung has completely broken eye contact with you and his body language looks protective - building an almost visible wall between you and him in seconds.

“Wow. It seems that I was the one who got it all wrong.”

You feel like touching him to give him even a little bit of comfort, yet you know that you’re his main discomfort in the moment. You turn your body in his direction, pleading.

“Taehyung, it wasn’t meant to happen this way. I didn’t want to hurt you, not at all. I know that an apology won't be enough...”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He cuts you. His voice sounds strange, so different from how he has ever talked to you. He’s very quiet, but you can feel the anger and hurt lying underneath. “We never had anything anyway. I was the delusional one here.”

No, not again. You don’t think you can take more guilt for one night. You didn’t just delude him going on that date; you deluded him every time you talked, every time you texted each other. Taehyung saw something more when there was nothing at all - he felt something more, and you were too confused with your own feelings for Jungkook to notice what you were doing.

“Taehyung…”

“I’m feeling very ashamed right now.” He admits with a shaky exhale. “Could you…?”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, but you know very well what he meant. Leave.

You nod and open the door into the cold night. You still stand there on the sidewalk hesitantly for a few seconds before whispering a shy “I’m sorry”. Taehyung doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even look your way.

When you shut the door, you know very well that from now on, your friendship with Taehyung is also shut.

You’ll miss him really bad.

It feels like you can barely carry the weight of your own body as you slowly make your way to your apartment - which is weird, because you feel empty right now.

Your apartment isn’t as empty as you expected when you open the door, though. Seulgi is standing on the kitchen counter and she smiles wide when she sees you. She looks excited in a way she hasn’t been in months; it seems that she’s about to say something.

Her smile dies as she sees your puffy face and your red nose and eyes.

“Y/N, what happened…?”

For some reason, when you look at her, you start crying again.

Seulgi wides her eyes and runs to where you’re standing, shocked and confused - probably because you have never cried in front of her yet. Never.

“Oh my God, Y/N! What happened?!”

You can’t answer because the sobs won’t let you. You can just rest your face on Seulgi’s shoulder as she hugs you, patting your back. She is so confused that she can’t really think of anything else to do.

After a few minutes of restless crying, Seulgi manages to lead you to sit on the couch and runs back to the kitchen to take a glass of water. She sits by your side and hands you the glass, caressing your hair sweetly.

“Can you talk now, babe? What happened?” She asks again quietly as you try to drink a little bit of water.

You wipe the tears away once again and sniff. This place reminds you of him way too much. It feels that he belongs here, even though it’s not his home. And maybe… maybe he won’t ever step inside, ever again.

“I-It’s J-Jungkook.” it’s hard to speak between the sobs.

“Did you guys fight?” You nod weakly. “Was it that bad?”

Yes. Yes, it was.

After months of pretending, you finally open up to Seulgi. There’s no reason to keep this from her anymore. After Mike’s scandal, that’s probably everything the whole campus will be talking about in the next few days (you saw a lot of familiar faces at the bar).

It seems that Seulgi’s eyes will pop out of her face as you speak.

She stares at you, jaw dropped in pure shock.

“You and Jungkook what?!” is the first thing she exclaims. “Since when?!”

You rest your back on the couch and gaze at the ceiling. The sobs have finally stopped, at least. “Do you remember when I broke up with Mike? When we went to that club?”

“Yes, and you spent the night out…” Seulgi trails off as realization hits her. She stares at you as if you’ve grown a second head. “That guy you were talking about was Jungkook?!”

You just nod.

Seulgi gasps and rests her back on the couch right by your side, your arms touching. She’s speechless for a while.

“But, like… how many times?”

“I don’t know.” She gasps again.

“That many times?”

You nod. “It was almost daily at some point.”

It seems that she can’t close her jaw anymore. “Where?”

“Here. His apartment. His car.” You frown. “Sometimes a cheap hotel downtown, when you and Jimin were both home.”

Seulgi stays quiet for a little longer.

You side eye her. “You didn’t suspect?”

She shakes her head slowly. “I thought you guys were acting strange for a while now, but I never thought this was going on.” She looks back at you. “Did someone know?”

“Jimin caught us once.” you decide to omit where he caught you. It’s embarrassing to say that you fucked inside Joy’s bathroom out loud and it makes you feel even worse. “But he promised to not tell anyone."

Back to silence. You can almost hear the engines inside Seulgi’s brain trying to process everything you just told her.

“But why did you guys fight?”

You take a deep breath before telling her the rest. Taehyung, Joy, Mike, Yeri. It’s quite painful to explain, but it’s also relieving.

If you thought Seulgi looked shocked before, now it looks like she just found out that Santa is real.

She completely turns her body in your direction, eyes super wide. “Do you like Jungkook?”

You nod softly, staring at your own fingers.

“It’s more than just liking him.” You admit sheepishly.

Then she’s quiet for a long, long time. You decide to finally look up at her.

Now you’re surprised.

“Why the hell are you smiling?”

Seulgi hides her mouth with both hands - as if this wouldn’t let you see the big ass grin on her lips. “I’m sorry. It’s… it’s cute.”

“Cute?” you quirk one eyebrow. “My suffering is cute to you?”

“That’s not what I mean.” she waves her hand dismissively. “I always kind of shipped you two, okay? It’s just that you two looked really good together and you always had such good chemistry and all. But I tried to stop thinking this because, you know, I thought it was wrong to assume that a man and a woman can’t be just friends… and it never looked like you had feelings for him, not at all.”

You stare at her as if she has a second head growing now. “You shipped us?”

“You can’t judge me.”

You cross your arms and sink on the couch even more. This is kind of shocking. “You never thought I liked him?”

Seulgi shakes her head. “Never. Jungkook, though…”

You turn your head to look at her so fast that your neck almost breaks. “What about him?”

She hesitates a little bit before speaking. “Well, sometimes… sometimes I caught him looking at you in some type of way.”

There it is again. The fast beating of your heart. It’s ridiculous that, even though you’re this miserable, you still feel this spark of happiness inside of you.

For fuck’s sake, Y/N! I’m in love with you!

You press your lips tight in an attempt to hold back the uninvited smile. It’s not appropriate to feel happy now; it feels that you don’t even have the right to feel happy at all. But his confession is hitting you just now. Hitting you like a truck.

God, if only you could go back in time. If only you could just make him shut the fuck up and listen to you. Why did he have to be so damn dramatic?

I love you too, dumbass! Now stop being a cry baby and kiss me!

What if Jungkook never gives you a chance to explain yourself? He can be hard-headed when he wants to. What if Jungkook never lets you get close to him again, what if your intimacy finally dies, what if you get so distant that when you’re in the same room you can’t bear each other’s presence anymore? What if from now on, there won’t be any Jungkook to steal your fries when you’re not looking, or to let you steal his clothes even though he pretends he doesn’t know you’re taking them, or to help you understand a difficult assignment, or to annoy you because he’s bored at 4AM, or to tell you the things no one else would be brave enough to tell you or to just be there when you needed someone the most?

Your brain can’t even comprehend what life without Jungkook is.

A mix of despair and hurry makes you get up in a jump.

“I’m going to his apartment.” Your breath is irregular, adrenaline taking control of your actions. “I-I need to talk to him now.”

“Hey, hey!” Seulgi gets up in a jump and puts her hands on your shoulders, forcing you to stop. “Y/N, you’re not okay. And you said Jungkook is drunk. Do you really think you’ll manage to have a civilized conversation right now? He’s probably still angry, maybe he won’t even listen to you.”

“I don’t care. I’ll shout on his door until he listens to me.”

Seulgi holds you in place again when you try to free yourself from her grip. “This is not a good idea and you know it.” She looks at you very seriously. “Take a shower, Y/N. Go to sleep. Tomorrow you’ll both be cold-headed and able to talk.”

“B-But,” you feel the tears coming back. Fuck. You hold Seulgi’s arms weakly. “But he needs to know the truth. He needs to know I like him back.”

The black-haired girl frowns. “Like him back…?”

You nod and look down. “He… he said that he’s in love with me.”

“Really?!” Seulgi huffs and taps your forehead lightly. “Then why are you so desperate?! He loves you back, dummy!”

“But I’m scared, Seulgi.” You sniff.

She rolls her eyes and pushes you into another hug. “Everything will be okay, Y/N. There’s no need to be worried. You already know the most important. Tomorrow you go talk to him, alright?” She chuckles softly. “Never thought I’d see you acting like this.”

You sniff again. “Now you understand how it is to deal with a stupid lovesick roommate.”

“Ouch.” You notice how she pats your back a bit aggressively. “But for real, Y/N… I’ll always be thankful for what you did today to me and Irene. Even though it was none of your business. And I’ll probably beat you up if you ever intervene in my life like that again-”

“Wow, I really see how you’re thankful, Seul.” She chuckles again.

"And I'm kind of offended that you hid this from me for so long."

"We promised we wouldn't tell anyone about this!"

"Alright, alright." She sighs. “I love you so much, you crackhead. And Jungkook loves you, too. You don’t need to be sad anymore, okay? Just take a shower and go to sleep now.”

You nod weakly.

Maybe she’s right. You’ll have enough time to talk to him tomorrow.

But you don’t think you’ll get any sleep right now.

***

[you]: jungkook

[you]: can we talk?

[you]: we really really need to talk

[you]: can i go to your place?

[you]: please

[you]: i know you’re reading

[you]: stop ignoring me

[you]: jungkook

[you]: JUNGKOOK

You sigh heavily. This is so frustrating. He didn’t even leave you on read - you’re sure he’s just reading the texts on the notifications and swiping them away. He didn’t block your number, which is a good sign, but this is already getting on your nerves. You’ve been texting since early in the morning (because you couldn’t sleep) and it’s already 5PM.

“He’s ignoring my texts.” You whine to Seulgi as you enter the living room.

“You said he had things to do today, right? Maybe he’s actually busy.” She says as she checks her makeup on the mirror. It’s been a long time since you saw her getting all pretty like this; she did her nails, made curls on her hair, put on that green skirt she bought months ago but never wore it. This is what being happy and in love looks like. Pretty, well-dressed, nice hair, healthy skin and all.

Meanwhile, your hair looks like a bird nest, you’re wearing the ugly Naruto t-shirt you have since middle school, your entire face is swollen and you have bags under your eyes. This is also what being in love looks like, unfortunately.

“Why don’t you just go to his apartment already?”

“You told me not to do it.”

“I told you not to do it yesterday. Today he’s not drunk anymore.”

You cross your arms. “I’m… I’m still kind of nervous.”

Seulgi turns around and looks at you and quirks her eyebrow. There’s the ghost of a smirk on her lips. “I never thought I’d see you nervous because of anyone. You look like a teenager…”

"I swear to God, if you say that you think I look cute one more time I'll fucking kill you."

Seulgi laughs and runs to you again, putting her hands on your shoulders. "Y/N, do you remember how you were always telling me that I was complicating simple things?"

"Yes."

She lifts her eyebrows. "So."

You roll your eyes and huff. "But it's not that easy!"

"Now you understand how I felt, huh?" Her eyes soften again. "For real, though. If you show up at his door he won't ignore you, I'm sure. Just go."

You sigh again and nod. "You're right. Just… let me build some courage, okay?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" She looks a bit worried. "I could go out with Irene another day."

"No, no. Go on your date." You wave your hands. "I'm not gonna die. Also, your pussy must be dusty after so long-"

She smacks your shoulder a bit too strongly as you let yourself laugh for the first time today.

When Seulgi leaves, you still stand in the middle of the living room for a good while. Like a Sim whose action has just been cancelled.

Whoever is playing you is really evil for putting all the wrong people in the wrong places past night.

You know that you’re not being rational. You should have gone to his house a long time ago… but something holds you back. Perhaps because now there’s no turning back. You know what you feel for Jungkook and you know what he feels for you - your relationship got completely out of its comfort zone, and now you can’t even pretend anymore. Things won’t ever be the same.

Maybe Jungkook is ignoring you because he’s embarrassed of what Mike did. He basically exposed you two in front of his friends. Sure, that’s none of no one’s business, but still… Jungkook didn’t want anyone to know about it in the first place.

You stare at your phone for a good while. Your reflection on the phone’s screen stares back at you in disgust.

For the hundredth time today, you unlock it and open Jungkook’s number. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard hesitantly.

[you]: jungkook i know youre mad at me and you have all the rights to be but

You frown and delete the text. It doesn’t sound good.

[you]: can you stop being dramatic and just text me back already?

You feel tempted to send this one, but if Jungkook’s angry, this will only make the situation worse. You sigh and try again one more time

[you]: i just really want to talk. you didnt let me speak last night. i know youre probably busy but please. i wont take much of your time

This one sounds about right. You tap the send button.

Then, your fingers mindlessly type one more text. It makes your heart beat fast just looking at it.

[you]: i love you too

You want to send this one so bad.

But you don’t.

Because this isn’t something to be told by text.

Coward! the angry voice of your consciousness yells in your mind. Stop being a coward! You’re an evolved human being, not a stupid teenager! Get this ass up the couch and go meet him!

You get up in a jump.

“I’m not a coward!” you say out loud. If you weren’t this out of your mind, you would have noticed how stupid it was to scream encouraging words by yourself in the living room.

But you don’t care right now.

You don’t care that your face is all puffy and the dark circles around your eyes make you look like a raccoon. You don’t care that you’re wearing your ulgy Naruto t-shirt with old ketchup stains, and you don’t care that you’re wearing the sweatpants that fall down your butt as you walk, and you don’t care that your hair looks like a living animal.

You just straight out leave your home and march to his. Flip flops and all.

Your heart beats at a stupid race as you walk, the sun already disappearing behind the buildings. The anxious part of your brain keeps reminding you that you don’t know what to say when you meet him and you don’t know what his reaction will be, but you shut this whiny voice up. Being with Jungkook always meant that you didn’t have to think a lot in the first place. Being with him is natural, it takes no effort. When you see him you’ll know what to say. You’re sure.

Yet, you can’t help but feel more and more nervous as you enter his apartment building (you never needed to ask permission to enter). You close your hands in fists, gulp multiple times, your heartbeat sounds like drums on your ears.

Your hand hovers over the door.

“Shit,” you whisper to yourself. It’s real. It’s happening. Come on. Don’t be a coward.

After taking one more deep breath, you finally knock on the door.

There’s noise inside. Steps. Fuck, you’re shaking.

You hear the sound of the door unlocking and you hold your breath ready to face him-

Jimin.

He widens his eyes and blinks.

“Oh. Hi, Jimin.” you say awkwardly. Why is he looking at you this way? “Hm, is Jungkook home?”

Jimin looks hesitant for a moment.

“No.”

It’s your turn to widen your eyes. So that’s why he isn't texting you back. This makes you a bit relieved.

“Is… is he working?” You can’t hide your disappointment.

“Not yet. He starts tomorrow.”

You put your hands on your waist and walk from side to side as Jimin just watches you in silence.

“Jimin, at what time he’ll be home tomorrow? Do you think it’ll be too late in the night? I really need to talk to him, but that fucker keeps ignoring my texts.”

You don’t like the face Jimin is making now.

You really don’t like it.

He scratches the back of his neck and frowns. “He… he didn’t tell you?”

This makes you stop.

“Tell me what?”

Jimin exhales and gulps.

“He told you that he’ll start working for Mr. Choi, right? That director.”

“Yes.” Each word of his makes you more and more worried.

“So… this project he’s involved in…” Jimin licks his lips before continuing. “It’s overseas.”

You stare at him in silence as this information sinks in.

“Overseas?! Are you telling me he fucking left the country?!”

“Yes.”

You can’t believe what you just heard.

“B-But- yesterday Jungkook and I were planning to go out! This makes no sense!”

“Well,” Jimin looks hesitant again. “In fact, his flight is tomorrow morning, but he left earlier because we kind of had an argument.” He sends you an apologetic gaze. “He was drunk yesterday and all and I was trying to calm him down and I might have accidentally let it slip that I knew about you two, and this kinda pissed him off even more because, well, he was drunk and you know how Jungkook gets stupid when he’s drunk, so I think he left to his parent’s house and he’ll head to the airport tomo- wait, are you crying?!”

You sniff and hide your face behind your hands.

“Oh my God,” Jimin sounds confused and borderline panicked as he watches you start sobbing again. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“B-Because h-he-!” you can’t fucking speak anymore.

Jimin puts a hand on your back and guides you to sit on the couch. He brings some tissues and pats your back awkwardly as you cry and sob like stupid.

“W-Why didn’t he tell me he was l-leaving?” you ask yourself.

Jimin sighs. “Y/N, it’s not like he’s leaving forever. It’s just for this project. He’ll be back by the end of the week.”

“B-But he would’ve told me something so important!” You blow your nose. Jimin frowns. “I didn’t know this project was so huge! What, is it a movie or something?”

“It’s a music video.” You stare at Jimin in disbelief. “Jungkook has been around the recording studio with Namjoon and Yoongi a lot. He ended up meeting Mr. Choi, who has been directing some music videos for Big Hit Records’ artists. He liked Jungkook’s work and invited him to work as an assistant… I mean, the assistant of the assistant, as Jungkook himself said.”

You exhale, feeling your shoulders drop. “Why didn’t he tell me this?”

Jimin’s eyes soften. “Your friendship hasn’t been in the best shape these days, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was this bad.”

You rest your elbows on your legs and hide your face behind your hands again. You didn’t want to be crying this bad again, yet you just can’t stop. You don’t even know why you’re crying anymore. Jimin just caresses your back in silence as your sobs start quieting down.

“You were right,” you say at some point.

“What?”

“When you told me not to hurt him. I was hurting him and I didn’t even realize. I’m so stupid.”

Jimin tilts his head. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Y/N. You were both stupid.” You side eye him.

“Jungkook said that he’s in love with me.” This makes him quirk his eyebrows.

“Oh.”

“You don’t look very surprised.”

“I’m not.”

“Did… did he tell you?”

“No.”

“Was it that obvious?”

Jimin presses his lips together hesitantly. “Do you want me to comfort you or do you want me to be honest?”

“Be honest.”

“It was pretty fucking obvious that he’s in love with you. At least for me.”

You exhale and swipe your hands over your face. “I’m so stupid!” you repeat.

“Look, Y/N, to be honest, I think Jungkook is the most stupid. He was torturing himself with this fuck buddies thing, you know? He agreed to it in the first place. Everyone knows that this type of thing shouldn’t involve feelings, but he was the one to throw himself into it while he already had feelings.”

“It’s not like he’s the only one, though.”

Jimin seems about to say something, but he stops and stares at you, jaw-dropped.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

You rest your back on the couch. “I mean that I was also stupid enough to throw myself into it while having feelings.”

He’s quiet for a few more seconds.

“Do you mean that you like him back?”

You don’t answer.

Much like Seulgi, it looks like Jimin just discovered something world-shocking. “Since when? Have you liked him since the beginning?”

You sigh sadly.

“No, I haven’t. To me, it was just fun. Until I realized that he was getting too far from my reach and- and I realized that Jungkook has never been too far, never, and I don’t know what to do when he’s not around.” You sniff. You’re not talking to Jimin anymore at this point; you’re talking to yourself. “Y-You know, now that I think about it, I… I guess I understand why it was always so good. Not just because he fucks good or because of his big dick-”

“I don’t need to hear this, do I?” Jimin whines in disgust.

“-but because it was him.” One more tear rolls down your cheek. “It was good because it was with him.”

The way you always felt comfortable to be naked in front of him. How it was always lighthearted and fun and exciting. You had good sex with other people before, but never like this. Maybe because these other people didn’t have Jungkook’s handsome smile or because their eyes didn’t gleam with excitement the way his does or because they didn't smell like baby powder. Or maybe because it was never scary to be exposed in front of him because he already knew everything about you - there wasn’t really anything else to expose.

Jungkook felt like home.

Now, you feel homeless.

You wipe the tears away once more and look at Jimin-

“Why are you smiling?”

Doesn’t this scene look familiar?

“I’m sorry, it’s just that- wow, I don’t even know what to say.” Jimin doesn’t even try to hide his smile. “I’ve been waiting so long for this. Like, I kind of suspected that you had feelings for him, but I couldn’t be sure because you’re a hard bitch to read. To be honest, when I saw what you two were doing I wanted to kill you because you couldn’t be this blind to not realize how he feels about you-”

“Can you stop being honest for a moment?”

“Oh.” Jimin gulps, but he can’t stop smiling. “I’m sorry.”

You sigh again and cross your arms. “What if he never lets me explain myself, Jimin?”

“Stop the drama.” Jimin’s voice hardens suddenly. “You two are very similar in this sense, you know? I’m sure that Jungkook will listen to whatever you have to say. And he’ll be away for just four days! It’s not like he’s leaving forever.”

You sit there in silence for some moments. You’re sure that if you tell that you’re scared to talk to Jungkook, he will probably beat you up. He never had that much patience.

Jimin exhales heavily and gets up. “Wait a minute.” You watch as he walks into Jungkook’s empty bedroom, frowning. He stays there for a little while. When he comes back to the living room, he stops in front of you and hands you something.

“Jungkook’s gonna kill me when he finds out, but I don’t care.”

“What is this-?”

“Just take it already. And watch it when you’re back home. It’s so personal that I got uncomfortable the first time I watched it.”

“Then why are you giving it to me-?”

“Just fucking take it, Y/N!”

You take the small device before Jimin makes you swallow it.

He smiles sweetly.

“Everything will be fine, okay? Don’t worry. I’m always right.”

You stare at the small black pen drive in between your fingers.

This time, you genuinely hope he’s right.

You had honestly forgotten how it feels to get drunk.

At the same time that the dizziness feels familiar, it's also hitting you like a truck. Your friends didn't believe you when you said that you'd stop drinking, yet you've been loyal to your word. Of course, it's not like you didn't drink anything in all those months, but a single beer isn't the same as a pack of beer.

The way your body's responding to the alcohol in your system isn't right. Your stomach is already tangling around itself, you can't walk a straight line from the couch to the kitchen counter without feeling that there's holes opening on the floor, and your thoughts are more incomprehensible than usual. You'd usually not get drunk so fast - and surely not with just beer. You're the girl that was still very sober after many tequila shots that time a random date of yours was trying to get you drunk - he ended up drunk after a few shots, of course, and you left the son of a bitch alone while he vomited on himself.

Being in love sure has changed you a lot.

Look, it's not the first time you drink to forget about your problems. You've been doing that since high school and you're tired of hearing Jungkook say how this behavior is unhealthy (he's right, as usual). This time, though, you're not forgetting about your problems, you're just thinking about them more.

It doesn't help that you're listening to Seulgi's playlist on Spotify called "i miss you irene." You laughed your ass off when you found out she really made a heartbreak playlist and named it like that. "You're torturing yourself, Seulgi," you told her. I mean, why would someone sad listen to songs that will only make them more sad?

Well.

Here you are now, laying on the carpet as Spending my Time by Roxette is blasting on the speakers.

People really knew how to write heartbreak songs back in the 90s.

"Fuck you, Jungkook." you mumble, staring at the ceiling. "I'm shoving alcohol up my ass. You can't tell me what to do."

Jungkook, that fucker. Why didn’t he listen to you? Why didn’t you shut him up? If there was a way to go back in time you’d do it. You wouldn’t have kissed Taehyung, you wouldn’t let him get the wrong impression. You wouldn’t have encouraged Jungkook to be with Joy. Fuck, if you could go back in time you would have woken up that first morning in Jungkook’s bed and said that it meant a lot to sleep with him, that you were willing to not be just friends anymore.

(Of course, back then you didn’t feel that way, but you’re drunk and sad. Give yourself a break.)

Now, you can’t tell him what you feel because he’s somewhere overseas. He probably bought new clothes for such an important occasion. You imagine him being in a real set for the first time, his eyes gleaming as he watches the staff working, him trying to hold his excited smile back because he’s supposed to look professional and-

You sniff. You have a stuffy nose. Fuck.

You're so drunk that you can't really control your actions anymore. If Seulgi were here, she would probably stop you. But she's not here. She's somewhere with Irene.

So you take your phone, tap the Instagram app and start typing.

[@you]: hell o 😅😂🤣😊

[@you]: its been a log time how u doing???

[@you]: what if we meeet????

And unfortunately, she replies.

[@yerimiese]: hi 🤗

[@yerimiese]: yeah, sure!

[@yerimiese]: when can we meet?

It’s the back pain that makes you wake up the next day because you slept on the floor. You’re dizzy and confused, your poor brain trying to understand what’s happening, why you’re on the floor, why there’s so many empty beer cans around you and why your phone is flashing with notifications from last night.

When your sight finally adjusts to the light your phone screen produces, your eyes widen and you stand up in a jump, making your back ache even more.

Did you seriously DM Yeri and she seriously agreed to meet you?!

It’s currently 11:40 AM - and you agreed to meet at noon.

You run to your bedroom so fast that it makes you dizzy and you end up hitting your hip against the doorframe and it feels like you fucking broke it. You just have time to wear the first clean clothes you see laying around, tie your hair up and run to take the first bus you see.

You could’ve just told Yeri that you weren’t going anymore, of course, even though she agreed to meet you and it would’ve been kind of rude. You know it’s going to be the most awkward moment ever to see her after so long, especially now that you have feelings for her ex. Gosh - you’re already feeling so much embarrassment that you feel like jumping out of the bus and running back home. Why the fuck do you always end up doing stupid things when you’re drunk?!

But again - it’s that same chaotic side of you that makes you stay inside the bus and meet her. This chaotic side takes a good portion of your personality, it just gets more outgoing when you’re drunk. The same chaotic side that made you start some friends with benefits bullshit with your best friend just because you liked the idea of not being caught and the same chaotic side that made you passive aggressively flirt with Taehyung when you didn’t really want anything with him-

How the fuck did your friends even stand you?!

You’re forced to stop the existential crisis when you see that you arrived at the park. You feel a shiver run down your spine.

Yeri is sitting on the bus stop.

She looks prettier than you remember; her hair is short and blonde now, which makes her look more mature. Yeri was always one to walk around well dressed, but right now it feels almost humiliating that she's all pretty when you literally look like a scarecrow.

She smiles awkwardly and gets up. You didn't even say anything yet and it already feels awkward.

"I’m so sorry, Yeri,” is the first thing you say as you approach each other. “Did I make you wait too long?”

“No! It’s alright. I also got a little bit late.” She says, smiling prettily. Pretty is a word that overall describes her very well. “So, how you’re doing?”

“I’m doing fine!” You’re doing anything but fine at the moment. “What about you?”

“I’m fine, too.”

Silence.

My good Lord.

You start to regret all of your life choices right here and right now. You don’t see this girl in almost a year, you’re not close anymore, you know nothing about her life. Why the fuck did you even come anyway?! The awkwardness is so big that you can almost touch it.

There’s also a small and annoying thought that grows as you watch her - a thought you try very hard to ignore, but you can’t - that this is the girl Jungkook used to fuck before he started fucking you, that he used to go down on her and that he used to be inside of her and that those pretty lips of her once were around his cock and for some reason you start getting really angry-

“Do you wanna have a drink?” Yeri suddenly says.

You blink. “Hm… it’s 12PM.”

“And?” She quirks an eyebrow.

She’s perceptive, this one. Nothing’s better to break the ice than alcohol.

You don’t even know what you’re doing here anyway, so who cares?

“Sure. I know a bar nearby.”

Yeri slams the empty glass on the counter and stares at you, shocked.

“Mike did what?!”

You nod and swallow one more shot. Your tastebuds are so used (even calloused) from this bitter taste that you don’t even scowl as the drink slides down your throat. “Yeah. It seems that he was cheating on me for a while with that bitch. I caught them inside the lab.”

Yeri stares ahead. She looks speechless. “I will be honest… I heard that he was cheating on you, but I never thought this happened.” She shakes her head slowly. “Why the fuck were they inside a lab anyways? Are they stupid?”

“The lab was deactivated. That part of the science building was being renovated.” You sigh. Reviving those memories is kind of painful right now, especially after what Mike did to you some nights ago. Honestly, he could die and you wouldn’t care. “I was looking for him. His friends told me he went in that direction… well, kinda weird that they snitched on him like that. Maybe they really didn’t know. Anyways, I still don’t know how they got the key to the lab.”

Yeri nods. “Wow… I am really, really shocked. You guys were a pretty couple.” She gesticulates with her hand. “One more shot, please.”

“Me too, please.” You say.

The bartender looks at you two with visible worry. There’s no one else in the bar - who the fuck drinks so much this early? Wait, why is this bar even opened this early? - so he’s obviously hearing your whole conversation. You wonder what’s his opinion on your fucked up love life.

“Are you sure, girls? Shouldn’t you slow down a little bit?” He asks hesitantly.

You wave your hand dismissively. “Nah, we’re good.” You’re still not dizzy, just a little talkative. Getting drunk yesterday seemed to awaken all of your high tolerance superpowers. Pretty Yeri also isn’t one to get drunk that easily.

“We’re strong girls.” She reassures. The bartender shrugs as he prepares two more shots. “You seemed to like him a lot.”

“I did.” You admit.

“And he seemed to like you, too. I never expected that. Well… to be honest, Jungkook sometimes told me that he didn’t like Mike and that he was sure that he wasn’t a good guy.”

The sudden mention of his name makes you freeze. You realize that Yeri freezes, too. It seems that she’s also surprised for bringing him up like this. Yeri looks down at the new shot the bartender just placed in front of you two.

“It seems that he was right. As usual.” She finishes in a much lower voice, drinking her shot in one go.

This single sentence makes you realize that “Jungkook” is still a delicate topic for her. Of course it’d be - you don’t know much about their break up, but you sure know it was anything but friendly. Jungkook got pretty fucked up for a few weeks after their break up - and the fact that he refuses to talk about it to this day is enough of an indication.

Shit.

“Anyways, it didn’t stop there.” You decide to go back to your suffering for now, so she can get distracted. “The day before yesterday I bumped into him. He was drunk and made a scandal. Called me a bitch in front of everyone.”

Yeri gasps and looks at you wide eyed. “What? Please, tell me someone punched the fuck out of him!”

“Yeah, my friend did before I could.” You’re not telling her which friend, of course. “It was satisfying. Still made me feel really bad, though.”

“You shouldn’t. You did nothing wrong, Y/N. He’s the son of a bitch here.” Yeri reassures.

You nod and drink. “But enough of talking about my depressing love life. What about you?”

Yeri sighs, holding the small cup with both hands. “I’m doing fine, I guess. Didn’t really get serious with anyone yet. I’m seeing a guy, though. I don’t think I like him yet, but he’s about right. Who knows?” She says, shrugging.

You nod slowly. We’re getting into dangerous waters now. “I’m glad we’re both moving on, I guess.”

Yeri goes quiet for a while.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

A deep silence settles after this. You stare at the empty cup blankly, feeling the tension building up.

"I… have to be honest." Yeri starts quietly. "It was surprising that you called me after so long." She taps her nails on the counter slowly. "And I have the feeling that you called me for a very specific reason."

You nod slowly. She's not stupid. "You're right."

Yeri hesitates for a second. "You didn't… Jungkook didn't ask you to come here to talk to me, right?"

You almost gasp. Jungkook doesn't even dream that you're with her right now. "No, no. He didn't. You know I'm kinda nosy, but I have my limits too."

Yeri quirks her eyebrows and nods. You really hope that this tiny thing you saw deep in her eyes wasn't disappointment. You really hope that deep down Yeri doesn't still like him.

"So… why did you call me, then?"

You sigh. She came all this way just to meet you, so you have to at least be honest right now.

"I was drunk yesterday when I texted you."

"Oh." Yeri widens her eyes. "I thought there was something wrong with you by the way you were texting."

You chuckle. "But… I did call you because of Jungkook, somehow." You say carefully, She stiffens. "I know it's kinda cruel to do this. If you want to simply leave or if you want to slap me, I won't judge you. But… we had a really ugly fight these days and I don't know what to do. I was hoping that maybe… maybe you could help me understand him."

Yeri goes very, very quiet after this.

"Did you guys fight because of me?" She asks after a while.

"No and yes." Yeri was one of the things that got you overthinking anyways. "I… I really need to know. Again, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. But… why did you guys break up?"

Yeri turns her head slowly to look at you. There's something very serious and hardened on her eyes.

"He never told you." It wasn't a question. You shake your head. "Well, I figured he wouldn't." She looks back to the cup between her hands; you can see she's thinking hard. "Y/N, I always admired your friendship with him. What you have is something truly special. Maybe you won't want to know why. Maybe I don't want to tell you because I don't want to destroy your friendship."

"My relationship with Jungkook won't ever go back to what it used to be anyways. I don't care."

Yeri looks surprised. She still hesitates for some moments - what makes your blood boil in expectation - but finally sighs and nods.

"Alright, then." She crosses her arms. "I broke up with him because of you."

You stare at her, jaw dropped.

"What? What did I do?" You ask, genuinely confused.

"You did nothing." She chuckles drily. "That's why I couldn't hate you, you know. And I tried to hate you really hard."

You don't know what to say. Some girls Jungkook had some sort of relationship with were very jealous of you, you knew, but Yeri was different. "Were you… were you jealous of me and him? But Yeri- you know we weren't like that."

This is not a lie. You weren't like that while they still dated. You were too stupidly in love with Mike to notice the person that was standing right by your side all along.

"I know." She nods. "I know you didn't. But Jungkook did."

You freeze.

"What?"

Yeri finally looks at you again - clear sadness on her eyes.

"Jungkook loves you. Not in a way a friend does."

You’re absolutely speechless.

Your heart is beating so fast that you think you’re about to faint. Your brain malfunctions and it seems that you lost the ability to speak for a few moments. This shouldn’t shock you - Jungkook confessed his feelings himself not long ago, and Jimin also said how he knew about Jungkook’s feelings - goddamn, even Seulgi noticed it a little bit. But back then? When he was still dating Yeri?

“B-But Yeri-” you hate the way you’re stuttering and you hate how Yeri is telling you something she obviously doesn’t like, but you still feel so fucking happy and fuzzy inside. “Jungkook was in love with you. I’m sure.”

“I thought so, too. And he thought he was in love with me.” Yeri stares ahead again, and in this moment you realize that yes, it still hurts her. “You know… Jungkook was too much like a dream.” She chuckles to herself, as if she can’t believe in what she’s saying. “He was perfect in every sense. His good looks, the way he was always so sweet… God, even the way he’s in bed.” Yes, he’s unbeatable in bed, you want to agree. “Too perfect to be true.”

Yeri goes quiet again for a while. She stares at the cup as if it’s showing her something important she can’t look away from.

“I started to realize why it was so perfect.” Her voice sounds painfully fragile. “He was trying too hard. Always trying his best. At first I thought that it was a good thing… We all want someone that’s always trying their best for you, right? But then… then, I started to watch how he acted when he was around you. Y-You know what’s worst in all this? It’s not like you two gave me actual reason to be jealous. You were never touchy around each other. You were even dating back then, and you two avoided going out together because Mike and Jungkook never got along well. I know it.” She sounds like she wants to cry. It makes you feel really, really bad.

“But… fuck, it was the way Jungkook acted with you, the way he talked to you, the way he looked at you, that smile he just showed when you were around. With you, he wasn’t trying anything. He didn’t need to try. I saw how he was so comfortable around you and… well, I didn’t need to be a genius to understand that he was so stupidly in love with you that it got him blind.” Yeri inhales and exhales deeply. “Jungkook was too much like a dream. But everyone has to wake up sometime, and I didn’t want to be there when he woke up from his. So I left him before I could get any more hurt.”

You can just stare at her, jaw dropped, adrenaline making your breathing shaky.

“Yeri, I never… I didn’t…” you stupidly stutter.

“I know you didn’t.” She nods. “I even pitied Jungkook, you know. Because he didn’t want to see what he really felt, and because you obviously didn’t feel the same.” Yeri chuckles. “That’s why I can’t hate you. That’s also what gave me some sense of revenge. At least he’s suffering a little bit.”

You’re both very, very quiet for some time.

“I’m sorry.” You say quietly. She doesn’t know you’re apologizing for putting her under the torture of telling those memories that are still painful for her. You weren’t expecting that Yeri still felt so affected by her past relationship even after so long.

“You don’t need to apologize.” She shakes her head slowly. “It wasn’t meant to be. That’s all. We would both keep suffering like that.” Yeri exhales again and looks at you. “Well… I guess I’m going now. I really hope I didn’t completely kill your relationship with him.”

She didn’t.

She quite helped to save it, actually.

Yeri takes some money from her purse and puts it over the counter, paying for her drinks. As she gets up from the stool, you say:

“Thank you for telling me, Yeri. I really wish you all the happiness you deserve.”

The blonde girl opens a small smile. You see why Jungkook fell - well, at least thought he fell - for her. Maybe Yeri doesn’t know it, but she also looks like a dream. You just hope she’ll find someone that will wake her up to see the most beautiful, warm and lovely reality.

“Thanks. See you around.”

She leaves.

You just sit there, all alone, staring at the counter.

Well- not exactly alone.

The bartender is furiously side-eyeing you.

“What?” You ask drily.

He presses his lips together. “I don’t think I should say anything…”

You tilt your head. “Go ahead. You heard everything anyway.”

The bartender stops in front of you. There’s something wise about him. That’s probably the result of hearing hundreds and hundreds of love stories every night - day, in your case.

“That dude you guys were talking about,” he says. “Your friend. You like him, right?”

You stare at him seriously. “Why would you think that?”

“Because your eyes lit up so much as she talked that I thought you were going to explode.”

Fuck. You can’t even pretend anymore. You avoid his gaze, embarrassed, and nod. “I do.”

He lifts his eyebrows. “Then, and excuse my intrusive ass, what the fuck are you waiting for?” He almost looks annoyed, as if he’s having to explain something painfully obvious. “Go after him, woman!”

You stare at him.

He’s right.

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Oh, right. You’re waiting until he comes back, because he’s fucking overseas.

It makes you so, so angry. After everything you just heard, after everything you’re feeling right now, you wanted nothing more but to run to him and make him listen to you. You want to see him, to hug him, to make him understand that he’s your most important person in the world, that you can’t see yourself in a world where he isn’t around.

But guess what - you’ll have to wait three days to meet him.

You look so grumpy on your way back home that people deliberately avoid looking at you. Seulgi and Irene are there when you arrive; Seulgi looks worried, Irene looks confused, you just decide to say you’re alright and lock yourself inside your bedroom because you can’t physically look at a happy couple right now.

You throw yourself on the bed and scream against a pillow.

If someone told you you’d be feeling so many things when all of this started, you wouldn’t have believed. You were always someone to continuously keep the fuck it button pressed - or at least, you pretended you did. Like that, you could trick your heart into believing you weren’t hurt by some jerk who cheated on you, that you didn’t feel like a piece of shit for drowning your problems in alcohol, that you didn’t care that most of your “friends” just cared about you when it came to parties and having fun, that there was never really anyone that truly took you seriously in a relationship.

It’s really easy to pretend those things aren’t real. But it’s just like Yeri said - one moment, everyone has to wake up. To you, waking up means facing the consequences of your actions, to face your feelings.

And it really hurts right now.

It also reminds you that the person you’d usually let your guard down for was Jungkook. You were never embarrassed to be weak in front of him - and it was the other way round. You were always in tune. Always in synergy.

This makes you remember the little black pen drive laying on the nightstand.

You sit in a jump, taking your laptop and the pen drive. Just feeling the device between your fingers makes you feel nervous… that’s why you still didn’t check what’s inside of it yet. Jimin said it was something personal. You’ve been hesitating to see whatever it is.

It can’t be bad, can it?

You plug the pen drive in your laptop.

The files tab pops up. There’s actually only one file inside the pen drive - a video. It’s called euphoria final test i swear to god.

You chuckle. This is so Jungkook.

Your finger still hovers over the touchpad hesitantly. It looks like one of Jungkook’s test videos - you’ve seen plenty of those. Nothing new. Nothing to be scared of. You double click.

The video opens up and fills up the screen.

It’s a vertical video recorded on selfie mode. Jungkook is walking down the university hall; he has a playful smile on his lips. The video shows you walking by his side, a grumpy expression on your face.

You remember this. He actually posted this on his Instagram stories around one year ago. His hair was way shorter back then. Why does he still have something so silly?

“Y/N’s team lost the championship.” Jungkook says. Of course he looks happy. He roots for the rival team. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Fuck you.” Is all you say.

Jungkook laughs loudly.

Another video.

A song kicks in.

It starts with the sweet melody of a piano. You frown, not recognizing this song at all.

Then the voice of the singer kicks in, and you feel your whole body freezing.

It’s Jungkook’s voice.

He sounds soft and angelic as you’ve always known - only this time, through professional mics and mixing. This itself is already shocking. You always felt blessed for being one of the few people to know of Jungkook’s singing ability, but this is different. He sounds like a professional singer, someone that makes a living out of it.

You remember Namjoon’s voice.

Hah, Jungkook didn’t tell you yet? He has been working with us! We’re doing a good job. He lent his voice to record some demos.

You then remember what Jungkook told you.

I… I kind of helped them write a song. I felt kind of inspired. It was just for fun, though.

Maybe I’ll let you listen to it any other day.

Is… is this the song he was talking about?

Jungkook’s sweet voice sings:

You are the sunlight that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don’t know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

Your breathing is irregular. Your fingers are shaking slightly.

Because as if his voice wasn’t enough to singlehandedly make you feel completely lost, the video is still passing on.

Videos of you.

You sitting on the university’s library, reading a book. You crying that time you ate tacos that were way too spicy, Jungkook’s laughter from behind his phone ringing softly over the song. You playing Just Dance with Seulgi, ridiculously trying to follow the doll’s moves on the TV. You running after Jungkook down the hall as he laughs because he stole your last cookie. You dancing around your kitchen as you prepare breakfast. You and him singing to Staying Alive that night at Burger King, both of you visibly drunk. Your shocked reaction as you watched a plot twist unfold on the TV - an anime he insisted so much for you to watch that you ended up watching.

I hear the ocean from far away

Across the dream, past the woods

I'm following this clarity

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

You remember some of those videos. He posted some of them on his Instagram or Snapchat. Some of them you sent him yourself. Some of them, though, you had no idea that existed. Videos of you doing… nothing. Scrolling down your phone. Reading a book. Watching TV. Some of them look more professional - those are from the times you accepted to be his “model” so he could test his techniques, yet he never let you see any of those videos.

Just you.

You, you, you and you.

Were you wandering around

Looking for an erased dream too?

It’s different from what destiny suggests

We share the same painful views

Won't you please stay in my dreams

Yes, both of you had erased dreams. Your erased dream was Mike. His erased dream was Yeri.

Jungkook thought that you would never be more than friends. What he felt, though, was different from what he thought destiny suggested.

The way you drifted apart from each other. The pain you went through, watching your friendship slowly die. You shared the same painful views.

You don’t know at what moment you start to cry, but now, tears are freely dripping down your cheeks.

Even if the earth crumbles

No matter who shakes this world

Don't let go of my hand

Please don’t wake me up from this dream

You remember that time you were looking at the pictures Jungkook took at a wedding, and you noticed how the groom looked at his future wife with overflowing love. You wondered to yourself if someone has ever looked - or ever would - look at you the same way.

Well, sometimes… sometimes I caught him looking at you in some type of way.

It was the way Jungkook acted with you, the way he talked to you, the way he looked at you, that smile he just showed when you were around.

You’re not seeing him in this video.

Yet, it shows how Jungkook sees you. And you can’t help but think… in his eyes, you look beautiful.

He sings beautifully. Passionately.

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

Euphoria

Close the door now

When I’m with you I’m in utopia

As the song slowly ends, the screen shows a last shot from a very old video you didn’t even remember. It’s from your graduation day from high school… actually, a video your mother recorded. The difference is clear from how shaky the camera is. You can’t help but think you look too goofy in your old school uniform.

“Y/N, it’s your graduation day! Next year you’ll live by yourself in a big city!”

“Thanks God. Less bills to pay for,” you hear your father jokingly say somewhere out of sight. You roll your eyes, but still laugh.

“Thank you so much, Dad. I see how much you love me.”

“But I love you, sweetie!”

“Shut up, darling. I’m trying to do an interview.” Your mother shushes him. “So, how do you feel, Y/N?”

You look thoughtful for a moment. That stupid teenager on the screen looks so full of hopes and courage. So young, so naive. “I’m a little bit scared, but I’m excited.” You say.

Then you smile, as if remembering something very important.

“Besides, Jungkook will live next to me, so I’ll be alright.”

The video ends.

You just sit there, sobbing uncontrollably for the next few minutes.

When you clicked that file, you never expected this.

You never expected to feel so loved with just a video.

At the same time, it makes an urge - the strongest urge you’ve ever felt in your life - flow through you. You need to tell Jungkook how wrong those lyrics are.

He doesn’t have to keep dreaming anymore. You’ve woken up from your own dream - and you’re ready to show him the real world in which you love him back, unconditionally.

Irene and Seulgi look worried as they see you marching out of your bedroom, sniffling, tears streaming down your cheeks. Before Irene can say anything, you put both hands on her shoulders and look at her seriously.

“Remember when you said you owed me one? That you’d help me with whatever I needed?”

Irene starts to look scared. “Yes.”

“Were you serious?”

“Of course!”

“Good. Then I need you to buy a flight ticket for me. Today.”

“Are you sure that’s the right hotel, Jimin?” you ask out of breath, your phone almost falling as you balance it between your ear and your shoulder, your hands busy holding your passport and flight ticket. You, Irene and Seulgi run inside the airport, looking like three crazy women in a dangerous mission - which isn’t too far from reality.

“I’m sure, Y/N!” Jimin says through the phone, starting to sound a little bit annoyed. “God, you asked me this a hundred times!”

“But I need to be sure! Can’t you ask him once again?”

“He will start to get suspicious. I already had to make up one hell of an excuse to make him tell me which room he’s in without sounding creepy.”

“Room 23, right?”

“Room 32!”

“So, is he sure that’s the right hotel?” Irene asks.

“Yes.”

She clicks something on her phone. “Good. It’s not too far from the airport. You’re lucky there was a room available!”

“Are you sure about this, Y/N?” Seulgi asks, looking borderline panicked. “You’re not going to die if you wait a few days until he comes back.”

“Yes, I am going to die if I wait any longer.”

“So dramatic.” Jimin says over the phone. You can even see him rolling his eyes.

“Shut up!”

“Why are you telling me to shut up?!” Seulgi asks, offended.

“No! I was talking to Jimin!” You finally hold the phone with your hand. “Okay, Jimin. I’m hanging up. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Don’t fucking die out there.” Jimin says, but you can hear the smile on his voice. “Good luck!”

You shove the phone inside your back pocket and turn around to look at them.

“Y/N, I don’t trust you alone in a foreign country.” Seulgi says. She does look panicked.

“I don’t trust myself either, but it’s alright.” You reassure her - but she only looks more nervous. You didn’t even bring a suitcase, choosing to just take a backpack with a few clothes and extremely necessary items.

Irene takes something from her wallet and hands it to you. “Here’s my credit card. I will text you the password later.”

You widen your eyes. “Irene, that’s not necessary…”

She shrugs in a dismissing demeanour. “Of course it is. How will you survive out there without money?” This kinda reminds you that this is only one of her credit cards and that whatever money you spend won’t really mean much to her. Still, you take the card hesitantly, making a mental promise to not spend more than the utmost necessary. “Your room is booked. You can ask a taxi to take you directly to the hotel. There’s no way to get lost.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…” Seulgi says under her breath.

“Seulgi, I will fucking beat you up.”

“Sorry! I’m nervous!” She admits.

Your gaze softens. “I promise I won’t die, okay?”

She steps closer and hugs you tightly. “Be safe. Huh, you’re so stupid, but this is so romantic! It feels like I’m watching a Netflix romcom movie in real life!”

“Why do you always have to bring Netflix up?” Irene wonders under her breath. Seulgi sends her a menacing glare as she steps back again. “Anyways, if you need anything, please call us. Call us as soon as you get out of the plane. Keep us informed.”

“Okay.” You jump over to hug Irene; she gets visibly surprised, not really the type of person to appreciate a lot of physical contact. “Thank you so much, Irene! You’re saving my life!”

“The same way you saved mine.” She giggles. “Now go, unless you want to lose your flight!”

You wave them goodbye one last time before walking to the check-in area.

Yeah. You know that this is very, very stupid to do. You could wait three days. But when your impulsive, chaotic side takes control, you can’t really hold it back. That’s why you get inside the plane even though you’re really fucking scared of flights, going to a country you know absolutely nothing about.

But it’s alright. You’ll be with Jungkook, so it’s alright. Even if he rejects you - it’s alright.

Your chaotic side says that you’ll annoy him until he at least listens to you - and this time, you don’t think your chaotic side is all that wrong.

You get lost.

Which is dumb, because there were lots of information boards around the airport. Maybe that’s why you got lost - too much information, your peanut-sized brain couldn’t process all of that. After walking around the gigantic place for a good thirty minutes, only stopping to buy something very important on a vending machine, you find the exit and the taxi area. The taxi driver sees how desperate you are and it looks like he pities you.

Irene was right; the hotel is only twenty minutes away from the airport. It’s not a super hotel, but it looks like it’s much more expensive than you’d be able to pay (you couldn’t even pay for the flight tickets anyway).

You get more and more and more and more nervous at each passing minute. You feel like you’re about to fucking explode as the receptionist types something you can’t see. When he gives you the key card for your room, you feel goosebumps run down your spine.

It’s now.

Getting inside the elevator, you press the button to Jungkook’s floor. You don’t even want to drop your things in your own room before meeting him. You’re so nervous that, if you wait a little bit more, you’re sure that you’ll pass out.

Every step of yours on the corridor’s carpeted floor echoes in your ears. Your heart beats furiously. Your hands are trembling slightly and you feel cold in your stomach.

Room 23.

You stand in front of it, frozen.

Oh my God.

As expected, you don’t know what you’ll say when you see him. You tried to plan a speech the entire flight as a way to forget you were thousands of feet away from the ground and how fucking scared it made you, but you couldn’t think of anything.

You inhale and exhale deeply. It’s alright. It’s Jungkook who you’re talking about. You’ve always known how to act around him. Right now it’s no different.

Finally, you knock on the door.

“J-Jungkook?” You call, your voice failing slightly.

No response.

Weird. Jimin made sure that Jungkook wouldn’t be working anymore at this hour.

“Jungkook, it’s me. Can we… can we talk, please?” You say a little bit louder, knocking on the door once more. You can't hear any noise coming from inside the room. Come on, Jungkook. You have to open the door before any security guard can drag me away from here.

Your breathing is difficult. Your hands are trembling slightly. It feels that the floor is opening holes under your feet.

"Jungkook, I know you're mad at me. But please… please, let me at least explain myself." It's stupid how you already feel your eyes welling up with tears. Since when you became such a cry baby? Your chest tightens, hurts. "Y-You can't just leave me outside your room like this. Stop being a jerk. I need to tell you… I-I need to tell you that I lo-"

"Y/N?"

You freeze.

You turn around, looking at the exact opposite room in the hallway.

It's him.

Jungkook still holds the doorknob, indicating that he just opened it. He's barefoot, wears shorts and a long sleeved shirt, all black. His damp hair falling slightly over his eyes indicates that he probably just took a shower.

His eyes are so widened that it looks like they're about to pop out of his face.

He sincerely looks at you like you're the weirdest thing he has ever seen in his life.

"W-What-" he stutters, looking like he can't form a coherent sentence. "What the fuck?!"

You're still frozen in place.

You turn around again, looking at the door you were knocking on.

Room 23.

You look back at Jungkook again - the sign on his door.

Room 32.

"Oh." Is all you can say.

Shame suddenly makes your shoulders weight. You really, really hope there's no one inside Room 23.

You both stand there, staring at each other with widened eyes like two scared chipmunks. Your neck and face feels very, very hot.

Jungkook looks like he's recovering from the shock. He didn't hear anything you said, apparently.

"W-What exactly are you doing here?" Jungkook asks, tilting his head to the side. He frowns, looking at you like you're an exotic species.

"Oh." You repeat. Your brain is malfunctioning. You step closer, simply showing him the plastic bag you're holding. "I-I brought you this."

His eyes go from you to the plastic bag and to you again.

"It's banana milk." You explain hurriedly. He widens his eyes slightly. "I mean- it's this country's equivalent of banana milk, I guess. It's the closest thing I could buy in the vending machine."

Jungkook raises his hand slowly and takes it. He's moving carefully, as if this exotic species can jump on him and bite him at any moment.

"Did you take a 5 hour flight just to buy me banana milk?"

"Yes." You agree mindlessly. You feel your entire body burning now. "A-And I also came here to talk, because your dramatic ass didn't let me speak the other day."

Jungkook quirks one eyebrow and crosses his arms slowly. "Alright. I'm listening to you now."

He stares at you very seriously.

His gaze is overwhelming. It almost feels that you're getting small under his eyes. Gosh - you've been wanting to see him for days, but right now, when he's right in front of you, you can't say a damn thing, your brain completely overheating, your braincells melting. You thought you'd know how to act when you met him - but ha, guess what? You don't.

And that motherfucker is just standing there, waiting for you to speak. Just staring at you.

You hold the doorknob in a swift moment and close the door on his face, just letting enough of it open so he can still hear you.

"What-?" He gasps from inside the room.

"Shut up, okay?! I just can't speak looking at you right now." You hold the doorknob so tightly that your knuckles get white. You hate the way your voice is trembling and you hate the way your sight can't really focus on anything around you - that's just how nervous you are.

Jungkook doesn't say anything. You feel him leaning on the other side of the door, waiting patiently.

You inhale and exhale heavily.

"You got so fucking angry at me when I said you were my best friend that night.” You start, not really knowing where you’re going with this. You don’t even know if it’s possible to convey everything you feel through words only. “But you know, it’s- it’s true. You are my best friend. But what you didn’t let me explain is that you’re not just my best friend.”

Your heartbeat thunders on your ears at each word. You can’t see Jungkook’s expression, and at the same time it helps you keep talking, it also makes you more anxious.

“Y-You’ve been with me through everything. You were there with me when I broke my arm when we were kids, and you were there to help me when I thought I wouldn’t get into college, and you were there with me to celebrate when I got into college. It’s even embarrassing that you’ve seen all of my lowest moments.” You rest your head on the door, staring at the carpet under your feet. The first tears roll down your cheeks. “You know everything about me and sometimes I hate it. You’re like… fuck, I hate how cheesy this sounds, but you’re like a part of me. A-And you’re the best part, because- I don’t know how to explain, but you’re always the one making my average self want to be more.”

Normal you would never say something like this. You’re far from being an emotional person and you’re shit with words. But right now you’re crying and sniffling and trembling and you can’t shut your mouth anymore.

“Please, you have to believe me. I would never purposefully hurt you. Whenever I see you sad I die a little bit inside, and to know that I was the cause of your sadness is fucking killing me. It’s killing me.” You sob. “I don’t want to be the cause of your sadness ever again. I-I want to return all the good things you’ve done to me. So, please… I know I’m a pain in the ass to deal with, b-but if you’d let me be by your side… if you’d just bear me a little bit longer until I become someone that you’d want to be with-”

Jungkook opens the door.

You hear him whispering under his breath wait, wait, wait, interrupting you. Gently, he puts his hands on your arms and pulls you inside the room, closing the door right after, so now your back is against the door - right in front of him.

He stares at you, lips parted, eyebrows slightly knitted together. He looks stunned. Very, very confused. And very hopeful.

His starry eyes are welling up with tears.

“What… what do you mean with all this?” Jungkook asks softly. He almost sounds scared. “What do you really mean?”

You stare at him in silence. His beautiful face. His beautiful self.

You’ve never been so sure about anything in your life.

“I love you.” you confess, your voice cracking slightly. “I-I fucking love you. I’m sorry that I took so long to realize.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen.

The next thing you know is that his lips are against yours.

He drops the plastic bag full of banana milk on the floor, holding the back of your neck with one hand and pressing your body against his with the other. He tastes like toothpaste and tears; you can barely breathe, adrenaline rushing through your bloodstream, your fingers grabbing the strands of his damp hair.

When he finally lets go of your lips, you’re both out of breath and trembling.

Then, he smiles - and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

He wipes the tears away from your cheeks as his own cheeks are wet with tears. His eyes are smiling too, and you think that you want to keep that smile forever.

“Y-You have… you have no idea of how long- how long I dreamed of hearing this,” Jungkook says quietly, his voice cracking a little bit. He giggles, frowning his eyebrows slightly as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing right in front of him. “I can’t believe you took a fucking plane to bring me banana milk! How can I stay mad at you when you do this type of thing?!”

You start giggling too. His warmth, his scent of baby powder, the way his eyes are shining as much as diamonds - this is something you didn’t know you needed, you didn’t know you’d ever have.

“God- I fucking love you, too.”

Your heart feels filled.

You smash your lips on his again.

It’s desperate and intense and makes your senses completely dizzy.

You feel the backpack dropping from your shoulders right before Jungkook lifts you up as if you weigh nothing and you circle your legs around his waist. Without breaking the kiss, he carries you to where the bed is, sitting down with you on his lap.

Adrenaline and excitement washes over your body in anticipation. It’s even familiar at this point - his gaze clouded with want, your heavy breathings, hands grabbing and caressing everywhere they can find. Jungkook moans quietly against your lips as you grip his hair tightly, humping your clothed core very slowly against his growing erection.

“I missed you so fucking much,” he whispers in that deep voice that makes goosebumps run down your skin, his lips against your neck as he kisses and sucks it. You giggle.

“We fucked just a few days ago,” you point out.

“I miss this everyday. All the time.”

You hold his face, forcing him to look at you.

You might be shit at words, you might not know how to express yourself that well. But one thing you know better than anyone else is how to make him feel good.

So, softly, you push him back until you’re hovering above him and he’s propped up by his elbows.

You don’t say anything. You just smile and start to take his shirt off.

He doesn’t complain.

Your hands roam his exposed skin as you kiss and suck his neck gently. While your lips are still glued on his neck, one of your hands travels to caress his clothed member. Quiet moans come from the back of his throat. Slowly, you kiss your way down his chest and stomach - until you’re kneeled in front of his opened legs.

Jungkook is breathing heavily in anticipation. Maybe it’s the sole sight of you biting your bottom lip as you manage to get his member free from his boxers and shorts that makes it throb. He has to gulp when he sees you spitting on his dick, the feeling of your spit trickling down his member making goosebumps roam his skin.

You hold his member and start to bump it slowly at first - which makes waves of pure pleasure wash over Jungkook, stunning his senses. He hisses when your lips envelop the head of his cock, sucking it. His eyes are half lidded, lips slightly parted, Adam’s apple bobbing as he gulps. He looks so beautiful as he’s being pleasured.

You start taking more of him inside your mouth until you feel him on your throat; Jungkook moans louder. You bob your head up and down his length, taking turns between sucking and bumping his member with your hand, your spit making it easier and producing obscene sounds. Jungkook hisses and groans and moans and then he’s grabbing your hair, making you take more of him inside your mouth. You don’t complain. You just want to make him feel the best he has ever felt.

This time, though, it’s being much quieter than what it usually is. Jungkook just swears a little under his breath. No dirty talking.

His face and neck are covered with blush, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead, his face distorted with pure pleasure. His moans are getting more constant and louder. You wouldn’t mind if he cummed in your mouth right now, but Jungkook hisses and takes his hand off your hair.

“Oh my God- stop. Stop. Come here, babe.”

You decide to just do as he said. As soon as you prop your knees on each side of him, Jungkook sits up again and starts to get rid of your clothing hurriedly - first your pants, then your coat and shirt. When he unclasps your bra, he immediately takes one of your breasts on his mouth, making you moan quietly. His hand pushes your panties to the side to meet your already wet core; you moan louder as he gently caresses it. You unconsciously start moving your hips against his hand, his movements adding more pressure over your clit, his lips still licking and sucking your breasts.

Jungkook decides this was enough to get you wetter. He pushes your panties to the side, holds both sides of your hips as you guide his member to your entrance.

Both of you moan as he enters.

You close your eyes tightly, the feeling of being stretched by him so familiar and so delicious. Steadying yourself on his shoulders, you start to guide yourself up and down on him, never breaking eye contact, watching him carefully. Every deep moan coming from him makes you shiver. The pleasure, the sound of skin hitting skin - how many times have you done it before? You don’t even remember. Yet, right now, it somehow feels fresh and new.

Maybe it’s because there’s more in Jungkook’s eyes than just lust. Maybe it’s because you notice how he watches you with adoration. And maybe it’s because you watch him with the same intensity, the same feeling.

Jungkook grabs the skin of your hips tightly as you increase your pace. He loves your face contorted in pleasure, he loves the sight of your boobs jumping at each move, he loves to feel the soft skin of your ass on his hand. He loves it. Both of you are really sweating now. You kiss him deeply, never decreasing your pace, your tongues entangling around each other, grabbing the strands of his hair.

God, how much he loves it.

He loves it much more now, because he sees how this time, he’s not the only one feeling something beyond physical pleasure. He knows you too damn well. It’s just like that morning at your house. You’re feeling it, too.

You love him, too.

Thinking about it makes him smile. You think it’s simultaneously the hottest and the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen.

Jungkook simply circles his arms around your waist and completely switches positions, throwing you on your back on the bed, which makes you giggle. He finally gets rid of your panties and hovers over you, thrusting inside of you once again.

His pace is fast and steady from the beginning. Your moans get higher and higher, louder and louder. You love how his face is so close to yours, how strongly he’s hitting you, how he tightly intertwines his fingers with yours (Jungkook really is the type to intertwine his hands when having sex!)

It’s ridiculous how you feel your eyes welling up with tears in a moment like this.

This moment… It’s not just bodies connecting - it’s souls.

You used to think you and Jungkook didn’t match; you were opposites in many ways. Jungkook is an introvert, you are an extrovert. Jungkook prefers quiet places, you prefer parties. Jungkook works out, you’re too lazy to do so. Jungkook hates coffee. You can’t live without it.

But, it’s in this moment - when he’s inside of you, when all of your senses are stunned by pure pleasure, when everything you can smell is him and everything you can hear is the sounds of bodies against bodies and when everything you can see is his beautiful starry eyes looking right back at you - is when you realize how wrong you were all along.

You’re like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. They need to be different to match. They are different, but when you put them two together, they complete each other.

You’ve always matched.

Seulgi didn't expect to find Jungkook standing in the kitchen when she came home.

Of course - you told her that the flight back home was scheduled at night and you'd probably arrive in the morning. This shouldn't be surprising. Yet, Seulgi still widens her eyes when she sees Jeon Jungkook cooking breakfast, his hair a mess, his face slightly swollen - an indication that he just woke up - wearing shorts and a white t-shirt.

He turns around and smiles. "Oh! Y/N didn't tell me you were coming back so early." He sounds a little bit surprised.

Seulgi notices it immediately.

That smile on his face and those gleamy eyes are just shown by someone that had a long, steamy and tiring night of sex.

Sure, Seulgi knows that you and Jungkook made up - and that you've been fucking for months now - but damn, it's still shocking to see it with her own eyes, considering that you only looked like good friends.

"I didn't know I'd come back early, too." Seulgi says, sitting by the tiny kitchen counter. She was expecting to spend the weekend at Irene’s penthouse, but she had to work. This is one of the reasons why Seulgi loves Irene; Irene could just enjoy her fortune and do nothing, yet, she decides to actively work for the company. She’s admirable.

"Do you want breakfast?" He asks over his shoulder.

"Well… I already had breakfast, but this is smelling really good." She admits. Jungkook nods and proceeds to prepare one more portion. She just watches in silence as he works around the kitchen (and she's also surprised that he knows where everything is, every pot, every spoon, literally everything). He hums quietly, that tiny satisfied smile never leaving his lips.

Seulgi thinks she has never seen him so happy.

It's kind of adorable.

"So, how was your job?" She asks.

"It was great!" Jungkook says excitedly. He chuckles. "I thought I was going to be the assistant of the assistant, but actually I was everyone's assistant. I didn't really do much, but it was great anyways. It's totally different to study about it and see how things work in real life."

Before Seulgi says anything, she sees you coming from your bedroom.

Your face is swollen and your eyes are barely opened; it seems you're not even seeing where you're going. Your hair is a complete mess. You wear one of Jungkook's shirts and Seulgi suspects you're not wearing anything under it.

She watches as you walk on a beeline straight to Jungkook and hug him from behind, burying your face on his back.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" At least that's what she thinks you said, because your voice sounds muffled.

"Because you looked so funny that I didn't want to wake you up." He says softly. Seulgi can hear his smile. "You were drooling and all. I even took some pictures."

"You didn't."

"I did." Jungkook giggles when you punch his back, but still keep your body glued on him.

"Fuck you. What are you cooking anyways? It smells too fucking good." You mumble.

"It's my special recipe." Jungkook moves to take something on the cabinet. You go along. "I can't cook if you keep smashing me like this."

"I don't caaare."

"Since when do you like hugging so much?"

"You didn't know girlfriend Y/N. Girlfriend Y/N likes long hugs."

Jungkook chuckles again. "Nice to meet you, Girlfriend Y/N."

Seulgi just stares, jaw dropped. From all the things she thought she’d see in her life, this is the most unexpected.

This is so cheesy. So not you. Not even when you were dating Mike you were like this.

And Jesus- she has never seen you look happy like this.

You turn your head to look at Seulgi, and she watches awkwardly as you let go of Jungkook and proceed to walk in her direction. You kind of look like a really happy zombie.

“Oh, good morning, Seul. Don’t be jealous. I love you toooo.”

And you throw your arms around her shoulders, hugging her so tightly that she almost falls from the stool.

The only person that doesn’t get shocked at your relationship is your mother.

You casually called her just to talk and gave the news. What she said?

“Well, finally.”

Everyone else is utterly shocked.

When Hoseok saw you kissing each other goodbye the other day - it was just a peck - his eyes got so wide that it seemed they were about to pop out of his face. He stared at you and him, completely shocked, as Jimin just laughed. That was pretty much everyone’s reaction.

You and Jungkook were never the type to be too touchy. It’s still kind of awkward to hand hold in public or call each other things like babe or love. You physically cringe just thinking of calling him “babe”, honestly.

It’s weird, because you’re “officially” dating now, but your relationship isn’t all that different. All the overwhelming awkwardness between you is gone (thankfully), so now you do what you always did; you swear at each other, you have your violent ways of showing affection, he still ghosts you because he’s too busy playing whatever game. The only difference is that now you can fuck without feeling guilty (and oh boy, you’ve been fucking a lot these days) and there’s a lot of kissing. There wasn’t that much kissing back then.

You thought it was impossible, but sex is even better now. It’s more exciting and even funnier - especially because there’s no awkwardness weighting in the room after you both reach your climaxes. Instead, there’s giggles and hugs and soft kisses. You also sleep at each other’s places now, which is good.

To be honest, if you think really hard about it, you’ve been lowkey dating for years. It’s just that now, you fuck a lot.

When you tell him this, Jungkook just chuckles. You don’t think he’s really listening to what you’re saying, though - nor you’re thinking straight anymore. You went out with your friends at a karaoke and, as expected, ended up drinking way too much; you and Seulgi had a singing competition in which none of you won (Irene just sat there looking absolutely embarrassed), Jimin sang a little bit but disappeared at some point (Jungkook said he noticed some hot guy in the side room), Hoseok got so emotional singing Haru Haru by BigBang that he started crying as Seokjin laughed so hard he almost choked, and Jungkook didn’t sing at all (because everybody knew he’s actually good at it and he would humiliate everyone else), until Jungkook silently asked if you wanted to leave (and you did) and you two left before anyone could notice (they were too drunk to notice anyway).

Since he’s drinking, you took a bus. The wrong bus. You’re at the other side of the city now, sitting on the bench of a park, watching the sun rise. It sounds romantic, but really, everything you see is heavy traffic and the grey pollution line in the horizon, almost blocking the sun.

Not that you care.

“We did everything backwards.” Jungkook says, his voice low and a little bit husky. His eyes look heavy because of the alcohol. You love how his hair is tied in a tiny ponytail. “People usually are friends first, then go out on dates, then they fuck.”

“We jumped straight to the fun part!” You say as if it’s obvious. He giggles again.

Peaceful silence. Jungkook watches your intertwined hands sitting on his lap, a small smile on his face. You can see that, even though he’s right by your side, his mind must be far, far away. He’s clearly sleepy. It’s silly - you know this guy almost your entire life, you already have memorized each detail about him - but you can’t take your eyes off of him right now.

You inhale.

“You know.” You start absently. “I saw the video.”

Jungkook frowns and looks at you. “What video?”

You’re trying really hard to hold back a smile.

“I think it’s called euphoria final test I swear to God.”

His eyes widen.

“W-What? Who showed you?!” He groans. “Jimin. Oh my God- I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

You start laughing as you see blush creeping on his cheeks and ears. He hides his face behind his hands and moans painfully.

“Why are you so embarrassed?” You ask, endeared, trying to get his hands off from his face, but he won’t let you.

“You weren’t supposed to watch that! It’s- it wasn’t- ugh!”

“But the song is beautiful, Kook!” You try, still laughing.

“Yeah, the song is alright, but the video?”

“What’s wrong with the video?”

He finally side eyes you for a few seconds. The blush on his cheeks gets redder. He hides his face again, groaning.

“You weren’t supposed to find out about that. Shit, I can’t look at you anymore. I wanna fucking die.”

“Stop being so dramatic!” After a lot of effort, you finally manage to cup his face with your hands. Still, he avoids your gaze. “Hey, hey. Look at me!”

He does.

He looks sheepish and it’s adorable.

“I loved it. Every second of it. You’re so damn talented.”

“B-But I didn’t write the song alone… Namjoon takes most of the credits with the lyrics. I just helped a little bit. A-And you know, it was just for fun, it’s not an official demo or anything-”

He’s forced to shut up when you peck his lips.

“I love you.”

He knits his eyebrows a little bit.

“You like to say this a lot.” He notices quietly. “I didn’t know you were this type of person.”

“I’m not.” You agree. “But it’s because it’s you.”

You’ve been “officially” dating for, what, almost two weeks now? People usually don’t say “I love you” this early. But this isn’t the beginning for you two. It’s more like a progression. It feels natural, like it has always been with him.

It feels like home.

Jungkook avoids your gaze again. The blush hasn’t gone away. “I don’t know what to do when you say things like that- why are you crying?!”

It’s Jungkook’s time to laugh at you as you try to wipe the tears away. He pulls you to rest your head on his chest, hugging you tightly.

“I am supposed to be the emotional one here, not you.” He says, still laughing.

“Shut up. I’m drunk.”

“Yeah, sure.” His laughter slowly dies until it’s just a quiet giggle. You feel his scent, hear the beating of his heart. Jungkook kisses the top of your head gently, caressing your back. “I’m gonna be so embarrassed when I remember I said this tomorrow,” he says softly against your hair. “But I think I’ve loved you ever since that first day of school when we bumped into each other on our way.”

You bury your face on his chest even more.

Everything around you is blurred and distant. It seems that nothing really matters besides right here, right now - as if you’ve never realized what you’ve been waiting for your whole life. This moment.

Him.

The puzzle is finally complete.

#btswriterscollective #bangtanarmynet #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook scenario #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook

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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago

Text

Crash Course - Bucky Barnes

a/n: this one? im in LOVE with this fic and im not even ashamed of it. there is just something about the MC helping him get used to living in the new century and im a sucker for it. so please enjoy this fluffy piece!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

word count: 3.6k

summary: Bucky is a regular at the café where you work at and seeing him struggling with technology, you offer to help him, teaching him the basics while you are both thinking about taking it a little further than just a crash course.

masterlist

The time between the morning rush and lunch time is always quiet, the café is almost completely empty, that’s why Bucky prefers to go out during that time, tuck himself away in the corner of the small but cozy place, a black coffee steaming on the wooden table in front of him, his laptop or a book or his phone reserving his attention, whatever he decides to put his energy into that day.

Today has been a rainy day, therefore the morning was a lot quieter than usually, not many likes to make an extra trip for a coffee in the pouring rain, so you’ve been enjoying the calmness, the soft jazz music playing through the speakers as you are putting away the freshly washed cups behind the counter. As if he has an appointment, Bucky walks into the café with a laptop under his arm, his cap hiding part of his face, but you can still see the shy smile on his lips as he closes the door behind him, the little bell chiming for a second time at his arrival.

“Welcome back, the usual?” you ask as he heads to his spot.

“Yes please,” he nods, shooting you a thankful smile.

You try to ignore the little butterflies in your stomach at the sight of the man, it’s almost ridiculous how you still get nervous when you see him, even though he has been showing up every day at the same time for the past about two months. You just can’t help it, there’s just something in those ocean eyes and perfect manner he always treats you with, something you don’t often get these days. Not many take the time to ask about your day or wish you a good one after you hand them their coffee, but Bucky is different. The same question falls from his lips every time you appear at his table with his order.

“How has your day been going?” he asks when you place the cup next to his laptop that’s loading.

“Pretty quiet, the rain keeps people away,” you chuckle, hoping your blush is not as apparent as it feels. “What about yours?”

“Just the same as usual,” he smiles softly and you nod, though you have no idea what’s usual for him. He might be friendly and quite welcoming when he is sitting at the café, he often chats with you about anything and everything, yet still, you know near nothing about him and his life outside of this place. It’s clear he is the kind of person that prefers to keep things to himself, but sometimes you are so desperate for just the smallest crumb of information about him. With the lack of details, you often find yourself making up things about him, like what his favorite dish is, where he likes to shop, what shows he watches on the TV. You might be entirely wrong about all of these, but it’s all you have.

Moving back behind the counter you busy yourself with cleaning it off as Bucky’s attention shifts to the screen in front of him. There are only two more customers in there and they are quite locked away in their own world as well, a college student working on some kind of assignment on her second espresso and an old lady solving Sudoku at the table near the window, sipping on a nice latte.

You can’t help but glance in his direction every now and then as you move the muffins around on the counter. He seems deeply focused, eyebrows knitted together as he is clicking away on the computer. From the looks of it, he is solving some kind of enigma, but when you walk past his table you see that he has an email open on the screen, his cursor moving around kind of aimlessly.

“Not finding the right words?” you ask, stopping to clean the table next to his that was previously occupied by a young couple. His eyes snap up to you before he huffs shaking his head.

“No, I’m just… terribly bad at IT stuff and I’m supposed to “CC” someone on this email,” he explains, using his fingers to air-quote as he glances back at the screen. “But if I’m being honest I don’t even know what it means,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

You find it amusing, even cute that he is like an old man with these stuff. You’ve seen him struggling to type in a text message before on his flip phone that’s from the last century for sure and now this.

Placing the tray of cups down on the table you move over to him, taking the free chair next to him as you reach for the laptop, but you stop before touching it.

“May I…?”

“Go ahead,” he gestures with a nod.

You turn the device towards yourself as you click a few times, bringing up the option to send a copy of the email to another receiver.

“CC means that more people get the same email. You can put their addresses here. But you can also BCC people, in that case, the original receiver won’t see if the email was sent to others as well,” you explain patiently. Bucky tries his best to focus on the screen and what you’re saying, rather than the way your lips are moving and how badly he wants to taste them.

You haven’t been the only one feeling flustered and like a giddy teenager and Bucky didn’t choose this café as his usual spot for nothing. He spotted you the first time he stumbled in and the way you smiled brightly at everyone and the sweet chiming of your laughter made him want to come back the moment he stepped out that day. So he returned the next day and then the next day again… and now he couldn’t even imagine a day without seeing your eyes light up when he walks in while he can only hope you are just as happy to see him as he is to see you.

You help him send his email and you cheer in victory once it’s done and sent.

“See? It’s not as hard as it seems,” you smile at him gently, patting his arm that’s covered by a hoodie and your eyes fall onto his gloved hands on the tabletop.

“Yeah, I just have a lot of catching up to do from the past seven decades,” he mumbles under his breath, though he immediately regrets not keeping his mouth shut.

Your eyes flicker to his hand once again, then up to meet his gaze and he knows he just outed himself. He is expecting the usual: disgust, disappointment, even fear. That’s how most people react when they find out who he really is. But as he stares back at you, scared like a little kitten, you just smile back at him softly.

It’s not that you haven’t heard of the Avengers, because it’s impossible not to know who they are. You were just not expecting one of them to become a regular at your working place. The few times you saw him on TV he had long hair and his face was covered with a mask, so you’re not surprised you didn’t put the picture together. But knowing now who he is, you don’t see him in a worse lighting. If anything, you feel a little sad that he had to go through so much in his extremely long life.

“Well, feel free to ask any more questions. I’m not an IT guy, but I can help you with everyday stuff,” you tell him and he is in awe at your very normal, very sweet reaction. All he can do is nod as you stand from the table and grab the tray you abandoned not long ago, moving back behind the counter.

When you glance up your gaze meets his as he is still staring at you, nervous, a little anxious, but definitely relieved by your smooth reaction to finding out his identity. You shoot him a bright smile before moving to the table of the old lady who asks for another latte and as Bucky follows your frame move across the room he can’t help the small smile that tugs on his lips.

Your offer doesn’t stay unused. In fact, Bucky shows up at the café the next few days with a handful of questions for you, genuine ones, and a few he already knows the answer to, but wants to hear you explain them anyway. And you help him with anything, sitting at his table whenever you have a few free minutes between customers. He asks you about the internet, social media, online data bases and sources, going through a list from the little notebook he always keeps with himself.

The times spent with him are your favorite part of the day. You always look forward to whatever issue Bucky is going to bring up, fearing that one day he might run out of questions, but that just never comes. And you don’t know it, but your little sessions are the highlights of his days as well, listening to your smooth voice as you explain even the smallest things to him with so much patience, he is convinced you should become a teacher.

He thinks about asking you out every day, the question is always on the tip of his tongue.

What are you doing tonight? Would you want to go out with me? Do you want to grab a bite with me after your shift?

However he just never gets to actually say the words out loud. He is growing impatient with himself, he used to have no problem with asking girls out, but seven decades and another life as a brain-washed assassin later, this task feels way too impossible.

You’ve been telling him to get a smartphone for the past couple of days and though he seemed adamant, one day he shows up with a brand new one, still in the box.

“Oh my God, is that what I think it is?” you tease him with a dramatic gasp. Chuckling to himself he nods as he places the box to the counter while you are making the order of one of the customers. Today has been a little busier than usually, probably because of the special offer of 10% off from the new Cuban coffee beans your boss ordered in.

“I need a teacher to show me the ropes though.”

“Oh, Bucky, I would love to, but today is a bit crowded,” you pout as you put the lid onto the paper cup and hand it over to the customer, another one already walking in, eyeing the offer written on the black board behind you.

He didn’t even think you wouldn’t say yes, it never occurred to him that the timing might not be the best. You see as his smile slowly disappears from his scruffy face and your heart breaks seeing him like this.

“Yeah, sorry. Don’t want to keep you up,” he mumbles feeling defeated, but before he could grab the box from the counter, you put your hand on it, your fingers brushing against his gloved one, the tiny touch making both of you flustered.

“But how about after work?” you suggest and his eyes immediately light up. Spending time with you without any customers interrupting? That sounds like heaven to him.

“Y-you sure? If you have something to do, I—“

“Nothing to do,” you smile at him. You grab a napkin from the counter and a pan from near the cash register, quickly scribbling down your address before handing it over to him. “I’ll be home by seven,” you inform him as he glances down at your handwriting, noting how well it fits your personality. He then looks back at you nodding, as if he was just handed the best Christmas present ever.

“I’ll be there,” he smiles gratefully before stepping away from the counter and letting you work.

Five minutes after seven, Bucky is standing at your front door with a bag of Chinese food in his hands as he is trying to build up the courage to ring your doorbell. He found out that you live just a few corners away from the café, so he found your address easily.

“Come on, dude. Don’t be such a loser,” he mumbles to himself as he circles his shoulders before finally pushing the button. A short, buzzing sound is heard from the other side of the door and he stares at the 6B sign in front of you as he hears footsteps from inside. A few moments later the door swings open and there you are, still wearing the same clothes from earlier, a bright smile adorning your face as you beam at your guest.

“Come on in!” you gesture for him as he steps into the small apartment. “Tried to clean up a bit, but if I’m being honest I’m starting to grow out this place,” you chuckle as you push a box out of the way. It’s a small studio apartment with everything cramped into one space except the bathroom. You have a double bed pushed up against the wall in the corner, a small sofa with your wardrobe next to it, a TV, a tiny coffee table, a bookshelf and a dresser, a little dining table near the kitchen with three chairs and a pantry right next to the fridge that stands where the hardwood floor changes into checkered tiles. It really is a tiny space that holds a lot of stuff, but all the gadgets and clutter makes it cozy, lived-in, a place that’s so much like you that he feels like he is peeking inside your head as he walks farther inside.

“I brought dinner,” he shyly holds the bag up as you lock the door.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!” you smile at him gratefully, because you didn’t really have time to buy anything on your way home since you had to make a quick trip to the post office after your shift, leaving you no spare time before his arrival.

“It’s the least I can do for all the help,” he smiles as you take the bag from him and bring it to the designated living room area of the place. Bucky joins you on the sofa and he thanks all higher powers your place is so small that you only have a loveseat, giving him the chance to sit close to you. Your thigh brushes against his as you hand him a box and make yourself comfortable as well, starting your feast while he asks you about your day, listening to your every word intently.

When the food is gone and you’ve grabbed two beers for the two of you, he pulls out the phone that’s the reason behind his visit. He bought a simple one, not at all one of the latest versions and it’s going to be the perfect model for him to learn the ropes on.

You help him put his SIM card into the new phone and then you set his account up before finally gaining access to the phone. You start with the basic features, showing him how to make a call or send a text before moving onto the different apps and possibilities while he listens to you as if you were talking about rocket science, but in a way, it feels like that for him.

“And here you can switch to the front camera,” you explain as you push the button and suddenly, the two of you come into picture on the screen. “Perfect for taking selfies,” you add with a chuckle.

“Oh, selfies. I’m not too good with those,” he huffs shaking his head.

“Because you probably haven’t found your angle!” you smirk. “Everyone has a good angle.”

“You think so?” you knits his eyebrows together.

“Mhm, look!”

Opening the contacts you go to yours, choosing the option to add a picture that will show up on the screen when you call him, and open the camera to take one instead of choosing from the empty gallery. Holding up the phone you position it so your good angle is in the picture before snapping the photo and saving it as your caller ID.

“See?” you smile at him before handing the device back to him. He just nods, even though he can only think about how all your angles are perfect to him and that now he has a picture of you in his phone. “Let’s take one together!” you beam and moving closer to him you take the phone once again, holding it up in front of you, trying to fit both of you into the frame.

Bucky tries his best to focus on the picture, but he can’t ignore how close you are to him, he can smell your shampoo and your cheek is almost pressed against his as you smile into the camera. The corners of his mouth curl up as his eyes fix at your reflection on the screen before you snap the photo. Opening up the camera roll you take a better look at it and it’s probably your favorite photo that has ever been taken of you. Mostly because he is in it as well, smiling so sweetly.

“It’s a good one,” you say and as you turn your head to the side you realize how close you really are to him.

“Yeah?” he breathes out, definitely aware of just the few inches separating the two of you.

“I-if you had an Instagram I would tell you to post it…” you stutter as your eyes flicker down to his lips, the urge to lean in and kiss him growing with each passing second.

Feeling a little dizzy, one of your hands fall to his lower arm, the one that’s made out of metal and your gaze drops to where you are touching him, a panic filled look flashing through his eyes.

He thinks that this is where the moment is ruined, where you realize the monster he really is and decide you don’t want anything to do with him. He almost starts to apologize for God knows what reason when you reach out and your fingers start to work on the straps of his gloves. It takes a few moments for him to realize what you are doing, and he tries to pull his hand back, but you grab it stopping him from doing it.

“It’s alright,” you smile at him softly, your eyes meeting his as you finish what you started and pull the glove off his hand revealing the metal underneath the leather. Then you move onto his other hand and do the same, dropping the pair of gloves to the floor as you take both his hands in yours, thumbs running across his knuckles, feeling the difference between his own hand and the artificial one.

You see his jaw flexing at the touch and reaching up you cup his cheek in your palm, making him to look you in the eyes. The strong and confident man you see sometimes is gone now, fear and hesitation taking over his expression as your other hand keeps holding his vibranium one.

“I’m sorry,” it falls from his lips as he closes his eyes for a second.

“For what exactly?” you ask with a soft chuckle. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to hide yourself around me.”

“You don’t find it… scary?”

“Not at all,” you assure him. “You can’t be held accountable for what happened to you. Anyone who thinks differently is just an ignorant asshole,” you add grinning and it finally breaks his fearful expression, planting a smile on his handsome face.

Keeping your hand on his cheek you lean closer, your nose touching his but you stop before your lips could meet, giving him the chance to pull back. But he never does. Instead, he closes the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours, finally making the fantasy you both have been daydreaming about reality. He starts off slowly, savoring each other gently, getting accustomed to the feeling, but it doesn’t take long before the kiss grows hungrier and your tongues meet in the middle.

Your hands rest at the base of his neck while his find your waist, pulling you closer until you swing a leg over him, sitting on his lap as you smile against his lips. His kisses feel delicate and soft yet very passionate at the same time, you love the dynamic you create, tugging and biting each other playfully, it feels like kissing him is the sole purpose of your life.

When it gets hard for you to breathe you pull back, eyes opening and finding his flushed face as he stares back at you with bright, joyous eyes, his lips slightly swollen, already making you want to go back to where you were just a moment ago.

“Who knew selfies could be so much fun,” he jokes making you laugh, his heart fluttering in his chest at the sound that’s so dear to him.

“I’m glad you liked my crash course on smart phones,” you grin down at him, your fingers tracing the sharp line of his jaw. “Do you have any more questions?”

Smirking his hand, his flesh one, moves up your back as he presses you closer, your lips almost touching his.

“Oh, I’ve got plenty,” he chuckles before kissing you again eagerly.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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